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marvelousfangirl01 · 2 years

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ACKERMAN’S LAMENT (Chapter 14: Healing (Becoming Healthy Again))

Thank you for reading my passion project that's spanned almost an entire year, through writing and uploading. I can't say this is all fiction, nor is it completely true, but there is some level of personal investment in this story. I am sad to be finished with this fic, but happier than ever to write more.

I had such a blast posting Ackerman's Lament over the past few months, and meeting so many Levihan and AoT fans. Your comments, reblogs, and asks make it all worth it -- even the painstaking processes of formatting and editing. I will be writing another project, for this fandom or for others. Long or short, I haven't decided yet?? But this fic started short and then turned into a 5-digit word count. Sometimes it is a struggle to find the inspiration to start a whole new story, but I think I know where I want to go. :')

Hugs and love to you all <3

(and I hope the Levihan interactions in this chapter didn't ruin the whole story for you oooooops)

(they were very heartbreaking to write at times)

RATING: M for Graphic Depictions of Violence

Also available at https://archiveofourown.org/works/39566685/chapters/104391102#workskin :)

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The bloody smell in the air was enough to make anyone else dizzy, but Levi had spent enough time in Hange Zoë’s lab that he was desensitized.

“Are you going to rat me out, Captain?” Hange teased as she swept a stack of papers aside on her desk. “I’m not even supposed to be in here.”

Levi crossed his arms in the doorway. There was no point in reporting Hange’s insubordination because at this point, she was functioning on her own. Save for sleeping in the cot while being monitored in the evenings, Hange had performed her daily tasks nearly normally since last week. She even snuck out to visit a new titan who had been sent in for her personal observation.

A month and a half prior to today, Levi didn’t think she’d ever make it to this point. Yet here they were: Hange barely using her crutches and skittering through her lab just like before.

Hange knelt down to retrieve a grubby beaker from the bottom shelf. Pretty soon, Levi would need to clean the lab again. Dust had grown on numerous surfaces. The couple hadn’t been back in a decently long time, since Hange had insisted on working outside more than indoors. Sunburnt skin once again proved the multiple hours spent in the reach of the sun. She’d wanted to spend time with the new titan, and staked its relationship with her upon the grounds of torture techniques and physical pain.

As usual, Levi accompanied her in her antics (at her request). But unlike before their near-death experience, Moblit was nowhere to be seen—ever. That is, unless Levi was absent. And according to Hange, something had been blatantly wrong with Moblit since he returned from the mission. He was noticeably more squeamish than usual, and on top of that, couldn’t stand to work with Levi.

Not only was Moblit’s new behavior harmful to Hange’s research, but it was also not doing favors for the camaraderie of the Survey Corps. And it wasn’t hard for Levi—or Hange, for that matter—to connect the dots. Though both of them already had.

Hange wrestled through the shelf without looking up at Levi, but taking obvious care to spend an extra moment on her hands and knees with her lower half angled toward him.

“You look good in those trousers—” Levi stalked toward her and pulled her head up. “But I know what you’re doing.”

Blushing and laughing like a madwoman, Hange shoved her glasses up her nose and stood up. “What’s the matter with you?” She probed him. Hange dropped not one, but two beakers onto her desk. Somehow she managed to hold them all in one hand while pointing a finger at her loved one. They clattered into place next to a wiring system Hange had designed weeks before their scouting mission into the forest. Along with so many other tools and topics that had once garnered Hange’s interest, it was sitting idly. “We’re going to go back outside momentarily, so it’s understandable that you’re more frustrated with me than usual. But first I need the supplies to collect samples out there… so we have a minute.” Hange rolled up her sleeves, and Levi instantly knew it wasn’t because she was about to start working.

“I’m not frustrated with you,” Levi said, and rolled his eyes in kind. “I’m rarely ever frustrated with you.”

She wanted to confront him.

Hange sighed and stabbed the side of her desk with her boot. It rattled the beakers, sending a chilling accent through the room. “Your envy—”

“Wait— it’s about this?” Levi took an accusatory step back. All of a sudden his head was going to explode, a pinpoint of hot pain centered right at the front of his forehead. “The hell? You brought me outside for days on end to work with you, but you’ve just been examining me like one of your titans. You want to get me in deep shit with Erwin, don’t you?”

“There would be no threat of Erwin if you had nothing to hide. Eventually you’ll have to work with Moblit again and he’ll reel at the thought of another mission with you. And then command will find out and suddenly it all comes back to you, Levi…” Hange’s voice grew soft as she ended the sentence.

“How do you even know about Moblit?” Levi whispered rabidly. Unlike Hange, he wasn’t growing quiet because of respect. His anger was cold, calculated, and right now it was directed at Hange, who had apparently turned on him. “Tell me what you did. Tell me what you know.”

Hange’s voice returned to a loud, slightly manic tone. “Why are you so upset over this? You can’t morally compromise another soldier and expect there to be no repurcussions—personal or work-related. It’s obvious what you’ve done, Levi. You have this… this tendency to get so frightened over one person, pin all your hopes on them, and then go crazy if something happens to them or they’re threatened in any way.”

Why is she so upset? Maybe she really is getting attached to Moblit…

“God.” Levi ran his hands through his sweaty hair. He growled, “I’ve spent weeks— no, months— going back and forth in my head about whether or not you love someone else—”

“When did love ever come into play?”

“See?! This is exactly what I mean. You don’t truly care about either of us. All you care about is your shitty titan research and if anyone’s life comes into play—including your own—you take great pleasure in acting like everything is fine. Whereas when I do it, when I care about you but have to keep it under wraps, I become the one in the wrong here.”

Hange growled and shoved her hands into her hair. “Stop fighting me!” She spat. “Why do you get so defensive over me?! I can’t handle it anymore! You traumatized Moblit, anyone can tell that for a fact. Moblit is my lab assistant. Levi, I can’t act like I hate him if that’s what would put your mind at rest. He’s around me all the time. He obsesses over making sure we’re on time and his literal job is to protect me.

“Of course I’d rather have you as my assistant—it would make our relationship a lot less difficult—but I must work with what I have. I can’t help that you’re insecure about our relationship, but you can’t take it out on anyone else.” Hange continued. She lowered her head. “Except me.”

She kept talking but Levi couldn’t listen anymore. The walls of Hange’s lab were eating him alive. Was this the same feeling soldiers experienced if they were about to die in a titan’s slobbery mouth, without the chance to tell their partners or families they loved them? He’d gotten away with the crimes he’d committed in the Underground, but up here, it seemed it was his fate to get caught and hurt because of it.

