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angel-of-the-moons · 9 months

Note

I haven’t stopped thinking about that Hobie baby fever fic ever since you posted it. Many thoughts. Many thoughts many many thoughts and ideas many many little ideas.

You have people saying ‘Oh good luck lol kids are SO hard!’ ‘He’s definitely gonna regret it you’re gonna be a single parent’. But Hobie’s probably been WISHING from a young age he could be a parent, the only thing he didn’t prep for is your little one grabbing his wicks and him nervously calling out “Luv, luv help me LUV-”. He learnt very quickly to tie his hair back when he’s holding them. If you have a little girl, everyone always thinks it’s you who’s done her hair for the day or for school. NOPE. Hobie’s been with her in the bathroom since 6 in the morning putting her in braids and buns. Your baby is his whole world and he’ll be DAMNED if he won’t be the absolute best dad EVER ‼️

Oh my godddddddddd my ovaries went 💥💥

The Pitter Patter of Little Feet Pt. 2

Dad!Hobie x Wife!Reader

TW/CW: A lil angst at the start, Fluff. So much fluff.

A/N: I'm basing all my baby prep off of the things I had to do for my nephew. I am unsure the proper care that goes into textured hair but I hope I can do it justice!

🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸

You remember what people told you, how "someone like him" wouldn't be able to handle being a dad, how he'd leave you. The words said by your mother hurt the worst, the things she said about Hobie. Your father was no better, especially when they found out you two agreed to get pregnant before anything else.

Especially after you put the positive pregnancy tests, the test results from blood work with your doctor, and some baby booties on the table as a surprise.

It was supposed to go like you imagined, right? Happy jubilant crying, hugs, congratulations...

You got the exact opposite, with your parents criticizing everything about your boyfriend, the father of your unborn baby. The man you loved.

"What kind of father would he be? A bad one, just look at how he's dressed! You think he can help dress your child?" Your mother scoffed. "And those awful piercings! I bet your baby will be running around with holes in their face by the time they're six!"

"And what about a job? You can't be the only one to support your family. He's a man, he needs to step up and quit it with that "punk lifestyle". It's not suitable to raise my grandchild in!" Your father grunted.

After your baby was born, you cut them off and had a courthouse wedding, and a little get-together with his friends from the Spider Society. A mix of a reception and baby shower.

Joke's on them! Hobie was an amazing father, and an amazing husband. The moment he found out you two were having a little girl?

Pink. And. Purple. Her style would be all punkish of course.

He got stuffed instruments that crinkled for when she would teethe, some guitar-shaped rattles...

And he would never admit it, but Hobie actually cried, when he got to hold your baby girl for the first time. You guys named her Selena. Selena Brown.

She came out angry, wailing, as if she was pissed off at the world she had only been in for a few moments.

"Already got the spirit! Make a big noise, a big statement. That's my girl!" Hobie laughed, playing with her tiny feet.

After that, Hobie was very attentive. From you working from home, he would help. He'd fetch the breast pump when you needed it, would prep the bottles, and keep Selena occupied while you worked. He would even take the late shifts at night to make sure you got your rest.

As Selena got bigger, her hair became a bit unruly, and at times you had no idea what to do with it. Hobie? He came in clutch. The proper ties, hair masks, grease (if needed), oils, brushes...

The trick was getting the rambunctious one year old to hold still while her father attempted to tame the poofy mass.

It was one day, you got up from your computer only to hear Hobie shout your name.

"Babe! Babe!" He cried out, grunting.

Of course, you made a dash for the living room, only to see your husband with your toddler. Apparently she had moved behind him, her hands clinging to his shirt to help keep her balanced as she bounced on her little chubby feet.

Her big brown eyes gleamed as she giggled, her bottom teeth poking out in the most adorable way.

Well... it wasn't from where Hobie sat.

Selena's little fist had a tight hold over one of his wicks, tugging his head back sharp.

"A lil' help, luv?!" He winced, hissing at you as you covered your face to try and keep from laughing.

"Come on, Bug, give daddy's poor head a rest. He's got enough problems with that mess he calls hair." You tease, scooping up your little girl.

But... even though her grip loosened, Hobie's wick stayed attached to her hand.

"Oh... ohhhhh..." You said, clicking your tongue.

"What! What!" Hobie groaned, trying to tug his head free.

"You made me have a spider baby."

#hobie brown x reader #hobie x reader #hobie brown #atsv hobie #hobie spiderverse #my writing #answered

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selfloverrrrrr · 4 months

Note

Watching You~(Gojo x female reader) part two plz i need it 😩🫂

And i love your work so much 🫶🫶

Ty for your request <<<<<<<3

_________________________________________

Watching You~

Part 2

Warning: jealousy, injury, blood, yandere, hurting.....

( All characters are aged up/18+)

Part 1

Masterlist

Minors Do Not Interact

Read those warnings carefully.....if you don't like my stories block me not report....

Next morning I woke up. I smiled at myself after remembering the thing me and Megumi had done last night. I got up from my bed, brushed my teeth and took a quick shower. After that I wore my uniform and went out of my room. I went to Megumi's door but it was locked. WEIRD. I called his name but didn't get any response. WEIRD. So I decided to call him. I took my phone and called him.

Someone pick up the phone. It was a female voice. It's Nobara I recognised. " Nobara? Is Megumi already at school? He told me that he will go with me but his door is locked." I said. " Y/n, Megumi isn't at school....none of us are at school" she said. " Then?" I asked. " We're at hospital. Megumi is admitted here" she said. " WHAT???!!!" I felt like there wasn't any land under me. " What happened!!" I asked. " We'll tell you.... We send yuji to pick you up.... come here then I'm gonna explain " she said and I cut the call. I saw Yuji standing outside. I run to him and We both went to a cab.

The cab stopped infront of the hospital and I run inside. I saw Gojo sensei and Nobara there and I run towards them. " What happened?" I asked worried. "Clam down...sit here and lemme tell you" she said and I sat down on the bench. I didn't even noticed that Gojo sensei was staring at me. " Look we even don't know what the fuck happened with him. Yuji went to his room today at 4:00 am for asking Megumi if he wants to go on a run.... Yuji knocked on the door and just heard Megumi's cry ..... He broke the door and went in and saw Megumi fully blooded. Then he called me and sensei and we took him here" she said.

I was just shocked. Couldn't understand what happened and why happened. I suddenly saw the doctor coming out of Megumi's room. " Doctor can you please tell me what happened?" I asked. " Look he is heavily injured. His hands are broken , his spine is broken and his legs are stabbed so many times..." He said. I couldn't believe in my own existence. " Doctor can I met him?" I asked. " Yeah sure.... He's able to talk now... but don't take too much time." He said with a smile and went away.

I opened the door of Megumi's. I saw him laying on the bed. I went in and sit beside him. He looked at me. His hands, legs and waist were covered with bandages, oxygen mask was on his face. My eyes filled with tears. " Mhh mhh" he said and slowly shook his head telling me not to cry. I wiped my tears and laughed. " Don't worry.... it's going to be fine... everything's going to be okey" I said with a smile and kissed on his check. He couldn't talk that's why he just smiled. The smile was smile of relief as if my kiss made him relaxed. I told him bye and went out of the room.

After I went out Gojo sensei went in to meet Megumi. I didn't noticed that Gojo sensei was looking at us from the door when I was in with Megumi. Gojo sensei entered and locked the door and turned towards Megumi. Megumi panicked seeing Gojo sensei. As if he was trying to scream but couldn't. Gojo sensei smirked at him and started walking towards him. Megumi's breath quickened. "Sooo...." Gojo broke the silence " how you doing?.... Healing?" He asked with that smirk. He was beside Megumi's bed now. Megumi looked at him. His body is shaking as if was trying to move. " Oh don't do that... you will get hurt" Gojo says and put a hand on Megumi's bandaged forearm." Now now.... what did I told you???.... didn't I told you to stay away from y/n?...." He began to speak again" then why are you letting her to kiss you???"gojo said with grinding teeth and squeezed Megumi's forearm. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" Megumi moaned loudly and tears fall from him eyes. Gojo smirked " rooms are soundproof.... Hope you remember my words next time" Gojo said as he let go off Megumi's hand and went out of the room.

After coming back Gojo sensei came towards me. "Y/n?" He asked " hmm?" I replied. " Look you don't have to lie.... you love him... don't you?" He asked. I looked at him with teary eyes. I hugged him. He stroked my hair. " Shhhh.... It's okey.... He's gonna be fine soon... We all are with him you know.... nothing will happen to him" he said with a smile. I wiped off my tears and nodded. " Now as your sensei I have a responsibility to keep my students happy.....sooooo I was thinking about giving you a tour of my house" he said in his silly tone. I laughed " fine!" I said. " That's my girl~" he cooed and we both went in Gojo sensei's car.

Part 3

Masterlist

Gimme your requests.....

I love when you give me your requests<3

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munsonsduchess · 2 years

Text

Lost in the Shadows

summary: eddie is still in the hospital after almost dying in the upside down, but there's something strange about his recovery w/c: 2,485 warnings: blood (it's a vampire fic so), mentions of injury, mentions of wounds, mild stalking behaviour a/n: another sleepover request, this time from @hoppershoe which I am super excited about bc I love me some vampire!Eddie and well vampires in general (you can tell I skew more towards Dracula than the Lost Boys but both are amazing). Not beta'd so if you find a typo or a mistake ... no you didn't. My editor works his lil beans off ok? Ok

(moodboard by me)

The heart monitor beeped softly, rain pelted against the windows as it poured down outside. April showers brought May flowers but all you wanted was Eddie, Eddie who still hadn't woken up. It had been weeks and he was still in whatever medically induced coma the doctors had put him into when you'd brought him to the hospital both of you drenched in blood, Eddie all but lifeless in your arms as you screamed for someone to help,

"Another shitty day out Eds. Almost got soaked on my way here" you sighed softly rummaging around in your bag for the things you'd brought with you today. Some more little things you'd salvaged from the trailer before the gate destroyed everything and a worn paperback copy of The Lord of the Rings that had been a gift on your last birthday, the inscription on the first page told you how much Eddie loved you and you held on to that love now more than ever.

