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#also what were those memories he was hiding and needed to uncover
one-flower-one-sword · 5 months
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"Feng Xin, however, cut straight to the point. "You don't need to pretend anymore! We know this is your old lair. We've already seen what those divine statues are, and the murals too - we've seen everything!" Hua Cheng wasn't directly facing them; he stood at an angle. The hands tugged behind his back seemed to jerk at Feng Xin's words, and two of the fingers curled stiffly inward.
"His Highness... saw it too?" he asked softly, inclining his head. His voice was very, very quiet. While he still sounded unfazed, his voice was slightly cracked and obviously strange."
TGCF Volume 6, page 62
This, to me, is one of the most heartbreaking scenes in the entire series, because of how violating it is what both Hua Cheng and Xie Lian go through. But there have already been many posts about how Mu Qing and Feng Xin take away Xie Lian's agency and autonomy and belittle his intelligence by kidnapping him away from Hua Cheng, trying to take the red string from him, and slapping the command talisman on him that rendered him mute and paralyzed. So what I want to focus on is Hua Cheng's side of it because what he goes through is also violating, just in different ways.
Given that this is Mount Tonglu, it makes absolute sense that Hua Cheng assumed that Xie Lian would never see any of the statues or murals, nor would anyone else connected to him, since gods and heavenly officials usually never go there. It also needs to be kept in mind that the statues were covered by veils and the murals covered by butterfly silk - whether this was done to hide them or to protect them from decay is beside the point, which is that they were covered and that Feng Xin and Mu Qing tear all of those covers down and then get offended by what they find under them - which are Hua Cheng's most private and intimate thoughts and feelings and memories. They might as well have torn open Hua Cheng's heart and soul and dissected the contents only to spit on them in disgust.
So now, not only have two of the people Hua Cheng hates the most uncovered Hua Cheng's most private feelings regarding Xie Lian, they also revealed them to Xie Lian without Hua Cheng's consent. And judging by the above description, Hua Cheng is terrified of Xie Lian's reaction. Usually, he has to be pushed pretty far to ever lose his composure - he evidently has very strong emotions, but most of the time he's suppressing them beneath his laid-back, unshakable attitude. Xie Lian himself remarks at some point on how Hua Cheng smiling doesn't necessarily relate to what he's actually feeling at all since it's just this condescending fake smile he aims at others (well, anyone other than Xie Lian). But here, now, Hua Cheng's hands jerk in shock. His usually confident voice is quiet and actually cracks with how afraid and distressed he is.
Also, though this is more in the realm of speculation because the text isn't clear on it - it's mentioned that he's not facing them directly but standing at an angle, and the look in his eye is actually not described at all - this could be taken to mean that he's deliberately standing in a way that has his blind side facing them more than his seeing side, since very often it's the look in his eye that's giving his emotions away the most. It would make sense that he's deliberately standing like this to try and conceal how hard he's struggling to keep it together.
Aside from losing Xie Lian again or not being able to protect him from harm, this has to be one of Hua Cheng's worst fears - for Xie Lian to be scared of and disgusted by him, to reject Hua Cheng's devotion. Back when Guoshi divined his fate and called him toxic and dangerous and demanded Xie Lian to send him away and not even touch him at all, when everyone was treating him like "poisonous vermin" (volume 2, page 380) and trying to separate him from Xie Lian by force, Xie Lian was the only one to not be scared of and disgusted by him, the one who instead held him and soothed him, who kept insisting that it wasn't his fault, that he wasn't misfortune and disaster. But now with the command talisman making it look like Xie Lian "was afraid to face Hua Cheng and refused to speak to him", this one of Hua Cheng's worst fears seems to have become reality, and it's breaking him apart to a point where he seems to actually be close to tears.
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inviouswriting · 1 year
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Tenderness
This work is 18+ use caution when reading, prefer minors to not interact. You clicking on further is a read at your own risk. 
Zhongli x fem!reader
You know my writing by now~ I like how this turned out specially towards the end~
Warnings and content below~
Includes - Breeding kink, fingering, oral, face-sitting/riding, aftercare, unprotected sex, vaginal sex, in front of a mirror sex, affectionate stuff, fluff and smut, masturbation on zhongli’s part, oral on reader receiving, a small bit of dacryphia with needed for emotion direction. consent discussed. All that wonderful stuff.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The morning after the first time you spent your night with Zhongli, you wake up with a pleasant feeling in your chest, and a dull ache in your thighs. The warmth behind you and breathing tells you Zhongli is still there, with his arms wrapped around you. He is as close as he gets to you, keeping you comfortable and well protected. If you could see his face, you would know he’s smiling in his sleep.
You feel that one ache in your stomach and know you need to get up and leave the warmth of the bed and arms. Before you do, you turn over in Zhongli’s arms to see his face. The sight to you is a dishelved former archon, hair loose from its band, arms black and gold. You touch his face, and it is enough for those amber eyes to open and regard you with love in them. You wonder if he had been awake for a while just basking in the morning with you silently.
“Morning, my beloved.” His voice is lower a whisper and raspy from just waking up. You are in awe of how gorgeous he is and your face pinks up at remembering how he was over you the night before. That he had found pleasure in someone like you.
“What are you thinking about, that has you all red in the face?” The lower of his eyes, he knows, and you shrink down to avoid his eyes. One hand slips up to get you to look at him.
“Just... how we were last night.” You admit to him and see the twitch in the corner of his lips up. He recalls the same memory but from his perspective in how you thrashed beneath him or buried your face in the pillows to scream into them as he took you from behind. The soreness in your shoulder from when he bit it in the middle of your passion together.
“I’ll make us something to eat, while you freshen yourself up.” You’re tugged closer to Zhongli, and you squirm in his grasp when he kisses you fully pressing you down into the bed that you feel your face heated up and when Zhongli pulls back from you, you see that gleam in his eyes that was there when you ended up in that bed together.
Zhongli gets up from the bed, placing the blanket back over you to let you hide under the covers from his gaze while he stumbles out unbothered by his own nudity. You are getting a good view of his back, thin lines decorate it from where you scratched his skin, and him with his hands up trying his hair back into its long ponytail. He sets about dressing himself in a loose robe, giving you a smirk at catching you staring at him. You shrink down more till you hear him leave the room.
It is when you are alone is when you sit up in bed and really feel it. You feel the sensation in your legs, the tenderness of your folds from when he was inside of you, the stretch was intense, and you had cried into his shoulder when he first penetrated you. You shyly uncover yourself and get out of the bed to slowly make your way to the washroom to clean yourself up. It’s there you notice the bite on your shoulder while washing your hands and other marks that litter your body. Subtle teeth marks on the insides of your thighs that make you blush, the finger indents on your waist from when he grabbed and rutted into you rougher, along with the tinge of red that still lingers from when he smacked your rear.
The next thing you notice is the bit of cum between your thighs, it makes you freeze at the sight of it. You worry for a second about the idea of what it could lead to with him, you also take pride that you made a former archon lose himself so much that he came from you.
“Does it bother you?” You jump onto the sink hearing Zhongli’s voice behind you, and he’s leaning against the doorframe watching you as you inspect your body, of all the things he had done, he is satisfied with the state he left you in, he laid his claim on and within you clearly. The light unsteady limp is clear, and he knew you would be sore.  
“I just didn’t expect you to... inside.” You admit and he closes the distance to hug you from behind. Zhongli nuzzles into the side of your face, and you see him regard you in the mirror, eyes gently glowing under the faint light.
“I can prepare tea to prevent anything if the idea of children is still uncertain. I got carried away in the moment of it all.” You feel ice run down your back, and you actually look to him that he moves his head back to avoid hitting yours with his face.  
“N-no! That isn’t what I mean, and I hope I didn’t give the wrong impression. I didn’t expect you inside, but I also... really like it.” He smiles at you confessing this and presses his face against your neck. The robe he is wearing is still loose, and you feel him tug it open then wrap you in it and his arms.
“I’m glad then, that the idea delights you, after all... I would not choose just anyone. We are planning that stage of our lives together.” His hands smooth down to your abdomen resting over leading his fingers down to touch along your skin leading to your folds. Zhongli’s fingers are delicate as he touches the skin starting at your folds gently parting them.  
“You are getting a bit cold to be wandering around nude. Will you indulge me, and I will please you again?” He places nibbling kisses along your neck; you feel your shoulders tense up at the idea of being intimate again, but the way he entices you with his nibbling along your neck and how his fingers slip further along.
“Y-you want me again?” It came out as a gasp and your eyes fall onto your own in your reflection, you can see how his own eyes are closed. Zhongli tapers each kiss with gentle pecks, a glimpse of gold towards your own eyes tells you so much with how much they are lit with lust and love.  
“I want you again, I want you more than you ever know. To feel you writhe underneath me, to pant and scream my name. To see how you take my seed, see if we are fortunate or... keep having to do this till we are. There were so many times during our beginnings where I desired you like this.” You feel heat against your ear as Zhongli gently takes the edge between his teeth to nip at it.  
He turns you in his hold to properly kiss you, you part your lips into it as he guides you backwards till you feel the edge of the counter behind your back. You yelp from the cold against your skin, barely feeling the way Zhongli slips his hands to push your hips closer to his own. You can feel him getting aroused, face flushing more from that than the kiss or the amber eyes boring into your own eyes.
Zhongli tilts your head back to deepen the kiss, letting his emotion out into it and you feel swept up in a whirlwind of intensity. When you part from the kiss you don’t realize you were sitting on the edge of the counter and a very eager former archon kneeling in front of you. He presses kisses along your chest stopping to tease both nipples with squeezes and his mouth sucking on both. Till he is where he wants to be with your legs draped over his shoulders and relying on him for support.
“A-are you sure? I mean... I still have that leaking...” Gold eyes regard you reverently as Zhongli coaxes your legs apart to gain access to your core. Fingers are delicate as they tug open your folds a happy hum emits from him seeing how wet you are just from his kiss and toying with your breasts.
“A good spouse won’t care about that when they aim to please their loved one. Besides... most of it is going to be spilled out in a few.” You look at him perplexed by his words until you feel his fingers slip along your pussy teasing your clit and rubbing through to lubricate his fingers well with your juices. He has you squirming for him with the teasing he does on your clit and pushing closer to him.
“You’re still a little tender here, I’ll be gentle.” He notes the way you squirm when his fingers brush a side of your vulva that took the brunt of his thrusts. He gingerly places a kiss along them as his fingers slowly slip inside. He hears you hiss in response to his fingers but gently pushes them deeper his thumb takes up teasing your clit while his fingers are slowly thrusted in and out.
It is too much for you from the sensation of your folds sore, and you almost ask him to stop if it was not for one spot his fingers brush. It makes your body relax and you are overcome by a sensation rushing through your body like lightning. You snap your attention to Zhongli who eyes you closely seeing that wild expression wash over your face. He repeats the motion that made you do that, and your heels dig into his back to push him closer to you.
“I take you like this spot. Then I wonder how well you’ll take to this.” With his free hand he keeps your folds apart as he presses his tongue to the small nub where his thumb had been rubbing. You feel his fingers prod that one spot that makes you see white fire; your hands go into his hair to tug Zhongli closer forgetting all about the soreness you were feeling. Replaced with the pleasure you need more of.
Zhongli turns his hand so the pads of his fingers inside of you, facing them up to curl better into that spot. He begins to thrust his hand to you while his mouth tends to your clit, licking it and sucking on it till you push close that Zhongli supports you more than the counter you’re on. In a swift motion, the former archon tugs you with him and gets you to straddle his face, it feels awkward for you to be doing this.  
You feel wet heat against your pussy again, and Zhongli guiding your hips into a rhythm with his fingers returning inside of you thrusting a lot more freely and his mouth busy with that nub of nerves. You keep the rhythm he wants and miss him slipping the hand at your hip down to stroke himself, to keep rhythm with the fingers inside you.
“Zhongli!” You manage out, your hips moving on their own; the heat coiling in your belly, and his fingers speeding up prodding that one spot again. Your voice rings out in the empty room amongst the soft grunts you hear from him as he grips himself tighter to mirror the sensation of you clamping down on him. You hear his moans and finally see that he’s pleasing himself while doing this with you. It makes your face flush in realization that you have driven him to masturbate to your moans and screams of pleasure. That he finds such pleasure in this to do such an act underneath you.
“Rex Lapis...” You test his name; he freezes in all of his ministrations hearing his former name. You wonder if it was something you should not have used with the way he gets you to move off his face so he can see you. Instead, you see fire in those amber eyes regarding you for using his name.
“My dear, dear love. Why that name?” He asks, his trance broken as he raises his hand from himself to press a thumb to your mouth. You obediently lick the edge of his thumb, and he hooks it to press on your tongue.
“I was wanting to use your name... and you looked so pleased, I thought you would like it.” He genuinely smiles at you and sits up to collect you in his arms getting you to sit in his lap. You feel him extremely hard and twitching just underneath your thigh and carefully grind against him.
“My love, I love you using my name, I want you to use Morax though, it’ll be easier when I’m inside. Ahh... keep doing that...” He situates you so you’re grinding your folds along his cock, and you bite your lip feeling how hard he is between them brushing against your opening coating him in your juices. He had pulled his fingers from you in favor of teasing your clit as you rub against him.  
The feeling of him throbbing along with hearing him moan against your ear he is feeling it as much as you are. You take the initiative with raising your hips, looking him in his eyes as you slide your own hand down to guide him into yourself. The look in Zhongli’s eyes as you do this, he is a bit surprised but more warmth as you are giving him the consent he needs to continue. His hands on your waist guide you down comfortably, hearing you whimper a little to adjust again to him.
“My love, shhhh. I know... I know. You will adapt with time and let me know if it is too much.” He hugs you to himself when you are fully seated on him, his hands rubbing your back and shoulder as you feel tender from the stretch. Almost too much but you desire it, need him a lot deeper.  
“It feels okay, just really want you inside.” You admit to him; Zhongli tilts your head up to his to place loving kisses on your lips. The feel of his fingers rubbing enough to make you rock against him, making him sink deeper on his cock. You yelp into the kiss for him to swallow your moan in a fuller kiss, sinking his tongue into your mouth. Your hands going to his shoulders from under his arms to scratch as your senses are overwhelmed.
Zhongli guides your hips against his as you keep his kiss moaning into it when he begins to thrust up into you. You grasp the skin at his back to dig your nails into it or tug at the tail that brushes your fingers. You are jolted up when he bucks up and breaks the kiss to bite onto his shoulder muffling your own cries into it as he begins to set a rhythm with you.
You begin to match his pace he is a lot more comfortable with you this round than the previous night. You feel different as he tugs you gently by your hair to look him in his eyes as he has you grind on him. He hears you let out a louder moan when he hits that one spot his fingers prodded earlier. You wrap your legs around his waist pulling yourself to each of his thrusts.
“Hold on my beloved... I’m going to cum at this rate. Not yet... not yet...” He slips a hand down to squeeze himself to keep from doing so. He stills you even gets you to lift off him while he looks at you with a pained expression wanting to respect your unease for him cumming inside you.  
Instead of what you thought in him stopping, he gets you up and moves you to the mirror where he pins you against the surface. Your breath fans and fogs against the glass as Zhongli moves behind you; the robe he’s wearing slips down to hang on his elbows adding a regal look to him and pushes back into you. You yelp from the push in, and the angle has you at but keeps you, so you are pushed against your reflection. You are lost to pleasure while Zhongli has a sight all to himself of you bliss out moaning and trying to scratch the mirror as you push back to his thrusts into you. You feel him throb inside because of what he’s witnessing.
