#my perception of reality is very bad

[vzajemnik]

doslownie szukanie pracy gdzie mieszkam vs w miescie moich rodzicow to sa 2 zupelnie rozne swiaty i nie moge sie przestac smiac z tego. ale also mega crazy i scary

#🗞️ #wont elaborate further its just!!!!!!! so funny #tbh going back to my parents for a bit doesnt seem half bad but also i am deeply depressed and i think desperate for like. anything to keep #me alive while also super self destructive so my perception of reality is very very skewed

[be-good-to-bugs]

when i feel very lonely i get fizzled out of doing anything after less than an hour

#the bin #been feeling much more lonely since moving into this apartment and i cant draw bc of it #cause i have trouble continuing things i was drawing earlier. when i try im filled with this horrible exhaustion and sadness #its easier to feel better when im living more alone because i can play music or walk around and talk to myself and try to make things #brighter for me but when im living with someone especially someone who i really dislike its just impossible to do #and worse i have to hear them be here which just makes me feel even worse #ugh. my relationship with my sister has gone from bleh to awful. her absolute refusal to take me into consideration for anything including #bringing people over at nogjt without even telling me at all. the last straw. absolutely the last straw #hey yknow id love it if in the middle of the noght when i want a snack and dont wanna get all dressed id like to know theres someone here #cause id rather not them need the bathroom the same time and im just in my underwear. but noooo i dont have the need to know theres #some other person in my facking home. nope not my right #the thing where she insists she tells me that she was gonna have someone over when she didnt has been pissing me off a lot because she #uses the fact i have a poor memory to say why actually i misremembered..shes like well ur perception of reality sucks so u THINK u #remember correctly but actually u totally dont but like. im not having problems rememberi g other things like that right now. and i #distinctly remember these conversations and i always make not of when someoens gonna be here and when you tell me i remember #and theres so much proof that she also forgets stuff. but i honestly think she might be intentionally lying abt it because she forgot #to ask or didnt want me to say no. well i am saying no. idc if theyre already here. yall can go hangout elsewhere bc i wasnt told abt tjis #and i deserve to have quiet in my own home. its literally all i have. #ive been feeling like maybe shes not so bad. people grow and change and sometimes you dontjat in different directions #and you dont get along well anymore. i hear her say to other people that im still her favorite person so its very one sided abt this #honestly though its not just that we dont get along well anymore but nobody is at fault because she is at fault #its not like i never let her bring people over. i do. im just askingmthat im notified first. and her response to forgetting or choosing not #to tell me is to use my mental health things against me to say im just too mentally ill to knoq if i remember tnings cleatly #then how come tnis only ever happens with this thing or cleaning stuff? it ONLY rver happens with stuff that she wouldve needed to tell me #about that are important. oh an important bill i needed to know abt but u didnt tell me? i did but u forgot. #but never anything else. its only ever tnings that she would be in the wrong for not telling me about if she hadnt. thats it #so yonow im thinking maybe. u didnt tell me. which wouldnt blther me so much if she didnt just say actually i did but ur schizophrenia #made u forget wow ur so insano haha #ugh. she sucks. literally dont even wanna built legos with her even tho the set is cool as fuck bc being around her sucks #wow sorry for my many many many tags complaining about my sister. living with her is awful :/

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

I guess maybe cause we have a lot of the same issues & he was around recently before I started fronting, but I think about Loki a lot sometimes, n how drastically he changed during the time he was co-host.

How desperate for connection n approval he is, when like me he's also just. On a different wavelength than most people around us. Never could figure out the problem but he used to be so much more likely than the rest of us to try n take interest in other people's interests, to go out of his way to do things for em, but somehow just mostly got it wrong n was met with criticism instead. Or ignored, but that's also what happened when he (at least as far as we could tell) got it right. I'd get it if it caused more work for the people instead of being helpful, but it was always useless at worst?

Like idk maybe him pointing out the things came off as him...expecting praise for some very basic or low effort things he did or something? But it was never about that, he just wanted to be seen. He was just as if not more content seeing people even a little bit happy about it than he was being thanked. He just wanted the connection.

He burnt out n stopped trying pretty fast. He doesn't do things for others anymore. He might, if he's directly asked to n given enough info that he trusts he won't fuck it up somehow, but it goes to the absolute bottom of his priorities. He doesn't try to strike up conversation, definitely not about things he's not into but the other person at least was at some point. Just...doesn't try to connect. His life's on a parallel line to anyone else's n sometimes there might be a brief, coincidental overlap but it doesn't mean much anymore.

I more or less started out from that point. Maybe that's partially where this constant fucking feeling of isolation came from. I don't like being asked to do anything. I'm hyperaware of being ignored n what kinda topics that happens with. I face everything n everyone with the assumption they don't care about anythin I have to say unless it's in (the right kinda) response to what they're saying, though even then I need to learn to cut it off at one or two sentences. It's supposed to be a reply, not a conversation. That when people speak to me they want to talk to me, not with me. Acknowledge it to show you're listening n invested but don't take up time. Which...funnily enough is exactly what Val's always told me. I kinda hate how my ADHD tendency to ramble still gets out of hand all the damn time n I only catch it when it's too late, n how my natural way of processing things is by talkin about em.

I mean. I'm assuming there's gotta be somethin that I'm reading wrong in the situations. Somethin that makes what I say or do weird n I guess off-putting. It's not a new problem, it's (part of) why we never had that many friends n when we did they usually got sick of us after a couple of years. But no one will tell us what it is n after over 20 years of tryin to crack it we're just fucking tired. I know it's some kinda personality disorder + neurotype + trauma combo but it just doesn't feel worth it try anymore when it takes so fucking much energy to try n get it right just for the Russian roulette of havin either a genuine interaction or a new step in my downward spiral. I just got no way to know which one it's gonna be til it happens n a lot of the time I end up wishing I didn't take the risk. I'm too fucking fragile for it.

#with the exception of the partner system. in loki's case especially B in my case especially herald #like i know the feeling of disconnect n being somehow Inherently Different than everyone else is a trauma symptom #especially common with like. childhood emotional neglect #so it's probably not entirely reality based at this point #but for whatever reason it's like....sometime around the time cloud or loki started fronting it started gettin worse n worse #i know it's a schema or some shit but it's. constantly getting reaffirmed instead of us working through it #& i know it's somethin we should talk about in therapy more in depth but whenever we try we choke up so bad we can't make a sound #especially cause anytime we try to talk about it to anyone else than the bf we're pretty much told our perception must be wrong somehow #n it's not like i'm tryin to put blame on anyone or say it's some kinda intentional conspiracy against us? #the only common denominator is us so why would we try to pin it on someone else? #& if our perception is really that off then i mean that'd be the answer. there's something so severely wrong with our brain that we both #repeatedly don't see or hear it when we're being responded to and hallucinate people talkin when they actually don't #which i'm pretty sure would mean we need to be on antipsychotics like asap #this btw is an open invitation to let us know if we are legit reacting to interactions no one else can see or hear #cause the most i'm aware of is the way i sometimes ask people if they said somethin cause i thought i heard someone talk #n that's very much not it. but idk. it's kinda hellish to be an extrovert in a brain that's broken in this specific way. #spdrvent

[cy-cyborg]

The Jaws Effect and what it means for media representation

The Jaws Effect is the name of a phenomenon that described the panic and fear that sprang up around sharks, fuelled by Steven Spielberg's movie, Jaws. While the fear of sharks and other marine predators had always been a thing, Jaws launched the fear of sharks, and Great White Sharks in particular, to new (and mostly unfounded) heights. Most people will never encounter a real-life shark and so their only knowledge about the creatures come from movies and other forms of entertainment. Entertainment that largely portrayed them as mindless, unfeeling killing machines. After Jaws, sharks became a staple in the creature-feature genre of movies, which only perpetuated the idea of sharks as dangerous monsters even further, reigniting and reconfirming the beliefs the public held about them in the process. These ideas about sharks are, of course, not true, but the misconception and fear has had a real, observable impacts on shark populations, shark conservation efforts and even laws and legislations surrounding sharks and shark conservation around the world.

Ok but Cy, this is a blog about disability and disabled representation, what do sharks have to do with anything you talk about? Well, Because The Jaws Effect is just one of many examples that shows how massive of an impact representation in the media can have, for better or for worse, especially when talking about subjects the public generally knows very little about.

This conversation is not unique to disability representation, nearly every person I've seen who's talked about how to write and design characters from any minority brings it up eventually, but the media we consume, the movies we watch, the books we read can all have big impacts on people's perceptions on those topics. When talking about disability specifically, it's an unfortunate reality that not many people know all that much about us, and so, much like sharks, for many, their only real exposure to disabled people is through the media they consume.

If you don't know anyone in a wheelchair, and your only knowledge of life as a wheelchair user comes from books and movies like Me Before You, of course you're going to (spoiler) come away thinking that life in a wheelchair is horrible and death is better than living like that. If you don't know any DID Systems and your only exposure to a condition like that is through movies like Split (and honestly, a number of other horror movies and crime shows) of course you'll think people with DID are unstable monsters who could become violent any moment. If your only exposure to autistic people is Music, then it's not shocking that you might think Autistic people are "trapped in their own minds," completely unaware of the world around them and lacking any kind of agency. As much as I'd like to be able to say these are "just movies" or "just books," and that if we don't like them, we can just not watch them, they all had an impact on the real world and real people's perceptions of the disabilities they depicted, as do the many, many smaller examples of bad representation.

This is why I personally spend so much time focused on the portrayal of disability in the media, why so much of my content is focused on creating resources for creators to represent us better, and why I think writers, artists and other types of creators should care about the representation they include.

Unfortunately, people believing misinformation and stereotypes, while annoying, isn't the worst of the impacts bad rep can have. If a stereotype is prevalent enough, and enough people believe it, it can both put us in harms way and cause us to loose access to things we desperately need and things designed to help us. One really common example of this is when movies and TV shows show a character getting up out of their wheelchair, and use this as proof that the person is faking being disabled. However, in reality, there are many disabilities that might mean someone has to use a wheelchair, even if they can still walk a little bit or stand up. The stereotype of someone standing up from their chair being a fake, especially when it's reinforced over and over again in the media, leads non-disabled people to believe that anyone who stands up from their wheelchair is faking, and results in a lot of real disabled people being harassed and denied things like access to disabled parking, toilets and other accessible spaces. There were even a few cases of people reporting those they see get out of their wheelchairs to Centrelink (The Australian "welfare" department, for those not familiar) as frauds, and while these investigations don't usually go far before someone realises what's happened, it has, on occasion, resulted in people loosing the income they depend on to survive, even temporarily.

But the impact of representation, of course, can go both ways.

I was in high school when the first How To Train Your Dragon movie came out, and at the time, I didn't really like people being able to see that I was a leg amputee because I was sick of kids in particular staring, pointing at me, asking their parents "what's wrong with them?" or asking me directly, "what's wrong with your legs?". I wore long skirts and big, bulky tracksuit pants to keep my legs covered, something that became dangerous in the hot Australian summer, but I didn't care.

But the impact of How to Train Your Dragon came in two ways. The first, was that it was one of the first times I'd seen an amputee (or rather, multiple amputees) who didn't keep their prosthetics covered or hidden, and it gave me the little boost in confidence I needed to do that myself and wear clothing that was more comfortable and functional. And second, the comments from children changed, albeit slightly, but enough that it was noticeable. The questions and comments went from "what's wrong with you?" to "oh cool, your legs are like Hiccup's!" I even had one little girl ask me once if I had a pet night fury. They went from being scared of me and my legs, or at the very least concerned for me, to genuinely curious and impressed. While reactions like that did become less and less common over time, they didn't fully go away either. Even today, I occasionally get young kids asking me why I have legs like hiccup. A friend of mine who was born with one arm shorter than the other and without fingers on that side had a similar experience with the movie Finding Nemo. Her disability was a bit more complex than what I described here, and she always found it hard to explain "what happened" to small children, however, after Finding Nemo came out, she was able to simply tell kids "this is my lucky fin, like what nemo has!" and that was enough to take her from someone "scary" to these kids to someone like their favourite characters.

Of course, it's much easier to see the impact positive representation can have on people's perceptions when we're talking about kids media, but it's not exclusive to it either.

When it comes to a minority like the disabled community who are so thoroughly misunderstood by the wider public, misinformation can and does spread easily. What people see and read in the media they consume plays a big roll in how people perceive the real people attached to the stereotypes. We often hear people say "Fiction imitates life" but the reverse can and often is also true, life can imitate and be influenced by fiction, and those of us creating should be mindful of this, especially when we're talking about a group of vulnerable people.

[Thumbnail ID: An illustration of a Great White Shark swimming near the rocky bottom of the ocean, surrounded by silver fish. In the bottom left corner of the image is "The Jaws Effect and what it means for media representation" in big, white bubble text. /End ID]

#Writing disability with Cy Cyborg #Disability 101 #Long Post #Disability #Disabled #Disability Representation #Writing Disability #Writing #Writeblr #Authors #Creators #Writing Advice #Disabled Characters #Disability History #On Writing #Disability in Media

[evilminji]

You know one of the purposes of Lining?

Shock Absorption.

If the Zone is the Inter- and EXTRA-Dimensional Lining, connecting, containing, and generally powering all of Multiversal Creation? The Great Primordial Soup? The Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, from which we came and too which we return?

