#also. little Monroe? not a real place.

[nvoirs]

Leon taking the fem reader’s virginty for the first time, but he is an experienced gentleman and the reader is a sweet girl who has been corrupted by the likes of this man. 👀👀

Can you include Praise and body worship please?

I'm so sorry this to so long, I hope you like it <3 Also I apologise if my writing font and style keeps changing I'm just trying to figure out what works best for me.

Leon was every woman's dream man. He had the looks, the charm, the personality you name it. His witty, flirty nature made the ladies giggle and swoon for a matter of fact. So although it had been a good six months since you and him started dating you still questioned yourself as to why he chose you? You were a boring plain Jane, not some glamorous Marilyn Monroe that swept Leon off his feet.

Six months and only kisses remained. Don’t be wronged though, the kisses could be very heated and you loved it. You craved more though, you wanted Leon to touch you lower and lower until-

Snapping out of your trance when you saw Leon himself crouched in front of your hunched over form on the couch.

“Hey, are you good? Looked like you were hypnotised.” He chuckled.

“Yeah, doing fine.” You sighed.

He raised an eyebrow, a quizzical look that basically said you seriously lying to my face?

“Tell me what’s up, promise I won’t laugh.”

To be honest Leon was also getting distracted, not by daily stresses but by yourself. That low cut top you wore was just a little too low, and your lips looked nice and soft, plump and coated in a sparkly peach pink gloss. It took all of his willpower not to take you right then and there. He was aware you still suppressed your virginity, and he did not want to rush you into things you may possibly regret.

“Okay.. Leon, I want to take it to the next stage with you.”

No way did you mean what he thought you meant..

“Yes, I mean sex.” The pinkish blush evident on your cheeks slowly crept up as you squeezed your hands together waiting for an answer head hung low.

“If that’s what my girl wants, I’m going to give it to her.”

Taking your hands in his he guided you to your own bed, slowly pushing you into the soft, foamy mattress. His lips mushing with yours as he sloppily kissed you trying his ever so hardest not to quicken things. He wanted your first time to be special, gosh he was so lucky knowing he was your first.

You bit your lips as you watched from below him, a string of saliva following as Leon broke the kiss. He could taste the peach flavour of your lips, pulling off his t-shirt his naked torso on display for you to gawk at. His incredible build had you in a trance, the way his muscles and biceps flexed deliciously when he leaned back down onto the bed.

“Gonna make you feel so good baby, you hear me? Now lift your legs.”

You complied to his soft request, lifting your legs and hips so he could shimmy of your pj shorts. The cold air hit your thighs but was enveloped in a warmish, wet feeling. His tongue. Leon moved his head towards the apex of your thighs beginning to gently kiss them before moving to the inner thigh. He looked at you before diving down to place a flurry of ticklish open mouthed kisses before sinking his teeth into one thigh.

You jolted at the sudden change in demeanour it felt surprisingly good sending a shock straight to your now throbbing core. His nose nuzzled against the cotton of your underwear, right on the soiled part that had been stained by your arousal oozing itself out of your sensitive cunt.

“Smells s'good, can I take this off for you sweetheart?” The string of desperate whines were all Leon needed to know that yes you did want it. Taking his sweet time pulling down your panties completely off and staring at your glistening treasure. So wet and aroused just for him he couldn't wait to dig in.

“Baby this all for me, hm?” Bringing his ring finger to your wet folds flicking upwards to get a little moan out of you, your hips bucking into the air.

“I'm gonna put a finger in, gonna make you feel real good you hear me?” Your furious nodding made Leon's arrogance grow, coating his fingers in your sticky slick he rubbed at your entrance.

“Please Leon, put it inside.”

“It'll hurt angel, but I promise It's gonna pass real soon.” Before you could respond he'd eased his thick, long fingers into your tight, wet hole making you cry aloud. Gripping his free arm, squeezing it as he began to slowly thrust his fingers inside of you. The pain began, but ended just as Leon had mentioned it would. Pleasure clouded your thoughts, you'd been missing out if this is what it felt like to be fingered. But maybe it was just Leon and his skilled fingers.

His pace never faltered, wanting you to reach your first proper orgasm with him; he added a second finger stretching you out invitingly for when the time came. Broken whines and gasps left your dry throat, pressure building  in your stomach you couldn't speak your words lodged in your throat as you came all over Leon's fingers.

“That's right baby all over my fingers, gonna lick it all up f'ya.”

Slowly pulling out, Leon had a sly smirk painted across his angelic features. If you were this loud with only his fingers, how would you react to his cock? Well guess he'd find out very soon. Bringing his fingers to his pinkish lips he licked them teasingly, looking at your blanked out expression.

“Are you ready for the real deal, my angel?”

“Yeah Leon please, want your cock inside me.”

Oh so straightforward you were, it's one of the things that Leon absolutely adored about yourself. He had no idea how you were still a virgin, but maybe you did believe in destiny and waited for him. His low growl felt possessive, pushing you back into the plush pillows he unbuttoned your low cut pyjama top before chucking it aside. Just as he had suspected from earlier you were wearing no bra. He chuckled, grabbing both your breasts and kneading them between his fingers. Thumb pads dancing over your hardened nipples, grazing them teasingly before latching his sweet mouth onto one. Your mewls made him weak to the knee, his excitement grew in his pants wanting to desperately be inside of you just as much as you wanted it.

Sliding his pants and briefs of his meaty thighs, Leon advanced towards you again spreading your legs forcefully before leaning down into your ear. “M’gonna make you feel so, so good you look so pretty like this baby.”

“Please Leon.” Your gentle request made Leon’s heart flutter, he really just couldn’t get enough. It felt so intimate, you trusted him and he wanted to prove to you that he was the only one for you.

Grabbing himself and positioning at your tight entrance he pushed in, the acoustic melody you made somewhat between a cry and a moan made Leon soften as he allowed you to adjust to him.

Crystalline tears filled your eyes from the pain of your boyfriend stretching you out and making a home of you nestled deep inside. Sniffling you managed to speak up, tapping the blonde's shoulder. “Can move now Leon- please.” Obeying Leon began to slowly thrust into your guts making your shaky breathing louder, the air felt stifling hot and you didn’t know where to look as you locked eyes with his pale blue ones.

“Aw my baby, shh It’s okay now why’re you crying my darling? Did It hurt you a lot? I’m so sorry my love, do you need anything?” Leon’s million questions floated right past your mushy brain, but you requested one thing.

“I want you fuck-” You whimpered as he sped up hitting a particularly treasured spot of yours but you continued your sentence. “To be closer ha- to me please!”

Leon closed the distance between your sweaty bodies, his chest pressed against your boobs, his hold on your thighs tightening as he ploughed your guts out. “S’ pretty, so gorgeous I love you so much.” He was met with an a Capella of mewls before he felt you cumming around his cock, your fucked out face blanking out while coming down from your high.

“Come on baby one more for meh, can’t let you off. It's your first time you need at least two, trust me.” And before you could even respond he was already overstimulating your insides, your fingers curled in his honey coloured hair. His face buried between your tits, you could smell his hair that lavender shampoo he always used, he smelled so damn good you had your eyes fluttering shut.

“Cum with me baby, I know you can c’mon please, please?” Leon’s guttural groan had you cumming for a second time tonight, you felt his warm, thick cum drip inside of you pulling out and collapsing on the bed. Leon caressed your shoulder lightly kissing the small freckle you had there.

“Thank you Leon, I love you no one can change that I pinkie swear on it.” You stuck out your finger cutely.

Just as he had thought, such an unpredictable and straightforward little thing, but he stuck out his pinkie all the same.

#leon scott kennedy #leon kennedy #leon kennedy smut #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #re2 leon smut #re2 leon #re4 leon smut #re4 leon #re6 leon smut #re6 leon #resident evil #resident evil x reader #resident evil smut #reader insert

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 16

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

word count: 25K

warnings: cursing, drinking, mutual pining, mostly just a lot of angst, yn is insanely in love its actually a lot, making out, jealousy, grinding, hyunjin is a little mean, sexual tension, tons of new characters, a lot of coincidences, mature content, angst

a/n: soo hyunjin dropped contradicting and somehow it's absolutely perfect for this chapter. this part does also have undertones of 'love untold' in it too, and im very excited to finally be writing the city arc! this was a long time coming and i really hope you enjoy it. theres tons of angst in this so im sorry about that. please get comfortable with snacks and a blanket to read. you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

The girl next to him was pretty, in a timeless Marilyn Monroe kind of way. She had striking features, and even from this little interaction you knew her face would be burned into your memory. She was standing next to Hyunjin so simply, as if that wasn’t a place that you had been pining for all these months. 

Her hand rested on the small of his back, animated eyes as she talked to him. Even now, he looked as good as the day he left. The trench coat fit his body just right, and he was so much taller than everyone else in this shop. His hair had grown longer in your absence and chocolate strands brushed his shoulders.

The last time you saw him, he kissed you until your lips were bruised, and his pants were stained with cum. 

Right now… he was pretending like you didn’t even exist.

The woman looked over her shoulder, eyes meeting yours briefly as if she’d felt your burning gaze. You ought to be embarrassed that you were caught staring, yet you stood your ground. You expected a sneer, but she smiled at you — the polite kind of smile you give strangers as you pass them in the street — before turning to him again. 

Monstrous curiosity clawed at your chest, gut turning in envy. She reached into her purse, an expensive-looking red bag that you couldn’t afford in any lifetime, and pulled out a black credit card. Before she could hand it into the cashier though, Hyunjin’s arm reached out, stopping her. He was touching her now, if only so briefly, but a wave of debilitating nausea overcame you. You could hear him saying, “Please, let me get this” 

You were all the way across the store, but you’d be able to hear him among a million voices. The familiarity of his kindness pulled at your heartstrings. 

The woman didn’t protest, probably because Hyunjin was the biggest star in this city, and he could afford anything he wanted, and everything she could ask for. 

“That art building is just a few blocks down from here. I can tell you the way. It’s pretty easy” The boy you’d asked for help said. He had an employee uniform on, and a silver name tag that read “Jae”. 

You’d quickly forgotten your purpose for being out and about in the streets of Seoul. You’d come here for a reason, to have a glimpse at the building you’d be studying at, the place you’d been dreaming of. Yet…you’d never longed for something as much as you did for Hyunjin.

“Yeah, um, thank you” You mumbled half-heartedly, eyes still on Hyunjin, “Can you just…give me a minute?”

It was rude of you to ask for help but not take it, only because you were distracted by a boy. “Sure, uh…take your time” The employee stepped away, not really caring about your internal drama.

Hyunjin’s back was still to you. You’d been worried about why you couldn’t contact him this entire time. A part of you was relieved; if he was here that meant he was okay, even after disappearing entirely off the grid.

He grabbed the paper bag they’d purchased, a blue cereal box peeking out, threatening to topple. It didn’t fit in the bag, but he made no effort to fix it. He didn’t seem too involved in the task. They had finished bagging their snacks, and that meant they’d leave. 

There was nobody in the shop anymore, except you and them. A black car was parked just outside. It was probably his. Once he got in the car…he’d be far away from you, down a thousand identical streets and hidden between skyscrapers you’d never find him in. There were ten million people in this city. How would you ever find him again? You had no fucking way of contacting him.

He walked past where you stood in the aisle, and your pulse was pounding in your ears, tunnel vision shielding everything else.

You’d been searching for him this entire time…you couldn’t just let him walk away.  

It was now or never. 

He pushed the door open, and outside air swirled in. 

It snapped you into action.

“Hyunjin?” Your voice wavered, and it wasn’t loud enough for this city. Your plea was drowned amongst sirens, traffic and noise.

But he stopped walking, shoulders tensing.

He heard you.

Hurriedly, you stepped towards him, navigating through the messy snacks aisle. Your hands were shaking, and you pushed them into your jacket pockets to hide that. The effect he had on you was embarrassing, even at such a time. 

“Can I just talk to you for a second?” You asked, hoping you didn’t sound as desperate or nervous as you felt.

He turned around to look at you, and his knuckles were white from how tight he was gripping their bags. The grocery must be heavy, and even in a circumstance like this, you worried for him. His gaze on you was unrecognizable. It was almost like it wasn’t really him at the moment…as if he’d been replaced by a carbon copy, which was colder and meaner, and didn’t feel anything for you. 

His eyes zeroed in on you, and you suddenly felt so conscious. You wish you’d dressed up better, instead of this dull, beige coat you picked off a thrift shop back home. This was the first he was seeing you after months, and you weren’t prepared. You shot him a smile. Quick and rough, and forced, but a smile nonetheless.

He had to know you were happy to see him. Inside, you were screaming.

The girl at his side looked at you again, eyebrows raised in confusion. Her earlier politeness had worn off, and now she just looked bothered. Who even was this woman?

There’d be time for questions later though, because she pulled at his arm, “Come on. We’ll be late Hyunjin” Her tone had authority to it, a kind of tone you’d never used with him. 

“Can we talk?” You repeated your question. The woman wrinkled her nose, and now that you really looked at her…she was much older than you. She had expensive taste, clearly, and an aura of confidence you could never possess.

Hyunjin’s mouth parted, and then closed again, like he was having trouble speaking. There was so much to say, after all. But even if he couldn’t talk right now, you’d be happy to just know if he was okay. 

You wanted to ask him for his number, but you waited, giving him the time to say whatever was on his mind. There must be a lot on it. It had to be his company pulling the strings and making him cut off all contact with you. He had to have been forced somehow, because he wasn’t that kind of person. 

The longer he said nothing, the dizzier you felt. The truth was becoming obvious. Maybe it wasn’t all that far-fetched to believe that he had cut you off….on purpose.

Your chest tightened impossibly, a horrible feeling building up in your gut. There were lines in his forehead, and guilt in his eyes. Your nails dug into your palms as you tightly clenched your fists, but you were numb to that pain.

But it had to be a misunderstanding, because Hyunjin would never do that to you, would he? In fact, he’d…never do that to anyone. He was far too kind to resort to something like complete radio silence.

“I’m sorry” He spoke.

Your knees almost gave out at his voice. You’d missed it so much, and your heart was catching up to your mind, to register what he said.

Sorry for what?

He swallowed hard, steely gaze meeting your confused one, “I’m sorry… I don’t have time for this”

Before you could even process those words, he had walked out into the cold night, leaving you standing in the stupid fucking store, all by yourself. That was all there was to it.

Maybe everything that you knew about Hyunjin was wrong.

»»————-

“I’m sorry. I can’t help you…you do not have authorisation to enter the building” The security guard repeated, for the third time that night, as if you needed any more humiliation right now. 

Your cheeks were burning red, and you were trembling from the cold, “Please, he knows who I am. Just ask him”

He was visibly annoyed, “If you don’t have a visitor pass, you have to stay in the lobby, until the employee buzzes you in”

You tightened your coat around yourself, trying to reason, “I can’t get through to him. Just tell him I’m here. He’ll buzz me in, I swear”

He sighed, exasperated by your desperation. You were embarrassed, and shameful, but you didn’t know what else to do. If you went home now, you might cry till you threw up. You’d cry till it was dawn, and until you heard the morning traffic outside your apartment. The only thing stopping you from bawling right now was the watchful eyes of the people around you. 

You’re numb inside. You’re so, so confused.

None of it makes any sense, but your brain hurts just thinking about it.

It was so late, everybody was leaving the building, and you were the only one trying to get in. A female employee was buzzing out, pushing through the turnstiles. She looked between you and the doorman, “Something wrong?” 

The guard sighed, another indication of how less of a fuck he gave about you, “She says she knows an employee in the building, but she has no visitor pass”

You looked at her, “Can you please just tell him Y/N is here? He’ll understand”

Her gaze softened at the state of you, “What’s his name? I’ll see what I can do”

You told her… and then you waited. 

It was embarrassing to be standing there as hundreds of employees exited, eyeing you up, wondering why you were just standing there. The longer it took for him to come, the shakier you felt. Like you’d lose grip of yourself. It was getting chillier, and your insides hurt. 

Then you heard his voice. He basically yelled your name, rushing through the crowd of employees, a beeline straight to you, “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

He was like your angel — ashy blonde hair drifting against the air conditioning of the lobby, a red scarf wrapped around his neck. “Oh my god” You stepped ahead, but a silver turnstile separated you from touching him, “I tried calling you”

He placed his card against the scanner, opening the gate so you could enter.  There was no time to explain. Immediately, he wrapped his arms around your body. That was the thing you loved about Yeonjun the most. Hug first, questions later.

You buried your face in his neck, squeezing him, “I’m so sorry for just showing up, I needed to see you, Jun”

He pulled back to look at you, “I’m sorry my phone was on silent. I was working on a report, and I lost track of time”

The security guard was looking at the two of you, and he probably assumed you were a couple. He probably thought you were lovers, and if you were…everything might just have been easier. Yeonjun’s eyes narrowed in on your puffy, swollen eyes, “Wait. What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Heat rushed to your cheeks. Had you overreacted by coming here? He must think it’s an emergency. You musthave overreacted. Your instinct made you apologise, “I’m sorry for coming here like this…”

He shook that thought away like it was nothing, “Come on. We’ll just grab my stuff, and then we can head home, all right?”

You let him lead you to the staff elevator, and he held on tightly to you through it all, which you appreciated. You didn’t want to be alone right now. You observed the office building that Yeonjun worked at. “Your building is…fancy” You mumbled, but your voice was hoarse, and you couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm.

“Yeah” He chuckled, glancing back at you, “Most companies are pretty serious about the security. There’s been a lot of data breaches recently so…”

“It was embarrassing to face off that guard. I thought he’d arrest me or something…by the way he was staring” 

Yeonjun laughed, “He’d never do that. He was probably just caught off guard by how pretty you look”

Your chest squeezed at his sudden compliment. You leaned forward, wrapping an arm around his stomach to indulge him in a back hug. It was a strange display of affection for the elevator. But Yeonjun said nothing of it, squeezing your arm, and craning his neck to smile at you.

“We’re here” He told you, and you stepped out into a quiet office floor. After a monotonous and mundane hallway with doors that all looked the same, you arrived at his cubicle. The floors were grey, the doors were dark, and the ceiling was industrial exposed. You’re not sure if this was the best place for comfort right now, but it was all you had. It was better than your empty, soulless apartment.

Yeonjun’s desk was cleaner than you expected, arranged with knick-knacks and clutter. A polaroid of you and him was pinned to the bulletin, next to one of him and Hana. Your eyes trailed across his entire workspace. There were only pictures of Hana.

You stilled.

“Um, I’m sorry. I still need to clean up” He muttered, ripping the polaroids off the wall, as if to show you that he didn’t care. But it was clear to you by how he carefully placed them inside the drawer. He was still in love with her.There was a lump in your throat at the realisation. He hadn’t told you that, and Yeonjun shared everything with you.

He shot you a sheepish smile, “I’m just gonna finish sending an email. You can sit down”

There was a single swivel chair at his desk. “What about you?” You asked.

“I’ve been meaning to get off my feet anyway” He smiled, as you sat down.

You felt like a kid, watching him send the emails, with nothing to do but sit in your thoughts. It was still better than being at home. Alone.

“Do you always work this late?” You asked him, after a while. There was nobody else on the floor.

He shook his head, “No…there was a problem at work, I had to stay longer to figure it out”

“Oh”

He forcefully pushed a button on his keyboard, then turned to you, “So are you going to tell me why you’re here?”

You swallowed, fiddling with the clutter on his desk, rehearsing what happened in your head, and every way sounded stupid. So you mumbled, “It’s not that…important, actually. I should head home”

Yeonjun shut his laptop with a snap. Crossing his arms, he leaned against the desk to look at you, “Come on. Was it not what you expected?”

“Hmm?”

“The art building. That’s why you went out tonight. Is it not as good as you imagined?”

“Oh” You belatedly realised that and held back a bitter laugh, “I didn’t even get to it”

“What? You couldn’t find it?”

“I found him, Jun” You mumbled, staring at your sneakers.

“Found who?” He asked, before the realisation sank in, “Wait, him… as in Hyunjin? How!?”

That was your question too. How did you bump into him out of everyone in this city?

“I…he happened to be at the store that I stopped to ask for directions”

Jun’s eyebrows furrowed, and he knelt to be at eye level with you, “What happened then?”

“He was with some girl”

Without hesitation he said, “His manager?”

Your lip was quivering as you spoke, but you couldn’t be this fucking weak, “Maybe. I don’t really know…”

“It had to be. Hyunjin wouldn’t do that to you”

His faith in him was undeniable, and you felt like you’d break his heart by revealing the rest of the incident to him.

“She probably was. It’s not that, Jun…he walked right past me…I couldn’t even talk to him”

Yeonjun shook his head, “Are you sure he saw you?”

You recalled the look in Hyunjin’s eyes as he dismissed you completely, and the pain in your chest doubled at the reminder, “He saw me.”

“You’re sure?”

You looked at him, eyes filling with tears, “I’m sure.”

Yeonjun recoiled like a shotgun, standing up straight, and you weren’t expecting the immediate anger in his tone, “Why the fuck would he do that?”

You chewed on your lip, hoping it’d stop shaking, wishing you knew the answer to his question, “I don’t know”

“He didn’t even give you his new number?”

A sob built up in your throat, and your head was beginning to pain, “You’re not listening. He ignored me to my face, Jun. Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe it was something I said…all those months ago”

“You could never” He scoffed, “It was because of the woman he was with. Hyunjin’s probably not allowed to just talk to someone in public”

“You really think so?”

Yeonjun didn’t even look a little bit worried. He had his hands on his hips, “What else would it be, Y/N? He’d never ignore you. I don’t understand…”

You swallowed, trying to not cry, “Yeah. I just…had to see you. A few months ago, when his number changed, I was really hoping that when I came to the city, I could find him and fix things. There’s no way he’d do that on purpose. Of all people in the world, Hyunjin would never just cut me off without an explanation but…” You sniffled, “He wasn’t even happy to see me there. He just looked fucking disappointed. Like I made a mistake moving here, even though he all of people—” Your voice broke, “he, all of people knows how much I wanted to come here”

“Babe, please don’t cry” Yeonjun reached out, his thumb wiping away a tear. It was futile since you could already taste the salt on your lips.

This wasn’t what was supposed to happen, “He talked about how he missed me, I just don’t understand. Like, what even happened?”

“Come here” Yeonjun hugged you, and his t-shirt muffled your cries. He rubbed circles on your back, and you were thankful the floor was vacated, because you felt so stupid crying over a boy. Was Hyunjin even thinking about you right now? He had always hated seeing you cry, and now he was the entire reason for it.

You tightened your grip around him, “I’m sorry I’m ruining your tonight, Jun”

“Y/N” He frowned, pulling back to look at you, “Don’t ever say that again”

“Sorry…”

He looked upset and wiped the traces of tears off your lips, “Stop apologising too. This isn’t your fault”

You nodded, holding him still, “Can I please stay in your apartment tonight? I don’t want to go to my place right now”

He smiled, grabbing your bag off his desk, “I’ve told you before. You’ll always have a bed at my apartment, Y/N” He frowned suddenly, remembering something, “Um…I do have to warn you about something though…”

Maybe it was a mistake coming here. Right across Yeonjun’s apartment window, was a picture of Hyunjin. The billboard was huge, and he was plastered all over it. You almost didn’t recognise him at first. He looked like…a star.

His hair was perfectly in place, and sunglasses were pushed up to his head, like he was the protagonist of some action movie.

“You weren’t kidding about it being huge” You commented, watching from his bedroom.

He came to stand next to you, fiddling with the curtains, “I was hoping they’d change it soon, but Pegasus is pretty good at promoting the band. Downtown, they’re on almost every billboard”

At least now you knew you wouldn’t be going Downtown anymore. It was ironic that Hyunjin was everywhere in the city but out of reach for you. If that woman really was his manager, and he wasn’t allowed to even talk to you in public…then Hyunjin’s life was even tougher than you could have imagined.

Being famous must fucking suck, and being in love with someone famous was…soul-crushing.

“Anyway” He cleared his throat, “I ordered us some Chinese food”

You crossed your arms, you hadn’t realised you were starving, “Thank you, Jun…"

Yeonjun just smiled in return, leading you away from the bedroom window before pulling the curtains on the view. You were glad, because if he didn’t pull you away now, you’re afraid you’d stare at that picture for the rest of your life.

»»————-

The Atelier of the Arts was beautiful. 

It was everything you could have imagined, and more. It’s where you’re supposed to spend the next two years of your life. The facade of the building was built almost entirely out of glass, resembling high-end universities you’d only seen in the movies. You felt minuscule in front of the scale and the grandeur of it. Being in Seoul for a few weeks now…you’d realised it was all about towering glass and steel structures, weaved in between all of the imperial history. You just wish you could appreciate it more right now.

A girl at the front desk thankfully told you where to go, and you carefully navigated the hallways until you were at the top floor.

You stared at what was meant to be your classroom. Sunlight cascaded through a transparent glass rooftop, casting a beautiful glow on the plants. 

You only see green. There were plants of all kinds, flowers of every color and the air smelled sweet. It smelled citrusy, and like the drink Hyunjin made you on his last night. 

The door was made of glass too, a brass knob sparkling against the sunlight.

You must have taken a wrong turn somewhere. This isn’t an art studio. 

