#actually idk if i like this

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[wolfythewitch]

Jon sketch

#I should save it as an actual photo but idk I like this crop LMAO #art #sketch #tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #no better way to stave off an impending breakdown than drawing a blorbo I suppose #that’s the most his facial hair can grow it just stops at that #his genes won’t allow for more

[evidently-endless]

i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.

#[big sign that says this post is not exclusively about ts] #mountain goats fan take i know but #(quietly) the confessional style is almost losing impact because every goddamn thing has to be excavated from the depths of the soul now #and somehow. confessional writing seems to be going with the most disaffected bland sound possible. odd. #i love deeply personal songs! i love when songs sound like they mean something to the artist! #something something wider issue of mining trauma and being performatively vulnerable for quote unquote content #idk i don’t have the actual knowledge to write about this well there’s just something not landing for me recently #mine

[084392]

had never heard of "mlp infection aus" until this month and ngl i still dont know what they are but. it made me want to draw some of them getting taken over by their cutie marks or something......

#if any of this needs to be tagged pleaseee tell me idk how to tag this kind of stuff for blacklist... #mlp #my little pony #twilight sparkle #apple jack #rarity #fluttershy #my art #mlp infection au #<-again. no idea what thats actually about but this seemed like a fun design thing...thats literally all this was to me. #also i havent watched the show in years. #body horror

[zfedraws]

Oh Tara, we’re really in it now….

#art #my art #fanart #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #bg3 #balders gate 3 #idk if I like this tbh I haven’t actually colored anything in too long #have to post cringe to improve I guess #I haven’t met tara in my game yet btw #I used little reference bc I didn’t want spoilers #my apolocheese #Gale has sadboy swag #kissing him kissing him kissing him #baldur's gate 3

[firethekitty]

last semester i wasn’t doing well in a very important class i needed to pass in order to graduate so i was working my ass off writing essays and shit and every time i started slacking i would bring up this image and i’d say “ah fuck you’re right vash i really need to keep working” and then i’d write for another two hours and i actually managed to pass and graduate and i honestly don’t know if i would’ve been able to without this picture. thank you vash

#i wanted to share this story i think it’s really funny #like ‘yeah i owe about 70% of my college graduation to an image of vash telling me to stop fucking around’ #talking #trigun #this is actually 100% true btw /srs #after 14k notes i feel the need to clarify that i did not intentionally bring this image up when i started fucking around #but he always seemed to find me. like when i looked at pics he was there. watching me. saying this. idk if that makes this funnier

[tibli]

I love when arthropods have a pseudopupil. It's so whimsical and cute, and they come in so many varieties!!

little kitty cat eyes!!!

bombastic side eyes!!!!

cartoon character eyes!!!!

bigass anime eyes!!!!!

BE NOT AFRAID eyes!!!!!

#biology #arthropods #crustaceans #insects #crab #praying mantis #grasshopper #damselfly #butterfly #sorry i just googles -athropod name- eyes #so im not sure exactly what species these bugs are (yes crabs is bugs) #honestly im not sure if thats actually a praying mantis #it could just be like. a regular mantis #who cares anyway pseudopupils are so fucking cool!!!!!!! #i ESPECIALLY love damselflies they are so fucking cute and have no right to be that way #also grasshoppers have such funny faces #they all remind me of like. distinguished and rotund victorian gentleman. no idk why that is

[paxopalotls]

The fanfictions are infecting me with brainrot oh my god have some au doodles before I explode

#the fanon here hits different idk #like?? why is there so much vivisection #danny phantom #danny phantom fanart #danny fenton #danny fenton fanart #dp #dp fanart #this is like a #fully dead au #where no one knows #kind of thing #jazz fenton #bc I'm obsessed with their sibling dynamic #why are they on the roof pax #bc after Danny died jazz started stargazing as a way of feeling closer to him #fuck you #I have thoughts about this au actually #in it Jack and maddy are still trying to get rid of the ghosts but mostly as penance #bc they know the ghost portal is what killed Danny #and they want revenge #Danny's aware of this but convinced his parents wouldn't love him enough to believe him if he revealed himself as their son #jazz helps phantom without knowing he's Danny #pax art #pax doodles #pax rambling #technically #tho all the rambling is in the tags

[whosherefor-thechaos]

incredible translation of sheeesh thank you google

#german stuff #like listen idk how i would translate sheesh but my first thought would not have been meine güte #or even my second or third thought #actually sheesh is probably best left untranslated #also don't ask me why youtube is offering to translate to german in the first place even tho i've set the app to english #rhys's pieces

[stoopidstapler]

SO IVE BEEN GOIN INSANE SINCE THIS TRAILER DROPPED. JUST. SIMON. SIMON. SIMON.

