#Janus meant THAT truth

[ask-nico-and-the-sides]

What truth? Patton, what happened? Are you okay?

#sanders sides #nico flores #thomas sanders #Janus meant THAT truth #he’s talking from the heart #don’t judge him lol

[tentacle-therapissed]

After Roman says ‘I thought I was your hero’ and Thomas says, ‘you are’, Roman looks over to Janus and Janus nods.

Janus just told everyone his real name moments ago in order to prove that he is both capable of sincerity and willing to be honest with the other Sides so they can start seeing eye to eye. His glove is still off and he is currently in an uncharacteristically vulnerable position that he willingly put himself in. He nods to Roman as if to say "Yes, as the person intrinsically in tune with Thomas’s lying, I can confirm he is telling the truth."

But Roman is looking at Janus as the embodiment of Thomas’s deceit. He’s so used to being played and manipulated by Janus’s lies and faux camaraderie and has now become so on edge that he can’t understand how anyone else could possibly trust anything Janus is saying. He sees the nod as a confirmation that c!Thomas was lying about Roman being his hero and scoffs in shock and betrayal.

c!Thomas looks utterly bewildered at this reaction,

and Janus's smile fades as he realizes how Roman interpreted the nod.

And when Patton says 'we love you', Roman assumes that's a lie too. In the Puzzle Song Roman needs to be reassured that no one hates him, heavily implying this is an underlying insecurity of his. Assuming this is the case, it wouldn't take much for him to believe Patton's 'we love you' meant just the opposite.

Roman's self esteem is so fragile that he takes the others listening to Janus personally. Because if Janus was right, that means Roman made the wrong call in sentencing Thomas to the wedding and doomed them all. If Janus was right, that means he let Thomas down- and it was revealed in Am I Original that Roman is terrified of letting Thomas down.

So now he's convinced (and let's be real, Janus's dig at him for making mistakes didn't help) that he isn't Thomas's hero anymore. Devastating stuff :)

#way back when deceit was first introduced i made a rlly messy post in which i said there were weird similarities between deceit and roman #like. they both have transatlantic accents. theyre both actors. theyre also both rlly dramatic and have specific exaggerated hand mannerisms #i wonder if roman feels like janus is replacing him #sanders sides #ts roman #roman sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #ts janus #ts deceit #deceit sanders #sanders sided analysis

[amazable01]

A little quick write inspired by @dailysandersidesaudoodles mafia mociet drawings. Soz if it's not great, I wrote this at midnight <3

TWs: Mafia-typical gun violence; coercion; morally gray sides; mentions of sickness, poverty, intoxication; description of injuries (bruising and being tied up); implied animal death (hunting); toxic relationship dynamics

“Can you do it?”

Four words. Four deceptively simple words.

Patton held it in shaking hands, eyes trained on the barrel in front of him. He’d never fired a gun before; never even thought about it. His pop had tried to teach him when he was little, but he’d never had the stomach to hurt the animals he was told to hunt. The ripple of power, the loud bang, the whimpering pain the creature released as red sprayed across the ground before him. Patton had vowed then and there never to hunt again, never to shoot a living thing.

And yet, here he was.

The man they had chosen for this was someone Patton knew all too well. A stock broker. A conman. A monster and abuser. And, of course, Patton’s boss. He’d been bound to a chair, tied down tightly to the wood. The bright ropes cut into his bruised skin to leave colorful dots and lines, not unlike a pretty package on Christmas. Even the green gag had been wrapped in the front in a sadistic mockery of a bow, all ready to be splattered and frayed with the shot Patton had been gifted.

The hand on him shifted, now placing its palm flat against his lower abdomen. Patton couldn’t tell if it was meant to be comforting, encouraging, or mocking. He… really didn’t think he wanted to know, come to think of it. Seeing that crooning face all over again wouldn’t help his rapid, unspooling indecision any more than it had the first time.

This group was Patton’s last resort. Almost destitute, Patton had crawled pityingly to their doorstep with his ill son in hand. Logan was of a sickly nature; brilliant of mind yet feeble of body. It had taken only one boy at school to walk in feeling under the weather, and Logan was unable to move on his own. Patton had tried to cure him, tried to pay for the treatments, and no one bothered to give any real help. He’d lost every penny on the boy he so desperately loved, and he was rewarded with being kicked to the curb by both his landlord and boss.

Janus was the lucky one to answer his endless pleas for sanctuary. The man brought them in, nursed Logan back to health with no cost. Not only that, he housed them and gave Patton a job close by in order to get back on his feet. He wanted Patton around because it was apparently rare to see such a bright mind and a beautiful face together at the same time. Patton had fallen for the flattery and adoration on the spot.

As time had passed, Patton became more desperate for Janus’ affections. The man acted like Patton was the most interesting little doll he’d found at a charity shop: only worth bothering with because there was a spark of potential and the soft slump of obedience in Patton’s gaze. And as for Patton, Janus was the very air he breathed: smokey and husky and tainted with feelings best left in the quiet hours after intoxication. At this point, Patton was under his spell completely, willing to do everything Janus had asked of him and promising he always would be.

And here they were now. Janus wanted to see precisely how far Patton would go if asked. Patton had promised once more he would do anything.

The gun trembles. He runs a finger over the hammer.

“Is he not worthy enough to die? Is my word not enough for you?”

An immaculate finger ghosts over Patton’s earlobe, barely there but enough to make him shudder in equal terror and agony. A tear wells up behind his lenses.

‘No one would know’, Janus had promised. It was to be their little secret, a truth unspoken to all and carried to the dusty grave Patton would be lowered in. It was to be his hell, his horror, his beauty and acceptance. In doing this, Patton would belong to them, to him. There would be no point in leaving after he made this choice; Janus would have more than enough evidence to get Logan off him before throwing Patton away somewhere so he wouldn’t talk.

Not that Patton would ever talk. He was in too deep for that, now.

“Maybe you need direction? Perhaps you have forgotten what I need of you…”

A hand cups Patton’s shaking one, and steadies it as Janus gently shifts Patton’s hand into proper aim. Patton watches as a thumb reaches around ever-so-gently, and cocks the hammer into place to prime the gun.

The man in the chair squirms and screams. Janus chuckles gently under his breath.

Patton closes his eyes, and shifts his finger onto the trigger.

“Fire.”

There was no other option, in the end. There was no world where Patton would not choose to obey.

#mociet #patton sanders #janus sanders #ts patton #ts janus #hope the mociet girlies like this one #i was planning on working on something bigger but inspo hit and i thought 'fuck it we ball' #i'll fix any edits in the morn #but hope ya'll enjoy <3

[typically-untypical]

Lucky

AU: Soulmate Human AU

CW: Remus Angst

WC: 3703

Date: 12/7/2023

There were few people in the world who were as lucky as Remus. He had been born with four soulmates, four people he could pour all of his love and admiration onto and have it be reciprocated. Even if he was a little weird, even if he was a bit reckless, there were going to be four people who loved him through it all.

There were few people in the world who were as lucky as Remus. When he was in middle school he had made two new friends only to find out pretty quickly that they were his soulmates. He had found two of his forever people before he even turned 13 and he knew he was going to have a life full of happiness and love with the two of them. When they found their other two soulmates, Remus was going to be the happiest person in the world.

Remus had a run of bad luck. It could happen to anyone. A few teachers who didn't like him, a few gossipy students who wanted to ruin him, and two parents who didn't believe him. It was a recipe for disaster. Remus was sent away, but he had already met two of his soulmates and his brother, so it was okay.

Remus' bad luck continued. His brother was isolated from him, apparently a bad influence isn't worth talking to. His soulmates were isolated from him. Janus' parents were convinced Remus was the devil and Virgil's own family was chaos. Between the drama in their lives and the restrictions in Remus' their communication faltered and failed more and more until it was basically non-existent. 

There were few people in the world who were as unlucky as Remus. He had finally gotten out of his crappy high school his parents had shipped him to. He had his freedom, but he had no one. Virgil's phone was disconnected, Janus' father picked up when Remus tried to call, and Roman wanted nothing to do with him. Remus was alone but he didn't need luck. He could be strong. He could fight. Not to mention, he had hope. Remus still had two soulmates who might want to see him.

There were few people in the world who were as unlucky as Remus. He stared down at his phone, looking at his brother's instagram. He was home for the summer break, his first semester of college over with, and he had brought home two friends. At first Remus couldn't believe his eyes, two men, two soulmarks, both matching his missing pieces. His brother had to have known. He had to have understood what it meant becoming friends with those two people, those two specifically. Remus threw his phone at the wall of his apartment. It was drafty and poorly maintained but it was his. He had learned how to do most of the repairs himself. He had gotten into a job himself, and damn it was exhausting, but he had done it all for the hope that one day his luck would turn around, one day he could be loved again. Sinking to the floor, Remus put his head in his knees, closing his eyes and fighting the tears that threatened to well up from inside of him. It had all been a rumor, a stupid rumor his parents and teachers took as truth. Yes he liked the macabre, but that didn't make him a monster, and even if he was, what of it. He wasn't hurting anyone. Remus ran a hand through his hair, looking at the dent in his wall. He was going to have to fix that. He could get all the supplies and then maybe get himself something cheap to eat from a fast food place. It was so hard to cook cheaply for one person especially when he didn't have proper storage space for leftover or bulk cooking. 

Pushing himself to his feet, Remus walked over and picked up his phone, quickly closing the Instagram app so he wasn't able to focus on what he lost. He had wanted to go back home after high school, to return to his hometown and find Janus and Virgil. However, being completely cut off from financial help, it wasn't necessarily easy for him to make it back home. He might be able to now that it was a year later, but his finances still weren't completely secure. Maybe he should start posting on Instagram rather than just stalking his brother, then Janus and Virgil could find him easier, but honestly, Remus was nervous. So much had gone wrong in his life, he was afraid of trying to reach out again, of watching it all blow up in his face. He had an account, but it was blank, and he wasn't following anyone, not even Roman. Remus hadn't wanted to give his brother the chance to block him. He couldn't handle being anymore disconnected then he already was. 

Slipping his phone into his pocket, Remus ruffled his long hair. He had started dying it green ever since he got out of that stupid boarding school. Maybe he should post that, he could dye his hair again, it was getting a bit faded and he could buy box dye and a steak quesadilla and just do something for himself today. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Remus went to check his bank account. He had enough money for it, especially if he wasn't going to try and go back to his hometown. He needed to find another word for it. That place hadn't been home in a really long time. 

True to his word, Remus spent the rest of his night dying his hair a bright green, he even trimmed it up and made it look nice before taking a picture and posting it. He wasn't trying to get famous or anything, just trying to throw out a line. He wasn't the type to sit by helplessly. If Janus and Virgil didn't find him, then it wasn't actually meant to be. If they did and didn't want him... well he could continue deluding himself. 

After seeing his last two soulmates with Roman, he wasn't expecting to ever have them by his side. He was sure his brother had already told them a million awful things about the type of person he was. He was going to cling to what he knew, who he knew. Virgil and Janus had been such wonderful soulmates. They had just been kids when they met, and that's all they wanted to be back then. The three of them would sneak onto the school at night, they would play harmless pranks on each other and when things were really hard for Virgil at home, they would all come together and just exist. That's what Remus wanted, he wanted someone he could exist with, someone he could go home to. He wasn't sure what that was going to mean for any of them in a future, if they even had one together, but he imagined Halloweens spent in graveyards, Christmases spent in the forest. He imagined so much while he was separated from them. Now he just hoped to have them in his house one day. 

[Section Break]

Virgil sat on Janus' couch, curled up against him as he scrolled through tumblr. Janus had just gotten back for summer break and Virgil wasn't intending on leaving his side if it could be helped. He had gotten super clingy after they lost Remus, and it really was their fault. The two of them should have tried harder to keep in contact with him, but he hadn't had a cell phone when he was sent to that stupid boarding school and Virgil's home life had gotten so much worse. Remus had been so isolated, but so had Virgil up until the day he turned eighteen and ran away. Janus was the one who had helped him out, hiding most of it from his parents. The two of them were all each other had and even now they could only cuddle like this because both of his parents were out on a cruise. Their only son came back from college and they were gone. Virgil didn't know how they could stand to be separated from him.

"You're squishing me again, I can't breathe," Janus chuckled, shifting so he could pull Virgil a bit closer. "How is it you are a guest in this house and yet taking up my entire couch?"

"It's not my fault your couch is so small," Virgil stretched as if to make a point and Janus rolled his eyes before leaning down to kiss him.

"It's not my fault you're so tall."

"You're just short, even Remus-" Virgil cut himself off, they weren't supposed to talk about Remus, it hurt too much, but sometimes he couldn't help it.

"You're thinking about him again, aren't you?" Janus put down his phone, running a hand over Virgil's eyes to hide him from the world. They had had to stop thinking about Remus, stop dwelling on him. It was tearing both of them apart. Virgil blamed himself for not reaching out more and Janus worried about whether or not Remus was doing alright. Everything had gone from perfect to falling apart in such a short time, and they had just been kids. 

"I can't help it. I keep thinking if I had written him letters, or if I had done literally anything at all, maybe I could have kept in touch with him, maybe he and I could be working to support you through what you want to do and not what your parents want you to do."

"A third income would help," Janus teased, rubbing his thumb across Virgil's temple, watching as his boyfriend wrapped his fingers around Janus' hand, holding him closer. "But it's not your fault. It's not either of our faults. If anything, we can blame Roman."

Virgil snorted but didn't argue. The two of them both had a bone to pick with Roman who had truly gone to the dark side in high school. He had perpetuated the rumors about his brother and started using Remus as his tragic backstory. Senior year Virgil had decked Roman for his lies. He had gotten suspended for three days but it had been worth it.

"Do you want to jump onto instagram and make fun of him?" Janus asked and Virgil pouted. It wasn't fair for him to be so well known. He was supposed to be mysterious.

"Yeah," He finally relented, slowly pulling down Janus ‘hand so he could see once again. "After, do you want to go to the mall and see if we can scope out soulmates? More people means more eyes looking for Remus."

"I guess if we have to leave the comfort of my home the mall is acceptable." Virgil poked Janus in the side and they both laughed a bit, settling back into their silence. It was hard to keep themselves smiling and happy, but they did their best. They fought to keep and hold each other, not willing to lose one another again. Janus opened up Roman's instagram and immediately shot up almost pushing Virgil off the couch.

"What? What happened?"

"Look at this!" He held his phone out. Virgil and Janus were both looking at Roman with two men they had never seen before, two men who had their soulmarks.

"We should break into the house," Janus said quietly but seriously and Virgil shot up. It was so like Remus and for a moment it almost felt like he was here, but then the moment faded and Virgil was very aware that this was an awful idea.

"We should not, we can't break into Remus' childhood home. Especially not with Roman there. The two probably aren't even with him, they're probably in a hotel or something."

Janus lifted his eyebrow, standing up as well. "Come on Virgil, think about it. They have so many bedrooms, and the Prince parents are so concerned about status. They would never have their guests stay in a hotel. They are probably in the media room watching some stupid movie. Also, this is something Remus would do, and if they can't see past it, then they won't accept Remus, and I won't accept them."

Virgil wrung his hands together. "This… this is a really bad idea, but I'll follow you anywhere."

A look of love and adoration crossed Janus' face as he pulled Virgil in for a kiss. He wasn't the type for sudden affection, he preferred to be more mysterious than that, but sometimes, he had too much love to keep held in his chest. When they finally separated he smirked softly. "Let's go break into a house."

It wasn't really breaking into a house if they had a key, right? Technically they didn't break anything. Virgil still looked terrified about the whole thing, but he was doing his best to keep on a neutral face. Janus was proud, but also knew he would have to do almost all of the talking with this. He made his way to the media room, which was actually empty but then he heard laughing from the living room and Janus tilted his head that direction. Part of him felt the need to be dramatic, to flicker the lights and scare all of them, the other part of him did want to impress his soulmates. He would just have to wait for the right moment.

"Alright, Roman, what's your greatest fear?" The curly haired one asked and that was Janus' moment.

"Oh I can answer that," He walked in, leaning against the door frame with a smirk. "He's afraid he'll turn out to be like his brother, or at least, what he imagines his brother is."

The room was silent for a moment before the taller one went for his phone. It looked like he was dialing someone when Roman sighed and rolled his eyes. 

"What are you doing here, Janus?" His tone was flat and Janus would have been offended if he wasn't more focused on the importance of what was in front of him.

"Coming to meet my soulmates, since you decided to hide the two of them from us."

"I wasn't hiding anything from them or you," Roman stated and at the same time Logan and Patton spoke.

"Us?"

Virgil slowly walked around the corner. "Sorry to disturb you, I thought it was a bad idea, but also, we didn't want to miss an opportunity to meet you." He looked over at the two men. "I'm Virgil, and this is Janus."

"How cruel of you to not let me introduce myself, but I guess Princy already broke that for me. Yes, my name is Janus and if you'd like me to unrobe, I can prove that the two of us are your soulmates. However, that might offend poor Roman's delicate sensibilities."

"Now see here," Roman shot up, making his way toward Janus but was stopped by Logan.

"Allow me to make sure I have all of the information correct. You know these two men?"

Roman nodded.

"And you were aware that we shared soulmarks."

Roman nodded again. "But, I just realized it today, when we were all in the pool."

Logan hummed and sighed, looking up at Roman. "What else are you hiding?"

Janus smirked at that. "Oh you haven't told them have you?" 

"Quiet," Logan said standing up, "We could very well have you arrested for trespassing. Simply because I am irritated at Roman doesn't mean you are off the hook." He swiveled back to Roman. "What else haven't you told us?"

Patton stood up slowly, putting a hand on Logan's arm. "Hey, love, deep breath. I'm sure Roman has a reason, and isn't it just a bit romantic that they came running to find us as soon as they knew where we were?" He asked with a softness that melted some of Logan's ire. He took in a slow deep breath and turned back to Roman expectantly.

"Do you remember the brother I've told you about?"

"The brother who bullied someone until they left school?"

"You fucking liar!" Virgil hissed, stepping forward. "Is that what you told them about him? You know that was a stupid rumor. Jenna moved because her parents were relocated. The two of them barely interacted." It was Janus' turn to reach out and reign his love in. Patton looked a bit surprised. Logan looked suspicious.

"What about your brother?" Logan asked.

"He's your fourth soulmate." The room was deathly silent for a bit, none of them dared to breathe. "I didn't know, I swear I didn't know until today, and I didn't know how to tell you. Remus really was awful, he was always trying to be in the spotlight, always attempting to do weird things just to get other people's attention. He didn't understand how to behave and he stepped all over people's boundaries. He wasn't a good person, and I wasn't sure how to tell you that the universe decided you should be with someone like that. I was going to tell you eventually, but I just... I didn't know how."

Patton pulled Roman in for a hug. "We know the soulmate subject is tricky for you, but this is a decision you should have let us make." 

Logan rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I agree, especially since you have no idea where your brother is." Logan turned to Janus and Virgil, "My name is Logan, would you two happen to know where Remus is?"

They both immediately turned somber and Logan sighed. "Very well, now that we know what we're dealing with. I think it's probably best if you two head home as you weren't invited and you are currently trespassing. Roman, we are going to have a very frank discussion about your brother." He pulled out his phone, opening it up and handing it to Janus. "Please put your phone number in, I shall call you in the morning and we can discuss things further." Janus raised his eyebrow and said nothing as he put his name and number in the phone, adding a heart emoji just for flair.

[Section Break]

After they had left, Logan sighed and rubbed his face. "Roman, I have always been aware that your disdain for your brother might be more than you were willing to admit, however, hiding our soulmate from us is reprehensible at best and an intentional betrayal of our friendship at worst."

Roman's face soured but Logan continued. He didn't want this to turn into an argument, he just wanted to understand. "Tell us about Remus, not your opinions, but what he has actually done."

