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#ITS JUST SO ? THE CONSTANT LOVE AND SUPPORT ON SOCIAL MEDIA...
thatbitchery · 4 months
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Ladies the trick to success is to make it quite literally impossible to fail. Make it so that failure requires effort & success is the matter of natural course. I'll say this until you get it- success isn't a question of milestones, it's a question of systems. You are where you are because your current systems support that, change it and see if nothing changes.
So if you want to look elegant and classy donate all the clothes & shoes you have that don't look elegant & classy- then how will you look dusty? Even if you wanted to look dusty, how would you do that??? When the option isn't there?? Take away the option for failure so that you must work hard to fail. If you have no sugars or processed foods in your house then you literally have to leave and pay to be unhealthy. If you only listen to calming, positive music genuinely where will constant anxiety come from. If you don't even have social media how will you get addicted to it? You have to exert effort to be. Girl if you don't even have his number how will you call him? If you focus during class how will you fail? Literally how will you fail. How will that happen? If you have no alcohol in your house how will you get drunk? You must leave and pay for it, right? If you're eating right and getting your vitamin balance in check how high are the chances for diseases? Acne? Hormonal imbalances? Weight issues? Automimmune diseases? Mood swings? Like yes it can happen but let's talk statistics, how high are the chances?
The easiest path to success is to not even give failure a chance. Like, instead of working so hard to succeed you must work hard to fail. Success, love, is a consequence of systems- a matter of natural course- you're eating right so you look and feel great- a natural consequence. A matter of rather obvious course. You're studying so you pass. Matter of course. You buy the right clothes so you just always look put together, like always. Obviously. What other choice do you have? All your friends are girlbosses so obviously you're a girlboss? Duh. Literally what other choice is there? Even if you wanted to fail the choice to isn't there, and although the chance is never zero it can be beautifully close to zero, that's the goal.
Success is a matter of systems, love. Not milestones. You set in place systems whose consequences are what you want. Like if your study system is great genuinely how will you fail?
Take away the option to easily fail, that's the goal. Set systems that have literally no choice but to get you where you want, as a natural consequence rather than goals you're trying to superficially impose. Its not milestones, it's systems. Its- habits. Routines. Systems. Make some that make failure hard to get.
Success is seamless, love. Let it be.
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vanishingcherry · 1 year
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GRADUATION + HATE + LOVE
this is a social media au based on an anon request sent to @silverstonesainz, who left it open for someone else to make.
i hope you don't mind that i made it instead anon, enjoy! (sorry the name's kinda stupid my brain isn't working)
masterlist
๑ ⋆˚₊⋆────ʚ˚ɞ────⋆˚₊⋆ ๑
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liked by yourbff, charlesleclerc, lilymhe and 245 others
yourusername lil photodump
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lilymhe so so pretty
↳ yourusername marry me
↳ alex_albon thats my girlfriend
↳ yourusername not for long
yourfriend love youu
↳ liked by yourusername
charlesleclerc ❤️❤️❤️
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liked by charlesleclerc, carlossainz55, yourfriend and 283 others
yourusername dinner dates by the sea
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carlossainz55 so thats where charles ran off to after the meetings
↳ yourusername yes and?
yourbff SO CUTE
charlesleclerc pizza
↳ yourusername yummy 🍕
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liked by scuderiaferrari, carlosainz55, yourusername and 1,249,587 others
charlesleclerc congratulations to yn for graduating oxford! so so proud! je t'aime ❤️
view all 12,804 comments
yourusername thank you amore ❤️
↳ charlesleclerc te amo
f1fan YAYY CONGRATULATIONS YN!
charlesfan1 its weird cause hes so publicly supportive of yn but ive never seen yn publicly support charles
↳ f1fan5 i know right? ive never seen her tweet or talk about him in the paddock
charleseclair she studied at OXFORD?!
hamiltonsroscoe OH MY GOD WHY AM I JUST FINDING OUT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND
yourfriend congratulations!!
↳ liked by yourusername
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liked by scuderiaferrari, yourusername, landonorris and 2,924,857 others
charlesleclerc recently it has come to my notice that some of the fans have been sending hate to yn and making hurtful comments.
yn is one of the most beautiful people in my life, and I am extremely lucky to have her. she deserves the entire world and it hurts not only her, but me too when I see the messages that she has been receiving.
she is absolutely perfect for me and I love her with all my heart. we have mutually chosen to keep our relationship private, and ask that you respect that. if you were one of the people who sent the hate, know that supporting me means supporting the people I love as well.
@.yourusername je t'aime toujours
comments on this post have been disabled
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You woke up to the constant sound of notifications coming from your phone. Rubbing your bleary eyes, you try and lean back in an attempt to reach the side table, stopped only by the tightening of the arms around your waist.
"Go back to sleep". Charles's voice is muffled, only part of his face visible with the rest smushed against the pillow. "Its too early."
Smiling softly, you lift his arm from your body. He groans, eyes opening to look up at you.
"Theres a lot of notifications amour", you explain. "I need to check what it is."
Rolling his eyes in defeat, he lets go of you, letting you pick up your phone and open twitter to see why so many people were talking about you.
Eyebrows furrowing in confusion, you see many people mentioning a post that Charles had supposedly posted last night. Looking over to him, you ask.
"Did you post something on Instagram yesterday?"
"Huh? Oh yeah." He doesn't bother elaborating, choosing to instead let his head fall back on the pillow, closing his eyes to block out the light.
Chuckling at his reaction, you switch to the Instagram app. Immediately met with 4 different pictures of yourself, you scroll down and read Charles's caption. Sighing when you realise he too had seen the tweets, you put your phone away, lying back down to face him.
"You didn't have to post that amour."
"I wanted to. They were being mean to you." he replies without a second of hesitation. "Je t'aime, d'accord? They have it all wrong, it is me who doesn't deserve you."
Nodding, you reply. "Thank you."
You snuggle closer to him, tucking your head underneath his own. You feel him press a small kiss to your forehead before once again pulling you in, his grip keeping you from moving.
Softly, you whisper. "Je t'aime toujours aussi."
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liked by alex_albon, charlesleclerc, yourbff and 214 others
yourusername mon amour
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juleswrites223 · 2 months
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Midnight Rain 𓍲⋆˙⟡ᡣ𐭩
Carlos Sainz x Reader
Context: Your father does not think Carlos is good enough for you and you slowly realise you don't belong in his glamorous world of F1 and fame.
a/n: uff been in an angst mood lately. Yes I did the iconic fleabag scene. This was rushed af but enjoy.
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Carlos never experienced love with such intensity. He was pretty sure he was going to marry you, have cute kids with you and eventually die by your side.
So when you wanted to break up, it hit him like a truck. Yeah you guys had your ups and downs but you truly loved each, even the media could see how much your relationship with Carlos was different than all his other relationships. Carlos showed you affection in public hell he even hard launched your relationship and constantly showed you off on his social media.
“Amor I just don’t get it. Please tell me why.” Carlos begged, clearly on the verge of crying.
The desperation in his voice was evident, his heart hurt so badly. He knew that this couldn’t be your decision and he had already suspected you father may be behind this. When he first met your parents, your father outright showed his distaste towards your boyfriend while your mother still tried to be subtle but you knew they didn’t think he was good enough for you (after all they heard stuff about Carlos being a cheater.)
Being born into a wealthy and famous family, you were used to the constant spotlight on you since you were young. Your mother, a really famous actress and your father, a businessman with a net worth of over a billion dollars meant that you were under constant scrutiny of the media whether it was for being a “spoiled brat” simply for not wanting the paparazzi to take pictures of you as you left your school or for having it “easy” and dating an F1 driver.
“Carlos please we have to break up. I’m so sorry.” You said as tears fell out of your eyes like pearls.
You hated yourself in this moment, looking at Carlos’ face made it worse. You had only seen Carlos cry twice the entire time we were in a relationship with him and now was the third in which you were the one who caused him pain.
"I love you." He croaked.
"It'll pass." You whispered.
You always felt out of place in Carlos’ world. You were used to the media and paparazzi but dating an F1 driver was a different kind of media frenzy. You love Carlos but you’re not so sure you belong in his world. The world seems to think you’re a distraction for Carlos from his career. You don’t want to believe these people but you start to see it.
As much as it pained you (& him) to breakup, you know you had to. Carlos needs to focus on his career first, its his childhood dream while you are just a girlfriend. It killed you to break up with him, it killed you when your father set you up with some rich bachelor and it completely shattered your heart when you attended one final race only to support Carlos and he was P1, putting on fake smiles yet his eyes showed sadness.
His eyes catch yours in the crowd and so many words are spoken, just between you and him. He was sunshine while you were the midnight rain.
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pickingupmymercedes · 23 days
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Hiii I love your writing so much!! I was wondering if you can make a Lewis x reader where she has some type of chronic illness and one day she gets a really bad flare up and he takes care of her :)
If you’re not comfortable or don’t feel like writing it you can ignore this ask :)
Hi love, of course! I did a shortish one-shot
Btw, I chose eczema because my beautiful best friend has battled it a good chunk of her teen years and I'm so incredibly and forever proud of the amazing woman she's become, and how she continously lifts other people even when she doesn't have to . Love you H.
Warnings: description of eczema
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The sun dipped below the horizon, casting hues of orange and pink across the sky. In the serene twilight, Lewis Hamilton sat by the window, watching the Melbourne lights twinkle like distant stars. His thoughts drifted to the upcoming Japanese Grand Prix, the anticipation of this week off tingling in the air. But amidst the excitement, a sense of worry gnawed at him.
Beside him, you lay on the couch, curled up in discomfort. The gentle hum of the evening enveloped the room, but your soft whimpers cut through the tranquility. Lewis glanced at you, concern etched on his features.
"Are you okay, love?" he asked, his voice laced with worry.
You managed a weak nod, but the pain etched on your face betrayed your words. Lewis sighed softly, his heart heavy with concern. He knew all too well the toll your chronic illness took on you, especially during flare-ups.
Your eczema, a constant companion in your life, often made its presence known at the most inconvenient times. Lewis had witnessed the struggles you faced; the silent battles fought behind closed doors. Yet, through it all and much to your comfort, he remained steadfast by your side.
That night, however, your flare-up seemed particularly severe. Lewis could see the discomfort etched in every line of your face. Gently, he knelt beside you, his touch feather-light as he brushed a stray lock of hair from your forehead. "I'll take care of you, darling," he murmured softly, his voice a soothing melody in the dimly lit room.
Despite his assurances, you couldn't shake the feeling of shame that enveloped you. The raw, red patches on your legs, a stark reminder of your condition, made you feel vulnerable and exposed. The thought of facing the world, especially at the upcoming Grand Prix, filled you with dread.
Lewis sensed your inner turmoil – it was a place your mind tended to take you – his heart aching at the sight of your distress. With a tender smile, he reached for your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. "You don't have to hide, love," he whispered, his voice a gentle reassurance. "You're beautiful, just as you are."
Days passed, and the Japanese Grand Prix loomed ever closer. The excitement in the air was palpable, anticipation crackling like electricity. But amidst the flurry of preparations, you couldn't shake the lingering doubt if you should go at all. As the day of the race dawned, nerves fluttered in your stomach like a restless butterfly. The thought of facing the world, your eczema on full display, filled you with dread.
Regardless, you made your way to the track, the air alive with the roar of engines and the buzz of the crowd. Amidst the sea of faces, Lewis's support anchored you, a steady presence in the tumultuous sea of life.
The days following the Grand Prix went as usual. Another Mercedes bad weekend, the headlines filled with the dread of how they would bounce back, but amidst the bad press, a simple message on social media caught your eye, touching your heart in a profound way.
In a picture of you and Lewis, taken during the Grand Prix, was accompanied by a heartfelt caption.
"I've always been ashamed of my eczema, hiding it away from the world. But seeing [Your Name] embracing her skin and being open about her struggles gives me hope. Thank you for showing me that it's okay to be myself, flaws and all. 💖 #EczemaWarrior #TrueBeauty"
Tears welled in your eyes as you read the heartfelt words, the impact of your openness suddenly crashing you, the realization that your journey could inspire and empower others was almost overwhelming.
With a trembling hand, you liked the post and replied with a heartfelt message of your own. "Thank you for your beautiful words. You are strong and beautiful just as you are. Never be afraid to show it. 💖"
The outpouring of support and encouragement that followed was overwhelming, a testament to the power of authenticity and vulnerability. Messages from fans around the world flooded your notifications, each one echoing the hope you felt.
However, amidst the sea of positivity, a few photographers at the Grand Prix had been less than kind. Their whispered comments and mocking glances hadn't gone unnoticed, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.
One evening, as you sat in Lewis’ lap in his home back in Monaco, he turned to you with a gentle expression, his eyes filled with concern.
You looked into his eyes, seeing the genuine care and love reflected in his gaze. Taking a deep breath, you squeezed his hand reassuringly.
"You don't have to talk about your eczema just because people are noticing it, you know. You owe them nothing" he said softly, his voice filled with compassion. "I just want you to be happy and comfortable."
