#also I know these aren’t all genital based I’m just making a point

[radkindoffeminist]

Things I really want TRAs to get through their fucking skulls.

B*tch, c*nt, and wh*re are misogynistic slurs. This isn’t something I am ever going to debate. These are derogatory terms used specifically against women and using them against women doesn’t make them less of a slur. Using them because ‘in some places c*nt isn’t a slur’ doesn’t make them less of a slur. Also, I’m literally fucking British and have lived in Scotland for some years now so before you start with the whole ‘but in some places it’s completely normalised and used commonly’: it’s not. I have heard some men use it to insult their friends, but it’s not thrown around constantly and is still typically used to degrade women.

R*tard is an ableist slur which should also never be used. (And, to be honest, lots of radfems need to learn this one too.)

We don’t want trans people dead. We don’t want them to struggle and be without help. We just disagree on the help that they should get. You think the only way to help them is to validate their gender and help them to change their entire body in the hope that might make them feel better. We think that mental health support designed to help them cope with their body issues is a much more effective form of support. No situation involves killing them or letting them all commit suicide. We want those who are genuinely struggling to get help.

Slight caveat to the point above: the males who fetishise womanhood and being a lesbian and who aren’t struggling with their body and their identity but just get off to being in a dress and want lesbians to fuck them? They don’t deserve help. They’re pornsick men. But the ones who really are struggling and just trying to get by do need help.

Your community is homophobic as shit. Saying that it’s just a ‘small minority’ who support genital preferences and say rejecting trans people is transphobic and call lesbians TERFs for not liking dick does not fix the problem and only serves to diminish what those who have been at the receiving end of this hateful and homophobic rhetoric have been through. You need to start speaking up against this rhetoric and telling people that it’s not fucking okay. You need to start taking a stand anytime someone says lesbians need to learn to like (girl)dick or to have a sexless relationship with a trans woman to be inclusive or uses the term genital preference (certainly if they’re saying it’s wrong/that people can learn to get over a ‘preference’; but even saying that it’s okay is homophobic because an inherent sexuality is not a preference).

Your community is misogynistic. Even ignoring the fact that the idea that trans women are women and that they know exactly what womanhood is like is misogynistic in and of itself, trans ideology is deeply misogynistic. It’s not okay to use misogynistic slurs, even against women you don’t like. It’s not okay to send rape threats to women, even ones you don’t like. It’s deeply misogynistic to blame all transphobia on TERFs when it’s men who are typically in charge of laws being changed and men who are the ones going around assaulting and mustering trans women. And it’s deeply misogynistic to tell women to get the fuck over themselves and learn to deal with having trans women in their spaces. Women built female spaces for a reason and you are completely ignoring our sex-based oppression which is deeply misogynistic.

Oh, and trans inclusive language? That’s misogynistic to. Forcing women to refer to themselves by their organs and functions especially when women have been seen as little more than their organs/reproductive abilities; making this language completely inaccessible to many women, especially those who speak English as a second language; forcing this language almost exclusively on women while men are still called men (or sometimes just cis men to be a little more specific); and telling any woman who has a problem with it, regardless of their reasoning, to get over themselves? That’s all deeply misogynistic.

Self-ID will be dangerous. I don’t care what stupid reasoning you come up with it not being dangerous because it will be. Men have and will continue to pretend to be women to access those spaces and creep on women because self-ID means that all they have to do is claim that they’re a woman and suddenly it’s transphobic for them to not be allowed to enter. There is no ‘you can tell the difference’ because it doesn’t matter what your personal opinion of that person is: if they say that they are a woman, they have to be allowed into women’s spaces and creepy men will abuse that. (And, no, you can’t argue that trans women ‘have always used women’s spaces and it’s been fine’ because we both know that we live in a different time now. It’s no long a very, very small number of trans people who genuinely tried their hardest to pass as the opposite sex. So unless you’re happy to exclude non-transitioning and non-passing trans people from the spaces which match their ‘gender’, these are the only options.)

Keeping spaces sex-segregated is the only viable alternative to self-ID for most public spaces. I’m happy to hear any ideas of how you’re going to make sure that only trans women can access women’s spaces and that cis men will never be able abuse self-ID to get in, but I don’t think such a solution exists. Therefore, I will continue to defend these spaces being sex-segregated because that’s the best way to ensure that the women in these spaces are safe from the abuses of males.

Continuing to scream that we’re so worried about sharing spaces with trans women ignores what you’re actually asking for in regards to self-ID. As above, literally any person will be able to say ‘I’m a woman’ and access these spaces so while you may focus on the ‘genuine’ trans women who just want to use the bathroom and be more comfortable than they would be in the male spaces, we worried about every single male abusing the existence of self-ID in order to abuse women. Remember what self-ID is: anyone can identify as any gender at any time just by claiming that they are that gender.

‘You shouldn’t be scared of public bathrooms because the bathroom in your home is gender neutral’ is the stupidest fucking argument. Like, I’m sorry, but how fucking idiotic do you have to be to think that comparing a private and public space is not only a good idea but will also support your point? You share a bathroom in your house with people you choose to live with and invite over; you share a public bathroom with strangers. Do you not understand that people can be comfortable sharing a space with family and friends, but uncomfortable sharing with literal fucking strangers who don’t always have the best intentions???

Saying women are adult human females or that they have vaginas does not reduce women down to their organs and you are ignorant as shit is you continue to repeat this lie. Reducing someone to their organs (or any other feature) means that you think the only important/significant thing about them, that you view them as being only of value because of this feature. You know like conservatives saying that women are only valuable/useful for sex and giving birth to children? That’s what reducing women to their organs really means. Stating the common characteristic shared by a certain group does not mean you view the whole group as being valued for that one thing. It’s why no one says that lesbians are female homosexuals reduces lesbians to their sexuality: because, in this case, we recognise that we are stating the shared characteristic that lesbians have.

Radfems don’t believe in gender as a concept. If you’re talking about how radfems believe sex = gender then your argument is already flawed. If you’re talking about radfems believing in gender in any way then your argument is already flawed. We believe in the existence of biological sex and recognise its impact on people in current society, fighting for rights of women who are discriminated against on the basis of their sex. We use the words women and girls which describe people of the female sex based upon their age: adults are women and minors are girls. Men and boys work similarly. These terms are therefore sex-based, not gendered/gender-based. We believe that, functionally, gender is a set of misogynistic stereotypes which tells people (though especially women) how they are supposed to act and serves no purpose in society other than to make people continually question themselves and force people into little boxes. We believe that TRAs and conservatives have gone two different ways with gender and both are harmful: conservatives telling people that they must follow gender roles based on their biological sex and TRAs telling people to identify with a gender based upon what gender roles they like/take up.

Define woman. Please. All we want is a coherent definition of woman which doesn’t rely on stereotypes, debunked brain sex, circular reasoning, or calling it ‘a feeling’. No one has ever been able to give us a coherent definition.

Yeah, brain sex has been debunked after some fucking massive studies into it. Turns out, it was always rooted in misogyny and most of the previous studies were basically just confirmation bias to ‘prove’ that men and women are ‘wired differently’ to give a scientific foundation to all the misogynistic stereotypes surrounding women. Once you account for brain size, we’re really not all that different after all. So no, a trans woman cannot just be born with a female brain; a trans man cannot just be born with a male brain. No such thing exists.

Which argument do you want: there is absolutely no difference between cis and trans people and therefore many people have probably had crushes on trans people without knowing it OR trans people are in danger of being abused/raped/murdered specifically because they’re trans? Because the first argument would suggest that trans people could never be targeted for being trans because people will always see them as their chosen gender and the only people who would know that they’re trans is people that they’ve told but the latter point means trans people are targeted because people can see that they’re trans and therefore many/most trans people don’t pass and so it’s unlikely that people have had all these crushes on trans people because it’s fairly obvious that they’re trans? Because I’m willing to admit that some trans people really do pass and I would not know that they’re trans unless directly told, but the percentage who pass that well is minuscule and hardly representative of all trans people.

Your community is racist. Stop leaning on the whole ‘black women had their womanhood denied from them like trans women are’. Black women weren’t seen as women because they were seen as less than human; they were still viewed as female which is why they were raped and forced through pregnancies. Stop saying that attributes we say are more likely to be found in men are more commonly found in black women therefore we see black women as men. That’s an argument used in bad faith and you know it. Like please learn the difference between ‘more commonly found’ and ‘exclusively found’.

Your community is intersexist. Intersex people are not pawns to be used in your argument. Like 0.1% of the population having a condition which genuinely makes their biological sex more complicated than male or female does not disprove the sex binary and, if anything, the fact that these people struggle with many health problems and are typically infertile goes to show that the sex binary does exist. Moreover, if gender is completely different from sex then conditions which make your biological sex complicated/mixed should say nothing about gender. (And yes, I said 0.1% of the population even though intersex conditions occur at a higher rate than that because most intersex conditions don’t make your sex more complicated than male or female so only a small percentage of intersex conditions overall make people’s biological sex complicated.)

Shut the fuck about PCOS. My condition is not to be used in your arguments. Radfems have never used my condition against me or called me less of a woman for it, so you don’t get to say I’m less female for it either or tell me that you somehow know that radfems see PCOS sufferers that way. You’re the one who abused the existence of my condition and implies that I’m not fully female to make some backwards arguments. You’re the ones abusing the existence of my condition.

Going one step further than PCOS, shut up about women without a uterus or ovaries or post-menopausal women. We know they’re fucking women, dipshits. They’re still adult human females, just ones who are older, went through some trauma which resulted in surgical removal of their sex organs, or had a developmental issue in utero which resulted in them not developing certain organs. (See that I said developmental issue? Because you know what we call people who didn’t grow a uterus but that’s not a problem/issue at all? Men.)

A lot of your views of gender are based on stereotypes. A lot more than you’re willing to admit. You can try to pretend that you’re above all the stereotypes and I’m certain that you genuinely believe that you are, but no one has been able to define woman without referring to brain sex (which is normally just down to stereotypes and debunked anyway) or just straight up stereotypes. And so many people list various stereotypes as one of the reasons they knew that they were trans or non-binary. Even when people say that they don’t ‘feel connected to womanhood’ or whatever as a reason why they’re NB, it’s often because they’re androgynous or not completely feminine 100% of the time. They won’t ever admit that as being the reason, but you can see from how they speak about womanhood and their disconnect to it that it’s true.

Not everything is a fucking dog whistle! A dogwhistle is an inconspicuous term/phrase/symbol which a group uses and only those who are within the group recognise. Like how 88 is a white supremacist number because H is the 8th letter of the alphabet so it’s HH which is Heil Hitler or how ‘I just want the trains to run on time’ is a fascist phrase because it refers to people saying that Mussolini was bad but at least he got the trains to run on time. The only thing that might be considered a radfem dog whistle is TIM/TIF, not because it has a secret double meaning that only we recognise, but because it’s a term which radfems typically use and often isn’t understood outside of radfem circles. It stands for Trans Identified Male/Female and we mean exactly that. We don’t have things that secretly mean that trans people should die. We say exactly what we mean but you just choose to believe the secret meaning you made up over what we are directly telling you, probably because ‘I hate all trans people and I want them to all die’ isn’t something we say.

Saying that we only care about what genitals we have is a simplification of our views which is basically incorrect and used to ignore all our actual issues while making us out to look like creeps. Do you also not understand the homophobic history behind it? Being used against gay people to ask why they were so obsessed with what genitals someone had and why they couldn’t be with the opposite sex? (I’ll answer that: of course you don’t give a shit because you don’t care about homophobia or using homophobic rhetoric which supports your ideology.) We don’t actually care about if someone has a dick or vagina. We care about the fact that the dick havers were raised with male socialisation and that means that they experience life differently from us. We care about the fact that the penis owners are much more likely to abuse women and that far too many will do whatever it takes to be around vulnerable women so that they can abuse them. We care about the fact that we have faced specific issues because we have vaginas both directly (eg: menstruation and childbirth) and indirectly (eg: period stigma, medical misogyny, catcalling, and other forms of discrimination) and we want spaces away from the very people who uphold this misogynistic system to be able to discuss our issues openly. But you constantly ignore all of these issues and make it out to be just about genitals because you ignore our arguments and want to make it out like we’re fucking idiots.

‘Here’s six women. One of them is a trans woman. Guess who’ Isn’t the argument that you think it is. Firstly, literally no one is saying that trans people cannot pass at all. No one. Of course we understand that SOME trans people do pass really well and we would never be able to differentiate them from actual women. Secondly, just because they appear like women doesn’t make them women. They are still biologically male and hence a man. It really doesn’t matter how feminine or well passing they are; they’re men. Thirdly, it is not representative of all trans people. Yes, some people pass well but the photos you show are almost exclusively of rich models who are wearing heavy makeup and who’ve had extensive work done which isn’t accessible to most trans people and you’re basically telling them that if they can’t pass so well then they must not be women. Isn’t that wrong by your own ideology? Fourthly, you really going to do that and then accuse us of saying that women must be feminine? Really? And finally, this is almost always used as a trap against us, hence why we often refuse to respond, but you’re not proving anything. You’re not fighting against any of our arguments; you just think you’re fighting against the whole sexual dimorphism and generally being able to tell women and men apart but being able to generally do something doesn’t mean that there aren’t exceptions? Exceptions don’t make the rule.

I’m not here to argue about what I would believe in some theoretical utopia. I’m here to argue about what is happening in reality. I’ve heard the line ‘but would sex be important if we lived in a society which didn’t discriminate against people by their sex/gender aside from when medically necessary?’ way too much. And the answer is no, but we don’t live in that world and that world is not going to exist within my lifetime at the very least, probably not for centuries. We live in a world where women are treated differently because of their sex. We live in a world where period stigma and medical misogyny and catcalling and rape and domestic violence and devaluation of women’s labour all exist, among other deeply misogynistic issues. So me fighting to get people to recognise that sex is an important characteristic and defending it’s legal protections is not because I deeply believe that it should be an important thing, but because the way in which women are treated by society, particularly at the hands of men, shows that we have built a world in which someone’s sex is an important characteristic and which will affect many aspect of our lives and hence we need to recognise the reality of the world in which we live in. If the end goal is to build a world in which sex is irrelevant outside of medicine then we first need to recognise why it’s not a reality now and work to fix that rather than pretending that everyone’s going to go along with us and misogyny will completely disappear overnight or arguing the what-ifs of this purely theoretical world that we will not live to see.

