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ynyaan · 3 months

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𝙎𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙡 𖦹 | 𝐒𝐮𝐤𝐮𝐧𝐚 𝐑𝐲𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𓆩♕𓆪

𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 | 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 |

𝙈𝙤𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣𝘼𝙐!𝙎𝙪𝙠𝙪𝙣𝙖 𝙭 𝙍𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝘾𝙡𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙨!𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 | 𝙁𝙚𝙢!𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

Summary: You wear "revealing" clothing to a supermarket with Sukuna. Unfortunate to say, two strangers were not at all pleased. "Like hell, I'd let you touch her." He grits his teeth, watching the man in front of me kneel and wither in pain.

tw. you can change what you wear to what you please. In this fic though, it's described to give more context. Sukuna in his own body modern AU. Getting shamed; use of words: whore. Sukuna is violent as usual.

note. got emotionally personal here. I hope you find comfort in this fic as I did when I wrote it. <33

.ᐟ 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙩𝙝-𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙡𝙪𝙛𝙛

Today was shopping day. You've finally run out of enough comfort foods to force you out of the house. You groan loudly in your room. You were wearing only your undergarments and were already getting tired of the idea of having to find clothes to wear.

a familiar face walks by your room. Sukuna stops and leans on your door, his eyes observing your lazy state. "C'mon brat. Dress pretty. I'll take you out after shopping."

Your head snaps excitedly to Sukuna. It was rare of him to invite you out, especially since you were both so busy all the time. You simply just cherish the swift time at home cuddling and whatnot. Sukuna smirked at your reaction. Satisfied, he left to give you time to choose and change clothes.

After much consideration and throwing closet clothes on the floor, you decided to wear something showy, a cropped tee with its ends tied, a plaid skirt that falls above your knees, paired with a small bag and boots. You choose your accessories, put on a touch of makeup, and then you are good to go. "Kuna~!" You sing.

As you walk out the door, you find Sukuna looking at his phone and then quickly looking at you. You twirl, showcasing your outfit as he smiles. He walks towards you and grabs you by the waist. "How awful. My princess dolled up so pretty." He grins, his grip on your waist secure, leaning in for a kiss.

You stop him with your hand. "No. Kuna' we all know what a kiss will lead to," You pout, and Sukuna laughs silently on your skin. "Now, come on, I expect you to take me on to a charming night!"

The supermarket was the same as ever. Customers minding their business, the sound of cashier ringing in the distance, and stocks of your comfort foods.

"Ahh, there you are. I've missed you." You gleam at the snacks in front of you. Snack's destined to be finished within the week. You were left alone for a bit since Sukuna usually parts with you to grab things he needs as well.

By "needs," he grabs excessive amounts of food that would leave you bankrupt if you didn't pick through them every time you passed by him.

"Hey there." Suddenly, someone taps your shoulder. You turn your head to see two guys standing in front of you.

"Hello, do you need help with anything?" you smile politely.

"Ugh, seriously?" The first guy sneers. You tilt your head at him, hoping that comment wasn't directed at you.

"Dude, she's totally leading us on. Did you see that snarky smile?" The other guy says. Your eyebrows bridged together. Just your luck to be left in an aisle with these two idiots, huh?

"Sorry, you're getting the wrong idea-" You get cut off by a hand that warmly placed itself on your shoulder.

"You know em'?" Sukuna's voice was husky and low, gesturing his head towards the two men.

"Not really—“ Before you could finish explaining, The second guy from behind steps in, "Dude, you should really cover your girl up." He comments.

"Yeah, like, the way she looked at us earlier? damn, I almost mistook her for a whore." The other one added. Your heart sank at the disgusting comments made by them. You placed both your hands on your skirt, your basket resting on your arm. You actually felt confident to wear something like this because you knew Sukuna would be with you, you knew Sukuna would approve of it, and you knew YOU would feel good as well.

"Ha." your thoughts get cut off by Sukuna's voice. If looks could kill, indeed. You knew this situation would escalate, and really, all you want is a smooth, relaxing evening with your lover.

You raise your hand high enough for them to notice, "I'm sorry, you really got the wrong idea—“ Suddenly, the first guy tries to grab you by extending his hand swiftly, but before his fingers could reach you, Sukuna stops him by the wrist.

The next thing you hear is the painful cry and a loud snap. Sukuna broke his wrist all while his other hand was still secured onto your shoulder.

"Like hell, I'd let you touch her." He grits his teeth, watching the man in front of me kneel and wither in pain. The second guy wasted no time and launched at Sukuna, only for him to be dodged and punched right in the nose.

People started clamoring around, and you could already hear security calling backup.

"Sukuna, let's go." You urge him but not waiting for a response. You grab his hand, and you drop your basket. You run.

You were both parked at a nearby park, immediately driving away after leaving the supermarket. "You really didn't have to do all that ryo'." You softly say, inspecting the hand that he used to punch the guy.

"Besides, it's my fault. I should've dressed more modestly." You muttered under your breath. But He heard it.

"Don't ever fucking say that again." He grits his teeth. You look up at him, surprised by the sudden anger in his tone. His expression was tense, worried? maybe even a gloss of tears, if you will.

He moves his hand to push strands of hair behind your ear. It was soft, so painfully gentle. "People like that don't deserve to live. They don't deserve to have eyes nor mouths." He rambles, cupping your cheeks and kissing everywhere.

"If they were decent people, they wouldn't even think of looking at you like that, darling. They are delirious, annoying, little shits, who have nothing to do but try and push people down." He holds your hand firmly, his gaze unflinching.

"you will not be knocked down, my love. They do not deserve the space in your mind to bring you down." He lowers his head and kisses the back of your hand.

You exhale. You exhale and smile.

"I love you," he says. He looks so unbelievably beautiful.

You squeeze his hand gently before replying, "Thank you, kuna’. I love you too."

He smirks, a playful grin places itself on his lips. "That's my girl."

"I supposed we'll be banned there, won't we?" You ask, remembering the reason why you were in the supermarket anyway.

He scoffs, "Whatever, i'll ask someone else to do it for us." Sukuna grumbles, kissing the tip of your nose.

He leans back and starts up the car again, "Right now, you deserve a date."

───⋆⋅☆⋅⋆── 𝐼'𝓁𝓁 𝓈𝑒𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓁𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇 <𝟥

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leclerc-s · 3 months

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the blue - part nine

series masterlist // previous // next

ameliaholland triple header, you were amazing, time to go home for a while before vegas! p.s. i'll be performing for one night only in london on the 7th, tix on sale now!

tagged: oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc, landonorris, mclaren

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username girl do you ever fucking rest?

↳ ameliaholland you know what they say, the devil works hard but amelia holland works harder

samholland1999 how soon are you flying out again?

↳ ameliaholland we fly out on the 9th...

↳ samholland1999 damn.. they're right you never rest

↳ ameliaholland wag life is not for the weak

username NEW MUSIC? A PERFORMANCE IN LONDON?

paddyholland2004 tell mum i'm old enough for the vegas gp

↳ ameliaholland sorry kid, you're not

↳ paddyholland2004 I TOTALLY AM! THIS IS UNFAIR!

username the random charles picture is so funny. like no context is given and it's my favorite thing ever.

username oscar's featured on this more than amelia on her page, and i don't mind it one bit

mclaren perhaps tickets for admin?

↳ ameliaholland keep sending the oscar pictures and you've got a deal

↳ mclaren will do ms.holland!

logansargeant boo! we hung out and not once is there a picture of me here!

↳ ameliaholland you said and i quote, "i look like shit, don't you dare fucking post those amelia!"

↳ logansargeant but you still could have posted one of me!

username i live for wag amelia!

username my favorite wags are amelia holland and taylor swift.

danielricciardo DO I GET A FREE INVITE!!

↳ ameliaholland OF COURSE, ANYTHING FOR MY 2ND FAVORITE AUSTRALIAN!

amelia holland added 5 people

max verstappen i swear if one of them is harrison i reserve the right to sic yuki on him

yuki tsunoda who am i fighting?

amelia holland it's my brothers, tuwaine, and z

daniel ricciardo i may just be uncultured but who's z? amelia holland zendaya? duh.

lance stroll sure just casually mention of the biggest actresses of our generation as if we should all personally know her.

lando norris to be fair, that is technically her sister-in-law. am i allowed to call her that? they aren't married.

tuwaine barrett why would you call each other max's biggest nightmares?

george russell he said we were. except for charles

alex albon they're in love with each other, they just don't know it yet.

logan sargeant sort of like pierre and yuki, although they know they're in love.

mick schumacher amelia, toto was hunting down the person who left a whoopie cushion on his seat.

amelia holland te-he. carlos sainz is next on my pranking hitlist. charles leclerc do i want to know why? amelia holland inexperience... daniel ricciardo i love this kid

amelia holland can't believe they were all bitching for a week straight to be added to this group chat and when i add them they don't answer.

zendaya amelia, do you ever fucking rest?

amelia holland sometimes but in my defense, i got nothing.

oscar piastri she just doesn't want to see harrison

yuki tsunoda that's the dickhead, correct? lando norris yes, yuki, that is the dickhead

tom holland i don't get what performing has to do with seeing harrison but okay.

amelia holland you’re a man, of course you don’t get it.

zendaya ugh men lando norris yeah, you girls tell him. amelia holland that goes for you too norizz

yuki tsunoda yeah fuck men, especially pierre

amelia holland speak your truth king! lando norris this is favoritism! pierre gasly what the fuck did i do? yuki tsunoda you know what you did dickhead

alex albon nothing will ever hurt more than the yukierre break up

amelia holland WRONG!! BROCEDES EXISTS alex albon true

amelia holland AHHHHHH

amelia holland SOMEBODY SEDATE ME!!!

amelia holland THERE'S NO WAY THIS HAPPENING

lando norris WHAT? WHAT'S HAPPENING??

zendaya NO WAY!! CONGRATS AMELIA!!

max verstappen what are we celebrating??

daniel ricciardo why is she so happy? what’s happening? did oscar propose?

tom holland now hold on! he hasn’t even met our parents! harry holland eh, as long as they don’t have a vegas wedding who cares? sam holland I CARE DIPSHIT!! oscar piastri i didn’t propose.

amelia holland GRAMMY NOMINATED BABY!!

amelia holland I, AMELIA GRACE HOLLAND, AM OFFICIALLY A GRAMMY NOMINATED ARTIST!!

charles leclerc CONGRATS AMELIA!!

lando norris LET'S FUCKING GO! THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND!!

tom holland OH MY GOD!!!

tuwaine barrett OH MY GOD!! THIS IS CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION!!

daniel ricciardo PARTY TIME IN VEGAS!!

ameliaholland not a whole lot going on at the moment

tagged: oscarpiastri

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tomholland IS THAT WHY HE TEXTED ME SOS AT THE ASS CRACK OF DAWN??

↳ oscarpiastri I'M SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BAKERIES IN THE AREA THOMAS

↳ username HE WOKE UP EARLY TO GET HER CAKE AND FLOWERS?? SHUT UP THAT'S SO FUCKING CUTE!!!

username CONGRATS ON THE NOMINATION AMELIA!!

maxverstappen1 i see i've corrupted you on becoming a cat parent

↳ ameliaholland oh shut up, it anything taylor corrupted me

taylorswift congratulations amelia 💙

↳ ameliaholland thank you taylor 💙

username she's and icon. she's a legend. and she is the moment

hazosterfield congragualtions

↳ ameliaholland thank you

↳ username usually in the past she would include a heart

↳ username she has a boyfriend. and some f1 fans are so toxic they'd accuse her of cheating on oscar based off of that

tuwaine this barbie is a grammy nominated artist

↳ ameliaholland tuwaine i swear i'm going to cry again

username not a lot going on? girl you're nominated for a grammy!!

danielricciardo congrats baby holland!

yukitsunoda i was promised a party

oscarpiastri proud of you 🧡

↳ ameliaholland i know, you've told me about 8 times already

↳ oscarpiastri just making sure you know

username what's the kitty's name??

↳ ameliaholland i, of course named her after a taylor swift song. her name is ivy. she adores sleep much like her father oscar.

↳ oscarpiastri lies. slander.

landonorris THAT'S MY FUCKING BEST FRIEND!!

↳ ameliaholland grammy nomination before your first win

↳ landonorris we are no longer best friends

taglist: @six-call @1nt3rnetgf @fernandoswarcrimes @skynel09 @arieltwvdtohamflash @Mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @woozarts @dear-fifi @tygecjjd @cataf1 @nothaqks @caipng @nataliambc @formulaal @lichterfee @prongsvault @kaa212 @anxxiousaries @julesbabey1 @julesbabey @georgeparisole @hobiismyhopeu @melissayalene @nikfigueiredo @bella-1 @nichmeddar @namgification @anniemae299 @octopussesarecool @jensonsonlybutton @ragioniera

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! let's ignore that the picture says gracie. we have to use our ✨imagination✨ the taglist for this story is officially closed, because i plan on ending this series soon.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

#leclerc-s #the blue series #formula 1 #oscar piastri #oscar piastri x female oc #formula 1 fic #fanfic #fanfiction #f1 #f1 smau #f1 fic #f1 social media au #f1 instagram au

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

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I am I the asshole for telling someone what they were doing was "mean spirited and cruel"?

