#also how the fuck can you be sending aid to people and still funding the people THAT ARE BOMBING INNOCENT PEOPLE!??!??
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So I wrote a letter to my rep to stop sending money to Israel and call for a ceasefire, and my rep contacted me back and basically said “🥺🥺b-but Biden sent aid to Gaza so like you don’t need to worry 🥺🥺”
Like nah fuck you for using my tax dollars for funding this shit, my indigenous ass knows what exactly what y’all are doing because my people have been through this horrendous shit before.
Free Palestine, think about them and do what you can to help them because politicians sure as fuck aren’t going to.
#I’m angry as hell…they are okay with funding this genocide. FUCK THEM!!#also how the fuck can you be sending aid to people and still funding the people THAT ARE BOMBING INNOCENT PEOPLE!??!??#beebee rants#beebee posts
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“People who tell you not to vote Biden are psyops trying to steal left votes” type posts are pro-government propoganda.
Last time y’all spread that bullshit around the blogs getting deleted for being “Russian spies” were black leftists.
NOT EVERYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH YOU IS A PSYOP. Get real!!
Not everyone who criticizes Biden or says they won’t be voting for a genocider and that you shouldn’t either wants you to vote for Trump or not vote!! Third party candidates exist!!! Write ins exist!!! If we actually organized instead of y’all pulling the “lesser evil” bs about a GENOCIDAL RACIST RAPIST OLD MAN we might actually see some fuckin progress!!
Did y’all forget Biden is a rapist?????
Btw is the “left” in the room with us? Where is the left? Where is the progress y’all keep claiming Biden is making?
Last time I checked Biden has not let those kids out of cages, has personally approved more huge pipelines that run through Indigenous lands and speed up climate change, has ex-BlackRock leaders (yknow, the top 10 climate change villains company who also funds most American private prisons as well as funding arms manufacturing companies, who spend millions lobbying politicians on environmental regulations, immigration and drug policy) in his cabinet, increased police and military budget, didn’t codify Roe v Wade, in fact he held it hostage for votes, hasn’t codified gay marriage or trans rights, hasn’t legalized marijuana, hasn’t raised the federal minimum wage, oh and also is DOING GENOCIDE in case y’all forgot or wanna tiptoe around the “some bad policies” y’all always talk about
Did y’all forget about his “nothing will fundamentally change” policy?
Y’all heard that and thought “left”?? Babes he’s a right leaning centrist AT BEST.
There are actually left candidates btw! Ones who care about things like Landback and reparations and free healthcare and education and sustainability! The ones y’all are telling people are throwaway votes/votes for Trump!! (Which isn’t even how the electoral college works btw)
So us telling y’all not to vote for a genocider makes us Russian psyop spies but y’all telling us not to vote for leftist third party candidates doesn’t? K.
Vote for who you want, I don’t give a fuck anymore, BUT DONT TELL HIM HE STILL HAS YOUR UNCONDITIONAL SUPPORT WHILE HES COMMITTING GENOCIDE IF YOU ACTUALLY WANT HIM TO STOP
The only way to get a politician to stop doing WAR CRIMES is to tell them you won’t vote for them or give them money or otherwise support them until they stop!
You can fucking lie if you want!!! All we’re asking is for y’all not to publicly announce Genocide Joe still has your unconditional support WHILE HES DOING GENOCIDE
His approval ratings are literally less than Trumps!
He has no one to blame but himself.
If he loses in November, I don’t want to hear y’all bitch and moan and blame black people or disillusioned voters or third party voters or “Russian spies” again like y’all did in 2016, I don’t want to see y’all blame anyone but him, BLAME BIDEN FOR HIS OWN ACTIONS. HE IS A GROWN MAN AND HAS THE MONEY AND POWER TO STOP IT IF HE ACTUALLY WANTED TO.
Y’all keep saying he’s doing his best to stop it, that he’s working behind the scenes, that he’s trying, IF HES TRYING WHY ARE WE STILL SENDING ISRAEL MONEY?
IF HE IS TRYING, WHY DID HE SEND ISRAEL MILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN SMALL PAYMENTS TO AVOID NOTIFYING CONGRESS?
IF HES TRYING WHY HAVE WE NOT SANCTIONED ISRAEL?
IF HES TRYING, WHY HAVE US SOLDIERS BEEN SEEN FIGHTING ALONGSIDE THE IDF?
IF HES TRYING WHY ARE WE SENDING EXPIRED MREs AS AID? EXPIRED FOOD DROPS THAT ARE NOT ENOUGH TO FEED MILLIONS OF STARVING PEOPLE, WITH FAULTY PARACHUTES THAT KILL CHILDREN?
IF HES TRYING, WHY DID WE BUILD A PORT CUTTING THE GAZA STRIP IN HALF, A PORT THAT NETANYAHU SAID WOULD BE USED TO DEPORT PALESTINIANS?
IF HES TRYING WHY DID HE SIGN OFF $14 BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS ON TOP OF THE ANNUAL CONTRACT AND SMALL SECRET PAYMENTS TO GO TOWARDS ISRAELS BOMBS AND GUNS AND FREE HEALTHCARE WHILE IGNORING THE PEOPLE HERE WHO NEED FOOD, HOUSES, AND HEALTHCARE???
DONT MAKE UP RUSSIAN SPIES TO POINT FINGERS AT! IF HE DOESNT WANT TO LOSE HE SHOULDNT DO GENOCIDE
IF GENOCIDE JOE LOSES THE ELECTION FUCKING BLAME HIM FOR DOING A GENOCIDE!!
#FUCK YALL FR#racist white liberals are no fucking better than the alt right. YALL WOULDNT PISS ON ME IF I WAS ON FIRE!!!#‘what about trans people’ WHAT ABOUT MY TRANS SISTER WHOS HOMELESS? WHAT ABOUT MY TRANS FRIENDS IN FLORIDA LOSING THEIR RIGHTS???#YEA CAUSE THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING SOOO WELL FOR TRANS PEOPLE! tell me you live in fucking California or New York without telling me!!!#ATP JUST SAY YOU DONT FUCKING CARE ABOUT THE GENOCIDE CAUSE IT DOESNT EFFECT YOU CAUSE WE ALL KNOW THATS WHAT YALL MEAN!!!!#.txt#Joe Biden#us politics#genocide Joe#Palestine#free Palestine#vote blue#vote blue no matter who
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Thread 🧵
We hated the “aid” food we got during the Bosnian Genocide soooo much that we literally erected a “monument” to the Intl Community as a very sarcastic “thank you” for the shitty food they sent us. People undergoing genocide are still deserving of dignity and decent food!!!!
People want passive victims who will kiss their asses for sending them garbage. Westerners waste food like nobody else in the world, they gorge themselves on food on a daily basis and yet they think they get to lecture genocide survivors for daring to say the aid is crap.
I grew up eating dandelion tea, pita made from nettles and sugar between bread which was carefully cut up and shared equally between all 20 of us living in one 3 bedroom apartment during the Bosnian Genocide. You know nothing of what it means to be hungry. I refused the aid food.
It is infuriating to watch as some of the world’s most privileged people speak about war zones and people enduring a genocide. You know absolutely fucking NOTHING about what it means to be starving, being bombed mercilessly, massacred due to your identity.
Women in Bosnia would still dress up every single day during the genocide. They would put on their make-up and their favourites clothes. It was an act of resistance in the midst of a brutal genocide. People were seeking out dignity where they could find it.
B/c people in war zones, people suffering a genocide are still human beings. They are entitled to dignity. They are entitled to have decent food to eat. They are not required to be whatever pathetic concoction you’ve made up in your heads about what a genocide survivor must be.
After the war, a Kosovo refugee family was taken in by my family. Five of them lived with us. They were starving by the time they got to us. You think we gave them canned beans and expired food? No, we made them healthy, delicious home cooked meals!! B/c they deserved that!
You don’t get to give people expired and disgusting food and call yourself their saviour. They are not deserving of less because they are suffering and have nothing. You want genocide survivors to be passive victims who kiss your asses for the bare minimum. Fuck that & fuck you.
Also, I just want to note for the assholes who are saying “well if its good enough for our troops”.
1. These are regular humans, not soldiers who signed up willingly for the army & knew what they were getting into.
2. Soldiers are provided with MREs every 8 hours.
The people in Gaza do not get MREs every 8 hours, they get barely one meal and often they have to share it with others because there is NOT enough aid being provided because Israel keeps blocking aid trucks from getting into Gaza to provide people with food!
A single MRE is NOT enough for a family, its not enough for a single person even. & even if was…people do not have to like it. If it tastes gross, if its expired, if its moldy as many have reported the aid is…people do not have to be “grateful” for it.
And when every single human rights organisation, when every single IHRL mechanism is stating “hey, people in Gaza are being starved. Israel isn’t allowing aid in. Kids are dying of starvation and malnutrition” then maybe you should stfu and listen to the damn experts.
I just don’t understand how utterly devoid of empathy you must be to minimise the suffering and starvation of an entire people despite all the evidence. How vile of a human you must be to demand they be grateful for the leftover crumbs you sent them, while you fund their genocide
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The houthis atacked israel Ships because they are antisemitisc plus they are starving yemenis
They might be for Palestine but they are not the Good guys
Israeli ships are being targeted because they are carrying and supplying weapons to Israel.
Which are being used to kill Palestinians.
But also because attacking the ships will encourage other countries to halt trade with Israel.
This actually was a key step in the eventual dismantle of the South African apartheid.
And lest we forget, Israel is an aphartied state.
Aphartied for those that don't know is a policy that is founded on the idea of separating people based on racial or ethnic criteria.
So, racism and thinking your race is more superior than another. Like thinking Israeli's are superior to Palestinians and Arabs in general.
The at the time, Jamaican Cheif Minister Norman Manley during the South African apartheid said:
"The ban on trade with South Africa is logical and proper. And done in respect of a country which denies its own people all the basic human rights. And denies coloured people all over the world every right to human rights intercourse.
Since we cannot send a coloured athlete to South Africa nor even a cricket team with any pretense of dignity. Why should we send our goods?"
I bring up Jamaica because they were one of the first nations to condemn South African apartheid.
They banned trade and travel with South Africa despite still being a British Colony.
Something that in a lot of ways mirrors how Yemen, is one of the first countries to act in direct resistance to Israel.
So no it's not antisemitic, just a tried and true method used to aid in the dismantle aphartied regimes.
But than Pro Israeli's much like the Israeli government see every form of resistance against them, no matter if it's peaceful or violent, as antisemitic and terrorism.
Israel can tell the world it wants to make Gaza into Auschwitz but than be afraid and mad when Palestinians want to be free from the river to the sea.
As for the second part of your ask... What are you 5?
Newsflash, there are no perfect heroes this isn't a movie or a cartoon.
Turkey stands with Palestine, they're sending a case to the International Criminal Court in regards to Israel's genocide of the Palestinians.
Which is great.
Doesn't negate the whole Armenian Genocide and the shit they're doing to Kurdish people.
Britain's over here talking about a ceasefire when they've still got colonies.
They're funding the civil war in Sudan, the atrocities against the Congolese and many many more.
Not to mention shipping weapons to Israel.
All of this doesn't mean they shouldn't be speaking out against Israel.
In fact I'd argue it's a more of a reason for them to speak up, because they have the power too.
Also on the topic of starving Yemen, let's not pretend that the UN didn't drop Yemen from their world food programme.
Seemingly in response to Yemen standing against Israel.
Which means the UN like Israel are inflicting collective punishment. Which is both a war crime and a violation of international law.
Yemen standing up for Palestine is a brave and amazing thing, because they have nothing and are doing everything.
Of course they have their own issues, but that doesn't suddenly make what they're doing to aid Palestinians have any less of an affect.
