#I just know it's gonna be the funniest shit ever

[blasphemecel]

Michael Kaiser, Alexis Ness — Dick Measuring

PAIRING: Michael Kaiser/Reader/Alexis Ness WORD COUNT: 0.8k TYPE: Humor, Drabble WARNING(S): This is literall y just one giant dick joke help NOTE: If you wanna see the rest of the horrible not-polycule series it's at the bottom of the masterlist

While scrolling through your phone at a ferocious speed with a manic grin, you turn to Ness and announce, “Look, over 500 thousand tweets mentioning my name. The viewers are all up on my cock now.”

He glances at you in disdain, which is hard to pull off with his cutesy face. Somehow he manages it though each time you two converse. In a judgemental tone, he asks, “Are you seriously name searching yourself?” Sure, he knows Kaiser does it too, but you’re not Kaiser so that shit doesn’t fly.

“Yeah. Check it out, someone made a compilation of me owning Kaiser. With filters.” You flash the screen at them both to show it off.

Kaiser spares it a dismissive glance, mind lost somewhere else.

“Give me that,” says Ness. Then he grabs the device out of your grasp and squints at the screen, memorizing the username.

“Don’t tell me you’ll mass report their account for that?”

“I won’t,” he lies, smiling at you before giving you back your phone as if he didn’t snatch it away in the first place.

“You’re doing full splits on it. Like, you could be, like, a gymnast.”

“W-Well, so what?! There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“So they’re all up on your cock huh?” Kaiser asks. The smug expression he’s making right now, you get the inkling he’s about to say something terrible. And he delivers as per your expectation: “I bet mine’s bigger.”

You raise a skeptical eyebrow at that, this judgmental expression on your face.

Ness nods, still seeming pleasant. “It probably is.”

“Bragging on another man’s dick size is crazy.”

“It’s not crazy! I’m speaking realistically.”

“Well,” says Kaiser, annoyed at having to wrestle with Ness for your attention all the time when Ness is supposed to be helping him score you, “there’s only one way to find out. We should both get naked and check.”

Your stare switches from unimpressed to blank. Vacant of any signs of life. Even Ness scrunches his eyebrows and appears slightly aghast at the suggestion, which is how you know it’s egregious for sure. Wow, this has to be his most desperate attempt at flirting to date. What’s making it worse is the fact that he’s not even reacting to your collective puzzlement with the whole thing.

Once you regain enough sense to respond, you say, “Thanks, but no thanks. You know I’m not interested in the small things in life, Kaiser.”

This also snaps Ness out of his trance as he is now offended, though he graciously spares you of any further embarrassing commentary, settling for glaring.

“Wanna compare just to make sure?”

Your lips quirk up. “Here’s my list of things I’ll never let near my nether regions: police officers, male photographers, multi level marketers, politicians, Michael Kaiser.”

“Aww, why? You’re no fun,” Kaiser coos at you mockingly.

“I bet you have the funniest penis ever.”

“No, he doesn’t!” Ness interjects while Kaiser merely tilts his head to the side, awaiting elaboration on this statement.

“Like you were probably uncircumcised when you were little and then you grew up and got a circumcision for aesthetic purposes or something else hilarious like that,” you say.

“What?” He crosses his arms and scoffs at the notion. “Ok now I’m convinced you’re just stupid. What a hauntingly dimwitted concept to come up with.” Then he smirks at you again, straightening his back and raising his eyebrows. “But, again, if you wanna make sure that there’s nothing wrong with it, the offer still stands.”

“Listen here. If you say anything along these lines to me ever again, something’s gonna happen.”

“Oh really?” Kaiser gets all up in your face. He remains amused. “And what’s going to happen?”

“I’ll send you to where Shinzo Abe is.”

He blinks at you for a second while Ness is mumbling incomprehensible threats in the background. Then he smiles at you before leaning back to a more socially appropriate distance. “Alright, I admit, I appreciate this one out of all your little retorts.”

“I think you love any words I waste on you. Attention whore. Anyway, I’ll go work out in one of the training rooms with the cameras for fanservice, so I’m leaving.” You pass by Kaiser and stop in front of Ness, puckering your lips in an exaggerated manner, blowing him a kiss. “Bye bye, Ness.”

He blushes and crosses his arms while pouting, pretending he totally didn’t enjoy that as you walk off. Kaiser gives him a scornful look.

Ness remembers the whole conversation which ensued. “I’m sure it’s big and nice,” he reassures rather clinically, the way one would share an interesting fact. It doesn't occur to him what an odd remark he’s making.

“Thanks. You always know the right things to say.” Kaiser pats Ness gently on the head like the dog slash servant he is, perhaps to encourage the behavior through positive reinforcement. He basks in the feeling, warm, and almost forgets about the context of this action. But because Ness can’t have anything good ever, after a while Kaiser adds, “I wish someone I was actually into would talk to me like you do too though.”

___

Yea I haven't slept in 5 days again how can yo utell

#michael kaiser x reader #alexis ness x reader #kaiser x reader #ness x reader #blue lock x reader #blue lock x you #I finished this yesterday or I guess at like past midnight but I was so fucking out of it didnt botehr uploading

[sorrinslays]

Gepard's role in the story

(crack theory territory)

So, I'm sure I'm not the only one that noticed, but Gepard is extremely underused in the story, which is such a shame?

Like, I counted the times we see him in the main story and it's disappointing. We (Astrall Express Crew) see him at the start after Sampo ditches us, where he takes us to Cocolia and all, then we see him again at the end of the story when he's trying to stop us because he believes we are trying to harm the Supreme guardian and he fights us and his Sister and that's it. We don't see him again.

Then, when Topaz comes to Jarillo VI he is there for two scenes again. One where he tries to stop Topaz and gets ambushed and one at the end where he stops a woman from getting crushed to death.

Even in 'his' (Serval's) companion quest, he takes the backseat. Sure, the story was about Serval and her getting over Cocolia and Gepard's role was him just trying to show Serval that she is still needed in Belobog, but honestly they could've done more with him.

I think people forget that he doesn't know the truth of what really happened to Cocolia? (as far as I'm aware at least). Can you imagine if he learned the truth? The mental breakdown that he'll experience?

This man has been serving her for the better part of a decade. He was spoon-fed propaganda like that Underworlders are 'wild' (an item description mentions that he had to fight 'wild Underworlders' I'm pretty sure) and blindly following the Supreme Guardian's orders for years. How is he supposed to react when he learns that those 'necessary sacrifices' of his fellow guards was just an excuse to get rid of more Belobogians for the 'dream' the Stellaron promised Cocolia.

Don't forget, he knew those people. They were friends, comrades, people he saw everyday. And all of them were dying on the daily and he was powerless to do anything.

And when he learns the truth, how is he gonna react to Bronya's decision to cover it up? Were the deaths of his friends in vain? Do their families not deserve to know the truth as to why their loved ones died? How much blood does the late Supreme Guardian have on her hands? How much of it has transferred to Bronya? How much blood does Gepard have on his hands because he never questioned his orders?

Point is, he is so important to Belobog, he's the Goddamn Captain of the only military service they have there, obviously he is needed! So why underuse him so much?

Well, this is where we move more into theory territory. I think it ties in with a future Belobog quest that Black Swan's companion quest hinted at (at the end during Sampo's and Sparkle's conversation).

Since Gepard has been on the backburner, we have yet to see Sampo and Gepard interacting and the fact Sampo still doesn't have a companion quest even though he is an important lore character I think all of that will happen in the future.

I think it would work best as a quest without the Astral Express Crew, like the new POV mechanic or the cut aways used in the Loufu for Dan Heng. We could play as Gepard or Sampo as they are forced to work together for whatever reason.