(submitted this a while back but was never posted - don't know if tumblr ate it or if it broke a rule, but i'm sorry if its the latter)

My complex has a facebook page where residents can post questions or concerns to other residents. One day a woman posted asking if we could move the food bowls where people feed the feral cat colony that lives near us because when she walks her dogs they always lunge at the cats; she had just had surgery and it hurt when they pulled on the leash. Someone responded saying they had moved the bowls down and that seemed like that.

Two days later she posted again saying that our "kind and caring neighbor" (her) had called someone to come pick up the cats. From another comment on the post it seemed like she had talked to someone IRL who was rude and basically told her "I've been feeding the cats for 10 years fuck off" and then called animal control immediately after that.

This felt really petty to me, and I posted saying that calling animal control on the cats was "mean spirited and cruel". I explained that almost all feral cats taken in are put down, and that she was making a decision about the community's cats without consulting the community. I added that I was sorry she had been hurting since her surgery, but that there were other steps she should have taken before this.

She responded that I needed to have more compassion for her as she herself was very compassionate and caring person. To which I responded that she should then extend that compassion to these cats that had never hurt anyone. (Seriously, they just chill around our complex and eat rats – they’ve never scratched or bit any person or animal)

She responded that they hurt her “fur babies” everyday because they make her dogs pull at their leashes and choke themselves. She then went on a rant about how she didn’t understand why people weren’t respecting her anger and that since she lived here she had a right to want the cats gone. She also mentioned that calling her “mean spirited and cruel” had racial connotations and that I wouldn’t call a white person that.

Important context, I am a white woman – up until this point I had not realized that she was a black woman as this argument was in a facebook group and the pictures were small. But it is very possible this is something I saw and internalized without consciously recognizing it.

I was really thrown by this, and just replied yes, I would and that I’m sorry it hurt to hear, but that is what her actions were. (Which, yeah, nobody ever not in the racist category uses the ‘I’d say that to anyone!’ excuse, but I truly didn’t know what to say). She continued to respond to my comment saying how I was a pitiful person if I’d really call anyone that, and that I hadn’t addressed any of her other points.

More people where commenting at the same time on this post, and while she responded to all of them my “mean spirited and cruel” comment apparently really got her because she kept bringing it up in arguments with other people. She really felt that people were being unjustifiably angry and mean to her for something she thought she had a right to do.

It also came out that she had apparently posted complaining about the cats the day before but it had gotten so out of hand the post was deleted before I could see it. She had also gotten into several arguments IRL with people feeding the cats. This explains why she felt so ganged up on I suppose – though none of this I knew before replying.

The next day she specifically made a new post calling out racists in our community and tagged me and few other people (even other POC) who had disagreed with her about the cats. I didn’t respond, but fairly quickly that and the post from before were deleted.

I’ve been really trying to think about if my internalized racism did unknowingly influence my actions, but I honestly keep coming back to the fact that I think I would have said the same to anyone who tried to get a cat colony killed because her dogs try to attack them.

Also for those curious – the cat colony is still here! It turns out removing a cat colony from their home is actually considered animal cruelty and is illegal in this state

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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crepesuzette2023 · 29 days

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Hold up ,,, Mal called Paul his love in his diaries?

Yes. In his autobiography. He also analyzed their relationship in his diaries. For some context, here's a longer passage from Ken Womack's book, Living the Beatles Legend (Chapter 31).

As January 1970 came to close, Mal began drifting into an emotional slide that has been developing over the past several years. "Seem to be losing Paul," he wrote on January 27. "Really got a stick from him today. He let me down," and ominously added "Fixing a hole," "Pepper," and "directorship" to a growing list of disappointments. Apparently, the conversation had turned yet again to the issue of Mal's servile role in Paul's life, with the roadie believing that the association was bounded by friendship and love. "A servant serves," Mal wrote, "but he who serves is not always a servant," he added, echoing John's philosophy from December 1968. "Love is as sharp and piercing as a sword, "Mal reasoned, "but as the sword edge dulls — you sharpen it. So love's keenness needs honing — needs honesty." *

[...]

On February 11, Mal joined John and Yoko for a lip-synched performance of "Instant Karma!" on Top of the Pops, with the roadie, clad in beige suit and a light-green tie, playing the tambourine. By this juncture, Mal's long-standing relationship with Paul was in freefall. A few days earlier, he have been awakened by a 1 p.m. telephone call from the Beatle. It went "something like this," he wrote in his diary:

Mal: yeah? Paul: I've got time at EMI over the weekend. Would like you to pick up some gear from the house. Mal: Great, man. That's lovely. Session at EMI?! Paul: Yes, but I don't want anyone there to make me tea. I have the family – wife and kids there. Mal: [thinking to himself] Goes my poor head, "Why????" **

By the next week, Mal found himself behind the wheel of the Apple van, moving Paul's gear from EMI Studios to Morgan Studios, another Northwest London facility where Paul could work incognito. At one point, Neil cornered Mal about Paul surreptitious recording sessions, demanding to know more. "Where's Paul?" he asked, to which Mal tersely replied, "Not telling you."

In other instances, Mal ordered a Mellotron for Paul, while keeping him fully stocked with plectrums and other gear. In late February, Paul asked Mal to move everything back to EMI, where he was set to record "Maybe I'm Amazed" in Studio 2. For Mal, everything came to a head at 7 Cavendish Ave., when "my long love, Paul, to whom I have devoted so many years of loyalty, turned around to me and said, I don't need you anymore, Mal." *** *, ** : Evans, "Diaries." [1963—1974.] 10 vols. Malcolm Frederick Evans Archives. Entries from Jan 27 & Feb 5, 1970.

***: Evans, Mal, 'Living the Beatles Legend: Or 200 Miles to Go.' Unpublished MS, 1976. Malcolm Frederick Evans Archives.

#Mal Evans #Ken Womack #Living the Beatles Legend #Paul McCartney #Mellotron #When you told me you didn't need me anymore...#Mother Malcolm comes to me

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calumsargwife · 5 months

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'i told them about you.'

calum hood x fem!reader

summary: for the first time in a while, Calum tells his friends about you

warnings: bad language maybe, mentions of drinking or smoking. (English is not my first language so there may be some grammatical errors, sorry!)

word count: 1.9k

note: hey! i know this took a while but here it is! i hope you guys like it. question: do you think i should also write for other people? maybe characters from movies or smth. tell me your thoughts!

"So, how's this new girl going?" Luke asked with his second drink of the night in hand.

As they normally do, the boys had gotten together today to hang out, to see each other in another context other than work (as if they didn't see each other every day already).

They had dinner and were now having some drinks prepared by Ashton, who had 'accidentally' made the drinks a little stronger than normal.

"Yeah, you haven't told us anything about her." Michael added as he sat in one of the single chairs.

Calum sighed as he took a drag on his cigarette and sat down in the large armchair in the living room, trying to hold back a smile as he exhaled the smoke from his mouth.

"What's that smile for, uh?" Ashton teased and pinched Calum's arm, also with one drink on the other hand.

"Don't know..." Calum modestly answered.

"Aw, c'mon. Just tell us something!" Michael insisted.

"How long have you been dating already?" Luke questioned as he smiled mischievously at the other two boys.

Ok, the truth is, you two weren't dating, you were still just getting to know each other and the boys knew it, they just liked watching Calum get all red.

"Two months." Calum answered shortly as he diverted his gaze towards the large window, which gave the view of of the tall illuminated buildings; the suppressed smile on his lips made his cheeks hurt. He remembered that surely you would love to have one of these windows, you liked to have a great view of the entire city.

"And...?" Ashton pressed.

Calum took another drag of his cigarette, exhaled the smoke and sighed to give the long-awaited response to his friends. "Wrote a song about her."

There was a moment of silence as everyone processed what was said until Ashton spoke again. "There's no fucking way." He spoke in disbelief while he leaned his back on the chair in surprise.

"A song?" Michael asked you. "About this girl?" The boy turned his head to look at his friends with wide eyes. "You've never done anything like this so quickly."

They weren't wrong. Calum was normally one to have casual relationships, he said he was in a moment in which he couldn't focus on a completely exclusive relationship with so much commitment. I mean, he and the guys were at the peak of their career now, they were recording an album, doing a lot of interviews, maybe they were going on tour and... well, he just didn't have the time.

So it's obvious that his friends are confused. Calum was quite strict about the rule of not dating for a long time.

"What changed?" Luke asked, who was now analyzing his friend a little more.

"Her." Calum responded immediately without taking his eyes off the window. "She changed everything." He said now taking his eyes off the window and looking directly at the group. "She broke every rule that I could have ever set for myself."

Calum finished his cigarette and placed it in the ashtray on the living room table. "So, I wrote her a song."

"Damn."

"I know." Calum sentenced with a smile while he rubbed his hands and played with one of his rings, the one you gave him for his recent birthday. A birthday that the boys assumed had ended early because of you. "I just really like her, you know?" Calum raised his head to look at his friends. "I know it sounds crazy but..." he tried to explain himself.

"No, it's alright... I get it, really." Luke interrupted him. Calum quickly turned his eyes to him.

"Really?"

"Yeah, man." Luke answered with a smile and looked at his friend tenderly. "Maybe you're falling in love, who knows." He teased.

The boys laughed at the joke. Calum laughed lightly and looked out the window again, instantly thinking of you. Luke's joke resonated in his head, maybe it wasn't that crazy.

That night While Calum was telling the boys about you, that same night, they spent the night over together at Michael's and Calum was the first to wake up and leave. He didn't say anything but he was walking frantically around the house while he picked up his things and had breakfast with his friends, who were very relaxed sitting in their chairs while looking at Calum with an amused expression.

Once in his car, Calum began to reflect. He had to pick you up at your house in exactly twenty minutes to go have lunch together at his house.

He knew he had changed, he knew he was different and that things were different with you. And he didn't see it as a bad thing, really. Because for the first time, he was taking his time to do things the right way. He wanted to know you well before making things official, he wanted to know you deeply.

Calum was enjoying this little secret situation of getting to know each other. He liked that no one knows what's happening and that it is something that only he can witness. He was fascinated by the feeling of privacy and that no one could steal those moments, they were his and his alone. So, telling his friends about you was a big step for him.

Calum liked you a lot, so he couldn't contain his smile as he turned the corner of your house while simultaneously trying to remember that spice you like so much in salads, he wanted to have it mentally written down.

His smile widened when he saw you standing waiting at the door of your house. He got out of the car and came out to greet you with open arms.

"Hello there, beautiful." He greeted as he eagerly brought his lips to yours without waiting for any response from you.

You giggled before connecting your lips to Calum's. "Hey..." You received another kiss from him on your cheek. "I missed you."

"Me too." Calum had recently started to admit that he missed you when you weren't together. You couldn't deny that you liked the feeling of him missing you. It warms your heart a little every time he says it.

Calum at first was... complicated, to say the least. You really had a lot of patience and trust in the process because this guy wasn't easy. He was very closed to the idea of being in a relationship again or even trying to be in one. It took a while for him to really open up fully, you knew who he was before you started dating and Calum was careful about it. He thought that at first he couldn't trust you, but oh how wrong he was.

You were the most fantastic person Calum had met in recent years: completely honest and spontaneous, you were really patient with him, you never rushed him or pressured him into anything.

Maybe it sounds like you chased him around but the reality is that it was Calum who asked you out (as contradictory as it may sound) after having seen you several times in the same places as him, he developed a crush on you the moment he saw you.

So being here now, opening his car door for you to go to his house, makes it seem like everything was really worth it.

"Have you made any progress on that song you told me about?" You asked after the trip started, your hands intertwined, you felt Calum's finger lightly caress your hand. You definitely didn't know that Calum had written you a song.

Calum smiled to himself as you remembered what he told you, something he was excited about. "A little bit yes, we've been with the boys defining the chords a little so then moving on to polishing the lyrics a little more."

"Sounds fun." You answered him while with a sweet smile observing the panorama through the window.

Calum looked at your profile for a bit and sighed discreetly.

"And how are you doing with your thesis?" He asked you now. "Have you been able to find out anything else or...?"

You laughed a little before answering. "It's not a thesis, it's a research." You gave him a tender caress on the cheek when you saw that he didn't remember the difference. Calum did know the difference, he just likes to play dumb with you so he can see you explaining the same thing to him for the fifth time. "But it's going well, we changed the methodology so it's giving us better results."