"I want to do this, Lew" you said, your voice steady with conviction. "I was the kid embarrassed of it, hiding it away from the world. Other kids need to know they have no reason to be ashamed. If sharing my story can help even one person feel less alone, it's worth it."
Lewis's eyes softened, a proud smile gracing his lips as he nodded in understanding. "You’re so brave, babe.” he whispered, pulling you close. "I’m forever proud of you”.
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cartierdreamx · 11 months
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MY (SECRET)ARY (18+)
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hi my sweet babies! hope you’re well, i couldn’t sleep (i woke up at 2am and now it’s nearly 8), i just wanted to write so here’s a lil sum before DTF ch3!! i hope you enjoy, J <333 
Pairings: jenna ortega x fem! Reader
Warnings: smut (fingering, eating out), swearing, angst. 
Summary: you love her, but you can’t be her secret anymore. 
Words: 4k+ 
This fic is STRICTLY 18+, as it involves adult themes, minors DNI, you are responsible for your own social media intake, which includes reading entertainment which this fic falls under, so one last warning- this fic is 18+. Thank you!
~~
You imagined yourself at a whole bunch of places on a Friday night, clubbing, bar hopping, doing an assignment, but mostly, you imagined yourself laying in bed with your soft and fluffy blanket providing you comfort accompanied by sour gummy worms and whatever take out you craved that night. What you didn’t imagine, couldn’t even begin to imagine from the sheer insanity of your situation, was your tongue sliding down Jenna Ortega’s throat.
“I missed you.” Your girlfriend moaned in between kisses, and she did, with her busy work schedule and your constant load of college assignments, seeing her was a blessing these days. It wasn’t always like this though, a year ago, she would always have time for you and when she didn’t, she would make time for you, she promised that you were always going to be her number 1, no matter what. But a year ago, she wasn’t America’s number 1 IT girl with nearly 41 million followers on Instagram and a billion more views on each of her movies and TV shows, so as a result, you hold your breath to see if she kept that promise.
“Mhmhm, prove it.” You whisper seductively into her ear, knowing it would get her all worked up.
“Your wish is my command.” There was a slight mischief in her tone, you were sure your legs would have difficulty walking tomorrow.
The smaller girl moves to your neck and paints them with hickeys, making sure not to miss a spot, whilst slowly climbing on top of you and pushing you down. They was ironic, the hickeys, hickeys were a sign of being marked, that you belonged to somebody, and whilst you did belong to her, you love her with your entire being, there was doubt ruminating in your mind if she was yours, it wasn’t a cheating thing, or maybe it is, you don’t know anymore, how could you? You barely see her; it seems like you’re dating a myth. As much as you want it to be, your relationship isn’t public, in the beginning she was so excited to claim you as hers, you both wanted to wait a bit before telling the world, but just before it could happen, her new found fame got to her, so she wanted to wait some more. You understood though, and you were so happy for her, you were, and you still are her number one supporter. There was a beauty in her past her pulchritude, the same one you fell in love with, the same one the whole world fell in love with.
“Fuck, Jen, that feels so good.” Praising out as she reaches the inside of your thighs.
“Look at you, we’ve barely started yet your heat is radiating from your pussy and your slick is seeping through your panties. She snarks and she bites the side of your underwear pulling it down and taking it off with her bare teeth, the sight of her kneeling in front your bent knees whilst you laid down, your red panties hanging from her mouth like a predator waiting to eat their prey awakened some hunger in you, you tsk and took the garment from her mouth, tossing it to the floor.
Without hesitation, she dives down with her tongue and makes moves at your folds, moving her way to your clit, she could feel it pulsate as if it had a heartbeat of its own. “Jesus, y-yes, yes, keep going.” You moan.
Jenna giggles at your messes, “ououo close, but my name is Jenna.” She lets out, trying to be smart, you roll your eyes at her comment, but you can’t help the smile that forms on your face. As she continues, making every part of your pussy feel love, your moans grew, it wouldn’t be surprising if your neighbours filled a noise complaint after this. Jenna inserts two fingers into your vagina, making you buck down with a subconscious gasp leaving your mouth which only turned Jenna on even more, she knew your weak spots and she knew how to make you cum hard and fast. With every slither her fingers made, she licked alongside your folds and as she curled her fingers up, touching your g-spot, she would attack your clit, resulting in the loudest moans she had ever heard.
“That’s my good girl.” She mumbles into you.
“Jen, I-I-I.” Not being able to form a coherent sentence, she took that ability away from you every time you two had sex.
“You’re close? You want to cum? Is that what baby is trying to say?”
“Y-yes, OH GOD, yes.”
“Cum for me, y/n, cum for me, baby.”
You buckle down your hips once more, feeling a tightness in your stomach waiting to be released, you were so close, you were going to cum in a matter of seconds, “Fuck, Jenna, don’t stop, I’m close.” You somehow found a way to speak a full sentence. And with one more hook up to your g-spot and one more suck to your clit, your orgasm crashes hard. You lock your legs around your girl’s neck as she helped you ride it out, devouring all of your juices as you released it.
Once you both were done, she collapses next to you, both of you guys panting, “wow, maybe you did miss me.” You let out in between pants, making Jenna laugh, “told you, come one lets get you cleaned up and ready for bed.” She kisses you and guides you to the bathroom.
~~
As everyone starts their day, you were just waking up, the busy sounds of sonder from the city beneath your apartment slowly wakes you up, making you groan but the giggles from your wide-awake girlfriend fully woke you up, only making you groan more.
“Good morning, princess.” Jenna kisses your forehead.
“Good morning.” You mumble as your face was planted down onto your pillow. As you steady yourself up, reciprocating a forehead kiss, you admit “I’m surprise you’re still here.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Her eyebrow scrunches.
“Would’ve thought your actor friends would have whisked you away by now.”
“Y/n…”
“I’m just teasing, Jen,” although on the inside, you knew you meant it, you didn’t want to lie to her, but you didn’t want to risk losing this state of euphoria you guys are in, not knowing when the next time would be. “Let’s go for a walk today.” You offer up.
“I don’t know.” Jenna, sounding hesitant.
“Come on, it’s a beautiful day.” You plead.
A soft smile directs its way towards you, “okay.” Your heart warms, maybe you were starting to get her back.
As you leave your apartment lobby, you can’t help but giggle to yourself as you found yourself struggling to walk a bit, making your statement right last night. Jenna decided to dress herself in all black, down to her adidas, finding it just a bit ironic as it resembled one of Wednesday’s outfits. “Wow, a real-life Wednesday Addams.” You tease, making your eyes squint as you giggle, “oh shut up.” She exclaims, sarcastically. As the two of you take in the fresh in some more, you see a group of girls a head of you, their faces lighting up, which can only mean one thing, they noticed Jenna. “Hey, just a heads up, you have a group of teenage girls who are just about to run up to you.” You were used to this, you found it cute, you were also used to the paparazzi, luckily there wasn’t any around today, making your walk more enjoyable, there were times when the media speculated who you were to her, but everyone just brushed it off as you two weren’t doing anything a couple would do. As they bolt towards the two of you, you see a familiar face past one of their heads, making it out to be a friend from school.
Oh my God, you’re Jenna Ortega! They all squeal.
The one and only. She smiles at them. 
We are all big fans, we love your shows and movies so much, we were wondering if we could have your autograph and take pictures? We know there’s a few of us, so we understand if you can’t.
No, no, I’ll be more than happy to!
Thank you so much!!
As Jenna starts, one of the girls gathers up enough courage to say hi to you, which only drew the rest of the girls’ attention to you.
Hi! I’m so sorry, we forgot to ask your name!
Her little gesture warmed your heart.
It’s no problem! I’m y/n, I’m Jenna’s fr-.
But before you could finish the sentence, Jenna cuts you off, hearing some panic in her voice.
Secretary. Y/n is my secretary.
This claim broke your heart, she had no reason to be scared that you would out her and go public with your relationship, but the fact that she cut you off and claimed you were her secretary, and not even friend, you begin to think you were losing more of her by the second.
I’m Jenna’s secretary, you guys are so cute, I love your outfits!
Thank you! You’re really pretty by the way.
Thank you! Look, I’ll leave you guys to do this, I’m just going to head down the street and say hi to a friend.
It was nice meeting you! They all say in unison.
You guys too!
In the blink of an eye, you smile at them, ignoring Jenna, who to any ordinary person, she looked fine, happy even, but if you had looked, you would have seen the slight annoyance in her facial expressions.
As you leave them be, you see your friend still in the same spot, waiting for his coffee. “Is that Iverson I see?” Walking up to him with a huge smile, “Y/N!” He embraces you and after the whole secretary fiasco, this was exactly what you needed.
“Out getting coffee?” You try to make conversation, trying to distract yourself from the stabbing ache in your heart.
“Yeah! This isn’t my favourite spot, but the coffee is good at least.”
As Jenna finishes up her last autograph and photos, she sees the interaction and can’t control that pitiful feeling of jealousy aching her heart, funny enough, you two sharing that same pain but different causes. She didn’t know who this guy was, you never mentioned him, and seeing him hug you the way he did and seeing that childish gaze he directed at you like a child at an ice cream shop, jealousy was bound to make an appearance.
“Where’s your favourite then?”
“The coffee shop next to campus, their beans are so rich and aromatic! I have to take you there some time.”
You giggle at his expressions as he gets excited over coffee, “sure, I’ve been meaning to go there.”
All of a sudden, you feel a hand on your shoulder, making you jump as it caught you off guard, you whip your head around and see that it’s Jenna, done with her fan engagement. She wanted to do more than touch your shoulder, she wanted to wrap her arms around your waist, kiss you in front of him, in front of the world, she wanted him to know you were hers.
“OH! Jenna, this is Iverson, a friend from school, Iverson, this is Jenna, well, I’m sure you know who Jenna is.”
He laughs, “haha, yes I do, nice to meet you.” He puts out his hand, which Jenna accepts.
“Yeah, likewise.”
“Look, I need to get going, but you two have a good day and y/n, let me know about the coffee, yeah?”
“Yeah, of course! I’ll see you around.” You smile at him as he walks off, he wanted to give you another hug but the way Jenna was leering him down, he analysed it wasn’t safe to do so.
“What’s this about coffee?”
“Just asked me to go get coffee with him.”
“Mhmhm.”
“Jenna.” You spit out, you know this tone of hers, she was jealous, even though she had no reason to be jealous, she was, you found it funny at times though, but this wasn’t one of those times.
“What? I think he’s cute, the way he looks at you is even cuter.” She tried to be playful, but you could hear the spite in her voice.
“What way?”
“Like he wants you.” She shrugs.
“Are you seriously jealous right now?”
“That depends, does he know you have a girlfriend.”
“Do they know you have a girlfriend? Or am I still your secretary.”
“It was an accident, y/n, drop it.”
“Drop it?” You were shocked at her words; how could you drop it? First, she introduces you as a secretary, not even a friend, and next she’s all jealous over your friend. You sigh, not wanting to fight her. “Okay, fine, but I’m going back home, you don’t have to come with.”
“What happened to, it’s a beautiful day.” 
“Not anymore.” And with such haste, you head towards the direction you came from placing your headphones and blasting your music at full volume, not looking at your girlfriend once, but if you did you would have seen her get a call.
Back at your apartment, you had enough time to wallow in your sorrows, she left you alone for 30 minutes and then you heard the doors unlock, using the extra key you gave her, you wanted to apologize, though nothing was your fault, it was easier than fighting, and you didn’t want to lose her completely over such a little thing; she was already slipping away, you couldn’t afford to lose her anymore than you already have.
“Hey.” You glance at her with an apologetic smile.
“Hi.” Was all that she could give you, fair enough, maybe you deserved it, but you notice her packing her things, “where you headed to?”
“Wednesday cast wants to meet up and go over season 2.”
“Oh, okay, can we talk before you go?”
She groans, making you regret your feelings of being apologetic, “not now, y/n, I’ll be back later, we can talk then.”
That later never came.
~~
You decided to wait for her because going to bed angry was never your thing, and going to bed angry at her was something you promised yourself you would never do, but as your eyes started drooping, you called it quits and went to bed. When you woke, you half expected her to be laying in bed next to you, snoring softly as you admired her beauty, but a simple stretch of your arms confirmed you were wrong. Instead, you woke up to Jenna posting a picture of her and Emma being all cuddly, with the caption of her admiration. Some part of you was jealous, why couldn’t she easily post you like that, and she knew how all of this made you feel, but she dismissed it all the time, reassuring she’s all yours and that at the end of the day, she comes home to you, but she didn’t come home last night. Most of you felt betrayed, especially when you saw the thousands of people hyping them up and shipping them together, along with her castmates.
You try calling her but straight to voicemail, you couldn’t help but leave her about 10 voicemails about calling you back and left 100 more messages, and to no surprise, she leaves you on read. During the day, you try to occupy yourself by finishing up some school work but by 6pm, you had enough, making the decision to head over to Jenna’s house.
