#I'm going to say: I loved the ending

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[spielzeugkaiser]

How it started-

How it's going!! They are a family and I am!!! also draw the hug you want to see in the show but they are forgiven because them meeting in brokilon was still soooo tender my HEART-

#the witcher season 3 #the witcher #geralt of rivia #geraskier #jaskier #the witcher spoilers #(at least discussed in the text) #they've come such a long way and I'm still sitting here like 🥺🥺🥺 #man if you think of the timeline (which is so whack) Geralt and Jaskier have SEEN things #they have been going on for more than twenty years #they are FAMILY and that gets me so bad and I'll draw the whole squad probably tomorrow but!! look at them #somehow the end of season 3 is everything I wanted from season 1 when it came to those two because it had some S1 vibes again with the duo! #but it was so much more heartfelt and tender and not even an ounce of Geralt being seemingly annoyed of Jaskier just- #clenches fist #I'm so basic for still loving them so much but I simply do and will never stop 😔 #but I gotta say I loved the yenralt this season too I can finally see it and it was very sweet at times

[egophiliac]

happy new year Ego!!! Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely adore your twst fanart and the tags are just an absolute pleasure to read! You are my greatest inspiration for my personal twst art and I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful masterpieces <333 if possible, may I ask what are some of your headcanons for the diasomnia family? If not for diasomnia then any other characters are fine as well!

thank you, and happy new year! 💚💜💚 that is amazing to hear; it's always a little bewildering but super flattering that other people like my silly little doodles so much!

I don't think I really have any really solid headcanons and also canon keeps validating me left and right (FLUFFY DOMESTIC DIAFAM IS REAL). mostly just kind of...impressions and general thoughts, if that makes sense! lately though I've been kind of obsessed with thinking about Lilia's hair, and specifically when/why he ended up cutting it. (l-look, we're bouncing around the timeline and I gotta make decisions about these things when I draw, it's relevant) (I mean I would probably be weirdly fixated on this anyway, but.)

I think I've settled on the idea that he kept it long until he went to NRC, partly because 1) I like drawing The Ponytail, and 2) I think he thought of NRC as a chance to reinvent himself a bit! he gets to go and be a wacky carefree teenager for a few years and have fun! (officially he's there to keep an eye on Son #1, but how much trouble could he get into, really.) so he gave himself a Cool Teen Haircut to go with his fresh new Cool Teen Persona!

also maybe he had some reflection on his hair's troubled past with three kids...

...and had to weigh his vanity versus the fact that he was going off to be around hundreds of kids on a daily basis, and. the choice suddenly seemed obvious.

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers #this is my blog and i'm going to write a million words about lilia and you can't stop me #but anyway i do genuinely get the impression that he's using Pretending to Be a Teenager as a chance to be even sillier than usual #he's a very silly man he's just being EXTRA silly #supported by his recent birthday card where he says he was specifically trying to cast himself as an adorable little brother-type #because he wanted the other students to give him free shit and save him seats and things like that #it worked for about a week before he turned out to be way too good at stuff and everyone just kind of ended up in awe of him instead #and he was like DANGIT. I'VE RUINED IT FOR MYSELF. #(then he and epel went on to talk about their hypothetical vtubersonas because the birthday cards are INSANE but anyway) #i'm bad at headcanons :( sorry! #unless it's dumb things like...what pokemon they would have or whatever #(malleus would have some kind of special fancy-colored dragapult) (but i digress) #i have a hard time putting things into words. just know that i love the grampa bat and his weird kids very much. #my brain is also still kind of fried from the last couple of weeks #i am however starting 2024 off the way i intend to continue it: in deep contemplation of anime hair #(sorry if these look weirdly aliased) (i realized about 3/4 of the way through i was using the wrong brush and i didn't want to restart :U)

[bizarrelittlemew]

calling it right now that season 3 starts like this

#so confused about people saying the season finale feels like the end because to me it didn't at all #there's like 5-10 issues immediately set up for another season #they're in a happy place at this point because they've both realized their love is bigger than anything else #and makes it worth working on their problems together #the problems are still very much there #both of them have deep self esteem/self loathing issues that haven't been resolved in the week since ed woke up #ed doesn't know about stede's trauma #they haven't talked through anything #and they'll be shit at starting/running an inn lmao it's not gonna go well #and those are just some of the internal issues #then there's prince ricky and all the authorities that would very much like to get their hands on both blackbeard and stede bonnet #because stede just full-on kept using his government name after faking his death. nice one #the crew are not “gone” they're more like off to college for a bit but will probably run into trouble immediately #again because while they escaped to the ship they didn't eliminate the threat (the british empire) #it's not a forever goodbye #ok this got super long already anyway i have a whole fic marinading in my brain until i've finished these 4 wips i'm in the middle of ✌️ #hope we get a renewal soon because i want to see the rest of their story!! #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 #ofmd #our flag means death

