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meltwonu · 3 years

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| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 | [CHAPTER 17]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, intercrural sex, lots ‘o teasing, dirty talk/the absolute tiniest bit of degradation, some cum play/cum eating, seungcheol having a kink for thighs/thigh highs 😳😗 welcome to the weekend my bbys!! I hope yall are having a good day/night!! Also again, another inbox roundup tomorrow(also an updates post)!! 💕 Might be a regular thing for the next 4-ish weeks ‘cause I have been so busy this month 😭 and I can’t believe there’s only 3 more chapters of CB left!! 😭😭 some bangers on the way tho LMAO 🤣 As always, thank you so much for the love and support!!💕💕 Have a great rest of your weekend and enjoy ch 17![cheol voice] seventeen right here 😌💕🍒

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - x - x - x

Seungcheol doubles over in laughter, tears blurring his vision as his laughs turn into quiet wheezes.

“God, this is so embarrassing.” Seokmin mutters; cheeks burning crimson when he glances over to Jeongguk who shrugs back. “Maybe I really should quit…”

Jeongguk scoffs jokingly, “Maybe you shouldn’t have lied. No offense, but all the staff here probably have at least seen her before and you just so happened to lie to her actual boyfriend. That’s honestly really lucky if you ask me! You should buy a lotto ticket!” Seokmin whines back, shifting on his heels as he watches Seungcheol start to wipe the tears away.

“Hyung, can you please take this Edible Arrangements I got you so I can go ask Namjoon-hyung to fire me?” This only causes Seungcheol to laugh harder and this time, Jeongguk can’t help the giggle that bubbles past his tightly pursed lips.

“Please!” Seokmin begs, shaking the basket of skewered fruit at the older male. “I heard the diner across down is still hiring, I can still save the rest of my dignity if I leave now!”

Seungcheol shakes his head, eyelashes wet with tears when he takes the gift from Seokmin’s hands to place it on the countertop of the concession stand. “Hate to break it to you but she works there and one of the staff is also one of her regulars so I think your best bet is workin’ here. Embarrassment and all.”

“So, okay… But you’re not mad?”

Jeongguk peels the cellophane off of the basketed fruit, looking to Seungcheol for permission before he takes a skewer. “Go ahead. And no, I’m not mad. If anything I should apologize too, I shouldn’t have let you keep lying when I already knew. But also, to be fair, we weren’t really… official ‘til recently.” Seungcheol shoots the younger male a sheepish smile; cheeks a pretty pink of their own. “And it’s kinda been nice meeting you guys too. It’s great to know you’re not all weirdos.”

Seokmin laughs lightly, breathing a sigh of relief. “Okay, cool, ‘cause this place pays really well and I’d hate to stop working here and you guys are a lot cooler than the coworkers I had before.” He rolls his eyes jokingly, leaning up against the countertop as he picks off a strawberry from the basket.

“Don’t even get me started on this coworker I had at the last place. His name was Mingyu, I think? Suuuuuch a kissass. I had to move to manning the register at all times just so I could avoid him pickin’ his nose in the backroom and then pretending like he was doin’ shit.”

“Hey, Seungcheol-hyung?”

Seokmin’s inquisitive voice has Seungcheol turning; setting the rollerskates in his hand down onto the bench. “Yeah?”

“Do you think it’s weird that we’re, like, watching your girlfriend?” He tilts his head in thought, eyes blinking up to the ceiling. “I don’t want to overstep or something if it’s weird, y’know? I’ve been thinking about what Jeongguk said earlier...”

Seungcheol grins back at him, eyes twinking. He’d also thought about that before too, when he first found out that Jeongguk had also watched your streams.

“I don’t really mind ‘cause at the end of the day, it’s you watching me fucking my girlfriend.”

“Well, I’m glad he took it… well?” You giggle, tugging the white thigh high up your leg.

Seungcheol pulls off his shirt as he sits on the edge of the bed; tossing the wrinkled material onto the floor as he laughs under his breath.

“He did give me an Edible Arrangements while I laughed so hard I cried. I think he’s learned his lesson.”

xcaliburDK: good news, i didnt quit!!

chwenon: i was gonna say

chwenon: u literally started like last week

universe_WZ has donated $75

angelhan has donated $75

therealchan99 has donated $50

therealchan99: u look rly pretty in ur white set!!!

“Aww, thank you! It’s one of my favorites~ And ‘xcaliburDK’, I’m glad you didn’t quit!” You wink at the camera, giggling softly in Seungcheol’s lap as he peppers kisses along your shoulder.

A shiver runs up your spine at his gentle touches and you easily melt under his soft kisses and roaming fingertips. He ghosts them across your breasts, teasing you through the thin lace as you mewl and squirm against his cock that’s pressed firm against your ass. “A-ah, S--Seungcheol…”

tangerine_kwan: she looks so happy now that she can call ur name out lol

alphagyu97: now i cant pretend its me tho

gentleman_josh95: i mean i guess but are u even built like him

alphagyu97: well

Your body slowly starts to fill with warmth; soft stuttered breaths falling from your lips when he drags his fingers down your torso until they play with the hem of your panties. “M-more… tease me m-more…” He grins against your shoulder; hooking a finger around the waistband of your panties and tugging it away from you before letting it snap against your skin.

“‘Cheol!” Whining, your legs snap shut on impulse as you feel a gush of wetness soaking into your panties.

“Ah, ah, ah, part those legs, princess. Don’t make me have to punish you.”

kitty_junjun: no thats what the shibari stream is for right? Right? 😩

artist8hao: is that really happening bc i want to see it

alphagyu97: u guys should do it and think of it as like a rebrand of the channel ykwim

hoshi_tiger_xx: jdfkjhf like a grand re-opening under new management

therealchan99: what is this, a restaurant?

chwenon: u guys should come up with a new channel name too or sth

Seungcheol manages to read off a few of their comments; committing some to memory knowing that your eyes were still sealed shut as you focused on his soft touches.

He drags his fingers down further, humming when he can already feel how wet you were getting. “Hmm~ Already soaked through your pretty panties, baby~” Your head rolls back against his shoulder, nodding gently as you start to grind against the fingers that he uses to press into your clothed, wet folds.

“F-feels good w-when you, ah, t-tease me…”

Unbeknownst to you, Seungcheol smirks, eyes twinkling at the camera. “You really like it, huh? When I just touch you gently like this. Not enough to get you off but just enough to get you soaking wet until you’re begging for my cock.” He pauses; pressing a soft kiss to your skin. “I wanna try something with you, pretty baby~”

You gulp as you raise your head from his shoulder and he retracts his hands from your body as you shift your body and slightly turn to the side to face him.

Seungcheol’s eyes are blown wide with lust and you can already feel his cock throbbing against your lower back as he smiles dreamily at you.

“I think you’ll like it too.”

A stuttered moan falls from your lips as Seungcheol’s cock slides past your tightly clasped, yet shaky, thighs.

“O-oh, ‘Cheol, this--this is…” The words die on your tongue as your head falls forward and Seungcheol is quick to reprimand you, just as he draws his hips back.

“Baby, I want you to watch yourself on the screen. I want you to see your cute face while I tease your pretty body.” He moans; thrusting between your wet thighs as your hazy eyes peer at the laptop’s screen. Your lips are swollen and your pupils are blown wide when you catch yourself and you can see the head of Seungcheol’s cock only just breaching past your clamped thighs when he thrusts forward.

You let out a guttural moan, eyes rolling to the back of your head when he alternates between thrusting between your thighs and letting his cock slide against your soaked, panty-clad mound.

He hadn’t bothered to undress you at all, but you didn’t mind. The material of your panties only added onto the pleasure with every drag of his cock against you.

Seungcheol teases you even more; dragging his hands down to your thigh highs and letting his fingertips play right underneath the hems before pulling the material away from your thighs and letting them snap against your skin, much like he’d done with your panties.

“Ah, fuck, m-more! P-please…” He repeats the action a few more times, playing with the sheer fabric of your thigh highs before he draws his hips back. Except this time, when you expect him to thrust back between your legs, he wraps a hand around his cock instead, guiding himself until the head of his cock is rubbing up against the sheer fabric.

“Fuck, you’d look so pretty with cum all over your pretty thighs. I should cum all over your panties and your white ‘lil thigh highs and get them all soaked. Don’t you think they’d be cute? Sticking to you like a second skin? Translucent ‘n soaked through with my cum?” He laughs under his breath, watching through the laptop screen at the way you bite your lip and furrow your brows at the thought.

“I--I want t-that… I want S--Seungcheol t-to make, ngh, a m-mess…”

angelhan: i kno we say this all the time but can u upload some pics of that later

angelhan has donated $75

universe_WZ: seconded cuz thatd look so fuckin hot

universe_WZ has donated $50

alphagyu97 has donated $75

alphagyu97: fuck, like a lil angel covered in cum

Seungcheol teases you and himself at the same time; rubbing his cock against your fabric-clad thighs. He spreads precum onto the material, licking his lips when it already becomes translucent and sticks to your skin.

He positions his cock back between your thighs once he’s had his fill and quickly finds himself doubling his pace when he sees how wet you’re getting his cock without even having taken your panties off. “God, look at you. I don’t even need to fuck you to get you this wet. You just need to rub your ‘lil cunt against my cock and it’s enough for you, huh? I should make you sit on my lap, rub your pretty ‘lil pussy on my cock ‘til you’re cumming over and over again.”

“Ngh, yes! Fuck, Seungcheol! I--I can feel your c-cock throbbing between my l-legs… Please, please c-cum, mmh, all over my s-skin…”

“That’s right, baby. So fuckin’ desperate to be covered in it too. And always so fuckin’ pretty when you are.”

You let out a whimper as you try to focus on watching yourself just like Seungcheol had asked you to. Your lips are parted in soft breaths and you can’t seem to unfurrow your brows as Seungcheol chases his pleasure behind you.

angelhan: what if

angelhan: seungcheol in thigh highs lmao

universe_WZ: sub.cheol

sleepy_wonu: sub.cheol

universe_WZ: jinx

sleepy_wonu: fuck u

You lick your lips at the thought; although you knew Seungcheol would have a hard time relinquishing his dominating nature.

But your mind wanders as you continue to think about it; various images of Seungcheol tied up underneath you while you fucked yourself on his cock running through your mind. You let out a shaky moan, to which Seungcheol hums.

“What are you thinkin’ about, princess?”

“Um… ah, n-nothing…” He thrusts between your legs hard, making you jolt forward as you yelp.

“Princess...”

“I--ah! J-just thinking a-about… y-you tied up, ngh, to--to the bed and m-me fuh--fucking myself on your c-cock… ‘n me u-using, mmh, my toys o-on you...” Seungcheol smirks, pulling his cock from between your shaky thighs as he slightly pushes you over until you're on your back.

He spreads your legs as you look up at him and he’s quick to wrap a hand around his cock as he jerks himself off above you. “Oh, I bet you’d love that, wouldn’t you? I bet you’d be so cute trying to be the domme for a night.” Seungcheol teases.

You find yourself clenching around emptiness as you think of the possibilities. You definitely wanted to try it if Seungcheol was willing.

“Fuck, but first, gonna cover your pretty body with my cum.” He groans; thrusting up into his palm as he chases his high.

“C-cum all over me, Seungcheol…”

The donations and comments sound off in the back as you maintain eye contact with Seungcheol who’s brows furrow when he starts to feel himself about to cum. He scoots back a little; growling when his cock throbs in his grasp and he cums all over your, already, soaked panties.

You let out a moan when rivulets of cum hit your lower abdomen and you’re quick to reach down and scoop some up to bring to your mouth, smearing the warm substance against your puckered lips before licking it off. Whimpering, you dip your fingers into your mouth; this time pretending they were Seungcheol’s instead of your own.

He guides his cock until the head is aimed at your thighs; streaks of cum settling into the sheer material of your thigh highs. “God, you’re so damn pretty...” Groaning, he milks his cock for every drop of cum before he’s stopping to catch his breath.

“You came so much but I didn’t cum yet, ‘Cheol~” Pouting, you turn your head to the side to face the camera. “Tell him he has to make me cum now~”

kitty_junjun: well u heard the lady!!

hoshi_tiger_xx: make her cum and let her cream her cute lil panties even more

therealchan99: oh fuck yeah, get her off without fucking her cute cunt

Seungcheol leans over your body until the two of you are almost face to face, eyes twinkling with playfulness when you feel his sticky hand playing with your thigh highs again.

“D’you hear that? Let’s give them what they want, baby.”

The sounds of donations and comments once again get lost as Seungcheol finds himself on his knees between your legs.

“Ready?”

When you slide into bed after your camshow’s ended and Seungcheol has properly taken care of you, he’s quick to tug you into his chest.

The two of you let out soft sighs at the warmth that envelopes you both as you finally start to settle in for the night.

After a few minutes, Seungcheol clears his throat, catching you just before you drift off to sleep.

“This is so random but have you considered, I dunno, rebranding your channel… with me? I was thinking about it and kinda wanted your opinion...”

You blink up curiously at him, urging him to continue. “I mean, yeah, of course! I don’t really know where to start though since it’s always just been me. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure if you wanted to either so I never brought it up.” You snuggle into his warmth, yawning as the sleep threatens to take over.

“But let’s talk about it later, ‘cause ‘m tired now, ‘Cheol. You really didn’t have to make me cum twice…” You mumble, “I can still feel my legs shaking...”

His soft laugh reverberates in your chest and he’s quick to press a kiss against your hair as he tugs you in closer.

“It’s ‘cause I like to spoil you. And okay. I’ll remind you when you’re more conscious.”

“G’night, ‘Cheol...”

“Goodnight, baby.”

#cherrybomb!cheol #seungcheol smut #scoups smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #seungcheol scenarios #seungcheol imagines #scoups imagines #scoups scenarios #scoups fic #seungcheol fic #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #svt scenarios #svt fic #scoups #seungcheol

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naktergalen · 4 years

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Rivamika Fic Suggestions List

Hello! First time posting on the Rivamika side of Tumblr. I just wanted to leave some of my personal recommendations for Rivamika fan fics on here to possibly help pass the time. I know that some people in the Rivamika chat will ask or put down some fic suggestions and it sucks that the messages get deleted after 1 week. Some of these stories are widely known in this community and some I think need a little more love lol. But I hope that you enjoy these stories as much as I have. I’ve split this list up into four categories. I wanted to let people know the status of some these fics in case they did not want to start an incomplete or in progress story. I know that many people are going to noticed that the Western Passage is not on this list. Sadly, I never got around to reading it when it was written for Levi and Mikasa and I can’t seem to find it anywhere for the life of me.

All of these fics can be found on AO3. I would link them but Tumblr apparently has an issue with links. If you guys want another list of fics, just let me know or you can tell me to GTFO and I will take the hint lol! If you have any fic suggestions for me, feel free to message me with them and I can add them on to the next list if anyone wants that. If any author sees their story on here and they want me to take it off the list, please let me know I don’t wish to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Also, last thing, I highly recommend leaving comments and kudos to the authors. I know that they greatly appreciate it and it helps them with improving their writing through feedback. I’ll shut up now.

DISCLAIMER: I know that not all of these stories are not for everyone, these are just my opinions and suggestions.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Completed:

- Finding Comfort in Burning

Author: LittleWhisperer

Rating: Mature

This is a classic Rivamika fic and I know that the community loves it (as do I). If you are looking for superb character development, look no further than this baby right here. LittleWhisperer’s writing is so well done I can’t believe that this ain’t just a famous author writing in their spare time (oh wait I think they are). They’re so descriptive with the environment that you feel as if you are there watching as the scenes unfold. It’s a captivating story from start to finish and the building of Mikasa and Levi’s passionate relationship is soo scrumptious.

- Part of Me

Author: kenken_chan

Rating: Mature

Every Rivamika fan out there has to read this story!!! I cannot describe how absolutely wonderful this fic is! I was literally left speechless after finishing the last chapter because my mind was just blown away by the conclusion of Levi and Mikasa’s relationship. This really takes you on an emotional roller coaster and you can really grasp each character’s emotions through out the story. I will give a warning before hand, there are heavy subjects and situations presented that some people may not feel comfortable with. I personally think those subjects and how they are handled is what makes this fic such a diamond in the rough but if you are feeling uncomfortable then I understand that as well. I also know this fic has been out before and that the author had made changes to it since it was first released. If you haven’t read the edited version of this story, I would say give it another read now. I would love to hear what people think after they finish reading this gem.

- A Dangerous Game

Author: LittleWhisperer

Rating: Explicit

OMG! What a ride this story was! Once I started to read the first chapter, I could not stop! It just sucked me into the story’s world and I felt like I was actually there seeing the action and environment that the author was describing. This story keeps you in suspense and on your toes for what is going to happen next in this crazy Mafia AU. The relationship between Levi and Mikasa is magnificently done as they come to realize they have more in common than they think. I enjoy LittleWhisper’s work and I recommend checking out more of their works.

- The Taste of Pomegranate

Author: alienheartattack

Rating: Teen/Explicit

I have to say that I would have not expected me to like a Ballet AU story for Rivamika, but I absolutely enjoy every second while reading this one. The way the author creates the tension between Mikasa and Levi is splendidly done in this story. There are two more one-shots that follow after the original fic but they honestly feel like two more chapters that are just continuing with the story. I would certainly read the two one-shots after your finish reading part 1, you will not regret it!

- The Song Remains the Same

Author: MoraLeeWright

Rating: Mature

I enjoy MoraLeeWright’s writing so much! I think I binged read this story in about a day, I couldn’t stop myself. This fic does a really great job of slowly building the relationship between Mikasa and Levi. It gives their perspectives on the challenges they are facing together as well as the conflicting feelings each have about the growing bond between the two of them. I know that this is a Rivamika classic among fans but if you have yet to read it, definitely check this story out!

Ongoing:

- Who Are You Calling a Bitch?

Author: xx_ciela

Rating: Mature

I was terrified that this fic would not ever get updated again, but good news its BACK! I am so excited to see where the story leads and whats going to happen to Mikasa, Levi and the other characters that are present. WAYCAB does an amazing job of mixing and twisting many different types of lore together to pull you into this fantasy type AU. Just when you think you have finally received the answers to your questions, it only lead to more questions lol. This story will keep you pensive and excited to find out what exactly is going on in this city. Its a slow burn in regards to Mikasa and Levi’s relationship, but I have a feeling that the wait will be well worth it. Undoubtedly recommend checking this out and leaving a comment for the author telling you want more!

- I Just Miss A Good Cup Of Tea

Author: EJelly

Rating: Mature

I discover this fic because of how it was blowing up in the Rivamika tag on tumblr lol. I’m soo happy that I decided on checking it out because I binged read the 28 chapters that were out already. Attack on Titan meets The Walking Dead in this baby. The way that EJelly writes action is spectacular, it feels like I’m watching a TV show. I also love the way they write in each character’s POV in order for you to understand the mind set of the characters during this zombie apocalypse. The relationship between Levi and Mikasa is beautifully built over the course of this story and I cannot wait to find out what lies ahead of them. Again, another slow burn that I have a feeling will be well worth the wait (it already has been)! Go check it out and leave a comment telling EJelly that you are excited for more!

- Just Until The Storm Has Gone (?)

Author: MoraLeeWright

Rating: Explicit

Put a question mark by this one because I’m not sure if this is still ongoing or not. Regardless of that, I urge everyone to go read this indescribable work of art. MoraLeeWright’s writing has just blossomed into such beauty and she does nothing but keep getting better as time goes on (I don’t even know how that is possible but she doing the damn thing). JUTSHG is in a class of its own, for me, in the world of Rivamika fics. This baby is from Mikasa’s perspective and it delves into her psyche as she is dealing with the after affects of war. Her relationship with Levi is so mesmerizing in this story and the way that MoraLeeWright creates their smut scenes is so yummy I just want to eat it for lunch. I can’t even call it smut because its so much more than that. You can feel the connection of two souls finally finding the other they have been looking for as well as passion they have for each other. I could go on about how much I LOVE this story but I’ll stop. This one is on my top 3 favorite Rivamika fics of all time.

Incomplete:

- No Rest for the Wicked

Author: Hallow17

Rating: Explicit

Freaking love this story and I’m SOOO SAD that its incomplete! Mikasa has to deal with the paranormal while also running a business in this fic. The budding relationship between Levi and Mikasa is well paced and so gracefully displayed that even though it is an incomplete story, it’s well worth reading the 19 chapter that have already been published. Everything you could ask for in a paranormal story is presented; ghost, action, spirits, and lots of angst! This is such a unique story its literally burned into my brain and I will never forget it. I hope that Hallow17 miraculously comes back to finish this baby off one day!

- Romance and Rivalry

Author: AmayaOkami

Rating: Explicit

I AM SO HEARTBROKEN THAT THIS STORY IS NOT COMPLETE I CANT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN MY FEELINGS!!! Ugh, this story is soo freakin good! I know that this is another story that is popular in the Rivamika community but I have no choice but to put it here! The build up in this story is amazing that you can’t wait to read the next chapter to see what happens with Mikasa and Levi. This is such a great take on a typical romantic trope but AmayaOkami puts so much personality into the characters that it gives off such a fun and exciting vibe. The comedy and awkwardness is displayed so well that I have to stop reading because I get bad second hand embarrassment lol! Omg please read it even though its incomplete, its too much fun to pass up on. AMAYAOKAMI PLEASE I BEG YOU COME BACK AND FINISH THIS RIVAMIKA ROMCOM I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!!!!

One-Shot:

- Intertwining

Author: Livysan

Rating: Explicit

I’m staring off these one-shots with two of my favorite Rivamika “smut” stories. This is such a wonderfully written love scene between Mikasa and Levi. Livysan really expresses the yearning passion that Levi and Mikasa have for each and unfolds it in such a sweet and loving way. A must for any Rivamika fan to read.

- Until the Stars Disappear

Author: noiresetoiles

Rating: Mature

This is just an exquisitely done love scene between Levi and Mikasa I almost have no words for it. Its just down right BEAUTIFUL that pretty much all I can do to describe it. I really enjoyed how noiresetoiles decided to not use any dialogue in this story, it really shows how Mikasa and Levi’s actions tell how they really feel about each other. Again, a must read for Rivamika fans.

- Clean-Shaven

Author: hashire

Rating: Mature

The cute domestic fluff that we need from Levi and Mikasa! This is a one-shot but it is part of hashire’s Happily Ever After collection. The whole collection is about the domestic bliss between Mikasa and Levi after the war has come to an end. I definitely recommend reading the entire collection, you will not be sorry.

- Pure Dawn

Author: sulkyfuckingcat

Rating: Explicit

A Holiday AU that has sexual tension and smut? Count. Me. In. Pure Dawn has all the build up and smutiness that any Rivamika fan needs if they are craving it. Go check it out if you haven’t, I know that its pretty popular in the Rivamika community and I can see why lol.

- Begging for Thread

Author: villanelle

Rating: Explicit

I believe that this one has been talked about a lot in the Rivamika community but I still have to leave it here just in case someone hasn’t heard about it. Its a must read. Written from the perspective of Levi the story explores his mindset as he is trying to deal with his emotions towards Mikasa. Mikasa has some taunting tendencies in this fic which I love as well.

- Looking Into the Heart of Light

Author: hashire

Rating: Explicit

Again, another domestic bliss fic about an eventful evening between Levi and Mikasa. Its a pretty quick read but its too cute to pass up. If your looking for a quick Rivamika fix then this is the fic for you.