As you pull up, you notice the array of cars in her driveway, all the pieces coming to you now, the cast had gone back to Jenna’s and stayed the night, and this so called hang out is still going on, you contemplated driving away, but it was now or never. As you knock on the door, Emma opens the door, taking you by surprise.
“Uh, can I help you.” Emma looks at you, confused.
“Is Jenna home?”
“Yeah- who are you?” Emma has no idea who you are, you’re not surprised, with you being a secret.
“Y/n?” Jenna speaks from the back, stepping up to you as Emma falls back, “what are you doing here?”
“I wanted to talk.”
“Now isn’t the time, y/n.”
“I see that.”
“No, no, Jen, it’s fine.” A voice from the back shouts out, it hits that the laughter had died down so they could listen to the conversation you two were having.
“Is that, is that Gwendoline Christie?”
“Sure is.” She winks at you.
“Hi, I’m so sorry for interrupting.”
“No, it’s okay, honey, this seems important, we’ll leave you guys to talk.”
“Thank you.” You flash apologetic eyes at her.
“Hey, it’s no problem, and don’t you dare feel sorry about this either.”
You took a step to the side and let everyone walk past you, who were all nice enough to smile at you and say hi before they left. Once all the cars in the driveway had left, you followed Jenna inside.
“So, what is it?”
“We need to talk.”
“About?” Her obliviousness killed you, but you couldn’t lash out on her.
“Us. About everything.”
“What’s there to talk about?”
“Let me start off with the fact that no one knows who I am, not as a person, but as your girlfriend, seriously Jenna we’ve been together for more than a year and not even your closest friends know?” You spat out.
“I just like to keep that life private; I don’t see the problem.” She retaliates.
“It’s a problem when you act single, do you know what it feels like to have your girlfriend be the centre of everyone’s minds? And for her to come home angry and just leaves you in the middle of a fight? And then when she says she’s going to be back later, she doesn’t come back, doesn’t call, or even leaves a message.”
“I-.” You cut her off.
“OH, and let’s talk about the post, yeah call me jealous, but I have every right to be, you know how I feel about Emma, she seems great and the friendship you two have is so cute, but when thousands of people speculate you two dating, do you know how it makes me feel? Your ACTUAL girlfriend.”
“Y/n, this life is hard, and toxic, I didn’t want to submit you to that.”
“I understand it is, but from the very beginning, I made it clear that I would never leave your side, but now, it seems like you’re the one leaving mine.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, it doesn’t feel like you’re my girlfriend anymore, I barely see you, you don’t text me back, HELL, JENNA, Friday night was our first date night in months.” Putting up air quotation marks when you said date. “If you can even call it that, it seems like we only see each other for sex, when YOU want to, I don���t know who is standing in front of me, but it certainly isn’t Jenna, my Jenna wouldn’t do this, you made promises you couldn’t keep. I don’t know who you are anymore, but you’re not the girl I fell in love with”
She was speechless, she didn’t know what to say, and the words that left her mouth after was definitely the wrong choice, “it doesn’t help that you’re so needy all the time, y/n, I just want to breathe, without you standing behind me with eagle eyes.” She saw the colour drain from your face; regret couldn’t set in faster. The argument got so heated, you two barely moved, the only thing that moved was your mouths.
“Needy?” You choked, adrenaline was pumping through you but now the levels were running low, so everything was hitting all at once, resulting in tears welling up.
“Y/n, no, wait, I didn’t mean that, I’m.”
Cutting her off once more, “you know what, you’re right, you don’t need me to do that, let me not be needy, let me be nothing to you.” Maybe you shouldn’t, but she wasn’t going to learn, she wasn’t going to change if you stay.”
“What?” She chokes up.
“I want to break up, Jenna, this clearly isn’t working, when you promised me, I would always be your number one, I believed you, but believing gets hard when you see a totally different thing.”
“Wait no, y/n, please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, I love you, we can talk this out. Please.” She begs, and it took every atom in you to reject it.
“I’m sorry, Jenna. Talking won’t do anything, I’ve tried it.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry too.” With that, you start walking to the front door, but before you could leave, one more message leaves your mouth, “you know, sometimes, I wish you hadn’t gotten the role.”
And with that, the room once filled with laughter was now filled with heartbreak, sorrows and tears.
~~
Two months later, you wish you could tell yourself that you’re doing fine, but this was a lie, yeah, you were having fun and you are so close to graduating, but a part of you was missing, Jenna was missing. During the first month, she would blow up your phone, leaving you thousands of calls and messages, sometimes she’d be drunk when she left them, but never did she once pull up to your apartment, you wouldn’t either if you were her. It took a lot to block her, but by the second month, you knew it wasn’t good for her to be so caught up like this, it was affecting her mentally, affecting you mentally, so blocking her was a sacrifice you had to make, despite there being a chance you two never talk or see each other again. Well, she to you anyway, as even though you two were over, everywhere you went, she was there, billboards, talk shows, photoshoots. Despite it all, you were still happy for her, you were still her number 1 supporter, even if it didn’t seem like it.
After pushing it back, you finally took Iverson’s coffee shop offer, so now, here you two are at the coffee shop by the campus, chatting it up, enjoying the coffee and the small bites. You were having fun and he was sweet and very patient with you, but he was able to read you like a book, and it didn’t help that a rerun of one of Jenna’s interviews was playing on the TV, he caught you staring, a soft smile painted on your lips, but mostly a smile filled with sorrows and regret.
“Jenna is your girlfriend, isn’t she?”
You snap back to reality and look at him, “was, Jenna was my girlfriend.”
“Right, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry.”
“Nah, you’re not at all, it’s okay, what gave it away?”
“Well, besides the fact I caught you mesmerised by her interview playing, when I ran into you that one time and met Jenna, she kinda kept staring at me in a way, like she was possessive of you.”
“OH MY GOD, I’m so sorry she did that, she’s not like that, I swear.” Well, you aren’t too sure what she’s like anymore.
“No, no, hahah, it’s okay, I found it cute, actually it helped, because I was about to ask you out on a date.” He confesses.
“OH.”
“You still love her?”
“Was that a statement or a question, Ives?” You sigh, “I do, but it’s no use.”
“Your love is worth more than anything, y/n, we’re good friends, right?”
“Yes sir.”
“And nothing would change that?”
Looking at him all sceptical, “ah, look, Iverson, you’re great and all but I don’t think I’m ready to get back to dating just yet.”
“Huh? OHHH, NO NO.” Physically waving his hands in front of your face, “I’m just saying, if I did something that you wouldn’t technically like, we would stay friends?” He awkwardly smiles.
You, now confused as ever, stares at him, “that depends, what did you do.”
And with such speed, not missing a single beat and all in one breathe, he confesses, “okaysojennareachedouttomeandwantedtoseeyoushestilllovesyousoIkindatoldherwewouldbeheretodayandnowshe’sbythedoorwaitingformetoleavesoshecanhaveyoualone.”
By some miracle you understood everything he said, and both your jaw and heart drops, taking a quick glance behind you to see Jenna looking out the door. “YOU WHAT?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!” You shout whisper, making sure she doesn’t hear you.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry, but she was very persistent, and she may be barely 5ft but she’s scary sometimes.”
“Oh, you poor man, weak, but poor, poor man, get out of here before I change my mind, I’ll deal with you later.”
“LOVE YOU.” He dashes away, making sure he wasn’t going to get caught in the cross fire. This was Jenna’s cue to come up to you, and you could feel her presence getting closer. Once she was in your gaze, she musters up the courage to speak one syllable.
“Hi.”
“Hi, Jenna.”
“How are you?” Small talk.
“Good, you?”
“Could be better.” She confesses.
“Heh, yeah, me too.”
“Y/n, can we talk?”
“Jenna.”
“You don’t have to say anything, just please, hear me out?” She pleads.
“Okay.”
She sits down and stares into your soul, you can’t help but melt, you missed her so much, more than you have ever, and now she’s looking into your eyes, lost, as if you can be the only one to find her.
“I just want to say how sorry I am, for everything, for being a shitty girlfriend, for lashing out, for never showing you off to the world, God, I was so insane for keeping you a secret, look at you, you’re perfect. You’re everything I want and more, anyone is lucky to have a y/n in their life, romantic or platonic. I would say I was scared, scared about everything, about losing you so I started pushing you away, but no excuse could justify the way I treated you. I’m sorry, I love you.” Your heart raced up, broke, and mended all at once, so many feelings rushed through you, thoughts were so loud in your mind, you didn’t know what to say.
“Jenna… I, I don’t know what to say.”
“Just one more chance? Please, the world means nothing to me if you aren’t by my side.”
“I don’t know, Jen.” By now, people in the coffee shop started to notice that Jenna Ortega was in their vicinity, so they started taking pictures of you two whilst listening to your conversation.
“You don’t love me anymore?”
“No, it’s not that, I do love you, and always will, no matter what, but I just don’t think I could subject myself to that again.”
“I promise I won’t ever hurt you again.”
“You make a lot of empty promises, you know.”
“I promise- oh, y/n this time I mean it, not that I didn’t mean it last time, it was stupid of me to have broken it.”
“So stupid.”
“So stupid,” she relays back.
“Okay,” you let out in a breath, “okay, just one more chance, but you have to communicate with me, you can’t push me away like that.”
“I promise.”
You laugh, “you and your promises, Ortega.”
“You and your beauty, l/n. You are my number one, forever and always.”
“You did all this in public? In a coffee shop?”
“You should have never been a secret.” And with that, she leans in and kisses you, taking your bottom lip as you take her top, you were so sure everyone had their phones out now, taking pictures for social media.
“I also want to say I’m sorry, especially for what I.”
“Don’t apologise for that, it was a wake up call, I deserved it.”
~~
As you two arrive home, you were stuck in the same place as you were two months ago, with your tongue sliding down your girlfriend’s throat. You want to keep going but your phone in your pocket is buzzing up a storm, “you should probably check that.” Jenna giggles.
“What did you do?” You playfully smack her shoulder.
“What I should have done ages ago.”
You whisk out your phone and check Instagram, where most of your notifications came from, you see your follower count has gone up by thousands, “Jenna.”
“Keep looking.” She giggles, as you check the main culprit, you find out it was her, whilst you were driving, she had taken a bunch of your photos and videos together and posted them, clearly showing that you were more than a friend, that you are all hers again, and she is all yours. The comments were so supportive, you were filled with joy, so many fans and so many celebs including the entire Wednesday cast, especially Gwendoline hyping you both up. As you further investigate, you now see the photos fans took at the coffee shop, making you laugh, a lot of them were of you and her kissing. “Go back to my post and read the caption.” And so, you did, as your eyes glance down, you let out a soft laugh as you read it.
Not my secretary <3.
~~ 
a/n: thank you for your love and support <3 whew something about me and the smut 2 angst 2 fluff plotline. also this is my first one shot!! notes have been lacking recently so i hope you guys enjoyed this :)🫣
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lettersofgold · 5 months
Text
in my head — trent alexander arnold
trent alexander arnold x singer!reader collaboration with @808heartz
genre: angst | warnings: mentions of infidelity, cursing, drinking
smau link -> 🖇️
“You are so selfish!" Trent quickly turned around and closed the distance between the two of you, his jaw clenched. "I'm selfish?" "Yes, absolutely!" you replied without hesitation.
Trent retorted, "If that's the case, why are you here, huh? What's keeping you here?"
"Because I love you!" you said with raw emotion. Trent didn't seem convinced and retorted, "Maybe you should start acting like it, for fuck's sake! All you do is yell at me."
"It is embarrassing for me to repeatedly explain that you are always 'busy' and can't show up to support me. Yet here you are, sitting on your ass without a care in the world."
"I couldn't be bothered with your event. Wanting the cameras to see us together? Real convenient, that.”
As you stood there, stunned and tears rolling down your face, you took two steps back. You didn't realize just how close you were: you were screaming in Trent's face, feeling his breath on your skin. His words knocked you backward, and you felt the instinct to run, but not before saying your piece: "You're such an asshole," you whispered.
"And you're a needy bitch." He replied.
You fell for Trent so quickly that it made your head spin. He had a way of building you up and tearing you down in the blink of an eye. At first, you thought the arguments were just passionate discussions, but soon enough, they turned into shouting matches - him saying you were too controlling, you saying he was a constant flake. Even during intimate moments, there was a coldness in him that you chose to ignore. He would cut you off and ghost you for days, then appear as if nothing happened. You justified it by telling yourself that Trent was silently processing his emotions - he was merely clearing his head. For Trent, that looked like getting cozy with the girl he said was never someone you had to worry about. It was blasted over social media, and the news blinded you. He admitted to it because he was caught red-handed, holding hands with his new fling on holiday.
