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yelena-bellova · 1 year

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Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen: The Great Sin

Plot: Joel and Y/n, separated once again, are told the truth about the cost that will come with creating a cure.

Word Count: 7.4k

Warnings: canon violence, drug abuse, language, blood, guns, needles, loss of a child, ptsd, (16+)

A/N: Well, we’re almost to the end 🥲 I can’t believe there’s only one chapter after this and then it’s over. Rather than think about that, I’m going to focus on letting y’all enjoy this one ❤️

As always, this series is 16+ and I will not be adding anyone to the taglist that does not have their age/range in their bio. This is also the last chance to be added to the list!

Alrighty, let’s finish it out strong, y’all ❤️❤️❤️

—————

Y/n woke with her head throbbing.

Before her eyes even opened, her brain splitting from the pain she couldn’t remember earning. In the darkness of her lids, she slowly drew on her last fuzzy memories.

Puns.

Flash bomb.

Ellie screaming.

Y/n’s eyes flew open, pushing up on her elbow and feeling a stab of pain through her abdomen.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Blinking until her vision was clear, Y/n looked across to room to see Marlene leant up against the wall.

“We gave you a shot for your ribs,” she continued, “But it’s not magic.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you should’ve put out a PSA,” Y/n replied groggily, the force of the flash bomb coming back to her.

Marlene smiled thinly, “Could’ve found a phone along the way.”

Y/n bristled at the joke, relieved to see her comrade alive.

“Gotta admit,” Marlene crossed her arms, “I didn’t expect to see you all in one piece. Figured you’d either run into raiders or you and Joel would go the double-homicide route.”

Y/n held her belly as she attempted to sit up. “Almost did,” she groaned, “A few times.”

“Well,” Marlene gestured to Y/n, watching her with honest eyes, “I underestimated you. You did good.”

Y/n wanted to accept the praise, having finally proven herself as a fighter, but was single-minded in her thoughts. “Where’s Joel?”

“Recovering in another room,” Marlene answered, “His vitals are good, just hasn’t woken up yet.”

Nodding, Y/n carefully swung her legs over the side of the bed, ”When he wakes up, tell him to come find me? Ellie’s probably worried sick…”

“Where are you going?” Marlene asked.

Y/n stopped to take a breath, whatever medicine they’d given her hadn’t kicked in yet. “To see Ellie,” she answered plainly, “She’s okay, right?”

Marlene sighed with dread, knowing whatever was about to happen wouldn’t be pleasant. But she also had a one-track mind, and it was humming a different tune than Y/n’s.

“She’s fine,” she replied, her tone having shifted to instill a false calm, “She’s being prepped for surgery.”

Y/n’s brow furrowed in confusion, “Surgery? I thought they were just taking her blood?”

“It’s…” Marlene said with a heaviness to her tone, “A little more complicated than that.”

Even though the ache in Y/n’s temples was dizzying, it didn’t take her long to connect the dots as to why it would require surgery to facilitate the vaccine.

And she felt the floor go out from under her when she did.

She looked up to Marlene, barely able to even shake her head, “No…”

Marlene bit her lip, turning her gaze from Y/n and to the floor.

“No…” Y/n repeated, her voice low, “N-no…you wouldn’t.”

Marlene’s painful silence sliced through her.

“Are you kidding me?” Y/n’s volume grew loud with anger, giving her the strength to stand, “You made me risk my life for that girl for three fucking months just so you can kill her?!”

“She wouldn’t have come here with anyone other than you,” Marlene replied calmly, “She trusts you.”

“So you used me,” Y/n’s eyes widened with rage, “You knew I cared about her, you knew I’d do it.”

“You’re not looking at the big picture,” Marlene interjected, taking a step forward but not moving any closer to Y/n, “We get the vaccince, we save millions. We save the millions to come. We can bring the world back to what-“

The rest of Marlene’s words died to the ringing in Y/n’s ears. She braced one of her hands against her bed, feeling as if her knees were going to buckle.

Throughout her time in the Fireflies, Marlene had never entrusted Y/n with as much information as other recruits. It wasn’t for doubt of Y/n’s interests, but rather Marlene thinking Y/n was incapable of handling it. She’d always been slow to pull the trigger, something that had in any other world would have made her merciful. Marlene had only ever seen it as weakness.

Marlene’s opinion of Y/n wasn’t lost on her, she felt it on a daily basis. But to make her travel from one side of the country to another, witholding the sickening truth of what she was doing from her, that was a new brand of cruel.

“She’s going to fix everything,” were the first words of Marlene’s that broke through Y/n’s spinning thoughts.

Her head shot up, staring daggers at Marlene, “You don’t get to make that decision for her.”

“And you do?” Marlene replied, “What gives you the right to choose her fate?”

“Did you ask her?” Y/n inquired, the building rage beginning to seep out of her, “No, y’know what? I can tell by your face that you didn’t.”

“She doesn’t know,” Marlene could feel control over the conversation slipping, she needed to deescalate it quickly, “She’s not going to feel anything.”

“YOU’RE KILLING,” Y/n yelled as loud as her lungs would let her, “A FUCKING CHILD!”

At the last word, two guards stationed outside Y/n’s door marched in, their rifles cocked downards, but ready to strike.

Y/n was quickly starting to understand the gravity of her situation.

Marlene held out a hand to Y/n, as if trying to ease a carnivorous animal. “Do you think I want to do this? Do you not think that I’ve looked for any other option-“

“No,” Y/n shook her head, “I don’t think you have.”

“I knew her mother, Y/n,” Marlene spoke a little louder, “I was there when she was born, and I had to put a bullet in my best friend’s head because she was infected. I promised to keep her child safe. I do not want to do this,” she paused, collecting herself, “But it’s my only choice.”

Three months prior, hearing such a personal story would have meant something to Y/n. Now, it only served to illuminate the true colors of her comrade. Marlene, so blinded by her determination to restore the earth, had allowed her drive to turn to ruthlessness and morph into heartlessness.

“No,” Y/n said, fighting back tears at the thought of Ellie lying unconscious somehwere in the hospital, “Look me in the eye and tell me her mother would want this,” she waited, until impatience won out, “LOOK AT ME!”

Marlene was a lot of things, blunt was one of them. She looked up to Y/n’s red face, unaware of the storm her words were about to trigger, “You’re not her mother.”

The waves in Y/n’s body both crashed and fell at the statement. It was twenty years all over again.

“Take me to Joel,” she swallowed her tears, “I want to see Joel.” When Marlene averted her gaze once again, Y/n could feel some other essential piece of truth shift into darkness. “Marlene,” she gritted out, “Where’s Joel?”

“He’s gone,” Marlene answered, “He left as soon as he knew that you and Ellie were okay.”

Y/n lip quivered with fury, the lies were so clear now. Joel and her hadn’t gone through all they had, made the promises they did only for him to abandon her and Ellie. “No. He wouldn’t do that.”

“I don’t know what you want to hear,” Marlene said, “But he’s gone.”

It was then that Y/n realized she was no longer a Firefly, but a prisoner.

With the last shred of her future slipping being ripped away from her, Y/n’s fury took over. She lunged towards Marlene, one of the soldiers surging forward and shoving her back onto the bed. Y/n cried out in pain, clutching her stomach as the barrel of the rifle was drawn on her.

“Don’t,” Marlene ordered the guard, “She’s already hurt.”

Y/n could no longer hold in her sobs. Ellie had been fooled into dying for a solution they didn’t even know was guaranteed, Joel was being forced to leave them behind, and she was essentially being held hostage by those she’d once trusted with her life.

“You keep her here,” Marlene continued speaking to the guards as if the pain was too incapacitating for Y/n to have any presence of mind, “Lock the doors. Don’t let her out until she calms down.”

Still weeping from both the ache in her ribs and the turn of events, Y/n nearly didn’t open her eyes when she heard Marlene’s boot steps come towards her.

“I know you care about her,” Marlene said softly, “She cares about you too. But there’s such a thing as caring too much…and I’m sorry.”

Through her tears, Y/n watched as her one-time friend walked out the door, washing her hands of the matter.

“You motherfucker,” Y/n growled, getting her feet as the guards exited the room, “You fucking murderer!”

As the door shut and locked on her, Y/n began to bang her fists against the 8x10 pane of glass, “YOU FUCKING MURDERER! YOU MOTHERFUCKING MURDERER!”

Y/n screamed at the top of her lungs, hot tears pouring down her face as three months of love and care wilted at her feet.

—————————

In reality, Joel was on the next floor down, fighting for his, Y/n and Ellie’s futures. He knew that the love of his life would never roll over and allow them to take Ellie’s life.

“Where’s Y/n?”

Marlene sighed at the question, contrary to what she was sure her reputation was, deception didn’t come easily to her. But she did what she had to for her cause.

There had always been a fire in Y/n, however tamed it was by her more virtuous qualities. Marlene had kept a careful eye on the blaze, never thinking it would spread too far. But there’d been a change in Y/n since they’d last seen each other in Boston, and she was certain her love for Ellie and time spent with Joel had brought it out in her. If they had survived three months in the ruins of civilization, they were dangerous. They needed to be kept apart if the surgery was to be a success.

“She’s decided to stay,” Marlene locked in her story, “She wants to see this through all the way.”

Joel didn’t believe for 1/8th of a second that Y/n would have lied to him. He’d looked in her eyes and watched twenty years of history dance across her irises. He could feel the weight of their future inside his chest, glowing gold with hope. There was no way after all they’d been through that she would walk away from him, just like that…

“No, you take me to ‘em,” he demanded, rising from the bed, “You take me to ‘em right now!”

One of Marlene’s guards came forward and used the butt of his rifle to knock him to the ground. Joel grunted and coughed on his hands and knees, his mind spinning with fear.

“Please,” he begged of Marlene, “You don’t understand.”

“I do,” Marlene said solemnly, reciting a less emotional variation of the story she’d told Y/n five minutes prior, “I was there when she was born, Joel. I promised her mom that I would save her child, I promised,” she paused to swallow back the lump rising in her throat, “So I do understand. I’m the only one who understands. I’m sorry,” she shook her head, “I have no other choice.”

Joel was a lot of things, but a coward wasn’t one of them. He glared up at Marlene, subtly threatening, “I do.”

Marlene looked exasperated, like his fight was some obstacle in her path to roll her eyes at. “Walk him out to the highway,” she ordered the soldiers, “Leave him there with his pack. Give him this,” she unclipped Ellie’s pocketknife from her belt, turning her stare to Joel, “He tries anything…shoot him.”

Joel, dazed from the knowledge that Ellie and Y/n were being held somewhere, was forced to his feet. The soldiers pushed him out of the room, picking his backpack up on the way out, and shoved him down the hall.

All the while, Joel was carefully constructing his plan.

—————————

Y/n sat with her back to the door, twisting her arm to hit the wood with what little energy she had left. She had sobbed and screamed to be let out until her voice was rendered raw.

She had failed. Failed Ellie. Failed Joel. Failed herself.

She wondered if this was her punishment for what she’d done to her family. If for each life she’d taken, she’d lose somebody in return.

She thought of Sarah, her death that seemed to be written in some fucked up universe’s stars, and how she ached for the future she’d never live. The proms, the graduations, coming home from college during holidays, getting engaged, getting married, having kids…all of it. Or none of it. Her choices would have determined her story and whichever path she’d have chosen, it would have been beautiful.

Ellie had been deprived of so many choices in life, and now she was being deprived of choosing whether she lived or died.

By deciding to let Ellie give her life for a cause that wasn’t even hers, the Fireflies were no better than FEDRA. Marlene was making the same calls that the government had made in the first few days of the outbreak. Who got to go to the QZs and who died in a ditch on the side of a road, whose life had lasting value and who was disposable. It sickened Y/n’s stomach and made her wish she had never joined at all.

Since meeting Ellie, Y/n had often contemplated the ghost of the girl’s mother. Having filled the role herself and feeling like Sarah had been carved from her own ribs, she couldn’t imagine what it was like to carry a child, birth her, and then lose her somewhere along the way…now, all she could think of was what Ellie’s mother would do if she were trapped as Y/n was. Would she fight? Would she break the glass with her fist and take on the guards? Or was she just cruel enough to sacrifice her daughter for the greater good? Could Y/n have left Sarah to die if, in some way, she’d held the key to the planet’s salvation?

Y/n took a deep breath, her mind the clearest it had been since waking up.

No parent would let their child die, no matter the circumstances.

And neither could she.

—————————

Joel paused in front of the hospital directory, eyes scanning over the levels and their corresponding departments. He was two floors away from pediatric surgery, and unknowingly, one floor away from where Y/n was being held.

“I didn’t hear anyone say ‘stop,’” one of the Fireflies behind him growled.

Joel glanced down the hall, “Which way?”

“Down the stairs,” the soldier answered, shoving Joel towards the stairwell.

With each flight Joel marched down, he was completing calculations in his mind. How quick did he have to move to take out both guardsmen? Which gun would be easier to reach? Did he rescue Ellie first or find Y/n and gain an extra pair of hands?

Once he decided, he let his steps slow until he came to a complete stop.

“The fuck are you doin’? Keep walking.”

Joel ignored the command.

“I said,” the Firefly grabbed Joel’s shoulder, “Keep walkin’-“

Lightning fast, Joel spun around, elbowing the man in the neck and knocking him to the floor. He nabbed his rifle as he fell, spinning around to shoot the second guard before he could even aim. Taking two steps back, he fired one shot into the first man’s leg.

“Fuck,” the soldier whimpered.

“Where are they?” Joel asked, his finger perfectly still against the trigger.

“Fuck you,” the Firefly growled.

Joel didn’t need his answer. Bill’s written words were etched in the caverns of his mind, about finding that one person to save. In Joel’s case, there were two people worth saving-

“I don’t have time for this,” he decided before planting a bullet in the man’s neck.

And he was doing it by any means necessary.

—————————

Y/n fiddled with her pocketknife in her hand, pacing the room as the pain in her ribs disappeared under the blanket of whatever medication Marlene had given her. She needed the guards outside her room to get pulled away so that she could pick the door’s lock. Once out, she had to steal a gun, find where Ellie was being held, figure out if Joel was still in the building and get them the hell out of dodge.

All she needed was a chance.

“Shots fired! Shots fired!”

The buzz of a radio caught Y/n’s ear, it pulled her to the door and she peered out the glass pane. The pencil stiff stance the soldiers had been maintaining was suddenly sharp with worry. One guard came running down the hall, shouting something Y/n couldn’t make out. Whatever it was caused her captors to charge down the hall as well. It was a threat that required every hand on deck.

Y/n nearly smiled, knowing exactly who could cause that kind of panic.

Slipping her blade into the lock, she fiddled with it until the door opened, freeing her. She threw her backpack over her shoulder, her eye catching on a tray balanced on the bedside table. It contained the used needle they’d already injected her with, plus one full syringe. Y/n picked up the two vials near the needles, one labeled ‘ibuprofen’ and one labeled ‘epinephrine.’

