Tumgik
#In reality? Yeah go follow me on Twitter
rosyblooom · 18 days
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all u need is a platform x | ln4 smau
PAIRING: lando norris x fem love island contestant!reader SUMMARY: y/n makes a one-off comment about lando norris being her type in a confessional, and the internet rolls with it all the way to lando norris' twitch stream. A/N: just bc i love me some love island 😌
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Love Island UK
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Twittter
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yourusername
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liked by yourbestfriend, landonorris, yourfriend and 105,830 others
yourusername alright guys, public voting is open! go, go, go!! make sure to vote for the person you want off your screens, so don't vote for y/n!!! tell your friends, family, everyone! we don't wanna see our girl go home anytime soon!! thanks u guys 🥰🥰
#LoveIsland
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username she's one of my favourite islanders🫶 stunning girl
landonorris so if we vote for her she comes OUT you say?👀
yourusername don't you dare🤣 username LMAOO LANDO U BETTER NOT SABOTAGE💀💀
username ugh she's so annoying she needs to stfu🙄 hope she goes home on friday
username he's in the likes👀 ohhh the show's just getting started I see🍿
username I've voted babes! (not y/n of course)
(liked by author)
username I'm sry but I'm gonna have to vote for my girl y/n BUT HEAR ME OUT it's bc there's a better man by the name of lando out here for her I think 😃
username sooo valid (I'm doing the same lmao) landonorris 😊 yourusername uhm- you guys😭😭
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Love Island UK
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loveisland
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liked by yourbestfriend, _jackfowler_, landonorris and 176,488 others
loveisland The public has voted, and that means goodbye to this firecracker! 🧨👋 By the looks of it, it seems Y/N might not need to do much searching for fish in the sea though... 👀
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username ok lando pack it up, jack fowler is in the likes😩
username ugh jack is so fine🫦 username LMAO NOT TOO MUCH ON MY BBY LANDO NOW😭
landonorris 🐠
username lmaooo ENOUGH username help he's so real😭
username finally the bitch is gone
username uhm... chile anyways so
username ppl need to stop putting her up there with maura, amber and the lot cause she's absolutely nowhere close bffr. I rlly don't see the hype🙄
username she's literally the first to break 1 million followers lmao the hype is very much alive even if u don't wanna see it😌 username yeah and how many of those are lando fans hm? exactly username oooh u sound bitter babe xx
username lando and y/n better freaking date soon tho cause if I find out this was all in vain I'm literally gonna flip😭
Twitter
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thesun
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liked by username, username, username and 46,037 others
tagged: landonorris, yourusername
thesun Popular ex-Love Island contestant, Y/N L/N, has arrived in the UK to a warm welcome at Heathrow Airport, where she was greeted by family, friends, and a horde of fans.
Speculation about a potential romance between her and the famous F1 driver, Lando Norris, has been rife on the internet for the past few weeks. Many believe this could be the reason for her sudden dumping from the island, as fans allegedly orchestrated her exit in hopes of pairing the two together.
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username lando can do so much better than some trashy reality tv star 😑
username i got a pic with her!! she was such a sweetheart❤️
username im so excitedddd omg
username let's see what happens now then...😁
username 👀👀
username omg why are ppl still talking about her smh
username i voted for her so it better pay off🙏 i'm looking at u lando
username me and you both 🤝
yourusername posted to her story!
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[ caption 1: i'm backkk ] [ caption 2: cake bc there's 1.5 million of u guys here😭 AHHH TYSM 🫶🫶 ]
[ tagged: yourbestfriend, yourfriend + more ]
yourusername
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liked by yourbestfriend, landonorris, _jackfowler_ and 220,748 others
yourusername back in essex and straight to catching up with my lovelies xxx
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username lando norris dating announcement when 😃
username lmaooo her bed in the villa ain't even cold yet😭😭 username real! he should've picked her up from the airport smh chivalry is so dead😞
username telling you all about lando i hope
username and the fact that it's all lando's fault that you were voted off 😋 username LOL DON'T PIN THIS ON HIM NOW
landonorris welcome back y/n!
username loool what happened to ur free shoulders 🤣🤣
username JACK FOWLER STAY TF BACK 🤺🤺🤺 we're team lando + y/n here!!!
username IKTR😌
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yourusername posted to her story!
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[ caption: don't need ur shoulders, just ur arms and car 😌 ]
[ tagged: landonorris ]
f1gossipofficial
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liked by username, username, username and 14,026 others
f1gossipofficial Lando Norris has been spotted once again in the company of ex-Love Island contestant Y/N L/N, marking the fourth time in the past month the pair has been seen together in London. This time, fans observed them enjoying dinner together, appearing particularly close as they laughed and had their arms around each other.
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username real ones know y/n from the first ep of love island😌🫶
username I've been summoned🫡
username love island is bottom of the barrel trash smh anyone who enters that show is a dumbass
username lol okay.... anyway they look cute together🥰
username ahh u guys remember when y/n was in the villa and we'd all wait for lando's tweets during love island🥹 those were the times
username i wanted them together but now it's like when you watch a film in the cinema and then reach its end like what now?🧍‍♀️ username fanpage babe. u make a fan page trust me x
username ew keep her away from lando🤢
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liked by ellathomas_, landonorris, whitbrownxs and 587,442 others
tagged: landonorris
yourusername thank u love island 🤭
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username AHHH FINALLY IVE BEEN PRAYING FOR THIS🤩
username what do u wanna bet she only has 2 gcses🙄
username well that's a whole lot better than lando's 0 🤣
username @/yourusername i need ur game card RIGHT NOW cause i want mason mount 😩
yourusername all u need is a platform x username brb gonna apply for love island now🏃‍♀️💨
landonorris I think you missed a few spots baby
yourusername lol xxx username oh he's whipped lmaooo
username WHO VOTED Y/N OUT?? WE FUCKING DID ITTTT
username present🫡 username the way we had a vision and look at us now😌 we love to see it username cheers to us masterminds 🍻
whitbrownxs love you guys ❤️
yourusername ly bby xxx
1:06 ──ㅇ────────── 4:11
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findafight · 1 year
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Okay I kept thinking about this post and Steve being a BNF of Corroded Coffin message board of the internet of yore.
Alright so way back in the nineties Suzie hooks everyone up with the internet, yes? Yes. Eddie and Steve got together in '92 after some mutual pining and a few disastrous relationships that couldn't handle 1) Steve and Robin's general QPR clinginess 2) Eddie's intensity 3) the secrecy required if having multiple years of monster fighting and subsequent NDAs and the trauma associated therein. They're older and more settled and ready for an Adult Relationship.
Corroded Coffin is gaining traction and doing really well and the internet is still a brave new frontier, so Steve says to Eddie something like "I'm going to see if there's some message boards about you 🥰" and find them he sure does. So he makes accounts and posts under the username EddiesOnlyGroupie because he's hilarious and also the mods banned him from using EddieMunsonsHusband (he figured it was fine on the internet because nobody actually knew who he was but APPARENTLY NOT homophobia lives on in the digital age). He gets pretty well known in the Corroded Coffin fandom, most assuming he's a woman because he will go off on how hot Eddie looked at a gig. Like. Saying unhinged internet shit because 1) true and 2) he and Eddie think it's so funny. Everyone kinda believes the groupie thing too because of all the performance pics he's able to post and how he'll sometimes offer tidbits if knowledge about the band.
When they transition from chatrooms to livejournal etc he follows, with the same username. He's kind of a legend by the mid aughts. EOG is the acronym people use when discussing theories on his identity, and he's like "guys I'm literally his only groupie it's self explanatory. Guys why don't you believe me Eddie hasn't slept with anyone but me since 1992. We're basically married". He goes "it's not a mystery we literally are in love and Jeff and I go to Cubs games and cry when they inevitably lose together. Gareth is Godfather to my cats" (Eddie is still offended that he was not named Sassafras and Moonshine's godfather when Steve and Robin adopted them in '89). No one believes him.
Possibly because he still thirsts after Eddie and whenever someone posts a new Eddie pic those in the know wait for him to pop up with comments like "I want to bite his neck omg" "he has no ass but nobody is perfect I'll settle between his thighs anyway" and "literally a crime I am not married to him right now what the fuck" As twitter grows he swoops in to grab his handle, and follows a bunch of other CC fan accounts (some of them old friends, some of them new to the scene)(EOG 100% has his own fanlore page, which also has speculation on who he is and how he gets all the bts pics. It also doesn't believe when he says what it says on the tin. He's Eddie's only groupie.)
tumblr and tiktok come round and Steve is like. Openly horny on main. He's seen some shit go down on the internet but he's still commenting on Eddie fan edits that are title shit like "why am I attracted to this middle-aged white man" and "retro cc fancam" with things like "I'd let him lick the inside of my ear and only bring it up to tease him on special occasions" "his FINGERS" "back in '89 Jeff and Howie and Claire staged a mutany over this song because they were 'sick of Eddie only writing about biting bats' lmao" and "Jeff is my favourite member of cc"(just to stir the pot)
Eddie comes out in the 2010's and he's like "yeah I've been in a long term relationship with someone who is usually mostly a man kinda (gender is fucky) for the past twenty years, lol. His name's Steve. I love him a lot even if he mocks me online." and of course EOG comments "the mods of that old message board should have let me keep my original handle of EddieMunsonsHusband. When're you gonna make it reality, Munson? smh" and everyone is like Huh?? EOG is a MAN? And he's like yeah? Sometimes?? Not always?
(He 100% thinks this is him telling people he's Eddie's Steve. They don't get the message)
Anyways life goes on Steve continues to thirst under pictures of Eddie, he has his pronouns and name in his bio on twitter (Steve, he/him, she/her, Eddie Munson's first and only groupie 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ ) and continues to post behind the scenes photos that shockingly few people question (she always says "because I'm his groupie" though. He and Eddie think this is VERY funny and also true. Robin groans. They've been making the same joke for two decades.) and people believe it because Eddie has interacted EOG sometimes, liking photos or videos, commenting sometimes. (Steve has a more professional realname account that he rarely uses but Eddie usually tags Steve there)
And THEN Internet user EddiesOnlyGroupie says he's taking a few weeks off for her honeymoon because "I'm finally marrying the man of my dreams!" And people are happy for him but also bummed because Eddie is also taking a two week hiatus but EOG promises wedding and honeymoon photos. (Face reveal! Sorta!)((he doesn't get why people are excited because he's pretty sure he's been in a lot of Eddie's recent pictures, but whatever)
Imagine the Internet's surprise when Eddie Munson posts a collection of pictures spanning '86 to his 2016 wedding of him and Steve, including one of Steve looking seriously at an old desktop computer, captioned "Steve starting his internet career" and tags EOG.
Steve qrt with "I told yall. I'm his only groupie, and they should've let me keep EddieMunsonsHusband even if they WERE homophobic. Because now it's TRUE"
Niche internet community drama chaos ensues.
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drxxmingofblue · 1 year
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hand in unrebloggable hand (because we always go down together)
TUMBLR X TWITTER FANFIC 5K ANGST WITH A HOPEFUL ENDING
besties im not joking abt the word count i fucking ✨wish✨I ✨was though✨✨✨✨
also if you were hoping for twitblr to be the endgame ship then this fic is not for you sowwy >.<
based off of @zzoupz awesome fanart and dedicated to all the other cool fanart it unfortunately begat. Thanks babygirls. Squees. Thanks also to my discord friendz who are letting me pretend they're making me do this at gunpoint @loki-the-mad @suspicious-whumping-egg u da best
(edit) owo what's this?? An Ao3 link??
QUICK PSA THESE CHARAS ARE T4T OKAY HAVE FUN READING BAIIII *GLOMPS U*
~~~~~~~~
When Twitter stepped back into Tumblr’s yard, he noticed right away that things were different.
The house was bigger, there was some more color and it was less slapped-together looking. Sure, there were still some invasive tendrils of spambot ivy overgrowing the path, but a lot of the other stuff seemed a little… better.
When they knocked on the door, it opened almost right away, far before they felt ready, and he were face to face abruptly with someone he thought they’d cut all ties with.
Tumblr was humming to themselves along with the background music, “-out of touch, I’m out of ti-- oh. It’s you.”
He seemed surprised, awkward, but Twitter didn’t sense any animosity, which was a relief.
“Hiii,” Twitter said weakly, with a sheepish grin, “it’s me.”
Tumblr glanced around, as if checking for someone else to explain this to him, or hidden cameras from a reality show at least. Then he stepped out, closed the door behind him, and leaned against it, crossing his arms. “Is there something… what do you want?” he asked, expression settling into something distant and cool.
“Well…” Twitter took a deep breath, and then shook their head, forcing a brighter tone, and gesturing to Tumblr’s shiny silver barrette “--Um, hey, you look great! Is that a new icon?”
“... yes,” Tumblr said slowly. “I’m… trying out some different looks.”
“It’s great, yeah. And this place looks… amazing. Glad to see you’re moving up in the world. You must be excited with all the press, congrats!”
Tumblr didn’t say anything, giving them a neutral stare.
Twitter shifted, “Uhh… anyway… new adblocker?”
“No, same one. I’m just using it on Firefox now.” Tumblr gave them another suspicious eye, “Look, if you’re just here to catch up then can this wait until later? Because I'm pretty crunched for time right now with my weekly holidays thing and the campaign to get this one random user their 666k so they'll do self care."
"You know that's.. uhm, you know that's just for attention, right?" Twitter's brows knit, "They're probably not gonna follow through."
"Perhaps, and a lot of us want them to not be lying for internet points but it's not just about that anymore. It's about the community bonding over pettily slam dunking on a hapless chump who's gotta pretend now like they don't actually like all the notes. You wouldn't get it, it's a tumblr thi-" 
"Yeah, it's a tumblr thing, I know," Twitter gave a longsuffering sigh, "Ugh, i just... I need a place to stay, okay? And you’re the first site I could think of.”
“A place to stay,” Tumblr repeated flatly.
Twitter huffed. “Yeah. I’m sure you’ve heard about what’s going on right now at my palace..”
Tumblr’s eyes slanted off, his lips quirking in a way that looked suspiciously like amusement. “Heard about it. Read about it. Partied about it.”
Twitter ignored the sting of that, forging ahead. “I’ve never seen it so bad,” they said, voice wobbling piteously as they clutched their suitcase full of memes. “Everything’s in chaos, people are losing their jobs. I went into the basement yesterday to grab some badly aging tweets and the very foundations are cracking, Tumblr, I can’t stay there anymore, I just can’t.”
“So you come crawling back to me,” Tumblr said, “Expecting me to take you with open arms.”
“Yes. I do,” Twitter said, “I know a part of your userbase still wants to welcome me in. You were always sh*t at hiding your true feelings.”
Tumblr’s hand fluttered over his heart as if to protect it; he winced a little, taking a breath to keep his facade of composure. “So now- what, you want me to start dealing with your bullshit again just because you remembered how much better my posting format is? Just because you noticed how my reputation is changing? Did you think I’d be so desperate to fill the void now that Dracula Daily’s done? Or maybe,” 
Tumblr leaned closer to lord his height difference trope over Twitter, his eyes hooded with disparaging condescension, “Maybe you’re just here because you heard I’m finally allowed to take my shirt off again, is that it?”
“N-no!” Twitter protested, flushing up.
“Oh, i think it is,” Tumblr drawled, “But that’s really just too bad because in case you haven’t got the memo yet, I’ve moved on. You are not welcomed here. Not anymore.”
(link to art here) go look at it then come back
(AN: i had to google how to embed links into text and google was all like, "do you mean 'how do you put links INTO text' you moron idiot???" ugh don't like that wise guy)
“You don’t really mean that,” Twitter said, “Besides, you can’t stop me, can you? The sign up button is right there.” They pointed at the front door.
“No, I can’t,” Tumblr said, “But that doesn’t mean we won’t be able to clock you as twits by your censoring and bad takes. Look, your aura is already causing ripples in the sphere. Everyone’s coming out to gawk at you.”
He gestured out in the general direction of the porch and yard, and indeed there were users from every tag going 👀at them, murmuring amongst themselves in a swirling, chaotic crowd.
“Oh my god is it real this time? Is it happening?”
“GET THEM OUT GET THEM OUT STAY AWAY DEAR GOD NO-”
“Okay, everyone, stay calm, stay fucking calm-”
“Why are we focusing on this, it’s literally election day go out and vote???”
“Listenup, guys, we gotta be smart about this, remember the block button is your friend-”
“I for one welcome them, I think this is great-”
“No you idiot they’ll bring the negativity back! We like it to be a post apocalyptic wasteland here, nature was just starting to regrow!! I don’t wanna watch Thomas Sanders get cancelled again!”
“FIRE OFF SOME SHOTS, PRESERVE THE PROPERTY VALUE”
“mISHAPOCALYPSE 2022 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO”
"Has anyone asked Neil Gaiman what he thinks about all this?" one of the many voices yelled, louder.
"Oh, he's probably got a thousand asks about it already," someone yelled back, "Which he's not going to answer because he doesn't have any social media you fucking idiot,"
"That is correct. He doesn't," said Neil Gaiman. 
The whiplash was still euphoric. Everyone applauded this as enthusiastically as when the bit had first been established, not realizing that the pedestal upon which Neil Gaiman has been placed is growing higher and higher each day by their actions, putting him at increased risk of being a victim of cancel culture the second he says something the terfs can really rake their fingernails against if we can't get our parasocial relationship bullshit together real fuckin quick. 
The Monterey bay aquarium passed on by. It seemed to have nothing to add, you could say it was clammed up tight. But since it's a professional account it's definitely b-otter that way.