You were a frequent sight in the hospital, to the point where most if not all of the nurses who came in to check on Eddie knew your name and what you meant to the sleeping boy. At first it had taken Steve and Jonathan literally dragging you away from Eddie's bedside to have your own wounds checked out after almost a week of refusing any sort of care, then the hospital telling you that you couldn't stay the night anymore but you were still welcome to visit during the day and now only at visiting hours.

You appreciated that they'd made an exception in the beginning, that they'd been so overwhelmed with 'earthquake' victims and one girl sitting at a bedside wasn't causing anyone any extra trouble but now that things were getting back to normal, normal for Hawkins at least, things had to change. Exceptions could no longer be made.

So you came at visiting hours and you read from whatever book you'd picked up that morning. So far you'd gotten through most of Stephen King's books and now you were moving on to Tolkien knowing it was a personal favourite of Eddie's. The similarities between Tolkien and his friends, Frodo's adventure and your own experiences in the upside down didn't go unnoticed,

"I wonder if this is how he felt, Tolkien, after going off to fight in the war with his friends because it was the right thing to do only to come back scarred, not the same as before. Having to try and go back to the way things were because that's what everyone else is doing but not being able to because of what you've seen or what you've done"

It felt silly at times to compare the trials of the Upside Down to the living hell that was a World War but you imagined Tolkien would understand, Eddie would understand.

So you opened your book and you began reading where you'd left off the previous evening. It was comforting in a way to know that the Hobbits would always be there, that Strider, Gandalf, Boromir and Faramir would live on forever on the page. That no matter how many times you read the trilogy it would always end up the same. Good would defeat evil, the world would be saved and the heroes would be lauded for the rest of their days. If only it went like that in real life, the government had stepped in and done something so that Eddie was no longer wanted for murder by the police but in the court of public opinion that didn't matter. Hawkins was a small town full of small minded people who once they'd made their mind up about something didn't tend to change it easily.

The high school had given Eddie's Uncle his diploma, telling the older man that it was in everyone's best interests that the 'whole ordeal' be dealt with quickly and quietly. You'd almost marched down to the high school yourself after Wayne had told you what happened, ready to tear the Principal a new one for his dismissive words. Eddie Munson was a goddamn hero.

➽───────────────❥

A nurse poked her head around the door after you'd been there for two hours,

"Time to go sweetheart, I let you have an extra hour but the Doctor is breathing down my neck about rounds"

"Sure, I get it. Sorry to be a bother" you replied, bookmarking your page and leaving the book on Eddie's bedside table, "I'll see you later Eds, Henderson's coming too of course" you placed a kiss on his temple and willed yourself not to cry at how frustrating the situation was. You couldn't do a damned thing for the man you loved but sit by his bed and read silly stories he might not even be able to hear.

"It's ok honey, you aren't bothering anyone. If it was up to me I'd let you say but Doc O'Neill is a real stickler about rules" the nurse, Doris, placed a comforting hand on your shoulder as you reached the door,

"Is he at least getting better?" you asked, "is he going to wake up soon?"

"Well his wounds have healed, physically anyway. Which lemme tell you I didn't think they would have healed so fast but every morning I come in to check and they're healed just a little bit more. They're gonna scar some but I'm sure that's the least of your worries"

You just nodded. If his wounds were healing then that meant he was getting better and if he was getting better there was a chance Eddie would wake up soon,

"Still it's strange" Nurse Doris said, "I don't think anyone thought your young man was gonna make it, it took an awful lot of blood transfusions because he kept losing blood so quickly. I don't know how the hospital kept up with it all. I don't think they ever restocked because there's so much blood missing from the stores"

You paled. You didn't really want to hear how close Eddie had been to bleeding out on the operating table. It just reminded you of that sickly sweet smell that clung to your skin no matter how hard you scrubbed in the shower, the feeling of Eddie's weeping wounds as you dragged him into the emergency room that night. Thanking Nurse Doris you left the hospital and headed home, you weren't working these days since the town had been mostly destroyed when the Gates had all merged and as a result most of downtown was being rebuilt including the mall apparently. Hopefully minus the soviets in the basement trying to open a portal to another dimension.

You flopped down on your bed as soon as you entered your room, shutting the door with your foot. You'd try and rest for a few hours before picking Dustin up for evening visitation, he would probably be mad you read to Eddie without him there but the little shrimp would get over it. You knew that reading helped him as much as it did you.

➽───────────────❥

"Disturbing scenes this evening as here in this quiet suburb a tragedy plays out. The bodies were found mutilated and drained of blood, authorities say they have no suspects but this reporter wonders if this brutal slaying is the work of a satanic cult"

The TV in the waiting area of the hospital continued playing the news as you collected the snacks from the vending machine and headed back to Eddie's room. It had been a couple of weeks since your chat with Nurse Doris and Eddie was looking a lot better. He was filling out again, there was some colour on his face and his wounds were all but totally healed,

"You're gonna have some gnarly scars when you wake up" you smiled brushing some hair from Eddie's face, "it's gonna look totally metal"

You watched his face. Hoping for some sort of reaction but found nothing, it was wishful thinking that he might come around just from you calling his scars metal. That was all you seemed to do lately, wish and think.

After visiting hours ended you headed straight home, there had been no Dustin to drop off this evening because he'd gone around to Mike Wheeler's place to spend some time with his friends, when he'd spoken to you on the phone he'd sounded so guilty you almost cried. It was no life for a fifteen year old to spend his every waking moment after school in a hospital, you were happy he was spending time with his friends.

The house was dark when you got in. Your parents had left you a note saying they'd gone to a town hall meeting and would be back late, there was a dinner in the microwave if you wanted it. The thought of food made you sick so you just went straight upstairs and fell into bed. It was all you could do to keep your eyes open, you hadn't been sleeping great since the battle with Vecna and every time you closed your eyes you saw those bats ripping Eddie into pieces, heard Dustin screaming for help. In your worst nightmares Eddie didn't make it, you had to be pried off his cold dead body by Steve or Nancy or Robin, dragged back through the gate as they left him there in that awful place.

You woke with a start, you could swear there was someone in your bedroom. Feel a presence watching you, staring at you, carefully your hand reached for the baseball bat Steve had given you the previous summer after the fire at the Mall and the ordeal with the mind flayer, it didn't have nails driven into it like his did but it was solid aluminium so the nails wouldn't be necessary if it collided with an enemy.

You slipped out of your bed as carefully as you could and inched towards where you could feel the presence, the room was pitch black and you knew where all the squeaky floorboards were so if there was someone in here they wouldn't see you coming.

A shadow moved out of the corner of your eye and you didn't think, didn't hesitate, you just swung. The bat however did not make contact with the target and instead a hand flew up almost quicker than your mind could perceive it and caught the top mid swing,

"Jesus Christ! You could have killed me with this thing!" a familiar voice cut through the darkness, your knees buckled,

"No" you whispered, "it's a dream, it's just a bad dream"

"It's not a dream baby. I'm here. I'm really here"

The figure stepped into the centre of the room and was bathed in the light coming from the street below, that same bushel of curly hair, the long limbs kitted out in a pair of dark wash jeans and a black shirt,

"Eddie?" you sobbed, "oh my god eddie" you threw the bat down and rushed him. He was real, you could feel him in your arms, smell him, he was really here,

"Sorry it took so long baby, I wasn't strong enough to leave the hospital"

"Did they discharge you? When? Why did no one tell me?" you had a hundred questions, what was going on? The doctor never told you anything when you'd been at evening visitation, surely if Eddie was fit enough to leave the hospital someone would have told you something!

Eddie went rigid in your arms. His entire body frozen like a statue as he unpeeled himself from your embrace,

"It's not really their decision" he said, "I had to see you, just one last time"

"Eddie you're scaring me"

"I'm sorry baby, I am, I didn't mean to do it, I was just so hungry"

Eddie backed away from you, retreating further into the darkness. Like he didn't want to be seen, least of all by you,

"Eddie, what's going on?" almost as if this were a dime a dozen horror movie the light of the moon shone in through your open window and illuminated Eddie's figure.

His ears were slightly more pointed, skin much much paler than you remembered, his eyes once a beautiful deep brown chocolate were rimmed in red almost as if he'd been crying. What was most shocking of all was the flash of something sharp and white you saw when Eddie tried to speak to you again,

"Don't look at me!" he hissed, he never wanted you to see him like this. He was a monster now, those bats had done something to him and now all he wanted was to feed. You'd seen your fair share of monster movies, read all the books, you knew what this was,

"Why are you embarrassed? You’re beautiful, don’t you see that?" you stretched out your hands for Eddie to take, pulling him closer to you so you could examine him up close, "well this is a shocking turn of events"

"I think you're understating what's going on here by a lot" Eddie furrowed his brow at you, "baby I've hurt people, I'm not safe to be around"

"I will decide for myself what's safe and what isn't" you told him, "Mina didn't run away and neither will I"

You leant up slightly on tiptoe to place a kiss against Eddie's swollen lips noticing just how hot his skin was against yours. You certainly hadn't expected that, but then Eddie Munson never did anything you would expect.

As if driven by some primal thing inside him Eddie dug his fingers into your hips and pulled you closer to him. His brain was screaming at him to take you, taste you, you smelt fucking amazing and he bet you tasted even better. Those pretty veins just under the skin, how easy it would be to tear one open and just watch as the crimson liquid ran down your neck, staining your pretty white shirt.

He pushed you away in an instant. No. He wouldn't give in. He'd already hurt people, he wasn't going to hurt you,

"I can't - I won't - You -" he couldn't bring himself to say it, to form words when his brain was this clouded by bloodlust so instead he did the only thing he could think of. He jumped out the window.

You ran after him but Eddie was already gone. You thought you saw something in the night sky, something with a pair of huge batlike wings but the moon had gone again, covered by clouds. The same clouds that obscured Eddie from your view.

He was alive. Eddie was alive. Well Eddie was a vampire but he wasn't in a coma in a hospital bed anymore.

You would get him back. You would be together again. No matter what.

You would cross oceans of time to be with him.