"They aren't the good guys"
Be fucking for real, every country has blood on its hands.
Some more so than others. And those continuing to cause bloodshed need to be held accountable.
That doesn't change that Palestine deserves to be free. As does Yemen as does every country and people facing oppression.
Isrsel has been actively committing a genocide for 75 years, they need to be stopped.
That's an indisputable fact.
#free palestine#free gaza#yemen#free yemen#anti israel#turkey#turkiye#armenien#kurdish#free congo#free sudan#anti zionisim#uk#jamaica#united nations#long post
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I think the people that are asking others to vote for Biden are always missing a big thing.
I get the argument - 'Trump is worse and more of a threat to all of us, so you have to vote for Biden, he's the lesser of two evils!'
Okay, makes sense.
But these posts NEVER EVER bring up the moral dilemma, or how to handle it.
Why 'Blue No Matter Who' WON'T Work Right Now -
You are asking people to directly go against their morals and vote for a man funding genocide -
But then you refuse to give either
1) A way for those people to come to peace with their decision after the fact and
2) A way we're gonna hold Biden accountable AFTER he wins.
You are asking others to vote for a man funding genocide.
Okay, so once they do - and go home and lay in their beds - only to wake up two months later and see Biden sending another 10 billion dollars to Israel-
What moral comfort do you have to give them? For them, knowing that's their money and the man they put into power.
Do you have anything to say to them? Nothing? Because you don't care?
How do you expect them to sleep knowing they've betrayed their morals? Or do you think betraying your morals is something someone can outright choose to do with no mental reprecussions?
And this isn't just some abstract comment. I'm being LITERAL. We all have to go against our morals at least each in our life yes, but you still have to deal with the emotional aftermath.
You all are asking people to set aside their morals without acknowledging that morals, and without justification for it after the fact.
Really, those posts sound like 'Please vote for Biden, we know he's funding a genocide and you don't like that. But PLEASE it's so important. Oh thanks, you voted for him. Wait you feel guilty?.... Not my problem.'
And two - you're providing NO SOLUTION for Biden's behavior.
Biden has been funding a genocide. In the last 130 days he has sent BILLIONS of taxpayer dollars to a foreign country for genocide and war.
You want me to vote for him. And then you never ever ever mention how you plan to get him to STOP doing these things.
You're telling me 'Trump is dangerous! He doesn't listen to the people, he dehumanizes the oppressed and wants them dead!'
Okay, true.
But if Biden ends up in office AGAIN how are we gonna stop him from continuing to abuse his power AGAIN?
Or have you just not thought about that? Are you not concerned about the fact you have no ability whatsoever to hold your own canidate accountable?
Do you just not think about that because it makes you feel powerless and uncomfortable?
Biden has proven he too doesn't listen to the people.
And he in fact, DOES dehumanize the oppressed and does indeed want them dead. Just because those people aren't American doesn't mean anything.
Biden wants oppressed people dead.
So now that we know he does and wants those things - and we can't get him to stop NOW - and yet you want me to re-elect him without offering me methods in which he'll change.
Okay, buddy.
If you want to convince people to vote for Biden you're gonna have to
1) Engage with their morals and explain how they can come to peace with voting for a Genocidal Fascist and their tax dollars being directly used to aid that AND
2) How we plan to hold Biden accountable and change his behavior AFTER I've sacrificed my morals to give him more power.
If you can't do that in your post - shut the fuck up.
You're not gonna tell me to vote for a Genocidal asshole only to tell me 'ummm if you feel guilty afterwards that's not my problem just vote for him okay and also after he's elected I have no idea how to get him to do what we want cause he doesn't even listen to us right now but I promise he's better than Trump so just do it okay'
I'll see entire posts asking for people to vote for Biden - and the post will just not mention Palestine.
They'll talk about Trump, trump, trump - but literally no one with ever say 'Listen, I know Biden is the reason thousands of Palestinians are dead, but-'
Because they know that sounds fucking ridiculous and evil so they leave that part out and hope we don't notice that you've conveniently forgot to mention why we're at this crossroads in the first place.
They tell people to vote for Biden, but never mention why people don't want to vote for him.
Because Democratic voters do not support the massacre of Gaza and Biden does not care.
HOW ARE YOU GONNA MAKE HIM CARE? If you can't tell me - don't tell me what the hell to do. Cause you don't even know what you're gonna do.
If you can't acknowledge the conversation, You're ignoring the crimes of your canidate breaking international law, simply saying they didn't happen or don't matter in the general scheme of things - just like a Trump-ette.
You're literally telling me that Biden will save America and the only chance we have at keeping it... Shit we're not even saying America is 'great', like the Trump-ettes.
We know the US is shit and that Biden contributes to that. None of us actually even believe he'll make America better in the slightest.
At the very least Trump supporters stupidly believe he'll bring about positive chance.
Biden supporters acknowledge he probably won't bring positive change for anyone really. And then they still go vote for him.
That's even fucking sadder. It's less evil, but just as fucking sad.
Voting for a canidate you know doesn't care about you, your education, your health, your home, your life, or really whether you're dead or not.
But you still vote for him - because he's blue.
If you want people to vote for Biden but refuse to engage the moral argument OR Biden's silencing and ROBBING (Yes, using executive action to send billions of dollars overseas against the wills of most Americans is fucking robbery) of the American people -
Please just shut the fuck up. You really can't expect me to listen to that.
'Vote for Biden... just cause!! Don't think about it! Don't think about what happens after! Just do it :) Why? Democrats are inherently better, that's why'
You've got to be joking
So yes, make the argument you want. But if you can't back it up, don't blame others cause they didn't vote.
Blame yourself for not thinking through your point for more than twenty seconds. Blame yourself for expecting people to conform blindly.
If you want me to vote for that man but can't tell me how we're gonna free Palestine from that same man's genocidal glee then I'm begging you to shut the hell up.
#no proofread just rant#joe biden#free palestine#🍉#palestine#2024 elections#biden for president#biden 2024#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#from the river to the sea
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So many deeply stupid arguments are emerging from people who are supposed to be more enlightened than conservatives and tankies like it's genuinely brain breaking.
It's "Support the lesser evil" when it comes to American politics and voting a man complicit in funding and aiding genocide against someone who would continue to do so but with more open racism, but it's ignore the lesser evil argument when it comes to Hamas or the Houthis. You have to call them evil terrorists and if you acknowledge any context or even analyse their motives you are evil and support them because they only exist to hurt me personally and they want nothing but western blood. Ignore how Israeli leaders have more blood on their hands than all of Hamas combined. Ignore the active genocide. Ignore the Houthis (who yes are evil) explicitly saying why they chose to do a blockade and how the west can stop it. You can't acknowledge a lesser evil in this situation because they're brown and not part of our civilised western democracies. It's evil vs evil but one is actively committing a genocide and one is trying to push governments into stopping it.
"But the Houthis are evil! They don't care about Gaza!" The West did not bomb the Houthis because they're evil. They don't care about the Houthis antisemitism or anything else they do to Yemen. They bombed them because the Houthis hijacked ships in order to disrupt trade, and have stated that they have done so in order to stop the genocide in Gaza. Because all the West cares about is it's capitalist system and violently enforcing it. Bombing them instead of trying to stop the genocide means that in this situation you have handed the moral high ground to the fucking Houthis. In this specific situation aka the genocide of Palestinians, the Houthis are the lesser evil to the democratic west's Trump. Congrats to the governments who took part in that. Great look.
"You can't afford to play purity politics against Trump!" You are demanding that people who are having their family murdered as we speak shut up and vote for the man who is arming and supporting the fascist who is doing the killing. You are saying their families are acceptable sacrifices to save your own skin. There is no good option here but the smug righteousness makes you disgusting to me. At least acknowledge what you're actually asking for instead of being a complete moral coward.
"Silly leftists, Bibi hates Biden!" Yes! He does! And yet Biden will still grovel and tank his own support and bypass congress to send arms to a fascist who hates him and wishes he was Trump, because Biden's support for western imperialism is stronger than his own dignity as well as his concern for his voters. How is this an actual argument I've seen people make. Netanyahu hating Biden doesn't mean shit if Biden won't stop licking his boots and trying to prove he can be just as supportive of fascists as Trump!
Biden did a lot of good with domestic policy and with Ukraine. He and his government are also supporting a genocide and if you deny that at this point there is no hope for you to be considered a serious person. People understand why Trump supporters insist he did nothing wrong and people understand why you do the same for Biden.
Like just. Cop on.
#I'm not even saying don't vote for him. Do what you want. I'm just in awe of the smug callousness and warhawk behaviour#From liberals and centrists. They're turning into never trump republicans so quickly it's alarming.#And they always try and frame it with leftist language too#Saving the world and gay/women's rights by supporting Mr Genocide McFascistLover
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So I'm putting this here because it's the first time I've talked about it publicly from my own damn fingers. I've reposted, shared donated but it's just not enough.
What is happening to gazans is horrifying.
People are dying in a genocide.
Children are dying in a genocide.
Forget not that this devastation is also happening in the Congo as well.
Innocent people are dying.
Families are being torn apart. Relief workers are deliberately targeted by bombs and gunfire.
Yet you are still arguing semantics. "Boycotting won't work" "Protesting doesn't work anymore" "What can you even change?"
So you sit and do fucking nothing? Is that your plan? How's your cozy house. If it was bombed and you're family died in front of you and nobody could fix it would you argue semantics still? or would you take what you could get. The small sliver of hope that there are regular people on the other side trying to change the way you are being treated by holding their own government's accountable. People donating to your go fund me or just watching to the end of the tiktok that is sending the proceeds to relief aids. Would you tell them to stop boycotting the mega corperations that are funding your genocide because it's never going to be enough.
The point is to do what you can.
Even if you are a small drop in a giant greedy pond, your ripple makes a wave.
Collective action is the flood.
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ok i have to make a disclaimer here too since someone just accused me of running scams + called me pathetic and then blocked me before i could explain anything lmao.
to clarify: yes i’m currently actively boosting multiple crowdfunds for 3 separate people (mutuals and friends who need financial assistance for various reasons), through my main blog yellowmonday and my fandom sideblog thylaseraph (wrongfully terminated and still unrestored rip.) i am fundraising through dming blogs, because that’s the easiest and most effective way to reach out. these are all verifiable requests, they are legitimate, these are all unrelated people who i have chosen to support because i care about them.
if this makes you uncomfortable and you choose to ignore/block me that is fine, especially if you’re a minor or can’t interact for some other reason. PLEASE do not report me i just got my account recovered !! above everything else please be kind.
long post so more details below the cut
my method of crowdfunding: i am on a few other social media sites but tumblr is the easiest to crowdfund on, but censorship and sitewide prejudice against crowdfunders still present barriers. my goal is to get as many people to reblog these aid requests as possible. to do that, i take screenshots of post notes with usernames — i use posts that have over 1k notes so i can reach a lot of different people.
based off the screenshots i direct message people, i type out each individual username, i can share the post with only 4 blogs at a time. many people have dms turned on private. for every dozen usernames in a screenshot, i can successfully message probably half of them. i usually don’t know any of these blogs, i don’t look at their bios, i often don’t know if i’ve messaged them before unless i recognize the username.
it is an imperfect method and i inevitably dm people who get upset which i am sorry for, i always apologize when somebody says they don’t want to be dmed and won’t share. i apologize and try to be polite because i understand the reasonable suspicion, and i don’t want anybody to feel financially obligated especially because so many people are struggling rn, and also because it would be fucking awful if my friends got accused of or reported for being scammers just because of me trying to help! many people do end up reblogging, some people respond to my message with confirmation or words of support, which is always appreciated.
about my scripts: the messages i send are scripted and copy and pasted, saying what the reason for the request is, and i am basically asking for whatever they can contribute even if it’s just a reblog and it’s fine if they can’t etc. it may also include things like, sorry for bothering you, sorry if i have previously dmed you/if you have previously reblogged, thank you, have a nice day etc etc.
i have revised the message a few times and i rewrote it for each person i am crowdfunding on behalf of to give more personal details. i copy and paste that and i think i can mass dm about 50 blogs per day. i talk about my script a little more here (deleted post rip.) in a post trying to gather support for my spn mutual’s ongoing crowdfund — i encourage other people to do the same script + mass dming to gain visibility.
this method of individual outreach has been effective which is why i’m doing it! i share crowdfunds as often as i can on all of my social media platforms, but directly reaching out to people results in more traction and emphasizes the importance of small affordable donations from multiple people. and i think that someone vouching for somebody else’s crowdfund also establishes more trust and credibility in other people’s eyes, which imo is incredibly unfair especially considering how isolated, unsupported, and mistrusted many crowdfunders are.