It’s a greenhouse.

Before you had time to retrace your steps, a girl interrupted you, “You’re not lost”

“I’m sorry?”

“Kim Jieong’s new student, right?” She asked, tilting her head at you. 

You wonder what it is about you that gave you away. Was it the clothes? Or maybe it’s the bag you’re clutching tightly to your chest, sketchbook peeking out from within it. You’re joining in the middle of an ongoing semester, so you already stood out. “Yeah” You managed to say.

She smiled, proud to have got it correct, “You’re at the right place. The room’s just through there, after the hydrangeas. I’m going in now, if you wanna follow me”

She couldn’t be much older than you, and she’s so well put together. 

Her accent was different, like she’s been born and bred in Seoul her whole life. She enunciated everything, frankly, in a way better to you. A denim skirt hung to her ankles, revealing Converse at her feet. Her hair was dirty blonde, tied up perfectly in place, and an amethyst choker sat at her collarbones.

You wonder if you’re underdressed on your first day of class. The creme cardigan you’re in is soft, and it’s comforting to your soul, but it’s not impressive. You found it in a thrift shop in Daejon; perhaps this is a sign you should go shopping here. You’re leading a new life, and you need clothes to match.

The girl was waiting for you to enter, but you’re not ready.

Kim Jieong has been your inspiration for as long as you can remember. He’s painted the most beautiful things known to you — expressing emotions you didn’t even know you had. The fact that he’s beyond those glass doors right now…you’re not ready. Yes…you’ve waited literally all your life, but you never thought it’d actually come to this. You wish you had someone to share this anticipation and excitement with, but all you have is your studio apartment, and its bare, dry walls. You’re trying to be positive, but somedays it feels impossible

A boy stepped through the elevator doors, and his eyes scrambled over your faded creme cardigan, and bag. You’re new here, and he’s clearly not. You can tell from the ease with which he carries himself, and by the way he looks like a picture-perfect rendition of an artist. If you searched “art student” on Pinterest, you’re pretty sure his picture would come up. He’s dressed in denim suspenders, expensive headphones hanging around his neck, paintbrushes tucked into his pockets.

“Hey” He smiled at you, “Are you… the student from Daejon?”

You nodded, holding your bag tighter on your shoulder, happy that he knew of your existence. You’d feared until the last minute that you getting in to the program had been another mess-up, and once you arrived…they’d tell you it was a mistake.

He tilt his head, “What’s your monogram?”

Your monogram. The initials you sign all your paintings with. You tell him your name, “Um…Y/N”

“Oh” He frowned, “I can’t remember if I’ve seen your work”

That’s because he hasn’t. You’ve never had a public exhibition, so how would he recognise you?

“Come on, you can get to know her later” The girl rolled her eyes at him, then looked at you, “Are you coming in…or are we going to chat here the rest of today?”

They didn’t tell you their names, even though you just told them yours. You should ask, but wouldn’t that come off too eager? 

“Yeah. Sure” You forced a smile at her, and the girl’s face softened at that. It’s like she wasn’t expecting you to do that, like she expected you to be soulless and cold. 

Tentatively, you stepped through the glass door, into the greenhouse-cum-studio. It’s like stepping in a fairytale, navigating through all the plants that jut out, magnificent fantastical flowers you haven’t seen even in the countryside. You reached out and touched a purple flower, the petals are coarse but the flower looked so soft.

You were walking on a metal walkway, a bridge over a little artificial stream. It reminded you so much of Daejon, it’s kind of funny that you’re actually thousands of miles away.

“Crazy place for a classroom, right?” The boy laughed. It’s like he read your mind.

You nodded, “I thought I was at the wrong place”

“You’ll get used to it” The girl looked over her shoulder to tell you. You’re standing between them, as they escort you to your class. 

“The hydrangeas” She muttered, pointing to a set of purple flowers as you pass them.

As if stepping into Narnia, the plants suddenly cleared up, revealing a room. It’s big, and there’s an assortment of chairs, tables, easels, shelves, and paint. There’s so much to take in. You watched with wide eyes, and the boy laughed.

“It’s cool, right?” He asked you.

“Yeah” You breathed, “You could say that”

There were already a few students sitting at their easels, but they were too distracted setting up their paints to look up and notice you. 

“Um, what are your names?” You ended up asking. Fuck being eager.

“I’m Minnie and that’s Jeonghan” She told you.

“No, I’m Nate. Nobody calls me Jeonghan except my mum” He rolled his eyes.

“Nate” You repeated, “Are you—”

“American? Yes he is, and feel free to call him Jeonghan…” Minnie finished your sentence, as she walked over to her easel.

He laughed, “I moved back to Korea a few years ago to study”

The room filled with people within seconds. There are not too many of you, just twenty, it’s an exclusive program after all. You looked around at the people who are supposed to be your classmates for the next few years. They all looked a little older than you and like they know their way around everything. 

There’s only one unmarked empty stool in the corner, and it must be yours. After all, this internship was so exclusive, there wasn’t any space for extras. You took your place, opening up your supplies onto the little table. The stool was comfortable and had a plush back, so you wouldn’t kill your back when you were painting. It was already infinitely better than your set-up at home.

Minnie and Jeonghan took their places too, settling into a comfortable rhythm. Your other classmates greeted them with big smiles, but obviously…they didn’t look at you. 

You’d never moved a day in your life, so this was unfamiliar — not knowing anyone in the room, and everything being new. But change was supposed to be good, right? You’d grown tired of stagnation, and so you’d chased this. Perhaps you could try conversing with the girls next to you, but where would you even start? They all knew each other from before. Why would they want to talk to a stranger?

A girl was giggling, settling into her chair, with two other friends, and they were teasing her about something but you don’t know the context. There was a cute boy across from you, and he was setting up his paints. He had earphones in, and was humming to the beat of an unknown song. He glanced up at you absentmindedly, but when your eyes met, your heart stung. 

You were trying desperately to not think of Hyunjin.

But you’ve only been here for five minutes and you see Hyunjin in everything around you. 

He would fall in love with this place — with the sunlight hitting the wooden boards, with how open it was, and he would probably know the name of every flower here. After all, he had to know to put them in pretty drinks to give to girls like you. 

A student sitting opposite you had bleached hair, and she pulled it up into a bun and you thought of him again. Nothing could compare how it felt to card your fingers through his hair, and tug at it when he kissed you. You’d braided it back in his room, and it had been so soft to the touch, slipping through your fingers like sand. 

“Hey” Someone tapped on your shoulder, and you pulled yourself out of the hopeless trench of daydreaming about him. You noticed her chunky platform boots first, and then you looked up at her, “Uh, hey”

“You’re the girl from the south?”

It was heartwarming that she started the conversation with you. You smiled, “Yeah. I’m from Daejon—”

“You’re in my spot”

“Sorry?”

“That’s my spot” She repeated, pointing at your seat.

“Oh” You realised. You’d already opened up your bag of supplies so you hurriedly grabbed your sketchbook, shoving it in your tote bag carelessly. Your paintbrushes dropped in the process, rolling off the table, and you wanted to die. Was it possible to be such a fucking cliche and embarrass yourself like this on the first day of class?

The girl made no move to help you, but you shouldn’t expect her to either. You stood up, holding the bag to your chest, and realised you had no place to sit anymore.

Before you could panic about the situation, someone else in the room caught your attention.

Kim Jieong was here.

He was standing in the centre, and you don’t know how the fuck you didn’t notice him until now. He must have just come in. 

You stood starstruck, at the worst time possible. He was in a beanie, and a thick coat. He had black-rimmed glasses on, and a slight scruff. He looked like all the pictures you’d seen of him, but better than you even imagined – the right mix of pretention and whimsical.

He was the embodiment of art and of inspiration. 

The little girl in you was screaming. 

You were transported back to the first painting you ever saw by him. It was in a magazine that Felix had stolen for you off the library racks. As kids, you and Felix had sat on his bedroom floor, flipping through the glossy pages. On the last page though, there was a painting of a lighthouse, with surrealistic waves hitting the shore. There was no article or editorial. Just that picture, with a name on the bottom. Kim Jieong, 2006. You’d ripped the page out, and kept it safe with you, before returning the magazine. You’d felt no guilt then, because it was the most beautiful art you’d seen then.

Kim Jieong, your favorite artist in history, was a real fucking person.  He was real, and he was looking at you.

The corner of his lip tilted up, “Hey”

Hey.

You’re going to fucking pass out.

He was talking to you. He knew you existed. “Um, hi” Your voice came out softer than it was, and you hope he couldn’t see the stars in your eyes. 

“Can I help you…?”

You could feel the eyes of everyone on you, and you gripped onto your sketchbook tighter, “I’m…the new student”

His eyes widened, “You’re Y/N…?”

He knew your name?

Now he was the one who looked caught off guard, “Shit, I’m sorry I completely forgot you’re coming in today. Nate, can you please help Y/N get a spare stool and easel?”

Nate, the boy you’d met before, smiled, “Of course I can”

Your earlier embarrassment slowly eased. Professor Jieong stepped to you with a poise that only masterminds possessed, “Be honest… Did you have any trouble finding this room? Most students do”

“No, I was just confused because…it’s not really a conventional classroom”

Jieong laughed, “Well, if you liked conventional things, you wouldn’t be here”

“You’re right” You smiled.

He pointed to a corner, “There’s your seat. I’m putting you next to Nate. He can help you out the first week. Even though it’s your first day, don’t worry I’m not going to make you talk about yourself in front of the class or anything like that. I know how much people your age hate that”

You smiled at that, relieved, and finally sat down at what was to be your place for the future. The view from here was so pretty, through the parted indoor trees, you could look out into the city. There were floor-to-ceiling windows sprawled out, and the sun was in your eyes, but you didn’t mind. It must get really hot in the summer, but right now it’s the cusp of winter, and so it was perfect.

“So, how are you liking Seoul, Y/N?” Jieong asked you, stepping in the way, shielding your gaze from the light. It was so early in the morning, but he was full of so much of vigour. You wish you could have energy to match him right now, but lately you just feel drained.

You smiled up at him, observing how the rays formed a halo around his head, “It’s all right…I, uh, I really love the food here.” 

Jieong paced across the room, making sure to look at each student, and there was so much comfort in his stance, as he talked to you, “I know you’re joining in the middle of this semester Y/N, and everything is going to feel very jarring. Usually, people get an intro class and some icebreakers so… don’t be afraid to ask me stuff, okay? There’s no stupid questions in here, right?”

“Debatable” Nate mumbled loudly next to you.

“That’s not what you said when I asked about the color combos last week” The girl with bleached hair chimed in. 

Jieong grinned, putting his hands on his hips as he came to a stop in the centre, “Haha. Don’t try so hard to make me look bad in front of the new girl”’

You laughed, “Don’t worry about it”

Jieong grinned at you, and you were still reeling from his attention as he talked, “We’re going to start on a new project for the next couple of weeks. I have a couple of field trips planned but today we are just going to explore some basic anatomy, okay?”

There was nothing more to be said. Everybody fell into a rhythm, and Jieong wasn’t even speaking anymore, but he filled the room with his presence. He had such a strong personality and clearly had a good rapport with all his students. You were looking forward to get to know him. 

This was such a beautiful room, and you had only been here a few minutes, but you were endlessly inspired. It reminded you of Aera’s, filling you with so much creative energy, you were bursting at the seams. You hoped that this emotion wouldn’t be lost on you. This was the first genuine excitement you’d felt since….since what happened in the shop. 

It’s been a few days, or a few weeks, you can’t really tell. Yet you play it in your head over and over again, trying to connect the dots. You give up every time, because nothing justifies what happened that night, and you don’t realise that most of your sleepless nights in this city pass by…just like that.

»»————-

There were good days, and bad days.

There was a separation between the art studio, and the rest of your life. In the studio, you were content, because you were distracted. At home…was another story.

Your apartment was a blank canvas, and as the weeks passed, you breathed life into each corner. The walls filled up slowly with the new artwork you created, with your works in progress from the apprenticeship. There were a few plants in your room to remind you of Daejon’s lushness.

You immersed yourself in the whirlwind of city life. Seoul sucked you in deep. You found a bakery you like, a grocery store you frequent, an art shop that fed your supplies. 

It’s strange, to have good days, but nobody to share it with. It feels pointless to be excited about something but having to keep it to yourself.

You were still teetering on the edge, you hadn’t visited nightclubs or bars — you found no time between the classes. The people at the apprenticeship were talented, in a way that made you doubt yourself but push harder. You tried to talk to the people around you, but you only saw them in classes, and your friendships didn’t exist beyond those canvases.

It was hard to make friends in the city. You hadn’t predicted the isolation that would come with moving here. Jeongin and you would occasionally bump into you at the stairwell, and that would be the most of your social interaction. You made time to meet Yeonjun each weekend, and he helped you buy some basic furniture for your apartment; a coffee table, a dresser, a mirror. They even helped you carry your new mattress up the stairs, and you invited them in that night for some wine, as a thank you.

You liked to think that you’ve settled into a routine as you washed the dishes in your new home, listening to the hum of the city traffic. In the quiet evenings that you spend with yourself, you drifted into daydreams and thought about him, but you stopped yourself before the longing gets too bad. 

Your apartment is so small. There’s no space in your life to be sad. 

You’re supposed to be living your dream after all.

»»————-

The sun in the art studio never bothered you. Instead, felt warm on your skin, energizing you.You attempted to channel the beauty of the room into each pencil stroke. It was hard to focus on your art, sketching out a few basics as your professor talked over a few prompts. This was only the beginning, so you were taking it slow. It felt like it had been ages since you drew, and your skills were getting rustic. 

When everyone was busy and distracted, Jieong came to you. “Doing okay, Y/N?” His voice was low to not disturb the other students, and you nodded.

“I’m good…just trying to get the hang of things”

“I understand” He smiled, and he was bent over to speak to you, “You’ll soon figure out the pattern. We experiment every class and you’re free to work on whatever medium you want. Don’t think of this as an art lesson, okay? It’s…refining your existing skills”

You smiled, “Yeah. I know I missed a few but I’m excited for the rest of the classes. I feel like I’ve hit a roadblock…with my own work, I end up only making the same kind of paintings every time”

Jieong nodded, like he’d heard this a million times, “But that’s exactly what I’m here for, okay? You can talk to me about anything you want. There’s also going to be a couple of field trips this semester, and you can meet some other mentors. In case you realise you hate my methods”

You laughed, continuing to sketch away, “I doubt that’s possible. I…I’m looking forward to those though”

“And not to sound too forward but…you look like you haven’t slept in a week, kid” He commented, with a chuckle, but there was no malice in his tone. Just a genuine observation.

“I haven’t” You admitted.

“Nervous?”

If nervous and heartbroken were the same emotion. Then yes, you were more nervous than anything. You settled and said, “This just means a lot to me” 

“What brought you to Seoul, if you don’t mind me…asking? Did your parents move here, or a boyfriend or somebody?” 

“Just looking for a change…” You said. It would be too much to tell him that you’d looked up to him half your life, and had worked your ass off the entire summer to get here….That you’d been willing to lose your friendships for this and that there was nothing in Seoul for you except this….It would be crazy to tell him that in the end, a boy had convinced you to be selfish and come here.

His lips curled up, oblivious to your internal worries, “A change? You’re in the right place then, sweetheart”

Sweetheart. You looked up at him, with obvious adoration in your gaze. Kim Jieong just called you sweetheart.

He reached out, to pat your back, “It can’t be easy moving, but I hope you know you made the right decision. If you’re looking for change…this is the place to be, and I’m really looking forward to know you and your art better. I can promise you that you’re going to be very happy here, Y/N”

You’re smiling, but it doesn’t reach your eyes. Maybe you needed the reassurance that coming here and uprooting your entire life wasn’t a mistake. It had felt all too much like that after Hyunjin’s disappointed encounter – making you feel that you should’ve just stayed where you were. 

You’d pined for this place for so long, yet you already missed your little hometown and your life there, because things with him were better back home.

It will take time to get better. It’s only the first day.

The weight of his words sank in, and you suddenly felt teary-eyed. There’s been a void in your heart for the longest time. You thought coming here would fill it up, but even as you’re painting in your dream class with your favourite artist, your heart feels dead. 

You ought to be insane to not be grateful. Seoul was the only thing you ever wanted, but maybe it’s time for you to admit that…wishes change. Dreams change.

A lump builds up in your throat at the horrible realisation that maybe, the only thing that can fill the void in your being was Hyunjin. 

»»————-

Today, you were drawing from life.

There was a model in front of you, and amongst all the plants, she looked like a siren plucked from the pages of an ancient Greek legend. She was sat on a barstool, dressed in a tight lace outfit. You focused on the detailing of her lingerie as you paint it into your canvas. Surprisingly, you’d never drawn anatomy from life before, you’d never ventured into that skill much.

Her set was made entirely of lace — thin flowers covering the chest, overlapping with vines and the model blends into the room's atmosphere. She looked beautiful in muted pastel colours, and you wish you could own a piece like that. You’ve found some time to revamp your wardrobe, and when you wear prettier clothes, you feel like you’re reinventing yourself. 

Daejon was usually always humid, so you never experimented with patterns, layers, and textures. It was the same skirts, the same tank tops, and sweatpants that you circulated through, and it was okay because your life was the same there everyday. Here…you’re trying to be different. 

Nate brought you out of your train of thought. He was poking a pencil in your leg, to get your attention, and you looked up at him. He was grinning, hair swept back. He’s handsome, in a conventional sense anyway, but you don’t let yourself think further than that. There’s no point.

You glanced at his canvas and he’s halfway through his portrait already. Somehow, he’s made the model look even more ethereal in person.

“Could I borrow the green swatch?” He asked, eyeing the watercolours you have in front of you. You’ve bought a lot of new art supplies, and it was quite frankly, a humbling experience. Everything is so much more expensive here, but the apprenticeship gives you some money for supplies, and you’re already halfway through it. The watercolour palette though, is your favourite. It’s Winsor & Netwon. In fact, it’s the same one you used the night of the Paint and Wine event at the Chateau.

“Of course” You told Nate, and handed him the palette. He dipped his brush right into it, taking away some green paint. Everybody around you was quiet, in a deep concentration as they worked on their pieces. Kim Jieong was circulating the classroom, hands on his hips as he observed every student. He stopped every few minutes, to help out, or give advice. 

It’s been some time, but you still felt starstruck around him. Some charms never fade. 

You’ve had little time to observe yet but it was obvious from day one - He’s insanely cool, and he teaches art in a way that makes you so grateful to be his student. He sees the world differently than you, and you’re in desperate need for that perspective. You’re tired of only seeing things your way.

So, you obviously immediately stop painting as he soon as he comes near you. You’re embarrassed as his eyes catch progress of your painting. You’re far behind the others.

“How’s that going?” He asked, in a hushed whisper to not divert attention off the class.

You dipped your paintbrush in water, letting it soak through, “I think…it’s okay”

Jieong frowned, just slightly, looking over your canvas. He had a pair of glasses pushed over his head and he slipped them back on, leaning in to look at your strokes. You’re self-conscious, rightfully, and you held your breath as he analyses the painting.

“Your strokes are very…careful” He looked back at you, “Like you’re afraid of making a mark on the paper”

You gulped, “I…sorry”

His eyebrows shot up, and he removed the glasses, keeping them on your desk. “Mind if I sit next to you, Y/N?” 

You nodded, and you’re ready to hear the end of it. He pulled up an abandoned stool, scooting close to you. You pulled your hands into your lap, and faced him.

He gets right to it, “All the work that I’ve seen of yours in the portfolio you submitted. You were usually more confident. Is something bothering you these days?”

So much is bothering you, yet none of it is an excuse. 

You haven’t come this far, just to slack off. You haven’t paid so much just to be average. You haven’t dreamt so long just to be careful. You’re holding back.

“No…nothing’s bothering me” You lied, manifesting that it will soon be the truth.

Jieong frowned at your blatant lie, because he’s obviously older and wiser and therefore he knows everything. “You’ve been getting enough sleep now?” 

There’s no point in hiding the truth. It’s more embarrassing to be caught in a lie, “Actually, not really…my place is still new to me. I’m still getting used to the bed, my room…the traffic. Where I’m from, it’s always quieter at night. I…also miss my friends”

Jieong smiled at your words, “Is that all? Because if so, then I’m not worried. You’ll settle in soon, and the loud traffic will soon fall on deaf ears”

“I know” You nod, you’re trying to be positive, “It’s just taking some time”

He nodded, and you think he’ll leave but says, “Have you visited any museums yet? Or been around the city?”

You’re conscious again, because everybody else is painting the model, yet you feel like a kid being reprimanded by their teacher.

“I haven’t had much time. I’ve tried to improve my skills at home”

“You’re in a metro city, Y/N. You should let yourself be inspired. I’m not asking you to go out and get drunk—” He laughed, “But maybe the trick is to tire yourself out so much during the day, you fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow”

You forced a smile, but it’s hard when he’s looking right at you, “You’re right. I should do that”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your painting” He apologised, “You can continue”

You nodded, picking up the paintbrush but you’re shaking. He’s still sitting beside you, and his observant gaze terrifies you. You feel like you’re ten years old again, trying to be perfect in art class.

His hand landed on your shoulder, “Don’t be nervous”

The fact that he’s caught on to you being nervous is embarrassing, and you decide to say, “It’s hard not to be. I’ve looked up to your art my whole life”

He smiled, in your peripheral vision, “Is that so?” He looked proud, the smile reaches his eyes, and you nodded to confirm.

You and him haven’t had too many personal conversations yet. He’s close to everyone else in class but you‘re still getting to know each other. So, he still has no idea what he means to you. He had kind eyes, and the way he carries himself makes him seem much younger than he is. He’s trying to put you at ease, and you feel slightly grateful. He didn’t need to do this, or come here.

“I went to your exhibition in Jeju” You told him.

His eyes lit up, “Is that how you heard about this program? I remember my team was handing out flyers for this program there”

“Yup, I went with my best friend. Well, I sort of dragged him there, but I’m glad I did because I saw the flyers. I never thought I’d actually get in here though”

“Yet here you are” He hummed, “At the fear of not sounding narcissistic, can I ask you what your favourite piece was?”

You smiled, “You’re one of the greatest living artists. I think you’re allowed to be a little narcissistic”

At your words, he laughed. It’s so loud that it catches the attention of the students next to you. Though they’re used to his magnanimous personality, they turn away soon enough.

“You’re too sweet” He told you.

“My favourite piece…” You trailed off, and you’re replaying the exhibition in your head. You had dragged Felix around every hallway, and he’d complained throughout. Your thoughts are overtaken by something else though. At the pool all those weeks away… you’d talked about this in detail with Hyunjin, the night you told him about your rejection. The night you sat with your feet dipped in the water, the night he touched you and told you how he’d tangibly changed you. He couldn’t have known in that moment, how right he was. You can feel the ghost of his touch on your fingers, on your lips, your thighs.

Jieong must have noticed the fall in your expression because he tilt his head, “Everything all right?”

“I’m sorry. I was…just trying to remember” You can’t let thoughts of Hyunjin paralyse you. 

“That’s okay” He said, simply.

“My favourite was Celestial Fatality” You said, “How…did you even come up with it?” You’d theorised this with Hyunjin…but now you could actually get some answers.

Jieong seemed surprised, “That’s a pretty morbid painting to love, Y/N”

“It’s beautiful though. It reminds me of the legend of Icarus”

“What do you like about it?” He leaned forward, and your heart jumped. He actually cares, and wants to know your opinion. The thought of it is crazy and makes you a little dizzy.

“It’s a cautionary tale…the pair of lovers drowning in moonlight, swallowed up in their own…hubris. They were probably told to stay away from each other, yet at the risk of their mortality, they still met”

Jieong seemed almost impressed, “You seem like a romantic person”

It’s a strange thing for him to say to you, in the middle of a Wednesday class. But he’s your favourite artist, and he’s absolutely right. For a romantic person, you’ve surely never had any good relationships to account for it though.

You shook your head, “I’m really not. I just like that painting. Something about it feels close to home. It’s almost like I can feel the pain of their mistake…of choosing each other over anything else in the world, even if that ends in their perishing…”

His lip curled up into a smile, “Fascinating”

Your chest felt heavy, but it feels so good to talk about this with him, “I hope one day I can create something with as much impact as that. I want to tell stories that linger, I think there’s a long time till that though…I mean I’m struggling with basic anatomy,. I guess I just need to get better….”

“I’ve only known you a few weeks, Y/N, but can I tell you something?”

“Hmm?”

He reached out, smiling warmly, “You’re way too hard on yourself. You’re in one of the greatest cities in the world. Live a little, kid”

»»————-

It had been just two weeks, but you’ve developed a habit. Every evening after class, you find yourself organising the canisters on the shelves.

“Should we be paying you for this?” Nate asked, stepping over to you. You don’t talk much in class, and when you do, it’s always in passing, like this. Right now, he had a bag slung over his shoulder, while he bit into an apple, the juice dripping down his chin. You wish you had more energy to put into your friendships right now but making new connections has felt so draining. You’d been too dependent on Yeonjun, but he can’t always be there.

He looked silly, eating fruit here, but you laughed, “I hope you’re joking”

“No, because why are you putting all of them in that order?” He asked, another crunch reverberated through the studio as he bit into it again.