Taglist: @pillow-titties @eddiesmutson @prettyboyeddiemunson @eddiemvnsonss @hellfireeddiemunson @that-lame-ghoul9000 @ches-86 @boomhauer @flashyourgreeneyesatme @xbreezymeadowsx @slytherinintj13 @wheaty-melon @inluvweddiemunson @lucciaa9 @shenanigans-and-imagines (if you're scored out it means tumblr won't let me tag you properly)

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jawritter · 1 year

Text

Carry On

Chapter 3

Summary: It was just a simple hunt, found on a pie festival. It was supposed to be easy. Something they’d all done one hundred and one times a million. No one could have told Y/N, Dean, and Sam that nothing from that point on would ever be the same again.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader x Sam Winchester

Word Count: 2964

Warnings: Heavy, HEAVY TW: Dean’s final episode of SPN. (Season 15x20 spoilers). Graphic injury. Me botching medical jargon, A lot of pain. Hospital setting. Angst.

Due to the graphic nature of this fic, and the fact that it will eventually contain Smut. This fic is an 18 + only fic! If you’re under 18 DO NOT read this fic!

A/N: This fic is beta’d by @kazsrm67 Thanks so much love! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! I hope you all enjoy this ride with me!

My Mastlist Series Masterlist

Four days, that’s how long she had been living in this nightmare. Four. Days.

As far as Y/N could tell, there was some change in Dean visibly. The swelling in his face had subsided some, but it was hard to tell just how much through the tube that was shoved down his throat. The doctors that came and went every day told her that each day he survives is one day closer to him being ‘out of the woods.’ To her, it all felt like one long, drawn out hell; in fact, she had lost track of how many days they had been there until she looked at her phone that morning.

So far, there was no sign of infection with the regular examinations and blood work that were done several times a day on him. They were starting to slowly decrease the vent so that he could start trying to breathe on his own, they were two days into that venture, and so far he was doing great. In fact, they were talking about being able to take him off of it completely that day. At least, that was the hope. They were saying that since he remained stable, and might come off of the vint completely that day, that it might be time to wake him up. Which brought on a whole new level of anxiety and fear that came with what might happen when he actually woke up, because really, things weren’t going to get hard for Dean himself until he was awake, and realized just how badly he was hurt. She knew that.

True to his word, Sam had shown up two days after the night Dean had arrived, and he’d gone to fetch Miracle and Eileen. They were both staying at a hotel in town until Sam was able to find a suitable apartment for Dean to stay in while he recovered at home when the time came. Even though that wouldn’t happen for a long time, he did want everything to be ready and established. He was looking for one that was preferably close to the hospital; one that was handicap accessible, just in case.

It was a reality that wasn’t easy for anyone to think about, but what choice did anyone have? Dean would need help for a long time, even with simple tasks, even if he could walk some on his own once he was released.

What was even more discouraging, was the fact that Dean himself knew none of this, seeing as he was still unconscious. Y/N also had a suspicion that Sam was busying himself with all that apartment hunting and what not to distract himself, because she wasn’t blind. Sam hated seeing Dean like this, and would often avoid looking at him lying there in that bed when it was visiting hours, and he would come.

Y/N hadn’t left the hospital not once since the night they got there, and she had no plans on leaving until she had Dean with her, or Dean asked her to leave. Sam had brought her some clothing and things he thought she’d need before he left town; leaving them in Baby for her to go down and retrieve in between visits. Aside from that, she’d stayed right there by his side when they’d let her, playing with his hair, talking to him, even playing his favorite music quietly on her phone for him; just so maybe, just maybe, he’d have a sense that someone was there with him and that he wasn’t alone.

Today however was the biggest day so far. Today was the day that they were going to start slowly decreasing the medication that was keeping him in a coma, hopefully waking him up soon. Normally they would just stop the drip and allow him to wake up on his own, but they wanted to wake him up slowly, as well as possibly removing the vent completely in the process of that. It was a small light at the end of a very long, and extremely dark tunnel, but she’d take it. Even if he did have a delay in waking up, at least she knew that they were trying to get him around, and that was one step closer to hopefully getting him into his own room, where once there she wouldn’t have to leave his side. That is, if he allowed her to stay with him at all.

“Have they let you see him yet this morning,” Sam questioned as he suddenly appeared in the doorway, breathlessly.

“No, not yet. Did you run here?” she asked as he flopped down in the chair across the room with an almighty huff.

“No, the fucking elevator is out. I had to go up several flights of stairs. There’s no AC in there.”

“Oh,” Y/N replied, making a mental note to not go down to Baby until they had that shit fixed.

“What did the doctor say this morning,” he pressed, and Y/N took a deep breath, readying herself for the whole reason she called him and told him he might want to come in for a while today earlier than he normally did.

“He said Dean’s doing excellent, better than they thought he’d be doing in only four days, even if we physically can’t see much change ourselves. He’s practically breathing on his own, so they’re most likely going to try and remove the vent today, and they’re starting to take him slowly off the medication that’s keeping him in a comatose state. So, it’s possible that he could wake up at any time now. They started decreasing the medication this morning, sometime around 4 am. Basically, they’re going to let it run completely out, and see what happens and if he will wake up on his own. I really don’t know what we’re walking into this morning, but they are gonna be here to get us any minute now to bring us back to see him. The doctor told me I might be able to sit with him longer this morning, especially if he’s already showing signs of consciousness.”

“They’re waking him up already?” Sam blurted out with a concerned stare. “What about his pain level?”

“Well, that’s the thing. They need to wake him up as soon as possible. For one, to get him completely off the vent so as to lessen the chance of pneumonia and other infections, and two, to start trying to get his pain managed so that they can move him down a few floors to his own room. Either way, doc thinks it’s time to wake up, so that’s what they’re gonna try and do.”

Sam swallowed thickly, and ran a large hand through his hair. “Fuck, they had said a week at first, so I mean, it’s a good thing they’re waking him up, but now –”

“ – Comes the hard part, that’s what I was thinking.”

A heavy silence fell into the small room, one that you could cut with a butter knife, one that was deafening, and Y/N cleared her throat to force the knot down that had suddenly formed there at the thought lingering in the back of her mind.

“There’s a chance, a big chance, that Dean might want me to leave, Sam.”

She wasn’t joking either; she had been thinking about it a lot, and honestly, it made her chest tighten uncomfortably every time she thought about it. She’d had a lot of time to think about things while sitting there alone in the hospital with Dean, holding his hand, reading to him, playing with his hair, talking to him; and there was one thing she knew for sure that she hadn’t realized until this point. That little ‘crush’ she had on the handsome older Winchester, it was more than just a crush.

She didn’t know how it happened, or when it happened, but her feelings for the man ran a lot deeper than even she knew. Now, there was a chance he’d wake up, and be ready to be rid of her. Especially with the amount of stress he was going to be under. He might not want her around. He never really did before, no matter what Sam said she didn’t really believe him, and she couldn’t help that. Seeing is believing, and Dean had not done much up until that point to show her he was even aware she was there most of the time.

“No way,” Sam insisted with a stern shake of his head. ”He’s not going to want you to go anywhere Y/N/N. He’s gonna need all the support he can get to get past this. It’s gonna be hell for him. He’s never been hurt this bad and lived or had to stay that way. This is a whole new territory that Dean’s never faced before, and he’s gonna need you.”

“And what if he doesn’t want me around Sam, I mean, I know what you said, but I have a hard time believing it myself. Because all I’ve ever been to Dean is invisible, nothing, another hunter at best. He walked around me on this last hunt like I wasn’t even there!”

“That's just Dean,” Sam tried. “He pushes people away that he cares about, because he’s afraid if he gets close to someone, they will get ripped away from him. But Dean, he was gonna– You know what, I’m not gonna ruin it for him, it’s best you hear it from him. I’ll just say he had plans for after this hunt, and he was avoiding you because he was afraid.”

“Plans? What do you mean pla–”

“Y/N, if you and Sam are ready, you can come on back now,” a voice interrupted, and she looked up to see Rayne standing in the doorway of the family waiting room.

Y/N wanted to drag out of Sam what Dean’s plans had been, and what his cryptic words had meant, but she wanted to see Dean more; so she nodded and stood to her feet, with Sam close behind her to make the now familiar walk to the ICU room that held Dean.

“Has he shown signs of waking up?” Y/N questioned, and Rayne turned to face her with a smile.

“He’s showing signs of an increase in consciousness. He squeezed my hand just a few seconds ago, and that’s when I decided it was time to go and get you. Also, the doctor is in there now, he’s about to take out the vent. He’s breathing on his own now; so there’s no need for it anymore, which is great.”

Y/N nodded as her heart pounded hard in her chest. He was waking up. Dean was waking up!

Sam placed a heavy hand on her shoulder as she moved forward, and honestly she was thankful for it, because she didn’t know if her feet could keep moving at this point if he hadn’t. There were so many mixed emotions that she could barely stand it. If it were not for the constant pressure pushing her forward, she probably wouldn’t have moved at all.

The closer they got to his curtain, she could hear the doctor’s talking, and before they got to it, Dr. Martin, as well as Dr. Gatlin, and a few other nurses stepped outside of it: Dr. Martin closed the curtain behind him with a smile on his face.

“Vent’s out!” He announced excitedly as the trio approached him, and Y/N breathed a visible sigh of relief. She hated the sick way that tube looked hanging out of his mouth. “He’s also run completely out of the drip, so he should be waking up shortly. Now, it could take a few hours for him to become fully conscious, so just hang here with him, that way when he wakes up he will see a familiar face. Once he’s up and keeping food down, his pain is under control, we can move you to a private room to continue to monitor his recovery. The man is a literal miracle. I didn’t expect him to improve this much already. Dean’s a fighter, and he just might walk out of this.”

“How long do you think it will take him to wake up now?” Sam asked, and the doctor directed his attention to him.

“Five minutes from now, five hours from now, tomorrow, it’s really up to Dean. I can tell you this, he’s already showing signs of consciousness; reaction to touch, squeezing hands, he coughed on his own when I pulled the vent out. I don’t think it will take him long to come around. The nurses are close by watching, and as soon as he does, he might be in some pain. We’ve already given him some pain medication, but he might have to be re-dosed as he becomes more conscious. Also, he might be a little agitated or confused, all of which is normal. Just reassure him, and let him take it in at his pace.”