Everything was coming back to him. Hange was right, and soon it would result in him being excommunicated from the Survey Corps and sent to rot in the Underground. Or jail, that is, if Moblit had the gut to report Levi’s torturous acts of when he was supposed to be healing a squad partner.

Fire. Levi’s eyes were on fire. He hadn’t known that feeling, hadn’t even brushed against it in many years. It was so overwhelming he felt like he might keel over.

“Levi!”

They were on the floor, Levi’s face crumpled and tears puddling in the cracks between the floorboards. Hange’s hand on his back settled his breath, but he couldn’t stop the mist from flowing out of his eyes.

“Fuck…” Levi buried his head in his hands. His knuckles cracked against his temple. Once, twice, three times.

“Stop it!” Hange cried while ripping his hand away and held it in her own. With surprising strength, she grabbed the other one too, wrestled him away from himself, and folded both of his hands in her own lap.

“You’ve given him so much control over your life. Why?” Hange murmured. Tender for her usually overwhelming personality. She kissed the ridges of Levi’s knuckles, another move that was slightly out of character. “I can’t… I can’t imagine something taking over me like that.”

“But it still happens to you, Hange.” Levi scraped his tears away with the back of his hand, frustrated. She couldn’t—and would never—understand the feeling of sickness in his stomach if Moblit stood an inch too close to Hange. It felt universes apart from the dissociative state Levi entered upon any physical threat to Hange, but when the two emotions were compared, he really didn’t find much of a difference. “You let the titans have so much power over you that you forget to sleep, eat—hell, you probably forget to breathe.”

Hange’s eyes glowed with a sad look in them. “Maybe you need to stop worrying about me so much and just try to stay alive. Without emotionally damaging other soldiers.”

He cleared his eyes again. “Hange, I can’t. It’s not that easy. It’s automatic, it’s like… this rational side of my brain is constantly in an argument with the side that wants to kill Berner.” His pulse thudded in his ears so loudly he could hardly think over it. Levi held out his hands weakly.

“It’s not the first time. Maybe this is just who I am… destined to lose everyone, so the only thing I can do is pretend I can actually do something about it.”

Hange’s eyes squinted, studying him, and her head tilted ever so slightly. “And you really don’t like that very much, do you?”

“No. But what can I do to stop it? Or at the very least, stop it from hurting you again?”

“You can’t do anything.” Hange fixed her gaze on the tears on the floor. “I’ve seen that shift forever. You’re right: it’s a part of you. You change from a man who’s lost everything to a man with nothing to lose. But each time that happens, you actually push us away… you push me away.”

“You’re all I have.” Levi swallowed his words. “I can’t do that again.”

“I’m always with you, though. Regardless of you pushing me away. I am right here, with you, and I’ll stay in your corner as long as you ask.” Hange nudged a finger beneath Levi’s sharp chin. “I guess I’m letting you take over me, now, aren’t I?” She laughed softly, an exhale more than anything else.

“No.” Levi set the room quiet again with his stern tone. “You’re not. That’s just the nature of this life we live. We have to stay… no matter what.”

They would always face this doom, Levi mused. With the titans looming over humanity and threatening to kill at any time, death was a familiar face. And Hange and Levi had unfortunately both devoted their lives to the Survey Corps—a lifelong suicide mission. Having a relationship amid the violence had always proven difficult, but when Levi’s emotions entered the scene, it became even more treacherous than it had ever been.

And yet she was still here listening to him weep.

“So I’ll stay, then,” Hange whispered, lips scuffing against his cheek as she touched her face to his.

“Are you about to cry?”

“No.” She batted him on the chest.

He held her tight on the back. “I’ll stay, too.” If Levi let go now, he feared they would lose the meaning of the conversation they’d just had.

His tears wouldn’t fall again for a very long time. And how had they ended up here, right in the same place where they’d held so many arguments and deflowered each other night after night? These four walls of Hange’s lab had seen their most vulnerable moments as a pair.

“Hey… I love you.”

With a soaring lift to his emotions, Levi realized what his partner had just said. And had no problem saying it back.

Maybe he did owe it all to Berner, the one who gave him the most perplexed fury he’d ever encountered in his life. At least the boy taught him what this relationship meant to him when it faced the backdrop of gore and death.

“I love you too, Hange.”

Finally, for more than an instant, Ackerman felt like he had nothing to fear.

The bath water was ice-cold. For once, Hange didn’t have any hesitations before stepping inside. Levi watched as her toes disappeared into the foam, then her calves, thighs, hips, and finally her shoulders. She laughed lazily as soap tickled her chin.

Once more the moonlight seemed to accompany them in their nightly escapades. It shone on the chipping porcelain of the tub and on Hange’s grin. At this hour, and on this end of the base, no one was around except the two of them. Levi lathered the bath with his soap and admired the smell it produced around him and Hange, securing them like a blanket.

He’d promised her a bath, after all.

“Come on, Levi.” Hange extended a hand to him, dripping some of the water onto the floor of the bathroom. “Get in!”

“I already took a shower today, shitty-eyes,” Levi muttered with a smirk, but nevertheless removed his uniform to join her in the water.

#levihan #rivahan #levi ackerman #hange zoe #commander hange #angst #jealousy #implied smut #possessive #moblit berner #mobuhan #aot fanfiction #fanfiction

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thegnat · 4 months

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i should write levihan fan fiction

#i haven’t even finished my solangelo yet though and it’s been years

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lavenderhummingbird · 3 years

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it’s storming and i’m thinking:

after rts hange is terrified of storms and the thunder that is sure to follow because it remind them of bertholdt’s transformation

the horror of the eardrum smashing sound relived with every clap and crackle

and sadly who followed

some nights levi can hear their yelps but he doesn’t want to pry or overstep a boundary until it becomes too much

one night it isn’t a small yelp and then silence it’s a scream

gut wrenchingly awful forcing his hand so he can’t stay aside anymore

he rushed into their room and found them curled up in the corner with trembling hands pressed hard against their ears

they were so drawn inward they don’t even notice him come in but when his fingers brush against theirs they jumped

frightened eyes looked back at him but without thinking hange clung onto him for some sense of sanity

they sat on the cold and wood floor entangled until the storm died down and hange was able to fight through their sobs using levi to ground themself

just two souls

two bodies helping one another fit back into the world no matter how horrific it was

anyway haha i hope you enjoyed my lil storm hc dump and don’t mind the no punctuation i really was just dumping my thoughts

#fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction #writing #writer #ao3 fanfic #ao3 #author #fan fic #aot #hc #headcanon #levihan #hange x levi #hange zoe #levihan aot #levi ackerman #idk bye

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sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers · 2 years

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nothing I repeat nothing gets my waterworks going like a character who is close to death whose loved one has already died and the character who lived sees them again in a dream or in daily life and they’re meeting again and meet eyes or smile at each other and you realise slowly that the character who lived has actually passed in their sleep or in an accident. I’m thinking the end of titanic, haunting of hill house kind of thing. It causes a lump in my throat so big I’m afraid I might actually choke

#I used to think if my mum ever passed when she was away from me id see her in my dream that night and that’d be my chance to say goodbye #I was 9 when these thoughts would start happening #wtf was wrong w me #personal #levihan #fan fiction

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syrant · 2 years

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Eh, just something I wrote up. I actually haven’t really advertised my writing here, not that I remember. Anyway that one is entirely safe but there’s certainly a majority of my writing that you won’t want to be reading at work. Or maybe you do, who knows. Shine on, you crazy diamonds.