#rivamika #levimika #levikasa #mikasa x levi #levi x mikasa #rivamika fic #fanfic #im bored in quarantine #so im reading

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staysuki · 3 years

Note

thankfully you have a lot of arcs planned for this series 😌 i got attached to it too much, i. need. more. ill read chapter 1 of you have a message later, i cant help it anymore 😭 i dont mind having a simp 4 girl type of seungmin 😋 or a shy introverted one hehezz, bASTA im so excited :">

OH YEAH I FORGOT TO ADD THAT ! as i said you wrote the characters so realistic af. even if they act like a btch, for some reason you can understand them. thats why i cant bring myself to hate any of them huhu and yes i live for dark seungmin 😌👌 i myself dont really mind a fic with no romance 🤪 sometimes, its nice to lay off the fluffy flustering soft fics. its fine no worries, making masterlists and updating links all at the same time can be really confusing 😭

nice to hear your day is great ! and i ll always be here to read them 😛

im supposed to be in class rn but there's no call lol idk if the instructors wifi got cut off or smth. idrc, this means free time for me 🤩

HIII 🍕 I MISSED U HUHU thankfully things are slowly going back together for you. dont forget to take care of your health huhuhu ofc its automatic that its for you, ash, too :"> sends love back to the both of you 💘💝💗💓💞💕❣️

ive read every work exceeeepttt 1. bc : 𝚒 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞.

2. ot8 : 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢.

and ill prob read the new smau later night asdhafhafj

hope you guys have a great day/night!

- bs

🕺🕺🕺 replying on this right away for 🍕anon.

also yeah, this will probably be the only smau fic where there won’t be a lot of #losthooks because i plan on integrating all of em! the only behind the fic sneak peeks that’ll probably be available is the minor changers i make along the way.

and yes ack, i feel like everyone’s gonna like this seungmin trope, it’s lowkey a bit inspired by jake peralta from b99 which idk why it’s the personality trope i gave to seungmin out of all that i’m making a smau for (cuz it seems more fitting for han no?) but like, i wanted to try smth new so 🕺

yes that exactly 😭 except for yeji HSVWJSHWJS literally just made her to be a villain thru and thru. true, it’s refreshing. slow burns are the best honestly. it’s why i don’t really make my EHALOJ y/n be the omg 🙈💓💓💓 type of protagonist whenever she reacts to romantic advancements, she’s kinda just like 🧍‍♀️cool which i think is funny but also it diminishes the fluffy aspect a bit so i can keep the mature theme going.

and thank you! i hope your day goes great as well! it seems like it already started well with no classes 💀 back in university there’s this 30 minutes rule that if a professor is still not in class by that time then class is cancelled. 🥳

and i can’t believe you’re reading it right away jshwjshwjs 🙈 but ig that means i get individual reviews now no? since updates will be spaced out for that one hm 🧐🧐🧐 jkjk

#anon: bub stop.#pizza anon #anon:🍕

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 34

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: okay sooo idk how i feel about the chapter BUT! i added a link with pictures of the characters and it took me over 2 hours to do that so if you could comment or at least look at it, it would mean a lot to me! (scroll down for the link, you cant miss it)

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : two but its pretty much the same thing :) i mean he doesnt get ‘angry’ tho but i hope its still what you wanted :)

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 34 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

March 30th, 2018

I had no idea who Niall had invited but before we walked in the bar, I moved closer to him and got up on my tiptoe to look in his eyes, both of us now hidden by his cap. His lips curled as his eyes roamed on my face and I pressed my lips together. I was a bit stressed to meet some people from school after so long but if I wanted to be honest, being away from the crowds and the paps seemed like amazing time off to me and I was pretty sure Niall felt the same.

"No kissing, no hold hands, no cuddles." I pointed out with a grimace. "It's gonna be a long evening."

"Okay, first off, you can cuddle me, they're used to it. Second of, can I remind you that it's your rule? If you want, we can definitely tell them we're together but keeping low profile." he pointed out, raising his eyebrows as he waited for my answer.

I wanted to. I really fucking wanted to, and I could feel my heartbeats accelerate the longer we looked at each other. I licked my lips and smiled before shaking my head. I couldn't make a decision and it was driving me insane.

"We'll just... see how it goes." I finally let out before sighing and getting back down on my feet.

"I'll follow your lead, petal."

His words made my lips curl and I nodded slowly before he turned around and walked in. It felt amazing to know I had my say in all of this. A lot of times, when we were dating and even before, I felt like Niall lead me the way he thought was right and I just followed without a word. Perhaps, he had matured, or maybe he was always like that but he just took the lead because I didn't. Either way, it was refreshing and it made me feel important.

I followed him inside and a familiar face seemed to illuminate in the back of the bar. The smell reminded me of my teenage years and somehow, I suddenly relaxed despite the people I had just noticed.

"Zara?" I let out with a frown before Niall bent closer to me.

"I called her, thought you may want to see her." he whispered before walking closer to the table.

"Olivia!"

Zara jumped out of her chair and ran to me, wrapping her arms around my neck so tight I could barely breathe anymore. She started jumping quickly up and down, bringing me in her wave and I laughed as I hugged her back. Despite everything that had happened to me in my childhood and teenage years, Zara was the only one I trusted completely besides Niall. I had a few friends and we all hung out together but Zara was the one I was the closest to, the one I told almost everything to, except maybe the fact that I had always been in love with Niall. That, I hadn't told anyone and even now, I wondered how the hell I succeeded to keep that secret to myself for two decades.

"I haven't seen you in so long!" she added, hugging me even tighter before her embrace loosened and she pulled away to look in my eyes. "Still can't believe you followed that eejit to London. Why?"

She was very expressive and the facial expression she was sending me made me laugh.

"You know me, can't be away from his dumb face for too long."

Her lips curled into an amused smile and she pulled me to the bar, ordering beers before tilting her head and staring at me some more. I frowned and waited, knowing that a question was coming.

"You two dated a few years ago yea?" she raised her eyebrows as I nodded. "Okay now let's talk about the real shit. How does he fuck?"

My eyes got bigger and I chuckled, shaking my head. "Z!"

"No no, hear me out!" she continued, bending down closer to me. "Remember when Michelle, Lisa, Megan and I would get mad at you for ditching us for him?" she let out with a chin movement towards Niall.

I couldn't help but glance at him. He was sitting with a few people I recognized but I just licked my lips and turned back to my friend, shaking my head. "I didn't dit-"

"Oh you did. All the time." she cut me, making me raise my nose up in a grimace. "Well we always spent at least half an hour talking about you two and with the years, the conversations became... you know. I mean he grew up and," she paused and leaned back to take a look at him before looking back at me. "He's... he's hot."

I started laughing, shaking my head slightly at her enthusiasm.

"Niall was always hot." I pointed out, making her roll her eyes.

"You... it's different. I mean, I know you always said you didn't have feelings for him but girl, I know you better than that." she explained, making my heart literally stop beating. "Anyway, that's beside the point. So we did talk about the size of his cock and the way he fucked and we all had theories. I think it's time you reveal the truth."

"Forget it." I laughed, shaking my head.

"Why does it matter, you two broke up a million years ago!" her face suddenly changed and her lips parted as she moved closer. "You whore, you’re still dating him?"

"Zara!"

She raised both of her hands up and closed her eyes. "Alright alright, none of my business." she chuckled, opening her eyes again, her smile turning into a fond one. "I really hope for you, though. I know how much you love him. I can see it in your eyes."

I held my breath as she grabbed two beers, letting me take the two others and we walked slowly to the table.

"Don't be surprised okay? Ava is here. I know she's not your fave person but just pretend she's funny. Or interesting. Or ignore her, that's what I do."

I laughed again but my heart dropped in my chest when I noticed Ava, leaning against Niall as they were both laughing. I started thinking about that time I caught him masturbating in his room when he was 13, and how a few years later, he had admitted he was jerking off thinking about her. The whole thing made me swallow hard and I held the mugs tighter in my hands before placing them on the table. Most people looked up and when I noticed Rian, my eyes got bigger and I chuckled low.

"Wow, hey! What are you doing here?"

He got up and kissed my cheeks gently as I did the same before shaking my head. The last time I had seen Rian was when Niall and I went ice skating together when we were dating. Niall had shown a bit of jealousy back then and even if I knew I shouldn't, i really liked it. Of course, I had dated Rian for a few months and he was the first guy I ever slept with, but Niall seemed to forget that the reason I gave in to Rian after so many years was because he had lost his virginity to someone who wasn't me. It had hurt me so much that just thinking about it made it impossible not to swallow the lump in my throat.

"He's coming to visit me." Ava said, her hand on Niall's thigh to hold herself as she moved closer to me. "We have a thing going on."

Rian rolled his eyes with a smile and shook his head slightly before shrugging. "Just trying to see if it could work." he explained before talking lower. "I'm not moving back here though, there's no way."

I let out a louder laugh and nodded. "Yea, I'm not moving back here either."

The truth was, I didn't want to move back here mostly because I didn't really know anyone anymore. My parents were back in France, many of my friends had moved away and Niall... well, Niall was the person I wanted to follow. Or more, Niall was the person I wanted to be with. I didn't have to follow him, like he said. We could just take decisions together.

"Come on, petal, sit down."

Niall's voice reached my ear and I smiled, sitting next to him as he squirmed a bit on his chair to move forward, leaning his arms on the table and getting away from Ava's touch. I felt suddenly relieved and he sent me a smile. I felt his knee hit gently against mine under the table and my lips curled more.

"So what's up between you two?" Rian asked after sitting next to me. "Last time I saw you, you were together, then we all read in extremely reliable online articles that you two split and Niall was dating that actress or singer? What's her face? And Liv was getting married to an hollywood actor. This is some crazy shit, mates."

"I'm... not dating Heidi anymore." Niall pointed out, pressing his lips together in an awkward smile.

"And I called the wedding off and broke up with Dylan."

Everyone stared at us and Zara chuckled slightly after half a minute, shaking her head. "Wow. You guys need more drinks."

We started drinking and talking and after a few hours, I was starting to be tipsy. I walked to the bar to get more pints and while waiting, I leaned on the counter to stare at Niall. He was laughing with our old friends and I was suddenly thrown back to when we were younger and would hang out all together. I could pretend life was easy back then but it would be a lie. I had to admit, though, that everything changed when Niall left, and I do mean everything.

My lips curled on the left when I watched him throw his head back. I could hear his laughter even from where I was and something jumped inside me at the sight. I already knew, but once again, it hit me how much I loved him and how i'd never be over him. I didn't want to be over him anyway. I wanted to be with him.

"Having a good time?"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise before turning to the voice with a smile before looking at Niall again and finally putting my attention back on Rian.

"Mmhm, and you?"

I was getting so tipsy that I had a hard time hiding my attraction for Niall. I knew my eyes were probably betraying me but I was at that point where I didn't give a fuck anymore. A few more people we knew had joined us and we were all getting a bit drunk but when I turned around and smiled to Rian again, I noticed he was way past that stage. He sent me a small smirk and bent down closer, making me move back instinctively.

"You know you were my first fuck." he pointed out, making me chuckle low.

"Yea you were my first fuck too."

"You ever wonder what it would feel like more than a decade later?" he whispered after bending down more.

My lips parted and I glanced at him, standing up and shaking my head. "Honestly, no."

"Come on." he slurred as I pressed my lips together. "Just one time. I never really understood why you broke up with me, y'know?"

I looked up at him, feeling uneasy, and swallowed hard. I didn't want to cause a scene and I knew he was drunk but at the same time, I had no fucking idea what he was thinking at that exact moment. I knew he thought I was single, which I was... sort of, but I had the feeling he would insist even if I was officially taken.

"I just didn't have those feelings for you, that's why." I pointed out.

It was true and at the same time, it was also because I couldn't take Niall out of my mind. I felt his arm slither around my waist and pushed him away gently but firmly, raising my eyebrows at him.

"Two things. One, you're drunk and two, I'm not interested. It's been years, Rian, we both moved on." I pointed out. "Besides, aren't you with Ava now?"

"Ava and I have an agreement. Until we're official, we can fuck whoever we want. That's why she's all over your ex boyfriend."

My lips parted again and my heartbeats accelerated. I turned to look at Niall but for some reason, he had switched seat with me, leaving a free chair between him and Ava and I sighed of relief without thinking.

"That's why you said no to me for so long before agreeing to date me, right? That's also why you broke up with me isn't it?"

I turned back to him, noticing he had moved closer again. "What?"

"Him. Him and his fucking stupid angel face. You've always wanted him and he never fucking wanted you. The only time he dated you he fucking left you to be a famous little shit and now you're still looking at him like he's some sort of god."

"Shut up, you're pissed." I said low enough, getting suddenly angry.

"Still. You know i'm right." he added, sending me a small smile. "Come on, I'll make you cum so hard."

I felt Rian's hand on my breasts and this time, I pushed him harder as my heart seemed to stop.

"I said no!"

I felt my whole body on fire as I stared at him but he moved closer and grabbed the back of my head, pulling me against him to kiss me. This time, I started hitting his chest hard to push him away and I heard a chair scratch against the wood floor before falling down. It took about half a second for Niall to be between Rian and I, pushing him hard enough to make him back away a few feet.

"She said no."

"Oh yea, mister perfect is there again to save the day!" Rian let out a bit too loud in a sarcastic tone. "Same as you were back then. Always there to be the perfect 'best friend'." he laughed, doing quotation marks with his fingers on the last two words.

"Rian, don't go too far." Niall only replied, shaking his head slightly.

"She's not yours, anymore, Horan! So let it go!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

I took a step back, surprised by how well Niall could keep calm and glanced at our table to see all of our friends watching the show. It was not really how I imagined my night.

"You're a fuckin' asshole and I've always hated you, ya know that?"

"I'm very aware." Niall sighed. "But she said she was not interested, so keep your feckin' hands in your pockets."

"Or what?" Rian yelled, this time. "Or WHAT?"

"Rian, stop!"

We all turned to Ava who was frowning and Rian scoffed, shaking his head. "You stay out of this." he turned to Niall. "And you!" he grabbed him by his shirt and my heart sank in my chest as I moved closer, grabbing Rian's arm and trying to push him back.

"Please, stop!" I let out, suddenly panicked.

Niall didn't send me a glance and kept looking at Rian, "Liv, move back. Please Liv."

It took me a few seconds and I did as he asked just when Rian started talking again.

"She's not your girlfriend." he repeated. "So mind your own fuckin' business!"

"But I still love her." Niall admitted louder, making my lips part and my whole body throb. "I'm still in love with her. And I'm not gonna let you touch her, not without her consent."

Everything happened a bit too fast for me to react and I barely saw Rian let go of Niall to throw his fist at him. Gladly, he was totally hammered and Niall easily dodged his hit before throwing his own first on Rian's jaw. My eyes got bigger as Rian fell on the floor and I finally closed them, bringing both my hands on my face.

"MATES!"

I remained motionless, eyes closed and silent, until I felt someone pull me out and I only opened my eyes again when I felt the fresh air hit the skin of my face. It was a bit cold and I shivered, bringing my arms around myself before I felt someone wrap theirs around me from behind.

"Hey, you okay?" I didn't have to hear his voice, I immediately recognized Niall from the way he was touching me, and the way he smelled. God he smelled amazing. "I'm sorry about all this."

I shook my head and sighed. "Let's leave, okay?"

I noticed Ava and two other guys try to put Rian on the backseat of a car and Zara quickly ran to me, raising her nose up and placing her hand on my arm.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly, tilting her head, before I nodded. "I'll message you, okay? And if you invite me to Cali, I'd love to visit!"

I chuckled and nodded. "We can definitely plan that."

She glanced up at Niall and tried to stop a smirk from gracing her face without much success.

"Have fun you two." she just chuckled. "I'm rooting for you."

I laughed and closed my eyes again, a bit embarrassed but quickly, Niall moved away and reached for my fingers. I let him take my hand in his and we walked in silence. I knew where he was taking me but I didn't mention it and when we sat in the grass, I moved my legs over his thighs and felt his hand on mine, warming me. It was cold and I knew we wouldn't last too long outside but I enjoyed being close to him in silence. It took at least 20 minutes for Niall to talk again and hearing his voice made something stir in my stomach.

"I'm sorry." he said in a low tone, looking down at his hand on my thigh as he gently brushed his fingertips on my pants. "I don't know why I did that. But he had his hand on your breasts and I suddenly wanted to kill him."

I stared at him for a few seconds without talking and waiting for him to look up but he didn't. I pressed my lips together and placed my hand over his, grabbing his fingers and squeezing them.

"Thank you for defending me." I just replied, making him nod slightly. "You were so laid-back, I didn't expect you to throw your fist at him. You don't need to apologize."

He looked up at me and sent me a fond smile as I bit my bottom lip. Slowly, I moved closer and kissed him gently. I could feel my head spinning from all the alcohol in my body and when he deepened the kiss, I felt my eyes flutter behind my eyelids.

"I'm sorry." I whispered against his mouth. "I should have told our friends we were together. It would have spared a few problems."

"Not your fault. It's entirely his fault. He shouldn't have touched you after you said no, whether you were taken or not. He's an asshole and he deserved a good punch. I'm just happy I'm the one who gave him." he confessed, making me chuckle. "I can't believe he did that."

"Well he was seeing the way I was looking at you apparently. And he probably saw how Ava was all over you, too. Must have been hard for him to be rejected twice in the same night. I've rejected him a lot, too."

"Still not an excuse." Niall whispered, kissing my lips very gently.

"I know."

"Don't defend him, he's an arsehole."

"I know."

We remained silent again as we kissed some more. I felt his hand move up on me and slip between my thighs, the side of one of his fingers pressing on my pussy. I whimpered very low and chuckled.

"It's way too cold to fuck here."

"I know." he groaned. "I just can't believe we have to sleep at my mom's. Every single time we come visit you don't want to let me fuck you."

The way he pouted and his childish tone made a laugh boom out of me and I finally leaned my forehead against his and brought my hand to his cheek.

"I'll let you tomorrow morning, but only if you agree to do something tonight that I've always wanted to do."

He frowned and pulled away to stare at me suspiciously. "I want to ask if I'll regret it but if you let me cum inside you tomorrow then I'm ready for anything."

I laughed again and kissed him with a smile. It felt so great to be wanted even if most of the time, It also felt surreal. We walked back to his mom's and it was extremely late when he tried to find the right keys to walk inside before realizing the door was not locked. We both laughed as we walked inside, and it made me realize we were both still quite tipsy. We walked slowly, trying to remain silent without much success and when he bumped into the table, we both laughed. He pulled me closer and started kissing me hard, sticking his tongue on my mouth only to turn me on, I suspected. His normal taste was altered with the taste of beer but I loved it and I moaned low in his mouth. I couldn't remember how we ended up on the roof but I stared up at the sky, tilting my head with a smile.

"That's really all you wanted?" he asked after a while. "Watch the stars like we used to do on the roof of your house?"

I kept looking up at the indigo sky and pressed my lips together before licking them.

"We used to do that all the time, just you and I, and I remember wishing you would kiss me every single time. That's why we're here. I want to kiss you while we watch the stars together."

Niall chuckled low. "You're so cheesy. I blame you for my romantic side."

I turned to send him a big smile. "You're welcome."

His lips curled into a fond and loving grin and I bit my bottom lip.

"I will kiss you anywhere you want. Any time you want. For any reason you can think of, or for no reason at all except that I love you."

I felt my heart melt in my chest and breathed in, trying to keep my tears in. He was leaning on his side to look at me, holding himself with one of his elbows and arms, and suddenly, I could see the adorable 14 year old he used to be, with his blonde hair and his crooked teeth. I felt my heart swell and my eyes watered, letting a tear fall on one of my cheeks as I sniffed. Was I really going to push away this man out of fear? Was that a good way to live life anyway? To stop myself from being happy in fear of being hurt again? It was ridiculous.

"We will be together, Niall."

He frowned slightly and moved his upper body closer. "What?"

"If you still want of me..." I repeated before breathing in deeply. "if you still want to be with me.. really be with me. Officially. It will happen."

"I'll always want that Olivia." he simply replied but I could hear surprise and happiness in his voice and when I looked up at him, his eyes seemed to sparkle. They shined even more than they did at the bar when he was drunk and it made my heart jump in my chest. Perhaps, it was only the reflection of the lights of the streets, or maybe I was hallucinating it... but I didn't think so. He seemed genuinely excited by my words.

"I just need more time. But it will happen." I explained more. "I'll never be able to live without you anyway. And I don't want to. I don't want to live without you, Niall."

His lips curled into the biggest smile and he chuckled, moving closer and sliding his hand behind my head. I could feel his fingers sink in my hair as he pulled me closer.

"Best news of the day. It beats everything else." he let out low. "Now, I'm going to kiss you beneath the stars until you're too tired to keep your eyes open."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #yam

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theravencawsatmidnight · 4 years

Text

Inferno Part Six

Chapter Two

Yandere! Dabi🔥

All parts can be found under the Inferno tag!

Warnings: Branding

Dabi was walking back to his home with an angry look across his face. His brows furrowed and his mouth flat . He had to make his move fast with you. Once he planted his seed in you you would be all his. Theres no way that teacher put it together

Dabi got back opening the door to see you sleeping hugging the pillow . He hid the sleeping pills and went over to you looking over youre arm. He hated it , wanted to burn it up , make his own mark on you. Dabi kneeled down applying the medicine to youre arm and wrapping it up. It would be healed after this now, then he could put his own on you.

The days went by and Dabi got you whatever you wanted and made you whatever you wanted. Making sure you never wanted to leave. He even let you off the chain collar to walk around the house. You never left his side though , always clinging to his arm whenever he cooked or cleaned. Whenever you wanted to cuddle in front of the tv he would stop whatever he was doing to come cuddle you. He always put on the same channel, when you asked him why he would squeeze you and talk quietly.

“Theres bad people trying to take you away Snowflake , sometimes they are on the news and i dont want you to get scared”

You believed him. Every word. No one was looking for you , they just wanted to take you away from Dabi. The only person who loved and cared for you and kept you safe.

A few days later Dabi was planning to put his mark on you. He thought about putting you to sleep for it but he should not need too. Nothing could happen right? You were his little brainwashed Hero, you did whatever he said or asked of you.

Dabi brought you to the kitchen sitting you on the counter , you were giggling and running youre fingers through his hair. Dabi kissed you gently and you leaned into him giggling.

“Shh..be quiet for me okay?”

He always worded his questions like this. If it was for him... You did it without a second thought. Quickly you would cover youre mouth and obey .

“Good girl..”

One of his hands lifted youre shirt pulling it off of you tossing it on the floor. He placed his palm between youre breast looking at you.

“Be still for me okay? It might hurt , but thats just me showing you how much i love you okay?”

You nodded letting youre arms fall to youre sides. Dabi looked down at his hand , very slowly you started to feel warm all over.

Warmer

Hot..

Hotter...

Hotter.......

Burning.....

Youre lungs felt like they were on fire and so did youre heart. Ice cubes started to fall out of youre arms and around youre breast and neck. Tears fell down youre face . This is for him. Hes showing me how much he loves me. You told youreself. He pressed his hand against youre chest and you saw blue flames come off his arms.

Its for him ..

For him...

For...

“Im almost done Y/N! Youre doing so great!”

“SHOTO STOP!!! IT HURTS!! SHOTO!!!-“ you screamed and pushed Dabi away , you curled up on the counter heaving. Shoto.. thats what he said to you when he marked you... Something.. was.. not..

Right

Dabi staggered back grabbing youre arm yanking you to him and off the counter . He wasted no time dragging you to the bed . You could see the blue flames through youre tears and you smelled burning flesh. He threw you on the bed on youre back re chaining youre neck and this time youre feet.

“I was almost DONE!” He yelled pushing you down getting on youre chest pressing his palm down again in the burned handprint.

“Dont you want to know how much i love you?!? Im showing you!!! Now. Stay. Still!!!” His free hand held youre arms down and slowly he started on the mark again. You screamed and cried, struggling under him. You had a massive headache and you were caughing up blood.

Why ... whats going on? This is the same as ... Shoto.. but Dabi loved you right? He said he did . But this... it was a familar feeling that brought fear and sadness with it. Everything is getting dark..

The flames went out and Dabi lifted his hand off youre chest, blood dripped from his hand onto youre chest. You were not moving , his brow twitched and Dabi shook youre shoulders. You opened an eye and fainted again. He sighed with relief getting off you.