They had a conversation, a long one, a hard one. It went several hours into the night and at the end of it Patton and Roman, who weren't used to all nighter study sessions, were both exhausted. Logan, on the other hand, wanted to reach out to Janus first. He had gotten as much information as he could from Roman, including Remus' disownment and the location of Remus' boarding school he had been sent to. Logan had a job now. He didn't think Remus would be far from where the boarding school was, especially if he hadn't had the money to leave. Which meant he could construct a radius, and maybe they could go on a field trip. He wanted a chance to meet his soulmate. He wanted to be able to decide for himself whether or not Remus was too much. Logan didn't like being told what he could and couldn't do, what he could and couldn't have. He made the decisions for himself, and he would judge Remus for himself.

He and Patton spent the rest of the night coming up with a plan, Roman consistently sulking in the corner. In the morning the two of them spoke to Remus and Janus again. It was decided, they were going to go on a road trip, not only to try and find Remus, but also in order to get to know one another better. That's what led Patton here, standing with Janus in a coffee shop almost a full state away. The drive had been hard, but fun and they had decided to split up into unfamiliar pairs. Patton was getting to know Janus and the ways he had with words. He was currently sweet talking a barista, acting calm and collected, yet Patton had also seen him go on rants about injustice as he and Logan debated. There were so many sides to Janus and Patton was utterly fascinated.

"Can you tell us anymore about this patron, like what areas he frequents?" The barista shook her head, but then her eyes lit up.

"I don't know where he is, but I think that's him." She was pointing to a figure walking past the coffee shop, shuffling about in a daze. He looked so tired and in need of such care. Patton was moving on his own, quickly making his way to the man with bright green hair, a thunderbolt tattoo on his arm that matched the one of Patton's. As soon as he got to Remus' side, the man faltered and fell into Patton's arms. He must have been exhausted. 

"Angel?" He asked quietly, and Patton couldn't help the smile that lit up his face. He was already starting to like Janus, so of course he was willing to jump into this feet first.

"I'm sorry kiddo, I'm not an Angel, but I think I could fall for you like Lucifer." 

Remus snorted, slowly pushing himself up. "Cute," he muttered, yawning. "Thanks for catching me-"

It seemed like he had more to say, but didn't get a chance as Janus flung himself at Remus. "You're here."

"Jay?" He asked, trepidation and nervousness in his voice before he scooped up Janus, both of them inevitably falling on their asses. It didn't matter, not as Remus continued to call out Janus' nickname, and not as Patton sent a picture to Virgil and Logan. 

Patton could tell, they were going to be the luckiest group ever.

@tsspromptmonth

#Untypical Creations #Sanders Sides #Sanders Side fic #Fanfic #Remus Sanders #Patton Sanders #Virgil Sanders #Janus Sanders #Logan Sanders #Roman Sanders #soulmate au #human au

[anxiousandindenial]

I think that the Sanders Sides might represent more than each has told.

Let me explain.

Okay, so we know that the sides can represent more than just their official role. Logan also represents reason, knowledge, and realistic expectation. Patton also represent emotions, childlike wonder, and over controlling yourself. Roman also represents passion, ego, femininity, and masculinity. We haven't seen a lot of Remus, and have no official things that he represents besides intrusive thoughts, but we can surmise based on his personality and entrance he also represents dark thoughts (such as ones induced by depression), disturbing thoughts (which are very different from intrusive thoughts), and impulsivity. Janus represents deceit, denial, self-preservation, and selfishness. As for Virgil, he represents anxiety, but he also represents shame, apprehension, introversion, pessimism, paranoia, fear (to some extent), foresight, caution, anticipation, motivation (slightly, but this is more by proxy of him representing anxiety), and satisfaction. Now, that last one may not seem accurate, but here's a quote from Accepting Anxiety Part 2 from Patton: "ALSO, YOU'RE THAT FEELING OF TINGLINESS AFTER ACHIEVING SOMETHING HE DIDN'T THINK WAS POSSIBLE!" That feeling is known as satisfaction. However, satisfaction doesn't seem to go along with the other things he represents, which are all before the event things, while this is a post event feeling. So perhaps he represents more similar things, and perhaps the other sides also have more to them. Let's take another look.

Logan first. Now, if we inspect his behavior throughout the show, we notice something: He seems to get annoyed easily. He also gets angry rather easily. Some would say this signifies that he's being influenced by the orange side, and that the orange side is Anger/Wrath, but I have my own theories about that. I think that this may mean Logan may also represent Anger and Annoyance, two things that would go right along with Logan's personality, and his habit of being ignored over the need to be polite.

Next, Roman. Now, for Roman, it's a bit tricky, however, if we look through everything, including how he acts towards the Dark Sides, we begin to realize something: He seems to decry and defame anybody who is different, suggest a different idea, or who is criminalized by the world. Therefore, he may also represent Bias/Prejudice and Societal Conformity.

Third, Patton. Now, Patton is extremely difficult, but after some searching, verifying, and double-checking, I noticed that Patton's default is to try to convince the other sides that his way is most important, often going to Roman first, then Logan, then the others, in no particular order. Therefore, it could be that our dear daddy Patton also represents Manipulation. However, the reason he hasn't taken total control of them all by now? One, he is likely repressing that part of him in favor of being "nice", and two, Patton is canonically an indecisive mess. With that in mind, we can accurately guess that Patton likely also represents Indecision.

Fourth, Remus. Now, Remus' is a little bit obvious, he essentially says it right up front with the 'cut out all the juicy stuff' comment. Remus is Honesty. And as for the other, it may seem odd, or like I'm reaching, but hear me out. Remus makes a lot of comment about religion, especially on the way of innocence, the losing if it, as well as biblical events that were meant to teach a lesson. Therefore, it is possible that Remus may be Wisdom.

Now for Janus. In SvS Redux he didn't use lies at all near the end, relying instead in harsh truths, ones that Thomas maybe would've preferred to have been kept in denial about, so clearly he didn't care about or even consider his purpose as Deceit. Plus, Thomas wasn't even lying here, so Janus shouldn't have even been summoned. Some would claim that Thomas was in denial, and that's enough, but we have seen that the state of simply being in denial is not enough to summon him, or he would've been summoned three or four thousand times in the first season. You have to actively lie to summon him, and Thomas wasn't actively lying. Additionally, he was summoned in DWIT, when Thomas clearly wasn't intending to lie, and objecting to it in the first place. You know what he was feeling both times? Guilt. So perhaps he represents Guilt, which, while similar to his normal things, is also very separate from them. Now, in addition, we notice that Janus only attacks or uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism. Additionally, his whole purpose throughout the show has been "Protect Thomas by keeping him in denial," but then it became "Protect Thomas by helping him face his inner demons," as seen by the fact that he revealed Remus and allowed them to defeat him when he could've just let Remus keep festering, which would've actually benefited Janus, but not Thomas. So perhaps Janus represents Protectiveness as well, even protectiveness towards oneself.

Now, with this in mind, the realm for what Orange could be suddenly got a lot smaller. It has to be something that could be a dichotomy of Logan while not being an emotion (as none of the sides are an emotion, with the exception of Virgil). Additionally, it needs to leave room for him to also represent things that are not directly related to what he is. Now what is he? I can't say, though I do have my theories.

#sanders sides #janus sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #ts sides #orange side

[orbmanson7]

Expressing Anger: An Extensive Analysis of Logan's Statement in SVS:R

Let's talk about Logan's statement here, shall we? (This is a very long post; continue at your own risk.)

The last plot-specific episode, Putting Others First (aka Selfishness vs Selflessness: Redux), showed something unique about Logan that I haven't seen many people mention. 

Logan spoke up about his frustration.

This may seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but hear me out.

Typically, Logan states facts and provable truths; he sticks to what he knows and what he believes will be useful for the topic at hand.

However, he has had moments of frustration, annoyance, and anger, alongside other emotions that he may or may not even be aware of, that don't necessarily counter the facts he relays, but can change their meaning and interpretation. In these moments, something precedes Logan's anger and he has, at times, responded impulsively instead of thinking through his actions and deciding on a better move.

Take, for instance, the moment in Learning New Things About Ourselves where Roman and Logan argue for a second time about clarification, and Roman remarks that Logan wasn't just going "above and beyond" with clarity but that he was going "overboard" with it and that it was stupid. This finally bothers Logan enough that he crumples up the card in his fist and shouts as he throws it at Roman, hitting him in the eye. 

Now, Logan instantly expresses shock, confusion, and then regret after this moment, and then promptly apologizes for his behavior and suggests he should leave, likely to prevent the unusual situation from happening again.

Logan at no point in the rest of the episode addresses what caused him to react that way. He speaks on the initial argument he and Roman had, but focuses more on the root of the problem presented there and agrees to try to do better.

When it comes to his emotions, though, Logan's response is only to ever explain that he doesn't have emotions, which we (and everyone else) know is a lie, including Logan.

Because Logan doesn't bring up the frustration (and may have not fully realized it was frustration), there is no true reconciliation from Roman about what he said that upset Logan, nor from Logan about his harmful actions towards Roman.

This is a more common occurrence than one might come to expect, though, as Logan is either unwilling to or deems it unnecessary to address what causes his outbursts. And that's because anger doesn't just bubble out of nothing, especially not for him. 

Anger serves the purpose of notifying others of when they've crossed a boundary, getting them to stop or change their behavior, and standing up for what someone believes in or standing against something they don't.

So, fast-forward to Putting Others First, and the scene where Logan is asked to provide information from a "real philosopher" to support what Patton was trying to explain, only for Patton to hit "Skip All" and effectively remove Logan from the discussion.

This is something far beyond having your methods labeled "stupid" in an argument, as Patton had asked for his help and then when that help was provided, Patton didn't like it. But instead of saying as much (instead of beating around the bush about it), he quickly took advantage of Janus' trick to 'skip' over Logan's dialogue. We are shown that Logan is then removed from the scene entirely, and there is no response to this action. They simply move on in their discussion as though it meant nothing.

Later, when Logan (the actual Logan) resurfaces, he does something he has never done before. 

He expresses his frustration with the situation.

Well, I mean, he did technically admit once to being frustrated back in Moving On (Part 1), but that was only because everyone was also frustrated and he never mentioned anything about it beyond that. But in this particular instance in Putting Others First, he actually expresses himself in regards to his frustration.

He says it in a very passive-aggressive tone, stating "Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed. And I don't want to talk about it. I'm just here to deliver one last fact, and then I will do you all a favor and spare you my company."

This remark is full of anger, as anyone can see, but it's very interesting if we break it down and look deeper at each individual part.

First, he's addressing the other sides and Thomas' failure to respond to the action (wrongdoing) made against him by Patton (and Janus) earlier. He specifically says "not that any of you care," which is a very emotionally-charged thing to say for someone who prefers to stick to facts and stay objective.

He is assuming that they do not care, which could have easily been inferred by their lack of reaction and failure to respond to the action made against him. But even if it was true that they didn't care, Logan would have no way to know that this is absolutely true. (Note: I think they probably did care, even if they didn't show it, but they were all caught up in Thomas' problem and what Patton had to say about it that they pushed any concern for Logan down to a very low priority in that moment.) But he is stating this as though it is a fact.

This is odd because, as we've seen throughout the series, Logan doesn't often pick up on mood shifts and appropriate responses within conversation - his EQ (emotional quotient) is rather low, meaning he is prone to not always recognizing or understanding emotions (both his own or others'), not always picking up on body language or sarcasm or changes in tone, and not always knowing how to communicate effectively in certain situations.

However, there is one thing he seems to do when he's frustrated or annoyed that we've seen in multiple episodes, which is that he states what he thinks very bluntly. Now, this can be difficult to pick up on as Logan tends to speak very bluntly and concisely at all times, but the distinction to look for is the underlying emotion that is present in specific moments. 

Take, for example, his part in the Incomplete song from Learning New Things About Ourselves, after Thomas says, "Actually, that was for your benefit," and Logan responds, rather bluntly, "I don't see how that can be relevant." While this was rude within its context, he is mostly just speaking bluntly. He is saying outright that he doesn't understand why this has anything to do with the discussion they were having. However, he is frustrated because he thinks the song is a waste of time, and he wants to say this objectively and resolutely, but he is angry and that anger coats his words, whether intentional or not. As such, his comment about relevance doesn't sound like someone who's confused, it sounds like someone who thinks they know better and is rudely telling them off for doing something wrong (and that's how tone change works!).

And because his words are perceived as rude and undermining, everyone around him reacts emotionally, which Logan then responds to with emotion, as well. His anger becomes more prevalent as he goes head-to-head with Thomas, purposefully pinpointing Thomas' negligence and desire to distract himself from the actual issue (because that's what he thinks all this singing and puppets really is - another distraction from the work that needs to be done). It's not until later, when he realizes this was a creative way to work through the problem for Thomas and was not actually a distraction, that he releases the frustration and tension he had throughout most of the episode, where he then continues to speak bluntly but without that underlying emotion tinting it.

Back to Putting Others First, his remark that the others do not care is steeped in this same emotion (but far more intensely), and while his words may seem blunt because of how he's speaking, they are not blunt at all - they're actually very sharp! 

He is purposefully targeting them emotionally by saying "not that any of you care" and leaving no room for argument. He is stating it as if it were a fact, and likely knows that this will hurt them emotionally, to possibly give them pause to reflect on their own actions (or lack thereof) and feel regret. It's a form of retribution, something that anger is all about.

He wants them to feel how he felt.

In essence, this is a counter attack, a strike in return for the strike he received. 

Moving on, he states that he is unharmed. Again, he is stating this as a fact, likely because it is a fact - physically, at least. But why mention it?

He is, again, poking at their emotions, by bringing forward their disregard to his safety due to their actions (or lack thereof). By saying "I am unharmed," what he means is "I could have been." And with the precursor of "not that any of you care," he is implying that they wouldn't care if he was actually hurt, and stating it altogether as though he knows it's a fact. Again, this is a phrase built for retribution, it's meant to invoke an emotional response from the others, to bother them and make them regret what they've done (which seemed to work, given their reactions).

What's a little odd is that, if this was only about any kind of physical harm, the others should be able to easily recall Logan stating he (as a metaphysical being) could not be physically harmed back in Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts when he endured multiple 'attacks' from Remus. He showed that these have no real-world impact and kept very calm and unbothered throughout them all to prove to Thomas that things would be okay and not to be scared.

So if they remembered Logan couldn't be physically harmed, they would have no reason to worry if he was okay after what happened. But Logan knows how much they did worry back in Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts, so much so that he had to show them multiple times that he was perfectly fine.

So, given that Logan was angry in this moment and wanted to provoke an emotional response, this just adds to the fodder. He wanted them to think about if he had gotten hurt and how he believed they wouldn't care if that happened. He wanted them to feel bad for not caring about him, regardless of whether it was even possible for him to get hurt in the first place.

We'll not get into emotional harm here, as Logan wouldn't have admitted to it if that was the case, and while it has definitely had an emotional impact on him, he clearly didn't want to address that, which is why he didn't clarify the type of harm in his statement.

After this, he states "and I don't want to talk about it." Again, this is probably actually true, as he is speaking about himself and what he wants, and he would know with certainty if that is true or not. 

But here's the thing - when was the last time Logan has expressed what he wants? It's been a very long time, so I actually went ahead and rewatched old episodes to find this out. There are only 4 instances where he mentioned wanting or not wanting something throughout the series, the most recent being Learning New Things About Ourselves wherein he inferred that he didn't want to be seen as a joke because he needed to be taken seriously in order to do his job. The only instance where he has actually stated blatantly that he "wants" anything was in Accepting Anxiety (Part 1) when Thomas asked him if he wanted the other sides to weigh in on the issue, and Logan said that he did want that.

But, regardless, my point here is that this isn't really something Logan typically does. In this moment in Putting Others First, however, this is very significant, and the reason is because what Logan is doing here with this statement is establishing a boundary.

He is stating, resolutely, that he doesn't want to talk about his situation. He's expressed that he believes the others don't care about him and he's leaving it at that, with no room for their excuses, and then making it clear he wants everyone to move on with the discussion and not talk to him about it.

It's easy to think this may be untrue, that he does want to talk about it but that it's maybe 'too fresh a wound' to be comfortable doing so right now, but Logan is the type to be upfront and speak honestly. If he was bothered and wanted to discuss this later, he would have said that, even while angry. But what he stated instead was that he did not want to talk about it, establishing a clear and concise boundary, meaning the others should listen to that and respect it.

(This is also why Logan raises his voice afterward when Patton tries to placate him, which he just outright stated he did not want them to do.)

But like I mentioned already, this is one of the only times Logan has ever established a boundary for himself. He is someone who tends to find ways to adapt for the benefit of Thomas and the other sides, and this leaves him very open for making mistakes, experiencing failure, and enduring ridicule. And yet, through all this, he doesn't often state what he wants. He has, on many occasions, mentioned his suggestions for Thomas to improve himself, but he doesn't tell Thomas or the other sides that they need to adapt for him. He makes suggestions if there may be a benefit to Thomas (ex. telling Virgil and Patton to back off a bit in Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts), but he does not expect anyone to cater to his wants at all, which is why he is so surprised when he gets something he likes (ex. 12 Days of Christmas, Crofters The Musical). 

The point I'm getting at here is that Logan doesn't really establish boundaries, either because he's learned his won't be respected or because he knows he needs to adapt for the sake of others and placing rigid rules can keep him from adapting as flexibly as may be required to do his job.

A weird example off the top of my head here to better explain this, but if he established a boundary that he didn't want, let's say, cookies to be eaten during discussions he has with others, he may recognize there could be some sort of convention to eating as a multitasking behavior to keep Thomas focused, or that he needs to placate Patton or the others to maintain their interest in a particular topic, or maybe he will learn that they learn better through a reward system and thus will have to pull back this boundary because he's seen that the pros outweigh the cons, no matter his reason for establishing the boundary in the first place.

It makes sense he doesn't want to waste time putting some rigid rule in place if he thinks it may need to be changed later in order to do his job, and especially if the other sides won't respect it anyway.

This is why we should fully believe that he means what he says about not wanting "to talk about it" and that Thomas and the other sides need to respect the boundary he just established.

Alright, moving on. Next, Logan explains that he only returned to give one last fact before he will be taking his leave again. This is less emotionally-charged than the rest of the statement, but there is still emotion there. He's telling them that he only came back to teach Thomas something here, so he is both saying he doesn't want to be around them but also that his priority here is his function and use to Thomas, not the other sides. If he didn't have anything useful to say, he likely would have never shown back up at all. Thankfully, though, he did, as it gave him a chance to express his anger, even though he's clearly holding a lot of it back.

But it's important to note here that Logan is playing in to part of the problem he's having, by only appearing in the discussion to fulfill his role and nothing more. He has come to recognize, especially due to events of this episode, that he is only needed to provide information to Thomas, and that (apparently) even that has its limits. Based on their words and actions, Logan believes the other sides do not want him to be included in the discussion. This was probably already the case long before this episode, given that he chose to use a less "invasive" method for his participation, only to be told immediately by Roman that he was unsuccessful in this. Logan would not have been making efforts to exclude his presence unless he knew it was something the other sides wanted. He doesn't decide things on a whim, he would have to have come to the conclusion that this was the best approach.

I specify "the other sides" here, by the way, because I don't know how true it is of each individual side or about Thomas' view on this, and I'm sure Logan isn't fully certain about that, either. Unfortunately, due to the events of Putting Others First, Logan may be more inclined to believe Thomas doesn't want him there, but there may still be hope that Thomas does.

So, Logan is playing into his role with this part of his statement, both indicating that this is what he thinks the others want of him (to be absent from the discussion) and that he may believe this is all he can properly provide to them at this point. And what I mean by that is that Logan may believe the others are right to not want him around, or that he may only be useful if he is limited to serving his function to Thomas and nothing more. This isn't true, of course, but if a situation is presented with the same conclusion over and over again, you're more likely to believe that that conclusion will always remain the same. It's understandable if Logan has come to believe this may be true, even if he hopes it's not.

On that sad note, we get to the last part of Logan's statement, which is possibly the part with the most emotion, though that emotion is less anger and more sadness.

He finishes his statement by saying, "and then I will do you all a favor and spare you my company."

There's...a lot here. Like I stated just before this, Logan believes the other sides do not want him around. And while, at face value, this sentence indicates that by leaving, he is doing what they want - in reality, that isn't the full story. Because this part is said with that underlying emotion - two of them, actually - anger and sadness.