Black and brown people who crowdfund or rely on other people’s funds for survival are intensely scrutinized, disbelieved, criticized, harassed, ignored, and otherwise marginalized. crowdfunds are generally prioritized based on how relatable, aesthetically pleasing, or friendly they present themselves to be; and how “achievable” or “feel-good” they are, and how well-known, connected, or put-together the crowdfunder makes a huge difference in whether their goal gets met. it turns into a desirability game so the most vulnerable and marginalized people are often abandoned.
i have seen chronically ill people die with unmet medical funding goals. the necessary social capital to meet a lifesaving goal is so inaccessible, and the project of crowdfunding is so impossible. from what i know, over my few years of observing and supporting crowdfunds, and attempts at crowdfunding for myself and my ex-partner in desperate times over the past year, the single most critical factor in meeting a goal (which again is so. so uncommon) is the active participation, interaction, and endorsement of other people. including privileged and moneyed people, but mostly just lots of caring people being vocal. community literally saves lives even online. even a comment on a post or a decision to sponsor one person’s crowdfund can make a huge difference, i strongly encourage people to do this more often and just become more active and VISIBLY supporting crowdfunds.
many people crowdfund this way (through mass/individual outreach) for themselves or others, i don’t think it’s as common on tumblr and it might be harder to distinguish authentic dms from bots and scams on tumblr but. it is still a method that people regularly use to survive. and it takes up a lot of time and is not always fruitful and sometimes you get shitty responses but personally id rather have that be aimed at me than the people who are pleading for support for themselves.
its hard enough to make a post baring the most personal, intimate, painful details of your life, and have it not even generate $20; so how hard is sending that to people and be explicitly ignored or called a liar? i am glad to do this for my friends because it SUCKS!!! i have been directly asked by at least one person to do this for them, and for the others i just started doing it because they had not been getting the visibility they need. it’s not so fucking easy to get visibility on posts without directly begging for it, and many of the people who are crowdfunding do not have the time/energy/resources to do that. it is work, it is draining, when you have to do it for yourself.
i do this as often as i can, like i said there’s a daily limit of blogs i can dm before tumblr restricts me, and some days i do not have the energy which is something i feel bad about. i have had my own requests for affording things like masks for work, or groceries and rent before i moved back with my parents, but i have not dmed people for my own crowdfunds because i am somewhat secure rn. im in debt lmao and im working and contributing literally my entire disposable income to sustaining other people as much as possible. and that’s a privilege because i don’t have to worry about where im getting my own meals as i do this.
i have been fortunate enough to meet my small goals or have large goals partially met by mutuals or friends of friends which i am so grateful for, and which is painful to know knowing that daily my own friends are struggling with much less support or bigger, ongoing goals. i know it is a hundred times worse for people who are crowdfunding this way for themselves every day even if they do not have the energy, because they need to, to survive. that’s why i do this when i can, i have the time to help people in this way, in addition to directly donating if i can afford it, and because i have been in that position, and because people i care about are in that position, and because strangers who are in that position also deserve every ounce of support anybody else can spare.
i believe in the practice of mutual aid and since i do not have the ability to directly donate or get involved with irl organization myself at this time, crowdfunding for other people online is what I can do right now. i think society is fucked up idk what else to say! i don’t just mean the social inequity that causes people to become financially unstable and alienated in these ways, but also the attitude of mistrust and anger toward everybody asking for help that develops because of it. anyways.
if anybody has any questions about legitimacy, of me or the requests im boosting, i am fully willing to answer. some tips i would give if you’re trying to discern between a scam and an authentic crowdfund (these are not always definitive but may be helpful):
blog history and activity to see how old the blog is, if they have mutuals, if they post updates, if they blog about other things or talk about their life. sometimes real people create blogs on tumblr just to crowdfund so you can’t always tell based off this, it MIGHT be a sign of a repeat scammer.
having a conversation with the person. do they seem like a real person whose story checks out? if you’re going to report someone for scamming you should at least talk to them first. otherwise you could be endangering their platform and cutting them off from support. tumblr is known for doing this to marginalized people.
checking out the links they provide — if it’s multiple and usernames/face id is consistent across platforms, if they sell goods or services which could verify them as a real person, selfies and photos etc. most scammers are not putting that much effort in, they’re usually ripping off somebody else’s story and photos. use reverse image search. if you’re not sure, it is your right to ignore but please be aware of how many sincere people get harassed for this, like please don’t be cruel or endanger somebody’s income.
and it’s fine that people ignore me or block me, please do so if you feel uncomfortable with a stranger reaching out like this, but above all else i don’t want to get any of my friends in trouble or make people doubt the validity of their crowdfunds, i just want people to know these campaigns can be verified if you take a few minutes. like im truly sorry to bother people because i know scams go around all the time but if you care that much it is not generally extremely difficult to find out if something is a scam or if it is genuine. and in the worst case scenario if you’re unable to decide for certain, you can. just ignore. and block.
ok thanx bye
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How will Biden stop Israel? He has no jurisdiction in Israel. It's a different country. As much as you USAmericans like to think you're special and other countries are countries in name only, Israel still is an independent country and the USA has no legal power to order Israel to do anything. Or are people saying the US should start a war against Israel? Because that's what it would be if Biden ordered a military intervention by the USA. He can call for a ceasefire just as much as any other world leader, but Israel clearly is not going to listen.
anon you do an amazing job of dressing up your heinous defense of us complicity in israeli occupation and the genocide of palestinians in the language of anti-us imperialism. the problem is you're not spewing your bullshit at someone who doesn't know anything about israel and the united states' history, and so i will not be falling for this latest bit of vomitous apologetics and propaganda that's doing the rounds. eat a dick, but in case anyone else wants to know why anon is full of shit and why the us actually does have SOME significant leverage with israel, let me explain.
when I say the united states and joe biden as president could actually do something to stop israeli war crimes, i am not talking about military invention. i've always been anti-war with very few exceptions and i'm not about to call for war that would result in utter devastation. the us military could easily and handily force by violence israel into submission (we are good at that unfortunately) but that's horrific and it would undoubtedly result in the deaths of millions and also probably further destabilize the entire region since we're very, very good at that, too. no that's insane and also would never happen, the united states needs israel to be right where it is and maybe just a little less insane for geopolitical hegemonic and capitalist reasons. so not only am i not immoral enough to call for the brutal murder of random civilians in israel (how would that help palestinians who of course would also be brutalized) but i'm also not delusional enough to even think that's a possibility. thankfully. israel is damn lucky to have the united states as a country-sized human shield that keeps the rest of the region from throwing hands, because clearly the rest of the region is showing a lot of restraint right now. and of course that's a good thing. i don't want a fucking world war to break out.
i'm talking about money. i'm talking about aid. i'm talking about the weapons grants we send to israel, the money that israel uses to fund palestinian ethnic cleansing. that is the leverage that the united states above every other nation has with israel. and yes, israel certainly might be able to buy their own weapons, but losing us aid would be a real hit to israel. and if the us withheld its aid, my guess is the us wouldn't be the only supporter of israel to withhold financial aid.
eisenhower threatened to end all us aid to israel if israeli troops didn't withdraw from egyptian territory during the suez crisis. that did in fact work. presidents ford, carter, reagan, and hw bush all used this leverage to get concessions from israel.
of course it wouldn't mean israel couldn't continue to do horrible shit, but if the us actually held israel to account financially, they'd have several billion reasons to change course. and that would mean an end to funding iron dome... and that would probably give israel a bit more reason to chill out.
there was an article i read recently that i can't find rn of an israeli official saying that of course israel depends on us aid but i can't find it so if anyone knows what i'm talking about, send me the link.
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Israel is fucking abhorrent but how can you think the solution is supporting Putin—who is also engaging in genocide right now?? I followed you here because of your support for Ukranian bloggers against disinformation, saying the west is gonna “make you” support another genocidal maniac and that you’re down with other people who’ve been cheering just that and other genocides on now is horrible. What the fuck.
You cannot trust people who are cool with one genocide to seriously oppose others! That’s true of anti-tankie pro-Israel types too! Get a grip!
At first I was baffled by this because I was ripping into a Tankie just yesterday for their moral posturing over Palestine because the same people have no problem erasing and denying the rest of the Global South's genocides when it suits them. I haven't forgotten Ukraine and never will.
Then I realized this was about my infuriated post about liberals harrassing people to vote for Biden while we're watching the extent of not just his own administration's but the entire Western political establishment's utter moral depravity and commitment to genocide. I said I now will support not just Hamas but also Houthis and Hezbollah and literally any motherfucker who will do something to help Gaza, even Putin, even though I'll probably want to kill myself for having to support another genocider.
I was going to talk to you about betrayal, in the context of your country's treatment of Black and brown students, and talk about how every fuckstick with a Ukrainian flag pinned to their bio, nearly all white Europeans, are out defending Israel's rights underneath videos of dead and maimed and screaming Palestinian children. I've started reacting viscerally to the very sight of your flag did you know that??
I wanted to ask you to contrast the West's mobilization and outcry for you, with the way they're funding and manufacturing consent for Israel cutting off all food, water and electricity for two million people in a concentration camp while carpet bombing them for a solid month. To imagine the level of concerted dehumanization, repression, persecution, and psychological brutalism they're subjecting Arabs and Muslims to, and by extension the rest of the Global South. To understand that within one month far more Gazans have been murdered than you have lost in 20. That they no longer have water or anything to eat, and Israel is still bombing as many fishing boats and solar panels and food stores still remaining so that they are now slowly dying of dehydration, starvation and sepsis. And that none of the governments have any intention of so much as calling a "humanitarian pause" let alone a ceasefire while raising money for "humanitarian aid" they won't send. THAT HALF OF GAZA MIGHT WELL DIE IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND SO FAR THE ONLY PEOPLE HELPING FIGHT ISRAEL ARE HAMAS'S ALLIES.
I was going to ask you to imagine why, under these circumstances, I might now feel slightly more appreciative of the same people who protested the US's military support for Ukraine now getting themselves bodily thrown out of Congress hearings protesting the US sending Israel billions more for their bombs and weapons.
But you know what? I don't actually want to ask you for any of that. Because I want nothing to do with this level of selfish, self-involved, entitled, white sociopathy.
My care and compassion for oppressed and suffering human beings are not contingent on their moral behaviour. I'm always going to care about Ukraine even if every single one of you turn out be the same kind of racist colonial cunt that's migrated to Israel. Despite everything I'm still deeply sad that any hope of the US divesting from Israel might have to come at the expense of their support for y'all as well, although as of now them divesting from Israel is far less likely than y'all ever losing out. And I'm not a fucking idiot, I know exactly what kind of self-interested imperialist bootlickers Tankies are.