#Shingeki no Kyojin #Attack on Titan #Fan fiction #fanfic #LeviHan #Hopefully its something others can enjoy

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potato-an0n · 3 years

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Hi, so I came across Escapism from Steven Universe and this question came up "what if this was what Hange was thinking throughout s4 as commander that lead to her fate in ch 132?" (or at least, that's what she convinces herself to think). Especially when Hange would say "I'm tired."

AO3 link here

I guess I have to face

That in this awful place

I shouldn't show a trace

Of doubt

"I'm saying the next commander of the Survey Corps, will be you, Hange Zoe," Erwin announces.

Hange looked at him shocked and a bit unsure.

"Eh? Me? But I don't understand.....do I even have the qualifications to even lead a whole military branch? Is there anyone else you could've picked? Like Armin!" Hange says, feeling unsure if he made the right choice choosing her for this role.

Erwin shook his head and gave her a serious look.

"Hange, you are more than capable of taking on this role. You have a brilliant mind, the experience of leadership, you're calm under pressure, you trained with the Scouts the longest therefore our soldiers know and respect you. I have great faith and confidence you'll lead humanity to victory."

"Oi, Hange."

Hange snaps out of her thoughts and looks around her office to see Levi standing at the doorway, making his way towards her desk.

"Oh Levi hi. Sorry, I've been caught up with all this paperwork. It's a lot more work than being a mad titan scientist researcher," Hange says letting out an exhausted chuckle. Levi knows that look all too well, so he lets out sigh, went in front of where she was sitting and leaned back against her desk.

"When was the last time you slept? Or bathed? You smell like shit, not like that's new," Levi commented. Hange chuckled a bit at his usual sarcasm. "Good to know you're still your usual grumpy, clean freak self," she says as she lets out a sad smile but then returned to a frown when she felt the stress get to her.

"Hey Levi, do you think....maybe Erwin made a mistake? That maybe-"

Hange felt him grab onto her shoulders and looked into his eyes in shock.

"Listen here four eyes and listen well, if anyone can take Erwin's place it's you. I don't know who told you or if someone said anything, but the Scouts need you! Paradis needs you! We need you...." As Levi finished his little speech, he felt Hange face planting into his chest. He sighs and rub his hand over her greasy head.

A few minutes has passed and Hange wasn't saying anything. Levi was starting to get concerned.

"Oi, you better not be asleep!"

Hange grumbled a bit," but I feel so comfortable right now, just a few more minutes please."

Levi pushed Hange's shoulders back away from his chest, "tch, not with your hair all gross and filthy, go take a shower."

"But the paperwork-"

"Will still be there when you're done, plus you need a break."

Hange pouts but gives in, "fine." However, an idea sparked in her head as she got up, so she gave Levi a mischievous grin and he knew exactly what that meant.

Before she could say anything, Levi found a towel and threw at her.

"Don't even think about it!"

Hange bursted out laughing as she took the towel off her head and left. She didn't notice Levi softly smiling to himself when he heard her genuinely laugh for the first time in a while.

But pulled against the grain

I feel a little pain

With Eren grabbing her by the collar screaming if she has a plan, the whole island doubting her leadership, trying to figure out Eren and Zeke's true plan, Levi being away technically babysitting Zeke, and the sudden rise of the Yeagarists, it was all too much for her handle, not to mention, she’s still grieving over the loss of Moblie and Erwin, but here she is, locked up in a jail cell with the remaining 104th squad, Niccolo and Onyonkapon.

After hearing more about the Yeagar brothers' plan to enable the rumbling, she was furious! 'Are you fucking kidding me?! Mass genocide?!!!’

After all the sacrifices, all the countless lives risked just to keep him safe, it all leads up to this. She needs to get out of here and come up with a plan to stop this.

Luckily, she and everyone else were able to get out of jail, only for her to stumble upon a lying body in the grass, who happens to be Levi.

Panicked, she ran straight to him and felt his pulse, praying to God she’ll feel a pulse, but she did and allowed herself to relax a bit.

“I have no idea what happened, but we’re lucky, our number one threat here is all bloodied up,” Hange heard Floch said.

“Lets shoot him in the head!” a Yeagarist exclaimed.

“He’s dead,” Hange announces after hearing the Yeagarists wanting to kill Levi. ‘Like hell they’ll lay one finger on him.’

“He got caught in the explosion of a thunder-spear point blank range. I’ve seen similar accidents during training, but beyond external wounds. Internal organs would be ripped into shreds and death would be instant,” Hange tries her best to convince Floch, but he doesn’t buy it.

“I can also take his pulse. Let me check,” he says eyeing her suspiciously.

Hange looked at him in panic and had to think quick. She spotted the river next to her and quickly dove in.

That I would rather do without

She emerges from the water with Levi in her arms. She laid him down and began the CPR procedures.

“Come on Levi! Don’t die on me please!” She screams as she continues giving him CPR. Tears were falling down her face and when she felt hopeless, Levi started coughing up water and Hange flipped him to his side as he catches his breath.

When he was able to breathe a little bit easier, Hange wraps her arms around his neck and starts bawling her eyes out. “Thank god you’re alive!”

Levi turned to look at her, caressing her hair as he laid back on the ground to allow his body to relax a bit, despite the pain he feels on his face and hands. As he feels Hange’s sobs die down, he felt her head get heavier on his chest. He smiles and quietly whispers to her “thank you” as they both slip into unconsciousness.

I’d rather be free

“I’d rather the two of us just live here, right Levi?”

Free

“If we keep running and hiding.....where will that get us?”

“Oh, so you heard me talking to myself?”

Free

“I know you four eyes. You won’t be able to stay out of the action.”

‘Fuck, he’s right. Looks like that dream has to wait I guess’

“You’re right.....I can’t.”

Hange’s voice cracked a bit as a tear slides down her cheek.

I’d rather be free

There’s no way the plane will take off in time, and the colossal titans are close!

