#I’m making up names for everyone in the story but I honestly could never forget an experience like this
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Big Sister Confesses, a Special Siblings Day
God, where do I even start? My big sister Wendy has always been so beautiful ever since we met. Very physically affectionate, but she was like that with a lot of close friends; so, I thought nothing of it. I’m sure some of you remember glomping? I’ve certainly taken a tumble or two from her, but never fully fell. She was more gentle with me. At some point she kissed my cheek on my birthday & I thought nothing of her kiss, her doting on me, & being so close to me all the time throughout that day. She’s such a wonderful & charming person to have around, I appreciated every bit of affection.
As we became physically closer, I would kiss her cheek regularly and I began to see her as more than just my big sis, she is hot. I can’t deny it, my elder sister is a hot woman & we’re exchanging kisses on the reg. My cheeks get red at such a realization as it dawns on me. Her cute & pretty face always lighting up my day with that beautiful smile. Her pretty legs & thighs that I lay my head on while she runs her fingers through my hair & pets me softly at the public park. Hell, even her breasts & her ass are gorgeous & perfect, now I can’t stop ogling her in my mind. Golly gosh, her in that one piece swimsuit too when we first met, her soft skin, those hips & curves. Every inch of my big sis is heavenly & what if I could kiss her soft pink lips even just once or feel my tongue on hers? What would big sis Wendy taste like? My cheeks are so flushed at this point! Surely such indecent thoughts are weird though, I better repress this! She’s my big sister, she’d probably feel weird if I told her I was developing a crush on her!
For some time into young adulthood we remained as physically close as ever, regularly hanging out, even as I went to college. We made time for one another, Wendy & I. Outside of my closed relationship, Wendy was the most physically intimate relationship I had going on. We could talk to each other about anything too, even our relationship problems. At some point during those years I told her I was bigender & I felt like a girl sometimes. “You’re a very pretty girl.” We were walking & talking casually through her neighborhood & I froze up hearing those words from her in response to my coming out. Tears formed in my eyes & my cheeks reddened. Not only was I just affirmed on my femininity, but I was pretty to her. My big sister found me to be pretty? I nearly combusted on the spot despite trying to shove my gay thoughts to the back of my mind throughout these years with her. “Are you okay?” “Y-yeah, I just wasn’t sure how you’d take it.” “You’ll always be my little sibling regardless of gender & I love you.” “I love you too, big sis.” We hugged & I cried into her shoulder a bit, taking in her scent & embrace. Big sis smells so good & despite not glomping me, I think I’ve fallen this time. She’s the best big sister I could ever ask for & I’ve fallen in love with her. The best part is, we remained just as close as before I came out, if not closer. Soon enough I would see just to what extent that closeness would go.
My partner, Cassandra, at the time had at one point questioned our physical intimacy of kissing each other’s cheeks, hugging often, & snuggling when we’d all hang out together. I’d respond by affirming that we are just siblings & that’s all there is to it, besides, she’s in a relationship & I’m obviously taken by them. This would put that conversation to bed, but in the back of my mind my gay thoughts would chime “but she’s still hot though & what if we kissed while caressing one another?” These indecent thoughts of mine would start popping up more despite the fact that Wendy had a boyfriend. I even felt a little jealous of the boyfriend at times too, but would shove that to the back of my mind. I needed to be happy that my big sister is happy!
In an ironic twist, she was in fact very unhappy as I would get called by her crying to me, lamenting about how shitty her boyfriend was to her, sometime later on. I had consoled her & kept her company on the phone for a little while. They had broken up just yesterday & her birthday was coming up very soon, she didn’t want people to see her upset on her birthday. She asked for the first time in all our years knowing each other if she could come hang out at my house. I was surprised & I asked my parents if it was okay with them. We were given the green light by both our legal guardians to go ahead & hang out. It was impromptu but I put on some clean pants & underwear, couldn’t find a clean shirt, but she lived like 10 minutes away so there was no time for that! I had to be there for my big sis! I hurriedly put on a zip-up jacket since I can’t find any clean shirts. A few minutes later, she arrives & I give her a big hug as she enters the doorway. “Can we go somewhere private?” “Yeah of course, let’s go upstairs.”
We go upstairs & I whisper softly “you doing okay?” She says softly that she isn’t sure. We get to a couch & sit down together. I wrap one arm around her and she lays her head on my shoulder. I blush a little & find myself smiling, I kiss the top of her head & rest my cheek on her. “Hey sis, I’m sorry he hurt you.” “Thanks little bro or sis, he ended up being a real asshole.” “Yeah, guys can suck sometimes & ‘sis’ is good for today, thanks Wendy.” “No problem sis, hey, is it okay if I lay down on you? I was crying a lot today & I’m kinda tired.” I was so focused on being here for her that for a moment I lived in a world where my gay feelings didn’t exist, but damn if they sure didn’t flare up from the back of my mind at that very moment. It took all my willpower not to blush, this wasn’t the time for that! “Yeah, of course! Hell, you can even take a nap on me if you want!” “Thank you, I’m pretty drained...” “Of course, just happy to be here for you. Want me to lay down & then you lay on top of me? I’ll be like an anime body pillow or something.” A hint of a smile spreads across her lips & she nods. “You sure I won’t crush you?” “I’d be happy to have you crush me like a weighted blanket.” I giggle and smile at her & a smile in turn finds it’s way across her beautiful lips, she takes off her glasses & places them to the side. I lay down on the couch & she lays down on top of me, face-first into my chest as I rub her back softly & soothingly. “Hey Rose, can I tell you a secret?” “You can tell me anything Wendy, of course, lock & key or whatever the saying is.” “Okay well... I have a crush on someone.” “Already? You just broke up with what’s his name, that’s kinda fast. No hate, just that seems pretty quick.” “No, it’s not like that, I’ve had a crush on this person for a while.” “Oooooh juicyyy, well, whose the lucky guy or girl or whatever?” She then moves her beanie in front of her eyes & burrows her face fully into my chest to where I can’t see her eyes anymore. “Promise me you won’t judge me no matter what?” “Big sis, you know I love you, I won’t judge, I promise!”
“Well, good because... it’s... you.” I let out an audible gasp, looking down at her in shock. “I know you look at me as your big sister & I see you as my little brother or sister too, but I can’t help it I’ve always liked you & you’ve always been there for me.” She gets choked up & starts to sniffle while clutching onto my chest for comfort. “Y-y-you like me...? Y-you-your serious?” I’m still taking in this information, awestruck as to what I’m hearing & trying to process. “Please don’t judge me or be upset, I’m sorry! This is probably stupid!” She says while sobbing into my jacket. I rub her back soothingly. “No hey wait- wait no hey... hey, hold on... hey, look at me, Wendy.” “Don’t wanna.” “Please?” “I don’t want you to judge me or see me crying.” “I don’t mind you crying & I'm not going to judge you, I promise on my life, I just want you to be reassured so please at least let me see your eyes.” I move the top of her beanie up out her face to see her pretty eyes sparkling with tears. “I know I’m in a relationship & that’s why you probably feel weird or bad about confessing to me, but the truth is, I like you too big sis & I have for a long time.” “You don’t have to lie to me.” “I’m not lying, let me repeat this while I maintain unblinking eye contact with you so you know I'm for real about this, I like you, I’m crushing on you too & I have been for years. I’ve just been pushing it to the back of my mind because I was scared you’d think I was weird or gross since we’re siblings & stuff.” “So you’ve felt the same? But you’re in a relationship.” “A polyamorous relationship.” “Okay, but would I have to date Cassandra? I don’t like her like that, she’s pretty I mean no offense, but I only like you.” “I’m not sure? It’s something we’d have to talk about.” “Mmm...” “That being said though I’m glad we got this off our chests, I’ve been holding that in for soooo long & I’m sure you have too!” Wendy nods & smiles a little. She’s stopped crying at this point & is only sniffling on occasion. We cuddle in silence for a few minutes. She takes her beanie off at some point because she got too warm in it.
“Hey sis, you guys got to play truth or dare at that sleepover you had recently right?” “Yeah, did Jessy tell you about that?” “Yeah, I heard some wild stuff happened, but she kept it pretty hush hush.” “That’s good, she better keep that stuff a secret.” “Yeah, she’s a good friend, though it got me thinking sis, could we play it together, just the two of us?” “Yeah sure.” “Okay because I’m sad I couldn’t stay for the sleepover haha, I really wanted to!” “Well, maybe next time you come over we can do that; so, who should start?” “Um what do you think?” “You pick.” In my mind at that moment I suddenly remember our friend Jessy saying that one of the dares they all did together was flash each other’s chests all at the same time after closing their eyes for 30 seconds. “Okay, I’ll start then, sissy, truth or dare?” “Hm well you already got a lot of truths out of me today; so, dare.” “Haha fair enough, if you aren’t comfortable with my dare you don’t have to do it, okay?” “Okay, so what’s the dare?” “Well, given I never got to stay overnight, I dare you to flash your chest at me, I’ll close my eyes & you just tell me when you’re ready.” “I um... I’m not sure.” She’s looking at the floor now & has sat up, her cheeks turned pink. She puts her glasses back on, still not meeting my eyes. “Perfectly okay if you don’t want to Wendy; just let me know & I’ll think of a new one. I’ll also flash you my boobs if you’d like? If that would make you um more comfortable.” I’m now looking at a different spot on the floor & also sitting up, red in the face. I can tell through my blind spot that she glanced over at me to ponder her decision for a moment. “Hmm okay... well, I don’t want to lose in round one so um how about you close your eyes? I’ll tell you when to look.” “Um o-okay big sis!” I blurt out nervously before shutting my eyes & turning around to face the wall. Oh my god, I’m going to see my big sister’s breasts! Holy shit, holy fuck, I’ve only fantasized about what she looks like & occasionally touched myself thinking of her! My hands are shaking as I hear her messing with her shirt & bra behind me. She’s actually going to show me her boobs, this is a dream come true! Big sis Wendy’s boobs, oh my god! The anticipation is making my cheeks hot & making me wet.
I feel her tap my arm, round one is just getting started. “Y-you can um look now if you want to.” “Y-you’re sure it’s okay for me to, big sis?” “Y-yes I... want you to look, pl-please look.” “O-okay, gladly Wendy.” I turn around to see her with her bra on the floor next to her, sitting on the carpet, t-shirt rolled up, & her hands covering both of her boobs. I come over & sit in front of my sister. “So um what d-do you think?” She asks me shyly. “I think I’d like to see the whole thing if that’s okay, but so far I’m absolutely head over heals.” “Oh okay um p-please move my hands for me, I’m nervous.” “You’re sure sis? Just checking to make sure you’re okay with this before I proceed.” “Yes, I’m sure little sis.” “Okay.” I gulp nervously & place my hands on hers gently, rubbing the tops of her hands reassuredly before lightly moving them off of her breasts. “Woah Wendy, they’re beautiful, your breasts are absolutely perfect!” “Y-you think so? I don’t like my visible veins.” “Oh sis, you have absolutely nothing to be insecure about, your breasts are some of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen, okay?” “O-okay thank you, I’m glad you like them so much.” “Like them? I love them much like I love you big sis! Every inch of you is sexy to me!” Her cheeks are so hot by now and she’s looking away shyly. Her breasts were the biggest & most beautiful I’ve ever seen, I was getting so wet & had a visible boner by now poking up through my jeans. I couldn’t stop starring at my big sister’s voluptuous breasts & her soft tummy peaking out from her jean short-shorts was like icing on the cake. I had fantasized about Wendy’s boobs, but the real deal was so much better! “Please keep them out for a bit longer big sis, I love seeing them but only if you’re comfortable. C-can I show you mine please?” I ask her. “I-if you want to little sis.” “I do, um you don’t have to close your eyes for this one I just w-want you to see my breasts, please sissy.” I unzip my jacket slowly, nothing on underneath & she’s watching me take out my breasts for her. My big sister is looking at my soft tummy & boobs, this just gets better & better. At this point my boner grows even bigger & is throbbing visibly as I’m sitting back against the back of the couch with my tits out for sis to ogle at. “W-what do you think of them?” I ask her shyly. “They’re very cute & pretty like you.” I blush so hard at those words & it makes me so happy to hear that!
She puts her shirt back down & comes over to sit right beside me, leaving the bra out which doesn’t help with my increasing gay thirst. “Now it’s my turn” she states, “truth or dare.” I look up at her, completely flustered, with my jacket still unzipped. She puts a hand on my leg & rubs my leg a bit. “Looks like you got a wet spot” she says, while looking down at my lap. “It’s um... because I got really excited looking at you, big sis.” “O-oh yeah you’re really wet then.” “Y-yeah... also dare.” I’m looking away, I can’t meet her eyes all embarrassed about how wet I am. “I... dare you to kiss me.” “K-kiss you?” I ask, absolutely flabbergasted. “Yeah... wherever you want.” “W-wherever I want?” “Mhm.” She lays her head on my shoulder & I ask if she’s sure. She nods. Me being a nervous wreck, I go for a forehead kiss initially, stop myself close to her face, & ask “actually, may I kiss your lips, Wendy?” “Y-yeah you can.” “You ever kiss a girl before?” “N-no, you’ll be my first.” I can't help but to grin playfully, I'm her first gay kiss! I’m nervous, we both are, but we both close our eyes & lean in, our lips collide & our hearts flutter upon impact. Our cheeks as pink as the skin on our lips as we taste one another, not letting go. My big sister‘s lips feel perfect on mine. We part but if only for a moment to open our eyes & stare at one another longingly. “Big sister, can I please kiss you more?” She nods & we kiss more, I suck on her lip a bit with the next set of kisses & my sister moans for me, gripping onto my jacket while we lock lips. “You like that Wendy?” “Yes.” I kiss her more while I wrap my arms around her lovingly. I love my older sister so much, she’s perfect & so fucking hot! We hold each other as our kisses begin to get a bit sloppy, our saliva trailing between our lips as we break from kissing.
This is like my fantasies come to life, my older sister’s pretty pink lips all over mine! “Let’s have a siblings day, just you & I, like this. I promise we can forget all about it when we’re done, if you want.” I told her at some point while we were making out. We both agreed to those conditions & to go all out, then keep it between us as siblings afterwards.
“Indecent” thoughts? I'm so silly! Seems we were both having them for quite some time! We both craved this sisterly love making! I’m running my fingers up her warm soft skin while I look at her longingly, t-shirts are great for feeling up my sister’s arms. We lean in to kiss each other more while I rub my fingers along her arms, up & down softly. This is the best way for me to bond with my big sister by kissing her & swapping spit with the girl who knows me best! I ran my fingers up her shoulder & lightly across her neck as I looked at her with the utmost desire. I giggle and say “I suppose it’s my turn again, sissy. Truth or dare?” Round two begins.
“Dare.” She says with a look in her eyes that tells me she wants so much more. I smirk & say “I dare you to keep your bra off & let me put my hands on your chest.” “O-okay.” “That okay with you Wendy? You can back out at any time, just a reminder.” “Yeah I know.” “Guess you aren’t trying to lose to me are you?” I grin at her & a big smile spreads across her flustered face in turn. This has become a little competition to see who taps out first? Challenge accepted! I slowly work my hands up to her shoulders. “You know, big sis, you could just tell me what you want.” “I-I’m not really sure what I want, this is my first time doing this stuff.” First time? I’m her first time?? Me? Once again, I feel like I’ll combust on the spot, but I maintain composure. “First time huh? Then we’ll just take our time & explore together.” I’ll be the first person to corrupt my big sister, what an honor. I slide my hand down onto her chest & press on her right breast. She withdraws a breath. I begin to caress her through her shirt, cupping her boob & rubbing it around. She lets out a soft gasp for me. “Wow big sis, you're so sensitive here! That feel good?” “Mhmm.” She moans softly as I squeeze her breast lightly and rub it around more. She’s looking up at me desperately like her mind is in a horny haze just from me rubbing one of her breasts through her shirt. This really must be her first time! Well, as her little sister, it’s now my duty to make some of her firsts are great ones! I use my other hand to grab her left breast, caressing it & rubbing it around lightly for her. Meanwhile I try something new on big sis and grab her left breast again, though this time I run my fingers across her until I find her hardened nipple poking through her shirt. Oh, this is going to be so much fun! I grab hold of her bosom & begin to tease my thumb across her erect nipple on the left side, she lets out a loud moan for me in turn. Sissy sounds so perfect too, so beautiful, like music to my ears! “Shhhh we can’t let my parents hear.” “I’ll try, but it's very sensitive and feels so good.” I smirk & tease her nipple with my thumb more, running it across over and over. Sis biting her lip as an attempt to try not to make any sounds. “Let me help you, sissy.” I start kissing sis on her lips as I move my hands into position & simultaneously tease both her nipples at the same time. I feel her body tense up as she moans into our kisses. I can feel her body reacting every time I press & rub across them, she really does have some sensitive nipples! I start to rub her them around faster & she breaks from the kissing to let out a nice moan just for me. “Ffffuck that feels so good.” “I know right & you’re being so brave for me, you’re doing so good for your little sis!” “T-thank you Rose.” “No problem, big sis!” I say as press on both her nipples really hard just to mess with her. “Mmm more gentle plllease” she says while moaning out for me. “Of course, sissy! Thank you for telling me!” “I don’t know how much I can take & I don’t want us to get caught.” “Yeah that’s fair.” I rub them lightly for her & she gasps.
“Now then Wendy, I did say I wanted to put my hands on your chest & I already have through your shirt, so may I reach under & feel them with my bare hands, if that's okay?” She nods & I try something new on her once again by leaning in to kiss her neck while I slide my hand up her leg to the hem of her t-shirt. I slip my fingers gently underneath the hem. Her soft tummy feels so warm & good on my hand, I caress her as I run my fingers up her body. The skin on her neck is just as soft & warm as I plant my lips on it. Gentle smooches landing like rain drops on her tanned skin. She lets out a quiet little moan for me & deposits a breath every time a smooch hits her beautiful neck. I think I’m in Heaven, never did I think I’d be doing such things with my hot older sister! She holds onto me as I work my fingers up to her chest. Oh my god, my hands are on now her boobs! Holy shit, holy fucking shit! They’re so soft & squishy! Those perfect & voluptuous breasts are being squeezed between my fingers! She makes more lovely little sounds for me as I press on, rub around, squish, & squeeze her tits. All the while I lightly suck on her neck & lick it, planting little kisses up & down my sister’s beautiful neck. Now that I think about it, why don’t I just bite her neck at least once while we’re here. She clenches onto me as I bite her softly, letting out a nice audible moan for me once more. Big sis Wendy makes the best noises I’ve ever heard! “Wendy, your breasts feel so good in my hands. They’re the best! Are you okay? I hope I didn’t bite too hard sis.” “I-I’m glad & yes, but maybe be a bit more gentle with the next bite.” “I can do that, thank you for telling me.” She seemed to be in a horny haze mentally; but as long as she gave me the okay I would pleasure my big sister & show her something incredible before her birthday! I must cheer her up! She just kept looking at me with those longing eyes; so I bit her neck again but softer & in a different spot. She gasped & gripped me hard again. I continued to caress & fondle her big beautiful breasts under her shirt, they feel so good to squish & play with! I started teasing her nipples too, just like before, but this time skin-to-skin & I knew kissing her would deafen her beautiful noises. As much as I longed to hear her symphony of sounds, getting caught wasn’t an option! I teased her nipples with my thumbs as I kissed her soft lips. Such perfect nipples, so soft & warm in my hands. Every part of my big sis is perfect!
