#almost 9k in tho with a lot more to go!

[softandsourcream]

Stop, you’re losing me~ - one

————————•。・. ゜・。_________________

Summary: The last time you saw Yoongi wasn't one of your fondest memories. And actually, you thought that after ten years you no longer had any more tears to shed for that memory, for that situation, for him.

What was the problem with meeting him again at his brother's wedding, right?

Right?

pairing: idol! yoongi x vet!f reader.

Words: 9k

genre(s): angst, hurt- comfort, slow burn, fluff, smut (+18) (not this one tho)

au(s): childhood friends - to lovers, idol yoongi, normal vet reader, entertainment industry, denial and resentment.

warnings: curse words, family drama, grief, loss of loved ones, panic/anxiety attacks, damaged mental health, a LOT of struggling. Yoongi is here to help tho♡.

author’s note: just wanna let you all now that I’m so exited that this is out now! Hope you enjoy it and if you have any suggestion just let me know! I don’t bite 🐇. Also, English it’s not my fist language, so please be patient with this dumbass

~

IMPORTANT: this fic contains a lot of sensitive topics touched upon explicitly. Please, if any of the tags trigger something in you, stop reading. You’re more important, and there is much more content you can consume here. Take care please! ♡

enjoy!

—————————•。・゜ one゜・__________________

main masterlist

—————————•。・゜　　　　゜・。_______________

“Where are you?”

“Outside.” In fact, he had gotten out of the car a second ago, and he wasn't going to answer, but he didn't know where they were either; the place was exaggeratedly large.

“Get in here then, you're late.”

“I’m at the entrance... where are you?” His voice breathless, he ran a lot in less than 20 minutes.

“Your brother is about to faint, so you’re going to see us easily. The first row.”

Yoongi hung up the phone, and sure enough, it wasn't difficult for him to find his family right at the end of the place. His brother looked around restlessly, probably looking for him or his fiancée, because he knew he was late, but he didn't seem to have started yet either.

His father, on the other hand, observed his brother's concern with the empty gaze he had always had from his seat, blinking slowly without saying much. He smiled a little at the scene (also a little relieved to finally be there) and started walking quickly, straight there, without looking at anyone else.

He greeted some of his aunts from afar, bowed to others he didn't know but greeted him, and ended up meeting his brother's eyes, almost finishing his journey. The concern on his face changed to one of anger, and he approached him as if suddenly he wasn't about to get married and be responsible for a family. His posture was the same as when they played as children, and his mother had to separate them for a toy.

It gave him chills.

“Hel-“

“Where the fuck were you.”

Yoongi frowned exaggeratedly at the bad word, looking at his father, who was watching everything in the same exact spot with the exact same cold and calm eyes.

“You’re not going to say anything to him?”

He didn’t respond, and Yoongi chuckled when his brother insulted him again.

“Calm down, if mom hears you, she-“

“You’re half an hour late, Min.” Finally, his father, mad. He can tell just by his voice. Yoongi shrank from the scolding and grimaced, looking at his brother.

“I’m sorry.” One. Sooner than he expected “They didn’t let me go sooner.” Greum-Jae didn't even seem interested in hearing an excuse; Yoongi had never seen him so angry before. But he still dared to continue speaking. “I get you’re mad, and I’m sorry, but don’t be mad with me right now. This is your day, we can fight later, and I’m here. I’m really sorry, for real, it wasn't my intention to ruin this for you.”

“Now it’s my job to be calm?” Jae fled from his touch. “To ignore your mistakes? You literally have one job.”

“I know I- I don’t have any other excuse, okay? I’m really sorry.”

Two.

It was subtle, but after a moment, his gaze softened, and so did his body, which was the most noticeable. Jae hugged him, and Yoongi smiled sadly, because he did feel bad, but, of course, it wasn’t the time to show it.

“You’re lucky she’s late too, and that I’m in a good mood right now.” He knows. “Missed you…”

“Me too.” His smell, his hugs, his voice. His home. He missed. “You are in a good mood, though? You look like you're about to throw up.”

He hit his shoulder, breaking the hug and getting closer to his father. Yoongi says hi to him without receiving a response, of course. He looked older and tired, which made him think about how long he had not set foot in that city. He squeezed his fist, unsettled. “I’m nervous; of course I look like that.”

Yoongi was going to ask why, genuinely interested, because he didn't understand why he should be nervous. He wasn't supposed to do anything more than 'yes, I do' and be with the person he loves most for the rest of his life. He also understood that, from the context, Yoongi would never understand it, and he didn't feel like doing it either. Also, he shouldn't be that direct, so he swallowed his question and leaned with both hands on the empty chair next to his father, placing all his weight on his arms.

He wanted to ignore the fact that he felt watched. There were a lot of people there. He hadn't taken a look to see how much he knew and how much he didn't, that was an activity he would leave for when they were dancing and there was less light. Right now he knew that everyone was looking at him, and he didn't like it because, although it was a family and private event, he couldn't completely ignore it. Photos of him would still come to light. It was, in fact, one of the discussions he had with the company days before.

“Your brother doesn't want to hear you, but I do. What is more important than your brother’s wedding now?”

Shit.

Jae was now talking to someone who came to tell him news about Eun, and he had walked away. He could only hear the echo of people talking, laughing, and happiness. Yoongi didn't want to have that conversation right now.

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“That wasn’t my question.”

“You’re being unfair right now.”

The man sighed.

“I’m just asking, Yoongi." And his voice sounds different too, so Yoongi didn’t like it. “If I’m not right, why don’t you tell me? You know I know when you're right, and I'm not. I'm not stubborn, you're locking yourself in."

Yoongi wrinkled his nose because he was right in a way, and he hated that it was like that. It was true; he didn't know why he felt so cornered all of a sudden. Stretching his arms and looking at the ground, he became a little dizzy. His whole body suddenly hurt; maybe all the fatigue of those months came upon him.

“Working.” He was honest even so, knowing what was coming. His father didn’t move in any sense. “I was working, but it wasn't'more important than this’. They wouldn't let me go, for real.”

“You didn’t take a day off?”

“I can’t. I’m on tour right now, and I asked permission, but you know that they’re not flexible with the times.

“Just like your mother's birthday. Or every Christmas.” He sounds sad now, almost disappointed. Mad, but really sad. “We invite you, but you never come. Your brother was shaking yesterday. He really wanted to see you.”

There was silence. A big one, where you could still hear the murmurs of the people, the echo of the grandeur of the place, the clicking of heels, and the shy laughter. He gave them both time to realize where they were, that they were in suits, and that, after all, he hadn't seen that man in a long, long time.

Yoongi's apology stuck in his throat—another genuine apology.

 

A third.

 

“I'm sorry, son.” His father says instead. Yoongi had heard it a few times in his 30s. “I understand. We understand, but... we always do. Me, your mother, and your brother today. He has all the right to be mad; we all are, but you’re doing your best, and we’re getting old too.” This time he looked at him, smiling a little. Yoongi does too, but his was a sad one. “Just don’t forget about your family. I just hope I make it to your wedding too.”

“Pff.” They laughed, and the son nodded, his nose still wrinkled just thinking about it. “I can only do the first one, sorry. That’s why Jae did it first. Maybe I don't invite you to a wedding, but you have been sitting more than once watching me in a stadium with more people than here.” He looked at his brother with his eyes. He continued talking to that woman, nodding, biting his lip, having an awful time, and if it wasn't bad, then something questionable. Yoongi could swear his palms were sweating. “I honestly don't feel like... being that worried.”

His father looked nothing in the front, with a smirk on his face. Yoongi realized how old he turned again.

“You just haven't found the right person to be like this for.”

That doesn’t sound like his father. At all.

He looked at him again and couldn't say anything when his brother was already in front of them, smiling and wiping the sweat from his hands.

He knew it.

���She’s about to arrive, take your seat.”

Yoongi left the back of the chair where there was supposed to be another person there who wasn't there, and frowning, he looked around the room without really doing it, realizing that he was missing someone to greet.

“Where’s mom?”

And as if he hadn't been listening to laughter, murmurs, and voices of people for ten minutes that filled his ears non-stop, right after that question, a specific laugh seemed to answer his doubt, reversing his pressure and causing a strong shiver to run down the back of his neck.

He turned quickly, perhaps even a little disbelievingly, and then, he saw you.

Not his mother, though. Or yes, her too, but his eyes fell on you first because it was always like that, because that was your laugh, and because it was impossible not to.

Far away. The possibility of having heard your laughter was quite unlikely, even impossible. Seven or eight rows back. Of course, you were wearing baby blue, delicate, and tight. The fabric didn’t shine like your gloves do, and you had your long hair loose, tied up from the top just a little. You laughed heartily, teeth on display, his mother being the cause of your smile and your bright eyes. Such honest and grateful happiness, because why not, you both looked exaggeratedly happy to be in front of each other again. Her mother held your hands tightly, moving them up and down in time with her words, and you just nodded and responded briefly.

His heart stopped. He could swear he had even forgotten to breathe.

Yoongi didn't enjoy eye contact.

He usually runs away from it. He feels stupid, and he gets embarrassed quickly. It's a tense situation for him, but he was wishing with all his might that you two had it at that moment. That his eyes were heavy enough for you to turn to look at him and take a good look at you because your eyes had always been big and expressive, and he needed to confirm that he wasn't hallucinating.

At least that's what they were like the last time he saw them, so many years ago that he couldn't count them, and from what he saw from there, many things had changed.

You look breathtaking. You've always looked this pretty, but right now… 

He didn't know if it was because he hadn't seen you in person for many years, up close, but unpleasant things were happening to him. His legs trembled when you finally looked back. Big eyes, make-up on, pretty color, and they opened, your moves frozen, and somehow, you two had an extremely uncomfortable visual conversation, as if you were face to face, and you didn't know what to say.

To his surprise, your gaze quickly changes to a more confident, almost cold look, and you bow with extreme lightness to say hello without intending to break contact. However, his mother did, hugging goodbye to you as soon as everyone started tidying up, music started playing, and Yoongi was forced to sit down, trembling, sweating, and unfocused, remembering how you looked.

He was there again, in real life, in Daegu, where he was born and grew up, where it was hot and dangerous to go out at night, where they used to live, and where he used to get lost when he could.

He had arrived that morning, but his brother, his parents, and you brought him back home.

“Shit.”

Not in a comfy, lullaby way. More like a cold water falling from the sky directly on the ground/ type of way.

He was there. You were there, feeling better than him, of course, but you don’t know. You had the whole month to mentally prepare for that reunion. Obviously you had a better handle on it, but you were also shaking, and you had to take a couple of breaths before you were ready for the wedding.

“Good?”

 

Seun was next to Greum when everything happened, in a way waiting as a spectator. Both in silence, from afar. Now he was waiting for you to respond, so he could start the recording in case you said something compromising. Both of you were in your assigned seats, with Jae at the altar.

“If it’s better than him, then yes, I’m great.” He laughed and checked at the entrance in case Eun was peeking out. He wanted to see her dress. You shake your shoulders, trying not to look in his direction again, releasing tension.

“Well, I don’t judge him. Jae didn’t tell him you were here.”

You scoff, “He didn’t? We're some show to you two or something?” putting your brother's arm away (with more force than necessary. It bothers you that he didn't take seriously how you felt. More now that you were especially sensitive) so you can record properly. The music began to overwhelm you a bit.

Now. Suddenly they were all in order, therefore quieter, so you two had to continue the conversation in whispers. Jae was waiting for his future wife; the doors of the place were open, but nothing was happening yet.

“He told me months ago that he wasn’t sure if he would arrive. The invitation was made, but he hasn't seen him for almost a year. When-“ he stops, unlocking his phone that had turned off for not pressing record yet, making you smile. Your older brother reminded you a lot of your father sometimes, and you rarely saw him so excited and well groomed at the same time. Your dress color and his suit matched too. His idea. “When Yoongi confirmed he was coming, Jae didn’t have the time to tell him. So yeah,” you looked at him when he did, blinking. “I know he’s feeling a lot of things right now.”

Well, that was weird.

That doesn’t sound like Yoongi, Yoongi loves his brother, his family, at least the one you know.

The type of relationship you had now (null) didn't allow you to say that out loud, and, strictly speaking, you didn't understand his reaction either. He looked genuinely surprised; it shouldn't affect him if he was the one who broke everything in the first place. You assumed it had just been the surprise, and it would take you a good stretch of the night to be able to let go of the fact that they were there, so close but so far, to let go of the possibilities of talking, hugging him, and telling him how much you had missed him, know about him, how he handled things. Just as before. Because it didn't help you to think like that, and because how pretty and beautiful your best friend looked right now, happy, in white, and excited, couldn't be placed on anything else.

You hoped you could breathe in peace for the rest of the night. Although at some point you thought you could do it without problems, because once you wiped away the tears that came out of you when you saw Eun enter and the ceremony took place, between your brother talking to you, you were laughing at him because he had also cried halfway through. On the way, the rest of your family arrived, and an inexplicable happiness that ran through you as you were surrounded by so many people that you knew and hadn't seen in years consumed you, your head stayed busy. A lot, and you still had it in mind, but you were not alone, and that made you feel good, safe, and a little calmer.

It was easy for you not to give him your night. At least the first part of it.

Apparently, after the ceremony, the party, and celebration would take place in the same place. You weren't really surprised, in fact, it moved you even more because the place was gigantic, very tall, and beautiful, almost like a theater, and there were many, many people, enough to fill the place. Not in a suffocating way, but enough to get lost. It was mostly of age, older people, maybe grandparents you hadn't managed to meet before, and then there were people directly younger, but you knew those, Seun was a people butterfly. Friends of theirs, you assumed. Actually, Seun stopped explaining who the boy was sitting next to one of her good friends when a man, tall and good-looking, started to talk on a microphone.

“Now, now, and congratulating the bride and groom once again, we would like to call the loved ones of both to say a few words before the fun part starts.

Everyone laughed, and Seun looked at you. You forgot about that part.

“Let’s start with the parents…”

“I can go for you instead.”

“It’s okay.” You smile. You knew that he was doing his best to be able to contain you, and give you the best company, despite the fact that it was not easy for him. “I’m not made of glass.” You joke, listening to Eun’s mother speak already.

And well, for him, you were. At least right now, but he didn’t say it, scoffing to hide his thoughts. “I’m trying to be good. Dad it’s watching now, I have to be an example.”

“For what.”

“Shut up, don’t be disrespectful.”

You try not to laugh. He was nervous now. You never understood why it was so difficult for him to admit that he cared for others. Not even with Jae he dared to do it, or at least that's what you thought. You didn't know how he would tell the truth in his speech.

You were the last one. You knew this because when you arrived, Jae told you. Eun wasn't supposed to know you were there. Of course, she had invited you, but she didn't know if you would finally attend because you hadn't been able to communicate with anyone these last few months. You met once, when she came to see you at your house, but you couldn't talk about much. You were on another planet, it was like your head was disconnected from your body most of the time, and she assumed you wouldn't go. 

You wanted to think that she hadn't seen you when she passed, but you doubted it. With the amount of people there, and with how focused she was on Jae, it was impossible.

Still, you were nervous. When you accepted, you didn't think you would be in front of so many people. Your heart was beating.

“Is that Yoongi?” Nara, your sister, asked your mother just behind you when he got position and greeted everyone.

“Yeah. Why he wouldn't?” Your mom responded a bit confused. You could hear her smile.

“I think you all were joking when you told me he was on BTS, for real. It doesn’t look at all like the Yoongi I knew.” You hear a laugh, a gentile one, and then your other brother making fun of her behind. Your dad scolds them.

Now, you take advantage of the moment to take a better look at him.

You wanted to blame it on the fact that your sister was only nine when she met Yoongi, and every time he appeared on TV or in videos she was told it was him, she just couldn't believe it. You just hoped those were her blurry memories of him, because you couldn't see him too differently from how you remembered it.

Maybe his hair was longer, he was paler, taller, his back had grown considerably, and he had that special glow that any celebrity would have. He looked like an entire adult now, too. He wore expensive clothes and good shoes, although he didn't seem to have put any effort into his hair, or his appearance in general, he looked incredibly unreal, so much that it makes you angry.

If you thought about it enough, and if you didn't know it was him, you would’ve struggled to recognize him too. You often saw him in magazines, posters, on buildings in Busan, on train pamphlets, on your cell phone and even in medicine, but seeing him in person was overwhelming. It was like seeing a stranger you already knew, but better yet, he was there, but at the same time he wasn't.

You take a deep breath when you realize that, despite all those things, his features were still just as soft and delicate, just like his mother's.

His knuckles still turned red without much effort, and he smiled the same way, making that slight pout with his lips before crying, trying to contain it, and he wiped the tears carelessly. You found your Yoongi in the one you were looking at right now, with little things, with gestures, with details that you used to admire more than necessary, they were still there.

and it made you feel nauseous.

You blinked a few times, snapping out of your trance as everyone applauded, and realized you hadn't heard a single word. He had even cried, and you didn't know why. You saw Jae stand up as he was called to take position on the small stage, and a much louder round of applause made you jump lightly. They came from behind, just that young section that assumed they were friends of both. There were a lot of people, and it didn't surprise you that Seun was already fooling around on his way to the small stage there.

“How are you feeling, blossom?"

Your father asked, taking advantage of the fact that you turned around to look at the crowd and that your brother was not there. They were both looking at you, and the rest of your brothers were talking among themselves.

“I'm okay.” It wasn't necessarily a lie. You felt just as bad as you do every day. Besides, you knew that they were referring to something more specific (Min Yoongi) than to your general emotional state, so you smiled slightly, closed, and placed your hand on your mother's, who was on your arm. “I’m good; don’t worry.”

As you predicted, Seun's speech was so unserious and absurd that it's not worth dwelling on. For some reason, everyone was laughing with him, he had livened up the atmosphere and unintentionally infected everyone with joy.

He soon returned to his seat and sat still with applause in the background. You couldn't believe it.

“I don’t get why he’s still your friend.”

“We’re in love, sister.” He asure. “This wedding is for three people. They will never get rid of me.”

“Shut up.”

“Now.” The good-looking man says “Briefly before eating and doing fun things, we have one more person who wants to wish you both the best, of course.”

You can see Eun’s confused look at her husband now, and he quickly grabs her hand. Your heart was ricing, you felt your mother's hand on your shoulder.

“Park ___, please."

Eun almost jumped from her seat, looking around, looking for you. You also saw someone else look for you in the crowd when you were getting up a little stiff because of your dress. You say sorry to an old woman right in front of you, who you accidentally hit softly because Seun didn’t move at the right moment.

“Oh my god.”

You didn't have time to get halfway down the hall to the front when a large white dress ran towards you to hug you. You smiled at the impact because you were a little taken aback by how strong it came and how big her dress was. You smiled when you already had her in your arms.

“You have been here all this time?”

“Of carouse.”

“Oh my god, thank you…” she softly says, hugging you even harder.

“I wouldn’t miss the happiest moment of your life.”

Because it had cost you, but you had arrived. Was she crying? Thank goodness people were still clapping because of the moving nature of the situation, and they couldn't hear you. You were trying so hard not to cry too.

If you did it, you wouldn't stop.

“I know you-“

“It’s okay.” You stopped her. “I’m okay.”

You squeezed her waist as a signal for you to start moving, and she moved away from you to caress your face lovingly and look at you like... most people have looked at you lately with pity and kissed your forehead.

Pity.

 

She took your hand, and the entire way, you could feel Yoongi's gaze on you. From the moment she hugged you until she kissed you and started leading you forward, like an exhibition, heavy, right next to you. He made you feel small, it was silly.

“Now stop crying; I haven't said anything yet.” You start, with the microphone in your hands, making everybody laugh, the couple too, Jae helping her with the tears. The place was in silence, the lights, the eyes, and the attention were just on you. So you take a deep breath and unfold the paper you’ve got prepared. “I- uh~” a sigh. “I don’t know how people do this without crying, I- okay.” You were nervous, but the place laughed again, so it gave you time to breathe.

“I still remember you both being taller than me, smarter than me, and older than me. I know that deep down all of you were so done of me, right behind there too,” all those people scream from behind, and you laugh. “because I used to talk a lot, and I carry my toys everywhere, so I can show it to all of you, and I made too many questions for people who are starting to be teenagers and want to look cool, but I wasn’t. I didn’t even care, I remember that. I was the pain in the ass that comes with Seun. Just a plus because Seun it’s a bother himself.” The aforementioned rolled his eyes, and you waited for there to be silence so you could continue. “I understand that now, and I just came here to apologize.” 

The atmosphere after the laughter was now a little solemn, and in contrast to your brother, you were capable of poisoning the things you touched, and those who knew you knew that. You could see the newlyweds were a little worried, but you kept smiling, giving them confidence that nothing bad was going to happen. At least that wasn't your intention.

“Sorry for being the impediment for you to go out late at night or for having to return early from wherever we were... I- was with you.” Uh. You try to keep the smile. Shit, “sorry for being so annoying, and sorry for the fact that I didn't care. Because as much as I didn't like being with you sometimes, the best part of my day was watching you eat at my table, or Mrs. Min organizing my birthdays, and everyone coming with gifts that I genuinely liked because you all heard what I was saying even if I was giving you a headache.”

Unintentionally, you met those eyes again from afar, just when you were trying to control that lump in your throat because the worst part was coming, and you didn't know if you were ready. You said the following while still looking at Yoongi, not at you, surprisingly. “I miss it. I really do, and I’m so grateful that I carry all that with me.”

You look at the paper, change the page, and breathe. So you try once “I-“ and twice. “I- um…” a shaking breath sounds everywhere, reading the words, but you just can’t. “Sorry~” you're softly trying to laugh as you cry start, and you feel so stupid for breaking in front of a lot of people. No because it was bad, everybody there cried before you, but not because of the same thing.

“I love you!” You didn’t know who it was, but you smiled and responded with a really quiet and shaking'me too', giving you time to breathe as everybody laughed, and the atmosphere eased.

“Okay.” You say more to yourself, but you have a mic on your mouth, of course. “I didn’t write this part alone. Kija he… he is my twin, so of course he was with me in all of this story, but when he got sick and we were writing this months ago, he told me that I didn’t mention him in all this because it was going to be about me, not him… he’s kinda dumb.” 

You laugh, trying not to tear up. You were holding the next tears, but like, fighting demons and everything to not cry. You, for real, didn’t want to cry in front of all those people. Your voice was obviously trapped in your chest, and it was shaking, but you couldn't do anything but breathe. You just have to be quick. 