“I actually worked in an art shop my whole life. Old habits…” You shrugged, looking at him.

“You’re kidding me” Minnie said, stepping up, “That explains it”

“Explains what?” You turned to them.

“Your desk is always so…strangely clean” She said. You don’t know her well too, but you love how she dresses. You love how she pours herself into her clothes, and expresses through them. She’s always wearing chunky jewellery, flowing skirts, corsets. Her art style is similar to it. It’s loud but dainty at the same time. 

“I’m gonna presume that’s a compliment” You laughed, picking up your sketchbook. “Can we get going, Nate, please?” Minnie asked him. 

“See you Monday” You smiled at them, turning to finish packing your things.

Nate looked at you over his shoulder, “Actually… You got any plans after class?”

You looked between them, “Not really, I was planning on brushing up on my anatomy. Why?”

Nate rolled his eyes, and he almost reminds you of Minho in this moment, “Even though that sounds like the bestFriday night ever…We’re going to this new bar that opened up. You wanna come with?”

Minnie jumped forward, eyes lighting up, “Shit, yeah! I think you might really like it. The whole place is themed like a post-apocalyptic nuclear bunker. Very cool”

“What?” You laughed, walking over to them with your bag, “That sounds really unique, but I don’t really want to intrude on your plan”

Nate stepped forward, offering his hand to you, “Your anatomy can wait till Monday morning. You’ve been in Seoul a few weeks, don’t you want to explore the cool shit already?”

“Are you sure?”

“We have an extra ticket anyway” Minnie suggested. They’ve never asked you to hang out with them before like this. You wonder what it was about today that made them try. 

You stared at his hand, outstretched to you. No inspiration was going to strike from you just sitting in your studio apartment every night. They were right, and you slipped your fingers in his. He smiled brightly…and that just happened to be the night you made your first friends in the city.

And…Nate had a lot of friends. 

You realised as much when you’re sitting at the booth, squished between Minnie and him, staring at a bunch of young adults you don’t know. 

They’re fun, and they’re on their fifth tequila shot of the night. In another life, this might have been your teenage years too. Attending Seoul University, having friends from affluent neighbourhoods, weekend nights out at the bar. Alas, everyone at this table is worth more than the average person’s income in Daejon, and the only cheap bar in your small town was run by an old creep.

Minnie handed you another tequila shot, her hand resting on your thigh. She’s very handsy and you don’t mind.

There’s been a few rounds of getting to know each other. You’re the new one, so you kind of feel like the baby of the group, even though they’re all older than you. Most of them came from America, but their Korean is so good you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Nate has attractive friends. Ha-ru, Renjun, Lily, Jamie. But none of them hold a candle to the boy you’re desperately trying not to think about. 

You came straight to this bar after class, so you had no time to change out of your paint-tattered clothes. Thankfully, you’re wearing the leather jacket Yeonjun bought you, and it does a great job of keeping you warm. Admittedly, his friends aren’t too dressed up either. They all came from work too, and you once again realise that life here is so different from Daejon. There’s no time for frolicking, or lounging around in diners and swimming in Creeks. Everybody’s working their ass off, to afford the lifestyle that Seoul asks for, the lifestyle you always killed for. 

“So, what brought you to this city, Y/N?” One of his friends asked you. It’s the only question you get asked these days. The most interesting thing about you is your newness, but they’re outgoing, so you’re not surprised at them making all these attempts to get to know you.

“Where do I start?” You joked, reaching for your drink, “I moved here from a little town near the mountains”

Your glass was tinted red, to match the theming of the bar. It’s a fancy place, and all the decor makes you feel like you’re underground. Even the bouncers are dressed up in what look like radioactive suits, for the whole nuclear bunker vibe.

Everything around you is neon. The tables, the lights, the dance floor. Each one of Nate’s friends has a neon necklace around their neck, and glow sticks as bracelets. You’ve seen those accessories in the movies, but you’ve never been to a party with them. Minnie made you a purple and blue glow-stick bracelet, and slipped it on your wrist a while ago. You’re fiddling with it as you talk to their friends. 

“Ah, a small town girl” One of his friends, Renjun, laughed, but you’re not offended. It’s true, after all.

“Why would you willingly choose the life path of a struggling artist?” Jamie asked. She’s cute. Her hair is dyed bright red, so you already like her.

You laughed, “A silly dream”

“What’s your dream?” Nate asked, squeezing your shoulder. You realised his arm is around you, and has been for a while. He smells nice, and so you let it linger. Even now, his huge headphones hang off his neck. He never goes anywhere without them, and you’re proud of yourself for picking up little habits and quirks in such less time already. 

Everybody has different reasons to be an artist, so you tell them yours, “I don’t know…I’ve been painting since I was a kid, but I think I’m ready to finally share my art with the world? That’s assuming other people would want to see it, but I guess I want to reach a point in my life where I’m proud of what I created, and hopefully I can inspire others. Also…because if I don’t become an artist, I have no idea what the hell I’ll do. It feels like the only thing I really enjoy doing”

It’s far too intense, and serious an answer for this bar, but Nate’s friends listened kindly. They smiled as you talked. It felt a little lame, sure. It also feels unachievable, but Minnie grinned, and pat your thigh, “I mean….wow, you’re halfway there! You made it to Jieong’s studio”

She’s right. You’ve been sad and moping this whole time, and you decide that tonight needs to be the night you want things to change. After what Jieong told you earlier today, you deserve a little fun, enough fun for the sirens and the traffic to become your lullaby as you fall asleep.

“But why Seoul? You have enough talent to make it to Paris” Jamie asked. She has piercings too, and you get distracted by how well they complimented her.

“I’d have to live on the streets” You bite your cheek. Maybe they can’t relate because they’re so much more well-off, but Nate laughed, and said, “Isn’t that an artist’s rite of passage?”

You smiled, and downed the last of your drink. 

“Well, since you’re one of us now. Here’s your honorary tiara!” Jamie said, handing you a neon golden tiara across the table. You grabbed it, placing it atop your head and Minnie clicked a picture of you, joking about you being a princess from humble beginnings. Her words slur a bit, and you’ve been here more than an hour, so it explains why everybody’s already tipsy.

The dance floor was absolutely full, and there’s couples grinding on each other. There are so many pretty girls, and attractive guys surrounding them. Girls in tight dresses with no care in the world, and boys trying to flirt to catch their attention. There’s probably someone falling in love right this second, in this very bar, and you’re people-watching for a while. Everybody’s neon accessories are glowing in the blacklights, and it’s a beautiful scene, straight out of a movie.

When you tune back into the conversation, Jamie’s telling the group about some jerk at her workplace today, and you try to follow her story, except you’ve already lost the context. It’s probably the lack of sleep and all the alcohol in your veins.

You don’t have to try for long though since Renjun interrupted it, “Shit, is that Baekhyun?” 

The name is familiar, and you all craned your heads to see who he’s pointing out. 

There’s a well-dressed man at the far end of the bar, and he’s indulging in tequila shots, with two girls by his side. He’s beautiful, and he has silver hair.

“Who he is?” You asked, but you already know. Hyunjin has mentioned a Baekhyun before…and you’ve grown up hearing about him on television too, but this can’t possibly be him.

“A singer” Jamie said.

“Oh. He’s…the Baekhyun?” You dropped your voice. It felt weird talking about him when he’s right there, “Isn’t he like… a superstar?”

Nate nodded, “He’s one of the top, yeah. Even my mum’s obsessed with him. Why are you so surprised? Never seen an idol in the wild?”

If only he knew…

You craned your neck to see Baekhyun making out with the girl at the bar, tongue and all. “I didn’t know they can be so open…” You frowned, unable to comprehend the scene before you.

“Why wouldn’t they? He’s like twenty five. I know you’re not from the city but you’re not that old fashioned, are you?” Nate laughed.

You shook your head, but the little movement hurts you because you’re tipsy too, “No, it’s not that. I just thought…aren’t they prohibited from all of that? The drinking and everything…in public”

Minnie laughed, “Come on, you don’t seriously believe that Y/N”

It wasn’t just your belief. It’s what Hyunjin had told you, time and time again. His reputation was more important than anything, and his company would never let it be tarnished. Indulging in things like this…would definitely alter public perception of him. 

“Well…they’re like super controlled by their companies” You told them. This was one thing you knew more than them. You’d heard first-hand accounts of it.

“Yeah, but none of them follow those rules” Nate laughed, and he’s drawing circles on your shoulder as he speaks, “Every single idol I know is like a sex freak”

“To put it kindly: they fuck like bunnies” Jamie clarified, “All that pent up frustration. Plus they’re all hot, and spend all their time together. It’s only natural”

“But…they’re not allowed to date publicly” You spoke, yet it came out more as a question.

Nate shrugged, “Still. They’re a bunch of horny twenty year olds, Y/N. You can’t be that naive”

“I’m not” You defended, “I just thought…Someone told me that… it’s really looked down upon, that they could get kicked out of the company”

Renjun leaned forward, jutting his head towards Baekhyun, “Does that look like the face of a man worried about being fired?” 

Surely not. He was now making out with the other girl on his arm, while the previous one kissed his neck, at the bar for everyone to see. You’re sure people were taking pictures of them too, whoever wasn’t drunk enough to comprehend this.

“My friend’s worked with a couple of them. They’ve literally all fucked each other. And honestly, if I led a lifestyle as stressful as that? I would too” Renjun laughed.

“Most of them are dating too” Jamie said. 

It felt like a dark cloud washed over you. Were you wrong about everything you assumed about Hyunjin’s life? 

“Who told you that anyway, Y/N?” Minnie asked.

“Just some guy who works at Pegasus” You mumbled, twirling your glass on the table. Pegasus was the label Hyunjin’s group is under, but there’s enough artists in that company to not arouse any suspicion. 

“Why are you so curious about this anyway? You’re in the mood to fuck a famous guy?” Nate asked.

You shook your head, “No, it’s just interesting to think about…”

If you could still talk to Hyunjin, you’d call him right now and ask him all about this, and why nobody seemed to care that Baekhyun was feeling up two girls in this very public place. It was like looking into an alternate reality, where nobody cared about what they were up to. A better reality than yours surely, yet you couldn’t process it. You hadn’t been interested in idols before Hyunjin, and after Hyunjin, all you’d known was their endless restrictions.

Minnie finished the tequila in your glass, “I could never be famous. I’d get cancelled on day one”

You smiled at her joke, but your mood had already dampened. Nate was right. You were naïve to think that none of them broke the rules, just because Hyunjin didn’t want to. You stared at the condensation ring your glass left.

Minnie nudged you in your stomach, as if noticing the lull in your emotions, “Wanna get another drink with me at the bar?”

You desperately wanted a drink, so you could finally let go and enjoy the rest of tonight, “Aren’t we going to be hungover for class tomorrow?”

She rolled her eyes, “Class isn’t till eleven. We’ll be fine. Plus, Jieong knows we drink every Wednesday”

So you followed her to the bar. Baekhyun wasn’t there anymore, and he must have left with the girls. “This place is really cool” You told her, hiking up on a bar stool as she ordered you two Tequila Sunrises.

“Isn’t it? We try to go out every week, it keeps us sane. I mean, there’s so many places to explore too, you know what I mean?”

You nodded, even though you’re all about routine and less about spontaneity, “I get it”

Your drinks arrived, decorated with two cherries on top, and a slice of orange. 

“So, you have a boyfriend yet?” She asked you, chewing on her straw. You knew the question was coming, so you’re not surprised and you don’t flinch.

“No” You shook your head, “I haven’t had one for a while”

She hummed, “Why? It’d be fun to get one, while you’re here”

You laughed, sipping on your drink, “Get one? You say that as if I can just go shopping for a new boyfriend”

The drink was citrusy — a blend of tequila and orange juice. Yet your favourite drink is still the one Hyunjin made you, complete with the flower from his home garden.

She rolled her eyes, “No, I mean, you’re pretty. Look around us and just pick a cute boy. Boys in Seoul are so desperate they’ll be very easy to get”

You laughed, “You’re not serious, are you?”

“I am!” She seemed offended, “Then we could even go on double dates”

“You have a boyfriend?” 

She smiled, “A girlfriend. But we’re on the down low”

You’re surprised, “Really? What’s her name?”

She laughed, pointing at your booth, “You met her. It’s Jamie. She’s at the table”

Your eyes widened, “Shit. You’re dating Jamie?”

“I know, we don’t seem like a couple, right?” 

They hadn’t been all over each other so you hadn’t presumed they were together, but perhaps their love was stable, so they didn’t need to be. You took a long sip of your drink, “No, I just…I just didn’t know”

She shrugged, “We don’t really tell anyone. Not everybody gets it”

“Thank you for telling me. I know we haven’t talked much in class, and you don’t even know me that well, but—”

She interrupted you, keeping her hand on your thigh, “Stop, Y/N. I’ve seen your art, and honestly that speaks to me so much more than knowing someone for years. It’s like reading a personal diary, don’t you think? Art reveals so much of who we are”

You smiled, her words stroking a growing flame in your heart, “What does it reveal about me?”

She chewed on her straw further, smile tugging at her lips, “All I need to know. And since we’re all in Jieong’s class now, I hope you know we’ll basically be family by the end of the year”

“You’re really sweet…I was kind of nervous joining in the middle of a semester, but I’m so glad I’m here. Thank you for taking me out tonight too”

“Of course. You’re the newest addition to the group, we had to”

It feels so sudden, and fast, but you’re thankful they consider you a part.

“So” She leaned forward, “Pick a boy to kiss tonight”

You shook your head, laughing, “No, I can’t” You’re tipsy, but you’re not that drunk, and the idea of kissing someone who’s not him, hurts you far too much. You also can’t imagine enjoying it.

“Why?” She pouted.

You wonder what’s the best way to say it. You forced a smile, “I’m…in love with somebody else”

Minnie’s eyes widened, as if you’d been keeping a secret from her for years, “What? Who?”

You played with the orange slice in your drink, “Just a boy from my town”

“Can I ask what happened?”

You swallowed, gaze wavering from hers, “Uh…it’s complicated, Minnie”

“Did he break your heart?”

You looked up at her, “We…lost touch” 

It sounds stupid to say in the 21st century. Those kind of things don’t happen anymore. It’s not like you are ancient lovers who separated due to circumstances. Yet it feels more like that every day. You wish you just knew what happened. There must be a reasonable explanation for why he acted this way.

Minnie frowned, “I see…”

You know she’s curious, but nobody could ever understand the complexity of what happened between you and him this summer anyway. You don’t think you understand it yourself.

“Let’s just not talk about him” You mumbled, finishing the rest of your drink. You’d been drinking so fast tonight, you didn’t realise how much you’d had.

“Hey…” A voice interrupts you, and you turned to see Jamie, “I was looking everywhere for you”

Minnie rolled her eyes, “The only place you should look is the bar”

“You’re right” Jamie slung an arm around her, pulling her close, “Can we go dance, baby?”

Minnie grinned, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, “Y/N, do you wanna come with?”

You looked between them, and they look so cute together. Jamie was leaving little pecks on Minnie’s shoulder as they talked. They complement each other so well — Minnie with her light hair, and Jamie with her fiery red. You haven’t known Jamie before tonight, but their personalities seem so contrasting too. 

You jumped off the barstool, “I’m actually gonna go to the bathroom, okay?”

“Cool. We’ll be here” She smiled, walking off to the dance floor with her girlfriend.

There’s a line at the bathroom so you stand in it, hugging yourself. The music isn’t as loud here, so it’s nice to get some time to your thoughts. A couple is making out in front of you, and the guy is grabbing her ass, pushing her to the wall. The club walls aren’t the most sanitary for this, but the music playing is sexy, and the atmosphere is so hot. There’s nothing wrong with daydreaming…so you let yourself drift into it. If he were here…you don’t think that would have stopped you either. In a dress that’s too short for you, the two of you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off each other the whole night.

Except… he would have definitely stopped you. You can never imagine a day where he’d kiss you in the middle of a crowded bar.

Once you’re finally in, you splashed some water on your face. Some of it gets on your top. Pushing your hair back, you stared at yourself in the mirror. The image looking back at you is blurry, and out of focus. Pink neon strips surround the mirror, but the light hurts your eyes. The alcohol has got to your head, and your reflection is already spinning. You take in a breath, gripping the counter tightly. You suddenly feel sick. It’s not the drinks. It’s the image burned into your head of Baekhyun at the bar. How is he living his life with so much ease, when all you had with Hyunjin are stolen moments? You’re happy that perhaps the rules aren’t the same for everyone…but it feels unfair. 

You wonder if you’re destined to always feel this way, this loss, like a hole in your heart where he belonged. Tears threatened to spill but you hold them back. You can’t be the girl crying in the bathroom, on her first night out. That would be so fucking pathetic, you’d pity yourself.

“Fucking asshole!” A voice interrupted your breakdown, and through the neon mirror, your eyes fall on a girl as she runs into the bathroom, aggression plastered on her features. She’s in a tight top, and it’s soaking wet. It looks like someone spilled a drink on it. She looked rightfully annoyed, coming to stand next to you at the sink. You wonder who she got into a fight with, or how the drink ended up on her clothes. 

She’s furiously wiping away at her top, but it’s completely wet, purple liquid seeped in. Tearing off tissues one after the other, she seemed frustrated when the dispenser is out.

You’re still zoned out, and you don’t realise you’re holding out a toilet paper roll to her. Your limbs seemed to move on their own accord.

She glanced up at your reflection, with wide eyes. Bangs fall to the front of her eyes, and thick eyeliner darkened her gaze. A nose piercing catches the neon light. Despite the mess on her shirt, she easily looks like the coolestgirl you’ve ever seen.

“Thank you” She frowned, but her shoulders visibly relaxed at your gesture. She grabbed the paper roll from you, and you turned to leave.

“Some dude threw a drunk at me when I said I didn’t wanna dance with him” She said. It takes you a second to register that she’s talking to you.

So you turned around, crossing your arms to hold yourself, “Oh…ouch. Some people just can’t take a no, I guess”

She laughed, looking at herself in the mirror, “Right? I looked in his direction for a second, and he took that as an invitation”

Her clothes …are completely ruined, and you can see her bra. It’s way past the point of saving. It would have been a cute outfit, if it wasn’t for the huge stain at the front.

“Who was he? Maybe I can get my friends to talk with him” You told her, and you don’t know why you’re offering up Nate and Minnie to fight a random stranger, just for this girl.

Still, she laughed, “Your friend would beat up a stranger for me?”

You smiled, and said without hesitation, “If I ask him nicely enough. Actually… I think me and him just became friends today, so I can’t promise you”

She laughed, “A night of firsts for you too then”

“For me too?” You questioned, and you’re still looking at her through the bathroom mirror.

“It’s my first night out on the city after a long time. I honestly just needed to get out. I thought I’d go insane in my apartment” She told you, and then looked down, “What am I gonna do with this?”

You don’t think, “You can have my jacket”

Her eyebrows shoot up, and she whipped around to look at you. You realise up close, she’s even prettier than in her reflection, if that’s possible. 

“You’re serious?” She tilt her head, and looked over you, gaze drifting to the leather jacket that clings to your body, “That looks new”

“You can return it to me” You offered. 

“You trust me enough to do that?” She smiled, and dimples appear in her cheeks. 

“You… seem nice enough”

She looked at your jacket yet again, thinking it over in head, “No, I couldn’t. Won’t you be cold?”

“I’ll be fine, and you definitely can’t wear that” You said, pointing to her blouse that sticks to her body.

She sighed, looking down at herself, and then gives in. You wonder why you’re convincing her to take your jacket. Maybe because she’s the only thing that stopped you from having an actual breakdown in the bar bathroom. She peeled off her blouse, cursing again at how it sticks to her body as she did so, and it leaves her in just her bra. She squeezed the blouse over the sink, wringing it, and purple liquid dripped out.

“That’s gross” You remarked, and she laughed. You handed your jacket to her. Inside, you’re thankfully wearing a tank top so you’ll be fine. She zipped it up, and it’s a little tight on her, but it does the job. It obviously doesn’t match with the denim skirt she’s wearing, but still you smiled, “Cute outfit”

“I look insane” She laughed.

“Well, hey, at least that’ll keep the creepy guy off you” You told her. You then realise you’ve been here far too long, “Um, I should probably head out. My friends would be worried”

She giggled loudly, turning to you, “Wait, but thank you. You’re…really nice. It’s not often you meet people with the likes of you here”

“I’m not from here but…I’m sure anybody else would have done the same thing” You suggested, standing at the door to leave.

“Well, I asked like six girls for help but all of them said no” She mumbled.

Your heart clenched. Perhaps it’s true that people in the city really are so consumed in their own lives. Maybe that’s why everyone in your town hated them.

“Where are you from then?” She asked you.

“You won’t really know it”

Her eyebrows shoot up, as if you challenged her, “Come on, try me. I was a pro in geography in high school!” 

“It’s a town called Daejon”

Her eyes widened, “Daejon? Yeah, I do know where that is!”

“Oh” You smiled, and you don’t know why you’re telling everybody about yourself tonight, but it feels nice. 

“I actually knew somebody from there” She said, and that’s what really catches your attention.

“You do?”

“Yeah” She smiled, but says nothing more.

Someone suddenly tugs at your sleeve. It’s Minnie, and she hooked her arm around yours, pulling you out, “You’ve been in here for like, an hour. We’re going to another bar. Nate and the others are waiting for us” 

You glanced back at the girl, and said, “Sorry! I, um, gotta go”

You’ve made it all of two steps out of the bathroom and back into the bar, before she tapped on your shoulder. She yelled to be heard over the music, it’s so much louder out here, “Wait! How should I get this jacket back to you?”

You’re clearly drunker than you thought since you just handed her your shit and were walking away without any plan of how to get it back, “Um yeah, I can give you my number. I’m Y/N, by the way”

“Y/N” She repeated, pulling her phone out to save your number, “My saviour”

You enter hers, and you’re in a hurry because Minnie is pulling at your sleeve, whining about how the others will be annoyed, “What should I save yours as?”

“You can just put in Kairi!”

“Sorry?” You looked up at her, freezing. The pounding music overtakes your senses. You must have misheard her…

“Kairi. My name!” She smiled, and you’re staring at her stupidly for a second just as Minnie tugs at your arm, and before you can ask her any further questions, she dragged you back into the bar.

»»————-

At 6:46 a.m., there was a text on your phone.

heyy its the drunk girl you gave your jacket to last night :) im very grateful for it and would like to give it back. where do you work, yn?

You’re surprised she remembered your name. 

Last night flooded through your brain. You’d gone out drinking with your friends, and then to another bar, and you’d come home without your jacket… dead in the night. Jeongin had seen you struggling with your keys, and he’d let you in. You’d been so fucking drunk, but nothing can erase the memory of that girl.

She said her name was Kairi. Chan’s ex-girlfriend was a girl named Kairi. The girl he was in love with for years, the girl he was going to ask to marry, before something happened…and they broke up. That had also been around the time Hyunjin had stopped talking to you…

How many Kairis could possibly live here? It’s probably just…a random Kairi, and not the one Hyunjin had told you all about. Although knowing your luck, Chan’s ex-girlfriend was possibly texting you, and this was all kind of insane. You can’t even go a single day without being reminded of Hyunjin, and it feels like life is playing a cruel trick on you by introducing you to Kairi. It’s too big a coincidence. It’s so crazy and convoluted that you should just block the number and never think about this again. She had no idea who you are, and it feels like you’re tricking her by knowing her identity. 

But Yeonjun gave you that jacket so you can’t just let it go, and so you text her back. Just so you can get it back. Nothing more to it. 

hey, im actually a student but i can come to where you work, and pick it up

a student? that explains why you’re so sweet and i work near the outskirts, it’ll be too far for you.  why don’t we meet up at the paris baguette near hannam? is that all right for you for tonight?

i actually have class at eleven 

ah  how about now then?

You sat up immediately. You’re still in your pyjamas and hungover as fuck. Now?

»»————-

Kairi was standing outside the Paris Baguette when you arrive, tote bag slung over her shoulder. She looked absolutely stunning in the morning, miles more so than the club bathroom, and your heart shakes a little. Sober, she’s prettier, and even more confident.

“Hey” You walked up to her, trying not to think about how weird this all was. You’re just here for the jacket, and then you’re going to leave, “Morning”

“Hey, stranger” She smiled bright, dimples returning.

“I’m sorry if I was late” You apologised. 

“No, don’t mind me, I just like to show up way too early. Here’s your jacket!” She reached into her bag, handing it to you, “I had it dry-cleaned in the morning. Didn’t wanna return it with the alcohol smell over it”

“Oh. Thank you” You smiled, “You didn’t need to do that”

“Of course I did. I’m buying you breakfast, by the way”

“You’re what?”

“In fact, I got here early to beat the rush. Got you some pain au chocolat before it sells out!”

Fuck. No wonder Chan was in love with her.

This feels far too weird though, and you can’t be hanging out with her, “I should…get going, Kairi”

“You remember my name, Y/N” She grinned, unfazed by you constantly wanting to just get the fuck out of here.