“ fuckin bitch..” he muttered getting the medicine and applying it to youre new mark. “I go out of my way to make you mine and you....” he trailed off . “Youve lost youre free roam privileges , you know that right?” He asked youre body as he paced around. “I cant trust you, and that hurts me”

He left you there on the bed chained up, the slame of the door scared you awake and you rubbed youre eyes sitting up. The chain clicked when you moved youre legs. Looking down you saw they were chained at youre ankles . You also saw the heavy medicine abd bandages on youre chest. You coughed and heaved a few times and looked around.

“What.. happened? Dabi..?”

You tugged the chains on youre ankles and stopped short. You could not get up.

“I.. i remember .... Shoto’s voice... and.. being dragged but..” you felt around the bed feeling the remote. Youre finger pressed on a button turning it on making you look over. It was the same channel it always was. You picked the remote up looking it over. Slowly you pressed the Next button.

“This is youre local News with an update on the missing UA student case. We have no leads and are trying out very hardest to find this poor student.”

You tilted youre head at the tv watching it. A tall man pushed the reportor out of the way and youre heart jumped.

“Y/N... if you see this. Im looking for you, i never gave up looking for you. I dont care how long it takes. I will find you”

Ice cubes fell out of youre arms and a couple tears fell down youre cheeks.

“S.. sen... sens.. sensei?.....”

#inferno #boku no hero fanfic #dabi #reader x dabi #dabi x reader #league of villains #yandere my hero academia #yandere dabi #my hero academia #my hero academia fan fiction #dabi todoroki #touya todoroki #todoroki

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jimlingss · 4 years

Text

Thank you, everyone, for your words of encouragement. In this short amount of time, I’ve been absolutely overwhelmed with messages of support. I want to reassure you all that I’m by no means as hurt as some of you think, or at least not after so much kindness. I’ve always encouraged all kinds of feedback!! From compliments to constructive criticism. And I’m (supposedly) an Adult™, so I can definitely take someone’s opinion.

Regardless, thank you to everyone who reached out to me. I want to respond to each and everyone of you under this post so I don’t flood other people’s dashes.

Anonymous said: about the anon who said your fics lack emotion, hmm i wouldn't quite agree tbh, i remember reading tears of a villian and deadass crying, it hurt me so much!! also, in "fall in hatred" their feeling are so well portrayed and i could understand why they acted a certain way! to conlclude, there is always some space for constructive criticism but your stories, are to me, something very attentively built and created, it's apparent that you completely enjoy writing, I can feel your enthusiasm!!

--to that anon; pls don't get this wrong way but it's just the way I see it and I've read quite a lot till now

nah deadass crying isn’t good enough anymore, anon. You have to be keening and violently sobbing until you’re brought into the ER for my fics to be considered to have emotion. lol I’m only kidding, thank you for the message.

peachiest-hun said: To that anon who said your work lacked emotions, I beg to differ! I have read Jungle Park so many times I know at exactly which chapter when the heavy angst starts happening and I read those parts when I just want to have a good cry (I still cry every. single. time)! Also Head Over Heels to Hell, The Colour of Our Voices, Love So Shallow (because I so relate with OC), and many more have given me the FEELS (happy and sad ones). 1/2

So what I'm trying to say is that Jimlingss is doing a great job in her craft. She does deliver emotions in her work and the reason I love it so much is that it's SUBTLE and not completely in your face. Sometimes emotions that are subtle and they hit you slowly, but powerfully it hurts even more for me. On another note, I'm loving Sugar and Coffee. In times of darkness which are often these days, I have something to look forward to every week to keep me motivated. So thank you Jimlinggs! 2./2

Istg Jungle Park is one of the most unexpectedly beloved fics on my blog but I love it hahaha I can’t believe you’ve read it to the point of knowing what chapter is what though. that’s an honour. There’s definitely stories of mine that are less subtle than others, but I’m glad that you enjoy the latter of them too :’) Thank you.

Anonymous said: This is my first time ever leaving a message on someone’s tumblr, but I just felt that I HAD to after reading that anon’s comment about your stories lacking emotion. I wholly disagree (in the nicest way possible, not throwing any shade at anyone). I’ve read all of your fics (for the past two years) and I look forward to when you release new material (the highlight of my Mondays right now after I come home from working at a clinic). Your stories have really lifted my mood during this pandemics an

Anonymous said: Sorry for that long tangent. Don’t even know if I made sense. You don’t have to respond to any of this, but you deserve to hear some positive words as well.

Oh my god. Did I just take your tumblr-message virginity? asdfghjkl I’m kidding. but thank you for reaching out to me. I can’t believe you’ve been around for such a long time and that I’m a part of your Monday routine :’)

Anonymous said: OK that ask about "constructive criticism" was def imo RUDE. You don't just anonymously go into someone's asks and bluntly tell an author that their fics "lack emotion". That is not the way to encourage someone to improve and continue to work hard. That's just flat out mean. That person clearly doesn't care about your feelings or the fact that you write and share your stories for FREE for us to enjoy. I love your stories and appreciate what you've shared with us. Thank you for your hard work ❤️

I like to give the benefit of the doubt to anons and anyone sending me a message online in general. God knows there were times I meant well but it was received wrongly. But anyway, my mind was more boggled than I was hurt, that’s one thing for sure.

joonie-mono said: + it was called love so shallow which genuinely made me see myself in a character, but my point was that your writing has a specific feel to it, it's made me laugh and cry (His Name personally killed me :] ) and that's my opinion. You and your writing are amazing and I'm sorry but that anon was just so wrong.

oof bringing out the evidence. be my attorney please.

Anonymous said: As someone who has read your entire masterlist (and going through it again) i will have to wholeheartedly disagree with that anon. The way you portray SO many emotions in your fics is *chefs kiss* and I honestly thought that the ones that “lack emotion” were meant to be that way, with an open ending, the idea that their love just started, soo.... yeah, I’ll have to disagree.

There are definitely stories of mine that are a bit looser on romance. Such as Kitchen Romance, The President’s Son, The Heiress’ Son, Arcadia, etc. But I have a loooot of fics that are quite emphasized in either despair/sadness or cute fluff.

ladyartemesia said: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I am here to disrespectfully disagree with anon who probably doesn’t write effing ANYTHING and has no idea what it takes to produce the content you do. I have followed for months and I’m still not through your masterlist BECAUSE reading your stories is a bloomin EMOTIONAL EVENT. When I read Brass and Strings, I LOST A WHOLE DAY. Like I was so into it, my DAY was gone. Anon is prolly salty there isn’t more smut I guess. That’s whatever for them. (Part 1)

It’s subtle, deep, meaningful, and incredible and you’re one of my favorite authors. I can’t FOR A SECOND let that comment go cause it’s RIDICULOUS. You’re literally so gifted. You don’t need to change a thing. Every artist, no matter their medium, should continue to improve. So in that sense I wish you all the growth in the world as you work towards the perfection of your craft. BUT SERIOUSLY you’re an incredible writer. That anon is loony. I’m so sorry you had to even read those crazy words.

As I answer these messages, it’s starting to feel like I’m the third party mediator of a dispute and all y’all are just HAMMERING it to this anon, LOL. I’m not sure if the anon is necessarily requesting for more smut but if they are, they might be happy this Friday (*COUGH spoiler for those actually reading my responses)

Anyway, you’re too kind. thank you. I am definitely not as hurt as I was earlier.

((and tbh you’re hilarious, you’re actually making me laugh irl))

krystle1990 said: Woah!! Ok first that Anon is absolutely crazy. I literally stalk your page for new work being put out! I probably blow up your notifications daily. I've never been disappointed in any of your work. You always give a heads up if it will take time for the characters to realize their feelings which I absolutely love. It always leaves me ready for the next part and I am glued to my phone with every update. You're amazing and I can't wait to see how you grow with your work. 💜😘

ASDFGHJKL PLEASEEE if it’s someone who’s worried about blowing up notifications, it’s me. To those who have notifications on I sincerely can’t fathom how often I blow up people’s phones. I digress, I always give out warnings to keep people patient since I know slow burn can be excruciating haha thank you for the message.

kigurumu said: Also just want to add that saying you have good intentions or "don't mean to be mean" does not cancel out whatever offensive thing you just said. IT WILL STILL RUDE. Not saying all negative feedback is bad. Criticism can be hard to take no matter how it's phrased, but telling a writer to be more like another writer is like telling them their style isn't good enough which is NOT helpful. Your writing is your own. If the anon wants to read fics that are like gukyi's, they can read gukyi's fics 🙄

Also I've been waiting until Sugar and Coffee is done so I can binge it all at once but avoiding spoilers from all the asks is so hard haha! I keep seeing all these good things about it and I'm SO tempted to just read it now but I've already waited this long so I don't wanna give up kfnrjrofvjskdh guess I'll reread your other fics in the meantime

The message was fine on its own but I think dragging in another writer at the end was definitely not ok. When will comparing writers end. But regardless, gukyi and I are cool with one another - i mean we wrote 100k together so it’s gonna have to take a reverse Zuko arc for us to be on bad terms lol

Anyway, oooh you’re one of those bingers. Can’t say I blame you cause I love binging myself, so it’s understandable for readers to wait till the series is over. and since you were so kind in following up your original message with two more and expressing so much appreciation for me :’), I’ll let you know that the finale of Sugar and Coffee will be posted by July 20th! by then, the entire series will be completed.

Anonymous said: Tbh i think that neither you nor that anon is wrong. Some people like it more romanticised and cheesy, some people dont. I believe that your stories are more on the realistic side of life. People (whom your characters represent) cant always be cheesy and passionate for love, there are other things in life! Maybe you're just the type who's too realistic for any hopeless romantic things like i am and it's fine. Not all writers can write dramatic romance

Tbh, I agree. It’s a matter of opinion and there’s no one wrong in the fight of opinions. As I’ve said many times on my blog, the cringe factor varies between person to person. What someone might think is fluffy is absolutely cringey to another. What someone might think is a good amount of fluff is not enough for someone else. I’ve written a lot. And I’ve made sure to add lots of variations between the amount of romance in my stories. Indeed, some are definitely more subtle and “realistic” while others are completely cheesy and makes me gag from the amount of sugar in it lol I just think the anon should take a look at more of my stories before coming up with such a conclusive opinion.

Anonymous said: I’ve been reading your fics for over a year now and religiously follow updates every week. Why? Because they make me feel something whether it be joy from fluff or grief from angst. I’ll remember a story of yours months after I first read it and return to it just to feel those emotions again. I understand that emotional responses are usually subjective but I think that anon needs to read your works again, because they sure are missing out.

I replied to that anon that they should check out more of my fics and then come back to tell me if they haven’t changed their minds, so I don’t know if they’re missing out or not lol

I don’t expect my stories to elicit emotional responses or fanatic feedback for everyone. God knows there’s been other people’s writing styles that just didn’t resonate with me no matter how hard I tried to read their stories. But all I ask is that people try. It’s fine if you give up halfway but at least try reading. That’s fair to ask, right?

#Anonymous #peachiest-hun #joonie-mono #ladyartemesia #krystle1990 #kigurumu

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purpli-writes · 3 years

Text

The Jester Fathers the Fool (Chapter 2: The Respite of Revolution)

Summary:

Akira Kurusu has always been sure about his home life, even if it wasn't the best.

But after meeting the Inaba T.V. Killer, he's no longer sure.

And... also he's the leader of the Phantom Thieves.

Updates Every Two Weeks (hopefully)

Chapter Summary:

The Phantom Thieves see Kamoshida's change of heart.

Akira also realizes that peace is something out of his reach.

You can read it on AO3 here.

5/2, Monday:

Akira awoke to the sound of his phone going off rapidly. After rubbing his eyes, he grabbed at where he guessed his phone would be.

Unsurprisingly, it was the group chat with Ann and Ryuji. Akira had figured he would hear from them soon into the day.

ryuji: this isnt good

ryuji: guys?

ryuji: is anyone up

ryuji: hello?

ryuji: it isnt only my life on the line here!

ryuji: wake up

ann: WILL YOU SHUT UP?

ann: so today’s the big day huh?

ryuji: ann i dont want to get expelled

ann: please shut up

ann: it’s too early.

ryuji: guys we are so effin dead

ryuji: we are so so dead

akira: no we aren’t.

ann: yeah we’ll be fine

ryuji: its easy for you to say that

ryuji: youre not the one getting expelled today

akira: none of us are getting expelled ryuji.

ann: we’ve done everything according to plan

ann: there’s no way this can fail!

akira: yeah, we’ll be fine.

ryuji: but we cant be sure

akira: we’ll.

akira: be.

akira: fine.

ann: yep!

Akira frowned as he shut off his phone, rubbing his eyes once again. Ryuji’s fears weren’t unfounded. In fact, it was probably the most normal thing about their situation.

“Are you ready?” Morgana asked, staring at Akira worriedly. “Today’s the day, y’know.”

“I’m fine,” Akira said. “It’s a bit scary to just wait, but everything is going to fine.”

It just has to be, Akira thought. If it doesn’t… well that’s it, isn’t it?

“You don’t seem too sure,” Morgana said, tilting his head.

“I am,” Akira countered, turning to change. “Just tired, that’s all.”

Morgana sighed loudly but didn’t say anything more on the matter.

Some lies weren’t worth the trouble of uncovering them. Not that Akira would complain about Morgana’s newfound policy.

After getting dressed, Akira went downstairs with Morgana in tow. Sojiro had apparently just arrived.

“You hungry, kid?” Sojiro asked, staring at Akira. “You’ll have enough time for breakfast if you eat now.”

“No,” Akira said quickly. “I’m not really that hungry.”

Sojiro frowned. “Are you sure?”

Akira nodded.

“Make sure you flip the sign to open on your way out,” Sojiro said, turning away.

Akira turned away, making his way towards Leblanc’s door.

He didn’t understand why Sojiro seemed so disappointed in how he had skipped breakfast.

His only guess was quickly brushed off as he turned the sign, marking the cafe as open.

If his own parents hadn’t cared enough, he doubted that Sojiro would, no matter what kind of person Sojiro was.

It just wouldn’t make sense.

Going through the motions of the school day was nerve-wracking, although Akira barely showed it.

Or at least he hoped that he seemed calm.

He was grateful when it was finally time for the assembly, as he had figured that was the do or die moment.

Who thought that the most important thing in my academic career would be a school assembly and not an exam… Akira thought, trying to find humor. I guess life isn’t easy to predict.

Akira and Ann found each other in the hallway while their class walked to the assembly, both looking a little grim.

“This is a bit scary,” Ann whispered. “Especially since we have no clue what this is going to be about.”

“We can guess, can’t we?” Akira asked, gripping his backpack a bit tighter.

“If it was just about Kamoshida I doubt the school would call an assembly,” Ann said shaking her head. “They like to sweep his behavior under a rug.”

Akira nodded, frowning as they finally reached their destination. “Out of the frying pan into the fire, it seems.”

“Hopefully it isn’t anything like that,” Ann said before going in.

Akira and Ann separated, with Ann going towards the front and Akira lingering towards the back.

Principal Kobayakawa stood awkwardly on the platform, adjusting his shirt every few seconds.

Whatever he was about to say, Akira was sure he didn’t want to say it.

After a few minutes of waiting it seemed that the assembly was finally about to begin. Akira tried to ignore the fear that clawed up his chest.

“Hello everyone,” Kobayakawa began. “As you all may know our school has recently been victim to a tragedy.”

“However despite the circumstances, we have been informed that the student in question will make a full recovery over time.”

“We will move forward from this tragedy by putting our best foot forward.”

Kobayakawa paused for a second, most likely to continue his speech on morale, but he never got the chance.

The door closest to Akira opened with a bang, revealing Kamoshida behind it.

The man had looked different, Akira realized. As if he had seemed sorry instead of smug. The thought was a little jarring, but Akira simply tried to ignore it.

“I have been reborn,” Kamoshida began, a bit out of breath. “I have… a lot to confess to you all.”

Kamoshida slowly shambled to the stage, the walk a bit lackluster for a former Olympic medalist.

“I have done things unspeakable as a teacher,” Kamoshida said. “I viewed this school as my castle and I was right to do anything I saw fit.”

“I treated the volleyball team terribly,” Kamoshida continued. “I would continuously abuse them until they gave me the results I wanted.”

“Mister Kamoshida,” Kobayakawa said hurriedly. “Please get off the stage!”

“And to the female students I was no better,” Kamoshida said, ignoring Kobayakawa’s attempts to get him off the stage. “I sexually harassed them despite their repeated attempts to tell me no.”

“I am the reason that Suzui attempted to kill herself,” Kamoshida said. “And when students attempted to call me out on it I saw it fit to have them expelled.”

“I will of course rescind the request of their expulsion,” Kamoshida finished.

Kamoshida then went on his knees and started sobbing, confusing the student body even more.

“I am a shameful person,” Kamoshida said, barely comprehensible. “I am the scum of this very earth.”

“There’s no punishment worthy of me,” Kamoshida continued. “The only way I could ever think of repenting is by killing myself.”

“Yes, that’s the only punishment that would be fair!” Kamoshida cried out. “I will die in order to repent for my sins!”

“What, are you a coward or something?!” Ann yelled out, surprising everyone around her. “Shiho didn’t have a choice about whether or not to jump but you do.”

“You need to live to serve out a sentence,” Ann continued. “Otherwise you’ll just be running away from your crimes!”

“You’re right,” Kamoshida muttered. “I need to live to see this through. Only then will I receive proper punishment.”

“Could it be the rumors were true?” a student near Akira whispered. “He really was doing all that stuff…?”

“Doesn’t that mean that the Phantom Thieves are also real…?” another student whispered. “Because there’s no way he’d just confess to that stuff right?”

“Don’t be stupid, he probably was just caught,” a student hissed. “There’s no way something like ‘stealing hearts’ could really happen.”

“I guess you’re right…”

“Please everyone, calm down!” Kobayakawa yelled, trying to regain control. “And can someone get Mister Kamoshida out of here?!”

“Jesus,” Ryuji muttered, shaking his head. “That really happened, didn’t it?”

“I guess it worked,” Akira said.

“That’s a relief, isn’t it?” Ann asked. “His heart really changed so we don’t have to worry!”

“Yeah, I guess,” Akira said.

Did we really do the ‘right’ thing…? Akira thought. It’s not like he would’ve confessed on his own.

“I mean, I’m glad it worked and everything,” Ryuji said. “But still to believe he would’ve never confessed without us intervenin’ is effed up.”

“We were forced,” Ann said. “And it’s not like that asshole deserved any better.”

Before Akira or Ryuji could say anything else, Mishima and a few other students came up to the group.

“We’re sorry, Ann-chan for believing the rumors so easily,” the girl behind Mishima said. “Please forgive us!”

“Huh…?” Ann said.

“The rumors about you willingly being with Mister Kamoshida,” another girl explained. “Please forgive us!”

“It’s fine…” Ann said hesitantly. “It’s all in the past, right?”

“No matter what we do now, it’s already happened,” Ann finished. “It’s best not to worry too much about it.”

“Thank you, Ann-chan!” The group said, smiling brightly before walking off.

“Mishima, you’re not leaving yet?” Ryuji asked.

“I really owe you guys one, don’t I?” Mishima asked. “I mean, you had no reason to help someone like me…”

“What are you talking about?” Ryuji asked.

“I revealed Kurusu’s criminal record!” Mishima yelled. “And yet you guys still decided to help me…”

“I won’t forget that I promise.”

“I’m a bit confused,” Akira said. “But, if you’re feeling guilty about the record thing, don’t be.”

“I doubt that Kamoshida gave you much of a choice.”

“Yeah, Mishima, don’t worry about it too much,” Ryuji said. “We’re all good now, so it’s no sweat.”

Mishima apologized a bit more before leaving the group alone once again.

“That was… weird,” Ann said, twirling her hair. “I never knew he could be like that.”

“Enough about him,” Morgana said, popping out of Akira’s bag. “Is there anywhere private we can meet up to freely discuss?”

“Woah, I forgot you were even here,” Ryuji said.

“Hey! I’m an integral part of the team!”

“Maybe we should discuss this at the rooftop…?” Ann asked. “Unless Ryuji wants to look like an idiot arguing with a cat.”

“Lady Ann! I’m not a cat!”

“To the rooftop it is, then,” Akira said, pushing Morgana into his bag.

Once the group had arrived back onto the rooftop, the fighting between Morgana and Ryuji continued.

“I seriously don’t understand how you could just forget about me!” Morgana yelled, glaring at Ryuji. “I’m really important, y’know.”

‘Yeah yeah,” Ryuji said looking away. “But dude, you’re also a cat.”

“No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you are!”

“Guys guys we get it already,” Ann said, rolling her eyes. “But we can talk about something important now?”

“As soon as this idiot admits I’m not a cat!” Morgana said.

“Well, that’s not going to happen,” Ryuji said. “Because you totally are.”

“Guys,” Akira said. “This is nice and all, but I don’t think now is the time.”

“You guys can fight later,” Ann agreed. “But we have to talk about what happened with Kamoshida.”

“Well from what we’ve just witnessed, as long as the shadow isn’t destroyed by us then taking the treasure holds no risk to them,” Morgana said. “As long as we’re careful, everything should go fine.”

“So you mean we could get people to confess?” Ryuji asked. “Without killing ‘em?”

“In theory yes,” Morgana said. “It worked well for Kamoshida, didn’t it?”

“Guys, I’m glad you aren’t fighting, but maybe keep it down?” Ann said. “We’re still in a public place.”

“Sorry,” Ryuji whined. “But it’s not like anyone ever comes up here in the first place!”

“They could with how much noise you’re making!” Ann rebuffed.

“Anyways,” Akira said. “Is it true that Shiho’s going to make a full recovery?”

“Apparently,” Ann said, twisting her hair. “I mean, we can’t be sure just yet, but it’s Shiho so she’s going to be fine!”

“But…” Ann said, trailing off for a moment. “She’s not conscious for too long, but anything’s better than nothing, right?”

“Yeah,” Akira agreed. “She’ll improve in no time.”

“Well, didja get to talk to her?” Ryuji asked. “To find out why she… y’know…”

“Jeez, can’t you have any tact?!” Ann complained. “But yeah, I did.”

“What a pair of idiots we made,” Ann continued. “She found out about my ‘deal’ with Kamoshida… and I guess she just had enough of it.”

“So you were both trying to protect each other, huh,” Akira said. “You’re both good for each other, it seems.”

“Yeah,” Ann agreed. “Still, if we had only just… I don’t know…”

“It’s tough, yeah, but you can’t blame yourself for Suzui’s actions,” Ryuji said. “If anyone’s to blame it’s that bastard Kamoshida.”

“Yeah, it isn’t your fault Lady Ann!” Morgana added. “You did everything you could’ve!”

“And you know what’s even worse?” Ann asked. “Shiho’s mom is thinking about transferring her to a new school.”

“Damn,” Ryuji said. “That’s… got to be rough.”

“But it’s probably for the best,” Ann said. “Considering the reputation she has over here.”

“She’ll be fine,” Akira said, smiling slightly. “She has you to back her up, doesn’t she?”

“Of course she does,” Ann said. “It still just… sucks.”

“It’ll get better, Ann,” Akira said. “You’ve just got to be patient now.”

“Speaking of getting better,” Morgana said. “We’ve still got the treasure, don’t we?”

“Ohh yeah, we do!” Ryuji said. “What are we gonna do with it?”

Akira pulled out the olympic medal and placed it on the table. “We should probably sell it, shouldn’t we?”

“But how are we deciding shares?” Ryuji asked. “We all played an equal part, right?”

“We should split it, but…” Ann began. “I get to have Ryuji’s share.”

“Huh?!” Ryuji yelled. “What gives you the right?!”

“You owe me, that’s what.”

“What?! How?!”

“I lent you money,” Ann said, twirling her hair once again. “You never paid it back, so…”

“It’s got to be worth lots in interest at this point, right?”

“That ain’t fair!” Ryuji yelled. “You’ve already paid yourself back by now!”

“That doesn’t count,” Ann said. “You’ve got to pay back what you owe, y’know.”

“I think it’s best if we decide it later…” Morgana said. “I’ve got to take Akira to where we’ll sell it first.”

“I’m selling it?” Akira asked.