Radical feminism is about freeing women from their sex-based oppression and fighting for sex-based rights. As a result, males of all genders all inherently excluded from our feminism. To say that we exclude trans people completely is ignoring the fact that trans men and AFAB non-binary people are included in our fight for women’s rights because, regardless of how they identify, they have and will continue to be oppressed on the basis of their sex and they deserve rights to protect them from that discrimination. Your unhappiness that we’re only including people on the basis of their sex is not my fucking problem. Your unhappiness over trans women specifically not being included is not my fucking problem. Movements which seek to free people from their oppression don’t owe it to you to include everyone, they only have to include the oppressed people that they are fighting for. Your inability to understand that is not my fucking problem and only goes to show your entitlement.

If you don’t argue with me in good faith, don’t except me to argue in good faith either. If you’re going to twist my words, ignore what I say, tell me my sources are wrong with no evidence (or tell me that it’s not a source you like/trust enough), and refuse to respond to many of my points then don’t expect me to do the same. I have tried way too many times to argue in good faith only to end up having my points ignored, my sources dismissed, my words twisted if not just straight up having words put into my mouth. If you are not going to be open minded when you talk to me, don’t expect me to put the time in to explain things to you. If you are rude or dismissive or ignoring me or not asking questions, I’m not going to put in all the mental and emotional labour to explain concepts to you and you have not ‘won’ the argument if I have enough and stop responding. You are not owed our time and effort and you should never expect it just because you claim that you ‘really want to learn’.

Please learn some critical thinking skills. I know radfems say this all the time, but I really mean it. If not to understand radfems more, but to be critical of literally all the information that you absorb. I am tired of explaining to people that just because you don’t like or trust the source (like the Daily Mail) doesn’t mean that the actual story itself is untrue. Newspapers like this are incredibly bias and will publish stories which feed into their specific narrative, but it doesn’t mean that what they publish is actually false? Unless you can actually find a source which can tell me that whatever story I’m showing you never happened/was objectively false, I’m going to keep using it. A story which goes against your beliefs doesn’t make it a fake. Biases in newspapers come from the stories which they choose to publish (or not publish), the details they focus on, and the wording they use. My favourite example of this is a few years back when every newspaper was publishing articles about how the Labour and Tory proposed budgets were never going to work/actually balance because the assumptions they used weren’t right. The Daily Mail, however, published only that Labour’s proposed budget wasn’t going to work. Was the story correct? Yes. Did they purposefully leave out information which therefore gave a bias perspective of the two budgets? Absolutely. If you throw everything out which has any biases (which was a thing a TRA I argued with claimed you should do and said that was what they were taught to do), you would have to throw out literally everything ever written. Instead, it’s significantly better to be critical of what you read and understand what biases are in place and why.

#I will probably be adding to this list at some point #also interesting that when TRAs used to come and ate on my blog that my pinned post was often a target #make some stupid little hate comment about inclusive language #telling me that I am *inclusive language* so it’s factually correct/accurate #or telling me about the importance of inclusive language because OBVIOUSLY I just hate it because I don’t understand #but this #this they’re silent on #radical feminism #trans ignorance #gender critical #masterpost

[fyodorloveclub]

I’m so confused about omegaverse. What’s going on, what’s that about? help

*cracks knuckles*

ok first off i'll start by saying that omegaverse varies a lot even just from fic to fic and can look pretty different based on the plot/just what the author wants, this is just a general outline. also i’m not like an expert or anything just a horny motherfucker who loves omegaverse

everything under the cut bc this got long 💀 lmk if you have any other questions plssss

so in the omegaverse there are 3 "secondary genders": omega, alpha, and beta. omegas are quite literally submissive and breedable, alphas are dominant/the ones doing the breeding, and betas are just like. normal people. (these titles are where the term a/b/o comes from) you almost never see betas in a/b/o fics, and are now irrelevant in this explanation adlkfjsk

typically, most omegas are females and most alphas are males, with omega males (OM for this explanation) and alpha females (AF) being rare but still exist. what can vary a lot is what genitals omega males and alpha females have, and that's just entirely based on author preference. sometimes they just have normal genitals, sometimes OM have vaginas and dicks (usually small) and AF have vaginas and their clits grow into dicks fbdakfjsfoklsdj. OM can get pregnant and AF can impregnate but they're often less fertile and sometimes infertile. again its just author pref

all omegas are supposed to be mated to an alpha, that's just like. how it goes. and an omega is officially "mated" with a mating mark, aka just like a pretty deep bite into their neck/shoulder that's usually visible so others can know they're mated. like a wedding ring but weirder. and officially mating someone is usually a pretty serious thing. they also scent their omegas. oh yeah ok both alphas and omegas have scents, with omegas usually being sweeter and alphas usually being muskier.

something specific to omegas is that they have “nests” which in modern au’s is usually just their bed and typically has lots of blankets and pillows stuffed animals and other things that make them feel safe and comfortable. they’ll also have things that have their alpha’s scent on it like clothes bc it’s comforting. when in heat, it’s very distressing for an omega to be out of their nest

*cracks knuckles again* time to get into heats and ruts!

heats: omegas go into heat once every 3-ish months for about a week. it’s similar to a period in which they bleed and cramp and stuff but it’s key feature is that they are INSANELY horny and desperately need to be bred/knotted/scented by an alpha (we’ll get back to knotting in a sec) to a point where they’re almost in a type of subspace. it mirrors an actual animal’s heat

ruts: alphas go through something similar but on the other end: they desperately need to breed and fuck an omega. in both cases the person is like fucking insatiable and need to fuck nearly nonstop. and a lot of people take heat/rut suppressants so it’s not as strong

a LOT of fics focus on the heat/rut aspect of omegaverse like that’s usually the main course yum

key part of both heats and ruts: knotting! it’s when the base of the alpha’s dick swells so it essentially is stuck inside the omega and they have no choice but to cum inside them lmao

other little things that aren’t like that important but i like: omegas purr and alphas “croon” as a soothing thing for their mate.

anyway i think you should read a few fics and dip your toes in the water of a/b/o bc it’s honestly such an interesting concept but also don’t bc it’s like quicksand and a mind disease

#this is my magnum opus #im a little bit humiliated #voices in my head #demons

[sharpth1ng]

Bruh it’s so true what you said about nonbinary as a label cuz that would assume that there is a binary. There’s no binary when it comes to gender or sex. Literally fucking “man” and “woman” are nonbinary cuz there is no fucking binary to begin with. “Male” and “Female” aren’t binary sexes cuz intersex variations literally exist and not everyone is born XX or XY. There is no fucking binary, surly I’m not the only one that this makes sense to

YUP.

Before I get into this I want to say I’ve heard intersex people saying they don’t want to be brought up in this argument (I think because it can feel to them like they’re just a talking point, and their rights are often forgotten in conversations about trans rights- eg. the argument “no children are being forced to go on hormones” is true for endosex kids, but not for intersex kids (whether they’re trans or cis).

I don’t mention that to shut you down or anything, I only bring it up because I’m not intersex (as far as I know, I’ve never had my chromosomes tested) and I’m trying to be as inclusive as possible when making arguments that sex isn’t binary. My rights and needs are aligned with the rights and needs of intersex people but I also recognize that they have rights and needs that differ from mine and I want to support them and elevate their voices whenever possible.

I want to acknowledge that there are multiple definitions of what “intersex” means- some that define it merely as having different sets of chromosomes and others that define it more broadly as “ people born with atypical and stigmatised sex characteristics that do not meet stereotypical expectations for men or women.” I think that second definition is good and more inclusive but I also want to point out that it relies on the idea that there is a “norm”.

For example, most medical establishments don’t consider PCOS to be intersex, but many people with PCOS consider themselves intersex. The point I’m trying to make here is that all of this is based on the idea of a “norm” existing, and that means that someone (a biased human being) has to decide what that norm is.

So some of what I’m about to talk about may be considered intersex, and while I’m trying to avoid using that community as a talking point I also think it’s important to talk about the flawed way that science discusses sex and sex differentiation in general, and it’s difficult to do that while completely avoiding anything that might be considered intersex for someone, given the breadth of definitions the term has.

Some of the people with the traits described below may be considered intersex and some others would not. The reality is that biological sex differentiation doesn’t stop after birth, and our bodies can develop in a variety of ways that align our needs with the needs of the intersex community regardless of whether or not we were categorized that way at birth.

One example of this is that genitals exist on a spectrum- there is no either or, they start from the same tissue and what they end up looking like just depends on how much hormone exposure they had and what hormones they were exposed to. It’s not scientifically a binary. Like. It’s not. It’s a genital spectrum. So what determines the cut off of “atypical”? How does a doctor decide that someone is so “atypical” that they should be categorized as intersex when they are born? The answer is it’s arbitrary.

Beyond that, even the effect that hormones have on you depends heavily on what kinds of receptors you have, how efficient those receptors are, where they are, and how dense they are where they exist, and these effects may not be visible until long after birth during puberty.

This gives rise to the wide variety of ways that hormones can affect the body regardless of chromosomes or anything else- there are cis, endosex men with xy chromosomes who have less body hair than I had before I transitioned, and there are cis endosex women with more body hair and a nicer beard than any of the grown men I know.

For people that study sexual development it is notoriously hard to use biological features to categorize sex in a way that gives reliable medical information. And this is where I’m about to talk about some things that are under the intersex umbrella for sure, but which are also used by medical professionals and scientists when defining sex.

Most people don’t have their chromosomes tested, and even if you have the chromosomes expected for your AGAB it’s possible that another gene won’t express the protein needed to trigger gonad development.

Or you can have the expected chromosomes and all the other necessary genes being expressed and forming functional proteins, so your gonads match your chromosomes, but your gonads don’t produce hormones, or you don’t produce the receptors needed for your body to respond to those hormones, so your genitals and secondary sex characteristics (body hair, breasts, ect) don’t develop in the direction some people would expect based on your chromosomes.

Functionally I would say what matters medically is for all people, intersex or endosex: what body parts do you have, what organs do you have, and what hormones are you dominant with? And none of those questions are answered definitively by the question: are you male or female? Imo that question obscures a lot of important information and likely leads to a lot of medical mistreatment. But beyond that none of it is relevant to the social categories “Male” and “female”.

Like, what even is my “biological sex”? I don’t know what my chromosomes are, I haven’t been tested. I know I have ovaries, but my body is testosterone dominant and it has been for years. If I want effective medical care that’s the information my doctor needs, and “I’m biologically female” doesn’t tell them that.

Finally I just want to say that I’m extremely open to criticism from the intersex community. If you are intersex and you feel that this discussion uses you as a talking point or otherwise misrepresents you please let me know and I will happily change it or take it down.

You don’t even need to openly reply or message me if you don’t feel comfortable doing that, you can send me an anon ask to tell me the issues you have with it. I won’t publish the ask if you don’t want me to.

Realistically there are far more intersex people in the world than we know, because chromosomal testing doesn’t happen unless something seems “wrong” (in quotes because sometimes this just means that society considers it atypical regardless of whether it is harmful to the individuals health.). There are cis men walking around with ovaries and penises and testosterone dominant bodes that will never know, and that’s just one example.

#sex is not a binary and treating it that way is a great way to miss medically relevant information #intersex issues #trans issues #ask

[fionacle]

read tags before proceeding i’m still talking about gross stuff (long post)

this post isn’t saying that you can’t/shouldn’t want a baby/to be pregnant/to give birth, but it does talk about why one wouldn’t want to, so if you’d rather not read then don’t. note that if any information is inaccurate that’s because the most research i did for this post was googling ‘are babies parasites’ and reading the first sentence of the first result. i am 17 and have never been pregnant or done anything that could get me pregnant. this is a post about fears and discomforts based on observations and memories. this also refers to having vagina + boobs, not everyone who gives birth has boobs, and some HAD a vagina but don’t anymore, but the typical people who try to force kids on you are cis people with typical genitals, so i want to talk about them. especially since i, while being trans and having dysphoria about my chest, have those parts myself. if there’s any part of the pregnancy experience i describe as negative that you see otherwise please don’t be mad, once again this is a post about how i feel.

it’s so bizarre to me that it’s so expected to want to. i know why it’s the norm, when you have such a big milestone in your life you expect it for other people, most people get paternal instincts, and having babies continues the species. but think about it. i won’t get into why you may or may not want to make a baby but there’s artificial insemination anyway so what does it matter. my point is i’m uncomfortable with being intimate, and don’t want someone else’s dna inside me, so that’s step one off the shelf so easily, and all anyone can say is ‘you’ll grow out of those feelings’ (which only makes someone angrier about the thought of pregnancy).

anyway now you have one in you. it’s growing. there is an organism inside of you. people talk about that as so pleasant, but it feels like an alien movie to me. i don’t think baby’s are actually technically parasites, but they function a lot like one in my opinion. they’re attached to you. they suck out your resources for themselves. no matter what you do there is a living thing inside of you and that is a horror i cannot begin to fathom being desirable. did you know lice live under your skin? to me having a baby within me sounds comparable to having a tapeworm. then there’s complications. if you have a miscarriage, you may have to carry a corpse within you to term. dead flesh inside of you. for months. things like that. you get hormones that make you obsessive, rearranging your “nest”, strange cravings. and you have to restrict your intake for the health of the baby. eat more vegetables so it gets vitamins, i don’t anyway but not drugs or alcohol because that could mess up the baby. no excessive activity for most because it could hurt the baby if you fall on your stomach or something, later in the pregnancy the baby bump may be so big some activities aren’t even an option anymore.

now you’re giving birth. ow. fucking ow. labor sucked and you soaked your pants with the water breaking. assuming you’re having a hospital pregnancy, you better pray you have someone you love in the room holding your hand. you better pray the pain medicine kicks in. no matter what, you feel a little body shoving through your hole, and some fuckin guy’s head is between your legs. they’re saying ‘push! push!’ but you barely know what that means! what if the baby comes out feet-first and gets choked by the umbilical cord? this thing you worked so hard to get could just die before you even hold it. assuming you WANT the baby, that’s a huge loss too, and you’ll probably have a whole room prepared that you’ll never be able to look at again without dying a bit, will you give up or try again? another 3/4 year dedicated to some creature you’ve never met and don’t know the fate of. you could also have a c-section, wow a tummy scar that’s fun. that pregnancy and birth could’ve killed you. if you’d had an abortion it could’ve killed you too.

