#a vent i guess

[ionlypostmymeemocs]

I sometimes I feel like I am annoying my friends here for talking too much to them.

#a vent i guess #vent

[disdaidal]

I can't remember the last time I've cried this hard, but I guess it was time.

So my new school is pretty much now pressuring me to find a place to train at, which is not stressful at all, because the workplace I went for an interview last week hasn't returned my calls or my email, despite the principal initially seemed genuinely interested in my application.

Thing is, I wouldn't be this stressed out at all but my new teacher made it pretty clear today that next week is gotta be the deadline for that contract - otherwise my studies really aren't going anywhere.

I also missed my doctor's appointment yesterday because I missed the train. I had to wait for that appointment for 3 fucking months, and because it's related to my financial situation (I'm really trying not to get more student debt, especially with the way how I've been and how I barely managed to keep my shit together during pandemic). Luckily I was able to talk on the phone with her and the social worker, but my new appointment was rescheduled at the end of the month. I also talked to my nurse on the phone a little after that; a nurse who I haven't seen in the last six months because all our appointments have been cancelled at the last minute. So I got a new one in September.

My sleeping schedule has been pretty much fucked up all July-August, and for the last two days that I've been going to the city and attending these classes, I've slept like 6 hours in total these two days. Both days I've come home feeling extremely drained (besides those 6 hrs in total, I napped all evening yesterday). And last night I slept something like 2 hours before school and when I finally got back by train a couple of hours ago, I tried to sleep on the train but I felt so nauseated that I thought I was gonna hurl. Needless to say, my car ride back home was all but fun.

When I finally got home and laid down in my bed for a while, I started crying. Like I know it's probably because I've literally slept like 2hrs last night and it wasn't even a deep sleep, so, think I've just had it. My body and brain couldn't take it anymore.

But when I was on the train, I was going to call the school's office (the one I went to that interview for), but naturally their calling hours had already ended at 2pm. I also thought about sending another email but like I said, I felt extremely tired and anxious; making more phone calls and sending more emails when I'm feeling this way really isn't the way I want to go again. Especially since I already tried both on Monday when they were supposed to inform me last Friday, and I haven't got any response since. Which is not very nice to be honest (my new teacher did comment it's kind of unprofessional of them, and I gotta agree a little bit there).

But seriously, the only thing that's even made my last two school days tolerable, were the other students in my class. I kind of took up smoking again (bad habit I know) because of all this stress and shit that's been going on with me lately, so at least it was an easy way to get to know some of our other students, and got to spend some time with them, so at least I didn't have deal with my worries all alone. Our Moroccoan student (whom I've talked a lot with; I got along with him already on our entrance examination on May) tried to encourage me today when we were smoking, and even said I could try and apply to the same place he works at - which is working with immigrants mostly. Since I did choose international studies as one of my optional subjects, that could also work, because sooner or late I'm gonna have to work/train at a place like that anyway.

But obviously my first and foremost goal right now is try to find a place near where I live because obviously traveling isn't cheap, and I might indeed have a couple of places around here in mind that I could ask for training opportunities.

In any case, if I don't get an answer by tomorrow (we'll have another long school day so I probably won't have any time to be making extra phone calls anywhere), I think I'm just gonna ditch this thing and start calling other places on Monday.

If this is how it's gonna be and I'm on a strict deadline here, I don't suppose there's any other choice. I'm not willing to give up just yet - though I admittedly thought of that for a moment, too. Since I've become somewhat depressed lately again, clearly, and that must have something to do with my bpd. Which is fucking *nice* because right now I'm supposed to be active and efficient so I can actually get shit done and get my studies properly started - and yet right now, I'm feeling all but that.

So I guess I'll go to another class tomorrow - we have a special day anyway as we're visiting a local museum at the end of the day, so. Maybe I can try to forgive myself for being the way I am and give this whole thing a rest until weekend. And if the teacher asks about it tomorrow as she might, I'm just gonna say I'm going try again on Monday.

Cause I really don't see any other choice right now. But again, I'm really not lying about this. I'm not feeling my best right now, and this kind of pressure and stress is not doing me any favors.

#personal #a vent i guess #i'm kind of losing it right now and barely keeping it together #i guess #i don't know yet

[dewipersikkk]

I want to say something about this, and first of all, I'm sorry if I say something that might hurt your feelings. This is all of my opinions. Thank you for your understanding.

FIRST, thank you to those RM shippers who still keep making RM alive with your arts, writings, etc. It's been a tough journey after the manga ended, and of course, we're feeling upset and disappointed with it (Sometimes, I still feel salty about it, lol)

Second, it's kinda sad that some RM shippers that used to be so active then suddenly gone. And some of them have their own on-and-off season. And they'll be back with some wonderful content. PLEASE appreciate those who are still trying their best to keep up with RM.

And the last, sad to admit this, but it's sad tho every time I open my Tumblr and expect some reblogs and notes about my fanfics. I shouldn't expect a lot, but sometimes it's hurt. You'll may don't get what I'm feeling right now but whatever. Then I'll check the tags to find out if anyone who has posted fanfics must have a low number of notes (and sometimes it's only one digit, so...). I don't know why but writers in this community are occasionally underrated,especially those small-small writers. I know a lot of small writers in here and eventho they are small but their writings are 'chef-kiss'.