"The plane! It won't take off!" Onyonkapon exclaims.

"We don't have much time left! The rumbling is getting closer! We need to hurry!" Hange hears someone yell.

"I'm doing the best I can!"

More panicking ensues as Hange is thinking of a plan.

"Your death is the only way the Alliance will survive and save the world."

'My death?'

"You've been suffering for so long Hange. The sudden responsibilities of being commander, while on top of that, grieving the loss of Moblit and Erwin. Don't you want that all to disappear?"

"Wouldn't you rather be free?"

'I can't....'

"It's either you die or everyone else dies."

"What will it be Hange? You have until then to decide."

Hange gripped her hair and gritted her teeth, frustrated with the stressful situation situation she's placed in. The voices in her head, everyone panicking outside, and the sound of the rumbling, it's driving her crazy, she feels her head is about to explode.

'Wouldn't you rather be free?'

'Sacrifice.....myself.....'

Hange takes a look at the colossal titans coming closer, and the plane is still struggling to take off. 'This is the only way huh?'

She thinks about whether she should go through this or not, knowing she'll be leaving the Alliance behind, leaving Levi behind.

They only had each other left. She wanted them to live together when this was all over, but looks like that won't be happening, after all, he did say they couldn't.

"What's the point if we just run and hide?"

"I know you, you won't be able to stay out of the action."

'You're right, Levi. I can't.......we can't....I'll do it.'

After Hange formed her suicide plan, she went to the deck to find the Alliance. She appoints Armin as the 15th commander of the Scouts and headed towards the colossal titans, until she heard footsteps following after. She didn't need to turn around to know it was Levi.

“You understand. It’s finally here, you know? I want to look as cool as possible right now, so please, just let me go will you?”

'I'm sorry Levi."

She waited for his response, scared of what he might say. She saw Levi coming close to her, eyes loosing his color. They look so cold and dead. He raised his right fist and bumped it onto her chest, where her heart is.

“Devote....your heart.”

Hange felt herself about to cry with the way her lips are quivering. Before she could think about changing her mind, she took off, but not without saying one last thing to him.

"Wow, I never heard you say something like that before!" she says as she tries to maintain her positive aura, but who was she kidding?

She ran towards the colossal titans, and flew up in the air with her ODM gear.

She looked below her, feeling their heat.

‘Is this what you wanted right?’

She took a deep breath and smile sadly.

“Titans.....are truly wonderful.”

'I hope you'll forgive me.'

Free

All the emotions she was feeling right now, all that anger, pain, sadness and despair, she let all out as she knocks down every colossal titan one by one.

"What are you really doing this for? To save the alliance or yourself?"

Hange paused for a minute to look at the plane that looks like it's about to take off.

'Am I?'

"Are you?"

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt her cape catch on fire and spreading throughout her body. 'Fuck....well, there's no stopping now.'

With what little strength she had left, she kept fighting, screaming out her emotions with angry yet sad tears spilling out of her eyes as she slices as many colossal titans as she could until she couldn't anymore, falling to her death.

Free

She wakes up to a plane noise, and sees it flying in the sky.

“The plane!” she exclaims to herself.

“It took off,” a deep voice said.

Hange turned around and saw Erwin, Moblit, Mike, Nanaba, the rest of the veterans, and even Marco and Sasha was there to greet her.

“You did your duty well,” Erwin says with a proud smile.

Hange was still in shock to see everyone again, but lets out a soft smile as Erwin helped her up.

‘But, I just got crushed by-‘ she pauses herself and decides to meet up with her comrades to tell them everything, only for the moment to pass by in a blink.

"There's so much to talk about...I don't know where to start..."

"We have all the time in the world," Erwin says as he reached out his hand and helped her off the ground.

From here

(If you want to stop here, you can, but I'm a sucker for happy endings and I also have my own speculations with how love is perceived in AOT that I want to write about or why Ymir chose Mikasa to be the one to decide the fate of the world pretty much, and i was think 'how about both eremika and levihan both be living proof that love isn't a like shackle or something to be a slave to?' and this whole thing I wrote is basically like a test for Hange, if she genuinely wanted to kill herself or actually did die not just for humanity, but for the Alliance to survive, also I kind of wanted Hange to have a bit of a conflict with what she really wants. Anyways, this got a lot complicated to write than I thought so hopefully, it's not too messy)

“So this is it then. This is how the great 14th commander of the Survey Corps Hange Zoë dies.”

Hange opens her eyes and sat up, only to see nothing but darkness. She swore a moment ago she was telling her fallen comrades about what happened after the battle to take back Shiganshina.

She stands up and walks around trying to find anything that can help her figure out what’s happening, but it’s no use.

“What’s going on?! What’s happening?! Where am I?! What are you?!”

Suddenly, she’s no longer stuck in what looks to be a dark void. There’s somewhat of a galactic sky above her, sand beneath her feet and in a distance this light that’s in a form of a giant tree. 'Am I in paths?'

She turns around and sees a little girl with blonde hair, eyes closed and a frown staring at her.

"I assume you must be Ymir Fritz. The original founder of the titans."

“Indeed I am. And as I stated earlier, you're Hange Zoë, 14th commander of what's left of the Scouts and leader of the Alliance. Everyone views your death as a noble sacrifice for humanity, but is it really a sacrifice for humanity or was it something more personal? Perhaps, even a little selfish?”

Hange gritted her teeth and clenched her fist. She did not want to deal with this right now, but deep down, what she's implying might be true.

"What are you trying to say? I had no other choice. They all would've been dead! This was the only way!"

"Even if it meant leaving that Ackerman behind? You did say you wanted to live with him when all of this was over. I envied what the both of you had for each other. You both could've been something more if you stayed. You say you sacrificed yourself for humanity's sake, but I sense there's a more selfish intent. I could tell in the look of your eyes you didn't truly want to die, perhaps because you had strong feelings for that Ackerman. But he wasn't enough....wasn't he? Your desire to free yourself from your responsibilities as commander and grief were much stronger."

Hange felt anger surge into her veins, so she grabbed Ymir by the collar and looked her in her closed eyes as she gritted her teeth in anger. However, in the back of her mind, Hange knew Ymir was kind of right about her. She did had a selfish reason, she was tired, and frustrated. She couldn't handle the responsibilities that just kept on coming, along with learning the politics and general information of every new country discovered and having to rely information from the Marlayans that showed up, along with the books Grisha left in the basement.

The more paperwork and planning she had to do, the more she started loosing herself. Everyone saw it but didn't say anything, that included Levi, but she couldn't blame him, she was too far gone. There were so many times she wanted to die, but stopped herself every time.