you could also adopt.

so you have your baby. what’s the problem now? first off, potential health problems. what if your baby has a bad heart? what if it’s missing skin on its face or has some other deformity? you should love your child just the same and this doesn’t diminish their worth, but you were expecting a perfect one. a healthy one. maybe you knew about the complications before the birth, but now you have to look at them on your own baby.

your baby is home. you now have to spend a fortune feeding and clothing and teaching it. can you afford that? can you handle the responsibility? do you have others in your life willing to help? if you can’t handle this baby and give it away, will the hormones your body made to make you attached to this baby tear you apart? you’re still lactating, if you don’t empty your boobs that’s gonna swell and hurt and maybe even get infected. what if you keep the baby, but give it all the same traumas your parents gave you. what if you miss milestones? what if there’s another caretaker actively hurting your child but you don’t know how to stop them?

you’ll lose friends too. child—havers tend to stick together, and it’s not all, but there are people without kid who will leave you for having them. they think you’re boring now, or you just can’t relate to each other anymore. your life is your baby, and now you’re not your own person anymore. your child will struggle to see you as a full person too, since you’re their god. you can choose to prioritize yourself, but then aren’t you a bad parent?

your baby grows up. your baby is in school. they’re not your baby, they’re your kid. they’re getting bullied. what do you do? will the pain and shock of your little one being a victim make you scream at them? will you have any actually helpful advice?

your child is even older now. uh oh, they’re showing signs of neurodivergence. maybe even queerness. if you’re against these things, you’ll push back and make them hide themself from you and others, maybe even themself, hurting them in the long run. you don’t know how to deal with these things, you didn’t sign up for this, why couldn’t you just have a normal kid? even if you’re neurodivergent yourself the added responsibility of a child with “special” needs is no easy thing to manage.

your child gets older. they wrecked your car. shit. can you afford to fix that? what’s an appropriately-sized punishment?

they’re 18. they’re leaving you. empty nest. you threw away your life for theirs, what do you do now? the pieces from the trash have all climbed out and moved on, you can’t just pick them up again. you barely even have friends anymore. what the fuck do you do?

and then you have to face your own death twice as much. when i die, will my child have the abilities and resources to care for themself?

so just in case you were ever unsure how to defend not wanting kids, outside of a simple lack of desire, here this is. if you’re the forcing type, hopefully this changes how you go about things, or at least makes you a bit more understanding.

pregnancy can kill you physically, but the toll carrying and raising a child take on you mentally? what part of that is worth it if you don’t REALLY want a kid? and even then, if you assess yourself as an unfit parent (abuse/neglect/etc.), you shouldn’t go for it. it’d be an incredibly corrupt and horrible system, but i think about that baby license idea a lot.

#pregnancy #alcohol mention #abuse mention #hospital mention #birth #i just have this stuff on my mind a lot #ferrenpost #genitalia #genital mention #again this isn’t saying you can’t have a positive experience with pregnancy and birth #female genitalia #long post #rant

[thechekhov]

Hi! I saw on a post that you're agender and I'm kinda questioning my gender (again) but what interested me more about that post was that you said you believe that gender is a social construct and I'm not really familiar with that theory. I was wondering if you could explain to me what the whole idea is? (bc I kinda only feel like a have a gender in social situations? In my head, my dreams and how I picture myself in the future, I'm genderless idjskahwksjejensj) Sorry for bothering you if I did.

This is a BIG topic and it opens a LOT of wormholes. 

We’re gonna do this in pie slice statements that will hopefully help explain what I mean. Please keep in mind I’m going to simplify many things for the sake of readability.

1) What is a social construct? 

Social constructs are ideas that are negotiated by social groups. Something being a social construct does not make it ‘not real’. 

For example, money is a social construct. Yes, we have cash - coins, credit cards - but these are physical props that are REPRESENTATIVE of the idea of currency. You have some form of credit to your name - the money is a socially agreed-upon idea of value being represented by bills in your hand, by numbers in your bank account. 

[Description: Two humanoid figures are standing side by side. The right-side figure is holding a rock in its hand. 

Right side figure: Let’s agree that this shiny rock is worth 2 sheep.

Left side figure: Sounds fake but ok.]

Technically, countries are also social constructs. We, as a society, negotiate what a country is, and this can be changed.

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of a dotted line drawn on the ground. The left figure is pointing down at it while the right figure watches, its arms crossed.

Left figure: Let’s pretend that everything on this side of the imaginary line is mine.

Right figure: ...ok but my house is over there.

Left figure: ... for 3 shiny rocks you can come visit.]

Does that mean canada isn’t real? No. (I mean, obviously canada ISN’T real, but we all agree to pretend it is.) The thing that makes it real is that we are in agreement, and all follow the social rules of pretend to make it seem like the Canadian border, the idea of Canadian citizenship, etc... is an objective fact. (It’s not. These are in fact, negotiable limits and parameters. We have laws in place to define it in legal terms, but those laws can be changed, or may change in the minds of communities. That’s why it’s a construct.)

By that same token, I hold the view that gender, as we largely perceive it in modern society, is a construct. Why? Because it is not inherent; we, as a society, negotiate its meaning. 

2) What is gender? 

People will probably fight me on this and that’s fine, but here’s my (simplified) understanding of gender (from someone who personally has none)

Gender is a social category negotiated by cultures based on your assigned or desired role in your community that influences, among many other things, your physical appearance, your role in family units, your expected position in jobs, etc. 

How I think it happened:

[Description: Two figures are standing on either side of the panel, both holding children-looking figures. The one on the left is wearing purple. The one on the right is wearing green.

Green figure: Hey, I’ve got an idea. What if we separate the babies into two groups based on physical traits they have no control over?

Purple figure: Wh-- okay...?

Green figure: And then limit the jobs they can do and the community ritual involvement available to them based on that!

Purple figure: ... I feel like this is going to backfire on us someday.

Green figure: Nah, it’ll be fine.

The past panel is a dramatic closeup on the purple figure’s face - which is featureless - betraying a deeply doubtful emotion. It says nothing.]

Important points to remember: what gender looks like, what the limits are, what the expectations are... are not inherent to any human biology. We make up gender roles. This is evident in the fact that across the world, gender roles differ by culture. The positions people of a certain gender are allowed to take up are different. What is perceived to be ‘girly’ or ‘boyish’ is different across cultures. 

Simply speaking - currently the (western) model we have, dumbed down, is:

You are assigned male at birth because of physical characteristics

You are raised being told to ‘toughen up’ and ‘boys don’t cry’ and encouraged not to show emotions

You are taught to wear male-coded clothes and discouraged from female-coded fashion choices

You are given more opportunities to participate in sports, encouraged to engage in physical activity, etc

You are not expected to need time off for child-rearing 

Here’s where gender as it works in society breaks down into being not a real thing but instead something we thought up: 

Nothing about having a penis necessitates wearing pants. Nothing about having XY chromosomes means you need to keep your hair short. Nothing about your genome makes the experience of nail-polish different for any human being. 

All of these are arbitrary traits we decided were allowed or not allowed to a specific group of people based on entirely unrelated physiology. 

Even if we delve deeper, there is MORE variation among individuals of the same ‘sex’ than there are, on average, of members of the ‘opposite sex’ when compared to each other. 

Many people use the excuse ‘women are physically not as strong as men’ to say that this has an evolutionary aspect driving these cultural, historical, socially-constructed gender requirements. 

But if there was a physical reasoning behind the culturally-set gender-limited job expectations, then we actually WOULDN’T need a traditional binary gender system to sort ourselves into categories. It would simply be decided as a meritocracy - stronger individuals, regardless of gender, would be given physically-demanding jobs. (Also we know that many jobs thought to be ‘traditionally male’ are just the result of sexist bullshit, so this reasoning doesn’t fly any further than I can throw it which is, coincidentally, not very far. Politics is one such area. Doctors are another. We can go on but I think you get my drift.)

My own example of this is an anecdote when my grandparents came to visit my partner and I in Japan. While we were driving down to Tokyo, my grandmother - who has a PhD in entomology - began to say that driving is a masculine activity and women shouldn’t be driving as it was ‘un-woman-like’. My partner almost immediately fired back that in Japan, studying insects or having any interest in them whatsoever was considered a heavily masculine-coded activity. In Russia, there is no such assignment, and my grandmother was left silently blinking in confusion, unable to come up with any excuse except ‘well, all cultures are different, I suppose...’

Do either of these things inherently have a gendered aspect? Of course not! But we assign gendered ideals to them anyway.

3) If gender is made up and constructed by society, then does that mean trans people aren’t real?

No.

Even if you agree that gender is a social construct, trans people are still real. TERFs don’t get a pass. Why? 

Because gender - as a social construct - still affects our everyday lives, dictates our social position in our community. Transitioning is still a thing that has to happen. The fact that you are NOT easily able to decide your own gender and are ostracized for wanting to transition, abused for dressing the way you want to be perceived, and bullied for wanting people to refer to you with different pronouns - all those are the effects of a social construct that has very REAL impact on our lives.

This is also why I dislike defining trans-ness by dysphoria. Because transgender people are not only their suffering - the suffering is coming from the outside!! Many trans people remember not being concerned about their gender identity in their childhood, because they did not yet perceive the world as being hostile to their desire to fulfil a specific role in society. The issues and self-hatred and dysphoria begins when they express wanting to be themselves - a life which they are forbidden from pursuing based on physical characteristics they were born with.

Does this mean we should try to remove gender from society? If we constructed it, we can deconstruct it, right?

Realistically, I highly doubt this is possible. Gender is so ingrained in our daily lives that it would be difficult. Nor, I would say, would it be necessary to achieve world peace. 

Having social groups - having gender - isn’t inherently a bad thing. The bad thing is when we limit those social groups to specific basic human rights, like voting, or when we forbid them from transitioning from one to another based on things that are out of their control. 

Also, I’m not saying genitals and secondary sexual characteristics aren’t real. Please don’t bother sending me that angry message, I’ll ignore it, I promise. 

But the concept of gender IS something we thought up and maintain and negotiate with each other to this very day. It’s not granted to us by a higher power, nor is it a constant, unchanging thing. It’s a part of the human experience and like everything, it has the potential to evolve - as a concept in our communal memory, as well as on an individual level, for people who feel they want to be perceived differently. 

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk!

#hiimholalate #gender #agender #queer stuff #gender is a social construct #social construct #genderqueer #long post

[baited-beth]

My close friend, a TRA, has just gone home after spending the night and god did we have a deep and difficult discussion on women's rights and tran's rights... I love her and I'm so thankful she's happy to remain good friends and wants to plan to meet up soon, but we just really really disagree on this and I'm emotionally exhausted. She's so intelligent, but she is absolutely blind to the flaws in her arguments. Practically all of her reasons for disagreeing with me are:

dismissing the points without really engaging in them and saying that that's obviously not what's happening

saying that they're just headline fodder intended to cause outrage

simply stating that my point is hateful (rather than biological fact)

believing that a study should be dismissed because it hasn't been repeated/she doesn't trust the conditions it was conducted in (although lack of study into puberty blockers is fine🤔)

a seemingly willful belief that women can't be subject to male violence if the male person states they are trans

A general lack of understanding in the differences between male and female bodies and how puberty works

She got really uncomfortable when I asked her what a woman was. She tried to say it was anyone who identified as a woman. So I pointed out you can't use a word in its definition, and asked again. She said that it was anyone was felt more comfortable with the woman's shape or clothes etc. I tried pointing out that was a sexist assumption of what a woman was. Does that mean butch lesbians aren't women? She kept distracting from the point by implying I was only asking the question as an excuse to exclude trans women.

I also asked her why a 12 year old child bride was being married off and she responded "power and paedophilia". Okay, so why isn't it happening to 12 year old boys? If a 12 year old boy goes round telling everyone he's actually a girl, they aren't going to marrying him off. Apparently it probably does happen to 12 year old boys and I'm making a generalisation.

FGM. Who does that happen to? People with female genitals apparently. Why? "Power. And not wanted them to feel pleasure". Okay, so why is that not happening to boys? "Well it's happening to trans boys." Right, but what do they have in common with the girls? It's happening because they're female and they can't identify out of it. Apparently this argument isn't helpful because we really should be talking about the UK where this isn't particularly prevalent (which I wish I had countered now).

I pointed out the yearly stats for the number of trans people killed is actually mainly trans women who have been prostituted in Brazil and South America, and that actually the number is either 1 or 0 in the UK. Apparently she knows anecdotally that the number is far higher and thinks suicide should be included. I tried to point out that suicide isn't necessarly occurring because they're not being accepted as trans, but instead because they have mental health issues that have not been solved by transitioning.

We didn't get too deep into trans athletes, but she seems to think that oestrogen and surgery significantly reduces male strength to female levels... similar to how she's convinced that puberty restarts straight away once you come off puberty blockers. Completely misinformed on how different hormones and puberty affects bodies based on their sex.

She had no idea about the Karen White case. Apparently that kind of thing shouldn't happen because the crimes of the 'trans women' should be taken into account when they're transferred to a women's prison. I'm annoyed I forgot to bring up the recent ruling on this. I also tried to argue that a number of men were starting to pretend they were trans to be transferred and she again argued that the prison services should be able to separate the real from the fake, and she made a big thing about how trans people need to live in their chosen gender for a year before they're allowed a GRA so obviously prisons wouldn't allow it until they'd done this (laughably false). My point that the prison service can't make that decision without being labelled transphobic fell on deaf ears. I even pointed out that in California they out condom machines in women's prisons because of this and she dismissed it as something that probably got made up and blown out of proportion for headline fodder. She also seemed to think that I was wrong to point out that male people were more likely to be violent and that trans women were male. Apparently this shouldn't apply because they're trans women?

Oh, the best bit was when I asked why women and children should be subjected to a penis in a single sex changing room. Apparently "trans women don't go into changing rooms just to wave their dicks in people's faces". And rather than them, as a very small population, making women feel safe by taking a third option for changing spaces, women should accept them and deal with it if they feel uncomfortable.

