#also making this at the same time i made my chimney one was so great

[mvltisstuff]

Hi!, I hope you’re doing okay I know Finals can be stressful, but I hope everything going great :).

I saw that you were doing requests again so I was wondering if we can get a fluffy fic with Buck and Reader having their wedding and Reader also announce at the wedding that she’s pregnant!

Also can you make Bobby the father of Reader :)

la vie en rose - e.b

summary: request :)

evan buckley x nash!reader

a/n: thank you for the request, you guys are wicked creative and i love reading them 🩶 were 1/7 finals done so we’re getting back in the groove 💪

y/n’s hair fell down in light curls on her shoulders, her face done in light makeup. a veil fell down her back and on her white, luscious dress. the time, the money, and love put into this day had finally come to a start. and y/n and buck couldn’t be more excited.

buck could jump up and down at the thought of her having his last name. his last name will on her license, her cards, their kids, next to hers. he could explode from excitement when he looks at the stupendous ring that he picked out. y/n looked at hers the same way, the silver band with minute gems on the middle screamed bucks name. she didn’t want to see it anywhere else but on his left hand.

marriage is a vast milestone in one’s life. the second buck, who proposed in an incredible buck way, got down on one knee, he knew he made the right choice. the rest of his life was meant to be with this woman. and he knew the rest of his life with her would be the best of his life.

standing in front of each other at the ceremony, being an emotional man who just can’t get enough love, bucks eyes welled up with tears the second he saw her flashing smile and radiant eyes. she looked absolutely heavenly, as always, but something was particularly different this time. the bewitching scenery around them and the aesthetic venue has perfectly made the night. watching y/n walk down the isle with her father, bobby, linked arm to arm with her made bucks already massive heart grow ten sizes.

bobby was always buck’s second father. he was there for him always, giving him proper guidance and acceptance that buck always needed growing up. when his own dad couldn’t do that for him, bobby picked up the pieces. bobby couldn’t be happier. his daughter was so happy with buck, and that’s all he wanted for the both of them. having bobby as a mentor made buck a better person, and bobby as a father made y/n the perfect daughter.

y/n’s own tears begin to rise into her eyes when she sees buck, dressed neatly in his black suit. eddie was standing next to him with christopher and a few of bucks good friends. maddie had stood in her alluring bridesmaids dress. y/n and maddie connected so well, and seeing buck perk up whenever she came into a room made maddies heart soar of happiness and delight.

they stood before the officiator, who was reading off things to buck that were almost nonsense. he had memorized everything, as he knew that her beauty would capture him and he couldn’t process anything else.

“i, evan buckley,” buck says. “take you, y/n y/l/n as my lawful wife.”

“to have and to hold, for better or for worse,” y/n speaks gently, locking eyes with her soon-to-be husband.

“in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish.”

“until death do us part,” they finish off their traditional vows and look to the guests. maddie is bawling her eyes out, trying not to make a peep. bobby is better at hiding his tears, hand in hand with athena as he sits in front row, watching his little girl become a wife. eddie and chimney have a smile wider than the horizon and hen and her wife watch in admiration of the couple. ravi, had been quietly cheering in the front row as well, cooling down his ‘life of the party’ personality until the end of the ceremony.

before the priest can finish his sentence about the first kiss, buck grabs the back of y/n’s neck and pulls her into a deep kiss, placing his other hand on her hip. they’ve kissed more times than they can count, but sparks will forever fly every time. this one is particularly special, for it commemorates the rest of their lives together.

the newlyweds step down and walk back down the isle while holding hands and sniffling shamelessly.

the after party was sick, open bars and decor with the live band. the first dance was magical, everyone feeling the love from buck and y/n radiate through the huge room. the circular tables were placed throughout the room, with the entire 118 at one table. they’d formed one table, and the buckleys had intentionally put all their friends name tags around one table. the caterers at the wedding had set up everywhere, and they couldn’t imagine a better night.

chimney came back with ravi and bobby, all of them hauling several drinks over, handing the biggest ones to y/n and buck. “for the husband and wife!” bobby says, placing the cocktails down in front of them. y/n stared at the drinks in front of her, trying to figure out how to get out of this situation. she’s never been one to back out, which kind of alarmed the rest of the team.

y/n had been experiencing extreme fatigue for the past few weeks, and the concern of her health was so important to her. she wasn’t sure if her dad could take the loss of another child. she had been the only one to survive the fire, and the two of them were left to fend off of each other. her pregnancy was quite random, her and buck were getting married in just a few weeks. y/n didn’t know how she was going to hide it, but eventually, the anxiety was drowned out by excitement. they knew they wanted a family, it just happened sooner than they thought.

“oh, i’m alright, ravi,” she politely declines, causing confusion from her husband and her friends.

“c’mon, y/n! it’s your wedding day!” hen cheers on, pushing the drink back closer to her.

“yeah, you ok?” buck asks, quietly to not make his new wife overwhelmed.

“guys, really,” y/n smiles, looking down at her hands. “i’m fine, just not in a drinking mood.”

“you’re allowed to have a drink, y/n. you never get this day back,” bobby encourages her to have one to celebrate the new chapter in her life, but the new addition is more important.

“no, i’m not allowed to.”

everyone looks at her like she has ten heads, surprised that she’s not going all out on her wedding night.

“i cant because i’m pregnant,” she finishes, looking at buck first. his mouth was wide open, his chin on the floor.

“s-sorry, what?” she looks at bucks nervous face and nods. “oh! oh, my god?” he kisses her again, not knowing any other words to describe how he feels. hen let’s out a sharp squeal, before jumping up into y/n’s arms, almost knocking her out of the chair. maddie, who no one thought could cry so much, starts sobbing even more because her little brother became a husband and a parent in one day. y/n makes eye contact with her teary-eyed father, clutching hands with his own wife.

hen pulls away, and y/n says, “dad?”

“i, i don’t know what to say, y/n. other than i’m proud of you. and you’ve been the perfect daughter, and you’re going to be the perfect mom.”

“to your grandchild!” chimney pokes fun at bobby, who sips his club soda.

“don’t remind me, chim,” he says jokingly pointing out his age.

y/n and buck can’t peel their eyes away, and buck finds his hand migrating to her current no-bump stomach. “i love you so much, thank you, thank you!” buck says, over and over again.

“i love you to the moon, darling. i picked the best man, and i know you’ll be the best dad,” y/n grins, her cheeks becoming sore from the repeated smiles. “i still can’t believe you’re not a dream.”

#911 #911onfox #bobby nash #eddie diaz #evan buckley #evan buckley fanfic #athena grant #henrietta wilson #evan buck buckley x reader #evan buckley x reader #maddie buckley #howie han #911 chimney #may grant #evan buckley x y/n #evan buckley fanfiction #evan buckley one shot #evan buck buckely

[loveyourownsmiilee]

Talking Buddie Language: Ep 6.15

This episode was really a rollercoaster of emotions. One of the main themes being death and grief made it very hard to watch for any one who have lost a loved one, especially a parent. I want to send anyone who struggled with this episode a big hug on my behalf 💜

We got a few good moments within this episode and a great Buck and Eddie moment in my opinion and I for one am really excited to get into it. There’s so much build up that continues with each and every episode which makes me believe we’re heading towards a huge finale. The ride’s been bumpy but we’re getting closer friends.

Before getting into this meta, one little thing I want to highlight is how we’re seeing Buck and Eddie working together again as partners on the job. Not only that, but they do such a wonderful job framing them two being close to each other and constantly looking at one another. In the first call we see Eddie looking back at Buck as he walks past him and I just love those little bits we get. Now I don’t know if it’s Ryan and Oliver’s little twist or it’s actually on the script, but I love to see it nonetheless.

Diaz Boys Visit Shannon

I really found the scene with Christopher and Eddie, visiting Shannon‘s grave to be so heartbreaking and emotional because we haven’t really had them talking about their grieving when it comes to her. The last we really heard of Shannon was in 5.10 during the Christmas episode where Christopher was worried. I really loved that they showed us Christopher talking to his mother about his accomplishments and schoolwork and his likes. This was about the Diaz family in its entirety but I can’t help but notice the bold parallel we get with Christopher and Eddie in this scene.

C: Do you think she can hear us when we talk to her?

E: Absolutely. That’s why we come here.

Now just to refresh anyone’s memory, back in 6.11 when Chris begged to see Buck while he was in a coma, we got him asking Eddie and Hen:

C: Can he hear me?

H: Bet he can.

He talks to Shannon and Buck the same, quiet and lovely way. His voice is steady and you can hear how much he loves the both of them. And I think with this blatant parallel, the show really is trying to emphasize how important Buck is in not only Eddie’s life, but Christopher’s as well. They’ve done a lot to highlight Buck and Christopher’s relationship aside from Eddie and this moment where he talks to his mother, in the same tone of voice as he did Buck, really speaks volumes as to what they’re trying to convey to their audience.

But going back to Eddie and Christopher, you can see how both of them are still grieving the loss of their mother and wife. Eddie is really trying not to tear up even though it’s hard, especially when he knows his son is still hurting from losing his mother at a young age. The part with the s’mores really made me so emotional because of what it can represent.

C: Can we make an extra one for mom?

E: Always.

The way I interpreted this scene was Christopher shyly, asking his father if they can keep his mother’s memory alive. To which Eddie confirms that she will always be a part of their lives, and in their hearts. It also ties in with what we saw last week with Eddie struggling to date/move on, but embracing that he doesn’t want to be alone forever.

Talk About Taxes At The 118

One of my favorite things on the show is when the firefam discuss literally all their life problems with each other at work. This time we see Chimney freaking out about the fact that him and Maddie are getting audited. This then leads into everyone else discussing how they do their taxes and there’s just a cute moment that I wanted to highlight here between Buck and Eddie, that came to be because of Ravi.

R: Look don’t beat yourself up Chim. I’m not great at doing my taxes either. No one is.

B: Uh, I am!

R: Seriously?

E: You missed his whole super power phase.

I love the fact that Ravi really questioned Buck because he was in disbelief over the fact that he may be smart enough to do his taxes. Which I know is like a running thing within the firefam that Buck is not as smart as he seems. But that’s like the opposite of what is in fact true because we’ve actually seen him come up with really wonderful saves while they’re trying to help the victims. I love how Eddie reverts to his usual flirty teasing ways but does it with such fondness that it would make anyone blush. He even looks at Buck while he says it and prolongs his stare just a little bit. It’s small things like these that really makes me wonder how it’s not obvious to anybody else that Eddie seems to be in love with Buck.

The Living Funeral

This was definitely something we haven’t seen before. The fact that there was a living funeral that got interrupted by an actual car crash was ironic in my opinion. Poor Marie just wanted a reunion with her friends and family that she hadn’t seen in a while and she ended up injured at this living funeral that they put for her.

One thing I found very interesting was the fact that Natalia was the one kneeling next to Marie. But the way they shot that scene, you see Eddie coming to take over where she’s kneeling, and she immediately gives up her place to him. Now I don’t know if I’m just seeing things or thinking things, but something about that specific moment, makes me feel like she is going to be some sort of placeholder for Eddie in the very near future. And when I say, placeholder, I mean a placeholder for what Eddie represents in Buck’s life. It may be possible for Buck to be interested in her on a romantic level. However, I don’t think that’s going to be the right partner for him and I will go into that a little bit more later on. Just the important thing here is the fact that I feel like, she is in place of Eddie currently, but he will eventually take over what she is representing in Buck’s life.

I love seeing Buck and Eddie, working together as partners again on the field. Just having Bobby say their names together made me feel all warm inside. This season we have seen Eddie take on more of a medic role and I just really miss him and Buck being fire fighting partners together.

When Eddie, Hen, and Buck are at Marie’s side, I want to highlight how the moment she explains that this funeral was for her, Eddie immediately looks over to Buck, while Buck looks over to Hen. They’re all in disbelief but one thing I find consistent with them on calls is them looking at each other when their victims say crazy things. So the fact that Eddie reverted to immediately look at Buck, but Buck was looking at Hen kind of teases some miscommunication amongst them two. They’re always in sync so the fact that this one tiny moment you can see them not being on the same wavelength really does tell me that there’ll be a misunderstanding or miscommunication of sorts soon.

M: We’re all gonna die alone. Might as well spend time with our loved ones while we’re still living.

Eddie’s face after she said that to him broke me. This was very reminiscent to Lev’s final words to Buck in 6.04. Buck collects old men while Eddie collects old women right? I believe her words are going to have a massive impact on Eddie these last few episodes, just how Lev’s words stayed with Buck throughout the majority of this season.

The End Of Life Doula

I love how when Marie introduces Natalia to them, Hen and Eddie look at her questionably. Meanwhile Buck seems intrigued almost immediately. This parallels to when he met Taylor Kelly for the first time when they saved her from the helicopter and he was smitten pretty much from the beginning. That’s the thing with Buck. He always dives in head first without actually sitting down and thinking about it fully. He sees a cute and interesting girl and is sold right away.

Buck seemed interested in her because of what she does and he tried his awkward flirting with her from the very beginning. The man clearly has unresolved trauma from his brush with death, and he is clearly not seeking help for it. So it makes sense that he would be interested in someone who helps with people dying.

From the way she was responding to him, you can tell there was no immediate attraction or interest on her part. Well, until she found out that he died. Then you see her facial expression morph into that of interest, and she immediately wanted to find out more. Which clearly was unexpected for Buck because he seemed confused when she told him the fact that he died was awesome! He even looked very shocked that she asked him out for coffee. There is clearly some kind of disconnect there, because it’s so obvious that he is thinking she’s really interested in him, meanwhile, she’s literally interested in the fact that he died.

Eddie Talks To His Mom

I love any and all scenes we get with the Diaz boys. I love how this season we’ve gotten so much Christopher content and he’s literally growing up in front of our eyes. He is so bossy and sassy and clearly running things in that household and we adore him for it. It also makes me believe he’s going to be a part of a bigger storyline that ties the season together.

C: We’re gonna be late. Dad hurry up.

I will say, Eddie trying to make time to go back home is something. He’s in a much better place with his parents and he genuinely wants to go and visit them. He also knows that time isn’t promised to anyone so he should see his family as often as he can. And that’s just coming out of the living funeral. But one thing that Eddie said really raised the hairs on my neck because it was such an obvious foreshadowing and not a good one at that.

E: We’ll figure something out ok, I promise. We got time.

Now the concept of time has been following Eddie around for many seasons now. The most recent one was literally mentioned in 6.01 when he’s playing the game with Chris at Buck’s loft.

E: Time. Aw you’ll win next time.

There’s just something about the concept of Eddie really thinking he has all this time to do something. Now what that something is is the question here, but the last time we had him give any sort of advice on time, it was to Chimney. He literally told him, “Tomorrow is not promised. So if you love her, tell her.” This is why I believe that the way they have Eddie continuously talking about time and how he has so much of it, especially knowing that he’s now open to finding love right at the time where the one person that might be the best partner for him is seeking love elsewhere, says a lot. Maybe now it’s his time because he’s sort of running out and he needs to do or say something before he really is out of it.

Date With The Death Doula

This date was literally giving the same cringey vibes as Ana and Eddie’s first date. The fact that Buck was super flirty and seemed into her, but she wasn’t, says so much to anyone watching. He was leaning in towards her the entire time but he did have his arms folded in front of him, which indicates he’s not fully opening all of himself up to her. He’s keeping some things to himself. She had sat back in her chair the entire time and really was just interested in what he had to say about his death, which was worrisome to be honest. It felt like she was questioning him and studying him for her own enjoyment, which is exactly how Taylor was any time they had scenes together.

Buck was definitely flirty with her with his little sparkly eyes, the way he teased her on being a death fan girl but it lacked it from her. You only see her show interest when she leans in towards him the moment he opens up about his coma dream.

Her calling him being close to death “cool” threw him back for a second because he seemed confused as to why she would consider that cool. But again he brushed it off as if she has some weird obsession to it. Which really should’ve been his biggest red flag, but alas Buck doesn’t realize the bad habits he partakes in most of the times.

The biggest takeaway from this “date” is the fact that it was literally built on death, and I don’t see how anything could bloom out of this. It foreshadows this so called “relationship” dying out eventually. Then he told her about his coma dream, which is ironic because he mainly told her about something that wasn’t real. We’ve never seen him talk to Eddie about his coma, dream, only things and feelings that are real to him concerning his death. That distinct difference is very loud in my opinion. Makes you think about the choices they’re making to show how he is with others and how he is with Eddie.

Buck and Eddie Have A Deep Talk At The Cemetary

I can’t believe they dressed so similarly to what they wore in 5.14!! Thank you Miss Taylor Wong for both episodes. Honestly, my heart was really breaking for Eddie during this entire scene.

First of all, these two literally do not comprehend the definition of personal space and I love them for it. As I have mentioned in my previous metas, their bodies are so in tune with the others that they just gravitate towards each other like magnets. They also always dress up for the other. Every single time we get Buck and Eddie doing something together, they're in their best clothes, which is funny considering Buck wore literal joggers on his "date" with Natalia.

E: We're all gonna die alone. It's what she said to me and Hen.

Poor Eddie really is going through it these last few episodes with the whole being alone and dying alone thing. Here's the thing, he did lose a spouse and he still hasn't fully gotten over that. But something about the last episode where he was in agreement about him not wanting to be alone, to now telling Buck they're all going to die alone says something.

It's the fact that it's these two together discussing dying alone when the few times either man almost died, or in Buck's case did actually die, they weren't alone at all. In fact, they were with each other. Buck was the person standing in front of Eddie when he got shot and he was the one who saved him. Eddie was at the bottom of the ladder and he ran up to get to Buck when he got hit by the lightning. Neither man was alone. But the way Eddie says that kind of indicates that he is anticipating be alone in death.

Now I don't want to go too much into speculating why he would think that, but I did find it interesting he said it to Buck, almost as if he already knows Buck won't be by his side in the very end. That's a rather morbid thought and I think it really does come from Eddie having feelings for Buck, but fully believing it's one-sided. I can't get over Eddie being so in love with Buck that he just knows he will never find another partner that is perfect for him. So he'll have to suffer through Buck moving on and finding the right partner, starting his own family, when Eddie is left behind loving him til his last breath. Now I know Eddie is dramatic and so was this little speculation so I apologize for that.

I found it interesting that Eddie was the one to bring up Natalia and not in his usually jealous teasing way. He opened the door for Buck to discuss her and discuss he did.

B: Yeah, uh Natalia. I may have paid her a visit too.

(Gif by @eddiediaaz)

Eddie's immediate reaction is that of exasperation. He is clearly already over hearing the same damn story all over again because that's what it always is, the same story every time Buck meets a woman on a call.

E: Really?

His voice is so heartbroken in this one word. He seems in disbelief but also you can hear how it's not his usual tone of voice. He isn't really teasing him or jealous even, just hurt.

E: Dating somebody you rescued. You know that never ends well.

Eddie is literally speaking from his and Buck's own personal experiences. Any sane person would be able to tell that Buck is reverting back to old habits where he gets all excited about the possibility of a new relationship when he's experienced something traumatic. What he needs is a therapist to be honest.