Zhongli slips his hands down your back till he finds the marks he had left in your skin from before. You can’t help but lose yourself to complete pleasure, your toes curling on the floor, hands slipping down the glass in front of you, and you lift your head to look at Zhongli through it,
The sight behind you is almost feral from the former archon. Watching you becoming undone, and wild all by his hands did something to him. Seeing you look at him through the reflection added another piece to it all, the needy pleading look in your eyes to go harder, to be as rough as he was the night before.  
Zhongli places a hand at the back of your neck and gets you to look at yourself in the mirror as he presses his face into the crook of your neck mouthing kisses into it as he pins you against the surface. Your cheek pressing against your reflection’s and him raising your other leg in his free hand to keep himself unobstructed in thrusting in from tip almost out to pushing in full till you scream in pleasure.
“You are beautiful like this, taking me so well, even being as sore as you are. That look in your eye, you want as much as I do, to keep going till you are certain of the outcome. To know you will leave here carrying.” You suck on his fingers when he puts them into your mouth, you moan out around them when he thrusts hard, and you feel hot from his words against your ear.  
“I feel it, are you going to cum? If you’re going to cum, let go already. I want to feel you dripping.” His words do something to you, and Zhongli takes the fingers in your mouth to rub vigorously on the nub to further you along to your orgasm pending. You catch sight of yourself with Zhongli’s eyes meeting yours in the mirror, he is busy darkening the mark on your shoulder in a moment of passion to make you his alone.
“Morax!” You manage out and the thrust into you was a lot harder, you even feel a twitch of him inside at hearing his name called. You do it again, moaning out his name till it is a chant off your lips and a growl in your ear tells you he is enjoying it. The combined pleasure of his fingers and thrusts finally sends you over the edge. Zhongli lifts his gaze to watch your face twist up in pure bliss, mouth open in an O, calling his name and tensed up on him. He groans out in your ear matching your zeal feeling you clench on him and buries himself deep till you can feel him almost reach your womb to fill it with his seed.
You feel your head tilted to meet him in a kiss as he slows till his hips are flush against you, your legs threaten to give out wobbling from the relief washing through you. Zhongli holds you to himself as he lowers you both down to sit on the floor with him again. He simply hugs you in his arms as he gently pulls out of you hearing you hiss from the tender soreness in your thighs again.
Zhongli wraps you with the robe and begins peppering you with love and kisses. You laugh into his affection as he hums happily into your neck and you soak up all the attention, he is giving you. You return the kisses on your lips, and laugh when he nuzzles into your face till, he nibbles on the edge of your ear with a playful growl.
You feel safe in his arms and loved more when he clasps your hands between his, he brings your hands to his lips to kiss over each fingertip and over the back of your hands. You open your hands to let him kiss your palms, and you lean in to kiss his fingers and hands the same. Showering him in the same affection that warms his heart that he looks away because of what swells in his heart.
Without much thought he tugs you down with him to lay on the floor, turning you to face him so you can explore each other's skin. Your hands smooth over his chest marveling at the color difference in his arms and torso. He takes his time in touching you softly treasuring you in this special moment where you are basking together, calming down from the high and gathering your strength to move.  
“What do you hope for... if...” You break the silence with a question. Zhongli understands the direction, and his hands slide down to rest over your abdomen touching gently over the skin.
“I’d hope for one that is healthy and happy.” He tugs you into his arms and you feel lulled into comfort just pressed against him. You press your face into his chest while he rests his chin on top of your head. You wouldn’t believe he is the former archon if it weren’t for him telling you, or seeing his arms as he touched you in such tenderness that you trust everything, he tells you.  
Zhongli kisses the top of your head as you take one of his hands to study the gold of them. He cups your face when you let him, and you both lay like this till the floor becomes uncomfortable. To shower together where he takes care of you, massaging any soreness in your body, and washing you thoroughly. You return this to him, and he melts into your hands going through his hair. You both relax together and dry off sitting in his lap as he brushes your hair, and he lets you work through his.
“How about a meal with me now? I’m certain you are hungry from all the energy we used.” He looks over his shoulder and you bite your own lip at the amber stare he gives you. You blush and look away this time at the effect he has on you. He knows too well but instead of luring you into another romp, he takes mercy on you.
“You’ll need the energy for later.” You snap your head up to look at him, understanding what he means. He just smiles warmly at you, his eyes betraying that gentleness with a primal and heated stare.
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keithsandwich · 7 months
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Memory
Mature
Pairing: Keith x MC (Emma)
Word Count: ~730
Warnings: Marking, Suggestive Content, Lingerie.
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Note: Written for the Kinktober event Visions of Temptation 2023, hosted by @xxsycamore.
Day 2 - Biting/Marking
Thank you so much @nightghoul381 for proofreading ♡
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Dainty hands rolled up the sheer, delicate fabric of the stockings up her thighs. It partially covered the purplish marks he had left on her skin last night. Keith let out a little disappointed sigh. 
It wasn't that he didn't understand him. Emma was simply irresistible, making it hard to contain his most visceral desires, too. Her sweet scent lured his mind to endless fields of sinful thoughts, and the slightest touch of her skin felt like paradise. Something he had never even dreamed of having to himself, and now that he had experienced it, his body desperately craved it. 
Emma rendered him famished with a hunger befitting a lifetime of starvation. It was a herculean task not to devour her whole.
Keith fought this urge with everything he had, however. For her love was his precious paradise flower, more fragile than those silk stockings she was so gently putting on, and he feared the violent raptures of his needs could tear it apart.
He didn't want to hurt her, but this worry didn't reach him. He was so careless with her… 
Emma turned over, her surprise at seeing him standing there while she dressed only lasting a fraction of a second. Her beautiful lips curled up with a most sincere smile. Careless, too, as if the marks on her skin didn't bother her at all. Each little casual step she took towards him contradicted his fears. 
She wasn't hurt.
She wasn't scared of him.
She didn't mind what happened last night.
Keith shuddered for many reasons when Emma's feet arched up so her arms could envelope him in her warmth. She had only a rosy lingerie on, and her uncovered skin pressed against his body. His eyes darted away. His hands hovered over her, not quite touching. There was an overwhelming longing to pull her even closer, to kiss her lips and take her to bed again so he could love her, over and over. But there was also an overwhelming guilt for his actions. And the ever present fright of repeating them himself.
"What's wrong?" Emma sought his stare with worried eyes. The same hands that softly handled the stockings now touched his face with infinite tenderness.
It was hard to resist, but it was harder not to look back at her and open up his heart to the woman he loved. "I'm sorry, I-" Keith quietly brushed his fingers against a mark on the crook of her neck, under the shadow of her hair, but still showing on a closer inspection. "He wasn't gentle with you last night…" 
"Ah, this?" Emma covered that portion of her skin with her hand. Her cheeks were now red and her smile was wider than before. Keith realized that she wasn't hiding the mark, but feeling it. 
"I like it, actually," admitting out loud made her giggle bashfully. "It makes me feel… Desired."
His brows furrowed with confusion. How come something so inconsiderate makes her feel like this? "Do you want me to show you?" She offered, as if sensing his conflicted thoughts, and Keith couldn't help but nod in agreement.
Emma kissed him, her hands burying into his hair and slowly losing their softness. As the kiss deepened, so did the passion with which she pulled him against her, and reacting in the same intensity became irresistible. Tongues waltzed together to the sultry sound of their moans. Keith pressed her waist so tightly she gasped. Their eyes met. She licked her lips and placed moist pecks on his neck. His mind was lost in that dreamy estate, of perfect flowers blooming just for them. 
Keith was so inebriated in lust it didn't hurt at all when her small mouth suckled on his skin. He held his breath, the warm and tingling sensation sending shivers down his spine. 
By the time he gathered himself to open his eyes, Emma was attentively looking at that spot on his neck that was between her lips until seconds ago, her eyes shining somewhat proud of her doing.
"See? This moment will be in your skin now for a while. Hope you'll remember it whenever you see it…" 
She lovingly caressed the mark she left on him with her thumb. Keith chuckled softly. She was right. 
The memory of the love they shared that morning would linger, and the silk stockings remained intact even during their passionate lovemaking.
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spritehouse · 7 months
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i know those eyes (who are you to me?)
a ralvez wip i've had in my docs for too long
⚠️Content Warnings: implied/referenced (but not explicitly written) sex, drug use/addiction, alcohol/alcohol abuse, mutually unhealthy relationships
au where spencer and luke meet during s2 and are in a "relationship" while they're both struggling. fast forward to s13, spencer doesn't remember it, but luke does
“Hey. Luke Alvez.”
He’s stumbling out of clubs, leaving behind masses of sweaty bodies pulsing in time with his hammering heart, tripping into alleyways–
“Oh, hi. Doctor Spencer Reid.”
–his pupils pinpricks like the stars in the haze-obscured skies, the constellations recreated in the crook of his elbows—Orion, Ursa Major, Cassiopeia–
“Ah, no handshaking, right? Your reputation precedes you.”
–and then him.
“So does yours–”
He’s a blur—a twisting, changing form of tall, dark hair, deep eyes, and warmth—with no name, only a memory behind walls of water, reflected and refracted, reshaped in every stolen snapshot of time.
“–it says here that you caught our next fugitive–”
Luke hides his surprise well—years in the army, then the FBI, and a lifetime of holding his breath, where one wrong move threatened his life taught him that—but decades of training can’t stop how his face twitches, lips twisting, eyebrows tightening when he meets familiar eyes, but the gaze couldn’t be more different.
“What’s your name?”
It was late—night like watercolors, hours blending and the atmosphere’s colors bleeding together into some scene of chaotic calm, the alcohol in his system watering down the portrait they created, muting their colors—when they met.
“Does it matter?”
Luke was admittedly drunk, though nowhere near the extent of his company—long and lanky limbs fumbling after him, laughing as he tripped over his feet; the smell of alcohol, smoke, and a light layer of antiseptic coating them as they combined, paintings of destruction folding into each other, creating a symphony of self-loathing—supposedly celebrating a successful case, but his friends had never been subtle about introducing Luke to women they thought were his type.
“No.”
He woke up to an empty bed and morning light streaming through an uncovered window, bathing the half-asleep and hungover man in the same shade of gold he spent the night admiring, pausing to take an uncharacteristic second to get his bearings—Luke seldom sleeps past the sunrise, falling to alert awakeness after a night of fitful rest, the routine only breaking after drinking—before sitting up, listening to muffled swearing drifting through his apartment.
“Hey, you good?”
Muted hazel—irises floating in hardened amber, preserving the unnamed man in Luke’s bathroom and his misery—blinked at him, eyes wide and face flushed red, hands shaking, white-knuckled, clutching a small parcel to his chest.
“Yeah. Yeah, sorry I– I was going to leave before you woke up–”
Luke knows the signs–
“It’s okay. I wasn’t expecting you to wake up before me. I’m an early riser.”
–the shaking and sweating, tripping over words, and unfocused gaze.
“Coffee?”
He knows withdrawal.
“You don’t have to–”
 Almost too well.
“It’s fine; do whatever you need, man.”
“Luke?”
The older agent blinks, a gentle hand resting on his shoulder, pulling Luke out of his thoughts and making eye contact with JJ, her face twisted with concern.
“Is everything okay?”
His gaze flickers around the room, frowning as he makes eye contact with the blonde when he realizes they’re alone, the familiar man—Doctor Spencer Reid—gone.
“Yeah, sorry, it’s been a long few weeks.” He speaks absently, brain finally processing the rest of the conversation, the phone call, and the discrepancies as he watches the genius’ familiar figure cross the bullpen through the meeting room’s windows.
“Don’t worry; I know Spence has ‘an effect,’” JJ smirks, following his gaze to her best friend before looking Luke up and down. “He also has a type.”
Her smug smile morphs into a knowing grin as she collects her files, giving the lost-looking agent a playful pat on the shoulder before walking out.
“Do you need help?”
His hands were always cold in the morning, quivering, body wracked with shakes while Luke made them coffee and pretended everything was okay, that they hadn’t fallen into a routine—scheduled self-destruction—a structure Luke’s life lacked until a nameless addict waltzed into his life.
“You don’t have to–”
The brunette sniffs, unfocused, blood-shot eyes watching the veteran take the syringe from his trembling hands, offering his arm as Luke sits beside him.
“It’s okay.”
The older man assured him, gently disinfecting the crook of his elbow, taking deep breaths as he went through the motions he had watched his company perform countless times, finding a blue vein sticking out, stark against deathly pale and pallid skin.
“Good?”
The relief is almost instant, watching the younger brunette’s body melt into euphoria, limply letting Luke drop the syringe into the red sharps container that moved into his apartment with three vials and a box of needles and syringes, followed by clothes and coffee mugs, books, and CDs, but the drugs came first; they always did.
“I’ll make us some breakfast.”
Leaving the man on his couch, Luke can almost pretend this is normal.
He sets his phone on the counter, humming to his morning playlist as he puts on another pot of coffee and starts making sandwiches, the only food Luke had been able to coax into his “boyfriend”—he doesn’t know the man’s name or what he does during the day, but he knows his nightmares and his body, how the young brunette clings to him and murmurs half-coherent “I love you”s as they fall asleep—and pretends.
He gives the man a name—a different one in every false memory, hoping one feels right—and imagines spending their days together, kissing, cuddling, whatever couples do instead of watching the hallow man on his couch and in his bed wither away.
I’m helping him, Luke tells himself; he’s keeping him safe, monitoring him, making sure he doesn’t become another faceless statistic, a body on the streets, overdosing outside of clubs in the cold.
Savior complex, another voice whispers as he assembles their plates—one sandwich dry, just two pieces of bread and cheese because the man throws up anything else—echoing over repeating self-assurances that he’s doing the right thing.
One of the voices is correct.
Luke isn’t sure which one.
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rainbowhouseplant · 2 months
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YOUR TURN >:O - Name the most important people to this character. All of them. Family and close friends and lovers. - If your character could change one thing about their life, what would it be and why? And, conversely, if they could only save one thing from their life, what would it be? - Someone is hiding something from your character. How do they uncover what it is? for both of them.... my beloved boys....
Questions Here
Name the most important people to this character. All of them. Family and close friends and lovers.
Tiernan-- Skugge. That's it. Not a single person more in the entire world matters to him, or probably ever will. That man is his entire world and without him he'd... ..... let's not find out, shall we?
Zvonimir--This man is the embodiment of golden retriever/eternal tourist energy you think there is a person who isn't important to him?
Uh clearly the entire current adventuring party is important AF and one day he's gonna get to sit and talk with them, one day!!!!!!!, his ex...(?) if you haven't seen someone in nearly twenty years but also never officially broke up What Are You boyfriend, and i guess his mum would also be Very Important People in his life.
(yes his dad was around I am just incapable of writing about more than one parent because that's Unrealistic To Me) Unfortunately because that sort-of-ex-boyfriend was also employed by the household, there was a weird sort of power imbalance there that he really doesn't want to think about. (he's already thought about it. a lot. and will be damned if he repeats That Mistake even though at the time he was young, sheltered, and Didn't Know Better.)
If your character could change one thing about their life, what would it be and why? And, conversely, if they could only save one thing from their life, what would it be? Tiernan-- Ideally, they'd be back home in their cozy little hut, it wouldn't be the second winter in a row, and the event that shattered one of Skugge's horns wouldn't have happened...
but actually change the past? he's got a headache just thinking about that. why would he do that??? to what end would that serve???