If the Zone itself is basicly the place between Universe, where your soul goes to get washed down, cleaned up, recharged, and sent out to wherever the next random portal takes it? To BECOME whatever you happen to find? An infinte recycler and Multiversal management?

The great metaphorical Yggdrasil, grown far beyond few branches, into an incomprehensible forest of one?

Well!

That kinda changes things! And also nothing! Because it means that those who remain? Are basicly squatting in the DMV's attic. Have built bunkers, under the country's main power generator. They really SHOULD move along. Granted, there is no one to MAKE them... but like...

That's cause no one thought anyone would NEED too?

Lol. Don't they feel silly? Anyway, I'ma put MY house over-! *wander off to go squat in the rafters*

Yeah, the CONCEPTS are native. But those probably just generate naturally. It's all the Souls constantly flowing through. Lots of background Sentience and Memories and such being washed away into the air. But? Then these lil souls were like "yeah, but if THEY get to stay... me too! D:< " "no, you can-" "ME TOO" and then they stopped listening and did what they wanted.

Good thing we have literally infinte amounts of room.

T...there's so MANY, you guys.

But! Not the point here!

*smacks white board* Realities! The Die too sometimes! And get born! A beautiful process, really. You can find Reality Beads if you know When and Where to look, some times. They, OBVIOUSLY, don't last for very long. Since they are basicly just seed universe. The explosive growth takes them almost immediately out of our range of perception, as they Begin.

Foundations of all Life and such.

But good God are they MAGNIFICENT!

However, sometimes? The REVERSE happens. If you find the area of the Zone your in? Is getting... "wavey" is the best way people describe it. Distorted. Fun house mirror. As though your vision has weird wrinkles that are distorting and stretching your view of things? Get Out. FAST.

If it's only SLIGHT? Barely noticeable? You can grab your Lair. IF, and ONLY IF you are NEARBY! If not? Remember. Things can be replaced. YOU? Can not.

Cause that "wavey"-ness? Is the final stage of Realm Entropy. The universe that portion over the Zone is covering and connected too, is all hollowed out. And about to CAVE IN. You DO NOT want to be there when that happens!

Remember! You see "waves"? Fly for three days!

Get to the edge of the affected area then KEEP GOING for a full three days flight. Warn everyone in you path. We stay safe together, guy. Collapses are NO JOKE. People get... well. Let's just say it's NOT a nice way too go.

Knowing this of course? We should all be SAFE right? Respectful if Awed distance from Reality Seeds, run like he'll if "waves"? We Gucci?

.....Sooooorta.

*flips Whiteboard to other side, to reveal a cartoonishly drawn Supervillian labeled "Asshole"*

Behold! A Terrorist!

It's a charged word. Not used lightly. But THESE fuckers? Oh ho ho! THESE fuckers?! "Ooooh~! Look at MEEEEE! I'm gonna play with FORCES I DONT UNDERSTAAAAAAAND! Destabilize my whole funckin UNIVERSE! Kill countless TRILLIONS OF TRILLIONS! Cause life was bad to me personally and I'm mad about it! Wah wah wah!!" ASSHOLES!

These fuckers? Cause Collapses. Blow Outs. Weird Fucked Up Cancerous Real Growths. You ever seen the Cleaners? No? You don't WANT TOO. They are basically eldritch, deep sea, angler fish looking mother fuckers THE SIZE OF SOLAR SYSTEMS. They travel in SCHOOLS.

BIG ONES.

When Realities collapse, they "fall off" as it were. Detach. And have to get recycled. All the countless impurities of Life eaten way to a blank slate. So it too, can start again. Thus the Fish. But! They ALSO eat anything "problematic".

Like tumors. Cancers. Poisoned, Multiversal Threats. Those quote on quote "God Killers".

Yes. Yes this IS part of why you DONT want to be near a Collapsing Reality.

No I WON'T explain how I know.

I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

*smack the board with pointer* pay attention.

Jason Todd. Not! An Asshole. Sexy thighs. Fancy lil hair strip. We all miss him. But! He's off living his "no really, I'm totally alive, guys" hot girl summer or whatever. We are going to respect that! But!!! How did that happen? When he was DEFINITELY Hella dead?

Superboy Prime-y Pants. Who IS an ASSHOLE.

Because THAT fucker? PUNCHED HIS REALITY SO HARD IT NEARLY SHATTERED. Oh, no, I'm sorry! He punched SOMEONE ELSE'S reality! Because he is a tantruming MAN CHILD! And NOW? Now, Your Majesty, that WHOLE ASS Reality is more hair line cracks then border walls! One good shove? It'll cave in. Killing every soul inside.

The Cleaners are ALREADY circling.

It needs to be patched. Immediately. But that's not something normal ghosts can DO. The Zone won't LISTEN to us. Nor allocate the energy for it. The Concepts of Healing? We can't even FIND them.

We need help.

Please help them, King Phantom. You're the only one who CAN.

@hdgnj @babbling-babull @hypewinter @ailithnight @mutable-manifestation @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dc x dp #dcxdp #dc x dp prompt #Cracked Reality Au

[sunshine-jesse]

Control: The Strange Dynamics of Andy and Leyley or

The Incest End Is Not The Fucking Bad End, Stop Coping

EDIT:

Hey guys! This post is blowing the fuck up, but this was my first essay on this game, and I think I've had many more insightful things to say since then. Here's a link to a masterpost with all of my essays, which I'd definitely suggest reading after this one:

Anyways, without further adieu...

I heard a lot about this game going in. I knew the general story beats and the funny haha incest memes. I knew it was about a toxic codependent relationship where Ashley, the sister, acted like your standard overly-controlling person who used various abuse techniques to keep someone in line. I expected Ashley to be a yandere-type character where she was borderline psychotic, irrational, and had a skewed perception of reality. I expected her to be a crazy bitch, and I love me some crazy bitches.

But then I actually played through the game. ...That is not what I got.

The game advertises Andrew as a doormat extraordinaire who is strung along by his Very Not Good sister and has no agency of his own' that he's just a henpecked abuse victim. But in practice, that doesn't seem to be the case. One of their first exchanges that in the story is when the occultist played his music and Ashley wanted them to check it out. He says 'no', sure, but then he smirks and says 'but I'll come along if you do.'

That is not the dialogue of someone who has no will of their own, that's the dialogue of someone who willingly gives up their own agency.

This is not, on its own, a sign of anything out of the ordinary. What caught my attention with it, though, is how it flew in the face of the common narrative surrounding their relationship dynamic. But that's not the first time I noticed it, it's just the first time, in retrospect, that their actual dynamic begins to show. The first time I personally noticed it is in the choking scene.

There are a lot of ways to view this situation. But my own reading? This was not a crime of passion. This was not him trying to break free. This is him doing something he's thought about for a while. This is premeditated. In this scene, Andrew is done playing along with Ashley's shit. In this scene, I firmly believe Ashley is the victim.

Ashley is the more openly abusive of the two who seeks to do whatever she can to trap Andrew so he'll never leave her. That much is clear. But Andrew-

-clearly has these same tendencies. He says this shortly after Ashley mentions putting her name up on a call girl's wall for money. There's protective brotherly instincts, and then there's this. This is not something you'd threaten a sister with, this is something that a man would threaten his wife with, which is directly brought attention to in the story.

(hey look he accepts the framing of it being WIFE beating at face value, and says Ashley is the only one who makes him like that! HMMMMMMMMMM WONDER WHAT THAT IMPLIES???)

It also implies that this is not the first time physical force has been threatened! I mean, that much is obvious, because of the choking scene that happened before, but I more mean that this implies that Andrew either threatening or utilizing physical force is an established pattern of behavior. However, the Decay route implies that she never thought Andy would kill her (but Andrew would) which can either be for or against depending on one's perspective, so I don't hold to the idea that it's an established pattern too strongly.

Okay, so. Andrew has some controlling and possessive tendencies too. So what? Their relationship is codependent. It's advertised as such. What of it?

Well first of all, it pretty much blows the lid off of the idea that Ashley is the sole perpetrator of abuse in their relationship. I've seen a lot of people view Andrew's behavior as justified retaliation against abuse, but frankly, I don't believe that him threatening to strangle Ashley for violating boundaries by trying to hold him accountable for his actions (given the strangulation part happens after she brought up Nina's death and how Andrew was ultimately responsible) is justified. And I ESPECIALLY don't believe that him threatening to backhand Ashley for her transactional attitude towards sex is justified in ANY circumstance.

EDIT: This part was edited in from the original post for the sake of readability so they don't have to see the reblogs to see the updated version! This post gained more traction than I was expecting!

…But perhaps even more telling is what she DOESN'T do.

Pushing someone's boundaries until they lash out is a pretty common tactic in abusive relationships. It's easy to see why, too: It justifies prior behavior and paints them in a negative light to others. This can be an important aspect of using DARVO (deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender) against someone, although the two ideas aren't necessarily linked.

It's pretty easy to argue that this is what Ashley does, but if you look at the one time her boundary pushing DID go too far, when Andrew lashes out with physical violence… she doesn't do that. She doesn't blame him. She doesn't paint herself as the victim. She doesn't even try to give a reason as to why she shouldn't be killed outside of the comfort she gives him. Why is this notable?

Because the mom does, in fact, engage in what could be considered DARVO against Ashley:

(i will elaborate more on this screenshot in particular below)

Ashley is directly compared to Mrs. Graves by Andrew, and yet she crucially displays none of the habits that Mrs. Graves does. Mrs. Graves lays the blame on Ashley, but Ashley doesn't lay the blame on Andrew. Mrs. Graves tends to paint herself as the victim of Ashley, but Ashley does no such thing to Andrew. The mom denies her culpability at every turn; Ashley doesn't. Ashley tries to hold Andrew accountable for his role in Nina's death, which could be considered a kind of DARVO. But she never denies that she had a role to play in it. She just mentions that he was the one who pulled the trigger. And he was.

(and the point was more that she DIDN'T engage in it when threatened with physical violence; the perfect chance to)

In Mrs. Graves' mind, she is the victim of either Ashley, or society as a whole. In Ashley's mind, she knows what she is, what she does, and what she's about. The only thing she's oblivious to- or doesn't acknowledge, at least- is the threat Andrew poses to her. In her mind, she's the bad guy. In Andrew's mind, Ashley is the bad guy. In official art, she is the bad guy:

And yet, in the game itself, Andrew is the one holding the cleaver. Not her. Hm.

Ashley is the world's most convenient scapegoat. She allows people to mask their own worst habits and pretend they're better people than they are. She accepts this role. She embraces it. She doesn't try to deny it. But when that mask slips, people lash out at her. Both Mrs. Graves and Andy (NOT Andrew, crucially) predicate much of their self-perception on being what she's not.

But they're the ones who enabled her to become like this, every step of the way.

And that's what blew my fucking mind, and made me question just who the victim really is. She was never given a chance to be normal, because other people relied on her NOT being normal.

By the end of my second playthrough, I felt worse for Ashley than I did for Andrew, and I still do.

So. What am I getting at? What does this show me about the relationship between Ashley and Andrew?

(I also wanted to point out that Andrew does engage in DARVO too but I didn't want to distract from the behavior of the mother. Unlike what Andrew does, it doesn't require someone to reassess the narrative they have towards the game in order to realize the implications of it, whereas it's pretty easy to justify Andrew's words as not qualifying as DARVO if you buy into the narrative that he's the sole victim and/or that Ashley is the main perpetrator of abuse. A friend of mine pointed out that it's a pretty key part of the push/pull dynamic they have, and I completely agree.

However, the direct comparisons to the behavior of the mother can't be ignored no matter your narrative, so I felt as if I needed to highlight that more.)

EDIT OVER

It shows me that their relationship is all about control.

Specifically, the push and pull of who controls who in any given situation.

Andrew weaponizes his incompetence. He always looks to lay the blame on Ashley. This is drawn attention to several times, and said explicitly in the Decay route.

He is always surrendering control to her, and yet he never HAS to. He could always just say no. He could always refuse. What are the consequences? Her being upset? Well, unfortunately, it's not that easy. That's not how abuse dynamics work. He probably feels like he has to, or rather, feels like there's no other option. That he's in too deep, and stuck with her no matter what. But personally, I think it's pretty clear from his willingness to surrender control to Ashley that he still feels like he has it at points, because the moment he feels like he's about to lose it, he either considers violence, even as a child-

(the actual scene of slicing her finger is pretty sus too with this reading in mind)

-or resorts to it, outright, in both the choking scene and the vision in the Decay ending... when Ashley doesn't have enough bullets to defend herself (this will be important later!).

SO WHAT POINT AM I TRYING TO MAKE??? AM I JUST MAKING ABUSE APOLOGIA (the answer may surprise you)?

No. I don't think so.

Ashley is obviously very bad. She's controlling and uses pretty textbook abuse and entrapment tactics on Andrew whereas everything he does to her is inference, with Ashley too daft to realize just how much danger she's in until the vision in the Decay ending spells it out for her- and I don't know if a true abuse dynamic allows for one to be completely unaware of the consequences of breaking free. She could just let go of her desire for control and Andrew would be a much happier person.

And that's the point, because so would she.