B: This is different. Anyway she wanted to ask me about the lightning strike.

E: Right, you love being the guy with the answers.

(Gifs by @eddiediaaz)

Something about this line delivery from Eddie really makes the viewer see how much he listens to Buck. Not only that, but he pays attention and retains everything he says. He also proves how well he knows Buck with just that one line. And this is before Buck even goes on to break his heart a little bit.

B: There's something different about her. I feel like she sees me. You know, she, she really sees me for who I am and what I've been through. I think she might even see more in me than I see in myself.

The way Eddie immediately turns his head and looks at Buck in disbelief screams volumes. He cannot believe Buck would say that to him of all people, especially considering that Eddie is the person who knows Buck the best. Isn't that what 6.12 proved to us? That he is Buck's person, the one who knows him truly inside and out, the one where he doesn't have to pretend with. So clearly you can see how Buck's words hurt Eddie. But I don’t think that was Buck’s intentions at all. I think sometimes, it’s easier to open up to a stranger because you know there won’t be any judgement or criticism from them that may come from someone who already knows you. Especially when it’s someone who knows you on a somewhat intimate level. Not saying Eddie would do either of those things. But maybe for Buck, talking about his death to a stranger was somewhat easier because he didn’t have to really dive into all the feelings he has behind it. Whereas he can’t lie to Eddie because he knows him better than anyone else. It was also much less serious with Natalia, whereas he was so honest and raw when discussing about it with Eddie.

E: Look I know we razzed you about your own math skills. Maybe I even tried to get rich off em. To be honest, you haven't been the same since it happened. How could you?

This whole scene really is very loaded. You can see the exact moment Eddie comes to a certain realization because of the way his eyes drift away from Buck and look off into the distance. He is connecting the dots about something. To be honest, I think this was somewhat of an oh moment for him. I think it was mostly him realizing that he himself is different after Buck's death. I mentioned in my 6.12 meta how the way Eddie was talking about how Buck would have feelings about his death implied that he had some unresolved feelings about Buck's death as well. I think witnessing Buck die for 3 minutes and 17 seconds really took a toll on Eddie as we saw in 6.11. He was grieving, he did not handle it well. And that is why he differs from Natalia. Whereas Natalia was so interested and wanted to know more about Buck dying, Eddie couldn't even look at him. He couldn't talk to him and just thinking about the fact that he had to live in a world without Buck for any amount of time killed him. It changed him forever and I think there needs to come a point where Eddie talks about his own feelings regarding Buck's death.

B: Truth is, I uh, I still feel like I have to try and be the same Buck, mostly for the sake of everyone else.

(Gifs by @bilosan)

Eddie shaking his head at Buck's words show that he does know him better than anyone else, especially someone he just met.

E: You don't have to be anything for anybody. And no one is ever the same. From 1 day to the next. Experiences like this, it change us. So what changed in you?

B: When I woke up in that hospital I felt like I had gotten away with something.

E: You cheated death.

I love how when Buck talks about someone else seeing who he is, Eddie shows him that no one will know him and understand him the way he does. Buck can say something and Eddie will know where his line of thinking is headed towards.

B: My life could’ve ended, right then and there. But it uh, it didn't. That has to mean something right?

E: It means you're one lucky guy.

B: Yeah, well I don't think Ima get that lucky again.

E: Well maybe you don't have to. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice.

B: Which is why I have to make the most out of every single moment.

When Buck pauses here, you can see Eddie tilting his head towards him and patiently waiting for what he has to say. The moment it registers that Buck is looking for something other than Eddie, you see his expression drop a bit. He knows he really is alone at the moment and that Buck is going to give someone else a chance, and you can see the hurt on his face.

B: It's all a gift.

Now some thing that kept playing in the back of my mind while watching this scene was the Buckley Diaz family scene from 6.01 where Buck is complaining about Lucy getting chosen as interim caption instead of himself.

B: Struggling to pick a replacement when he has so many other excellent options right under his nose.

E: Like you?

B: It’s like he’s choosing not to see them and everything they have to offer.

Note how similar these two scenes are to each other. Eddie once again proving how well he knows Buck and knowing where his line of thinking is headed. But it's the fact that Buck is the one explicitly saying how there is the chance of choosing not to see someone who is right under his nose, and everything they offer. Because Eddie has been showing him he loves him in his own way for years now. He literally gave Buck the most precious thing he had, his entire world, his son, on a silver platter and Buck chose not to see that for what it really was worth. So now, it's going to be time for Buck to really open his eyes and realize that instead of repeating the same bad habits and jumping into relationships with people who are bad for him, that he gives someone who has been there in front of him the whole time, a shot. I think they have laid out all the pieces perfectly to get these two together, but they're slowly building the puzzle. We will get it done eventually friends.

Eddie’s Going To El Paso

I love how the man seems to want to flee the state in midst of everything he found out about regarding Buck being into the death doula. Now I’m only partly joking but I think it’s nice that he wants to go back.

The couch parallel scene with Christopher is so loud!! They had Eddie literally come and see Christopher asleep the same exact way we saw him see Buck asleep in 6.12. The couch metaphor is supposed to be present leading up to the finale and so far, every single thing we’ve seen involving a couch has been related to the Diaz boys. I mean it’s not that hard to imply what it can all mean especially for the finale.

The picture of Shannon and Chris falling possibly foreshadows something bad happening to the Diaz family. Now I’m not quite sure if something will happen to Christopher or a family member of Eddie’s. But I think it was pointed to having the picture of them fall and that being the thing that makes Eddie want to call his mom back and tell her they’re going back.

Finally, the way Eddie was looking at that photo just tells me he’s finally in a place that he wants to move on. He wants to find that love again and a partner in life again. And I think he knows who that person is but he’s running out of time to do something about it. So it’ll be interesting to see how this storyline develops further. I wonder if we’ll see pining Eddie or jealous Eddie or an Eddie that goes out and opens himself up to different possibilities to get over Buck. I’m intrigued to see what the rest of the episodes have in store for us for both men! It’s definitely going to be crazy ride for sure!

Thank you so much if you took the time to read this entirely. It really means a lot to me. If you’d like to be tagged in these, please let me know here. Finally, a big thank you to my lovely @aa-lionheart for all the wonderful gifs 💜

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #911 spoilers #911 meta #buddie meta #buddie language meta #911 speculation #this took forever and I’m so so sorry friends

[baddygab-bi]

Episode thoughts!!

What was with Chimney really emphasizing how small that couple’s house was? Like they made a really big deal out of the size of their house only for it not to be about the house at all? Like why are we house shaming? You just bought this house recently with help from your in-laws.

Marisol rubbing up on Eddie’s arm in the date scene was big cringe. Same with them standing in the hallway in each other’s arms. They really forced that blocking and I did not care for it. Also… there was a flashback to 2 months earlier. We know they were leaving for the cruise at the end of season 6. One can assume we’re picking up from there. So the time jump is only as long as that weird recovery part of the season 6 finale plus a few days or so. So they’ve been dating for that long and she’s already super involved in Chris’ life. I’m not a single parent, but I feel like that’s fast. Eddie really in his romantic idgaf era.

Buck saying “you don’t want him to end up like me,” after Eddie kind of implies that Chris is acting a little Buck 1.0 was wild. Especially because “you didn’t even end up like you.” Didn’t technically refute anything. If we’re going off the idea that ABC is reintroducing these characters, they’re showing Buck as a reformed playboy— a guy’s go-to guy. Idk something weird there.

I LOVED that scene with Shannon. We all knew it was her letter so that wasn’t a surprise, but ugh I loved her appearing there. And Gavin did a great job with everything he had.

Go kart Buck🥰

Hated that hot tub call. It made me a little creeped out and I know everyone is loving Eddie talking that girl out of being nervous, and I do love that he’s open about his panic attacks, but I’m sorry, I just can’t see the scene as anything other than him talking to her until she literally gets unstuck from her boyfriend’s penis and ew. Love open Eddie, hated how uncomfy the sex jello scene was. Oliver’s face was gold though.

“Let’s talk about what else is dead on the ship because I think it may be our marriage” goes HARD. Gives me Bathena conversation from pre-Eddie being shot vibes.

Natalia and Buck’s breakup makes sense. I disagree with other people who are saying it seemed like a cover for something else. I think it really is just that in the months or less that they were dating, that it’s probably true that she was hung up on his death and death in general.

“Bobby picked a good day to go on his honeymoon” oh, so, they DID tell someone they were leaving and going on a cruise.

Are we just going to pretend the timeline of all this makes sense?

Madney my love, but Chim… With a wedding and a whole child, you think you’d ask if you can buy a hot tub.

#911 spoilers #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #911 s7 #madney #bathena

[canonicallyobserving911]

9-1-1 Season 6 - Constructive Criticisms #14

Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz

DISCLAIMER: THERE ARE THREE SEPARATE POSTS ABOUT BUCK, EDDIE, CHRIS AND BUDDIE.  The reason for this is because there was a lot of information to cover and the attempt to combine it into a single post, like those completed for the other main characters and ‘ships’, wasn’t feasible since one post for them and their family would’ve been too long.  Therefore, their posts are numbered as follows: Evan “Buck” Buckley - #13, Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz and Christopher “Chris” Diaz - #14 and “Buddie” -  #15.  Each of these posts are identically tagged because they include information that’s related to all of them.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Eddie Diaz is my favorite character!  FULL STOP!  I wouldn’t and won’t watch 9-1-1 if he’s not present (which is the reason why I’ll never do a rewatch of season 1😊.)

This is a LONG POST.

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Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz is a main character, he became part of the main cast in 2x1 and he’s been on the show ever since.  His legal name is Edmundo but he doesn’t allow anyone to call him by that name unless it’s his parents (they call him Edmundo and Eddie interchangeably) or someone who really doesn’t know him.  He also doesn’t like for anyone to call him “Diaz” but he does allow Bobby to call him that since he’s the captain and he let Lena call him that too in 3x4.  He has a son named Christopher, who’s also a main character.

Bobby recruited Eddie and when Eddie arrived at the 118, he had just graduated at the top of his LAFD Academy class and he had already completed two tours in Afghanistan where he was an Army medic.  While looking at him through the glass windows of the locker room, Chimney was the first person to say he was a beautiful man, Hen agreed and they WERE NOT WRONG since Eddie is indeed beautiful!  Then Bobby went on to explain all his accolades and accomplishments and he also said he liked to be called “8-pack”.

Eddie is not only beautiful, he’s also sexy, handsome and gorgeous but in addition to all of those attributes, he’s so much more than that.  He’s a GREAT AND FANTASTIC DAD all by himself and contrary to popular belief (Buck’s wacky memory during his coma dream in 6x11) Eddie was ALREADY A GREAT DAD BEFORE HE MOVED HIMSELF AND CHRISTOPHER TO L.A.  He works hard to make sure Chris has everything he needs and he’s sacrificed so much for him including his job in 5x10.

In season 6, Eddie was sidelined a lot the same way he was during seasons 4 and 5 but it doesn’t make sense because he’s a main character.  He only had four or five storylines for the entirety of the season and the majority of them happened in 6B when they forced the dating narrative on him via his aunt Pepa.  Only one of his storylines lasted for more than one episode and it was the one that had him dating again.  Prior to season 4, he had his OWN STORYLINES that didn’t revolve around another main character but after the shooting, everything that happened to Eddie was made to be about Buck and was told from Buck’s point of view.  Most of his screen time in 6B showed him out of character, had him doing things he’s never done before and the same is true for his blood relatives.  

By the end of 6x18, Eddie was almost unrecognizable with the way they had him acting and he ended up in a relationship that was a redux of the one he had in season 4.  In 6B, the show spent a lot of time proving he’s not alone from 6x10 through 6x13 but in 6x14, they had his aunt Pepa pressure him into admitting he doesn’t want to be alone.  There were a lot of unanswered questions for Eddie when the season ended and none of the things that happened from 6x14 through 6x18 made any narrative sense for his character.

My fourteenth set of “constructive criticisms” regarding the character Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz in season 6 are included below the cut.  Please note criticizing a TV show is NOT a bad thing especially since TV critics have been doing it for decades.  Constructive criticisms are designed to help make something better and they are VERY different from negativity.  A person can offer criticisms about a form of entertainment they spend their time watching and not be negative about it the same way two people can agree to disagree on a topic.  Just because one person liked the season, they shouldn’t expect others to feel the way they do because everyone has their own opinions.  Simply put, two people can have different opinions about 9-1-1 and those opinions can COEXIST since they are not mutually exclusive.

If reading criticisms about the TV show 9-1-1 upsets you, then don’t read below the cut.

                Warning! ⚠️“Constructive Criticisms” Ahead!⚠️  

Disclaimer:  This post is NOT about the actor RG who plays the character of Eddie.  RG is an excellent actor who has a lot of range and experience and he plays the character effortlessly.  The issues with Eddie and all the flaws included in season 6 as well as other seasons, are not reflective of RG as a person, so please don’t confuse the information included in this post with the actor.  These criticisms ARE NOT about the actor, they’re about the character (not a real person) and the way the show portrays him.

Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz

As mentioned above, Eddie is indeed a beautiful man but he’s so much more than that.  First and foremost, he’s an EXCELLENT DAD to his only son Chris.  He’s also competent, confident and very knowledgeable.  Aside from those attributes, one of his most important characteristics is often overlooked.  He has a HUGE HEART and he’ll do anything for anyone.  He’s given advice to his friends and family on several occasions and unlike some of Bobby’s advice (mainly the things Bobby’s told Buck and Eddie regarding relationships), Eddie’s advice is GOOD and it’s HELPFUL (related post linked here).  An example of this happened in 3x13 when he reminded Chimney “Tomorrow isn’t promised”.

Eddie was already skilled when he started working at the 118 and it was one of the reasons why Bobby recruited him.  He knew the reason why he was there and he remained focused on the tasks at hand.  It took less than a few hours for him to demonstrate that he was a valuable asset to the team and he was immediately accepted into the 118’s found family.  He was new to Los Angeles because he had recently relocated himself and his son, Christopher there from El Paso, TX after Eddie got a job with the LAFD.  Also, he had an established support system in his grandmother, Isabel Diaz and his aunt Josephina “Pepa” Diaz and they helped him take care of Christopher whenever he had to work if Chris was not in school.

When Eddie first started at the 118, no one knew he had a son because he didn’t tell them.  He was a private person and he kept his head down so he could do his job.  He remained focused and he wasn’t really big on sharing any personal information about himself.  Eddie has a complicated past; he was married but he didn’t tell anyone until 2x7 when he had to call her to interview at Chris’ school, his parents were SUPER CONTROLLING (his mother, Helena still is), he loves his grandmother, they have a great relationship and his aunt was always there to assist him with whatever he needed in season 2.

Prior to the end of season 4, Eddie had his own storylines and he’s always been viewed as a complicated character.  But something happened in seasons 4 through 6 because all of his storylines included Buck even though all of Buck’s storylines didn’t include Eddie.  He was sidelined for the majority of 6A and part of 6B too which was ridiculous.  All his scenes were cut short, chopped or shoved into the end of an episode (looking at 5x13 which included his mental breakdown in the last five minutes of the episode and 5x18 which showed his return to the 118 in the last one minute of the season).  Other than his PTSD storyline in season 5, he hasn’t had one that went on for more than one or two episodes since.

The storyline he had in season 5 SHOULD NOT HAVE AFFECTED THE AMOUNT OF SCREEN TIME HE RECEIVED IN SEASON 6.  HE’S A MAIN CHARACTER BUT INSTEAD OF GIVING HIM THE SCREEN TIME HE DESERVES, the show continuously shoved Buck into almost every episode for long periods of time.  Other than 6x3, Buck was not only involved in his own gazillion storylines; he was also shoved into other main characters’ storylines too and the recurring characters that were brought in for Buck's storylines were too.  But Eddie's barely received a full scene that wasn’t overshadowed by Buck’s involvement since season 3.

Eddie’s been a main character since his first episode in 2x1 but for some unknown reason, he’s been treated like a recurring character for the last few seasons and it doesn’t make any sense at all.  He’s constantly left in the background and he’s only given the attention he deserves when he’s being shown waiting for Buck to catch up and understand something.  It’s not fair because he’s a character all by himself and he has interests that go beyond whether he will or won’t end up in a relationship with Buck.

In the beginning, he was there to do his job and he wasn’t aware of Buck and how much he didn’t like him.  Based on Eddie’s reaction to Buck’s behavior, it seems like he really didn’t care.  Buck was the one who was all pissy and acted like a toddler while Eddie explained to him while they were in the firehouse’s gym, they did the same thing but he just did it while he was being shot at.

Eddie’s past

Eddie’s past is complicated and he was shouldered with a lot of responsibility at a very young age.  His father, Ramon was on the road for work and was rarely home but his mother, Helena was there and she was and still is very controlling.  He got his high school girlfriend pregnant then he married her and became an instant husband and father.  He enlisted in the Army and when his time was up, he reenlisted.  After he was wounded in action and honorably discharged, he returned to El Paso but nothing had changed.  Him and his wife, Shannon still argued all the time, they were never on the same page and she left him and Chris there while she traipsed off to Los Angeles to take care of her mother.  She left them with a note that stated she needed time too.

He worked three jobs to take care of Chris and even though his parents were helping him, he decided to relocate once he realized they didn’t have him or Christopher’s best interest at heart.  They wanted to control him and his mother told him to leave Chris with them instead of taking him to L.A. but Eddie didn’t want Chris to grow up like he did with his mother constantly limiting Chris and trying to control him.

Identity

In CANON, it’s never been explained why Eddie doesn’t usually let people address him by his legal name and his story has been told in parts.  He didn’t reveal he had a son until Buck asked him who he was trying to get a hold of in 2x2 and he didn’t mention he had a wife until 2x7 when he was at the Durand School with Carla.  His grandmother and his abuela were shown first in season 2 and his parents didn’t appear until 2x18 when they arrived for Shannon’s funeral.  They weren’t shown again until Eddie had flashbacks while he was trapped in the well in 3x15.

In 3x8, after Bobby was told about Eddie’s participation in the illegal fight club, Eddie admitted he needed to be in control during their conversation and while he was in therapy with Frank in 3x9, he admitted he doesn’t feel anything.  In one of his flashbacks in 3x15, he told Shannon he felt alone and it wasn’t until 5x1, after his first panic attack, that he was told by Dr. Salazar he might be repressing something.  In 5x13, he was extremely vulnerable, he reached his breaking point and he had a mental breakdown.  Prior to that he’d never let anyone see him cry (he cried a little while he was talking to Bobby in 3x8 but he didn’t cry like he did in 2x17, 3x15 [flashback to his time in the Army] 5x13 and 6x11).

Eddie’s a chameleon and he knows how to adjust to whatever situation he’s involved in but underneath his controlled bravado, he’s a genuinely nice guy who just wants to be in love.  He wants someone to not only love him but they have to love Christopher too.  He’s an awesome father who puts Chris' needs before his own because he doesn’t want him to grow up without him being there the way he had to grow up without Ramon being present.

