#Peek inside

[thementalshawty]

My New Beginning (My way out)

(Mentions of disabilities, mental, emotional, physical abuse, S*x abuse, bullying, self harm, suicidal ideation, Domestic violence, be wary before reading).

So where to begin……. This is about familial abuse, so this has been something happening my whole life!!! My “mother” is a narcissist. She bullied me and my sister our whole lives, I am the third of 5 kids, she would pit us against each other and watch us fight to laugh and make fun, most of my insecurities stem from her clowning me in front of my brothers, funny enough she is NEVER ALONE, my father he abused us including her but he left and I thought we were better off for it, I wasn’t wrong but little did I know the monsters she’d allow into our lives after, I was getting molested by older brother and my mothers boyfriend before I even got to elementary school, my brother started when I was insanely young, and I still protected him as I didn’t know what tf was happening, her boyfriend started when I was in 4th grade, he wasn’t a drunk or anything just a pedophile, she knew he was because he got caught cheating on her with teenage girls and yet she still kept him around for a decade so wherever we moved he was there and I started to become angry, rage grew inside my soul like a fire that had no intention of burning out, on top of that he was abusive hitting and bruising me and my siblings who all have disabilities, you know my sister as she’s a tarot reader on here so I’m not going into specifics about them, but she would sit and watch and do nothing, she would hide food with him, have us stand in the corner for hours on end while they are food in front of our faces “mmmm that’s good”. She even forced to drink her breast milk in front of him, she despised us having friends, soo when I would have a friend she wouldn’t let me see them or go out or we would move, I’ve never stayed more than 2-3 years in any place my whole entire fuccin life! I don’t know anything but toxicity when it came to relationships, I tried to kill myself multiple times but they failed so I decided to be a burner, I just burned myself, the fire it was the rage inside me felt outside, I decided to tell my mother about the molester from her boyfriend when I was 15, because I told someone in school he told me I had to tell her or he would so I wrote her a letter, he had a gun in the house and put it to his head and said he was going to kill himself (gaslighting), she kicked him out for a day, brought him back then told me that I had to share her with him, so at 15 and with her knowledge of him molesting me, we all moved to California, we drove there, and that was awful, we all fought and he screams how he didn’t care about what he did to me and he was laughing in front of her, i ended up just sweeping that under the rug because i went to focus on my career I had acting classes so my mind was focused but I met a guy from school and he automatically hated him (the boyfriend) he told my mother and automatically I was told to stay away from him, I didn’t I had got arrested the year before so I had community service and he was helping me with that, I told him what happened I thought we were meant to be but he cheated on me with his sister and I found myself in her another Jerry springer bind but I found that out months after we broke up, but he stood up for me and he was the only one on the outside that actually came and defended my honor as sick as he is I will give him credit for that. A year later we’re moving bacc to NYC, before we did though, they got Into a fight (my mother and the boyfriend), pretending to break up, he went to the gas station filled a gas canister wit gas came back to the front door and poured gasoline on himself, obviously not lighting himself on fire because it was an act, he went to jail a week or two later she invited him back into her life, I already knew that it was going to happen because the shit was predictable at that point, Skipping ahead to 17, we moved back to NYC, we came separately, I came on a plane with my mother and the rest of my siblings drove back with him, because obviously she trusted him with children why wouldn’t she? She already knew what he was capable of, she didn’t care 🤷🏽‍♀️, when we got back to NyC she

