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angelanimedesaray · 3 years

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Through the Looking Glass Chapter 11: Winter Snow

AN: Yaaassss This is one of those chapters that has been in my head since I started writing the series. Finallyyyyyyyy we’re here.

Also consider this the point that they’re not kids anymore. They’ll be full blown adults next chapter. Still teenagers here, but they won’t be in the next chapter.

Characters: Levi, Reader, Mentions of Varioud BG Characters

Pairing: (Eventual) Levi x Reader

Warnings: Language, Mentions of Bullying, Depression, Bit of a Breakdown, Angst

Word Count: 12296.....Holy Shnikies, is that a new record for me with Tumblr fics? I think it is... O.o

<----Previous Chapter Masterlist Next Chapter---->

Gif Found HERE

*Levi’s POV*

When she had shown him the little booklet of information about college, he hadn’t at the time realized just how big of a part that was going to play in her life--not so soon, at least.

It was nothing that happened right away, and not something that he noticed as soon as it started to happen. For a while, everything continued as it always had. He would show up in her world and be granted a brief reprieve from his life, with her pulling him deeper and deeper into the wonders her world had to offer, showing and teaching him new things. When she turned fifteen and was able to drive a car--he finally had a name for those damn horseless carriages--she took the time to try and teach him how to drive those death machines as well. It was rocky at first, with her focusing on how this button and this position and this pedal did such and such, starting with simply getting the car going and moving it back and forth, teaching him about basic signs, driving on certain terrains and in certain weather…

It ended up being an entire process, and it took more than a few days where they saw each other to teach him how to safely drive a car--and even then, she only taught him to use an automatic. Apparently there was another kind of car that operated differently, but she said he shouldn't worry about learning to drive the other one unless she ended up getting one of those different cars.

It had been much easier learning the emergency phone number in her world, the number to call if there was ever trouble and they needed help. Three numbers and press the green phone button, it didn't get much easier than that.

Of course, he also kept learning other things. He liked to peruse the books in her house, particularly the ones about the history of her world, or the nature and what it looked like beyond what he saw with her. Sometimes that was what he did while he waited for her to finish her schoolwork. Other times, he practiced what she'd been showing him on the piano. He wasn't as good at it as she was, but he also didn't have a piano to practice on in his world--not unless he drew all the keys in the dirt and pretended he heard the sounds of the keys while he practiced the patterns and positions.

Even though he'd practice by himself while he waited for her to finish the homework beyond his understanding, he preferred when she would help him practice. He liked having her sit so close beside him, hands over or under his to show him the keys…

She also liked to take him places. Especially after she got that car. If they had the time and it wasn't too late in the day, she would drive them to another town to see a new park. Once she'd gone bowling--and they'd both sucked until he finally got the hang of it. She taught him pool after getting grumpy over Levi getting the hang of bowling and pulling ahead of her in three or four games. Pool she'd been fairly good at, as had Levi once he got used to using the pool stick instead of a knife--he had wicked aim and accuracy, which helped him significantly in that game.

She liked to bring him places to try foods from different cultures with her, or to walk through bookstores and help her choose new fantasy or sci-fi or supernatural stories to read. She’d even buy him any books that caught his eye so that he could read them when he visited, though he usually checked with her that they were non-fiction, first, so he could still learn something about the world she came from in the process.

While all this autonomy started to appear, and they were able to do and see more things, she was also...changing.

She was always so eager to get out of the house when she saw him, looking relieved and happy for an excuse. When she thought he wasn't looking, she seemed tired. There were circles under her eyes, a slight slump to her shoulders, and the few times Levi drove the car instead of her, if he glanced over at her he could catch her with her eyes closed, like she was trying to rest a little in the brief silence between them. A few times, she'd fallen asleep on him, though Levi never said anything about it, even when she woke up embarrassed. The most she would get would be a soft 'Tch' before he went back to whatever he'd been doing to entertain himself while she rested. Considering how eagerly she always threw herself into their time together, she had to be exhausted if she was falling asleep during it.

And he didn't mind it at all when she fell asleep on him. For those few minutes, it felt like he got to be the one to take care of her for once, something he didn't get to do nearly as much as he would like to. She took care of him so much and in so many ways, he doubted he'd ever be able to catch up and return the favor to its fullest extent. Plus, he soon found out why she always seemed so exhausted. It turned out she was stressed and spread thin.

It was something he had to piece together slowly from things she said or papers he found. She was always so focused on making the most out of his visits, that she never said a word about how tired she was, or the things that were stressing her out. She wanted him to take his mind off his life, to not worry, so she tried not to mention anything that would make him worry about her.

But he paid attention when she talked to him. She was going to school five days of the week, yes, but she was also working two jobs, as well as some babysitting on the side when the opportunity presented itself. Her mother had apparently remarried, and was expecting another child soon, so she was trying to help more around the house with things her mother couldn't do due to her pregnancy. She was putting in all the work required to stay at the top of her class, namely the very top, which would be called a valedictorian. She was also keeping up with her interests, helping her mother with an out of home bakery business, keeping up with her piano practice, and she did something called skating that she felt gave her some exercise but also relaxed her. She was also in one or two school activities that took her time, and once they reached a certain age, college came back into play, and she started applying to be let in and to be awarded money to go while keeping up with everything else. He didn't know how she managed to find the energy to drag him all over creation and keep him discovering new things.

Every now and then she let slip that she wanted to leave the town she felt trapped in, and the people in it, and he could see the desperation in her eyes to do just that. The stressors he could understand her wanting to leave, but the people...it took a few more hints for him to figure that part out.

Less of a hint. He had to get her at the right moment, when she finally opened up to him about the part that worried her the most.

He'd appeared in one of his favorite ways--quietly, when he'd simply been walking down the street--and had suddenly been the private audience to the soft piano music being played in the darkened living room.

The happiness he felt to be here again, and to be hearing her music as well, was muffled when he noted the overall tone in the room.

The music was sad, melancholy, depressing, and there wasn't any light in the room to illuminate her or the piano, the curtains on the windows pulled closed, the lights kept off. He approached from behind quietly, a small frown on his face as he came up to inquire what was wrong.

Along the way, his foot crunched a paper, the sound unheard by Y/N because she was focused on the piano and what she was playing, not the rest of the room. He picked it up to look at it closer, realizing it was part of a stack of papers that looked like those applications she'd been filling out so many of recently.

It wasn't one of the applications, but rather a note--a letter--attached to the top and addressed to her parents. It was from one of her teachers, and it went on to talk about how the school she wanted to go to had a very low acceptance rate, was very far away and wouldn't have certain financial aid available for her, and how it was a very expensive school. How she 'shouldn't plan on going to the one school alone, because it was unlikely for her to get in, and even less likely for her to pay for it' and needed to apply for more scholarships and to other schools, yet she refused to apply to more than two schools, and refused to apply for some of the scholarships.

Probably not the only thing bothering her that had her playing in the dark, but it was a good hint.

After putting the paper back into the stack, he stepped a little closer, finally making his presence known by commenting on the mood in the air she'd created.

"So doom and gloom--I'm supposed to be the depressing one," Levi quipped in a flat tone and she whipped around in surprise, banging her knee on the piano in the process and turning back around to clutch at her knee and hiss.

The pain, however, was an excuse to try and hide what he'd already seen. Tears, freshly falling down her cheeks, and not from hitting her knees.

Levi’s usual closed off demeanor shifted, and he quickly came over to sit beside her on the bench. She turned her head away from him to hide the tears as she tried to--unsuccessfully--wipe them away without him noticing.

The problem was that as soon as he was sitting beside her, he realized he didn't know what to say--either to get her to talk about it or to comfort her. He simply sat there awkwardly in silence with her facing off to the side and him facing the piano, both of them unable to talk for some reason.

Hesitantly, unsure if it was the right move but knowing at least it would be something, Levi let his fingers find their way to the right place on the piano, and started to play one of the newer and more difficult pieces she’d taught him recently. It was melancholy--most of the ones she taught him had a bittersweet edge to it, or at least a part of the song that felt that way--but it felt fitting for the moment, and he thought perhaps the song would prompt her to do something in return. Maybe she’d play with him. Maybe she’d start to talk. That was up to her.

Levi quietly played out the song, focused on hitting the right chords, making sure his arm brushed against hers every now and then in the process when he reached for keys closer to where she was sitting as a way of having some contact with her. She was silent at first, just listening to him play the song before, about halfway through, she finally reached out with one of her hands to play half the song. Levi felt a little relief to be getting a response from her, and he let his hand slide over hers as she played half the song for him, feeling her fingers moving below his, able to feel the slight shake in them even though she seemed to be playing the notes steadily.

They continued like that for a while, before Levi started to worry that she might try to use the piano as a distraction rather than an opening to start talking. As they neared the end of the song, he finally spoke up, cutting right to the heart of the matter.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, fingers still moving over the keys. She shook her head, keeping her face turned away from him so he couldn’t see her expression.

“It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

“It really is. It’s stupid, and it doesn’t matter in the long run, anyway.”

“If that was true, you wouldn’t have been crying.”

She sighed, hitting one of the notes with more force than necessary and letting her hand drop away from the piano just short of the end of the song. Levi stopped playing as well, sitting quietly on the bench and gazing patiently at her back as he waited for her to start speaking.

“It’s just...everything going on, you know? I mean, I took it all on myself, I really shouldn’t complain, and I wouldn’t, but it gets so much...harder when...Gah...I hate people…”

Her voice shook, and she sniffled rather loudly, rubbing her left eye with her palm. Suddenly, Levi realized that besides the one time he’d helped her find her home when she’d run away...he didn’t think he’d seen her cry so openly around him. He reached out to gently touch her shoulder, and a shudder seemed to go through her at the contact, and she turned on the piano bench so that she could face him, burying her face in his chest as a small, hiccupped sob escaping her as she curled up against him. He was taken aback for a moment, but after feeling his heart ache and feeling how she was clutching at the fabric of his shirt, he gently draped an arm around her shoulders, letting his other hand gently touch her shoulder in a loose hug.

“Are people picking on you again?” Levi asked, digging for information to try and figure out what was wrong so he could figure out how to properly help her. She gave a bitter laugh at his question, a sound that seemed strange coming from her.

“I think I’d prefer getting beaten up like back then to this bullshit,” she said bitterly, and Levi’s eyebrows raised. He was pretty sure that was the first time he’d heard her swear, too. “No, I...I’ve always kinda been an outcast, at school...which I guess I got used to it...somewhat...but it’s gotten really hard this year. I’ve been working my ass of, and...and it just gets that much harder when you’re constantly hearing people call you lazy, and then you come home to hear the exact same thing as if you’re not spending every hour trying so hard...and then every time you accomplish something, everyone’s back there talking about how it's not going to matter anyway.”

She adopted a voice clearly meant to mimic everyone else, a bitter and cutting edge to her tone even with how her voice was muffled in his chest. “Like you’re actually going to get accepted by any colleges or scholarships, you never get anything in on time, you’re always being told to get things in or they’ll be late, always turning it in last minute, you’re so lazy you never get anything done or doing what you’re supposed to be doing, like you’ll have enough scholarships or meet the deadlines for the places you want to go. Oh, you got accepted by that college? Well it’s not like you’ll ever be able to actually pay for it. Oh, well if you do go to this college you want, you’ll just crash and burn anyway--you’re so straight laced I bet you’re that kid that goes crazy with freedom in college and drops out. You’ve never had a boyfriend or had that many friends, you’re totally going to be that crazy cat lady with forty cats and no friends. You can’t afford to go out for an hour, you have to stay home and get all these applications done, plus your homework, and don’t forget stuff for bible study every morning, and your practices, and yearbook, and everything else under the damn sun you’re not allowed to mess up in cause you have to be the perfect child that’s the first to go to college, you have to get the perfect cushy, high paying job, perfect grades, perfect activities, don’t get snippy with me if you’re feeling stressed it’s all your fault because you’re being lazy and not doing the work like you’re supposed to, you keep screwing around. You’re tired? Same thing applies--you don’t know tired, you’re just lazy and you can’t manage your time. If you’re feeling so stretched thin, then you should just drop something. But not this, or that, I don’t care if you don’t think this helps, don’t drop it either. Oh, you’re not actually allowed to drop anything, just make it all work.”

Her grip tightened on him as she spoke, and he wasn’t sure if the trembling in her body was from sobs or rage with how bitter her voice seemed to sound despite the wobble from tears or the occasional hiccup of a sob. He didn’t interrupt with any of his thoughts, he simply let her rant and rave to him, let her vent, because clearly she needed to.

“I know it shouldn’t matter. I shouldn’t care about what they have to say. It's the same people who make sure anything I like is uncool schoolwide as soon as they know I like it, who thought it would be so...fucking funny to make me go to homecoming with the kid who treated me like a disease and wouldn’t even touch my arm the whole time, the same kid who told me to go kill myself in class and people just fucking laughed and the teacher didn’t even blink even though she was sitting right there. I shouldn’t give a damn about what they have to say, but after so long of hearing it, no matter how thick of a skin I think I’ve built up it still...it still gets to me, and I’m just...I’m just so tired…”

She sagged against him, like some of the fight left her after she finished speaking, curling up in his arms like a baby rabbit seeking shelter, like there was a fox right outside the burrow waiting to devour it and it knew it couldn’t run from it. Levi had stiffened at the mention of the kid who’d told her to kill herself, his expression darkening as he got a better perspective of what her life was like at school, something he now realized he’d never heard about the social side of, only ever her schoolwork and the subjects she studied. Never the people.

Now he knew why. He just wished she would have said something sooner. Did she really think that just because she wasn’t getting beat up that it wasn’t still a real problem? If it was getting this bad…

She stayed slumped in his arms for several long moments, Levi gently rubbing her back to try and soothe her as he waited for her to regain her composure, feeling like she still had more to say and not wanting to interrupt her while he quietly absorbed information. Then, abruptly, she sucked in a long breath and pulled away, arm rubbing angrily at her eyes with a fierce frown on her face.

“It’s still nothing, though,” she said as she got to her feet to start an aggravated pace, and Levi was just about to argue that yes, it was, after that long rant that had driven her to cursing and tears, but she was still talking, and she had a determined venom in her voice as she spoke. “It’s nothing, because I’m not going to let it turn into something. I don’t care if its spite driving me right now, but I swear I’m going to prove every last one of them wrong and--and--and break out of the fucking cage everyone keeps trying to put me in. Even my mom. I love her, but she’s just as bad, always demanding I be so fucking perfect and do what she wants instead of what I want. But even she’s trying to pin me down, she keeps pushing for me to go to these colleges nearby, or to stay in the area, or to settle for something else even though what I want to do...yeah, its difficult, it's a high bar, and it’s going to take me really far away, but it’s my life, it’s my choice. And I’m going to prove every last fucking one of them wrong and get the hell out of here and make something of myself.”

She finished with a huff, having worked herself up in her rant, turning to look at him with slightly flushed cheeks, looking expectantly at him for some kind of reply now that she was finished and he’d been silent for so long. It wasn’t like he had the words to say, though--he wasn’t good at words, and she’d just dumped a lot of information on him.

“All those bad words. I think I’m a shitty influence on you.”

She was taken aback for a moment, staring at him for a second before she snorted in surprise, the tension slowly draining from her shoulders and the faintest smile coming across her face. She approached the bench once more, sitting beside him with the blush coloring her cheeks and her hands locked tightly together.

“You’re the only real friend I’ve had, no matter where I’ve gone. You’ve always been here for me. I don’t think I tell you enough that I’m really thankful to have you. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t.”

Her words were softly spoken, and she stayed close to him the entire time, even if her embarrassment didn’t allow her to look him in the eyes. And to hear her say it aloud to him...it settled doubts he might have had that he wouldn’t have voiced otherwise, helped put some of the restlessness inside him at ease.

Levi looked at the piano in front of him, grasping the handles for the key lid and lowering it over the piano keys. “You’ll make it,” he said with affirmed certainty. “You’re tougher than you think. You’ve made it this far, haven’t you? What’s a little further?”

He looked over at her to catch her smiling warmly at him, a twinkle in her eyes, and he felt his heart soften in the face of that expression. Once the key lid was in place, he gently touched her shoulder to give her a playful shove like she tended to do for him.

“You need a break. I’m here. What should we do?”

She heaved a sigh, looking away for a moment and chewing on her lip as she considered what was possibly an endless list of possibilities. “It’s gonna start getting colder soon...so it should be something we won’t be able to do once winter settles in...I think it’ll be clear skies tonight…” She turned to face him, that sparkle in her eyes again and a smile on her face. “I know what we’re going to do. Come on, we’ve got a bit of a drive to make first,” she said excitedly, getting up off the bench and heading to the front door, where she picked up what Levi knew to be her car keys.

Levi got up to follow her, wondering to himself where they were going now, and how far of a drive it would be. What in-town activity would they be carrying out today?

They got into her car, Levi looking up to see the night sky as he opened the passenger side door and got inside, Y/N already starting up the car before he even shut the door and driving the car out of town and into open country. They drove in silence for several minutes, Levi sneaking peaks at Y/N the entire time, mulling over the stress she was under and her confession in the other room.

He would have beat the shit out of a few people by now if he was there, but he never showed up when she was in school, always after. He was never around when she needed him around, which meant that it was something she had to deal with on her own.

It was like he’d said, though. She was stronger than she thought. He’d seen the determination and the fire in her eyes before. She would make it through. And she would reach her goals. Even if she had to get herself through on spite right now.

He still wanted to get his hands on that one individual in particular…but she hadn’t even given him a name.

Y/N suddenly took a turn onto a dirt road that went so far into a wheat field, turning off her lights--which immediately caught Levi’s attention--before she brought the car to a stop and shut all the lights off, reaching into the back to grab a blanket before she opened the door.

“We’re actually not supposed to be here--it’s private property--but we should be fine so long as we’re gone before dawn,” she said with a spark of rebellion in her eyes.

Good. It sounded like she needed to break some rules and get outside some of the restrictions around her for a while.

Getting out of the car, Levi spoke up in a low voice, looking around at the field around him and noting that the hay didn’t reach high enough to cover the car. There was a corn field behind them that would have been high enough to cover the car, but for some reason they’d parked here. “What are we doing out here?”

Y/N got on the hood of her car carefully, scooting back until she could lean back to lie on the windshield with her legs stretched out in front of her. She gestured for him to come up onto the hood instead of responding, waiting until he’d crawled up with a sigh before she threw the blanket over both of them.

As soon as he leaned back, he understood why they were here. Leaning back on the hood of her car, he had a clear, unobstructed view of the night sky. Where the corn would have reached high enough it could have obstructed the view somewhat, the wheat was low enough it didn’t creep into his line of sight for the sky. It was just pure...open sky. And out here, where there were no lights from town, just nature, the stars shone brilliantly in stunning detail, the only light that could have ‘affected’ the view being the moonlight itself. But it was still a dazzling display above him, and all around there was the soft rustle of wind through the wheat fields, crickets, the occasional howl from coyotes in the distance--just nature, fresh air, the sky laid out endlessly in front of them…

Y/N shifted onto her side, curling up next to him with a comfortable sigh. “I know you live underground so...I figured it’s about time we went stargazing. I’m surprised we haven’t yet.”

Levi turned his head enough to look at her, noting that she was looking at him far more than the stars, probably gauging his reaction. For her, this was something she saw quite frequently, so maybe his reaction to it was more interesting to her. Still, knowing she’d chosen this because she knew about where he lived, how it wasn’t an everyday sight for him, how this was a sight that was denied to him…

Much like earlier, he put his arm around her instead of choosing to respond with words, pulling her a little closer to him as a way to show her his gratitude, that this did, in fact, mean something to him, and he appreciated her gesture. She seemed to understand, that blush returning to her cheeks as she buried her face in his chest and pulled the blanket tighter around them as if that could hide her reaction and make it seem like she was just getting warm.

Knowing she drove them out here so they could see the stars, that her idea of an escape was to show him something that he rarely got to have and to sit in silence with him for however long they wanted to…

He cared about her. Deeply. That had never been in question. From the moment she’d built that safe place for him--an image called to mind as he looked up at the stars unobstructed much like he had once looked up at them from the nest she’d created for him through the window of the tiny wooden playhouse--he had a soft spot in his heart for her. And over the years, she just burrowed deeper and deeper, that flickering flame growing stronger, the warmth getting more intense. She made him happy--made him feel like he belonged, even if he flickered in and out of the world. Even though he didn’t get to stay, he was still so grateful to have a chance to be part of her life, to know her, to spend time with her. She was a safe place for him, a place where he didn’t have to keep his guard up, where he could relax and just...be. All these things he felt for her, and one thing that had held him back recently had been a concern that she might not feel the same way.

Now, lying side by side and looking up at the stars, knowing she’d done it for him and that this moment between them was what she considered an escape from her problems, that he might be as much of her escape as she was his...it gave him the sense that maybe, just maybe, she might care for him, too.

He didn’t say anything, though, not yet. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy this as long as it lasted, with her in his arms lying next to him--eventually falling asleep, which he didn’t disrupt considering he now knew how much she needed it--gazing up at the stars in relative silence.

Sometime after she fell asleep, Levi looked down at her, the arm that had been wrapped around her all this time moving just slightly so his hand could reach into her hair, giving it a few soft, gentle strokes.

“Stay with me...I don’t want this to end…” he murmured softly for only him to hear, the stars and moon his only witness as he breathed her in for a moment before lying back down to gaze up at the sky, for once grateful to his insomnia to allow him to stay awake and simply bask in the simplistic beauty of the moment.

*Reader’s POV*

At long last, Levi finally blipped into your world during winter, when there was snow on the ground. You had been waiting years to be able to show him snow for the first time, to get to see his first experience with snow, share it with him…

As soon as you saw him appear in your room, you immediately dropped the pen you were using to write neatly on your scholarship applications and leapt to your feet, grinning widely at him and not even giving him a chance to orient himself in your world before you had your arm hooked around his and you were leading him down the stairs to the front door, where you started throwing winter clothes at him.

"Oh my God you're actually here, your timing is perfect cause right now--well, just put it all on, I don't want to spoil the surprise!" You squealed excitedly, yanking on a hat, gloves, a coat, simply draping the scarf loosely over your neck without wrapping it. You tried to jump in and help Levi get dressed as well so he would move faster, but that only made him grumpy.

"I've got it--I can dress myself, I don't need you to do it for me," he grumbled, shrugging on the flannel coat you'd grabbed for him. It was actually one of your stepfather's many coats, and it utterly dwarfed Levi...considering your stepfather was in the six foot range in height, and Levi…

Well, at least he would be well covered and warm.

Once Levi was well bundled and looking at you with a mixture of impatience and expectancy, you happily flung open the door, about to bound outside before you reminded yourself it was slick outside and you needed to watch your step. You checked yourself, stepping around the icy spots outside your door and hanging back to shut the door so Levi could just focus on the experience.

It was snowing outside. Not only that, but it had been snowing for the past few days, and there was a white blanket over the world at least a foot deep, with icicles hanging from the roof edge and ice patches hidden under the snow making the pathways treacherous.

Levi paused on the porch once he could see what the outside world looked like, with you sliding discreetly behind him to shut the door before too much heat got out of the house, quietly creeping around to his other side to watch him as he walked with slightly widened eyes to the edge of the covered porch, looking at the icicles and reaching out to touch one gingerly, head peeking out from the cover of the porch to look up at the white flurries falling from the sky. His breath fogged in front of him, making him pull back for a second before he looked over at you, watching him excitedly on the porch.

"Snow," he said simply, and you nodded at him exuberantly. You reached out to take his hand, stepping out into the snow and noting how high up to his legs he sank into the snow as he followed behind. You didn't keep a hold of his hand, only grasping it long enough to get him to follow before letting go and allowing him to comfortably walk beside you.

"There's so many things to do and see--its cold, and I honestly hate the cold, but staying warm shouldn't be too much of a problem," you said with a glint in your eyes. You knew the perfect place for sledding, knew somewhere the snow was particularly thick that would serve well for snowmen and snow forts and snowball fights. Maybe it was little kid stuff, but Levi needed the chance to cut loose and be a kid, especially since he never had the snow experience when he was actually a little kid. You might have to spend a bit of money, but you were fine with that, too, your purse slung firmly over your shoulders. You could get a good sled at a nearby store, you could afford some coffee to warm back up and restore some energy after some time outside, and, you had some money for your thoughts on a grand finale for the night.

You'd been scheming this day ever since realizing Levi hadn't seen snow yet, and you were praying he was going to be able to stay for all of it.

"Watch your step--there's ice hidden under the snow on the sidewalks because it's been so cold, so just...be mindful," you warned him, walking with arms out at your side and methodically placed footsteps for a few moments. "I always hate walking in fresh snow--everything looks so clean and pure and pretty that I feel like I'm ruining a beautiful snapshot of nature. Though, we kinda have to walk in it to get where we're going," you said with a guilty note in your voice.

"Couldn't we just take your car?" Levi asked, and you noticed his gaze was now roving over the unblemished patches of snow around you, how it really did seem like a thick and pure blanket fallen over the world.

"Well, this is the more fun, scenic route. Plus it's kinda dangerous to drive in weather like this before they've cleared the roads, especially with the ice underneath.

You could see that his cheeks and his nose were already starting to turn red, and that he'd mimicked how you had your scarf on. Not wanting him to catch a cold--especially because you knew proper medicine was more of a luxury where he lived--you reached over and wrapped the scarf around his face, causing him to pause and give you a blank stare. You coughed, hoping your blush could be passed off as a result of the cold like him.

"Besides, I want to show you this place in the forest. One of my favorite things about when it's cold and snowy like this is what it sometimes does to the plants," you said as if you hadn't just wrapped the scarf around his face, continuing forwards and trudging through the snow in the direction of the nearby park that had the forest trail.

"Why do I feel like you've got this whole thing planned out?"

"Because I do. I've been waiting for you to show up on a snow day for what feels like forever. I can think of six things I want to try and fit into this one day--six!" You shrugged, as if it was still the most casual thing in the world, attempting to adopt his usual indifferent attitude to tease him a bit. "Course, three things we can do at the park alone, so, no big deal," you said with a sniff, flashing him a mischievous smile a heartbeat later.

"And those things are…?"

"Well, we're gonna look at something. Then we're gonna build something. And then we're gonna do something."

Levi snorted. "So informative."

"What? I was more specific: looking, building, doing," you said with a pout before you pointed up at the park just ahead of you. "Besides, we're practically here."

The park itself wasn't the pristine picture the rest of the snowy fields seemed to be--there were remnants of snow sculptures and forts, a few shakily made snowmen, footprints all over the place and snow splattered along the side of equipment. The two of you trudged past that, though, and into the forest that was far less disturbed. No one wanted to be hiking in this weather, except you two crazy teenagers, apparently.

Levi’s fingers brushed against a bush, and looking back you could see that some of the branches and leaves were encapsulated in ice.

"Almost, but I'm looking for something specific," you said cryptically. There was this one tree at a fork in the forest path that you knew would look gorgeous trapped in ice like that, so you were keeping hush hush about it, leading the two of you deeper into the woods like you were the villain in a child's fairytale.

The crunch of snow and the blowing of the wind was the only sound, the icy air cutting at your lungs and making your breathing a little heavier than normal as you trudged uphill, frustrated to hear that Levi didn't seem to be struggling behind you. You didn't understand how, but he appeared to be unbothered by the physical strain, at least for now.

After several minutes of hiking where Levi admired the wintery scenery around the two of you and you navigating, you finally came to your tree.

It was a weeping willow, placed by human hands at the fork in the path for aesthetic scenery purposes. But right now, with the ice covering every branch and leaf in perfect, unclouded clarity like it had been entrapped in glass, branches swaying just slightly in the breeze…

It looked gorgeous.

"My favorite thing about winter isn't all the activities--its how the ice freezes over the trees. I think it's beautiful," you said pensively, your hand cupping beneath some of the willow strands and letting the iced over, draped branches slip through your fingers. "It's like they're frozen in time…"

Levi stood a few feet back, hands in his pockets, breath puffing steadily in front of him as he looked up at the magnificent tree that was 'frozen in time,' his gaze returning to you in time to see you disappearing behind a thick curtain of the iced over branches and leaves. While he couldn't see you, you crouched down and tried to make a snowball as fast as you could, catching a glimpse of him moving to join you under the tree, which caused you to giggle and take a step or two back, your hastily made snowball hidden behind your back.

As soon as he stepped into the shelter of the tree, you practically slapped the snowball into his neck with the close range you were at, acting before you could doubt yourself, shrieking maniacally as your dipped your hand into the snow for another one, heart pounding at what you'd just initiated.

"What the f--"

"SNOWBALL FIGHT!" you shrieked, tossing another one at him that splattered harmlessly against his side. You attempted to flee, trying to scoop up more snow as you darted out from under the willow, whipping around to see Levi already had one in his hand. You flung instinctively, the shot sailing harmlessly over his shoulder and causing you to shriek again as he tossed his at you in retaliation, the snowball hitting squarely in the center of your chest.

"You brat!"

"I got you, admit it! Take tha--shit!"

"Like this is a fight you can win!"

"I missed again? Wait, fuck, no, stop, I'm a terrible shot--ack!"

"You asked for it!"

"I've made a terrible mistake, have mercy--EEK!"

"HAH!"

"I surrender, uncle, uncle, I give, stop!"

The snowball fight had quickly turned into a snowball execution, Levi pelting you with snowballs with that ridiculous speed and wicked aim of his while your shots kept going wide and missing him while you tried in vain to run from him, ending with you laughing and shrieking, hunched over and taking a few more snowballs before Levi finally stopped. You peeked your head up warily...and he crushed one last snowball atop your head, making you do a cold shiver dance as snow slipped down inside your shirt.

"There...I think that's a lesson learned," Levi was saying smugly, watching you do the cold dance with a smirk on his face. He looked flushed though--you doubted from exertion, most likely from the cold.

"How about we do something less competitive--like make a snowman? At least one? And then we can go sledding. We can take a break after that, I know a coffee shot that should still be open."

