#Reclaim the Stars

[richincolor]

I'm really excited to spend some of my downtime this summer reading, so I've found three more books to add to my TBR list that came out earlier this year. Have you read them? What did you think?

Reclaim the Stars: 17 Tales Across Realms & Space Wednesday Books

Seventeen fantasy and science fiction short stories from leading voices in the Latin American diaspora!

Reclaim the Stars is a collection of bestselling and acclaimed YA authors that take the Latin American diaspora to places fantastical and out of this world. From princesses warring in space, to the all too-near devastation of climate change, to haunting ghost stories in Argentina, and mermaids off the coast of the Caribbean. This is science fiction and fantasy that breaks borders and realms, and proves that stories are truly universal.

Authors include Daniel José Older, Yamile Saied Méndez, Anna-Marie McLemore, Mark Oshiro, Romina Garber, David Bowles, Lilliam Rivera, Claribel Ortega, Isabel Ibañez, Sara Faring, Maya Motayne, Nina Moreno, Vita Ayala, J.C. Cervantes, Circe Moskowitz, Linda Nieves Pérez, and Zoraida Córdova.

You Truly Assumed by Laila Sabreen Inkyard Press

In this compelling and thought-provoking debut novel, after a terrorist attack rocks the country and anti-Islamic sentiment stirs, three Black Muslim girls create a space where they can shatter assumptions and share truths.

Sabriya has her whole summer planned out in color-coded glory, but those plans go out the window after a terrorist attack near her home. When the terrorist is assumed to be Muslim and Islamophobia grows, Sabriya turns to her online journal for comfort. You Truly Assumed was never meant to be anything more than an outlet, but the blog goes viral as fellow Muslim teens around the country flock to it and find solace and a sense of community.

Soon two more teens, Zakat and Farah, join Bri to run You Truly Assumed and the three quickly form a strong friendship. But as the blog’s popularity grows, so do the pushback and hateful comments. When one of them is threatened, the search to find out who is behind it all begins, and their friendship is put to the test when all three must decide whether to shut down the blog and lose what they’ve worked for…or take a stand and risk everything to make their voices heard.

My Sister's Big Fat Indian Wedding by Sajni Patel Amulet

Zurika Damani is a naturally gifted violinist with a particular love for hip hop beats. But when you’re part of a big Indian family, everyone has expectations, and those certainly don’t include hip hop violin. After being rejected by Juilliard, Zuri's last hope is a contest judged by a panel of top tier college scouts. The only problem? This coveted competition happens to take place during Zuri’s sister’s extravagant wedding week. And Zuri has already been warned, repeatedly, that she is not to miss a single moment.

In the midst of the chaos, Zuri’s mom is in matchmaking mode with the groom’s South African cousin Naveen—who just happens to be a cocky vocalist set on stealing Zuri’s spotlight at the scouting competition. Luckily Zuri has a crew of loud and loyal female cousins cheering her on. Now, all she has to do is to wow the judges for a top spot, evade getting caught by her parents, resist Naveen’s charms, and, oh yeah . . . not mess up her sister’s big fat Indian wedding. What could possibly go wrong? -- Cover image and summary via Goodreads

#reclaim the stars #you truly assumed #my sister's big fat indian wedding #book lists #young adult books

[rominagarber]

Is there any chance we will get a third book in the Lobizona series? I love that world and the characters so much!

Thank you! For the time being, Wolves of No World remains a duology, but there is a short story set in that world that’s included in the anthology Reclaim the Stars. . . .

#lobizona #reclaim the stars

[paragraphs-and-pages]

Reclaim the Stars: 17 Tales Across Realms and Space edited by Zoraida Córdova

I feel like we’ve been seeing more and more YA anthologies over the years, especially ones focused on uplifting the voices of one specific community or another. This may be my 5th or 6th anthology at this point, and there are still plenty more out there on my radar! There’s just something about these collections of stories that draw me in every time, even if I end up rating them 3 or 4 stars…

View On WordPress

#anthology #book #book review #contemporary #fantasy #reclaim the stars #review #romance #sci-fi #science fiction #stand-alone #urban fantasy #YA #young adult

[paradises-library]

Grief makes the tiny details into giant, insurmountable cliffs and turns the things that really matter into meaningless afterthoughts.