Promises me that he’s not coming back into our lives that it’s over this time, I told her he’s going to gaslight her she says not gonna work, fast forward to when they all made it to the apartment, she approached me with the sob story I said he would come in with so she said she is letting him stay, I was going to just walk away, but my sister told me that she fought with him on the drive here, she stood up for me, he yelled at my older brothers and her that he did What he did to me cos he truly wanted to and he’s unapologetic for it, the flame it was uncontrollable and I blacked out I went into the room and I kicked him out myself. He yelled bullshit but he left, she hated me for that, so she started to sneak him in secretly then they started hiding food again, leaving us to literally shake, starve and feel sick, we learned how to improvise with what little we had. I was going to school so I didn’t care, speaking of school I was supposed to be on my last year of school, and I couldn’t graduate because my principal explained because I moved so much my credits were all over the place, so she told me I had to repeat a year that was devasting to me because in California I only had a few credits before I could graduate, I got two jobs because I just wanted to save up money to leave, she told my grandma lies oh she has a whole bunch of recruits that she tells constant lies too about us and what we do never the truth because they already feel she’s sick but they do nothing about it, family tho right? My grandma called me and so again we told her the truth and she helped us kick him out for good, (so that’s the end of boyfriend 1…. For now) I was finally 18!! So again I have no friendships nothing ever stuck, but I had two jobs and I was saving up for an apartment, I shouldn’t have done this but I was so proud of myself! I told her (my mother) that I was going to move out, get my own apartment and live on my own, she didn’t like that, she was saying that it was disloyal and what was she going to do without me and she needed help because most of my siblings have a disability, so I stayed, I couldn’t be disloyal when she needed me, that was a big mistake. A year later we are moving BACC to California because she has found A NEW BOYFRIEND, some guy she met over the phone, guess who helped her move back to California though (boyfriend #1), my brother who molested me left to go into the army, don’t worry he’s not in it any longer dishonorable discharge (it was fitting). So anyways the new boyfriend was some white guy who I felt meant no harm the fuccin dude was quiet and softspoken so I paid it no mind, but I was wrong, he was a drunk, not only was a he a drunk, he was a RACIST DRUNK! Did she care???? NOOOOOOO! Everytime I tried to leave she stopped me, til we fought then she would say to leave knowing I had nowhere to go, if I had a friend to go too she would hate that friend, funny thing is most friends that want to take me away from this be friends she introduced me too, she wanted to be friends with them but they wanted to be my friend yes they are younger people, I don’t have those friends anymore because they were very similar to her go figure right ? I thought I should call the cops, call for help, but everyone I reached out too did nothing INCLUDING COPS! So I felt backed into a corner, well I had my sister my little sister my rock, funny fun fact though, her new boyfriend ALSO LIKES LITTLE GIRLS oh and BOYS! He got arrested and she stood up for him, while he was doing that in her home, she would run away and leave us all my siblings in the house with him drunk calling us the N word, kicking doors down and causing mess, I couldn’t leave my siblings who couldn’t understand what was happening behind all I knew is that they were scared and their mother wasn’t there all she did was make excuses for him she told me I should kill myself, that I was a cunt that didn’t deserve her name, ( I don’t have it, I have my dads last name), that I was going to be nothing more than a whore, by this time………………

She knows about what my brother did to me I didn’t mention that confession because she just skipped right over it. She literally didn’t care and she told me to my face she believed he was only playing with me and I am confusing it all and that I know nothing about it because it happened to her and she the only one who knows pain and my pain doesn’t matter she tried to assault me and again tried to tell family but she already took the narrative so they weren’t trying to hear me out or help, in august of this year, me and my sister left, we went to stay in a motel for a week or two, with the help of my booking agent we didn’t have enough money to stay and the homeless shelters were all full and we’re not answering back, so we had no choice but to go back, we are back and nothing even a week later back to the drunk racist, not eating, starving routine, I wanted to die and I felt like a failure! I couldn’t even get out of bed I felt like I deserved this I got my sister out to end up right back 2 WEEKS LATER?!?!! I fuccin hated myself! He was drunk and again causing ruckus, she came back a morning later and was telling him to leave, he was going to hit her, my brother (diagnosed with MR) was out there with my younger brother (autism) and they were scared and standing up for her and the boyfriend was in their faces what was I supposed to do???? Me and my sister tried to help and she tried to tell us to leave for helping her!!!!! Me and my sister decided to just call the police, they started to fight, and he tried to kill her, the police got him out, and they told her that she was lucky to have her kids here, we cleaned up her room after he broke her whole house apart, I mean EVERYTHING IS TORN APART RN!!!! she decided that she was going to move down to Texas with the molesting brother because he has kids, (oh yeah other fun fact she kept forcing me to have kids she even wanted me to give her my eggs so she can have kids with both of those boyfriends she approached me TWICE ABOUT IT, one she wanted my eggs and the other she wanted me to be pregnant for her!) So now my brother has kids she was like saying she knows I’ll never have kids and I’ll be forever alone, that no one will ever love me, anyways skipping to now my birthday came and left I’m 27 now! The housing program that me and my sister signed up for began to pend and we found a place! We didn’t tell her we found a place and that we were in a program we didn’t even tell her that we went down the city. We ended up getting a random woman come into the house and serve us she was evicting us (my mother) even on the eviction notice it says no fault just cause, she didn’t even tell me, so we have 60 days to leave and vacate her premises! Funny enough yesterday my sister got her APPROVAL NOTICE!!! Mine is still pending but I know that I’m getting approved and if all goes well we will be in our transitional home on SATURDAY! We finally did it, dug our way out, I didn’t think that I could and that I would, I would’ve been opened up to someone if I didn’t believe that it was against the family or that no one would love me like she did, she painted the world as such a unloving place and that this toxicity was normal and for the longest I believed it, but I am waking up now! And I am looking forward to beginning my life AWAY FROM HER! Just me and my rock @silvershiningtarot I AM NOT ASHAMED OF MY STORY, I’m only ashamed I kept quiet for so long, I allowed them to get away with everything and they took control of the narrative but I’m taking my power back! This is the first chapter of my success story! I’m not looking for claps or sympathy or for yky to actually care or anything I just wanted to put my story out there because this shit shouldn’t be in the dark anymore, mothers can be demons, family can be a dark and scary word for people and they’re not family, only relation! And I wanted to make that clear! RELATION DOESN’T MEAN FAMILY