We could play as Gepard as something big happens in the restricted zone (AKA the catastrophe Sparkle teased Sampo about). Maybe he gets informed about it (maybe we get a new 4* character that's a guard that informs Gepard) and when he makes it there, Sampo is already here, as if expecting it.

Maybe Bronya calls Gepard to her office after an anonymous tip was sent to her warning the Silvermane Guards of a catastrophe coming to Belobog. Maybe he is tasked with finding who sent the note as well as prepering for said catastrophe, which is how he runs into Sampo, having the two working together.

Maybe we play as Sampo, leaving clues for the Silvermane guards until we reveal ourselves, getting that 5* version. Maybe we are the one pushing the puzzle pieces so they fit on their own or maybe all through the quest we keep cutting back to a game of chess between Aha and Sampo, showing the unpredictable nature of the catastrophe as it was orchestrated by Aha just for shits and giggles.

Either way, this works great as a pathway to seeing:

a) the dynamic between Sampo (arguably the most mysterious character to come from Belobog) and Gepard (resident bbg)

b) 5* Sampo

c) (and this is mostly me playing around with concepts) Gepard becoming an emanator, becoming the first on screen character to be turned into an emanator

d) a great end to Sampo's character arc by becoming a part of Belobog (maybe he even becomes part of the Silvermanes as a detective)

e) more Geppie screen time and exploration of his character

(a few extra ramblings from my demented as a treat)

I think it's criminal that Gepard doesn't have his own companion quest and he's practically shoved in his sister's, and considering that Sampo doesn't have his own......................

I think it would be fair to have these two in a companion quest of their own.

I'm thinking of a quest where Sampo becomes a Silvermane guard (a detective to be more precise) and Gepard learns the truth about Cocolia.

I can imagine that during some investigation that Gepard is having a hard time with due to the Underworlders not trusting the Silvermane guards, he is forced to seek Sampo's help. So through Natasha, he gets ahold of Sampo and the two work together where Gepard, through investing a shady group learns what actually happened to Cocolia as well as all the lies he's been getting spooned-fed for years.

One mental breakdown and emotional conversation between the two later, they catch the criminals and Gepard takes it upon himself to make Sampo part of the Silvermane guards because of how helpful he's actually been recently (main story + new quest with the catastrophe + the companion quest + helping the Underworld in general).

The companion quest ends with Sampo becoming a detective (Heizou from Genshin Impact style) where he wants to prevent crimes from happening before they even committed. His reason being 'criminal to detective is pretty stereotypical and Aha might blow up the planet' so he challenges himself to stop crime before it's committed to keep Aha entertained enough that they don't blow up the planet but uninterested enough that they don't actively observe.

I think it would be a great end to both character arcs.

Gepard gets more screentime and learns to question orders (it'd be nice to see his friendship with Bronya damaged, cause technically he is her uncle (Cocolia adopted Bronya while she was still in a relationship with Serval, making him an uncle)). Maybe he also reaches the conclusion of still being a Silvermane Guard for the sake of protecting the people but not actively following the Supreme Guardian because he lost faith in her.

Sampo gains a home and (gasp) love (platonic, romantic, doesn't matter). He'll feel like he belongs somewhere, a permanent home. Not matter if he leaves the planet for a day or a year, he'll still be welcome. His reputation improves and his skill is used for the betterment of Belobog. His mask is allowed to slip, even just a little.

#the last part is mostly ideas for my own fanfic #can you tell? #don't expect anything soon though #I'm still struggling with exams and other projects #plus one of the protagonists is Seele and I hate writing her #anyway Gepard and Sampo my bbgs #Gepard needs more screentime #although the post derailed quickly to Sampo #sampo my beloved #I want these two to interact so bad #I just know it's gonna be the funniest shit ever #Sampo would be the biggest menace ever #and Gepard would just suffer #Gepard would be this close to strangling Sampo #real talk tho #I think there's a conversation to be had between these two #like they are so different yet so similar? #at least in their goal of protecting Belobog #after all #Gepard protects Belobog because it's his home #and Sampo does the same because it makes him happy #they both find elation in preserving Belobog #just in different ways #some more questionable from others #sampo koski #gepard landau #sampo hsr #hsr gepard #character analysis #honkai star rail

[searidings]

Hey there! Just curious if you’ve stumbled upon any new fanfics that you are loving?

hell yeah babey!!!!

if music be the food of love, play on and also you'll always find your way back home by lovepotionnumber5

also checking for updates on i want something just like this by @jazzfordshire and a history of wine by @seabiscuits-us and the bicep obsessed tennis au by ms huge rack @hrwinter like im checking the morning paper

#ok so. lovepotionnumber5. let's talk about them #if they have a tumblr i dont know it but fuck i'd like to #so they wrote a free solo au that is cinematic as all fuck and flawlessly combines two of my nichest interests #and i think i recced it already but honestly people are SLEEPING on it it's so so good yet so under-kudosed #so i was feeling my feelings today and felt like a reread and then i thought hey. i wonder if theyve written anything else #had a little look. saw another fic #read 'mob boss/jazz singer au' and promptly devoured the fuck out of it and let me just say #i was HOWLING #the funniest fucking dialogue in the world #'it's gonna be may' if you know you know and boy howdy i KNOW #go and read it like. i cannot stress this enough. wip or no wip. go and read jt #if i could eat a fic i would swallow that one whole #the characterisation i swear to god #i want to kiss lovepotionnumberfive's lillian luthor on the mouth #also kara and lena but we already knew that #i am reccing the shit out of this author don't try and stop me #lovepotionnumber5 if you're out there i'd die for you if you ever need it. jsyk #hope you're having a great day #asks #anonymous #my ficrecs

[todayisafridaynight]

jo the second he finds out masato's a little zesty

#not rgg #but if we try it can be #things kiryu would say if rgg allowed slurs #gona start a collection i got that kiryu You're Transgender? pic an now this #snap chats #i just needed an excuse to talk about this episode because HELP ME i didnt think this would be a theme in my fishermen jdrama #quick aside but its related the end theme for this show has literally no right to be so good oh my god..... #i'm gonna start episode 7 of First Penguin tomorrow probably since im gonna hang with my bro the rest of the night #but this episode (ep 6) is giving me a stroke #so for context. or just a lil background. tsutsumi's character in this is an old fisherman named hiro #and he's the most wish-washy bastard i ever seen in my life sometimes i want to strangle him #it's really funny though because he'll be so aggressive towards one thing but then the next after a lil convincing he's just Yeah Ok #funniest shit. anyways. Context Time #like ten minutes before this scene in the same episode he finds out his son's gay #WHICH. HAD ME IN A CHOKEHOLD CAUSE I DIDNT THINK THAT WOULD BE A THING #but anyway As Expected he has a fit over it because My Son This Is A Fisher Village Everyone Gonna Bully Your Ass #but then he talks with the female lead Iwasaki My Queen for like. five minutes and is pretty much over it a day later #and THEN THIS happens Another day later and. im sorry it had me laughing i dont know why #LIKE AGAIN IT'S BECAUSE HE'S SO WISHY WASHY BUT ALSO HE JUST STRAIGHT SOCKS A GUY #cause mate was saying slurs and all. his anti-homophobia arc we love to see it dude said Im No Longer Homophobic #ok bye we have pink pineapple and i wanna eat the pink fruit

[whotfelsewantedtobelynnyx]

Katya, giggling: What did you say, Luz?

Luz: I said 'isn't this the music from FNAF?'

Hunter: Huh?

Luz: You know, Five Nights At Freddy's. The video game. Isn't this the music from that?

Katya: *wheeze*

Eda, patting a distraught Raine on the head: It's ok, sweetie.

Raine, with their head buried in their hands: WHERE DID WE GO WRONG, EDA?! WE FAILED OUR CHILDREN!