You thought you knew Trent - his fears, heart, and passions. You loved all the parts of him, especially the parts that the world didn't see. You had crafted an elaborate and beautiful image of him in your mind. But when cracks started to show, you were confronted with the harsh reality that he wasn't who you thought he was. You sat there, drinking and mourning the man you thought he was - staring at them, hand in hand so publicly. It was the one thing you wanted and he refused. He kept you a secret so he could be with whoever he wanted and clearly, it was a girl who you shook hands with, a girl who smiled your fucking face. Your sobs were so loud that when your best friend stepped through the door, he dropped the bags he was carrying and rushed to you. He took the glass from your hands, wrapped you up, and held you. You felt hollow, betrayed, and unsure how someone who claimed to love you could choose to hurt you
It took a whole year, but finally, you had completely recovered. You were feeling happier. A few months back, you teased the release of your upcoming album, and fans were eagerly anticipating the first single. As you were in the process of creating the album and picking out the lead single, you decided to give Trent a heads up on his name being mentioned in your upcoming single, "Thank u, next."
You: [mp4 attached] You should hear it first - if you don't want me to add it to the album, I understand.  Trent: I don't care. Do what you need to do. 
Trent's blunt and swift response showed you once again how much he did not care. You refused to feel guilty loving him. You released your second album with that chapter of your life firmly behind you. The reception it received was unexpected. The label was worried about its sales potential, given that it was only your sophomore album. However, to your immense joy, your single charted at #1 for more than two months, and the album broke records in terms of sales - you cried tears of happiness. The press requests kept coming in, but you held back. You trusted only one source enough to open up completely to, knowing that any other interview would only add to the confusion about who exactly you were referring to in your songs. You made multiple references to your relationship with Trent but doubted that it could be confirmed that it was him. You were in the same places multiple times but never explicitly pictured together. The closest could be you at Anfield earlier in the year, but you were relaxed. Your interview with Zach Sang changed that overnight. 
"I know you probably don't want to talk about this, but what was the inspiration for "thank u, next"? Or, who rather?" Zach Sang asked, earning a chuckle from you. 
“The inspiration? Oh god,” you laughed. “Probably getting cheated on by a stupid soccer player.”
"Oh, that'll do it! That's horrible."
"Yeah. It ruined me last year, and I was in such a bad place, but I've grown from it now, definitely. Writing the album and taking time for myself really forced me to look inward and choose myself." 
“Before we go, I would love to know your favorite song or part of the album.” 
“Oh, that’s a hard one. Besides Needy, it’s the voicemail my best friend sent me at the beginning of In My Head. I was in the studio bawling my eyes out when he left that voicemail - once I played it back, I knew it set the tone for that song.” 
Trent said what he said and stood by it: He didn’t care, and you needed to do what was best for you. He saw the tweets about the album from the fan accounts that tagged him but he didn’t overthink it. You stopped posting altogether after the breakup; radio silence. But after “thank u, next”, things were awkward for him - it was becoming evident to his friends and a few teammates that you were talking about him specifically when you said: ‘Wrote some songs about Trenty, now I listen and laugh.” He ignored it and shut down any related conversation, thinking one song and one line was the worst of it. It was far from it, and the whole album was about him. Trent could not escape you even when he was with another woman - he was sprawled in her bed as she was getting ready when he heard your voice. The lyrics sent a chill down his spine. 
Yeah, look at you, boy, I invented you Your Gucci tennis shoes runnin' from your issues Cardio good for the heart (for the heart, for the heart) I figure we can work it out, hmm Wanted you to grow, but, boy, you wasn't budding Everything you are made you everything you aren't I saw your potential without seein' credentials Maybe that's the issue (Yeah, yeah) Said maybe that's the issue, ah Can't hold that shit against you, ah Yes, I did it to myself, yeah Thought you were somebody else, you
Trent ran to his phone scouring your spotify to see if that was an old song. The cover of the album with the words just released made his stomach drop. His night was filled with anxious energy. Trent’s focus was on you while he was eating with her. His phone was overheating with mentions and comments. He felt tormented by it. Twitter and Instagram were flooded with mentions about him being the inspiration behind his ex's album. Trent was overwhelmed and unsure of what to do. He thought about talking to his public relations manager but ultimately decided against it, knowing that the news would eventually reach her. Trent thought about his teammates and how embarrassed he would feel entering the locker room after his face was plastered everywhere. Although it appeared to be a blow to his ego it was more than that. It was because he had treated his ex poorly. He couldn’t change the past but it didn’t feel as if the future would be better. His mind raced as he failed to sleep, reflecting on a conversation they had in the very bed he was in.
“What was it like?” You spoke softly. You were breathless after spending countless hours entwined in his sheets, the sound of your breathy voice still echoing in his mind. You felt uninspired and utterly stuck in writing your second album at that moment. You always told him that winning a Grammy was your ultimate goal since you entered the music industry. Trent found it endearing how much you respected him as a person and as an athlete who had achieved so much so quickly in his football career.
“Most incredible feeling ever. I’m just a boy from Liverpool ya know? And all my dreams came true. The fans, my boys, my brothers…. Nothing like it.” After a long while of silence, he could sense your growing frustration. Trent leaned closer to you, bringing his lips within inches of yours, and drew your attention away from those thoughts towards him.
“One day, you will be on that stage, crying and thanking everyone.” He kissed you softly on the lips, deepening it as you giggled. Your lips were soft and wet against his and he was obsessed with the feeling. He pulled away, determined to boost your confidence. "When you're on stage and I'm in the crowd, you can say, 'To the man who told me I could do it, thank you,' and then we can celebrate all night long, yeah?" 
You smiled and climbed on top of him, kissing him in a way that made him feel alive. "I love you," you said as you leaned in to kiss his neck, sending a wave of heat through his body. He was unsure of what to do because he knew you weren't the only one with a hold on him. He simply hummed in response, "I know." He didn't waste time before diving back inside you, drawing out endless sweet sounds. He knew this relationship with you was doomed from the start.
Trent was emotionally distant and unfaithful, which was a recipe for heartbreak - and it wasn’t going to be his. He gathered the courage to sneak into his bathroom and call you, but the call went straight to voicemail. Despite feeling embarrassed, Trent called again, determined to at least leave a genuine apology in your voicemail. His heart thumped so hard that he feared his girlfriend could hear it from where she slept.
“I know what I did was awful… I’m sorry. I am, and uh, I hope things are going well for you. I listened to the album, and it was great - I hope it gets you the Grammy you always wanted. I hope it’s everything you ever dreamed of…just call me or not. I don’t know, I’m sorry..” He hung up the phone awkwardly, refusing to listen to it again, and waited for a response that didn’t come until early the following day.
You: You did what you needed to do. Please don’t contact me anymore. I’m not interested in any apologies or reconnections. Treat them better, Trent.
“Pete,” you whispered quietly to your boyfriend. The Grammys was nerve wrecking theory but actually sitting the audience after waiting so long made you question if you were meant to be there. “I’m going to be sick, best pop vocal album is next.” Pete nodded and reached for you, giving it a squeeze. “You've got this in the bag, baby.” Pete - the light in the darkness that Trent created. Pete made it known how attracted he was to you but you turned him down almost immediately. You couldn’t trust anyone. So he waited, never forcing his feelings on you - simply being a friend to you. He made you laugh, and sat with you for hours in the studio, making sure you rested and were well-fed. Pete was everything you wanted Trent to be. Pete was the man you created Trent out to be in your head.
The presenter stood on the stage and rattled off a few jokes as the cameras began to crowd around the nominees. Your name was called and you dipped your head with a deathly tight grip on your boyfriend’s hand. You didn't even realize it but it was you - you won the Grammy. Pete said your name multiple times before it dawned on you. You were reluctant to move from your seat because surely it was a mistake. But no, you did it. Your dream has just come true. Pete squeezed your hand three times, the silent code you created to say “I love you” to one another in crowded rooms and events. His watery eyes met yours and you couldn't hold your tears.
The microphone was shaky as you began to thank each and every person you could remember. The clock was counting you down but you didn't care - this was your moment. You talked for a full thirty seconds before wiping a few tears, standing up straighter to stare directly into the camera.
“I wasn't expecting to win tonight, so this is.. a little crazy. I just want to thank everyone who's supported me and the album, it's been such a journey from then to now. To my fans, to my management, my friends, and Pete - I love ya’ll. Thank you again.” The crowd cheered for you and for a moment they thought it was over. But you had one more thing to say.
“And to the person who broke my heart, thank you for helping me win this Grammy.”
smau by @808heartz -> 🖇️
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Note
What about a Natasha Romanoff X female avenger!R where Natasha has constant nightmares and has a hard time falling asleep. Then one night she finds R in the compound living room watching TV or something cause R is a night owl or just hanging around, so the red head joins her. It’s going great and Nat starts to relax but then R starts giving signs of heading to bed but Nat prolongs or suggests other things to do like have tea, watch a movie, braid hair, paint nails, anything she can come up with to not let R leave her alone and having to go back to sleep in fear of the nightmares coming back. Eventually R catches on what’s happening and asks why Nat is not letting her go to sleep and the Russian confesses, feeling guilty for keeping R from going to bed. But then R suggests Nat sleep in her room, like a sleepover, and by the end feelings are confessed! Sorry for being specific!! You write Natasha so well and on point!! I always love seeing (reading) this soft side of her!!
Favourite Person || Natasha Romanoff
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Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader
Warnings: Mentions of nightmares, mention of trauma, mentions of the Red Room, explicit language. If I have missed any warnings, please let me know.
Word Count: 5127 words.
A/N: Thank you so much for the request Anon, (I’m so sorry it’s late). To the anon that requested this fic, if you are not happy with it and would like me to re-write it, I will happily do so. I hope you all enjoy! Please note this is an au so some character’s behaviours may be different to what is expected.
Please do not repost (on here or any social media platform), copy, translate or take ownership of my work. Reblogs, likes and comments are always appreciated <3.
Masterlist
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Favourite Person: Natasha Romanoff-
“No, no please- just let me go!”
The somewhat delicate yet rasping sounds of pleading whimpers of desired escape fill the momentarily still bedroom belonging to that of Natasha Romanoff.
Desperate intakes of air in combination with mind numbing struggles against a dream-like battle that she fails to overcome each night she’s graced with even a substantial set of hours to sleep, plague her traumatised mind.
With one final desperate gust of air surging through her windpipe, she forces her now awakened self up from the sweat-tainted mattress that supports her body.
Glistening, tear-filled eyes frantically roam the features of the room as Natasha scans her environment for any potential intruder destined to cause harm to her.
With a soft and grounding clutch to her Anchor shaded comforter, she concludes that she’s safe for another night; and that her wicked past has once again robbed her of another night of a peaceful and yet craved slumber.
Natasha can’t help as her hands roam her heated skin, having the urge to fidget as her mind fails to come down from the relentless period of memories belonging to that of the Red Room- ones that she would be ever so quick to forget if she was given the opportunity.
Knowing any further hours designated to sleep were off the table, Natasha leans her trembling body over to her bedside table- hoping to deliver herself a well needed drink of water to not only lessen her now dry throat, but to have the calming effect needed to slow her rapidly pacing heart rate down.
Much to her dismay, as she grasps the hardened plastic cup that once held a heaped amount of water in it; she soon realises her cup is now empty.
Having had her right to drink forfeited, she releases a gentle breath of frustration, alongside a string of Russian curses at the continuous, nightly bad luck that seems to be lurking its way to her recently.
One night she hopes she can have a dreamless sleep just to gather up enough energy to carry out her duties as an Avenger, and to stop her waking mind from reliving the nightmares from the night before. Though that seems like too much to ask.
Refusing to re-enter her nightmares once more during the nightly period, she sleepily hoists her body out from between her sheets. Ensuring she gives herself a moment to steady her breathing before leaving her darkened room.
Knowing she is ready, she quickly swipes her empty cup from her bedside table and ever so quietly makes her way to her bedroom door; taking extra care when turning the doorknob to exit the room with as minimal levels of noise as possible. She’d hate herself for disturbing any of her teammates with her late night adventure to the kitchen. Just because she can’t sleep, why should they pay the price in losing sleep also?
Little does Natasha know, one teammate in particular would lose countless hours of sleep to ensure the redhead was safe and secure in any situation- especially when her haunting dreams take their toll.
As Natasha makes her way through the narrow pathways leading to her desired location; she picks up a little tune on the side of her cup, allowing her nails to tap mindlessly against the smooth surface. Hoping her mind chooses to focus on the range of movements needed to continue the repeated pattern, opposed to the horrors lingering from within.
That is until her ears pick up on muffled voices coming from the living area of the Compound.
Natasha’s entire system freezes; in her sleepy and somewhat confused state of mind, her thoughts rush to the most terrifying conclusions:
The voices could belong to Hydra members; desperate to seek and steal documents from the Avengers. It could be the Red Room, sending their final wave of untraceable Widows to finish Natasha and Yelena off, and in the process take out the Avengers.
With a vice, tight grip now on her cup, Natasha steadily allows her feet to move herself towards the noise source in a stealthy manner- attempting to gauge the seriousness of the situation and to determine how much force will be needed to deal with the potential intruders.
Natasha unknowingly releases laboured breaths, each step filling her body with a dread that she has not felt since she was a child roaming the hallways of the Red Room itself. Desperately trying to move from one room to another without being punished for stepping in the incorrect sequence or even making too much noise when she is so harshly trained to be as silent as a whisper.