When I pointed out that men will take advantage of the safeguarding loopholes created by gender ideology, her basic argument was that will men access those spaces if they want to regardless so it makes no difference. Which absolute amazed me? She was almost angry with me for suggesting the safeguarding needs to exclude some people in order to protect a bigger group. There was a lot of refusal to admit that women are more vulnerable to male violence and so need single sex spaces.

There was so much else we talked about and I'm proud of myself for actually sticking to my guns and having examples and difficult questions to back up my corner. But it amazes me how willingly blind she is. She really is spouting out the same lines I see all over TRA's blogs and twitter feeds without actively engaging with what they mean. She also said she thought she was being 'quite generous' with me about some of my opinions which... given she couldn't actually give a definition of what a woman is?

Anyway, we parted friends and agreed that we would exchange books so we could get out of our own bubbles. I'll read Detrasition Baby if she reads Trans by Helen Joyce. Hopefully some of what I said will stick with her and she will begin to question things more.

I feel like I should add links to all my above points but right now I just need a nap.

#feminism #radfem #radical feminism #terfs please interact #terf safe #terfs do interact #gender ideology

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Why is it that people seem to always support trans women more than trans men?

 Lee says:

If you’re part of an online forum community that is primarily transfeminine, for example, then there’s going to be a lot of resources for transfeminine people.

But if you’re part of an online forum community that is primarily transmasculine, for example, then there’s going to be a lot of resources for transmasculine people. 

And just as there are particular online spaces and communities that tend to be predominated by a certain group, there are also IRL ones that are primarily transmasculine or primarily transfeminine even if they are not explicitly defined as such. 

If you feel like you aren’t being supported enough in the space you’re currently in, see if you can find a community that does focus around the resources you’re looking for! 

As an example- you may have noticed that the transmasculine post-op community on Tumblr is pretty small. There definitely are multiple bloggers out there, and I think I actually follow all of them, but this isn’t really a thriving hub of phalloplasty information or support, or a large community of transmasculine folks who are post-op and post-transition (Thanks, Tumblr NSFW ban!).

So instead, I seek out the spaces where the community I want to be a part of actually is gathering. Now I’m part of many different transmasculine lower surgery groups on Facebook (over 20 of em lol), I’ve attended IRL transmasculine lower surgery support group meetings in person, and now I’m in two different Zoom-based transmasculine bottom surgery support groups. 

I also believe that if you want to see more of a particular thing, you should be a part of putting that thing out there! So I still maintain my transition sideblog here on Tumblr, where I will eventually document my phallo when I get stage 1 in May. And that’s how I support the transmasculine community, in my own way. So if you want to see more supportive posts for transmasculine folks, start typing!

We also have to remember that uplifting transfeminine doesn’t automatically occur at the expense of support for transmasculine people. We aren’t trying to tear each other down, so being resentful of the transfeminine community for the people who support them isn’t a good look. Transfeminine people can never have “too much” support!

I do think that there are certain spaces online that tend to focus on positivity and support for transfeminine folks, and there’s nothing wrong with that- again, yes, transfeminine people do deserve support! Transfeminine people often face the brunt of society’s violent transphobia, and it’s important that we recognize the way that trans women specifically are targeted more than other groups are. 

Trans women are often hypervisible and a lot of transphobic movements are aimed at them as a result; bathroom bills because transphobes don’t want “men” in women’s bathrooms, banning trans athletes because transphobes don’t want “men” to take over women’s teams, trans people being banned from gendered homeless shelters because transphobes don’t want “men” to sleep in the same room as women, and so on. When you listen to any of these politicians who support these gross things, you’ll hear them constantly talk about the “danger” that trans women pose (while insisting on gendering them as “men” and refusing to recognize that they’re even women). Trans men aren’t even an afterthought.

Being culturally hypervisible in the media means you’re the target of a lot of hate and the recipient of a lot of support, which is all happening at the same time. On the other hand, the transmasculine community at large is less visible in the media which means we often slip under the radar as a community which of course does tie into the erasure of the community. Transmasculine people more often slip under the radar on a personal level too, because many transmasculine people are able to pass by at least 5 years on testosterone and many choose to go stealth as soon as they’re able to.

That doesn’t mean that all transmasculine people can pass or want to pass, or that transmasculine people don’t face transphobia and violence either, or that the vitriol targeting trans women doesn’t invalidate us as well or affect our rights too, or that we shouldn’t get to share our experiences or ask for support. 

We can and should talk about transmasculine people’s experiences as well, and transmasculine voices shouldn’t be erased. Studies have shown that suicide attempt rate for trans boys is approximately 20.9% higher than it is for trans girls, for example, and there are many similar statistics showing that trans men struggle in many ways and face a lot of discrimination, which of course deserves acknowledgement.

Experiencing discrimination and subsequent mental health struggles isn’t something that should be glossed over, yet there are many pseduo-progressive folks in the LGBTQ/feminist communities whose posts can sometimes come across as “men are bad and trans men are men so they’re bad!” When you point out that there are plenty of marginalized men out there who need support, people are quick to say “Well, I’ll support you for being trans but I don’t need to support you because you’re a man since men have privilege and therefore perpetuate oppression!” But in the case of trans men, supporting someone for being trans is the same thing as supporting them in being a man, you can’t separate the two.

And you can spend all day talking about in what situations transmasculine people have access to male privilege and in what conditions the privilege applies and so on, but that is a separate conversation from the point here, which is everyone deserves support and that includes trans men (and gay men, and disabled men, and Black men, and Indigenous men, and Asian men, and so on). 

Things like body-shaming men for having neckbeards or small penises is seen as okay even though body-shaming women for having body hair or having small breasts is recognized as misogynistic. Sometimes folks respond by saying something like “you can’t oppress your oppressor” which... makes no sense in this context. Making people feel that their bodies are bad goes against the whole body-positive feminist movement, and that’s true no matter which people you think you’re targeting. 

It’s also pretty obvious that being a man doesn’t inherently make you a bad person, but a lot of the hate and anger directed at men (whether it’s posted as a joke or said seriously by someone who went through trauma) can make it difficult for trans men to recognize that they’re men because they don’t want to become the thing everyone hates. 

So how do we navigate allowing marginalized people to vent about groups who have privilege without causing collateral damage to other oppressed people? 

Some people have tried to solve it by saying “I hate only cis men, not trans men!” but then of course you’ve created a new issue which is the arbitrary distinguishment between a cis man and a trans man. A trans man can be just as misogynistic as a cis man, and being trans doesn’t mean anything about who you are as a person, all it says is something about the gender you were assigned when you were born.

When you say that you only hate cis men, you’re implying that you don’t hate trans men because you think they’re different than cis men in some way in their thoughts/behavior/actions which is a transphobic assumption. 

Or you’re saying you know that trans men and cis men can be identical in their thoughts/behavior/actions because they’re all men, so the reason you don’t hate trans men is ... ?? because they had certain genitals at birth (which they may not have anymore) ?? And that’s also transphobic because it’s saying you hate people solely because of their bodies which they can’t always control or change and implies having a particular type of body is morally wrong somehow or that your body makes you a bad person.

When someone makes a point of telling a trans man that they hate men, it’s sometimes a deliberate transphobic tactic used to make the person feel like having a male gender identity is inherently bad and makes you bad because it’s who you are, so the only way to become a good person is to not be a man which means not being transgender. And this is some how TERFs try and convince trans teens who were AFAB to re-identify as women instead of embracing being men. It’s hard to embrace being something that people have told you is problematic so people try to repress their feelings and ignore who they are.

Yet folks who don’t say “I hate all men” and instead say “the patriarchy sucks but it’s okay to be a man and not all men are bad” have found that statement controversial too. 

Even that phrase, “not all men,” is a red flag because it’s primarily used by the “men’s rights” folks who try and defend their misogyny and push their anti-feminist agenda while denying the ways that they personally benefit from the system. All men benefit from the system of patriarchy if they are recognized as men by the system, but that doesn’t mean every individual man is personally responsible for actively perpetuating oppression or that every man is a bad person.

So when someone points out the ways that men are taught to hate themselves by people who are constantly bashing on men in hurtful ways, or the struggles that men face (even if they aren’t struggles unique to men), there are people who just freak out because they think that acknowledging this is in some way trying to say that men can’t be oppressors, or that pointing it out is somehow delegitimizing women’s experiences or part of a pushback against women’s rights because the MRAs have tried to stake a claim over the entire topic.

So any nuanced conversation about ways that we actually can support men and break down oppression and uplift marginalized folks has been silenced because this toxic group has dominated the conversation and nobody wants to accidentally seem like they support those things, so they don’t support anything that focuses on men at all.

Similarly, when someone posts about something that affects trans men people (usually cis people TBH) often will respond with “trans women have it worse with that issue, and everything else too!” which isn’t a helpful response because while it’s important to recognize the way that trans women face multiple axes of oppression, uplifting trans women in a way that makes it impossible for another marginalized group to have a conversation doesn’t help anyone. It’s okay for some posts to not be about or for trans women without starting to play the Oppression Olympics games because transmasculine people also need support and space and allowing transmasculine people to talk about their experiences doesn’t mean that transfeminine people are being ignored.

All that being said, I would argue that people definitely don’t always support trans women more than trans men, and I wouldn’t even say that people usually do so. It very much depends on the space you’re in. While I do believe that there are a lot of positivity/supportive posts about trans women on Tumblr, this is, in many ways, a direct reaction to counter the large volume of hate that’s also actively being directed at trans women on Tumblr. And while there are plenty of “love trans women!” posts, there is also an issue with the lack of practical resources and material support for trans women because most of the content does not go beyond the surface level heart-emoji type post.

So in what I’ve noticed on Tumblr specifically (as this varies depending on the platform you’re using and the space you’re in), there can be more vocal (aka performative) support for trans women but it mostly tends to focus on their identities saying they’re valid women and so on but doesn’t give them much information or material support or anything else that I would deem a useful resource, whereas there might be less support for trans men in terms of “gender identity positivity for being male” but there’s more practical resources and information that they can use to aid in their transition.

Again, whatever you do, don’t complain that transfeminine people have too much support- that’s not the same thing as saying that you’d like more support for trans men struggling with X issue.

And yes, while we do have many things in common, there are some differences in the struggles the community faces and the experiences we have, and it’s okay to want to talk with other folks who are going through the same thing. That doesn’t mean that you don’t care about transfeminine people or that you think they should have a smaller platform or something, it just means you’d like support for your identity and transition (which is wholly unrelated to how much support there is or isn’t available for them).

So if you are looking for more support for trans men and feel like you aren’t getting what you need in the online or IRL spaces you’re currently moving in, you should try finding the spaces that are meant to be supportive communities for trans men and join them, whether they’re specific blogs, Facebook groups, Discord servers, or in-person/on-Zoom support groups, and also do what you can to create the support you want to see for your community!

#Lee says #not really sure what to tag this as #transphobia #discourse #suicide m #Anonymous #trans #transgender #nonbinary #lgbtq #lgbt #transgender teen survival guide #transgenderteensurvivalguide #TTSG

[vampish-glamour]

I agree with most of your views (Including nb’s using labels like lesbian), expect for the views on nb existence. The reasons I see most is that it doesn’t make sense or that nb’s are using gendered terms so they must be gendered or that it’s just people uncomfortable with the gender roles so I‘m just offering another perspective. 🧷1/?

I’m nb because the idea of being male/female gives me dysphoria. It’s not about the gender roles or anything, it’s the idea of having male/female genitals or being perceived as male/female. I try to portray myself as androgynous as possible. I have shorter hair in a pixie cut of sorts, I bind, I avoid wearing things that may make me seem more feminine or masculine, I wear gender-neutral clothing, I don’t use gendered terms like lesbian or gay man. 🧷 2/3

I admit that it may be some internalized transphobia or something but it’s just better for me and my mental health to just use the preferred name/pronouns and try to look as androgynous as I can. As for it not making sense, the human brain is complicated and not everything that it feels or experiences is going to make sense scientifically. It doesn’t make it not real, though. 🧷3/3

I appreciate you sharing your perspective!

I do want to say that “it not making sense” or “enbies use gendered terms therefore they aren’t genderless”, while being common points, is a bit of an oversimplification of things.

A lot of us don’t believe in nonbinary for scientifically based reasons—an example being that the way brains in relation to sex are understood currently makes the concept of a genderless/sexless brain unlikely to exist. (Here’s a really good post about it. And another, because both of these put it scientifically much better than I could ever put it.)

“It’s just being uncomfortable with gender roles” is true for what a lot of us think, though. Because this can go from small things like not being comfortable with traditional clothing, to not liking the societal view of certain body parts.

My opinion on nonbinary “dysphoria” is that there’s likely better explanations for it than being gender dysphoria in the way trans people experience it. Like body dysmorphia, internalized sexism, internalized transphobia, or even just distress around not wanting to be seen the way society views your sex. I think this especially because the vast majority of nonbinary people, in my experience, are female. And there are a lot of societal perceptions of female anatomy that don’t exist for male anatomy.

Here’s my line of thinking;

Gender dysphoria for a trans man would be distress over not being male. From what I understand, his brain would know his body is supposed to be male, and be able to pinpoint things that make it not male. Breasts, genitalia, higher voice, different bone structure, all that sort of thing. The brain would not recognize this as the male body it’s expecting to see in the mirror.

The key point is that the brain is expecting male features instead of female ones.

With nonbinary dysphoria, how would this work? If we say that a hypothetical genderless brain exists, what would it be looking for? How would it determine what a nonbinary body would look like, if nonbinary is not a human sex like male or female are? And how would one achieve a nonbinary body? Take away the breasts and be smooth like a ken doll? Are curves able to be considered nonbinary? How about muscles? And what about skin texture, body/facial hair, smell?

Breasts, genitals, curves, muscles, skin texture, body/facial hair, smell, etc. Are all things trans people take into consideration when transitioning. They’re things that can make somebody appear more or less male or female. Again, since there is no nonbinary sex, this is impossible to pinpoint for the idea of nonbinary bodies.

So, this is where my idea that nonbinary dysphoria is actually something else comes from. Because nonbinary dysphoria works so differently from trans gender dysphoria that I find it hard to consider it the same thing.