#katya toh #raine whispers #luz noceda #eda clawthorne #hunter noceda #raine: *distressed musician noises* #luz: F N A F ? ? ? #katya: who's it by luz??? #luz: micheal afton? #raine: *more distressed musician noises* #five nights at freddy's #TIL that the music from FNAF is a real song #and is in fact played seriously in orchestras #imma be honest i was luz in this post #poor raine #someone help them #they're just a violinist trying their best #eda just thinks this is the funniest shit ever #she knows perfectly well what Carmen is #she just isn't gonna say it #bonus: that one clip of avi roque asking 'what is five night at freddy's' #if you haven't seen it #why #toh #the owl house

[astonmartinii]

into the arms of another part two | max verstappen social media au

pairing: max verstappen x reader

part two to this !! part three

yourusername

liked by arthurleclerc, maxverstappen1 and 661,230 others

yourusername: winner winner chicken dinner !! congrats maxy i’m so proud of you always

view all comments

user1: i know charles’ head is hot right now

user2: i hope netflix are taking notes cause this tea is steaming hot

maxverstappen1: thank you baby, helps when i have the prettiest cheerleader in the world

yourusername: i am the sexiest sargent in all of the orange army

maxverstappen1: too right you are

user3: i miss when y/n was the head of the tifosi the red monochromatic fits ate so hard

user4: i need charles to pull his head out of his ass and apologise so we can reclaim her before monza

user5: do not even bring up the fact we may not have custody of her for monza

danielricciardo: leave some for the rest of us maxy

yourusername: no actually i think it’s illegal for max not to win sorry

danielricciardo: will that change if charlie apologises?

yourusername: considering that hasn’t happened and doesn’t look to be happening any time soon - no.

user6: CHARLES PLEASE DO SOMETHING

user7: he doesn’t have to do anything, she’s just bitter cause she’s always been the bridesmaid and never the bride. we ALL know she’s always loved charles and she can’t handle that she’s not the centre of his attention it’s kinda pathetic

maxverstappen1: what made you think you know any of us enough to comment something like this? what told you that you even had a right to talk about y/n like that? she’s everything you could ever wish to be and more and she will never ever deserve the things you people are saying about her. charles would be lucky to have y/n in his life platonically or romantically but it’s his loss

user8: boyf of the year right here

user9: charles take note ^^^ this is how you’re meant to defend your best friend

landonorris: i am once again asking for photo credits i’m not gonna be your personal photographer for free

maxverstappen1: i literally paid for your dinner

yourusername: you’re literally a millionaire

landonorris: i don’t care a man still likes to be wined and dined

yourusername: just to make it clear we are not looking for a third

user10: i promise i can change your mind give me a chance

f1tea

liked by user11, user12 and 2,349 others

f1tea: charles leclerc caught liking this tweet about the situation between him and y/n. seems like he won’t back down on this. what do you think?

view all comments

user13: i need this mans head on a spike i’m so serious

user14: i want to play pinball with the single marble in his head

user15: i think ferrari have genuinely caused real head rot in him cause no way he thinks this is a serve

user16: let's be real charles' biggest rivals are ferrari and himself

user17: not this man at his BIG AGE is liking shady tweets about his best friend

user18: i think it's safe to say they're not best friends any more

user19: also "biggest rival" my ass max and charles are fucking friends now so this whole narrative is complete horse shit

user20: i'm so bored of charles playing the victim bro YOU ARE THE INSTIGATOR YOU ARE THE PROBLEM

user21: the way charles is liking shit like this but max is writing whole ass essays in the comments defending her

user22: and that''s why i'll always back that she ended up with the right man

user23: max is so far in the lead in the championship i need him to take charles out for the narrative

user24: are we in high school? like seriously this is so fucking petty i cannot wait for media day this weekend

user25: he's either gonna be the funniest man in the world or he's gonna bite someones fucking head off

user26: and i'll back it either way

user27: i know y/n is about to have her revenge dress moment in the paddock someone get kym illman ready STAT.

f1wagsupdates

liked by lilymunhe, carmenmundt and 4,530 others

tagged: yourusername

f1wagsupdates: REVENGE DRESS MOMENT !!! y/n y/ln enters the paddock in monza in this stunning black dress, showing the world what a catch she is, oh and that is max holding the umbrella for her, what a gentleman.

view all comments

user28: mother came to slay i cannot even

user29: this right after max came for charles in the press conference is PERFECTION + NO RED IN MONZA !!

user30: i see lily and carmen in the likes in knew they'd be on the right side

user31: girl i don't think anyone is on charles' side

user32: yall see the stink eye from the red bull garage when charles walked past they have y/n's back LOL

user33: the red bull garage been ride or dies for max so it defo makes sense that they would extend that to y/n

user34: christian was defo waiting for a question about it in the press conference

user35: someone on twitter got a clip of him putting his arm around fred going out of the paddock and telling him to get his driver under control

user36: yall are we on the kardashians what the fuck is going on

user37: people may hate christian but he defends his driver so much that he's inserting himself in the relationship drama

user38: i don't even follow f1 but whoever this is this serving oh my

user39: this is so exhausting like i need charles to just apologise so we can get cute y/n x max x charles content

user40: torturing myself thinking about how cute that dynamic could be

f1

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 1,203,457 others

f1: max verstappen clinches his tenth win of the season at monza, joined by sergio perez and oscar piastri. home heroes charles leclerc and carlos sainz came together at turn one, awful showing for ferrari in monza

view all comments

user41: this narrative is so so poetic

user42: i feel bad for the tifosi at this point y'all get your hopes up every season

user43: charles you aimed the wrong way if you wanted to take max out

user44: the way max kissed y/n after winning god they're so cute

user45: also the way christian got everyone to move so y/n could get to the front to see max

user46: even marko looked happy about it what is going on?

user47: y'all we knew it was gonna be bad for ferrari y/n wasn't wearing red, call me superstitious but every time she's worn red charles has either won or been on the podium

user48: well that's just what he gets for not appreciating her

user49: as fernando would say KARMA

user50: someone check charles' blood pressure please

maxverstappen1

liked by christianhorner, yourusername and 1,304,662 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: winning on and off the track, some of you can't relate.

view all comments

user51: parents omg

danielricciardo: fighting words maxy, not pulling your punches

maxverstappen1: i do my fighting on the track, not my fault people can't get past turn one to give me a real battle

danielricciardo: i need to be inside your brain

maxverstappen1: no there's images of y/n in my brain that no other man will ever see

danielricciardo: you crack me up maxy

yourusername: woah who's that fine ass piece of woman

maxverstappen1: she's taken sorry

yourusername: that's a shame, i hope that man is taking care of her

maxverstappen1: i don't believe she's got any complaints

yourusername: wow you sound like a gentleman, she's a lucky woman

maxverstappen1: believe me i am the lucky one.

yourusername: awwww maxy you're literally the sweetest person in the world

user52: if i was charles and i saw this after that race you'd have to restrain me i'm so serious

user53: i'm happy for y/n and max but i need them to stop being happy in my face

alexalbon: ur welcome for that first picture btw

yourusername: lily taught you well

alexalbon: so no thanks?

yourusername: i joke thank you very much sir albon

user54: so like all of the twitch quartet are on y/n's side? awkward.