After everything Eddie’s been through, the show dropped the ball when they regressed him in 6B.  All the work he did before he was forced into that raggedy and trifling dating storyline in 6x14 was dismantled and he became completely unrecognizable.  The show turned him into a giggly high school teenager who didn’t understand the things he wanted when he was 14 and 18 years old, like magic and chemistry no longer applied to him because he’s an adult now who’s either 34, 33, 32, 31 or 30 years old (more on his retconned age below).  He was no longer the confident, courageous, strong, stoic, Army vet because they completely obliterated his character by retconning his age, retconning his relationship with Shannon and by having him make the same mistakes he’s made in the past by going after a woman who would be someone who would be there for Chris instead of him choosing the BEST person for both him and Chris (BUCK!).

Decisions

People have told Eddie what to do his whole life and other than the decisions he made to remove Chris from that toxic environment with his mother, him moving them to L.A. and him changing his will, all his other decisions were based on someone else’s opinion, him being controlled and/or ordered around by someone else.  Ramon told him to be the man of the house when he was 10 years old, his mother told him what to do while his dad was away working, he enlisted in the Army where he received orders 24/7 and he got a job with the LAFD where he receives orders from his captain whenever he’s at work.

The two times he tried to make decisions for himself, he was told by Bobby to stay with Shannon in 2x17 because he would be a great dad of their second child (she wasn't pregnant) and Bobby also told him in 4x6 that he shouldn’t let an opportunity pass by which caused him to start dating Ana.  In 2x17, he tried to make it work with Shannon again even though he said he knew he shouldn’t have let her back into their lives during his conversation with Bobby in 3x8.  In 5x2, he was planning to stick it out with Ana instead of breaking up with her and he probably would have continued to do that if Buck hadn’t explained how it was going to end up hurting her.  Eddie was literally having panic attacks that were so visceral they made him pass out in a suit store all because someone mistook her to be his wife and Chris’ mom.  He was still trying to decide what he was going to say until 5x3 when he went home and that’s when he finally broke up with her and explained it was “the idea of them” that caused him to try to make it work.  Since Eddie misunderstands a lot of Bobby’s advice, he should stop seeking him out for answers and he should stop listening to him.  He should talk to someone who can help him with his love life because he’s not Bobby and other than the fact that both of them have deceased wives, they don't have the same life experiences.  Maybe Eddie should talk to one of his friends like Karen or Chimney the next time he has questions about who he should ask out on a date.

Therapy

Eddie worked hard to be better for himself when he went back to therapy in season 5, he took it seriously after his breakdown in 5x13 and he was happy at the beginning of season 6 but the show dismantled all the work he did on himself during 6B (related post linked here).  He was learning to be better but he wasn’t shown going to anymore sessions with Frank after 5x14.  Pepa pushing him to date was stressful for him and NO ONE LISTENS TO EDDIE when he tells them he’s not ready.  Bobby pushed him to date Ana in 4x6 even though he said he wasn’t ready and Pepa did the same thing in 6x14.  It’s clear something is holding him back but they won’t allow him to work through it on his own and that’s why he keeps ending up in these one-dimensional relationships with Ana and now her clone Marisol.

Since he still internalizes everything, in 6x11, it was clear he was struggling with death and how it attempted to take someone he loves away from him and Chris again but just like always, he wasn’t shown dealing with it or going to therapy about it.  He was wearing his therapy sweater in 6x15 but he wore it to Shannon’s grave with Chris so who knows if he even had a session earlier that day since it wasn’t shown in CANON.

He almost had a panic attack in 6x9 so it would have made sense for him to schedule a session to discuss what triggered it (the answer: Buck’s announcement about being the official creator of new life did it).  In 6x7, he talked with a random recurring character named Felisa about the Tsunami even though he didn’t mention Buck and Chris went through it together.  In fact, he didn’t mention Buck at all but he sure did mention Shannon even though he hadn’t said anything about her in years.

In 5x13, he told Frank, one of his old drill sergeants said, “Pain is just weakness leaving the body” which was clearly bad advice but Eddie hasn’t discussed the comment since that session but it was clear he experienced pain in 6A after Buck made his announcement, again in 6B after Buck died for three minutes and seventeen seconds and again in 6x15 when Buck said Natalia sees him which was a bunch of BS.

Missing

In 6x10, Eddie was missing during the scene that included the woman who had her baby after the car she was riding in got struck by lightning but he was CLEARLY SEEN AT THE FIREHOUSE with the rest of the 118 before they arrived on the call.  He was literally throwing a baseball with Hen while they stood in between the engine and the ladder truck, so what exactly was the show trying to illustrate with him not being on that one call?

Also, he was missing from the locker room in 6x13, when Hen and Chimney heard Buck calling all the women that he’d previously had sex with to see if he satisfied them.  Chimney wasn’t even on that call with the victim Patsy and her husband but Buck, Eddie and Hen were there.  Did the show think the audience wouldn’t notice that?  If they did, they were wrong.

Character assassination

One of the many things that upset a lot of viewers in 6B was the word used to describe Eddie in 6x11 during Buck’s coma dream.  Chimney said he was ANGRY but that’s so far from the truth that it’s utterly ridiculous.  It’s absurd how the show allowed that word to make it into the episode and it shouldn’t have been greenlit since Eddie’s NOT ANGRY (related post about stereotypes linked here).  Even though it was said in Buck’s coma dream, the whole episode was a jumbled mess that was too confusing to be figured out after just one viewing.  It had to be dissected to understand it in its totality, therefore viewers who haven’t watched seasons 2 through 5 wouldn’t know Eddie’s not like that.

He's so kind and humble and he’ll do anything for anyone.  He doesn’t like to show vulnerability but he’s not some ANGRY guy that’s rude to everyone.  He participated in an illegal fight club but his temporary partner introduced him to it and she wasn’t called ANGRY.  The only time Eddie was upset was in the grocery store in 3x5 when he and Buck were having a relationship argument about their kid since Buck wasn’t visiting Christopher so that’s just par for the course.  The truth is Buck was rude and angry towards Eddie and it happened on Eddie’s first day at the 118.  But in 6x11, in Buck’s twisted mind, he figured Chimney calling Eddie ANGRY was an accurate depiction of him, even though it wasn’t.  That one word completely ASSASSINATED his character in season 6, it’s still frustrating to think about it today and it’s been more than three months since the finale aired. WTF? This was BS and it needs to be rectified in season 7.

Lies

Eddie lied in 6x14 when he said, “I do not panic” when everyone who watched season 5 knows that he does panic (related post linked here).  He also lied to Chris in 6x17 when he told him he was going to run errands but in actuality, he went out to play golf and go hike so he could try to find a date.  This was completely unnecessary and should have been eliminated from the episode.

Why was Eddie blatantly lying about something everyone clearly saw him do?  As mentioned above, he became unrecognizable by the end of the season.

Single marital status

Another implication that assassinated Eddie’s character in season 6 was the fact that the show tried to make the audience believe Eddie’s going to die alone.  HE’S NOT and he wasn’t shown to be alone or that he even had feelings about it until 6x14 when Pepa wouldn’t stop pestering him about dating.  Then she pushed him to admit he didn’t want to end up alone.

The weird thing about the positioning of that episode was it happened AFTER EDDIE AND BUCK WENT ON A DATE TO PLAY POKER in 6x13.  So what exactly was the show trying to prove with that BS storyline?

It ended up being another disservice to Eddie when they could have just shown him thriving and enjoying his life as a single father.  But instead of doing that, they brought Carla back so she could tell him something that he was going to misunderstand again.  Once again, the show used Carla (6x8) and Bobby (6x14 and 6x17) so they could tell Eddie something about dating or his lack of it and they went even further when they included Pepa in the mix in 6x14 which was egregiously ridiculous since she was the one who noticed how much Eddie and Buck meant to each other in 2x4 after she met Buck for the first time at the hospital.  The truth is Eddie’s not lonely and he will not die alone.  But if he chooses to be alone, that should have been shown as a choice he made for himself and that it was ok to do it if that’s what he wanted.

When Eddie went on that date with Vanessa in 6x14, he said, “Full disclosure” but she interrupted him and wouldn’t allow him to finish.  What was he going to say?  Could it have been something other than him explaining he wasn’t over his dead wife?  Probably but the audience will never know.

Age discrepancy

EDDIE IS NOT THE SAME AGE AS BUCK!  From his introduction to the show in 2x1, he was shown to be older and more mature than Buck but his age along with Buck’s, Shannon’s and Denny’s were all retconned in season 6.  In 6x15, Shannon’s age was changed via the dates included on her gravestone and they retconned Eddie’s age in 6x16 when he said he and Shannon met when they were 14 in the 8th grade.  It’s nonsensical because Eddie and Shannon being two or three years older than Buck shouldn’t matter.  Prior to season 6, Eddie was ALWAYS SHOWN TO BE MORE MATURE THAN BUCK so they did his character a huge disservice when they retconned his age. 

His story has been all over the place, so no one really knows how old Eddie is but retconning his age WAS A MISTAKE because in 2x1 Chimney told Buck he wasn’t Eddie’s elder.  Since Eddie’s and Shannon’s ages were retconned, it’s possible Chris is not actually 12 years old anymore and his age may have been retconned to make him 10 years old again like Denny.

Eddie’s familial support system

They took EDDIE’S BLOOD RELATIVES and his PRE-ESTABLISHED support system away and didn’t tell the audience until 5x17.  Why did Isabel have to move back to El Paso when Pepa has a huge house that she lives in alone?  Isabel could have lived with her instead of Ramon but the show keeps removing people from Eddie’s life while they keep adding people to Buck’s.  It doesn’t make any sense because now Eddie has to depend on Buck and the 118 for almost everything but Buck doesn’t have to depend on Eddie the way the show has things setup.  This is UNFAIR and it doesn’t make any narrative sense unless they’re leading up to making them a CANON couple.

Pepa was written out of character in 6x14 and she seemed more like Helena since she was pushing Eddie to do something he clearly said he wasn’t ready to do.  What was the purpose of that?

Eddie’s parents

Eddie parents are interesting.  Helena’s done nothing but try to control Eddie and Chris while Ramon listened to everything she had to say.  In 5x17, after Eddie and Ramon reconciled, it appears their relationship has gotten better but Helena was still trying to control Eddie in 6x15 when he tried to explain they were busy and couldn’t visit them in Texas.  He told both of his parents in 5x17 that planes fly in both directions so what was up with them not visiting them in L.A.?  They could stay with Pepa when they visit.

Eventually, Eddie will have to deal with his mother and explain to her that she’s the reason why he had so many issues with control.  He doesn’t see it yet but hopefully one day he will.  She’s also said a lot of horrible things to him but season 6 retconned her and tried to make her likeable.  She didn’t deserve a redemption because she hasn’t earned one.

Eddie deserves for someone to care about him too

It’s unfair how every time something happens to Eddie, Buck’s the one who’s shown to have been affected by it but when something happens to Buck, they don’t allow Eddie to be there for him.  The show made Eddie being trapped in the well, the shooting, his mental breakdown, them being held hostage by Mitchell and Dom along with everything else that happened to him be about Buck instead of focusing on Eddie.  The audience didn’t get to see Eddie’s recovery after 4x14 but they shoved Taylor Kelly into Eddie’s house (instead of one or both of his sisters) at the end of 4x14 with everyone else and they shoved her into 5x11 too during the Buckley-Diaz Family dinner.

In 6x10, EDDIE WAS CATAPULTED OFF THE AERIAL but NO ONE, not Bobby, Hen or Chimney asked or checked to see if he was ok.  They didn’t even check on him after they made it to the hospital.  It seemed like par for the course since all the focus was on Buck even though they were both struck by the same bolt of lightning.  To add insult to Eddie’s injuries, they wouldn’t even let Buck check on him after he woke up from his coma dream.  They keep wedging all these random people into his storylines and they’re still doing it, hence, the reason why they wait for half the season to be over then they bring Carla Price back who’s Chris’ home healthcare aide.  But she shouldn’t be the one Eddie talks with because he does have friends.

Stop including Carla Price in Eddie’s storylines

WHY IS CARLA THE ONLY PERSON EDDIE’S ALLOWED TO TALK TO?  She’s Chris’ home healthcare aide but she’s always brought back to talk to Eddie when he should be allowed to talk to Isabel, Pepa or Ramon (since they reconciled in 5x17) or someone else other than her if they aren’t going to let him talk to Buck.  Everything she tells him confuses him even more and it’s always been like that.  In 2x7 when she said “A boy needs his mother” Eddie thought she was telling him to get back with Shannon but she wasn’t.  In 4x13 when she told him to follow his heart and not Chris’, he was confused then too.  In 5x10, Eddie should have had a conversation with someone else about whether he should leave the 118, like CHIMNEY, because Carla was not the person to help him.

He and Chimney are friends, they have been for years but they’re NEVER shown interacting outside of the firehouse.  It was clear in 6x5 when Eddie took Hoover the dog to Chimney’s apartment that he and Eddie hang out with each other.  In 6x8, Eddie should have had the conversation about Chris and his crush with Hen or Chimney not Carla.  Or here’s an idea, those scenes should have been SOLELY ABOUT EDDIE AND HIS SON CHRIS so they could have shared some father and son moments like they did in seasons 2 and 3.  Why is Carla being wedged in when she doesn’t have to be?  None of this makes any narrative sense.

Friendships

Everyone knows Eddie and Karen are friends and he’s friends with Chimney and Linda too but he’s never shown hanging out with them.  The question is why not?  He’s not afforded the same character development in that area like everyone else on the show is.  Hen and Athena are friends, so is Hen and Chimney.  Maddie and Josh are friends too but Bobby and Eddie are the only two who don’t have friends they can spend time with when they’re off work.  Eddie’s trip to the hardware store in 6x17 with Bobby doesn’t count because they have conversations like that all the time.

Eddie’s past relationships

Eddie wants someone who loves both him and Chris.  Shannon said she loved Chris but she left and didn’t contact their son for two years and if Eddie hadn’t called her to interview at Chris’ school, she probably wouldn’t have come back.  She suggested they get a divorce while he wanted to try again.  She told him he was a really great dad but she never commented on her own mothering skills.  However, she couldn’t wait to remind Eddie she’s Chris’ mother in 2x7 when she went to Eddie’s house and asked could she see Chris but when he said he didn’t want to confuse him, she said, “I’m his mom” well what did that have to do with the tea in China?  NOTHING because she left and didn’t try to contact them.  If she didn’t want Eddie, ok fine but she had a son who she didn’t check on.  Let’s be real, most mothers would have taken their child with them when they left but she didn’t.

They were never on the same page and all they did was ARGUE!  The audience shouldn’t have been convinced by that scene in 6x15 when they were sitting in front of her grave because Eddie knows the truth.  He read the letter she wrote to Chris but HE WILL NEVER TELL HIS SON THAT HIS MOTHER DIDN’T WANT TO STAY FOR HIM because he won’t hurt Chris like that.  Eddie carries the guilt of her not wanting to be a wife and a mother with him and hopefully he’ll be able to let it go in season 7 so he can focus on himself and stop it with this fictitious made-up fairytale about the way things were with her while they were in high school.

Eddie was 14 when they met and so was she and for anyone who believes those retconned ages the show pulled out in 6x15, they were 18 and fresh out of high school when she got pregnant so neither of them knew enough about love or anything else to have had some Romeo and Juliet type of love affair.  He was gone for 5 years while he was in the Army and she left for two years after he returned to the states.  If the amount of time they actually spent under the same roof is added up, it can’t be more than a few months.  He came back for Chris’ birth then he left again, he reenlisted which means he may have been in Texas for a month or two and when they reconciled in season 2, it was in October of that year and she died in May of 2019 but they weren’t living together in L.A., so the total amount of time they may have been under the same roof is 4 or 5 months.

That scene in 6x15 of Eddie and Chris sitting in front of Shannon’s grave was RIDICULOUS.  They had never done that before and it didn’t make any sense.  Eddie hadn’t mentioned Shannon since 5x10 and that was because Chris had a nightmare about her.  So, why did they bring her back to halo her like she didn’t leave Chris and not call him for two years?

Ana was in love with the “idea” of her and Eddie the same way he was but she wouldn’t admit it.  The proof happened in 5x1 when she cared more about dressing Eddie up like he was some type of Ken doll  before his first panic attack.  She avoided talking to him about it until he broke up with her.  She didn’t sit down to have a conversation with him like she should have but she sure did try to make it seem like he was the problem when she threw his panic attacks in his face.

At the end of 6x18, the way Eddie was acting was completely out of character for him.  Prior to that episode, he had never acted like a giggly school kid but that’s exactly how he acted in that episode when he was trying to ask Marisol out on a date.  Does the show really want the audience to believe King Petty Eddie Diaz who gave Taylor Kelly the stink eye several times in CANON doesn’t know how to ask a woman out on a date?  Also, he literally reproposed to Shannon in 2x17 before she suggested they get a divorce so the version of Eddie in 6x18 didn’t make any narrative sense.

So WTF was that BS and who’s raggedy idea was this?  Eddie’s nothing but confident, HELL he exudes it and he’s cool under pressure so how was the audience supposed to take that or interpret that scene of him dancing around like he got a date with a celebrity?

Is Eddie dating Marisol for Christopher or for himself?

In 6x17, Eddie WAS STILL LOOKING FOR SOMETHING/SOMEONE FOR CHRISTOPHER INSTEAD OF FOR HIMSELF (related post linked here).  When he saw Marisol at the hardware store, once again Bobby’s ‘raggedy advice’ was misconstrued and Eddie misunderstood what or who he should have been looking for.  He did the same thing after he saw Ana again in 4x6.  If they did date or if they will still be dating at the beginning of season 7, it shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone if Eddie has another panic attack followed by another scene of him saying “Chris loves you so much” the same way he told Shannon and Ana before he ends it.  Marisol’s name literally means LONELY or SOLITUDE.  Their relationship won’t work so it doesn’t make sense for them to be together especially since HE’S ALREADY FOUND THE PERFECT PERSON FOR CHRIS (BUCK) but he keeps looking past him.

Christopher “Chris” Diaz

Chris is a main character but he only had two storylines in season 6 and they weren’t all about him.  In 6x4, he skipped his Science Club meetings but that storyline was used to rope Buck’s ridiculous sperm donor storyline into it and it was also used to show Chris is growing up and he won’t be hanging out with Eddie as much anymore.  Therefore, it was about Eddie.  Also, his 6x8 storyline about the crush he had on a classmate was also made to be about Eddie.  The audience wasn’t shown Chris dealing with his crush on his own and actually, Carla was the one who suggested he might have a crush but Chris never said if he did.

Can Chris please get a storyline that doesn’t revolve around Buck and Eddie?  He’s 12 years old now which means he should have his own storylines just like all the other first responder kids had their own.  There are so many ways the show could handle it but for some reason they won’t.  They could let Chris have an honest conversation with Eddie about Shannon instead of making up that smores storyline in 6x15.  Chris was 5 years old when she left them in El Paso and they weren’t shown making smores together in season 2 before she died so who made up that story and why was it greenlit since it wasn’t true?