The anger is directed at them and the wrongdoing that was committed against Logan, but the sadness is more directed at what Logan sees to be the likely truth. He is angry that the other sides dismiss him and don't want him there, but he is also saddened by this, especially because he thinks it must be a fact.

Hope is hard to have in the face of knowledge, after all. I may want to believe the sky is orange, but there's a hell of a lot of proof that it's blue, you know?

Positive thinking only gets you so far, and at some point, you just have to face the facts and try to keep moving forward despite the negativity of the truth. And that's what Logan has been doing, he's lost that hope that maybe there is some silver lining to how he's been treated, that maybe if he adapts enough then he'll finally be accepted, but this episode, this moment, must have been one of the absolute last straws for him, as he is certain of this truth now.

If anything, he can put that positive thinking to use for their benefit instead, and also be passive-aggressive again. This is why he says "I'll do you all a favor" in reference to him leaving. It's not just what they want, it's his gift to them. A big, shitty gift, one that hurt him a lot, but this is what they wanted, right? And shoving that in their faces, again, serves to enact that same retribution as before. He wants them to know he's been hurt and wants them to feel bad for what they've done. The only difference this time is that he's not just angry, he's sad because he knows it won't change anything.

Lastly, I want to note that he specifically refers to his presence as "my company" which I found kind of interesting. It's just a synonym, sure, but 'company' is usually used to infer companionship, that it's time spent with someone who you like to have around or someone who complements or matches you.

So for him to specifically use the phrase "spare you my company," he is either saying 1 of 2 things here - either 1) that he still sees them all as equals, but that he recognizes they cannot be companions with him by definition because they don't want to spend time with him, or 2) that he no longer wants to be considered companions because they do not want him around and that he wants this connection severed.

Overall, it seems this statement from Logan is embedded with emotion, namely anger, and he said it with the intent of causing an emotional reaction from the others. He expressed his frustration.

Now, it'll only be a matter of whether this is ever addressed in the next episode (one that's not an Asides) and if anyone bothers to reflect on or change their behavior regarding it to see its true effect on Logan.

One last thing I'd like to note:

Decisions made of anger are often impulsive and not well thought-out, they are driven by emotion and the need to feel vindicated. This can often evoke regret, the feeling that you made the wrong decision after having the benefit of hindsight.

It is completely possible that Logan may retract the statement he made in this episode. He may review it later and realize he was too emotional, and since he wants to be seen as serious and someone who makes objective decisions, he may regret his decision to speak in the way he did.

He may decide that establishing a boundary could hinder his ability to continue adapting to Thomas' needs and may wish to retract his statement to prevent this becoming a problem, but I doubt he would need to as Logan's personal concerns are very rarely brought into any discussion.

And he may still have hope that some of what he treated as fact was not actually true, and that the other sides do care or that he perhaps has another chance to change himself for their betterment.

That being said, he may come to regret this decision but may stick by it, either out of spite or failure to receive the retribution he desired. He might have come to believe much of what he said was factual and saw no need to counter it, or still has the barest hope that things can improve if he just keeps trying.

In the end, my hope is that this moment is given more meaning in the future, even if it's not addressed right away in the next episode. I would prefer Logan either finally stand up for himself and deal with the potential discord that comes from it, or that the others attempt to reflect on their behavior towards him and begin to change their ways. Obviously, Logan also has some work to do in that regard, but it would ultimately do him some good to speak his mind and genuinely express himself more often.

#sanders sides #logan angst #sanders sides analysis #logan sanders #ts logan #long post #orbs thought bubbles #might make this more palatable with gifs later #god it's so damn long I'm so sorry

[naminethewriter]

Not So Jolly Christmas

It is once again time for the @sanderssidesgiftxchange! This year I wrote for @authorgirl0131 who wanted a story about Janus and Remus' first Christmas with the Lights Sides as well as some Hurt/Comfort. I hope you enjoy 💛

Read here on Ao3

Summary: Janus and Remus spend their first Christmas with the Light Sides. One in particular isn't amused.

Content Warnings: Christmas, Virgil is pretty mean to Janus, Janus is caught in a self-hate spiral near the end, Cursing, Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending

~~*~~

“J-ANUS!” Remus yelled as he crashed into the door to Janus’ room and before Janus could open his eyes, the other was on top of him.

“It’s Christmas! You need to get up! I wanna annoy my brother!”

Janus groaned and slowly opened his eyes, flinching at the brightness of his room. Remus’ sharp grin was only inches from his face and Janus pushed him away with all six of his arms.

“Yes, yes, I know,” he yawned, slowly sitting up. Remus bounced of the bed, and he didn’t stop bouncing as he circled around the room, not standing still for even a second. Janus couldn’t blame him; this would be the first time in forever that he spends the holiday with his brother.

Patton had invited Janus to join them on Christmas day at the beginning of the month. When he had just raised his eyebrows at the suggestion, Patton had quickly tagged on that Remus would be welcome as well, under a few stipulations. Janus’ brow had wandered higher.

“Yes, a wonderful idea of you to invite us behind the others back, that won’t cause any problems at all!” he had scoffed.

“Wha—? No! No, I asked the others. Logan said he didn’t mind, just that I should tell him early on if you agree to come so he has time to organize the presents. Roman and Verge weren’t… thrilled by the idea but they agreed that we should try to get along, for Thomas’ sake. Roman insisted though that Remus had to follow some rules if he wants to come.”

Janus knew Patton wasn’t lying but he could hardly believe it was the truth. Virgil said okay to him and Remus coming? Ever since he left, things had been… more than a little strained. Sure, they hadn’t had the best relationship even before then, but now Virgil met them with animosity whenever he saw them.

Still, he couldn’t turn down the offer if it meant that Remus could finally spend more time with his brother.

“Alright,” he said slowly. “What are these rules then?”

“It’s just about the gifts!” Patton reassured. “Roman said that Remus can’t get us anything that is alive, rotting, sharp, or deadly. Or any combination of those.”

“That’s… fair enough, I suppose. I’ll ask him and get back to you.”

“Please do!” Patton had beamed as if he had already said yes.

Of course, Remus had agreed enthusiastically, which led them to Christmas morning.

“Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!” Remus whined as Janus swung his feet off the bed and into his slippers.

“I do need to get dressed first, Remus,” he reminded.

“Oh, pft, no you don’t! We could both just go in our birthday suits!” He shimmied his shoulders and Janus rolled his eyes fondly. Despite his words, Remus had come to his room fully dressed.

“You said you would behave, Remus. And Patton said that they usually wear their Christmas sweaters, and that we didn’t have to but I like mine, so I’ll go put that on.”

“Ugh, fine! You’re no fun anymore.” Remus threw himself on the bed dramatically as he pouted. Janus didn’t pay him any more attention and disappeared into the bathroom.

He walked to the sink and splashed some water into his face before taking a deep breath. He couldn’t share Remus’ excitement, on the contrary, he was dreading the day more than he looked forward to it. Yes, Patton would do his best to make them comfortable and Logan would be polite as usual, but the other two? Well, Roman would probably be preoccupied by dealing with Remus but that would also mean that Virgil’s focus would be mainly on him.

And that was not an inviting concept.

But he had agreed, so now he had to get through it. If only for Remus’ sake. He again splashed his face with water and got moving to get ready.

When he came back out of the bathroom a few minutes later, fully dressed and a bit more confident to face the day, Remus was crawling along his ceiling on all fours. At least this time he wasn’t secreting slime.

He let himself drop and crashed into the floor when he saw Janus, practically vibrating with excitement again.

“Can we go now?!”

“Almost,” Janus chuckled. Remus’ face fell but Janus knew that he could improve his mood with just a few words. “I have an early present for you.” Immediately, Remus started actually vibrating on the spot, looking at Janus with big eyes.

“What is it? What is it?”

Summoning the box into his hand behind his back, Janus revealed it to his best friend with a flourish. Remus grabbed it greedily, tearing in the wrapping paper and pulling off the lid as soon as he could. Inside laid a thin, green collar with a metal box that kept the ends together.

“Uhh, pretty!” Remus laughed, pulling the collar out of the box with much more care.

“It’s a shock collar,” Janus explained and immediately Remus’ eyes snapped to his.

“For real?” he asked, overjoyed.

“Yes, but—” He grabbed a hold of Remus’ arm before he could put it on and try it out. “For now I have disabled the highest settings. I’m giving this to now because I want you to try and use it to stop yourself from going on your lovely rants the other love so much.” His tone was sarcastic, but his eyes were serious and Remus nodded.

“I get it. Fun impulse control so I don’t fuck it up for us in the first five minutes.”

“Remus—”

“I know, I know. We’re starting small or whatever. I’ll have my fun with this, thanks Banana Bitch!”

Janus sighed but dropped the topic. “You’re welcome. I’ll let you have the full range of options tomorrow, I promise. Now, let’s head to the others before you explode on me.”

Remus whooped, grabbed Janus’ arm and dragged him out of the door.

Janus let him.

This was going to be a long day.

~~*~~

As they arrived downstairs, Janus took a moment to survey the scene before announcing their presence.

(Not that Remus would hold back for his sake, which meant he had until Remus found something to throw himself at. Literally.)

He spotted Virgil and Roman in the living room together, their backs towards him. They were leaning on each other and probably looked at something on a phone together. Patton meanwhile was in the kitchen, humming jovially to the Christmas music playing at a comfortable volume. Logan he couldn’t see, though he presumed he’s helping Patton.

“RO-BRO!” Remus yelled, storming towards the couch and throwing himself into Roman and Virgil’s laps. They both started cursing and shoving at him immediately. Janus decided he wasn’t going to deal with them on his own, so he headed for the kitchen instead.

“Janus!” Patton greeted happily as he saw him enter. “I’m so glad you made it! Remus joined the others in the living room I assume?”

“Yes, he did. Merry Christmas, Patton.” Janus let his eyes wander around the kitchen as he spoke, spotting Logan at the kitchen table, absorbed into a crossword. “And merry Christmas Logan.”

“Merry Christmas to you too, Janus!” Patton laughed while Logan just mumbled, “To you as well,” without looking up from the paper in front of him.

“Don’t mind him, he does one of those every morning and he won’t let the holidays stop him,” Patton smiled, and Janus simply nodded. “Would you mind helping me set the table for breakfast? We’ll do presents first, of course, Roman was already cranky that we had to wait on you to start.”

“Sssure.” The involuntary hiss made Janus flinch slightly – he might be more stressed by the unfamiliar situation than he realized himself – but Patton either didn’t notice or knew not to comment on it as he waved him over to load plates into his hand that he was supposed to place on the living room table.

After only a minute or two they had everything settled and Patton laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you very much for the help, Jan! I really appreciate it.”

“I expect your firstborn in exchange,” he replied dryly and the other laughed.

“But you’re all my kiddos and I don’t actually know which one of you is the oldest!”

“Right.” Janus knew he was being short, but his eyes had wandered over to Roman, Virgil and Remus. Remus seemed to be rambling about something and the other two looked like they would rather be anywhere else. He wondered why they hadn’t tried to stop him.

“Are you nervous?” Patton asked. He was suddenly a lot closer, whispering close to his ear and Janus flinched for the second time that morning.

“No, not at all. Why would I ever be nervous?” Patton didn’t immediately answer but Janus could see in his eyes that he didn’t believe him.

“I understand. But I’ll do my best to make it comfortable for you two, too.”

Janus wanted to bite back, make a witty comment and shrug off the unpleasantness in his stomach but his tongue went dry, and he couldn’t get a word out. So he settled for nodding instead. Patton nodded back and grabbed a plate of cookies off the table.

“Alright, everyone is here so let’s start the day, shall we?” he called, bright and cheery. Janus almost got whiplash from how quickly he had changed his tone.

“Ugh! Finally!” Roman groaned. He grabbed Virgil’s arm and pulled him away from Remus to sit on the other end of the couch. Remus stayed on the floor, a manic grin on his face and Janus could see the movement of his hand in his pocket as he pressed the shock collar remote. The twitch that followed the voltage was almost imperceptible. He remained silent.

“Yes, I have finished my crossword and am ready to give you my undivided attention,” Logan said as he entered from the kitchen. He walked towards the couch with certain steps and took a seat. “Good morning, Remus and merry Christmas.”

“Merry Shitmas, dork!”

Patton laughed uncomfortably at Remus’ returned greeting but didn’t comment on it. He moved towards the Christmas tree that Janus had heard had been created and decorated by Roman. Underneath it sat multiple sets of presents, ten of which Janus had placed there himself during the night, both his and Remus’.

Janus swallowed before moving around the couch to take his own seat. He could tell the moment Virgil noticed him because his gaze felt like a blade trying to dig into him. He gave him only a short glance but that was enough to see the deep distrust in his eyes.

He ended up sitting next to Logan and doing his best to not look over towards Virgil.

The gift giving went mostly smoothly. Patton called a name and that person picked one present of their pile to open. He started with Roman – probably because the prince would have thrown a fit otherwise – and continued with Remus, then Logan, Janus, Virgil and lastly himself. A few presents in, Patton got too distracted by his excitement over what he received that he forgot to call names and Roman just got up, grabbed the rest of his pile and asked who else wanted theirs, too.

The roomed dissolved into loud chatter and yells of excitement. Janus quietly unpacked his gifts – a self-knitted scarf from Patton that had a few holes here and there, a nice bottle of wine from Logan (which he was stopped from opening immediately), a pair of socks from Roman and a blanket from Remus of which he could adjust both temperature and weight. Virgil hadn’t given him nor Remus a present. Janus wasn’t surprised.

His given gifts were received well, too. Patton loved the scrapbook materials and Logan closely studied the motive of the 1500 pieces jigsaw-puzzle. Roman begrudgingly admitted that the fountain pen he had given him was tasteful. He was sure the golden accents and his engraved name helped. Remus cackled manically as he unwrapped his whetstone. His weapons would be even more deadly know, he promised.

At the end only one gift remained wrapped, which Patton pointed out, looking at Virgil quizzically.

“Why’d you leave that one, ki— Virgil?”

“I’m not opening it.”

“But why—?”

“Leave him be,” Janus spoke up, having recognized the wrapping. Virgil stared at him as he said it, his jaw clenched, non-verbally challenging him to agree with Patton and force him to open it.

“But it’s rude towards who gave it to him—"

“He doesn’t have to open it if he doesn’t want to, I don’t mind.”

He’d imagine Virgil wouldn’t have opened Remus’ gift either if Remus hadn’t threatened him to do so with his morningstar. Now Mr. Fuzzy sat with Virgil’s other presents, probably to be thrown into the trash the minute Virgil could get away with it.

(Janus did his best not to think about how much work Remus put into making him.)

Patton looked between the two of them, most likely torn between not wanting to start a fight and reprimand Virgil for being so confrontational.

He settled on, “If you say so,” and called them to the breakfast table.

The tension quickly left the room as they gathered around the table. Roman started bragging about how he gave the best gifts this year which Virgil immediately teased him for, and Remus argued that his had been better. Patton and Logan chimed in occasionally, but Janus kept quiet for them most part. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself again.

The rest of the day passed similarly. They moved from activity to activity (boardgames, movies, etc.) and Janus let the others talk. When he did contribute however, Virgil more often than not shot back with some passive aggressive statements, no matter what the topic had been. Patton tried to get him to stop but Janus waved it off, pretending it didn’t bother him.

Those times Patton didn’t catch him lying.

~~*~~

Then it was time for the last activity of the day. Apparently, it was tradition for the Light Sides to go out to a snowy landscape Roman created to enjoy the chill, drink something warm and light a few sparklers. Janus wasn’t enthused about the idea on grounds that he was cold-blooded and going out into the snow would surely lead to him loosing his precious body heat but he participated nonetheless.

Especially since it gave him an excuse to stay farther away from Virgil.

He took the longest to get ready, as he needed to wear more layers than anyone else. He was in the process of pulling on a second jacket, standing close to the door that would lead him outside to the cold where the others were already waiting.

Well, almost all of them.

Virgil passed him, lightly knocking into him. It didn’t hurt but it certainly got his attention.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to pull here,” Virgil hissed. He stood in the doorway, blocking Janus’ view of the others.

Isolating him.

“If you think you can fool me by playing the good guy, then you’re wrong. I know you. I know your tricks and your lies. And you always lie. You’ve got some kind of agender, you always do. But newsflash, your stupid plans never really seem to work out, now do they? The wedding fiasco for example. You should leave before you ruin this too.”

Virgil didn’t wait for his response. He turned back and headed outside. He was greeted by Logan who pushed a steaming mug into his hands with a smile. Past them, Janus could hear and just make out the twins having a snowball fight that Patton seemed to be refereeing.

They seemed to be having a pretty good time.

Without him.

Janus left.

Before he could really think about it, he was back in his room, shrugging off the jackets, then the snow pants and more layers until he was left with a long-sleeved shirt and leggings. In a daze, he crawled into bed, under his many, many blankets.

Virgil was right. He didn’t belong there. He had been awful to Roman during the wedding affair. To Logan, too, if he was honest. Patton may have found common ground with him but maybe that was build up on false pretenses. He didn’t really know him after all.

Would Remus even be his friend if they hadn’t been stuck with each other for all those years?

Maybe he would leave him too now.

He wouldn’t begrudge him for it.

Remus deserved so much more than him.

He was just a manipulator.

A liar.

A snake.

Unlovable.

Unlovable.

Unlovable.

Unlovable.

Unlov—

“Janny!”

The blankets are pulled away from him and Janus gasped, wide eyes finding Remus, who stood above him with a worried expression.

“Hey there, snakey. Those didn’t sound like nice thoughts to have.”

“Remus?” Janus’ voice was weak and he only now noticed he was crying.

“Yeah, it’s me. You didn’t come outside, so I got worried. C’mon, sit up.” Gently, Remus pulled Janus up so he could sit leaned against him. Then he pulled a blanket around his shoulders. And not just any blanket but the one that Remus gifted him this morning. The weight settled nicely around him and Janus sighed, relieved.

“Here,” Remus pushed the controls for the blanket into his hand. “Put in what you need.”

“It’s already good, thank you.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Okay. Just let me ask one question.”

“Alright.”

“Was it Virgin?”

Janus couldn’t help the flinch. Remus growled lowly but didn’t move.

“He couldn’t leave you alone for just one day, could he.”

“Please Remus, I don’t wanna think about it more now.” Janus knew if he started now, it would be opening a can of worms and as much as Remus would enjoy that if he meant it literally, he didn’t and didn’t have enough energy to do so metaphorically.

“Fine. Cuddles for my snake now, a mace to the face for the emo tomorrow.”

Janus didn’t argue in the moment but they both knew that he wouldn’t let him get that far in the morning. For now, they just sat in silence, Remus holding him in a loose grip. After the tears stopped, he made him drink some water and afterwards offered to put on a movie, but Janus just wanted to sleep.

Remus helped him settle down, sitting next to him and quietly complained about his brother to provide background noise so Janus didn’t get lost in his thoughts again.

Then there was a knock on the door.

Janus really didn’t like how much he flinched today.

“I’ll get it,” Remus mumbled and got up. Janus felt like a coward but didn’t move. He couldn’t deal with any of the others right now.

“Oh, Remus. I didn’t know you were here.”

That was Patton. Why was he here?

“Yeah, well, Janny’s my friend. What’s your excuse?”

“I noticed Janus never joined us outside, so I wanted to check on him. I know him being cold-blooded made the weather less than ideal for him, but I thought he’d come out at least for a little while. And after Virgil said all those things… Well, I got a bit worried.”

Oh, wow.

Patton actually cared.

Janus knew that, of course, but he hadn’t realized to what extent.

Remus glanced over to him; thankfully he was hidden from Patton’s view.

He didn’t want to be seen like this by anyone but Remus.

“Yeah, that was a shitshow. But that’s a discussion for another day, Janny’s asleep and I don’t wanna wake him.”

“Oh! Sorry to have bothered then, I’ll come by tomorrow. And I’ll have a talk with Virgil, promise. I can’t force him to get along with you, but he shouldn’t have said all of those things.”

