#I said to myself I said self

[wonderlandmind4]

Has desk and laptop….still writes on phone in notes app

#I said to myself I said self #I’ll take a break from writing tonight even though I have this scene in my head it’s fine #and then I proceed to get into bed and type it on my phone #good job self #writing

[ineed-to-sleep]

Blacked out in front of my tablet and woke up with sketches of my Touchstarved mc + Kuras my beloved. woops

#I found out dr. kuras is 6'6 I said hold on lemme get a stool so I can climb this man #touchstarved #touchstarved game #touchstarved kuras #kuras #sleepyscribble #oc.emma #my mc is meant to be a self insert but also like. I wanted to come up w a design and character arc and everything jkvkvk #so I ended up basing her on my personality/looks but taking her into a direction that would fit the game #she's like. me but 'characterized' and a bit exaggerated for the sake of being a character yk #the way she turned out is that she's basically a friendly happy go lucky mage who laughs at her own misery but hides #a deep layer of self loathing underneath all that bc of her curse #having been cursed all her life she believes she's a monster and the sunny personality is a way for her to 'make up for it' #but at the same time she feels like a farse. like she's only luring ppl in to an inevitable demise #and she thinks she's selfish bc despite knowing the danger she poses she still goes out there and puts herself among ppl #bc she craves human connection. even tho she feels guilty for 'indulging' in it #anyway I love the cursed mc concept in this game <3 it's been really interesting to think abt how that would affect someone #also I kept her physical features looking pretty much like mine #bc I wanted to draw myself in a cute way. teehee #but the clothing I was basically thinking like. early game simple clothing that she didn't rlly pick for herself #and maybe later I can have an updated design w something she would actually pick for herself

[hinamie]

just looking at these hand poses was enough to give me carpal tunnel and that's how u know they're prime megu material

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #megumi fushiguro #yuuji itadori #megumi #yuuji #fanart #jjk fanart #itafushi #sometimes u gotta take a break from drawing megumi to draw different megumi and thats on self care #smiling megu for the soul he said heart emoji i said :D #i tried to do the poses myself and . u kno. im not convinced hands are meant to contort that way guys :( it hurt :( #so yuuji can share my pain i think tht bit is cute #tried smth a bit different w the skin rendering and i rly rly like it holy #very early era vacuumchan inspired :'> lov them SM sighs #also ripped megus jacket directly from a pinterest fit bc one of us deserves nice things :(((( #if sukuna wont stop wearing megumi in canon ill just play dress up to cope

[yeagrave]

night at the museum!AU bc I can :]

[ bonus sketches below the cut🫶✨ ]

#ignore my terrible handwriting lol #this is purely self indulgent #I literally said to myself that I should draw them in their canon universe and I just haven’t lol #I can’t help it! #they’re like my little dress up dolls😭 #hangster #sereshaw #my art #tgm #bradley ‘rooster’ bradshaw #jake ‘hangman’ seresin #dagger squad #natasha phoenix trace #javy coyote machado

[brother-emperors]

DO NOT BE AFRAID

this is combining Ovid's Heroides and the Excidium Troie because I can't stop thinking of Hermes telling him not to be afraid. what the fuck!! Ares is wearing the crown that Paris gave him.

I have. thoughts. about Paris. he's almost got this Troilos parallel in my mind, that the event that defines him in detail exists in a lost narrative that we don't have (the Cypria), but everyone else knew. the event that defines Troilos is his death (murdered, butchered by Achilles, the violence of which haunts everything after. Achilles, child killer, you can't escape that!), and the event that defines Paris is the Judgement. what's a lost text but a kind of grave!!

idk I don't think that Paris before the Judgement would recognize himself after bc when you become god touched, it rearranges your guts. you become transformed in the worst way possible! how could you recognize yourself! but I also think that all the Parises after the Judgement would recognize each other because that event is so locked into the trauma of war and the scar it leaves on the land, it's like a scar on the narrative too. it exists like this forever, over and over again, so you exist like that forever too. Troy collects grief and despairs.

Troy as trauma: Reflections on intergenerational transmission and the locus of trauma, Andromache Karanika

and Paris is like. a miserable little god/corpse-puppet or something, like a match for the gods to throw onto gasoline.

The Excidium Troie + Ovid's Heroides:

Excidium Troie, trans. Muhammad Syarif Fadhlurrahman

Ovid, Heroides 16 (trans. Harold Isbell)

a collection of things regarding Paris that made me go 😬 but under a cut bc this is getting. very long.