"As long as you don't make any more sad excuses at that snowball assault," Levi teased you, and you pouted, which only made him chuckle.

He was smiling and laughing, though. And seeing snow for the first time. This day was already a win for you. Now you just needed to try and get to the end of your list of what you wanted to try with him before he went back. Who knew if the snow would still be here when he came back again?

The snowman building and the sledding didn't last as long as you might have thought they would. The snowman you two made by the willow tree was more of a monument to the fact the two of you had been there, complete with you wrapping your scarf around the snowman's 'neck' as a finishing touch, since it wasn't doing much in the way of warming you up draped loosely around your neck like that.

The sledding had been fun at first, trying desperately to guide the inflatable inner tube you'd bought at the nearest store down a steep hill before trudging all the way back up got tiring fast for you. The final straw, though, had come when you made a ramp from the snow, managed to hit it on your way down, and then promptly fell off the inner tube midair, causing you and Levi to go flying in different directions through the air with no soft landings. You were dazed after that, and Levi declared it the end of the sledding part of the day, demanding you move on to the next thing. Besides, it was getting dark, so you were running out of time to do what you wanted to.

Little did he know…

After your annihilation with the sled, you'd guided Levi towards a coffee shop while nursing an ache in your head and shoulders where you'd slammed your body against the ground, still a little dazed. You were both flushed from the cold and tired at this point, so the burst of warm air was extremely refreshing.

Levi looked around the little shop with a critical eye while you stomped snow off at the entrance mat, rubbing your hands together for added warmth. "You haven't had coffee before, have you?"

"Never heard of it."

You gasped dramatically. "You don't have coffee where you're from? Oh the humanity!" He rolled his eyes at your antics, and you walked forward towards the counter. "Well, it's a hot drink, kind of like hot chocolate or tea...but also much different. Its good for waking up or staying warm, and it can be made in all sorts of different ways. In fact, what kind of stuff do you usually drink? Besides water?"

Levi shrugged. "Tea."

"Any kind of tea in particular? Herbal, black, white, green, fruit? Do you add lemon, or sugar, or milk, or anything like that?"

Levi looked away, like something you'd said bothered him, though you couldn't pinpoint what. "Plain. I drink my tea plain. I do prefer black tea, when I can get it."

"Okay, black tea...strong, bold, dark, maybe with a bit of a nutty taste or malty...I know espresso is a different beast, but you might want something with more espresso...maybe a nut flavoring to help balance out the bitter without getting too sweet...You're not big on sweet things, right?"

Levi shook his head. "I don't get many sweet things where I live."

You nodded, chewing your lip. "Okay, so...toffee nut might be too sweet, so...either a hazelnut latte with an extra shot of espresso, or a hazelnut americano."

"What's the difference?"

"One is made with milk, the other with hot water. I mean, maybe if you were more used to coffee I'd say go with the americano, cause there's not many other flavors to block out the overpowering taste of the espresso, but the latte I feel like has more that balances it all out."

"I didn't realize picking a damn drink was such a project."

"Like you don't fuss over your tea with the leaves and water temperature and extra flavorings."

"...Tch."

"But also the americano might be closer to tea--"

"Just get me the damn latte and be done with it," he groaned, cutting you off before you could spiral further in these circles.

"Fine, fine, go find a table for us and I'll get the coffees," you said in a semi defensive voice that had the hint of a laugh at the end with how exasperated he sounded. He wandered off towards the back to a two person table by the window, taking the seat with his back against the wall so he could see the whole room and you as you went to the counter, ordering his hazelnut latte and your own coffee, as well as two fresh rolls. You waited patiently for your order, which didn't take too long because there weren't many people out and about right now in this weather--plus, this was officially dark enough the streetlights were turning on.

Taking the seat across from him, you placed the latte in front of him and reached into the little bag you brought with you, breaking apart the two rolls and holding one out to him. “Here--I figured something to actually eat would be good, too,” you said cheerfully.

For some reason, Levi hesitated for a brief second, fingers hovering over the roll before starting to retract, eyes a little unfocused before he took the roll from you. Strange, why that was a thing, but you brushed it off in favor of drinking from your cup of chosen coffee, cupping both hands around the cup to help you warm up.

“We can warm up in here for a while before heading back outside. It’s only going to get colder as night settles in.”

“This is one of those six things you wanted to do, right? Get coffee?” Levi asked, hands on the cup he had yet to drink from, allowing it to warm up his bare fingers. Actually, looking at the window you could see some spots on the window where condensation had been wiped away on the inside, along the edge of the frost that was creeping along the outside of the window. Had he been tracing the ice while he waited for you?

“It is, yeah.”

“It’s going to be dark, then, by the time we get to the sixth thing. Was that intentional?”

You nodded. “There’ll be far less people there if we go later when it’s dark out. Plus, I think it’ll be prettier.”

“Are you going to tell me what the last thing is?”

“Nope. You’ll have to wait and see.”

Levi scowled, finally taking a sip from the coffee you’d chosen for him. He made a face at the first taste, and for a moment, you were worried he wasn’t going to like it and would set it right back down. He took another sip, though, and he wasn’t neglecting the cup. He didn’t seem to think it was the best thing in the world, but at least he was drinking it.

He was probably going to stick to tea, though, based on that expression.

“Well, what do you think so far?” you asked him after the two of you sat in silence for several minutes, nursing your coffees and letting yourselves warm up while you nibbled on your respective bread rolls.

“About the snow?” When you didn’t correct him, he looked back outside the window. It was still snowing, but much lighter than it had been before--like light flurries, or something out of a Christmas movie. The snowflakes that hit the window evaporated almost instantly, revealing it had turned into the kind of snow that didn’t stick. “It’s nice.”

You gave a pleased smile and took another sip from your cup, glad that so far your little endeavor to make snow and winter a positive experience for him had worked, despite the little hiccups along the way like falling off the sled and coffee apparently not being his thing. At least he’d been willing to give it a try, though.

For the most part, the two of you sat in companionable silence, Levi asking the occasional question about the piano and what you were learning or pieces he was learning, and even giving you a tentative question about how the whole college thing was panning out. It was still stressful, and as you’d said before, your...situation, or rather the people around you, were only making it so much harder for you and really getting under your skin about it all. But Levi’s words from last time were something you were clinging to in order to help you push through these last few months before you would graduate high school and you could finally get out of here.

Just another one of the many reasons you were glad to have him in your life. You wished he could stay with you, that you could keep him here. His life in his world didn’t sound pleasant at all, and you knew he’d already been through some dark things. Maybe if he was here, he could have a better life, things would be easier for him.

And...and maybe he’d choose to spend it with you.

You were blushing at the thought, and you panicked slightly when you remembered you weren’t outside, you were warm inside, and there was no biting cold to blame on the flush in your cheeks. Finishing the cup of coffee with a rather painful swallow, you started gathering up your things, glancing out the window to see the sun had fully set and darkness had taken over the sky.

“We should probably get going. Yeah, night might be the better time to go, but if we wait too long you might blip back, or they might close, so…” you said quickly, getting to your feet and tucking hair into your hat as a way to hide the fact that you were rubbing your cheeks in a weird hope that it would make the flush go away, or maybe give you an excuse. Levi was still giving you an odd look, though, his eyebrows raised, but he got up without commenting on the blush.

Aw jeez, what if he saw, though? He was so damn observant. And what if he already knew? What if he already knew that you’d been sneaking glances of him the past year or so that he’d come to visit you? What if he knew you were starting to look for excuses to reach out and touch him, even for a moment? What if he knew that part of the reason you buried your face in his chest whenever you two hugged or were curled close together--whether it was on the hood of a car or on the couch watching a show--was to hide the furious burn in your cheeks, and to let you simply breathe him in for a few moments? What if he knew that the times that he tended to blip through into your world was when you wanted nothing more than to be around him, when you desperately wanted a friend and needed someone there to be a steady presence to help you get back on your feet, or provide a comfort that didn’t feel invasive or demanding on how you should bounce back or how you should be feeling. What if he knew your heart had started skipping a beat when he looked at you like that with those sharp steel blue eyes, his hair falling in his face…

Ah, snap out of it, stop stop stop! You’re friends! Who knows if he even thinks of you that way, just...uhg, this isn’t about you, this is about him, this is his first snow, just...just focus on that right now, you can puzzle over your feelings after he’s left alone in bed throwing out your frustrated complaints about how you don’t know how to talk to people you like into your pillow like you usually do. Later. After this. Focus, the night’s almost over, and he probably won’t be here much longer today, anyway.

Having given yourself a mental berating over the direction of your thoughts, you focused back on the present with a quick huff, straightening up and leading the charge back out into the cold snow, Levi walking leisurely at your side as usual. It was a longer walk than any you’d done so far, and you were taking him in a direction that you hadn’t taken him before. He wasn’t around a lot in the winter time, obviously, so he didn’t get to see this little hobby of yours. Well, maybe not even a hobby, more like a winter pastime. You were far from a professional or enthusiast. It was just something you liked to do on occasion when it was cold, and you were hoping that it was something that he would find enjoyable as well.

It was a simple setup, one that matched the smaller town you were in, with a regular clear plastic half-wall lining the edge, plain Christmas lights crisscrossing over the walled off area several feet into the air and anchored to the poles along the outside, or to the small booth that served as the entrance fee area and the place to get rental skates, if there were enough. Benches lined the outside of the wall, places for spectators to watch or people to put on their ice skates, and the small outdoor ice rink itself was well lit, the ice appearing to glitter between the starlight, Christmas lights, and the lightly falling snow.

There were a few people, but since it was getting dark and the weather was getting colder--it was already below freezing--most people had left or were in the process of leaving as you went to the booth, paying the entrance fee for two teenagers and getting your shoe size, then having an awkward few moments where you got to try and figure out what shoe size Levi was before you finally managed to get a pair that looked like it would fit him, passing his ice skates to him even though you still hadn’t given him an explanation about what you were doing.

You sat down together on a bench near one of the entrances to the rink, and Levi followed suit when you started taking off your shoes and putting the ice skates on in turn.

“Considering you’ve been stupidly good at anything like this so far, I sort of expect you to get the hang of this fairly quickly, but...this is called ice skating,” you explained in a low tone so no one would hear you explaining what this was to him. “It’s all about balance and such--balance on the blades on your feet, center of balance, that kind of thing. It might take a bit to get used to, but once you do, you’ll be skating along in no time. It's something I like to do in the winter, and I thought you might enjoy it, too.”

You finished strapping the skates on, getting to your feet and taking a few careful steps since you were still on concrete until you were standing in front of Levi, holding your hands out for him to take. “Here--just focus on standing and getting used to balancing on the blades, first,” you told him, pulling him up to his feet and letting him stand in front of you for a few moments, holding tightly to his hands as he wobbled slightly, feet moving from side to side experimentally, picking up one foot and attempting to keep his balance on the other, simply feeling it out for a few seconds while you held him securely in place.

His hands are warm...rough and calloused...but warm...

After he seemed to get his balance, you walked backwards to bring Levi forwards into the ice rink, making sure he kept his balance despite the awkward steps until you reached the smooth ice that the skates were meant for. The slicing sound of the skate blade against the ice felt right to your ears, and you gave Levi a moment to adjust to the terrain, shifting so that you were standing beside him on the ice instead of in front of him, holding one of his hands.

The remaining skating group seemed to decide they didn’t want to risk crashing into the new skater in the small rink and left, meaning it was just the two of you in the rink as you taught Levi how to push off with the blades, how to turn, how to stop without face planting into the ice. It was much faster than most people learned, but it was still slower than you expected. He just seemed to be a natural at so many things, it was almost weird watching him have to progress through figuring out how to ice skate.

Then again, you were teaching him piano, as well, so it wasn’t entirely something new. Maybe it was just the fact he always seemed to be magically gifted when it came to anything physical or something that had to do with aim, accuracy, speed…

With just the two of you, the rink was pretty quiet. There were your voices, of course, with you encouraging him and explaining what you showed him on how to do this or that on the skates, how to speed up and slow down, how to do a hard and sudden stop (again, without face planting). Levi occasionally made a few quips or grumbles, though none of it was mean spirited. He seemed focused on what you were showing him, and he was learning it fairly quickly. You might even dare to say he was having fun.

The other sounds were the slicing of your skates against the ice, and the music playing over loudspeakers on the poles for patrons to skate to if they wanted to. The man running the booth wasn’t even paying attention to the two of you, he was watching tv on a tiny screen you could barely see through the window in the booth, meaning that for now, it was just the two of you, despite the normally public setting.

Once Levi had his balance and he was able to skate on his own, namely in a circle, considering you hadn’t taught him any tricks yet since you were rather focused on...just skate, you let his hand go, albeit reluctantly. Still, it would allow him to get comfortable in the skates and skate on his own without leaning on you like a crutch--and the entire thing would be much more enjoyable for him if he could do it on his own without your help.

Once you were no longer teaching him the basics, you took off to go at your normal speed, skating fairly quickly around the rink, getting the feel for being in the skates again--figure skates, mind you. You liked trying to pull off tricks, and you liked trying to time them to the music. You weren’t an Olympic figure skater, but you could do some basic tricks. Not only was it something that you liked doing and that gave you a degree of accomplishment, but it was also a moment to let yourself shine and show off a bit around Levi.

Closing your eyes, you simply felt the movement, the feel of the breeze created by your movement against your face, gravity acting on your body as you leaned this way or that for a turn. You listened to the music, getting a feel for the beat and the pace before you started adjusting to try and match the music. When the beat dropped, you attempted a leap and spin--just a quick one, landing a little shakily because it had been a while since you’d done this, but still sticking the landing for the most part. Smiling slightly to yourself, you did it again with the next beat drop, the landing going much smoother. You did a few simple movements as well as a few balancing attempts--skating on one foot was a little tricky and required quite a bit of balance, but you could do it--not that you let your foot go too far off the ground--you weren’t trying to form two right angles with your legs and upper body, you had a slight fear of losing your balance forward and causing a bad accident trying to pull that off. It was simple leg up stuff that you tried. And as long as you were paying attention, eyes open and alert to your surroundings, you could skate backwards, too--which you did. It was at that point that you turned to see Levi watching you while you were skating, an intensity in his expression you hadn’t been expecting. You blushed slightly to catch him staring at you, then gave him a smile, a wave, and you turned back around to do a nonchalant figure eight down the center, cutting across to the other side, doing a little spin before you came to skate beside him.

“So, what do you think?” you asked him warmly, skating casually beside him for the time being, staying on the inside so you were the one making the tighter turns.

“Think you could show me some of those tricks?” he asked, eyes down and directed towards your skates. You chuckled, lifting one of your legs just slightly off the ice and unsurprised to find him mirroring your movements. He was a little wobbly at first, just like when he’d stood up, but he quickly evened out, and he even was able to lean into the turns without crashing. “I’d say wait for the harder ones like leaping spins until you’re a bit more experienced with the skates. Maybe just stick to movements and patterns. Lifting a leg, figure eights, skating backwards, that kind of thing.”

“What, you think that little of me?”

You snorted. “On the contrary, you have a gift for learning these kinds of things. I’m actually pretty envious how easily everything seems to come to you.”

“Not everything,” he mumbled, and you thought you saw his cheeks were flushed again. Though maybe it was the cold. It was far below freezing at this point, and the two of you were skating around, that freezing air blowing on your exposed skin in an almost cutting manner. You hadn’t really noticed that much, though. “Skating backwards shouldn’t be too hard, right?”

While you had expected him to try it, you hadn’t expected him to try it right at that very moment as he was skating beside you. His hand suddenly grasped your arm, and he did a hard turn like he’d seen you do a few times for your tricks, coming to a slightly wobbly stop--not a full stop, you were both still moving--directly in front of you, one of his feet planted between your legs and the other on the outside. He was, for the moment, skating backwards.

“It’s gonna be inverted, remember? So instead of leaning--”

“I know,” he said with a huff, glancing behind him and leaning in a mirror of the direction you moved to turn with the curve of the small rink, his grip on your arm tightening slightly and his gaze down at your feet to make sure you two didn’t get tangled up in one another.

You went around the rink like this once...twice...eventually he stopped looking at the turns behind him or the skates below, his grip on your arm going lower...lower...closer to your hand...his eyes focused solely on you as you strangely enough took over guiding the two of you in nonchalant circles around the rink, feeling that gaze of his making your cheeks burn until, after a turn into the longer stretch of ice, you turned to look at him and ask what he was staring at.

He kissed you.

There was no warning. You hardly had time to turn your head to face him before his lips were against yours. His lips were cold because of the weather, maybe a little dry as well, but just like his hands, despite the rough and cold outer appearance, it was...soft. Hesitant, even, like he might pull away at the first sign of discomfort. You sucked in a sharp breath in surprise, feeling yourself lean into him, start to put more weight on him as you kissed him back just as hesitantly.

You were both frozen like that for a few moments, cold lips pressed together, timid and unsure about what to do, neither of you having done this before and knowing what came next. But despite the freezing temperature and dry lips, it was still warm--or, it caused a warm feeling in your chest, a nervous and overeager squirm in your belly as your mind started to work again and all these thoughts started to crash down on you, realization of what this meant, what it could mean, that this was your first kiss, that Levi was kissing you, holding you a little closer to him. After that initial freeze, you both tried to keep going, the inexperience showing but neither of you wanting to pull away. If anything, you leaned into him a bit more, lips moving against his in the way you thought they were supposed to, his attempting to follow in kind. As if to help guide both of you, his hand reached up to brush his knuckles carefully against your cheek, your head tilting slightly to the side in a reaction to the touch.

He felt warm. He felt comfortable. He felt inviting--like you belonged here, right here with him, stumbling through figuring out what came next, with him holding tight to you to help keep you steady when you started to shake, and you there to return the favor.

Your heart was pounding in your ears, and you felt breathless, felt your knees start to shake, the skates wobbling beneath you as Levi started to pull away, just as gently as he came in for the kiss. Your eyes, squeezed shut a few moments ago as if that could help freeze the moment in time like the branches on the willow, started to open.

The presence you were leaning into in front of you suddenly disappeared, and with the amount of weight you’d been putting forward, you lost your balance, falling hard onto the ice with a skidding slide, palms burning against the cold ice as you pushed up onto your elbows, looking around in bewilderment.

And then you just...stayed there. Just sat there. Completely alone in the skating rink. No one around to so much as witness what had happened, or confirmed it was real.

No Levi.

Just you.

Alone.

Alone on the ice before you could even release the breath you’d been holding.

*Levi’s POV*

Levi opened his eyes not to the chilling air and the bright lights both from the stairs and the strings of lights above, not to Y/N’s face aglow in that light, that blush in her cheeks that she’d kept trying to brush off as the cold despite her lingering touches, no lightly falling snow that left wet drops like dew on her cheeks, nose, and forehead. He was alone in the silence of the Underground, lying stretched out on a couch with an arm behind his head under a pillow, staring up at the dark ceiling of his current place of residence.

He closed his eyes tightly, trying to will himself back to that moment, feeling a bubbling anger rising in his chest. Nothing was happening. He couldn’t smell the fresh air, couldn’t hear the faint music, couldn’t feel her hand against his arm or her lips against his, couldn’t feel the unsteady weight of having those blades under his feet. He held his breath, eyes shut as tight as he could, trying so damn hard to get back there.

But nothing changed. Even though there was nowhere he wanted to be more right now.

Levi opened his eyes slightly, peering at the ceiling without really seeing it, hand stretching out in front of him like he was reaching out to that mental image of the girl running ahead of him, just out of reach even as he stretched, tried to grab onto her even as she slipped through his fingers like smoke, far out of his reach.

Levi’s outstretched hand turned into a fist, and he slammed it against the wall the couch was pushed up against, hearing something crack. “Shit!”

It had been so perfect. He’d been watching her the whole time, watching her move so gracefully and freely, so confident and just so...so...beautiful. And she didn’t seem to even realize that was how he saw her. Didn’t seem to realize just how much she was worth to him. He couldn’t help himself--he hadn’t even realized what he was doing until his lips were on hers. But it had still felt so right in that moment, in that single, fleeting, perfect moment.

And now he was right back here. All over again. He didn’t even get the chance to open his eyes and see her reaction, and it pissed him off. Now he had to wait, and he hated the thought. Anger and frustration bubbled right to the surface as he got up off the couch, unable to sit still as he got to his feet with a dark, sulking look on his face at how robbed he felt right now.

Though there was also a tiny part of him that was scared because he hadn’t been able to see her reaction. Especially now that he’d just disappeared on her.

He didn’t know how long he could wait--he knew he’d have to, but it had to come eventually. He’d go back soon, surely, and he could see her then, he could try to figure out what that kiss was to her when he went back, what it meant for them. Even if part of him was nervous to know how she was going to take it, even if he had no idea what this meant for them, fuck, he had to know, and he couldn’t stand to wait another hour!

What Levi didn’t know at the time...was that it would be years before he ever saw her again.

Next Chapter---->

(Strikethroughs Couldn’t Be Tagged)

Levi Tags: @clary-quinn @humanitys-hottestsoldier @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea @hauntedhousecat @peaches-and-clouds

Through The Looking Glass Tags: @artist-bby @kaz2y5-pie @tartheyes @super-peace-fangirl @huntersbunker @nefelimalfoy @soft-levi-girl-blog @honeygivemeachainsaw @regalillegal @sugas-daddy7 @cathyannecookie @chaoticshepardplaid @roayaloveslife @sanrioclit @wvnderfvllyalvne @sparkling-gayyyy @do-not-feed-sugar

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tundrainafrica · 3 years

Text

Title: A Tale of Two Slaves (1/17)

Summary: "Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn't exist. Everything is a choice." At that moment, Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him."

Reincarnation AU. Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn't.

Note: This has been sitting on my computer untouched for a while, along with the timeline I prepared for a multichapter fic. Will probs go back to it soon. Feedback is very much appreciated.

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

Link to cross-postings: AO3

In dreams people only see faces they already know.

It was an interesting fact Levi had probably come across, lazily scrolling through his social media timelines or opening countless tabs after getting into some Wikipedia blackhole in between the long days of schools and the short nights asleep.

He spent a fair amount of time on the internet, reading up about whatever bullshit politics came up with, controversies and bathroom reader fun facts. During his first year of college, it had stuck to him for a time. Maybe because it just seemed too unrealistic, too unbelievable.

After all, ever since he had started college, he felt like he had been dreaming of more and more unfamiliar faces. It could have been attributed at least to the fact that he was exposed to more people in a crowded city than he had been in the small town he grew up in. As time went by, these faces he barely recognized though, had become the main actors in his dream.

The long haired boy with the elvish features. The man with the clean cut appearance and a glint of mischief in his eyes. The oriental girl with subtle European features. The cheeky girl with a beat up pair of glasses and unkempt hair.

They and many others had been regulars in his dreams and Levi had come up with names for them already, names he remembered muttering, names he screamed multiple times in his head. By the time he woke up to the four walls of his bedroom a few hours before his first class, they were vague memories, only as intelligible as his view of the world right after waking up.

Some mornings, he had found himself more exhausted than when he had slept. Some mornings, he found his throat sore from screaming. Some days, his eyes were swollen from crying.

He lived alone in a dormitory and he had wanted to infer that it had been homesickness that had made those nightmares possible. He had never really abhorred being alone though, in fact he liked the privacy that came with having his own room.

He quickly shot down that theory and did not think too much about it soon after. His daily life did not give him too much time to ponder such fleeting and abstract of a concept as dreams in between lessons and training.

The dreams never left him, some days they were more vivid than others. After a few years of navigating academics, trainings, and obligations, Levi had gotten used to brushing off that one tear he’d get as he woke up, taking a lozenge to soothe the sore throat or just leaving the lights off in his room to alleviate the pounding headache he would get some mornings.

Daily life and obligations never did allow him the time and space to ponder too much on those dreams. Levi chalked it up to stress and unexplained trauma, easily soothed by ten minutes scrolling through social media or hours reorganizing his room for the third time that week.

Financial and time constraints made it impossible as well to even consider consulting about it and Levi found himself compartmentalizing those dreams into those few hours of sleep he got at night and the one hour he allowed himself each day to adjust to the waking world.

The line blurred one night though when one of those names was nonchalantly mentioned among others.

"Hange Zoe..."

It was just one name in a list recited by their coach before they were all dismissed for the evening. Sandwiched between a few other names before and after it, it wasn't supposed to stand out like that. Oddly, it did.

As Levi rode his bike to his dormitory room after a tiring day of training, he found himself repeating that name again and again. He tried to make sense of the odd familiarity which came with a name he could have sworn he had never heard before.

A family friend? A childhood friend?

Levi entertained those possibilities. Having grown up in a small town, his family friends and childhood friends consisted of everyone in that tight knit community and he could have listed out all their names then and there. She wasn’t part of it.

To at least, satisfy his own curiosity, Levi had sent a message to his parents before going to sleep. Just in case he had met her before.

Levi woke up the next morning, his throat a little scratchier, his body a little more tired. The first thing he did was check his phone.

Hange Zoe wasn’t a family friend.

Levi put the covers over himself and closed his eyes. His head was pounding and his chest was heavy. He had only noticed a moment later that his eyes were wet, his breaths were coming out in heaves.

What did I dream about this time?

Levi needed the whole morning to recover.

A Tale of Two Slaves

Levi managed at least to drag himself out of bed for afternoon training. By then, others have already started warming up. Levi wondered if he would be able to carry his body through a warm up jog, given his state only a few hours ago.

In the end, getting the jog done became a matter of discipline more than anything else and he had finished well above everyone else.

He had always been faster, given his smaller build and he had the natural muscle and athletic skill to be versatile as well. That was what made him stand out as the best athlete in the track and field team. He never cared too much either way about the admiration many of his teammates held towards him.

The recurring nightmares and the aftermaths of these though had left Levi averse to human interaction. Ironically, as he moved away from his small town and into the bigger city, his world had gotten smaller. Levi found himself keeping his world only wide enough to win track and field events and pass classes.

No man could really ever be an island though, no matter how much they try. Levi soon found that out when he saw that aforementioned Hange Zoe on the side of the track, talking to one of their coaches.

“This is Hange Zoe.”

“You can call me Hange.”

Levi did not need that quick introduction his coach had just given him. Somehow, the name and the face just clicked inside him. He looked expectantly at his coach and back at Hange.

Hange held out her hand to him and smiled. “I heard you’re the best one in the team. Coach Greg spoke highly of you.”

Levi narrowed his eyes at her. “What's she doing here?”

“Didn’t I tell you last time? Some of the premed students wanted to do case studies on athletes here for their final thesis. If you could help them out?” The coach turned to Hange. “Levi here is one of our best jumpers. He holds a pretty good record for sprinting, hurdles and throwing events as well.”

“Your jogging form looks amazing! I’d love to see you in action.”

Levi was not prepared for the invasion of privacy that came a second after. Hange held both of his hands towards her and leaned closer towards him. Before Levi could even stop himself, he had pushed her away and ran, the screaming of his coach to come back had become mere muffled screams in the background.

The only reason Levi did drag himself to training was for the fact that it was still one of the few hobbies he found complete calm yet complete liberation in. Those few moments after launching himself up in the air, those magical few moments high up in the air with only the empty sky above him, Levi felt free.

As Levi powered through, he found within him a burst of energy, built up from an idle morning cooped up in his room.

He had done those same drills so many times before. The excitement he got from flying through the air and running easily took over whatever exhaustion and rattledness plagued him only a second ago. He let his body memory guide him through each drill, concentrating his consciousness on other things like the cool wind on his skin as he shot through the track and the purple sky that stretched above as he performed horizontal jumps.

If Levi had been any more aware of his surroundings, he would have noticed his teammates leaving the track one by one. Maybe, he would have noticed as he started moving to the hurdles that the purple sky was slowly turning into a dark blue and the scenery around him was becoming just a little more than shadows.

It was nothing new. Levi had stayed behind to work on other skills multiple times and his coach and teammates had just learned to leave the club room open. Levi would leave an extra thirty minutes to an hour later than his companions,

At that training though, with little incentive to break away from that small bubble he had built for himself, not a lot of things could have broken his concentration. Fifteen minutes into his hurdles exercises, the distraction came. Levi was raising one leg, positioning himself to jump a hurdle when he caught a shadow from his peripherals.

Someone had been watching him in the dark.

He was alone. Or he was supposed to be alone at least.

The combination of those realizations and the exhaustion that threatened to take over Levi only caused Levi to stumble on the hurdle in front of him and fall forward onto cold ground.

“Hey! You okay?”

It was that same voice from that same conversation Levi had walked away from just an hour ago. The voice was as loud and as annoying as it was an hour ago that even when his shadow was still a good few meters away, Levi remembered how it felt with her forehead once again pressed on his and her grip on his two hands.

Levi was frozen on the ground, his body still in shock at the sudden loss of control and the whiplash of what he had just imagined.

“That looked painful.” Her voice was softer than it was a second ago. Hange put her hand on his.

Levi pulled away instinctively, and winced as his palms protested the quick action. Levi looked at his palms. In the dim light, he could see three long gashes lined up in the middle. Blood was starting to come out as well.

Levi was exhausted. The impact and the aftermath of falling on the ground, front first and the friction burns that followed, only further drained what was left of his energy.

By the time Hange helped him up by the shoulders Levi was almost motionless, the small movements he made were carefully calculated for fear of aggravating the dull pain.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.”

A Tale of Two Slaves

“Sorry about a while ago… People say I’m just a little too intimidating but I just get really excited about these types of things. You had such a good running form. You jump so high. You get a really good height above the hurdles… “ Hange gave him a consoling look. “Except that last one.”

Hange was closer to him than what Levi would have preferred at first. Oddly, he had gotten used to it quickly enough, particularly because he had no other choice.

The gashes on his palms were bloody and painful. With little to no means to bandage them himself, he was left to rely on the only person there and as Levi soon found out, she had problems with maintaining a comfortable social distance from people.

And she never stopped talking.

“Are the bandages too tight?” Hange asked, in between other ramblings Levi had tuned out.

“‘No.” The only words Levi had said since they had arrived in the club room fifteen minutes ago.