[nataliesscatorccio]

YELLOWJACKETS

#I've wanted to make this for a long time and it's nothing at all like what I set out to do #I was going to have Laura Lee's doomed flight and Jackie's death and praying to the gods of the dirt and the girls running w weapons raised #lottie screaming as they board the rescue plane #in short: a horror story #and instead I ended up with an SOS in red lipstick #the living holding hands around the dead they are all doomed to become #the team doing their best to feed themselves on their limited knowledge and looking out for each other #even the girl they don't really like #the group finding hope in lottie's faith passed to her by laura lee #and ofc the horrible spectacle they become in the media #I guess what I'm trying to say is I set out to paint Shauna as a liar but she's telling the truth #that IS the end of the story #it was beautiful and horrible #and it was a love story #yellowjackets #yellowjacketsedit #shauna shipman #lottie matthews #misty quigley #laura lee #taissa turner #akilah yellowjackets #flashing gif

[tomwambsgans]

greg said actually i wanna take YOU out and I'M gonna pay for it

#also it's so cute how he says 'visited' instead of just 'been to' like you can tell he learned how to talk from tv #tomgreg #greg hirsch #which side are you on? #fr why is this part not talked about much beyond the Thor Loves Poptarts-ification of greg loving cpk #tom says my gf is out. so let's go out to dinner. the moment greg understands that it's a serious proposal he's SO excited #and it's clearly NOT for any notion of fine dining. he doesn't ask tom 'where are we going' #no. he wants to go out with TOM!! he has a restaurant in mind that's a treat for him and he's excited to share that with tom #i think he is feeling a tiny bit snubbed at the end by the way tom refuses to let greg have the upper hand #like tom asked him out and greg literally asked him out right back. and rather than be excited tom is like no I'M doing the asking out!! lo #but yknow ultimately tom has his own thing that he already really wanted to share with greg #he IS delighted that greg has unrefined tastes bc it means he gets to treat him. he gets to be the reason for greg's awe #also he just thinks it's cute imo #and greg took to it as much as one can when they've already been more or less forcefed (much like the ortolan he eats lol) #anyway. tom's need to feel in control is his detriment bc greg wanted to treat him to some cajun chicken linguine and then fuck him silly #mine

[itspileofgoodthings]

one of my favorite things about pride and prejudice is that in the last third of the book Elizabeth’s internal monologue about Darcy is her admitting that she’s in love with him but also putting all sorts of qualifications around that statement that kind of ...tamp down the level of emotion (the “feelings, if not as tender as Jane’s for Bingley, at least as just” line, even the whole thing about her and Darcy being well-matched objectively speaking) and as soon as she’s engaged you get the unbridled joy in the narrative about her own joy, cc: “I am happier even than Jane; she only smiles, I laugh.” 

#pride and prejudice #jane austen #this is very obvious but it's in the narration itself #that she's trying to sort of distance herself from the depths of her own feelings in case this DOESN'T work out #i also think the rational stuff is totally true and she would say that after as well but she would say it in a different way #idk i just love it. it's so subtle and it's so true #also very obvious?? i feel like i'm making a very obvious point #but anyway 'elizabeth's feelings soon rising to playfulness etc. etc.' #also this is why i hated the end of a civil contract actually #i felt like she was tamping it all down and for some reason it just made me SO mad #like no. it's supposed to OVERFLOW NOW #adam being like 'and in the end the rational choice was jenny' sir i will FIGHT YOU IN THE PARKING LOT #idk i was student teaching and very emotional at the time maybe i missed something and read it wrong #but my entire spirit REBELED #like. how honestly DARE #i'm avoiding grading can you tell #yes you can I will go now

[princessamericachavez]

like yes yes eddie needs to choose and buck needs to be chosen but also 

Eddie needs to get over the very big trauma of losing his wife. Last time he dated someone he had literal panic attacks at the thought of her being mistaken for Chris’s mother and as much as we saw him work through in therapy we never?? really?? talked?? about?? that?? So, yeah, Eddie needs to realize that he’s at a point where he’s ready to risk his heart and give love a second chance 

(and maybe realize he already did becase there already is a partner in his life who gets consistently confused for Chris’s guardian and it feels natural to him?? but he still needs to realize he’s ready for love)

And Buck needs to be ready to be in a relationship where he’s loved for who he is, where he doesn’t bend and twist to fit someone else’s expectations. And for that Buck needed to die, and needed to come back, and now he needs to process that trauma and steady himself. 

