#UGH ive said enough. ive said enough. i will talk until my tags start getting deleted if i keep going so ill leave it there

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part VI

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, mention of blackmail, all characters are adults.

Words: 1567.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

________

You spent the rest of your evening like a somnambulist, barely able to concentrate on your projects before you went to bed, barely finishing half of the things you planned for today. Even the change of locks didn't make you as happy as you thought it would. It felt like something between a dream and a nightmare.

Lying in the dark, you stared at the ceiling, thinking of what happened just a couple of hours ago. Why did he do it? Was it just out of habit and didn’t mean anything? Naturally, with his appearance and easy-going attitude, he probably dated many girls and didn’t think much before kissing someone he liked.

Remembering the way he talked to you in the morning, you thought he must have pretended to be shy around you. Thor certainly wasn’t sheepish.

Was it all a sham? Was Loki right about all of them, playing their roles to get close to you? You couldn’t forget the way Thor looked the moment he told you about being smart. It was like something switched inside him, and for a second you saw the real Thor who was far from being your simple, good-natured athlete.

Why did you keep thinking about that stupid kiss even after seeing the man could be dangerous?

Aroused and angry, you tossed and turned until you fell asleep.

____________

Waking up was especially tough, despite the fact you didn't really do much yesterday, meaning you were going to spend your weekend studying. Shoot, and that's when you planned to visit that new chocolate boutique in the city. Maybe you could still make it if you spent more time studying today?

But then again, going to the city alone might be a bad idea. Even if the guys who stole your things were beaten, it didn't mean it had always been the same people following you. The school was full of weirdos, in the end. What if somebody went after you? Steve would definitely say you had to bring one of your guards with you.

Damn. It was better staying in the dorm then.

"Good morning! Are you ready?" Peter's voice broke through the silence, and you flinched, hurriedly applying some lipstick because you didn't have enough time to put your makeup properly.

Well, at least you were fully dressed.

"Just give me a second!" Picking up your bag, you put your shoes on and opened the door, looking at a young guy who's face was lit up like a Christmas tree. "Hi!"

He definitely liked what he saw, and you felt your cheeks growing hot from embarrassment. From the very start of the semester Peter acted very sweet around you, and you thought you could be friends with him. He wouldn't do something as ugly as blackmailing, would he? Thor said it too. Clearly, Steve was exaggerating.

"Did you sleep well? I've heard you changed your lock, so now it'll be better."

"Ugh, I hope so. But I still sleep with my dresser blocking the door." Sighing, started walking, afraid to look in the faces of other students, hurrying off to school.

They must have been disgusted, watching you being friendly with one guy after being all lovey-dovey with the other just yesterday. Although you didn't see anyone in particular, you were sure somebody saw Thor kissing you. And now you were walking the corridors with Peter.

"By the way, what's your Insta?"

What? Your Instagram? Whatever for? Although you had no idea why he needed it, you let him add you, by the time leaving the dorm and walking towards the main building.

Suddenly, Peter got pretty close, his arm on your waist as he lifted up his phone and hummed, "Look here and smile!"

Before you realized what he was doing, the boy kissed your temple, and you heard the sound of a photo being taken by his front-facing camera. What the Hell?!

"Peter!" Pissed at him, you quickly break free and stepped back, but he was already looking at his phone, editing the photo and posting it almost immediately.

You heard your phone buzz when he marked you on the photo.

"That's a good one. You look very cute here."

"What are you doing?!"

"Making a proof we're dating, of course?"

You were taken aback by the sincerity in his voice, and Peter smiled from ear to ear like an excited teenager, showing you the picture: it wasn't that bad, and you looked as if you were slightly embarrassed by Peter's closeness. Oh, of course. He had to convince his friends he was dating you, but he didn't kiss you on the lips that could make other people too suspicious. Instead, friends of Barnes or, say, Thor, would still think it was all for show, and it was their friend who dated you for real.

Shit, Steve's plan was incredibly complicated, and you didn't like it at all.

"Oh, alright." You mumbled, lowering your eyes to the ground, and Peter laughed.

"We'll make a TikTok dance later. If you wanna make people talk, just use your social media." He winked at you and put the phone in the pocket of his pants, resuming walking, and you moved along, your face still hot.

God, what did these guys got you into? You felt like you were lost in the middle of a play, not even having a script to read what was your role in all this.

Before you parted your ways, going to a different classrooms, Peter talked about videogames, the upcoming Resident Evil - apparently, his favorite franchise - and some Dota tournament, but you didn't know much about it, and Peter offered to show you his favorite games "because you can't spend all your time studying!"

He was as careless and sweet as always, but you couldn't get Steve's words out of your mind. Damn, if only you could know for sure that Peter didn't blackmail anyone. Who could you talk to about it? Obviously, not Peter himself, but every time he spoke you had that nagging feeling you needed to talk to him. You barely kept your mouth shut before he went to a different room.

Ugh, why didn't you transfer anywhere else when you still had a chance? Obviously, now you could only drop out of school, and it definitely wasn't something you were going to do.

Luckily, the next couple of hours you were busy with your classes, trying your best to prepare for the upcoming exams. The academy held high standards, and even though you were a good student, it still took lots of efforts to keep up the good work. How Thor even managed to get enrolled, judging by the fact he hated studying and often skipped classes?

Ah yes, he mentioned something about getting a scholarship from the academy for his success in the sport.

By the lunch time you were drained, listening to Peter chatting with an absent-mindedly epxression on your face. Funny enough, Peter's grades were better than yours, even though he spent much less time studying. What, was he some genius like Loki? You felt a little envy.

"I gotta go take my tracksuit, I have PE next," the boy said, and you nodded, throwing away the leftovers of your lunch.

As you stood close while he grabbed his sportclothes, you heard two guys talking behind the lockers to your right.

"Have you seen her today? She's with Parker!"

You tensed immediately. Of course, they were talking about you.

"Yeah, so what?"

"She was with Thor yesterday!"

Watching you froze on the spot, Peter stilled too, listening carefully. Oh shit, you hoped no one cared about who you went with - why should they, in the end - but, apparently, you were drawing too much attention simply because you were a girl among hundreds of male students.

"So what?" The other guy asked impatiently, growing tired of this conversation.

"Are you stupid? She's going out with them! I bet she's looking for a guy." The first student said with excitement, and you cringed. No, you weren't going out with anyone, you wanted to stop the weirdos from following you and steeling your things. Was it too much to ask?

"Yeah, who cares?"

"We have three fucking girls in the whole school, and you don't care if one of them could be going out with you? Besides, this one's pretty. I'd fuck her!"

You felt like you were going to puke any moment. Why on Earth did you decide to transfer to an all-boys school? It was like the whole school were a men’s room filled with stupid-ass guys, and you were locked inside, forced to listen them talk junk.

"You'd fuck a sheep, weirdo. Go get yourself a girlfriend if you can’t stop thinking with your dick.”

Laughing, the guy left, and his friend followed him, shouting something stupid while you breathed out a sigh of relief. Of course, you knew there would be some talk, but you didn’t expect it to be so... gross. Were you really gonna spend the two remaining years here?

Watching you getting frustrated, Peter gently touched you by the arm and said softly, “Don’t worry. They won’t talk rubbish about you.”

“What do you mean?” Suddenly thinking of Steve’s words, you blurted out exactly what you were thinking of the whole day, “Are you going to blackmail them with something?”

“I... what?”

Part VII

__________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin ​@inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @soleil-dor @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic @mariatietacapitu @d3monslust @maybesandohnos @ibeatuptwinks @mangobangi

#bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #thor x reader #loki x reader #peter parker x reader #dark steve rogers #dark bucky barnes #dark loki #dark peter parker #dark thor #yandere

[hello-yue-here]

thank you @chiptrillino for tagging me in a wip game!

not quite sure what the rules are but based off of your AMAZING POST OF ART WIPS (check it out here yall chip is so talented) ive decided to just share some parts of my writing wips that i rlly like because i cannot draw whatsoever lmao

enjoy some lil snippets hehe

from heart don't stand a chance:

"Zuko couldn’t get over her eyes. She was looking past the camera towards the man who took it. Zuko could see clear as day the love she held for Sokka in her gaze.

It was a perfect moment that Sokka had captured. No wonder held it with him at all times. If someone had looked at Zuko like that, he’d never want to see anything again.

As he took in the photograph, Sokka sat next to him in silence. His hand was clutching the ring around his neck again in his fist, pressing it close to his mouth as he peered over Zuko’s shoulder to look. Zuko turned to him to compliment the picture and saw a sad fondness lingering in his eyes."

this is a scene i wrote a while ago thats gonna appear in a much later chapter. but yeah. more yue angst for you guys im so sorry.

from i love you (and that's all i really know):

"Mister Sokka," a little voice wishpered in his ear as he felt tiny pokes on his cheek, "Wake up Mister Sokka."

"Good morning to you too Izumi," Sokka responded wearily as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He looked towards the little girl who was standing on her tippy toes to see over the edge of the bed and poke his face until he rose.

She smiled at him once she realized he was awake.

"Can we have pancakes?" She asked shyly, hiding her mouth just below the edge of the bed as she looked up at him with hopeful eyes.

That look was going to be dangerous for him later on, he could aready tell.

"Sure thing, Izumi, just let me sleep for five more minutes, mkay?" He asked as he shut his eyes again. He was exhausted from last nights events, and the sun had barely risen. How did Zuko do this?"

this is a scene from the next chapter of this fic. so much sokka and izumi bonding you guys are gonna explode hehehe.

from cherry (the mailee fic i wont shut up about that is now a whopping 19 pages):

"Mai never had to guess with Ty Lee. She always knew when Ty Lee was happy about something because she would use an obnoxious amount of exclamation points. She would send gifs of people or cartoons making outlandish expressions whenever she wanted to react to Mai’s text with a specific facial expression. Sometimes Ty Lee would even send voice memos whenever her thoughts became too long, or she got too excited about a story that her fingers couldn’t type as fast as she could speak."

hehe i love mailee.

from yours (the mailee sorority fic that i promise i did not forget about):

"Mai lifted her head off the pillow again and met Zuko’s eyes. She studied his impassive expression, trying to figure out if he was joking or not. He did seem like he missed Mai and Azula, so maybe he did really just want to catch up with them.

But Mai wasn’t going to give up a golden opportunity like this.

“Tell us everything about the boy toy as well and you’ve got yourself a deal,” Mai said.

Zuko rolled his eyes and sighed, “Ugh, fine. And his name is Sokka by the way.”

“Nuance. You also have to wake up Azula.”

“No chance in hell,” Zuko scoffed, “You’re the roommate and her fellow ‘pong princess,’ wake-up duty is all yours.”

“If she murders me, it’s your fault. She’s a bitch when she’s hungover.”

“Whatever you say, Mai,” Zuko grinned before returning back to his phone."

i have decided that zuko is a little shit for this fic and no one can stop me.

from Where'd All the Time Go? (the yuekka fic that i have severe writers block with that i also promis i have not forgotten about):

"“Sokka I really think you need to take a moment and-”

“I am fine Aang, I don’t have time for a feelings talk right now. Right now I need to find the fucking chief of this damn place.” His words came out harsher than he meant, but he didn’t have the time to dwell on that.

Before Sokka could run off again to continue his search, a hand grabbed his arm. One of Arnook’s advisors, Malina, had started dragging him towards the podium.

“Do you not realize how late you are for this Sokka? The ceremony was supposed to begin with your speech nearly an hour ago-” she hissed at him as she pulled him along through the crowd.

“Malina I’m sorry but I really need to speak with Arnook it is urgent-”

“This damn speech of yours is what’s urgent right now Sokka, you can speak with Arnook later but the guests are getting antsy so you need to give your speech right. Now.”

“But-”

“Now.”

Maline shoved Sokka towards the podium and suddenly all eyes were on him. Every guest in attendance had their focus solely on Sokka."

homeboy is stressed in this scene. things are slowly going to shit in this chapter. i promise i will update this before the end of the year. i swear. im so sorry.

from a currently untitled jetko/sukka boiling rock fic:

"“Oh good, you survived after all,” She said in a mocking tone.

Jet didn’t answer. He knew anything he said would be used against him. He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know what was happening. But he would be damned if he showed that weakness in front of the fire nation.

“I was told you were more talkative than this,” the girl mused. There was something familiar about her, “my informants were very detailed when discussing your little teashop romance.”

I knew it. Jet snarled in his mind, That bastard betrayed me."

i want this fic to be a little darker but idk how good i am at writing darker fics because i love fluff and humor too much. this could be good angst practice for me.

from a toph and sokka fic that i wrote a while back to help me cope w some shit that i dont know if ill ever post:

"“Sokka? Are you still there?” Toph asked, the slightest hint of concern began to slip into their voice

“Tell me a story,” he was trembling. Despite all of his efforts to sound calm, he knew his voice came out trembling and scratchy and pathetic-

“Is everything okay? You don’t sound too hot,” Toph said through the phone.

Breathe, Sokka, breathe. You don’t want them to be worried, you just need to calm down.

“Please, Toph, I just,” he said through shaky breaths that weren’t nearly deep enough for him to be getting enough oxygen, “I just need a distraction. I just need to hear your voice okay?”"

nonbinary toph anyone?

from a 10 things i hate about you kataang and zukka au:

"“What? Something on my face?” the guy asked deadpanned. He rubbed at his scar as if he were wiping off a smudge of mustard, and Aang’s face went pale.

“Stop scaring the sophomores Zuko, this one’s new. He won’t get your… humor… just yet,” Ms. Wu said as she waved Aang off again.

“I’m hurt that you’d imply I’m not funny, Wu. I’m hilarious,” the senior, Zuko, said as he walked past Aang.

Aang let out a sigh of relief knowing that this Zuko guy didn’t seem all that offended by his awkwardness, and darted out of the room."

zuko is a little shit part 2. the amount of sarcasm i have dripping off of heath ledger zuko is glorious. let zuko be a little shit. i havent added to this in months but when i finish some of my other wips i cant wait to get back to this.

i have more wips and drafts saved but none of them have anything juicy or funny or interesting yet because all of them are like less than three pages so far

but yeah, heres a good chunk of sneaky peakys from my wips!

I hope you liked them!

anyone who wants to do this can totally go for it. imma tag @ambykinns @lumities and @flowers-inthepieshop (only if you all want too!!) because this was fun :)

#liv talks about writing #liv talks ab fanfic #liv wips #liv fics #i love sharing my writing #especially when i have a bit of a block going on with well.... every fic #maybe this will give me inspiration!!! #i love sharing my writing im proud of these little snippets and i hope you all likes them as well :) #atla #avatar: the last airbender

[writingsfromhome]

Nuclear Family IV

Part Four: Birthdays and Broken Hearts

A/N: Strap on your seatbelts because this one has lotsa highs and lows!! Everyone might just be back to square one at the end.. (:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5

-------------------------------

Everything that could go wrong on Charlie's birthday, does go wrong.

One: I accidentally sleep in and by the time I'm up, Charlie is wide awake, playing with her stuffed animals on the edge of the bed while I hear muffled voices outside.

"Charlie when-what..." I check the clock, 9:12. Shit. "Charlie have you had breakfast already? I slept in."

Charlie shrugs. "Harry and Nana said to stay in the room."

I listen to what's going on outside, it sounded like balloons; I was supposed to get up early and get that done! I swear to myself. "Charlie stay here, I'll be back."

I do enough to look presentable and step out to the living room. Balloons and streamers cover every inch, surrounding a big birthday balloon in the centre, and a pile of gifts I'd kept hidden in Harry's linen closet ever since we got here are in a neat pile off to the side.

"Charlie said you wanted to sleep..." Harry says when he catches my expression.

“I...” I guess I did say that. I was still surprised she didn’t wake me out of excitement. “I meant to be up early and get started on all this thank you guys I...it looks...amazing. She’s going to love it!”

"It's nothing at all for my grandaughter," Harry's mom beams. "Bring the birthday girl out here!"

"Okay!" I squeal, excited for Charlie and trying to push away the guilt.

Two: Charlie doesn't look very excited. At all. I bring her out on my back, and although she smiles and thanks her Nana, she barely looks at Harry. She sticks by my side, and continues looking as somber as this morning.

"Something's upsetting her," I say to Harry as we reheat breakfast to bring it out. Charlie was being entertained by Harry's family at the table. "I don't know what."

"She's never like this," Harry agrees. We continue watching her interact with his mom. "Did she say anything to you?"

"No, she was so excited for her birthday yesterday. Do you think yesterday was too many people-"

"She loves new people."

"Ugh, I know! I tried to ask her this morning but she avoided the question. I don't know." I turn back to the coffee, watching the drip slow down. "Thanks for setting up this morning. I wanted to help but-"

"She's my daughter too." Harry says with a hand to my back. We stand silently like that, watching the coffee taper off before he speaks again. "I was up early anyway, I was excited to surprise her... I just wish we knew what was wrong."

"Are we getting breakfast anytime soon?" Gemma shouts out.

"Everybody but you," Harry calls out as he grabs the pot of coffee and heads out. I carry the plates and we settle around Charlie who perks up at the pancakes. But she's not as loud as she would be.

I try to ask her while everyone cleans up after breakfast but she stays mute on the topic. She get excitable with the presents again-presents I could only wish for as a child. She was spoiled, but loved. Everyone dotes on her, and I'm secretly glad Miranda wasn't in town. I knew Harry would've invited her otherwise. Although one of the gifts is from her, so in some way she was here whether I liked it or not.

Three: a tantrum thrown after lunch.

"I don't want it," Charlie pushes her food away. "I'm not hungry!"

I flush with embarrassment as Harry's family watches on. I was a mother who couldn't control her kid and they could all tell--they probably thought I was an awful mom.

"Charlie please," I beg. "We're going to the park after this, we can try your new scooter there. It'll be fun. You just have-"

"No!" She shouts.

"Charlotte," Harry tries his hand but she turns her back to him and crosses her small arms, shouting even louder.

"I'm sorry," I say to the table but they jump in, reassuring me it was fine which makes me feel worse. "I'm taking Charlotte to her room since she’s not being very nice, you guys enjoy the lunch without us."

I feel tears prick at my eyes. The hard part about being a single mom was always this: never feeling good enough. It was her birthday and I'd somehow screwed up. This was the reason for this whole trip and everything was going wrong.

I take her arm, and some deep breaths, as we head to the room where I sit her down and try to talk. That only leads to her crying like I was trying to rip Oreo right out of her hands. I hear Harry knock at one point but between trying to calm her down and not cry myself, I don't let him in. I finally get her to nap, so I close the blinds and turn the lights off. When I crack open the door, I’m surprised to find Harry sitting in front of the door. He quickly stands as I open it.

"I'm sorry," he whispers when he enters the dark room where our daughter naps.

"Why are you sorry," I sigh and lean against the wall, barely holding on. "I'm the one that screwed up somehow."

"No you didn't," he says immediately. "You're an amazing mum, Y/N. I'm the screwup, I didn't even know how to step in. I'm always the fun dad when she stays with me; I've never had to deal with this. You do it alone all the time. I'm sorry for...” Harry pauses, searching for the words. “for not being there."

All the frustration I feel swarms together, and I just cry, I don't even care at that point. Harry was right, I'd been doing this alone. And I was tired.

Immediately, Harry cups my neck and pulls me into his chest. I slip my arms around him like I’d done so often, many years before.