Since Eddie was sidelined for all 6A except for 6x7 and his storylines in 6B were more of the same from season 4, it would be nice if they actually gave him some storylines that were all about him and Chris.  Not that retconned storyline with Shannon or the ones where they constantly add Carla into the mix.  Both Eddie and Chris are treated like recurring characters even though they’re both mains and it needs to change before season 7.  They shouldn’t be sidelined only to be pulled back in for Buck’s storylines.  When is Buck going to be sidelined so he can be pulled into Eddie’s and Chris’ storylines?

Eddie and Chris both need and deserve more attention.  If 9-1-1 is turning into the Buck show with everyone else revolving around him and his love interests then, Eddie and Chris need their own show.  Can Eddie be HAPPY once and for all?  If they aren’t going to let him and Buck get together then let Eddie live his life happily ever after ALONE and let him get into some activities that mean something to him like baseball.  They moved his family away and have made him completely dependent on Buck and Carla which is RIDICULOUS.

Hopefully things will be different in season 7 for both Eddie and Chris.  Also, it would be good if they leave Marisol in season 6 where she initially appeared because no one wants to watch Eddie be in another relationship only for him to end up having panic attacks and trying to stick it out while avoiding what he wants for himself.  EDDIE AND CHRIS DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!

These are my criticisms regarding the character of Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz for season 6.

I have a total of 15 CANON “Constructive Criticisms” and as of Wednesday, August 30, 2023, they’ve all been posted.  The topics were posted in a specific order that begins with the overall issues for season 6 so they can be referenced within the posts about individual characters and ships that followed them.

#buddie #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #evan buckley #911 fox #911 on fox #911onfox #911 #911 on abc #911 abc #911 meta #9-1-1 Season 6 - CANON Constructive Criticisms #Canonically Observing 9-1-1 Speaks #911 season 6 #911 s6 #911 season 6 speculation #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family

[messyhairdiaz]

6.02 Coda

Sometimes you gotta I guess?

They make it an admirable ten minutes after the waiter brings the food.

“You’ve got a hundred yard stare going on,” Chimney says, breaking the silence. They hadn’t been quiet the entire time, they’d made small talk while waiting to order, and while waiting for their food, but it had been more stilted than conversation had ever been between them, both of their minds elsewhere.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie replies, pushing omelet around his plate. Breakfast had sounded like a great idea until he had to face the palpable absences of Buck and Hen.

“It’s fine,” Chimney says with a sigh, scooting his plate away. “You’re worried about Buck, I’m worried about Hen.”

“I’m also worried about Hen,” Eddie says, trying to deflect.

“And I’m also worried about Buck. But Hen’s my partner, and Buck’s yours. We’ll just make it easy and stay in our own lanes.”

Eddie cuts his omelet into even smaller bites he won’t eat. “He just took it really hard.”

“He always takes it hard,” Chimney shoots back, but not unkindly. Eddie nods.

“But this one he seemed to take even harder.”

Chimney steeples his fingers. “I don’t know if you could hear from where you were, but they talked. I didn’t hear a lot of it, and then I left to get that kid out from under it all. But you know Buck. His heart’s so big its got its own gravity.”

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes. “That’s what worries me.” They both go quiet. Contemplative. Eddie nudges Chimney’s foot under the table. “You wanna talk about Hen?”

Chimney blows out a breath and swallows the dregs of his mimosa before answering. “I’m worried she’s overextended herself. I seldom find myself thinking there’s something Henrietta Wilson can’t do, but I think you’d have to be superhuman to manage it all. I’m worried she’ll burn out, if she hasn’t already.”

“She is trying to juggle a lot of balls right now,” Eddie agrees. He knows well enough how busy being a parent and a firefighter keeps a person, and that’s without adding captain and med school on top of it.

“I’m worried about what will happen if she drops one,” Chimney confides, lost in his own hundred yard stare.

“Maybe you should go check on her,” he suggests.

Chimney shakes his head. “Not right now. I’m hoping right now she’s having a nice, long nap. She deserves it. I’ll swing by later with dinner.” He looks Eddie up and down. “You should get out of here though. Go see Buck.”

“You sure? I can stay—”

“And mutilate that omelet further? Nah, go check on him. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”

Eddie stands and pulls some cash out of his wallet, dropping it on the table. “Let me know if Hen’s doing alright later, ok?”

“Yeah, same for Buck.”

Eddie nods, and turns to leave, but stops when Chimney dramatically clears his throat.

“One more thing,” Chimney says, leaning his chair up on its back legs. “Just giving you fair warning. One of these days I’m gonna throw your advice back at you.”

Eddie’s lips curl into a smile. “Yeah? Maybe I’ll listen when you do.”

#911 spoilers #911 fic #my fic #idk I wrote this during the cleaning lady if it’s bad that’s ok #tumblr ficlets

[kobblefort]

Rushsly: Into the Depths 1

Sorry for no updates yesterday; I spent the entire day making food, watching longform YouTube videos, and working on some other artistic outlets. In the interest of maintaining my anonymity until at least the end of this project and possibly indefinitely after that, I won't be sharing them (well, I can't send home-cooked food over the internet anyway - yet! Get on that shit, techbros!) but you'll be relieved to know they turned out well. I'm only just now sitting down at the computer this evening after a day that mostly tanked due to me starting to feel under the weather, but I think I know the cure - and obviously, it's the single greatest simulation game of all time, Dwarf Fortress.

There's no better way to start off a session than crashing the game, so I decide to make a nice and agonizingly slow "quick"save and throw Rushsly into Stonesense, the isometric-3D fortress visualizer which is notoriously stable when used with the Steam release and mods. Well actually it was working fine before I tried to maximize the window, then it crashed. I could find some way to blame the program for that, but I've been reading "The Inner Game of Tennis" lately, and though I'm not very far into it, I get the gist that I probably shouldn't, but also I shouldn't blame myself either? When I say not very far, I mean literally 4 or 5 pages. Are you even allowed to say you're "reading" a book when you've barely made it past the foreword and preface? Fine. I'm browsing The Inner Game of Tennis, and I'll consider myself reading it in 20 or 30 pages. Anyway, the fort looks pretty unassuming from the top, besides that "chimney" which is not actually there, but I can't get anyone up there to destroy the "downward staircase" tile without creating another "downward staircase" tile, which I'd need to get someone up there to destroy on and on over and over forever for the rest of my life. It doesn't have an "upward staircase" tile below it so it's purely a cosmetic blemish. Clear glass tiles also look very funny in Stonesense.

The furnace floor, where I already had to alter the stockpile by a single tile so I could put down a floor tile to stop the growth of a young tower-cap. I fucking hate floor fungus!!

The catacombs really do look a bit shit from this angle sorry kobbles. The little magma pockets do look cool though.

The (secondary now, I guess?) production floor is such a fucking mess and I hate it but I'm never going to do anything about it.

The tavern and chief's chambers look pretty cool though! I like that the dogs get sprites but my kobbles are just the letter "k." I feel bad for the people in the bedroom below who have a clear glass ceiling. Imagine trying to sleep and a bunch of motherfuckers are dancing above you and you can not only hear but see it the whole time. What a life!

And the only other floor of any visual interest is the barracks+hospital+dungeon floor. I like that stonesense makes the wells into faucets. Kobbles got plumbing lol

It always hurts to give a miner a different job, since I like it when the mining gets done fast, but since he wasn't particularly great at it anyway: Zhag, the miner who did not give a single shit about breaching the caverns, has been transferred to the military right around the time that a couple years of constant training starts really paying off for On Speechlessmonstrous and Zomrca Lulledjackals. In fact, it's sparring with one another that brought on this "level-up."

Two girls, both keenly aware of their bodies and the way they move, pushing each other to greater and greater heights of martial prowess. I don't care who you are, that's yuri. And also they're drunk. But kobbles, like dwarves, are basically always drunk. There was a time when I'd be like "Same! That's so me, lol!!" but it's long been over. I don't actually miss alcohol, I just miss the way alcohol used to feel, the effect it used to have on me. For the last little while, whenever I finally gave in to the temptation to knock some shots back every 2 or 3 weeks I would just suddenly jump-cut straight to the next day, waking up with literally all my clothes on including my goddamn socks like a fucking bastard feeling absolutely miserable in every physical sense and terrified that I had fucking humiliated myself and made lifelong enemies in the 25 Discord conversations I didn't remember starting. Now if I try to drink at all my body just says "no, fuck you. Go to bed" and all I can bring myself to do is lay down and get five to seven hours of miserably low-quality sleep - while still lucid enough to take my socks off, thank fucking god. I can't complain, really. The time from my early 20s when drinking made everything beautiful and everyone into my friend has long been over. If I never wake up in a stranger's bed or literally drooping halfway off the couch of their back porch again it'll still be too soon. But it's fine for kobbles to drink I guess. They were literally programmed to do it

At only 136 steel bars, it feels a bit too early to be getting the kobbles into steel armor, but new weapons and shields should do them well - provided they're not all too attached to their current gear. The dream is, eventually, adamantine, but to tell the truth I've never actually gotten that far in a fort. They either died in a horrible violent tragedy or from the miserable slowness of FPS death far before we could chance upon any Hidden Fun Stuff. To be completely honest, despite making a few attempts as early as early as 2009, even installing it on the computers at my high school and getting away with playing it all through study hall because nothing that looks like that could possibly actually be a game, I really never figured the game out or had any real success. I just didn't have the patience to either learn to read the ASCII or manually check every tile every time I wanted to know what anything was. This was back when carp were serious threats and rhesus macaque invasions were commonplace - the Brazil era, as I've literally just now decided to dub it - but half the things I take for granted really weren't even in the game yet. Also, on those same high school computers I managed to install Cave Story, and I got all the way to Hell before getting hopelessly stuck, which is what happens to me basically every time I play Cave Story, though I did manage to beat Hell & Ballos just once as a kid. I like to joke that my soul is stuck in Cave Story Hell forever until I finally beat it one more time, but sometimes I get scared it's not a joke. One time my friends came over while they were tripping on acid, and I was stoned and playing PaRappa the Rapper, and they were watching with so much delight but then I got to the bathroom level and just couldn't fucking do it, failing attempt after attempt, and one of those same friends professed to me years later that he feels like part of his soul is still trapped in the PaRappa the Rapper bathroom level, instead of experiencing the catharsis of the big concert finale level. The other friend from that time is no longer my friend because he burned down his fucking house with a turtle and several dogs and cats inside. All the dogs and most of the cats escaped but the turtle did not and since then he has been in permanent rehab because every time he almost finishes up at a halfway house he decides "you know what, I should take mushrooms right now. I should get so high on cough medicine that I can't even pretend to function for 5 minutes. While I'm in this fucking halfway house that I could be free from if I just waited one or two more weeks to take these mushrooms or cough medicine." I mean I can't really begrudge him the drugs but, well, actually I think I can. I can begrudge anyone for anything if I want. He also had a pad on the floor where his dogs could shit instead of just taking them out, I mean that's not just on him that's on his whole family being fucked up. Basically just fuck that guy

We'll be breaching the first cavern layer in earnest soon. I'm not quite sure what I actually want to do down there - fungiwood and tower-cap don't actually interest me, considering how much wood we have on the surface, and farming has been going so well that we don't really need anything edible from down here, either. Maybe I just want to stir the pot. Maybe I just want conflict. You know there's a reason why people who play this game say "losing is fun" and it's beca

Oh Fuck Oh Shit No No No Oh Shit Get The Fuck Out Of There Everybody Get The Fuck Inside Right Now Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh My God Please No ... errr .......

Everyone has more than enough time to get inside safely, because... it's a fucking giant tortoise. In the time it takes for everyone who was topside to get safely into the base, the weretortoise has... not moved a single tile.

The moat bridge is retracted, marksmen are poised and (hopefully) ready to fire, but uhh... I don't want to say I overreacted, but I may in fact have overreacted.

Its kill record is not impressive, either. I'm more impressed by the names of some of these places it's been. "Grayhatchet" is actually pretty cool. "Questsloshed" that one sounds kind of horny... "Womansoak" That's what they call me when I walk up in the fucking club LOL !!!!!!!! Sorry. I'm going to be normal again.

The were-tortoise reverts back to a lobster (yes I have the mod that adds crustacean civilizations installed on this world) and skitters away off the map and far from my mind. Honestly, he might be more intimidating in this form. However strong the were-tortoise form might be, it's not exactly effective. Another thing I learned is that the statue "radar" does not actually tell you where or which statue was toppled, it literally just says that one was. If I wanted to put in a bunch of effort, I could set up a system where I have statues of one material put on the west, another material on the east, other materials north and south, maybe even go 8-directional with it, but I kind of don't care. The reason that people who play a lot of Dwarf Fortress say that "losing is fun" has two reasons. First of all, there is no real "winning" in Dwarf Fortress - you can become the new Mountainhome of your civilization, sure, but that's more of "the best game state you can attain" than a victory. It ultimately just comes with more challenges: an entourage of picky, problem-causing nobles and a king/queen/gender-unspecific-position-of-royalty/whatever else show up to make demands, and it's not like you export a certain amount of wealth and roll the credits or something. The second is that, since you cannot win, getting your fortress to be perfect, infallible, and autonomous only actually serves to make the game boring. Losing is not just a learning experience as far as the actual mechanical game goes, but an exciting event that changes the story and landscape of your world. After this fort inevitably goes down in flames I am going to keep playing in this world and Rushsly will be not just a memory in my mind but something that existed and changed the culture and history of The Land of Nails, the biggest continent in The Dimensions of Portent. (Kind of a lame name though. Why don't you portend to go fuck yourself, lol. Not you the reader, just a general unspecified "you".)

There's motherfucking gold in them there hills, tons of gems too. I'm prone to ignore stuff like silver and cassiterite because it's not that valuable and more important not that interesting to me, but I can absolutely be tempted by the glint of gold, and much like Sonic Adventure 2's breakout MILF Rouge the Bat I always love a good gem. If you don't think she's a milf you're looking at the wrong pictures - the wiki is wrong, the writers and designers of the games are wrong, she is a 43 yr old cougar. And me well I just want to be the pudgy twink 10+ years younger than her that she is just ever so slightly emotionally abusive towards, not in the traumatizing way just the sexy way. Like "the hurting your feelings but then you also get aroused from it and afterwards she's like yeah you know i didn't actually mean it" way.

Fucking kitchen full of fucking miasma

Just USE THE BARRELS YOU FUCKING BASTARDS

Like why do they do this

With nothing but perfect timing, a metalcrafter falls into a strange mood that makes him cry out for:

-metal bars (He's already taken a platinum one)

-logs (We have plenty all over the fucking place but he won't grab any)

-silk cloth (We have 100s of these too, he won't take any)

-bones (which means we have to slaughter an animal in the same disgusting butcher room with the miasma and all the meat already just sitting on the floor.)

Zylr has made an enemy out of me but I am honor-bound to help his bitch ass create a masterpiece so fuck it.

He takes the bones and... just keeps bitching. I don't know. Does he just want more bones? Because I'm not going to be heartbroken over killing another horse. Fuck it. I'll gladly kill another horse. I hate horses and want them to not exist.

And yes, he did literally just want more bones.

And downstairs, they finally started putting things in barrels. Not before letting our food & meat stocks drop by literally hundreds of items, but I guess a win is a win. kind of. Not really a complete win yet either there's still very much some shit on the floor. Fuck it I'll just make them throw it out too. What were you really going to do with horse nervous tissue, like be honest. As usual I had to run cleanowned in dfhack like 5 times to make the kobbles actually start taking out the garbage but they did it. (I know the military backpack glitch but I don't understand how meals got claimed as owned without even making it out of the kitchen (I don't feel like explaining the military backpack glitch right now but I can later if someone asks me to (We're kind of losing the fucking plot here though (and suddenly I care about that))))

Zylr had the good sense to offer this to me instead of keeping it as a personal treasure, and I mean, 20k value ain't bad. Most interestingly is the chain either has an image of itself on it, or is making a reference to another platinum chain that exists somewhere. It would be really funny to just put it in the dungeon and tie criminals to it, but it feels weirdly appropriate to put it in one of the churches, so I'm going to do that instead.

AMBUSH TIME!!!!

The fucking pricks are going after our bird towers. It's so personal now.

Their necromancer doesn't even make it past the first row of traps.

A boar that their necromancer resurrected literally kicks one of them to death. I don't think these guys are very good at this.

With their... leader(??) and three of their most fearless caged, and one of their least lucky shredded into fucking bits, the stragglers just awkwardly wander off the map to go hide. They didn't even make it past the third row of traps on the very first level.

They also did not even make a dent in our bird numbers, despite them being the only targets they were able to even take shots at. Though this does serve to prove we need to reinforce the Bird Towers to prevent unnecessary loss of bird life, that's literally all it proved. They will one day be back with more, they may come back with the idea of maybe not walking straight into the trap hallway, but for now they are idiots who barely managed to kill a single goose.

Unfortunately, speaking of idiots, our marksbold squad was deployed up to the fortifications above the trade depot, and despite getting a clear shot on one of them, fucking did nothing because the ones with bows keep picking up bolts and the ones with crossbows keep picking up arrows. Since different types of ammo is a mod thing, there's no actual option to force them to use one or the other, I guess our best bet is to just dispose of all the bows and arrows and force everyone to use only crossbows. I don't feel like doing that right now though and I've also hit the 30 image limit again so you'll just have to find out whether that even works or not on the next exciting episode of Rushsly. I probably should have ended it on a cliffhanger but I think it's funnier if the thing you have to look forward to is just me cleaning out some traps, figuring out to do with some prisoners, and trying to fix a military logistics problem. This ain't that new-fangled Witch from Saturn Ion gundam show this is the classic 1979 gundam. WHO WILL SURVIVE?

#dwarf fortress #kobblefort

[stagefoureddiediaz]

@fire-fog Thank you for a great couple of questions in your tags on my meta.

I  have indeed been writing costume analysis for a while - I started doing one for each 911 episode in season 5, but I’d written more general and overarching ones before that. I’ve also written for previous fandoms before as well. All the 911 costume metas are linked in my pinned post at the top of my blog. its something I love to do and something I enjoy sharing - I hope others get pleasure from it to and that it maybe helps people derive deeper meaning from the show. The teams working behind the scenes - set, props, wardrobe, hair and make up etc all work incredibly hard - they are the unsung heroes of film and tv and I hope my metas bring a little bit of attention and love to the work they do because so much of it goes unseen and unrecognised!

Its incredibly hard to predict based on some bts pictures or the show stills, however I’ve been correct a few times - the biggest and most obvious one was actually the prediction I made on Bucks outfit from this episode - the green jumper and yellow ochre trousers - when we got the bts videos of Oliver in that costume, I said that it would be for some sort of AU, that it was preppy and teacher like and that it was important for Bucks journey. I’ve been proven correct on all fronts on that one! I also spoke about Eddie wearing black singlets when we got the bts of Eddie in a black singlet for Animal Instincts and how it represented moments when Eddie was vulnerable - again the original post is linked on my pinned one - and I was proven correct when we got to see the scene play out. 