“Flecha,” Daniel José Older

#reclaim the stars #flecha #daniel jose older #quotes

[bog-teeth]

star trek doodles yippee

#bog scribbles #star trek #k/s #spock #james t kirk #i can reclaim these i use these affectionately. help #s'chn t'gai spock #kirk/spock #spirk #star trek the original series #star trek tos #james kirk #jim kirk #st tos

[stellexpress]

extremely biased because they're my favorites but god i think damsel/tower would be such a fun combination

damsel: don't you just adore the sensation of your heart beating? all i want is to make him happy ^_^

tower, an equally fragile vessel, dispassionate as a result of her divine ascension, and disgusted by any acknowledgement she's still bound by flesh and desires: how i pity thee

#꒰ ✧ ꒱ wish upon a star #// i do think they'd initially be “friends” in the sense that the tower would develope a savior complex and try to rescue the damsel #// experiencing the pure mirth of saving a corrupted version of her old self - something dainty and weak and unworthy of worship #// and along the way through the damsel's influence she perhaps reclaims some of her humanity again #// not in a “taking her ego down a peg” way but being more comfortable with bruising and allowing herself to enjoy things below her status #// like i dunno i think it'd be neat. two princesses idolized to the point of having their humanity stripped of them getting to talk #// someone should write a vessel roadtrip fic or smth (that someone will probably be me) #slay the princess #the tower #the damsel

[mogai-sunflowers]

transmasc dyke flag!

transmasc dyke flag-

[Image ID: A flag with nine equally-sized horizontal stripes. From top to bottom, the colors are sky blue, bright red-orange, orange, golden, white, pastel red-orange, red-pink, medium purple-pink, and sky blue. End ID.]

flag by me, requested by no one! tagging @radiomogai​​​ and @corax-blackwolf​​ :3

#my flags #reigns flags #new flag #mogai flag #new mogai flag #combo flag #transmasc #dyke #transmasc dyke #d slur #d slur reclaimed #🌌a star is born ; coining🌌

[bolithesenate]

did the oc species thing

well, a bit of a redesign of my first ever star wars oc, Nema Akjuret

she's Zodiaque, a species that was believed to have been annihilated by the Sith in the last war. Some of them survived because they cryofroze large swathes of their people in hidden places and every once in a while one of them pops up when a pod malfunctions or gets discovered.

Nema got sold into slavery as a very small child so she has absolutely zero recollection of her origins. A wandering seeker comes across her by accident during the last days of the Clone Wars and takes her under his wing to at least teach her some shielding and whatnot (she's already way too old to be accepted into the order by then)

they know each other for less than a week when O66 hits

her finder gets killed helping her escape and hide and from then on she's alone again in a world out to hunt her.

#but she meets her actual cousin (my friend's oc) and together they go on a merry adventure to reclaim their lost planet and people! #which i have all up in my brain imagined and locked and loaded since i was 12 #the Zodiaque are semi-aquatic and lived in large cities in underwater caves #protected by the ice crust that surrounds the outer part of their planet #random boli thoughts #star wars #my art #i should draw some more of the ocs of this i remember #nostalgia pure

[edeldoro]

I love how the broken, gilded cage Robin sits in appears to resemble a waterphone (and a phonograph within, by the look of it?). You may have heard its beautiful haunting voice in horror films and music in general. That the splash art attributes it to her, a Path of Harmony character, The Robin of Penacony, renowned singer across the stars, is so cool.