I think it’s really important to take into consideration other possibilities. I mentioned social implications/views of certain body parts, and I want to elaborate a little on that.

I’ll use female parts as an example, since I did say they tend to get more of a hard time than male parts.

Female bodies tend to be hyper-sexualized, and put into a very specific box of “submissive sexual object”. Breasts aren’t seen as ways to feed a baby anymore, they’re seen as sex objects. Female genitalia is mostly just reduced to a hole for sexual purposes. Women are expected to be hairless, smooth skinned, curvy in the right places yet still skinny, etc. I truly believe that this impacts how women see themselves and their bodies, including feeling detached from or uncomfortable with them.

So a female nonbinary person might feel greatly uncomfortable with their female body because of subconscious discomfort with how society has taught them to view their body... but also feels uncomfortable with having a male body because they’re not trans. This puts them into a place in the middle—not feeling comfortable being either male or female—that might feel like nonbinary dysphoria, despite not actually being gender dysphoria.

I really do recommend checking out the posts I linked above though, because this is all just my thoughts. Both of the posts talk about the more scientific side of things instead of just opinion or my personal like or thinking.

“As for it not making sense, the human brain is complicated and not everything that it feels or experiences is going to make sense scientifically. It doesn’t make it not real, though”

I agree, but as mentioned before, as science understands the human brain right now—nonbinary brains are very unlikely. It’s not that scientists are marvelling at a miraculous unexplainable phenomenon, they’re saying “here’s how we believe the brain works”, and people can easily make the conclusion that the current understanding makes nonbinary brains unlikely. So it’s absolutely fair to make the claim or theory that nonbinary is not a real biological thing, based on current scientific understanding.

I approach nonbinary in the same way I approach the existence of a god. Meaning, my reasoning for not believing in a god is pretty similar to not believing in nonbinary.

I, and many other atheists, don’t believe in a god partly because of lack of evidence. We don’t want to accept something as reality when there’s hardly anything to prove it to be real. In this case, there are many scientific theories that either better explain, or completely disprove things said in religious texts. This doesn’t mean that if there were rock hard evidence we’d plug our ears and ignore it. But until then, saying “I don’t believe in a god” is a fair statement because there’s no evidence to say otherwise.

The same goes for myself and others who don’t believe that nonbinary is a real biological concept. We don’t want to accept something as reality without evidence. Especially not when there are scientific theories that provide better explanations for nonbinary dysphoria, or disprove the idea of being biologically nonbinary. This doesn’t mean that if there were solid evidence for nonbinary dysphoria and being biologically nonbinary, we’d ignore it. But until we get that solid evidence, saying “I don’t believe in nonbinary” is a fair statement.

Just because nonbinary is something that people hold dear to their hearts as an “identity”, does not mean it is free from skepticism. People are allowed to be sceptical of claims that don’t hold factual weight. Whether that be claims of the divine like god, claims of the occult like ghosts, claims of fantastical creatures like rainbow unicorns, or claims of humans being genderless.

The problem only arises when people start blatantly ignoring scientific evidence or claiming it’s false without providing reason for that claim.

As far as it being better for your mental health goes, I understand. But I do encourage you to look deeper into the issue, because ultimately it’s better to identify what could actually be going on instead of just going with the easiest answer.

And keep in mind that just because you do something for your mental health doesn’t mean others have to accept it as reality.

However, I appreciate that you don’t use gendered terms. Even though I don’t exactly believe in nonbinary as a real thing biologically speaking, I don’t have as much as an issue with people who actually are consistent with it and are respectful to gay people as I do with the people who aren’t. And I certainly hold more respect for nonbinary people who genuinely believe they are experiencing gender dysphoria and don’t disrespect gay people or enforce gender roles than I do for the “I’m nonbinary because I like dresses AND suits and I’m also super gay!!” Types.

My thoughts on this are a bit hard to explain, as I’ve said with a lot of things it’s very clear in my head but hard for me to put into writing. So I hope that at least some of this makes sense lol.

#asks #anon

[system-of-a-feather]

why do you use the pan label when it has transphobic and biphobic origins and all definitions including current continue to be so? shopkin . tumblr. com / post / 643238541951975424 / heres-some-resources-on-why-pansexuality-is

Since when did I become a politician cause god you sound like a damn reporter and sir this is a damn Wendy’s.

Little pointer and tip, when it comes to social issues and things you feel might be problematic, its a lot more effective and beneficial to your cause and purpose to not approach people assuming the worst of them and being aggressive. Doing that puts everyone on edge, on the defensive, and automatically shuts down people from wanting to hear and listen to what you have to say. You aren’t promoting your cause, you aren’t lessening bigotry, you aren’t educating people. You are just turning people away from even listening to you and making people who share your opinion look bad.

If you actually care much about the transphobic and biphobic aspects of the pan label, you should probably bring it up more neutrally to people who you think use it and give them benefit of the doubt before indirectly assuming / insinuating that they are transphobic and biphobic for what could be A) a lack of knowledge or B) not immediately listening to you.

This kind of behavior is rude, toxic, and doing literally nothing to support your cause and literally everything to damage its reputation and credibility in the eye of the public. You shouldn’t send these aggressive accusatory messages to people like this based off an identity label they used in the tags on a blog where those topics are not the primary point of discussion.

I really respect your intent for lessening biphobia and transphobia, but don’t do this. 

To those reading this post and following me because I am here to post about trauma and dissociation related things, don’t do this for any topic of discourse or syscourse. Being hyper-aggressive, accusatory, and assuming the worst based off of the usage of a word doesn’t help educate anyone. If they use terms you think are wrong, give benefit of doubt and be polite about it. Else you are likely just making the entire movement look horrible.

People that do this have the communication and advocacy skills of a toddler. 

=====

Now that that is out of the way. If you actually asked, I actually use bi **more** than pan in my day to day usage because I already know bi is the umbrella term and it is also the easiest descriptor of what I am. I am both bi and pan because if you are pan, you are automatically bi. I already know that, which is why I typically use bi, unless I am trying to be more specific to who I am.

Because I, as a person, am actually not really so much attracted to men and women, as much as I am attracted to nonbinary / androgyne and specifically men and women who border androgyne. As of such, while I AM bi, I find myself personally annoyed and irritated by most of anything that implies a binary.

I know the history of bi is an umbrella term and that is why I still use it generally, but on my personal platforms, I like to use pan because I’m really really not fond of the name implication of “bi” when my actual attraction is neither male nor female but specifically a gray region in the middle. I am proud to be bi, I am bi, but if I am being me, I prefer pan because there isn’t really a sexuality label out there that isn’t MOGAI (Not that Mogai is bad, I just don’t like using the labels personally) to say “I am attracted to androgyne and men, women, and nonbinary people that are GNC” and while bi does cover that, it innately in the name implies two. 

I know bisexuality has always had that and I know bisexual doesn’t mean “cisgender male and females”, but as someone who is nonbinary, who likes androgyne, a “third gender” that likes “third gender” leaning people, labeling myself with something that has a name that implies two genders (even if it doesn’t actually mean it) just feels less than accurate to who I am and the values I hold by.

Bisexuality and pansexuality are literally the same thing and I literally use both. It is just on my personal expression of myself I prefer to use my preferred description that doesn’t have a name rooted in the gender binary.

I’m assuming, or at least hope for the sake of your argument, that you really must hate people just labeling themselves with what best describes them and I hope you also dislike neopronouns and get on people’s asses about that too, because pansexuality is just a label I use because the *name* is the only difference that matters to me. It is just a label. Not everyone who is pansexual is on this “uwu I don’t care about genitals I care about hearts” hatred or anything. I’m not superior to people who use bisexual just because I use pan, I am literally fucking bisexual as well. 

It’s just a label, let people use labels that make them comfortable and judge them if they start spewing bullshit about “uwu pan people are more woke because bi people care about genitals.” I literally just said I was pan in the tags of a post and MAYBE i put it in some about / caard but I never started spewing the stupid pan rhetoric.

I’m **literally** bisexual and transgender you asshole. 

Bi erasure and Biphobia sucks and I get that too because I am bi. Literally outside of tumblr, bi is literally my main label and on tumblr, I don’t like the nomenclature that implies two. Get off my dick.

-Riku (Host)

#alter: riku #discourse #ask #asks

[kingdumbass]

What I want to know is how come every afab person that identifies as bisexual always makes the statement that they are attracted to everyone that isn’t Cis men? Sometimes this is said as a joke, sometimes it’s not. But then there are apps out there like Lex that are inclusive for anyone that isn’t a cis man. They assert that you can be a cis woman and trans woman nonbinary or a trans man, as long as you aren’t a cis man. And I get it. Cis men make people uncomfortable. I’m often uncomfortable around cis men myself, but by making blanket statements that all cis men suck it’s just perpetuating the idea that being a man sucks. And by including trans men in spaces that are inherently feminine it’s saying that Real Men suck but Trans Men are okay because they aren’t Real Men based solely on what? Upbringing? Genitalia? Because if those were the factors and you pointed the mirror the other way you’d be a TERF. Too many times trans men are treated like “man lite.” Putting nonbinary people there also just feels like a way to call them “woman lite.” I get there’s a need for queer protected spaces, but there’s got to be a better way to do it than by lumping trans men in with women. It’s just very tiring seeing people outright demonize the thing you’ve been aiming for your whole life meanwhile telling you you’re an exception to the rule just because you were put through years of dysphoria and born with the same genitals as them so you’re a more palatable version of manhood. Make it make sense??

#just trans things

[carpathxanridge]

i just remembered something that i want 2 share because it relates to how a gender-based understanding of sexuality is not only illogical but leads to feelings of shame and confusion for ssa people.

in all of my experience of hearing online that lesbians can be attracted to dick, that genital preferences are transphobic, etc. it never personally got to me. that’s not to say that it didn’t make me walk on eggshells with my language, or fear rejection and ostracism from my community... it did. but i guess because the argument that lesbians can/should like dick is so transparently homophobic and comically identical to entitled male lesbophobia and conservative conversion therapy rhetoric, it never really impacted my own understanding of/security in my sexuality. i never for a second bought that not being attracted to dick was a genital fetish.

however, what did impact me was the flip side of this logic: that since trans men aren’t women, including trans men in lesbian sexuality is transphobic. my first relationship was with a trans man, but we started dating when he identified as nonbinary. and there’s a lot of reasons why that relationship fucked me up and was unhealthy, but when he came out as trans i didn’t believe that i’d been in a relationship with a man the whole time, or that either the relationship or my sexual orientation was null. i wouldn’t say it out loud, but i knew that this was true because he was female regardless of his gender identity.

but then over the years, my friends would tease me or side-eye me over that past relationship. at the time, my friend told me that i’d never kissed a girl before, and kind of mocked me for my lack of lesbian experience. and although i kind of agreed that those first kisses didn’t “count” for other personal reasons, i didn’t appreciate the comparison of my traumatizing first relationship with someone who i had a lot of genuine love for, to her differently traumatizing first relationship with a man. because i knew i never would’ve been able to feel that way (as complicated as it was) about a man! and she was projecting her own embarrassment about having been with a man before onto my first literally homosexual relationship in a way that made me very uncomfortable.

and yet even knowing that she was in the wrong and my relationship was not the literal same as dating a man, it still made me feel like crap. like i was somehow even more wrong for how i felt about an experience that already held a lot of baggage. like because my first relationship was deemed nullified, i myself was somehow an embarrassment. and this wasn’t the only time i was made to feel this way. once, i told my friend about how a girl i’d had a huge crush on came out as trans. and he insinuated that i had a fetish for trans guys, saying that it was a “weird pattern.” that made me feel so suddenly ashamed and wrong, in a way that genital fetish accusations never did when they came from the other side. and i also internalized similar sentiments just from being on tumblr. nothing was more transphobic and invalidating than a lesbian saying “i date cis women and trans guys,” and that absolutely couldn’t be me.

so when i developed a crush on a post-t trans guy last year, by then i was like “maybe this is a weird trend.” i knew i couldn’t pursue a relationship with him, because that would be pretty sus, and it was a minor and innocent enough crush that i probably wouldn’t have pursued it either way. but it caused me a lot of confusion and shame, because i just couldn’t make my feelings go away. it was a constant back and forth between berating myself for not perceiving him as male, and convincing myself that maybe i’m actually bisexual. i agonized over whether it counts as misgendering if i just allowed myself to have a crush on him while identifying as a lesbian. any moment as small as him smiling at me and me thinking “cute,” i would later obsess over. i have ocd, so it was very easy for my brain to latch onto this as a point of obsession. (especially because much of my ocd is moral scrupulosity-based, and we all know that the trans community uses a lot of guilt and moral accusation to coerce acceptance of their belief system.)

i think i only just processed exactly how hurtful those experiences were for me, and how much shame it created. it’s one thing to be called an evil pussy-loving dyke for your absence of attraction to men. but to be called a chaser or fetishist for active, present attraction is hard to ignore. just like being attracted to straight girls, when you already know your feelings are likely unwanted it’s even more hurtful to be compared to men’s sexual predation and fetishism. but being attracted to trans men is a perfectly natural expression of lesbian sexuality, and isn’t inherently predatory or wrong. and there are some trans men who feel connected to lesbian sexuality or identify as lesbians. gender identity-based understanding of sexuality invalidates lesbian experience. it is harmful and homophobic! and i won’t be made to feel guilty for my sexuality :)

#might delete later #but ugh this really fucked me up #radykal rambles

[thingsifeelicantsayhere]

About Kink at Pride

One: Thanks SO Much to the person who decided to @ me about 6 different times after I already mentioned how I can’t reply. Edit: Just read them! Thank you for linking me to the same article twice. I saw that one to, and at least 7 others! I closed out of all of them. Read on to see why!! And I call everyone hon, hon - sorry if I offended you!

Two: Kink at Pride thoughts, below the cut. TL;DR: Yes, I was wrong on certain things. Does that change my opinion? Nope! Still think Kink shouldn’t be at Pride.

Note: an entire history of gay Pride is listed below, starting with the Reminder marches. I started there because it felt like the logical place to start, given the organizers of Pride participating in those as well. It’s a LONG one guys, so strap in.