“But he told me that he wanted to tell you both that he and I were very proud to have seen you grow together, hate each other together, and deny that you liked each other together and today, for me, seeing you two married means a lot. I adore you two with all my heart. Congratulations, and I know you’re going to do a great job. I'm sure Kija would have done a better job telling him in person, but I'm here for him, so you know. He would- have loved to come, I have no doubt. Be happy, please, and no babies yet; I’m not ready.”

You didn’t remember anything after that, which means two things:

One, you need to calm down because two, you weren’t fine.

You remember the hug, and a few words both of them told you, and all the looks people gave you just after that, full of sadness and compassion (which was the first thing that made you want to run away). And at the party, you dance because you enjoy it, and you feel a little better, but people stop you all the time to give you their condolences because “they didn’t know”.

The cake was cut, the presentation was done, and you could only come back to the moment when you had your first drink of whiskey, and your body told you that it wasn’t a good idea. Your heart was fast in your chest, that would only make it worse with alcohol.

You need to breathe.

 

“Sorry, what?!”

 

You scream behind the music. Some girl named Hwan stopped you. (It came right at the beginning, when Seun was next to you, and you were pretending to listen to how she had recently graduated. Poor girl, honestly, she looks kind and lovely.) with two glasses of tequila and some salt in her hand. 

“My friend!” She said. “I lost him, so take this!”

 And then:

“Hurry! I have to go for more before they run out!” You were too agitated for this. This is a bad idea ___. “c’mon c’mon honey!”

Your hands were tingling, your breathing was short, and you were afraid. You had tried to go to the bathroom, but it was full, and it was even more claustrophobic than all those people. Right next to it, there were some stairs that you assumed went up to the balconies that surrounded the place. You were very grateful that it was high, enough to encapsulate the music on the floor below, and you heard it as if you were listening from a glass.

Or was it you? 

You leaned on the railing and began to sweat. You closed your eyes, trying to calm down little by little, to look for things to think about, to feel something other than fear and anguish at the same time, but it was impossible, completely, and that made you even more desperate. You were breathing as if you had just run for two hours non-stop, and there came a point where your legs couldn't support your body. You couldn't feel your hands, cried a lot, trying to catch air, moaned in terror.

“please please please… stop just-“

You were trying not to faint, you were on the edge of a high place, and it was now dark for those below. It was when you felt like you really couldn't do anything. That you tried to stand back in case your body gave way forward, and it wasn't more dangerous when you felt hands on your stomach directly and the warmth of a body behind you.

A warm feeling that felt like burning on a straight fire

“Easy~ here,” you heard, far away from you, just like the music in a glass. The only thing that told you that he was literally glued to you was his touch. “Can you feel my hand?” You didn't respond, trying to run away. You didn’t want to be touched. “Hey, it’s okay, you’re safe. If you want to feel better, you have to answer me, okay?”

“Hmm” a moan full of pain, was not even an answer.

“Okay?” They asked again. This time you nodded and felt the hand move on your stomach, the fingers more than anything, like playing a piano. Soft, but rough at the same time. “Can you feel it?” Your two hands were placed on his in an attempt to find support; you couldn't feel your legs, and after giving him an affirmative answer with your head, you complained again, your head was about to explode. “Move my hand with your stomach as you breathe.” And you did. Erratic and desperate “That’s good, but try it slower. Focus on moving it, not on breathing.”

“I- I ca-“

"Yes, you can. You do it every day; come on.”

You know, you just didn’t want to be there.

You try your best to move his hand. It was hard because you were sobbing, and trying your best to not think too much. So you closed your eyes, exhausted, and concentrated on the warmth that the stranger was giving you and the hold that, while at first it felt overwhelming and suffocating, now it helped. You felt stronger, even though you were about to faint.

So you moved the hand, and it worked.

“Good~ breathe.”

The air filled your lungs little by little, your head began to quiet, and the music entered your ears at a decent volume considering how far you were from the ground. Your hands were cold, they were shaking, but you could move them, and you still couldn't feel your legs, but you could hear the trembling of your breathing and how your nervous system was trying to regulate itself, blocking your crying in your chest.

You were exhausted, god, you would sleep there if you could.

“Better?”

And then you realize.

 

You know that voice.

 

It was soft, deep, and in your ear. So close that if you turned to see him, both of you would collide. His hands were bigger than they used to be and softer to the touch, pale on your baby blue dress, no scrapes like you used to heal, he’s no longer biting his nails.

‘Shit’

“Don’t touch me.” You said. He tense.

“If I let you go, you will fall. You're not even holding yourself up.”

He was right. And you hate it.

“What are you doing here.”

Your voice sounded agitated, almost like a whisper. You still didn't dare open your eyes; your eyelids were heavy, and the fear of facing him so close made you delirious. Even though you had your back turned to him, you felt him snort.

“God. You’re welcome?” You clung tighter to his hand. It's just that you got dizzy, and he held you when he felt you give way to the left. “I should ask that. You almost passed out on the railing, idiot, that's… fucked up.”

He calls you an idiot? You were too weak to call him something worse.

So you only say "sorry." Instead, letting him go finally, and you tried to stand up by yourself, but you wobbled

“Okay, okay, please don’t. I’m gonna…” His hands took place on your hips to guide you to some chairs in the corner, which you didn't see at first, of course. You weren't sure if his touch hurt more now that you were more conscious or before, when you were overstimulated. Felt the same, honestly. “Be careful, they look old.” You walked as he commanded, and once you sat down, you heard him say something you couldn't decipher. You finally opened your eyes to ask, but there was no sign of anyone.

Sighing, you rested your head in your hands and closed your eyes again. You didn't know if you were still dizzy and weak or if you felt that way because you were already drunk. They both make sense to you.

You heard noise after a few seconds and looked up. Finally, Yoongi's silhouette appeared in the hallway, he had things in his hands, and he was looking at the glass of water, concentrating so that nothing would fall on the floor.

“I’m definitely too drunk for this.”

This can't be happening to you. Could not.

“I put ice on it, so you can chew. It will help.”

His voice sounded unfriendly to what he was saying. Not angry or indifferent, but rather nervous and tense, as if he were speaking by opening his mouth a little, trying to make you believe that it was no a big deal, as always, but his nervousness didn't allow him to fool you. You raised your eyes to look at his, and he turned them away once you brought them together. You tried to hide a smile as you received the glass. Of course, he couldn't look you in the eyes. He cleared his throat, finally watching you receive the water, trembling in your hold. He tries to hold it from below in case you drop it.

You took a sip.

“Your makeup is smudged.”

Of course. You must have been looking stupid.

“What is that?"

He was offering you something, like toilet paper, but softer on a package. You couldn't see very well, it was just white.

“I’m not really sure.” He confesses. “I take them from the bathroom. They’re damp.”

You touch it with two of your fingers, just to not be rude, honestly.

“Thanks, but I can’t really see myself here.” There was no mirror, and if there was, it was dark. The only lights there were those on the dance floor, which were colored and did not shine directly on the place you two were having this... moment. “I don’t really care though, I’m living soon anyway”

He didn't insist, putting the package in his pocket. You maintained a silence that would have been more awkward if the music downstairs wasn't on, and if you didn't have anything to chew at that moment. Neither of you dared to look at each other, or start a conversation because it wasn't even enough for something cordial. You didn't have the strength to get up and run away, but just when you were going to tell him that you were okay, and he could leave, he took something out of his pocket.

Now you are invested.

“You mind if I smoke?”

You looked at him from there, taking time to process the information. You shook your head slightly, maybe even confused, but there was no point in being.

“Can you even smoke here?”

The place was big but closed, you didn't know if it was allowed.

“I doubt it.”

“Since when do you smoke?” You dared to ask.

“I don’t.”

No, because he hates the smell. His mother has smoked since ever. Yoongi hates that the smell gets stuck in everything and everywhere. No matter how much his mother smoked outside the house, he always ended up with his school clothes smelling like cigarettes. It was inevitable. He always complained.

There you were watching him right now, right in profile, blowing smoke from his cigarette as if he did it every day, even though he said he doesn't. Arms resting on the railing, well-dressed, looking anywhere but at you.

You wanted to stop assuming that this Yoongi was the same one who had left years ago. Because you didn't know, you were both two completely new people, total strangers who knew nothing about each other, yet, you wanted to think that, if that were the case, he would have already left. He usually walks away from what he doesn't care about or doesn't like, that's what he did with you when he left, because that's how you felt. It was nice to believe that he was now there himself because he wanted to be, but it didn't help you to think about it, not now. Just because he was there didn't mean he was back in your life, and as silly as it sounded, your brain didn't understand that. It was your job to stop him from believing something like that.

You chew ice.

“I don’t want to ruin the party for you. Go ahead.” Your voice is still dumb. He was watching the people dancing from there, now he was looking at you, smoking the cigarette between his fingers without understanding what you meant. “I’m feeling better, you can go.”

“Okay.” He directed his body directly towards you. Unintentionally intimidating. “Do you want me to go?”

His presence made you anxious.

“Yes. But if I’m honest, I don’t really want to be alone right now.” He hums. “But I have seven siblings, and all of them are downstairs right now. I can call any of them.”

“They will scold you for not saying anything and me for not seeking help.”

“I know.” He looked at you, quietly. “I just don’t want to... keep you here. Have some fun.”

He shook his head, looking away.

“It’s okay. I was here first, drinking. Then you came. You scared me.”

You blink a few times. “You’ve spent all the night in here?”

“Most of it.” You followed his eyes down on the first floor, full of people. You could see everything from there. If you focused on one person, you could easily track them. “Enough to watch you dance and get drunk.”

“Creep.” He smiles a little.

“That’s why I wasn’t sure it was you. I went to get my whiskey, and I swear I saw you two minutes before taking a shot of tequila. I thought you were just drunk.”

You frowned, settling into the couch. You felt genuinely bad.

“Now I’m scared. For real.”

“Not intentional. I can literally watch my brother kiss Eun from here every five minutes, even if I don’t want to.” Yoongi plays with his ice, then drinks the rest in one go.

You gulped.

Thinking about it more was counterproductive for your mental health, you knew it, you understood it, it was practically self-sabotage, but right now, you gave yourself perhaps ten seconds to admire the beauty that Min Yoongi carried all by himself.

He looked so different, and everything that had changed elevated his beauty to places... god. You had met at a very young age too, in years, you could also say that you had changed enough to be mentioned at some point by a family member who hadn't seen you in a while, for example. You are an adult now, but it was impressive.

To think that you stopped seeing Yoongi right when he was being built into an idol says a lot. Everything about him looked expensive and well cared for, his soft hair, smooth skin, long eyelashes, immaculate hands, as if they were not obliged to do anything that would harm them. How his throat moved as the drink passed into his system, the lack of reaction of his features despite being strong, and having drunk almost half of the short glass.

The feeling that rose to your stomach made you come back, and from well-being, it turned into discomfort in your chest. He was there, he looked so attractive, and you couldn't do anything.

You couldn’t hug him, tell him how much you missed him and hit him nonstop because even when you’re still so into him, you were hurt too, and this situation was so out of your hands.

“I’d liked your speech. It was good.”

You wanted to tell him that you hadn't done it alone, but why would you do that? You didn't answer.

“You’re still writing?”

This time, you denied it almost instinctively. The truth is, you didn't want to give additional information to, in a way, a stranger, but you had already screwed up. “No. A long time ago I-“ stopped when you left, but of course you kept quiet.

When it was about Yoongi and whether you thought about the young you who loved that person in front of you so much and how dependent you were on someone who didn't care how you felt, it made you feel so stupid. And it didn't really make sense because you were young and inexperienced, and you had an important bond, so of course you will be hurt, you had more compassion than resentment. But still,

“-just don’t do it anymore.”

You didn't want to feel that weak again. He nodded.

“Why haven't you left if you don't want to be here?” You changed the topic. You weren't looking at him, but you felt his attention return to you, and he responded with his silence, then you looked up, and he avoided you again. “You're still not a party guy?” He didn't respond again, knowing that you knew the answer, so you smiled. “Yeah, you weren't either back then.” You say that just for yourself.

“I want to, though. Hyung it’s happy, and I haven't seen my family in a long time. My dad told me he was waiting for my wedding too. I stayed so maybe the event convinced me.”

“Your dad?” He nodded in disbelief as well. “That doesn’t sound like your dad. And also, the event?” A snort left your mouth as he looked at you, nodding. “ I don’t think it’s just about the event, you know?”

“Yeah. He told me that too.”

You laughed this time. You like that men.

“That doesn’t sound like him either.”

“I know.”

You missed Yoongi’s parents. They were so different from yours.

“You were, I remember.”

“What.”

“A party person. I always went with you and watched you dance because I didn't like it. Then we would leave late and buy ice cream at the convenience store downtown because you always craved some.” You nodded, trying to manage the pain that the memory caused you. “I've never seen you cry in one before.”

You played with the ice that was left, because the question was not directly a question, it was more of a mention, perhaps so as not to ignore what just happened. He knew you wouldn't answer and that you shouldn't either. You wrinkled your nose, uncomfortable.

“Where do you learn all of it?”

 

Containment, you meant.

 

“Hm.” He took a second. “These ten years have been interesting.” A laugh, and you try your best again. “I saw a member of our staff do it to Jungkook once, the first time. We were very young, but I’ve never forgotten it in case it happened again. It happened a couple of times after that, so I… know.”

And it's as if the anguish you had come back to you once you touched where his hands were for the first time in 10 years, and you had to close your eyes just because you felt upset. You didn't want to be there, you remembered. Not only because you didn't want to see him, but because you didn't feel well, and you put him over your emotions again.

Fucking hell.

“Your brother it’s looking for you.” You nodded, opening your eyes slightly.

“Of course he is…” you murmured, overwhelmed, trying to stand up. But you were feeling bad again, so you waited a little.

“Do you want me to-“

“No.”

You didn't know why you were so angry all of a sudden. Your heart was beating again, you started to feel warm even though the place was quite cold because of how big it was, and you were actually grateful that they cared about you, but you had spent all those months feeling like a burden to others.

You tried not to cause too many problems, you didn't want that kind of attention, especially after having been living alone, away from your family for so long, to live with them again. You went from making your own food to your mother having to sit next to you so you could eat something. From leaving early to work to not even knowing what time it was. From calling them to tell them good things, to having to pretend to sleep so as not to receive questions you didn't want to answer. You couldn't take care of yourself, it was something that you were having a hard time facing, because you wanted to do it, to be well so as not to be the burden of your family, but the pain you had was still just as big, and heavy, and it enveloped your entire chest. Squeezing. It didn't let you swallow, speak, cry, or breathe.

You were crying again. This time in silence, you didn't care that Yoongi was watching you in silence too, not knowing what to do.

"Where's the… dump thing you bought.”

He reacted a little slowly but quickly, searching for it, taking it out of his jacket pocket. You nodded.

“Can you clean my face, please? I don’t want to look like this when he finds me, and he will if I go to the bathroom right now.”

That one seemed to get him out of somewhere, because it did take him longer to process the information. He was standing with the towels in his hand and blinking, almost like a cat, a confused one. He didn't say anything, and you didn't think you had said anything wrong, so you got scared, and you wondered if maybe you, in fact, said something wrong.

“I can try, though. You don’t-“

“I’ll do it.”

He sits on the coffee table in front of you. You can smell his strong and manly cologne, and if you raised your eyes to his face enough, you could see him up close, closer than you had for many years again. Older, smelling that way, his marked features but you didn't. Of course not.

You close your eyes.

The two of you were silent, and it took you a few minutes to begin to feel the softness with which he ran over your face, the left side of your cheek, extremely light, almost afraid to touch you. You opened your eyes, and he wasn't looking where he was supposed to clean.

He looked at your face, carefully, perhaps making sure it was really you who was in front of him. He stopped his hand when your eyes connected, and it lasted only a few seconds, but you felt so much tension that you even doubted if it was wrong for you to pretend as if you didn't have things to talk about, before having any kind of contact. Whatever it was.

After that, he looked at you with pity.

The last one that night, you decide.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

You were stronger than him when it came to holding a gaze. He has always been the first to escape, which is why your gaze was very intense, heavy, and powerful. You could do it because you felt it was the most honest way to know if someone could handle you.

“Sorry.”

Yoongi had never been able to look at you for more than five seconds.

He resumed his work with the same smoothness. The music returned to your ears, and you returned to your place, to your life, to the now and to how your body was screaming to get out of there. You closed your eyes, chest tight and hands tense, trying to control their shaking.

You have bigger things to cry about right now than this. You had done it for a long time now; you had no more tears to cry for Min Yoongi, no reason to be nervous anymore, and no reason why you couldn't live in peace anymore.

“I’m sorry about Kija.” His voice was smooth, almost lullaby. He sounds nervous too, and just because of that, your response was also automatic. If it had been genuine, you would have had another panic attack right there.

 

“It’s okay.”

 

‘You are grieving. Don't expect anything better. Let us help you’

 

They were all grieving too.

 

“And I’m sorry I wasn’t- I didn’t know.”

There. Was there when you wanted to scream and punch him so hard enough to make him feel guilty.

“What do you mean.” To be honest, it doesn't even surprise you. You sensed it, but you had the small hope that he saw it… at least. “I texted you. Jae- he give me your number. I was waiting for you at his funeral.”

“Y/N…”

“It’s okay.”

 

You said instead. Yoongi looked terrified.

 

“I-“ he cut himself. “…was-“

You take his hand softly, stopping him. “It’s okay, Yoongi.”

“Wait.” One of his hands is on your wrist, preventing you from getting up. You didn't feel good, but you would do anything to get out of there. Still, you sat back down because you didn’t expect it.

“I’m sorry.”

 

Three.

 

The only thing you could hear was your heart beating; everything went quiet, and the words went away, an echo.

“It’s” You were far enough away to miss his scent or to see his new appearance. It was as if he disappeared into the darkness. “okay.”

And it was okay, not because that was exactly how it was, but because it didn't matter. It was okay because it didn't matter if he responded or not, he didn't have to. You were the one who was doing wrong by continuing to trust someone who had already failed you many times, and now you were choosing not to fall for anything sure.

It was okay, because there was no important bond that bonded you two, and allowed you to do bad things where there was nothing good to destroy.

And it was okay, because you simply didn't want to continue having him in front of you, talking about one of the most important people in your life, and seeing how he looked at you with pity. So it was okay.

 

But Yoongi had said sorry three times that day, and he hadn't been able to genuinely fix any of them.

—————————•。・. ゜・。_______________

teaser masterlist two

—————————•。・. ゜・。_______________

#yoongi au #yoongi fic #bts fic #yoongi smut #yoongi x you #yoongi fanfic #yoongi angst #bts headcanons #bts yoongi #yoongi x reader #bts x reader #yoongi series #min yoongi #slow burn

[wikiangela]

fuck it friday

not tagged but I said I'd post a snippet of the 6x17 smut for fuck it friday so here we go lol this is a snippet I actually already shared with @thebravebitch and she assured me it's not cringe, even tho it still feels like it and I can't believe I'm posting it lmao (also, it's more or less a direct continuation of this snippet - also, we're at 9k words and I feel like we're getting to the end finally! haha)

___

Then, he hesitates again. “You’ve done this before, right?” his voice sounds small, and shy, and it’s such a contrast to what they’ve been doing up until now Buck almost wants to laugh. He doesn’t, though, he gets it.

“I have.”

“And, um- how- uh, how recently?” Eddie frowns and shakes his head, as if displeased with how he worded it. “I just mean-”

“Eddie.” Buck interrupts with a smile, arms wrapped around Eddie’s shoulders. “I haven’t been fucked by anyone in a long time. Too long, and I just want you inside me already.” he adds, and sees Eddie’s face flush even more than it already was. “But I do fuck myself with toys pretty often, so, uh, it won’t take a lot of prep, if that’s what you’re asking.” he says casually, and Eddie groans and hides his face in the crook of Buck’s neck. Buck laughs. “What?” 

“You can’t just say that you- oh my god.”

“What? That I fuck myself?” Buck asks, and feels Eddie thrust his hips against his, rubbing them against each other. He smirks, running a hand down Eddie’s back to cup his ass, which is becoming one of his favorite things to do at the moment. “I can show you one day.” he whispers, and Eddie rolls his hips against his again.

“You’re really gonna be the death of me.”

___

No pressure tags: @silentxxsoul @jamietarts @elvensorceress @mrevanbuckley @honestlydarkprincess @translasso @shortsighted-owl @911onabc @alyxmastershipper @transbuck @prince-buck-diaz @panbuckley @thewolvesof1998 @thebravebitch

#fuck it friday #alsooo I do have a title! 'you been looking for love (let me show you how it's done)' #istg it's gonna be done so soon! #buddie wip #buddie fic #buddie #wikiangela writes #my writing #fic snippet #my wips #the 6x17 smut

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 10.24.2023

Well, it's been three weeks since I said I could stop working on Ductwork if I wanted to, and I'm still working on it. (At least I was, as of yesterday. I haven't done any writing yet today and who knows what tomorrow will bring?)

I didn't have quite as many words for this week as I would have liked, but my big goal for this week was to finish Chapter 2, and I did. The wordcount on my document increased quite a bit, but there were two big scenes that were already written and just got copied over (although one of them required some pretty major rewrites, which took up a bunch of time and energy without increasing the wordcount much). In any case, my "clean version" document is now at 17,860 (+5421) with an estimated 2,563 of new words for this week.

Chapter 3 feels a little daunting right now. The first two chapters featured a bunch of flashbacks to Renji getting his arm broken and now that story has been (mostly) told, and the next two chapters transition to having a bunch of flashbacks to the time Rukia got gored by a boar. (This fanfic is really a ride. I am the first one to admit that I jumped the shark three fanfics and I can't believe I am still going). Anyway, it's tricky, because I'm trying to retain themes without being repetitive, and also they need to tie into what's going on in "real time" and also, basically just that I have not planned it out yet, and I do not want to plan it out because my brain hates planning things. I actually have some of the flashbacks written, but I was honestly just freeballing at the time, so I'm not even sure if they're useful at all. So, anyway, I would like to be writing, but I have this planning activity in the way and I very much hate it.

I also got a little bummed because I kinda feel like I am not making any progress on this, despite how long I have been working on. I mean. It's only 2 chapters/18k. That's so little. It's not really, though, there's an entire other document. It's hard to count, because a lot of scenes are in both of them. I did bother to do some accounting, and I actually have more like 37k altogether, which is...more like something, I suppose.