“I think it’s my turn, little sis.” “Your turn?” “Y-yeah, truth or dare?” I stop fondling my big sis for a moment & grin, “dare.” “I dare you to let me sit on your lap.” My lap?? My face heats up. My hands are all up on this girl’s boobs, but her sitting on my lap? Once again, I’m extremely flustered & my cheeks are hot! She was gonna feel how hard I am underneath her. My ladyboner was gonna be a dead give away for how turned on I was if it wasn’t obvious already. “Oh uh okay sis, yeah let’s do it!” I slide my hands off & sit against the back of the couch. I was about to feel her ass on my lap. I'm Instantly more throbby as she sits down on my lap, back towards me. Her ass in those short-shorts is so perfect, holy shit. My sister has a perfect butt and it’s now sitting right on my cock! I’m freaking out internally, but externally I hug her from behind & kiss the back of her neck between her pigtails. “Oh sis, your neck is so kissable.” I kiss the back of her neck more as I reach a hand up under her shirt to fondle her tits more. Cupping, squishing, rubbing, & squeezing her beautiful breasts with her squirming, aroused on my lap. She gasps & moans for me, I can’t believe we’re actually doing this together! I can’t believe I’m fondling my big sis, hearing her, & seeing her like this! I take a whiff of her scent & whisper “You’re being so good for me, big sis.” She whimpers from my praise. I lift up the back of her shirt & kiss up her pretty back while running my fingers across her bare skin. She’s so perfect! I’m reaching my hands around to caress her stomach too, she’s so soft & warm, I just wanna feel her up everywhere! I go for her legs & rub my hands upwards towards the hem of her short-shorts, caressing her inner thighs with my fingers. She lets out soft breaths & gasps throughout & it’s absolutely delightful! I slide my hands back up & tease her pretty pink nipples between my fingers, rubbing them in circular motions. She gasps again & whimpers for me. I giggle, taking pleasure in her sounds in response to my touches & my lips on her back. “P-please don’t stop, that feels good.” “Good girl for telling me, that’s what I like to hear! Can I try pulling on them for you.” “Yes, just be gentle.” “Of course, sissy!” I pinch her nipples lightly between my fingers & grab them softly. Oooh that elicited quite the verbal reaction, how nice. Let’s try this then! I pull on her nipples lightly & tug on them a little. A loud moan escapes big sister’s mouth as she leans forward. I’m so fucking wet & hard! “Are you two okay up there?” One of my parents ask, creating panic in both of us for a moment, but I use my tone faking skills I’ve developed over the years to keep us safe. “Yeah, it’s just been a while since I stretched & my back felt so good, sorry about that!” I said & they never came upstairs to check on us thankfully, so they must have bought it. I playfully pull my sister’s nipples again, she’s covering her own mouth this time & I twist them lightly for her. She grunts & moans into her hand. Big sis is such a good girl! “You okay, Wendy?” “Mhm.” She uncovers her mouth and looks back at me, breathing heavily & nodding. It was time for round 3 to start!
“Hmm you know, big sis, I think it’s my turn now. Truth or dare.” “Dare.” “I dare you to let me taste your boobs, I want to lick them & suck on them for you.” “O-okay, but how will you do that with me on your lap?” “Turn around for me & sit on my lap facing me instead, I’ll show you.” “Okay.” She nods before standing up, turning around, & sitting on my lap facing me.She’s looking at me with those pretty bedroom eyes that tell me she craves her little sister. I take my glasses off & set them aside, meeting her bedroom eyes with my own. “Good girl, Wendy!” I grab her ass & back from behind to keep her from falling off my lap & bury my face in her bare breasts. She lets out a small breath in response. I rub my face in between them, taking in her scent & feel. Her cleavage smells so good! My big sister is the best! “Wendy, your boobs feel so good on my face, thank you, now for something more enjoyable for you sis!” I plant little kisses on her boobs & in turn hear little whimpers & gasps from her. Gods, I love this so much! I stick my tongue out & rub my face around in her bosoms, licking them all over as she lets out more breaths in response. I then focus my area of tasting & lick her nipples slowly, hearing her gasp as I swirl my tongue around them. I flick them with my tongue & every time, without fail, her body & vocals react to me. Big sister tastes so good! “Mmm sissy, you taste so good! I’m gonna suck on them now, okay?” She nods & wraps her arms around me gently. I support her back in my hands as as I lean down & start sucking on her left tit. She moans & gasps for me as I suck on her breast, grabbing hold of my jacket with both arms wrapped around me. I begin to suck harder on her nipple & swirl my tongue around it too, her grip on me tightens & she whimpers & moans softly, music to my ears with every noise my big sister makes. She’s so beautiful & makes such beautiful sounds, how fitting! I stop & start sucking on her right breast, right on the nipple, while I use one hand to reach up & play with her already sensitive left breast. Can’t leave either of them unattended, my sister deserves only the best! She squeaks out a loud moan despite trying to hold it in, how lovely! I’m getting so fucking wet & hard beneath her, I’m sure she can tell. Surely she can feel me poking her? She must not mind feeling me throb for her. What a lovely big sister! She’s so good to me! I start licking, sucking, & taking turns doing so to both of her voluptuous breasts, I just can’t get enough! Her grunts & gasps, her back arching into my hands as she reacts to my mouth on her. Everything about my older sister is divine! I stop & check in on her again. “How are you feeling, big sis?” “Good.” “That’s good, I’m glad, cutie!” She’s looking at me longingly for more like she wants me for dinner! The lustful look in her eyes as we make eye contact makes me throb even harder beneath her, creating even more of a wet spot on my jeans. As if I wasn’t soaked enough already! “Little sister, I think it’s my turn now.”
“O-oh yes right, of course.” She leans onto me & kisses my lips suddenly, passionately, her arms wrapped around my shoulders. “G-go ahead, sorry, I just really missed this. Truth or dare?” I rub her back and kiss her lips now for a good minute or so, taking in the taste & feel of her soft pink lips once again. “Nothing to be sorry about sis, your kisses are amazing! As for truth or dare though hmmm...” she suddenly kisses me more & sucks on my lip, I moan into our kissing. She then slips her tongue onto mine & I grip her hard as we keep going. Big sis & I are swapping spit just like I dreamt about all those years ago! Her soft wet tongue feels just as perfect as I thought it would! I’m so fucking wet & hard, holy shit this is amazing! I reach up under her shirt & caress her bare back, running my nails along her soft warm skin lightly. We both pull away for a moment with spit trailing between our mouths & chins, breathing hard & longing for each other like animals ready to mate. “Okay, this time for real. Truth or dare?” she asks me. “You know my answer, you hottie.” I say, smirking playfully. “I-I dare you to let me feel your cock. I want it, I want to feel it please!” My soul nearly left my body on the spot, she wants my girldick, holy shit!! My face is as molten hot as a volcano! “Y-you w-want to f-feel my cock?” I ask her, flabbergasted & the most flustered I’ve ever been in my life up to that point. She nods, affirming that she did in fact ask to feel my dick. “W-well big sis u-um h-how do you wan-want to um feel it?” She shrugs. “I just want to.” “You just want my cock really bad?” Her cheeks get absolutely flushed & she nods shyly. I take a deep breath, okay, this is her first time & she’s a little uncertain, what should we do? “O-okay let’s um- h-how about you uh take one of your hands and um put it on my lap?” She nods shyly, pulls her shirt down, & gets off my lap to sit right beside me on the couch, laying her head against mine softly. I move one of her pigtails out the way & kiss her cheek. She was so warm in the face & hasn’t touched me yet. “It’s okay if you aren’t comfortable, you don’t have to if don’t want to, okay?” She nods & then nervously places her hand onto my lap, her cheeks a bright pink. “Down a little more, dear sister.” She nods again & slides her hand down until she gets right onto my bulging hard-on. “Oooh fuck.” I moan out for her, gripping onto the couch tightly with my hands at my side. She curls her fingers in a bit, essentially wrapping them around my cock through my jeans. I whimper a little, I'm so sensitive! Oh my god, my big sister is touching my cock! This is the best day ever! “W-Wendy your hand feels good right there!” She starts to rub on it softly with her fingers, up & down through the fabric, it takes everything in me not to be too loud & get us caught! I, her little sister of many years, was now singing a symphony just for her! I lean into her ear & whisper quietly through my gasps & moans, begging her “mm f-fuck Wendy p-please don’t stop, it feels so good!” She nods & starts rubbing my cock faster & having now applied more pressure. I grip onto her with one hand, moaning & gasping into her ear. “W-Wendy, your pretty good at this for your first time.” “T-thanks.” Her beautiful hands feel & look so good rubbing me through my jeans. “Heheh no problem big sis. May I do another?” “Sure.” Round 4 was starting since we just couldn’t keep our hands off each other!
“Truth or dare.” “Dare.” “I dare you to take that hand of yours & touch my ladyboner through my underwear.” “O-okay.” I slide my jeans down & my throbbing wet member pops out via my boxers, a big wet spot right on the tip. “It’s really wet.” “Yeahhh because of you sis! Again, you don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.” “I’ll touch it above there then.” “Sounds good to me, whatever you’re comfy with!” She slides her hand across my underwear & I gasp, already feeling her close makes it throb even more. Even just the anticipation is killing me! She gets to below my tip where the surface area is still dry & starts to caress & rub my cock around with her fingers. Oooooh fuck this feels so good! Sister’s hands feel so good on my cock, holy fuck. If this is wrong then I never wanna be right! I stick part of my still unzipped jacket in my mouth to deafen my verbal reactions. She stops rubbing & looks at me concerned. “You okay?” I stop biting the jacket & giggle, blushing & smiling at her. “Yes, I’m okay, it’s just your touch feels so good & I don’t want us to get caught. No worries, please keep going.” “Oh okay.” She’s blushing so much & smiles shyly before she starts rubbing my shaft again, stroking it up & down now through the fabric. She’s got her whole hand around it now, holy shit. I bite down on my jacket, but I’m still moaning through it & she can tell how good I feel as she starts stroking me faster. Ooooh fuck, big sister pleaseeee! Your hand feels too good!! My precum starts getting everywhere & she keeps stroking my dick despite it getting all over her hands. I’m getting so soaked from my sister that the fabric of my boxers is making sopping wet noises as she jacks me off! I’m looking up into her eyes like the needy little girl I am. I love big sis Wendy so much! She’s doing so good jacking her little sister off! I let go of my jacket, whimpering & moaning softly, I need her, I need my sissy! “Oooh fuck Wendyyyy mmmm feels so good ffffuckkkk!” “Heheh I’m glad!” She jacks me off more & more, not stopping. I’m really bringing out the pervert in my big sister, she doesn’t even care that I’m getting her hand all wet as opposed to earlier. She must love that I’m making all this juice just for her! What a naughty older sister, I love that!
“My hand is getting tired.” “Okay well, that’s okay, let’s change my dare for you then. I dare you to show me your panties & then let’s try something special together.” “Okay.” She nods & moves her hand off my cock. My boxers are absolutely soaked all over! “Um what should I do about all this?” My face turns bright pink as she shows me all the precum on her hands, her palm & fingers are coated with it! “Uh umm well, there’s no napkins up here or towels so uhhhh just use my jacket, it’s black & it’ll dry quickly so no one will notice!” “Okay!” She wipes all the precum onto my jacket & I giggle, a bit embarrassed by my mess. “Sorry about that, I didn’t expect you to get so into it & you made me super wet.” “That’s okay little sis.” She’s smiling at me with rosey red cheeks & climbs onto my lap. We kiss once more, arms wrapped around one another, both smiling into the embrace of our lips. We’re so in sync right now, it’s incredible! I love Wendy! “So um you just wanna see them?” “Yeah, I wanna see what my big sister’s got going on, your butt too maybe if that’s okay!” “Okay.”
Not so much as a few hours ago I never would have thought I’d be seeing my older sister unbuttoning her jean shorts in right front of me, on my lap no less! I can’t help but bite my lip as I watch her hands work at the buttons. “So what was the thing you wanted to try with me?” “Well, I wasn’t gonna put it inside or anything as that’s kinda risky & I’m not sure if either of us brought condoms & I don’t know your comfort levels since this is all new to you aaaand I’m over explaining! Anyway um... I wanted to try f-fucking you t-through our clothes like from behind.” “Dry humping?” “Y-yeah!” “Okay, well let me show you my underwear first.” “O-okay!” She slides the tops of her shorts down a bit revealing Batman panties.“W-wow sis those are really pretty on you!” “T-thanks, I just kinda threw these on before I left.” “Y-yeah no problem! You look really good in them!” We’re both awkward blushing messes trying to keep our composure for whatever reason. She was above me looking down at me with her panties out, I felt like I was in Heaven & looking at the most beautiful angel I’ve ever seen!
I wasn’t good at handling silence back then as I always felt I needed to fill up that space so I moved on saying “well, why don’t I try dry humping you?” “Okay, so; um... where do you want me to be?” “I’ll help show you, get off my lap first though. Not that I don’t love you being on top of me heheh!” She blushes, climbs off my lap, & sits beside me. “Okay so keep those shorts unbuttoned, now go ahead & bend over on the couch for me, sis.” “On the back of the couch or on the floor?” “On the floor so we don’t get caught, the couch will hide us.” “Okay.” She gets on her knees & leans her upper body on the couch. I sit on the floor & caress her voluptuous ass with both hands, give it a little squeeze. I hear her let out a little gasp. “Good girl, Wendy!” “Thank you.” I can hear the desire in the thanks she gave. Her craving tone, big sis wants me so bad. I lovingly kiss her ass before I get on my knees & press my body up against hers. I reach my hands down & hold her hips, caressing her in both my hands. I rub my right hand under her shirt & up her back, feeling her soft warm skin. God, she’s so beautiful, even bent over in front of me like this. My older sister’s soft sides are gorgeous too & such grabbable hips, perfect for holding! “You ready, sissy?” “Mhm.” She nods & I grab a good hold of both her hips & I start thrusting into her ass. “Mmm!” She moans out for me & grunts with each thrust. The skin of her beautiful legs vibrating every time I collide with her, her pig tails bouncing around lightly. Big sis makes the best noises! I start thrusting harder & faster into her & she uses one hand to stifle her sounds. I wish she wouldn’t, but I know for both our sakes that she must! “May I slide your shorts down now?” “Okay, just not all the way.” “Is it okay if I slide them down enough to see your butt?” “Um y-yeah.” “Are you sure? I just wanna make sure you’re comfortable.” She turns her face to look me in my eyes & says “I’m sure, it’s fine.” We’ve built up so much trust over the years that I knew she was telling the truth. I slide her shorts down more to where I can see her beautiful butt & I caress her sweet ass with both hands. I tease one thumb slightly under the waistband of her panties, running my finger along her bare butt & onto her butt crack, I rub there affectionately, wanting to tease her a bit, “good girl Wendy.” She moaned in response to feeling my touch against her bare skin, I take my thumb out of her undies & lightly pat her butt. “Your butt is absolutely perfect & so beautiful Wendy.” “Thank you.” “My pleasure dear, now is it okay if my underwear touches yours?” “Yeah.” “Okay, it’s only fair I expose mine to you too, heheh!” “Heh yeahh.” I slide my jeans down to where my underwear is fully exposed & press my wet throbbing member right up against her ass. She lets out a soft little whimper. “You feel how hard I am?” I ask in response to her sounds. “Y-yeah kinda.” “Alright let me make sure you feel it even more then.” I reach down & adjust my cock’s direction to slide in as deep as it can into her panty-covered backside & press myself as close onto her as I can. She moans lightly. “Oh yeah, now you feel it don’t ya, sis? You ready for me?” “Mm yeah I’m ready.” I grab a good hold of my sister’s hips again & start thrusting my cock into her. She whimpers louder & I start pumping it into her panty-covered ass faster. Her ass bouncing as I collide with her, my cock rubbing against her somewhere between her butt & her pussy. She’s loving it, gripping the couch tight as my boner rocks into her. My cock feels so warm pressing into her here, holy shit it feels so good! Even I have to stifle my own noises from how good this feels! My older sisters body is so perfect, I can’t get enough! At some point I’m just rubbing my cock up against her buttocks as it loses it’s initial position, but it feels so good up against her ass!
“Hey can we stop?” I was surprised, but alright. “Yeah, of course!” She pulls up her shorts & buttons them up. I pull up my jeans in turn. “Wait, you don’t have to... um I have an idea I wanna try.” My face instantly heats up again. I’m so gay for her, holy shit! “Oh? What’s your idea?” I’m surprised she’s taking the reins of our little homoerotic dance now. “Lay down on the couch for me.” WHAT did she just say? “L-lay down? W-where at?” “Against the back of the couch as low & far back as you can.” She’s um really taking initiative huh? Well, who am I to say no? She clearly has an idea she’s invested in trying & I’d love to indulge my big sister’s whimsies! Though she’s so much more innocent than me seemingly so I wonder what she’s thinking of trying... hmm. “Yes ma’am! Your wish is my command, big sis!” I smile at her & she’s smiling back at me with flushed cheeks. I lay back against the back of the couch with only my head tilted up a bit against the back of it. She takes off her glasses & places them on a side shelf this time. “I’m good for whatever you want to try so just go for it, alright? Surprise me!” I’m sure that whatever she wants to try, I’ve already done with Cassandra before; so, it’s not like it’ll be anything I wouldn’t be used to already. She suddenly climbs up on top of me & pins my wrists down! Oh, she’s taking full initiative! Cassandra never does anything like this. I’m... speechless! All I can mutter out is an, “oh!” while my cheeks become the hottest they’ve ever been! “You okay?” “Y-y-y-yeahhh... please continue, I’m just surprised!” Her knees are at my sides, her ass is on my cock, & I’m pinned down unable to escape my older sisters clutches, just how I like it!I’ve never had anything like this happen before!It figures that one of the most physically affectionate women in my life would be so assertive in the bedroom. I just had to get her out of her shell. Now the beast has gone wild & I had no idea what was next! “Good.” She starts grinding her crotch softly & slowly on my bulge! I whimper & moan, “mmm ooooh fuck!” quietly as to not get us caught. Upon hearing that, she grins & starts rubbing herself on my dick even faster, she’s grunting & gasping too while looking down at me. I can’t escape & she’s rubbing herself on my cock, I think I might just explode! My older sister is the best! Fuck oh fuck her crotch is getting so warm too, holy shit! Warm & damp on my cock! She must be super wet if I can feel this through her panties & short-shorts! “Oh fuck fuck fuck Wendyyy, that’s it beautiful, oh fuck oh fuck I love you so much big sister!” She manages to utter out an “I love you too little sister” while losing herself in pleasure. Rocking forward & back on me, she’s so good at this! She’s using me like a fucking sex toy & I’m the little perverted sister who loves it! Oooh fuck her crotch feels amazing! I’m in heaven, I must be because she’s a fucking angel! Her crotch perfectly shaped & rubbing on my cock through both of our pants just feels so fucking incredible! Her warm damp crotch only making me harder & bigger for her to get herself off on. Her breasts swaying beneath her shirt, her thick legs rubbing against me too. Her eyes lustful & longing, looking at me as she fucks her clit on my dick. Her soft little moans & whimpers. This is so fucking perfect! She leans down & kisses my lips while rubbing her clit on me. Fuck I’m tasting my big sister while she fucks her clit on my dick! She slips her tongue into my mouth & I’m moaning, whimpering desperately into our kisses. She’s a goddess! She pulls away & her spit falls onto my chin. She’s looking down on me once more while getting her clit off against my bulge. She’s riding me, frotting with me. My own big sister fucking herself on me & here I thought I was the one having "indecent" thoughts all those years ago! This is a dream come true! “Mmm fuck sis can you show me your boobs again please?” “Sure.” She takes them out quickly & continues desperately frotting against my cock, her beautiful breasts swaying as she rides me. Fuckkk she’s so hot!