I’m pretty good at spotting themes and patterns that the wardrobe team are using to help tell the bigger story and to connect arcs etc - its something that adds an additional layer to parallels that the show makes use of, or it helps build specific characteristics for a character - Buck wearing a lot of blue this season especially is a part of that, as is the use of military colour ways on Eddie (and Athena), it emphasises traits or meanings and changing the tones or the brightness/darkeness of a colour can indicate things for that character!

As for the blocky use of colour - yes you’re very right about its use in coma land - its very much about the world being a creation of Bucks mind - the details that make the real world so rich aren’t there - unless its important narratively. We saw the same thing with all the physical spaces - they lacked detail - Chimneys apartment being very basic and lacking personality etc is the most obvious example of it, but even Bucks loft had very little by way of art and things beyond things important to the story - things that are hints at the real world, or the basic things of what Buck imagines are the things a teacher would have in their house! Its not necessarily about being childish or child like - but I know why you used that term - it is about simplicity - because his brain has conjured this entire world so the finer details are missing - its an impression rather than a lived in universe.

I hope this answers your questions and feel free to pop into my inbox if you have any others!! 💜💜💜

#kym answers things #fire-fog asks in the tags #costume meta asks #911 on fox

[smoretirades]

Thought about the later seasons of 9-1-1

So I, like I think many, have been feeling underwhelmed by the latest seasons of 9-1-1,

And I know there is alot of they aren't doing buddie focus, but I've never ever been bothered before about this, however I think the thing bothering people about that relationship is the same thing that is bothering me about the whole show...nobody talks anymore.

This show isn't a plot driven genre show, there basically isn't a plot, the whole point is the characters; their reactions to the crazy calls and most importantly their relationships with themselves and each other.

Well cool but now 9-1-1 doesn't put in the effort to have any of this, they are just off screen implying or really trying to get the actors to convey everything in a look.

So how does everyone feel about Buck's donor decision? How does Maddie feel? Jeeze, how does Buck? They didn't gossip about this when he wasn't around in the firehouse at all???

What did they (like literally any of them) think of Taylor when she was with Buck? Did they support that relationship or did they think it was a bad match?

How does Athena feel, she wrapped the case that made her a cop and it was literally someone she knew, who killed multiple other people - is that affecting her drive as a cop now? Is she feeling like this closed out a chapter of her live, does it make her re-evaluate anything?

How does Bobby feel about Wendell dying - sure he wants to action it and get him justice, but like no conversation about how much Wendell meant to him, how much he helped Bobby and maybe others - no wonder I don't care about this plot line.

How do Chim/Hen feel about being tortured by a coworker? Are they more mistrusting of new people?

Speaking of new people - way back when they were introducing Lucy - what did everyone think of Lucy? What did Hen and Chimney think of her professionally? Did they also miss Eddie?

Even our main characters - Eddie and Hen got put together last season and we got scenes with them but they didn't talk to each other, not about their lives

Even the calls - when was the last time they had an emotional reaction to one of the calls, the last time the cried or felt amused by a caller - or took it back and gossiped about it- now the callers come and go and I have no memory of them later and the characters don't have any reaction to them beyond that call

Anyone I think this is what is missing from the last two seasons and why I'm feeling a bit sad about my comfort show.

I'm really hoping they start having more conversations, like the conversation between Chim and Hen in the ambulance about his father was great! I hope that continues in that plotline and I hope they bring back the gossip!

#911 #negative

[reginarubie]

Jaime-Brienne bath scene in ASOS is somewhat similar to Tyrion-Sansa wedding night. Both Lannisters are making young maiden uncomfortable with their presence. Both Sansa and Brienne tried to cover themselves. Both Lannisters discard the girls feelings and tried to dump their trauma and past on her. Both get boner seeing the girls naked body. Also later Brienne gets to know about Sansa-Tyrion marriage and was horrified while Jaime thinking Tyrion is lucky.

Ciao anon!, sorry for the delay!

Yeah they are similar and it's terrible because we usually see Brienne as this unflinching character, but it comes from the fact that she is so used to being pranked, to being mocked and made fun of that she has a shield against it, but in that bath scene... she is vulnerable in the exact same way as Sansa is; it that scene, I feel, we really see how young, how vulnerable and fragile she actually is, which makes her character even more compelling.

And you are right, Jaime just as Tyrion with Sansa, disregard and discards Brienne's feelings — he even taunts her and her sensibilities — and does bump his trauma down on her as if it's her duty to listen to him, to understand him and give him the redemption and understanding he is searching for. And I am not saying Jaime was not hurting himself, he had just lost his right hand — he was that right hand — and he had years of trauma that he had kept pushing down until the moment he lost his hand now resurfacing and demanding they are being tended to, still, it's not Brienne's duty to relieve him of his guilt and his traumas.

And it would have been somewhat better if it had been a shared experience, if Jaime shared Brienne's burden and the other way around; but that's not what happens. Jaime just adds to Brienne's trauma and vulnerabilities his own trauma and vulnerabilities, he seeks comfort but does not give comfort back.

Let's analyse that scene, shall we?

Jaime is shown inside the bathes of Harrenhal by a servant and finds Brienne already there being tended to by a maid, he has the servant help him out of his clothes and sends away both him and the maid even though he can see that Brienne is uncomfortable with his presence.

He mocks and taunts her, then he slips in her very same bath even after she tells him there are plenty of other baths, and then starts to dump all of his traumas on Brienne all the while mocking her and sexualising her. Let's see:

Harrenhal’s bathhouse was a dim, steamy, low-ceilinged room filled with great stone tubs. When they led Jaime in, they found Brienne seated in one of them, scrubbing her arm almost angrily.

“Not so hard, wench,” he called. “You’ll scrub the skin off.” She dropped her brush and covered her teats with hands as big as Gregor Clegane's. The pointy little buds she was so intent on hiding would have looked more natural on some ten-year-old than they did on her thick muscular chest.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded.

Hardly a warm welcome for Jaime, Brienne is uncomfortable and thus she lashes out, wanting to know why he is there and what he thinks he's doing there why she is bathing as well. She has a sense of property. But what Jaime does is— guess what? — mock her and sexualise her in the mean time, looking at her bosom and even critiquing it.

“Lord Bolton insists I sup with him, but he neglected to invite my fleas.” Jaime tugged at his guard with his left hand. “Help me out of these stinking rags.” One-handed, he could not so much as unlace his breeches. The man obeyed grudgingly, but he obeyed. “Now leave us,” Jaime said when his clothes lay in a pile on the wet stone floor. “My lady of Tarth doesn’t want the likes of you scum gaping at her teats.” He pointed his stump at the hatchet-faced woman attending Brienne. “You too. Wait without. There’s only the one door, and the wench is too big to try and shinny up a chimney.”

The habit of obedience went deep. The woman followed his guard out, leaving the bathhouse to the two of them. The tubs were large enough to hold six or seven, after the fashion of the Free Cities, so Jaime climbed in with the wench, awkward and slow. Both his eyes were open, though the right remained somewhat swollen, despite Qyburn’s leeches. Jaime felt a hundred and nine years old, which was a deal better than he had been feeling when he came to Harrenhal.

Brienne shrunk away from him. “There are other tubs.”

“This one suits me well enough.” Gingerly, he immersed himself up to the chin in the steaming water “Have no fear, wench. Your thighs are purple and green, and I’m not interested in what you’ve got between them.” He had to rest his right arm on the rim, since Qyburn had warned him to keep the linen dry. He could feel the tension drain from his legs, but his head spun. “If I faint, pull me out. No Lannister has ever drowned in his bath and I don’t mean to be the first.”

So, this far we have, Jaime imposing on Brienne even when he notices that she is uncomfortable with his presence, even when he can see that she is shrinking away from him and also sends away other people, thus isolating Brienne with him. Virtually Jaime could do to her whatever he wanted and no one would intervene because he sent everyone away, thus letting the duty to look over him fall on Brienne, even in this peculiar situation. All the while he keeps mocking Brienne, her sense of property and modesty — “my lady of Tarth doesn't want the likes of you scum gaping at her teats.” — she doesn't want you to either if her behaviour is of any indication — as well as her physique — “there is only one door and the wench is too big to try and shinny up to chimney” — and then he imposes even worse to Brienne by using the very same tub she is using, and using the fact that they are alone as reason to do so, because he has no intention of drowning — I mean keep the servant and the maid around, they help you not drown and you and Brienne can have a bath in peace each in a different tub, better yet if you awaited that she was done and out to bathe, but we can be less dickish can't we? apparently Jaime can't. — and Brienne has the right of it because immediately after that she replies:

“Why should I care how you die?”

Exactly, point is, Jaime is a little shit, and he takes no time in continuing his mockery of Brienne, her sensibilities, morals and modesty. All the while perfectly aware of her discomfort but caring only about his own trauma, which again, I don't argue that it exist, neither that it shouldn't be addressed. I argue the method, the person and the way it was addressed.

“You swore a solemn vow.” He smiled as a red flush crept up the thick white column of her neck. She turned her back to him. “Still the shy maiden? What is it that you think I haven’t seen?” He groped for the brush she had dropped, caught it with his fingers, and began to scrub himself desultorily. Even that was difficult, awkward. My left hand is good for nothing .

Still, the water darkened as the caked dirt dissolved off his skin. The wench kept her back to him, the muscles in her great shoulders hunched and hard.

See?, he does notice she is uncomfortable, he does notice that he has put her in a though situation and decides to mock her for it, to belittle her and her modesty, of debasing her and her body and her morals. He even comes as far as mocking her for Renly's death and he is perfectly aware that, that is like hitting on a naked nerve. All the while caring almost single-mindedly only about the fact that he has lost his hand, which, again, understandable, but not the right way to address that issue.

“Does the sight of my stump distress you so?” Jaime asked. “You ought to be pleased. I’ve lost the hand I killed the king with. The hand that flung the Stark boy from that tower. The hand I’d slide between my sister’s thighs to make her wet.” He thrust his stump at her face. “No wonder Renly died, with you guarding him.”

He thinks only of himself, of his loss and he sees that loss as worse of the loss of privacy he is forcing on Brienne, and the violation of every boundary Brienne has tried to set with him. And this does hurt Brienne worse than all the rest of his mockery, because she willingly leaves the cover of the water, exposing the body she had been so shy about until a moment ago, just to leave his presence. And this is how Jaime knows he has gone too far. And he does apologise for it, and asks even a truce. It's like the naughty kid who does something he knows he should not have done, because he knows he will hurt others and then just apologises and thinks that everything will be fine and dandy because he apologised. Brienne understandably doesn't trust him.

She jerked to her feet as if he’d struck her, sending a wash of hot water across the tub. Jaime caught a glimpse of the thick blonde bush at the juncture of her thighs as she climbed out. She was much hairier than his sister. Absurdly, he felt his cock stir beneath the bathwater.Now I know I have been too long away from Cersei . He averted his eyes, troubled by his body’s response. “That was unworthy,” he mumbled. “I’m a maimed man, and bitter. Forgive me, wench. You protected me as well as any man could have, and better than most.”

She wrapped her nakedness in a towel. “Do you mock me?”

That pricked him back to anger. “Are you as thick as a castle wall? That was an apology. I am tired of fighting with you. What say we make a truce?”

“Truces are built on trust. Would you have me trust—”

So, yeah, he apologises but in doing so he keeps mocking her and when Brienne accuses him of doing exactly that — the very same mocking he has engaged in since he has entered the bath and before besides — he has the audacity of being angered at her accusation and thus insults her more, and then he says that he is tired of fighting — he who has been the taunter and the instigator of their fights —the moment she pushes back he is tired of fighting and wants a truce. Again, completely engrossed in his own egoistical sphere. Not to mention he continuing to sexualise Brienne, up until the moment she covers herself up.

And now, he does tell her the truth of how he became a kings layer, but he doesn't do it to show her he trusts her, like the show would have us believe; he does it simply because she's there and she's been more accommodating and defiant than he is used to, she probably reminds he of himself when he had been a young knight and believed in oaths and knighthood. That's what spurns him to tell her the truth, not his trust in her — though that has been building — it's again, because of him he has seen her and the way she defends her knightly duties and virtues even without being formally a knight, if anyone can understand him — give him the understanding he feels he needs — it's her.

So he tells her, he tells her and in recounting his story he puts particular emphasis on him upholding his values and duties to the innocents and defenceless against the merciless king who'd have them all burned to the ground. Oh, he doesn't use those words, but the point is exactly that, he uses words that he knows will touch her. That will make her understand him. Because that's what he cares about in that moment.

“The Kingslayer, yes. The oathbreaker who murdered poor sad Aerys Targaryen.” Jaime snorted. “It’s not Aerys I rue, it’s Robert. ‘I hear they’ve named you Kingslayer’ he said to me at his coronation feast. ‘Just don’t think to make it a habit.’ And he laughed. Why is it that no one names Robert oathbreaker? He tore the realm apart, yet I am the one with shit for honor.”

“Robert did all he did for love.” Water ran down Brienne’s legs and pooled beneath her feet.

“Robert did all he did for pride, a cunt, and a pretty face.” He made a fist . . . or would have, if he’d had a hand. Pain lanced up his arm, cruel as laughter.

“He rode to save the realm,” she insisted.

To save the realm. “Did you know that my brother set the Blackwater Rush afire? Wildfire will burn on water. Aerys would have bathed in it if he’d dared. The Targaryens were all mad for fire.” Jaime felt lightheaded. It is the heat in here, the poison in my blood, the last of my fever. I am not myself . He eased himself down until the water reached his chin. “Soiled my white cloak . . . I wore my gold armor that day, but . . . ”

“Gold armor?” Her voice sounded far off, faint.

He floated in heat, in memory. “After dancing griffins lost the Battle of the Bells, Aerys exiled him.” Why am I telling this absurd ugly child? “He had finally realized that Robert was no mere outlaw lord to be crushed at whim, but the greatest threat House Targaryen had faced since Daemon Blackfyre. The king reminded Lewyn Martell gracelessly that he held Elia and sent him to take command of the ten thousand Dornishmen coming up the kingsroad. Jon Darry and Barristan Selmy rode to Stoney Sept to rally what they could of griffins’ men, and Prince Rhaegar returned from the south and persuaded his father to swallow his pride and summon my father. But no raven returned from Casterly Rock, and that made the king even more afraid. He saw traitors everywhere, and Varys was always there to point out any he might have missed. So His Grace commanded his alchemists to place caches of wildfire all over King’s Landing. Beneath Baelor’s Sept and the hovels of Flea Bottom, under stables and storehouses, at all seven gates, even in the cellars of the Red Keep itself.”

“Everything was done in the utmost secrecy by a handful of master pyromancers. They did not even trust their own acolytes to help. The queen’s eyes had been closed for years, and Rhaegar was busy marshaling an army. But Aerys’s new mace-and-dagger Hand was not utterly stupid, and with Rossart, Belis, and Garigus coming and going night and day, he became suspicious. Chelsted, that was his name, Lord Chelsted.” It had come back to him suddenly, with the telling. “I’d thought the man craven, but the day he confronted Aerys he found some courage somewhere. He did all he could to dissuade him. He reasoned, he jested, he threatened, and finally he begged. When that failed he took off his chain of office and flung it down on the floor. Aerys burnt him alive for that, and hung his chain about the neck of Rossart, his favorite pyromancer. The man who had cooked Lord Rickard Stark in his own armor. And all the time, I stood by the foot of the Iron Throne in my white plate, still as a corpse, guarding my liege and all his sweet secrets.”

“My Sworn Brothers were all away, you see, but Aerys liked to keep me close. I was my father’s son, so he did not trust me. He wanted me where Varys could watch me, day and night. So I heard it all.” He remembered how Rossart’s eyes would shine when he unrolled his maps to show where the substance must be placed. Garigus and Belis were the same. “Rhaegar met Robert on the Trident, and you know what happened there. When the word reached court, Aerys packed the queen off to Dragonstone with Prince Viserys. Princess Elia would have gone as well, but he forbade it. Somehow he had gotten it in his head that Prince Lewyn must have betrayed Rhaegar on the Trident, but he thought he could keep Dorne loyal so long as he kept Elia and Aegon by his side. The traitors want my city , I heard him tell Rossart, but I’ll give them naught but ashes. Let Robert be king over charred bones and cooked meat . The Targaryens never bury their dead, they burn them. Aerys meant to have the greatest funeral pyre of them all. Though if truth be told, I do not believe he truly expected to die. Like Aerion Brightfire before him, Aerys thought the fire would transform him . . . that he would rise again, reborn as a dragon, and turn all his enemies to ash.

“Ned Stark was racing south with Robert’s van, but my father’s forces reached the city first. Pycelle convinced the king that his Warden of the West had come to defend him, so he opened the gates. The one time he should have heeded Varys, and he ignored him. My father had held back from the war, brooding on all the wrongs Aerys had done him and determined that House Lannister should be on the winning side. The Trident decided him.”

“It fell to me to hold the Red Keep, but I knew we were lost. I sent to Aerys asking his leave to make terms. My man came back with a royal command. ‘Bring me your father’s head, if you are no traitor.’ Aerys would have no yielding. Lord Rossart was with him, my messenger said. I knew what that meant.”

“When I came on Rossart, he was dressed as a common man-at-arms, hurrying to a postern gate. I slew him first. Then I slew Aerys, before he could find someone else to carry his message to the pyromancers. Days later, I hunted down the others and slew them as well. Belis offered me gold, and Garigus wept for mercy. Well, a sword’s more merciful than fire, but I don’t think Garigus much appreciated the kindness I showed him.”

The water had grown cool. When Jaime opened his eyes, he found himself staring at the stump of his sword hand.The hand that made me Kingslayer . The goat had robbed him of his glory and his shame, both at once.Leaving what? Who am I now?

The wench looked ridiculous, clutching her towel to her meager teats with her thick white legs sticking out beneath. “Has my tale turned you speechless? Come, curse me or kiss me or call me a liar. Something .”

“If this is true, how is it no one knows?”

“The knights of the Kingsguard are sworn to keep the king’s secrets. Would you have me break my oath?” Jaime laughed. “Do you think the noble Lord of Winterfell wanted to hear my feeble explanations?”

“Such an honorable man. He only had to look at me to judge me guilty.” Jaime lurched to his feet, the water running cold down his chest. “By what right does the wolf judge the lion?By what right? ” A violent shiver took him, and he smashed his stump against the rim of the tub as he tried to climb out.

Pain shuddered through him . . . and suddenly the bathhouse was spinning. Brienne caught him before he could fall. Her arm was all gooseflesh, clammy and chilled, but she was strong, and gentler than he would have thought.Gentler than Cersei, he thought as she helped him from the tub, his legs wobbly as a limp cock. “Guards!” he heard the wench shout. “The Kingslayer!”