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, georgerussell63, 706,835 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: charles and i have been best friends since i knew what the word meant and it really hurts that is has gotten to this point. when charles got his first girlfriend i chalked it up to the excitement of the experience, but when he routinely got in and out of relationships and falling back on our friendship once scorned, i started to question what he really felt about our friendship. i overlooked it every time even when it made me doubt my worth and hoped our friendship meant more. however, the cycle continued and after being left stranded at a beach in a country i do not know i decided it was the end. i have reached out to you so, so many times and want nothing more than our friendship to work and so we can be life-long friends that we can tell our kids about. but i guess it's not worth that much to you and that's something i'll have to reconcile with. the only positive coming from this the fact that it pushed me to the love of my life, so thank you for that.

comments are turned off.

charles_leclerc

liked by joristrouche, pierregasly and 1,305,783 others

charles_leclerc: i've already got my trophy, sorry not sorry.

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user56: WHAT THE FUCK

user57: my brain is actually scrambled

user58: charles' must be as well cause no way he thought this was a good idea

landonorris: so this is a low blow

charles_leclerc: since when were you the reference point for morals

landonorris: damn dude, you're in the wrong but go off i guess

user59: why do i actually want to cry for y/n right now? she did this whole ass heartfelt post with no comments so people wouldn't be able to speculate and he replies with a pic of his gf's ASS

danielricciardo: not cool dude

charles_leclerc: i see you all took her side and our friendships mean fuck all

danielricciardo: kinda ironic you bring up respecting friendships

charles_leclerc: spare me the lecture

maxverstappen1: you're a child. but this is the closure she needs. cheers to being an asshole.

charles_leclerc: so you managed to get some of my sloppy seconds, you're welcome

maxverstappen1: she's not sloppy seconds and i can't believe you'd refer to her as that. but if you wanna talk sloppy seconds you can hold the 100 point gap between us in the championship. and y/n will never say this so i'll say it for her GO FUCK YOURSELF

user60: SHOTS FIRED

user61: men are so confusing

yourusername added to their story

[caption: taking some time for myself. thank you for your kind words and know i have an amazing support system around me now]

f1wagsupdates

liked by user65, user66 and 5,430 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

f1wagsupdates: charles leclerc spotted outside y/n y/ln's office with flowers this afternoon. idk at this point, any time i report on this man i lose more brain cells.

view all comments

user67: lol even wag page admins are done

f1wagsupdates: he gives me a lot of content but damn he needs to sort his head out

user68: lol this is gonna be an all time apology tour i can't wait

user69: i honestly don't want y/n to forgive him he doesn't deserve it.

user70: yeah max has proven ride or die for y/n so i know who she should stick with

user71: i need him to donate his brain to science cause in what world is a measly bouquet of flowers gonna cover all of this shit ?

user72: legit he's systematically ditched his best friend, let randomers on the internet drage her name through the mud and then liked it and then flaunted the fact that he didn't care about their friendship for everyone to see

maxverstappen1: lol nice try

user73: my petty king i love him so much

user74: i know y/n is taking a break from social media but i hope she knows how much love she's getting

user75: for real we're all on her side i hope she slammed that door in charles' face

user76: i hope that bouquet ended up in the bin

maxverstappen1 added to their story

[caption: special delivery for a special girl]

note: i know this was heavily requested so here it is!! i really like it and it's defo open for a third part if yall want charles and y/n to reconcile? thank you for reading xx

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen x you #max verstappen instagram au #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen

[petitesmafia]

Chuuya’s gonna be the funniest person ever if (when) Fyodor’s revealed to still be alive...i just KNOW his reaction is gonna be hilarious

Fyodor: did u thi— Chuuya: are u FUCKING kidding me Fyodor: did u think I— Chuuya: how the hell did he survive that shit Fyodor: well I— Chuuya: this just pissed me off Dazai: can u let him finish 😭

Fyodor: I have retur— Chuuya: oh grantors of dark disgrace Dazai: already?! Chuuya: it took too long getting rid of him last time

#enas.txt #bungou stray dogs #ignore the what if lol i tweeted this before 114 dropped #Chuuya will wrap it up ASAP this time #i know he's gonna be so annoyed i need to see his reaction #he's hilarious when he's irritated

[caraphernellie]

country girl ellie x city girl reader headcanons

oh fuck yeah so excited i love this kind of au!!

warnings: suggestive stuff, femme reader, obviously ellie’s a country gal, reader is wealthy, uhhh . these are super disorganised and probably really lame just things that i thought of ??

✧ ellie moved to the city from the countryside to pursue dreams of becoming an artist (with a scholarship to art school)

✧ she has a southern accent don't get me started

✧ u met her on her way to school. u bump into her and her phone falls to the ground and cracks

✧ ellie definitely has her own judgements about city girls, coming from the south, but she doesn't want to anger u, she's apologising profusely because ur gorgeous and just look expensive

✧ only for u to own up to it, and offering to pay for her phone damages

✧ and ellie's absolutely shocked. she tells u it is really not necessary but u insist by writing down ur number for her and then hurrying off

✧ did someone say u-haul lesbian trope or...

✧ because she wasted no time in pursuing u. there's something about her growing up in the country with nobody but joel raising her that made her extremely unhinged and this was something she couldnt let go

✧ she's so laidback despite u living every day like it's ur last (anxious queen or party girl whichever one u are 💀)

✧ she's so calm, never afraid to get her hands dirty

✧ coming from the countryside where the nearest other human civilisation was the small town twenty miles away, she definitely had some safety concerns and paranoia when it came to the city. definitely a protective gf

✧ u have to constantly remind ellie that she cannot just punch people if they stare at u too long even if it makes her jealous. she will get arrested

✧ she does feel kind of bad and a little insecure at times, wishing she could provide but u spend so much money on her (guitars, art supplies, comics, food) and she's so grateful but feels like a burden sometimes even if u continuously tell her u WANT to

✧ after moving to the city and dating u she finally understood where the stereotype about girls getting ready for ages comes from. it has only ever taken her ten minutes max to get ready in her life and yet u start getting ready three hours before an event

✧ she's kind of super clueless

✧ softdom ellie my beloved

✧ in summer break u went with her to the countryside and she thought it was the funniest thing ever watching u be scared to get dirty

✧ she taught u how to ride a horse and out of nowhere afterwards says "i'll teach you how to ride bareback later, yeah?" with that stupid smirk on her face, patting your thigh while helping you onto the saddle

✧ so reputation coded. so cornelia street coded

✧ she definitely helps u loosen up and become a little less uptight

✧ there was definitely a few times where she'd shovel up horse shit and chase u with it on the shovel just to laugh at ur screaming and "ellieeee-uh!!!!!!!!"

✧ she's the epitome of being super confident about things she's never done before. thinks she's fucking invincible just because she can lift heavy and tolerate the smell of manure

✧ rolls her sleeves up and gets into it

✧ the first time she got into the bedroom with u... did she know entirely what she was doing? no. oh but she had the confidence as if she did know what she was doing

i cant keep going im gonna get carried away i kinda wanna turn this into a proper fic or somethinggg but i have too many ideasss :((

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x fem reader #fem reader #ellie williams #tlou2 x reader #ellie williams headcanons #⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ headcanons

[lowkeyremi]

I think Megumi was an iPad kid. With Gojo being busy (and not knowing wtf he's doing when he first gets Megumi)

He regrettably sticks him with an iPad and he WILL not take his eyes off of that thing.

"Hey, uh, Megumi! Do you wanna go play catch?" Gojo would ask.

"Nope. I'm watching Power Rangers." At first Gojo down plays the situation.

But every. Where. He. Goes. His iPad isn't far behind.

Time for dinner? His iPad is on the table while he eats. Using the bathroom? He's watching his iPad. In the bath? He props the damn thing on the closed toilet seat and watches it while he bathes.

In the future Gojo would not let it go either. He'd tell the second years, "Here's our newest addition! Former iPad kid, Megumi Fushiguro!!" Dude he is so embarrassed grumbling something that sounds a lot like "I'm gonna kill him."

He even tells Yuji and Nobara. Nobara thinks it's the funniest shit ever and will never let it go.