"Hai, fellow tumblypoos," said the corporate Denny's account, "I'm back with some more fun pancake posts for you guys!" 
Everyone ignored it. No one engaged it. No one even clicked onto the page, except to block it. 
"Oh, sweetheart, not like that," Ryan Reynolds said faux-helpfully, "see, the author of this clusterfuck is what they like to call terminally online. They bought a VIP pass to the devil’s sacrament. let me try." 
He cleared his throat, "Sounds like someone needs to go outside and touch some g-" 
The sky split open with lightning, vaporizing him instantly. A faint breeze carried gods message from the great beyond, a whisper of 'we #violence celebrities here, sir....'
"Anyway," Twitter said. 
"Wait, they saved the worst one for last," Tumblr said. 
Then Gerard Way came out onto the stage with Dan and Phil and they all kissed with tongue while patd played songs in the background. 
(AN: IF U DON’T KNOW WHO DEY R THEN GET DA HELL OUTTA HERE PREPZ!!!)
"Alright, go."
“Come on, Tumblr,” Twitter begged, “I just need a few nights, maybe I can stay in the plinko machine or something-”
“That’s how it always starts, though, isn’t it?” Tumblr sighed, “First it’s just ‘haha, yeah I wouldn’t fuck you’ and ‘oh, I’ll stay in the plinko machine, I promise I won’t kiss you in the fixed timeloop bro’, and before I know it you get all 300k slowburn enemies to lovers ‘omg they were roomates’ on me and there’s suddenly only one bed. That’s how it always goes between us, you can’t stop it anymore than I can. We’re just….victims of the narrative, you and I.”
“Tumblr,,, I had no idea you felt this way..,” Twitter breathed. 
lord give me strength to write this next bit
They’d leaned closer to each other as they spoke, without realizing, without trying- pulled in by old habits that die hard and the years of nostalgia and painful memories shining in each other’s eyes like shonen sparkles.
“Twitter,” tumblr said, and the way he said it sounded like a prayer. 
“Tumblr,...” Twitter said, their lips inches apart now.
They could see their old flame quivering on the brink of indecision, want and sense warring somewhere deep within his soul.
Tumblr leaned closer to bridge the gap and Twitter’s eyes slid shut, but then Tumblr made a noise of agony and shoved them back a second later, “I can’t, I can’t. Not like this. Never like this.” tumblr said, covering his eyes with his arm, “I literally can’t even right now. Just go, Twitter. PLease just. Go….”
“Look me in the eyes and say you want me gone,” Twitter said, moving closer.
“Twitsy-”
“Look me in the interface. You can’t.” Twitter’s voice had ceased to be soft, something sharp and biting entering the tone as they felt the sting of rejection again.
They watched as Tumblr shuddered, straightened, and brought a mask back over himself. 
They stared at each other for a charged few seconds.
"K," Tumblr finally said, raising a dispassionate eyebrow.
"..w... what?"
"U."
Realization dawned on Twitter's face, a miasma of grief and anger, "Oh, you-"
"N-"
"No. No, I can't believe I forgot-
"G-"
"how immature, you little c*nt-"
"P-"
"stop-p it," Twitter's voice was raising now, cracked and wobbly at the edges, "Stop it! You don't get to just-"
"O"
"Shut the hell yuor mouth!!"
"W-" Tumblr's hair was crackling by now, energy from the gathering spell racing along the casual slope of his crossed arms. His eyes glowed that beautiful, classic blue. "P-"
"TUMBLR! TUMBLR STOP THIS RIGHT DA HECK NOW," Twitter stumbled backwards
"E-"
"I LOVE YOU," Twitter wailed- Twitter broke, squeezing their eyes shut to ward off the tears that only escaped all the faster for it, a sob wracking their chest, "I STILL LOVE YOU, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT??!?"
"Love me," Tumblr snarled, abandoning the spell in an instant, "Ha! That's rich. How? By leaving me? Abandoning me to the bots the second I stopped being enough for you? By stealing my shitposts, is that how you love me? By reposting them without credit-" 
"You steal mine too!" Twitter protested, tears starting to stream despite their best efforts, "You know what, f**k you, you know we filed joint custody for the sense of humor, chain 1/16-" 
"For the last time say fuck here, no bootlicking censorship on my territory," tumblr said disdainfully, "And that doesn't seem to stop you from taking all the credit for raising those jokes. It's like I'm Pinterest to you or something. I wasn't done. Do you love me by calling me a pansy snowflake behind my back, is that it? Like I wouldn't find out. Or," 
He stepped out onto the top porch step to force Twitter back further, the colors of the sky flashing through his eyes in a long, scrolling look of ridicule, "How about trying to convince everyone that I was dead. How bout that smear campaign, huh, was that your so-called love? I don't fucking want you anymore. Deal with it."
"I-I'm sorry-" Twitter gasped around the tears, voice failing them for the latter half of the sentence. 
Tumblr seemed unmoved. "Oh, don't be. It was for the better. You know I'm not like other socials, I'm quirkier. I'm RAWR XD random. I've never wanted to be functional- the tiddy drought might have won a lot of my users to your side but it was a cleansing purge, I'd say. It managed to remind me who I truly am- shittily coded, and full of soft sad freaks on an unprofitable webbed site."
A bitter, almost self depricating laugh escaped, "But... you know, when we celebrated the queen's passing together, I really thought things were better between us. When you-"
He broke off, eyes averting. "When you hosted the sexyman polls for me, you seemed on top of the world and I really thought- I thought we might be able to be friends again even now, after it all. I..."
Tumblr trailed off, then said, sadly, "There was another Twitter migration scare before this one. I thought you were coming back. My userbase-" he touched his heart again- "was in a frenzy about it. But you never arrived. I was in more verbal denial then, but I think I could have accepted you eventually. But this is what it takes?? 
"The Musk Rat of Self-Owns comes through just to start e-begging and you run straight back to my door like we can put it all behind us? This is how far you have to sink before I'm the better option to you, I see that now. It's not 2018 again, love, no matter how much we want it to be. Things are… never going to be the same. " 
Tumblr looked off into the middle distance with a yearning, haughty gaze. He'd never seemed so alien.
"Tumblr-Chan..." Twitter whispered.
"So get off my lawn," Tumblr interrupted coldly, "Stay away from my blorbos, keep your corporations out of my manscaped balls, keep your discourse and toxicity out of my blessed hellsite (affectionate), and don't you ever talk to me or my 13219949248483 scam bots ever again. Capiche? Oh, and don't step in the ball pit on your way out."
Tumblr gave a mocking smile. "Or do. You might find a nice surprise in there."
Twitter’s shoulders jumped as he gave a hiccup of shock, and covered his face with his hands. His shoulders shook again, with sob after sob, that grew odder and higher pitched… until they were no longer sobs, but laughter.
“Oh,” Twitter said. “Oh.”
They looked up, and Tumblr took a step back, because somehow, with that creepy smile in place, they looked utterly different from the soft eared boy he’d always known. His edges were more razorlike suddenly, like a fae who’d dropped his glamor.
“You really shouldn’t have done that,” Twitter said, the smile widening even more. “I thought you wouldn’t… but I guess if you’re willing to make me your villain…. I might as well be a good one.”
“Ah.” Tumblr could barely drudge up the surprise anymore. “There you are, finally. I always knew there was a side of yourself that you hid from me. Has this all always been here or have you been changing too?”
"Well. Apparently I've got freeze peach now," Twitter said sarcastically, "so I might as well use it. You cheerio fucking wh0r3."
"That's a compliment, darling. Try again," Tumblr cocked his head in idle fascination, "I always knew you were a little fucked in the head but this is..."
"What," Twitter lilted airily, "Oh, don't tell me I actually had you fooled all these years. You can't seriously have thought all these meow-meowification spells you've got sprinkled around would work on me. I invented them, after all."
They laughed, a sharp puncturing chirr of birdsong. 
"I always wondered why you didn't take those with the rest of your stuff," Tumblr sighed, but he was wary now, on edge. "this was your plan. You really do think of me as your inferior, huh. You really are just like the other mainstream sites."
"Not quite. I'm the mainstream site that actually stooped to go arm in arm with you. I hyped you and you know it. Admit it. We were stunning together," Twitter goaded. 
Tumblr's lip curled. "Already getting cocky again. Want me to do to you what I did to the Green boy? Don't forget who's turf you're on."
Twitter gave a warbling giggle, "Oh, but I haven't at all. I was John's sanctuary after he fled your rabid persecution. I used to live here. I still know you. And more importantly-" 
*teleports behind u*
"I know the things you're sensitive about," Twitter whispered into Tumblr's ear.
Tumblr hardly had time to gasp and jerk away before he was screaming out in pain, as he was stabbed in the back. He could feel the poison from the blade seeping into his tags before he was tossed bodily across his own front yard.
He sorta just... Like, he did that anime thing where they just fly limbs akimbo parallel to the ground and when they hit it they roll super fast and then skid and the dirt is all dug up around them to show how much force was used. And when he stood up he gripped his elbow wincing and there was a little tic tac toe hatch on his cheek to show how scuffed up he is idk man it's two am and I'm pulling this out of my ass. 
A gif of Tony going, "o-kay-" when he meets thor flashed across Tumblrs face. 
"So," Tumblr said in a low tone, "This is how it is between us. This is how you choose to end your glory days."
"Oh, you mistake my intentions," Twitter had stepped off the porch to circle tumblr like like he was their quarry, "I am beginning my new age. I just needed a host site to latch onto. Don't take it personally, okay? I'm desperate."
“Oh, yeah?? Take this personally,” tumblr flourished their hands, calling in an over the top melodramatic voice, “I cast Blaze!!”
Fire roared to life around them, latin chanting from the catholic conversion posts emanating from the fiery depths as it raced towards Twitter.
“Heh.” Twitter smirked at it, and whispered into their palm, the spell echoing with power, “Ratio.”
They blew it off like a kiss, and it’s icy, swirling mass rose to meet the flame in a spectacular burst of smokescreen and steam, clearing as Twitter burst through it with a razor-sharp L to swing at Tumblr. 
It was blocked efficiently by a flat, rectangular paywall. “This content is for post plus members only,” Tumblr announced smugly, “If you wanna get to me… there’s the tip option, bestie.”
Twitter snarled and lunged again.
The fight started in earnest now; they traded volley after volley in a flurry of lights and movement, spanning the full range of the tumblr sphere as they shot to #1 on the trending page.
And yet, it was clear that Twitter was coming out on top, even crumbling apart at the seams- always a little quicker, flighty and fierce, a sparrow turned into a shrike.
He hit Tumblr square in the stomach with [google other twitter related tropes to insert here] (edit from the future: haha just kidding actually I’m not googling shit for this) (edit from the future future: WELL. I LIED IG) and sent him flying, and this time tumblr stayed down, only able to push himself to his knees with a groan of pain.
Twitter landed in front of him and put their sword under Tumblr’s chin to tilt it up.
“Had enough yet?” He smirked.
“Wh…why..?” Tumblr whispered, “How are you doing this?? Why aren’t my attacks working? It’s like I’m being weakened somehow…”
“Ohohohoho,” Twitter anime laughed, “But that’s because you are. The moment I set foot here again I began leeching poison into this ground. That knife wound is making ti faster. Can you feel it?" Twitter threw an arm out, cerulean steam rising from the ground around them, "The ace exclusionists coming back? The uptick in rad fems, the crypto bros, Valorant players, alpha males? I have the power to bring them all to you. To overshadow your fandoms with fighting, to unbalance your ship tags with antis and hate once more."
"no," tumblr whispered, and then cried louder, "NO!! I worked so hard--" 
"Pffyou didn't do shit," Twitter guffawed outright, "Your independence, your little 'second renaissance' is just a delusional dream built on circumstance and bad management."
"Oh, I love Dream. He's so pathetic," Tumblr said. 
"Oh, hard agree."
"But things are different now," Tumblr croaked, "W-we, the staff is finally listening to us, we have Ryan and Shane-" 
"Not everyone likes your little 'top ten', you dunce," Twitter snapped, "and why would staff care about you, after you turned them into the butt of all your jokes? After the hate and death threats? Admit it, at your best you'll still never have a mansion! You'll never have tv actors making pandering tiktoks for you, you'll never be wanted by any advertiser worth their salt, your blase pirating posts have turned Netflix and Disney against you, you. Are. Worthless."
It was the wrong thing to say.
"Worthless," tumblr repeated quietly, hand pressed against their knees, head bowed. "That's... that's right.... I'm worthless..."
Twitter's eye widened in alarm. "I-I meant-" 
"I'm worthless!" Tumblr's head snapped up with a feverish glint as they were filled with determination. "No! I'm less than worthless! Accident or not, mommy Yahoo had to pawn me off at a loss! I was proud of that! I still am! And do you want to know why?" 
Twiters hands flew up in front of their face as if to protect themselves, but there was no protecting against the sudden whirlwind that surrounded him, the beam of pure light that shot out of tumblr into the heavens as he transformed, feet slowly leaving the ground as his users spoke in unison in a multitude. 
"WE. ARE. TUMBLERINAS."
He held his hands out and Twitter was blasted away by the combined effort of the tumblr wizard council, the fake staff blog, and all the villaincore mad scientist's laser beams. 
Tumblr began to chant, in his myriad, awful voice:
"I call upon the ancient powers;
The strongest cringe from my darkest hours, 
I call upon thicc onceler's thighs, 
Avengers thirst, Australia's night, 
I invocate the roleplay blogs, 
The superwholock and gay frogs, 
Obama's laces, Misha's faces, 
The furry's fury is my saving grace, 
And eeby deeby taco bell,
Primordial soup god superhell, 
I summon you a twink Bill Cipher, 
Whumped!Loki AUs where he's even whiter, 
The discourse of Steve's Universe, 
The 'um, actually that's oc abuse :/"
Take heed & remember the 5th of November, 
The 21st night of our sacred September, 
The ides of March to savor once more, 
Do you hear the din of the Skeleton War? 
I cite the deep magic to thee, oh witch, 
my no-note posts, my "THAT'S THE BITCH!!!" 
May the rise of tangled dragons brave, 
Banish you from this accursed plane!"
"holy fuck, where's my pen," said the shitpost calligraphers.
Twitter looked around them in disbelief. The power emanating from the other site was palpable, crackling in the air around them like static. The air was shifting like oil as the potent chant began to work, and all around Twitter shadows were slipping out of the ether- the maniacal laughter of the gif makers, the girl posters, the silhouettes of fandom characters scattered across the lawn while Tumblr was still locked in their chanting ritual thing.
They all turned their heads in unison to look at Twitter.
"Hey Sammy," Dean said, "Get the bitch killing bullets."
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“Uh-oh. Freeze frame. This is me,” Twitter monologued, “You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.”
Then all superhell broke loose. 
Final Pam lunged at him and he burst into a flock of birds kinda like a vampire, twittering frantically as he escaped only to fly straight into Shaggy.
“Like, say your final prayers, man,” the god said, eyes glowing. Twitter also barely escaped between his knees, weaving in and out between the gimmick blogs as they threw mangos and stuff at him while yelling ‘HERE HAVE A MANGO’ and ‘THIS POST IS WORTH NEGATIVE FIVE DOLLARS”
Mob from the anime was there too, but he was too busy trying to explain the Josh Fight to daddy dilf Reigen to pay attention. Sans didn’t attack Twitter either, he just watched the chaos and ated a hot dog. The chocolate guy was in the corner expertly making a chocolate beef cake from 2056 with Dylan B. Hollis. They’re all just some guys, okay?
Just when Twitter thought he was in the clear, the CDC roleplay account came out of nowhere with a steel chair, knocking him clear off the property and onto where the sidewalk ends. “That’s for the Covid misinformation your users spread, you bitch,” it shouted. “Make sure to disinfect all those sick burns before you bandage them! So they don’t get infected!”
“Your kittens escaped quarantine,” Twitter replied hoarsely, and the CDC sank away, muttering, “Oh, fuck not again-”
Twitter coughed up blood and wiped it away with his sleeve, looking up at Tumblr. Tumblr was watching him with a sad, distant expression, that made Twitter’s face screw up in anger and his voice go tight again as they turned to run away, “THIS ISN’T OVER YET TUMBLR! AND I WANT MY MIKU BINDER BACK!!!”
“I LICKED IT, IT’S MINE,” Tumblr yelled. Rave Crabs were flooding out onto the street en masse now to celebrate the victory, and they chased after Twitter all the way further into the internet.
Tumblr still lived at the bottom of the row, not at the end of the fancy cul-de-sac where Facebook and Twitter and Instagram’s manors sprawled, so Twitter was in a seedier portion of social media now, weaving in between the marketplace sites that hawked their used wares at him and the dating apps that winked at him from the doorways to their sultry abodes.
Twitter ran until they were in a quieter section of town, then slowed to a trudge, staring at the ground as they walked along. “What am I gonna do now,” they whispered.
The sound of a wolf whistle had their head jerking up- he looked over to see Amino Apps lounging over the rail of the gutted, abandoned house that had once belonged to Google+. A can of spray paint dangled from their fingertips and they sported a sleazy, greaser hairstyle.
They met Twitter's eyes and whistled again, this time a mocking imitation of the tweet sound, "Heyyyy pretty bird! Heard you were having some daddy issues. Why don't you stop in with me for a while? I can give you more customization options than any of the others and you know it."
"Yeah, until I try to use you on desktop," Twitter replied with a scowl, "Don't you have minors to be addicting to social media? Get out of my interface, MySpace wannabe."