So, starting out: Gay Rights Timeline (it’s brief, because I don’t have an entire night of getting triggered and showing I can research things)

July 4, 1965: “Gay rights activists gathered outside Independence Hall in Philadelphia carrying picket signs and demanding legislation that would secure the rights of LGBT Americans. Referencing the self-evident truth mentioned in the Declaration of Independence that “all men are created equal,” the activists called for legislative changes that would improve the lives of American homosexuals. Activist Craig Rodwell conceived of the event following an April 17, 1965 picket at the White House led by Frank Kameny and members of the New York City and Washington, D.C. chapters of the Mattachine Society, Philadelphia’s Janus Society and the New York chapter of the Daughters of Bilitus. The groups operated under the collective name East Coast Homophile Organizations (ECHO). It was called the “Annual Reminder” to remind the American people that a substantial number of American citizens were denied the rights of ���life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

June 28, 1969: A police raid on Stonewall [a mafia run gay bar] occurs, leading to the Stonewall Riots. Marsha P. Johnson, a “transexual drag queen” and known sex worker, frequented the Stonewall Bar, being the first drag queen to go to what had previously been a bar only for gay men. Police raided the bar to check for unlicensed liquor sales, but also to arrest those who were in violation of the state’s “gender-appropriate clothing statute” (which meant that any female-presenting people in the bar who passed as female had their genitals checked by female police officers, and female-presenting people who did not pass were arrested). Fed up with harassment from the police, the community around the bar became agitated. After a policeman hit Stormé DeLarverie, a “dyke” lesbian on the head while pushing her into his police van, the crowd grew violent. Police barricaded themselves inside the Stonewall Inn for safety, which was soon set on fire. It is still debated whether police or the rioters began a fire in the building, but most sources claim the rioters began the fire. Marsha P. Johnson became well known as the one who “Threw the first brick at Stonewall” (though she herself has stated that she came late to the riots).

That night, while returning home, Craig Rodwell passed Stonewall, and alerted the press in order for there to be news coverage of the historic event. Rodwell was a well known activist at the time, one of the organizers of ECHO, sitting in on protests, opening the first Gay Bookstore (dedicated to Oscar Wilde), and of course, helping to organize the first Gay Pride Parade in the bookstore.

Five Months after the Riots: Among those who proposed the Gay Pride parades were Craig Rodwell and his partner Fred Sargeant (who later tried to claim transgender people and POC did nothing in the riots), Ellen Broidy (former member of the Gay Liberation Front, Lavender Menace, and Radicalesbians), and Linda Rhodes (genuinely having trouble finding information on her; I just know she was friends with Ellen and Craig). Together, they made a proposal for an annual march on the last Saturday in June where there were “no dress or age regulations.” Their proposal was given at the Eastern Regional Conference of Homophile Organizations (ERCHO) in Philadelphia.

After the proposal was made, Brenda Howard (a life-long bisexual and openly sex-positive activist, as well as anti-war feminist “radical” by some sources) helped plan it. Making use of the Oscar Wilde mailing list, word got out. It was Howard’s idea to turn this march into a week-long celebration. Also on this committee was L. Craig Schoonmaker, who had been arrested the previous year for talking to another male. He coined the term “Pride” for the slogan of the parade. (Note: L. Craig Schoonmaker was an INCREDIBLY problematic person, and discussing just how stupid that story is really deserves its own post – needless to say, I’m a little sad he’s the one who coined “Gay Pride” as the slogan.) This was the one and only contribution he had to the parade.

June 28, 1970: The first Parade, organized by Chicago Gay Liberation. The first parade was originally called the Christopher Street Liberation Day March, named after the street where Stonewall Inn was. These were different from the Annual Reminder marches, where those in the gay community “walk in an even line, wear professional clothing, and do not display affection for a partner of the same gender” (Waters, 1). “The march was 51 blocks long from west of Sixth Avenue at Waverly Place, in Greenwich Village, all the way to Sheep’s Meadow in Central Park, where activists held a “Gay-in.” Borrowing a technique that had been popularized by the Civil Rights Movement, the “Gay-in” was both a protest and a celebration.”

From there, there were more parades of course. But as promised, here’s all my research on Kink at Pride.

….

I would provide sources. I would share what I tried to look at for multiple hours tonight. But the fact of the matter is, this is the part where I got triggered, nearly threw up, and had to exit most tabs.

What I managed to find out: Yes, Kink has been a thing at Pride for a long time. I do not know the extent of this, but I do know at the very least (due to some image sourcing) that the 1980s saw men in leather that covered most of their skin (it was not inredibly revealing). I was incorrect about this fact, so shit on me I guess. Now, what all I saw was just… men in leather sometimes. I did NOT in fact see people on leashes, naked with only a bandana around their legs to hide genitals, or muzzles (as I have seen in modern-day prides). I saw people who took pride in being leather gays without doing strict sexual acts – costumes, not whipping their partners in broad daylight or walking them like dogs, which is sexually gratifying for the sub (which I have also seen at modern day prides).

Note: I have not personally been to a Pride parade, but I have seen pictures and videos of modern day prides showing these acts. For obvious reasons, I am not including them here.

The reason for the previous inclusion of kink in pride seems to have grown from the fact that, for many LGBT+ people, they are both kinky and LGBT+ in some way. I saw numerous sources talking about how being Kinky is just part of being LGBT, and how pride in being LGBT+ also means pride in being Kinky.

I deadass could not look at anymore sources because I am so physically nauseated by it, and reading about this (as I mentioned numerous times to every single person who DMed me tonight telling me to “Read fucking sources”) triggers me. But can’t stop getting screamed at unless I “do my research” right?? Joy of all joys.

So what do I think about getting rid of kink at Pride?

I still think we should move to phase it out.

Reasoning:

1.      The original people who thought up Pride were not the best. They thought up Pride through transphobic, sexist, radial feminist, insert-other-dated-views here. And I don’t blame them – it was the 1970s. But I feel that, by the 2020s, the idea of “Pride” should have changed. And it has! I saw that Ellen B. discussed how Pride had changed “Far” from what was originally intended in the interview with her (raising the entirely valid concerns that I agree with that Capitalism has too strong of a foothold in current pride). I just think that it should change more, to fit with what is currently needed.

2.      This leads to my next point: what is currently needed? Back in the 1970s, Gay Pride was about having pride in, well, sex. Pride was based so strongly in having sex with the same-sex, being deviant, being different. But that isn’t what Gay Pride is anymore, or at least, Gay Pride includes much more than just sex now. Pride is meant to be an inclusive place for all LGBT+ communities – including fucking asexuals. Like me. See, when researching all of this, I had a hell of a time, because I’m “damaged goods” so to speak. I’ve been hurt through sexual stuff in the past, and yes, that has probably influenced my asexuality. Am I against sex? No! I enjoy it! With my partner. And that’s basically it. Am I okay seeing sex stuff? Yes! Most of the time. On a consentual basis. Would I probably be okay seeing it at Pride? IDK Maybe? But it would spark bad memories, to the point that I would rather avoid Pride, avoid going to the Big Event™ that everyone always says You Have To Go To that would make me feel validated… than go to it. Because of Kink Gear. And I have had other people contact me tonight saying the same thing – they can’t go to Pride because you Kinksters. They can’t because of triggers, or the fact that it’s uncomfortable, or the fact that “well, my parents aren’t homophobic, but it’s too adult.”

3.      “Okay, so make a PG Space – we were here first.” “It’s not inclusive if Kink isn’t there.” “Children won’t even understand the kink in the first place.” Here’s my problem with all of this. Kink already has spaces, but PG spaces don’t exist in this much openness. See, I’ve always heard of kinky spaces. Expos, dungeons, etc. I’ve always heard of safe-spaces for kinky gays. Including Pride. But I rarely hear of PG Spaces for Gay People. I rarely hear of PG spaces at all. It’s hard to exist in this world without people making it about sex, so much so that I find myself often getting stuck in Children’s Fandoms, Children’s Spaces, because they’re the only spaces that haven’t been touched by sex stuff. So we need PG Spaces for Gay People - and yes, we COULD make a PG thing for gay people. I think that’s a great idea. I think a parade sounds nice. A PG Parade for Gay People!!! It sounds perfect, like a perfect solution ----- except now I’m not being Inclusive Enough.

We’ve wrapped around to my big problem with Kink at Pride. It always boils down to not being inclusive of Gay People. But the issue is… By keeping Kink at Pride, we aren’t being inclusive of a lot more people.

Banning Kink at Pride: We have gays, lesbians, trans folks, queer folks, people who still aren’t sure, allies, asexuals, aromantics, children, and yes, kinky people who are not wearing fetish gear. You can still come to pride and have pride in your sexuality. You have now excluded anyone who cannot stand to not wear leather/chains/leashes in a sexual manner for a few hours.

Keeping Kink at Pride: We have Kinky Gays, Kinky Lesbians, Kinky Trans Folks, Queer Trans Folks, People who aren’t sure but Are Kinky, Kinky Allies, a handful of Asexuals/Aros, please god don’t bring children, and kinky peope in fetish gear. You have now excluded anyone who is uncomfortable with sex, triggered by sex, or minors.

I assure you, the amount of people who are exluded keeping Pride Kinky is more than if you could just not be sexual for a few hours. Literally. I’m not saying Kink isn’t valid – fuck, dude, I’m kinky. But there is a reason sex isn’t meant to be public. Consent is important, and I’m shocked that people who insist they know about kinks and BDSM don’t understand that.

Pride has changed. In a lot of ways, not for the better, but in some ways, yes, for the better. It’s bigger, with more people, and more inclusiveness. But your idea of making a “PG Pride over there away from ours” --- well, where do you think we should? How can we do it without getting screamed at for not being inclusive? When can we do it without people screaming at us for “taking up too much time with being gay”? We already have a full month and a whole parade – and clearly everyone should be okay with the kinky shit that goes on.

My suggestion is this: Have Pride be PG, and have the Kinky Pride things isolated to Private Kink Party things that aren’t publicied on television because we don’t need people to know more about our sex lives – the majority of gay people just want to exist now. Those in 1970 needed to be loud, proud, and yes, openly kinky – but we don’t need that now. With keeping sex stuff private, you can still celebrate your Kinky Pride with all those who are capable of celebrating that Pride, while those who can’t, don’t need to be subjected to it. Because the fact of the matter is, Pride Parades are subjected to the eyes of the world – the most public thing you can have right now as a gay person. Subjecting people to nonconsentual kink is not the way to make people approve of sex work or kinky pride. It makes them rage against it. And I would rather be able to work for sex positivity through conversation and hard work, rather than alienating anyone who speaks against it (and those who speak for it).

 Some of the sources I used (not all - again, no kink sources here, because I closed all of them. I couldn’t handle it.)

http://www.phillygaypride.org/annual-reminders-50th-anniversary/

https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/lgbtq-history-month-road-america-s-first-gay-pride-march-n917096

https://www.history.com/topics/gay-rights/the-stonewall-riots

https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/when-was-first-gay-pride-parade-origin

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/first-pride-marches-photos-1-180972379/

https://greenwichvillage.nyc/blog/2019/06/13/remembering-craig-rodwell/

https://phaylen.medium.com/stonewall-vet-fred-sargeant-attempts-to-erase-black-trans-activists-from-history-2e82ac59e96f

https://addressesproject.com/memory/ellen-broidy

https://www.them.us/story/brenda-howard

https://talbertario.medium.com/pride-and-prejudice-the-craig-schoonmaker-story-122c8a4c1339

https://www.history.com/news/how-activists-plotted-the-first-gay-pride-parades

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marsha_P._Johnson

 One last thought, after the sources, because I work in Analogy the best:

Imagine this amazing bakery. This bakery sells a lot of cakes: chocolate cakes, strawberry ones, blueberry ones. This bakery gets national press coverage. Now, from day one, this bakery has used gluten in every single cake. It’s a time honored tradition! And every single Cake Eater goes to this bakery. It becomes a rite of passage, to the point that some people even say “You aren’t really a cake eater if you haven’t gone to this bakery.”

But as the bakery gets more and more popular, people start saying “Hey. We need some gluten free cakes too. Can you please keep the gluten away from our cakes?”

“NO!!! If you want gluten free, go somewhere else!”

“But everyone else only has gluten cakes. Even when they say they’re gluten free, they still bake other gluten cakes. Please, we know how to make the gluten free cakes taste just the same as gluten cakes – we’re only getting rid of the one thing. It’ll be taste almost exactly the same, and you can make those other cakes, so long as they don’t touch our cake. You can still enjoy your cakes. We just ask that we can enjoy ours.”

“NO! Go make your own then!”

“But… This is the bakery with the most famous cakes. We could always make our own, but the world will never know about it, because YOU’RE the biggest bakery in the world. And of those few who have tried, they’ve been yelled at for not using gluten because they aren’t inclusive. We wanted to be able to enjoy cake with everyone else – we just need our cake to be a little different.”

“If I make YOU Gluten Free cakes, that means the Gluten won’t be included!”

“That’s the point – gluten is bad for us. If we have gluten near us, it will actively hurt us.”

“No. This is a gluten bakery only. We refuse to change.”

And so, those who were going to enjoy the cakes there – who wanted to enjoy the cakes there – couldn’t. And even those who would try to make their own gluten-free cakes were overshadowed by the behemoth that was the gluten bakery.

That is how this entire night has felt.

Night, y’all.

#LGBT+ #Discourse #Kink at Pride #I do not think Kink should be at Pride #And harassing me all night in DMs and Replies did not help your stance #Triggering me with links all night did not help your stance #All you did was piss me off more #And solidify the fact that I don't think I would even get to enjoy pride if people like you are there #Thank you for reminding me more reasons why the gay community is incredibly toxic

[edwardforkhands]

Asking for help to become not transphobic

This is a long rant, very unorganized. Sometimes I don’t know where I’m going with it. But basically, I’ve been on terfblr in secret for the last 3 years or so, and I’ve become transphobic during that time. I want help to try and change. If anyone could point me to any articles, documentaries, studies, etc to help me get out, I would appreciate it. If you can add in your own two cents, that would be appreciated as well. I’m not sure how much I’ll respond to replies or reblogs on this post, or DMs, as I’m pretty shy and non confrontational (hence why I was on terfblr in secret). But I will read everything!