Y/n was weak, her body’s strength drained from trying to heal her ribs. There wasn’t any way she could fight her way out in her current state.

Without hesitation, she squeezed the flesh of her thigh and stabbed the needle through her jeans, discarding it on the floor after.

Drawing a deep breath, Y/n poked her head out the door, looking down each side of the hall before cutting across to the nurse’s station. She scanned the length of the counters for anything she could use as a weapon, finding only old papers and equipment. Distantly below her, she could hear gunfire.

“Hey,” a gruff voice shouted.

Y/n spun around, barely dropping to the floor before the Firefly soldier fired two shots at her. Crouched on the tile, she could feel the epinephrine beginning to kick in, bringing back the strength she’d lost in Silver Lake. She withdrew her knife once again, hiding behind the nurse’s station and listening to the footsteps of the Firefly come closer.

Y/n knew that to save what she loved, she would have to leave whatever was left of her humanity. The part of her that had hesitated to kill had to die by her own hands.

The soldier moved closer.

Closer…

The second his boot became visible, Y/n stabbed the knife through his foot, punching him in the chin when he bent down in pain. She got to her feet and ripped the rifle out of the Firefly’s hands, shooting him in the stomach after.

She stepped over his body, leaving him to bleed out.

—————————

Joel’s steps were inhumanly silent as he crept through the hospital. He fired each shot with machine-like precision, each Firefly falling to the floor, never to pick themselves back up.

Joel had killed countless times since the outbreak of Cordyceps and had felt a healthy dose of remorse. The innocent people he’d killed in his days as a Raider haunted him, much like they did Tommy, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever forget Y/n’s eyes as she’d watched him murder the FEDRA guard in Boston.

But as Joel stealthily made his way through the hospital, firing each bullet for the love of his life and the child they loved more than anything, he felt nothing.

—————————

Y/n had tried so hard to live as peacefully as the world would allow her. Despite joining the Fireflies, she never volunteered for first line of defense. If bombs were planted in the city, Y/n was the one counting them, not detonating them. As much as she’d hidden initially from Joel with bloody threats, she’d never committed any acts of violence unless they were absolutely necessary.

Marching down the hospital halls, tears pooled in her eyes with each kill she made until she was sobbing. Flashes of her parents, her siblings, her nephew, Sarah, played in her mind. Their innocence and their gruesome deaths she’d forever feel responsible for. Saving Ellie wouldn’t bring them back, but she couldn’t let another person she cared for die.

Red cheeked and puffy eyed, she murdered without hesitation, allowing love to turn her into a necessary monster.

—————————

Joel went from victim to victim, playing God and delivering their vicious, premature fates. Each time he ran out of ammo, he’d pick up the rifle of his last kill. It all flowed so sickeningly perfect.

He climbed the fourth floor stairwell, shooting the Fireflies attempting to sneak up on him before they knew what was going on. With his better ear, he could hear the gunfire on the floor he was approaching.

He wasn’t the only one putting up a fight.

As soon as Joel stepped onto the fifth floor, a barrage of bullets rained down around him. He ducked behind a wall, waiting for them to slow before running across to the other side of the hall. He let his ammo fly freely, taking down the Fireflies as sloppily as he needed to.

Just as he aimed at the final one, the soldier was kicked to the floor, Y/n stepping on his back and making a fatal shot.

Through his necessary numbness, Joel felt a rush of relief.

Y/n ignored every instinct she had to run into Joel’s arms and instead bent down, picking up the soldier’s rifle and the extra ammo off his belt. Joel did the same with a nearby body.

The two lovers met in the middle of the hall, their weapons resting against their chests, separating their bodies.

Twenty years ago, they were somewhere in a downtown bar, Joel trying to make her laugh and Y/n trying to pretend like she was perfectly capable of taking her eyes off of him. They were warm, they were happy, they were them.

Two decades later, they were stood in an abandoned hospital, rifles on their shoulders, blood on their clothes and vengeance in their eyes. They were bruised, they were broken, they were survivors.

They carried on the same way, shooting anyone who dared to get in their way as they climbed the building. Joel made the more gruesome kills, trying to spare Y/n what little pain he could, but Y/n was fearsome in her own right. The adrenaline from the epinephrine had heightened her senses, making her hyperaware of everything around her. If a Firefly so much as stepped an inch out from behind a wall, Y/n’s rifle was trained on him, not letting him live more than half a second.

Eventually, they made it.

The sixth floor.

With their sin all over them, Joel and Y/n walked down the hallway, passing the walls decorated with animal murals and creating a gruesome contrast. The glowing door at the end of the hall acted as their guiding light, the homing beacon they’d chased through the bloody battlefield they’d created.

Joel pushed the door open and they walked in, a window giving them a view into the operating room. Ellie was laid out on a table, a nurse was holding a gas mask to her face, drawing her into unconsciousness.

They were nearly too late.

Y/n, with adrenaline pumping through her veins, broke away from Joel and burst through the second set of doors. The doctor and nurses gasped in horror, jumping at the sudden sight.

“Unhook her,” Y/n growled, “Now.”

The doctor took a step towards Y/n, “How did you get in here?”

Joel was close behind her, Y/n’s speed drawing him out of his daze. “Unhook her,” he echoed.

The doctor nervously reached for a scalpel, holding it up to Joel and Y/n with shaking hands. “I won’t let you take her.”

He’d taken one step towards Y/n before Joel shot him, beating the epinephrine to protect her.

The nurses screamed and covered their ears, Y/n took it as her opportunity to move in on them.

“Un,” she enunciated, backing the women up towards Ellie’s bed, “Hook…her…now.”

“Move!” Joel shouted, keeping his gun drawn on them.

The nurses stepped to, unhooking Ellie’s various monitors and taking out her IV, a small stream of blood escaping the leftover hole. Joel couldn’t stand the sight of her bleeding.

“Cover her arm,” he ordered once again, “Fast.”

They obeyed and taped a piece of gauze to Ellie’s arm.

“Turn around,” Joel said as Y/n came back to stand beside him.

The nurses, shaking and whimpering in fear for their lives, did as they were told and turned their backs. Y/n kept her gun trained on them while Joel moved to Ellie, cupping the back of her neck and sitting her up. With the reassurance of her shallow breaths against his neck, his worst fear stayed buried twenty years in the past. He lifted Ellie into his arms delicately, his brutality melting to tenderness as soon as he’d touched her.

As Joel carried Ellie out of the room, Y/n stayed on his six and kept her gun aimed. She didn’t spare a glance at the doctor or the operating table as she left, unable to look at even one reminder of what could have been.

Joel and Y/n made it back down the hall, walking with the speed of criminals but the exhaustion of two people who had just laid waste to the world. Y/n tapped the elevator call button rapidly, the true effect of the epinephrine was starting to hit. She stumbled into the car behind Joel, smacking the button for the parking garage and leaned up against the wall. Her heart was slamming against her chest, sweat was pooling at her temples, her body was buzzing.

Joel peered over at her, concerned, and received a passive shake of the head.

“Is she okay?” Y/n whispered in between panting breaths.

“Yeah,” Joel mumbled, staring down at Ellie. The reality of the decision they’d made was beginning to hit them both.

They were dooming the world to save theirs.

The elevator gave them little time to think, dinging as it hit the bottom floor and opening its doors. Y/n stepped out ahead of Joel, her rifle pointed towards any threats lurking in the shadows. Joel spotted a parked and running car, the two of them made a beeline for the vehicle.

“You can’t keep her safe forever.”

Y/n spun around, Marlene stepped out from the darkness with her handgun drawn. Y/n didn’t hesitate to keep her rifle raised.

“No matter how hard you two try,” Marlene took slow, steady steps towards them, “No matter how many people you kill, she’s gonna grow up. And then you’ll die, she’ll leave. Then what? How long till she’s torn apart by Infected or murdered by raiders? Because she lives in a broken world that you could have saved.”

There was truth to what Marlene was saying, neither Joel nor Y/n could deny that.

“Maybe,” Joel answered, “But it isn’t for you to decide.”

“Or you two,” Marlene replied, her eyes flicking to Ellie, “So what would she decide, huh? ‘Cause I think she’d wanna do what’s right.”

Y/n nearly flinched, torn between Ellie’s fierce desire to protect and the plans she had for her future.

“And you know it,” Marlene’s gaze fell on Y/n, seeing the unsureness from her comrade. She slowly lowered her gun, “It’s not too late. Even now, even after what you two’ve done…we can still find a way.”

Y/n and Joel had lost everything to Cordyceps, one way or another. They’d lost their daughter, Y/n had lost her future with Joel and Tommy, her family, Joel had eventually lost Tommy, Tess, Bill and Frank…Cordyceps had taken anything and everything meaningful in their lives. They should have been first in line for advocating for a cure, and they would have been…

But nothing, not even the salvation of the world, was worth losing Ellie.

And that was what made it so easy for Y/n to shoot Marlene in the gut.

As soon as her former friend dropped to the floor, Y/n’s gun fell from her hands and her knees began to wobble. The room was spinning and her heartbeat was ramping up even further. The epinephrine was backfiring.

“No, no, no,” Joel mumbled, spinning around to put his back to Y/n as she fell forward, “Hold onto me.”

Y/n weakly reached around Joel’s neck and looped her arms around him.

Joel strained under the combination of Y/n and Ellie’s body weight, but his determination surpassed his body’s abilities. Carrying one and dragging the other, he fought his way to the truck. He shuffled Ellie in his arms to reach for the door, sliding her carefully into the backseat, before handling Y/n.

“What’s wrong?” Joel asked, twisting his body to take her into his arms, “What’s happening?”

Y/n, beginning to lose her grip on consciousness, shook her head once again and let her head loll against Joel’s shoulder.

“Hang on, hang on, honey,” Joel hurried, growing panicked that her injury had finally gotten to her and torn an organ, “Just hang on for me.”

Joel blindly reached for the passenger side door, he lifted Y/n with a grunt and placed her carefully in the seat. Brushing his hand against her cheek, he wiped the sweat off her skin.

“Rose,” Joel called in a rush as Y/n’s eyes began to flutter shut, slapping her face a few times, “Rose, honey, come on. Stay with me.”

A groan from behind them drew Joel’s attention and got Y/n to open her eyes. The two of them shared a knowing look, Joel swallowing harshly before dragging his fingers down Y/n’s perspiring cheek and unholstering his gun.

Y/n’s gaze followed him as he walked away from her, through the haze of the drugs, she felt some semblance of guilt. Not enough to make her call Joel’s name and ask he show mercy towards Marlene, but some little inkling of guilt that stood the chance at gnawing at her conscience if she ever came back to lucidity.

In the seconds before the bullet released from its chamber, Y/n memorialized her time with the Fireflies. She grieved their attempts to save Boston in the dark of night. The kids they’d lost in the fight, so eager to help, like Riley. All the battles that had seemed like part of something grander that now felt meaningless, now having seen the end goal. If death only bred death, and violence only bred violence, then perhaps there was truth to the old saying…the road to hell was paved with good intentions.

She tried, she thought, as a few tears escaped her eyes, she’d tried so hard to make a difference…

It had just been with the wrong people.

Joel fired one shot

Y/n was freed.

Joel hurried back to the truck and to Y/n’s side, her eyes were now shut and her pulse was slapping against her neck.

“Honey, come on,” Joel said softly, trying to calm both of them down, “I need you to take some deep breaths. Nice and slow.”

“Drive,” Y/n breathed, her heart practically beating out of her chest. Regardless of whether the epinephrine was going to kill her or not, they needed to escape.

Joel hesitated before pressing a kiss to Y/n’s forehead and shutting her door. He ran around the car, slamming its hood down and jumping in the driver’s seat. The keys were still in the ignition, there was nearly a full tank of gas. They were going to make it.

Joel looked over to Y/n, who had gone limp in her seat.

“Rose,” Joel practically shouted, reaching over to feel his love’s wrist, still feeling her pulse working overtime, “Honey, c’mon, wake up.”

“Drive, Joel,” Y/n slurred, her head slumped against her seat.

Joel did as requested and put the truck in drive, maneuvering them through the parking garage. All the while, he kept one trembling hand on Y/n’s knee, her rifle knocking against his knuckles each time they hit a speed bump. He didn’t know if by saving Ellie’s life, he was going to lose Y/n’s, and for once, Joel wanted a win. A full win. He didn’t want to sacrifice one more person.

The garage’s exit lay at the end of a long stretch of tunnel, the glow of daylight approaching faster and faster as Joel drove. Their three month journey would come to a close and his sins would see sunlight. And while anyone else would have said it had all been in vain, to risk one’s life to save humanity only to decide that humanity wasn’t worth the asking price, it wasn’t a waste. Not to Joel.

He glanced in the dashboard mirror, Ellie’s sleeping form in the backseat.

He looked over the glovebox, Y/n’s chest finally beginning to rise and fall at a steadier pace.

He would have done it all over again.

Every.

Single.

Part.

—————————

In a puddle of her own sweat, Y/n came to a few hours later, her head leaned up against the truck window. She blinked a few times, adjusting to the sunlight, and took stock of the rapidly moving landscape. There were forest trees and mountains in the distance.

“Hey,” Joel said, wrapping his hand around Y/n’s thigh.

“Hey,” she mumbled back, looking over to Joel, “Where are we?”

“Just outside of Wyoming,” he answered, rubbing his thumb across her jeans with a deep need to touch her, to assure himself she was okay. “Still a couple hours till we get to Tommy’s.”

Y/n hummed and nodded weakly, trying to look into the backseat at Ellie

“She’s been in and out,” Joel said, keeping his eyes focused on the road, “I told her about the raiders.”

Confusedly scrunching her brows, Y/n glanced back over at Joel.

“Attackin’ the hospital,” Joel continued, his pleading eyes drifting to his partner, “And about the tests they ran on her.”

“Yeah,” Y/n mumbled, reading Joel’s facial cues and coming to some understanding. She needed to be filled in on where she fit into the story.

Joel rubbed his hand over Y/n’s leg, “Get some sleep. I’ll wake ya when we’re close.”

There was so much she wanted to say, but her thoughts were too groggy to string more than two or three words together. With one scan of Joel’s clenched jaw and tired gaze, Y/n could tell he was feeling something similar. There’d be time for talking and setting their story straight, but for now, Y/n could close her eyes once more and settle into the knowledge that they were going home.

—————————

The next day, the car decided it had carried them far enough and the woods of Wyoming was where they’d part ways.

Joel examined the engine, a useless task considering they didn’t have the tools to repair anything, while Ellie and Y/n sat in the car.

“Well, she got us close enough,” Joel announced, coming around to the driver’s side, “We gotta walk the rest of the way. Probably about a five-hour hike,” he hung on the car door in front of Ellie, “But we can manage that. Remember?”

Ellie scanned her memories, bringing up their third day together, in the Massachusetts woods. She smiled, “Yeah.”

“Easy for you to say,” Y/n grunted as she used the backseat door to pull herself out of her seat, “You’re not walking around with two cracked fuckin’ ribs and a headache the size of Texas.”