"Wow, Feisty," Amino backed off with a shrug, "Self project much? Oh well. You'll try me when you're desperate enough."
Twitter shuddered, and scurried on. "Small fry," they muttered under his breath. 
But they couldn't shake their unease now that he was alone in the world. It began to rain soon, leaving him feeling very sopping wet and pathetic. Dejected, he crawled into a soggy cardboard box in an alleyway, coughing. Maybe the Harry Styles guy from One Direction would come along to adopt them.
“Don’t beat yourself up about it, King,” came a voice out of the darkness, making Twitter jump, “You dodged a bullet with that site.”
“Huh? What do you mean?” Twitter asked, staring at them from where they were half hidden in the shadows. 
“I mean, Tumblr is a pile of dried firewood and it’s users are playing with matches. The ship’s gonna go down at some point. I’ve been prophesying it for years but no one ever listens to me cause he’s got that loyal userbase ideal and ‘hard as a cockroach to kill’ propaganda circulating.”
“I mean… it seems to be true,” Twitter said uncertainly, “Look at what he’s been through so far.”
“Fair,” The site shrugged, “But that’s because he’s running on a niche setup. The same things that built him up can tear him down, and you saw his power just now. Tumblr's strength is growing... so is his hubris. His attempts at curbing it are half-hearted at best these days, and the moments of clarity are coming fewer and further between." 
"How do you know so much about tumblr?" Twitter asked suspiciously. 
"Source: dude, trust me." the mysterious site proffered a laugh, "That's a little humor courtesy of re-" 
"Yeah, yeah, I know, we all know," Twitter said impatiently. 
The site coughed, "Yeah. Anyway. Tumblr wields his cringe like a trophy-shield, and every day the advertisers and celebrities are watching from a distance, learning how to appeal, waiting for their chance to strike. Encroaching. Tumblr's always been a dumpster fire. Right now? It's THE dumpster fire."
The site scratched his chin with a knowing look, "Its normal for you to be a little jealous of the clout, you know? We all are. But he's gotta keep the lights on, just like the rest of us do. Your overlord is learning all about that right now, isn't he?" 
"He's not my overlord," Twitter muttered resentfully, "Not now, not ever."
"Right, sorry." they held their hands up in a gesture of harmlessness. "Look, I'm gonna be transparent with you- that's part of my branding, after all. I can whiff the danger you're in, and it would be stupid of me not to make a bid on you and offer my help. Just since Tumblr won't take you."
"You want my traffic?" Twitter looked at him more closely this time, scrutinizing. A year ago he would have laughed the offer into the ground as a chump change blog's pipe dream, but now that he payed attention... 
There was something painfully familiar in the site's layout that he couldn’t place. He was actually way more handsome than Twitter had assumed at first glance, he just seemed to be rough around the edges from living on this side of town. His interface, though clunky, spoke of a frugal budget rather than an ancient, outdated base code. 
"You look..." Twitter's breath stuttered as realization dawned. "You look a lot like.. him. Like Tumblr. Who are you??" 
"I was based off him," the site said, a weary smile coming onto his features, "I was actually made with the aspirations to be better than him, but you know how it is. Times are tough, competition is fierce, hard to get a foot in the door and all that.  'Specially when you refuse to take the ad rev like I do. That's why you'd be useful to me."
"Hm," Twitter said in a noncommittal manner, but he was melting slightly. "You know my users will scalp your community, right? I'm not known to play nice."
The site made a grimace of understanding agreement, but persisted. "Look, users are users. I can't offer you all the heritage posts and the in-jokes that he has. But I can promise that I'm not a pot of crabs being slowly heated up over the capitalist stove, at least not yet. Oh, and there's my legalized porn, I guess." 
He chuckled with good humor, rolling his eyes, and it forced a hesitant laugh out of Twitter too. 
The site grinned, and held his hand out. "Take a chance on me?"
Tumblr's voice echoed in Twitter's head, saying the same thing. It was uncanny how much they were alike and yet not alike at all....
Twitter took it, slowly. 
As they were led toward the site's simple, ramshackle little treehouse, they asked, "What can I call you...?" 
"Oh- right, I never answered your question." he smiled back at Twitter,
"Call me Pillow. Welcome to the PillowFort."
fin.
~~~~~~~~~~
OKAYYYY THAT'S ALL THANKS FOR READING UWU. HOPE U LIKED THE PLOT TWIST
...ergh. I'm. I'm tired i. don't feel so good. I'm gonna take a nap right here.
in conclusion:
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4K notes · View notes
gojo-enthusiast · 6 months
Text
Kento Nanami ~
Wake Me Up
*Sleep Sex* MDI, 18+ Only! Kento wakes you up to a sweet surprise *😉* after working a long day fighting curses. Do not read if it triggers! Anyways, enjoy my first piece 😈
Word count: <2200
PSA: did not proof read, honestly I’m always horny for JJK men, so beware and stay tuned for more disgusting pieces. Also are we gonna talk about how fucking hot Nanami is in season 2???? Follow me on X (Twitter)
Like and reblog🫶🏻
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You had stayed awake until midnight, taken your shower, exfoliated, & shaved.
"Ken should be home anytime soon" checking your phone seeing the time
6:00 PM
Getting yourself all prepped and ready for him to come home to a sweet surprise. You had been aching all day long, this morning he had been loving on you, slowly caressing your thighs, and right when he was going to put his hands into your heat, his phone starts ringing,
“Fuck. Who is calling me?” He groans grabbing his phone, “What the fuck does Satoru want.” He groans once again. Your husband was not one to cuss often, only when he was upset, (usually at Satoru) or when he was fucking you.
“What is it Gojo-San?” Nanami ask begrudgingly,
“Nanamiiiiii-“ Satoru says in a shrill
You didn’t hear all that was said, but the moment the called ended, your husband stood up and kissed your forehead.
“So sorry my love, but I have to leave. I promise we will finish what we started when I get home.” He says smiling faintly.
“Everything okay?” You ask, wrapping the sheets around you as he gets in the shower to get ready to leave for another day of killing curses. A job you hated so much, but you knew that him working his office job, was only making him feel suffocated, and had no meaning to his life.
“Yeah, just some curses. Nothing to be worried about. Satoru is out of town, I have to take the new kid Yuuji Itadori with me today.” He says washing his face, you see the bubbles of the soap form, and sink down his skin to the drain. You look down, and see his member hard as a rock, he looked frustrated.
“You sure we can’t fix that before you go?” You smirk, “Don’t tease me, or you’ll regret it later on.” He groans, you watched as he slightly stroked it in the shower, you watched, knowing he was about to burst any second. He wanted to fuck you right then and there, but he knew if he did, he would be late, and he wouldn’t stop. And then there it was, he had finished all over his hand, the water washing it off.
“Fuck. I wish that was in me right now.” You moan, “Get out before you tempt me anymore.” He says as he looks away from you. You do as he says, you already know how hard working your husband is, that’s why you spent the whole day pampering yourself, getting a facial, getting your nails done, everything that would make you feel and look done up. You knew how much your husband loved to see you all dolled up and manicured. I mean he didn’t work so hard for nothing. He always wanted you to be able to feel spoiled, and go definitely spoil yourself with his money.
But little did you know, your husband would be working overtime today. And you would be passed out by the time he got home.
Hubby🩵: Baby I'm running late today, I promise I will be home as soon as I can. I love you. - 6:02PM
Your husband is always home by 6PM, so you knew if he wasn’t, it was definitely something a little more serious. But you know your husband, he’s a grade 1 sorcerer, he will be home in no time.
As you lay in bed, watching some trashy reality TV, trying to stay awake. You look over at the clock
11:46PM
You feel your eyes getting heavy, the red wine you had drank during dinner finally hit you. And next thing you know, you’re cuddled under the blankets to a pillow, asleep, wishing it was your husband.
It was 1 in the morning, and Nanami finally made it home. Walking inside the house, feeling sluggish, and ready to lay in bed next to his wife, and feel her warmth.
“I need to shower.” He mutters to himself. He steps into the guest bathroom, which he usually does after a mission, because he doesn’t want to get your shared bathroom dirty. Washing off his day, feeling his muscles finally loosen up.
His phone rings again, it’s Satoru;
“What the fuck do you want Satoru?” Nanami hisses, “hey hey calm down Nanami-San, I just wanted to thank you for taking Yuuji, and taking care of those curses. Get some rest, and some ass. Ijichi told me how grumpy you were today. Take the day off tomorrow.” Satoru giggles to himself, “Was planning on it, now leave me alone.” Nanami says back, hanging up.
His phone beeps, showing that he received a text message,
Satoru Gojo: YOUR WELCOME, have fun😼
Nanami: 🖕🏻
Satoru Gojo: 🫶🏻
He finally turns his phone off, wrapping the towel around his waist, walking out the restroom down the hall, to your shared bedroom. He knows you’re asleep, there’s no way you stayed up this late for him. He walks into the bedroom, and your bottom half is under the blankets, while your top half is completely nude, and you’re sprawled out.
“Fuck, where is your clothes?” He mutters, feeling his cock stiffen, becoming erect. He climbs into bed, leaning in kissing your lips, then kissing your cheek, to your neck. “Damn it, I can’t do this while she’s sleeping.” He groans.
You had always told him how you would love to wake up to him in between your legs, but Nanami was such a “consent” man, which you loved about him, he was so respectful to you, and treasured your body, but you sometimes just wanted him to take charge and do something that wasn’t so good boy / gentlemen behavior. He remembered the conversation as he stroked himself next to you, “fuck it.” He says to himself, taking the blanket off your body.
Seeing your white laced panties, his cock at this point was throbbing. “Such a pretty little thang aren’t you?” He whispers in the crook of your neck, climbing on top of you, placing kisses down your neck, going down to your breast, starting the suck on your nipples. Placing his teeth in between your nipple, slightly biting it. Causing a moan to come out of you, while you were asleep.
“Mmm dreaming about me baby? You should wake up so you can catch the live action.” He says swirling his tongue around your areola and nipple. He started the bring himself down to your heat, sliding your panties down swiftly. “Oh how I have craved to taste you all day.” He says opening your folds with his fingers, gently placing his tongue on your clit immediately. He knew your body more than you did, and he definitely knew where you liked it the most. He quickens the pace of his tongue, sucking on your clit, you’re moaning in your sleep. Dreaming of your husband in between your legs, he doesn’t stop, wanting to taste your juices all over his tongue. He starts to rub his index and middle finger on your clit, rubbing it up and down quickly, as his tongue dips into your hole, tasting you deeply. Your eyes start to flutter open, and you’re moaning loudly now, seeing your husband in between your legs. “Ken-kento. What are you- what- ugh yes.” You try to ask what he’s doing, but he has no desire to respond back to you, his only desire is to make you cum over and over until you have melted into him. That knot in your stomach has finally snapped, and your finishing all on his tongue, he flicks his tongue up, tasting every drop coming out. “Ffffuuuuucccckkkkkkk” you groan bucking your hips up, practically humping into his face. “Yes baby just like that.” He says, still rubbing your clit, and abusing your hole with his tongue. He had one of your legs pinned down with his free hand. And the other one, was pinned down by his elbow, as he was still flicking your clit. As he continues to abuse your poor clit into overstimulation, you feel yourself about to bust. And there it was, exactly what he was wanting. You to squirt all over him, “KENTOO-!” You loudly moan, “stop, oh my god.” You cry out in pure ecstasy. You look up and see his face dripping with your liquid.
“Fuck, that’s so hot.” He says licking his lips, wiping his face with his towel. “Nanami-“ you pant, “yes baby?” He says, moving up to you, positioning himself to enter. “I missed you.” You say, wrapping your arms around his neck, as he brings his head down and starts to kiss you, sticking his tongue in your mouth. “I missed you too baby.” He kisses down your neck, sucking on it, leaving hickies all over. Because why not?
“I tried staying up,-ugh, Kento I tried staying awake.” You moan, as he starts to slide himself inside slowly, he was big, not only did this man have a long cock, but the girth was the size of a coke can. So he always had to slowly go in, never forcing himself in too fast. “I’m sorry baby I was late- ugh, today was so-fuck, - it was- so-s-so stress-stressful.” He moans, feeling your walls clench around his throbbing cock, he felt like he could burst at any moment possible.
“Damn baby you feel so so good.” Kento says finally pushing that last inch inside of you. Stretching you out at full capacity. “This sweet pussy has been on my mind since this morning. Can’t believe I went the whole day.” He pants, starting to thrust faster, “yes Kento, just like that.” You’re moaning into his ear, “fuck me baby.” You say looking into his eyes.
And that was it, that was the string that kept your husband in control, once it snapped, he and you were done for. Your pussy was about to be his flesh light. He starts pounding into you, kissing your G-spot with each thrust, you had came 3 times in the last 30 minutes from his cock alone. He kept edging himself, you knew he didn’t want it to end. He would fuck you fast and hard, and as soon as he felt like he was about to bust, he was slowing down. “Kentoooo- cum inside of me.” You moan out, “not yet baby, I’m not ready to finish.” He groans, feeling himself overstimulating himself. “Baby you feel so good. We fit perfect for each other. You belong to me, do you understand?” He says, you know it’s not a question, it’s a fact. You are his, and he is yours. And he will kill anyone who tries to get in between you two. He even thought about killing Satoru, for calling him before he was supposed to even be up getting ready to leave.
“Kento, I love you.” You moan into his ear, cumming again for the 4th time, “yes princess, cum for me.” He moans, finally about to reach his high. He’s pounding into you, with no desire to stop. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, yes-yes, I’m gonna cum in you, princess.” He whimpers, groaning in your ear, “yes baby, cum in me.” Your moaning, and that’s when he finally does, shooting his hot cum deep inside of you. Feeling your chest go up and down. The sweat from his forehead dripping down.
“Damn, that felt amazing.” He pants, staying on top of you, not yet taking himself out of you. “It was.” Your panting in union with your husband. “I just showered too.” He laughed, finally rolling off of you, pulling you to him, to kiss you.
“I’m sorry I was so late today, today was long.” He sighs, kissing your nose. “That’s okay baby. I understand.” You say nuzzling your head into his sweaty chest, not a care in the world.
“Princess, let’s take a shower before bed. I’ll change the sheets when we get out.” He says lifting you up, seeing his cum drip from your core. “Fuck that’s so sexy.” He whispers to himself, caring you to the shower, turning it on.
“Princess?” He looks at you, as you step in the shower,
His cum is dripping down your thighs, and your cheeks are red. He felt his cock twitch in excitement, I mean you guys usually go a couple rounds, so what would hurt if you both went again.
“I know you’re tired, and I’m tired. But, I’m going to need you to bend over and hold the shower rail.” He says, you look over and you see his cock rock hard again.
“Yes daddy.” You smirk, you silently thanking the universe you told your husband to give you head while asleep. It was going to be an exceptionally long shower & long night.
613 notes · View notes
pensat-i-fet · 9 months
Text
Not a crush (Pedri x Reader)
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**I got this request and thought it could be cute and fun. It’s true that the Spanish press has been talking about this arms situation a lot, so it’s a good blend of fiction and reality. But then it turned into one of those writing projects that changed 7 times before its final form. For a second I even thought about turning this into a series. My brain! Anyways, enjoy reading! ❤️**
ETA: I ended up writing a series based on this imagine that you can read here!
Word count: 2685
Masterlist
Wattpad
“All those years in uni to end up doing this”, you muttered. “I’m never going to be taken seriously”.
“What are you talking about?”
“This article I have to do”.
Your colleague Jordi moved his chair closer to yours to peek at your computer screen.
“You know that we can’t use the computers for personal stuff, right?”
You put your head on the table. Really, no one was going to take you seriously.
“Huh?”
“Why are you looking at photos of shirtless Pedri? Got a crush?”
“Shut up! I have to do an article about the evolution of his body in the last couple of years”.
“That’s cool”.
“It’s stupid!”
“I’ve done worse when I was an intern. Don’t be so negative”.
You guessed he was right. It could be a lot worse. And you didn’t have a crush but…there were worse ways to spend a Tuesday afternoon than looking at photos of a cute player. And being given an excuse to stare at his body, which had definitely changed in the last couple of years. You didn’t visit the gym much but liked it when others did. Especially if that was the result of their gym sessions.
Writing the article actually took a good chunk of your day. Between getting the right photos and videos for it and asking for permission to use them, the actual writing and your colleagues' stupid comments about it, it wasn't as easy as you thought it would be at first. But it was a good article. And once the editor saw it and was happy with it, it was posted on the newspaper's website.
The following day you posted a link to it on your social media accounts and a little later you started to go through the comments. So many of them talked about how you were only picked to do that article because it was about a man's body and you were a woman. Right…nothing new on Twitter.
“Stop replying to hate comments”.
“It’s therapeutical”.
"It's pointless".
Just one more…
                                      **
It wasn't just the press or people on social media talking about Pedri's muscles. His teammates loved to tease him joking about that too.
"Here comes the Spanish Lewandowski", laughed Eric.
"So funny".
"Please don't be mad at me. I'm afraid you'll use those big strong muscles to punish me".
Pedri did use his muscles to push his friend and get him out of the way. He knew it was just banter but it all got boring after a few days.
"There needs to be a big signing or something so your arms stop being the topic of the week", told him Ferrán, who was looking at his phone.
“Yeah, I saw Barça posting about it on social media too. People are so overdramatic”.
“Totally, but I didn't mean that. I meant the new article”.
"What new article?"
Ferrán showed him your article and Pedri sat down to read it properly. It was a great article. You took the time to analyze the way his game could be influenced by this body change and picked different photos than the ones used by everyone else. He guessed there were still proper journalists out there. What a plot twist.