(and Buck loves so quickly, so openly, so loudly, and he gives so much of himself and he wants to be loved that way, and maybe he’ll realize that he already?? is?? loved?? but he needs to let himself accept it)

so basically, it’s not only a matter of choice... eddie needs to be ready to love and buck needs to accept that he is loved if they are ever going to find each other properly together

and that, my funny little friends, is the point of their arcs were we are at right now

#buddie #911 fox #evan buck buckley #eddie diaz #i'm not going to lose hope over this because i remember a million shows where this had been the path #how many relationships this castle and becket have before they finally were at the point where they could be together?? #hey remember when chenford were in two fairly stable long term relationships because they needed to open up to love again #AND they needed to be in the /wrong/ relationships to finally realize WHAT they wanted??? #eddie deciding he's ready to date/love again is a NECESSARY step for buddie and what they needed right ow #just like buck processing his trauma and maybe having a potential relationship in which he gets to say 'no this isn't right for me i deserve #more' is what he needs to realize he HAS that love #anyway the couch isn't a theory it's a laimotif and its a proper literal metaphor in the show #and we know where that's been popping up lately #so like unless they suck at their job i can't see this being the end #CHILL #911 spoilers #ish

[uncanny-tranny]

You know, I feel like other trans people might get this, but it's honestly kind of refreshing when a cis person has, like, undeniable tboy/tgirl/whatever swag. It's like when you come across somebody who speaks the same language as you and you only find out when they start speaking it, too.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #all this to say that we are existing on a rock hurling through space #and this universe is going to collide into another and does it all truly matter in the end? #a lot of this is based on ideas we have about what constitutes certain people and i think it can be a fun observation #so long as you do not inherently ascribe certain traits as being indicative of who somebody Is #it can be amusing when you're SO confident that somebody is a certain way until you realize how Wrong you were #the amusement for me only comes because it's like... 'you tried your best to box somebody and you FAILED lmao' #and in a weird way it's kind of comforting because it reminds me that we all come into this world with bias that Will be challenged... #...so the best thing you can do is recognize those biases and then try to overcome them through great effort... #...so yes maybe i did think that cis dude had tboy swag but. that's not inherently his problem you know? #it probably just means he's confident in his manhood in a way that reminds me of the trans men* i know and love #i noticed that in him and it reminded me of my friends who are trans so i think 'oh! maybe that's why he's giving off those vibes!' #so while i won't treat him any differently before or after finding out i was wrong i'm still going to appreciate the fact that... #...he and i are literally just Vibing on the same planet and we both don't have time for petty arguing about manhood #i'll acknowledge what inspired those thoughts in me but that is Not his problem and that's good and beautiful actually #i don't always mind the tboy/tgirl swag meme just so long as you don't treat it like an Inherent Trans Experience Only Trans People Have #just recognize where those ideas are inspired from and it's fine <3 #sometimes you will be Wrong and that's actually fucking neutral <<3 #anyway rant over i just think this is /generally/ harmless and fun #like astrology. sometimes you just look up your star sign without ascribing your Entire Life to it <3 #i think what i lot of people mean by saying a cis person has tboy/tgirl swag is just that... #...that cis person has an understanding of themself that comes from deep introspection that isn't necessarily expected of cis folk... #...but it is often something trans people do as part of our exploration of gender... #how is this the FIRST POST to reach tag limit... ask me for more thoughts if you want lol!

[samanthamulder]

THE X-FILES (1993-2018)

SEASON FIVE — What do you hope to find? I mean, in the end.

#txf #tv #txf5 #the x files #txfedit #tvedit #scifiedit #horroredit #90sedit #.gif #thexfilesnet #*txfrewatch #lol I had like a whole essay written in the tags here of how I feel about this season but I don't want to be too much of a hater so. #it has a few iconic motws that I wouldn't wanna miss out on but as a whole it ranks pretty low for me I think #the mytharc really starts to go off the rails here (intriguing idea with the mass ''abductions'' and all that but who came up with #that nonsense about some war between the alien species. why did that need to be a thing??) #and then some of the most important themes (like scully's faith) simply do not resonate with me #I rlly like the end as an episode and as a season finale tho (hence the quote for the caption. LOVE it) so I'm not saying it's ALL bad :') #*saul queued

[fag4dykestobin]

yesterday, i wrote a little snippet of a steve coming out scene that had been living in my head for a bit, and i thought that that was it. and then i kept writing little snippets until this was nearly 3k words long <3 so. enjoy!!

-

Steve looks up at the popcorn ceiling, heart beating, beating, beating, nearly out of… his… chest. Steve doesn’t look at Robin, but… he… knows that Robin is looking at… her?

“Feel like we should be in the bathroom for this,” Steve croaks. Robin huffs out a laugh.

“We can move in there, if you want. My parent’s probably won’t need to use it, they’re in bed already.”

Steve shakes… her…? his. His(/her?) head. “No. I feel better in here.”

“Okay.” And then it’s quiet, between them, and it’s up to Steve to fill that silence. Awesome. Steve can do that. Well, Steve could do that, usually, but unfortunately there is something in Steve’s throat that is blocking everything and anything from coming out of it. Maybe Robin will just let him(/her?) sit here in silence forever, until they both fall asleep, and then when they wake up in the morning they can go along with their lives like there’s nothing building up in Steve’s soul, clawing and raging and desperate to come out.