But understand that Black and brown people owe you nothing. We are intimately familiar with the fact that we're barely human to any of you white chucklefucks, irrespective of region or religion or ethnicity. And still the vast majority of us don't want you to lose your homes and families, because our moral compasses and humanity have always outstripped yours.
Get off my blog and go fuck yourself.
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Just saw that walmart post and i was wondering. Any tips for consumers to help further push union aid? All i really know is donating to the cause and applying to be a scab and not showing to make it harder for them to find actual scabs
So donating is always awesome! (Especially to strike funds).
Sending pizza or other food to picket lines is also always appreciated and helps boost morale. If there's a picket line happening in your area, you can also join them, or just honk in support as you drive by. Feeling like the community is behind you can help people stand strong and stay united for the cause.
Also, unions will sometimes ask for public shows of support, such as asking customers to sign an open letter or show up to non-picket events to publicly show support --- Starbucks Workers United, for instance, has had several "Sip-Ins" in the last couple years where they ask customers to come in with supportive signs and hang out.
In fact, I recommend anyone looking for ways to support unions to get on the supporter mailing list for Starbucks Workers United --- they will definitely tell you what to do to support any unionized stores in your area.
And one other campaign I'll mention that's timely as I write this in November 2023: If you are flying Delta in the near future (or just, like, ever), ask for a supporter kit from the AFA to support the Delta flight attendants in unionizing! They will send you a button declaring yourself a supporter and some little cards with info for flight attendants on how to sign a union card, if it seems like any flight attendant on your flight is interested. And either way, it's really encouraging for any flight attendant who supports the union drive to see customers expressing solidarity.
Finally, sometimes unions will also ask for support for more general labor issues, like the PRO Act (somehow still not passed because fuck Kyrsten Sinema), or even just stuff that would help workers in their industry. Strippers United, for instance, has a petitions page. So supporting those causes or calling your representatives about labor issues can do a lot.
#method speaks#union stuff#union 101#also#the absolute hands down best way to support the labor movement?#unionize your workplace!
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youtube
Hey guys, here's yet another reason to be as vocal as possible telling Biden he's not gonna have our vote next year.
Remember trump putting kids in cages at the border?
Well, Biden is not only still doing that, he's also helping sign in laws that legalize child labour, which specifically is targeting immigrant children to be used for labour.
"Vote blue no matter who!!!" Crowd screaming and crying an entire year before the election about how we need to all vote for Biden are literally just telling Biden and everyone else that it doesn't matter how monsterous their actions are (Hello, *literally supporting and funding a genocide!), they don't need to change to get our vote, they just need to pretend they're better than their opposition.
Well "vote blue no matter who" crowd who's screaming and crying about how we need to get Biden re-elected, since you apparently don't care when he's funding a genocide, here's something to think about:
He has not enshrined abortion rights at the federal level
He has not enshrined trans and other queer protection/anti discrimination laws at the federal level
He has not raised the federal minimum wage
He has not stopped putting kids in cages
He is actively funding and backing laws that exploit children for labour in gruesome, dangerous conditions.
He is trying to pass laws that would allow the white house to send military aid and funds to allies without ANY congressional oversight and allow the sending of these funds and weapons to be kept secret from the public (hint hint: it's to keep the genocide of Palestinians going so the USA can continue to use israel as a military base in the middle east)
and more!
Now, please tell me, what, exactly, do you hope to accomplish, telling this man a FULL YEAR before the election, that he's got our vote no matter what he does? Do you seriously think that is going to accomplish anything? Did you seriously forget that Biden and trump are not the only politicians on the face of the earth that can run for president???
Telling Biden that he's got your vote no matter how many people he kills, no matter how many children he exploits, is literally just motivation for him to run for president again and continue to be in office, where he can continue to commit genocide and sabotage everything he was 'supposed' to uphold and protect with his super powers of ~being better than a republican~
Biden is not the only presidential candidate. You need to be screaming from the rooftops and the streets that these fucking monsters are never going to get another vote in their life if they continue to uphold these fucking crimes against humanity.
Not coddling them and crying about how we have to vote for these monsters otherwise [things literally happening right now under a democrats reign will happen under a republican!!!!].
#child exploitation#human trafficking#child labour#'vote blue no matter who! Biden'll stop putting kids in cages!!!'-- you sure about that?#genociden biden#biden#joe biden#2024 election#Youtube
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You know, I've been here a while watching the sag-aftra and the writers strike quite aptly as a 19 year old university student who's only other hobby is literally consuming media so this is kind of important to me and I'm not gonna lie it makes me kind of sad.
But not in the way anyone would think. Before we jump to conclusions I am in full support of all the strikes. Don't stop until you get the compensation you deserve.
But it makes me sad because for context I'm South African. I go to university on a financial aid scheme created by the government and lately out government has been getting worse and worse. Showing its stripes worse and worse. And so I'm not shocked that their financial aid scheme is showing funny changed.
So the financial aid scheme is call Nationtional Student Financial Aid Scheme, it became a bursary (scholarship) a few years ago after a bunch of "fee must fall strikes" which were in response to high tertiary school fees. That happened while I was in primary school (around grade 7) and it now funds disadvantaged students whose families earn a household income of less than ZAR350000 per annum ($19520, €17538, £15172).
Okay cool. Nice. But what it doesn't take into account are middle income families earning over that threshold but are still unable to afford school fees, either because there's many mouths to feed in a household or because they are just part of the missing middle but that's not the chat.
As much as I see #treelaw trending I also wanna see NSFAS trending. I want to see tumblr talking about all these things cause they are such a big fucking deal.
Usually how the scheme works is they send money to the university that pays tuition, the university also distributes the accommodation and living allowance to the funded students. Recently, the scheme has changed and they decided to create a bank account that sends students living allowances straight to them and here's where the problem starts.
There was a bid to decide which corporation/banks would be in charge of creating this specific NSFAS student bank account and a bunch of corporations no one has ever heard of outbid the largest banks and organisations in the country. The company is called Noracco, eZaga, Coinvest and Tenet.
Now here's where things get silly goofy.
They are not a registered financial service provider. They barely even have a fucking website. And they are handling people's livelihoods and billions of South African Rands. Only one of the corporations is connected to an authorised financial service provider which is eZaga. (How this was not a requirement I have no idea)
Students are not getting their living allowances. This means no groceries, no transport home, toiletries, nothing. Keep in mind these are disadvantaged students. No one is getting extra money from home to help them with such expenses
They have terrible service. No phone calls, emails nothing is answered.
They have insanely high bank charges. This takes advantage of so many students and uses up what little allowance money they have to live. A student usually receives around R1600 for a month (which is around 89USD)
You can't spend more than a capped amount of money a day, which is incredibly inconvenient when shopping for groceries as one can spend almost R800 (44USD) on groceries plus an extra R50-R100 (3-8 USD) for transportation.
This was started in the middle of the school year (February-November is how the year works here, it started in June/July for universities and TVETs had been introduced to in 2022 and have been striking against it since)
Students are out here SUFFERING and there is no one helping!!! We are being THREATENED to participate in this sham with out living allowances being WITHHELD FROM US.
The financial abuse is soooo real
I know im talking into the void but I'm hoping and praying that this catches someone's attention enough for people to start talking about it.
Here are a bunch of articles calling out this weird, Obviously corrupt organisations that answer anything that doesn't currently have any links connected to it.
The public protector has also recently been assigned to investigate.
https://www.outa.co.za/blog/newsroom-1/post/nsfas-what-are-you-doing-with-student-funds-1233
https://www.da.org.za/2023/07/da-raises-alarm-over-nsfas-direct-payment-system
https://www.unisa.ac.za/sites/myunisa/default/Announcements/Unisa-has-taken-note-of-concerns-raised-by-students-regarding-direct-payment-system
https://www.iol.co.za/weekend-argus/news/fraudulent-withdrawals-from-nsfas-funded-students-accounts-threaten-their-future-a4a47850-bad4-45e9-a30f-9b8b48a08998
https://www.timeslive.co.za/news/south-africa/2023-07-10-tut-students-reject-new-banking-system-for-nsfas-beneficiaries/
On top of this, NSFAS has also been defending thousands of students nationally referring to them as "undeserving". While I understand there are some people who take advantage of them system specifically for underprivileged students the way they went about it is not the best.
Students are actively being thrown out of their residents and accommodations and being de-registered from their institutions. Questions have been put in place as to what is deemed as undeserving but all NSFAS can claim is students who are financially and/or academically ineligible refusing to take into account student circumstances.
At the end of the day, every student uses the scheme the same way. And sure sometimes there's someone with a household with more than R350000 p/a benefiting but personally, I don't see anything wrong with someone having a little extra pocket money. There is no reason anyone, anywhere should be forced to live on a to make ends meet budget.
This was not the best layout. It was probably messy and all over the place, but I have never really written something this long, complex and detailed for tumblr. It's missing so many important details and contexts that I'm hoping anyone who cares to read will find out more about and help give us a voice.
We just want to learn without worrying about where we're going to sleep or what we're going to eat.
Please any attention is good, just to put pressure on the people in charge. Please let's get tree law and fund the defended trending together. ❤️
#tree law#sag aftra#writers strike#writers guild of america#nsfas#south africa#university#politics#human rights#law#fund the defunded#south african universities
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You know, when I was younger I considered myself a communist... but then I actually paid attention to the shit communist countries did and went hmm... that's actually really shitty, fuck them
Like I didn't do some massive slide to the right, I'm still very much in favor of things like social welfare programs
So what I'm basically saying is that as someone who used to call myself a commie, I just don't get how you can be pro ussr. Cause like... the shit they did (and plenty of others) is literally what changed my mind
(I mean I get it, these people don't really care and are more interested in seeming enlightened than actually making things better, but still)
Anyway... I mean I'm an American, but unlike these idiots I realize we actually owe a lot to Ukraine for fighting russia right now. Like leaving aside being a decent human being and not thinking people should be invaded, the Ukrainian army is giving us way more value with how they use any weapons we send them than they were getting us sitting in some stockpile
The Ukrainian Army are out there protecting not only Ukraine's freedom, but all of us. Like I have the sense to see that while Ukraine is fighting for survival, their fight still protects me
I mean most of Ukraine embodies the American ideals better than plenty of Americans (especially the right wingers who crow about freedom before deepthroating putin's boot)
I don't know... basically I've been paying attention to Ukraine ever since russia invaded back in February, been following more Ukrainians and Eastern Europeans and realizing how western media totally ignored the invasion in 2014, and how much of an ass westerners have been acting like during this invasion
Fucking appeasers everywhere. I mean, I'm a pacifist, but I have the sense to see you don't just tell people to lay down and die. If we want peace, we need to give Ukraine everything it takes to force russia out. Russia's the one making war, so they're the only ones who can make peace, and they'll only do that once they're thoroughly beaten otherwise it'll just be more agreeing to humanitarian corridors and then shelling them
So yeah... basically just saw you being sick of dealing with tankies and wanted to at least let you have a message from a westerner that wasn't just a bunch of apologist bullshit. Both the right and the left come together to be morons about russia. Right likes them cause they're fascists (I mean which parties is russia always funding in the west?) and the left... so busy being stupid jackasses about how great the ussr was that they excuse the imperialism they supposedly hate
Anyway... whole lot of probably stupid words here just to basically say I'm an American and I stand with Ukraine
I hope you stay safe, and I hope we send more anti air to shoot down those fucking missiles and drones. I hope the invaders are thrown out as soon as possible and then put on trial for their war crimes
Stay safe, sorry you have to deal with western morons on top of being invaded
I really do appreciate asks like this because they are quite rare from Western Europeans and Americans contrary to Eastern Europe. It’s also really interesting to actually listen to a person’s story, so to speak, with political ideologies.
