#I will never be able to eat McDonald's in my life because of how sick and terrified i feel when thinking about the food even the drinks-

[xxlethal-lunaxx]

If anyone relates to this even just a little bit, then I'm so sorry.

#• luna lavinchi speaking • #living with cptsd #cptsd vent #complex ptsd #diet culture trauma #monsters inside me #toxic health culture #ex vegitarian/vegan #emotional flashbacks #health documentaries #dark side of veganism #i should have never been forced to watch these as a child..my mind wasn't ready to understand the information nor tell what was real or not #-i cant try sushi or even think about fish without feeling physically sick and dizzy. i haven't had McDonald's since i was like 6ish years- #-old..i never wanted to share this information but i need to vent. I feel embarrassed and rude for not liking a food chain that most of the #-population does. Smelling or seeing McDonald's makes me wanna puke so bad because of everything those documentaries would say. #I will never be able to eat McDonald's in my life because of how sick and terrified i feel when thinking about the food even the drinks- #-scare the shit out of me. I'm so pissed that I'm triggered. All of the sudden i smell something in the house that smells like McDonald's- #-then the memories come flooding back and i feel like puking so back so i cant even eat dinner. i know this may seem stupid but i am- #-genuinly scared. Im tired of this shit and tired of feeling alone in this. #(anyway sorry. if you read my vent then i appreciate you) #tw food talk #tw diet culture #tw vent in tags #(dont even get me started on parasites cause thats a whole fucking trauma itself. damn it i hate it all. i hate it so much) #(also note: my therapist made me feel so validated weeks ago when i told her during my session that i was traumatized by monsters inside me- #-she literally knew the name of the show before i could even say its name. and she said she also cant watch it and that she saw it as an- #-adult who doesn't have ocd. so she told me she can't even imagine how terrified i was to watch it as a child who was developing ocd.- #-therapist W)

[mitskistevens]

Quick but lengthy rant post.

What happened in Rafah has really changed how I went through my life today. When I was watching the news with my parents, I just wanted to turn the TV off because all the anchors were talking about how great the Super Bowl was and how funny the commercials were. The whole NFL is run by zionists, so of course they would glorify it. Nobody cares that people are dying in Palestine. Nobody cares that there is a literal genocide going on that could wipe out a country and have horrible environmental effects on the planet! Of course!

Well, they did care a tiny bit. There was a 3-4 minute segment they did on updates of the "Israel-Hamas War". Most of that time were talking about Israel dropping strikes and trying to find new points where Hamas could be hiding.

Only less than a minute was dedicated to telling us of the casualties in Rafah. Less than a fucking minute. Take that all in.

At school, I was drained more. All my classmates would talk about is the freaking Super Bowl! All I heard was, "The 49ers should've won!" "That was a long game." "Usher's performance was good, but I wasn't expecting him to strip!"

One of my peers even asked me about how I felt. I could barely keep my composure as I told him my feelings. My head was wanting me to scream, "You should've never even watched it! You're supporting zionists! PEOPLE IN RAFAH ARE DYING!" But trying to prevent myself from breaking down, I didn't say that.

A part of me is jealous of zionists. In fact, that part of me envies them. They are able to consume what they want, watch what they want, support most people they want, etc. They don't have to boycott major brands. They don't have to lose sleep over people they barely know. They don't have to cry at a desk because their friends talk about a football game rather than a literal holocaust.

But then again, the major side of me LOATHES them. Their inability to recognize major human rights mistreatment and get educated, their inability to see and hear Palestinian stories, but only able to focus on some capitalist, greedy governments who only care about destruction and not the people. Even if they learn and join our side, a part of me will still hate the person because of their past. "Love the sinner, hate the sin," my ass.

Yesterday, I did some very zionist things because of my parents. I never thought I would have the guts to admit it, but here I am. My mom and I ate McDonald's. And later that night, we all watched the Super Bowl. I tried to avoid them both, but peer pressure always lured me in, and I was stuck, pretending to love what everyone else does.

Eating the greasy food, watching greedy celebs getting more attention than actual players - scratch that, protestors and actual good people in general - made me sick. And hearing about the massacre in Rafah happening right on the day I let my guard loose? I lost hours of sleep regretting it all.

The main point of this? Might as well be nothing. But I suppose I have one: I hope zionists learn to regret. I want them to get educated on the genocide in Palestine and look back on everything they've done that has supported Israel and America. I want them to ponder their actions, I want them to lose sleep, maybe even shed some tears. I want them to change who they are - be more socially active, turn down zionist requests, make their own power - because of what they see and know.

And then, only then, will I forgive a zionist.

I will never forgive myself for what I did yesterday. And I hope they'll come to think it that way too.

(If you've come this far, thanks for reading. I know it sucks, but I needed to get this anger out. Have a good day, and remember, ALL EYES ON RAFAH. -Kamryn)

#rant post #personal #free palestine #free gaza #fuck israel #fuck zionists #save rafah #all eyes on rafah #justice for hind #israhell #super bowl #mcdonalds

[nickgerlich]

Fries With That Shake

Back in the 1970s when I was coming of age, it was no secret that roughly one in seven young persons had their first job at McDonald’s. It was where you learned personal responsibility, teamwork, hard work, and all the things that would hopefully transform us into respectable adults and pillars of the community.

Although my first job was not at the Golden Arches, I knew people who did indeed cut their career teeth there. I saw them whenever I stopped in for a burger and fries. The funny thing is, those jobs were actually deemed meaningful back then, vital cogs in the wheel that kept America going.

Today, it is still true that one in eight Americans have worked at McDonald’s at least once in their life, although that percentage of first-job honors seems to have fallen from the narrative. It’s still a lot, though.

But change is afoot…societal, economical,  and technological. Those jobs are not what they used to be, and, in fact, are increasingly likely to be staffed by robots. And while I have written about this growing phenomenon in semesters past, it is worthy of update and revision, because the tide keeps coming in.

I am curious to see how restaurant chains will market themselves when they have reduced the human part of the equation so much that dining out is little more than going to a vending machine. In fact, the Automat of the 1950s sought to do just that, but it was way ahead of its time. More recently, though, an automated food trailer opened last August in San Francisco. Maybe now is the time.

Let’s face it. Fast food jobs are not held in high esteem. They typically involve mundane, repetitive tasks that cause people to question their existence. Wages are low, and laborers are in short supply. Fast food joints may truly have no other choice, because Americans still want to eat that food. And as I have said before (as have others), robots never call in sick, argue for more pay, or make the fries inconsistently.

With wages on the increase, by virtue of either law or pressure to be able to hire anyone at all, as well as lofty discussions about living wages and UBI, I can understand why restaurateurs are looking to robots to solve their labor problems. Sure, there are acquisition and installation costs, as well as ongoing fees, but those machines can work 24-hour shifts one after the other, like at White Castle in Chicago.

And so today we see companies using robots from Miso Robotics to flip fries and tortilla chips, while other companies are constructing pizza and sushi makers, as well as drink pourers. If we don’t see what’s going on inside the kitchen, who’s to know that a machine did this, or a human? Does anyone care? And does anyone really know what time it is?

The fact is, the time is 23rd January 2023. Pick your hour. Given all the pressures that fast food management faces, robots are not just a way to dehumanize the workforce. No, they are a way to keep the lights on and the doors open. Fast food workers will never get rich doing those jobs, even store managers. That helps explain why there is so much turnover.

And I am good with it all. While I don’t typically patronize fast food, if I were ever in a food desert and had no choice, I’d be much more keen on a machine preparing my food than a kid who really did not want to be there.

All of which means those McDonald’s stats are going to keep inching downward. Maybe sledding downward. Just don’t forget to put some catsup in the bag.

Dr “Would You Like Fries With That?“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

#marketing #fast food #robotics #automation

[non-un-topo]

College, Car Seats, and Creamy Pasta (ficlet)

(This title, idk.) So I’ve been having feelings lately about the old guard with babies in modern aus, so here’s an experimental, kind of self-indulgent ficlet filled with extreme amounts of softness and bébé feels <3

_______________________________

There’s an infamous story all the way back from college that Joe loves to share which involves Andy drunkenly rolling her ankle on a beach and Joe having to carry her home--though, she could have walked, but Joe demanded to carry her--and fashioning an ice pack out of the only things he could find in his and Nicky’s tiny, decrepit apartment: A condom, and some ice from a small McDonald’s sprite (their freezer was broken when they moved in).

He lives to tell that story every chance he gets. Especially now, as he reaches into Andy and Quỳnh’s (much bigger and much colder) freezer nearly fifteen years later to retrieve a not-homemade ice pack and wrap it in a clean dishtowel for Andy’s poor crotch.

She’s lounging on the couch, even though she’s proven that she can walk, but Joe doesn’t mind, as she reaches back for the ice pack and shoots him a sly smile that says, Yeah, I know exactly which story you’re thinking about. He bats his eyelashes innocently back.

It’s a balmy Friday evening and Quỳnh’s still at work, though likely on her way home, so Joe has taken the liberty of cooking dinner. Andy begged to order a pizza, but Joe was not having it. And he thought himself to be the lax one of the bunch. If Nicky were in the kitchen at the time, it would have been anarchy.

“Thanks, Joe,” Andy says, as she settles into a more comfortable position on the couch with her ice pack, sighing. He adjusts the pillows at her back, which causes her to snort and slap his hand away.

“I’m not dying.”

Joe sniffs. “Yeah, coulda fooled me. How much did that baby weigh again?”

Andy laughs out a quiet, fuck off. “Nine pounds, eight ounces,” she says, quick as a whip.

“God…”

The baby, the reason for Joe and Nicky’s visit to Andy and Quỳnh’s apartment, is fairly chunky, sure, but he looks awfully tiny and pink, especially when he’s wearing his little hat. The hat with little lamb ears that Nicky painstakingly knit for him months ago, when he was barely more than a bump, that rarely leaves his soft little head. Nicky hadn’t even known how to knit at the time.

The baby’s name is Lykon, after a childhood friend of Andy and Quỳnh. Lykon was born at 4:26 AM on Monday. It’s Friday evening. Joe and Nicky have not left the apartment since Andy and Quỳnh brought him home.

And neither Andy nor Quỳnh have physically kicked them out, so Joe is staying right here.

Nicky had disappeared a few minutes ago to go change the baby while Andy napped, but he reappears then, slinking into the living room with Lykon held against his shoulder--he’s so little in Nicky’s hands, they almost swallow him--and Joe smiles at his husband in greeting before doing a double-take.

“Babe,” Joe says, and Andy cranes her neck to try and see Nicky over the back of the couch. “What are you doing?”

Nicky continues his journey across the living room floor--lunges, he’s doing lunges. Deep ones that make Joe’s eyebrows jump up in appreciation.

Nicky releases a finger from his gentle grip on the baby’s head and presses it to his lips. “Shush.”

“You trying to get your ass workout in while carrying my son? Really?” Andy asks.

Nicky’s response is whispered so softly, Joe can hardly hear him. “This is the only way I can get him to sleep.”

“Put him in the car seat,” Andy says, like it’s the most simple solution in the world.

“He likes it,” Nicky argues, still whispering.

Andy only shrugs. “Okay, but if he spits up on you…”

And right on cue, Joe hears a tiny gurgle, and there’s baby puke sliding down Nicky’s back.

Andy doesn’t say, told you so, but she doesn’t need to. Her smug grin is enough. With a poorly hidden pout, Nicky reluctantly hands the baby, who is now crying quiet little wobbly squeals, to Andy.

“You know,” Andy says, “you guys don’t have to stay. You have other commitments, I know.”

It’s the first time since Lykon’s birth that she’s said something like that, and Joe is only moderately surprised to feel a sudden onslaught of tears in his eyes.

“Or not,” she says, quickly. “We really appreciate your help, boys, it’s just… We don’t want to keep you.”

“Andy, shut up.”

She laughs, loud and open-mouthed. “Okay, Joe, okay. I love you guys.”

“We love you too,” Nicky says. Then he leans over the couch to peer into Lykon’s squishy little face. “And we especially love you.”

His voice changes when he talks to the baby. While Joe can’t control the way his voice raises several octaves and the way he coos gibberish, Nicky’s voice softens and hushes to something so comfortable, barely audible. It’s the way he would talk to a fussy toddler, Joe thinks, given the opportunity. He would level his eyes with them and speak to them like a person equal to him, providing the safest and most non-judgemental space for them.

Joe thinks. He hasn’t had many opportunities to see his husband speak with toddlers.

“I would be worried about you guys kidnapping him,” Andy says, “but I think it only counts as kidnapping if you leave the apartment.”

Joe snorts, and then he hears the water boiling over on the stove, so he dashes.

When Joe met Andy and Quỳnh, he had been a wide-eyed twenty-year-old, freshly out of the closet and already hopelessly in love. Well, that hasn’t changed, which always delights him to realize, after all these years. It was the love of his young life--Nicky, of course--who introduced him. Andy and Nicky were family friends, more like siblings, really, and of course Andy and Quỳnh had been together since the dawn of time. It took Joe no time at all to find a family in the four of them, inseparable as they all were.

Andy and Quỳnh had actually surprised him when they started talking about kids. That unexpected and world-changing conversation had been the beginning of a long and at times heartbreaking four years, before they finally got their donor, then suffered through a little over a year of IVF. They had almost given up, Joe remembers, between the frustration and the arguments and doctors telling Andy her eggs were too old. But, there he was, at the end of the journey, coming into the world flipping off everyone who said they couldn’t do it: Baby Lykon, the little warrior.

Joe remembers all of it vividly. The phonecall when they told him and Nicky they were pregnant, the panic to help them find a bigger apartment, the indulgent shopping trips, though Andy tried to keep a cap on those, and the weight and warmth of the baby in Joe’s arms the very first time he held him, barely thirty minutes after he’d been born.

Joe had sobbed, of course (something Andy and Quỳnh had anticipated so strongly they bet money on how long he cried for), and he looked into the baby’s big brown eyes and promised him the world.

They had talked about kids. Of course, they had. He and Nicky. But life was busy, and in the last five years between Joe finishing his dissertation and Nicky’s mother getting sick, the subject of kids just hadn’t come up. Besides, Joe thinks now, he’s only thirty-three.

Quỳnh comes home as he’s dishing up dinner for everyone--a creamy, cheesy pasta, because it’s the best comfort food--and her eyes brim with tears when she gets to hold Lykon again. She hasn’t been able to get a lot of time off work, even after becoming a new parent, which Joe thinks is frankly outrageous, but the work she does as a crisis counsellor is of course monumentally important.

They huddle around the couch to eat dinner, but Nicky pulls up one of the rickety chairs from the kitchen table and sits next to the baby, who is snoozing in his car seat on top of the coffee table. Joe doesn’t know how he does it, but Nicky manages to eat his dinner, drink enough water, and hold a conversation while keeping Lykon’s car seat rocking gently so he doesn’t wake up and scream.

Joe watches him as he chews his pasta mindfully and leans close to peer into the car seat. Beautiful. He’s always so beautiful, especially now. The way he looks at Lykon--their nephew, Joe realizes, elated--makes Joe’s head spin off his shoulders. He feels like he’s twenty.

“Crazy how tiny he is,” says Quỳnh, her voice soft and reverent. She already sounds so much like a parent. Joe’s eyes are still on his husband, so he sees how brightly Nicky smiles at that.

Andy makes an indignant noise. “Shut the fuck up.”

Quỳnh laughs, though she tries with obvious effort to keep quiet. She pulls Andy closer, her arm draped over her shoulder, and presses three kisses to her cheek. Then Quỳnh catches Joe’s eye and winks.

Andy shovels another forkful of pasta into her mouth and moans as she chews. With a full mouth, she says, “Joe, this is perfect. Please, boys, never leave.”

Joe shrugs bashfully, pretending to be shy. “It’s Nicky’s recipe.”

“What did you use,” Quỳnh asks.

Joe hums. He juts his chin to the kitchenette. “Your parmesan, mostly, and that fancy milk.”

“What fancy milk,” Andy asks, absolutely stuffing her face.

“Y’know.” Joe waves a hand. Chews, swallows. “The milk in the fancy bag, from the fridge.”

Andy and Quỳnh both stop eating, their eyes bugging out. Quỳnh slaps a hand over her mouth, poorly hiding a laugh and clearly choking a little, and Andy looks… Oh, Andy looks furious. Her face is red.

“J-” She forcefully lowers her voice, shooting a fearful glance at the baby. “Joe,” she whispers through her teeth. “Did you use my fucking breast milk?”

“Dio.” Nicky sticks his fork back into his dish.

“Oh,” Joe says, like an idiot. “Um.”

Andy’s cheeks puff out and somehow her face turns an even darker shade of red.

“I pumped…” she whispers, low and lethal, slow. “...For so… long…”

“There’s more in the fridge, babe,” Quỳnh says, and Joe fears for her life for a hot second. Then she brings her hand out to hover over Andy’s chest. “And it’s not like the tap is running dry, or whatever.”

“So I’m a milk bag.”

“A badass, sexy milk bag who--oh, who is murdering me with her eyes right now.” Quỳnh turns on Joe, then, scooping another forkful of breast-milk-pasta into her mouth and jabbing the fork in his direction. “You’re gonna be up all night paying my wife back for this, genius. See how skilfully you can wipe meconium from his bum.”

Joe only nods in shame. Fair enough.

Lykon signals that he’s awake, then, with a series of soft little snorty grunts that devolve very quickly into shrieking, wobbly sobs. Nicky launches into action with a speed that rivals the pitcrews at NASCAR. He lifts him from the car seat with such gentleness and oh, Joe’s heart breaks to see the baby’s little lips trembling as he cries, the way his little feet kick out against Nicky’s chest as he holds him over his forearms. Nicky is about to pass him to his moms when Quỳnh smiles softly up at him and says, “Looks like you’ve got him.”