( and he's too dumb to think of A Singular Event to "keep" if he was going to participate in this memory exchange. ) Zvonimir-- Nothing. You need to make mistakes to learn from them. What about the events that gave him his scars? Nope. He wouldn't change those stories, either. You need to make mistakes to learn from them.
He wouldn't change anything, and he'd keep everything. Someone is hiding something from your character. How do they uncover what it is? Tiernan-- This is entirely contingent on him wanting said information that this person is hiding. If its something boring like, they wanna fuck him he'd really rather not know thank you very much. If it's, you know, information that's gonna enable him to never have to get on another boat in his entire life???? He's going to Go To The Top first, forget the peons and peasants-- if you can wrap the most powerful one around your words first, that'd going to be how you get the information you want/need.
He's also stupid, so he's going to ask things point-blank. Nuance? Never heard of her. Zvonimir--If it's not anything that's going to put anyone into danger, he simply isn't going to pursue it. People have a right to keep parts of their own stories secret, though he might ask if someone is uncomfortable or some such leading question as that-- it's up to the secondary party whether or not they want to divulge at that prodding or not. and if it's more like, reconnaissance style information, then, go to the little people first, they're going to let more slip in stories and slurs than those who were taught from a young age to keep their tongue in check to uphold appearances.
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halcyon-writings · 2 years
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Hello! I saw your post regarding Dislyte requests. Is so, would you accept Leon x reader? Where reader is drawn to him and tries to become friends, but because he’s distant he doesn’t really care. But then, reader has a breakdown from a mission due to whatever reason and Leon notices going from there 👀
i see gloomy sniper man and go, he's so babygirl
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note: mentions of illusions/hallucinations, leon being leon which i hope isn't ooc bc i haven't rly written for him before, i didn't describe it as a breakdown exactly, but just thought i'd mention it just in case. maybe hurt/comfort (also does anyone still write for dislyte or did i work on the stuff in my inbox too late dksvjsk)
You find Leon cleaning his rifle in the same spot, taking it apart and putting it back together with practiced ease.
His eyes only look up at you for a moment, humming in greeting, hands still occupied. Usually you’d be lucky enough for him to look at you, much less even greet you in his unique Leon way.
“How are your injuries?” You nearly jump out of your skin.
“Pardon?”
“How are your injuries?” He repeats.
Your eyes trail to your hands, mostly uncovered now, the worst you had to deal with now was bruising, and the occasional sore spot here and there.
An unfortunate incident was the official description. Miramon experiments going wrong and surrounding personnel under what could be described as mass hysteria. You were one of the lucky ones, or unlucky maybe, to be lost within your own head, madness shrouding you in comparison to the others that had dealt with much worse injuries in comparison.
What you don’t know is that the sniper was the one to find you, his normal lackadaisical expression gone as he hovered over your form.
The fight was short, laughably so.
But it burned into his memory, your eyes manic as your words were garbled between whispers and shrieks of hysteria. According to Anseidora, when he threatens probes for answers on your condition, the researcher simply says the now dead miramon had the sort of power to force its victims to relieve a memory or see things in order to control people.
In short moments of clarity, what you saw, over and over again, was how you had gotten your powers as an esper. A hush hush thing, only those with the clearance had access to any file that may have existed, enough that it was rumored that Sander himself was just one of two.
Leon normally would have left well enough alone after you were subdued. But an uncomfortable feeling stirred in his chest as you fell. His gaze had lingered on your prone form as you were taken away to be treated. But he had to find out more. Not for his own conscious, of course, but rather to satisfy the growing questions at the back of his mind.
After all, why should he have a need to soothe his conscious? Despite your attempts at cordiality, his own nature left much to be desired and often times downright he could have been ignoring any attempts at interaction past assignments and other missions that you both were assigned under.
(A lie if there ever was one, but it wasn't like he was going to admit that.)
He is giving you just the slightest look of impatience, where his eyebrows furrow just enough to lean away from cool indifference.
"My injuries are fine..." You manage, tugging at your sleeves, your eyes leaving his first.
"I see."
There is a pregnant pause, and you take that as that. Turning to leave the sniper to his devices once more, before a throat clearing stops you.
"It would do no good for you to remain unsupervised while you remain in recovery." This time it's the red haired man's turn to avoid your gaze. You hum in acknowledgement.
"I suppose, though that would best be found in the medical wing, would it not?"
A fair point, he must have realized, as he began to pack his rifle in its case, "Then I shall accompany you there."
You don't hide your surprise this time. An eyebrow arching slightly in question, but it is left unanswered. You supposed you could let him have his way this time.
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meimi-haneoka · 5 months
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I honestly have so many feelings after reading the latest chapter. The characters have all grown so much, and they've really been showing their maturity and growth in handling situations (cough Kaito finally came to his senses) Especially Sakura, who I've grown up with in a way too! From the original series till now, finding it really lovely how she can be genuinely happy for Akiho and Kaito, and their decision to travel (comparing to how she reacted when both Eriol and Syaoran were moving away at the end of the salira card arc) and Kaito. Dear Kaito. He finally came to his senses and apologised. Really glad there was no translation errors for the apology, or I would have been MAD. Haha. Anyway, thank you again for the translation post! After reading it and the latest chapter I had a couple questions.
1. What's the price yukito paid? I dont recall it ever being discussed. He mentioned that it was a secret to Sakura and that's that.
2. In chap 42, (parents day) when Syaoran and Kaito fought, Kaito mentioned something about the future that was divined coming to pass. Did we ever get an explanation for that line?
I think overall they tied up the story so well. It's a very sweet ending for them, but definitely a little sad that they decided to travel (though I understand their reasons) I hope that the extra chaper(?) They show us snippets their new life :)
Side note: I was looking back at the clear cards, and realized that the "dreaming card" is actually named "yumemi" as you mentioned in one of your translation posts. And the MCF eventually turned out to be Lillie!! A powerful yumemi. I like how they added this little detail to uncover!!
Hiii, so glad to receive your ask!!! I'm glad to see you've read the final chapter and were quite satisfied with it! I also really enjoyed observing Sakura's growth along the way, it was amazing. When you're in the middle of it, it feels like she's stuck, she's manipulated by everyone (not only Kaito) because everyone is hiding things from her, but most importantly, she doesn't look like she's really trusting her magic capabilities in the beginning and she's quite "lukewarm" about all of it.
And that was exactly the point.
I will have the opportunity to explore this better in one of my posts because I feel like it's a very important matter that needs to be addressed, but I can already say here that the gradual shift from "maybe it's better to not use the key at all" to "I have dreams, I have strange feelings but it's surely all in my head" to "I will try to follow Syaoran's advice and listen to my intuition more" to "I believe in my power and I will decide what to do now" was really amazing to witness. I feel like it's possible to see it more clearly if you re-read the story all at once. Also, Akiho and Kaito's story was absolutely *pivotal* to her emotional growth too, because someone like her, grown up in the blessing of a loving family and surrounded by kind people, touched for the first time what it means to grow up NOT having those things. Her empathy was the absolute protagonist, in this arc, which made her befriend Akiho almost immediately, as if she could feel that the girl needed friendship desperately. But it's also what made her understand the situation and try all of her best efforts to bring Kaito back for her and make both of them happy. She did also a good job at being more assertive with her loved ones, deciding what to do by herself.
Let's go answering to your questions!
1- Hahaha, EVERYONE is asking about that! No, it wasn't revealed! Either they want to keep this as a fun secret forever, or.....it'll be revealed somewhere else! To be honest, I don't even know if Yukito still got that pact with the Tsukimine Shrine. They absolutely remember about it, but since Kaito had undone that with the rewriting of the world (and Sakura gave her friends only their memories back, she couldn't do much about the discrepancies arised - see Akiho's room) my suspicion is that he's back being his normal self, with no actual contract and no price paid.
2- Not exactly, I think this is one of those things we have to infer by ourselves. Also keep in mind that, if I don't recall incorrectly, that phrasing was from the ENG translation. What I understood from the JP is that Yelan simply had a divination about Sakura, and you know how abstract and vague divinations can be....I choose to believe she only saw that Sakura would be distressed/unhappy by a loss of control over her powers (which is indeed the primary reason why Syaoran did what he did, along with Eriol, he didn't know anything about Kaito coming) and not something more specific. Yeah, I have the same feelings as you, about the YunaAki side of the finale! I really, really hope to see them again somewhere else....And I want to see their new life in the extra chapter, yes!! T_T
Yep, well noted! 😉 the Dreaming Card *really* represented Lilie and not Akiho like Sakura had guessed, the "Yumemi" Japanese name sets it in stone! 😉😆
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katapunberbicara · 8 months
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Accustomed with hard truths
I really appreciate honest people and like being told about truths, but sometimes I do feel uneasy when hearing hard truths about me. It’s happened recently when my friend come to me and say something that might sound spicy in my ear. I was in hurry to complete my task and nearly skipped lunch, he came and said, “you know what? Whether you postpone your lunch or not, your task wouldn’t be finished until right before the deadline.”
Probably I was way too sensitive due to hormonal issue arising when in hungry or due to the work-pressure, I felt so upset inside being told like that. Didn’t he see that I was so busy that I nearly skipped lunch? If he wouldn’t help, at least, he should say something nicer. But, indeed I knew that his statement wasn’t fully wrong. Moreover, I have unhealthy behaviour that when in pressure, I would postpone to eat. Even though a moment later I tried to think in more positive way, but my first response was negative to against him, who said this kind of hard truth that sounded harsh to me at that time.
At the other day, sometimes he would tease me again with these hard truths I would face for years at office. However, thanks to all those hard truths, the first time he reminded me that my duty wouldn’t finish before met the deadline, I then take a pause from work and started eating my meal which was nearly cold. Then I was able to deeply think about these upcoming tasks that I wasn’t paying attention to. At least, now I become more anticipated about what would be coming. And now I really appreciate him for his sharpness and intention to remind in a time often we avoid the confrontation.
Those are several hard truths on my example. Eventhough those examples are simple, but it is hard truths due to my first response that is difficult to accept the truths behind his statement. But, what I want to highlight is, truth sometimes is hard to tell and hard to accept. Even so, you must bear the weight of the truth is. There is one story about the hard truth that I most like. The story about Prophet Yakub and Prophet Yusuf, peace be upon them.
One day, little Yusuf came to his father to tell him about his dream. He dreamt of moon and stars that were prostrating towards him. Prophet Yakup truly knew that it wasn’t only a dream, but the sign that his son, had been chosen by God Almighty. But, being the chosen one also means there are trials that would come along.
Rather than hid the truths, instead he explained the hard truths to a young Yusuf. He was at a such young age had known that he would go through difficult times of his life. But he should go through that to level up himself. It was one of the memory from his childhood to adulthood that he had treasured. A warm message, yet hard truth that strengthened him during ups and downs throughout his life.
Meanwhile most of us would hide the truths from our beloved one, in a reason to protect them from the truths in secrecy. So they could live a life like fantasy, rather than feel the pain from the reality. Until now, I don’t know what action is better because sometimes not knowing anything is a blessing. But sometimes when you are not knowing anything you would feel something is missing. That statement itself has shown how heavy the truth is, hence it needs a wide heart to accept. And hence, I want to say to my gentle heart which is easy to break, be accustomed with hard truths. There is always a reason why the truths uncover to you. And always tell the truth, and be aware of the weight you must carry.
Central Jakarta, 24th August 2023 | ©Hairatunnisa
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ethosiab · 1 year
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Writeblr/Artblr reintro :D
I go by Phoenix or Calcifer, and i use he/she and fi/fire. I'm queer, a minor, and neurodivergent.
A lot of the stuff on here is just oc stuff about my WIPs, and i occasionally post fanart. My main interests are splatoon, undertale/deltarune, TF2, critical role, spiritfarer, the locked tomb series, and hermitcraft/the life series.
When i say writeblr and artblr, i mean i post about my ocs and WIPs and post art, and occasionally ill post a snippet of some writing if im feeling really adventurous.
My main is @cornbread-girlboy, and I follow from there so if you see that in your notifs then its me lol. I also keep a blog for art and writing resources @kiocreative, if that interests you.
dni: bigots, nsfw blogs, harry potter fans
Here's a link to my OC masterpost where I'll link the introductions to each character.
My projects:
Legacy of Evil: In a world where you're born with a power passed down from another through your soul, those with predecessors deemed morally corrupt are shunned and live on the outskirts of society. Jaylyn Ignatius, a teenager who sometimes goes by the name Iggy, is one of 5 special children put through a training program to 'correct' them and make them strong fighters. LoE follows him as he finally escapes this program and navigates his way through a changed city, meeting friends, searching for his parents, and hiding from the government organisation that hates his fucking guts. It's got magyk! It's got changelings! It's got a really weird floating city! It's got arson! It's got a definitely-not-weird-not-immortal-cat!
Déjà Vu: A video game in which 2% of the population is cursed with mutations—odd things about them that make them capable of inhuman acts. Powers. Society views these people as dangerous and in need of being controlled, so when a new school opens up with the supposed goal of aiding students with mutations, and giving them opportunities for their futures, many shun it, but many students are enrolled too, either by parents who want to get rid of their children via boarding school, or by well-meaning parents. You play as Epic, a 15 year old student at this school who woke up on the 14th of March with little memory of who they are and what their mutation is. After finding yourself in detention because you didn't make it to class, you meet Marcus, Mikey, and Marcie. With your newfound friends, you slowly uncover secrets about the school, and a hidden plot. It's got time loops! It's got 4th wall breaking game mechanics! It's about the way you'd do absolutely anything for your friends! It's about perfectionism and burnout!
I Dream of the Distance: Ridley Callis is an 11 year old with 6 siblings who feels a disconnect from every single one. Their obsession with stories and fairytales started with their father, whom was the light in their dark. When he disappears under mysterious circumstances and leaves them lonely, Ridley takes their stories and daydreams and sets out into the world to hunt down their dad. ...Not without attracting the attention of their older brother, Farren, of course, who wanted to come along to keep them safe. Along the way, they find magic, a magician, and find out things about themselves that were perhaps left best uncovered. I'm not going to lie this was an escapist fantasy story inspired by minecraft.
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maebird-melody · 2 years
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Authors were revealed earlier this week for the @solavellanhellexchange. I love the gift I received and I had great fun writing for this exchange as well!
This was my first time participating in a fic exchange event, and the people involved made it a truly great experience. I also may have gotten carried away with how much I wrote.
the road seems too wild for mixing it with blues
 To the rest of the world, for once, he is not Solas, not Fen'Harel, not the Dread Wolf; she is not Lady Lavellan, not the Inquisitor. They are visitors engaged in discovery, and the world will indulge them for just this little while.
-:-:-
Solas walks the earth on a new path, with Lavellan at his side. There is no death on this journey--only life, and limitless pot
Thank you so much @dreadfutures for the wonderful gift!
Now, like I mentioned, I got a bit carried away with the pieces I wrote.
Ea Aron Arlathan
My gift for @midorimaddie
However brief their time together might be, Solas is determined to make the most of it. With the memory of Arlathan still on his mind and his desire to be with Aerwynn growing stronger every day, he decides to take a most dangerous course of action - reenacting the courtship rituals of the Elvhen people.
Uthenera - Fen’Harel Ver Na
My gift for everyone
"I lay in dark and dreaming sleep while countless wars and ages past."
This song blends the Lost Elf Theme and the Thedas Love Theme, and also introduces a new theme of my own devising which can be heard in the opening bars of the piece. This is a programmatic piece, which means that each part of the song represents an unfolding story. For program notes, see the end of this page.
You can also watch the sheet music playback here.