I feel more familial love from you guys on here than I ever did anywhere! My music gave me hope and tarot gave me community

You deserve to know your reader through and through!

Thank you!!! For listening and taking the time for hearing this sad ass story, I hope I didn’t drag your day down! 💋

#my success story #successmindset #new chapter #new beginnings #tarot reading #tarot #tarot community #tarotblr #psychic #opening up #peek inside #vulnerability #personal rant #rant post #emotional rant #narcissistic abuse #abuse survivor #abuse survivors #normalize this #raw truth #my truth #child abuse #tarot saved me #music saved my life #healing

[papersquirrels]

#Birthday #Peek inside #Stickers #Pattern paper

[bizarrelittlemew]

sunshine 🥹

#and cleavage #if anyone needs me i will be living inside that little space at the bottom of his neckline where you can peek in #ofmd #ofmd s2 #our flag means death #ofmdedit #ofmdsource #ofmd gifs #ida.stuff #stede bonnet #ofmd 2x7

[sillyfairygarden]

90 minute leyendecker study b4 bed. heard cleo has a cat cafe this season :swoons:

#thellos art corner #zombiecleo fanart #hermitcraft #hermitblr #mcyt fanart #mcyt #ok time for a peek inside my skull: i really contemplated not posting this. not for any reasons of disliking it #im pretty conscious about how fat people are characterized/portrayed around food in media. both in fan works and canonized material #(flashbacks to hunk from voltron) i really think about ways to defy the way fat bodies are portrayed in my works. while also staying normal #i think at the end of the day i really see food as a love language. and serving people i love (even if its just coffee) brings me joy #even if theres a one-dimensional box that fat characters get put into regarding food. it makes me happy! so i'll try to do it with grace #i think representation isnt always this mentally twisting lol. but its definitely something i think about. #i hope i can positively project my feelings about food and love onto a plus size body (as a chubby girl :handheart:) and showcase that love #ok yeah yeah its 11pm. time to put meemaw in bed. if you read all this ur rad <3 also i stopped watching HC peeposad

[horsemeatluvr23]

grians inventory management + ender chest contents make me feel ill

#this is a peek inside the mind of an unwell man #genuinely what . is wrong with him #his hotbar??? #he's sick in the head #how does he live like this #we've all been making fun of his chest monsters for years but i actually think that this might be worse #grian #hermitcraft #hermitcraft 10 #horsemeatposting

[nursemimosa]

Larry's attempt at a joke. Give him a 10/10 for trying.