He throws her a glance as if to ask, are you sure, and Quỳnh and Andy both nod. Joe’s sure they’re grateful to have the small amount of rest time and, looking at them now, curled together on the couch in their soft clothes, exchanging light kisses, he knows he and Nicky haven’t come close to overstaying their welcome.

“Look at you, Nico,” coos Andy as Nicky carefully holds the baby against his shoulder to peek at his diaper through the waistband his tiny pants. “You’re making us look bad.”

Nicky only chuckles lightly and shakes his head. The diaper must be clean, because he leaves it be and brings a hand up to cup the back of the baby’s wispy-haired head more steadily, and begins to hum, almost a whisper, and Joe’s heart flutters.

“Do you think he’s hungry?” Nicky asks Andy when the baby continues to fuss.

Turns out he is hungry, because he quiets almost immediately when Andy brings him to her chest. It’s not silent in the apartment--Joe can hear some sirens through the window on the streets far below, can hear the air conditioner groan to life, can hear Quỳnh and Nicky’s forks clink against their plates as they continue to eat the questionable breast-milk-pasta (good lord). And, Joe can hear the soft little grunts and snorts that the baby makes as he feeds.

Joe watches his oldest friends--they’re parents now, he can hardly believe it--as they huddle close on the couch and watch their son. Quỳnh wraps her arms under Andy’s so they’re both holding him, and his little chubby fist twitches and flings out every once in a while against Andy’s rolled-up shirt. His feet look impossibly small. Joe remembers the sounds he made when he and Nicky went shopping for all manner of baby supplies to help shave some stuff off Andy and Quỳnh’s list. He’d nearly sobbed when Nicky came up to the cart holding a pair of incredibly tiny socks (and then he had teared up and nearly passed out when Nicky popped the socks over his thumbs. A lot of people stared).

Joe would be lying to himself if he said he hadn’t been thinking of revisiting that store with Nicky every day since.

Now, he looks at his husband to find him already watching him, his heart in his eyes. Nicky slowly moves his gaze to their friends, to the baby, and Joe follows it. When their eyes meet again, Nicky’s are a little damp with tears, but he’s smiling, and there’s something inquisitive and hopeful in his eyes. Joe matches him and slowly, they both nod.

Yes.

#2000 words is not a ficlet sig. i digress #tog #the old guard #tog fic #anyway i am very very very shy about this #might do more with it. idk bébés make me happy. and i don't usually write aus but that could change #sage writes #i promise joe and nicky aren't going to steal andy and quỳnh's baby i just realized how it almost looks like that rip #anyway i'm shy now byeee <3

[fernpost]

looking forwards

[link to ao3]

Angus McDonald, boy detective. Greatest detective, if you asked him. And if you asked most of his clients.

He could solve any case, any mystery or murder or missing persons case. He’s always able to find the truth.

He just struggles sometimes, when it comes to himself.

His own emotions are swirling masses of weird bubbly feelings . He does not like how hard it is to decipher his own feelings.

Deciphering people's feelings about him is often just as hard. He knows social cues. He’s studied them thoroughly, and knows why people say what when he’s asking them certain questions and what they’re hiding when they ask him to leave.

Working a case is easy.

He’s solved plenty of murders before. Those are easy. Child’s play! And Angus is not a child anymore. He’s twelve whole years old, and had the first birthday party he’s ever really enjoyed to celebrate with all his friends.

Sure, most of them were adults, but he’s always gotten along really well with adults.

And they’re his family, so it’s fine-

Well. They’re not really his family. He’s not blood related to them. He’s not sure he has any immediate family now that his grandpa is gone. He’s never asked Taako or Magnus or Merle of Kravitz or Killian or- or any of them if they consider him family.

They’re his friends. That’s fine. He’s perfectly content with that (he thinks. Again, his own emotions are confusing).

But that’s okay. Because he’s going to school soon. It’s kind of far away from where most of them live, though. Far from the home Taako, Lup, Barry, and Kravitz have been sharing. Where Angus has been staying.

Very far from where Magnus has been setting up his school. And a whole day's ride away from Killian and Carey’s home.

The school is three hours away from Angus’s ho- from Taako’s house, where Angus is staying.

He hasn't- he hasn’t told Taako he’s going to school yet. He doesn’t know how to tell him he’s going to need to move out because obviously he would never ask Taako to uproot his whole life- all of them to uproot their lives just for Angus to be able to attend school. Not when they finally got settled down.

He really doesn’t even need school, but when his parents passed away and he went to live with his grandpa he dropped out. And if he wants to go on to college (if Lucas is serious about the potential teaching job) he needs to at least graduate high school. He was almost done too, but his grandpa didn’t have a lot of money like his parents did, so he started solving more and more cases to help out.

His parents didn’t give his grandpa any of their money because they didn’t expect him to be around when they passed on- not that they were bad people! He doesn’t mean to make them sound bad. They weren’t bad. They weren’t the best, he guesses. They’re not as fun as Taako, or as warm as Lup, and didn’t give as many hugs and Magnus, and didn’t talk to him about science like Barry, or-

But they were nice. They just weren’t really into parenting. They still left their small fortune to him, he’s just not old enough for it.

He’s thinking of petitioning the banks and saying he’s perfectly independent to get the money so he can move out easier.

He wonders if Kravitz would help, because he’s really good at that type of stuff, and the bank workers would be much more likely to listen to an adult than him.

Being young had its perks when solving cases, but it sucked for his day-to-day life.

It also sucked when his stomach churned for no reason that he could deduce. He’s just sitting in the kitchen, watching Lup cook in her still-slightly-fresh body as she sings a funny folktale song (Barry is sitting next to him, and he’d leaned over when she’s started singing to tell him how she learned this song early on in a world that had no writing system, and the song was about a man who could never remember where he left his pants. Angus didn’t really get it, but Barry kept laughing and smiling like it was the funniest thing in the world. Angus was pretty sure Barry would laugh at anything Lup did as a joke, though. He didn’t need to be a great detective for that).

But despite how good the food smells, his stomach hurts really bad. He’s barely eaten today, so it can't be food poisoning. Not that he’s had that since moving in- the Taaco’s are wonderful cooks and he trusts anything they feed him implicitly.

He tunes out Lup as he thinks.

The stomach pains are probably anxiety. Kravitz was telling him how he used to get them all the time, so it’s possible it’s just that.

But he shouldn’t be anxious . He’s a big kid- he’s just waiting for Taako to get home so he can tell him he’s moving out.

He has already looked for an apartment. Once Lucas' Academy of Arcane Sciences is fully up and running, he should have a highschool diploma and will be able to move on campus to work on his own degree. And be a student teacher while he works on it. It’s very exciting! If he should be feeling any physical effects from his emotions, it should be excitement, not this. This gross conglomerate of mushy feelings he can’t piece together.

He hates this.

Lup is holding a spoon to him, and Angus snaps back to the present to hear her softly ask, “you okay, little dude?” He doesn’t like the look of concern on her face- she’s been through too much to have to worry herself with him (he can’t get the century out of his head, these people are so amazing and they just let him hang around them. He doesn’t know what he’s doing right and he’s scared he’s going to stop doing that and they’re not going to like him anymore).

“I’m fine, Miss Lup! Thank you for asking.” He folds his hands tighter in his lap as he smiles. Whatever is on the spoon smells great, but he’s not sure his stomach is up for it yet.

Lup continues to stare at him for another second before pushing the spoon a little closer, “if you say so. Now, tell me, how’s it taste?”

Angus shakes his head and pulls back, “my stomach isn’t feeling too good right now, I don’t want to infect the rest of the food if it’s contagious.”

A hand appears on his head and he jumps a little, still not used to the casual touch-language of the household, and Barry’s nasally voice joins the conversation. “You don’t feel hot. Want us to call Merle over and give you a check up?”

The spoon is back, “it’s a good soup, Ango. It shouldn’t upset your stomach, and I can just get a new spoon. Barry can call Merle while you give me pointers.”

“You don’t need to, it’s fine really.” He waves his hands at Barry before turning to Lup. “And I’m not sure what help I can be with the cooking, I haven’t improved much these past few months even with Taako walking me through those other recipes.”

Lup snorts, “you’re improving much faster than Barry ever did. And I haven’t been helping Kravitz much with it, but he’s worse than anyone I’ve ever met at cooking. You’re doing just fine.”

Angus straightens up, discomfort momentarily disregarded, “Mr. Kravitz hasn’t needed to eat or cook in a long time, so he’s forgotten a lot of the basics so it’s not fair to judge me against him.”

“Sure, sure.” Lup waves her free hand in the air, the other still holding the spoon. “Still, this spoon is staying in the air until you taste it.” She glances at Barry, “and don’t worry about bothering Merle, he’ll never admit it but he likes the excuse to come over. Barry will pick him up; gives him more practice on perfecting the portal spell.”

Angus frowns, but reaches out to take the spoon anyways, “you really don’t need to call him. I’m sure it’ll pass by tomorrow.”

A hand is now on his shoulder, and Angus glances over to make eye contact with Barry, who speaks. “I won’t call him tonight, but if you still feel bad tomorrow we’ll tell him, okay?”

“Okay.” He’s not going to tell him if his stomach still hurts tomorrow, because it shouldn’t. Because he’s going to tell Taako right when he gets home and there will be nothing making him anxious or sad or excited or whatever that will make his stomach hurt. Because he’s going to do it.

He punctuates the thought by sticking the spoon in his mouth. Lup has turned back around, a fresh spoon stirring the pot, so she doesn’t see Angus’s eyes widen, but she turns back to face him with a smile when he gasps.

“This is really good, Miss Lup! Thank you.”

“Anything missing from it?” She crosses her arms, a new spoon dangling from her fingers as she twirls it around. It feels like a test, and the stomach ache is back.

Maybe it is from anxiety, because he used to get them before really hard tests. But why is he anxious? Taako is most likely going to take the news well, because Angus will finally be out of his hair.

(But maybe he doesn’t want that. Maybe Taako being okay with him moving out would hurt. Maybe the thought of Taako not just being okay, but being excited at the thought of him moving out is making him sick with worry and sadness and-)

“I’m not sure what else. It tastes perfect as-is.” He can’t think about cooking anymore. “I’m going to read on the couch, if that’s alright.”

The twirling of the spoon pauses, before she gives him a smile he knows is a bit forced, “okay, but when Taako comes home complaining that something is missing from the soup we’re blaming Barry.”

“Hey!”

Angus slides from the stool, moving to the sink and placing the spoon in there before heading to the couch. The living room is open to the kitchen and dining room, and he can hear Lup puttering around in there as she and Barry speak quietly to each other.

He’s unsure if they’re talking about him, or just being polite because he said he was reading, but his stomach twists again anyways. He picks up his book from where he set it on the coffee table this morning, and tries to read- he really does.

But he can’t focus.

The words blur together as he stares down at them blankly. He’s so zoned-out he misses the sound of the door opening, and the ensuing whispering in the kitchen.

It’s only when a hand is on his shoulder does he notice someone else is in the room, and he almost jumps out of his skin. Turning his head quickly, he catches sight of the gaudy sequin coat Taako had bought a few months ago. He’s paired it with a pair of jeans with tassels, and Angus doesn’t know much about fashion, but he’s fairly sure that’s not a normal outfit combination.

“Lup said your stomach hurt? Did you eat the so-called muffins Barry made yesterday? Because I told him those were toxic for human consumption. Probably dwarven consumption as well.”

Angus shakes his head, eyes following Taako as he slips his coat off and throws it on the armchair. He’d taken one look at those burnt muffins and slid them behind the milk, hiding them to prevent anyone from eating them. The elf walks around the couch and sits on the opposite side as him, tucking his knees under him as he stares at him with those eyes that are far more observant than most people think.

“Uh-huh. I’m throwing them out anyway. Don’t want to risk it.”

Angus nods, fiddling with the pages of his book. He runs a finger down the edge, finding a temporary calm in the weird texture of the uneven edges. He’s wearing a crease into the sides, he knows, but that’s fine. His grandpa liked to talk about the beauty of a well-loved book.

He’d spent all night planning on what he was going to stay. He wants to make sure Taako knows he isn’t throwing his kindness back in his face, and that he is going to be able to do this mostly on his own. He doesn’t have many belongings, so the move itself would be pretty easy. There won’t be much for Taako to worry about. Angus has always been very self-reliant. He isn’t a pushover, and is fine taking care of himself. While living here has been nice, he’s fine going back to living like that.

A foot knocking against his knee gets his attention, and he glances over to Taako. The elf’s face is pinched, ears flicking back and forth.

It’s a weird expression to see directed at him. Taako speaks, “you with me, Agnes?”

He nods, eyes flitting away. The nickname is an endearment, something he figured out soon after he started living on the moonbase. Their story being projected into his mind only reinforced that knowledge; seeing how Taako interacted with the others (and how the others teased everyone as well) proves that Taako being mean normally shows he cares.

He states instead at the fireplace; it’s still kinda dirty because no one has wanted to clean it out from when Lup caused it to flare up during a particularly intense board game night (they banned board games when the fire was going after that, at least while Lup was in her lich form. Far too much magical energy waiting to be released).

“Angus. You sure you’re feeling okay?”

He doesn’t mean to flinch, but seeing a hand come towards his face after already being stressed all day caused him to react unfavorably.

The hand yanks itself away, and Angus forces himself to look over at Taako, apology already leaving. “Sorry, sir. I just didn’t expect it- I’m fine, really.” He almost says ‘I promise,’ but stops himself. He doesn’t like lying, and it wouldn’t have been a lie but it wouldn’t have been the full truth.

Taako doesn't seem to believe him anyways, as he squints at him. “You’re a terrible liar.”

Angus starts, “I’m not sick!”

“I know you’re not sick, but you’re acting all weird.” He wiggles his fingers, and it almost makes Angus laugh.

He takes a deep, steadying breath. It only makes his stomach clench even more. His face gets hot, and suddenly his throat is tight and he can’t- he can’t do it- he doesn’t want-

“I need to move out.” The words leave him at once, just barely slow enough to be comprehensible.

The soft conversation in the kitchen stops at once, though neither of them walk over to the couch. Taako is staring at him, face blank.

He finds himself beginning to ramble. He hates it, he’s normally more composed, but working a case is much, much easier than navigating people he cares about. “Mr. Miller offered me a position at his school once I graduate, and the school is on the other side of town. I can’t make the commute each day, it’s too far and the walk would be too much. So, I found a small place that’s cheap, and once I get access to my parents money they left me I’ll be fine on that front. And-”

“Miller? Lucas Miller?” Taako cuts him off. He hasn’t done that in a long while, and it shuts Angus up immediately.

“Yes? He’s opening his school, the Academy of Arcane Sciences.”

“And he wants you to teach there?”

Angus' face flushes, and he gets hot with indignation. “I’m very smart, sir. I am very qualified to teach, and it’s not a stretch that he would seek me out and-”

Taako puts his hands up. “Not what I was implying. You’re just young.” He glares off to the side, before pulling his crystal out. “Thought Miller was above hiring a child.”

“I’m not a kid.”

“How old are you, then?” Taako glances back over at him, eyebrows raised in that annoying way he gets when he thinks he’s made an excellent point. He’s typing without looking down, and Angus wants to know what he’s doing.

“I- that’s not what I meant.”

Taako leans back on the couch, looking back at his crystal. “You should be focused on being a kid, not teaching nerds at Lucas’s subpar school.”

The indignation that started when Taako brushed off what he’s been worrying about has been building and building. He clenches his hands into fists, letting the book drop to the floor as he stands and yells, “stop trying to make me have the childhood you wanted!”

He regrets it immediately, but can’t bring himself to look at Taako. The room is so, so quiet. It’s almost worse than if they yelled at him. He runs past the couch, dodging the hand that reaches out as he passes by Taako. He slips into the room he’s been staying in, closing the door and locking it behind him. He sits on the floor, back resting against his bed, and shoves his face into his knees, pulling them tightly into himself.

At least he made it easy, right? He’ll wait for Taako to cool down, finish packing his things, and leave.

He doesn’t even know why he said that. He knows Taako was just being nice, even if he phrased it poorly. He just wants him to be a kid because he knows what it’s like to not have a childhood. Angus had no reason to say that. He didn’t mean it.

The hot press of tears builds in his eyes and he forces them down. He has no right to cry when he was the one in the wrong.

Knowing Taako, Lup, and Barry are in there, talking about him, is almost as bad as the guilt. Not knowing what they’re saying is disquieting.

It doesn’t take long for a soft knocking on his door to fill the room. He says nothing, but looks up at it. He stares at the handle, checking it’s still locked.

“Angus, it’s Lup. Can I come in?”

He considers not answering. They’ve been good about not barging in before, when he makes it clear he wants to be alone. He doesn’t want to be alone, though. He’s just not sure he wants to have this conversation.

“Yeah.” He stands, unlocking the door and holding the handle. Breathes. Opens the door.

Ears tilted down low, Lup stands there with hands in a neutral position at her side. Gods, she’s being so aware of her movements right now so she doesn’t startle him. He turns, walks over to his desk, and stands by it. He’s now very aware of his backpack and small suitcase against the wall, half-packed. Not enough to be obvious, but enough so that when he told them he was moving he could do so quickly.

Lup is staring at it. She hesitates, then goes to sit on his bed. She doesn’t shut the door all the way, leaving it just barely cracked.

He hates being treated like this.