A Wonder
Written for Exalted_Dawn
"It was unlike Alora to shirk her duties. It seemed much more likely to him that she had simply wandered off somewhere, none the wiser to the pressing concerns which had arisen in her absence. And while he didn’t doubt his own capability in finding Alora quickly, he knew someone who would be able to locate her even faster. Someone Varric would never think to ask."
Everyone's looking for the Inquisitor, but no one knows where to find her. When Varric asks Solas to help find her, he asks another friend for help. He'll need to offer some encouragement before Alora is ready to leave her hiding place.
A New Haven
Written for @rosella-writes
"Unlike the blade—a brutish, simple implement worked from a single strip of metal—the hilt was delicate work, crafted from myriad metals coaxed together through careful attention, convinced by skilled hands that they were all one."
Virelan finds solace in smithing. But either fortunately or unfortunately, her time does not go entirely uninterrupted. Perhaps her visitor can help her finish what she started.
Vhenas Eth
Written for @lyriumpotion
Inquisitor Dalla has a secret place she likes to go to escape the pressures of the Inquisition. Only those she trusts are invited in.
To the Thaig
Written for @bluewren
Taliesen has heard news of a long-abandoned thaig that was recently discovered in the Deep Roads. In the hopes of uncovering some useful tools or forgotten technology, she and her companions set out to investigate.
The Wolf Maiden
Written for @alondradina
Solas has been invited to his grandmother's house, but she lives in the woods and as everyone knows, dangerous wolves roam these woods.
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dollycas · 1 month
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#FlashbackFriday featuring Figure Eight: A Northern Lakes Mystery (John Cabrelli Northern Lakes Mysteries) by Jeff Nania #Review / #Giveaway
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On Flashback Fridays I will share with you the books I was not able to review when they were first released that have been screaming at me from my To-Be-Read bookshelf. Figure Eight: A Northern Lakes Mystery (John Cabrelli Northern Lakes Mysteries) Traditional Mystery 1st in Series Setting - Wisconsin Publisher ‏ : ‎ Feet Wet Writing (September 23, 2019) Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 246 pages ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1736337300 ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1736337301 Paperback ‏ : ‎ 274 pages ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1960681060 ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1960681065 Kindle ASIN ‏ : ‎ B07Y9CC3BM A shattered career. A crooked lawyer. An unsolved murder. Seeking peace in the Northwoods is fraught with danger. Every night John Cabrelli relives the tragic events that ended his career. While struggling to find himself again, John inherits his uncle's cabin and returns to the lake where he spent much of his youth. Little does John know that danger waits for him when he uncovers suspicious circumstances of his uncle's death. Few people will talk about it as John unravels a mystery that could forever change the landscape. Dollycas's Thoughts John Cabrelli was a "full-fledged crime fighter" for the Madison, Wisconsin Police Department until a split-second decision ruins his career and changes his life. He was a broken man. After being holed up in what had become a "toxic waste dump" of a house for two months his friends broke in for an intervention. They helped bring back some order to his life but his life needed focus. Then he receives a letter informing him that his uncle had passed away and he was named as the sole heir. He hadn't seen his uncle for quite some time but he has so many great memories of his summers spent in the Northwoods at his uncle's cabin and the lake growing up. Maybe it will be the perfect place to find the clarity he seeks. Upon arrival, he realizes the place has changed, and not for the better. He also learns his uncle's death may not have been an accident. He needs to find the truth not knowing at first the danger he is putting his own life in and what the truth will mean to everyone around him. _____ Mr. Nania takes an unusual route to introduce readers to his main character John Cabrelli. The story has John relaying his recent life to a reporter from a hospital bed. At first, this felt awkward but it worked. It was an interesting twist to the entire story. John was a seasoned by-the-book cop until that one call, one error, one deadly mistake, which shook him to his core. It was easy to get invested in his life. It was also easy to understand him going back into full cop mode to get to the truth about his uncle's death. It's just who he is. Through his recollections, we meet several characters who all seem to be hiding something. They are well crafted and those that I hope will appear in book 2 and beyond have a lot of room for development. There is one character that I unexpectedly enjoyed. Nurse B. Holterman. With my history and hospital stays I know every small town hospital has a Nurse B. Holterman. As John noted, she is tough, sometimes more like a jailer than a caregiver, older and more old-school, but she will do anything to protect her patients and be sure they receive proper care. They are the nurse you want in your corner but you probably don't appreciate them until you are checking out to go home. Mr. Nania's background shows in the tangled-up mystery he has encased his characters in. There are new clues around every turn and John doesn't know who he can trust. He thinks well on his feet which is important when he finds himself in dicey situations, but he gives as good as he gets most of the time. John does get some information from his friends back in Madison which helps bring all the pieces together. That sets up a dangerous, deadly, and shocking showdown. I enjoyed how Mr. Nania details the beauty of the Northwoods in Wisconsin. The included current hot-topic environmental issues that face areas like where the story takes place give the story relevance. Trying to protect the land, water, and wildlife is always a concern. I had purchased the Northern Lakes Mystery Series for my husband who loved them. He told me I had to read them. So now I have read Figure Eight and have Spider Lake moving up on my To-Be-Read stack. I have to give him credit, he was right. I am glad he pushed me to read this book. Figure Eight is a compelling fast-paced story by a writer who writes about what he knows. His law enforcement background as well as his work as a conservationist gives him the knowledge that makes him a credible source to mix real-life happenings with his intriguing mysteries. I am very interested to see how the series continues. *The book does contain explicit language. Your Escape Into A Good Book Travel Agent About the Author Jeff Nania is a former law enforcement officer, writer, conservationist, and biofuel creator. He is the best-selling author of three fiction books, the award-winning Figure Eight (2019), Spider Lake (2020), and Bough Cutter (2021) in his Northern Lakes Mystery series published by Little Creek Press. His narrative non-fiction writing has appeared in Wisconsin Outdoor News, Double Gun Journal, The Outlook, and other publications. Jeff was born and raised in Wisconsin. His family settled in Madison's storied Greenbush neighborhood. His father often loaded Jeff, his brothers, and a couple of dogs into an old jeep station wagon and set out for outdoor adventures. These experiences were foundational for developing a sense of community, a passion for outdoor traditions, and a love of our natural resources. Jeff has been recognized locally, statewide, and nationally. Outdoor Life Magazine named him as one of the nation's 25 most influential conservationists, and he received the National Wetlands Award for his wetland restoration work. The Wisconsin Senate commended Jeff with a Joint Resolution for his work with wetlands, education, and as a non-partisan advisor on natural resources. Now a full-time novelist, Jeff spends as much time as possible exploring outdoor Wisconsin with his friends and family. Website - Facebook - X - Instagram  I am giving away 1 Kindle Copy of Figure Eight! The contest is open to anyone over 18 years old. Duplicate entries will be deleted. Void where prohibited. You do not have to be a follower to enter but I hope you will find something you like here and become a follower. Followers Will Receive 2 Bonus Entries For Each Way They Follow. Plus 2 Bonus Entries For Following My Facebook Fan Page. Add this book to your WANT TO READ shelf on GoodReads for 3 Bonus Entries. Pin this giveaway to Pinterest for 3 Bonus Entries. If you share the giveaway on Threads, X, or Facebook or anywhere you will receive 5 Bonus Entries For Each Link. The  Contest Will End April 5, at 11:59 PM CST The Winner Will Be Chosen By Random.org The Winner Will Be Notified By Email and Will Be Posted Here In The Sidebar. Click Here For Entry Form *Amazon Purchase Read the full article
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14th January >> Mass Readings (Except USA)
Saturday, First Week in Ordinary Time 
or
Saturday memorial of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
Saturday, First Week in Ordinary Time 
(Liturgical Colour: Green)
First Reading Hebrews 4:12-16 Let us be confident in approaching the throne of grace.
The word of God is something alive and active: it cuts like any double-edged sword but more finely: it can slip through the place where the soul is divided from the spirit, or joints from the marrow; it can judge the secret emotions and thoughts. No created thing can hide from him; everything is uncovered and open to the eyes of the one to whom we must give account of ourselves. Since in Jesus, the Son of God, we have the supreme high priest who has gone through to the highest heaven, we must never let go of the faith that we have professed. For it is not as if we had a high priest who was incapable of feeling our weaknesses with us; but we have one who has been tempted in every way that we are, though he is without sin. Let us be confident, then, in approaching the throne of grace, that we shall have mercy from him and find grace when we are in need of help.
The Word of the Lord
R/ Thanks be to God.
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 18(19):8-10,15
R/ Your words are spirit, Lord, and they are life.
The law of the Lord is perfect, it revives the soul. The rule of the Lord is to be trusted, it gives wisdom to the simple.
R/ Your words are spirit, Lord, and they are life.
The precepts of the Lord are right, they gladden the heart. The command of the Lord is clear, it gives light to the eyes.
R/ Your words are spirit, Lord, and they are life.
The fear of the Lord is holy, abiding for ever. The decrees of the Lord are truth and all of them just.
R/ Your words are spirit, Lord, and they are life.
May the spoken words of my mouth, the thoughts of my heart, win favour in your sight, O Lord, my rescuer, my rock!
R/ Your words are spirit, Lord, and they are life.
Gospel Acclamation Psalm 118:36,29
Alleluia, alleluia! Bend my heart to your will, O Lord, and teach me your law. Alleluia!
Or: Luke 4:17
Alleluia, alleluia! The Lord has sent me to bring the good news to the poor, to proclaim liberty to captives. Alleluia!
Gospel Mark 2:13-17 Your light must shine in the sight of men.
Jesus went out to the shore of the lake; and all the people came to him, and he taught them. As he was walking on he saw Levi the son of Alphaeus, sitting by the customs house, and he said to him, ‘Follow me.’ And he got up and followed him. When Jesus was at dinner in his house, a number of tax collectors and sinners were also sitting at the table with Jesus and his disciples; for there were many of them among his followers. When the scribes of the Pharisee party saw him eating with sinners and tax collectors, they said to his disciples, ‘Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?’ When Jesus heard this he said to them, ‘It is not the healthy who need the doctor, but the sick. I did not come to call the virtuous, but sinners.’
The Gospel of the Lord
R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
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Saturday memorial of the Blessed Virgin Mary 
(Liturgical Colour: White)
(Readings for the memorial)
(There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Saturday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise)
Either:
First Reading Genesis 3:9-15,20 The mother of all those who live.
After Adam had eaten of the tree the Lord God called to him. ‘Where are you?’ he asked. ‘I heard the sound of you in the garden;’ he replied ‘I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.’ ‘Who told you that you were naked?’ he asked ‘Have you been eating of the tree I forbade you to eat?’ The man replied, ‘It was the woman you put with me; she gave me the fruit, and I ate it.’ Then the Lord God asked the woman, ‘What is this you have done?’ The woman replied, ‘The serpent tempted me and I ate.’ Then the Lord God said to the serpent, ‘Because you have done this,
‘Be accursed beyond all cattle, all wild beasts. You shall crawl on your belly and eat dust every day of your life. I will make you enemies of each other: you and the woman, your offspring and her offspring. It will crush your head and you will strike its heel.’
The man named his wife ‘Eve’ because she was the mother of all those who live.
The Word of the Lord
R/ Thanks be to God.
OR: --------
First reading Genesis 12:1-7 All the tribes of the earth shall bless themselves by you
The Lord said to Abram, ‘Leave your country, your family and your father’s house, for the land I will show you. I will make you a great nation; I will bless you and make your name so famous that it will be used as a blessing.
‘I will bless those who bless you: I will curse those who slight you. All the tribes of the earth shall bless themselves by you.’
So Abram went as the Lord told him, and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he left Haran. Abram took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had amassed and the people they had acquired in Haran. They set off for the land of Canaan, and arrived there. Abram passed through the land as far as Shechem’s holy place, the Oak of Moreh. At that time the Canaanites were in the land. The Lord appeared to Abram and said, ‘It is to your descendants that I will give this land.’ So Abram built there an altar for the Lord who had appeared to him.
OR: --------
First reading 2 Samuel 7:1-5,8-11,16 The Lord will make you great; the Lord will make you a House
Once David had settled into his house and the Lord had given him rest from all the enemies surrounding him, the king said to the prophet Nathan, ‘Look, I am living in a house of cedar while the ark of God dwells in a tent.’ Nathan said to the king, ‘Go and do all that is in your mind, for the Lord is with you.’ But that very night the word of the Lord came to Nathan: ‘Go and tell my servant David, “Thus the Lord speaks: Are you the man to build me a house to dwell in? I took you from the pasture, from following the sheep, to be leader of my people Israel; I have been with you on all your expeditions; I have cut off all your enemies before you. I will give you fame as great as the fame of the greatest on earth. I will provide a place for my people Israel; I will plant them there and they shall dwell in that place and never be disturbed again; nor shall the wicked continue to oppress them as they did, in the days when I appointed judges over my people Israel; I will give them rest from all their enemies. The Lord will make you great; the Lord will make you a House. Your House and your sovereignty will always stand secure before me and your throne be established for ever.”’
OR: --------
First reading 1 Chronicles 15:3-4,15-16,16:1-2 They brought in the ark of God and put it inside the tent that David had pitched for it
David gathered all Israel together to bring the ark of God up to the place he had prepared for it. David called together the sons of Aaron and the sons of Levi. And the Levites carried the ark of God with the shafts on their shoulders, as Moses had ordered in accordance with the word of the Lord. David then told the heads of the Levites to assign duties for their kinsmen as cantors, with their various instruments of music, harps and lyres and cymbals, to play joyful tunes. They brought the ark of God in and put it inside the tent that David had pitched for it; and they offered holocausts before God, and communion sacrifices. And when David had finished offering holocausts and communion sacrifices, he blessed the people in the name of the Lord.
OR: --------
First reading Proverbs 8:22-31 Before the earth came into being, Wisdom was born
The Wisdom of God cries aloud:
The Lord created me when his purpose first unfolded, before the oldest of his works. From everlasting I was firmly set, from the beginning, before earth came into being. The deep was not, when I was born, there were no springs to gush with water. Before the mountains were settled, before the hills, I came to birth; before he made the earth, the countryside, or the first grains of the world’s dust. When he fixed the heavens firm, I was there, when he drew a ring on the surface of the deep, when he thickened the clouds above, when he fixed fast the springs of the deep, when he assigned the sea its boundaries  – and the waters will not invade the shore – when he laid down the foundations of the earth, I was by his side, a master craftsman, delighting him day after day, ever at play in his presence, at play everywhere in his world, delighting to be with the sons of men.
OR: --------
First reading Ecclesiasticus 24:1-4,8-12,18-21 From eternity, in the beginning, God created wisdom
Wisdom speaks her own praises, in the midst of her people she glories in herself. She opens her mouth in the assembly of the Most High, she glories in herself in the presence of the Mighty One: ‘I came forth from the mouth of the Most High, and I covered the earth like a mist. I had my tent in the heights, and my throne in a pillar of cloud. Then the creator of all things instructed me, and he who created me fixed a place for my tent. He said, “Pitch your tent in Jacob, make Israel your inheritance.” From eternity, in the beginning, he created me, and for eternity I shall remain. I ministered before him in the holy tabernacle, and thus was I established on Zion. In the beloved city he has given me rest, and in Jerusalem I wield my authority. I have taken root in a privileged people, in the Lord’s property, in his inheritance. Approach me, you who desire me, and take your fill of my fruits, for memories of me are sweeter than honey, inheriting me is sweeter than the honeycomb. They who eat me will hunger for more, they who drink me will thirst for more. Whoever listens to me will never have to blush, whoever acts as I dictate will never sin.’