She folds her legs up & is just sitting on me now, her hands on my breasts for support. She’s riding me up high now & I can see her beautiful boobs so much easier. I reach up & fondle her while she rubs herself against me. She lets out a loud moan, but no one seems to notice so squeeze them & she stifles out another loud moan. She’s so cute & hot, holy shit! Big sis is riding me like I’m her personal dildo & I would gladly be her toy any day of the week if this is what that entails! I flick her nipples while she rocks back & forth on my cock. She gasps loudly. I then pull them a bit & she ceases up for a moment, covering her mouth & letting out a long moan into her hand. “Heheh my bad sis, maybe that one was a bit much.” “No it’s okay!” She leans back down & kisses my lips, our boobs pressed together, as she continues to ride me relentlessly! This is her first time & she’s made me her personal sex toy! This girl is wild & I love it! I reach around & grab her ass with one hand, squeezing & caressing it, & rub her cheek softly with the other as we kiss sloppily. I slide my hand beneath her pants & panties grabbing her bare ass as we start tongue kissing. She moans loudly into our kissing, but doesn’t stop; so, I just keep a hold of her like that & help push her rocking motions on my cock. So many wonderful touches & tastes all at once! If we weren’t worried about getting caught, I’m sure she could have overstimulated me & I would thank her for it! She’s so flexible too, riding me with full force like this, legs up, ass down! My big sister is amazing in all ways! “I-I think I’m starting to feel something!” “Good girl Wendy, chase that feeling!” She nods. She starts rubbing herself against my cock faster & harder, rolling her head back as the pleasure overtakes her whole body! “There you go there you go, that’s it! Keep it up! Good girl!” Oh fuck I’m staring to feel something too actually, I think I’m gonna climax soon just from my sister’s clothed crotch! I gotta wait until she does though, that way she can use my big hard dick as her toy! Her head is rolled back & she’s moaning out just for me! This is so hot! She’s practically pumping my dick with the warm damp crotch area of her pants & her weight combined! I grab onto her ass with both hands now & rocking her back & forth, helping her clit get rocked even harder against my girldick! She’s rocking against me so good! Doing such a good job! “Oh oh fuck oh fuck fuck fuck!” she sputters out, it seems like she’s getting close! I can’t believe I’m gonna make my big sister orgasm from frotting! That’s it, ride your little sister’s cock like a good girl! This is what little sisters are for after all! This is my purpose as your younger sibling, I’m meant to pleasure you! I can feel her riding desperately, I’m rocking her ass back & forth as best as I can! We can do this! Such a desperate needy girl, I never knew this side of her! I feel her tense up on my cock for a moment & then she’s catching her breath on me.
“Hey, you okay, sissy?” “Yeah I just felt so good, it all felt so good.” “Awww, good girl! I’m glad dear.” “Did you cum yet, little sis?” “No, not quite yet, but you certainly got me close!” “Okay.” She puts her hands back on my chest & starts grinding on my cock super hard & fast! She has a second wind?!? “This feel good, little sis?” “mmmmf fffffuckk yes yes yes yes!” I’m moaning out for her desperately! “I love you big sister!” “I love you too!” “You wanna make me cum that bad?” “Hhh fuck of course I do!” She leans down & starts kissing my neck & licking it whilst riding me & flicks my nipples, teasing them with her fingers & even going so far as to lick them & suck them while putting all this pressure & movement on my cock! Her damp wet crotch rubbing up on me, making me so so neeedy ffffuck! She takes her boobs back out for me to see, knowing how much I enjoy seeing them. They’re swaying with her as she rides me so good! Oooooh fuck big sis is so sexy, I’m getting close hhh fuck!!! She’s grinding as fierce as she was before, her crotch pumping my cock through my jeans! “Good girl good girl good girl that’s it, just like that don’t fucking stop!” Oh my god oh my god I’m gonna- fffuckkk I’m gonna- I’m gonna cum ffffuck she’s riding me so hard, her pigtails hit my face at some point & hair got in my mouth, but she feels so good on me that I don’t care, I’m moaning out for her. I need my sis I need her I need herrr! I’m gonna cum for my big sis! I’m gonna fucking cum for my older sister ffffffuuuuuuckkkkk! I can barely keep a hold of her ass she’s making me feel too good! I suddenly cum so much as she rides me some more! I let out a long moan for my big sis Wendy, looking up into her eyes desperately as she milks my cock! Hhhhh fuckkkkk! I’m catching my breath now, “I love you so much Wendy.” “I love you too Rose.” “Let’s lay down big sister, you did a great job making me cum & I hope I got to make you cum too.” “I don’t know if I did or not since this was my first time, but thank you little sis.” “My pleasure.” We kiss each other a few times & sit up for a bit against the couch together. She gets up to put her beanie back on, her glasses, & her bra as well before coming to sit back down with me, bringing my glasses over too. I put them back on before I wrap my arm around her shoulder & she rests her cheek on me. “So Wendy, for your first time, how was it.” “It felt so good.” “God, I’m so glad & I know right! Pretty amazing huh?” “Mhm!” “You’re an amazing older sister, you know that?” “Well, you’re an amazing younger sibling!” “Aw shucks, we’re both pretty great, aren’t we? Though I will say I was pleasantly surprised with the way you took charge during that last bit. You really know how to get a girl going!” “Thank you.” She turns her head away a bit shyly. She’s so cute when she’s shy like that. “You know for someone who was telling me not too long ago that you weren’t sure if you were bisexual or straight, you sure just did have your first real sexual experience with a woman. That’s kinda gay!” “Heheh yeah, I guess I am bi after all!” “That’s the spirit, welcome to the gay club, haha!” She goes to the bathroom to clean up & stuffs some toilet paper into her undies to avoid a yeast infection since she didn’t bring a change of clothes with her. When she came back she told me “you know that thing I felt earlier was probably me cumming because when I looked, I was soaked!” “Aww yay, well, I’m glad I could help do that for you & help cheer you up a little bit today sis!” I was so happy that I could help her reach orgasm & seemingly one of her first orgasms at that! It was such an honor! I’m such a good little sister! I quickly & quietly snatched some underwear from my room & changed into that, but I had no other blue jeans so for the entire rest of the visit I had to keep my jacket covering my crotch by having my hands in my pockets if I went anywhere else in the house. I was stuck with the mess my big sister made me create that had leaked through my boxers. How lewd!
“Wait, which one of us won Truth or Dare?” Wendy asked. “I think we're far beyond Truth or Dare at this point big sis, heheheh, but let's say we both won today! I lost track honestly!” I smile at big sis & hold her hand. “Heheh! Yeah same, it was really fun though!”
“I love you, big sis Wendy.”
“I love you too little sis.”
We cuddle quietly for a bit & she ends up falling asleep on my chest for 30-60 minutes. I kept rubbing her back soothingly until she passed out. She’s so pretty when she’s asleep; so at peace, I love her so much. I never want this moment to end. Her mom arrives to come pick her up gives her 20 minutes to wrap things up. We kiss a bunch, a little lip sucking, a little tongue, and cheek caressing tenderly. We both wished this could happen more often, that this could last outside of today, but it would complicate things for all of us. Cassandra probably wouldn’t like it either & so we hugged & didn’t let go for a whole minute or so. “Back to normal I guess, huh sis?” We both sigh & look at one another. “Yeahh, but that was nice.” “It sure was Wendy, I don’t know if I’ll be able to forget.” “That’s okay, I’m not sure if I will either.” There was a bittersweet energy in the air between us; we both got a bit teary eyed, but neither of us regretted a thing. We kept it our little secret from Cassandra, Jessy, & everyone else.
A week later it was birthday bash time! A hang out at my big sister’s place, I was one of the first people invited apparently! Now’s the time to act normal, we just fucked like a week ago, but it’ll be okay! Just play it cool. As I got there I was welcomed with open arms by Wendy & she squeezed me tight, I squeezed her tightly in return. “You doing okay sis?” “Yeah, you?” “Yeah!” We smiled at each other & exchanged a knowing bittersweet look in that moment, we both remembered everything that went down on that special impromptu siblings day, but we couldn’t say it. Not in front of all these people. Not in front of my parents or hers. Not when Cassandra was also invited along with a few others. She held my hand & brought me into the living room where everyone else was & for a moment I lit up once more. I was hers again, the target of her affection, if only for a fleeting moment. I wonder if she felt the same for those few seconds. The party was amazing, Cassandra showed up & sat in my lap. Wendy playfully sat in Cassandra’s lap for a minute much to Cassandra’s surprise “woah Wendy-.” Was there any meaning to that or was it just Wendy being Wendy? We’ll never know. Then everyone else proceeded to try & join in on the lap sitting sandwich & they all fell over except Cassandra and myself. Back to normalcy I guess. Then the funniest thing happened late into the night near when the party ended & Wendy was in the bathroom. Jessy pulled me aside into Wendy’s room with her other friend Laurel asked me like, “hey you hung out with Wendy most recently & you see her often, do you think she’s straight or bisexual?” The entire gay sex scenario that we just had a week ago flashed back through my mind at light speed & I just stared at the floor for a few seconds. Wow, this is the worst possible question! “Hmm you know, I think she’s bi, but that’s just my speculation!” “What’s the basis for that?” Jessy responded inquisitively. “Eh, nothing really, just the vibes, y'know? There’s just something about her! Not really sure it's our place to speculate though!” I shrug & take a big long sip of my drink, staring at the floor once again. She was absolutely bisexual, her first orgasm & sex was with a woman! You’re asking the girl who gave it to her, who unlocked the bisexuality! These two would never know the truth, nor would anyone irl as far as I know.
💖Author Note: I’m only sharing this because I wanted to write a love letter to my past, to her in how we felt about each other back then, & those beautiful moments we shared together. Also I wanted to try my hand at writing more smut & sometimes you just like to think back on past sexual experiences. Really stepped into my own past memories, feelings, & POV with this one. I wanted to get this wonderful story out there for the world to see/hear without giving away the secret. A few tweaks, a few name changes, some added details, some details left out. This is all based on truth & a love I felt so deep but couldn’t have in this life. I still absolutely love my big sister, love her to death, but it’s not like that now (as far as I’m aware) & I’m perfectly content with that reality! If you see this; no, I’m not gonna make it weird unless you want to, though I doubt you would. We’re both older adults now than we were when this story took place & we’re at different places in our lives than we were back then. Hard to ever forget an experience like that though, you gotta admit! It was pretty gay! 💜
#I’m taking some creative liberties with this for the sake of story telling but this is rooted in truth; at least the majority of it is#little disclaimer of course that this is all just young adults playing pretend; we weren’t actually raised together or anything like that#no genetic relation whatsoever between parents; siblings; etc. I know this disclaimer shouldn’t be necessary but I’m trans so yeah lmao#also this is very reminiscent of early 2000s queer sisterhood relationships & is apparently way more common than I had thought#found family turns gay moments; I’m also changing names & things a bit for privacy reasons obviously; if she somehow finds this though#then we’ll just cross that bridge & have that conversation when we get there if she wants to; I’m not too pressed or stressed about it tbh#I’m making up names for everyone in the story but I honestly could never forget an experience like this#I don’t know if she ever forgot either seeing as she’s now seemingly a part of a polycule? or might be? I think that's neat#yknow polyamory the thing we talked briefly about? yeah so I must have awakened something in her; awakening times 2#a bi discovery wasn’t the only thing made this day lmaoooo I put a lot of heart and soul into this story; I’m sure that’s probably obvious#it has a happy ending; at least one I’m satisfied with; but that’s because it’s literally based on my life & events & relationships irl#fauxcest#siscon#siscest#sibcest#sibcon#trans nsft#nsft trans#nonbinary nsft#trans ns/fw#tagging it with all the labels since I know how some people on here are about stuff#this took me like a whole 3-4 days to publish so please reblog it! I worked hard on this & I worked on this hard! lmao#be loyal to your partners; don't cheat. I wanna clarify that. do as i say not as i do or whatever; I was young; this was a long time ago
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Ditto
a/n: part two of don’t delete the kisses! this whole story is based on me atp 🙁 I love new jeans and the song felt right so…
Prt.1 | Prt.3 | Prt.4
Warnings: mentions of suicide. very cliche and cheesy. fluff.
“I got nothing to lose. Stay in the middle. I like you a little”
If pain must come, may it come quickly.
Because I have a life to live, and I need
to live it in the best way possible.
If she has to make a choice, may she
make it now. Then I will either
wait for her or forget her.
You’d died some years ago, one day after your birthday to be specific. You’d left your family, friends and girlfriend with no previous warning, so suddenly that everyone that knew you broke into so many pieces when receiving the news.
Everyone felt so off, so confused. How could you be laughing with everyone just some hours before simply stop existing? Why didn’t you ask for help? How long had you planned the whole thing? How did all of this even work?
It was no surprise to anyone that you weren’t the most healthiest girl, but how did nobody ever notice that you weren’t good that day?
Your parents couldn’t stop blaming themselves, the rest of your family could not stop crying for months after you left, your friends couldn’t deal with school knowing you wouldn’t be there and your girlfriend, she felt so sick. She felt like maybe she should also try, just to be with you. She felt physically weak at your lost.
And if it wasn’t for the letters you left before doing what you did, if it wasn’t for your parents and their love for you, if it wasn’t for your girlfriend and the respect she’d always had for you. She would’ve probably done it.
“Mom, dad. I love you both with my entire heart. Words cannot describe it.
And I’m so sorry I left.
I have one las thing to ask you, please take care of Ellie.
Please be nice with my friends and take care of them like I did.
Please support on Ellie and let her support on you.
Please forgive me. I promise we’ll meet again.
Tons of love, your daughter.”
Those were the last phrases written on the letters you’d left for your parents. You’d planned everything for so long. And yes it sucked that you left but for you it was the best. You died so peacefully and made sure everyone knew.
You made sure everyone would move on.
And so they did.
And so you did.
You were born again. This time it was a pretty normal life, just you and your mom, some friends from school and that was it. But the more you grew up the more things started to get more complicated.
You’d had the most beautiful dreams about a freckled girl whose name was El, she had the most pretty smile you’d ever seen. And those dreams were so continuous, you’d have them every day. There were many pieces left but the general context was there, and honestly you felt like it wasn’t necessary, it all felt just too familiar.
You’d find out that El was actually Ellie, she loved dogs until one bit her and she never ever wanted to get a pet, until you got cats so she begged her dad to get her one. Everyone called you Mel so you just assumed that was your name. And Ellie was definitely your best friend.
But those dreams became nightmares, or at least that’s the feeling you got whenever you woke up. Ellie was always there, but you felt sad, you felt empty and annoyed all the time. And it felt so real.
You’d cry in your sleep and your mom would always come to your room to wake you up, but you never explained to her what was it. You had the feeling you shouldn’t tell her.
And it all made sense the moment you turned eleven. They weren’t dreams or nightmares, just your past life. And it made you feel sick because of everything that had happened.
It wasn’t your only memory, not even your only life. But that’s the one that came first to your mind.
And how could you just ignore it all when it felt incomplete? When you still remembered every detail of it and when you remembered all the promises you made to Ellie but couldn’t accomplish?
You had the same taste as her, same interests too, so your plan was to get to college with her, graduate together and then travel around the world together. Become rich together, have lots of cats and if you’d convince her, make a family.
But the heart is way more powerful than the mind, and it all stayed like that, like a dream some teens in love made one day.
From that age on your life had changed completely. Good grades without trying, thanks to all the previous knowledge, smarter than the rest of your classmates and more mature of course.
You did anything to search for Ellie, to understand why was she so important. Turns out she was the privileged one in this life, or that’s what it looked like since she’d go to the most prestigious schools. Roles this time were kinda inverted, or maybe it was just a coincidence.
There was nothing you could do to find her, at least not at that age. She lived far from you and attended to schools you could never afford.
So the only thing you could do was live your life as a normal person, grow up and find a way to get close to her.
And that’s what you did. You forgot she existed during most college, you were stresses and doing homework or studying all the time. Working on projects, doing exams.
You just didn’t had time to think on anything else. But it was worth it because that allowed you to get your dream job, and eventually your dream life.
“God, baby, I’m gonna miss you so much” your mom opened her arms, waiting for you to hug her. You practically run to her, she smelled so good, and she was always warm, how comfortable, how comforting “you’re sure you don’t want my help with building stuff?” right, you’d just moved to a not so small apartment.
“I promise mom, I’ll find a way to make it work” she kissed your forehead gently, laughing at the lipstick mark left on it “I’ll clean it, don’t worry” you stopped her hands before she’d try to clean it with her saliva “I hope you learn to value your mother once you see how hard it’s to be an adult”
“Oh stop the drama! you know I love you” now you were the one hugging her, tightly as if it was the last time you’d do it “Call me if you need anything, you know time never matters Mhm?” you nodded.
The moment your mom left and you closed the door you took a deep breath, because maybe you should’ve said yes.
There were at least 10 boxes displayed in the whole apartment. You didn’t even know what it was. The bed was already there, so was the couch and a huge tv, what else did you need and why had you bought so many things for the apartment?
“Fuck me”
You had a big body yes, but not strong at all. And yes you were smart, but not enough to understand the fucking instructions that came with everything you had to build for probably the next whole week.
It was late at night already, probably around 10pm, and so far you’d only managed to build your desk. You were currently sitting on the cold wooden floor as you ate some shitty ramen you’d bought thinking it would taste amazing. It didn’t and was stupidly spicy.
Your fingers were moving all over your phone, scrolling trough Pinterest and then trough Instagram and changing the same two apps over and over again until you finished eating.
All your lights were off but the light coming from the outside thanks to the huge windows was more than enough to illuminate the whole place. There was a small balcony right in front of the windows so you went outside, taking advantage of every place of the building since it costs almost too much for what it offers.
So you stay outside, resting your arms on the railing as you kept on scrolling through the same apps, looking for more inspiration for the apartment. Until you realize what you’d have to deal for the rest of your stance there.
A guitar being played coming from the apartment right next to yours. You sigh in annoyance because whoever is playing is not even good at it an you’ll probably have to listen to the same song until they learn how to play it.
“She wanted a band…” Ellie, your girlfriend, your best friend, the girl you broke her heart once, she wanted to become a singer, until you, her best friend, the girl she liked so much, told her how much she sucked at it. So stubbornly she quit and told everyone how it was your fault.
A sigh escaped out of your mouth, was it worth the try? would Ellie even fall for you again? was she even single? was she even your Ellie?
You’re so stupid.
-
The loud buzzing accompanied with a not so relaxing song wakes you up. 8 am in the morning, too early for a day of doing nothing-well, making your apartment look pretty.
You turn off the alarm and stare at the ceiling in pure silence for probably the next ten minutes.
It has been a week since you’d arrived the building. At this point you were already getting used to someone playing the guitar at night, you’d even go outside to hear the progress.
Back to today’s day. It all goes as what has become your new normal. You’d had the most non healthy breakfast and then you’d start to put together a new piece of furniture.