“Sure. Bye now, daddy.” Remus closed the door in Patton’s face before he could respond and returned to the bed. “You heard all that? He’s gonna be back tomorrow.”

“Yesss. Thank you, Remus.”

“No problem. I’ll let you sleep now.”

Janus didn’t register himself moving until he was already holding onto Remus’ sleeve tightly.

“Don’t go. Please.”

He hated how small his voice was but the idea of having to be alone was even worse.

Remus blinked a few times, surprised, but then he grinned and quickly climbed onto the bed next to Janus.

“Fuck yeah, sleepover!” With a giggle and wiggle he pressed himself tightly against Janus’ back and hugged him. “Gonna cuddle you so hard we’ll melt together over night!”

Janus made a face.

“I’ll make you bathe at least every other day.”

The hold loosened a bit.

“Fine. No melting.”

“Thank you.”

“Sure thing! Melting or not, I’ll always be here for you, Janny.”

Janus couldn’t help the smile that stole itself onto his face.

“Same here, dukey.”

Remus giggled at the nickname but didn’t say more. Quickly after Janus could tell he had fallen asleep as his breathing evened out.

He yawned, getting sleepy himself.

Maybe one day the two of them will find their place along the others, to help Thomas be whatever he wanted to be. But for now they had each other and nobody could take that away from them.

#namiswriting #sanderssidesgiftxchange23 #platonic dukeceit #platonic moceit #ts janus #janus sanders #ts remus #remus sanders #ts patton #patton sanders #ts logan #logan sanders #ts roman #roman sanders #ts virgil #virgil sanders #christmas fic #virgil is a bit mean in this one #janus has a self-hate spiral #cursing #hurt/comfort #hopeful ending #sanders sides #fanfiction #reblogs are appreciated

[beauty-and-passion]

Something I'm curious and unsure about is what happened to Logan in POF. Like I know that when Patton presses the [Skip All] button we see Janus' hook take Logan off screen, in which Janus takes his place. Then we see Logan at the end, unharmed (as he stated) and seemed to return very easily.

But it feels so off. He just starts so passive-aggressive

[Logan]: Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed, and I don't want to talk about it. I'm just here to deliver one last fact, then I will do you all a favor and spare you my company.

It's so aggressive, for something untrue. Or at least, the not caring part. Second Roman learnt it was actually Deceit he instantly asked what happened to Logan, and after Logan remarks this, Patton instantly tries to talk.

Of course, it also makes sense he think sparing himself will be a favour, with Roman selecting ignorant and Patton selecting skip.

But it is really passive-aggressive. And the fact he just doesn't want to talk about it. And what was more weird was Janus' response to seeing Logan.

[Deceit]: Oh s(hit), b(itch).

While very funny, also confusing. Did Janus think Logan was going to get mad at him for removing him, derailing the conversation? Not sure. Though the little hand wave it funny. Janus seems unhappy about Logan presence until he starts talking about Peter Singer. As that works in his favour. But what did he think Logan would say/do that made him unhappy with his presence? He wouldn't state the obvious that he was replaced by Janus. So what?

But the biggest thing that feels off is Janus' response to Roman asking for Logan's whereabouts?

[Deceit]: Nothing at all, and I resent the question.

The way he says it, so fast and deadpan, makes it feel like a lie. Which means he did something, but what? Pretty sure he does resent the question though.

But, I can't imagine what would of happened? Logan is clearly unharmed, just very annoyed, which can easily be explained by his previous treatment by the others, but how Janus' handles it feels so weird too. Or maybe I'm looking too deep.

Very long but, what do you think?

I know it sounds like a joke coming from me, but I think we're overanalyzing this scene XD

Let's recap what happened: Patton pressed the skip button, Janus pulled Logan away and took his place.

Now Janus shows himself. Roman connects the dots and asks him: "What have you done with Logan?", which means: "I know Logan didn't just disappear, but you're involved".

Since Janus was involved because he pulled Logan off with his own crook, he lies like the liar he is and says: "Nothing at all, and I resent the question", which means: "I didn't do anything to send Logan away and I'm offended you think I'm involved". Which, translated from lies to truth, means: "I took Logan off with my crook and I don't want to tell you".

So chaos ensues, Janus talks some sense into Patton and finally Logan comes back.

Let’s see things from Janus' point of view first: he sent Logan away and took his place. How do you think he would react, as soon as he sees the same guy coming back? Would he be happy? Or would he be scared of what he could say? If I were him, I wouldn’t be very happy either and think something like: “Oh shit, now I have to face this guy’s anger”.

That’s what Janus was probably expecting from Logan: to start blaming him, calling him evil, protesting because “you pulled me away and took my place and that’s not legally allowed, that’s identity fraud”. And, probably, to reveal that the “skip all” button was made by Janus, because I doubt Logan would’ve ever added a black and yellow button to let his friends shut him up.

But revealing this would’ve meant Roman siding with Logan and blaming Janus for being evil - thus shifting the entire point of the conversation from a higher, moral discussion about selfishness and selflessness, to a simpler “this guy is evil”. In other words, Janus expected repercussions for his actions and feared he had to waste time justifying himself, instead of continuing with the discussion he cared more.

Now, let’s see things from Logan’s point of view.

He was talking with his friends, offering his point of view, when his supposed best pal skipped him - basically telling him to shut up. Then he was grabbed by a crook and not-so-gently pulled away.

If we consider the relationships Logan has, it’s clear he has a bigger, stronger relationship with Patton and Roman than with Janus. He doesn’t see him as a friend, like the other two.

So put yourself in his shoes: what would hurt you more? The guy you barely know who took you away from the conversation or the friend who told you to shut up because he doesn’t care about what you have to say?

I don't know you, but my friends ignoring me would hurt a lot more. And Logan proved it with his behaviour and this sentence:

[Logan]: Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed, and I don't want to talk about it. I'm just here to deliver one last fact, then I will do you all a favor and spare you my company.

The main point of Logan’s sentence isn’t “Something happened while Janus took me away”, but “You skipped me while I was talking. Therefore, you don't want me around. Therefore, you didn't care when I was pulled away. Therefore, I just came back to say one last thing, before going away like you asked.” That’s the core of Logan’s passive-aggressiveness.

Sure, we know that Logan’s friends care about him, but that's not what Logan felt. Because he was skipped by them. Because they didn't want to listen to him. That hurt him more than Janus taking his place.

And this is why, in the end, Janus was surprised Logan said something that helped him. He thought Logan just wanted to throw his anger at him: but he was much angrier at his friends instead.

#sanders sides #ask #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #I ended up analyzing the scene too lol

[pencilpat]

Sanders Sides: College AU - Part 7

Part 1 | Previous Part

“I meant it when I said I wouldn’t mind being your weirdo forever, y’know,” Remus says quietly. “Whatever that means, I want that.”

Janus squeezes his calf and stares up at her water-stained ceiling. “Well, if that’s the truth, then you’re not going to be weird alone, at least there’s that. Fuck it, I’ll be your weirdo forever too.”

“You may now kiss the bride,” Remus says jokingly. It makes them both laugh, even if it’s not entirely a joke[...]

We see a brief moment in a long friendship. Virgil has a bad day. Patton lies and then realizes they can't for much longer. Janus and Remus have a good day, and maybe a good... forever. Whatever 'forever' means in college.

[CW: manipulation, implied homelessness, panic-induced dissociation, lying to friend/partner, gender dysphoria]

▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸▸

Remus lays upside down on the concrete barrier separating the school’s flower garden and the sidewalk boredly. He’s chewing gum sloppily, biting off tiny chunks from the whole and spitting them onto the concrete so that students will step in it.

“Ugh, nasty,” his friend Janus speaks beside him, her face both grossed out and amused with her lips quirked upward. Remus snorts out a laugh and turns around, laying on his back on the rough stone. Janus is barely focusing on a book. If she were to be honest, which she hardly ever does, she would tell her friend that she hasn’t showered in four days or eaten anything but school food in probably weeks, and it is making her book feel quite insignificant. But some dry shampoo and loose-fitting clothing hide those secrets plenty well.

In the building, the final bell for the day rings and the high school kids begin filtering out of the building to the buses and the student pick-up area. Remus and Janus try to look distracted and unapproachable so that, with any luck, everyone leaves them alone like the freaks they are. However, the only two other students who they do not want to be left alone by exit the doors and begin walking up to them.

Roman is already huffing and puffing before he gets to them. “You guys skipped again, didn’t you!” he accuses.

“No, Roman, we were just faster than you,” Janus soothes falsely, and Remus nods along with a wide grin. Their other friend, Virgil, shifts his bookbag on his shoulder nervously and darts his eyes between everyone, undoubtedly trying to decide if he should allow the two to lie to Roman. A slight raise of Janus’s eyebrow keeps him silent, looking at his shoes.

Roman sighs exaggeratedly. “Okay, fine, fine. Just don’t worry me like that!” He pulls out a brand-new mobile phone, the bedazzled red case making Remus and Virgil exchange a silly glance to secretly tease him. “Anyways, we need to get going if we’re going to beat dinner rush,” he says, starting off towards the parking lot with a wave of his hand. The other three follow behind like sheep to a herding dog, with a few grumbles and eye rolls at being made to move quickly.

Virgil and Janus hop into Janus’s car while the twins both get into Roman’s sleek sports car, much too expensive for a new driver 11th grader to have. Remus makes a face through the window at Janus, who lets out an uncharacteristic snort of a laugh, before clearing her throat and pretending that it didn’t happen as she pulls out of the parking lot. Virgil puts up the hood of his hoodie, the hand-stitched patches across it making him perhaps not as unnoticeable as he would like to be.

“Stupid fancy car,” Virgil mutters as they follow just behind Roman. Janus hums, smiling just slightly.

“Honestly, I don’t think you’d guess our cars were even together. But you know how it is with rich men and their incessant need to gloat their egos about.”

Virgil chuckles, tugging his hood lower to block out the sun as he leans against the window. “I mean, at least we get paid-for dinners as often as we’d like.”

“Oh, how grand and kind of the lovely princes to pay for commoner’s bread and butter!” Janus teases. They both giggle and settle into a comfortable silence. Virgil’s comfort is only interrupted by his usual glances towards the two duffle bags and sleeping bag poorly hidden in the back of her car. Also as usual, he says nothing about it and keeps his thoughts quiet for fear of upsetting her. Upsetting Janus is never a good option. It usually results in either weeks of silence towards him or even being yelled at if it was too egregious an offence.

At their group’s favorite Greek restaurant their cars meet up, parking right next to each other. Remus throws his (much larger) body against Virgil’s back, forcing him to hold up his weight. “Oh, I missed you two soooo much!” he says through a grin. “It may as well have been eighty years!”

Virgil makes a growling sound at him, barely holding him up. “Get off of me, idiot!” he says, though he is also smiling. Remus laughs, a high-pitched cackle of a noise, and picks himself up. Janus and Roman stare on with varying levels of amusement.

“Alright, enough goofing about, I am beyond hungry!” Roman declares, turning and walking towards the door. The other three follow once again, snickering.

They sit at a table in the back corner, a booth, with Janus and Virgil on one side and the twins on the other. The menus are large and everyone fights for space lightheartedly. Janus chuckles and Virgil hums at her. “Oh, it’s just funny that we go here so often even though not a single one of us is Greek even in the slightest, it’s ironic considering both Indian, Asian, and all South American food is, you know, fucking delicious,” she jokes, drawing a smirk and a roll of his eyes from Virgil. Janus looks over the menu. “I’ll order for you,” she whispers to him. “You know you just hate speaking to strangers,” she coaches. Virgil nods, face falling straight with a slight blush of embarrassment, feeling just a tad pathetic. He puts up his hood and sinks down slightly in his seat.

The twins both order gyros, as well as Remus ordering dolmadakis, which Roman makes a grossed-out face about. Janus orders courgette balls and a salad for herself, and keftethes for Virgil to start with. Remus then pipes up and gets himself a coffee, which Roman scolds him for after the waiter leaves; “at 5 p.m. Remus, really?!”  

Virgil is fidgeting with his hoodie strings absentmindedly when Janus’s gloved hand touches his. He jolts and looks at her. “Is something wrong?” she tests, and though her face is straight, Virgil can sense that there’s ulterior meaning to the question even if he doesn’t know what it is.

“Uh- no, I’m good. I’m good.”

She hums. “You just looked anxious-“

“No, yeah, I’m good,” Virgil nods, giving a weak thumbs up. Janus smiles at him a tad too warmly, then turns to join the conversation with the twins.

“I’m telling you Remus, drinking six cups of coffee a day is ridiculous, there’s something wrong wrong with you,” Roman bites at him.

Remus laughs, very loudly for such a small space, causing other diners to glance at their table. “Roman you already knew there was shit wrong with me, don’t pretend,” he says shoving Roman’s arm. Roman shoves back at him, until they’re all but wrestling in the booth.

“The way I see it, speaking objectively, there is shit severely wrong with both of you,” Janus teases casually, leaning on her arm. Hungry and in a lot of physical discomfort in general, she subtly rubs the fabric of her gloves against her cheek, the stim calming her into a small sigh. Virgil glances at her and she nods at him to tell that she’s fine. Happy, even, Virgil, so don’t ask her again.

The food comes and they dig in heartily, all chatting in circles and laughing. The dinner passes fast, and before they know it Roman is paying with their parents’ card and ushering everyone outside. Roman says goodbye a tad dramatically with a bow, and Remus dramatically hugs Janus goodbye, bowing and kissing both her and Virgil’s hands to tease Roman. They all share some final giggles, and part back into the separate cars.

Virgil buckles in as Janus starts the car to drive him home. “So,” he speaks, voice cracking just slightly. “Will your parents be upset about you ruining your dinner or-“

“Virgil,” Janus says sharply, a warning in her voice. Virgil flinches and draws back. Janus sighs. “My parent’s opinions don’t matter, there’s no need to worry about me.” She shoots him a comforting smile in his peripheral, and he nods tautly.

Janus pulls out of the parking lot, sighing, happy to have actually eaten nicely, Virgil’s attempts at prying not spoiling her mood. Virgil sighs as well, subconsciously mimicking her calm mood. When they get to his house, his mothers have left the porch light on for him, and he can see one of them watching T.V. just inside the front window. He hesitates in her car, hand half outstretched to the door handle.

“Janus?”

“Yes, Virgil?”

He glances towards the back of her car one more time, but he doesn’t have enough nerve. “Nothing. Just- Have a good night, okay?”

“Okay,” she says softly, touching his hand with her gloved fingers. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She says it as a statement not a question, even though it’s a Friday, so Virgil nods, and he gets out of her car. He watches her leave from his porch, sucks in a deep, deep breath, and slinks guiltily into his warm, happy home.

 --

“Virgil?”

Someone is calling his name, but it’s not yet loud enough to pull him out of his dazed stare, still adrift in his memories with his eyes blurrily fixed on a phone with a food delivery app open that was placed in his hand. He’s just barely registering the food names, chewing his lip roughly.

“Virge!” Roman says again, at a shout this time.

“Huh- whu?” Virgil shakes his head and blinks hard to refocus his eyes. They settle on Roman’s own, right in front of his face. “Oh, sorry. What are we doing?”

“Getting food? Are you okay?” Roman quirks his head at him, frowning.

Virgil tries to block out the memories he was having, taking in a deep breath. “I’m okay, yeah.” His lips press together tightly when he looks at the screen. “Can we… not do Greek food?”

Roman nods in immediate understanding, taking his phone and going back outside of the bedroom to Patton for the two of them to choose new foods. Patton makes a small noise of confusion when he reappears so quickly, tilting their head at him.

Roman sighs, plopping down onto the couch heavily. “Something’s up with Virgil, 100%.”

“Oh? What do you mean?”

Roman pinches his lips together, side-eyeing his friend. "I don't know," he lies. "Have you noticed anything?"

"No, maybe just some extra anxious thinking," Patton hums.

Roman's lips squeeze thinner together, alarmed that Patton hasn’t noticed the changes in their own partner’s demeanor, and he licks them to steady himself. "Virgil has been worried about you, I've noticed. He says you've been kind of... distant. Gone most of the time and not spending time with him."

Patton's eyes widen, and they bite their lip, not looking at Roman. "What are you um.. saying?"

"Nothing, bud!" Roman suddenly tries to course correct. "I wasn't trying to imply things."

"Okay," Patton says, putting on a tone of upset suspicion. They need to throw him off somehow, it can't become a common thing to question where they are or they'll end up having to admit to the drinking and sneaking out. Which they absolutely cannot do. "Roman, I'm- You wouldn't think I would lie to him or- or cheat on him, do you?" They let their eyes tear up, touching his leg.

Roman blinks at them, mouth hanging open for a moment. "Pat, no, of course not."

"O-okay," Patton sniffles. "I'm just… under a lot of stress. I didn't realize Virgil was upset with me."

"Oh, he's not! He's not upset, Patton," Roman says, frowning as the suspicion turns to concern. Thankfully. "Virgil has been struggling too and I think you- You sort of accidentally made each other nervous is all?" Roman suggests.

Patton nods, faux wiping at their eyes a bit. "As long as he's not upset." And they mean that part genuinely, even if they are making secret friends and behaving so recklessly, making Virgil upset would make them feel horrible.

"Of course he's not, you're okay. Do you need me to tell him you've been struggling? If it's the depression or the OCD I can call your psychiatrist for you, even."

Patton closes their eyes and lays against Roman's shoulder. "No, I can make the appointments. I- I should do that anyway. Roman, you're a very good friend."

Roman feels warmth in his chest and he smiles, proud of himself. "Aw, anything for you, puffball," he jokes, bumping his shoulder into them. "Anyway, we need to choose a different place for food! Virgil was upset when I went in and asked for no Greek." Patton nods and takes the phone. They feel a worm of guilt in their stomach over Virgil being upset.

"How about I go take the phone to him?" Patton suggests. Roman waves for them to do so. They go to their bedroom, and find Virgil on his stomach under his dark purple weighted blanket.

"Need some more weight, shadow?" they call out to him. He looks up to them miserably and nods. Patton lays their chest along his back, half on the bed half off. Virgil sighs pleasantly, which makes Patton giggle. "What sort of food did you want? Roman told me you said no Greek, why so?"

Virgil sighs shakily. "Bad memories. We... we ate it a lot in high school, the friend group." 'The' friend group, as though separating himself from it, Patton notes. "I was on a thought loop about it all, couldn't get myself to calm down and ended up spacing out. I- I don't know, I could feel her gloves on my arm and stuff. Not good."

"Gloves?" Patton says. "I thought the friend group was here, not in Minnesota."

"Oh, she would always wear them no matter the weather. I dunno, probably a thing with the vitiligo, like how Roman wears them. He gave the idea to her back then."

"Janus had- had vitiligo, and wore gloves?" They feel their heartbeat skip, eyebrows furrowing up.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I know I never tell you anything about her. Just too upsetting." Virgil's chest rises and falls heavily under them. Patton doesn't reply, as the nickname of 'J' on such a similar looking woman turns their gut. J initial, vitligo, gloves. J initial, vitiligo, gloves. There's hardly been anyone Patton's met that fits all three at once. "Anyway, uh, food." Virgil moves under them and they sit up to allow him to turn around before distantly laying against his chest instead, handing Roman's phone to him. J, vitiligo, gloves. Did she know, somehow, or is this town just tiny - is this a scheme or pure coincidence?

"Pat, bluebell?" Virgil looks at them with a frown, turning their face to meet his eyes.

"Sorry-" Patton blinks heavily to draw themselves to the present moment. "I'm more tired than I realized, I think. Hungry still, though!" They laugh and thankfully Virgil smiles at them and playfully rolls his eyes. believing them fully as always.

"Yeah? How about Anne's? You feeling up for some chicken and pizza?"

"You know it," they say, a bit more breathless and exhausted than they would like to hear their own voice ever sound again.