As Natasha lines her back with the edge of the wall leading to the Living Area and Kitchen, she inhales a steady breath, knocking herself into her ruthless ‘Black Widow’ nature. With a hardened glare, she moves her line of sight around the corner to which her entire demeanour drops as soon as she spots the unexpected scene unfolding in front of her.
She finds you laying across the couch haphazardly as you stare at the TV screen illuminating the room in a gentle, blue hue as the muffled voices that Natasha mistakenly thought to be intruders continue- seemingly now belonging to the show that entraps your attention currently.
Natasha slowly moves closer to you, noticing more details as she approaches: like how one of your legs swings over the edging of the sofa in a careless motion as you stare at the images dancing across the screen; how you lazily place singular pieces of popcorn on your tongue in anticipation to bite down on the slightly hardened texture of the food item. Even how you carefully rest your head on your supported hand, tilting your gaze in wonderment of the information being gathered from the show of your choice.
She can’t help but stare at you in awe, finding it highly difficult to recall an instance where she has known you to be so calm and collected. Even being in your presence has removed some of the tension that had been built up in her muscles since she woke up from her nightmare.
She must admit, she’s relieved to find you of all people out here. Out of all the members of the team recently, you’ve been one of the only ones who can effortlessly put a smile on her face- something she is in desperate need of in her current state.
Having the overwhelming sense to join you, she chooses to clear her throat, snapping you out of your TV trance once you register her presence.
You quickly reach for the TV remote and eagerly press down on the mute button as you go to speak to Natasha, “Oh, hey, sorry did I wake you up?”
Natasha quickly shakes her head, “No, I just- I wanted some more water. I didn’t expect anyone else to be up so late.” Natasha silently scolds herself for her awkward stuttering for an answer. Though she knows she’s not quite ready to burden you with her night terrors, part of her feels the added weight of keeping the anxiety surrounding them in once more.
You push yourself up from the couch with a slight groan, having been in the same position for several hours straight, “Yeah, sorry about that. I’m more of a ‘night owl’ than anything so usually I watch my shows in my room but my TV is busted. Tony said he will fix it for me tomorrow so this is more of a one off.” You say as you gesture to the scene around you.
Natasha takes in your words as she draws invisible patterns on her cup, “Don’t apologise, it’s nice to have some company at this time of night.” Natasha says genuinely, usually having to face the aftermath of her nightmares alone until the more reasonable hours of the morning.
“What are you watching?” She attempts to guide the conversation forward.
You raise your eyebrows in surprise, not expecting Natasha to show an interest, “Oh, um Cupcake Wars.” You answer with glee.
Natasha smirks at your show choice, “Cupcake Wars? Really?” She says in a humoured manner.
You tilt your head with a narrowed gaze, “Judgment? Really?” You remark in a light manner, earning a chuckle from the Black Widow herself.
You lick your lips before you go to speak again, “You can blame Yelena for this, I wasn’t even into it until she made me watch it.”
Natasha scoffs in disbelief, never having assumed Yelena would even be into shows such as this, “Yelena? My sister? The lean, mean Mac n’ Cheese loving machine?”
You laugh at her words, knowing upon Yelena’s arrival to the Avengers she was eager to let it be known of her efficiency as a former member of the Red Room and how ambitious she can be in her line of work, but to her Sister and friends, she’s as soft as they come.
“Well yes, your sister, who I happened to be paired up with on a Recon Mission in December, decided that we needed to fulfil our ‘authentic American Christmas’, by watching the ‘Holiday Special’ of this series whilst we waited for Hydra to mess up and give us intel. Ever since then we’ve watched every episode, and we can mutually agree it’s the best decision we have ever made.” You playfully put it to Natasha, knowing she loves hearing the details of how well Yelena is settling into her new life away from the Red Room- the now secure life the two of them deserve.
Natasha beams at the information, relieved that Yelena is finding comfort within the Avengers, “Thank you for including her.” Natasha simply says, extremely grateful for your kindness, not only towards her, but to her little sister.
You smile at Natasha’s words, “Of course, it’s the same kindness you showed me when I first arrived at the Compound.”
Natasha rolls her eyes at your words, “Oh, believe me, it was a hard task being kind to you. You were feral.” Natasha attempts to tease you, knowing your first impressions of each other has been a running gag in your friendship for years.
You release an exaggerated gasp at her words, “Well, we both know I had Tony as my mentor so what did everyone expect to happen honestly?! I think I turned out pretty good considering my Avenger upbringing.” You lift yourself up to tuck one of your legs underneath yourself, seemingly becoming more engaged in the conversation through excitement of having Natasha close by.
Natasha pouts her lip and nods along to your words, “Sure, sure, we’ll let you believe that y/l/n.”
You quickly pick up a piece of popcorn to throw at Natasha, allowing your joyful laughs to fill the room.
Natasha easily catches the rogue piece of Popcorn, shoving it into her mouth for good measure, before bringing up the subject she has been dreading since she engaged in conversation with you, “I guess I had better grab my drink and leave you be. Goodnight, y/n.”
Your momentarily excited features drop slightly at Natasha’s words and loss of presence, you love being in her company. Majority of the time she’s the main source of happiness you can grasp at, with having some horrific events occur from your job, it’s refreshing having that comfort person you can call your friend- that person being Natasha.
Part of you also picks up on the depressed features of Natasha’s posture; usually present when something is on her mind or after a gruelling Mission.
You fail to anticipate your own moves when you hear Natasha returning from the Kitchen area of the Compound. Before you have time to think, your mouth opens up to release your next statement, “Hey, Nat. Would you like to watch a movie or something? This episode is nearly done and I’m not quite ready to go to bed yet.” You attempt to place the reasonings behind your question on yourself, hoping that if there is something Natasha wants to talk about, that she will feel comfortable enough to do so if she feels as though you invited her to hang out with yourself; rather than her having to ask.
Natasha stops her movements at your words, a flood of relief building up inside herself at your question. She desperately wanted to ask you herself, but the nipping feeling of guilt from intrusion of your alone time played on her mind so much so that she was too afraid to stay in your company.
As the overwhelming emotion of reassurance takes over Natasha, she chooses to nod at your question; failing to hide the string of grateful tears that line her exhausted eyes and knowing a waver in her voice would give away her fear of the night.
When Natasha moves to round the couch, she can’t help but smile at your effort to clear the perfect space for her to join you.
You instantly begin a clear down of the area, removing stray pieces of popcorn that somehow fell from your grasp during your Cupcake Wars marathon. You move to straighten up the charcoal tinted pillows; fluffing them up to mimic a comforting environment for Natasha to settle in to.
Once you look over your work and determine the couch to be satisfactory for Natasha, you dramatically wave for her to sit down. To which she does with an eye roll and a laugh.
As you reach for the TV remote and settle into your previous spot on the couch, Natasha sets her cup of water on the coffee table, waiting for you to choose the perfect movie for the two of you to watch together.
Though to her surprise, you stretch your arm out towards her, handing her the remote for control of the TV.
Natasha quirks a curious eyebrow at your gesture, “Y/n, what are you doing?”
You match her curious look at her question, “I want you to choose what we watch, Nat. Pick anything, I don’t mind.” You say with a comforting smile of reassurance.
Natasha hesitantly removes the remote from your outstretched hand, studying the array of buttons decorating it, “Are you sure? This is your time to-“
You interrupt Natasha, remembering the countless times she has been refused a choice on movie night, due to Tony’s unfair system of choosing the designated movie of the night- somehow it always ends up being one of his favourites…
“Natasha, I am more than positive that I want you to choose. Plus, this is our shared time to hang out, pick anything you would like.”
Natasha stares at you for a moment longer, attempting to detect a hint of change in your answer. When she realises you’re serious in your offer, she uses the the button to scroll through endless amounts of movie titles that all blend into a colourful blur after a minute or two.
That is until her eyes land on one of her comfort movies- Moonraker.
She allows the remote’s cursor to hover over the poster assigned to the James Bond movie on the list available, determining her options on how to approach asking you if this was an acceptable choice.
You soon notice the longing of the highlighted movie choice on the screen and the conflicted features crossing Natasha’s face as she has her own mental battle.
You turn yourself to gather Natasha’s attention, “Hey, is this the movie you want to watch?” You gently ask, trying not to push her in any way.
Natasha fidgets with the remote in her hands as she ponders a response, “Yeah, it’s a comfort movie. Is that okay?” She asks you calculatedly, worried you’ll reject the idea.
You reach over the back of the couch for a blanket left behind from a previous movie night, styling it out to cover yourself, “Of course it is, I’d love to watch it with you Natasha. Put it on,” You say as you tap the open space next you, alongside a lift of the blanket, intended to cover Natasha with.
Natasha wastes no time in pressing play to start the movie as she slides across the couch and into your embrace. What may seem as a small gesture to you, is a relieving gesture for Natasha.
Not only have you granted her the comfort of her go to movie of all time, but embracing her in a warm manner heightens the idea of Natasha being truly safe within the Compound.
As the two of you snuggle into the couch in anticipation of watching the movie; all the previous, dark thoughts from earlier in the night have evaded Natasha’s mind completely.
Hopefully it remains that way.
——-
Just as the final scene of the movie commences; the end credits begin to roll out on the screen, signifying the end of the action-packed sequence.
Natasha continues to watch the screen in a dazed state, happily losing herself within the familiar scenes of Moonraker.
However, she comes back to her senses once she feels you stretch your body out from beneath her, having cuddled up to you closer and closer as the movie has played.
You quickly finish stretching your arms and legs out, you take a moment to glance at your watch and release a low whistle at the time illuminating your watch face, “Wow, 4 am already? Shit, sorry Nat, I didn’t mean to keep you up so long.” You start to push yourself up from the cushioned layer of the couch, signalling for Natasha to move up also.
As she discards the blanket aside, a wave of uneasiness settles within her. She doesn’t want to go back to bed now, she dreads to think of what horrors await her in her dreams once she closes her eyes again. She was beginning to feel safe in your company, but now you’re readying yourself to go to bed, she’s terrified that you’ll leave her alone with her thoughts.
With her endless thoughts of torment, she stares at the now blank TV in thought. You notice her vacant expression, allowing you to kneel down in front of her and gently place your hands on her knees.
Natasha jumps slightly at your touch, however she soon places her hands on top of yours to signal that your comforting efforts are welcome, “Natasha, are you ready to head back to bed?” You ask cautiously, remaining ignorant to the issue at hand.
Natasha rubs her soft hands across the delicate skin of yours as she goes to speak, “You know, we’ve still got a bit of time to hang out before the others get up. We could try some of that new tea brand Tony bought as a trial for the Team; we could watch another movie, there’s plenty of James Bond movies for you to catch up on-“
Your eyes scan Natasha’s face as she rambles out endless ways in which the two of you should stay up for a little bit longer, “Natasha-“
Natasha shakes her head as she continues her plea, desperate for you to agree with her and stay up, “Oh, I could show you how to do those Dutch braids you like in your hair. You’re always saying how much you want to learn-“
“Natasha!”
The raise in your voice throws Natasha out of her rant, unwillingly sending a pang of fear into her chest.
As you recognise the disheartening features spreading across Natasha’s persona, you make an effort to rub reassuring circles on her arms, encouraging her to relax, “What’s going on? Why are you so adamant for us to stay up?”
Natasha fails to conceal the tears that line her eyes once again, frustration making itself known, “I can’t tell you, you’ll think I’m being ridiculous.” She whispers out, not caring that you’re seeing her in what she’d consider a weakened state.
You move to sit next to her closely, wrapping a protective arm around her, “Natasha, I could never think you’re ridiculous. You’re the strongest person I know, and if something is upsetting you this much- to the point where you don’t want me to go to bed, then I want to do everything in my power to help you. I promise you, I won’t judge you, I just want to help.”
Natasha allows her tears of despair to run down her face as she looks at you, understanding the sincerity of your words. She chooses to confide in you, “Ever since I could remember, I’ve had the most horrific dreams from my time in the Red Room, and even from certain Missions. They feel so real, I hear the pain from past victims of my actions; the drilling voices of those who kept me in the Red Room and made me what I am today-“
You give Natasha the room to talk, hating the fact you didn’t pick up on her suffering sooner- though this is Natasha Romanoff, when she wants to hide something, she does so without a trace.
“Usually when I wake up, everyone else is asleep so I just wait until someone else wakes up and pretend I got up early to train or something. No one ever notices, I hide it well, just like I’ve been taught to all these years. Then tonight, you were here, and I just felt safe and secure, you just know how to make me feel calm and appreciated. I’m sorry for putting this on you y/n, I just wanted to feel safe.”
You turn away briefly from Natasha to hide your own tears upon hearing her pain, with one deep breath you move to rest your forehead on top of Natasha’s fiery red locks, “Natasha, you’re not putting anything on me okay. I mean it when I say I want to do everything in my power to make you feel safe. I understand why you wanted to stay up longer, but do you think if we go to bed in my room or something, you might feel safe enough to sleep?”