The small, casual conversation continued throughout the remainder of the trip. Once they arrived, you didn't wait for Calum to open the door for you before rushing to his house, eager to see his little dog, Duke.

"Why do you seem more excited to see my dog than me?" He asked with an amused smile as he reached your side at the door.

"Because I am." You answered without looking him.

"Rude." Calum answered as he pretended to be offended.

You giggled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Once the door opened, Duke instantly jumped onto your lap. While you were busy greeting the dog, Calum went to the kitchen to start preparing lunch.

Minutes later you joined him and you began cooking a simple but delicious lunch: a classic pasta. Calum was fascinated, he'd never tell you but deep inside he was completely giggling and kicking his feet. Everything came so naturally to the two of you, nothing was forced and you functioned as if you had known each other your whole life.

After a while, the two were eating in Calum's dining room. You made casual small talk, mostly in silence as you enjoyed the food. Calum savored this moment and tried to imprint moments of this tranquility into his brain.

"You know..." He began as he took a sip of his drink. "The guys..."

"Your bandmates?" You finished his sentence.

He nodded. "I told them about you."

Now you were in shock.

He told his best friends?

He told them about you?

You did know that they knew Calum was seeing someone. But that he told them specifically about you.

Wow.

Now that was a big step. Especially for Calum. You knew how much his bandmates meant to him, how much he trusted them. You also knew how Calum hadn't been in anything serious with anyone for quite some time, so it was probably a surprise to them as well.

You swallowed nervously. "Oh really?"

"Yeah, and they were happy for me." He answered you with a sweet smile as he blushed a little and looked down at his plate.

"Well, I'm happy for you too." You told him with your most honest smile as you took his hand across the table and gave it a light caress.

"They want to meet you..." Calum told you, a little nervous that you would say no. "And I want you to meet them too, honestly."

"Seriously?" You tried to contain your surprise. It wasn't a secret that you were also a fan of the guys's music, so you felt the pressure.

Calum nodded with a smile and looked into your eyes again. You saw hope in them, he didn't want you to say no. "Then I would love to, it would be an honor, really."

Calum smiled happily and pulled your hand to pull you over to where he was sitting at the table. He smiled and sat you on his lap. "Thank you, it means the world to me." He told you with a genuine smile while with one hand he caressed your waist and his other hand cupped your face and brought you close for a sweet kiss.

As you shared that kiss, Calum couldn't help but feel a great emotion inside of him, for the first time in a long time, he had a good feeling about this.

#5sos blurb #5sos fic #5sos x reader #calum 5 seconds of summer #calum blurb #calum hood #calum hood fluff #calum hood x reader #calum hood x y/n #calum imagine

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livlaughloveluke · 5 months

Text

𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐭- 𝐞.𝐥

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: ever since that night on the rooftop, you’ve known

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: a little cursing, brief mention of past toxic relationship, ethan being an absolute sweetheart

𝐚/𝐧- clearing out my drafts rn so im kinda posting a lot! this ones kinda short and sweet, but i think its cute 💗 also, you might want to listen to margaret by lana del rey, it will help this make sense 😭

margaret (feat. bleachers) by lana del rey

02:45 ━━━━●───── 05:40 ⇆ㅤ ㅤ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻

ethan’s heart sunk at the sight of someone on the roof, where he normally he spent his sleepless nights, thinking alone. he cautiously approached the mysterious figure, only to find out that it was a women who looked to be around his age, dressed in a lengthy white dress, with gorgeous shimmery pearls hanging loosely around your neck.

there was something enchanting about this moonlight. you looked incredible, despite your glossy eyes and runny mascara, which had given away the fact that you had been crying.

“you okay?” ethan muttered, unsure of what to do or say to the dazzling young girl. you jump, startled by the presence of another person. you wipe away what was left of your mascara, trying to clean up a little.

“yeah..? yeah.” you said, the first word sounding like you were trying to convince yourself, while the second ‘yeah’ sounding more persuasive and firm.

“wanna talk about it?” the brown eyed boy suggested, unsure where he got his confidence from. something about the stranger on the rooftop made him want to learn more.

“well, my boyfriend just broke up with me on our 6 month anniversary. he said he was taking me out to celebrate, but ended up dumping me while we were eating, elle woods style.” you shared.

“he sounds like a real asshole. maybe it was for the best.” ethan stated.

“i think you’re right. he was kind of an asshole.” the girl giggled in response.

ethan grinned, taking in her beauty as they stared at each other.

“well, i shared my story, now what about you? why are you here tonight? your girlfriend dump you?” you jokes, although you remained curious to what he reply was.

“uhm- no, no girlfriend. i like to come out here when i cant sleep. it helps me think.” he answers, taking a deep breath of the crisp, chilly air. he approached the ledge, and sat down, legs hanging off the building. it was scary the first few times, but recently he came to enjoy it. there was something so freeing about the risks of being this high up.

you mirror his actions and sit next to him. you look at the breathtaking view, before realizing there was a much better view right beside you.

you face him to ask a question.

“how do you know?”

ethan tilted his head in confusion, your question was to vague for him to answer. you continue talking, giving more context.

“what if he was the love of my life? how do i know?” this time, ethan can answer your question easily.

“that’s your answer, the answer is no. if you have to ask, then he wasn’t your true love. when you know, you’ll know.”

you just hummed in response.

“we never properly introduced ourselves. I don’t even know your name.” you inform him.

“we don’t even know each others names, and yet i still feel closer to you than anyone else in my life.” he added, letting out a dry chuckle, trying to hide how pathetic that was.

“i feel the same. you probably know more about my feelings than any of my friends, and we’ve known each other for what, five minutes?” you added. he was relieved that you shared the same emotions as him.

you stuck out your hand. “my name is y/n.”

ethan got the memo and reached to shake your hand. the contact made butterflies fill his stomach. “my name is ethan.” he replied.

“ethan? i would have never guessed that was your name. don’t get me wrong, i think its lovely, but you look more like a conner to me.”

ethan laughed at your comment, and swiftly formed a response. “conner? really? i think i look more like an axel.”

“i could see that i guess, but all i can think about when i hear the name axel is this kid who bullied me in second grade.” you giggle.

“you were bullied by a kid named axel?” he teases.

“yes!! and every day he would tell the teacher on me for something I didn’t even do!! and worse, the teacher believed him!” you were now full blown laughing, along with ethan who was starting to really enjoy talking to you.

you and him continued chatting a little longer, asking basic questions, but you wanted more. you wanted to know the real ethan.

“im tired of all these simple questions. lets go more in depth. for starters, if you only had one day left to live, would you tell anyone? why or why not?” you ask him.

“woah. to be honest, i don’t think i would tell anyone until the end of the day, you know? why ruin your last day alive by being constantly pitied, if you could spend it happily with the people you love most?” he announced, and you nodded your head in agreement.

“now i ask you something. if were getting murdered, and got to choose the way you were killed, what would you pick?”

“wow, that took a turn. i would probably choose to get poisoned. its not painful really, and its pretty quick. just don’t poison me with bleach. i hate the smell of it.” you declared.

this caused you both to start laughing again, to the point where your stomach hurt. after your giggle fest, your exhaustion got the best of you, and you yawned, sleepily. your actions did not go unnoticed by ethan, and he decided to call it a night. he helped walk you home, making sure to keep you safe.

you talked the whole way home, mainly about your music taste. he was into the alternative indie kinda music, and you bonded over a few artists. then, you reached your dorm. you exchanged numbers, none of you wanting this relationship to end.

for the next week, you texted each other constantly, giving song recommendations, and just learning about one another in general. you figured out you both went to blackmore university, and took a few of the same classes. you were surprised you hadn’t seen him before, but then again, two weeks ago you weren’t looking.

you were supposed to meet him on the rooftop again tonight. this time however, you wouldn’t be caught sulking in a dress. you changed into a more comfortable, yet gorgeous look.

eleven pm rolled around, and you headed up to the roof. ethan was already waiting for you, a bouquet of tulips in his hands. he handed them to you, and you couldn’t hold your smile back.

“how’d you know these were my favorite?!” you questioned him.

“you’re mentioned it a couple times. i researched the meaning, and it turns out they symbolize growth and new beginnings, which i thought was perfect, because of your recent relationship ending and uh i-“

you cut him off with a hug, holding the flowers off to the side, not wanting to crush them. you pull apart so you could face him when talking.

“they’re beautiful, eth. I can’t believe you put so much effort into them.” you informed him.

your ex boyfriend was a total dickhead, who never really cared. you weren’t sure if he even got you flowers once in your relationship. it was new having someone that cared, and the feeling of being truly loved was definitely not unwelcome.

you both sat on the edge and started babbling like last time.

“you know who i’d think you’d like? faye webster. she’s really good, and while she’s well known, she’s definitely underrated.” you blurt out.

“I’ll listen to her tonight. whats your spotify?” he asks. you share your account and both follow eachother. he starts scrolling through your playlists and reviewing them.

“taylor swift? really, y/n? i thought you were better than this.” he sarcastically says. you act offended, before retorting back.

“taylor swift is so good! she’s popular for a reason. maybe you just haven’t heard the right album. i feel like you would like evermore or folklore.” he shakes his head, disapprovingly. he claimed he would never listen to one of her songs. (he spent 2 hours that night listening to the albums you suggested)

eventually, it got late and he started walking you home. out of the blue, he asked you an important question.

“would you maybe want to go out with me one night? officially?” he managed to stutter out.

“i’d love to, eth.” you respond.

you had never really been completely sure of something, but that night you knew one thing. you were in love with ethan landry.

#jack champion #ethan landry smut #ethan landry #ethan landry angst #ethan landry x reader #jack champion x reader #jack champion x y/n #jack champion x actress! reader #liv’s writing !

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starberry-cupcake · 20 days

Text

Alrighty, here we are again

previously, in harrowcita the ninth:

this happened

currently, after ch. 2 (once again, I wanted to read more but realized these notes were too long):

first off, I need to point out something very important

reading the first part of gideon, this was how the dynamic of her and harrow felt like, from gideon's pv in the first chapter or two

this is what it actually was like, now that I have harrow's pv

so, now that we've cleared that up, let me tell you about the emperor

I don't know about this guy

something's not adding up for me

I feel like he's either lying, telling half-truths that benefit him or he doesn't know what he's doing

and none of those options are very god-tier

he's also constantly going like "harrow, I'm gonna let you choose" and five minutes later he's "oh, actually, you never had a choice to begin with, I'm so sorry about that"

I don't think you're sorry if you've done it like 3 times since we've met you

maybe say what you actually mean, unless you're full of lies

he takes harrow on a walk through the clown death star ship he's got going on

and takes her to his coffin hangar

shows her coffins of the people he made to send to the ninth

the new ninth people

aiglamene is gonna have to work overtime

(I can't believe I've never forgotten her name)

and then there's coffins for all the little friends we made in canaan house

:) ♥

except there are a bunch missing people

let me just note the info we got

the second says "no human remains inside"

last we saw them, martita was KO and judith was bleeding to death

nobody from the third as well, and we already have suspicions about wtf is happening with these parsley and cilantro twins

from the sixth, one is empty because CAMILLA ISN'T DEAD GODDAMMIT

the other one has little pieces of palmolive in it

me picking up the pieces of palmolive from the decor of canaan house

there is one coffin for not!dulcinea

the emperor guy says he's taking her with the other lyctors

as long as he flushes afterwards, it's fine

we are, by the way, trying very hard to not mention gideon ever, apparently

just wanna point out real quick that THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE UNACCOUNTED FOR and this guy is GOD so he's doing a terrible job

or he's not saying all he knows

or both

all this time, ice cube barbie is tagging along

ice cube barbie is harrow's babadook, which I stan tbh

since she's here to stay, let me show you another pic of that doll because it's my favorite from the haunted beauty collection

so, the emperor starts telling harrow what they're fighting against (or escaping from) and where they came from

this man explains what he wants and leaves out what he wants

at one point, when harrow asks something like "how will you explain all the dead people?" he goes like

he asks harrow about death and the process of it and she says, at one point:

"In cases of apopneumatic shock, where death is sudden and violent, the energy burst can be sufficient to countermand osmotic pressure and leave the soul temporarily isolated. Whence we gain the ghost, and the revenant."

this is important for the later conversation about revenant beasts, which are the things that the emperor is having trouble with

but I highlighted it because I am adding it to my notes of "reasons why gideon could be not dead forever"

I am holding on to all the hope I can get

because if sudden violent death can leave the soul temporarily isolated and not do the due process of transitioning to the river or whatnot

and gideon isn't within harrow or whatever

maybe

maybe she's somewhere else

I don't know, let me have this, don't tell me anything, just

LET ME HAVE THIS

so yeah, basically the story is that the emperor is running away from nine revenant beasts, which were created during the resurrection, when a planet was blasted off

nine beasts like nine houses

there's three left now

I don't know about all of this, you guys

I don't have enough context and I don't trust this guy here

how do I know where we stand in all this?