“What happened to you back there anyway?” Ellie finally asked, Y/n had slept nearly the whole drive thus far. This was the longest she’d stayed awake.

“I did drugs,” Y/n replied honestly, having everything and nothing to hide.

“We’ll take it slow,” Joel promised, looping an arm around Y/n’s waist and kissing her forehead, “Take breaks.”

Y/n chuckled, “There’s a hot shower and a bed waiting on the other side of this fucking mountain,” she pointed up at the first hill they’d have to climb, “If anything, we’re shaving time off this thing.”

Joel smiled at the woman, who was already pulling Ellie to her feet and marching in the direction of their starting point.

As they hiked, Y/n’s energy started to go downhill again, and the painkillers she’d been given at the hospital had completely worn off. She leaned on Joel eventually, letting him brace some of her weight during the steeper portions.

Ellie, while concerned for Y/n’s wellbeing, was even more quiet than before they’d reached the hospital.

“Y’know, Sarah and I used to hike like this all the time,” Joel broke the silence and looked back to Ellie.

Y/n tilted her head towards Joel in surprise. It was the first time he’d brought up his daughter on his own accord…ever.

“I wouldn’t say it was her favorite thing. She wasn’t a fan of the mosquitos and such,” he continued, “But she was a big climber or…scampering. That’s probably the right word.”

“It is,” Y/n interjected, sharing a small smile with Joel.

“That girl…” Joel muttered, “She’d see a big rock and just…” he shot his free hand out, “Pew!”

Even at the mature age of thirteen, Y/n could remember Sarah and her running Texas’ nature trails and climbing the less dangerous rocks. Joel would follow behind, laughing and telling his girlfriend that if she broke his daughter, she was buying him a new one.

“She woulda liked you,” Joel told Ellie, it was one of the most honest things he’d ever said. “Not to say the two of you are the same. Definitely different kids.”

“How so?” Ellie softly asked from behind Joel and Y/n.

“Well, she was a lot more…” Joel trailed off, “I wanna say girly,” he quickly turned to Ellie, “And I’m not sayin’ that you’re not girly.”

“I’m not,” Ellie admitted, barely smiling up at Joel.

“Yeah, you’re not. So that,” Joel chuckled, tightening his hold on Y/n a little as he listed off Sarah’s attributes, “She was taller. She had a killer smile. Again, not sayin’ that you don’t.”

Y/n shook her head, withholding a laugh for the sake of her ribs. Three months prior, they’d all been threatening to kill each other. Now they were dancing around conversational landmines that weren’t even there, so afraid of hurting one another.

“But you know why I think she’d like you?” Joel addressed Ellie once more.

“Why?”

“‘Cause you’re funny,” Joel answered, “I think you would’ve made her laugh.”

Y/n nodded, “She also would have appreciated the well deserved crap you give her dad.”

Joel snorted at Y/n’s comment, knowing there was truth to it. Sarah had always enjoyed having someone to gang up on him with, but no fiercer duo had ever existed than the likes of his daughter and his girlfriend.

“Anyway,” Joel felt his emotions beginning to tighten around his throat, “I bet you would’ve liked her back.”

“Yeah,” Ellie said, still sounding distant, “Bet I would’ve.”

The weight of Sarah’s death had suffocated Joel and Y/n separately for two decades. It had been a blade, sticking out their chest, that they’d somehow learned to live with. But there was something, between their time with Ellie and their coming back together, that had caused the pain to…change. It would never hurt any less than it did now, but Sarah’s memory now seemed like one they could look back on with more than grief. There could be smiles and laughter as they thought back on their beautiful, brilliant girl.

Y/n rested her head on Joel’s shoulder as they walked, he pressed his cheek to her hair. They both felt it.

A little ways more and they’d reached the top of the hill. In the distance, the town of Jackson stretched within its walls. It was far bigger than any of them had realized.

“There ya go,” Joel said as they paused to take it in, “Not much further now.”

He helped Y/n on the decline with her keeping her weary eyes on what they’d now call home. She nearly cried when she realized that they’d never have to leave it again. The three of them could settle into life as close to what it should have been.

“Hey, wait,” Ellie called, bringing Joel and Y/n to a halt. She began to form words before abandoning them, “Fuck…”

Joel’s muscles tightened, worried that she’d taken the time to pick apart his lie.

“Back in Kansas City, you asked me about the first time I killed someone,” Ellie spoke to Joel.

He fidgeted a little as he held Y/n, relieved that it wasn’t about the hospital.

“When I got bit,” Ellie continued, “I-I wasn’t on my own. My best friend was there and she got bit too. We didn’t know what to do, and she says, ‘We can just wait it out…be all poetic and just lose our minds together.’”

Y/n bit her lip, her brief time of knowing Riley’s spirit flashed through her mind.

“And then she did,” Ellie went on with her story, “And I had to…her name was Riley, and she was the first to die. And then it was Tess. And then it was Sam-”

Joel shook his head, “That’s not on you.”

“No,” Y/n reenforced, “Not at all.”

“I know,” Ellie sighed, “But-“

“Look sometimes things don’t work out the way we hope,” Joel said, “You can feel like…like you’ve come to an end…and you don’t know what to do next,” he sighed, thinking back on all the choices in his life that had led him to this moment, “But if you just keep going…you find something new to fight for.”

Y/n looked downwards, feeling every one of Joel’s words ring true in her heart.

“And maybe that’s not what you want to hear-“ Joel tried to continue his speech.

“Swear to me,” Ellie interrupted.

Joel and Y/n paused, holding their breaths as their tale was challenged. Y/n’s exhaustion allowed her to lower her head as she fought to take a deeper breath.

“Swear to me that everything you said about the Fireflies is true,” Ellie continued, her eyes demanding yet still soft.

Lying was an essential part of survival. It was a skill to be honed and a craft that required complete dedication. Joel had lied his way through life, into black market deals and smuggling opportunities. Y/n had lied to aid the Fireflies and to save her own life. They’d been comfortable saying whatever they needed to to stay alive.

That feeling died on the Wyoming hilltop.

“I swear,” Joel replied.

Y/n inhaled as deep as she could, feeling the fullness of what she was about to say wash over her and possess her body.

“I swear.”

Ellie watched them, her mind working to process what they were saying, leaving her nearly unreadable. They waited with bated breath as she decided whether to accept their answers or not.

“Okay.”

Without another word, Ellie picked up her pace, moving past Joel and Y/n to head down the hill. Joel began their descend, but Y/n pulled her arm away from him and stayed frozen.

“Give me a minute,” she said, her eyes on the mountains.

Joel inhaled to argue the point that she couldn’t make it more than ten steps on her own, but the distance in her eyes advised him against it. He let her hand go and began to follow Ellie, turning back once to make sure she was okay.

Y/n let her eyes drift down to Jackson, tracing the outlines of the town and trying to find the house that would become theirs. The possibilities were overwhelming as to what they could do when they got there. If there was electricity, she could cook proper meals for Joel and Ellie. They could have game nights. Tommy could come over at random moments in the day. Ellie could attend a real school. Joel could get back to his roots and fix up the house. They could retire to their bedroom each night, calling out to Ellie to go to sleep before doing the same. It could be the domestic life she’d always wanted, simplistic in every sense.

Except it wouldn’t be real.

Y/n had seen the distrust in Ellie’s face, she knew that at some point, the girl would figure it out. And if she didn’t, she’d always be questioning if her and Joel were telling the God’s honest truth. What their relationship had been would never again be. By saving Ellie’s life, they had forever changed the dysfunctional little found family they’d created.

Y/n blinked once, took a deep breath, and headed down the hill, taking her first step into a life of lies.

——————

TYL Taglist: @bachiracore @stolenxkissess @kayleezra @the-wistful-reader @allthesesonsofbitches @goth-detectives365 @trippovert @rh1nestonecowg1rl @emiliaserpe @khaleesihavilliard @frietiemeloen @gracie7209 @dorck26 @thegirlnextdoorssister @alanis-altair @mariwinns16 @whosscruffylooking @endofthexline @alexiaricciardo @eonnyx @pedrosmexicangf @scarlettequinn @ao-sleepy @toinfinityandbeyonce2 @deanlovescassie @turmoil-ash @sorrowjunky @kpopslur @xxlilyxx90 @midgetpottermills @presidential-facts @scoopsnini @tubble-wubble @jamesdeerest @burninggracesandbridges @star-wars-lover @lucyhotchner @cococola-cocaine @witheringhqarts @fall-writes @alwaysdjarin @xxmoonn @emilia-the-artist @wand-erer5 @boneyarrd @lizard-zombie @themultifandomofmadness @cassidylea123 @paleepeaches @mxltifxnd0m @kettlekatie @ultimate-cinephile @gloryekaterina @caramelkatsukis-bitch @whovianayesha @memeorydotcom @deadunicorn159 @get0ut0fmyr00m @siriuslymooned @emmyeed @superbreadsoul @hellu-people1 @ourautumn86 @inas-thing @noraapple05 @givemylovetoall @luvwanda (tags cont. in comments)

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fic #joel miller imagine #the last of us imagine #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic #the last of us fic #twenty years later

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renthony · 2 months

Note

Just curious. How bad has Biden been at controlling COVID-19 in your view?

First: I already responded to a similar question you left on this post.

Second: Biden has been atrocious for COVID-19 safety and management. COVID-19 is still killing people, and our president has done a horribly insufficient job in mitigating that. "Better than the Republicans" is not the same thing as "good" or "effective." Biden's abysmal reaction to COVID-19 is part of why I'm so thrilled that the Uncommitted campaign for the Democratic primary has achieved some success. That particular campaign is focused on ceasefire in Palestine, but the People's CDC explained in a statement how Palestine is also very much a public health issue. We need to scare the bastard and actually do some of that "pushing him left" that people claimed they'd do after getting him elected. Though it seems to me like a lot of people just settled for, "okay, we got rid of Trump, we don't have to worry anymore."

Third: While I'm at it, people have to do more than vote. You have got to get involved. You have got to do more than participate in the presidential election once every four years. Join a union (may I recommend the IWW?), follow the guidance of The People's CDC, volunteer for your local Food Not Bombs, get involved in a tenants union like the Autonomous Tenants Union Network, read Riot Medicine, get trained in first aid and get involved in a street medic group, read up on your local politics and get involved on the small-scale, do something in addition to voting in the presidential election. Even if you're limited in how much you can personally participate, find the people who are talking about these issues and signal boost them, and share the information with others who may be more able to participate more. If you can tell people to go vote in the presidential election, you can also tell them to go do other things, too.

Now, with all of that out of the way, here are some links related to Biden's abysmal COVID-19 response:

During his 2020 campaign, Biden promised immediate $2K stimulus checks. Instead, he delivered $1,400. Sources: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

Velena Jones for NBC Bay Area: "‘Too expensive': Bay Area residents shocked over new COVID vaccine prices"

Reuters: "COVID vaccine manufacturers set list price between $120-$130 per dose"

Joseph Choi for The Hill: "Free COVID-19 test program to be suspended for now"

Disability activist Alice Wong writing for TeenVogue: "Covid Isn't Going Anywhere. Masking Up Could Save My Life," and the follow-up article, "COVID and the 2024 Election: What Biden and Democrats Owe High-Risk People."

Laura Weiss writing for The New Republic: "Democrats Can't Keep Ignoring Covid in 2024."

David Cohen and Adam Cancryn for Politico: "Biden on '60 Minutes': 'The Pandemic is Over.'"

Alex Skopic for Current Affairs: "COVID-19 is Still a Threat. So is Biden’s CDC."

Adam Cancryn for Politico: "Biden Appears to be Over Covid Protocols."

Paul Thornton for the Los Angeles Times: "Covid Still Rages, and the Biden Administration Isn't Helping."

Eric J. Topol for the Los Angeles Times: "The U.S. is facing the biggest COVID wave since Omicron. Why are we still playing make-believe?"

We should have free, universal testing. We should have free, universal vaccination. We should have free, universal treatment. We should have financial assistance for those of us who can't work outside the home. We should have mandated work-from-home for any job that can be done remotely. We should be emptying prisons and paying attention to the way disease and abuse proliferate inside their walls. We should have COVID-19 safety PSAs and government support for universal masking. We should have free distribution of N95s. We should have mandated masking in medical settings and public spaces. We should have a higher minimum wage. We should have healthcare reforms. We should have strong worker protections. We should have improved infrastructure. We should have a president who gives a single flying fuck about how many of us are dying.

And we have none of it.

But we sure seem to have money to keep dropping bombs, arming cops, terrorizing the vulnerable, and imprisoning innocent people to use for slave labor.

#original post #covid 19

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jerktournament · 4 months

Text

FINAL ROUND - GLaDOS (Portal) VS Herbert P Bear (Club Penguin)

!!! PROPAGANDA BELOW !!!

GLaDOS: "So mot only is she running your character through a series of puzzles with the intention of killing her at the end, but in the second game she spends the Entire. Time. Verbally and emotionally abusing you, including body shaming and bullying you for being an orphan. If it's any consolation, she does have to exist as a potato for the second and third acts of Portal 2."

"Known for being mean (hot). Mercilessly targets the player character's every possible insecurity. Petty and mean. I understand if you don't want to include her since she tends to dominate polls, lol."

HERBERT: "This mf spends his whole life trying to heat up a frozen island and terrorizing the innocent penguins that live on it all bc he was bad at sailing one time and is too much of a wimp to try again. Classic Misery loves Company type asshole."

"operation blackout would have been NOTHING without him (mostly because he caused it). he has a SOLAR LASER. this polar bear is an ass who literally harnessed the power of the sun and froze the top members of the elite penguin force (a group of penguin special agents) and his best friend is an equally villainous crab"

"Herbert may be a fandom darling in our fandom of like, 20 people. BUT DON'T LET THAT FOOL YOU! He is a conniving, EVIL bear, and a professional jerk and some highlights of his jerkishness include...

- Spending ten years of his life (by the time the game closed) trying to destroy the Penguin Secret Agency and Elite Penguin Force (both were agencies that protected the island from disasters and villains like Herbert) with varying success...

- SUCCESSFULLY destroyed the Penguin Secret Agency with a popcorn bomb, which destroyed their HQ. It should also be noted that while doing so, he locked in the player, Rookie, and Gary the Gadget Guy, presumably so the bombs explosion would have killed them all.

-Teamed up with the EPF to stop the Ultimate Protobot 10,000 and the Test Bots, a small group of four dangerous robots after he personally brought them back. When Protobot went "too far" for Herbert's standards by threatening the environment and trying to completely destroy the EPF (despite the aforementioned Popcorn Bomb incident literally destroying the PSA, and also a certain Operation: Blackout), causing him to temporarily switch sides. This might sound like a character growth moment...except for the fact that he immediately betrays them once Protobot is dealt with and attacks and damages the EPF's HQ using a robot hydra made for the Medieval Party that he stole.