Yuji just smiles, "I had a tablet when I was little too, although gramps only let me use it for a little bit at a time."

Megumi couldn't say the same because Gojo didn't know how to discipline someone when he himself acted like a child so he let Megumi do as he pleased.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

#megumi #megumi fushiguro #megumi drabble #gojo #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk drabble #jujutsu kaisen drabble

[hazbinwhoree]

drunk adam. what kind of drunk is he, how would reader handle it? would they comfort him crying, hold him in a hug so he can't do dumb shit. i imagine it would be something like Adam walking off to yell at a street light. how is he calmed down? *points down* Adam look, boobs. *shook adam face* boobs! lute totally makes fun of him later

Drunk Adam Headcanons

Adam is an emotional drunk

He’ll do anything from crying about Lilith to trying to fight Lucifer

So you have to keep him on a tight leash when he drinks

He always starts off happy and lovey-dovey and it always ends in tears

But he’s a simple man, it’s easy to pull him out of it

Just flash him your titties

“I’m gonna *hic* gonna fight Luuciferr. Beat him u-up.”

“Adam, look.”

“Booobs,” he slurs, all angst forgotten

Wants to have sex but is usually way too drunk to manage

You hold him while he cries about Lilith and Eve’s betrayal, reminding him he has you now and you’d never do anything like that

Making him drink water is such a pain in the ass

Once you lied to him and told him it was vodka to get him to drink it

Blacks out but never throws up

Loves to cuddle

Gets extra physically affectionate when he’s drunk

You know that vine of the dude going “I’m not drunk!” And his mom says “Tell the time.” And he turns to the clock and says “I’m not drunk!”

You have had an interaction like that with Adam

Lute thinks drunk Adam is just the funniest thing ever (he really is)

She insists on being witness to it every time he gets drunk and always makes fun of him the next day

#hazbin adam #adam x reader #suggestive #hazbin alastor #hazbin angel dust #hazbin charlie #hazbin husk #hazbin vaggie #hazbin vox #hazbin hotel #hazbin lute #x reader #oneshot #oneshots #hazbin valentino #hazbin lucifer #hazbin sir pentious #hazbin niffty

[dvrcos]

more mic’d up andrew minyard when?? mic’d up AARON minyard when?? other mic’d up fox when??

Aaron Minyard Mic’d up

Hes reluctant to do it for a long fucking time

He thinks its kinda dumb

But he mostly doesn’t wanna get scolded for what his mic would pick up

Because my boy is a shit talker

He’s saying everything and anything he can to rile up the other team

He’s even trying to rile up the other foxes tbh

So when he finally agrees he makes coach promise he won’t get in trouble

He body slams the opposing striker (because if there’s one thing Aaron’s gonna do it’s put his all into a body check)

And the opposing striker is mad like visibly fuming

He’s all up in Aaron’s space, a moment away from starting a fight

And Aaron thinks it’s the funniest thing ever

He’s laughing his ass off while loudly crashing their raquets against each other

‘What you’re upset I hit you? I’m five foot nothing dude sounds like a you problem’

And he’s lucky the striker gets pulled away by his teammates cause he’s over 6 foot

And Aaron is all bark, no bite

*whispering into the mic as he walks away* ‘I’ll be honest guys, he would’ve kicked my ass but that was to good of an opportunity to pass up’

His best moments come from when he trips up a striker

*sends the striker sprawling onto their ass* ‘womp womp’

*body slams one into the wall* ‘maybe next time man’

*slams the ball out of their racquet* ‘that’s not yours cmon now’

He flirts with the opposing team but in German

Because he’s discovered that when they can’t understand what he’s saying it really gets to them

And he’ll slip in a word in English so they figure out he’s flirting

And they’re even more pissed and distracted that they mess up what would’ve been a solid play

‘What the fuck did you just say to me!?’

‘Hey, hey sorry just trying to have a nice conversation’ *winks and walks away to start up play again*

*Opposing striker, absolutely baffled and fuming*

His striker accidentally trips him up and gets past to Andrew

And Aaron doesn’t even have to look at Andrew to see the heavy bored expression he’s giving him

Aaron knows he’s probably plotting where to hide his body if he does it again

*Andrew, shaking his head in disappointment as he smacks the ball away*

*Aaron rolling onto his knees and pleading for mercy while laughing* ‘my bad, let’s just talk this out I promise it won’t happen again it was Nicky’s fault’

This happens a lot whenever they’re both on the court

Because making a joke out of Exy is one of the only ways they both actually enjoy it sometimes

And it’s something they can actually bond over

But oh god forbid if someone on the other team says something about Andrew

That’s when Aaron just looses it

Doesn’t matter if the player is ten times his size, he becomes all bite

‘Put your psycho pet brother on a leash already’

And Aaron’s helmets already off and he’s going for his gloves next

*Matt grabbing him and holding him back* ‘cmon Matt it’ll be good, he asked for it, it’ll be good’

‘No Aaron, no red cards’

‘But it’ll be fun’ *tries to throw his helmet at the other player*

He gets a yellow card for it but he proudly displays it by tucking it into the front of his jersey

‘I’m gonna frame this one coach’ he tells Wymack as he sits on the bench for his penalty

Kevin’s always the most annoyed by Aaron’s shit talking because it threatens the game and Aaron’s wellbeing

And he also gets the most riled up whenever Aaron’s turns it onto him

*Kevin storming over to Aaron after he almost gets ejected* ‘Stop saying shit that’ll get you kicked out of the game you idiot’

‘Oh cmon Day I know you like em a little feisty, I’m just trying to make you happy my Queen,’

And Kevin just smacks the top of his helmet and turns to walk away

‘I can get on my knees to apologize if you want, I know you like me on my knees’

And Kevin just has to tune him out cause Aaron won’t stop if he feeds into it

He gets really into the game sometimes though (because he’s competitive and he can’t help it)

Like he’s screaming and cheering so loud at certain points the mic is crackling

*Kevin and Neil scoring the goal that pulls them into the lead* ‘LETS FUCKING GO’

When he’s on the bench he’s the one banging on the plexi glass

He’s screaming at them to get their heads out of their asses or cheering them on even though they can’t hear him

And then he gets out of his competitive streak and he’s lowkey embarrassed

‘If that gets posted online I will never recover’ he mutters after he’s just jumped into Matt’s arms in celebration

When the foxes listen to his recording later they’re shocked by how creative Aaron gets with all of it

And they find it hilarious

And endearing

And they like that they’re getting to see a new part of Aaron as he gets more comfortable with the team

He is by far one of the most aggressive of the foxes when he’s on the court, both physically and verbally

And the fans absolutely eat it the fuck up

But Wymack doesn’t mic him up often because he is lowkey a liability because of what he says

#sorry I had to sneak some kevaaron in there #it’s my demons talking #Aaron Minyard shit talker extraordinaire #aaron minyard #live laugh aaron minyard #aftg #all for the game #kevin day #andrew minyard #kevaaron #mic’d up foxes

[ambermeh]

Chris Sturniolo Firsts

⋆ His first crush: does not really know how to act around you and will become the most nervous and giggling person ever. This man will just want to talk to you. Especially if you two are friends and he has feelings. 'why don't you come over, i'll get the food' 'chris it's two in the morning'

⋆ He will drop subtle hints and play it off as joke because he doesn't want you to know or him to have to tell you 'outfit looks good ma might have to fight the other guys for you' 'shut up chris, what are you even talking about?'