"She'll be alright, love." His words are something I know. But it was soothing to hear him say it. "M’sorry," he rubs my back in slow motions. "Just a bad day," he whispers again, kissing the top of my head. I don't know what was happening in the moment but I'm just too tired to put any energy into figuring it out. I listen to his reassuring whispers in the darkened room and believe him. I feel his lips brush hair, my temple, my cheek. I didn't realise until then how little I allowed this into my life. I was always trying to be the strong shield for Charlie. I missed being held.

Four: We move around each other, hands on hips, fingers threading through hair, lips on skin, cheek dragging against cheek; a wordless dance, him soothing, and me being soothed. We stop with our heads bowed, our foreheads touching; his hands cup my face, and our lips are a feather's touch away.

"I don't know how you do it Y/N," his thumbs stroke my cheeks. "You're phenomenal. And so beautiful. I let myself forget just how beautiful you are. But looking at you just breaks my heart sometimes."

The only sound in the room is our breathing, I can barely see his face in the almost darkness. His soft hands cup my face, his warm breath on my cheek. He was the only thing holding me up right now.

"Harry," I whisper the name that haunts me. His thumb brushes my lips. I sigh into his touch, leaning forward. He presses his lips to mine, softly and I time travel to a sweeter time.

When we pull away, I look into his eyes in the dim light but he keeps his eyes closed, saying my name in a hoarse whisper as he pulls me in again. I stop him though, I want him to look at me, see his eyes. Make sure he was okay with what we were doing right now, and he wasn’t just trying to relive the past.

"Y/N? Charlie alright?" A voice whispers from the sliver of open doorway. Harry and I jump away before we can go any further, and I wipe my cheeks quickly.

"Hi," I open the door wider, illuminating Harry. Gemma eyes him and then me. "We'll let her nap. Sorry about the fuss."

"Don't be. Will she be alright? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, we’ll be alright." I say. I lead everyone away without looking back. Lunch had already been wrapped up; I wasn’t as hungry anyway.

"Believe it or not Charlie is just like Harry was as a kid," Harry's mom joins the conversation as we settle with tea. "Big energy, big emotions. She'll be okay after her nap, you see."

"I hope so," I say. She pats my arm.

"I was probably worse," Harry tries to lighten the mood.

"Mmm yeah I think you were," Gemma scrunches her nose. They go off on one another, and I avoid Harry's eyes. Because in addition to the guilt I feel with Charlie, the guilt from what just happened is exponential. It eats away at me as I clean up, and any time Harry asks me a question and I have to pretend like nothing happened.

Harry’s family had only planned to stay the afternoon but seeing that we weren’t going to go out and we had our hands full, they get ready to head out. I wake Charlie so she could at least say goodbye.

"Are you going to behave?" I ask her once she's up. She gives a small nod. Her apology droops in her frown, and chubby cheeks. I hold her tight and accept it. When she returns, everyone is just as sweet and Harry’s mom was right. A nap settles her mood, and she kisses everyone goodbye. I notice she’s still cold to Harry and I still didn’t know why.

“And then there were three,” I say into the silence.

“Cake?” Harry asks me, I can barely meet his eyes as I nod.

We eat cake, and let Charlie be the centre of attention. Slowly she lightens up enough to head out as the sun dips lower in the sky. Harry carries the wine Miranda brought yesterday and a blanket, I hold the glasses and Charlie’s new sparkly ball while she tries out her scooter ahead. It all feels very normal. It’s almost funny.

We set up the blanket and pour the wine and watch Charlie make friends with a couple kids playing tag. I never wanted to hear her laughter as much as I did then, and hearing it as she ran around fills my heart.

“She’s got your laugh,” I turn to Harry. “Turns heads when she smiles.”

“You think?” Harry looks back out at our daughter, smiling at the idea. I hum in agreement and his smile splits into a grin. “And you think my smile turns heads?”

“Turned my head when we first met,” I shrug casually.

“Did it? This is the first of I’m hearing of it.” I can sense his giddiness.

“And this is the last you’ll be hearing of it.” I lean back, sipping my wine but I almost spill it as he lays his head down on my lap and looks up at me with his best puppy face.

“Please? I want to hear it.”

I look down at him, and remember how he used to love laying his head on my lap when we dated--he did it so often and I almost forgot that about him. I remember no matter where we were, he would just plonk his head down and continue on like it was normal, even when we were out with friends. I wondered if he did that with Miranda

A flick on my nose brings me back to the present and I roll my eyes. “It was at that party for something or some magazine, I don’t remember. I was touching up my lipstick or something in one of the mirrors and you were somewhere in the back. And you laughed at something your friend must have said and it caught my eye, I couldn’t look away. Especially since you were wearing this outfit that was so loud. So I turned around to really look at you-”

“Yeah I remember that night, and I saw this really attractive girl just watching me across the room. It was a bit creepy if I’m-ouch!”

“You’re not hearing anymore!” I throw back the rest of my drink and push his head off.

“I’m kidding! I’m just kidding, come on finish the story.” Harry sits up beside me, his body facing the opposite direction from mine so he can look directly at my face. He looked glorious in the golden sunlight--but I digress.

“You know the rest, you looked at me and I don’t know. I just knew I had to go over and talk to you. And you actually met me halfway, we really couldn’t keep our eyes off each other...and you asked if you could get me a drink-”

“Always a gentleman,” Harry interrupts and I roll my eyes again which Harry finds funny.

“The rest is history,” I motion to Charlie who was playing with the ball we brought. A bitter taste fills my mouth as the rest of the story replays in my head: moving to London, being head over heels, making it official. And then Hurricane Harry that followed when I found out I was pregnant.

“I guess I wasn’t always a gentleman,” Harry says seriously, as if he can read my mind. When I look at him, I can tell he does know what I was thinking--it must’ve shown on my face. We stare at each other, lost in time, until he reaches up to move a strand of my hair behind my ear. His eyes drop to my lips. I couldn’t do that, I look away and out to Charlie. She stands with her friends but she’s looking over at us. I wave and she slowly waves back, catching Harry’s attention. He turns around to face her and we sit in silence, watching Charlie until the sun sets and we head back.

My phone vibrates with a message as enter into the lobby. Marc. He was outside our door with Charlie’s present--we’d texted a few times since we bumped into each other. He understood we were keeping her birthday small with family but he insisted he get a present for her--and that I tell him exactly what she would love. I’d kept it a surprise for Charlie, knowing how much she adored him.

“Uncle Marc!” Charlie’s shrill voice echoes as she spots Marc with his wrapped box standing in front of our door. She drops her scooter and runs to embrace him. He scoops her up as if she weighed nothing.

“Hey,” I smile at Marc and he winks at me over her head. I notice Harry stiffening beside me, I guess it was just as much of a surprise to him as it was to Charlie.

“Harry, nice to see you again.” Marc greets Harry as Charlie slides to the floor with her new gift.

“Marc, didn’t realise you would be coming over.” Harry glances at me. “Did you want to come in for a drink?”

“No, I don’t want to interrupt family time.” Marc flashes his pearly whites. “Just wanted to make sure the birthday girl got her present in time.”

“How? How did you know it was my birthday?” Charlie looks up at him with wide shining eyes.

“A little birdy told me,” Marc taps his nose and looks up at me. I reach over to hug him, and whisper a thanks.

Harry unlocks the door but he doesn’t go inside. He watches as Charlie opens her gift, and I have to cover my ears from the high pitch squeal that comes out of her. I hadn’t seen her this lively since yesterday and suddenly I’m grateful for Marc.

“Thank you thank you! YourethebestuncleMarc!” Charlie hugs his leg and rushes inside to play with her new toy, past Harry who has now tilted the door open with one foot in.

“I think that’s the most excited I’ve seen her today,” Harry comments. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing, she’s a good kid.” Marc looks over at me, raising his eyebrow. He wanted to talk in private. I look up at Harry who finally gets the clue.

“I’ll uh-be inside.”

“How’ve you been?” Marc ignores him and grabs my hand to pull me closer to him. Marc never forgave Harry for how he treated me; he seemed to be the only person in my life who didn’t tell me to forgive him. He was a true friend to me all these years.

“Exhausted, Charlie was in such a mood this morning.” I shamelessly drink his face in. It had been a while.

“Sorry I couldn’t drop it off earlier, the weekend before we publish is always a nightmare. I’ve had, minimum, 5 coffees today.”

“Sounds like you could use some relaxation,” I say suggestively, leaning my arms on his shoulders and locking my hands behind him.

“I could,” he licks his lips. “You know someone who can help?”

“I do, she’d have to check her schedule though.” I smile. His eyes scan my face, smiling back. As he leans forward, before he could kiss me, I break away and walk around him to the door, the smile never leaving my face.

“I should go back in, Marc. Text me when you’re free this week so we can get together.”

“Have you always got to be such a bloody tease?” Marc exclaims and I can’t help but laugh. It was fun being with Marc, he made me feel like the Y/N before I became “mom”. I could vent and complain and flirt and tease him like I was still a 20-year-old with no responsibilities. He made me forget for a bit.

I leave a kiss on his cheek and head inside. Charlie is playing with her new toys and Harry is cleaning up some of the mess from earlier.

“Thanks,” I tell him, helping with some of the wrapping paper.

“I didn’t know you and Marc still talk.” Harry says immediately.

“Yeah,” I say. The waves of jealousy rolling off of him are so strong they’re almost visible. Which was weird considering he had a girlfriend who showed up constantly. “He crashed at my place last year-”

“Yeah yeah, I remember Charlie talking about him a lot back when he took her to Disneyland,” Harry cuts me off. “I didn’t realise you two were...”

Harry doesn’t finish the sentence and it irritates me. What did he care? I don’t respond and head back out to where Charlie’s playing instead. She barely looks up as I do, too involved with her toys.

When Harry joins us eventually, he tries to sit by Charlie, picking up one of her stuffed animals. “Did you have a fun day?” He asks.

"Yes. Thank you," she looks up at him, staring for a bit, her gaze goes down to the toy he's holding. "But I don't want to play with you."

"Charlie," I scold. "Why-"

"It's okay," Harry puts the toy down casually but I see the hurt he feels. "She wants her space, that’s okay."

"No, now way. I'm tired of this." I put my foot down. "Charlotte, look at me." She turns slowly, knowing my tone of voice meant she was in trouble. "What's going on with you? Why are you being so mean to your dad?"

She stares at Harry, drops her toys and stands up. I warn her not to go anywhere so she stands with her bottom lip quivering. "I saw you!" She finally shouts at him. "Y-you-you don’t love us!"

Harry and I glance at each other, confused. "Of course, Charlotte I-"

"No!” She’s now officially crying and shouting. Her emotions all over the place. All I can do is stare as I figure out what was happening. “You don’t! Stop lying!” Charlie’s words hardly come out through her tears. Harry tries to comfort her, telling her he did but she pushes him with all the strength in her little body and tries to leave but I catch her in my arms.

“Charlotte, honey, what are you talking about?”

She looks crushed as she heaves, turning to look at Harry before crying out, “He had a-a-sleepover! With Miranda! I saw! He’s lying mom!”

“I...” I look up at Harry who actually looks panicked, oh hell no. I let Charlie go and she grabs her stuffed animal to go with her.

"What did she see?" I ask once Charlie’s out of sight, my voice shaking. "What is she talking about Harry? What did she see? Did Miranda spend the night?"

"Yeah?" Harry looks like someone pulled the rug from under him and he was trying to find his footing. "I to-I told you! She had an early flight today, she slept over so I could drive her to the airport."

"You told me about her flight not that she was-"

"Y/N, she brought her suitcase! You saw her come in! I-I told you! I swear!"

"You. Didn't." Things start to make sense and I'm furious. Especially because Harry was now shouting at me too. "You didn't. Because if you had, I would have warned you to keep your door locked! You know well Charlie loves to wake you up at any hour Harry. You know she does! And we both agreed we didn't want her to see certain things. And now she has! All day she’s been-because of this!"

I see clearly now how Charlie was up so early, our bedroom door open. She woke me up asking if he loved her.

As hard as I tried to explain to her our first day here, she thought her mom and dad living under the same place meant they were together. And Harry broke her heart by showing her how not together we were.

"Y/N," Harry tries damage control. "I would never do something like this on purpose. I was careful when Miranda was around to stay appropriate. I didn't mean for her to see that!"

"Well she saw it!" I shout. I wasn't interested in what Harry thought or meant. "Charlie saw it, when she was excited to spend her birthday with her family! The point is she saw it and she's been off all day because of that! Jesus, and here I thought it was something I did-"

"I'm sorry-"

"I'm the wrong person to say that to!" I explode. "Do you know what she saw exactly? She was up at 6--Harry...something really upset her."

"I...well we got up then. She must've just heard our voices and come up and..."

I dread Harry's answer as he trails off, "What?!"

"I...Miranda's leaving for the week so...we were just--it was nothing beyond kissing her, I-"

"Shit," I sit down and rub my face. Charlie rarely got this upset and now it made sense. "I can't believe this."

"She's my girlfriend Y/N, how-"

"Didn't really seem like you cared you had a girlfriend this afternoon," I shoot back. My side was always Charlie's, and I could set this place on fire right now with my how angry I was.

"Y/N, you and me, we have history. It’s complicated--we have a daughter I...I never stopped having feelings for you. You know that..."

"No, stop right there Harry. I don't know that, and why should I? It didn't really seem like you had feelings for me when I told you I was pregnant. When I left, and you looked relieved to be rid of me-"

"How about when I flew to LA a few months after Charlie was born? Made sure my mum came with so you knew Charlie had a whole family here? When I held her Y/N, I knew I made the wrong choice letting you two go but I wasn't going to yank you around like that. I didn't want to confuse things. I let you go and I've regretted it for a long time."

"Bullshit! You never said anything to me--and I mean anything. Until now."

I stand up, look him square in the eye. He kissed his girlfriend this morning, dropped her off to the airport, and then kissed me in the afternoon. The magazines were right about the kind of guy he way, and I was a fool to find comfort in him. I was weak, and I’d let him take advantage of that. He couldn't even tell me all those years ago that he wanted me back! If he had, I would've said yes in an instant. I know that. He knows that; I was head over heels for him. But i know, and he knows the truth. He still never ready for that commitment. So he never said anything.

"Harry,” I say, still angry, but now a calm kind of angry. “Of course you love your daughter. And maybe you loved me once upon a time. But you never said anything back then because you didn't want commitment. You were afraid of it! Even now, you commit to one girl, and kiss another. It’s so...classic Harry Styles."

"That's bullshit Y/N, I'm telling you the truth here. Stop bloody psychoanalyzing me and just listen. Listen, I'm telling you how I feel Y/N. I’ve changed. I’ve done a lot of growing up" He runs his hands through his hair, "Y/N I-I’m sorry...I just...I don't know what to do here."

"Well what's new Harry?" I snap. "You didn't know what to do when I told you I was pregnant, and you don't know what to do now. The only thing you know how to do, it seems, is break our hearts."

"Y/N! Y/N that's not fair..." I try to walk away but he steps in front of me, pulling my hands to his chest. "Y/N listen to what I'm saying-"

"Don't," I push him off and leave to find Charlie instead. She's sat in bed mumbling to Oreo. When she sees me she apologises, but I wasn't upset with her. Somehow it breaks my heart further to put my issues aside and slip into mom mode, so Harry doesn’t become the Bad Guy. I explain to her how much Harry loved her, how we were her parents and loved her a lot, but we were separated. I made sure she knew that although Harry loved Miranda, he would always love his baby girl infinitely.

"But I want him to love you too," she says to me after listening quietly.These were the times when Charlie’s naive perspective broke me a little, knowing how young she was and how time changed us all.

"He does love me," I smile through the heartache. "We had you, right? You're proof of how much we loved each other. Of course he does hon. It's just...a different love now."

"Okay,” Charlie pauses to think. “I love you the most," she climbs atop me and squeezes me. It was the only truthful thing I knew.

"And I love you the most," I squeeze her back. It was the only other truth I knew.

Five: I let myself down, getting swept up in a man who couldn’t commit to me again. And the same man let our daughter down even if he wasn't trying. He’d done it before and so he did it again. And I should’ve seen it coming. So ultimately, it feels like I was the only one to blame.

“Hey hon,” I turn to Charlie after a while, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Remember how we were supposed to live separately when we got here but there was the big mistake? We did that so your dad and I...so this wouldn’t happen...”

I quietly explain to Charlie, and ask her if maybe we could move out. She could still stay with her dad when she wanted. She could go wherever she wanted.

“Do we get to ride the train?” She asks at last.

“Yes, if you want.”

“Mmmm,” she puts her serious thinking face on and I give her her time. Finally, she shrugs. “Do we have to fly the airplane back home?”

“No, we’ll still be in London. Close by.”

“Okay.” She says simply before turning back to Oreo and her other stuffed animals. I let out a sigh of relief. Y/N from two months ago, who planned this trip, was a lot smarter than I am now. I had to channel her and look for a place first thing tomorrow.

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fic #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfic #writingsfromhome #harry styles angst #dad!harry #can you believe this is just one day #finally getting the ball rolling #i'm just stuck on how to wrap this series up #like #the How #fic #and now i think there should be 2 more parts #unless i find a way to wrap it up on the 5th #yikes #brain dump

[mxpseudonym]

Just Good Business III

Pairing: Tommy x Reader

Reader Gender Expression: She/Her pronouns, “wife”

Summary: Reminding Tommy that he didn’t marry a fool was the greatest thing to happen to your bedroom.

Length: 1650 words (allegedly)

Warnings: 18+, sex, hints of rough sex, cursing, and as usual, underlying tones of forced/arranged marriage

A/N: There’s a forehead kiss and a sprinkling of Dom!Tommy in here for your patience! I am pretty sure I’m going to have this be a total of five parts. Part IV may not come right away because I’m in the middle of a WIP though.

Part I | Part II | Part IV

Reminding Tommy that he hadn't married a fool set several things in motion. First and foremost, you and Polly managed to successfully persuade your husband into conducting family business, not that it was hard. You knew London quite well, and one glance at the Eden Club's books had you asking Arthur if he could count to ten. Much of the above-board dealings in London were now your responsibility- properties, charities, and a social life that allowed you to see your friends more often.

Unfortunately, this meant regularly making the trip to Birmingham for the family meetings you'd been avoiding. It wasn't so much the meetings as it was Birmingham itself. One has no great hopes of Birmingham, as they say. However, there was a significant consolation that made it all worth it. 

Tommy Shelby, in action, turned you on. 

Actually, it was one of many things about Tommy that turned you on. With Tommy's guilt out of the way, you saw him around the house more. He came to bed, albeit late, nearly every night, and you got at least two breakfasts out of him a week. Along with finding that Tommy was much funnier than he let on when he wasn't talking about work, you also noticed that you had much in common. Tommy was as stubborn and prideful as you were. After six months, you still credited happenings between you with a desire to conduct good business- and business was excellent. Stubbornness, pride, your appetite for adventure, and Tommy's addiction to risk resulted in one shameless, exciting sex life.

You'd had partners before. Why deny yourself the world's physical pleasures? But while none could keep up with your desire to find and push boundaries, Tommy had mastered it. You thought you'd have to ease him into it, but it really just took you asking, "What are you going to do, Thomas? Spank me?" while bickering to get you on the same page. 