What’s funny is that even though most Ukrainians will now tell you that they are nationalistic, they hold a lot of left views, especially the young generation, me included. Here we can raise a question of what is nationalism for Ukrainians. It’s love for their country and its culture, basic need of being left alone to create a developed country, but it’s never about other cultures being worse than ours or this belief that some territories must be returned and annexed from other states.
So what I was on about… We are so very grateful for the help, both humanitarian and military aid, and probably there are more good people than bad in this world, who believe that one country cannot just invade another country for no reason, but sometimes those left-wingers are just too much. Like jokes aside, I really do struggle to see what future they want for the world. Because there is a very simple truth: if Ukraine loses and russia wins, other dictatorial regimes will understand that you can just declare a war on your neighbour and no one will give a shit.
Yeah because that’s what happened in 2014 but at that time putin wasn’t prepared to launch a full-scale invasion, the revolution happened to quickly, it took him more that 3 month to amass the troops around Ukrainian borders in 2022. Or maybe he had some sort of genius plan, who knows, but the fact is: the world didn’t react to Crimea or Donetsk and Luhansk, and before that they didn’t react to Georgia and Moldova, or before that to Ichkeria.
Also the pacifism part, I think all intelligent people are and all Ukrainians (well of course not all but you know where I’m coming from) were pacifist. Everyone here has a family story from WW2, this country suffered so much, we never start conflicts but we also love what’s ours way too deeply. I think most of us would agree that the final moment of our pacifism was Bucha, that was a point of no return. Because this is where we understood that the main aim of this war is the destruction of Ukrainian nation - not a state as an independent entity but people. They were firing at civilians for no reason other than satisfaction and that is where pacifism ends because you cannot negotiate with people whose main negotiation tactic is a bullet.
So yeah, thanks again for this ask and kind words, If you have the urge to talk more about some topics, you can always message me)
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Last time I went about five months between doing a set of STAR WARS fic recs, this time it’s only been three months! Hurrah! It helps that, as always, this fandom puts out an incredible amount of excellent fic, so I feel like I’m never hurting for fics I want to yell about and shove at people, which is something I continue to appreciate as it often feels like so much of the world is such a huge tire fire. It helps to be able to find fics to retreat into, to have fun with, to express joy and creativity with, and so many of the authors in this fandom are just so good at this! To the point that these sets sometimes take awhile because there are always more fics I want to add, until the post starts threatening to be overly long instead of a decent length–in my defense, no seriously, you guys are just too good!
Also, I forced myself to stop at 69 fic recs, because yes I do think it’s funny.
(Nice.)
STAR WARS FIC RECS:
PREQUELS RECS:
✦ a comedy in four acts by jesuisdeux, obi-wan & dooku & yoda & qui-gon & cast, time travel, 4k
This was what time-travel is: staring at the dark sockets of skulls everywhere your gaze lands on. Being haunted by ghosts long gone. The apprehension of the slow yet sure approach of the inevitable which is sending chills down your spine.
✦ No Rest for the Weary by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin & jedi & ocs, 61k
Needing a break from life at the Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan Kenobi and his apprentice, Anakin Skywalker, visit a Jedi AgriCorps settlement on the Midrim planet of Helia. There they encounter new friends, new enemies and have new adventures, all while attempting to navigate their sometimes turbulent relationship as Master and Padawan.
✦ Stars of Tatooine by Be_Right_Back, ahsoka & kanan & mace & rex & obi-wan & cast, 10.5k
After the end of the world, Ahsoka more or less kidnaps a child, has to air some old grievances, and tries to find whatever peace the universe can still offer. All paths in the Force lead home, eventually.
✦ Festival of Light by dendral, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & rex & cast, 8.7k
During his first year at the Jedi Temple, Anakin learns that even the Jedi celebrate holidays.
✦ the master, the padawan, the Force by skatzaa, depa & caleb, 1.4k
Caleb expects things to be different after Master Depa takes him as her padawan, but really, it feels like nothing really changes.
✦ desecrate my lungs by loosingletters, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & padme & cast, 16k wip
Time-travel fix-it in which Mustafar haunts Anakin decades after it happened and years before it would.
✦ Grace by dismantlingsummer, obi-wan & anakin, 2.3k
Shortly after Mustafar, Anakin realizes what he has done. He finds Obi-Wan to beg for death.
✦ Fifth Migration by wrennette, yoda & mace & obi-wan & ki-adi & yarael & coleman & plo & palpatine & cast, 2k
How about an AU where the Sith’s Grand Plan accounted for everything -everything that is, except the fact that the Jedi temple is actually an very ancient spacecraft and the second word got to the Jedi about there being clones on Kamino, all Jedi are called back inside and they take off immediately? Just imagine the dear chancellor’s face…
✦ fill pages with scribbled ink by magneticwave, obi-wan/padme & sabe & mace & quinlan & cast, 9.8k
A year after the Invasion of Naboo, Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi is invited by Queen Amidala to return to Naboo and participate in a rite known as the Night of Fireflies. Things kind of snowball from there.
✦ Mind Your Words by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin, spanking, 7k
Obi-Wan reminds Anakin that there are consequences for careless behavior for young Jedi on missions.
✦ (you taught me) the courage of stars by grumpyhedgehogs, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cast, 5.1k wip
Ahsoka Tano flees after a warrant for her arrest is issued, but not before receiving aid from an unexpected ally. (Ahsoka proceeds to go on a road trip filled with a bunch of strangers who all say the same thing: Obi-Wan Kenobi is much more than he has ever appeared to be.)
✦ they faked it (guess everything’s complicated) by katierosefun, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 4.5k
Ahsoka temporarily loses memories of the events of Obi-Wan’s fake death. To help with the healing process, Anakin and Obi-Wan have to pretend that they’re okay.
✦ programed to dream by ghostwriterofthemachine, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, body horror, 1.3k
The spaceship Comet-rider is the fastest, most efficient vessel in the galaxy, and is crewed by Separatist-funded pirates. Anakin Skywalker is missing. Unfortunately, these two things are connected.
✦ Unpleasant Truths by hellowkatey, obi-wan & anakin, 2.1k
Obi-Wan and Anakin are stuck in a room with one another while waiting for truth serum to wear off.
✦ moment’s silence by skatzaa, obi-wan & owen & beru & luke & leia (pre-obi-wan/beru-owen), 2k
Owen had long since resigned himself to trouble, whenever Beru got that particularly stubborn set to her jaw.
✦ hold gently and let go by shatou, obi-wan & anakin (pre-slash?), 1.7k
A troubled Anakin comes to Obi-Wan to discuss attachments.
✦ sun child by Ro29, obi-wan & anakin, 2.1k
(or; sometimes being so tied to the Force causes problems, Obi-Wan helps his Padawan as best he can)
✦ A Dinner Out by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin & cast, 1.6k
Obi-Wan can’t get his young Padawan to eat much, so he tries something new. But trying something different has unintended consequences.
✦ Shades in the Desert by loosingletters, obi-wan & anakin & luke & owen/beru, 10.8k
Not even from a certain point of view did Darth Vader kill Anakin Skywalker. He wished he did, but the specter of the Jedi’s light escaped before he could finalize his fall to the dark. Meanwhile, Anakin is raising his son on Tatooine.
✦ somewhere along in the bitterness by CallToMuster, obi-wan & anakin, major character death, 3.8k
It was probably the twelfth day floating alone in space that Obi-Wan and Anakin realized no one was coming for them.
✦ Songs for Little Jedi by soft_but_gremlin, mace & younglings, ~1k
The initiates are having nightmares, so Mace sings a lullaby to comfort them.
✦ atmosphere level by softredscrunchie, obi-wan/satine & qui-gon, 1k
As a joke, Satine tells Obi-Wan she thinks Mandalore is flat. He doesn’t take it well.
✦ on sith holocrons and misunderstandings by billowypants, obi-wan & anakin & mace & yoda & cast, de-aged!obi-wan, 7.2k
or, de-aged!Obi-Wan has the same Force bonds as adult Obi-Wan, and he does not react well.
✦ Perseverance & Resilience by loosingletters, obi-wan & anakin, 1.1k
In the aftermath of Naboo, Obi-Wan realizes he needs strength to protect his new Padawan. Growing up, Anakin needs peace.
✦ A Delicate Balance by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin & yoda & jedi, spanking, 9.6k
As Anakin’s skills grow, so too does his penchant for getting into trouble. After a training mishap, Obi-Wan struggles with his role as Anakin’s master.
✦ mirror, mirror by CallToMuster, obi-wan & anakin, 5.4k
Obi-Wan has been rescued by Anakin after being rather embarrassingly kidnapped on the remote planet of Ilnuria during his investigation of rumored kyber crystals deep beneath the planet’s surface. …But is all as it seems?
✦ Mace Windu Appreciation Week by Redminibike1, mace & obi-wan & anakin & ponds & cody & jedi & cast, 12.5k
Set of unconnected ficlets for Mace Windu Appreciation Week, because he deserves it :)
✦ begin again as a quiet thought by skatzaa, obi-wan/quinlan, d/s, ~1k
Cool, smooth leather touched his jaw—gloves. Because of course Obi-Wan had thought of that as well.
✦ Drunken Lullabies by Siri_Kenobi12, obi-wan & anakin & siri & quinlan & aayla & garen & bant & ferus, 6.5k
“Do I really have to go to this thing?” Fourteen year old Anakin Skywalker dramatically sighed. “It’s sooo boring!”
✦ heaven knows how I love you by the_13th_battalion, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 1.2k
Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka are stranded on an unfamiliar planet overnight. They spend their time exploring the community- and maybe they get a little closer to each other along the way.
✦ A Reckless Padawan by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, spanking, 3.9k
When Ahsoka upsets Anakin with an act of reckless disobedience, it falls to her grandmaster to help her see the error of her ways.
OBI-WAN/ANAKIN RECS:
✦ Too Hot by secretsolarsystem, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 4.8k
Too Hot: A game where two players kiss without stopping and without touching each other. If one player touches the other, that player loses. The winner gets to do whatever they want to the loser.
✦ Nostos by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin & padme, NSFW, 17k
Or, how Obi-Wan and Anakin discover that there are many ways to come home.
✦ to touch the light, darkest by treescape, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 1.9k
Obi-Wan begins to fuck Vader back to the light
✦ encode by loosingletters, obi-wan/anakin & padme & handmaidens & cast, 26.3k wip
Instead of being accepted into the Jedi Order at the age of 9, Anakin Skywalker became a ward of Naboo.
✦ Hunting the Homeward Light by GreenQueenofClubs, obi-wan/anakin & mace & ahsoka & shmi & padme & cast, 31.9k wip
When Anakin Skywalker was nine, he left his whole life and mother behind to follow Qui-Gon Jinn to Coruscant and the Jedi Temple. When Anakin Skywalker was twelve, he left his whole life and Master behind to follow Mace Windu to the Outer Rim and away from the Jedi Order. When Anakin Skywalker was twenty…
✦ use my body to break your fall by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, 44.7k wip
Obi-Wan Kenobi is too good at being a Sith Lord general of the Separatist army. The Jedi Council approaches Anakin with an offer he can’t refuse. These things are, actually, related.
✦ Over and Over by obiwanobi, obi-wan/anakin, 1.4k
“I love you,” he blurts out, loud and impossible to miss. Obi-Wan blinks once, twice. And freezes. The first time Anakin tells him is a mortifying experience.
✦ Exceptions by rinverse, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & mace & quinlan & cast, NSFW, modern au, 23.4k
Young and brilliant, Anakin is the mind behind JEDI Tech’s latest innovation. Obi-Wan is the company’s perfectly composed Director of PR & Marketing. And last night, they were just two strangers at a bar, looking for something quick and easy. But life had other plans when it crossed their paths again the very next day.