The Divine Twins in Early Greek Poetry, Corolla Torontonensis

Iliad 24 and the Judgement of Paris, C.J. Mackie

Elegy and Epic and the Recognition of Paris: Ovid "Heroides" 16, Elizabeth Forbis Mazurek

Ennian Influence in "Heroides" 16 and 17, Howard Jacobson

Paris/Alexandros in the "Iliad", I. J. F. de Jong

#long post #paris of troy #komiks tag #it's all greek to me #like. DISTANTLY. its #the iliad #drawing tag #listen i know it's fun to dunk on paris. but im a chronic killjoy. i know its cringe. mea culpa etc #i would love. I WOULD LOVE. to draw a comic and not have the commentary notes be longer than the comic itself #unfortunately i like to read and i cannot stop talking about things that i read. so this will not be changing. #ngl i keep hearing the last line 'my brother says you are a just judge' as 'and brutus says he is an honorable man' and that's smth for sur #god i wish this was shorter but then i remember it could've been longer bc i started drawing this while watching #some excellent korean horror but then i looked at myself in the mirror and said 'no. get your shit together.' #but that show is what sparked this. the themes. god i love shows. a round of applause for tv shows. #in a different world theres a version of me that didn't exercise self restraint and there's 30 screen caps from a horror show here too

[st-hedge]

Dark link and phantom Ganon but they are weird Pokémon trainers. Haunter and runerigus for dark link. Rookidee, lampent, and zorua (only the tiniest guys) for phantom Ganon. Don’t question my Pokémon vibe check, it simply fits. Also shiny Pokémon for shiny ganlink

#loz #legend of zelda #dark link #phantom Ganon #what if we trained ghost and dark type pokemon and we dated #shiny ganlink #I’m sorry I have no self control I said I’d do this for October but I did it the next day #I stayed up yesterday vibe checking pokemon #I wanted a water type for dink but nothing fit #so he got all ghosties #there are others I want for him #but they’d not fit on the page #someone suggested rookidee for phantom gan #and I reminded myself of what it evolves to #and it’s perfect #zorua is perfect too cuz of the illusions #lampent reminds me of the poe lanterns #no questions asked #another little guy in the ranks

[blueumbriel]

If canon events are basically a spiderperson's "destiny" in losing their significant other, or people close to them or to their S.O. specifically, followed by big life changing events--then might as well give my sona some deep-rooted trauma in family/trust issues \o/

Transcript below (in the very case that my writing is too small lol)

Miguel, exiting out of the portal slightly: Come on kid-- Night Spider: Go away. Miguel: ... Miguel: ...Peter brought Mayday. She's wondering where you are. N.S.: ...

[Skip a little here]

Peter: The fact that /every/ spider has to go through a canon event...her own family...(who the hell does that...) Miguel: It's...just what it is, Peter. Miguel: Look--we'll get UV Spider here to support them. She'll know what to do. Miguel: Their (N.S.) new family is here now.

#draws #spidersona #across the spiderverse #spiderverse #My spidersona is basically me when accepting the fact that when I put myself first or just being my true self #aka being Night Spider #said “family and friends” are more than likely turn against me and my choices #that might as well be a canon event #you feel me

[lorephobic]

have i talked before about how crazy it drives me that in old bdubs videos he would super abashedly talk about his love for making things pretty? because. it drives me crazy.

at the beginning of mc4 when everyone was clearing out spawn so it was a lifeless flat plot of land to build on and bdubs took it personally and added grass and foliage once everything was built to make the whole landscape more lively and cohesive. and how hed get made fun of for thinking about little shit like that.

also when he got asked what hed be doing if he wasnt doing mc and he mentioned music (i think) and basically was super embarrassed to be like “i know its not very manly, but im super into artsy fartsy stuff”. as if that is a bad thing.

anyway im getting so emo thinking about how in hermitcraft, everyone knows and admires bdubs skill as a builder and its not ever something thats made fun of anymore. thinking about how bdubs never talks down about his own abilities anymore and instead of feeling weird about being a dude whose into artsy fartsy stuff, hes really embraced his career as a creator of beautiful things.

#sorry this post is literally so self indulgent #last rb got to me okay #remembering when i first got into bdubs and id see him in other ppls content and was like ‘oh hes silly haha’ #but i didnt actually start watching him until i saw his hc8 base and thought it was one of the coolest things id ever fucking seen in mc #i started watching his videos and the way he talked about block palettes and gradients #and the way hed try things i’d never think could work really blew me away #and hes always been like this #i remember even in hc4 with his modern house #the way he used snow to create a slope was like. mind blowing to me. #ten years after he first did it LOL #hes taught me so much about minecraft as an art medium its fucking crazy #anyway #its been a while since ive gushed about bdubs this feels really good actually #i love him :( #edit: i wasnt gonna say anything when this was a dumb little personal post but ppl are actually rbing it #so i will correct myself #in my tags when i said hc4 i meant mc4 #lol