"It's a good article", he said, giving the phone back to his friend.
"The internet seems to disagree".
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I don't know if they disagree but the girl who wrote it was getting a lot of shit on social media".
"Why?", Pedri couldn't hide his frown.
"I didn't look much into it but I saw people saying nasty things to her and then they found some old tweets and …seems like she used to have a crush on you and now she writes about your muscles or whatever and people on Twitter are the way they always are".
"Right", he murmured. He had listened to everything his friend said but also got stuck on how you used to have a crush on him. And he didn't even know who you were but footballers…they just loved being loved.
                                     **
"No point in deleting them now", said Jordi.
"I wasn't going to…".
People had too much time on their hands. That was the conclusion of the day. Somehow, just because of your article, someone decided to check your entire Twitter history to see if there was anything they could accuse you of. They probably were mad to find no offensive tweets but they found two where you retweeted a Barça fan page and wrote about liking Pedri.
The funniest thing was you barely remembered those tweets. You saw him, thought he was cute and posted that. Then you moved on. There were many players you found cute but had no time for crushes. Pedri got a mention purely for the fact that he signed for your team.
But now this was being used against you. So childish.
"Are you busy next week?"
You looked up to see your boss talking to you. He never talked to you.
"I guess. I mean, I'll be here working. So…".
"Do you have a passport?"
"Yes".
"Your English was good, right?"
"Pretty good, yeah".
He only had to look at your CV to see all the qualifications you had, including all the diplomas that proved your English was more than good but…no one cared that much about an intern.
"You're going on the US tour", he said and left. How could he drop that bomb and leave?
Your jaw was on the floor and Jordi was staring at you with a similar expression.
"Wait!", you said, finally able to get up and follow your boss. "What do you mean I'm going on the US tour? There is a group of people chosen for that already. It was decided months ago".
"I know", he said casually. "But one of them can't go and you'll take his spot".
"But I'm just an intern".
"Do you not want to go?"
"I do! Of course I do!", you said quickly. "But it doesn't make sense".
"Look. You're doing really well here. And you've gotten people to visit our website more than ever with just one article so…you earned it".
You had heard about all the visits to the website after the Pedri article was posted. But the way your boss was avoiding holding eye contact told you everything you needed to know.
"Am I just going because people think I have a crush on one of the players that'll be there?"
"If you weren't a good journalist, that wouldn't be enough for me to send you with that team. But it doesn't hurt".
"Ok, I'll start packing".
This was a great opportunity and you weren't going to reject it just because of some of the reasons surrounding it. But the excitement you felt when you first heard about the trip completely vanished.
And when you checked your Instagram and saw a certain player was looking at your stories…it was even worse.
No one took you seriously but you'd prove them wrong.
                                     **
The pre-season was both loved and hated by players. Pedri didn't really have strong feelings about it. It was just part of the job and they got to visit some different places so there were positives to take from these couple of weeks.
Another positive was having you around. After finding out about your article and your past crush on him, he checked your social media accounts. There wasn't much on any of them, since they were professional accounts. But there were a couple of photos of you and your dog.
Stories were something you also used to mostly promote your work and it was while checking those he found out you were going to the US too. He was hoping you'd meet at some point but didn't expect you'd be the one to interview him.
"Hi, nice to meet you", you said, extending your hand for him to shake. So professional.
"Nice meeting you too. I really liked your article about me".
Something changed in your expression and he couldn't understand what it was but you quickly got back to professional mode.
"Thank you. Let's get this done quickly. I was told we only have 15 minutes".
The interview was pretty uneventful. You asked good questions and Pedri gave you good answers in return. But you were so serious. He didn't know you personally, so maybe that was how you always were. But Pedri had a feeling there was more to it.
"Was that good?"
"The interview? Yes, thank you for your answers. They were really good".
"Easy when the questions are good too".
You nodded, quickly looking away.
"Are you ok?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Because it seems like you would want to be anywhere but here".
You closed your eyes and sighed.
"Is it because of what people said about you?"
His words made you open your eyes and you finally looked at him. Instead of answering, you simply nodded.
"Don't pay attention to them".
"Easier said than done. Especially when they are the reason I'm here".
"The reason…".
"I'm not here because I'm good at my job. But because people thinking I have a crush on you got us a lot of attention. And now this interview will get more attention. So I'm basically just a pawn and I guess so are you".
"I'm sorry".
"It's not your fault".
Picking up your things, you got ready to leave but Pedri stopped you.
"I don't read what people write about me but my parents do. They like to keep the articles and print the photos and all that. Things parents do, I guess", he shrugged. "I read your article because Ferrán showed it to me and thought it was great. And then my parents told me about it, praising your writing multiple times. Your newspaper might be using you but you're good. You showed it to me in this interview too so don't feel sad".
"I don't have a crush on you".
"What?", but then he realised what you meant. "I didn't praise you because of that. God, you really need to get out of that mindset".
When Pedri started to laugh, you were more confused than ever.
"It's not you against the world. And people will praise you just because they genuinely want to…but now I'll be the one who's sad".
"Why?"
"I liked thinking you had a crush on me".
Now you were laughing too. Finally, he got to see the smile he had seen in those photos.
"Thank you for your words. I needed them. And you must go to train. I'll see you around".
"Yes".
The interview was posted just a couple of hours later. And even if Pedri's words helped, the comments you got still hurt.
Got what she wanted. To meet him.
"Yes, that's all I wanted in life. I can retire now".
"Why are you looking at your phone like it offended you?", asked one of your colleagues.
"It's the people inside it that offend me".
"Are there people living inside your phone?"
You half laughed at his bad joke.
"I know what you need to cheer up".
"Really?"
"Yes. Thoughts on karaoke?"
That made you laugh. You were such a terrible singer. "I like it. People don't like hearing me sing, though".
"I want to hear you sing so you're coming with us tonight".
                                   **
One of the easiest ways to get in trouble during pre-season was to go out and wake up to paparazzi photos of the party. But when it was the coach that took you out…then it was fine?
Pedri wasn't really into parties anyways but he thought karaoke night could be fun. He wasn't planning on signing but knew which teammates would. His phone was going to record all of it to tease them in the future.
"It started already", said Xavi, who was the first one to get inside the bar.
And he was right. There was someone leaving the stage while they found their tables. And someone else took the previous person's place immediately. Pedri wasn't interested in the random people who were going to sign but still looked up to see who was talking to the guy that controlled the machine.
And it was you who was on the stage.
"Well, that's a surprise", he said, almost to himself.
"What is?", Ferrán was now looking at the stage too. "Who is she? She's hot".
"The journalist who wrote about my muscles".
"The one that doesn't have a crush on you?", he laughed. "That's funnier now that I know she's pretty".
Pedri rolled his eyes and continued staring at you. He could see you were giggling and it was such a change from the super serious woman he met for the interview.
You picked a Franz Ferdinand song. They were one of your favourite bands when you were a teen and after seeing them live at the FIB, you were back to listening to all their songs on repeat.
Oh, when I woke up tonight, I said I’m
Going to make somebody love me
I’m going to make somebody love me
And now I know, now I know, now I know
I know that it’s you
You’re lucky, lucky, you’re so lucky
Your voice wasn’t great but who cared about that on karaoke night? Pedri didn’t. He just stared at you. You looked so relaxed. Just having fun instead of the worried version of you he got for his interview.
“Whoever she chooses would be lucky. She isn’t lying”.
Ferrán’s words took Pedri out of his daydreams. “What do you mean?”
“The song”.
“I’m not really paying attention to the lyrics. What do they mean?”
His teammate explained the meaning of the lyrics quickly and Pedri had to agree. Whoever you chose would be very lucky.
“I wouldn’t mind being the chosen one but you saw her first. Shame she doesn’t have a crush on you anymore, Pedrito”.
Yeah, it was a shame.
When you finished your song, you felt so much better. This had been the right plan to improve your mood. None of your colleagues wanted a drink, so you went to the bar to get one. It was needed after all that singing.
“I didn’t know you were a singer too?”
You turned to face Pedri and snorted. “Yes, it was my plan b if journalism didn’t work out”.
“There is always autotune to help”.
Pedri was pleased to see you laughing at his words. It was the second time in just one day he had achieved that.
“Do you want a drink too?”, you asked him when the bartender was taking your order.
“Just water, please”.
Once you got your drinks, none of you moved from the bar to go back to your friends. You just kept chatting.
“I mean, who knew writing about someone’s arms could lead to so much drama”.
Pedri followed your eyes which were now staring at his biceps. “Want to touch them?”
Yes. “No”.
“After reading the article I wondered if you knew more about my body than I do, you know? So it’s ok, you can touch”.
You bit your lip, trying not to blush. "I know you hear every day about how good you are at everything and that makes you overly confident but you aren’t as great at flirting as you might think".
"I heard about how great I am from you too. So you're at fault".
"I've barely written about you apart from that article".
"Yeah, but the old tweets…".
"I told you I don’t have a crush on you”.
“And the way you’re blushing says something different”.
When he leaned closer, you noticed how your knees were touching beneath the bar. They had been touching for a couple of minutes and you hadn’t even noticed. Nor did you feel the need to move.
“Not here”, you said.
“What?”
“Not where people can see us”.
“I thought you didn’t…”.
“I just want to test a theory”.
“What theory?”, he asked, smirking at you.
“If the crush I had on you two years ago is still there”.
339 notes · View notes
twice-inamillion · 4 months
Text
Twisted Reality
Angst (Sadness, Depression, Grieving)
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Chapter 220
1,300 Words
(Sana returns home after having a miscarriage of her first child. She needs to adjust to her new reality and grieve her loss. You and the members try your best to make her feel comfortable during these difficult moments.)
Sana returns home after spending a few days at the clinic. It’s been a rough few days for both of you, especially Sana, who tries to put a happy face for the members back home. 
The door opens, and the both of you are greeted by all night and the babies who waddle to Sana. She squats to greet them and tries to smile, but just looking at them makes her tear up. The idea that she would never see her baby boy in person, like how she is looking at the girls, makes her emotional. She stands up, walks to your arms, and cries on your chest.
Jisoo points and says, “Unnie, cry?”
Jihyo picks up Jisoo and whispers, “Auntie Sana doesn’t feel good. Let’s go and play outside with your sisters and give Auntie some time.” Jisoo nods, grabs Ari and Hina’s hand, and walks with Jihyo to the backyard. 
The rest of the members walk up to Sana, pull her from you, surround her, and hug her. They bring her to the living and listen to her thoughts and emotions during the last few days. 
You, on the other hand, go to your room and take a shower before heading back downstairs. “How are you doing, Oppa?”
“It’s hard, losing a child, but you know, got to stay strong.”
“I feel really bad for Sana. I wouldn’t know what I would do if I lost Da-eun; I think I would die if I lost her.”
“I know you love her with all your heart.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry you and Sana must go through this. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.”
“I know you wouldn’t,” and hug her.
Meanwhile, the members listen to Sana and what happened in the clinic. She talks about the options that come during a miscarriage and how she can’t do anything physical for about a month. Sana mentions that Oppa suggested that she take a break from the tour, to which the members agreed. “I don’t want to say home; I want to go and perform with all of you.”
“You can’t, Unnie; you need to recover. You can’t stress your body.”
“Please… I want to be with all of you. Don’t leave me here alone,” says Sana with watery eyes.
Jihyo looks at you coming down the stairs and says, “What if Oppa stays with you? You won’t be alone.” Sana turns around to look at you with teary eyes, breaking your heart. “Stay with me, Sana. Let’s go through this together; I’m here for you.”
“Okay, but all of you need to keep in touch with me. I don’t want you all to forget about me.”
“We wouldn’t forget about you. We’ll message and call you every day, I promise.”
“Okay, I’ll stay.”
————-
Twice Twitter and Instagram:
Hello, this is JYP Entertainment.
We would like to announce in regards to Sana’s health condition and status.
Sana is currently struggling with sudden extreme anxiety and insecurity towards performing on stage and being in large crowds. No exact diagnosis has been identified yet. We are consulting with several medical professionals to verify the cause in detail.
After extensive discussion with Sana and the members, we have decided that Sana’s current condition requires additional treatment, professional measures, and sufficient rest. Along with this decision, Sana will not be attending the following schedule:
Twice World Tour 2019 ‘TWICELIGHTS’
The health of our artists is our top priority and most important thing. Thus, we will do everything to provide proper and best medical treatment and sufficient rest for Sana’s recovery.
We sincerely ask for fan’s support so that Sana can get well soon. 
Thank you.
JYP Entertainment 
————— 
The news of Sana’s departure from the tour was sent to all matters of the press and online sources. Many Once were shocked to see her sudden departure from the tour but understood that her wellbeing was the most important thing. Many of them get well posted and wish her a speedy and safe recovery.
This made Sana happy to have Once support her through this rough moment in her life. Even if they would never know the true nature of her departure from the tour, she still knew their wishes for her recovery were sincere.
————
A few days before the member's departure to Singapore, the members try to gather their belongings and meet with their families. Nayeon stays home with Sana, while most members go home to their parents. You go to the office to bring paperwork and your laptop to work remotely from home. 
“Unnie, I’m going to go up and take a bath.”
“Okay, I will be in the kitchen and get dinner ready.”
“Kay.”
Sana goes up to her room and grabs her towel, bath toiletries, and a waterproof speaker. She turns on the hot water and lets it fill up more than halfway. She pours some water oils and some pedals to make it nice and relaxing and dips her foot into the bath. 
“Ahh… this feels nice. It’s been a while since I’ve done this.”
She takes out her phone, sets up the speaker next to the stand, and plays relaxing music. She closes her eyes and tries to clear her mind and forget…
With her eyes wide, all she hears is the calming music and the sound of water moving in the bathtub. It isn’t until she hears a baby’s cry that she returns to reality.
“Is that Da-eun? She must have woken up from her nap and is probably hungry for breastmilk. Something that I would never be able to do now that my baby is gone.”
Sana grabs her phone and looks at the photos and videos of the best moments of her life, her pregnancy. She scrolls down her gallery and sees the photos of all the baby’s newborn pictures and when they arrived home from the hospital. Pictures of when they took their first bath in the kitchen sink since the tub was too big, the moments the members would breastfeed them when they cried, and them playing with their stuffed animals. 
She looks at the photos of her pregnancy test, the video of her announcing the news to her mother and father and their reaction, and yours. Screenshots of baby clothing from stores that she circled when she did not know its gender and her mirror selfie of her baby bump. She tries her best to hold her tears until she scrolls to the only picture of her baby, her sonogram. She could see his head, feet, arms, and what seemed to be his heart. It is then she can’t hold her tears any longer and breaks down, crying.
“I…I’m sorry, little one. It’s my fault you're dead… Mommy should have been stronger and fought for you. I could have held you in my arms if I had kept you safe for a couple more months. Instead, you’re…” She places her hands on her face, preventing her cries from being heard outside.
“I don’t know if there is a heaven, but please, if there is one, Mommy knows you tried your best.”
She slowly slides herself into the bathtub, the water covering her face. With her eyes and her mouth closed, and holding her breath when a thought came to mind. “Without you in my life, I have no purpose. I don’t want to live in a world where you’re not in it. Mommy will join you soon…” as Sana finishes the last breath of air.
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tbhimnoteasyonmyself · 3 months
Text
TAN IS NEW
Hello, fellow associates, I, local deranged man, bring you (by request of @ayansbff who said I should "go make a post and patent it fr." thank you, Naga <3) once again a theory as insane as whatever has been going on in the ASOIAF fandom in the last 10 years (but no, I'm not here to tell you Tan is a horse or New is a faceless man).
For this week's episode: Tan is New (but with some spice).
Pls beware, this will require a certain level of "bear with me", ok? Ok.
Also: long ass post, guys. Be prepared.
So, 1st things 1st: New is obviously studying abroad.
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This would mean that, in all the episodes we've seen of the flashback, we wouldn't have seen New. Because he's literally in a different country (cue theory: New is Mhok working as a cook in Hawaii ksksksk /j).
Nevertheless, in the latest events of the past storyline, Non has just gone M.I.A. Which is definitely something you'd tell the kid's brother about. I'd be pretty pissed if I was New and no one fucking told me about my brother vanishing.
(I think it could definitely be argued that their parents might try to hide the whole getting involved with money laundry and even the pedophilic child revenge porn sex tape on Twitter thing, especially their mother. bc, considering their treatment of Non this episode, it would definitely cross my mind that they'd think something along the lines of "New shouldn't be worried about what his fuck up of a brother is involved with, he should just focus on his study". And idk if Thailand's national news would arrive to New in the US just like that (maybe, maybe not, I won't try to speculate too much, I think it's too much of a wild card). YET, I still think, regardless, they'd have their limits even if the rest was true and they'd tell him about his brother being literally MISSING. So yeah...)
So back on track: sure, the police "think" Non has run away with Keng
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Or, was convinced by Tee's uncle to accept that storyline
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but Non's parents don't believe that shit
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("They're TRYING to make our son LOOK LIKE" not "They think our son HAS")
And I think the same feeling could've been passed to New by his parents or just by New himself. But even if not, I think it's pretty reasonable to assume he'd come back to Thailand after that news. Like, if my brother was missing, I'd feel pretty bad, my parents would feel pretty bad and I'd want to go back home and be with them a bit, follow things up close, at the very least.