I bring up control because that push and pull- that desire for control over each other- is exactly what's tearing their relationship apart, and this effect most obviously manifests in the two endings of episode 2. In the Decay ending, Ashley either tries to exert control over Andrew due to a lack of trust, or Andrew allows his feelings of entrapment to truly take root in his mind and guide his actions. In the Decay ending, Andrew becomes a true doormat with no will of his own, allowing his feelings of bitterness and resentment to fester and grow, eventually resulting in their deaths.

In the Burial ending, Andrew does the exact opposite. He takes control of the situation and does exactly what Ashley would do without much of a fuss. This eventually culminates in THAT scene (assuming you take the Questionable route), where his facial expression alone speaks volumes:

Look at how fucking confident this man is. This is not the face of someone who's unsure of himself; this is the face of someone who knows exactly what he wants and takes it. He is absolutely in control of this situation, and everyone is happier for it.

And what does Ashley have to do to get this ending?

Let's go back to Decay for a moment. If Ashley has bullets in her gun, she has control over the situation. She, at any point, could put an end to Andrew and survive. And yet, at the very end of it all, she could choose not to. She could choose to surrender control to Andrew, allowing herself to die. And that ending, I believe so much of his life and willpower will have decayed that there's nothing left for him to take control of, leaving him no choice- or rather, no use for the control he now has- but to die with her.

And in the Burial ending, she has to let him out of his cage before it's too late. She has to surrender control to him, and when she does-

-He will become everything she ever needed him to be.

It's all about her surrendering control, and it's all about him taking control. Because, no matter what, as long as that happens... the two of them will be together forever.

In life...

...or in death.

How romantic.

So no, the incest end is not the fucking bad end. They're going to be together forever in the end either way, so they might as well live through it.

#gaming #the coffin of andy and leyley #gravecest #ashley graves #andrew graves #someone help me i can't stop thinking about this fucking game

[thesirencult]

PAC READING : WHO HAS A CRUSH ON YOU?

1---2

3---4

PILE 1

The Tower, The Fool

This is someone you would never expect to have feelings for you. You view them as distant, private an cold towards you and others. There is something magnetic to them and, at times, they let their cold façade go. Then, you get to experience a different side of them. They may have played with children in front of you or taken care of an elderly person, assisting them to cross the street. This person loves animals and has a soft spot for them. This reminds me of a strong, tall man who build a sanctuary for chihuahuas after his wife left him. Now he takes care of them and encourages other men to break the stereotype and adopt a smaller dog.

So, this person could also be tall and either lanky or lean-muscular. Others see them as intimidating and may try to avoid them in social situations (like coworkers not inviting them out for a drink after work).

I don't think they'll express themselves. They feel very ashamed of their feelings for you and believe that you see them as "not good enough". This has nothing to do with the way you treat them and has everything to do about their own perception of themselves.

They are very innocent at heart and get hurt when people exclude them. This tells me that you must have treated them like your "chihuahua". You are the one who encourages them and offers help or a few kind words. They love your kind and sweet nature but it's hard for them to show their true emotions. You will notice them get shy and anxious around you, like a little kid. Give them a chance by letting them get closer to you.

PILE 2

Judgement, The Magician, 5 Of Wands

This person is very fair and just. They will love every single inch of you and they won't shy away from telling you that. You see yourself as "not being good enough" and the person who has a crush on you will pick up on how you feel immediately. They will try to get you to see your beauty and will get sad when you talk bad about yourself. They just don't understand how someone as perfect and beautiful as you doesn't realise their own strength and beauty.

This person is a master manifestor. They just know how to alchemize energy and change their physical reality. They will see that you have this ability too and they will admire how you are trying to forge your own path. They have probably manifested you into their lives and they'll idolize you a lot.

If there is an age gap (5+), this person will try to hold back and act as a mentor towards you but, they are very competitive with others and possessive. Their feelings will shine through when they sense someone else trying to get with you. You'll notice their absurd behaviour, call them out and they will just kiss you.

"I'll show you why I'm acting this way." And then smooch 💋.

PILE 3

Queen Of Cups, 7 Of Pentacles, 5 Of Pentacles

Okey-dokey! My sweet Pile 3, if you are not into girls or feminines, I would advise you to choose another pile. Otherwise, if you choose to stay, this energy could resonate with your personal journey towards love and abundance.

I'm seeing a very sweet soul waiting for you. This energy is very light and free-flowing. You may not have met this person yet, because of divine timing. I'm getting that when you meet them it will be "love at first sight". You'll catch them doing something random, like picking up a dumbbell at the gym or petting a dog, or even voting (?).

This "exchange" from afar will drive you crazy cause you will know nothing about this person and you'll think you will never see them again. I see that fate has other plans for you.

This feminine is your future spouse and she is very into personal development at the moment. They will be preoccupied with finances and they are trying to clear up "abundance blocks".

At first, they will seem reserved and preoccupied with other things. You'll exchange a few looks and sparks will be flying, so this is a case of a reciprocated crush.

They are quite happy with being by themselves and working on their coins and foundations for their future. I bet you'll hear them talk about that and you'll think "Baby don't worry, I'm your future 💋."

Slowly you'll start talking and I hope you make the next step otherwise they'll never ever let you in.

But, after you get closer to them, you'll realize that they are a very deep and wise person and not just sunny all the time. Actually you'll think of them as darker and lunar. You will love their passion and mysterious disposition. Be their fearless protector and their rock to climb up to and watch the sunrise.

PILE 4

The Hierophant, 9 Of Cups, Queen Of Pentacles

Right now you are going through a "level up" phase. I don't even know why you are waisting your time here. Lol. You are quite independent, fierce and unstoppable. You are also trying to manifest someone like you.

The person who will soon come towards and confess their crush on you is not someone overly "hard". They are quite dreamy and soft. They like ice-cream and long walks. They will take you on romantic dates and worry that you don't like the scenery because you are not talking that much.

This person sees you as a boos b*tch. They admire you and have put you in a pedestal. I'm hearing "Let me service you Queen.". They like "ice-cream" ! Oh my! This person really wants you and they would jump through hoops to get to you.

They'll pass all your tests with flying colours and you will keep wondering how they are such a good match for you. Let them feel like you are in control and they'll submit to you.

#tarot #tarot reading #astrology #pick a card #pick a pile #pac reading #pick a photo #pick a picture #soulmate #future spouse #source:thesirencult

[zackius]

Adam SMUT HEADCANON

(It's my first work and English is not my native language, be indulgent and correct me if the grammar is bad lol)

It’s quite Adam with his virginity kink than his general smut headcanon lol

This man has a HUGE kink on virginity, if you're not one he would not really pay attention, he understands that you had fun before him, I mean, everyone’s kinda hot here lol.

However, if you are one, oh boy yes, this man is going crazy

Understand him he has abandonment issues, even if you can't really tell at first, he was really broken when Lilith AND Eve left him for another man.

He just wants to be important to someone and the only one and this goes through virginity.

NOBODY touched you? No man or woman? He's the first and only one who's going to see, touch, and please your body? This drives him CRAZY

You didn't fuck before actually being in a relationship with him, you seemed quite negative about that and he respected your boundaries, he didn't want to rush it all because he loves you.

Nevertheless, when you got officially into the relationship, of course, the subject was going to happen naturally.

So one day, you were together, laying on his belly and watching a comedy while criticizing it: "I fucking understand why this man broke up with this stupid bitch ! Sex is important as fuck ! I'm on his side !"

He was getting angry as always and continued to shout but froze up when he saw your blushing face, avoiding any eye contact with him. He kinda messed up and stuttered "B-Babe that's not what I meant ! Yeah it's important but I'm not a fucking dickhead I can wait !"

You were staring at him in embarrassment " You know, I'm not against doing it, I'm just not ready since I never did that"

Now that's his turn to be red. His eyes widen as he watches you "fuckkk-"

"You should've told me before but damnn-" a smirk started to appear on his face, quite a pervert smirk in your opinion.

You didn't know if it was a big deal or not, you always wanted to wait for the right man and he's the one in front of you.

"Babe we're going to wait as long as your little body is going to be ready for me ~" he purred “Adam !” his arms moved slowly around your hips. His big hands on your smaller body, you skipped a breath

You haven't done anything this night but you noticed that this man was getting horny as fuck. It was not oppressive of course, he would not do that, he doesn't want you to see sex as a burden. Even if he's going to rail you and makes you cum again and again he's waiting for your consent.

So the day you inform you're ready, he's more than happy. He tries to be the most romantic lover possible even if it's quite awkard.

In reality, he just fucking googled how to please a virgin girl. He followed weird tips and put some rose petals on your bed and all. You couldn't help but laugh, he usually has his romantic side but it's not like THAT. It was quite too lovey-dovey but to be honest really cute from him.

he was VERY gentle, very different from everyday were he insult and fight with everyone.

In Adam's head, he was concentrated, he wanted to make it special so you remember that for the rest of your life and from your perception, it was working.

He thought your reactions were cute, "Gnnn, please-", you were reacting with each of his touch. Your body was warm and particularly red from excitation.

But boy, even if he was slow, he wanted to be inside and right now. He was really dominant, you could feel his body and weight on you, your size difference took a part of it.

He touched your panties as he can feel the wetness of it. His smirk appeared again, his breath got heavier. Now it's going to be interesting for both of you !

His touch went a little faster, moving on to your most private parts. He's the first one who's going to see it. He put you panties away and looked your dripping pussy "Ohooo You won't regret waiting babe"

Adam started to lick your inter thigh, humming. Rapidly his tongue found your clit, he licked, sucked and devoured your pussy like he was starving for days and found the most delicious plate in front of him.

And you could definitely tell that, because damn you were feeling pure bliss, your man knew how to please your body. “Yes- sweetie continue-“, you were caressing his head unconsciously

Your pleasure growth, your inside craving him as you moaned his name. You wanted to keep this sweet pleasure but he stopped, you let an annoyed moan from the lack of sensation

He let a deep laugh “don’t worry babe, your cunt is going to be filled and with something better”. You saw his dick and damn you understood why he always was bragging about it, it was massive. “Are you ready to feel the dick of the first man ?” You just let a moan of excitement and spread your legs wider. “That’s my good girl”, he finally pushed it inside of you. You felt pain, it was really big but when he saw you in pain, he stopped and gave a a soft smile.

He kissed you during a time and continued slowly.

It was quite painful but you didn’t want to stop, you were happy to do it with him and were okay with the pain.

However you started to feel some pleasure from it, your hips movements met his. Adam noticed and tried to keep this spot as much as possible. You felt like you were drunk, your head felt heavy “Adam-“

You squeezed around his dick “fuckkk, yes baby- your pussy feel so fucking gooood”. You wrapped your legs around him, scratching his back as he was fucking you.

You started to feel a bigger pleasure growing inside of you. You’re going to cum soon and he knew it. His thrust became faster, at this point you couldn’t stop any moan and just let yourself feel your man. “I got you babe, let yourself go, yes just like that”

He praised you and knew you were getting close “baby let me fuck you right, I can feel that you love my cock, you’re perfect for me “ you moaned as he continued to talk, he also was close “You’re mine and mine only, I’m the first and the last cock you’re going to feel aaah~, promise me that you’re mine oh fuckkk yesss-“

You stared to also praise him, his face went with pure bliss, his blushing got redder, he loved the way you talked to him, praise that baby please he just wants to be a good boy for you.

“Aaah yesss fucking shit, you’re fucking mine and mine only” his last sentence was the start of your orgasm, you felt yourself tightening , a warm liquid blending with his own while he was cummimg, moaning your name and pounding his sperm inside of you.

You were his and he was yours

—

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed ! I don’t really know how to feel since it’s my first fic lol

If you have any suggestion with ships and stories tell me !! And also if the voc I used is weird tell me 🙏

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #smut #headcanon #hellaverse #vivziepop #hazbin adam #fanfic #hot as hell #hazbin x reader #hazbin x you #hazbin x y/n #adam smut #hazbinhotelfanfic #adam x reader #hazbin hotel headcanon

[whumpinggrounds]

Overused Disability Tropes

Woohoo here we go. I expect this one to be a bit more controversial because I am using specific media as examples. I would really prefer if, when critiquing this post, you avoid defending specific media, and focus instead on what’s actually being said/represented about disabled communities. If you feel I’ve done a really grave injustice, you can come into my askbox/DMs/replies to talk to me about it, but I might not answer.

One more time: I am not interested in getting into a debate about whether something is a good show/movie/book/whatever. I’m not telling you it’s bad, or that you shouldn’t enjoy it! People can like whatever they want; I am only here to critique messaging. Do not yell at me about this.

Newest caveat aside, let’s get into it!

Inspiration Porn

Without a doubt, our biggest category! Term coined in 2012 by badass activist Stella Young, but the trope has been around for literal centuries. There are a few different kinds that I will talk about.

Disabled character/person is automatically noble/good because of their disability. A very early example would be A Christmas Carol’s Tiny Tim, or, arguably, Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Real life examples include the Jerry Lewis MDA telethon, or children’s hospital ads that exploit sad-eyed kids with visible illness or disability.

Having a disability does not automatically make you a kind/angelic/noble person. This many not seem harmful, and may even seem positive, but in reality, it is condescending, inaccurate, and sets bizarre standards for how disabled people should behave.

This portrayal is often intended to elicit pity from abled audiences, which is also problematic.

In these portrayals, disability is not something to be proud of or identify with, only something to be suffered through.

Disabled character person does something relatively mundane and we all need to celebrate that. This is less common in writing, but happens in the real world when people do things like post pictures of disabled people at the gym captioned “What’s your excuse?”