Robin shifts, so that their feet, propped on the wall in front of them, are touching. It’s enough to get Steve going.

“You know when we were in the Russian base, and you said the thing about your life being one big error?”

Robin made a noise of affirmation.

“Were you talking about, like, being gay?”

Robin sits with the question for a few moments. “... Mostly,” is the answer she decides to go with. Steve waits for her to elaborate.

“I guess it was like, well. Some of it had to do with how we ended up in the Russian base, right? It didn’t feel real. Or like it was supposed to happen. But it also felt like just one more thing in my life that went wrong, and I kinda connect all the bad things that happen to me with me being a lesbian.” There’s a beat of silence. “Which I know isn’t really good. But I’ve been doing it for a while, so it’s hard to stop.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you feel like that? About being, um, half-gay?” The term they’ve landed on for Steve’s sexuality is kind of ridiculous, but neither of them could think of anything better for it. And it’s not like they really refer to it by name outside of hushed and rare conversations like this one. 

“I guess?” Steve thinks on it a little. “Not really. Not like you, at least. It’s, like…” Steve lets himself(/herself?) brush against the problem in his(/her?) brain. Think about it for more than a fleeting moment.

Terror envelopes him(/her?)(cut that shit out pick one and stick to it). Steve tries to think through it, but it’s kind of hard to breathe.

“It’s more about, um. I don’t know. I… It feels stupid.” It feels wrong. It feels criminal.

“I won’t think you’re stupid,” Robin says, so earnestly, like she believes it. Oh, that’s horrible to think about her. Steve screws his eyes shut. Steve screws her eyes shut.

Pick one. (pick he.) And stick to it.

“Sometimes I… mmm. Sometimes I… Robin, if you—” Steve cuts himself off. This feels evil, what he’s about to say. Maybe more evil than what he is. “If I what?” Robin sounds concerned. Like, worried concerned. It makes Steve want to stop everything and wrap her up in a big hug and never talk about this again. Besides, what was Steve even going to say? Robin, if you hate me after this… what? What does he want her to do? Robin, if you hate me after what I say, please don’t.

If Robin hated Steve for this, he might just die.

“Steve? Are you okay?” Robin takes her legs down from the wall and sits up, leans over Steve, trying to get a good look at his face. Steve covers his eyes with his hands.

“I don’t know. I don’t— eugh.” Steve gulps in a big breath, “Robin, if you— hate me, um—”

“No! No no no no no! No! Steve, look at me! Right now!” Steve wants to, but that might make him actually cry. Steve digs her palms into her eyes. No. His palms, his eyes.

God.

“Steve, Evie, please. Please.” The nickname makes Steve’s eyes water. He swipes at them to make them go away, but they keep flowing. Okay, this is going a bit disastrously. The most important thing to do right now is keep his eyes closed and not look at Robin, or else he might shatter into a million little pieces.

“No, I— let me just— I don’t want you to—”

“I won’t hate you, ever. For anything. Are you okay?” Robin sounds miserably anxious. You can’t promise that, Steve wants to bite out. He swallows it. Steve has to trust Robin, because if she can’t, maybe she truly isn’t meant to be like this. Maybe Robin won’t hate him, maybe Robin will help him fix it.

“Sometimes I think about being a girl.”

The words sit heavy between them. Steve kind of wants to throw up about it.

“... Okay.” Robin says. She sounds a little breathless. Steve tries to imagine the look on her face, but can’t imagine it through the fuzz of terror. And like hell will he open his eyes.

“... Okay?” Steve croaks, after Robin fails to elaborate.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” She still has that breathless note in her voice, but it’s more like an aftermath-of-anxiety breathlessness than still-actively-anxious breathlessness.

Steve worries that he’s(.../she’s?) downplayed the problem here. Steve swallows, mouth dry, throat dry.

“No, I, I don’t just think about it, I like thinking about it. I like it when, um, the kids make fun of me by calling me, a, a mom, and I like when you or Max or El paints my nails, and I, I think about stealing your clothes sometimes and it makes me want to kill myself but I can’t, I can’t stop, I…” Steve is now hyperventilating. 

Robin tackles Steve, and Steve’s horrible, traitorous mind wonders if she’ll wrap her hands around his(/her?) throat and kill her(/him?) rather than let him(her?) leave this room.

Steve opens her(/his?) mouth to, who knows, tell her that it’s okay? That he(/she?) understands? That she(/he?) loves her? But nothing comes out, and after a second, Steve realizes that it’s a hug. Obviously. And then Steve starts sobbing.