'Not the right time. They still need me,' she would tell herself. It wasn't until Eren started getting rebellious and the rise of the Yeagarists that really pushed her on edge. She felt so hopeless, and was lost. When Eren started provoking her in the cell, it was a sign to her that she wasn't meant for this position. She lost control of the situation and felt it was her fault. Hange felt that she wasn't useful anymore, even if they've managed to save the world and prevent Marlay from attacking Paradis.

However, without her sacrifice, the Alliance would have died with her. She didn't want to drag them down with her when they had a chance of saving humanity and living a peaceful life after the war. Even if it meant abandoning her dream of living a peaceful life with Levi.

She calms herself down and lets go of Ymir.

"You're right about one thing, I did have a selfish motive. I wanted to be free from the responsibilities and the grief I've been feeling while I was still alive. I know I'm a coward for wanting to die, but that's not the sole reason why I sacrificed myself. Not only me, but the Alliance and the rest of humanity would've been killed because of the rumbling the Yeagar brothers started! As much as I wanted to stay for Levi, I wanted him to experience a life of peace, same with the Alliance. And even if that means sacrificing myself, and giving up my future with him just so he and everyone else can live a better life after this war, then so be it." As Hange finishes her long speech, she started feeling tears streaming down her eyes.

Ymir just stood there, looking at Hange with her eyes still closed. It was silent for a bit, and then Ymir spoke up, "Very well then."

In a blink of an eye, the two appeared on what happens to be the top of Eren's spine in his founder titan form.

Hange looked below them to see the Alliance fighting past titan shifters and more titans forming. She already picked up that it was probably Ymir's doing. 'Looks like my sacrfice was worth something.'

"Why are you showing me this?" Hange asks suspiciously.

"Your friends succeeded into coming here to stop Eren from flatting the Earth with the rumbling. Everything is all going according to Eren's plan," Ymir explained.

"Why are you willing to help Eren? What is his plan really? And why is he doing this in the first place?" Hange asks, super confused on what's going on.

"You'll see if he succeeds or not. It's all up to what Mikasa decides."

"What does Mikasa have to do with any of this?"

Ymir doesn't respond and turned into some sort of a pig creature. Hange looked at her shocked and is really confused of what's happening. 'What the hell?!'

The pig creature took off and went to search for Armin. Hange sighs, knowing she can't do anything, but watch it all unfold.

'What's your true motive, Eren? And how does this connect to Mikasa?'

She winced a bit when the Alliance were struggling to keep up with the fight, and was itching to go in there and help, until, she saw something fly by. ‘What is that?’

Her eyes widened with joy when she saw Falco’s titan.

"Oh my god! HE HAS WINGS?!!! HE CAN FLY!!!! OH MY GOD THAT'S SO COOL! I CAN'T TOO- oh right.....I'm dead....." Hange sighs and continues watching over the Alliance.

Eventually, the events played out as it should and as Mikasa took the final blow (cutting Eren's head off), suddenly Hange ends up in front of Levi who's slumped against a giant rock and behind are their fallen comrades. 'Where did they come from? Ymir has to stop doing this...'

She takes a good look at Levi and can't help but feel sorrow. She regrets not being mentally strong enough, and not being a part of the fight, even if she did her part, but she doesn't regret doing what she had to do in order for everyone to survive.

It still hurt her that she couldn't be there for him physically, and experience what life would be like at the end of the war. She wasn't ready to move on, but she had no choice, this is the last time she'll see him again. She put on a sad smile, and saluted him as she and their comrades slowly faded away.

It was dark again and Hange couldn't see a thing. 'Not again.'

"Hello?!" she calls out to into the void. No response.

"Anyone here?!" she calls out again. Still no response.

'Am I in hell?'

"You should know by now this is not hell," a familiar voice says in a distance.

'That voice.....it sounds....familiar.....'

"Hange, it's me, Eren."

Hange's eyes widened in shock. "Eren?! What the hell is this? What's going on? Why are you doing this?!" Hange responds in anger.

The dark void suddenly transformed into some sort of starry night, galactic scenery. She's back in paths except, Eren is standing in front of her.

"I know you're upset. You remember our conversation back in the forest right? Where you and Levi settled for the time being."

Suddenly, the conversation started playing like a film in her head and she shouldn't have listened to him.

"In order for the Alliance to succeed in stopping me, you must sacrifice yourself by fighting the colossal titans."

"You've been suffering for so long Hange. The sudden responsibilities of being commander, while on top of that, grieving the loss of Moblit and Erwin. Don't you want that all to disappear?"

Hange grits her teeth as anger flows through her veins and punched Eren in the face.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD! This was your plan all along?! All of these deaths I've experienced throughout my years in the Scouts.... my death......it was your doing all along?! OUR COMRADES EREN! AND 80% OF HUMANITY!!! I hope you're fucking happy because your plan fucking worked!"

"I know, I don't expect you to understand, but I brought you to apologize for the things I've said to you when you locked me up in the cell and in paths while you were in the forest was uncalled for, so I'm sorry about that and I haven't really given you a proper thank you either. For teaching me how to use my titan powers, and being like our second parent...same with the captain."

"Thank you? Seriously? What the fuck Eren?! You just destroyed 80% of humanity and committed mass genocide! This will take more than a mere 'thank you' and sweet talk to make up for all the cruel things you've done!" Hange says with anger in her tone.

"I understand you're angry, but I did this in order to free the world from titans. For the Marlayans to stop seeing us as 'devils' rather, I set them up to be heroes. Actually, it was more thanks to Mikasa's decision to kill me that convinced Ymir to left the curse of the titans."

Hange calmed a bit, but is still fuming with anger, 'what the fuck is wrong with this guy?!' However, she is curious about something, "I have a question though. What does Mikasa have to do with this? Why her?"

"That's something I'm not so sure either. The only person who knows is Ymir Fritz herself, however I do have a theory." Before Eren can continue, he walked towards the tree and motioned Hange to follow.

She hesitantly followed him into the tree only to end up in what looks to be a snowy mountain with these greenish blue light waves in the sky.

"The Northern Lights," Hange whispers in awe. She's read about them before, but seeing it in person was an experience, but she's starting to get distracted. "What's this theory of yours?" Hange asks getting straight to the point.

"I assume you know the true story of Ymir right?" Eren asks.

"Yes, you told me in paths back when Levi and I were camping out in the forest. Ymir was not actually the goddess cults worshipped her to be, she was a slave to the Eldian king. 2000 years ago, Ymir Fritz set a pig free and was caught. As punishment, the king set her free, but was hunted by his soldiers. One day, she stumbled upon this tree for shelter, but fell and gained the powers of the titans, thus she becomes the founding titan. She then went running back to the king despite him doing the cruelest things to her, and bore his daughters, Maria, Rose and Sina. She then sacrificed herself for him when a surviving Marlayan soldier threw a spear at him, and the king forced his daughters to eat Ymir in order to gain her powers and here we are now. Am I missing something?" Hange sarcastically asks.