This is condescending, and implies that anything disabled people are capable of, abled people are automatically capable of.

Makes it seem like it’s an incredible feat for a disabled person to accomplish tasks.

Uses people’s actual lives and actual disabilities as a reminder of “how good abled life is.”

The “Supercrip” stereotype is a specific kind of inspiration porn in which disabled people are shown to be capable of amazing things, “in spite of” their disability.

The Paralympics have been criticized for this, with people saying that advertisements and understandings of the Paralympics frame the athletes as inspiring not because they are talented or accomplished, but because their talents and accomplishments are seen as “so unlikely.”

Other examples include the way we discuss famous figures like Stephen Hawking, Alan Turing, or even Beethoven. Movies like The Theory of Everything and The Imitation Game frame the subjects’ diagnoses, whether actual or posited, as limitations that they had to miraculously break through in order to accomplish what they did. Discussions of Beethoven’s deafness focus on how incredible it was that he was able to overcome it and be a musician despite what is framed as a tragic acquisition of deafness.

The pity/heroism trap is a concise way of defining inspiration porn. If the media you’re creating or consuming inspires these emotions, and only these emotions, around disability, that is a representation that is centered on the feelings and perceptions of abled people. It’s reductive, it’s ableist, and it’s massively overdone.

Disabled Villains

To be clear, disabled people can and should be villains in fiction. The problem comes when disabled people are either objects of pity/saintly heroes, or villains, and there is no complexity to those representations. When there is so little disabled rep out there (less than 3.5% of characters in current media), having a disabled villain contributes to the othering of disability, as well as the idea that disability can make someone evil. There are also a few circumstances in which particular disabilities are used to represent evil, and I’ll talk about how that’s problematic. 

Mentally ill villains are colossally overdone, particularly given that mentally ill people are more likely to be the victims of violence than perpetrators of it.  This is true of all mental illness, including “””scary””” things like personality disorders or disorders on the schizoaffective spectrum. Mental illness is stigmatized enough without media framing mentally ill people as inherently bad or more suspectible to evil. This prejudice is known as sanism.

Explicit fictional examples of this include the Joker, or Kevin Wendell Crumb in Split.

People can also be coded as mentally ill without it being explicitly stated, and that’s also problematic and sanist. In the Marvel movie Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness, Wanda’s appearance and behavior are coded as mentally ill. This is used to make her “creepy.” Horror movies do this a lot - mental illness does not render someone creepy, and should not be used as a tool in this way.

Visible disability or difference to indicate evil is another common, incredibly offensive, and way overdone trope. This is mostly commonly done through facial difference, and the examples are endless. These portrayals equate disability or disfigurement with ugliness, and that ugliness with evil. It renders the disabled villain in question an outcast, undesirable, and uses their disability or difference to dehumanize these characters and separate them from others. This is incredibly prevalent and incredibly painful for people with visible disability or facial difference.

An example of visible disability indicating evil is Darth Vader’s prosthetics and vastly changed physical appearance that happen exactly in time with his switch to the dark side. In contrast, when Luke needs a prosthetic, it is lifelike and does not visually separate him from the rest of humanity/the light.

Dr. Who’s John Lumic is another example of the “Evil Cripple” trope.

Examples of facial difference indicating evil range from just about every James Bond movie, to Scar in the Lion King, Dr. Isabel Maru in Wonder Woman, Taskmaster in Black Widow, Captain Hook in Peter Pan, and even Doofenschmirtz-2 in Phineas and Ferb the Movie. Just because some of the portrayals are silly (looking at you, Phineas and Ferb) doesn’t make the coding of facially scarred villains any less hurtful.  

A slightly different, but related phenomenon I’ll include here is the idea of the disability con. This is when a character fakes a disability for personal gain. This represents disabled people as potential fakers, and advances the idea that disabled people get special privileges that abled people can and should co-opt for their own reasons. 

In The Usual Suspects, criminal mastermind Verbal Clint fakes disability to avoid suspicion and take advantage of others. In Arrested Development, a lawyer fakes blindness in order to gain the sympathy and pity of the jury.

In much more complex examples such as Sharp Objects, a mother with Munchausen by proxy fakes her daughter’s illness in order to receive attention and pity. Portrayals like this make Munchausen or MBP seem more common than it is, and introduce the idea that parents may be lying or coaching their children to lie about necessary medical treatment.

Disability as Morality

Sometimes, the disabled character themselves is a moral lesson, like Auggie in Wonder. Sheerly through existing, Auggie “teaches” his classmates about kindness, the evils of bullying, and not judging a book by its cover. This also fits well under inspiration porn. This is problematic, because the disabled character is defined in terms of how they advance the other characters’ morality and depth.

In the “Disabled for a Day” trope, an otherwise abled character experiences a temporary disability, learns a moral lesson, and is restored to full ability by the end of the episode/book/movie. Once again, disability is used as a plot device, rather than a complex experience, along with more permanent disability being rejected as impossible for heroes or main characters.

Examples include an episode of M*A*S*H where Hawkeye is temporarily blinded, an episode of Law and Order: SVU where Elliott Stabler is temporarily blinded, and an episode of Criminal Minds where Agent Hotchner experiences temporary hearing loss.

Real life examples include sensitivity trainings where participants are asked to wear a blindfold, headphones, or use a wheelchair for a given amount of time. This does not impart the lived experience of disability. It should not be used as a teaching tool. 

Disabled people as inherently pure. This is related to inspiration porn and disabled people as noble, but is different in that it is usually appears in combination with developmental, cognitive, or intellectual disabilities. These characters are framed as sweet, “simple,” and a reminder to other characters to be cheerful, happy, or grateful.

Examples include Forrest Gump, Rain Man, I Am Sam, and What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.

No matter what the stereotypes of a given diagnosis are (yes, I’m thinking of the automatic cheerfulness associated with Down Syndrome), disabled people have personalities. They are capable of being sad, angry, sarcastic, irritable, annoying - any number of things beyond good/sweet/pure. It is reductive to act otherwise.

Disability as Surreal

Less common than some of the others, but still worth thinking about!

Disabled characters are framed as mystical, magical, or other than human, a condition that is either created by or indicated through their disability status. This is especially common with little people.

“Disability superpower” is when a character compensates for, or is uniquely able to have a superpower because of, their disability. Common tropes include the Blind Seer, Blind Weapon Master, Genius Cripple and Super Wheel Chair.

Examples include Pam from Supernatural, Charles Xavier from X-Men, or the grandpa in Spy Kids.

Disability as Undesirable

Last and least favorite category here. Let’s go.

Disabled people as asexual or not sexually desirable. Disabled people can be asexual, obviously. When every portrayal is asexual, that’s a big problem. It frames disabled people as sexually undesirable or implies that it is impossible for people with disabilities to have rewarding, mutually satisfying sexual relationships.

Examples include The Fault in Our Stars or Artie in Glee.

Abandoned due to disability. Hate this trope. Often equates disability with weakness. Don’t want to talk about it. It’s all right there in the title. Don’t do it.

Examples: Quasimodo in Hunchback of Notre Dame, several kittens in the Warrior Cat series, several episodes of Law and Order: SVU, Bojack Horseman, and Vikings.

Discussed in 300 and Wolf of Wall Street.

Ancient cultures and animal nature are often cited as reasoning for this trope/practice. This is not founded in fact. Many ancient civilizations, including Sparta, cared for disabled people. Many animals care for disabled young. These examples should not be used to justify modern human society.

Disabled characters are ostracized for disability. Whether they act “““normal”““ or odd, characters with visible or merely detectable disabilities are treated differently.

Examples include pretty much every piece of media I’ve said so far. This is particularly prevalent for people with visible physical disabilities or neurodivergence. Also particularly prevalent for characters with albinism.

This is not necessarily an inaccurate portrayal - disabled people face a lot of discrimination and ableism. It is, however, very, very common.

Bury your disabled. What it says on the label.

Examples: Animorphs, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, American Horror Story, Criminal Minds, Dr. Who, Star Trek, The Wire.

Mercy killing is a subtrope of the above but disgusting enough that it deserves its own aside. I may make a separate post about this at some point because this post is kind of exhausting and depressing me.

Examples: Me Before You, Killing Eve, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Of Mice and Men, and Million Dollar Baby.

Disability-negating superpowers imply that disability is undesirable by solving it supernaturally instead of actually portraying it, and giving their character powers instead.

Examples include (arguably) Toph from Avatar: the Last Airbender, Captain America: The First Avenger, The Legend of Korra, Dr. Strange, and Daredevil.

Overcoming disability portrays disability as a hindrance and something that can be defeated through technology and/or willpower.

Fictional examples include WALL-E, Kill Bill, The Goonies, The Dark Knight Trilogy, Heidi, The Secret Garden, The Inheritance Cycle, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, The Big Bang Theory, Dr. Strangelove, Sherlock, The Witcher.

Real life examples include videos of wheelchair users standing from their chair to walk down the aisle at a wedding, or d/Deaf children “hearing” for the first time through cochlear implants.

What Does This Mean for Your Writing?

First of all, congratulations for making it this far!

Now, as I have said again and again, I’m not going to tell you what to write. I’ll ask some questions to hopefully help guide your process.

What tropes might you be playing into when writing disabled characters? Why do you find these tropes compelling, or worth writing about? How prevalent are these tropes? How harmful are they? What messages do they send to actual disabled people?

Just because they are common tropes does not mean they are universally awful. Cool fantasy or futuristic workarounds are not necessarily bad rep. Showing the ugly realities of ableism is not necessarily bad rep. It’s just a very, very common representation of disability, and it’s worth thinking about why it’s so common, and why you’re writing it.

As always, conduct your own research, know your own characters and story, and make your own decisions. If you have questions, concerns, or comments, please hit me up! Add your own information! This is not monolithic whatsoever.

Happy writing!

#disability writing guide #writing disabled characters #disability #disability representation #disability justice #writing advice #disability tropes #writing tropes #ableism #sanism

[thearoaceshark]

"But aro/ace people still can date" THAT IS NOT A VALID EXCUSE, MUCH LESS IF THE CHARACTER SHOWS REPULSION TOWARDS THAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIPS.

"But the creator said we could ship him with whoever we wanted, it won't be canon anyway" OF COURSE SHE DOESN'T BOTHER THAT YOU SHIP HIM BECAUSE 1: IT BENEFITS HER BECAUSE IT ATTRACTS SHIPS FANS. AND 2: SHE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE COMMUNITY.

"We have not deleted the representation, it is still there, it is canon in the show. We just want to have fun, the things the fandom does do not have to be faithful to the canon and do not affect the canon" SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN. IN THE FANDOM THERE ARE PEOPLE FROM THE AROACE SPECTRUM AND IT ANNOYS US THAT WE CAN'T ENJOY A CHARACTER THAT REPRESENTS US JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN ENJOY THE CHARACTERS WITHOUT SHIPING THEM. ALSO IF YOU CAN'T WRITE CHARACTERS OR RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE NOT ROMANTIC/SEXUAL OR THAT ARE NOT FAITHFUL TO THE CANON THEN LET ME TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE A VERY CLOSED MIND AND YOU'RE LACK OF IMAGINATION. THERE ARE ALSO MANY CHARACTERS THAT ARE NOT AROACE THAT YOU CAN SHIP, WHY DO YOU CHOOSE THE ONE WHO IS AROACE?!! US AROACE PEOPLA ALSO WANT TO HAVE FUN, WE ARE ALSO IN THE FANDOM, AND WE ENTERED THE FANDOM EXPECTING TO SEE THAT THEY RESPECT THE ORIENTATION OF THE CHARACTER AND REFLECT OUR OWN EXPERIENCES IN HIM, BUT WE FIND OUT THAT THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT, AND WE FEEL BAD WHEN SEEING THAT YK. IT'S THE SAME SHIT AS MAKING A GAY CHARACTER STRIGHT.

"I'm dating someone who is ace/I'm on the aroace spectrum/I'm ace/my partner is on the aroace spectrum and in my opinion there's nothing wrong with shipping him" ...REALLY? JUST. REALLY?! LOOK AT ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME YOU'RE NOT A TROLL, BECAUSE SERIOUSLY. FOR THE ARO/ACE PEOPLE WHO ARE MAKING THESE COMMENTS LET ME TELL YOU THAT YOU LOOK LIKE THOSE HOMOPHOBIC GAY WHO INSULT THEIR OWN COMMUNITY FOR THE APPROVAL OF STRAIGHT PEOPLE.

"If they want representation so much, why don't they make their own content and their own shows with Aroace characters?" ...YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS EITHER. YOU ARE A TROLL, RIGHT? AND IF YOU'RE SERIOUS... DO YOU THINK IT'S THAT EASY TO MAKE CONTENT (BOOK/COMIC/TV SHOW/MOVIE/ETC)???

Edit:

OH AND I FORGOT THE WORST ONE, SORRY.

"Aro/ace people can also want and be in a romantic/sexual relationship, you are erasing people from your own community just because you don't want us to ship it" ...FIRST OF ALL DO YOU THINK AROACE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THOSE RELATIONSHIPS FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOU USING THEM AS A CHEAP EXCUSE? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE, YOU JUST CARE ABOUT YOUR DAMN SHIP, STOP USING THEM AS AN EXCUSE. AND SECOND, I THINK YOU HAVE A VERY ALTERED PERCEPTION OF REALITY, BECAUSE THE ONE WHO IS ERASING AND DISRESPECTING THE AROACE COMMUNITY IS NOT US, IT IS YOU DAMN IT.