⋆ As much as he pretends to be a player around you or jokes that all the girls love him, he cannot even look or think at a women in the same way after having a crush on you for a while. To the point you will be at a party somewhere and you will try and set him up with someone as a joke but he is dead serious and will act pissed off if you mention it. 'what's wrong I was just trying to help you find a girlfriend' 'yeah, well maybe I don't need help'

⋆ as you two are spending more an more time together you start having the same feelings and talk to Matt and Nick about it because they know Chris the best 'i think you should just go for it' 'i mean if chris says no he literally has lost his mind'

⋆His first relationship: when he finally builds up the courage to say it I think he would make a whole romantic surprise. For example, you get back from a week long holiday and he realises how much he actually likes you and so makes you find these clues etc and will be waiting for you at the end with a bunch of flowers. (Nick and Matt were also made to help because he would be stressing about doing something wrong)

⋆ The dates would be the funniest thing ever because he will randomly think of things he wants to do and there is page on his notes of all the dates he wants to do with you

⋆ Even though he will act like he doesn't like the romantic shit that other people do he LOVES it

⋆ Want to bake cookies and eat them while watching a romcom, sure. Want to do skincare and put make up on him, 100%. and the TIKTOKS that he would post would be so cute because he is literally just in awe of you. Does anything that you want really.

⋆ Just wants to make sure he is still the funniest person ever in your eyes. I feel like he would randomly show you videos while you two are just cuddling just to make sure you find them funny and will text you at the most random time with a joke he thought of 'well you could always show me when i'm not trying to get to sleep' 'sorry it was too funny not to'

⋆ First pet: it would be a cat because even if he didn't love the idea at first he would slowly start to be persuaded by the tiktoks of cute and funny cats. The cat would have to be a ginger cat or black cat because I think he would want one that matched his energy. Gets it as a kitten and was all I'm not going to get too attached to the cat BUT when it starts cuddling him at night he will act like it's his child 'I'm gonna stay at home because I can't leave him alone thinking I've left' 'thought you said it was my cat'

⋆ First child: The sweetest Dad ever

⋆ Will want to play sports with them all the time and dress them in outfits 'y/n i'm gonna go out and play some basketball with the kids i'll be back soon love you!!!'

⋆ Records everything because he thinks they are too cute not to. (and sends them all to you) 'Say hello to mummy for me, look y/n she's walking'

⋆ is that Dad who no matter what supports their child, you will never hear Chris comparing them to any other child because he loves them for who they are

⋆ AND even if you two are tired with having kids Nick and Matt are more than up for having them over, while you and Chris just eat a meal or watch a movie together. The love that you two have for each other is even more now that you have a family. 'we are parents now, I'm so proud of us' 'I know and at least we are not one of those boring couples' 'how could we be? I'm hilarious and you are so beautiful and funny and smart and' 'Chris shut up' 'you're blushing ma'

#matt sturniolo x reader #matt x reader #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #chris x reader #chris sturniolo x reader

[2knightt]

CANT HOLD IT IN ANY LONGER!!! i’m utterly obsessed with the curtis brothers.

idk if u do this, but if u can, the curtis brothers with a reader who’s super down bad for them? they make it so clear, too. constantly doing everything for them, making food, buying snacks, just utterly everything. compliments, holding their hand religiously … yk.

୧ ׅ𖥔 ۫ you know i’m a fool for you. ⋄ 𓍯

…IN WHICH! you think the curtis brothers are the only men on the planet.

tags/warnings: swearing(on my end/once during dialogue.) reader being slightly overprotective or insane, mentions of reader getting hit on, mentions of reader leaving lip stick stains, me not knowing what to write for darry.

ೃauthor notes⁀➷ i’m using ny other accounts layout bc i can’t be bothered rn. also i’m here to feed y’all i’ve noticed the outsiders x reader tag is lowkey dry asl.

Ponyboy Curtis:

WOAH HE CAN’T HANDLE ALLAT😭

like actually. he is TWEAKING AT ALL TIMES! when you first like started complimenting him, showering him in kisses, giggling n’ shit—he thought it was a one time thing.

ponyboy just thought he’d have to thug that shit out once a week or something. he was, in-fact, pleasantly surprised when you continued to do it.

“you’re so-mwah-cute! i wish-mwah-i could-mwah-hold you forever!”

“y/n…😣”

he’s so flustered omfg like actually he’s beet red LMFAOOO. if you were to put your fingers to his forehead it’d be so hot. like ponyboy’s avoiding eye contact, his lips are tightened, etc.

if he were to stay the night at your place—you make him all types of food. like, food he’d never heard of. or food he’d dream about after eating bologna for a week,

“for me? …really?”

“mhm! c’mon, don’t let it get cold now.”

ponyboy is DIGGING RIGHT THE FUCK IN. okay he is SCARFING THAT DOWN. after he’d be a little embarrassed of how quickly he ate but like you just took it as a good thing.

thinks you’re the best cook ever tbh. gordan ramsey has nothing on you type levels.

going on a walk with him to go grocery shopping for the curtis house with your hands intertwined and letting ponyboy ramble about this annoying substitute he had!!! IT’S REAL!!! ALL OF IT!!!

“n’ then he tried to tell me my answer was wrong when i studied last night—I EVEN ASKED MY FRIENDS. so, i know it was right. i just think mr. johnson had a personal vendetta against me.”

“smh…i could do slash his tires if you’d like♡!”

“what”

“nothing.”

AWHHH PONYBOY FOLLOWING YOU AROUND THE STORE LIKE A LOST PUPPY BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO BUY LMFAO

he’d like holding your sleeve or the hem of your shirt as you walk around, looking more awkward above all else.

uwahh showering ponyboy in compliments late at night when it’s just the two of you, twirling his hair as you hold him closer!!!

“you’re hair is so pretty. it’s so soft…i dunno why you put grease in it. if i was you—i’d never let anyone touch it.”

“i don’t. i only let you.”

“…REALLY??🥰🥰😚😚”

ur friends are soooo sick of you talking about ponyboy LMFAOOOO like actually. every time you go, ‘omfg did i tell you guys, he-‘ they know to just let you mindlessly ramble.

“and then ponyboy read to me ‘til i fell asleep! he’s so sweet—i dunno how he’s real!”

“i dunno how you’re so whipped.”

“he must be the funniest motherfucker on the planet if y/n’s this obsessed.”

Sodapop Curtis

OHHH Y’ALL ARE AT A CONSTANT WAR TO SEE WHO’S GONNA BEAT THE OTHER AT BEING THE BETTER PARTNER LMFAOOO

HE’S usually the whipped one in the relationship…he felt both extremely lucky and threatened when you started attacking him with kisses…

“you’re so handsome. i’m just the luckiest person on earth—ain’t i?”

“…yeah…🤨”

“why’d you say it like that?😞”

“cause I’M the luckiest person on the earth…I’M supposed to be tellin’ you this…”

but as time goes on—he does take the loss and accepts you’re better at him. for now. it’s only a matter of seconds until sodapop thinks of something insane to show his love for you.

anyways! IMAGINE COOKING WITH HIM OHHHH NY GODDDDD /?:&$:&: he just mainly stands there and looks pretty as he asks what you’re doing but SHHH. HE’S MORAL SUPPORT.

“…what?”

“i’m chopping onions for the flavour, honey.”

“you don’t like onions, though?”

“i don’t like the crunch rather than the flavou—YOU REMEMBERED I DON’T LIKE ONIONS??☹️☹️”

“of course i would!”

gladly holds ur hand 24/7. i’m not kidding. you two are like super magnets. HEHEHE IMAGINE HIM DRIVING WITH ONE HAND ON THE WHEEL AND HIS OTHER HAND HOLDING YOURS!!/!2!

you do take him grocery shopping. only sometimes, though. he only buys junk food rather than actual food.

“can i get these? please?”

“you already have two bags of chips in the cart, soda.”

“okay..😣”

“SIGH…get them.”