I actually am not really sure how long it's gonna end up. The first two chapters are about 8-9k each, and I think Ch 3 and 4 will follow. The fanfic kind of takes a big transition after that, bisected by the surgery itself. I've sort of been imagining that the post-surgery part will be 1.5-2x the length of the pre-surgery (so, 6-8 chapters), but what I am going to do with all that space? This is the sort of thinking that leads to 100k fanfic. I will try to come up with things to fill the space and then I will have too much stuff. That's just how it is, I guess. Wouldn't it be nice if this could just be, like, 60k, and I could be almost done?

That's enough of my prattling for this week, I think. In other news, I finished the Rukia-and-Renji-have-sex-in-a-cave-in-Hueco-Mundo smut, and you can read it now. Much like the last one, it is, uh, not proving to be particularly popular. I'm not gonna let it stop me. The only way to get the smut you want in the world is to write it yourself, tho, and thanks to the handful of other people who appreciate my vision.

#writing update #art update

[rachasticks]

using felix as motivation bc if i won’t do it for myself i certainly will for him

#LMFAO IDK WHAT HAPPENED #i was writing his fic blah blah blah but then i suddenly #felt rlly hot??? but like ??? i’m not wearing hot clothes??? and my room isn’t hot ????? #and now i’m scared im poorly #trying to not have an actual thought so i can just write freely for a little bit 💆‍♀️ #almost 9k in tho with a lot more to go! #💭.rambles

[immxrtalbi]

Got tagged by @limonium-anemos thank you!! For the Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love

Oh man... Five stories? Let’s see what I got. Will only do completed ones tho :>

Home of Three (Tomarry, Rated T, 2k, Oneshot) 

"Teddy is fine," he insisted, narrowing his eyes towards him.

Harry had frowned and said, "Teddy, be nice. Tom didn't mean any harm."

"It's quite alright, Harry." Then Tom crossed his arms, lips forming into a grin—which Teddy found scary. "Teddy," he tested the name out, almost mockingly, "I get a feeling we're going to get along just fine."

My first tomarry fic! So I have a soft spot for this. And I love that I put Teddy in here. It’s cute with light angst but cute.

Broomsticks & Crushes (Jegulus, Rated T, 2k, Oneshot)

Taking Harry to get a broomstick was what James was looking forward to, however, he didn’t expect Regulus Black to be the owner of Black’s Brooms. And that his crush on James hadn’t faded since their times at Hogwarts. Would he give Regulus a chance this time around?

First Jegulus fic! And it has lots of fluff. Love that Harry and James bond and have a good relationship with each other. And Regulus having long time crush on James, yeah cute. I like rereading it every now and then

Azkaban Break (Tomarry, Rated E, 9k) 

"Are you afraid of me… Potter, is it?" He mocked. Bastard.

Harry nodded, still wary.

"Oh. For a second, I thought I forgot about it," Voldemort said in a dull tone.

It shouldn't be surprising that his temper got the best out of him. "I'm Harry Potter. And of course I'm not afraid! You're here because you murdered several people and almost ruled Britain! You got everything you deserve."

Personally, this is one of favs because it’s different and actually got into it when I wrote it. Harry’s is not the bwl and is a prison guard, guarding Voldemort, well now Tom. Then Harry helping him escape, yes! Did a good job with this story

Dance with Me (and Me Alone) (Tomarry, Rated T, 7.5k)

Harry has had a tough upbringing being a Squib in the Potter family. He faces a wizardry world where they don't respect him enough and even see him worse than a Muggle. Yet, the new Minister of Magic wants to know more about him.

Finished this story last month and I love how I wrote it! Again, very different. Has Squib Harry. There’s angst and a bunch of supportive family, protecting Harry. And Tom has an eye for him. This is a series so it’ll get better!

6 Year Anniversary, Not 5 (Hedric, Rated E, 1k, Oneshot)

"Happy Anniversary," Harry breathed. He liked the way Cedric's fingers massaged his nape; it brought shivers down his spine.

"You're the best husband I could ever ask for."

Yes, it’s my first hedric :< Short but hey there’s some smut in there. I’m fond of this one. It makes me love this ship more and will write more about them! But for now it’s sweet and about domestic husbands

~

Don’t know who to tag because almost everyone did this already. Sorry!

#tomarry #jegulus #hedric #fic rec

[sohnswoo]

LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME

Pairing: Gaeul x Gender Neutral!Reader

genre: angst, unrequited love

count: 9k

Gaeul and you were childhood friends. You grew up together, even were neighbors. You two used to go to the same kindergarden and attended the same schools. And now? Simply put, you‘re best friends. Basically something you would have thought of happening only in those pretty ass fairy tales your mum used to tell you. So what‘s the matter?

Well, some years passed, you both got older. Almost finished school, minding your own individual future careers. Gaeul told you a lot about being a singer – She was always amazed by it. What about you? I leave that up to you. Yes, you did indeed care about your career in the future, yes, you were working your ass off to get those A‘s, be a great student and so on. Right. So come again, what‘s the matter? To put it simply, you were falling in love with your best friend. Nope, you actually were in love with your best friend. What‘s the big deal? Simply put, you‘re afraid of getting rejected and losing your one and only best friend.

No one would be able to replace her, no one. Even if you would look for another friend, you wouln‘t be able to. Gaeul would always be in your mind. Replacing her? Out of the question. You wouldn‘t even dare to look for an replacement for someone so special like her. The real question tho, however, is why you‘re making such a big deal over confessing?

You often thought to yourself that it would never work out if she actually wanted to fulfill her dream being a singer. You guys wouldn‘t be able to hang out that much anymore, you guys wouldn‘t be able to have those long conversations anymore that could last for days, weeks. You couldn‘t just knock on each others doors across the street to hang out anymore. Nothing of that.

Some weeks later and your biggest nightmare – no, the thing you were most scared of happening actually happened. The Audition. Gaeul was sooooo overwhelmed when she told you about auditioning for that Entertainment she heard about launching a group. A girl group. You had no problem with that, actually, you were happy for her. But not about the fact that you guys wouldn‘t be able to see each other anymore. It was breaking you apart inside. You were trying your best to not show your disappointment infront of Gaeul. You could never. „That‘s great, I am so happy for you, bestie!“ you told her with the most faked grin. Gaeul could instantly see that you didn‘t mean your words. She knew what it would mean if she accepted the audition and maybe even gets the chance to debut. She knew everything that would happen to your friendship. Yes, friendship.

Gauel didn‘t know about your crush on her. Or well, that‘s what she told herself all the time. She didn‘t have feelings for you. She loved having you around – as a friend, as her best friend, as her shoulder to lean and cry on. No hard feelings involved. Her stares wouldn‘t be like yours. For her, you‘re just a friend and nothing less and more. And you knew about that. Her eyes wouldn‘t light up the same way yours did whenever you guys messaged each other, hang out together or talked about the craziest things. It hurt. It hurt you a lot. Nothing would compare to this kind of pain.

Time went by and it was time to say goodbye. Goodbye to your happiness. Gaeul got accepted and had to leave right away. She couldn‘t dare to leave without saying anything to you. You knew she would get accepted, Gaeul is really talented, beautiful, a really great dancer, rapper and singer. This is what she always dreamt about. And it is finally happening. However, she told you nothing. Nothing about the process of being accepted. Maybe she once told you that she‘s one of the best ones there yet but nothing else. Gaeul didn‘t want to hurt you more. She know she already lost you by auditioning and agreeing to be apart of the debut group. She knew. You knew.

She made her way over to your house, her stuff already packed in her dad‘s car and only waiting for her to return to finally be one step closer to her dream. She wasn‘t ready to say goodbye to you. Indeed, she was actually as scared as you. However, she had to put on a brave face.

Before knocking, she made sure that she had her little surprise for you with her as well. She inhaled when looking at the little package she spent on making right after she got the call for being accepted into the trainee life. It was just a little book. Not just a book, but filled with memories shared by the both of you. She was once thankful for always having her polaroid cam and other stuff with her to take pictures of you, of her, of the scenarios happening infront of her. In this book, there are all the memories since being small toddlers. (She asked her mum to ask your mum to give her access to some of your childhood pictures since the both of you weren‘t able to take pictures at that age yet) When skipping through every page, she would try her best not to cry every time. She wanted her last real present for you to be special – to be the most memorable. When she finished every page, some being decorated with stickers, drawings, pictures or texts only, she would write on the cover ‚To my soulmate‘. She put indeed her soul into it. Into every page. Into every little detail. She recalled every event – no, every scenario she had with you, all of your fights, your most happy days, just everything. Every now and then, she’s thinking whether if it‘s the right choice, leaving you behind while she is out there living her dream. Your words would be stuck in head, „I am so happy for you, bestie“

Once again, she would snap out of her thoughts when your door opens abruptly, with a breathless Gaeul standing infront of it. „Huh, why are you looking at me like that? Did you see something scary or is it because of me?? IF yes, how dare you, I just took a shower and got dressed. But yea, Anyway-“ you were cut off by your own doing. You let your eyes wander behind her, seeing her dad standing on the side of his car. You weren‘t ready for this. You wanted all of this go away.  Your expressions changed completely. When looking back at Gaeul, you had to hold yourself back from jumping onto her and never let go. You didn‘t want her to leave. Not to leave you. Not to leave everything you both shared behind. She had her exes fixed on you, but couldn‘t get a word out of her mouth. She was standing infront of your door, infront of you, completely vulnerable. „I-I‘m sorry. I‘m sorry for telling you only now b-but I accepted it. I really wanted to t-tell you, I swear! I was just being selfish and mainly didn‘t want to hurt you. I know, I hurted you by not telling you as well too. I was just not ready to say goodb-“ she started crying and you wish you hugged her right then and now but couldn‘t. You were too overwhelmed by this whole situation. You didn‘t want this to happen. But you also couldn‘t smile and tell her it‘s fine. While watching Gaeul crying her soul out but not on your shoulder and also not using you as her shoulder to cry on hurt you more.

When the both of you were actually ready again to look at each other, Gaeul was trying to speak first but you cut her off. „Gaeul, it‘s okay. I knew you would get accepted. You worked hard to get into the audition. You are so hard-working and to be honest, I‘ve never seen a person being so passionate about their dreams“ you tried to give her a smile, one with honesty and the most meaningful one. You tried. You let it all out. „You know, I want you to be happy, and I don‘t care if you‘re out there showing the world who the real Gaeul is, you will make it big. I know this for sure.“, giving her a big smile which she returned. Gaeul tried to speak again but only to be cut off again. „And you know, I know the first few days without you will be the worst. I know that goodbye‘s are never great to experience but lets just-“ you were trying to hold your tears back and started to grab her hands while continuing and staring at her making sure she will return the gaze. „- let‘s just make the best out of it. I will always be there for you. I am only one call away. I will even go as far as driving there myself and talk with you. But please, you did nothing wrong. Please be happy. I love you.“

Gaeul’s eyes grew wider by every word you spoke and you could see tears were forming again. She didn‘t look away, she never did. She didn‘t know what to do, she wanted to give you a hug, to give you her present that was now lying on the ground, to continue giving you happiness. But she couldn‘t. She built up her confidence and gave you a sly smile (despite having teary eyes) „ Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being in my live for forever. So let‘s make it quick then.“ she picked up the package from the ground and handed it to you. „This. This is something i spent soo many nights working on. I hope you like it as much as I do“, before you wanted to ask what it is she would cut you off by saying „So well, I should get going then. I will message you as soon as i arrived. Oh, don‘t worry, I will take care of myself and I hope you will do to!“ She gave you one last big hug you wish lasted forever. While hugging you realized that she never said it back. She didn‘t say it back. You got destroyed inside again. After your hug, you would give each other grins and she would slowly make her way to her dad‘s car. She looked at you for the last time and got into the passenger‘s seat. She muttered „I will miss you“ which you respond with a ‚i will miss you too‘.

The car drives off leaving you alone in the street, you can feel how it started raining as well, hiding your tears that were building up again. Holding the package really close, you muttered a small „ Goodbye Gaeul. I already miss you.“ and went inside.

This was the day you hated the most in your entire life. Watching your best friend, your happiness and crush vanishing on the rainy street - destroying your feelings inside and most importantly, leaving you behind.

#ive #ive scenario #angst #angst scenario #gaeul #ive gaeul #sohnswoo #idol x gn reader

[wistfulrat]

this week is different shades of muggle draco — a wily little shit, secretly tender, devastatingly hot, lives to piss harry off. then, curse-breaker draco coming toe-to-toe with powerful!harry. all feat. lots of angsty sex and harry consistently being the last one to realize his big gay crush is quite serious. one braincell behavior. we luv him for it.

Clear As Mud by scoradh - 9k, M

Set post-war and post-Harry's-conscience... “You need cool, calculating bastards to save the world” —Thief of Time

post-war draco’s slummin it as a muggle. he lives in a shithole with unsavory roommates. scoradh establishes all these dynamics in the opening cellar-poker gambling scene and the tone/mood is so precise i want to yell. harry obviously Hates draco’s life even tho they’re lowkey fuck buddies. harry is a walking double (triple? quadruple?) standard. harry doesn’t know how to want draco without feeling guilty, resentful, possessive, confused, fragile. Malfoy inspired an incredible amount of self-doubt in Harry by doing nothing more than looking like he had enough confidence for three people and enough scathing put-downs for another five. ahhh!!! the assumption that draco isn’t equally insecure behind that veneer of unbotheredness. and later, the slow realization that harry doesn’t actually have to be ashamed of his wants. he’s allowed to like draco and fuck off into the sunset. as is ur right hrry!!

We Might Be Too Old for a Bildungsroman by @wellhalesbells​​ - 21k, T Harry finds something he’s been looking for since the war’s end. Admittedly, the packaging’s a bit odder than he expected.

auror partners harry and ron trouncing abt london for a case when they happen upon cafe-owner draco. draco who has lilac hair, edgy muggle best friends, and moonlights as a literal computer hacker. it’s a doozy. harry and ron assume the worst. and then they both kind of fall in love with this weird ass trio dynamic and everything that draco’s become since the war--protective, sly, smart as fuck, a little scary, and extremely capable. (calrissian18′s characterization is so elite goD). but it’s not as easy as being charmed by the novelty of it all. bc harry has unresolved beef with draco 2.0′s ability to just Move On and succeed bc ~fuckbois who were privileged shits~ shouldn't be allowed that, right? well, wrong. - “You’ve grown up,” Harry said. That’s what it was. Somehow Harry had never expected it to happen to Malfoy. He felt left behind, as he wasn’t quite sure it had happened to him yet. He’d hidden behind his job almost to be sure it hadn’t. Watching Malfoy though, it didn’t seem as scary as he’d once thought. Malfoy frowned, looking past Harry to the street below. “Unfortunate, isn’t it? It’s a shame, not seeing magic in the air anymore.” Harry didn’t think he meant that literally. “Instead there’s pollution and rubbish bins and manky strays.” Harry shook his head. “I was going to say the opposite. You’re better with your eyes all the way open.” - i'm obsessed with calrissian18′s titling of this fic for many reasons but mostly because it encapsulates harry and draco’s dilemma when they eventually have to confront the tension of their relationship. what’s a bildungsroman anyway? it’s the literary term for coming-of-age novels, for stories that chart the great shift from adolescence into adulthood. and in this fic’s context, it’s harry and draco saying we might be too old for an unexpected and thrilling change. we might be but, fuck, i hope not. 

heavyweight by warmfoothills  ( @forestgreenlesbian ) - 28k, E Draco had moved out of his childhood home five days after his father got sent to Azkaban. He’d packed up his rooms, piling up boxes until the walls were bare and his cupboards were empty and his arms were shaking because he’d done it all by hand instead of using magic. He’d barely used magic at all since his trial. Then he’d left everything there in the middle of his bedroom and apparated away with one case of clothes that his mother shrunk down enough to fit in his pocket.

in harry’s mind, it goes like this: draco gets to run away. harry doesn’t. so harry is incapable of leaving draco alone and he traces him down constantly. draco is pissed off that harry feels entitled to this invasion of his muggle-world attempt at becoming a different person. harry is pissed off that draco gets to somehow live detached from the mess that is post-war reconstruction. draco tells him to fuck off. “When have either of us ever been able to manage that, Malfoy?” --it’s a one-sided chase for a while, half-curiosity half-envy. harry is as eager as he is broody. draco doesn’t want to be desired against someone’s better judgment. warmfoothills is so great at capturing the contradictory nature of their friendship. it happens almost in spite of them, slow and stubborn. They eat salad with plastic forks sitting in Hyde Park and Draco feels something shift between them again. He wonders if they’ll ever stabilise. the entire fic is a catalogue of that shifting, of watching their angsty unarticulated yearning finally become a real, spoken thing. warmfoothills’ rooftop scene made me emo as hell. 

measures of our days and nights by @flimsi - 40k, E Draco returns to London to help the Ministry decipher a spell, but things aren’t quite as simple as they seem.

god i love a high-stakes plot with a chaotic emotional landscape and flimsy delivers! curse-breaking, magical theory, a life-threatening spell with the potential to kill a shit ton of people. hermione has to call on draco who’s been m.i.a for 5 yrs. and even though draco has become an altruistic, spell-unraveling, french-village dwelling swot, british wiz world still thinks draco is sus. enter in auror and lowkey unspeakable-liaison harry -- powerful and morally grey as shit. he and draco immediately get off on the wrong foot. their interactions are volatile and needy. they tentatively warm to each other but harry fucks up. draco is livid. and yet!! it’s in this wildly tense and desperate race against death that draws them together. Draco shook his head and let out a humorless laugh. “I don’t know how you do it.” It was answered by an equally empty laugh. “Neither do I,” Harry said. ah, what are 2 morose as fuck commiserating sad boys meant to do but fall in love!!

#drarry fic rec #weekly drarrys #harry said muggle draco isnt allowed to be hot and unbothered guess i gotta Annoy him into liking me #that ‘all men are just some guy’ tweet but it’s draco unimpressed by harrys antics #jokes on him he likes the attention #anyway i def had to google ‘bildungsroman’ she said what if English major but mediocre #lilac hair draco kinda snapped tbh #that thief of time quote Fucks im obsessed #........... #drarry

[nanabbi]

Hello! I love zisashi angst and I have at least 70 fics to rec! ... Would you like me to recommend them? 👀 I've been colecting them for over a year now

So, this person did DM me the recs but they didn’t want to be mentioned by name, so I’ll just thank them a lot for sharing their suggestions. They had also placed sweet little notes for all of them, I’ll include them, but I hold no authority of them. I’ll add some of my own insight if I have any.

Here is the list for me and all of you to check them out:

don't scream until the earth crumbles by rise_beyond_the_graveyard (serenlyall)

3K/Oneshot-  [Their Note:  Angst for Hizashi and Shouta. Mentions of torture, be careful with the tags]

If At First You Don't Succeed... by MarziPanda95

26K/Completed- !!! It Is completed! Yay, I’ll definitely read it at first chance. It is a Groundhog Day fic. [Their Note:  A personal favorite that was completed very recently. Mentions of torture (mental and corporal) the tension in this fic is amazing! And its really well written]

Without You I Can't Breathe by morbidcorvids

2K/Oneshot- Major Character Death. Hizashi basically dies in Aizawa’s arms from what I saw.  [Their Note: This one is... So good but omg it made me so sad ;;;; a great piece of angst!! Mind the tags before breaking your heart].

Hindsight Is 20/20 by Nartothelar

2K/Oneshot- Wait there’s fics of this AU!? Omg! I was wondering where I could get more insight about it and this fic is part of a series. Now tho 👀 [Their Note:  Part of nartothelar's awesome mafia au! I love the angst in this one, and even comes with art! 💕💞💖💓 love it so much]

Resignation by OnAir

28K/Completed- [Their Note:  THIS IS OMG SJDVBDD MY FAVE, I'VE READ IT LIKE 8383737721 TIMES, its a must! Read! Of! Hizashi! Angst! Pleaaaase! Do yourself a favor and read this masterpiece]

[More under Read More, because our provider was very generous with their suggestions]

Patchwork Family by bravobeavo

3K/Oneshot- [Their Note:  This one is so cute! Hizashi angst with erasermic family fluff to warm your heart! Shinsou and Eri are so worried for their dad in this one 💕]

Consumption of the Heart and Lungs by YamiHeart

4K/Oneshot- [Their Note:  I think you will like this one... Its a hanahaki!!!! And in japan with ninjas and samurais 💕💞💖 and an omg very good amazingly written hanahaki. It is part of a series though! So if you fall in love with it you can read the next one!]

White Chrysanthemums by LipstickVenom

9K/Oneshot- I see Major Character Death warning and Hurt no Comfort. I’ll approach with caution [Their Note: Ok hear me out, this one hurts! A lot, but its oh so amazing💕 fully recommend it!]

Paper Hearts by Xen_The_Protogen

2K/Oneshot- Major Character Death Warning [ Their Note: Super fun timeline to follow! Well... Not fun, this fic made me cry, but I loved how the story was told! Please, its a must read!]

Soul Bound by Ibelieveinahappilyeverafter

7K/Oneshot- It is written by Andy. I trust it. [Their Note:  One of the best soulmate fanfiction out there, its not fully angst, but it is there in some parts! (USJ I see ya) this one is more like Hizashi and Shouta angst though].

you are my sunshine by chimera (emptyheadspace)

5K/Completed- Ha. Ha. I see the title and the MCD Warning... Someone here is not afraid of that warning [Their Note:  I mean, the title already tells you that this sadder than mufasa's death. 5+1 type of fic (I love the format so I loved this one even more!)]

I'm Sorry, I'm Not Sorry by Tabs

1K/Oneshot- It does say happy ending tho [Their Note: And yis.... Short and sad, read it!]

Shout & Mute by ill go with that then (Linelenagain)

9K/Oneshot- Body swap, you have my curiosity and attention [Their Note:  Ok this one is not angst angst, but is more like Aizawa finally realizing the hardships that Hizashi must have (and is going through) because of his quirk thanks to a bodyswap! :D (love this one aye)]

A Gift of Sunshine by Ibelieveinahappilyeverafter

35K/Completed- It’s Andy again! Hi sir, I’m a fan. The concept seems interesting [Their Note: Ok so... In this fic Hizashi is a sword and Aizawa attends UA with him (it? Lol) well, he is more like a soul in a sword, not the swor- meh, just read it. It has some heave angst in some chapters! And its not that long! Reallyyyy good fic]

More Than Just a Smile by ravyn_sinclair

7K/Oneshot- -heavy breathing- I see BAMF Hizashi in the tags. BAMF HIZASHI! [Their Note:This is a fic of Hizashi being underestimated and showing everyone that he has some brains/ knows how to be a hero. There is angst by the end of the fic~ this piece of writing is just- a masterpiece. Kudos to the writer!]