✦ Here There Be Dragons by Ghost_Owl, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, 10.1k
Anakin knows why he can’t shift into his animal form like every other Jedi. It’s because he doesn’t want to, it’s because he’s had a vision of what he would become, and he doesn’t want it.
✦ Waiting in a Sea of Stars by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan/anakin, ~1k
Stranded in deep space, Obi-Wan and Anakin wait for rescue.
✦ Tristitia by JSwander, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, 5k
An alternate timeline where Palpatine focuses his attentions on Obi-Wan Kenobi instead of Anakin Skywalker after the attack on Naboo.
✦ Prompted - Chapter 11: Communication, What Communication? by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, mobster au, 7k
a 7k obikin PWP that is somehow a prompt mashup of a mobster au, an accidental sugar daddy au, with a soupçon of an anakin never left tatooine au, and a pinch of qui-gon was anakin’s dad au
✦ who a person truly is cannot be seen with the eye by RexIsMyCopilot, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, spanking, 3.6k
Anakin purposely avoids doing what Obi-Wan tells him to do.
✦ Prompted - Chapter 12: Potidaea, 432BC, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, historical au, 4.3k
Here is a short smutty scene inspired by all those classics asks, Alcibiades praising Socrates in Plato’s Symposium, and this vase c.490-480 B.C. depicting standing, face-to-face intercrural intercourse between a bearded man and a youth, which as far as we can tell was the most common and accepted position for it in Ancient Greece.
✦ Prompted - Chapter 13: Minikin and Tiny-Wan by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 5.4k
Happy May the Fourth! In honor of this happy day, I have written the fluffiest, crackiest, vanilla-flavored smut imaginable. Based on long discussions on discord with tomicaleto about her adorable Tiny AU.
✦ to hold until brightness by treescape, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 1.4k
Obi-Wan feared that it drew out the darkest in him, to bring Vader to these flashes of light, but it was a trade he would make again and again without hesitation.
✦ May Be Found, If Sought by ghostwriterofthemachine, obi-wan/anakin & mace & quinlan, magical academy au, 2.3k
In which Quinlan, Mace, and Obi-Wan teach Non-Traditional Magical Philosophy in an institution rampant with academic snobbery and discrimination, something dark is stirring in the nearby forest, and no one is ever prepared for Anakin Skywalker. A small story about first meetings in magical academia.
✦ infinitely varied by loosingletters, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, modern au, 2.2k
Also known as Obi-Wan and Anakin teach a tiny program called A.H.S.O.K.A. how to be something more than lines of code via the power of linguistics.
✦ recipe for disaster by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, modern au, 9.8k
When Ahsoka tells Anakin she doesn’t want to learn piano anymore, Anakin is heartbroken. He doesn’t care about the instrument, obviously, but he’s practically in love with her teacher. Obi-Wan offers up a solution to their impending separation, and it’s not dating like any normal person would suggest. Instead, he’s gonna teach Anakin how to cook. Except Anakin’s a pretty well-known chef, and Obi-Wan is absolutely awful in the kitchen.
✦ Pretty Kitty by GayCheerios, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 2.2k
“Master, you always take such good care of me,” Anakin says, a little chirp coming after his sentence, as his thumb rests on Anakin’s plump bottom lip.
✦ As One, Into Eternity by Pseudonymoose, obi-wan/anakin, force ghosts, 3.1k
Death comes, but the man who was, and is, and will be Anakin Skywalker is not gone. And in the Force, he will never be alone again.
✦ does he make you laugh? by y0u_idjits, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & cast, fusion fic, 3.6k
“Tell me it’s not about screwing the guy who’s screwing your husband.”
✦ Rotten Work by secretsolarsystem, obi-wan/anakin, 2.8k
Obi-Wan: I’ll take care of you. Anakin, with bloodshot eyes and a broken back from hours of terrible posture: It’s rotten work. Obi-Wan, who needs to bathe this man for his own sanity and health: Not to me. Not if it’s you.
✦ afterimages by shatou, obi-wan/anakin, 1.3k
Mustafar is nothing but a bad dream.
✦ understanding is honoring the truth beneath the surface by RexIsMyCopilot, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, 7.3k
Anakin asks Obi-Wan to take control.
✦ The strongest stars… by Tomicaleto, obi-wan/anakin & beru & cast, NSFW, 7.4k
The war’s end seems to be close, with everyone looking forward to it. And when Anakin is doubting himself the most, an unexpected visit arrives at the Temple.
✦ home has a heartbeat by izazov, obi-wan/anakin, 5.6k
Or: Anakin and Obi-Wan are together, but there are still some things left unsaid between them.
✦ turn back now (i’m haunted) by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & padme & quinlan & ahsoka & cast, modern au, ghosts au, 25k wip
Anakin Skywalker’s house is haunted. Luckily for him, Padmé knows a ghost hunter. Unluckily for him, it’s the hottest, most english-professor ghost hunter he’s ever seen. And extremely unluckily for him, he’s starting to get the feeling he understands maybe ten percent of what’s actually going on here, not to mention what’s at stake.
✦ game plan by treescape, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 11.2k
Or, Vader keeps capturing Obi-Wan during the Wars. Obi-Wan keeps escaping. It’s kind of a thing.
✦ Provocation by ToolMusicLover, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 4.9k
Or: Obi-Wan and Anakin attempt to navigate their complicated relationship with barbed words and wilful ignorance. It wasn’t going well.
✦ Languages by Crowgirl, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 6.5k
So Anakin pulls out a map and makes a list.
REBELS RECS:
✦ The Scent of You by ambiguously, kanan/hera & cast, a smidge of nsfw, 2.9k
Everything changes after Malachor, and Kanan has trouble finding his balance.
✦ Heard It in a Love Song (Can’t Be Wrong) by ambiguously, zeb/kallus, 2.7k
Kallus can’t quite figure out what makes Zeb tick, but he keeps trying.
ORIGINAL TRILOGY/MANDALORIAN RECS:
✦ A Discussion of Choices by Peppermint_Shamrock, luke & mace, 2k
Mace Windu has traveled the galaxy since the fall of the Republic, keeping out of the Empire’s sight and teaching where he can. Upon the request of a ghost of an old friend, Mace finds himself instructing Luke Skywalker, who is still reeling from the truth of Vader’s identity.
✦ staring down the barrel of the hot sun by magneticwave, luke/din & obi-wan & grogu & mace & cast, 25.7k
“Gone to a Child of the Watch, the Darksaber has,” Grand Master Yoda announces in his creaky little voice. “Peace, there is not, and yet peace, there must be.”
✦ Released by Peppermint_Shamrock, cody & rex & luke & cast, 6k
Nearly two and a half decades late, Cody’s chip is finally removed. Adjusting to having his mind returned to him after so long takes time, and Cody struggles with questions of his purpose of the past, present, and future. Fortunately, he does not have to struggle alone.
✦ A Tatooine Rainstorm by skatzaa, leia & luke & shmi, 1.7k
Leia meets a ghost.
✦ Dealing with the Darksaber by Peppermint_Shamrock, din & bo-katan & cara, 1.3k
After her recovery, Bo-Katan contacts Din to challenge him for the darksaber. Din is still very much not interested in the whole affair.
FULL DETAILS + RECS HERE
#obi wan kenobi#anakin skywalker#ahsoka tano#mace windu#obikin#fic recs#star wars fic recs#long post
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- agent 14/agent steve haines; american money
It's a Thursday and it's raining. The raindrops are heavy and loud on impact, running down his windshield like tears. He's on his way to the set and he prays that it'll clear up soon.
"This show will kill you", Warren sits on his bed, sheets lazily draped over his legs. Steve can see where his pubic hair begins and his mouth waters. Warren takes a long drag from his cigarette, blows the smoke into the air.
"It fucking won't, nothing can", Steve's leaning against the door frame, coffee in hand.
"Fuck yes, it can. And it will, lurking around at Forum Drive all day and for what? Two minutes of frightening pictures that will make Karens all over LS go buck wild."
"Who's Karen?"
"Forget about it. Let me suck your dick, Haines, c'mere."
As he arrives near the recreational center and pulls into one of the lots it has indeed stopped raining. The streets are still wet but the sun's coming out again and the air is already mushy with the reblooming heat. There's a lanky man with a dog and he's yelling into his phone - the man that is, not the dog.
He knows who the guy is, even though he most likely doesn't know him, probably he doesn't even know that Steve exists. He's an associate of Franklin Clinton and the Bureau keeps a close eye on him, due to the nature of Clinton being so close with Townley and Philips.
Steve watches Lamar, leaning against the hood of his car, the remaining rain wetting his thigh through the denim.
"Man Frank, you just ain't around no more, homie. That's all I'm saying. Yeah - Yeah, sure whatever, dog - Yeah, fuck yourself too, homie."
He hangs up and stuffs his phone back into his pocket. The dog looks at him. "Man, you get the fool more than I do, Chop. Wassup with him, can you tell me? He always been that fool, but something ain't right there."
Steve knows what ain't right there. Franklin must've picked up by now, or maybe Townley told him, what they were up to that one afternoon at the warehouse. And for what he knows about Clinton and what the intel tells him, the young man probably isn't much of a big fan of government-approved interrogation techniques.
And he probably also won't like what Steve has next in stock. Warren was a little careless the last time around, tongue loosend by sweet kisses and a hand around his dick, when he spoke about a securicar delivering important IAA files soon. It won't hurt 14 but it would definitely aid Steve an awful lot, so he decided to send the boys on the road again, maybe on Tuesday.
The production team's van rolls up next to him and they swarm around him like a stock of bees buzzes around their queen and then there's sound and light checks being run and a woman applies powder to his face. Lamar Davis has not moved a single step. Their eyes meet.
"What are you idiots doing here?", he hollers. Steve wonders if he could be of use.
"We're shooting a show", he replies, while the attach a little microphone to his collar, "The Underbelly of Paradise, you surely have already seen an episode or two."
"You're that Haines-guy then?", something in Lamar's voice makes his skin crawl, his files told Steve that he too is a gangster after all, killing and robbing are some of Davis' favourites. The look he shoots him isn't much friendlier.
"In the flesh", Steve dusts of the sleeves of his polo shirt.
"Yeah, aight. Fuck you then, man. C'mon Chop, we best be leavin', homie. Imma take you back to Frank's crib", oh, there is something in Lamar's voice that Steve definitely doesn't like at all but he just smiles politely at the man, until he's around the corner and out of sight. Steve's smile drops.
"Can we hurry this up a little, people? I don't got all day!" The bees start buzzing again.
_
The raid on the Humane goes by easier than expected. They are in Warren's living room, as the news inform about the incident. Steve is just pouring himself another glass of wine and Warren looks at him.
He knows, that the other one knows. It's a cover story the IAA will buy, but not Warren. Pain shoots through his legs as he slowly makes his way towards the sofa.
Warren mouths a few words at him. Be careful. Steve nods and leans over, places a soft kiss on his shoulder.
"Learned from the best", he whispers and Warren jerks.
"What?", there's panic in his voice.
"The Rashkovsky Job? The breakout and then his research goes missing?"
Warren blinks at him in disbelief.
"So, did he let you know if he likes it in South America?"
They laugh and Steve feels light, his fingertips tingle with it.
_
Steve's on his balcony. There's a saxophonist a few meters down the road, playing some Sinatra pieces and the music wraps itself around him like a blanket. The musician's interpretation reaks of melancholy and reminds Steve of the golden days of Vinewood cinema, noir films and cigarette smoke. Musicians playing at street corners isn't something foreign in a city where everyone has dreams of being the next big national superstar, but Steve usually hates him with his guts. This one's different. It touches him and he finds himself enjoying the dark, warm tunes that float through the cool air. It will be autumn soon and Steve's glad that the heat will be gone.