“We’re not mad.” She begins, and Angus can’t bring himself to look at her as she talks, staring instead at his bags. “Taako isn’t mad either. We’re just confused as to why you want to move out.”

Angus furrows his brow, glancing over to Lup for a second before retraining his eyes on his bags, “I told T- I said that it was too far for me to walk there each day.”

“Me and Barry have basically mastered rifts, we could bring you there and back you know. So could Kravitz.”

“I already thought about asking you to, but you’re called to go help the Raven Queen randomly, and I wouldn’t want to be stuck on campus.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, “I didn’t phrase it very well out there.” He forces himself to make eye contact, “I am very grateful for everything you all have provided me, and I’m not leaving because I’m unhappy or anything. I just know I’ll be fine on my own, and I really want to go to school.”

Lup purses her mouth, “I’m not going to argue that you aren’t responsible or that you couldn’t live on your own. But you are young, there’s no reason you should be teaching at this age.”

“I’m not though! I’m finishing high school, and then student teaching until I graduate from his school. I’ll just be helping the professors until I have the proper qualifications.” He clenches his hands, trying to keep himself calm. He doesn’t like when people don’t understand what he’s saying.

She takes in what he says, keeping her gaze steady. “Okay. That’s better. But, you still shouldn’t be living on your own, little dude.”

“I used to-”

She holds her hand up, “come on, this is a group conversation. The other two people living here should be here for this.” Angus casts an anxious glance at the door when she says that. She continues on, “before we go out there, though, we do need to talk about what you said.”

Panic fizzles through him again. “I know! I didn’t mean it, and I’m really, really sorry. I just got frustrated because he was patronizing me and I don’t like being treated like that. I’m very smart and capable- I’ve done- I’m just-” He feels his emotions begin to well up again, and it only makes him more upset. He knows he’s more mature than this. He’s caught numerous serial killers, solved murder cases, and helped so many people. He can keep up with serious adult conversations, as well as banter with everyone easily. He’s good at words. He hates getting sensitive like this.

“Hey, hey. Angus, it’s okay. Breathe.” She steps towards him, moving slowly to not startle him and he hates how he’s already shown that she needs to do that. “Taako was being rude when you spoke to him, no one is denying that. But what you said at the end was also pretty rude. And we understand needing to take a minute to ourselves, but we have to make sure we have hard conversations. You’re telling us you don’t want us to treat you like a child, and we are not going to baby you. But you are still very young, especially compared to us.” She closes the gap to him and rests a hand on his shoulder, kneeling down. “Being mature means hard conversations. Being nice means having harder conversations. All we want from you, Angus, is for you to be honest with us and listen to us when we want to be honest with you.” She removes her hand from his shoulder and spreads her arms wide, offering a hug.

If he says no, she won’t make a fuss. He knows this.

He crashes into her, smushing her face into her shoulder. Her arms tighten around him as she runs her hand through his hair. “Here’s the plan. We go out there, Taako apologizes to you for being an asshole, you apologize for snapping, and then we all talk about you moving out, okay?”

Pulling his head away from her shoulder, he nods. He knows if he tried to speak, he would devolve into tears. She smiles and pulls him back into the hug.

They stay there for another moment, before Angus pulls away. Lup stands and gestures for him to lead the way.

His stomach clenches again, but some it’s not as intense as it was a few minutes ago.

They walk down the short hallway, and find Taako and Barry sitting on the couch. Both are staring at them as they enter the room, and Angus finds his hands twisting into the hem of his shirt.

“I shouldn’t have said that, sir. I’m sorry.” Angus says it fast. He hopes it doesn’t sound dishonest, the way it tumbled out of his mouth, but he knows if he slowed down the tears would fall too and he doesn’t want that.

Taako moves to stand, but Angus watches as Barry’s hold on his hand keeps him on the couch. Taako, instead smiles. “It’s okay, Ango. I was being an ass first. Should have listened to you all the way instead of cutting you off. Taako’s better than that.”

Lup brushes past Angus, moving to sit on the armchair next to the couch. Angus stays where he is. “I am still moving, though.”

No one speaks for a moment, but all three of them look at each other. After a moment of silent conversation, the type born from living together for a long, long time, Taako speaks up. “Okay. We’ve been talking about getting a bigger house anyways. This one is too close to the city and when the others visit it’s far too crowded. We need more extra bedrooms.”

Angus blinks. Then blinks again. “What?”

Lup sighs. “That’s one way to bring it up. We’ve already been talking about it- there’s a chunk of land just outside of the east end of the city. It’s not far from the school we assume is the one you plan on attending. Magnus has already said he’ll help us fix up the house there.”

He is still wildly confused.

Barry gathers that, and he sighs, “we will all move. So you can be closer to your school.”

He starts shaking his head, “no, you guys just settled down, you don’t need to do that.”

“Do you really think you could make us do anything we don’t want to do?” Taako asks as he begins to walk over to Angus. He mimics the position Lup took earlier, squatting in front of him. “If you really don’t want to live with us, fine. But we had already been talking about getting a bigger place. This isn’t a sudden decision- if Krav wasn’t on some mission he could tell you the same thing. The house we were looking at was empty before the Hunger arrived, and it got fucked up even more during the fight, so the land there is cheap. So if you want to stay with us- and I’m not asking what you think we want, I’m asking what you want- then one of the rooms will be yours.”

The tears he’s been working so hard to hold back begin to fall, so he just nods quickly. He lets Taako pull him into a hug, “I’d- I like living with you. Are you- you sure?”

“When has Taako ever lied?”

Angus just laughs, and does so even harder when he hears a pillow thwack against the back of Taako’s head (it’s a common occurrence in this house).

He feels someone approach on the side, and their hug is yanked to the side, both of them stumbling as Lup pulls them towards her, and he glances up to see Barry hovers right beside them. Taako must see him too, “Come on, Barold. Looks like it’s hug time.”

It’s awkward, and not at all very comfortable, but it’s warm. Angus’s tears have dried up, and he’s about to pull away when the familiar zip of a portal being created precedes Kravitz’s voice.

“Oh, am I interrupting?”

Taako laughs, “just missing out on a group hug.”

“Come on,” Lup speaks up now, her voice coming from just behind Angus’s ear, “it’s a family hug.”

Angus barely has time to process that when Kravitz steps forward. He’s almost as awkward as Barry, but it’s nice.

They separate eventually, Lup heads back to the kitchen to finish the food, with Barry close behind. Kravitz gives Taako a hello kiss, the two of them sitting on the couch, and from their low tones Angus can tell Taako is giving him a quick rundown of… today.

Angus see’s his book was placed on the coffee table at some point, and sits on the armchair once he grabs it, pushing Taako's discarded jacket to the side. Opening it to where he left off, the page is bent with a large crease down the center, from when he dropped it on the floor. He reads for a minute, before Taako speaks up.

“Mending should get rid of that crease, if you like.” Taako says.

Angus just smiles and shakes his head. “It just proves it’s used.”

He shrugs, looking down at his crystal, and Kravitz nudges him. It causes Taako to huff and hold out the crystal. A flyer for a recreational soccer team is displayed.

Join the new Neverwinter recreational soccer league! Ages 10-14. Help your kids make new memories and friends- Create everlasting bonds!

Angus frowns, “what’s this?”

“Soccer team. Was looking for one in the area when we started looking for potential houses to move to. Planned on signing you up.”

Tears begin to well up in his eyes again, and Angus finds himself frustrated. Not with Taako, no, of course not. Not now, not with this. But with himself, and how emotional he’s being.

Because he’s been talking about Caleb Cleveland books at Taako for so long now, and he’d always assumed he’d only been tolerating it. But Caleb Cleveland was a part of a soccer team- it wasn’t even a big part of the books. Angus has probably only mentioned it once or twice. And yet, Taako specifically looked for a soccer team and-

“Thank you, Taako!” He grins, and the way Taako’s ears are flickering, he knows he’s embarrassed.

“Just thought you could use the exercise. You know, you can’t be running around solving crimes if you can’t run.”

The smile doesn’t leave his face as he snarks back, “but sir, you never do physical training and you saved the world.”

“I just transmute my legs to be strong and fast if I need it. Or get Magnus to carry me.”

He leans further onto Kravitz, who smiles. “Or he just calls me to pick him up.”

“Exactly!”

Snuggling back into his chair, Angus holds the book close to his chest, “thank you, really, sir.”

“Come on, little dude. We’ve been over this. The ‘sir’ thing is so formal.”

“Would you prefer me to call you ‘sappy bitch’?” He turns up his fake innocent charm, the one he uses often on cases, as he says it.

Kravitz bursts out laughing, and he can hear Barry and Lup in the kitchen do the same.

Taako flares up, pointing an accusing finger at him, “who taught you that kind of fucking language!”

“I’ve always known curse words!”

“Not in my house!” Taako stands, and Angus climbs out of the chair and starts running. He knows what will happen if Taako catches him, so he runs to Barry, calling out for help.

Barry, the traitor, only holds him still so Taako can grab him and ruffle his hair. He begins yelling at Barry, cursing his name, but it’s hard to get the words out through his laughter.

Kravitz is the one who saves him, pulling him out of their arms and holding him high in the air. “Do not assault the child, please.”

Taako steps towards Kravitz, “you heard what he called me, didn’t you?”

“And he was right.”

Taako’s affronted gasp is so loud, it must scratch at his throat as he begins coughing.

Angus is giggling, kicking his dangling feet lightly in the air.

Whatever Lup is pulling off the stove smells delicious, and he cannot wait to begin eating.

As they sit down, Taako looks over at him and says, "you know, you should be careful about accepting a teaching job at Lucas's lame school. Taako here is working on a much cooler idea, and he could use a smart kid like you, if you can pass the rigorous application process."

"What is it?" Angus asks, getting excited. He hasn't heard Taako talking about anything like this.

"Top secret."

Angus laughs, "it won't be for long!"

"You're pre-emptively fired, then."

"Wait-"

#angus mcdonald #taako #lup #barry bluejeans #taz balance #my works

[justnerdthings]

New Beginnings Ch. 13

F!Reader x Liu Kang/Kung Lao

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@ancientowlgirl @poor-unfortunate-soul-85 @shang-hung

Lao was right. You were a badass. No one had ever said that to you before. You had never even considered it. But, he was right. Finally realizing it, it gave you a much needed boost of confidence. A smile had been plastered to your face as you walked with Lao through the halls.

He’d decided to cut the Tai Chi lesson short. He didn’t want to push you too hard. He’d never hear the end of it if he did. Liu would never let that go. The first day back to training you, and he’d hurt you again? No. Liu would be absolutely livid if that happened. Instead, Lao had decided to walk you to the bathhouse. His eyes watched you as you walked with him, making notes of how you rolled your shoulders and neck every so often. You must have still been stiff. Hopefully the hot water would help relax you.

Thankfully, the awkwardness of his feelings for you had faded. You seemed comfortable with him--a welcomed change from last week. He smiled as you told him about New York, but couldn’t help the confusion that came over him when you began talking about your favorite fast food.

“So you’re telling me, that people actually pay to eat food that makes them sick?” Lao asked, laughing.

You nodded with a grin. “Taco Bell really does taste that good.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah. It doesn’t make everyone sick though. Never made me sick.”

“Maybe you have an iron stomach.”

“Or an iron ass,” you jested with a chuckle.

Lao laughed in his disgust. “If we’re ever around a Taco Bell, remind me not to eat there.”

“Okay, but I’m eating there. It’s my favorite.”

Lao shook his head, grinning. “Any other favorites that don’t make people sick?”

“Wendy’s.”

“Who?”

You laughed and shook your head. “It’s another fast food place. It’s literally called Wendy’s.”

“Oh. What are they like?”

“You’ve heard of Burger King and McDonalds, right?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Kinda like them. But better.”

He laughed. “Better how?”

You struggled to find the words. “It’s just… better. It’s different. Different atmosphere. Their burgers are square.”

“Do square burgers taste better?”

“Theirs do.”

He laughed again and shook his head.

“That reminds me. Why don’t you guys eat meat?”

“Hm?” He turned his head to look at you. He shrugged. “Just never did, I guess. Liu did before he joined the temple. I was raised in it, so I never really had the opportunity growing up.”

“What about when you get out of here to do something for Raiden?”

He shrugged again. “Just don’t feel like it, I guess.”

“Would you though?”

Lao thought for a moment. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Why don’t monks eat meat?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “It has to do with Buddhism.”

“What? Like how Muslims don’t eat pork?”

He nodded and pointed at you. “Bingo.”

“Huh…” You could see that. Buddhism was about respecting all life. Animals were alive.

“What about you? Anything you won’t eat?” He asked.

“Tripe.”

“Tripe?”

“Tripe.” You nodded.

“What’s that?”

“Sheep’s stomach, or something like that.”

Lao showed his disgust. “What?”

“It’s gross.”

“Noted,” he said. “Anything else?”

“Mangos.”

“Mangos?” he laughed. “Why? They’re delicious.”

“Oh, I know. I love them.”

“Then why wont you eat them?”

“I’m allergic.”

Lao was silent as he stared at you, as if expecting you to say it was a joke. But when you didn’t laugh, or even smirk, he frowned. “Wait. Really?”

You nodded.

“But you said you love them.”

You nodded again and glanced to him with a slight grimace.

It clicked. He sighed and shook his head as he looked forward. “You eat them anyway, don’t you?”

“Sometimes.”

“Won't you hurt yourself?”

“Yeah. My throat swells up if I eat too much.”

Lao looked up at the ceiling and couldn’t help the disbelieving chuckle that escaped him. “You’d eat something that could kill you just because it tastes good?”

“Only a little.”

“You are unbelievable.”

“And yet, you believe me.” You grinned and stopped at the entrance to the bath house. You turned to look at him, but he’d turned and walked past you into the bath house. You stared after him.

Unfortunately, the temple was the home of The Order Of Light. Which was an order of monks. Monks. Not monks and nuns. Monks. There was no female section of the bath house. It wasn’t usually a problem because ever since your first visit to the bath house, any monks present would quickly leave to give you your privacy… But Kung Lao was going right in.

“You coming?” Lao called back, stopping to look back to you.

“Um… No. It’s okay. You can go first.”

Lao raised a brow. “What? C’mon, it’ll be fine.” But when you didn’t move, he sighed. “It’s big enough for the both of us to not see each other. You take one side, I’ll take the other.”

You thought about it for a bit before stepping forward to follow him in.

The bath house was a huge curved cavern. It had a large hot spring spanning the cavern, and a few smaller ones surrounding it. There were older lockers here and there for everyone to use. And there were baskets placed strategically around, filled with clean towels. Monks that were already bathing had noticed you walk in, and just as each time before, quickly climbed out of the pools and changed. You’d turned your back and stepped into a corner to avoid looking and give them their privacy. The last one to leave had told you he was, and you gave him a minute longer to leave before finally turning around.

Kung Lao was grinning at you.

“I really hate having to interrupt them,” you admitted.

He shrugged. “Their loss.”

You flushed and back handed his shoulder. He just laughed then nodded to the cavern’s bend. “You take the other side. I’ll take this one and stop any monks that come in.”

You couldn’t argue with that. Monks had walked in on you before. It wasn’t their fault. You were the only woman in this temple. Of course they’d occasionally forget about you. You nodded to Lao and walked off to the other end of the spring, hidden behind the corner… still, knowing Kung Lao was just on the other side made you nervous. He was mischievous. What if he snuck a peak?!

No. No, he wasn’t that much of a jerk. He wasn’t even much of a jerk now that he wasn’t testing you anymore. He was still a handful, and probably too confident for his own good, but you two hadn’t fought all day. A first.

You dragged in a deep breath, taking in the salty air. That was one thing you couldn’t help but ask a couple baths ago. A monk had told you that the ravine was in a salt desert, and the water in the springs was saltwater. But not like the ocean. Cleaner. And warm like a hot tub. You slipped out of your shoes and gi… And off came your underwear after staring at the corner for a while, making sure the coast was clear before you stepped into the pool.

You stayed near the edge and lowered yourself until the water came up to your neck. God, that felt so good. The hot water melted tension from your back and shoulders in the most welcoming way. You sighed in relaxation as you rested your head back against the rocks. The dense saltwater made you feel weightless and you let your arms float just below the surface. This was easily your favorite place in the temple. You woke to water burning your nose. Splashing, sitting up, you choked and coughed up water. Oh god, your sinuses were on fire. You’d sunk a bit too far in the water. You must have dozed off.

“You okay?!” Lao’s voice called over.

You tried to answer, but choked again.

“Y/N!”

You gasped and called out a strained, “Yeah!”

“What happened?” His voice sounded closer, as if he was just around the bend.

You hacked some saltwater up. “Nothing!” You choked again and blew out your nose hard, trying to clear the water from your sinuses. “Just almost drowning!”

Lao was quiet for a bit. “You sure you’re okay?” he asked cautiously.

You nodded, then quickly remembered he couldn’t see it. Duh. “Yeah. Fine.” You blew out your nose again and winced. It burned so bad.

“Alright…”

“Sorry. I’m good.”

You could hear him chuckle. It echoed through the cavern.

“Of all the things that could take me out…” You set up the coming joke. You always joked when you were nervous. You could hear him chuckle again. “Here lies Y/N, taken out by a punk ass hot spring…”

He laughed openly. You couldn’t help but laugh at yourself with him.

“You clean enough?” You asked. It was probably a good idea for you to get out before you actually did drown.

“Yeah, hold on.” He was still chuckling. You heard the splashing of what you assumed was him climbing out of the pool. You did the same and grabbed a towel to dry yourself off. It was a few minutes before he called over, “I’m good.”