“Okay, let’s move on to your knees.”

Levi had not surveyed the damage himself but he guessed it was probably worse than his palms from Hange’s concerned frown.

“You’re gonna need stitches for this. The clinic probably isn’t open so you might have to go to the hospital… We could call a taxi and---”

“You’re a pre-med student, can’t you do it yourself?”

Hange blushed. “You trust me to do it?”

"A trip to the hospital will just be a waste of time." Levi admitted.

Hange rummaged deeper into the first aid kit. "This is gonna be painful though."

Better than taking a trip to the hospital now. Levi braced himself for it and decided to distract himself from the discomfort of the whole ordeal.

“How does it feel? Flying in the sky like that?” Hange asked. At that point, Hange had started to talk more purposefully, as if she wanted to get a point across to him.

Levi guessed that it was all an attempt to distract him from the mini operation she was giving him. From his angle, Levi could not see the extent of the injuries, nor did he want to. The pain was bearable, although it was still much worse than what he would have considered a discomfort.

“I’ve always wanted to take a sport like that, maybe gymnastics, maybe figure skating or track and field? That’s the closest people can get to flying right?” Hange was asking too many questions but it was obvious she was not expecting answers.

Her words flowed as smoothly as the movement of the needle and thread he could see from his angle.

Something about the way she talked to him was comforting and eventually Levi had almost completely relaxed, the pain of needle to torn skin a distant memory. He lay back on the bench and closed his eyes, focusing not on her words but instead on the familiar warm tone as she spoke.

The sensation of needle to skin, the burning pain, the dizziness that followed. They were all too familiar. All accompanied by that familiar warm voice.

Maybe we should just live here together. Right Levi?

If we keep running and hiding, what will that get us.

Hange's voice tore into his daydream. “What do you mean? Are you running from something?"

#levihan #levi ackerman #hange zoe #levi x hange #fanfic

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rhaellatully · 4 years

Text

The Talk (Fanfiction)

AO3:https://archiveofourown.org/works/22954702

FF.net:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13512090/1/The-Talk

Summury: Lorcàn Redfox and Ul Fullbuster come back from school for summer vacation and have an important question for their parents. One that their parents weren't ready to answer

Same universe as: https://rhaellatully.tumblr.com/post/187230401033/mom-was-a-what-fanfiction

Beta: theshelbylee and wargraymon0709

There were laugher and loud voices coming from their table. It was to be expected when members of Fairy Tail were involved. The restaurant owner had warned every other costumer who tried to get a reservation the same day they did. He still managed to get a full house, Fairy Tail mage might be loud but they attract lots of curious. Left and right people were stealing glances at their table. The adults noticed but they didn’t mind, they were too focused on their children for that.

It was an important day after all. The Fullbuster eldest and the youngest Redfox had come back from boarding school for the summer break. They were both the same age, twelve, and had been schooled at the academy of the magical counsel since they were six. To celebrate both families went to the restaurant together, as they had always been very close. The two children going to boarding school had been decided after a few incidents at school, children had been mean to Lorcán, the young Redfox boy, and the two hadn’t been able to answer with anything other than violence. They had ended up being expelled and both very much set on the idea that they would never go to school again. The academy of the magical counsel was a magic school and easy to get places for Gajeel and Levy as they had worked for the magical council.

The probleme Lorcàn had met with other children was due to his appearance. While he had been generally graced with his mother fine traits, he had also inherited his father red eyes and shaped tooth. On top of that due to a draconification process (that his parents with polyussica’s help had managed to stop) he had patches of scales here and there. He had two fingers on his right hand and, worst of all, an eye that was dragon and not human. Now his long black hairs hide the eye effortlessly but it hadn’t been the case when he was a child.

Ul didn’t had that problem, it was generally agreed on that she was beautiful and growing more radiant every day. She had her mother pale skin and curly hair, although much darker, a marine blue that in darkness could be mistaken for black. She was always told that she had her grandfather eyes, which made her dad very happy. But recently, as she had started to develop breast earlier than her classmate, she found herself doing her best to hide her body.

Both children had strong insecurities about their appearance and did their best to hide it from their parents. Even though they knew that they probably had guested. It was something common in their families, not saying everything. Most of their conversation only held half of the information and you had to guess the rest. They were used to it and managed perfectly that way. Apart from Levy and Fionn, Lorcàn older borther, who liked sharing their thoughts and emotion, everyone was very happy to always keep some things for themselves.

Lorcán and Ul had always been perfectly content with it and didn’t see any reason to change things. Until today. Or, actually two weeks ago. Yes, two weeks ago they had started wondering things about their parents. And they wanted answers, full answers.

It’s Ul who found the courage to ask “What did you do before?”

Her mother looked her confused “What do you mean”

All eyes were on her, even her little sister Marina had stopped jumping on her chair to look at her. Her eyes were the most difficult to meet, she was cute little girl who looked so much alike their father, she had a round face, dark straight hair in two cute little pig tails. She had always admired Ul, something rather normal for a little sister, and oddly the separation due to Ul going to boarding school had only made that feeling stronger. Seeing this adorable ten-year-old girl stare at her with confusion in her dark blue eyes, made Ul worried and think that maybe she should have waited to be alone with her parents, but then the Redfox wouldn’t have been there, and they needed to talk to all of them.

“I mean… well… “

Lorcán took over for her “When we were at school another student, an older one, told us that he didn’t understand how both of you could be together after what our parents had done, so we wonder, what did you do before?”

None of the adult moved, while all the children stared at them waiting. They seemed surprised but there was more than that. Levy looked worried and she had her arms in front of her, almost protectively. Gray was looking straight at them with a dark expression on his face. But Gajeel and Juvia, they were the strangest of them all. Gajeel was looking down at his feet, his shoulders were slumped and his eyes were clenched shut. Juvia looked paler than any of them had though possible, she had shrunk back and her eyes were wide.

They had never seen their parents like this. Instinctively Lorcán turned toward his older brother. But Fionn looked just as confused as he was. His brown eyes were narrowed, underneath his long nose his lips were slightly parted, it seemed that he was holding his breath. He didn’t bother putting back behind his hears the short black strands of hair that had fallen over his face. Seeing his eighteen-year-old brother this perplexed didn’t made Lorcán feel better. Seeing this all scene in front of his eyes made him think that they shouldn’t have said anything at all.

Finally, Gray broke the silence, “We’ll talk about this later” he said as he put an arm around Juvia which seemed to calm her down. She relaxed and gave him a smile, but the children could tell that she wasn’t fine. In the same manner Levy placed her hand on top of Gajeel, he straitened up and gave her sad look, which was probably only meant for her but the children saw it anyway.

Levy changed the conversation and they tried to finish their meal. The tension didn’t disappear and they stayed tens from the entrée to the desert.

When Ul got home she found that the house felt cold. Her family had never been fond of heating but she knew that wasn’t it. It was cold was from the lack of affection they received from their parents. Usually the second they entered the front door their mother would put them in a bare hug and their dad would ruffle their hairs. But tonight their mother wouldn’t look at them and went straight to the parent’s bedroom, with less energy than Ul had though possible. Their dad followed her with a worried expression on his face. Neither reminded them to brush their teeth.

She took her little sister to the bathroom nonetheless. She could tell that the little girl was confused, and Ul felt guilty about it. Perhaps she shouldn't have said anything, the other student tone did indicate that whatever happened it wasn’t good, she hadn’t though it would hurt her family this badly. Her poor mother, who was always so kind and thoughtful, now looked devastated. Ul hadn’t meant to hurt her that way and she felt that she would never forgive herself for it.

Once they brushed their teeth and washed their faces, Ul took Marina back to the room they shared. The two twin bed were waiting for them, but not their parents. Tonight mom wouldn’t brush their hair and dad would read them a story. Ul had already out grown all of that, but Marina hadn’t and seemed distress.

“Mom and Dad aren’t coming” she said, it wasn’t a question but a statement, despite her young age she had understood that part of the situation.

Ul didn’t know if should be happy or sad about that.

“Come here I’ll brush your hair”

Marina sat between her legs as she undid her pig tails and brushed her hair, slowly to make sure she didn’t hurt her.

“What’s wrong with what mom did before?”

“I don’t know” said Ul truthfully.

“It has to be bad or she wouldn’t be like that.”

“I know”

“Can I go give her a hug?” That was Marina’s answer to problems, she wasn’t very good at cheering people up, when she tried speaking, she only hurt them more, her parents said she got that from their dad. It was Ul who had one told her “just give them a hug” and Marina had acted that way ever since.

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea” the simple fact that Marina had felt the need to ask was enough to know that she shouldn’t. Seeing them would probably made their mother feel worst.

She managed to put her sister to sleep, but took a grand total of five stories before she finally fell asleep. Now Ul needed to use the bathroom, she decided to go quickly and then get her sleep. She was now, thankfully, far too tired to worry about her family history.

In the corridor she passed her parent’s bedroom and froze. She was hearing sobs coming from her inside. She knew it was her mother. She had made her mother cry. She felt like she would cry as well, she did her best to hold it in, but she heard that it started raining outside. It always happened when she held her tears. She hoped her parents wouldn’t notice. She heard her mother sobs get louder and stronger; she had noticed. What was wrong with her, why did she keep hurting her mom that way?

“Hey, it’s going to be okay” she heard her father said through the door.

Her father could help her mom, he had to.

Everything was quiet at the Redfox home, which was unusual, normally they would a record playing, people talking or something breaking, there would be noise. The noise had always been comforting to Lorcán, it’s what made him feel at home. This all atmosphere was making him edgy, and both his parents were avoiding his glances. He thought of putting on some music himself but it didn’t feel right and scared him.

His brother was in his room and right now he was only person he wouldn’t feel awkward around. So, he entered, he didn’t find reading a book, meditating, or playing a game, as he usually did. Instead the eighteen-year-old was sitting on his bed with a thoughtful look on his face.

Lorcán closed the door and asked “Do you understand what’s going on?”

Fionn offered him a sympathetic look and made some room on his bed for him to sit. Lorcán sat next to him and his brother said “Not really no.”

“But you have to know something”

It was to him an unchanging truth of this world that his brother knew more than him, and was always thirsty for knowledge. He knew a little about everything and a lot about certain things. He was already an S class mage and knew some of the secrets of the guild.

“All I know is that Dad and aunt Juvia used to be in another guild before joining Fairy Tail”

“What happened to that guild?”

“I don’t know I always assumed it got disbanded”

This just brought more mystery, but also a clue. Whatever had happened it had to do with this guild.

“Do you know its name?”

“No, I never really asked.”

He could find out more about this guild than he could found out what was going on with his parents. This gave him a new determination. He heard the rain pouring outside, he hoped it wasn’t Ul’s, but he had a strong feeling that it was. Clearly, they had to find the truth and they had to do it fast.

The next morning, he skipped out of the house, no one tried to stop him, as the awful mood of the previous night had followed them the next morning. He immediately went to the Fullbuster home, it was less than five minutes away, and he knew that Ul would already be dressed and ready, a habit they had picked up at school. The second he saw her; he knew the rain of the previous night had been hers. He grabbed her and as he took her to the guild, he told what his brother knew. It didn’t take long for her to grow curious and like him she reached the conclusion that to solve their problem they had to find out the truth.

They went to the guild, because if Fionn didn’t have the answers than Viktor probably did. It was there best shot really. They found him easily, as his team always surrounded him. They approached the group of teenagers and saw him at the head of their table. He was the undisputable leader of this team, even though he wasn’t very imposing, not that he needed to be with the power of his magic. He was tall, and as he was sixteen, he had not finished growing, but he was thin, he had curly reddish hair that he hid underneath a bandana. He wore rather simple clothes excepted for his large black leather pants.

“Viktor” Ul called out. He gave them a nod to show that he acknowledged their presence. “Can we talk to you? Alone.”

He raised an eyebrow but stood up and followed them to a deserted corner of the guild.

“So?” he asked.

They explained to him what had happened with their parents, and asked if he knew anything. He seemed thoughtful but then said “Oh yeah I see what this is. You see before Gajeel and Juvia were-“

“Don’t” said a loud and strong voice. It was Laxus Dreyar, Viktor’s father. “That’s for their parents to explain”

Lorcán expected Viktor to get angry at his dad, as he had always been of the rebellious sort, but instead a look of understanding came to his face and with a shrugged he said “Sorry kiddo”

He started walking away, and both Lorcán and Ul were in a state of shock. Lorcán recovered quickly and managed to say, “Wait! Is it bad?”

Viktor stopped and turned to them “Depends how you look at it.”

This just left them with more question.

Things didn’t go better in the days that followed, Juvia and Gajeel were still avoiding their children eyes. They barely talk, excepted for a few “Diner is ready”, “Wash your tooth” and “Take off your shoes”. Both houses stayed quiet, as if ghost leaved inside. The guilt Ul and Lorcán felt was getting worst. They were also worried about what it could be that their parents were hiding.

One day the Redfoxs came with their children to the Fullbusters. The children were sat on the couch while the parents were in the kitchen. Lorcán had told his brother about their conversation with Viktor, he hadn’t been able to draw any conclusion from it. All they knew was that the entire guild apparently knew.

The parents returned with tea and biscuit. Everyone took a cup awkwardly. No one said anything. They stayed that way a little, until Levy said “So, I think it’s time we talk.”

“Is it about what I asked when I got home?”

Juvia started by saying “What you need to know first is that not one day goes by where we don’t regret it.” This did not make them feel better.

“We used to be part of another guild” said Gajeel “Phantom Lord. We were rivals with Fairy Tail. And… one day we took that Rivalry too fare.”

They already knew about the other guild, having taken a rivalry too fare could mean a lot of different things.

“It started when I attacked the guild empty building.”

There was a sigh of relief, he had attacked an empty building, that wasn’t a big deal. But then why were their parents so worried.

“And then” Gajeel paused, there was pain in his eyes, Levy took his hand and she finished for him “He attacked Jet, Droy and Me”

Lorcán froze and he could feel that his brother had done the same.

“I crucified them to a tree.”

There was gasp. Lorcán had tears in eyes. This couldn’t be true, his father had always been very protective of his mother, he could never have hurt her, he loved her too much for that. This had to be some kind of sick joke. But it wasn’t. He could smell the shame on his father.

“And” continued Juvia “while Fairy Tail attacked Phantom Lord in retribution, I abducted Lucy.”

Now Ul was confused, her mother and Lucy had always been close friends, hadn’t they?

“Of course, Natsu got her back, after that we came to attack Fairy Tail. It was a real war. I fought your father.”

Ul felt Marina take her hand, she squeezed her tight, they both waited for more.

“He defeated me, not without difficulties.”

“And I got beat up by Natsu.”

“A few month later we both joined Fairy Tail and we mend our relationship with the other members”

The children sat in silence. They were confused and angry. Had their parents lied to them? No, they had simply omitted the truth all these years. There was so much. Ul got up, grabbed Marina and they ran to their room. Juvia started crying. Gray putted his arms around her while looking toward where his daughters had disappeared.

Lorcán stared at his foots, he didn’t know what to say or to think. It was as if everything he had ever believed about his father was lie.

Juvia dried her tears and the Fullbusters went to their children’s room.

The first one to recover enough to ask a question was Fionn, who said, “How did you forgive him?”

Their mother offered them a small smile “It took time, time during which he apologies and tried his best to make sure no one else would ever hurt me. I also got to know him and I realised that he was doing his best to never be the man who had hurt me again.”

“Why did you do it?” asked Lorcán, his parents didn’t seem to know which of them he was asking, and to be honest he didn’t himself. Why had his father done such a thing? Why had his mother choose to be with that man?

His father chose to answer, “Phantom Lord was the kind of place where you had to show you were the strongest, and I always did my best to show I was the toughest of them all. It was the only thing I had in my life, that’s how I believe things were supposed to be. My father had always told me that humans were cruel so it all seemed normal. One day the master told me to go hurt one of Fairy Tail members, one I knew would hurt them the most. So, I went after Levy. It was the first time I questioned my way of life.”

Lorcán didn’t know what to think of any of this, he wanted to leave.

“I’m going to go … see Ul” he said.

“I don’t understand” said Ul.

“You’re going to have to be more precise” answered her father.

Ul and Marina were sited on her bed, across from their parents who sat on Marina’s bed. She had run here with her sister after the revelation. Marina hadn’t said a word; she had sat here and stared into nothingness. Ul had kept an arm around her, she didn’t know what she was trying to do and she didn’t how to feel about any of this. Her mother had always that sweet and kind person, sometimes too kind and sweet. She knew she had a temper; she had seen it back when she had problems at school. But she could have never imagined her hurting an innocent in anyway. And yet, she had just been told that she had kidnaped Lucy and went at war with Fairy Tail. How could any of this be possible?

That boy at school had been right: how could they be together after what her mother had done?

“How do you go from …?” she couldn’t finish, because she didn’t know how to finish it. How do you go from being enemies to spouses? How do you go from that kind of person to who you are now?

Her father chose the end for her.

“We met again, we got along. Then your mother joined the guild and I got to know her better and I realise she was someone I could see myself be with. You see I’ve come to understand why your mother obeyed the order she was given and I know she wouldn’t do it again. She has grown a lot since then, I have grown a lot since then. I guess we both grew in a way that brought us closer and made us family.”

“But she-“ she stopped and looked at her mother, who had her head down and dried tears on her cheeks “you did- you hurt people, people you” she turned to her father “cared about!”

“She did but at the time she couldn’t fully understand that.”

“How old were you?”

“She was 17”

“I’m old enough to understand, why couldn’t she?”

“She grew up differently from you, she didn’t have anyone to teach her the difference between right and wrong, it took her more time.”

Ul was astonished, what kind of childhood could her mother have had that she didn’t understand such fundamental things? She wanted to ask more. She was about to ask more but Marina spoke first.

“Was mum a bad person?” she asked.

Their father immediately said “No” but their mother said, “Yes”

“Juvia-“, the raised hand of their mother cut their father.

“Mum was a bad person, she did have a small understanding of good and evil, but she knew evil better, she understood that certain thing hurt but she also grew up alone. She learned self-preservation very fast. She cared about herself first and watched other from a far. The first time she trusted someone else didn’t go well. Mum had already told you that when she was young the rain followed her everywhere. People didn’t like that, they ran away from Juvia, she though she was curse and that perhaps people were right to feel that way. But then one day a man came and told her that the reason they flied from her was because she was so much stronger and more amazing than them that they didn’t know how to cop. He was the master of Phantom Lord and he also was the first person in the world to be kind to Juvia. So, she followed him and she extended her idea of self-preservation to him and slowly to all of Phantom Lord, she loved them and she thought she loved him. She was willing to do anything for the one she loves and that’s still the case. She did what he asked because he said it was needed to protect Phantom Lord. She has learned since then to see the world differently. She has free herself from the rain and that allowed her to meet people as they were. That changed her a lot, but it didn’t change the fact that she is willing to do anything to protect the one she loves. Mum will always protect you no matter how and no matter why.”

Marina got up and hugged their mother. Ul didn’t follow her; she was still digesting all of this. It was a lot she was slowly coming to understand. Many of it was still foggy in her mind. But when it became clear enough to understand what her mother had been through and how hard she worked to change. She got up and hugged her as well. Soon their father joined.

The door opened and Lorcán walked in. Ul could see the distress on his face, she got up and they left the house. He didn’t say anything at first but she could tell that they were thousands of thoughts going through his head many he wanted to speak but none he dared to. They sat together on the grass for a while. The time he took to calm down gave her time to think, about her mom. She had heard her words and she was able to understand, on an intellectual level, on an emotional one she was still hurt. Hurt to have learnt that her mother wasn’t who she thought she was. And if she still had that pain, it could only be worst for Lorcán.

“How is Marina?” he finally asked.

Ul wasn’t surprised that this was his first question, as a matter of fact hearing him speak that way told her he was already better. Putting Marina first as if she was his sister as well, that was the Lorcàn she knew.

“Better now, I think” she answered truthfully. “What about you?”

“I don’t know.” She said looking down “my father he… he hurt my mom, I didn’t think he…”

“I know.”

“But it has to be okay if she forgave him, right?”

“I guess… I mean she’s the one this actually concerns.”

“It just feels weird.”

“Yeah”

They let a few moments pass, no word said, just the wind and their breathing. The silence was appeasing, when they sat together without any distraction, they could just swallow all the information from yesterday. Digest them. Accept them.

“It’s kind of incredible” said Lorcán.

“What is?”

“That they could go from that kind of person to who they are now.”

Ul took a second to think about it, and really, there was nothing to do but agree. Going from being someone who hurt others at the first order given to someone who cared so much about others, that was amazing. And she thought about her dad and Levy, and about how they were able to see beyond the past pain inflicted by her Mom and Gajeel to see what they had become.

“How are parents found the strength to forgive them, that’s also incredible.” She said.

Lorcán nodded, “Our parents are amazing.” He said smiling

Ul smiled back and said, “They are.”

#fairy tail fanfiction #gruvia #gajevy #gale #ft next generation #gruvia child #gajevy child #ft fanfiction #gray fullbuster #juvia lockser #gajeel redfox #levy mcgarden #fairy tail next generation #fanfic

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santoteez · 4 years

Text

The Dormant Beast - Jongho (1)

Part: 1 of ?

Idol: Jongho of ATEEZ

Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Friends to Lovers

Word Count: 2,071

Warnings: Slight prejudice and bullying (non-racial and it’s not bodyshame either) MC is Black Female, Mentions of murder

Crescent walked through the halls, ignoring the snickers and looks of disgust from the other students. It wasn’t because of the curves of her body. It wasn’t even her melanin-rich skin that caused this reaction. No, this world wasn’t plagued with body shaming or racism. But, there was prejudice. And it was due to a lack of aura.

Where Crescent lives, each and every person has their aura. An animalistic force that overtakes the body on command. Humanity was supposed to devolve from humanoids back into apes, in reverse of how we allegedly came to be. Whether or not that’s true is up for debate. What is for sure, is that somewhere along the line, technology and science mixed into the biological DNA of the human race, and rather than reverting into animals, they became animalistic humans. The closest thing to a hybrid, but not quite centaurs or mermaids.

Everyone has their aura develop sometime in elementary or middle school, and most have perfected it by senior year. Crescent’s sister, Eclipse, had the aura of a cheetah. It allowed her to move faster than any land animal aura, and gave her bright, gold eyes and a slender frame. Her parents were both hyenas, making them manipulative and, contrary to popular belief, rather violent and predatory towards others. They were very boisterous; their voices sometimes being heard from miles away. Even Jongho, Crescent’s best friend, had an aura. He was a gorilla, making him incredibly strong and highly intelligent. His incredible strength and broad build made him the most popular in the school, as well as the strongest. Just like real gorillas, though, Jongho was a big softie and rarely showed his true strength. Sometimes you would forget he had the ability to rip you limb from limb and destroy the entire school without breaking a sweat.

Then, there was Crescent. From the beginning, Crescent knew something was wrong. When all her friends were running and flying to school, she was taking the bus. When there were battles for dominance during recess, she cowered in the library. It all came down to one day, she was challenged by Desire, the strongest girl in school, to a battle.

“Come on, Crescent. Everyone knows you’re just hiding your aura. You never want to show it. You probably think you’re too good for battle. Show us what you got.”

“Desire. I already told you I FORFEIT my battle. You already won. Why do you keep seeking me out?”

“Because I know you’re just mocking me by not fighting me. You probably think I won’t win because of whatever aura you have. In order to win, I must assert dominance. So get in position.” She said, channeling her aura. The astral projection of a howling wolf appeared in the air, and she adopted a dominant stance.

Crescent, on the other hand, just stood there. What was she to do?

“If you won’t power up willingly, I’ll have to beat it out of you.” Desire ran, pouncing on Crescent. She pinned her down, bearing her sharp teeth.

Crescent, aware of how damaging a wolf bite can be, shut her eyes tightly and braced herself for the pain.

It never came, though. Crescent opened her eyes to see Jongho with Desire in hand. He was holding her up off the ground by her neck, but not in a chokehold way. The group that had formed to view the fight between the girls had dispersed into the corners, scared of what Jongho might do, but still nosey enough to watch.

“She said she didn’t want to fight you three times, didn’t she? That’s surely going against the rules if you attack her anyway, right Crescent?” He smiled at the much shorter girl, who had yet to get up.

Jongho set Desire down, reaching out a hand to help Crescent up. Once Crescent was on her feet, Jongho spoke. “Crescent, maybe it would help if you just showed your aura? You already forfeited, so it wouldn’t lead to a battle, but it might help to ease some of the ambiguity.” He shrugged.

For the first time since realizing it, Crescent burst into tears. “I don’t show my aura…because I don’t have one!”

Gasps were heard all up and down the corridor.

“That’s impossible!” Desire shouted. “If you’re something weak, like a mouse or something, just say it. But don’t say you have no aura.”

Crescent sighed. “I’m telling the truth. I’m not a mouse, or a cheetah, or even a hyena. I’m just human. No aura.” She said, sobbing harder.

Jongho embraced her, pulling her close and rubbing her back. “What are you all still staring at? There’s no fight. Get to class!” His voice boomed against the walls, causing the crowd to scurry, even Desire.

“Hey, it’s okay. Maybe you’re just a late bloomer? I know some people that didn’t get their aura until high school! Or maybe it’s a medical thing! Whatever it is, I’ll help you figure it out. We’ll find your aura, together.”

That was four years ago. They were best friends ever since. No matter what rituals or remedies Jongho and Crescent tried, they couldn’t figure out what was up with her aura. Doctor after doctor told her there was nothing wrong with her, she was just auraless. There were cases of something hindering an aura, such as a lean animal in a curvy body, or vice versa. But none of that applied to Crescent. They tried potions made by the black cat auras, but after a food poisoning scare, they decided not to continue down that path.

Now in junior year, Crescent and Jongho decided to put their aura search on hold as they prepared for college applications and senior year.

Crescent opened her locker, sliding out the way immediately as a bucket of water fell out, which would’ve drenched her if it wasn’t for her quick reflexes. Chuckles and snickers were heard around her as she stepped into the water to stand in front of her locker.

Grabbing her books, she paused to look at the picture in her locker. It was her and Jongho from the previous Valentine’s Day. Every girl in the school was asked out to the town fair that day, except Crescent. Despite her reputation, she was still hopeful someone would be nice to her, just for that day. She was laying in bed, tears seeping into her pillow when there was a knock at the door. She opened it to find Jongho with a bouquet of sunflowers, knowing she hated roses.

“Were you seriously crying? Geez, didn’t think I had to formally ask you to the fair. Thought it was obvious I’d take you.” He said, stepping into the house. “I’ll wait for you in the living room. There’s no way you’d want to go out looking like that.” He said, referring to her pajamas and puffy eyes. They headed for the fair after Crescent changed, getting on the rides and playing the games. Jongho beat the ball toss, despite the glass bottles being glued together (because of obvious reasons) and won Crescent a huge teddy bear with a red ribbon. He asked the booth owner to take their picture with the prize and, lo and behold, that’s how the picture came to exist. Crescent cuddling into Jongho’s arm with the teddy bear in between and the two of them with bright smiles.

It was that night that Crescent realized her feelings for Jongho. At first, she thought it was hero worship, a feeling caused by Jongho saving her from Desire. But that night, under the city lights, spending the entire evening together, she realized it was something deeper.

She sighed. It’s not like it could ever happen. Someone with such a powerful aura as Jongho’s wouldn’t be caught with someone of a low aura, let alone someone as auraless as Crescent. Jongho had proven to her time and time again that he didn’t really care for the hierarchy, but Crescent knew better than to hope that high.

Suddenly, her locker was slammed closed by Desire and her minions.

“Crescent! Good morning!” She said in an overly sweet tone that was anything but.

“No aura, still. No fashion sense either.” She said, glancing down at the girl’s sneakers and overalls. “With no aura, you’re not much of a looker, you know.”

“Even with all the Chanel and Prada in the world, you’d look down on me.” Crescent said, matter of factly.

“That’s a fact!” Desire said, bumping shoulders with Crescent just as Jongho turned the corner.

“Jongho, my love! How are you? I missed you all weekend!” She said, draping her arm over Jongho’s pathetically.

“Missed me enough to come harass Crescent again?” He asked.

“What? No, no, no! I just came to tell her that her overalls are so chic! 90s are in right now, you know. I should get myself a pair!”

“Maybe you should, I get them from Levi’s.” Crescent smiled.

“Maybe I will.” Desire said, clenching her teeth.

“I’ll be looking forward to seeing you in them. They’d suit you.” Jongho lied.

“Really? I’ll look into it!” Desire said, walking away. “Great now I have to wear those things? Do you think they would go with my heels? Why does he always hang out with the challenged one anyway?” She asked her minions as they walked away.

Jongho and Crescent burst into laughter when she turned the corner.

“Like she’d ever wear overalls,” Crescent said.

“I hope she does, it’d be funny to see her pretend to be comfortable,” Jongho replied. “How was the weekend, Cres?”

“Pretty good, I sparred with Eclipse again. I was sore yesterday but I’m feeling better.”

Ever since they realized she was auraless, Eclipse took it upon herself to train Crescent in hand to hand combat, teaching her how to block and dodge hits as well as serve them. Crescent hated it at first, but it turned out to be beneficial at times when people turned to her as a punching bag. They never expected her to fight back.

Jongho nodded. “That’s good. It’s important you can defend yourself, especially when I’m not around. I don’t want anyone messing with you.”

“I’m fine, Jongho. I can handle myself.”

“I know, doesn’t mean I’m not gonna have your back.” He said, swinging his arm around her shoulders as they walked into class.

“Good Morning Strongville Campus! This is Desire with your morning announcements.” The girl screeched through the P.A. system, causing Crescent to roll her eyes.

“Crescent, I know you’re rolling your eyes. Don’t.” Crescent looked up at the speaker, mouthing ‘How?’ “Anyways, I’d like to start off with a moment of silence for Strongville High alum Hyunjae Kim, who was brutally murdered by The Void, making him the 7th victim to succumb to the unknown assailant. The moment of silence will start now, please refrain from speaking until you hear my voice.”