--

Not for the first time since he moved in with her, Janus wakes up in Remus’s bed, with him on the floor of the kitchen. She brushes hair out of her face, blinking in discomfort as she realizes she fell asleep without removing her contacts or even her daytime clothes. They watched movies til the late hours again, and Remus never moves her once she’s asleep. She groans with pain as she sits up; the couch bed really is just awful. She glances over his lower half peeking from behind the island, questioning how he’s been doing it for a month and a half now. She immediately takes out both of the contacts, just in case. Janus gets up, wobbling on her sticks of legs. “Remus,” she says, kicking his leg. “Remus get up.”

Remus snorts awake, blinking at her in the light. “H-whuh?” he says, intelligently. Janus smirks despite herself. His hair is twice as messy as usual.

“We’re going to get breakfast or coffee somewhere, get up.”

Remus sits up, cracking his back with his hands. “Ughhhh, why? You’ve never wanted to go anywhere with me. Even in highschool.” He says it as a fact rather than something he’s insulted by, but Janus bites the inside of her cheek with guilt anyhow.

“Well, I guess you must be special. Enough to be worth my social time and effort.” She examines her nails as though disinterested in him, but he is too busy beaming with a smile as he wakes further to notice.

“Sweet! Fuck yeah! I’m paying,” he says, shimmying to his feet and running around to gather a proper outfit.

“Uh, no, we can both just pay for our own.”

“Janussss!” he whines at her, frowning. “Lemme pay, just one time, please?” He flashes her with very big, watery eyes that she knows are fake, but can’t help listening to anyway. She doesn’t need his money, but… he just doesn’t stop offering. So, she reasons with herself that she’ll have to let him pay eventually, and it may as well be now. She rolls her eyes with a smile.

“Fine. Once.”

Remus cackles with victory and begins undressing, uncaring that she’s here. She feels her cheeks darken with blush despite herself. “Oh, you have way more tattoos than I thought,” she says, trying to keep a breathless tone out of her voice with a more casual topic.

Remus pauses and straightens up to show them off, hands on his hips. There are the typical ones on his arms that she’s seen before, obscene jokes. “Fisting record” in between two solid black lines all the way on his shoulder, the barbed wire above it, and a pair of actual scissors ‘scissoring’. There’s a line of black barbed wire along his collar bone that must’ve hurt like a bitch to get, but that’s just the start. There are two matching barking dogs on each of his hips, and the word ‘wild’ between them on his lower stomach in a cringe inducingly intense font. On his chest and stomach are dotted lines like markings made before a vivisection to guide the scalpel. There’s a large rose on the muscle of one of his pectorals, black with a green thorned stem that traces a circle around his nipple. A butterfly in a particular style on one part of his stomach, most likely a symbol of sorts though one Janus doesn’t recognize. The rest of his stomach is dotted with very amateur looking, upside down stick and poke tattoos. And that’s just the ones on his front side.

“Aren’t they sick as fuck?” Remus smiles, his full teeth showing with the amount of pride he seems to have over them.

Janus clears her throat with a cough. “Yeah, they look very nice.”

“Wanna touch em?”

“Remus, what?” Janus laughs. ”I have tattoos too, they don’t feel any different than skin.”

“You have tattoos and didn’t tell me?!”

“Yes, only two,” she sighs. “They’re kind of known for being expensive, and, well-”

“Show me, show me!” he begs, running over to her and touching her arms. She tries not to let her breathing stutter at him, mostly-naked, feeling just fine to run up and touch her.

“Are you subtly asking me to strip, Carmona?”

“Huh? No, I wouldn’t do that subtly if I was going to!” he says, tone cheeky but honest.

Janus sighs and, thankful to at least still have on a bra right now, pulls up her sweater to show them. “There’s a moth on my hipbone, see, and there’s a snake along my chest. That’s all.” She lowers her shirt to his intense gaze. “Can we refocus on getting food? I’m starving.”

“Right!” Remus says, turning around to hide just how flustered seeing her chest made him. He for once realizes that his nudity might be affecting someone, seeing as her just pulling up her shirt has gotten him so embarrassed. “Where you wanna go?”

“There’s a diner a mile or two away, it’d be a few minutes driving. They’re very stereotypically American but I wouldn’t be one to say no to well-made breakfast food and burgers.”

Remus has pulled on a shirt, a ratty looking band t-shirt specifically, one that she thinks he might’ve had since high school, and cargo pants by the time she finishes the sentence. “I wouldn’t be one either, let’s go!” He grabs her wrist and starts to tug towards the door.

“Remus, wait, I need my glasses, some gloves and probably to change too, I slept in this.”

Remus pauses looking at her. “You look fine though? I don’t see anything wrong with it, you wear that or a similar sweater like every day anyway.”

“Gloves,” she insists, her voice a bit more desperate than she would like it to sound.

Remus pauses, taking both of her bare hands in his. “Jan, look,” he says, gesturing to their hands. She does look, taking in both of their hands splotched by paler patches. “Nothing to be ashamed over, ok?” he promises. “If anyone said anything I’d kick their ass.”

Janus takes a breath in, eyes closing. “I- I can’t, I’m sorry.” She pulls away her hands and walks to her room to grab a pair of her gloves, leaving a slightly dejected looking Remus behind. In her room she stares at her skin, breathing uneven. It’s not that a skin condition should cause, well, anyone shame, it’s that it’s her skin. It’s her. She doesn’t really like any part of her appearance, and that includes the largest visible organ she was saddled with. The vanity mirror catches her face, and she tries to not look at how square her jaw is or thick her eyebrows are or how covered by the uneven coloration she is or how ugly she is without some makeup to feminize her- Catching herself being so needlessly hateful to herself embarrasses her and she shakes her head out, leaving the room and the mirror behind while barely remembering to grab her glasses. Whatever, Remus was always there to make her look better by comparison anyway, she thinks bitterly.

They get into Remus’s truck without many more words exchanged, and Janus leans on the window when they begin to drive after putting the location into Remus’s GPS. Remus looks at her from the corner of his eyes, chewing on his lip and biting skin off of it. She looks so normal, and he doesn’t understand it. She’s so averagely dressed, and so pretty, the only outwardly odd thing to him being her dyed hair, which is cool! She should love how she looks! But he always felt that way about Roman too, and he acts the same over being seen naked or gloveless. Maybe he should get it, being that he has a skin condition too, but he just doesn’t. Uniqueness like theirs is only beautiful to him, and he’s always considered it rather stupid to think otherwise.

“Hey, Janus?” he asks, breaking the quiet.

“Mmh?”

“Why do people think being weird is a bad thing?”

Janus blinks at him, unsure of the right answer to that. “Well, uh… Humans aren’t very nice to each other even among basic bitches, so there’s even more likeliness if there’s specific things to pick on you for – things that stand out, good or bad.”

“Yeah but- but why?!” Remus’s fingers drum on his steering wheel, his face creasing, with worry or anger he’s not certain. “It’s just- It’s stupid to me! Being different is just a fact, like, every single human is different! We’re not clones or mass-produced dolls.”

“People don’t really see it that way, Remus,” she sighs. “Humans tend to group together based on sameness just on an instinctive and community-based level. In group and outsiders.”

“That’s such culty shit though, and not the cool movie kind.”

“It’s just cliques, tribes, groups, packs, herds – community. It’s normal for more species than just people.”

“People are the only ones who are so smart yet act so fucking dumb about it!” he says, seeming more annoyed than angry. “Like animals beating the shit out of each other just happens because they’re entirely instinct and survival based - humans aren’t that! We’ve got so much brain power being used on nothing.”

“People are just like that,” she says.

“People like hurting each other, I know that,” he grumbles. “People have always liked hurting me because I’m so different and weird, and I am different and weird, so they’re right, I guess. I know people just wanna hurt me and laugh at me at this point. People like hurting weirdos even when it’s not right,” he says. Janus feels something painful rising in her chest at how… casually he’s saying this, like they’re factual statements rather than the opinions of assholes. “But I just feel like it makes no sense, to me myself and I.”

He sighs. “Like you, you’re the prettiest most normal looking person ever,” Janus feels her cheeks get hot as he continues, “but because of, what, a skin condition? You’re weird? We both got bullied like crazy even though you’re gorgeous and I’m hot as fuck! They shouldn’t do that to you!”

“They shouldn’t do that to you,” she snaps in agreement, coming out sadder than she intended. “You’re not a weirdo. You’re right, it makes no sense. It- it makes no sense.” She wipes at her face and looks at the floor of his car.

He touches her shoulder, though he’s no longer looking at her. “Glad we agree on that, at least,” he laughs, high and subtly strained, squeezing at her. He pulls the car into the parking lot the GPS tells him to, parking and slapping his own legs, smiling at her. “Let’s go eat, mkay? Anything you want, it’s how I’ll make up for rent since I’ve been here bothering you so long.”

“Remus, you’re not-“

He gets out of the car before she continues, and she huffs and tries to follow him, cursing and struggling to right herself in her crutches from how high his truck is. He seems to notice at the door, and rushes back over to her, reaching to help. She groans, frustrated by herself and her body and her inability to comfort him and fix it for him and be a good person and- and-

“Janus, hey, breathe,” he suddenly mutters at her, his hand brushing her hair out of where it had become stuck to her lip. She looks up at him and he’s frowning in sympathy for her – for her as though he’s not the one clearly hurting so much. She feels herself drawing back to snap at him or reply to the help angrily, but it deflates from her chest before it leaves, her head slumping on his shoulder for a second. He seems unsure of how to respond to that, just going still and letting her rest there.

“You’re smarter than most humans, Remus,” she says quietly by his ear. “Smarter, nicer, and cooler, too.”

Remus chuckles, nervous, patting her back. “Aw, Janus, there’s no need for all that. Let’s just go eat. You said they have food you like, let me buy it for you. You deserve it now especially, complimenting me all sweet.” He helps her get into her crutches more securely, and she silently lets him take her inside.

Both feel better as their meal goes on, talking about nothing at all yet such important things. The food is fatty and filling and salty, which Remus will not stop complimenting, and Janus laughs. She laughs so much around him, more than she has her entire life. She keeps trying to thank him for that, to somehow say it without having to say it – but as she’s driven home with a full stomach, finally fully having let him pay for her and take care of her, even if a small amount, she realizes that it must be said.

“Thank you, Remus,” she says to him.

He hums distractedly, half glancing at her as he drives.

“Thank you. For- for-“ she shuts her eyes, and tries to force words out of her mouth even though her brain wants to shut them down. “Thank you for being here. Making me laugh and trying to make me feel good. Just- You’re so-“ She feels her eyes watering, and looks fully over to him, finding him watching her much more than the road. “You’re a really good person. A really good- good- I- Thank you.”

Remus tries to keep a neutral face and fit with her serious tone, but he can’t help the small bewildered smile that does escape him. It’s the most honest tone he’s ever heard her use, in high school or now. It gives him butterflies and makes him nauseous and makes him happy and sad and every emotion at once. “Janus-“ he lets a tiny laugh out, his chest shaking slightly. “What are you saying right now, you’re acting funny.”

She touches his arm, and he realizes one of her gloves is off. She takes his hand, and they look like they belong there, together. But she can’t say what she wants to, because she doesn’t fully want it to be what she wants. Remus has stopped at a stop sign, and he just stares back at her. Gazes locked and not doing or saying anything but breathing. Janus leans, and pulls him into a hug across the empty middle seat. She hears him exhales beside her ear, and then he hugs back, tightly, gripping his fingers into her sweater.

They just sit there until cars come behind the truck and begin to honk at them, and Remus lets go with a laugh as he rolls down his window and flips the other car off before speeding forward. Janus notices the light hit wetness on his cheeks as she wipes it from her own as well. “Let’s get home,” Remus says, shaking his head and grinning. Home, Janus thinks as she lays back against the window and shuts her eyes. Not just 'Janus's shitty empty apartment' – home.

Remus flops face first on the couch bed when they do get there, Janus pausing at the door to put away her crutches. She doesn’t go to her room, though. She lays down facing the opposite direction on Remus’s bed, their feet and heads on opposite ends. Remus flops his arm over her legs, and when he does, she touches his legs as well.

“I meant it when I said I wouldn’t mind being your weirdo forever, y’know,” Remus says quietly. “Whatever that means, I want that.”

Janus squeezes his calf and stares up at her water-stained ceiling. “Well, if that’s the truth, then you’re not going to be weird alone, at least there’s that. Fuck it, I’ll be your weirdo forever too.”

“You may now kiss the bride,” Remus says jokingly. It makes them both laugh, even if it’s not entirely a joke. Whatever. They have forever to figure it out, after all.

#sanders sides #college au #sanders sides au #sasi au #tss au #tss human au #sanders sides human au #sanders sides fanfic #sasi fanfic #tss fanfic #dukeceit #janus sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders

[tss-whumper]

That sounds awful; I'd love to read it. (But maybe someone could comfort him at the end? Remy? You like Remy and Roman together, right? Right? /lh)

(okay this is ridiculously late considering that i wrote this fic at christmastime and now it's february, but here is the long-awaited sequel to christmas when you're alone!)

(cw -> attempted solitary confinement, panic attacks, mentions of emotional abuse)

word count: 1.9k

The wafting scent of Christmas dinner made Roman's mouth water, but he couldn't bring himself to summon any food. A part of him didn't think he deserved it. After all, he had been stuck here, locked in his room with a magic seal for almost ten hours now.

Usually, Roman wouldn't keep count, but it was one of the only things keeping him from going insane.

With his powers, Roman was typically able to sink in and out of any room in the mindscape, but when Janus made the magic seal at his door, it prevented his ability to do that, rendering him trapped in his bedroom, where he almost thought he could sense the walls starting to close in on him.

The laughing and chattering outside never stopped, and it was driving Roman mad. Why did they sound like they were having so much more fun when he wasn't there? Before he knew it, more tears were sliding down Roman's cheeks as he reflected on the dreadful morning he'd had.

It just wasn't fair. He had tried so hard. Everything he did was in spite of his abilities and personality. Despite being the ego, he did nothing but care for other people. Despite being insecurity, he let the other sides dig at him over, and over, and over. Every single thing he did sitting down at that Christmas tree was unnatural, and that meant that it took so much effort. But nobody seemed to care. In fact, it was almost like they made a game out of trying to break Roman, shattering his attempts at being good and obedient.

It was like they didn't want him to succeed.

The prince curled in on himself in the bed, and he was starting to sob so loudly that he grew hoarse from how much energy it was taking. But the tears kept coming, causing his body to spasm unnaturally. He was trying so hard not to choke on his own tears that he didn't even hear the signature sound of somebody rising into his room.

"Come on, girlfriend. You gotta breathe."

When a gentle hand touched Roman's back, the prince immediately flinched away, expecting an unfriendly touch. But when he smelled a very overpowering coffee-scent and saw that the hand reaching out was sunkissed tan like his instead of pale like the other sides', fear gave way to confusion.

"Sleep?" Roman whispered, "What- what are you doing here? It's only 5pm. It's not time for bed yet."

"Please. Call me Remy. And I wanted to come by and see if I could join in on the festivities," Remy said, "Even bitches like to have fun sometimes, right? I don't know. They let me hang out, but...it didn't seem like they actually wanted me around, you know? And when I saw you were missing, I asked around. Nobody gave me a real answer. So I thought I'd investigate for myself. And here we are."

And now, Remy leaned in, and he took off his sunglasses, propping them up on top of his head. He gazed at Roman with those shockingly sharp gray eyes, eyes that sought truth.

"What the hell did they do to you?"

Roman shuddered as the question was asked. It was strange and unfamiliar, as his tongue flailed to come up with an answer. Frankly, Roman wasn't used to being pitied. He wasn't used to his side of the story being heard out without being ridiculed or dismissed. And because of the events of the morning, Roman couldn't bring himself to tell and risk getting punished again.

"It was my fault," he whispered, "You should go back with them. I'm supposed to be alone. I'm...supposed to think about what I've done."

Roman expected the weight on the side of his bed to lift, and he expected Remy to sink out the moment he was dismissed, with an air of relief. Thank God he didn't have to deal with the whiny little prince anymore.

But no such thing happened. Remy only stared, and he crawled onto Roman's bed fully, his gaze never faltering for a second as his mouth pressed into a tight line. Roman could feel the rage emitting off him in waves, and the feeling made him shudder.

"What you've done?" Remy practically spat, "What did you do?"

Roman judged Remy's tone as an indication that he was angry with him. So words spilled from the prince, in a desperate attempt to correct anything wrong he might have done to vex Remy. He couldn't have somebody else hate him. He just couldn't.

"I was bad on Christmas," Roman whimpered as he held back his tears, "I was bratty, I got the others the wrong gifts, I was insensitive, I- I wasn't grateful enough for my gifts, I cried. I cried and I ruined everything, and- maybe I never should have been there to begin with. Maybe I'm the problem and I need to just- stay here. Out of the way. I never should have left my room to begin with, I-"

"Girl. Girl, calm down. Please."

Remy's gentle tone cut through Roman's hysteria as he hugged the prince tightly, attempting to ground him with his limbs. Trying to use his body to let the panicking side know that he was still on the ground. He wasn't floating away. He was here. And he mattered. His words mattered. Roman couldn't help but lean into the touch, starved of comfort and human decency.

"Please," Roman whispered desperately, "Please don't leave me, I can't be alone again, I can't. I'll do anything, I'll do anything you want, I'll never cry again, I'll never speak again. I'll make you anything you want, I'll be anything you want. Just please- please-"

"Oh, babydoll..." Remy hugged Roman closer, starting to rub circles on his back. Roman could feel the rings on his fingers, but it was comfortable. "Babydoll, please, stop. Stop talking about yourself like that. You don't have to do anything to keep me here, you don't have to pretend to be something you're not. I'm your friend. I want to help you no matter what."

Roman winced.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry- I'm sorry-"

"No. None of that, honeybun. Please?"

Remy gazed at Roman with such earnest eyes, Roman couldn't tear his own tear-filled gaze away. This was so different from what he was used to. Why wasn't Remy yelling? Why wasn't he laughing? Why wasn't he taking Roman away, why wasn't he rolling his eyes? This felt like the stuff of fantasy, something that Roman dreamed up. He stayed silent as he stared at Remy, trying to drink his presence in fully. If it was a hallucination, Roman was sure as hell going to try and enjoy it.

"You're not going to say sorry when you didn't do anything wrong. That's not gonna happen," Remy said carefully, holding Roman's trembling hands and squeezing them, "You're spiraling. You're panicking. That doesn't usually just happen to a person, especially someone like you. You're generally mentally okay, you're usually doing fine. But lately...things have been so off. And I think I know why."

Roman couldn't help but tense up, terrified of what Remy was going to say.

"Why?" he whispered, purely because he felt like he had to.

"Those bitches out there are abusing you."

"What??"

The word burst out of Roman before he even had the opportunity to control it. His mouth hung open and he felt like his entire world had turned upside down with that statement. He tried to rush to defenses, to tell Remy that it wasn't abusive to help Roman become a better person, that he deserved it, that the others would never abuse anybody.

But he couldn't speak.

Roman couldn't say a word because deep down, he was wondering if Remy was right.

None of this felt right. Instead of a person, Roman felt lately like a caged animal at the zoo. Trapped, stuck, mistreated, dirty, forced into humiliation so people could gawk at him and laugh. No matter what he did, it was always wrong. No matter how hard he tried, it was never enough. Was that really how life was supposed to be?

"Honey, do you really think it's fair that you got locked up on Christmas day?" Remy murmured, "Or that instead of a nice present, you got a book about fucking manners? The other sides out there told me everything, or rather, as much as they wanted me to tell. I'll bet there's so much more that's so shameful that they couldn't even say it. They know what they're doing is wrong. They know they're hurting you beyond repair, and they don't want to admit it because they don't want to lose their toy."

Roman flinched, and Remy shook his head quickly.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I didn't mean to say you're a toy. You're not. It's just- they treat you like one. They think they can break you over and over with no consequences. But that's wrong. There's gonna be consequences. I'll make sure of it."

"You can't," Roman said immediately, his eyes growing wide and desperate, "Please. They'll hate me. They will, I know they will. They'll think I pushed you onto them, they'll think I'm using you. I can't get punished again, Remy. Please. You don't get what it's like to be trapped here alone."