what if he's not the good guy and what he did was some planetary bullshit to begin with?

what if the other side is the good guys?

what if he's killed by one of our heroes? like harrow or gideon or camilla?

because he's actually a false god jerk?

what if I kill him????

and then we have two last important things

first, barbie ice cube speaks now

love that for her

then, very crucial

the non-gideon mentioning seems to be a Thing

I don't know if I'm understanding correctly but

the emperor mentions ortus

ortus, the one we knew, our old pal from the ninth

and I got the feeling, idk if I got it, that he just assumed ortus was the cavalier she had with her

because 1) he didn't go down there and 2) no body was recovered

and then harrow also mentions ortus, but she says he "died thinking it was the only gift he was capable of giving" and that she "wasted it" and idk if she did that because she's blocking sad memories, she's confused because she's Not Doing Great Mentally Right Now, she doesn't wanna tell the emperor what actually happened, or all three

there's stuff about ortus I don't know, but that sounds to me more like what gideon said than what ortus "Got Blown To Bits With Mom In Ship" did

and then the emperor says his name again with suspicion and I'm like

I think this clown doesn't know

I think he doesn't know about gideon

I think he doesn't know about gideon or who gideon actually is

which we don't know yet either but it's probably important

because she's hercules, as previously established

I think maybe gideon is an outlier

an important planetary outlier

I have hopes

also, another day without camilla

god (not this one) I hope I can make shorter recaps but there's so much happening, I'm so sorry

#luly reacts to tlt #harrow the ninth #harrow the ninth spoilers #tlt spoilers #long post #the locked tomb

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bellezaycafe · 3 months

Text

Get Your Shit Together - Chapter 7

genre: 2024 and onwards AU, with the 2024 starting grid.

pairing: Romantic!oc x that triangle y’all voted on. Platonic!oc x the whole grid.

warnings: swearing, mentions of physical crimes, discussions about gangs, mentions of bars and alcohol. Besties arguing. talk about the accident in chapter 4.

context: Part 1 and Masterlist…

comments: here’s the Max and Sadie content I promised. I like to reveal details slowly, as you can tell. Also, I’m writing Oscar like he’s a genius because I can see him putting the pieces together before anyone else.

Also, I'm not referring to AlphaTauri as Visa Cash App Racing Bulls or whatever their rumoured name is.

The three time World Driver Champion grumbled as his phone buzzed. He was tired of people texting him. He wanted one day of peace.

Lando: you should have told me

Max: Told you what?

Lando: why sadie disappeared

Max froze and knew his peaceful day was gone. Either Lewis had spilled, which was unlikely, or Lando had found the Australian girl.

Max: Who told you?

Lando: she did

Lando: you should have told me

“Goddamn it, Lando,” he muttered and pulled himself off of his couch.

Max: I take it you found her

Lando: by accident

Lando: but yeah we found her

Max sighed and tapped the call icon. This would go so much faster if he wasn’t wasting time typing.

Lando picked up in two rings.

“Witness fucking protection, Max,” he greeted.

“Is she with you now?” It was the first thing on Max’s mind.

“No.“

He couldn’t see Lando’s face but Max could hear him pacing.

“Lando-“

“Witness protection, Max. Gangs! Attempted assault!” The boy was raging.

But Max picked up the details Sadie had never told him.

“She’s told you more than she did me. What attempted assault?”

Lando didn’t reply as another voice, faint from distance, interrupted them.

“No, I’m not giving you the phone. Go ta- Hey!”

There was a scuffle and Max Fewtrell’s came over the line.

“Max, mate. Can you stop this dumb fuck from doing something stupid?”

“It’s Lando Norris,” the Dutchman commented.

“Yeah, that’s the fucking problem.”

There was more background arguments which had Max impatiently tapping his foot.

“Right, I’ve got the phone now,” came Oscar’s accent. “And you’re on speaker. Do you want me to explain?”

Max grunted an affirmative.

“Right. Sadie works a bar at a restaurant about 45 minutes drive from here. Lando and Max went there for dinner because Daniel said it was good and low key. Lando recognised her, she recognised him. She drove him back to my mums house and apparently ‘explained what she could’ on the way.”

Max could hear irritation in the young Australian’s voice and wondered why he was riled up.

“Okay, and now she’s gone again?”

“Yes,” Lando whined.

“And she left without giving you a way to contact her,” the Dutchman guessed.

“Yes,” Lando grumbled.

“Sadie has our numbers,” Oscar added. “Lando’s and mine.”

“She’ll text you if she wants to.” Max tried to reassure.

“Will she?” Oscar asked.

“I don’t know,” the Dutchman admitted.

“She unpredictable,” Lando observed.

“No shit,” came Max Fewtrell’s voice. “She took your fucking car to the leg for you. If anything is unpredictable, that’s it!”

“Right, I’m going. You three can argue amongst yourselves, but trust me on one thing. Don’t chase her. Sadie is scared and she would rather hurt you than risk herself.”

“I don’t believe that,” Lando stated. “She risked herself for me once. She did it without thinking, she-”

“Lando, she was doing her job.” Max cut him off and he flinched at the harshness of his own voice. “I’m going. Don’t do anything stupid.”

And he hung up.

Then pulled up a contact he hadn’t touched since the beginning of November.

She answered faster than Lando had.

“He called you, didn’t he?” Sadie’s voice was a little distant and Max could hear the road noise. He knew her car had bluetooth and wasn’t concerned.

“Yeah,” Max sighed out the confirmation.

“Did you give him my number?”

The distrust stung.

“I swore that I wouldn’t. Kid, I haven’t even given it to Lewis.”

He heard Sadie sigh.

“Just checking,” she grumbled.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” A lie.

“Kid-“

“Max, I’m 21.”

“Don’t care. You keep lying to me and I’m gonna keep calling you kid.”

Kelly walked into the kitchen, still in her pyjamas despite the late morning. She immediately knew who he was talking to. She raised an eyebrow at him and poured herself a cup of coffee.

Max flicked the phone onto speaker.

“I’m fine, dumbass.”

“You’re not.” But he wouldn’t push, he’d learnt not to.

“I will be.” It was always the same answer, again and again.

“Alright well, check in with me like usual okay?”

Sadie muttered a confirmation but Max knew that she was debating a disappearing act.

“Sadie,” -he hoped using her name would connect with her heart, rather than her fear- “just the check in. You know you don’t have to do more.”

“I know that I don’t have to do anything,” she quipped. It wasn’t a snap, she’d never snapped at Max. “But okay, I’ll text you in December.”

“Thank you.”

“Have a good day, Max.”

Max rolled his eyes. Of course she had already worked out the timezones.

“Have a good night, kid.”

To be fair, he had too.

The call disconnected and Kelly placed her hand on Max’s. It was a silent reassurance that Max appreciated.

“Penelope will finish her TV time soon,” Kelly said as she kissed his cheek.

He snaked a hand around his girlfriend’s waist and drew her close.

“We should go out for lunch,” she added.

“Thank you,” Max said into her lips.

It was a grateful sentiment that held far too many layers for his tired mind.

——$——

December landed while Max was battling it out in Qatar. Oscar had taken Saturday's sprint, again, and fought hard during Sunday's race. The Dutchman had defended through the final four laps, fending off both Australians in cars that shouldn’t have been outperforming the Ferrari’s or Mercedes’.

But Oscar had pulled an impressive P2 for a second year in a row, and Daniel had been all smiles as he'd pulled his AlphaTauri into P3.

But as Max hauled himself out of his hotel bed on Monday morning, thoroughly hungover, he found a text from Sadie.

She'd set her own contact name in his phone.

Ego Crusher: All safe and okay here. I know that Qatar was this weekend, saw that you won. Congrats on another win. Congrats to Oscar for beating your slow ass in the sprint. He's good at keeping you on your toes.

Ego Crusher: I didn't tell you until now because I wanted you to focus on Qatar, but the trial started last Wednesday. Should finish Monday my time. I'll let you know what the result is. This is the last four.

Max hissed out a breath, both at his aching skull and her news. He checked his time in Qatar, 9:30am, and did the mental maths for Melbourne time. Sadie would just starting work, 5:30pm, if she had shifts during the trial.

The Crushed: Thanks for letting me know you're okay. I hope the trial is going well.

The Crushed: I know you said you don't want to leave Australia but if any of those dicks are acquitted I'm sending someone to get you.

He left his phone on the kitchen counter, poured himself a glass of water and contemplated his capacity for the energy of Daniel Ricciardo that day.

Max's phone chimed. He cursed at the sound's affect on his headache and flipped it over.

*new message from Ego Crusher*

So Sadie wasn't at work.

Ego Crusher: Yeah, yeah. You said that already. Tell Kelly I say hi and give P a hug for me when you next see her.

The Crushed: Will do.

The Crushed: Update me.

Ego Crusher: Will do :)

Max flicked his phone onto silent, texted an update to Kelly and went to put it back on the countertop. Before he let it go, it vibrated again.

*new message from Oscar Piastri*

He cursed in Dutch.

Oscar Piastri: I know you're in contact with Sadie. She told Lando and I about the trial back in Melbourne. We haven't heard from her and we're worried.

He swore again.

Max Verstappen: She'd kill me if she knew I told you.

Oscar Piastri: You just confirmed it but okay

Max Verstappen: If I said nothing Lando would try to find her again and then we'd all be worried.

Oscar Piastri: You're not wrong

Max Verstappen: She updated me overnight. Trial is still going but so far so good.

Max Verstappen: How long have you known?

Oscar Piastri: Figured it out after you hung up on Lando in Melbourne. You spoke about her like you knew her.

Oscar Piastri: And thank you.

Max finally set the phone down, sighed and cursed, again. His life had never been simple but he didn't know if it had ever been as complicated as it was since Sadie had appeared.

He had siblings. He had Victoria. He had quite a few of them amongst his father's numerous marriages. And he was familiar with the protectiveness that came with being an older brother, and essentially a step-dad.

But he wasn't quite sure how to protect someone who didn't want his protection. Or wasn't actually his sister.

----$----

I did promise some Sadie and Max. I didn't promise it was going to be sunshine and joy though.

@snubug @cmleitora @izzy-marvel @aquangxl

a few came up with “no blog found” so i hope they worked

#f1 #f1 fic #formula 1 #formula one #f1 imagine #lando norris #f1 x oc #f1 fanfic #get your shit together #max verstappen #oscar piastri

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i520u · 6 months

Text

11:11 𓂅𓏲•₊˚

NINE. 21:37

Sungchan is what you would call a fair-weathered friend. You can’t for the life of you remember when was the last time he was ever there for you when you were at your worst, in the context of as your friend. Then again, you can’t fully blame him either. He has university, you met him through Kamden—your neighbour. You never exactly sought out for him when you were at your worst. Why would you? You have Minjeong and Yizhuo. On top of that, your brother, Hanbin has been a great pillar throughout your whole life.

But yes, Sungchan had never been there on days where you could hardly get out of bed. Hardly eat, shower, and open your phone. Days where you force your body to sleep even when it’s not tired, even when it has rested for too long.

You wondered why you were recalling these memories as you watched Sungchan climb up the remaining steps on the staircase, your favourite takeout in his hands, a genuine smile on his face. You currently weren’t at your worst in that moment, so why was your brain reminding you of all those times?

Rather than feeling sombre by the sudden waves of memories, you were glad that he was here now. Even if you weren’t exactly at your lowest, you still felt pretty shitty. You’ve always been slightly more self-aware about yourself than you let it out to be. You’ve always been a little more sensitive than most people, even if you do a good job at pretending you’re not because your self-awareness tells you that you’re annoying if you show others that you were hurt by something as minor as a slight change of demeanour from them towards you.

“Elevator’s under maintenance again?” Was the first thing he said once he reached your side, pointing towards the lift, where the indicator read ‘OUT OF ORDER’ in capital red letters. You turned to look at where he was pointing, and nodded absentmindedly. You weren’t sure why you felt a surge of calmness with Sungchan standing right in front of you. Because, hey, it’s Jung fucking Sungchan. You weren’t sure how he had managed to tune down all those loud, bad memories that were playing in your head just seconds ago. You were confused by it.

“Sorry for making you take the stairs to the sixth floor.” You scratched the back of your head awkwardly, “not a problem. I’ve been through worse.” Sungchan’s tone was lighthearted as he gently ruffled your hair, not enough to make a mess out of it, but enough to make you smile a little.

He walked past you, placing the takeout he bought on the countertop while you closed the door and let it lock by itself. “I bought you a little something, because I feel like I was responsible for triggering your insecurity.” Sungchan frowned, at himself in particular. “Sorry, Y/N.” He added as he motioned for you to sit by him at the countertop.