"No, and good to know you remembered. I encountered this in paths when I met her, that her submission to the king, must be because she was in love with him, as hard as it is to believe in, but that's the true reason why after all this time, she continues to submit to him. For 2000 years, she's been in pain, a slave to love wishing for someone to set her free from it. She kept waiting, and waiting until finally the person arrived. And that person, was Mikasa." Eren finished explaining, but Hange was still confused.

"Hold on, so you're telling me it was all because Ymir was in love with her abuser? You've got to be kidding me....but after listening to that, I'm guessing that Mikasa killing you, despite having feelings for you is the result needed in order for Ymir to lift the curse am I right? Ymir needed to see proof that you just because you love someone doesn't mean you're a slave to them, and Mikasa killing you but still loving you was proof of that," Hange said and paused for a moment before asking a question that's been on her mind for a bit, "just wondering, did you love her too?"

"I still do. As much as I want her to be happy and be happy with someone who truly deserves her, I don't want her to move on from me," Eren says as he's tearing up. "I didn't mean anything I said to her, nor Armin. I told Mikasa that I've always hated her when that was the biggest lie I ever said in my life, but I needed her to hate me so she can kill me. I remember when you said you wanted to run away with Captain Levi and live together in the forest, I wanted to do that with Mikasa. I wanted to abandon everything and spend the remaining years I had left with her in the mountains."

"Well that makes two of us. Those Ackermans are strong aren't they? Then again, they don't call them humanity's strongest soldiers for nothing," Hange coldly chuckled a bit.

"Yeah, they really are," Eren agreed. "By the way, were you and the captain dating? What's your story with him?"

Hange sighs, she really doesn't want to talk about it, especially to Eren of all people at the moment, but since she's technically stuck in here, might as well entertain him.

"Our relationship is......complicated to say the least. We don't have a label, and we didn't need one. We knew we love and cared for each other, why do we need a label for it? At the end of the day, we're just Hange and Levi. However, I believed after that night in the forest together, I started thinking about our future. I thought to myself, 'what would life be like for me and Levi if we decided to settle down here?' I wondered if Levi ever felt the same way. Instead, he snapped me out of reality, reminding ourselves that we're soldiers first, and he was right." Hange paused a bit to wipe her tears only for Eren speak up.

"How did you first meet?' he asked.

Hange started reminiscing the moments and memories she had with Levi. She told Eren how Levi, Farlan and Isabel joined the scouts and how he almost stabbed her when she first approached him because he thought Hange about their plan to kill Erwin at the time. She went into some detail about how the deaths of Farlan and Isabel impacted him, how Hange handled it and how their relationship with one another grew. 'I miss him so much.'

"Do you still love him?" Eren asks.

"I never stopped loving him, even if it meant parting ways with him just to save humanity from the destruction you caused and also freeing myself from my personal baggage. It hurts that we can't be together, but I don't regret my decision. As long as he's alive and not alone, even if it meant I'm not there, then I fulfilled my duty. That's all I ever wanted, " Hange answers.

"I see. That's all we needed to hear."

"We?"

Suddenly, the atmosphere changed, they were back in paths. Hange was now faced directly at the tree with Eren and Ymir standing on both sides of the tree.

"Mikasa isn't the only Ymir chose. It's obvious both you and Levi have something special that could blossom into something more, and you both could've ran away together, but you didn't, instead, you gave that up to ensure him and the Alliance would save humanity and finally live in peace, while Levi gave you up because he knew you wanted to be free, so he let you go. We can't bring back someone from the dead, but there is something I can do."

Suddenly, the light from the tree grew even brighter and before she could react, the light engulfed her body as she felt herself fading away from paths.

"Hange"

"Hange!"

"HANGE!"

Hange's eyes instantly opened as she woke up in a cold sweat and heavily panting. She looked around the room she ended up in and saw that she's in a bedroom.

"Oi, four eyes, how long will you be staring at the wall for?" a familiar grumpy voice asks.

Hange turned to her left and saw it was Levi sitting next to her. The right side of his face was scarred and his right eye turned white. She looked down at his hand to see it was holding hers and his two fingers were still missing. Suddenly she felt tears coming down her right eye, leaving Levi confused and worried.

"Hange? What's going on-"

Before Levi could finish his question, Hange instantly wrapped her arms around him and buried her head onto his shoulders, sobbing her heart out. Levi, despite being confused, stayed silent and held her close, comforting her as she cries.

A few minutes passed and he felt Hange's cries die down to sniffles.

"So, you want to tell me what was that all about?" Levi says.

Hange pushed herself back up to wipe the tears from her face.

"I missed you so much Levi! I'm so sorry I left you behind. The truth is, I did want to kill myself back there, at least, that's what I thought I wanted. I guess what I really wanted was for you and the Alliance to survive and live in peace once the war was finally over, but when I saw you against the rock, I couldn't help but feel sad. I wanted to be with you and we were so close, only for me to die at the last second. But where am I? What is this? I thought I died, did I die? Are you dead as well? I swear to god please tell we're-"

"Ok, one thing at a time four eyes. First off what do you mean died?" Levi asks. Hange was genuinely confused, "Didn't you see me die when I was fighting off the colossal titans? There was no way I was going to make it."

"Hange, did you hit your head or something? Or just somehow forgot 3 years worth of memories?"

"THREE YEARS?!!" Hange exclaims. 'Have I been asleep for three years?'

"Hange what has gotten into you? Was your nightmare that bad?"

Hange was so confused at what's happening, was she dreaming this whole time? Or sent to another universe of some sort- wait a minute.

"Hey Levi, where are we?" Hange asks attempting to stay calm.

Levi looked at her concerned and a bit nervous that she might be going crazy.

"Our bedroom? In the house we've living in ever since the war ended. We found an unused cabin near Odiha. Hange, are you sure you didn't hit your head last night?" Levi nervously asks as he grabs her head to examine it, seeing if there's any bruises.

"No I didn't! It's just that, one moment I was watching you guys fighting titans on top of Eren's spine, and then I was with our comrades seeing you for one final time, only to end up in paths with Eren and Ymir standing next to a tree and then suddenly, a bright light appeared....wait a minute," Hange mumbled to herself.

"We can't bring back someone from the dead, but there is something I can do."

'Is this some sort of dream or am I actually in an alternate universe... wait, did they send me into an alternate universe where I didn't die?'

"Oi, four eyes!"