#simon petrikov #fionna and cake #adventure time #goin insane over him #thers no words to describe how im feelin #i wish i could draw somehtin better but i am goin INSANE #FINALLY. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. we are being FED. #ALSO?? HOW THEY SHOWED HIM EXACTLY WHEN THE LYRICS GO ''WHATS WRONG WITH ME'. LIKE HELLO??????? #ive seen so many good theories PLEASE GOD WRITE FICS I AM BEGGIN I LL DRAW U FANART BLS HEL P #IDK WOT IM GONNA DO FOR A WHOLE MONTH #SOMEONE KNOCK ME OUT TIL THE 31ST. HIBERNATE ME. HELP. #also i need to put it out there the first thing i thought when i saw this trailer was simon is tryina rewrite fionna and cake #which is why their world keeps changin so much? idk idk #ive seen so many different ideas and they are all so good please help #ALSO GOD. THIS MAN IS JUST GOIN THRU IT. AND ITS ONLY BEEN A QUICK TRAILER. #im sorry for so many tags idk where to put these help #maybe i should make an actual blog for like. whatever. n reblogs. help.

[halogalopaghost]

TIL that you can assign an AO3 next of kin to control your account in case of your death???

#ao3 #this is actually really neat #I had a will at one point that included passwords and usernames specifically for my sister so she could manage certain social media #including my fanfic accounts #if anything happened to me #I need to update it it's been like...idk a decade #who makes a will when they're sixteen you might ask #ppl who want to be dead I will answer very seriously while shaking my bottle of SSRI like a baby rattle

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[emeraldsummers]

Sometimes I remember that the only reason Cas is canonically a weirdo even by angel standards is just because Misha, the first onscreen angel, made the acting choice to portray angels as inhuman and eerie, and then all of the subsequent angel actors just ignored that and portrayed the angels as regular people.

#misha: stares unblinkingly at jensen and puts on a funny voice. everyone else: yeah nahhhh #so much of the acting choices on that show were “idk i felt like it” like was there even a director????? #spn #supernatural #castiel #misha collins #this isnt an actual critique or anything its just funny #also weirdo is being used affectionately i love cas to death

[beybuniki]

best friend with social anxiety

#idk what prompted my brain to come up with this but bakugo finds deku cowering in the communal room and he just knows whats up #and he stays there and cracks some jokes until deku feels a bit better #because he actually does that in the manga i love how bakugo tries to help his peers u can literally see his brain fuming #and he always comes up with sth! #and he knows deku so well like he knew damn well deku said sth cringe and it has been haunting him the entire afternoon #anway #bnha #deku #midoriya izuku #bakugo katsuki #all might slippers yyeeeeeeeeeeeeesssss

[dubioushonour]

"Can it run DOOM?" - boring, of course it can run DOOM, I've seen everything run DOOM from a knitted blanket to a pregnancy test to DNA

"Can it be used to recreate Bad Apple?" - exciting, imaginative, ALWAYS blows me away with the execution, an eternal banger, I am never expecting it and I am always pleasantly surprised to see Bad Apple in a new medium

#doom #touhou #yeah idk what to tag this #or if it makes any sense #or if its anything at all #5am posts are like that #going back to bed goodnight #i don't actually think running doom is boring but i couldn't #figure out how to format yhis thought

[faunandfloraas]

Honestly I think a lot of people who have never made a gif for tumblr don't get that it does actually take time and effort, its not just rip it from a video and post it- you have to download the video, in my case I have a video player installed that grabs continuous caps, figure out what parts you need, you have to open those in photoshop or gimp, depending on where you got photoshop you might be paying for it every month and then on top of that is actually sizing, cropping, colouring, sharpening, adding text, etc. etc. like it is something that takes time and effort for which the only real reward is creating something that makes you happy and hopefully people reblog it with a nice or funny tag, so maybe keep that in mind the next time you think gif makers are being mean or unfair for being upset about reposts. It is its own little artform that is fairly unique to this website, and that's a big aspect of why I have always loved tumblr, if all the gifmakers stopped posting things would be a lot more boring around here.

#like its well known reposting art or fic is rude so idk why gifs are free game #and why people are always so ~its just a gif~ okay well if its *just* a gif then you go and make one to that quality #oh wait you cant bc it actually does take time and practice #ive been at this for years and i still dont know all the tips and tricks #also the reason i mention all the software needed is bc like. you have to find install learn and it takes up space on the drive #so just reblog stuff and appreciate people that make fun content