With a nod, the doctor side stepped them both, instructing Rayne to let him know when he wakes up before she opened the curtain to a still pale, but virtually normal looking Dean, with thankfully, only oxygen on his nose, and not coming through his mouth directly into his lungs. His chest rose and fell at a normal resting pace, not a forced one like it had been for four days. For the first time, she felt like they were making visible progress as she made her way over to her designated spot next to his bed.

As soon as Y/N wrapped her hand around his, his grip tightened around it reflexively, and she looked up at Sam with wide eyes.

“Dean,” he tried, giving her a questioning look. Rayne hovered ever close by, just out of sight just in case he did wake up. “You gonna wake up for us man?”

Slowly, Dean’s eyes opened, unfocused, and still sleep and drug glazed, but they closed almost just as quickly. Y/N’s heart rate picked up as she and Sam stared at one another before they both looked back at the nurse, and she just smiled and nodded at them, as she moved closer to the monitors to watch them.

In a fit of bravery, Y/N reached out and ran her hand through his hair, and to her surprise he turned his head towards her touch and opened his eyes again, this time a little more focused than before, before he closed them again.

“He’s coming around,” Rayne announced, “His heart rate has picked up from a resting pace, and he’s responding more.”

Dean’s eyes continued to open and close as Y/N ran her fingers through his hair blinking slowly; his grip kept tightening on her hand. Sam placed a hand on his leg, and he didn’t respond to it, which caused a deep drop in the pit of her stomach, a reminder that there still might be paralysis there; that was not something she was looking forward to Dean waking up to.

The blood pressure cuff started to fill up with air on his right arm; Dean coughed, flinching slightly as his eyes opened again, this time they were clearer and more alert as he looked for the source of the pressure on his arm.

Y/N and Sam both stood from their respective seats, and Rayne came closer, before pressing the pager on her side to alert the doctor.

“Dean? Hey man? Welcome back,” Sam said, and Dean’s eyes traveled up to his baby brother before turning to stare at Y/N and Rayne momentarily. Clearly he was confused as he took in his surroundings, as was expected, but even though he saw Y/N, and knew she was the one holding his hand, his grip only tightened further, and he didn’t let her go as expected.

Dean turned his gaze back on his baby brother, his mouth moving but nothing really audible coming out at first other than a cough and a deep intake of breath through his teeth as the pain started to make its way into his subconscious; his teeth sank deep into his lower lips as he tried to breathe against the pain he was feeling, and make sense of what surely was a sensory overload.

“Easy Dean,” (Y/N) told him, “It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay. You’re safe. You’re in the hospital.”

“I’m going to go grab the doctor, he may not have heard my page, as soon as he gets here I’ll see about getting you some water,” Rayne said, and Dean nodded as he watched her leave.

Dean’s death grip on Y/N’s hand never faltered, and honestly, she was so relieved that she wanted to cry. He was awake, he was breathing, and so far he hadn’t told her to leave him alone.

As soon as Rayne was out of sight Dean turned his gaze to his baby brother again, face harder than stone, and uttered the words that he’d tried to say as soon as his eyes opened, “What did you do? I should be dead, what did you do Sam?”

“Nothing Dean, I swear,” Sam tried, but Dean just shut his eyes tight and grunted against the pain.

Of course, Dean thought Sam had sold his soul to get him back. However, he didn’t seem to be able to care as the gravity of his situation was seeping into his mind; his own consciousness barely gathering any faster than the epiphany that this was bad. Oh, so very bad. He may have cheated Death, but would he now have to face some things that were worse than Death?

Forever:

@demongirl1996

@as-lost-as-sams-shoe

@jensenslady79

@wittysunflower

@spnwoman

@stoneyggirl2

@unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men

@stixnstripesworld

@fullwattpadmusictree

@nancymcl

@christycreature

@whiskey-infused-dreams

@supernatural79impala

@deandreamernp

@forgetthisbull

@miraclesoflove

@slamminmine

@deanwanddamons

@rvgrsbrns

@chevyharvelle

@i-love-superhero-movies

@lyss-dw79

@magssteenkamp

@lemondropirwin

@squirrelnotsam

@hobby27

@spnbaby-67

@mrsjenniferwinchester

@defenderrosetyler

@thecreatiivecorner

@vicmc624

@busy-bee-angel-misska

@justanotherwinchester

@brilovesdeanwinchester

@idksupernatural

@lyarr24

@emoryhemsworth

@dean-winchesters-gardian-angel

@flamencodiva

@itmejado

@supernatural3002

@teresa-67

@thoughts-and-funnies

@hearteyes-j2

@peaches007

@bobbie3939

@vulgar-library

@writercole

@fairlyspnfanfic

@sexyvixen7

@spngi

@b3autyfuldisast3r

@donnaintx

@maliburenee

@the-family-business67

@agirlwithdemonblood

@captainsoldiergirl

@twinkleinadiamondsky

Jensen and Dean’s Babes

@deans-baby-momma

@impalaslytherin

@perpetualabsurdity

@msmarvelouswinchester

@akshi8278

@love-jackles

@irmcpar

@pink-sparkly-witch

@siospins2

@herstarburststories

@mimaria420

@deanwinchesterswitch

@charred-angelwings

@pascal-rascal424

@myloversgone

@fortheloveof-jackles

@eevvvaa

@bts-spnlvr12

@jxackles

@lassie-bird

@samsgirl93

@shawnie74

@kaz11283

@mlovesstories

#Carry On #Dean Winchester Series #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean x reader #dean x you #hurt!dean winchester #hurt!dean winchester x reader #hurt!dean winchester x you #dean winchester x y/n #dean x y/n #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #spn series #jawritter #jensen ackles

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dragonmuse · 1 year

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I’ve debated writing about this on tumblr a bunch of times, but I think new year, new even more open me. And if this can help even one other person not live with this bullshit than I want to do it.

CW: Birth control talk, menstruation talk, libido talk.

I got off birth control this past summer. I’d been on it for over a decade and I was worried it was adding to a rise in my blood pressure. My husband got a vasectomy since we agreed we’re done having kids, happy with the one thanks so much.

It changed my life. Listen, I love birth control, I would give it out like candy on the streets. But nobody ever told me it could fuck with your libido. I had done a previous many year stint on it with no issue, but I was also very young.

The second time around things changed. And I didn’t even know it was the goddamn birth control. For eight years, my libido flatlined. I had very little interest in sex, was sometimes sex-repulsed. I stopped writing smut entirely, something that had once been fairly prevalent in my work. I felt sad about it all the time. I mourned the loss, I cried in bed. My husband and I had hundreds of understanding and loving conversations about it (he was amazing about it and was willing to try whatever I was willing to try). I talked to three different ob/gyns who were like ‘uhhh no idea, maybe see a sex specialist? There’s none in our area really and insurance won’t cover it but....’ because no one values vulva-havers sexual experiences. I was 32 the first time I told a doctor about this and he asked me zero follow up questions. The most helpful of the three recommended a long lasting lubrication that post-menopausal people use. That was it. That was the sum total of the help I got. EIGHT YEARS.

So I got off the pill for my blood pressure. Two weeks later, I was hornier than I had been in years. I prayed with everything I had that it wasn’t an anomaly. I wept literal tears for awhile every time it continued to be good. Every time I wanted to enjoy some private time. Every time I wrote sex because it was fun and felt fun to write!

It’s been six months and yeah, I get horrible cramping bloody mess periods again, but I also love sex again! It’s great! It’s so much fun and messy and intimate and I actually go looking for it instead of grimly plotting it out on calendar because if I went too many days between it would hurt more the next time.

To be clear, I still very much consider myself demisexual because that is how I have always rolled. I don’t think anyone should suggest getting off birth control to someone because of how they identify, fuck off with that shit. But if you used to have a libido and now you do not and somewhere in there you started a hormone based pill, it might be worth trying a different kind!

#birth control #reproductive health #sex health #sex education

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nospoonsbutknives · 1 year

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Since I’m still not supposed to work, clean, or do anything but resting (well and walking gently) after my diagnostic laparoscopy, I am being driven nuts with boredom. So I started speculating about what condition I might have if I don’t have endometriosis, and since they didn’t remove anything I’m thinking pathology will come back negative (although something happened, there was scarring). One of the few possibilities left is fibromyalgia, and I have convinced myself this is what I have😂

We’ve ruled out structural issues (according to two neurosurgeons I have a beautiful spine), my brain looks clear, I’ve had MRIs up and down the spine and hips, I’ve had an EMG, I went to the Mayo Clinic, I’ve had different blood tests done … I think rheumatology is the only thing we haven’t pursued. So many doctor and hospital visits😭

And when we first started searching I wouldn’t have guessed fibro or endo. I had what felt like an explosion of pain near my tailbone which then radiated down my left leg. We thought something with my spine for sure. It never went away, and overtime it’s changed … a flare for me feels like having the flu all over with pain and inflammation. I get muscle spasms and twitches, pain in other areas (although the low back and left leg still have the higher pain score), brain fog, chronic fatigue, headaches … and I can’t walk unassisted, I use either a cane or I’m in a wheelchair. And every test comes back fine😂

I’m writing this all down because I don’t do a good job of tracking my symptoms. I undersell how much everything hurts or impacts me … I just want to be able to hike again, to prepare yummy food, go places with my kids, be able to think clearly … but here we are, three years into this chronic pain journey, still pursuing a diagnosis 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you read this far, excuse my word salad😂 I don’t want to bum people I know out, and I do try not to speculate or fixate on possible conditions. Just kind of spilled out today.

#chronic disability #chronic pain #chronic illness #fibromyalgia #endometriosis #spoonie life

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tjswritingstuff · 2 months

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March has ended!

It was a pretty good month.

While most of the writing I did was for class my total word count for the month was 11080 words.

I finished reading three books this month:

George Orwell’s Animal Farm

Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaids Tale

Toni Morrison’s Beloved

Two of the books that I finished were for class. I’m currently reading five other books; my current reading list has never grown this fast in my life. I started paying attention to the days read counter on my kindle app. I read (in the app) 18 out of 31 days.