Today it was the last day of it actually, the only thing left was a small shelf that wouldn’t take much time.
And that could only mean one thing, today was the day you had to finally take out all the thrash.
So once you finished you lazily walked trough the whole apartment. Picking and folding boxes, and panicking over the exaggerated amount of plastic that came with the wrapping of all the furniture you’d bought.
You put all together so you didn’t had to go in and out of the building more than once and went outside your apartment, walking towards the elevator and sighing in pure relief because it was thankfully empty.
But things can’t be perfect because the moment you placed everything on the floor to throw them separately in the huge trash containers in front of you, the plastic started to fly away due to the weather.
Fucking unnecessary air.
Before you actually panicked a hand grabbed the huge piece of bubbly plastic, extending her arm back to you “need any help?”
Blessed necessary air.
Maybe your face looked as shocked as you felt because the very gorgeous Ellie standing in front of you tilted her head slightly, probably confused.
“Uhh yeah, thanks” you noticed how she had a tattoo on her right arm, she was wearing a pair of black jeans, some dirty converse and a white tank top under a baby blue plaid shirt-Were you staring too much?
“You just moved in?” she put the plastic under her arms and threw a small plastic bag on one of the containers “Mhm, a week ago” she nodded, awkwardly “I thought I was loud”
“Not at all, well, it’s probably the apartments, they’re kinda sound proof or something” you placed the last box on the container, meeting her eyes. They’re just as pretty as you remember.
“Really? I’ve been hearing this guitar all week at night, I don’t think they’re good if that’s the case” your two walked towards the building again, a small awkward smile forming on her face.
“Yeah…. that’s me, I thought no one could hear me. Sorry”
That changes all, suddenly the guitar is not annoying at all, in fact, you’re waiting for listening to it every night.
“Don’t worry it’s fine just… never mind” and then there was pure silence between the two of you as you walked inside the building.
“I promise I won’t be so loud” she was playing with her fingers “It’s fine, really. Im used to it by now” there were som loosen hair strands covering her face, she was looking down, probably ashamed “It’s the only free time I have to practice, I’ll try to to it earlier”
The elevator opened, she extended her arm so you would go inside first
“Its your house, feel free to do whatever you want, it doesn’t bother me el”
Fuck
“You know my name?” she panicked, maybe it was someone she knew but didn’t remembered?
“Mhm?” Play dumb, it always work
“You said el, did I hear wrong?”
“Yeah, probably” you clicked to the floor where you both lived at, turning your head towards her “Is that your name then?”
“No, actually, it’s Ellie. Ellie Williams” she extended her hand to you, she’s so cute, you thought. You did the same, shaking hands as you told her your name.
“Is it okay if I call you El then?” please say yes “yeah, I don’t mind it”
The moment you got in your apartment you wanted to scream. She was even prettier than what you remembered.
Your head kept on repeating the small conversation you just had with her, over and over again.
You decided to go to her apartment next day. being new in the building has its advantages, like casually gift her some food to maybe apologize for how loud you’d been even though you weren’t, or to thank her for being such a nice neighbor today, or any reason that gives you the chance to see her again.
-
There it is, Ellie’s guitar, at its usual hour.
You had just finished cleaning all the dishes you used for dinner. Fucking adult life. And were laying on the couch, scrolling trough social media.
Until you hear her of course.
Discretely you stood up from the couch, walking with your bare foot to the big cristal door that leaded to the balcony and getting outside, just like you did when you just arrived.
Hands resting on the cold railing, head resting on your wrists and Ellie’s guitar playing right next to you. This time one of the windows were open, she’d done it on purpose, didn’t she felt ashamed for being so loud- or maybe you’re exaggerating every interaction with her and overthinking everything that’s related to her.
-
The doorbell rings three times. 10 am. Too early.
A loud groan escapes from her mouth and she covers herself with her gray hoodie. She freezes the moment she steps out of bed because there’s only a pair of sorts covering her legs. Who the fuck is looking for her?
Maybe it was a bad idea to stay later at night playing the guitar for the pretty girl living next to her. She’s freezing, sleepy and exaggerated tired.
Or maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea.
“Oh…. did I wake you up? I’m so sorry” because there you are, standing right outside her door “Do I look so bad?” she chuckled, rubbing her eyes “I’m really sorry I just…. I wanted to thank you for yesterday and also apologize in case I was loud”
You extended your hand to her, giving her a small plastic bag with some food in it “I’m going out later, sorry for being here so early-“ she took the bag from your hands, finally looking back at you “it’s fine, you didn’t had to, really”
Would it be okay If she asked for your number? Would it be okay if you asked for her number?
“I was wondering If I could get your number too? just in case…”
You weren’t even finishing your sentence when she was already grabbing her phone
Maybe it was gonna be easier than you thought.
-
Week 7 of living here. It was indeed easier than you thought.
However there still was this thing bothering you. What should you actually do?
Yes you’ve met her casually and yes the bond with her was forming naturally. But what’s with your past life thoughts?
Because those “dreams” and “nightmares” had came back. And it was painful, because you regretted the decision you’ve made, almost every day. And it felt wrong to feel guilt, but how could you not?
And all these thoughts were eating you alive because what if you loose her again, what if she looses you again? Could you maybe talk with her about this? Or maybe-
“You good?” a cup of tea is placed in front of you. she sits right next to you, placing her legs on top of the chair. you nod.
“You zone out a lot” her lips curve upwards, making her dorky smirk appear. you smile back “There’s always thoughts on my mind, sorry”
“I wanted to ask you something…. don’t laugh alright?” “Don’t act so shy then” she rolled her eyes
You took a sip from the tea she had just made, staring at her face and trying to read the expression on it. She wouldn’t say anything.
“You can totally say no and I’ll act like nothing happened but uhm… would you maybe like to…. I don’t know, go out or something?
“As in a date or as in friends?” of course you knew what she meant, you couldn’t confusing the laughter “Yeah el, I’d like to go out with you” she smiled, moving her hands around her neck. She was probably burning inside from the shame.
“Is this how you always act around girls?”
“I always get asked first”
“Oh sorry miss hot, sorry for wanting to be asked first too”
“So you wanted to…. Why didn’t you ask?”
Her hands practically slapped her face, she’s so dramatic.
“I don’t understand how didn’t notice. I couldn’t stop looking at your tattoo when we met”
“I just thought you liked it”
“I also stared at your lips”
Silence. Just the sound of you sipping the tea, purposely loud.
“Stop it”
-
The date had basically been going out to every place near the building.
Walking trough a small park as you ate ice cream, shopping together at many thrifting stores and finding out you’re both so different yet with the same taste.
Both changing the conversation topic whenever a cute dog or cat passed by. Talking about pets, she sharing with you how she feared dogs when she was younger because one day a dog bit her, you feeling your heart almost exploding because it reminded you of the old Ellie.
Lots of small fights over who’d pay for the food and eventually letting her pay for you. Ellie wanting to hold you but being to shy to do it until you decided to grab her hands and then she wouldn’t let you go.
“Tell me more about your childhood, how was it to be born rich?” hopefully it wasn’t as depressing as you’d experienced it on your past life.
You were holding hands, walking back to your apartment. It was night already, not too late though.
“Great actually, I didn’t had to put much effort growing up. School was a pain in the ass thought, my parents would pay me classes to study after school and when they knew what I wanted to study in college they almost fainted, they practically told me I wasn’t that smart” a chuckle came out of her mouth “But they were always there for me. I didn’t have many friends though, I’ve always been very shy and introverted. What about you?”
You were too focused on how pretty she looked. She noticed and just smiled at you.
Was it the right time to kiss you?
“My life’s normal, I only have my mom and I’ve never connected with people so I just had some school friends growing up, nothing too deep. I was smarter than the rest of my class so I could skip some school years”
“I thought you were my age” her lips pouted in confusion “so you asked me out without being sure of my age? What if I’m five years younger than you?”
“You were the one to accept” she let go of your hand, holding her arms on the air acting innocence “I’m just two years younger, don’t worry you’re not doing anything ilegal”
Your arm extended, holding her hand again. Both of you gettin inside the building and then walking to the elevator.
Maybe now it was the right time to kiss you?
Her lips pressed on yours. Both of you closed your eyes, you could feel the grip on your hand tightening softly.
Your bodies felt like they were made for each other. The way her hands were the perfect size for yours, the way her fingers intertwined with yours, the way her mouth touched yours so delicately and so perfect.
The way your hands were the perfect size to fit on the back of her neck. The way her hands were the perfect size to fit your cheeks.The way your noses touched trough the kiss.
How beautifully your hearts had the same beat. How your breathing was as steady as hers.
It was a weird feeling that both or your bodies experienced as soon as you kissed. So familiar, so warm, so comforting. A deep form of love that could be experienced all over the body. A love that felt so safe and addictive.
And you two were craving for more.
Ding
The elevator opened, making the both of you break the kiss, which didn’t even last much, but it felt eternal, it felt like the right thing on the right moment.
The way your bodies and faces changed after it spoke more than words could ever. She couldn’t stop staring at you, and you weren’t precisely trying to avoid her so you did the same.
The dizziness that the elevator itself cause on the body combined with the way you two felt was almost too much to take. It felt so overwhelming, and finally it was in a good way for your body.
To you it just felt like peace, like you’ve done the right thing. No more regret or remorse, no more fear or anxiety.
To her it felt like this was meant to happen, like a deja vu that came out of nowhere but was meant to appear. Like if this had a deeper meaning behind it and she had to discover what it was. Like all of this had a deeper purpose for her and her life.
Soulmates, she thought. But it couldn’t be, she didn’t believe in that.
Ding
The elevator opened again
“Do you mind staying with me?” you finally stop holding hands with her, just to look for your keys. But before you could get your hand in the pocket of your jeans she stopped you “Stay at mine, I wanna show you something” a dumb smile appeared on your face.
It wasn’t the first time you’d go to her apartment but you’ve never seen it properly, you’ve never been there at night either.
-
You had arrive to the building probably about three hours ago. It was currently 12 am, Friday.
You were on her balcony as she played the guitar. She only knew a couple of songs and wanted to show to you how she didn’t suck as much as you thought she did.
And you gladly accepted. You had the perfect view of her tattoo on full display as she played the guitar, you could hear her pretty voice as she sang and the light coming from the other buildings was just perfect.
Ellie on the other hand, she could see your pretty eyes shining at her sight, she could see the way your hair fit you just perfectly on your body. How there’s some strings of hair tucked behind your ears. How pretty you smile is as she sings.
And it might be exaggerated but she feels like you’re the one. Like you didn’t just move to this building for no reason, like she didn’t decided to take the trash out that day so randomly for no reason, like you didn’t just appeared in her life for no reason.
You couldn’t just be a small romance on her life and then leave. This couldn’t be temporary.
You made her feel so familiar, like she had known you for years. She decided to believe in destiny, she believed that maybe you two were just meant to find each other, like this was meant to be. And you were just fine with it.
“Do you believe in soulmates?” your voice came out low, almost like a whisper. Her head moved towards you, she hummed thinking about her answer “Or…. reincarnation”
That word made her feel shivers all over her body. An image showed on her head for just the blink of an eye, almost too fast to even notice.
She was laying on the bed with someone else besides her, same question being asked. It changed her response.
“Maybe” unconsciously she but her bottom lip, just staring at you “do you?” she saw you nod. Your eyes were looking straight to hers, and for the first time on her life she didn’t felt like looking away. She felt unexplainably comfortable with you.
“Don’t mind me being so weird but…. I already know you” she just laughed “I’m sure we’ve met before, somewhere else at a different time”
“Maybe it wasn’t the right place, or the right moment” so she agreed? “I feel the same but I don’t think I’ve seen you before though” would it be okay if you tell her the truth? Would she believe it?
“Why you think that is?” and unconscious sigh escaped your mouth “What?” “Everything” she chuckled, lowering the guitar to the floor.
“Maybe destiny wanted something different, but love always wins right?” no, it doesn’t “And maybe we ate too much and it’s too late so we’re wandering” she stood up, white socks stepping on the floor as she walked inside. She stood on the frame of the door, waiting for you to get in.
“Wanna watch a movie?” She closed the door and placed her guitar on a wall, her place somehow was so tidy.
It had a lot of things though, a bunch of furniture filled with comics, books and vinyls. Some figures that looked pretty expensive. You only recognized the spider man one.
She had a console near the huge tv placed in her living room, and a bunch of pillows alongside a small blanket on the couch.
“Why do you have so many pillows in here?” she was already turning the tv on, laying on the couch and patting besides her so you would sit there. And so you did.
“I take a lot of naps in here during the day and fall asleep after working, I don’t realize I’m sleepy until I can’t even stand up so I decided to bring this here”
How could she be so lazy? and why was it so hot of her to be lazy?
“So you take naps while you should be working?” she nodded “I’m guessing you’ve been doing it for years now, I can’t believe you still have the job”
She just shrugged, casually opening her arms along the couch. And who in this earth would deny to cuddling with her?
None of you realized but eventually both just felt asleep, hugging each other, embraced by the warm blanket she’d covered you both before playing the movie.
#ellie williams#don’t delete the kisses ִ ۫ ּ 💭 ֙⋆ •#ellie x y/n#ellie williams x reader#ellie tlou2#ellie angst#ellie wiliams#ellie williams tlou#ellie x reader#ellie the last of us#ellie tlou#ellie x fem reader#ellie x you#ellie williams x y/n#ellie williams angst#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams x you#lesbian#Spotify#ren masterlist ᵎᵎ ִ ۫ ּ ⊹
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BEN Drowned
Headcanons !!
Disclaimer before someone comes for me.. this is all my au!!! No, I am not using ‘my au’ as an excuse to be weird btw !! Majority of this won’t be canon in any sense and most of my account is nothing like the canon character.. so please don’t use my blog as a way to get canon information!! Just thought I’d put it out there before someone shits on my posts because it’s bound to happen soon 😞
Ben is the biggest blue razz flavour lover, aside from Laughing Jack, anything in that flavour he will absolutely devour it. (Totally canon, I’m Ben’s left big toe)
He will sometimes forget to eat, drink, change clothes and shower to play video games because of how infatuated he is with the game he is playing.
Flirts with all his friends in a joking way, everyone is his ‘pookie’ or something along the lines of that. Until he actually develops a crush on a specific person then he forgets his ‘flirting skills’ (that were never really skills, he just took some cringe pet names he overheard and started calling his friends them ironically).
Jokes about his trauma, you will rarely catch that mf talking about his past experiences in a serious, non-joking way. Doesn’t matter how bad his PTSD could be, he will never get caught being serious. (Probably a massive cry for help, just doesn’t know how to ask for it.)
Probably started vaping thinking it would make people in school like him, which it didn’t, then ended up doing weed to feel ‘happy’ with how everything was.
Sally is his little sister. Not biologically, he just kind of claimed her as a sister and she agreed since Ben is the only male in the house she can trust (since they’re similar in age range, Sally being 12 and Ben being 14 in my au).
RAGING aquaphobia, panic attacks and all sorts being near a certain amount of water he could be drowned in, not that anyone would do that to him again. Ben and Jeff was hanging out in the forest together once and Ben accidentally fell into a lake and started fully sobbing, first time he was caught crying by another creepypasta.
He was definitely one of them people with braces since the age of like 12 for having fucked up teeth, absolutely hating them and getting called train tracks at school atleast once a day.
Because he prefers to have longer hair, he probably forgot to cut his hair loads of times until he started to notice it turning into a bob hairstyle and cut it.
Grunge style, definitely called emo shit ton of times when he was alive and in school.
Somehow always smells of Lynx Africa.. (that one deodorant literally EVERY mf teenage boy has.)
Thanks for reading!! I really enjoy making head canons for creepypastas and seeing people genuinely enjoy my posts makes me so happy omg 😭🫶!! <3 Honestly, I’m 99% sure most of this fandom is built off headcanons anyways BUT I’m so glad I’m not getting shitted on for having some interests 🫶🫶. Saying that, I know not much of this is canon in the slightest but I’m planning on writing a story for my AU where it’ll make more sense soon!! <3 Also, might make a pt.2 for my Sally Williams head canons!!!!!!!!!
<33333
#creepypasta#creepypasta blog#creepypasta fandom#creepypasta headcanon#creepypasta headcanons#xiiaomii#ben drowned#ben drowned headcanons#sally williams#jeff the killer
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AITA for name dropping some of my friends’ connections?
i (20X) have multiple friends that have connections to pretty famous internet celebrities, creators, etc. i wouldn’t call them household names, because a lot of them are pretty contained to solely online presences, but definitely names most twitter/tumblr users would recognize. i won’t go into too much detail for privacy reasons, but essentially, i’m two degrees of separation from a LOT of popular internet creators.
this isn’t something i talk about often, if really at all. i’ll mention these people to my irl friends all the time, because they’re also my friends, but never about their connections (unless it’s relevant at the time). i met almost all of them naturally, some without even knowing about their connections, either having common interests, or being in the same discord, fanproject, etc. i didn’t befriend them in an attempt to get closer to whatever celebrity they know is what i’m trying to say. at least two of them even made said connection after we’d become acquaintances.
college recently started again, and me and my roommates were invited to a party hosted by some of the girls that live on our floor to get to know everyone better. we ended up playing two truths, one lie to break the ice and get more comfortable with each other. me and my roommates all have a bit of a flair for the dramatic, and stories to back it up, so when it got to their turns (all of them went before me), they went all out. for example, one of them brought up how her moms met david bowie or something because they happened to be bowling in the same alley and ended up talking and getting drinks together. i forget who it actually was, but still. very out there, absurd stories that sound unbelievable/fake, but very much happened.
this is where i may be the asshole. when it got to my turn, i ended up name-dropping some of my connections. i said something along the lines of “i have fairly close connections to x, y, and z.” writing it like that doesn’t have the same impact, but you get my point. everyone in the room knew who they were is the important part. the room guessed what the lie was wrong, and promptly began to ask how i knew the people i’d named. i explained i had a few internet friends that had/have worked closely with them, and that i either knew certain things the general public doesn’t, or that i’ve had the privilege of contributing to projects/suggesting ideas because of it. it’s important to mention that i didn’t lead with having insider knowledge/positions, because i know i’d be the asshole if i had. they asked, i answered as much as i could, which wasn’t much more than i stayed here. i didn’t say any specific projects or ideas for what i think are fairly obvious reasons. they hadn’t reacted very much to any of my roommates’ insane bullshit, so i hadn’t expected such a response and thought my truth was fairly tame in comparison, honestly. (another example: one of them has nearly drowned 7 times, with 5 of those times all happening on a tuesday. they’ve told me all 7 of those stories and i think they’re super interesting, a lot more than me just having connections to people i don’t even personally know.)
anyways. the conversation moved on, the same continued, all seems good. that was a week ago, for reference. i find out a few of the people there are in my classes, which is great! i get to talking to most of them, and they’re all as friendly as they were when we met, except for one, who i’ll call holly (not her real name). holly acts cordial when she has to (group discussion, that sort of stuff) but whenever i try to talk or interact with her outside of that, she outright ignores me. she fully walked past me once despite us not only making eye contact, but me waving and calling her name. i didn’t get why she was acting like that all of a sudden, because she didn’t have any problems with me during the party. i didn’t think i’d done anything to wrong her, but just in case, i reached out to one of her roommates to ask if holly had told them anything about it, or if they remembered me doing something to make her react that way that i just forgot or didn’t realize i’d done.
one of them got back to me today that holly had apparently gone on a tirade about how disgusting i was, how i was clearly just “using” my friends because of their connections, that i only used them for clout and popularity, etc. which, as i said, is FULLY not true. what bothers me most is that she reached that conclusion with absolutely no evidence other than one conversation, one that me and all my roommates were clearly using to highlight the more silly/out-there aspects of our lives. most of the time i spent explaining things consisted of me gushing over how cool and hard-working my friends are for having those opportunities and how much i look up to them. i don’t know if she wasn’t paying attention or thought i was lying or what, but now i’m worried i may have actually come off that way. like that maybe i actually WAS just using them in that instance, whether i intended to or not, and that i came off as super assholeish and manipulative. so, AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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01 - the greatest show : the preacher in the pulpit
Summary : a group of misfits, a mysterious leader, a string of murders, and life on the road.