- A canonical ex-dictator. Don't believe me? Look up Operation: Blackout on the Club Penguin Wiki! He froze several agents during his reign of terror, was open to freezing innocent civilians, and also wanted to do away with puffles- the pets of penguins. He also banned several hobbies and professions during his reign (being a Ninja, a DJ, a Pirate, etc) for no reason other than disliking them. He also destroyed the EPF'S HQ and exposed two agents' private information to the public. This means Herbert is the first and only character to canonically dox people he doesn't like on Club Penguin.

-Was planning to bomb the EPF literally two months later with a hot sauce bomb (makes sense in context of the game and yes, it is more destructive than it sounds).

-Brainwashed puffles into digging coins for him purely because his henchman, Klutzy the crab brought a coin slot to use for his DIY heater, instead of just removing the coin slot and retooling it to work without one like a normal person."

#poll #glados #portal #herbert p bear #club penguin #finals #tumblr polls

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tocomplainfriend · 2 months

Text

It feels less like you want to address a real life problem to characters, but more like you want to have another of your characters you constantly baby and want others to fangirl over.

TW: Rape, SA, Racism, Stereotyping, Homophobia, Acephobia, Arophobia.

The representations of topics in media DOES affect real people.

Fiction can affect reality.

Let's start easy, Jaws. This goes back to Hazbin I promise.

"Since the release of Jaws in 1975, the world has witnessed a staggering decline of 71% in shark and ray populations, and around 100 million sharks are killed each year." (including multiple practices of mass hunting sharks in competition)

Both Steven Spielberg and the original writer Peter Benchley regret the movie and book. It's a big reason of the shark treatment, when it started by old fishermen worrying about shark biting people in the beaches they made money of.

Even if you aren't a shark killer yourself, a lot of things you believe of sharks are untrue myths that come from making sharks "evil" human killer animals. Sharks cannot smell blood from miles away, that's not even how water works, the particles of blood need to enter their nostrils. Sharks are not man eaters, they attack other prey animals before human. Shark attacks are extremely rare, even if they happen they are not justifiable to kill all sharks.

Sharks actually have personalities they can fit in, they are smart and recognize people and boats- and form positive relationships with people. They can even like getting pet by people.

youtube

Other level to represent other thing sin media that affects reality we can address Queer, representation as a topic.

I hope it is not a surprise for you... possible non-straight, non-cis person reading this. That the constant representation of gay man as kid predator is a problem. They used old commercial (PSA) to spread negative views of gay man. Media is used to spread messages and affect its viewer. This is, there are cartoons created by Jehovah witness (or similar religions) to spread their beliefs and teach to their children in an easy, digestible way.

Same with the amount of straight woman that went off to read shitty yaoi manga and fetishy gay wattpad stories, and went to sexualize and diminish queer men. Constantly making gay man's personality into bottom or top (uke and seme shit). I witness this irl, others have too.

Same with shitty men that view Lesbians as a porn machine for men, cause "monkey brain like woman, lesbian = two women". Which happens in general and adult media. All of these are EASY examples.

Another one which turns out many people don't think about. Having your representation of an AroAce character (on purpose or not) be the psychopath with no feelings. Associating the not being romantically or sexually to means you have no heart, to be abnormal, by then a psychopath. An abuse or serial killer.

Fiction does affect reality-

A racist film, 'Birth of the nation' Revived the KKK and let to all the discrimination, and the homicide of black people of centuries ahead.

youtube

Coming back around, how you treat the topic of SA, and r-pe- affects the real world. You would think someone who wrote that, had in mind on how that affects people in real life. Didn't you want to represent victims of SA/R-pe that are sex workers and male?

Reducing the r-pist, pimp, trafficker character to an air head to treat as silly is crazy to do. Specially as... oh idk... the creator? Both this and the tweet of the voice actor calling Val "Bubbles Coded" is so crazy. The character is also not deep enough by itself, it's pretty much Stupid and a R-pist sex trafficker. The tweet below Viv's fucking kills me too.

The fact Val is shown to be air head stupid doesn't delete he backed Angel (and by being a sex trafficker and a pimp, and him licking charlie that means he has multiple victims) into a corner and under his control. Too then abuse of him in many different ways. Manipulations are not only done by Super mastermind people, and representing it in such way diminished, affects people who have being manipulated and actually try to question if they have being or not. Manipulators can be normal, average people, they usually are not obvious. Even if Val is openly a shitty person that's really obvious, it doesn't detract from him being manipulative to people. The scene where Val threatens him in chains that is manipulation, his text messages are manipulation (even if you think it is too obvious to be successful).

How you represent SA/R-PE, and its perpetrators, do affect real life.

Going around and having your "serious R-pe episode", to then go in other episodes or the other series you are writing to make r-pe/sa jokes is terrible. For the person that directed the whole scene of poison to NOT be r-pe/sa victim (said by themselves) with a r-pe fetish with this character's in specific, to directed in the most graphic way possible is awful. To go around babying your r-pist character is crazy.

youtube

Hope you understand that this doesn't mean not treating any topic at all. Creators should be awere on how they treat topics and the scenarios they create with them, too. People and viewers need to also put their brain to understand the media they consume. But you can't always put all blame only on the viewers of a series, if media is messy is a fault of the media. You can criticize both.

You need to acknowledge Valentino is indeed a terrible person, You don't need to delete his actions or the weight of them.

I also just know that a lot of Val fans just like him to draw him in r-pe art and get their fetishized gay ship. Cause that's what they are into. You won't even do that with a woman, because you are into your fucked up fetishized gay porn from wattpad you never left behind.

If you like him, FUCK IT, just please take his abuse seriously. Don't default your entire usage, and view of the character to be 'uwufied' fandom stuff, please.

I hate how the topic has being treated, in and out of the show. I'm a victim, and I'm hurt by how these things are treated and knowing how it affects others. Even in things I haven't watched! Don't make the argument don't like it? Just don't watch it. The movies from the video of SA of men being a joke, many I haven't watch- that still affects over all. It's still a problem and it's disheartening.

Also have this:

#hazbin critical #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel critique #vivziepop critical #vivziepop criticism #vivziepop critique #tw sa #tw rape #tw homophobia #tw racsim #tw acephobia #tw arophobia

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destielfanfic · 1 day

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Group Ask #212

Relevant links to find lost fic

previous group asks - feel free to browse them!

spnstoryfinders

Guide to Finding Fic

Guide to Finding Lost Fic

PSA - Save Your Faves!

Lost and Found fic posts - when mods knew the answer!

when looking for fics similar to the ones you have read, check out our Fics like X Reference Post and Fics like X Tag

Before sending in a lost fic ask, please check out our Tags Page and see if the fic in question could be found under some plot/ trope/ pairing related tag! Big thanks to all followers who do check the tags before sending in the ask!!! Our anon is switched off for good but you can always ask for your url to be withhold either on the lost ask or the answer re fic. <333

And even bigger thanks to all folks who help us to find lost fics! You guys are the real MVPs!!!

Ask #1 (Anon 1 ): there’s this fic…# 1

It's canon divergent and I think Dean and Cas get together in the middle of it. But it's a case fic where demons are gathering all over and Sam calls a bunch of hunters to the bunker. They split into teams and go to the areas where the demons are gathering. Dean and Cas are a team and they go to this office building and the boss is this lady who is possessed. I really really don't remember much else but there's one part that I recall vividly. Dean and Cas are caught by the demons in the office and tied up. The boss lady tells them that they actually want Sam. Dean asks her if she really expects him to give up his own brother. She says no, but Cas might. Cas says "he's my brother too." And that's basically all I remember. Also, I think Jody ends up rescuing them from the demons. And there's an asshole hunter that one of them punches. Sorry I know this is vague but I've been looking for this fic for months now.

Ask #2 ( ): there’s this fic…# 2

Hi! I’m looking for a fic, and I swear I’ve found it before and now I’ve lost it again, BUT. It’s an AU, that starts in like Roman/grecian times where Dean is captured and Cas (I think Cassius??) is the son of the lord and likes to taunt all the slaves his father’s got. Anyway one day Dean leads a revolt and ends up getting caught and killed for his efforts, and he vows as he’s dying to find cas in the next life. And then! They find each other in the next life!! But this time they’re falling in love! And I cannot for the life of me remember what it’s called or any relevant tags. I know I read it on AO3! Thanks!

Ask #3 ( @forthosethatwonder ): there’s this fic…# 3

Hi! I've been thinking about this fic for a while and I can't seem to find it. It's a very angsty story. I think it takes place in California. Dean and Cas are former foster kids who grew up next to each other. Dean, in a more normal house with Ellen or Missouri, as his parent. Cas was in a house with many other kids and had an abusive foster parent (Azazel/Allistar?) that he eventually has to kill to stop him from hurting the younger children. Cas eventually just disappears from Dean's life, but returns to the home when he finds out that Dean's foster mother is sick or recently died? The fic bounces between past and present. I hope those are the details, it's been a while since I've read it. Hopefully someone can remember what it is. Thank you!

Ask #4 ( @loveagoodstory2 ): there’s this fic…# 4

4.1 Hello I’m looking for a fic I read some time ago. In this story Dean takes a job as Cas companion. He saves Cas at a party by bringing him a phone call. Dean has a bad panic attack in the shower and Gabe helps him. I think Cas owes a security company.

4.2 There is also another one where Dean catches Cas in bed with Meg and it’s so heartbreaking. (He was able to catch them because he was driving a different car) Gabe and Sam are at the divorce proceedings with them because Dean had to go through therapy. Gabe feels bad because he introduced them.

Ask #5 ( @heynow-urarockstar ): there’s this fic…# 5

Hello! Really hoping you can help me find a destiel fic set around season 7. Sam and Dean find Cas from the lake all wounded and take him back to patch him up. Leviathans are after them, Sam keeps seeing Lucifer, and lots of Cas-whump as they move around a bunch. Cas is blind for a majority of the fic. Been looking for it for weeks! I think word count is around 60-100k words.

Ask #6 ( @trueastoast): there’s this fic…# 6

A while back I read a longer kinda slow burn fic where destiel were childhood or highschool friends later turned lovers. They get married later in life and foster to adopt a little girl then when she’s older they foster a troubled preteen boy the Cas thinks might be a lost cause but Dean puts in the work and they bond over past parental trauma and fishing. Wish I could remember the name I just know it was an AU with a sprinkle of internalized homophobia in the beginning of their relationship and disagreements over adoption later. Any tips appreciated!

Other requests

Ask #7 - our follower is looking for a possibly deleted fic, “Castiel Takes Care of Dean Winchester” by asexualclassicist on AO3.

Ask #8 - our follower is looking for a possibly deleted fic, “I’ve got a Bad Case of Lovin’ you” by HigherMagic.

Ask #9 - our follower is looking for a possibly deleted fic "Castiel's Scars" by Martypom.

It takes a village to find a lost fic, every reblog is appreciated!

#group asks #asks #there is this fic #looking for deleted fics

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depravitycentral · 1 year

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Yandere! Shalnark General Profile

Yandere! Shalnark x fem! reader

CW: kidnapping, stalking, nonconsensual recording, emotional abuse, mentions of non-con, mentions of masturbation, threats, mentions of death/murder, mild gore, Stockholm Syndrome, Shalnark gets handsy with you while you're asleep, PSA he's a creep, fem reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!

DARLING PROFILE

Naïve

Shalnark is, in all honesty, a bit of a monster.

Everything in his life is about controlling others, stealing and loyalty to the Troupe, and because of this time has hardened him into a person who lives to manipulate, who lives to bend others to his every whim and will.

And while some part of him does love his darling, in a twisted, fucked up way, Shalnark really sees his beloved as someone that he can manipulate and trick into being with him (though, he does eventually hope that they’ll genuinely love him, as he loves them).

He has no qualms with warping their every thought and perception of the world until the only thing they can think of, can love and want to be around is him.

Having a darling who’s almost painfully oblivious or always seeing the best in people is a trait that Shalnark not only finds absolutely fucking adorable, but it also makes the process of making sure that he’s the only thing they deem important in life so much easier, something he’s honestly grateful for.

His darling is so very cute, someone that endlessly entertains him with how adorably clueless they are to the real world. And Shalnark can’t wait to expose them to it – to show them that he’s the only one that protect them from all the monsters out there, the bad people who just want to use his beloved.

It’s an endearing trait that Shalnark will take full advantage of, and his darling likely won’t even notice until it’s much, much too late.

Sweet

While much of his persona feels forced and fake, there’s a certain allure to genuine kindness that makes Shalnark swoon.

He likes the idea of darling who’s genuinely just sweet, a soft personality that he can easily mold and shape into whatever he wants. He wants someone to feed his ego, only making him happier, giving him more to work with, more determination to get them to love him.

He’s not especially used to compliments, but as his darling steadily begins supplying him with them, very quickly Shalnark learns to love it – they’re just so sweet, so adorable and kind when they tell him that he’s really funny, you make me laugh a lot.

It makes him smile when they tell him how his hair is really soft, you must spend a lot of time on it to keep it this healthy and pretty.

His heart hammers in his chest when they whisper that they love him, that he makes them so happy and that they never want to leave him, even if their words are more than a little swayed by threats and knowing how easily he could kill them.

Having a kind darling is something that Shalnark looks for, something that he seeks out, if only because hearing kind words while he slowly breaks them down, makes them utterly and completely dependent on him is something that makes little tingles shoot down his spine, a sparkle to those wide green eyes.

His darling is just so cute!

Introverted

Shalnark is attracted to the idea of someone who isn’t nearly as outgoing as himself.

He’s a talker, through and through, and having a darling who’s a listener is something that he finds incredibly appealing.

He likes the idea of his beloved not constantly going out, rather preferring to spend nights inside, reading a good book or watching a movie or playing video games or whatever their hobbies may be.

It’s cute to him, how flustered they get when put in social situations, how they’re so easily drained just by simply interacting with others, and his more sadistic side comes out when he purposefully tries to drain that social battery, chattering and blabbering nonstop about trivial, pointless things. He does it just to see them desperate for a moment of peace, a moment alone to get away from his constant talking - because that means they're thinking of him.

Of course, they won’t ever get that moment alone, not if Shalnark has any say, but it’s still cute to watch them squirm, to see the way they’re so eager to be alone, to get some peace and quiet and alone time.

It’s cute, and a good bargaining chip for him – personal time in exchange for certain favors, a deal that can’t be beat, especially considering the fact that the dozens of cameras trained on their figure at any given time make sure that they’re never truly alone.

Complaisant

While Shalnark couldn’t give a shit about gender roles and expectations based on sex (hell, the three women in the troupe are enough to prove that sexism is bullshit, even if Shizuku can be a bit ditzy at times), there’s a certain appeal to having a partner who’s willing to cater to his every need that satisfies him.

He likes the idea of his beloved being subservient, that they’re willing to drop everything just to please him, and its something that only becomes more attractive over time as his obsession with them continues on. He likes knowing that he has them in the palm of his hand, his to do whatever he pleases, whenever he pleases.

It’s a cute trait to him, that they’re so adorably focused on what others want rather than themself, and Shalnark plans to take full advantage of this little tendency. He will be making them do things he knows they don’t particularly enjoy, just to see how far they’re willing to go to make him happy.