[bobmckenzie]

women selfshippers who aren't stereotypically feminine, whether in physical features or personality or anything, your f/o loves you just the way you are 💚 you are their ideal woman ! :)

#posts ive been meaning to make for months LOL #reminded bc my friend just said my hands look masculine LOL... SORRY FOR BEING A SHORT BARE NAIL ENJOYER I GUESS!! #made me laugh but also a bit sad sdkjflsjkfd like. is it not feminine enough to simply exist as a woman? #ive been trying to stop thinking like 'my f/o would like me in spite of the way i dress/my body type/the way i carry myself/etc' #bc they love me FOR all that stuff!! they love me BC I AM ME!! #selfship positivity #self ship #selfship #selfship community #f/o community #caitiechat

[fisheito]

collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS

#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo. #says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking #my immediate thought was #i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him #bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent #but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally #it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched.... #so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti. #configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying #the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias #then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought #i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him #AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND #originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went #WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN #BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing. #plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS #but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it #i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding #so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown #i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said #kuya #yakumo #yakuya

[the-music-maniac]

Is it bad that a part of me wants to see Kuina (who beat Zoro at fighting over 2000 times, training to be the greatest swordswoman, acutely aware of what people say about her gender and how it impedes her dream) meet Sanji (refuses to fight a woman just because they're a woman), just to see what type of trainwreck ensues. I feel like it would either be awful or absolutely hilarious.

#look i like sanji but sometimes his views about women makes me a little angry #speaking this as a woman myself #and i know it partially stems from trauma from the vinsmokes and then also what zeff said which i don't blame him for #but i wish he would at least be self aware enough to know that about himself #and not assume instead that the way he thinks is just how everyone should think #so anyway kuina meeting sanji would be quite funny to me #and i love zoro so i refuse to let him be dead in this au nah #he's in the background drinking sake and watching the show #to be clear i'm not shipping kuina and sanji tho #i'm still a zosan/sanzo shipper at heart #so in my mind this is a zosan au with kuina and zoro sibling supremacy #one piece #kuina one piece #sanji blackleg #roronoa zoro #zosan #sanzo

[yunwooz]

✨✨✨ | 230210 - All4SH_

#seonghwa #ateez #ateezedit #atzsource #ateez gifs #seonghwa gifs #lunagifs #luna.gifs #*ateez #*seonghwa #*fancams #*concerts #aleksbestie #rosieblr #heyfio #tusersofie #said i wouldnt be here #said i wouldnt bring myself here #SAID! #(lied to self for safety)

[unoriginal-and-dumb]

I’m nawt gonna lie gang, with the day I’ve had today I realized I should stand up for myself against stuff that’s making me upset because I’ve had enough of not being joyous so im addressing it

I said before that I don’t mind if people draw inspiration from my infected design, but there has been a lot of times (so many today of all days of course) where it really is just my design and yes I am flattered but please, please credit me

I came up with the design as a whole on my own, based entirely on “oh that would be kinda cool” in my head, and when I first started drawing it I didn’t really see anyone else drawing rlly anything similar to my design at all so I mean.. I dunno man I kinda would like credit maybe please

adding on to part of the reason why im doin this cuz now im seeing other people given credits and it’s like hm ok 😮😕

It’s been happening for nearly every single fandom I’ve been in now and it’s like errr ok…

#I dunno like I said terrible week and today has really just made it all worse #so maybe im just overreacting here but I am upset and #I think I should respect my feelings and then like do stuff about it #I DONT KNOW MAN MAYBE THIS IS SELF CENTERED #THEN IM GONNA BE EVIL AND SELF CENTERED I LOVE MYSELF #whatever

[benveydraws]

i can't love you in this skin

#twittering birds never fly #saezuru tori wa habatakanai #suggestive #<- jic #interpret this as you will #there's A Lot about gender and yashiro's relationship with gender and heteronormativity especially in relation to doumeki #he asks him what type of Women he likes. they only watch m/f stuff together. “i wonder if he's gentle with women”. #the anger and disappointment when he realizes that doumeki is actually attracted to him #unless he's remembering something that happened he only fantasises about doumeki with a woman and not with himself #(same was with kageyama iirc) #except for that kiss in the elevator but that's a whole other conversation. and even then there was a woman present #he even tells kamiya that doumeki is basically straight and he's just a rare exception #yashiro's is so so desperate to push doumeki towards a “normal” life #aka not in yakuza. not with him. in a normal (straight) relationship #just. a lot of self hatred and internalized homophobia #all that being said. i think regardless of the author's intent reading yashiro as a closeted trans person is also valid #the “i could never afford myself to reflect on this and i also don't care enough about living to even bother atp” type of closet #would it contradict some of the things yashiro says? sure. but he contradicts himself all the time #am i projecting as someone who will live and die in the closet? sure #i think it's interesting that the only person who genuinely asks him about gender is ryuzaki #in the same conversation where he asks him about falling in love #and yashiro's response is basically “it wouldn't change much” and “i'm fine with what i have”. are you tho #there's a lot i can say about yashiro and aoi and yashiro and ryuzaki's girlfriend but i can't articulate it well rn so whatever #the way dumeki's lie about dating a woman affects yashiro is also interesting regardless of which interpretation you go with #which is also why i'm using post time-skip for the art. the topic keeps popping up #but yeah uh. take it as you will i just have a lot of feelings about. This #art tag