Not that Tommy wasn't enjoying himself as well. He'd met his match in his back talking, neck biting, hair pulling new wife he could hardly bring himself to say no to. What was coming to work late more often or your hands down his trousers while driving the Bentley in the grand scheme of things? 

So at the Birmingham family meetings, there was something about the way he was no-nonsense when he firmly told you where to sit and give updates when asked. If you were both being honest, while you loved taking orders from Tommy in the bedroom sometimes, you were on the fast track to giving them too. For now, you watched with thighs pressed together, and bottom lip pulled between teeth as he commanded the room. 

After Arthur wrapped up the meeting, you'd meant to mingle with your sister in law, but were quickly distracted. Ada didn't need to follow your gaze to know what was stopping you from listening to a word she said. 

"Good god, stop staring at my brother like that," Ada pleaded. You looked at her only long enough to say, 

"I almost wish I could say I was sorry." You had just caught Tommy's eye and smiled. "He can be quite good looking." 

"Ugh, okay, he's coming over here. I'm going to find Finn," Ada scoffed, then all but ran away only to have Tommy replace her.  

"Can I help you?" he asked, amusement evident in his voice. You chuckled and looked up at him.  

"You're already spoiling me, Mr. Shelby. What more could I ask for?" 

"I'm sure you have a list," Tommy said. You plucked his cigarette from between his fingers and took a pull.  

"As a matter of fact, I do."

"Should I make you beg for it?" 

"I don't beg," you said, defiant as ever. Tommy rolled his eyes but moved closer. You could feel the warmth of his wool suit, and it matched the heat that was rising to your cheeks. 

"Then what do you call what you were doing the other day in my office?" Tommy asked. You thought for a moment then smirked. 

"Minding my manners. Please and thank you, Sir," you said, making him laugh. 

"Oi, stop flirting on come on," John yelled in partial disgust from where the family was gathering near the door. 

"Yeah, yeah, we're coming," you shooed him. You gave Tommy a knowing look as you grabbed your bag to join the group at the Garrison. 

"Gonna tell me not to get any ideas?" He asked. 

"Of course not. Get as many ideas as you can from here to that pub." You pointed a stern finger at him. 

"Yes, ma'am." 

Tommy had long given up trying to get a grasp on what to expect from you. 

"God only knows what's going on up there," he'd say while tapping your temple. 

But nothing surprised him more than your absolute willingness to have him any time, anywhere. 

"Skirts hike up for a reason, Thomas," You once told him in the stables. Tommy had yet to find a good enough argument against that, so here you were, shushing him through breathy laughs as he almost tumbled into you. 

It was a busy night at the Garrison, and it wasn't hard to leave your group to find the back room. Now you were pressed up against a shelf that wasn't nearly sturdy enough. Tommy's pants were unbuckled in a hasty moment, and your knickers were pulled aside, and you were both stifling your moans. 

"Oh god, fuck, Tommy, how do you always feel so good?" You asked, your grip already in his hair. He groaned at the question and thrust deeper.  

"You're the one always warm and wet for me, aren't you?" He squeezed the flesh of your bottom, making you moan. He quickly relocated you further into the dark and onto a crate. "Such a naughty little thing I've got on my hands."  

"Just the way you like it." You bit his ear as you played with fire. His thrusts got hard and deep, earning more high pitched moans from you until he pressed a hand over your mouth. He kept his grip firm, just how you liked and spoke in your ear. 

"I'm giving you what you asked for with all of these people just out there. Do you want them to hear you?" He leaned back to see you nod. Of course, you did. Tommy shook his head as he chuckled. By the sound of your yearning moan, he just knew you were pouting beneath his palm.

"I know love, but when we get home, you can be as loud as you want. You can let the maids hear you, what was it? Minding your manners for me. How's that sound?" You accepted his counteroffer with a nod and was rewarded with Tommy moving his hand. He relished in the smeared lipstick that was now on your chin before adjusting his grip on you. 

"Now, be good, and stay quiet for me." 

Tommy had to give you credit for carrying out your version of quiet. You forfeited your usual words of encouragement and panted hotly in his ears, a whimper or moan periodically coming forth.  

"Tom," You pleaded his name under your breath. His grip tightened around your waist, and you knew it would bruise, which only shoved you that much closer to the edge.  

"That's a good girl," he praised you, knowing what it did to you. In this case, it made your thighs tighten around him. "So good, you can tell me where you want it. Should I make you walk around with me all over your face?" 

He felt you shiver and swallow a moan that came out like a sob. His thumb reached between them, and it only took a few circles of your clit to send you over. 

"Oh fuck," You bucked against him as you came. Tommy's eyes squeezed close while you kissed his neck. It was truly incredible, you had to admit. You knew he was close and you had to decide. "In me."

"In you?" He repeated, not fully registering anything as he got closer. 

"I want you in me, Tom. Please," you said again. You kissed him, then pulled back to look in his eyes. "I'm begging you." 

You loved watching him come undone. Even in the low light, you took in his parted lips, creased brow, and flushed cheeks. He rested his forehead against yours for a moment before you pulled away and began putting yourselves back together.  

"I'm excited to go home if you keep your word," you said, leaning against the crate while Tommy pulled out a cigarette. 

You quietly smoked and thought about how strange this was. Before it was sprung on you, being married was something you hadn't expected anytime soon. Being married to someone you actually enjoyed was a fate every woman you knew hoped for but knew not to anticipate. And here you were with both a marriage and an enjoyable husband. 

"What's wrong?" Tommy asked, tossing away his cigarette. He brought his hand up to stroke your cheek, but you caught it and observed the silver band around his finger instead, running your thumb over the metal. 

"Do you like this?" Your eyes lifted to meet his. "The ring?" 

The ring, the marriage, what was the difference? He smirked then turned his hand, interlacing your fingers. 

"So much that I think there must have been a mix up of fortune. A better man should have it, maybe." He said, then kissed your forehead and started towards the door. "Come now, I think I'll let you walk around with me dripping out of you for at least a half-hour."

"I may just have to give you a proper thank you on the ride home then, Sir." 

Tommy expertly ignored questions about his whereabouts from his brothers and knowing looks from his sister, all while holding your hand. You smiled to yourself and thought, 

I have a crush on you, Tommy Shelby. 

--

Tommy Tag List: @soleil-dor; @amysteryspot​

JGB Series Tag List: @biba3434

#Tommy Shelby Imagine #Tommy Shelby #Tommy Shelby x Reader #Tommy Shelby Fic #Tommy Shelby Smut #peaky blinders imagine #Dom Tommy

[lady-plantagenet]

What hasn’t already been said: The Spanish Princess 2

Episode 2: SOdden (or Sod ‘Em depending on your persuasion)

(Dont know how long I’ll be able to keep these puns up)

Catherine, like this woman, does not really fit into this era. But while this woman seems dropdead cool and at least looks the part, Catherine just...

To all those of you keen enough to have come back for another segment of ‘what hasn’t already been said: TSP’, as opposed to have just been scrolling when you see this - welcome back! (Scrollers you too <3)

To anyone who’s seeing this for the first time: what this is a list of observations, jokes, reactions and criticism which occur to me upon a rewatch. I wait every week until Saturday to do this so that I have had my fill of scrolling through the tag and aggregating what has already been said. I tried doing a whole spoof (here where I gave up 10% in) but tbh a) I don’t know the history well enough b) it’s more time consuming than I thought and c) this series is just not as funny or as crazy as TWQ, so it’s untenable. Having said that: This is not a hatepost. I’m not hatewatching this series and nitpicking on purpose but expressing my honest views and trying to find the good in it as well as the bad.

Without further ado...

First Scenes:

The baby cloth lifting into the ceiling of the chapel had nice ‘myth of the demon countess of Anjou (ancestress of the Plantagenets)’ vibes. I am 100% that was unintentional. I get this impression by the cringiness of the baby’s screams (what’s up with those sound effects? It sounded like a zipper).

Henry gives me such softboi vibes? It’s pleasing to me because it’s making me attracted to him as a viewer, but no good in convincing me this is Henry VIII.

I think Catherine’s exposition about how she feels is pretty ok actually, it’s fitting that she would feel anger.

CHARLES’ FATHER IS NOT MAXIMILIAN, IT’S PHILIP (or rather it was). ~~ A quick wiki search guyz, a quick wiki search. Ughh

Again with the whole everyone acting like Catherine is Queen. Can they cut it out? Also while we’re at it, what was Catherine’s attendance in councils even like?

The music was nice

Post Child announcement phase:

Oof I hate to say it but I lowkey wanted de la Pole back in this mother. Mainly because it would mean more Margaret Pole and by this point I am scared her storyline will fade in prominence now that there’s no longer a Yorkist subplot (showhorned as it was, it was the crowning glory of last season tied with Arthur x Catherine).

More x Maggie Pole and all of it over Seneca and learning :’). I already know this will be the best part of the episode.

‘We certainly know stoicism in our family’ ~ I guess she’s referring to Reggie? Because our boi Clarence was no poster boy for stoicism. Though could she be making an ironic reference to her father~?

Edmund de la Pole Debacle:

Well this convo at least passed the bechdel test.

Maggie and Edmund’s interactions here are touching. I know this plotline was rushed but I think it was just right to bring us back here for 5 min as a mournful throwback to the bygone era to which Maggie Pope belongs to and now continues to do so alone. It is emotionless and you can just feel how the York cause was hanging on by a tired old threat by that point.

Maggie Pole is becoming matronly now and I like this transition.

What bothers me about a lot of fans of Margaret Pole is that what they don’t realise is that she wasn’t all like ‘I want nothing to do with my family I’ll stay low and obscure’. While far more cautious than the likes of her ancestors, she did engage in land disputes with Henry VIII and was an outspoken supporter of Catherine and Catholic. Having her be a woman woth dubious loyalties towards the Tudors is accurate.

Scotland with Meg and Jammes:

LMFAO it’s like they read my mind when I spoke of how much I laughed when Meg was like ‘Alexander Steward you pig!1!!’ last episode.

Nice reference to Aulde Alliance

I like James.

Henry and Catherine on the balcony:

Was she commander of the forces? Was Howard appointed that? Regent she was, ok.

Charlotte Hope’s new hairstyles really suit her!

‘Will you please stop cursing’ agahsjdk ahah

No offence to women (of which I am one) but this comparison between childbirth and war is just... wrong. I know Starz think they are being smart but childbirth is far less impressive than winning or surviving a battle - comparing the two diminishes the bravery of soldiers. YET ,having said that, childbirth is necessary for our society whereas war is almost always futile and by comparing them, it wrongly represents violence as something inherently as natural to us as birth and continuing of civilisation. overall not a smart, respectful or accurate parrallel to make.

Meg and prep for invasion + Catherine in her weird armour:

So Margaret dreams that her husband is dead and bloody in her bed. Ughh show you neeed to get more creative. But I did like the whole ‘dreams are how our ancestors talk to us’ line from Angus Douglas.

Re: Meg in her beret... Why is Meg dressed like me going to the London shops in October? Digging the aesthetic but not sure about the accuracy.

Rich of Catherine to bring up Edmund.

Why is Ursula Pole crying??? What is all this to her really?

Did Howard just call the guard... sonny?? Is this some WW2 crossover?

Catherine - James and the tent parlay:

Did Catherine just insult Meg’s intelligence??

Also lmao I’m going to miss James.

Re: Howard saying ‘I’m not going to get insulted by a man wearing a dress’ .. UMMM Starz, you do know that just thirty years ago men were prancing about in dresses and leggings (essentially). From around the middle of the 14th century to the beggining of 16th century (if not earlier), Englishmen were also essentially prancing about in ‘skirts’.

Am I getting a weird cooperation-partnership vibe between Meg and James?

The Battle:

Charlotte Hope looks so good with the helmet, she’d really suit an english hood! Such a shame they won’t give her one!

Ewwww he’s eating mud, why?

Just standard battle scene. They are all the same to me no matter which movie.

Aftermath:

Jesus, I find the whole Meg crying over James IV so heartfelt ‘you arrogant bastard’ for some reason just came out so full of emotion. Can someone please explain why the hell I ship them more than Henry x Catherine?? Like how ??

Awwww Linna is sooooo adorable ughhh. Also this whole Catherine going into armour among all the women crooning over the children gives this adorable sense of Catherine boyish and bloodying herself out to protect their peace, idk. All I have to say is that these series is less eager to pitt women against each other than the previous. I think that’s a step forwards.

Also, good to see Catherine being modest about her victory so Henry can save face. Finally starting to seem like the real Catherine.

‘Go on you dog’ arghh ahah he sounds like some public school rugby lad egging his mate on.

Re: Wolsey cock-blocker; the real Catherine would know it was uncatholic to have sex when you were pregnant. Also Catherine is not technically speaking in confinement if she’s wandering about.

It’s nice to see Catherine sticking up for Howard, she at least learned to respect him during the battle.

I foresee Oviedo having enough of this Christian stuff and wanting to return to the berber domains (I suppose Spain is out of the question)

Knighting Ceremony:

Apparently Margaret Pole herself was made Countess of Salisbury during this same ceremony... right? @houseofclarence

Also Maggie Pole being like: “being a rebel is in my blood, or so they tell me”... gahhh what’s with these shows and the Clarence erasure? Can’t they make one bloody reference to her dad or grandad Warwick? Ugh. Especially with lines like this. Actually? You know what? Ignore my previous comment about the stoic remark and it being an ironic reference to Clarence. I put such subtlety above this show’s writers.

Catherine has a habit of going to the coldest places possible to lose her children...

Haha @ Henry asking Bessie Blount (of all people) where Catherine is.

Conclusion:

6/10

What I’m happiest about is that Flodden got dealt with in one episode because warrior xena Catherine is not what interests me most about this show. Having said that, it was a true shame that James IV died because his were some of the best scenes. This whole show is starting to feel so historical fantasy-ish because the aesthetics are so confused. Granted it’s still pretty (not eyesore like Reign) but it doesn’t penetrate.

I am as always invested in the Poles (and More) but am also starting to get attached to Princess Mary whose actress exudes plenty of charm. This show remains confused with its feminist message because while it shows women being proactive there is so much emphasis on babies that what remains with the mind after watching is this womanish birthdrama, as opposed to a show about struggles which affect both genders.

You might tut at me and say I’m being ridiculous and that it is historically accurate to put so much emphasis on women’s babies and I say that’s swell. I would happily watch a show where that element is strong (most pre 1995 historical dramas are like that with traditionally feminine characters and I gulp them up like sustenance), but if a show promises feminism and women-men being partners I want it to deliver that properly. As I said in my previous post, why do we keep trying to make women engage in acts like war as if such an abhorrent act is the only way to take them seriously? I await the day where cunning, rationality and cool-headedness will be the traits portrayed as feminist ones.

There is nothing else to really comment on... the only potentially deeper message in this is the gender discourse. I am unsure about the accuracy so I can’t speak of the historical value of the interpretation. But what I will say is that though I remain excited for each new episode... I’m just not as invested as I was in TWQ (rewatch every year dont @ me) or TWP despite their many flaws. Some characters pull me in eg Maggie Pole (Carmichael is a bae), Thomas More etc but not the whole cast like TWQ. Anyway... would be interesting to see if anything happens with Lina and Oviedo tommorow as their storyline is conspicuously slow.

#the spanish princess #the spanish princess 2 #fool if you thought I wouldn't jump on the whole 'being a rebel is in my blood' opportunity to bring up Clarence #I was delighted last time when people left comments and stuff #rofl #so yeah #Please please I love discussions and do not think twice before sending me an ask or commenting ! #lady plantagenet's series reviews #the dialogue remains a bit trite #the sugared grape counterpart for this episode was edmund's death and the whole ironic reference to Senenca and stoicism #not because the dialogue around edmund's death was particularly poignant but how conspicuously quiet and swift the whole affair was as #...as compared to previous york pretender plotlines left a mournful note #basically I feel like I keep focusing on stuff the show doesn't want me to focus on #and am projecting therefore

[thequeenb]

Lost love (part 3)

Pairings: KamilahxMC

A request from anon

She feels her body light and her knees feel weak. Did i just jump? She thought to herself but she was brought back to reality at the sound of her phone ringing, of course

She took a step back, her heart was racing what was i thinking? Her hands were shaking with horror when she realized what she was about to do. How could she ever be this way? Life was precious for her, she always wanted to live a full long life but all the pain made her wish she wasn't born at all

She reached to her pocket thanking whoever called her, but watching the screen she frowned at the number she didn't recognize. Maybe it was Lily or her mother, anyone who worried enough for her well being

So she picked it up, trying to calm herself and make her voice steady, she didn't want anyone to come after her after all.

"Hello?" She casually said, hoping the person on the other line doesn't hear how fast she was breathing

But there was silence and she could have sworn she heard a breath catch on the other line. Maybe it was the wrong number. She was about to hang up when a voice stopped her

"Amy.." Kamilah whispered, her voice full of emotions

She froze at the sound of the sweet melody she could recognise everywhere. Maybe she is imagining things. Maybe her depression finally got the best of her

She would always hear Kamilah's voice in her dreams, feel her fingertips dance on her skin but this time it felt real, and so she let it sink in her heart

"W-who is this?" she asked hesitantly

Again silence.

"Ugh this is ridiculous" she said angrily hanging up. She couldn't believe that she actually started to see illusions and hear things. Sighing she got up only to fall to her knees.

She was weak, all the events came crushing to her at once. How could she handle this loss? This pain? They are safe and sound and thats what should matter but she couldn't bear it.

She wanted to cry but her eyes were dry after all the times she stayed up crying. So she screamed so loud until her lungs gave up and all she could do is try to breathe holding her chest tight.

___

Kamilah lowered her phone looking at the ground lost in her thoughts, trying to wrap her head around on what just happened

"What happened?" Adrian put his strong arm on her shoulder trying to give her courage.

"She..i..i am foolish" her voice was shaky yet sure "she hang up, she said murmured some things about seeing and hearing ghost i--"

He frowned trying to understand what was happening but it was impossible to understand the whole story when something is missing

"Ugh something is missing Adrian i feel it in my guts" she said skeptical, trying to find a lead to start solving this painful mystery

"Go rest, we can talk about it tomorrow with a clear mind"

She nodded and head to her apartment tired and torn apart. She hate the fact she can't remember, there are bits and pieces of memories, of feelings but nothing more.

Soon enough she entered her apartment looking around and walking towards the bar to grab the bottle of whiskey. She didn't even bother to pour herself a glass, she just took a long sip letting the bitter alcohol calm her thoughts.

Her eyes stopped at the living room, something trying to creep inside her mind. She closed her eyes letting that feeling guide her.

"Its just funny you know" Kamilah said taking Amy's hands on her own

"I know that look on your eyes" Amy smiled enjoying the affection she was not used to get from her

"I just..i am glad you are with us, with me" she now held her hand more tight letting her eyes linger on Amy's lips then her eyes

Amy took a moment to speak again, letting those words warm her heart "There is nowhere i would rather be"

"Really?" A surprised tone entered her tone, a vulnerability she wasn't used to

"No" Amy said with a serious tone

Kamilah arched her brow looking intensly at Amy's eyes

"Of course silly" she kissed her tenderly, letting herself get lost in eachother's warmth

When she opened her eyes they were wet, fresh tears running down her face she didn't even realize she had. She walked towards the couch letting her hand touch everything she passed through.