As you made your way towards him, you also absentmindedly shook your head at his words, “I was the nosy one. Plus, I was just being overly dramatic over the phone.” You reassured him, climbing onto the tall chairs by the countertop. “Yeah but, considering how long we’ve known each other, I should’ve been a little more careful with what I say.” Sungchan countered, he took a bite from the french fry he had in between his fingers.

You let out a sigh as you unwrapped your own food, staring at it blankly. “You shouldn’t, though.” You murmured, your voice so quiet that people would’ve thought that you were just mumbling to yourself. Sungchan surprisingly heard you, though. “Why’s that?” He asked, sliding the drink he bought for you towards you. You shrugged, taking your eyes off of the food and back to him. “I should know these things. So that I wouldn’t bother them any more than I have. The last thing I’d want is to mistakenly interpret just how comfortable people are with me.” Your voice was calm, but your mind was a little bit of a mess.

It wasn’t directed towards Gyuvin, it’s directed to the fact that something like this had happened to you too many times. You knew you shouldn’t fully judge Gyuvin’s entire personality just from the two screenshots that Sungchan sent. Plus, he probably said that before the whole incident happened to him—before he had the chance to get to know you better. What was bothering you was something more internal. It was the possibility of Gyuvin still feeling that way even after getting to know you.

You let out a soft groan as you thought of that outcome. “Do you think I’m loud?” You asked without meeting his eyes, almost like you were embarrassed to admit that you were aware of this—you’ve always been aware, you just never let people know that you acknowledge it. Sungchan’s eyes slowly glanced at you from his own food, his chewing becoming slightly slow as if the gears in his head were slowly moving as he constructed a proper sentence to your question.

“Loud?” Was the only thing he ended up saying—or rather, asking. You nodded, still adamant on not meeting his eyes. Sungchan exhaled slowly from his nose, “are you embarrassed to ask that?” He asked, almost like he could see right through you. It was weird, really. Sungchan was the last person you’d ever consider emotionally intelligent. Yet, there he was, reading through your body language.

You didn’t feel like dragging the conversation by beating around the bush any longer, so you just nodded. “Why? Is it a bad thing to be loud?” He asked, like he was actually confused with why you would feel embarrassed about your own personality. “You’re not overwhelmingly loud, not in the sense that it’s obnoxious. You’re just talkative. It’s not a bad thing to be chatty.” Sungchan added before you could even answer his first question.

You weren’t sure what to say to that. He was giving you words of comfort, but at the same time he wasn’t denying that you’re loud. You also kinda knew him enough to have doubts in your head on whether he’s actually nice or not. You can’t help but be sceptical about Sungchan, because while you do know that he’s been a great friend to Kamden, and even to yourself—you’ve known him longer as a boyfriend rather than a friend. And god knows how bad of a boyfriend he was.

‘Maybe it’s different,’ a small voice in your head would tell you, and you cave in each time. Maybe it is different. Bad boyfriends don't equate to bad friends, after all. So you decided to trust his words. Not him, but his words. He was offering them out of kindness and respect for how you were feeling at the moment, and you should accept them.

“Right, chatty.” You nodded finally, after much pondering, “Yizhuo said the same thing too.” You added, finally taking a bite on the food that he bought that was only turning colder the longer you played with it. Sungchan nodded, almost relieved to see you reacting positively to what he had said. “She’s right.” Sungchan reassured again, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, his hand giving it a light squeeze.

You took notice that that was the first time he ever initiated any physical contact that day, and you wondered if your previous break up–one where you swore that you and him will never get back together ever again–had taken a toll on both you and him. Because for once, Sungchan seemed a little more reserved and less touchy compared to all the other times that you both had broken up with each other.

You don’t take it negatively, though. Maybe this was for the best. You and Sungchan, just friends. You don’t have to beg for his attention because he’s not entitled to give it to you all the time, and he doesn’t have to keep complaining about you being too touchy with some other guy.

“But she’s also pretty.” You added, and the momentary relief that Sungchan had was gone as fast as it came. “Minjeong and Yizhuo are also loud, but they’re pretty. People often notice their looks first before their personality. Then there’s me, everyone calls me loud first, before the ‘hey, you’re kinda pretty.’” You find yourself rambling. Sungchan wasn’t sure what to say to that, but he knew he shouldn’t leave your rambles unanswered. “You’re pretty too.” He said.

While the compliment felt nice, it didn’t go unnoticed to you that he still didn’t deny that you were loud—and possibly annoying.

“Do you think we were toxic towards each other? As a couple?” You asked, yet another random but heavy question thrown onto Sungchan. Despite being taken aback, he didn’t flinch at your question. “Maybe.” He answered softly, his arm still around you, “but, I had fun. You were fun.” He smiled, the hand on your shoulder went up to ruffle your hair gently again. “You’re really feeling gloomy, huh?” Sungchan chuckled softly, “let me take care of you until your brother comes home. I don’t think we should leave that mind of yours all by itself. Don’t want you self-sabotaging, right?”

You chuckled at his words, you wondered how he knew all of this about you, because you swore that he never cared enough to know your habits. Your patterns when you feel insecure. To be honest, you didn’t even feel that shitty anymore about Gyuvin. It’s just that your brain was just… purposely making you feel sad with all your past regrets. It was just one of those days—that you’ll undoubtedly get over the moment you wake up in the morning the next day.

Though, a thought came to mind just when you were starting to feel comfortable around his presence. Sungchan is a fair-weathered friend.

masterlist | previous | next

SYNOPSIS -͟͟͞☆ gyuvin tells himself that he’ll be okay, and losing friends is a part of growing up. he firmly believes that having to move schools in a different city was the universe telling him to try again. he then meets you, and he hates you. he knows he should be thankful that you saved his life, but every time he sees you, he gets annoyed.

NOTE -͟͟͞☆ thank you to my bff vivi again for helping me improvise this chapter 😜 also i feel like the story is going a little slowly so i’m gonna do something about it soon…

🏷️ ; @lluvjjun @p-romise9 @daydreamer5006 @gvuyin @jayujus @meoszn @lovefooi @mins-fins @qunwooks @gyuvinfan @annoyingbitch83 @ilovegyuvin @igotkpoops @deafeningtyrantmilkshake @purerehua @xinxinyy @rickysgfundercover @loverb0yz @keita-luv @nonamenonamenon @sunoosluvr @flor206-blog1 @j4dorebooks @rksbae @alwayswook @idkwatodoanymore @livelaughlovelicky @dimplewonie @kdjdh @antwe @andsjun @soobiverse @jiseokzzz @countmekocho @minkkumaz @cowsidfk @softyminhee @raeewe @girlokarina @ihrtjeongin @hanjisbeloved @jiaant11 @ilovechanhee @keilovr @bbangricz @444yizhuo @qnrui @wave2love @iraa567 @backzuhaz @jakahbot @satoreu @doobinnies @yizhuotv @manduhao @onlyhoons @kyanmeai @taereae @beomibeom @poollabug @ilovewonyo @eternallyhyucks @ajybeo

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billsjum6ie · 8 months

Note

hey, could you write a romantic one-shot (fluff) with Bill x reader (fem!reader) please? The reader (y/n) is a famous singer. So for the context, I imagined they could meet in a clothing store but like incognito (bc they're famous etc) and it would be love at first sight (for the era : 2009/2010)...

(Of course!! I don't have all the details I need so I'm a bit freestyling here but I hope you like it!)

Love at first sight

Bill Kaulitz x fem!reader

It was late afternoon when you decided to go shopping. Whenever things get too busy for you and you start feeling pressured that's where you lash out. Shopping. Being a singer this famous helps this hobby of yours a lot, so it's one more day at your usual clothing store. You have your hair up in a ponytail, some sunglasses (that don't really help you see, but it's better than getting recognized all the time) and a usual baseball cap. Your clothes are pretty casual, a plain t-shirt and jeans, something far more different than your stage clothes. When on stage, singing, doing something you love, you want to be a little bit extra. Leather crop tops and pants, (faux) furs and lots of makeup. And being admired by one of the artists you like the most, Bill Kaulitz, gave you another strong boost to keep this style. You heard in an interview that he really likes your clothing and that he could possibly try it in the future. You guys were pretty similar when it comes to fashion. So it shouldn't be a surprise when you noticed a familiar face that day. He was trying to be unrecognizable as well, but his height was the first thing you noticed. Not many people you've seen are this tall, a detail about him that always fascinated you. And, when you got closer, his signature black and white nails couldn't go unnoticed. He was in the changing room area and was trying on some skinny pants with a black and white pattern. You yourself already had chosen many clothes to try on so you approached the changing room too.

"I think people are gonna go feral when seeing you in this."

You said, absent-minded, as you hang your clothes one by one in the changing room next to his. At first he was surprised, flinching a bit at your voice until his eyes went to you through the mirror. His lips parted a bit, a second wave of shock as he turned around to face you.

"Y/n? Are you-"

He slowly brought his hands to his lips, his excitement making your heart flatter. You should admit you have a crush on this guy. I mean, who doesn't?

"Oh my God."

He added and you noticed his cheeks reddening.

"I never knew you're coming here to shop too. If I did, I would invite you to come shopping with me sometime. You have a good sense of style."

You said, laughing a bit as he managed to collect himself and his fanboying over his celebrity crush.

"That would be great! I mean, I'm sure you've seen the interviews."

He said, giggling as you nodded, rolling your eyes playfully.

"Of course I have, and I'm fluttered."

You said as you saw him go into the changing room. You went into yours as well trying on the first t-shirt.

"So, you come here often I suppose?"

He asked and you nodded, forgetting he can't see you.

"Yeah, every now and then. When things get too much for me I like taking my mind off of shit this way."

You said and got out of your changing room going in front of the mirror. You fixed the shirt, turning your body around slightly to see how it looks on you.

"Don't stress it. You look fine, and it's definitely your thing."

You heard his voice say as he came to the mirror too. He stood beside you looking at himself. It was a quick thought, but you couldn't ignore the fact that this couple you saw in front of you could break the internet if it became reality. You turned to him. He was now wearing a black turtleneck.

"Too plain. Maybe add something?"

He looked at you, scoffing.

"You thought that was it?"

He said as he went in his changing room for a couple of seconds before coming back with a necklace. Basically a silver chain with many layers. He slowly moved it in front of your face, making you laugh.

"I'm sorry, I forgot."

"Duh."

He said, rolling his eyes like this was the most common thing. He closed the curtain behind him.

"I think you should buy it. You choose great jewelry so it would fit perfectly. "

You said as you did the same and changed to some leather pants, going to the big mirror again to check them out. At the same time he was there with you again. You noticed his eyes checking you out and you felt a wave of confidence fill your heart.

"They suit you."

He said before turning to himself. He now wore a black t-shirt with a huge white skull on it. You raised a brow. Damn, he was pretty.

"This looks really good."

He smiled, looking at you,his hands on his chest playing with the shirt.

"I thought about buying one for the other guys too. Like a maching t-shirt for the whole band!"

He said, excitement in his voice, bringing a smile on your face. His side that was still a child always make your heart skip a bit. He was so fucking sweet.

"Is Tom gonna like it though?"

You asked, making him laugh. That pure, genuine laugh of his.

"I don't care, they're all gonna wear it."

He said entering his changing room. After some more clothes you both tried on, you were finished. When you exited the changing rooms area he looked at you.

"Do you maybe..wanna go grab some coffee? Or you have other plans?"

He asked you, hesitantly, making you scream from excitement. Internally.

"That's actually a very good idea. You made my boring day a bit brighter now."

You gave your answer without a second thought as you went to the cashier. You paid, each their own clothes, despite his efforts to convince you to let him buy it for you, and you left for the nearest square. You found a coffee shop with a very pretty aesthetic and sat there, putting your bags aside. You ordered coffee and immediately started talking about everything, nothing specific. The one topic was following the other with not much effort. You realized you two had a lot more in common than just your style.

"I never expected to be sitting here, with someone I admire so much, chatting like this is an everyday thing."

He said, laughing a bit as you called over the waiter to pay. You couldn't hide the huge, bright smile that appeared on your face.

"Me neither. I would love if this happened again. Unintentionally, of course."

You said, sarcasm prominent in your voice at the last sentence. But he definitely got the message.

"Are you going to pay together or separately?"

The waiter asked and before you could answer,

"Everything is on me."

You heard bill say, sending you a playful smile. You rolled your eyes. This bitch. When he paid and you stood up to leave, he got your phone in his hands. You saw him open your contacts and adding a new one.

"I hope it'll come in handy pretty soon."

He said, giving you your phone back with a grin. You knew it was his phone number so you grinned back, putting it in your pocket.

"I'm sure it will. I had so much fun."