Improbable Botany 101 by Tierfal 

46K/Complete- [Their Note: OKAY! A HANAHAKI THAT IS JUST 💕💞💖 its longish? Not that much, you'll finish it in an hour or so, but is just sooooo gooooooood! Amazing hanahaki angst! I love how they show us the feelings and thoughts of the characters].

6:15 by dadzawa_of_1a

3K/Oneshot- [Their Note: So great! I loved this one! And its very well written! Its a quick read so please just go go go go!].

I thought we'd last forever by orphan_account

1K/Oneshot- MCD Warning [Their Note: Great fic my dear! And very sad... Mind the tags :'"c]

Ice It by Say_Jay

3K/Oneshot- Oh! I’ve read this one! It’s so cute. I was looking for it when I was doing the Hizashi whump list, but I hadn’t bookmarked it! Now I have! Gosh I hate losing fics, thanks for bringing it over [Their Note:  Its more like... Comfort after getting hurt? But meh, angst anyway sbdbjdbd However, I think that everyone in the erasermic fandom is familiar with this short masterpiece].

Dust in the Wind by d_lynx

Sleep and Sweet Tea by d_lynx

2K/Series-  [Their Note: Ok this one is just pure angst. A very short concentrated bomb of angst. It does have a happy continuation though! So you can go and check that].

Guillotine by existentialrat

4K/Ongoing- !!! 👀 Do I have anything to do with the origin of this fic? I see the author’s note there. I’ll wait~ [Their Note: Hizashi is with hanahaki! Ohnooo! Dnjdbdj well well, this one is not finished, but there is one chapter left so... You can choose to either wait or just start reading it. Oboro lives in this one though!]

Honest with You by astrange_one

8K/Completed- [Their Note:  Hizashi gets insecure after having an encounter with his past foster parents :c babyyyyy. He suffers so much mentally speaking in this one]

Needle-thin Tightrope by Dramaticdragon

2K/Oneshot- [Their Note: Another insecure Hizashi! This one is short but ohhh amazing!]

Lost and Found by TheWiseMansFear

16K/Ongoing- Last Update: April 2020 [Their Note: Hizashi is tortured but refuses to tell why! Its not finished! And the updates are slow, but is very good, read under your own risk].

Day 3: Unexpected/Revelation by presentedmic

2K/Oneshot- [Their Note:  Great fic! Shouta tells Shinsou about the time he almost lost Hizashi! Cutecutecute and angsty!]

Desolate by maplebee

<1K/Oneshot- MCD [Their Note:  A short very angsty fic... Almost made me cry, this one did].

With You by maplebee

<1K/Oneshot- [Their Note:  Short and sad as well, this author is great with making you feel stuff in less than 1k].

Accidentally Forever by Arkham_Cat

1K/Oneshot- I skimmed through it, it seems mild with no Mature content [Their Note: Short Omegaverse, shows how Shouta accidentally marked Hizashi. Its angst? But not very heavy angst, soft angst? Dunno. And is short as well! So I would recommend it if u want a quick read!].

Sunshine Boy by MarziPanda95

40K/Completed-  MarziPanda again! Hmmm 👀 [Their Note: We all know that Marzipanda95 is a goddess of Hizashi Angst, and this fic is one of her greatest masterpieces! Please! This is a must read!!! Recently completed].

Even As I'm Busted And Broken by Tippytap

<1K/Oneshot- [Their Note: Ok... Short but sad, Hizashi is finally overwhelmed. Mind the tags please]

(Don't Ever) Stop Talking by WritingStarsIntoConstellations

<1K/Oneshot- [Their Note: Aizawa messes up by using his quirk on Hizashi! They are teens in this one~]

Kintsugi (Broken & Fixed) by DarklingMoon

12K/Completed- [Their Note: Another 5+1 cause god knows I love them so much! Its a great fic filled with angssttttttt... Read it lol]

Lemon Boy by modernmint

<1K/Oneshot- [Their Note: Short! Focuses on the phobia that Hizashi has with bugs and the relationship of the boys! They are teens in here].

Five Times Present Mic Apologized (And One Time He Didn't Have To) by BurningTheSapphires (MyStShSh)

5K/Oneshot- [Their Note:  Features villain present mic! Is not mostly angst but it has...] Good ending? I hope.

Sixty Seven by AcroArdent 

1K/Oneshot- MCD [Their Note: This is just short erasermic angst. Featuring villain aizawa!]

Waiting For You to Call My Name by Purplemerald

2K/Oneshot-  [Their Note: I mean, you tell me "Hizashi angst" and I think of this fic, short, painful, a must read].

Snapshot by LipstickVenom

5K/Oneshot- [Their Note:  Insecure of his body image Hizashi :c ]

Five Stages of Grief by NeitherDeadnorAlive

3K/Ongoing- I saw no MCD warning. [Their Note:  Hizashi is trapped with some civilians under loads of rubble! Rescate mission ensues! And huh... Its not finished, but its some great angst thooo]

Musical Vibrations by Rose_Cat

1K/Oneshot- [Their Note: Hizashi gets deafened :c ]

Letting Go by Zombieisms

<1K/Oneshot- MCD [Their Note: Hizashi is comatose].

Dangerous by AutisticWriter

1K/Oneshot- [Their Note: Little kid shinsou and hizashi bonding over their time at the orphanage].

One Last Time by CoolPandr

<1K/Oneshot- MCD [Their Note: Aizawa Mourning our sunshine boy :c short and painful]

You're Late! by AnotherWeirdoHere

<1K/Oneshot- MCD. I didn’t even read it but the title and the summary alone pained enough of a picture to make me choke. These concepts hit me for some reason [Their Note: Short angst! Super cute ending].

Too Loud and Too Much by doctornemesis

2K/Oneshot-  [Their Note:  Insecure teen hizashi :c someone give this boy a hug].

Just a Push by Say_Jay

5K/Oneshot- [Their Note:  Aizawa injures Hizashi while training!]

Everything I Wanted by toshiwoshi

4K/Oneshot-  [Their Note: Hizashi gets misuranderstood and gets his heart broken :c happy ending tho]

Memories by My_Furnace_Has_Wings

2K/Oneshot- MCD Omg... [Their Note: Ok this is erasermic family angst... Suuuuper sad, this author is great.]

Actions Speak Louder than Words by My_Furnace_Has_Wings

<1K/Oneshot- [Their Note:  Teen erasermic confession with angst! Really good ^^]

Mr loverman by popweezle

1K/Oneshot- Angst with a freaking Happy Ending tag. Finally I am getting super depressed with these scenarios I am reading here. Good God. [Their Note: Another comatose Hizashi~]

first love / late spring by pgsaihara

1K/Oneshot-  [Their Note: Erasermic angst, insecure Aizawa makes Hizashi upset :c ]

Needle-thin Tightrope by Dramaticdragon

2K/Oneshot- [Their Note:  Another insecure about his volume hizashi :c poor baby but I kinda get him].

Small Hiding places by IsTheMedia

2K/Oneshot- Part of Villain!Mic [Their Note:  Part of villain Hizashi series! But can be read alone... Implied child abuse, mind the tags].

(dis)trust by Cat_Tac

4K/Oneshot- TW: Sexual assault (doesn’t get far, but it is the basis of the plot). Mentioned this one in previous ask, but let’s put it in this huge pile too [Their Note:  MIND THE TAGS PLEASE, this can be triggering. Hizashi is assaulted at work and feels guilty].

Be grateful, hero by SaltywithSarcasm

2K/Oneshot- [Their Note: Hizashi is kidnapped and tortured]

Tenacity by tiniest_hands_in_all_the_land

23K/Oneshot- [Their Note:  Ok so... This is more Aizawa centric? But there is some amazing hizashi angst at the end! (Another 5+1 fic!)]

Déjà vu by douchegrayson

9K/Completed- Mentioned this one before too. I really love its concept so much [Their Note: Everyone forgets hizashi thanks to a quirk! Our poor boy is desolated :c ]

Stay With Me by MintIceTea

2K/Completed- [Their Note:  Erasermic angst and fluff!]

Engagement by fecklessphilanderer

8K/Completed- [Their Note:  Hizashi falls off a building, fluffy ending!]

Note: In all of these, make sure to read the tags please, in case there are any themes you’re uncomfortable with. I have not yet read most of these, so once more you’re gonna have to look out for yourselves. 🙏

#ask #Anonymous #erasermic #fic recs #nananswers #Jesus christ it is no wonder Ive not seen all this angst #I turn off the Major Character Death warning to exlude them #I am so sad #thank you for all your suggestions tho! Me and I am sure more people appreciate them

[possiamo-andare]

Liar: JJ Maybank

JJ x Reader

(gif made by @rudypankows )

MASTERLIST

word count: over 9k (haha)

a/n: this is very angsty and I barely edited because it's so long. I'm so sorry in advance, the ending kinda sucks. I hope y'all like it tho!

description: this is a one part imagine, involving JJ and the reader (y/n). The reader and JJ meet at a beach party one night and start sleeping with eachother, but only staying friends. Soon, they fall for eachother and a sexual relationship turns into a romantic one. But JJ is hiding something and once it is revealed, will they ever be the same?

~

You rarely lied. As a kid, you would get hives when you lied to someone; your guilty conscience affecting your body. Lying was typically a very hard thing for you to do. It meant you were betraying someone's trust, and since you couldn't bear upsetting anyone, you couldn't lie. It got you in trouble all the time but your inability to lie was also your greatest strength. People appreciate your honesty and found your personality magnetic.

With that being said, you lied that night and it didn't even hurt you. 

He had looked so good, you told yourself that. That was the problem. He had just looked so damn good that night at the beach almost anyone would lie to themselves to get him. Even just a taste.

You wanted to ignore him at first. Maybe if you didn't care enough, he wouldn't notice you. Because, god, if he noticed you, then he'd come over and then you couldn't promise anything. So, you averted your gaze and instead paid attention to Kie as she spoke, telling you about the newest charity she was saving money to donate to. You had, once in a while, glanced his way but he had always been looking somewhere else so you thought that he hadn't noticed your stares. Until, you had accidentally looked his way when he was watching you. You knew it was an honest mistake and something that eventually would've happened since you were looking so often, but you were embarrassed nonetheless. You were trying to convince yourself he didn't even notice you when he walked your way. You felt his eyes burning into you and you mustered every ounce of self control you had and didn't look at him as he walked closer and closer to you and Kie.

When he finally approached, he spoke to Kie first. "Hey Kie." His eyes drifted towards you again, this time a smirk evident on his face. Him watching you made you shift uncomfortably. You knew he was taking you all in.

Kie smiled at him and briefly hugged him. Then she looked at you, a nervous smile on your face, as she introduced you. "This is my friend Y/N. Y/N, this is JJ."

You nodded towards JJ. "Hi." That name sounded familiar but you couldn't quite remember. You went to the same school as Kie, you being a Pogue but getting a scholarship to the academy. You were an intelligent individual but you knew, when it came to boys, you were just about the dumbest person in the world. You'd probably sell your left kidney just for a kiss with this boy you had never met before. It was dumb, but you were a teenager and hopefully would grow out of it.

"Hey, nice to meet you." He extended his hand for you to shake.

You looked down at it and shook it, electricity coursing through your veins.

"What's your last name?" 

JJ smirked, sizing you up once more. "Maybank."

JJ Maybank. You had heard about JJ and the things you heard didn't necessarily put a good taste in your mouth. But who were you to judge? Besides he was hot, and you doubted he would ever go for you. This was a harmless feeling.

Except it wasn't. One second, you were talking to JJ about surfing and the next second he was asking if you'd like to come back to his place. It had all happened so fast you were sure you had misunderstood him when he spoke. But then he asked you again and you were surprised. What surprised you even more was that you said yes. 

"This is a one time thing." You lied to JJ, untying your shoes at his doorway. 

He removed his shirt, pushing his hair out of his face. "Okay." He was smirking at you as you undressed, almost as if he didn't believe what you said. 

You believed yourself that night, but soon came to realize that was so far from the truth. That one night had been amazing and you had thought that would be it. But it was not that easy. It never was with JJ. Before you knew it, only a week later, you saw him again. This time with a brunette leaning against him.

You had been invited by Kie again to meet John B. and Pope. You had gladly decided to come, partly because you wanted to meet Kie's other friends and also because you knew JJ would be there. But you hadn't expected him to be kissing someone else. Although you wanted it to be you, you knew that wasn't possible. Besides, why did you care? You were not gonna let some blonde Pogue mess with you. It was one night. It was amazing, but you had told him never again. 

Then, it happened again. You were talking to John B. about helping him fix his car when, out of nowhere, JJ entered the conversation. He stood beside you and barely spoke but you felt his presence and that was enough. Once you and him were alone again, the conversation was short.

"Hey." He stated, matter-of-factly.

"Hi." You replied, pushing the hair out of your face.

"Didn't think I'd see you here." JJ smirked, taking a few steps closer to you. You remembered how harshly you swallowed. Boys like JJ rarely made you nervous.

"Well I am." You said defensively. You weren't about to let this boy play you. "Sorry I interrupted your fun with the brunette. What's her name?"

JJ chuckled. "Lacey. And you ruined nothing. To be honest, I wish it was you."

And then, that was it. Again, for the second time, you were in JJ's bed. Your clothes had been torn off before your body had even hit the bed. Shortly after JJ's were too. You barely had time to think, let alone speak but you managed to in between kisses.

"This is the last time." You smirked, both of you now knowing you were lying. 

You wished you weren't lying that night. You wished you hadn't slept with JJ again. Maybe, you thought, everything that happened after would've been easier.

After that second night, you and JJ started a relationship. He wasn't your boyfriend, he made that clear to you. You hadn't really wanted him to be anyways. You had just gotten out of a long term relationship and didn't want your heart broken. You chose the wrong guy again because JJ loved breaking hearts. He did it for fun.

The rules were simple. You'd only call each other at night and you would leave right after. No real conversations, no love, just sex. And for a month, that was easy enough. You needed him during that month as much as he needed you. You weren't looking for something serious, just to fool around. You were sick and tired of commitment and heartbreak and just wanted to relax and have fun. JJ never had commitments and enjoyed the company. He hadn't had a girlfriend in ages and there was rarely a girl who wanted this kind of relationship. He was really happy to know that you were that type of girl. And he believed that as long as you continued to be that type of girl, this could go on forever. 

Except it didn't. 

You weren't really sure when everything changed but if you had to guess, you'd say it was the night he climbed through your bedroom window. 

Your parents were out on a date night when you heard tapping on your window. At first you thought it was the tree outside your room but when it persisted, you decided to look for yourself. That's where you found JJ, leaning against your window sill. In a moment of shock, you opened the window and pulled him through. You were so shocked to see him mostly because the rules had been that if he wanted to have sex, he had to call you first. You had just been on your phone and since you hadn't gotten a call or text, you wondered why he was here in the first place. You were so shocked to see him here you almost didn't see his face. But once you did, you couldn't look away.

As he took a seat on the edge of your bed, you gasped. Not only was his face covered in blood and open wounds, he clutched his right side, as if he had broken a rib. You didn't hate blood, you hated the smell. To you, blood smelled like old iron and it made you nauseous. You probably would've become a doctor if it wasn't for the fact that the smell of blood made you nauseous. Maybe it was all the adrenaline of seeing JJ outside your window or the fact that he was badly beaten up, but you didn't feel nauseous when you smelled the blood coming off him. Your mind was too busy to remember to be nauseous. 

You went to sit beside him, your hand coming to touch his face. "JJ..." The second your hand touched his cheek, he winced and pulled away.

"My dad got drunk." JJ stated, looking at his feet. He was clearly embarrassed and when you didn't speak, he continued. "I didn't know where to go. John B. is with Sarah and I don't wanna bother Pope or Kie."

You nodded. "I'm gonna get you cleaned up."

You knew JJ's dad was a deadbeat father. Everyone in OBX did. When he wasn't gambling, he was getting piss drunk in his home. A lot of people believed that JJ would bear the brunt of his father's alcoholism but you didn't want to believe it. You didn't want to believe that a father hurt his only child. Your parents weren't the best, being Pogues they rarely parented and you were frequently left to your own devices, but they never laid a finger on you. You didn't want to believe someone as seemingly happy as JJ would be suffering from physical abuse behind closed doors. Now, you knew it to be true.

You wanted to cry for JJ. But you stayed strong and fixed him the best you could. You got some disinfectant and a cloth, with tons and tons of bandages and got to work. First, you washed his face. As the water cleansed his face, your sink started to look like a crime scene. The amount of blood that went down the drain almost made you think that people's water was gonna start to taste like iron. Once his face was washed, you realized that there were only really two big gashes on his face. One, right over his cheek and the other on his forehead. With some disinfectant and bandages, you knew it would heal in a couple of weeks. As for JJ, you didn't know if he would heal.

"This is gonna hurt." You said as you held the cloth you soaked in disinfectant. JJ was sitting on the edge of your bathtub as you spoke to him. 

He nodded. "Got any liquor?"

You smiled, shaking your head. "Sorry."

JJ sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "It's whatever."

And with that, you started to disinfect his wounds. At first, he was wincing but the more you cleaned, the less he did. Finally, when the two wounds on his face were clean, you put three bandages on each wound. Then, you moved onto his side, where he was clutching it tenderly. You knew that this was way out of your area of expertise but you wanted to help the best you could. And you knew JJ would never agree to go to a hospital. 

"You gotta take off your shirt." You stated, pointing to the bloody shirt he still was wearing.

JJ smirked, looking down. "You want me right now?"

You couldn't help but smile. Even in this state, he could make you laugh. How was he so strong? "No. I need to see if you're hurt anywhere else."

JJ nodded, still smirking as he lifted his shirt over his head. "Anything to see me naked."

You were about to counter with a snarky remark, but you never got the chance. Your breath was caught in your throat when you saw what was underneath JJ's shirt. Where he was clutching his side, was a large purple bruise that expanded through his entire side. It was horrendous and you knew it would turn black before it started to heal but that wasn't even the worst of it. There were smaller bruises all over his stomach and back. They were small but you could tell they were large before and were just starting to heal. You wondered how you didn't see them before. It was dark when you were together but it couldn't have been that dark. Granted, you weren't really looking out to see if there was bruising but you couldn't believe that you had missed these before.

You were silent for minutes and finally, JJ spoke. "I never wanted you to see them. That's why I want to only see you at night."

You looked to JJ's face, his expression unreadable. Although he was expressionless, you were not. Your face was in a deep frown and there were tears pooling in your eyes, threatening to spill over any moment. You wanted to speak, but you didn't know what you could say. What was there to say?

Finally, you found your voice. "JJ..." Your voice was weak and soft, filled with emotion. You reached for his hand but when he realized you were about to cry, he pulled away.

"No," he said defiantly. "Don't get emotional. I'm fine." He was acting so strong. Why?

You nodded, blinking back tears. You refused to cry. "I'll get you some ice. Go lay on my bed."

You barely looked at JJ in the face as you left the bathroom to go get ice. This was too much for you, and it seemed like another normal Saturday night for JJ. You couldn't decide whether to feel so bad for him or angry that he wasn't letting you cry. You knew he was holding back tears, just like you, but he resented that you wanted to cry. You knew you weren't strong like JJ. All this time, all those beatings, and you would've cracked. You would've ran away or worse, but JJ kept going back. That night, your opinion of JJ changed. 

The rest of the night consisted of you icing JJ's side and not speaking. You tried to get him to talk but he refused. You started with asking him about why his dad was doing this and for how long but he wouldn't answer you. Then you asked what had happened this time but he didn't want to talk about it. He complained he was tired and just wanted to sleep. You knew this was breaking a rule, but you cuddled beside him, laying your head in his chest to hear his heartbeat. He seemed way more calm when you were beside him.

Finally, after an hour of trying to get him to talk, you spoke for the last time. "Why'd you come to me?"

JJ shrugged one of his shoulders, the other one not moving because it was under your body. "I trust you."

You were shocked but too tired to say anything. You just laid there with him, hoping that you helped take some of the pain away. You hoped you had made some type of difference but you knew that with JJ, you were never sure.

After that night, things were different. JJ started calling you less and less and when you called him, he started making up more excuses. Sometimes you both went a week without speaking to each other and then he blamed it on how busy he was. You rarely hooked up, and when you did, it felt different. There was way more kissing and the kissing was more passionate and longer. Before, you had raced to take your clothes off and now, you let JJ make the first move. You felt different and at first, you thought it was because you felt closer to JJ. He had come to you in a time of need and you now were considered friends. That's why you thought it felt different. But then, JJ started acting very differently and you knew it wasn't just you. He would stay with you afterwards. He used to get dressed before you had time to catch your breath but now, he lingered on your bed and near you. You knew he wanted to stay the night but didn't know how to ask. And you were scared to tell him to stay. You didn't want to scare him. 

JJ was not the relationship type of guy but that's basically what you were. You had stopped sleeping with anyone else entirely after that night and focused solely on thinking of JJ. You knew what a crush felt like and you knew that you were developing feelings for JJ. But, it was so hard for you to know if he felt the same way. Sometimes, you were sure he felt the same way. There were days where he couldn't keep his hands off you and was so passionate you couldn't stop smiling. Then there were other days where he wouldn't text you back and didn't answer your calls. You weren't sure if he was sleeping with other girls but you didn't want to ask. If he was, you knew it would hurt you. 

Three days before the incident, JJ was having one of those days where he wasn't talking to you. You had texted him to ask him if he was going to Kie's party tonight but he only read it and didn't respond. You had just seen each other the night before and he was so loving and passionate that you thought for sure he felt the same. He had even stayed to cuddle afterward and talk to you about his day. You were smiling and laughing with each other and you were starting to feel like a real couple. Now, he wasn't responding to a simple question you asked. You felt so defeated. You couldn't tell what he was feeling and you felt like you were being strung along. You wanted to sit down and talk to him but you knew JJ and he didn't like that type of stuff. For JJ to even say he was happy was a lot since he rarely talked about his emotions. 