It takes a few minutes for Steve to stop losing… his? her? God, the thought of either makes Steve want to puke. It takes a few minutes for Steve to stop losing Steve’s mind. And Robin strokes Steve’s hair the whole time, and holds Steve the whole time, and whispers that it’s okay and that she loves Steve, the whole time. It kind of prolongs the sobbing, in a way, because Steve just can’t believe it. But Steve does eventually calm down.

“Steve,” Robin whispers.

Steve sniffles and swallows thickly. “Yeah?”

“It’s fine. You’re fine.”

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

“Well,” says Robin, and then she pauses, like she’s thinking. Steve lets her. There’s a headache brewing in Steve’s temple, and the silence is nice, in a way.

“Well,” Robin starts up again. “I don’t think you’re weird, or messed up, and I definitely don’t hate you. We’ve seen bad things and bad people. And you’re not bad.”

“Well, I… if I’m not bad, or weird, for this, I don’t know what I am.” Steve can hardly believe how well Robin is taking this. It really shouldn’t surprise Steve at all, because Robin is so, so good, but this is something that Steve hates, and they’re usually a united front on that, when it really matters.

So… maybe Robin is right.

Robin climbs off of Steve, lays down next to Steve again. But instead of propping her legs up on the wall, like Steve for some goddamn reason is still doing, she curls next to Steve, facing Steve. Looking at Steve. Still holding Steve’s hands.

“We’ll figure it out.” She squeezes. Steve squeezes right back, and keeps the grip tight.

“Okay.”

They sit in silence, and Steve just… breathes. Tries to will the headache away; not happening, ugh. Drops the legs from the wall. Steve plays with Robin’s fingers, not even trying to process what had happened yet. That can wait til later.

After a few minutes, Robin speaks up again. “Are you okay with questions? If not, that’s fine.” And Steve knows she means it. She will totally drop it for the night and let them settle down and watch a movie or three. But Steve doesn’t really want that right now. Steve wants to stay in this space where, at least for now, what Steve is feeling is fine, and alright. Steve’s never had that before, for this.

“Yeah,” Steve says. “They’re okay.” Maybe they can do the figuring out thing right now. Maybe all of Steve’s problems will be solved tonight. Wouldn’t that be a relief? Robin pulls her hands away, and Steve hears the rasping of her shirt material being rubbed together between her fingers.

“So… do you want to be a girl?” The question doesn’t sound harsh leaving Robin’s mouth, but the words are heavy. It makes alarm bells ring in Steve’s head, forbidden question! Don’t think about it! Don’t think about it! Years of routine repression make it hard for Steve to even consider the question, but Steve tries. Slowly and agonizingly, Steve thinks about it. It genuinely takes a few minutes, but Robin can clearly sense that Steve is thinking about it, so she doesn’t interrupt. Steve loves her so much.

“Kinda,” Steve whispers. “It’s… I don’t know. Really. It’s stupid.”

“Nuh-uh. No stupid stuff right now. Just say how you feel.”

“I kinda wanna be half-girl. Like how I’m half-gay.” It feels stupid. It feels evil. It feels way too indulgent. Even in a perfect world, it’s one or the other. Steve can’t, like, hog them both. They cancel each other out. Right?

“Uh-huh?” Robin is prompting Steve to go on. Oh God.

“Um. Like. I still… like the guy parts of me, you know? I still like being a guy.” That feels really important to emphasize. Steve feels kind of insane, talking like this, actually getting Steve’s thoughts out into the real world. But Robin is still listening, no judgment. It kind of makes Steve want to cry again, but that would make the headache worse so, no thanks. “But I… I like the girl parts, too. I like when you call me Evie, but I don’t want you to stop calling me Steve.”

Steve can feel Robin shift, like she’s nodding. “Okay,” she says again.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. You can… you can be a half-girl, half-guy.” And it sounds simple and a little obscene, when she says it. Maybe not obscene. Maybe more like tantalizing.

“I don’t know,” Steve whispers. “Is that, like… allowed?”

Steve finally turns to look at Robin. Her eyes are big and full of thought. It feels stupid, thinking like that, but there’s nothing else to describe it. Steve can see the thoughts dancing around in her pupils and irises and whatever else is in an eye. It’s so beautiful. Steve loves her so much.

“... I think that you can do whatever you want,” Robin whispers back. “And be whatever you want.”

Steve’s face crumples, just a little bit. Not enough that it means tears, but enough to bring the idea to mind. Steve pinches Steve’s nose. “It can’t be that simple, though.”

Robin tilts her head in a way that can only be described as birdlike. She hates when people compare her to birds, just because of her name, but it fits right now, in the secrecy of Steve’s brain. She looks serious and intent. “Why not?”

“Nobody has ever done this before. I think.”

“Nobody that we know of. We live in Hawkins, Steve, we know like, 500 people. There are probably people in New York, or Chicago, or whatever, that feel exactly like you.”

Steve can’t reconcile with that. It feels so lonely, being like this. It feels inherently lonely.