Natasha slowly lifts her head up from under yours to catch your gaze, “You’d do that for me?”
You instantly nod, “Of course I will, I’ll do anything for you Natasha.”
Natasha bites her lip at your words, never having believed she could be so lucky to have someone like you in her life, “Thank you y/n. You don’t know how much this means to me.”
You pick yourself up from the couch and hold a supportive hand out to Natasha, which she gladly takes. Once you have switched all the necessary devices off in the living area and kitchen, you guide Natasha to your bedroom, “I think I do, but you’re still going to teach me how to braid my hair right?” You question Natasha, earning a light chuckle from her.
“I suppose I can look over my very busy schedule and fit you in somewhere.” Natasha lets out, allowing the anxieties of the night to vacate her mind.
“I’m sure there’s plenty of room in your schedule for your favourite person.” You reply, mindlessly following the corridors to your designated area of the compound.
Once you arrive at your door, Natasha raises a tired yet questioning brow, “Who said you were my favourite?”
You give her a light shrug, “I just know you can’t argue with logic.”
Natasha smirks as she moves into your room, noticing the minor details scattered across the area that makes the room entirely yours, once you move to switch your bedside lamp on to highlight the features more.
Natasha stands in the middle of the room, hesitant to move anywhere without your word.
You make quick work of straightening out your bed for Natasha; hiding any loose items that are long overdue their clean up as you refuse to admit the last time your room had a good clean out.
“Okay, the bed is ready for you. I’ll take the couch-“
Natasha frowns at your words, “We’re not sharing?”
You stop your actions as you attempt to make the couch into a makeshift bed for the night, “I don’t mind taking the couch honestly, it’s… comfy.” You say in an unconvincing tone, earning an eye roll from Natasha.
“Come on, we can share the bed, I don’t bite.” Natasha says as she eagerly settles into your soft and comforting sheets.
You silently release a breath of relief, having saved your back from a rough night of sleep on the outdated couch lumbered in your room.
Once you switch off your light, you easily slide into the other side of the bed, next to Natasha. Allowing your body to relax itself into your heavenly, cushioned mattress.
Assuming the sudden silence was reserved for sleeping, you close your eyes and bask in your comforting surroundings. Until a voice fills the hushed atmosphere, “Are you still awake?”
You release a relaxed breath as you go to reply, “Yeah, are you?”
Natasha releases a laugh from beside you, “Who do you think asked you doofus.” Natasha teases.
You roll on your side to face Natasha, using the minor elements of moonlight seeping through your blinds to study Natasha’s magnificent features, “Well J.A.R.V.I.S is quite the conversationalist at night, so pardon me for being curious to whom I am addressing Romanoff.” You say in the most serious tone you can muster- extremely low severity.
Natasha smiles brightly at your lightheartedness, “Sometimes I do wonder about you y/l/n.”
You tilt your head in challenge at Natasha’s words, “Oh yeah? What do you wonder about Nat?”
Natasha’s features fall into a stoic nature as she thinks of what to say, “I wonder how someone as loving and caring as you, would willingly want to hang around with someone like me?”
Your body shifts in discomfort at her words, sensing a tone of insecurity, “Someone like you? That’s not a bad thing Natasha.”
Natasha nods at your words, “It is, y/n, I know how people see me. Some ruthless monster who’s only worth is that of being a product of the Red Room. An assassin, produced to kill without fear or hesitation-“
You abruptly push yourself up to study Natasha in disbelief, “Natasha, that’s your nightmares talking. The Natasha I know, the real Natasha is so kind, considerate and incredible. You never fail to care for those around you. Hell, I bet you’ve saved more lives being an Avenger, than lives you were forced to take under the Red Room. Natasha you’re worth so much more than a brand under the Red Room.”
Natasha looks away from you as you continue your truths, having only her nightmares confirm her greatest fears.
“Natasha, you do realise none of the past was your fault. The Red Room took you, melted your mind and melded it into something cruel. It wasn’t your fault they did that to you and it certainly isn’t your fault that they controlled you to a point where you weren’t even of a conscious mind to understand the consequences of the actions they ordered you to do.”
You gently cup Natasha’s face and instantly swipe away a pained tear escaping her eye, “You’re not a monster, you’re a hero- my hero. Nat, you inspire me to be the best Avenger I can be. You inspire so many people around the world to protect others and do what is right. If I ever hear anyone saying anything different, I’ll kick their ass.” You add for good measure, earning a dry chuckle from Natasha.
“You’re not part of the Red Room, you’re Natasha Romanoff- Avenger, Hero and quite honestly the best thing this Planet has ever given us-“
Your words of wisdom are cut off once Natasha attaches her lips to yours, fulfilling every ounce of gratitude into one delicate and addictive kiss.
As Natasha slowly pulls away, she can’t help but bite her lip in amusement at your dazed features, “You can breathe you know y/n.”
You blink extremely slowly as your mind is sent into a frenzy of pure happiness, “Um, what were we talking about?” You suddenly ask, not knowing what else to do under the current circumstances.
Natasha pulls you down onto the bed as she moves to rest her head on your chest- its rightful space, “I’m pretty sure we were talking about how you’re my favourite person?” Natasha playfully adds.
You nod along as you pull Natasha closer towards you, “Hmm, that does sound accurate.”
With a quick mumble of ‘dork’ from Natasha, the two of you settle down for a night of slumber. Finding safety and security in each other’s arms.
——-
Soft, delicate finger tipped brushes against your rib cage wake you up from your relaxed slumber.
As your eyes flutter open, they meet ethereal green irises as they study your sleepy state.
Natasha leans up to press a gentle kiss on your forehead, allowing you to release a sigh of content at the comforting gesture, “Good morning, y/n/n.”
You sleepily smile at the sound of Natasha’s raspy voice, never failing to have your heart fluttering in excitement, “Good morning Nat, how did you sleep?” You nervously ask, hoping with every ounce of your being that she was able to rest after her nightmares.
Natasha initially responds with a glamorous smile, allowing you to replicate it to the same effect, “That was probably the best sleep I’ve had in over ten years.” She giddily lets out.
You pull her into your embrace, “No nightmares?”
Natasha nods to confirm, “No nightmares.”
You place an ecstatic kiss on the crown of her head, over the moon with the possibility that Natasha may be able to escape her nightmares.
“You know, maybe we should make this sleepover thing a permanent thing?” You ask sleepily.
Natasha hums at your words, “Well, I don’t see why not. Your bed is pretty comfortable.”
You laugh at Natasha's choice of comfort, “What about the person you’re currently cuddling?”
Natasha shrugs lightly, “I suppose they’re okay, the cuddles are a bonus.”
You smile at her words, “Well maybe I’ll have to deduct the cuddle clause from the agreement.”
Natasha tightens her grip on your body impossibly tight, “Try it and you’ll see why they say my Widow Bite Stings pack a nasty punch.”
“Oh well, we wouldn’t want to test that out.”
“Nope.” Natasha replies as she settles back into your embrace.
You allow a few seconds to pass before you bring up your next question, “What if-“
“No.” Natasha says with a flick of her fingers delivered to your forehead, eager to have you sleep in a little bit longer.
It’s safe to say that Natasha Romanoff is most definitely your favourite person.
—————————
Taglist: @beefromanoff
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ardranaline · 2 months
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new moon in ♒ Pick a pile
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it's a current energy check In and advice for few. if you want a personal reading for the new moon dm!
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everything has come to a halt .things just don’t feel right , you don’t feel alright. there’s energies of uncertainty, it’s like your sick but there’s no physical wounds. the hobbies, the job you do, don’t give you that satisfaction and it just feels so heavy to them. you feel drained there’s this feeling in your heart, a fear, something is wrong, you feel out of place and lost . even trying to achieve your dreams , goals doesn’t seem worth it now. Foods or music that used to be your favorite has no more appeal .you may even wonder if your a good person , good enough as you thought . In a sense you could have been lying and faking to your own self .you have doubts in everything you do. some of you may even feel empty and worthless .this all seems to stem from a place where you’re not validating yourself, you’ve belittled yourself, thinking others have have done more ,they’re more skilled. you don’t place any value or worth on yourself and things that you do. for some it can be due to the situations they’re placed in childhood. any achievements got any praise . and the next achievement had to be greater than the last one .constant progress or failing even once was looked down & shamed.
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you guys have been thinking and wondering about your support system ,where you find comfort ,what makes you happy ,you’ve taken a step to notice what’s doing you right and what’s doing you wrong .you’ve been reflecting and understanding yourself and trying to improve what you’re doing in a personal & professional sense. you’ve been planning a lot , comparing pros and cons to some it can be academics & reflecting for which skill/ career is good for you . few of you could be traveling or doing a lot of research basically exploring to find the right path and improve yourself . this pile gives vibes of growth , you’re making the blueprint for success . facing a bit of diet issues, meals that you want to have not being available. some choosing their health & not consuming processed food or take outs .some not choosing to take advice or labels that others throw at you . along with improving you are also cutting out old habits , mindset . Some are overcoming their social media or other addiction / procrastination slump and engaging + improving your life . some of you would have been denying yourself a thing , doing that will give you a lot of relief . by denying you’re suffocating yourself
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trying to make ends meet, dealing with deadlines being very overworked ,there’s a lack of care and nourishment of self .keeping yourself busy so you won’t have to deal with some things or feeling unworthy of rest , being cared , gentle love . doing others labor ,people pleasing , not taking up space because you feel you’ll be a burden. being afraid to take up space, to demand , to be content so you in the name of adjusting stay ,unsatisfied ,sad ,insecure ,unloved . due to the fear that if you take up space , ask for what you want , you’ll be viewed as asking too much and you could lose people ,opportunities or titles just because you ask or what you want. it’s advised you stop doing others work ,take rest, nourish your body and let yourself be loved and cared for by yourself before you let others care for you . even if you rest, you don’t rest properly. you keep thinking about what to do ,you haven’t slept well in days , you’re not giving yourself the break you deserve.
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you have been putting in a lot of work in yourself ,you try to keep your head high , everyday you’ve been gentle and pushing yourself to heal and be productive and its visible how much you’ve improved since day one .all those small steps have given you big results , you’ve improved your self concept, self esteem a lot of healing and learning about yourself & you’re life . you have come a long way but still sometimes you stress over the smallest of things . overall you’ve been building yourself up ,a lot progress but in your head you still have doubts & confusion. you’re on the right path ,there’s just a bit more of balancing & managing the situation & routines so you don’t suffocate yourself. for some it may stem because they fell trapped by the routine and need to do and improve. some are doing all this to avoid emotions, confronting a situation and making yourself very busy.. you are overworking yourself and also avoiding the stress of the main problem and taking it out on small things because you don’t know how to feel about something ,how to overcome it and get back to your life like nothing happened.
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agentstarkid · 7 months
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REDAMANCY ✦ DR3
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“The essence of "redamancy", when loving someone, resides in finding oneself wholeheartedly committed to another person. It involves investing time, effort, and emotions to build a relationship based on trust, empathy, and understanding. Redamancy emphasizes the idea of love in its purest form, where both individuals feel valued, supported, and cherished by one another. In this context, loving someone through redamancy means having an unwavering appreciation and admiration for their unique qualities and accepting them as they are, flaws and all. It entails fostering a deep emotional bond that brings joy, warmth, and fulfillment to both individuals involved. Love, translated through redamancy, is an enriching experience that nourishes and uplifts the lives of those involved, creating a sense of security, happiness, and contentment.”
✦ pairing: daniel ricciardo x famous!latina!reader
✦ type: social media au
✦ fc: becky g
✦ warnings: female!reader, covid-19 & quarantine mentions, age gap, language, slight mention of mature themes.
✦ pit wall live: holi babes! WE'RE OFFICIALLY DONE WITH 2020! 🥳 Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm feeling festive so this is a gift from me to you guys! Thank you for all the love and support 💖 if you haven't already left me one, please consider leaving me a comment to let me know if this whole thing at least makes a bit of sense (I crave validation, guys lmao) and my inbox is always open! I'm super excited for you to get to know Girlie a little bit better! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter because I sure did enjoy making those edits, don't they look so fucking cuteeeeee??? 😩💕
p.s.: keep an eye out for a name that could be important in the future 👀
─── The Joker & The Queen (Masterlist)
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SEPTEMBER 9, 2020
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SEPTEMBER 13, 2020
f1gossipofficial
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♡ 2,345 likes
f1gossipofficial NEW WAG ALERT 🚨 After months of speculations, we can finally see them together! Daniel and Y/N arrived at the paddock for the Tuscan GP today and it's fair to say, she knows how to make an entrance 🔥 It's the first time Ricciardo introduces a WAG to the paddock 🥰
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user she's wearing heels and he's still a head taller than her 🥺 THEIR HEIGHT DIFFERENCE IS TOO FUCKING CUTE 😭❤️
user she's just a smol 🤏🏻 cinnamon roll ❤️
user2 🐍🐍🐍🐍
user3 what the fuck is she wearing? 😂 she needs to hire a stylist because she looks like a fucking clown. This reflects badly on Daniel 🤮
user she's serving Y2K style 🔥🔥🔥 also why tf would it reflect badly on him the way she dresses??? 🙄 I think she looks gorgeous!
user4 They have been together since January, but the picture of them walking next to each other is like they don't even know each other 😂
user5 can't believe Daniel hasn't dump her unfaithful ass yet 🙄 she must be really good at the things that she does on the mattress 🤮
user the only thing she's probably worth for, he might as well take advantage of it Imao
user6 The amount of hate this girl receives when all she does is just appear, no one knows her personally but ends up throwing opinions based on her looks and a couple of tabloids. Lol. Fangirls are crazy! 😂
user7 noone does it like her 😘
user8 lol he deserves so much better 🤢🐍
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yourinstagram has added to their story!