You said before grabbing your bags.

"Bye, Bill. I'll see you soon."

You said before turning to leave.

"Y/n."

Your name, so soft, so precious, coming from his lips. You turned around again, just a little so you could face him.

"It was a pleasure."

He said, nodding slightly.

"See you soon. Unintentionally. "

He added, making a small,knowing smile appear on your face.

"Unintentionally. "

You repeated before you both went your ways. When you got back home and checked your phone, you already had a message.

pretty stranger from the store ;)

Tomorrow. Same time, same place. Sounds good?

Not even half an hour before you guys left the coffee shop. You didn't need to think about it.

I'll be there, "pretty stranger" ;)

Who would've thought a normal trip to your favorite store could end up in something like this? And you knew for sure, it was the same thing from Bill's side as well. The only thing you didn't know, is that, a few hours later, some fans uploaded some pictures of you and bill from that coffee shop, probably recognizing you no matter your attempts to prevent that.

-------------------------------☆---------------------------------

Tom couldn't help but notice the posts about his brother and y/n. So when he burst into Bill's room he had every right to not knock, according to him.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!"

He screamed, making Bill jump slightly from where he was sitting. At first, he turned to his brother surprised, scared something bad had happened.

"What didn't I tell you?"

He asked, utterly confused as Tom threw his phone in front of him on his desk. Bill took it in his hands looking at the post.

"You went on a FUCKING DATE with your FUCKING CELEBRITY CRUSH and you didn't tell me ANYTHING?!"

He screamed again, making Bill laugh.

"Not a date, Tom. Just a quick decision after some pretty good shopping therapy. Nothing's official."

Tom rolled his eyes, making an exaggerated taunting move with his hands at the words of his brother.

"Oh fuck me, Bill. You and your "official" bullshit."

He mumbled, leaving the room. Bill laughed as he looked back at the post. His eyes went to the caption.

"Bill and y/n? Together at a coffee shop after going shopping? The smiles and glances that were exchanged don't seem so random. Is this the love at first sight Bill was always searching for?"

He laughed slightly to himself but his heartbeat quickened suddenly.

"It sure is."

He answered before closing the phone and leaving it beside him on the desk.

#kaulitz twins #tokio hotel #tokio hotel fanfic #tokio hotel imagine #tokio hotel x reader #bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz x reader #bill kaulitz imagines #bill kaulitz fanfic #bill kaulitz fluff

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fuckyouimnotcreative · 1 year

Text

Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

Needing a little bit of love

A soft Bakugou scenario.

‣ Unedited or proofread

Context: You and Bakugou are at that stage of dating where things are a bit awkward but nonetheless you guys are comfortable in each other's presence

There are times when everyone feels lonely and that's okay.

You were doing something random when suddenly, you just felt alone. Not the comforting one, this one immensely bothered you. You didn't know why you felt alone.

No. Alone was not the right word.

You felt empty.

Like there was a hole right where your heart was. You try to guess what made you feel the way were.

You gave it a thought, rummaging through your brain to find the answer. You kinda wanted a hug or maybe cuddles and warmth.

So, you left whatever you were doing and dragged your sorry self to your boyfriend's dorm.

You knocked on the door a few times and wait there patiently for a certain male to open it.

A few seconds later you heard the door unlock making you feel a bit better already. The male on the other side of the door looked at you before moving out of the way to let you in.

"Hey", he greeted you as he closed the door behind you.

"Hey", you replied back, replaying whatever you were about to say next as you smiled at him.

"Need something?", he asked you.

"Well, uhm...", you started, "Can we like cuddle or something? I mean only if you want to. A hug would also be appreciated"

"Yeah uh- yeah we can", he answered. You could see a little blush creeping up as he opened his arms waiting for you to replace the empty space, which you gladly did.

"Thanks", you said as you wrapped your arms around his torso, smiling into his chest feeling a bit better already.

"Also, you don't have to be so formal dumbass. It's just me" he laughs at your awkwardness as both of you cuddle up on his bed.

"Yeah I know", you reply as you buried your face into his neck as he rests his head on yours.

"So, you gonna tell me what's with the sudden affection? Not that it's a bad thing", you heard him say after a while, you know that his face was burning red at this point, making you laugh.

You lifted your head up to face him and sure enough, you were right. His face was bright red. You giggled at him before placing a small kiss on his neck making him blush even more.

"I don't know I felt kinda lonely and cold so I just- um..", you stopped m trying to find the correct word.

"I just needed some love I guess...", you finished blushing as you avoided eye contact. You could mentally feel the smirk on your boyfriend's face. You mentally prepared yourself for whatever was about to come.

"So my little baby here need some lovin' huh?", your boyfriend teased, as your boyfriend turned back to the menace he was.

"You want some kisses too? How about here- here- here- and here-", he continued as he peppered kisses around your pretty face. You laughed at his action trying to playfully get away from him.

"Does my girlfriend feel better now?", questioned the male, as he pulled you closer.

"Yeah your girlfriend feels much better now", you answered.

"If I had known that I would someday see this side of the mighty powerful Bakugou, I would've dated you much earlier" you added, making the blonde laugh at your statement.

"Well, now you do", he said wearing his signature smirk, but this one was a bit softer than usual. This one was specially reserved for you.

"Thanks again", you said as you buried your head in his neck again.

"I love you", your boyfriend says before kissing your forehead and resting his head back on yours.

"I love you too"

#bakugo katuski #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x you #bakugo imagine #bakugou scenarios #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou fluff #mha fluff #mha x you #mha x female reader #soft bakugou #soft bakugo katsuki #bakugou katuski x reader #katsuki bakugo mha

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formereldestdaughter · 1 month

Note

ok wait i need to hear more of your thoughts on peeta owning a bakery....

This is one of those rare times where I’m pretty sure this anon isn’t someone I know personally bc I’ve subjected anyone who will listen to my rant about the Peeta Bakery Headcanon. Anyway, you’re gonna regret asking this anon bc there are fucking Layers here.

I know this is probably a controversial take based on the number of fics where I’ve seen it, but I simply do not think that Peeta would open a commercial bakery after Mockingjay!! Like on a metatextual level, I don’t think it really fits with the point of the ending of the series. It actually sort of fascinates me that it’s just such a common headcanon because the ending of Mockingjay is exceedingly vague. I think that vagueness invites us, as readers, to imagine a better world post-revolution. A world where Katniss would feel confident that her children would be safe from injustice, where she’d feel confident that her children would never know want the way she did as a child. A just world. A kinder world. Can a capitalist society ever be just? Is a capitalist society where a disabled teenager has no other means to subsist himself (or feels like there’s no other way he can be a contributing member of his community) really the post-revolution world we dream of? Is that really the best we can imagine?

(This got so insanely long I’m adding a read more lmao)

I get that showing a better world is not always the point of post-mockingjay headcanons/fics. Like there are plenty of really great post-mockingjay fics I’ve seen where, yeah, part of the fic is that society like ISN’T all that different or all that much better. I’ve seen that really well done! Hell, I’ve written them myself! It’s easy to imagine how a lot of aspects of society would not get an overhaul, a lot of the same structural inequalities would continue to exist. One headcanon that really stuck with me (I can’t remember which fic it was from) was that Peeta sells basically mail order baked goods to people on the Capitol, sending them iced cakes and pastries by train, because there are still people who were “fans” of theirs during the Games. And idk this doesn’t actually have much to do with my point lol but I liked it because it’s kind of fucked up and like! Yeah! It makes sense! If he needed money that would be a good way to make it! War often makes people rich, often for horrible reasons, and often it’s people who already have capital in the first place.

Anyway, more about the hypothetical bakery because alright. I bring up the fact that “yeah society not being all that different post-revolution and still being an unjust capitalist hellscape” could be a reason why Peeta re-opens a bakery because that’s actually never the types of fics where I see the bakery headcanon. Fics where Peeta opens a bakery are usually trying to make the exact opposite point. Like. Things are getting better, now he can open a bakery! Look at how much better the world is now, plus he’s got a bakery! Peeta is healing, that’s why he can open a bakery now! And I am so, so sorry to inform everyone who’s never had the grave misfortune of owning a family business, but there is truly nothing further from the truth lmao. Like just putting aside the immense amount of emotional baggage that Peeta has about his family, running a small business is an insane amount of work in any context and being a baker especially is physically grueling and involves early hours (and long hours) that aren’t really the best fit with the multiple ways that Peeta is disabled now. (I could go into this more because I have a lot of thoughts. But I will spare you.). I also think it’s seen throughout the books that Peeta is someone who needs time to pursue creative outlets to process his feelings and someone who values leisure and values quality time with his loved ones. And having grown up in his family’s bakery, I think he’d understand the reality that running a bakery wouldn’t leave much space of those pursuits and wouldn’t leave much space for him to have the things that keep him healthy and stable. I think he’d know that the way he is now— after two Games and the war and unspeakable torture at the hands of a dictator—isn’t compatible with the lifestyle necessary for running a commercial bakery.

And tbh with that in mind, I don’t think he’d push himself to re-open a business (one that would be a constant reminder of his dead family and his complicated relationships with them that got no closure) that would require him to sacrifice his physical and emotional well-being. Like I think he might look into the possibility, I think he might even start trying to open a bakery out of a sense of obligation/duty, maybe harboring some idea that this is who he was supposed to be, who he would've been without the Games, or that it’s this last piece of his family that can live on, or that it’s this last connection to his family so he can’t let it die too. But ultimately, I think any attempt to open a bakery wouldn’t get very far. Maybe he'd start wading into the logistical nightmare that is small business ownership and realize it's not for him (because it's probably also true that as much as him and his brothers were involved in the business, there's almost certainly parts they weren't involved with and didn't see, i.e., filing taxes). Or maybe looking into opening a bakery— how triggering it is, the stress of it— causes a downward spiral. Maybe he hates how much he's worrying everyone by unraveling. Maybe having a breakdown from the stress of just trying to open a bakery makes him realize, yeah, maybe in another life he would have ran his family’s bakery but the way he is now just doesn’t work with running a bakery, not without great sacrifices he's not willing to make. I just can’t see a bakery coming to fruition.

I know a lot of fics include Peeta deciding to reopen a bakery as a big step in his healing or include him rebuilding a bakery as part of his healing process but honestly, I think the opposite would be more true: I think Peeta either trying/failing to open a bakery or ultimately deciding not to open a bakery would be hugely healing for him. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way he is now as a person, his new limitations but also his strengths. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way his life his now and accepting that he likes his life the way it is, that he’s satisfied with his life without needing to own a bakery. I think it would be an important part of him coming to terms with the loss of his family. I think he knows he can never have things back as they were and I don’t think he would try to recreate them, especially because his family’s legacy isn’t a business. I think he’s emotionally intelligent enough and self reflective enough to realize that what mattered to him about the bakery— taking care of others by feeding them, being integrated into his community and being actively involved in it, brightening people’s days with delightful things whether that’s beautiful cakes or hearty food or delicious treats— and the things he learned from his family through the bakery, are things that he can carry on in other meaningful ways.

(Do you regret sending this ask yet, anon? Because if not, you will soon. I’m not done yet. There’s more.)

I wasn’t really sure where to put this next part in what is rapidly becoming an essay because it sort of combines the points about like “what do we imagine a post-mockingjay society to look like” with the practical difficulties of starting this bakery but here’s another thing: do people really think that the Mellarks owned the land the bakery was on?? Like, sure, the merchants are the petit bourgeois of Twelve but I still don’t imagine they really own anything. In a society where houses are assigned to people upon marriage, where property ownership and capital are so closely interconnected with citizenship (as shown by the Plinths who, by having immense capital, are able to leave their District and become citizens of the Capitol) do people really think the Mellarks would be allowed to own the land their bakery is on?? I always imagined it sort of like a tenant farming situation: the Capitol gives them the raw materials for the bakery and in return the bakery give them some absurdly high portion of their profits, or the Capitol sells them a year’s supply of raw materials at a premium on credit and at the end of the year the Mellarks have to use the money they made with those materials to pay it back, except it’s never enough to turn a profit so they always have to buy next year’s materials on credit and the cycle continues.

We (understandably) get a really skewed view of the merchant class through Katniss’s perspective so I can see why people come to the conclusion that his family owned the property and, as the last surviving member, he would’ve inherited it. I’ve seen the inheritance thing in fics a lot or a hand wavey “well Twelve was decimated to no one owns anything anymore so it can be his” or even like an almost sort of reparations type situation where he’s entitled to the land as a surviving refugee of Twelve. But I don’t know. I guess I don’t think it fits with everything else we know about Panem that the Mellarks would’ve owned that land and I think the question of whether the government would’ve let him take ownership of the land post-revolution brings up a lot of issues about the structure of society post-Mockingjay that I find more interesting to explore in other ways, especially when, from an emotional perspective, 1) I find the idea of Peeta not opening a bakery more compelling and 2) I don’t think it really fits his character arc by the end of Mockingjay to reopen a bakery, as I went on about at length above lol.