Jaime, he thought, my name is Jaime. — Jaime V, ASOS

Now, I don't argue that Jaime did the right thing by neutralising Aerys and the pyromancer, I don't argue that they were wrong in giving him that monicker and he in never telling the truth, thus completely piling up his stress and anger and trauma, bottling it up until he exploded... but it should not have fallen on Brienne to shoulder it for him; again if it had been somewhat reciprocated — Brienne shared Jaime's trauma and the other way around — it would've been different...but Jaime is only thinking about himself and keeps adding to Brienne's own. And it is indicative that this scene ends with Jaime thinking that ‘my name is Jaime’, because this all has been exclusively about him. All the while sexualising her, mocking her and her morals and... he's being really shitty. And yeah it's somewhat understandable that Jaime right now is focused on himself because of all of his traumas still Brienne has no fault of that. She's just entrusted, despite her own vulnerabilities, all the baggage of Jaime without a thank you and please.

And yes, their reactions to Tyrion and Sansa's marriage are diametrically different. And that is because Brienne is a maid, a young woman who had her dreams of romance battered out of her at the sounds of mockery, and Jaime is a man who has made of mockery and violence and lust his whole life. As Jaime didn't care about Brienne discomfort, he doesn't even consider Sansa' own discomfort with such a match, he thinks only of the fact that Sansa is pretty and sweet and thus should be able to put a smile on his brother's face for the time she manages.

"Provided Lady Catelyn's daughters are delivered safe and whole as well," said the wench. "My lord, your man Walton's protection is welcome, but the girls are my charge."

The Lord of the Dreadfort gave her an uninterested glance. "The girls need not concern you any further, my lady. The Lady Sansa is the dwarf's wife, only the gods can part them now."

"His wife?" Brienne said, appalled. "The Imp? But . . . he swore, before the whole court, in sight of gods and men..." She is such an innocent. Jaime was almost as surprised, if truth be told, but he hid it better. Sansa Stark, that ought to put a smile on Tyrion's face. He remembered how happy his brother had been with his little crofter's daughter . . . for a fortnight. "What the Imp did or did nor swear scarcely matters now," said Lord Bolton. "Least of all to you." The wench looked almost wounded. — Jaime V, ASOS

And, in the same way as Jaime cared nothing for Brienne discomfort during their bath scene, Tyrion cared very little about Sansa's discomfort during their wedding night.

“How old are you, Sansa?” asked Tyrion, after a moment.

“Thirteen,” she said, “when the moon turns.”

“Gods have mercy.” The dwarf took another swallow of wine. “Well, talk won’t make you older. Shall we get on with this, my lady? If it please you?”

“It will please me to please my lord husband.”

That seemed to anger him. “You hide behind courtesy as if it were a castle wall.”

Do I need to point out this? — I feel like I do, both Lannister brothers are angered and wounded — the audacity of them — by the coping mechanism the young girls they are with use to defend themselves. Brienne calls Jaime out about his mockery and Sansa uses her flat, cold courtesy with Tyrion.

“Courtesy is a lady’s armor,” Sansa said. Her septa had always told her that.

“I am your husband. You can take off your armor now.”

Now, this would have been sweet, and it would have made for a good trust-building starters, if he had replied correctly to the next question.

“And my clothing?”

“That too.” He waved his wine cup at her. “My lord father has commanded me to consummate this marriage.”

He can see Sansa is unsure, he knows she is still using her armor, he tries to convince her to take it off, but in doing so he also gives her reason to keep it on. He said he wanted to speak, and yet he wants her naked.

Her hands trembled as she began fumbling at her clothes. She had ten thumbs instead of fingers, and all of them were broken. Yet somehow she managed the laces and buttons, and her cloak and gown and girdle and undersilk slid to the floor, until finally she was stepping out of her smallclothes. Gooseprickles covered her arms and legs. She kept her eyes on the floor, too shy to look at him, but when she was done she glanced up and found him staring. There was hunger in his green eye, it seemed to her, and fury in the black. Sansa did not know which scared her more.

I feel like what makes this parallel almost go unseen is the fact that the bath scene is told from Jaime's POV, the man's POV, so it has a mocking tone to everything Brienne-related; instead this wedding night is told by Sansa's POV, so we see and understand all of those vulnerabilities up close.

“You’re a child,” he said.

Good of you to notice that.

She covered her breasts with her hands. “I’ve flowered.”

“A child,” he repeated, “but I want you. Does that frighten you, Sansa?”

“Yes.”

“Me as well. I know I am ugly—”

“No, my—”

First of all, ew. Second of all, ew. Third of all, eeeew. He can see she is uncomfortable, he has made her uncomfortable, he knows he has frightens her, yet he is focused on himself. On the fact that he feel lesser than what Sansa might have dreamed. He is seeking validation from Sansa, uncaring of her own trauma and discomfort.

He pushed himself to his feet. “Don’t lie, Sansa. I am malformed, scarred, and small, but . . . ” she could see him groping “ . . . abed, when the candles are blown out, I am made no worse than other men. In the dark, I am the Knight of Flowers.” He took a draught of wine. “I am generous. Loyal to those who are loyal to me. I’ve proven I’m no craven. And I am cleverer than most, surely wits count for something. I can even be kind. Kindness is not a habit with us Lannisters, I fear, but I know I have some somewhere. I could be . . . I could be good to you.”

Can I say... EEEEW, he is focusing on himself and trying to buy her affection instead of gaining it. On this, at least Jaime is better — he does mock Brienne — for he offers trust, albeit for the wrong reasons, to build trust. And, mostly... I am in awe of Sansa who is so emphatic she feels sorry for him even though he is the one with all the power in this situation. She's the strongest between the two of them. Just like Brienne is stronger than Jaime for her empathy toward him despite it all.

He is as frightened as I am, Sansa realized. Perhaps that should have made her feel more kindly toward him, but it did not. All she felt was pity, and pity was death to desire. He was looking at her, waiting for her to say something, but all her words had withered. She could only stand there trembling.

When he finally realized that she had no answer for him, Tyrion Lannister drained the last of his wine. “I understand,” he said bitterly. “Get in the bed, Sansa. We need to do our duty.”

Sansa is understandably having a very hard time trying to give Tyrion what he wants, and since he has not received the response he wanted from her — kind of reminds me of Jaime demanding Brienne did anything ‘kiss him, slap him or call him a liar’ — he goes for where it hurts. Commanding her on the bed, because they must do their duty. I think Jaime is slightly better for the simple reason that he dialogues, tries and communicate even when Brienne makes it difficult for him, in his mind, instead Tyrion resorts immediately for a kind of punishment. Re-reading it, it kind of reminds me of Daenerys during the scene with Jon when she tells him she has no love west of the Narrow Sea and he replies he loves her as his queen and rejects her attempt at kissing him, to which she promptly replies with ‘let it be fear’, especially since Tyrion knows that Sansa is scared and he is like —› if I cannot get her love any way, if I cannot convince her right this instant to accept me, let it be forceful, let her be scared.

She climbed onto the featherbed, conscious of his stare. A scented beeswax candle burned on the bedside table and rose petals had been strewn between the sheets. She had started to pull up a blanket to cover herself when she heard him say, “No.”

Jaime lets Brienne cover herself, he doesn't command her not to — he would've gotten punched probably, but still — but here we see both Sansa and Brienne trying to cover themselves from the Lannisters' stare and both Lannister brothers not caring. Tyrion takes it even beyond, Jaime did not touch Brienne, when Brienne catches him he is surprised by how gentle her touch is, and while he might have mocked her because of her modesty he has not went beyond mockery.

The cold made her shiver, but she obeyed. Her eyes closed, and she waited. After a moment she heard the sound of her husband pulling off his boots, and the rustle of clothing as he undressed himself. When he hopped up on the bed and put his hand on her breast, Sansa could not help but shudder. She lay with her eyes closed, every muscle tense, dreading what might come next. Would he touch her again? Kiss her? Should she open her legs for him now? She did not know what was expected of her.

“Sansa.” The hand was gone. “Open your eyes.”

She had promised to obey; she opened her eyes. He was sitting by her feet, naked. Where his legs joined, his man’s staff poked up stiff and hard from a thicket of coarse yellow hair, but it was the only thing about him that was straight.

“My lady,” Tyrion said, “you are lovely, make no mistake, but . . . I cannot do this. My father be damned. We will wait. The turn of a moon, a year, a season, however long it takes. Until you have come to know me better, and perhaps to trust me a little.” His smile might have been meant to be reassuring, but without a nose it only made him look more grotesque and sinister.

Difficult to find reassuring the smile of a man who has just groped you and then decided in his magnanimity that he will give you time before he forces himself on you. And, still, Sansa tries to be emphatic to him.

Look at him, Sansa told herself,look at your husband, at all of him, Septa Mordane said all men are beautiful, find his beauty, try . She stared at the stunted legs, the swollen brutish brow, the green eye and the black one, the raw stump of his nose and crooked pink scar, the coarse tangle of black and old hair that passed for his beard. Even his manhood was ugly, thick and veined, with a bulbous purple head. This is not right, this is not fair, how have I sinned that the gods would do this to me, how? “On my honour as a Lannister,” the Imp said “I will not touch you until you want me to.”

Not unless, but until.

It is not a doubt in Tyrion's mind that at one point duty will compel her, maybe with a bit more of trust between them, to do her marital duty and lay with him. Is not a question of if, in his mind, is a question of when. Which is just terrible and again egoistical on his part, but also, a product of the society they were raised in.

It took all the courage that was in her to look in those mismatched eyes and say “And if I never want you to, my lord?” His mouth jerked as if she had slapped him. “Never?”

Again, Sansa is showing an understandable concern and yet Tyrion does not care, he just feels angered, offended by her understandable feelings on the matter.

So, he goes for mockery and for disrespect. If she won't give herself to him, well he will just be unfaithful to him and humiliate her by keeping up his business with whores. Kind of different from the show ‘and so my watch begins’, isn't it?

“Why,” he said, “that is why the gods made whores for imps like me.” He closed his short blunt fingers into a fist, and climbed down off the bed.

Again, a Lannister man bump his whole baggage of traumas — just before this moment Tyrion told Sansa he was already married and while he does not share the whole story what he tells her puts in light that it was a very... disputable wedding that did not end well — on the girls they are around, demanding their understanding without giving back even an ounce of respect for their feelings and fears and morals. Yeah, Tyrion does not consummate the marriage that night, nor the coming ones, but it has more to do with Tyrion's pride and Sansa's rejection thus wounding his pride, than with him truly understanding Sansa, imho, because he digs at her pride too — with the whores comment — so it isn't really as romantic as many seem to think it is. It's only half decent, imho.

Anyway...this turned really long. Sorry for any digression, hope you enjoyed the read! Thank you for your ask it was very interesting to analyse and I wish you a very nice day!

#ask the hag #anon asks #Brienne of Tarth #Sansa stark #Brienne and Jaime — the bath scene #Sansa and Tyrion — the wedding night #Sansa and Brienne parallels

[jeysbvck]

Update on the boyfriends please bc I keep seeing things and I need my Shanny to explain what it all means 👀

hiiii my ash, my babe!! i would be more than happy to update you, buckle up bc it's me talking about buddie so this will get long🤭

to recap; last week buck got hit by lightning (after working two lightning strike calls, one father, one woman in labour on her way to hospital 👀) AND DIED. BUCK WAS DEAD IN CANON FOR A WHOLE WEEK. before buck got hit by lightning, we had eddie call him cowboy (the last thing eddie said before buck died was "go get em, cowboy" so i mean...) cue eddie running up the ladder screaming buck's name, asking him if he can hear him, ATTEMPTING TO PULL HIS HANGING LIFELESS BODY TOWARDS HIM before lowering it down where bucks dad i mean captain could rest him on the gurney. cue eddie flying down the ladder (all while he'd just been yeeted off the controls by the same lightning strike), pushed captain out the way to get to buck, but captain wouldn't let him see buck and instead told him he's driving.

cut to last night; we had eddie take over cpr after getting to the hospital, he got bucks heart started again, then he shouted at the nurses to "DO MORE" when they said they'd "do their best" 👀 now, we didn't see eddie too much this episode, because it was all about buck realising he is enough thru his coma dream, but we got some GREAT buddie stuff regardless (and i will die on this hill!!!) SO...the first thing buck remembered when he woke up in his coma dream was Eddie having his back, most notably, calling him cowboy. then we have a lot of unnerving scenes to do with Bucks backstory (which i would happily get into but rn it's Buddie time!!) we spend the episode flipping between coma Buck world and the real world, and in the real world we see that Chris (buddies son) has forced Carla (a care aid & friend), to take him to the hospital because he HAS to talk to Buck, even tho they don't allow kids in the icu. So Eddie and Carla sneak Chris into Bucks room and cue the tears as Chris tells Buck "wherever you are, you have to come back now." and the camera flashes to Eddie, who has tears streaming out of his eyes, who can't even look at Buck and his son.

back in coma world, Buck is at his loft, this is not his world and he knows it. (like it's a wonderful life, although i haven't seen it). He notices there's a statue of the ferris wheel from the pier in his loft, and he hears Chris screaming his name as he flashes back to the tsunami that he and Chris were in at the start of s3 (one of the best story arcs ever and integral to Buddie/Buddifer). A few more things happen, blah blah blah, he goes to find Chim (brother in law in the real world, also works at the 118), and he doesn't know him etc, but he tells Chim "I know why everyone calls you Chimney" and that makes Chim basically believe him (we don't know why they call him Chimney, they've teased it so much tho!). we find out a couple of heartbreaking things, but ive rambled way too much so the main one for this point is - Eddie lost Chris to a major custody battle with his parents, and they took Chris back to Texas.

This is a major thing for the Buddie of it all, because in 4x14, Eddie confesses to Buck that he made him Chris' legal guardian a year ago, after he almost died (3x15), but he didn't tell Buck for a year. We know from 3x15 (Eddie Begins) that after his wife and Chris' mum left, his parents tried to take Chris from him, and he alluded to Buck that they would probably fight Buck for custody, but that "nobody would fight for my kid harder than you, and that's what I want for him." So the fact that in Buck's subconscious, Eddie's parents went for a custody battle, and won, because Buck hadn't joined the 118, Eddie hadn't met Buck (or Bobby the captain, for reasons I haven't gone into right now), and that Buck hadn't introduced Eddie to Carla, is a MAJOR thing.

Then, we have Buck trying to escape his coma dream, he wakes up and everyone's happy. He knows he's enough, and that he's the heart of the 118, and that even though he had his parents love and attention (the way he SHOULD have it) in the coma dream, it wasn't worth the sacrifices that came with it (his sister still being in an abusive relationship, Bobby being dead, and Eddie not having Chris), and that HE is the heart of the 118 (which we all knew anyway, he just needed to know it!) But during the trying to get out scene, they have Chris, who even isn't in LA in coma world, ask Buck if he can "help him look for his dad" (Buck replies, "I can't, you're not real. I'm always gonna feel guilty for this" although i am paraphrasing)

This got way off track, yay ADHD🙄 but basically the entire episode was centered around family (parents & siblings), and it's very telling in an episode where they confirm in canon that Bobby (captain) and Buck ARE father & son (Bobby's stepdaughter says; "Mom brought two kids into the relationship, you brought one." & Bobby laughed and replied, "Yeah, I guess I did"😭😭) that they basically confirmed that Hen and Chim are adopted siblings to Buck (add in that Chim is his brother-in-law, technically), that Chris was also in the dream, BUT THERE WAS NO EDDIE. Because, Buck IS Chris' dad. and EDDIE does not fit into the box of "siblings or parent" in Buck's life. And when we did see Eddie in the real world, he was barely holding it together, and he was dressed in all black. 👀

I could literally talk about this forever, and there are more theories and thoughts I have for what we could possibly see/foreshadow for the next episodes of Season 6, but instead I'll leave you with this adorable picture of Buck looking at his sister while he hugs his son.😭😭😭

#ash tag💖 #shan shouts into the void #buddie update for my fave!! #buddie #911 #idk if this makes any sense and im so sorry i went completely off the rails😭😭

[wackybuddiemewbs]

What's fascinating for me is that next season we may get some paralleling of romantic couples that currently are, romantic couples that aren't romantic *right now* and couples that could get romantic next season.

Point being: With Bobby struggling, Chim just having been through quite a lot of trauma himself, and Buck who's still not fully addressed the issues of guilt regarding e.g. the shooting or the Jonah situation...

Won't that make for some delicious drama with their respective partners?

Season 5 has featured Maddie and Eddie reaching a breaking point and finding some healing at long last. I think the same can be said about Athena.

Their partners and family have been hugely supportive and made it very clear that they show up, and that they are there for their partners as best as they can.

Bobby's had a breakdown already season 5, though it doesn't feel like all is resolved with what Eddie told him and him not breaking his sobriety (which I hope stays that way, that guy deserves NOT to have a relapse!).

I think it's possible Bobby will need some time for himself that's not just vacation and that we will see Chim back in the captain role when Bobby's not there. It may neatly tie in with how he said last season that he's more for the comic relief. So him getting the reminder that he is so well suited for this because he's very capable may actually be the thing that makes Chimney see that this is anything but the truth, among other things.

Him and Maddie undoubtedly will get back together. So my guessing is that his traumas of the past will need to be addressed and that this will in some capacity be the catalyst that makes them realize that they belong together as a couple.

Buck's speech about what love is to Maddie gave me the notion that after Chim's been after her all this time to get her home and continuously supported her, she will step in to be there for him. Whatever shape or form that may take. Because beside getting back together with Maddie, I'm honestly not quite sure where the writers wanna take Chim's arc next season.

And I think the same will be true for Bobby - Athena's gonna be one of the big players to help him navigate whatever is going on with him next season.

Which brings me, at long last, to Buddie, of course. It always does:

I can see a very beautiful opportunity to parallel 2 canon romantic relationships with a soon-to-be romantic relationship. Because if Eddie and Buck circle back on helping each other through some crisis, I can very well see bloom up on Buck's side. And how they work through it together, even though Eddie's also still struggling...

Like, that can be some delicious (relationship) drama. And a great set-up for a romantic relationship blooming between them at long last. While also showing how trauma isn't linear and that people going through traumatic events react differently and at their own pace.

I think it'd also be very interesting to explore this theme of how difficult it can be for two people to be there for each other. More so if both are struggling and coming to grips with their traumas at their own pace.

So IF they are going for it with Buck doing some more work on his traumas, it might make for some additional great drama. Because Chim and Bobby suffered trauma without their respective partners present, basically, whereas a lot of the traumatic shit of late was something Buck and Eddie shared in. So here we really have a great narrative opportunity to show two people struggling to help each other, even though they cope differently and need support themselves - because the very same event.

So yeah, I can very well see a scenario wherein Buck's definition of love will come back to us next season - and that it will apply to Bobby/Athena, Maddie/Chimney, AND Buck/Eddie. For example, we might get some variants for the love that keeps persevering, the love that reunites, and the love that finds itself at long last.

Or something to that effect.

Anywho. This will keep me thinking for a while. Even though I don't expect much to come out of it, I'll keep thinking and obsessing about the bittersweet chances of this.

#buddie #911 spoilers #911 season 5 spoilers #911 season 5 #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buck x eddie

[renaissanceclassics]

Up From Slavery: Part 3

of 18 parts. Chapter II. Boyhood Days

After the coming of freedom there were two points upon which practically all the people on our place were agreed, and I found that this was generally true throughout the South: that they must change their names, and that they must leave the old plantation for at least a few days or weeks in order that they might really feel sure that they were free.