“Of course…you, uh remembered mine, but I should really go”

“Well, I’m not letting you go that easily. I already bought us food”

You watched, helpless, as she reached into her bag to bring out a little box, “Do you want to walk with me? There’s a place in the park we could grab coffee from”

You really shouldn’t. Every bit of you is screaming at you at how you shouldn’t do this. But she looks far too happy for this early in the morning, and you don’t want to be to the ruin her entire day so you gave in, “I…can’t ever say no to coffee”

Kairi grinned, triumphant as she led you to the park, and when you bite into the chocolate croissant that she bought you, this doesn’t feel like such a big mistake.

You’re walking, and her elbow brushed against yours as she asked you, “You said you’re a student”

“Mmh” You nodded, through a mouthful of croissant. The chocolate sticks to your lips and you wipe it off, conscious of how you look around her.

“So, tell me more, Y/N. What are you a student of?”

You’re feeling the nerves in your tummy, and you need to act normal because this is just a girl. It doesn’t matter if Chan is her ex-boyfriend, or if she’s friends with Hyunjin. You can’t make it weirder than it already is. “I study art” You told her, “At the Atelier”

“Art?” Her eyes lit up, “I swear I always attract the creative people”

“Yeah?” You glanced at her, swallowing another bite of the croissant. 

She shook her head, as if to dismiss the thought, “Mmh. So what kind of art do you learn?”

It’s a chilly morning in the park, but it’s beautiful. People are walking their dogs, and old couples are sitting on benches, and you’re with a kind stranger who was buying you coffee. 

“All kinds, but mostly painting” You told her, leaning against a little fence as you two come to a stop. There’s a little stall set up in the popular trail of the park, and a sweet woman is selling coffee and cakes. Kairi paid for your drinks, and you watched her from where you stand.

“I have a friend who likes to paint” She told you, smiling as she walked back over to you, “Personally, it’s not for me”

“What do you do?” 

“Be careful, it’s hot” Kairi warned, handing the steaming cup of mocha to you. You wrapped your hands around it, and lift it to your cheek, letting the warmth travel to your face.

She giggled, “Who needs heat packs when we have caffeine?”

You nodded, taking a sip of it as you looked at her. She can’t seem to stay still, and she’s walking across a circle of pebbles, as she chats away and sips at her coffee. She’s so endearing, and she reminds you of a mix of Felix and Minho. Today, her hair is pulled up into a bun, strands falling around her face. Her makeup is lighter than it was yesterday too, but she’s prettier in the daylight.

“Oh and…I work in corporate. It’s…a boring job, but I think I’ve had enough of an exciting life” She hummed. You let yourself get comfortable, crossing your ankles across the dirt, enjoying the warm coffee, as she told you about her job, and the kind of clients she’s had. You tell her about your apartment, and about how you’d be locked out so frequently, if it weren’t for Jeongin. You tell her about Yeonjun too. 

You’re trying really hard to not bring up anything that can give you away. You’re so curious, you��need to know if this is the same Kairi that you’ve heard of this whole while. Kairi is a common enough name, even if you asked, what would you say? The boy I love is in a band with your ex-boyfriend. It’s insane to bring up, so you settle for something simpler, “Um…can I ask why you’re buying me coffee on a Friday morning?” 

She looked up at you, smiling, “Would you judge me if I said I’m going through a really shitty time? I kind of want to remind myself that there’s still good stuff in the world”

“Oh. I’m sorry” You apologised, staring at your feet. That was inappropriate to ask.

“Don’t be sorry. We all have our own baggage to deal with”

“Yeah. I get you” You said, taking another sip of the mocha, “Um, so don’t you have work today?”

“No” She laughed, “I’m taking a mental health day, as cringe as that may sound”

Your chest squeezed. It sucked to see her go through this, whatever it was, and you barely know her. “We all need that sometimes” You shot her a smile, “It’s not…cringe at all. Don’t worry. In fact, the world would be a better place if everyone took a mental health day once in a while”

She stepped up to you, eyes lost in thought, “You know…you remind me of someone”

“I do?”

“Mmh” She nodded, “My boyfriend, he—Sorry, ex-boyfriend, he was just like you”

Now you’re definitely crossing a line, but you’re self-destructive so you ask anyway, “Can I…ask what happened?”

She tilt her head, pausing between sipping her mocha, “It’s not really morning coffee worth news. I wouldn’t want to bore you with the details but we’re…taking a break…indefinitely”

You swallowed, “I’m sorry to hear that”

She shrugged, wiping some foam off her lips, “Don’t be. I know that…things are going to be okay”

You can’t resist asking, “How can you be so sure?”

“Well. He’s the only person I think of, when I’m sad…and also when I’m fucking happy. I know that he feels the same, and if two people can’t stay away from each other, it just means…they aren’t supposed to be apart” She laughed.

Your stomach clenches at that. You should believe that, except it’s impossible. 

“I wish that I could be as positive as you are” You end up saying.

“You said you’re from Daejon, right?” It comes out of nowhere. Why is she bringing it up now?

You felt a rush in your chest at her question, “Yeah. I am.”

She pokes her tongue in her cheek, and you don’t know where she’s headed with this, “One of my friends was born there”

“Oh…” You try hard not to react, but you’re so easy to read, you give everything away. Anybody would be able to see you’re hurting.

“He’s a painter too. Well…not professionally, but…he wishes he was. He’s so talented. in another life, I’m sure he’s much more successful than even Da Vinci”

You know exactly who she’s talking about, and you can’t hear this. You’ll end up crying or something, so you finally do the right thing and say, “Um. I think I should leave, Kairi”

Her eyes widened, and she seemed confused, stepping towards you, “What? Did I say something wrong?”

You’re pressed up to the fence, facing her, “No. I’m just going to be late for class if I stay and—”

“I said something wrong” She interrupted you, face hardened. 

You look at your feet, and you shouldn’t have come here with her. You’re far too sensitive for this, “No, you didn’t”

“Wait…You know who I’m talking about, right?” She continued, and you wish she’d stop.

“I don’t” You said, and your jaw is clenched from the lie.

Kairi’s gaze is unrecognisable, and her voice feels far away, “You’re…the Y/N…aren’t you?”

You’re squeezing the cup in your hand, “What?” 

“I wasn’t sure…I had a doubt but the more time I spend with you, the more obvious it gets who you are”

Your voice fell to a whisper, “You know me?”

“All he did was talk about you.”

A burning flame consumes your heart, and you can’t breathe, and you asked even though you know the answer, “Who…?”

“Hyunijn… He would be making up excuses just to keep bringing you up, in each conversation. He talked about you every second he could.”

You think you’re going to have a panic attack in the middle of the park.

“He did…?”

“Until… a few months ago he completely stopped. He…hasn’t said your name since”

You swallowed, and there’s tears in your eyes, “I’m sorry I…need to go, Kairi. Thank you…for the coffee”

She doesn’t say anything.

This time, she lets you leave.

»»————-

You’re a mess. 

It’s been a few days since you saw Kairi in the park, and you’re a fucking mess. You can’t stop thinking about her, about what happened with Chan, and about Hyunjin. 

You’re sitting on the floor of your apartment, and your vision is all blurry as you try to paint. There’s an assignment due in a few hours, and you’re not even halfway done. Unproductivity has plagued you. Why do you get so fucking emotional? You wish you at least had some closure. It’s not fair that Hyunjin decided to just move on, and not tell you what was up. 

Your phone buzzed, and it’s only Nate.

you coming to class?  the field trip is planned for today so you better not skip it yn

You don’t even want to get out of bed, but you can’t skip it. Kim Jieong has been talking about this trip for weeks. He’s had to move a lot of schedules around to make it happen. You’re supposed to be visiting an artist friend of his— someone who owns art galleries and does frequent viewing exhibitions. The thought of meeting another real artist like that used to excite you. You had never got this chance back home, and this is just the beginning of the opportunities you get. You can’t be wasting away your time in sadness. That’s what gets you out of bed. That, and the thought of disappointing your professor potentially. These days, it feels like you’re just hanging on by a very thin thread.

When you arrive to the Atelier, everybody’s already gathered in the parking lot, ready to depart. You hate being late, but you spot your friends by the corner and you find comfort in walking over to them. Professor Jieong was in the middle of briefing everyone, and handing out access cards.

“You decided to show up” He said to you, smiling, “We were getting worried”

“I’m sorry. I ran into traffic” You apologised.

“Don’t worry” He laughed, handing you your card, “This will get you in and out of the building, but try not to use it too much. Karina would get into a shit load of trouble if my students are found wandering on the other floors”

Karina is the artist you’re supposed to meet today, apparently she’s big in the art world here in Seoul. You hope one day…you can be too.

Nate’s holding a plastic bag to his chest, and he looks cute today in a pastel sweater, “I packed some extra snacks for you, Y/N”

“You didn’t need to” Your heart warmed at his consideration. 

“Come on, we’re on a tight schedule, so…let’s hurry up, okay?” Jieong announced.

“Since you’re late, you have the honor of riding with the prof” Nate smirked, jutting his head towards Kim Jieong.

“Are you serious?” Your eyes widened, “Just me alone?”

“You’ll be fine, Y/N” Minnie laughed, “He has a bias towards you”

“That’s only because I’m the new one here!”

“No, it’s because it’s impossible to not like you” Nate rolled his eyes.

Jieong approached your group, hands on his hip, “So…which one of you is coming with me?”

“She is” Minnie chirped, pushing you in his direction.

Nate hummed as he walked away, “If I remember correctly, he is your favourite artist, isn’t he?”

You’re embarrassed, and also pissed at your friends. Jieong lead you to his car in the parking lot. You watched Nate get in his jeep and he laughed at your predicament.

Jieong smiled at you as you got into his car, “Oh, don’t be shy, Y/N. This will give us a chance to know each other better, won’t it?”

You sank into his seat, flushing, “Right” 

»»————-

The skyscrapers of Seoul passed you, as you drove through crowded streets and glitzy buildings, “Should I be nervous?”

He looked over at you, “Karina is one of my favourite students. She used to intern with me a few years ago. She couldn’t get off her meetings, so we’re gonna visit her at work. That’s all it is. Nothing to be nervous about”

You’re sitting in the passenger seat and it’s been mostly quiet as you fiddled with the access card in your lap, “What kind of work does she do?”

“She’s a curator. I asked her to be a sort of…mentor for you kids throughout the semester. She’s had her fair share of exhibitions”

It feels strange to ride in his car, next to him. You’re his student after all, “Do I get credit for this, Mr. Jieong?”

He glanced at you, “Of course you do. I’m not doing this on my dime, Y/N. We’re here, by the way”

At his words, you leaned forward to catch a glimpse of the building you’re arriving at. He pulled straight into the garage, and you briefly caught the glamorous exterior.

“This is where she works?” You gaped, “She must be one hell of an artist”

Jieong laughed as he pulled the car into a guest parking spot, grabbing a ticket, “Obviously the entire building doesn’t belong to her.”

You told him about Yeonjun’s workplace, as you waited in the car for all of your classmates to show up, “One of my friends…he works in a building like this, but it’s so…monotonous. I kind of hated it” 

He laughed, “Well, I think you’ll love this one. It’s brimming with creativity. They have beautiful art hung in every corridor too. Karina’s workspace is on one of the upper floors”

“I’d kill to have an office like that. The view must be so good”

Jieong smiled at you, “You continue working as passionately as you do, and you will have whatever the hell you dream of, Y/N. You name it, and it’ll be yours”

He unclipped his seatbelt, and your stomach felt uneasy from anticipation as you got out of the car. Even the parking garage looks expensive, and glamorous. Way, way more than Yeonjun’s building.

“Am I underdressed? Will they let me in?” You blurted, even though it’s hardly appropriate to ask him that. You’re in a peach tube top and wish you’d grabbed a blazer or something. If the place has a dress code…you probably won’t be let in. Thankfully, the skirt falls to your ankles and isn’t too short. He looked back at you, eyes raking over your outfit, and you felt embarrassed. You shouldn’t have asked him.

His lips curled up into a smile, “You look fine, Y/N. Don’t worry”

Fine. That would have to do.

You waited near the elevators, as your classmates also made their way to you. Nate was smirking as he saw you with your professor. You rolled your eyes at him, and he stood next to you, “How was the private ride?”

“Clearly better than ours, Jeonghan, seeing as she rode with someone who actually knows how to drive. I’m surprised we made it here alive” Minnie mumbled to him.

“Stop calling me Jeonghan! It’s Nate to you” He rolled his eyes, shoving her.

“I like your Hangul name better” You told him. Nate was nice, but Jeonghan…had a ring to it.

He smiled at you, eyes crinkling, “Hmm. You’re allowed to call me whatever you want”

You laughed, and he came and swung an around you, holding you next to him. The rest of the class gathered up at the foyer, and your professor spoke, “We’ll be going straight to Karina, she’s gonna talk to each of you about her work, and we’ll spend some time looking at her portfolio. The Atelier has a reputation to withhold, and I trust you all to not mess with it. And yes by that, I mean you Jeonghan”

Jeonghan gasped dramatically, and you laughed. 

The inside of the elevator was as big as your bedroom. The buttons were gold-plated, each label marking names of different managements. It seemed like a big office building, and each floor belonged to a different company. You stepped behind Jieong, letting him take the lead. He pushed a keycard, and the elevator came to life.

Familiar music started playing, and Jieong informed you, “Nobody can enter without authorisation”

“The real estate of this place…must be insane” You commented, looking around you at the gold fittings in the walls. It’s the fanciest place in the city you’ve been to, which is saying a lot, since The Art Atelier is pretty exclusive too.

Jieong leaned against the side, crossing his arms, “Well, all the floors belong to different companies. Most of them belong to Pegasus though. They’re paying for half of it”

Your head snaps to his, and surely this is all a fucking joke and somebody is messing with you big time, “Pegasus? Like…the entertainment company?” 

There was no fucking way he was being serious…

He nodded, “Their headquarters are on the eighth floor. I’m sure you know most buildings downtown share offices”

Somebody has to be fucking with you. 

“Hey, maybe we’ll see Baekhyun or someone again” Jeonghan laughed.

“Everything okay, Y/N?” Minnie asked, “It looks like the life drained out of you, or something”

Jeonghan grinned, pulling you into his side, “She’ll be fine. I’m sure famous people just make her nervous” 

»»————-

A freak accident. That’s what this was. 

Pegasus. That is where Hyunjin works.

You’re sitting in an office on the tenth floor, but you’re losing your mind. There’s art on the walls. You recognise the paintings, and they cost more than million won and you should be taking notes and appreciating them. You can’t focus on them though, not when Hyunjin is in this building somewhere.

You feel like a stalker. First Kairi, and then this. Your life is playing a cruel trick on you. You just need to get through this. It’s possible he’s not even here today — he’s a busy man. There’s a huge chance you are in and out of here, without ever encountering him. Yet you’re dying to see him.

“Make yourself comfortable. Karina will be with us soon” Professor Jieong told you all, sitting at the table. You felt like you’re going to pass out.

“Y/N. Are you okay?” Someone asked.

“I’m fine. I just…need some water” You mumbled. Your head was spinning with the revelation of where you are.

“There’s a soda machine down the hall” Your professor told you.

So, you get up and go out without a word. There’s so much life here. Jieong was right, there’s a hum of creativity in the air and the vibe is far different from Yeonjun’s office. People are walking around, clad in pantsuits and pinstripe skirts, with clipboards in hands. A woman strolled past you holding a costume rack, with the fanciest gowns you’ve seen. 

You’ve never seen so much activity in one place, everybody’s in a rush. You avoided making eye contact with anyone. You felt weird, and out of place. You’re on the tenth floor. Hyunjin worked on the eighth. It’s too much distance, and it’s not enough distance.

As your eyes raked over everyone, your stomach turned with a bit of hope. You want to see him. No, you need to see him. But why would he be on a floor that isn’t his? And what would he even say if you bumped into him right now? The last time he saw you…you can’t survive a repeat of that.

The vending machine was easy enough to locate. It was fully stocked, and huge, unlike the one at your apartment building, which hardly ever worked. You reached into your purse, hoping you have enough change for a Coca-Cola. 

You feel on edge in the hallway, vulnerable and out in the open. Every second feels like you’re in the wild, as you rifle through your wallet for coins. In fact, you should just fuck the soda and go back to Kim Jieong, and your apparent mentor Karina, because being out here is too dangerous for your heart.

You’re about to push the coins in, and then you’re suddenly caught off balance as somebody barrels into you. 

They were running in the hallway and clearly, somebody from your class wasn’t listening to Jieong about maintain fucking decorum in the building. Coins from your hand clink to the floor, scattering in every direction, and you can’t even be bothered to care. 

“Shit, I’m so fucking sorry!” A deep voice apologised. It’s a voice you don’t recognise, and you’re grateful for the unfamiliarity. You’re really not in the mood for conversation, and you feel sick to your stomach.

The stupid fucking stranger bent down, retrieving the coins you’ve left everywhere.

“I’m so sorry. I was running and I…I didn’t see you” He grimaced.

“It doesn’t matter” You mumbled, moving to step away, not really making an attempt to talk because you are not in the mood for this. You don’t care enough about this soda.

“Wait, no, what were you going to get? I can buy you a Cola” He interrupted.

You looked back at him, into the eyes of the culprit, and you froze.

Chocolate brown eyes. Dark blue hair falling to his jaw.

You don’t know him, not personally, but you recognised him. You’ve seen him splashed across gossip websites, and news articles, and in all of the pictures Hyunjin sent you.

Of all the people in the entire building, it had to be him.

He’s holding a few coins in the fist and held his palm out to you. “Sorry, the soda machine on our floor is broken again” He told you, “I came up here to get some for myself but…”

“It’s…fine”

His eyes narrowed, “I’ve never seen you on this floor before”

You faltered, “I don’t work here”

For the briefest moments, something flashed through his gaze, recognition settling into his features, “Oh…okay”

“Have a nice day” You force a smile.

He doesn’t say anything, just stands up straight with all your coins in his palm, staring after you as you walk away. 

»»————-

You need to leave. Everybody was gathered around a woman in the office, and she must be the mentor you’re supposed to meet today. Most of your classmates were looking through the various portfolio pieces laid out on all the conference tables. Minnie was deeply immersed in a painting and taking notes on her phone. Jeonghan was flipping through a brochure for an art gallery and his eyes widened when he saw you walk back in.

“You’re back” He grinned.

“I’m leaving” You mumbled, grabbing your bag. You feel so childish and immature for acting out like this, but perhaps it’s time for you to take a mental health day too. Hyunjin saw you in the city, and ran from you, so it’s only fair that you run from him too. It’s not like he even knows you’re here... it’s best to just remove yourself from the situation entirely, and fuck off.

“You’re what?” Jeonghan followed you outside the room.

“I’m not feeling too well” 

“But what about Karina? What am I supposed to tell Jieong?” He asked frantically, and he’s chasing after you as you make your way to the elevators. You’re surprised he cares this much.

You turned, to look at him, “It doesn’t matter. I…I really don’t want to be here.”

He frowned, “But what’s wrong? You’ve been acting really weird ever since we came here. Or…actually, you’ve been weird the past week. What happened?”

“I’m fine, Jeonghan. I’m just sick” You told him, pushing the button to make the elevator come faster, and you were too impatient to wait for it, “I’m just going to take the stairs”

He tugged at your arm, turning you to face him, “Are you kidding me? We’re on the tenth floor, Y/N” He sighed, “Look, I know we don’t know each other that well, but don’t bullshit me, please. We’re going to be seeing each other every day for a year. If things are fucked up, at least don’t lie about it to me”

You looked him in the eye, swallowing, “But…it’s really not important. I promise you’ll be the first to know when it is, okay? It’s just some shit from back home”

He frowned, “Okay but today is important, you…shouldn’t miss it, no matter what’s going on” 

You pressed the button again, wishing the elevator would come faster so you could leave, “Jeonghan… I appreciate you caring. I really do, but trust me, nobody in that classroom is going to miss me, or even know that I’m gone”

“You’re kidding me” He sighed, as if he was personally offended by this, “Jieong used to talk about your art all the fucking time, before you even joined class. What makes you think he won’t notice?”

You’re not expecting to hear that, “Are you serious?”

He nodded, “He told us we had real competition to look forward to now. He was going on about how it’s been years since he’s seen such work. He really set the standards high for when you came in, Y/N. We all thought you’d be a bitch based off that but…it’s crazy. You’re actually the sweetest girl I’ve met in a while”

Despite your internal state of panic, it made you happier, “Oh…um, that’s a lot to live up to, Jeonghan”

“I know we’re still getting to know each other, but you’re a part of us now. I’m looking forward to know you even more” He smiled, reaching forward to pinch your cheek, “And see? You’re one of the only people who’s even allowed to call me by my real name”

You looked to the floor, then up at him, “Would he be mad if I left?”

“He wouldn’t be mad. Just disappointed…but…if you’re really feeling sick, I’m sure he’d understand. I can talk to him for you”

“Thank you, Jeonghan” 

“Of course” He grinned, and caught you off guard by pulling you in for a half-hug. You stilled, not expecting that, but the physical contact felt nice, and you brought your arm up, to hug him back. 

“I hope you feel better” He mumbled, as you pulled away, a small smile on your face. You’d made a genuine friend here, even when you weren’t trying to.

A ping rang through the floor lobby, and the elevator doors finally opened up. 

You turned to step into it, but you stop short in your tracks when you look inside.

It’s a jolt to your dying heart.

Hyunjin is standing in front of you.

Your chest squeezes so you think you’re going to die.

Fucking hell.

Leaning against the elevator wall, arms crossed, his eyes widened as they fell on you. He instantly stood up straighter, ease disappearing from his body, surprise overtaking his features.

You’re sure your expression mirrors his. He was staring at you and Jeonghan, mouth parted.

Hyunjin is here. He’s in front of you. 

You immediately stepped away from Jeonghan, but Hyunjin had already seen you embracing.

“Um…I’m sorry. It’s the wrong floor” Hyunjin spoke, but there’s shock in his voice, even if he’s trying to sound nonchalant. His voice was hoarse, like he’d just been singing, and exerting himself. 

He leaned ahead, pushing the button to close the doors, but you can’t let him do that. He’s right here, and you need to go after him.

You turn to Jeonghan, rushed words, “I’ll…see you later”

He’s clearly confused. He chuckles, “What?”

He’s actually fucking here. It’s been so fucking long. You don’t have time to explain anything, and you don’t hesitate before stepping into the elevator, barely making it in. 

The doors shut, and it’s just the two of you now.

Hyunjin was staring at you, and his hands are gripping the railing behind him, “Y/N…”

He was sweaty, and his hair was dripping wet, bangs sticking to his forehead. A white tank top hugged his body, over his sweatpants. He’s staring at you, and he looks so fucking good. Your brain is on overdrive, and you can’t process anything. 

“Hyun…” You spoke. The floors are whizzing past you, and you don’t have any time. You both stepped forward at the same time, and you wrap your arms around him. He immediately hugs you back, pulling your body into his. His arms curl around your waist, and you’re on your toes, and everything is a blur. But you’re in his arms. You’re touching him, and you’re breathing him, and the void in your heart is already dissipating.

You could cry right now, because he feels the same to the touch, and his heartbeat is pounding so fast against his ribs, you can hear it.

“I missed you so much” You spoke into his neck, and your words are muffled by his hair, but he knows what you said.

“Y/N…” He whispered, hands tight around your body, and then he pulled away, “Jisung told me he saw you. I didn’t…I didn’t believe him. I had to see you myself”

“Is that why you were—”

“I was coming to see you” He interrupts you, and then his eyes dart to the elevator panel, to see what floor you’re on, “What are you doing here, Y/N?”

He must be baffled why you were at his workplace of all places in the world.

“I…I came with someone, Hyunjin, My professor…” 

“Oh”

“Yeah…” You swallowed. You had so many questions. Why had he changed his number? Why hadn’t he talked to you in the store? 

A part of you had doubted, if what you’d felt this summer truly was love, or if it was only infatuation…but seeing him right now, in front of you, it couldn’t have been anything else. 

Every neural pathway in your brain was firing at total capacity, flooding your body with adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin, every good hormone known to man. You were giddy, and nervous, and scared, and excited.

“I…don’t have much time. I was at practice and I need to get back…” He replied, and his breaths were shaky, “Somebody could see us”

“Wait—” You stepped forward, “You can’t just leave right now. I need to—”

Hyunjin lowered his voice, urgency in his tone, “I can’t talk here, not right now, Y/N”

He couldn’t walk away from you, not now, not again. You feel like crying already at the prospect, “But—” 

“Meet me in the third room in this hallway, down the left. In fifteen minutes”

“What…?”

The elevator doors opened, and Hyunjin separated from you as if you’d electrified him. 

There was a group of people outside waiting, and anybody could have seen you close to him right now. He stepped out hurriedly, saying nothing else. People flood into the elevator, but you’re still staring at him walking away. 

Before disappearing around the corner, he turned to glance at you over his shoulder, and the surprise is still pure in his eyes. You used to hate these stolen glances, but right now… you live for it.

»»————-

The fifteen minutes dragged on at a snail’s pace. You don’t think time had ever been this slow, and your eyes strayed to your phone every few minutes, which only made time stop. You were pacing the hallway, clutching your bag in hand, eyes on all the different plaques of achievements hung on the wall. You recognised the band name, Urban Faeries, on multiple awards, and it brought pride to your soul, but you’re not really thinking straight.