TW : transgender misconceptions & hardships in victorian era europe
Word Count : 5.6k
Series Masterlist
“in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost. amen.” priest davies recites, his right hand in the air, making a sign of the cross above the heads of the entire congregation. making this the two million, eighty three thousand, nine hundred and sixty seventh time she hears those words. or so it felt like.
it’s not that she didn’t like the idea of god, it’s that she didn’t like learning that the church seemed to be ran in a way that opposed to a lot of the practices they’ve been taught. but she could never admit to that. it’s much too radical thinking. the year is only 1849, mind you.
the problem she’s facing stems from a lifetime of church practices and church school and a super tiny church town. a lifetime of learning to submit, although really it didn’t feel as extreme as it sounds. she didn’t hate it, didn’t know anything else really.
she sees the life her parents lead, the life everyone in this town leads, and she likes it. loves it, honestly. wants it. but she holds such a big, life altering secret. one that unfortunately wont let her lead that life. surely not in this part of the world, anyway.
looking around the small church, she notices mister wright, misses wright hanging onto his arm, their three kids trailing behind them. then the griffiths walking down the aisle, misses griffith obviously about ready to give birth, if her swollen stomach and awkward little waddle are anything to go by. and then who could forget mister morris, approaching his 50s, sitting in the back corner, a spot he’s now claimed as his own, since misses morris passed away a few months ago. it made her sad to think about, they’d been together 35years when the ol’gal passed on.
she loved watching people, families, go about. it gave her an opportunity to disconnect from real life thoughts, and place herself into a beautifully conjured up imaginary story. one where she actually has the chance at love and happiness.
“timothy” her mum snips, pulling her from her thoughts, pulling her from her full happy fulfilling fantasy, shaking her head and looking over at her mum, as she goes on, “hurry up, we need to get to your uncle’s in time for lunch. your cousin oliver has some news to tell the family.”
and she’s not sure whether it’s hearing her name, the useless event that’s about to happen, or the fact that her mum makes such a big deal about everything, but her stomach has turned and fell and shattered.
as she rolls her eyes, sliding out of the pew, following her parents and little sister down the aisle, she murmurs, “we know oliver’s going to announce that he’s finally engaged to betsy.���
“oh stop it, you,” her mum snaps again, turning to look at her with sheer annoyance in her eyes. “why do you insist on being such a party pooper ? can’t you ever just happily go to an event ?”
“i don’t even understand why i need to go, and why this is even an event,” she sighs. “besides, it’s not like i’m ruining the party, we already know that’s what it’s going to be, right ? it’s useless,” she trails on, getting cut off now that they’ve reached the back of the church, father davies shaking hands with her parents.
the priest now turns his attention to her, a warm smile on his face, taking her hand in his, “was nice to see you timothy, i look forward to seeing you next weekend.”
and as she’s always been taught, she keeps a tight lipped smile, nodding her head in affirmation, before father davies shifts his attention to her sister, emma, following the same routine. a firm handshake, warm smile, a bid to a good week, and a promise to reunite next weekend. same time, same place. same, same, same. always the same.
which, as mentioned, wasn’t terrible. she loved the idea of meeting a nice man, settling down, finding love. obviously the idea of kids was wiped off the table the moment god decided she’d be born in a body with a penis.
but it was okay, she wasn’t angry with him. god, that is. figured that he did this for a reason.
she was angry, however, or maybe frightened was the right word, with the people of the congregation. she’d heard stories of what happened to people like her. and although, she’d hoped her parents loved her too much to even think of something so awful, she knew, downright, that it wasn’t the case.
and that’s what she’ll never understand. if god is perfect, and his creations are perfect, why was she such a terrible creature ? why was it impossible to fathom that maybe a girl was born with a penis ? and why was she doomed to a future of white walls, straight jacket, botched early versions of lobotomy, rape, abuse, starvation, prison, complete segregation, and quite possible death ? why was love a concept she could only ever dream of ?
all thoughts that plague her mind on a daily basis, especially while she’s hiding in her room, stood in the dimmest light she can function in, dress draped over her small frame. she only had the one, tucked away in the depths of her drawers, something she pilfered from the seamstress’ shop years ago now.
she felt bad in the moment, assuming that whoever’s order it was would be proper upset, hopefully not taking it out too roughly on the poor seamstress. misses white could hold her own though, as delicate as she was with her craft, she could tear you apart if you so much as looked at her wrong.
and how she longed for such a badass attitude. generally she got a huge burst of confidence on the off times she had the opportunity to put the beautiful pale yellow dress on. but it was quickly wiped away whenever she’d hear so much as a tiny creak, immediately brought back to reality, shrugging the garment off, and hiding it all over again.
but in this moment, she was following her parents, walking side by side with her sister, down the road to their uncle’s house. and when she looks down, seeing her polished black shoes laced up intricately, her black, firmly pressed slacks, crisp white shirt buttoned up to the top, and tucked in tightly, a little bit of her light seems to fade.
she almost forgets, when she’s going about her life. her true colours, her true spark, that’s become an intricate part of who she is, typically shines brightly. you’ll rarely find someone that doesn’t love her presence. men, women, young, old, she gets on with everyone. a feat that’s not always easy, especially in their little village.
and she supposes that’s the irony in this situation. if all these people knew her secret, they’d shun her completely without so much as a second thought. but nothing about her would be different. other than the name, and the cut/fit of the cotton hanging off her body.
but then, when she hears the word timothy, or she catches a glimpse of her clothing, and she’s begrudgingly reminded that she is in fact, a penis having human, and that means that she has to be a boy. and those are the moments you can almost literally see the spark leave her soul entirely.
she wonders if one day she’ll lose that shimmery glimmer of hope and love and light and joy. if the more she’s reminded that she must be timothy, the more difficult it will be for that spark to find her again. almost as if the spark is looking for her, and gets mistaken whenever it sees timothy, continuing on its journey to find her, flashing right past her stupid boy name and her stupid boy clothes.
“timmy ?” she hears softly, coming from right next to her.
“yeah, em ?” she hums, giving her head a shake, forcibly throwing those awful thoughts around her head, hoping to smash them up so badly with the force of it all, that they’re at bay for at least the rest of the day.
“you look sad. are you alright ?” emma asks quietly, still slightly too young to understand much of anything, but old enough to know that it’s crucial to keep her voice down, as to not garner the attention of their parents.
“m’alright honey bee,” she plasters on the biggest smile she can muster. which truthfully isn’t all that hard, in the presence of her little sister. if there was anyone she’d ever feel comfortable confiding in, it was emma. unfortunately, at the ripe age of 7 3/4, god forbid you forget the 3/4, emma’s still a bit too unpredictable in the secret keeping department.
“have i ever told you that i love when you call me honey bee,” emma smiles wide, eyes peering up.
“don’t think you have actually,” she hums in thought. “do you remember the day i gave you that nickname ?”
“sort of,” emma hums, the memory now very faded, as she was barely 3 years old when it happened. “you and i had gone for a walk. remember you slamming the front door and storming off. remember being scared when i heard the loud bang.”
“sorry about that,” she murmurs, nodding, as she remembers that morning like it was yesterday. remembers the loud screaming match she had with her mum, remembers storming off in a fit of furry, pacing the front of the house for a moment after having slammed the door. remembers adorable little emma, shyly peering through a crack in the door, asking quietly if timmy was alright. remembers the instant calming effect her little sister seemed to bring.
“remember going for a walk with you,” emma hums. “i could tell you were mad, i could feel it off you. but you were trying to hide it from me.”
“never told me that,” she murmurs, in thought. “you know, you saved me that day. you calmed me down so much, i just couldn’t stay mad with you around. you were so cute, running around, so innocent and happy, trying to make me laugh.”
“remember all of that,” emma smiles at the memory, always having been really close to timmy. the sibling bond, sibling love, was very strong between the two. “but i dont remember how we fell on honey bee.”
she smiles, laughing quietly, the memory crystal clear in her mind, “you had ran ahead, stopped by a large tree, remember you twirling around under it. anyways, i had caught up to you, when a bee flew out from the tree and kept bothering me. i was swatting away at it, when you yelled at me to stop. told me that clearly the honey bee had mistaken me for a pretty flower.”
“i said that ?” emma giggles, covering her mouth with her hand.
“you’ve always surprised me with the things you say,” she laughs. “i think you surprise everyone with your well advanced view on the world. anyways, i dont think i’d ever felt more special, more beautiful, than i did in that moment, on that day. been calling you honey bee ever since.”
she can see the smile light up emma’s face, a memory emma’s obviously happy to now tuck away into her brain, the story finally complete in her mind, just as they walk up the pathway to their uncle’s house.
they all spot aunty jane, standing out front, hand extended in the air, waving at everyone. here we go, she thinks to herself.
finally, finally, back home, she mutters to herself as she shuts herself into her bedroom. sitting on the edge of her bed, elbows rested on her knees, head dipped down into her hands, taking lung fulls of shaky breaths.
“can’t do this, can’t do this, can’t do this anymore,” she mumbles quietly to herself, silent tears dripping down from her water filled eyes.
her brain feels like it’s imploding, her heart feels like it’s much too heavy for her chest, her stomach is turning, and she’s so god damn sick of it all. if she hears the name timothy one more time, she’s sure she’ll be gouging her eyeballs out, shoving knives in her eardrums, and swallowing arsenic for good measure.
she hadn’t noticed that her body was wracking through tremors, as she was trying, fuck swears she’s trying, to take proper breaths. but all of a sudden, her chest is too heavy, her lungs feel swollen, her throat is too tight, and the air just can’t get to where she needs it.
she blinks through some tears, the feeling of a panic attack nothing foreign to her. actually, it’s become a fairly usual occurrence following family gatherings. she can usually do her best to ignore the obvious fact that she’s imprisoned in a “boy” body on normal days. but put her in the presence of others and she struggles more and more each time.
and the unfortunate reality, the only way to make it all better, is to pull out that beautiful yellow dress and slip it on, cover her awful body with a garment that mirrors what she’s been picturing in her mind for almost a decade and a half.
today, however, it’s still early, everyone’s still awake going about their business, a much too dangerous situation, she thinks to herself. which honestly, only makes the panic worsen.
but, she can’t calm down, she can’t think straight, she can’t fucking breathe, and rational has flown straight out the window. she needs her dress, needs it. fuck it all, she needs a good strong inhale before her brain goes into the fuzzy abyss of no return.
in a flurry of pure panic meeting the influx of adrenaline, she quickly stands straight, her head spinning uncontrollably from the lack of oxygen. her hands fall on her dresser, holding herself up, all of her strength and power coming from the rush of knowing that the dress will make it all better. her light at the end of a dark, panic ridden tunnel.
rummaging haphazardly through her drawer, clothes being thrown about in her room, because she needs, needs, needs that fucking dress. needs it now. nothing else matters, every ounce of her being is redirected and focused on dress, dress, dress.
her brain barely registers the yellow fabric through her gaze, only clicking once her hand wraps itself in soft cotton, a strike contrast to the rougher material of her usual, very well used, pants and button ups.
and almost as if she’d been given pure cocaine, injected straight into her brain, for the strongest, most instant high, her body starts to calm. the mere presence of her dress enough to bring her back, feet solidly planted on the ground, breaths coming easier.
but it’s not enough, she needs to feel it, needs to see it, needs, needs, needs anything that isn’t such a grandiose expression of boy. so with the dress now laid out gently on her bed, she grips into her shirt, ripping the buttons right at the seams, as she tears it off her body, the garment joining all of her other clothes strewn across the room, with her slacks quick to follow.
and once she shimmies her way into her dress, her lungs finally, fucking finally, pull in the large breath of oxygen they’d been searching for. her brain starts to relax, the fuzzy blindness of panic and terror and pain starting to lift, as she looks down at herself, her body now mirroring what she’s always pictured, what she’s always wanted.
taking some calming breaths, letting the much needed air reach her brain, her body relaxes. she can feel her fingertips again. can feel her toes as she wiggles them. can feel the goosebumps on her skin as a chilly breeze flows through her open window, her arms hugging around herself in pure search of comfort.
she can feel the silent tears wetting her cheeks, as she keeps crying quietly, the feeling of elation so overwhelming. going from pure, intense, rage ridden panic, to pure, intense, serene calm, throwing her brain, her body, for a complete loop of emotion. she felt almost lightheaded at the whirlwind of a switch that was just flicked in her mind.
and she isn’t too sure when it happened, or how it happened, the last 15 minutes having been too much, too much, too fucking much, but she finds herself laying in bed, eyes closing as her body screams at her to regulate, to shut off, to rest.
so without a second thought, without her usual level headed moment of judgment, without her ability to assess that no, she should not be taking a nap in the middle of the afternoon, wearing a dress, when anyone could walk in, she ends up asleep. the panic attack having been the worst she’s ever experienced, every ounce of her being shutting down now that the adrenaline had crashed and her body felt peace in the envelopment of a beautiful yellow cotton dress.
at first she isn’t too sure what it was that woke her up. maybe she’d been asleep longer than she ever anticipated when she closed her eyes. maybe it was the newfound nip to the chill in the air that came with the darkness of early evening. maybe it was the lingering smell of whatever her mum was cooking up for dinner.
but the moment she hears the loud gasp, followed by a booming shout of her father’s gruelling voice, she seems to remember the faint cry of her name. her god forsaken, stomach turning name. the faint cry coming from her sister’s sweet little melodic tone, obviously coming from far away in the kitchen, announcing that supper was about to be served. and naturally, when she couldn’t answer, thanks to her sleep ridden body, her father came trudging up the stairs looking for her.
“what in god’s sacred name is on your body, young man ?” she hears bellowing through her room, through the entire house really, and what a crude, awful way to wake up this is. she barely has the time to blink her eyes open, let alone give her brain a moment to steady itself and register its surroundings, before the booming stomps of her father’s feet can be heard echoing through the room, and probably shaking the floorboards enough for some dust to trickle down below them onto the lower floor of the house.
she feels her father’s hand wrap itself in the garment, at chest level, giving a harsh enough tug to pull the upper half of her body clean off the bed below her. “i asked you a question, timothy,” he shouts right in her face, “where the fuck did you get this and why is it on you ?”
fear. pure, stricken, fear. she feels her heart stop, she feels the her stomach fall to a pit so low she didn’t know it could even go that far. she feels a prickling warmth spread through her entire body. her lungs seem to stop working, as she stares into her father’s disgust filled eyes, waiting for an explanation, none of which would be anywhere near good enough for him.
“i- i-“ she stutters around the shakiness of her breath, chest twitching, trying to gasp through any bit of air, soft voice working its way through, “it’s not what it looks like.”
in a fit of pure rage, her father pushes at her chest with force, such pure disgust evident in his eyes, as he lets go of the garment, letting her fall back against the bed.
by now, with the booming commotion, her mum and sister were standing in the doorway, curious eyes peering past the man of the house, to see what it is that’s got him so riled up.
she can see the shock in her mum’s eyes, hand covering what she can only assume to be her wide open mouth, jaw slackened with surprise. she can see the worry and confusion in her little sister’s regard, not totally grasping the scene in front of her, but old enough to understand that whatever was unfolding was nothing good. she can’t even look at her dad, the disgust she saw earlier, too much for her to look at again. it was already burned on her brain anyway.
she’d never been made to feel so ashamed in her life. she’d never felt so alone, so disgusting, so dirty, so small, so fucking revolting. she was trembling harder than she ever has, her gaze stuck on her hands resting softly in her lap. her ears were ringing so loud she could barely hear the conversation now happening between her parents.
fear. so much fear. what would happen now, who were they going to tell, where would she go, what would they make her do, how was this going to end ?
her ears catch bits of sentences, “did you know ?”, “is that dress yours ?”, “send him to the asylum,” “give him a chance, maybe father davies- ,” “he’s a fucking worthless whore cross dresser !”, “we can’t just- ,” “get this sorry excuse for a son out of my face,” “daddy, dont- ,” “i never want to see that disgusting face again.”
it all went by in a blur, and the next thing she knows, her door is slammed shut, all wandering eyes closed off by the dark wood separating her from the world.
still trembling, still shaken by the events, still gasping for breath, and for the first time, she can’t get the dress off fast enough. she tugs and rips and shimmies at a blinding pace, angry at the garment, angry at herself, for causing such a mess.
having lost any ounce of appetite, she spends the evening in her room, tucked in the smallest ball her body can wrap itself in, hiding away in a corner of her room, sheltering herself from the entirety of the world, while simultaneously attempting to comfort herself in any way she can.
she’s disgusting, she’s dirty, she’s a fucking abomination. what was she thinking ? what was she doing ? how could she humiliate herself like that ? she really felt like the lowest form of human there was. she’d never felt such deep shame in her life.
she wasn’t sure how long she’d been squeezing herself into such a tight ball, angry thoughts swirling through her mind, until a soft, barely there knock can be heard from the other side of her door. at first, she wasn’t sure it had really happened, until she hears it again, more urgently this time.
her limbs hurt, joints creaking, as she untangles herself for the first time in god knows how many hours, padding quietly to the door, opening it just a crack, peering out into the hallway to find emma looking up with her big, innocent gaze.
opening the door more than just a crack, she beckons her sister into the bedroom, closing the door with a soft thud.
“are you okay ?” emma asks quietly, going to sit on the edge of the bed.
“you shouldn’t have seen that,” she hums quietly. “surprised mum and dad even let you come talk to me.”
“they’re asleep, it’s late now,” emma murmurs, shrugging. “they’re making you go to confess your sins to father davies tomorrow,” she explains, “overheard them talking after dinner.”
“of course they are,” she rolls her eyes, a silent tear running down her cheek. “this isn’t good emma. i’m in a lot of trouble.”
“just do what they say,” emma whispers, her own eyes filling with unshed tears. “they’re mad, but- but it’ll get better right ? can make this better ? i can’t lose my brother,” emma whimpers, afraid of the future, concerned for her favouritest family member.