OR: --------
First reading Isaiah 7:10-14,8:10 The maiden is with child
The Lord spoke to Ahaz and said, ‘Ask the Lord your God for a sign for yourself coming either from the depths of Sheol or from the heights above.’ ‘No,’ Ahaz answered ‘I will not put the Lord to the test.’ Then Isaiah said:
‘Listen now, House of David: are you not satisfied with trying the patience of men without trying the patience of my God, too? The Lord himself, therefore, will give you a sign. It is this: the maiden is with child and will soon give birth to a son whom she will call Immanuel, a name which means “God-is-with-us.”’
OR: --------
First reading Isaiah 9:1-6 A Son is given to us
The people that walked in darkness has seen a great light; on those who live in a land of deep shadow a light has shone. You have made their gladness greater, you have made their joy increase; they rejoice in your presence as men rejoice at harvest time, as men are happy when they are dividing the spoils.
For the yoke that was weighing on him, the bar across his shoulders, the rod of his oppressor, these you break as on the day of Midian.
For all the footgear of battle, every cloak rolled in blood, is burnt, and consumed by fire.
For there is a child born for us, a son given to us and dominion is laid on his shoulders; and this is the name they give him: Wonder-Counsellor, Mighty-God, Eternal-Father, Prince-of-Peace.
OR: --------
First reading Isaiah 61:9-11 I exult for joy in the Lord
Their race will be famous throughout the nations, their descendants throughout the peoples. All who see them will admit that they are a race whom the Lord has blessed.
‘I exult for joy in the Lord, my soul rejoices in my God, for he has clothed me in the garments of salvation, he has wrapped me in the cloak of integrity, like a bridegroom wearing his wreath, like a bride adorned in her jewels.
‘For as the earth makes fresh things grow, as a garden makes seeds spring up, so will the Lord make both integrity and praise spring up in the sight of the nations.’
OR: --------
First reading Micah 5:1-4 He will stand and feed his flock with the power of the Lord
The Lord says this:
But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, the least of the clans of Judah, out of you will be born for me the one who is to rule over Israel; his origin goes back to the distant past, to the days of old. The Lord is therefore going to abandon them till the time when she who is to give birth gives birth. Then the remnant of his brothers will come back to the sons of Israel. He will stand and feed his flock with the power of the Lord, with the majesty of the name of his God. They will live secure, for from then on he will extend his power to the ends of the land. He himself will be peace.
OR: --------
First reading Zechariah 2:14-17 'I am coming', says the Lord
Sing, rejoice, daughter of Zion; for I am coming to dwell in the middle of you – it is the Lord who speaks. Many nations will join the Lord, on that day; they will become his people. But he will remain among you, and you will know that the Lord of Hosts has sent me to you. But the Lord will hold Judah as his portion in the Holy Land, and again make Jerusalem his very own. Let all mankind be silent before the Lord! For he is awaking and is coming from his holy dwelling.
EITHER: --------
Responsorial Psalm 1 Samuel 2:1,4-8
My heart exults in the Lord my Saviour.
My heart exults in the Lord. I find my strength in my God; my mouth laughs at my enemies as I rejoice in your saving help.
My heart exults in the Lord my Saviour.
The bows of the mighty are broken, but the weak are clothed with strength. Those with plenty must labour for bread, but the hungry need work no more. The childless wife has children now but the fruitful wife bears no more.
My heart exults in the Lord my Saviour.
It is the Lord who gives life and death, he brings men to the grave and back; it is the Lord who gives poverty and riches. He brings men low and raises them on high.
My heart exults in the Lord my Saviour.
He lifts up the lowly from the dust, from the dungheap he raises the poor to set him in the company of princes to give him a glorious throne. For the pillars of the earth are the Lord’s, on them he has set the world.
My heart exults in the Lord my Saviour.
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Judith 13:18a-19
You are the highest honour of our race!
May you be blessed, my daughter, by God Most High, beyond all women on earth; and may the Lord God be blessed, the Creator of heaven and earth.
You are the highest honour of our race!
The trust you have shown shall not pass from the memories of men, but shall ever remind them of the power of God.
You are the highest honour of our race!
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 44(45):11-12,14-17
Listen, O daughter, give ear to my words.
Listen, O daughter, give ear to my words: forget your own people and your father’s house. So will the king desire your beauty: He is your lord, pay homage to him.
Listen, O daughter, give ear to my words.
The daughter of the king is clothed with splendour, her robes embroidered with pearls set in gold. She is led to the king with her maiden companions.
Listen, O daughter, give ear to my words.
They are escorted amid gladness and joy; they pass within the palace of the king. Sons shall be yours in place of your fathers: you will make them princes over all the earth.
Listen, O daughter, give ear to my words.
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 112(113):1-7
May the name of the Lord be blessed for evermore! or Alleluia!
Praise, O servants of the Lord, praise the name of the Lord! May the name of the Lord be blessed both now and for evermore!
May the name of the Lord be blessed for evermore! or Alleluia!
From the rising of the sun to its setting praised be the name of the Lord! High above all nations is the Lord, above the heavens his glory.
May the name of the Lord be blessed for evermore! or Alleluia!
Who is like the Lord, our God, who has risen on high to his throne yet stoops from the heights to look down, to look down upon heaven and earth? From the dust he lifts up the lowly, from the dungheap he raises the poor
May the name of the Lord be blessed for evermore! or Alleluia!
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Luke 1:46-55
The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy is his name! or Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who bore the Son of the eternal Father.
My soul glorifies the Lord, my spirit rejoices in God, my Saviour.
The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy is his name! or Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who bore the Son of the eternal Father.
He looks on his servant in her nothingness; henceforth all ages will call me blessed. The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy his name!
The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy is his name! or Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who bore the Son of the eternal Father.
His mercy is from age to age, on those who fear him. He puts forth his arm in strength and scatters the proud-hearted.
The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy is his name! or Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who bore the Son of the eternal Father.
He casts the mighty from their thrones and raises the lowly. He fills the starving with good things, sends the rich away empty.
The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy is his name! or Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who bore the Son of the eternal Father.
He protects Israel, his servant, remembering his mercy, the mercy promised to our fathers, to Abraham and his sons for ever.
The Almighty works marvels for me. Holy is his name! or Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who bore the Son of the eternal Father.
Gospel Acclamation cf.Lk1:28
Alleluia, alleluia! Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee! Blessed art thou among women. Alleluia!
Or: cf.Lk1:45
Alleluia, alleluia! Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who believed that the promise made her by the Lord would be fulfilled. Alleluia!
Or: cf.Lk2:19
Alleluia, alleluia! Blessed is the Virgin Mary, who treasured the word of God and pondered it in her heart. Alleluia!
Or: Lk11:28
Alleluia, alleluia! Happy are those who hear the word of God and keep it. Alleluia!
Or:
Alleluia, alleluia! Blessed are you, holy Virgin Mary, and most worthy of all praise, for the sun of justice, Christ our God, was born of you. Alleluia!
Or:
Alleluia, alleluia! Happy is the Virgin Mary, who, without dying, won the palm of martyrdom beneath the cross of the Lord. Alleluia!
EITHER: --------
Gospel Matthew 1:1-16,18-23 The ancestry and conception of Jesus Christ
A genealogy of Jesus Christ, son of David, son of Abraham:
Abraham was the father of Isaac, Isaac the father of Jacob, Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers, Judah was the father of Perez and Zerah, Tamar being their mother, Perez was the father of Hezron, Hezron the father of Ram, Ram was the father of Amminadab, Amminadab the father of Nahshon, Nahshon the father of Salmon, Salmon was the father of Boaz, Rahab being his mother, Boaz was the father of Obed, Ruth being his mother, Obed was the father of Jesse; and Jesse was the father of King David.
David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah’s wife, Solomon was the father of Rehoboam, Rehoboam the father of Abijah, Abijah the father of Asa, Asa was the father of Jehoshaphat, Jehoshaphat the father of Joram, Joram the father of Azariah, Azariah was the father of Jotham, Jotham the father of Ahaz, Ahaz the father of Hezekiah, Hezekiah was the father of Manasseh, Manasseh the father of Amon, Amon the father of Josiah; and Josiah was the father of Jechoniah and his brothers. Then the deportation to Babylon took place.
After the deportation to Babylon: Jechoniah was the father of Shealtiel, Shealtiel the father of Zerubbabel, Zerubbabel was the father of Abiud, Abiud the father of Eliakim, Eliakim the father of Azor, Azor was the father of Zadok, Zadok the father of Achim, Achim the father of Eliud, Eliud was the father of Eleazar, Eleazar the father of Matthan, Matthan the father of Jacob; and Jacob was the father of Joseph the husband of Mary; of her was born Jesus who is called Christ.
This is how Jesus Christ came to be born. His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph; but before they came to live together she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Her husband Joseph; being a man of honour and wanting to spare her publicity, decided to divorce her informally. He had made up his mind to do this when the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, ‘Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because she has conceived what is in her by the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son and you must name him Jesus, because he is the one who is to save his people from their sins.’ Now all this took place to fulfil the words spoken by the Lord through the prophet:
The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son and they will call him Emmanuel,
a name which means ‘God-is-with-us.’
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 1:18-23 How Jesus Christ came to be born
This is how Jesus Christ came to be born. His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph; but before they came to live together she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Her husband Joseph; being a man of honour and wanting to spare her publicity, decided to divorce her informally. He had made up his mind to do this when the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, ‘Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because she has conceived what is in her by the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son and you must name him Jesus, because he is the one who is to save his people from their sins.’ Now all this took place to fulfil the words spoken by the Lord through the prophet:
The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son and they will call him Emmanuel,
a name which means ‘God-is-with-us.’
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 2:13-15,19-23 The flight into Egypt and the return to Nazareth
After the wise men had left, the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, ‘Get up, take the child and his mother with you, and escape into Egypt, and stay there until I tell you, because Herod intends to search for the child and do away with him.’ So Joseph got up and, taking the child and his mother with him, left that night for Egypt, where he stayed until Herod was dead. This was to fulfil what the Lord had spoken through the prophet:
I called my son out of Egypt.
After Herod’s death, the angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt and said, ‘Get up, take the child and his mother with you and go back to the land of Israel, for those who wanted to kill the child are dead.’ So Joseph got up and, taking the child and his mother with him, went back to the land of Israel. But when he learnt that Archelaus had succeeded his father Herod as ruler of Judaea he was afraid to go there, and being warned in a dream he left for the region of Galilee. There he settled in a town called Nazareth. In this way the words spoken through the prophets were to be fulfilled:
‘He will be called a Nazarene.’
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 12:46-50 My mother and my brothers are anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven
Jesus was speaking to the crowds when his mother and his brothers appeared; they were standing outside and were anxious to have a word with him. But to the man who told him this Jesus replied, ‘Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?’ And stretching out his hand towards his disciples he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven, he is my brother and sister and mother.’
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 1:26-38 'I am the handmaid of the Lord'
The angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man named Joseph, of the House of David; and the virgin’s name was Mary. He went in and said to her, ‘Rejoice, so highly favoured! The Lord is with you.’ She was deeply disturbed by these words and asked herself what this greeting could mean, but the angel said to her, ‘Mary, do not be afraid; you have won God’s favour. Listen! You are to conceive and bear a son, and you must name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David; he will rule over the House of Jacob for ever and his reign will have no end.’ Mary said to the angel, ‘But how can this come about, since I am a virgin?’ ‘The Holy Spirit will come upon you’ the angel answered ‘and the power of the Most High will cover you with its shadow. And so the child will be holy and will be called Son of God. Know this too: your kinswoman Elizabeth has, in her old age, herself conceived a son, and she whom people called barren is now in her sixth month, for nothing is impossible to God.’ ‘I am the handmaid of the Lord,’ said Mary ‘let what you have said be done to me.’ And the angel left her.
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 1:39-47 Blessed is she who believed the promise
Mary set out and went as quickly as she could to a town in the hill country of Judah. She went into Zechariah’s house and greeted Elizabeth. Now as soon as Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the child leapt in her womb and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. She gave a loud cry and said, ‘Of all women you are the most blessed, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. Why should I be honoured with a visit from the mother of my Lord? For the moment your greeting reached my ears, the child in my womb leapt for joy. Yes, blessed is she who believed that the promise made her by the Lord would be fulfilled.’ And Mary said:
‘My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord and my spirit exults in God my saviour.’
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 2:1-14 'In the town of David a saviour has been born to you'
Caesar Augustus issued a decree for a census of the whole world to be taken. This census – the first – took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria, and everyone went to his own town to be registered. So Joseph set out from the town of Nazareth in Galilee and travelled up to Judaea, to the town of David called Bethlehem, since he was of David’s House and line, in order to be registered together with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. While they were there the time came for her to have her child, and she gave birth to a son, her first born. She wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger because there was no room for them at the inn. In the countryside close by there were shepherds who lived in the fields and took it in turns to watch their flocks during the night. The angel of the Lord appeared to them and the glory of the Lord shone round them. They were terrified, but the angel said, ‘Do not be afraid. Listen, I bring you news of great joy, a joy to be shared by the whole people. Today in the town of David a saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. And here is a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.’ And suddenly with the angel there was a great throng of the heavenly host, praising God and singing:
‘Glory to God in the highest heaven, and peace to men who enjoy his favour.’
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 2:15-19 The shepherds hurried to Bethlehem and found the baby lying in the manger
Now when the angels had gone from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, ‘Let us go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.’ So they hurried away and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. When they saw the child they repeated what they had been told about him, and everyone who heard it was astonished at what the shepherds had to say. As for Mary, she treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart.
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 2:27-35 'A sword will pierce your soul too'
Prompted by the Spirit Simeon came to the Temple; and when the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the Law required, he took him into his arms and blessed God; and he said:
‘Now, Master, you can let your servant go in peace, just as you promised; because my eyes have seen the salvation which you have prepared for all the nations to see, a light to enlighten the pagans and the glory of your people Israel.’
As the child’s father and mother stood there wondering at the things that were being said about him, Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, ‘You see this child: he is destined for the fall and for the rising of many in Israel, destined to be a sign that is rejected – and a sword will pierce your own soul too – so that the secret thoughts of many may be laid bare.’
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 2:41-52 Mary stored up all these things in her heart
Every year the parents of Jesus used to go to Jerusalem for the feast of the Passover. When he was twelve years old, they went up for the feast as usual. When they were on their way home after the feast, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem without his parents knowing it. They assumed he was with the caravan, and it was only after a day’s journey that they went to look for him among their relations and acquaintances. When they failed to find him they went back to Jerusalem looking for him everywhere. Three days later, they found him in the Temple, sitting among the doctors, listening to them, and asking them questions; and all those who heard him were astounded at his intelligence and his replies. They were overcome when they saw him, and his mother said to him, ‘My child, why have, you done this to us? See how worried your father and I have been, looking for you.’ ‘Why were you looking for me?’ he replied. ‘Did you not know that I must be busy with my Father’s affairs?’ But they did not understand what he meant. He then went down with them and came to Nazareth and lived under their authority. His mother stored up all these things in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom, in stature, and in favour with God and men.
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 11:27-28 'Happy the womb that bore you and the breasts you sucked!'
As Jesus was speaking, a woman in the crowd raised her voice and said, ‘Happy the womb that bore you and the breasts you sucked!’ But he replied, ‘Still happier those who hear the word of God and keep it!’