I only went to the gym 3 times this month, I had a surgery on March 12th, and it limits what I’m allowed to lift. While that doesn’t affect everything that I could be doing at the gym I know myself well enough to know that I would break the rules just a little and end up hurting myself.

I did end up in the hospital. After my surgery I was prescribed Hydrocodone and Acetaminophen. Turns out that I am allergic to Hydro’s. The general response to that discovery has been, “have you really never taken them before?” I did. About 20 years ago…and I ended up in the hospital then. About 20 years ago I was bitten by a brown recluse spider and had a nasty spot come up on my arm, my doctor prescribed me some pain killer I took it according to orders and ended up passing out. My ex-husband took me to the hospital, where they immediately acted like I had overdosed and wasn’t taking it correctly. When I insisted that I was they did some blood work and then told me that my potassium levels had completely bottomed out. I believed for many years that was the reason that I had ended up in the hospital. The hospital put into my chart that I’m allergic to hydrocodone. But they didn’t TELL me that. Since all my doctors that would prescribe painkillers are linked in the same hospital network, they all have access to that information. No one ever prescribed me it, and I honestly don’t like taking stuff anyway. If Tylenol works just fine, why take anything stronger?

I went to get an augmentation surgery through a doctor that is not linked to that network. He asked about allergies. I didn’t know of any. My pain meds were prescribed 2 every 6 hours for pain. I was taking 1 every 8-ish hours depending on how I felt. My liver started shutting down. I discovered this after about a week when I woke up throwing up. I was bloated. At my post op checkup, I was told that swelling is a normal side effect of the surgery. Did you know that swelling is a side effect of liver failure? I do now. My kid’s dad found me half conscious on the bathroom floor and when I tried to stand up, I was shaking too much to walk.

Guess who got to spend a night in the Emergency Room hooked to an IV. I guess the good news is it happened during spring break, so I didn’t have to worry about getting homework done.

My lowest grade is an 82%. While I am a little disappointed with myself for not hitting Straight A’s this semester, I’m not going to complain too much. Currently my grades are:

Astronomy – 87.86

Astronomy Lab – 87.65

Creative Writing – 96.84

Transatlantic Lit ’45- Present – 82.81

History of American Peoples – 87.32

World Lit Beginnings – 650 CE – 94.14

My goals for April are:

Write 15,000 Words

Read 5 Books

Maintain Grades

Gym 2x’s Week (when I’m cleared to go back)

Draw more.

I feel like my life is moving in the right direction, I have some things that I still need to work out, but I feel like I’m starting to figure things out.

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scandinavianfairytale · 2 years

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Build this home - Him

Part 1

Pairing: Rick Flag x Reader

Warnings: Near death experience, army things, dying, injuries, fighting, slight existential crisis 😅

Link to the series Masterpost 😊

There have been countless of times when Colonel Rick Flag almost lost his life. There was that time in Afghanistan when the grenade exploded right next to him and in Libya, where he was taken hostage and was about to get executed when his team found him and rescued him. And when he was almost shot by friendly fire in Bosnia.

He was never scared or worried. It was like he knew in his heart of hearts that he wasn't going to die.

But today was different. He pulled the metal pipe out of his abdomen and he saw the blood starting to soak his shirt and the man in front of him stood up so quickly, as if the whole building didn't just colapse on both of them. Rick knew he had to move and he stood up just in time to evade the punch aimed at his face. Both soldiers were without proper weapons and he knew that it'll come down to endurance - how many punches will they be able to take. He was thrown around like he weighted nothing, his opponent was apparently much stronger and Rick was slowly losing his resolve with each punch he took. He was so tired.

Of the missions.

Of all the orders.

Not knowing the big picture.

Not having a stable life.

As his head hit the stone wall and his vision blurred and his strength to stand up again dissipated, he thought back on his life. What was his legacy? How many bridges did he burn? And for what? For his career? The same one that was now slowly leading him towards the edge of the cliff.

I wish I did things differently. Was the last thought that went through his head as he lost consciousness.

He woke up in a hospital. The room was too bright and everything hurt.

"Colonel Flag, you're finally awake." The nurse noticed his open eyes. She immediately called the doctor and the woman performed a quick exam, before she called his superior and told him how he's been healing.

"It's a miracle you're alive, Colonel." The doctor told him. "You were pronounced dead on the spot, but you woke up as the medic was zipping up the bag. You scared that boy half to death." She observed him as she spoke. Rick let out a short snort and immediately regretted it as the stabbing pain reminded him that everything was still tender if not broken.

"What kept you alive?" She asked.

"I guess I'm just not done living." He guessed. He wasn't sure himself. Though he assumed it could've been regret that kept him alive. Or a want for more.

"You're still healing. It'll take some time before you'll be able to go back to work. And even then I'll make sure you're put on desk duty until you are completely healed." The doctor smiled and patted his shoulder before walking out.

His superior arrived shortly after. He was happier than Rick himself by the fact that he was alive. There were missions and soldiers waiting for Colonel Flag to be healed.

As Rick listened to his superior, his mind started to drift. He died and came back to life to what? Continue down this path?

"Colonel, do you agree?" The stern voice cut through Rick's train of thoughts.

"Sir." Rick briefly nodded, before the man saluted and wished him a speedy recovery. Rick reached for his phone and started opening apps on his phone.

It was 2022 but he spent more time on the battlefield than in the modern world, so he turned to what was the last thing he actually still knew - chatrooms. He searched for a topic he wanted to discuss but he didn't find any so he typed it himself.

Is this all there is?

Thank you for reading! 😊💙

The GIF doesn't belong to me, belongs to the talented creator 🙏😊

I started a new series 🙌😅 so let's see how it'll turn out 🙈🤞

#joel kinnaman #rick flag #rick flag x reader #rick flag imagine #build this home #him #fanfic #series #suicide squad

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vikings-til-valhalla · 5 months

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I'm sorry I haven't updated this blog on the situation with my mom in almost 2 weeks.

Long story short, it's gotten worse. In every way.

I think I said last time that mom was sent home New Year's Eve, and that was where I'd left off. Well... the next day, New Year's Day, everyone woke up and we gathered together to open presents from Christmas. As we did, mom couldn't lift anything beyond a glass of water. And even then, it was a struggle. She could barely breathe, and kept complaining about her shoulder hurting. She kept using her inhaler. Too much. 3x in a day and you're supposed to go to the hospital. And she'd used it 3x in an hour.

I tried to convince her, and my father, to go to the hospital. But my father doesn't believe in any doctors ever, and argued there was nothing anyone at the hospital could do except tell mom to set up a cardiologist appointment, and that cardiologist will take care of this. I was absolutely livid, seeing as my father always refuses to admit he's wrong or even hear he's wrong. I told him the hospital could inject painkillers, and do X-rays, and give her the IV she clearly needed. And still, father wouldn't listen. I, angry, went to my room and fell asleep for many hours.

At 9pm I was woken up to a knock at my door. Father said he was taking mom back to the hospital. Finally. I said ok, and fell back asleep.

I woke back up again at 2:30am. I checked my phone, and realized a mass text had been sent to everyone, extended family and immediate. It said everything. All of it. The cardiologist who'd done the first surgeries, he drove in immediately. He ordered painkiller injections, and X-rays. Just like I'd said the hospital would do. Minutes later, Mom had stopped breathing, and couldn't talk. She was in a panic. Doctors sedated her, and instantly airlifted her by helicopter to the original hospital where she'd gotten her first surgeries. Examining the X-rays, they learned mom had fluid all around her heart, and multiple blood clots in her lungs. Immediately, the surgeons got her into a room and began yet another surgery.

9 clots were removed from her lungs. Mesh had been placed inside her lungs to prevent any other clots from reaching them again, which would kill her if they did. The fluid was removed from around her heart. But she remained under sedation, and to be honest, from the sound and urgency of the texts, I thought I'd surely lost my mom. I don't remember if I slept anymore after that, I don't remember anything else except for the next text I received at around 9:30pm the next night. Father was on his way home. Mom was still sedated, I think, maybe she wasn't, I don't remember. But after over 24 hours waiting, I'd seen a message saying she was at least stable.

The next days were a blur. Mom woke up at some point, and had lost all recollection of being brought home for 2 days, and had no idea where she was or how she got there. Whereas I'd been doing video calls with Mom every day since her first admittance to when she got home, I hadn't heard her voice or seen her face in days. All I had was the word of my father, who kept me updated on how she was doing.

I worked 1 day that week. And when I got in and checked the schedules for the upcoming weeks, I saw I had been cut back to just Saturday work. Despite the fact that I gave full time availability, and dropped out of college to work more, I'd gotten a kick in the ass. And that exact same day, a giant bill went through, overdrafting my only bank account by $140. I was worse than broke, and with no way to pay off the debt with working one job that utterly betrayed me.

The next day, I saw my mom at the hospital. For the first time in... a while, I'd seen her face. And she was doing alright. She said she was better than she'd been feeling. She had another giant blood clot that formed in her leg, and so she couldn't walk. Additionally, she was on oxygen, and given Albuterol treatments 5-7 times a day every day. We cracked tons of jokes to the point even the nurse was laughing, and we talked a lot. Then, when she was tired, my siblings, father, and I, all drove home. I was starving. I realized I hadn't been eating much. One meal a day. Every day. For... I'm not sure how long.

Father ordered pizza, and I scarfed down two slices like my life depended on it. I was about to go for more, but everything that was ordered was eaten between the 4 of us. And I went to my room, hungry. After father went to bed, I checked the fridge for something. Anything. I found nothing beyond some molded cheeses, and a partially stale roll. No slices of bread. So, hungry and tired, I found shredded cheese in a bag, slapped it on the roll, and threw it in the microwave a few seconds. I scarfed it down. Then, I went to bed.