“HURRAY!”

knows you can’t say no to him and that’s like the only time he uses it to his advantage.

soc’s do hit on you under the premise of ‘showing you how a real man is supposed to spoil a lady like you.’ HOWEVER, you look at them like they’re aliens.

“hey, baby. what’re you doin’ around here?”

“…EW.”

“???”

they’re shocked above all else as they see you turn away from them and quickly walk away without looking back. AND WOOO SODA IS SO PROUD.

Darry Curtis

the gang acts like you two are constantly fighting whenever you start to look at darry with that sparkle in your eyes.

“guys, PLEASE! YOU’RE BREAKING UP THE FAMILY! STOP ARGUING!”

“what the hell are you on about, soda?”

“you’re scaring pony!” “don’t bring me into this.”

“mind you’re own business, soda.”

AJDIEHJR DARRY HAVING A HAND AROUND YOUR WAIST AS YOU MUTTER SWEET NOTHINGS BETWEEN KISSINGS>>>

you two are a POWER COUPLE IN THE GROCERY STORE! EVEN IF YOU REFUSE TO LET HIM PAY AND HE GETS POUTTY! EVEN IF HE DOESN’T TAKE COMPLIMENTS WELL!

“y/n, please. these are for my house.”

“so?? my wallet was out first.”

“that doesn’t mean anything. baby, i’m telling you, i’m paying.”

“too late, i already handed the cashier the money.”

you cook and clean for the curtis’ to take something off of darry’s back out of the kindness in your heart and totally not because you want him to pay more attention to you!! NEVER!!

but you do enjoy the fact that darry has more time to sit down and pay attention to you! and darry really likes the extra time he has!!

“you didn’t have to.”

“yes i did! you’ve been so stressed out, it’s the least i could do for you.”

“you’re such a treat, y’know.”

“mh. only f’you.”

you FORCE him to hold your hand. sometimes he forgets that he’s supposed to hold your hand in public so do NOT BE AFRAID TO GRAB IT YOURSELF.

but once you do, darry is the last person to let go. maybe to wrap an arm around your hip—BUT THAT’S IT.

teehee leaving lipstick stains on his white t-shirt accidentally🫶🫶!! it’s all so real to me!! sure, darry’s a little annoyed but it’s okay! he can never be mad at you!

#2knightt #the outsiders #the outsiders x reader #ponyboy curtis x reader #ponyboy x reader #ponyboy curtis blurb #ponyboy curtis imagine #sodapop x reader #sodapop curtis x reader #sodapop curtis blurb #sodapop curtis imagine #darry curtis x reader #darry curtis blurb #darry curtis imagine

[psychwxrdd]

you try to breakup with yandere! roman godfrey

🎀: not bill being arrested for smoking the zaza lmao let my man be happy. this is something short i wrote on halloween last year and i felt like sharing today

warnings: yandere, obsessive love, dark themes, implied kidnap, horror, gaslight

"You don't mean that shit" Roman laughed. As if you just told the funniest joke he ever heard.

"You bet i did"

He keeps laughing, genuinely. He puts his hand on his chest, trying to calm down.

"You'd make a brilliant comedian" he nods his head, staring at the floor.

You felt so angry, so small. You hated not being taken serious.

"Grow the fuck up! You know this is not a joke, i fucking mean it, i'm done with you" You said sternly. The way he stared at you made you feel chills on your spine. He came closer, sitting next to you. He sighed. His hands caressed your cheeks.

"Look at me sweetheart" you didn't wanted to, you tried to stare at anywhere else, but the way he grabbed your jaw forced you to make eye contact "Repeat yourself, c'mon"

"I don't wanna do this anymore!"

"Then i guess we have to make you want this again"

Roman easily carried you on his shoulder and it happened too fast for you to react. You tried to scream, but he had his hands covering your mouth.

"Shut up baby", he told you as he walked to the attic, your desperated cries for him to stop weren't doing anything to him. Actually, he thought the sounds were very lovely.

He threw you as if you were nothing, your head painfully hitting the floor and you couldn't hold the loud sobs anymore.

"I let you hang out with those bitches for once and see it, this is how you start acting. You're gonna stay here untill you learn how to behave, and you're gonna act like my sweet y/n again. Yeah? You got that? Nod for me if you understand"

You nod, softly.

"There you go. I love you, sweetheart, but you can't keep hurting me like this... I'm not the bad guy for wanting the girl i love to respect me, you know? It's all on you." He stood closer to you, and you shifted, scared of what he would do "I will do anything i can to keep you mine, don't try me. I'm not afraid of doing anything that means you stay here forever."

#roman godfrey #roman godfrey x reader #bill skarsgård #roman x reader #bill skarsgard x reader #bill skarsgard fanfiction #yandere roman godfrey #yandere roman

[alornights]

⟢ habits

➜ in which ! they pick up your habits.

💌 ﹫i. midoriya, s. todoroki, k. bakguou, h. sero n. monoma, y. shindo, h shinso.

✩ 🎸 warnings﹗none.

🍓 ⟡ notes — my first ever tumblr post. woah.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ IZUKU MIDORIYA — walking around in circles while listening to music.

found you in your dorm walking in circles with headphones in, eyes staring off into space, and your arms moving every so often.

he doesn't know what to think at first so he leaves you alone (he takes a video though for blackmail.)

next day he enters your dorm your doing it again right after an hour-long training session. and all he could think was 'what the fuck' and proceeds to start giggling like a madman.

after lots of laughs on one end and fake crying on the other, he finds out that you think better when walking around, and pair that with music, you're unstoppable.

after this you freely do this in his company and tbh, he finds it both hilarious but adorable especially with your hand movements.

he decided to try out for funsies and the amount of things that were solved and created in that hour of him walking around with music is unbelievable. so he continues.

and before he knew it, he was walking around the entire dorm for an hour straight listening to music while imagining himself in a multitude of scenarios that he'd never tell a soul.

has also embarrassed himself doing that. now he has to do multiple people favors so that shit isn't leaked.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ SHOUTO TODOROKI — using hands to speak

when he first started talking to you he was overwhelmed whenever you talked because of your hand motions.

but as time when on he found it pretty cool because it just emphasized how you felt, and he liked that.

for example, the day you were ranting to him about some girl who bitched about you being fake and your hands were everywhere demonstrating how you could beat her up.

or when you're singing and would make all sorts of gestures that match the lyrics (he especially liked it when it was towards him)

he realizes that this could maybe help him express his emotions i little more after he had picked up your habit randomly one day.

used it on endeavor, the man was so confused and he was more focused on the hand motions than what the poor boy was saying.

also started using it around his friends, which went as well as it could've. because apparently, they had been using it a bit. he finally understands what they're trying to say now.

now you two have such fun ranting about things.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ KATSUKI BAKUGOU — blankly staring at people.

i mean, it's not like he didn't do this already. but it intensified after getting with you and spending way to much time with you.

whenever someone said something that made you cringe, angry, or stunned, you would slowly turn to them with the blankest stare ever, unable to form any words.

it happened to him and he was so uncomfortable.

but when it happened to others it was the funniest thing to him.

would purposely make people say dumb shit and DO dumb shit just to see you stare and your victim's reactions.

and as time went on, he unconsciously started picking it up.

you thought people were uncomfortable or scared when you did it? now imagine you AND bakugou doing it together.

he doesn't know when or how he picked it up, all he knows is that he loves using it.

midoriya starts going on a rant about heroes? he shuts up the minute bakugou starts turning his head. denki is about to say yet another dumb thing? halfway he stops knowing the look he's gonna get.

he knows better to do it to you though. tried to doing a stare off but felt even more uncomfortable that before he got the habit.

he thanks you every day for making it one of his habits.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ HANTA SERO — dancing to songs but the dance is from another song.

started when you were in his dorm and he was playing beyonce and out of nowhere you start doing the "tell me" dance. and it kept going. for every song. the same part of the dance on repeat.

it happens again during class when the class was practicing their dance skills for the festival and you just started doing a tiktok dance that somehow fits way too well with the song.

when asked all you could answer was "the beat matches."

so every time he watches you dance he somehow manages to remember the steps and unconsciously started doing the same thing as you.

got called out by his friends for doing a random kpop dance to a pitbull song when they were just hanging out.

he wants to cry and you cheer.

but he continues doing it anyways because its fun.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ NEITO MONOMA — cheeking food before eating it.

whether you're a picky eater or have allergies or just don't like certain foods, you decide to check your food always.

and monoma found that weird but interesting.

started checking your food for you whenever you couldn't and unconsciously checking his own food for both things he didn't like and things you didn't like.

was totally oblivious to this until his friends got annoyed every time he wanted to eat something of theirs.

hates but loves you for this now.

actually saved him one time at a restaurant where he checked his food and found something he was allergic to.

he thanked you so much after that !