“i’ll try,” she murmurs wetly, tears running freely down her cheeks, as she wraps her arms around her sister. she has to do what’s right. can’t leave her sister. can’t be a girl. she cannot be a fucking girl. she needs to be the big brother emma’s always loved and needed and came to for everything. she just needs to be.
or so she tells herself all night long, when the thoughts are too loud for her to get a wink of sleep, watching emma curled up next to her in comfort, holding onto her brother’s shirt for dear life, the only way she could reach a proper state of rest after the events of the day.
without having slept a wink all night long, her brain muttering through different thoughts, different scenarios, different possibilities, different outcomes, and enjoying the slight moments of peace when her gaze catches her innocent, sleeping sister, she starts to notice streams of light working their way through the small window. the sun slowly rising on a brand new day, full of hopes and dreams. or so she wishes. at this point, she isn’t too sure that hopes and dreams are still a part of life that she’s privy to.
she gently pats emma awake, watching her stretch out her limbs to waken them for the new day ahead. they both pad downstairs, noticing that it’s fairly quiet in the house. too quiet really. usually by this time their mum is muttering about the kitchen, getting their breakfasts ready. their father is typically shining his shoes, making sure his hat and tie are on straight, awaiting his breakfast before shuffling out the door and off to work.
but today, they couldn’t make out a single sound, the eerieness to it all not going unnoticed, creating a heavy swirling in the bottom of her stomach. did they abandon their children ? was she their reason for leaving ? was all of this entirely her fault ? now she was left to raise emma as her own, the two of them against this cruel world ? no, no, she figures it can’t quite be that bad. she needs to stop psyching herself out. they surely wouldn’t have left without emma.
now in the kitchen, emma notices the small piece of paper on the table, reading aloud, “father davies is waiting for you, timothy. after the confession of your sins, we expect to see our son back.”
she notices emma blinking up at her, all of the questions bouncing around her head seen clearly through the confusion in her gaze, “how would you not be their son ?”
“because i was wearing that dress,” she murmurs quietly, a short sentence full of shame, hatred, humiliation.
“but a dress doesn’t make you a girl,” emma pipes up, completely oblivious to the situation at hand. and how could anything but confusion and oblivion be etched on emma’s face when the concept of transgender has not even come close to being introduced to her. why should it ? people like this don’t exist. not out in public anyway.
“no, but my brain does,” she sighs quietly, shaking her head and snapping back into reality. “look, honey bee, i clearly have to go to the church. dont want to upset mum and dad any more than they already are. you wait at home, yeah ?”
“but -“
“no emma,” she shakes her head, “can’t come with me this time. need to do this one myself. mum and dad, or me, will be back soon, yeah ? here, have some bread and jam,” she hums, taking a plate and bringing it to the table. “next thing you know, someone’ll be home. you can work on your crochet in the meantime.”
“are you going to be okay timmy ?” emma asks quietly, almost shyly, ever worried for her brother.
she smiles sadly, not wanting to ever cause harm or worry to her little sister, giving her a kiss on the head, “i’ll be fine. eat, do something fun, and i’ll be home in no time.”
and with that, she sets off, the door closing gently behind her, as she walks down the familiar path leading to the town centre, and more specifically, the tallest building right in the middle of it all, the church.
she walks in quietly, the pit in her stomach having only grown larger and deeper and pittier. is that even a thing ? she’s not sure, but what she is sure of is that upon noticing father davies, her chest tightens, her lungs struggle to breathe, her head is absolutely swimming with worry, and is it possible to poop out your stomach ? because she thinks she just has.
“ah, timothy !” father davies smiles, turning around when he hears the shuffle of the large wooden door creaking closed. “good morning, son.”
and she swears, swears, that up until this point, father davies has never called her, son. surely out of spite, after having whatever conversation was had with her parents, and the entire ordeal makes her want to coward back and run out of the building altogether. but by sheer will, and maybe a little speckle of hope, she walks her way down the aisle, stopping at the last pew, sitting herself next to the priest.
“your parents tell me that you have some sins to confess,” he hums, looking her over, a gentle smile on his face, no foreseeable judgment in his gaze. yet.
as she sighs, her shoulders slumping a bit, she figures this is it. maybe telling her secret to father davies, to god, whom is surely listening right ?, maybe she’ll find a sparkle of hope. either way, confession has always been confidential. or so she’s always been affirmed. this is a conversation to be had with god. father davies is just like the interpreter. the messenger if you will.
“i was wearing a dress yesterday,” she mumbles quietly, still unsure of how much she can put her trust in the priest, but with having no one else to turn to, she has to put her faith in someone. and who better than a man of the church to turn to for faith.
“so i’ve been told,” he nods. “and what made you do that then ?”
“i like it,” she murmurs, shrugging her shoulders. “i dont see why it’s a big deal. i like wearing dresses. i- i-“ she sighs, the next part not something she ever anticipated telling to anyone. especially not this soon anyway. “i think i’m a girl.”
and at that, she notices the furrow in father davies’ eyebrows, notices the little hamster wheel turning very hard in his head, as he tries to make heads or tails of this situation.
truth is, he was not expecting that. maybe a confession of stealing, of being curious, because sure, who wasn’t at some point in their lives. but to be blatantly told that this boy thinks he’s a girl. well, it’s a little bit whacky, and a lot bit absurd.
as father davies sits, processing, not speaking a word, she sighs again, although this time with a slight edge as she’s maybe noticing that the faith and trust was misguided. “i dont understand why that’s so bad. if god made me this way, there’s a reason right ? father davies, if god isn’t capable of errors, why do i feel like such a mistake ?”
“you’re not a mistake, timothy. you’re maybe a little lost, maybe a little mistaken, maybe a little confused. but you are not a mistake, as you said yourself, god doesn’t make mistakes. maybe you just need some help in finding yourself, finding the man you were meant to be all along.”
the man. the man she was meant to be. her stomach plummets more, her heart beats more erratically, her fingers become more jittery, her head swims more and more. was she just mistaken ? no, no, she can’t be mistaken, she’s a girl. she knows. fucking knows that she’s a girl.
and as gut wrenching, as frightening, as confusing, as complex as this moment is, there is a click in her brain. a moment where the metaphorical fog has lifted. she is a girl, and she will do whatever it takes to have the freedom and happiness and love that she knows she deserves.
“i’m sorry father, but i must disagree. my parents have sent me to speak with you to confess to my sins. and other than stealing that dress, years ago, i dont feel as though i have any sins to confess to. i am a girl. and if no one can agree with that, well then, i guess we’re done here.”
with a solid kick of confidence brought on by her new inner realization, she stands from the pew, nodding her goodbye to father davies, and walking down the aisle towards the back of the church, seeing herself out of the building.
on the walk home, her mind swirls with the future unknown. she questions what will come out of her short conversation with father davies. will he keep her secret, or will he have, what she can only assume to be, a very disgruntled conversation with her parents ? will he tell others ? what will her parents do ? what will the others do ? what about poor little emma ?
the one thing she does know is that she’s absolutely done. so fucking done. if even the priest, messenger of god, cant hear her out, she has no reason to hold onto hope. especially not here. with her newfound courage, she finds herself skipping towards her house, a huge contrast in her demeanour since she first walked this path, just a mere hour ago. because really, whatever happens, she will be the girl she’s always known she is. she will. she has to. for her sanity, she fucking has to.
Part 2
……
Series Masterlist
Main Masterlist
A/N : dont worry your adorable little selves, we need a little background on our main character before we can meet our golden boy. harry’s on the way real real soon ! ✌️
tags : @daphnesutton @niallthebadboi @gorlsinmultifandoms @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite
#harry styles#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfic#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles blurb#harry styles one shot#harry styles imagine#harry styles series#harry styles masterlist#harry styles writings#lgbtqia#harry styles x oc#harry styles x reader#trans#one direction#writings#justmeinatree
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annual writing self-evaluation 📝
Many thanks and muchas smooches to @justhere4thevibez for tagging me! 🥰
1. List of works published this year (in no particular order):
chapters 56-84 of With a Little Help From My Friends (completed 5/15/23)
Next Time I Fall (24 chapters, completed 12/19/23)
Lost and Found and Turned Around (7 chapters, completed 11/16/23)
2. Work you are most proud of (and why):
I’m incredibly proud of all my works, but I think probably I’m most proud of Next Time I Fall. I created a brand new rarepair, shaped a beautiful fluffy love story for them, and persevered through extreme personal difficulty to finish the fic despite the temptation to abandon it.
3. Work you are least proud of (and why):
There are a couple of chapters in Little Help that I feel aren’t as strong as they could’ve been. 64, 73, and 81 in particular. I don’t know what I should’ve done to make them better; I just know they needed more.
4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:
I’ll pick one little snippet from each fic…
Little Help:
Wayne waited until she’d finished her tiny blueberry slice and was debating over which to try next. “Actually, sugar,” he said quietly to Max, “I wanted to talk to you about that.”
“About what?” she asked, puzzled. “About gaining weight? That was a joke.”
“No.” He watched Eddie let Lucy lick a tiny smear of pie filling from his finger, despite Chrissy’s protest that sugar wasn’t good for cats. “About staying with us.”
A chill ran through her. “It’s still okay, right?” she said hesitantly. “My mom’s getting out of the rehab next week, but Claudia said I could stay longer if I needed to. But if that’s changed…” She trailed off, swallowing hard.
Wayne patted her shoulder. “Naw, sugar, that ain’t changed. You can stay long as you like. Fact is”— he rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly bashful— “fact is, what we really want is to keep you for good.”
~~~
Next Time I Fall:
Gareth couldn’t imagine having to grow up without his mom and dad. He thought of the way Janie held so tightly to his mom every time they hugged, and a lump formed in his throat.
“They never found your parents?” he whispered. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”
Honestly, he hadn’t even thought before speaking, he’d just blurted that out. But somehow it had been the right thing to say; Eddie and Chrissy’s tense expressions melted into something that looked like relief, and Janie’s crushing grip on his hand finally relaxed a little. Gareth laced his fingers through hers, giving her hand a little squeeze, before gently turning it to examine the small number tattooed on the inside of her wrist.
“Is that where this came from?” He lifted her hand to his lips, softly kissing the tiny 011. “Did they do that to you in the Lab?”
She nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks. “It was my name,” she murmured. “That is why everyone calls me El. El is short for Eleven.”
Fucking hell. Gareth felt tears running down his cheeks, too.
~~~
Lost and Found:
“Jane, you need to wake up!” Kali tried unsuccessfully not to shout. “You really are naive! They can always take you if they really want you. You need to face facts. Your policeman cannot protect you, you have to be able to protect yourself. Are your friends helping you with that? Is your boyfriend? No, they just want you to be ‘normal’. They want you to suppress your gifts instead of using them, and they want you to forget who you are and where you came from. And if I stay here they’ll do the same to me. Putting on their hypocritical smiles as long as I convert to their idea of normal. I don’t want to hide who I am, and neither should you, Jane. You can’t heal by hiding. The only way to heal is to face up to the truth, confront and conquer your past.”
“Stop calling me naive,” Jane snapped, “just because I am trying to accept my past instead of confronting it. I confronted Papa face to face, and then I let him die, and it did not change anything. All your revenge has not changed you either.” Just as quickly as her anger flared up, it dissipated again. Her voice softened, her entire demeanor settling into something more gentle. “You talk a lot about healing, but you are still so mad, Kali. I think I am more healed than you are. Maybe if you stayed here, as part of my family, maybe that can heal you like it did for me.”
5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:
I love every single comment I get, truly I do. But I think the ones that made me smile the most this year were the few on Next Time I Fall that basically said ‘I never would’ve considered El and Gareth together but your fic made me ship them’. Is there any greater compliment? 😄
6. A time when writing was really, really hard:
Basically the last eight weeks have been awful. I got covid, and had barely recovered from that when a family emergency happened and I was thrown into the role of caregiver, and since then just more and more stuff keeps going wrong. I’m exhausted and honestly in a pretty dark place, mentally and emotionally, right now.
And yet. In spite of that I finished both Next Time and Lost and Found. Neither of them seem to have made any great impact— I barely even got any comments on either finale— but it was a goal of mine to finish them both and I’m still proud I managed to achieve that.
7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:
Kali, in Lost and Found, was so much fun to explore! I rewatched “The Lost Sister” before I started writing this fic, and I realized that I still hated her obnoxious friends but Kali herself was a super interesting character with a lot of potential. I had a lot of fun digging into what might possibly make her want to reconnect with El, and what would make her feel drawn to Steve. Also it surprised me how much I ship Stali now!
8. How did you grow as a writer this year:
I learned that my stories come out better when I write them the way I want them, instead of “taking requests” and pushing the characters in directions I wouldn’t have chosen if left to my own devices. I feel like certain parts of Little Help suffered because of this, so I resolved I’d stick to my own plans for Next Time and later Lost and Found, and I think those two fics came out better for it.
9. How do you hope to grow next year:
Next year, if I write any more, I want to somehow learn not to be so obsessed with stats. Stop comparing my kudos/comments count to other fics and feeling sad and inadequate. I have no idea how to accomplish this, but it’s where I need to be if I’m going to keep writing.
10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):
Oh it’s 1000% @pearlypairings — she’s been all of the above for me and so much more! Lost and Found would never have happened without her, and Next Time would likely have been abandoned unfinished.
11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:
Lots of things, yeah, I don’t think I can help adding little bits and pieces of myself to my stories. I write the kind of world I’d like to see, and populate it with characters I either want to be like or wish I’d had in my own life.
A very silly specific example, though, is that I made Eddie adopt a kitten because I lost my cat last year and I missed her so much.
12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:
Um. Not really? I don’t think I’m good enough yet to be passing on wisdom to others!!!
13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:
I have a couple fun ideas jotted down in my Plot Bunnies folder, but no definite plans to start anything new right now. I gotta get out of this awful headspace before I can even think about new projects.
14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:
@sokkas-first-fangirl @bratanimus @slowandsteddie
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Kicho's Main Story Chapter 4 Part 2
These translations are not intended as a replacement for the game. Please support CYBIRD by buying their stories. JP SPOILERS under the cut.
My heart thumped as memories that hadn’t faded yet came flooding back to me.
The emotion was so simple, but it certainly moved me.
Mai: “I was happy because it was something I made.”
Mai: “When I realized I could make someone happy, I felt like I had some meaning.”
(I see. So that’s what it was.)
Mai: “I’ve always wanted to be someone.”
(To feel like I could be there.)
Kicho: “To be someone?”
Mai: “Yes. So no matter where I am, I always end up struggling.”
I spoke these words in self-mockery, but for some reason, Kicho nodded and accepted my words.
Kicho: “People are all like that. But that doesn’t make them evil.”
Kicho: “As long as you live in this world, the opinions and beliefs of others will make who you are.”
Kicho: “That’s why everyone has unanswered questions.”
Mai: “Everyone?”
Kicho: “Still, don’t forget. Wherever you are, whatever you do, you are you.”
Kicho: “As long as you have your will to live, this truth will never change.”
Kicho: “You are not just someone. You’re Mai.”
Kicho: “Wherever you are, whatever you do, just live as you.”
Mai: “............”
“Mai”
The name he said was already familiar to me, but it almost made my feelings a jumbled mess.
Undeniably, it was a sign of my existence that I have continued to live up to this day.
(I wonder if I have to go back from the start.)
(As long as I want to live, am I allowed to stay here as I am?)
Shaking with confusion, I stared at his hazel-green eyes looking at me.
He didn't turn away. His eyes only sparkled gently.
Mai: "You're right. I'm me."
Kicho: "Yeah. Even if you run through different times."
Kicho: "You said your dreams got cut off, yet here you are. You didn't give up."
Mai: "Yes, there is no way I would give up."
Mai: "As I said before, I think I'm the type of person who always struggles."
Kicho: "I see."
(Oh, he smiled.)
All my attention was drawn to his eyes, perhaps because I always see him expressionless.
His smile, different from the one I had seen before, was even more gentle, making my heart skip a beat.
(Maybe it's because I saw something unusual or because he smiled at me, and that's why I'm happy?)
Kicho: "Why are you suddenly smiling?"
Mai: "Huh? I'm smiling too?"
Mai: "Sorry. I'm just happy you smiled."
Kicho: "............."
Kicho: "I'm alive, so I also smile. That one was involuntary."
(It's a little disappointing that he's back to his usual self, but一)
Mai: "Thank you. I feel better now."
Kicho: "It was no big deal."
Mai: "It was. At least, for me."
(I never thought he would say that to me, but I'm happy.)
My chest tightened painfully as if scolding me for receiving his words honestly.
(The more I get to know this guy, the more indecisive I become.)
------------Flashback------------
Mai: "Um, can I still stay here?"
Kicho: "Well, you have nowhere else to go."
Mai: "Yes."
Kicho: "Then you can stay. But believing that you're from the future is different from trusting you."
Kicho: "I only have one condition."
Kicho: "Is something bothering you?"
Mai: "Huh?"
Kicho: "No, of course, there is. The norm here is different from the one you're used to."
Kicho: "For example, you could talk to me like this, but you couldn't read the letters of this period."
Kicho: "Compared to what it was in the future, it's totally different."
Mai: "Yeah. I can't read it."
Kicho: "If you want, I can teach you."
Kicho: “Mai!”
Mai: “Kicho!?”
Kicho: "Don't give up. Keep going and put your strength into it."
---------Flashback Ends---------
I thought if I got to know him, I could put the missing pieces together.
But now, this thought was slowly taking shape and confusing me.
I was afraid to find out what I wanted to know more about.
(What should I do now?)
(Even if I’m his secretary, nothing has changed in our relationship.)
(He’s still my enemy, and I’m a spy.)
(There’s no way I could ever betray someone.)
(But betray who?)
Kicho: “Mai.”
Mai: “Y-Yes?”
Kicho: “You must be tired. Get some rest tonight.”
Kicho: “The rain should stop in the morning, so hopefully, we’ll be able to leave soon.”
Mai: "Okay. Then good night."
I bid him goodnight, trying not to show my confusion, and then crawled under the futon placed at the end of the room and turned my back as I closed my eyes.
(He believed me when I told him I came from the future, and he saved me several times, but I've been betraying him ever since we've been in this relationship.)
I gripped my sleeve with my fingertips, feeling the pain of the pressure, but then一
Kicho's voice: "Mai."
Mai: “----!”
When I heard his gentle voice calling me, I had no choice but to turn around.
Mai: "Um, what is it?"
Kicho: "I know it’s difficult for you not to be cautious of me, but don’t worry, I won’t lay a hand on you just because we’re sharing a room."
(I guess I gave him the wrong impression.)
Mai: "No, I wasn't being cautious. I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable."
Mai: "Although it's true that I've been thinking about you."
Kicho: "Ha?"
He raised an eyebrow and sighed.
Kicho: "What are you suddenly saying?"
Mai: "Um, I don't mean it in a weird way!"
Kicho: "I know, but that comment is uncalled for."
Kicho: "Never say that to anybody other than me."
Kicho: "Others might take it the wrong way."
Mai: “Okay. Hm?”
Kicho: “What’s wrong?”
Mai: “N-Nothing.”
Kicho: “You’re all over the place.”
Mai: “Hahaha… I guess.”
(The way he just said it means it’s okay to say it in front of him.)
(Nope, I’m sure he’s just being reasonable. I get what he’s trying to say.)
I laid down on the futon again, my head spinning as I tried to come up with a crazy explanation.
(Let’s not think about it, or I might not make it tonight.)
Mai: “I’ll sleep now. Good night.”
Kicho: “Yeah. Good night.”
Feeling the gentleness of Kicho’s voice echoing in the darkness, I slowly closed my eyes.
Before I knew it, my dark thoughts quickly faded into the corner of my consciousness, replaced by sleepiness.
Hideyoshi: “Here’s the information we’ve received from around the region. For more details, please refer to this report.”
Nobunaga: “Oh? Was he responsible for the recent incident as well?”
Hideyoshi: “Probably. However, we haven’t received any news from Mitsuhide.”