OR: --------
Gospel John 2:1-11 'My hour has not come yet' - 'Do whatever he tells you'
There was a wedding at Cana in Galilee. The mother of Jesus was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited. When they ran out of wine, since the wine provided for the wedding was all finished, the mother of Jesus said to him, ‘They have no wine.’ Jesus said ‘Woman, why turn to me? My hour has not come yet.’ His mother said to the servants, ‘Do whatever he tells you.’ There were six stone water jars standing there, meant for the ablutions that are customary among the Jews: each could hold twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, ‘Fill the jars with water’, and they filled them to the brim. ‘Draw some out now’ he told them ‘and take it to the steward.’ They did this; the steward tasted the water, and it had turned into wine. Having no idea where it came from – only the servants who had drawn the water knew – the steward called the bridegroom and said, ‘People generally serve the best wine first, and keep the cheaper sort till the guests have had plenty to drink; but you have kept the best wine till now.’ This was the first of the signs given by Jesus: it was given at Cana in Galilee. He let his glory be seen, and his disciples believed in him.
Or:
Gospel John 19:25-27 'Woman, this is your son'.
Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary of Magdala. Seeing his mother and the disciple he loved standing near her, Jesus said to his mother, ‘Woman, this is your son.’ Then to the disciple he said, ‘This is your mother.’ And from that moment the disciple made a place for her in his home.
The Gospel of the Lord
R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
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euphoriyoongi · 2 years
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🍓dirty. // jhs mini-series
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🍓Episode 01
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🍓Summary ⇢ You’re an internationally-praised idol and Hoseok is your biggest fan who runs a fan page. You follow it secretly and find out all the dirty things he wants to do to you, and also might’ve uncovered pieces of your forgotten past. With all of the dirty things, there were also the sweet feelings you never knew someone could hold for you.
🍓Pairing ⇢ fan!hoseok x idol!reader
🍓Word Count ⇢ 6.6k
🍓Warnings ⇢ mental health issues, talk of abuse (physical abuse, mental abuse) bad drinking habits, language
🍓Story Tags ⇢ social media, stanning, idol, bisexual reader, tattooed reader, sex, dressing room sex, celebrity crush, teasing, a bunch more, hard sex, anger, abusive ex, loss of memory from childhood, no label relationship, long lost siblings, heartbreak, car accident
mini-series m.list
dirty m.list
| intro | one | two | three | four | five |
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You've always wondered to yourself about what you would do if you became famous.
For what reason? What talent? What looks? What was so interesting about you to win the hearts of those watching?
You've always been so hard on yourself. Every time you would look in the mirror, you'd feel the need to change something. Whether you didn't like your hairstyle or the color of your eyes, maybe it was the want to edit your body like it was some video game. All in all, you were never happy with yourself.
So why on earth did you become famous? Was it destined? Or were you talented enough?
Growing up as a dancer, you felt that the only way to reach your potential entirely was to become an idol. At the young age of seventeen, you entered a trainee program at one of Korea's smallest entertainment companies.
There were plenty of hardships. Whether they had an issue with your attitude or your tattoos, they told you to remove them, that no one would want to look at you because of them. After that, you didn't think you'd get anywhere, but here you are reaching the age of twenty-four, standing in front of thousands of people on a stage in a haze of fame.
Regardless of fame, you still look at yourself negatively. With no positive thoughts roaming around your mind, it always left your confidence dangling on a string like bait on a fishing rod. There was nothing but irritation behind your eyes, that is, unless you were dancing.
Dancing has always been your outlet whenever you would struggle. As a kid, you dreamed of becoming a world-recognized dancer, and you always wanted to backup dance for famous American artists, but your future took a turn when you decided to become an idol.
And as an idol, you sang your heart out. Between sleepless nights and sore throats, falling asleep in the practice rooms and breakfasts in communal kitchens, the place ended up being a better home than the one you grew up in.
Despite your outer appearance, you had a shy heart that you weren't willing to give up easily. You had no chance to date anyone before your debut, and now years later, you couldn't even dare to be seen with someone of the opposite sex, which you found funny, since you found girls attractive as well.
And despite all the attention to stay away from romantic relationships, you did it in spite and got together with a rapper, who ended up being a terrible partner. He was abusive and irresponsible, but the public actually liked you two together, and now your once happy company forced you to stay in the unhealthy relationship.
All of that brings you to the current moment, standing on stage in front of thousands of people, hiding your bruises with makeup and tight clothing. Your personality had been washed away to please the world, and you were sure there was no hope to rediscover yourself. All of your hope vanished, and you just wanted to close your eyes and fall into the darkness.
With nowhere to hide, you stood with as much masqueraded confidence you could manage. All of these people in front of you believe that they know you: your favorite color, your favorite food. The faces you make when you're happy, and the scrunch of your nose when you're disgusted. They believe everything they see and hear about you, and that was the problem. It's not that you didn't want them to know you, you just wished to show who you really are—although that person is long gone.
As you blew one last kiss to your fans, you exited the stage in hurried breaths, and you found your dressing room. No matter how much fun you have at concerts and how many smiles you show, it was never enough to fill the void of reality. And all they say to you is that you should be grateful for your situation. You have fame, money, a sexy boyfriend. You have confidence, spunk, and a dazzling apartment in the center of the city. What more could you want? They'd compare you to other idols and actors and say how much prettier you are, or how talented you are. Everything was always a competition, and it left you no room to navigate through your own sea of ideas.
You flopped down onto the plush couch with an aggressive sigh. Your hair was a mess, and your makeup was itching your face. It was as if it was a mask, and you could never take it off. They cover up your tattoos with clothing and jewelry, and as if that was the only thing left that is visible to your persona. They couldn't physically take your tattoos away, but damn they tried their best.
After you finally caught your breath, you were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. The door thrashed open without as much as a "come in", revealing your manager who looked as if he could kill. "Y/n, that was horrible. Absolutely terrible." He hissed at you as the door slammed behind him, and you stared up at the ceiling. "You know how many times I've told you not to take of your jacket, you cant flaunt your tattoos as if its normal."
You kept quiet, your eyes burning a hole into the ceiling. You tuned out the conversation and left him rant and rant until you heard him growl your name. "Y/n? Did you even listen to a single word? Get the hell up and change. You have rehearsal tomorrow morning for the next concert."
Your manager Kim Hong-Shi wasn't always like this. When you debuted, he handed you anything you ever wanted and encouraged you to be the best that you could be. Things changed when he was threatened to be fired for standing up for your choice to get tattoos, and of course he melted into management's wishes and followed their words. Thus, that left you here as you looked into his sorrowful eyes. "Yes, Mr. Kim."
He sighed and nodded towards you, and walked out of the stuffy room. You felt the world crushing on you at every second of your life, and you wished there was an outlet to peace. You wanted to communicate with your fans, but all of the toxicity of antis and narcissists took over the platforms. Every time you would look at a picture or an article about you, there would be malicious comments about how you've lost so much weight, or how you should kill yourself because there's no reason you should live. For goodness sake, you didn't want to live in the first place, and those comments certainly didn't help your psyche.
The rest of the night was a blur. You wanted to drink, but you couldn't. You wanted to cry, but you couldn't. You haven't cried in years, lost in the fame. Sometimes you'd even second guess the severity of your issues and tell yourself you are being unrealistic. Why dont you want to live? You have everything going for you. Your problems aren't worth shit, you're just being a baby. Maybe its the comments you get on your posts, their words hit you harder than your abusive boyfriend. Oh, and if you ever exposed his issues, you were as good as dead.
He scared you to the point of no return. You had a fear of every man around you, and it was all because of him. You couldn't let any man touch you, stand close to you, or even smile at you. People thought you were a brat, but in reality, it was your own suffering and fear of being abused.
You ended the day with a sleepless night and dry eyes.
"One, two, three and—" you muttered to yourself as your body moved gracefully. It was the next day—five in the morning. You forced yourself to get out of the comfort of your own bed and now you were here, running through your hardest dance you always seemed to mess up. It was still dark out, the morning sun didn't break the horizon yet. It felt like the darkness was eternity, and you weren't sure if you liked that feeling or not. Either way you ignored your pull to the darkness and carried on with the only thing that sparked happiness.
As you slid across the floor, your ankle gave out from underneath you, and sent you tumbling to the ground like a bag of bricks. You hissed in pain and laid there for a moment, the sound of your heavy breaths intertwining with the beat of the music. Once again you found yourself looking up at the ceiling, lost in your own thoughts. All you wanted to do was light a match and burn every negative thought that came to mind, and since that was impossible, the only way to distract yourself was to keep on dancing.
You sat up with a sigh as soon as your breaths calmed down, and tossed yourself up onto your feet despite the ache in your ankle. You kept going and going until you couldn't no more, and as the bright sun rose through the morning fog, you turned off your music and walked over to your duffel bag. You slid off the sweat-stained t-shirt you were wearing, leaving you only in your sports bra. You quickly tossed on your spare shirt and slid on your slides. As you made your way out of the mirrored room, you reached for the door that was opened right out of your grasp. A boy with long black hair stood tall in front of you, and you looked up into his eyes. You noticed his tattooed hand at the same time he noticed yours, and you offered him a soft smile.
He looked tired and worn out, half of his face covered in a mask that matched the darkness of his hair. You noticed the hopeful glimmer in his eyes that seemed to resemble yours, and you had to do a double take. He bowed respectfully and stepped to the side so you could exit, and you bowed back as you walked through. He must've been a trainee, you were sure you haven't seen him anywhere else, and you would've remembered someone so similar to you.
Your manager caught the sight of you and frantically ran to your side. "Y/n, your rehearsal doesn't start until seven. You know you aren't supposed to be traveling without your body guards."
You sighed and continued to walk ahead while he was shuffling papers in his hands. His thinning hair was greasy and his eyes were bloodshot. Was there a possibility of something being wrong? You stopped in your tracks and he slid to a halt next to you. "Mr. Kim?" You raised an eyebrow and turned to him. "What happened this time that I don't know about?"
You could've sworn you saw a drip of sweat fall from his brow. "What do you mean? There's nothing wrong." He chuckled heavily and you crossed your arms in protest.
"I know there is, I can read you like a damn book." You groaned and started to walk again with him in tow. "So you better tell me before I go online."
He sighed as his footsteps picked up speed. "It's nothing more than sasaengs and antis online. It's just getting a bit out of hand."
You nodded and turned into the stairwell with Mr. Kim in tow. "Okay, what are they claiming this time?"
He paused. "There's a few. Do you want me to tell you all of it?" He glanced into your eyes with worry and you nodded. "Okay. The first is about your relationship with Sungho. Apparently you dont hang out enough with him, and they're saying that you're toxic."
You couldn't help but scoff. As if that was the issue. You've dealt with trips to the emergency room and forever scars on your heart, and you're the toxic one? Impossible. But what can you do? If you deny it, they will only find another way to put the blame on you.
You kept quiet and signaled him to continue.
"The other thing is a given, people are freaking about how you revealed your tattoos on stage yesterday. They're calling you—and I quote— "dirty whore", "bad influence" , "arrogant bitch" and "a disgrace to Korean culture."
You pursed your lips to hold back your harsh thoughts. Just in case someone was listening, you sighed and nodded in understanding. "Okay." Is all you said, and the never ending cycle began again.
You thought back to the start of your memories and the blur of an image of a brother you never knew. Your parents were long gone and you had no idea where they were, and you figured growing up as an orphan had a big impact on your mental health. The scattered memory of seeing your mother's smile, to seeing a young boy with the same eyes as you made you long for a relationship of love. You wanted to have a parental figure, even if you were a grown adult. You wanted to know that brother of yours, and you wanted to know why you couldn't remember anything else but their eyes.
Eyes were the window of one’s soul. So you found it strange that the only thing you remembered was the sparkle in their eyes as you shared the last memory of them.
You broke out of your daze and opened the door to exit the stair well. You had an excuse to distract yourself when you realized you left your phone in the practice room. Not remembering that someone else was in there, you found yourself pushing through the door and startling the boy who was dancing. He crashed to the ground the same way you did and yelped as he landed. You gasped and dropped your duffel bag, and ran to his side. His mask was off now, and his dark hair was covering the wide eyes you once saw.
"I'm so sorry, its my fault." You murmured and reached out to his ankle. "Are you okay? Do you need ice?" You softly touched his ankle without realizing it.
He kept quiet as he looked up at you. You noticed the slight flakes of a golden brown in the black irises, and the reflection of the lights in his eyes. His tattooed hand reached out and met your hand, and he picked it up off of him slowly. He didn't set your hand down, he just held it as he couldn't tear his gaze away from you. "Do I know you?" He quietly asked you, and your breath caught in your throat. It was as if you were the same person. You had the same nose, same wide-eyed gaze. You noticed his gaze move back and forth from your eyes to his hand, and he quickly dropped your hand and cleared his throat. "Forgive me, you just seem oddly familiar. That could be because you're famous, I don't know what I'm talking about—" he cut himself off with a harsh laugh and stood up fine, and offered a hand out to help you up. "I'm Jeon Jungkook."
You watched as his inked hand reached out to you and you smiled, gripping his hand to stand. "I'm—"
"Y/n. I know." He blushed, and let go of your hand. "You're amazing, I hope you know that."
Your heart skipped a beat. Not in a romantic way, but in a way where you felt as if all your efforts were finally acknowledged. Somehow all those sleepless nights and dry eyes felt not needed, and for the first time, a real smile found your lips. "Thank you, you have no idea how much I needed that."
You distanced yourself from the man and looked around the room for your phone. He watched as you made your way over to the window-sill, and once you grabbed it and turned around, you noticed the way he was fiddling with his fingers. For a man who looked so intimidating, he seemed to be extremely shy. You walked over to him. "Is your ankle honestly okay?" You softly asked him. He seemed like a spitting image of you and you couldn't ignore it, but you also didn't want to freak him out since you just met him.
he took a second to respond and looked down at his feet, then back up at you. "Mhm. Yeah, its okay." He furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at you, but shook his head and opened his mouth to speak. "I'm sorry, but I—do you have any siblings?"
That was an odd question, but you were dying to ask him that as well. "I..think so?" You stuttered as past memories of the boy's smile filled your mind.
He chuckled as he noticed you fiddle with your fingers. "You think so? Wouldn't you know if you had a sibling?" When he noticed your far-off look, his laugh fell off and he immediately apologized. "I'm sorry if I hit a nerve, I didn't mean to—"
"I just have memory loss from a long time ago, but I do remember having a brother." You found yourself saying, but the vulnerability of a stranger knowing your private life changed your whole stance. "Anyway, it was nice to meet you, Jungkook."
You gave him one last look and then scurried out of the room in fears of discovering your past.
-
Your cycle repeated and you were standing in front of another few thousand people just like the day before. What was different wasn't just your revealing outfit, but the thoughts that filled your head. You couldn't stop them this time, and it hindered your performance. For the first time in years, you felt like wanting to cry, and the worst part was that you had no idea why. Could it be the hole in your heart and your past begging to be sealed up? Could it be the throbbing pain in your head from the aftermath of a fight with Sungho? Of could it be the endless battle of longing for the person you used to be?
You didn't know, but something was affecting you to the point of no return. It had you gasping for air and not being able to grasp it, as if you were drowning in the deepest ocean. You couldn't touch the bottom, and had no where to find your footing. That left you rushing off the stage early in a fit of anxiety, nearly passing out as you tuned out the cheers of the crowd calling you back into the limelight.
Your vision blurred as you crashed into the wall, but you kept going until you found an exit door. The chilly night air hit you at every square inch of your body and you crumbled down to the ground, holding yourself as you shook anxiously. Still no tears fell despite the ache behind your dark irises. You were alone, cold, and vulnerable. People awaited your presence, and the only thing you could do was run away from it. How pathetic.