You were as well by then. You walked to the corner and peaked around it. He had his pants on, but that was it. It was enough… right? He was rubbing a towel over his hair when you stepped into his view, and you did your best not to stare at him. Lao was cut. You assumed he was before, but now you knew. Now you could see it. He didn’t have an ounce of body fat on him. Just rock hard muscles. Did Liu have abs like that too?

Oh boy…

“You okay?” He broke the silence, noticing your vacant expression.

“Yeah. Great,” you answered quickly, walking past him. If he was behind you, you wouldn’t be able to see him… See those washboard abs. And he wouldn’t be able to see the red hue that absolutely covered your face. Even your ears were burning.

Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about those abs and how the edges of his obliques were practically an arrow right to his—

NO!

You clenched your eyes shut and quickly left the bathhouse.

Okay. You could do this. You could do this. You were a nurse. It wasn’t like you’d never seen muscles like that… No you hadn’t. Why did you lie to yourself?

“You sure you’re okay?” Lao asked as he rejoined you, thankfully with his tunic back on. You sucked in a deep breath and nodded. But he didn’t seem convinced. “Your face is all red,” he pointed out, his brows sinking in concern.

You turned your face away and felt it grow hotter now that he’d noticed. “I’m fine. Sorry. Just wanted to get out of there…”

He grinned and offered you a small chuckle. “Don’t tell me that you’re afraid of water now?”

“No!”

He held his hands up defensively and laughed a bit more openly. “Just kidding!”

You frowned and sighed. “I just--”

Should you tell him? Or should you lie?

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat 2021 #liu kang #kung lao #raiden #reader insert #fanfic #fic #reader x character #ludi lin #max huang #tadanobu asano #new beginnings #reader x liu kang #reader x kung lao #liu kang x reader #kung lao x reader

[random-imagines-blog]

Never Say Die {Severus Snape x Reader Oneshot}

Requested by: Anonymous Wordcount: 2626 Summary: Sometimes being in close proximity to a person for an extended period of time can bring out strong feelings.

The world had just become a scarier place. The great man, Dumbledore himself, was falling to his death from the tower of the school that he had run for decades. And you were standing behind the man that had his wand still drawn, and had whispered the killing spell. You breathed out as it was done, the task that the dark lord had sent your brother to do, that he had failed. You reached for him, for Draco, pulling him close and down the stairs as the others ran towards the window to make sure that Dumbledore was truly dead. Bellatrix yelled, and a light shot out of her wand. The Dark Mark, no doubt, filling up the sky. The mission was complete, but you feared for Draco. It was supposed to have come from his wand. You hurried down the stairs, hand on his shoulder, and Severus was close behind you. The murderer of the greatest man, and the biggest hope that the world had of defeating Lord Voldemort, gone from this earth. Your heart was down in your stomach, and you felt more and more sick with every step that you took. But you had to carry on.

“Hurry, hurry,” You hissed, pushing your brother along, his bright silver hair, the same hair you had, creating a beacon in the darkness. He went, nearly tripping, until you made it to the bottom of the stairs, and crashed through the doors. You had to get out of here before people saw. You had to make your escape before the three of you were killed for what you had just done - but maybe you deserved it, you thought. Maybe you should be grabbed by these professors that you had adored over the years, and face the consequences for your actions.

Clad in black, the three of you ran from the school. The other deatheaters, the ones that were truly terrifying, would be chasing soon. The death mark was above the school, you didn’t need to turn your head as you fled to see it. You could feel it. It was burning on your arm, like it was on Draco’s, like it was on Severus’s.

As soon as you were beyond the perimeter of the school, before the aurors and the ministry would report to deal with the death of Dumbledore and attempt to find out how the death eaters had gotten in, you teleported with the two. Severus had set up a safe house for you three to cool down after the murder. Reporting straight to Lord Voldemort now was too risky. And staying at the school was out of the question.

The house was dark, dingy, but livable. A mutter of lumos and you were able to see your way around, and light up the place. It was small, two bedrooms, but it was the best that you could come up with given the short notice and the secrecy. You were just planning on sharing with Draco, but he went running into one of the bedrooms, and locked the door behind him. You sighed and sat down on the couch, supposing you would take that. You were exhausted, and your heart hurt more than anything. Severus sat beside you, rubbing his temples with his fingertips.

“You did what you had  to do, Severus,” You said, your voice just barely above a whisper. “And you saved my brother’s life - thank you.”

He looked over at you, his face looking worn and aged, more so than you had remembered when you had merely been his pupil, years ago. He hadn’t looked as old then, nor as tired. Things have been hard since the war had started back up, and it was taking its toll on everyone. You weren’t exactly the fresh faced blonde that you had been during your school days. He didn’t say anything to you, only looked, and then nodded. You laid your head down on the back of the couch, and fell asleep surprisingly easily after the rush of the night. The emotions that you were feeling were still welling up, and you needed that escape, even for a few hours.

--

You three continued to hide out together over the next couple of days. When you had woken up after that first night, you had found that you were in the second bedroom, where you did not remember falling asleep. Severus, as you had found out, had carried you there himself after you had passed out on the couch. He then had taken the place he forced you to vacate. It turned into a thing between the two of you. Whoever fell asleep first would get moved. You had to use magic, not being as strong as he was, but the premise stood. You ended up tucking each other in every night.

You noticed many things about him while staying at the safe house, and the big one was how guilty he felt over what he had done. Killing Dumbledore was a huge step for him, and he was taking it hard. Your brother was as well, not really leaving the room that he had claimed as his own, except to use the bathroom and when you forced him to eat. But Severus was taking it especially hard, which confirmed your suspicions. That your Lord, the Dark Lord, was not his true one, just as he was not yours. It was nothing that you could say aloud, for even invoking such a conversation was dangerous, but you wanted to make sure that he knew you felt the same.

He spent a lot of time on the sofa, staring blankly ahead, or picking one of the books off the teetering shelf and scanning through it. “Severus,” You cleared your throat, putting the bags of muggle fast food on the table. You were the one who usually made the runs for it, since it was easier for you to disguise yourself than it was for these two. Severus would draw a lot of attention upon himself just for walking down the street. He set the book down beside the greasy bags and looked up at you, that pain still in his eyes. It broke your heart to see it there. “Are you going to be alright?”

He looked a little puzzled at your question. But then he slowly nodded and went for the bag of food. It still seemed unfamiliar to him. He couldn’t figure out how to open the cardboard container with the burger in it without spilling it everywhere. He ended up resorting to a spell to get it to open. Before he could do that today, you opened it for him, and put it in front of him. “Thank you,” He muttered.

“You’re welcome,” You said. You knocked on Draco’s door to let him know that you had brought food, and you barely got a grunt in response. You sighed and sat down on the sofa next to Severus, sliding your own bag over. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with the two of you.”

“Excuse me?” Severus asked, in his deep voice.

You looked at him, square in those dark eyes of his. This was the first honest to God eye contact that you had with him since Dumbledore’s death, and you weren’t going to waste the opportunity. “You heard me. I’m upset about what happened to, and it’s shite that it went down that way but sulking around isn’t going to solve anything. Do you think the Order are just staring at walls, or do you think they’re working on a plan?”

“It is too late, the Order has lost,” Severus said, thin-lipped. You shook your head at him, not believing that for a second.

“Has anyone tried to tell them that?” You asked. “I guarantee you they are not sitting on couches, doing nothing at all. We’re part of this, Severus. And - and I would rather continue on my mission and fight against evil even if that means that I get caught and killed for being a traitor. Draco doesn’t get that, but I know that you are old enough to. So come on, snap out of this, we have to do something.”

“I’m due back at the school,” Severus admitted to me. “I got my mission while you were out.”

“Back to - what do they expect for you to do there?”

“Run it.” He said, sighing. It was such a sad noise to come from such a man. While you were his pupil, you had idolized him. Sure, he was always a bit of a grumpy old prat but he was brilliant. And he was powerful. After a long minute, you scooched closer to him and rested your head against his shoulder.

“Then we’ll come with you,” You whispered. “Any of the students who go back aren’t going to trust you. You’re going to need help watching your back.”

“We’ll have to wait and see what the Dark Lo-”

“I told you, I’m coming with you - and Draco is probably going to be sent back to the school anyway. I’ll talk to the Dark Lord myself about it if I have to.”

“Why?” Severus asked, his eyebrows furrowing. Seeing him like that, with a McDonalds burger in his hands, and a confused expression was enough to make you start to sigh.

“Because we’re in this together. You and me,” You told him. A thick silence hung in the air, and it remained uninterrupted, even as Severus put his food down, and tentatively, like he had never done such a motion before, put his hand on your knee.

“Thank you,” He said, and you could tell that these were words that he didn’t use very often. You moved your head away to face him, and your lips lightly brushed against his. You hadn’t realized that he was leaning in so close. And you didn’t actually hate the feeling.

Your lips tingled as they caught his again. He had frozen once he registered what had happened, but then slowly, achingly so, his lips moved against yours into something that could only be called a kiss. It was short, but it was definitely sweet, and when you moved back away from it, he still had that furrowed brow.

It was only then that the silence was interrupted by an owl fluttering against one of the darkened windows. Your orders had finally arrived. You would be going back to Hogwarts.

--

You finally felt like you could breathe, despite the dust that was still in the air from the fallen down walls, and the scent of blood and death. There was great loss here, but it was over, and Tom Riddle, Lord Voldemort, The Dark Lord, You-Know-Who, whatever you wanted to call him, was gone.

Your mother, father and brother had run from the scene, to hide from the Ministry, until they would claim that they were under the imperius curse or something similar. But as you had shown from your frustration at being cooped up, you were not the run and hide type of person. You walked among the wounded and the injured, looking for one face in particular, and ran to his side when you finally saw him.

“He’s in pretty rough shape,” McGonagall said from behind you. You didn’t turn to face her, but you nodded, seeing it for yourself. He wasn’t conscious, but he was breathing, his chest still rising up and down. He had deep marks in his neck where Nagini had bitten him. The rumor was that he had died for a second, before something made him fight against it, and cause his heart to start beating again. But that second of death was enough for Voldemort to wield the Elder Wand. But he was defeated, it was all in the past, and you were going to look toward the future.

“I’ll take care of him,” You said, brushing a black lock out of his face. “I promise.”

--

You were cleared by the Ministry after an Inquiry. You were not pretending to have been under the Imperius Curse, but many Hogwarts students, those that survived the war, spoke up on your behalf. While you were there, watching over Draco and over Severus, you had been working on keeping them safe. You smuggled out letters to their parents that they could not send because the Owlry was under observation. And you worked on getting the younger students somewhere safe, and setting barrier charms around them so that the destruction could not come close. You weren’t going to get a medal for your service or anything, but at least you had your freedom. The ministry would be watching your upcoming career closely, however, for any signs of slipping into the dark arts. They had nothing to fear from you, and you would prove that to them. For now, you were just at a Malfoy safe house that hadn’t been seized, and were nursing Severus back to health.

He was still on bedrest, but he was eating, and drinking, and reading again. So essentially back to the mopey Severus that you had gotten to know while you were in hiding. You brought him in a sandwich today, one that you made yourself. He showed a lot of distaste over fast food, so you were getting none of that. Just real food for him.

“Miss Malfoy,” Severus said, setting his book down on the bed as you walked inside. You raised your eyebrow at the formality, and set the food down on the little propped up tray you had for him to help him eat better.

“You could just call me by my first name now. I’m not calling you Professor Snape, or even Mister Snape.”

“Ahh - I suppose not,” Severus said. You sat on the edge of the bed, leaning in to tuck a napkin into the collar of his shirt. “Y/N,” He said, instead.

“Yes, Severus?”

He cleared his throat, something that I rarely heard him do before. “I loved once.”

“Harry’s mother, I know,” You said with a nod. You had heard the rumors before. And it was quite tragic, having unrequited love, as you had been finding out recently. Severus nodded back in return, his food going untouched.

“And I have held onto that ... always.” Another long pause. You sat there, watching him, waiting for him to find the words for whatever it was that he wanted to say, because it couldn’t be just that. It would hurt too much if that was it. “I don’t talk about emotions.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“But I want to,” He looked like he was having a very rough time getting these words out, so you stayed quiet, sitting next to him. “I suppose that I am trying to say that I care about you.”

“You suppose?” You asked, then realized that it was the wrong thing to say. He looked a little wounded, like you were making fun, though that wasn’t your intention. “Severus, I love you. And if you’re trying to say it back, just say it.”

“I ... love you.” He said. You smiled, leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth. You didn’t want to overwhelm him right now, though that was all that you wanted to do. Push that tray away, straddle him and -

Deep breath. “And I you,” You told him again. “Now eat, please, I don’t want to spend anymore time worrying about you.”

#Severus Snape #Severus Snape x reader #Severus Snape oneshot #Harry Potter #Harry Potter oneshot #request #oneshot #one shot #x reader #severuss

[qianoir]

After Midnight 2 - Rhiannon

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: college dropout!Ten (WayV) x fem!reader

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: non-idol au, angst with fluff on top

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 13+

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: cursing (censored), lying, family problems, mentions death of reader's father, romance, this part determines the reader’s age but feel free to ignore

♡ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.5k

𝐓𝐚𝐠 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭: @staysstrays

Preview < 1 < 2

𝟏𝟎:𝟎𝟎 𝐀𝐌

Should I call him? No! What if it wasn't meant for me? Idiot, there was no one else in the café of course it was meant for you! What if it's a prank? It's probably the number to a McDonald’s or something. And if it's not..? What if he never comes into the café again?

You woke up in a freezing cold room with an acquainted boy named "Ten Lee" on your mind, contemplatively staring into his napkin before finally deciding to text him.

You typed the 11 digits into your phone.

Ok... now what do I say?

Hi Ten, this is Y/N from Décalcomanie.

Hi Ten, this is Y|

|

Why do I even care about this so much? It's just a text and for all I know this kid could be some kind of siren-vampire trying to seduce me with song lyrics at nighttime.. is that even possible?

Hi Mr. Lee this is Y/N from Décalcomanie.

Why so formal? Oh God I sent it..

It’s done.

You grabbed a towel and prepared a quick shower before continuing the rest of the morning. Intruding thoughts about Mr. Lee fill your mind under the water.. like.. why does he only visit the café at night? Your prior superstitious suspicions about him being a vampire fall back in mind.

At least if I get to be a vampire I can live this timeline as a doctor and make my mom happy, then be a dancer for eternity.

As much as you did not know about Ten, you still knew quite a bit about him. His favorite combination at the café is an iced Americano with pandan cake, his favorite color is black— you assume since it's the only color his outfits consist of, and he has a younger sister, which you found out after hearing him say 妹妹 over the phone one night.

The loud text notification sounds throughout the bathroom and you nearly slip trying to quickly finish your shower to check the new message.

Mom (Work)

My daughter! Your grandmother is sick, I am going to Incheon to bring her medicine and groceries so I need you to open the café today. I should be back to take over at 2 o’clock. Be careful on your own!

Unwrapping your body of your towel to dress into a nice outfit, you sighed knowing your Saturday would be another day spent on your sore feet. The café opens at 11 AM so you would only be working an extra few hours, but you hoped your mom would let you take a slice of delicacy home for the filial overtime.

“Aya!”

Another loud notification tone beamed from your phone, forcing your name brooch to prick at your fingertip. The screen luminated with an unknown number.

Contact Not Found

hihi Y/N! no need to be so formal with me! I'm only from ‘96 :)

Contact ‘TEN’ Added

TEN

are you free today? I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee and ice cream, if you're not sick of the smell yet ;p

You frowned remembering the plans your mother made for your day.

Y/N

I'm so sorry Ten my mom wants me to work opening for the café today :(

Figuring that was your ending, you packed a bag full of necessities for the day and walked to Décalcomanie.

TEN

why don't I come over there? the café serves bingsoo this time of year right? it’s barely the afternoon, not many people will be dining. we could still hang out if you’re down?

Butterflies soared in your stomach just like they do every night at 11:59 PM.

Y/N

Yeah that sounds perfect :)

TEN

okk see you soon!

Eek!

It felt so weird to think of seeing him in the daytime, especially after just mentally accusing him of being a bloodsucker.

Upon your entrance, the café was soon bright with morning light and you patiently awaited Ten’s arrival. Nearly an hour had gone by and there was no sign of him. You didn't think he would flake out, but you barely know each other so why wouldn't he?

Ten was right; it was pretty empty here this morning. You bent forward to hand one of the regular old women her tea in the Décalcomanie’s prettiest teacup upon your mother’s request of the best service for all of her regular customers.

The bell chimed with an open door. Your eyes blinked to the woman's upturned phone by her saucer.

𝟏𝟏:𝟓𝟗 𝐀𝐌

Could it be? You laughed at the irony in the thought, but when you looked up from the woman’s table, a rice cake cheeked boy stood across from you.

"I'm here!" He announced to the entire floor.

You bowed a greeting like you do for every customer and ushered him to the bar, "Sit down over here." where he sat in front of your standing form. "What type of bingsoo have you come in for, sir?" You teased.

"Coconut with vanilla ice cream! And.. two spoons?"

You blushed at the thought of sharing subtle intimacy with the fine young man before your eyes. You had only just met him, but you saw no harm in sharing a dessert with him as you would do with friends.. if you had them.

Nodding and running off to make the icy dessert, you heard the ripple of a writing pen. From the corner of your eye, peeked Ten orchestrating an English poem onto a stray napkin, his brown bangs falling on the bridge of his nose. These little actions made your heart jump; his passion for various styles of music felt so endearing to you.