Hideyoshi: “Just what on earth is that guy doing in Sakai?”
Vassal’s voice: “Lord Nobunaga, Lord Hideyoshi, excuse me!”
Vassal’s voice: “Just now, someone received a letter from Lord Mitsuhide.”
Hideyoshi: “-----!”
Nobunaga: “I see. Bring him in.”
Vassal’s voice: “Yes, sir.”
After a short reply, the door opened, following the sound of light footsteps.
Mitsuhide’s vassal: “Excuse me. Here you go, Lord Nobunaga.”
Nobunaga: “Yeah.”
Nobunaga received the letter, unfolded it, and read it.
Nobunaga: “I see. Mai, huh?”
Hideyoshi: “Is something wrong with her!?”
Nobunaga: “She successfully infiltrated as a spy, but after that, Mitsuhide lost contact with her.”
Hideyoshi: “Mai.”
Hideyoshi: “Lord Nobunaga, Kicho is a very careful and clever man.”
Hideyoshi: “I think leaving it to an inexperienced person alone was too risky.”
Hideyoshi: “Maybe we should send a few of our best men over there.”
Nobunaga: “No.”
Hideyoshi: “But...”
Nobunaga: “..............”
Hideyoshi: “No, my apologies. It is as you are trying to say.”
Hideyoshi: “You sent Mai there not only because Kicho raised his hand against you.”
Hideyoshi: “Also, if she needs help, I’m sure Mitsuhide will contact us as soon as possible.”
Hideyoshi: “So what’s the situation一”
Instead of replying, Nobunaga held out a letter to Hideyoshi.
Hideyoshi immediately took it and looked down at the written report.
Hideyoshi: “I see. Mai is...”
Nobunaga: “To sneak into the inner circle of a man who is so hostile to other people一she really is an intriguing woman.”
Nobunaga: “However, we don’t have enough time to wait for her report.”
Hideyoshi: “Yes. The reports we have are consistent with what’s coming in from all over the region.”
Hideyoshi: “Lord Nobunaga, what should we do?”
Nobunaga: “Tell everyone as soon as possible. Our next plan is一”
At the same time, at Kasugayama Castle.
Kenshin: “I’m bored.”
Kenshin dropped the report in his hand onto the tatami mats as he said this.
Kenshin: “It makes no sense to wage war now on Nobunaga.”
Shingen: “Are these guys currently separated by the rebellions happening all over the country?”
Kenshin: “Yeah, there’s just a lot of unnecessary interruptions.”
Kenshin: “I’d rather fight someone who can go all out.”
Shingen: “There was another skirmish on the outskirts of Echigo the other day.”
Shingen: “According to Yuki, they have several weapons that don’t match their fighting strength. He also said that most of them are imported abroad.”
Shingen: “It looks like they’re not only targeting the Oda army.”
Yoshimoto: “Kicho is really troublesome, huh?”
Kanetsugu: “Yeah, he used to be in the Oda army.”
Kanetsugu: “Lord Shingen. I think Kicho probably sent those weapons to them.”
Shingen: “Yeah.”
Shingen: "If his goal is not to defy Nobunaga, then what the hell is it?"
Shingen: "All of Japan right now is in chaos. If this continues, everything will eventually get caught in a sea of fire."
Yoshimoto: "That's bad news."
Kanetsugu: "............."
???: "Excuse me, Lord Kenshin."
Kenshin: "It's you. Come in."
Sasuke: "Sorry to keep you waiting."
Sasuke: "I've compiled additional reports from the nokizaru regarding the rebellions.”
Sasuke: "Also..."
Yukimura: "Lord Shingen, I'm back."
Shingen: "Yuki, that was fast."
Yukimura: "Yes. It was quickly settled. Also, I heard some weird rumors, so I thought I'd get to it right away."
Sasuke: "By the way, I think that weird rumor has some credibility."
Sasuke: "I met and talked with someone at the castle gate earlier, and what he said matched what I collected from the nokizaru."
Kenshin: "Tell me about it."
Sasuke: "Yes."
Sasuke and Yukimura looked at each other and then briefly announced the news, causing everyone's faces to turn grim.
Kenshin: "If that rumor is true, I won't tolerate it."
Kenshin: "I'll die of boredom if I don't destroy him quickly."
Shingen: "Besides, I don't think the people will be able to live peacefully in this state."
Yoshimoto: "If there's a possibility that more beautiful things will get destroyed, I wouldn't just sit back."
Kanetsugu: "Lord Kenshin, please give the order. I'll surely take that man's head."
Yukimura: "Hey, wait. He already knows what you look like and who you are."
Yukimura: "Are you going to rush into the trading post and kill him?"
Kanetsugu: "If that's what Lord Kenshin wants."
Kenshin: "Wait, Kanetsugu. Sasuke, go to Sakai and find out what he's up to."
Sasuke: "Me!?"
Sasuke: "Maybe you want me to solve that mystery, too."
Yukimura: "What are you mumbling about? You mean that spy from the Oda army?"
Yoshimoto: "I don't understand一wait, what?"
Yukimura: "It's probably just a rumor, but I heard that a woman came to Kicho's place as a spy."
Sasuke: "-----!"
Shingen: "That's one hell of a brave girl. I'd love to meet her someday."
Kenshin: "Stupid woman. She's gonna die there."
Sasuke: "Don't tell me that woman is..."
Sasuke: "I understand. I'll go to Sakai."
At the same time, deep in the mountains.
Kennyo: "You said you wanted to talk to me, so I came over only to find you wanting to help me?"
Motonari: "Yeah. You're trying to take revenge on Nobunaga, right? Japan is now getting f*cked, so this is a perfect time."
Kennyo: "I see. Then you are the ones who instigated this."
Motonari: “Ha?”
Kennyo: “For the past few days, something has been blowing in the air and trees.”
Kennyo: “It’s the smell of burning grass, trees, houses, people, and many other things.”
Motonari: “So what? Didn’t you also burn the Honnoji temple?”
Motonari: “This is one of the ways to achieve our goal.”
Motonari: “Besides, we only provided the opportunity. The choice was theirs.”
Kennyo: “............”
Motonari: “People are all the same. When they have a bit of money in their hands, they easily turn on others.”
Motonari: “How can a vengeful demon who deviated from his path and plotted to kill people be so nice now?”
Kennyo: “I don’t mean to be nice.”
Motonari: “Really? Well, think about it anyway. It’s not like it’s gonna hurt you.”
Motonari waved his hand and walked away with his men in tow.
Kennyo: “That’s right. I’ve strayed from my path.”
Kennyo: “I don’t care if I fall into hell.”
Kennyo: “I’m willing to become a demon to take revenge on Nobunaga.”
Kennyo: “I’m determined to get him to hell first, even if it means taking my students with me.”
Kennyo: “But..."
The night wind blew, shaking the metal rings of his staff.
The smell of the wind and the sound of his staff made Kennyo’s face contorted.
Kennyo: “Will I follow the demon or not?”
Kennyo: “There are too many to take to hell.”
Previous╏Masterlist╏Next (Gacha)
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i like to joke sometimes as a nonbinary girl scout camp counselor that my gender is girl scout camp, but it’s honestly not far from the truth
because i think that growing up at camp influenced how i see gender
i think of my very first counselor, leaf. at school i felt so out of place with the other girls, we were getting close to middle school and all my friends wanted to look more grown up, they wanted to wear make-up and talk about boys and between the autism and the queerness that i wouldn’t discover for a few more years, i just didn’t... fit. then i got to camp, and i met leaf, the unit leader for the juniors. i remember thinking she was so cool, how she wore basketball shorts and sneakers every day, she wore glasses and never wore makeup. as far as i know, she was straight and cis, but how she was at camp inspired me, defined what “butch” was in my head when i first began to question my identity
i think of our old archery instructor when i was a camper, who had short hair, and moved to california the year before i started cit. i think of how even today how those of us who knew them try to avoid pronouns when referring to them, only using their camp name, because none of us have talked to them in years, but we feel that they may have ended up trans. but we don’t know, not really, so it’s best to avoid pronouns at all.
i think of when the trading post first got the girl scout barbies. how everyone was so excited but so few got it (because who really shows up to the trading post with $20+ in hand). and once the novelty wore off, when we eagerly crowded around the one person who bought one that week, and we’d all laugh because she may be girl scout barbie, but she wasn’t a girl scout. she was supposed to be someone at camp, but we laughed because only an idiot would come dressed like that, with makeup caked on and uniform impeccably pressed. this barbie, a symbol of girlhood to many, just... couldn't be a girl scout. not at girl scout camp.
i think of our current adventure specialist, who first came to our camp in 2015, then was a counselor at the other sleepaway camp for a few years before returning in 2019. they were the first counselor who i knew to be openly gay, when i overheard her talking to another counselor my first year as a ca in 2018, saying the words “my girlfriend”. it was the first time i had ever seen an adult be queer in real life. up until then, the only gay people i knew were the other kids in my middle school friend group, and we were relentlessly teased by our classmates for it, especially the one friend who was trans and used they/them pronouns. but here was evidence that an adult, a normal, well-adjusted adult, could be gay. we weren’t just “chronically online” or “watching too many buzzfeed videos”, we were… maybe normal. even as a camper, too, back in 2015, she was cool, she didn’t dress how girls were supposed to dress. they had what seemed like a different baseball cap every day (the one i remember most being bowser). now that i’m on staff, we’re friends now, and they still inspire me.
i think of being a camper and braiding each other's hair, sitting in the acorn huts we used to change after pool. i think of talking to my best friend imagining going to sleepaway camp and a hypothetical situation where a tentmate would forget sunscreen and got horribly burnt. “i’d let her use my aloe vera” i said. “i’d laugh and say i told you so” she replied. i think of the two of us and a third friend running wild around the camp, thinking we ran it at the age of 11 simply because we were nearly cadettes now and had been here for longer than some of the counselors.
i think of two of our old waterfront directors, who inspired me in different ways. the first, a retired ap bio teacher. she was unmarried and had short hair and always told stories about her girl friends going on canoeing trips in their younger years. i think about how her camp name (she always said it was after a sea monster from an old cartoon) was a name usually associated with guys. i later learned that it was really just a shortened version of her “real” name (only two letters omitted) and that a lot people she knows outside of camp call her by that nickname.
the second waterfront director was a lot younger. they had short hair, it was dyed green, they were nonbinary and weren’t afraid to tell the kids that, they may have even been the first to. they taught me how to make bead lizards, and they hugged me after campfire the last day of summer in 2021, when i was crying about how i was so terrified to go to college and leave my little sister alone with my parents. they post memes about bugs and science on their instagram story. they were only here last summer for a few days, but every moment felt special.
i think of the daisies and brownies who don’t quite get gender, who to them long hair=girl and short hair=boy, and any deviance from that breaks their brains, because surely that’s all gender is. they don’t get my pronouns right, but that’s okay. they’ll learn.
i think of the one spring event where i helped run boating, where a couple of cadettes came up to me, excitedly saying they like my pin (which had my camp name and pronouns). and i think maybe i’m that adult that inspires for a new generation of girl scouts.
i think of all these things and more.
because i will never be a girl again.
but i will always be a girl scout.
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all the ways to say I love you event
Hi everyone!
It’s been a long time and I just noticed that we’ve reached over 2,5k lovely people on this page. And honestly I don’t really have the words. I mean this started with just me thirsting over fictional characters and now we could fill a whole room with all of us! That’s more people than my whole school can count.
And I am so so grateful for all of you, you’ve made me believe in myself more times than I can count and I’ve met so many amazing people on here...
But anyways! Let’s dig into this event’s rules and theme.
rules:
chose one or two prompts from the one bellow along with one character
you can send an ask on or off anon, I don’t mind, whatever you’re comfy with
smut prompts are for 18+ and only 18+
you can send in up to three requests
specify whether you want your request to be sfw (fluff or angst) or nsfw
fandoms and characters:
ikevamp:
All except for Sebastian, Dazai and the evil trio
ikerev:
All except for Seth, Loki, Mouse, the twins, Blanc and Zero
ikepri:
Chevalier
Yves
Leon
Licht
Rio
Clavis
Nokto
some quote prompts are not my own and taken from Jane Austen novels (or slightly modified)
prompts:
sfw single word prompts:
Ball
Tea party
Picnic
Secret midnight date
Love confession
Unrequited love
Library
sfw quote prompts:
“If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.”
“The very first moment I beheld you, my heart was irrevocably gone.”
“Then I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed.”
“Perhaps it is our imperfections that make us so perfect for one another.”
“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
“I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.”
“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. I have loved none but you.”
“If I could but know your heart, everything would become easy.”
“Yes, I found myself, by insensible degrees, sincerely fond of you; and the happiest hours of my life were what I spent with you.”
“My real purpose was to see you, and to judge, if I could, whether I might ever hope to make you love me.”
“You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged; but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.”
“My heart is and always will be yours.”
“Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing; but I have never been in love; it is not my way, or my nature; and I do not think I ever shall.”
“Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever.”
“Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you.”
“I just feel safe with you. Like nothing bad can happen.”
“I care about you. I’ve always cared about you.”
“I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”
“You’re cute when you’re half asleep like that...”
“Don’t give me space, that is the last thing I desire from you.”
“You are making me think that what they said about you is right.”
nsfw single word prompts:
Public sex
Oral sex
Breeding kink
Bondage
Impact play
Marking
Dirty talk (might contain some french words if the character is french)
Praise kink
Degradation
Cock warming
nsfw quote prompts:
“Interrupt me one more time and bear the consequences.”
“Could he make you feel as good as I do?”
“You’re not wearing anything under that, are you?”
“I could just pull your panties to the side. No one will notice.”
“I’m sure we can put those lips to better use”
“I’m going to fuck you so hard, you forget your own name.”
“If we weren’t in public right now, I’d have my head between your legs.”
“You don’t like my teasing? Your moans are telling me a whole other story.”
“Use your words.”
“You can take it.”
“You take me so well.”
taglist: @randonauticrap @aquagirl1978 @heyy-its-j @violettduchess @ikemen-writer @kissmetwicekissmedeadly @xxsycamore @mcofthemansion
#ikemen vampire#ikevamp#ikemen vampire fanfic#ikemen vampire fanfiction#ikerev#ikerev fanfic#ikerev fanfiction#ikevamp fanfic#ikevamp fanfiction#ikemen revolution fanfic#ikemen revolution fanfiction#ikepri#ikemen prince#ikepri fanfic#ikepri fanfiction#ikemen prince fanfic#ikemen prince fanfiction
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okay, i breathed.
holy shit kami.
first of all, “a tinge of angst” is a MAJOR understatement. my heart was pounding, my head was reeling, and my knuckles were turning white from gripping my phone. YOU KILL ME, KAMI.
i always understood the Gojo delulu, but holy shit. i’m sure this isn’t the last time we’ll run into him, but the way that last kiss felt so permanent made my heart shatter. THIS MOTHERFUCKER SAID HE’D THINK ABOUT KIDNAPPING THE READER and you have the audacity to write him so well that i was okay with it for a brief moment so long as it meant that we’d still have him around 😭😭
that Sukuna passage was ominous from beginning to end 🥹 something is coming and i know i’m not ready for it. just talking to him gave me major anxiety again. it was like a reminder that while the list is over, the consequences of that list are still revealing itself. i’m overanalyzing that whole passage to see what it could be foreshadowing to. i have a few ideas, but every one of them is making me go crazy. oh my fucking god. while the Sukuna scenes have been so great, considering his relation to Choso i’m slightly going insane from the possibility (guarantee?) that Choso will find out about this. UGHHHHHHH
speaking of Choso… that motherfucker. Kami i don’t know if i mentioned it before, but i wasn’t a Choso girly before your fic came along. i never even watched JJK. to me, this is my JJK LMAO. but the amount of parallels from what the reader is currently experiencing with Choso with what Choso is now making the reader go through is karma not giving our girl a break 😭😭 if this ends up with Choso pulling a “there’s someone else” i think i’m going to bite off a piece of drywall 😭😭😭😭😭 CHOSO I’M ROOTING FOR YOU!! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!!!!
also you’re revealing red flags in me that i never realized before bc why was i jealous over Choso’s interaction with Yuki 🥲 it makes no sense bc like… Yuki is so fine. i’d usually be like “FORGET CHOSO, I WANT HER” (i’m still kinda like that hehe) but the fact that they’re hanging out makes me civisjndjdjcjdnfbdbvbennfjenf AAAAAA. like yeah, he has a point when he mentions how he’s not tied down in a relationship, but holy shit. Choso feels like the reader’s karma that she lowkey doesn’t deserve since the situation has been out of her hands from the beginning 😭 KAMIIIIIIIIII
the cliffhanger. i’m about to rip out my hair. KAMI PLEEEAAAAASE WHO?????? A CRUMB OF A HINT. JUST A CRUMB. THAT WAY I CAN AT LEAST HAVE AN IDEA OF WHO I’M GOING TO GO IN A SPIRAL OVER FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS. the fucking possibilities 😭😭 the thing that would kill me considering the mention of the nightclub proximity my brain was immediately like “oh god, Nanami???” but i was also like “hold on… Naoya…” but then i remembered that the reader met Naoya at a bar and not a nightclub (and he doesn’t seem like the type to be at a café 😭). KAMI YOU’RE DRIVING ME INSANE AND YOU HAVE ME JUMPIN TO ALL SORTS OF THEORIES AAAAAAAAA
- ☃️
Gotta be one of my fav anons fr, I seriously love these long rants sm😩😩
ALRIGHT LETS UNPACK
Hi my name is Kami & welcome to my podcast😉
Lol jkjk, honestly I didnt think the angst was tht bad?😭 There were no tearssss but I SUPPOSE I’ll change the warning😔
Guys Sukuna’s just a silly lil guy, I gotta include everyone again SOMEHOW before the story ends y’know😹
As for the Choso & Yuki situation…
ANYWAYS !!