I used to create some fanfics recommendations back then, and I insert some underrated writers that deserve more recognition, especially those on Wattpad. Wattpad has a lot of RM fanfics in many different languages. If you're looking for more RM things in Wattpad, try to read RM fanfics in Spanish. RM Spanish community is really active and they have a lot of VERYYY GOOD fanfics there.

So, don't get me wrong here, and those are the things that I have wanted to vent about for a long time, and I haven't had the courage to do so. Thank you for reading and thank you for still keeping up with RM.

#rivamika #a vent i guess

[alter-ego-cole]

If my dad yells at me because of my grade in history (a C) I will cry

#the feels #a vent i guess

[corredorvazio]

23 de julho

detesto sentir esse frio na barriga, acontece sempre quando me arrependo de alguma coisa. sem coragem pra saber o que me ameaça nesse instante, mas me sinto fragilizada.

minha mania perigosa, (que só existe por terem plantado milhares de inseguranças em mim) é achar que tudo vai passar batido. que nada importa, e tudo o que faço e falo é estúpido.

e parece mesmo.

como parar de ser relutante? tenho muitas vontades, mas nada se encaixa comigo.

queria tocar piano, mas não tenho "cara" de pianista. queria me vestir de outra forma, mas não tenho confiança. queria estudar história ou arte, mas também não parece algo pra mim.

isso é medo de julgamento? desde pequena lido com tais inseguranças, sempre escondi debaixo do tapete as coisas que gostava. comecei a achar desenhos animados idiotas aos onze, porque queria ser aceita pelas minhas amizades.

com certeza, minha infância foi questionável, porque rolava alguma coisa comigo. nunca soube "ser criança". era tímida e chorona, e muito sozinha. sendo sincera.

acho que tudo isso rebateu com traumas e essas inseguranças para a aurora adolescente. eu não consigo fazer nada sem passar por uma autossabotagem desgraçada. estou me impedindo de ser eu mesma?

me sinto inferior na maioria do tempo, na minha cabeça, até mesmo uma pedra consegue ser melhor do que eu.

eu não sei o que fazer para mudar, não sei mesmo.

as cicatrizes da infância são cicatrizes permanentes?

(eu anseio que não.)

#vazio existencial #sentimentosescritos #my writing #desabafo #depressing shit #trauma dump #insegurança #escapatoria #poema #a vent i guess

[mystery-of-arkham-asylum]

Sometimes having time to think can reveal a lot about yourself.

Like how growing up I've always wanted to have kids but the idea of being pregnant made me uncomfortable. Always thought that feeling would go away.

I now know that I have never actually wanted kids. I just had it in my head that because I was a girl I HAD to have them. That it was a part of life. But I don't want it to be a part of MY life. The idea of being pregnant still makes me uncomfortable and now also makes me feel sick to think about.

Why do kids have to be something everybody has to have at some point? I like kids. I just like being able to hand them back to their parents at the end of the day.

#mysteryofarkhamasylum #A vent I guess #Vent

[st-dionysus]

We've had strap ons since at least 400 BC, and people still have the nerve to go on gay hook up apps and ask "how can an FTM be a top?"

#Not that you even need a strap to top #But that's a another whole conversation it self #Vent #I guess?

[a-method-in-it]

You know that Chris Fleming line that goes "Call yourself a community organizer even though you're not on speaking terms with your roommates"?

I honestly think every leftist who talks about the "revolution" like Christians talk about the rapture needs to spend a year trying to organize their workplace. Anyone who sincerely talks about building a movement so vast and all-encompassing that it overwhelms all existing power structures needs the dose of humility that comes with realizing they can't even build a movement to get people paid better at a badly run AMC Theaters where everyone already hates the manager.

#method speaks #union stuff #politics #i guess #best case scenario in this plan we get some successful union drives #worst case people realize that movement building is hard #and also explicitly mentioning socialism is counterproductive #mostly i'm just venting #it's only april how is election discourse this unhinged already?

[tommy2020]

I’m a boy and I kiss other boys.

I’m a boy and I was not born a boy.

I’m a boy and I use unconventional pronouns.

I’m a boy and I want to live as a boy.

I’m a boy and I want to be free to say that out loud.

I’m a boy and I want to live without fear of being hurt.

Just like the other boys.

My friend is a girl and she likes boys.

My friend is a girl and she was not born a girl.

My friend is a girl and uses she/her.

My friend is a girl and she wants to be called a girl, not a slur.

My friend is a girl and she should be allowed to live as a girl.

My friend is a girl and she shouldn’t be assaulted because she is a girl.

Just like the other girls.

My sibling is nonbinary and they like every gender.

My sibling is nonbinary and they were not born that way.

My sibling is nonbinary and uses whatever pronouns they feel like.

My sibling is nonbinary and wants to be perceived as a person too.

My sibling is nonbinary and should be allowed to choose what they call themselves.

My sibling is nonbinary and shouldn’t be shoved under the rug because their gender identity “doesn’t make sense”.

Just like other people.