Her hands stopped at a pillow that she firmly held tight against her chest letting all the frustration and sadness finally get out. She sobbed and punched the couch so hard it almost broke.

"Give me a sign.. a god damn sign!!" she said looking at the big window Infront of her, hoping the next day will bring more hope.

___

She walked by the river, letting the cool air hit her face. She felt so detached from everyone that she almost jumped when she felt a lingering touch on her shoulder. She turned around only to see no one.

Great another mind trick ugh

She let out a heavy sigh cursing the universe for letting her get though so much pain. But then she felt the same touch, this time on her waist

Please stop she thought taking a deep breath

Meanwhile

She couldn't sleep that night, her memories still fresh, still trying to understand the meaning of all this. Her train of thoughts stopped when she felt fingertips dance on the back of her neck

Alarmed she turned around, her fangs bared only to see the empty bed she was sleeping in. What is happening?

Maybe she started going crazy. Tired she curled up in her bed again looking at the celling, her eyes lost and empty. Before she closed her eyes she whispered "I will find you" hoping Amy somewhere out there could hear her.

___

Amy wrapped her hands around herself and walked towards her small apartment lost in her own world as always but something felt different inside of her.

A force of air got passed her hair and she could have sworn she heard Kamilah's voice whispering gently to her.

She ignored it, trying not to pay attention to the weird events that just happened. But little did she know, if something is meant to be, there is nothing that could prevent it from happening.

Tag list: @scarlet-letter-a0114 @nydeiri @onyxgaytrash @thepotatobleh @mrskamilxh @littlemissgreen97 @ilovetaylor13m @sayeedbound @wildsayeed @trouble-with-the-curve @blackphenix9527 @la-guera-69 @lightning-fury @gavryllo

#kamilah x mc #kamilah sayeed #bloodbound #choices fanfiction #bb fanfic #bb #bb kamilah #choices kamilah #kamilah is my queen

[laketaj24]

Firsts IV: Oh We Got Beef?

Author’s Note: Megan the Stallion is the shit. Her nasty self has me motivated. Sooo uhhh here’s some smut! It’s a continuation of this series tagged below. Taglist Open! Requests open but no lie I’m slow.

Warnings: Argument, Daddy Kink

Pairings: College!Erik X WOC!Reader,

Requested by Anon: Erik establishing he's daddy in subtle and not so subtle ways until he finally has a convo and claims me in that dom voice is A FANTASY/DREAM KINK

Firsts Masterlist

Erik has a tendency to take over the stereo every time he got in the car. It was cute at first, but this morning all you wanted was to not hear rap music while pushing off a migraine. “Can we not?” You felt the side eye. But he didn’t stop strolling through the music. “What’s up with you this morning?” “Tired of hearing woke music when all I want is a biscuit and some coffee.” You change the song. The soothing beat of Cyanide by Daniel Caesar floods the car and you lean back against the plush leather seats. “So you wanna listen to this sleep ass nigga?” “Don’t.” You try to stop the argument. “Can we just be friends this morning?” “Nah.” He hits the switch on the stereo adjusting in his seat to look at you. “Let’s just talk.” Shit. Here he go. He’d talk and when you voiced your opinion it was a damn problem. “So you like this dude who ain’t shit, smooth as voice stands for anything. But I can’t listen to Chance.” “I could have went to get food myself.” “Not an answer to my question.” “Not everything is about being woke. I like Daniel because he can freaking sing. Case closed.” You roll the window down. “Do you want this damn biscuit or not?” He scoffs, dropped mouth and his eyes narrow at you. “I’m good.” “Cool.” You start the order totally unfazed that he was staring you down. “Can I get one large Caramel Ice coffee and a large hash brown.” “Sure thing, is that all?” The woman was chipper. “Yes maam.” You smirk at Erik who is now in his phone mumbling incoherently at you. The line was long, the awkward time in the car passed by with you tapping your fingers on the steering wheel and singing along merrily. “So you mad?” Erik said placing his phone down. “I am happy as hell.” “Yeah, sure you thing you are.”

Petty fights had started once you two were comfortable. Every now and then you would ignore them but Erik never ignored the pettiness. He dwelled in it. The ride home was filled with Daniel and then 6Lack. So you called it a success walking to your apartment with him in tow. You eat, all while he is engrossed in this damn game system. “You’re not gonna talk?” You sink into the couch next to him, pecking his arms with your lips and then leaning into him. “Nah.” “Why? Mad over a nigga that ain’t did nothing to you.” “I ain’t mad at you. I’m cool. You the one getting loud.” Erik never stopped playing the game. His hands went one hundred miles per hour clicking the keys pissing you off with each damn click. “I’m Gucci.” “Nah.” You mock him. “You so damn ugh,” Your fingers push the top of his head. “You can play yah damn game at home. Bye.” “So you kicking me out?” “You playing the game?” You stand in front of the TV with your arms planted firmly on your hips. The game stops and he looks amused. “You think you run this shit huh?” “This my house. You can go. And you know what, since we being petty take all you shit too! I can watch the damn screen by myself.” Erik laughed. “What the fuck is funny?” Perhaps it was instincts but your eyes blinked at him and you sucked your teeth and before you could think he was up from the couch crowding you. “What!” Usually you backed down from him. His muscled body intimidated you sometimes, but not this time. You didn’t give a damn. Fuck him. “I ain’t scared of you.” “Nah, don’t look like it huh? But I got something for that ass.” “What?” “Say what again.” “Wh-,” his full lips were on yours right as your back was pushed against the wall and his hands were wrapped in your hair. You push back on him and your hand connects with a sting on his cheek. He bites his lip and the look is carnal, you’d gone from girlfriend to prey in five seconds. You raise your hand again and he grips it pulling the other one with it over your head. “You done fucked up now.” “What you gone do!” “Oh, so we got beef?” There were no words as he slung your body over his shoulder as if you were a damn rag doll. Your fists hit his back over and over until you hit the bed. “You talk to yo daddy like that?” “I’ll say whatever the fu-.” His hands crash down on your thighs sending a warm sting down your legs and to your pussy. “Yeah that’s what I thought, shut that shit up. You don’t run this.” He sunk to his knees pulling your thighs to the edge of the bed. It takes all of two seconds to slide the shorts from your body.  “No panties, you knew what was up.” His soft lips pepper the kisses up your leg and you push him away. Serves no purpose as he makes his way up to your pussy. His soft lips suck on your clit and the fight is damn near out the window. Your fingers invade his hair, the small dreads intertwined in your fingers as your thighs lock around his head. If this was punishment you needed to hit his ass more often. His tongue delved inside of you and your teeth sink into your lip. He flicked and swirled causing small moans to pulse through you. The sounds alone were enough to nearly get you there. He was eating like you were his last meal. “Fuck Daddy.” His fingers push into your thighs as he pushes your legs back on the bed and you can’t help but roll your hips on his face. He groans, his deep voice rumbling in your inner thigh. he slurped your juices taking anything that was left as he came up for air only to start again. “You like this shit don’t you, you wanna nut?” He whispered, kissing your thighs again before taking another flick at your clit. “Huh?” “Yes.” He lifts up and his three fingers slap down on your clit and the pleasures fades into a deep hum of pain. “Nah, fuck that. Only good girls cum, stand up and bend over?” Your eyes buck as he lifts the shirt over his head and throws it to the ground and then he slides the gym shorts next. Erik was rigid in front of you, his dick throbbed as he started to stroke from hilt to tip. The adrenaline flooded your body, partially arousal but mainly fucking fear. “What you look scared for? Bend that ass over.” “I ain’t scared of you.” “I don’t want you scared. I want an apology.” His hand cups your thighs and then he flips you over. He slaps down on both cheeks and you feel your ass jiggle right before his warm dick slides down the line of your ass to your pussy. There was no denying you were wet for him. “You wanna apologize.” The hilt of him slaps up on your pussy and instinctively you throw yourself back on him coating him with you arousal. “Nah.” You say once agin mocking him from earlier. His head pushes into you and then he steps back falling out of you. “You right, you don’t want this shit.” But you did, you clenched aching for him. You arch your back and he does nothing. “Why you got me in here if you ain’t gone do nothing Erik.” “What’s my name again?’ “You heard me.” “I heard wrong.” Erik’s voice is playful but the way his fingers plunged into you wasn’t so playful. He pushes you face down into the covers and plunges his fingers back into you three more times and then he’s gone and you can hear the foiled paper rattling behind you. “That mouth so reckless here lately.” He spread your lips tapping his cock on your clit a few times and then he pushed into you, flesh to flesh. He was so deep your gasp couldn’t even escape as you headed into the plush pillows. The clapping between the both of you is all you can concentrate on as his hips slam onto yours. “Fuck!” You moaned. Each time he pushed into you, the strangest ping with through your body, as if you were about to explode and he just started. His hands push at the nape of your back and you arch for him. He’s deeper. Pounding against your ass and you feel yourself meeting him with each stroke. “You like this dick don’t you.” Fuck an answer. You thrust on him, longing to keep him deep inside of you. This might have been what you needed anyway, a good fuck. Both his hands grip your ass and he guides you onto his dick. He eager watches himself slide into you deep and then back out like it’s his favorite movie. He’s faster pushing you further up the bed. He falls with you, only his hand is around your neck, gripping you as if you were his anchor. Your moans were muffled but you were still loud enough. Your body grew closer. Your legs shook and eyes rolled as he continued to fuck you. “Every time you talk back this the shit I wanna do to you.” His hand tightened and the air left the room but your body tensed and then exploded. Your vision speckled with spots and your back fell limp, as did your legs. Pleasure waved through you. Erik pushed through your orgasm. His teeth sink into your shoulder and tense again. In one motion he flips you to your side pulling your leg up to go deeper and he’s drilling. Your tits bounce with each pump while your hands grip the sheets trying to find some sanity in the madness of his fucking. It feels as if he fucks you forever as he chases in his own nut. Your body misted in sweat, the sheets drenched with the both of you as he does finish, pulling out of you spilling into the condom. Fights worked in your favor sometimes because he could say whatever he wanted that wasn’t a punishment. You two lay in each other’s arms staring at the white ceiling with heavy breathing. Erik slides from the bed putting on his clothes. “Where are you going?” You smiled. “Home.” He smirked. “Why?” “Oh shit, forgot to tell you. I don’t sleep with people I have beef with, I fuck with you… but not sleep. I’m still not over that nasty ass attitude. I’ll let you think on that shit.” “You can’t leave.” “Take yo game and all yo other shit.” He said mocking you. “I’ll holla.” He turned swinging his shirt over his shoulder. “Call me when you get some act right.”

Black Panther Taglist:   @wakanda-inspired | @misspooh @valynsia @whoramilaje @harleycativy @virgosapphire79 @sparklemichele @theunsweetenedtruth @marvelpotterlove  @ahhhhkeya  @iamrheaspeaks @thiccdaddy-mbaku @muse-of-mbaku @myboyfriendgiriboy@someareblindtoitsbeauty @brittyevans @almostpurelysmut@readsalot73 @ivarsshieldmadien@slimmiyagi @cinnabearice@royallyprincesslilly@hutchj @im5ftbutmythroat66 @igetcarriedawaywithyou@madamslayyy @bartierbakarimobisson @killmongersaidheyauntie @babygurlniah43 @thehomierobbstark

#erik killmonger x fic #erik killmonger smut #erik killmonger fic #erik killmonger imagine #erik stevens smut #erik stevens x reader #erik killmonger #black panther fan fiction #woc fanfic #laketaj24 #laketa j writes

[lamptracker]

FIC: Counting Down the Days (part 1/?)

Here we go with part 1.

FIC: Counting Down the Days

Pairing: Peter Parker/Female Reader

Inspo: “Cancer” by My Chemical Romance

Summary:  While visiting a children’s hospital as his alter ego Spider-Man, Peter meets a girl his age. She’s sweet, she’s smart, she’s funny… and she’s dying of cancer. When she laments the fact that she probably won’t get to live long enough to have the typical teenage experiences of prom and a boyfriend, Peter offers to fill those roles for her.

Warnings: Talk of death. The usual cursing (he is from Queens). Endgame spoiler. 

Tagged: @flokidottir-imagines-br  @babyplutoszx2   @musiclover1263   @judemoos   @drxgxnslxyer   @hollanderheart   @thequeensardine   @ive-got-some-lies-to-tell   @captainbuckyy   @xxtomxo   @deleteidentity   @yessterekthings   @itsyaspacemom   @upsidedownparker   @starksparker

(if I tagged you and you don’t want to be let me know, k?)

**

“Mr. Spider-Man! Mr. Spider-Man!”

A boy, about five years of age, ran full-tilt down the hall at St. Mary’s Children’s Hospital; he only stopped when he ran smack-dab into a pair of blue and red legs.

“Oh!” Peter Parker, known to many as Spider-Man, looked down at the small boy hugging his calf.

Peter had recently decided to give back to the community he helped keep safe. His aunt May had suggested going to a children’s hospital in uniform, to help brighten the patients’ spirits. St. Mary’s was the closest, so he tried that one; he soon fell in love with the small patients there.

“Hey, DeMarcus! How’s it goin’, buddy?”

“Guess what, Mr. Spider-Man!” DeMarcus’s little brown eyes gleamed under the harsh fluorescent lighting. “The doctors say I’m all better! I have something called re...re...  ugh, Mommy, what was that word?”

“Remission,” DeMarcus’s mom said, smiling widely.

“Yeah, that. But I get to go home, Mr. Spider-Man! Isn’t that awesome??”

Peter held out his gloved hand for a high-five, crouching down so he and DeMarcus were eye level. “That is so awesome, dude! I think that calls for a high-five.”

DeMarcus giggled as he returned the high-five. “I’m going to miss you, Mr. Spider-Man.”

“I’m gonna miss you too, buddy. I’m sure I’ll see you around, though.”

“Mommy! Can you take a picture of me with Spider-Man?”

DeMarcus’s mom pulled out her phone, snapping a few pictures of the two of them together. “Thank you for doing this,” she said. “It really made him happy, that a real superhero took time out of his day just to come see him.”

“The pleasure’s all mine, Ma’am, really. DeMarcus is a good kid, I really am going to miss seeing him. Hey, buddy, can I get a hug?” Peter asked, crouching down again.

Wordlessly, DeMarcus flung his arms around Peter. “I love you, Mr. Spider-Man.”

Peter chuckled. “Love you too, buddy. I’ll see you, okay? In the meantime, be good for me. Study hard in school and stay out of trouble.”

DeMarcus nodded, firmly grasping his mother’s hand. “Mommy! I can’t wait to go back to school and tell everyone I’m friends with Spider-Man!”

Peter chuckled as he walked down the hall.

“Is that everyone?” he’d asked a nurse.

The nurse checked her chart. “I know you don’t normally go there, but you could visit the teen wing, maybe? It’s not usually very full, which is why we don’t usually have you go there. But… we have had one patient in there for a while now. Would you like me to see if she’s up for a visitor?”

“Sure.” As the nurse walked down the hall, Peter sat down in a chair. “Karen, any messages for me?”

“Text message from Science Bro Shuri. Displayed or read aloud?”

“Displayed is fine, thanks, Karen.”

Hey Spider-Doofus. When you get done there, come by the lab. Got a little something for ya

Peter chuckled. Probably a suit upgrade, again. Ever since she came to America to work for Stark Industries, carrying on Tony’s work, she had been upgrading his suit at every opportunity.

“Follow me,” the nurse said. Peter followed her down a hallway, into a room on the corner; the nurse peeked her head in. “(y/n)? You ready for your visitor?”

“Sure. Forgot to ask who it is, though.”

“It’s Spider-Man.”

A chuckle. “Is it really Spider-Man, or is it just my uncle Leo in a rented costume again? Because that was kind of a bummer.”

“It’s the real deal, (y/n). Can he come in?”

“Make him prove it,” the girl called out skeptically.

Without another word, Peter shot one of his webs through the crack in the girl’s door.

A long pause, then: “Yes, I’d love to see him.”

Peter laughed as the nurse opened the door wider, allowing him access. He paused at the end of the girl’s bed.

She was thin, not painfully so but definitely thinner than she was supposed to be. Her hair had all fallen out, but based on the pictures littering her nightstand and taped to her walls it had been (y/h/c). But the thing that struck Peter the most was -

“Holy shit, you’re my age,” Peter breathed.

The girl chuckled. “Yeah, I- wait, what?”

“How old are you, anyway?”

“Seventeen.”

“Me too.”

“No way, really?”

The nurse had left at this point; Peter closed the door behind her and webbed it shut for extra insurance. “You cannot tell anyone about this,” he said.

The girl scoffed loudly. “Probably in this joint for the rest of my life,” she said, almost bitterly. “And I practically have nobody. Who am I going to tell?”

“You… well, we’ll get to that, hold on.” Peter carefully removed his mask, looking at her; he ran a hand through his thick auburn curls.

“Wow, you’re cute,” she mumbled to herself; Peter laughed. “Do you, uh, do you live around here?”

“Sort of. I don’t know you from school, though, where’d you go?”

“Townsend Harris. Where do you go?”

“Midtown.”

The girl laughed. “Ah, smart guy, huh? You know I missed getting in there by like three points? I got held back in fifth grade, because I missed so much school when I got sick the first time. It’s a long and winding explanation but to sum it up, it’s cancer. My name’s (y/n), by the way.”

“I’m Spider-Man. But my real name’s Peter, Peter Parker.”

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Peter Peter Parker.”

Peter smiled warmly at her. “So… what do you mean, you have practically nobody?”

(y/n) sighed. “Well, my dad left when I got sick the first time. Said having a sick kid was causing too much stress on him, turns out he’d been cheating on my mom since I was four. Um, he pays child support but it’s not much so my mom works two jobs just so she can pay for my bills. If she’s not at one of her jobs, she’s here. But she works such crazy hours that she’s not here as much as she wants to be. I don’t have any siblings, both sets of my grandparents are dead. I have cousins but they live in Maine.”

“Any friends?”

“Oh, sure. They come by once in awhile, but they never stay long. I know being with someone who’s dying is kind of a bummer. I’m still in the group text and on Snapchat, but it’s hard watching someone live the life you’re supposed to be living, y’know?”

Peter just nodded solemnly.

“I’ve had this twice before,” she added, “and I’ve beaten it both times. But this time, it’s spread too far and my body really can’t handle anymore chemo, so… I’m just around until I’m not around anymore, I guess.”

“Wow,” Peter said. “That is incredibly not fair.”

“Tell me about it. My friends are all stressed out about their SAT’s, what college they’re going to pick, and here I am wondering if I’m going to live until dinner.” (y/n) puffed her cheeks out, exhaling slowly. “That’s dramatic, I’ve got at least a month or two but you know what I’m trying to say. But anyway, prom is in a few weeks and they’re texting me pictures of their dresses and they’re all going to look great.” She smiled sadly.

“But you’re not going to get to go,” Peter said softly.

“Nope. That’s the thing that sucks about this the most. They get to have lives, Peter. They get to go on dates, have boyfriends, go to prom. I won’t get to do any of that.” A tear slid down her cheek; she hurriedly wiped it away. “I’m sorry, you came in here to cheer me up and now I’ve bummed both of us out.”

“No, no, it’s okay! It’s okay.”  Peter smiled at her warmly.