I woke up shaking and weary the next day. I looked for something, anything to cook, but all I had was breakfast foods, and some vegetables. None of the basics. No proteins. I think I made a grilled cheese with what remained, but that was all I ate that day. Everyone else in the house had money, and plenty of it, and they were buying meals daily, or groceries that only they were allowed to eat and wouldn't share with anyone. They went out with friends all day, or ordered in, and father spent all his time at the hospital with Mom. So, I was alone. Broker than broke. With no food. And no way to get food. If I asked anyone in my house, I'd have to pay them back. And I'll be damn lucky to pay off the $140 I owe the bank with this paycheck that's coming.

I considered going to my friend's parents for the night, and asking if they'd feed me by some miracle. But, ashamed, I didn't go. I cried myself to sleep, hungry, weak, and made an executive decision for myself: I'd, for the first time in my life, go to the food pantry, and see what I could get my hands on. Bring that to my room when nobody was looking so I wouldn't be judged or asked questions, and keep it hidden. I fell back asleep until the pantry opened, and, checking my phone as always, found that some kind stranger sent me money for food. I cried again.

That moment, desperate for anything protein to eat, I ordered chicken and cheese to be delivered to the house. I ate it all in one sitting, starving up until that moment. Then, for dinner, I got a pizza and giant cookie, which I split across two days.

Today, I got a call from my mom for the first time since I saw her in the hospital. She was on and off with health. Her legs are probably going to be bound tomorrow. She's still on oxygen, and there's a chance, when she comes home, she'll remain on it via a tank. Nobody is sure yet... And I'm scared.

She, at the latest, was supposed to come home today. But, like every day, the doctors extended her stay for another 3-4 more days at least. But in my heart, I know it'll be far more than that. 3 weeks overall since the first surgery. And things have just kept going to shit.

Today, I ate 2 bowls of pasta, which was at least 1lb of pasta. I also ate the last of my cookie. The remaining pasta will sustain me another day or two. But after that, seeing as I didn't go to the pantry, I don't know what I'm going to do. All I can do is hope that mom is back by then, and then I can ask for her money to go shopping for groceries with.

My friend returns tomorrow, after weeks away. 3 weeks I believe. I've lost track of time and how much has passed. I just know that I work again on Saturday, and that today, I'm meeting with my friend to talk after weeks apart. And, maybe, if I get the courage, I'll ask if she can buy me a bag of chips or something to help me out. If not, I understand, no big deal. But I'm scared shitless.

Things look bleak for me. When I gave everything to my job, it took everything from me without notice, at the worst possible time. I'm alone, on my own, until further notice. Until mom returns. Until I can land a new job that, maybe, just possibly, gives me more time. I'm not sure, though. I'm not sure about anything... I'm truly at my lowest. But I keep going, anyway, for the simple hope that it'll be better tomorrow than it was today. And someday that'll become reality. Like everything else, I'm not sure when that'll be. But I'll keep going, anyway. Through debt, hunger, and worse.

#mun is a viking #food #tw hunger #tw medical

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betzabobababi · 2 years

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Broken Tom Holland x Reader

Chapter 3: Diagnosis

jtlyk there are gonna have a flashback through out the story :)

Warning: swearing

Plot: Y/n and Tom were made for each other and have been married for nearly 10 years but what happens when they go through putrid rough patch?

Summary: Y/n goes to the doctor (flashback)

AUTHOR'S POV

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have spoken to you like that" you said trying to calm your nerves from your sudden outburst, but he was making this so fucking hard. You had absolutely every right to be livid at him, he made you move from your comfortable lodge to the apartment near the studio. It wasn't bad but the fact that you spent almost all of the 3 months alone, isolated, made your blood boil, especially in your condition.

"No. No your right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you feel this way. I'm sorry that you are alone and I'm sorry that I spend way too much time at work. I'm sorry for everything. If I could go back in time and redo everything I would. But we can't. So from now on I will try my best to be at home. I'll try my best to treat you like the queen you are. Because you are my queen."

You were stunned. You didn't know how Tom would react but you definitely didn't expect him to react like...that. Moreover you were happy. You knew that he meant what he said. You knew he would try his best. You also knew that if you told him your secret now, everything would be ruined. But you knew you had to tell him. You knew that this wasn't going to go away anytime soon. This was something serious and the only way to get through this would be if you had Tom there to support you.

*Time skip*

AUTHORS POV

You and Tom went back to the loft happy and content about the progress that you had made with your relationship. Atleast that's what it seemed to him. He didn't know but you were slowly and painfully dying. You were a relatively active person. You had played volleyball in high-school and college. Even though you were very good at the sport you never pursued it as a career. So when you noticed the lack of energy you had, and how it had become painful to do your everyday exercise activities, you instantly knew something was wrong. You brushed it off at the beginning thinking it was the amount of stress you had or the lonleyness, but after a few days of not being able to move due to how swollen your knees and ankles were, you booked a doctors appointment. You had many tests done and even had a few MRI's done.

FLASHBACK

Y/N'S POV

I was sitting in the doctor's office, highly nervous and it was clearly visible. Despite the pain, my knees kept bounding up and down. I was worried, I didn't know what was going to happen. The one person I really needed right now was at work. Tom. It had always been Tom. He was there when I got the phone call from the hospital, saying that my mom was in the hospital. As soon as I had gotten that phone call I broke down. Tom was there for me. He was there for me when my mom died. He was there for me after my dad committed suicide. But where was he now? He sure as hell wasn't here. My doctor entered the room with a gloomy and disappointment expression.

AUTHORS POV

The doctor sighed, disappointed in the results of the MRI.

"Mrs. Holland, I'm sorry but the MRI has shown you have a cancerous tumor in your bone marrow. Normally a person who is diagnosed with bone cancer has the life expectancy of five years, but the tumor you have has slowly been progressing throughout your body. I'm surprised we weren't able to notice it before, but you have approximately 9 months left to live. It could be more it could be less, but at the rate your cancer is spreading it will be around 9 months."

Y/N POV

I was speechless. I had just found out that I had a cancerous tumor in my bone marrow. I. Had. Fucking. Cancer.

"Is there a cure?" I said while trying to do a million things in my head. I need to tell tom. I need to tell Nicki and Dom. I need to tell my friends. I have to get the funeral planned. I gotta do this I gotta do that. My brain was going 175 miles per minute.

"Fortunatley there is, we can do chemotherapy or we can do the medical procedures to separate the maintining tumor from your bones. Although the chemotherapy would take longer it is the most efficient. It is costly but your insurance should be able to pay for it. Try not to be stressed during the next fue months. The chemotherapy has a 35% chance of killing all of the cancer. Now as you can see there is a very low probability so I suggest you get your affairs in order just in case it doesn't work" the way the doctor gave me hope and then demolished it with the probability of chemo helping me out was so heartbreaking. I knew that if the cancer did end up killing me I needed to tell Tom but how? He was never home. I need to tell him.

END OF FLASHBACK

AH AH AH tehe please don't hate me this might seem a bit cliche or cringe but nevertheless this chapter was a fucking emotional load. It took me a lot of time to decide what type of cancer Y/n would have but in the end I decided on bone cancer bc my best friend died of bone cancer and I thought why not? Anyways ANY feedback is appreciated!

Have a Good Day or Night Wherever You Are! <3

#tom holland #y/n y/l/n #tom holland x reader #y/n #cancer #bone cancer #diagnosed #chemo #bestfriend #bfff #rest in piece #Tommy baby

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daniellemchaney · 10 months

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Help with medical supplies and bills 🩺🏥

Hello everyone I am Danielle Marie. 30 year old woman fighting a chronic illness every day.

Little Bit of my story:

In November of 2019 my life completely changed with no warning and no sign. I went into the ER after vomiting blood and found out my stomach was dying off. For four years I did so many EGD procedures to help with the bleeding and the process of emptying my stomach, but it did not work. Finally in May of 2020 I had to have a stomach revision surgery. I absolutely needed this surgery to save my life. That surgery ended up making everything worse. I fought infections, bleeds and pain for years. Then in April 2022 I had a total gastrectomy surgery (total stomach removal). This surgery was suppose to help return me to my life… but it didn’t. Since the total gastrectomy and in the last year I’ve been hospitalized every month for days or weeks at a time and sometimes more times during a month due to issues from the surgery. The person I knew in the mirror is now gone, I weigh 88 pounds because I can’t maintain my nutrition with always being sick. I’m skin and bones and live in constant pain. I’ve been under anesthesia 73 times in the last 5 years. In the last year I’ve had 5 major surgeries and 17 EGDs with esophageal stents placed 12 times and Nothing has helped. As of today August 13th 2023, I’m laying in this hospital bed writing all of you lovely people, on permanent care waiting for another surgery. This is my last chance. They are going to completely redo my total gastrectomy. But first I’ll be getting a G tube placed within the next couple days so hopefully I can regain strength for a successful total gastrectomy redo.

In these last few years I’ve acquired so much medical debt and now I’m going to need medical supplies for my G tube for whenever I get to return home. I don’t have the best insurance and can’t work due to always being sick and in the hospital. I’m just looking for some help to get me by until my disability benefits finally hits (been waiting for my benefits since January 2021). Anything you can give, will help me and my parents dramatically. Looking at the list of all the supplies I’ll need to just return home is so stressful. And I hate having to put this financial strain on my parents and support system since they have done so much for me already.

Money will go to:

Medical supplies not covered by insurance

G Tube machine backpack (for leaving the house)

G Tube sanitary supplies and equipment

Bedroom set up for machine and tubing

G Tube Pads for sterilization of the area and comfort

Doctors Bills and anything else I may need down this long road ahead of me.

#chronic illness #stomachlesssurvior #sharing or donating can dramatically hellp #gofundme #everyday is afigght #thank you from the bottom of my heart #Arizona living #couldn’t do this without my parents

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celestialmango · 2 years

Note

yes that one scp sun moon and eclipse helping kids and teens with childhood sorry! X'D

Ah, I think it was just typing to fast and auto correct. It happens, anyway. Kids and teens with childhood trauma. Tw mental and physical childhood traumas, neglect, loss of limbs, injury, gore and death(everything but neglect is because plane crash) timeline is a bit after SCP Glitch and the boys meet.