Your manager and bodyguard came to your side and guided you to your dressing room. They set you down on the floor and let you calm down before asking you if you needed anything. You needed to breathe, that's all. Maybe you needed validation, but that wasn't coming.
You slowly blinked, once again staring up at the spinning ceiling. One minute you found yourself in your dressing room, the next you awake in the comfort of your own home.
It was all a blur. You weren't quite sure if you walked here on your own two feet, or if it was while you were knocked out. Either way, you were under your lush blankets and your uncomfortable clothes were still on.
After a few moments of trying to remember what happened, you freaked as flashbacks of running off the stage came to your mind. You quickly looked for your phone and grabbed it out of its charger to look online. You knew you shouldn't, but the suspense was killing you.
Articles of your mental health began to show as well as hatred for the way you treat your boyfriend. A multitude of people are hating on your actions, and big reporting companies posted all about how insane you are. Go figure.
Despite the pain all of this caused, you kept scrolling and scrolling, reading the harsh words that seemed to be repeating like some kind of chant, until you came across one singular post that caught your eye.
There was no hate. No anger. Just encouragement. The person stated about how important you are to them, and to never think it's wrong to be yourself. It nearly brought you to tears, and even if it isn't the most articulate way of speaking, you couldn't help but comment on it in acknowledgment. Luckily, you didn't run your main account often and had a side account so no one would assume who you were.
You couldn't help but take notice at how they signed the short letter to you—with the initial "H". You checked their profile and sure, there were plenty of thirsty tweets about you. But you saw the love this person had for you and you alone, and even if it was just some stranger online whom you didn't even know, they made you feel your worth. They made you feel personal. They made you feel...sexy.
So you did what any "sane" person would do.
You followed them.
--
"Hobi, can you pass me the rice?" Jang-Mi asked Hoseok as she sat across from him in his home.
With a mouthful of food, he nodded and passed his sister the delicious rice. But when a large hand reached out to grab the bowl first, Hoseok raised an eyebrow. "Come on, dude. She asked me."
Seokjin took a chopstick full of rice and smacked his lips in front of hobi with a smirk. "And I'll give them to her now." He said and handed the bowl to a smiling Jang-Mi.
Hoseok scoffed and took a scoop of his own. "Remember Hyung, I was the guy who helped you find your girl, k?" He chewed loudly and took another scoop. "And what are you guys doing here so late? Gimme the rice back."
As if it knew he wasn't doing anything, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He reached to grab it as he believed it was his good friend Jungkook, but when he noticed another notification above the message, he clicked on it. It was just another account that seemed to love you, and hobi shrugged and then looked at the message his friend sent.
He already knew what happened and your concert, and had already written a paragraph in hopes for you to see it. But with the reality that you aren't an active social media user, it was a far fetched idea that you'd ever see it.
Hoseok hit the follow back button on the new account that followed him, not expecting anything of it. He set his phone down onto the table and brought his attention back to his sister.
"Have you heard anything from Jimin?" He asked Seokjin with a mouthful of food. "How's his wife?"
Seokjin smiled wide and looked to Jang-Mi lovingly. "Their baby is so cute, Jimin wont stop posting photos of him." He said, then wrapped an arm around his girlfriend. "We should all go out for drinks this weekend."
Hoseok is an avid drinker with a grimy past. With one sharp look from Jang-Mi, Hoseok let out a sigh and moved his gaze to Jin. "I'm down."
That earned a glare from his sister. "Hoseok, remember what I told you about drinking?"
"Yeah, yeah. Ill try to stop. Just let me have fun for one more night, noona." He pleaded, but knew he was going to do what he wanted anyway, although he appreciated his sister's worry.
She sighed, and then glanced at her lover. “Okay, fine. But I won’t be able to help you home, so bring your friend. What was his name? It started with a j—“
“Oh! Jungkook?” Hoseok smiled from ear to ear. “He’s actually an idol trainee, so I’m not sure if he’ll have time to come out with us. But I’ll ask.”
Jang-Mi took a sip of her glass of water. “You better. It’s either he comes with or you can’t go. I don’t trust you when you’re drunk.”
“I got it I got it.” He huffed, and peaked at Seokjin. “Aren’t you famous or something, shouldn’t you be doing famous people things?” He asked him with a smirk.
Seokjin smirked, and leaned onto the table. “I’d much rather spend time with Jang-Mi. She’s way more important.” He said lovingly while Hoseok gagged.
With a disgusted face, hobi waved his hand in front of his face. “Okay, no. Gross.” He said shortly, and backed up in his chair to put his dish in the sink. “Noona, it’s your turn to wash the dishes.”
“What? I don’t even live here.” She chuckled, but still stood up to help out while Hoseok ran out of the room. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going out with Kook!” He simply yelled, offering no explanation about what he would be doing.
“You better not be going to the club again, you were just there the other day.” She sighed as she scrubbed away, but when Hoseok didn’t answer, she just stayed quiet.
A few minutes later, Hoseok emerged from his room in a colorful ensemble, ready for a night out in the city. He was going to the club, but only because they had the best array of alcohol on the area. He knew of his addiction and he knew the cause, but he just couldn’t seem to stop the feeling of numbness as he drank. It was childish, but was worth the headaches and the hangovers.
“See you, Noona.” He kissed the top of her head and then respectfully bowed to Seokjin. “Bye, Jin Hyung.”
He left the room before they could respond to him and tossed his sneakers on. He then walked through the door and as it shut behind him, he was now one with the city.
“Do you want ice?” The bartender asked you as loud music pounded through your eardrums.
It was super late, around one in the morning. After you woke up and read the comments about you, there was no way you were sleeping. So again, you did what any sane person would do.
Go clubbing.
It was a place you frequented. Somehow the alcohol that dripped down your throat soothed the burn of your mentality, and it seemed like the best option after all of the negative thoughts. Usually you’d settle for a private room away from people, but today—like every other day—you just wanted to be normal.
“No, just rum and coke.” You nodded as you spoke, and leaned onto your elbows, propping your chin up.
With your face hidden behind a dark mask and your body fully clothed, you looked like the total opposite of your public persona. You really liked dark baggy clothing, but you had no choice when it came to it. You had no control. No leg room. Just an endless pit of fraudulence.
As the bartender slid you the drink, you gripped your fingers around the cold glass just as a familiar boy sat next to you.
Dressed in all black, he sad down swiftly next to you while his friend stumbled abruptly into the seat next to him, his dark hair gracefully falling over his eyes. You couldn’t help but stare at him, but as soon as your eyes met the familiar boy’s ones, you realized who he was.
“Oh.” He smiled at you, his head covered in the hood of his sweatshirt. “You’re—“
“Shh.” You drunkenly hushed him and he nodded, while his attractive friend slumped his body across the bar right after ordering a drink.
You peaked around jungkook to see the boy who was too drunk to lift his head. His hair had a bit of curl to it, and it was as dark as night. His eyes were closed, but you wished they were open and looking at you. His lips were curled up in a smile, as if he was dreaming of something pleasant. Maybe it was the alcohol boiling your blood, but you were smitten with someone you didn’t even know.
“Who’s your friend?” You asked jungkook. “He doesn’t look so good.”
Just as you said it, the stranger’s eyes slowly blinked open to meet yours. His beautiful irises bled into yours as if he knew you, and he smiled before closing them again.
“Oh, yeah. He had too much.” Jungkook said, then patted his pockets. “I’m sorry, but could you keep an eye on him? I think I lost my phone.” He stood up and smiled at you, and before he left he looked over at his friend. “Also make sure he doesn’t have another drink, he keeps sneaking them.”
Before you could protest, he bolted away and left you alone with the attractive boy. You glanced from side to side to see if anyone was looking, and you moved to the seat next to him.
You didn’t know what to do. As thoughts besides negative feelings roamed around your mind, you caught yourself becoming attracted to a man you didn’t even speak to. You carefully touched his shoulders to shake him awake. “Excuse me?” You muttered, and leaned closer to him.
He groaned as he woke, and his hazy eyes looked up to meet yours. Although most of your face was covered, he smiled as he saw how beautiful your eyes were. “Pretty.” Is all he said, and his hand slowly reached up to your face. “You look like someone.”
“I don’t look like anyone.” You quickly spoke, worried about your identity being exposed. The bartender brought over a tall drink and you grabbed it before he could get his hands on it.
“Hey, that’s mine.” He slurred, and leaned over towards you.
You pulled the drink further away from him, and he lost his balance as he tried to reach it. His head crashed into your chest and you quickly wrapped your arms around his body in efforts to stop him from falling. You stiffened, and felt your ice cold heart start to beat faster and faster as you stared down at his soft hair.
He breathed heavily into the crook of your neck, his arms falling limp on his sides. There was something about this stranger that set off a spark in you. You were curious about his past, his present. You wanted to hear his story behind those dark eyes of his, and why he smiled even when he was asleep.
“Your friend said you can’t have it.” You said softly, and dropped your hands from the embrace. He didn’t move his head yet—maybe he didn’t have the strength to. Still, you kept your hands to yourself as he leaned into you.
You knew your thoughts were wrong. You knew you had a boyfriend, and you never pegged yourself to be a cheater. And you would never cheat on a man you loved.
And you didn’t love him.
In a way, your attraction to this stranger felt like you were able to break free from the chains that bonded you to your abuser. He seemed like he had no threat to you, and it could be his drunken demeanor or the soft smile on his face, but you wished you could drop everything and spend the night with this man.
Who said you couldn’t? Surely management and sasaengs would have a problem with it, and all the hate you received about how awful you treat your boyfriend—which wasn’t true—will turn back up on you. Was this your chance to break out of the abuse? Was it worth the hate? At this moment, anything was worth it.
Although it seemed like a great idea to sleep with this stranger, you couldn’t take advantage of a drunk person. Maybe if you just cause a scene enough to get in the tabloids, you could lose the person who made you lose yourself.
As the idea sparked in your mind, you ripped off your mask to reveal your face, and softly gripped the boy’s shoulders to sit him up straight. “Hey, look at me.” You held him by the shoulders as his head bobbled, and his eyes finally met yours.
He studied your face with his mouth slightly agape, and you quickly glanced around to see if anyone recognized you. When it seemed like no one noticed, you leaned in closer to the boy. “What’s your name?” You said loudly so he could hear you over the bass of the music.
“Hoseok.” He smiled at you, his eyes barely open. His lips were a soft pink, and his hair framed his face perfectly. “You’re very pretty, has anyone told you that you look like y/n?” He stumbled over his words as he swayed in his seat, and you gripped onto him harder.
You noticed that look in his eyes. The direct look that pierced into your soul, and the slight smile on his lips. He was the definition of ethereal, and now that you were thinking about it, it wasn’t fair to bring him into your problems. You frantically looked around the room and quickly tossed your mask back on, hoping no one was able to recognize you.
“No, I’ve never heard that.” You released your grip from his shoulders, but you had to move them right back after he almost crashed into your chest. “Why are you drinking so much, Hoseok?” You couldn’t help but ask, and the smile on his face didn’t reach his eyes.
“It numbs the pain.” He said shortly, and as he looked into your eyes, he tilted his head to focus on you. “But I think I just got sober.”
You knew that was a lie, but his expression definitely changed. His hand reached out to caress your head as if he knew you. “Why are you covering your face? It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.”
You couldn’t focus, you were too worried about someone seeing you. So you grabbed onto his hand that was propped up on the table. “Come with me.” You stated, giving him no time to stop you. You both stumbled up the stairs and down the hall, and then finally entered a private room that felt insanely more comfortable.
You shut the door behind you and let go of Hoseok’s hand. He tumbled onto the cushion of the velvet couch and nearly bumped his head off of the coffee table. “Careful.” You whispered, and your vision blurred. You nearly forgot that you drank a bunch of alcohol, and it must’ve took your adrenaline to reach new heights to finally hit your system. His back was up against the back of the couch, and his legs were spread out wide, begging to be sat on. His head was tilted back, and his hair fell across his beautiful face.
Maybe is was the dimmed lighting, or the way hoseok was sitting on the couch, you couldn’t help but approach him slowly. As if he was your prey, you reached him and played with your food. “Hey, I’m sorry in advance for the things I want to do to you.” You hummed, and sat in his lap, your knees caging him in on both sides.
He brought his head up and his eyes met yours once again. He looked at you with a devious smile and blinked. “What do you want to do to me?” He breathed, and his hands found your waist. Your face was still covered with your dark mask, but luckily the room was dark enough to cover it just as well. You looked down at the beautiful stranger and watched as his hands slowly reached your face. His fingertips softly grazed your ears as he gently took your mask off, and you let him.
You didn’t have a good time with touch. The only time you let someone touch you was when you were drunk, and the heavy feeling of the trail of fingertips felt more numb than anything. That left you here after a night filled with irritation, and the arms of a stranger you barely knew. You cautiously ran your hands through his hair and he groaned, his eyes closing. Everything about this man made you want to toss whatever you worked for away in a second. But why? You only knew his name and the fact that he drinks to numb his pain, but you desired to know the things he wanted to forget. The reason why he wanted to be numb.
You leaned into him and his forehead bumped into yours, and you exhaled anxiously as his touch on your hips caused your heart to skip a beat.
It was something about how gentle he was even if he was loaded off his ass. He still had human decency to be cautious with you, to touch you softly, to tell you that you’re beautiful. And as your lips neared his, you backed away in respect. Luckily he was too drunk to care, and he slumped onto your shoulder again. This time you held him to you.
You slowly moved and laid him down on his side on the comfortable couch. He moaned softly as his head met the velvet, and you watched as his chest rose and fell with every breath he took.
You smiled. Genuinely. One of the only times you brought yourself to smile because you wanted to. You kind of wanted the public to believe you had a one night stand with someone other than your boyfriend, but you didn’t want that because you didn’t want this man to be in a mess of lies with you. He didn’t deserve it and it seemed like he had a bunch of things going on.
But you didn’t want to forget about him. Even if you couldn’t spend the night intimately together, you made it worth your while as you saw him comfortably sleep on a random club couch, regardless of how weird the situation was.
You reached out to brush away the stray strand of his hair that was askew, but stopped right before you were able to. Why was it so hard to let yourself let go? It was just a strand of hair, what was so hard about touch?
You didn’t know how deep Sungho cut into your heart until it came to another interest. You always figured it was deep, but never enough to hinder you from finding your own happiness.
You pulled your hand back and stayed with him, making sure he was okay without worry. After a bit of time passed, you fell asleep too on the other end of the couch, surprisingly comfortable through the sounds of his snores and the endless thoughts in your mind.
And for the first time, those thoughts weren’t all that bad.
Taglist: @theaufanartist @bringmetheksj
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brackenfur · 3 years
Text
au starting from lost stars/one non canon event mentioned but i cant stop thinking abt a scene where bramblestar slips up abt thinking abt killing firestar in sunset n how squirrel would react to that. this is a very quick drabble aka its not rly thought out or edited, i jsut needed to write and get it out somewhere ! i also cant rly definitively say that everything abt bramblestars version of events/what squirrelflight knew abt the foxtrap scene is canon-accurate since its been a minute since ive read tnp + that time period is extremely muddled in terms of which author writes it and what any cat outside of bramblestar ACTUALLY knows.
anyways tysm for reading <3
"i've sacrificed everything for this relationship, for you," bramblestar snaps, eyes that were at one moment dim and exhausted from his oncoming illness now alight with anger. "you don't even know how much pressure i was under all those years ago, after we got back together and i became deputy. i was dealing with my new position, with thunderclan's mistrust, with hawkfrost telling me to-" and he stops dead in his tracks, eyes widening just slightly as he realizes he let something slip.
squirrelflight blinks, deeply uncomfortable by his reaction. she knows that he and hawkfrost kept communicating after she and bramblestar got back together, and she knows to this day that hawkfrost never had good intentions - but there is something about the way bramblestar looks away from her, how his fur prickles along his spine, that makes her think there's more to this story.