You’re pacing, back and forth, and you drew a few suspicious looks but you hope they believe you’re just another stressed employee working here. The time is up before you know it. The third room, to your left, he had said. You stared at the unmarked white doors. You’d never live it down if you accidentally walked into a conference room, or an executive meeting. But you’d just have to trust your gut. You pushed open a door, stepping inside quickly.

You weren’t sure what you had expected. It was…a storage room. It's less fancy than the rest of this building. Racks and racks of clothing, and outfits were arranged on the sides. Stage costumes. They were all in plastic wrapping, like wedding dresses at a bridal boutique, and you could see the outfits underneath.

It had been ten minutes since you were here, and you’re staring at your phone, wondering if you were in the wrong room. He’s not here yet, and there’s a lump building in your throat. Minutes more pass, and you end up looking through the outfits hung on the rack. Sequinned jackets, tight bodysuits, leather pants. It was all so beautiful, and you imagined it all on him. There was a sheer top with lace sleeves. You shouldn’t, but you touched it, reading the tag on it.

Hwang, Hyunjin. KBS Gayo Daejon 2023.

So it was his. You had no idea he wore things like this, and you had a sudden overwhelming desire to see him in it. Lace covered every inch of it.

“You like that?” A familiar voice infiltrated your thoughts.

You were startled, letting go off it instantly. You felt embarrassed, like a kid caught stealing from a cookie jar, but all your feelings dissipated upon seeing him.

“Hyunjin” You realised.

He leaned against the wooden door, letting out a breath, like he’d run here. His gaze was on the bodysuit you’d just been eyeing. He continued speaking, nonchalant, “I personally think it’s a bit much. I don’t see the big deal, but the fans…they love it”

“It looks…great” You said, eyes drifting to the costume rack.

“I’m supposed to wear it, later this year” 

You’re lost on what he’s saying. You just can’t believe you’re actually seeing him in front of you, flesh and blood.

There’s a singular lightbulb in the room, and it hangs from the ceiling, swaying back and forth lightly. Shelves surround you on both sides, and there’s only a narrow aisle to stand in. His back is flush to the door, and his arm reaches behind him, turning the doorknob until you hear a clicking sound. 

He’d just locked you in with him.

You blurted the first thing that came to your mind, “Are you okay, Hyunjin?” 

So much was on your mind, but that was the only thing that mattered. If the boy you loved was okay, then you would be okay too.

He breathed in, like every word was a struggle, and he was still catching his breath, “Yeah. Yeah. I’m okay…You?”

Now that he was here, you realised how small this room was. He took up so much space here, as he did in your heart. Twenty minutes ago, when you saw him…you were too shocked to process it, but now your eyes drifted over his figure. The white tank top fits his body in all the right places. It’s like every day away from you only made him prettier. You nodded, “I’m…okay”

Then his gaze raked over you. You suddenly feel conscious for the way you’re dressed. It’s different from how you used to in Daejon, and he realises that too. It’s more expensive than you’re used to. It’s artsy, like all the other kids in your class. You wonder if he hates it, but his gaze lingers on the strapless top and the silver pendant hanging from your neck. You recognise the look in his eyes, and it’s certainly not hate.

Your heart pounds at his gaze. The room suddenly feels even smaller now. 

“Who was that?” He cleared his throat, “The…boy you were with”

“He’s another student…at The Atelier. I’m here with my class…” 

“Oh…” His tongue darted out to lick his lips, and you tried to focus on his words, “So you’re here with Kim Jieong?”

You nodded. You’re so nervous. You’re fiddling with your fingers, “Yes”

In the little light of the bulb, you saw his lip curl up, “I knew that you’d get in”

He has such an effect on you, because just those words made you smile, “Yeah?”

In an instant it’s like all those months and weeks have been forgotten. It feels like there was no distance between you. Like catching up with an old friend after years, everything clicks into place like puzzle pieces that fit together.

“I told you, didn’t I?” He tilt his head, hair falling into his eyes, and he looked smug.

You clasped your hands behind your back, “You did…”

He continued, a little smirk playing at his lips, “I knew that you’d get into the program. I had a feeling that they’d made a mistake”

You’re smiling now, and your cheeks already hurt from the unfamiliarity of this action. It’s been a while since you’ve felt this way, “You’re proud of me?”

His features softened and he stepped towards you, “Is that really a question? Even when you hadn’t got in… I’d still be proud, but yeah…I’m so proud of you”

“Thank you” Your voice fell, chest warm, and you feel so shy, “You… always had faith in me”

“Is it everything that you imagined?”

“The art program?” 

He bit his lower lip, “Mmh, and the city. Has Seoul been nice to you? Hopefully, nicer than it has to me” 

You shrugged, “It’s been nice. I…made a few friends. I have a nice apartment. It faces a busy street…It kind of sucked that I didn’t get to share any of it with you”

His expression changed, “Sorry”

Tentatively, you took a step towards him. There’s only little space left between you now, but you’re both being so careful. It’s like a magnet between you two, you’re hovering but not getting too close, not touching. 

You know that if he touches you, it’ll be the end of you.

“What’s going on, Hyunjin? Why did you ask me to meet you in here?”

He sighed, gaze darting to the corners of the ceiling, “It’s the only place in the building they don’t have cameras”

“Oh…” Everything suddenly made a lot of sense.

His voice softened, “Don’t worry. Nobody’s supposed to come in here right now. I checked all the schedules”

You have so many questions, but somehow you ask him the least important one, “The woman in the store with you. Was she your girlfriend?”

You regret it as soon as you ask. It makes you sound envious, and jealous. It paint a picture of you that’s not true. Sure, you’ve wondered about her identity all these weeks, but…she hardly mattered in the grand scheme of things. There’s more at stake here.

Still, Hyunjin’s eyebrows shoot up, “What?”

You feel stupid repeating, “When I saw you, you were with a girl…”

“No. No, she’s just my manager, Y/N”

“Is that why you pretended to not know me when you saw me?” It comes out harsher than you intended, but you don’t have time to ease into it. You need to know, because it’s bothered you for so long.

He swallowed, and guilt flashes over him. “Yeah. The manager I was with... She’s one of the less forgiving ones”

It eases the slight ache in your chest, but you’re not done. There’s an explanation for why he acted this way, but he’s not attempting to explain the rest.

“Why did you disappear, Hyunjin…?”

He swallowed, “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean — You changed your number all of a sudden. Do you know how hard I was trying to reach out to you?”

His fists are balled up at his side, digging into the material of his sweatpants. You feel a little bad for questioning him like this, and putting him on the stand, but you deserve to know. 

“I’m sorry. I had to. I was afraid…” He trailed off, and it’s half-hearted. 

So you pushed for more, “Afraid of what?”

He looked at you, straight, “I was afraid they’d find out about you. I couldn’t risk it. You know everything that’s been going on in my life, Y/N. With Chan and Jisung…I couldn’t let them get into more trouble because of me”

It hurts to hear that you’re only seen as trouble in his life. You’ve heard of many idols and celebrities who date, fall in love and marry. Why is it only an issue when you’re the one in love?

“I understand that, but…you could’ve told me. I was so fucking confused for months, and I thought I fucked up somehow. Did I do something wrong, Hyunjin?”

“What?” His voice raised a pitch, like he couldn’t believe you asked him that.

You tried not to cry, “I mean…I must have done something, for you to act this way towards me…you cut me off, with no explanation…”

You didn’t care anymore if you sounded needy, clingy, or desperate. You’d been craving an explanation all these weeks, and now that he was here…you couldn’t leave without getting one.

“No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong, Y/N” He stepped closer, until his chest is inches from yours, “I had no control of the situation…and I couldn’t risk contacting you”

You swallowed, “But why…didn’t you just tell me what was going on? I was…in the dark, for months”

“I’ve been meaning to tell you. I just didn’t know how”

“Tell me now…please” 

“They went through Chan’s phone” He blurted, “After everything with Kairi went down. They were worried that something would leak and I…I couldn’t deal with that. So in the store…I couldn’t talk to you. Please believe that…especially not in front of her. It would’ve been hell explaining who you are”

He’s right. What good would it have done? The woman you were wondering about…she was just his manager. You knew that, of course. But still, it’s like you’re strangled by a lasso of truth as you blurted, “I was …jealous”

Hyunjin’s expression changed, and he tilt his head, “You were?”

He’s questioning you, yet there’s pride in his voice, like he’s happy that he had that effect on you, even if he didn’t intend to. 

“She treats me like I’m a kid, Y/N” He tells you, with a slight chuckle, “She’s married and…way older than us”

The ache in your chest has subsided, “I don’t know. Maybe you’re into older women like her”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, and there’s a playfulness in his voice. It truly feels like all of those months had been forgotten, “That’s a nice way to get fired”

“You can get fired?”

There is amusement in his features, “It’s a job, Y/N. Of course I can get fired…and anyway, does Kim Jieong know you’re here with me?”

You looked into his eyes, “Nobody knows I’m here…”

He nodded, relief sinking into his shoulders, “That’s good because—”

Hyunjin is interrupted by a loud sound.

You’re confused…until your attention turns to the door. The knob is turning…

Somebody’s trying to get in.

Hyunjin’s eyes widen.

Your eyebrows shoot up, and you panic. “Is someone—?”

He doesn’t let you finish your sentence. He clasps a hand over your mouth before you can speak, pushing you to the wall by his body, “Don’t say anything, please”

In a daze, you nod. Over his shoulder, you can see the knob struggling to turn. It’s met with resistance — The lock seems to be holding up.

“Hello?” An unfamiliar voice of a man asks, “Is anybody in there?”

“Shit” Hyunjin drops his head against yours, whispering, “I forgot to check for maintenance”

His palm is flush against your lips, and you’re glad he’s physically stopping you because your anxious breaths could surely be heard outside. You’re so nervous. You don’t know what would happen if someone finds you two here like this. Based on everything he’s been telling you, absolutely nothing good. 

Suddenly, you feel guilty. He’s in here because of you. He can get fired because of you. You would never forgive yourself if he has to deal with any consequences, because of your existence, and instantly you understand why he did what he did. All your anger and confusion dissipates, and understanding sinks into you.

The door budges as somebody tries to kick it in, and the person on the other side curses loudly, “Is this door fucking broken again?”

You’re holding your breath too hard. You need to calm down. Your hands find their way to his waist, crumpling his shirt. You’re pinching at his skin, but he doesn’t care. He can hear your heartbeat, pounding so loudly. Silently, with just his eyes, Hyunjin asks if he can drop the hand. 

You nod. He pulls his hand back and his palm is wet with your saliva. He doesn’t mind. He doesn’t even wipe it. He just stays in place, eyes locked onto yours. You couldn’t move… even if you wanted to. You’re frozen to your spot and caged by his body. It towers over you. 

“Don’t worry…They’ll leave soon” Hyunjin reassures you, in a whisper.

You’re lucky he remembered to lock it. It’s undoubtedly a compromising position to be seen in. In a dark corner of the storage room —your bodies are squeezed together. He is dripping with sweat; you can feel it sticking to your skin. You can feel every muscle in his stomach, pressing to yours. 

Your eyes meet each other, and they stay. It’s so quiet in here, you could hear a pin drop. 

It’s as if he’s looking right into your soul, no words exchanged, but his eyes say everything. Like you’re challenging each other to some staring contest, seeing who would give in first, but neither of you do. You’re burning, pierced by his strong gaze but you look back at him, sight not leaving his for even a second. 

He’s breathing so heavily — running on hormones and adrenaline, and his chest is moving in sync with yours. You can hear his heart thud erratically. It’s loud and frantic in a way he can’t control it. He was near you after so long. 

“What if…they get in?” Your voice is shaking, you hardly recognize it.

“They won’t” He whispers. 

There’s so much need you need to ask Hyunjin. He’s been out of your life for months, but the only thing that matters right now is the feel of his body against yours. 

One of his arms is against the wall. The other is flexed with how tight he’s holding you. He’s been working out. Right now, he’s drenched in sweat.

You’re dizzy with want. He’s trying, but failing at looking at how you’re pressed to him. 

His gaze falls to your chest, then back into your eyes, almost shameless.

Your top hardly leaves anything to the imagination, squeezing your tits against his chest, and his gaze is fixated on it, dropping down every few seconds. 

You’re not saying anything, but nothing needs to be said. A sweltering desire courses through your veins. 

It’s impossibly hot — hiding in here with him.

You’re electrified by his gaze. It swirls with a thousand unspoken things.

This is fucking stupid considering the circumstances. You could be caught right now, and everything would be over then. 

Slowly, your hand moves over his shoulder. You squeeze his bicep in your hand, feeling him up, and his heart beats the same but his body is different. He feels stronger to your touch, like he’s been dancing for hours on end, using up all his energy. 

“You…feel different” You whisper in realisation. There’s muscle now where there wasn’t before. His breath hitches, like he’s holding everything in, and his eyes fall shut. His body has changed in your absence, and you hate it, and you love it. You hate that he’s not how you remember, but you love that there’s more of him to know. More of him to touch, and discover and feel. 

He’s so close that his hair is falling into your face. He tilts his head to give you space to breathe. It only makes it worse because now his nose brushes against yours. There’s barely an inch between you. 

What happened in these few months? You need to sit with him, and talk for days about it. You want to tell him everything you kept to yourself, every incident, every joke, every dream, every morning, afternoon and night. You want to kiss every part of him, so your lips remember his again. So it’s muscle memory, and so he’s never a stranger to you.

The mind forgets, but the body remembers.

Therefore, you can only blame it on your body right now that it’s horrible timing but you’re so fucking turned on.

The distance between your lips is nonexistent. 

He’s breathing your air, and you’re breathing his.

You should move away now, but you don’t. Hyunjin’s breaths are shaky, and his hands on you are so tight, like he’s afraid to let go. Your breaths are shaky too, they’re desperate and no amount of air in the world can bring you calm. 

You want to be even closer than you are, and you press yourself to him, but the only way to be closer than this is if he were inside you.

There’s no more sounds from the other side of the door.

And then his plush lips part to say, “I… think they’re gone”

Saying that was his first mistake, because as he speaks, his mouth brushes against yours, tenderly, so delicately. 

Your heart jumps. You can’t control yourself. Slowly, you press forward, taking his lower lip between yours. Hyunjin tilts his head, so his lips fit perfectly between yours, but you’re not kissing, not yet. 

You’re both not moving an inch, but you are biting down on his lower lip, and Hyunjin lets out a whine. It emerges from deep within his chest. His fingers dig into your waist, thumbs slipping under the top, to feel more of your skin. You tug at his lower lip with your teeth, pulling it. A rushed moan fills the room, and you soothe the bite with your tongue, but you’re still not kissing.

You grab his hands in your own, fingers circling around his dainty wrists. Silver bracelets clink against each other, as you move his hands up your body. You want him to touch you. He takes the invitation and raises his hands to your top, cupping your chest. Does he remember your body? You feel so much. Too much. 

Hyunjin’s other hand slides into your hair, his fingers on the nape of your neck making you dizzy. Long, thin fingers with silver rings card through your hair, his nails brushing your scalp, and your heart stills. The jewellery he wears is different now, but you feel the same kind of insane.

But he still doesn’t kiss you.

He just tilts your head, so he can lean in, pressing a kiss into your neck instead. Your eyes flutter shut from the pleasure, and you can only focus on the sensation of his mouth. His mouth, that drops kisses along your neck now, a trail of spit and lust. You moan at the sensation, and it’s too loud.

“No…You have to be quiet” He whispers into your neck as he sucks on it. His voice is the same kind of sexy, but he’s never commanded you like this before. He kisses every inch of skin on your neck, moving closer and closer to your mouth. 

A trail of kisses, up and over your jaw, until his lips finally meets yours. His second mistake is giving in. He closes the remaining distance, your hair bunched into his fist, and neither of you are breathing anymore because his mouth is crushed to yours. 

All those months disappear into nothingness as you slip your tongue into his mouth. It’s what happens every time someone puts you and him in a room together. 

You kiss him with desperation and Hyunjin kisses you in hunger. He pushes his tongue in, and you’re making out like your life depends on it. He doesn’t stop squeezing your tits, fondling them through the thin fabric of your top. The material does nothing to hide how turned on you are, but you can’t be embarrassed. Not when you can feel his crotch pressing into your leg, and he’s just as turned on.

His hands are everywhere on your body, finding their home on your waist, and he pulls you into him so your back arches off the wall. There’s no words exchanged and it’s primal  in every sense. The air is filled with your breaths, and whines. 

He’s burning up. You push him, until he’s pressed to the door instead. Hyunjin stumbles back from the force. 

It’s like you want to be caught. The very door that separates you from the rest of the world. The only thing standing between you and total annihilation. It’s hotter this way, and you press your body to his, moulding your mouth to his, hands running through his hair. He lets out a moan that travels straight to your heart which is beating faster than it has in a long time. There’s a fire in it, and every touch of his skin against yours blazes it more.

He turns you around, until you’re pressed to the door instead. He grabs your thigh, pulling your leg up so it’s wrapped around his waist, and he’s grinding his crotch against yours. You can feel him in your core and you pull back to breathe, moaning, “Hyun…” You’re not thinking, only feeling him in every single atom of your body.

You tug at the drawstrings of his sweatpants. You need to take them off. You need him now more than ever. Hyunjin is your annihilation. 

He realises what you’re doing, and he pulls away in a daze, spit-coated lips, “Wait, wait, Y/N…”

“What?” You mumble, kissing his jaw.

His eyes are squeezed shut, “Shit. Wait…stop, we can’t do this”

And you can only whine, pulling him back to you, “You say that every time”

His voice drops, a bitterness to it as if he’s just had some grand fucking epiphany, “Fuck. No, We can’t…”

He says that, but Hyunjin is a hypocrite because when you push your tongue into his mouth, he lets you. He tastes so good, and kissing him feels coming home. It feels like what you’d been missing this whole time and kissing him makes you feel alive.

He mumbles, against your mouth, “We… need to stop”

You pull back, only slightly, “But …nobody is going to know. You said it yourself, nobody’s coming in”

You lean forward to kiss him, but he moves his head away before you can. You’re too much in a daze to be hurt by this rejection. He shakes his head and steps away, as if he’s trying to wake himself out of his dream, “No, we can’t. Not like this”

“But…we’re just kissing—”

“No…this isn’t okay, Y/N. None of this is.”

You fall quiet, and his words are swirling in the room all around you. Your mind is having a hard time process them. You’re in a lust-driven daze, and you brace yourself against the door to catch your breath, “What do you mean…by that?”

He breathes in, snapping out of the lust, “We’re making out…in a fucking storage closet. Do you not see how much is wrong with that?”

His tone stings you. “I mean…I don’t Hyunjin. That’s what we’ve always done. The photobooth…the—”

“That’s exactly what I mean!” His voice raises all of a sudden, but he realises and lowers it again, “We shouldn’t have to sneak away to…to do this. I’m so sick of this…”

Your heart wakes up, but only because it’s suddenly hurting again. His lips are swollen from kissing you, but he’s speaking everything you hate.

Your chest hurts like it’s going to collapse. “You’re sick…of…me?”

He looks at you, distressed eyes, “No…of…of the guilt…”

Since when has Hyunjin felt guilty? And for what? “What are you saying, Hyun?”

“Are you not mad at me?”

“What for…?”

He let out a frustrated sigh, “I stopped talking to you…but you don’t seem angry at all”

“I thought you did that because you were forced to by your managers, by the company… Is that…not true?”

He looked right at you, a bitter chuckle, “Nobody forced me to do anything, Y/N. I wasn’t even supposed to see you today, but…after Jisung told me he met you in the hallway, I couldn’t focus on practice. The routine is usually muscle memory to me, but I forgot every fucking step, because… I realised you were here. But you need to know I didn’t come in here to kiss you. I just wanted to talk to you”

You swallow, crossing your arms against your chest, and your heart is still calming down, “Okay. Talk”

He breathes in, running a hand over his face, “I… lied to you, Y/N”

“About…what?”

“Everything that we talked about” He’s scaring you, “I told you that when you moved here that I’d take you to the studio, to watch me record my fucking music”

“Yeah?” You don’t know where he’s going with this.

“But I obviously can’t do that” He takes a breath, and it feels like he’s on the verge of a panicking, "I can’t…bring you to the recording studio. I can’t paint with you. I can’t show you my routines, or any of the things I promised you. You see that, right? I mean, even just to talk to you, I have to do it away from everyone. This is…insane. I don’t know why the hell I said all of that”

He's spiralling, and you need to calm him because he’s so fucking hard on himself, “That doesn’t mean you lied, Hyunjin. You said that because you wanted it to be true, didn’t you?”

“That’s the thing! It can never be true, Y/N. You don’t see that?” His negativity…hurts you.

“I called you in here to tell you this, but I forgot the way you make me fucking feel” He says, “I wasn’t…prepared to see you” 

You hear everything he’s saying but it’s wrong. You couldn’t be a part of the life that he promised you, but you didn’t care. You don’t need to do all the things that you cannot. He’s bothered by something that you don’t even mind. All you know is that you can’t go more months without him. You can’t go a second more in your life without him. 

You’d convinced yourself that you could never tell him your feelings because it would scare him away. But right now, you need to tell him. Time away from him was cruelty. It was insanity, and it’s something you never want to subject yourself to ever again. 

You‘ve never loved anybody as much as him, and you never will.

He needs to know that. His lip is quivering, and he looks guilty, and scared. You have to tell him, before he says something he’ll regret. Maybe if you were more prepared, your confession of love would be in a beautiful place. 

Like the top of the Chateau…That night, under the stars, he told you he found comfort in you.

Hyunjin was always the more romantic one. 

So you can’t blame yourself for not thinking this through. After all, how could you have planned for everything that happened? A series of accidents, of coincidences that led you to him, over and over again. No matter how much life tried to pull you apart, you found each other.

It was fate.

“I don’t care, Hyunjin”

“What?”

You step closer to him, “I don’t care if I have to kiss you in a storage closet for the rest of my life. I would choose that any day”

His lips part. He’s surprised. But you can’t hold back your feelings anymore. That has got you nowhere.

You pull him close, “I don’t care about all that, I just…I just want you”

His eyes widen, “Why would you ever choose this?”

“That’s…up to me” You swallow. He’s staring at you. It doesn’t matter that your grand declaration of love won’t be in a place as beautiful as him. It doesn’t matter where you are right now, you need to tell him the truth.

The truth — I went insane in my life without you.

The truth — I literally cannot breathe if you’re not near me.

The truth — I love you so much that my chest hurts.

“Did he kiss you?”

His question catches you so off guard, that your eyes dart up to his, “What? Who?”

He lets go of your hand, “Yongbok”

Where the fuck did that come from?

Your eyebrows knit together, and you’re so confused. 

Yongbok doesn’t matter right now. You frown, “I don’t want to talk about him”

Hyunjin nods, “So…he kissed you” 

You’re lost for words. You thought you two were more mature than this, “So that’s what this is about that? You’re acting this way because you’re jealous?”

He squeezes his eyes shut, “Yeah. I am. I am jealous, Y/N. It kills me to know that he’s known you all your life, and I can’t even have you to myself for one entire summer”

“But nobody is stopping you from having me”

“Everything is stopping me!” He cries out.

You flinch.

His voice falls again, and you can feel his distress, “I’m afraid, okay? I’m fucking scared that they’ll find about you and—“

“And what?”

He squeezes his eyes shut, “You’re going to get hurt. You’re not stupid, Y/N, and you fucking know that better than anyone”

“How can you be so sure of that? You’re the one that’s making decisions that hurt me, I mean I couldn’t even tell you I got into the stupid program because you cut me out from your life, all because you’re afraid of something that hasn’t even happened? Why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong? What are you so afraid of?!”

He falls quiet, and he isn’t looking at you anymore. He stepped back, inhaling deeply, as if to anchor himself. His eyes meet yours, “You…shouldn’t have come here, Y/N”

Your voice breaks, “Why?”

“It would have made everything a hell of a lot easier”

“What would it make easier?”

He swallowed, “Having to stay apart from you”

He says things like that so easily, and his words bury deep into your skin.

Your voice broke, but you’re not done fighting for him, “I thought you missed me. I’m not afraid to admit that I did, okay? I missed you every second I was away from you—”

“I called you in here to say goodbye”

Your voice is merely a whisper, “What?”

His lip is quivering, “I wanted to see you…because this is the last time”

“You don’t mean that…”

There’s a tightness in your chest. You can’t breathe. 

He swallows, “You and I both knew that what we had in Daejon…it couldn’t be anything else”

“Please don’t say that”

He looks to the floor, away from you, “I’m sorry”

You don't understand. Things were just okay, “Are you being like this… because of Chan’s break up?”

His tone changes harshly, “That has nothing to do with you”

You swallow, staring at him. Your eyes fill up with tears. You thought this stupid storage closet would be where you finally tell him you love him. 

He doesn’t pull you in to comfort you, like he’s always done. He just looks at you, glistening eyes and his lip is quivering.

This can’t be it. There’s more to you and him, and this isn’t fucking it. Then his phone buzzes. Hyunjin ignores it at first.