#HSR #Honkai Star Rail #Robin hsr #Trying to reclaim what dignity I have #. #It's such a great choice of musical instruments #A medley of instruments honestly #They really said the waterphone is for the sapphics-- (SHOT) #So far I've only seen one (1) public tweet about the waterphone like ueueue (sound of crying) #Robin! Waterphone! It's a delightful surprise ough #Also not to mention birds galore.... #Birbs #The waterphone needs to leave me alone help I am still not over the fact they put it in Robin's splash art #Like she can apparently have resonance with other lifeforms? Excited to see how they'll spin it from there #Makes me want to re-experience Tales of the Abyss lore again waugh #Fonons... Fonic Hymn... The Score... #Robin von Star Rail as a Tales of character help #I need to stop rambling in the tags and catch Zs but music instruments! Robin! Chef's kiss

[cursedluver]

insta AND twitter both really liked this mini comic i made… it’s been bouncing around in my head for a lil bit : ) feelings about connecting to community in unexpected ways.<3

#my art #trans artist #lgbtq #lgbtqplus #procreate #transgender #digital art #starpion #pride #queer #queer art #queer community #q slur cw #q slur reclaimed #comic #original comic #stars #illustration #art

[lucydoodlessometimes]

oooohh you guys are not ready for my skyward wish-inspired au. because im not

#just to be clear #NOT directly derivative of actual wish because i was disappointed when i watched it through totally legal means #i have seen some concepts from some artbooks #and the movie as it is #and i thought “huh. i could make this spinface if i committed to the bit” #so the idea is that spensa is a fallen star who was once human #because everything is made of stardust. #and jorgen is a knight type who WORKS for the evil (?) “king” (possibly ironsides. yet to be decided) and sort of takes up the asha role #and they have the same vague ideas for plot with the reclaiming the wishes for everyone to work towards their own wish again #except the antagonist is slowly draining the life out of all of these wishes. to fuel her very justified but simultaneously very wrong war #i havent put more thought into this yet i just know the rest of the flight is gonna be a cooler version of the seven wannabe dwarves #anyway tag time #lucy doodles #cytoverse #skyward #skyward brandon sanderson #starsight #cytonic #defiant #skyward spensa #spensa nightshade #jorgen weight #spinface #wish #disney wish #skyward jorgen #wish au #claim the stars #arts arcanum #also this isnt a movie style story. more like one fic with a bunch of slice of life style oneshots to the side

[miss-spixx]

Do you think Hera ever sits in the Ghost late at night when she can't sleep because when she looks around the ship she's called home for a good portion of her life she can only feel this insurmountable loneliness? She's not truly alone of course, Chopper and Jacen are there somewhere, but the ship doesn't feel like it did during the rebellion. When the Ghost was full of people and there was always someone there and something going on. When she could walk down the hall and see Sabine in her room drawing her latest inspiration, or go into the common area and see Zeb and Ezra bickering about something stupid. When she could go into the cargo bay and see Kanan and Ezra training. And now when she walks through the ship it feels lifeless. A suffocating emptiness, because everyone has either died, disappeared, or gone off on their own, and now the Ghost is an empty shell of what it once was.

#seen the first 3 episodes of Ahsoka with my dad now and I can't stop thinking about Hera and her life after the rebellion #do you think she kept all of Kanan's things? his clothes to one day give to Jacen when he's older and fits in them? #do you think her heart aches when she looks at Jacen and knows that one day he'll look so much like his father #did she keep all of the paintings Sabine did on the walls in her room? #did she leave all of ezra's things untouched in his and zeb's room in hopes that one day he'll be back and reclaim his spot in the Ghost #whose room did she have to give to Jacen? did she give Kanan's old room to him because it was the most unused out of all of them? #hera syndulla #sw rebels #ahsoka series #star wars

[jackdaw-and-hattrick]

The press went NUTS when they found out the Dick was working as a pole dancer. It was big news, and everyone wanted to know how Bruce Wayne felt about his Baby Boy working as a stripper. B was… well, he was ticked. Not at Dick, no, he was just proud of him for getting a well paying job in an area he enjoyed. No, B’s fury sat squarely on the press. Papers that had gleefully printed sexual photos and articles about him were now aghast about Dick.