He likes the idea that they’re so dependent on others’ needs and desires that they forfeit their own, and the longer he spends around his darling, the more he falls in love, the more he realizes that they’re the perfect addition to his collection of toys.

Though, he’d never kill or harm this one; it’s his prize, his special little thing.

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Manipulative

Nen types and personalities are, of course, connected – and as far as Shalnark is concerned, it’s no harm done if he twists the situation just a bit. It's okay if he feeds you with pretty little lies every once in a while, just to make sure you see the situation his way, that you understand his perspective.

He swears he has no ill intent towards you – no, of course not! He’s completely in love, so deeply and helplessly enraptured by you that the only reason he’s really telling you how he happened to be in the area and wanted to stop by is to make you more comfortable. He wants to make you feel special and bubbly and desired rather than admitting that he’s been staring at you from behind a computer screen for the last twelve hours, only moving when his desperation to see you became too strong.

He's only trying to help when he warns you against certain people. He'd hate to see you fall into the wrong hands; people who want to hurt you, change you. Only Shalnark gets to do these things - which is why he's always subtly trying to tell you how you shouldn’t hang out with that guy again, can’t you tell he only wants you for your body? You’d be much better off with someone who loves you for you and not just your curves!

He’s really just trying to prevent anything from happening in the future with that piece of scum that’s been taking up your attention recently because although he hasn’t shown any signs of ill intent yet, Shalnark is absolutely positive that he’ll break your heart, that he couldn’t treat you nearly as well as the blond himself can.

Because of his friendly and chipper attitude, Shalnark can easily get you believing him, quickly establishing a complete sense of trust between the two of you that makes him absolutely giddy with power.

He loves that you listen to his each and every word like they’re the purest truth, like his word is law, like he’s the only one who could ever possibly understand you.

The lies he feeds you can be small, flippant ideas you don't seem to question.

(Your phone’s been sending texts you don’t remember typing to your male friends? Huh, guess the technology needs to be updated or your memory is just getting absolutely terrible!)

Others are large, meaningful twisting of words that you're a bit more hesitant to accept - but when Shalnark gives you that smile, all sunshine and warmth, you'll begrudgingly drop it.

(That guy who flirted with you at the store was found dead this morning and you’re wondering why Shalnark had gotten to your hang out late with blood splattered across his shirt? No, of course he has nothing to do with it – you must be seeing things, and how could you ever accuse Shalnark himself, the only friend you have left, of doing something so terrible?).

He’s really good at making his face completely unfaltering when you bring up anything that tip toes too close to the truth, making sure that his façade of innocence doesn’t slip so that you’d become suspicious of him, and he’s able to get you believing quite literally anything he says.

He’s forced his way into your life, narrowing down the list of people you feel close to and those you can trust until he’s the only name left. And while the process is a bit time consuming and frustrating, it’s so worth it to see you smile so brightly when you see him, to make some offhand joke about how he’s the only person who isn’t immediately declining your calls and sending it straight to voicemail, how he’s always there for you.

And really, Shalnark couldn’t be prouder – it doesn’t feel necessarily good to manipulate you, to look at those pretty, vulnerable eyes and lie straight to your face, but it’s worth it.

Anything is worth the end result of you depending solely on him, completely willing to believe each and every word he says.

He craves it, needing it, needing to be needed by you. It makes him feel almost a bit pathetic, but there's something about you that makes Shalnark not care if he throws his pride out the window.

But you’ll eventually figure out how he’s painted a picture in your mind so distorted from reality that it physically makes you sick.

(When you find the multitude of cameras placed strategically in various areas of your room, the short strands of blond hair laying next to your pillow in the mornings, the lingering smell of cum and musk that you know is not your own settling heavy over your bedroom, and of course when he eventually steals you away and you see the thousands upon thousands of videos and pictures he’s saved of you, it’ll become very clear exactly what’s going on).

You’ll be forced to realize that he completely beat you, that you trusted him and he knew it, but it’s too late.

You’re already too deep in, too unsure of what reality really is and how far his lies and deception of your own life really reaches, and Shalnark will capitalize on that.

He’ll use anything and everything he possibly can to make sure you stay his, to make sure you stay right by his side.

Obsessive

Fascination is an understatement for Shalnark's feelings towards you. You’re something he could – and does – stare at for hours, watching every little thing you do, soaking up every detail he possibly can about you.

You’re endlessly entertaining to him, and while he still prioritizes his duties for the Troupe above his own personal matters, every waking moment that the blond has free is spent behind the computer screen or outside your bedroom window.

Wide green eyes stare at your unaware form, seeing you live out your life that he wishes so desperately he could be a part of.

He has this compulsive need to learn everything he can about you, and years of studying and profiling certain events and people for work has led him to be incredibly skilled at stalking, in the most unconventional ways.

Almost immediately after his infatuation forms, Shalnark is installing cameras all over your apartment, the some fifty lenses angled so that he doesn’t miss a single thing. They're everywhere, so that he doesn’t not see you sleeping from three different directions, so that he doesn’t not see you showering with your naked and glistening body fully on display from an angle above you and below you.

(Below is his favorite, though, if only because the way you sometimes spread your legs to balance yourself makes his throat feel dry, the angle of your breasts making him audibly gulp and his hand wander down his chest).

It makes him feel connected to you, a boyish, fluttering feeling erupting in his chest every time he gets to see that cute little smile, your tired, sleepy eyes as you get ready for bed, the lewd and fucking perfect faces you make when you’re touching yourself.

The cameras are enough, for a while, but quickly he grows impatient, installing microphones and bugging devices all over to match with them.

Now he can hear what kind of music you like to put on while you cook dinner or clean, how often you talk to yourself, your little yelps of pain when you stub your toe.

Soon enough he’s hacking into all of your electronics, so that he can monitor what you look at, who you’re talking to, where you’re going. He’s recording your banking information, social security number, your passport information, sensitive facts that he has the absolute right to know, as your soon to be partner for life.

He wants to make it so that he’s not only inserting himself into your physical world, but your virtual and personal one as well, so that once the two of you are living together and having the happy, perfect life he dreams of, that he’ll know everything, that absolutely nothing will catch him off guard and threaten what he deems as perfect.

Shalnark has all your information stored in various folders on his computers, his phones, his everything, so that no matter where he is, if he has a free moment and he can’t watch the actual live footage of you, he can browse through the thousands of pages of facts and observations he’s made of you. It refreshes his memory as he stares down lovingly at the screen with a dopey smile, his cheeks flushed slightly pink.

And when Shizuku tilts her head and asks what he’s looking at, Shalnark has absolutely no shame – he’s showing everyone who asks pictures of you, gushing about how perfect you are and how much he loves you.

(He won’t, of course, show any more risqué pictures or lewd observations of your habits, if only because those are reserved only for him, but as time goes on slowly the idea of showing Feitan and Phinks and the others exactly how sexy and perfect his sweet little thing is grows harder and harder to ignore.)

In all honestly, the Troupe is mostly just happy for him, or at least indifferent. Pakunoda is a bit disturbed by the way he’s constantly watching you, but she says nothing, feeling happy that he has someone in his life to care about and live for, aside from the Spider of course.

Really, as Shalnark’s darling, the concept of privacy or personal space becomes completely non-existent – he will see everything you do, be aware of who you talk to. And when numbers suddenly block you, friends you hold dear no longer contacting you, he’s more than happy that be the man you come running to.

You’ll be crying in frustration and confusion, wondering why so many people seem to be mad at you for no reason, all the while he relishes in the smell of your hair and the feel of your body hugging his.

He’s too fully in ecstasy - and fully unwilling - to mention anything about him blocking their numbers, setting up your phone in such a way that you’ll never be talking to them again.

He'll have a hand in every possible aspect of your life – you won’t know, but Shalnark certainly will, and he couldn’t be happier.

After all, doesn’t looking out for you and getting to know you count as things girls love, traits of the perfect boyfriend? He thinks so, and as the bright light from the computer screens illuminates his face in the otherwise dark room as he watches you snuggle up into bed from the comfort of his office chair, he can only sigh and dreamily trace a finger along the outline of your relaxed body, whispering about how he can’t wait until the day I get to cuddle up next to you.

It would almost be cute if it wasn't so fucking creepy.

Clingy

Shalnark is hellbent on becoming a main, driving part of your life; he forces himself into every possible nook and cranny he can, wanting to make sure that he gets to spend time with you, to see your beautiful self not just through the cameras but also with his own eyes.

He wants to feel your soft skin as he grabs your wrist and leads you through the crowded marketplace, making sure to lean down and whisper into your ear to be careful, you should grab onto me so you don’t get lost, yeah?

He craves contact with you, whether it be simply existing in the same space as you, having your attention and gaze focused on him, or – his personal favorite – physical touch.

He loves the way your skin feels against his own; so soft and warm and supple, and at any given chance he’s subtly trying to hold your hand, to intertwine your fingers together under the guise of friendship.

(Though this kills him, if only because he wants so badly to tell you how in love he is, how much he wants you and needs you and fuck, it doesn’t take long for him to imagine how your fingers would feel against something else of his, something hard and wet and throbbing - and great, now he’s hard and you’re standing there all doe eyed and innocent while he remembers yesterday seeing the way you looked with that vibrator of yours stuffing your cute little hole full.)

He’s good at distracting you, asking you some question about a hobby of yours that he already knows the answer to. You light up and soon words are falling out of your mouth too quickly and passionately to notice the way his hand lingers on your side just a touch too long.

He isn’t too brave at first, not wanting to do anything that could compromise the careful progress of assimilating himself into your life, and just reaching out to blindly squeeze and grope at your tits and grind into your ass would definitely hinder his plan, despite how much he wants to.

He sticks mostly to small gestures, things that could be considered platonic should you mention something about it, but as time goes on he gets bolder, his hand resting on the small of your back sliding lower and lower, his eyes openly drifting below your collarbone, his tongue darting out and making a show of licking over his bottom lip.

Really, Shalnark just wants your attention, for the two of you to live in your own little bubble of a world, to be happy and together and completely in love, all with the added benefit of being flush against one another, feeling each other completely and not letting a single thing be hidden.

So when he’s calling you everyday, asking what you’re up to, showing up at your doorstep with takeout from your favorite restaurant, don’t be too surprised.

When you look to your side for a few seconds while you’re out and about, don’t question it when he physically moves so that he’s in your line of sight, that bright smile falling slightly as he grabs your shoulders and makes some kind of whiny joke about how you should be looking at me, dummy!

And don’t be shocked when his cold hand snakes under your shirt while you’re asleep, a soft moan tumbling from his lips as his eyes flutter closed when he rolls a nipple between his fingers, the softness of your skin leaving him smearing precum all along the inside of his boxers.

It’s all for you, the clinginess and neediness that he displays as time goes on, and while it’s a bit suffocating and strange, soon Shalnark is the only person you’re ever seeing. He's the only one you’re talking to and getting any response from, and you’ll be willing to sweep all of his questionable behavior under the rug, because he’s your friend, right?

And Shalnark couldn’t be happier – every moment spent with you is heaven, something he thrives on, and he’s absolutely sure that once he can drop all the platonic friend bullshit he’s luring you in with, you’ll be ever so happy to be giving him every ounce of yourself.

He's sure you'll eventually, at some point down the line, long to be touching him and loving him and kissing him like he’s the only person in your world – like he is your world.

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

Because of his clinginess and need for your attention to be on him and only him, Shalnark actually gets jealous often.

He’s constantly wanting you to be looking at him, thinking of him, talking to him, being around him, and the second that he sees you talking to another man, laughing and smiling at them like some whore, he’s angry, furious that you’re being so unfaithful, so clearly ungrateful for all the effort and love he’s constantly wanting to shower you in.

But still, if Shalnark is good at anything, it’s making sure to play situations perfectly, to make sure that he gets exactly what he wants out of others without doing any of the dirty work.

And so, as he clutches his red winged phone so tightly that his knuckles are turning white, he plasters on a wide, unnatural smile, mind racing as he thinks over his plan, already deciding exactly how to make sure that that piece of shit chatting you up, eyeing your curves and giving you a smirk that makes his skin crawl gets what he really deserves.

And of course, there’s also the added mission of teaching you a lesson. He'll make sure you understand that Shalnark himself is the only man you’ll ever truly need, the only one who can be exactly what you want, what you crave.

And so, while he’s beyond angry, stifling rage running through his veins, he’s forcing himself to breath, to squeeze his eyes closed and remember to breathe, think, she has no choice but to love you and only you.

He prefers methods of dealing with rivals where he’s more behind the scenes, and it’s in these moments that his nen type really, really shows – manipulating is how he’s managed to keep you interested in him thus far, to worm his way into your life, and it’s how he’ll keep you wanting him, becoming solely dependent on him like the good little girlfriend you should be.

It’s not wrong, of course not – manipulating you may be an unfortunate setback that Shalnark doesn’t particularly enjoy, but it's necessary.

Anything is necessary if it helps get you realize that you really have no choice in all of this, that your future has already been decided and not a single word or other man will change it.

Your laughter, while normally something that makes the blond’s heart skip a beat, does absolutely nothing but make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, rage seeping through every pore as he keeps his cheerful smile.

The muscles in his biceps bulge almost painfully the longer he watches the man next to you joke around, making flirtatious comments that have Shalnark’s eye twitching, resentment and displeasure that it’s not him making you flustered, making you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and look shyly to the ground hitting him in waves.

He’s pissed, but as his hand clench into fists, squeezing so tightly that the crescent shape of his nails draws small drops of blood, a small giggle leaves his lips, eyes lighting up as the perfect plan formulates in his mind.

Sure, you may think this guy is oh so sweet, a caring and perfect match for you, and the blond will let you continue on in your delusions for now.

It drives him crazy to see you wistfully humming to yourself and smiling at your reflection in the mirror later that night as you replay the fact that you got the mystery man’s number, and he was even taking you out the next night for dinner!

It makes his chest ache, his jaw hurt from how hard he’s clenching his teeth, but as he follows the tracker on his phone attached to the disgusting man’s hip, he can’t help the giddy excitement from erupting in his heart.

It’s easy to corner him – not surprisingly – and as he sticks the bat shaped needle into the man’s neck with no small amount of gentleness, he can only smile happily at the addition of a new playtoy, one with a very special mission in mind.

It’s torture waiting, but it's easy getting the man to send a quick text saying how he wants to move the date to his place, seeing as his roommate will be gone for the night.

Your response of oh, sure :) simultaneously irritates him and makes him sigh at how cute you are, how adorable and innocent and so easily playing right into his hands.

You look beautiful when you arrive at the man’s door – all dolled up and so fucking pretty, and for a moment Shalnark’s resolve falters, the desire to just whisk you away and kiss you, hold you, touch you hitting him square in the chest.

But he fights it back, having the man call out a rather loud ‘come in’ from behind the door, to which you hesitantly do so. And when you walk inside and see the events transpiring, Shalnark feels a strong twinge of satisfaction at the look of shock and hurt on your face.