On the flip side: literally who cares!! Do whatever you want!! Headcanon whatever you want!! I get why people go for the bakery!! It’s fun, it’s wholesome, it’s a built in bakery AU that isn’t even an AU. It doesn’t matter if it’s practical or realistic!! It doesn’t need to be practical or realistic!! It’s fanfic of a dystopian YA series!! My unfortunate affliction is that I grew up in a family that owned a restaurant and that I have multiple degrees in the social sciences so I can’t see the bakery without being like “What about the overheard? What about the start up costs? Who’s spending long nights balancing the books? Is Peeta covering shifts when an employee calls in sick? Is Peeta the sole person working there until the bakery is open long enough (often a year or more) to start turning a profit? How does that sleep schedule work with his nightmares? How does that work with Katniss’s nightmares? What happens when he has an episode and suddenly needs to take the day off before he has any employees? Does the bakery just remain closed for the day? Can the profit margins withstand regular unexpected closures? Can the supplies withstand regular unexpected closures?” And if the answer is “Elliott none of those things matter he’s not doing the bakery because he needs the money but because he wants to”, then my question is why does he want to? Does he not get the same sort of satisfaction out of feeding his loved ones? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would rather give away baked goods than sell them?? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would prefer to make cakes for people’s special occasions upon and then when they insist on paying him for it, he only lets them “pay for the ingredients” which actually cost significantly more than he says they did??

So yeah my point is that it’s a matter of personal taste! It doesn’t fit the way I see the series but that doesn’t mean it’s like wrong, I’m not an authority on Peeta lmao.

It’s also a matter of personal taste in the sense that I find the themes that most resonate with me at the end of Mockingjay (and the end of Peeta’s arc specifically) more interesting to explore in other ways. Grief, living with loss, relearning yourself, finding hope, figuring out your place in a dramatically different world when you don’t even know who you are anymore, healing, building a new life after such complete and total destruction of your old life— those are all things I find compelling about the end of Mockingjay but for me the bakery isn’t the most compelling way to explore them.

Not to say I find the concept of the bakery totally uninteresting. I have this fic about Johanna that I’ll probably never finish where the point sort of is that, yeah, her life really isn’t all that much better after the war. It’s been years at this point and she’s still miserable and she doesn’t know how to be a person but by the end she’s trying to figure it out. And towards the end, Peeta tells her that he’s spent years sort of passively, half-heartedly trying to figure out how to inherit the land his family’s bakery was on, only to find out it was never theirs in the first place. They’d been renting it the whole time and he’d never even known as a kid. So he sort of passively, half-heartedly went on another wild goose chase to find the owner and now, finally, after years of writing to various government agencies and being sent in circles and things being barely functional, he’s managed to track down the owner. Now it’s owned by the daughter of the man who owned it when he was a kid because the original owner (who was likely up to some sketchy war crime shit) died during the war and she inherited it (the irony…). He got in contact with her and asked how much it would take for her to sell it and she told him she’s not interested in selling but in light of the situation, in light of the fact that he’d have to build a new building in order to operate a bakery, that she’d cut him a deal— she’d only require 50% of the bakery’s profits as rent instead of the 80% his family used to pay. And of course Johanna is outraged, that’s not right, the owner shouldn’t be allowed to do that, they should do something about it, they should fight back. And Peeta is like. Not interested. He was actually sort of relieved that opening wasn’t very feasible. Getting the answer was a lightbulb moment where he saw that over the years of trying to look into this, he’s built a life that he likes— one where he’s stable, where his loved ones are stable, where he’s cared for and can care for others— and he doesn’t really want to change it drastically by opening a bakery anyway. He just needed an answer, one way or another, before he could get some closure and move on. (And the point of the conversation is Johanna is having her own lightbulb moment that it’s okay to move on, it’s okay to change, it’s not a betrayal of the people and things she’s lost but that’s not my point here!!).

But anyway. That’s obviously not about running the bakery— it’s about the choice to not run one.

Anyway!! Anyway… are you satisfied anon? Is this what you wanted?

Lastly, here is my most important qualm with the bakery headcanon: must Peeta be gainfully employed? Is it not enough for him to be Katniss’s boytoy? Can’t he just paint and garden and bake and hang out with his girlfriend all day? Is that really too much to ask?

#peeta mellark #thg #the hunger games #the hunger games meta #anyway wow this got so long and I literally read it through one (1) time so uhhh sorry if this makes no sense!!#as I was doing my one read through and realized that one of my other thoughts on this is that yeah I can much more easily see the #headcanon that peeta like sells baked goods (probably at cost with no profit) out of his kitchen because that’s much more flexible #and I think that would work a lot better with what like I guess I’d call his psychiatric disability post mockingjay #and how he’d certainly want to take care of Katniss too #like that sort of flexibility makes a lot more sense for him and it’s like. if he doesn’t bake for a few days or however long then it’s fin #it’s not a formal brick and mortar business #it’s just something he’s doing because it’s a way to be involved with people and a way to do something he’s passionate about #without there being waste and while covering some of the costs #and he doesn’t have to like keep books or do payroll or any of the things I can’t see him being very passionate about #as far as like bakery management goes Lmao he can just bake!!#but then I started getting into this whole thing about how that quote-unquote ‘running a business’ like that (informally from your house)#is actually a really common practice for people living in poverty so probably something that Katniss and peeta would’ve been familiar wirh #anyway and then this whole rant about how the emphasis on the brick and mortar bakery often goes hand in hand with #this widespread fandom thing of having a fundamental misunderstanding of how rural poverty works and what it looks like #but then I was too deep into it and said you know what? never mind! and deleted it lmao

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bonecoatvodtranscripts · 2 months

Text

Transcript: talking about something more serious (Shubble VOD 2/21/2024)

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CWs: physical abuse, emotional abuse/gaslighting, financial abuse, mentions of sexual assault

Feel free to reupload this transcript anywhere, I really don't care about credit for this one

Hello!

I don't know if you can even hear it. I put on, like, light jazz in the background because it seemed awkward being quiet, but I don't think you can hear it, so I'm just going to turn it off. Hello.

Welcome. We are in emote-only cause I'm just going to be talking today and then I'm going to go. I'm going to go. Yeah, it was very very low. There's no need. I just - it felt weird leaving you in silence, but I'm here, so.

Hello. I want to talk about something today that... I'm very nervous. I feel sweaty. I had a sweater on. I had to take it off. I'm going to try and just - I wrote down pretty much everything I think that I want to say, to keep track of all the points that I want to make sure I don't forget anything, so I will be reading from something a good portion of the time, but not 100% of the time. And I just wanted to make sure I got all of my thoughts down in words ahead of time. I really like writing down my thoughts, so I did that.

Oh, hold on. Can I turn ads off? I think that maybe we turn ads off today. (laughs) How do I make that happen for just today? I should have had that already. I actually don't even know how to make that happen. You know what? That's just going to have to be that way. I'm so sorry, um... I'm all good.

Yeah, okay. Today's just going to be talking. I'm just going to start reading from what I wrote and go from there. I have a really big coffee. I'm going to take a swig. (drinks some coffee) And I have my water, and I'm going to take a swig of that. (drinks some water)

I have always liked telling my different experiences that I've had in dating, because it feels important to me to share what I've learned and maybe help other people to not make the same mistakes that I have before. I'm 30. I've dated a lot. I've gone on a lot of dates. I keep trying, and it's unfortunate that a lot of my dating history, there were a lot of bad people that tried to manipulate or control me. But that's not to say that every person that I've dated has treated me poorly. Some people just weren't the right people. And speaking out about my bad experiences has never felt as important as it does right now, because silence has always brought me peace, and this time it feels like my silence is not keeping my peace. It's only keeping somebody else's peace.

And I never thought that I could be the kind of person to end up in a situation like I did. I never thought that could happen to me. And so for me this is important, because it could help anybody else see the signs sooner than I did, or hopefully avoid a similar situation entirely, because... (deep breath) The truth is it was dangerous.

There were a lot of things wrong in this relationship that, um... I endured some pretty terrible treatment. And I might touch on some things here and there about that, if I feel like it's important to the overall context. But what I want to stay focused on is this specific issue, and the things that happened matter-of-factly and the things that people saw and witnessed in our circle.

It took me 10 months after to heal, and I spoke with multiple therapists and tried different forms of therapy. I tried somatic therapy. That one was actually really good for me, because that one actually helped me release a lot of built-up anger I was having over the last year. But the anger that I was feeling was for myself, because I felt like I should have known better. I felt so stupid at myself for staying through all of this. And I shared my story with a lot of friends after I started talking to therapists, and I was like, So this thing happened and I wasn't really sure. It just seems weird now to me, looking back. And all of them told me exactly what was happening in the words that I was too afraid to use. And I was being hurt in my last relationship, and it took me all of that time to see it through that lens. I even posted an anonymous story to Reddit that I have now deleted, with an anonymous account, but in posting that, I found a dozen other stories that were exactly like mine, exactly the same way. And all of the comments said exactly the same thing.

And I was so mad at myself because I was lying, too, at a certain point, to protect this person, because I knew that if I told my friends the truth, it would make him look really bad.

I didn't think that I would cry, and I practiced saying all of this and I didn't cry, but it's easier to practice it when no one is listening.

But he always cared more about how it looked, and that was really important. Not what was true. And it was really subtle. When I hear about... When I hear about physical abuse, I think of hitting. I think of hitting and punching. So I thought that this wasn't violent enough to be abuse. I thought that it was just, like, a constant accident that he kept hurting me. But he's not hitting me.

And it didn't start as something that he did to hurt me. He had this habit of biting, which is so weird to me now, but he said that he had this habit since he was a kid, and even his mom said that that was true, and he said it was just affectionate, and that might have been... I mean, I think that might have been true maybe at the start, but I also feel that I have good reason to believe that every part of it was a lie. But that's just my personal opinion.

And I had no problem with just biting. That isn't even the most uncommon thing. But he did mention something early that I should have taken as a red flag. And he want wanted to make sure that I was okay with him biting me, because he didn't want me to come back later and say that he abused me, which I thought was really weird considering he had never hurt me before, and so why would I call it abuse, and why was he thinking about that? And I thought he was being sweet, checking on me to make sure that I was still comfortable, but of course I was, because he hadn't hurt me. And why would I think he ever would?

And then he did for the first time, by accident. And I don't specifically remember the actual first time that he bit me too hard by accident, because I didn't think that it would be significant. I thought that it would only happen once. And he started biting me more and more over a period of time, sort of throughout the whole relationship, and accidents of him biting too hard and really hurting me happened more and more frequently. But he always seemed genuinely sorry, and he decided that he didn't want to keep accidentally hurting me. So we were going to use a safeword so he could learn where my limit was, where my pain tolerance ended. And saying that out loud now doesn't sound - like, that's not very sound logic. But at the time, I thought he cared about not hurting me, but in reality it's like, why are you biting so hard? And why do you have to bite so hard? And it shouldn't be that hard of a problem to stop. That shouldn't be that hard.

And he disguised it as this really quirky part of our relationship, and was so comfortable sharing it with his friends, to the point that he would do it in front of them. He thought it was this really funny story to tell, and a good bit to take my arm and bite me in front of everybody until I literally shout in pain. And then I have to laugh it off, because I'm so embarrassed and I don't want to cause a scene in front of our friends, and I'm sure everyone was a little bit uncomfortable, but as long as I was saying that it was fine, nobody really felt like they needed to be concerned, and that's not anybody's fault, because I was lying. I was lying, and it wasn't fine, because I would go home later and I'd tell him how uncomfortable I was, how much I didn't like being hurt all the time, and I needed him to really stop biting so hard. I didn't like it, and I tried telling him over and over again, because he-

[VOD cuts] - asked him to stop again. This time he said, This is who he is. He isn't going to change. Those were his words. And I remember a lot of specifically his words about certain things, especially at the end, because I'm good at remembering words. Especially his wording, I became really good at remembering, because he was constantly contradicting himself. And I would notice, but most of the time it wasn't worth picking a fight over. But he would fight me on it sometimes, cause I would point it out, and he would insist that he had never said the thing

that he said, he definitely did say. And then he would say something like, "How are you so sure you're remembering correctly? Why are you always right?" And he definitely said the things that I heard him say, and other people heard him say.

So he had, now, at this point, weaponized the safeword, and was using it to ensure that I was hurt and on a constant basis, and he wasn't sorry anymore. I couldn't even tell you the last time he had apologized for doing it anymore, because now sometimes he would bite me, and I would yell out the safeword because it hurt so bad, and he'd clamp down even harder. Just for a second, just for good measure, before letting go. And sometimes I'd say the safeword, and he'd grind his teeth down on my skin, and sometimes he'd smile after, like a gloating grin.