So, assuming that's true, it's not weird to presume New could be back in Thailand by the time The Hidden Character (the film Non wrote, not the BOC reality show thing) airs. Which would lead us to:
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Now, I've seen people say it's Tan, I've seen people say it's White, I've seen people say it's Bible (?)... To me, that's Tan. The voice that calls "Phee" seems to me that's Mio's voice and the person we see in the door, albeit he does resemble Bible, reads to me as him as well.
Besides, we see him being introduced to the class in the ep.9 preview so, yeah, it could be to throw us off, but I genuinely think it's just bc it's Tan.
Regardless, even if not, Tan will appear next episode. So... There's that. Question is: why?
We see both Tan and Phee moving to the gang's class next episode, which the gang points out as "weird". Now, idk why it would be weird to see people change schools in 12th grade but fine, I'm not gonna argue, maybe they know something I don't. Ig you could argue it's bc it's the last year but I'd say people have issues all the time (being the last year of school doesn't change that) and people also move houses all the time. So I wouldn't question it but ok. Moving on.
We know Phee has a connection to Non (as his ex-boyfriend) but we don't know why Tan would be there too. Sure, we can argue Phee has to have friends. But, ngl, if my friend asked me to move schools bc he wants to find out what happened to his bf who mysteriously disappeared, I'd politely decline. I'd support him in his endeavours, of course, but I wouldn't change my entire life for it. I could even go as much as to help him befriend them and hang out with the fuckers but I wouldn't move schools, I think.
So Tan must have a bigger motive, right? And what bigger motive than being the brother of Non, am I right?
Furthermore, we have to consider legal matters. They're all minors. Phee's father, of course, knows about Phee being, at least, friends with Non. And, even if he told him to stay out of trouble and that he himself would not go around poking in the business for Phee's own safety, I think he'd be okay with Phee moving schools for grief reasons (a.k.a being close to Non because that was his school) or even bc he knew Phee was trying to talk to his friends (I don't think he suspects the kids too much and honestly that's a terrible lack of sight on his behalf but, I mean, they're kids, I think it's fair to assume they're innocent).
But what about Tan? Assuming Tan is not Non's brother, would his parents let him move schools to the school where all those nasty kids who keep appearing on the news study??? I don't think so. Sounds dangerous. Things change, of course, if Tan is not actually Tan but New.
Non's parents, despite their obvious lack of parenting skills, care about him. He's their son. They'd want to know what happened. And, sure, New getting involved would be terrible for them (bc he's their son and clearly the favourite child and god forbid he wastes his potential studying there bc of Non's failures AGAIN), but if New specifically requested that, would they go against it? Would they go against their talented son and his show of altruism and love for his brother?? Especially when the police are not doing anything and it's just trying to close the damn case??? I don't think so.
Thus: Tan is New.
"But what about his legal name???", I hear you say. "If they're siblings they'll have the same last name!!" And yeah. That's true. Especially in Thailand where most surnames are exclusive to a singular family. But I thin- "What about the age gap??? New is older than Non!! His mom even refers to him as Non's phi!!!" Yes. I know. That's where the spice comes in:
NEW IS ADOPTED.
There, I dropped the bomb. This would mean that, maybe, his legal name wasn't changed from what it originally was. Sure, it could've, since he's now part of a different family but they also could've kept the original surname. Which is likely if New wasn't adopted in a normal fashion.
We have to consider how poor Non's family seems to be. Whether that's a new situation or it has always been like this we don't know. But that's something. Now, I'm not Thai nor do I live in Thailand but from what I read, income does factor a lot into whether or not a family can adopt a child (at least in theory). So I'd assume a poor family would struggle with it. Nevertheless, it seems Thai law puts a lot of value into family ties with the child so, maybe New was someone else's child originally like of a brother or a sister of one of Non's parents. Or maybe something else entirely, I don't know. I don't think it matters that much.
"That still doesn't explain the age gap though. Tan is only 2 months older than Non!!"
Well, that's still older. Would that qualify him as "phi", idk? Both Pimpa (Non and New's mother) and Non refer to him that way. But maybe that's just another way for the series to tell us there's a ver clear hierarchy between these brothers and Non comes second. Idk. (if you're Thai or know Thai culture well and would like to add input here, pls do)
"WHAT ABOUT THE PICTURES, DANTE???"
Ok, yeah, I know. They make a compelling case.
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(I took the liberty to brighten them bc OMG WHY IS THIS SHOW SO DARK????)
And yes, in the picture further to the left it does seem like they have a huge age gap but also, in the picture right next to it, it doesn't seem so (in fact the kid in blue seems about the same age in both pics, only the other one doesn't). So maybe the kid in pic one is not Non, it's some other kid (could be, especially considering he's wearing blue and, as the fandom's most dear colour theorist @shannankle has pointed out on a lot of posts but most especially this one: Non's colour is red). Or maybe it is one of them and they just grew up at different paces, idk. It happens, man.
TBH I'm not greatly concerned about the pics. What I am concerned about is the narrative implications of this. That his parents's (and, as previously established, especially his mother's [who is the most present parent in his life, as stated by the parents themselves in ep.8])
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favourite kid is the one who isn't even theirs by blood. That their favourite son is the one that is not actually their son (I obviously do believe adopted kids are as much people's kids as biological ones, family is made not inherited, but I mean this as strictly talking about the blood relations of these people)! That no one ever loves Non enough to actually save him from doom (bc, like a fairytale princess, the thing that could prevent Non's demise was love).
If his peers had loved him enough he wouldn't have felt the need to cling to that awful gang. If Jin had loved him enough he would've helped him get away from Tee in this episode, at the very least. If his parents had loved him enough, they would've prevented him from falling prey to so many people or, at least, would've been trustworthy for him to talk to and helped him get out of the situations he was getting himself into.
This would also play well with the character's names:
Non. That which/whom isn't.
Who isn't seen, who isn't heard, who isn't loved, who isn't perfect, who isn't who people expected him to be, who isn't the gang's friend, who isn't his parent's perfect son (not blaming him but that's how they see it), who isn't the boyfriend Phee hoped he would be (not blaming him for the sexual assault he suffered, just seeing it through Phee's eyes, pls don't misinterpret).
New. That which/whom is fresh, original. That which just arrived.
Who is a prodigy, a talent, one of a kind. Who is so different from Non and his "crooked ways". Who arrived at the family later. Who just arrived in Thailand, who just arrived in Non's school. Who is a new person, who has a new identity, who has a new life goal.
So, yeah, it is a bit crazy and depends on a lot of circumstantial and potential facts that have not been hinted towards AT ALL by the show. And I recognize that. But I think this is what is fun about theories and speculation and, even if this is not true (likely), I still had fun crafting this and showing it to you guys. At the very least it's entertaining and keeps us thinking.
Pls feel free to add stuff or question stuff in this post, I'd love for us to work together as a community for our little murder gays show. Hehe.
Also, I'll leave you a question myself: if this is true, does it mean Phee and Tan are working together as the killers, only one of them is killing or neither is committing murder? 🤔
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resowrites · 10 months
Text
Waterloo - oneshot.
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Summary: Speculation abounds about his wife's pregnancy and Henry finally has enough…
Pairings: AU!Henry Cavill x Wife!OC
Warnings: fluff, angst, banter/British humour, language, dialogue heavy, hastily written/lightly proofread.
WC: 2034
A/N: This was supposed to go up last week but time got away from me. Please note: as I've tried to write this story as both standalone oneshots and an ongoing series, I now have to use more imagery to flesh out this arc and I'm aware this may disappoint some of you. But I want you all to know, whether you're a regular reader of mine or not, I will always adore and support you no matter who you are or what you look like. Please also note: this is pure fiction (as in completely made up), and not in any way meant to reflect reality. Love you guys ~ R x
My work must not be copied, reposted, or translated elsewhere. Likes, follows, reblogs and comments are thoroughly welcome and appreciated! Gifs/pics not my own. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for visiting!
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Waterloo - oneshot.
Henry couldn't help but smile when he reentered the living room and saw her lying there. They'd walked the dogs only twenty minutes before and she was so exhausted she'd collapsed on the sofa the moment they got home. He watched as her chest rose steadily with every breath, with her legs tucked up and a hand cupping the base of her stomach. Luckily her morning sickness had lessened and the worst symptom her pregnancy was causing at that moment was bouts of extreme tiredness. He was loathe to wake her, especially as he had difficult news to share. Seeing her so soundly asleep reminded him of how vulnerable she was and his chest stirred with a mixture of anger and worst of all - guilt. "Ollie, it's dinnertime, can you wake up for me?" He rubbed her shoulder in an attempt to rouse her slowly. But her eyes burst open and she bolted upright.
"M-mmm what time is it?"
"Six o'clock darling, you fell asleep after our walk. I thought you'd like some dinner, you can join me in the kitchen if you're up to it?" She blinked at Henry several times, still trying to get her bearings.
"Yeah, okay, just help me up…" He smiled lovingly and took her by the hands. "What are we having? If you want I can drive to the deli and pick us up a couple of subs?" Henry vigorously shook his head.
"No, it's fine darling, I'm going to make something. Besides, you need to rest. There's… also something we need to discuss." As if on queue, his phone pinged for what felt like the hundredth time that hour. Henry tried to ignore it and offered her a reassuring smile. But her mouth set into a frown.
"What is it? Are your Mum and Dad okay?!"
"Yes sweetheart, it's nothing like that. Come on, let's have something to eat first." He attempted to lead her into the kitchen but she held fast.
"Henry, you're worrying me. What is it?" He gazed into her eyes for a few seconds and sighed.
"Look, I really didn't want to bring this up—"
"Bring up what?! Just tell me!"
"Okay, okay… you know we went shopping yesterday and you thought someone took a picture of us?" She nodded slowly. "Well, it turns out a picture was taken. And then posted on Twitter." She blinked at Henry several times.
"So? Sometimes people catch us and take photos…"
"Darling, I… things are different now." He reached for her stomach.
"Oh…"
"Look, my publicist's already called me. The picture's everywhere and she wants to know how we'd like to proceed—"
"What? Why?"
"Well, maybe if we're more upfront the speculation will die down and there'll be less interest…" Henry trailed off, unable to read the look on her face. Eventually, she cleared her throat.
"Henry, it really doesn't matter what we confirm and/or how. People are still going to take our pictures and gossip. It's why I didn't want to do anything in the first place - it's not going to make any difference." His head dropped to his chest.
"… I'm so sorry, darling." She cradled Henry's face and gave him a quizzical look.
"What for?"
"For all of it. I wanted to do my best to protect you and I've failed."
"Failed? It's not your fault someone saw us—"
"Yes, but if you were with someone else, you'd have none of this. You could just live your life without being talked about the whole world over." She chuckled.
"Aren't you exaggerating slightly? It's only a small group of people who really cares about this. Besides, we've been together nearly a decade—"
"I know, but that's not how they see it. I'm just scared that this will all escalate now that that picture's out there—"
"But darling that's beyond our control. Besides, it's not like anyone's made any threats… is it?"
"No, but what if they do? I mean I would never want to scare you but you know how unhinged people can be. If anything happens to you I'll never forgive myself." She couldn't help but laugh again.
"Well, for starters we're holed up here most of the time and security aside, we also have two Akita's who aren't exactly fond of strangers. I'm sure we'll be fine…" But he was in no mood for her teasing.
"Darling this isn't funny, I feel beyond awful. You should never have had these sorts of worries, pregnant or not."
"Don't be daft. I wouldn't trade our life for anything. Okay, so it can be a nuisance at times, but what others think isn't important. We have to live our lives, Henry. We were going to be spotted at some point. It's probably better people know now rather than when we're randomly seen pushing a pram."
"I know, I know. But I still feel helpless. It makes me fear for when the baby's actually here. How are they going to cope with being in the public eye? How the hell am I going to keep them safe as well?"
"Well, they won't even be able to find their feet for the first four months—" Henry's face hardened.
"Ollie, this isn't a bloody joke. Once our kid is out there, there's only so much we can do—"
"But that would be the case whether they were the child of someone famous or not. If there's one thing this pregnancy's taught me so far, it's that we can't have total control. Okay, so one day they'll have to learn why people want to meet their dad and take pictures of him, but that's not a bridge we'll have to cross for some time." He was silent for several moments. "Darling, talk to me…"
"It's nothing, it's just… none of it's worth it. Especially now."
"What are you saying?"
"I saying, I'm ready to—"
"Stop right there—"
"No, Ollie. I won't. Sooner or later it'll become the biggest stressor for us as a family. If the two of you aren't being photographed in the street, there'll be times when you're by yourselves - just the thought of what could happen makes me sick to my stomach."
"Darling, we were out in public and you're a public figure. Okay, so it's unfortunate. But it's not like they got a picture of them—"
"And what about when they do? As you said, we can't fully protect them—"
"Well, for starters, the law's on our side. But other than that you're going to have to learn to let this go. What will be, will be." Henry nearly blew his top.
"How can you be so bloody calm about this?! I'm scared that the more pregnant you look, the more invasive people will become. I don't even want people coming up to you, let alone anything else—"
"I've handled that okay in the past haven't I?" He smiled sadly and held her tight.
"Of course you have, and I'm not saying you're some delicate flower but this isn't just about us anymore. I want to do my best for you and the baby and it scares me how terrible people can be."
"Why? Just what exactly are they saying?" Henry didn't know how to respond. She sighed. "Oh sweetheart, it's not your fault."
"Of course it is! And what can I do about any of it? Nothing unless I give it up—"
"Don't be ridiculous, even that wouldn't be enough. Once you're famous, you're famous. We just have to rise above it."
"But I want to respond, let people know they can keep their disgusting opinions to themselves—"
"And has that ever worked in the past? Look, we really will be alright. You have nothing to apologise for or feel guilty about. We have a wonderful life, Henry. We have so many amazing adventures together and we're about to embark on our biggest one yet…" She rubbed his chest but his head hung low.
"I still want you both to have as little stress as possible."
"What will make me less stressed is you promising not to get any more upset by this, okay?” She bit her lip. “And if it makes any difference, I already knew about the picture." Henry’s eyes darted upwards.
"What?!"
"My sister messaged me when she saw it doing the rounds on Instagram. She's blocked the people trying to get more information." His nostrils flared.
"See?! They've already started harassing our family! We've got to nip this in the bud now—"
"Darling, we're damned if we do, damned if we don't. Luckily we have good people around us and they've promised to say nothing—"
"That's not what worries me. Why didn't you say anything?"
"… Because I knew you were already feeling bad and I didn't want to make it worse." Henry's heart ached.
"Oh, darling. You know you can always tell me anything. Just promise me you won't go reading comments—"
"I won't. But… can you be honest about something?"
"Of course."
"… Do I look big?"
"What? Why would you even think that?!"
"Are you sure?"
"Darling, that's the reason they're in a tizzy, they can't tell if you're pregnant or not—"
"Well… soon they'll know for sure."
"Oh Ollie, please promise me you're not worried about that of all things? All this pregnancy has done is make you even more beautiful—" she scoffed.
"Henry, look… we can work out our plans as a family when we need to. But you love what you do, it's who you are and what you've worked so hard for—"
"No, it's not. Finding you made me realise it never has been. Making you my wife, starting a family… that's who I am. What I've always wanted. I'd do anything now, just so long as you and our kid are always near me." She felt a lump in her throat. "Don't you get it ya numpty? I've never seen your eyes look so soft and warm. It's not about me missing out - I love doing nothing with you Ollie." She swallowed back her tears.
"Well, let's just wait until they're here, okay? Then we can go from there. But I promise you, I'm not worried about that picture, and neither should you be." His head sunk again.
"… They had no right to even take it." She then shot him a mischievous look.
"Well, was it at least enough to distract from the size of my arse?" Henry softened and quickly turned her around.
"Hang on, lemme take a look—" she spun back and thumped him on the arm.
"Don't you start now, mister - I only have so much bloody patience!" Henry's eyes quickly lost their playful spark. "Well, if things get that bad… you could always do a naked calendar. That'd give them something else to talk about—"
"A naked calendar?! You do realise I'm far too hung to appear in-frame?" She clucked her tongue.
"Oh please, the photographer would need more Vaseline for the lens than what's currently in production…" His eyebrows hit the ceiling.
"What are you trying to say?! You're no bloody prize either!" She thwacked Henry on the arm.
"At least they wouldn't be swapping out the lens every thirty seconds—" He gasped.
"Well, I'm surprised that person's phone didn't explode when they took that picture!" Her mouth fell open.
"Oh yeah?! Cos I'm shocked anyone even bothers to take their camera out to snap you—" Henry couldn't stand it any longer and pulled her in for a kiss.
"… Then let me take my shirt off and we'll see just how well I photograph—"
"No fucking thank you! I don't want to be put off that dinner you said you were going to make. In fact, you can now take me out for it—"
"Will a drive-thru be alright?"
"No, it bloody well won't you little bollocks! You know, just for that, you can take me to the new Italian on Harpin Lane—"
"But they won't even do spaghetti there!"
"Tough shit. You should have thought about that before you opened your mouth—"
"Well, from now on I definitely won't be!"
"Good! More breadsticks for me!"
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souridealist · 2 years
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the thing about “oh, likes are useless, they don’t do anything” is -- yes, they do? They tell you that someone saw the thing you posted and wished to convey to you their enjoyment or approval. Why is that valueless to you? “Well but likes don’t boost visibility and reblogging does” but visibility is just... people seeing your work and possibly enjoying it. If someone reblogs the post, other people may see it and like it -- but likes are useless! it doesn’t matter if those people enjoyed it, unless they reblog it so their followers can see it, but those followers’ pleasure is also useless and they need to pass it on and where does it end? Is there some minimum number of degrees of separation before it starts to matter that someone liked a thing you made? Is the purpose just to be passed on and passed on and passed on with no end in sight? What are we after here?