The man you’d been planning on sharing a lovely evening with is balls deep inside another woman, grunting and groaning and talking about how beautiful she is.

You drop your purse, jaw hanging open as tears threaten to spill, all the while Shalnark is rapid fire typing in instructions, making the man turn to you and ask if you think she’s pretty too, if you really seriously thought that someone like you could ever land someone like him.

Soon your lower lip is wobbling, eyes puffy as you turn around and slam the door, humiliation and hurt washing over you in cold waves.

And when you return home, curling up on your bed and crying because god, how could you be stupid enough to think that someone that attractive would ever want you, Shalnark – ever the caring friend – will be knocking at your door.

His arms are stuffed with a collection of your favorite snacks and comfort foods, smiling brightly and asking you if you’d like to have dinner together. And when you answer in tears, trying to fight back your sobs and insecurities, immediately he’s jumping in – letting you vent to him as if he wasn’t already aware of the pain you’re undergoing.

He's holding you to his chest and soothing you, telling you how great you are, how the other man is blind for not seeing how much of a catch you are. He doesn’t love playing the shoulder for you to cry on, but it’s so worth it when you look up at him through teary eyes, sniffling and murmuring a small thank you Shalnark, I don’t know what I’d do without you.

He’ll just laugh, ruffling your hair slightly, ignoring the way his heart is practically in his throat because fuck you smell so good and Jesus he wants to kiss you so damn much, but he can't -

No, not when he’s slowly building his web of lies, forcing you to become more and more dependent, because isn’t he the only one who’s there when you need someone most, the only one who listens to your problems and helps you out no matter what?

He’s making sure that he’s always magically there to pick up the pieces of your heart – that he had, technically, broken, though not directly.

Eventually you’ll notice, realizing that maybe he’s the one you should start caring for, that you should just give up on other men and love Shalnark, the only who really seems invested in you.

The blond couldn’t be happier – the only thing better than your blind devotion to him is having you willingly do so.

TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:

For the most part, Shalnark is relatively patient when it comes to you.

You’re the object of his obsession, the thing he spends hours upon hours upon hours watching and studying, thinking of and dreaming about, and because of this he doesn’t mind putting in the effort to wait to steal you away until the perfect time, until you’re really ready to be completely aware of how truly under his control you are.

Besides, you’re incredibly fun to watch – every move you make is fascinating to him, your very existence something he could observe happily for the rest of his life.

Shalnark, at his roots, does desire a ‘normal’ relationship with you – he wants you to genuinely like him, to love him and want him, just as he does you, and while the urge to just sweep you into his arms, lock you up in his home and throw away the key is beyond tempting at times, he holds back.

He wants you to come to him, to be so dependent on him that the desire to leave, to be in the real, big scary world completely leaves you. And so, he waits and manipulates from the shadows, turning every friend, acquaintance and neighbor against you, until he’s all you have left.

And yet, in the back of his mind, Shalnark is aware that no matter how much he lies and cheats, how many fallacies he provides you with, you’re still smart – he knows you’ll eventually figure out who he really is, discover that he’s murdered hundreds, stolen countless priceless valuables, and he isn’t completely confident that you’ll still willingly come to him after that, something he absolutely cannot stand.

So while he holds on, he’s still preparing his home for your eventual arrival, be it forced or voluntary.

It’s not a big surprise to him when he hears your footsteps outside the doorway of your bathroom, your melodic voice asking him if everything is ok? You’ve been in there for a while, Shal…

But Chrollo can’t be ignored, and so when you carefully twist open the knob and walk in as the blond says something about how he’s planning on killing at least the twenty he was assigned for the next job, you freeze.

His green eyes meet yours, seeing your frightened expression darting all over him, and with a sigh he realizes that the blood from his most recent kill is splattered along the lavender of his outfit, the target putting up much more of a fight than he intended.

You’re frozen, and as Chrollo gives him an order and hangs up, the blond can only slump his shoulders and sigh, looking up at you with a lopsided smile as he says how unfortunate this is, because now I don’t have a choice, I’ve gotta take you away. Man, you really picked a bad time to check up on me! I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to do this. Well, let’s not waste any more time; I’ll see you in a few hours, sleep tight princess!

He’s quickly knocking you unconscious, cradling you against his chest and inhaling deeply, eyes fluttering closed as your scent engulfs him, before making his way to the home you’ll be staying in, the home fully furnished and ready for you.

As a captor, Shalnark isn’t too terrible – because he does genuinely want you to return his feelings, he isn’t as cold and sadistic as some of his companions and coworkers.

However, this by no means that you’ll have an easy time as his darling.

His habits of craving your attention, needing you to be looking at him and giving him the love and validation he craves doesn’t dissipate by any means. If anything, it only grows stronger because now he doesn’t have a screen separating you, layers of technology he’s forced to watch you through.

There’s no layer of decency he has to keep up, the air of simple friendship falling away once he gets you in his arms, snuggled up into his chest while he happily snoozes away.

No, now your relationship can grow and bloom in person, and so the touching begins – there’s absolutely no reason he can see why he shouldn’t be hugging you, snuggling you up in his arms as you fall asleep together on your shared bed, wandering hands all over your body while he tells you you’re cute as a button! How can I not touch you when you’re so adorable?

He’s handsy to an extreme – you won't get a moment of peace away from his strong fingers, his muscular arms that have so much more strength than they seem.

He’s insistent that you give him the affection and attention he wants, and while he’s moderately patient with you, he won’t tolerate you denying him of simple human touch for long.

No, Shalnark will be holding you, kissing you and intertwining your fingers, stripping you naked and stuffing you full of his cock while he moans your name and holds your hand.

(He’s needy, in all honesty, in a way that would almost be cute if he wasn’t a murderer, if he hadn’t stalked and kidnapped you, if only because the desperation for your attention is weirdly flattering.)

You won’t have a moment alone under his rule, and even if you think you do, you really, really don’t – just because you’re stuck under the same roof as him doesn’t mean that he calms down his habits of recording you, of keeping cameras poised in every corner of every room so that he misses absolutely nothing.

Except this time Shalnark makes no effort whatsoever to hide them – the black, almost oversized surveillance cameras are aimed right at you, the blinking red light mocking you from the corner of your eye as you try to sleep, as you try to entertain yourself with the few books he’s let you have, as you slip off the giant t-shirt (his t-shirt) to step into the shower.

He’s always watching, always wanting to keep tabs on you, so really it’s your choice whether you want him to be looking through a screen or in person – both are terrible options, but it really comes down to you and your acceptance of his overbearing, clingy touchiness and neediness.

Can you handle him talking your ear off for hours on end, holding you flush against his chest while he shivers and murmurs how good you smell, claiming it’s even better when you’re asleep?

The only saving grace when it comes to the blond is that he understands that technology is something most people have a dependence on, and he doesn’t really mind letting you have access.

He’ll give you a small, basic and outdated cell phone, with so many child locks and codes protecting you from anything that could be used to contact the outside that it would be pointless for you to even try and disable them.

However, he makes sure that the news feed is constant, though a bit warped – he wants you to know what’s going on, how life outside is terrible, how if you go out there you’ll only get killed or lose your home and job or raped or any number of horrible things, so why don’t you just stay with him?

He sifts through and only allows the most depressing, most disturbing of stories to reach you, and when you eventually get tired of hearing about a string of murders around the city lately, Shalnark is waiting with wide open arms for you to come cuddle, to come chat and ‘bond’, as he says.

And really, as time goes on you’ll stop caring.

You’ll stop trying to leave, to run away, to hurt or kill your captor.

You’ll give up, and Shalnark couldn’t be happier – he’s ready to have you, all of you, and your obedience and blind devotion to him is just another piece of the puzzle, one he desperately wants to finish.

PUNISHMENTS:

In general, Shalnark is actually quite lenient with you; he’s by no means a tame yandere, but generally he isn’t racing to punish you, to come down on you with an iron fist and make you cry and beg for mercy.

He wants you to like him, and while he knows that manipulating someone isn’t healthy, Shalnark couldn’t care less – everything he does to you is unhealthy, what’s another thing added on?

It takes a fair amount for him to get mad, and for the most part you won’t even really know that he’s angry; his happy go lucky demeanor doesn’t really go away, that smile dripped in venom no matter what’s going on, what he’s talking about or what you’re doing.

You’ll end up having to walk around eggshells around him, constantly questioning whether you’ve fucked up and said something you shouldn’t have, of whether the particular smile he’s giving you is more tight than usual, if his voice seems higher.

It’s all one big guessing game, which is exactly what Shalnark wants – he wants you to be on the edge of your seat, to be constantly wondering what he’s thinking, how he’s feeling, him him him.

He’s in your relationship for the long haul; you might be afraid of him still, nervous that he’ll snap at any given moment, and while he doesn’t like that you’re still so stiff and unresponsive to his attempts at cuddling, at fucking you to make you feel good too, Shalnark knows it’s only a matter of time.

He generally uses fear tactics to keep you in line, most notably the constant underlying threat that he’s always watching, that there’s nothing you can do that he doesn’t see, no moment you have where you’re truly alone.

And while it isn’t something particularly frightening, it will fuck with your head – knowing there’s always a presence hovering over you, weighing down your every move, not letting you have an ounce of privacy would be enough to scramble anyone’s mind, to make anyone go mad and crazy and maybe even fall in love with their captor?

Fear is his go to method, and Shalnark is nothing if not resourceful when it comes to dealing with your misbehavior.

That being said, Shalnark actually doesn’t get angry at you too often.

Rather, he’s entertained by your attempts to defy him, your efforts to leave the prison he’s trapped you in, even knowing all of the safeguards he has up to make sure you do exactly the opposite.

It’s cute, really, how you keep trying and trying and trying, even when he reminds you time and again that he can see every little thing you do. It’s endearing, but Shalnark knows that cutting it off is the best course of action, no matter how entertaining it is to watch you try.

And so, when the subtle reminders of don’t you see the camera, angel? That’s really funny that you think I’m not seeing you try and pick the door lock with that bobby pin you found! don’t work anymore, Shalnark turns to a solution that’s a much different approach, and one that’ll likely get you stopping any sort of rebellious behavior for good.

That is, when you bash your fist against the bulletproof glass window again and again until you’re bleeding and bruised, Shalnark can only tut-tut, sighing heavily and wrapping your wounds with bandages borrowed from Machi.

I know you were trying to escape, babe. I love you, but the next time you try anything like that again you get to choose which family member dies.

His voice is still light and fluffy as he says those words that have you freezing, anger, frustration and terror lacing through you while he does little more than stick out his tongue in concentration as he works to perfectly arrange the bandages.

You know he isn’t joking – he’s a mass murderer, a sick son of a bitch that has no qualms keeping you against your will, making you cry, so why wouldn’t he kill your loved ones as well?

Your behavior is much better for a while after that, something that pleases Shalnark greatly – you’re much more receptive to his affection than previously, much more willing to tell him you love him, to sit patiently as you wait for him to return from troupe work, to obediently open your mouth and let him fuck your tight little throat without so much as a struggle.

You both know it’s out of fear, but Shalnark has to admit that he likes it – though he’s sure your honest love -based devotion would be better, but he’ll take what he can get.

However, he knows that just keeping you in line on threats alone isn’t enough; which is why he slips Feitan the few thousand Jennys and an address, telling him to take the ring finger along with the ring, but don’t kill them! Feel free to get it as bloody as you want though – the flashier the better!

And when he returns home from a troupe meeting the next day with a pretty little box wrapped in red wrapping paper with a white bow, you’ll be left wondering what in the hell it could be as he eagerly pleads with you to open it! It’s just for you angel, I can’t wait to see what you think!

You weren’t sure what you were expecting, in all honesty, but as you lift the top up and come face to face with the severed finger of your mother, her wedding ring familiar to you sitting right over the bloody, jagged numb with bone sticking out, you can’t hold back the vomit climbing up your throat.

You’re sick for a good twenty minutes, hurling until nothing comes up right there on the wooden floors, Shalnark holding your hair back for you and cooing while he rubs your back.

Tears spill down your cheeks, the smell of death and puke swirling through your nostrils while he wipes at your eyes, smiling with his eyes closed, the picture of unbothered happiness.

Don’t worry, she’s not dead! But she will be, unless you keep up the good behavior you’ve had lately. This is just a little incentive to make sure that you stay in line, yeah?

You cry that night, curled up in a fetal position with your eyes stinging and throat hoarse, but it doesn’t stop Shalnark from spooning you, from rutting his hips against your ass and whispering in your ear that he wants you, now strip and show me how good you’re willing to be.

You’ll hate it, hate him, but for the sake of your family you’ll play the part of a good girlfriend, his doting lover.

Eventually, he’ll have you so screwed up, so fucked up and unsure of what’s real and what’s not that you won’t even be pretending anymore.

And Shalnark can’t wait for that day.

OVERALL DANGER:

9/10

While he won’t ever physically harm you, Shalnark checks off a whole myriad of boxes on the checklist of terrible people to be obsessed with you.

He’s clingy, always needing your attention and not giving you a moment of peace away from his wandering hands and oh so sweet voice, not taking no for an answer as he pulls your body closer.

He's sighing in your ear and chirping on and on about this new heist the troupe is doing, how he’s promising to get you this pretty ring he knows is being sold.

He’s watching your every move; cameras placed in every square inch of both your real home and the place he decides will be your shared home, all of them focused in and zoomed onto your every movement, almost as if they can pick up every thought that passes through your mind too.

Shalnark has absolutely no qualms threatening family members, slowly but surely molding you into the perfect partner for him through fear and intimidation and just honest to god wearing you down.

He’s methodical, almost scarily so, and the truth of the matter is that you’re never escaping him.

It’s almost impossible with the sheer number of cameras and trackers placed around and on you, but even if you do somehow manage to?

Well, Shalnark loves challenges, and when he eventually drags you kicking and screaming back to your ‘home’, be prepared to find the severed head of your sibling wrapped in a present box with a little tag saying for my naughty girl and a night of long, painful, rough fucking that’ll leave you sore for days.

He’s obsessed, and lucky, lucky you gets to deal with being the focus of every ounce of his attention, devotion and entertainment; good fucking luck, you’ll need it.

#_shalnark #_lee's profiles #yandere hxh #hxh x reader #yandere shalnark

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palant1r · 1 year

Note

Please give me your task force headcanons. This is a stick em up.

ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT IM HANDING EM OVER!!! i'll limit myself to three headcanons for each member otherwise we'll be here all day.