See, B’s whole “playboy” cover wasn’t originally exactly Bruce’s idea. He remembered vividly as a teenager the perceived humiliation of these adults sexualizing every little thing he did and of the constant anxiety of trying and failing to control his image; the way they seemed to pounce on any tiny flaw in his appearance or behavior and the paranoia that developed after the first of many photos of him was published of him just… going about his day, paired with a big red headline blasting him for daring to be a teenager. He remembered being terrified of being seen wearing a swimsuit and refusing to eat in public. So eventually, him leaning into this sexualization as a cover story wasn’t so much because he liked it, but because he knew how eagerly everyone would eat it up.

Now here was Dick, making an informed, consensual choice about how he wanted to be perceived, and they wanted to vilify him for it. So yes, B may have flew off the handles a bit, and yes, it probably wasn’t the best move to punch a reporter, but he had fought Hell to protect his kids from what he had gone through, and that sure as fuck wasn’t going to change any time soon.

#batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #B wears a shirt that says “sex work is real work” for a month and a half over this #thinking about child stars and the shit they go through #the press learned early on that messing with any of the Wayne children was a good way to be sued into oblivion #B is tired #he just wants to be left alone #and maybe the whole “billionaire playboy” shtick is a way to try and reclaim his public perception but that's between him and his therapist #he only even actively tried to maintain it for like a year before he realized that it didn't matter what he did #there is a reason there are so many pictures of the Wayne kids flipping off the press #when they were in med school together Harley used to threaten reporters who tried to interview her with a baseball bat #Dent personally offered to do a whole lotta liable suits as soon as he passed the bar #on a lighter note #I do think Dick would legitimately enjoy pole dancing #and it's not like he's against running around in skimpy outfits #tw sexualization of minors #tw loss of autonomy #tw mentions of anxiety and possible EDs due to trauma

[disabledunitypunk]

If a community disability term, such as neurodivergence, contains diagnoses that in your experience are too different to be related, you can opt out of the term, but you do not get to disagree that the term still includes both for other people with those diagnoses.

I don't actually care what the coiner's intentions with a word were that much, beyond, "if even one person finds a wider or more inclusive definition meaningful, the definition expands to encompass their usage of it".

That's descriptivism, the idea that words only exist to be useful to us and that we shape their meaning to that end. It is the counterpart to prescriptivism, the idea that words have concrete, strict, static definitions and that we have to use the right words as accurately as possible and can't use words if they fit badly enough.

"Words have meanings" is a prescriptivist take, but so is "I don't feel neurodivergence includes xyz".

I mean this in a way less aggressive than it sounds, but quite simply, neurodivergence doesn't revolve around your experience of it.

I also find it symptomatic of the extreme cartesian dualist bias most people haven't actually examined that "physical disability" can include everything from neurogenic pain to irritable bowel disease to limb deformities to cardiac issues to asthma to paralysis to visual impairment and more, but neurodivergence and neurodisabilities are often limited to, if not the more palatable and less disordered forms, even just things that are primarily cognitive or emotional in nature.

To explain, cartesian dualism is the idea that there is a separate, nonphysical "mind" from the physical neurological structure of your brain and body - and that therefore essentially mental illness and neurodivergence are sicknesses and differences of an abstract consciousness that is little more than a different word for the idea of a "soul".

It's very disturbing to me that people think that, because we don't fully understand how bioelectrical and chemical processes or neurophysical structure inform the phenotypical presentation of disorders and neurodivergence with an array of cognitive-emotional symptoms, that we can simply just say "eh, it's not physical in the same way physical neurological symptoms are.

Okay, that's a mouthful, but basically, our entire consciousness - emotions, thoughts, the places in our physical bodies we feel our emotions (and store trauma), the physical symptoms of our mental illnesses, and so forth - they all are caused by one of essentially three categories of things.

Either the electrical signals passing between neurons in a certain order and direction, hormones and enzymes and proteins being chemically processed by receptors in brain and other bodily cells (which, it's important to note, mental illness and neurodivergence exist as a conversation between brain cells and other bodily cells), or the actual physical shape of the brain.

From what little we do understand, we know that electrical activity, chemical activity, and physical differences in the brain are responsible in some way for the psychological phenomena we study. We mostly just don't understand exactly HOW.