“Yeah,” Morgana said, stretching slightly. “It doesn’t look like those two are going to be done arguing anytime soon.”

Akira sighed, grabbing the medal once more.

It seemed they weren’t done with the drama of Kamoshida just yet.

This isn’t too bad at least, Akira thought. Although who knows where Morgana wants to sell this medal.

Akira and Morgana awkwardly defused themselves from the argument between Ann and Ryuji, quickly making their way back to Leblanc.

Once Akira was in the safety of the cafe, he texted the group chat, a little too curious about what Ryuji had even borrowed money from Ann for.

akira: so guys, how was dying today?

akira: i liked the part where the change of heart happened and we didn’t die.

ryuji: hey!

ryuji: it couldve not worked

ryuji: my fears were valid

ann: um… the fact that it did work

ann: proves your fears werent valid???

akira: anyways, i want to know what ryuji owes ann so much money for.

akira: did you buy a house or something.

ryuji: i bought something for my mom

ryuji: on a field trip

ann: not my fault that you didn’t have enough money!

ryuji: it was only 500 yen

ann: yeah but think of the interest…

ann: i could’ve bought so much candy with that.

ann: so really im doing you a favor

akira: maybe i’ll just keep the money.

akira: split it with morgana if i’m feeling generous.

ann: you can’t do that!

ryuji: thats unfair!

akira: i’m joking.

akira: we’ll figure out something.

“You look happy today,” Sojiro said once Akira turned off his phone. “Anything interesting happen?”

“Nope,” Akira said, shrugging. “A normal day, all things considered.”

“Alright then,” Sojiro said, not looking the slightest bit convinced. “Whatever you say.”

“You really believe that a delinquent student can’t live a normal life?” Akira asked, letting Morgana out of his bag when he saw there were no customers.

“Considering that it’s you we’re talking about?” Sojiro asked, smiling slightly. “You’ll have to forgive my skepticism.”

Akira smiled. “I don’t think I’m getting a fair chance here.”

“Maybe not,” Sojiro agreed. “But it’s not like you have any other choice.”

“Guess not,” Akira said. “You don’t mind if this ‘delinquent’ studies, do you?”

“As long as you close up,” Sojiro said. “You’re free to do whatever you want as long as you don’t burn down the cafe.”

“I’ll try my hardest,” Akira promised.

Sojiro just sighed.

Maybe he had looked the tiniest bit fond.

Once Sojiro left, Akira pulled out a textbook ready to study earnestly.

After a particularly hard problem, Akira had paused, chewing on his pen slightly. “So, where are you dragging me to sell the medal, Morgana?” “You know that fake gun store that Ryuji dragged us to?” Morgana asked. “We’re going there.”

“Untouchable?” Akira asked. “You think he’ll buy the medal?”

“He gives off that sort of vibe,” Morgana said. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“You can’t just start judging people based on what ‘vibe’ they give off,” Akira said, turning his attention back to studying. “You give off a cat vibe, yet you claim to not be a cat.”

“I’m not a cat!”

“Sure.”

5/3, Tuesday:

When Akira woke up the next morning, all he could feel was relief. He hadn’t noticed before, but the weight of expulsion had worn heavily on him. Now that Kamoshida was gone for good, Akira could breathe again.

“You look different,” Morgana grumbled. “Have a good dream or something?”

“Something like that,” Akira said. “Didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“It’s fine,” Morgana said. “I probably wouldn’t have slept for much longer.”

“But be more careful next time!”

“I’ll try.”

After Akira changed into his daily clothes, he went downstairs to see Sojiro waiting for him.

“Kid, just the person I was hoping to see,” Sojiro said, staring Akira down. “I’m going to need you to do some chores around here.”

“Huh?” Morgana asked from the bag. “You can’t be doing chores, you have to sell the medal!”

“Can I do them when I get back?” Akira asked.

“No can do,” Sojiro said. “You’ll be helping me for the day.”

Akira sighed. “Alright, then.”

“Don’t look too sad about it, kid.”

After changing into an apron, Akira had begun to help Sojiro. He didn’t make any coffee, but he cleaned the dishes.

Morgana was stuck upstairs, thankfully silent, leaving Akira alone with his thoughts and the occasional small talk from Sojiro.

Before long, the T.V. blared to life, bringing with it apparent breaking news. Akira had tuned in just enough to hear about Kamoshida.

I wondered if he was turned in or if he turned himself in… Akira thought. Both are possible with the way he was acting.

“That’s from your school isn’t it?” Sojiro asked, staring at the T.V. worriedly.

“I guess so,” Akira said. “I’m not really paying attention to it.”

Sojiro frowned. “Get back to work.”

Akira nodded, continuing to wash dishes.

I guess if I wanted any more confirmation that’s as good as anything, Akira thought. That’s the final nail in the coffin.

After a bit longer of doing work in the cafe, it had seemed that Sojiro had finally taken pity on him.

Or at least he’d taken pity on Morgana.

“You can’t just leave your cat alone for so long,” Sojiro sighed. “At least not when you’re right here.”

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Akira said, putting away a recently cleaned dish. “He’s spent longer on his own.”

“It still isn’t good to just leave him!” Sojiro said. “Jeez kid, you should really care more about your cat.”

Akira smiled slightly. “I’m sure he’d be touched that you care so much about him.”

Sojiro frowned, crossing his arms slightly.

Akira wasn’t exactly sure what Sojiro was trying to get across.

“Do… you want me to go check on him?” Akira asked. “Don’t you need help around here?”

“I’m sure I’ll manage without your help,” Sojiro said. “Go check up on your damn cat already.”

Akira wasn’t one to question a break when he was given it, so he had quickly gotten out of his apron and went up into the attic.

Unsurprisingly, Akira found Morgana on the bed, sleeping peacefully.

Like I said, he didn’t mind even the slightest bit, Akira thought. At least Boss was worried about him…

Huh, if anyone here has gained Boss’s favor it’s Morgana, Akira thought. Must have a weakness for cute things.

“Hey Mona,” Akira said softly, shaking the cat. “It’s time to wake up.”

Morgana groaned, mumbling something about five more minutes. Akira just rolled his eyes. If he was going to spend time with Morgana he’d rather if the cat was awake.

“You’ve been sleeping the whole day,” Akira continued. “Are you sure you aren’t a cat after all?”

“Huh…?” Morgana mumbled. “What are you talking about… of course I’m a human…!”

Akira found that Morgana’s protests weren’t as effective under a layer of sleep, but at least he kept to his story about not being a cat.

“I don’t know… usually only cats sleep this long,” Akira said. “Are you really so sure?”

“Of course I’m sure!” Morgana said, more alert. “How could you ever think I’m a cat?”

He… can’t be serious, can he? Akira thought.

“I don’t know,” Akira decided to say. “Just a strange guess, I suppose.”

“Well you can be sure of it now!” Morgana said. “Especially since we’ll be phantom thieving with each other from now on!”

“We’re continuing?” Akira asked. “Are you really sure?”

And also… is that a word?

“Huh?” Morgana said. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

“I mean, just don’t you think it’s a bit weird for us to be planning another heist?” Akira said. “We didn’t really have a choice for Kamoshida, but it isn’t everyday you run into someone like him.”

“Yeah, but like I’ve been saying, not everyone has a palace,” Morgana said. “It’s only the people who have distorted desires…”

“And at that point we might even be doing them a favor!”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Akira said, going to pet Morgana. “But we should probably ask the others before we do anything.”

“I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to go against anything like Kamoshida with just the two of us,” Akira said. “I don’t think that’d bode well.”

“I’m sure Lady Ann and Ryuji will want to join us,” Morgana said. “They seemed pretty excited about Kamoshida’s change of heart.”

“But that can’t be the only thing on your mind,” Morgana continued. “You seemed a bit hesitant about the change of heart before…”

“But, now that’s it over with, do you still have any issues?”

“I’m not sure,” Akira admitted. “On one hand we did what we had to do, but still, forcibly changing someone like that…”

“Kamoshida wouldn’t have changed, and the situation wouldn’t have as well,” Akira finished. “But even so, it just puts a sour taste in my mouth.”

“Kamoshida wasn’t a good person,” Morgana said. “Most people who have palaces won’t be either.”

“Sometimes there’s only so much a person can do without resorting to something more drastic,” Morgana continued. “But I guess it’s good to have doubts, even if they were a bit annoying at first.”

“People with palaces won’t change on their own, and the change we bring should be for the better,” Morgana finished. “So you can’t just back out now, alright?”

“I wasn’t thinking about it,” Akira said. “I’ll learn to live with it.”

“Plus it isn’t so bad,” Akira admitted. “We’ll be making a change, won’t we?”

“Hopefully, yeah,” Morgana agreed.

“Then I’ll be fine,” Akira said. “Doing this is better than doing nothing.”

“That’s the spirit,” Morgana said. “Which is good for you too, because we still have a deal!”

“Mona, you’re part of the team, isn’t that enough?” Akira teased.

“Hey! You have to help me become human again,” Morgana yelled. “It wouldn’t be fair otherwise, y’know!”

“Human… again,” Akira repeated. “Denial is hard to get over, isn’t it?”

“You’re not funny!”

“I think I’m hilarious.”

After a few more minutes of aimless bickering, Akira heard the chime of Leblanc’s door ring one final time.

Akira faintly heard what he believed to be a sigh of relief before he heard his name called. “You and your cat can come down now.”

Both Akira and Morgana went downstairs, with Morgana in his usual spot in Akira’s bag.

“So, was he lonely?” Sojiro asked, staring at Morgana.

“I don’t know,” Akira said. “I did spend my time talking to him, so I sure hope not.”

“You talked to him… that entire time,” Sojiro said, staring at Akira blankly.

“Yep,” Akira said. “We had an interesting conversation.”

“Well kid, you should probably look for another career,” Sojiro said, turning his attention to a dirty cup. “Comedy is not your strong suit.”

I don’t think telling him I’m being serious would do me any favors… Akira thought. Sorry Morgana, looks like to Sojiro you’re just a normal cat after all.

“Hey, you should probably tell the others that you weren’t able to sell the medal today,” Morgana said. “No need for them to be excited over nothing.”

“They might just get more worked up,” Akira said. “But I’ll let them know, just in case.”

“You’re really talking to your cat, huh,” Sojiro said.

akira: hey guys, wasn’t able to sell the medal today.

akira: had chores.

akira: don’t be too angry.

ann: when are you going to sell it?

ann: i think i have an idea on what to do with the money

ryuji: if its just taking my share

ryuji: im not interested

ann: your share is my share

ann: and it’s nothing like that!

ann: we’ll all be getting equal benefit out of this!

ann: hopefully.

akira: i’ll be selling it tomorrow.

akira: hopefully.

akira: and as long as it’s just ryuji’s share going to ann, that’s fine.

ryuji: dude!

ryuji: what the eff

akira: sorry ryuji, but there’s not much i can do.

akira: you are in debt.

ryuji: it doesnt count!

“Of course he would say something like that,” Morgana huffed. “Doesn’t he know that any money he owes to Lady Ann should be paid as soon as possible?”

“I think in general it’s a good rule to pay off any debts,” Akira said. “Not just to Ann.”

“But especially to Lady Ann!”

akira: morgana says to pay off your debts soon, ryuji.

ryuji: apparently i dont get an effing choice

ryuji: dumb cat

“When will that idiot learn that I’m not a cat!” Morgana complained.

“Probably never,” Akira admitted, turning off his phone. “But that’s why we love him, right?”

“Speak for yourself.”

“Anyways,” Akira said. “You can probably lock up now, Boss.”

“Oh? You’re not planning on doing anything?” Sojiro asked. “I’m surprised.”

“The most I’ll be doing is studying,” Akira said. “Have to be a good student and all, right?”

“Somehow, when you say that it isn’t comforting in the slightest,” Sojiro said. “But I’ll leave this place to you.”

Akira grabbed his books, sitting in the middle booth with Morgana watching.

“Don’t go to bed too late now,” Sojiro said, going towards the door. “I’m not going to wake you up if you sleep the day away.”

“Alright, I won’t, “ Akira promised, beginning to get ready to work on the material.

Once Morgana was sure that Sojiro was gone, he began to complain in earnest. “Jeez, all you do is study.”

“Is there really anything else to do?” Akira asked, looking away from the book. “There isn’t exactly much near Leblanc.”

“I’ll show you tomorrow what you can do,” Morgana said. “Might as well study now since you started.”

Akira nodded, finally beginning to study.

There’s a lot planned… even now, Akira thought. I suppose that I should get used to it…

It isn’t so bad to be constantly busy, Akira thought. At least I’m never bored…?

Eh, I’ll think of something eventually.

5/4, Wednesday:

“Wake up,” a voice hissed into Akira’s ear. “You can’t spend the whole day sleeping, we have things to do!”

Akira groaned, furthering himself into his pillow. “Can’t I have five more minutes?”

“You’ve been asking for five more minutes the past four times!” the voice responded. “Enough is enough!”

“...Have I?” Akira asked. “I don’t remember.”

“That doesn’t matter!” the voice said. “You need to wake up now!”

Akira sighed, slowly opening his eyes. “Morgana, there’s got to be an easier way to do that.”

“Well maybe I would’ve been kinder if you had actually woken up the first time,” Morgana said. “Jeez, it’s bad when I wake up before you.”

“Well, what’s the big rush for today?” Akira said, rubbing at his eyes. “Is something big happening?”

“Well, you promised to sell the medal today, didn’t you?” Morgana asked. “We should probably at least try to get it done.”

“Yeah,” Akira agreed. “But why’d you wake me up so early?”

“It’s not early!” Morgana said. “It’s a normal time to wake up, actually.”

“Sure,” Akira sighed, grabbing at his phone. “I’ll let the group know that it seems I’ll be selling the medal today.”

akira: getting abused by morgana.

akira: woke me up just to tell me to sell the medal.

akira: a cruel world we do live in.

ann: that sucks

ann: maybe you could take a nap if you’re still tired?

ann: idk you probably should’ve been up by now tho.

akira: yeah, but it still sucks to be woken up.

akira: could’ve been having a good dream.

akira: now it’s gone.

ryuji: if youre having such a problem with the cat

ryuji: just throw him out

ann: ryuji wtf.

“Hey!” Morgana said, staring at the phone. “You can’t just let him get away with that!”

“Get away with what…?”

“Trying to get you to throw me out!” Morgana said. “How would he like it?!”

ann: you cant just be mean to mona!

ryuji: what is that cat going to do right now?

ryuji: he cant exactly text

akira: he can complain.

akira: i’m supposed to be fighting for him.

ryuji: dude whats he gonna do to you?

ryuji: hes a cat

akira: cats. have. claws.

akira: not a pleasant experience, ryuji.

ryuji: get him declawed man

ryuji: then he wont be able to do anything

akira: that’s something you do to cats.

ryuji: yeah

akira: i feel like i don’t have to tell you where this is going.

ann: that’d be really messed up.

“Gah, that idiot is such an asshole!” Morgana said. “Why does he think he can get away with saying stuff like that?!”

“Probably because you can’t text back,” Akira said. “I can send a message for you.”

“Tell him to watch out,” Morgana said. “Next time I see him he’ll be sure to regret it.”

akira: morgana said: watch out.

akira: he’s going to kill you.

ryuji: im so scared

ann: you say that now but you will be scared when mona comes at you.

ann: good luck!

akira: yeah, you’re on your own ryuji.

ryuji: its not like he can do anything to me anyways

akira: thats what he wants you to think.

ryuji: whos side are you on anyways?

akira: the winning one.

“Well, seems like you and Ryuji are getting along just fine,” Akira said, turning off his phone. “Some real comradery.”

“He started it!”

“I don’t think you’re exactly a saint in this situation, no matter who started it.”

“Well you should side with the victim!” Morgana said. “And it’s obviously me!”

Akira stared blankly at Morgana.

“Hey! Don’t give me that look.”

“Let’s just get ready to go to Untouchable,” Akira said. “The sooner the better, right.”

“Hey, don’t avoid picking a side!”

Akira changed quickly into his everyday wear, ignoring Morgana’s questions about whose side Akira was on.

Being honest with the cat wouldn’t have went well, as Akira could see that both of them were in the wrong.

He doesn’t really want to know where I stand, he just wants me to agree with him… Akira thought. I really don’t need to get into a fight with him over this.

When Akira went downstairs with Morgana in his back, still questioning him, Sojiro sent him an odd look.

“Get into a fight with your cat?” Sojiro asked.

“Something like that,” Akira said.

“Answer the question!” Morgana yowled. “Who’s in the wrong here, Ryuji or me?!”

Akira shook his head. “I’ll be back later, Boss, I have to go do some errands.”

“What errands could you possibly have?” Sojiro asked, looking a bit suspicious.

Before Akira could respond, a gray haired woman entered the cafe. From the way she carried herself, Akira couldn’t help but be the slightest bit intimidated.

It seemed Morgana felt similar as he had finally quieted down.

Or maybe he had just gotten tired.

“Am I interrupting something?” the woman asked, staring down at both Sojiro and Akira.

“Not at all,” Sojiro answered. “Take a seat.”

The woman sat down, frowning slightly. “The recent cases, mental shutdowns are really something, aren’t they?”

“Someone losing control and harming people,” the woman continued. “That’s certainly concerning, isn’t it?”

She’s… talking about the mental shutdowns? Akira thought. She can’t possibly be here for just coffee, can she?

“Ignoring that,” Sojiro said. “What can I get you to drink?”

“I’ll have the house blend, please,” the woman said after a short pause.

Akira felt frozen in place. Leaving now would seem a bit odd, and he also felt that he could get information out of her.

“Anyways, you’re a part timer, aren’t you?” the woman asked. “Which is shocking, I didn’t think this place could afford one.”

“I’m not exactly a part timer,” Akira said awkwardly. “Sakura-san is my guardian for this year.”

“Oh, that would make more sense,” the woman said. “I suppose you would attend a school around this area?”

“Yes,” Akira said. “Shujin Academy.”

“Oh? I know someone that goes there,” the woman said. “I believe there was another strange incident there recently.”

“Kamoshida… or someone by that name went through a strange ‘change of heart’, was it not?”

“That’s correct.”

“Ah, well I’m sure it’ll all be solved soon,” the woman said. “Is my drink finished yet?”

“Coming right up,” Sojiro said quickly.

The atmosphere was tense. If Akira was going to make his escape, he'd have to make it now.

Perhaps he felt a little guilty leaving Sojiro to be questioned by the woman, but he didn’t want any unneeded attention on himself.

After quickly leaving Leblanc, Akira sighed in relief.

“That woman,” Morgana said. “She sure asked a lot of questions, didn’t she?”

“Yeah,” Akira agreed. “She sure seemed to be on a mission of some sort.”

“I wonder why she came to Leblanc,” Morgana said. “Maybe she suspects Boss of something?”

“I don’t know if we want to find out,” Akira said. “We have enough on our plate for today, anyway.”

Yet somehow, even if I try to actively avoid her… I get the feeling I’ll be seeing a lot of her soon. Akira thought. There’s really never a dull moment around here, is there?

“You’re right!” Morgana said. “Let’s sell the medal and reap the reward!”

“That’s the spirit,” Akira smiled. “Let’s see how much crime pays.”

When Akira arrived at Untouchable, he suddenly realized he didn’t have much of a plan.

How exactly was he supposed to realistically sell an olympic medal? The only way he would’ve been able to acquire it was stealing.

Which, Akira supposed, wasn’t too far from the actual truth.

Faking confidence would be key, Akira decided. So he decided just to approach the owner head on, deciding that he didn’t have much to lose.

“I’d like to sell something,” Akira began, sliding the medal onto the counter. “How much will you take for this?”

The owner took one look at the medal before staring at Akira quizzically, “We don’t take fakes here, kid.”

“It’s not fake,” Akira insisted. “Please, just look at it?”

There goes the confidence.

The man looked at the medal a bit longer, eyes widening. “Where did you get this?”

Before Akira could answer, the man spoke again, “Nevermind, it’s probably best I don’t ask. I’ll pay 30,000 yen for this, though.”

“Works for me,” Akira said, taking the yen with ease.

“As a thanks for letting me buy this from ya,” the man continued. “Take this.”

Akira was handed a nondescript bag, which considering the circumstances wasn’t the most suspicious thing about the business deal.

“It’s probably best you don’t open that one, kid,” the man finished. “But be sure to bring it back here next time you come.”

That’s… not a good sign, is it? Akira thought. Really, anyone who would accept an olympic medal from a teenager probably isn’t the cleanest person to do deals with.

Oh well, really can’t complain.

“Alright,” Akira said, nodding as he adjusted his grip on the bag.

Before Akira could question anything more about the situation, two men came in. Similar to the woman, Akira could sense some sort of malicious intent from them.

The owner hadn’t looked the slightest bit surprised about their arrival and all Akira could do was question his impeccable bad timing.

“Munehisa Iwai,” the man closest to Akira began. “We would like to discuss some matters with you today.”

Oh no, Akira thought. This isn’t going to go well.

The men walked closer to the counter, while Akira walked past them to the door. Deciding to linger a bit, Akira listened into the conversation.

The other man began to speak. “You do know why we’re here today, correct?”

“I’m afraid, Detective-san,” the owner, now known as Munehisa, said, “that I don’t have a clue why you’re here.”

“Then you wouldn’t mind if we searched around here a little bit would you?” the original detective asked. “If you really have no clue.”

“An upstanding citizen is supposed to respect the law, correct?” Munehisa asked. “But I assure you I have nothing to hide, so you’re free to search as you wish.”

“Are you really sure the lead was legitimate?” the other detective said. “Because he seems pretty calm to me.”

“There’s got to be something here!” the original detective said, turning to face Akira. “You.”

Oh.

Akira stared blankly at the detective.

“What’s in that bag?” the detective asked.

It isn’t lying… if you’re not sure, is it? Akira thought. Really, how do I keep getting into these situations…?

“I’m not sure that’s any of your business,” Akira said.

“Kid’s right,” Munehisa said. “He’s a regular around here, I just bagged one of his purchases for him.”

The original detective glared at Akira.

“Well, there’s no use in questioning that,” the other detective said.

Akira nodded, “If there isn’t anything else, I’ll be leaving now.”

“Come back soon,” Munehisa said.

I’m not sure I want to be involved in this… Akira thought. But, this is the only source of weapons…

Akira left quickly, making some distance from Untouchable in just a few seconds.

“Jeez,” Morgana said, popping out of his bag. “I wonder what that was about.”

“Seems like we’re just running into trouble today,” Akira sighed. “Really, we can’t catch a break, can we?”

“Huh, but maybe something can come out of this,” Morgana said. “You should open the bag and see what the detectives were after!”

“That’s… a bad idea,” Akira said. “We’ll be returning this to him, and if this is what the detectives were after… well…”

“Ugh, I guess you’re right,” Morgana said. “But we should open it at some point!”

“I’ll think about it,” Akira said. “We should probably get back to Leblanc soon, don’t want Sojiro to be too worried.”

“You think he was fine with that woman?” Morgana asked.

“Probably,” Akira said, putting the strange bag into his bag. “He doesn’t have anything to hide.”

“What if he’s also a persona user…?”

“Wouldn’t he have been able to hear you?”

“You never know!”

When Akira arrived at Leblanc, it was thankfully clear of any customers. Akira had had enough of strangers for one day.

“Ah, you’re back,” Sojiro said, pausing his cleaning. “Did you get your errands done today?”

“Yep,” Akira said. “Was a pretty productive day, all things considered.”

“Hm,” Sojiro said. “You’ve been pretty comfortable so far, but you shouldn’t forget your situation.”

“It won’t be easy for you,” Sojiro continued. “But you should try to keep yourself out of trouble.”

“I will, Sakura-san,” Akira said. “You don’t need to worry about me too much.”

“Oh, back to being formal?” Sojiro asked. “Boss is fine, kid.”

Akira nodded. “Alright, Boss.”

“Anyways, I don’t mean to hold you up,” Sojiro said. “Go do whatever you usually do around here.”

“Hey,” Morgana said. “If you’re not planning on leaving Leblanc then you should probably make some infiltration tools.”