Hange snapped out of her thoughts, theories still developing in her mind.

"Levi, what happened back when the plane couldn't take off in Odiha 3 years ago?"

Levi gave her a really confused look, but answered anyways.

"I saw you running out of the deck and overheard you appointing Armin to be the 15th commander of the Scouts. Those brats knew about your suicide plan so they convinced you into letting them help you take down as many colossal titans as they can to buy time, and you caved in. Luckily the plane took off in time before you and those brats started getting exhausted. I assume you know the rest."

'So, they did send me to an alternate universe. The one where I didn't die....'

"Sorry Levi, it's just that, in my 'nightmare' I fought those colossal titans alone. I burned to death and got trampled on. To be honest, back then, I did want to die. I thought being free from my responsibilities as commander was what I really wanted, that death would set me free, but it didn't. Instead, I started feeling more regret that I left everyone I care about behind, that includes you Levi, but even if I realize that now, my death was inevitable. Either I go, or you guys die with me, and if my sacrifice was the price, then so be it."

Hange felt Levi pull her close and felt his hand caress her hair.

"We're here now Hange. It's all over, we can finally rest and live the life we've always dreamed of. And for the record, you were a great commander, without you, the world would've been flattened."

Hange eyes glistened with tears when heard that. She leaned in closer to Levi's embrace, taking it all in.

They stayed in each other's arms for a few minutes until they heard knocking on the door.

"Must be Gabi, Falco and Onyonkapon, maybe you can explain to them your dream. Can you get my wheelchair?" Levi asks as looks for his shirt and pants on the ground.

"You're in a wheelchair now? Awee Levi, is age catching up to you?" Hange asks teasingly.

"Just get the goddamn wheelchair Hange! And for the record, I permanently broke my left leg saving your guys' ass three years ago," Levi grunted.

Hange went to get his wheelchair that was lying against the wall in front of their bed, and helps him sit.

"You should change or at least fix your hair," Levi suggests.

"Do I have to?" Hange whines.

Levi glares at her and Hange rolls her eyes and pouted.

"Ugh, fine," Hange grunted.

As she made her to way the bathroom to get dressed, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and she felt genuinely happy to see her reflection. A reminder that she's alive, and she can finally experience a peaceful life with Levi and the Alliance, not to mention, traveling around the world.

"Hey Levi!" Hange calls out.

Levi was about to wheel his way out of the bedroom to answer the front door, but paused when he heard Hange calling him.

"What?"

"I'm so glad to be alive."

Levi was kind of stunned with the sudden out burst, but he found it endearing and didn't care, as long as she's happy.

"Me too, four eyes."

#levihan #levihan fics #fan fiction #holy shit this took me awhile to write #stress writing #idk what im doing tbh

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hehimdumbbitch · 3 years

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/31236788

just pure levihan fluff <33

#anime #aot #attack on titan #levihan fanfiction #levihan #levi ackerman #levi and hange #hange zoe #hange supremacy #fan fiction

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lizaloveslevihan · 3 years

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Dreams

Description: She was there, with him. Everything was okay. These are what dreams are made of.

Part One: Here

Ao3: Here

He stared at her longer than what was deemed necessary, engraving her into his memory once again before gingerly closing the door. And because his eyes were clouded by her beautiful face, because his nose could only smell that of lilies and lavender, and because the only thing he could hear was her laughter -- he fell, not noticing the medium-sized box on one of the steps as he made his way down the staircase.

The curses he let out didn’t make up for the pain he felt throughout his whole body. He willed himself to breathe evenly, trying not to focus as much on the bruises he felt forming on both of his legs. He had felt immense physical pain throughout his life, but nothing had been as worse as this. Ignoring the protests of his body, he pressed his palms against the wooden floor and pushed himself up, choosing to sit down instead of standing. Once his heart was calm and his breath was even, he finally directed his gaze towards the staircase, surprised to see not only that stupid box, but as well numerous pieces of paper, clothes, and different types of clutter that littered about.

He cursed again as his old injuries started to bite at him, and he had to remind himself that this was one of the consequences of living with such an abnormal. Though Hange often bathed now because of him, she was still a messy person to the core. He could have sworn, however, that he wouldn’t have allowed such a mess to accumulate. On the stairs, out of all places.

Before he decided whether or not to go back up to reprimand her, the sound of heavy knocks against the front door made its way to his ears. He stared at it, perplexed. Just who would visit them this early in the morning?

He braced himself, leaning against the wall for support as he slowly got up from his position. He grimaced as he felt another wave of pain across his body. At the core of it, he was no longer the same soldier as he was before. He was more than okay with that, especially since he was finally liberated from people’s expectations of him. They were entering into a new era where Levi Ackerman was no longer needed in the front line. However, it was times like these where he wished he had his old strength back. Falling down the stairs like some old man was simply too embarrassing. It was a good thing Hange didn’t hear him or he would have been subjected to constant teasing throughout the whole day.

With a slight limp, he walked on over to the front door and threw it open -- annoyed at both his situation and at the person for dropping in at the perfect time.

Dressed in a dark suit and blue tie, Armin Arlert had become what it meant to be a young gentleman. With his neatly cut blonde hair held back, Levi could see those ocean eyes perfectly and so he didn’t miss how they widened when they finally faced one another. What in the world was he doing here? Especially this early in the morning?

Crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame, he asked exactly that.

Armin observed him carefully with wide eyes. The surprise, however, quickly morphed into an expression Levi couldn’t exactly pinpoint. After a couple of seconds passed, the younger man finally cleared his throat and spoke, “I wanted to see how you were doing, Captain. And--” he paused, his voice harboring a slight edge to it, “Uhm, Hange-san.”

Levi raised an eyebrow in confusion. “This early in the morning?” he asked. He didn’t really mind -- it was a nice surprise to see one of his old squad members since they all lived in the capital and helped run the island. He couldn’t even remember the last time he saw Armin. Or anyone else for that matter. They could have just picked a better time to do it, especially since the sun still hung low in the sky.

With a pained expression, Armin opened his mouth to speak, about to tell him something significant, but immediately decided against it. Instead, he swallowed those words and replied with a simple, “Yes, Captain.”

Levi let out a sigh. Hange would love to see him anyway. He could already hear the incessant chatter from the two about all the technological developments in progress, and how everyone was doing, and so forth. As he was about to let the young man in, he finally noticed something odd about the situation. “Where’s Eren and the gloomy brat?” he asked, looking around for those wild, green eyes and those steely gray ones that mirrored his.

He missed how Armin’s face hardened at the mention of his two friends. He missed how those ocean eyes became that of ice, and he missed how Armin breathed in slowly and deeply. The young man tore his gaze from Levi and peered behind him, directing his eyes towards the inside of the cottage. “They couldn’t be here today.”