"You're right, I don't," Remy said, "But you shouldn't be able to get it either. Nobody deserves to be locked up like this, especially on Christmas. I know you can be a bit...rambunctious, Ro, but you're a good person. You're good, Roman. I know that. And I think you know that too."

"I-..." Roman deflated. "I don't know. No matter how good I try to be, it's just not good enough for them. And what's the point of goodness if it doesn't help the people around you?"

"That's the thing, babydoll, you are helping the people around you," Remy reassured, starting to gently run his fingers through Roman's thick, curly auburn locks. "Virgil hasn't taken off those shoes. They fit him perfectly. None of them had to take on the burden of decorating the house, or arranging the gifts to look pretty, or setting the table with milk and cookies. That was you, honeybun. That was Roman. Nobody else. The Christmas magic doesn't come from anybody else here. It comes from you. No matter what they have to say about it, you created all this. Without you, this holiday wouldn't be in the mindscape at all."

Roman opened his mouth to speak, but he was just overwhelmed. He started to smile, almost deliriously. It felt so good to be seen, to be recognized in such away, to get attention that wasn't bad. And Remy was somebody that Roman had always admired. Confident, cool, sassy, always able to stand up for himself, no matter what. Remy was the type of person that Roman wished he was more like. And here he was, helping him, reassuring him, telling him how much he mattered and showing him what made him special.

Roman couldn't have asked for a better Christmas present than that.

"Thank you," he whispered, "I'm sorry. Merry Christmas. I...should have gotten you a present."

"Hmm, I know a present you can give me," Remy said with a gentle smirk, "Can I have a magic hug from my magic boy?"

Roman laughed breathlessly and threw himself once again into Remy's arms, relishing in the endless warmth that the man gave, marveling at how he always managed to smell like a warm, fresh cup of coffee sweetened with honey.

"You're magic too, Remy," Roman whispered, curling up closer to Remy and hiding his face in his chest, so Remy wouldn't see how his face went red. "You helped me believe in Christmas again."

(i hope this was some nice food for my rosleep shippers! also i'm sorry this is literally a month and a half late. uh...things happened! but i'm sure a bit of christmas magic is great no matter what season, right? thanks for reading!!! and feel free always to put in an ask if there's anything else whump writing wise you wanna see from me!)

#christmas when you're alone #sanders sides #tss #thomas sanders #whump community #whump writing #roman sanders #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fic #tss roman #whumpee roman #caretaker remy #tss whumper writing #panic attacks #emotional abuse #christmas whump #holiday whump

[goodnightmemes]

PENNY DREADFUL S1E01 - S01E04 SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ One smile and I say yes. ❜

❛ Do not be amazed at anything you see and don't hesitate. ❜

❛ You're a man with a bloody knife like everybody else out there, so stop putting on airs. ❜

❛ I will not bore myself with explanations you could not possibly understand. ❜

❛ Nature's rarely so neat. Nature abhors symmetry. ❜

❛ Do you believe there is a demimonde? A half-world between what we know and what we fear? A place in the shadows, rarely seen, but deeply felt. Do you believe that? ❜

❛A wise man would walk away from this house and make a concerted effort to forget everything that occurred last night. ❜

❛ Should you be so unwise as to entertain the idea, we have continued use of a man of your skills. ❜

❛ There's much we don't know and must discover. ❜

❛ I've been a hired gun before. Doesn't suit me. There's no exaltation in killing for gold. ❜

❛ We all have our curses, don't we? ❜

❛ Could I be more charmed? No, I could not. ❜

❛ Sorry, my dear, it's a bit ghoulish to the lay-person. ❜

❛ And before I engage in professional matters, I feel it is vital to engage in social congress. Get to know the sort of people one is working with, you understand? ❜

❛ I've long since learned that truth is mutable. ❜

❛ You have the soul of a poet. ❜

❛ You seem to be a freethinker who might imagine a world less constrained by what we think we know of as "truth." ❜

❛ To save her, I would murder the world. ❜

❛ Join me. With me, you will behold terrible wonders. ❜

❛ Was I not responsible? But for my transgression, would any of this have occurred? ❜

❛ We cannot unmake the past. We shall live with our guilt, you and I. ❜

❛ My mother taught me many things. Among the most useful, is one must always have Shakespeare close to hand. ❜

❛ Aren't you mysterious? ❜

❛ Not much surprises me. ❜

❛ There is always a way to make a living when you've a bit of flesh, isn't there? ❜

❛ He's here. Unbutton the top of your dress. ❜

❛ Man does not live only in the empirical world. We must seek the ephemeral or why live? ❜

❛ You need all the help I can give you. ❜

❛ When the next one occurs, I shall need to see the crime scene immediately. ❜

❛ I've never fucked a dying creature before. Do you feel things more deeply, I wonder? ❜

❛ As you grow up, you'll learn we all do things which cause us shame. ❜

❛ Come along. Let's just stroll, see what wickedness we can find. ❜

❛ You do not belong here. Even less than I. ❜

❛ I believe we're about to commune with the spirits. ❜

❛ You knew I was dying… didn't you? ❜

❛ I wonder when was the moment you knew you wanted to fuck her? ❜

❛ You're not mistaking me for a sweet little debutante at the summer fair, are you? ❜

❛ If one is to engage with the primordial forces of darkness, one must expect a bit of… social awkwardness. ❜

❛ After all, who wants to know they're hunted by the devil? ❜

❛ When the poets write of death, it's invariably serene. I wonder if that's what it is really. This death, this ending of things. ❜

❛ There are some things we're not meant to know. ❜

❛ Did you imagine that I was dead? That I could die? You know better. ❜

❛ I would seek you even unto the maelstrom of the blackest tempest of the darkest night. ❜

❛ The first human action that I experienced was rejection. So do not wonder at my loathing of your species. ❜

❛ Were you really so naive to imagine that we'd see eternity in a daffodil? ❜

❛ You ran from me once. Never again. We are the Janus mask. Inseparable. ❜

❛ What in the name of all the tender mercies happened to you? ❜

❛ You know, occurs to me, given my total self-absorption, I never asked your name. ❜

❛ What do you want of me? To suffer? You've done that. ❜

❛ I'm sorry for the cruelty you've endured, that I inflicted upon you, but I cannot unmake the past! ❜

❛ I'm not concerned with the past, only the future. ❜

❛ Who has money for that? Not when there's eating to be done. ❜

❛ I'll not waste your time. I'm looking for money. I'll work for it. ❜

❛ I see things sometimes. I am affected by forces beyond our world. ❜

❛ Don't torment me. ❜

❛ In this life, there are hungers that compel us. Food, shelter, warmth, even poetry. But one thing stands titanic. Love. ❜

❛ I can never love you. ❜

❛ I do not seek your love! I do not seek what is not there. I would weep for you if ever I'd learned how. ❜

❛ This you shall do. Or I will strike down all those you love and render your brightest day… your darkest night. ❜

❛ You seek to threaten me with death? If you seek to threaten me, threaten me with life. ❜

❛ Do not test me. You have not known horror until I have shown it to you. ❜

❛ There's something wrong here. What haven't you told me? ❜

❛ Fear already? You will not survive long in this cruel old world. ❜

❛ We here have been brutalized with loss. It has made us brutal in return. ❜

❛ There is no going back from this moment. If we are to proceed, we proceed as one. Without hesitation… and with fealty to each other alone. ❜

❛ Who doesn't love a lost cause? ❜

❛ No one's ever accused me of being useful before. ❜

❛ Things are so rarely what they seem. ❜

❛ Which of us does not have our secrets? ❜

❛ It's not an easy thing, this you ask of me. ❜

❛ What a simple thing it is to snap your neck. You are so fragile, you mortals, such things of skin and air. ❜

❛ The future belongs to the strong, to the immortal races, to me and my kind. ❜

❛ I wonder what lips yours have kissed and where. ❜

❛ We've all done things to survive. There are such sins at my back it would kill me to turn around. ❜

❛ Get your best duds ready for tonight, we're going out. ❜

❛ Remind me why we're doing this again. ❜

❛ My, my. That temper of yours. ❜

❛ Why must you always denigrate my work? ❜

❛ Say it like that and you can get me to do anything. ❜

❛ Don't you worry about me. Go on to your friends, now, won't you? ❜

❛ It's a sad spectacle, why don't we just admit it? There’s no goddamn future in it for either of us. Who are we trying to fool? ❜

❛ You ever wish you could be someone else? Just run away from your life? ❜

❛ Once you get used to something, why bother? It's just repetition. ❜

❛ Have the courage to face your own sin before you cite mine so easily. ❜

❛ We'll carry on with this fight. We can lose every battle, except the last. ❜

#rp meme #sentence starters #roleplay prompts #roleplay meme #inbox meme #ask meme #rp prompt #*tv #*pennydreadful

[logically-asexual]

I wanted to be seen

summary:

Superheroes AU. Roman, Patton and Virgil are a team of good guys who fight against Evil (Janus and Remus). They get Logan to work for them with like hacking and getting important information from the villains. But Janus tries to convince Logan that he deserves better.

Read on AO3

Part 2

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word count: 2,009

When Logan woke up, golden light was illuminating the room through soft white curtains. He wasn’t used to waking when the sun was already up and he became even more disoriented when he didn’t recognize the small bedroom he was in.

It was simple, with a single bed, a clear desk, and a dresser, presumably empty. He stayed motionless for a minute as he tried to piece together where he was now and why.

He remembered meeting Deceit and being handcuffed by him. He remembered trying to escape, but he didn’t remember being successful. He remembered being carried and then sitting in the backseat of a car.

Finally, it all clicked.

They left him. They never came back for him. He made a bet with Deceit and Logan lost it because they left him. Now he was kidnapped somewhere and had no idea what Deceit would do with him.

A commonly known fact about this villain was that he was good at scheming, and always made sure no one would be around to witness his actions. That meant nobody knew anything about him other than rumors about his appearance, which originated from cryptic pictures some people claimed to have caught. Though it was a very similar situation as with UFO’s. People would photograph anyone wearing a bowler hat and claim it was Deceit. Nobody actually knew the truth.

If that was the case… And Logan had met this man face to face… What would happen to him? Would he be killed for knowing too much? Would he be kept captive forever? Would his memories be erased? No, that was impossible. Logan’s mind was spiraling. He needed to come back to reality.

As he began sitting up, someone barged into his room.

It was a man dressed in an outfit that Logan wouldn’t know how to begin describing. The puffy sleeves, high neck and flares at the hem of the shirt and ends of the sleeves reminded him of medieval nobility. Most of the fabric was black, with some bright green accents, like the sash, and covered in glitter.

The man wore black pants and high boots. His eyes were a bright red and he had purple eyeshadow around them, making him look ill. However, the crazed look in his eyes and the energy with which he entered suggested otherwise.

“Baby Techie! Good morning!” He yelled. “Are you ready for your adventure?”

“What?” He replied tiredly.

“I’m taking you to the office! Boss’s orders. We’d thought you’d be up by now.” He looked downwards at Logan’s body still half under the covers.

Logan realized at that moment that he was in his underwear. He felt his face heat in embarrassment, which the other man must have seen because he explained:

“Oh, we burned your clothes. They were disgusting. There’s new ones in there.” He pointed to the dresser. “Put them on if you want to and I’ll see you outside!”

He slammed the door closed and left Logan back in silence.

They… took his clothes off? While he slept? And then burned them? What was he doing here again?

He stood and went to the dresser. There he found several new sets of clothes. First, there was a horrifying blue and orange jester costume. He carefully put it aside, hoping someone had made a mistake when putting it there. Then, another costume, but this was a gray mouse onesie. Logan wondered if this was some kind of joke, or a nightmare.

After some digging, he found simple black pants and a silver gray button up shirt. He put them on quickly, before walking out of the room.

He met the man in green again on the other side of the door, who pouted upon seeing Logan’s choice of clothing.

”Nooo! Why so boring?” He exclaimed.

Logan paid him no mind, and followed as they began walking along the hallway. It was wide, with identical doors to one side and framed pieces of art on the opposite wall. All the paintings included a variety of snakes, dark forests, or close-up eyes. The interior design seemed otherwise minimalist, with all walls painted a light gray and the floors made of marble. The frames of the paintings called one’s attention for their striking golden color. Logan wondered if they were made of real gold.

“My name is Remus, by the way. But you can call me Duke, or Dookie, or Daddy, or anything you want, I’m open minded,” the man said with a wink.

“Logan,” he replied.

Remus proceeded to talk Logan’s ears off with gruesome descriptions of how much he hated Logan’s team –or ex-team, he guessed– of superheroes and what he would do to them if he was allowed.

How had Logan never heard of this guy before? If he worked with Deceit maybe he was just as good as him at covering his footprints. It was also true that Logan only researched what Prince asked him to, maybe Prince had only heard about Deceit and not this partner of his.

They made it to a white stairway with golden railings, walked down and then turned to walk into a small study.

In contrast to the modern design of what –Logan assumed– was Deceit’s mansion, the study looked like it was pulled out from an old detective movie. The antique wooden furniture and the smell of cigarette smoke and coffee made Logan feel like he was in a completely different place and time. Deceit, dressed in an onyx-colored shirt, a vest, dress pants, the bowler hat and gloves, looked like he had come out of one of those movies himself.

Everything seemed too clean. Maybe they wouldn’t kill him yet. Or at least his death wouldn’t involve pouring blood over the carpet. Deceit doesn’t seem to be the kind of person to enjoy having bloodstains. Remus, on the other hand…

Logan tried to stop his mind from reeling and his body from shaking. He would spend his last minutes with dignity.

Deceit dismissed Remus with a subtle rise of an eyebrow, which Logan found quite impressive. Once they were alone and the door was closed, he extended a hand towards a chair in front of his desk. Logan sat down slowly.

Deceit sat across from him. He rested his chin on the back of his hand, looking Logan in the eye.

“So here’s the thing, Logic–”

Logan tilted his head at the name, but stayed quiet.

The villain laid a few papers on the desk. “—you’re going to fact-check all this information for me with the secrets you know about Prince and in a few hours I’ll send Remus to you with more instructions. He will take you now to your work desk.” He signaled for Logan to step out.

His eyes widened. “Wait. What?” he stuttered.

Deceit didn’t grant him any more words as Logan evaluated what had just been said. They wanted him to… work? Well… That meant he would at least be of some use before he died. Should he really be thankful for that? No, that was nonsense. Deceit was toying with him. He needed to get away of this place as soon as possible.

He stood. “What makes you think I’m just going to work for you?”

Deceit stared at him emotionless. “Whatever do you mean, darling?”

Logan blinked. “I’m not just going to follow your orders! This is kidnapping! And you’re a villain! I— I am going to get out of here.” He turned to leave, but was stopped by Deceit speaking again.

“And where are you planning to go?”

“I—“ His hand hesitated over the door knob. “It doesn’t matter. Away.”

Of course Logan was scared of being alone. He didn’t think any of Prince’s enemies would know what he looked like but in the case that they did he was defenseless. He was also scared of what would happen to him here. At least out there there was some likelihood he would never be found, while here he was right in the hands of one of the superheroes’ greatest rivals.

Deceit’s hand pushed the door, even if Logan hadn’t tried to open it yet. “May I remind you that we had a deal, my mouse?” the man spoke from behind him. “You belong to me now.”

“That—“ Logan stuttered, refusing to turn around, “That doesn’t mean anything.”

Deceit turned downwards in disappointment, “And here I thought I had finally helped you see the truth.” After a pause, he withdrew his hand from the door and used it to hold Logan’s. “Very well, then. You may go, but first I want to show you something.”

Maybe it was because Logan didn’t know what he would do once he was free and wanted to postpone the pressure of that inevitable decision, but he let Deceit lead him across the mansion and up many flights of stairs and different elevators to the top of the building. They reached the final floor and Deceit walked in front of him along the hallway to a door. He opened it, and the sight froze Logan in place.

The room was huge, with a high ceiling painted with the night sky and with a giant telescope pointing out of it. In the center of the room was a spherical screen, showing a full view of the Earth rotating and its changing weather. The space was surrounded by rows of shelves with uncountable books in them on the right and the racks of computation nodes for a supercomputer on the left. The wall adjacent to the door on that side was covered with screens that at the moment showed footage of the city, a database with information about the superheroes, constant news updates, and more. On the other side of the door, the wall had shelves with equipment for chemical experiments, and a long desk in front of it to work on them.

Logan stood at the entrance with his mouth agape, until he felt the smooth fabric of Deceit’s glove under his chin as he gently pushed his jaw back up.

“Wh— What’s all this?”

“Just a little gift,” Deceit answered, looking proudly at the room, “that I prepared for when you decided to join us.”

Logan stuttered, incapable of speech or thought. “For me?” he managed to say.

“Just for you.”

Looking around him, trying to get over the initial shock, Logan tried to get his thoughts in order. “No. No, this is bribery! I am not exchanging my freedom for—“ his eyes shifted and his voice was trembling “— for any of this. Just… return it to wherever you stole it from. I don’t want anything to do with it!”

“Oh come on, don’t act like a saint with strong principles now.” Deceit rolled his eyes to land directly on Logan’s, and began getting closer. “Don’t pretend you didn’t do whatever it took to comply with your little boss’s directions. I know what you were up to under those incognito accounts.”

Logan stumbled backwards until his back collided with the cold metal of a rack.

“Besides, it’s not only for bribery, I got all this because I do need it.” Deceit had stopped moving only a foot away from him and looked around once again. “Especially the computer. I need it for some exciting plans I am working on. And I need you to operate it.”

“Me?”

Deceit’s expression became softer. “Yes, Logan. I need you.”

Logan’s breath shouldn’t have been taken away by that simple sentence, but it was. He was needed. His entire life, all he had ever wanted was to be needed. He had always been replaceable, inconsequential, he entered and left every room without being noticed or cared for. He thought he was important for Prince’s team, but he wasn’t; it was clear to him now.

Something shifted inside him. Someone needed him. Deceit, the most powerful villain in the world, needed him.

He took a deep breath as soon as his tightened chest allowed him to, and as he let the air out, a word escaped with it.

“Okay.”

#the end is so stupid im sorry #i just wanted to post and get rid of this #to make space for new ideas to continue #logan sanders #sanders sides #janus sanders #remus sanders #loceit

[robertdownerjunior]

i was rewatching svsr and i just noticed something-

when thomas said that roman was still his hero, roman turned to look at janus. janus nodded, saying that it was the truth, but roman thought that since janus was a 'liar' that he meant that it's a lie, which you can see afterwards in the next frame where janus deflates.

#roman sanders #janus sanders #roman angst #virgil shut up challenge #i have seen the best of queue and the worst of queue and i choose both #sanders sides

[typically-untypical]

The Saint and the Manipulator

AU: Vampires

CW: Biting

WC: 1,962

Date: 12/14/2023

"Look at him Jannie, he just looks cute enough to eat," Patton cooed, watching the man at the bar mixing drinks for other people. His fingers were long, almost spider like and his shirt was wide enough at the neck to show off his warm flesh.

"Patience," Janus hissed, drawing a line from Patton's neck to his chin. For the past few months he had been talking with the bartender, slowly getting him to open up to the ideas of the occult. It hadn't been hard, Virgil was apparently an avid conspiracy theorist and so when Janus started spouting off about Vampires, the bartender had listened with rapt attention. Everything working out in their favor, Janus was enjoying Virgil's company and Virgil seemed excited by the possibility of something so macabre. It had been a long road preparing the human, but everything was going according to plan. Janus had to move one more piece into play, Patton. His husband was a joy and a sweetheart, full of wonder for the world around him. Unfortunately, as a vampire, Patton had a thirst that couldn't be satiated. Unlike most stories, vampires weren't reckless killing machines, at least not all of them. Much like humans, they had the capacity to be evil or kind and though Janus didn't believe such labels were helpful, he did hope others understood, as a human he could be far crueler than he actually was. Patton, on the other hand, was far kinder than most humans Janus met.

"Oh I hope we get his consent, I would love to have him as part of our family."