End of the edit.

PEOPLE ON THE SPECTRUM GET VERY EXCITED WHEN WE SEE A CHARACTER THAT REPRESENTS US, AND I THINK WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO GET ANGRY IF WHEN WE ENTER THE FANDOM WE FIND THAT PEOPLE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE ORIENTATION OF THE CHARACTER AND SHIP HIM, AND TO GET WORSE THEY GIVE US SO BAD EXCUSES OF WHY WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS PERFECTLY FINE. LOOK, DON'T YOU THINK THAT IF AN ENTIRE COMMUNITY IS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THOSE SHIPS THEN THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG? NO? HAVE YOU NOT THOUGHT ABOUT IT? THEN YOU NEED TO CHECK YOUR HEAD TO SEE IF YOU REALLY HAVE A BRAIN!!! IT'S SEEMS YOU HAVE IT OFF BECAUSE IT IS NOT WORKING.

AND YES I'M TALKING ABOUT HAZBIN HOTEL AND ALASTOR BUT THIS ALSO HAPPENS WITH MANY OTHER AROACE CHARACTERS (UNFORTUNATELY). AND IT'S SO FRUSTRATING. DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT REPRESENTATION HAS TO BE JUST THE CANON OF THE SHOW? DON'T YOU THINK THAT AS A FANDOM YOU SHOULD MAKE THE PEOPLE OF THE COMMUNITY WHO ARE IN THE FANDOM FEEL COMFORTABLE BY RESPECTING THEIR ORIENTATION AND MAKING FANFIC AND FANARTS ETC THAT REPRESENT THE CHARACTER AND HIS IDENTITY?

(AND THOSE OTHER CHARACTERS I MENTIONED ARE NOT CANONICALLY AROACE, BUT THEY ARE EVIDENTLY CHARACTERIZED AS SUCH, BUT THE FANDOM MAKES THE EXCUSE THAT "THEIR ORIENTATION IS STILL NOT CANON" TO SHIP THEM EVEN THOUGH IT IS EVIDENT THAT THEY ARE AROACE AND THEY REPUDIATE SEX AND LOVE. AND NOW THAT WE HAVE A CHARACTER CHARACTERIZED AS AROACE WHO IS CANONICALLY AROACE AND SHOWS REPUDION TOWARDS SEX, THEY CONTINUE LOOKING FOR EXCUSES. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL?! IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO RESPECT THE AROACE COMMUNITY??? )

#alastor the radio demon #hazbin alastor #aroace alastor #hazbin hotel #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aroace spectrum #let aroace characters be aroace

[eldritch-spouse]

PINNIE I WANNA PUT BELO IN AN AMAZON POSITION, is that what it’s called,,,? I DUNNO DONT CARE I WANT THIS ANGEL BOY BENEATH ME—DOMINATE HIM AA!! Also it’s funny imaging a small human bending a large angel :}

[YOU'RE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE OOOOOHHH-💨 Fem reader. You are not Admin in this.]

TW: Reader is slightly pushy at first but it's entirely consensual.

" I want to try something different. " You muse out loud.

" ... My Lady? "

Sex with Belo is great.

Upon first meeting the angel, you had one or two assumptions in your head that you thought held true. That angels are asexual, incapable of carnal desire. You thought he'd chastise you for expressing attraction to him, that he wouldn't make for a pleasing bedmate anyway.

You couldn't have been more wrong. Belo is none of those things.

In fact, the signs were there from the start. Belo had been struggling with containing his own desires for a torturous amount of time. You simply didn't want to interpret reality for what it was. Didn't want to believe that lingering touches meant more than just a different perception of personal boundaries, that his longing staring wasn't just a tendency of angels to be vigilant... Even as he confessed to finding you the most gorgeous lesser there is, you didn't believe that attraction could hold within itself the selfishness of lust.

Obviously, you know much better by now.

You know Belo craves to please you at any capacity he can, that your approval and ecstasy in bed is something he always seems to put before his own. And you love the sensation of his body atop yours, his sheer size, his warmth, the trembling need barely contained in his limbs when he sinks into you and that unforgettable softness experienced when your hands roam around his furred figure. It's bliss from beginning to end, your own little Eden provided by the angel that somehow proclaimed you his savior.

And yet...

Sometimes, it feels repetitive.

Like Belo is somewhat scared of doing something you would consider inadequate, so he sticks tightly to what he knows. Especially positions and gestures you have initiated in the past. You initially understood this as a sign of Belo's timidity and slight apprehension regarding such intimacies, but as time passes, you're fairly certain he himself is longing to try different things.

And you've been plagued with a certain mental image for a while.

So why not try your hand at it?

The power stares expectantly at your seated form on the couch by the doorway, having previously been in the kitchen, busying himself with chores you didn't assign or request of him- As usual. He dons on his front one of your aprons, the cloth looking ridiculously tiny on him, covered with stains you assume belong to sauces.

He's always wearing that black tight suit, it almost makes you feel bad for preferring to put on loose-fitting and comfortable clothes in your own home.

" I want to try something different, Belo. " You repeat.

There's a humorous pause wherein the angel tries to calculate what you might be talking about, your poker face and neutral tone betraying absolutely nothing. His eyes widen, and the non-human straightens immediately.

" Yes, of course my Lady! I've been looking at those uhm... " Belo gesticulates oddly, searching for words he doesn't necessarily understand. " Those digital cookbooks you have, and I spotted this very good-looking dish- "

Oh. Oh the poor thing.

He thinks you're talking about dinner.

The laugh that erupts from your throat is hearty and genuine, startling your devoted celestial into ashamed silence. Maybe he assumes you're mocking him for trying to use your social media bookmarks to cook. It's a genuinely sweet and loving effort from Belo, one of very many, provided he doesn't require nourishment in the form of actual food like you. You don't want him to feel self-conscious about something so considerate.

Rising from the comforting cushions, you approach the taller monster with a dubious little grin on your lips, hands dipping behind the apron to tug the long open collar of his outfit forward, down, your eyes meeting his two naturally engorged ones. The angel's tilted eyes have always been a touch too intense, but you know that's in his kind's nature, especially since he told you his specific cast specializes in combat and protection. Still, it's ever easy to get lost in those pools.

" I said something new. "

This time, there can be no type of misunderstanding. Even if Belo had the thickest skull in all of existence, the way your lids bat coyly and your head cants leaves zero to the imagination. An index flirts idly with neat clumps of fur as his chest begins fluffing in tension. He has no saliva to swallow down, but you wouldn't blame him if he gulped at this moment.

" Ah- I... I see. "

With a gentler smile, you undo the apron's knot, pressing a chaste kiss to the side of Belo's face, hearing him coo a noise out, before carefully removing the garment in a way that causes the least discomfort possible to his smaller pair of wings.

" Did you leave anything on in the kitchen? "

" No, my Lady. "

He doesn't quite know what to do with himself, hands previously twitching by his sides now holding each other at his front, before he decides the pose isn't appropriate and holds them at his back instead, straightening- As if you needed another reminder of how he towers over humans. Three eyes bounce everywhere in the room, avoiding you as he always does when nervous, yet occasionally fleetingly checking for some type of approval in your gaze.

Cruelly, you allow him to remain in that riled up stasis for a few precious moments, standing on the tips of your toes to further crowd him.

" Good. Leave dinner to me tonight. "

When you take that lightly furred pale hand in yours, Belo follows obediently after you like a lost puppy.

" Undress. " You begin as soon as you're inside the bedroom, not even bothered to look the angel's way as you start arranging the sheets and pillows.

You're going to put him in a position that might be a little stressful for a being with wings, so there's a lot of caution to be exercised here. You figure support for his lower back and neck should help. After all, he takes similar measures with you regularly.

The sound of something soft hitting the floor has you finally looking back, faced with your angel now bare, flexing his wings gently. You've always wondered how he doesn't struggle with taking off clothes given his large wings, you'd certainly consider it a chore, just as many demons hate sweaters that get caught on their horns.

Belo presents himself to you, standing straight and spanning his wings a certain distance -Careful not to hit the walls- And spreading his legs the slightest amount in spite of his ever present slight nervousness. You've always liked that little tuft of fur above his slit, the way it feels against your fingers when he neglects to trim it for a while.

" My beautiful angel. " You praise. " Come, undress me. "

And really, if there was one request you could make of the all-powerful beings Belo so frequently raves about, it would be the ability to see the way his furious flush spreads from his face to his already fur-covered neck.

Supremely gentle and dexterous fingers work at your clothes with the same reverence he continues to extend your way no matter how much time passes. You'll never get used to this level of sweetness, this worship, Belo touches you like with a love so profound you can swear you somehow feel it in the tips of his digits. Even in his moments of seemingly greedy pursuit of gratification, Belo doesn't seem to know how to be anything except devoted. Maybe it's because he's angelic, but you can say for certain that you've never been treated this nicely, and you've never longed for anyone's embrace as much as you long for his.

The power doesn't let his fingers roam too much when he follows your command, intent on getting things done dutifully as opposed to demonstrating lack of self-control. His eyes however, swirling windows to the soul of a celestial, reveal everything he refuses to voice or act on out of respect for you. Belo's pupils dilate immensely as soon as your bare breasts are exposed, his digits acquire a slight tremble as he makes to fold your top and set it down on the drawer, until you playfully bat it out of his hand. Belo sinks to his knees in front of you, and the view is so paradoxical -A holy creature kneeling to its gods' mistake- That you nearly burst out cackling. Instead, all that leaves your mouth is a silent gasp when he catches the hem of your sweatpants and drags it down, hooking over your panties as well. The trip down is slow, measured, and you know it's not an intentional tease but you still shimmy to have it fall faster, catching a twitch in his largest eye, while the one beneath it has fixed itself on your naked pussy.

When his task is completed, Belo remains kneeling obediently, palms flat on his thighs.

" Thank you. " You purr. " Sit on the bed. "

He does, albeit on the very edge, quickly correcting himself when you make a "further" motion.

Seeing the way Belo's eyes widen as you move to almost straddle him is as intoxicating as it was the first time. You remember the luxurious roll of your hips over his own, recall his fingers twitching as he tried to grab onto you without bruising frail human skin. Delightful and memorable.

" Lay, my sweet. "

Ever the glutton for obedience, it's not long before the angel is on his back, and you immediately take the opportunity to flatten your palms to his furred chest, fingers threading between that familiar softness like second nature. Your head soon joins, nuzzling yet careful to avoid the extra eye stationed there. You trail a path of lazy kisses upwards, tracing the edges of his built-in halo you can reach and dragging your teeth across the root of his left pair of head wings.

The response is instantaneous and intense, this sudden cooing moan hopelessly erupting from Belo's throat before he seems to pale even further in shame and muffles the noise. Tsk, it seems he'll never learn to sing freely, no matter how many times you reassure the power that his angelic vocalizations are half the fun. Those smaller wings twitch and flap, the ones on his back fanning out humorously.

" You're adorable. " It's said in a mocking tone, followed by laughter as the angel fails to suppress more noises when you offer the remaining wing equal attention.

You love that he's already matting his own fur in slick by the time you reach down to part it and play with his pretty pink slit. It's engorged, his length already brushing against the fingertips that brazenly dip inside. With a gasp, the power spreads his legs slightly and tenses. You can feel his effort to keep still.

As soon as you begin crawling back to settle your head between snowy legs, he gathers enough wit to start babbling the same old drivel.

" M- My Lady, you need not- "

" I don't need to, I want to. "

Belo looks at you like he doesn't quite get the point. And frankly, some concepts seem to have been drilled so hard into his mind that you worry he will never understand other views of the world.

" You want to please me, right? " You start, kissing at his sheath until the very tip of him shows itself.

" More than anything. " The male pants.

" Then you should know that pleasing you pleases me. "

And with that, you take what's available of his rosy length in your mouth, coaxing the rest of him out almost impatiently.

Belo's choked groan of surprise has you smiling around him, amused by the impulsive horse buck of his legs before he garbles and apology and tries to melt back onto the sheets, poorly. He won't hold your head. Not from lack of desire, but that ever-persistent sense of inferiority, fisting his hands on the fabric beneath him instead. When one of his arms does rise, all he does is shakily pet your hair, inhaling sharply at the swipe of your tongue across his head, before dropping it again.

" Lady... "

He moans pitifully, a delicious sound coming from a creature so supposedly holy.

As much as you'd enjoy keeping him between your lips, your goal this time is much more fun, so you pop off him lazily. There's a moment where he twitches and his fur bristles in what anyone can guess is instinctual irritation, but Belo doesn't say a peep.

Seeing his eyes bulge when you grab Belo's thighs and start bending them up is hilarious enough that you giggle openly.

" What- What are we doing, my Lady? "

" Relax, I promise you'll like it. " Or at least you assume he will, what with his desire to always be below yourself. " Now please, hold your legs up for me. "

The title would get repetitive if you didn't enjoy it so much.

The angel does, grabbing the back of his knees and sliding his legs back with the help of your guidance, until they're basically glued to his chest. He's fit, you're not surprised he can easily hold that position. In fact, you get to see the exact moment it clicks in his bird brain, the nature of the position he's in. His cock bobs aimlessly and his wings move almost as if to cover his figure sides in shame. And, admittedly, the view has all sorts of chills taking hold of your limbs, your own womanhood singing.