#the gap moe this man has is UNREAL btw #let him be sillaaay!!!! #i know deep down inside he likes to BE SILLY AND HAVE FUN he is just tired #also peek the fact that he's smiling more often in the club room now :) we are all his collective friends now we did it fam #pkmn sv #mine #pokemon larry #gym leader larry #larry pokemon #pkmn scarvi #pokemon scarvi #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon scarlet violet

[just-null-cult]

HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW JJK EPISODE BECAUSE NORITOSHI IS SO ADORABLE

IVE SEEN HIM. HES SO.... BREAKS MY FACE

#cult leader cameo #ragingbisegzual #hes so fucking cute bro #HE HAS NO FUCKING IDEA WHATS GOING ON #GOD I FORGOT HOW PRETTY HE WAS #GEGE DONT TAKE HIM AWAY FROM US #also im lowkey embarrassed with how much effort i put into that animation. like damn bb noritoshi simping is a frug like no other #THE VIDEO LOOKS SO SHITTYLMAIFJEAOF BUT POV YOU TOOK A PEEK INSIDE MY MIND

[thissying]

Max's onboard pre-restart, GP Monaco, 2024

#content for me #loved a peek inside the cockpit as they got him ready #and gp peeking his head in at the end with his usual tap-tap against the helmet while he talks #♥ #f1 #max verstappen #red bull racing #gianpiero lambiase #gp x max #my post

[monocub]

asl studies ❤️💙💛

#one piece #one piece fanart #op #monkey d. luffy #straw hat luffy #portgas d ace #fire fist ace #revolutionary sabo #sabo the revolutionary #flame emperor sabo #asl brothers #asl trio #op art #my art #monocuboodles #sketchdump of love #here’s a peek inside my mind #shapes and colors

[papersquirrels]

#Baby #Peek inside #Pattern paper #Stamping #Fussy cutting #cardmaking #papercraft #craftblr #handmade cards

[boinin]

Isagi Yoichi: rehabilitating adolescent angst with egotism since 2022

#my blorbo love language is shitposts can you tell #kunigami's comeback is so close I can taste it #i'll be so happy if we get a peek inside his lil emo head before the year ends #blue lock #blue lock manga #blue lock anime spoilers #bllk #bllk meme #shitpost #isagi yoichi #yukimiya kenyu #hiori yo #kunigami rensuke #mine

[pianokantzart]

Forever bitter we didn't get a novelized version of The Super Mario Bros Movie I want to re-experience the film in a written format.

#All they have is super simple kids books that stop halfway through the plot >:( #WHY DOES THE SONIC FRANCHISE GET OFFICIAL NOVELIZATIONS OF THEIR MOVIES AND WE DON'T #I want the silly micro-interactions and little extra peeks inside the characters heads it isn't fair #the super mario bros #mario movie

[inklessletter]

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

🌡️🌡️🌡️

Wanna trust the process with me?

#inklessletter #trust the process #fanart #steddie #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #kiss #this H O T #please someone just put an ice cube inside my shirt thank you #art #artists on tumblr #digital art #st fanart #sneak peek

[puppyeared]

people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime

#i say all of this positively bc i just! i cant help admiring it!! even if its mundane or not a big deal to you i seriously cant wrap my head #around it.. this is in no way at all meant to be condescending or anything. whenever i look at someones bio and theyre like oh im working #as a lab assistant biologist pharmacist realtor etc im like woag.... thats insane.. and then i peep your art tag and it knocks my socks of #how?? what lives do you lead??? im so curious. i seriously want a peek inside your brains someday. or at least shadow you at work lol #i cant help but feel sad when someone says smth like well i have to support myself and art cant do that for me. or maybe you were #pushed into pursuing a 'safe' career bc i hear it a lot. all of my relatives have the same story working as nurses and OFWs for the family #i think for me its not about missed potential but rather its being sad about making a decision to put your happiness aside to get by #ive tried so hard to do it but it didnt work out. i guess watching you guys do it is fascinating to me #or maybe youve made peace with your decision or actually like what you pursued but im still amazed!! it makes me wonder what made #you pick one over the other in that case.. is it like putting time for two different things the way you would for a schedule?? hmmm #im doing graphic design so i dont really interact with ppl in other faculties even humanities like sociology or childcare... so i cant help #wondering what it must be like as someone whos pursuing visual communication both as an interest and career #i seriously wish i could do smth like a desk job or even admin and maybe ill try that if this doesnt work. or i could look into trades #but dyscalculia already makes it hard to do things like cash and mental math so i get overwhelmed if i think about this too hard #yapping

[teleostuber]

^___^ link in bio

#animation #all of u anticipating the alex animatic… there r sneak peeks inside #thank u everyone who suggested this it means a lot 2 have ur support :) #drawing #video

[louxosenjoyables]

#a peek inside my head