Patton was probably a big reason why Janus was the way he was. Being such a kind and open hearted man, even as a vampire he wouldn't drink from someone he didn't have permission from. The first time he had drank from Janus he had begged, pleaded in a dark alley. Janus had only been so gracious to shut him up, but when Patton had finished drinking the smile on his face had been captivating. He had complimented Janus' health and given him advice for his future. It had been such a strange encounter that Janus had gone back again and again until they were linked. Vampires could get blood from any random humans, but it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as blood from someone bound to a vampire. If a human agreed, their soul could be intertwined, giving them the life span to stay by the vampire's side while also promising their health to the vampire. This bond was a neigh unbreakable, which meant one couldn't go into it lightly. Janus had given his life to Patton over a century ago, but Patton's hunger continued to grow. This was his way of helping his husband. He had been laying the groundwork to woo the bartender. He would later take on the role of manipulative villain, but he would do anything for Patton's sake.

"Last call, you two," Virgil said, walking over to their table and leaving the bar unattended. It seemed like most of the regulars had already cleared out leaving only a few stragglers behind.

"I think we're good in terms of alcohol, but might we have a conversation once you're off work? Patton and I are curious about a few things." Not a lie, not the truth.

"Oh, so this is the infamous Patton," Virgil held out his hand. "Jay has told me a lot about you, give him a few drinks and he actually can't shut the fuck up about you. I've been curious." 

Patton giggled, covering his mouth to hide his fangs. "You are a sweet talker. He has mentioned you a lot as well. I think he and I are going to have to have a stern talking to because he undersold how pretty you are."

Virgil blushed, heat and blood rising to his face. "Well, that's good to hear. I have to start cleaning the bar, but I'll tell the others you're walking me to my car, that way they should leave you be even after we close."

"Thanks Kiddo." Virgil raised his eyebrow at that but didn't say anything as he started walking away.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Patton grabbed Janus' leg trying to control his obvious giddiness. "He's handsome, and that voice, and that smell." Patton seemed to melt a bit and Janus wrapped his arms around his husband, pulling him close. 

"Yes, I'm aware he's pretty. I figured he was just your type."

Patton giggled, "Why because I like dramatic emos who hide their true feelings with sarcastic quips?"

Janus pretended to look offended as he put his hand to his chest. Patton only laughed, leaning up to kiss Janus' chin. "I love you," he whispered.

Janus would never admit that he melted a bit too, returning Patton's kiss. "You are too saccharine for your own good." He kissed Patton's neck, desperately trying not to be obvious about their love and affection for one another. He didn't need Virgil's coworkers to think they were sketchy, lecherous, or anything of the sort. They needed to be seen as a good couple, and good tippers.

It was less than an hour before Virgil and the others had the place cleaned up and shut down. He started walking toward them and the two got out of their chairs, putting them up on the tables like they had seen the others do. 

"So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?" Virgil asked, after walking them both out locking the door behind him. "You're not going to proposition me into your harem are you, Jay?" He asked teasingly, causing Janus to roll his eyes. That wasn't what he was planning on doing but he also understood that it almost seemed like that was exactly what he was doing. He was asking Virgil to potentially be a blood donor for Patton for the rest of his life, but all in due time.

"Actually, I wanted to tell you a secret, Pat, darling, would you like to show him your teeth?"

Patton looked to Janus for confirmation before he opened his mouth, allowing his fangs to slide out. Virgil's mouth fell, and he floundered for words. Janus let him process, making sure that he and Patton were at least 5 feet away so Virgil could feel like he could escape. No one could truly escape a vampire, but Patton also wasn't a hunter.

"Alright, so those are either really expensive, or..." He looked at Janus as if hoping to hear that it was all a lie, that Janus was playing a prank. 

"I am fully human, but my husband..." Janus allowed his sentence to taper off, allowing Virgil to fill in the rest. 

"He's a vampire, and you... you knew?"

"That's why I was so knowledgeable about them." Janus pulled Patton into him and as expected, Patton nuzzled his neck gently. "You're not in any danger from him, Patton is very sweet and never drinks from someone unless he has permission. However, it is an experience."

Janus watched as Virgil swallowed, looking over to his car before taking a step forward. "So vampires are real? You aren't just fucking with me? You do seem to like to do that." Virgil countered and Janus nodded.

"An unfortunate trait of mine, but I'm sure Patton would be happy to demonstrate as long as you don't mind watching. It can get a bit... intense." There was a bout of silence, the three of them standing there waiting for Virgil to make a move. Finally he nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, okay. I need to see this to believe it."

"Are you sure kiddo? You don't have to believe if you want. You could pretend it was a bad dream and go on with your life."

At Patton's suggestion, Virgil shook his head furiously, something Janus also expected. Virgil had anxiety and though he managed it well while he was bartending a discovery like this would haunt him for the rest of his life if he didn't verify it was fake. Then again, finding out it was real would most likely shake him to his core. He would come to them more often for comfort and Janus and Patton would both be waiting with open arms; Patton because he was kind, and Janus because he knew it would be a way to get Virgil to trust them. No other reason.

"Alright, if you're sure." Janus felt Patton shift, hands gently wrapping around his face was Patton looked at him. "May I?" He asked in the sweetest voice. He always started this the same way and it felt like a ritual at this point. 

"Always," Janus whispered in response, getting to see Patton's soft shy smile before his head was tilted to the side. Patton didn't just sink his teeth in. He kissed at Janus' neck, sucked a small bruise on the crook to bring the blood to the surface. Then he bit down. It was a brief moment of pain followed by a flood of endorphins. He felt like he was floating, like the whole world disappeared beneath his feet. Janus reached out for Patton, clinging to his arms, fighting the sounds that desperately bubbled from his chest. He was partially aware that Virgil was still here, was still watching them and that was not the thing to think about right now. He moaned out the bartender’s name softly before Patton pulled back, kissing his neck and sealing the wound. He left only a hickey behind. 

Vaguely, he could hear Patton speaking and Virgil was saying something as well. This had been the risk of going this route, letting the two of them talk alone. However, if Patton and Virgil were going to fall in love they needed to actually like each other. He was being swept off his feet, cradled in the strong arms of his husband. 

"Let me walk you to your car. If you're okay with it, we can talk more tomorrow?" Patton was doing great. He had managed to get them an invite back. Virgil wasn't running away. Janus knew he probably needed to stay awake, to do everything he could to manage the situation, but his head felt heavy. Patton's venom was still coursing through his system, desperately pulling him into a relaxed state. Elevated heart rates meant more blood, but it also meant a higher chance of someone dying and though there were enough humans now that culling the population wouldn't have a dramatic effect, that hadn't always been the case. 

Janus had done the research, Janus knew what was needed to keep Patton safe, to keep him healthy. Janus knew why things were happening, but he couldn't access it all his brain was too fuzzy. 

"This hit you hard didn't it?" Patton whispered, "Seems like you enjoyed someone else watching you feed me." He sounded more lucid and Janus felt himself falling closer and closer to sleep. "I do really like Virgil, but I think maybe you like him a bit too." Janus felt a slight kiss on his forehead and the warmth of a blanket being pulled over him. "At least I hope you do. You deserve to have a life's companion as much as I do. I'd love to build a little commune where you could have more friends, more family." Patton pushed his hair away from his face before laying down next to Janus. 

"Rest, it's okay, honey. I can take over from here. You've done such a good job but it's my turn to care for you."

Janus finally relaxed, allowing sleep to take over. This was why he loved his husband. He was too kind for his own good.

@tsspromptmonth

#TSS Rare Gifts Month 2023 #Untypical Creations #Sanders Sides #Sanders Side fic #Fanfic #Patton Sanders #Virgil Sanders #Janus Sanders #moceit #future anamoceit #Fictional Biting

[delimeful]

taking the fall (5)

warnings: mentions of starvation/hunger, fear, food

-

Virgil sat blankly at the edge of the folded up washcloth, watching as the human in front of him wandered back and forth in the kitchen, attending several different simmering pots and cutting boards with ease, as though he had two more sets of arms.

He hadn’t been restrained or put under a cup or anything, probably because his leg was demonstrably bad off enough to prevent any realistic escape attempts. Janus had glanced over several times between cooking anyhow, which Virgil hated immensely.

Each check-in was met with the most loathsome glare Virgil could muster while still looking like a half-drowned raccoon. Even so, he couldn’t help but huddle down further every time the human’s gaze flicked over to him.

Being a wild borrower came with certain tidbits of knowledge. One of them was this: If a human spotted you, you were screwed. Outside, there weren’t any convenient walls to escape to, only the easily-uprooted nooks and crannies amidst the trees and brush.

When hunting a curiosity down, humans were far more willing to destroy nature than their own homes.

All that to say, the primal hindbrain that had kept him alive many a time in the wilderness was now floundering, shrieking, and leaving him on the brink of shutting down entirely.

He didn’t even know why he was out here. The human had said something about food, but that didn’t make any sense. The guy was definitely satisfied with the answer Virgil had given, a pleased curl to his mouth lingering even now, but he’d also had to pry even that much out of Virgil through a combination of bartering and distraction. Janus had to know that Virgil wouldn’t agree to another deal like that, not even if it was for medical aid.

He had given away all he was going to give— in truth, it was all the real information he had; he didn’t know where the others lived. Roman had come to him, not the other way around— and there was no point in keeping him around any longer.

Virgil checked that the door to the room with the snake terrariums was closed for a fourth time, a shiver working its way through him.

“There we are.”

The words were accompanied with a subtle clink of ceramic, and when Virgil whipped his head back around with a start, it was to the human setting a plate only a few inches from him.

He huddled down further, mimicking the low hiss of an agitated tarantula and only getting another one of those amused looks in response.

“The hunger strike ends now,” Janus told him with a mocking sort of firmness, and then paused to glance between him and the dish for a moment. “Hm.”

Virgil glanced in the same direction and actually noted what was on the plate this time.

It was some kind of pasta, he was pretty sure. The shapes were pretty distinct, though he’d only ever seen them in their hard, shell-like form. Some inside borrowers used the larger kinds as temporary bowls or containers, or as building materials for areas that weren’t liable to become damp.

They got soggy when exposed to liquid, a flaw which meant that Virgil had never traded for any. Nut shells were far more abundant and effective.

Apparently, though, the sogginess was by design, because the folded shapes in front of him didn’t seem rigid at all. They were saturated with a thick sauce, and the plate was dotted with colorful bits of what he thought were probably vegetables.

They also smelled really good. If this was a new method of psychological torment on Janus’s end, bringing him just close enough to food for him to remember how hungry he was, well… it was going to suck.

“I suppose that won’t work, will it,” Janus mused.

He lifted the dish back up an inch, and even though Virgil had been expecting it, tried to prepare for it, he couldn’t help the way his body twitched forwards just slightly.

Stupid. What did he even think he was going to do? Play tug of war with a human?

He bit down on his tongue to stem any potential noises of protest that wanted to escape, furious with himself, but Janus’s keen gaze had already caught on him.

“Hm.” He set the dish back down the few inches he’d lifted it, expression edged with thoughtfulness, and Virgil braced himself for another deal, a game, something that the human thought he could use to wrest more details from him.

Instead, Janus turned on his heel and returned to his former position to rifle through the cabinets, leaving Virgil unattended and the food directly within his reach.

Oh, that was a trap if he’d ever seen one. The moment he reached out for a morsel, the human would whip around and execute some sort of gleeful retribution.

Virgil stared at the plate miserably, wishing it was further away so he could at least use the pain of moving as a mental deterrent. At this distance, he could just reach out and… No, no, he wasn’t falling for it.

He glanced at Janus, who had shifted from the upper cabinets and now appeared to be sticking his head and both arms in one of the lower ones, accompanied by the sound of objects shifting around obnoxiously.

The pasta was obviously out of the question; it would take him too much time to figure out how to eat it, let alone actually finish a piece.

But the vegetable bits…

Almost without his conscious input, his hand swiped out and snatched one of the smaller green pieces, his eyes switching to lock on Janus the moment he had it in hand.

Still in the clear.

Knowing that could change any moment, he wasted no time in shoving the vegetable in his mouth as quickly as possible, his heart racing.

“Here it is,” Janus said triumphantly, withdrawing from the cabinet with something in his hand.

Too soon! Virgil froze in place, ice slipping down his spine.

The human turned back to Virgil, and paused.

—

Janus had to work to keep his face neutral, his lip twitching.

Even as small as he was, there was no way to miss the way his guest’s cheeks were pouched out, bearing an uncanny resemblance to a squirrel.

The pale-faced stare of guilt he was receiving was significantly less funny. He had told Virgil the food was intended for him in passing, but it seemed the message had been lost somewhere between panic attacks and interrogations.

Well. When he put it like that, perhaps he should’ve seen this coming.

Janus debated trying to convince the little guy that he had no intention of punishing the ‘theft’, recalled just how suspicious Virgil had been of Janus offering basic first aid, and decided it was better to just pretend he hadn’t noticed.

“Many thanks for your patience,” he announced with only the slightest trace of sarcasm, and set his findings down on the table with a flourish.

A soy sauce dish and a few toothpicks weren’t the customary tools for fine dining, but they were the best he had on hand.

Virgil stared between them and Janus with enough apprehension that one would think he’d brought a tray of neurosurgery tools over instead.

Resisting the urge to sigh— if he'd known Virgil was so twitchy upon first meeting him, he might not have been so heavy-handed with the ominous threatening behavior— Janus used his own spoon to scoop up a generous serving of the pasta and poured it into the sauce dish, stabbing a toothpick through the thicker part of a noodle before sliding the dish over to his guest.

“Go slow, or you’ll throw up,” he told Virgil, though frankly he had no idea if that rule held true for tiny people. Perhaps they had developed evolutionary advantages against starving, since they relied on scavenging?

Janus pondered on the matter for a long moment, casting his gaze elsewhere and ignoring the frantic chewing of his captive.

Of course, once Virgil had finished his pilfered appetizer, he proceeded to eye the dish as though it was a coiled-up rattlesnake, rather than an entirely benevolent gesture on Janus's part. It was pasta, it wasn't going to bite him.

Now that he thought about it, Virgil likely wasn't familiar with farfalle pasta. Janus couldn’t imagine these little people had enough scavenged scraps to put together a miniature electrical stove, after all. Particularly not if Virgil wasn’t even from this apartment, as he claimed.

...Unless they were lighting tiny fires in the apartment walls?

Janus shook his head, dragging his attention back on track. It seemed unlikely Virgil would verbalize the source of his confusion, having faded back into that silent reticence the moment they walked into the kitchen. Janus wasn’t willing to guess either, not when it could be misconstrued as another interrogation.

“Eat,” he told him, settling on a simple instruction, “or feel free to waste away on my counter, it’s not like I care.”

Deciding to follow his own advice, he then picked up the plate and moved over to the counter before taking a bite. Thus, he proved it wasn’t poisoned or drugged, and gave Virgil enough space to eat without feeling loomed over.

Janus sighed. It had been considerably easier to play the villain. Now, every action had to be thought over from three different angles before execution, or he’d accidentally drive the little creature's soul right out of his body from stress. It was almost like chess, except he was attempting not to corner his opponent.

It took enough time that he wondered if Virgil wasn’t running his own complex mental calculations, but eventually he saw a tiny hand reach forwards and grasp the toothpick, figuring out how to use it as a makeshift kabob stick with characteristic resourcefulness.

Virgil kept an eye on Janus the entire time, as if expecting the rug to be yanked out from under him at any moment, and Janus was careful to pretend like he wasn’t paying him a lick of attention.

That didn't mean he wasn't still watching, though. If he'd thought the stuffed-cheeks look from before was amusing, the expression Virgil made upon biting into the pasta was hilarious.

Janus allowed his lips to curl up into a more-smug-than-usual expression. His cooking was one of his finest skills, one he didn’t get to show off frequently, and it was clearly blowing the mind of his guest.

Virgil ate quickly enough that Janus hoped his earlier estimation was correct, not wanting to deal with vomit or the potential damage refeeding syndrome could do to that tiny digestive system.

Predictably, he didn’t manage to make a dent in his serving, though if Janus measured it to scale, it was still a rather shocking amount of food to pack away, especially on a shrunken stomach. Another survival adaptation?

“Finished?” he asked when Virgil’s movements slowed, and frowned at the way his tiny spine stiffened with panic.

He had eaten plenty. Why would he be so concerned about the meal ending—?

Ah.

“I’ll leave the remainder of it with you for the evening,” he said casually. “I wouldn’t want to wake in the middle of the night to find that you wasted away without my delightful cooking.”

There it was, a distinct relaxing of shoulders.

Lips thinning, Janus abruptly decided he didn’t particularly want to reflect on his captive’s food insecurity issues and how the past three days may have just worsened them.

Instead, he reached down and curled his hand around Virgil, keeping his grip significantly gentler than he’d bothered with before. Only because he didn’t want to risk jostling the little creature into nausea, of course.

Virgil curled up into a tense little ball regardless, the sight making something in the pit of Janus’s stomach squeeze oddly, but didn’t bother protesting. Thankfully, he no longer had anything sharp to try and stab Janus with.

Picking the dish up with his other hand, Janus returned to the old terrarium, settling the dish down first and then the tiny form down next to it.

After a moment’s hesitation, he dragged the bundle of plastic greenery closer so that it shielded his guest from view unless one was standing right next to the tank. And then draped his handkerchief on the tank bottom within reach, for good measure.

Virgil was watching him with a strange expression, and Janus cleared his throat shortly before withdrawing and turning away without another word.

If he was going to be cooking more frequently, he should go check the fridge to see how stocked it was. And perhaps see what non-perishables he could leave in the enclosure long-term. If he got creative, a makeshift bed for better rest could probably be arranged as well.

All in the self-interest of keeping his unwilling informant alive, of course.

#sanders sides fic #ts janus #ts virgil #ttf #taking the fall #writing #my writing #g/t #borrowers

[edupunkn00b]

The Uses of Adversity, Ch. 19: The Discovery

Prev - The Discovery - Next - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

Janus and Logan in court. Everything comes to light. Everything. A light against the darkened sky Your truth must outshine all the lies, it seems But from the outside looking in I say I'll move mountains! - I’ll Move Mountains by Roo Panes

WC: 4266 - Rating: T - CW: infidelity discussed, homophobia (oh, hello, Karen) -

“I just got back from court,” Logan said, poking his head into Janus’ office. Janus was surrounded by stacks of redwells, bursting with case files and xeroxed sheets of paper. “Beatrice said you needed to see me.”

“Yes,” Janus nodded and waved him in toward the couch. His mouth was set in a tight, thin line. “Shut the door and have a seat,” he said, closing one of the files. “Please.”

Logan sat down, hands folded over the files in his lap. He watched silently as Janus popped a handful of peppermint Altoids in his mouth and crunched. Not a good day for him. Finally, he spoke.

“They sent the discovery.” Janus was quiet for a moment, then got up to make tea.

Janus didn’t need to say who ‘they’ was. “I see it’s good news, then,” Logan remarked dryly, stiffening in his seat and adjusting his glasses.

Janus huffed out a little laugh. “Yeah.” He opened the box of matcha and scooped out two generous teaspoonfuls before glaring at the collection of files on his desk. “Even setting aside how they ran out the clock and only sent all that the day before our first hearing… No, it’s really not good.” The kettle clicked and Janus poured the hot water over the matcha, stirring rapidly with the little bamboo whisk. He set the first cup in front of Logan, then prepared the next. “Does the name Jessica Michaels ring a bell for you? This would’ve been… early 2000s. She was a—”

“She was a marriage counselor we saw shortly after Virgil was born. After…” Logan gestured vaguely with his left hand. Janus nodded, mouth turned down in a scowl. “We met once a week for… four and a half years.”

Janus set down his tea next to Logan’s, then gathered the thickest redwell of documents and sat next to his friend. “I don’t know if you were aware at the time, but… she wasn’t an actual counselor. She was a…. “ Janus fished through the documents and pulled out a C.V. with her credentials. “A ‘women’s fellowship leader’ at Ms. Croft’s church. Layperson, not a member of the clergy.” Janus folded his hands over the worn cover of the file holder. “There was no patient confidentiality in anything discussed during those sessions. Nor any documents… or journals used.”