Until it gets constant, and he sighs, “I’m sorry. I need to take this. You have to go, Y/N”

His words shake you to the core, and you can’t speak.

“Can you just please make sure nobody sees you when you leave?” He asks, strained, “I know you hate me right now…but please”

You nod. You have nothing to say. Even in this moment, you love him more than you ever have. 

You’re so stupid. You thought nothing in the world could make you let go of him but just like always, Hyunjin is one step ahead.

He’s already let go of you.

»»————-

masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you :)

#hyunjin x reader #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin smut #angst #friends to lovers #skz x reader #skz imagines #hwang hyunjin x reader

[ysrjune]

sam monroe smut with chubby reader🙏 PLEASE

She hates her weight but sam loves it and one day she’s crying because of a remark smby made and he comforts her :’)

Sam held you in his arms while you cried about something some girl said about your weight at school earlier. “Come on, beautiful, stop crying. You shouldn’t care about what that bitch has to say about you, she’s just mad she’s not as gorgeous as you.” He tried comforting you while rubbing your arm.

“But she’s right!” you continue to sob. “I try so hard to feel good about my body and stuff, but people just keep on commenting on it.” Sam could break into tears hearing his sweet girl talk bad about herself. He hated hearing about how much you hated your body because he loved it. He loved resting his hand on your tummy. He loved to squeeze your rolls.

To him, all that wasn't disgusting at all. He loved his chubby girl. The way your cheeks were so full, too, melted his heart. Especially when you'd smile. “Well, I don't think anything negative about your body. God, your body is literally worth worshipping, baby.” His hand trailed down to your plushy thighs.

You knew that. You knew Sam was obsessed with not just your body, but everything else about you. Even before you two were dating, he never made a negative comment about your weight. That was one of the reasons you started liking him in the first place. Every other guy you were friends with before Sam would say something atleast once about your body.

“That's real sweet of you, Sam, but I don't think so.” You hold his hand, sniffling. Your boyfriend shakes his head and forces you to lay on him. “Nah, I mean it. Just cause you have a tummy and a couple of rolls doesn't make you any less attractive, angel face.” He kissed your forehead and sat up against the headboard so that you were sitting on him properly.

“So cute, could just eat you up.” He quickly states and started sucking on your neck, leaving small kisses as well. “Sam—” You giggled at the sensation of his lips on your neck. “Stop, that tickles,” You try pushing his face awah from you, but he wouldn't budge. He did stop eventually, thank goodness. You look at your phone to open the camera to see how many hickeys he had left.

“4? Really, Sam?” You give him an unamused look even though you thought it was kinda funny. “You don't get it, huh?” His hand went down to your breast, holding onto it gently. “Just cause a couple of people tell you things about your body doesn't mean others don't find you attractive. I've seen a couple dorks check you out. Even when you're with me.” He rolled his eyes at the memory of it.

“Starin’ at your ass and thighs.” He says as both his hands travel to your ass. “‘least they know they can't have what's already mine.” He smirked, giving your ass a squeeze. “Ugh, you're such a pervert.” You reply playfully but also gently, slapping him. “Yeah, you like it, though. First time we fucked was because I was being a pervert and it turned you on.” He reminds you, sliding down your shorts.

“That didn't mean anything..” You blush at a little bit, feeling the way his fingers hooked onto the hem of your shorts to pull them down. “Then what's happening right now? Are you sure you're not already soaked by me doing the bare minimum?” He whispers, looking up to you with those pretty blue eyes that were smudged with eyeliner.

You didn't want to answer that. He already knew it, so why is he asking? How could someone not get so turned on by a hot emo guy. Especially one that knows how to use his dick. He wasn't just good at using that, though. His fingers and his mouth were great, too.

Though, at first, he wasn't exactly as good as he is now. The first time he fingered you, he had no idea what he was doing. The first time he ate you out? He didn't know lots about that either despite all the porn he watched. It took him a couple times to get it all right, and by the 4th time he tried fingering/eating you out, he was real good at it.

The first time he stuck his dick in you, he came almost immediately and was so embarrassed about it, but that didn't stop him from continuing to thrust in and out of you. You wouldn't ever forget that moment cause once he came, he made the cutest little whimper ever. His face was flushed, and his eyebrows were pinched together, moaning and panting.

That was the first time he ever had sex, too. It felt so good, he didn't wanna stop even after cumming 3 more times. He was also just so obsessed with the wet noises your pussy would make with every thrust. Every moan you let out gave him less reason to stop.

“What, cat got your tongue? Can't tell me that your panties and practically stuck to that pretty pussy?” He snaps you out of your trance. “Mm, no.. was just thinking.”, “About what?” By this time, he already had you in only your bra and underwear, taking in the sight before him.

“The first time we fucked..” You admit to him, feeling his boner. “Fuck, you had me feelin’ so good that night, princess.” You help him out of his shorts, revealing his hard cock since he had no boxers on underneath. You rubbed the tip, making his hips jerk up a little bit. “Moaning your name like a little bitch ‘n shit.” He moved his hips against your fingers.

He shifted himself to where his dick met the fabric of your panties. Sam started thrusting against them, letting out small moans. “Please let me feel like that again, babe. please please please let me fuck you. I've been waiting so damn long.” It had been almost a month since you've had sex with him.

You thought of riding him so you could see his pretty face get all scrunched up when hes about to cum, but you remembered how much of a thing he had for you arching your back for him. “Should blow my back out.” You kiss his cheeks while he still thrusted against your clothed clit. “Mm, I'd love that.”

So, here you were. Moaning out his name into a pillow, but also hearing those cute noises of his. “Shit, shit, shit,” He moaned, smacking your ass and watching it jiggle with every thrust he made. “Yeah, mhm, you're so pretty, sweet girl. Mm, could do this forever.” He suddenly flipped you around and placed his hand on your tummy.

“You're so soft, oh my God.” He squeezed it a little, then moved his hand to your puffy cheeks. “So pretty,” He whimpered, letting you know he was close. “Uh—fuck. ‘m so close. Oh, you're so good.”, “So. Fucking. Good.” He thrusted with every word.

“Sam, Im gonna cum!” You hold onto his arm. “Gonna cum? So do it then, baby. Cum all over my cock, beautiful. Can do it, come on.” He led you on until he felt you tighten around him and release yourself onto his dick. It took him a few more thrusts to cum, but once he did, he pulled out and lay on you, hands grabbing onto your titties.

“Fuck, princess.” He panted and slid down to kiss your tummy, thighs, and everywhere that you were insecure. “Don't ever call yourself unattractive. I'd rather have my cuddly, chubby girlfriend than any other girl.”

Your boyfriend was truly the sweetest.

#hayden christensen #sam monroe #life as a house #sam monroe x you #sam monroe x reader #sam monroe drabble #sam monroe fanfiction #sam monroe smut #sam monroe imagine #sam monroe x chubby!girlfriend

[chubby-kiyo]

And finally, Killing Harmony appearance/gender /sexuality headcanons

Kaede Akamatsu - (She/Her Bi, female pref) Chubby and has stretch marks on her hips and stomach. Round baby face, and wears cute pink lipgloss. She also has a little nose ring.

Rantaro Amami - (He/They, pan) He’s a bit chubby (wow, my bias is showing) and has kind of thick thighs compared to most amab people. Wavy hair a bit longer than canon that he sometimes puts in a baby ponytail. Pierced nostril and tongue.

Kirumi Tojo - (She/Her, grey asexual, pan?) Midsized and kind of pear shaped with slightly muscular arms and long legs. Long, elegant hands and clear skin. Oblong face, longer pointy nose. Can’t tan to save her life. Occasionally wears black lipstick.

Ryoma Hoshi - (He/Him, aroace) Can we just knock it off with the random cartoony designs that don’t fit the rest of the aesthetic? He is still short and chubby, but in a humanoid way. Curly light brown hair and bushy eyebrows. Round face with freckles. Some scars on his knuckles from his prison days.

Angie Yonaga - (She/Her, Pan) Pretty average build. Soft tum and smallish boobs. Thick wavy hair that can get pretty gnarly and usually has some acrylic paint stuck in it. Also wipes her paintbrushes on her bare legs when she’s feeling lazy. Gold nose hoops and medusa piercing. Wears brown tinted lipgloss.

Tenko Chabashira - (She/Her, Lesbian) Athletic with lean muscle and somewhat broad shoulders. Tapes her knuckles for training sometimes and has short stubby hands. Doesn’t shave. Canine teeth that somewhat turn inward and look like fangs.

Korekiyo Shinguuji - (They/Them, pan) Tall and gangly skinny in an unhealthy way. No real muscle definition and shitty posture. Oblong face with a larger nose and somewhat crooked teeth (not that anyone could see that) Long bony hands that are always ice cold. Deathly pale and wears eyeliner and mascara. Wears reading glasses. Stretched ears.

Gonta Gokuhara - (He/Him, pan) Hella buff, but not necessarily chiseled. Still soft in some places (gives excellent hugs). His glasses are probably taped on the side due to his clumsiness. Tangled hair that absolutely cannot be tamed and a few accidental freeform locs in the mix. Sizable front tooth gap and full lips.

Miu Iruma - (She/Her horny pan) Plus sized with an extra fluffy hourglass figure. Stretch marks on her chest and hips. Clothes almost always stained with motor oil and sut. Dark brown roots that are a bit overgrown. Freckles and a round face with thick lips. Always wears lipgloss. Keeps a tube in her bra and pulls it without shame. Monroe and tongue piercings.

Kokichi Ouma - (He/Him, gay) A scrawny little pipsqueak. Has braces and sometimes spits when he talks. Ridiculously tiny hands and feet, has to wear children’s shoes. Absolutely cannot tan. Will sometimes wear makeup like a harlequin clown. Cartilage and nostril piercings.

Kaito Momota - (He/Him, bi female pref) Stocky build with muscular arms and broad shoulders, kind of linebacker-esque. I hate the way his hair is designed, but I feel like it would be kind of a straight wolf cut if he let it down. Will sometimes have a man bun. Hairy arms and ham hands. Pierced ears and eyebrow.

Maki Harukawa - (She/Her grey ace, female pref) Athletic build. Flat chested and barely defined waist. Heart-shaped face and widows peak hairline. Scars on her arms. Just really soft facial features that she kind of hates. Hates shaving her legs.

Shuichi Saihara - (He/They, FtM, bi male pref) A little bit pudgy and has thicker thighs. Binds, but is naturally fairly small chested. Wears eyeliner, and has long, thick eyelashes even without mascara. Pin straight hair. Round face and soft lips. Dark circles under his eyes. Has septum and industrial piercings and small stretched ears.

Himiko Yumeno - (She/Her, asexual, sapphic) She looks like she’s in middle school and is a bit chubby. Has perpetually rosy cheeks and crooked teeth in an endearing way. Very fine hair.

Tsumugi Shirogane- (She/Her, asexual) Midsized with pretty even weight distribution. Wavy, thick hair. Somewhat large forehead. Honestly I don’t have much to add to her canon design.

Kiibo - (They/He, aroace, no concept of gender) He is a robot. His “skin” is made of silicone and he has humanlike glass eyes. His hair is nylon and pokes into his little head like a doll. His design is extremely detailed with him even having eyelashes and enamel teeth. Has an internal heater to make his “skin” warm, kind of like baymax. And no, he didn’t come with a dick, though Iruma did patent one.

#ndrv3 killing harmony #ndrv3 #killing harmony #danganronpa #shuichi saihara #kaede akamatsu #rantaro amami #kirumi tojo #ryoma hoshi #maki harukawa #himiko yumeno #tenko chabashira #angie yonaga #korekiyo shinguji #gonta gokuhara #miu iruma #kiibo #k1 b0 #tsumugi shirogane #kaito momota #kokichi ouma #korekiyo shinguuji #danganronpa headcanons

[theladykassia]

Blurb: Sam makes your latte and accidentally confesses

Content: no triggers, just fluff. This idea came to me as I added an obscene amount of mini marshmallows to my own coffee.

Sam Monroe was working at a coffee shop during summer to earn some extra cash for a concert he wants to go. You guys aren't exactly friends but you always smile his way whenever the opportunity presents itself. You also made it a habit to go to said cafe because 'they make the best latte there', but honestly? You just want to see your favorite emo boy. You didn't even know the place existed before a friend of yours mentioned seeing Sam.

They had joked about the way Sam seemed angry at having to treat people nicely there. Or maybe it was the fact that he had to wear an apron.

You had to see it for yourself, so you went one day. And then the next... And then the next. Soon enough it became your favorite place.

It doesn't matter how hard Sam tries to give off this 'I don't give a fuck about you or anything else' vibe, the truth is that he's a total sweetheart— well, once you dig deep enough at least. The more you spoke to him, the more you learned about him. Even when he acts annoyed at how bubbly you're being, your sweet, innocent smile, is enough to warm his whole chest, you're just that cute! He's not used to people being so nice to him all the time, and you're always trying to talk to him. Complimenting him on his fashion choices or trying to talk about your few shared interests.

Sam would notice every little detail about you, and how could he not? You went almost daily to the coffee shop. He quickly learns exactly how to make your latte. The temperature, how strong it was, how much sugar to add.

It doesn't take too long for the poor guy to develop a crush on you. But this is Sam Monroe, talking about his feelings and being vulnerable isn't his strongest suit.

He ends up learning how to make some simple latte art, a skill he doesn't particularly use often. But it's the reason why you found out that the guy was crushing on you.

This particular day you were in a hurry, so you make your order and request that is served in a disposable cup and not a mug. Sam made sure to heat up the milk to the exact temperature you like. The only difference is that this time, he made a heart with the foam and slapped a cap on it almost instantly, giving the cup to you with an uninterested look.

“Here. It's hot so don't be stupid and drink slowly. Already put the sugar in it.”

You smile sweetly, rolling your eyes with humor as you put a few dollars in the tip jar. “Thank you, Sam. You make the best coffee here, y'know? I'm gonna miss you when you quit.”

The comment makes him want to smile, but he shrugs instead. Sam bites his lip to prevent the smirk that was about to happen from forming.

“Whatever, that's what I get paid to do... It's not like it took any real effort to make it,” he says with a tone that suggested he was bored. But that's the thing, he did put his best effort into it. "And you'll be fine.”

You smile again, not being bothered by his bratty tone. You know it's nothing against you, that Sam always did that to people. You figured it was just the way he was, or that it was some sort of defense mechanism. You also heard him when he said he already added the sugar, but you always like to see how foamy your latte is, so imagine your surprise when you remove the cap and find the shape of a heart, it obviously wasn't an accident. Your eyes met with a very flustered and blushy version of Sam.

“W-why the hell did you do that! I told you it had sugar already, damn!” he complains, furiously wiping the countertop that was pretty much squeaky clean before he began 'cleaning it'. You had never seen Sam so red and embarrassed before. It was adorable, and it was making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

You giggle, what else were you supposed to do? At this point you forgot how late you were to your own job. You wanted to take a picture of the coffee, but you didn't want to torture him any more.

“But... But it's so pretty, Sammy!” you praise, biting your lip shyly. “I really like it.”

The mix of you praising him, biting your lip and then giving him a nickname made Sam groan, his face getting even redder than before.

“W-whatever, it doesn't mean anything.” He grumbles, briefly looking at you. “... Unless you want it to mean something.” he adds, not being able to stop himself. Sam cringes at his own words, afraid that he only made a fool of himself. Not to be dramatic, but he felt like he could quit just because of this. “Well?”

You were not used to making bold moves like this, but you reach over the countertop for the marker he had on his apron. Sam frowned at the action, but kept watching you with curiosity.

Taking one of the flyers they had at the counter, you wrote your number on the back and handed both things to Sam.

“I'm a simple girl, I'm fine with watching a movie and grabbing some burgers afterwards” you give him one last smile before leaving the cafe. He had no excuses, you gave him your number and a first date idea. You even took the pressure of planning out the whole thing off of him. Now all you had to do was wait, and you had a feeling that he would be reaching out to you soon.

You smile big, looking down at the heart in your cup. You had a really good feeling about this, you just hope you're right.

#can he please be my boyfriend? #i'd treat him so good #hayden christensen x reader #sam monroe x reader #sam monroe x you #sam monroe fluff #sam monroe headcanon #sam monroe #kassia writes ・☾・ #sam monroe imagine #hayden christensen fluff #hayden christensen imagine

[grazillaa]

No Fun, My Babe- Michael Monroe

requested by: @nenynra

summary: michael makes it his mission to snatch a piece from your closet that he has his eyes on without you noticing (gn! reader x michael monroe)

“hey, have you seen my hat? the one with, like, the leap pads print thingy on it?” you heard michael call through your apartment. you stood at the mirror fixing your earrings.

“gee michael, that’s real specific. have you seen our bedroom? how the hell are we supposed to know where anything is?” you turned to him, standing in the doorway as you gestured at the disastrous floor. there were random articles of sparkly, bright colored clothes. most of them were michaels. he rolled his eyes and walked over to you, kissing your forehead before glancing at himself in the mirror.

“i think i need a new look.” he stated, squinting his blue eyes at the reflection. you looked at him confusedly.

“what do you mean, are you gonna dye your hair or something?” you chuckled, partially joking. he shook his head softly, still concentrated on his reflection.

“im not sure… i think i just gotta try something new. y’know, every now and then.” you just nodded and patted him softly on his head.

“i think i know whatchya mean.” you started to walk out of the bedroom, leaving michael alone in the messy room in front of the vanity. he looked around the floor and contents of the room in hopes of finding some inspiration, some random item that could make a new addition to his closet one way or another. his eyes scanned the bedroom, eyeing the closet where he noticed a shoebox that was unopened and tucked away on the floor. it intrigued him, so he sat down on the ground to open the box, finding multiple scarves he’d never seen before. he examined them, and as he’d wished for, got an idea. he stood up, walking around the bedroom, picking up clothes and throwing them somewhere else or trying them on, then returning to the mirror to check himself out numerous times. he pulled his hair back and straightened the collar of his jacket before wrapping his neck in one of the scarves. he smiled wide, posing in the mirror. you re entered the room, and immediately saw him with the scarf.

“mike! give me that!” you groaned, walking towards him to swipe the scarf from him. his head snapped around to face you, confused.

“so it is yours?”

“yes!” you emphasized, wrapping the fabric around your hands delicately.

“so i can’t have it?” he pouted. he was used to you sharing your belongings, as the both of you did mutually.

“nooo, not this one michael.” you sighed, sitting down on the bed. he shrugged and smiled at himself in the mirror. you were slightly suspicious as to why he hadn’t put up a fight for it, because he seemed to like the scarf a lot.

“okay…” you walked over to the closet to put the scarf away. “we’ve got to go in a few minutes, you about ready to leave?” you asked, leaning on the doorframe.

“yep! just gimme a second.” he assured you, pretending to be focused on the mirror, when really he was waiting for you to leave so he could snatch the scarf from the closet again. “why don’t you head on down there and i’ll catch up in a minute? i wanna figure out my outfit.” you shrugged, and grabbed your purse, walking out of your shared apartment.

you and michael were supposed to be meeting the rest of the guys at some breakfast place that was walking distance from your building. since you’d left without mike, you got there early, sitting down at a little table with sami, razzle, andy and nasse. they were all confused as to where michael was, until he made the most dramatic entrance to the restaurant. and he wasn’t even trying. but by wearing any of his trademark funky outfits, he attracted attention wherever he went. he also yelled your name as soon as he walked in the door.

“y/n!” he repeated, called once he found you and the guys sitting down. everyone greeted him as he sat down next to you, ruffling your hair. you noticed his new outfit, his silver leather jacket that you hadn’t seen in months all zipped up, the black heeled boots with little decorative spikes stood out just as much. and one other little detail you noticed. the same scarf you’d scolded him about earlier.

“MICHAEL!” you gasped. he was giggling, before you shoved him and knocked him into andy.

“holy shit, chill out!” andy’s eyes widened, michael was still laughing when you carefully but quickly pulled the scarf away from michael once again, eyes narrowed and eyebrows furrowed at him. you tucked the scarf in your purse.

“you’re not slick, michael.” you insisted, trying to maintain a serious expression while staring at his red face, on it was an extra bright, goofy smile. you shook your head and laughed, pulling him into a hug.

#grazilla’s thoughts #ask #hanoi rocks #michael monroe #michael monroe x reader #i hope you like this my hanoi loves! #song in the title: no fun by the stooges

[trojanteapot]

Obligatory Infinity Train Fanfic Plug I Guess

I have some new followers since I posted about my Infinity Train cosplay process so I guess now's a good time to plug my boring overly-long fanfics that are mostly sad and stuff.

SHIPPING FICS

RYMIN:

Ain't No Cure For Love: Ryan and Min-Gi perform their first gig in Montreal. Min-Gi wants to confess his feelings. (First fic I ever wrote probably a bit rough now and the only fic without any sort of theme besides "love wins" i guess) It Can't Be Helped: Takes place in the mid-2000s when Ryan and Min-Gi's band have become quite successful and are touring East Asia. Ryan has some cultural identity issues to overcome at the age of like, 40-something. (This one is much much better than the first Rymin fic, and is about more than just shipping. I did a ton of research into Japanese-Canadians and Korean-Canadians for it as well! Shout-out to my partner for his huge role in shaping this fic as he is Japanese-Canadian himself.)

GRIMON:

Raison d'Etre (PART 1) (PART 2): Post-Canon AU where Simon survives the Train. Grace and Simon spend about 4 years apart from each other living their own lives on Earth, but one day Grace shows up randomly in Quebec to pay Simon a visit. Traumatic wounds get reopened, things get emotional, philosophical, maybe even a little... sociopolitical? Also interspersed between Grace and Simon's little dates are flashbacks to the Train that explain exactly how Simon managed to leave the Train in this AU.

I separated it into two halves because the second half contains smut. However, the second half kind of needs to be read for there to be a complete story. The smut is entirely skippable and doesn't contribute to the overarching plot so I do encourage you to read both halves.

(Also of note is that this takes place not in the "present" but in the past (2018), because I am An Old Person(TM) and so I made Grace and Simon millennials. And I also didn't want to write about the pandemic. It's not that noticeable and you can ignore that timeline fuckery if you want.)

True Love Waits: (VERY VERY CURSED) Sort of not a shipping fic? But Grace gets pregnant here and we all know who the father is! So Grace needs to leave the Train before the baby is born. Canon complacent so Simon is dead. (TW: other than pregnancy there's also thoughts of self-harm and mentions of abortion)

Leave It In My Dreams: Grace's sad nightmare in Alma Mater but from Simon's perspective.

Shame On You, Blue-Eyed Fox: Grace lets her guard down and harassed by a rookie cop. Simon finally makes himself useful for once in his entire life. (TW: real world racism obviously.)

GENERAL FICS

Alma Mater: Post-Canon. Tulip starts college, is very typically Tulip about it, but she befriends an older student named Grace Monroe who helps her through it. However, Tulip comes to learn that she and Grace have more in common than they realized at first. Also Jesse and Lake get thrown into the mix and drama ensues. (Mostly canon complacent except for 1. time period, and 2. Grace is from California, not DC, but her parents work in DC.)

Initial State: A side story to Raison d'Etre. After Simon realizes he's wrong he works with the Cat to bring his number down and leave the Train. But this isn't as easy as he thought especially when he meets a denizen he's recently met before, but never expected to meet again (becausehekilledherlol).

Semi-Automatic Lonely Boy: Prequel to Raison d'Etre. Just a series of vignettes of Simon's life after returning to Earth. (TW: depictions of self-harm) Other than It Can't Be Helped, this is the other fanfic that I am the most proud of so far. Literally went and relearned French to write some of the dialogue in this.

I'll Get It Right Sometime (ongoing): Four years after Book 3, Hazel and Amelia have a pretty decent life on the Train. But this peace is interrupted when Hazel meets a passenger and decides to help him through the Train. How can Amelia keep Hazel safe? Who is this passenger anyway? Why is the Cat so interested in interfering? Why is Simon somehow involved?! Why is JESSE somehow involved?!?!??! (Note: I think Hazel ages normally, so she's 10 years old in this one.) This is also my most ambitious fanfic yet. I have an Entire Homestuck Reference chapter, a Reddit chapter, and I plan to have several Discord chapters.

#infinity train #infinity train fanfic #infinity train fanfiction #rymin #grimon #tulip olsen #jesse cosay #lake infinity train #grace monroe #simon laurent #ryan akagi #min gi park #amelia hughes #hazel infinity train #samantha the cat #you can tell i have a thing for naming fics after songs or lyrics

[macolethings]

3+58

My first ever prompt “ask!” 3 (Modern AU) + 58 (Accidental Eavesdropping). I’m going to make it from the same universe as my one shot “The Woods are my Home” since that story is also modern au. It will also give more insight into the start of their relationship.

I’m excited and nervous but here goes! This hasn’t been beta’d, just written on a plane and quickly edited.

NOW ON AO3!

- - - - -

The smell of freshly ground coffee engulfed Clarke's senses as she stepped into Grounders Cafe. She had been coming to Grounders for years and it was a main staple of her routine. On the days she worked the night shift, she would come in before closing to get her blood pumping on a double shot americano, with a small splash of cream. When the nights were incredibly busy, making it nearly impossible to eat a real meal, she would show up again in the morning for a calming lavender tea and mushroom quiche before heading home to crash in bed.