Guys I promise the person tht she sees isn’t tht bad💀 well, it can be but uhhhhhh yeah lemme shut ip before I spoil everything😭
Like ik the cliffhanger is spooky bc like… it’s me writing it BUT BUT it’s nothing y’all needa worry abt fr
TRUST ME !! Do NOT trust me
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if your moots were playing the protagonist in your favourite romance movies, which idol would you pair them with as the love interest?
heads up before we start, i’m literally obsessed with dramas and these were definitely let downs 💀 i honestly have no motivation to write anything and it was kinda difficult since i don’t know my mutuals as well as they know themselves!! pls correct me if anything’s wrong bc i reallly wanna know more abt everyone 💔💔💔
true beauty with park sunghoon
@vlkyriesverse in true beauty with sunghoon! let’s take suho and jugyeongs relationship for instance. they would be enemies to lovers hands down (idkkk from stories i’ve read/how i see sunghoon i just think he’d have an enemies to lovers trope 😭😭😭) also because flo is like the type to be “enemies” with someone but in a friendly way but his and sunghoon’s enemy relationship is def something LMAOO
our beloved summer with lee mark
@yv17 can you tell that enemies to lovers is my fave trope yet LMAOOO…. anyways enemies to lovers to exes to lovers would definitely suit mark (imo ofc). mark is a trouble maker and laughs at anything johnny says so i feel like he’d be attached to whoever he was with previously (for example how attached he is with johnny and other nct members) and would want to be with them again. (but idkk that’s just how i see it) and nora is someone who you could def be attached to (me saying this bc i got attachment issues) she’s so sweet and rlly fun to hangout with so i wouldn’t blame mark tbh 🤷🏾♀️
falling into your smile with huening kai
@ox1-lovesick TBH I HAVE NO CLUE IF MIA PLAYS VIDEO GAMES LMAOO 😭😭😭😭 but i’m still doing falling into your smile! one of my favorite cdramas tbh and once again it’s enemies to lovers 💀 in the drama they meet as enemies in like an esports team! and as for kai i feel like he’s emotionally attached to the members of txt so if one of them were to get injured and had to leave the esports team he would rlly be sad and try not to communicate with the new member of the team bc he liked the first set up better. but for mia i think they’d constantly try and communicate with kai just bc it would be awkward if they weren’t friends while being on the same team yk?
abyss with sim jake
@lov3niki ABYSS ABYSS ABYSS I LOVE ABYSS SM! OKAY SO JAKE OFC AS CHA MIN they’re both smart but also kinda slow sometimes LMAOOO and kim seems like a very smart person in murder mystery situations or like the mafia game etc 💀 makes no sense IK but wtv! they would make a rlly good partner in crime duo and be able to work together rlly well when trying to solve the possible crime that’s happening in the show and while doing so they’d most likely get close etc???? I SUCK AT THESE THINGS ALR! 😭😭😭😭
live on with kwon soonyoung
@floweryjihoon MELLI!!! never forgetting her 😁 okay so there’s reasons to why i chose live on specifically and hoshi ! in live on there’s ofc a broadcasting club and the male lead (Also forgot his name) is trying to get the female lead to participate in this event or wtv and she keeps refusing. so like if the task was really concerning or not specified i think it would take a lot of convincing to get melli to agree and that’s what results into hoshi being frustrated and trying to figure out ways to convince her to join/do wtv the event or task was
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heya! hope youve had a nice day when you get this:) i just wanted to ask a few questions if you dont mind? and apologies if the answer to any of these are on your blog, i swear ive looked and only resorted to this because i couldn't find them^^
1. what are your pronouns? i always like getting to know blogs with this first:)
2. what are your wattpad and ao3 accounts? id love to read your fics!
3. do you mind if i do some of the newt appreciation month prompts a bit late? its been a hell of a month for me but i still wanna touch on some of the earlier ones (granted i get the time lol)
Hiya!
Thanks for sending in your ask, I don’t mind people asking me questions as long as they’re not too personal. Some of the answers to your questions are on the blog, it’s just that they won’t be easy to find. For instance,
1. I have never outright stated what my pronouns are, because I don’t think it’s important for anyone to know really, but I have given clues in tags in the past. Such as little things like ‘a girl can dream can’t she?’ So I guess I go by she/her.
2. My Ai3 account goes by similar name handle as my tumblr, at TheScamanderishRadmayniac. I’ve never mentioned my wattpad account name before, but I have posted links to two of my fanfics from there on here before. The one I mentioned the reader who read it in one sitting is here
Another one I posted the link to in December time you can find here
I don’t have many works posted on either account, although there are quite a few projects I’m working on, so watch this space. They’ll be more stuff coming soon on both accounts. :D @afrenchaugurey I know you were asking for links to my wattpad stories, and someone else too, but I forget who. But anyway for those who want to read my wattpad stuff, those are two of my works on there. I’m working on a few Fantastic beasts stuff too, that are in my drafts. One of them i need book cover for, and to make up my mind as to what I want to call it (keep changing my mind), but will be a book of one shots hopefully, and some other full length stories too. But we shall see.
3. Oh my gosh, yeah by all means do them, do the challenge. Honestly I don’t mind how late people do the Newt appreciation challenge at all. I just want people to enjoy and have fun doing them. Since I don’t know who you are, it would be great if you could tag me on each post as you do the challenge. I’d love to see what you do with them, and how you answer them. I’d really appreciate that.
Thanks so much for taking an interest in my works snd the challenge. I really appreciate it, and for taking the time to send the ask. :) hope that answers your questions and hope you have a nice day too! :))
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thoughts on hell breaks loose
ok y’all i KNOWWW i’m like a month late but honestly this was a strugglebus for me to read, despite being so short. and normally i whizz through SP books in a day or two, but this was just painful to read.
tagging @facelessxchurch as i promised to be a massive hater (i hope that’s ok!! :’) and that this lived up to your expectations lolol)
SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT !!!
starting out with the positives of HBL so i dont look like a COMPLETE hater!! so what i liked:
the usual SP humour was in there and it’ll never fail to make me laugh
ghastly lore!! finding out about ghastly’s past relationships and his parents!!!
mev and serpine canonly wearing wigs (& serpine’s wig being snatched) because they may be complete villains but GOD DAMMIT, THEY’RE VILLAINS THAT HAVE AN ✨ AESTHETIC ✨
rima being the best blink-and-you’ll-miss-it new character since phase 1
the saracen vs delicat fight (was hilarious if you look past the chivalry bullshit convo)
seeing mr bliss and meritorious again!!! and just the elders in gen!! they were fucking cool!!
seeing hopeless & him interacting with everyone (we have no choice but to stan)
dexter vex being dexter vex
now we’re going hater mode and here are all the things i had problems with:
literally everything else. ok bye
jk
firstly. where the hell was china/the diablerie???? anyone??? okay now i’ve got that out the way...
terrible writing
Landy’s writing has always been simple but this story is like… simpler than simple. The sentences are also oddly structured and it SEEMS like he tried to give the characters’ speech an old timey vibe but it just comes off as... really awkward sounding.
the battles for this story were unreadable for me, i found myself skipping past them because there was just no substance/detail there, or if there was detail it was just filler (looking at the last fight with the dead men vs mevolent’s gang)
i just got bored. and i never get bored with an SP book, but 3 chapters in and i left the book for a month before i could read it again, because there seemed to be no plot until the very end.
lack of characterisation
what are the personality traits of ghastly’s mother in this? i couldn’t tell ya. hell, what were the traits of ANY character in this story? what was the point of introducing ghastly’s mum after hyping her up for so many years if you won’t utilise her?
adding onto this, all the characters just read as samey for me, if we took away the names of the characters for dialogue etc i literally would NOT be able to tell who said what, because they all had the same personality.
which brings me to the stone sisters. they had so much potential but they were just SO boring. rapture had 0 personality and i didnt care that ghastly fell in love with her. i don’t even know how he did.
also found it wild that landy is trying to push a (forced) romance between ghastly and rapture. obviously ghastly would have other people he’s interested in before tanith but is it really necessary for a story this short? Like the anselm backstory + his parent’s lore would’ve been enough, the romance didn’t add anything to this shitty story.
valkyrie fuckin’ cain
dear landy, valkyrie cain doesnt have to be in every single story. the plot does not have to revolve around her. this has been a public announcement.
why oh WHY did this bitch rock up out of nowhere halfway through the story?
in the end it’s not like she even does much. plus if it’s a story ABOUT THE DEAD MEN, keep it about THEM, not her.
at one part she brags about all of her stupid powers and it’s at this point that i start drinking to forget how awful this story is
most of her conversations are just ripped from the pages of when she spoke to meritorious in the OTHER parallel dimension. what was the point???
oh pee pee poo poo angry birds!!!11
fuck valkyrie cain she should’ve stayed tf out of HBL
other moments from when i live-reacted to this god damn story but can’t be bothered to write about fully:
Already like one page into the book and I feel like the writing is off…? Idk I’ve been reading phase one again recently so mb its just that I forgot what phase 2 writing is like (if HBL is similar writing wise to phase 2?)
Literally two pages in and theres already typos. Someone get this man’s editor an editor.
I dunno I feel like this book is trying too hard but simultaneously not trying AT ALL
Im getting a fucking drink. Maybe that’ll make this bearable.
Im in so much pain reading this book now. And I cant stop cringing. Someone tell me when its over pLEASE
Everyone’s dyng what the fuck
Landy really is obsessed with the “ooo it was all a dream” trope shit and “ooo the timeline that never happened” bullshit huh
And for my final thought:
if the hidden god bullshit is a set up for phase 3 I don’t even WANNA know
#skulduggery pleasant#skulduggery pleasant hell breaks loose#sp hell breaks loose#sp hell breaks loose spoilers#i got lazy with this halfway through ngl#i have so many more problems with this book but i didnt wanna go on for a longggg time so here's the tldr of it hahah#if anyone has any thoughts on this lmk bc i have so many fkn thoughts on this story i need to taLK TO PPL
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Just a little side project
because the RotTMNT movie ensnared me, and there are so many wonderful fics about F!Turtles coming to the past, I had to give it a shot but with my own twist. So, here is the star of the story, Casey Jones’ not-so, maybe a little bit, terrible day. Title: It’s Like Cancer, My Dear (It’s a Slow Death)
Hopefully I’ll finish the first chapter soon, but for now, enjoy this little WIP. I don’t foresee this being a long fic (says every writer), but who knows. Enjoy!
Some regular Tuesday morning.
A persistent beeping noises reaches the teenager's ears, jerking him awake. With a groan, Casey reaches over to turn off his alarm on his phone. Sure, his time in the rebellion caused him to wake up at odd hours, but after over a year, sleep habits die hard. Slowly, he stretches out, waking fully. He has school in an hour. Rolling out of bed, picking out clean clothes, and brushing his teeth, Casey padded into the kitchen to find Splinter and Mikey.
"Good morning, Casey!" Mikey quips happily. "I just cut up some fruit!"
Casey smiles, "Morning, Mikey. Splinter." It never got old seeing his friends first thing in the morning.
Splinter simply grunts and raises his tea mug in greeting. It surprised Casey that Splinter was a morning person, and when he asked, Splinter had admitted that after raising four boys, mornings were the least rowdy, allowing for some peace and quiet. However, once Casey started high school, Mikey began to wake up early as well to prepare breakfast. Honestly, it was a sweet gesture.
Casey grabs a plate to dish up some cantaloupe and strawberries, taking a set next to Mikey. While pancakes are a favorite in the Hamato lair, the novelty of fresh fruit is Casey's favorite. He savors every bite, trying to forget about dreading to go to school.
As usual though, it does not last long. Too soon he is swinging his backpack across his shoulders, checking to make sure he has is mask and extra knife hidden. Too soon he is sitting on a public bus. Too soon he is walking the overcrowded hallways, and too soon is he sitting at his self-proclaimed desk in the back.
“Hey, Casey,” waves the brunet who sits in front of him. What is her name again? Jesse?
Tentatively, Casey waves back with a small, “Hi.” Every day, without fail, she always waves at him. Actually, Casey realizes, she waves at everyone that comes in the classroom. He is secretly jealous of her outward nature. If only it is that easy.
Aside from April, making human friends has proven to be a challenge. It’s not like he has any shared experiences to connect with people. What is he supposed to say? Yeah, I survived the futuristic apocalypse, if you count being thrown back in time as surviving, and live with mutated turtles and an old rat who is the movie star Lou Jitsu, but enough about me, what about you? Casey does not see that conversation going well. It’s easier to avoid it all together. Besides, he has Leo, Raph, Mikey, Donnie, April, Cass, and Splinter. What more does he need?
Apparently, a normal human life, according to April.
The screech of the bell rings, taking Casey out of his musings. It does not help his headache. Oh yeah, his headache. Pretty sure Professor Donatello would classify it as a migraine with how long it has lasted. Casey does not know when it started, just that he woke up it.
It’s probably nothing, he thought. I’m just dehydrated.
“Alright, class!” drawls his teacher, an old lady with streaks of silver hair and comically thick glasses. If anyone could suck out the joy of learning, it was his teacher. “Listen for roll call.”
Man, does high school suck.
#rottmnt#casey jones#casey jones jr#michelangelo#rottmnt splinter#it's like cancer my dear it's a slow death#what's CJ supposed to do?#just conform to society?#poor boy has trauma and I will be exploring it#ilcmdisd#post rottmnt movie
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All Systems Red by Martha Wells
Series: The Murderbot Diaries, #1
Read time: 1 Day
Rating: 5/5
The quote: Granted, I liked the imaginary people on the entertainment feed way more than I liked real ones, but you can’t have one without the other. — Murderbot
Oh Murderbot... you are definitely something and I feel for you. This book feels like it can be used as a metaphor for LGBTQ identities. There are some aspects of the story that feel very aroace. Murderbot doesn't talk about their feelings but you can see the coding coming through. They are part human, and part bot but it's not a simple 50/50 split, one of their very bot traits is their lack of sexual organs. "I don’t have any gender or sex-related parts (if a construct has those you’re a sexbot in a brothel, not a murderbot) so maybe that’s why I find sex scenes boring. Though I think that even if I did have sex-related parts I would find them boring." (Murderbot). I honestly think quite a lot of people with LGBTQ identities may relate to this on some level. Oh and bonus point they are also coded autistic and in a semi-flirtatious, semi-argumentative relationship with an asshole AI called ART.
All Systems Red is wonderful and I can see where its popularity comes from and it is deserving of the praise it has received. It may be a short work but it is brilliantly written. Readable and engaging with a variety of enjoyable characters and a promise of great lore. The self-contained story and the way in which it is framed are so very well done. Murderbot themselves makes you care and is well developed they grow over time even if it is a novella. The ending becomes that growth honours it. I really do adore the framing of All Systems Red, and I would suspect The Murderbot Diaries more widely. The whole book is a message to a single character, in this case, Dr Mensah, I'm guessing the character may change from book to book as Murderbot moves through the universe.
This is a book with some fantastic quotes in it. I want to share them. All quotes are by Murderbot.
• With my cracked governor there was nothing to stop me, but not letting anybody, especially the people who held my contract, know that I was a free agent was kind of important. Like, not having my organic components destroyed and the rest of me cut up for parts important. — The tracked chip is how Murderbot is how they are sentient. I like this total sense of self and the way Wells jas phrased it. I can hear it.
• The sense of urgency just wasn’t there. Also, you may have noticed, I don’t care. — Even when Murderbot does care they are a pessimist. Honestly, it is kinda me. Sorta. The lack of urgency is in Murderbot wanting to do their job.
• Yes, talk to Murderbot about its feelings. The idea was so painful I dropped to 97 percent efficiency. — Love the computer terminology used throughout this, you are never given the option or opportunity to forget that Murderbot is a bot. Even with their name there are things like how they track time and their hobbies that are so tech.
• This is why I didn’t want to come. I’ve got four perfectly good humans here and I didn’t want them to get killed by whatever took out DeltFall. It’s not like I cared about them personally, but it would look bad on my record, and my record was already pretty terrible. — For a character that doesn't care about people, who is largely apathetic at times, it is interesting to watch the changes to Murderbot as time goes on as the develop some kind of bond with their humans.
• And in their corner all they had was Murderbot, who just wanted everyone to shut up and leave it alone so it could watch the entertainment feed all day. — Tell me this isn't totally accurate at times?
• I hate having emotions about reality; I’d much rather have them about Sanctuary Moon. — Now this is a mood. Sanctuary Moon is Murderbot's favourite TV show/ net drama. And oh I emotions about tv are so much easier to deal with.
I appreciate the world that Martha Wells has started building here. The follow-up answers a question posed in this piece. It allows for more exploration of the world Wells has created for Muderbot, now that the basic premise and introductions have been established.
Also total respect to @alex-van-gore for their fantastic art of Murderbot. The tag is well work checking out.
#the murderbot diaries#all systems red#martha wells#book review#novella#read 2022#ktreviews#space opera#(?) maybe#booklr
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Mentopolis Ep 3! We have life things so this is late but we press on
Freddie said the whole thing!
Just a damp damp man 😐
Once again. We need Stacy Fakename merch pls.
I love the wonkaness of Gobstopper Industries
IT MOVES
The heart being the Boston to the brain’s New York is interesting
Phrenology lmao
I slap him. I kiss him.
Hunch keeping so much stuff in his pants is such a Choice
I really think it’s a phone buzzing and not a sexy thing because Elias is so convinced he doesn’t deserve pleasure that I don’t he would do that
If not ___, ___? is such a great sequence I’m gonna rewatch that several times probably
Turn yourself in to who???
Every part of the brain can notice conscience but pleasure. Sometimes the dice do really cool things.
The Fix being vaguely southern always cracks me up
Conrad not wanting to say fucks aw
He’s the only one who can DRIVE
Bro WHAT
Hank why
Ooh yay psychometer info
This thing could alter thoughts. Ok.
Evillll
I love lengthy lore drops. I love them so much.
That wave is designed to create impulses maybe?
The editing is simultaneously really cool and gonna give me a headache
This thing erases color from the mind? Does it erase memory?
This boiling down to ‘has the government been corrupted by external capitalist forces or was the already corrupt government merely enabled by this capitalist presence’ is incredibly interesting
Cool! Very convenient!
OH the reflexive switchboard yay
F for freezer!
Hunch why do you wanna see Anastasia’s apartment
Trapp is so great I don’t think I’ve appreciated him enough
I think killing the conscience will probably not save the life of someone who has been thrown out of a window
Hank what
“It’s about what happens when you’re the next age” I’m gonna cry?
What
Babe what
(a ballad of balls on tracks)
Oooh does the Fucks family also have keys
(everyone getting a kick out of the foot fetish joke)
Hank jostling Freddie because he’s so delighted <3
Splitting the partyyyyyy
fLiGhT 😉
Uncle Hunch and Uncle Fucks 🥲
Dome!
So many hats!
Imelda Pulse supportive cousin of the year <3
The cops. Great.
Something that ladies wear … …
Imelda Pulse coat rack of the year <3
Oh nooo
She’s just sooo estranged from her faaaamily she doesn’t know her cousiiiins
The commitment Siobhan has keeping her arms like that for the whole scene
The Police 😐
Incredible sneak skills
Threw a robe over her trench coat I’m dead
Yeah a newspaperwoman would have to get pretty good at lying lol
Iconic trio
Why is he the only one who can drive 😭
He really just lives to make people uncomfortable
Oooh d20 explosion
Why does he drive like that
BRENNAN WHY IS THAT YOUR DEFAULT ROCK
Put that tongue back in your mouth SIR.
(group trying to hold back laughter to keep it tense…)
(and failing)
The word fight is losing all meaning
I was gonna say Gilear energy but he’s honestly more confident than Gilear.
Self doubt is so strong and dominance is so weak.
I feel like dominance being weak is a trick tho. It feels too simple.
Also. Self Doubt isn’t even a pun of any kind his name is just straight up his job.
I just was busy.
Why is fight russian
Conrad is so sassy today
IVANA POPOV
What
The fuck just happened
The poor Fakename family
Box of Doom!!
The one thing that always bugs me is the box is never level and I don’t know if that affects how the die rolls
What a power
YEAH BABY
How are the fakenames even a family. What concept are they.
Dice are cool
One of those inflatable clowns that are weighted at the bottom so they bounce up whenever you hit them
(the crowd goes wild for Stacy Fakename)
I love character feats!
Flight was in control when Elias got hurt. Interesting.
I love how Hunch just has cartoon logic
I also forget that I’m playing and not just watching a story sometimes
You like my facts right?
FACT ALERT
PELICAN FACT ALERT
Oh god
Hank leaning into being intimidating is so good to watch
Man. Okay.
Oh that’s so cool. Focusing on breathing lowers the pressure. That’s so good.
What are you close to achieving
That’s SO fucked up
What
Who are you
What
Is this fucking adderall or something
Probably the psychometer. But it would be an interesting take for it to be meds lol.
BRENNAN.
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