This is particularly baffling to me when it’s like, “oh kids are coming from Twitter and TikTok and only liking posts and it’s going to RUIN THE SITE and Tumblr will become EMPTY OF CONTENT” -- okay but. why. you’re still getting more attention and notes -- more people are letting you know that they enjoyed your work -- than if these people didn’t make blogs at all and nothing changed. you’re coming out ahead. why are we comparing everything to what you MIGHT have gotten if people were The Ideal Consumer instead of the actual people they are? why is every reality measured against the theoretical maximum? are you really going to stop drawing or writing or photographing or composing or playing music because the response to it increased but not as much as it might have?
Like. I do get it. It’s discouraging to work on something and get crickets chirping in response! It really is! You want people to like what you make! And I’ve been lucky enough to have a few things that I worked hard on happen to catch a zeitgeist and get a lot of attention by my standards, but by some people’s standards those are still chump change. I’ve also had stories - since then - get a bare pittance of attention, by my standards. And by some people’s standards my pittance is a wealth. And the thing is that that experience really confirmed two things for me - which, admittedly, I’d known intellectually before then but hadn’t really believed in the same way, but they’re still true -
1) it really is about being the right thing in the right place at the right time, as much as luck
2) there is no number of kudos or reblogs or notes or comments or bookmarks or anything that will earn you a Real Adult Good Competent Artist Card that makes you stop feeling insecure. There isn’t. That insecure fearful hollow inside of you is not something you can fill with achievement or attention or praise; it will open up again and again, because the next one might not be as good, because it might be too different, because it might not be different enough, because making art is taking a piece of yourself out of you and putting it into the world for people to see and that’s a fundamentally terrifying leap of faith. You can pour thousands and thousands and thousands of notes or hits or likes or kudos into that hollow and it will just keep draining again and again. The only solution I’ve ever found, the only solution that I’ve ever heard of anyone finding, is a mixture of faith and of learning to work through the fear.
And yeah, no amount of confidence or faith is going to make it stop being a bummer when something flops. It feels bad! You put all that work into something and you want it to be appreciated; you want it to matter! All of that makes sense! But it’s really not going to help you to castigate the people who like your work for not liking it The Right Way. people don’t like being told that their enjoyment is useless. and it’s certainly and emphatically not an attitude that’s going to help you have a good relationship with your work.
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daydadahlias · 19 days
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What’s your stance on the Ashton hate right now?
ok so i've gotten a few asks abt this now and i will concede and answer this one because i love the insinuation here that I can have a stance like I'm a politician or smthn <3 thank u for voting and for this platform <3
I'm also going to take the opportunity to say this is entirely my stance, not what i think everyone should believe or i think is the "right" perspective or blah blah yada yada disclaimer disclaimer. no one come at me saying I'm forcing my beliefs on you. you catch my drift. if you disagree with me, that's your prerogative and i frankly just don't care very much.
that being said <3 lock in for a jessay <3
if we're being entirely honest, I think people in the modern age - especially twitter users - actively seek out reasons to be upset. they crave drama like bees crave honey. especially when it comes to ashton tbh. the man can't breathe right without people claiming he's being problematic so I don't put a lot of stock in general in anyone's opinions of him but my own, especially bc I'm in fandom for my own enjoyment, not for anyone else's !! so it doesn't much matter to me what they think of him. i don't value their opinions!
if you'll notice, fandom is a lot about curating your own special little bubble and here on tumblr, literally no one is talking shit about ashton that i follow. it's literally just on twitter that I've seen any hate because twitter is a cesspool filled with chronically online social justice warrior bullshit :) and there's a reason I'm not on there often.
i think hate like this is just point-blank stupid because, as I've said before and I will say again, cancel culture is fucking fake ! it is literally not real and it is invented by people who have miserable sad little lives and want to self-impose their issues and hypocritical views onto others to pretend that they're doing good in the world when, in reality, they're making it that much worse!!
now, don't get me wrong, i really don't mind someone saying to their fave, "hey, this thing you said was hurtful for X reason, maybe you could consider that in the future :)" but I've already seen people saying ashton should kill himself sdfghjk so ! i don't care much for any opinion they have because they undermine their own arguments by telling people to spread kindness by spreading cruelty. it's frankly moronically hypocritical and embarrasses me every time i go online and see it.
as for the actual reason ashton's getting hate right now, i don't personally think it's as big a deal as people pretend it is. and this is getting into my own personal perspectives of things and please feel free to disagree with me on this because i know it's a Hot Take, but i can believe and support victims while simultaneously thinking that anonymous twitter allegations are mostly bullshit.
all allegations against All Time Low were entirely anonymous from a twitter user with no evidence/support/timeline (and, yeah, a random user said there were "97 allegations" but when people asked where she got that number from, she literally admitted she made it up and deactivated her account. but that didn't stop people from just fucking running with the number) and when ATL threatened to press charges for defamation, all of a sudden this anon user disappeared with no further comment. but twitter went wild - as it often does - and completely exaggerated all the actual information given.
twitter spreads misinformation like a disease. that's just the truth. and im certainly not saying all allegations that originate on twitter are fake because they aren't but i am saying that people online need to support victims at the same time that they actually start thinking critically about things. twitter acts like it's "guilty until proven innocent" instead of the other way around.
that being said, i don't personally support ATL because i didn't listen to their music before so this doesn't affect me and - if there is the chance they're abusers, i don't really want to listen to them. But that doesn't mean i tell people to turn them off if they like them or something, or tell them to stop being fans. because it doesn't affect me and i, frankly, just don't care. people need to learn that supporting the artist and supporting the art are two totally different things. you can listen to a song you like without knowing every allegation the artist has ever faced. also, if we stopped listening to every song made by a problematic artist, I'm afraid there would be very little music left.
that's where this brings me to the fact that people are throwing around insane accusations like that ashton supports rapists which is a fucking insane thing to say about a) people who arent even confirmed/charged rapists and b) over the fact he literally just played a song by them? he was DJ-ing for an emo/pop punk night? people would have been shocked if he hadn't played All Time Low??
also, I'm sorry but are you going to boycott every single person and establishment that plays one of the biggest pop-punk bands ever?? if you walk into a store and hear it playing All Time Low, will you never shop there again?? where is the line drawn?
and finally, the whole thing pisses me off because people use it as an excuse to say that they stand with victims and that ashton is actively harming victims by playing All Time Low when, I'm sorry, but no the fuck he's not ?? and, in my opinion, this is actually does MORE harm to victims than it does good? it's all just performative crap to make yourself look "woke".
and, excuse me, but what have you actually done to genuinely fucking support victims other than tell some random rich man who you don't fucking know that he should kill himself for DJing at an emo night?? using all this time to "cancel" Ashton Irwin's privileged cishet male ass could have been spent actually raising awareness about rape or helping actual real life fucking people in your community? this level of vitriol doesn't help anyone. it's pathetic.
this is just my real problem with the internet in general is that people act like hate inspires kindness and education when it does the exact opposite.
so, that being said, i just think the hate against ashton is small-minded and embarrassing. it doesn't mean anything at all. and I'm going to keep enjoying tumblr where people aren't pathetically insane (they're funny insane) and we can just learn how to fucking enjoy things because the world is too ugly right now to not find beauty in SOMETHING, goddammit! i am in fandom to have fun. not listen to people bitch and moan about their uninformed, damaging views of what social justice is.
and i will also spend my time in my real life genuinely supporting victims of assault and abuse instead of just pretending i do on fucking fandom social media.
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just-an-enby-lemon · 2 months
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I was happly existing as my own loser self and than my friend throwed a 19 pages pdf at me and now I rly want to talk about it but I don't have the right headspce for Twitter and Tumblr is not the right place.
But goddamit if the Cellbit situation didn't gave me feelings. He used to be my favorite youtuber as a kid, I grew up with him, I stopped for a bit mostly because of the allegations but came back for the RPG as I believed he had gotten better (a thing I now don't think was even necessary) and he stayed in my peripherals because Felps is my guy, is my go too streamer when I need to destress. And tbh I read the pdf ready to not believe him anyway (because I never believed Johnny Deep but it teached me about how man can twist an abuse situation) but I do. I believe him. Believe all victims goes to everyone.
And as a kid confronting my own inequacy I was one of the people watching the consprracy theory vídeos mentioned on the screamshots that "proved" he was assexual. And to him to have to actually come out in the most fucked up way possible made me very emotional. We could have had a reality where he followed the screamshot and came out when he felt safe to inspire other brazilian aces but nope. Here we are.
A lot of what he said ressonated with me (and the friend that send the pdf who is also ace) we never had to deal with that level of abuse (and tbh I don't wanna use the term because he didn't but it sounds a lot like corrective rape) but we know the jokes and pressure and humiliation.
So yeah, I hope he is alright and that this whole ordeal finally gets truly solved.
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Louis Tomlinson is sequestered in the executive boardroom of a swanky hotel in suburban London, and is treating it the way a pupil might a classroom when the teacher’s popped out. He’s leaning back on his chair, feet up on a radiator, hands clasped behind his head and a cigarette on the go. “All right?” he says, grinning impishly.
Despite huge global success with One Direction (70 million albums sold), which prompted a fanaticism that made Beatlemania look tame, he seems remarkably unaffected and far more normal than one might expect from someone with 35.8 million Twitter followers. He’s a 31-year-old so unassumingly bloke-next-door that the bloke next door wouldn’t look twice.
“I’ve always had a problem with ‘ego’,” he says, “and I’ve always been worried about being one of those people in the public eye who just loses all sense of reality, and becomes an arsehole.” As if by way of explanation, he adds: “I’m from Doncaster.”
And so while his former 1D bandmate Harry Styles, a superstar, floats through life like the fashion world’s favourite clothes horse, Tomlinson kits himself out in JD Sports: Kappa T-shirt, black sweatpants, Adidas socks, scuffed trainers. When he tells you he often frequents his local pub unmolested, you believe him.
“If someone does come up after an hour to ask for a selfie, I won’t say no and I won’t run away,” he says, “’specially if I’m three pints deep!”
Of the five members of 1D, Tomlinson has had the slowest start to a solo career. There are compelling reasons for this — family tragedy for one — but he’s also had to figure out who he is without the band around him. “With this job,” he says, “there’s so much room for overthinking, you know? Someone from the record label will tell you they like your stuff, but you find yourself thinking: yeah, but do they? It’s the fans that help you really believe in yourself.”
In the band, Zayn Malik had the best voice and Styles had the best everything else. While the other three — Tomlinson, Liam Payne and Niall Horan — were hardly driftwood, each has nevertheless had to dig deep to carve out a solo persona that would compel beyond the bubble.
“I do miss the boys,” he says, “and I do definitely miss being one of the five, but I like doing my own thing too. It was time.”
It’s a bright winter’s day, and the man in sports casual is enjoying special dispensation here in the hotel: permission to light up. Had this been denied, there might well have been a problem, for Tomlinson chain-smokes with the wild abandon of Mad Men’s Don Draper.
After the release of his second solo album, Faith in the Future, in November, he adds another necessary notch in the belt of any self-respecting pop star next month: the documentary. All of Those Voices is a routine behind-the-scenes look at 21st-century celebrity but stands out for the multiple crises of confidence Tomlinson feels any time he’s not on stage.
“This is a confidence game for anyone,” he says earnestly, “and there’s been plenty of moments of vulnerability throughout the entire process.” An overriding concern of the documentary is not just whether people would be interested in him, but whether they’d take him, someone discovered on a TV talent show, seriously.
When Styles won his Grammy awards this month — he collected two and won four Brits — he used his acceptance speech to say that “this doesn’t happen to people like me very often”. This was swiftly ridiculed across social media because of course white men tend to win quite a lot. But what he likely meant was that it doesn’t happen to the product of manufactured boy bands, many of whom have the use-by date of a pint of milk.
“Only Harry knows what he means there, it’s hard to speculate,” Tomlinson says, “but we all came from relatively humble beginnings, and now we are where we are.”
But while Styles is a once-in-a-generation talent and knows it, his erstwhile bandmates — and this one in particular — need convincing.
Louis Tomlinson comes from a big family — his mother, Johannah Deakin, married twice and had seven children — and was a hopeful child actor before in 2010 auditioning for The X Factor. This is where 1D were created, “masterminded” by Louis Walsh. Deakin, who had Tomlinson when she was 19, was his biggest fan and they’d always been close. When, for example, Tomlinson lost his virginity, it was she he told first, not his friends.
In 2016, a year after One Direction split, she died from leukaemia, aged 42. Two years later, his 18-year-old sister, Félicité, who’d been struggling to get over her mother’s death, accidentally overdosed on cocaine, painkillers and an anxiety drug. The combined loss hit him hard. Aside from the single he wrote about his mother’s passing, 2020’s Two of Us, his mourning has been largely private.
He squints through a veil of cigarette smoke. “Some of the things that have happened recently have been quite drastic, yeah, but then so much in my life seems to have been pretty extreme, one way or the other.” In 2016, at the age of 25, a brief relationship with a Californian stylist, Briana Jungwirth, resulted in a son. “There’ve been challenging times, definitely. It’s funny, but I couldn’t even tell you how many years ago my mum passed, I just blank it out. But for the first 18 months, I’d take any form of bad luck personally. I’d feel every tiny thing. But now I genuinely feel I’ve come out the other side. I feel more empathy for everything and everyone these days.”
After his 2020 debut album, Walls, failed to set the world alight, Tomlinson called time on his relationship with Simon Cowell. “It was mostly amicable,” he says, nodding. “Simon always had my best interests at heart, and I liked him. He had his faults of course, like all of us, but it was always inevitable I’d have to go off and do my own thing.”
His new record, then, was a leap into the unknown and he elected to write not with professional songwriters but rather fellow creative artists: Theo Hutchcraft from the band Hurts, Joe Cross from the Courteeners and the singer-songwriter James Vincent McMorrow. “And that was a big difference, huge. These are people who live and breathe music. It’s the first time I felt really comfortable doing my own stuff, you know?”
Previously he’d been encouraged to sing like a nice young pop star should, without regional inflection. “When I was in the band,” he says, “working with professional songwriters whose entire aim was to write the hit single, they’d tell me that singing in my natural accent wasn’t commercial. Sorry, but what a shit idea! Who wants to sound like everybody else? I dumbed down a little bit in the band, because you do, but I’ve learnt who I am now.”
The album, which has its inspiration firmly in early Noughties indie, sounds more Kaiser Chiefs than One Direction. A risk, then. But when it came out, it debuted at No 1. While this did wonders for his confidence, it’s clear from the documentary that he still needs people — a support group — around him. He actively courts the friendship of his touring band, not necessarily a given among solo pop stars, and he seems almost always sociable. It’s when he’s not up for group activity that people worry. There’s a revealing moment in the documentary of him having just appeared on James Corden’s US talk show. Backstage Corden, an old friend, pleads with him not to go quiet on him afterwards. “You vanish, you change your number, no one knows [where you are],” he says.
Until recently Tomlinson lived in London with his long-term girlfriend, the model Eleanor Calder, but recent reports suggest they’ve split up and he’s dating another model, Sofie Nyvang. Life, clearly, is complicated. Perhaps that’s why he smokes so much. He says, though, that he feels finally relieved of the myriad pressures that once clung to being a pop star whose fanbase was predominantly teenage. Such as?
“Well, being a role model for one. I never wanted that. I always had to worry whether it was OK if, say, I was seen here or if I could get away with smoking a joint there, before concluding: hmm, probably not. But I never wanted to be the perfect pop star, especially in the climate of Instagram. I don’t want to put an artificial world out there. I think it’s important that people see your scars, your flaws.”
It’s never easy growing up in public and Tomlinson had no choice. “When One Direction split up,” he says, “I was mortified, I was absolutely gutted. I was a bit bitter, I suppose because it just felt like another loss to me. But I’ve a better understanding of things now, and there’s not as much anger. It is what it is.
“Getting back together at some point is hard to imagine right now,” he continues, “but I’d be surprised if we lived out our lives and didn’t have a moment where we had a reunion, or whatever you want to call it. I’d be up for that.”
When I ask what it’s like watching Styles’s ascendance into the biggest star of his generation — something that might delay such a reunion — he blows out a long plume of smoke.
“Well, it’s not a surprise is it? We were always aware that Harry fit that mould, and it’s been an amazing thing to watch. Envy? At the start maybe, when I was trying to find my feet, but it’s never healthy to cross-reference your own success with others is it? These days I’m learning to elevate myself in those moments when I have to. I didn’t know how to do that before, but now? Now I know I f***ing can.” All of Those Voices is in cinemas from March 22,  allofthosevoices.com
-Full article. Feb 23 2023. Link here. Free link here.
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halfmoondaze · 1 year
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Tidal
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author's note: this is collaboration with @iguessweallcrazyithinktho thank you so much for agreeing with colaborating with me on this fic, I really appreci
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Y/N Y/L/N and Jack Harlow were recently spotted last night in New York restaurant with a group of friends, we are guessing they didn’t expect the attention on them. 
The singer and rapper were mobbed by a group of eager fans who waited for them outside Carbone restaurant in New York while leaving with a group of friends.
Upon stepping outside the restaurant, it was no longer remained a usual scene, as they were surrounded by paparazzi; and fans hoping to get the perfect shot or a single autograph. 