That day, you felt used. You knew he was playing you. You convinced yourself, in that moment, that if he likes you he would've already told you. You convinced yourself he didn't like you. You told yourself, if he came to Kie's party, you would ignore him all night and talk to some other guy. There was no reason to wait around for someone who didn't appreciate you. 

So, as you got ready for Kie's party, you turned off your phone. If he was gonna try to call or text you, you would make sure you couldn't see it. It would be way too tempting to keep your phone open. As you buttoned your shorts, you continued to tell yourself that this was for your own good. There's no point in being with someone who couldn't even decide if they liked you or not.

When you got to Kie's party, you instantly looked for alcohol. If you wanted to distract yourself, alcohol was your best option right now. You were halfway done with your second cup when Kie found you. 

"Hey honey." She said, slowly taking the drink out of your hands. You fought her grasp for a second but when she started to glare at you, you let the cup go.

You plastered on a fake smile. "Hi Kie."

She threw out the remainder of your drink before hugging you tightly. "You're gonna need to be sober tonight."

You frowned, your brain already a bit foggy. "Why?"

Kie let go of you, glancing at the beach for a moment before looking back at you. "Rafe is here." 

You wanted to gasp, but it came out more as a hiccup. Unfortunately, Rafe was your ex. You were together for a year before he cheated on you with someone else. You and Rafe had many great memories together but they were all tainted by the fact that he had cheated on you. Kie had told you from the beginning that a Pogue and a Kook dating was not a good idea but you were dumb and did it anyways. The good thing about Kie is that she never said I told you so. She just hugged you until you stopped crying. Now, you had to face Rafe for the first time since you broke up months ago. 

Surprisingly, you reacted normally. You shrugged, looking behind you to John B., who was handling the keg. "JB! Can ya get me another cup?"

John B. looked over to Kie, who was glaring at him. John B. knew not to mess with Kie. He then looked back to you and shook his head. "Sorry."

You frowned, glaring at Kie. "Seriously?"

Kie just smirked. "You need to be on your best behavior."

You shrugged, a devilish idea popping onto your mind. "I will."

Kie frowned. "I know that look."

You smiled, the idea in your head about to turn into a reality. "Step aside."

Kie shook her head but you were quick to push her away and walk ahead of her, straight in the direction of Rafe. Kie followed behind you, pleading for you not to talk to him. You had never resolved your problems with Rafe and you knew that was something he wanted to do. So, in an effort to get a rise out of JJ, you were gonna talk to Rafe. You knew he was somewhere at this party and if he saw you and his nemesis speaking again, you hoped he would cause a scene. It was a shitty thing to do but it was the only way to know how JJ truly felt about you.

Once you got closer to the ocean, you spotted Rafe. He was sipping on a red cup, probably filled with beer, as he talked to Topper. When he saw you, he almost spit out his drink. You locked eyes for a moment before Kie stepped in front of you, blocking your view of him. 

"No way. He cheated Y/N." Kie said, grabbing a hold of your hand.

You nodded. "I know."

Kie had a confused look on her face. "Then why talk to him?"

You looked over her shoulder and started to watch as Rafe made his way over to you. "Because of JJ."

Kie looked even more confused for a moment but then caught on. She had only suspected that there was something going on between the two of you but had no proof. Your omission right there was enough proof.

"Don't do this." Kie argued again, trying to convince you that this entire situation was a bad idea. She had seen what a jealous JJ was capable of and she knew if he felt even some feelings for you, this would not end well.

"If JJ can't admit his feelings towards me, I'll just talk to someone you will." You said to Kie, finally looking away from her one last time. 

Right behind Kie stood Rafe. The red cup in his hand before was now gone and he was smiling at you. He had come tonight knowing you'd probably be here. He knew he had made a mistake and was willing to fix it between the two of you. You were always such a good girlfriend and he missed hanging out with you. He hoped you were open to fixing things too.

"Hey." Rafe said, causing Kie to turn around. She took one look at Rafe and rolled her eyes before looking back at you. You smiled at her and she sighed, walking away. Kie was done. If this is what you wanted, there was no way to stop you.

"Hi Rafe." You giggled, twirling your hair around your finger. You needed to be extra flirty with Rafe. The more you acted like you still liked him, you hoped the more upset JJ would be.

"I wanted to talk to you. I hoped we could talk about what happened." He said, stepping closer to you.

You nodded, holding back a gag. Truth be told, there was nothing on this earth that could make you like Rafe again. "Sure."

"I just wanna say how fucking sorry I am." Rafe began, grabbing your hand. You wanted to flinch but you didn't. "I was such a fool and I realize that now. I want you back Y/N."

You smiled, pretending to be happy with what he was saying. To be honest, you wanted to gag. The boy had cheated on you for half of your relationship with a girl that, as far as you knew, he was still seeing. There was no way in hell you would ever take him back. He didn't have to know that. You felt like it was justice now. Maybe Rafe was getting what he deserved.

Before you could speak and tell Rafe you were willing to give him a chance, you felt two hands on your arm. The hands grabbed where Rafe was holding your arm and ripped you both away. You recognized the person immediately. It was JJ, and he was fuming. He barely even looked at you as he made his way to stand in front of you, standing in between you and Rafe.

JJ turned to you, his brows furrowed and his jaw set. "What the hell are you doing?"

You rolled your eyes. "Just talking to Rafe."

Rafe moved from behind JJ to beside him. He grabbed a hold of JJ's shoulder and tried to move him. JJ didn't budge, still glaring at you. You knew it was working. Finally, you had some type of answer. JJ had unresolved feelings for you. Now, he just had to admit it.

"Why?" JJ questioned, glaring at Rafe for a moment before looking to you again. Although he was mad, you could tell his expression softened when he looked at you.

Before you could speak, Rafe grabbed a hold of JJ's shoulders and pushed him away from me. Then, Rafe spoke. "We're trying to work shit out."

JJ moved out of the way but only enough for Rafe to squeeze forward. You kept your eyes on JJ, who was now beyond confused. Rafe was speaking to you again but you tuned him out and watched as JJ tried to figure out why the hell you would want to work things out with Rafe. Finally, it seemed to click. When it did, JJ grabbed your hand and pulled you away from Rafe. Your hand felt as if it was on fire and you wanted to smile so badly but you kept the frown on your face. Rafe tried to follow you but JJ stood in front of him so your eyes were only on JJ's now.

As you looked into his eyes, he grabbed a hold of your shoulders and brought you close to him. "If you want to know how I feel, just ask me."

Rafe spoke up now. "What the fuck are you -"

"Rafe!" You spoke up, glaring at Rafe for a moment. You tore your gaze away from JJ for a moment only to finally give Rafe a piece of your mind. "I'd only get back together with you if we were the last two people on earth, and maybe not even then."

Rafe was taken aback. He had definitely not thought you were going to act so rude but you could care less. "JJ..." Rafe began to say but JJ ignored him. You didn't know why Rafe was so confused by JJ's reaction but you didn't care. JJ was about to tell you how he felt and that was all that mattered.

There was nothing for Rafe to say to make you like him and he knew it. So, with that, he turned and left. Finally, your eyes were back on JJ. 

"You have to tell me." You said, crossing your arms over your chest.

JJ smirked, cupping your face in his hands. "You have to ask me."

You rolled your eyes. "How do you feel?"

JJ smiled this time, pulling you closer. "I like you Y/N. A lot."

You smiled back, wanting to scream for joy. Finally, there was no more confusion. "I like you too. A lot."

Finally, the two of you kissed. There was no more confusion or lies. It was just you and JJ, kissing. This kiss was different. It was full of promises. You liked each other, for real now, and you were not afraid to admit it. This is what it felt like to kiss someone you liked you, wholeheartedly. Someone who wanted you. Someone who cared. It had been so long since you had kissed someone who had cared about you.

That weekend before the incident, was probably the best weekend of your life. It was just you and JJ the entire weekend. The first two days were spent at your house. You just stayed together, half naked, talking and laughing and watching tv. There was no drama or confusion. It was just you and him. The kisses felt so real. The feelings felt so good. You felt a little more whole. You felt as though JJ felt the same. Those two days at your house were not only passionate but they were also a time where you got to know one another. This entire time, the both of you didn't know much about each other. Those two days in your house were spent getting to know each other. You learned that JJ loved fixing cars and wanted to own a hot tub one day. You knew his favourite colour and his favourite sport. And finally he opened up about his dad. When the abuse began, when it got worse and even what instigated his father that night he came to your house. You didn't cry and neither did he. You just soaked in his words and let him say his peace before comforting. JJ had opened up to you more in those two days than he had since he met you. You knew why. It was because you finally were a couple and he finally could be honest with someone. To JJ, it was the best feeling in the world. But, even as he spoke to you, he knew he was lying between his teeth.

The third day, you both had been at JJ's house. His dad had gone south for the weekend to gamble so you and JJ decided to get some fresh air and stay in his backyard for the day. There was only one lawn chair in his backyard but you both made it work. JJ sat down on it as you sat on his lap and cuddled onto him. For a couple of hours, you just laid there with him, talking at different times about everything. You felt so free now and you believed JJ felt the same. You knew it was because everything was out in the open. Everything had been said and anything that hadn't was still being developed. Even if it was just you and JJ laying on a chair, you still felt excited. You were with JJ and not scared anymore. You knew how he felt and it just felt so good to be wanted. It had felt like it had been a lifetime since you felt wanted.

When the sun finally set, you knew you had to say goodbye. Your parents were probably worried for you and JJ's dad would be back the next morning. The weekend was coming to an end and you were so upset. You and JJ had been in this bubble the entire weekend and you didn't want to break it. It was so hard to say goodbye. It took you and JJ ten minutes to say goodbye. You made plans to see each other tomorrow but it still felt like such a long time. You stood on JJ's front lawn for ten minutes, kissing and hugging each other until you were the first to pull away. You knew if you didn't get home soon, your parents would ground you.

"I gotta go." You whined as JJ kissed you again. 

He wasn't letting you go. "No."

You pried away from his grip. You didn't want to leave. Being with JJ always made you feel better, even more so now. "I gotta. I'll see you tomorrow."

Finally, JJ lets you leave. With one last kiss, you turn away from him and walk away. As you walk down JJ's block, there's an evident smile on your face. You probably look like a crazy woman to the neighbours but you could care less. It had been a long road, through so much confusion, but you finally were with JJ.

You thought back to the time when you first met JJ. You had promised him it was a one time thing and you knew it was a lie. It felt like years ago when you first met him when in reality, it had only been a couple of months. You pictured his face the first time you met him. He had the devilish smirk on his face and his pupils were dilated. You remembered how you felt, and it didn't compare to how you felt now. You had never felt this strong about someone in ages and it felt so good to be appreciated. You had known that night, whether you'd admit it or not, that JJ was going to change your life. You had texted Kie that night and told her -

Your phone. 

As you made your way onto the steps of your house, you remembered you forgot your phone at JJ's house. Dammit. You sighed and opened your front door, hoping your parents would let you go back quickly to get it.

Thankfully, your parents were sitting in your living room when you entered your house. They greeted you quietly but you told them you can't stay because they remembered you forgot your phone at Kie's house. You had told them you were at Kie's house and of course, they believed you. Your dad warned you to be quick and soon and you promised that you would. You were out the door and down your steps before your parents had time to warn you again. 

Although it was inconvenient to walk all the way back to JJ's house, you couldn't help but smile. Not only would it be a cute surprise but you also wanted to see JJ again. You had missed him already. 

You raced back to JJ's house and made it in ten minutes, cutting your travel time in half. You were desperate to see him again, even if it was only for five minutes. Your excitement died down once you saw JJ's house. 

The first thing you noticed that was out of place was that there was a BMW in JJ's driveway. JJ didn't have a car, let alone a BMW. That was something a Kook had. You looked at the license plate and it seemed familiar but you couldn't place it. As you passed the car, you slowed down. Something about this car made your body go cold, even on a hot summer night like this. Your gut was telling you something, but you didn't want to believe it. 

You somehow knew that you had to be quiet. As you made your way up the steps of JJ's house, you tiptoed towards the door. The closer you got, the more you realized that the door was slightly open, a glimmer of light from the house spilling into the darkness of night. You leaned forward, peeking through the slightly ajar door, hoping to get a glimpse of what was going on.

"Don't!" You heard JJ yell, his figure coming into the limited space you could see. He was yelling at someone that you couldn't see.

"Why? Because you know she'll hate you?" The voice made you gasp softly. You knew who it was. It was Rafe. It was Rafe's car that was in the driveway. Why was he here? And who were they talking about?

"Shut your fucking mouth!" JJ seethed, grabbing ahold of Rafe's collar and finally pulling him into your eyesight. 

Rafe pushed JJ off of him, shoving him into the wall. You wanted to scream but you knew if you did, you'd never find out what they were talking about. "If you don't tell her, I will."

JJ looked so defeated. You wanted to reach out to him. "Please don't. I love her."

You knew who they were talking about now. It was you. JJ had done something only Rafe knew about. It was something he knew you'd hate him for. What could he have done?

Rafe played with his keys in his hand. "I paid you to go out with her only for you to break her heart. So she'd come back to me. What was so fucking hard about that? Not my fault you love her. I want my money back."

Rafe paid him? No. You couldn't believe it. Wouldn't. Everything felt so real. JJ's feelings felt real. You knew it was too good to be true. Even before he approached you for the first time, you had a feeling he would never like you. When he showed interest, you were surprised. When he approached you the second time, you were even more surprised. It all made sense now. Why was JJ so reluctant to like you, why he pulled you away from Rafe when you were trying to talk to him at Kie's party. He was playing you. But it all felt so real.

You must've gasped really loud because JJ and Rafe heard you from inside. JJ had swung the door open, scared to see who was on the other side. He knew if it was you, it would be over for him. When he saw you, crying, he realized what he had done.

When you saw JJ reach out for you, you moved away. He disgusted you. How could he? How could Rafe? Granted, Rafe was an asshole but at least he wore it on his sleeve. JJ had tricked you. And you could never forgive him. You backed away from both JJ and Rafe, slowly moving down JJ's steps.

"Y/N..." JJ began, following you down the steps. Rafe just watched behind JJ, clearly enjoying the misery he caused.

"Get away from me." You seethed, tears rolling down your face so fast. God, you felt sick. You felt so nauseous. Everything was a lie. 

"I'm so sorry." JJ frowned, tears in his eyes. He seemed to shrink down as he walked towards you. The closer he walked though, the farther you walked. 

"You liar!" You screeched, your voice raspy. You could barely breathe. It hurt so much.

JJ shook his head, his arms out towards you. "No, no. I love you Y/N."

You shook your head, wrapping your hands around your body, hugging yourself. You closed your eyes for a moment and stopped walking. This couldn't be real. You didn't want it to be real.

You felt JJ come closer to you, finally wrapping his arms around you. You let him embrace you, even if you didn't hug him back. This was the last time he would touch you. The last time he'd hurt you. God, you had been so stupid.

The hug only lasted ten seconds because the second you collected yourself, you pushed him away. He looked so hurt, tears running down his face. You wanted to hug him, you still had feelings for him, but you knew you couldn't. He betrayed you. He lied to you. 

"You're a liar." You said coldly, finally turning around and running away. 

You ran and ran and ran. Away from JJ's house and away from Rafe. Away from everything that you once loved. You didn't even stop to catch your breath, your mind wouldn't let you. You believed that maybe if you ran far enough, you wouldn't be in so much pain. You wanted to run away from all your problems.

You made it to your house in record time. By the time you entered your home, your parents were gone. They left a note on your bed saying that they went out for the night and would be back by midnight. You didn't care. You used to care. You used to leave you but it seemed as if everyone was leaving you recently. 

You curled up into a ball on your bed and closed your eyes. Once your eyes were closed, you blocked the images of JJ that flooded your mind. You remembered you hadn't gotten your phone but you didn't care. You just wanted to sleep. You cried so much your chest was starting to hurt and you knew the only way for all of this to stop, was for you to rest your body and mind. It was easy for you to fall asleep. Your eyelids were already droopy from all the crying that it only took a couple of minutes for you to fall asleep. Once you did, you slept the entire night. You started to dream about JJ, but you stopped yourself. Your brain wasn't ready for that yet. You needed time.

And this is where you were now. You hadn't talked to JJ in two days. Kie had come by to drop your phone off and she tried to comfort you but you didn't speak. It was hard to comfort someone who didn't want to be comforted. You felt so empty. You felt stupid too. You had been so eager to trust JJ, even when Rafe had betrayed your trust already. But you were a good person. You guessed this was your punishment. 

When Kie couldn't comfort you, John B. had tried to come over. At first, you didn't want to let him in, but with some coaxing, you finally opened your door to him.

You wanted to ask how JJ was but you told yourself you shouldn't care anymore. He wasn't yours anymore. He never was.

John B., tired of the silence, was the first to speak. "JJ is a wreck."

This got your attention. You had hoped he was. So were you. You didn't say anything to John B. when he said this, just nodded solemnly. 

"I've never seen him like this. He's really sorry." John B. said, sitting down beside you.

You scowled. "Did you only come here to make me feel shitty? JJ lied to me. He betrayed me. I could care less if he was dying."

John B. didn't even react to what you were saying, almost as if he knew you were going to say that. "Yeah. I know. I wanted to come to see how you were doing, but I'd be lying if I said JJ didn't want me to come to see how you were doing."

You looked at John B., the scowl replaced with a frown. "If he wants to talk to me, he can come here himself." You didn't want him to, but you knew the only way to end this was to tell JJ yourself. 

John B. nodded. "When can he meet you then?"

You had decided with John B. that you were going to meet JJ at the beach, where you first met. You guessed it was only fitting. You had gotten ready a couple hours before you were set to meet with him. You wanted to look a bit presentable, only to show JJ that you looked better than he did. Even if it was not true, you wanted to appear like you moved on. You put on some makeup and changed into a new tank top with black shorts, praying to God that you looked a little better than you were. You wanted to appear as if you had healed, even if you hadn't. 

Waiting on the beach was absolute torture. You had been ten minutes early which was your fault entirely. You wanted to have some control over the situation, even though you knew you weren't in control. As you waited, you began to feel yourself start to cry. You couldn't believe how much everything changed. Only days ago you and JJ were together and happy, and now you could barely think about him without crying. Everything has gone so messed up. Although you desperately wanted to go back to the time where you two were still together, you knew that you couldn't do that. You had the truth now and as much as those old memories were good, you didn't want to forget the truth. You would come here with only one purpose. You needed to end things with JJ completely.

JJ was late by three minutes. You wanted to be upset but you know why he was late. You knew he wanted to prolong this conversation because he knew why you wanted to talk to him. You were here to end things for good and JJ didn't want that. By the time he finally arrived on the beach, he prepared himself. You were doing the same. 

Once he was close enough, you spoke first. "Hello." You were cold as you spoke, almost as if you were talking to a stranger.

JJ knew he deserved this kind of behaviour from you but it still hurt him deeply. With every ounce of being he had in him, he replied. "Hi." 

"I think you know why I want to talk to you." You said, the coldness in your voice still evident. You are afraid that if he even showed a small hint of emotion, you would break down and start crying all over again. 

JJ nodded, tears in his eyes. He knew how stupid he was. When Rafe had come up to him before the beach party, he had been planning to take this other girl named Lacey out but he had offered JJ $2,000 just to break some girl's heart. JJ did that shit for free and to get money for it oh, it seemed like a deal. He slept with you once and although he felt something, he ignored it. He got his money but Rafe was still unhappy because you hadn't reached out to him yet. So Rafe told JJ to hook up with you a second time but this time JJ didn't ask for any money. It felt wrong in JJ's eyes. He actually had a good time with you. You were a good person and it felt wrong. But he liked you enough to continue sleeping with you. Not for Rafe, before himself. After that night where you patch him up, he knew he couldn't deny his feelings for you anymore. He went back and forth in his mind, debating whether he should pursue things with you or not. You had made it clear many times that you felt something for him and although he felt something for you, there was a little voice in his head telling him that what he was doing screwed up because he hadn't liked you at first. There were so many times where he wanted to tell you but he didn't want to ruin anything because for the first time he actually ever felt happy with someone. Then he ruined everything. And now you never want to speak to him again.

JJ wanted to explain everything to you in detail and try to make you understand the situation that he was put in. There was no point though. He still had done a screwed-up thing to you and he didn't deserve you. 

"After tonight, I never want to talk to you again." You said plainly, crossing your arms over your chest. The sun was setting soon and you knew you should be getting home. But you needed one more thing from JJ. "Why'd you do it?"

JJ had been looking at his feet the entire time but when you said this he finally made eye contact with you. "Do what?"

You let a tear slide down your cheek and you watched as JJ frowned even more. "Why did you just break my heart like Rafe wanted? Why did you string me along?"

JJ sighed, looking at the ocean before getting the courage to look at you. He had hurt you beyond repair. He knew that there was nothing he could say, nothing he could do, to get you to forgive him. So he didn't sugar coat it. He just told you the truth.

"I could care less about you at first. I had seen you hanging out with Kie so many times before that first party and I thought you were cute but you were Kie's friend. Then race told me his plan and said he'd give me $2,000 if I could break your heart. I never cared about anyone. I was selfish. So at first, I did it. And it was easy. But you are so easy to love Y/N. You're kind and gentle. You didn't ask many questions when I came over to your house that night covered in cuts and bruises. You never pushed me to talk about my feelings because you knew that was not something that I was comfortable with. No one has done that. And I realized what I had been missing. But Rafe realized that you didn't love him anymore. He tried to get me to do it again and even offered more money but something told me not to do it." JJ took a moment to breathe, looking at the tears sliding down your face. He wondered what you were thinking. "It's so easy to be with you. I'm not easy to be around. I'm selfish and I'm cruel. I'm reckless. But you love me so much that you were patient. I know I should have told you. But it was so easy to be with you, that I didn't think I would be able to live without you. I'm sorry."

You didn't know how to react. This was the most JJ had ever expressed his feelings towards you. You'd be lying if you said you weren't surprised. You didn't know if it was enough though. You wondered if anything he did would be enough. 

When you didn't respond to him, JJ knew. It wasn't enough. He loved you and he said all those nice things, but it wasn't enough. He was a liar and he betrayed you too deeply for you to forgive him. He understood. He didn't blame you. He didn't say anything else. He doubted you wanted to hear his voice ever again. He made no sound as he turned away from you and left. As he walked to the boardwalk and passed the beach, he couldn't help but cry. Although he had cried before, this time he knew it was the end. It wasn't enough. 