Crescent’s mind wandered to the victims of The Void. Those with strong auras have been slain one by one over the course of three months. Those who were in the area of the murder have reported a lightless darkness around the time of death, causing the media to aptly name the faceless suspect ‘The Void.’

“Thank you for participating. In other news-”

“Hyunjae might’ve moved out of town, but he still lived pretty close. Do you think The Void will pop up here?” Crescent asked Jongho.

“No idea. Some say he’s looking for the OmniAura. The one that possesses the aura of the entire animal kingdom. The One True Ruler.”

“Do you really think someone that possesses that much power exists?” She asked incredulously.

“No one really thought someone who possessed NO power existed, and yet here you are. I say anything’s possible.” Jongho shrugged.” Hey, did you hear back from those colleges? What did they say?”

She sighed. “The same as the rest. That they’ve never encountered a spiritually challenged person, meaning auraless. They thanked me for applying and said they’d keep in touch when they researched how to better accommodate the auraless.”

Jongho squeezed her hand. “Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.”

Crescent smiled, despite being worried about something entirely different. She stared out the window. What did The Void want? Is there really an OmniAura? If he was seeking out all the strong auras, how long would it be until he came for Jongho?

Stephie back at it again with the fanfics! I posted earlier today too, I’m on a ROLL. I took a mini and unannounced hiatus, but I’m back to stay! I realized how much it was stressing me out not to write, but ya girl got a new job and was finding it hard to adjust and time manage. So bear with me while I get back into the groove.

#ateez #ateez jongho #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #choi jongho

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elisaphoenix13 · 5 years

Text

A Hasty Onset

Peter felt awful. His stomach hurt, the thought of food made him more nauseous than he already was, and he undoubtedly had a fever. When the bell rang for lunch, he barely made it to the bathroom to vomit, and that only made the pain in his stomach worse. This wasn't something he could tough out until school was over. Even his spider senses were trying to warm him that something was wrong. He needed to call his parents.

The teen whimpers in pain as just the slight movement to dig through his pocket hurts him even more, and his vision begins to swim. He shakes his head in an attempt to clear it as he scrolls through his contacts but drops his cell when the bathroom door slams open. Peter holds back tears as he fights through the pain to reach for the phone that had slid away, and that was the last thing he remembered before blacking out.

_______________

Peter woke to persistent beeping and a hand gently tightens around his when he groans.

"Mum...turn off the alarm."

A relieved chuckle meets his ears and Peter slowly opens his eyes when another hand brushes his hair back away from his head. Brown eyes are the first thing he sees and he furrows his eyebrows in confusion. Wait...wasn't he at school? What was Tony doing at his school? He remembered the pain but that was gone now. Maybe he was taken to the nurse's office after he passed out in the bathroom.

" 'm fine. You didn't need to come. Pro'bly just the flu." Peter slurs.

Tony opens his mouth but the next words don't come from him. "That was not the flu. That was appendicitis." Stephen says from his left and Peter rolls his head to look at him. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Before he left for school? He was fine. If he wasn't, Stephen would have known in a heartbeat so he was probably kicking himself for not noticing that Peter wasn't well. The symptoms came on all at once during his second class so Stephen couldn't have known.

"I felt fine before school." At Tony's skeptical look he frowns. "I swear."

"How come I didn't get an alert from Karen?" Tony demands. "Why did I get a call from your school that you were taken to the hospital?!"

Peter shrinks against his pillow and the monitor by the bed starts beeping faster, causing Stephen to stand and lay a hand on his husband's shoulder. "Tony."

The engineer pulls his hand away and covers his mouth. "Pete...that scared the shit out of me. I had no idea what was going on."

"I was trying to call..." Peter whispers.

Stephen nods. "We know. You were found by a student and he said you were reaching for your phone when you passed out."

Peter nods. He remembered that much.

Now that he was more aware, the teen realized where he was, and the heart monitor spiked again. He was at the hospital. There were two reasons why that wasn't okay. One, he hated them, and second, he was Spiderman. He had enhanced healing and it was going to raise questions when he healed a lot faster than people usually do, and he was afraid that the doctors took some blood that was probably lying around right now.

"Nonononono! I can't be here! They'll know!" The teen starts to scratch at his IV until Stephen stops him.

"Peter, calm down. I took care of it. We're lucky Christine was working today."

The teen looks up at the sorcerer. "Who's Christine?"

"That would be me." Christine walks into the room with a file in her hand and stands by the monitors to jot down the teen's vitals before turning to him with a smile. "So you're Peter. It's nice to finally meet you." She gives Stephen a look and he ignores it. "It would have been nicer if Stephen brought you like he promised instead of the ambulance."

"Uhh..." Peter replies dumbly. He swore she looked familiar but he couldn't quite place it.

Tony raises an eyebrow at the two doctors. "When did you promise this?"

"I didn't promise anything. I told her I would consider it." Stephen replies flatly.

"Answer the question babe."

The sorcerer rolls his eyes. "We ran into each other when Peter was a baby the first time."

If it were a physical analogy, a lightbulb would have lit above Peter's head, and he sits up at the memory in excitement. "You're the lady from the store! Ow!" Peter winces at the pain that stabs his side and Tony pushes him back down after raising the head if the bed.

"Easy Underoos. Even your enhanced healing hasn't kicked in yet."

"You remember me?" Christine asks.

"Yeah. Mom ratted me out."

"You can trust her." Stephen sighs. "Besides, you were hanging onto me by your fingertips. I had to explain."

They all conversed for another twenty minutes until Peter's eyelids started to droop and the teen snaps them back open every few minutes. Tony snickers at Peter's growing failure to keep his eyes open, and looks over at Stephen.

"The baby needs a nap."

"Not a...baby..." Peter mumbles.

Christine gently pats Stephen's shoulder. "I need to get back to work anyway. I'll get him released to you guys and you should be able to take him home tonight."

"How does that sound Petey-pie?" Tony asks. "Rather be at the med-bay? Bruce and Mama Bear will take care of you."

Peter nods sluggishly. "Wanna go home."

Christine sniggers. "Mama Bear?"

Stephen groans and Peter smiles as he finally drops off into sleep again.

___________________

When the teen wakes up again, it was to the familiar sound of a heart monitor, but his surroundings were different. He recognized where he was right away though. He was in the med-bay, the tv was playing some show he didn't recognize, and when he looked to his left, he found Tony sitting in a chair working on a Starkpad. Bruce and Stephen were nowhere to be found.

"What time is it?" Peter croaks out.

Tony looks up from his tablet and immediately stands to grab a nearby glass of water and hands it to Peter. "Slowly." The teens fights the urge to drain the glass in gulps once he realizes how thirsty he is and looks up at his father as he waits for an answer. "It's early bud. You just missed Mom. It's my shift."

Peter relinquishes the empty glass to Tony who sets it aside. "How long do I have to be here?"

"Bruce says your healing factor is doing it's job so you can probably go back upstairs as early as tomorrow morning."

"Ugh. Still sucks."

"How are feeling?" The billionaire asks softly.

"A lot better than yesterday."

"Good. Wanna tell me why I found your nanotech on your desk in your room?"

Peter shrugs. "Something got loose so I was fixing it. I forgot to put it back on because dinner was ready."

Tony studies him carefully but seems to accept the explanation."...alright. Think you could eat something?"

"I would drink DUM-E's oil smoothies."

"Yeah...let's get you something a little healthier than that."

Tony hands him the remote before leaving the room to get Peter something to eat and the teen puts on a movie. He could use a laugh after what he went through but he was afraid laughing was going to hurt so opted to at least put on a comedy he had seen before. Once the movie starts, he settles back into his pillow and happens to look to the other side of his bed and nearly screams when he finds Stephen's astral form floating by the bed.

"HOLY CRAP! DON'T DO THAT!" Peter shouts and Stephen winces.

"Sorry cub. I was just going to pop in and check on you one more time before I fell asleep. I didn't think you would be awake."

Peter holds his hand against his racing heart, the monitor beside his bed beeping in sync. "Jeez, you didn't have to show yourself. I'm okay. You can sleep."

Stephen smiles. "Don't make me send Levi to smack you for sassing me."

"I'm already miserable."

"I'll be in later." The sorcerer chuckles as he disappears.

Peter sighs and returns his attention to his movie, and Tony returns after another ten minutes with a few sandwiches stacked on a plate for the both of them, and sits in his chair. The engineer sets the plate just out of the teens reach and instead hands the boy one.

"I don't want you eating too much and making yourself sick."

"Can you tell Mom not to appear out of nowhere when he astral projects?" Peter asks Tony as he takes a bite and swallows it. "I almost had a heart attack to add to the appendicitis."

"Trust me bud. I've tried. He pulls that shit when I'm in the lab. As of last night, he's almost given me three heart attacks."

"You are old enough for them." Peter whispers.

"Just for that, you don't get a molten lava cake."

"Oh come on! I'm kidding!"

#tony stark #ironstrange #peter parker #mama bear stephen strange #supremefamily #christine palmer

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 5 years

Text

DOTW 36 - little update

Levi had two days off work after the New Years party. His alpha had been sweet and attentive, not leaving his side after the spent all of New Year's Day in bed. Since telling Levi what he could, he felt better about being sexually intimate with his boyfriend. Levi didn't find him dirty, or hate him. He accepted him and all his bad sides. Having spent all his time with Levi, and Titan once the fat cat had realised they weren't going to be having sex nonstop, he was slightly disappointed when the time came for Levi to return to work. Levi hadn't seemed too happy about leaving either, Eren having to playfully push him out the door. The problem was, that now Levi was gone, Eren really didn't want to do anything. He knew Levi wouldn't mind if he didn't, but he did... and besides, he'd been sitting idle for too long. Seeing Erwin and Levi working hard at the New Year's party only confirmed the fact that he really wanted to do something more with his life. He loved Levi, and everything he did for him, but it was time he started looking for a job and a way to contribute to their small household. Stooping down to scoop Titan up, the cat tried to escape his hold, before giving up within seconds. Dropping down on the sofa, he stood Titan up on his legs, blowing a raspberry against his belly "Titan, what do you think I should do? I'm not as smart or confident as Levi, and I didn't even go to high school. I can barely do maths and even though I know more words now, but that's only because Levi taught me... and now I'm asking a cat for advice... you're so lucky..." Letting out a rowr, Titan wasn't supplying him anything helpful. Lowering him, he cuddled him up to his chest "I think you need a bath, Mister Titan... I'm going to give you a bath, and then we'll dry you down and make you look all handsome. You're not even going to recognise yourself in the mirror... but first, I need to put the washing on" With the washing on, and Titan in the bathtub, Eren was covered in soap when he heard the apartment door open "Levi?!" "No! Sorry, it's just me!" Appearing in the bathroom doorway, Hanji was munching down a thick cream donut "What are you doing?" "Giving Titan a bath. His fur is so thick that all sorts of things get tangled up in it... Levi didn't say you were coming around today" "Levi didn't know. Anyway... my Maternity leave has finally come through, and I need a partner in crime" "Aren't you in the process of growing one?" Hanji laughed, cream dropping down between her boobs. Trying to clean it up, she only made things worse "Put the donut down and use some toilet paper" "Did you just tell a pregnant woman not to eat?! How could you?" "Easily. And what do you need help with?" "Well... you don't have to say yes... but I really, really need you" "I doubt you really need me" "But I do! Moblit's parents are flying in. I don't know why, I've still got ages before she comes" "She? You're having a girl?" "Oops. You totally didn't hear that from me. Moblit wants to keep it a secret. His mother is like, soooo traditional with names, so we told her we're waiting. Anywhoooo... I need your help cleaning the house. I can't get all the way down, and we both know I'm horrible at cleaning" "You want me to clean?" "Please! Our house never looked as good as it did when you did... and you haven't met Moblit's mother... she's like... organised. One of those people who are on top of everything. She's honestly terrifying" Eren laughed, starting to wash the oatmeal soap from Titan's fur "I don't have a job anymore, so if you're really ok with me, I don't mind" "You are a life saver! We also need to figure out the nursery. Moblit and I have ordered everything, but he's always so busy with work" "You do know Levi just had two days off. You could have called" "I messaged him for New Years and he told me to fuck off because he was busy" "Ohh... kind of. We were being lazy... and I think my phone might still be in Levi's work jacket" "Erwin said you went to work with them, how was that?" "Ugh... I think I got drugged or something. There was no way I was drunk off rum, and I got like really happy. Then I got stuck in the toilet and had a melt down. Levi had to come get me" "I heard it was a party for a pop idol" "It was awful. I mean, we both know I can't sing, and he was bad... but watching Erwin and Levi deal with all the drunk people. I don't know how any of you guys do it for a job" "You get used to it pretty quickly" "It was still insane... I want to get a job, and Levi said I could, but I have no idea what I can do other than dancing" "Then why not get a job as a dancer" "I don't think Levi would like it" He'd gotten jealous when he'd tried to dance for him before, and with Levi being the most important person in his life, he wanted to respect his alpha "You can come clean for us any time you want to" "Thanks Hanji... but I want a real job" "Fiiine. Anyway, how much longer are you going to be?" "I need to blow dry Titan off, or he'll be trailing water everywhere" "Then it's time for this fat duck to waddle back to the sofa. I'll let Levi know I'm borrowing you" So much for cleaning the apartment. Still... helping Hanji was the least he could do to pay her back for everything, and for Christmas "Ok. I need to have a shower and get changed too... just so you know" "Then it's a good thing I've got another 6 donuts with my name on them" * Hanji's place was chaos, and Eren could see why she needed help. Deciding that the living room was the place to start, he grounded the woman, not wanting to risk Hanji tripping while he cleaned. Setting her up with snacks and water, he started by taking the curtains down first, opening all the windows he could to air the house. Hanji had picked him up around 8, which was early to some, but he'd found himself easily adapting to Levi's weird hours, so he'd already been up for two hours before she arrived. Working hard until lunch time, he rearranged her pantry, making her a shopping list of everything she was out of. The fridge was sadly lacking in the fruit and vegetable situation, and the freezer nearly empty. He had no idea if she'd be able to read his messy writing. Out of everything he'd learned, his writing was the worst. Levi had assured him that it was fine, because everything was done on phones or computers these days, but it wasn't fine to him. He just didn't know how to go about improving it. Taking his list into Hanji, Hanji sat up with a groan "What's the damage?" "The damage?" "I heard you in the kitchen. Moblit and I have been so swamped, we haven't been food shopping in... since you and I went" "Um... you need a lot of stuff... I don't know if you can read this" Passing the list to Hanji, she pulled a face at it "Why don't we just go shopping?" "What? I thought you wanted me to clean" "I dooooo. Buuuut you're so much better at this than I am. I don't know how we managed to survive so long before you came along" "Now you're being dramatic" "I'm allowed to be dramatic. Anyway, we should definitely go shopping. I just need to go pee again, then we can go" "Do you need anything for the bathrooms?" "Probably. I have no idea" Eren rolled his eyes, reaching down, he pulled Hanji to her feet "I'll check the guest bathroom, I assume that's the one they'll be using" "Mostly, but Moblit comes from a big family. There is like nooo privacy" "Then whatever we get for the guest bathroom, we'll get for your bathroom too" "See. You're so smart" "Not really. You're the doctor" "My head's filled with medical crap. I suppose being home, I'll learn all this" "I only know this stuff because of Levi and Zeke..." Frowning at his brother's name, he was flooded with thoughts he didn't want. He'd been so loved up with Levi, that his brother had been pushed to the back of him mind... and completely from it. The moment he realised that, his stomach knotted. Zeke wouldn't have been very happy with anything he'd done lately... especially not for spending New Year's Day having sex with Levi, and napping in his boyfriend's arms. Letting Levi love and pamper him. The first time had been felt so right and sweet at the same time. The second time had killed off the last of his remaining brain cells and left him a wreck, while the third... he couldn't help but want more, having his alpha mount from behind while the cuddled, it helped to erase the memories of those other alphas who'd held him... drowning himself in the love of his boyfriend, he'd honestly felt happy. And relieved. Even if he had to cling to Levi when he came down from his high, his boyfriend hadn't made a big deal out of it "Eren" Startled by Hanji clicking her fingers in his face, he reached up and rubbed at his face "I'm here. Sorry. I completely zoned out" "I noticed. Are you ok?" "Yeah. Yeah. I'm ok. I was just thinking about Levi" "Ooooh. What about him?" "It's nothing. If we're going, we should go now. That way the dining room curtains will be ready when we get home" "I love it when you get bossy! You're so cute" "I'm like 6foot tall. I don't know if I can be cute" "You are. Anyway, I can hear sweet and sour pork calling my name" "That's the real reason you want to go food shopping, isn't it?" "Yep. I mean... yep" Eren rolled his eyes. Hanji had been eating all day, how could she possibly still be hungry?! * The sheer amount of food Hanji ate was insane. He'd thought Marco had eaten lots during his pregnancy, but Hanji put him to shame. Even when they moved to begin food shopping, Eren had to push the trolley because Hanji was eating her third lot of friend rice. With a mouth full of food, she mumbled out to buy anything he thought they needed. He'd never had free reign like this before, yet it definitely felt more like a chore. He couldn't talk to Hanji, which meant his anxieties were sky high. There were too many people and hadn't even planned on leaving the house, let alone food shopping. He wasn't dressed to be out in public. He was still wearing sweats and an oversized shirt. Not to mention his hair was a mess. Wandering the isles, he suddenly felt full of panic. Stumbling to a stop, Hanji didn't even notice, ambling on in front of him while Eren whipped around. Standing at the end of the isle, Reiner was staring right at him. Nausea rushed to fill every fibre of him. Dropping down to a crouch, his chest tightened, his hand covering his mouth so he didn't throw up across the floor. Why now? And why here? Giving him a small wave, Reiner walked on, as if nothing happened. As tears filled his eyes, Hanji finally noticed he wasn't by her side "Eren!" He cringed at the way she yelled his name, flinching as she came to his side. Reiner hadn't even fucking done anything and here he was, having a tucking melt down. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't remember any of the tips that Krista and Levi had taught him, about grounding himself and how to breathe through these attacks. Reiner... he was warning him. Warning him that he wasn't safe. No matter where they were, they could find them... "Eren, hey. Hey, it's Hanji. You're ok. You need to breathe through this for me, ok... take a deep breath in for me" He couldn't breathe. It was the horrible feeling like when you can't breathe before vomiting. He didn't want to throw up here. In front of everyone. Not when he was already causing a scene "Eren?" "Ma'am, do you need help?" "No, I'm a doctor. I've got this" Now strangers were laughing at him... "Here, sit down properly" He felt like a fucking moron sitting on the floor. Hanji sat down and took his hand "Breathe with me..." He shook his head, if he could breathe, he wouldn't be having a breakdown. When Hanji put something to his ear, he jumped "Eren, can you hear me?" He whined at Levi's voice. This was Levi's first day back... and he was pulling this shit "I know. Hanji told me you got a bit rattled. It's ok. Whatever it is, it's ok. We can deal with this together. But first, you need to take your hand away from your mouth. You're not going to vomit, you just need to breathe with me" Where Hanji couldn't get through to him, he found himself listening to Levi. His hand moving from his mouth without him thinking about it, his alpha then having breathe in through his nose and out through his mouth. The whole time, Levi stayed on the line with him, reassuring him until he could finally actually take a breath on his own. Raising his eyes to Hanji, Hanji smiled at him "Welcome back" "S-sorry" "It's fine. I need to sit anyway" Hanji pulled her phone back, talking to Levi before ending the call "Ok. Are you ready to move?" Nodding, he and Hanji both awkwardly helped each other up, Hanji pulling him into a sideways hug because of her belly "Do you want to go home? Or do you want to finish up here?" Home. He wanted to go home and hide under every single blanket he and Levi owned... but... but he was supposed to be helping Hanji. Hanji needed his help... and Reiner would be long gone by now... he probably only stayed long enough for Eren to make a fool of himself "F-finish" He still felt sick to his stomach. It kept rolling, as he threw up a little in his mouth "Ok. I've got your list right here, and we'll just wing it with all the bathroom stuff. Levi's going to pick you up on the way home, so I think once we get back home, movies and chocolate are in order" Nodding like an idiot, he clung to Hanji as much as she clung to him. Every time someone whispered or said something, she just talked louder. He just wanted to go home... but somehow he and Hanji managed to finish shopping, and even managed to pay and make it to the car in one piece. He tried his hardest not to vomit, but sinking into the passenger seat of Hanji's sedan, the relief he felt at not being inside, with everyone around, hit him. Hanji saw it coming, pushing a disposable vomit bag into his hands as he hurled. He thought he was ok... he thought he was ok because he had Levi. He thought he was ready to work again, or at least try. He definitely wasn't, and he was stupid for thinking so. * Eren was sleeping next to Hanji when Levi let himself in. Hanji had left the door unlocked, explaining that Eren was pretty wiped out from everything that happened. When she'd said she was borrowing Eren, she hadn't expected her to take him shopping. Slipping out from under Eren, Hanji slid a pillow into her spot, Eren so out of it he didn't stir. Beckoning him to follow, Hanji lead him into the kitchen "Sorry, I just got him to sleep" "What happened?" Hanji sighed, walking over to the pantry door and opening it. Inside was thing of beauty. Every shelf had been wiped down. The cans were stacked by expiration date, and each cereal container labeled. Eren's handwriting might not be great, but he'd really tried "What happened?" "Eren happened. He was spacey when he got into the car, then we got home, he snapped and went a little crazy" "Did he say what happened?" "No. One minute he was right beside me, and the next he was having a panic attack in the middle of the isle" "And he was ok, before then?" "Yeah. He did the living room, and cleaned through the dining room. Made a list of everything we needed. Washed the curtains. He seemed ok. He was giving Titan a bath when I picked him up" "Did you try to make him rest?" "Yes, but he just kept cleaning. I don't think he wanted to think about whatever it was that set him off" "He did a good job" "Stop deflecting. You know you need to ask him about today. This. I mean, it looks incredible, but this was him not dealing with whatever it was that upset him" "I've just gotten off work. I've literally just walked through the door, and found him sleeping. He tends to get anxious in crowds, so that might have been what triggered the attack. Once he gets an idea in his head, it's hard to convince him otherwise" "Levi!" Hanji growled his name, from the sofa Eren let out a whimper. Pausing a few moments to make sure he wasn't waking, Levi sighed "Look. I'm going to talk to him. Of course I am. Right now, he needs to sleep or I won't be able to get him to eat anything later" "He probably won't want to eat. He ended up throwing up when we got back to the car" "So he's got nothing in his stomach?" "Nope" Levi sighed again "Right. I'll make dinner tonight. Don't expect much. What have you got?" "Like everything. Even vegetables I've never seen before. Eren made me do a full shop. While we were having lunch, he offered to make a few meals in between cleaning. Don't give me that glare, I'm going to pay him for it all. Did you know he wanted a job?" "You better pay him fairly. And yes. I told him we'd talk about it, but I didn't think he was ready yet. He's getting better, in every way, but after Christmas Day... I thought he could use more time" "Well, I'm happy to hire him. Moblit's mother gets here in little over a week" "How can you possibly be scared of her, still?" "Because Moblit was always her favourite. I don't know how to be a responsible adult and do the things. I had the same conversation with Eren" "You should still learn to take care of yourself, especially with a baby coming" "I know... my maternity leave has started, I just need a little help getting things back under control. And honestly, maybe it's good having Eren come here and clean. It gives him something do, and he earns a little money for himself" "I didn't say it wasn't a good thing. I just said that you should learn these things for yourself. Now, get out of the kitchen while I figure out what's going on here" Moblit came home while Levi was attempting a beef, vegetable and pasta dish he'd found in the first cookbook he'd grabbed from the shelf. Hanji promptly hushed her husband, as he joined her on the other side of the bench "Levi, Hanji didn't say you'd be stopping by for dinner. Or rather, making dinner? Does this have anything to do with why Eren's sleeping on the sofa?" "Well, you know how I picked him up, he had a panic attack when we went shopping" "You went shopping?" "Yep. Eren made a list of everything we needed, and I had a craving for some good Chinese food" "You're supposed to be resting" "Moblit, there are plenty of pregnant women walking around right up to the moment they go into labour, and even then. It was just a little shopping. Anyway, I had Eren with me" "Who had a panic attack" Levi didn't appreciate Moblit's tone. The man didn't mean anything in particular, speaking out of concern for his wife, yet he couldn't help but be angry. Eren couldn't control these things "It was fine. I called Levi and Levi got him to calm down. We finished shopping and then came back home where Eren cleaned the pantry" "He kept cleaning" "You know, I think I've heard all of this before. Dinner's still going to be a little while longer. Moblit, why don't you go take a shower. Hanji, go make sure Eren doesn't wake up alone and scared" "I think I can do that. I might just crawl onto the sofa and sleep with him" Turning to look over his shoulder, Levi raised an eyebrow at Hanji's phrasing "You can't seriously be jealous" "I'm not jealous. I just don't want him waking up because you want cuddles" Moblit snorted, while Hanji giggled "He's so jealous" "Leave them alone. He's happy with Eren. Besides, he might not let you borrow Eren again" "Noooo. We need him. Your mum is just too scary" "That she is. Levi's right. I'm going to take a shower. You go sit down" With dinner in the oven, and the dishwasher washing the mess from the prep away, Levi headed into the living room. Hanji was playing on her phone, while Eren had stretched out the entire length of the sofa. Reaching down Levi lifted him up gently, just enough so he could claim the corner of the sofa and lower him back down. Mumbling sleepily, Eren groped around for his hand, finally finding it, Levi interlaced their fingers "Levi? Home?" "Not just yet. Sleep a little longer" "Missed you" Nuzzling into his leg, Eren hummed softly. His boyfriend back to sleep without waking properly. Letting Eren get an extra half hour sleep, Moblit served dinner. Waking his sleeping omega, Eren blinked at up him, before freeing his hand and wrapping his arms around him "Hey, brat. Did you miss me?" Eren nodded, climbing up into his lap "Y-yeah" "It's all over now, you're ok" "I don't feel good" "Moblit's made us dinner, it's time to eat" "I don't know if I can keep it down" "It's ok. Just try and eat a little bit for me. We can go home after the dishes are done" "But... I was suppose to clean" Levi laughed softly "You can come back and clean all you want, but for now, it's dinner time" Eren didn't make any motions of moving. Lifting his boyfriend as he stood, Eren groaned "Yes, yes. You've had a long day" "Longest without you" Eren was too fucking pure. Carrying him to the dinner table, Moblit pulled Eren's chair out for him, Levi sitting him down and dropping a kiss atop his hair "You don't have to eat it all, but I would like you to try" Eren ate slowly, keeping his eyes down and not joining in with the conversation around him. Under the table, Hanji kept kicking him in the shin, urging him to ask Eren what had happened. It wasn't happening. Eren wasn't ready to be probed about it all. So, by the time they finished eating Levi's shin was bruised and Hanji had a bruised shin of her own. He didn't feel particularly guilty over returning the favour, not when Eren's mental health was the issue. His omega had an appointment with Krista coming up in little over a week, so even if he couldn't get anything out of Eren right away, hopefully Krista could. * Eren was exhausted from his panic attack and then his meltdown at Hanji's. He'd thrown himself into cleaning, because that was what Levi said worked for him. Reiner's cold smile wouldn't leave his mind. He'd scrubbed and scrubbed, he'd cleaned Hanji's pantry from top to bottom... so why couldn't he forget Reiner? The more he scrubbed, the more Reiner's casual form burned himself into his mind. Why was he here in Shinganshima? And why had he let himself be seen? Fuck. Just thinking about it made him feel even sicker. His stomach really wouldn't calm at all. He couldn't keep food down, even when he'd tried to eat for Levi. He had no idea how he'd managed to fall asleep at Hanji's, not when cuddling up in Levi's arms hadn't helped to soothe him. His alpha had even Levi rubbed his stomach for him, but that didn't help. He was just so fucking scared that everything was going to come crashing down. His paranoia was so fucking bad that he couldn't even go into his own room... living in the few clothes that had been in the wash, and Levi's shirts. Before entering each room of the apartment, he had to make sure the lights were on and no one was there. With Levi at work, Eren obediently went to Hanji's. Levi didn't want to leave him home alone. His boyfriend stressed it would be good for him to get out the apartment, but Eren was sure it was because his boyfriend thought he was mental and needed a babysitter, in case he tried to throw himself off the balcony again, or whatever. It took three full days of work to get things sorted at Hanji's, and to clean out the study. Everything from the study was relocated to end of the dining area, Moblit helping when he could, though Eren assured him he didn't need it. The washing machine had run nearly nonstop, it felt like every single item that was washable had been washed. The study had been stripped, so the walls could be painted, after being sugar soaped. Which had taken almost all fucking day. If it'd just fallen to Eren on his own, the nursery would barely be done by the time Moblit's parents flew in... but with the help of Erwin and Levi, they managed to repaint the room in a day. He didn't know why I left him feeling even more off about everything. He'd worked hard to clean it to the state where it could be painted... only for Levi and Erwin to finish the job. He was left with a kind of nagging irritation. Maybe it was because he didn't get to do everything himself? It felt as if he had failed. Though Hanji's excited squealing and happiness should had cut through all self conscious shit he was feeling... but... it didn't. The fact it didn't, left him feeling worse. Wearing a fake smile, he lied and said he was tired when Levi pulled him up on it. He was kind of tired, well, more like exhausted. He wasn't doing ok, and was scared that if he opened up to Levi, even just a little, it would result in his lover's death. At this point the only person he felt he could say anything to was Krista because she was legally not allowed to say anything to anyone. She alone knew the burden of the past he'd tried to leave behind... he wouldn't name names, but being able to admit he'd seen someone from his past who'd ruined his life, he selfishly wanted to spill. To relieve some of the strain he'd been placing on Levi's shoulders... and the strain he knew was bleeding into their relationship. That night, atop of the roof at the party, under the glowing lights of the fireworks, he'd sworn with a New Year, it would bring a new him. At the time he hadn't realised he may have been high, but he'd sworn to himself he would do, and he would be, better for both his and Levi's sake. Returning from Hanji's after putting the nursery together, Eren scrubbed his face. He just wanted to sleep. He wanted to cuddle Levi and he wanted to sleep. Picking Titan up from the sofa, he buried his face in the cats soft fur. Tomorrow would be his first day alone since all this shit began. Maybe tomorrow he could finally find a way to find some peace from his own mind "Eren?" "I'm ok..." "You know, you can talk to me. Don't you?" "I know..." He silently begged Levi not to do this. Not when the walls he'd built were crumbling down, and the stones he was cramming into the places didn't fit properly at all "I want to be here for you, but right now, I don't know how" Placing Titan down, he turned and rushed to Levi. Burying his face against his neck, he started to cry "Tell me what's wrong?" Maybe a small... tiny part of the past... would ok? He couldn't help but feel the need to say something. Levi's scent still smelt as wonderfully safe as the first time he'd smelt it "I... saw something... that reminded me of the past and I can't get it out of my head" "Something you can't tell me? For my safety?" He didn't like the imagined anger in Levi's voice, yet he nodded "Ok... it's ok. I'm here. Do you maybe want to take a bath together? I know you've been hiding how sick you've been feeling. It's the stress of keeping all of this inside. We can take a bath, and watch a movie together?" Levi wasn't always good at knowing what to do or say. That's what his boyfriend had told him at the very beginning before all this started. So why was it everything he did, made him feel so loved? Even when he was sure he didn't deserve it "Thank you... I'm sorry. I tried to..." "You were hurting and you found the strength to keep going. To help a friend who was in need. Mental illness is not something to be ashamed of, nor does it make you weak. Being able to get out of bed, and to get things done and even leaving the apartment. It makes you strong. You are strong" "You're the strong one" "Even strong people feel a little weak at times. Just like everything else, we'll get through this together" "I... was thinking about when you told me you were no good with words. Levi, your words make me the happiest" "You make it easy... even with those I called my family. You. You understand me" "You're not that complicated an alpha" Reaching up, he stroked Levi's right cheek lovingly "Let's take that bath together" Nearly asleep in Levi's arms, they laid in the vanilla scented bubbles until the water started to turn cold. Letting Levi take care of him, his alpha dried him and dressed him for bed, giving him a sedative to help him sleep. He didn't want to sleep, but knew his body needed it. * Levi woke him for breakfast, before letting him fall back to sleep. It nearly lunch time when he woke again, the near dreamless sleep left him feeling better than he had all week. Climbing from Levi's bed, he carried Titan with him, not wanting to lose the the warmth the cat provided, especially when outside looked so stormy. Heading into the kitchen, he smiled at the gladwrapped meal Levi had left him for breakfast. A thick stack of chocolate chip pancakes, that tasted good even when cold. With time to spare, he carried Titan and his breakfast over to the sofa, dropping Titan down before he sat. Jumping off the sofa, Titan went running towards the bathroom, going for his litter box. It felt nice to know that Titan had stayed with him, even if he needed to go to the toilet. Picking up the remote, he turned the TV on, leaving it on whatever came up on the screen. It was more for the background noise that he wanted it on. Eating his pancakes, he ate more than he had all week, his stomach not happy about it, but he didn't have the urge to throw it all back up. That was something. Having spent the last week feeling useful at Hanji's, he was a kind of bone numbingly bored. He didn't want to get up and do anything... yet he forced himself up. He hadn't tackled his room, and without Levi home, now was really the best time. If he fell apart over something, Levi wouldn't have to pick up the pieces. Levi said he was strong, and now was the time to prove that he was. Opening his bedroom door, he wrinkled his nose at the scents in his room. Dust hung in the air, something not normal at all in their apartment. Everything needed washing. His blankets included. He also really needed to sort his clothes out. Levi was accomodating enough to let him hang some of his clothes in his wardrobe, but he was tired of wearing the same thing every day. With a heavy sigh, he opened his wardrobe, a strange scent he vaguely knew but couldn't place, was coming from the bottom, where his clothes were slantedily stacked. Lifting up the worst stacked pile, he frowned at the white bund hidden at the back. He knew better than to bundle things up. Levi had taught him better. Zeke had taught him better. He'd shown a Hanji's he knew better. Snatching the bundle up, something fell to the floor, but his attention was on the white fabric. Freed from being buried in his scent, his eyes watered as he shoved it in his face. Zeke. It smelt of Zeke. He'd thought he'd forgotten it. After all, all he had left of his brother were a few hairs in an envelope. Breathing Zeke in, he fell back on his arse. He missed him. He missed him so fucking much. How was this here? If Levi had somehow gotten his hands on something of Zeke's, his boyfriend would have told him. Not hidden it away in his wardrobe like a dirty secret. Lowering the shirt down, his eyes were teary. Searching the floor for what had fallen, his breath caught as his eyes found it. A black plastic bag, like the kind used for garbage. Placing the shirt down in his lap, his hands shook as he snatched up the bag. He had a really bad feeling about it. About what was inside. He felt like his instincts were screaming at him not to open it... but the desire to know what was inside won out. Pulling the top open, he shook the contents out. First a phone. Zeke's phone. It's green battered cover unmistakable. This shouldn't be here... Zeke never parted with his phone... and Eren had never been allowed to touch it. Shaking harder, he screamed. Clamping a had to his mouth to silence himself. A knife. A bloodied kitchen knife that he also knew. The blood had long since dried, and the handle had been cleaned down... the last time he'd seen this knife, it was being plunged into his brother. They knew. Reiner came back because he knew he was wavering. He knew he wanted to confess the rest of his sins to Levi and this... this was an open warning. They could get to them. They could get to Levi and to Titan, any time they wanted... and him... his fingerprints were on the phone. On the knife... he was the one who'd survived... in the early days after the attack, Hanji had told him it'd just been him and Zeke there... the police had basically dropped the case, but if they found the knife... he... he'd be to blame. No one would believe he found it in the bottom of his wardrobe. Wrapping the knife back up, with the shirt around it, he kept the phone out. He had to hide all of this from Levi. Levi would want to tell the police. Levi would be practical about it all. He'd say he'd protect him... but what about their friends? He'd dragged them all into this and now their lives were in his hands. With a still racing heart, he hid the black bag under the bottom drawer of his bedside table. It didn't matter if the drawer wouldn't open. He didn't want the thing in the house as it was. He didn't need Levi or anyone finding it... If he couldn't see it, it wouldn't be in his thoughts... of course, he knew it wouldn't work that way... but what else could he do? He didn't know what came next. Home wasn't safe... Levi's job was dangerous enough. He never knew what each day meant, and his apartment was his... Eren didn't know the word for it. It was his escape. If he told Levi it wasn't safe for him to be here, his boyfriend would worry non-stop... and pull everyone into this mess... Grabbing Zeke's phone off the floor. He didn't know what to do with that. He could easily lie and say someone had given it to him... but that would have had to have been while he was in hospital, and Levi knew he hadn't had it then. He could say it was left outside their door, but that was dangerously close to an admitting the apartment wasn't safe... buuut... Levi knew they knew who all of them were. Maybe he could say it was left outside the door? Or maybe he could leave it outside the door for Levi to find. Say he hadn't heard anything? He should have put it in with the knife and the shirt, but there could be photos of his brother on there. It was the photo album all over again... fuck. He was so overwhelmed. He didn't want the phone to disappear. The knife could... even the shirt... but not the phone. With so many doubts, his mind went to Levi. He hadn't heard anything from him since he started his shift. His alpha had found his phone in his work jacket and charged it for him. Every night he placed it on charge with his own... but he hadn't heard it today. What if Levi wasn't coming home. What if it was Levi's blood on that knife? Hyperventilating, his knees gave out. With the grace of a newborn foal, he struggled back to his feet, stumbling as he used the walls for support. Making it to Levi's room, he grabbed up his phone. Clumsy as he hit the home button. No new messages from Levi... * Levi had not had a great day at work, and Erwin was a fucking arsehole. With the continual drizzle from the grey skies, that refused to get over its self and turn into an actual downpour, they'd been called out to three seperate accidents across the city. That would have been fine. They weren't serious. Just minor prangs. He could deal with dreary weather and pissy patients. What he couldn't deal with was wet curbs, apparently. He fucking face-planted. Erwin had pushed him as a joke and he'd face-planted. What kind of alpha breaks his wrist from being pushed?! Two fucking shitty hairline fractures and a stupid cast. He was definitely getting old, which Erwin and Mike laughed way too much over. He hadn't thought it much more then a grazed palm through his gloves and a slight blow to his ego, until he'd gone to pick up his kit and that turned into a big fat no. At least Hanji hadn't been there to laugh in his face... Erwin had apologised once they realised it wasn't just a sprain, but Levi was sure it didn't warrant his friend treating him like a total invalid. His hand was just in a cast, that he didn't think he needed, and Eren would be there to help with everything. Letting them into his apartment, Levi sighed heavily. It was so good to finally be home "Where's Eren?" "Probably asleep. He was when I left" "He seemed off when we were at Hanji's" "Yeah. He's got an appointment with Krista tomorrow. I suppose it was time to start giving him driving lessons" "You're going to give him driving lessons?" Levi furrowed his brow "Why wouldn't I?" "What if he has a panic attack?" "Then we pull over and deal with it. He'll be fine. Besides, I'm not going to make him go driving in the rain" "Then I suppose I'm staying the night the forecast said it should worsen overnight" Levi wasn't sure Eren would be happy about Erwin staying, but if tomorrow was stormy, they would need a lift to Eren's appointment "Whatever. Just order pizza or something easy to eat. I'm going to see if Eren's awake, then I need a hot shower" Heading into their bedroom, Levi swore. Eren was slumped unconscious by their bed. The omega had thrown up, his head resting in a pool of sick, while a sweet smell wafted up, the smell Eren got during his weird half heats. Instead of the usual arousal he felt, he felt fear. With his stupid hand in the cast, he couldn't lift his lover from the floor "Erwin!" He hated the idea of another alpha touching his vulnerable omega "Shit, I've got him" Brushing past him, Erwin knelt down, his fingers going to Eren's throat "His pulse is steady, and he's breathing on his own" Opening Eren's mouth, Erwin used to two fingers to check for vomit "Mouth's clear. I think he's worked himself into a panic, thrown up then passed out. He feels warm to the touch, and smells... vaguely sweet" "He's in heat" "He doesn't smell like it" "You know he gets these weird heats when he's stressed..." "I'll get him into the bath, are you able to take it from there?" "Well I'm not letting you touch him" Erwin sighed, lifting Eren into his hold. From the look of his arms, his mate hadn't hurt himself, which was a big milestone for his boyfriend. Or so he thought. He couldn't stand the idea of his beautiful omega receiving any more scars on his perfect skin.