You paid for the grandiose bowl of sugar and presented it to Ten. His phone lit up with a notification and you took notice of his wallpaper: Him with a disgusted looking boy that he was French kissing on the cheek. I'm not judging but.. whomst?

"Who's that?" You asked, handing him a spoon, taking another for yourself.

He glanced at his phone and blushed, breaking out in quiet giggles.

"That's my friend, Yangyang. We really enjoy our time together."

You hummed and smiled. They seem to have a good friendship, but you were still curious to know more about this Yangyang guy.

"So you attend university?" Ten asked before shoveling a high spoon of ice flakes into his mouth.

"I'm a sophomore at SNU." You replied, mirroring his bold eating style.

Ten spoke with surprised eyes, "Really!? That's a fancy school. Wow～ you must be really smart."

"Not really.. I'm studying dance. All I do is move my feet."

"I'm a dancer, too! It's a really hard and beautiful art, you shouldn't sell yourself short for being a part of it." He genuinely advised.

You looked down after thanking him for his kind words, suddenly feeling very bashful. "How old are you, by the way? You calling me Mr. Lee this morning is all I've been thinking about." You both laughed.

"I'm 20, turning 21 this year.” He nodded. "You're from ‘00? Yangyang is the same age as you!"  He exclaims.

"I’ve never met someone my age! How many friends do you have?"

"I have a few, but I’m closest to a specific six and we all live together."

"It must be nice to have so many friends. It’s been a little difficult for me to make friends this semester.." You stirred some melted ice cream around your side of the bowl, suddenly feeling very lonely in Ten’s personal presence.

"You should come over sometime! We love new friends!" He was pleading with his eyes for you to agree.

"Oh.. I don't want to intrude-" "No really! We would love to have your company. Here..." He flipped over the napkin he was previously writing on and scribbled a short address on it, sliding it over to you.

"You should come by tomorrow evening. 5 o'clock if it works for you." Ten says before finishing off the last bit of flavored dairy in the bowl.

You scanned over the inked napkin in your hand.

97 Saemunanro, Sinmunno 1 il-ga, Jongnogu, Seoul

"It's apartment number 117. Just call me when you get there because we may not be able to hear your knocks over the screaming." You looked at him in slight concern, but he only smiled in return.

Ten took out his card to pay for the bingsoo, but you stopped him. "Oh I already paid for the both of us!"

"Aww you didn't have to," Ten frowned, but handed me $20 anyways, "Here take this at least. A tip for my favorite barista." He winked and ran out of the café before you could protest.

"REMEMBER 5 O'CLOCK!"

Ten shouted, bumping into a man, who cursed at him, profusely bowing on the way out. You shook your head at his silliness and flipped the napkin over to a pretty poem.

She is like a cat in the dark and then

she is the darkness

She rules her life like a fine skylark

and when the sky is starless

To Be Continued…

Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac

𝘲𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘳

#wayv x reader #ten x reader #nct x reader #wayv imagines #wayv angst #wayv fluff #ten imagines #ten angst #ten fluff

[oureuphoria]

Worst of You - JJK 01

You meet him under horrible circumstances but that doesn’t stop you from developing a very abnormal and completely unsolicited crush on your local hot police officer™. Too bad you have a bitch of a best friend, anxiety and an inability to learn from your mistakes which cripples your chances to be with the man of your literal dreams. Oh, and he has a lifetime’s worth of baggage at 23.  Or “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” “Cool, I’ll let everyone know that you’re moving in then.”

Genre: fluff, angst, comedy 

Pairing: officer!jungkook X collegestudent!reader

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: Mentions of violence (stab wound), mentions of anxiety, swearing

Note: I was watching B99 and I was like ‘Woah, Jungkook would be a hot cop,’ and now we’re here. 

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |

If someone had asked you to write a novel about the adventures of your life, it would be extremely thin. Not from your lack of experiences (although it is a pressing factor) but more so from your inability to think about yourself for longer than 3 minutes without feeling sick. You were not a particularly hateful person, especially not towards yourself, but you were an active and anxious thinker and your mind was often boggled with thoughts about what you could’ve or have done wrong and it was exasperating.

For example, occasionally, your professors would allow students to spectate professional research experiments and that month, you were selected (out of pity because Alex was selected and the Professor knew she was your only friend). You knew this was supposed to be an “interesting learning experience” but it was a complete and utter bore. At first you’d convinced yourself it was only boring because you were hungry, then you began to realise it was boring because your singular braincell could not comprehend such complex material on an empty stomach.

So, you left the room to go to McDonald’s, for educational purposes of course. That was where you went wrong because instead of peacefully enjoying your McChicken you were dealing with your phone which was blowing up with messages from Alex about how you were missing ever so much from the research lab. However, it seemed to you that perfectly cut fries were more interesting than watching microscopic cells bounce around in a microscope for an hour.

It turned out that watching microscopic cells bounce around in a microscope for an hour was worth a lot of credits and you wallowed in self-pity for the mere 24-hours that followed that realisation.

You had fucked up once again, only three days after witnessing all 3 minutes of the splendid research experiment. It was a Saturday and you were standing outside your dorm building watching a student yell at a stray cat. It was around 2 in the morning and you were sneaking back from your late shift at the convenience store. Usually, you would have been terrified and confused but you were so tired that you violently pinched your arm and blinked rapidly, hoping it was just an illusion. When the peculiar scene didn’t disappear, you realised this was real but it was too late since the man was now sprinting after you across your quiet and empty campus.

Four years ago, if someone had told your 16-year-old self to participate in your P.E classes because you would later be chased by a crazy man at 2am then you surely would’ve listened. But unfortunately, no one had done such a thing and you were beginning to realise just how regrettable that was. Your running performance was mediocre at best, definitely not fast enough to out run this man across an extremely large campus and you were beginning to lose your breath.

Your only option was to quit while you were ahead and either find somewhere to hide or use your very non-existent combat skills to karate kick the man into the other dimension. Naturally, you hid behind the giant administrator building. As you were finally behind the safe confines of the old brick wall you moved to reach for your phone when you heard an alarming scream. As much as your brain wanted to relish in the relief that the scream wasn’t coming from you, you couldn’t shake the instant guilt. You called the police and tried to sound as reliable as possible but your voice was dripping with fear and you stuttered over your words like a toddler.

Once you were able to clearly see the student, lying on the lawn in pain with what appeared to be a stab wound the guilt completely consumed you but part of you couldn’t even believe this was real. Students woke up from the deafening sounds of sirens and it wasn’t long before this would become a commotion so the officers made quick work of the scene, the ambulance moving him to their van and the police officers continuing their reports. You were asked to go to the station where you would be further questioned by another officer and you didn’t quite understand the need for that escalation but you compiled nonetheless. You didn’t need the police and your conscience to think you were guilty.

You were seated in the backseat of a police car, behind two male officers. Their conversation fell numbly to your ears, your mind already submerged deeply in thought. You didn’t snap out of your trance until the officers repeatedly called for you. “Did you know the boy? The one who was, uh, attacked?” The officer was trying to find the right terms and you commend him for that much, but the last part felt more like an unsure question than a statement and that didn’t sit well with you. “No.” Your answer deadpanned the chance of a conversation, the silence after being the proof. The drive continued for about 3 minutes before you stood at the information desk where you were asked to join the secretary on a walk to the interrogation room. “The officer will be with you shortly. Would you like anything to drink?” She spoke curtly, the annoyed look on her face told you she’d already done this too many times. “No thanks, I’m fine.”

You were confused and guilty and scared. None of this made any sense, you - who never, ever, experienced anything outside your boring routine - was now being questioned for an attack? You were convinced you were borderline insane and that this was just a horrible dream. But, with every tic of the annoying clock on the plain wall behind you, you grew less convinced that this was anything but reality.

“Hello.” The officer walked in, and suddenly you felt like you were in some sick, twisted rom-com because that man might have been the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. You didn’t mean to become distracted but he looked like he’d just walked out of a magic mike production and you were frankly astonished because this had to be a dream. His eyes were dark but they shined in the light beautifully, however the furrow in his eyebrows scared you enough to stop staring at his eyes. His build was clearly very developed, he looked like you could bench press you 40 times over and not even break a sweat. Or maybe he was just really fucking hot.

“My name is Officer Jeon and I’m here to ask you a couple of questions, I don’t want you to feel afraid or pressured, just answer me honestly and you’ll be fine.” Although he’d meant to sound soft and reassuring his words sounded more like an indirect threat. A threat that you heard loud and clear. You gulped quietly, the dryness in your throat mocking you as you recalled rejected the offer for a drink. You nodded when you realised he was expecting an answer but it clearly wasn’t enough. “I need you to use your voice at all times in here, this could be used in court and we need you to be very clear so nothing is misinterpreted. Do you understand?” You wanted to cry. All you’d had in plan for the night was to get to your dorm, eat some 99 cent ramen and go to sleep yet here you were at 3 in the morning in an interrogation room for an attack you weren’t even sure you ‘witnessed’. “Yup.”

“Great, then let’s begin. Can you start by stating your name and age?” “Y/N, L/N. 20.” You nearly stuttered which would have been beyond embarrassing. You seriously couldn’t even manage your own name? “Alright, Miss L/N. Why were you out so late?” You paused for a moment to rehearse your answer but you couldn’t quite get it all out. “I work at a convenience store.” You gestured to your name tag for effect and he nodded, writing something down in his notepad.

“How often do you work there?” The question was irrelevant, unrelated and the first tell-tale sign that you were not a witness; you were a suspect. However, you were too tired to notice. “Twice a week. 4pm-2am.” “You live in the dormitories, correct?” You nodded but he gave you a pointed look that reminded you to use words. “Yes.” “2 shifts a week can’t possibly sustain you. How do you pay your dorm fees?” This was when your tired brain began picking up on the fact that you weren’t just a witness. “I tutor high school kids. It pays enough.” He didn’t reply, just wrote something down in his notepad again - an action which was beginning to make you anxious.

“When you were interrogated by the field officer you told him that you were hiding behind the administration building when you’d heard the victim scream, why were you hiding there?” “I was hiding from the uh, a-attacker.” “How did you encounter him before that?” “I already answered this…” You were visibly nervous which couldn’t have looked very promising. “Then you won’t mind answering again.” His tone was menacing and if you weren’t already very intimidated by his role and demeanour then his strikingly good looks would have done the job. You’ve always been very intimidated by attractive people which proved to an insane burden.

“I was returning to my dorm block when I saw him yelling at a cat, he saw me and began to lunge my way so I started to run but I’m not very good at running so I hid behind the building instead. I was in the process of calling the police when I heard the scream and I didn’t move until the police came.” He seemed unsatisfied with your answer but that was understandable. Your monologue wasn’t confidentially given, you stuttered and stumbled over your words consistently out of anxiety, but he didn’t know that and probably thought you were the very thing you had been running from.

“How did you know that the man chasing you was a student? You said he was in the initial questioning.” “I wasn’t sure. It was 2am and he was standing on a student campus, outside a student dormitory. So, I assumed he was a student.” Your tone was a little vindictive, possibly from the frustration of being labeled as a suspect for a crime you were positive you didn’t commit. “Did you know the student who was attacked?” “No. When can I leave?” The question came out rushed and on impulse but you didn’t care. You were far too tired to. “When I ask all my questions.” You nodded absentmindedly, focusing on the plain table instead.

“You think I did it, don’t you?” Tears were welling up in your eyes but you were too dehydrated to cry.  “Right now you’re only a minor suspect, these are routine questions we have to ask and I really don’t see the issue with them if you’re truly innocent.” That surely shut you up, and made you feel a little stupid. Normally a question like that would never come from you but your exhaustion was taking a toll on your patience, and it was a heavy toll at that. “I’m sorry.” His angry features softened at your shaky voice. “How about we continue this tomorrow. Is 2pm okay for you?” You spaced out again, which was probably why he wanted to continue the interrogation the next day. “Is that okay?” He repeated, this time more pressing, you nodded but were quick to once again correct yourself and mutter a quick “yes” before you grabbed your backpack and suppressed the urge to Naruto run out of the room.

You walked out of the double doors only to be met with the dark night sky and a creeping fear that there was someone following you. You walked home from your shift every Friday and Saturday night and until that day nothing extremely bad had happened. Yet here you were cowardly glancing over your shoulder with every chance you got. You hated walking at night because your paranoia constantly slowed you down and what should’ve been a 10- minute walk turned into a 23-minute walk. It didn’t help that your recent encounter kept replaying in your head, the image of the poor victim on the floor vividly appearing every time you blinked.

As you rolled yourself up in a blanket burrito to escape the dark amiss of the night (more or less your own thoughts), you began to lull yourself into a soft sleep before your roommate, Alex, rudely barged into your room with little concern for your sleep.. “What happened? Why did you leave with the officers? Everyone’s talking about it you know, you’re on everyone’s snapchat story and your clothes really aren’t that flattering.” “A student got attacked and I was the only kind-of witness. The officers wanted to do some further questioning and how many times must I tell you its the uniform.” She sighed in relief before crushing you with a hug. “I’m glad you’re okay.” You suffocated under her grasp but you knew better than to try to fight Alex. She left the room to allow you to sleep but not before rambling about how she assumed you had turned into a rogue murderer.

#jungkook #jungkook imagine #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts reactions #jungkook fic #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #bts #bts fic #this is my first time writing pls be nice

[the-flowerwolf]

"I won't let him hurt you again" Part 2

Jake x fem!Mc

Mc knew that everything would end well and they would be home soon, but she couldn't help but be afraid that the man without a face would hurt one of them before they were rescued.

When she awoke from the blow to the head, it was night. Early in the morning, a crack in the metal door opened and a bag of food was thrown. But Mc didn't want to eat. She didn't want to touch what he was touching. To follow his rules. It was too much.

Hannah calmly went to the package and opened it.

"The man without a face seems very happy to have you with us now, Mc," she said. "We have a good catch today."

She and Jake sat down on one of the old mattresses that served as beds. There were only two mattresses, so Hanna and Mc had to share one of them. Mc remained sitting on her mattress.

Hannah and Jake looked at each other in worry.

"Let's go eat, Mc," Jake said softly.

"I'm not hungry," she said. Mc was sick of even looking at this food. The man without a face didn't bother much - he bought the cheapest food from McDonald's. And this is what Hannah and Jake have been eating all this time?

Jake sighed. He looked at her as if he wanted to say something, but changed his mind.

"We'll leave it for you to eat when you're hungry," Hannah said.

Mc looked at them. The siblings seem to have stopped taking any action to escape. Or it just looked like it. Or maybe they didn't try to escape at all? Well, no, it's unlikely.

Jake looked at her awkwardly. He wanted to comfort Mc, tell that everything was going to be all right, and protect her from everything. He wondered now if it was worth it. Was it worth listening to Hannah, dragging a strange girl who was just living her own quiet life into all of this? He had dragged her into this, and it was his fault that she was sitting here, underground, with a tiny hope that they would be found.

And how could he ruin himself? He, Jake, had been imprisoned for a long time. Even before the man without a face found him, he felt that he was doomed. And all because of one girl whose face he only saw in photos and whose voice he only heard when the kidnapper called her.

But how could he not fall in love with her?

And, worst of all, Jake thought that Mc also fell in love with him. It could all be a simple flirtation, and that's what he thought most of the time... But sometimes their conversations became more personal, the words ambiguous, and Jake no longer knew what to believe.

And now, after all this, she was sitting there, just a few steps away from him, and Jake felt helpless. Should he hug her? What borders can he cross?

On the other hand, Mc wanted nothing more than to just fall into Jake's arms and never let go. But she was afraid of his reaction, and at the same time uncomfortable with Hannah's presence.

Well, Hannah saw all the embarrassed looks and quick smiles and was already thinking about how she could help her brother.

When Jake was caught, he told her everything. He also told them about the mysterious Mc that helped them search for her. In fact, Jake almost always talked about her.

Jake and MC needed to talk in private, so Hanna decided to give them the opportunity. When she finished, she stood up and yawned.

"I'd like to go to sleep... It was a long night"

She went to her and Mc's mattress and Mc had to get up and sit next to Jake. They looked at each other awkwardly.

Hannah actually lay down and tried to fall asleep as quickly as possible. She wasn't lying, the night was long, and she was tired.

Jake and Mc sat awkwardly in silence until they heard a soft snore.

"So," Mc began, "You asked Hannah why she sent Thomas my number?"

"She... She dialed the wrong number. Wanted to send him mine."

"Oh..."

Again there was silence.

"Jake, I..."

"Mc, I..."

They laughed softly.

"Ladies first."

"Oh, you're a gentleman, Mr. Hackerman!" Mc giggled, "I wanted to say... That I'm glad you're okay. I mean, as much as possible in this situation. When he sent me your picture I was so scared! I don't think I've ever been so afraid for anyone in my life! If something had happened to you-"

Jake quickly took her hands in his.

"But nothing happened. I'm fine. I'm so sorry you had to go through this! I'm sorry for dragging you into this..."

"It's not your fault. I chose to help you with the search, I came here and went into the mine myself!"

These words, however, did not seem to convince Jake. He looked like an unhappy puppy and guilt was written all over his face. It was so sweet and heartbreaking that Mc couldn't help but hug him tightly.

"It's not your fault, do you hear? You didn't force me, I dragged myself into this... I don't regret anything. If I had just blocked your numbers that day, I wouldn't have met any amazing new friends... I would never have met you."

Jake pulled her closer.

"I'm such a fool. And weak. If I could rewrite that day, would I be able to give up on you? I don't think I would have had the strength. I'm not good enough for you."