" My Lady, this is so... So...! "

Eyes roll slowly at his stuttering, though you relish the tremor of his pupils when you move to hover over him, as if your much smaller body could ever constitute as a minimal threat to his.

" Filthy? Lewd? Scandalous? " You kiss directly beneath his eyes. " Yes, just how I like you, my debauched dove. "

With a soft command for him to hold still, you rearrange the pillows beneath his body properly and take a moment to figure your own position correctly. After all, as much as you've thought about doing this before, you never actually got to make that wish come true, so it'll take a bit of experimentation.

Belo continues to be mildly confused. " No- No offense, Lady, but are you sure this is correct? "

You scoot to line Belo's member up with your entrance, rubbing him against you to spread the angel's arousal and facilitate things. He shudders in anticipation, the lowermost eye on his face already rolling in pleasure.

" Why wouldn't it be? "

He's not given a chance to respond before you gradually sink onto his girth, causing such a reaction that he nearly releases his legs before holding them ever tighter.

" Gghn-!! O-Oh... "

Sparing him the smallest mercy, you're slow to rock yourself on him, letting the first shock of heat flow through him before you're flush to his pelvis. It's a wonderful position, he's hitting you deeper than usual already, ripping a soft mewl out of you as your cunt clenches greedily around the intrusion.

" See? " You huff, slightly out of breath when you experimentally bounce a little on him. Belo whines long and low, unsure what else he can do to ground himself. " It works just fine. "

The first few rocks are entirely random as you try to quickly work out a rhythm and motion that works well enough, settling for straightening up and grabbing Belo's ankles for support, careful not to twist the tiny feathers there. Finally, you're able to get into it properly, a sickly delight on your face as you watch Belo's figure shift beneath your thrusts.

Is this... What you look like to him? Not a bad sight at all.

Belo's eyes, previously closing at the first taste of rapture your walls brought him, widen like the dinner plates at the notion that he's being well and truly fucked by his human. There's a pause where it looks as if his mind has truly been fried, one eye fixed on your face, another on the sway of your tits, and the other memorizing the way your pussy swallows him.

You won't lie, the rush of dominance, of having something so much more than human willingly present themself for you, allowing a tiny human to ride them into submission- It has you beside yourself with want, and your smirk crashes into a pleasured "oh" as you join Belo in his stunned marveling.

You'll be doing this a lot more often, for sure.

" Hhn- Oh lords please- I- " Belo melts and shivers, his chest fluffing itself further and his wings twitching sporadically. " Humans have- Developed such odd mating customs... "

He's talking like he isn't throbbing madly inside you right now.

" Mhm, you need to catch up on a lot of stuff, pretty boy. "

Though of course, you'll be personally helping with that.

When your mind starts blanking in bliss and your body gives its first warning signs of an approaching peak, you look down at Belo, whose head has tossed onto the pillow supporting his neck and whose wings fan out in a tense crescendo of pleasure. His legs and feet spasm periodically and he moans the wetter his fur becomes with your slick.

Another reason you like his fur is the surprising amount of friction and texture it can offer your clit when you're intimate. It's the soft brush of a feather almost, but enough to bring you closer to orgasm all that quicker! Honestly, the only downside to Belo's incredibly soft fur is that vacuuming is a little more frequent and pesky.

In moments, you're bending to be flush to his body, batting Belo's hands away so you can hold his legs back yourself. It's an even more intense angle, making you feel even more powerful as you hold the angel down and piston his cock into you as hard as you physically can, sweating and panting in exertion.

You're sure you must look downright beastly right now, but all Belo does is whine and mewl, still gazing at you as if you were the most entrancing thing to ever exist, a wonder of the universe above him. The power gathers enough motor coherence to brush strands of hair out of your face, tucking them behind your ear, before his arms flop uselessly at his sides once more, fingers curling in delight.

All those lavender eyes begin to roll, his hips rising off the bed yet smacked back down viciously by the weight of your body thrusting him down, in the midst of his mindless crooning noises, Belo utters your name like a plea for mercy and wraps his arms around your back, your breasts sliding on his chest and his legs reflexively fighting your grip so he can presumably wrap them around your smaller figure too.

He's a vision of the sweetest dream like this.

" Gods please don't stop- Please please- I'm sorry I can't- " The angel cries, tears beading in the corner of his three eyes, absolutely helpless and hopeless beneath you.

All of it comes together to send you well over the edge, throwing you into a climax so shockingly strong that you fuck yourself on him one last leg-shaking time before tensing and crying out to the ceiling. He follows instantly, having been holding himself for a while. You relish the sensation of Belo's cum shooting deep into your hole, only to have no choice except to drip back down and stain him, slip between his legs and yours in grossly warm globs.

Seconds of you two catching your breath silently and fondly pass, until you slowly release Belo's legs and rub his thighs in gratitude. He seems content to remain holding you, though avoids your gaze now that the post-orgasm clarity has him bashful again.

" Thank you for humoring me. " You sigh against his neck.

His wings close over the two of you gently. " Always, my love. "

#Belo oc #yandere angel #monster oc #terato #monsterfucker #terato tag #monster boyfriend #monster x reader #not sfw #minors dni #yandere teratophilia #yandere monster

[wishcamper]

Nesta, Interrupted: gendered perceptions of alcoholism in ACOSF

CW: addiction, sexual assault, gendered violence.

Creds: I’m a licensed counselor with a degree specialization in treating addiction. I have career experience with multiple modes of mental health, trauma, and substance use treatment in women-specific carceral, institutional, and healthcare settings. And I know anyone can come on the internet and say that, but I pinky promise.

The short version:

ACOSF stigmatizes alcoholism in line with cultural standards.

Western culture feels differently about female and male alcoholics due to systemic sexism, and thus treats them differently.

Women’s experience of alcoholism is often compounded by or even a result of systemic factors and intersectional identity.

Nesta’s treatment in ACOSF, while repugnant, is in many ways very accurate of attitudes today.

(I’ll be using “women/men” and “male/female” to denote cis afab and amab people. Little research exists on the experiences of queer, nonbinary and gender expansive considerations in addiction and recovery, which is a fuckin’ shame. Studies are also largely conducted with white participants due to enormous barriers to treatment for Black, Indigenous, and people of color, so this convo is inherently incomplete where it neglects those intersections.)

Okay, first things first: ACOSF is a book that stigmatizes alcoholism. I will not be taking questions.

The number one thing to understand is that in America, land of Miss Sarah, we are very bad at addiction treatment (tx). Why? Because our culture hates addicts has as stigma around addiction. And female alcoholics bear a very specific set of stigmas based in their identity.

In Susanna Kaysen’s memoir Girl, Interrupted , Kaysen’s character is institutionalized following a non-fatal suicide attempt. When evaluated, she’s diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, that bastion of diagnoses perfect for people (75% of whom are female-identified) who don’t fit into our polite definition of functioning. As the book unfolds, she reflects on how (white) women are often pathologized when they buck against systems of oppression that create the dysfunction in them in the first place. That is not to say other women in the institution are not genuinely in need of help, nor that mental illness in women is always from a systemic wound. But it’s crucial in the treatment of female addiction and mental health disorders to considered the systemic factors of gendered violence and patriarchy, and the attitudes we hold about women who struggle with drinking.

Think about female alcoholics in media. If she’s young, she’s a loose, reckless sl*t looking for trouble and deserving of the reality check when she finds it (Amy Schumer in Trainwreck, Lindsay Lohan in general). Or if the woman are older, they are discarded, or gross, or pathetic, or evil like anyone Faye Dunaway played or Eminem’s mom in 8 Mile (deep cut lol). Men are afforded a much larger spectrum of experiences and struggles - Ernest Hemingway, Leaving Las Vegas, Sideways, the dude from A Star is Born, Frank from Shameless (brilliant), frat boys, blue collar workers, introspective tortured artists, fucking IRON MAN. I could go on forever, but I hope that illustrates the depth and diversity of male-centric stories of alcoholism not often afforded to women.

One of the most empathetic and accurate portrayals of female alcoholism, in my opinion, is in the show Sharp Objects (the book, too, but actually witnessing it makes a difference). We see Amy Adams’ Camille swig vodka from an Evian bottle while fending off vicious, veiled attacks from her verbally and emotionally abusive mother and experiencing flashbacks of teenage sexual assault. We watch her struggle to find emotional safety in her conservative hometown, both wanting to fit in and get out in order to survive. We GET why she drinks and I have trouble blaming her for it even as she wreaks havoc on herself and others. We can see her clawing just to make it out alive, and alcohol is the tool she’s using to do it, for better or worse.

Which is where Nesta enters the chat. When we get our first glimpse of her alcohol use is ACOFAS, it’s portrayed as something everyone knows about but that she’s still mostly keeping it together - her dress is clean, her hair is neatly braided, she doesn’t need a chaperone to show up to a family event. The deterioration between ACOFAS and ACOSF is alarming, and we know that alcoholism is a progressive condition so that tends to happen. Was there a particular trigger? That’s hard to say. Solstice certainly didn’t help, especially with the pressures to perform and conform to the standards of the Inner Circle aka the people in power. I imagine seeing her sisters bouncey and reveling in the world that stole them and killed their father was probably.. tough, to say the least. The barge party seems to be a turning point as well, though this one is more confusing to me. But given the child abuse, extreme poverty, sexual assault, kidnapping, bodily violation, witnessing her father’s murder, almost dying, WAR - and that’s not even to mention essentially becoming a refugee - it would be amazing if she DIDN’T drink. She 100% has complex trauma, and is looking for ways to cope.

No one with full capacity dreams of becoming an addict when they grow up. Addiction, in my professional and personal experience, is largely a strategy for coping with a deeper wound. People don’t drink to feel bad. They drink to feel good, and to survive. Nesta herself is drinking to survive, but it’s having the unfortunate side effect of killing her at the same time. As she slides into active addiction, the thought of her own death may even be comforting, and alcohol in that way is her friend. (There's some interesting research right now framing addiction as an attachment disorder, but I don't know enough to speak on it much.)

So she obviously needs help. That’s not a debate. What is a debate is how the IC should best go about intervening. A variation on the Johnson method is used in ACOSF (the one from the show Intervention) and appears to be successful only because they threaten her if she doesn’t comply. This method has mixed data to support it, and while it’s very good at getting people into tx, there is a higher relapse rate for those who receive it (1). The “family” gathers and tells her the ways she’s hurt them and tell her the consequences if she doesn’t seek the help they’re offering. And again, so many of their reason are the effects on THEM, how she’s making THEM look, not her pain.

The IC’s ignorance and dismissal of her alcoholism in ACOSF is frankly mystifying. Why do they intervene on all the drinking and sexing, anyway? It seems like they’ve been fine enough with it up to this point. But now it's gone too far, not because of her illness but because she is embarrassing them. And I don’t know about you, but between Cassian apparently fucking half of Velaris and Mor’s heavily documented emotional drinking, that’s hard to square. It makes it feel much more likely that they don’t like the way she is coping, that she is not fitting into their picture of who she’s supposed to be. This picture is inherently gendered, because Prythian society and those who live in it have explicit and implicit expectations of gender roles, whether they’ll admit it or not. Cassian and Mor are playing their roles well; Nesta is not.

That leads me to believe it is NOT all about her, but the systemic and internal factors influencing their perception of her and the ways she’s struggling. It’s distasteful to them for her, a female, to be deteriorating this publicly, despite the fact that her very identity makes it harder for her to function in the patriarchy of Prythian. We hear almost exclusively about sexual violence against women, aside from 2 male characters. Past or present assault of women is a major plot point on multiple occasions (Mor, Gwyn, Nesta, Emerie, Rhysands mom and sister, the lady of autumn, Cassians mom, Azriels mom, I could go on). But something about the way Nesta is contending with that is unacceptable, and I believe it’s because she’s not trying to cover up her dysfunction. In prythian, we keep these things hidden- Mor’s assault is never processed in full, Azriel’s mom seems to be alone at Rosehall, priestesses are literally hidden inside a mountain for centuries. Women process trauma alone and in the dark, but Nesta is in the light and she is loud. She is refusing to hide her problems, and the IC don’t like that, whether they realize it or not.

So why don’t the IC understand this? Like I said earlier, as a culture we hate addicts, or what they stand for, in very much the same way I think we hate people experiencing homelessness. We convince ourselves it was a series of bad choices that led someone where they are, choices we would never make because we are smart, smarter than them. We believe are more in control than that. We can prevent bad things from happening to us because we are good, because we are better than whoever it’s happening to. But the reality is almost ALL of us are one hospital stay away from homelessness, just as all of us are one trauma away from addiction. And with female addicts, we have another layer of expecting women to only struggle nicely and quietly, or to go away. Intersectional factors are at play here, too: white women are much more likely to have alcoholism attributed to mental health and trauma factors, where people of color often suffer the same addiction being more associated with crime. You can imagine how that plays out differently.