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OCTOBER 6, 2020
yourinstagram has added to their story!
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danielricciardo has added to their story!
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OCTOBER 11, 2020
yourinstagram has added to their story!
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danielricciardo has added to their story!
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yourinstagram
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♡ liked by rubendias, iamcardib, danielricciardo and 8,452,325 others
yourinstagram When your birthday gift includes a podium finish you know it's gonna be an unforgettable experience! 🤩 Every year I grow I'm reminded of how precious this life is, thank you all for helping me fill it up with so much love. Your kind words and constant support means everything to me. Thank you so so so much 💕
Don't say it, don't say it, OKAY I'm saying it: I'M FEELING 22!! 😘
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salmahayek Happy birthday hermosa ❤️
danielricciardo Who needs a four-leaf clover when I've got you by my side? Just call me Danny Ricc, the luckiest bloke around! 😎
taylorswift Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22! 🥳 Happy happy birthday my angel! There was happiness because of you 🥰
user stop acting all innocent we all know you are a fucking slut
userA yourinstagram we can tell by all the guys you let into your bed 👀
florencepugh Happy birthday to a special soul ❤️
fioamato Happiest 22nd year babe! Wish we could be together to celebrate. Te amo un mundo ❤️
sofiareyes Feliz vida reinotaaaa! 🥳🥰
user2 sos una gran ridícula 🐍
user3 stop shoving it in our faces every 5 minutes jesus christ, we already know the only way you can stay relevant is fucking your way through talented people
reesewhiterspoon Happy birthday to my favorite resident loud persona!
jvn Happiest birthday babe! Becoming friends with you has shown me a strength & kindness that is v rare. You're brave, smart AF, and the talent is next level & quite literally iconic. Grateful to know you & call you a frand!! Love you to pieces Queen! xx
llane Feliz cumpleaños hermanita 🎂 te deseo muchas bendiciones! ❤️
lilymhe as a wise woman once said: It seems like one of those nights, we ditched the whole scene and end up dreaming, instead of sleeping 💘✨
user4 Oh I didn't know it was international snakes day 🐍😂
lewishamilton happy birthday sis 💜 hope you had lots of fun x
instagram birthdays and F1 races make a winning combo
user5 I hope you are aware you're just a bed-warmer until he finds something better 😂
user6 Those who are throwing her hate, is everything okay at home? You must all be excellent people and role models 😂
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NOVEMBER 01, 2020
yourinstagram has added to their story!
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NOVEMBER 16, 2020
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NOVEMBER 28, 2020
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DECEMBER 15, 2020
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DECEMBER 18-21, 2020
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corey_wilson has added to their story!
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DECEMBER 25, 2020
danielricciardo
📍Los Angeles, California
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♡ liked by yourinstagram, natalie_pinkham, pierregasly and 5,242 others
danielricciardo Merry christmas to all, ya filthy animals! From me and my snuggle buddy 🎄 We've been good... mostly! 😝
Tagged: yourinstagram, corey_wilson, lukerockhold
View all 8,345 comments
yourinstagram Merry Christmas from our reindeer crew! ❤️🎄
danielricciardo Santa's got it easy this year, because I've already found the perfect gift 😘
natalie_pinkham Cuties ❤️ Merry christmas guys! Sending you all the love ❤️🎄
user THEY LOOK SO FUCKING GOOD UGHH 😍
user1 she's gonna be his downfall 🤢
f1 Merry Christmas to our favorite honey badger 🦨🍯❤️
user2 please Daniel check your eyesight 😭 I mean what did you even see in Y/N
kristenanniebell Merry christmas, guys! Sending lots of love from ours to yours ❤️
user3 La pareja más bonita 😍😍 Merry christmas to us with that first photo
scottyjames31 this got me cheesing hard... I'm a bit worried for Santa if those are his reindeers though 😳
user4 Daniel!! RUN!! Don't get too close to her... she's fucking poison!! Everything she touches rots away 🐍🐍🐍
user5 MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS!! Santa should be delivering my adoption papers to you any moment now ❤️🙈
fabioquartararo20 Merry christmas brother! 🥂❤️
user6 who else lives through celebrities holiday posts? Buon Natale, Daniel and Y/N 💚
user7 dude, based on the recent news lately popping up on my feed (that I did not even care to know about), I hope you get yourself to an std clinic to get tested. I see you are in your russian roulet phase- no judgement. sincerely, I wish you the best
user8 this comment section reeks of jealousy it does not pass the vibe check at. all. 😤😤😤 it's fucking christmas guys, what the fuck is wrong with y'all leave them the fuck alone!
user9 they are so many wonderful and interesting people in the world, but you chose Y/N... disappointing. You could sincerely do so much better
user10 Love it or hate it, they are living their best life. Haters can keep commenting, but they're just a bunch of jealous basic bitches lmao ANYWAYS, MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS! Keep being fucking iconic! ❤️
user11 To all the haters out there, keep commenting. Love knows no bounds and Daniel deserves exactly who he's chosen 😘
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DECEMBER 31, 2020
yourinstagram
♡ liked by lilymhe, rubendias, greeicy and 10,652,485 others
yourinstagram Moving towards 2021 with a better mindset. Keep practicing kindness every day, guys! 💖🤗🤭
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itsvittoriasousa Queen of positivity 💁🏻‍♀️💗😘
user lmao omg love this video 🤭 such good vibes
blakelively ❤️❤️❤️
zendaya the vibes are immaculate 💅🏻
lali Y QUE SE CALLE EL DECORADO 😝 Te adoro nena ❤️
user1 No me canso de verlo 😂
iamdannaschwarz A lot of palo santo to cleanse, purify and remove all negativity 🪔🧿😌🤍
user2 Por qué tan hermosaaaaaa 😍😍😍
user3 It's the palo santo and the big echeveria for me lol
user4 Love your attitude
karolg Positively divinaaa! Toda una BICHOTA 💁🏻‍♀️💗
user5 Keep it up, Queen!! Let your light blind all those negative nellies 😌 You're shinning brighter than the sun ☀✨
user6 you can't tell me her and Dan are not meant to be 😂 I bet they are so much fun to be around 🤭
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─── Please don't forget to reblog and comment! ♡
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madfantasy · 3 months
Text
To fan art and fiction enjoyers:
Please excuse my rage slipping if it happened over having to address this literal mediocrity of a subject in comparison to endless things that actually matters in real life. Because this would be at the scrapping bottom of it, but since the occasion presented itself, here we are:
Do you know there are some, let's say, manners, being in fandoms, and/or in using social media in general? NOOO? 8U
Well, Lets start somewhere!
Like it or not, YOU NEED TO ACTUALLY READ STUFF PEOPLE WRITE. Before you follow, before you comment, before you interact, because if you come across something you don't like, or you started to assume things— that's a you problem and not the fault of the poster.
If you DO NOT enjoy a character, a pair of ship, or a certain head cannon, filter the tag it's used for, Google has free tutorials on how. Most social media have these settings and most decent posters tag their posts correctly. If you keep seeing that pair, you can block the people who create it. You are free to do so ofc but WHY WOULD U come on main and air that out? Personally I find it so bizarre and it could show the type of person you are to other people — a toxic company over fictional substance — and I'd say that is not a flex, more like showing your dirty nappy in public. Those characters you love are not real and so not effected by your high ground stance, but actual humans that share you that love notice and get that impression, and it's a weird one. You SHOULD, of course, set your boundaries, and usually where that is be in your profile, on your bio or a pinned post.
Loving bizarre, villainous, creepy concepts DOES NOT EQUAL morality, nor loving good sunshine and flowers does. It's what a person does in real life what counts, not what they consume in entertainment. In fact, it is not a sign of a good person those who be shaming humans who like different fictional concepts. Or when someone keeps using ai generators knowing full well it's based on constant data theft of all sort of human creators across generations and can not exist without the continuance of this theft. Or those supporting creators that they know did irl crimes. Or those who are Policing what's can and cannot go into fiction as if the fickleness of preference have never let alot of things survive its judgement. And I can go on with the miniature examples. You are forgiven if you did not know before, some people learn through experience, but not anymore when you continue this behaviour. And maybe if you can't differentiate between reality and fiction, and what's more important than what, maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't be consuming fiction.
DO NOT POST WHAT YOU DID NOT CREATE. Do you like it when people keep posting your selfies that you only ment to share for funsies and what not? Isn't worse if you did not post that selfie in the first place or never wanted it to be used like that? It's the SAME FOR ART. This is the artists work just as much as your face is yours. Social media at the baseline is about who ever the poster is, their posts are theirs. So you posting an artist's drawing, with no permission, no credit to them, no nothing, is not allowed and people can report that. Don't be an ignorant thick fig and play the victim when schooled like this precious dear\s .Reposters disconnect so many content from their creators and this is how alot of beautiful things in life die, by simply not knowing they are loved, shoved into the over consumption machine..
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And lastly, You don't have anything nice to say to OP? Don't say anything! It's not your misguided duty to educate people on how embarrassingly self centered you are, it's okay to be a basic #&★— I promise. It okay to feel out of place in a niche that doesn't concern you. It's okay to realise other people have different perspectives of the fiction work you enjoy. You can sit down.
And I'd like to add, Mani is a safe space for au and ships even if I don't like em, cuz they are only FICTION and will remain FICTION no matter how much I loved them or hated them.
Good day, dears🍀
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k-s-morgan · 10 months
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How are you? I am sending love and hugs your way. xx
Hello again! Thank you for your support <3 I hope you don't mind me using your ask to make my monthly post!
June, especially its second half, was easier for me than the nightmarish May and the devastating end of April. The number of Russian terrorist attacks on my city decreased, and I finally managed to recover a little, though some nights were still horrifying, and some people died despite Kyiv having a great air-defense system. But the horrors continued for Ukraine as a whole. Russia exploded the dam, flooding a vast territory, causing an ecocide and harming & killing so many living beings that it's impossible to count them all.
One night in June, Russian missiles hit a residential building in a Kriviy Rig city. 11 people died, which is a miracle, considering the damage. Many pets died as well.
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That's one example of many of such attacks. Kramatorsk tragedy, which happened just several days ago - more civilians dead, including children. Kherson, which keeps being tortured daily on such a constant basis that barely anyone pays attention to it, even though people keep dying. Dnipro, Kharkiv - people die every day. Russia delights in causing pain and taking lives- literally, it's all over their official channels and social media. They are a caricature-like villain to the point where I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't witnessing it myself.
But, as always, everything isn't bad. Ukraine made some progress on the battlefield; I got to post my chapter and now I've left for my vacation. Initially, I wanted to go to Poland, but I had to change my plans because of my beautiful pigeon, who was sick at the time. She passed away since then, and I couldn't change my plans again. I'm very happy with my choice, though! I'm still in Ukraine, but I'm surrounded by nature. It's so lovely. Also, to my surprise, I got into a Batman/Joker ship, so now I'm exploring a new fandom :D It's always a delight.
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I want to thank all of you for sticking around still! Thank you to my wonderful readers who leave reviews, kudos, asks and likes: I treasure your feedback and it makes me so happy. Thank you to all those who worry about me, who message me, and who support me on Patreon. Actually, the Patreon money is what helped me get through the horrible May and still go on my vacation. I felt so exhausted and drained from nightly bombings that it damaged my workability, and I earned less than usual. I honestly can't explain how much your support and help means, what it did to me. It helped me hold on and keep my sanity intact.
Here's the beautiful sight I observed yesterday: two rainbows appearing at once after the rain. I know people see this stuff across the world, but it felt like a good sign.