Levi raised an eyebrow at that. Those three had always been inseparable, so where had the others gone? Shaking his head, he opened the door wider, allowing his former squad member to finally come in. However, instead of going in further, Armin merely stood by the entrance, his shoulders stiffening as he stared at his surroundings.

“Captain…” Armin said incredulously, not even turning around to face him. Levi heard a shallow intake of breath which was followed by a deep sigh. The young blonde stood there unmoving for a couple of minutes, each second unbearably silent. Finally, he made his way to the dining area and sat down on one of the chairs, bowing his head and cradling it with his hands.

Levi stood by the door the entire time even though his legs were throbbing. He couldn’t understand why Armin had been acting so strange the moment their eyes met. The young man was obviously troubled, so perhaps it had something to do with the situation at the capital. After all, most of the burden now fell on him and Jean, as well as Historia, to lead Paradis towards a better future. He’d seen Hange crumble numerous times throughout her term as the commander, so it was most likely Armin was feeling the same way.

Even though he wanted to, Levi knew he wouldn't be as much of a help to him as much compared to Hange. She’d be able to understand his burden much better and tell him exactly what he needed to hear. Besides, he was never really good with words anyway. Armin was a good kid with a good heart. Levi had seen him grow up along with the others. Hopefully, they could all figure it out.

“I’ll make some tea for you,” Levi said, moving towards the small kitchen, still harboring a small limp. Though his voice was gruff, there was a soft undertone to it that many people wouldn’t be able to hint out. “You can drink it while you wait for Hange.”

At this, Armin slowly lifted his head and turned his gaze towards Levi who was struggling to reach for a clean pot stored away at the top shelf. The young man stood up, face devoid of any emotion, and helped his former superior grab both the pot and the tin of black tea from another cupboard overhead. Though Levi was embarrassed at not being able to reach it himself, he grumbled a small ‘thanks’ nevertheless.

He sat back down on his chair, hand on his lap and nails digging into his palm. “Captain,” he spoke nervously, staring into the space right in front of him. “Where’s Hange-san right now?”

“She’s still upstairs, getting dressed,” Levi answered without missing a beat. He made sure to boil a bit more water for all three of them. “She should be down soon.”

Armin nodded slowly, now looking at the cluttered staircase. He started to remove his jacket as he spoke: “Why don’t I help you clean, Captain?”

Levi didn’t see any problems with that. Though he’d like to personally do it himself so that everything could be up to his standards, he’d may as well let Armin do a headstart for him. Besides, he still needed to cook breakfast. And so, he agreed.

And because he turned away, and because he was too engrossed in making those rosy lips turn into a smile, and because his senses aren’t like what they used to be, he didn’t notice how Armin didn’t even go to the staircase first. No, the young man went around the living room and the bathroom, plucking each dirty shirt and each crumpled piece of paper and organizing things as best as he could. A couple of tears slid down from those ocean eyes, and it was then he decided that it would be the last time he’d do this. He had been so hesitant before, so afraid of the consequences and the implications that he’d turn a blind eye. But little did he know that his ignorance would bear much more negative results. He should have known -- his old self certainly would. But like the old captain, he was no longer the same person he was as before.

Armin hated how he knew where the cleaning supplies were hidden. He hated how he knew his way around the small cottage so well. Most of all, he hated himself for allowing this to go on further.

He finally made his way to the staircase and started picking up the trash from there. As much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn’t go upstairs. If he did, he’d have a repeat of the incident from two weeks ago.

He didn’t know if he could deal with seeing that again.

He finished and had placed everything where it should have been just as Levi was placing the tea on the table.

“Hange-san seems to be busy again, captain,” Armin noted, his voice still slightly on edge but much more controlled. Levi placed three plates of omelets on the table before finally sitting down himself and letting out a small huff of air.

“Tch,” the older man said, grabbing his cup of tea. “You’d think she’d be a little tidier these days. But, she wouldn’t be herself if she wasn’t at least a little bit messy,” he shook his head and sipped his tea, a small smile evident on his lips. “Though I could’ve sworn I cleaned some of this shit up or something.”

No, Armin thought miserably. He looked down and stared at the misshapen shape of eggs, knowing full well how they were about to go bad, that was me.

“Thank you for the food, captain,” Armin said instead, digging into his plate and his tea. It wasn’t as bad as he had initially expected, but the captain shouldn’t be allowed to do such activities anymore. After finishing, he grabbed the empty dishes and made his way to the kitchen. It had taken a ridiculous amount of time, especially with the pile that already accumulated on the sink, but he managed to wash everything his eyes laid upon. The soap was scarce, the sponge was dirty, but Armin made sure every plate and bowl and cup was clean and ready to use. He organized them neatly, leaving them on the cupboard below for easy use. He also went ahead and cleaned the pans and spatulas that had piled up on the stove. Captain Levi didn’t even glance at him once, much too preoccupied with his tea and his thoughts. Thoughts of her.

Ignoring his aching hands, he went back to the dining table and started to put on his jacket. Levi finally looked at him, and said, “Aren’t you going to wait for Hange? She’ll be down soon.”

“I’ll come back tomorrow, captain. I just remembered I needed to take care of something at the capital,” Armin spoke, determination now evident in his tone, “Thank you for the food and tea. I’ll come back tomorrow to speak with Hange-san.”

Levi pursed his lips, a little displeased with both Armin’s sudden arrival and departure. “I’ll tell four-eyes you stopped by. Bring the others too, why don’t you? She’d love to see everyone.”

Armin studied him carefully before nodding once. If only the dishes were clean, if only the eggs were fresh, if only his dark hair didn’t reach his shoulders, if only there weren’t any littered paper or strewn clothing -- if only those things were true, then he would have allowed the captain to dream on. He was indeed coming back tomorrow, just like how he did every day for the past two weeks, but this time, with people who would help the old man much better than he ever could. He wasn’t going to succumb to his ignorance anymore. He was going to get him out of that cursed cottage and to somewhere he could be taken care of properly. He had already started on the paperwork. All he needed to do was to finish it.

As he grabbed the handle of the door, he allowed himself to look back -- not at the captain, but at the empty chair across from him. He saw her perfectly as he did. From her gleaming glasses to her messy hair, and her loud laughter. He understood his feelings more than anyone could. He had dreams too, you see, about running across the streets with those green and gray eyes, about flipping through books about oceans, about what life would be like outside those walls. Dreams he could never get out of his mind. He shook his head and opened the door, welcoming the cool, evening breeze. He looked at the moon and hoped he wouldn’t have those same dreams tonight.

But he’d let the captain stay in his. One last time.

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