"But you are good enough! You don't need to be perfect or protect me from all the troubles in the world! Just stay with me, that will be enough."

"You make me so soft, Mc. How do you do that?" Jake asked, laughing softly. Mc heard the tears in his voice.

"I just love you, silly."

She felt his body tighten, but then he relaxed again. Jake sighed.

"I love you too."

#duskwood #duskwood everbyte #jack duskwood #jake x mc #mc duskwood

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #463

“the siren sings a lonely song of all the wants & hungers  /  the lust of love, a brute desire”

Describe the person that you would like to be in three years. I want my mental health to be in great condition, I really want to be in much better physical shape, ideally be living with somebody in our own place, have a job I'm happy with, have an improved social life, my own license and car... Think back to when you first met your significant other (or ex). Was your first impression of them accurate? It's funny, I honestly don't remember what my first impression of Girt was. I don't even recall our first interaction. I'm sure it was most likely that he was friendly, because he is and always has been. What is your most noticeable personality trait? Probably that I'm really, really shy. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Which of your family members do you resemble the most? I guess one of my immediate sisters? People tend to say stuff like they can definitely tell we're related. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Who knows you better than anyone else? Hell, probably whoever reads these. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? I guess you could call dating Girt a "new chapter." I have a much, much stronger feeling of this attempt being more successful than the last now that I've been able to change my angle on how I see him. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? I don't have my own vehicle and never have. If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you choose? *shrug* Most products of highly expensive brands I find hideous anyway. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? Yeah. One is a close family friend and actually our landlord. Does your family still use the home phone or are you all on cell phones now? We haven't had a landline is yeeeeaaarrrrsssss. Ever go to another school’s prom? No; my boyfriend went to the same school as me. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do there? No; we live in the city now. :/ When I DID live in the woods, I absolutely loved wandering around with my camera for stuff to take pics of. Does your significant other ever make you mix CDs? None ever have but omg I wish that would be adorable. How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I was one of them emo kids. Would you ever date your best friend of the opposite sex? WELP that's what I'm doing lol. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? I'd call it normal? Higher sometimes, lower other times, but not to either extreme. Come with an unpopular opinion. Silent Hill: Homecoming is a great game and while there's a lot of fan service from the movie, it belongs in the series. It's actually my second (or third)-favorite installment. Most of the SH community absolutely hate that game. What’s the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? A lot of shit Colleen would say if we got into arguments. She'd ridicule effects of my depression, said I'd never know what it's like to pay my own bills, stuff like that. She's hateful as fuck and everything cut deep. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc. Nothing physical. If you got the chance, would you audition for a reality show? No. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight? More than once. What’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever experienced irl? Hm, I'm unsure. Favorite flavor of jelly bean? Probably watermelon. Do you use Tinder? If yes, have you ever met up with someone you matched? No. You do you, but if I understand Tinder correctly, it just seems... really shallow to me. Like don't you JUST see their picture to decide if you're interested or not? It just enforces the false belief that appearance really matters in love. You just poured your heart out to your crush and all he/she does is respond “k”. What do you respond/do? Well, I don't have a crush anymore; my boyfriend and I literally exchanged "I love you"s last night. That's not a crush. But for the sake of the question, I'll imagine I was single and this happened, in which case I would be both hurt and annoyed. Like, either tell me you return the feelings or not. It's not hard. What's your favorite thing to order from McDonald’s? I usually get a quarter pounder w/ cheese or a McDouble, occasionally with a small or medium fry, depending on how hungry I am. When do you feel your sexiest? Never, hunny. What's your favorite emoji? I don't really have one? It just depends on what the situation calls for. What’s your skincare routine? I don't really have one... I just use a washcloth to clean my face. Who all out of your immediate family smokes? My dad and stepmom. Do you like incense or candles better? Incense, totally. Do you respect your parents? Yeah. What’s your bf/gf’s name? It's technically Donald Jr., but since high school, I've known him as Girt, a nickname I won't explain for his privacy. Do you wear glasses? Yeah. Do you like The Beatles? I honestly don't. Except "Hey, Jude." What was the last reason you got excited? Last night. When we were saying goodbye, I was scared to, but I told Girt I loved him, and he immediately said it back confidently. My heart did like five flips. I'm still over the moon about it. Yes, we just got back together, but we've been in each other's lives as a constant since HS, and after changing my angle of how I looked at him, it's not at all platonic anymore. Do you know anyone who drinks the pickle juice from the jar? Sara does alskdjfklwejrl;er Name something crazy that’s happened recently? Uhhhh... I dunno. My life is very uneventful to have something really "crazy" happen. Can you say for a fact that you’re happy right now? I'm happy about some things, but also nervous and self-doubtful. Have you ever zip lined? No, but they look fun. I'd just be really scared of losing my grip. If you broke your computer, would you be able to fix it on your own? Ha, no. Have you ever been on a boat and got sick? No, but the one time I was at the beach and on a boat riding to an island, I was TERRIFIED I was going to get sick because of the waves. I didn't, thankfully. Did you sleep well last night? For the most part. My new mask might just be working. Do your parents try and plan your life for you? Not at all. Do you have any pictures of you kissing someone? Yes. List two things about yourself that you find embarrassing. My weight and how dark my leg hair is. Do you like to cuddle with your pet when you are sad? Yes. Do you find piercing attractive or unattractive? h o t Do you have any secret hiding spots in your room? To put money, yes. Do you like parmesan cheese on your spaghetti? Ew, no. I don't like parmesan. Does your best girl friend have any talents that you don’t? Yeah. She can animate well, for one. And sing like a fucking champ. Do you have any video game systems in your room? Which one(s)? My Nintendo DS Lite is in here. Well, and my laptop is a gaming one. What color eyes does the last person you kissed have? ... Oh WOW I've known this man for a fuckin decade and somehow I'm not sure??? But I want to say light blue? Have you ever taken a ride in a helicopter? No. Have you ever visited hot springs? No. How slowly or quickly would you say you eat? I'm aware I eat too fast, because my mom will point it out almost without fail if we eat in sight of each other. I'm not a messy eater at all, just... fast. Chewing your food and swallowing isn't a complex task. I've made active efforts to slow down, I just haven't been able to succeed. It doesn't feel normal. That and I've come to discover that when I chew food TOO much, I don't like the mushy texture of it in my mouth. What did you do the last time you were with friends? Yesterday Girt and I planned to watch shitty Netflix anime for some laughs, but we wound up starting Attack on Titan, which I am officially pretty into. What kind of cologne/perfume do you like the opposite sex to wear? I don't care if they wear any or not, so long as they know how to clean themselves and therefore not actually smell bad. If you celebrate Christmas, do you get a real tree or an artificial tree? We always use a fake one. Is there someone who means a lot to you but they don’t know that? My sisters probably don't, really... Is money important to you? Live your whole life poor and I want to see you answer "no" to this. Have you ever watched a meteor shower? No. Do you like Slim Jims? LOOOOOOOVE them. Would you rather write a mystery or love story? Love story. Are you muscular? No. Working for it. Do you have one of those removable hand-held shower heads? Yes. Originally, this house didn't, but I hated it so much that Mom bought one. How many burners does your stove have? Four. Has your car ever been broken into? Mom's hasn't.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''blood milk and sky'' by white zombie

[katblu42]

The End?

This is something I wrote for a creative writing competition. The challenge was to write something (within a week) starting at the end and working back to the beginning. For some reason the prompt/challenge sparked this little piece, which is pretty much non-fiction. I guess it came at a time when the subject matter was on my mind. I wanted to post it now because a related anniversary is coming up.

There are warnings!!! Please heed the tags. Death, Sickness, Hospitals, Cancer. (If more warnings/tags are needed please let me know so I can make appropriate edits!)

Below the cut for length and warnings.

This was not how their story was supposed to end. There were still so many chapters they had hoped to write together, so many journeys toward possible futures that they had imagined spending side by side. She never anticipated being a childless widow before she had even turned forty-two. She’d never considered being faced with a hopeless situation, or the unenviable decision to allow them to stop treatment and let him slip away. Treatments that could prolong his life a little, but not fix him. Their plans had never included his hand desperately clinging to hers as she tearfully told him it was okay for him to let go and leave her behind.

He had wanted to fight. It broke her heart that there was nothing the combined efforts of all the medical staff could do to support his fight. It was a losing battle. His body was giving up on him, organs shutting down even though his mind was not ready to give up. The three weeks he lasted in the ICU had left him battle-scarred and exhausted, but he had still not wanted to give in, or let her down.

His Forty-second birthday was less than a week before the end. It was spent with family, visiting two by two according to ICU visitor limits. He was barely able to communicate by then, his lips scabbed and bloody, and a ventilator tube in his throat inserted by tracheostomy. The medical team had not wanted the tube to remain in his mouth any longer, but he was too weak to breathe on his own.

He had been off the ventilator for a while, during one of the hopeful moments. They’d been able to remove the breathing tube, and they had been able to reduce the blood pressure medication for a while. His temperature had stabilised and she’d focused on the improvements, encouraging him to think positive. Facing the alternative had been unthinkable.

She had put such hope in the drug she’d had to sign permission for them to administer – one that had to be shipped urgently from interstate, that had approval for use in the US, but not here. They had told her it was possible too much time had passed for the reversal drug to be fully effective. It had been more than five days since the chemo treatment which now needed reversing had ended.

Hope was all she’d had at that point. Seeing him finally settled in Intensive Care with all the monitors and their beeps and alarms, the ventilator with its click and hiss, the hum of the heat pump regulating his temperature, the blood transfusion and IV lines all keeping her unconscious husband alive, she had to cling to every scrap of hope she could. His immune system was so compromised she had to wear the gown and gloves and mask just to sit in the corner of the room and let the silent tears fall.

The ICU waiting room was deserted during the wee hours. She and her Mum stayed until dawn before buzzing the door intercom to enquire about seeing him. His Dad had left after the surgeon had spoken to them all some hours before, explaining that in his current state surgery was not a viable option for the infection in his gut. The previous wait in Emergency had been shorter, and the waiting room slightly more comfortable, but the constant worry and the lack of information had been excruciating.

Two ambulances had attended their tiny unit in answer to her call, such was the seriousness of his condition. Despite having four uniformed people fussing over her husband, she had not been given much information about what was happening. She’d been instructed to get all his medication together to bring with her to the hospital, then left to change out of her pyjamas while they loaded him into an ambulance. All this happened in a blur of action and confusion. Less than 20 minutes before they all headed to the hospital she had been performing chest compressions on him on the tiled floor of their cramped bathroom.

The Emergency Services operator on the other end of the phone had talked her through the CPR procedure. She’d learned it years before in first aid training, but having to actually perform the chest compressions on someone she loved was still horrifyingly daunting. He hadn’t stopped breathing, but the ES operator had assured her CPR was necessary because his gasping breaths had been so far apart.

She had never had to call an ambulance for anyone before, but it didn’t take a genius to see she needed help. His level of responsiveness had decreased so rapidly after she’d found him slumped forward sitting on the toilet, unable to sit up unaided. The yellow tinge to his skin had startled her. He had cried out to her in such a way that instinct had brought her rushing from the loungeroom without taking a moment to process anything more than the feeling that something was very wrong.

He had just wanted to sleep, so she tried to give him space to do that, sitting quietly in the loungeroom while he stayed in the darkened bedroom. He had refused to let her bring him something to eat, which had concerned her. She’d offered to call the hospital for advice, knowing he was uncomfortable and wanting to make sure he was okay, but he had refused to let her, insisting that there was no need to make a fuss. She’d arrived home from work around five, and suspected he had been in bed all day, “just feeling a bit yuck.” Later she would feel so much guilt for not trusting her instinct to get help for him then.

For the first couple of days after his chemo treatment ended he had seemed okay, feeling upbeat, acting normal. He had been in high spirits despite the prospect of months of treatment still ahead. There had been a little grumbling about feeling a little bit off, but that was to be expected, right?

His first (and only) round of chemo had been a five day affair. Three medications, two of which had been administered within a day at the clinic and the third he had carried around in a little pack while it slowly released over the five days. The plan had been laid out by the oncology team, with lots of consultations and discussions during the preceding weeks. He was to have two or three rounds of the chemo drugs, then radiation treatment would begin. Combination therapy to treat the cancers in his mouth and throat.

There had been months of discomfort, reducing his ability to eat properly, or enjoy food. He had lost a considerable amount of weight before she had been able to convince him to finally go and see a doctor and find out what was wrong. He’d always been the type to avoid going to a doctor unless he was literally at death’s door. She knew that part of what had held him back for so long was the fear that it could be something serious.

He didn’t want to ruin their holiday, but he promised he would see someone about the sore throat when they got back from the Gold Coast. It was only a week spent away, but they had visited all their favourite haunts. This was one of their regular holiday spots during their ten year marriage. They always felt like big kids, visiting the theme parks and the beaches, playing mini golf, messing about in the resort pool.

The two of them had been lucky to share many little trips away over the years. They’d had many more days of laughter and smiles than they’d had of tears and troubles. There had been precious gifts exchanged between them – but not many in a physical form she could lay her hands on. Each of them had broadened the other’s horizons, sparking interest in new experiences, sharing the activities and pass-times they loved.

Their wedding day had been filled with fun and friends and family. She had seen then how many people his bright and generous personality drew to him. So many people had wanted to share in their joy, and had told her she would never find a more loyal and loving mate. All the elegance and finery, the colour and music, the celebration of their union had been a wonderful way to begin their journey hand in hand to the future.

His proposal on the beach, early in the morning in a place he had been holidaying with his family every year since he was tiny, had taken her by surprise. He had asked her to come with him for a walk. They had travelled quite a long way up the beach, just watching the waves crash on the shore, listening to the shrieks of the gulls and making small talk. Then he had dropped to one knee and asked the question. She needed a moment to take in what was happening. His heart just about stopped, thinking she was hesitating. She had said yes, and put him out of his nervous agony.

Their first “proper” date was a walk to the local McDonalds for burgers and sundaes. Neither of them had much money, so neither had wanted to go anywhere fancy. She had been happy with the little things – like the way he always walked beside her on the footpath placing himself between her and the busy road. He was not rich, nor did he have impressive style or a brainiac’s intelligence, but he was open and funny and kind and she wanted to spend time with him.

She hadn’t ever been to the trivia night at the local bowling club, so she wasn’t sure what to expect, or how it all worked. The lady who hosted the quiz gave her an answer sheet and steered her towards a table, telling her the young man with the twinkle in his blue eyes, and the dimpled smile would look after her. That was the moment their story had begun.

#creative writing #tw death #tw hospital #tw cancer #tw sickness #two years without him come Sunday

[longitudinalwaveme]

A Pipe Dream

The Flash stars in: A Pipe Dream

Dramatis Personae

Wally West, the garrulous, impulsive, and friendly third Flash

Joan Garrick, Jay Garrick’s wife, who is patient, loving, and supportive of everyone

Iris Allen, Barry Allen’s wife, an inquisitive daredevil reporter

The Pied Piper, alias Hartley Rathaway, a Robin Hood-esque thief

The Top, alias Roscoe Dillon, an arrogant, elitist, and top-obsessed criminal

Weather Wizard, alias Mark Mardon, an overconfident, rather stupid robber

Heat Wave, alias Mick Rory, a dim, shockingly gentle pyromaniac

Script

Act I

(Joan and Iris are onstage)

Iris: So, how’s Jay?

Joan: He’s doing well enough, I suppose, but, to be honest, I’m a little worried about him. He keeps claiming that he’s retired from crime fighting, but every time I turn around, he’s wearing that silly hat of his and racing off to fight bank robbers or carjackers or giant, murderous, telepathic gorillas. It was one thing when he was fifty, but now he’s 99 years old, and the doctors say that his heart won’t be able to take much more of his running at super speed.

Iris: What does he say about that?

Joan: That (strikes a heroic pose) “ it will be a pleasure to die in the line of duty.”

Iris: (Laughs) That sounds just like Barry.

Joan: I know, and it’s not funny. Our husbands spend so much time saving everyone else that they never stop to worry about themselves.

Iris: I guess that’s true-but hey, that’s part of what we’re here for, to make sure our husbands take some “me time” occasionally.

Joan: In speaking of husbands, how’s Barry?

Iris: He’s not doing so well. He came down with the flu a few days ago, and I’ve been going crazy trying to keep him from leaving his bed so that he can go fight crime.

Joan: Oh, I’ve had that happen with Jay before. Once, when he had pneumonia, he heard about a shoplifting ring, and I had to call in Ted and Alan-you know them as Wildcat and the original Green Lantern-to physically restrain him so that he wouldn’t leave the house to go stop them.

Iris: Well, I haven’t had to resort to calling the Justice League to restrain Barry yet, so things could be worse.

Joan: You’re right. Things could be worse. We could be having to deal with two sick speedsters each. Or a sick Superman!

Iris: Man, that would be a nightmare. I have no idea how that Lois Lane woman does it.

Joan: Maybe Clark just doesn’t get sick. After all, he isn’t a human, so maybe our diseases don’t affect him and he’s as invulnerable to getting sick as he is to everything else.

Iris: Maybe so.

(Enter Wally)

Wally: Hi, Joan. Hi, Aunt Iris. (Sneezes) How are you?

Iris: Hi, Wally. We’re doing all right. How are you?

Wally: I’m fine, but Linda and the kids all have the flu (Sneezes) and the twins also both have strep. (Sneezes) It sure is lucky that I don’t get sick, or we’d have a real mess on our hands.

Iris: Um, Wally, are you sure you’re not sick?

Wally: Yeah, I’m sure. (Sneezes three times) I never get sick. I had perfect attendance all throughout school, and you can check my records if you don’t believe me.