But the wheels in his head were turning. And once they’re in motion, he finds it very hard to get them to stop...

“Hey,” he said finally. “What if I did that?”

“What if you did what?”

“Well, I-I know you can’t leave, right? But maybe… maybe you could have a date? In here? With me? And-and maybe we could have our own tiny prom?”

(y/n) scrunched up her face in confusion. “You just met me, you’d do that just for me?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Because you’ll get attached,” she said simply. “And then I’ll be gone, and then you won’t know what to do?”

Peter laughed bitterly. “You think I’ve never lost anyone close to me before?” he asked, voice tinged with sadness. “Let’s see, I’ve lost… um… both my parents. My uncle Ben - who I watched get shot, by the way. And you’ve heard of Tony Stark, yeah?”

“Yeah. That was so sad, I… oh, no.”

Peter nodded. “He was my mentor, the closest thing I had to a dad since Uncle Ben died. And I watched him die too. So… I’m sort of used to it.”

“God, Peter. I had no idea, I’m so sorry.”

Peter shrugged. “Eh. You never know what’s going on with a person just by looking at ‘em, y’know? So, um… what do you say, huh?”

“You can't fall in love with me.”

“I can’t promise that, I fall in love very easily. I almost married a key lime cheesecake last week. Our children would have looked really weird.”

(y/n) laughed slightly. “You know what? Okay. Let’s do this. What have I got to lose, huh?”

“That’s the spirit.” Peter winked at her; they both burst into laughter. “Okay, um… I have robotics club tomorrow after school, and then I need to-”

“Robotics club? God, my fake boyfriend is such a fucking nerd.”

“And my fake girlfriend is really fucking mean.”

(y/n) started laughing again.

“But anyway, I can’t come by tomorrow but I can the day after? I’ll bring coffee, where’s your favorite coffee place?”

“I always like Rosita’s on the corner of 41st Street and 43rd Avenue?”

Peter nodded. “You got it. I’ll text you when I’m close to there, you can tell me what you want when I get there.”

(y/n) grinned slightly. “Well, Peter Parker, how you gonna do that without my phone number?”

Peter cocked his head to one side in confusion, then laughed. “Ah, (Y/n) used flirting! And… it’s super effective! You do raise a good point, um… can I see your phone?”

(y/n) nodded, handing him her phone; he programmed his number into it quickly. “Here, I’ll just text you so you have mine, I… it’s complicated, I…”

“Phone built into your suit?”

“My fake girlfriend is really smart too.” Peter shook his head as he dissolved the webs holding her door shut. “Okay, so… see you in a couple of days?”

“I’m really looking forward to it, Peter. Bye. Great Pokemon reference, by the way.” She waved slightly as Peter returned the gesture, then slipped his mask back on as he walked out the door.

“I don’t know what you two were talking about in there,” the nurse said as Peter stepped out of the room, “but that’s the most I’ve heard her laugh since she’s been in here. I think that’s just what she needs right now. You will come by and see her again, right?”

Peter laughed. “I promise.”

He thought about that old adage - To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

He’d only known (y/n) for about a half hour, but he already knew her world had been filled with hospitals and sadness. He hoped that he could make what was left of her world a little bit brighter.

#peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #counting down the days

[bluebearial]

The Yard Sale

YO SO I UHHH wrote a story for Lupa and Sam, the two dudes ive been postin about lately. Basically how they got together 👀

Summary: Sam buys a plush from a mysterious yard sale in hopes of getting over her fear of the dark, gets more than what she bargained for.

Words: Just shy of 5k (Also click here for the GDocs version ‘cause posting stories on Tumblr is WEIRD)

“I’m sure your kid will love it!”

I grumbled as the old lady’s words ran through my head. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit insulted. Stuffed animals weren’t just for kids! Probably.

Whatever.

It wasn’t like that old creep had to know why I needed it anyway. I looked down at my toy as I approached a crosswalk. For a plush, it was actually quite large, reaching up to my neck as I held it to my chest. It looked like it was meant to be a wolf, judging from its pointed ears, tufted cheeks, and bushy tail. Noting the various stitches and patches that covered its body, I had to admit - it looked like it had seen better days too.

“Hey Sam!” I flinched as I heard someone call from across the street. It took me a second, but I soon spotted Fred, a lanky fellow I knew from work. He usually got on around the time I’d be heading home, which would explain why he was there. “What’s that you got there?!”

“None of your business, Fred!”, I called back, “It’s just a dumb plush!” The crossing signal turned green, allowing me to continue my journey home. I grumbled as I briskly shuffled past Fred, trying my best to keep the plush out of sight. He looked a bit hurt. He probably wasn’t used to me being so indignant, but I assured myself that I had my reasons.

…Actually that was pretty rude. I made a note to apologize when I could.

Regardless, I just didn’t want to talk about it! It wasn’t like he was a bad guy either. He was… okay. I think. He was just a bit weird, and the last thing I wanted to hear was a flurry of questions as to why I was carrying a stuffed animal. It was so embarrassing - searching online, finding a yard sale where I could get one, and walking eight blocks down so I could actually get it. All because I was afraid of the dark.

As embarrassing as it was, it was true. For some reason, it was something I never grew out of. In middle school, high school, even in college, I was always that one nerd who couldn’t handle a little darkness. It just freaks me out, not knowing what’s out there.

I began to hurry along as the sun slipped behind the trees lining the road, leaving the street in a dim, purple light save for the glow reflecting from the tops of some nearby houses. I used to be able to live with my fear too, I’d feel an overwhelming sense of dread – even within the comfort of my own home.

Speaking of homes, I took a cautious glance back as I reached mine. It wasn’t like I lived in a bad neighborhood either. I was decently well off, as a matter of fact, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something could be there. Which is why we’re here now, I suppose. After making sure nothing was going to creep up on me, I unlocked the door and slipped inside, clutching my plush all the while.

I froze as I shut the door, noting how dim it was inside. I stiffly reached for the nearest light switch and flicked it. I let out a sigh as the living room was covered in a welcoming yellow light. I placed the toy on a small table nearby, and grabbed the featherduster that was sticking from my pocket. I had decided to pick it up from the yard sale as well, since I needed a new one after Fred’s dog murdered the last one I had.

Puppy-sitting. Not fun.

It was cheap too, actually! Only 50 cents. In fact, the plush I got was also pretty cheap. I didn’t think too much on it when I bought them, but it did seem a bit fishy in hindsight. Discarding that thought for now, I decided that the best way to break in my new duster would be to clean up my new friend!

…Though, I realized why it was so cheap after just a few brushes.

I blinked as a puff of dust blew from the brush. Thinking nothing of it, I tried to dust my toy off some more, but that only resulted in me coughing as a cloud of dust began to fly up. I tried it on some bookshelves I had too, just in case it was the toy’s doing, but this too left me in a bit of a pall.

“Agh—Good grief,” I said between sneezes. How could one duster be so dusty? I decided to walk outside and shake it in an effort to clean it out. It worked out well enough at first. However, I soon noticed how much dust was escaping. I watched in disbelief as a huge cloud of dust began to form.  Concerned, I hummed to myself…

I decided to put it up for now.

The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful. I resigned to sticking the plush in the washing machine while I ate. By the time I finished showering, the plush had finished drying, and I was ready for bed.

I held the toy close as I climbed into bed. Normally, I would’ve been wide awake, staring into the darkness above me while secretly wondering why I didn’t invest in a nightlight. But the plush, whose name I decided would be Lupa after seeing the tag attached to its rump, was so soft… so warm…

I sleep.

Dawn broke. Amber rays of light shone through the cracks between the curtains, letting just the slightest bit of light into the room. Unfortunately, this light decided it’d be a good idea to shine directly onto my face, forcing me to wake up. I willed myself to rise and my body begrudgingly followed my orders, though I refused to open my eyes as I listlessly felt around for my plush.

…Until I realized it was gone.

I sat there for a moment as my tired brain tried to make sense of it all. My plush was gone, and my pillow along with it. I looked under the bed, under my blankets – I searched the whole room and turned up nothing!

Then, I stopped. And listened.

I could hear footsteps.

I pressed my ear against the bedroom wall. Confirming my fears, I heard shuffling just outside. It took me a moment to collect enough courage, but I soon stepped out into the hall.

Nothing.

I looked to my left, then my right. The noise had suddenly stopped.

As I walked closer to the living room, the noise became less and less faint. It almost sounded like someone had pillows on their feet as they walked around. After hesitating for a moment, I turned the corner. The first thing I noticed was Lupa, placed on the coffee table near the TV. While I was relieved I had found it, I couldn’t help but wonder how it got there. Not to mention, the noise was suddenly gone, along with whoever was making it. …I hoped. I really didn’t want to have to deal with an intruder at… I stole a glance at the clock on the wall.

           7 A.M.

“Wait a minute…” I walked over to the couch, noticing something white. My pillow!

…Or, what was left of it.

The pillow was pretty torn up. Actually – Half of it was missing, and the stuffing inside spilled out as I picked it up. I ran a hand through my hair in disbelief. I had a feeling that something must’ve got into my house, and I figured it was an animal, judging from the damage. It was either that, or one crazy dude. Either way, I quickly got to work searching the rest of my house, if only to quell my worries. I had no idea what I’d do if I actually found anything, but… it was good to know at least?

Ugh.

I spent the rest of my morning cleaning up, throwing out my old pillow, anything to distract myself from what happened. Despite my efforts, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was watching me. What made matters worse was all of this ruined my appetite! I resigned myself to sulk in the living room in hopes that I could at least watch something on TV. That didn’t quite work out.

As I returned to the living room, I spied something standing in the doorway. It was a small, grey thing. It had tufted cheeks, a bushy tail, and buttons for eyes.

“L-Lupa?”

I could hardly believe it. The toy stood there, staring directly at me. It looked as though it was caught mid-step – like it was trying to sneak somewhere. We held this gaze for what felt like ages, until it suddenly darted back into the living room.

“H-Hey! Wait!” I ran in after it. I gave chase as it hopped onto, then behind the couch. It scrambled under the coffee table and I made the mistake of following, hitting my head on it in the process.

“Agh, owww. Ow, ow ow ow,” I hissed. Holding my head, I could just see it running out of the room. Once again, I went after it. “Gotcha!”, I said as I finally caught the thing. I gazed at it in disbelief as it squirmed and flailed in my grip.

“Hey, hey, I’m not gonna hurt you,” I tried my best to soothe the panicked toy. “Can you understand me?” It looked up at me for a few seconds, then nodded. I had to admit, I didn’t know what to do at this point. It’s not like I was trained to deal with living toys.

“I’m, uh, guessing you wouldn’t know what happened to my pillow,” I stammered. I didn’t know whether I was joking in an effort to comfort the thing, or just making small talk. It seemed to work regardless though as the toy shrugged. It seemed to be calming down.

I felt it tapping my hand with one of its stubby arms. It pointed at the ground, then kicked its little legs. I assumed it wanted me to put it down. While I wasn’t sure if it would run away once I let it go, I carefully set it down on the floor. I grew concerned as it simply laid there, limp as a doll.

“Uhh…” I reached out towards it, but quickly retracted my hand as it suddenly darted upright. It beckoned me to follow as it made its way back into the living room. Strange, I thought.

I followed it, watching as it climbed up onto the coffee table and started rifling through some old papers. Before I could ask what all this was for, the toy lifted up a piece of paper with a picture of a pillow on it. It didn’t take long before I realized what Lupa wanted.

“You… want me to go to the store?”, I asked. The plush nodded, then beckoned me to lean closer. To my surprise, it hopped into my arm and climbed up my sleeve. It pointed at me, then at the door. This was weird, but…

Hmm.

           The market was only a few blocks down, so getting there was easy! Surprisingly, I was even able to sneak Lupa into the store and we got to work procuring some foodstuffs. As I walked, I couldn’t help but notice how clean the place was. They must’ve remodeled since the last time I was here.

“What do you think we should get?”, I asked. Lupa had taken up residence on my shoulder and every now and again, she’d point at stuff she wanted me to get. A surprising amount of it was meat, but I figured she was making these choices because she was a wolf. It took a lot to convince her that, as a human, I couldn’t live off just lamb. I was probably being paranoid, but I could’ve sworn I was getting some looks from some of the other customers too.

Eventually, I got what I needed. And, aside from the cashier insisting on trying to ring the toy up, things went well!

Later that night, we talked. Or, I talked and Lupa listened. I talked about all the other plushes I used to own, back when I was a kid.

“So, uh-- What are you, anyway?”, I asked, leaning towards the wolf, “Are there more like you?” Lupa stared for a moment, then shrugged. I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed, but a certain child part of me couldn’t help but love this! I was talking to a plush! A living plush!

“Oh! I’ve got someone to introduce you to!”, I said as I started to dig through my closet, “Meet Terrance!” I retrieved a large, stuffed tiger. It had seen better days. It was torn in some spots, it was missing an eye, and it smelled kinda funny. “He’s not… alive, like you, but I figured you two should meet regardless!” I knelt down and set Terrence on the floor in front of Lupa. She looked up at me, then at Terrence.

Then, she punched him.

It caught me off guard – but she was absolutely going at the old tiger’s tummy.

“H-Hey, cut it out!”, I sputtered as I picked the tiger up and turned, keeping it away from the wild plush. “What’d he do to you?” Lupa simply stared up at me, and I groaned, setting the tiger aside for now. Maybe some other time.

The rest of the night was as uneventful as the last. I fell asleep pretty quickly. I felt at peace, but it wouldn’t last for long.

There it was again – the noise from before. I sat up, silently hoping that whatever was making the sound would simply stop.

Thump

Good grief.

I reluctantly made my way out of bed and felt around for the lightswitch. Finding purchase, I flipped it. Nothing happened. This was… concerning, to say the least. Suddenly, a flash of light came from beyond the bedroom window, followed by a rumbling noise. A lightning storm.

I groaned.

Reaching into my bedside table, I pawed around for my flashlight. Darkness freaked me out, but rain was just annoying. Especially when you have to walk to work and everything’s all wet and ugh.

Anyway – I found my flashlight, and I flicked it on. I began by searching my room, if only to make sure the thumping wasn’t coming from anywhere in here. Curiously, despite searching the whole room, I didn’t see Lupa anywhere. Strange.

This was worrying too – I needed something to keep me company while I searched the rest of my house, so I grabbed the next best thing.

My pillow.

I couldn’t help but shiver a bit as I walked down the hallway, pillow held close. I couldn’t see more than a few feet away, and what I could see was only barely illuminated. Windows and picture frames gave off long, ghastly shadows that stretched into the darkness ahead. I felt like I was in more of a haunted house than the middle of suburbia. One of the windows continued to flicker as lightning tore up the sky. The sooner I could get this search over with, the better.

I heard a noise as I neared the living room. It was the thumping from before, but I also heard something tearing. It sounded like fabric. Cautiously, I peeked into the room. Everything seemed normal. I took a few tentative steps forward, scanning the room with the flashlight.

Oh.

I could hardly believe what I saw as I shone the light into the room. On my couch was a large, grey creature. It seemed to be made of fabric, and seams and stitches ran all over its body. Long, blue hair rested on its shoulders. In fact, it kind of reminded me of…

“Lupa.”

…I wasn’t sure why I opened my mouth, but I could feel the slightest tinge of regret as its two pointed ears twitched at the sound of my voice. The plush creature slowly turned its head to face me. It stared at me with big, glowing, yellow eyes.

“What’re you doin’ up so late?”, it asked.

I stared. The wolf’s response was so unexpected that I couldn’t help but freeze for a moment. It didn’t help that it sounded as nearly surprised as I was.

“I-I was just, uh, wondering what the noise was,” I offered, trying my best to play it off, “But I see it’s just... you, so I’ll just head back to bed.” I figured that the sooner I could get back to bed, the sooner this bizarre dream would end. I tried my best to offer a wry smile as I backed away from the doorway. The creature seemed to study me as I backed away, its eyes narrowing.

“Wait.” I froze as the wolf spoke, pointing at my pillow. “What’s that?”

“N-Nothing,” I instinctively clutched it tighter.

“Nothing…” it mused, “Looks like something to me. Give it.” I quickly shook my head. What did it want with my pillow?

“You don’t want me to come over there,” it threatened. “I’m hungry, and what you’ve got looks delicious.” I was shivering by this point. The plush looked ready to climb over the couch, her tail playfully wagging behind her. I shakily handed the pillow over, recoiling a bit as it was snatched away from me. Lupa immediately got to work gnawing on it. She pulled the casing off, and started gnawing at the stuffing inside. Soon, there wasn’t much sign of the pillow left, aside from some bits of fabric on the floor.

“Hey, thanks for that.” She grinned, and I reluctantly smiled back. What is happening.

“Though…”, she began again. “I’m still hungry. I’d ask you to get me some more pillows, but I think I see something even more appetizing.”

“I-Is that so?” I didn’t like where this was going.

“It’s a little on the short side… But, it’s bigger than a pillow, that’s for sure. It’s got a couple of arms to munch on, couple legs… Oh – and some cute duckling pajamas. Any of that ring a bell?”

“Can’t say it does…” I was already halfway out.

I felt a finger pressing down against my head, stopping me in my tracks. I heard its voice again.

“It’s also an unconvincing actor.”

I ran.

I went as fast as my legs would allow me. I heard Lupa’s heavy footfalls behind me as I raced back up the hall and into my room. I rested my back against the door as I collected my breath.

“Okay,” I said to no one in particular, “This is just a nightmare. I-I’ll wake up any second now, and everything’ll be fine…” I repeated the last part over and over again, hoping to believe my own words.

So why couldn’t I just wake up?

I yelped as I heard muffled thumps from the other side of the door.

“Open up! You can’t hide in there forever,” the wolf teased.

“Try me!” I shot back. For a while, I didn’t get a response. Instead, I heard Lupa walking away. Did she really leave?

I liked to think I wasn’t completely dumb. Before I went to make sure the monster was gone, I went over to the closet. I opened it and pulled out a bat. If I was getting grabbed, if I was getting eaten, I wasn’t going out without a fight.

Slowly, carefully, I cracked open the bedroom door – just enough so I could see out. I shakily stuck my flashlight through the gap, making sure nothing was there. I stepped out, trying to suppress my fear as best I could. Where could she have gone? My house wasn’t big – she had to be somewhere. …Why would she leave anyway?

My heart nearly leapt out of my chest as two big paws wrapped around my midsection. I was swiftly lifted up, soon coming face to face with a certain wolf’s grin.

“Gotcha!”

It took all of my will not to drop my bat as I stared the wolf down. I raised my weapon, and struck.

…It didn’t really do much. If anything, her head absorbed the blow. In hindsight, I probably should’ve expected that.

“...Okay,” she seemed a bit dazed at least. “Nice try, but that’s not gonna work.” She grabbed the bat and tossed it to the side. My eyes widened as she reached for the zipper just beneath her collar. She pulled it down, revealing the stuffing inside.

“Wh-What’re you doing?”

“What’s it look like?! I’m hungry, and I’m gonna eat’cha!” I barely had time to yell as she pulled me closer. Of all the ways to go out, getting eaten by a toy wouldn’t have been my first thought.

Then, she started laughing.

“H-Huh?” I found myself frozen as I struggled to process what was going on - or what just happened. I wasn’t being eaten. Or, absorbed or whatever. I couldn’t quite tell, but it felt like she was hugging me. And laughing.