Aizawa: -Divorced his wife at some point during the timeskip. This was good for him because his wife is canonically physically abusive — but Light absolutely used that to spur on the separation, having learned his lesson from Naomi and wanting to tie up loose ends since he planned to kill Aizawa at some point -Was a police detective prior to joining the NPA. Was in the same precinct as Ide and somewhat of a mentor to him -Unwinds by going to karaoke bars with total strangers. The others never find out about this

Ide: -The second most sympathetic to Kira out of the task force, just doesn't show it. He sees what Kira is trying to do, and doesn't really oppose it on coherent moral grounds, it's just not the kind of world he wants to live in, and he knows there's no place for him in it. He's a very practical person. -Aroace and doesn't realize it, so he's just continually baffled by romance. But he's still able to pick up on the romantic feelings of others, like he does in chapter 108. -Gets roped into watching soap operas with Matsuda

Mogi: -Gay. Him and Matsuda have run into each other at a gay bar and not acknowledged it -Oldest of a pretty large family, and learned to cook dinner for his siblings while his parents were out working late. Went all-out cooking for Misa because he hadn't had time to cook for a while thanks to the Kira investigation. -After pretending to be Misa's manager for a while, he ended up running into some of the people he'd met there, and they insisted on inviting him to a networking event. He excused himself to the bathroom and then climbed out of a window.

Matsuda: -Was on a riot unit before joining the NPA. The only member of the task force who has actually killed someone in the line of duty. -Has a small scar on his cheek from the raid explosion. Along with Aizawa, also has burn scars on his arms and chest. -Hums at his desk sometimes without realizing it, and is thus singlehandedly responsible for almost every song that gets stuck in the others' heads

Soichiro: -Initially tried to discourage Light from being a cop, but gave up upon seeing how determined Light was to follow in his father's footsteps -Before the fake execution, double and triple checked the gun to make sure the bullets were actually blanks (psa that's still extremely dangerous, never EVER fire blanks at someone, but i'm just gonna assume things are different in the death note universe to explain why light didnt straight up fucking die) -After seeing L tie a cherry stem in a knot with his tongue, tried to do it himself but to no avail.

Light: -His mom buys almost all his clothes -Tends to forget to eat. Misa and Matsuda are constantly reminding him to do so, which irks him. He never used to have problems with meals, but after the 50 days confinement, he started to have trouble with keeping track of them. He refuses to even entertain the possibility that this confinement could have traumatized him in any way -Likes his coffee sweet, but drinks it black out of spite towards L

#death note

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sovereign-skyy · 10 months

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sigh

I don't want to do this, but unfortunately, someone has to.

As most of you probably know, "I can't believe it's not girl cum" made a statement three days ago addressing their unethical means of acquiring their plant-based substitute. I have linked it below for anyone who wants to read along, but I will be providing excerpts where relevant.

There's a lot to unpack here, so let's start at the beginning:

In my previous post addressing ICBINGC and their malpractice of safety an ethics, I accused them of not paying their workers (the Puella Toxicodendron Radicans, poison ivy girls). In response they said:

WHICH IS CRAZY!! YOU'RE FORCING THESE GIRLS INTO A FINANCIAL SYSTEM COMPLETELY MONOPOLIZED BY YOURSELF JUST BECAUSE 'THEY COULD GET SCAMMED'?! IF THEY ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO DECIDE THAT FOR THEMSELVES, THEY SHOULDN'T BE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!

So a failure on addressing the unpaid accusations. Not as bad as I thought it was, but still highly unethical! They have created their own autocratic society and are keeping these girls locked up for their own profit!

The rest of the statement consists of two parts:

Distracting from the issue at hand by invoking charity

Distracting from the issue at hand by trying (and failing) to bring down other alternatives

Firstly, they try to distract by bragging about a charitable donation of one million dollars to stop the extinction of the Puella Toxicodendron Radicans. Now, I would find this an admirable use of money for most, but for a company that is ACTIVELY EXPLOITING AND ABUSING THE SAME SPECIES it feels a bit hollow.

Secondly, they point out the 'dangers' of crowd sourced alternatives. They mention two things:

First of all, yes they do verify the non toxicity of the girlcum, otherwise they wouldn't be allowed to sell it! Also, cum purity is a highly misogynistic concept that we could all do without:

SOME GIRLCUM IS GOING TO BE THICKER THAN OTHERS

THAT'S THE NATURE OF GIRLDICKS, NOT ALL OF THEM ARE THE SAME

SOME LITERALLY HAVE DIFFERENT CLASSIFICATIONS OF THICKNESS AND YOU CAN CHOOSE WHICH ONE YOU WANT

'no purity control' my ASS.

SECOND OF ALL, no they aren't liable for any injuries caused by their girlcum, but any STD-related substances and allergens are systematically removed from it, so you gotta try REALLY hard to actually get hurt by this stuff. Yes choking hazard bla bla bla but at that point it's your own fucking fault. FURTHERMORE, Cum Together! (which is the most reputable source of crowdsourced girlcum and the one I will use as metric) has published a guide to safe consumption of their product here:

Their statement doesn't mention other conventional sources of girlcum so I won't touch on it either, it is not relevant to the conversation at the moment, even with the recent girlcum factory explosion (you can read about that here).

I'm not even going to start about the flavors, I hate the flavors it's trying to sanitize sex and I despise it.

AND THROUGH ALL OF THIS, THEY MANAGE NOT TO ADDRESS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART: THE FACT THAT THEIR PRODUCT IS HIGHLY TOXIC AND WILL KILL EVERYONE WHO USES IT REGULARLY WITHIN A FEW YEARS

DON'T USE THIS STUFF!

Anyway, that's your girlcum PSA for today. I hope it helps and PLEASE DON'T SUPPORT I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT GIRLCUM!

tl;dr: ICBINGC is an autocratic regime for plantgirls that still kills people and they're pieces of shit, use Cum Together! instead

#unreality #girlcum world #nsft #girlcum psa #I can't believe it's not shut down already #wow this was longer than I expected

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prototypesteve · 6 months

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Lifeline.

“And remember, if this happens, it’s not your fault!”

These nine words saved my life when I was a teenager.

⚠️Content warning: sexual assault. I won’t name it past this point, and won’t describe it, either.⚠️

Those words were near the end of a PSA in a comic book, explaining what to do if you or someone you knew was being abused.

When I saw the full-page public service announcement, I was 16, and I had already been carrying the doubt, fear, and self-blame for something horrible that someone had done to me when I was 14 (in 1985). The person who did it said it was my fault because I was “acting gay” ever since I was 12.

I didn’t understand what I’d done. I wasn’t acting like anything, in any kind of a gay or straight way. I didn’t know why I was what my parents called a “late bloomer” but I knew I wasn’t putting out any kind of signals. Or was I? Ugh. What if I didn’t know enough about “signals” to know what kinds I was putting out there? (This was the mid-1980s, years before I could have learned about asexuality.)

And these kinds of questions went on and on. Every day. For over two years.

And then I saw the Spider-Man Power Pack PSA, in an old comic, and it felt great to know there were adults out there who hated what had happened to me.

But I also felt lost, because I didn’t feel like I could talk to an adult about what happened to me. I didn’t know how to explain it. I didn’t even know which adult I could talk to. Would they think I made it up, to explain my bad grades? (ADHD was killing my grades.) Would they think I was just trying to get attention because I was the invisible kid?

But there, at the bottom of the page was a lifeline: “And remember, if this happens, it’s not your fault!”

It’s not your fault that you were different.

It’s not your fault that your difference made you a target.

It’s not your fault that you couldn’t stop them.

It’s not your fault that you didn’t know how to tell anyone after.

It’s not your fault that you’re feeling this way.

And you don’t have to do whatever it is you think will make the pain go away.

Because it’s not your fault.

So I kept going.

Eventually (2015) I learned the words to bring to people who could help me, and I got the help I’d needed all along.

So, here we are at the bottom of another page. And maybe you’re like I was, back then, and everything is still horrible, and scary, and confusing and too much, and you just need to know this:

“And remember, if this happens, it’s not your fault!”

We all love you. You deserve joy.

#aroace #asexuality #asexual #tw abuse mention #tw sui ideation

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katarh-mest · 4 months

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alcohol PSA for writers

If your characters are drinking alcohol, but you yourself have never had any alcohol, it can be very VERY obvious if you have them get drunk within the first few sips of a strong drink.

Continue below if you want some education from a professional lush.

Alcohol actually takes some time to absorb in the bloodstream and start impacting behavior. It's why it is such a dangerous drug, and SO easy to abuse.

At a minimum, most people take at least 10 minutes before they start to get it circulating through the blood stream. That's on an empty stomach. You might have other effects besides the ethanol poisoning - strong liquor can make someone cough if they're not expecting it - but the euphoria and lowered inhibitions don't kick in for quite a while if you are drinking lower ABV stuff.

Most liquor is not drunk straight. Exceptions are things like whiskey and fortified wines like cognac. Mix the drinks with something non alcoholic, usually cut with sugar. Your characters are not going to down straight vodka (unless it's Mao Mao... then she totally would.)

Beer, wine, and ciders range in ABV from 3% (weaker beers) to 15% (stronger wines) compared to liquors which start at 20% ABV for the most part. The whiskey I drink straight is 35% ABV... and I drink it very slowly, very carefully, about 10 drams at a time (roughly 1.5 oz or so.) That is, one "standard" drink.

Other standard drinks: One 5% beer (12 oz can or bottle), one 5 oz pour of 15% wine, and 1.5-2 oz of a liquor that is 35%-40% (80 proof), vs a 0.75-1 oz pour of a 150 proof liquor. Proof maxes out at 190 and that's Everclear, aka 95% pure ethanol. 100 proof is 50% alcohol and you'll find that in things like vodka, gin, and tequila. These DO have flavors! But the flavors are buried underneath the ethanol, and need to be thinned out to be tasted, so they're almost always cut with something else to make the alcohol not be unpalatable.

If I'm drinking, here's about the levels of alcohol and how they affect me (I'm a 44 year old woman that has fairly high tolerance. Use this guide as a metric for your characters who can handle their liquor. Move everyone down a level if they are "lightweights" or have never had alcohol at all.)

1 standard drink makes me happy and pleasant, fun and giggly. I can still think, I can still drive as long as I've had something to eat and waited 30-45 minutes, and I get some of my best house cleaning done in this state

2 standard drinks make me slightly buzzed and approaching unsafe to drive (I hand over my keys at this point to the DD). Still fun and giggly, but also starting to lose my inhibitions. More likely to break something while cleaning.

3 standard drinks start to impair my ability to speak with my normal levels of clarity and articulation. I am not yet slurring my words, but my brain's CPU is now overheating.

4 standard drinks takes me out of the happy space and starts to make me sick. Its no longer fun. I cannot stand up straight. This is binge drinking.

5 standard drinks is going to have me vomiting if I drunk them too fast. I've got high tolerance so if I ate food I'll be okay, but if I don't drink enough water, I'll be hung over the next day.

If I'm beyond this, I'm probably passed out someplace. All but once that 1 time has been at home (that time I woke up on the couch of the fraternity whose party I was at. I was okay. I was lucky. Thank you, Alpha Kappa Psi bros, for putting me on the couch and giving me a glass of water. You were the MVPs.)

Alcohol is a poison. It is a poison. It's a delicious poison, and humans have the ability to process it, but it's still something that will make you very sick or kill you if you go too fast.

BONUS: High tolerance, low tolerance, and a tendency to alcoholism are all somewhat genetic. Our bodies need two enzymes to process alcohol, and if one processes fast and the other processes slow, the result is that some people "handle their liquor" naturally well, and others are going to be "lightweights" no matter how much they practice. Some folks actually get 0 of the happy euphoria from alcohol and go straight into the poison symptoms (this is known as "Asian Flush Syndrome" but it can impact people from any part of the world.) These folks will get sick from a single "standard" drink - but they are unlikely to ever get drunk, because they'll get sick long before they drink enough alcohol to reach that point. They make some of the best DDs out there, though, so if you know someone who experiences it, make them your best friend, offer to buy their coca colas and bar snacks, and hand them the keys after you have had drink #2.

#alcohol #writing #psa #alcohol PSA #tips for writers #I stop at 1 unless I'm at home or have a designated driver #I wrote this while I was drunk and came back and edited it 3 hours later btw #anyway stop writing your light weights as getting pass out drunk after a single taste of 15% wine #that's not how this works

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0zymandias-king-0f-kings · 16 days

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Tw antis traumadumping, predators, sui, self harm mention

hey uh I keep seeing this post going around of some anti yelling about antis trauma dumping and saying it’s okay so uh I just thought I’d make a quick like psa about it. I’m gonna take this like fully seriously so I’m not gonna be like super snarky and stuff in this post I just think this is important.

If you go into people asks and say triggering shit or go and “explain your trauma” (traumadump) without consent, especially with the active intent to harm, you are an objectively bad person. This goes for both antis and Radqueer as I’m sure some Radqueers have done this or have thought of doing it too. If you do this, especially to a minor but also to adults, you are horrible human being and you should be ashamed. Like genuinely. It’s one thing if you make just a regular post about it, those can be blocked and ignored easily (tho you should tw them) much like the Radqueer posts that you guys are doing this over (tho I admit a lot of those should be tw’d), but doing it in asks is completely unavoidable the moment you open your asks it is stuck there until you can manage to click out. I understand that you are trying to make a point and show that these things that you feel are harmful are harmful but traumadumping or sending just generally triggering asks is not how you accomplish that.

sending asks like that is incredibly harmful and if you do it you are no better than the people you claim to be fighting against, the predators, the abusers, the racists whatever, you. Are. No. Better. End of story, doing a this does nothing but cause harm, it will not bring about the so called good you are hoping for. Keep in mind many Radqueers do have trauma and are very much triggered by this (even without trauma it can be triggering honestly) and many Radqueer are minors, some as young as 13. Let me say that again for those who may be skimming. AS YOUNG AS 13 YEARS OLD. Sending triggering content In a completely unavoidable way to someone especially young children is horrible, it does nothing but harm them, it can lead them to suicide or self harm or even create trauma that wasn’t there before. What it doesn’t do is help you convince people they are wrong. Antis, you are not bringing people to your side, you are not changing peoples minds, this is not how you make a point, this so not how you show someone they are wrong or bad. If you do this shit you are a bad person, you are no better then the people you claim to be fighting against. I know this is harsh but i think it’s important to hear.

A DEAD CHILD, A DEAD PERSON IN GENERAL, HELPS NO ONE.

all it does is hurt. You guys need to understand this before people’s blood are on your hands. There are Radqueers who also need to understand this i guarantee there are some of you who have done this type of stuff as retaliation or because you feel antis are horrible, if you do this you are as horrible as any anti who does it, you should be ashamed and I wholeheartedly want you out of this community.

I wholeheartedly disagree with what antis believe, I feel they misunderstand what being a Radqueer is and in that way spread hate however if preventing people from being harmed (physically or mentally) or even killed means giving antis advice on how to properly convince people so be it. If you want to convince people to come to your side of things you need to be calm and kind and genuinely explain why they are wrong, it will fail a lot of times but it will work sometimes, far more often than what you’ve been doing.

I implore other Radqueers who see this to reblog this post and share other ways to safely, consicely, and civil way. I know we don’t want them spreading but them spreading their ideology is far better than them hurting people. Antis, I know many Radqueers, myself included, have failed to be civil when engaging you in the past and I am sorry for that, both sides do need to work on how we handle this. In the end though we are all better than this harmful conduct, please all of you, Radqueer and anti, be better.