Joan: Can you at least try to take it easy, Wally?

Wally: I can’t do that! Jay’s retired and Uncle Barry has the flu, and someone has to protect the city! Besides, I can’t deny my adoring fans the chance to see me because I have a few sniffles. (Sneezes) I’ll be fine!

Iris: (To Joan) Is there a single superhero in the entire world who actually rests when they get sick?

Joan: Speaking from experience, I don’t think there is.

Wally: I said that I’m fine! (Sneezes) So, do you want to get lunch? I’m starving!

Iris: Wally, it’s 8:00 in the morning!

Wally: Okay, so let’s get brunch!

Iris: But I just ate breakfast!

Wally: I don’t follow. (Sneezes) I just ate breakfast, too, and I’m already hungry again.

Joan: Wally, dear, you have to consume 980,000 calories per day just to survive, so you have to eat almost constantly. We simply don’t have the appetite or the metabolism to keep up with you.

Wally: Oh, right. I forget that fact a lot-especially (Sneezes) since my kids inherited my metabolism and have to (Sneezes) eat even more than I do.

Iris: It’s all right, Wally.

Wally: So, um, do you want to go to McDonalds with me (Sneezes) and watch me eat? With Linda and the kids all sick, I’ve been cooped up in the house for a week, and I’m going stir-crazy!

Iris: I suppose so. After all, with Barry sick, I haven’t been able to get out much, either.

Joan: I’ll go, too. After all, if you really are sick despite your claims, someone needs to keep an eye on you so that you don’t run yourself into the ground.

Wally: Great! I love you guys so much, and I can’t wait to sink my teeth into (Sneezes) 340 Big Macs! I love McDonalds food!

Iris: (Shakes head) Never change, Wally. Never change.

(Exit All)

Act II

(The Pied Piper is onstage, playing an instrument. Enter the Top)

Top: Top of the morning to you, Piper.

Piper: Oh, good, you were able to make it. Did you have any trouble getting here?

Top: No. There is not a person in this city who would dare inconvenience the Top.

Piper: What about our friends in the red pajamas?

Top: Don’t make me laugh, Piper. The old one is feeble and retired, the young one is impulsive and stupid, and the only one that poses a threat has the flu, and therefore cannot be on top of his game. They could not bother me if they tried. What of you, my friend? Are you still in tip- top shape, or has your life spun out of control?  

Piper: I’m as fit as a fiddle, Roscoe. The Flashes have no reason to hunt down a peaceable man who steals money from drug lords and self-absorbed starlets and gives it to the poor. In fact, if I could only make them realize that the real villains are the members of the 1% who enrich themselves at the expense of the poor, we would be good friends.

Top: But I heard you were homeless?

Piper: I am.

Top: How, exactly, did that come to pass?

Piper: Well, after my last heist, I was going to buy an apartment for myself, but while I was on my way to buying it, I saw a very pregnant woman with two small children crying, and when I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she was trying to escape from her abusive boyfriend but that she had no money, and so I gave her the money and told her to use it to make a good life for herself and her children, and so I was unable to buy anything.

Top: You gave all of the money away?

Piper: Of course! They needed it more than I did.

Top: You, sir, are a fool. This is the fifth time that you have given up a permanent home to help some wretch-the fifth time!

Piper: Roscoe, you of all people should understand what it is like to be an outcast. How can you criticize my desire to help others that the world has forgotten?

Top: Because I am a genius, something that decidedly does not apply to the people for whom you constantly risk your freedom and your own safety.

Piper: Roscoe, my early life was spent in scandalous luxury, luxury that my parents took at the expense of the poor who helped build their empire. It’s only fair that I go without to help them now. (Pause) So, do you know if anyone else is coming to our little meeting?

Top: No. I do not concern myself with the behavior of lesser men like them.

(Enter Heat Wave)

Heat Wave: Hi, Piper! Hi, Top! Seeing you two really warms my heart! (Hugs Piper)

Piper: Mick, I love hugs, but…I….can’t….breathe!

Heat Wave: Oh, sorry. (Releases him)

Piper: Hi, Mick. How have you been?

Heat Wave: I’m okay. I was burning up with fever a couple days ago, but I’m all better now.

Piper: I’m glad to hear that. Do you know if any of the others are coming?

Heat Wave: Captain Cold won’t be here. He’s got a bad case of the chills , and besides, he’s still in prison, and so is Mirror Master. They say hi.

Piper: And what about Glider?

Top: My love is on vacation in the Bahamas. She won’t be able to come.

Piper: Wait. I thought you said that you didn’t know if anyone else could come!

Top: Did I? Oh. My apologies.

Piper: (To Heat Wave) Do you know if Digger is coming?

Heat Wave: He won’t be coming. He broke his leg and told me that he didn’t feel like messing with crutches when I brought him chocolate and flowers.

Piper: Okay, and what about Mardon?

Heat Wave: I don’t know. Last I heard, he was feeling a little under the weather.

(Enter Weather Wizard)

Wizard: Nope, I’m as right as rain!

Piper: Hi, Mark!

Wizard: Hi, Piper! Hey, Mick.

Heat Wave: How’ve you been? I heard you were sick.

Wizard: Nope. I’ve just been taking it easy.

Top: What a surprise.

Wizard: What’s that supposed to mean?

Top: It means that you are a lazy fool who hasn’t done a day’s work in his life.

Wizard: Am not! Why, I stole an entire tractor-trailer full of sports cars in an hour once!

Top: Yes, by sitting on your couch and allowing a tornado to detach the trailer from the cab of the truck and deliver the loot to your house.

Wizard: So? You can’t fault me for conserving energy!

Top: “Conserving energy”, my foot.

Wizard: What’s the matter, Top? Are you jealous of my power?

Top: No. I simply think it is wasted on a man who uses it only to commit petty thefts.

Wizard: (Raises weather wand) Petty? (Waves wand) I’ll show you petty! (Thunderclap)

Heat Wave: Whoa there, Mark, let’s not get hasty. I don’t want you to do something in the heat of the moment that you’ll regret-like destroying this building with all of us in it!

Piper: Mick’s right, Mark. It’s too dangerous to get into a fight here.

Wizard: (Lowers weather wand) Fine. But if you expect me to take his stupid comments forever, you’re chasing rainbows, Piper.

Piper: (to Top) Roscoe, please don’t antagonize Mark. You really don’t want him to make you face the music .

Top: I am not afraid of him, Piper.

Wizard: Well, you should be, because if you don’t start respecting me, our little truce will be nothing more than the calm before the storm!

Top: Whatever you say, Mardon. Whatever you say. (Pause) Shall we get down to business?

Heat Wave: Yeah, we should. Who has a plan for our next heist?

Piper: I do, actually, so if you don’t mind, I’ll be calling the tune on this job. You see, some friends of my parents are importing some very fine jewelery, and I think that those jewels will make for a tidy sum for the poor….

Act III

(Wally, Iris, and Joan are sitting at a table)

Wally: Boy, that was delicious! (Sneezes) I don’t care what Uncle Barry says-McDonalds has the best food in the world!

Joan: It isn’t exactly the healthiest food, you know.

Wally: Yeah, I know-but with the way I burn calories (Sneezes) , it isn’t going to hurt me any!

Iris: Um, I’m not sure that’s how it works, Wally.

Wally: Well, even if it isn’t, I’m young and it tastes good, so who cares?

Joan: I do, for one.

Iris: And so do I.

Wally: Good grief! When are you two (Sneezes) going to stop treating me like a little kid?

Iris: Wally, I watched you grow up. It’s going to take awhile for me to adjust-especially when you keep acting like a crazy teenager.

Wally: I don’t act like a crazy teenager! (Sneezes) I act like a crazy adult!

Joan: Wally, there isn’t much difference between a crazy teenager and a crazy adult.

Wally: Oh, yeah? (Sneezes) Prove it!

Joan: The Trickster.

Wally: Yeah, you’ve pretty much got me there. (Sneezes) Sorry I’m so annoying.

Joan: It’s all right. You’re not annoying most of the time, dear.

Iris: Just some of the time.

Wally: I love you guys. (Sneezes) So, what should we do next?

Iris: We could go shoe shopping. I’ve been needing a new pair of heels.

Wally: No! Not shoe shopping! Linda’s taken me on enough shoe shopping trips to last a lifetime! (Sneezes)

Iris: I was only kidding, Wally.

Wally: Good. Oooh, why don’t we get ice cream?

Joan: You can get ice cream. It probably isn’t a good idea for us to get it.

Wally: Yes! (Disappears, then returns with ice cream and cake)

Joan: Where did you get the cake from?

Wally: China. (Sneezes) They make everything there these days.

Iris: (Laughs) You ran all the way to China just to get cake?

Wally: Well, I was aiming for Hungary, but I overshot.

Joan: How did you overshoot Hungry? You have a full-time residency there.

Wally: Huh? (Pauses, then laughs) Oh, I get it! That’s hilarious, Joan!  

Joan: Why thank you, Wally. I think you and your aunt are rubbing off on me.

Iris: I’m glad we decided to do this. Barry’s a dear, but when he gets sick, he can be a bit of a nightmare.

Wally: Wait, Uncle Barry can be a nightmare?

Iris: Believe it or not, yes. Now, he’s not rude or whiny, but he keeps trying to leave his bed and stop crimes instead of resting so that he can get well, and it’s very irritating to make him stay put, because he gives me these really sad puppy dog eyes when I tell him to stay at home.

Wally: Hah! I knew he (Sneezes) had a weakness besides punctuality!

Joan: All three of you have that weakness, Wally.

Wally: I do not! (His phone rings) Sorry. I need to take this. (Pulls out phone) Hello, Commissioner? The Rogues? What are they doing? Mmm-hmm. Uh-huh. All right. I’ll be there as soon as possible, Commish! (Sneezes) You’re welcome. Good-bye. (Puts away phone) Sorry, guys, I’ve gotta run! The Rogues are trying to steal some jewelry, and I need to stop them.

Iris: No problem, Wally. Go get them!

Joan: And be careful!

(Exit Wally)

Iris: You know, just once, I would like to have an outing that isn’t interrupted by criminals, the Rogues, telepathic gorillas, or aliens who want to take over the world.

Joan: I fully agree with you, Iris. (Pause) Would you like to go shoe shopping with me while he’s gone?

Iris: That sounds terrific, Joan.

Commercial Break!

Act IV

(Enter the Rogues, running)

Piper: (Yelling over his shoulder) Thank you for your generous donation to the poor, Mr. Englewood!

Top: Oh, that was terrific fun! I’m feeling on top of the world right now!

Heat Wave: You’re right, Top. There’s nothing like a nice heist with all of my bestest friends to give me those nice warm and fuzzy feelings.

Wizard: Tell me about it. I’m on cloud nine!

Top: What are you going to do with your money, Piper? I am going to buy a nice suit and some new tops for my collection.

Heat Wave: I’m going to buy some presents for all of my friends so that I can warm their hearts. I’m sure Captain Cold will love a new parka.

Top: I was not asking you, you imbecile.

Heat Wave: Oh. I’m sorry, Top.

Top: Just be sure it does not happen again.

Wizard: I’m going to buy me a new car so that I can finally get a girlfriend!

Top: That will never happen, Mark, and I was not asking you either.

Wizard: Well gee, thanks for destroying my ray of hope, Roscoe.

Top: Moron. (To Piper) Well, my friend? What are you going to do with your share of the loot?

Piper: I’m going to donate it to a charity for sick children. The cries of joy that will produce will be music to my ears.

Top: You are giving away your money again? (Pause) I do not believe you.

Piper: What’s so wrong about wanting to help people?

(Enter Wally)

Wally: Because you’re going about it all wrong, Piper.

Wizard: By the four seasons! It’s the Flash!

Top: Not to worry, Mardon. This one is a mere child. (To Wally) Spin.

Wally: Whoa! (Stumbles, but keeps his balance) You should become a ride at Disney World or something, Top, because you make me just as dizzy.

Heat Wave: It’s time for you to take the heat, Kid Flash! (Fires at Wally, who narrowly dodges)

Wally: No thanks!

Wizard: (Waves his wand) We’re too powerful for you to stop, Flash. Why don’t you take a rain check?

Wally: No way! Defeating a bunch of clowns like you will be a breeze!

Top: Perhaps. Then again, perhaps not. (Spins out of Wally’s way)

Heat Wave: This situation is too hot for you to handle, Flash! You should leave before you get hurt or something.

Wally: Get hurt by one of you? Yeah, right. (He sneezes, and Top grabs him from behind)

Top: You were saying?

Wizard: Nighty night, Flash. (Raises his wand, and Wally sneezes again, causing the wand to go flying out of his hand) My wand!

Wally: (Breaks free) Nice try, Mardon. (He handcuffs Wizard and Top to one another)

Heat Wave: Hey, nobody hurts my friends like that!

Wally: (Taps him on the shoulder) You need better friends. (Handcuffs him to a lamp)

Piper: Flash, I’m not going to fight you. I abhor violence, as a general rule, and I know as well as anyone that my musical hypnosis doesn’t work well on you. However, before you take me away, I want to ask you something. Mr. Englewood hardly needs more money, and everyone knows that his factories are some of the most hazardous in the country for his workers. Why is it so wrong that I take money from him and give it to children who are dying from preventable diseases because of lack of money? You can’t argue that he deserves it more than they do, and he’s wealthy enough that he won’t even miss the money we took from him. Can’t you at least let me give the money away before you take me to jail? Please?

Wally: Piper, if I’m being honest, part of me wants to let you, but here’s the thing. I can’t let you break the law in order to help people. I’m sorry.

Piper: That’s all right. You’re just doing what you were told is right. I can’t fault you for that.

(Wally handcuffs him)

Wally: A word of advice, Piper? If you really want to help the poor, and I think you do, I think you’ll find it more rewarding if you do it on the right side of the law.

(Exit Wally)

Wizard: Well, that was a bust.

Top: For once, Mardon, we agree about something.

Heat Wave: Hey, guys, look at the bright side! At least we’re all still together.

Wizard: True. Nobody can call us fair-weather friends!

Heat Wave: And you know what’s even better? When we go back to prison, we can see Captain Cold again!

Top: I’m thrilled.

Wizard: Aww, don’t be such a downer, Top. You should learn to see the silver lining.

Top: I hate you both.

Piper: (Aside) All I wanted was to give the poor justice. Why is that a crime? The idea of people like my parents helping the poor is just a pipe dream...isn’t it?

Act V

(Iris and Joan are onstage. Enter Wally)

Wally: Hi, Iris! Hi, Joan! (Sneezes)

Joan: Oh, hi, Wally. Are you all right?

Wally: I’m okay. (Sneezes) But I think you were right about me being sick. I just took my temperature, and I’m 114 degrees. (Sneezes)

Joan: 114? How are you still alive?

Wally: Because the baseline body temperature for speedsters is 107 degrees.

Joan: Oh, that’s right.

Iris: Were you able to stop the Rogues?

Wally: Yep! (Sneezes) They’re being transported back to prison now, and all the jewelry has been returned. (Sneezes)

Iris: So, what do you want to do now, Wally?

Wally: I want to go home and sleep. (Sneezes) Running around sick won’t help anything.

Iris: Yes! A hero finally sees reason!

Wally: (Sneezes) Oh, and one more thing? Would you mind (Sneezes) donating money to the Children’s Health Foundation? I have a certain….friend who would really appreciate it.

Joan: Of course we will, Wally.

Wally: Thanks. You two are the greatest! (Sneezes)

#flash #wally west #flash rogues #dc comics #fanfic

[ghostofbambifanfiction]

So motivated by anyone who shares they are working on losing weight. FYI 10kg is nothing to sniff at, esp. if you're not being too restrictive (as a lot of restrictive diets basically make you lose water weight at first, prob not your case). Keep it up!! If you don't mind answering, what are your goals?

I don’t mind, but I’m putting it under a cut because it’s going to be a looooooonnnnng ass ramble and I’m going to include some pics and I’m aware that I’ve already clogged everyone’s timelines with enough pictures today. Before I go off on my tangent, though, I want to make it really clear that I firmly believe that any person can be beautiful and love the way they look at any size. This is something that I am fighting very hard to believe about myself, too, regardless of what weight I am. I am not at all a believer in slimming down for the sake of vanity (despite my negative opinion of my own looks, vanity has never been a big enough motivator for me to lose weight), but this has progressed to the point where vanity isn’t even a consideration anymore.

Okay, so, backstory. When I first moved to England, I weighed 140lbs (63.5kg) and I looked like THIS ↓

Aren’t I BEAUTIFUL? I think so, even if nobody else does, I think so. I think so now. That part matters.

I can distinctly remember that when all three of these photos were taken, you see. I also distinctly remember looking at each one afterwards and thinking, “Fat, repulsive, disgusting.” Fat, repulsive, disgusting. That was my opinion of myself. I repeated those words in my head on a daily basis. I truly believed them. Hence, I’m wearing the same ugly cardigan in two of those pictures, because whenever I wore pretty clothes I felt so undeserving that I was compelled to cover them up with something ugly (the red dress is an anomaly because there was a dress code involved). EVERY TIME. It practically become automatic. “I’ve spent £40 on this dress, so what can I cover it with?” was basically my mantra. It was fine, I thought, because I didn’t care about pretty clothes. Liking pretty clothes was beneath me. This was a lie. I love pretty clothes. I love bright colours. I was drawing pictures of pretty gowns and tiaras from the age of six. But hey, easier to pretend that you don’t give a shit about pretty dresses than admit that you don’t feel worthy of wearing them.