The similarities between primarily physical neurological conditions and primarily mental neurological conditions is that they are both a result of what is occurring in the neurological system (and to a lesser extent, in where the neurological system interfaces and communicates with other systems).

Migraines, nerve pain, epilepsy, bell's palsy, Parkinson's, tremors, stroke, lateral sclerosis - these are very different from things like bipolar, anxiety, OCD, NPD, AvPD, SzPD, PTSD, DID, autism, schizophrenia, ID, and so on, for many people.

It's why you can opt out of labels like neurodivergence for conditions you don't feel it fits.

But, crucially, you don't get to make that decision and universally define the word for others. The most inclusive definition of the word prevails, because there are people who do find that their experiences with things in each of those category are similar, or so closely related they can't be separated, or simply worth grouping together for the fact they occur in the same bodily system via the same or similar mechanisms.

For me, my chronic pain, my gut health issues, my MCAS, my autism, my anxiety, my PTSD, my DID, my chronic fatigue, my brain fog, my schizophrenia, my ADHD, my tremor, my dysautonomia, my balance issues and struggles with spacial awareness and lack of awareness of my physical body, the alexithymia that I've worked so hard to manage, my language and sensory processing disorders... it's all closely and heavily interrelated.

Some of it causes or worsens other parts (or in some cases is minimally suspected to, but I'm mainly focusing on the ones that inarguably directly cause the others here). My anxiety and PTSD trigger my gut issues. Inflammation from my MCAS triggers my chronic pain and brain fog and POTS and makes my anxiety, depression, and DID worse. My dyspraxia and sensory processing are worse when I'm brain foggy or in pain. Getting excited about special interests can make my tremor worse than anxiety can. This is kind of a weird one, but self-injury from BPD has caused nerve damage. Autism and ADHD cause a large portion of my chronic fatigue.

That's without even getting into where the symptom sets overlap.

Anxiety comes with tachycardia, shortness of breath, feelings of dread/doom, stomach upset, tremors, dysregulation of my sense of temperature, flushing, and more.

POTS comes with... tachycardia, shortness of breath, stomach upset, tremors, dysregulation of my sense of temperature, flushing, and more. And MCAS covers the "feelings of dread/doom", so when they are flaring up together...

Chronic pain is a symptom of depression and PTSD as well as fibromyalgia and nerve damage. Chronic fatigue is a symptom of just about every disability that exists.

Food sensitivities are as likely to be from neurodivergence as from eating disorders (which can be considered neurodivergent) as from GI issues. I see an allergist for my condition which is caused by dysregulation of gastrointestinal cells, which is suspected to potentially be related to trauma, which is also suspected as having a relationship with the dysautonomia present in my POTS, trauma for me which is as much a result of my neurodivergence and the casual ignorant and often nonmalicious ableism ingrained into every facet of society I faced as the abuse I went through. (And some of the abuse was a result of my disabilities, both primarily physical and primarily mental!)

There is no separating it for me. They are not different enough to deny myself a label that acknowledges that and never will be. Neurodivergence and neurodisability (a term I coined) as well are as much for people like me as people who have fully discrete separate symptoms.

I even find the separation of disabilities into "physical" and "psychological" to be a bit of a misdirection. Psychological disabilities are physical. They manifest through physical symptoms. Even emotional symptoms are experienced by the body on a physical level, though a lot of us neurodivergent folks struggle with awareness of that (I know I did and often still do).

Anxiety is often a rapid heart rate and sweating and shortness of breath. Depression is pain and appetite suppression and often low blood pressure. Sadness can be chest pain and throat tightness. Excitement often has near identical physical manifestations as anxiety. Happiness is usually felt throughout the whole body. Sensations of different temperatures, breathing, pulse, and gut functions are most primarily associated with emotion.

"Trust your gut" even means "trust your intuition", meaning your subconscious mental sense of safety vs danger, for this reason.

"My heart plummeted."

"My heart was in my throat."

"My stomach was roiling with nerves."

"I felt a cold sweat on my neck."

"I knew in my gut I could trust her."

These are how people describe emotions.