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ronniesshoes · 6 years

Text

Keep Yourself Alive

Hands occupied with two steaming cups of to-go coffee, he escapes the London drizzle by nudging the door to the second-hand bookstore open with his shoulder. At the sound of the bell above the door, the store owner appears from the back room, but upon seeing him merely fixes his coffee a pointed look before disappearing again, completely ignoring Roger's dazzling smile. Not fazed, he directs it at the two other customers instead, puts down his coffees on the counter, and makes for the stairs.

He has always thought it rather creepy how the oxygen seems to leave the air the further down the stairs he goes, and by the time he has reached the foot of the staircase, he is struggling to breathe properly. The air is heavy with the smell of old books, and the single customer in the room is something of a fossil, skin paper thin and hair a wisp of cotton.

Smiling politely to the old man, Roger walks into the adjoining room, immediately spotting Brian towering high above the ground on a step ladder, slotting books into one of the cases, his back to Roger.

He is about to say something wonderfully witty about ladders and long-limbed guitarists, but Brian beats him to it.

"Give me a minute," Brian says, not turning to look at him.

Feeling somewhat deflated, Roger picks at the worn cover of a book in the bookcase next to him, slightly put out by the less than warm welcome. "How'd you know it was me?"

"I could sense your obnoxious personality long before you entered the room."

"Gee, thanks."

Brian doesn't reply, but he starts climbing carefully down the ladder, and when he turns to Roger, a smile is playing on his lips.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company, then?"

"Well I was in the area, and—"

"You were in the area," Brian interrupts, voice flat.

"Yes, picking up strings for John's bass," Roger says with patience, lifting his arm demonstratively so the plastic bag around his wrist dangles, and continues, "and I happened to remember that you didn't have time to pack a lunch this morning, and I also know that are you left to yourself, you’re going to convince yourself that it's not worth spending money on, and because you really must eat, I thought we could have lunch together!"

"I'd be flattered by the amount of care if I didn't happen to know that there quite conveniently lies a Wasabi just around the corner," Brian says, moving the ladder so it’s not blocking the bookcase.

"There does?" Roger says, feigning thoughtfulness, "that is convenient ..."

Brian snorts. "Alright then, let's go before I change my mind."

Once presented with a cup of coffee, Brian's already unusually good mood brightens, and Roger is almost feeling brave enough to ask the question he’s been dying to ask ever since Brian forgave him five days ago.

He doesn’t, though, and Brian speaks instead. “Are you going with Freddie and Deaks later?”

“No,” Roger says regretfully, “I’ve got some readings to do.”

It isn’t that he usually bothers to do more than skim the provided pre-lecture notes, but with exams just around the corner, he has decided he might as well prepare for the last lecture of the year.

“What about you?” he asks, secretly hoping that Brian stays at home as well, because otherwise he’ll have to ditch his readings. His social life is undeniably more important to him than school, and no way he is staying home reading if everybody else is out having fun.

“I think I’ll stay home as well,” Brian says, and Roger hopes the relief he feels isn’t showing too much, “been a rather busy week.”

All of Brian’s weeks are rather busy, but he usually agrees to at least one pint come the weekend. Roger glances at him, wondering if this is where he asks him if something is wrong. Then they reach Wasabi, and he can’t speak because he is downing the rest of his coffee before throwing the cup in a nearby litter bin.

Brian holds the door open for him, and as he sees the rows of sushi boxes, he promptly forgets all about the questions he wants to ask. He wants to buy everything, and pores over the boxes for what he thinks must be at least five minutes, but in the end it’s a tie between the Hana set and the Harmony set.

“Bri, I need your help,” he says, just as Brian finishes paying for his brown rice Yasai set, and holds up both boxes, “do I want the Hana set or the Harmony set? Or perhaps the Rainbow set, but it only has 14 pieces. Unless I buy the chicken yakisoba as w—where are you going? I’m speaking to you!”

“Just choose something,” Brian says, sounding bored. He has situated himself at a nearby table, and is now opening his box to begin the slow, meticulous process of spreading equal amounts of wasabi and pickled ginger on his sushi.

A bit offended, but determined not to show it, Roger turns away from Brian and walks up to pay for the Harmony set. He lingers by the snacks long enough to bore the cashier, and promises himself to stop by a Tesco later.

He sits down next to Brian. “Are you staying home tomorrow as well?”

“What’s happening tomorrow?”

“One of Tim’s friends is hosting a—you know, party thing,” he says between mouthfuls of sushi, “how can you not know this? Tim even mentioned it when he was here. Oh, and a few from Freddie’s gay crowd’s coming as well.”

“Don’t call them that,” Brian says, not for the first time.

“Thought you were looking to get laid,” he says, reaching for Brian’s soya.

“How—”

“Freddie told me. And he’s right, you’re seriously tense these days.”

“I’m not tense, I’ve just been—you know. Busy.”

“Which makes you tense.”

Brian puts down his chopsticks in favour of taking a sip of coffee. Then he watches Roger for a long moment, so long that Roger begins to feel slightly uncomfortable, and quickly shoves his last piece of sushi into his mouth instead.

“What would you do if you were in my position?” Brian asks eventually, picking up his chopsticks again.

Roger thinks the answer is pretty obvious, but says anyway, “probably cut myself some slack and not work three jobs outside school.”

“If you got an offer like mine,” Brian says with an expression that says that he thinks Roger is being difficult, “if you were to choose between going and staying.”

“I’m never gonna be in a position like that,” Roger says.

Brian gives him a look, but Roger means what he says. Brian has this whole complicated relationship with his parents, one which seems to built on guilt and expectations and love a little too fierce, and while Roger loves his parents very much, he wouldn’t let them get a say in something regarding his future. And as for school, well, he’s only doing it until the band gets on its feet.

“You know what I would do,” he says at last.

Brian picks up a piece of sushi, studies it carefully. “Right.”

“Have you talked to John about it?” Roger asks, sorry he cannot help even though he feels he should be able to, “I think he would understand. Better than Fred and I, at least.”

“Ah, no, haven’t. Want the rest of this?” Brian asks, pushing his box towards Roger.

“Thanks,” Roger says carefully, “but you’ve barely eaten anything.”

“I’m not really hungry,” Brian says, picking up his cup of coffee, “besides, I have to get back soon.”

So that's what they do. Roger eats the rest of the sushi, Brian drinks the last of his coffee, and then Brian goes back to the shop at Charing Cross Road. Roger watches his retreating back for a second, wondering why he always feels like he's missing something when he talks to Brian. Then he goes to find Freddie.

Beyond Retro is downstairs as well, but unlike the bookstore, it’s possible to breathe, and even though it smells like old clothes, it's a fairly nice store. Full of wannabe hippies, of course, but he supposes they have to buy their overpriced second-hand clothes somewhere. As soon as he steps inside, he spots Freddie behind counter, dressed in satin trousers and a flowery, embroidered jacket, and chatting to a customer in a weird, fringed cape with horses on.

"I'm out in twenty minutes, darling, if you'll wait here?" Freddie says when the customer leaves and Roger has is just about done judging everyone’s outfits.

"Sure," Roger says, about to ask if he can come to the backroom to play Candy Crush, but then Freddie steps out from behind the counter and gestures for him to follow.

They weave in and out between clothing racks, Freddie occasionally going through one at lightning speed, picking out ugly shirts and Levi's, a pair of red trousers and a velvet jacket, before he hands it all to Roger. "I want you to try this, I think it might fit you."

Roger would really much rather play Candy Crush and almost says so, but Freddie is already walking away, and so he grudgingly follows.

It's not so bad when he's in the fitting room, and he quite likes both jacket and red trousers. The Levi's fit him well, but they are expensive, and he already have several pairs back home. The shirts are not so bad on, but the colours are dull and they smell a bit weird. Roger has a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that anyone would wear this back in the 1970s, let alone now. It looks good on Freddie though, and Roger himself has a couple of things back home—gifted to him by Freddie—which he quite likes, but was he to browse the store by himself, he doesn't think he would even try something on.

"Roger?" Freddie calls a while later, when Roger has tried it all on and become distracted by his phone.

"In here."

“Don’t sit on the floor, dear,” Freddie tuts, “get up and let me see you.”

Roger does, with some difficulty, and turns around when Freddie tells him to.

"I like the jacket on you," Freddie says, looking at him critically, “not with that shirt, though. How about this one?”

Roger makes a face. “I really don’t like that one.”

“Try it with the red trousers.”

Figuring it’ll be over sooner if he just does what Freddie tells him, he strips down to his underwear, accepting trousers and shirt from Freddie.

“It’s not very professional to ogle your potential customers, is it?” Roger asks, fastening the buttons. Not that it bothers him, but he thinks Freddie could at least pretend not to look.

“Are you kidding, it’s the best part of the job,” Freddie says, in that way that makes Roger question whether he is joking or not, “it’s not the first time I’ve lured a customer into the fitting rooms.”

“Please spare me the details,” Roger says, pained.

“What do you think of this?” Freddie asks, moving out of the way so Roger can look himself in the mirror.

“It’s better,” Roger admits.

“You can also pair it with these,” Freddie says, picking up a pair of discarded Levi’s, “they’re a shade darker, it’ll look better than with the light ones.”

They finally leave the store 15 minutes later, but only after Roger has tried on every possible combination, plus a satin top and a pair of shoes which he may have fallen a little bit in love with.

"I haven't had lunch yet,” Freddie says as they step out on the street, “we can eat at Wasabi if you want?"

"If you insist," Roger says, unable to help a grin forming.

Freddie glances at him, amused. “I really don’t.”

“Aw come one, it’s been ages!”

Once inside, Roger goes straight for the Hana set, smiling widely at the cashier when he pays because he is not ashamed.

“That was fast,” Freddie says, joining him a moment later, “did you have sushi earlier?”

“No,” Roger says, letting out a little sigh of happiness.

They take the tube to Notting Hill Gate and walk the rest of the way to Portobello Road where Mary is waiting by the stand.

“You’re late,” she says, looking unhappy even as Freddie apologises and greets her with a kiss on the cheek, “I have a lecture in 40 minutes.”

They usually manage the stand alone, but other than actual vintage clothes, they also sell some of Mary’s creations, and if an emergency comes up, she will, albeit unwillingly, take over for awhile. Today Freddie had a morning shift he couldn’t get out of, and Roger a mind-numbing 8am class which he barely survived, and only because of three iced coffees and the pack of Jaffa Cakes in his bag.

“See you later,” Mary says, and it’s only when she tries to hug him goodbye that Roger realises he’s zoned out.

Not much time passes before he finds himself missing his warm, not actually yellow, snowsuit, and he looks with envy at Freddie, who is wearing very nice gloves and a new vintage fur coat. It was of course fake fur when showed to Brian, but Roger suspects it really is not. Suppressing a shiver, Roger buries his hands, red and stiff from the cold, deeper in his pockets.

“What do you want for your gloves?” he asks.

Freddie eyes him over the rim of his thermo mug. “A blowjob.”

“Freddie, come ooon.”

“Alright, give me your hands,” Freddie sighs, putting his tea down and taking off his gloves.

Eagerly, Roger does, and Freddie sandwiches them between his own for a moment before he starts massaging life back into his hands. Then two women stop by the stall, and Freddie and his nice, warm hands leave him cold and miserable once again. At least he can light a smoke now, he thinks, patting his pockets for his pack of cigarettes.

"You really shouldn't smoke near the clothes," Freddie says, once their customers have left with one of Mary's dresses.

"We're outside," he complains, but stubs it out anyway, because it’s a lousy argument and he knows it.

Freddie sits down on the folding chair and reaches for his tea. "Have you bought your Christmas presents yet?"

"Only for you and John."

"Oh?" Freddie says, a glint in his dark eyes, "what did you get us?"

"For John I bought that Yellow Submarine box set from HappySocks," Roger says, reaching for Freddie's forgotten gloves, "and for you a great, big bag of coal."

"Now that was a disappointing ending to that sentence," Freddie says, and Roger swats his shoulder with one of the gloves, "been naughty, have I?"

"When aren't you?" he says, nudging Freddie's expensive boot with the toe of his own, "what about you?"

Freddie sighs, loud and dramatic. "I have no fucking idea what to get Brian and John, to be honest."

"That super expensive chess set for John, and more books he'll never read for Brian. There."

"Chess set?" Freddie asks, an incredulous look on his face, "John plays chess?"

"Not that I know of," Roger shrugs, "no, it's that super rare, super expensive Lord of the Rings chess set he's been lusting after the past four years."

"I think not," Freddie says, cradling his mug in his lap.

Roger rolls his eyes, fondly.

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He goes straight for the shower once he gets home, hands and feet so cold it takes him a minute to undo the laces and kick off his Docs. He lets the water run hot while removing his lenses and stripping off his clothes, leaving it on the floor which is already strewn with several pairs of dirty socks and boxers, pyjama bottoms, and a jumper he recognises as John's. The water is scalding hot when he steps under the spray, but it doesn't warm him up, even when his skin turns an angry red. Shivering, he reaches for the soap, wishing for all the world that he was back home in Cornwall, taking a long bath while Mum made dinner.

He ends up standing in the shower for 20 minutes even after he has finished washing, the thought leaving the warmth of the shower not the least tempting. At last he turns off the water, does a half-hearted attempt at drying the floor with a towel, and secures another one (dry and clean) around his waist.

John is on his bed reading, earphones in and barely acknowledging him when Roger steps into the room. Stepping over one of John’s hobbit feet slippers, he passes his own empty closet and opens John's instead, not prepared to find nothing but a sock and a pair of distressingly short shorts in bright yellow.

“Uhm, John?” he says, but realises he probably can’t hear anything when the music sounding from his earphones is so loud Roger easily recognises it as ABBA. He throws the shorts at him. “John? Where are all your clothes?”

“Dirty,” John replies, having moved one earphone, “I think I have a pair of clean jeans somewhere, though. And a sock, but I was planning on wearing it myself if I can find the other.”

Roger looks back into the closet, then opens his own. It’s just as glaringly empty. “We should probably do laundry tomorrow,” he says, as much as he dreads the thought. John nods briefly and puts his earphone back in.

Beginning to feel a bit cold standing there in only a towel, Roger leaves the room in favour of raiding Freddie’s closet.

Upon entering his room, he quickly discovers that Freddie did mean it when he said he didn’t want Roger to borrow his clothes. Disbelieving, he gives the padlock on the closet doors a tug.

“Why?” he asks loudly, jumping when a windswept Brian appears in the doorway.

“Hi?” he says, red-nosed and hair a mess.

“I need you to tell me where Freddie keeps his key,” Roger urges, stretching his hands out towards Brian and almost accidentally flashing him when the towel around his waist loosens. He hastily secures it.

“I don’t know where it is,” Brian says, working a hand through his no longer close-cropped curls, “but I imagine he put a lock on for a reason. Something about you borrowing his clothes and he having to retreat it from under your bed along with dirty socks and underwear. He wasn’t happy.”

“But I need clothes! What am I gonna do tomorrow?”

“You could actually do your laundry.”

“That doesn’t help me now,” Roger says, pulling at the lock one last time before turning around to see Brian sitting cross-legged on the bed. He widens his eyes slightly, purses his lips just a little. “Unless I can borrow some of yours?”

“It’s much too large for you,” Brian says warily.

“I can borrow a pair of jeans from John. Between the two of us, we’ve got two pair of trousers, one t-shirt, and three socks, and none of them are even Christmassy.” He very badly needs John to do his laundry, because while his usual sock collection is fairly impressive, his Christmas socks are simply epic. Then because Brians looks like he needs more convincing, he gestures to the lower part of his body with a grin, “please? I'll let you have a peek?”

Brian scowls. "You're disgusting."

"What? You've chased dick since birth but you don't want to see mine?” Roger says, feigning offence, “honestly, what a kick in the balls."

Brian almost smiles at that one, but attempts to cover it by rolling his eyes. "Just take what you need and leave me alone.”

"Thanks, Bri," Roger says cheerfully, "I knew I could count on you!"

“But you have to promise to do your laundry tomorrow.”

“‘Course,” he says, having already opened Brian’s closet. It’s not as impressive as Freddie’s, who organises his clothes by colour and material, but Brian’s system is fairly neat, too ... Roger lets out a snort of laughter. “Do you actually fold your underwear?”

“What’s wrong with that?” Brian asks, as if the answer isn't obvious.

“Nothing,” Roger says, picking out an awful, brightly coloured sweater, “seriously though, this one? Where did you even get this?”

“If you’re going to insult my clothes, then feel free to leave,” Brian says, and Roger can just picture his face right now, eyes narrowed and mouth an unhappy line.

“Oh but it’s very stylish,” Roger says, putting on a pair of underwear before throwing the towel aside, “hey, wanna go shopping tomorrow?”

Brian doesn’t deign himself to answer that, and so Roger picks out a pair of almost decent and very comfy-looking pyjama bottoms, a wine red jumper that doesn’t look half bad, a shirt and a pair of underwear for John, socks, and another shirt which is most definitely Freddie’s and must have gotten there by mistake, before thanking Brian and leaving him to his readings or whatever it is he does when he is not working.

John leaves for his pub crawl with Freddie soon after, and Roger figures he might as well do his readings and get it over with. He then proceeds to procrastinate wildly for an hour or so, making the ultimate motivational playlist—Rolling Stones and Bruce Springsteen, Suzi Quatro and Aerosmith, some Blondie, and every hard-hitting, Tusk era, Lindsey Buckingham song—and playing four or five rounds of Candy Crush.

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It's only half past nine when he finishes his readings and throws himself on his bed. He would be a right sad twat to go to bed this early, but he doesn’t want to join Freddie and John when they have already been out for hours.

Deciding to see what Brian is up to, he leaves the comfort of his bed and shuffles into the kitchen. He puts on the kettle, retreats Brian's Nasa mug and one of the tall, blue glasses from the cupboard along with two boxes of tea, one Earl Grey, the other the citrussy stuff Freddie brings home from God knows where. Humming along to the faint sound of music still playing from his room, he dumps the teabags into mug and glass along with a spoonful of sugar and milk for Brian, and has put it all away again by the time the water finishes boiling.

He only realises his mistake by the time he is halfway between the kitchen and Brian’s room. With a sigh of annoyance, he stops, holding both cups as far from his face as possible, wanting to smack himself for not taking off his glasses before making tea. He feels a bit of an idiot standing like this, but he figures it’s better than entering Brian’s room with fogged up glasses and tripping over something.

When he feels fairly confident that is not going to happen, he crosses the floor and pushes down the door handle with his elbow for the second time today.

"I made you tea," he announces, kicking the door shut with his foot. Brian looks up from where he is sitting on his bed with a book, propped up by pillows against the headboard and dressed in pyjamas already, a thankful smile instantly visible on his face.

“Hold this,” he says, handing Brian both teas and climbs onto the bed, taking off his glasses and putting them on the nightstand.

"The Martian Chronicles! Oh, I loved that one," he says once he has settled and got his glass back, noticing the cover of the book Brian has put down in favour of sipping his tea.

"Yeah?" Brian says, an amused smile on his lips, "why’s that?"

“It’s science fiction, what’s not to like?”

“What an inspiring and insightful response,” Brian says, hiding his smile behind the rim of his cup.

“Ugh,” Roger says, “why do you always want an hour long talk on every book we’ve read? I liked that the characters and their actions were believable above all. I mean, what we see are only snapshots, so the author really has to make every word count, and he does—I think he describes the human race perfectly, which is both sad and a bit scary, but, well. It just moved me, I suppose. And anyway, it’s way better than Fahrenheit 451, couldn’t even finish that one.”