“You never know when you’ll need them,” Morgana finished. “Would be a good use of time.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Akira said. “As soon as you’re ready to leave, you can lock up, I won’t be going out tonight.”

“Alright,” Sojiro said. “Have fun talking to your cat, or whatever it is you do.”

“I’ll try,” Akira said, making his way up to the attic.

Huh, I should probably tell Ann and Ryuji that we’ve finally got the money.

akira: we’re 30,000 yen richer and one olympic medal poorer.

ann: oh? you sold it

ryuji: finally man

ryuji: but how we gonna split it?

ryuji: ann cant be seriously taking my share

ryuji: is she?

ann: don’t worry!

ann: you guys just need to trust me…

ann: i’ve got the perfect place to spend it

ann: we’ll be doing it tmrw

ann: so uh just wait until then

akira: sounds fine.

akira: hopefully it’ll live up to the suspense.

ann: duh

ryuji: i do get a fair share right

ann: of course!!!

ann: dont doubt me !

ryuji: sheesh just making sure

Once Akira turned off his phone, he went to his work desk where Morgana was patiently sitting.

“What are you going to try to make?” Morgana asked, licking at his paw.

“Probably a lockpick,” Akira said. “Those locked chests always seem to hold something good.”

“Good idea,” Morgana said. “You could probably make two with the time we have.”

Akira nodded, beginning the process of making the lockpicks.

“So,” Morgana said in an effort to break the silence. “What do you think is going to happen?”

“Huh?” Akira said, focusing on the almost complete lockpick in his hand. “What do you mean?”

“I mean.. do you think we’ll continue going to palaces?” Morgana asked.

“We have to, don’t we?” Akira asked. “A deal’s a deal.”

“But, it’s probably best if we stay low for a little bit,” Akira said. “We need to be patient about what we do.”

“Hm,” Morgana said. “I guess that’s the right course of action… I just don’t know how to feel.”

“A little stir crazy, huh?” Akira joked, finishing the lockpick. “It’s best if we don’t think about it too much.”

“Take the peace for what it is,” Akira said. “Who knows how much of it we have left.”

#persona fanfiction #persona 5 #akira kurusu #ryuji sakamoto #ann takamaki #morgana #sojiro sakura #munehisa iwai

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faunusrights · 4 years

Text

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 22

IN THIS EPISODE OF SURPRISINGLY TENDER TENDERNESS:

It had her soul by a hook, a barbed arrow digging into her flesh, gouging her bloody the more she tried to escape it.

JUST KIDDING

okay i’m just gonna HOP RIGHT IN if u dont mind me cause we in it now and i DON’T have time to catch you all up go read the fic!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT ASK ME SHIT

A direct line suited her better. From up here, with only the rain between her and the sky, the path ahead was so clear. The tether was a straight line.

a gaydar so refined it comes with its own overlay. sweet.

the planet below her resisted, no matter how she insisted

even when she persisted?

She pushed, and the force released like a broken dam, propelling her body away from the unyielding world beneath it—she leapt, high into the air, and it was like flying. With huge bursts of Aura, she cushioned her falls and leapt again, from rooftop to rooftop, making a straight line across the city.

can u imagine yr in umbraroot having a grand old time minding yr own business and then u see Very Famous Tenured Professor of Beacon Academy, Glynda Goodwitch, pinging herself across the sky? nobody would believe u. do u think it’d b on the news.

The rain fell hard. It was pitch dark. Glynda had the phantom of a scent: like the last breath of a campfire before it died, like a kinder version of the acrid stench of Grimm, Cinder’s trail was clear as day to her. She was getting close; she could sense it, like blood on the wind.

ISNT THIS NOSTALGIC,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, wow. its like glynda’s abt to ruin vale’s infrastructure all over again,

If Cinder was in a fight, this rain would muzzle her. Glynda remembered it vividly: how frustration tainted Cinder’s face in Forever Fall, how her fire sputtered and died. Even Cinder would lose her edge here, in this cold downpour. If she was in trouble—if she—

remember when glynda realised this for the first time and was like ‘hoho’ only now its made a thousand times worse because u have a crush emotions r hell and yr in the soup now!!!!!!!!!!! YR IN THE SOUP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She almost ran right past Cinder—might have missed her entirely, if not for the painful yank at her own soul.

did cinder just hit the ground like a wet grape

“Don’t touch me!” Cinder’s voice was raw. She snarled the words out like a cornered animal and lashed out with one arm, hitting Glynda’s hand away. The other arm was limp, still tucked to her chest.

BE GENTLE WITH KITTY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, lure her ass out w/ some shrimp on a string,

She shook like a frightened fawn under Glynda’s touch, ratchet tense and wholly spent of strength.

i cannot even describe how many of these scenes i am seeing so vividly in my head and my GOD do i wish i were better at sequential art cause i want to draw them ALL........................ I WANNA DRAW OUT THIS WHOLE THING!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

god i cant like. TALK ABT THIS SCENE WITHOUT COPY-PASTING THE ENTIRE THING BUT AAAAAAAAAA god. GOD. i just. phew. PHEW. its REAL TENDER. GLYNDA PICKING CINDER UP LIKE A LIL GRAPE AND wait diesel is this the thing you drew art of. diesel. diesel look at me is this that art--

Her fingers bunched in Glynda’s shirt. They were drenched and cold and Glynda hurt so much inside for her—whatever had happened to Cinder this night had destroyed her, that much was clear.

/sips drink see if i were an asshole id say hoohoo the karma but as i am not i say only this: babey 😔

If they recognized her name, they were determined to act normally when arranging the room she asked for.

“hey didn’t we just see her ping across the city a couple of hours ago--” “greg don’t even ask”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Cinder mumbled. “Leave me.”

“I won’t.”

ough,,,, directly in the kokoro i see

The shower was a collaborative effort; Glynda inspected for injuries while Cinder sat in the tub, warm water pelting down on them both.

other slowburns when they share a shower: hoohoo,,,,,,,, the tension,,,,,,,,, the s k i n offal hunt: what if you got in the shower with yr ex-enemy,,,,,,,,,, to inspect her wounds,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, and you were both girls 😳

Glynda gently roused her own, pressing a tender flow of it through her palms, offering it to Cinder.

Cinder’s Aura was hollow and hungry. Her soul lapped up everything it was offered. Cinder leaned back slightly, like that would help the boost go through faster; or maybe like all she wanted was a kind touch. She didn’t look back. Slowly, the various cuts and scrapes that littered her body erased themselves.

i am loving this mirroring which you probably already guessed but im like wriggling in my chair abt it all,,,,,,,,,,,,,, THIS GAY SHIT. FUCK YEA. FUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEA

She turned off the shower and stepped out, gathering up the biggest towels she had found, bundling Cinder up in one and fluffing her hair again. This time the white towel came away clean. Cinder peered out owlishly, her face a far healthier color despite the purple bruising that remained around her eyes, telling plainly of her weariness.

OKAY straight up that description is so cute i physically clapped a hand to my mouth and went ‘AWUGH’ because BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! B A B Y

There was a gulf between them in the hotel bed.

It wasn’t at all like their nights at Cinder’s house. This was closed off. Distant. A thousand questions and answers hung unspoken in the air, heavy like the rain clouds themselves. The two of them were warm and dry, but not much else. There was little comfort to speak of.

see the real slowburn experience is having progress and losing that shit again. we take one step forwards and two back. u get the HIGH and then u get the real low but rn i hope cinders round face smiles once again. nobody who looks that baby like should ever b so sad and thats a fact 😔

Cinder, in her sleep, started crying again. It came and went in disconnected pieces, until she finally cried herself awake, startling out of her dreams.

i sent this crying cat in response to the update announcement but i never knew how real it was until now

again there’s a whole ass section where i cant pick one bit cause its ALL good but GOD this fucking. whole silent conversation theyre having. OUGH. THE SOULMATES.

When Cinder didn’t answer the question, Glynda held one arm out, lifting the blankets between them. “Cinder.”

Glynda didn’t know which surprised her more: that she had offered, or that Cinder accepted.

OH???????????

She settled quietly, face pressed into Glynda’s collarbone, her breath flitting warm over scar-marked skin. Glynda’s arm, curled around her back, weighed her down. Cinder did not hold on to her in return. She was folded up around herself, fitting into the space Glynda had made for her, taking to warmth and shelter like an abandoned child.

OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;w;

also whuh-oh:

The fear was eating her alive, and bit by bit, her skin seemed to unravel, every layer of her body sloughing off into just meat, rent through by that light—it felt like teeth, like destruction, like being twisted apart in some giant’s hands like an insect having its wings pulled out. It held fury like she had never felt. She quailed before it, and it bared its teeth, black tar and grave-rot spilling from between yellowed fangs.

Glynda tried to close her eyes, to look away, to run away, but it seized her like a bear trap sinking its jagged teeth into the wrong prey, snapping a much more fragile deer bone with ease. It sieved her being out from between her ribs, drinking only the cacophony of her soul, lapping up every part of her inheritance—all the while she was fighting, struggling helplessly in its grasp, her mind mere shatterings of bright-red pain, with only slivers of meat and fragments of bone remaining of her body—torn apart by lances of sunlight, burning like fire, a dawn that came with the sound of a scream.

firstly: 👈😎👈

secondly: do i gotta say how i love how visceral this fic is? i say it like in every liveblog. BUT IM SAYING IT AGAIN FOR GOOD MEASURE. IM SAYING IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was coming. It would destroy her. With ease, with relish, it would tear her still beating heart from her chest and discard it, offal from the slaughter—and then it would dig deeper still, to draw out of her that very engine that kept her moving.

is this the closest we’ve gotten to an almost title namedrop?

Glynda stared through the darkness, seeing nothing, but knowing without a doubt that her gaze pointed north like a compass.

HRM............................................. I N 👈 T E R 😎 E S T I 👈 N G

THATS CHAPTER 22 BABEY. it was VERY good. i mean rip cinder’s whole ass but i do love her. i love this evil baby. i also love glynda picking her up with all the effort of picking up a bag of crisps,

#rwby #offal hunt #liveblog

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reeree1500 · 5 years

Text

The Return- Part 10

Disclaimer: YALL IM SO SO SO SORRY.😭😭 I have been horrible and not updated this story for at least a month.😬 I can explain though... University has been kicking my ass and between that and my co-op placement at a law firm.😅 Ive had absolutely no time to do anything😩 BTW IVE MISSED YALL SO MUCH❤️And Ive read all your messages and asks. And yes my mental health is now better and y'all are so understanding and supportive 💕 honestly could not have asked for a better group of individuals☺️❤️

Part 1 part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 11

Anyways onto the storyyyyy.....

Warnings: ANGSTY AF (kinda figured out that im probably a smut and angst writer at this point🤷🏽‍♀️), sucky ass grammar and spelling like always, my cliche imagination and the fact that Im probably a horrible human being😬😩 Also made it extra long cuz I felt baddd

PLEASE DONT KILL ME FOR THIS ONE😬

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @camatsuru @youbloodymadgenius @calum-hoodwinked-me @cutegyrl927 @wuxiesalt @readsalot73 @cindy-exo @affection-rabbit @amy8220 @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms @limbo-limbo-limbo @ragnarssonsbitch @supernaturalvikingwhore @ifihadwings128 @paintballkid711 @jenny-the-lover @funmadnessandbadassvikings @blonddnamedhandz @hallowed-heathen @pinkrockstar19 @ivarthethiccness

Sorry if I missed any of you💕 Lemme know if you want to be tagged. Also requests are open, and I’ve got a ton of them to do and finish. Hopefully Ill be able to post them soon enough

Arthur’s POV

“Arthur please! Open the door my love, I know what it may seem like to you, but I assure you that its not.” (Y/n) pleaded from the other side. I sat down on the mattress in our chamber contemplating whether or not it was true. Should I believe what my wife so desperately is trying to reassure me off. Or should I stick with my gut feeling and tell her how I have felt for the last 4 years. Her constant pounding on the door finally gets to me and I make my way to open it. “I wish to be left alone at the moment (y/n).” Her arms circle around my waist and I can feel her face wetting by back with tears. “Arthur please, talk to me. Why have you run off. You know that I love you. I do not want him, all he does is bring me pain and you take that away. So please, talk to me!” (y/n) murmurs into my back. As much as it pains me to do so I pry her hands off of me and sit us down on the bed. All I do is long for her touch, but this is not okay. I cannot keep feeling this way and go on pretending that I could have ever stood a chance against him. “(y/n), look at me. I love you and I always will. But its evident that you love him. and I honestly can say that I know I will never stand a chance against him, because the thought of you possibly running back to him has always been on my mind since the day we got married.”

Her eyes showed so much pain that confessing this felt as if I was driving a knife through her heart. “Arthur, I love you. What can I do to show you that. Yes I confess that I was in love with him, but that was long ago and I have left it in the past in order to build a future with you. Whom I love and who I share and will continue to share beautiful children with. So please don't shut me out, Arthur.” She says leaning our foreheads together and holding my face in her gentle hands. “Ok, however I want to be able to process things by myself. So I have decided to have the guest room across the hall prepared only until I figure things out.” With out giving her a chance to fight back, I place my lips on hers and savour the kiss as if it were our last. Meeting her eyes was something I wanted to avoid as I knew that just looking at her broken expression would make me change my mind. I hastily make my way out of the room, but sneak a quick glance over my shoulder to find my wife staring off into the direction where I once sat. With tears streaming down her eyes...

Your POV

What had I done? Why was I such fool to not see what my husband was clearly going through? Millions of questions rushed into my mind about how to go about this situation. I loved Arthur, I was clear on that. But he spoke the truth, there was something in me that could not let Ivar go and it took hurting my husband and Ivar to figure that out. As I sulked I forgot about the doctor whom I had asked to see me earlier. I was having really bad stomach pains and my breasts were more tender then they had ever been. So I wanted to make sure that I was not sick, as that would have been the last thing I needed on my plate at the moment. “My Queen, are you alright? Do you wish to push back this appointment, I dont mind coming by later when you're better.” The doctor spoke from behind me. “Yes, it seems so. Ill let the servant girl know if I need you doctor. Im sorry for the inconvenience.” “Nonsense your majesty, it is my pleasure to serve you.” With a bow the doctor retreats from the room and Im left to my own thoughts once again...

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“(y/n), wake up... its seems that you fell asleep on the floor. Come on I’ll help you up.” Upon hearing Hvitty’s comforting voice my eyes flutter open and I cant help the tears that song come down my face like a cascade. “(y/n)! are you alright are you hurt anywhere? Why are you crying?” Hvitserk’s eyes scan my face and my body looking for the source of my pain, which is held in my heart, but he’ll never know that. “Arthur... He...” I try to find the words to say. “What! What did he do! Did he hurt you? I swear ill kill him!” With that Hvitserk tries to let me go and run out the door, but somehow I manage to stop him. “Hvitserk, No! He didn't hurt me. I hurt him... He believes that Im in love with Ivar, and I fear that their maybe some truth to it...” I say just above a whisper, with my head held low. “(Y/N), Ive known that since before you were married. It was obvious, but I would never say anything to you because I found that it was best if I kept such observations to myself, before I found out about your father.” Lifting my head and staring directly at him, I move my head to the side with a puzzling look. “What do you mean about my father, Hvitserk?” Hvitserk now mirrors the same lost look that I have on my face. “I thought thats why you and Ivar had gotten together, because Ragnar’s not your father...”

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Ivar’s POV

“Aghhhh!”Is the sound that comes out of my gritted teeth when the medicinal herbs are placed on my face. “That hurts like a bitch, get out! Ill do this myself if I have to. GO!” I yell at the servant girl who tried to cleanse and tend to the cuts on my face. “Ivar, please let the servants tend to you. I still cannot believe that Arthur punched you in the face. Hehehe, you deserved it though, how could you question the paternity of his children and not expect him to want to kill you?” Bjorn laughs as he chugs the rest of his drink down. “Well, if you actually cared about your children and the heir to your throne, you’d also be quite upset to find a Christian King claiming to be their father. Those children are mine! And its pretty evident, just look at Marjorie. She's my spitting image.” I snarl at him as the anger begins to rise in me again. “Ivar, thats your mistake and why you’ll never get (y/n) back. You believe that everything should be yours. And that people are things you can govern over, but they're not. Because those are children. And yes they may be yours, but you cannot take away what they have known because you want to be selfish.” He says with a stern look on his face, whilst getting up from his chair and making his way to the door. “Now get ready and fix yourself we have a intimate dinner to attend to with MY sister and the love of your life.” Unbeknownst to us, there was Freydis on the balcony listening to our whole conversation. And little did I know that it would come to be the thing I regretted the most.

At the dinner I notice (y/n) sit on the opposite side of the table from Arthur. This wouldn't have affected me if it wasn't for the look on both of their faces. They seemed distraught and broken. Arthur masked it well, but (y/n) was an open book for all of us to know exactly how she felt at that moment. Not much talking happened, besides Marjorie and Erik shouting at each other on who was better at riding. They reminded me a lot of myself and all I wanted was to tell them the truth, that they were my children and that they would go back to Kattegat with me to learn about the true gods and not the fable that had been told to them about their so called ‘God’.” “(Y/n) are you alright, you do not seem quite like yourself tonight.” Bjorn states with a concerned look that we all share. Even Arthur looks a bit concerned, but his body language makes it seem as if he is alright and nothing is wrong. “Sarah, could you please put Marjorie and Erik to bed? Its getting late for them and they have their lessons early in the morning.” She says with a stern and cold look in her (e/c) eyes. “Su...sure your majesty. “ At that Bjorn stands up as if to accompany Sarah, but is quickly stopped by (y/n)’s icy glare and venomous words. “Sit your ass down.” At that we all look astonished, but Hvitserk only stares at her with sadness and what seems to be sympathy. He must know why she is like this then.

Bjorn slowly sits back down on the table. A shocked look graces his face, as he cannot comprehend why she is acting this way towards her beloved older brother. “How long.” Is all she grits out through her teeth. “What do you mean, (y/n)?” My eyes meet Hvitserk’s own and the realization dawns upon me. She knows...

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Your POV

“Stop with the bullshit! I cannot take anyone else lying to me!” I scream as I bang my hands against the table, stunning everyone in sight. “How long did you know that Ragnar was not my father! How long have you kept the truth from me! How long have you known that Athelstan was my father!” I could careless about everyone staring at me as if I was a mad woman. I had been lied to my whole life. All I had known had been a lie, and the people who I trusted the most in this world had been the ones keeping it a secret from me. “(Y/N)... I..I’ve know since the moment you were born. But father had sworn me into secrecy and I could not break a promise. This doesn't change anything though. You are still my sister and you will always be.” Bjorn says in a haste as tries to come closer to me, but I step back and move as far back as I can. “Did you know? Tell me! Ivar did you know that we were not siblings!” Ivar didn't even have to answer. I knew from the look in his eyes that he too had been lying to me.

“I knew.” Arthur says staring right at me. “I knew that you weren't his daughter and I knew that Ivar wasn't your brother. But I kept that information from you because all I wanted to do was have you by my side. I’m sorry, for the pain I have caused you (y/n). Im sorry for being selfish and not telling you the truth, but I now see that I was wrong and as of tomorrow you are free to go back to your country. I promise that your title and lands will not be taken from you or from the children. May they be mine or his. But I cannot go on with this facade anymore.” Arthur says in the most calm demeanour as he stands up and comes to me. “You hypocrite! How dare you make me feel like shit for harbouring feelings for Ivar when you knew all along and knew that my whole life was a lie.” I scream as I run at him and slap him across the face. But before I can get another punch in I feel a strong grip holding me from behind. From the shocks and the utter feeling in my stomach I knew it could have only been Ivar. As I try desperately to release from his vice grip, my whole world comes crashing down when Sarah enters the room. With blood all over her.

“Your highnesses...Erik.... he.. he..” She tries to say through her shock. “What! What is wrong with my son!” Ivar, Arthur and I scream at the same time. “He.. he’s dying!”

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We all simultaneously run after Sarah towards the doctors quarters. Ivar with his brace on, manages to run faster than all of us and busts the doors wide open. if I wasn't so worried about my son or upset about the fact they all knew Ragnar wasn't my father, I would've been impressed. “What are you doing! Get away from my son!” At that Ivar rushes towards the doctor who is bleeding Erik out. Grabbing him by the collar he slams the doctor on the wall and his sclera go into bluish hue, showing that he is in danger of breaking a bone. “Ivar stop it! Let the man go, he is just trying to help.” “Help my ass! I will not let you harm my son, do you understand me! I will not let you harm him!” At that Ivar lets the doctor go, but not without staring him down. And the doctor looking like he is about to shit himself. Rushing to Erik’s side I notice something strange. The colour of his skin is now fading and his eyes have bags under them. But what hits me the most is the memory of Uncle Rollo teaching me about poison. “He doesn't need to be bled, he needs medicine. He’s been poisoned...”

“Mama! What is wrong with Erik! He will be okay right? He has to be okay!” Marjorie begins to say as she shakes with fear. Before Arthur or I could say something to console her, Ivar bends down and takes her hands in his. “Marjorie, listen to me. Your brother is a fighter and so are you. After all were related aren't we?” Ivar says as he lifts her chin. “Yes..I suppose that we are. Is it true what they say though? Are you our father?” At that Ivar turns to me looking towards me for permission. At this point I think to myself how hard it was to learn my whole life had been a lie and that I would not want that for my children, so I nod. “Yes, Marjorie I am your father. And no your mother is not my sister. It was something that we had to say because she needed to be kept safe.” He says ever so calmly. “Safe from who?”She questions “From my mother. Your grandmother.”

Cough*Cough* Spurts of blood cover me in seconds. My attention becomes focused in on my son again. “Where is the damn antidote! Please someone hurry!” At that Hvitserk runs into the room with a small green vial. “Here take this it should help him. Lagertha gave it to me before her and father left. Something about it would come in handy some day. Here.” Shoving the vial in my hands I open it quickly and lift Erik’s head. “Drink this Erik. It should help you, my darling. Please be strong, I know you're scared, but you’ll be alright ok. Everything will be ok.” I say through tears. Today had been the worst day by far. “Mira... please help my son. I know you're always with me, but please help me now. Pray for my son and ask God to save him.”

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A few hours had gone by and nobody had moved from the room. Arthur sat on the chair next to the bed with his elbows on his knees, looking straight and focused in on Erik. Bjorn and Hvitserk sat by the fireplace and were wetting some towels so that we could place them atop Eriks head. I sat on the bed next to my son and caressed his beautiful face hoping for a miracle. I had dismissed Sarah and told her to take Marjorie with her, but she would not budge. Sarah left, but Marjorie stayed and sat in Ivars lap asking him if Erik would pull through. Ivar was sweet to answer as best as he could, and I could tell that he truly cared for his children even if his demeanour wasn't the greatest. I knew that deep in my heart I would have to let him get to know them, but it still hurt especially knowing that he now was married. “Wait, where is Freydis? I haven't seen her since yesterday.” I say looking towards Ivar. “I dont know earthier to be honest, she's probably looking at some damn flowers anyway. Its best if she's far away anyway.” “Why would you say that about your wi-” “she's not my wife, at least not yet. Were not actually married, (y/n). I just said that to piss you off.” Taking a deep breath I go to stand up from the bed in order to fetch a bucket of water and some new cloths. Instead I end up on the floor cradling my belly, with a burning sensation in my chest and blood pouring out from my mouth. “(Y/n)! Mama!” I can hear the shouts around me. “Fetch the doctor! Now hurry!” The voices around me begin to fade and not before long I can feel myself drifting away.

“My baby... Save my baby...” And with that everything turns pitch black...

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my-chemical-bookshop · 5 years

Text

I have a mission!

(involving books, of course. All of you can join into this as well and flourish our home libraries!)

I recommend reading the whole thing, it’s actually pretty interesting and fun but like wtv

I am going to spend the entire day in a bookstore with my best friend tomorrow. (Utopian daydream??) And I have decided to start developing a mission inside said bookstore.