Warren watches him from the inside, leaning against the kitchen counter, lips curled in a smile.
_
Steve has always hated Michael's bloated and ugly, fat face and now he even gets to point a gun at it. It feels like his birthday and christmas fall on the same day.
"They know or they think they know that I'm the one that was behind the incident."
They stare each other into the ground, guns raised. Steve's ready to fire, has been from the minute Townley walked onto the plaza for the first time.
"Put the weapons down, boys. Fun time's over!", Steve wants to sigh. This is not happening. And then they are suddendly surrounded by their own man Sanchez has sent and then fucking Merryweather's there, too. This is not fucking happening. And so he does the only thing he's always been good at.
"We all know you Agency boys are balls deep in a plot to drive up your fundings by any means necessary", he shouldn't have said that. Warren trusted him with that info, even showed him the intel. He sees something moving behind Agent ULP's eyes, it's fear. He's got him.
Suddendly there's a loud pop and then pain shooting through his left leg. "Same goddamn leg", he blurts out as hell starts to break loose around him. Sanchez blood sprays the concrete in a bright red as the bullet pierces his skull. Steve wishes it would've been Michael instead.
He runs until he can't take the pain no more, then cowers on the ground, slowly robbing behind cover, as Dave and Michael pick up the gun fight. He's bleeding heavily, red liquid rushing out of the wound and drenching his cargos. It seems like the bullet is stuck and maybe has wounded some arteries. He figures that he probably hasn't that much time left. He strips himself out of his shirt and wraps it around his leg, adding pressure on his thigh, just above the bullet wound.
He thinks about Warren. Oh dear God, don't let me die today.
_
"What did you do?", it's Warren, he's sitting at Steve's kitchen table.
"Did you let yourself in, pretty boy?"
"What happend?", he sounds furious now, gets up and his eyes bore into Steve's. He's dizzy with it, with what Warren's gaze tells him, let's him know without saying a word.
"Nothing, it's nothing."
"You got shot!"
"Yeah, the same leg."
"That's - you're-"
Steve wraps his arms around him and presses him close and Warren releases a surprised noise. "I'm still here", he says and it's more for and to himself, than for Warren but the other doesn't seem to care, burying his face in Steve's neck.
The world's a little brighter and warmer and Steve doesn't feel that threatend anymore. He has to make a phone call, but that can wait a few more minutes.
_
He has a team on the way to the plant, it will be alright. They'll be gone for good, just another casualty. He sighs, takes a deep breath and throws the script on the seat across from him.
"Are the cameras rolling? Yes? How do I look, the chin's sharp?"
Warren looks at him, eyes still a little hazy from his last orgasm and Steve turns his head and looks at him. He's so pretty and Steve's heart misses a beat.
"I-", his voice breaks and Warren blinks.
"Yeah?"
"I hate you."
Warren laughs. It's deep and dripping with amusement, running down Steve's body like hot honey. He rolls himself over, on top of Warren, who's still laughing deep in his chest, burying a hand in Steve's blond hair.
"No. No, you don't."
They look at each other and their gazes turn soft. "Sometimes I do", Steve's voice is quiet, honesty seeping through his words, "But sometimes I-, I would burn the world down to protect you."
Warren's hand caresses his neck. "My life would be so very boring without you, Haines. It nearly makes me forget that I just really want to skin you alive, sometimes."
It's not really an I love you - I love you too, but it's as close as they can get without hurting their egos. The kiss is soft and sweet and a promise.
"Hi, I'm Steve Haines. I've tracked down killers, attacked incompetence and taken down terrorist cells, and tonight -"
The gunshot rips through the night and the camera man throws himself back, lands unpleasently on his back.
"My god! The guy! What's-his-name! Fuck, shit, they shot him!", he stares down at the dead man, blood rushing out of the bullet wound in the back of his head. The impact had torn some skin and skull apart and there's a nasty opening, his brain leaks out of it. The camera man vomits out of the gondola as sirens erupt in the night.
_
Warren has his feet up on the coffee table, mindlessly zapping through the programs. It's all shallow and boring and he hopes that Steve will be home soon. Home.
His stomach does a funny little flip and Warren smiles to himself, wraps the blanket around him tighter. It smells of him, his perfume. He closes his eyes and he can practically feel Steve's hand creeping around his neck, resting on his shoulder, heavy and warm. It's always like that, when he comes in on Warren sitting on the sofa. He will lean down and place a feather light kiss on the back of his head, maybe rest his nose there for a moment, taking the other man's scent in for a few seconds, before getting up again and ranting about Norton or another colleague. A fuzzy warmth spreads in his stomach and Warren sighs. A sudden noise interrupts his daydreaming and he lazily opens an eye at the TV. It's a Weazle Broadcast.
"We interrupt our nightly program for an important message. We just recieved notice that FIB Special Agent Steve Haines has been shot on duty at the Del Pierro Pier. Agent Haines died a hero, doing what he loved, which was presenting a TV show. He helped combine the chaos of anti-terrorism and the mindlessness of network television into one highly successful career. Mr. Haines, who was not married, leaves behind his mother."
The world goes silent.
_
He's not moving. Has not in hours, maybe it's even a full day at this point. He has not eaten, has not showered, has not moved at all.
Warren feels like a dead man. The thought makes a bitter laugh splutter over his lips and then has him break out in tears immediately after.
It's a scary thought that people continue to live their lives, acknowledging that an agent passed away last night but they are now out and about, at their jobs, maybe seeing friends or family. A lover, even. They are busy living their life's while Warren's just dissolved in a matter of seconds.
It's a scary thought being ripped off of something so dear so abruptly, it's scary how it ripped a hole it Warren's chest that is now filled with a black, emotionless but equally painful void that nags, tears and claws at him.
It's a scary thought that he's alone again.
His body, his throat gives in and he's rolling on his side, screaming and tearing at the blanket, fingers grabbing at the fabric, as his knuckles turn white. He's screaming and screaming and screaming until his throat is sore and his eyes burn and the only noises that leave his mouth are little pathetic whines of exhaustion and the gasping for air. The pain in his chest takes his breath away, chokes him and makes him want to curl up, bore a knife into it, twist and turn it until it goes away. He feels like vomiting.
_
It's Sunday. It's been a little over 30 hours. Warren is tired, but everytime he tries to close his eyes he sees him, hears his laughter ring in his ears. It hurts. It hurts so much, he has hardly any words left to describe the agony he is going through.
His head hurts too, so does his throat and his stomach, with the constant throwing up and the lack of hydration. But he can't bring himself to get up, to grab a glass of water and drown some pain killers and go to bed. His legs are heavy and he just doesn't have the energy.
Warren feels like dying but he's also so painfully alive.
_
He's wide awake. He'll need to find a solution for how he's going to be able to go to work tomorrow.
But for now he's wrapping himself in Steve's blanket, the one he sleeps in when he's been over, inhaling the fading scent.
_
"Agent 14?"
His eyes are red, bloodshot and his fingers are trembling, seconds away from shaking. He had powder this morning to just make it somehow and it's slowly wearing off. He hasn't been on coke since college and it sent him on a murder high, blood pumping like a race horse only to now let him dive head-first into a killer hole.
It's been three days since Steve left his life both, quiet and eardrum-tearing loudly, and it feels like a nightmare, eternal and burning hot. He's empty inside but there's also just so much pain, it feels like he's breaking into pieces. His stomach clenches and his heartbeat is heavy, vibrates thickly in his chest and he just wants to die, too.
"Mrs. Rackham", his voice is rough, it doesn't bother to hide that Warren had been crying and screaming his lungs out every night since Steve's brain had been splattered onto the ferris wheel.
"I need to talk to you."
This is about Avon and Clifford, he's sure. His hand shakes and coffee spills on his desk. He curses under his breath and reaches for a tissue but Mrs. Rackham grabs his hand with force. They look at each other. Warren blinks.
"You are not in a good condition. I don't need explanations or lies, 14. I want to offer you my sincere condolences on your loss, Mister Jones. "
Warren takes a deep breath but he can't keep his eyes from tearing up.
"Take the week off, Agent", as he's not moving, shocked and dumbfounded, she starts to pick his jacket up, "Go now, I'll cover you up."
He gets on his feet, knees weak and body shaking, takes his jacket from her hands.
"Thank you, Phoenicia", he means it.
She looks at him. "I'm sorry", and she means it, too, "The IAA could've done some-"
"Don't."
She nods sharply and then looks at him once more, eyes piercing.
"I lost my husband in service as well, Iraq in 2004."
And then they're hugging, Warren is burrying his face into her neck and wailing like a little child.
_
It's a weird feeling and it fucks with his head as his gaze falls on the door of his apartment. He could've sworn that he heard the key turning the lock. He stares and stares and stares and it feels like his brain is readying for Steve to come through the door anytime.
He doesn't.
_
It's midnight and he had five more moments like the door-lock one earlier. He feels like he may go insane.
Warren fumbles for his phone on the nightstand and opens up Eyefind, types his thoughts into the searchbar.
At the end of his research he's left with two possibilities: it's either a stage of grief (denial they call it - dying's more fitting, Warren thinks) or the sideeffects of the coke slowly wearing off.
_
It's raining. It's like the heavens above are pissing down on him. Warren's crying while the rain relentlessly pounds on his umbrella.
He's standing a few meters away from the funeral party. Steve's mother bails her eyes out and he would like to go over to her and wrap her im his arms but he would just be a stranger to her.
There's a saxophonist in front of the cementry. He's playing Sinatra's Summer Wind, sounding sad but warm nonetheless. Steve's family probably thinks of that as a weird coincidence but Warren has spent two full nights finding the man again, who has played down at Steve's street corner all those months ago. It was difficult and time consuming, but not impossible.
There's a new wave of tears making their way out of Warren's eyes and he has to clasp a hand on his mouth to stop the painful noises from making their way into the soft air of spring. He feels like he's breaking apart, torn into two pieces.
He cries and cries and cries until the funeral party is long gone any the sun sets. The saxophonist is still playing.
_
When Warren comes home the sun's gone for some while and it's dark out. There's a light burning in his kitchen. For a moment, just a split second, it feels like Steve will swing around the corner. But he doesn't.
He walks into the kitchen to find a bouquet of white lillies sitting on the countertop. He checks the card attached to them.
Sorry about your loss.
He doesn't recognize the handwriting, it looks like it could've been written by someone who's older than Warren, male maybe, but his last Hand Writing and Letter Indentification Course was two years ago. He figures his cleaner, a nice elderly lady, had put them there. He thinks about her seeing the bouquet on the door step and carefully carrying them inside, placing them in the only vase Warren has at home. It makes him both sad and glad, glad that at least she's still around.
_
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
14 would've liked to ask Robert Frost if he was just stupid or naive or both.
_
Two days later he's so angry at the world that he grabs the vase and throws it across the room, where it collides with the wall and breaks in a thousand little pieces.
_
The anger keeps on coming, rage that boils hot and white in his stomach, makes him lash out at colleagues and scream his lungs out, throwing things and fits like it's nothing.
He finds himself beating into walls and furniture until his knuckles bleed.
Mrs. Rackham puts him onto another break, Temporarily Suspended Until Further Notice the record reads.
_
Warren's awake, restless but exhausted, again. It's three in the morning. His head hurts, his bones hurts, his whole body feels heavy.
"I should've stopped you from going", he whispers into the night and his mind conjurs up Steve's voice, consoling him.
"No, really. I should have been more persistent. If you just would've stayed with me that night."
Steve answers him again, but it sounds washed out in Warren's ear.
Oh, please don't let me forget his voice.
_
He's not moving again. Hasn't done so in two days.
Mrs. Rackham continues to call him, but he won't pick up. He can't handle her, can't handle her sorrow and her advices. He doesn't want to hear it. She would probably also bug him about not showing up for work again and that's just something he really doesn't want to hear right now.