Brian, who up until now has listened with obvious interest and agreement, now looks so offended that Roger can’t help but laugh.

"You don't like Fahrenheit?"

Roger blows on his tea. "I don't exactly dislike it, it was just a bit disappointing, I suppose. I had such high hopes after reading this one, and it's supposed to be a classic and all that jazz,” he says, waving a hand demonstratively, “it just didn't live up to my expectations."

"I see." Brian says slowly, like he’s considering exactly how many layers of diplomacy he needs to wrap his vehement disagreement in.

“Of course it’s still relevant,” he adds hastily when Brian looks like he’s about to start on his soliloquy, pulling it out of his arse as he goes, "as we continues to dumb down education and, uh—”

“Yes?” Brian prompts, looking very amused.

“And I mean, the government are already spying on us, it’s not unlikely it’ll evolve, so. Still very much relevant.”

Brian actually laughs at that. “Good point.”

"You know," Roger says, settling more comfortably into the pillows, “you should read aloud.”

"I should, should I?"

"Yes, you've got a nice reading voice, and I've been reading all evening and I made you tea."

"A compelling argument," Brian says, picking up the book. "Any preference as to what I shall read?"

"The one with the guy who plants trees, Green Morning or something."

"All right."

As Brian starts reading, Roger puts down his tea and creeps under the covers, surprised as always by just how soft Brian's bed is, and feeling just a bit envious that him and John got the smaller room and only have room for twin beds. Then he figures it doesn’t really matter, because he is here now, and the warmth from covers and tea and the proximity of Brian's body makes him sleepy. He snuggles a bit closer to Brian, nose almost touching the thigh of his pyjamas, and it doesn't take long before he lets himself drift.

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When Roger comes to, he is almost positive that it is morning. Either that, or the angry red behind his eyelids means that someone is holding a flashlight over his face. Which regrettably wouldn’t be the first time.

Then comes a lazy drawl which Roger recognises as Brian’s, except Brian never sounds like that unless it’s weekend and he has got at least nine hours of sleep.

"Have you seen?" he says, "I've landed Roger Taylor in my bed."

Roger thinks that perhaps he should respond to that, but then John’s voice sounds, offensively flat. "What a catch."

It is possible that they keep talking after that, but if Roger is honest, he wouldn’t be able to recall a single word later. He does, however, register that the warm weight pressed against his cheek disappear, and he thinks he hears a chuckle follow his noise of protest.

Then the bed dips down again, and he snuggles closer to warm body creeping under the sheets. He is certain his name is being called, but figures it’ll stop if he ignores it.

"Roger, wake up."

Even through half-closed eyes, John doesn't look like he is feeling very well. "Did you have fun last night?" Roger asks, wincing when his voice comes out all hoarse and scratchy.

"It was all right," John says, closing his eyes, "Freddie bought me drinks, and now Bri's making me breakfast."

Roger perks up. "He is?"

"Hmm," John says, eyes still closed. "Promised to wake you."

Roger yawns. "I'm very much awake."

Now that John has mentioned it, Roger clearly hears Brian clattering around with pots and pans in the kitchen, and he wonders what he is going to make, pancakes dripping with syrup or scrambled eggs and bacon …

John appears to have fallen asleep, and Roger nudges him gently. "John?"

"Hm?"

He means to ask John if he knows what Brian is making for breakfast, but John’s eyes seem to have trouble staying open, and the risk of having his question ignored is too great. Instead he points at the poster on the opposite wall.

"Have you noticed this?" he asks, shifting a bit to left and beckoning John close again. "If you lie right here, it looks like Jimmy Page is looking you right in the eye."

“Creepy,” is John’s unenthusiastic response.

“Or titillating,” Roger hints. John lets out a snort. “If you’re into that sort of thing, I mean.”

"I doubt he’s put much thought into it," John yawns.

"Of course he has! He likes the whole—” Roger waves a hand, searching for the word, “voyeuristic thing.”

“And I suppose he told you so,” John says, looking sceptic.

"’Course not, Freddie did."

John wrinkles his nose.

"Anyway, it makes sense, doesn't it? His attraction towards Page, I mean. It's the whole narcissistic thing—you're bound to be more attracted to someone who looks like you."

"Says who?"

"It's obvious—I mean, look at Brian—he thinks Jimmy Page is the best looking guy since, well, ever. He plays guitar, he's pale and spindly and long-fingered, got that dark, curly hair, and high cheekbones. Who else do we know who looks like that? Brian!" Roger says, because it’s pretty obvious. To further prove his point, he adds, "so, like, take the four of us. If two of us were to pair up, it would most likely be Brian and Freddie, simply because they look more like the other."

"Or maybe because they are both gay," John says, an amused smile now on his face.

“Well, that too,” he admits, “but you see what I mean, don't you? That's why Debbie and I would be the perfect match."

"I’m not having this discussion with you again,” John says, getting out of bed at impressive speed considering he was mid-yawn a moment before, “she’s too old, it’s creepy.”

“I don’t want to do her now,” Roger calls after him, getting out of bed himself, “although … she is pretty fit for her age.”

“Not listening,” John says, already out of the door and with his hands coming up to cover his ears.

Roger takes off then, leaping onto an unsuspecting John’s back.

“Oh god,” John groans, before he collapses on the floor, Roger tumbling off him.

“Ow,” he says, even though John took most of the fall.

A wonderful scent wafting in from the kitchen hits his nostrils just then, and he is up in a second, about to scramble towards it when John trips him and he is back on the floor.

“You are such a pain,” John says, sounding out of breath.

“What on Earth are you two doing?”

“Er,” Roger says, “getting ready for breakfast?”

“I see,” Freddie says. He seems fresh out of the shower, and except his slightly puffy eyes, he doesn’t look like someone who has been out drinking.

“How are you not hangover?” Roger asks, shifting slightly on the cold floor, uncomfortable but not so much that he would consider getting up.

“Bananas, coconut water, and vitamin B,” says Freddie lightly, “now, if you’ll excuse me, I believe breakfast is ready.”

“I swear he makes this shit up,” Roger says when Freddie has left.

John gracelessly gets to his feet. “Coconut water has never sounded more unappealing to me than it does right now. Are you coming?”

“Right behind you,” Roger says, not moving. John leaves him then.

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After a long, indulgent breakfast, Brian leaves for work and Freddie goes back to Portobello Market, Roger promising to join him when he’s has finished doing his laundry. He figures it’ll take a couple of hours, tops, but once both laundry baskets and the chairs have been emptied and Roger has gathered another pile from under their beds, it becomes clear that it can’t possibly be done by one round. It’s also impossible to cross the room without tripping over the very large piles, something John unintentionally demonstrates when he tries to get to the door. Who knew they had this much clothing.

“Do we have to sort it into different colours?” Roger says from the safety of his bed, “what did we do the last time?”

“I don’t think there has been a last time.”

“That can’t be right, we’ve lived here for almost a year,” Roger says, but then he thinks about it, and perhaps it’s not too much of a stretch—both Freddie and John brings their laundry when they visit their mums, and if some of Roger’s clothes end up amongst it, John doesn’t mind and Freddie doesn’t notice, and their mums definitely don’t. It’s also not uncommon for them to borrow each other’s clothes, which makes it even easier to get out of laundry, because if yours have been borrowed, you demand they wash it, and if the other way around, it’s easy to slip it into the other’s hamper. Brian is the only one who actually knows how to work the washing machine and frequently gives them shit for passing it onto their mothers, but Roger did get him to do his once, so it’s not absurd to think he would do it again. True, he was absolutely piss drunk, and he still saw himself fit to rant about responsibility and adulthood, but the main point is that he did it.

“I’m pretty sure we need a separate wash for underwear,” John says, scrunching up his nose as he reaches for a pair of boxers, “but I don’t think we can fill the machine with underwear only.”

“Brian?” Roger suggests, and John throws the boxers aside and picks up his phone from the floor. He puts in on speaker, and they listen it silence until Brian picks up after fifth ring.

“Yes?” he says, sounding only mildly annoyed.

“Hi Bri,” John greets, and Roger doesn’t know how anyone could be annoyed when it’s John calling, “we need your help with laundry. So, we figured we should divide it into different piles, yes?”

“Whites, colours, blacks, and towels, linens, and underwear. Read the tags, and don’t call me while I’m at work,” Brian finishes, and the line goes dead.

“Right,” Roger says, picking up the nearest garment, “this is both black and white, which pile does it go into?”

“Freddie’s hamper?” John suggests.

When they have sorted all their clothes, Freddie’s pile, which consists of everything that doesn’t fit into the categories Brian mentioned, is almost as big as the blacks pile. Roger thinks they might have to sneak a few pieces into Brian’s as well, and maybe some under their beds.

“Alright, let’s start with blacks,” Roger says, trying to gather the whole pile in his arms. He doesn’t succeed—he always thought himself a rather colourful person, but clearly he is wrong, because there are a lot of black clothes. Or a lot in general, he supposes.

John picks up the rest and follows him to the hall where the washing machine is. It’s a big, ugly thing, and Roger feels a little faint upon seeing all the different settings.

“So, what, we just … put it in?”

“I think so,” John says, looking as much at a loss as Roger feels.

Opening the machine proves to be another problem—it appears to be stuck, even when he uses both hands, and Roger is afraid he might break it if he pulls any harder.

Then John presses a conveniently labeled ‘On/Off’ button, and Roger almost falls on his butt when it suddenly opens.

When he sends him a glare, the corners of John’s mouth lift in a smile that no doubt is supposed to communicate ‘consider this payback’.

Roger looks back on the rows of buttons. “Okay, so. Daily cotton or daily synthetics? Delicates? Don’t think we have much of that. Anti odour? That must be a good thing, right?”

John shrugs.

“This is your field! You should know how to do this. It’s electrical, right? So go … engineer it, or whatever,” Roger says, because really, if John doesn’t know, how are ordinary people supposed to?

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.”

“Then what do you suggest we do?” Roger says, not usually ready to give up after such a short amount of time, but. It’s pretty difficult stuff, this whole laundry business. “We can’t call Brian—we can call Brian! It’s practically an emergency!”

John looks like he is about to protest, but then thinks better of it. Roger has his phone out in a second.

“Hey Bri!” he greets, ignoring Brian’s less warm ‘what?’, “how’s work? You know, we’re having a bit of trouble—”

“Can’t it wait ‘til I get home?”

“But Bri, you made me promise to do laundry today, and we are both out of clothes; you can’t let us attend Tim’s friend’s thing without a stitch on.”

“I genuinely hate both of you,” Brian says. Always has trouble expressing his fondness, Brian does. Then he sighs, “all right, what’s the problem?”

“How do we start it?”

“Are your clothes in the machine?”

“Uhm,” Roger says, glancing at the clothes still on the floor from when he tried to open the door, “no?”

“That would be a start,” Brian says with thinly veiled impatience.

“All right, hold on,” Roger says, placing his phone on the washing machine before he begins filling it with clothes. He can almost hear Brian rolling his eyes.

“Am I right when I say you didn’t look at the labels even though I told you to?” Brian says when Roger has announced he is done.

Roger exchanges a sheepish glance with John. “Uh … Possibly, yes.”

“Okay, I’ll show you how to do it properly once I get home, for now you can go with Mixed. Have you filled it with detergent?”

“Uh, no, not yet,” he says, reaching for a random bottle, “but, like, do I just pour it into the drum?” he asks, puzzled. It doesn’t sound right.

John takes the bottle from him and switches it for another one labelled DARKS.

“There a small drawer in the top left corner,” Brian says, “fill the cap with detergent, pour it into the second compartment, and close it again.”

“Right,” Roger says, carefully following Brian’s instructions.

“Now turn the knob to 8 and press the start button,” Brian says, speaking quickly now, “et voilà! See you later.” And the line goes dead again.

“That wasn’t so hard!” Roger says, not able to help a grin forming.

“So you don’t mind doing the rest?” John asks as they walk back into the living room.

“Are you kidding? It’s still a lot of work.”

“If you win three rounds before the others get home, I’ll do the rest,” John says, waving a Wii remote.

Roger snatches from the coffee table and throws himself on the couch. “You’re on!”

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Many hours and a lot of laundry later, Roger fits himself into his best jeans, newly washed and tumble dried, cuffs them just enough to show off his creepers but not so much that the tattoo on his ankle is visible, and picks out two shirts to go with it.

The others are in the living room watching The Two Towers, and Roger stops for a moment to appreciate a soaked Viggo Mortensen kicking orc arse. When the scene switches to something less interesting, he steps in front of the TV and holds up both shirts.

"Okay, which of these will get me laid tonight?"

Brian cocks his head to the side as if regarding both but doesn’t offer an opinion, and John’s eyes simply glaze over, as they always do on such occasions.

He turns to Freddie, hopeful.

"Oh but the green one would look magnificent on Brian," Freddie says, snatching it from him and holding it up in front of Brian, "brings out your eyes, dear."

Roger smiles patiently. “I don’t think you heard my question.”

"Oh let him have it, it's not like it’ll lessen your chances," Freddie says. “And for the other one, you really shouldn’t wear it if you insist on rolling up your sleeves. The girls may fawn over your flower tattoo, but I assure you no one will bed you if you wear that colour combination.”

“I don’t think—”

“Let me help you,” Freddie says, removing a purring Ziggy from his lap, who immediately jumps onto John’s lap instead where it starts kneading. John looks like he would rather be anywhere else.

The thing about Ziggy is that he really doesn’t like people—the exception being Freddie, of course, who claims to have a spiritual connection to him, and John, who strongly dislikes cats. He tolerates Brian, mostly because he’s the one who feeds him, but Roger he hates as much as any guest who dares enter the flat. Roger doesn’t mind too much, figures he can’t be well liked by everyone—at least he doesn’t take it personally like Brian, who, even after many pitiful attempts to win it over, still tries too hard.

“Roger?”

“Freddie, I really don’t see how it matters that the colour of my clothes and tattoos match,” Roger tries, trying to catch up with Freddie’s purposeful strides across the living room floor.

“I know you don’t,” Freddie says, looking through his newly washed clothes, “and it pains me.”

Roger suppresses a sigh.

“Here, try this one,” Freddie says, handing him a shirt almost identical to the other one, and Roger grudgingly puts it on, wondering if this is going to take as long as it did yesterday.

When Freddie has finally chosen an acceptable shirt to go along with jeans and shoes and skin, Roger rolls up the sleeves of his shirt so the cluster of coloured cornflowers on his left forearm is showing, because no matter what Freddie says, he's had much success with it in the past.

They leave soon after, all together for once, but then Freddie runs back to check Ziggy’s bowls and Brian, regrettably, to get his new selfie stick, gifted to him by the animal shelter he volunteers at last week for reasons unknown to Roger.

He knows, of course, that he should leave it be, that it makes Brian happy and relaxed if just for a short moment in his tragically busy life, but Roger swears he’ll throw it in the toilet the next time he finds a video of himself sleeping or Freddie eating carrots or John watching Mamma Mia on their Facebook page. He can't very well delete it, but he fears they might not be taken seriously, and really, he has to talk to Freddie about it.

When Brian insists they take a group shot, Roger doesn't bother to hide his sour expression.

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To his credit, Freddie’s shirt pick does help Roger getting laid. Of course it could also be his incredibly good looks and undeniable charm, but Roger is willing to give credit to both Freddie and his weird rules about colour combinations. Still, that is not an excuse for Freddie to keep pestering him when he’s clearly, er, busy.

“Why don’t you just give me your wallet, go do your thing, and afterwards you can both come find me and drinks will be on me?” Freddie says, like he's being reasonable.

“It’s not on you if you’re using my money,” Roger mutters, not knowing why he bothers. They had been so close to slipping into the bedroom unnoticed. Trust Freddie to ruin that.

“I’ll pay you back.”

Knowing Freddie will keep bugging him about it until he gets what he wants, Roger relents, if only to shut him up. With a helpful hand from Dominique, his wallet is retrieved from his back pocket and lobbed at Freddie, who catches it with a grin and an "enjoy yourselves."

Of course, when they do finish—Roger feeling sated in a way he hasn't for a long time—Freddie is nowhere to be found, and then Dominique, perhaps tired, perhaps not really caring about finding Roger's friends, kisses him on the cheek and tells him goodbye.

He can’t find John or Brian either—someone tells him they went home already, another that there had been talk about going to a nearby club. Doing his best to hide his annoyance, Roger says goodbye to the people he knows, and then leaves the house to find a tube station. It’s when he gets there 10 minutes later that he realises he left his Oyster card in his wallet, which, along with Freddie, is probably halfway across town by now. His phone is almost out of battery, and even if it wasn’t, the chance of getting hold of Freddie is minimal at best. John and Brian could be anywhere, and even though he could go back to the house and find someone to stay with, he doesn’t much fancy having to go through another four hours of drinking only to be able to kip on some stranger’s couch. With a kick to a lamp post and half a minute of cursing Freddie, Roger retrieves his earphones from his pocket, puts his phone on flight mode, and begins the walk home.

It takes him a little more than an hour to get home, and if he is completely honest, he doesn’t mind too much. It’s cold, yes, but he has his earphones in and hands buried in his pocket, and London looks best at night, the dark, velvet sky and the bright city lights.

The door is open when he enters the flat, but all lights are out, and he trips over a pair of shoes but doesn’t bother turning on the lights himself. He figures that whoever is home has gone straight to bed, but Roger doesn’t feel tired yet and makes a line for Brian's room, wanting to borrow his copy of The Martian Chronicles. He is still humming along to his music when he pushes the door open, impressed but very glad that his phone hasn’t run out of battery yet, but the sight that meets him makes him stop dead in his tracks. There, on full display on his bed, is Brian—naked, on his stomach, and with a blond guy Roger vaguely recognises on top of him. What must have been seconds feels like a lifetime as Roger stares into the stranger's eyes, a lifetime where they just keep fucking, their breathing heavy and the bed springs creaking, and Roger's eyes accidentally dart to where they are joined. Something like disgust coils tight in his stomach, and he barely registers Brian scrambling to—cover up, back away, reach for him, maybe, because he is backing out of the room, only pausing to grab his shoes before he flees the flat.

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r3almellow · 7 years

Text

Nothing More Chapter 10

A/N: I’d like to thank everyone who has reviewed and those who have stuck around for so long. This is the first time I have written a fanfic that has made it to 10 chapters! Your support motivates me to keep pushing forward with my story! Thank you so much!

Rating: M

Ship: NaLu

Series: Fairy Tail

Chapter 9

xxx

The car ride was filled with silence that almost felt suffocating. Why did Natsu have to go and say that?! Dan was probably ready to press charges if her impulsive best friend decided to carry out his “promise.” Then she would have to bail him out, scold him, and threaten to never talk to him again. Lucy knew he’d probably beg for her forgiveness, but would commit attempted murder all over again.

That was Natsu in a nutshell.

Dan broke the silence. “It seems Dragneel hasn’t changed much.”

She laughed and gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry about that. He’s just a little overprotective.” Overprotective might have been an understatement. Gray and Erza were overprotective, but Natsu? There was always a hint of jealousy radiating out of him when it came to Dan.

Natsu was in a happy relationship, so maybe jealousy wasn’t the word for it. Was the idea of someone else taking up her time, something that he couldn’t handle?

Dan chuckled, his eyes still focused on the road. “Nothing wrong with that. It shows just how much he cares for you.”

While that was true, Natsu still carried some sort of grudge against the man.

It was then her mind ran back to just moments before Dan showed up at her apartment. Natsu was trying to tell her something, but in all honesty Lucy was too caught up in her own fears to listen. She knew it was something serious and she could feel it in her heart that what he had to say would change the dynamics of their relationship.

Lucy wasn’t ready to deal with that.

“Are you okay?” She heard Dan ask.

She caught him stealing a few worried glances in her direction.

Lucy only smiled and nodded. “Yeah, its just been a while since I’ve been to one of these.”

“A party?” He questioned.

Lucy shook her head. “No, a party is meant to be a place of fun, friends, and laughter. This event is meant to be nothing more than a competition to see who has the most money and who can get the most dirt on a person.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve been to such an event, but I don’t remember them being that unbearable.”

“Trust me when I say it’s a nightmare. I remember when my parents were called unfit because they decided to let me go to school in the city instead of being home schooled. All because nosey people wanted to know how “little Lucy” was doing.” She sighed heavily at the memory.

“Yikes.”

“It’s part of the reason why my family and I took ourselves out of that lifestyle,” she said flatly.

“Well, you won’t have to worry about that tonight. Anyone who tries something will have to deal with yours truly.”

Lucy smiled softly. “Thanks.”

He smiled back at her as they pulled up in front of a brightly lit mansion.

Getting inside the Orland home was easier than getting valet parking. Once inside Lucy was complete awe of the place. She had forgotten how much money the Orland’s put into their annual event. From a live band to the detailed ice sculpture of Magnolia’s famous Sakura tree in the middle of the room.

The Orlands really knew how to go all out.

“Legion Corps Vice-Captain and Heartfilia Heiress an item?” On most days Lucy would be ready to chew out the person who dared make any sort of accusation about her, but she was all smiles when she was met with her co-worker Jason.

She waved at him. “Hey, Jason! I didn’t know you were working the event tonight.”

“You think I’d miss the Orland’s try to bounce back after what happened? I’m lucky enough to get the opportunity.” He was right. The press were outside in droves, but only a select few were allowed inside.

Probably to minimize any false news circling the air.

Jason holds up his camera. “Mind if I get a picture of you and your date?”

Lucy and Dan happily obliged as Jason began to take a few pictures. He wasn’t the only one as a few others managed to follow his lead. No doubt these pictures would make it online articles and magazines. She can already feel a call from her father coming in within the next few hours.

Lucy could hear a few murmurs from press and guests alike as they stared at her and Dan. Let the rumors begin…

Just as Lucy was ready to glare daggers at the people an announcement of the hostess’ presence towards the stairs.

At the top of the staircase stood Minerva clad in a blue tight fitting dress. Next to her stood a tall man with blonde long hair. Lucy quickly deduced that, that was fashion designer Rufus Lore. He was known as the youngest designers, getting his start with Sabertooth Collections as a teenager. Lucy remembered his early years were filled with other designers claiming he stole his work. Claims that were never proven.

Minerva looked out into the crowd and cleared her throat. “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for attending our annual charity event. As you all know, my father could not be here tonight to grace you with his presence.”

‘Because he’s a drug dealer.’ Lucy thought.

“While he may not be here, I hope to represent the company to the best of my abilities. Do not forget that we will taking donations for various orphanages such as “The Rosemary Children’s Association.” Sabertooth Collections as well as the Orland family, hope to give the children of Fiore a bright future and we need your help to make that happen. Aside from that, the night is young and all the champagne won’t stay chilled for much longer. Please enjoy the festivities.”

The crowd clapped as Minerva was escorted down the flight of stairs by Rufus. It didn’t the woman long to spot Lucy and Dan in the sea of people. She broke apart from Rufus who disappeared into the crowd and with a few graceful strides, Minerva was at their side.

Lucy sensed a few of the press snapping photos near them. Yep, she was definitely getting a call from her father.

“Mr. Straight, I’m so glad you could make it!” Minerva says offering him a handshake.

Dan shook her hand with a charming smile. “I was honored when you sent me the invitation, Ms. Orland.”

Minerva glanced at Lucy as if she was just now noticing her. She was scanning Lucy from head to toe as if she was trying to find a way to make some backhanded comment about her appearance.

While she’d like to comfortable shorts and a t-shirt any day of the week, fashion was something Lucy never played around with when it was time to get serious.

Minerva pulled Lucy in gave her a cheek to cheek kiss. “I’m so glad you were able to make it, Lucy. Tell me, how is your mother’s health?” Oh, right. That lie was still a thing.

“She’s better, thanks.” She needed to change the subject.

Lucy looked at Minerva then at Dan. “I didn’t realize you two actually knew each other.”

“Mr. Straight has been working closely with us to create the Legion Corps’ new line of tactical uniform. We have yet to really discuss the details with the public, but I believe within the next few weeks an announcement should be made.” Minerva said proudly.

Dan chimed in. “Our collaboration was part of the reason I came back to Magnolia. You’d be surprised to see the ideas we came up with within a week. I’m almost sad I have to leave. I would have loved to dive deeper into that beautiful brain of yours just a little longer, Ms. Orland.”

Was that flirting Lucy sensed? It was easy to forget Dan had a tendency of being a smooth talker, but one would think that after all these years he would turn it down.

Minerva waved him off. “You’re far too kind. The companies research team deserves all of the credit.”

The conversation was cut short when Rufus came in and informed Minerva that other people requested her presence. She politely excused herself from the two and disappeared into the crowd.

“How about we start off this night with a dance?” Dan offered as he bowed with a stretched-out hand.

Lucy giggled and took his hand in hers. “Of course.”

The sounds of jazz music echoed from live band as Dan gently pulled Lucy onto the floor. It took no time for Lucy to find herself in his embrace as they slowly moved with the music.

“Reminds me of our first dance.” He says in a quiet tone.

Lucy looked up at him confused. “Our first dance?”

“Back in college. You were so upset that night and all I wanted to do was make you smile again. Do you remember?”

How could she forget?

Xxx

Lucy had just finished working on a big assignment for her Multimedia Reporting class. She had spent the last few hours analyzing the same audio files of the big Second Trade war. Lucy had listened to those files so many times that when she heard the loud music blasting from the fraternity house as she made her way inside, it almost sounded foreign.

Lucy had no intentions of going to any sort of party after the busy week she had. On a good day, she would have no problem partying with her friends, but there came a time when a girl needed to be alone. She was ready to hit the sheets and read her favorite novel “A Cursed Love.” A book she never knew she needed until Levy presented it to her as a gift.

Surprisingly, it was Levy that had been the one to finally drag the blonde out of her dorm after countless hours of pleading and promising to help her study for her Spanish exam that was to come in the next few days. That girl was lucky Lucy loved her dearly or her butt would have stayed home.

Lucy threw on whatever she could find in her closet and wrapped her hair into a bun. It wasn’t her best look, but there was no reason to get dolled up for her current location.

Stepping into the frat house she spotted Natsu through the crowd of people and smiled. Suddenly the tiredness she felt seemed to melt away. He always had that effect on her. He was like a ball of energy that selflessly shared its power with others.

Natsu had offered her a drink and teased her about her low tolerance when she declined. She huffed and attempted to bite him. What else could one do in her situation? Let him slide? Nope! Natsu liked seeing her flustered and she wasn’t having any of it.

Lucy suddenly felt someone wrap and arm around her waist which startled her. She was relieved to see it was Cana who began to pull her away.

Natsu called out for her over the loud music asking to save him a dance and she accepted. A small blush crept up to Lucy’s face and she hoped it went unnoticed as the sight of him disappeared.

It wasn’t the first time the two had danced.

Natsu reluctantly became her test subject once she joined the dance team. Any moves or tricks she wanted to try out, he was her guinea pig. He wasn’t bad at dancing like she believed him to be. He wasn’t perfect, but he was good at following instructions when he wanted to.

This time, however, was different.

He wasn’t helping her with a new routine, he genuinely wanted to dance with her at a party. What if he wanted to dance to a slow song? That meant they’d be close. Really close. He’d have his hands around her waist while hers would be wrapped around his neck. She’d be able to get lost in his eyes as they swayed to the sounds of the music. She’d want to lean up and kiss him before any second thoughts cloud her mind.

The desire to ask him to go back to her dorm with her with hopes he’d comply, would have lingered as she slowly pulled away from him.

The idea of what could transpire between the two caused the pink blush surrounding her cheeks changed to red.

Maybe reading nothing but romance novels was bad for your health.

“Having naughty thoughts?”

Lucy was brought out from her thoughts and was met with a devious smirk from Cana.

“N-no!”

“Right and I’m not tipsy.” Cana mused.

If she was, it was hard to tell. Cana could fake being sober if she wanted. She was a master drinker and could drink anyone under the table. Many have tried and failed miserably to beat the brunette.

A habit that Lucy sometimes envied yet disliked at the same time.

“Did you need me for something?” Lucy asked quickly changing the subject.

“As a matter a fact I did!” Cana pulls out her phone and grins.

“I want you to take pictures with me so that asshole of an ex-boyfriend I have can see how much fun I’m having without him.”

“Trying to make him jealous?” Lucy asked.

Cana scrunched up her face in disgust. “Hell no! If he sees me having the time of my life with someone else and gets jealous then that’s his problem. I just want to prove that I don’t need his dick to be happy.”

“Wouldn’t a guy be better suited for that? Gray, maybe? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” Juvia on the other hand…

“You’re much cuter than Gray and it gives me an excuse to do this!” Without a moment’s notice, Cana pounces on Lucy earning her a small squeak from the young Heartfilia. A second later Lucy heard the small click of a camera and evil laugh from Cana.

“Don’t we look so cute together!” Cana exclaimed as she waved her phone in Lucy’s face. Lucy looked at the phone screen and smiled. Cana had an arm wrapped around Lucy, who was in mid smile as her friend leaned in for kiss.

“You tried to kiss my cheek?” Lucy questioned.

“I was aiming for your lips, but I guess I’ll have to try harder next time.” Cana winks.

Lucy rolled her eyes at her friend’s teasing. Cana was never one to hide her sexuality and she was rather bold. No matter who you are, if she found you sexually attractive you were going to know about it.

Cana snickered. “I’m only teasing! Besides, I know a certain soccer player who would kill for a kiss from you!”

Lucy laughed nervously and waved off her friend’s accusations. “Natsu doesn’t like me in that way.”

There was no use in denying her feelings for Natsu. Most of her friends knew long before she even came to terms with it. However, there was no way Natsu would ever think of her as anything more than a friend. In the years that she has known him, there was no indication that he was remotely attracted to her the way she was to him.

Cana’s eyes widened and looked as if someone took the last bottle of beer. “Are you kidding me? He’s Lucysexual!”

Lucy’s looked at the brunette quizzically. “Lucysexual?”