“And even if you are the only one in the world that feels like this… Well, that’s fine! You can be whoever you want! Especially around me.” Robin grabs Steve’s hands in her own. Her hands are always so cold. Steve loves to hold them and feel them warm up bit by bit. It’s grounding, especially right now.

“I don’t want you to hide yourself. Not from me. I hid for so long, around everyone else, and it was killing me.” Robin’s eyes bore into Steve’s. “And I didn’t know it was killing me, but looking back, it’s like, wow, I was going to die.” Her voice cracks, just a little bit, and Steve makes an involuntary noise. Holds her hands just a little tighter. The warmth is already equalizing between them. “And, I don’t know. I don’t want you to get there. Or, if… you’re there already, I don’t want you getting any further.”

Sometimes it astounds Steve, just how much Robin gets things. This isn’t one of those times, though. It feels deeply right, and deeply sad.

“Alright,” Steve says.

“You won’t hide this from me? After this?”

A shake of the head. “No.” And it sounds so easy, promising this. Maybe it can be easy. Steve hopes it will be easy.

“I love you,” Robin says, and she pulls Steve into a hug. Steve melts into it. Robin gives very bony and kinda twitchy hugs, minute movements every few seconds, and Steve loves them. Robin, a while ago, maybe a couple months after Starcourt, had expressed anxiety about her hugs being ‘godawful uncomfortable,’ her words, but Steve had denied that fiercely. Her hugs were God’s gift to mankind, and if everyone else hated it, fine. More for Steve.

“I love you too,” Steve says into her chest.

They lapse into silence again. Steve thinks about asking for some water, but that would mean one or both of them leaving this room, and all possible configurations seem worse than the lack of water, right now. Steve presses closer into Robin.

“Another question.”

“Yeah?”

“So, you like Steve and Evie, and you’re a girl and a guy. Do you like he and she?”

There’s the dreaded question. Steve can’t hold back a groan. “I don’t know,” Steve says into her chest. “I’ve kinda, thought about it a bit, but… both of them feel weird, by themselves. I guess I like both, but only when they’re next to each other. I can’t really decide on one.”

Robin hums in consideration. “I mean, we’re making all this up as we go. If they don’t feel right by themselves, then why do they have to be by themselves?”

Steve thinks about it. “It feels like they’re supposed to cancel each other out,” Steve says, voicing a thought from earlier.

“They clearly don’t, at least in your case.” Robin presses her cheek to the top of Steve’s head, flattening the hair there. “Don’t think about how things should be. Think about what you want.”

What Steve wants. Okay.

He thinks about he. She thinks about she. And how, apart, they really only feel like half of himself, but together, they feel like they tell the whole story and show the whole picture.

Steve can’t help but think about those optical illusions Dustin had shown her a while back. The one with the two faces. If you concentrated, you see whichever one you wanted at will. And they seemed so opposed, yet so intertwined, and you couldn’t have one face without the other. Maybe he’s an optical illusion. It’s better than being evil.

“Okay. Yeah. Both are good.” Steve can feel Robin smile into her hair.

“Do you want me to use them both?”

Steve feels a flash of panic. “Um— augh. Not… not around other people, um, but—”

Robin squeezes him closer. “Oh, God, obviously!” she says, and Steve is so grateful that they’re on the same page, like, 90% of the time, and that this falls into that 90%. “I can sneak them into conversations between us. Pronouns don’t really pop up in conversations between two people, but maybe if we got a cat or a goldfish or a turtle I could talk to it about you in front of you. Or is that weird? Hm. It might be weird.”

Steve can’t help the smile dawning on her face. Maybe everything will be okay. “It’s kinda weird. But we should do it anyway.”

Robin laughs, and Steve still has his face buried in her chest, so he can feel it. “Yeah,” she says fondly. “I guess that hasn’t stopped us before.”

#steve harrington #robin buckley #stobin #trans steve harrington #genderqueer steve harrington #bigender steve harrington #stranger things #little by little. everyone will believe in my vision of bigender steve #and okay this wasn't really 'edited' or whatever the kids are saying these days but thats fine i'm still proud of this :) #i just love them so much <3 steve and robin figuring things out... #do not know how to write them without having a sappy ending its kinda just inherent in the stobin of it all #anyway ENJOYYYY me and my girlfriend are gonna go out and have a date day :) #quincy.txt #my fics

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

Are you still active on tumblr?