I am seven whole-ass years older now, and I topped out at 283lbs (128kg) on the scales fives weeks ago. That is the heaviest I have ever been. I have doubled my body weight. By medical standards, I am extremely obese, and I’ve had seven whole-ass years to think on how I behaved back then. I’ve thought a lot about how much I hated my body and how undeserving I felt and how I stuffed myself full of junk food and said it didn’t matter because I was repulsive anyway, so why not? I wasn’t being kind to myself. How can I be a kind person if I don’t treat myself kindly? My own self-loathing has cost me my health, because in 2013, I didn’t need to take stomach tablets every day. I wasn’t vomiting a few times a week because of chronic digestive issues. I had regular periods. I lived in Sunderland and would get out of bed on my days off and walk three miles to Seaburn beach, just to hang out with a book and build sandcastles and paddle in the water and thoroughly enjoy my life. I had the ability to do that without wanting to collapse. I had the energy to write for hours on end without getting sleepy after forty minutes. I had lots of energy, lots of it!

I don’t have the luxury of enjoying any of that stuff now. I have lethargy and sluggishness and I get breathless walking up the stairs, and a huge part of that is because I have gained so much weight over the years, and because I have been eating things that specifically exacerbate my digestive issues. And I’m sick of it. My brother’s lottery win has been the most insane blessing to my family in that it is allowing us all to live out our wildest travelling dreams, and I don’t want to be the person who takes an eight hour flight to Paradise, only to sit around and do nothing because she just doesn’t have the strength. There is an eleven-year-old diamond in my life who I would do anything for, and I want more than anything to be able to bring him places and have fun with him and partake, instead of sitting on the sidelines holding coats because I am too fat to ride the rollercoaster (which happened to me, FYI, shout out to Port Aventura for sticking to safety measures, though the woman manning the coaster didn’t have to poke my thigh and say, “fat,” to make her point clear).

The thing is, and maybe this is a tl;dr moment that could have saved me a lot of trouble, but I am unhealthy and I’m tired and this is like...my life. My one life. What am I doing? I owe it to myself to treat my body better.

So these are my aims.

I want to get back to 140lbs. That is a healthy and reasonable weight for my height and body type. I am aware that I will not look the way I did in 2013 because I am seven years older, but I don’t care. I am aware that I will have loose skin and a belly and wobbly thighs when I reach this weight, but I don’t care. I will have energy. I will be healthier. I will be able to bring my stepson to all kinds of places and have the most fun with him.

No fad diets ever. This is all I’ve ever tried before, and the end result has always been the same: lose a bit and put it back on. I am making legitimate and incremental changes to my lifestyle. I am building lasting habits. I will weigh myself once a week to keep track of how I’m doing, but never more than that. I will exercise every day for a small amount of time, but if I miss a day for any reason, I won’t beat myself up about it. I will not skip meals. I will not deprive myself of food.

I am an excellent cook and I love trying new things, so I will be using that skill to find and experiment with new, delicious recipes from all over the world for my family to eat. Once lockdown ends, I’m going to start throwing dinner parties. I think this will really help me to change my attitude towards food and make meals fun for me, rather than a self-inflicted punishment.

No denying myself things. If I want to get a McDonalds I will get a McDonalds because, y’know what? Tomorrow I am going to have lots of veggies and cook myself a good, nutritious dinner, and that McDonalds won’t be anything but a delicious interlude in my week that I am not going to feel bad about.

No hiding myself in drab clothes. I hate wearing brown, grey and black and yet it accounts for most of my wardrobe. Both of those cardigan pics were taken in the middle of summer. I have wasted years of my life sweating it out in long sleeves and leggings so other people wouldn’t see, and for who? For what purpose? I am going to buy all the pretty clothes I like, wear loads of bright colours. Fuck it, it’s just for me.

[purplesurveys]

1162

What is the youngest age you can remember back to? I was 3 and I had just woken up in a Winnie the Pooh tent with my sister, who was 1 at the time. Our parents let us go ‘camping,’ which was really nothing more than a tiny tent set up on the floor in their room.

What sports are you trying out for this year? Wakeboarding and rock climbing.

Did you wear your hair in a ponytail today? Yeah it was in a ponytail for the whole day as it helps me focus better at work. I’ve kept the ponytail on even though it’s 11 in the evening right now, but now it’s because it would be too warm with my hair down.

Who do you have on speed dial? Nobody. I’m not sure how to do that with my phone, and even if I knew how to I don’t know if there’d be anyone I’d want to put on speed dial.

What colors do you like to paint your toenails? I never do anything with my toenails except clip them.

Would it be cool to learn how to DJ at a club? Sure!

Where are you going to be three hours from now? It would be 2 AM by then but I highly doubt I’d be asleep by then. I just bought all 7 of the BTS Cold Brew Americano bottles (yep, so much happened while I was gone and I am apparently an Army now...) so I’m drinking from one of them tonight; and they are strong as fuuuuuuuck.

What job would you NEVER take, even as a last resort? Anything related to sex work. Not that I’m against it, but it’s just not for me.

If you broke your computer, would you be able to fix it on your own? Only if it’s something a hard reboot could easily fix haha. If it’s beyond that, I don’t think so.

If someone looked in your closet, how would they judge your style? That I need to update my wardrobe. Most of them were trendy at some point, but not so much these days. They would probably comment that I need to add more colors as well.

What was the shittiest hotel you’ve ever stayed at and why? I’m not sure we’ve stayed somewhere I absolutely hated. I know my dad hated our first hotel in Palawan since the whole vibe of the room felt cheap, the bedsheets looked kinda tacky, and the power went out at night, but that’s also just the luxury liner executive in him. Since I don’t really travel just to stay all day in our hotels, I personally haven’t had any experience where I was like, “never again.”

Have you ever gone on a boat and been sick the whole time? No; I get seasick but I can handle it. It’s carsickness I have a problem with.

Did you get a good sleep last night? Not really. My sleep actually felt very shallow and it really felt like I had been up all night even though I’m pretty sure fell asleep by around midnight. Anyway, I’m getting a 3-day weekend since it’s a national holiday tomorrow, so at least I have a lot of time to catch up on much-needed sleep.

What is the weather like outside? It’s pretty chilly and I feel a few breezes every now and then, but it’s not enough. I’m not sweating, but I also need to have my hair up in a bun because otherwise I’d be too warm. Phone says 27ºC.

If someone makes a spelling or grammar mistake, do you ignore or correct? Mostly ignore. I only ever correct if it’s me who made the mistake by accident.

Do oversized sunglasses actually look good on you? I’ve never tried putting any on, so I wouldn’t know.

What is the most overrated thing in the world? Milk tea. It’s great and delicious I like having my own occasionally, but it’s seriously nothing life-changing.

Have you heard any completely untrue rumors about yourself lately? No. I’d feel sorry for someone who would still be making up rumors in their 20s.

What is one word to describe your room? Progress. It’s come a long way since the breakup.

Have you ever kept something from the wild as a pet? Not in the sense that we caught it ourselves from the wild, but there was one time my sister won a baby chick at a fair when we were super young and we had him for a few days. We tried our best to care for him, but we just weren’t equipped and knowledgeable with what baby chicks need so he didn’t last too long.

Do your parents try to plan out your future for you? No, and I’m glad they aren’t the stereotypical Filipino/Asian parents that dictate how I should be living my life. My mom will sometimes let a comment like “get a boyfriend already” slip through, but she also knows I don’t have the patience for remarks like that so she doesn’t bring it up most of the time.

Do you think that surveys are a huge waste of time? I personally don’t think so. Any activity that helps me relax and gather my thoughts isn’t something I’d call a waste of time.

Are you wearing a hoodie today? No. I would hate to be wearing a hoodie right now lmao, I’d be too miserable in the heat.

Did you sleep alone the last two nights? Yes.

You’re single, right? Yups.

How long was your last phone conversation you had? It lasted like 10 seconds because when I picked up, their signal was very choppy and his voice wasn’t getting through at all.

Who was it with? A delivery rider who sent me a package that Bea apparently arranged for me :’) It has all my favorite Korean snacks and goodies and she even included a cup sleeve of Jin from BTS cos she knows he’s my favorite :(((((

What was it about? Like I said, I never got to talk to him on the phone because his signal was poor, though he probably called to ask for directions. He eventually got to my house.

Excited for anything? Binge-watching Run BTS and Bon Voyage all weekend, and digging into the Frankie’s order I got for delivery tonight.

Got laid last night, didn’t you? Nope.

Do you have drama in your life? Kind of at the moment, but it’s something I couldn’t give less of a shit about so I’m not even getting into it lmao. What’s something you really want right now, be honest? To be able to get out of the house and get my cafe visits on weekends back.

As of this minute, what is going through your mind? That these instant noodles I’m eating are really spicy.

Have you laughed until you cried? Many times.

What are you listening to right now? I can hear a neighbor’s dog barking every now and then and a few airconditioners in the neighborhood whirring.

What color are your shoes? I’m not wearing any right now, but most of my shoes are white anyway.

Can you crack your neck? Nope.

What is the last thing you drank? I took a sip from my banana milk right after I had a forkful of my noodles. Too spicy hahaha.

Where would I have found you last night at 11pm? I was cuddling with Kimi in bed while watching Bon Voyage.

What’s your plans for next Friday? So, tomorrow? Just watch a shit ton of BTS videos since they’re my latest obsession.

Does anyone hate you? Possibly.

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the person you like? Erm, don’t really like anyone at the moment. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? No.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now? Probably to the nearest McDonald’s or 7-Eleven, but I wouldn’t go out to the mall altogether with what I’m wearing.

Who will you be sleeping with tonight? Just meeee.

Is there anyone you wouldn’t mind punching in the face now? Not in particular.

What do you have pierced? Just the ears. < Same.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? A few people.

Where is the person you want right now? I’m not into anyone.

Are you too forgiving? I’m not forgiving in the first place.

Will this weekend be a good one? Continued from last night. I’m just glad I’ll get to relax for three days, but I don’t have any big plans for the weekend that would make it something exciting.

What is your favorite thing about being sick? I don’t think being sick is particularly fun, even if it means skipping school or work...

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? Many times, which is why I’ve stopped using the phrase, “I’ll never do X.” I always end up doing whatever the thing is at some point.

Are there any people who don’t like you? It’s possible, but I don’t care.

The boy/girl you truly care about needs you at 3am, would you go? Only for my best friends, and maybe close family members. If you had to get a piercing right now, what would it be? I would get a nose stud or maybe a lip ring.

Do you have any bruises on you? Yeah I have one on my thigh. As usual, I have no idea where it came from.

Are you ticklish? Everywhere.

Ever liked someone who treated you like crap? Yes.

Who do you like right now? BTS? Lmao

What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated? A month and a half.

Are you gonna get high later? Nope. I know Andi’s always gonna be around as my ~supplier~ if I ever wanna try it out, but I have no plans to any time soon.

What was the first thing you said when you woke up today? That I wanna take a shower.

Do you blow dry your hair? Only for special occasions when I immediately need my hair styled in a certain way.

Do you look decent when you wake up? Some days, I think so.

Have you ever liked someone older then you? I mean they’re all celebrities, but yeah.

Is it hard to make you laugh? Not at all, I like to laugh.

How late did you stay up last night? Around 3 AM because I was watching Bon Voyage, and also memorizing BTS fanchants hahahahaha HELP

Which is worse for you: being hot, or being cold? I fucking hate being hot.

How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Just the caffeine in my coffee and nicotine in my vape.

#survey #surveys

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

My beloved Debbie has passed over the rainbow this morning.

She had a nice hot bath last night, and a whole happy meal to herself before the appointment (the vet said it was FINE). 

It was the right thng, she was having trouble breathing, but it was such a hard thing to do. Debbie was not the first, and likely not the last I will see to the end.

But the vets made it very bearable with a special room and a soft little bed on the floor we could shower her with love on. She fought going to sleep because she wanted more pets, and when she did fall asleep they came back to give her the other medication.

I have cried until no tears came, telling her she was loved and special, that we adored having her and will miss her, but it was okay to go. That we will never forget her.

I cradled her and kissed her head, patted her until she was gone and then beyond that. My sibling was there as well and was also as devastated, as he does a lot of her weekly care while I work away.

It was so hard to leave her there, even though we knew she was gone. I just couldn’t stop holding her and talking to her.

My beautiful Debbie, sometimes a little borky naughty baby, but always my darling daughter.

She was in her pyjamas, that my mother made her, so she wouldn’t be cold or afraid. The lovely vet, who saw her from day one when we got her, was able to be the one with us for this hard moment; she let us know Debbie was gone.

I don’t know how long we sat there, petting, holding, talking to her. Too long perhaps. It was so fucking hard to leave her there.  They gave us a soft blanket to cover her with, but even then it was hard to leave her without more goodbyes.

an awful sense of calm nothingness began to settle in as the crying stopped and I hated it. like ‘oh, let’s just get on with life then’ when it feels like everything was very wrong. like I was betraying her by not being more devastated.

tomorrow I go back to work, as if nothing is different. I hate it.

When we got home, the other dogs knew. They got anxious when ever we put Debbie in the car, because they knew she was sick.

The tears come sporadically, and I would give anything to have had more time with her, but it was the right choice. Debbie deserved a soft end, full of love and ease after a bad beginning.

-------------

To Debbie, 

You were my darling daughter, and I loved you from the first when you were a little fur-coated skeleton. I was so worried we’d lose you in the night, so I slept ont he floor beside you, with my hand on your leg, in case you needed something or passed; so you would know there was someone there, and you were loved.

You couldn’t close your mouth you were so weak, when you arrived, but with time and the right foods, you grew into the little kelpie you always should have been able to be. A funny, high-pitched barking, cheeky baby who had No Idea what a ball was or why the humans would throw it, but you loved to chase after your doggy siblings. 

You stablised on insulin, enough for us to chase down a specialist to see if we could get you some sight. After some fretting and a million eyedrops you weren’t a fan of, an operation, and the subsequent cone... your sight was restored 100% in one eye. Everything changed. You could see the cats, and follow your siblings, you stopped walking into white things, you got a bit snappy and territorial but you worked it out. 

You finally worked out what the humans were throwing for the others, but you STILL had no interest in the ball. Although you now had more precision in chasing after the others, barking your tiny head off because that was what you liked to do best. 

You had just started learning to play (tentative roughousing) with the others, too. Your sister Tuk was always trying to help by playing and initiating with you; it was a slow process, but you seemed to be having fun.

Your intense excitement for toad-hunting began when you were 95% blind and continued after you were sighted. Leading to an incident a few months back where a grass seed got into your sighted eye and it formed an ulcer. We went right to the specialist, who operated immediately.

Sight restored, and still the little princess of the house, you were DELIGHTED to have an excuse for the humans to zip you up and down the highway in the Car. You loved car rides, and any excuse to take one.

It was at a check-up that we asked the specialist to feel an odd lump on your ribs. He said to go to the vet immediately, and we did; the first appointment was the next day. They operated within the week out of concern.

You didn’t seem to care too much, and slept off the operation as the humans worried themselves in knots. You’d had a mammary mass (benign) removed after being strong enough to be desexed, so it had to be another one, right?

You were still the happy little lady of the house when the news came. Mammary Carcinoma stage 3, meaning that we had a little time with you. You didn’t mind the long trip to Brisbane to see the oncologist, but you were a little miffed at having your tummy shaved (AGAIN) for the ultrasound.

It was in masses, and in your lymph nodes; but you weren’t in pain, and that was the important part. They offered chemotherapy, multiple surgeries and radiation; but you had been through so much already. As much as it broke our hearts, you deserved the best quality of life in the time left.

Maybe a year, but it felt closer to a few months as the mass began to solidify and make your movements harder. You didn’t mind, running along with the other dogs and barking twice as loud as usual. 

Last week you started to cough, and your humans worried. The other dogs were licking your face and sniffing you all over again, but you didn’t seem overly bothered by anything more than choosing which chair you wanted to sit in for a nap. You were as spoiled as you could be, my dear, within the restrictions of your diabetic needs.

We went to see the vet yesterday, a Sunday, and they said that your coughing was because water had started to climb in your lungs. The humans knew this was it, so we did everything we could to make the little time left special... but ordinary. 

You had a nice hot bath last night, and lots of loves and cuddles. The humans tried so hard not to cry around you, so you wouldn’t feel that you were making them sad or be afraid. 

This morning you wandered around toad hunting in the sun, and tried to play a game with your youngest/biggest sibling, but he was a little intimidated by the way you growled - silly boy. But you still had fun running and barking.

Your grandmother said a special goodbye, as she had no choice but to attend work today, and you wagged your tail as she left. Your other humans popped your pyjamas on and took you for a fun car ride to McDonalds, and you got to have a whole cheeseburger! Which you put in your mouth and then looked to the humans for guidance around eating, so they split it into little bits you could manage. A handful of fries and a little drink later, it was time.

You may have been a little confused about why we went to a different room with a soft little bed, or why the humans sat with you as the vet gave you something to make you sleepy. We said goodbye a thousand times, you asked for more and more pets by slipping your head under our hands. We kissed your head, patted you and told you how much you were loved in as many ways as we could.

I hope you were not scared when we cried, you are so special and it was difficult to say goodbye, even when it was the only way to keep you comfortable and safe from pain. You fell asleep while your humans held you, and slipped away quickly when the vet popped back in. She will miss you too, you were a special little patient.

I hope you are somewhere safe, somewhere happy and beyond any pain this life could inflict. We will never forget you darling Debbie, you were so fucking special and loved.

We love you, we miss you, thank you so much for being in our lives babygirl.

-Your Mother

#debbie #tw: pet death