So what is the effect of all this? Gendered expectations lead to not only external stigma around addiction and tx, but also to internalized stigma which can limit willingness to seek tx. (2) Many social forces encourage women to drink and discourage them from telling anyone. Factors such as poverty, family planning, access to education, racial discrimination, and location can make services harder to access. Internally, women are more likely to enter treatment with less confidence in their ability to succeed, but report more strengths and more potential to grow recovery strengths during and following tx. For men, the pattern is reversed (3). And women have more successful tx episodes overall when gendered considerations are a part of the design and implementation of services (4). For Nesta, the effect is that she’s forced into treatment and copes by having hate sex with her ex and changing herself to conform to her family’s expectations while the House and the Valkyrie’s actually take care of her. I do not see how Sarah drew the line from there to recovery, I truly don’t. If anything, she recovers in spite of the ICs intervention, not because of it.

In summary, Nesta Archeron deserved better. Nesta deserved the same compassion the book gives to men who are struggling, and it’s a reflection of not just the book’s culture but the author’s culture that she doesn’t get it. Female alcoholics are worthy of treatment that integrates their identities, as those identities are often essential factors contributing to their addiction. What's shown in ACOSF is a reality many women live, and they shouldn't have to.

Barry Loneck, James A. Garrett & Steven M Banks (1996) The Johnson Intervention and Relapse During Outpatient Treatment, The American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse, 22:3, 363-375, DOI: 10.3109/00952999609001665

Groshkova T, Best D, White W. The Assessment of Recovery Capital: Properties and psychometrics of a measure of addiction recovery strengths. Drug Alcohol Rev. 2013;32(2):187–94.

Best D, Vanderplasschen W, Nisic M. Measuring capital in active addiction and recovery: the development of the strengths and barriers recovery scale (SABRS). Subst Abuse Treat, Prev Policy. 2020;15(1):1–8.

Polak, K., Haug, N.A., Drachenberg, H.E. et al. Gender Considerations in Addiction: Implications for Treatment. Curr Treat Options Psych 2, 326–338 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40501-015-0054-5

#nesta archeron #pro nesta #alcoholism #mental health #sexism #acotar #acosf #stigma #rehabilitation #prythian university #sjm critical

[merakiui]

it's trey's birthday!!!!! >:) to celebrate, here are a few trey thoughts and concepts.

(cw: yandere, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, gaslighting, mention of non-con, sk!trey, mention of love potion/drugging, brief nsfw, implied somnophilia)

✧ trey using his um to make you think you're free and can go anywhere, when in reality all this time you've been confined to a single room and every "place" you've gone to is simply the result of his unique magic altering your senses. that bakery you visited with him? that didn't really happen. the library? not real. the park? nonexistent. it's just you and trey in this single room and you've yet to figure it out. :)

✧ being trey's friend since childhood and you've always had a crush on him. the two of you have been inseparable, but when he goes off to nrc and you're left in the queendom of roses to attend school there your feelings start to dampen...and very quickly at that. the reason? trey hasn't been around to feed you the love potion he mixed into the pastries. he's been doing it since the two of you were children. it started as an accident when he unintentionally knocked it into the practice batter and you ate it and... he just likes it when you're in love with him. is that so terrible of a thing to want? :< meanwhile, you've always thought your feelings for him were true. ;;;

✧ au in which trey and rook are roommates and you're desperately trying to find a place to stay. isn't it so nice and convenient that your two friends have an extra room open for you to take? :) don't worry about paying rent with money. you can pay with other things.

✧ researcher trey x captive mer darling. maybe you're scared or anxious around humans and he's ultimately the one who befriends you. of course he does so with his own intentions in mind...

✧ trey with a darling who has a fear of men and he helps you get more comfortable around him by showing you he's safe and would never hurt you. he's just so gentle and so trustworthy and so sweet; he's so good at minding your personal space and being so patient and helpful. unfortunately, he just wants you to be more comfortable so it'll be easier to slide into your heart. and maybe he gets impatient and non-cons you instead. :( all of that trust... shattered. but now he has you all to himself and can slowly twist your perception of him in the strangest ways. he gaslights you into thinking that other men would do the same thing, but it'd be much worse and so you can really only ever trust and rely on him. see? doesn't he treat you so softly? you don't have to be scared; he helps you, saves you, protects you. he's good and others are bad.

✧ i never talk about trey's starsending robes, but omg they're so !!!!!!! stargazer trey who is there to collect your wish and you wish for a boyfriend because you thought it'd be a silly and lighthearted wish to make. trey is going to grant that wish if it's the last thing he does. >:D

✧ vampire trey.

✧ trey helping you fix your gag reflex by fucking your mouth often!!!! <3 now when you brush your tongue you won't gag anymore. :)

✧ serial killer trey and his obsession with collecting full sets of teeth from his victims. your teeth are especially fascinating to him, and thus you shall be his next victim.

✧ tooth fairy trey LOL.

✧ dentist trey......... but he's the dentist from novocaine. the sheer gaslighting in this song omg. the "you're bleeding now cuz you never floss" line.......... dentist trey is my beloved. i hope others can see this vision.

✧ OMG WAIT. dentist trey and dr. riddle... the two horsemen of the medical malpractice apocalypse. ;;;;;;;;;;; maybe they're roommates and you see the both of them for annual check-ups, so it's over for you when you wake shackled in their flat. T_T they know your medical history so well; you're in good hands.

✧ trey who takes care of you when you're sick, only to realize he quite likes it when you're so weak and feeble. he intentionally keeps you sick so you'll rely on him and if you think something's amiss he gaslights all of your worries away, minimizing them with a simple, "it must be a rough flu season..." or "don't push yourself so hard; you'll only get sicker." >:( no!!!! trey, you're the one making darling sicker!!!!!! in the same vein that trey is your greatest pathogen, he is also your greatest panacea. for only he gets to decide when you can heal and get better. :)

✧ you often party a lot with cater, so trey's seen you when you're intoxicated far too many times. he tries to be upstanding and honest on the surface, if only to look normal and reliable. but how can he resist when you're right there on his bed, passed out like a corpse?

#meraki mumbles #yandere twst #tw: noncon mention #tw: somnophilia

[youremyheaven]

Ashlesha: The Villain Era Nakshatra

Ashlesha nakshatra can create poison to destroy their enemies. They also have the ability to restrain their destructive powers and hold poison within themselves. As I said in my previous post, Ashlesha embodies the demonic feminine and showcases qualities of the dark side of the feminine. But we need to understand that "darkness" is a spectrum and can be defined/portrayed in a variety of ways.

In this post I'll explore various tropes that Ashlesha natives portray on screen.

Peyton List, Ashlesha Sun plays Poison Ivy in Gotham

"The thing I love most about Poison Ivy is her walking that line between bastion of Mother Nature and psycho Eco-terrorist. She sees herself as the hand of Mother Nature. If Mother Nature were "God," then Ivy would be her "Jesus." She defends the defenceless nature of the world and truly believes in her cause. Maiming, mauling, and mutilating are extreme measures, but it's nothing compared to what irredeemable cruelties humanity's done to the world of nature. Ivy always sees the greater good as she punishes those who deserve it."— J. T. Krul (comic book writer)

This describes Ashlesha natives quite well. They truly believe that the people they hurt deserve it. The aspect of serving karma/justice is a very prominent one.

Poison Ivy has the following abilities:

Genius-level intellect

Manipulation of plants and toxins

Decelerated aging

Expert seductress

These can all directly be connected to Ashlesha. Being a Mercury ruled nak, these natives are naturally intelligent and their minds work very fast, given the mythology of this nak, their connection to toxins and poisons is a gift given to the Ashlesha native. Mercurial women often look very young/youthful and maintain this youthfulness well into their 30s and 40s and on. This nak's deity is Nagas, the serpent God and serpent connection in any nak is a strong indicator of potent sexuality and seductive energy.

Poison Ivy possesses a poisonous touch and is characterized as a "supervillain" or "antiheroine".

I had mentioned in my old post about how movies featuring Ashlesha women have a common trope of them being abused, gaining power through that violent experience and then using those powers to go after all the bad guys.

Similarly, Poison Ivy was a botanist who was persuaded by Marc LeGrand to assist him with the theft of an Egyptian artefact containing ancient herbs. Fearing she would implicate him in the theft, he attempts to poison her with the herbs, which are deadly and untraceable. She survives this murder attempt and discovers she has acquired an immunity to all natural toxins and diseases.

2. Jennifer Lawrence, Ashlesha Sun plays Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games

if you're familiar with the books or the movies you would know that there is a heavy emphasis on Katniss' resorting to manipulation to skew things in her favour, both on and off the arena.

She's competing in a survival reality show where tributes have to kill each other for the entertainment of the masses but she manages to turn things around in her favour through media manipulation, using everything to her advantage.

This emphasizes on Ashlesha's mercurial ability to play with perception and skew the narrative in their favour.

Katniss is an impoverished girl from the poorest district with no chances of winning but she relies on things other than brute strength to see her through the Games.

3. Barbra Streisand, Ashlesha Moon as Yentl in Yentl

This movie is about a girl who disguises herself as a guy to go to school. She falls in love with her male classmate and his gf falls in love with her (believing her to be a guy).

Claire had said in her Ashlesha video about how WLW themes in cinema often involve Cat yoni gals (Punarvasu or Ashlesha)

4. Catherine Deneuve, Ashlesha Moon in The Hunger (1983)

this is yet another very Ashlesha coded movie about a vampire (played by Deneuve) and her aging partner and the doctor he consults to help with his condition and the homoerotic bond that develops between these women.

the fact that Deneuve is playing a vampire (i've noticed Ashlesha playing demonic/monstress esque characters a lot) and that "aging" is a main plot point (vampires don't age) is vv intriguing since mercurials are the most "young/youthful looking"; Mercurials are essentially teenagers even as they grow older, they don't "age" the way most people do, not just physically but also mentally and of course, it wouldn't be an Ashlesha coded film without some WLWism in it.

A major reason why Cat yoni girls are drawn to other girls or to non-penetrative intercourse is because sex is vv painful for female cats. A male cat's penis is barbed, and these little spikes scrape along the female cat's vagina during copulation, making sexual intercourse vv painful for them. I have noticed that many Cat yoni women irl tend to have vaginismus or other conditions that make penetrative intercourse unpleasant or difficult for them. Making love to another woman or intercourse with a partner (male or female) that's largely centred around foreplay is what feels pleasurable to these natives. More than the act of PIV, its intimacy that they crave from sex. They can be very passive in bed and find it hard to orgasm with just PIV. A low libido is also likely. They're not prudish, they're very imaginative with what they desire but when it comes to actually physically expressing themselves, they're like cats, they can't express it.

5. Audrey Tautou, Ashlesha Sun in Priceless (2006)

Audrey Tautou plays a gold digger-y woman (a common Ashlesha trope) who mistakes a bartender to be a wealthy man. She later helps him work as a gigolo for a wealthy woman.

Ashleshas are skilled at manipulation (this is often described in a negative light by many astrologers but manipulation is a skill like any other and can be used for good and bad reasons). This whole movie revolves around one woman's ability to manipulate men into giving her what she wants and by teaching this to another person, she is emphasizing the fact that this is a skill that can be picked up (an essential Mercurial principle because Mercury is about that which we cultivate not what we've been innately gifted with).

6. Marilyn Monroe, Ashlesha Rising in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

MM plays a gold digger who carefully uses her feminine charms and allure to get with wealthy men. Understanding how to channel femininity in ways that benefit them is a very Cancerian woman thing.

If we were to consider the fact that Marilyn basically created a whole alter ego, adopted certain mannerisms, dressed a specific way, used a fake baby voice, styled and kept up a whole persona then we can see the positive manifestation of Ashlesha and Cancer's manipulative feminine nature. She wasn't born Marilyn, she became her through her carefully cultivated charm. This is peak Mercury, peak Cancer behaviour.

Sidenote: I've noticed many Cancer women speaking in a fake baby voice tbh hehe, Paris Hilton (Pushya Moon) also does this. Paris is also a great example of Cancerian performative femininity. She managed to convince the whole world she was a dumb blonde heiress when she was anything but. She created a persona for herself and played that character to the t. Her hyperfeminine mannerisms, almost caricatur-ish personality has had a lasting impact on pop culture. She herself has come out to say that she "was playing a character".

7. Anna Kendrick, Ashlesha Sun in Alice, Darling (2022)

this movie is about a manipulative, abusive and controlling relationship based on anna kendrick's real life experiences. Ashlesha women and Cancer women in general are very susceptible to relationships of this sort. It starts at home usually, these women have very dysfunctional relationships with their mothers and go on to form unhealthy and toxic romantic relationships (if unevolved).

8. Ashlesha's connection to Snow White

Ashlesha Sun & Moon, Charlize Theron as the evil stepmother in Snow White & the Huntsmen

Ashlesha Moon Lily Collins as Snow White in Mirror Mirror

Snow White's story depicts the OG toxic mother-daughter dynamic which is a common theme in the lives of many Ashlesha natives. Receiving step daughterly treatment from your own mother and having a sibling who is more favoured than you is another common theme.

We see this play out in real life with Bella and Gigi Hadid who both have Ashlesha Mars as their atmakaraka and amatyakaraka respectively.

Many Ashlesha women play the toxic mother in tv shows and movies (Vera Farmiga, Ashlesha Moon in Bates Motel) but its equally likely for them to play the daughter who is at the receiving end of the abuse.

A major way that this "toxicity" manifests is through highly co-dependent relationships with their mothers, who essentially run their lives for them and keep them "trapped" in childlike passivity. The thing is Ashlesha women almost kinda like it this way, they want to be taken care of, they're needy and would much rather have someone else do everything for them. Rising above this passivity is their biggest challenge.