YES I am!! Sorry friends for dropping off the face of the earth, I got a job and I had to move and it was a lot. But I am less stressed now and I hope I can get back to posting more regularly!! I really missed it (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

I will never leave tumblr because there is no other place on the internet where I can tell people that 80% of the time when I try to introduce myself to someone in the office that I haven’t met yet I get so focused on smiling and holding eye contact that I forget the part where I actually have to introduce myself (°□°)

#HELLO FRIENDS #how are you!! I missed you! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ #I hope you all had a good summer!! #mine was very nice even though there was a lot of stress and new things happening #suddenly there were so many adult things in my life that at the end of the day I just sat on the couch and watched decorating shows #I love decorating shows but today they showed this decorating competition and one woman had to decorate her whole bedroom coral #and then I knew it was time to go back #friends I've done so many new things the past few weeks!! I've really underestimated what this new chapter of my life would be like #it's very nice and I'm glad but I've never thought about things like insurance and taxes and parallel parking before #and I'm in a new apartment and everything!! ✧⁺⸜(●′▾‵●)⸝⁺✧ #it is a very good apartment but the landlord left us so many of their chairs #this does not sound like a problem but we also owned chairs before #so our chair number is doubled now #the kitchen is full of chairs the balcony is full of chairs #I've hidden two chairs behind the TV but I can still see their chair heads and then I feel bad because they do not deserve this #they should be roaming free #also rode a BIKE #they say you never forget how to ride a bike #but my secret is that I never really knew how to ride one #in Germany all students have to do a bicyle test in fourth grade and I was so bad that my teacher asked me #afterwards if I had tried to confuse the other students #I just said 'uh yes' and then he said ok and I passed with the worst bicyle grade of the whole school #I hade made 8 bicyle mistakes #I hope you're doing well friends!! see you soon!! #have a nice day :)

[woozapooza]

favorite character per show 26/∞: The Sopranos → Jennifer Melfi (Lorraine Bracco)

#The Sopranos #sopranosedit #thesopranosedit #Jennifer Melfi #Lorraine Bracco #x #my gifs #favepershow #tremendous strength of will and inner resource #I WOULD DIE FOR HER I WOULD KILL FOR HER I WOULD GO TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH FOR HER I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER #she is SO incredibly important to me she is one of THE absolute greatest characters ever invented #in fact I'm honestly not sure I've ever loved a character more than I love her #and there are VERY few characters I've ever loved as much as I love her #how many times did I cry while making this gifset? mind your own business. #how many times did I say 'god she's so gorgeous' while making this gifset? literally countless. #100

[thesherrinfordfacility]

the thing that is actually making me giddy with the possible angst is that i really think that we are about to see the most monumental shift in not only how we saw these characters but also how they previously saw each other.

the fact that we literally now have confirmation that a) they knew each other before the fall, b) aziraphale has had heart eyes since before time began, and c) crowley... possibly not so much, completely changes the context on not just the eden scene but also all the historic scenes that followed.

aziraphale knew crowley as an angel, and knew even then when crowley was meant to be 'perfect' that crowley was maybe a bit different, always asking questions and toeing the line. maybe out of a bit of bastardy himself, or out of begrudging awe of his ability but also his audacity, or just plain attraction, aziraphale immediate takes to him. but this has meant that aziraphale has placed crowley, perhaps unconsciously, upon a pedestal. and the pedestal that aziraphale puts crowley on from that moment may have wobbled throughout their history together, but it's stayed relatively intact.

this worries me, that aziraphale may not have quite let go of the fact that crowley just isn't that person any more, maybe never was to begin with, and continues in some measure to idolise him. my interpretation of this is that yes, crowley can be a bit of a dick (because, well, obviously) and aziraphale knows this, has done since the beginning, but aziraphale continues to hold crowley to an overall moral ideal that is so firmly ensconced in aziraphale's first perception of him as an angel that crowley will never be able to live up to it. not because he isn't a nice person, or because he can't live up to it, but maybe... he just simply doesn't want to.

but the issue is that throughout the ages (including the job minisode which ive had corrected for me, so Crowley Anger is now simply simmering), crowley's actions have only reinforced to aziraphale that despite being technically a demon, he has a huge heart and is not a horrible person. bit of a bastard, but not cruel. all of this just feeds and feeds into this image of crowley that aziraphale has built of him, and when crowley has his flashes of, in fact, not being honourable or kind, this threatens to upset the pedestal altogether.

these wobbly moments - when he thinks crowley is going to kill the children, when crowley snaps at him in rome, when crowley first proposes the arrangement, the prospect that he came up with the french revolt, the holy water request, the bandstand, "how can someone as clever as you be so stupid?"... moments where just for a second, in a small or huge measure, aziraphale's faith in crowley... flickers.

and of course aziraphale has been here before, right? he's had his faith, his devotion, his loyalty tested to the absolute limit of angelic endurance. so when his faith in heaven (never lost it in god) was obliterated, well - it had to cling to something. something that wouldnt mean that aziraphale has to lose the concept of faith altogether. so we're back to the old standby of idolatry, that aziraphale's heavenly faith is replaced by his faith in crowley, this angel that despite never originally giving aziraphale the time of day, aziraphale cannot see - for all of crowley's faults and bastardy and the frustration he poses - crowley as anything less than something to be worshipped.