This is complicated, very complicated. As there are so many types of trauma out there. Let's go through only a couple, PTSD, neglect and accidents like crashes, you know what? Let's make this a tiny bit of a story of it's own though short and not exactly detailed,

a plane crashes on the island the facility is on, the only survivers of it are two siblings one teenager and their child sibling, older sibling has the misfortune of losing a leg. It's safe to say if many of the doctors had their way these kids would be separated and used as test subjects, and they are, test subjects that is, before anyone else can Dr. Fukushima steps in, she has an opertunity to test these kids with Sun and Moon and she's damn well taking it part of the reason Dr. Fukushima wanted to work on the island was because there were no child test subjects.(in canon that is)

As someone who used to be a babysitter in college and grew to love kids that sort of thing would be something she couldn't stand to watch, she knows Sun and Moon are rather gentle with reader and the rest of the team, surely they would be the less fatal choice since the kids were forcibly made d-class.

The two siblings are immediately taken by her, a surprise test to be done. Sun's resting so they'll be testing with Moon, Dr. Fukushima tells Moon that they'll be testing him with kids Moon starts to get mad, but she continues kids that have just through a traumatic plane crash on the island and were made d-class. She'll tell him she had to immediately do a test with him because she believes the two are the safest choice for their first test.

Now Moon find the way she said that a last bit strange, the safest choice? The way her tone got weird when she said first test, almost as if-then Moon gets it, he says nothing, he has a guess of what she may be doing. They're put into Moon's right after, one crying child, and the one teen just looking at him, silently while standing with crutches and shaking with a haunted look while missing a leg.

It's been a long time since he's interacted with teens and kids, much less kids who went through something terrible, he's on a time limit but all the same it feel like plenty of time, he has three hours. The first thing he does is sit down on the ground gently, start trying to make himself less of a threat.

the haunted teen looking like they're now having a panic attack but Moon starts to let a melody play, a lullaby, he uses his hypnosis slightly to make the teen's thoughts a bit fuzzy and help them take deep breaths so they don't hyperventilate and also puts the crying child to sleep.

Teen starts to panic when Moon begins to move closer before words cut through it, "Would you like to talk about it?" Big monster with soothing voice wants to listen to their problems, and honestly the kid wants to talk to someone who's willing to listen. They start to to tear up as they state with a sob "I lost my leg." And they breakdown, Moon moving a hand under them before the they fall from loss of balance.

Teen is now sitting on his hand but he doesn't lift it, he just let them cry into his hand, they sob about how there was so much blood, so many bodies and how they screamed when the heated metal sliced through their leg, the horrible pain, passing out and learning their father didn't survive, he had just won custody, their mother controlling and neglectful, their dad was taking them on vacation. They were going to see their favorite uncle who lived on another continent.

They can't stop seeing it can't stop remembering that moment of the crash, the terror, the agony, not knowing if their father and sibling were okay, they never saw what happened to their father but they keep remembering the broken body of a dead passenger right across from them, they could see their face, those dead eyes staring into their own. They can't sleep they keep remembering and the just want to forget everything.

Moon talks to them, he can't help them with their leg but he could help them sleep without night terrors, kid asks what he is, "a big space creature with a moon for a head, and my name is Moon" kid feeling a little better jokes asking if there's another big space creature called Sun with a Sun for a head.

"that sounds like my brother, he lives nextdoor" Moon says as he points at the wall that goes up and down allowed Sun and moon to interact with each other and their shared human. Teen is stunned. Moon doesn't know if his joke set up was a hit or miss. Awkward silence. Anyways they talk a little more, ones kid runs out of steam kid starts asking questions, like how Moon's body works Moon tells them he has a stomach

"But you don't have a mouth." Moon proceeds open his hidden mouth, a few gooey strands connecting his lips and stick his tongue out. Teen is like "holy shit" Moon continues by mentioning his holding chamber and how he has to choose which on to send the things he swallows to. How humans can easily stay in that chamber for days with no harm.

Teen thinks he said that because he's done it before, Moon admit he has, many times. He let them vent, let them forget and get their attention on something else for a while, now he tells them they need rest and makes them sleep. He keeps them cradled safely and securely in that hand while he turns and scoops up the child that was starting to stir. The child wakes, is silent before their eyes start to water and they let out heart broken sobs, Moon holds them in a way that allows him to rub their back with his thumb.

He lets them cry till they can't anymore and they've begun to cling to his thumb sniffling, the calming melody still coming from within Moon's body. "Would you like to tell me what's wrong?" Child shakes their head, seeing flashes of what happened, "Would you like to go back to sleep?" Child shakes their head again, "Do you just want to be held?" Child nods "ok." Moon says and curled his finger around them loose but secure and brings both siblings to lay against his chest. One hour up.

Another hour and the pair wake, surrounded by what look like swirling galaxies and stars. Then Moon lift his hands off them, he had laid down holding them close to his chest, the siblings both realize this situation is real, the younger child still doesn't want to talk about it, Moon is quiet and let's the siblings talk, the older trying to get their sibling to open up, go back to their cheerful energetic self, they tell them every that Moon told them and manage to get a giggle when they say what Moon's name is and mention he has a brother named Sun.

They converse a whole longer getting the younger child to feel a bit better but soon time runs out.

Moon Goes no and noms when told time with kids is up and to give them back.

Fukushima plays up "oh no, I guess we have to let him keep the kids if we don't want another Monro incident" and Moon can hear the bit of subtle sarcasm she's using, he was right in thinking Fukushima was throwing the kids at him for their own safety.

Sun meets them next sumed up.

Kids are a bit shook from being nommed but Sun's playfulness manages to make them more comfortable, kids learn more about them after basically getting adopted, another room is added to the containment cell but on Moon's side for the sibling, Moon gives them free therapy to deal with thier loss and new situation.

Sun insists on them having creative outlets for their emotions and has them try out different crafts till the pair find some they like them Sun makes sure that he's always going to have the needed materials in stock and keep them entertained.

Eventual eclipse meeting but I haven't figured out how that would go yet.

Going to add this extra,

When Glitch comes in for his next text with Sun and Moon he just stares at the teen for a while then decides chaos is in order, asks the teen if wants a cool prosthetic.

Teen, missing being able to walk and not knowing any better says yes, they get a hightech prosthetic leg made by Glitch, what's the cool part that makes it chaotic? Glitch tells them exactly what he put in the leg. A friggin cannon, it's an air cannon that's not extremely powerful though because he knows he'd be in a lot of trouble if he gave them anything else he would be in deeps shit with Sun and Moon.

What type of ammo does it take? Water balloons, balloons filled with paint, glitter, confetti, slime. Harmless things like that, cannon causes messes but can't actually do any damages. Teen is thankful, Glitch is happy the teen likes it.

Becomes very interested when teen uses it to fire pain balloons at a canvas to make abstract art because Glitch didn't even think about how it could be used creatively, just about how many problems it could cause when in the hands of a prankster.

He's impressed that the teen thought of using it for that.

As for the other kid Glitch doesn't really know how to interact with them besides inviting them to play games with him or visit his own cell(which Moon allows) to pet sheep and llamas, kid thinks the painted/dyed sheep are really cool. He interacts with the teen the most. Glitch's human is stunned by his behavior towards the kids, does know what to think because big scary monster is interacting with kids without any hostility or distrust right away unlike how he acted when first meeting the doctor's team.

I still have yet to decide the teen and little kids names and genders.

#mango answers #☢️✴️☢️

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tetsuro-wulf · 2 years

Text

The Wulf's Eye: RP Journal #101 | Grim Chase Begins

Reflecting back on the Mystics Gathering...

We had a lot of attendence, to the point where our entire yard was busy. I was pleased so many came out, and those that volunteered. I ended up giving a good handful of readings before it became late, but the atmosphere itself was lovely. Many curious minds, many open to having their fortune told.. One man stuck out to me. A samurai of the Getsumei Clan. He seemed to have been taking a liking for the supernatural, yet felt conflicted slaying those who are corrupt. I offered him advice through painting the full picture regarding the Balance and what I stand for. He seemed to understand.

The following day, Haruko saw me for a reading-- well, moreso to be guided into his Mind's Eye. I will admit I found myself curious considering the last time we went, we were battling a rogue amalgamation of a Mogui. Though taking him through, well.. what was revealed was Aran'a, as though luring Haruko into a false sense of rekindling, only for a tower to rise and the man who calls himself his blood father sent him to perish. A fear, I detect. A 'gut feeling', later found out. The Mind's Eye of Haruko might be telling him something-- hell, it tells me something.

Don't trust that bastard. I'd hate to say it to his face, but if he had any intention of hurting Haruko after being absent from his life for this long, after everything he's built to heal from his past? I will do what I must, even if it involves baring my fangs like any other enemy.

Recently we have been focused on our mission regarding the disappearences of Keepers within the Shroud. Having fought the Moon herself in a trial, we returned to the Guardian Tree. We were going to ask Menphina herself for guidance but that's when a keeper boy appeared. He seemed startled and booked it, but Youta managed to chase him down and explain we're on his side to seek the fuckers responsible for abducting folk.

The kid complied, I believe his name is Kisai? Very.. thin and frail, as though malnourished. He belonged to some 'master' responsible for this mess, so we asked if he could take us to the entrance of the place Menphina described to be hidden in what I suspected to be illusions. When we arrived, we blasted away an illusion to enter, though ended up inside the mouth of a mimic.. realizing this after Youta and I got our arms stuck to a coffer that held its heart. Hell, the floor even revealed acid. Li shattered the heart and it broke the illusion around us to reveal some.. stone dungeon-esque space. I kept hearing wailing from below. Sure enough, there were spiralled stairs leading us down to another room. Kisai revealed that there was a 'Doctor' who worked with a 'Master'.

And so we ended up face to face with this Doctor. Kisai's sister was there too.. lifeless, chained up to the wall by some.. machine. I gave Youta our teleporting talisman to send the doc to our cells. He revealed the 'Master' has relocated with more hostages upon expecting our arrival. Before he could begin a game of taunts, we sent him to our cells and secured the captured girl, Kisai's sister. After that, tore the machine from the wall to take with us. No other clues in the space.

As much as I'd love to hunt the man down, we have no leads on where he could've relocated to. I intend to interrogate the doctor.. THOROUGHLY. Marce will be studying the machine.. and my boys are tending to the keeper siblings we rescued.