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risingoflights · 10 months
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i’m not burned out on art because there are still lots of things i consider fun to draw, but i’m very burned out on the self-promo aspects of being a social media artist
it’s always been running just to stand still. it has to be constant or people trickle away faster than they trickle in. and it’s not and never has been anybody’s fault - i know folks are eager to support the creators they love. but while you might have a dollar for a handful of your favourites, you don’t have enough dollars for them all. that’s just the way it is
what’s discouraging has been the sharp dive of social media reliability recently, and the rise of certain artist displacement tools. now, those tools in and of themselves are... scope for a whole lotta discussion which more qualified people than i are doing... but one overall result of the tools existing and being used has been further undervaluing of artists’ skills. furthering the view that artists are just fodder to be consumed
so what if a bunch of artists are out of work? there’s always more that are willing to do more, for less. and worst case scenario there are the machines
but i’ll say - most people who appreciate artwork don’t feel that way. they do care about artists. but people who appreciate artwork are also not most people. outside in the world ignorance reigns. again, not anybody’s fault. it’s harder than ever these days to see past our own immediate problems
to be honest i’m surprised i’ve managed to get this far at all. when i quit the stable career i trained so hard to get into to pursue this lifestyle it was mostly from desperation - at least, no matter how stressful things are as an artist, nothing’s going to die because of error or incompetence or negligence on my part. but i have a safety network that allowed me to try, and stick around when things got tough. i’m already one of the lucky ones. no wonder so many others are leaving art fields for good
i’m hoping to find a full time art job, at least for a little while. though seeing very successful freelancers say it’s the toughest it’s ever been, and seeing how professional industry full-timers have been treated to meet expectations and demands in this emerging world... it’s not really a happy prospect either. but it might help dispel some of this gloom from appealing to the social media gods
the thing is... regardless of how shitty things are for professionals now... people are still always going to make art. people are always going to love making art. which is why there will always be artists to exploit. which is part of this whole... misery of the situation.
but no job is without its miseries, right?
nice to just vent once in a while
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dearweirdme · 7 months
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https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/728191056236150784/i-think-its-pretty-obvious-that-jk-is-crazily Who is anon to say Jungkook clearly doesn't love Tae that much based on social media activity and because they don't think he's as willing to risk his career as Tae? Anon where were you in May of this year? Because Tae did a pap walk holding a female idol's hand, a female idol that he had already been rumored to be dating for months, now let me ask you if that was your significant other how do you think you would feel? The straight narrative for Tae among the general public is pretty secure right now. They made sure of that, and he participated. You know nothing. Jungkook gets constant and vile hate from all sides of this ship war. He's the one caught in the middle between the two biggest ships, and has everyone's expectations piled on him. I personally have seen Taekooker's drop him to become Tae solo stans these last few weeks. I never see anyone actually consider what Jungkook might be going through during all of this. He's quiet on social media in general, he has been for years. He's had his privacy invaded repeatedly and all you care about is why isn't he making posts for others I guess he doesn't love them that much. :(((((( The man is minding his own business. He's extremely busy, he's on a flight right now back to the US after only being back in SK for a couple of days. He was sick enough after his previous US promotions that he had to go to the hospital, can you please give him a break? Taekook is two people and anyone claiming to be a Taekooker should be supportive and understanding of BOTH OF THEM.
Hi anon!
Mmm, I'd say Jk has been getting shit from a lot of sides. Pjm's, Tkkrs, Jkkrs, Taennies, and also from non-shiipers who say he's getting arrogant, or who want to get with him themselves. It's not easy being Jk. During his lives, there were moment when I felt he really (!) wanted to speak up on things... but he knew he couldn't. I think he's been trying to tell us things without telling us things, but it's so hard to actually get to what he meant without him being specific.
Jk just wants to make music. He want's to explore what he can do as a solo artist, and he wants us to tag along with him and like him for who he is. I really enjoy hearing him speak on things, I think he shows such growth and he's got a really clear view of what's important to him.
#jk
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turboacek-blog · 1 year
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The Love-Hate thing with XY
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Something I’ve had thoughts on ever since I’ve seen more of the Anipoke community and it’s an interesting situation
XY seems to be a fan favorite series of all the Pokémon series
With XY generally being seen as one of the best from a more ranking critic review viewpoint (look at IMDb scores for example)
So why is there such a divide among fans?
1) It gets so much loved it’s hated
It’s a weird yet normal reaction
There are definitely some fans out there that praise it so much that it can get annoying
Some actually use it to put down other series which is definitely not good
And some it’s the only thing they mention which over-saturates it in the grand scheme of Pokémon discussion which can also be annoying when out of 15 posts 12 are XY stuff you can get sick of it
2) XY is the only or one of the few watched by some
I’m constantly surprised by the number of fans that have only watched XY or started with XY
Clearly, some of it is an age thing, when they were in that general age range XY was on TV so it was naturally their first series
But also for one reason or another the way XY was presented got a lot more people wanting to check it out, I don’t know for sure but apparently XY brought in a lot of viewers and it can’t be just the regular wave of kids watching Pokémon for the first time
I mention this as people are then using XY as their basis whether it’s the constant comparison to SM specifically the art style or that they never watched Original series to DP/BW so it has that affect that when you’re watching something older some things don’t look as good since it is older especially for younger viewers
3) Social Media
Social Media been around for awhile before XY in 2013
But around that time was also a pretty big boom as stuff like YouTube were getting to the point that people were YouTubers, Vine was alive, twitter and Facebook were still the general share thoughts platforms and etc
So when clips from this time are shared they were more widespread then before and since it’s more modern its less likely to be gone
For example it’s hard to get stuff from OS-DP as it was just the byproduct of being older
Not everything was digitized, and some of the stuff that was is now gone whether a website taken down, or copyright on YouTube video etc as not everything was just on Serebii and Bulbapedia
Where XY was at a time that was fortunate enough that stuff is hard to lose and copyright was better understood and etc so it was able to build up views and likes and etc
Like I saw a vid where someone who never watched Pokemon was reacting to Ash-Greninja like there's something there
4) Miscellaneous stuff
General stuff that some like but I don’t want to say is a main reason or is big enough to give its own point
Visuals: people loved how XY looked, the art style plus the animation and 3D camera
Approach: generally the most shonen of the Pokémon series and when stuff like shonen is a big hit amongst a similar demographic it gets love for it like Ash being more “mature”, him being more of a leader, etc
Romantic side plot: Serena's crush on Ash at least from what I noticed has its own community with shipping, and I can see it bringing in a lot of girl viewers as romance is a common drawing point for young girls plus it’s a general thing people can like
Preferences: some might just generally like characters like Alain over a character like Paul, which I think is just a preference thing than an objective thing, and this applies to everything naturally
5) Least amount of Problems
I have my personal thoughts on XY, some positive some negative
But I can say from a more objective/critics point of view XY has the least problems of any series
XY consistently looked great, had what feels like the least amount of “filler” episodes, had at least solid arcs for Ash Clemont Serena and Bonnie, decent rivals, a supporting cast, etc
As even though I don’t think Sun and Moon had problems it definitely got backlash from the art style change alone let alone the formula change
BW was a soft reboot so it had a negative response from existing fans
JN had production issues that had them have recaps and such plus the co-lead with Goh stuff
So when you can point to negatives for other series that don’t really apply to XY it’s easy to hold it higher
It’s like saying they all have 5 positives but XY has like 1 negative while the others have 3+ negatives. It doesn’t matter about the positives as the negatives weigh them down more
Like even though it has its weaker points if I have to grade it XY doesn’t go below a 5/10 in anything (plot, character, pacing, etc) where you can say some series do fall below that line
Like I personally don’t care for the Team Flare Arc after the league but I wouldn’t say it was bad in the slightest
So my conclusion?
XY was definitely the right place-right time series
The social media boom, plus the general improvements XY made from BW gave it a lot of fans
So now whether they think it genuinely or they just have nostalgia for it, have XY rated higher and like to talk about it regardless of how much it’s already been discussed
It’s similar to how I remember Original Series
Doesn’t matter what May, Dawn, Paul, etc would do people would still bring up Misty Gary Charizard and etc
And it’s the same with XY, doesn’t matter what the Alola Gang, Iris, Cilan, Goh, or Chloe, they get compared to Clemont Bonnie, Serena, etc, and even Ash gets compared to his XY version
But since XY is more recent and for the most part OS fans aren’t online like that they get the status of being the most vocal and etc
As someone who was older when XY came out and wasn’t around for all the YouTube and etc
They do hype up XY a little too much
But at the same time, I do get the dislike or neutralism for SM and JN, and BW
As people can not like certain aspects of XY but none really got or deserve the backlash the others did so they look better as a result of not having that issue
As if hypothetically all Pokémon series in a vacuum are 7/10’s
Things like BW’s soft reboot make it a 5/10 to those fans for example and this can be applied to all series even XY but if others have more visible issues then they get bogged down more which results in making XY look better
To XY’s credit is a feat in itself but having the least number of issues doesn’t mean any issues which are where a lot of anti’s and people that just get tired of it come from as some do genuinely think XY is perfect
Overall XY is a solid series it came out at the right time when everything surrounding it was more controversial and it was able to explode in popularity thanks to the internet
Both sides are justified as XY has its good points but the fact that it’s seemingly the most discussed and regarded series does seem a bit excessive and I sympathize with those that don’t like it for that or just don’t like that series in general
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bramble-scramble · 7 months
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I understand your choice of leaving. Mental health is important and if you feel these places are harmful for it it's for the best to leave/take a long break.
I will not pretend to understand what you went through as I did not firsthandedly experience a lot of hate/backlash on the Internet, but I know how bad of a place it can be especially in fandoms (and, boy, do I know a lot of very toxic ones I was almost sucked in a long time ago). Don't worry, even if not participating and just by being or having been there, you are a part of things. Your part in the M+R fandom will always be important as I assume it has been in every other fandom you're in.
We fully support you, your works and presence here.
[You can answer privately if you want to]
Thank you for reaching out. To be honest, it's not even that I've ever dealt with a particularly large amount of negative stuff directed at me personally from being on social media or being in fandoms (although there has been some, of course). It's more that ambient negativity and constant discourse get to me. Inevitably I feel like I can't really be myself or express my opinions because someone will fight me on it. That's just one problem out of many, though.
I really struggle with believing I matter to the world at large, outside of a few specific people. And I don't feel like I fit in, most places I go. (There is a reason I immediately took to drawing and writing about Woodrow, lol.) Your words mean a lot to me. The nice thing about Tumblr is that posts and art/fanfics etc seem like they can live forever and be found and enjoyed again and again, unlike a lot of social media where once something gets pushed off the timeline, its time has pretty much passed for good.
I'm unsure if I will ever finish or write the other things I had in my mind. My brain needs to come back around to being in the right mood again.
Thanks again. I will miss talking to a lot of you, and I appreciated being tagged in things or sent asks because it did counteract that self-doubt I feel. So again, if anyone wants to keep in touch, I'd love to do so. Just reach out in DMs and we can figure out the best place. I really wish I didn't feel like I had to leave entirely, but I've given it a lot of thought and it really does seem like a leap I would have to make sooner or later.
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destinyc1020 · 8 months
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Confession: I think this might be last post ever on tumblr, I think I might leave tumblr and social media in general. I feel like its become way too toxic and just not worth the effort nor do I feel happy using it, its just so menatally draining. In addition Im getting a little fed up of fandoms and stan culture, it used to be fairly a fun space but now it feels like a space where hatred, racism, toxicity have kinda infiltrated. Things like movies or just enjoying actors or whatever have become less and less interesting it no longer feels like celebrating but like we are in competition, like the discourse has become lets compare and be hurtful to others and their opinions and I just think fandoms have just been too invasive, too parasocial and I dont want to be in that space anymore.
I do want to say I enjoyed your blog and love how you try to bring as much joy and positivity to this space. You are one of few bright spots and keep doing what you do and thank you for cheering me up at the times I felt a little down . Its been fun but I think its time for me to bid a permanent farewell. All the best ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Awww..... I'm so sorry Anon. 😞
I hope you haven't left Tumblr already and are going to miss my response back to you. 🥺
Oh well.... I'll respond back anyway, no matter if you ever see this post or not. 🙃
First of all, thank you so much for your confession. I really appreciate your honesty on this topic, because I really do feel like fandom/stan culture has really gotten to a point that it's become exhausting in many fandoms... even when the celebrities themselves aren't even problematic! 🤷🏾‍♀️
It's become toxic for sure. 😞 And I, too, don't really appreciate the constant comparisons, the putting down of other actors just to raise up your faves, the spreading of lies and falsehoods in order to make other celebrities look bad, the recurring nonstop complaints about an actor's film career even though their career is going just fine, the immediate "cancel" culture just because someone isn't perfect 100% of the time, the jealousy and downplaying of another actor's talents just because it's not your fave in the role, the annoying film twitter debates, the use of RT as the almighty "gold standard" in a filming project's validity, the over-FOCUS of film critics and their reviews of certain films instead of just watching the film yourself and forming your OWN opinions, the constant bickering among various fandoms and stan wars, the overly-anxious fans who get nervous if their fave isn't in a new casting announcement every 2 months, etc.... The list goes on and on and on....
It's just exhausting.... 😫 And I feel like I see a lot of these comments bts because ppl can literally hide behind Anon on my blog and say whatever they want. 😩
So yea girl...I totally feel you. ❤️
I'm hoping you won't stay away forever, but I totally encourage and support you in taking a break away from here (or social media in general) if that's what you need to stay healthy and emotionally and mentally upbuilt. 🥰
If you ever feel comfortable and would like to come off of Anon and chat with me privately on here, or discuss this in greater detail, feel free to reach out and DM me! You'll always have a safe space. ❤️🥰
Wishing you all the best 🙏🏾🤗
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