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ YO SHINDO — mumbling but making sure others hear.

when he first met you were mumbling a lot, and most of the time you weren't even trying to hide what you were saying.

"if you couldn't get into yuuei and had to go to a no-name hero school, no room to speak. at all."

everyone around wanted to beat the shit out of you, but shindo, he found it so funny that he started laughing like a maniac.

he found you so funny that he actively sought you out afterward and started hanging out with you. yes because your funny, but mostly to see people's reactions to your mumblings

especially loves it when you shit-talk people right to their face.

he's so very conscious that he picked up your habit and takes it with glee now that he can piss people off in a funnier way.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ HITOSHI SHINSO — playing with hands.

the day after you two became friends you randomly grabbed his hands and started playing with it and cracking his knuckles.

bro was star struck, never having been one to be affectionate.

was kind of uncomfortable with it at first but didn't really say anything because he didn't really care.

but then he started enjoying the way you played with his hands and then actively started playing with your hands.

then drawing on your hand, waving your hand around, using your fingers to type on his phone, almost bit your finger once...

he got so used to it that he forgets he's in public / in front of friends and will do whatever with your hands because he's bored.

almost did it to one of his classmates and he wanted to die.

hates you for that, but loves you for introducing it to him.

#bnha x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #hanta sero x reader #neito monoma x reader #yo shindo x reader #hitoshi shinso x reader

[christinarowie332]

passenger princess

chris sturniolo x reader

warnings : mentions of droogs . swearing (there’s (allways gonna be lots of swearing cuz i love “like an old married couple” trope)

reader and chris go for a late night drive .

(green text is txt messages)

——————

as wonderful as my boyfriend chris is , with his many talents and hobbies , he cannot drive for the life of him .

___

“chris for FUCKS SAKE LOOK AT THE FUCKING ROAD”

“I AM LITERALLY LOOKING AT THE ROAD, WHATDOYOUMEANBRO,THEROAD-“

“CHRIS YOUR LOOKING TO THE SIDE OF YOU ,LOOK AT THE FUCKING ROAD INFRONT”

——

“wait so clutch down , engine on do the gears and shit ….”

“ hand break up , take your foot off the clutch till it gets to the bite then-“

“what the fuck is the bite?”

“it’s right before u feel the car move”

“how do i feel the bite if the car don’t move”

“you just do chris”

“okay then what?”

“you take ur foot off the clutch , and press on the gas and go forward”

“sounds easy as fuck i’ve got this shit”

chris does as i say perfectly until he gets to the part when finding the “bite”

the car jumps forward throwing us both to the dash board , and spilling the two sweet teas next to us all over the front of the car.

“WHAT THE FUCK CHRIS”

“IDIDNTMEANTOIMSORRYAREYOUOKAY”

i unbuckeled his seat belt with a huff and looked up at him through my eyebrows . annoyance painted on my face. before unbuckling mine and exiting the car .

chris’s cheeks flushed with scarlett before getting the hint and getting out of the car to switch seats .

____

so here i am now , sat in my car outside of his house at , 3:24 am , waiting for chris to get out of his house .

i had gotten a text about half an hour ago from him :

“i love u so much btw (can u please pick me up so we can smoke and chill i’m bored and i’m craving some fritos) your the best woman ever and u are so sexy (i’m literally begging you bro) you are allways right and u are the funniest person in the world(PLEASE y/n IM BEGGING YOU BE AWAKE”

“i’m awake christopher”

“soooooo???”

“i’m omw”

“did i mention i love you”

“i’ll be half an hour so don’t make me wait”

“😁”

———

after about two minutes of waiting , i hear a door slam loudly. my head shoots up towards the noise only to see my gorgeous boyfriend grimacing at the loud sound .

he allmost ran to the car , the pockets of his grey sweatpants bulging with objects i couldn’t decifer , along with a orange hoodie and neon green Birkenstocks.

“what the fuck are you wearing” i say through giggles as he plops down hastily in the passenger seat .

“it’s fucking half 3 what did u expect?” he says in a strangely high pitched voice in defense while adjusting himself in the seat and riffling through his pocket .

he pulls out the following items and throwing it in his lap :

a lighter , two pink roll ups in a plastic tub , his wallet, his phone , his charger , a pepsi , chewing gum , three vapes and a pair of fluffy socks .

“what the fuck chris.” i say in disbelief at the amount of utter shit he pulled out before meeting his eyes and tight lipped goofy smile

“what? the essentials” he exclaims shyly shrugging his shoulders

i shake my head in disbelief again before starting the car and pulling out the driveway. chris plugs his phone in and opens the can of pepsi putting it in the cup holder next to mine . he eyes said cup holder , which has my keys , a lighter , two pink pre rolls and a cherry lip balm and smiles .

“great minds” he hums lowly looking away and opening spotify on his phone. i notice this and speak up .

“can i put a request in babe?” i say eyes on the road but angling my head towards him .

“depends , if u try and put some emo shit on i will literally grab the wheel and swerve us into oncoming traffic” he says in full seriousness looking at me with raised eyebrows .

“can u queue up lust by skies and i know by travis please and thank you” i say looking at him for a second a giving him a teeth smile . that doesn’t reach my eyes , in an attempt to ask nicely for a change .

he just stays silent staring at me mouth agape .

“what?” i say smirking and glancing at him for a second

“ i just realized i am actually in love with you”

“JUST?” i shout widening my eyes and aggressively side eyeing him before looking back at the road .

he just laughs and puts his hand on my thigh , before playing lust as i asked .

his grip on my thigh stays as we listen to the music , drawing circles with his thumb . i inhale deeply and try to hide the smile forming on my face . he notices and smirks before looking away out the window . i look at him now as we are at a red light and take the sight in .

his sharp jawline being accentuated by the poor lighting from the red leds . his hair messily falling over his forehead and ears . his eyes being lit up by the streetlight , making them glisten slightly with his lack of sleep . i put a finger on his chin and move his face towards mine resulting in him looking at me in shock slightly. i put my hand on his cheek and rub my thumb along his jaw before leaning in and kissing him .

the kiss doesn’t last long as a car honks loudly behind us . opening my eyes and seeing his face now being green i stay there looking at him smiling , eyes flickering over his face .

“y/n”

i hum in response still in a trance

“y/n the lights green baby”

oh

“oh”

——————-

(guys please dm me if u want me to stop tagging you)

@mangosrar @urmyslxt @soursturniolo @sssturniolofart @jcwrites-blog @lividnity @sturnphilia @daddyslilchickenfingers @biimpanicking

lmk if y’all wanna be tagged plz i forget !!!

i love u all !!! (like acc i wanna eat you)

#chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo oneshot #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo imagines #matthew sturniolo