In some way a feeling got among the coloured people that it was far from proper for them to bear the surname of their former owners, and a great many of them took other surnames. This was one of the first signs of freedom. When they were slaves, a coloured person was simply called "John" or "Susan." There was seldom occasion for more than the use of the one name. If "John" or "Susan" belonged to a white man by the name of "Hatcher," sometimes he was called "John Hatcher," or as often "Hatcher's John." But there was a feeling that "John Hatcher" or "Hatcher's John" was not the proper title by which to denote a freeman; and so in many cases "John Hatcher" was changed to "John S. Lincoln" or "John S. Sherman," the initial "S" standing for no name, it being simply a part of what the coloured man proudly called his "entitles."

As I have stated, most of the coloured people left the old plantation for a short while at least, so as to be sure, it seemed, that they could leave and try their freedom on to see how it felt. After they had remained away for a while, many of the older slaves, especially, returned to their old homes and made some kind of contract with their former owners by which they remained on the estate.

My mother's husband, who was the stepfather of my brother John and myself, did not belong to the same owners as did my mother. In fact, he seldom came to our plantation. I remember seeing him there perhaps once a year, that being about Christmas time. In some way, during the war, by running away and following the Federal soldiers, it seems, he found his way into the new state of West Virginia. As soon as freedom was declared, he sent for my mother to come to the Kanawha Valley, in West Virginia. At that time a journey from Virginia over the mountains to West Virginia was rather a tedious and in some cases a painful undertaking. What little clothing and few household goods we had were placed in a cart, but the children walked the greater portion of the distance, which was several hundred miles.

I do not think any of us ever had been very far from the plantation, and the taking of a long journey into another state was quite an event. The parting from our former owners and the members of our own race on the plantation was a serious occasion. From the time of our parting till their death we kept up a correspondence with the older members of the family, and in later years we have kept in touch with those who were the younger members. We were several weeks making the trip, and most of the time we slept in the open air and did our cooking over a log fire out-of-doors. One night I recall that we camped near an abandoned log cabin, and my mother decided to build a fire in that for cooking, and afterward to make a "pallet" on the floor for our sleeping. Just as the fire had gotten well started a large black snake fully a yard and a half long dropped down the chimney and ran out on the floor. Of course we at once abandoned that cabin. Finally we reached our destination—a little town called Malden, which is about five miles from Charleston, the present capital of the state.

At that time salt-mining was the great industry in that part of West Virginia, and the little town of Malden was right in the midst of the salt-furnaces. My stepfather had already secured a job at a salt-furnace, and he had also secured a little cabin for us to live in. Our new house was no better than the one we had left on the old plantation in Virginia. In fact, in one respect it was worse. Notwithstanding the poor condition of our plantation cabin, we were at all times sure of pure air. Our new home was in the midst of a cluster of cabins crowded closely together, and as there were no sanitary regulations, the filth about the cabins was often intolerable. Some of our neighbours were coloured people, and some were the poorest and most ignorant and degraded white people. It was a motley mixture. Drinking, gambling, quarrels, fights, and shockingly immoral practices were frequent. All who lived in the little town were in one way or another connected with the salt business. Though I was a mere child, my stepfather put me and my brother at work in one of the furnaces. Often I began work as early as four o'clock in the morning.

The first thing I ever learned in the way of book knowledge was while working in this salt-furnace. Each salt-packer had his barrels marked with a certain number. The number allotted to my stepfather was "18." At the close of the day's work the boss of the packers would come around and put "18" on each of our barrels, and I soon learned to recognize that figure wherever I saw it, and after a while got to the point where I could make that figure, though I knew nothing about any other figures or letters.

From the time that I can remember having any thoughts about anything, I recall that I had an intense longing to learn to read. I determined, when quite a small child, that, if I accomplished nothing else in life, I would in some way get enough education to enable me to read common books and newspapers. Soon after we got settled in some manner in our new cabin in West Virginia, I induced my mother to get hold of a book for me. How or where she got it I do not know, but in some way she procured an old copy of Webster's "blue-back" spelling-book, which contained the alphabet, followed by such meaningless words as "ab," "ba," "ca," "da." I began at once to devour this book, and I think that it was the first one I ever had in my hands. I had learned from somebody that the way to begin to read was to learn the alphabet, so I tried in all the ways I could think of to learn it,—all of course without a teacher, for I could find no one to teach me. At that time there was not a single member of my race anywhere near us who could read, and I was too timid to approach any of the white people. In some way, within a few weeks, I mastered the greater portion of the alphabet. In all my efforts to learn to read my mother shared fully my ambition, and sympathized with me and aided me in every way that she could. Though she was totally ignorant, she had high ambitions for her children, and a large fund of good, hard, common sense, which seemed to enable her to meet and master every situation. If I have done anything in life worth attention, I feel sure that I inherited the disposition from my mother.

In the midst of my struggles and longing for an education, a young coloured boy who had learned to read in the state of Ohio came to Malden. As soon as the coloured people found out that he could read, a newspaper was secured, and at the close of nearly every day's work this young man would be surrounded by a group of men and women who were anxious to hear him read the news contained in the papers. How I used to envy this man! He seemed to me to be the one young man in all the world who ought to be satisfied with his attainments.

About this time the question of having some kind of a school opened for the coloured children in the village began to be discussed by members of the race. As it would be the first school for Negro children that had ever been opened in that part of Virginia, it was, of course, to be a great event, and the discussion excited the wildest interest. The most perplexing question was where to find a teacher. The young man from Ohio who had learned to read the papers was considered, but his age was against him. In the midst of the discussion about a teacher, another young coloured man from Ohio, who had been a soldier, in some way found his way into town. It was soon learned that he possessed considerable education, and he was engaged by the coloured people to teach their first school. As yet no free schools had been started for coloured people in that section, hence each family agreed to pay a certain amount per month, with the understanding that the teacher was to "board 'round"—that is, spend a day with each family. This was not bad for the teacher, for each family tried to provide the very best on the day the teacher was to be its guest. I recall that I looked forward with an anxious appetite to the "teacher's day" at our little cabin.

This experience of a whole race beginning to go to school for the first time, presents one of the most interesting studies that has ever occurred in connection with the development of any race. Few people who were not right in the midst of the scenes can form any exact idea of the intense desire which the people of my race showed for an education. As I have stated, it was a whole race trying to go to school. Few were too young, and none too old, to make the attempt to learn. As fast as any kind of teachers could be secured, not only were day-schools filled, but night-schools as well. The great ambition of the older people was to try to learn to read the Bible before they died. With this end in view men and women who were fifty or seventy-five years old would often be found in the night-school. Some day-schools were formed soon after freedom, but the principal book studied in the Sunday-school was the spelling-book. Day-school, night-school, Sunday-school, were always crowded, and often many had to be turned away for want of room.

The opening of the school in the Kanawha Valley, however, brought to me one of the keenest disappointments that I ever experienced. I had been working in a salt-furnace for several months, and my stepfather had discovered that I had a financial value, and so, when the school opened, he decided that he could not spare me from my work. This decision seemed to cloud my every ambition. The disappointment was made all the more severe by reason of the fact that my place of work was where I could see the happy children passing to and from school mornings and afternoons. Despite this disappointment, however, I determined that I would learn something, anyway. I applied myself with greater earnestness than ever to the mastering of what was in the "blue-back" speller.

My mother sympathized with me in my disappointment, and sought to comfort me in all the ways she could, and to help me find a way to learn. After a while I succeeded in making arrangements with the teacher to give me some lessons at night, after the day's work was done. These night lessons were so welcome that I think I learned more at night than the other children did during the day. My own experiences in the night-school gave me faith in the night-school idea, with which, in after years, I had to do both at Hampton and Tuskegee. But my boyish heart was still set upon going to the day-school, and I let no opportunity slip to push my case. Finally I won, and was permitted to go to the school in the day for a few months, with the understanding that I was to rise early in the morning and work in the furnace till nine o'clock, and return immediately after school closed in the afternoon for at least two more hours of work.

The schoolhouse was some distance from the furnace, and as I had to work till nine o'clock, and the school opened at nine, I found myself in a difficulty. School would always be begun before I reached it, and sometimes my class had recited. To get around this difficulty I yielded to a temptation for which most people, I suppose, will condemn me; but since it is a fact, I might as well state it. I have great faith in the power and influence of facts. It is seldom that anything is permanently gained by holding back a fact. There was a large clock in a little office in the furnace. This clock, of course, all the hundred or more workmen depended upon to regulate their hours of beginning and ending the day's work. I got the idea that the way for me to reach school on time was to move the clock hands from half-past eight up to the nine o'clock mark. This I found myself doing morning after morning, till the furnace "boss" discovered that something was wrong, and locked the clock in a case. I did not mean to inconvenience anybody. I simply meant to reach that schoolhouse in time.

When, however, I found myself at the school for the first time, I also found myself confronted with two other difficulties. In the first place, I found that all the other children wore hats or caps on their heads, and I had neither hat nor cap. In fact, I do not remember that up to the time of going to school I had ever worn any kind of covering upon my head, nor do I recall that either I or anybody else had even thought anything about the need of covering for my head. But, of course, when I saw how all the other boys were dressed, I began to feel quite uncomfortable. As usual, I put the case before my mother, and she explained to me that she had no money with which to buy a "store hat," which was a rather new institution at that time among the members of my race and was considered quite the thing for young and old to own, but that she would find a way to help me out of the difficulty. She accordingly got two pieces of "homespun" (jeans) and sewed them together, and I was soon the proud possessor of my first cap.

The lesson that my mother taught me in this has always remained with me, and I have tried as best as I could to teach it to others. I have always felt proud, whenever I think of the incident, that my mother had strength of character enough not to be led into the temptation of seeming to be that which she was not—of trying to impress my schoolmates and others with the fact that she was able to buy me a "store hat" when she was not. I have always felt proud that she refused to go into debt for that which she did not have the money to pay for. Since that time I have owned many kinds of caps and hats, but never one of which I have felt so proud as of the cap made of the two pieces of cloth sewed together by my mother. I have noted the fact, but without satisfaction, I need not add, that several of the boys who began their careers with "store hats" and who were my schoolmates and used to join in the sport that was made of me because I had only a "homespun" cap, have ended their careers in the penitentiary, while others are not able now to buy any kind of hat.

My second difficulty was with regard to my name, or rather A name. From the time when I could remember anything, I had been called simply "Booker." Before going to school it had never occurred to me that it was needful or appropriate to have an additional name. When I heard the school-roll called, I noticed that all of the children had at least two names, and some of them indulged in what seemed to me the extravagance of having three. I was in deep perplexity, because I knew that the teacher would demand of me at least two names, and I had only one. By the time the occasion came for the enrolling of my name, an idea occurred to me which I thought would make me equal to the situation; and so, when the teacher asked me what my full name was, I calmly told him "Booker Washington," as if I had been called by that name all my life; and by that name I have since been known. Later in my life I found that my mother had given me the name of "Booker Taliaferro" soon after I was born, but in some way that part of my name seemed to disappear and for a long while was forgotten, but as soon as I found out about it I revived it, and made my full name "Booker Taliaferro Washington." I think there are not many men in our country who have had the privilege of naming themselves in the way that I have.

More than once I have tried to picture myself in the position of a boy or man with an honoured and distinguished ancestry which I could trace back through a period of hundreds of years, and who had not only inherited a name, but fortune and a proud family homestead; and yet I have sometimes had the feeling that if I had inherited these, and had been a member of a more popular race, I should have been inclined to yield to the temptation of depending upon my ancestry and my colour to do that for me which I should do for myself. Years ago I resolved that because I had no ancestry myself I would leave a record of which my children would be proud, and which might encourage them to still higher effort.

The world should not pass judgment upon the Negro, and especially the Negro youth, too quickly or too harshly. The Negro boy has obstacles, discouragements, and temptations to battle with that are little known to those not situated as he is. When a white boy undertakes a task, it is taken for granted that he will succeed. On the other hand, people are usually surprised if the Negro boy does not fail. In a word, the Negro youth starts out with the presumption against him.

The influence of ancestry, however, is important in helping forward any individual or race, if too much reliance is not placed upon it. Those who constantly direct attention to the Negro youth's moral weaknesses, and compare his advancement with that of white youths, do not consider the influence of the memories which cling about the old family homesteads. I have no idea, as I have stated elsewhere, who my grandmother was. I have, or have had, uncles and aunts and cousins, but I have no knowledge as to where most of them are. My case will illustrate that of hundreds of thousands of black people in every part of our country. The very fact that the white boy is conscious that, if he fails in life, he will disgrace the whole family record, extending back through many generations, is of tremendous value in helping him to resist temptations. The fact that the individual has behind and surrounding him proud family history and connection serves as a stimulus to help him to overcome obstacles when striving for success.

The time that I was permitted to attend school during the day was short, and my attendance was irregular. It was not long before I had to stop attending day-school altogether, and devote all of my time again to work. I resorted to the night-school again. In fact, the greater part of the education I secured in my boyhood was gathered through the night-school after my day's work was done. I had difficulty often in securing a satisfactory teacher. Sometimes, after I had secured some one to teach me at night, I would find, much to my disappointment, that the teacher knew but little more than I did. Often I would have to walk several miles at night in order to recite my night-school lessons. There was never a time in my youth, no matter how dark and discouraging the days might be, when one resolve did not continually remain with me, and that was a determination to secure an education at any cost.

Soon after we moved to West Virginia, my mother adopted into our family, notwithstanding our poverty, an orphan boy, to whom afterward we gave the name of James B. Washington. He has ever since remained a member of the family.

After I had worked in the salt-furnace for some time, work was secured for me in a coal-mine which was operated mainly for the purpose of securing fuel for the salt-furnace. Work in the coal-mine I always dreaded. One reason for this was that any one who worked in a coal-mine was always unclean, at least while at work, and it was a very hard job to get one's skin clean after the day's work was over. Then it was fully a mile from the opening of the coal-mine to the face of the coal, and all, of course, was in the blackest darkness. I do not believe that one ever experiences anywhere else such darkness as he does in a coal-mine. The mine was divided into a large number of different "rooms" or departments, and, as I never was able to learn the location of all these "rooms," I many times found myself lost in the mine. To add to the horror of being lost, sometimes my light would go out, and then, if I did not happen to have a match, I would wander about in the darkness until by chance I found some one to give me a light. The work was not only hard, but it was dangerous. There was always the danger of being blown to pieces by a premature explosion of powder, or of being crushed by falling slate. Accidents from one or the other of these causes were frequently occurring, and this kept me in constant fear. Many children of the tenderest years were compelled then, as is now true I fear, in most coal-mining districts, to spend a large part of their lives in these coal-mines, with little opportunity to get an education; and, what is worse, I have often noted that, as a rule, young boys who begin life in a coal-mine are often physically and mentally dwarfed. They soon lose ambition to do anything else than to continue as a coal-miner.

In those days, and later as a young man, I used to try to picture in my imagination the feelings and ambitions of a white boy with absolutely no limit placed upon his aspirations and activities. I used to envy the white boy who had no obstacles placed in the way of his becoming a Congressman, Governor, Bishop, or President by reason of the accident of his birth or race. I used to picture the way that I would act under such circumstances; how I would begin at the bottom and keep rising until I reached the highest round of success.

In later years, I confess that I do not envy the white boy as I once did. I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed. Looked at from this standpoint, I almost reached the conclusion that often the Negro boy's birth and connection with an unpopular race is an advantage, so far as real life is concerned. With few exceptions, the Negro youth must work harder and must perform his tasks even better than a white youth in order to secure recognition. But out of the hard and unusual struggle through which he is compelled to pass, he gets a strength, a confidence, that one misses whose pathway is comparatively smooth by reason of birth and race.

From any point of view, I had rather be what I am, a member of the Negro race, than be able to claim membership with the most favoured of any other race. I have always been made sad when I have heard members of any race claiming rights or privileges, or certain badges of distinction, on the ground simply that they were members of this or that race, regardless of their own individual worth or attainments. I have been made to feel sad for such persons because I am conscious of the fact that mere connection with what is known as a superior race will not permanently carry an individual forward unless he has individual worth, and mere connection with what is regarded as an inferior race will not finally hold an individual back if he possesses intrinsic, individual merit. Every persecuted individual and race should get much consolation out of the great human law, which is universal and eternal, that merit, no matter under what skin found, is, in the long run, recognized and rewarded. This I have said here, not to call attention to myself as an individual, but to the race to which I am proud to belong.

[jess-moloney]

I had asked about the YSL interaction and how he changed since then. So it is not me reaching. I have been following Jamie for years. Whenever he was at a fashion show he was animated, excited and you never saw him uncomfortable. You look at last year when they went he was confident, posted about it and you can tell he was enjoying himself. Although I found it odd he was sharing the spotlight with her. It is great being a supportive partner but it isn't like she is an actress or famous model. Other fans thought it was the greatest thing. It just raised my suspicions. Fast forward to the latest event and he looks tense, smoking a lot as if overly stressed. He doesn't have any post about it, only she does on her page. Was there an argument or unpleasant experience that occurred there? He hasn't been the same since then. So many things have not been the same since she entered the picture. Fans can make excuses or keep defending but don't pretend like it is all okay. This is not normal at all. It is very out of character for Jamie.

That woman making that smoking caption is cringe. You would think she would have more common sense. What concerns me about the smoking merch is that while for some reason it is trendy now (which is baffling to me), once it stops being the in thing to do an outsider may see this and Jamie will get heat for it. That may not happen but you have to watch out for these things when decisions are being made. Same thing with the cover song, which was corrected quickly but what about next time. Who is advising Jamie and why are these decisions being made half ass. Jess having lack of experience in any PR or celeb management can be a detriment if she guides him the wrong way. If she was so supportive then she would first of all, leave managing to someone with experience and second at least advise the right way. This is the first time, at least publicly I am seeing Jamie seem uncomfortable and not sure of himself. This has probably happened plenty of times, of course. But there is definitely a shift in character and drastically.

I too think something must have happened at the event or shortly before to have him acting that way. He's borderline ignoring her and the others who do interact with her only seem to do so because she's there and they are being polite. He's smoking like a chimney and barely paying any mind to her. He doesn't look happy to be there. Things definitely declined from that moment in time to what they are now.

As for the smoking thing possibly being trendy as of now, that still doesn't mean it's a good idea to promote it for any reason. This isn't the 50s or the 80s where that may have been seen as cool or some kind of rebellious act against authority. In a few years (maybe less) that could be a terrible image for him to have portrayed on merchandise.

When it comes to managing, no one should be managing their partner in a relationship like that. It introduces a very bad power imbalance. If she's not officially managing him, with her alleged expertise you think she'd at least be advising him against a lot of the things he has been doing. His personality and style shift have been abundantly clear since she came into his life and not for the better. I do wonder how long this will last. Except, if she's preying on his fear of abandonment and also using manipulative tactics to convince him he's the problem or he can't do any better or monitoring/isolating him so much he has no options to escape he may be stuck with her a very long time.