Cana looked at her friend with a smug expression. “Erza and I made it up! He’s attracted to hot blondes, with big boobs and have the name Lucy Heartfilia.”

“Th-that’s not true!” She yelled.

Lucy would have expected Cana to come up with such a ridiculous word, but Erza?

Levy soon appeared with Juvia following close behind. “Are we trying to convince Lucy that Natsu likes her, because I’m all for that.”

Lucy made no effort to hide the betrayal she felt. “You’re supposed to back me up here!”

Levy shrugged as she took another sip of her drink. “I’m not going to lie. The two of you were always joined at the hip. He’s possessive of you and will probably kill the next guy who looks in your direction.”

Lucy wasn’t sure why she was looking sympathy from Levy. She would join forces with the pink haired man when it came to teasing Lucy. High school was all fun and games until her two close friends found a common interest and that was poking fun at her.

“I wouldn’t say possessive and Gray would do the same! I don’t see you guys throwing him on me!” Lucy eyed Juvia, hoping that the woman would agree with her comparison.

“Juvia used to think of Lucy as a love rival, but it is clear who her heart belongs to.” Ah, yes, the wonderful “Love Rival” phase that started at the beginning of their friendship. It took a while for Lucy to convince Juvia there was nothing going on between her and Gray.

Lucy rolled her eyes. “Why do I even bother?”

Cana thought to herself for a moment and then her devious smirk returned. That was never a good sign. “Why don’t we test this theory?”

Levy raised an eyebrow. “What are you proposing?”

“Natsu asked Lucy to dance. If a slow song comes on and he shows up that means our lovable pink haired friend totally has the hots for her.”

“I don’t thin-“ Lucy began, but was immediately interrupted by Levy.

Levy clapped her hands together and smiled brightly. “That sounds perfect!”

“How are we sure a slow song will play?” Juvia asked.

Cana looked at the DJ and grinned. “You leave that to me. I just need you two to be good little distractions and get those two away from Natsu.” She pointed behind the women.

The women looked over to find Gajeel, Gray and the man of the hour drinking.

“Piece of cake!” Levy said.

Lucy seemed to be the only one against the plan. “Hold on! Don’t I have a say in this?”

“Nope.” Cana said simply.

Lucy gave Juvia one last look, hoping to get through to her friend. “Juvia, you’re not going to go along with this?

“If this is a plan that involves Juvia getting close to her darling Gray then she is ready.” There was determination in Juvia’s eyes as she responded.

Lucy didn’t know what she expected.

“I’m going to go talk to the DJ. You guys get in position.” Cana orderd.

The three women broke away from Lucy to commence their plan. It didn’t long for Levy to drag Gajeel off and Gray was so busy with Juvia clinging on to him that Natsu was left on his own. Lucy looked over at Cana who was flirting with the DJ and whispering who knew what into her ear. The DJ blushed and nodded at Cana.

In no time, Cana made her way back over to Lucy.

“You’re up after this song. Go find him and make sure he asks you to dance.”

Find him? Wasn’t he…?

When Lucy turned her attention back to Natsu, all she found the space he had occupied filled by another person.

Lucy looked around. “Where did he go?”

“I saw him heading outside. Better hope he doesn’t leave.”

Lucy sighed. If her friends went through all this trouble just for her, she might as well go through with the plan, right?

Cana gave her a thumbs up as Lucy walked away.

What was the worst that could happen? It wasn’t like she was going to confess right then and there. He was just going to dance with her to a song…a slow song…possibly a love song.

Lucy’s legs started to shake and her confident stride across the room didn’t feel so confident.

This might have been a mistake.

Before Lucy could back out, she found herself opening the door and suddenly she wished she backed out of this sooner.

Her heart sank to the pit of her stomach at the scene that unfolded before her. Natsu was there with his lips pressed against Lisanna Strauss, who seemed to be really into the kiss.

Lucy was aware of Lisanna’s crush on Natsu. She was subtle about it, but if you paid attention Lisanna’s interactions with him, figuring out her feelings for him was a no brainer.

There was always a small pang of jealousy Lucy felt whenever Lisanna and Natsu were together. Whether if it was for a project or them casually hanging out, the sight of the two left a bitter taste in Lucy’s mouth.

Lucy begun to slowly understood Juvia’s jealousy earlier on her friendship.

To say Lucy was shocked wasn’t the best word. Heartbroken? Upset? There were so many words that could describe how she felt.

Natsu has never shown any interest in Lisanna, that Lucy could notice, so why in the world was this happening?

Maybe there was a spark between the two she was just too blind to see. An attraction that was so strong that Lucy could never begin to understand.

Not wanting to be spotted she closed the door gently and leaned up against it to keep herself steady.

Lucy felt the urge to cry. Her eyes burned as the tears formed and it took everything within her to choke back a sob.

She knew she was fool for believing that Cana’s plan would work. She was even more foolish for thinking he was interested in her in the slightest.

Her internal meltdown was interrupted when she heard her name being called.

She quickly wiped away a stray tear before looking up at the person. It was Dan Straight. “H-hey, Dan. I didn’t see you there.” Lucy blinked back the tears a little confused. She half expected Cana to be in front of her ready to eavesdrop, but the sight of Dan threw her off guard completely.

They had crossed paths a few times, but not enough for her to know him that well.

“Are you okay?” He seemed genuinely worried.

“Yes, I’m just a bit stressed. I was hoping coming here would relieve that, but I guess I was wrong.” Dan looked at her for moment. Lucy knew he could sense there was more to her story and whatever it was, was happening right outside that door.

“Dance with me.”

For the second time that night, he caught her off guard. “No, I-“

He puts up a hand to stop her.

“I will have none of that. Let me take your mind off of whatever it is. I’m not the most skilled dancer, but I can at least try to make you smile.” He held out his hand.

He was sweet, she had to give him that.

Lucy contemplated for a second.

She could decline, go home and possibly cry herself to sleep. The idea was tempting, but then she’d have to devise an escape plan because going out the front door was not an option.

That was too much work for an already emotionally tired mind.

The other option was to accept Dan’s offer. There was nothing wrong with dancing with him. From what she’s heard Dan was a nice guy and didn’t seem like a complete creep compared to most of the drunk partygoers.

Lucy smiled halfheartedly and took the young man’s hand.

Dan pulled her onto the dance floor pushing through the crowd of people.

Cana was the first to spot Lucy and her expression mirrored that of her other friend’s as she passed them. Confusion.

They didn’t know what had transpired moments before this moment. They didn’t know how hurt she was, but she would tell them and they’d understand.

At least, she hoped they would.

When the song started, Dan pulled her close and gently swayed to the sound of a guitar emitting from the speakers.

She closed her eyes in hopes to block out the stares she received, but the feeling of holes boring into her wouldn’t go away.

She tried to take her mind off it by listening to the music and listening to the rhythm of Dan’s heartbeat as she rested her head against his chest. It worked for a few seconds until she heard the faint sound of Gray’s voice. She could have sworn she heard him call out for the young man that currently plagued her thoughts.

When the song ended she politely thanked Dan and walked away. Not even a second later Cana pulled her over to the side still in complete shock. Levy and Juvia soon joined her their expressions unchanging. Lucy told them what she had seen and their faces forming into a mix of sadness and sympathy.

Lucy decided to head home after that. She didn’t see Natsu or Lisanna for that matter, but it was probably for the best.

As the days went by Lucy spent most of her time working towards getting an internship with Sorcerer Weekly, her dream job.

Lucy knew that this was an excuse to avoid Natsu which was the hardest thing to do. Being a part of extracurricular activities that sometimes-crossed paths with the soccer player and sharing the same circle of friends made things very difficult.

Natsu was the first to give up the charade and did all he could to move forward with their friendship. Even when she insisted she was busy, he would want to be “busy” with her. It took Lucy some time, a day and a half to be exact, until she started feeling comfortable around him again.

The image of him kissing Lisanna, never left her, however. That was something that would take her a while to get over.

Whenever Natsu wasn’t around Dan seemed to make his presence known to Lucy quite frequently. He would visit her after practice and walked her from class to class every chance he got.

Shortly after he asked her out on a date. Her friends thought it was a bad idea, but what was the harm?

Lucy thought that by agreeing to be his girlfriend would rid her of any feelings she might have had for Natsu.

Oh how wrong she was.

When senior year rolled in, Lucy had gotten accepting as intern for Sorcerer Weekly and got herself an apartment that was close to her new job. Dan had left for about a month and a half to start his military training, which left Lucy alone. Well, not completely alone.

She always managed to find Natsu either rummaging through her kitchen or passed out with Happy on her bed. The first few times she would scold him and wonder how he managed to get in without a key, but she quickly got used to him being there.

She got to see more of him, so she couldn’t complain too much.

Lucy would never admit it, but she loved coming home to Natsu.

She loved scolding him for leaving a mess or for breaking into her apartment. She loved being able to cook for him and Happy. She loved seeing a smile on his face when he asleep and wrapped up in her sheets. She loved how he always looked as if he had the best sleeps in her bed.

She loved him.

The time Natsu spent at her place caused the feelings she had for him to make its way back to the forefront. It was as if her efforts to push away her feelings and be happy with Dan went down the drain.

Lucy would be lying if she said she was excited when Dan returned. Natsu grew busy with his firefighter training and didn’t come over as much. Dan was still the charming prince that showered her with compliments, affection, and so much more, but it wasn’t enough.

Not long after, Natsu announced that he and Lisanna were dating. It made her blood boil.

Lucy couldn’t understand why.

She was in a good place with her boyfriend and yet the thought of Natsu being with someone else still managed to make her feel envious.

There was a huge part of her that couldn’t bring herself to feel anything but jealousy. The feelings she had weren’t fair. It wasn’t fair to Dan, Natsu or Lisanna and yet she still had them.

By the time Lucy was ready to put her jealousy behind her, Dan decided it was best for them to part ways. In a way, Lucy was hurt, but she was more relieved than anything. She didn’t want to continue to hurt Dan without him even knowing.

Now here she was a few years later, still alone and still in love with the same man she’s tried so hard to get over.

Xxx

Dan chuckled causing Lucy to look up at him. “Same old Lucy. You always had your head in the clouds.”

She must have been out of it because they had stopped dancing at some point.

She laughed nervously. “Sorry, I was…trying to figure out what your other reason was for coming back was. Did you have something else to do?”

Dan thought for a moment. “If I’m being completely honest with you, Lucy, I was more eager to see you again.”

Lucy looked at him shocked. “Y-you were?”

“I was afraid that you had moved on and I’d lost any chance I had of seeing your gorgeous face again.” Lucy blinked blankly for a moment to register what he was saying. She could feel her face grow warm.

Dan leaned in to get a good look at her. “You okay? Your face is looking a little red.”

Taking a step back Lucy nodded quickly. “Y-yeah! It just got really hot all of sudden.”

“I’ll get you some water.” Dan escorted Lucy off to the side and ventured into the crowded room in search for a suitable beverage.

Lucy sighed once Dan left. To think one of Dan’s reasons for coming was to see her again. As sweet as it was the thought alone turned her into a bundle of nerves.

“Is that who I think it is?” Lucy immediately perked up at the familiar voice behind her.

“Oh my gosh! Mira?!” Lucy pulled her friend in for tight hug and received one from Mira in return.

“I had no idea you would be here tonight!” Mira exclaimed.

“With what’s been going on with Minerva’s family I thought she could use a friendly face!” Lucy replied. Laxus then appeared behind the two with two glasses in hand. He greeted Lucy with a small nod in her direction and handed her the clear liquid that looked more like water than any form of wine.

“You’re only having water?” Mira wasn’t a lush like Cana, but it just seemed odd that she chose water as her drink of choices. It was then the realization hit Lucy. Her eyes widened as a blush appeared on Mira’s face and Laxus looked away awkwardly.

“Three weeks.” Was all Mira said.

Happiness couldn’t even begin to describe how she felt for Mira and Laxus. She contained her squeals by bringing her hands up to her mouth. “Congratulation!”

Mira’s smile widened. “Thank you! We’re hoping to announce it right after the wedding or at least before I start showing.”

“Your secret is safe with me! Not even my date wi-” Mira interrupted her.

“Date? You have a date? Is it with someone I know?” Mira always enjoyed learning about Lucy’s poor excuse of a love life. Lucy never understood why.

There were times when Mira would joke that Lucy and Natsu looked good together. A thought Lucy already considered.

She started ignoring the woman’s comments right after she suggested that Gray might have a thing for her. Good thing Juvia was nowhere near them at the time.

“You’ve crossed paths with him a few times.” Lucy said.

Mira’s eyes lit up and she eagerly looked around. “Finally! Where’s Natsu?”

Lucy frowned at the question. Why would she think Natsu was here? More importantly, why would she think he was here with her? “Why would I be he-“

“If it isn’t the dazzling Mirajane Strauss and her husband to be.” Dan’s voice sounded behind Lucy as as she felt his arm wrap around her waist.

Mira’s eyes widened in complete shock. Even Laxus looked surprised to see the man “D-Dan, I didn’t know you were back!”

“Not for much longer. Although, if given the right reasons, I might change my mind.” He looked over at Lucy with a warm smile causing her to blush. She heard a faint snort coming from Laxus and turned just in time to see Mira lightly elbow her fiancé in the stomach.

Mira brought a hand up to her mouth and she urgently looked at Laxus. “I’m not feeling too well. Laxus, would you mind escorting me to the restroom?” She gave Lucy a quick hug before pulling Laxus off.

That was weird to say the least.

Dan was the first to speak after the couple’s departure. “I hope she’s alright.”

“I’m sure she is…” Lucy’s words trailed off when her eyes were met with Minerva from across the ballroom floor. She was talking with a group of people when Rufus walked over and whispered in her ear. Minerva’s thoughtful smile she held for most of the night fell.

Minerva gave the guests an apologetic look and if Lucy looked hard enough there was some irritation as well. With a handshake, she walked away from the group of people with Rufus in tow, disappearing around a corner.

Something was up. Minerva was never one to leave a party. In fact, she lived and breathed opportunities that would put her family on the front page. What could possibly pull her away?

Lucy quickly turned to Dan ready to give the good old “I need to powder my nose” excuse, but he beat her to it. He was staring at his phone with annoyance dancing in his eyes.

“I have to make a quick phone call, beautiful. Excuse me.” He didn’t even give her time to answer before he briskly walked off.

‘It must have been important.’ She thought to herself.

Lucy didn’t dwell too much on his abrupt exit as it gave her the chance to figure out what was going on with Minerva.

Just as Lucy was ready to follow the raven-haired woman two men stepped in front of her.

Lucy had forgotten the type of people events like this attracted. Rich people, yes, but most of the guests were questionable, creepy, and snobbish. The two men before her fit all three categories.

Jose Porla and Duke Everlue were a part of one of the richest families in Fiore. One was a billionaire entrepreneur and the other was part of a lineage of authors.

Lucy had only met them a few times through their business with her family. Jose was the one that used to creep her out the most. When her mother was present he made no effort to hide his attraction her. He tried very hard to be the charming stud he wishes he was, but he just came off as pushy. “I never thought I would see the day when a Heartfilia would grace us with their presence again.”

Lucy put on her best smile. “Mr. Porla, it’s been a long time.”

He takes Lucy’s hand, leaning down to gently kiss it. “Please, call me Jose.”

The feeling of the man’s wet kiss and mustache brushing against her skin made Lucy’s skin crawl.

She pulled her hand away with a polite smile. “R-right…”

Jose looked Lucy over and as flattering as it was supposed to be Lucy felt like she was on display. “You have grown up to become quite a sight, my dear. You definitely are Layla Heartfilia’s daughter. Don’t you agree, Everlue?”

Everlue shrugged his shoulders clearly unimpressed by the blonde before him.

“I’ve seen better.” Was the short man’s reply.

Lucy didn’t let his words get to her. The man had weird taste and would call the most beautiful women ugly. Her mother was one of those women who received his harsh critiques.

Lucy smiled to show his words did nothing to her self-esteem. “You’re just as direct as ever Mr. Everlue. I would like to send out my sympathies for the loss of your old library. As a person who avidly visited the facility, it pains me to see the building be tarnished in such a way.”

The man shifted uneasily as if the topic made him uncomfortable. He glanced at Jose for a moment, who seemed to be too distracted by Lucy to even notice. “It doesn’t really matter to me. The building was old and set to be taken down anyway. Someone did me a favor,” he said with trying to show his disinterest.

A pretty indifferent statement for someone who almost had his building burned to the ground. Whether it was going to be torn down or not, that building was what put the Everlue family name on the map. It’s one thing to tear down the building on their own accord, but it’s another when someone else deliberately does it. It should have been unsettling.

Making note of his response, Lucy held her smile. “Of course. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be on my way.” Far away from them was very ideal. “Wait!” She felt Jose grab her arm with long, clammy fingers. She flinched at the sudden contact and quickly pulled away.

Jose smiled one of those creepy smiles, as if Lucy wasn’t already weirded out. “I was hoping I could ask you for a dance.”

Not even on his best day would she consider him as a dance partner. “I would love to but I can’t because…because…”

Where the heck was Dan when she needed him? Her eyes darted around the room in hopes to find the missing man, but there wasn’t a trace of him.

Lucy felt a warm hand gently grasp her shoulder and she sighed with relief.

“Because she promised me a dance.” Lucy’s heart leaped out of her chest at the voice.

That didn’t sound anything like Dan. Not even close.

That voice was something she spent years listening to and could point out without having to second guess herself. There was still a sense of hope within her that she was wrong.

Lucy slowly turned her head to the person who now stood by her side and her heart stopped.

This could not be happening.

Next to her stood a tall man wearing a black suit which revealed his white partially unbuttoned shirt. On most people, such an attire would be deemed sloppy or unkempt, but the look was working for him. The next thing Lucy noticed was his jet black spiky hair. It was as normal as any other hair color, but on him it looked so unnatural.

Jose glared and looked the man up and down, as if he was sizing up his competition. “And who might you be, boy?”

The man in question gives Lucy a quick wink and holds out his hand towards Jose.

“Zeref Vermillion at your service.”

Only one thing came to Lucy’s mind.

‘You have got to be kidding me…’

xxx

A/N: Has a new challenger appeared?! Mwahahaha! I hope you guys enjoyed Lucy’s side of the story! I apologize for not coming out with this much sooner! Both my beta and I have become super busy, so please forgive the lateness! As always, please review and stay tuned!

#fairy tail #nalu #nalu fanfiction #fanfiction #natsu #lucy #lucy heartfilia

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tuxiedjabberwock · 7 years

Text

Sticks, Part II - a Fairy Tail one-shot

Gajevy Week

Sticks, Part II

Feb 19th — “Grief”

TWO YEARS AGO

“Gajeel? That you man?”

“Who else?” he snorted, sitting on the edge of the bed and taking the phone off speaker. Natsu’s surprised shout echoed through the lines.

“Wow! I mean, you’ve been blocking my calls the last few weeks, so I’m just…surprised.”

“What do ya want?”

“Well, uh, I was trying to ask if you’d wanna go hang out?”

“Sorry, busy.” Natsu groan-sighed.

“You’ve been busy for the longest time, you know. We’ve all lost parents, all three of us, and we’re trying to be here for each other—”

Gajeel punched the End button and tossed the phone into the corner of his room. Natsu was insufferably positive, even after the fact, and Gajeel didn’t think he could stomach it. Not to say he didn’t appreciate Natsu’s efforts, but they would’ve gone off better with Wendy, who was younger and much more emotionally impressionable than he.

“Gajeel?”

Speak of the devil. Actually, no—“the devil” was a much better approximation of him.

“Welcome home,” he said, opening the door. She still had her backpack on, the size of which almost dwarfed her small figure. Her long hair hung around her yellow and green-pattered dress and her eyes were wide and focused on him. “I made— Isn’t it kinda early?” he restarted, glancing at the clock. “Yeah… Ya have school for another hour.”

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, ducking her head. All at once, he understood.

“’s okay.” He put a hand on her shoulder and let her bury her face into his denim jacket. “Jus’ watch the truancy, alright? Ma always said yer a smart little girl—it’d be a shame to see ya get kicked outta school.”

“I’m trying, but it’s hard,” she whimpered into the fabric. “Little things make me remember them…”

“I get it. I’ll just call the school later, get the work that you missed.” She nodded as best she could in her position.

“Thank you, Gajeel…” He hesitated as she sniffled, shifting his hand to her head and gently caressing the hair so much like their mother’s. He started to speak, stopped, then began again:

“Let’s go get ice cream, huh?”

Despite Gajeel being eighteen—old enough to assume guardianship—he still felt the weight of assumed parenthood heavy on his shoulders. It was, of course, on top of the burden of grief, sometimes hanging like a cloud so thick around him that he could barely breathe. He had his moments, albeit few and far in between, and tried his hardest to hide them from Wendy to appear like the strong older brother figure she needed, but it was hard.

He remembered how, when he was called out of school to receive the news some weeks ago, he completely flipped. It didn’t make sense in the slightest: the one day that the trio drove out together was the same day a sleep-deprived garbage truck driver did his rounds? It sounded like something from a bad novel, but things were nastily proven real. He remembered fighting for a while, dealing blows and taking them to let the numbness wane in favor of adrenaline, but even the best things were only temporary.

“You know,” Natsu had said as they sat on the steps of Kardia Cathedral, his blazer on the stone and his tie yanked loose, “I keep thinking that this is a huge nightmare, that I’ll wake up any second with Igneel shoutin’ in my face that I’m late for school.”

“Gone are those days.”

“You’re tellin’ me.” He blinked rapidly, then wiped an arm across his eyes with a growl. “Damn it… Why now, huh? I’m not even eighteen yet and I already lost my old man. Igneel told me he wouldn’t die until I did!”

“Well, things happen, Natsu,” Gajeel said.

Things happen… What a gross summary of the most tragic event of his life. Things happen was what someone said when they couldn’t take their kid to the fair, or when they couldn’t afford a toy; things happen wasn’t reserved for real deaths, important deaths. Those two words weren’t nearly enough to cover Wendy’s sleepless nights or his own or Natsu’s, although he’d die before he’d admit it. But thing, once they hit rock bottom, could only get better, and while the ascent was slow, he made progress. They made progress.

“This is so good!” Wendy gushed as she ate one of the wafers in her mint chocolate chip cone. He chuckled as he walked with her down the sidewalk, heading to their apartment down the block. “Wanna try some?”

“I’m not a big fan of sweets.”

“Aww,” she complained. “You and Natsu are so weird.”

“Says you.” They passed an alley, where Wendy instinctively huddled closer and away from the blotchy shadows, when a weak mewl caught their attention. A small white and orange kitten padded up to Wendy, pawing at her leg. She cooed softly and knelt down to feed it a wafer, which it took gratefully.

“Aww, Gajeel, she’s so tiny,” she said, taking up the kitten. It purred and rubbed into the crook of her neck. “Can we keep her, please?”

“I dunno, the landlord’s not all that happy about flea-infested—” Then the cat did what most grown men feared to even think about: It jumped from Wendy’s arms to his shoulder and cuddled up to his face, purring consistently.

At that moment, Gajeel realized his passionate love for cats. (Privately, of course; if Natsu, who’d had a blue-dyed cat since childhood, realized that Gajeel’s taunting of him for said cat was out of jealously, he’d die a shamed man.)

“I’ll call her Cupcake,” she decided, beaming as the kitten hummed enthusiastically and curled up in her lap. The name broke Gajeel’s reverie somewhat, but he smirked and ruffled her hair anyway. It was the happiest he’d seen her since they lost their parents, so who was he to ruin it?

“That’s a kickass name there, Wendy.”

“A cat, huh?” Natsu hummed as he shut the front door behind him, ignoring Gajeel’s scowl as Cupcake curled about his neck like a scarf. (Not that he was complaining, as it was winter.) “Ah, who was it that always joked about Happy again? I forget.”

“You’ll be forgettin’ yer name when I’m done poundin’ ya,” he warned. Natsu grinned at the sound of a fight, fists up. Lucy sighed as she stepped between them, holding them at arm’s width.

“What are you two, children?” she chided. “Grow up already!”

“Says the one that still wears bunny pajamas,” Gajeel retorted. Lucy flushed a deep scarlet as she went to change, disappearing into Natsu’s room and locking the door. Meanwhile, Natsu sat with Gajeel on the sofa, kicking his feet up. Gajeel noticed the remains of lunch there alongside a few bags of potato chips. “I woulda thought you’d drown in junk by now.”

“I would’ve, but Lucy’s pretty good at cooking, so I don’t mind eating healthy crap now,” he confessed. “It’s a step up from Dad always buying takeout anyway.” They paused to sit on that, the air growing heavier. “It still feels like yesterday, not like two months’ve passed. You still hanging on all right?”

“I think… I’m doin’ better,” he said. “But sometimes…ya know, sometimes, I just wanna hear my old man’s voice again.” He turned away, feeling cold despite Cupcake’s warm body.

“I get you.”

“And I see Mom’s smile all the time in Wendy, and sometimes I jus’ can’t stand it. Ain’t that somethin’ else? Can’t stand the look of my own sister’s face. It hurts right here,” he gripped the fabric of his t-shirt around his heart, “and it jus’ gets worse and worse until I can’t stand it.”

“Gajeel…” Natsu grasped his shoulder gently. “Things are gonna get better, I promise.”

“I wish,” was all he said.

Down the hall, he heard Natsu’s door, which had been ajar for a while, close once more.

PRESENT DAY

Gajeel unlocked the door to his apartment to find something baffling: Wendy, who had been in another stretch of grief after Cupcake’s killing, was giggling madly. Curious, he dropped his backpack and went to her room, leaning in the doorframe. She was on the floor and reaching for something under her bed.

“What are ya doin’?” he asked. She glanced at him and straightened, her back unusually stiff and hands on her bandaged knees. He recognized it as her guilted pose.

“Gajeel, a present came for us,” she started. He raised a brow and looked towards her bed.

“And it’s under there?” Answering his question, an adult cat slid out from the darkness and carefully approached him. It was jet-black with a grey mouth and paws and had a scar across its face. Its blue collar had the name PANTHERLILY. I see why, he thought—it looked like a miniature panther. “Ya said it’s a present?”

“Uh-huh. He came with a note…” She grabbed a piece of ornate stationary from her bed and handed it over. He flattened it out and was immediately blindsided by the familiar perfume scent on it. He hadn’t smelled it in a couple of weeks, not since he buried Cupcake…

“Dear Gajeel and Wendy,” it read, “I know this cat won’t replace Cupcake, but at least you won’t be alone with your grief this time. I thought that since you’ve lost a lot already, it would do you two some good to gain something for once, so you’ve both gotten a present here: Wendy gets a new cat, and Gajeel can get a number from nobody special. Regards, Levy.” And below that calligraphy handwriting was a phone number—her phone number, by the sound of it.

Nobody special? What an understatement, he thought with a snort, rolling his eyes slightly. Shrimp’s pretty special, whether she thinks it herself or not. Actually, that’s probably why Bunny-girl brought us together in the first place… She thought Levy could help me. And she wasn’t wrong.

“Why are you smiling?” Wendy probed. “Can I…keep him?”

“I’m not gonna stop ya,” he grinned, ruffling her head. She pointed at the letter.

“I called to say ‘thank you,’ and a girl answered. Is that your girlfriend?” He flushed a little but hid it with a snicker.

“Nope, she’s not.” Let’s see if I can change that.

#fairy tail #fairy tail fanfiction #fairy tail gale #fairy tail gajevy #Gajeel Redfox #Levy McGarden #gale #gajevy #gajevy week #Gajeel X Levy #romance #ft oneshot #ft fanfiction #angst #the pen is mightier than iron

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ecotone99 · 4 years

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The Dinner - Part One [RO]

Levi hadn’t had a full night’s sleep since they put it on the calendar, his 6’0 frame tossing and turning as sweat beaded down his soft, brown, elbow length hair.

His girlfriend Stella would leave their elite college campus and her usual world of cities and socialites to change planes three times and drive 20 miles down a dirt road before arriving in Everbrook, Montana, to officially meet his family.

Not like the last time she came. They weren’t serious then, so he didn’t care what anyone thought of her, of them. She was there to visit him, not meet his family. This time would be different.

Last time was early in the summer, so his brothers had been in school all day and his parents had been at work so much they barely saw her. This would be over Christmas break, so everyone would be home. But those weren’t the only increased elements of risk.

When Levi had brought his short, blonde, passionate, clear eyed Stella the last time, he had just described her as a girl from school who was coming to visit for a few days. He hadn’t acted any differently than when he brought a guy from his lacrosse team over, or even a friend from town. It was casual, unimportant, and impacted only his schedule. But this time, he called everyone to gather around the speakerphone for a family meeting, and announced that he was bringing his girlfriend home over Christmas vacation to meet the family.

At first his mother Helen and his stepfather Matt had exchanged teasing looks and thought it was cute that their little boy was taking this school romance so seriously. Until he started laying out the rules. “The lawn sign, that’s got to go.” He didn’t have to specify which one he meant. It was obvious that the “My son is an honors student at Everbook Elementary” lawn sign his younger brother brought home could stay, and the “Trump 2020” sign was going in the back of the garage.

Matt chafed a bit at the way his teenage son was issuing demands regarding how he’d conduct himself in his own home, but he bit his tongue, knowing how common it was for college kids to get their heads screwed on backwards when it came to politics, what with how little they knew about the real working world. “And listen,” Levi continued, “I know you’ve seen her family’s company in all the papers.” “Hell yah, and—” Helen pinched Matt’s side, sensing he was about to spill the beans on their secret. Stella’s family’s company had put Matt out of a job.

They hadn’t told Levi, not because they worried about exerting tension on his relationship, but because they didn’t want him worrying about their financial situation when he should be focusing on making the most of the school that was practically bankrupting them even back when they were employed.

Stella’s father ran an e-commerce empire, and he was the first to finance and pilot test a technology that ended up putting Levi’s father, and virtually all American warehouse workers, out of business. Levi tried not to read too many articles about Stella’s family’s company, both because he knew she didn’t intend to ever work at the business and had no control over what her father did, but mostly because, even still, he wasn’t sure he could totally separate what he might read from how he viewed her.