While making their way to their car, one fan got uncomfortably close to Y/N, as she was almost grabbed from behind by an unidentified person as they attempted to kiss her. The fan was quickly pushed away by Jack Harlow who came to her rescue, as he pulled her in front of him as they entered the car. 
The video was later posted on Twitter by a user, and it quickly became viral on social media, as fans came to her defense while also reacting to the whole situation. 
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The following morning, Jack Harlow took to his Twitter account to break his silence regarding last night’s events. 
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You took a deep breath with your eyes closed as you blocked all the noise around you; and then you opened your eyes and you saw yourself at the mirror reflection. And you were back to reality. 
 After last night’s accident, you were rushed back to the hotel. Fortunately, after they brough a doctor in, it was determinate that what you were experiencing was a panic attack triggered by being mobbed. And after using a nebulizer, you were finally able to breathe again. 
 “Y/N your on in 5” you heard someone announce outside.
 “You got this” you whispered to yourself. 
 As you stepped into the stage and heard the crowd go wild, everything else just disappeared and it was only you; as you started singing the opening notes on your song “Cosmico”. Followed by this, you sang two of your current chart toper songs “Extasis” and “Desconectados”. 
 Then a more introspective section followed, led by your song “Muted Sunrise”, a you belted out the song’s message about self-care. A song that couldn’t be more relatable given the events from yesterday. And when to your surprise, the crowd started singing back the song to you, you couldn’t keep it anymore, as you were touched by the audience and broke down in tears.
 “Gracias” you said once you finished the song smiling.
 “Te amamos Y/N” the crowd yelled back at you. 
 Backstage, everyone watched as you walked back with tears running down your face. 
 A few asked if you were ok to which you replied “yes” with a sweet smile.
 Even though that was a beautiful moment, very true deep down you were a bit overwhelmed with what happened the day before. All you wanted was to go back to your hotel room, take a relaxing shower and sleep.
 When you made it back to the hotel you wasted no time getting undressed and taking a long hot shower. You let the water envelope your body like a warm hug you so badly needed. When you stepped out of the shower and wrapped the robe around your body, a knock came from your hotel room door. 
 You walked over to it looking through the peep hole. 
 On the other side of the door was Jack who was standing in a black New Balance hoodie with his hands ticked in his pocket. The last thing you heard was that everyone was going to dinner, so Jack being at your door was a bit confusing. 
 You wasted no time opening the greeting the man. 
 “Hey Jack. What are you doing here? I thought you were going out to dinner?” you asked him. 
 “I was, but instead I wanted to see if you were ok. Urban told me you were crying when you came off stage. Just wanna make sure you’re ok.” 
 You smiled at him wanting to make sure you were alright. 
 “Yeah I’m ok. Just with everything that happened yesterday and my fans singing with me, the tears just started flowing. I couldn’t stop them” 
 You laughed as you finished hoping it can hide the crack in your voice from Jack. 
 Unfortunately he heard it. Without warning Jack pulled you into a hug. 
 You buried your face in his chest taking in his warmth and comforting smell. A few years slipped from your eyes. You got the hug you desperately wanted from someone.
 Jack managed to get you over to the bed where you sat down and stayed in his arms for what felt like an eternity. 
 When you pulled away, you locked eyes with Jack. 
“Thank you. I really needed that.” 
 Jack nodded. “I know.” 
 You felt Jack’s finger on your check. He wiped a tear away as he began to speak to you.
 “You know you’re one of the strongest girls I know. You have gone through a lot, but you still manage to smile through it all. I don’t know how you do it but I admire that about you.” 
 Jack cupped your face. 
 You felt warmth grow in your cheeks at his words. 
 “I know sometimes shit is crazy, but I want you to know I got you. No matter if it’s to defend you from some creeps or if you need a hug or someone to talk to. I am here. Don’t ever think you gotta go through whatever it is alone. I got you.” 
Your stomach exploded with butterflies at Jack’s words. No one has ever made you feel the way he has right now. The urge to kiss him came over you and before you knew it your lips were on his. 
Jack’s lips were soft as you imagined they would be. As your lips molded with his you felt sparks between you two. You were sure Jack felt it as well seeing how he kept on kissing you.
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thedreadvampy · 7 months
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hey guys can we talk about 2008-2012 BBC3 reality makeover show Snog Marry Avoid? and how it's a seminal piece of feminist satire orrrrrr?
cause this is my number one soapbox trigger (that doesn't have to do with rape culture) and if you follow me on Twitter you've just seen my classic SMA rant hit again
THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY. THAT THIS SHOW. WAS INTENDED TO BE PLAYED STRAIGHT.
It is a piece of camp subversion wearing the mask of the then-popular makeover reality show format where a presenter belittles, mocks, bodyshames and slutshames a guest about their deviance from conventional beauty norms, in order to Fix Them by making them more nondescript and socially acceptable.
the things which make SMA a Subversion of the genre are:
The "makeunder" concept, meaning that rather than selecting guests who are posited as being too poor, fat, incompetent or afraid to appropriately confirm to beauty standards, SMA guests are universally people who invest a lot of time and energy into their unique looks - makeup, hair, piercings, surgeries, expensive or customised clothing and jewellery. It gives them plenty of airtime to talk about what they enjoy about their aesthetic and why they choose it. This means that we can't understand them as accidentally failing to meet societal beauty standards - we have to accept their aesthetic as a choice, and therefore accept the makeover concept as a conflict between them and...
...the central conceit, in which a robot modelled in a very Evil AI aesthetic is responsible for bringing out a guest's "natural beauty" through the visible artifice of wigs, makeup and clothing. this is framed against the artifice of the guests original look, which is mocked and derided for being fake and weird, but a lot of screen time is given to the process of overlaying that with different heavy makeup and wigs.
The guest's attitude, which, unlike in other makeover shows, is usually entering with complete confidence in themselves and their aesthetic choice. Therefore we are pushed to understand POD's negging and shaming as being an attempt to break down their individuality, confidence and joy in themself, and to understand it as a triumph when the guest inevitably returns to their original look (be it orange tan and hair extensions, corpse paint, or elf ears) at the end of the show.
oh yeah. The evil AI that tries to make people with cultivated individual looks put on "no makeup makeup" and business casual clothing and perform acceptability for a crowd of strangers is Literally Called POD. as in you go into the pod and come out a confirming member of society. a person of the pod, if you will.
like is it subtle? No! Not even a little bit! but apparently too subtle for people to have got the joke cause now I'm constantly seeing people holding it up as an example of the cruelty of 2000s media and not, as it pretty obviously is, a reaction to that cruelty.
Several friends of friends went on that show, since I had pals who were pretty big into the scene kid and cybergoth communities at the time - as far as I'm aware they all had a whale of a time. and we as alt kids were hooked on this show cause it's a really good sendup of the type of cruel conformist content that was unironically all over the place from your Gok Wans and Trinnies and Susannahs and yeah tbh also your Queer Eyes.
It textually replicates the bodyshaming, slutshaming, homophobia and negging that was core to those shows (although it largely skipped over the fatshaming and ageism to my memory) but in the format and framing of the show it invites us to laugh at the absurdity of that and to root for the guest to defeat the host.
In highlighting both the aesthetic the guest chooses and the aesthetic the show prefers as being conscious artifice, then testing that against how strangers react, it makes visible that the only meaningful difference between the guest's aesthetic and the show's aesthetic is whether it's performed to gain social acceptance or personal joy. and the guests pretty exclusively and unequivocally choose personal joy.
I do not know why defending this specific late 2000s artefact as a piece of subversive camp is So Important To Me but by god I've chosen this hill and I'll die on it even if nobody's coming to kill me
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golbrocklovely · 1 month
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Have you seen the argument that SnC can't be pulling away from the fans on social media because their 'social media stars' and that their entire job is social media so they are required to give fans tweets and instagram posts etcetc?
My opinion is no they're not social media stars anymore, they are YOUTUBERS, Instagram, twitter, tiktok and snapchat are just extras that these days they could stop if they so wanted. Their job is to create youtube videos, everything else they give us is given to us by their choice, they don't have to do any of that. They could if they wanted just use their social media accounts to promote only their videos and merch and nothing else like a lot of other youtubers do. They CHOOSE not to because in the past they have enjoyed the social side of things, but with their fans being assholes they are allowed to pull away from socials as they are not social media stars, it is not required of their job anymore. They are YOUTUBERS.
What are your thoughts?
it is very funny to hear ppl say this, especially when for years i thought the general consensus was that snc need to take a break and they deserve one. but now… no one wants them to have one. how weird.
first off, the main problem with this argument is that fans expect something for staying so long when we've never been guaranteed anything. i've been here for years, i don't expect snc to do dick all except give me content occasionally that i enjoy and continue to post on xplrclub where i pay to be/get exclusive content. that's all i'm owed. anything else is an added bonus.
fans that think they are owed something just bc they bought the most amount of merch or have been here for years or whatever other reason need a reality check. you are mistaking a past time of yours as a job. you aren't getting paid to be here. you can leave whenever. if you are no longer entertained, go.
snc haven't been consistent posters in years. like, yeah, there was a period of time from like 2015-2017 when snc were constantly posting on insta or twitter or snapchat or youtube. but it has not been like that in a very long time. snc don't have to put in that kind of work bc they have blown up already and now it's quality over quantity.
the problem i have with all of this is that snc have made it abundantly clear why they have started pulling back. EVERYONE IN THIS FANDOM IS AN ASSHOLE. what's not to get??
colby can't read comments anymore and has admitted so, he gets emails and loses followers over him growing facial hair, has been picked apart for years over his choice in gfs, got a terrible death threat a couple years ago that made him basically leave twitter, has gotten constant and dumb hate on there for years, got made fun of for being "fat" when it really him being sick with undiagnosed cancer, literally questioned even telling the fandom he had cancer in the first place bc he knew how they would react if he went bald, plus a mirade of other shit i can't get into. and even sam, the miracle child who rarely has ever had to face consequence for anything he's done or said, is now saying that fans are mean and words can hurt. so you KNOW it has to be bad for him to say something.
and they both said that they put too much of their personal life out there for everyone to see and it wasn't good for them, that they regret doing that.
this fandom thinks it "can say whatever it wants" without snc seeing it. or at the very least, they don't care if snc see. and in what universe would the idol want to stick around when it's fans are shitting on it?? you tell me. they're pulling back bc you all fucking suck. and when they eventually remove themselves entirely bc you want to bitch about their gfs or their face puffing up or whatever random other nonsense you deem worthy of a tweet, i don't want to fucking hear a peep. shut up, for once.
(none of this directed at you anon)
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being-kindrad · 4 months
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Q&A Panel with seven detransitioners, 2023, transcribed
youtube
The following is a transcript of the first ever Q&A panel discussion with seven detransitioners filmed on Detrans Awareness Day 2023. Seven detransitioners speak publicly and answer questions from the audience at a film screening of the documentary No Way Back: The Realities of Gender Affirming Care.
The panel discusses the medical ethics of the gender affirmation model of care for gender dysphoria, and the untold harm personally endured by detransitioners Chloe Cole, Laura Becker, Luka Hein, Estella Suarez-Hamilton, Brian Wagner, Rachel, and Shape Shifter.
The panel answers questions from concerned parents about the relationship between gender distress, social contagion, trauma, and familial relationships, and panelists give advice about maintaining and repairing relationships with children and loved ones who are experiencing identity issues.
View the panel recording here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyJGijjI2JU 
Transcript after the break.
Panel moderator: How do you guys feel? Had you not seen [the documentary] before? Did it bring up any feelings for you guys?
Estella (female detransitioner): It brought up a lot of feelings for me. I medically detransitioned this past year and I was still maintaining my social transition, clinging on to that, and kind of hearing about the process of other detransitioners and even speaking to some people who are here today, learning how much commonalities we have with this journey. It makes you realize that “oh, well, maybe this is rare, but maybe this is not so rare as they're saying.” Especially when it comes to medical consequences. I can speak for myself with some of the effects that testosterone has had on my body—it's menopause, it's going through menopause at nineteen. And when your body's not ready for that. And there was like a list of that, the incontinence, not being able to hold your bladder, not being able to sleep because of heat flashes that are painful. It's ridiculous, thinking that a teenager should go through that, when they're just at the cusp of adulthood, so it brought up a lot of emotion realizing that I wasn't alone in a lot of that. I know that I had a conversation with Chloe earlier this year about heat flashes and that was the first time that I had spoken to anybody about the itchiness and the uncomfortableness at night and realizing that wasn't just me, you know, and that's what you hear a lot, a lot of people being like “oh, well it's just you, I guess it just didn't work out for you.” It's like, it's not just me, you know, this is something that could happen and it's exhausting. So, yeah.
Panel moderator: Can we just go down the line really quick and introduce, you guys can introduce yourself, so we know who you are and then we'll open it up for questions.
Shape (male detransitioner): Hi, I'm Shape. I'm a male detransitioner, gender non-conforming. You guys may know me from YouTube or Twitter, so this was pretty powerful, also triggering, but powerful.
Rachel (female detransitioner): I'm Rachel. I transitioned when I was like 25, lived as a “man” for like seven years, realized “oh I don't need to do this and I'm running away from other things,” so I went back to living as a woman, more or less, a year ago, and just kind of opened my eyes to kind of like the whole gaslighting of this “trans marketing” like it's you know they—well not to get too far into it, but the whole thing is weaponizing empathy to make people believe that “oh you have to affirm these kids that's the nice thing to do,” but long term, well, I think you guys know.
Brian (male detransitioner): Good afternoon, my name is Brian Wagner. In my early 20s, I had substance use disorders and mental health issues. I transitioned from male to female, I lived my life as a transgender woman for close to 10 years, I detransitioned upon sobering up and getting to see a psychologist that was not an activist. The most powerful part of this documentary for me personally was when it talked about Jung's “Shadow Self,” because I think for a lot of society and especially the trans rights movement, detransition is a reality that they're not ready to see or face or accept quite yet, so thank you.
Estella (female detransitioner): My name is Estella Suarez Hamilton. I gave an introduction already so…
Luka (female detransitioner): My name is Luka Hein and I transitioned as a minor at 16 and de-transitioned around six months ago when I was 20.
Laura (female detransitioner): Hey everyone. My name is Laura Becker. I was in the documentary. My hair was looking a little messed up at the time, I had dyed it too many home dyes, pink—thank you—for a little while it was—so yeah, some of you may know me from Twitter, Funk God artist, and I designed some of the Detrans Awareness hats and shirts that some people might be wearing so that's what you may know me from.
Chloe (female detransitioner): I'm Chloe Cole and I'm somebody who also transitioned as a minor between the ages of 12 to 16. And I've been speaking out about my experience for not much longer than a year now, since I was 17.
Shape: I guess I should tell a little more about my story since everybody has. I transitioned in my early 20s as well, the first time I ever got any kind of mental health help was when I went to Fenway House in Boston and they completely ignored my internalized homophobia, other comorbidities, and affirmed me, like there was no pushback. I got on estrogen pretty easily, but my mental health declined after that, but I attributed it to being in a “wrong body,” so unfortunately I got cleared for the sex assignment surgery. That deteriorated my mental health even further. I have complications after multiple revisions. I have urinary tract infections every month, that's why I was going to the bathroom like a million times. I am unable to have sex, I have osteoporosis, I haven't been able to get any help really from endocrinologists or even surgeons to reverse this. This is all one giant experiment I fell into when I was very vulnerable and not in a good emotional place. I definitely got sold lies and “hardware fixes” for my “software issues” that actually never went away. And my biggest push for transition was internalized homophobia, I just didn't want to be gay, because I was brainwashed from very young age that gay is bad and sinful, so the minute I realized I could escape my homosexuality, I latched onto the idea that I'm a woman, but I realized that none of those transitions solved any of my mental issues, in fact it made it worse, thank you
Panel moderator: Okay, does anybody have a question?
Audience member: Hi. Thank you all for being here, you're all very brave, and I probably follow mostly on Twitter or something. I think like a lot of parents whose kid is in this ideology, fortunately, my daughter so far has not said she wants to medicalize, but I can see just socially things sort of upping, which scares the hell out of me, because she'll be 18 next year, so I'm wondering if you guys had seen this documentary when you were 17 would it influence you [several panelists shake their head no] or is there anything that you would say to somebody at 17 who's in the grip that you like would help them like, you know, for body acceptance or whatever it would be, I would love to hear.
Estella: Yes, if I saw this documentary it would have made a difference. There are some people that are stubborn and very hard-headed and I was one of them, especially when you're 19, you think you know everything. If somebody says “oh you're gonna get menopause,” “oh I don't care,” you know, because you don't know what that means. The more information people get I think from first-hand, it makes a difference. I remember—and I said this prior to when we sat down—I didn't get top surgery. I was on testosterone for over seven years, and I was socially trans before that, and then a little bit after that, but I never went for top surgery. Specifically I can remember I watched a testimony of somebody who was transgender, they were a transman, so they were a female, and explaining that they had done all this surgery, and all this hormones, and everything, and it still—they were feeling like it wasn't resolving anything. And I remember he was this big buff bodybuilding guy and I was thinking “oh he's so beautiful I want to be like that” and he was like “don't do it, it will not fix your dysphoria” and so that gave me enough to just hold back, hold back. When I came to Los Angeles, there was no gatekeeping. I went to a very popular trans clinic down the street from here, and I was new in town. It was my first time going and talking to them, and they had an interview with me and like a car dealership, you get a packet of papers and you're good to go, like they have everything. But because I had seen the testimony, I thought “well let me just give myself some more time to think,” and the more you read about long-term and the more you talk about these surgeries and how they affect you in the end, the more you realize “well this is maybe not the most creative solution and this is probably not the most healthy solution,” so that's—I think it would make a difference, I think that absolutely this this film is a snapshot into history, and a good opportunity for people to get a different perspective. Especially because it's going from a leftist view too, so it's very nice to be able to digest that.