“Y-Y’know,” she managed between fits of giggling, “I can’t believe I got you so bad! I was really hamming it up there too! Like, oooh~ I’m gonna get’cha!” She mocked before bursting into laughter again.

I was floored. I hung limp in her arms for a bit, my mind scrambling for an explanation while I tried to catch my breath. I felt something well up within me as I remembered the fun we had earlier. Was all of that some kind of joke? What’d all of that mean?

“Hey, you alright?”, Lupa asked as her laughter died down. She set me down as she pulled her zipper back up. “Listen, if it means anything, your pillow’s fine.” She pulled the zipper all the way down and - lo and behold - the pillow flopped out. It landed between us with a thump.

I clenched my fists.

“Who cares?!” I snapped,  “You were supposed to help me get over my fears, not make them worse!” Lupa blinked, shifting her gaze for a moment.

“I-It was just a joke! I wasn’t really gonna hurt you!”, she protested.

“It’s not a joke!” I sniffled, rubbing my eyes. I knew I was crying, but I didn’t really care. I was just, so mad. The whole day was so wonderfully bizarre, and now it all felt spoiled.

“I’m sorry.”

I uncovered my eyes to see Lupa on her knees, her head hung as she rubbed her arm. “I-I… I didn’t mean to scare you-- Well Ididbut-- I didn’t mean to make you mad! I guess I thought we were having fun, b-but I was sorta getting carried away,” she finished. I could tell she wasn’t very good at this.

I was still kinda mad.

“Why were you down here anyway?”, I asked, regaining my composure. Lupa flinched.

“Well I-- I was hungry! A-And I wanted to explore the house! And, uh… I… The thunder kinda scared me,” she finished quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she quickly replied. I furrowed my brow as she stared back, fidgeting.

“Look! It was loud, okay? A-And bright too. I just, felt like I needed to take shelter or something! I wanted to hide in the kitchen, but I couldn’t fit under the table, so I…” she trailed off. Replacing my anger was a sense of pity as I sat down next to the plush.

“I can… kinda relate,” I offered, leaning against her. She murmured something I couldn’t quite hear, but it was punctuated by another flash in a nearby window, followed by a booming noise. Lupa squeaked, wrapping her paws around me again. I could feel her shaking.

“Listen, let’s go back upstairs,” I said, “Maybe we can keep each other company! C-Can’t be scared if we have each other, right?” The wolf seemed to mull it over for a bit, before nodding. I yelped as she suddenly picked me up and planted me on her shoulders.

“What’re you--”

“I’m giving you a ride! It’s the least I could do.”

I sighed, resting my head against hers. As quick as it came, all the energy I had before completely evaporated. After reaching the top of the stairs, Lupa squeezed her way through the doorway my room and set me down on the bed. It was obvious before, but only now did I truly get an idea of how big Lupa had gotten. I was never the tallest person around, but Lupa was at least a head taller than me.

“So-- What’s with… all this?”, I asked, motioning towards the wolf. She tilted her head.

“What’s what?”

“Yknow, how’d you get so big? When did you get so big?” She smirked as she stood up and silhouetted herself against the moonlight shining through the window.

“Blame the moon. See, I’m what you call a werewolf. During the day, I’m small - like a normal toy. But at night…” She stepped toward me, placing a paw on my head. “Well, you can see for yourself.” I thought for a moment.

“Doesn’t that make you a were-plush, then?”

“I-I guess,” Lupa thought for a moment. “Whatever.”

“Anyway!”, she began to my surprise, flopping back onto the bed, “It’s my turn to ask questions. Why’d you buy me, Sam? Didn’t think you were gonna get a big, bad wolf? Thought you were just gonna get a little toy?” I twiddled my thumbs, unsure of how to say it. Though, I supposed that simplicity always worked.

“I’m… kind of afraid of the dark. A-And I, y’know, hoped that getting a plush would help.”

Lupa faltered again. It seemed like she didn’t expect that answer. “O-Oh. Really?” I nodded.

“I-It’s kinda dumb but, y’know, I just get the creeps whenever I can’t see. It’s like, it feels like there’s a monster out there.”

“Awww.”

I thought I heard her say something, but I wasn’t really sure what to make of it. I was tired, and ideas for conversation were hard to come by. My eyes drifted down to something I hadn’t quite noticed before. Coming out of Lupa’s back was a thin string that ended with a white ring.

“What’s that?”, I asked, grabbing it.

“What’s wha--Mama!”, she interrupted herself as I pulled on it. We stared at each other, and I pulled it again.

“I love you~”,  she managed out, before covering her mouth. It sounded muffled, like an actual doll’s speaker.

“Never. Do that. Again,” she slowly warned, her eyes wide. She looked incredibly embarrassed.

“But that was adorable!” I said, “I didn’t know you could do that! That’s so cute!”

“I’m not cute! I’m big, and I’m mean! See these chompers?”, she protested, pulling on the side of her mouth and baring her sharp plastic teeth! She huffed and scowled, crossing her arms and looking away.

“Th-Though, uh…”, she began after a moment, “C-Could we… Hmmm, could we, maybe, cuddle? A little bit?” I blinked.

“Cuddle?”, I repeated. She shuffled awkwardly, twiddling her big thumbs.

“Well, I’m… y’know, a doll, and… That’s kinda what I’m meant for, right? I-I figured I’d ask since you’re so afraid of the dark!” She floundered. “...Forget about it.”

“Mean, huh.” I remarked. I don’t know what came over me, but I started hugging the big wolf’s arm. Maybe I was just tired. “I wouldn’t mind. You’re a lot bigger than earlier, and I wouldn’t call that a problem.”

“...Plus, I uh, left my pillow downstairs,” I added. Lupa snickered.

“And you called me a ‘dumb plush,’” she quipped.

“I’ll pull the cord again,” I shot back.

“...Okay.”

It wasn’t until we both lied down that I really understood just how big Lupa was. She took up almost the entire bed. The plush pulled me closer and closer until I could feel her nuzzling my neck. She had a soothing warmth to her, and her body was so soft and tender. She really was like a big, tender pillow.

“...Yknow, why’d you have to beat Terrance up like that anyway?”, I asked, on the verge of nodding off, “Not like he did anything to you.”

“I-I was intimidated! He looked at me funny,” she reasoned, “...He was bigger than me.”

I lifted my head up and gazed at her in disbelief.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

I groaned as I willed myself to rise out of bed the next morning, shielding my eyes from the rays of light filtering through the cracks in the blinds. If it was somehow possible, I felt more tired than yesterday.

“What did I do last night?”, I wondered aloud as I got to my feet. As I shuffled out of my room, I couldn’t help but notice a burning smell coming from downstairs. Concerned, I hurried my pace. After following the smell to the kitchen, I noticed something smoking on the counter. Lupa standing next to it.

Oh!

I gasped as everything came back to me. I rushed toward the counter to see what was on it, ready to grab a bucket of water if needed. And… It was a plate. With some cloth on it.

It was singed a little too.

Next to the plate was a note.

“Sorry about last night. Made you breakfast!”

Hmm.

“I can’t eat this,” I flatly said. Lupa looked dejected.

“But,” I said as I picked her up, “I can teach you how to cook. I can make pretty much anything as long as it’s, uh, ramen. Or pizza.”

Lupa tilted her head a little, before her tail began to sway from side to side. Seemed like a plan!

I couldn’t wait for tonight.

#oc #writing #snrr #the yard sale #lupa #sam

[hollygopossumlovesj2]

Come Back Down, Part 21

Title: Come Back Down, Part 21

Warning/Rating: NC-17; For graphic smut, hand job (male receiving), cussing, description of mental illness.

Word Count: 4,879

Summary: Recovery is not easy for Jensen. It involves sitting still and ‘resting’ which pretty much adds up to anxiety and feelings of failure. Depression weighs heavily on him as he contemplates the past month.

A/N: Thank you, @tas898, for reading through this and reassuring me that it wasn’t complete crap! Also for pushing me to post the damn thing. I super appreciate your support, Twinsie!

Hollygopossum’s Master List ~ If you’d like to read more of my work, click this link 

Come Back Down Master List ~ Just incase you’d like to catch up, click this link here!

Cbd21

I’d been home for about 2 weeks now and had barely even left this room. Despite being drugged up to the gills for most of it, I was starting to lose patience with everyone. Mom had, of course, been insufferable and over attentive which was both annoying and guilt inducing. I knew there were preparations for her favorite holiday to be done but she was too busy checking on me every thirty minutes. Which, was an improvement because up until a couple of days ago, it had been every five.

It was a crazy concept to me, when I thought about it, but Christmas was only less than a week away. The two weeks I’d spent in hospital had seemed to drag on and on, but it turned out that hospital time goes a lot slower than real time.

The time I spent hospitalized was anxiety inducing, especially with my parents and their superpower of smothering the fuck out of me. My family had come to an agreement of a different schedule when I finally lost it enough to need more iv Ativan.

They were only allowed to come in one person at a time. My parents traded of the morning and afternoon shift. Josh, Mackenzie and Jared had each come to visit and take a ‘shift’ that I found unnecessary since I had a very attentive nurse. She came quickly when I had to break down and push the button but she hadn’t tried to make small talk. She was there to get down to business.

Then there was Y/N. She mainly took the night shift, after my parents and I had put our foot down that she needed a shower and at least 5 hours of sleep that she wouldn’t get if she stayed glued to my side 24/7. Selfishly I wanted her to stay with me and scare off my parents with her haunted eyes. But, she truthfully hadn’t recovered from me scaring the ever loving fuck out of her and she needed sleep and food.

So now, even though I was feeling pouty and ready to hunchback my healing ass out of this room and to the nearest bar, I stifled it. Earlier in the week, I’d half heartedly tried to convince her to go home to Wyoming. I told her she didn’t have to stay to take care of me when she had so many things to do at home. The argument was pointless, like arguing with an especially grumpy mule. I tried to let the guilt bog me down. I tried to convince myself that I was not just uselessly just putting her life on hold, and many of the cast and crew were ‘home on break’ until we had a full cast to work with.

So much guilt. Forever with the guilt.  

Unfortunately for me, she was also extremely perceptive. She always had been, and she knew with just one look that I wasn’t handling the bed surfing part of my recovery well. If I were honest with myself, I would admit that the appendectomy had scared the fuck out of me too. But, it seemed wrong to voice that when everyone else had been terrified too. I was damn relieved that she hadn’t listened when I told her that she should go home.

She knew from experience how much of a pain in the ass I could be when I wasn’t feeling well. And, like I’d said before, we’d been there for each other through a large variety of situations. Like, the time I’d gotten mono from making out with Anna McDowell the summer before senior year.

Y/N had been the only person home because she was visiting over her break. Dad was off filming a part in some sitcom that filmed in Vancouver. After I had assured Mom that Y/N and I could behave and would be fine alone, she had reluctantly gone with him.

My throat had been brutally sore and I’d felt weighed down like I could sleep for days at a time. I’ll just say that mono had made the bad cold I’d had back in Cheyenne look like the sniffles. She made sure I drank plenty of fluids and took my medication. She would even bring me popsicles if I didn’t bitch too much. I know I definitely tested Y/N’s patience that first week of summer. It was one of the many times that solidified the position she held in my life as my favorite person.

Now, things were a little different. We weren’t just two teenagers trying to get by anymore. She never gave me any inclination that she ever planned to run like hell. I’d tried to get used to the very real possibility that dealing with all of this was just too much for me to ask. How could such a friend stay in my life for so long? Especially when they were picking up pictures of her and putting them in the gossip magazines?

My life was already spilling over into hers and I hadn’t made anything official. I’d gotten comfortable with what we had, but now I had to consider the possibility that she wouldn’t want the kind of life that was constantly being observed underneath a microscope. Not that I could completely begrudge Danneel for going off the deep end, but I knew I was going to get some backlash for that. That meant that Y/N might get backlash, too. Some of my fans had tagged her as the ‘other woman’ years ago before I’d wizened up.

My sad effort to keep these worries and some others under wraps and my problem alone had failed. She’d tried to cheer me up by offering me my favorite foods or letting me watch whatever I wanted, but the truth was that I was going fucking stir crazy. I didn’t want to sit still so that my abdominal internal sutures could heal properly like the outside sutures were headed to a lot quicker than I had thought. To be honest, it was getting a little itchy which just added to my discontent.

To be fair, I recognized that it was my own damn fault that I’d landed in this situation. If I hadn’t been such a hard headed dipshit, I’d be back on set by now.

On top of that, I couldn’t help but think about Danneel and the fake pregnancy. I still hadn’t been able to give her what she wanted. It still stung more than I was prepared for, even though we weren’t together anymore. Our divorce had caused her to suffer a psychological break, or so her brother had informed me in a very angry, violent conversation over the phone right after I’d been released to go home.

I’d spoken to Danneel’s mother yesterday and she’d informed me that Danneel was receiving treatment closer to her home town in Louisiana in a much nicer, if a little bit professional tone. The doctors there thought the break was due to the imbalance of hormones in her system caused by the fertility treatments she had been having. Oh, and stress. For some reason, Danneel’s mother took pity on me. She mentioned that even though stress didn’t help the situation, it had played a very small part in comparison to the fertility treatments and her unsuccessful attempts at conceiving a baby.

I still couldn’t quite let myself off of the hook, even having been pardoned by her mother. As soon as I was healed enough to drive, I planned on making time to visit with Mrs. Graul and maybe even Danneel if she was ready to have visitors. I knew all too well that the divorce was solid this time, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling of being responsible for pushing Danneel closer to the deep end. She might have meant to harm me, but I would’ve never wished her any real pain.

Y/N was still furious with Danneel who had confessed to running her off the road and into the ravine. A dark, unpopulated ravine that she’d been at the bottom of for nearly a week. Add on top of that the vandalism of her barn, and Y/N had every reason to press every charge possible, but she’d dropped them when she found out that Danneel wasn’t mentally well. She’d told me right before bed the night before that she didn’t want to make a bad situation worse. Plus, it was kind of hard to point fingers at someone who’d had such a hard time adjusting that they had a meltdown.

Once the media got a hold of the story, some negative Tweets and articles had already been released. Some of the Supernatural fandom were not very happy with me. They blamed me for Danneel’s mental break, and I couldn’t say I blamed them. The suits at the CW said not to worry, that the negative press would settle soon. They’d even tacked on that my drama had actually benefited the show being renewed. Bad attention, is still attention. Ugh! I felt used, but at least the crew would still have a job the longer they stayed on tv.

I sighed, feeling the tension building back up in my chest. It had only been momentarily alleviated by Y/N’s earlier animated conversation about how beautiful our hometown was. As she’d leaned into my shoulder, and nowhere else because I was a fucking china doll, she’d reminisced in a way that didn’t completely depress her. It was new, this lighter side of her talking about childhood hang outs and memories of us as high schoolers.

No matter how many times she returned to Dallas, and even though my parents had moved to a new house a few years before, the first couple of days always hit her like a sledgehammer. Especially if she tries to talk about her family. Now though, she seemed relaxed and happy to be here. She’d come back upstairs a couple of times ready to discuss a conversation that she’d had with my parents. There were little tidbits of information that she’d never known about her mom until my Mom had shared with her.

Maybe I’d be able to summon the inner strength to ask her what had changed.

She had disappeared about an hour ago and the book I was trying to read wasn’t holding my attention for longer than 5 minute increments.

Ever since I’d arrived home I’d been battling the nervous, possibly manic energy that was buzzing beneath my skin the longer I was forced to sit still. There were so many things that needed to be done for the show and I’d had to fight with both my Mom and Y/N so that I could leave to do voice work next week. They’d eventually given in when I told them that it was going to be done locally and for short amounts at a time. Even being able to do voice work in the very near future didn’t really quell it.

The crew had made changes as soon as they knew my recovery would be extended. They had left me out of several scenes and used my stunt guy to fill in where they couldn’t. I hated the strain this put on my friends.

Singer had tried to comfort me with the fact that it was only a couple of episodes and then they would break for Christmas. I wasn’t comforted. I hated anything that would possibly take away from the shows full potential and the family that was there.

You’d think the nervous energy would be completely cancelled out by the depressive episode of gargantuan proportions. It was obvious with my unwillingness to get out of bed or eat or to bathe myself with anything more complicated than a baby wipe down. I could actually feel myself sinking deeper and deeper, even with taking my antidepressant regularly. I could recognize it but I couldn’t do anything about it without feeling overwhelmed and defeated.

I had been at the end of my rope a few nights ago and finally caved. I told Y/N a shortened version of what was going on with me, omitting my worries about her because I didn’t want to give her more things to worry about. She had listened patiently but she hadn’t tried to soothe me with putting her hands on my face or giving me a look of pity.

She chose a scientific explanation that put me at ease faster than a generic, ‘I’m sorry, baby.’ She’d simply explained that sometimes anesthesia and the sedatives would mix up the normal balance of brain chemicals. That I should just try to take it easy until they balanced themselves out, but I didn’t know just how much more I could take.

Bored by the book I was trying to read and filled to the brim with hopelessness, I fell asleep. Sleeping was my only escape. It was the only way I could stop the voices in my head telling me how much I’d fucked up. That I was letting everyone that I’d ever cared about down.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been asleep the next time I woke up, but it was a pleasant wake up. Y/N face was leaning down so that she was eye level, a private smile on her face and a little blush on her cheeks. It looked like maybe she had been able to be outside for a little while and gotten some sun on her face.

“Hey.” She whispered like speaking too loud would disturb the room. As I slowly became more conscious, I noted that she’d opened the blinds to let some sun it. It glowed brightly against the beige carpet in the room, reflecting an ethereal glow on her face.

“Hey.” I croaked, lifting a hand to push the hair hanging in her face behind her ear. She leaned down a little further to kiss my nose and then my lips, bringing a small smile out.

“I’ve run a bath for you.”

And… the moment was gone. “A bath?” A bath required energy. A bath meant I’d need help getting in and out. A bath sounded terrible.

“Yeah.” She sat down on the edge of the bed, probably seeing my face fall. “I’ll do all the work. All you have to do is stay awake.”

“I don’t want you to do all the work.” I grumped, groaning quite dramatically as I sat up. “I don’t want you to have to do anything.”

“Would you rather your Mom helped?” Dirty. She played dirty. She deduced the answer by the appalled twist to my expression. “Maybe we could have a little fun.”

I lifted an eye brow in question, wondering if Y/N had lost her mind while I’d been sleeping. It was a tiny bit enticing but absolutely not while my parents were still in the house. That would just be weird. Plus, I wasn’t exactly in shape to be doing acrobatics in the garden tub.

“Your parents are gone shopping for some last minute Christmas things. They’ll probably be gone…” She checked the phone she’d been carrying in her right hand. “For the next two hours.”

And, there went most of my excuses.

I didn’t cave one bit, my face a study in extreme grumpiness, as she walked close beside me while I hobbled into the upstairs bathroom. Even as I saw the bath tub full of bubbles and surrounded by a couple of candles that had to be left over from Mackenzie, I remained against this whole thing. It was one thing for me to help her shower all last summer. It was completely another for her to do the same.

I loved her and I wanted to be her safety and her security. I couldn’t very well do that while she was washing my ass for me.