Even where the symptoms are either not identifiably physical or not experienced as physical in the consciousness (such as thought patterns), they are caused by physical processes in an actual physical organ. Their cause is the same at a fundamental level as a primarily physical symptom such as pain - while they may occur in different locations in the neurological system, or may be triggered by different sets of chemicals, at a basic level they are both physically occurring in the same bodily system.

Even separating out the brain as an organ from the rest of the body has actively limited scientific progress. It's only as modern science has actually been analyzing it in concert with the other bodily systems that it is responsible for both controlling and processing feedback from that large advancements in our understanding of neurology have been made.

The organ responsible for telling every other organ what to do and understanding what happens in every other organ cannot be compartmentalized and analyzed on its own. At least, not if we want any actual useful data.

I often wonder, for people who do have discrete symptom sets, is there a reason other than simply "it doesn't make sense to group it with my other neurodivergence" for saying they "disagree" with the definitions of neurodivergence and neurodisability that they are allowed not to use for themselves?

Is it possibly that neuroableism is so rampant in our society and even in disabled spaces that they simply haven't examined their own internalized biases and bigotry and they don't take neurodisabilities, including their own, as seriously as disabilities they consider more physical?

Is the idea that they have been as physical as their other disabilities all along scary or threatening because it means that in shoving them off into the realm of "mental" disability they've been pushing themselves past their limits to "overcome" something that is just as painful, just as harmful, and just as concretely, profoundly disabling as their other disabilities? That they were just as unable to do the things their disability prevented them from doing and hurting themselves just as much by trying to and then blaming themselves on top of it for the ways they "fell short" due to said disability?

This is not meant as an attack. I sometimes have the people who say this stuff unintentionally stumble on trauma triggers, but I don't dislike them. I wish I was more capable of having these conversations without really essentially running and hiding. I try to use this blog for that because I'm able to ignore it more easily than my main blog when I'm in a heightened state, and because it's more of a controlled environment where these conversations are intended to take place.

These are questions I'm asking specifically from analyzing past attitudes of mine. I didn't necessarily share them publicly, but there was a time where I felt similarly. I'm not asking out of some concern-trolling, either. I acknowledge that what I talked about is only one possible explanation for that belief, and if that is the case, I'd simply encourage the people for whom it's true to be patient with themselves and let themselves be disabled, whatever that means for them.

I don't even think it's necessarily a super harmful belief, although I think it crosses a line when the belief goes from "that's not how I use neurodivergent for myself" to "I don't think it's useful for neurodivergence to be defined that way in general". I think it's one we should all interrogate, sure. Providing a possible explanation is my way of trying to open up a conversation about that. Eliminating a possibility as wrong still gets us closer to a more accurate understanding, even at an individual level.

I think put quite simply though, if that is the case, I don't feel condescending and patronizing pity. I'm angry on all of our behalf that we live in a society that so deeply ingrains those ideas into us in order to uphold the oppression of all disabled people, and especially to sow disunity between us to disrupt our efforts at organization and liberation. I'm angry that we've been taught to hurt ourselves in this way. I'm furious that we've been convinced that this is the right way of understanding and dealing with disability.

So, to loop back around and neatly tie this post off with my original point: I would like to motivate people to examine WHY they label certain diagnoses as neurodivergent/neurodisabilities and others as not. I would encourage them to remember that an umbrella label including diagnoses of theirs that they don't want to use that label for doesn't make the definition wrong. I'd remind them that they are absolutely welcome to use a more restrictive definition individually without challenging the general definition, because words can mean multiple things.

And I'd say that the most important thing is just to remember when discussing this is that other people may consider a shared diagnosis to be neurodivergent where you don't, and that "disagreeing" with them is fundamentally "disagreeing" with their identity and how they experience it, which however well-intentioned is still bigotry. It doesn't make you a bad person, but it is a harmful action and the right thing to do is whatever needs to be done to not continue to harm others. Whether it's as simple as just stopping or as complex as analyzing the entire lens through which you view neurodivergence, the important thing is respecting that neurodivergent identity means different things for different people.