Someone else mentioned something about how she says she doesn't want kids. Yet she does strike me as the type who would get pregnant just to make sure she could keep him around as some sort of investment so she can keep running her oddly planned businesses and multiple websites/accounts. With how shady she is, I wouldn't put it past her to put him in a trap baby situation just so she can make sure he's always connected to her life even if he leaves.

#jess moloney #jamie campbell bower #jamie bower #mail

[canonicallyobserving911]

In some instances, 6x11 was not CANONICALLY accurate

Please note this post has nothing to do with the actors and actresses playing the characters but it has everything to do with the characters’ characterizations. All of 9-1-1’s actors and actresses are great and every one of them have the ability to deliver stellar performances.  They did the best they could with the scripts they were given so this isn’t about them.  It’s also not about the writers because they don’t have final approval of the storylines and arcs that make it into the final episodes.

I posted my initial thoughts about the lack of Eddie last night and let me be clear, in real life, not Fanfiction, I never expected for Eddie to appear in Buck’s dream sequence at any point and here’s why.

In CANON if Buck wasn’t a firefighter, then Bobby would have lost his job in season 1 because Buck wouldn’t have been there with Hen to help him after the plane crash when he fell off the wagon.  Bobby being gone from the 118 means Eddie would not have been hired to work there because Bobby wouldn’t have been there to recruit him and Eddie would have probably ended up at station 6. I never expected for Eddie to have died in The Well or The Shooting in Buck’s dream because if the firehouse he ended up working for wasn’t dispatched to those scenes, then he wouldn’t have been involved in those incidents. The whole dynamic would have been different but of course the narrative was changed in 6x11 to fit this new and improved characterization of Buck.

Before addressing two things that were GLARINGLY wrong with Buck’s dream and his actions after he woke up in 6x11, it appears one of Buck’s dream memories was not CANONICALLY accurate.  Buck not being a firefighter wasn’t the thing that pushed Bobby over the edge and it wasn’t the reason why Bobby fought to live.  Bobby had been planning to commit suicide in season 1 and he had already talked to his priest about it but Chimney was the person who helped Bobby realize he mattered after Bobby donated blood during the 118’s blood drive.  Someone from the hospital tested his blood and learned it has the potential to save a lot of babies lives after they’re born.  It was Chimney who found parents with a baby who was saved by Bobby’s blood and he invited Bobby to the hospital and introduced them to each other.  This happened after Bobby told Chimney he was planning to commit suicide but just like always, everything had to be adjusted to fit the narrative the showrunner wanted to tell about Buck.

Two parts of Buck’s storyline in 6x11 that also weren’t CANONICALLY accurate have been included below.

The Buckley Parents

First, redemption for the Buckley parents was nonsensical because nothing happened on-screen to justify them being redeemed.  The dynamic between Buck and his parents has always been based on the way Buck hurt himself and in 6x11 things were exactly the same. His parents went to the hospital because he was hurt but Margaret said in 4x4 “9-1-1 What’s Your Grievance?” she wasn’t good with seeing her children in the hospital so the question is how did she magically become good with it now? Did they discuss it in the two therapy sessions Buck said they agreed to have with him in 4x6 “Jinx”?  If so then it would have made narrative sense if it had been addressed with one line in 6x10 “In a Flash” when they first showed up but even their demeanors in that episode were completely off.  Buck admitted it later on while riding in the firetruck when he said they thought him being a sperm donor was an idiotic decision which proved they haven’t changed one bit.  His parents were still keeping up appearances but no real growth with them has happened.  The other two times Buck was in the hospital in seasons 2 and 3, they didn’t visit him and it seems like they wouldn’t have visited him in 6x11 either if they hadn’t already been in L.A.

Second, Buck’s mother wanting to redecorate his loft and him just letting her do it was ridiculous for several reasons.  Margaret wasn’t shown being in his loft before 6x11 and for her to tell him they were going to buy him a couch when he said he didn’t want one was weird.  She took over the same way TK did in 5x13 “Fear-O-Phobia” when she moved in.  This leads to the next point because the question now becomes did Buck learn anything about his parents from his dream?  NO because his parents were the same in both his dream and his reality and he was never shown making a definitive decision about his relationship with them. They were redeemed without him having a serious discussion and him sitting in his armchair at the end of the episode looking all happy like they’re some kind of perfect family when they aren’t was even weirder.  Bobby told Buck in his dream he couldn’t fix everything but Buck said he fixed him (he didn’t see paragraph above about Chimney) and now it seems like Buck’s still trying to fix his parents the same way he believes he fixed Bobby.

He’s still repeating the same mistakes expecting for them to change when they obviously haven’t but he wants a family so bad he’s willing to hold onto whatever resemblances of a family he sees and just roll with it.  The main issue is Buck is still not dealing with his problems that stemmed from his relationship or lack thereof with his mother.  In all of Buck’s romantic relationships, he just went along for the ride and let the women in his life control everything and now he’s doing it again. But this time, it’s happening with his mother the woman who’s the source of all his emotional trauma.  Will he ever talk to her to let her know how much she hurt him?  Probably not but her offering to decorate his loft was another way she’s using to control him and it was VERY LOUD but he still doesn’t see it.  So, what exactly has Buck learned from this whole lightning strike debacle?  Whether he learned something or not is difficult to say but it appears he’s still going in circles since he won’t ADMIT what and who he wants in his life because he’s still trying to make people see him the way he wants them too instead of him being who he is.  In Buck’s dream, Bobby told him, “If what matters to you most is the way other people see you then… you haven’t learned a damn thing”.  The episode ended and it seemed like Buck still hasn’t learned anything since he wants to please his parents and try to have a better relationship with them without talking about any of the issues he’s had with them. Bobby told him in 5x9 “Past is Prologue” he doesn’t talk to the women he dates but that statement can also be applied to his mother since he won’t talk to her about the way she treated him.  He's still trying to please his parents when they’re showing him a mirage, it’s the life they know he wants to see and now since they won’t even be involved for the rest of the season, another big hole has been left in Buck’s storyline.  It’s unlikely the hole will be addressed anytime soon because as usual it’s wash, rinse and repeat with Buck’s characterization so it’s unclear if he’ll ever address the issues he’s had with his parents in the future.

Eddie’s characterization

Eddie is a great dad and he was one before he met Buck.  Buck said it himself in 2x4 “Stuck” that Eddie’s a great dad so how did Eddie go from being a great dad in reality to him being an “angry guy” in Buck’s dream who let his parents take his son away from him?  This was another forced narrative that didn’t make any sense because Eddie would have quit being a firefighter before he would have relinquished custody of Chris to his parents.  Proof of this statement happened in 5x10 “Wrapped in Red” when Eddie quit the 118 because he was worried about Chris thinking he was going to die.  Also, Eddie left El Paso, TX to get AWAY from his parents and even though he’s reconciled with Ramon, he has yet to deal with his own mother and the way she treated him while he was growing up and after he was discharged from the Army.  She was the driving force behind trying to take Chris away from him and he still hasn’t dealt with it. Eddie sacrifices everything for Chris including, giving up the job he loved in 5x10 to work in a job he disliked, he tried to reconcile with Shannon in 2x10 “Merry Ex-Mas” for Chris’ sake but it didn’t work, he planned to stick it out with Ana in 5x2 “Desperate Times” even though his heart wasn’t in it since he was only doing it for Chris’ sake again and he does everything he can to make sure Chris has what he needs. The assassination of his character was unnecessary because he's not some “angry guy” who would have lost his kid in a custody battle with his parents just because Buck wasn’t a firefighter.  Buck did introduce Eddie to Carla but if Buck hadn’t been at the 118 and Eddie ended up at station 6, then Eddie would have quit firefighting and found another job in L.A. that would have allowed him to support both of them instead of allowing his parents to sue him for custody.

The show has practically removed the support system Eddie already had in L.A. before he met Buck. They moved his abuela Isabel back to TX and the audience didn’t learn about it until 5x17 “Hero Complex” when Eddie, Chris and Pepa traveled there for Ramon’s retirement party.  Pepa hasn’t been in an episode since 5x17 but they keep putting Carla in the episodes so Eddie will have someone to talk to other than Buck.  It’s clear from the scenes with Chimney and Karen that Eddie has other friends but the show won’t let those friendships be shown on-screen.  Since Eddie arrived, the show has made him completely dependent on Buck and the 118 but they haven’t made Buck completely dependent on Eddie.  This is a problem because the GA still doesn’t understand the nature of Buck and Eddie’s relationship.

In 6x10 and 6x11 it was clear from Eddie’s reaction to Buck being hurt how much Buck means to him but it’s still unclear how much Eddie means to Buck. Reminder The Shooting happened almost two years ago, they still haven’t talked about it and a lot of things have happened since then.  Buck being the one to talk to Chris after Eddie was shot was LOUD and so was Eddie’s will reveal but they still haven’t discussed the meaning behind those two instances. Also, Buck broke down Eddie’s bedroom door to get to him in 5x13 after Eddie’s breakdown but since the show said the underlying cause was Eddie’s PTSD, the GA didn’t understand there was more to Eddie’s statement about the way he wanted to feel normal again. It’s been a year since his breakdown and now that Buck was hurt, to the GA, the feelings Eddie has for him kind of seem like they’re one-sided even though the fandom understands and knows they aren’t.

After Buck woke up, why wasn’t he allowed to tell Eddie that him being struck by lightning wasn’t Eddie’s fault?  Eddie internalizes EVERYTHING and he’s blaming himself for Buck being hurt but the show isn’t addressing it.  He’s torturing himself and instead of allowing them to talk about it, the showrunner has mentioned multiple times the way Eddie’s going to start dating again and she thinks it’s going to be fun for him (it won’t be). Apparently, Eddie’s storylines are going in circles just like Buck’s are since he already tried dating again in 4x6. It seems like this is another delay tactic being setup so he can finally realize who he wants to be with and it’s ridiculous because he already knows he wants to be with Buck.  He reached for Buck after the shooting, he can’t keep his eyes off him, he made Buck the legal guardian to his son and now his character is being assassinated and Buck was made to look like the best dad ever at the expense of Eddie.

The GA still sees Buck and Eddie as platonic friends who have a deep brotherly type of love for one another and that’s after they watched the kitchen scene and all the googly eyes they keep making at each other.  Until one of them makes a love confession or at least an implication is made that they are definitely going to be more than just friends and work partners, then it’s likely the showrunner will keep doing the same things she’s been doing for the past few seasons of keeping Buck and Eddie occupied by having them date other people instead of putting them together.  Additionally, the GA doesn’t write 10K word Metas and Theories which means they don’t understand the symbolism of Eddie not being able to look at Buck while he was in his hospital room or the absence of Eddie in Buck’s dream.  Eddie’s absence didn’t translate to the GA the way it translated to the fandom because they don’t understand there could be a bigger plan associated with Buck and Eddie ending up in a romantic relationship. Furthermore, the majority of the GA doesn’t read post-mortem interviews and they shouldn’t have to in order to understand what is happening on the show. No one should have to read an interview with OS or the showrunner to learn about things that should have been included in the episode.

Buck’s dream presented the show with the perfect opportunity for him to demonstrate the way he has real romantic feelings for Eddie and to demonstrate the way Eddie reciprocates those feelings but as usual they separated them and now the GA is posting again about not watching the rest of the season. They’re also posting about how Buck and Eddie don’t even seem to be friends anymore just like they did in 6A.

It’s unclear where Buck and Eddie’s relationship is headed but if the show doesn’t do something definitive soon to alert the GA of an impending romantic relationship, then they’re going to lose even more viewers than they lost after season 5 ended.  As of March 14, 2023, 6x11 “In Another Life” had a 6.5 out of a 10-star rating on IMDB and it’s the lowest rating of any episode in season 6 so far.   Ratings haven’t been this low since season 5 so it appears the audience is not happy and they’re losing interest in the storylines again.  It seems like every time the show takes one step forward, the showrunner drags it back 30,000 steps in the opposite direction. Will things get better before the end of the season and the show loses more viewers?  Only the showrunner(s), writers and producers know the answer to that question.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #911 fox #911 on fox #911onfox #911 meta #911 s6 #911 speculation #911 season 6 #911 season 6 speculation #911 #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #bobby nash #chimney han

[my-minds-attic]

I'm reading again

It's just recently that I put myself back into book world. Books were a big thing to me when I was a kid. I used to go to the library every Friday evening after school with my friends. We were not even 8 years old, running the 100 meters separating the school gates to our small village library. I remember these days like it was yesterday. I remember Enola Holmes making me hope I'd be as smart and courageous as her one day. I remember Goosebumps giving me, without me even realising it back then, the love, I still have, for horrific stories. And I remember Percy Jackson. Not only these books made me discover the beauty of greek mythology, but these characters kind of became my friends. That sounds lonely. I mean, I was lonely. But...not really.

My older brother has always been a big part of my 'reading journey'. I never really said that to him but, I'm so grateful for the influence he had on my youth. Especially on pop culture. My love for video games, superhero movies, Harry Potter,... All him. Next time I'll speak to him, I'll thank him for asking mom to buy the Hunger Games and the Oscar Pill books. All that to say, I wouldn't be the same person I am today without him. I definitely wouldn't like reading as much as I do.

My teenage years have been punctuated by the different books I've been reading. You know, sometimes you associate a book with a moment in your life or a place. In my home in France, in winter, when it was snowing outside, I was reading Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda by the chimney because my mom just gifted it to me for Christmas. I was trying to sit on the tiny protruding edge close to the chimney glass while reading it, and it was burning my back, and my butt hurt, and I heard the wood crackling, and it smelled amazing and I was the happiest ever. This book became my favorite for a long time, and I now wonder if this whole 'reading environment' wasn't a huge part of why.

I moved to Canada for university three years ago now. I had the great idea of making this life-changing decision during a global pandemic. As a result, you're now dealing with a girl who's ten times more anxious and has lost half of her, already low, self-confidence. I've had a year of online classes and wasn't going out at all, except for taking out the trash. I had traveled thousands of miles for this. Nobody could do shit about it though, so it made me feel a bit better. You'd think that all that time at home would have given me the opportunity to read hundreds of books. Well I didn't. And to this day I don't really know why. I guess I forgot for a while the happiness reading could give me. I wish I didn't forget.

I moved to another apartment at the start of second year. Uni was getting a tiny bit more normal. I mean, I was actually seeing people. But, I also had the worst roommates you can even begin to imagine. Crazy, dirty, stinky, drugged, the whole package really. Unfortunately, with the rise of apartment rental prices, I probably had the lowest rent in the neighbourhood. So I stayed. After a year like that, I thought I was going to go crazy, when my landlord finally managed to kick them out. I didn't know before moving to Canada how roommates can affect your day-to-day life. How they could put such a huge shadow on all your efforts to be more confident and positive.

Third year was last year. If bad roommates can darken your life, good roommates can save your life. I'll call them A and C. The first week, with two new guys on my floor, I got intimidated. I kept my old habits of eating in my room, and going into common spaces only when I knew for sure they weren't there. But sometimes they caught me off guard and I ended up getting to know them just enough to realise they were exactly what I needed. I know that's not what I was to them, but they kind of became my best friends. I went out more often, I was laughing like crazy every night, we were making burgers to each other, we had movie nights, and even got dangerously addicted to online casino at one point. C returned to his home in December after four months together. Me and A were scared the new roommate could never be as good as C. Well, let me tell you, the next four months were the best I had in a long, long time. Our new roommate, Alex, she's still with me today. She's just great. I had a really hard time when it was time for A to leave last May. At the airport, he sent me a text : "Thank you for probably the best year of my life". I'm still struggling now not to see him in every single corner of this apartment. Don't get me wrong, I know he's not dead, and that we'll probably see each other again one day. It's just that... him leaving marked the end of one of the best chapter of my life.

Thanks to third year, something finally clicked in me. I realised the old me was still inside. And that's when I found this out that I entered the library right up my street to buy a book. The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, the most recent Hunger Games story.

Anxiety is still very much there, but it goes up and down, and I am somewhat certain I'll overcome it one day.

I missed reading so much guys.

Emma.

#reading #books #books & libraries #canada #university #life #booklr #bookblr #books and reading

[gleviachain]

1st Art of 2023, 100 First Artworks and a Look Back (Number 100)

100. A (rather) Disappointing Piece

And here's the downfall. This is the artwork which me quite disappointed (you may already know why), and to this day I consider it as one of the weaker landscapes/backgrounds in my catalogue, despite having a few things that I still like. Let's begin from the left. I enjoy the statue with adjacent flames, with the right placement and more elements in moderation it could something truly magnificent, but it's fine as it is. That fire-spewing building with really big spikes is interesting, even though its perspective is completely broken, but I enjoy looking at the sheer force it eminates. Three: this tall two-tower structure with flags on the roof resembling a town hall or a capitol that's next to the previous example. Number four includes three little attractions downtown: dark pink location that's also spewing fire (must be some kind of factory), the blue-eyes sphinx wannabe and the station with two chimneys (probably a blacksmith). My another favorite is crypt with a statue in the middle of the front, it was inspired from a kind of similar looking crypt in Heroes of Might and Magic 2 Warlock town to be specific (pic below, next to the maze).

And my absolute fave is without a doubt the burning spectacle on the right, this is the magnum opus of this piece, I LOVE that fire and I'm proud of it. Also that tower on the far right has rather interesting design. It seems as though this artwork is not a disaster, given that I like some of its parts. So, where did the disappointment come from? The answer lies in my previous great upload - 'Marching Mountains' (number 91), it turned out so fantastic, I made it one of my art goals to making something as good as this, maybe even something better. I tried to replicate that magic of the original and failed miserably, it was my personal defeat. I'm aware of other mistakes in this. There are no people in this 'town' and it feels lifeless, quite average/subpar background buildings, plain sky, and many possible setbacks (perspective, details). I personally find this piece weak because it didn't meet my standards of being as good as 'Marching Mountains', aside from that and objectively, it stands on its own right and it has a few good things, this is even above average category, it's perfectly alright. It's just me, I feel mild remorse while looking at this crammed fire city with no people, and thinking it was supposed to compete with sprawling mountain paradise teeming with life. But it might for the better, because the next uploads brought me more joy, but that's for another 100 artwork piece.

Couldn't have thought of a better rendition, this is great. I know it's the same pic, but I'm doing this for the good measure.

And so we've come to the end of all 100 artworks. There were many bad ones, even horribly bad ones, but also many average and mediocre examples, some were alright, some were pretty or really good, it's a mixed bad and you've seen it all. That trip down the memory lane was definitely something and I hope you enjoyed it to some extent without combusting, and thank you if you managed to get through this. I really appreciate that. This whole commentary took an unhealthy amount of time, not as much as the art itself, but the last thing on my mind is the another long post. Until the next one.

If you want to check out some of my recent art (and numbers 100+), visit my Instagram (instagram.com/gleviachain/).

#tumblr #tumblrgram #tumblrpost #tumblrtextpost #tumblrposts #tumblrart #tumblr art #instagram #art #artwork #digital art #digital #digitalart #original art #illustration #digital illustration #myart #my art #my artwork #myartwork #statue #statues #sculptures #landscape #landscape art #town #town art #background #background art #small artist