We are going to go there, have some coffee, or tea in my case, I spent a lot of time saving money and now I can say that I’ll be able to spend $50 in books! (IM SO HAPPY, AND DEFINITELY EXPECT A BOOK HAUL POST) So we’ll just talk, look for books, buy books, maybe even read them. Honestly my perfect idea of a best friends hangout, but have 1 (one) friend willing to do it, so after years of thorough planning ITS HAPPENING!

So, on to the actual purpose of the mission, quest, whatever you wanna call it.

The mission is to slowly but clearly and surely begin to build up a list of books I have read in the past, whether it have been as schoolwork (some of those books were actually pretty good), pleasure or as gifts, that I believe were good reads but for some reason are currently not in my possession and I believe should be.

So, tomorrow being when I’ll spend my day in a bookstore, I plan to wander around looking at book titles and start writing my everlong list of long lost books, and then with time, hopefully be able to buy all of the books (or the ones worth it at least) that are part of this list.

I am sure the list will grow with time as I see or remember other books whose titles I didn’t see at this bookstore. It will get bigger and I am completely aware of that, but I think it is worth spending a little time and some money to get back these good reads and amazing memories, I could even try and thrift these other books to save some!

on to the big question..

Why dont I have those books anymore??

There are a million reasons.

Either because I rented them out of the library, borrowed them, lost them, gave them away, threw them away, had them taken away, stolen, ruined, or any other reason I cant come up with right now, I have lost physical possession of these books.

When I was younger I used to not like reading as much as I do now, where I can work my wat through three or even more books in a single day, I did like reading but it wasn’t the book hoarder, “take care of them or I’ll kill you” kind of reading like it is now haha.

I know, dont kill me for this but I must admit I have given away or thrown away good books in my life.

I WAS NINE YEARS OLD WHEN I GAVE AWAY MY ENTIRE HARRY POTTER COLLECTION OKAY!? It is one of the things that haunts me TO THIS DAY as one of my most regretted decisions!! But I will get those books back even if it takes me five years! (It probably will) And I will maintain my updates and progress on this mission through this blog I hope you guys enjoy.

Also if anyone has any tips for jolting my memory and remembering book titles from the past that would be great.

I’ll reblog this with the titles of the books I am able to remember as frequently as I am able to or every time I remember some books worth getting back, each with their situation briefly explained.

So, shall I begin?

✔️The Fault in Our Stars:

I read this book both in english and in spanish, but I sadly only own the version in spanish and want to divide my bookshelf by language, and I also really want to own the entire collection of John Green books for which I am only missing this one and “Will Grayson, Will Grayson”.

✔️The Book Thief:

This one holds a similar situation as the last book. I do own the spanish version but have actually never read it in english and really want to do so. I guess it counts?

✔️The entire “Harry Potter” series:

Yes, the whole thing. (Except for The Cursed Child). I’m ready to be brutally killed by any and all potterheads including myself.

I grew up with the Harry Potter movies and became a huge fan. Everyone at my dad’s office knew me as Hermione instead of my actual name because (up to 12 years old), I would always go out in my Hogwarts uniform and had fluffy brown hair like Emma Watson.(I dyed it pink) I was obsessed, and as soon as I was able to read well enough to process the books, which I must say wasn’t long after turning six, I begged my parents for them, and I got them! But oh silly me, I didn’t value actually keeping my books as much as I do now! So I read them all, and then one day in second or third grade, there was a book trade in my class, and I decided to give away my entire collection of HP books hoping I would maybe get something really good or at least decent in return. You wanna know what I got back? A freaking Winnie the Pooh storybook. I wanted to cry (peobably did) but I couldn’t take my books back. Of course, I, as a child being able to read higschool-level books, thought everyone had the same abilities and tastes, and I was clearly wrong. While all my 8 and 9 year old classmates still read Winnie the Pooh or Disney kid books, I was off reading books over 500 pages, or series like Harry Potter, or The Book Thief. So this was of course a tragic moment I will always regret.

I will reblog updates in this post as soon as I remember more books yay.

Join me!

All you have to do is Re blog this post to join the mission!

I know I’m not the only one who has gone through this and would like to get them back and be able to form our dream room library, so join!

Add in your books and why you dont have them anymore, tell me what happened to your favourite book years ago, I want to know your stories guys!

I will also probably follow any book blogs who reblog this because I need more to follow!

#book #book blog #bookish #bookworm #read #aesthetic #have read #library #home library #long lost #lost #old books #lets get our books back dudes #childhood books #harry potter #memory #lost books #music

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your-iron-lung · 4 years

Text

No Shade in the Shadow of the Cross 13

aka ‘Slow Down’; available to read on AO3 HERE

Story Synopsis: Some weird low-key occult parties start popping up that Steve can’t in good conscience ignore and takes it upon himself to investigate. Billy gets caught up in the consequences of his meddling, and isn’t it funny? For all the strange things the Upside Down has thrown his way, it’s werewolves that Steve has trouble accepting exist.

Chapter Word Count: 7216

Pairings: Eventual Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington

Genre: Supernatural/Suspense/Drama/Horror-ish

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

Next Chapter: 14

Notes: SURPRISE!! its a SECRET DOUBLE UPDATE 'secret double update? what does it MEAN?' it means that, when i went back to re-read my story to make sure i was keeping on track for continuity purposes, i couldnt even get through the first chapter! it was just THAT BAD (imo), so i went back and re-wrote it entirely. it doesnt offer anything new in terms of plot, but boy howdy is it an upgrade to what it used to be. bless those of you who kept up with the story after reading that trainwreck

(this chapter update is dedicated to @pfandghoul bc they were my 100th follower here- THANKS BUDDYYYY) OH ALSO- i got a commission done of billy in the TERRIBLE OUTFIT (but with hair, bc i cant commission an artist like demonfleet and not have him draw those beautiful curls). PEEP IT HERE

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“Who else knows?”

Hopper’s voice, though sluggish and weighted with exhaustion, still carried with it a tone of seriousness that had Steve feeling prematurely guilty about the way the rest of the conversation was going to play out. He knew what Hopper was really asking; knew he wanted to hear confirmation that the kids weren’t somehow involved in any of this, and even though they weren’t, not yet, Steve still found himself turning his eyes away from Hopper’s authoritative stare, focusing his attention instead on the spot on the table where he’d been picking at the veneer absentmindedly. And although he knew the question was primarily directed towards himself, he let Billy answer.

“No one,” Billy said self-assuredly, a hint of surliness edging out with his tone as he exhaled a hot breath of smoke and leaned forward to stub his cigarette out in the ashtray centered between the three of them. He sat back in his seat with a grunt and a creaking of wood and promptly lit another.

Gathered in the Harringtons’ dining room- (the room itself being, remarkably, an equal point of pride to both of his parents)- the three of them sat gathered around the antique wooden table that served as a centerpiece, perched around its aged surface in differing states of dishevelment. Their collective exhaustion was as palpable as the smoke trails that had been gathering and circling slowly above their heads for the past ten minutes, in which Billy had chain-smoked three cigarettes down to the filter before either Steve or Hopper had had the chance to finish their first.

Sitting across from him, Steve could feel Hopper’s eyes, sunken and dark and weary, boring into him as he waited for his response to confirm what Billy had said.

“No one else knows,” Steve affirmed after a moment’s hesitation, in which he took a hard drag of his cigarette and exhaled with a long, drawn out sigh. He could feel the pressure of what he was going to say next catching in his throat before he cleared it and amended, “Well, not… not yet, anyway.”

“Yet.”

The repeated word dropped from Hopper’s lips like a dead weight, falling upon the three of them like a bomb. It broke whatever uneasy peace they’d managed to find in those few minutes where they’d all just sat smoking in silence, each of them trying to recover from the ordeals they’d endured over the night before reconvening to tackle them again. In its place, a taut, malevolent tension began to take form, and in it Steve could feel the enmity brewing against him.

“Yet,” Hopper repeated again, and this time there was anger in his voice. Steve winced reflexively, slowly turning his eyes up from where they’d been focused on the tabletop to meet his anger directly. “And what does ‘yet’ entail exactly, huh, kid?”

Steve opened his mouth to answer, but couldn’t force the words he wanted to use to explain out. Under Hopper and Billy’s stares, all the reasoning he’d had stored up for why he needed to at least tell Dustin what was going on left him. He could feel the trust his only two allies had in him turning into something dark and misconstrued as he sat there struggling to form a sentence, but was helpless to combat it.

“It’s not what you think-” he started to say, but was interrupted when Billy interjected by slamming his fist down hard upon the table, rattling the ashtray in its place and silencing him instantly.

“Well what the fuck is it then, Harrington?” There was such strong mistrust in Billy’s eyes when he spoke- mistrust and vehement anger, such that Steve could practically feel the foundations they’d laid in their almost-friendship crumbling apart. “Selling me out to this pig not enough for you? You trying to go national with this shit or something? What the fuck does ‘not yet’ mean?!”

“Hey! You need to calm down,” Hopper snapped, directing his ire towards Billy, who’d begun to rise out of his seat with each word spoken in anger. “Sit down and give him a chance to explain, alright?”

But he didn’t.

“Fuck that, and fuck you,” Billy said roughly, leering across the table at both Hopper and Steve. His stomach let out a low growl that momentarily stalled him long enough for Steve to intervene before he could say anything more.

“What the fuck are you talking about, ‘go national’? Do you even hear yourself, Hargrove?” Steve spat back, exasperated, tired, and unable to keep himself from matching Billy’s aggression when it was being thrust at him. He narrowed his eyes and took another hard drag off his cigarette before continuing, saying, “Who the hell do you think would even believe me? You think I’m just going to stroll into the Hawkins Post and try to sell them a werewolf story? ‘Oh uh, yeah, some douchebag I know turns into a big bad wolf during a full moon. You might wanna print that- warn the people! Billy Hargrove’s a more literal monster than we thought!’ I didn’t even believe in any of this crap at first, who do you think I could I possibly sell that to?”

The words came spilling out of Steve’s mouth before he could even think about what it was he was saying. He knew he’d fallen for another one of Billy’s taunts but couldn’t help himself; he refused to be painted as the villain in Billy’s fabricated scenario when he hadn’t even done anything yet, and certainly hadn’t been planning anything near as diabolical as selling Billy out to the country as some kind of freak sideshow act. Steve matched Billy’s glare evenly, half-aware of the way Hopper had groaned and run a hand down the length of his face. ‘You’ve really done it now, kid,’ his expression seemed to say.

Appearing taken aback, Billy seemed somewhat startled by the harsh words Steve had doled out to him. With a hand across his stomach, a small hint of vulnerability crossed over his features before he quickly reigned it back and pulled his lips back into a harsh snarl, his half-smoked cigarette dangling forgotten in the corner of his mouth to reveal at last what oral thing had been bothering him so much on the car ride over.

His teeth, Steve observed dumbly as he stared openly at the obstructions lining his mouth. Of course it was his teeth.

Thin, long, and all of them pointed, they looked more suited to what might be found in the muzzle of a large hound rather than in the mouth of a man. They were canine in nature, unnaturally fitted in his mouth where before his teeth had been straight and white and pristine, forming a smile so blindingly handsome it wasn’t always easy to look away.

“You’re right! You didn’t believe in any of this at first, but all it took was a little bit of proof to convince you though, right, Harrington?” Billy cooed smoothly after a moment, an eager look flashing in his yellow-blue eyes at the prospect of their argument turning into a physical fight in Steve’s parents’ dining room. “How much proof do you think it’d take to convince one shitty reporter in this hick town, huh? A mouth full of weird teeth? A broken arm that heals itself in, what, the span of two days? I mean, isn’t that what did it for you, Harrington? Witnessing this small little biological miracle of mine? Maybe that would do the trick. Could really blow the lid off of this one; might even be able to contribute something to your daddy’s legacy besides being a little piece of shit.”

“Enough!” Hopper’s voice burst from his throat, booming loudly in the condensed space. The suddenness of his outburst was enough to draw both Steve and Billy’s attention off of one another, though they were each reluctant to turn away. “You!” Hopper shouted, pointing one finger authoritatively at Steve, who sat and stared at him with a baffled look on his face, “Quit goading him on, goddammit. And you,” he continued, turning his command to Billy, “sit down and shut the hell up! He might be mouthing off, but you need to show this kid some damn respect for taking responsibility last night. He could’ve died going after you, do you understand that? He could have died for you.”

The weight of Hopper’s words had the exact impact he wanted them to. Steve turned away in embarrassment as a funny look crossed over Billy’s face. Confusion wormed its way through his anger, furrowing his brow and pulling his lips into a frown. It was a look Hopper had seen many times before when he’d been in the army, when soldiers who’d been at arms with one another were forced to let it go under the threat of punishment from their higher ups. It was a dark, begrudging sort of obedience fresh cadets endured when their commanding officers demanded they stand down when they weren’t quite ready to. With his momentum shaken, Billy’s look of anger slowly slipped into something a little more unreadable as he sank back down into his seat, muttering a quiet “Yes, sir” aloud as his stomach emitted another horrifically loud growl that everyone in the room ignored.

“Christ, I’m dealing with children here,” Hopper mumbled, kneading his fingers against his temple. He took a moment to take a deep breath of collection and lit another cigarette, flicking his lighter fruitlessly a couple of times before a spark struck and he continued speaking.

“Nothing said here leaves this house,” he said sternly, making sure to make and hold eye contact with each of them to stress the importance of his words. “This,” he said, gesturing vaguely to Billy with his freshly lit cigarette, “doesn’t go ‘national’; it doesn’t even go local, you got that? Whoever your ‘not yet’ applied to doesn’t get to know, so you can put the idea that you’re going to tell anyone else about any of this right out the window, understand?”

He looked sharply to Steve then, insisting in so many words that the children be left out of whatever they decided to do moving forward. Steve bit the inside of his cheek and looked away stubbornly, nodding once as he crossed his arms across his chest. He was aware of how he must’ve looked- like a spoiled, pouting child- but he couldn’t help it. Of course he understood; it didn’t take a genius to understand why this needed to be kept secret, but he still owed Dustin an explanation, and right now he figured he liked Dustin a hell of a lot more than he liked Hopper.

Hopper watched him with a scrutinizing eye, and, as though he could read Steve’s thoughts, said, “Let me hear you say it.”

“What?”

“Say you understand,” Hopper said quietly, ignoring for a moment the fact that Billy was sharing the space with them. He enunciated each word with gentle forcefulness, not issuing him orders now so much as silently begging for compliance. “The three of us can handle it. We don’t need for anyone else to get involved.”

The air in the room felt very still in that moment. The cigarette smoke that had been pooling above them like a pale cloud continued its slow and stagnant swirl, apathetic to the nature of their conversation. Staring at him, Steve once again felt guilty. After everything that the chief had done for him, he still couldn’t commit to the promise Hopper wanted him to make. He understood where his concerns were coming from, but Dustin was already involved, in a way. He sighed.

“Well, the thing is,” Steve began to say, nervously tapping his fingers against the table, “Dustin kind of already knows?” Hopper’s expression turned dark, as Steve had expected it to, but better he tell him now than for him to find out later. “I mean, I asked the kid to use his house! You were there; you dropped me off. I didn’t tell him for what, or WHO,” he said, shooting Billy a pointed look, “but he knows something’s up. It’s kind of obvious I was trying to use his cellar as a holding cell, and I promised I’d tell him about it once things settled down.”

Hopper exhaled a long and forlorn sigh, rubbing his face into his hands tiredly. “Could this get anymore convoluted?” he mumbled to himself before he looked up and locked his gaze onto Steve. “Fine. You promised to tell him about it, so you will.”

Confused, Steve shifted his attention from Hopper to Billy. “I will?”

“Yep.” Hopper blew out a long string of smoke. As he did so, the tension he’d held in the muscles of his face seemed to relax. “We’re going to double-down on your dog story. You’ll tell him you were dogsitting for one of your mom’s friends. Dog got loose, and you had to lure it back. Threw some meat down there to attract and trap it. I trust you to make up some details to fill in the gaps if he asks anything specific. You got that?”

Steve stared at him, knowing full well there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that Dustin would ever believe that. And besides, Steve had already told him it was a red alert, but if this was what it took to get Hopper off his back, then, maybe it was fine.

“I understand,” he said, knowing he would, eventually, have to ask forgiveness for his future misdeeds.

“Good.”

Steve lit another cigarette and breathed it in deeply, hating how openly relieved Hopper sounded. He stole a glance towards where Billy was sitting with his own cigarette still hanging limply from his lips and felt that guilt compounded. He couldn’t say for certain what Billy must have thought of him at that point, but there was no way he’d have been able to keep helping him on his own, because Hopper was right: he had almost died last night. But with the worst of it over (he hoped), they could focus less on that and put their heads together to figure out what to do going forward.

Or, they could have, if Hopper’s hip radio hadn’t begun to crackle in that exact instance, releasing a string of police-coded jargon through the speaker. They all collectively jumped a little at the startling noise as the dispatcher (Florence’s voice, Steve recognized) requested Hopper’s aid in assisting his deputies with something he couldn’t decipher.

“Great,” Hopper mumbled to himself, stubbing out the cigarette he’d hardly been able to enjoy. If possible, he looked even more tired than when he’d walked in. “Yeah, I copy,” he said into the radio as he unlatched it from his belt. “I’ll be there soon; give me a few minutes to wrap it up here and I’ll meet them at the scene.”

He clipped the small receiver back onto his belt before coming to a stand, groaning in a way that was similar to Steve’s dad when he’d been sitting down for too long.

“You’re leaving?” Steve asked as he watched Hopper collect his hat and place it haphazardly on his head.

“Duty calls,” Hopper grunted noncommittally. He pulled on the coat he’d left on the back of his chair and zipped it up to the collar. “I had a few of my boys start investigating a lead for me. A small one, but if they’re calling me out there, it means they’ve found something, and hopefully it’ll help us settle all this a little more quickly.”

“But we haven’t made a plan for what to do the next time this happens,” Steve said concernedly. He felt exhausted beyond his years, but none of their major issues had been solved or even discussed yet. “We haven’t talked about what we’re supposed to do at all.”

“Next time?”

Steve turned from Hopper to Billy, who’d spoken softly and, despite having looked enraged only moments before, now appeared confused.

“Well, yeah,” Steve said, flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette into the ashtray, “this is like, a monthly thing for you now, right? Kind of like a girl when she gets her-”

“Don’t fucking say it,” Billy growled. Steve shrugged, unbothered.

“...but only for a day instead of like, for a week,” he finished, feeling a little bit of self-satisfaction at the way Billy cringed and groaned.

“God fucking dammit Harrington.”

“You were the one who showed me the movie though,” Steve said, shifting the subject easily to skirt around Billy’s annoyance. Hopper lingered by the dining room’s opening, hearing out the tail-end of Steve’s concerns. “It didn’t end for him after one month; he was like, doomed to keep turning every full moon forever or something, right? Isn’t that how werewolves work, and doesn’t that, y’know, kind of include you now?”

A dawning look of horror spread across Billy’s pale face as he made the connection. He blinked once, let the long trail off ash fall off his cigarette onto the table, and looked away, dazed, as though the thought of having to relive last night’s nightmare hadn’t occurred to him before.

“What do you mean, next time?” Hopper asked, parroting Billy’s earlier confusion. “You saying he’s liable to... turn again?”

Steve nodded somberly. “We can’t use Dustin’s house again; he escaped way too easily, but I guess we have a month to prepare, so it’s not critical right now or anything,” he explained, to which Hopper acknowledged him with a low hum. “But we still definitely need a plan for next time.”

“Leave it to me, kid; I might have something I can make work,” Hopper muttered. His eyes were unfocused as he turned and began to leave, already mentally trying to work out the specifics of whatever it was he had in mind. “Remember,” he called back once he’d reached the front door, his haggard voice echoing down the short hall, “nothing said here leaves this house.”

He didn’t wait for affirmation before departing. From the dining room they heard the soft click of the front door as it opened and shut, leaving Billy and Steve alone in the dining room. Turning in his seat to look out the front-facing windows, Steve watched Hopper get into his truck and start the engine, noting the way he let his head hang briefly for a moment before he perked up to back out of the driveway. And then he was gone.

A wave of exhaustion overcame as he sat there, eyeing the empty space where Hopper’s truck had been. He was hungry, tired, and wanted nothing more than to just be able to sleep forever, but as long as he was needed, that wasn’t likely to happen. His role as caretaker was ever-expanding, and now, it seemed to include Billy as well.

Hopper had managed to hold the peace between them (though barely) while he’d been there, and Steve couldn’t presume to know how things were going to go now that it was just him and Billy again. As he turned back in his seat and finished off the rest of his cigarette, he realized that whatever aggression Billy had been harboring towards him was gone.

“Next time,” Steve heard him mumble to himself. The dejected manner in which he spoke was so unlike himself that he was reminded of the way he’d been behaving the day before, as though he could no longer find his own self-worth. Billy took the cigarette that had been hanging off his lip and held it in his hand, staring at the dimly glowing cherry before looking up to catch Steve’s eye to say, “I don’t think I can go through that again.”

He said it with such vulnerable honesty that Steve found he didn’t know how to respond. His own self-worth took a hit as guilt and pity began to rise within him as he stared back at Billy, hating that he didn’t know what to say. It felt wrong to try and supply him with empty assurances when he had heard firsthand and seen the aftermath of how painfully debilitating the transformation had been. There was nothing he could say that could possibly begin to alleviate the horror that came with knowing it was going to come and afflict him again and again, month after month, for the rest of his life.

What sort of consolation could he possibly offer him?

“C’mon,” Steve eventually said, depositing the butt of his cigarette into the ashtray as he scooted his chair back to stand up. Billy watched him with an exhausted, yet vaguely sorrowful expression that Steve decidedly didn’t like. “I’ll show you the bathroom.”

Well, at least he could offer him a shower.

-----

Steve could hear the shower running by the time he came back up the hall with a fresh towel in hand, but Billy wasn’t yet locked inside the bathroom. He was leaning up against the wall beside the bathroom door, arms folded across his chest and eyes closed, dozing off while he waited for the water to warm up. As Steve approached, he noticed that, while Billy had taken off the bloody ruination of his old shirt, he still had Mrs. Henderson’s ugly bathrobe loosely tied around his waist.

Billy cocked one eye open when he heard him come close, and mutely traded the shirt for the towel when Steve offered it to him. Neither of them spoke as the exchange was made; a silence broken only by the sound of spraying water hitting the shower tile forming between them until Steve found it too unbearable to withstand.

“So,” he started to say, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, “about before… I, uh, really shouldn’t have, y’know, said what I did about you being a monster.”

From his position against the wall, Billy frowned.

“I was just caught up in the moment,” Steve continued apologetically. “And I know that doesn’t like, excuse my actions or whatever, but it was still a shitty thing to say.”

As he opened both of his eyes, Billy found that Steve was looking everywhere but directly at him, and in fact had taken to looking at his own reflection in a decorative vase while he’d been talking. It was awkward; he was starting to feel uncomfortable about the sincerity Steve was trying to convey.

“I don’t give a shit, it’s not like it bothered me,” Billy lied, speaking tersely. His stomach growled, and he placed a hand over it idly. “Trust me, I’ve been called worse things than that.”

Steve’s shoulders slumped a bit as he worried the back of his hair into a knot. “Still,” he said awkwardly, finally turning away from the dark reflection of the vase, now absentmindedly trying to pull his fingers free, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Clicking his tongue and rolling his eyes towards the ceiling, Billy huffed out a deep sigh and said, “Look, Harrington, if you’re willing to make me some pancakes and fry up some bologna we can call it even. Just, stop doing… whatever this is and let me shower.”

Steve paused to think about it. “Sure, okay, I can do that. I think we’ve got some pancake mix somewhere.”

With that awkward bit of conversation out of the way, Billy eased up off of the wall he was perched upon and slid into the bathroom before Steve could make any sort of addendum and closed the door. He listened to the sounds of Steve’s retreating footsteps down the hall over the pouring water as he undid the tie around his hips and left the beanie on the sink counter, decidedly not looking in the mirror as he stepped into the strong, warm stream.