And after all, at least in English, 95 percent of the 3000 most frequently used words have multiple meanings, as do 100 percent of the top 1000 most used words. Words like go and set have upwards of 300-400 definitions! Rather than treating definitions like a math problem, right or wrong, let's treat them as interpretive, and facilitate communication by asking people which they mean.

#prescriptivism #descriptivism #mod stars #unitypunk #neurodivergence #neurodisability #disability #physical disability #neurology #neuropsychology #cartesian dualism #cw brief self harm mention #ableism #neuroableism #trauma #adding this in the tags: a good example is how lqbtqia+ people can opt out the reclaimed label queer #whether your identity is always considered valid as a queer identity or faces bigotry at every turn you can choose to demand inclusion #no matter whether or not you use the label queer #that's important

[luvvewan]

Good Enough

Written for the QuiObi Discord’s Reclaim the Tag challenge. My angst prompt from @firondoiel was “Am I not good enough?” (AO3 link to story)

For the first time, Obi-Wan doesn’t wait for Qui-Gon before stalking out of the Jedi Council chambers, cloak whipping behind. He disappears before Qui-Gon can catch up to him.

Qui-Gon hesitates outside the ornate doors. Anakin stands beside him, the boy’s confusion and fear and hope burning brightly in the Force.

“Where’d he go?” Anakin asks after a moment.

Qui-Gon knows Obi-Wan hasn’t gone anywhere. The mission takes priority. There isn’t time to wait out the shock, nor space to allow for distance. Qui-Gon blinks and looks down at Anakin, places a reassuring hand on his small shoulder. “To the ship. And so are we. Come on.”

—

Obi-Wan is indeed at the platform when they arrive, standing like a stoic column. Unlike Anakin, his mental shields are immaculate.

But as soon as he glances at Qui-Gon, his eyes give it all away.

Qui-Gon must ignore the sharp twinge in his chest. Beyond his Padawan, he sees the Queen and her entourage, preparing to return to Naboo, where the only certainty seems to be bloodshed.

The last few days have contained a lifetime. The Force is speaking to him, a thousand voices as one, yet Qui-Gon cannot be sure of what he’s being told.

Obi-Wan argues with him about Anakin, and Qui-Gon dismisses him, borrowing the authority of Obi-Wan’s Master when he’s just told the Council he will train a different apprentice.

Obi-Wan obeys, and leaves Qui-Gon again.

—

Hours pass, plans are made. Qui-Gon settles Anakin in a berth, then makes his way to the room he and Obi-Wan have been given. A part of him is tempted to stay with Anakin and avoid another altercation. He palms open the door and walks in, shedding his robe and boots.

The room is dark. Obi-Wan is already laying on his cot. His eyes are closed, yet Qui-Gon can easily sense his wakefulness.

Qui-Gon goes to the fresher and rinses his face with water at the sink. When he emerges, he notices his boots remain where he left them, rather than neatly arranged at the foot of his cot, something Obi-Wan has always done for him.

The Naboo mission has brought with it a sense of unreality: the Sith Lord, the miraculous boy in the desert. But it is this omitted task, a Padawan’s gesture of duty and respect, that strikes Qui-Gon with bewildering force. He sits heavily on his cot. He sighs under his breath, a small noise that is nevertheless jarring in the silence. He thinks this might make Obi-Wan acknowledge him. It does not.

Exhaustion crawls over him. He sinks into the mattress and laces his fingers across his chest. He breathes in deeply.

He is nearly asleep when a whisper comes: “Am I not good enough?”

The vulnerability in Obi-Wan’s voice takes him by surprise, so different from the bitterly controlled tone he used earlier on the platform. Qui-Gon doesn’t turn to him; it would be more than he can take, just now. “I have recommended you for your Trials, Obi-Wan,” he answers softly. “A decision not made lightly.”

He hears the click of Obi-Wan swallowing. “But perhaps, out of necessity?”

Qui-Gon clasps his fingers closer together. “You’ve trained well over a decade. You are older than most Padawans.” He does not mean for the words to come across harshly, yet they do.