this is exactly why i think that one of the main points of s2 is going to be a rift between them both. obviously i haven't talked about crowley's perspective of this and maybe i will in another post, but i do think that crowley is going to do something, a bad thing for the right reasons, but aziraphale isn't going to see it like that. that crowley will do something awful to protect aziraphale, but all aziraphale will be able to see is the betrayal or the cruelty or the despair, he can't see wood for the trees, and just lose that last vestige of faith he had altogether.

i feel like once all the disillusion and disenchantment has been swept away, and they're both laid bare at each other's feet... that they may not quite like what they find. from aziraphale's perspective, that whatever crowley does in s2 might be crossing aziraphale's line in the sand, and now aziraphale is starting to see crowley as someone that is truly grey, fluctuating between doing things that are Good, and things that are Good for Crowley.

and it's not as if aziraphale was blind to this before, but instead now... he kind of finally sees who crowley is? who he has been all along? the film has lifted from his eyes. realises that love and worship are not the same thing. what he loves, who he loves, doesn't equate to worshipping it/them, idolising them. there's a very big difference that echoes down to the very core tenet of who aziraphale is and his experiences with having and losing faith, but love having remained.

so stripped of the pedestal, crowley is now just simply... crowley. a person, not an angel, not a demon. and there is the distinct possibility that aziraphale might be completely blindsided by what he finds.

#good omens #good omens season 2 #ill let you in on a secret - no idea where i was going with this #but what im essentially saying is that aziraphale has this shiny picture of crowley in his head and heart #and when crowley continues to do crowley things aziraphale kinda steps back and is like #“huh... has it been this was all along?” #and if I'm wrong well honestly THANK GOD #but i feel like there is going to be a real reckoning at the end of s2 where faith and love is concerned #that the two are very different but aziraphale kinda confuses the two #anyway #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens... speculation? Sure why not #not a shitpost but its good omens babyyyy #im saying theyre in somewhat of a toxic and disillusioned relationship and its likely going to (temporarily) end v badly im afraid #rhi needs to stop manifesting

[starbylers]

M*levens will say Will’s love for Mike is ‘just a crush’ or that ‘he can/will get over it’ whereas El’s love for Mike is real and true and deep, too strong for her to possibly move on from…while in the same breath try and claim Will’s words/feelings in the van also belong to El. Make it make sense 🙂 they'll say Will's feelings = El's feelings to explain why the monologue is valid even though Will was the driving force behind it, but then turn around and say Will's feelings ≠ El's feelings which is why he'll move on but El can't, and why El’s love for him is deeper and why she‘s better for him. It's a total paradox.

#byler #anti mileven #to claim El shares Will’s feelings means you're conceding that Will is also too in love with Mike to fall out of it #meaning he wouldn't get his happy ending but we know it's confirmed that he will #so Will's happy ending which is CONFIRMED logically rests on him being able to get over Mike #but if El is truly deeply in love with Mike #that means Will must be too (or M*leven’s logic for the monologue - 'those were also El feelings in the van' - falls apart) #meaning he’s not getting over Mike #or by extension ending up happy #but that’s factually incorrect so if we back it up that must mean El and Will don’t share feelings #because it’s the only scenario that allows for Will to move on and have his CONFIRMED happy ending #but hang on because them not sharing feelings means those words in the van? Those only apply to Will #meaning the monologue - a response to 'El's feelings' - is going to come crumbling down next season #do I sound crazy or do you get what I'm getting at #deductive reasoning says Byler endgame

[kandavers]

you have that one amazingly angsty drawing of radioapple. It’s the one where Luci says “you can break my heart, it’s only yours to break” or something like that and alastor admits that they are only in a relationship because he has ulterior motives. What are his motives?

btw it literally made me SOB. Love your art sm <3

Oh, to be completely honest I did not think that far! I just wanted to project HAHAHA

If I were to think of something on the spot, said "motive" would probably be: he wants to Take Over Hell, and what better way to do that than to strike the Ruler himself?

...something like that. Not very set on it, but yeah!

#alastor wouldnt have told #lucifer he had ult motives if he didnt care about him even a little bit #kanrambles #ask #radioapple #secret story in the tags #when i was with my disgusting ex i said the same thing lucifer did. #oh how i was so madly in love with him. #sadly for my case he *did* ruthlessly break my heart. #i might even say my heart was shattered! #so that angst comic was just me going “what if he just told me he was going to hurt me? would i feel any better about it?” #that comic ended on a sliiiightly hopeful note too because some people in the reply said #so yeah! #i'm hopeful too #i'm not evil #i dont want lucifer to go through the same hurt i did. #sometimes i thank god that im not depressed or else that would have been the last youve seen of me tbh 💀 #alastor and lucifer will continue to love one another #they'll get the love i deserved but never got :')