-----

Billy stayed in the shower for a long, long time.

Steve hadn’t really been expecting it to be a quick one, but still, as he stood over the stove making a tall stack of pancakes that would’ve been enough to satisfy the stomach of any starving man, he wondered just how long he needed. The water had to have been going cold by now.

The smell of the bologna frying in the pan had, at first, encouraged his appetite, but was now starting to turn his stomach. The smell of bologna alone had never been appealing to him, and to have to smell it as it cooked was nauseating. He cut off the stove, transferred the fried meat to a serving plate, and then sat at the kitchen table to wait.

He nibbled a little at a pancake, but couldn’t stomach the smell of the bologna well enough to finish it off. He waited at the table patiently, like a mother might when she was waiting for her kids to come down and eat and strained his ears to listen for when the water shut off upstairs.

It didn’t, though. He could hear it trickling down through the pipes in the walls, quietly draining away whatever it was Billy was trying to cleanse himself of.

Steve sighed miserably and folded his arms over the table, sliding the chair back far enough so he could rest his head over them like he used to in English. He closed his eyes (‘Just resting my eyes’, as his dad was prone to saying before he fell asleep on the couch), and soon found himself asleep.

-----

In a dream, it was snowing and he was driving, speeding along a narrow, unfamiliar road.

‘Faster’, he was thinking to himself as he depressed the accelerator harder. ‘I have to go faster.’

A deep, dark blackness enveloped him from all sides outside of the car. He couldn’t see through it or if anything was in it, even though he knew, intrinsically, that he had his high beams on and should have at least been able to see where he was going. The road before him manifested as a slick black line, wavering in and out of focus between his rapidly swishing windshield wipers and the oncoming flurry.

He was in a hurry, though he didn’t know why. Billy was fine. Sitting in the passenger seat beside him, he looked almost bored with Steve’s pedestrian effort to save him.

“I’m doing my best,” Steve said, unsure of why he was now crying. “I’m going as fast as I can- please, please just understand that.”

“You haven’t done enough,” Billy responded in a voice that both was and wasn’t his own. It hurt Steve’s ears to listen to as he whimpered involuntarily. “I’m already lost.”

Alarmed, Steve took his eyes off the road to look at Billy and found him looking back. His eyes were a dark, glowing red, and he sat with his hand perched on the door handle. In the window behind him, red eyes that mirrored his own were slowly emerging from the darkness, coming so close to the car that the glass was beginning to fog up from its panting breath. How it was able to keep pace with the car when Steve had the accelerator pressed against the floor was unknown and frightening to him.

“Don’t,” Steve begged as Billy’s fingers curled around the handle, getting ready to pull it open like an emergency exit, “I can still help you.”

“I’ve been lied to before,” Billy said solemnly, his two-toned voice warbling as he pulled on the handle and opened the door to give himself over to the creature that was waiting hungrily by the window.

-----

“The fuck is this?”

Steve opened his eyes abruptly and nearly fell out of his seat as he transitioned into a wakeful state. Startled, he sat up and rubbed at his eyes uncomprehendingly.

“They’re just pancakes, Hargrove, don’t be rude,” he said sleepily without fully realizing what it was Billy was talking about. “Misshapen, maybe, but still just pancakes.”

Freshly showered, Billy stood before him wearing the beanie taken from Dustin’s house and some of Steve’s own clothing. An old ‘Hawkins High Phys. Ed.’ shirt clung tightly to his torso, baring a little bit of midriff above the hem of some old sweats. In his hand he held Steve’s two-way radio Dustin had gifted him to include him as part of their party, and through that radio he could hear Max’s voice trying to make contact.

“Steve, come in, Steve! Are you there?”

“Why do you have a two-way radio to my little sister sitting by your bed?” Billy asked icily, unabashed anger seeping out of his very being.

“What the hell were you doing in my bedroom?” Steve countered, feeling his stomach drop when he came to understand the implications Billy was making. He stood up and made to swipe the radio from Billy’s hand. “It’s seriously not what you think.”

“Remind me, where have I heard that one before?” Billy pulled the radio easily out of Steve’s reach, glowering at him as they faced off. “This looks pretty fucking bad for you, Harrington; she’s not even fifteen yet, you sick fuck.”

“It’s not just for your sister,” Steve said heatedly, then, realizing how that sounded, amended by saying, “Look, I know you know I take care of her friends- this, it’s just- it’s just a radio to communicate with them, alright? They’re weird nerds who don’t like to use phones like normal people. It’s not for anything as dirty as you’re imagining, so would you quit looking for reasons to hate me when I haven’t even done anything?”

Sighing, Steve ran a hand through his hair and reached out for the radio, silently asking for it to be handed over. Billy continued to hold it, staring at him with an indecipherable look on his face. They stood at odds with one another before Dustin’s voice came through the radio speaker.

“Steve! It’s Dustin, we have a situation- please advise. Come in, Steve! Over!”

Billy looked at the radio in his hand and then at Steve with a scowl. He looked bored as he finally relinquished it without further fuss, sitting down at the table opposite of Steve and pulling the plates of food towards him. He gave him a mean look as he began sandwiching the fried slices of bologna between a couple pancakes before biting into them.

Relieved and annoyed, Steve turned away to speak into the radio. “I’m here, I’m here, sorry, what’s up?”

“Oh my God, it’s about time!” Dustin huffed. “You said you’d radio me later and you never did! Over.”

“Some stuff came up,” Steve mumbled, sitting down at the table and rubbing at his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Will,” Dustin explained. Steve frowned. “He says he saw something last night that might have to do with the Mind Flayer-”

“Whoa whoa whoa! Hold on a second,” Steve interrupted quickly, casting a furtive glance towards Billy who was now watching him suspiciously. “I’m uh, I’m not alone over here.”

There was silence on the radio after Steve let up on the talk button. Billy squinted at him and mouthed ‘it’s not what you think’ sardonically at him. Steve sighed and shrugged; there wasn’t an easy way to explain this.

“I swear Steve, if you’ve been ignoring us because you’re with a GIRL-”

“No!” Steve exclaimed in frustration. Why did it seem like everyone was against him today? “I’m not- I’m not with a girl; haven’t even been with a girl since-”

“Oh, Steve,” Billy chirped in an ugly, high falsetto, speaking loudly enough for the radio to catch and relay his voice clearly. “Quit playing with that toy and come back to play with me.”

Horrified at Billy’s poor impression of a girl, Steve turned to face him with a look of shock.

“What the hell is your damage Hargrove? You know they probably heard that,” he hissed as he let took his finger off the talk button. “Why do you constantly have to prove yourself as being the biggest thorn in my side? Can’t you hop off my dick for five fucking minutes?”

Billy snickered and laughed, clearly satisfied with himself. He shot him a wink when Steve turned up his middle finger at him and bit down on another one of his weird bologna/pancake amalgamations.

“Was that Billy?”

Max’s voice. Both Steve and Billy froze as she called them out, sharing a mutual look of horror at having been recognized.

“Steve? Why are you with Billy?”

“Uh.” Wide-eyed, he looked to Billy for help in answering, but was met with nothing but a look of shock. They both floundered for a moment, during which Billy took the chance to shove more food in his mouth as though to say he was currently preoccupied and couldn’t be assed to help explain. “It… wasn’t?” Steve finally answered lamely.

A strong silence permeated over the radio before it crackled and relayed Max’s voice as she said, “Steve, he’s made fun of me plenty of times that I’d know his ‘I’m a dumb girl’ voice from anywhere.”

Steve groaned and threw Billy a dirty look, to which he received a simple shrug in response. It wasn’t supposed to have been a secret, exactly, but his children knew the history between them just as well as he did and he’d eventually have to explain to them just how they’d come to be together sooner or later. “Alright, yeah, I’m with your brother. He’s at my place.”

“Step-brother,” Billy corrected gruffly, wiping away some crumbs from his mouth.

“Can he hear me right now?” Max asked.

“Uh,” Steve said. “Yeah, he can hear you,” he replied after Billy gave him the go-ahead.

“Don’t come home.”

At first, Steve thought she’d said it out of anger, or spite, or something. It was vague enough that it could have been construed that way (especially with how flatly she’d spoken), but the look on Billy’s face made it clear that it was less a threat and more a warning, of sorts. He stopped chewing his food, eyebrows coming together as he frowned deeply. That vaguely sorrowful look that had crept up around his eyes from before surfaced in his features again as he stared ahead of himself.

“Message received?” Steve asked quietly, unsure of how to process his change in demeanor, to which Billy gave a brief, curt nod. He shoved the plates of food away and sat back with a forlorn expression on his face. “Message received,” he repeated into the radio. “Could you uh, put Dustin back on? Who all’s over there with you guys?”

There was a moment of silence in which Steve pictured the radio changing hands. While he waited for a response, he pulled the dish with the pancakes on it closer towards himself and made a second attempt at eating one.

“The whole party’s here, Steve. We have a situation that requires your assistance, over.”

“Yeah, I remember,” he said through a mouthful of soft food. “Not to be like, dismissive about it, but is there any chance it can wait? I’m kind of… ‘booked’, for the rest of the day; we can have, like, a group meeting and discuss things in person tomorrow, if it’s not urgent.”

He was careful not to mention how he planned on sharing Billy’s situation with them if they agreed, given how angry he’d been about the prospect earlier. It didn’t look as though Billy was paying him much attention at that point, however, as he stood up somberly and walked out of the dining room without a word, no longer interested in eavesdropping on his conversation. Steve wanted to follow after him to make sure he didn’t go anywhere he wasn’t supposed to, but stayed still and finished off the pancake he’d been eating.

“He says it’s not dire; just wanted us to be aware that something might be fucky. You wanna meet up with us tomorrow afternoon at Mike’s house? Over.”

“Sure, that’s fine,” Steve replied. He waited a moment to see if Billy was going to return, and when he was certain he wasn’t going to, he dropped his voice to a whisper and said, “I need you to do me a small favour before then, Henderson.”

“Oh my God, Steve, seriously? Another one? Over.”

Ignoring the indignation with which Dustin spoke, Steve continued. “I need you to research werewolves for me, alright? Like, specifically if it can be cured. Can you do that for me?”

“Uh, I mean, sure? Why though? Does this have something to do with our campaign? Over.” The fact that Dustin was so suspicious caused a little grin to spread out across Steve’s face. In spite of everything, leave it to Dustin to find a way to route it all back to the game he’d gotten him involved with.

“I’ll let you know tomorrow,” Steve said, unable to keep a teasing lilt from affecting the tone of his words. “And uh, just so you know, I’ll probably be bringing Max’s brother along, so don’t freak out if he shows up. Over and out, nerd.”

“Oh, now you decide to start using-”

Steve switched the radio off abruptly before Dustin could finish his sentence and set it face down on the surface of the table. He sat still for a moment, feeling his earlier exhaustion swirling within him like a snowglobe before he stood up and wandered out into the living room. He found Billy lying splayed out on the couch, eyes closed and resting easily atop the cushions.

“Just make yourself at home, why don’t you,” Steve said dryly, to which Billy gave a noncommittal grunt. “Do you, uh, need a place to stay tonight?” he asked awkwardly when he understood that Billy wasn’t going to move from his position.

Opening his eyes, Billy stared straight up at the ceiling with a stern look on his face.

“I can stay with Tommy H. if it’s a problem,” he said after a minute.

“I don’t really care what you do,” Steve replied, placing a hand on his hip. “But he’d ask questions, you know. You don’t really… look like how you should.” Billy heaved out a long and depressive sigh, shutting his eyes again. “It’s fine, though- you can stay in the spare bedroom upstairs,” Steve offered.

“Couch is fine,” Billy mumbled.

“You’d be missing out, it’s got a Queen-size mattress up there.”

“Couch is fine,” Billy repeated tiredly.

Steve shrugged. “Suit yourself, I guess.” He studied Billy laid out flat across the couch and felt that familiar need to show him pity. He couldn’t help but wonder what Max’s warning applied to; wondered if Billy would tell him about it if he asked.

“You were right about what you said before.” Billy’s voice was soft with exhaustion, but even so, it managed to break into his thoughts. Steve gave him a look of incomprehension. “About my hair, you were right; it’s coming back.”

“Oh,” Steve said, refraining from tapping into his inherent desire to chirp ‘I told you so’ back at him. “That’s great, man. I knew it would.”

“Still paler than the underside of a witch’s tit though,” Billy muttered, holding up a hand to examine his new complexion morosely.

And, yeah, he was right: even though it seemed his hair was going to be restored to its former glory (given enough time), it didn’t look like the same could be said for his skin. He was still woefully pale, looking less like the golden god he’d been before and more like, as Billy had said, the pale underside of a witch’s tit. Steve eyed him contemplatively, trying to come up with a solution that didn’t involve him laying naked out in the snow to try and catch some sun.

“Do you remember Tammy Thomspon?” Steve asked eventually, to which Billy had to pause in order to connect the name with the person being referenced. Once he’d nodded, Steve continued. “She always had a tan year round; used to talk about how she’d go to like, tanning beds and stuff.”

“I am not going to a tanning salon, if that’s what you’re suggesting here Harrington,” Billy said decisively.

“No no! She used to do tanning beds, but then she kept talking about how they were unhealthy and caused skin cancer and blah blah blah. Before the semester ended though, she said she started using some new thing; she was telling me about it in History before the final,” Steve elaborated, stepping further into the room to take a seat on the armrest of the couch. He snapped his fingers as he tried to remember what it was. “It was like, some spray on stuff? A spray-on tan, I think. You could try that? Wouldn't even have to go anywhere to get it done, I think it’s sold retail.”

Billy appeared lost in thought as he contemplated the option. He flexed his pale fingers and heaved another heavy sigh. “Anything would probably be better than this.”

‘You don’t- I mean, it’s not… you don’t look that bad,” Steve lied. Billy put his hand down and glared at him from the far end of the sofa. “Alright alright, so you look like the white end of a fingernail. We get some spray tan, rinse you in it, and presto, you’re back to being average, dark and handsome. I mean, if Tammy Thompson can do it, it shouldn’t be that hard, right?”

Billy snorted. “Handsome, huh? Probably not; she was as dumb as the rest of the cows here.”

“She wasn’t the brightest light in the shed,” Steve agreed, feeling the slightest bit embarrassed at having called Billy handsome. “But, cool; glad we got something sorted out today.

“I’ll be in my room if you need me for anything, and I know you already know where that is,” he said as he came to a rise, casting a snide look at Billy before heading back towards the staircase.

Predictably, Billy clicked his tongue in annoyance. “You realize you only gave me a towel earlier, right? I wasn’t about to put that thing on again. I wasn’t snooping; just trying to find a fucking change of clothes when I heard Maxine yelling for you on your shitty bedside table radio,” he said in that easy, drawling nature of his. “What was I supposed to think?”

“Why don’t you try thinking a little less and just ask instead of jumping to conclusions?” Steve huffed. He hadn’t wanted this to turn into another argument, but it seemed as though the conversation was quickly heading that way. “Look, I don’t- I’m too tired to argue with you. I’m gonna catch a nap and then we can like… I don’t know. Get some bottles of spray tan and hose you down in the backyard or something.”

Billy grunted in affirmation, and Steve was content to leave it at that. He shot Billy one last look before he stepped out of the living room, and, leaving the food out on the table where he’d left it, went straight up to his room. Like the condition he’d left Dustin’s cellar in, he’d clean up the dining room later.

As he entered his room, Steve was afraid, for a moment, that he’d find evidence of Billy having gone snooping through all of his belongings. It would’ve been just like him to try and find something else he could use to hold against him while Steve was unaware, but as he looked around the area carefully, it seemed as though his room appeared untouched. His closet was left open from where Billy had gone in to take the clothes he was currently wearing, but, true to his word, it didn’t look like he’d rifled any deeper into it then he’d needed to.

Relieved, Steve stepped forward until he was toe-to-hem with his bed and let himself fall face forward directly onto the mattress, exhaling a deep sigh once he collided with it. He laid there unmoving, breathing in the hot, trapped air between his face and his comforter before he rolled over and laid himself out spread-eagle to look up at the ceiling.

“Why does this have to be so much harder than it is?” he groaned, cupping his hands together to cover his face. The familiar question he’d wrestled with of ‘why me?’ that he’d been struggling to answer since any of this started began cycling through his mind. Of course, now that he had time to rest, his brain wouldn’t let him.

He just wanted to help, and already he’d almost lost the trust of the only two people he could rely on. Neither of them seemed to understand that it was too great a burden for one person to have to shoulder alone. It needed to be a team effort, but no one seemed willing to branch out and make it one. Once again, it was left to him to take the initiative.

“Why is it so hard for me to help anyone in this damn town?” he moaned.

#harringrove #harringrove fic #billy hargrove/steve harrington #billy x steve #billyxsteve #billy/steve #steve harrington #billy hargrove #werewolf!billy #slow burn #long fic #canon compliant au #stranger things #stranger things fic

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alicezan-ncgred · 5 years

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Bleeding Red

Preface: I’ve been bitching around the bush of this long enough. So, I’ve been really silent on a bunch of stuff that’s been eating me alive which has made me both inactive and unproductive. I’m going to get straight to the point, starting off with the TL:DR from my post on my main blog. Context: An anon asked me if I was alright because I hadn’t updated in a while.

TL:DR You probably didn’t ask this to hear about all the bad shit of my life so here’s the short of it. No, I’m not doing fine. I will try get next weeks post out on time and I’ll work on making up on the lost posts. Updates will return regularly, ‘ite.

Time for the thick and thin of it.

Insecurity and being shafted: I’m stoic, even at my worst I won’t say anything. I’ll push through regardless of my current condition and since I’ve gone years like this, it’s not hard for me to do. In my real life situation, I’m currently in a place of social isolation. This has lead to a somewhat near reliance on Tumblr to be my social outlet. This present many issues.

The main one is that I’m quite the isolationist. This has only been reinforced by many interactions throughout the entirely of my life. Because of this, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything really more than two friends at a time. While in a way this has helped me express myself so well through writing, it’s come at the cost of social skill. I don’t talk to anyone.

With this kind of issue you could easily imagine that the THREE PEOPLE (four now, but very limited) to ever directly talk ended up in a way shafting me. The first blocked and disconnected with me without warning or reason. At this point we’ve been talking to each for about a month and we hit it off very well and then one day, silence. Never heard from them again. That fucked me up hard when I finally realized what happened.

The second person left during the Tumblr P**n Purge. We were talking about how to contact each other on other platforms and then they stopped responding. I had already given contact to other platforms of which they pinged me in any way. Another person that I trusted massively on here just abandoned me and I’m still hurting from that. Wasn’t fair at all.

Then the third person was someone that I been following for a while. This person is actually the reason that I’ve been putting this off for so long. I don’t want them to see this post but they will. I got an ask from them that ultimately turned out to be misinformation. I said I wasn’t mad but I was. I was so fucking angry about it and I’m still kinda mad, but I didn’t want problems. I still don’t. I just didn’t want them to worry about it. This will come back later.

I try my best to be as inoffensive as possible. The problem with that is that much of the things I believe or enjoy are highly divisive. Hell, even my own identity can be seen as offence. I’m bisexual, non-binary (I’m currently still questioning this. I might actually be gender fluid but in the overall scheme, that’s worse than being non-binary), and nonreligious. I’m in a very religious area so you I’m still “in the closet” about much of this IRL. I though it would better online but with how much people are saying bisexuality doesn’t exist, or that non-binary isn’t a valid gender (or that being gender fluid make you insane and you should be locked up) and all the hate people who say they are this are getting, the very community that’s supposed to accept me, HATES me. I had a bi pride flag icon last year during Pride Month. I never doing that ever again. It was terrible.

I’m trying my best to come out of my shell like I said I would when I made this blog but it seems I’m just crawling further into it. People I think I can trust keep setting me up to fall, people I know in real life won’t ever accept my existence if they knew who I really was, and my own mental health problem and self loathing are eating me alive. But that isn’t the total of it.

Crumbling Pillar: I’ve always ended up in the position where things were thrown onto me. In which no one wanted to do, I was stuck with. Because of this not only do I have a severe distaste being around my family (beyond everything mentioned before hand) but I grew to have a negative out look on everything. This effect is still quite obvious in my writings, especially my poems. Out of the 14 poems on my poem blog @washed-soul, only one has a happy meaning.

The one happy poem was called dreams. Under a metaphor it talks about how a demon kept me trapped in a dark space. I start to get better and nearly break free before I have a negative relapse back to my old ways. The poems ends with the demon putting a end to itself leaving the nightmare in which it was keeping me in to slowly fade away, letting one crack of light peeking through to become a window to a door until one day I walk free. When writing this poem, I never thought I would find myself rebuilding the nightmare but that’s where I am.

I’m done with holding things together that other people have placed onto me. Because of this, issues have began showing in my private life. Issues that should’ve been solved decades ago are only now being addressed. This change in the status quo of my life has caused many issues in my productive and mood. Between everything else I’m too tired to do anything.

Is that a reason, is that an excuse. No it isn’t but it’s the best thing I got as a reason. I’m doing my damnedest to do the best I can but of course, when it comes to the thing that matter I just fall short. Big fucking whopha my intelligence and capability does me if I can’t use it for anything that means a damn.

Meaningless Triviality: I’m a very emotional person. I’m very strongly bound to my emotions and if everything above hasn’t given it away, my emotions are very negative prone. But it just doesn’t stop there, it goes back into my memories. I can only honestly place 3 happy memories for certain that aren’t either A) a dream or B) me escaping reality through my mind. Besides that, almost all my memories are negative.

People like to throw around the word Nihilist to describe themselves because today's culture is very, god while I hate to use this word, edgy. For those who don’t know a Nihilist is someone who views the world as being completely meaningless and reject all religious and moral principles. I very truly struggle with this outlook of life. It’s a daily for me to berate myself saying “just kill yourself” or “I want to die” or just shutting down and crumpling up while say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Hell, I did that while writing this.

I take things very hard, even the slightest transgression. I’m so used to trying to make things perfect and because people have the image that I’m the smart one, the mature one, the capable one, I’m left with the over hanging expectation of excellence. Almost no room for margin of error or being human. Since I’m the silent type, I put up no challenge and work to meet it. Only time I get any praise for anything too.

I guess as a little self promotion to my main blog, for those that have read the very first few updates of my main blog @the-truth-behind-redacted, or read Defiance’s character sheet, while The Machine and Defiance are separate character, they both share the name Machine. That in part is a reflect of said above expectation. How ravenous and inhuman it can be all under the guise of something human. Those characters are the two sides to the same coin.

Remember how I said I try to be un-problematical and how I try to avoid any potential conflict. In the first segment I told on how I lied about my feelings just so another person didn’t have to worry over something that honestly, in hindsight, wasn’t even really a big deal. But I also said how it consumed me in anger. I just don’t want to bother anyone over anything. It’s part of the reason why I am writing this post, as some way of a self enforced rehab program to get better.

This absolute consumption of negative emotion has pushed me into a non human state before. I hit a point of absolute mental exhaustion and in such a self enforced bubble of actual hatred I became completely apathetic. I felt numb to everything. I watched and heard of terrible things happening to people, and felt nothing. I watched people lives crumble before them leaving them nowhere to go and LAUGHED. “Just another worthless pathetic worm on this rotting carcass of a planet being hit with the hard reality that life doesn’t care for them. What whimsical pathetic bullshit they deluded themselves with to think otherwise.” This isn’t an exaggeration on how I thought, this is what I actually thought. Which brings me too.

The Mandatory Sob Story: Roll your eyes everyone and get the tiny violin. I guess in order for everyone to exactly understand the place I’m coming from when it comes to mental health I’ll have to detail my experiences. I have a long standing history with mental illness. I have professionally diagnosed OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and visual and auditory hallucinations. I take 600 mg of Seroquel a day as well as Amitriptyline when needed. I’m also still currently in therapy to deal with said OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, the visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as Suicidal thoughts, and my Nihilism. There’s a reason to why I’m so god damn familiar with mental illness and treatment plans.