To Y/N’s credit, she never lost the smile on her face or the genuine care she put into getting me into the tub. Which, if I were in the mood to be honest, it wasn’t as complicated as I’d thought it would be. It didn’t even hurt as much as I thought it would, but I still would’ve preferred some damn baby wipes or a sink bath to this. I could already be napping again by now. I was already a little breathless from the ten feet I’d just crossed to get to the bathroom.

A thought occurred to me as I got lost watching her take her clothes off, neatly folding them up on the counter next to what I assumed were my clean clothes. (Because I hadn’t even thought about grabbing any) But, maybe she was pushing this bath because she was tired of sleeping next to someone that (maybe, possibly) didn’t smell too fresh. The reasons didn’t even really matter that much. I was in the tub now. Might as well be fucking clean.

“Sit up a little.” She helped by pushing my shoulders forward and then slipped in behind me, her legs spread wide to frame mine. “Okay, now lean back.” I carefully leaned back and despite my issue with being the little spoon, I had to admit that it felt good. I closed my eyes and breathed deep, the water gently lapping around us and her arms encircled around my chest so I wouldn’t slide down.

This was nice and quiet, the firm hold around my chest chased a bit of the crazy anxious feeling away. Y/N knew exactly what I was doing and the possibility of her not knowing hadn’t crossed my mind besides being a grumpy asshole.

I didn’t even have to move when she began soaping my hair with shampoo, using a cup to wet my hair and then rinse it. I begrudgingly had to admit, if only to myself, that having my hair washed felt fucking fantastic. I relaxed further, humming as I let my full weight lean against her, as she massaged my scalp with firm fingers.

Her chuckle vibrated against my back, making a relaxed smile slowly spread on my lips. “You and your hair.”

I cocked an eyebrow even though she couldn’t see it, “What do you mean, ‘you and your hair?’” My voice grumbled an octave or two deeper because I was on the cusp of falling asleep.

“All anyone has to do to wipe that grumpy look on your face is put their fingers in your hair. I’m not sure you can have your hair cut in public with the noises that you make. You might get arrested for being indecent.”

“What?” I tensed up a little, only because what she was describing wasn’t very manly at all. I couldn’t help the character traits that I held to so rigidly. “I do fine in public thank you very much.” I had evolved since I’d grown up in Texas and made sure to never extend anything but support, especially to those that chose to challenge the world’s expectations and dared to be exactly who they were. I admired their strength, but I was still stuck living by my Dad’s southern expectations and it was a lot easier to be understanding of someone else than it was to be understanding of myself.

“Shhh…” Her fingers slid down to dig deeply into my intensely tight neck muscles after she’d rinsed my hair thoroughly. I instantly forgot what I was ruffled about. “I didn’t mean to get your hackles up, Ackles. You’re still a big tough guy if that’s what you want to be.”

She got a grunt in response, mostly because I didn’t want to get into another discussion about how I hold myself to too many rigid self-expectations. Oh yes, she had made her point several times, but I just couldn’t stop. The anxiety that I’d been trying to fight since childhood always managed to make me fixate on my flaws. All through Days of Our Lives and Dark Angel, I would spend hours rehearsing and trying to have my line delivery perfect. When I would lay down at night, all the times I’d failed would keep me from sleeping well, including the time I’d failed to get a big part in the kindergarten play. I took a big breath and let it go, relaxing back into her warm, soft body.

I let myself drift in and out of consciousness, letting her hands wash away all the eck that had built up while I was laid up. Y/N had clipped her nails short so that she could massage my skin as she washed everywhere thoroughly, pushing the painful toxins and leaving me basically a pile of jelly. Damn it felt good. She cleared her throat, a tell that she had something important to say, and I braced myself for what would come next.

“You can’t do this to me again, okay?” She began to whisper, her warm breath and lips tickling the back of my neck and setting off goosebumps as she swiped the wash cloth over my healing incision. I hummed in answer, trying to maintain this relaxed state for as long as possible, but let her know I was listening. “You get a free pass for this one, but anything after this, there will be consequences.” I grunted, unable to conjure up enough energy to form words. “I won’t be able to handle it again, Jay. I never wanted to be close to anyone after my parents. But then, there you were. I will never be able to survive a day without you alive on this Earth somewhere, and that terrifies me.”

The sound of her sniffling brought me back to Earth, her words processing clearly. I laid my head back, held up by her shoulder as I searched blindly for her lips. My eyes were still closed as I instinctively found them. I was afraid if I opened my eyes that she would see the fear in mine as well. Not because of her threat of retribution and consequences, but the horrifying thought that if something happened to me she wouldn’t survive.

They were salty from tears when she pressed her lips against mine. I turned the kiss into something needy, something that expressed the vulnerable thing inside me with her name on it, without words. I wanted to pull her into my lap and hold her close but the internal sutures kept me from moving very much at all.

“M’not goin’ anywhere.” I pressed the words into her willing lips, my tongue easing in to glide over her teeth and then battle for dominance with her tongue.

“Okay,” she whispered on an inhale, her fingers teasing my happy trail below the surface. I was already responding to her kisses, my dick already filling with blood and half hard. I couldn’t help the grunt that was muffled by our lips when her fingers lightly grazed me. My eyes squeezed closed even tighter against the emotion that was stirring turmoil in my chest. The bath and the tease of something more made sense now. She wanted to put her hands on me to feel me alive and well. How could I ever have thought I’d be strong enough to begrudge her that.

From then on her touches were done with more intent, her fingers teasing my shaft only to go lower and gently roll my balls and hold them in her palm. I was gonna be a quick trigger and I couldn’t even bring myself to feel self-conscious about it. I hadn’t even put my own hand on me since a few days before my surgery. I hadn’t even thought of this since I’d been home, too distracted by the pain.

But, fuck if it didn’t feel good now. I was already panting hard, my head feeling dizzy from my short breaths and limited oxygen intake. I tried to turn around so that I could touch and taste more of her, but she stopped me with her hands pressing firmly against my pecks to keep me still. “Stay like this. This is just for you.”

I didn’t like being the only one on the receiving end. I got a lot of my pleasure from watching her feel good. I loved how responsive she was. I loved the noises that she made and how she would finally just let go and feel it. However, I had to admit that what she was doing, the being in control? Fuck, that was hot, too.

I finally had to stop trying to kiss her, leaning my head back and tucking my nose into the crook in her neck just so that I could breathe her scent into my lungs. I felt her other hand leave my side a moment and the sound of a thick liquid being squeezed from a bottle. It didn’t really register until her hand was slicking up my cock with a lubricant. It was oil based so that it didn’t wash off right away, removing the friction that water made uncomfortable. The warm, wet sensation was overwhelming and I couldn’t help the groan as I pushed my face further into her skin.

This time she didn’t tease, sensing my urgency in the twitch of my hips, her hand firm as she began pumping with purpose. I was already desperate, my breath started to get caught in my throat and hitch in my chest.

“Relax, let me do all the work.” She whispered like a dirty, dirty porn star and put pressure on my hip to try to keep me still. The action resulting in a moan from deep in my throat, a thrill of pleasure crawling up my spine. Fuck it was hot that she was bossing me around a little.

She would bring me right to the edge, my toes curling in the water, before she’d ease off. I could hardly stay still or hold in the vulnerable moans that echoed in the acoustics of the bathroom. I couldn’t help but to thrust into her hand as much as she would allow, planting my feet and trying to get the most out of every single one. To keep from sliding down, my hands were leaving finger print bruises as I gripped her thighs for dear life. Fuck!

“Oh, fuck. Oh, god-. …gonna… Sweetheart, I’m gonna-. Oh, fuck!” When she finally let me come it felt like months’ worth of come was dragged out of me in long, hard pulses. My balls clamped down so hard that they were actually sore when I could bring myself to give a fuck. To be honest, I didn’t know what I said, my mind blown and focused on just one thing, babbling the words that just rolled out of my mouth without a filter. There may have been curse words or multiple praises for unknown deities and moans that might’ve sounded like I was dying. All I really knew was that my throat was a little dry when I could finally focus on the room.

The orgasm had turned my entire body into jelly, my legs and arms were like limp noodles. I hissed through my teeth, my dick still very sensitive, when she washed the lubricant off with a warm, soapy wash cloth. God, as much as I’d complained and tried to convince Y/N that this wasn’t a good idea, I had to admit to myself that I had been wrong.

Even though I had been a grumpy ass, she had still been able to take care of me so completely that mixed in with the orgasmic haze was a hell of a lot of gratitude.

Getting me out of the bath tub and dried off would probably be a funny story later, but I was too relaxed to care. I could feel the dopey smile on my face as Y/N laughed at me while I leaned almost my entire weight into her side. “Whoo…” We listed to the left and to the right a little because my brain was mostly out of the building.

“Alright, chuckles, hang on for me for just a minute longer.” She kind of sounded like I was probably killing her back, but my center of gravity depended on her.

When we finally made it safely to the bedroom and into bed, she took great care as she tucked me in. She pulled the comforter up to beneath my chin and dipped to kiss my lips one more time.

It was pure luck that I was able to work my hand and to grab onto her shirt before she could get up to leave. She returned the big, dumb smile I could feel on my face. “Stay.”

The amused smile on her kiss swollen lips turned soft as she answered me with a kiss to my forehead. “Okay.” I watched blearily as she ditched her blue jeans and bra, climbing and snuggling up close next to me in just a t shirt and her blue lace panties. She laid up against me, but put her arm over my chest to avoid my incision, tucking her face beside mine, sharing my pillow. “Love you.”

I pressed my lips into her forehead, staying there as I fell into a few deep, quality hours of sleep. “Love you, too.”

Tagging (Forever’s): @perpetualabsurdity, @maileann, @daydreamingintheimpala, @gecko9596, @gemini75eeyore, @jotink78, @dancingalone21, @winchesterprincessbride, @sandlee44, @exploratiionist, @arryn-nyx, @littledarlinhavefaithinme, @tiffanycaruso, @boredoutofmymindstuff, @feelmyroarrrr, @raeganr99, @ruprecht0420, @anokhi07, @letsgetyourdeanon, @sis-tafics, @callmesatansprincess, @atc74, @ryansgirl5509, @notnaturalanahi, @keepcalmandcarryondean, @sea040561, @just-another-busy-fangirl, @uniquewerewolfsuit, @ria132love, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @pretty-fortune, @butiaintgonnaloveem, @justanotherdeangrl, @weasleywinchester,@easelweasel, @akshi8278, @tas898, @mandymoiselle1970, @pansexualmeteorite,

Tagging (CBD Only): @melissaj616, @katrena7, @deansdirtyduchess, @anticipate1003, @jalove-wecallhimdean, @shamelesslydean, @xristina-gkika

#Jensen ackles #Jensen ackles smut #Jensen ackles x reader #Jensen ackles rpf #supernatural rpf #Jensen ackles x y/n #Jensen ackles angst #Jensen ackles fluff #bath tub fun #surgery recovery #recovery from appendicitis #Supernatural Smut #Supernatural Angst #Supernatural Fluff #Come back down #spnfanficpond #guppy fic #Jensen ackles fan fiction #Jensen ackles fan fic #hollygopossum writes

[richard-the-boy-wonder-blog]

I was tagged by: @rebel-eds , thanks for giving me something to do B 💓

1. last drink?: Shitty imitation coffee. 

2: last phone call?: my mommy.

3. last text message?: "okay mommy" you can only guess who i sent it to.

4. last song you listened to?: Best Friends by Grandson. (Its a banger beatbi suggest everyone give it a listen)

5. last time you cried?: Thusday night last week.

6. dated someone twice?:  Yes, and i was mistaken both times.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: I kissed a guy who only kissed me to date my mom.

8. been cheated on?: Yeah actually, and the kicker was that it was an irl relationship between me and this person and they cheated on me with someone from across the country... So.

9. lost someone special?: Not really?

10. been depressed?: Oooooh boy.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up?:  Story time! Ive been black out drunk, once. I invited my current bf over for some video games (we had been dating for like a month maybe) and i thought "boy imma get stupid and put the moved on him" drank 2 things of box wine to myself (1 box is equal to 4 glasses of wine lol) ended up getting sick really fast and left my bf to watch my younger 2 siblings while i threw up. Thats all i remember. (I think i also tried to shave my legs?)

Fave colors

12. Green (every single shade)

13. Black, like oil black so its not as dark.

14. Like a dusty brown yellow color.

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends?:  I think so? I hope so cause theres alot of people on here i just recently met that im already considering my friends.

16. fallen out of love?: Yes... Honestly its the saddest feeling in the world.

17. laughed until you cried?: I did that last night over the fact i said i wanted to become a professional hotdog juicer.

18. found out someone was talking about you?: Yeah, im a snoopy bitch.

19. met someone who changed you?: Oh yes, some of them were for the better, but this one person im thinking in particular... I wish he would stop.

20. found out who your friends are?: Yeah actually, i moved and alot of the people i considered "friends" started talking crap, and alot of the people i just considered stuck up for me.

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list?: Does my mom count?

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl?: Like a solid 80% of them, others are people i briefly met at cons or whatever.

23. do you have any pets?: I have 2 kitties! My sisters fat cat Juno and my demon Leia.

24. do you want to change your name?: Not really, i feel like ive got a pretty cool name.

25. what did you do for your last birthday?: I cried and threw up on myself lol.

26. what time did you wake up today?: 8:46 am i remember because i wooe up amd the first thought i had was: "if i dont get up the carrots will attack."

27. what were you doing at midnight last night?: Editing my fic and watching School of Rock.

28. what is something that you can’t wait for?: I have a sad life thats going nowhere so i have nothing to look forward to.

30. what are you listening to right now?: California Dreamin' by The Mamas and Papas.

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom?: I worked for a guy named Tom. Tom was an asshat.

32. something getting on your nerves?: The fact that im not aloud to sing or dance around the hoyse anymore.

33. most visited website?: Tumblr lol.

34. hair color?: I had purple hair before i dyed it brown, so its kinda like orangy brown with a tint of pink.

35. long or short hair: This is a hard question because my hair is a mega floof. So it looks short but when i flat iron it its fairly long.

36. do you have a crush on someone?: Honestly.... I think so.

37. what do you like about yourself?:  Im not a huge fan of my outsides (my appearance) but i love my insides. I think im hella funny, and goofy but i know im not very pleasant to look at. But thats okay ☺

38. want any piercings: I already have my snake bites and 2 holes in each ear, but im dying to have my bellybutton, eyebrow, and either my nipples or tongue done. (Maybe a double helix UGH i dont know)

39. blood type: i think im AB positive?

40. nicknames: Jae, JJ, Jada, Scoob, scooberndude, bug, beb, moose, little angry one, you.  

41. relationship status: Taken.

42. zodiac: imma Capricorn.

43. pronouns: I mostly go by They/them, but im okay with her/she too.

44. fave tv show: Ive re-discovered 'Dan vs. Everything' and im in love.

45. tattoos: ive got 4, 1 on my left arm, 2 of my right. And one on the back of my neck (i should just face reveal and show them honestly i get asked about them so much)

46. right or left handed: left handed (imma diamond in the rouge)

47. ever had surgery: GOD NO.

48 . piercings: Yep like i said before. Ove got 6, my snake bites and 2 in each ear.

49. sport: I USE to play baseball amd hockey. (I was also on a roller derby team if that counts)

50. vacation: I haven't been on vacation since i was 8.

51. trainers: No.

more general

52. eating: I was told that you should drink water 20 minutes before eating, because dehydration can feel like hunger. I started doing that like a week ago and ive eaten maybe 4 times since 😂

53. drinking: Water 😎 (hydration is sexy, yall should go get some)

54. im about to watch: myself post this amd regret it.

55. waiting for: my mom to get home so i can come put of my room.

56. want: More records.

57. get married? After some consideration, probably not ever gonna happen.

58. career: i dunno yet, i just know i wanna go to film/art school!

59. hugs or kisses: keeses 😙

60. lips or eyes: The eyes.

61. shorter or taller: i dont really mind either, evidentally though its always tall because im short as fuck.

62. older or younger: Still doesnt really matter to me, as long as they aint a pedo.

63. nice arms or stomach: Arms, because i love being held.

64.  hookup or relationship: a relationship where you pretend not to know each other and "hook up"

65. troublemaker or hesitant: im not really either? Like im not very shy, but im not so far out there that i get in trouble.

66. kissed a stranger: Thats how you get hepatitis.

67. drank hard liquor: Yes, i still would but i get hella nervous about it (im a stoner not a drinker eeeeh)

68. lost glasses: yep! Thats why i dont have them now.

69. turned someone down: Not really. No one has ever asked me out before :/

70. sex on the first date: im a hoe and proud, but this is a major no no.

71. broken someones heart: i think so... But they broke all of me first.

72. had your heart broken: Ive had alot more than just my heart broken.

73. been arrested: Yes i was arrested when i was 9.

74. cried when someone died: Ive been crying over David Bowie for 2 years now, yes.

75. fallen for a friend: This is the only way i can get into a relationship

do you believe in…

76. yourself: Yes! I can do the thing!

77. miracles: Sadly no, ive never had one happen for me.

78. love at first sight: Kinda? Like it starts out as "i wanna punch your face in" at first site, and THEN i fall in love.

79. santa clause: yes because my papa is santa.... I seen it.

80. kiss on a first date: i always barf if someone tries to kiss me on the first date. (Not because it grosses me out but because i got bad anxiety lol)

81. angels: Absolutly because all my friends are angels 💓

82. best friend’s name: I... I dont have one? (Does my twin count? Her name is Dawn)

83. eye color: Green!

84. fave movie: Probably Pretty in Pink.

85. fave actor: Lesie motherfucking Jones! This girl is amazing, she went to an art school in Colorado for a basketball scholarship and ended up in theater and on SNL instead. I aspire to be cool enough to earn my way onto SNL.