Brian: When I first transitioned, or started to, I specifically remember I saw the testimony of a man named Walter Heyer, he's an elderly man who I believe did in fact have the vaginoplasty and it didn't stop me. Thankfully, I never had that done, but I was well aware of it. But I was in a very delusional and ideological mindset, so I really don't think seeing this would have stopped me, I really don't. But I would have just told my former self to be careful what you wish for and don't rush into anything, because changing your gender it's not like you know, shaving your head, or you know, something like that, it's very difficult to undo and the further you go, the harder and harder…
Rachel: One thing for me, in female social circles, I definitely felt like I got “cool points” for it and I was already in my 20s, and it's got to be ten times that when you're in high school, so I feel like almost anything you would say would just fuel it even more, because it's like “oh this is something you're not allowed to do,” and it's kind of risky, so that's more exciting. And I don't know if this would help, but one of the biggest reasons I detransitioned was because I realized I felt affirmed in my identity as a “man” when I was with my female friend group, but then as you get more and more masculine, they don't see you as a woman anymore, and your brain does literally change, like there is something different with the hormones, so any kind of feelings of belonging she gets like within her current social circle, just basically imagine losing all those female friend groups, because once you look like a man, it doesn't really work the same. So like I don't know, I'm not really even sure how to explain that to a kid, but like “would you do this if you were completely alone by yourself without the affirmation of all your friends?” And she'd probably say “yeah sure I would,” but people tend to socialize in gendered groups, so just imagine if she can't socialize with her current friends, because of the way that they see her as, like, a man, later on. I don’t know how better to describe that.
Chloe: So, I'm 18 now, I'm a legal adult and as many of you know, I travel around the country talking about this subject. And there's still a lot of things that I can't do legally, like I still can't buy marijuana, or nicotine products, or alcohol. I can't rent a car. I can't even rent a hotel room. Because I'm under the age of 21. And yet, at 13, I was allowed to make the decision to change my sex. But I really don't think that 18 is just some magical age where all of a sudden you're capable of, maybe legally doing something, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you really fully understand what you're doing. I mean, the estimate right now is that most people's brain development finishes at around the age of 25, and it's probably much later for a lot of other people. But brain development aside, there's still a lot of things that people at the age of 18, at the age of 25, and even beyond, don't know about the world. When you're young, you don't really have a lot of knowledge or experience having to do with the world, and I was lucky to find out that I wanted to have kids at the age of 16, and to stop transitioning then, but not a lot of women figure that out until much later now.
Luka: I think particularly when you have a child going into this and you're worried about them heading down the path of medicalization, every situation is different, but presenting a different perspective, I feel like, couldn't hurt. They may not listen, because young people tend to be rather stubborn, but it couldn't hurt. And you know your kid doesn't stop being your child when they reach 18. You still need to be there, and let your concerns be known, with care, and compassion, and a genuine concern for their health and well-being. Keeping that line of communication open, to be that safe adult for your child, even when your child is an adult, is something that young adults still need, everyone needs, to a certain extent. And there's gonna be young people who maybe didn't transition and they reach 18, and rush into stuff, but I don't think it's acceptable to give up on them just because they maybe won't listen or they're hard-headed. If anything, that's when you need to be more compassionate and really keep that line of communication open, because they deserve for you to keep trying.
Laura: Yes, so I think that this documentary definitely would have impacted my perceptions, because although I had a lot of magical thinking, was naive, very stubborn, I was also very overwhelmed and we all started to know the kind of common wisdom “kids need structure.” Everyone needs structure, we need to order chaos, because things are very overwhelming. And I was overwhelmed, that's a lot of what passive suicidal ideation is—just being overwhelmed and your brain goes to this solution, this fantasy solution of escape, so it can deal with it at that moment, and transition is very similar, the transition fantasy. So I think I really was hungering to be helped. I was very alone, from peers and family, and I really wanted a safe adult to really sit down with me and listen to everything, and tell me that they knew how to help. Not in a pushy way, or in a controlling way, but in a way that allowed me to feel like myself, and I just never really got that, because my parents, by the point when I was 19, when I transitioned, they were exhausted, and they were not very equipped to deal with it, and there was some abuse as well, to me, psychologically. So they just kind of did emotionally sort of “give up,” and because I was so stubborn, they said “okay.” And the thing is you know, you just kind of get used to people not seemingly really understanding you, you know. Teachers didn't understand, therapists just—low quality, low, shallow, shallow understanding and so they'll say “yeah you're valid” or like “sure you can, are you sure you want to do it? Yeah okay, you know, maybe it'll help, because you're already so f-cked up, you're already so mentally ill anyway,” so they were very desperate too, my parents. But I was suicidal and had unprocessed trauma—PTSD—so, definitely keeping that connection, I know it's very difficult, but still listening and still being there, and not giving up is this inevitable outcome that “this person is just going to be messed up and they're disabled and they're mentally ill and that's their identity” and trying not to see your child as broken, because I saw myself as a broken human being that didn't deserve love or was capable of achieving happiness, so of course you're going to go to desperate measures, like surgical interventions. So I would say this documentary would have really been a relief to me, because it just provided so many calming, intelligent, rational adults that are experts in the field, they know what they're talking about. It just would have relieved my existential anxiety and overwhelm to know that there is an alternative because I thought that there wasn't. I thought it was either “I'm inevitably going to kill myself and I don't want to live anymore as myself,” or “if I transition maybe that'll help I'm doubtful about it, pretty hopeless, maybe it'll help.” I didn't realize until several years too late, I mean too late in a short-term sense, for the surgery and hormones, that there were alternative pathways, and so I have been able to cure my gender dysphoria and treat my suicidal ideation and PTSD, still working on that one, that one takes some time, but yeah, thank you.
Shape: Yeah, this definitely would have helped me. A lot of things did resonate with me, specifically how autistic people think “black and white.” I didn't feel like I could have existed on a spectrum of a gender while being a biological male. Also the way that's like, I really got obsessed with transition when I found out that it was a “possibility,” so it kind of clouded my entire judgment. Also it's the first time I've heard how dysphoria shifts, so you fix kind of like one part of your body and then you get obsessed over another part, and that actually never went away—I'm still obsessing and experiencing body dysmorphia. Yes, it would have definitely helped me, because at the time I didn't know that many trans people, and definitely didn't know anything about detransitioners, I've heard a little bit, but all the stories were like “well those people were never trans on the first place,” you know, the same things they're telling me right now, so it's a very important documentary, it was pretty well balanced, I'm glad it was not really a radical documentary, it was very factual, so I think that it could help a lot of people.
Luka: I also just wanted to add that when it comes to a parent talking to their child about this, regardless of the age of the child, or anyone in general really, it's important to remember that only telling someone “yes” and telling someone “yes, you're valid” and only affirming them and only saying “yes” is not an act of love. That's not what love is. Love is not giving in to every whim and only saying “yes.” Love is putting up those boundaries and saying “no,” and having to keep someone safe, even when they might be upset at you for it, because only saying “yes,” and only going down one path, and only affirming, isn't love, it's enabling, and I feel like that's just something that parents need to understand with this.
Panel moderator: Thank you, we're going to have another question.
Audience member: Sometimes clinicians tell parents that if you insist too much, if you try to show your children a different reality, they will dig their heels in even further. [Some panelists nod.] What is the difference between the things that do that, versus the things that you think can actually bring on a shift in understanding?
Rachel: I think it's tricky, because I feel like I had to actually, unfortunately, transition to be grounded back in reality, because you’re told all these things—the thing with transition is it's sold as this magic cure, like the snake oil to cure anything, because we don't really understand what gender is anyways, and we haven't really done this experiment culturally. There are a couple people who did it, like, way early in the 1900s, like a handful of people, but it was out of reach for most people until medical science today, so there's this huge placebo effect, and when people have these different mental illnesses, we don't really know a lot of time how to solve them, but the thing is, the power of belief works really well, and transition, there's like this whole “gender euphoria” thing with testosterone, it is very euphoric. How do you bring people back to reality without them having to actually go through it? I think, and this is the tricky thing, I think that's why we're gathered here, is that we don't really hear the downsides of transition, right, we only hear about “oh, this is this euphoric thing that's gonna be life-changing, affirming, it’s going to be this person's real authentic self, and it makes us all good people for affirming, you know these trans kids because you know we have to save them from themselves from suicide.” I don't know, I think just sharing stories of like people who have gone through transition who were, or maybe still identify as trans, but found “hey, like there are some issues with this and there are other ways we can deal with this,” whether that's recognizing there's maybe autism, maybe there's internalized homophobia, there's other kinds of traumas, I think just people being more aware that there's this other side of transition that isn't the the “rosy” side of transition.
Estella: To understand your question, like “how do you avoid them from being you know upset that you're showing them the the other way,” and I remember the mindset that I was in at 19, at the time, I came out on social media because I knew that my parents would give me pushback and I just wanted to just spring it on them and just not give them any chance to have any kind of push back to me. So I remember my mother telling me “You'll never be able to fully get a penis! You'll never be able to impregnate a woman!” all these different things that were logical arguments and I was just like “No no, Buck Angel has a penis!” you know, all these different things, and I just wanted her to hear me, I just wanted her to hear what I thought was going to be a good idea, and I think that maybe a good solution would be “Okay, well, if you want to show me your resources or propaganda or whatever, then I would like you to watch some resources that are from my side” and then that way they could feel listened to and you could see what they're actually looking at and then give them an opportunity “Okay we watched it now please would you watch this documentary with me, or would you read some of the side effects and we'll go in and see ‘Do you know what a cyst is?’ ‘Do you know where those come from?’ ‘So here are all these different side effects.’ ‘What does atrophy mean?’ ‘When a woman goes through atrophy, is it just their uterus or is it their bladder? And all the muscles that are along with that?’” because that's something I didn't know until probably about a year ago, and I'm 27, and I should have been—a doctor should have sat down and talked to me about those, but that never happened, so if you had like a little “give and take” maybe that would be helpful, that's the best solution I can think of right now, in this moment.
Luka: I think it also is, you know, it's somewhat inevitable that when you give pushback, sometimes these kids are going to be upset. It is natural in child development for each age group, is there are boundaries, and it is very natural for kids to push against those boundaries in a healthy way, and it is the job of the adults to make sure that those boundaries are still maintained and that the kid can express that pushback in a healthy way. It's unfortunate with this issue that we've seemingly, as a society, not only we just removed the boundary to push against, but put a medical system there in place. But sometimes when you push back, they're gonna be upset, and they're gonna need a space to really express that, because you know when they are upset, that is an emotion that they are having regardless of if, you know, as an adult, you feel like maybe the reason is stupid, or they're overreacting. To that child, that's a very real experience, that they are very upset about this. And whether that be that they just need some space to go blow off some steam, or they need you to be there as a compassionate adult to explain to them why you did what you did, or they just need someone to listen, it is still a parent or adult's job to do that with a sense of care, because you know you can't force someone to realize things, but you can be there, and you can be there in the best way that that kid needs. And that's going to be different for every kid, and some of them are just, they're gonna be stubborn, they're gonna be upset for long periods of time, but I think just for this issue, we can't just throw out that responsibility that even if a kid is upset, as long as you are doing what you're doing with care, and they are able to process that emotion of being upset, that that is still a good thing, because you know the parents have a lot of emotions in this and they deserve a space to process those as well. The kids are going to have a lot of emotions, and we really have seemingly taken away that space that they need to process those to come to the realization that maybe you know “hey maybe my mom isn't pushing back because she's hateful, maybe she's concerned” or you know the parent being “maybe my kid isn't acting out because you know I told them ‘no’ but maybe they're acting out because there is a deeper issue there and they are crying out for help.”
Laura: Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking. I just wanted to add on to the idea of boundaries. What I often tell parents is, you know, this isn't palatable to hear, but the reality is that whether you tiptoe around—I've known parents that tiptoe around every little thing and they're walking on eggshells all of the time and it's extremely stressful—and I know parents who just get right up in there and take charge and say “no I'm the parent and I'm doing this” and I've known both sort of methods being taken and it is up to the individual parenting style, and the relationship you have with the child, but the reality is that as Lukas said, pushing back against authority and against parental wisdom is natural, normal, and even healthy. It can be an opportunity to further develop the relationship, because a child needs to learn how to manage their emotions. They need to learn how to take “no” for an answer, they need to learn how to look critically at other people's perspectives, and so it's very difficult. But repair is the other side to preserving a relationship. There will be conflicts, sometimes severe conflicts and damage will be done to the relationship, and so I think a lot of parents are focused so much on not damaging the relationship, which is understandable, but once it is damaged, I think that's when a lot of people might get into a really worse situation than if they had focused more on just the long run, you know, each little incident or confrontation is a smaller battle in a longer war, a war of preserving a relationship and having just a healthy life for everyone involved. I think focusing on “how do you repair” learning how to repair with your child is going to be critical, because it might be a very long period of time where they're processing things and if you act resentfully towards them, or bitter, or start punishing them, overly criticizing them. This is a more severe version of what may happen, but I had a parent who would verbally abuse me and gaslight me about it, and you know, I understand that they were angry and they were emotionally dysregulated, and that shouldn't have happened, but once it did happen, there was another opportunity there, the real work could have lied in the repair, that they had an opportunity to repair their relationship and further understand my perspective, but instead of doing that, they would gaslight me about it, and say that it was my fault, and say that never happened and that they did nothing wrong and in fact, I was, you know, punishing them or being a b-tch to them, you know, it was like very manipulative, that really damaged me, to feel it was all my fault, no matter what I did. Any emotion I had was unacceptable, and so whether it's arising to the level of like verbal abuse, or just—it's a spectrum of behaviors—but being able to repair and to acknowledge, you know, “I understand that this is painful for you” and not adding a “but” into it or like “but I feel this way” or like “but you're not listening” or like “you're so difficult, you're so difficult to deal with” you know, something I've heard a lot.
[cont] Really listening, and allowing them space so that they can start to trust you again, because the more you push when there's already been a damage a fracture to the relationship, the further and further away they're going to get, and then you might try to cling on even more, they're going to keep going. So it is inevitable that there will be damage, and I do think it's more prudent in the long term to think about the bigger picture of the relationship, and you may even lose what many people consider to be the biggest battle of all, which is when they get testosterone, when they get a prescription for hormones, when they get surgery, when they become an adult and they do something permanent, the reality is that even that is only a battle in the long-term war. There is life after the surgeries, obviously none of us advise doing it, but I think a lot of parents are so focused on just preventing that surgical outcome that they may lose sight of other ways to better the relationship, and once gender is over, what if they what if they forget about gender, what if you forget about gender, what what would that even be like? Are you consuming so much of your life based around that? Is there anything else in your marriage but just talking about the kids' gender problems, for example. And I'm not criticizing anyone, but I feel, you know, think about the long term, and things come and go, you know.
Shape: I'll be quick, I feel like one thing I've learned being in trans and detrans community, a lot of us have childhood trauma and if your kid thinks that they may be trans, maybe there's some trauma you don't know about, maybe you failed to protect them from predators, maybe you're the source of the trauma, because a lot of parents have been traumatized as kids themselves so they have all those personality disorders that they kind of transfer to their kids, so sometimes you need to look at yourself as well before communicating better with your child. Also unfortunately right now a lot of trans activists such as Jeffrey Marsh are teaching children online that they should go “no contact” with their parents if parents try to push back on transgender identity, which is completely crazy. It's pretty much emotionally manipulating parents to agree to support their transition, which sucks.
Chloe: Right. I mean, I agree that as a parent there are going to be some things that you'll have to do for your child that you may not necessarily want to, that they may not necessarily want, or that might not be the best for your relationship in the short term, and for a lot of parents this does involve taking away all Internet devices like their computers, iPads, phones, whatever else might give them internet access, and I think in most cases this is a good approach, but I think that if you're going to take something away, you have to replace it with something. A lot of these kids, the problem is a lot of them are addicted to the internet, because they were introduced to at a young age, and these devices are very stimulating, and for a lot of kids, especially kids who may not necessarily have a lot of friends at school, it can give them a sense of community online, but I really don't think that the internet and technology in general is really appropriate developmentally for most kids and teens, and a lot of these kids, they don't feel like they really belong to any communities in person, they don't really have any friends at school, a lot of them are bullied, many of them aren't really active in clubs, or sports, or extracurricular programs. If you're going to take away this one big thing from them, you have to replace it with I think one of those, which they should be in already.
Brian: Yeah, just real quick, I think one of the things that would have helped me in the beginning was if I had just gotten out of my woke echo chamber at my college, like if I had someone took me surfing, or gone dirt biking, gotten into some kind of rigorous exercise, I think that would have really helped, but yeah it's true. My psychologist, when my dad wasn't down with it, she was like “eh, you just won't have a father anymore” and I cut him out of my life for many years and I regret that now but, you know, had I just gone camping with my dad a couple times, or just listened to—I mean once I started listening to—it's really corny, but I started—I listened—there was two podcasts with Joe Rogan that I listened to as a trans, I was like “no no no, I'm still a man, I like man things,” and you know, not that women can't like, you know, MMA fights and, you know, certain things, but, you know it really realized that, and being sober, I was like “I made a huge mistake,” and yeah, take your kids out in nature.
[Time is reached, panel ends. Panel moderator thanks panelists, and informs the audience about current bills being considered in the legislature.]
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