And during this time I was filled with so much anxiety all the time that I was constantly nauseous, gagging daily, on occasion throwing up because of the pit that was in my stomach. I never told him about that, though. I was going and running away quietly to throw up in the toilet and rejoin our group of friends. But I felt so unwanted and ignored. And I would tell him that, and then he would reassure me that he wanted to be together and he loved me. He loved me more than I loved him, even. He would always insist that that was true. Like that, "I love you." "I love you more." But he was, like, really serious about it.

And looking back, I do believe that the way I was swept off my feet at the beginning of this relationship was 100% love bombing. And we were friends for a time. At least, people would have thought that, actually, but I use the word "friend" very loosely, because we had actually never spoke to each other outside of group chats we were in together, like, a handful of times throughout the whole time that we knew each other, but did not talk to each other. so I wouldn't have even called him my friend. Until he found out I was single, waited a few weeks to reach out, and then we started a friendship. And then that friendship turned romantic, and then he made these huge romantic gestures. He wrote me the most beautiful love letter that I had ever read. He called me his soulmate. He talked about forever one month in. He told me he hadn't been in a relationship in 5 years. He thought he could never find love again before he met me. He said he wanted someone to grow with. He wanted to be a dad. He had all his names picked out. And I didn't have a preference, because my feeling of it is, if the timing is right, and with the right person I could. But if that doesn't work out in time, or the timing, you know, I'm not super pressed about it.

But I started opening my mind up to the idea with him, because it seemed so important to him. And I kept trying to talk to him to figure out where he was later on when I could tell things were declining, and now, all of a sudden he's telling me he's not sure he wants kids at all. In fact, he has never been attached to the idea of kids. And I told him that isn't what he said before, and he said he's allowed to change his mind. And I'm of the opinion that in a relationship, there are a few things that you are not actually allowed to change your mind without letting your partner know. I think that kids is one of them. It wasn't even important to me. And I think marriage is one of them, so I brought that up next. And I asked if he still wanted marriage. He said he wanted to marry me. And then he said now, "I'm not the-" this is a quote, "I'm not the commitment guy. You know that."

I didn't know that. Why are you dating me? In fact, he was telling me the exact opposite every day. He would tell me he still wanted to be together. He wanted to work on all of the problems. He wanted me at the end of everything. He did not want to break up. He made that very clear.

I have, though, caught him in lies before, but usually it was small stuff, and again, I didn't want to - It wasn't anything that ever seemed worth rocking the boat over. Which isn't normal for me. I hate lies. And yet I ended up lying for him. But he had lied about big things, and he had also been caught lying by his friends numerous times. So this is something that he feels is acceptable to do.

And everything reached a breaking point when he was about to leave for an extended period of time. We were not going to see each other very much- a few days out of every few months. And now suddenly he is dumping all of these problems that he has been having feelings about all of this time later. At one point he said he's been feeling this way a couple months. At another point he says he's been feeling this way for six months, immediately contradicting himself in the same conversation. And with no time to do anything about it. I arrive the one of- Never mind. I'm going to get to something later. But I literally arrived for 3 days for this conversation to happen and then leave.

(cat mews) My cat just woke up and she's not usually awake right now. (leans to cat, offscreen) Hi, my love. It's really close to her dinner time. I should have fed her early.

So, no time to fix any of the problems all of a sudden, because there are three days before he leaves. And he insisted he did not want to break up. And so he was expecting me to have a solution somehow magically, and I gave a number of solutions that would have a way forward for us to be together, but he refused to make any compromise whatsoever. And he said that the relationship was starting to feel like a responsibility towards the end. Also his words. So it wasn't a responsibility the whole rest of the time to him.

And he was at this point basically flaunting that he would never prioritize me over anything. (talking to cat, indistinct) And I wasn't even asking for literally even the bare minimum. I was asking for so little. And he - I was watching him give exactly what I was needing in the relationship all over the place to anybody else who just happened to ask and just wasn't me.

And also, he was never going to prioritize me over anything that would give him more fame or money. In fact, he said that himself. That was exactly why he was not going to compromise at all for a solution for us to be together, because he said he wanted to see how much fame and money he could get. And I just thought we wanted to be together. I thought that's what we both wanted, because that's what he was still saying he wanted, too.

But then he also admitted to me that he had grown to resent me. And I have to be thankful that he said that bit out loud - a lot of these bits, he said out loud - because that was the last push that I needed to get myself out. He had grown resentful, which I also pointed out that there was no reason to feel that way, and he admitted that there was no reason for him to feel that way either. I think that it was because I'm someone who can communicate how I feel.

But I don't know. I have a lot of theories and reasons why I believe things happened the way that they did, and why he was lying all of the time. But he was resentful of me, was causing me physical harm every day, multiple times a day, despite me telling him over and over again to stop. He wasn't going to change and he wasn't going to end the relationship. He was going to keep hurting me, and it was possibly going to escalate even further. So I broke up with him. And I didn't even want to, because I couldn't even see for such a long time after what it really was that had

happened, that he had abused me. And in fact we left things as, we want to be friends, and he can never imagine not speaking to me again. And then he never spoke to me again, outside of, like, a couple of exchanges where I needed to ask for my clothes to be shipped, so at least I got my clothes back. I had a whole closet full. However, he did throw away all of my other things without saying a word to me about it. Hundreds of dollars of things from my office were trashed without a word. And I didn't block him till 10 months later because I wanted an open door still. I really thought I wanted to be his friend. But, uh, I don't feel that way anymore.

I do believe he was bottling up so many emotions, and he would never talk about how he felt. I think he even - I mean, he did admit that he felt like he couldn't say it any sooner, like there was just no possible way to say how he was feeling sooner than the absolute last possible chance. Not even a chance, because 3 days before he left - that was actually a lie too, also. He didn't leave for another week after I left. He brought me in, had this three-day conversation. He was supposed to leave, and then he stayed for another week before he left with all of the friends that I was also meant to see, but he had lied to me about the dates, too.

But I do believe that he was bottling up so many emotions that he was taking it out on me physically. I believe there was a moment where he knew that he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore, and instead of just ending it, he tried to push me away any way he knew would hurt me. And he knew all of the ways that would hurt me the most. And he knew he was hurting me. There was no way that he didn't know, because of the safeword that he made, and he just didn't care. He was hurting me, and he didn't care, and even looked like he was enjoying it sometimes.

And I can look back now and I can see all these instances that were really major red flags. There was this one time that he pinned me down and asked me to try my absolute hardest to get him off of me. And I couldn't do it, obviously, and he said something to make the point that he was so much stronger than me that I wouldn't be able to fight him back. Fight back against what? What do you mean? You don't say shit like that to people. That's insane. And I was also sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend, and he knew that.

He had stopped giving anything to the relationship, and he said that why was because he was just waiting for things to change on their own. He said he also didn't have the time or energy anyway to do the things that I was asking for, but then would constantly make any bit of time and energy for anybody and anything but me. And he would say he wanted more quality time, so then I would try to arrange things for us to do online because we were long distance, but then he would complain that he doesn't want to spend all of his time on the computer anymore. And then we'd be there in person and all he wants to do is stay inside, play games on his computer, watch movies. He doesn't want to go out.

And I'm not saying any of this next part to be mean. He lived in filth like I have never seen. And I've seen filth. This was the worst. He would spill things on the floor and never, literally never clean them up. He got an ant infestation once, and wasn't going to do anything about it because he said he said "Bugs are normal in British houses," so I had to buy ant killer. And he wouldn't clean his bathroom for months and months and months, but would constantly complain about how bad it smelled, and I would tell him, "That's mold. It's mold." He complained about being tired all the time, too, which I don't know if that was a lie or not, but mold will do that too. But he would insist that it wasn't, somehow, without having cleaned in months, but it's not mold.

When I met him, he was washing his clothes without detergent. Just he wasn't using that at all, and I don't know for how long before I met him. He was just running it with water and then hanging it on his filthy kitchen cabinets. And I felt bad. I felt bad because I felt like he needed someone to help him learn how to be cleaner. I thought he just didn't know how. And I listened to all of the struggles of his upbringing, and I was like, he just doesn't know how. Someone just needs to show him. And then I found out that he said he doesn't clean at all when I'm not there, because he just waits for me to get there to do it. And I only found out about that after we broke up, because he said it behind my back.

I was doing all of the cleaning and laundry for him. Also, I had a separate bathroom. I want to make that clear I wasn't using that bathroom. I had a separate bathroom that I cleaned for myself. I had cleaning supplies. I don't think he even actually knew I had cleaning supplies in there. But I had my own bathroom.

All the cleaning, all the laundry, all of it. I was paying for all of the, like, paper towels, soap. All of that only stayed in the house so long as I was buying it. I would arrive and there would just not be toilet paper in the whole house. There were paper towels instead. And who knows for how long, too. I was paying for food more than half the time, because he would often push me into ordering food for us, even if I had paid for the last meal or the meal before that. And I'm of the opinion now that I shouldn't have been paying for any food. None at all, But I wanted to, at least, I thought I was being equal by at least doing, like, a back and forth. But I ended up paying for food more often than just going back and forth anyway. And he would do this to his friends all the time, too.

But I was also paying for every plane ticket and the catsitter, which cost roughly the amount of a plane ticket to England. And he never offered to help me pay after the couple of times he did come here to visit me, because he paid for the flights that we would both take. But that only happened twice at the very beginning. I have actually had a friend tell me that this is financial abuse, but I don't know enough about that to say for myself. But I was telling him that I couldn't afford it all by myself all the time, because I was losing money. I was never able to work properly there, and he wasn't traveling at all to see me anymore, even though he said he would. That was, like, the basis of our entire relationship starting off. So then he agreed to pay for the catsitter so that it would be basically paying half the cost of my travels. And he did that once. (pause) And then never did it again despite many more months of dating. And I was traveling often. I had to, because he was worried that we weren't spending enough quality time together. And then all of the time that he would have ever extra, he would choose - choose - to not spend it on me, because there was an available choice and he chose not to spend it with me often.

And I did everything short of just up and move there, which I was willing to do the whole time, and I told him that I was willing to do it and he knew, but he insisted that I don't. He insisted not to. He was planning to move here. That was supposed to happen first. And then at the end of the relationship, he said maybe things would have been different if I lived there. If I lived there, like I had said I would the whole time, and he insisted I don't. Maybe that could have saved the relationship.

And I say all of this because I believe that people like this are genuinely dangerous. I believe he is dangerous. He was willing to lie. He was willing to do harm to someone he claimed to love more than anyone he has ever loved. His actions escalated, and I don't think that I'll be the last person that he hurts. And I felt like sharing my story was really important to warn people. I want people to see the signs that I refused to. I want you to listen to your body and get out as soon as possible. Tell your friends the truth and let them help you.

I really thought I couldn't - because I had been sexually assaulted in a previous relationship. I just thought I was so much smarter. And I was like, if someone ever laid their hands on me, I'd leave immediately. It would never happen a second time. But you just, it just kind of happened so slowly over time, and got worse and worse and worse until the point where there's no way to deny the fact that he was hurting me and he knew and didn't care. That's just the kind of thing that I keep repeating to myself when I'm like, "But was it bad enough? It wasn't violent enough." But I was being hurt multiple times every single day, days and days and days and days for a month at a time in a row.

And I'm not even speaking on most - because I did touch on other things, but I am not even speaking on most of the other things that, in my opinion, I do think that there are some things that are across a line that make you a bad person. I don't think that most people can be defined in a black-and-white "you're good or you're bad," but I do believe that there's a line that you can cross, and only bad people will do the things on the other side of that line, you know what I mean?

And the number of - (voice breaks, covers her mouth) I only cry now when I'm talking about my friends! Who also dealt with such shitty things from shitty people! But I'm also so, so grateful for all of my friends who were with me through this whole thing, and my friends who also were experiencing similar sorts of situations, at the same time, and we kind of went through it together. So I think they are the strongest people in the whole world, and they made me feel like the strongest people in the whole world today. Did I call myself people? I meant person. I feel like the strongest people - (laughs) I did it again. I feel like the strongest person. They made me feel so brave. I felt impenetrable today.

But I am going to go now because my friends are coming over and we're immediately going to go become distracted by watching Love is Blind. I already watched all of it already, and I don't care. So thank you for listening. Thank you everyone who gifted subs. I am going to be taking the rest of the week off from streaming. I have a video going out on Saturday, and I'll be back next week, and you won't hear about any of this again for a while, probably, but thank you all.

I don't really even know what to do now. I think I'm just going to end. Go spread love all over the place on Twitch right now, and I'll see you.

#shubble #shubble vods #wilbur situation #abuse tw #abuse cw #Youtube

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