It's phone rings again and he picks it up to throw it against the wall with all the force he can possibly muster, so it would just shut up, but it's not Phoenicia calling this time. It's Lester.
"14? This is Crest." He doesn't sound good. Warren doesn't know what to say.
"I am, ehrm, calling to see how you're doing?" Odd. He can't bring himself to say anything back. "You know I, err, saw you didn't clock in to work for a few days? Are you doing, ehrm, well?"
"Yeah", it sounds as broken as he feels. There's an uncomfortable silence on the other end of the line for a few seconds, maybe even for a full minute. He hears Lester's inhaler.
"I, well I err heard about Haines."
It should send him into a rage, a fit, maybe even crying manically but there's just nothing. Just the casual numbness that hangs above him like thick clouds these days.
"Yeah, a shame, isn't it?"
There's coughing, then deep breaths being taken. "You're not doing too well, Crest?"
"Can we meet up, 14? I", another cough, "I know a place."
_
The sun's out and it burns in Warren's eyes, on his skin, even though he's wearing both, a jacket and sunglasses. Crest sits across from him at the table, not touching his iced coffee. So isn't Warren, he is neither thirsty nor hungry.
They are at a bean machine on Vinewood Boulevard. It's one of the stores Steve used to buy his coffee at. There should be stining pain at the thought but there's just sadness, blackness wandering through Warren's mind.
"You don't look too good", Crest says.
"You neither", Warren says and to mask the shaking of his voice he takes a sip from the coffee. It tastes like nothing, like liquid paper.
"I don't feel to good either. But you also don't, so what's the matter, 14."
Warren just shrugs. Lester looks at him, a steady and stern gaze, as if he's looking for answers in Warren's eyes, in his fucking soul.
"What are we doing here?"
"Just looking after a, err, friend."
"We're not friends, Crest."
"Associates then, maybe?", the look on his face is a little sad, offended. Warren can't bring himself to care.
"Yeah, whatever."
"Any lead, yet?"
Warren lifts his eyebrows in suprise. "A lead?"
"Yeah, you know", Crest clears his throat and leans in a little, "Who did it, you know."
Maybe Warren's mind is playing tricks on him again, but Crest looks a little concerned.
"No, none. Nothing."
Crest nods and leans back. Lester doesn't offer his help, so Warren decides that he then won't ask for it. Still confused and mouth already opened he wants to know why, as Lester's lungs throw a fit, his body cramping and being thrown forward and then back again by his dry coughs. Warren's up on his feet in a matter of seconds, his heartbeat picking up a fast rate he hasn't feeled in weeks, adrenaline rushing through his veins. He grabs Lester by his shoulders and holds him up, while he coughs coughs coughs. At the end of it there's blood on his chin.
"You're not planing on dying as well, are you?"
The look Lester shoots him, slumped in his chair with other guests on the terrace staring at them in shock, makes Warren's skin crawl.
_
He hasn't been at an attorney's office ever. It's a weird experience.
The people are nice and calm and so is Mister Allan, who has Steve's testament laying in front of him.
"So, Mister Jones, shall we get started then?"
Warren nods. It still confuses him. He wonders what Steve's mother thought, when she heard that she won't inherit everything. Warren doesn't want money, money won't replace anything.
He must've said that out loud, because Allan chuckles.
"Mister Haines hasn't left you money. No need to worry, Mister Jones."
He leaves the office with a black box tucked safely under his arm. He doesn't open it, not in the office, not on the way out in the elevator, not at home. He tucks it away in his closet, deep down where he keeps a ski puffer, that he never wears anyways.
_
He finds himself talking to Steve, or what his mind conjurs up of his memories, more often. It helps him, or so he hopes.
He misses him and the soliloquy is a good substitute, at least for now.
_
They are at a clinic just above the hills and behind the Vinewood sign, far away from the city, the air is dry and crisp nonetheless. Lester sits in a wicker chair, wrapped in a blanket and stares at the fountain in the middle the perfectly trimmed meadow. Warren sits next to him, craving a cigarette, but not lighting one. He'll have to wait a couple more minutes, until the nurse will bring Lester back into the clinic.
"Thank you for stopping by", Crest means it.
"Am I the only one?"
"No, oh no. There's, ehrm, Franklin's coming over too, once or twice a week."
He looks better, rested. Warren doesn't know who Franklin is, but he nods politely anyways.
"That's nice."
"Yeah, he's a good kid." A crook then.
"Are they treating you well up here?"
"It's fine, I- argh, fuck it. The dinner's horrible but the doctor's are good enough. Won't make a difference anyways."
"That's what they're saying then?", Warren looks into the setting sun. From up here Los Santos seems peaceful, quiet, a big, glorious and shining city. It's a hell hole full of shit, Warren knows that now, but he can't leave. Not yet.
"Yeah. No. They don't say it, but they mean it. It's in their eyes." Lester takes a sip of his water.
"Don't say that, Crest."
Lester looks at him. He doesn't say it, but the look on his face says it all. You've been through enough, I won't tell you that I'm dying soon.
"Yeah, well, it was nice seeing you. Getting better and such", Warren gets up, the wicker creaking, his phone in hand and sunglasses back on. They look at each other for a long, quiet moment and then Warren nods, turns around to leave. A surprisingly strong hand grabs his arm.
"I have a project, it's happening right now, Warren."
He stops in his tracks. From somewhere behind the fountain laughter sweeps up the hill. There's an old lady on the meadow with their grandchildren and they're playing ball. She has a bandage around her head.
"A project?", Warren doesn't turn around.
"Yeah, I'd like you to take over. You need something to do."
"I still have a job, Crest."
"That reminds you of him." It's like a kick into his guts and there's sudden rage boiling inside of him, but there's also something else. A certain calmness, that wraps itself around his shoulders like a white blanket. T feels a lot like clarity.
"That it does, yeah."
"I'll have Paige bring you the details."
"Sure. Good night, Crest."
He walks over the little path out of bark mulch, that is overgrown by trees, back to his car. He feels oddly content.
_
See, life does goes on. It's a weird thought that strikes him out of nowhere. He's afraid of forgetting everything that was, since forgetting always seemed easy. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week but who knows what will be in a year? Maybe he'll catch himself sooner or later, not thinking about Steve for a few weeks, months, years.
He's afraid of that, sincerely so.
_
The air in the bunker is cold and damp. Some of his people are moving out the old equipment. He doesn't know Crest's newest associate, it's most likely no one from the Hertz/Clifford-Incident.
I'm sorry I called him a buffoon, if I had only known back then.
He thinks of Phoenicia's concerned face and suddendly he finds himself smiling.
"Oh, he was a buffoon, you weren't wrong, Ma'am", he says to himself and hears a quiet chuckle errupting from his chest. There's sadness floading him, but it's warm and sweet and feels like an old friend.
There's no time for tears as the door of the bunker suddendly beeps loudly, informing him of a visitor arriving.
_
"So, you're getting along, then?", Crest sounds better. Warren lets go a breath, he doesn't even know he held in the first place.
"Yeah. They are quiet, but I appreciate the effort they are putting into it."
"I told you, they're are reliable."
"So you did."
There's a long pause, silence.
"Listen, Crest. I gotta go, speak to you soon."
As he hangs up, he's confronted with his lie, standing alone in his quiet living room.
_
The next time Lester invites him over, he says yes. He lives in a bigger, cleaner house now and Warren can only guess, that he was indeed involved in the robbery at the Casino his team is trying to solve right now. He'll offer them a false trace. Maybe they'll pick that one up.
"Georgina's not home, you just missed her", Lester wobbles down the stairs to the living room, crutch in hand.
"Who?"
"Georgina, he lives with her", Warren looks up, from where he is securing Lester's arm with his own hand and looks into the face of a young man. He looks younger than himself and wears expensive street style clothing.
"Who are you?"
"That's Franklin, Warren. Franklin, that's the friend I've been telling you about."
"Pleasure", Warren's voice still on the edge, while the man's handshake is firm.
"You lost your man, dog? Lest been telling me."
"I did, eight months ago."
There's something moving behind Franklin's face but he's quick to cover it up. Warren wonders: what and why.
"Shame man, I'm sorry to hear that, homie. My girl left me, too."
"He didn't leave me. He died."
Franklin looks at Lester, confused and a little reproachful, too. Then, it seems to click, as Franklin looks at him again. He now looks a little terrified, actually.
"Franklin was just leaving anways, weren't you?", Crest sits down in a beige armchair. Warren notices that he has new glasses.
"Yeah, shit. I mean of course, I was on my way out. Nice meeting you man, I hope you're, you know, doing better soon. See you around."
"Thank you", Warren recieves an awkward pat on his shoulder and then Franklin's steps distance themselves, until the front door falls shut.
_
He didn't leave me. He died.
His own words echo in his skull but they don't throw him into a manic tantrum, he's not crying, not screaming. He's oddly calm.
Is this how it feels, when one comes to terms with something, he wonders. Maybe, it is.
He died.
That he did and it must've been fucking ugly. Blood and soupy brain everywhere. Warren wishes he could've held him during these moments, when the body is slowling shutting down, when something mysterious, unknown happens to the human consciousness.
He died.
And Warren had missed him every single day since then. He leans himself against the closed bedroom door of his apartment and then makes his way to his closet.
The box is still where he has left it.
He died. He died. He died.
"I miss you, Steve", he whispers into the silence of his flat and then he smiles, it's small and sad, and he sinks onto the ground, box clutched in his hands, "Fuck, I wish you were still here."
There's silence but Warren likes to think that something of Steve's mind, his soul is still left on this earth, stayed with him. It's a nice thought, even if it's unrealistic. It's still consoling.
Steve's gone for good, but just because his body doesn't walk the dirty streets of LS anymore doesn't mean that he left Warren's life completely - he still existed, left his footprints behind. And Warren's ready, willing even, to take carefully aligned pictures of them and hang them on his wall. He's ready to look at them every day that may come and maybe he'll stop crying at some point. Or maybe he won't. He'll be fine.
It's an odd feeling. His life still feels empty, incomplete since Steve passed and so does Warren. He feels empty, shallow and sad, but it will pass and he will take the time. It doesn't mean forgetting him, quite the contrary maybe.
He flips the lid, puts it aside carefully with a quiet thump on the carpet below. He takes a look inside and bursts out laughing.
_
"Did he leave you something?", he hasn't seen her in years, since college. She used to be his flat mate.
"Yeah", he smiles to himself.
"What is it?", she looks moved and Warren would love to tell her, but he can't. He really can't. Not all of it, anyways.
"A letter."
"A letter?"
"Yeah, a fucking love letter."
"Warren! Don't say that! It's very heartwarming!"
It's been a year. He still misses him. "He wasn't the type for it, that's all."
He thinks of the envelope he keeps in his safe. It's a document, FIB header and logo, completely official.
Reference: Counter Espionage, Crimes Against National Safety, A Report By Steve Haines to be handed to Misses Phoenicia Rackham In Relation "To Agent 14", Mister Warren Jones
"Oh, was he not, you know, a little a romantic?"
"No, it must've taken a lot for him to write a love letter." It was really sweet and it went well with the attempt to put Warren in a High Security Penitentiary.
"Really?", she looks a little concerned, but she doesn't get Steve, their relationship as it was, like Warren does.
He looks up from his coffee cup and lights a cigarette. He hasn't had a smoke in a long time but at least he stopped with the cocaine.
"Yeah. Sometimes", there's a smile tugging at his lips, "Sometimes I think he would've rather seen me locked away."
#i'm sorry but i had to#my writing#steve/14 tag#steve haines/agent 14#agent steve haines#agent 14#gta v#gta online
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