Logan paled and his breathing grew shallow. Hands shaking, his tea threatened to spill over the edge and the cup clunked heavily as he set it down. He eyed the redwell on Janus’ lap like it might grow fangs and bite him. “Tha—that’s what you have in there?”

“Copies, yes.” Janus gripped the redwell, tapping it while he thought. “I’ve already filed a motion to have the journals and any notes from those sessions suppressed, with the originals returned to you due to the fact that any reasonable person would’ve believed they’d been collected under the rules of patient confidentiality.” He let out a low sigh. “If that fails, I plan to request copies of the full documents. These are… excerpts. We need the full context and—”

“I know the context,” Logan said quietly. “Those are my dream journals. Recording and sharing them in session was meant to foster an environment of ‘trust and open communication.’” Logan drowned the bitterness in his voice with the tea and stared down into the now-empty cup. “Have you read them?”

“I stopped once I saw what they were.”

Logan looked away. “But you saw enough.”

“I did.”

The two men let the silence sit between them for several minutes. Janus took Logan’s empty cup and prepared him more tea, then resumed his seat next to him. “If the motion to suppress is denied,” Logan’s voice was stronger than Janus would’ve expected given his pallor and the lingering tremor in his hands. “We need to ensure the court redacts any details that could be used to identify him.” Logan shook his head, jaw trembling. “I can’t have Roman dragged into this mess.”

Janus sighed again and opened the redwell. He pulled out a thick blueback petition and passed it to Logan. Several of the pages had been flagged with bright sticky notes. “Even if we’re successful with a petition to redact, I’m afraid that won’t make much of a difference.” He looked significantly at the document. 

“They’ve filed an amended petition alleging infidelity starting in law school.” Logan’s brow furrowed, mouth opening to protest. Janus held up his hand and continued gently. “Roman is named in the case.”

“But—but, no! That’s—that’s not what happened!” Logan jerked away from the document as though touching it would be an admission of guilt. “I never—we never—” 

“Logan, I’m on your side. I believe you. Regardless, though… even if it were true,” Janus gestured around the office. “I’m your lawyer and your friend and I’d still be on your side.”

Logan put down his tea and wrapped his arms over his belly, staring down at his lap. “I just….” He squeezed his eyes shut, and turned his face up to the ceiling. He blew out a sharp breath. “I thought I was done with her… hurting me.” Logan shook his head. “And now she just wants to hurt Roman, too, and—” His voice broke and he looked away. “I never should’ve mentioned his name,” he whispered, almost to himself. “I thought it would be safe. I thought…” He yanked off his glasses and scrubbed at his eyes. “I thought I’d never see him again. Not… not in real life.”

Janus put down the case files and locked the door. He made a show of closing his laptop and then sat on the little sofa sideways and faced him. “I need to ask you something, Logan. Not as your lawyer. Not as your boss. And not as Roman’s brother-in-law.” Logan looked up at him, eyebrows knit together. “I ask this as your friend.”

He took a long sip of his tea, then looked down into the cup, watching the darker green swirl at the bottom. He raised one eyebrow at him. “Are you concerned about Roman learning through a court case that you have feelings for him?”

“What? No. No, I…” Logan shook his head. “No. They’re just dreams. Were. They—they were dreams, nothing—”

Janus met his eyes, a wordless, ‘Who exactly do you think you’re fooling?’ splashed over his face.

If only the couch could swallow him up whole. 

His shoulders sagged. “Janus, I can’t pull him into any of this,” he whispered. “Even if I thought there was any chance he might… reciprocate…” Logan shook his head again and massaged his fingers. The ache hadn’t let up since Janus had started the tea. “Roman could have… he deserves so much more than all this.” He gestured around them, unsure how much he was referring to himself or to the legal fiasco unfolding around them. “He deserves so much more than anything I can offer him.”

Janus set down his cup. “Perhaps you should let Roman be the judge of that.”

Logan dragged both hands through his hair and shook his head. “Is—is it a closed proceeding tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Janus sighed, but nodded and pulled up the short list of attendees. “The lawyers, you, Ms. Croft, a court reporter, and the Adjudicate.”

He nodded and adjusted his tie. “Let’s get through tomorrow,” he whispered. “And then I’ll think about it.”

~

Fifteen minutes before the scheduled start of the hearing, Janus and Logan sat together at the Defendant’s table in the tiny hearing room. The judge’s bench ate up more than half the space, and, notably, one of the walls was papered over in a faux wood finish, pale and hardly matching the genuine wood paneling on the other side. The hastily assembled dividing wall split the ornate crown molding, leaving the left side of the room plain and dreary.

Still, the chairs were reasonably comfortable and the court staff had managed to fit a decently sized table for each party in a given case. While they waited for the rest of the court to appear, they arranged files on the desk, preparing the various exhibits in the order in which they would need them, their numbers clearly marked for easy retrieval.

The sharp clack of high heels against the linoleum in the hall drew Logan’s attention and his head shot up. It was merely someone passing.

“Eyes on me, remember?” Janus murmured. “Eyes on the judge when the judge is speaking,” he nodded slowly, holding Logan’s gaze. “Otherwise, eyes on me.”

The familiar advice, the advice he himself had given countless clients in DV proceedings, took root in his mind and nodded back. “Thank you,” he whispered, jerking again at a loud footsteps outside but he kept his eyes on Janus’

“It’s not easy, but you’ve got this,” he whispered as the court reporter shuffled in, her heavy transcription machine slung over one shoulder, her lunch bag on the other. Janus stood and bowed his head.

“We haven’t really begun yet, April,” he smiled. “May I give you a hand?”

“The answer’s still no, Pater,” she rolled her eyes behind their thick reading glasses but graced him with a smile. She nodded, still smiling, at Logan in his seat. “I have to admit,” she said, hands automatically assembling her machine without looking. “I saw the name on the docket and wondered.”

April looked around the tiny hearing room and lowered her voice. “Good luck, Mr. Sanders.”

“Thank you, April,” he nodded. For all his worry that the judge hearing his case might find it difficult to separate this from his professional work the next time he tried a case before them, he hadn’t considered the likelihood he might come across others who knew him, as well. If it was to be anyone, though, he was relieved April was the court reporter for this case.

Without looking up from his notes, Janus murmured quietly near his ear. “The Clerk of the Court requested April for this case.” He flashed Logan a tiny smile. “I believe you have more friends than you realize.”

A few minutes later, Kelly's attorney appeared. He waited near the door for several more minutes, finally taking his seat at two to eleven. The thin red second hand on the clock had already passed its nadir when Kelly stomped into the room and dropped into the empty seat next to her attorney. He turned to her, “You made it just in—”

“All rise,” April recited when the little light near the judge’s chambers lit up. Closed hearings were run with the barest of staff and Logan felt a rare brush of relief. He wasn’t certain there were many bailiffs he would want in the room for this.

“Take your seats,” Judge Dain said before she’d even reached the bench. “This is a pretrial hearing in the matter of Croft v. Sanders, to decide the Defendant’s motion to suppress.”

“Yes, Your Honor,” Janus rose and smoothing down his charcoal grey three-piece suit, the quiet clacking of the court reporter’s machine dropping down to a low, ignorable drone. “As you might imagine, dependent on the outcome of this motion, we may have additional motions to present.”

“Expected and understood,” she nodded. There was little point in presenting a motion to redact evidence already suppressed from the case. She looked down at the case file and flipped through the motion before nodding. “Regarding the defendant's motion to suppress Exhibits 13 through 53 inclusive, with all sub-sections therein—” Kelly huffed from her seat, maybe a cough. Maybe a laugh. 

The Judge paused, one eyebrow raised until Kelly’s attorney nudged her and she murmured, “Excuse me, Your Honor. A cold.”

She returned her gaze to the documents in front of her. “The defendant has claimed that under RCW 42.56, these documents were collected, retained, and shared in violation of privileged communications.” The judge lowered her glasses at Janus and nodded.

“Yes, Your Honor,” Janus stood again and bowed his head. “Thank you. Given a reasonable assumption of medical confidentiality—”

“Objection.” Kelly’s lawyer, someone different from who had filed their divorce petition. He looked vaguely familiar and Logan wasn’t certain, but he believed he, too, attended Kelly’s old church. “Mrs. Michaels was known by the defendant to be a lay leader at my client’s church and there should have been no such assumption of confidentiality.”

“Your Honor, it is more than reasonable to accept the word of one’s wife that she has made arrangements for marriage counseling with a certified—and confidential—counselor.”

“Are you asking the Court to believe a lawyer didn’t think to ask for clarity?”

“I am asking the Court to believe that even lawyers trust their spouses.”

“Your Honor,” Kelly’s attorney interjected and she turned and smirked at him past their respective representation. “Those documents are the heart of my client’s grievance with Mr. Sanders, both for the charges of infidelity—”

“Alleged and unproven,” Janus interrupted.

“Alleged infidelity and our assertion that he is unfit as a parent and role model for a young boy.” Kelly smiled one more time at Logan, then turned to face the judge, eyes wide. “Additionally,” her laugher cleared his throat and looked significantly at the judge. “Refusal to admit these documents into evidence could be perceived as prejudicial against the practices of Ms. Croft’s house of worship.”

The judge pursed her lips, then nodded. “Motion to suppress denied.”

Janus cut off Kelly’s quiet laugher, “Your Honor, motion to strike from the record any and all names, identifying information, descriptions, or any details whatsoever that could be used to trace back to Person A, so named in the plaintiff’s revised petition.” He stood tall, holding a fresh blue-backed document. When the judge signaled him closer, he passed one to Kelly’s attorney and presented the original to the judge.

“Given the salacious nature of the claims and his relative fame, even a spurious”—he cast one cold glance at Kelly’s attorney—”claim such as this could cause Person A a great deal of financial and psychological harm.”

The judge hummed, narrowing her eyes as she scanned the motion. “You’re also alleging the intent of naming Mr. Prince is to encourage a settlement.”

“It would hardly be the first such case to cross this Court, Your Honor,” Janus nodded. “There is precedent in Dunkely v. Roy, Powers v. Powers, Whitman v.—”

“I am well acquainted with my own docket, Mr. Prince, thank you.” She leaned forward. “Any relation?”

Janus straightened his tie. “Yes, as disclosed in our motion to suppress and in this motion, as well. Person A is my brother-in-law.”

The judge stared at him for a long moment, then signaled to the court reporter. “Motion sustained.” The repeated tapping of the court reporter’s redactions accompanied his return to their table.

Logan couldn’t help a tiny relieved sigh and Janus flashed him a smile as he sat down. At least they had that victory and they could keep Roman’s name out of this.

“What?” Kelly hissed, none-too-quietly. Her attorney’s voice rumbled, too low to understand the words. She jerked away from him, chair scraping the floor. “You’re telling me that this—”

“Ms. Croft, please,” he muttered between clenched teeth.

“Counsel, is there a problem?” the Judge asked.

“Your Honor, if I might request a brief recess so I may confer with my client—”

“That’s bullshit!” Kelly said, louder and rising to her feet. She wobbled on her high heels for a moment and Logan’s chest tightened. He scrawled on a bit of paper and passed it to Janus.

She’s drunk.

Janus watched as her attorney spoke close to her ear, tugging her back into her seat.

Are you sure? he wrote back.

Logan nodded.

“No, we don’t need a recess,” she snapped from her seat. “We just need a legal system that isn’t afraid of looking ‘unwoke.’” 

“Your Honor,” her attorney tried again. “Motion for—”

“And we need a judge who isn’t going to kowtow before some fruity little lawyer my ex dug up to try to defend his pathetic ass.”

“Counsel, approach the bench,” the judge ordered, jaw set.

Janus scribbled a question mark on their note, a concerned, ‘Are you okay with this?’ in his eyes.

Logan nodded and wrote back, “Give her all the rope she wants.”

“Your Honor,” Janus bowed his head as he approached. “It appears my esteemed counterpart’s client does not wish for a recess. Defense is ready to proceed.”

Her attorney smiled thinly at him. “You are a credit to your craft, Mr. Prince. Your Honor, not providing my client an opportunity to compose herself, given her current… impaired state could be grounds for an appeal if—”

“Do you mean the client alleging mine is an unfit father reported for court at eleven in the morning inebriated?” Janus turned to the judge. “Your Honor, even I couldn’t make a case for that appeal.”

“I can hear you from here,” Kelly snapped, rising again to her feet. “I told you, Brett,” she leaned over the table, staring daggers at her lawyer. “If his cheating with that twink—”

“Objection, You Honor,” Janus interrupted. “Assumes facts not in evidence and is an ad hominem attack.”

“Sust—”

“He doesn’t have any real parental rights anyway. Patton’s not even his!”

“Objection, Your Honor—” Kelly’s attorney began.

“You can’t object to your client’s own statements in court,” the judge sighed. “Ms. Croft,” she addressed Kelly directly. Kelly flipped her hair back, smiling triumphantly at Logan. “Would you care to repeat that?”

“Patton’s not his child,” she spat, pointing at Logan.

“Counsel?”

Kelly’s attorney shook his head, glancing at Janus. “A brief recess would be beneficial for all, I believe.”

“Your Honor,” Janus turned and Logan nodded, stretching to pass him the pale blue folder on their table. 

The day before, as they’d strategized for the hearing, Janus had frowned when Logan had told him there was one more important incident he had not yet shared. “It is risky keeping information from your attorney until the last moment.”

“I… I know.” Logan had hung his head, but Janus’ gut told him it was more than shame for keeping secrets from him. “I was… optimistic this wouldn’t come up. But if she’s dredging up all this…” He shook his head, glaring at the redwell of dream journals. “There’s something she doesn’t realize I know.” He swallowed hard, lips curled like he’d tasted something sour. “And I think if we push her, she might reveal it herself.”

Janus moved closer and listened.

“I told you I had a genetic screening after Virgil was born.” He looked up and waited for Janus’ little nod. “I carry the gene that caused his birth defect and…” He looked down at his hands. “Likely Kelly does, too. If we’d had more children, they would each have a twenty-five percent chance of his condition. Virgil’s had been mild, reparable.” Logan shook his head. “But seeing his tiny body cut up and hooked into tubes and monitors—” His voice cracked. “I couldn’t bear to go through that fear again, I couldn’t bear to knowingly put a tiny infant through that… or something worse. But Kelly… she wanted more kids.”

Logan finally met his eyes again. “I had a vasectomy six months after Virgil was born and never told her.”

“But, Patton—” Janus pulled out the notes with the children’s birthdates. Patton’s five and a half years younger than Virgil.

“Around when the marriage counseling… failed,” Logan sighed and set down his cup. “Kelly began working with clients all over the world and she’d…” he shrugged. “She would travel for face time with them. All throughout the year but especially the month and half after Christmas and through January, she’d be gone.” Logan hugged himself, scrunching deeper into the couch. “I… I liked the freedom. The…” he sighed and twisted his fingers in his sleeves. “The peace. It was just me and the boys and… we were happy when she was gone. I think she was, too, because when she’d return, she…” He shook his head again and sucked in a deep breath, a new tremor in his jaw.

Janus refilled his tea and pressed the cup into his hands.

He nodded a small thanks and took a sip before continuing. “The winter before Patton was born, though, she came back a different person.”

“Angrier?” Janus asked, reaching out to cover Logan’s hand.

“Kinder,” he whispered, meeting Janus’s eyes. Tears welled behind his glasses and he shrugged again. “Softer…” His face went pink and he dodged Janus’ gaze. “She was affectionate,” he said with emphasis. “Those first few weeks when she came home, it was…” He pressed his lips together, breathing hard through his nose. After a moment, he cleared his throat, breath still shaky. “It was like when we’d first started dating. Romantic, and… passionate. I thought we’d made a breakthrough, and put the past behind us. I thought she—“

Logan’s voice cracked and this time Janus squeezed his hand, imagining a thousand different ways he could destroy that fucking Karen. 

“I thought she’d started to… love me again,” he finished in a thin whisper.

Janus’ stomach sank as he counted the months in his head, but he remained silent and waited while Logan drank more of his tea.

“Four weeks after she returned, she showed me the pregnancy test.” He tapped his cup, eyes fixed on the swirling green tea. “And everything went back to the way it had been. I… I tried to convince myself it had been real. And that, maybe the procedure had reversed itself. I… I even went to a fertility clinic… Was evaluated.”  He shook his head and drank the rest of his tea. “It hadn’t. It’s not physically possible for me to have impregnated her that time.”

Janus had more questions than he knew what to do with, but Logan’s jaw worked like he had more to say, so he filled the silence with pouring more tea.

“Patton was born ‘early,’” he cocked his head knowingly at Janus. “And he was small relative to his brothers’ size at birth.” Logan shook his head. “But he had no lanugo, there was meconium in the amniotic sac. Fully developed. He wasn’t a preemie.” He massaged his fingers. “Patton was conceived during her trip.”

“That’s a lot for circumstantial evidence,” Janus finally said. “We’ve tried cases like that before and—“

Logan shook his head. “You saw him at the park.” Janus frowned. Surrounded by his tall, dark-haired brothers and father, Patton had stood out. “It’s his hair, his features…” Logan continued. “The only physical trait we share is—“ he tapped his eyeglasses with a wry grin. “But he’s near-sighted and I have an astigmatism, same as Virgil and Remy.”

“If you knew… All this time you knew… Why?” Janus stared at his confounding friend. “Why didn’t you say anything? You had proof of her infidelity. You… you didn’t have to care for another man’s—”

“Patton is my son in every way that matters.” Logan’s voice was fierce. “I fed him in the night and rocked him when he teethed. I picked him up held him when he cried. I taught him to ride a bike and how to read… how to solve an equation. He is my son. Whose sperm fertilized some egg is inconsequential.”

He nodded. “And I’m his father. His speech was delayed, but his first word, his only word for over a year, was ‘Daddy.’ When he was first born, he cried… so much. But he was happy in my arms. When he got older, he signed with me and with his brothers. Kelly… “ He rubbed his right wrist. “Kelly blamed his speech delays on the rudimentary signing and refused, with all of the boys.” Logan finally looked up again. “But he signed with me, his father.”

Janus had nodded and pulled out a fresh, robin egg blue folder. “Then let’s be ready to fight for your sons, no matter what she tries.”

“If I may direct the Court’s attention to Exhibits 1A and B, 2B through 2F,” Janus continued after nodding to Logan from his position before the judge. “Mr. Sanders’ and Ms. Croft’s dated marriage and divorce certificates, as well as the childrens’ birth certificates, signed by both parents and witnessed by attendants at each birth. Additionally, there is the attestment of parentage from the original divorce decree and child support agreement, notarized as signed by each party.”

He paused, and gave the judge a moment to review the documents. He did not smirk when a single drop of sweat ran down the other attorney’s temple. “Ms. Croft is more than welcome to deny the veracity of her earlier sworn statements. I would imagine there to be some sort of consequence for perjury on these documents if she attested to statements she now claims to have been false. I imagine the Office of Child Support Enforcement may require a remuneration of funds fraudulently obtained, as well.”

The judge looked up and met his eyes. She wasn’t smiling, but Janus was sure as fuck she wanted to. “Furthermore, it would appear that Ms. Croft’s new claims of parentage expose her to proven infidelity during the time of the plaintiff’s and defendant’s marriage.”

Janus turned to her attorney. “Given that, does your client have anything beyond my client’s alleged sexual orientation to preclude his ability to parent his children?” He smiled. “Because if that is your only argument, I assure you, Brett, you will have an army of ‘fruity little lawyers’ at your doorstep before you can staple the tops of your bluebacks.”

-

Taglist: @crossiantgay @emoprincey

Happy to add any and all who'd like to be added to this list!

#The Uses of Adversity #ts logan #ts janus #ts roman #mentioned (um‚ a _lot_) #logince #Logan Sanders #Janus Prince neé Pater #Roman Prince #Kelly Croft - OC #other OCs #Janus Sanders #Roman Sanders #for the tags‚ not spoilers #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #the logince happy ending for it could always be worse #dad!logan #Patton and Virgil mentioned #infidelity discussion