This morning was one of those mornings. Clarke had decided to take on a shift for her friend, Monroe, a favor in which Karma did not decide to reward her for. She was initially disappointed to find out that Lexa was not on her team that night, due to a special training exercise they had the next day. The night only got worse as call after call came in. Clarke could have sworn it was a full moon based on the craziness of the situations they were summoned to.

Her shabby attire matched her sullen, tired, mood. Having placed her order to go, she sat down at a table in a dark corner. She threw her hoodie over her head and laid on her crossed arms, trying to shut out that world for a few minutes. Her mind drifted back to the woman who had been taking over most of her quiet thoughts these days. Lexa, an Air Force Pararescue Jumper Trainee, was the newest member of Clarke’s Emergency Medical Technicians Team. It was meant to prepare the trainees on how to handle emergency responses and to get them comfortable with the gore, stress, and mental challenges of the job.

She and Lexa got along almost instantly. Clarke could feel the nerves radiating off Lexa on her first night, and there were a few hiccups. But Lexa promised she would do better, and she had. Over the course of the month, Lexa had become an integral part of the team, and Clarke’s night. As if her thoughts could manifest themselves, a familiar voice brought her out of her hidden world. Clarke started to lift her head up to say "hi" to Lexa, when she realized the woman was on the phone. She watched her settle onto the couch near her, back towards Clarke, with a cup of black coffee if Lexa stuck to her usual order.

"I miss you too," she overheard Lexa lovingly say to whoever was on the phone. Clarke wondered who it could be. "Sorry we haven't been able to talk as much as I thought we would." Lexa sounded sad.

Clarke tried to think back on anyone Lexa mentioned from her hometown that she could be talking with. They had talked while on shift, getting to know each other past the point of just surface level information. Working as an EMT in a city as large as Arkadia left little time for deep philosophical discussions, but there was a connection between them that couldn't be explained, and Clarke had pressed in order to explore it more.

Sadly, with the little downtime they did have, Clarke and Lexa would normally go over the rescue and talk about what they could do better next time. Clarke knew how important it was to Lexa to learn everything she could while on the job, and she wanted nothing more than to help however possible. It was just a bonus that Lexa's hands would sometimes brush up next to hers unnecessarily and linger longer than needed. Or that Lexa would lean into Clarke's space when talking to her, claiming she wanted to make sure she was heard over the white noise the ambulance made when driving. The only issue was that Lexa could be closed off at times, especially when topics became too personal.

"Super busy," Lexa responded. "The team I was assigned to is great, and I'm learning a lot. The team lead is crazy intelligent. Pretty sure I could graduate top of my class with her helping me."

Clarke realized she really shouldn't be listening to Lexa’s conversation, but her curiosity about who could be on the other line overrode her ethical senses. Plus, Lexa was sitting in public having this conversation. It's not like Clarke had snuck up on her to listen.

"Don't be jealous, no one could replace you," she overheard Lexa say. Okay, she definitely should not be listening in. She was obviously listening in on a call between Lexa and her boyfriend. Girlfriend? But that didn't vibe with how Lexa had been acting around her this past month.

"I love you too much to do that, Madi." Lexa answered, upbeat and happy. Girlfriend, Clarke decided.

The handheld buzzer in her pocket went off, letting Clarke know her order was ready to go, and giving Clarke a reason to finally put herself out of her misery and step away from the conversation. How could she have misread their situation so badly? She took her breakfast and tea and started her walk home. Lexa had a girlfriend.

####

It was two days later, and Clarke was going to be seeing Lexa again for the first time since overhearing her conversation with her girlfriend. She was not looking forward to it. She felt like an idiot, letting Lexa's fantastic smile, kindness, and flirtatious attitude cloud her judgment. She should have realized that the reason for Lexa being closed off at times was to hide a relationship.

"Hey, Clarke," she heard Lexa happily announce as she walked up to the ambulance, "I stopped by the bakery near my place to grab us some scones to go with our coffee tonight." Lexa placed the scones right inside the opened doors at the back.

"Hi, Lexa." Clark responded dismissively. "Thanks. I forgot to grab you one though, sorry. I was running late."

It was a lie, of course. An outright lie. As childish as it was, Clarke wanted to be petty after finding out Lexa had been toying with her emotions. She didn't forget to grab a coffee for Lexa. In fact, she thought long and hard about NOT ordering Lexa her usual, debating on if it would set a bad tone for the night. But, she ultimately decided she needed to pull back on their quickly developing friendship.

"Oh," Lexa sadly replied. "That's alright."

Lexa climbed into the back of the ambulance and started on their inventory checklist. Clarke normally helped her out, but tonight she left Lexa and Nate, their third team member, to do it on their own. It was a precursor to the rest of the night.

Their normal, lighthearted conversations were replaced by awkward silence. It made Clarke feel gutted. She still held their "lessons learned" session after each patient, but she was much more clinical and professional in her teachings. And she made sure to hold back on her usual tactile teaching moments she often used when correcting Lexa's form.

The shift in their dynamic did not go unnoticed by Lexa. After a few attempts at what had become their normal routine, Lexa gave up. She started sitting on the opposite side of the ambulance, rather than next to Clarke. And instead of talking to her, she read one of the medical trauma books Clarke had recommended. Even Nate had kept to himself.

Clarke hated the distance. It had only been a month, but she had become accustomed to being around Lexa. She had wanted to be next to her, learning about her, sharing stories. To get excited with her when Lexa learned a new skill, or performed it flawlessly. But she couldn’t allow herself to get caught up with someone who was taken. It was wrong.

As the night came to an end, Clarke completed their outbrief before directing Lexa and Nate to finalize the ambulance for the next shift. As she walked to the hospital to start the turnover paperwork, she heard a yell from behind her. “Clarke!” It was Lexa. She took a deep breath, steadying herself before turning around.

“What’s up, Lexa?” She asked nonchalantly.

Can I talk to you for a minute?” Lexa bravely asked. For Clarke’s face was not as welcoming, try as she might. “Please?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Clarke responded. Being alone with Lexa would not help Clarke’s conundrum. She was already fighting with herself; wanting to be closer to this woman and yet, wanting to push her as far away as possible.

Lexa looked defeated. “Did I… do something wrong?” She questioned. “Because I feel like you shut me out today.”

Clarke stared into Lexa’s eyes. Gorgeous green eyes that captivated her. Eyes that Clarke would catch making prolonged glances her way when Lexa thought she couldn’t see her. Eyes that should be looking at someone else that way, not her.

That thought solidified Clarke’s decision. She would talk to her, but she had to confront Lexa with what she overheard at the cafe and set boundaries for their future shifts. Their relationship needed to be strictly professional.

“We can talk. It’s probably best.” She answered, nodding her head towards the alley. Lexa followed quietly behind her.

Clarke jumped right into the conversation, just wanting it to be over. “Listen, Lexa. I think we’ve been crossing the lines of professionalism a bit too much at work.” Clarke stated. “It’s making me uncomfortable.”

Lexa nodded, seeming to understand exactly what Clarke meant. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware it was making you uncomfortable.” She responded.

“It wasn’t making me uncomfortable,” Clarke said, honestly. ”What makes me uncomfortable is that you have a girlfriend. That changes everything.”

This time, Lexa did not nod. Instead, her head did a slight tilt as her eyebrows furrowed. “I what?” Lexa asked, with a tone of confusion, rather than the defensive tone, Clarke expected.

“Lexa, please don’t play dumb.” Clarke had thought that Lexa would come clean if she confronted her. Had hoped she would own up to it, and maybe apologize. “We’ve been flirting, and all this time, you’ve been in a relationship.”

“Clarke,” Lexa said quietly. “I don’t have a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend, in case that’s what you plan on accusing me of next.”

Clarke shook her head. “No, I heard you on the phone with her the other day. At Grounders.” Clarke finally came clean. “I was sitting behind you when you were talking to ‘Madi’ on the couch.”

Realization dawned on Lexa’s face, followed by a large smile. Clarke was confused. How could Lexa be smiling at this moment?

“You were eavesdropping on me?” She asked. Smile still plastered on her face.

Clarke was getting more confused by the moment, and it was causing her to be defensive. “I didn’t do it on purpose, Lexa! I was going to say hi, but you were on the phone. And you sat down on the couch right next to my table, and it was impossible not to hear.” She huffed.

“Clarke,” Lexa managed through a slight chuckle. “Madi is my little sister.” Clarke’s heart dropped into her stomach. Her what? “I’ll show you a picture.”

Lexa took her phone out of her back pocket and showed Clarke her lock screen. On it were two, wavy haired brunettes smiling at the camera; the little girl holding onto Lexa’s back looked like a younger version of Lexa. “See, my little sister.”

“Shit.” Clarke mumbled under her breath. “Shit.” She turned to walk away, embarrassed.

Lexa quickly put her phone back and gently grabbed Clarke’s arm to turn her back. But Clarke refused to face her.

“Please look at me, Clarke.” Lexa nudged. Clarke shook her head in defiance. “Please?” Lexa asked one more time.

It took a few seconds before Clarke looked up, her face beet red. But Lexa was beaming. “How are you still smiling when I just accused you of cheating?” She asked. “God! I feel like such an idiot!”

“I’m smiling because you said, ‘WE’VE been flirting’.” Lexa’s smile instantly changed from happy to cocky. “Which means that I wasn’t the only one flirting. And I’m hoping it means that if I ask you on a date, you’ll say ‘yes’.”

“Do you still want to ask me on a date after how I just acted?” Clarke wondered out loud.

“I really do,” Lexa responded quickly. “I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while, but I wasn’t sure how you felt. Maybe you’re just one of those women who are touchy, feely with their friends.” She boldly reached down and held Clarke’s hand. When she didn’t pull away, she continued. “I’d really like to see you outside work. We can start small. I believe you owe me a coffee,” she joked.

“That I do,” Clarke chuckled. She was feeling lighter already. “How about tea and breakfast, instead? Are you free for Grounders after I turn this paperwork in?”

“I am,” smiled Lexa. “I’ll finish up our end of day checklist and meet you there.”

“Sounds good.” She gave Lexa’s hand a squeeze before heading back in to finish up.

Clarke was halfway to the doors when she heard Lexa yell for her again, “And Clarke!” she stated with a smile, “I’m a one woman, woman.” Clarke shook her head and smiled. “That’s the best news I’ve heard in a while.” ‘And this is the best of Karma I’ve had in a while,’ she thought to herself.

#anon #clexa #clexa fic #woods au #fanfiction prompts #fanfiction trope mash-up

[heartfullofleeches]

Wait- that evil cartoon clown universe is means for a children show? Dang, evil clown reader it's the worst influence to children that uses cartoons to mold their personalities, imagine one of the children actually acting like reader, and their parent see that and 1. get's suspected of the show and watching that just to fall get obsessed for reader 2. feel proud (?) because they already likes reader

Monroe plays with the glass in hand; the rowdy children running around the party area knocking into their table and causing them to spill their drink over their shirt. Their own little one was with a group of others; gathered around the brightly dressed entertainer crowding their attention.

From the second the invitation was placed on his desk, Monroe's son, Nick, would not stop talking about his classmates birthday - staring his favorite character from his favorite show. With any bad influence, they were on guard about his fascination with you. A rough, loud mouth clown that vilified common social rules and caused trouble for the rest of the crew. But in the same breath, you taught kids how to express themselves creatively and often owned up to your crimes when caught so they couldn't complain much.

They also couldn't deny that you weren't weren't half bad actor. In the few scenes where you excluded that obnoxious voice for your real one, they found it to be quite nice. Even in the few times they had seen you about today they wouldn't argue that you didn't look too bad up close.

A scream catches their attention. Rushing into action; Monroe's worst fears are realized when they see Nick on the floor with a scrapped knee, but they die quickly due to the events that unfold before them.

As soon as their son's cries had started - they stopped; a polka-dot sleeve wiping his tears away. He tripped over a discarded cup and landed hard while trying to catch your attention.

"It's alright. Just a little scratch." Your real tone comes out as you comfort the boy; switching back just as quick as you pull a bandage from your pocket. "Let's get you fixed up. Wouldn't want any doctors sneaking in here."

You help him up; noticing Monroe as he stares in their direction. You walk over to them, curious smile on your face. "This little guy yours?"

Nick jumps from yours and into theirs; completely unfazed. With their child in good spirits, all that's left to do is hide the crackle in their voice as they answer with a cough.

"Yes.. T..hank you." They flash a small smile of their own; confidence faltering as you return with a quiet laugh. Where they really getting worked up over some actor in a show their child liked? It would make things easier in a potential relationship.. - What were they thinking?

You pat the flustered parent on the shoulder. "No need to thank me. Can't let a member of my crew get hurt. Make sure you take care of each other."

-

The party ends shortly after that. Monroe takes a tired Nick back to their home a few houses away; returning to help with clean up. They sneak a few glimpses as you; chatting away with the other parents as they offer you some left over birthday cake. Your makeup has rubbed off a bit, but your still all smiles for the older crowd. That show their son loved seemed far more appealing than before for some reason.

They get your contact information from their friend for future reference - taking a photo of your license plate just for extra measure.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere oc #yandere scenarios #yandere imagines #yandere x you #yandere headcanons #yandere insert #yandere drabble #yandere fic #yandere writing #yandere x y/n

[myckicade]

Title: Barter

Series: The Last of Us

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: It's been a number of years since you first made your home in Jackson. Your house is a cozy little two-story, with beautiful flowers, an herb garden, and a small flock of ducks roaming the yard. The old barn-turned-garage beside the house serves as your veterinary clinic. You do your part around the settlement, helping, providing, and carving out a little bit of peace in a world determined to provide none.

When Ellie stops by your place, visibly distressed that her horse has gone off her food, you don't hesitate to get out to the stables. There, you encounter Joel, who offers to help with maintenance to your clinic, in exchange for your help with his daughter's horse. You aren't terribly concerned with the repayment, not when there is an ailing creature to tend to, but you strike the deal to ease Joel's mind.

As a woman who has been repaid in a variety of forms - vegetables, eggs, clothing - a trade of services really isn't all that bad. Joel is a nice enough guy, helpful and respectful, and he does good work. Over time, one trade leads to another, and another, leaving you in each other's company more often than you'd originally bargained for. There's nothing between you, beyond a growing friendship. He's a handsome man, and a fine catch, but more hasn't really crossed your mind. But small towns talk, even the good ones, and talk could easily change everything.

A/N: The amount of research I did on this, just to make it half-believable, is truly startling. Heh. I promise, no one will be growing mango fruit in the middle of a Wyoming winter. Some details will be from personal experience.

Also, please note that this will be far more plot-heavy than smut-filled. I wrote romance novels for years, and… I need plot. Heh.

Finally, please remember that this is the only chapter that will appear in the main series tag. Please follow #TloUBarterFic or #TLoU Barter Fic for future chapters.

Tag List: @stevetonycupcakes

Chapter One: Bramble of Ida

March 24th, 2024

A bitter morning wind whips down the street as you all but stagger back toward your house. There is very little noise happening around you, other than the creaking of tree branches, and the soft crunches of snow beneath your boots. The rest of the town is still asleep, save for those on patrol, and the group on rotation to feed and tend the livestock. How you envy anyone still with head pressed to pillow.

Grief, what a night. Tugging off one glove, you rub at the back of your aching neck with your bare fingers. It does little to relieve tension, but you lie to yourself, all the same. For a moment. All too soon, the frigid air invades up the sleeve of your jacket, sinking into your newly-exposed skin until you are left shivering. With a quiet curse, you put your hand back in your glove, and continue toward home. Fucking winter. It’s a beautiful season to watch, but a real bitch to have to contend with, in person. At the very least, it’s almost over. A few more weeks, and signs of spring will begin to turn up.

Just… a few more weeks.

The sun is just beginning to peek through the trees as you pass the Monroe house. It’s a lovely little place, two-story, painted a soft blue. There’s a basketball hoop mounted above the garage door, patio furniture under a tarp on the front lawn, and… You pause, and chuckle. The chickens from the Patterson place, next door, have once again invaded Wendy Monroe’s snow-covered garden space. The gate has swung open, the latch likely giving out with the cold, and the chickens look to be enjoying a few minutes of pre-discovery peace in pecking through the snow at whatever remains of last year’s plants. Wendy’s a good sport, and doesn’t usually mind the squawk-happy little visitors, but it’s far too cold for them to be out of their coop, unsupervised.

With a heavy sigh, you consider that thought a second time, and a third. The temperatures have dipped over the last few hours. Judging from the thermometer you’d seen in the hog pen, there had been a loss of nearly eighteen degrees during your six-hour visit. It certainly doesn’t feel any warmer now, and in another hour those birds will be in serious trouble. With that in mind, you make a sharp pivot to the right, and trespass onto the Monroe property.

“All right, ladies,” you call, as quietly as will get their attention. No reason to risk waking the occupants of either household. If someone of your profession can’t handle something this simple, they ought to run you out of town. “Time to get your fluffy little butts back home!” The chickens pay you little to no mind at all, until you approach the open garden gate. Five sets of startled eyes are suddenly staring you down, leaving you in a smirk. Adorable creatures, chickens. Sassy, snippy, and full of surprises. You really should raise some of your own.

Scratch that, so to speak. You hardly need to invite the chance of being outsmarted by a flock of birds. What was that thought, again, about being run out of town?

You fight back a chuckle, and change tactics. “Come on,” you urge, waving your hands in the air, just enough to get the chickens moving. Sure enough, the Queen Bee of the flock lets out an irritated sound and flutters her way back out of the gate. It takes a moment before the rest of the girls follow behind her. Not one of them is pointing in the direction of home, but they’ve left you with enough room to lock the gate.

Well, scratch that. You manage to get it closed, but that lock is definitely frozen.

The Patterson’s coop, an old garden shed that has long since been converted and insulated, is only a few yards away. Getting them there, though, will be a task of near-Herculean proportions… For one who doesn’t know where the Pattersons keep the chicken feed. Lucky for you, you’ve been in to check on the ladies more than once, and have firsthand knowledge of their setup. Blessedly, the snow isn’t terribly deep, and you make it over to the coop and back within seconds. Holding up your hands, you shake the cupful of feed you snagged. Once again, five sets of very interested eyes are turned toward you.

“That’s more like it,” you murmur, grinning. “Now, come on.” You take a couple of slow steps backward and shake the cup again. It takes only a few seconds for the chickens to come rushing toward you. You pick up your pace, shaking the food every few steps, so as not to lose their attention. As you move closer, a chorus of clucks rises from inside the coop. Apparently, you’ve caused quite a stir. The clucks come closer, louder and louder, and you glance over your shoulder to see that the remaining three chickens in the flock have wandered out to meet you.

Evidently, the garden lock isn’t the only fastening on the fritz.

Rounding to the front of the coop, careful not to step on any of the new partygoers, your assumption is proven correct. The swing door to the coop is wide open, the straw inside blown all about, some spilling out on the ramp. The wind may have rattled the door open, loose as the lock looks from where you stand. You make a mental note to stop by and see Alan, this afternoon, to advise him to put something a little stronger on there.

For now, you lure the chickens back into the coop, spreading a little bit of feed across the inside edges of the enclosure. No use in throwing it in, just to make a mess for the Pattersons to have to worry about. The girls skitter their way inside, and, as soon as the last feathered behind is out of the way, you swing the door closed, removing your gloves to properly fasten the latch. Reaching into your pocket, you retrieve a leftover bit of jute twine, which you slip into the latch hole, loop around the lock fastening, and tie off into a sturdy, but easily removed knot. Once you are satisfied that the knot is in place, you give the door handle a little tug. There. That isn’t going anywhere.

“Night, girls,” you call, softly, as you replace the food cup into the appropriate bin. Pulling your gloves back on, you start back for the road, and back toward home. Once you’ve had some sleep, you’ll make sure to venture back out, and stop in to let both homeowners know it was you that came onto their respective properties. If you had any paper with you, you’d leave notes to explain, but calling back in a few hours will have to do.

Your house was already in your view before you noticed the chickens, just half a dozen places down the road. You’ve been looking forward to your bed since you last left it, the morning before. You need a shower first, and something to eat, both of which run you the risk of just falling asleep, standing up. Oh, well. A simple enough cost, exhaustion, for so rich a reward as you’d seen delivered, overnight. Miracles, even in this world, still manage to exist, every here and there.

Unfortunately, so do curses, another of which you swallow back as you spot someone standing on your front porch. Blowing out a puff of air, you make your way up the driveway, mentally preparing yourself for what you are about to hear. Anyone calling at such an ungodly hour as this surely has an emergency that needs seeing to. Funny, that’s the same thing you told yourself just ahead of midnight, the night before, as you’d flicked on one light after another, on your way to open the front door.

Yeah. So much for sleep.

The individual at your door – a man, from the looks of things – has his back to you as he raises his fist to knock. He’s certainly a solid looking gentleman, in jeans, a work jacket, and what looks to be a black hat. Quite frankly, it could be anybody, but most folks in town would be beating down your door and calling out your name to get your attention. You’re not used to this calm, polite knocking. Well, not before sunrise.

“Hey, there,” you call, as you approach the three steps at the side of your porch. Your visitor doesn’t turn around, instead knocking a second time. Odd. Shaking it off, you try again, a little bit louder. “Can I help you?” The man finally turns your way, clearly a bit off guard. It makes you feel bad to have startled him, enough that you find enough energy to put on a welcoming smile. “Sorry. I’m sure you weren’t expecting to be snuck up on.”

“Are you (y/n)?” he asks, with absolutely no preamble. You raise an eyebrow in response, smile failing you, considerably. The man’s features are a bit difficult to make out in the shadows, leaving you no clues as to the nature of his visit. Leave it to you to forget to turn on the porch light when you’d left the house.

“I am,” you reply, taking each step up at a slow, measured pace. He steps to the side to face you, now bringing his face into the light. Pleasant surprise, it’s a handsome one. A little rough, a little grey, but handsome, and distantly – suspiciously – familiar. Still, there’s no need to assume, right? “How can I help you, Mister…?”

The man makes a peculiar face, then rolls his eyes. “Sh-I’m sorry. My name is Joel.” He offers you a gloved hand. “Joel Miller.”

Ah. So, your second assumption of the morning has been proven correct. Your smile recovers, a bit, as you come close enough to return the handshake. Solid grip on him, you note, even if short-lived. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Miller.” He nods once, politely, but doesn’t say anything in response. “What can I do for you?”

He wrings his hands together for a second, and glances to the side. “Ah, listen, I’m sorry to be stopping in so early,” he begins, voice as low and hushed as you figure he can make it. With a rich tone like that, it’s almost amusing. “Maria said you might be able to help me out. I was gonna’ wait ‘til later, but…” He trails off, somewhere between guilty and uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, your default setting of concerned is deepening. “One of your horses sick?” you ask, excusing yourself as you step around your visitor to open the front door. The sooner you can get to your stores, the sooner another living being might find some relief. Two, if you count the trouble Mr. Miller seems to be feeling.

“No,” he shoots back, almost instantly. You glance over your shoulder in surprise, to find Mr. Miller rubbing his neck in a self-conscious manner. It’s the perfect fit for the flustered look on his face. “No, uh… Sorry. No, it ain’t the horses. It’s, uh… My…” He sighs in frustration. “It’s Ellie. Have you met her?”

“Haven’t had the pleasure, yet.” The name certainly registers though, thanks to Tommy chatting away about his brother and niece, whenever the two of you cross paths. The man is terribly sweet and sentimental when the mood strikes. “What can I do for Ellie, then?” It might be the rising light playing tricks, but you could almost swear the man before you now is going a bit pink. Which, with men, can only mean one thing. Amused as you suddenly are, you keep a straight face. “Mr. Miller?”

“She…” He pauses, scratching a gloved index finger along his cheek. “You see, it’s her, uh… I mean, she’s got her… Erm…”

That tears it. You have to turn back toward the door, hiding both a grin and a silent cackle in your scarf. It’s so pitifully adorable, you almost don’t make it. “Follow me,” you instruct, trying like all hell to keep your voice good and steady as you open the front door and click on a light. You gesture for Mr. Miller to step inside your kitchen, which he does, removing his hat and closing the door behind himself. You peel off your gloves, then your jacket and hat, depositing all four items onto your countertop. “How much pain is she in?” you ask, opening the last cupboard before the window. From the corner of your eye, you see Mr. Miller fidgeting with his hat.

“Heat didn’t help, this time,” he explains, worry creeping into every syllable. Poor bastard. Not easy being the single father of a teenage girl. Mr. Miller is hardly the first dad to see you for this reason, and he likely will not be the last. “She’s a tough girl. Usually powers right through, but this time…” He fiddles with his hat again, and you look back to the cabinet, grabbing the first item you need as he continues to talk. “She’s in a bad way.”

You nod along as you get out everything you need. Once you have an assortment of tins in front of you, you begin taking pieces from the half-filled tins and mixing them into an empty one. Poor kid. Being a woman yourself, you get it. Especially now, when Advil and Tylenol are worth their weight in platinum. Which, to be fair, is completely useless nowadays, but that’s really beside the point.