The Indian actress Sridevi (Ashlesha Sun & Stellium) was known for her highly co-dependent relationship with her mother. In the 80s during her peak, it was a running joke that you could ask Sridevi anything and she'd respond with "Ask Mummy". Sridevi, like many Ashlesha natives had a very childlike personality and was often described as lacking "mental maturity". The reality is that her mother micromanaged her life and made all her decisions, controlled her finances and told her what she could do and couldn't do until she passed away when Sri was well into her 30s. She forced Sri into films when she was barely a toddler and never gave her any formal education. Of course Sridevi never described this relationship as "toxic". Most of these natives wouldn't because its been ingrained into them that they're incapable of getting anything done on their own and "need" their mother to do things for them. They're gaslit into believing they're inept. (Sridevi was also known for speaking in a baby voice 😌)

Ashlesha lies entirely in Cancer rashi which means they are lost to the watery depths of Cancer's influence, the combination of Moon & Mercury always makes one prone to manipulation and although this is considered a negative, I absolutely believe it can be manifest in positive ways. However it IS hard.

The feminine/ yin urge to absorb energy manifests itself in an absolutely self-serving here. Imo this is by nature self serving always however other Cancer rashi naks have the ability to give to others in ways an Ashlesha native can't.

Ashlesha is cancer at its most passive, absolutely unable to "give"; this means they feel easily drained by others and have to be very selective with who they give their energy to. Women in society are harshly judged for how much of their energy they give to others which is why Ashlesha women who are largely self contained are viewed as "toxic", because our society looks down upon women who only exist for themselves, we're all taught to "give". A woman who cannot do so is seen as "toxic" because its "selfish" to keep to yourself. This is why Ashleshas are so grossly misunderstood.

Mercurial women have a very complicated relationship with sex and sexuality. This is most evident in the case of Ashlesha women. Cat yoni is the most restrictive yoni and this is not only apparent in their sexual preferences and relationships but in the way they conduct themselves generally. They are usually introverted and struggle the most with their tendency to be passive because cats are by nature, very lethargic creatures who are self involved and seldom seek outside company.

The other two mercury naks, Jyeshta (rabbit yoni) and Revati (elephant yoni) have a very different approach to sexual matters. For Jyeshta natives, its the frequency of sex that matters, since rat/rabbit yoni is considered the most sexual. They usually have a high sex drive but sex itself is impersonal for them.

However for Revati natives, given that their yoni is the largest land animal, more than frequency its the quality of sexual intimacy that satiates them. They are thrill seekers. Sex that is ordinary or "vanilla" does not fulfil them; there has to be an element of adrenaline rush, which BDSM or other taboo relationships can provide but its rare for these natives to feel pure, naked desire for someone, they crave the thrill of sex itself.

Overall, a major focus in the lives of Ashlesha natives is building an identity for themselves. Many of them cultivate a self that's entirely different to who they were growing up, with a very apparent change in style/mannerisms etc. Like snakes (to whom they are closely linked) they need to shed their skin and renew themselves again and again.

Their Mercurial gifts of intellect, wit and street smarts see them through these and allow them to flourish in every avatar.

#sidereal astrology #astrology notes #astrology observations #vedic astro notes #astrology #vedic astrology #astro notes #astro observations #nakshatras #astroblr #ashlesha

[vampirenigh]

You are safe with me

Summary: You come from an abusive relationship.

Characters: Diluc, Xiao, Childe, Tighnari.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse and curse words.

Masterlist

Diluc

Well he didn't knew about your situation. In the most part. But he knew that before he got with you there was a guy who would come pretty often to get drunk and then to start saying that his lover is useless and that he hits them every day for the mistake she does. He was a bit concerned about the poor girl but it wasn't his problem. He never thought that you could be the poor girl. And that brings us to the moment at hand.

You were trying to make Diluc dinner and to serve him the best you can so that he won't be angry with you like your ex-boyfriend did. But the thing is that you were so concentrated on one thing that you burned the rest. Then you started to remedy your mistake but at the same time the other thing you worked on before burned too leaving you whit nothing.

You started to panic because you had nothing to serve him with and he could be home in any moment. And while you were in your head your boyfriend got back home and started searching for you. But when he saw you in the kitchen whit a lot of food burned he was a bit confused. But he wanted to approach you anyway.

But the moment his hand touched you you made yourself small and started to shiver waiting for your punishment. But it never came. When you looked up you just saw Diluc's concerned face. He was next to you on the floor trying to make you look at him. "What happened darling? Why are you shivering like that? Did I do something?" You started to feel guilty because you made him feel bad. "No you did nothing wrong... It's just me... I burned everything.. I will accept any punishment you want to give me. I'm sorry.. " When Diluc heard all that he cupped your face in his hand. "I won't punish you! It was just a harmless mistake! Why would I punish you?" "Because that's what my ex did. " Diluc's face went pale for a moment. What do you mean that is what your ex did to you?

Now Diluc isn't stupid. He connected the dots quickly. But before he could do something about that scumbag he calmed you down and assured you that you were safe with him.

But after some days you started to question where did your ex go? You would see him from time to time in the city but now his gone. You don't mind but still strange. You are just happy whit your current relationship and the fact that you are starting to get better whit the help of your boyfriend.

Xiao

Well he isn't the most perceptive person. He can't see the small details in a relationship because he is new to it. He would try to be attentive but it doesn't always work the way he wants.

So you were taking a walk in the woods to get to your commission. You had to kill some hilichurls. But you miscalculated the number and force they had and were hurt. You were bleeding from a wound on your abdomen and couldn't get up. To your luck or misfortune your lover was taking a stroll and saw you. He killed every hilichurl. After that he faced you full of concern and teleported you back to the inn where he had Ver Goldet take care of you.

When she left you were ready to be screamed at like your ex boyfriend did. And so you were dragged in the depths of your memory where your ex would tell you that you were so useless for not being able to do simple things like defeating a slime or cooking something simple. How he sometimes hit you for being a inconvenience and how he should've not been with you from the start.

But you got back into reality when you felt your lover shaking you slightly. You were meet whit Xiao's concerned face that called you more than 3 times to get your attention.

"Why didn't you call me? You could have been more hurt or killed there if I wasn't around! What did you think you were doing?" His words came a bit harsh but it was because he was very startled by seeing you almost dying. He didn't want to scare you or anything but something in you clicked and you started to cry. "I'm so sorry! Please don't be angry! I promise I won't do it again! I will be better from now one... "

Xiao was taken aback by your words. What do you mean angry? "I'm not angry." You stopped crying and looked at him. "You sure?.... " "Very sure. I just want to know why you didn't call me. " You looked at his face for a second and debated if you should tell him or not but decided to tell him anyway. "I just didn't want to be a bother. I'm sorry. " "You aren't a burden! I love you and I will take care of you. Do you think that I give everyone the right to call me? " "No... " "Exactly."

He made sure you were alright and that you would call him next time when something happens. And after that he goes to give a warning to your ex because he can't kill a human because of the contract. But he made sure that you never saw him again.

Childe

So you woke up before your boyfriend and didn't want to wake him up sience today was his day off. But you couldn't be happy of that because you got a message from your ex that said that if you don't come back to him he would hurt you very much. You were deciding if you should tell your lover or not.

And while you were in your thoughts your boyfriend made his way in the kitchen and tried to give you a hug from behind. But you got startled and spilled some coffee on he's shirt and your hand. In that moment you started to remember how your ex would lock you in a small room and wouldn't give you food or water for an entire day. So when you came back you immediately took some tissues and tried to make your punishment lessen a bit.

"I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to spill it on you." Childe didn't really register your words. He was looking at your hurt hand. So in the next second he took your hand and put it under cold water. "You don't need to do this. This is nothing." "What do you mean it's nothing? You are hurt!" "But your shirt. I destroyed it... " "Who cares about a stupid shirt!"

Childe was so confused. Why did you care more about the shirt than about yourself? After he took care of you he sat you down on the couch and made you tell him everything. And when you were done he was practically seeing red. He conforted you but the next day you heard that your ex was found killed in his house. You were a bit startled by that but at the same time a bit relieved that he was gone now and couldn't hurt you anymore.

Tighnari

Today was the day you wanted to clean the entire house. You knew how busy Tighnari is and didn't want to trouble him in helping you whit the cleaning.

So you started whit your and his room, then the bathroom, the kitchen, the garden and it remained only Tighnari's study and the living room. But you couldn't enter his study because you didn't want to mix his papers or something. So you made your way to the living room.

There you started and while you were mopping you accidentally hit the table and a bottle of a medicine Tighnari made shattered on the floor. And on that exact moment your lover entered the house. That made you panic and immediately get on your knees to clean it up.

In the process you managed to cut your hand a bit but didn't care. You needed to clean everything up before your boyfriend will get mad like your ex who would call you a bitch, a useless thing and a waste of space.

And while you were trying to clean that up your boyfriend was just confused about what happened. But after he saw you on the floor and you hand that was bleeding he went directly to you and picked you up to clean your wound. "Wait Tighnari! I need to clean that up! I am so sorry for shattering it! Please don't punish me!" Tighnari was taken aback by that. "I don't care about that stupid bottle. Your hand is hurt. It might infect if I don't take care of it. That was unimportant medicine. I can make another one."

He took care of you and then helped you whit the rest of cleaning even if you protested. At that moment you realized that he wasn't like your ex. He was the best person you could be whit and thanked God for bringing him to you.

#genshin impact #diluc x y/n #diluc x you #diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr #genshin diluc #xiao x y/n #xiao x you #adeptus xiao #xiao x reader #childe x y/n #childe x you #childe x reader #childe #ajax #childe tartaglia ajax #tighnari x y/n #tighnari x you #tighnari x reader #tighnari #genshin xiao #genshin childe #genshin ajax #genshin tartagalia #genshin tartaglia x reader #genshin tighnari

[nonbinarydeity]

GUYS!!!!! I DID IT!! I PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT MANIFESTING IS AND HOW TO DO IT NOW!!!!!!!

Ehem. Sorry. I'm very excited at the moment. Without further Ado, here is my epiphany from today!! As always, these are just my personal opinions, so take what resonates and leave the rest ❤️

The 4D is one part of reality. That is to say, imagination is an entire half of our experience. The other half of our experience is, of course, the physical reality, or 3D. This makes up one portion of US; I call it our awareness, and it is also called our consciousness. The other part of us is the part that remembers everything, known as the subconscious mind in the community.

The subconscious mind is often referred to as the creator of our reality, and in reality the subconscious mind is just as much a part of us as our imagination and our actual physical reality. Basically, the subconscious is our god state, higher self, etc. When we access it directly, we get into the void state, where we are pure consciousness, with no awareness.

So okay, we are consciousness and the subconscious, but what does that MEAN? The answer is so simple, and it's something repeated time and time again: you create your reality ENTIRELY. Every single thing (and this includes bad things like trauma, more on that in a sec) is created by your mind, because you aren't just awareness, you are also reality itself. The subconscious mind is everything and nothing (the void). It remembers everything but sees nothing, instead it reflects what happens in your mind onto the outside experience. Meanwhile, the conscious mind is the one that feeds the subconscious its information; it is the part that actually thinks. This is why changing your thoughts or your imagination or affirming or scripting WORKS. It's because you are BOTH the creator AND the creation.

Basically, our perception of reality and our perception of our thoughts is one part of us as a whole being. The other half of us is reality itself, every single possibility, waiting for us to tell us what is true so it can create that experience. That is why we can manifest. It also explains eiypo, because everyone and everything IS you: reality is literally created by your thoughts.

Okay, now onto explain why bad things aren't your fault, but first we need to understand that our mind tries to protect us from fully realizing our potential. Even as babies we were master manifestors, and as children we are better at manifesting because we have less limiting beliefs, so our mind needs to create barriers to protect us, because otherwise we would create our realities and possibly get hurt. Also, what child is ready to realize the responsibility that comes with this?

So, the mind plays a clever little trick on us, and separates our conscious and our subconscious minds, thus creating the effect of reality being your thoughts filtered by your EGO, which is basically you but without the knowledge that you are literally the creator of everything.

The good news is, you can TOTALLY bypass this whole thing by purposely affirming and ignoring what your senses are telling you. The subconscious mind is separated from your awareness, so it only has your neuron pathways to go by (basically the pathways created by your consistent thoughts), and it takes the information from those pathways and converts it into reality. Most of the time, reality is fixed, because most people don't know that they can control it, but once you find out how to, you can create these same pathways by just believing in something.

I like to refer to reality as being an elaborate scheme by your brain to make you not realize you're a god lmao.

So basically, until you learn to control it, this process of manifestation is controlled by the ego, and not by you directly. Because of this, you manifested/ created your trauma, along with everything else, but it is NEVER your fault that bad things happen until you FULLY realize your highest self, at which point you will have total control over your reality.

So how do you realize your highest self? It's really easy really! Just think how you normally do AS YOUR GOD SELF. Know that you have everything you want, because you are EVERY possibility, reality, circumstance, person, etc. Everything is you, everything comes from you, and nothing will ever stop that, so use it wisely.

Did I explain this well enough? It's kinda all over the place but I REALLY hope it makes sense because this is literally my thoughts in the god state. Good luck everyone!!

#law of assumption #master manifestor #law of attraction #living in the end #manifestation #manifest #manifesting #self concept affirmations #loassumption #loa