[puppydoggraham]

Thinking about how Will Graham views his anger as righteous which of course extends to Hannibal. A lot of his anger in s2 is over the fact that he finally trusted someone only for that person to betray him but it’s more than that. It’s more than just what Hannibal did to him. What he’s truly deeply angry about is that Hannibal knows his dark nature and not only knows it, but wants him to embrace the very nature he’s desperately trying to suppress.

He’s supposed to be the one that’s perceptive. He’s the one who is supposed to see it all while remaining unknown and unseen. And yet Hannibal recognizes what kind of person he has as soon as they meet. It’s not supposed to be that way. He hates that Hannibal is the one person he can’t hide from. Who will always see through the facade he puts on for others who buy into it. That’s why when Hannibal essentially tells him in s3 that he hasn’t changed, he’s fuming. If just Hannibal can believe he’s changed, maybe he himself can believe it too.

But he doesn’t. And deep down Will knows that’s just what it is too: a facade. Hating Hannibal is really just him hating himself at the end of the day. He takes a lot of his displaced anger out on him. He has these violent murder fantasies about Hannibal that symbolically can be read as him trying to kill off this part of himself. He can’t kill them off. Suppression only works for so long. The fantasies only grow stronger.

It’s only when he gives in at last during TWOTL. When he stops supressimg who he is. When he stops hating himself for it and overthinking about the act of violence. When he allows himself indulgence. This is when he experiences being at peace with himself possibly for the first time ever. At last, the internal battle that rages on inside him calms. The voices in his head go quiet. Even though this is brief, he knows that what he and Hannibal experienced on that cliff is a moment of peace in a lifetime of unrest. He doesn’t take it for granted, which is why he says what he does. When he stops fighting Hannibal, giving into the violence and also his touch as they embrace, it represents that he stops fighting with himself too. And isn’t that the most beautiful thing in the world?

#hannibal #nbc hannibal #will graham #hannigram #hannibal lecter #hannibal meta #you guys always get my Hannibal analysis #well it’s will hours baby #I’m feeling very will lately which means you get will analysis #I’m so will graham like genuinely you have no idea #I feel like everyone says they’re will bc he’s haha awkward autistic loner #and trust me I’m that too #but I’ve personally had so much of a battle with suppressing myself and shame and not letting myself have desire #especially over things not socially acceptable #and that resonates so hard with me #also the displaced anger #and a lot of my anger I would describe as righteous since it’s directed at those who have harmed me #okay maybe the person who said I write will well has a point #I also have a lot of self hate and don’t believe I’m able to be loved anyways #will graham I love you #literally typed this out like I would die if I didn’t get it out #also he denies affection too in addition to violence #or violence serves as a stand in for affection #(hence the line about speaking to him in a language he understands from chiyoh) #so on the cliff he accepts not only violence but affection #he accepts Hannibal’s love he stops running from it #the dual acceptance agh #so many layers #the way you can tell from how he holds onto Hannibal he’s just giving in completely #in that moment he was probably like what do I even do he’s not used to that

[aparanoidelectrictoothbrush]

today in art class we had to place newspaper under our artwork to keep the tables clean, and by great ol' chance the paper I got had a story about Aaron Bushnell. Right in clean view for me. I was using the class as some time to chill out amongst some other stresses I have going on today so I didn't stop to read much but I did take some peeks.

There was an opinion piece next to it. Criticizing Bushnell. Saying there's nothing glorious about suicide. I could've laughed. Because obviously there isn't. That's the point.

This isn't glory, this is horrific. It's ugly. It's screaming for the freedom of those who are experiencing worse than what Bushnell did. He says it himself, that his fate was not extreme compared to that of many Palestinians.

Why do you need it to be glorious?

If your sense of who's the good side is the side in better spirits, better health, better mood, better status, your setting yourself to side with the oppressors.

Fuck your comfort. Fuck you.

#vent #Palestine #free palestine #free gaza #aaron bushnell #self immolation #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #Yea I said I wouldn't talk much about it myself and this is really similar to my last post about it but I'm just fucking. Furious. #As a result my wording in here might be muddy. I'm sorry.