I am gonna crosstag this with antis and Radqueer because I feel it’s genuinely very important. I may honestly get termed for it and honestly if I do I think that’s a sign that reason has truly failed.

#pro radqueer #pro rq 🌈🍓#radqueer #radqueers please interact #rq safe #rq 🌈🍓#rqc🌈🍓#pro radq #transharm #Anti Radqueer #anti rq #anti rqc #Anti

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chvoswxtch · 1 year

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i'm on my second rewatch of daredevil & I just finished season 2 and i have a LOT of thots about elektra so i'm going to rant under the cut so here's your warning or psa if you haven't seen the show or are in the process of watching it i am mentioning spoilers so beware !!!

first things first i feel like i need to preface with the fact that i was OBSESSED with the 2003 daredevil movie like i rented it so many times at the video store the guy working there fucking gave it to me LMAO and i remember thinking jennifer garner in that movie was THE baddest bitch and I wanted to be her so bad

that being said i fucking LOVE elektra natchios and i was so fucking beyond excited the first time i watched the show and she showed up and i especially love elodie yung's version i thought she was absolutely perfect

here's what annoyed the shit out of me though: they set her up for failure; let's get into it

i feel like a lot of people don't like her for whatever reason and i feel like a lot of that has to do with her history with matt so let me just say i think her and matt were super toxic and did not belong together because they were constantly trying to change one another and yes she did a lot of shitty things to him but she was literally "hired" by stick to ruin matt's life so that matt would come back to stick and in the end she left because she realized matt was way too good and didn't belong around her OR more importantly around stick because he would never be like either of them

from the second they introduced her in the show, they are trying to make you not like her by making her seem like this selfish entitled person who goes around ruining lives for fun. i've also seen a lot of people blame her as the reason that matt & karen never worked out but like that is straight up matt's fault in my opinion ok homeboy did that to himself

as far as morality goes, i think a lot of people gloss over the fact that elektra was literally trained to be a killer since she was a child. she was a young girl that was taken from her family, essentially thrown into a cult that brainwashed her and filled her head with horror stories about a war that was coming she needed to be ready to fight at all costs

we all know stick was an emotionally & physically abusive piece of shit (we saw the way he treated them both) but i think everyone forgets he was way worse with elektra and way harder on her and i don't know if what happened with her is what made him approach training matt differently but he was undeniably easier on matt (matt was getting pushed down in a basement, elektra was getting the shit beat out of her by grown ass men)

elektra was trained and taught to be what she was and constantly had people like stick and the hand telling her who and what she was and making her feel like she was some kind of evil monster over something that was totally out of her control

i think the only good thing that came from her and matt's relationship is that he made her believe in herself and that she could be good because he saw it in her and helped her decide who she wanted to be instead of what she was told to be

i truly think more people would like her more if she were a male character because she has a lot of the same characteristics as matt (tragic backstory, sarcastic witty drama queen, charming & overconfident, anger & daddy issues, total badass, hot) and even frank (has no problem killing when they think it's justifiable, will do whatever necessary despite the moral consequences, looks good covered in blood) which is bullshit in my humble opinion

let women go feral!!! let them be messy!! let them deal with things humanly & realistically!!!

i personally love characters like elektra natchios and jessica jones because i can relate to them like i can feel their anger and their internal conflict of being who you want vs who everyone expects you to be and drinking in excess to cope instead of dealing with your problems and having a short fuse (especially with annoying ass men who think they know better than you) and just being tragic fucking human beings trying their goddamn best

this is also why i love karen page so much because she is deeply flawed and has a dark past and acts impulsively (literally taunted fisk about killing wesley because she knew he would emotionally react like what a bad bitch) and refuses to take anyone's shit and calls everyone out when it's needed and tries so hard to do the right thing hoping it'll heal her from her mistakes

like every single one of these characters has been through so much shit and SO MUCH trauma and i just don't think it's fair to praise and accept one group for how they handle it and demonize another for doing the literal exact same thing

there was a very interesting foil in season 2 with frank & elektra that doesn't get talked about enough like frank castle owned what he was and admitted to being a loose cannon that would never stop until he got his revenge and everyone ate that shit up but elektra struggles with what she's being told she is and fights against all odds to control something inside of her that can't really be controlled and people trash her and it annoys the fucking hell out of me because it all goes back to her relationship with matt

women can be their own characters, they don't need to be plot devices used for a man's character development

in conclusion, elektra natchios is that bitch and i adore her and would absolutely love to see her (& elodie <3) come back in a future marvel project but not if they're just going to waste her incredible storyline and potential as being matt's throwaway love interest again because she is so fucking much more than that and deserves so much more than that

if you've made it this far, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3

we stan elektra natchios in this household, and I will hear no slander

these are all my opinions & if you don't like/agree with them, that's totally fine but no need to be a dick about it :)

#i will defend elektra natchios until the day i die #like how can you not love her #she delivered some of the best lines in season 2 #no one can annoy matt like her except jessica and i love them both for it #i think more women should go feral #be unhinged #enter your “villain” era #be the bad bitch i know you are #i support you babygirl #i'm not even tagging matt bc babygirl this isn't about you <3 #elektra natchios #elodie yung #jessica jones #krysten ritter #karen page #deborah ann woll #daredevil season 2

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queen-paladin · 1 year

Text

A PSA regarding women writers and directors

(tw: mentions of internal misogony, domestic abuse, cheating, and suicide)

I hear all this stuff on Tiktok and on Instagram. All about the phrase "Written by a woman" in regard to men and cis-hetero relationships. Praising women for creating "soft" male love interests that check all the boxes. And for their treatment of female characters. Like the "Female Rage" trend where instead of an angry woman yelling and losing their cool, we only have a woman glaring directly into the camera. They list all these books and films written and directed by women noting this. Now, let's be clear- I am 100 percent for supporting female-created and controlled works

But

Can we stop pretending women writers and directors are perfect? That there aren't women who are internally misogynistic and problematic in various ways (Do I even need to mention Rowling. I mean, she's a woman after all too!)? And that for those women who are artists, that said internal misogyny doesn't show up in their works? And that they don't romanticize things that are really messed up, wrong, or even dangerous?

Take Colleen Hoover for example. She's huge on Tiktok and you will see her books promoted everywhere. You would think if you picked up one of her books that it would involve all the Romance Written By A Woman Goodness.

BUT

So many of her books romanticize abuse, toxic relationships, and cheating with her female protagonists easily forgiving the male love interests (ex. Verity and All Your Perfects) or excusing and not taking accountability for their actions (for ex. hitting on a guy when they 100% know he has a girlfriend, calling other women "sluts" which the heroine of Maybe Someday does).

Or in Erin Morgenstern's The Night Circus where it is implied that Isobel is a bad person for being upset about her boyfriend cheating on her for the female lead and being dumped for the Side Chick?

Or take Kiera Cass's The Selection. In the first book of the series, we have a female protagonist who looks down on other women for wearing super show-offy dresses that promote their cleavage in a beauty competition (Yup! We also get slut-shaming!) While said modest, plain dressing (she dresses plain because she is "not beautiful" and "not like other girls!") heroine gets praised and called beautiful and ultimately lands the prince for this.

And I cannot tell you how many times in historical fiction and even sometimes in fantasy written by women I read a protagonist who "wasn't like other girls" who shat on women for wearing corsets, being "ladies", liking sewing and dresses, actually wanting romance, etc. And the female characters who DO that stuff sometimes even get punished and criticized for it! (ex, Enola Holmes, A Court of Thorns and Roses, A Great And Terrible Beauty, and my favorite punching bag, The Essex Serpent. Shout out to the tv adaptation to have the Proper Lady Stella's one act of agency after being cheated on and getting terminally sick...is to KILL HERSELF) Like it was a bad thing for women of that time or even women today to enjoy traditionally feminine things or to want romance. (I could also get into historic accuracy, but that's a different can of worms. Watch Karolina Zebrowska's videos for more in-depth explanations like "How men taught us to hate corsets" and "busting historic myths on women").

(There is also the whole element of other factors like racism, ageism, transphobia, and homophobia, that we could get into, but let's not make this post long)

Just because it is written or directed by a woman doesn't make it default good and perfect. Women are people. So women can be flawed and make mistakes. And women can create stories that hold up patriarchal ideas and notions and that shows up in their writing. Women can romanticize shitty men. Women can tear down other women for doing something harmless.

Listen, if you enjoy these stories that don't make you a bad, problematic person. You can definitely read them, but keep an eye out and question things. Women can create problematic elements in their stories just as much as men do and we need to watch out for them and deconstruct and question these when we see them.

Ok, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

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specter-writes · 9 months

Note

Do you do yandere stuff? 👀 and if so could I request y!hunter general hcs or perhaps yandere alphabet

*gasp* a request!!! these are welcome and encouraged actually

so here have some y!hunter for youe trouble

Warning: possessive/obsessive/manipulative behavior, mentions of killing and blood, mentions of kidnapping, swearing

PSA: Hey dont be creepy don't stalk people and dont do crimes, even youre gay

~°~°~°~°~°~

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Good fucking luck, bestie. I hope you like being touched because if you don't you might have a rough time with this dude. He wants to always have a hand on you. 25 hours a day, 8 days a week. Usually it's wholesome and fluffy, but if he's feeling particularly jealous, have fun having your bones crushed in insanely tight hugs.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

He rather not kill anyone. Only as a last resort. He might do some light torture if they've done anything to particularly upset him though.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Why would he mock someone he loves? That doesn't make any sense. He took you to keep you safe, not to cause you harm! He practically worships the ground you walk on. I hope you're ready to be a God.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling's will?

Physical touch. Also, he likes to be in control specifically of what you wear. He's not too controlling in other aspects, he just loves the idea of dressing you up. He spent a while observing you while you were just friends though, so he'd like to think that he knows how to pick things you'd like.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He wears his heart on his sleeve and he hopes soon you'll do the same for him. He tells you things he doesn't think he's told anyone before. To some degree, it's to get you to feel bad for him, but for the most part, he just wants desperately to trust you and to be trusted.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He'd be really upset. Not necessarily at you, but sort of in a general sadness and frustration with circumstance kind of way. He wants to love you but you keep rejecting him.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

The safety of his loved ones is no game, thank you very much. In a sick, twisted way, he does derive a little enjoyment from knowing there's nothing you can do to get away from him. But mostly it makes him sad. Why would you want to escape? He's treated you so well!

Hell: What would be their darling's worst experience with them?

His favorite punishment is isolation, because he can't bare to bring physical harm to you. He kept you locked away for upwards of 3 weeks once, after you not only repeatedly rejected him, but also let out strings of verbal abuse and said, "I should have stayed with my ex.* To keep sane you eventually come crawling back to him.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He just wants to be domestic and intimate. Carve his palisiman and come home to his loving spouse who will support him. He really just wants your future to involve him.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He gets jealous very easily, but like I mentioned, would rather not kill anyone. He does cling onto you more and do the Arthur fist thing. He might break some sticks or something he gets back from wherever he was. After years of being the emotionless golden guard, he has figured out how to regulate himself. TL;DR: he's ODing on copium.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

He's desperate to be loved by people, but especially you. He'd do anything to get you to say you love him. And I do mean anything. He's gotten really good and enduring all kinds of abuse, and what's a little pain if he's also getting praised by someone as perfect as you? He's physically very clingy and affectionate. As long as you don't piss him off too badly, he's not very dangerous, only obsessive. He also loves to go on walks and sometimes he finds cool stuff on the ground and just brings it to you. He will be crushed if you do not accept his offering of the cool rock.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He met you back in his days with the emperors coven. As soon as he saw you, he knew he had to get your attention. So what did he have? He had status and authority. Would those things impress you? Or would you want something more down to earth? He couldn't tell. So, he needed to watch and wait, so he could know.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Not really. In fact, his shift from morally fine, albeit sort of weird crush, to insane obsession was so gradual and slow that no one noticed.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Isolation, as stated above.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

He's actually pretty lenient and relaxed. When you're first taken, you're not allowed outside without him, pretty standard for a yandere, but as you gain more trust and prove you won't leave him, he lets you go out alone more and more. The only thing he stays firm on is how he loves to dress you. He's passionate about fashion and passionate about you. The rush of dopamine he gets from seeing you in something he sewed is unmatched. He does still always keep tabs on you though.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Very much so. He understands it would be a rough transition period to say the least. You love him, he's sure, soon you'll realize. Until then, he's willing to wait.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

You're his everything. His world. He feels like less of a person without you. If you escaped or left some other way, he'd spend his whole life searching for you. If you died, he'd never get over it. He'd try to convince himself you're still out there. Maybe he'd even try to resurrect you. After all, it worked on him.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

He honestly sees it as a matter of safety. You're safer with him, and therefore better off. It was necessary, and he doesn't regret it.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Growing up around abuse/being abused definitely caused some issues that led to this. Identity issues and insecurities that come from being essentially a clone also play a huge role.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He despises it. He refuses to acknowledge that he could've caused this, and he just wraps you up in a tight hug and whispers sweet nothings to you about how it's alright and how he loves you.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

He's a lot more relaxed. He lets you do almost anything in an attempt to gain your favor, just as long as you don't leave.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

His need to be assured and loved by you. If you're the one enacted physical contact, he'll just melt. You tell him you love him while you cuddle on the couch? He doesn't care what you're asking for, if getting it can get him this, he will get it for you, no matter the cost. And God forbid you get him a cool rock back or infodump about your hobby or just flap your arms around in excitement. He understands that perfectly, he knows what that means and he will melt into a puddle on the floor.

Wit's end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Maybe, but you'd have to push him way past his breaking point. He's trying to make you like him, not afraid of him.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

I've basically answered this, but he is Obsessed with a capital O. He reveres you almost like a deity of some kind. He'd doing anything to please you.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

A year and a half. He's a patient guy, he wanted to have everything ready and perfect for you.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Not intentionally. The isolation might fuck with your mind though. He thinks dependency is a show of love and he wants as many shows of love as he can get. Your happiness is, however, important to him and he tries his hardest to be as gentle as humanly possible.

~°~°~°~°~°~

General Headcanons

-he definitely opts far away from physical abuse. He just thinks it's icky, people who love each other shouldn't hit each other, and obviously the two of you love each other.

-he's surprisingly supportive of your hobbies. While he loves and thrives on having your full attention, he also wants to be able to sit in silence and just relish in each other's presence while also doing something else.

-y!Hunter is especially obsessed with your hands. He loves them so much. They're beautiful to him. He wants to just hold them forever and ever.

-he really loves making you things and info-dumping about his special interests (right now it's wolves and color theory, weirdly enough)

-he is such attentive listener. Got a story? He wants all the details. Want to talk about the cool fun fact you learned the other day? He'll hang off every word. And god forbid you're into the same things as him. He will. talk and listen to you talk for hours and hours about it

-y'all know Eskimo kisses? He loves those so much. It feels so intimate to him. He just loves it.

#yandere toh x reader #toh hunter #toh x reader #specter speaks #the owl house

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