You didn't know why JJ left. You are still trying to take in all those things that he said and by the time that you did, you realized that he was gone. You scanned the beach in the boardwalk and finally found him a hundred yards away. He didn't want to forgive him. You had come here tonight to make him hurt. You had come to end things completely. You had told yourself that no matter how much he pleaded, you were still going to walk away. But as much as you didn't want to admit it, you knew JJ and you knew when he was lying and when he wasn't. He wasn't lying now you knew he wasn't lying when you guys were together. He had screwed up. He had started a relationship with you for the wrong reasons. But he loved you. He loves you so much that he was willing to walk away if that made you happy. But you realized it didn't make you happy. And you wondered why you wanted to walk away in the first place. JJ had done all that terrible stuff before he knew you. And although it would take so much time for you to completely heal, you need JJ. So you ran after him.

"JJ!" You screamed, running closer and closer towards the boy you loved.

JJ stopped dead in his tracks. He thought his brain was playing tricks on him. But when you called for him the second time, he knew it was true. You had chased after him. You still wanted him. What had he done to deserve that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

When he turned around, he saw you run to him. His tears instantly stopped and a huge smile fell over his lips. You had still loved him. You had run such a long way and JJ felt bad so he ran to you, trying to close to distance faster. Once you were close enough to touch, JJ reached out for you. When you reached out for him, he grabbed ahold of you, pulling you into a big hug. You both stood there for a moment, trying to catch your breath as you hugged. JJ was smiling so wide. 

Once you caught your breath, you let go of JJ. You looked at him, his hands coming up cup your cheeks. He was smiling so wide and you felt yourself smiling too.

"You're easy to love too." 

JJ didn't say anything, just pulled you close for a kiss. When your lips touched, you felt whole again. It would take some time but you needed JJ. And he needed you.

"I love you." JJ said, smiling wide. 

You nodded, pulling him close. "I love you."

And you both weren't lying.

~

taglist: @jjmaybanxx @teamnick

#jj maybank #outer banks #jj obx #jj outer banks #obx fanfiction #obx #obx netflix #john b obx #john b outer banks #john b routledge #obx kiara #kiara carrera #kiara outer banks #pope obx #pope outer banks #pope heyward #obx rafe #jj x y/n #jj x reader

[bibbykins]

Hi happy new year to you babe!!! Hope you had a fun time celebrating the new year, cuz I can't lmao. I dunno if someone already asked you this or if this is a spoiler or something (you don't have to answer this btw). But if I may ask, (1) would there be a mafia fic soon? (no pressure tho, just curious). (2) is the obsession of the boys already at its peak or nah? and if nah, would we see how worse they can get? (3) (if this makes you uncomfortable, I am sorry and please ignore this) as someone who is self-aware that I have a very shitty coping mechanism, the household bunny really speak to me and it kinda is my comfort fic, I just wanna know how the boys would react if the mc just shut down? Like for me, it's hard to speak my thoughts out loud because I am self-aware how others might see my thoughts as me trying to gain sympathy or that I'm just making it worse than it actually is or that I might influence their way of thinking and make them think like how I think (which is not good), so yeah I wanna know how the boys deal with it. (4) would Jungyoon, the mc, and the boys be in the same room in some point in time? I really wanna make Jungyoon feel really uncomfortable lmao.

Sorry if I'm just dumping this here. Again, you don't need to answer any of this as this may be triggering, but thank you for writing really. It helps me.

Happy super late new year to you bb!! I will answer the questions as best as I can without spoiling!

1.) Yes... I hope. I have almost 9k of the next mafia one written... and they haven't even kissed yet lmao, so this one will be a doozy but I hope to get it out the moment I finish!

2.) I am assuming this question applies to the household boys (if i'm wrong pls tell me and I'll answer it again!) Buuuut I would say none of em have reached their peak, Jungkook might be the closest to it? But yes we will see how the closer they get to her, the more they realize how precious she is to them, and they're all insane (not as insane as the mafia boys but still) so that will translate into some yandere-ness, nothing too crazy ofc but still crazy lmao

3.) (I'm so glad my fic is a comfort fic, this is a huge compliment don't worry!) Also the coping mechanism I believe you're referring to is the "freeze" response? *pushes up glasses in psych bachelor's degree* i'm jk i know this bc i read a lot and went to therapy lmao But the guys would freak out, not at her or in front of her ofc. THe only ones who would understand what's going on would be Jin, Namjoon, and maaaaybe Hoseok. Jin is a doctor, so he had to have taken some psychology classes in school and Namjoon is an educated fellow who reads a lot. Namjoon would take the more direct approach of sitting next to her, not too close, and talking, asking her questions, but not getting irritated if she didn't respond right away, he gets that she'll respond if she's ready but he would ask questions like "What color do you think that flower is? I say it's more pink than purple, but I don't know?" as a (not-so-sly) means to ground her. Jin would probably ask if he could hold her and if she says yes, he'd hug her, maybe sway a bit, as he reassures her softly.

I could go on for days about the four f's in trauma responses, both as someone with CPTSD and someone who somehow got a degree in psychology, but I'll just let you know that dealing with life is hard, and not everyone is going to understand how you deal with it, but that doesn't make you any less brave for doing so! Whatever people project onto your neutral actions is not your problem, no matter how much they try to make you feel like it is!

4.) ...yes >:) I won't say when, but I greatly look forward to writing it/sharing it with y'all. His discomfort fuels me.

Also don't worry bb! It's lovely to use all my psych knowledge on something, makes the degree and books feel like a worthy investment! I'm no licensed professional by any means but I like helping in whatever quirky way I can! Thank you for being so wonderful and thank you for entrusting me with this ask!

#ask #the household bts

[chittsu]

college!au with Lucas

HARO EVLYONE!

it happened again. I did that. another college au is here and again, I hurt myself while writing this…… Lucas is so powerful, man… you’ll see how whipped I am below…

college!au; fluff c’mon it’s about this giant dork expect to sink in the feels sea; bulleted scenario; drinking game: take a shot every time you read the word ‘man’; 7161 words good lord thankfully it’s not over 9k or I’d be scared; LUCAS IS THE BEST BOY

summary: you might think that you have feelings for another boy, but when Lucas starts working with you, you quickly realize that you could be wrong about the perfect boy for you,,, or should I say,,, you are wong ;)

enjoy! :)

Lucas is popular at your university

he’s hard to miss with that height and that face and those muscles and this smile and that laugh

okay I think you get the point

he’s probably the most handsome guy on the campus and thanks to that, you can rarely see him without someone hanging on his neck

the fact that he’s a transfer student that can’t speak the language here too well is even better because - he speaks less = he seems more mysterious and that’s apparently what ladies like

on top of that, he’s just so positive? no one has ever seen this man sad or angry, he’s always smiling and talking to strangers as if they were his best friends 

he knows almost everyone and has lots of friends everywhere; whenever he appears on the campus he can’t go 5 meters without someone waving at him

or when he laughs loudly at Winwin’s joke, 20 people in the corridor laugh with him

he has some great achievements as a swimmer; he’s probably the most popular member of the uni’s swimming team thanks to all those fangirls dying to see him without his shirt on and with wet strands of his hair sticking to his forehead

he focuses mostly on the sport, as he got in this university thanks to a sport scholarship and he takes pride in it

and you’ve never expected yourself to interact with him but the moment he walks into your life (and steps on it but wait for that) is when he starts working with you

you’re a bartender at a club popular amongst students; you’ve been working there for a few months now and you feel pretty stable at this job

sometimes it’s hard to simultaneously study and work, but you need to earn money to pay your rent and be independent

the first time he shows up at work is already intense

he seems to walk in slow-motion, his bangs falling softly on his forehead before he pushes them back with his long fingers

he then waves at your manager and smiles at him, showing his perfect teeth

you stare at him but you can’t even blame yourself for that; this boy is glowing, everything about his is so eye-catching - it’s literally like a world-class actor came in

when his eyes land on you, your breath hitches

you start cleaning the bar eagerly because you should at least pretend to be working right

and that’s weird - you’re usually confident in yourself

but, I’ll say it again, Lucas is like a god so that’s fair

as every good k-drama goes, your manager tells you that the two of you will now work together and since you have more experience, you should help Lucas a lot at first

‘sounds like I just got promoted’

'I won’t pay you more if that’s what you’re thinking’

you force a smile and when he turns away from you to look at Lucas again, you roll your eyes HARD, earning an amused look from Lucas

after they talk about, what you suppose are some organization matters, Lucas joins you behind the bar

'I hope we will work together well’ he says, smiling at you confidently; you can imagine that he uses this smile as his weapon

'if you don’t change your clothes, I don’t think that’s possible’ you shrug, not giving him the reaction he usually gets

'y/n… behave please’

you roll your eyes at your boss again

'okay, follow me, I’ll show you where you can change’

you throw the cloth on the bar and go to the back of the club, not even checking if Lucas follows you; you show him his locker and give him the clothes he needs to wear and he even starts to take off his T-shirt before you leave the room like he doesn’t care

you RUN to the bar again and continue cleaning it; Lucas reappears pretty quickly wearing his bartender uniform; by that I mean, black buttoned shirt with black pants and a black apron

you can’t help but check him out when he finally meets you at the bar; the curves of his lips go up automatically like he knows that you know that he knows that he looks good

you love and hate that smugness of his; come on, with that face you’re pretty much prepared for him to be a jerk

you put on your best professional face

'so as you may know, I’m y/n. I’m supposed to teach you stuff but honestly, I don’t even know what I’m doing here so it might be difficult’

'sounds great’

’ … just, make the orders and keep the place clean. if there’s a problem-’

'then I’ll just smile and everything will be okay’

he shoots finger guns at you and you raise your eyebrows; he laughs loudly soon after, covering his mouth with his hand

'that might work tho’ you admit defeated

'on you?’ he asks eagerly, the spark in his eyes reminding you of a child getting Christmas presents; you’re about to discover that he always looks like this

'don’t even think about it but our boss seemed quite whipped if you ask me. NOW-…’

okay, let’s be real here

Lucas is kinda used to people throwing themselves at him wherever he goes; that’s the price he has to pay for being this attractive

and as much as he doesn’t want to take advantage of this, he’s quite self-confident

so when he finds out that he’ll be working with you, there’s this thought that this job might be easier than he expected; everyone would try to help him out as much as they can, right? which means, he wouldn’t need to try too hard

and he’s actually relieved to discover that it’s not the case with you

you don’t treat him like everyone else does

you jump right straight to the work, showing him some of the recipes and you actually expect him to do well; but luckily, he’s ambitious and he wants to be good at this job so he lets you see the focused and serious side of him

that makes you change your mind about him as well; you were expecting him to be lazy and not interested in this job unless it’s about flirting with the customers but you’re wrong about that

you start talking and you find out the reason for him taking this job

apparently, he doesn’t want to be a burden for his parents and wants to start living more independently; also, he has his hobbies and he wants to be able to spend his own money on them

you’re surprised at how hard he works on his first day; he obeys everything you say, he’s careful about the recipes and even though he might not be fast and making them yet, he tries to learn them by heart; also, it’s nice to have a strong colleague that lifts heavy boxes with so much ease

but well, the girls start to go insane very quickly

when they notice that he’s the bartender, you get a crazy amount of orders and it’s honestly one of the busiest nights you’ve ever worked on

Lucas sends multiple apologetic looks your way when he sees how fast you have to move because of him

he tries to keep up as much as he can, but the girls just keep on talking to him and ask him questions and there are just so many things he has to do at the same time that he feels like he’s going to go mad very soon

BUT in the midtime, your tip jar is getting fuller and fuller with every minute and it’s the first time you’ve seen something like this

and even if Lucas makes a mistake and gives a wrong drink to the wrong person, no one even cares

the relief you feel when you can finally change out of your uniform after the night = indescribable

you’ve just finished changing when Lucas comes into the staff room, the tip jar in his big hands; his eyes are bigger than usual and he’s not even smiling which you find incredibly disturbing

'hey, y/n… that was crazy, right’

'crazy? bro, I can’t feel my legs' 

'I know, I feel guilty about all of this so and I couldn’t even help you as much as I wanted to… so take this’

you eye the tip jar that he holds up your way, then his face again, then the tip jar again

'I can’t take this, we both worked for it’

'it’s not fair, I didn’t do as much as you’

'well, if you weren’t there I wouldn’t even get a single coin’

'just take this y/n, don’t make it harder’

'I’m NOT taking this’

'OKAY THEN, what do you think about that. let’s take the money and eat something really good together’

you furrow your eyebrows at him and your stomach growls with hunger as you couldn’t even go on a break because of the amount of work

'so it’s settled’ he smiles widely, putting the jar on the table before starting to unbutton his shirt

'okay but CAN YOU STOP UNDRESSING WHEN I’M IN THE SAME ROOM’

anyways, that evening you go to get the biggest pizza available because 1. Lucas eats A LOT 2. you eat a lot as well

and that’s the moment when you decide that you were completely wrong about Lucas; he’s such a fun guy to be with, talking with him is so easy and also dangerous because eating and laughing this hard at the same time is life-threatening

the first day of working with Lucas ends with both of you smiling brightly as you wave at each other before parting ways and you’re excited for more

what he likes the most about you is how unfiltered you are, how real and genuine you act with him compared to everyone else that pretends to be someone else just to catch his attention 

while you, you’re clumsy. weird. chaotic even.

he still remembers how hard he laughed at you when you slipped on the wet floor which you’d just washed

but he also remembers how hard YOU laughed then, you were unable to stand straight as your body kept shaking with laughter and he decided to come and help you up but guess what? he slipped too

and your boss found both of you laying on the wet floor, roaring with laughter 

that was probably the best icebreaker for you

ever since that unlucky incident, you find yourself smiling at Lucas more and more, even when he just asks you if you ran out of tequila

but he’s like that too; he can’t wipe the smile off his face and he constantly chuckles and giggles and whenever the two of you talk, you both radiate such positive energy

the moment Lucas shares his favourite memes with you is the moment you just know this friendship is real

when it’s one of those Tuesday shifts that you actually like since not many people visit the club then, you and Lucas can chill; usually, you either study or, well, look at memes

or watch something on netflix under the bar on Lucas’ phone since it’s as big as your laptop, sharing earphones casually; sometimes you just want to watch it peacefully but he keeps on pausing just to throw in some joke or comment that makes no sense but even then, his goofy face still makes you smile

he still flirts jokingly but you’re used to it

'can you take this outside Lu’

'okay but will you go out with me’

'I told you it doesn’t work with me’

'that’s why I like you’ and he shoots finger guns at you

he’s also extremely caring and protective; when you show up to work looking terrible as you haven’t slept in 2 days, he makes you go and take a nap in the staff room while he covers for you

or once, when an old man starts saying some nasty stuff to you, he just appears in front of you, blocking your view completely with his wide back and you’ve never seen him this serious

he stares at the guy dangerously and says 'I would like you to leave the club now sir’

and when the man argues and threatens to complain to the manager, Lucas just hits the bar with his fist so hard that the whole club shakes, making the man run away instantly

but when he turns to face you, his face is calm and bright again

'are you okay?’

he can be so cute also

you once find him studying something at work, under the bar and you’re like ! he’s ambitious

and since you know the topic pretty well, you offer help

you meet in the library and he randomly shouts EUREKA or AHA! when he understands something making everyone jop

and you’re like.. okay so that’s the last time we came here together

and when you meet in the corridor on campus, he waves like crazy your way, his face so so bright and so happy it almost gives you butterflies

sometimes, after you finish work, Lucas watches you disappear in a crowd wondering why you’re not attracted to him

it’s not that he wants you to; he likes this friendship and he finds you unique because of the way you act around him and whatever you two have is important to him

but he can’t help feeling slightly… disappointed?

there’s something Lucas doesn’t know about you yet

you have something going on with Jaehyun

and something is the essential word here

Jaehyun is known for being scared of commitment and for months you’ve been seeing each other without putting a label on it… but the situation exhausts you and makes you feel bad

you knew how he was yet still you developed feelings; how embarrassing is that, to get upset over a boy the way you do sometimes

you see him with other girls and you can’t do anything about it because, he’s not yours

you can go weeks without messaging each other, seeing each other and sometimes you even get used to your life when he’s not in it

but somehow, he always finds the moment when you’re ready to let him go and asks you to meet him

usually, it’s when no other naive girl wants to meet up with him

and somehow, you still fall into the trap

Lucas finds out about you and Jaehyun one time when he accidentally hears you talking

since Jaehyun is a member of a band that plays gigs at the club every weekend, Lucas never paid attention to how much time you actually spend talking to him - he thought it was natural, you knew each other well and worked at the same place

but he should have paid attention to how you talk with him

you just seem different whenever you’re near Jaehyun; you’re much calmer, much more graceful, either curling your hair on your finger or playing with the material of his jacket’s sleeve

so after Jaehyun leaves, Lucas approaches you with his eyebrows furrowed and you welcome him with a smile

'who was that’

’… Jaehyun, you know him’

'no, I mean that girl talking to him’

you lift your chin confused, your eyebrows furrowed now as well

’… I was the only one talking to him’

'that?? that wasn’t you, you didn’t snort even ONCE’

and then you, well, snort unwillingly and he just throws up his hands basically yelling 'SEE’

'come on Lu, don’t be dramatic. that’s what people do when they like someone’

'oh, pretend? I don’t do that’

you roll your eyes at him, finding the way he reacts a little exaggerated but you also don’t know how to deal with him when he’s like that

'well, not everyone’s perfect like you, Xuxi’

'listen, it’s not okay man. you’re a great person, you’re funny and smart. why would you pretend to be different? this guy doesn’t know it yet but he’s missing out man’

you blink a few times, your eyes not leaving his serious face; his chocolate eyes and pouty lips; the warmth that spreads in your body makes you feel a little uneasy and the only thing you can say now is 

’… bro’

he swallows suddenly and diverts his gaze towards the exit before it lands on you again; his perfect smile back on his face now

‘want me to drive you home after?’

'HELL YEAH but quick question, will we survive this?’

'just look at me’

and he turns around in, what seems like, slow motion and when your eyes meet again, his playful smile has already changed into his charming, lady-killer smile

'do I look dead to you’

'did I really have to check you out to make this judgement’

'that was a bonus’

and he winks

you hit his chest with your fist, which was a stupid idea because his chest is way harder than you expected it to be, earning a laugh from him

he doesn’t know it yet, but what he said really moved you; you just suck at expressing your gratitude 

anyways, after work you stand together in front of the exit, watching his big, black motorcycle 

he zips up his leather jacket, his face so smug and so confident that you almost want to push him; he side-eyes you, the longer strands of his black hair meeting his forehead, giving him some retro charm

'you’re not scared, are you?’

'me? scared? very unlikely’

'I was just judging by the way you’re squeezing your purse now’

your knuckles are white now and your ears are starting to get red; you press your lips into a straight line from embarrassment and Lucas, again, chuckles

he offers you the helmet, his voice calmer and deeper when he speaks

'I’ll drive slowly. don’t worry, you’re safe with me’

you look up at him, your eyes reflecting the street lights and Lucas’ smile fades; he clears his throat before putting the helmet on your head, a little too suddenly

before you can put it on properly, Lucas is already sitting on the motorcycle; he pats the place behind him

'Lucas, if we end up dead, I’LL KILL YOU’

he shakes with laughter and your face brightens proudly; you sit just behind him, letting your hands wrap around his waist… in a completely friendly, don’t-want-to-get-killed way

'hold on tight, m'lady’

Lucas adds so much excitement to your life; you never expected yourself to be excited to go to work as you do recently or to watch bad movies just to make fun of them with him

and look at you know, you’re riding a motorcycle with him; your cheek pressed to his back, your hair blowing in the wind, with the stupidest grin on your face, doing something you’ve never thought you’d do

Lucas enjoys it as much as you do; the smile is playing on his lips whenever he feels your hands grabbing on the material of his leather jacket

it almost ends too quickly for you

'we’re here ma'am’

'what? already?’

'oh, look at you! weren’t you pissing your pants before?’

you slap his back jokingly before focusing on taking off your helmet; he watches you above his arm and your gaze stops on his side profile for a little too long

'thanks for not getting us killed’ you say, your feet finally landing on the ground 'be careful on your way home’

he waves at you, his lips spreading in a big, warm smile and he watches you until he’s sure that you made it to your block safely

because you’re so focused on Lucas, you almost forget about Jaehyun; he hasn’t messaged you in some time and when he shows up at the bar, you’re either busy with work or talking to Lucas and you don’t even know that it irks Jaehyun a lot

one Saturday, he comes up to your bar, leaving the rest of his bandmates at their usual table; the way he looks at you makes you nervous already, but since Lucas is at the back of the club, you have to serve him

'what can I get for you?’

'are you and Lucas a thing now?’

you smirk, grabbing a glass to clean it; his eyes are so intense you can’t look into them

'why, does it bother you?’

'of course it bothers me, the girl I’ve been seeing is constantly with another guy now’

'so that’s the problem? I’m the problem here? we’re not even a couple Jaehyun, and you’re the reason for it’

'well, I guess you don’t even care about it now that you have Lucas, huh?’

'and it’s you telling me that? you meet a different girl every week’

'well, at least I change them and Lucas? he’s always around you, it’s been like that for months now and it makes me look like an idiot’

'are you for real now? are you drunk?’

'it’s not something you should care about anymore, y/n’

and he pushes his body off the bar and joins his bandmates again with long, angry strides; only after he’s out of your sight, you let your body shake with the emotions and nerves

'Y/N DID YOU SEE WE HAVE A MOUSE NO- wait’

Lucas stumbles into the club but stops abruptly, seeing you dead serious like this; his whole face falls and he appears next to you in no time, his hands rubbing your shoulders to calm you down

'hey hey hey, what’s wrong?’