“I know that,” Obi-Wan murmurs. “I’ve never understood why. Whenever someone is knighted, my friends tell me I’ll be next. But Bant, Quinlan, Reeft, Garen…all of them have advanced. It was only me these past two years. Why now, if not to make room for the boy?”

Qui-Gon allows himself to feel the mounting pain in his chest. Guilt, or sadness, or a mixture of many things. He fixes his eyes on the ceiling. “You cannot compare yourself to others. And you should not question my evaluation of your skills.”

He hears Obi-Wan shift in the covers. He glances across at the other cot and sees that Obi-Wan has turned away from him.

Whatever he might want to say never quite leaves his tongue.

He stays awake until he hears Obi-Wan’s breathing settle into the rhythm of sleep, then much longer after that.

—

Qui-Gon screams as Obi-Wan is run through by the Sith blade. The young face freezes in shock, mouth open, and then his Padawan crumples to the ground.

His vision briefly blurs from searing anguish. The Zabrak warrior grins at him, a smug flash of pointed teeth.

The battle is over quickly.

—

He runs to Obi-Wan, still sprawled where he fell. His tunics are singed black around the saber wound.

Qui-Gon drops to his knees and gently gathers Obi-Wan in his arms. “Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan…!”

Obi-Wan struggles to open his eyes. He clutches Qui-Gon’s sleeve. “‘m sorry…”

“No no no,” Qui-Gon shakes his head. He wipes the tears sliding down Obi-Wan’s cheek with his thumb. “Nothing like that.” His eyes dart around, searching for help. One of the guards, anyone to help.

“Failed…”

Qui-Gon snaps his head back down. “No, no. Listen to me,” his voice shakes, “You haven’t failed, you haven’t..” he watches as his Padawan’s eyelids droop. His lips are too pale. It feels like his entire body is trembling. “Obi-Wan, here with me, alright? Keep your eyes open with me.”

It’s an obvious struggle, but Obi-Wan manages to look at Qui-Gon again, his eyes gray and watery.

Someone will come. Someone must come. Qui-Gon pushes aside his panic and offers an encouraging smile, dashing more tears away, combing the sweaty hair from Obi-Wan’s brow. “That’s it. Look at me. Stay right here with me.”

He hears distant voices, whoops and cheers.

Obi-Wan moans and twitches in his arms, but his eyes are dutifully focused on Qui-Gon.

Qui-Gon uses his free hand to stroke Obi-Wan’s cheek. He empties every bit of his Force strength into his connection with his apprentice, desperate to buy time.

“Ah…” Obi-Wan cries out weakly.

Qui-Gon leans in and touches their foreheads together. “The pain is somewhere else, Padawan. Stay here with me. Here with me.”

Obi-Wan fists more of Qui-Gon’s tunic, groaning. “I…it’s too…”

Whatever he was trying to say is stolen by another wave of agony.

Qui-Gon huddles closer, bent over him, cradling his Padawan against his chest. This isn’t the end. It can’t be. Not Obi-Wan.

“Listen to me, young one,” he whispers fiercely against Obi-Wan’s ear. “You have always been good. Every day of your life. That’s why I couldn’t let you go. It was your Light, Obi-Wan. I wanted you with me, to keep you as long as I could, even when I knew you were ready.”

Footsteps pound somewhere behind them.

Qui-Gon rocks Obi-Wan and kisses his temple, his cheek. “So you must stay with me. You belong with me. Alright? Alright?”

😇

#star wars #obi-wan kenobi #qui-gon jinn #obi-wan #reclaim the tag #quiobi #ficlet #qui-gon

[mogai-sunflowers]

butch boydyke flag!

butch boydyke flag-

[Image ID: A flag with nine equally-sized horizontal stripes. From top to bottom, the colors are deep indigo, bright red-orange, orange, golden orange, white, pastel blue, denim blue, royal blue/indigo, and deep indigo. End ID.]

flag by me, requested by no one! tagging @radiomogai​​ :3

#my flags #reigns flags #new flag #mogai flag #new mogai flag #butch #boydyke #dyke #d slur #d slur reclaimed #🌌a star is born ; coining🌌