I should tag some peepes: @trashmouthmissy @spaghetti-head-eds , @thegreatwhiteferret , @beepbeepbongoboyy , and anyone else who wants to do this can and tag me saying i tagged you 😎

[sadrien]

wanna chat? pt.18

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18

hey so its been a while

im in a really crappy mental place and like my entire life is drowned in discourse right now (specifically today) and its making me an anxious mess. so today i slept, avoided the discord app as much as possible, only spent like 20 minutes total on tumblr, and worked on this. its bad but i need proof that today was worth it so *jazz hands*

pluto is better than u = alya, space bro = nino, trappist = adrien, galaxy print = mari

1:15

pluto is better than u: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ikWb_Xjako pour one out for vine

 6:48

space bro: alya i love you but why do you never sleep like my dude

7:08

pluto is better than u: rip vine u were a good

 8:03

space bro: yo mari you coming today

 8:17

pluto is better than u: hello hello hellloooooooooo

PM between trappist and galaxy print

trappist: I’m assuming you aren’t going to class today I’m going in late because of a photoshoot, but I can swing by during lunch with work if you want some? Or later tonight? Just let me know <3

13:31

galaxy print: So rry Ij ust woke up Holy  on I cant typ ern Oh go d

space bro: oh man dude are you ok????

pluto is better than u: D: D: D: mari ur worst than me when im sleep deprived

galaxy print: FIght me alys

pluto is better than u has changed their name to alys

galaxy print: Fucck you

alys: i luvve u

galaxy print: Im gonn a vough on you Couhg Cough FUck

space bro: im guessing youre sick

galaxy print has changed their name to cough cough

cough cough: Ye

alys: babe :(

space bro: feel better mar!! you arent missing anything much its all boring

alys: ummm IM LONELY thats important!!!!!

cough cough:  you ve got the boys right in fornt of you Front

alys: yeah but :’(

space bro: want us to drop your work off at your place after school dude?

cough cough: No I dont want towork

trappist: I’m already on it You two can tag along if you want though

cough cough: D: Nooooo I dont awnt it My hea d hursts

space bro: we can come over and chill with you

alys: CUDDLES

space bro: ^^^

cough cough: Im siCK I dont want you gettin s ick too

alys renamed this conversation to “boo you whore”.

space bro: back at it again with the american memes

alys: mean girls is not restricted to one country it is Iconic and international and also timeless

cough cough: Can you qote the hwole movie?

space bro: mari dude go back to bed like ily but rest my man

alys: nah i cant but marsh can

cough cough: Wha t

space bro: hold up

alys: B)

trappist has changed their name to glen coco

glen coco: I guess it’s natural for parents to cry on their kid’s first day of school But you know this usually happens when the kid is five I’m sixteen And until today I was homeschooled

space bro: alright damn confession time ive only seen like half of mean girls

alys removed space bro from this group.

cough cough: Ru de

alys: not seeing mean girls is an insult to my honor

cough cough: Ok princ e zuko

glen coco added space bro to this group.

alys: hmmm who would b the zuko of our group antagonist turned  good hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

space bro: first of all fuck you alya

alys: ;*

space bro: second of all what are we doing now?? i thought we were on mean girls

alys: the gorup chat stops for no one babe

cough cough: I dont think any of us arE Zuko???

glen coco: Yeah, as much as I love Zuko I don’t think I’m even remotely close to him Not honor driven enough

alys: not angsty enough

space bro: i dunno adrien cn be pretty angsty

alys: poll time say aye if you had a crush on prince zuko growing up not book 1 zuko that was some bullshit were talking book 3 redemption arc zuko the Good Shit cause aye as fuck

space bro: aye

glen coco: Aye

cough cough: ay e

alys: im glad were friends

 15:03

glen coco: Hey Mari we’re on our way

 15:10

alys: if ur unconsciou s can i nap w u im wiped

space bro: shes not gonna answer if shes asleep babe also just joining her for a nap is weir d

alys: im standing right next to u insult me 2 my face u coward

space bro: ok

glen coco: Mari I hope you’re awake because please save me from these two

 15:43

cough cough: Ye I wasnt awak e My he ad hurt sstill and my eyes got like Stuck shut????? Tmi?

alys: nothings tmi when it comes to u <3

space bro: id like to argue that there are in fact somethings that ARE tmi but yaeh this isnt one of them were chilling in the park across the street cause your mom said you were asleep she offered to just take your hw but we said wed wait to explain it all

alys: pfff theres no explanation needed we just wanted 2 see u

cough cough: Ugh you dindt have to do that I dont want to ge tanyone sick

space bro: you wont!!!

cough cough: You odnt know htat!!!

PM between cough cough and glen coco

glen coco: Obviously patrol for tonight is canceled

cough cough: :( TIkki said shed leave if I tired to go Tried And i STarted cryin g

glen coco: Aww Mari She wouldn’t leave you she just wants you to take care of yourself Tikki loves  you too much to leave you

cough cough: Im going to start crying again

glen cooc: D: NOT my intention!!! Do you need a hug??

cough cough: NO BECAUS E IM SICJK DONT CME NEAR M E

glen coco: We’re in your living room and on our way up

cough cough: nooooooooo :’( Im gross and crying rnight now why eould you do thsi to me

glen coco: Because we love you and you definitely need a hug right now And maybe more medication

cough cough: This s the wors thting to ever happen ot m e

glen coco: Knock knock

cough cough: :/

16:21 in boo you whore

cough cough: I hate yoiu all Thanks for coming over <3 <3

alys: <3

space bro: of course dude!! you looked like you needed the company

cough cough: If you all get sick you can tblam e me I told you not to come near me Cuddling mgihtve been too much

glen coco: Cuddling is never too much

alys: ^^^

space bro: ditto

 22:44

alys: hello? 112? yeah fuck my life and everything in it

space bro: you think i can bribe hawkmoth into taking a day off

PM between cough cough and glen coco

cough cough: Oh no

glen coco: Do not

cough cough: I have to??? I feel like Im gonna fall over THe world is spinny Oh n o

glen coco: I fight the akuma, you do nothing until you absolutely have to We can’t have you falling off a roof or something

cough cough: Do you think if I just cry at the akuma itll purify itself

glen coco: We can try

cough cough: :(

#miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #mariette dupain cheng #nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #wanna chat #my fics

[rqs902]

.

i think its nice to see how much the kids really respect and admire and ask questions from yixing. its cool to hear that he thinks ycw is dancing well for having just started in feb 2019. 

AH he specifically said jin fan sang well :’) and he said jin fan should be a good older brother!!!! my heart !!!!! ugh and “感覺靳凡還蠻想跳的" he actually like knows jin fan so well !!!

man i also wish jin fan could dance more !!! can we pleeeassee make it happen next stage?? can we also talk about how quiet jin fan is though? i literally feel like everyone is talking around him and about him but he only says like 2 words. :( its sad to me because theyre saying nice things and all, but he doesnt get a say at all, and i know he can be way more lively and outgoing than this but he tends to get all quiet in front of the teachers and the camera :( i feel like this is a common problem for the tygers and it frustrates me bc it feels like theyre too passive and not confident enough, and it hinders people from noticing them and recognizing their skills. 

oof hearing huang enyu’s practice room version of his opening lines just HITS ME IN THE FEELS. his voice is so nice, doesnt need any add-ons, like yixing said

wait im watching the 30 min mv and i didnt think id need to rant about until now, but im halfway through and it was going aightttttt, my main qualm so far has been that the songs they picked dont showcase the vocals well??? like the kids don’t sound very good, which is bugging me bc i know they can sing well.... and like, okay i expected the acting is played by gjm’s favorite kids, okay im not surprised, so im not even that salty that lin mo (DESPITE BEING POPULAR) got ignored for a main role again. im slightly annoyed that xikan (of all people) isnt in a more important role, bc he deserves it and his fans are probably angry af. (at least, they should be) his popularity is a significant contributor to any minor relevance this show manages to have, but it feels like they just tagged his name onto the very end of the trainees who were introduced at the beginning as an afterthought to appease his fans. i was also a little miffed that they pretend like they’re including some of the others by putting he yijun in the background while focusing on zuo ye’s face, or calling out kou cong’s name like theyre pretending to recognize oh yea he’s here and he’s good at dancing, thanks for the reminder. but whatever, im honestly not too mad bc i dont have high expectations for tygers to get big roles, and the acting kids are not that bad and im just glad ive been able to see some closeups of lin mo and zhan yu’s faces already, and im okay with the storylines so far EXCEPT 

once i got to the part where zlj’s mom comes to visit and those random fangirls are calling out / holding signs for yang zixin and tell her that zlj is not popular. THAT triggered me. it’s like an insult to kids like zixin, and all the kids who are even less popular than zixin. zixin literally got 0.5 seconds of screentime during his singing line prior to this, like noticeably less than even the other vocalist kids??? and i guess its nice they’re putting his name in, but honestly it feels like theyre making a mockery of him and the unpopular kids by saying ZLJ OF ALL PEOPLE is not popular. i literally rolled my eyes when i heard that. i cant believe youku. if theyre really trying to make a point about the unfairness of popularity among contestants, why didn’t they actually cast someone who’s not as popular for the role? 

im sad to see the acting kids also dancing during the dancing parts bc im like ??? dont you have enough screen time, shouldnt this go to someone else?? but also like where are all the other kids??? this dance doesnt even look that hard, why is there only so few kids on screen? on the other hand, how did they even pick the kids who are in the vocal part? my first thought was where’s junrong??? how can you do a vocal section without junrong?? but then i realized why arent all the vocals from 後來的我們 here?? where are xu zhaohao and li chenxu? what??? im so confused, they literally are RECOGNIZED as the vocals on this show (even tho there are other good vocals too!! im not even gonna go into that, dont get me started) but at least people KNOW those kids are good singers and yet theyre not here?? 

what is that ridiculous thing hwx is wearing wtf

omg we got 0.2 seconds of xue en screentime and he KILLED IT. 

what is this random period drama fighting scene.

i was about to say the storyline got pretty touching and i was pretty into it but then wtf is this random zuo ye and zlj fight scene. the random dance break (with THE SAME dance crew) is also quite random and im starting to think this dance crew’s scenes are literally in there to appease the fans of popular kids who didnt get big roles (LIKE XIKAN AND LIN MO) and also randomly promote other kids who are liked by youku and gjm

uh also when i heard li hao and huang enyu singing in cantonese UH WHAT EXCUSE ME?! this is just AN INSULT to xu zhaohao YET AGAIN bc come on......... everyone knows that li hao and him are THE cantonese duo on this show. and i love huang enyu and im happy he got to sing but CMON does he even speak cantonese?? (i just looked him up and hes from hangzhou so i dont think so?????? correct me if im wrong) but even if not zhaohao, there are OTHER CANTONESE VOCALS /cough/ jin fan /cough/ but okay..................... 

ugh i love huang enyu but him being magically turned into one of gjm’s favored children overnight just doesnt sit well with me. i dont want him to gain favoritism bc he begged gjm for it and gjm pitied him. i want him to gain attention because he deserves it. bc he’s a talented singer with a beautiful voice and bc hes passionate for the stage. i wish other people saw him for that too. 

wow this “MV” if you can even call it that, just left me with a strong sense of there being tiers to the favoritism. hwx is apparently on top lol but followed by all the kids with acting roles aka zy, zlj, ycw, xzx. then the next tier is the kids who are in the dancing group and then the singing group and then its the kids who got less than a second of screen time (i even saw liu cong in there lol) but then there are the rest of the kids wHO WERENT EVEN THERE. 

smh..................................... and its not even based on popularity so it literally feels so random and im ???????? how did they pick the kids??? 

i knew not to have high expectations, but at least they TRIED to put everyone in the last mv, this time, they literally DIDNT INVITE some of them to be there AT ALL. wtf????? 

ugh i was gonna go watch todays ep after this but i dont know if i can... im just mad. 

#rants #maybe i should start labeling my rants #but this one is about the vip cut from last week's snzm ep and the 30 min mv

[idksheepthoughts]

Conversations Me: you actually soft blocked me....                                   any reason why?

Her: lol the fact that you noticed this late   but it happened on accident actually and i went and unblocked               but at that point i was like lmao like she'll notice so i never mentioned it              

Me: If you hate me just say so. No need to lie.... I don't check shit like that every day but it's not that many days since I know it was maybe a week or less ... Whatever. I'm so splitting atm. So I'll shut up before I say something else             

Her: hate? when the fck did i mention that?         yes, better shut up before you stick your foot in your mouth as usual                 since i've done nothing hostile to you as if me feeling like i matter to no one and have the smallest amt of friends possible is somehow how an Attack on You.

Me: you blocked me... on "accident" how does that even happen.... i've told you tons of times that the amount of friends depends solely on yourself. and your willingness to talk to people and work past the anxiety and fear that talking to people causes. . . otherwise I wouldn't even have friends. because if i isolated and neveer talked to anyone ever first that nobody would talk to me in the first place. . . ugh whatever. i've said too much im just going to sober up and talk later i guess.... I can't always be here I try to be but like we said previously, i didn't know what to do between give you loads of attention and give you nothing at all...

Her: tumblr mobile? lol. if you can't believe me when i say that then i don't really want to talk to you since everytime i feel bad or have like, negative feelings regarding my own situations you always take it so personally (1) and then i have to dread these fcking conversations so when we've been talking normally on twitter                 it all goes to fcking shit because you can't accept that i get to feel bad and feel upset about stuff regardless of whether or not im taking actions to help myself in my own way at my own pace...doesn't mean you get to think that i hate you so i blocked you      because what the fuck how does it work when we've been chatting like everyday on twitter?                   and it was (what i thought) fine? good? (2) if it really was the case i wouldve blocked you here or just flat out deleted since then i'd only have one fucking follower :) so just. let me have emotions. and don't assume things. this is so funny because i remember you getting mad at me months ago for the same exact thing   and here we are, situations reversed  

Me: BECAUSE i have a huge fear of abandonment.... it was fine but this stuff even if its an accident just idk .... i guess you never saw how much abandonment even if its an accident sends me into depressive spirals??? have i ever left you no. i've been distant yes but i've never full on unfollowed or left... idk you block me a lot and delete and it hurts every time.                                    

Her: "even if" can you believe me????? first off???? (3) and no you havent god if it was such a problem just follow me and then ask me about it because why would i lie lol (4) i don't like friendships built on lies i'll never talk to someone like that genuinely   i have insecurities too. i have enough

Me: ok it was an accident.

Her: i didn't even think it was a problem first off considering all those people you put on your thanksgiving post. and then you never noticed/messaged me about so i was like k, so that's that! and just talked w/ you normally here  (5)           so let's just accept the fact that we've got our problems and there's better ways to handle this than assuming motives

Me: so you did change url because of that post??? like my paranoid ass thought???? i was right on that???? cause i noticed that and was like... maybe its not related but was it????? cause I just want to know... im not mad at that at all just... i want to not assume things atm.    and i notice stuff slowly because I try not to fall into obsessive traits. its not healthy to check who im following or who is greyed out or blocked every single day. . . I try to just let things be but when I do notice stuff i can't help but explode. I tried to be calm by just asking why.... but i clearly failed at that. its whatever. I followed back. if it happens again just like.. tell me please??? this stuff makes me so close to slitting my wrist                                    

Her: no, i changed my url because i was sitting on that url for a while and i wanted to use it              

Me: okay, it was just a paranoid thought.                             

Her: well, i really, really, really, don't like when you start assuming things even after i tell you or not believing me. we've been friends for how long? does it mean nothing? you'd think i'd lie at this point? x____x       (6) .those thoughts make me want to die      

Me: i'm sorry for thinking irrationally, but with how many people just up and leave, all the time even with being friends for long periods its hard not to jump to conclusions. I am in the wrong for falling into my own paranoid thoughts. You explained things and I don't believe that you are lying so its fine.                        

Her: oh, now you believe me                     after i have to hold your hand when i'm upset (7) whatever i'm probably not going to follow back because i hate that i have no friends and my mutuals ignore all my posts when i try to put myself out there     it's gotten to a point where i can't post stuff on tumblr anymore because i know no one gives a shit             like even as happy as i am about my commission i know if i post that on my tumblr i'll make the artist seem bad when no one likes my post  idc. i'm bitter and alone and probably always will be because i don't have any friends aside from you o/                           like, be grateful you even have that many people to be grateful for   (8)      i'd kill for it i feel like dying when i think about this and i think about it a lot     but ofc i don't moan about it anywhere except on this stupid fucking twitter account                   where you seem ot think i live a dandy life   (9)                                    it fcking sucks bc im trying my best!                                           anyways im done lol           oh and then you post shit like *Edit* (Screenshot of some tags where I said I always listen to people but nobody likes listening to me so I talk to my cats a lot which is true because I’m a burden and i hate bothering people with my problems so much)                    that when you damn well no i have no one else to listen to except you online      and we've been civil lately                         but ok! i guess i don't care!  because im living it up!       #sarcasm    (10)

Me: you havent followed me in probably over 10 or so months, whenever i remade, cause i don't think you followed me when i delteed either,  i didn't expect a follow back at all. i just expect us to be not mutuals but still friends? THEN TALK TO PEOPLE TALK TO PEOPLE AND TALK TO PEOOPLE thats all i did was work past my fears and talk to people and some stuck around some didn't. i dont know what else to say. some of those people haven't actually spoken to me in months either but im still grateful for them. I have nothing else to really advise on that other than you gotta put the talking in first. thats all i've done and its somehow managed to not fuck it up for this long??? i dont think i've had any friend longer than whenever we started being friends... so around 2 years...    

Her: no offense but just talking to people doesn't do shit :) but seriously, thanks :)       (Phone lagged) So I repeated my previous message by accident)                           

Her: yeah probably the only reason you havent fucked it up is because i dont want to be fucking alone and i dont give up easily so ive stayed with this even fi you make me feel like fucking shit when this happens   & since you said nothing to everything else i just said i guess im right :)             god im over this i dont want to fight and i dont want to talk to you becaus eim always explaining my problems and you just like. tell me the same shit each time as if it'll magically do stuff   liek the fact that im trying doesnt mean anything                 i dont wanna talk to you if its always going to be like this ill take the goddamn loss and be lonely while youve got your fucking harem of friends idc if its an exaggeration the point is everyone i considered a friend has just stopped talking to me completely and the only thing i get here is you telling me what to do like i need cold hard instructions for making a friend  

ME: Harem??? You know nothing about anything. Ya know what..... forget it. If it's better I don't say anything because nothing I says helps and  I'm a broken record. You want to assume because I tagged a lot of people doesn't mean I wasn't just fishing for validation. Me trying to help is just being a dumb mistake. I can't help anyone and why I try is also confusing because I am pointless. I'm keeping you in my note regardless you have been here and listened and that hadn't changed.  But if this is just going to explode it's going to explode. All I do is ruin everything and I don't even care anymore I'm going to buy a gun soon anyways. So what's the point in trying to make something work. I've always been a shit friend and it's just not worth it to you at this point. So okay.                   

Her: HERE let me qutoe for you something    "idc if its an exaggeration"                                      ^^^^^^^             unlike you im aware when im being irrational lmao    (11)     apparnetly you get to be and i dont                             thats how it always is            did you ever think about it feels for me   when my only friend does shit like this constantly    like lmao                                ofc not bc why would you consider anything from my point of view  this conversation is over until you want to stop fucking assuming i dont care       LOL     and acting as if me letting you go is the best thing that could happen to me       like we couldnt j ust talk on twitter and let it fucking be but you have todrag it all in at least i get to get stuff off my chest thats the only fucking good that comes out of this  like you dont get that you telling me the same thing hurts because it doesnt fucking work and i dont have any fucking friends  i have college to deal with and studies and that pressure but you dont know the half of it?    but you just want to assume, assume, assume   (12) i cried already out of anger    

Me: I didn't have friends in college either                                 

Her: big offense but i dont want to continue this conversation

ME: Okay

Her: unles syoure willing to admit to your bullshit       because ima lways doing that and im always getting the end of your shit      

Me: I am made of nothing but bullshit I'm nothing but a huge fucking shit storm and I always will be. You should have left a long time ago because I don't know how to not be toxic   It's not That I won't be upset by you leaving far from it but you deserved better people and maybe if you had left and kept trying as you have been things will turn around. Because literally everyone that has ever done that with me ended up fine and in a good spot. I hold people back. And that's all I can think of. I ruin other people's lives by being in it. And I've certainly made your life worse. And I'm just better off dead because I am a selfish fucking loser.     I'll shut up now.

#personal #conversations #am I in the wrong??? #my perception of reality is very bad #I wish I could tell easily when im being irrational #but i feel like im also just being belittled and treated poorly in her responses too #i am toxic #bad friends #idk ... man #there is a lot i want to say to certain points I might edit and respond with my thoughts now that I am no longer intoxicated #long post