'I… I need to go outside for a bit, okay?’

he just nods his face but his lips become pouty which expresses how worried he is about you now; he looks around, trying to find a sign of what could have happened and when his eyes meet Jaehyun’s, he knows

he takes off his apron and leaves it at the bar, making his way to Jaehyun; he seems unstoppable

'oh, there he is. how is it going with y/n?’ Jaehyun asks, sitting more comfortably in his seat

'listen’ Lucas starts, his voice so dark that Jaehyun stops smirking immediately 'be careful around her, she doesn’t deserve your shit. if I see her hurt one more time because of you, we’ll have a big problem here’

and not giving him the time to respond, Lucas goes back to work

he can sense that you don’t want to talk about it, so when you come back to the club, he changes the topic and keeps you distracted

only when you’re cleaning the bar as the last task of that night, he says 'you know what, let’s go to a party! Yuta is throwing one on Friday’

'bro, I’m not invited’

'because he knew you’d come with me’ he shrugs, sending you one of the winks that you roll your eyes at

you sigh, cleaning the bar quicker now 'I don’t think I want to go’

'I checked my sources, he who shall not be named won’t be there’

your eyes travel to his completely calm and unfazed face; his eyebrows quirk up as if he’s asking what’s wrong

'did you really ask around for that’

'yeah’

he just shrugs, as it’s a normal thing but you’re once again overwhelmed with his caring nature and you have the urge to hug him now that you resist

'bad news tho, we’re working on Friday’

he puts his hand out in front of your face and smirk, before pointing at himself

'fear not m'lady, this face will get you anything’

and you just, scrunch your whole face from the cheesiness and reach to his cheek, squeezing it like he’s a baby

however, he was right

it’s a miracle but he manages to convince your boss to give you a day off and even if you don’t want to, you just have to go to the party now

Lucas feels responsible for you and he even picks you up from your apartment and drives you there

he tries to spend as much time with you as he can, but you get reminded of how popular he is and how many friends he has; every time he finds you and chats with you, there’s someone dragging him away from you

and usually it’s a girl trying to get him to dance with him; he’s too nice to decline most of the time, but even when he’s dancing with someone else, his eyes always find you

you stick to your group of friends but something’s wrong with your mood today; you just watch all of the couples - like Taeyong with his girlfriend slow-dancing to an upbeat song like nothing matters, their eyes not leaving each other for even a second - or especially your best friend with Taeil who you used to have a big crush on before, and your mind seems blocked 

you spend most of the time with Hyuck and his date and they’re so fun to be with, you’re laughing a lot whenever you with them but you just have to leave them alone when you see how Hyuck looks at her as if he wants to kiss her so badly

you find your oasis in the bathroom

sitting in the bathtub with the door closed never seemed so relaxing; you take a few deep breaths and check your phone, finding no new messages but you look at cute dog pics so it’s fine

then, you see Lucas’ name on the screen; he’s asking where you are so you tell him

he joins you in the bathroom soon; he locks the door after coming in, and he takes in your current state; you also take in how handsome he looks with his dark hair pushed back with gel and his shirt fitting his body perfectly

'did you drink a lot? why are you hiding here?’

'no, I guess I’m just not in the mood for a party’

he exhales, letting his body rest on the edge of the bathtub

'sorry, I shouldn’t have made you come here if you didn’t want to’

'no Lu, it’s fine. the idea was great, it’s just that there’s something wrong with me apparently’

'what do you mean?’

you catch his gaze and you sigh, feeling stupid immediately; you prop your head on your head

 'is it… because of him?’

'I don’t know anymore. the worst thing is that I knew it was gonna be like that with him and yet I still went with it’

'why?’

'I guess I just wanted to feel how it is to be loved without getting too serious, too real. it’s scary’

'you deserve to be loved for real, y/n’

he falls silent, turning his gaze away from you to be able to think straight; you watch his side profile closely, your eyes taking in every inch of his skin

'why don’t you have anyone tho? there are queues asking for your number in the club every night’

'I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m childish’

your forehead wrinkles, your gaze getting so intense that Lucas senses the way you look at him and returns the look

'yes, you’re goofy and childish sometimes but you’re so much more than that, Lu. you’re so positive, warm, caring and smart. you make me smile so much, do you even realize that?’

you watch his Adam’s apple moving when he gulps, his lips parting when he comes up with the response

'would you date me then?’

the atmosphere is so intense that for a moment there, you think he’s actually genuine about it; after a while, you let yourself smirk

'bro why do you keep asking this joke is getting old’

'I’m just waiting for you to change your answer’

you’re almost unable to hear this as someone starts knocking on the door loudly and screaming to open up

but you do hear it

Lucas takes your hand in his to help you up from the bathtub

when you’re out of the bathroom, you go straight to the kitchen to grab a drink, not expecting to see Jaehyun there

but for some reason, your heart doesn’t jump in your chest at his sight

he eyes Lucas who’s standing behind you; the corner of his lips lifts up in an ironic smile

'can I see you alone y/n, or are you dragging him with you everywhere nowadays?’

'don’t start, Jaehyun’

you’re surprised to see Lucas this tense; it’s like he’s sending daggers Jaehyun’s way and Jaehyun doesn’t back out in that battle as well

he comes closer to Lucas and looks him in the eyes

'isn’t it difficult to like someone who doesn’t like you back? you must be hurt whenever you see y/n with me, huh?’

and Lucas can’t take this anymore

he pushes Jaehyun powerfully; his body lands on the kitchen counter and before you can apprehend the situation, Lucas punches Jaehyun and they start fighting right before your eyes

thanks to Johnny and Yuta, you’re able to pull them away from each other but their fierce gazes and shaky breaths imply that they might jump to each other throats anytime again

you put your hand on Lucas’ shoulder to get his attention; he rips his gaze off Jaehyun just to see your big eyes and his body melts

you take in the sight of his face expression changing so quickly when he meets your eyes; something in your chest rises when you see his lip bleeding

'let’s go, okay?’

you apologize to Yuta and everyone who witnessed this before going out of the house with Lucas right behind you

‘y/n, I’m sorry, they said he wouldn’t be there and-’

you stop next to his motorcycle and he halts too

'why did you fight with him? are you really this dumb Lucas? you could have pulled a muscle, what about your competition next week?’

you don’t notice the way his face softens immediately

'is it really something you worry about? aren’t you curious if he’s okay?’

you just let out a big sigh before bringing you fingers to the blood on his lips; he hisses with pain

but when he looks down on you, the both of you freeze; your index finger brushes against the skin on his cheek, and you don’t even realize it; his face moves towards your palm, wanting to feel your warmth and he doesn’t realize it as well

you take your hand away from him

'can you… take me home?’

the next time you meet at work, it’s another busy night for you two and you forget about everything that happened on the party because,, there’s just,, so,, much,, to do

well, you don’t exactly forget about what happened - it just seems like both of you ignore it

around 3 AM, it finally starts to get a bit calmer and you’re even able to go to the bathroom

you leave your phone on the bar and excuse yourself

and Lucas really doesn’t want to do it, but when you get a text, his eyes travel to your phone automatically

and when he sees Jaehyun’s name there, he takes the phone in his hands

he can’t believe his eyes, seeing how Jaehyun wants you to meet him again

he’s about to throw a fit, he wants to go out and find Jaehyun and punch him again right now but then

'what do you think you’re doing’

Lucas turns around quickly, exposing himself with your phone in his hand; you furrow your eyebrows, he gulps

'I’m sorry, it’s not like that, I just-’

you snatch your phone from his hand; your gaze stays focused on the words that Jaehyun sent and you don’t move

'y/n, I’m sorry. I just have enough of this dude and I don’t want you involved with him’

'why? why are you so protective?

'he keeps on hurting you and you let him, if I need to fight him again to change this then I will’

'it’s still my choice to make, you have no right to look through my messages like this’

'I feel stupid, I’ll never do it again, just…’ his eyes travel all around the room before he manages to let it out 

'please, don’t meet him’

your shoulders drop at the sight of him like this, so vulnerable and worried; he plays with his fingers waiting for your response anxiously and your heart sinks

you delete the message from Jaehyun and put your phone in your pocket; you speak after gulping heavily

'I won’t meet him’

'you won’t?’

'it’s time to stop being naive. you’re right. I deserve to be loved’

one of the corners of his lips lifts and his mouth stretch into a wide grin; his hand finds its way to your hair and he ruffles them softly

'I’m relieved now’

'Lu, was he right then? is that why you punched him?’

Lucas stops, blinking a few times before he finally understands; he expects to see the disappointment in your eyes but when he doesn’t, it gives him the courage to speak

'I… I care about you, okay? and I don’t want to see you cry. I don’t want you near Jaehyun. I don’t want you sad, hurt or sick man’

his lips, again, get all pouty and his big, round eyes look straight into yours; this time, you welcome the heavy feeling in your chest gladly 

you stretch your hands towards him; he puts his hand on the back of your head and brings your face to his chest, your whole body fitting perfectly with his in a hug

his hands travel up and down your back and you press your body even closer to his to get more of his warmth

you feel him kissing the top of your head before he pulls away from you and for a second your heart seems so close to exploding

'now, m'lady, it’s time to clean!’

'no, Lu, do it alone, I’ll pay you’

‘you can’t afford me’

and like that, all the tension disappears; you and Lucas go back to what you had before and act like the bestest of friends at work but also on the campus

you help him study at his dorm, getting to know his friends better but they also visit you two at the club and sometimes, you and Lucas don’t have the time to talk alone even

you go out to eat regularly after work thanks to the tips Lucas still gets

and you even go to his swimming practises to cheer him on,,, you also see him shirtless and suddenly you don’t mind him changing next to you in the staff room

you also cut things with Jaehyun completely; he seems sincere when he apologizes to you and you know that deep inside, he isn’t that bad

but he’s bad for you

and there’s someone so much better right next to you, someone that you would trust with anything - also your heart

you watch Lucas swim across the swimming pool, you two are the only ones there at the moment

when he finishes, he throws his arms in the air and yells 'YEAAH!’ as if he won the Olympics or something

and you laugh at him, shaking his head

he comes out of the water, drying his hair with a towel messily; he then hangs it on his shoulder and sits at the edge of the swimming pool next to you

'was I cool’

'yeah, but then you screamed’

'I just can’t keep the emotions inside man’

you look at him with your eyes smiling and he shrugs smugly

'you know, you haven’t asked me if I wanted to go out with you for a while now’

'you told me to stop joking like this and you know I’m obedient’ his hand travels to his ear that filled up with water

'the answer might have changed’

Lucas stops; he tilts his hand and presses his lips together, waiting for you to continue; you look down on your hands before speaking up again

'I know, it’s sudden and it makes no sense but I love spending time with you. you make me feel so important and with you, I can’t stop smiling… I just want you to know that I think I like you’

his expression doesn’t change, he’s still serious and he tries to find out if you’re honest by looking into your eyes

'only after meeting you, I realised that whatever feelings I had for Jaehyun, they weren’t real. he has never made me feel the same way I feel when I’m with you and I needed some time to realise that, but I finally did’

he brushes the hair from your face, a smug smile appearing on his face

'will you go out with me then?’

your nose scrunches when you laugh and you get overwhelmed when you feel his fingers tracing the skin of your palm before he intertwines your fingers

'I’d love to’

and you don’t expect him to screech the way he does, covering his face with his other hand as if he just heard the cringiest thing in the world

and you to calm him down but you also laugh out loud; you’re both not able to contain your smiles

he moves his face closer to you and kisses your nose first, then his lips find yours and he pecks them a few times sloppily before finally, landing your first proper kiss on them

he presses his wet body to yours and shivers overcome your whole body and you’re getting wet as well but you don’t care

eventually, Lucas drags you into the water with him and after you yell at him, you begin splashing each other with water and kissing and laughing maniacally

he warns you though

he says that he was never serious with anyone before and he might turn out to be the worst boyfriend ever

but it’s totally not the case

you’ve never imagined yourself to be so happy 

he’s still your best friend and still behaves the same way as before; every time you’re with him your cheeks hurt from laughing and you can’t contain your happiness

he’s still caring; when you’re sick he makes sure you take care of yourself; he calls you after your studying sessions and keeps talking to you until he knows you’re asleep - because you tend to stay up late and then you’re like a zombie the next day

he’s still protective; whenever someone talks to you without showing respect, he just appears next to you and asks them politely to change their ways

his words might be polite but his gaze sure isn’t

he gives AMAZING hugs, it’s like your body melts into his and you weigh nothing; one hug of his and you suddenly have no problems, life is beautiful and flowers are blooming

and the feeling of his hand holding yours? indescribable

it makes you feel extremely safe and reassured like there’s nothing that’s impossible for you

whenever he laughs at your jokes, you feel like the funniest person in the world and you just want to make him laugh and laugh and laugh; his chuckles sounded obnoxious once but now they’re the best sound in the world in your ears

and when he looks at you with his big brown eyes, you feel so beautiful; when he smiles at you, you feel like you can do anything

you sometimes can’t believe how lucky you are to have this big dork next to you; when he falls asleep while studying with you in the library (yeah you take him there again), you count his eyelashes and trace your fingers across his cheeks and play with his soft hair and just, admire how handsome and perfect he is

he’s also unstoppable

whenever he sees your gaze falling to his plump lips, he just goes for it and cups your face in his big hands and kisses you hungrily, as if he hadn’t just kissed you a few minutes ago

he loves giving you random kisses

at work, you can be just making an order for something when he suddenly comes up to you and gives you a peck on the cheek unexpectedly and it leaves you blushing EVERY.TIME.

still, your random make-out sessions in the staff room make you blush the most

or when you’re explaining something to him, he just shuts you up with a quick kiss

and you look at him with a straight face because,,, you were talking about some real important stuff,, but when he grins at you and his cheeks go up like this, you can’t even be mad

he’s so proud to show you off in front of everyone; he’s always holding your hand or having his arm around your shoulder or just touching you in some way

and your friends are as positive as him, they love you

and whenever you interact with them as if they were all your best friends of 12 years, he just lights up with pride

the thing is, none of the people that had a crush on him before seems mad about him being in a relationship? they actually seem to love him even more because seeing you two interact makes everyone’s hearts just go crazy

you’re so incredibly sweet together, you don’t even fight

Lucas would hate himself forever if he ever hurt you; so,,,, he just lets you win all the time

there was only one fight between the two of you, early in your relationship and he cried and you cried and you just ended up hugging and comforting each other on the floor

since then, Lucas has decided to never start a fight and since you’re easy-going as well, you don’t really need to fight

you both shower each other with compliments and support all the time; your texts are filled with heart emoji and memes basically

but you secretly love the moments when you lay down in your bed talking about everything just before you doze off; none of you knows exactly what you’re talking about it but it’s just so wholesome and listening to his deep, hushed voice just makes you fall in love with him again and again

in conclusion, you’re so in love with Lucas and you tell him that for the first time after he wins a competition

he’s all wet and tired and not breathing properly even, when you throw yourself at him

and he lifts you up and twirls with you in his arms and you leave sloppy kisses all over his face

'I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you..’

'I LOVE YOU TOO MAN’

’…. is 'man’ your pet name for me’

and he laughs hysterically and you just shake your head before joining in

so yeah, you’re undoubtedly in love with the biggest dork of them all, Lulu

you once get startled when you come across Jaehyun on the campus; you squeeze Lucas’ hand to warn him not to do anything stupid

but Jaehyun smiles at the two of you and acts incredibly friendly? 

you’re not friends with him but you’re in good terms; actually, you’ve heard some stories about him falling in love? 

but that’s… a story for another time >:)

masterlist

#nct #nct au #lucas au #nct fanfic #nct scenario #nct scenarios #wayv au #wayv scenarios #wayv scenario #wayv #nct imagines #wayv imagines #lucas scenarios #lucas imagines #lucas fluff #nct fluff #wayv fluff #lucas fanfiction #wayv fanfiction #nct fanfiction #nct writing #wayv writing #lucas writing #nct soft scenarios #nct college au #wayv soft imagines #nct soft imagines #lucas scenario #lucas imagine #yukhei scenarios

[rachasticks]

using felix as motivation bc if i won’t do it for myself i certainly will for him

#LMFAO IDK WHAT HAPPENED #i was writing his fic blah blah blah but then i suddenly #felt rlly hot??? but like ??? i’m not wearing hot clothes??? and my room isn’t hot ????? #and now i’m scared im poorly #trying to not have an actual thought so i can just write freely for a little bit 💆‍♀️ #almost 9k in tho with a lot more to go! #💭.rambles

[kkyuproof]

Jikook/Kookmin Fic Rec Part 1

(Part 2 Here)

I’ve slowly been building up my list of KM fics and thought I might as well share them with the rest of the Tumblr-sphere (and organize them all because if the rest of my life is a mess, at least my fav fics can be orderly amirite)! I’m somewhat new to BTS and KM so it’s not too big a list, but I’m going to be updating this as I find more that I enjoy :) Happy Reading! 

(most of these are probs old fics because like i said IM NEW HERE IM SO SORRY, but i hope you still find it helpful idk man)

Mostly Fluffy Fics

you are the ruler of the stars (and my heart) by cygnus (sunsprite) | Words: 18k | Jimin reluctantly joins his college’s Space and Astronomy club on the basis of Taehyung’s persuasion. Surrounded by a group of unnecessarily tall space nerds, he unexpectedly finds himself falling in love with one of them.

OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO CUTE. One of my fav fluffy fics to be honest. I was squealing basically the whole time i was reading. love.

i’ll stick to you like glue-cose by cygnus (sunsprite) | Words: 7k |  Jimin merely wanted to study in peace, yet a certain five-foot ten frat boy -- unfortunately also a past hookup -- that epitomizes the very definition of smugness in one entire body whose ego is as big and full-scaled as the national debt, won’t let him.

Another super cute fluffy fic!!! i just found this author and the fluff is just so amazingly written and not cliche at all and ugh. JK acts like he’s all suave but he’s really just a big softie and AH. 

friday nights (with you) by kstorms | Words: 24k |  How a random night at a karaoke bar leaves Jimin with two new friends and a frowny, terribly handsome crush.

Anther classic tbh. I think I’ve read this through like four or five times bc i have literally no life and enjoy this VERY well written humor. There’s like zero angst in this and it’s all mostly Taehyung being a very cute little shit to JK (KM is there obvs and they super cute but ya know). Def a must read.

competency at its highest potency by MauveTarte | Words: 10k | State-Sponsored Runs are the excitement of every Alpha and Omega youth.

Or,

Jimin has one final chance at this bonding thing before his life goes to shit.

the one and only ABO fic i’ve read with NO SMUT. that’s right, ya heathens! this one is solely plot driven (and super fluffy). It’s cute af and Taehyung is an amazing friend :)

(my heart beats) for you by sabotagemyheart | Words: 17k | In which Jungkook, as a child, befriends the exceptionally adorable, small and friendless Jimin, not knowing that after a few years, he’ll be wrecking this very boy underneath himself making him whimper out his name.

okay LISTEnn. This summary makes this fic sound a lot dirtier than it is (ok yes it’s smutty BUT there’s more fluff in this than anything else. its so so so cute.)

Mostly Smutty Fics

Studio 2 by Charmander | Words: 20k WIP | Somewhere along the way, Jimin lost that passion he used to pour into his art, watching as it slipped through his very fingers. But street kid Jungkook is all heart and soul, and he’s more than willing to help Jimin learn to burn with the same fire he carries inside himself.

okay so this one is very plot heavy (as is most of Charmander’s fics) so don’t think you’re getting JUST smut. it has an amazing storyline about sexuality struggles and i think a lot of you would enjoy it! (the smut is bomb af tho sooo) 

Starstruck by SugaTheTurtle | Words: 5k |  Everyone is attracted to idols at one point or another. As part of Big Hit’s staff, Jimin really shouldn’t still be as attracted to Jungkook as he was at the beginning. Maybe if he wasn’t he wouldn’t be stuck hiding inside a closet in his dressing room silently praying that the idol was reaching for the zipper on his pants to change into something more comfortable.

ALRIGHTY HERE WE GO LADIES AND GENTS. This is for all you kinky fuckers out there who love pure smut. It was very interesting at first but as it progressed i was like whoaoaa i need some holy water. this fic is the epitome of “well, that escalated quickly” (but it’s still not rushed ??? which like...how?) enjoy! lmao.

Interlude by Bunbungee | Words: 9k | Jungkook has fallen in love at first listen with Jimin’s interlude and he won’t stop until he finds out why he is reacting so strongly to it. His search for answers takes a new turn when, one night, he discovers just how much the song can affect him.

Okay this was smutty, but still SUPER CUTE bc jeon is his typical shy bunny self who’s super oblivious and jimin is just a sweetheart. looooove.

Wet Depths by WorldwideWriter | Words: 10k | All it takes for Jungkook to break is a slightly unfair swimming competition and a too seductive Jimin.

GIVE ME ALL THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS FICS hell yes. I love their dynamic in this one, they hate each other (but they really don’t lol like come on.) and the sexual tension is insane.

everybody’s watching him, but he’s looking at you by jonghyunslisterine | Words: 6k|   In which Jimin formulates a three-step plan to get the hot bouncer to notice him. (Spoiler: it doesn’t go quite as expected.)

okay this is smutty but also super cute so like idk where to put it but jimin wears a thong in it so i think the smut category will suffice. a quick read but so worth it, JK is a lowkey sweetheart.

Blood & Chocolate by MyHope (CutesyMe) | Words: 35k | “What if I only want you to sit on my lap?” the stranger asks, which is an odd request. People always want Jimin to dance for them. Only sometimes do they ask of him to just sit on their lap but event hen he has to move in some way and not just sit still.

“Same price,” Jimin retorts.

Jungkook spreads his legs slightly and motions to his lap as if it’s the best seat that has ever been offered to Jimin. “Be my guest.”

so i don’t really know what to say here but i loved their dynamic in this fic?? i love the way JK treats JM in this ahhhh its SMUTTY AF but he still super sweet and protective.  There’s sooooome angst but it’s not too bad. Good plot.

New Heights by Charmander | Words 11k| There’s no better way to remind yourself that you’re alive than tempting fate from 700 meters above the ground and the searing touch of another’s fingers dragging down your chest.

1000% my favorite smut fic out there. the dialogue written in this fic is so well-done and absolutely hilarious. Sexual tension is CRAZY. love his fics.

give in to the game by cherrygloss | Words: 23k | “Jimin, if you honestly think that I’m going to pretend to be your boyfriend so you can make your ex jealous, then you’re out of your mind.”

im s oRRY, i know this is mostly smut aljfdlkaldfj my thirsty ass has bookmarked so many smut fics but i can’t help it oof. but this is super cute smut with some feeliins.

Nu ABO: A Memoir by Park Jimin by decompositionbooks | Words: 34k | The world didn’t think it was necessary to give him a guide when it shoved all of these omega hormones at him, so here it is, Park Jimin’s handbook to dealing with heats, unrequited love, and Jeon Jungkook.

WOOH another classic! I live for jealous/protective!JK idk its just super cute. my fav ABO fic!!

two sides; same story by namjoone | Words: 12k | Okay, so maybe Jimin thinks his neighbor is hot.