OCD and Bipolarism run in my family on my fathers side. My Father’s Father had them, my Sister has them, my brother most likely has them (however he refuses to see a doctor because he uses said possible mental illnesses as a get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to be treated and he has FUCKING ADMITTED IT), my father has them, and I have them. I, however, have the misfortune of having it real bad. I said yes to well over half of all the total symptoms when I was being tested (I don’t remember exact numbers but I remember there being three pages worth of common symptoms) which was very worrying to the doctor. I was currently in an inpatient hospitalization program at the time for both suicidal thoughts and actions, and severe depression.

On that, my graze in with suicide. Before I went into my first inpatient program I was contemplating suicide. I was sat in front of a mirror with a bottle of over the counter medication. It was an unopened bottle of ibuprofen, 1000 200mg tables. What I planed to do was down the whole bottle with benadryl and die in my sleep. I had the small box of benadryl got from the Kroger pharmacy and a hand full of ibuprofen poured out looking directly into the mirror. My suicide note was sitting on the desk on my room with an online copy on my laptop open.

I sat there for an hour in the dead of midnight complicating my life. I had lost all hope in the world, filled with hatred, anger, pain, and despair. I had no god or after life to look forward too, part way hoping that a Hell existed for me to burn in. I hated myself that much. I was close to taking the first handful before before I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror. In what was in a weird sudden epiphany I realized that I truly did become what I hated but not for any reason I told myself. I became the very bastion of negativity I sought to fight and rid of in what little friends I did have. That was what set off my path to recovery in spite of the medical system. I guess if people care I’ll make a separate post on that.

Before I move on, I feel I should explain my history with the visual and auditory hallucinations. It should be no surprise that with everything else above, I also had extreme paranoia that led to me having very bad insomnia. Insomnia is, just like most other medical disorders like Depression, Self-harm, Anxiety, OCD, Bipolarism, is romanticized to hell. Insomnia isn’t having one nights bad sleep where you got 5 hours of sleep instead of 8.

You know what Insomnia is? insomnia is being physical incapable of sleeping despite not sleeping in 2 to 3 day while your body suffers massive agony brought on by this. Muscle spasms and seizing, difficulty breathing, your eyes feeling like fire ants are eating them, and of course visual and auditory hallucinations. Now I already had issues with visual and auditory hallucinations even when I could get sleep regularly but the combined effects of my OCD and Bipolarism made this perfect condition of Insomnia, Anxiety, Paranoia, with the already added in disposition to hallucinations and I felt like I was actually losing my mind.

My hallucinations presented themselves in three forms. Disassociation of reality, night terrors, or alterations of reality. Disassociation of reality often were complete black out moments. I would lose any perceived connect to reality and enter an episode of my mind. I can’t remember what they actually were but I do remember what it felt like. Cold sweats, anxiety to point where if I didn’t lock up I would vomit, actual physical pain, mind numbing fear, and intense fatigue.

The second were night terrors often in the form of horrific “things.” I do remember these and most of them were as best as I could describe, forms of things that were vaguely human and formations of industrial machinery. The most vivid one I remember was of a long lengthy apparition that was for the most part human but many locations of it’s impossible physiology were rebar beams and mechanical sockets. It began when I was about to fall asleep and it was next to my window. The thing was making week groaning and gasping sounds before it violently slammed against my window breaking it then letting out a horrific howl that I can’t describe as it tossed itself out followed shorty after with the sound of bones breaking against the dirt.

Now that might not seem so bad, exspecally with everything that is in horror movies or games now, but keep in mind that was fucking real to me. It was as real as the clicking of the keys of my keyboard as I’m writing this. As real as the chair I’m sitting in and as real as the wall in front of me. As far as my mind was concerned that thing, what ever it was, actually existed. It took me physical touching my window to make sure it wasn’t actually broken and checking outside to see if there wasn’t a body there. This isn’t the type of thing I talk about lightly.

Finally there is the alteration of reality. This is very simply but it’s something that fucked with me hard. For very little meaning or warning, I would have trouble interpreting the world around me. My hearing and sight would be warped and there wasn’t any real way to tell what I was hearing or seeing was real or not until the episode was over. The way I got through these was the ultimate fake it till you make it. Obviously, very often I failed and this created issue in my schooling.

Ending Message: I’ve been in a very bad state for a while now and as it is now, no signs of getting better. I also strongly believe my medications are being to fail me which I’ve been telling my doctor and therapist for over a year now but nothing’s been done. Mainly it’s my Depression but insomnia episodes are beginning and my own paranoia been on the rise. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a creepy image or thumbnail without having a very bad episode.

I’ve managed to eat something today which was nice but my body is cramping hard. And to possible stave of a possible comment, I’m biologically male. Like I said I’m not in the best head space, or living for that matter. If this gets better, only time will tell.

#Long post #tw: suicide #TW: Depression #Trigger Warning #TW #OCD #Anxiety #Chronic Depression #Bipolar Disorder #Bipolar #Mental Health #My mental health

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horansqueen · 4 years

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AM Conversations : chapter 45

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k // 4.4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- note for this chapter: just extra super fluff for this chapter. soo enjoy? i hope you like it haha! also, i know the song she sings comes out a year later buuuut yea, whatever lol! a few more cute fluff chapters before drama happens sooo yea. i hope you guys like it. i know not many ppl read this anymore and its okay. just know i love you guys for being loyal and reading this story after 45 chapters. your comments and reblogs and likes and asks make me so so so happy i cant explain! keep sending ideas youd like to read too :)

only one request for this chapter but its fluff so :P

Chapter 45 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I felt myself waking up slowly but kept my eyes closed. My lips curled slightly when I heard my boyfriend’s voice from the shower and I forced myself to open my eyes. I sat up in bed and stretched but when I pushed the covers off of me, I felt a shiver run up my spine despite the fact that it was the end of june and that it was most likely very warm outside. I put my feet off the bed and moved my toes on the carpet before breathing in and getting up. The door was ajar and the closer I got, the better I could hear Niall sing. I pushed on the door slightly and leaned against the door frame, listening to his voice as the steam hit my skin and warmed me.

I had never felt so happy in my entire life with someone and even after all these months, I could barely believe we were dating. I crossed my arms on my chest and leaned my head on the frame too, staring at my boyfriend singing and dancing in the shower. After a while he turned to me and saw me staring at him. He smiled back and made a quick head movement but I shook my head slightly. He rolled his eyes with a smile and opened the glass door. His hair was full of foam and he looked cuter than ever, making me nibble on my bottom lip despite myself.

“Please?” he asked, raising his eyebrows and making me roll my eyes.

I took a few steps closer, letting my arms fall on each side of my body, and his lips curled more at my sight. When he was finally able to reach me, he grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me his way, making me chuckle.

“No no, I took a shower last night remember?”

He smirked and raised his eyebrows at me, not letting go. “And then I fucked your brains out, remember?” he replied in a smartass tone. “Come on, you smell like good sex and sweat.”

I laughed at his words and let him pull me with him. He closed the door behind me and I held my breath as the warm water fell on me and soaked my shirt and panties. Niall smiled more and quickly moved his head back right under the stream to rinse his hair. I stared at his naked body as he closed his eyes, running his hand through his hair to make sure all the soap was gone.

Without thinking, I ran my hands on his wet chest and quickly, he moved his head up again and opened his eyes, bending down to reach my smile with his. The kiss was gentle and soft and I felt water drops fall from his hair to my cheek. A wave of well-being washed over me and I pressed my hands more on his chest.

“What were you singing?” I asked, tilting my chin up.

“Something I wrote. I’ll sing it to you when it’s done.”

I smiled and licked my lips, staring at him some more. I felt like Niall hadn’t written anything in months and I knew he was missing it. I loved watching and listening to him when he was playing guitar, or when he was sitting in front of the piano, but it hadn’t happened much until very recently. He was not the type to share and I respected that, but I was curious and interested in everything that made him happy.

“Happy Birthday petal.” he whispered against my mouth. “How does it feel to date a younger man like me?”

I laughed against his mouth and felt his lips curl against mine.

“Feels amazing.” I admitted, still amused. “Better than yesterday, for sure.”

“But not as good as tomorrow, yea, I know.”

I laughed more and felt his hands slip under my drenched shirt, reaching under my breasts slowly. I bit my bottom lip as he stared at me before kissing me again but deeper this time. I could feel my whole body throb until his thumbs brushed under my breasts. I quickly held my breath again, my heartbeats accelerating, but he just slid his hands back down to my waist.

“Mm, come on darling, take a shower, i’ll go prepare something while you do.”

“Nooo!” I complained when he took a step back. “You can’t turn me on and then leave me here alone.”

He laughed and shook his head, pushing the glass door of the shower again and getting out.

“Such a horny girl.” he just let out, clearly amused by my behavior.

I sent him puppy eyes but he just shook his head and closed the door, trapping me in the shower before blowing me a kiss and leaving.

I grimaced but decided to wash my hair and body quickly after getting undressed and when I finally got out of the shower, I grabbed a fluffy towel only to realize it was warm and I quickly wrapped it around me.

“Thanks for putting it in the dryer.” I let out with a smile when I walked back into our bedroom. “You’re perfect.”

He had put sweatpants and a t-shirt back on and I stared at his back as I tried to find a similar outfit in one of his drawers. With a sigh, I took my towel off and dressed up before rubbing the towel in my hair to dry it more. After a few minutes, he turned around and sent me a fond smile and I smiled back until he handed me something.

“This is one of your gifts.” He explained, holding out a box about as large as a book, wrapped in silver and pink paper. “The personal one.”

I felt my heart skip a few beats inside my chest and smiled as big as possible, pressing my lips together. These were the gifts coming from Niall that I preferred. Of course, I enjoyed the trips, the spa days, the jewels and the activities he gave but the gifts with a meaning meant a million times more and Niall always knew exactly what would make me happy. He gave me things I didn’t even know I needed before.

I licked my lips and grabbed it, unwrapping it very slowly as he stared at my fingers. I let the paper fall on the floor when I noticed an old picture of us in a frame. It was the one I told him to bring on his trip and my lips curled more but i noticed something at the bottom and frowned, moving the frame up to have a better look. My lips parted when I noticed what it was and I looked up in his eyes. It was a card that was part of a game Lottie had brought at the lodge. I remembered picking up that card from the “Kiss & Tell” game before rushing to the bathroom and locking myself in it. I hadn’t told anyone what was on the card except Niall. We had been laying in the dark and I had showing him right before telling him it was him I wanted to kiss, but I didn’t have the guts to. I looked down again at the card and read the words. “Kiss the person you love the most in the room.”

“I kept it and I didn’t know why. It was in my wallet all this time. I remember wondering how I would have felt if you had kissed me instead of Harry after picking up that card, you know?” he shrugged and looked down at it. “That night you said you loved me more than anyone else in the world and I said I did too. I didn’t understand back then why it was so important for me but now I do.”

He took a step closer and brought his hands to my waist, waiting until I looked up in his eyes again.

“When we fought a few months ago after my trip, I left you here to get drunk. We both went to bed mad, or at least not on good terms, and I realized how wrong it was. I want to keep this frame in our room, right next to the bed, so every time we fight or argue, we always work things out here before falling asleep. I will always kiss the person I love the most right before I fall asleep. Every single night. I promise.”

I felt myself tear up and swallowed the lump in my throat. I couldn’t talk, I knew that my voice would crack, and without thinking, I crushed my mouth against his, It hurt slightly but he didn’t say anything. He just pulled me closer and deepened the kiss. He tasted so fucking good and I felt tears fall down my face as we kept on kissing for I don’t know how long. When he pulled away, I kept my eyes closed and brushed my lips against his.

“When you said you were romantic I thought you were the type, you know, to give flowers and stuff.”

He laughed and moved his upper body back to look in my eyes.

“There’s a bouquet waiting for you int he kitchen.”

This time, i’m the one who laughed. I turned around and put the frame next to the bed on the small table and sighed as I looked at our younger faces on the picture. I wanted this house to be full of pictures of us, whether they were recent or old.

“Come, let’s go bake that cake of yours.”

I turned back to him with a frown and tilted my head.

“I gotta bake my own birthday cake?”

He laughed and grabbed my hand, pulling me with him until the kitchen and I noticed all the ingredients already out along with a big bouquets of white and purple lilacs placed in the middle of the table.

“The florist said it looked ridiculous and tried to convince me to add other flowers but I knew that’s what you wanted.” he pointed out. “Just in case though, there’s also a bouquet of roses in the living room.”

I smiled more and chuckled, loving the fact that he knew me so well, and took a step closer to him to kiss his lips.

“Aaaand maybe a few tulips next to the piano.” he grimaced before I brushed my lips on his jaw.

“How are you so perfect?”

He searched for my mouth with his and kissed me deeply again. I was not even surprised that his kisses still made butterflies hit the inside of my stomach, even after so many months. I knew it would always be like that.

“Okay, come on now, let’s bake that cake yea?” he said a little louder, getting out of my embrace and turning around to go grab the flour. “We got up late and we have a busy evening and an even busier night!”

“Niall, I said I didn’t want anything big.” I complained with a grimace, letting my head fall back on my shoulders.

“I promise on my life you’re gonna have fun! It’s just a few hours with our friends, and then i’m bringing you somewhere else just the two of us.”

I wanted to be annoyed but the truth was, I was touched and very very curious. I walked up to him as he was cracking an egg, letting it fall in a bowl and I sighed low of happiness.

“Thank you, Niall.”

He turned his head quickly to peck my lips with a light sound and I chuckled.

“Come on, read the recipe out loud will you?”

Quickly, we made the cake mix and ended up having a bit more difficulty working on the icing. I ended up a bit annoyed and searched through his fridge, taking the cream cheese out and putting it on the counter.

“We’ll just prepare the easiest icing ever and pretend we’re amazing bakers, how’s that?”

He laughed and we started working on it in silence right after putting the mix in the oven.

“Just a bit of milk.” I specified. “Do you have vanilla?”

I watched him combine everything in a bowl as I nibbled my bottom lip and added icing sugar slowly to the mix.

“You know, we’re actually a good team.” I pointed out.

I watched him dip his finger in the icing and sticking his tongue out to get a taste.

“Heyy, what about me?” I frowned jokingly before he dipped an other finger in it and wiped the icing on my cheek, making me groan.

“Come here.”

He pulled me closer and licked my cheek, making a shiver run up my spine at the contact of his tongue with my skin.

“You’re right, it tastes amazing, we’re a good team.” he admitted low. “Not just for baking.”

He took the icing again, taking more of it with his finger and putting it on my neck. I held my breath as his tongue ran on my skin and quivered again in his arms.

“I just took a shower, remember?”

“Oh shut up.” he let out, making me laugh, as he grabbed my waist and pulled me closer.

“Can I get a taste, too?”

Without answering, he brought his lips against mine and kissed me deeply but very slowly. I closed my eyes, running my hand in his hair and letting a moan escape my lips. He swallowed it and I felt his fingers slip slightly under my shirt, on the skin of my back. I laughed against his mouth when he broke the kiss and shook my head.

“I meant you know, really taste.”

“Mmhm.” he shrugged, pulling away and taking the icing bowl. “I know that’s what you meant, but you can’t taste your cake before tonight.”

“But-”

“Don’t argue!” he cut me with a smirk. “Go in the living room, i’ll join you, okay?”

I groaned and let my feet rub on the wood floor in an annoying noise as a sign of protestation. It’s only when I reached the living room that my lips curled back again. There was a literal fort made with blankets and cushions and I let out a chuckle of amazement.

“Niall?” I asked loud enough for him to hear.

“Sit down! I’m coming!”

I chuckled and got on my knees, pushing the blanket that acted as a door only to sit on the tiny mattress. I couldn’t believe he had taken the time to make a fort in his own living room and I started wondering how long it took him to plan that. He had placed his tablet on the side and when he joined me, I frowned slightly.

“Why did you bring this?” I asked, pointing it right before a smile reappeared on my face.

He handed me a bowl of ice cream and I started jumping slightly on my ass while still sitting.

“Don’t move too much, it’s not that solid.” he laughed a bit. “I thought we could watch a movie together?”

I sent him a fond smile and tilted my head again before nodding very slowly.

“Great! So I bought your favorite ice cream but added candies, chocolate syrup and caramel, the way you like it.”

“Thank you, Nee.” I let out as he sat in front of me. I moved my upper body closer to kiss him. “Thank you so fucking much.” I kissed him again. “Thank you.” Again. “Thank you.” And again.

“You also get to pick the movie.” he let out with a smile, kissing me back. “We’ll watch anything you want. It’s your day.”

I sat back and looked at him with a smirk, raising my eyebrows as his face changed.

“Now you’re scaring me.” he admitted as I laughed, grabbing his tablet. “Wait what are you doing? Isn’t the movie you want to watch on netflix?”

I held his tablet against me and raised my eyebrows at him again.

“Do you promise we’ll watch whatever I want?”

It took him a few seconds but he finally nodded.

“I promise.”

—

The bar was loud and crowed but we quickly found our friends waiting for us, sitting a bit further with beer and sangria pitchers. I smiled more, a bit excited, and everyone greeted us, telling me ‘happy birthday’ for the first time in person on that day. Louis was the last one and he got up to wrap his arms around me before I hugged him back.

“Happy birthday princess.” he whispered after kissing one of my cheeks and pulling me closer. “I hope your day is perfect, that’s what you deserve.”

I laughed when we pulled away and bit on my bottom lip.

“It is, I have the perfect boyfriend and he made this day perfect.”

We sat down and I felt Niall’s hand slide on my thigh. I quickly put my hand over his and intertwined our fingers, squeezing them hard.

“What did she make you watch?” Louis asked with a smirk. “Back To The Future again?”

Niall’s smile fell and he rolled his eyes, making Louis laugh.

“Which one?”

“Louis, don’t even ask.” Niall argued, shaking his head and making me smile more.

“We didn’t watch Back To The Future.” I pointed out, leaning on the table to get closer to Louis. “I made him watch This Is Us.”

Louis’ eyes moved from me to Niall then back at me and finally on Niall before he burst into laughter, making Niall growl next to me. I squeezed his fingers tighter but I couldn’t help the smile that spread on my face.

“How was it, Neil? To watch a movie with you in it with your girlfriend by your side?” Louis teased.

Niall raised his eyebrows and nose up as he leaned one of his elbow on the table, staring in his friend’s eyes.

“The worst was actually looking at you for an hour and a half, Tommo.”

Louis laughed again and shrugged.

“Guess you’re cursed, mate, because here I am again!”

I laughed and rolled my eyes at their banter until Louis grabbed a glass and poured me sangria. Niall did the same for himself with beer and he finally sighed, the left corner of his lips raising up.

“You know, I can’t really blame her though.” Niall joked. “The girl enjoys looking at me, I just give her what she needs.”

“Oh shut up.” I let out, making him laugh more. “Now what’s so special about tonight? Why are we here anyway?”

I glanced around before meeting Louis’ eyes and he smirked, raising his eyebrows. I didn’t like it and frowned, suddenly a bit scared of what was to come. Julie chuckled and it caught my attention, making me look at her.

“It’s karaoke night.” she explained with a sigh but also a smile on her lips. “And apparently, we’re all going to sing.”

I felt suddenly extremely nervous and without realizing it, I squeezed my boyfriend’s fingers hard between mine.

“Ouch, darling, watch the fingers, they’re important.” he chuckled. “For music and for… you know.. pleasure.”

“Niall.” I whispered, looking down at our hands together. “You know I hate being on a scene. I don’t like attention.”

“You did it a few years ago and you had fun.”

I sent him an annoyed look and sighed, raising my nose up in a grimace. He was right, I had sang a song a while ago at a karaoke night and we always had a lot of fun doing those in someone’s living room, but in public it was a bit different. I was already a bit shy around my friends, so to think i would do it in front of a bunch of strangers made it even worse.

“Here.” Louis let out, pushing the sangria pitcher closer. “Drink up. I’ll go first.”

I swallowed the whole glass in front of me and filled it out again as I watched Louis get on stage and grab a microphone.

“Here’s one of the best written songs in the whole world.” he only explained as the music started.

I held my breath and smiled when I recognized the oasis song and mouthed it with him.

“So Sally can wait, she knows it’s too late as she’s walking on by My soul slides away, but don’t look back in anger I heard you say.”

When he was done and the music stopped, we all got up and started clapping. Liam even whistled loud and I let out a ‘woohoo!“ when he got off stage. He hugged me and bent down to whisper in my ear.

“Do it now, it’s worth it.”

I quickly nodded and he moved away. He extended his hand and I slapped in it before bumping my fist against his.

“Come on, you can do it.” he added as I sent him a smile.

I turned to Niall and I smiled without thinking. I watched him push his glasses on his nose and a bunch of memories of us came back to my mind. I felt so lucky to have him in my life and I chuckled.

“Just for you.”

I didn’t wait for his answer and ran up the stairs as a guy walked up to me to ask me which song I wanted to sing. I told him and he chuckled before nodding and finally left after handing me the microphone.

“I dedicate this to my best friend in the whole wide world.”

The first notes started and I kept my gaze on Niall and when I started singing, I saw him start laughing hard, his mouth wide open. He let his head fall back and clapped in his hands a few times to encourage me.

“Right from the start, couldn’t pull us apart, it just works Nobody else ever gets me as well on this earth Like rock and roll, Marshall’s and telly’s Mac and cheese, PB’s and jellies Some things are better together, and that’s you and me-e

Dude, I love you, bro, I love you Man, I love you You’re my brother from another, 'nother mother You are my favorite, I’m not ashamed to admit Cause I do, dude, I do Dude, I love you, bro, I love you Man, I love you You’re my homie, no one knows me like you know me Like the sun and the moon, all the best things comes in two What would I do without a friend like you?

W-w-w-w-what would I do? Without a friend like you W-w-w-w-what would I do? Without a friend like you?”

I smiled as I sang when I noticed all my friends were standing up and dancing together and when the song stopped, I bowed down quickly and ran back to my friends without really giving them any attention. Niall bent down slightly, his arms open, and I ran to him.. He picked me up for a few seconds and put me back down before kissing me hard, laughing against my lips.

“Good song. Thank you.” he whispered, pulling away. “Now listen to mine, yea?”

I nodded and he grabbed my hand before walking to the stage. When he was far enough, my hand slipped out of his and I just stared at him as he grabbed the microphone. He cleared his throat and licked his lips, making my heart melt in my chest. I sat down but remained on the edge of my chair as he talked.

“For the love of my life.”

It took me literally one note to recognize the song and I held my breath as I felt myself tense. I tried to remember all the words of the song and something twisted in my stomach.

“You’re a falling star, you’re the get away car You’re the line in the sand when I go too far You’re the swimming pool on an August day And you’re the perfect thing to see

And you play it coy, but it’s kinda cute Oh, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do Baby, don’t pretend that you don’t know it’s true 'Cause you can see it when I look at you

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It’s you, it’s you; you make me sing You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything”

I don’t know why but slowly, I got up and walked closer to the scene as we stared at each other. Was it possible for this love story to last forever? Could this love we felt for each other never fade away or die?

“You’re a carousel, you’re a wishing well And you light me up when you ring my bell You’re a mystery, you’re from outer space You’re my every minute of my everyday

And I can’t believe, uh, that I’m your man And I get to kiss you, baby, just because I can Whatever comes our way, oh, we’ll see it through And you know that’s what our love can do

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It’s you, it’s you; you make me sing You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It’s you, it’s you; you make me sing You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything You’re every song, and I sing along Cause you’re my everything Yeah, yeah

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la So, la, la, la, la, la, la-la-la, la-la-la”

I didn’t scream when he was done but I heard all our friends do it. He jumped off the stage and cupped my face the way he had done it after playing the song he had written for me and when his wet lips met mine, my eyes fluttered close.

“It’s been six moths but I love you as much as I did back then, maybe even more.” he whispered, kissing me deeply again. “Definitely more.”

“Thank you, Niall.” I breathed out, swallowing hard as I felt myself tear up for the second time that day. “This day is perfect.”

“This day is not over.” he added, smiling more, the palms of his hands warming my already burning cheeks. “Happy birthday Olivia, I love you.”

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