“No evangelizing, either. She’s Jewish and she’s staying that way.” Levi told them, adamantly. “Now hold it a minute there boy, you’re not taking God out of this house. I’m a proud Christian and I don’t care who knows it.” Matt replied as Helen laid a hand on his shoulder, doing her best to keep him from getting too worked up. She hoped Levi knew he was pushing it. “I’m not saying you can’t be who you are, I’m just saying respect who she is.” Levi said, trying, and failing, to be delicate. Matt looked at Helen in a “Do you hear how he’s talking to me?” Kind of way.

“Alright honey, well, we can’t wait to see you.” Helen said, in attempt to wrap up the conversation before it got too heated. “One more thing.” Levi interjected, before she could hang the receiver back up. “Hanukah starts on December 25th this year, so we’ve got to get one of those… Those candle holders… you know. I think they’re called Minnie Mouses? I’ll ask her. And there’s some stuff you’ll have to cook. It all looks pretty simple though. Most Jewish food comes in a ball shape.”

Matt looked at Helen, now switching roles, trying to keep her calm. “The 25th? Levi, you don’t mean to say she’s spending the Christmas holiday here?” “Yah, she’s spending Christmas break here, what did you think that meant?” Levi replied, confused, and a little irritated that they seemed to be missing the point. “I’m gonna invite you to check your tone, son.” Matt said in a way that made clear it was anything but an invitation.

“She’s welcome to stay until the 23rd.” Helen said, with finality. “She’s traveling something like 12 hours to be here, five days isn’t enough time—” Levi pleaded, but Helen cut him off. “Christmas is a family holiday. We’re going to spend it as a family. It’s not the time to have strangers visiting.”

Levi wanted to force in that Stella was anything but a stranger. He didn’t want to know what Matt would say if he interrupted his mother again, though. “We barely see you since you started school, Lee. We need some time alone with you, too.” Helen finished, quieter than when she’d began. “But it doesn’t make sense for her to fly all that way just to stay for five days.” Levi tried to explain, kicking his backpack across the floor in frustration. “Okay, so she doesn’t have to come at all then. She’s welcome to stay to the 23rd, or she’s welcome to stay home. That’s entirely up to her, she’s her own person.” Matt said. Levi realized he’d better not push his luck.

With the skirmish over, his brothers finally felt comfortable joining in the conversation with their own questions about Stella, mainly things like whether or not she played video games and what type of pizza she ate. Levi noticed his oldest brother, Reese, spoke the least, which probably meant he’d have a lot to say when they spoke privately, later on.

He saw the opportunity to go down the list of do’s and don’ts for the kids and took it. “Yah, yah, she likes video games just fine. She doesn’t like dirt and she doesn’t like things that are sticky. So don’t bring any of that around her, and don’t be asking her all kinds of questions. Ask me and then I’ll tell you if it’s ok to ask her. Or if she’s right there, ask Reese, and he’ll tell you if it’s ok. And again, nothing sticky. She really hates sticky textures. Most importantly, don’t tell her I asked you to do or not do any of this, ok?” The boys rolled their eyes, but tacitly agreed.

Levi thought he was being so smart by going through all the things his family should and shouldn’t do around Stella. His primary concern was that Stella like his family. He figured everyone would like her, what wasn’t to like? And while he’d say the same of any member of his family individually, together, they could be more than dysfunctional. They could be downright abusive.

He wanted to mitigate those behaviors as much as possible, thinking if Stella liked them, they’d like her, and everyone would get off to the best possible start. Instead, he was unknowingly setting himself up for failure, regardless of how the actual trip went.

With each caveat, rule, or formal instruction he put in place, his family read between the lines that who they were was not enough for him to be proud of. This was hurtful to his brothers, but it was paralyzingly terrifying to his parents.

Levi’s parents were sure he’d have broken up with Stella by now. They thought it was nice he was having fun when it was just a casual thing, but the closer they got, the more worried his parents became that they were losing their son to a world inaccessible to them. A world that only accepted people like his girlfriend. Rich, educated, northern people with elite pedigrees and inheritance trusts.

It never occurred to them that Levi might’ve been reaching for that world long before he met Stella. The more he asked them to change themselves to suit her, the more convinced of this notion they became.

In actuality, Stella had never been anything but lovely to his family in the few moments they’d spent together. But her father’s name constantly appearing in the papers as the poster boy of manual labor automation didn’t help her case.

Levi and Stella both understood the deck was stacked against her in certain ways, but neither had a clue that they were contributing to the bias. Helen saw someone trying to take her little boy away to a place she couldn’t visit. Matt saw someone who thought she was better than him, but worse, who was trying to make the boy he’d raised less like him because of it.

Each small modification Levi asked Matt to make for Stella was a way of making the big statement that he was ashamed of who his father was; that it wasn’t the kind of man he wanted Stella to think of him as, or, think he would become. Which meant it wasn’t the kind of man he wanted to become. Which was just about the most hurtful truth Matt could imagine having to swallow.

It was the culmination of the worst fears Matt and Helen had when they sent Levi off to college. They knew he might not return to live in their town in Montana, but they didn’t think he’d start reading French literature and eating organic. They definitely didn’t think he’d get involved with a socialite. So involved that he was bringing her home over the holidays. If only they knew what Levi’s initial reaction to that had been, they’d have never let Stella through their front door.

“So, listen, I just got off the phone with my family.” Levi said, laying down on the couch in Stella’s place. “I think we should spend Christmas with your family instead.” He finished, flopping back as he processed his own words. “What? Did the conversation go that badly?” Stella had asked, surprised. She knew Levi’s family were pretty religious Christians, and she couldn’t imagine Levi not wanting to be home for the holidays.

He could go on for hours about their extravagant traditions, especially since his brothers were still so young. When he talked about Christmas with his family, it was like he was five years old again. “No, I just—” “It’s me, isn’t it.” Stella said, realizing before Levi could finish his sentence.

“No, it’s them. I want to spend the holidays with you, that was the whole point of this.” Levi insisted, sitting up to face her. “I completely understand where they’re coming from.” Stella said. “They don’t really know me and they barely see you. Obviously I wish they’d come to a different decision, but I can’t take you from them over the holidays. You’re their little boy. You’d regret it, trust me. Your family’s holidays sound a lot more fun than mine. Maybe we’ll change their minds before it’s time for me to go, huh?”

Levi tried to find the right words to express his gratitude, but none came. “Plus, the point of this trip wasn’t to spend the whole break together, it was to get your family to like me.” Stella added. “And if I kept you from them on the biggest holiday of the year, it might set us back a bit on that front.” She had no idea how right she was.

The closer their departure date drew; the more nervous Levi became. The list of do’s and don’ts was no longer exclusive to his family. What Levi thought was keeping the peace was actually eroding it like a river in a canyon. He spent more time thinking of things that could go wrong than ways to make things go right, and as a result, was in disaster management mode before there had been any disaster. They hadn’t even stepped on the plane yet and Stella was already itching to put her headphones in to drown him out.

“Don’t mention I spend night. Ever. Like, don’t even let anyone know we hang out alone after dark. But do act like I go to church every week.” Levi was consulting a written checklist. “I can’t lie, Levi.” Stella said, tired, because they’d already had several similar discussions since their day began at 5:00am. “You don’t have to lie, just don’t correct them or act surprised if it comes up. Another thing is, maybe, definitely, don’t bring up environmentalism or climate change. Don’t ask where the recycling is, because they’ll just ask you what recycling is.” All this had a similar impact on Stella as it did to his family. It made her feel as though she wasn’t enough as she was.

It was also discouraging. As though by being who she was, she had already lost. On the one hand, she did think it was sweet that he cared this much and was flattered to realize things were so serious between them that his family’s opinion of her meant such a great deal.

On the other hand, she was disappointed that he wasn’t enamored enough with her to take the good with the bad and let the chips fall where they may. She considered voicing these concerns, but ultimately, she understood that everyone went through some version of this in order to make their partner’s parents happy. If all it took were a few lies by omission to curry favor with a family so patently different from her own, then she could suck it up for five days.

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nomanicsdak · 6 years

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New Post has been published on http://manicdak.com/?p=567

Dak Watches: Rise

Episode 7 (for real): This Will God Willing Get Better

I feel like this title is missing some commas

PS: In case this is something I need to say for something that’s been kicking around in some form since the 19th century: Spoilers for Spring Awakening ahead, FYI

We start off with Mr. M and Tracey placing the poster for the show up on an easel in what I presume is the main lobby of the school, but doesn’t look like the main lobby for a school. I feel like this may be because there was a carpet and potted plants in the background. These are things that just do not mix with hundreds of teenagers trampling through so I don’t know where they are. There may be some schools out there with fancy pants auditoriums separate from the main building, but– I dunno, speaking from experience, small industrial towns in this area of the country don’t tend to pass a lot of levies for extra $$$s. (I’m not bitter). Also, there’s a lot of traffic behind them for a separate auditorium, and this is a lot of paragraph for some small detail, but I just want to know where the hell they are!

Anyway, Mr. M and Tracey are uncharacteristically delighted and taking selfies with the poster when Principal Whatever comes up to them. (I will call him that because not only did he just wave his hand and give Mr. M Tracey’s job, but also did not fire anybody or suspend any students for starting a huge bonfire out of the Pirates of Penzance costumes in the school parking lot.)

Seems as if Spring Awakening isn’t getting much interest in the way of tickets. Mr. M is sure it will all work out since they have a poster now. The title of this episode says otherwise. Later on we will learn that Principal W. has decided that the ticket sales for this show will determine the theatre budget for next year. This isn’t an established thing, it’s just something Principal W. decided just now. He says that Pirates of Penzance sold out the last time, so there should be no problem.

I just think this guy really wanted to see Pirates of Penzance. Perhaps, as principal, he fancies himself the very model of a modern major-general?

(Later Mr. M is shown doing his actual job of teaching English where he then tries to convince the class to buy tix, but it’s as awkward and unsuccessful as you imagine.)

In other Mr. M storylines, it is tech rehearsal week. Tracey gives us the run down of how this is some sort of nightmare portion of putting on a show. I guess where they figure out whatever will go wrong and try to get everything working smoothly.

Mr. M jumps right over her and is all: Let’s do it! The whole show! Go!

Tracey informs him that this is not how it works. They take it a portion at a time– But you know Mr. M. Go big or go home I guess. Murphy’s law quickly descends upon him. The band drowns out the singers, the prop master forgets his props, a lift is super noisy, and QB (Name Robbie!) has forgotten everything he ever learned about acting in this short time. Mr. M tells him he’s doing great anyway, I suppose so he doesn’t flee back to football. It’s basically a disaster. They go back to Tracey’s idea of working a bit at a time.

We will meet back up with Mr. M and his impending breakdown when we get to his son

Now for the kiddos

Lilette / QB / Star (Gwen!!): Well, Lilette herself doesn’t get a lot to do in this ep except trying to convince Robbie that he isn’t a terrible actor. I think deep down he knows that he isn’t at his best. He’s got a lot of football feels right now though. He’s still benched. Thanks, Mr. M for the amazing advice.

Anyway, it’s her mom that gets more focus this time. She does have an awkward encounter with Coach (Sam!) in the Motel walkway, where he offers to move to a different location if being there is too much. She says that’s not necessary, and the next thing you know the affair is back on! I’m not sure where we’re going here, because it seems like he does actually like her, he is still getting divorced, and yet doesn’t take the ring off. Maybe it’s the guilt trips that Gwen is throwing at him in a steady stream that’s keeping it on his finger, probably he’s just a cheating douche. In any case, these two seem to spend almost the entire episode holed up in his room, and Lilette only appears to ask where her mom has been all night one morning when she finally does return home.

Mom doesn’t tell her that she’s gotten back with El Cheatoh and just pretends that she popped out early to get Lilette’s favorite breakfast sandwich and coffee. Lilette is not suspicious at all, she’s just grateful beams proudly at her and thanks her for taking a job she didn’t want to help a daughter out. Oh, Lilette.

Later on, Gwen feels like she’s been too hard on her dad this whole time, not getting rides with him to and from school and giving him the cold shoulder for the divorce. She decides to bring him a piece of pizza and happens to see Lilette’s mom there. I presume he doesn’t get the pizza and the cold shoulder is back on. She hasn’t started taking it out on Lilette again yet. We shall see.

Meanwhile, Pregnant girl (Sasha!) is standing at her locker and her boyfriend is giving her money and telling her to take care of it. She hasn’t yet decided whether or not she’s keeping the baby. Michael (who wasn’t really in the last ep.) is watching this all go down and he tries to get her to open up, she’s not having it and doesn’t want to discus it with him, but he twigs on to her pregnancy pretty quickly. He wants to talk/help/be there for her, but she just brushes him off.

Later on at the pizza place — I forgot why they were all even there, but a bunch of them end up there at some point — Sasha’s boyfriend shows up and basically blabs her entire business to everybody because she’d sent him a text about how she wasn’t ready to decide quite yet. (He decided so that’s all that matters to him) Michael decides to stand up to him for her, boyfriend decides to get transphobic at Michael, and then Michael slams him up against a decorative glass window that is for some reason right in the middle of the restaurant. Everybody jumps up to prevent this huge fight. It manages not to escalate further than that, but Sasha is mad at Michael. He says he just wanted to help her, but she thinks he was just getting in a fight because it seemed like the guy thing to do and she doesn’t even know who he is anymore.

We find out through the course of this that Sasha and Michael used to be BFFs when they have a heart to heart in a stairwell later on. Sasha’s upset that Michael put distance between them. He was going through a lot of things too at the time realizing he is trans. She was just hurt that he didn’t tell her/give her a chance to understand. I think they made up.

Meanwhile again, we learn that there is a backstage lounge area with a toaster, because Simon is eating burnt toast and Barb (Annabelle!) is making plans to pick up where they left off at the steel mill. Her parents will be out of the house and they will be able to “Rock it” all night. (Her words. Who taught you this euphemism, Annabelle???) Simon agrees to this without melting away from second hand embarrassment, though I do. Rock it????

Over in the lounge area, his scene partner — Nobody has said his name in this episode or the last one that I can recall! Who is he? Is he too just coming to realizations of sexuality? Was he already out? What is up? — Anyway, he is getting the gossip about how Annabelle and Simon totally did it in the foreman’s office at the steel mill. He naturally wants to confront Simon about this once they are alone.

They get in an argument about who kissed whom and Simon basically confirms the rumors. Why not; she is his girlfriend after all. But what about the scene / flirting during rehearsal???

Guy is all hurt and upset and tells Simon not to touch him or anything during the scene anymore. Simon pretends like he doesn’t know why this person with a major crush on him who thought they were having flirtations doesn’t want to act in a romantic scene with him anymore.

Later, at Annabelle’s, they are in the midst of attempting to ‘Rock it’ but it’s just not happening. Simon at the last second of seconds just cannot go through with it. He tries the ‘it’s not you, it’s me line’ and she just yells at him to get the hell away from her. He leaves with a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Back at Mr. M’s home for wayward teens, Maashous has broken a dryer in an attempt to dry his shoe (He stepped in paint during the disaster rehearsal at the beginning of the ep.) He catches Mrs. M. yelling about the $400 estimate to fix the thing and later is attempting to fix it in the middle of the night for her. She catches him, he admits he’s the one who broke it, and she gets stern and tells him that they don’t lie in this house.

Maashous gets sassy and says he missed the no lying sign. It’s a tense situation.

He also gets a call from his actual foster mom. Y’know the one who’s committing fraud by getting $$ for a kid she’s not watching? Anyway, they have to meet with social services! It’s not terrible news– or maybe it is. Turns out his mom, who has been in jail since he was a wee lad, is out now. She’s doing well and has a place and they are going to be reunited! In another town. Maashous seems reluctant about this of course. He’s in a good place right now.

After getting yelled at for the dryer, Mrs. M catches him packing. She gives him a hug, tells him to put his stuff away, and that they are family now even if they sometimes get mad at each other, that doesn’t mean they get kicked out. Clearly this is a new definition of family for Maashous.

He doesn’t tell anybody about his mom.

And Finally, Mr. M’s alcoholic son, Gordy. He’s in rehab and seems to be in a good place too. Everything is going great! He makes eyes at Gwen. She confronts him and he says she ‘calms him down’. When she catches him doing laundry at school they run away to a have sex somewhere on a lovely Pennsylvanian beach. (Please let there be only one teen pregnancy storyline, please.)

Later we learn that Gordy hasn’t actually been doing great in rehab. The team leader there says that though he gets along with everybody, he’s just going through the motions. His heart isn’t in it.

Mr. M is mad and takes that misplaced anger out on the kids during rehearsal. Especially Robbie. To start things off on the wrong foot, Simon and that Guy’s scene is basically in shambles now. Apparently it was the only scene that was working thus far. The icing on this terrible cake is Robbie still having trouble with the cemetery scene. Tracey doesn’t even want to work on this scene to end rehearsal, but you know Mr. M. He gets what he wants. Anyway, Robbie is acting the death of his best friend and the love of his life with all the emotion of sturdy plank of wood. Mr. M just goes off on him and dumb football (his heart isn’t in the show! just like Gordy’s heart isn’t in rehab. Get it?).

Football is something Robbie cares about a lot though, so he storms off yelling about how he gave up everything for the dumb play. Mr. M storms off because the whole thing has become a shit show and starts scattering props all over the prop room. Tracey catches him and tells him to stop it, and like a giant man baby he dumps more props out right in front of her. The play sucks, they aren’t selling tickets, everything is doomed and they should have just done Grease.

Probably.

Tracey attempts to inject a little optimism into the proceedings and tells him they just sold 30 tickets! Yay! hahah, turns out Mr. M bought those tickets. It’s all a disaster. Tracey thinks they should just go back down and finish rehearsal because Robbie isn’t the only kid counting on him. Mr. M says no and walks away. Duuude. I. Can’t. Even.

Now’s your chance, Tracey! Take back the drama program!

She kind of does. As Mr. M is leaving the school he hears the strains of music. He returns the rehearsal where the kids are doing a great job at one of the songs. He stands there, very touched by their performance, with one tear rolling down his cheek.

Next time: Will Gordy get a lecture? Will Maashous go home? Who’s going to be mad at Simon this time? I have but one more name to learn; will I learn it??

WILL things get better????

#Dak Watches #Rise #TeeVee

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actual-flying-grayson · 6 years

Text

Hello friends! This is one of my first short stories, it’s a topic I’m very passionate about. Please enjoy!

BROKEN

“I hate therapy,” I thought to myself, not for the first time that day, as I loaded myself into the car. The thought continued to swirl around in my head as I continued the short drive to Doctor Zimmer’s office. She insisted I call her Diane, even though I persistently made it clear I didn’t want anything to do with having a closer working relationship with her. Her infectious optimism was always somewhat off-putting, which is probably why my family wanted me to see her.

I folded the arms of my hoodie around my chest as I fought to keep the chill at bay as I slid out of my car. I braced myself mentally for the next grueling hour of tedious questions.

‘Just one last session, just one last session.’

The thought repeated in my mind over and over again, like a toddler practicing a newfound rhyme. Today was the last day I would have to see Doctor Zimmer, excuse me, Diane, and I honestly couldn’t be more relieved.

I didn’t have to sit in the waiting room for terribly long, thank God. The secretary brought me back and I flopped down into the squishy orange armchair I’d become so well acquainted with in the past ten weeks. Doctor Zimmer greeted me in her usual way.

“How are you this morning, Levi?” All shiny white teeth and just a little too much mascara. I mumbled something resembling a response as I kept my eyes on my dirty tennis shoes. We then proceeded to slog through about forty-five minutes of the same garbage as the past three months. The continuous picking apart and unpacking of my neuroses, my trust issues, my emotional distancing, blah, blah, blah. Towards the end, she folded one leg over the other and fixed a look on me from over her clipboard.

“Levi, what is it that you think is wrong with you?” She took off her glasses and looked at me more intently. Is she trying to be maternal? Comforting? I had no idea, but God did I wish she would look somewhere else, she was making me uncomfortable.

“Honestly ‘Diane’ for a hundred and fifty bucks an hour, I’d kinda like to know what the hell you think.”

She pursed her lips into a thin red line and was silent for several seconds. “Well Levi, I think you’re dysfunctional.”

“Meaning what, exactly?”

“Meaning, frankly, that you’re just a little bit broken. That’s ok though, everybody is, to some degree or another.” She said the last sentence with her token optimism and tried to reach for my hand, which I deftly withdrew into the pockets of my jacket. She awkwardly withdrew her hand back to her own lap and tried for another confident smile, which died on red lips almost as soon as it started. She settled for a look resembling that of pity, and looked at the clock above the door. “Well Levi, it seems we’re out of time for today, I’m sorry. Now, I know this is your last session and all, but if you ever need anything don’t hesitate to call and set up another appointment. Have a Merry Christmas!”

I gave her a polite smile as I rose from the chair and walked decisively back out into the cold to my car.

BROKEN

What the hell was that supposed to mean, ‘everyone is a little bit broken’? What a load of shit. I unlocked the front door of my apartment to hear the sound of my roommate watching a movie in the living room. I shook the snow off my shoes and stepped in to see him and his girlfriend cuddled on the couch, just as absolutely adorable as could be. Lovely.

DYSFUNCTIONAL

“Hey man, how was your doctor’s appointment?” I heard from the couch as I set my car keys down on the kitchen table.

“It was fine. Hopefully I won’t have to go back. Finger’s crossed, right? If you need me I’ll be in my room doing some stuff for work.”

“Aw come on, why don’t you take a break? Come and finish the movie with us,” my roommate’s girlfriend said in a chipper voice as she made some space on the couch for me. I shot her a small smile but didn’t respond as I ducked into my room. I clicked on my computer and sat down to write. I’ve been attempting to become a writer, in the pursuit of a long awaited dream. I was well aware that my writing skills were absolute garbage, and I was strangely comfortable with that. I’d had a couple short stories published in some local magazines, but nothing very popular. My brother had gotten all the writing talent in the family, having written and published several novels already.

I should have listened to my mother and become an English teacher instead.

LONELY

I blinked my eyes several times as the word faded from my mind, and shook my head softly to clear out the cobwebs. I had been writing for several hours when I decided that I should probably take a break and get something to eat. It had been a long day and I figured that I had earned a bit of a treat, so I grabbed my wallet and coat from off of my bed. I opened my bedroom door and stepped into the living room, very pointedly making quite a lot of noise. If I didn’t interrupt them every so often with my presence I’d have to have the couch steam cleaned again, and that tended to get expensive.

I grabbed my keys off of the table and closed the door behind me as I left. I started off at a steady pace, shoulders bunched beneath the cold. I had my hands in the pockets of my hoodie, curled into fists around my cell phone and keys. I felt the short, pulsating buzz of my phone vibrating, and pulled it out to answer. I looked at the photo ID before answering and wilted ever so slightly as my brother’s name lit up the screen.

“Hello?”

“Hey! Levi, how are you? How was your appointment?”

“Hiya Daniel, it went well thanks. I’m doing fine I guess, yourself? I saw online that you just got another book out, that’s got to be exciting”

He gave a short laugh, “Yeah I suppose so. I don’t suppose you’ve gotten the opportunity to read it yet, have you?”

He knew damn well that I hadn’t, same with the last four books. For the sake of our relationship though it was easier to tell him what he wanted to hear. “I actually picked up a copy yesterday, I was just going out to grab some dinner and get started on it.”

“Hey, that’s awesome. You gotta let me know what you think, alright. Hey, have you heard from Kaitlyn lately?”

Ex-girlfriend. “No, not in months, why?”

“Funny enough I bumped into her not that long ago.” There was a soft giggle from the background, I rolled my eyes and tried to conceal my disgust.

“That’s great. Hey, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later, alright?”

“Sure thing brother. Call Mom, she worries. Merry Christmas, Levi.”

“We’re Jewish, Dan. We don’t celebrate-“

More giggling. “That’s great man, talk to you later!”

BROKEN

The line clicked off and I put my phone away as I pushed open the door to my destination: a small diner down the street from my apartment. It was clean, friendly, and most importantly, cheap. I picked one of the red vinyl booths along the wall and placed my order. While I waited for it to come out, I continued to think about my doctor’s appointment that day, as well as everything else that had been going on lately.

BROKEN

I am thirteen years old. I am home by myself. I am watching the snow come down outside, hoping school is cancelled tomorrow. I see a familiar car pull up outside. One of my older brother’s friends. She is much cooler than me, because she is in high school. Her name is Brandy, and she is easily the nicest of all of my brother’s friends. Most of them ignore me because I’m still pretty young, but Brandy is always nice to me. I think she is very pretty. She comes out of her car and walks up to the house and rings the doorbell, but I’m already at the door. Daniel and my parents are out of the house right now, and I am by myself. I am not allowed to have people in the house when I’m alone, but Brandy is different. I open the door.

“Hey, buddy, wake up. You’re freaking out the other diners.” I snap out of my reverie to look at the source of the voice. It’s my waiter, who appears to have brought my food. I mumble my apology and set about eating quickly so I can go home. Suddenly I’m very nervous, and I have no reasonable justification for it. I haven’t thought about her in, God how long ago was that? I thought I’d forgotten everything about her. She used to be pretty cool until her and my brother lost touch after graduation. I wonder what she’s up to now?

Hot breath on my neck. My voice is catching in my throat. I am crying, even though Dan said that men aren’t supposed to cry.

I blink again, and give my food one last look before I get up to pay. I hurriedly leave the diner and start the walk home. I should have driven instead, even though it’s such a short distance, the snow is beginning to fall even harder. I jam my hands in my pockets and pull my hood up to cover my ears. I need to get home quickly, but I don’t know why, I just fell so strange tonight. Stupid damn therapist, I never should’ve gone in the first place.

BROKEN

I can fix you Levi. Sad little Levi.

I shake my head again as I almost bump into a middle-aged woman walking briskly with her young son. She takes one look at me before pulling her son closer and hurrying away. How odd, I’ve never had that happen to me before. People are probably on edge because of the storm. I know that I am. Tonight has been weirdly reminiscent for me, I don’t normally get like this. I just need to get home and warm up before I freeze out here.

I make the rest of the journey back to my apartment quickly and quietly, avoiding other people on the sidewalk as much as possible. For some reason I scared that woman, and I don’t want to do that to anybody else tonight. I unlock the door to my apartment and all of the lights are off as I step into the living room and drop my keys onto the table. I click on a light and sit down at the table to look at the small stack of mail on the table as I warm up slowly but surely. I hear a small muffled noise come from my roommate’s room and I stop to try and identify it. Again, I hear a faint, feminine sigh, followed by the creaking of a slightly too old mattress.

DYSFUNCTIONAL

I whimper softly. I am very scared, and I don’t know what to do, and I just wish that my family would come home. “Shhh, be quiet. You don’t want someone to hear us, do you?” I try to quiet myself. Her hands are everywhere, as her mouth presses to mine. I am still crying and I cannot stop. I want to stop. I want everything to stop. I can’t stop though, I can’t stop the crying. I can’t stop anything. I am too weak.

I’ve been out too long and my hands are stiff, so I decide to warm them up by trying to write some more. I walk into my room and sit down at my laptop.

“You’re not exactly you’re brother but I guess you’ll do. Hold still.”

I open up my latest story and give it a quick scan before placing my cursor at the beginning and hammering the delete button over and over again until the page is blank. Then I open up another one of my stories and give it the same treatment. Then again, and again. Over and over until my finger is numb. The calm, rational part of my brain speaks to me, telling me that I’ll be alright. For the first time in my life however, I am able to easily silence that little voice. The only bit of rationality I am able to summon at the moment is the inability to cry. Thank God, I won’t do that again.

I stand up from my desk and grab my keys off the table. I need to get out for a bit, get some fresh air. The cold air stings my arms as I realize that I’ve forgotten my jacket. It doesn’t matter, I won’t be out for very long anyway. Just long enough to clear my head, to sort out what the hell is going on. Where are these thought’s coming from? Are these memories even mine? I haven’t thought about Brandy in so long. I haven’t remembered in even longer.

I don’t know what happened next.

I woke up in a hospital, with soft leather cuffs holding my hands to the edge of a white bedframe that reeked of sterility. My whole body was numb, and I assumed that it was from the cold. I tried to lift my left arm, only to feel the dense weight of so many white cotton gauze bandages pulling against the cuff on the bed. ‘Oh’, I think to myself, ‘I see’. I’ve been here before, but not in a very long time. Not since I was a teenager at least. The memories of the night before hammer into my chest with the force of a runaway train. A nurse bustles into the room once they see that I’m awake.

The next several days passed in a relative haze, although I never did seem to get much of a moment’s peace. Several doctors at a time would come in to speak with me about what had happened. Once everyone got all of the information they wanted, I was allowed visitors. At first it was only my parents, but slowly others came to visit as well. My roommate, my brother, some of the other friends I had grown close to in my life.

After I recovered physically, the doctor’s wanted me moved to a separate facility to sort out what happened. It took some time, but eventually I got everything out that needed to get out. Things that I had forgotten, things that I had put away even from myself. One of the psychiatrist’s asked me if I wanted to tell my parents, or if I wanted someone else to do it. I figured that it should come from me, in order to help with the healing process. Either my healing process or theirs, I’m not sure. My parents were angry, and confused, and hurt that I hadn’t said anything. I think Daniel blames himself. A small part of me thinks that maybe he should.

I have since been released from the hospital. I suppose I should say hospitals, plural. While there I was able to get help, which is probably what I needed. I am still broken. Very, very broken. I’m repairing myself though, slowly. so slowly it hurts sometimes, but I can look myself in the eyes now without fear, and that’s progress. Damn it if still don’t hate therapy though.

If you’ve made it this far through my story, then thank you! I appreciate the time and attention. If you enjoyed it, please let me know! If you have any constructive criticism, please do the same, I’m constantly trying to improve. I hope this can help some of you out there, have a good night.

#short story #my experience #broken #warning #therapy #mental health

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