A little.

Okay, maybe a lot.

haha ohhhh man i love mutual pining. they’re both totally dumb at the beginning of this and i live for it. also some hoottttttt ass smut. (bc i need jesus at this point)

Not a Girl by PinkBTS | Words: 8k | Jeongguk isn’t sure what he did in his previous life to deserve this but he probably screwed up big time...he’s kinda grateful though.

A story about Santa, assumptions and thick-rimmed glasses.

AHHHHH  this is so funny and awkward and hot and EVERYTHING. I live for frat!bangtan with my whole heart. 

Downpour by kikistiel (Kikai) | Words: 15k | Jimin doesn’t know what it is. But now, he’s not sure he’s ready for summer to be over just yet.

IM SCREAMING. This was almost poetically good (aka A+ writing oh my gerrrd). It’s kinda angsty too like a bit but its also so sweet i love it :( go read pls.

How to Seduce Your Dance Teacher by Jeon Jungkook by soranosuzu | Words: 5k | Currently there are a million thoughts racing through Jungkook’s brain, but two very prominent ones finally beat their way to the forefront of his mind. First, Jimin is hot as hell and Jungkook needs to find a way to get into his pants. Second (and maybe slightly more urgent than the first), Jungkook needs to find a way to prevent himself from popping a boner every time Jimin does that in the future and, more importantly, right now.

(aka AU in which Jungkook devises a plan to seduce his ridiculously hot dance teacher Jimin)

HELLL YEAH. that is all.

i like how desperate you seem (in the way you look at me) by fatal (cumrich) | Words: 71k WIP | Packs merge all the time. It’s survival, Jimin knows that, but what he’s not prepared for is the attention he’s getting from a certain Jeon Jungkook, the alpha’s son.

yeeesss we got some more ABO up in this biiiiihhcc. It’s not done yet, but i strongly urge you to read!! so goooood and the smut is A1.

Mostly Angst

The Bet by jonghyunslisterine | Words: 46k |  Where Jeon Jungkook makes a bet that he can get the notoriously single Park Jimin to sleep with him by the end of the semester. 

Needless to say, things don’t go exactly as planned.

Yes i had to include this lovely classic :) Still one of my favs and probably always will be *shrug*. I’m not usually an angst person but this is like the perfect dosage for me to handle lol. If you haven’t read it yet, what are you doing with your life honestly go do it lmao.

lost stars by pjungkook | Words: 25k | Park Jimin has another maknae in his life and Jeon Jungkook is completely losing it.

have you ever felt like your heart was being smushed under an eighteen wheeler and your chest was caving in? Yeah that was me during this fic. But it’s sososo good and i promise there’s still fluff (i cannot live through angst without fluff) so READ.

Falling for you again by Rose_gold715 | Words: 30k | Jungkook loses all memory of the last five years of his life.

Jimin is scared he will never love him again.

wow okay so this one was a tear-jerker. you sympathize with both JK and JM but you’re also sort of frustrated with them at the same time?? soso good, definitely give it a read.

serendipity (none of this is a coincidence) by nclnns | Words: 30k | Jimin feels like crying.

Because the boy -- Jeon Jungkook as he had learnt a week ago -- is the exact opposite of Jimin.

And he’s the person Jimin’s boyfriend has been cheating on him with.

or

In which Jimin finds out that Taehyung is cheating on him with a boy named Jeon Jungkook and in the quest to understand what went wrong, he ends up falling in love with said boy.

so i haven’t read this one in a few months but i remember it being one of the first KM fics i had ever bookmarked, so it must have hit me in some way. JK is a sweetie though from what i remember.

On Patrol by Ragi | Words: 129k| Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable. Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can’t seem to keep out of his life. Captain Kim finds comfort in his son’s homeroom teacher. 

Well, cops need some loving too, right?

Okay so this isn’t like suuuuper angsty but it’s also not smutty nor super fluffy either??? So idk where to put it but i think angst fits this most. I also laughed quite a bit during this so it has humor!! Tae is also like an 8 year-old kid LDJAFODJOA (ft. Sope and Namjin)

we’re not broken just bent by calipha | Words 16k | “You’ll die,” Jimin hisses and they’re so close now that his perfect illusion is broken. Jungkook can see his dark circles, can see Jimin’s lips, red and raw from biting.

“I did almost die in this house once, five years ago,” he whispers, watching as Jimin clenches his jaw but doesn’t look away. “I think I can handle more. I’m bigger and stronger now, see?” Jimin holds his gaze for two seconds before it tracks south to move down Jungkook’s body.

MY HARRY POTTER LOVIN ASS IS VERY SATISFIED. jimin is just a misunderstood bb and jungkook is trying SO HARD not to pine ajweklfkldf.

#jikook #jikook fic rec #jikook fic #jikook smut #kookmin fic rec #kookmin #bts fic rec #bts fanfiction

[shhre]

I've had a lot of accounts disrespect my DNI today. I've blocked them all but it's made me feel very icky :( It makes me not want to regress or feel like I shouldn't even tho it all stressed me out a lot and I feel like slipping :( Do you have any tips for regressors who feel overwhelmed/internalized shame?

I feel this so much asdbhhffhjk I don't have a ton of great solutions unfortunately. Maybe my followers can help out in the replies?

I try not to look through my interactions when regressed or when I feel like I'm slipping because I get a ton of nsfw interactions (this is a side blog with almost 9k followers and so many of them just ignore my dni, it's hard to keep up with and tbh I've just let it go. I block the ones who message me inappropriate stuff but there's just so many to go through)

What I do do is have a ton of tags blocked and because of that I feel safe enough to go through the agere tag when regressed because Tumblr doesn't show it if it has a blocked tag in search results.

I'm sorry I don't feel like I have a great answer to this but I hope my rambling helped you to feel a lil less alone with it. Feel free to reach out in DMs (if you're an adult only please, m 25) if you need more encouragement or you can send in more asks too if you need to (that's fine to do as a minor also, for me personally, don't worry)!!!

NSFW DO NOT INTERACT

#asks #anon #cw caps

[imadeletingmysocials]

My scores for E3, because apparently now i’m a dumb 4channer who thinks this /v/ meme shit matters, like it’s not gonna affect sales or anything it’s pointless as all hell [this is lenghy, but hear me out ok]

EA: 

4/10 - people will probably play the games regardless of how shitty this presentation was but... It felt pretty insulting. 

Battlefield V is probably gonna make a lot of money regardless cuz people like war games and it seems pretty well done, the more footage they have shown seemed better than their weird advertizement that made world war 2 seem very wacky, which honestly regardless if you’re a sexist neckbeard or not, seemed like a poor advertizement move. 

TinyBuild:

No one watched this lol and it was just 1 GAME and a fun cute musical that made people who aren’t strong enough to musicals die, 6/10 because it made nerds die and their song is catchy, i dont really care about their 1 game.

Microsoft:

 9/10 - I'm giving this much of a high score because I would play practically almost all of these games showcased (they’ll probably be available on PC which I’m biased for cuz I have a gaming PC), no kidding, I pretty much liked everything I saw and it was fairly straight to the point. Many gamers don’t appreciate the finer details of each game and think they’re generic but that’s just fanboys who haven’t played a single game outside of their favorites. 

Also my cousin uses those Xbox One netflix rip offs that gives you games so i’m happy for him. The presentation had a lot of diamonds in the rough games that will I will probably appreciate more over time (they might even become cult classics like Metro or Dying Light) than any of other games at other e3s. As for the stuff I won’t be playing: It’s mostly harmless so eh.

There was an abundance of trailers! It was like one after the other, pure goodness, it seems as if they left out all of the Sports games to EA to present and the only thing they showed that might not be anyone’s cup of tea was “Forza”, but honestly? I appreciate it, it seems like a good racing game even if I’m not one to buy racing games.... But the more you think about the number of good games presented, the less you’ll think about that, I mean they showed DEVIL MAY CRY 5!!! 

...The Funko Pop game made me scream though.

Bethesda: 

8.5/10  I cannot deny that these are games I will want to play regardless if they’re good or not. Sad to see nerds not enjoy the opportunity to meet ANDREW W.K. but I’m glad all of the divisions they own are making sequels to stuff I already like, so pretty much Bethesda played it safe.

Devolver Digital:

 8/10 It’s like that one b-movie film your college students made and you had a laugh with creating.

Square Enix: 

5/10 seriously, 30 minues of just trailers? Most of which we saw?? I guess it could be worse but who uses E3 screentime for mostly MMORPG deals! The new stuff was too vague to be excited about too.

Ubisoft: 

7/10 - I liked it when they made funny quirky things and their games are probably gonna be okay like usual, Ubisoft has dedicated fans that like their collectathon games they release every year, and it’s usually that one game you play when you’re bored and got nothing else, it’s okay. 

Gamers hate fun and dancing and all that stuff but I kind of find stuff like that exciting, while nerds who never went outside and who are sensitive as all hell to any representation of fun find it “cringey”. A panda dabbed, and that settles it, Ubisoft was the only E3 Brave enough to dab this year. 

PC Game Conference (it was fairly long):

I know none of you watch this one cuz y’all fake as hell but listen... Fuck you LOL, these are the type of games people actually play over 400 hours and really get people’s money. Like these are games built to last that might be on the best-selling Steam front page for MONTHS, like how Frostpunk was comfirmed last year during this conference, PC Gaming has been known for sleeper hits that nobody knows about (because the attention goes to cinematic experiences on consoles most of the time) but suddently everyone’s playing it. 

PC gaming has always been an alternative lifestyle and seeing as many people didn’t watch this one, that just proves the point that it still relatively alternative. Maybe it’s because everyone sounds dumb as fuck when saying “PC GAMER MASTER RACE” and acting like an elitist. 

The PC Gaming conference is always more of a talk show than a regular E3 which is why I respect it every year, fuck the hyperactive gamers that just wanna see flashy trailers, this one’s more SOPHISTICATED!! It feels a lot more human and less artificial. Either way, lot’s of what you might’ve expected: Simulators and Survival games you’ll probably spend 3 years playing until they make a better minecraft clone. 

Gamers like to act as if they’re tired of Battle Royale (already? It’s a new fad it still is here to stay for a little more) but the numbers and success of it doesn’t lie that it isn’t a fad that proves itself to be highly tempting to try out for developers. Go cry to valve that they didn’t release Half-Life 3 cuz you haven’t played any other FPS game without even researching that Valve pretty much fired all of it’s developers and you’re just being annoying.

I feel as if I need to comment what I saw at this e3 cuz nobody watched, they made a mod I liked from skyrim into a fully-ass game, they’re rebooting Star Control which not a single gamer today knows of, the HP Lovecraft open world detective game also seems very good. YAKUZA IS COMING TO PC!!!!!!!!! Killing Floor 2 stuff, Road Redemption stuff, SHARK RPG, cute indie games, Jeff Goldblum was there, Wall-E with a gun in VR which seems to have promissing good vr design by Insomiac games (yes the spyro people), 2 games about Taxi driving... Like sure I think it’s a good format for story telling but.

A cell-shaded art game, star citizen is still being made, and it’s gone to the point nobody really wants it anymore even if it’s... Still being made you know? So most guys are wrong that it was gonna be canceled. After that was the technical graphic card stuff which gamers don’t have enough capability to understand, stuff like 9k laptops that SELL a lot mind you. Rich people love that technical stuff. 

A space defense sim game, Don’t Starve Sequel, Just Cause 4 detailed explanation of the engine, Overkill’s The Walking Dead gameplay which has been in development hell for years now now has a release date, I discovered Clementine’s voice actor is white... Go figure, a literal pixelated roguelike (not what you think it is, it’s Noita), 

Theme Hospital REBOOT!!!! YES!!!!!!!!! And the doctors were cute. Probably one of the funniest games presented... Followed by REALM ROYALE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That harvest moon clone with a cute art style is still being made: Ooblets, no release date sadly. Anno is still going, cyanide and happiness still exists? and they’re making a battle royale? lol okay. How was Hitman 2 not announced during Square Enix?? Anyways it’s here at the end, the trailer was amazing and it’s coming out this year. 

I don’t have that much strong feelings because it’s just a normal conference and not a special one you know? But I’ll give it a 8/10 or 7/10 im not sure cuz I seem to like most games and I found Frankie cute.

Sony: 

Yo usually Sony makes like a huuuuuuuge thing about their conferences (like this year they didn’t even showcase indie games) but this year they started from a church for the sake of immersion?? It reminded me a little of their first E3s during the 90s, and it almost felt like a indie gathering for musicians, I swear to god, Sony is borderline experimental trying to balance out their E3 across stages. Jeb played the banjo and people just ACCEPTED it... AND THEN someone played some JAPANESE FLUTE? aRT. It might come off as a bit arrogant for some tho.

Nerds hated it and thought it was bizzare, which is why it means it’s good. HAPPY PRIDE MONTH BITCHES. Anyways could have been a little more fast-paced... But then again when it was fast-paced it was just like: Huh? What was that? I’m a big Resident Evil Fangirl, RE2 was my childhood but ignoring that for a sec: finally, Death Stranding gameplay, remins me of shadow of the colossus but post-apocalpytic, survival horrorish and abstract sci-fi.

 Kind of feels more Metal Gear than MGSV did already Cuz Norman Reedus sounds like snake a lot more than the 24 hours guy, and because from what I’ve seen in the footage, someone acts like Otacon to “Sam”. I think most now can figure out the plotpoints of this game with what has been established. I might be a bit sad at the fact that this will be a PS4 exclusive just like Metal Gear Solid 4, which I still haven’t played fully because it’s PS3 exclusive and I only have a gaming PC. 

Also this E3 was surprisingly entirely SINGLE PLAYER, I sorta don’t believe in the “single player doesn’t exist” myth honestly, especially now. I’m not sure if that makes Sony’s E3 better or worse, maybe it needed more variation, like I’ve commented, usually they have an indie showcase which this year did not. There were few games shown but for what it was worth, it’s still interesting... But yeah just 5 games? No Spyro? (easy picking), nothing extra? I can understand why many people felt this E3 was upsetting.

8/10.

Nintendo

Here it is, the most overhyped developer of all of E3, the source of “Nintendo wins E3 by doing nothing” memes because Nintendo fans really don’t care about anything except Nintendo and then act surprised when they only care about Nintendo when they try to be a little more open-minded (and fail) even if other E3s probably make more games built to last in comparisson, cuz we gay people only care about NINTENDO YOU KNOW? Shade asside... 

I was pleasantly surprised this E3, it wasn’t just a series of okay at best releases, a strong 9/10. 

tHAT WAS WHAT I WROTE IN PREPRATION....

BUT THEN???? IT WAS JUST THAT??? NO PRIME 4 NO ANYTHING LIKE JUST 3 GAMES BASICALLY? (maybe there was 5 games but eh) I mean smash is good.. It’s pretty much just an update of the last smash, every character is REALLY FUCKING GOOD BUT.... JUST THAT? jeez.. Like, the only stuff I wanted from it was Mario Party and Smash... Okay maybe that 1 Mecha game. Also I guess fornite is now on Switch but I can play that anywhere else really.

I guess a 7/10 is all I can give to just Smash, if there was a little more I’d give it a 9/10 for sure but... ehh Just Smash? jeez, fuck... i MEAN I kind of get it, Nintendo doesn’t do “e3″ normally, they usually do 1 big game at E3 and then wait a couple of months to do that little seasonal announcement thing they do across the year, ugh.. Okay. Yeah I guess i shouldn’t have expected much. Still isn’t it weird that Miyamoto was in Ubisoft’s E3 but not this one??? what!

Anyways

#e3 #i'll post that image at the end individually #long post #Sony #Nintendo #Bethesda #Microsoft

[katzuyas]

hi! it’s same-face-in-every-selfie kat lmao I was tagged by @nikiviki for the 7 selfies of 2017 meme, so here’s my pick at why-tf-do-I-have-so-much-pink-lipstick year lololol thanks so much for the tag love 💕

I’ll be tagging my angel @tetsya bc I haven’t seen ur sweet face in ages and I need me some of that cute uwu, and then also: @theexitgarden, @relent, @maniacani, @saniika, and @tendou-satori if you guys feel like it!

the rest of the tag games are under the cut ^u^)b

tagged by @evenifidie thanks for the tag!!

Take an excerpt of your writing, put it into Google Translate, translate it into a random language, and then back into English, and see what you end up with!

ORIGINAL:

Yuuri's sleep warm and cuddly, and Victor wants nothing more that to keep spooning him until they can both wake up enough to exchange slow, soft kisses like they do on their days off. Sadly, it's not one of those days and they need to get up.

-- from a little something I have written for @domesticvictuuriweek

CEBUANO TO ENGLISH:

Yuuri's sleep is hot and vibrant, and Victor does not want to keep on blowing him until they both feel enough to move slowly, soft kisses like their days. Sadly, this is not one of those days and they have to get up. 

well the last sentence was underwhelming but victor blowing yuuri when he’s hot and vibrant in his sleep is definitely not the vibe I’m going for here ahahah lmao this was a bust

oh man I’m gonna tag ppl for it bc this was fun: @sagechan, @matsinko, @the-world-of-illyas-james, @shslshortie and @kaja-skowronek

tagged by @evenifidie thanks again!!

rules: post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic, original work, poetry, whatever floats your boat!) and tag the same number of people as there were words in the sentence 

One that Victor can't wait to be fulfilled.

lol good luck figuring out what this is

and I’m too lazy to tag for this one, sorry tcuhyjbnj if u want to do it, feel urself tagged tho! especially the ppl from the tag above! //winkwonk

tagged by @kaja-skowronek thanks so much for the tag, sweetheart 😘

1) HOW MANY WORKS IN PROGRESS TO DO YOU CURRENTLY HAVE?

posted and updated regularly only one (carry on), which is more of a drabble dump than a wip, but I’m working on 5 others which are eating me alive bc I have no chill whatsoever lmao

2) DO YOU/WOULD YOU WRITE FANFICTION?

been there done that still doing it lol

3) DO YOU PREFER PAPER BOOKS OR EBOOKS?

definitely books, there’s nothing better than the feel of turning the pages and the smell of paper and ink while ur gobbling up page after page, it’s awesome. would never change for anything else in the world. now if only we could get fics printed out as well I’d be in heaven

4) WHEN DID YOU START WRITING?

I was probably around 12-13, visiting my dad in the us, and I got completely swallowed by reading harry potter fics. that’s when it all started for me. and then when I got home I wanted to try my hand at it and... now here we are, almost 13 years later lol

5) DO YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU TRUST THAT YOU SHARE YOUR WORK WITH?

I usually don’t like to share my work when it’s unfinished so it’s v rare for me to do so 

6) WHERE IS YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE TO WRITE?

my room, at night, when there’s peace and quiet and I can focus properly

7) FAVOURITE CHILDHOOD BOOK?

definitely harry potter, no runner ups

8) WRITING FOR FUN OR PUBLICATION?

the big dream is one day maybe publication but for now it’s just for fun

9) PEN AND PAPER OR COMPUTER?

used to be pen and paper, and then I’d be rewriting that mess onto the computer, but now I’m just too lazy and wtf pen&paper hurts my wrist so much how did I even take notes back in school this is ridiculous omg

10) HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN ANY WRITING CLASSES?

mm yea uni classes which were absolute shit eh

11) WHAT INSPIRES YOU TO WRITE?

everything, really. what inspires me? the colour of leaves in the fall, the snow sparkling on the ground in winter, the fog that doesn’t let you see further than a few meters before you, the chilling cold on the morning walks, the dark that’s brightened up only by the dim street lamps, the colour of the sky that isn’t really blue but tints into reds and pinks and oranges and purples

what gives me strength to write? the comments and tags on my fics, that’s the best reward after spending hours on creating something - to see that people love and appreciate your work, it’s awesome

this was a great tag so I’m gonna put a few other writers on the task ;3c I’m tagging: @evenifidie, @saniika, @matsinko, @rayrayswimusic and @nee-saan

tagged by @evenifidie thanks babe ur spoiling me 💕

list five of your favourite fics (that you’ve written!) and why you like them

have yourself a merry little christmas (make the yuletide gay) 

yoi | victuuri | nsfw | 9k the reason why I love it is v simple: it’s full of sweet, winter fluff and doting on vitya nikiforov which I always will put before everything else 🙏🙏

if there's a will, there's a way

yoi | victuuri | 17k+ this fic is my baby and I have such huge plans for it that I’m almost scared of writing it but gosh I love it? it’s a historical fantasy au which is totally something of a crown jewel in my writing imo and I’m super proud of what already is posted and what else is to come

to keep you warm   

yoi | victuuri | 8k it’s another one of my multiple fantasy au fics bc I live for those and I adore this one especially bc of the imageries, it gives me good vibes and I loved writing it, and I still love coming back to it every now and then

oh ye of so little faith

dna | miyusawa | 32k what can I say? it’s another fantasy au, yes, you guessed it lol I just really love them? and I love this one bc of the characterisation which I’m super proud of and the character development and the actual writing I put into this bc I worked super hard on it and it still pains me that it received only so little attention //sighs

The Matchmaker

hq | kurohina | nsfw | 73k oh gosh there’s so many things I can say about this one but I’ll stop at the most important one: it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written and I’ll forever be proud of myself for sticking it out and finishing it //pats myself on the back

this was actually pretty fun so I’ll tag @kaja-skowronek, @shslshortie, @the-world-of-illyas-james, @starrwinter, @thatravenclawnextdoor and @harmonization

tagged by @kaja-skowronek thank you!!

relationship status: can’t believe I’m actually typing this but... taken ;3c

favorite color: I don’t have only one, but I’m really in love with the pastels recently

favorite hobby: definitely writing!

last song: transit by takaaki natsushiro bc I’m rewatching yowapeda before new season hits

last movie: caught the last scenes of hp and the sorcerer’s stone last night on tv ;3c

top three shows: wow... that’s tough. yoi is definitely the top top, but the other two I’d say daiya and khr bc the nostalgia is strong these days

I’m not tagging anyone for this one, but if someone wants to do it, I’m tagging you personally ^u^)b

phew, this was a lot to go through yhchyvbjn I’m so bad at doing these orz I’m so sorry yall it’s been like months since some of these tags I’m a lazy shit ahaha anyway, thanks so much for all of it, I really loved these!!! 💕

#tag game #me myself and I #wow this was a lot #but I had fun #also an excuse to post my face is always a good one #hi I'm kat nice to meet yall face to face lol