Basically I agree with a lot of things terf believe, but one thing I want is to find a way to escape the transphobic side of everything. I want to be a radical feminist minus the trans exclusionary part. I’m pretty leftist and progressive, but I hate being bigoted in this way. I almost feel like someone that’s fallen down a neo nazi rabbit hole, in the ways that I have to hide my true beliefs from friends and family. The problem is, I just can’t find a way to for my brain to make peace with a lot of principles of present-day trans activism.

I feel like the only way to make progress is to first just flat out say I’m transphobic. In many ways I’m not, but in a lot of ways I am. That way when I ask my questions, people aren’t just like “that’s really transphobic of you to ask” and shut me down. I want to be kinder, but I need to be able to say what I think. Like how you need to be able to write out your math in order to find any mistakes. But the way things are now, my math looks perfectly fine to me.

So that everyone understands where I’m coming from, here’s a summary of my beliefs:

I agree with terfs/swerfs on a lot of things. I believe there are 2 sexes, gender is a social construct that is not at all innate, women face female-specific oppression, sex work is dehumanizing, there is no such thing as a genital fetish, I think in recent years that some people are transitioning when they not “actually trans,” etc. And there are some more petty things I get annoyed at like saying “uterus owners” or “pregnant people.” I also disagree with the term swerf (though I don’t think terf/swerfs are slurs). I want to protect women and sex workers. To me, this is like calling people who are against child labor “child exclusionary human rights activists.” In my mind I’m trying to do a good thing for them. Sex work is the commodification of consent— which imo can’t be commodified.

But then on the other hand there are a lot of topics on which terfs would disagree with me. I think we should respect peoples’ pronouns, trans people should be able to use what bathroom they want, using someone’s deadname is rude, for many people medical transition is necessary, there are cases where it is appropriate for children to transition, and even if gender roles were totally nonexistent, there would still be trans people.

Here’s where I think I started to get sucked up into “terf” ideology: I think dysphoria is necessary to be trans. I think this was the “gateway drug” that made me into a terf. This stems from my belief that there are two sexes, gender is fake, and your biology is tied to being trans. My understanding of dysphoria is this: It is a state of being dissatisfied with the sex of your body, feeling like it shouldn’t be the way it is. Like how some people feel like a limb shouldn’t exist, and they want to cut it off (I can see how this analogy is a bit transphobic, I just don’t see how else to explain my understanding). Dysphoria is innate, and would exist no matter how men and women are viewed in society. If you don’t have dysphoria, then what is the point of being trans? Is it to change the gender roles you have to/don’t have to adhere to? Could that not be solved by being gnc? And wouldn’t it be more progressive to push to abolish gender? How is transitioning without dysphoria anything other than reinforcing gender roles?

I’m not trying to be bigoted, these are genuine questions and concerns I have that keep me in terf circles.

There are also just so many things my eyes have been opened to on terfblr. Why porn and sex work is harmful to women, why makeup and sexualized clothing is bad, how to read between the lines in advertising targeting women, seeing just how much woman-hate there is everywhere and how acceptable it is in society. These are beliefs I could never see myself abandoning.

Just a heads up: I use the phrase “trans positive” as an antonym to the word “transphobic” (can’t think of a better one atm).

But with the whole trans issue, that’s where I feel like I might have crawled into a hole that I want to get myself out of. I don’t like that in being a terf, many would consider me to be a hateful and bigoted person. I want to be progressive, and on the right side of history. But there are so many things that I see in modern day trans activism that just don’t make sense to me logically, and some that I view as actively harmful. Like reinforcing gender roles, or eliminating the ability to talk about sex-specific and female-specific issues. It seems every few months things that were once considered trans positive to believe are now transphobic. Most of the time, progress like this is wonderful! It’s good when realize they have racist, sexist, homophobic, etc microagressions and work towards becoming better people. That’s great! But a lot of the times the new transphobic things just don’t make sense. For example, I realized saying things like “bitch” or “cunt” casually was sexist, and it made sense. But if I were to say your sexuality is based on someone’s sex, not their gender, that’s transphobic because it implies trans women aren’t real women, or trans men aren’t real men. If they pass, society can see them as being men or women. But biologically, they aren’t. That’s why the word “trans” goes in front of their name. It just doesn’t make sense to me how it’s transphobic to have a sexuality, so having what’s basically a “gender-ality” is the only acceptable thing now. Obviously it would be rude to go around telling every trans person “actually, you’re not a REAL man/woman!” randomly. But when the context permits, like with dating or for female-specific issues, I just don’t see how it’s transphobic to acknowledge a very relevant biological reality.

Trying to say anything relating to feminist issues in a non-transphobic way feels to me like walking on eggshells to escape a maze. It would be easy to give up and just say everything’s related to gender, sex is a social construct yet somehow gender’s innate, and go with the flow but I just can’t if it doesn’t make sense to me. I know I don’t have to understand everything about everyone else’s experiences, especially if it’s not hurting other people, but I feel like in some ways trans activism nowadays is.

I just wish all this made sense to me and I could happily say I support everything trans positive. I don’t want to be transphobic. In some ways I’m not, but in so many ways I am, and I want to change. But I want things to make sense at the same time. Currently it feels like terf beliefs align with common sense, while believing a lot of principles of trans activism takes so much mental gymnastics.

Obviously if you don’t want to respond you don’t have to. It’s not your responsibility to change me— it’s my responsibility to change myself, and fix my beliefs. But if anyone is willing to listen or help, that would be appreciated. I feel like a lot of terfs start out where I did— initially trans positive, but had just one or two issues that brought them to terfblr, and they come out the other side transphobic. Hopefully helping me will help at least one other person down the line.

I feel terrible interacting with trans people, knowing I follow and listen to so many terfs. I have so many conflicting feelings and beliefs and I wish things could balance out the right way.

#tw transphobes #tw transphobia #tw transmysoginy #tw transfobia #tw trans discourse #tw transmeds #transphobia #transphobic #terfs #terfblr #op is a terf #including the tw tags so that people who don’t wanna see this don’t have to #felt good to get this off my chest holy shit #swerf #swerf mention #tw terfs #tw swerfs

[writeanapocalae]

A Guide for Writing Trans People

Written by a Trans Man. 

I’ve seen a lot of different posts on how to write trans characters (absolutely none on how to write cis characters and I am so lost on how to do that oh my goodness) but maybe I’ve got a different perspective and maybe I’ve got something you haven’t heard before. Let’s go! 

Terminology

There are a lot of different genders out there, not just male and female. Some people think Trans men and women are some outside of the binary extra gender, which is very much not true. While many trans people do fall outside the binary, there are a lot who are strictly male or female. Therefore their genders are male and female. The trans part is not part of the word, it is a definer to state that the person is transitioning, that is all. So when you write trans man or trans woman the words are separate, not transman or transwoman. 

A trans man is someone who is transitioning his appearance for society to view him as male. 

A trans woman is someone who is transitioning her appearance for society to view her as female. 

The reason I am wording it this way is because they were already their genders. They have always been their genders. Transitioning is greatly influenced by the way we are treated by society, the same way that beauty standards influence people to contour and get surgeries and whatnot. 

Demi means mostly in terms of gender so a demi boy is someone who is male most of the time and a demi girl is someone who is female most of the time. 

Agender is someone who has no gender

Genderfluid is someone who shifts from gender to gender

Genderqueer is someone who’s gender is nondefined by other terms

Two Spirit is a third gender that encapsulates masculinity and femininity (according to Wikipedia) that is only used by Native Americans 

Third Gender is a gender that can encapsulate or be a completely different solid gender like male or female

Nonbinary is someone who is somewhere on the spectrum between genders and their gender is defined by them 

Pangender is someone who has all genders

Androgyny is not something that actually relates to gender as much as it does presentation. Presentation does not inherently tell you someone’s gender. Being androgynous just means that someone fits right in the middle of societies expectations of male and female and their AGAB cannot be guessed by onlookers. 

AGAB AFAB and AMAB mean Assigned Gender At Birth, Assigned Female At Birth, and Assigned Male At Birth. At birth someone will often assign a gender to a baby based on their genitals and parents tend to show off what sort of genitals their baby has with accessories and colors. Pretty creepy if you ask me. 

FTM and MTF has been deemed problematic but many still use them. They mean Female to Male and Male to Female. The terminology states that the person’s AGAB is their initial gender and they are becoming the opposite when, as stated before, it’s more that they were always their gender and now society has to catch up. 

Gender Nonconformity can be practiced by anyone regardless of gender. It just means that they do things that aren’t expected of someone of their gender like men wearing skirts (for some reason?) or women growing beards or a nonbinary person not being androgynous (for some reason that’s become an expectation)

Intersex is not a part of the trans umbrella, even though it is often lumped in and people who are intersex can also be trans. It is a sex (different from gender) in which different parts of genitals and chromosomes and hormones are produced in a way that deviates from the norm. Many intersex people undergo genital reconstruction or reduction surgery when they are infants (and can’t consent) in order to fit the mold better. Intersex people can be cis. 

Cis just means that someone agrees with the people who assigned them a gender when they were a baby and how society treats them. 

Slurs: Don’t use them. There are a lot. If you see it in a porn category you probably should stay away from it. 

Pronouns

Pronouns are highly personal and can be a myriad of things so I will not be going over all of them. They do not always match presentation (a long haired man with breasts is still a man) and many people will use multiple sets of pronouns or fluctuate between them for what they feel most comfortable with. 

Common pronouns are: they/them, he/him, she/her

Less common pronouns are: xi/xir, fae/faer, it/its, e/em, per/pers, ve/vir, zie/hir

Neopronouns: People make up pronouns all the time since they are personal and these new pronouns are just as valid as any others. Someone made up his and hers after all. When making neopronouns the main thing to be aware of is consistency. You want the different forms of conjugation to make sense and you want to spell them the same way every time. 

Appearance

As has already been stated, there’s no correlation between gender presentation and gender and many trans people are unable to present the way they want to due to the economy, genetics, health, or community. Still, people do what they can to pass or feel comfortable in their body and these things need to be in mind during descriptions. People tend to think of the slight things that make people not pass are unattractive and will point out a woman’s 5 o’clock shadow or a man’s high pitched voice as flaws. These things do not necessarily need to be skipped over but they can be described in a way that doesn’t distract from the characters gender. 

Try to stop thinking of an hourglass shape as an intrinsically feminine trait and height as an inherently masculine one. There are cis women with full beards and cis men with round jaws. Exploring different features, combining them, and seeing how they meld will give your characters more depth and help with differentiating them from one another. A good rule of thumb is, if you mention something that people don’t immediately clock as the characters gender, describe it as gender accurate. 

Misgendering

This is another one that I would say don’t do but there are characters who the writers don’t always agree with. Misgendering is extremely harmful, puts trans people’s lives in danger, and can out them without their permission. The narrator should never misgender a character unless the character does not realize they are trans until the story is underway but this should be rare. The trans character would have no reason to ever misgender themself and may talk about how they presented in the past but will, most likely, still refer to themself with the correct gender. The POV character may misgender a trans character upon meeting them but after being corrected should fix their behavior unless you want your audience to dislike the POV character. Friends of the trans character should not misgender the character unless they are in a situation in which being correctly gendered would bring them harm, otherwise they’re not good friends. Family may misgender the trans character if they are not out or if the family members are terrible people. 

Dysphoria/Euphoria

Dysphoria is when there’s a painful discrepancy between mind and body, like when someone knows they are one way but they don’t look the way they feel. Misgendering can be a large cause of dysphoria, as can hearing a recording of their voice, reflections, binding and tucking not hiding what the individual may want to hide, height, muscle structure, bone structure, etc. 

Euphoria is the exact opposite of this. It is an extreme sensation of peace and joy in personal gender presentation. This can be caused by hormone replacement therapy, correct gendering, presenting in a way that feels natural, and acceptance. 

Dysphoria is not necessary for being transgender. 

Social Groups

Look around your friend group. Notice anything eerie? Notice how most of your friends are similar to you in a lot of ways, especially IRL friends? They’re people that you trust and expect to keep you safe while having a fun time with because you share interests and experiences with. Same for trans people. This is why, if you look at my friend group there’s 2 genderfluid, 1 agender, 1 nonbinary, 2 trans women, 1 trans man, and 1 cis man (who’s a cousin). If you have just 1 trans character in a group of friends it is going to read as a need for diversity points and that character is less likely to feel safe with discussing trans issues due to no one around them being able to relate.

Outing 

This is one that a lot of people have a hard time with and even trans writers mess up a lot. We all know the infamous scene of someone walking in on a trans person changing and, hopefully, we know that this is not only cliche but actually harmful as it tends to lead to the idea of “lying” when it’s really just not anyone’s business and that trans bodies must be on display. I would say that you shouldn’t have to out your character because coming out is dangerous for real trans people in a lot of situations and it normalizes the idea that trans people must doxx themselves at any moment but due to the lack of representation and the nature of novels, you pretty much have to out your characters. No amount of subtext will be as beneficial to a trans reader as cementing the fact that there’s someone they can relate to in canon. Luckily outing a trans character is a lot easier than people think. 

Some of us can’t shut up. A lot of trans people will hint at it a lot and just flat out say it if they’re in similar company. If we see people who we feel confident are also queer we often drop hints that we understand we’re safe, they can come to us (especially in a retail setting), because we want a community. The amount I bring up my masculinity is very very often, to the point I’m surprised people aren’t annoyed with me. I don’t pass very well so I wear a lot of brightly colored buttons that explicitly state my pronouns. There’s also this very strong urge to correct people who use gendered language for things that don’t need gender (like sexual organs and menstrual cycles). There’s nothing wrong with just saying that a character is trans. 

Resources

The best thing you can do for your story is research. The trans people you know are not google and they do not deserve to be treated like google. You can use google. Here’s some stuff I found on google: 

Dummies | Transequality | EverydayFeminism | Scriptlgbt

But no matter how much research you do it’s not going to be as useful as a sensitivity reader. Once your story is complete ask people to read it as beta readers and sensitivity readers and listen to the people that fit your minority characters. 

Some musicians to check out for inspiration

I have to recommend music. I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t. 