WE ARE PEOPLE.

TRANS RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS.

#trans rights #poem #i guess #writers on tumblr #poets on tumblr #transgender #transmasc #trans #nonbinary #gnc #gnc positivity #vent #gay #lgbtq+ #queer #genderfluid #queer rights #lgbtq rights #gay rights #queer issues #queer community

[tapeworrmart]

Crush my ribs

#More OC/general stuff #I know this will probs be seen as a trans vent (and I guess it is that too) but this is about that feeling of wanting to be squeezed #Being narrow bodied and small set and feeling easily broken. And maybe wanting to be #art #sketch #character art #OC #OC art #original character #original art #Vent art #Trans #Queer #Gay #Mlm #Gay art #Angel

[ionlypostmymeemocs]

I am just... Going to be very honest with you all...

I always been a big fan of artists and I always I wanted to become one. And I even wanted to be a artist even more when I got interested to the TF2 community. So I started to draw my own TF2 characters. I got to ambit my art wasn't that good only because I got started. I soon joined a app called Amino. It's a app of so many different fandoms/communities even including TF2. I soon started to post my art in the app and I soon started to developing my drawing skills...

But... There are mean people around every place... I did get insulted at times by people. I do try to ignore them. But it does hurt... Sometimes I want to quit drawing... But I didn't and I kept getting batter at drawing. One day, I wanted to try something different. I once saw a drawing of Medic in a beautiful dress on Google (Sadly, I can't find it anymore) and I was yeah! I wanted to draw that! So that's when I created my Drag Queen Medic oc. I posted it.... It got... Attention... Mostly positive... But... Also negative... There were people insulting it... A few making insults to me. The comment section was mostly filled with mean things... I just wanted to make something that I like that's all... But that's what happens when you become a artist... There will be bad people there... But that was the day... That I became scared of posting my TF2 art on Amino... But I still kept drawing and posting on it because screw mean people... But... I kept getting insulted...

But I soon found out about Tumblr!!! I became a fan of it and I wanted to post my art on it! So I did... I am going to be honest I was pretty nervous of what will people say about my art... Days passed and I posted my Drag Queen Medic oc on tumblr. And I was prepared for the insults... But there wasn't one mean comment about it. There people liking a lot! And that helped me to feel more confident.

I posted more of my art and I was getting more and more confident with it. Even to the point where... I was inspiring other people with my art.

And I am telling ya that I was so surprised that I have been inspiring others. Because I don't think my art are that great. I mean I do think they are good but mostly plain. But hearing from people that they were inspired by me... Made me feel more accepted. Tumblr made me feel more... Idk loved... I guess. Feel more accepted than Amino ever did to me....

I still do kind of post art on Amino...

I just want to say thank you... All of you... You guys helped me a lot. And I love you guys.

(Here are the people who helped me feel more accepted in Tumblr)

@pyro-thon @6-junius-stars-9 @jh-renner @saltycaesar @alpacacare @randomthingsthatidointhedaytime @cage-cat-yt @damientheartist

#personal vent #a vent I guess #a good vent #good vent #thank you #thank you tumblr

[kineticallyanywhere]

about anger

#processing some Feelings I guess #i dunno #vent art #? #something something not knowing youre a hot stove until someones hand is red #art #kineticallyart #gonna head to bed early

[davespritekat]

my father think Im angry with him mmm

#i hate him #so much #a vent i guess #idk what happen here but the ortography was so bad i ihad to intervene

[alter-ego-cole]

Ptsd sucks amirite

#a vent i guess #vent #vent post

[gothwineaunts]

Oofh. The hate in the comments. It's starting to get to me. I've been trying to ignore it for a long time now, but like they literally want one of the romantic leads to disappear. So many people. They just hate her. Like not even "love to hate her." Just despise her enough to call her slurs and pray for her death. In a wlw.

I must have really fucked this up, I think.

#red post #small vent i guess #I'm getting a complex over it lol #the concept of needing to write them in a scene together again #actively freaks me out #I've never seen it worse than in 98 #and most of what she did in that episode was #checks notes #narrowly survive a murder attempt #:')

[schlattburity]

someday I’ll write a video essay or make a piece of art talking about how it felt to grow up as a Witch As a religious Minority, how isolating it felt at times and how the only non-Christian stuff I could get on youtube about Spirituality was the Atheists community so now I have a complex about being religious in the first place. That I feel dumb and stupid because these things mean so much to me, because they hold so much power and respect in my heart. How I sometimes feel like I can’t call myself religious because I am and was raised anything BUT Christian. That being religious belongs to the Christians and Catholics, not to a dumb little witch like me.  That I feel haunted by my ancestors who died for this, who’s cultures where erased and had to be hidden in Christianized Stories and our Holidays Stolen and erased with meaning.  That to be a “normal” kid I still celebrated these bastardzations . And even now I still adore them.  How, because of me being white that even talking about this, feels wrong and feels like I’m stepping on people’s toes and how... lonely it feels that I’m not allowed to feel this. I know its dumb or silly but I just... it means a lot to me and I want to be connected to that part of myself without feeling shame. 

#thera posts #a vent i guess #sorry folks!