"hawkfrost telling you to what?" she tries to keep up her bravado and confrontational tone so he doesn't detect how disturbed she's becoming, but her voice wavers. "what are you talking about?"
"nothing," he says too quickly, shaking his head. "it doesn't matter. i'm tired, squirrelflight; this leafbare is the worst i've seen, and i'm not feeling my best, either. you know that - i've been so sick, and-"
"yes, you are sick, and i've told you to rest," she reminds him, cutting him off. "and i'm sorry about that, but what are you talking about with hawkfrost?"
"i said it was nothing."
"it doesn't look like it was nothing."
bramblestar sets his jaw, shaking his head. "you know how he was. i was just going to say that he was just trying to pressure me to stop talking to you, that's it."
it doesn't feel like that was it. she has no love for hawkfrost and doesn't particularly care that he didn't like her much either - but bramblestar wouldn't be so upset and secretive about something that trivial. there's more.
"you're not telling me something," she says finally. "i know you - or, i mean, i think i know you. you're hiding something from me about hawkfrost, and i swear to starclan - we just had a conversation the other night about being truthful."
"i've always been truthful."
"it seems like you're not right now, though. i've laid out all of my secrets and told you every bad thing i've done - i've let the whole forest know my demons. not by choice, but what's done is done. there's something you're not telling me about hawkfrost - and don't tell me he didn't like me, we all know that. what was he telling you to do?"
he twitches his whiskers. "squirrelflight, you need to drop it."
this just makes her more angry. "i've told you everything i've done and you're always going on about how we need to stay truthful to each other to make this work - whatever it is, i'll listen to you about it. i know how hawkfrost was - did he want you to take over the forest, or something? i know he talked to mudclaw about things like that; he wasn't subtle about his plans to be tigerstar junior."
bramblestar looks deeply uncomfortable. "i didn't do what he wanted me to do, you know i didn't," he finally says after what seems like an hour; she blinks, unsure of what he's talking about.
"what do you mean? like...yeah, you didn't take over-"
"he wanted me to become thunderclan's leader. that's it. now, please, just drop it."
she frowns. she kind of expected that, but there's....a deep shame in his eyes, and she thinks there's an element to this story he's not saying. he's being evasive and private, and her heart begins to beat harder when she really, really thinks back on all those years ago.
a memory surfaces, one that she always thought about with pain and yet an underlying feeling of pride - for brambleclaw, for her mate, for saving her father....
it hits her then. she always thought that the foxtrap was brambleclaw's moment of undying loyalty to her father - stumbling upon hawkfrost about to kill firestar, and immediately jumping to his defense. that's always how he told it, anyways; he knew what hawkfrost wanted to do, and put an end to it.
but there were always these underlying moments that she couldn't quite place over the years - some type of underlying shame and embarrassment that she just chalked up to grief for his brother.
they look at each other, and she tries to keep calm. "when you found my father in the foxtrap," she says slowly. "did you think about letting hawkfrost kill him?"
bramblestar's beat of silence is all she needed to know; he immediately tries recovering it, though.
"squirrelflight, i would've never done that- hawkfrost and tigerstar were-"
"tigerstar? what does your father have to do with this?"
bramblestar is very quiet; she thinks that the world around them is completely silent as they stand in the middle of a snowy clearing. the cold usually heightens the sounds in the air, but in this moment all squirrelflight can hear is the thudding of her own heart.
bramblestar seems like he's trying to piece his thoughts together carefully; she forces herself to wait until he finally says: "i was never going to do it," he says, voice tight with emotion. "squirrelflight, i loved your father - you know that." she can barely hear him anymore as she finally grasps what exactly he's telling her. "my father and my brother- you've heard about how they are from lionblaze and ivypool and the others that went to the dark forest, how could i have- they were my family once, i thought that maybe-"
so that was his big secret, the one that he never meant for her to uncover. everything makes a little more sense now; the guilt and shame in bramblestar's eyes for those first seasons after hawkfrost's death whenever he'd look at firestar, the overcompensation bramblestar tried to preform as deputy. it wasn't because he felt like he allowed his brother to cause harm to firestar before saving him, it was-
"hawkfrost told you to kill firestar," she says softly, looking up at her mate. "but that- if it was just that, you would have told me, not lead me to believe that hawkfrost was the one who wanted to do it all along," she feels herself shaking as the shame begins to come back into bramblestar's expression. "you thought about, didn't you? about killing my father so you could become leader?"
bramblestar gives one moment of hesitation, and she shakes her head.
"i'm going to be sick," she says quickly, stepping away from him.
"i didn't hurt him. it wasn't-"
"this whole time, you've shamed me and made me feel like the worst cat that's been born because i kept a secret for my sister," she almost spits, her fur raising. "i don't know if i was morally right or wrong, i don't know what anyone else would do in my paws during that time - but you made me feel like i was worthless for a year because i protected leafpool, and now i finally get to know that you not only met up frequently with tigerstar but that you actually- you thought about killing my father. you thought about hurting firestar just so you could become leader."
ashfur's jibe all those years ago suddenly makes more sense - after the fire, the way he bumped into her with his shoulder and sneered you don't really even know your own mate, do you?
who knew that even after all this time after his death, ashfur still got the last laugh.
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sirthisisa-wendys · 3 years
Text
Investigations (Part 3): Ran Haitani x Fem!Reader
synopsis: when things are uncovered, can you handle the truth? Or are you doomed to make a mistake you can't rectify?
wc: 2.1k
tw: violence
masterlist
song recommendation:
Ran's past was a lie.
When you met him at the country club five years ago, your pasts had been explained in hushed tones and excited flurries of memories; sharing photos of the time before he was an executive of the communications company he worked in and the time before you were a journalist.
Ran said he had gone to jail twice, both for crimes he had been an accessory to as a delinquent kid, but that he'd cleaned up his act after and made his way up the corporate ladder. Nothing about gangs or being a Heavenly King in Tenjiku made it past his lips.
You had been honest, too. Your tales included the time you'd accidentally happened upon a massive gang fight, and that's how your investigative journalism skills began to bloom.
Who was fighting?
What were they going to do after?
Where did these gangs come from?
When did this argument start?
Why were they fighting?
How did gangs form in the first place?
Those were all the questions you sought out answers for that night and the next five years after, devoting your time and effort to finding the truth about everything.
"Babe?" You freeze, hands hovering over the keys at the sound of Ran's voice. You don't turn around - you can't even look at him the same these days - but he fixes that by walking over to you and turning you around in your chair. "What are you doing up so late?"
"Just doing some writing." His violet eyes search yours for the truth, but you know he won't be able to find it. Not while you're still trying to unravel his past. Ran kisses your eyelids sweetly, cupping your face in his large palms and littering his love across your face as you try your best to remain still and not confess about your research.
"Come to bed. It's late."
"I've got a few more paragraphs," you explain, motioning to the small print on your screen. "I'll be in bed soon."
But your lie is discovered shortly thereafter. It's five a.m. when Ran returns, seeing you slumped against your desk, arms cushioning your head, laptop screen blank. Instinctively, Ran pulls you out of your seat - making your notebook fall to the ground - grunting softly as he scoops you up into his arms and cradles you against his chest.
You willingly allow your husband to carry you to bed, where your two-year-old is also nestled among the sheets and pillows, thumb tucked into his mouth. And for a moment, Ran appreciates the view, seeing the two people he loved the most - besides his younger brother - laying in the bed he paid for, in the house he built, in the city he owns.
But then he remembers the slight disarray you left your things in at the desk and returns, picking up your pencil and notebook before laying them beside the laptop. Then his eyes catch "Ran's past?" written in bold, red letters, along with the words: "Tenjiku" and "Tandai" also written in the web of other words surrounding his name. "South Terano" is also on that web.
He'd have to take care of that in the morning.
And for the first time in a long time, worry bubbles to the surface of his mind, and Ran rips the sheet of paper from your notebook, tossing it into the kitchen trashcan and considering his deed done. He concealed his past to protect his family. And he's concealing the present to achieve the same goal; all for the future to be revealed later. That's how everything should be.
Right? _____________________________________________________________
"Ran," you whisper, lips running across his knuckles. His fingers cup your jaw, and his own lips press against your forehead, violet eyes darkening slightly. "It's six am. Where are you going this early?"
"I have to go into the office for a little while," he murmurs, kissing your forehead again. "I'll be back around lunchtime." Thoughts of Tandai and Tenjiku flash into your mind for a moment, but you smile at him sleepily anyway, absolutely sure these things are part of his past and not in the present.
"We'll be waiting for you, my love."
Despite all of your best intentions, though, you can't help but be consumed by the idea of Ran out, fighting, stealing, maiming... You consider asking him about these things, these concerns, but you decide against it as you're helping Kai with his lunch. If he wanted to leave it in the past, there's a good reason for it. He would have told you if it would be a problem later. Right?
Ran wouldn't jeopardize your family, your home, your life for something so... juvenile.
Right?
The clatter of keys on the counter in the living room brings you back to the present, and you perk up, your two-year-old mimicking your expression.
"Daddy!" Kai slides down from his seat and runs to greet Ran, clutching his father's legs with all his little might.
"Hey, buddy," Ran laughs, stooping to pick up his son with excitement. "How are you doing?" As son and father have a very stimulating conversation about playtime, you watch them in wonder, observing the way Ran makes his child a priority, just like he makes you a priority. But your countenance falls as soon as you see the blood spot on the bottom of Ran's lavender suit jacket. You know its blood because of the way it dried - that's no ketchup stain.
You fake a smile anyway, giving Ran a kiss on the cheek and tugging his jacket off after he sits Kai back on the tile floor.
"Hard day?"
"Kind of," Ran mumbles, and you catch the sight of a long scratch down the side of his neck. "But I made it through." You hum, taking the pin-striped jacket to the laundry room and slinging it over the side of the washer. You'd need that later.
"Need to relax?" you wonder, and Ran grins at you mischievously.
"Maybe later, after bedtime?"
_____________________________________________________________
But "later" never came.
Instead, Ran and Kai fell asleep on the sofa, watching a kid's movie, and you retreated to the office, powering up your laptop and pulling your notebook closer.
You immediately notice something's wrong, as the notes you had before were missing. Everything is gone. Not even a word of all the research you had done was there. Hadn't you written meticulous notes and names and things about Ran's past that could be interconnected? You break out in a sweat and search in every drawer of the desk, every place it could possibly be. You come up with nothing, and let out a frustrated sigh before slumping down in your seat and pulling up the computer history from yesterday. If you had to rewrite every single thing, that's fine. You'd just need more time to gather your evidence for the meeting on Saturday.
You're knee-deep in articles and police reports when you stumble across a more recent - actually as recent as this morning - article titled: "Ex-gangster found dead in meat factory". The picture of South Terano startles you, and you click on it, feeling a sense of dread as the article details how he was found hanging upside-down in the warehouse with a bullet hole in his head. And just like that, your newest lead has fizzled out. You groan, writing down "South Terano, deceased" on your notepad, then exiting the tab.
There had to be someone else you could ask. Shuji Hanma only provided you with Ran and Rindou's names, no one else.
"What's this?"
The door to the office shuts softly, and you look over your shoulder at Ran, who is walking toward you with measured steps, his eyes taking in your exhausted expression and the way you're hunched over that notepad. Again.
"What are you doing? You look tired, babe. Let's go to bed, yeah?"
Suddenly, pieces begin to click as Ran leans his hip against the desk, staring down at you in the chair with squinted violet eyes. "You threw away my notes... Didn't you?"
"What are you doing in my business, y/n?"
"Why didn't you tell me that you were in two gangs?" you counter, fingers shaking slightly. "Ran, this is something I needed to know before--"
"You wouldn't have married me if I told you." Ran's tone is cold, almost as if he's turned into the past version of himself without batting an eye.
"You don't know that." Ran leans forward, coming to eye level with you a smirking.
"I know you. And that's all I need." Ran reaches out a hand to close the laptop, still smiling and maintaining eye contact. "Now here's what you're going to do. First, you're going to stop digging into my past. There's nothing there that you need to find. Second, you're going to come to bed. It's late, you're tired. Finally," Ran cups your chin like he did this morning, except his fingers aren't so tender this time. "You're going to cut off contact with both Shuji Hanma and Taiju Shiba. I'm not really fond of either of them, and I'm not a fan of having them tell my business to my wife."
"They were only doing it because I asked."
"Taiju, maybe. Shuji isn't so eager to fuck you. I doubt he did it out of the kindness of his heart." You can't say anything to refute his claims. Ran is probably right. But you can't get one question out of your mind.
"Why are you trying to hide your past? What's there that I won't like?"
"What isn't there is the real question."
"What can you tell me about the gang that's just surfaced in Tokyo?" Ran's face slackens, transforming into a half-surprised, half-blank look that you realize is one that means he's been caught. "Oh, my fucking god," you breathe, tears stinging your eyes. "South, the fish, the murders, the crime... It's you. It's been you this whole time. I've been chasing my own husband down." Panic begins to set in, and your mind whirls around as you shake in your seat, bringing your hands up to your head. "Just tell me Rindou isn't in this," you breathe, but Ran doesn't answer you, still wearing that dumb look on his face. You let out a cry of shock, covering your mouth and trying to back away from Ran as much as you can.
The source is a lot closer than you think.
You slide down the wall, shocked into stillness as your sobs quiet, and Ran straightens up, placing his hands in his sweatpant pockets. The long nights, the early mornings, the bloodstains, the damn suits... It all led to this. Ran had never really left his old lifestyle behind. He'd gotten caught up in it, and brought you and Kai into it unknowingly.
"I never meant for it to get this... unhinged." You can't reply, tucking your knees into your chest as you stare past Ran and at the opposite wall, wondering how you'd missed the signs, the obvious signs that Ran was up to no good. "I know this is a lot to take in, but we can--"
"I can't stay here."
The words fall from your mouth and Ran flinches, shaking his head.
"No. You can't leave."
"Yes, I can," you mumble, standing and wiping your tears. "I can do whatever I need to do to keep Kai safe, and--"
"Kai is safer here than out there," Ran snaps, pointing at the window. "I'm not letting my son out of my sight. Your snooping has caused enough trouble as it is; I wouldn't have had to go and clean up this morning if you hadn't--"
"Don't blame this on me," you retort, pointing at Ran accusatorially. "You're the one who joined a gang and is still in one! What kind of role model are you for our son now?"
"I provide the best way I can," Ran grits out, clenching his fists. "You've never gone hungry, cold, or ill-clothed a day in your life while you were with me."
"I would rather die than enjoy a life paid for with blood money."
"Blood money? You really think--" You try to push past Ran, but he grabs your shoulders, yanking you back in front of him. "You're not going anywhere except to our bed."
"Let me go, Ran Haitani," you mutter, hands balling up into little fists. "Or I'll scream."
"Who will hear you? Kai?"
How had you been so foolish? Ran's lips press together momentarily as his violet eyes run over your figure, taking stock of all your five-foot-six stature. You're no match for Ran. Not mentally, and certainly not physically. Ran notices your defeat and his hands slide down to your wrists, tugging your delicate hands up to his chest.
"Everything will be fine," he whispers, drawing you close. "I'm taking care of us. Just trust me."
Just trust me.
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