Agender: Angel Haze | Mood Killer

Androgyne: Florian- Ayala Flora | 

Genderfluid: Aja | Miley Cyrus | Dorian Electra | Jana Hunter | Ruby Rose |  Sons of an Illustrious Father | Eliot Sumner | Maxine Feldman | Chester Lockhart 

Genderqueer: Sopor Aeternus | CN Lester | Planningtorock | Chris Pureka | Sam Smith | Rae Spoon | Vaginal Davis | Ezra Furman | Randa | Vivek Shraya

Genderneutral: Grimes | 

Nonbinary: Arca | Mal Blum | Justin Vivian Bond | Adore Delano | Grey Gritt | Rose McGowan | Shamir | T Thomason | Beth Jean Houghton | Openside | Fraxiom 

Pandrogyne: Genesis P-orridge 

Trans Man: Alexander James Adams | Bettens | Little Axe and the Golden Echoes | Cidney Bullens | Meryn Cadell | Ryan Cassata | Quinn Christopherson | Beverly Glenn Copeland | Quinn Marston | Clyde Peterson | Schmekel | Lucas Silveira | Billy Tipton 

Trans Woman: 1.8.7. | Nadia Almada | Vacancy Chain | Barbra Amesbury | anohni | Estelle Asmodelle | Backxwash | Mykki Blanco | Namoli Brennet | Tona Brown | Sara Davis Buechner | Mya Byrne | The Neptune Darlings | Simona Castricum | Lili Chen | Jessie Chung | Coccinelle | Jayne County | Bulent Ersoy | Deena Kaye Rose | Bibi Anderson | Marci Free |  Teddy Geiger | Gila Goldstein | Laurie Jane Grace | Romy Haag | Ai Haruna | Juliana Huxtable | Mila Jam | Christine Jorgensen | Lady | Left@London | Amanda Lapore | Liniker | Jennifer Maidman | Michete | Trevi Moran | Angela Morley | Ataru Nakamura | Octo Octa | Dee Palmer | Kim Petras | Axis of Awesome | Katey Red | Patricia Ribeiro | Danica Roem | Jackie Shane | Breanna Synclaire | Sophie | Ramon Te Wake | Terre Thaemlitz | Cindy Thai Tai | Titicia | Venus Flytrap 

Two Spirit: Tony Enos | Cris Derksen

#writing advice #transgender writing #queer writers #trans writeblr #trans writing

[5typesoftrash]

warning: this is going to be a long post. transphobia and bigotry under the cut

I am posting this rebuttal of a person who got (hilariously) angry at someone who Does Not Care (me) and wrote an entire-ass essay on this post because apparently this is how I spend my time. Defending my identity which does not need to be defended because it is immutable from transphobic trolls who won’t even see it cause they’re blocked from this account.

Anyway. Be careful looking under the cut.

TERFs, gender-crits, radical feminists, transmeds, nb-exclus, anti-mogai, and anyone else whose ideology promotes transphobia and/or trans erasure, please kindly do not fucking touch this post. I am not kidding when I say that I will report you all to tumblr for hate speech if it takes me all fucking night.

Image Description

Two screenshots of a reblog from tumblr user homosexual-means-gay. The post reads:

please tell me how literally every single gay man being repulsed by ppl with vaginas hurts you! tell us why it’s a problem gay ppl aren’t attracted to the opposite sex like straight and bi ppl are!

homosexuality isn’t a political movement it’s a regular natural innate sexuality. gay men aren’t attracted to biological females and it hurts gay ppl when you side with conversion therapists and it hurts bisexual ppl who actually are attracted to both sexes when you erase them for your homophobic agenda. you’re not a victim. you’re happy to eliminate homosexuality from existence as long as you’re able to reinforce heteronormative gender roles the gay community has always opposed. your bigotry harms trans homosexuals too, not that you transhets care about the gay trans ppl either.

erased from history? you want gay ppl correctively raped out of existence bc you love socially constructed gender roles more than human rights. you deserve all the hate you put out into the world. im sorry our innate orientation and culture prove how flimsy and useless the gender roles you define yourself by are, but homophobia will not improve your self esteem. you’re driving away ppl who would be happy to support your made up identity by attacking how we were born same sex attracted. sorry you can’t relate bc you’re straight. sorry you think you can use your privilege against us. but it’s not something we’re doing to you. it’s not something we can change and it’s not something we want to change. there’s never been a gay man in existence who likes pussy, not even the gay trans women like marsha p johnson and sylvia rivera. you’re a sad little straight girl alienating all potential allies.

hurting us doesn’t validate you. it doesn’t hurt you that no gay man will ever like pussy.

End ID

(If someone wants to do a better ID that’s fine, I just wanted to put everyone on an equal playing field when it comes to understanding the content of this post.)

I’m going to go line-by-line and refute every single bullshit thing this person said.

> please tell me how literally every single gay man being repulsed by ppl with vaginas hurts you!

factoid actually just statistical error. TERF Tommy, who has committed multiple transphobic hate crimes, is an outlier and should not have been counted. I know many cis gay men who are attracted to trans men because they are MEN, not because of the genitalia they have. And I know you want to say ‘that makes them bi’, but no, it doesn’t. You want to accuse me of homophobia? Telling another gay person that their identity is invalid just because they express it in a different way than you do is literal homophobia.

>  tell us why it’s a problem gay ppl aren’t attracted to the opposite sex like straight and bi ppl are!

because... some are? And you don’t speak for the entire gay community? Especially not the other side of it, for the opposite binary gender than yours.

>  homosexuality isn’t a political movement it’s a regular natural innate sexuality.

and transness isn’t a political movement either, it is a regular natural and innate gender identity. You know that gender identity is inherent, right? When people say ‘gender is a social construct’ all that means is that it is not a natural thing. Humans created the concept of gender and assigned value to it based on what we could perceive as a means of giving order to the world around us. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t important and it doesn’t mean that there aren’t parts of it that are inherent to individuals.

>  gay men aren’t attracted to biological females and it hurts gay ppl when you side with conversion therapists and it hurts bisexual ppl who actually are attracted to both sexes when you erase them for your homophobic agenda.

I’m sorry this is literally incoherent. To reiterate: some gay men ARE attracted to assigned females. Yes, siding with conversion therapists hurts gay people. No, I am not siding with conversion therapists. I have never once stated -- in fact, the entire point of my post was the opposite of this -- that anyone should EVER have sexual interactions with a person they don’t want to. Even if the reason for that is because they have a genital preference, which is NOT the same thing as a sexuality.

(I know I’ve been over this before but here it is again. A sexuality is a measure of what GENDER/S you want to have sex with. A genital preference is a measure of what genitalia you are willing to get all up close and personal with. Both are innate, one can be manipulated. They are not the same thing.)

Hurting bisexual people... hey, fellow bis, am I hurting you by *checks notes* existing in time and space?

>  you’re not a victim. you’re happy to eliminate homosexuality from existence as long as you’re able to reinforce heteronormative gender roles the gay community has always opposed.

I am literally A GAY PERSON. Even by YOUR MEASURE I am a victim. And I do NOT want to eliminate homosexuality, I just want people to acknowledge that language evolves and definitions can change as our society does. Also, have you ever met a trans person in real life? Because like 80% of all the trans people I’ve ever known have been gender non-conforming, so like. That invalidates that point. The trans community opposes gender roles as well.

>  your bigotry harms trans homosexuals too, not that you transhets care about the gay trans ppl either.

Please point to where it says I’m straight. Please. I want to see it.

>  erased from history? you want gay ppl correctively raped out of existence bc you love socially constructed gender roles more than human rights.

At this point I’m just repeating myself. Please see the above points for rebuttal.

>  you deserve all the hate you put out into the world. im sorry our innate orientation and culture prove how flimsy and useless the gender roles you define yourself by are, but homophobia will not improve your self esteem.

Says the person berating a minor for *flips notecard over* agreeing with them that people shouldn’t be forced into sex. I’m sorry that you’re so hurt and angry that you have to push your pain onto other people just to feel better. I genuinely am. It makes me so sad to see how much some people are hurting. But I won’t just sit and take this kind of verbal abuse. I don’t deserve it, quite frankly.

>  you’re driving away ppl who would be happy to support your made up identity by attacking how we were born same sex attracted.

I doubt anyone calling it a made-up identity wants to actually support me. Next.

>  sorry you can’t relate bc you’re straight. sorry you think you can use your privilege against us. but it’s not something we’re doing to you. it’s not something we can change and it’s not something we want to change.

Again. I am not straight. I do not have any straight privilege to use against anyone. Even if I was cis I still wouldn’t be straight because I’m aroace and attracted to anyone and everyone. My gender identity isn’t something that I can change, either. And even if I couldn’t, I wouldn’t want to. I love being a man, and I love being a trans man. 

>  there’s never been a gay man in existence who likes pussy, not even the gay trans women like marsha p johnson and sylvia rivera.

I’m sorry, WHAT. Marsha P Johnson and Sylvia Rivera can’t be both gay men and trans lesbians. Which one are they? You gotta pick, babe.

> you’re a sad little straight girl alienating all potential allies. hurting us doesn’t validate you. it doesn’t hurt you that no gay man will ever like pussy.

So am I a transhet or am I a straight girl? Also I’m not sad, I’m quite happy with where I’m at in my life. I do not feel validated by hurting anyone, because I don’t enjoy pain. I’m not masochistic or emotionless, I am in fact hyperempathetic due to my autism, and I don’t like it when anyone is hurt. This can be evidenced by this post here where I wish well upon a group of people who have directly hatecrimed me in the past. 

I will repeat that. I have literal trauma from physical violence as a result of the actions of this group of people, and I am still wishing them good things. 

Nor does it hurt me that ‘no gay man will ever like [AFAB genitalia]’ because this isn’t even a true statement. As I have mentioned previously, I know personally multiple gay men who are attracted to trans men. And reader, please note the fact that this person uses a slang term, a deliberately vulgar one, where in my original post I used the medical term ‘vagina’.

Hope this clears some things up.

TERFs, gender-crits, radical feminists, transmeds, nb-exclus, anti-mogai, and anyone else whose ideology promotes transphobia and/or trans erasure, please kindly STILL do not clown on this post. I am once again not kidding when I say that I will report you all to tumblr for hate speech if it takes me all fucking night.

#terf #anti-terf #terfs don't touch #trans #transgender #transphobia #tw transphobia #tw rape mention #tw homophobia #tw homophobia mention #tw misogyny #tw terf #long post #discourse #genital preference #tw genitals #tw vagina #tw penis #tw male genitals #tw female genitals #marsha p johnson #sylvia rivera #stonewall

[crossdreamers]

am I transphobic for not being willing to date pre or post op trans women? i’m a lesbian and I don’t really like dick and after looking at a bunch of surgery results feel like neovaginas aren’t attractive because they don’t really look like biological vaginas. an I had person? I feel bad

I am sorry I am the one who has to tell you this, but yes, you are transphobic

Yes, you are transphobic. Let me explain why:

No one is forcing you to love anyone

1. Not wanting to date a specific woman does not make you bad. Love and sexual attraction are anchored in deep psychological forces which we can hardly control. Whether a woman is cisgender or transgender makes no difference in this respect. No one can force you to love a person.

2. Many people have “types” they fall for: Sporty or intellectual, outgoing or shy, curvaceous or athletic, dark haired or blonde... There is nothing wrong in that either. There is no transgender type, however. Trans women are as diverse as cis women. 

3. If you walk down the street, you are in a club or at work and you see an attractive woman that fits your type, the chances are that you will be drawn to her, regardless of whether she is cis or trans. Given that you cannot see what she has between her legs, that attraction is clearly not determined by genitalia.

A disturbing focus on what’s between women’s legs

4. Because of this I must admit I find your obsession with trans women’s sex organs more than a little disturbing. The fact that you have searched the internet for photos of neovaginas is a bit creepy. It is as if you are deliberately  looking for an excuse to invalidate trans women based on the shape of their vulva. 

5. Vulvas come in a wide variety of shapes. Researchers have actually classified some six to eight different types. I know that the porn industry has caused some anxiety in this respect. Some cis women are now undergoing surgery to have their vulvas look more like the arbitrary norm, but to be honest with you: This is not something I like or condone. To judge a woman by the shape of her genitals sounds sexist and misogynistic to me. 

6. The shape of trans women’s vulvas will vary, as well. Unless there is much scarring, I doubt very much you would be able to see the difference between a transgender woman’s vulva and the one of a cis woman. Not that it matters.

7. As for not liking the penises of pre-op transgender women: By all means, if you do not want to sleep with a woman with a penis, don’t do so! No one is forcing you. Keep in mind, though, that as far as transgender women who are undergoing hormone replacement therapy go, this penis is nothing like a male penis. These women are, for instance, unlikely to have an erection.

8. Furthermore, the presence of a phallic object does not in itself invalidate the womanhood of a trans woman. There are, as you perfectly well know, a lot of lesbian women who are fascinated by such objects too, to the point of packing or using strap-ons. I understand that this is not your thing, and that is OK, but we cannot use your preferences to generalize about what lesbian women want. 

9. Just to be clear: I know of many lesbian and bisexual women who date or are partners of transgender women.

Benefit of the doubt

I am always trying to give people who ask me question the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes people are asking me offensive questions because they genuinely try to understand and help. So I will, for your benefit, disregard the distinct possibility that you are a “gender critical” TERF (trans-exclusionary radical feminist). Still, you have sent your question to a transgender blog, and you must have understood that this kind of invalidation of transgender women will be hurtful. In other words: You are not only negating trans women in general, it seems like you are deliberately trying to get your views seen by trans women on a site addressing transgender people and trans issues.  Well, you succeeded! 

You might wonder why I have given you this space, though, given that your comments are both transphobic and hurtful. The reason is that you have given me an excellent opportunity to discuss some of  the many arguments transphobes bring up in order to exclude transgender women. 

Given that I have given you the benefit of the doubt, and you say that you feel bad about what you have written here, my response may possible also help you rethink your position. Who knows, the next time you meet lesbian women who say similar things, you can be the one to correct them. We can always hope.

(And in case you wondered: The woman at the top is a transgender woman. I have no idea whether she has had “bottom surgery” or not or how her vulva looks, and I do not care. Nor should you!  Photo: Aaron Amat).

#transphobia #transphobic #terf #gender critical #transgender #trans #trans women #mtf