Been a while since I've done some thorough interrogating. . .

11.17.2022

#wulf journal #wulf journals #ffxiv writing

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xx-jazzilla · 2 years

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⚠️ Long emotionally draining post to vent ⚠️

I love my kids and family with every single part of me.... but I cannot help feeling my pregnancy has been stolen from me.

After the miscarried I couldn't think straight or do anything but feel helpless for our loss, for what I lost. With PCOS it already took so long and was so hard to get pregnant that we were nearly a year into discussing and talking about our 2nd baby. When I got a positive test it was so great, and when I sat in a waiting room for 2 hours after my 12 weeks ultrasound I couldn't help but fear the worst happened. When they confirmed it I couldn't even finish the appointment, I pulled over repeatedly on the drive home crying too much to see and went straight to Ben. I spent weeks unable to imagine a worse feeling - until I got a 3rd positive test 7 weeks later and the doctor said they could have missed something because we weren't even sure id had a period.

I spent my 1dt trimester constantly terrified, terrified of another loss and how I couldn't mentally handle it a 2nd time. Then at 12 weeks again I started bleeding... so much blood I was terrified because I didn't bleed last time so something had to be really wrong. I was thankful to hear her heartbeat in the ER but nobody told me why I was bleeding for nearly 2 weeks, I just bled and stressed until they said it was a hemorrhage but we were okay. I still bled for 2 months, and nothing made me feel better until it stopped at 19 weeks.

I got 3 weeks of relief. We were in the 2nd trimester, we were finally "safe". Then at 21 weeks, more blood and discharge and I really thought it was nothing. But it was Saturday so I couldn't go to my doctor, and better safe than sorry. Until it wasn't safe. Again.

I had 3 mm of cervix left, I was "silently dilating" from contractions I just thought were pregnancy pain in my back, and my waters were bulging. The doctors said I had an "insufficient cervix" because incompetent cervix was no longer a nice term. I signed and acknowledged the risks of my D&C and thought that couldn't possibly happen to me. But if I didn't I could die because my body wasn't aware I was miscarrying.

We weren't safe, again. Our children and I were at risk, again. And for the 3rd time in a year I felt entirely helpless as a mom, even though I've worked so freaking hard to be a better parent. To be a consistent mom and DO better than what I knew.

It has been 2 months since then, and I feel like I've lost nearly every joy of pregnancy. I have no friends and family with me, even though they call and text and check in regularly im still thousands of miles from a hug when I'm having a hard day. I can't do things by myself, even though I worked until my water broke with Austin and enjoyed our life together still. I sit, and worry and think about what I've done wrong to be here. About all the people I know that take their kids for granted, that weren't parents and yet how easy it seemed for them and how unfair that is. How stressful every little pain is, especially the last few days of being in constant pain -because I don't know how bad it could end up being.

I'm thankful for Ben, he has taken on everything and more for us. The house, the stress of bills from none of us working, being full time dad and the worry for his daughter. I've never felt so much love, and commitment and like I could count on 1 person so much.

I also appreciate everyone reaching out, and your thoughts and good wishes for our safety. I don't want anyone to think that I do not see all the love we are given and aren't thankful.

But this is draining, I feel like I've lost my pregnancy and myself. Like my body is incapable and I don't understand why this is happening to us. As though I'm alone in so many ways, but can't express that because I "have to be grateful" nd so many people are "praying for us" and I feel so hateful because sometimes I just want to scream IM FREAKING ATHEIST PLEASE HELP ME IN A WAY THATS GEARED TOWARDS ME AND MY HEALING NOT TO APPEASE YOUR OWN EGO.

#incompetent cervix #life and stuff

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allfather-we-stan · 2 years

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A little life update "summer 22 with no solid poo"

for anyone who cares lol

as some of you may have seen from my other social medias and here, my health has gone to pretty downhill and I want to share my story and explain bc idk

And for not to scare anyone, no its im not deadly ill. Im prob gonna be just fine.

gross warning i talk about poop

So umm this all started at the end of may- start of june when i started having diarreah. no biggie, i get anxiety diarreah like once a week so i didnt think much of it at the time. Only took me like few more weeks for straight diarreah to realize that something may be wrong lol. So i joked about it and let it be. I call this summer "Summer 22 with no solid poo" and wanted to wait till august to go to doctor. Then i got covid. So i had to wait that out before going to the hospital.

And finally the day I got to go to the doctor and everything was fine, i was supposed to get blood work tested and maybe poop in a container and the doctor thought that it might be celiac-disease bc that runs in my family. But i got fever straight as i got home. I didn't feel so good. The fever continued for a couple of days and then we decided its time to go to ER.

We went there, got bloodwork done etc. Waited there like 6 hours and finallly at 9pm the doctor had time to see me and turns out my inflammatory values were super high and that theyd like me to stay at the hospital for a while. So i stayed at the hospital for 7 days.

In those 7 days they took so much bloodwork from me it was insane! (and fun fact, turns out my veins are shit and no one can find a good spot to draw blood or put an IV tube in). For a couple of days, no answers. They had no idea whats wrong with me. My fever rise and they gave me antibiotics and other meds. Went to the ultrasound and nothing. And then, they had to give me a observation aka "put a little camera up my ass".

But bc i live in a small city theres like one doctor who does that and his schedule was full. So I had long long days waiting for my appointment. And they got me on friday.

But before we get to the camera up my ass part. Hell was loose. They had to "clean" my bowels. And they told me, and I QOUTE "It's either 1: drink two cups of this cocktail that tastes like orange juice or 2: drink 3 litres of water". Obv i took the orange juice! It cant be that bad! WRONG! JESUS CHRIST I WAS WRONG.

As soon as i drank the bad tasting orange drink, i felt like throwing up. Then the pain came. Oh god the pain. It was like level 10 menstrual cramp kind of pain. I was literally crying and screaming bc it hurt so bad. Only thing that helped at the moment was to stay still but i couldnt do that bc i had to shit out the cocktail like every 5 minutes. Many times i thought to just shit my pants on the bed and not let that be my problem. I was in so much pain I was in panic mode. And the worst thing was, no one warned me. They didn't even mention that it might hurt with some people. I don't remember all bc panic lol but i remember this one bitch ass nurse going "Duh its gonna hurt it has big chemicals in it! Even gas can hurt inside bowels". I would have punched her if I wasnt shitting at the time. Then the nurses took their sweet time to get me painkillers and nausea meds. But I couldnt take those bc i felt like throwing up. And then I remember a doctor came. He was nice and explained to me that it hurts bc the orange juice made my bowels like spasm to clean it. I was like "lol thanks for warning me beforehand". Some time goes, they give me that yummy tranquilizer trough IV and I'm high asf. It still hurt but atleast i was high. Then came the cup number 2! I tried to drink it, immeadetly i threw it up like no way that stayed down. And again, panic bc idk what happens next. Do i need to do this all again? Is my bowel clean? Am i gonna be okay? And then i passed out and slept trough the night.

And at this point, on a serious point. WHY THE FUCK IS TELLING PATIENCE THAT THIS THING X IS GONNA HURT SO FUCKING TABOO??? Like i get it, you dont want to scare people but a little heads up would be better than nothing! I just wish someone had told me.

Okay, morning comes, its friday, camera about to go up my ass. they give me nice tranquilizer again, YUMMY. Im high again. they roll me to the operation room, and the nice nurses and a doctor explains whats gonna happen. ( I knew this was gonna hurt beforehand bc they gave me the tranquilizer and figures). At this point they tell me that going up my ass is the hardest part and hurts but after that its easier. Im like okay i can do this, im high and im a big boy! So there i was, laying on my side, doctor rips hole in my underwear to put the camera up my ass. And there it goes, felt weird. Then this stinging pain comes and i curse. Nice nurse lady notices and presses against my tummy and the pain gets easier. They tell me to take a deep breath everytime the pain eases. I do. I'm breathing so good baby you wouldnt believe ( still fucking high). And that thing happens over and over again for like, maybe 3-4 minutes but felt much longer. Sometimes the pain was larger but the nice nurse always pressed my tummy and i, kind of, farted the pain out? It's weird but you get it. Then i hear the words of heaven "We are there"! THE WORST IS BEHIND. I'm happy! I turn around, look at the screen where i can somehow see ( didnt have my glasses) the inside of my bowel part. And i said "ew" and turned my head back. I dont wanna see that. it was pink. Then the doctor spoke something doctorly that i didnt understand. They spend a minute inside my ass doing... doctor stuff and then they took the camera out. It didnt hurt just felt weird, like taking a weirdly shaped long shit. And then they were like "lol we done! We gonna take these samples to the lab asap!" And I was like "you took samples?". THEY TOOK PIECES OF THE INSIDE OF MY ASS WTF.

okay its done, im still high and after couple of hours, they let me go home. I'm happy. I'm feeling good. Life was good. Untill the next morning.

I felt bad again, I threw up at night and I had a mild fever. We call the ER to ask what we do. They tell me that i havent drank enough liquids. So for the next two days I drank so much water you wont believe but i still felt bad and had a fever. So off to ER again!

We went there, they were like lol again bloodwork. At this point im sure i have no blood left. Then we waited and waited and they take some more blood and wait again. Results come back. My inflammatory values were high again. They again want me to stay at the hospital overnight. Hospital booked full. I wait. And finally its time. They take me to a 2 person room, as a 3rd guy. Like it was so cramped and I didnt even have the emergency button. Everything is overwhelming. It smelled like shit. I cried. it was a horrible experience and i can go all night about how shit it was but ill skip it at this point.

So i spend like two nights at the hospital, and they finally have the results in about the pieces of my ass they took. they dont know what it is. THEY HAVE NO CLUE. But atleast they got me meds that work and i dont have a fever anymore. But its like 5 different meds. They make me nauseous and tired. So its not going that well now but atleast im in a good shape to be at home rn.

Im still waiting for more results and follow-up things at the hospital. I'll update as I get to those. Thanks for reading, feel free to ask any questions and stay healthy lmao.

#so yeah its been like 3 months and i forgot what it feels like to have poop thats not liquid #legomirage rant

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