A few moments pass in silence, save for the quiet clatter of your ingredients. “I’d say I was sorry to have woken you,” Mr. Miller says, eyes wandering over your kitchen, surely just for something to do. If you were any less focused on your task, you might feel a bit embarrassed at the cluttered state of your countertops. “But all the same, even though you were already up.”

Oh. You can’t help but let out a pitiful little laugh at that. “Truth be told, I haven’t been to bed, yet.”

“You haven’t?” he asks, teetering on startled. “You know what time it is, right?” There’s a bit of a smile playing on the man’s face, and you have to admit, he’s wearing it well.

“I’m aware,” you admit, placing the lid on the three-quarters full tin and giving it a gentle shake. You do your best not to tune in on the sound your actions are producing. The light tapping and swirling could easily lull you to sleep. “Had to help deliver some piglets.”

That perks Mr. Miller’s attention. “Sally or Marla?” he asks.

You give a little scoff. “Both, if you can believe it.” You move around the curve of the counter, still shaking away at the tin. “Marla went first. While I was helping her, Sally decided to catch the spirit, and had hers, too.”

That seems to amuse him for a second, before gravity settles in. “Everybody good?”

“Mostly.” You sigh. “Marla dropped one, then she dropped. The second one wouldn’t come out. But the first one was a distance away from her. Don’t know how long the baby was alone in the cold, but Amy Sid took the little guy in for the night. He’ll be fine,” you’re quick to reassure, at the distressed look on Mr. Miller’s face. It’s a feeling you understand, all too well. “I just want him somewhere warm, where he can be fed and watched. Sally’s babies are fine. She didn’t have as many, but she breezed right through it.”

Shit. You realize, all at once, that you’ve been rambling at a complete stranger like he’s your best buddy. Granted, he likely knows all the same things you do in this settlement, especially where the animals are concerned, but still. Fighting the embarrassed flush that you just know is coming, you stop shaking the tin in your hand and hold it out toward your guest.

“Good to hear,” Mr. Miller replies, accepting the tin and giving it a suspicious look. “Dare I ask?”

“Oh!” you breathe, dialing back in. “Right. So, brew Ellie a cup of tea every few hours, so long as the cramps keep coming back. Just a small scoop of the stuff.” In your embarrassment, you’re speaking a mile a minute. Perhaps you ought to write it all down for him, just in case? “Depending upon the severity of her cramps, it might not take them away entirely, but it should ease them.” He carefully removes the lid and looks inside, apparently surprised at what he sees. “That should last her a while. But if it doesn’t help, come back and see me. It would be easier if she was here, right now, to get specifics, but…” You rock your head from side to side. “I understand.”

Mr. Miller leans in and gives the contents a sniff, recoiling, a bit, at the scent. “The hell is it?”

“Raspberry leaf, mostly,” you explain, again trying not to let your amusement show. “Chamomile, a bit of cinnamon. A couple of other things.” He glances up at you, blinking. “It won’t hurt her. I promise.”

Mr. Miller nods, after what you can only imagine is a moment of indecision. Trust her, don’t trust her? He closes the container, tucking it away in his pocket. “What do I owe you?” he asks, shifting on his feet. It’s a fine question, and one that you are more than used to hearing, but you shake your head, all the same. He frowns. “I’m serious.”

“I’m sure you are,” you reply. And, you really are. But… “But I’m too tired to come up with anything, and you’ve got a little girl that needs that stuff, as soon as you can get it to her.” You smile. “Worry about it another time.”

Mr. Miller looks ready to argue for half a second. “Okay,” he murmurs instead, replacing his hat atop his head. “Thank you for your help, (y/n).” He turns and opens the door.

You follow him over, one hand resting on the door as you see him out. “You’re welcome, Mr. Miller.”

He pauses and glances back with a faint smile. “Joel.”

“You’re welcome, Joel,” you correct, as he steps off the porch. “I hope Ellie feels better, soon.” He nods and continues on his way at a steady pace. Once the man is down the driveway and onto the street, you close the door. A quiet man, Joel Miller. Polite. Easy on the eyes. Probably be even easier, if you’d been able to keep them open while he was here. Ah, well. You can worry about that more in the morning.

Okay. At this rate, the afternoon.

Placing the covers back on the tins on your countertop, you stuff them back into the cupboard, and close the door. Forget food. Forget a shower. Hell, you don’t even have the energy to stop for a bathroom break. It will keep until… Until it can’t. With that thought in mind, you turn out the lights and drop onto the couch. Fuck it. You have to be up in a few hours, anyhow.

#Joel x Reader #Joel Miller x Reader #Joel x You #Joel Miller x You #Barter Fic #TLoU Barter Fic #TLoUBarterFic #The Last of Us #TLoU #TLoU Fanfiction #The Last of Us Fanfiction #Joel Miller #Reader Based Fic

[r-we-taire-yet]

Hatchetfield Regency

@soggedboytroutanti mentioned a few days ago that a 'Peter wearing his ghost outfit but for real' au was interesting so I thought I'd give a little overview of my regency romance story idea. I won't start it for real until I've finished Teeth That Turn, but if it seems intriguing I may write some bits to share ahead of that. Here's the basic summary of the story:

Solomon Lauter is the most politically powerful man in town, but his position is precarious. If he doesn't get elected again, his 'new wealth' status will get him thrown out of the places and events that his role as mayor has allowed him into. His only real option to solve this problem is to marry his daughter to one of the good families in town. Unfortunately, after his wife died, he basically ignored his daughter until she was old enough to bring into society. That has resulted in a rebellious, improper girl he can not push to do anything. Her refusal to do as she is told is the biggest hurdle between Solomon and his goals.

The most eligible bachelor in town is Max Jägerman. He is old money, he is wealthy, he is handsome, and he is an absolute dick. Despite her detest for Max, Stephanie is pushed by her father to try and woo him to secure her future. All she wanted to do at events was hang out in the corner with Peter Spankoffski and make snarky comments about the ugly dresses of Mrs. Monroe, but Peter isn't an acceptable match according to her father, so she has to focus on Max instead.

Stephanie isn't the only girl who wanted to woo Max. Most of the eligible girls in town want to have a chance at gaining his love, but none more so than Grace Chasity. Grace wants the best possible match, the best possible husband, and she is GOING to get it. The fact that her best friend Stephanie is also attempting to gain her future husband's favor is an utter betrayal, and something needed to be done about it. She isn't attracted to Max, obviously, but the best thing a good Christian woman of her status could do was find an appropriate husband and have many children. Did she think about touching his hair and his chest and his- no! Obviously not! She is simply trying to do what was correct: find a suitable husband and do her duty to the lord.

Peter Spankoffski, however, is not actually looking for a match. The Spankoffski family is old money, but their father squandered it all prior to Peter's birth. Not only that, but he seduced a married woman, creating his brother Ted, and then married her after her husband died. At least Peter is legitimate due to that, he had that going for him, but nothing else. His father's reputation follows him everywhere he goes, and they don't have the money to bring him out into society properly. Despite the hand-me-down clothes and terrible family name, Peter has a good head on his shoulders and has aspirations to bring back his family's social standing and fortune. If Stephanie could wait a few years for him to get on his feet, if her father would give him the time... but no. He won't, and Peter will never gain her father's approval. The best thing he can do is support her in her search for a better husband.

At least he has his friend Ruth and Richie to comfort him. Richie works for the Spankoffski family as a footman and Ruth works as a maid for the Chasity family. They get a good view of the drama unfolding and decide to... help... to the best of their ability. Whether they can actually help solve this or if they will make things worse is yet to be determined, but they are definitely trying. They have no real interest in romance for themselves, but if that happens while they're busy being meddling matchmakers, that's just a bonus.

Who will end up getting Max's hand? Will Peter be able 'redeem' his family and convince Mr. Lauter of his worth? Will Ruth and Richie succeed in their attempts to influence the matches of the town, or will they make everything worse? All things yet to be determined.

I might add more characters and romances because I think about this sort of thing way too much. Some other little bits include

Paul works as an accountant for the Perkins family and has been in love with the younger daughter of the family for years but hasn't said a word due to the difference in status

Ted also works for the Perkins family because his family is flat broke, and he needs the money regardless of the embarrassment it causes

Richie is Paul's nephew, I might make Trevor his brother but I'm not sure yet

The Perkins family is one of the wealthy families in town, they own a paper mill that works with the lumber mill in town. Jane died about a year ago, their parents died recently. Emma never left town, she was engaged to Gary Goldstein for a time, but she broke it off when he cheated on her and she hasn't dated since

Emma and Jane's parents did not support Jane's marriage to Tom because he is a carpenter and they left Jane nothing when they died. Emma now has a family fortune and no idea what to do with it, hence hiring a team of accountants in the hopes of not fucking things up

Tom genuinely wants none of the Perkins money, he hated Jane's parents and hates everything that goes with it. Emma was firmly in their grip until their death and started reaching out afterwards to try and build a relationship but it's been tough.

Roman Murray owns a shipping company and could easily live somewhere else but instead stays in Hatchetfield because he can rule it financially. He and Solomon are absolute rivals in town.

Linda hates living in Hatchetfield and wants to be in a bigger city with more high society, but she and Gerald love her dad's money and he will take it away if they leave. Gerald is a wealthy doctor, but not that kind of wealth.

Grace's dad is still in real estate, but more as a wealthy landlord. They are slightly new money but it's a generation back further than Steph.

Max's family owns the lumber mill.

Peter's family was old money, aka inherited wealth from ancestors doing well in business. Their dad was a younger son so he didn't actually inherit everything, but he squandered what he did have. Peter's uncle hasn't been in contact with them for ages and lives in Chicago.

Solomon is a self made man, no wealthy background, no family to help. He is a social climber, and an excellent politician which has gotten him this far, but it can't get him over the hurdle of being new on the scene.

If anyone has any other questions about this concept feel free to ask. I think too much.

#hatchetfield #nerdy prudes must die

[houseofpendragons]

Thoughts on Teen Wolf the Movie while watching it (SPOILERS) pt.1

Before I even start let me say that they should've just made it another 12 or 10 or hell even an 8 episode mini series

Should've opened with Isaac instead of Liam and Hikari in Japan smh. He was the last one to have the triskele box, how tf did Liam get it? (I do understand that Daniel Sharman couldn't be in the film but still...at least give me an explanation)

I don't care what they say, Hikari was supposed to be Kira and Hikari wasn't supposed to even exist. Liam and Hikari are clearly what Scott & Kira Should've been, minus the restaurant in Japan, if they'd done the right thing and brought Kira back in the last season. He said he'd wait for her😭. (Though I Stan the actress for not coming back when they were going to pay her white female castmates more than her. Honestly fuck them for that)

Why does Liam own a restaurant in Japan. How did we get here in our lives. Liam u supposed to be protecting Beacon Hills. Also idk what career I though Liam would get but it definitely wouldn't have been restaurant owner. I can see him as a coach maybe (at Devonford Prep in honor of Brett; huh maybe I did know what career I thought he'd have🤔)

Damn y'all really keeping Nogi with teas and spices. Ig hiding it in plain sight works idk 🤷‍♀️

Why Liam fall like that 😭

Damn Nogi really reminding me of the Witch from Narnia when she appeared in that ice wall thing in the second movie

also if Nogi can talk through that thing, why hasn't he manipulate someone into setting him free already

Though that Nogi was like a regular fly, not a firefly...

Scott being call "The Alpha" like they'll never know🤫 also like I thought Monroe went international w/ her hunting. Ain't no way Scott's just chillin all carefree enough to put his name on a business.

Yeah Scott save that doggie...oh and the little grl too. Also this would've been better plot wise if this was a flashback of Scott saving a little Hikari, it would explain how she's randomly apart of the pack now

Love how Scott's animal clinic looks like a mixture of Deaton's vet place and Derek's loft

Scott talking about having kids one day was how I knew they'd give him Eli at the end. Like wtf, he should be raised by his family, by other born wolves who know about the werewolf history that Derek did. Like hello we got great uncle Peter, auntie Cora, and hell even cousin Malia. Derek WOULD NOT want his SON raised by an ARGENT!

"I didn't see it. I took my eyes off the road for like two seconds to change the song on my ipod"

Wooo spooky 👻

I said ah oop jump scare Chris "I never use the front door" Argent

Poor Chris no parent ever deserves their child to die before them

Bardo! and who stayed up all night doing research about Bardo for you, huh, Mr. McTruealphaman. KIRA!

Yes papa Argent, say fuck

Well Jeff Davis said he wanted the timeline to work out so that Eli was born before Derek returned to Beacon Hills in an interview (idk where it is and I'm too lazy to find it) and after the series finale timeskip in the last season it was 2017, its now 2026 so technically it's been 11 years Scott my boy

Look at me out here fixing the timeline for everyone😁

"I got a feeling the real answers are in Beacon Hills" Yeah no shit Chris, everything's gotta do with Beacon Hills

Scott your the alpha. Be the alpha. Quit asking other people to to decisions for you, for the love of God

So Scott I understand why you left Beacon Hills but are we going to address what happend to Monroe and the internatipnal hunters Corp? No?...okay then

Chris why did you leave mama McCall. Jeff u really out here breaking everyone up. Should've got w/ Papa Stilinski so Scott and Stiles could be brothers fr "oh what could've been"

Why the pack break up? not gonna give me an explanation again...okay I'm sensing a pattern here

Yeassss!!! Business woman Lydia, we knew u could do it. And she looks very snazzy in that white outfit with her ponytail if I do say so myself. Funny how the banshee's business has to do with sound lmao it's perfect.

Lyd!😭 Thats Mrs. Martin-Stilinski to you! Shit at least call her Lyds so that you don't sound like your calling her a lid💀

Damn u think Lydia would've learned to look at stuff by now before handing it out. Nah but on a real note I feel like she should have a better understanding of her abilities by now, and have expanded on them, and had more control of them but that might be just me

I SAID ITS MRS. MARTIN-STILINSKI Ray or whatever ur name is!

Oooo the automatic writing again

Yayyy Eli Hale! In my head Eli is a nickname for Elijah, just like Derek is a nickname Frederick (if you known you know🤣)

Hale Auto?! Ain't no way. Derek ain't a mechanic. I refuse. Terrible career choice for the man. He's rich, he ain't even gotta work

Maybe Malia could be a mechanic but I doubt it, ooo a Park Ranger would be perfect.

Love how Eli just hotwired that jeep😂. Oh and just let me say this here and get it out of my system. Eli is similar to both Stiles and Scott when they were younger but he is NOT STILES. Yes he's sarcastic and a little delinquent but do you guys know how many teenagers are sarcastic little delinquents? Alot. It's a teen thing. I was the same way (minus the crimes😂) and still am sarcastic af. Love Eli as Eli, not a mini or replacement for Stiles. Love u guys to death but we went into this knowing there was no Stiles.

Jeff Davis: No Stiles.

Us: No Stiles?

Jeff Davis: No Stiles!

Boys gonna pop a damn wheelie in fucking Roscoe

Love how Parrish just calls Mason instead of tailing him

I'm fucking dead💀they was all too scared to tell Derek (me too thou bc sourwolf is scary😶)

Why is Mason a deputy? Feel like he should be working at Lydia's, like he's right under her is what I'd say he should be doing. I could see Corey, his husband, maybe being a deputy though. *gasp* or a cute little school teacher🥺

I stand by what I said earlier, Malia should be a park ranger and I add to that by saying that she should be the consultant and not Derek (though i understand they had to reintroduce his character) she spent a lot of time in those woods, and she's more intune with her animal side than anyone else

Derek still sexy af

serial arsonist...wolf pack also has a serial arsonist. I swear to God they should've just made it a spin off instead of its own thing

You definitely should call Stiles, he's head of his own supernatural devison in the FBI👍

Love how Derek was like a fugitive for most of the series and now he works w/ the police. Eli taking up that criminal mantel now😂

I mean...is it really grand theft auto if he took it from his own dads shop🤷‍♀️🤣

Derek's got ptsd from the jeep

Eli wanted to race that grl, I now headcanon that's how he flirts. Just like his daddy he's like haha look I'm better than you at something "you wanna see some real speed bitch" (flashbacks to when Derek flirted with Paige by being an ass with that basketball, like grl just wanted to play her cello in peace and quite)

Love how Derek just like slashed the tires. Really said "i don't think so. My names Derek hale. I go way back" (I'm so sorry to anyone reading this)

Part 1-5

#teen wolf #teen wolf the movie #scott mccall #alan deaton #liam dunbar #hikari zhang #isaac lahey #derek hale #eli hale #malia tate #mason hewitt #jordan parrish #sheriff stilinski #peter hale #cora hale #corey bryant

[cookinguptales]

So I listened to The Angel of Vine, an old (fictional) mystery podcast written in the form of a true crime podcast. It's about an unsolved murder that took place in old 1950s Hollywood, the private investigator who was trying to get to the bottom of it back then, and the podcaster trying to get to the bottom of that story now.

(Well, I guess five years old... is kind of old for a fiction podcast... Their website says a sequel is planned? But the story seemed extremely self-contained...)

Anyway. I liked it. The production values were high, the voice acting very good, the story solid. I thought the mystery was kind of predictable, honestly, but that's more of a me problem, I guess. It was still fairly atmospheric and I enjoyed the ride. The ending left me with some questions, but a comfortable number, I think.

What felt strangest, though, was that it actually reminded me so much of an old /nosleep story I always enjoyed, Dead Angels. I actually went back and checked and they came out right near each other in 2018. Seems fitting.

That's always been one of the stories that stuck out to me from my time trawling /nosleep, so maybe that was part of what helped me guess where things were going. (And... yes, I'll admit that the editor in me wants to make that story perfect, but I still think the writing is lovely. Just bear with the typos.)

Some further thoughts under a cut, for those who haven't consumed either (or both) of the stories.

I think we kind of have a fascination with art and Hollywood and starlets dying in order to become immortal. It already happens, the way Hollywood, especially old Hollywood, really chewed them up and spit them out. The Marilyn Monroes, the Judy Garlands, the little girls who became women who became just as famous for their pain as their art.

So I guess it makes sense that we also look at these sacrifices the same way that we look at victims of true crime. They're celebrities, too, frozen in time like an actress in a movie, except they were frozen by death. We love a martyr, a beautiful victim, an Ophelia, and I think it's really telling that the most famous unsolved mysteries really do end up being part of Missing White Woman Syndrome, y'know?

Both of the stories I'm talking about now feel inspired by real-life cases like The Black Dahlia, but I think both stories are also interested in... y'know, the eroticized violence of it all, the way people get obsessed with glamor and pain. The way that there sometimes is a violence to the way we consume the women we love and idolize and adore, and whether it's as explicit as a serial killer using dead women as a canvas or as hands-off as Britney being driven to madness, there really is a sense that art is suffering, and certain kinds of suffering make the most beautiful art.

But... I think when people say "art is suffering" they usually mean the artist is suffering. That the art comes from that suffering. But I think both of these stories are really playing with the idea that we turn others' suffering into our art, we get obsessed with it, we consume it, and it becomes an act of love and violence.

I guess... there certainly is an element of the way that we view women in all this... There are questions brought up (especially in The Angel of Vine) about the brutality that's popular in pornography, about consent, about the way some people funnel that into consensual (or nonconsensual) kinds of othered sex acts.

There are questions here about why we seem to love women most when they're beautiful and silent, suffering and just a little bit unknown. Paintings don't talk, y'know...? Neither do dead girls.

I guess it all comes down to consumption and memory and the agony of the sublime, though. I don't know. I'm still kind of sick, so maybe I'm not making any sense.

Personally... I actually hate true crime as a genre and subculture, though I love fictional media about true crime and how it interacts with society. So I did enjoy The Angel of Vine (just like I enjoyed more lighthearted looks at a similar subculture, like American Vandal and Only Murders In The Building) and I thought that, in some ways, it was making commentary about true crime while simultaneously aping it, y'know?

Like it talked about the way a (relatively) innocent man's life was ruined by speculation. It talked about the way the victim's life became secondary to her death and to those that killed her. It talked about the very real lives that can be destroyed in the service of an obsessive search for the truth. It talked about how sometimes, murderers want to be remembered for their crimes. They want this to be how their victims are remembered forever. They want their lives to be overwritten by their deaths, and we become party to that when we consume these stories. It's all about control, it's all about the narrative, it's all about who we allow to have the final word.

I guess... in the end, it makes sense that we're really starting to see a rise in media about actresses being murdered purely to be remembered. The quiet part of Hollywood is being said out loud. We're starting to talk about the abuses of actresses more and more these days, and sometimes in terms that seem... voyeuristic, maybe, rather than supportive. It's something that I noticed and did not particularly like during the whole big #MeToo movement.

I'm not criticizing that movement, to be clear. I think it was incredibly important and there's a reason why there was this sudden outpouring of truth and support and empathy. But I also do think that the scandal itself started to become entertainment for some people, and there became a strange push for every woman to start revealing the details of her eroticized trauma in order to remain part of the conversation. Those details got eaten up, just like the details of the more famous actresses' assaults were.

It's the empathy and consumption and revictimization every time an actresses's "nudes leak." It's the empathy and consumption and revictimization of women whose sexual assaults and/or murders are detailed on true crime podcasts. It's just. It's always down to consumption and memory and whose memories matter.

It's... idk, it's Ophelia, y'know? We love a pretty dead girl, especially if we have just enough information about her to feel like we know her -- without actually feeling the trauma of knowing her, of having a loved one and losing them and having the whole world swallow them whole.

It's all just complicated when we're dealing with women who wanted to be famous, just presumably not like this. And maybe, the cultural desire to punish them for that...? "Celebrities chose this life" and all that shit that paparazzi say. "I just want the victims to be remembered." Media bullshit.

Ah. I've tired myself out again, and I'm rambling. But I do think it's interesting, and I'm gonna be thinking about these topics for a while. Live fast, die pretty, etc. Memories live forever. Manuscripts don't burn. All that stuff.

#when I'm having high-symptom days sometimes I just lie down in a dark room for a while and listen to a podcast lmao #I don't hear THAT well but this used very professional actors and I think that helped #the diction was good so I didn't miss as much as I usually do #so thanks for helping me get through A Rough One lmao #the angel of vine

[justdalek]

Hazbin Hotel Music Ranking

Wooo, ranking time! I'll rank the episodes in a different post lol

Forgive me, I'm gonna use the knowledge that I grabbed from my dropped music minor (aka lots of music nerd talk)

I'm also gonna put out what I think each of these songs were based off of in the context of theater (my opinion, not fact in the slightest)

Happy Day in Hell (7/10)

(Based on all Broadway openers ever)

The "opening number" for the show, and Charlie's "I want" song, I think it's pretty strong. It gives the audience a great way to see the pride ring as well as locations that we are going to see later in the season. The only two things that bring it down for me is the weirdly abrupt time change to a triple meter (from what I can count the song goes from like a 4/4 to what seems like a 6/8) that feels like an unintentional whiplash effect, and the brain lyric seems a bit out of place from the rest of the song. Other than that, solid opener

Hell is Forever (9/10)

(Based on rock musical numbers, such as Fright of Their Lives from Beetlejuice)

I'm not usually a fan of rock style musical numbers, but Alex Brightman's performance knocked this number out of the park. This number also gives a great insight on how not all of Heaven is actually nice, especially in terms of their views on sinners.

Also, when the music drops out and it's just clapping sent chills down my spine, I freakn love when numbers do that

Alex, your Beetlejuice is showing-

Stayed Gone (10/10)

(Based on villain duets and talk singing, such as Master of the House from Les Miserables and Your Fault/Last Midnight from Into The Woods)

My absolute favorite number in the entire first season hands down. Vox and Alastor being petty to the max is my bread and butter. Also, the fact that this number highlights the real world thoughts of radio vs T.V./streaming is so freakn cool (saying this as a mass comm major who deals with both of these lmao).

Alastor's solo at the end is so terrifying, but uuuuugh Amir does such a wonderful job with balancing petty with sheer sadistic evil.

It Starts with Sorry (8/10)

(Based on "apology" numbers, like 'Til Him from The Producers)

This is such a cute number, especially as it's the start of Sir Pentious' redemption arc. I feel like lots of people need to listen to this song.

Respectless (8/10)

(Based on "dueling genres" such as Feed Me/Git It from Little Shop of Horrors)

I love Velvette so much here. The way that she takes control of the situation by carefully observing Carmilla while also being a #bitch was such a clever use of show don't tell. Zestial's little lyric is also smart, and a nice foreshadowing nod to episode 7. Also, I didn't think that Latin-style music mixed with hip-hop/rap would gel so nicely here.

Whatever It Takes (3/10)

(Based on power ballads such as Memory from Cats)

As I alluded to in my deconstruction of transitioning musical numbers post, this is my least favorite musical number by a landslide. I really don't like how loud Zestial's solo is (no shade at James Monroe Iglehart, I think this was the music director's choice and not his own), especially when the context is that this is a private conversation between him, Carmilla, and her daughters. Honestly, the volume becomes a consistant issue when the electric guitar riff comes in and Carmilla becomes super loud. When it's Vaggie's solo, the instrumentation feels so out of place for her as she's singing quietly. When the two come together, Vaggie is completely smothered by how loud Carmilla is singing (doesn't help that Vaggie is singing a high-ish soprano part. Carmilla is belting out the alto part with her chest voice, which is easily overpowering Vaggie belting with her head voice).

I think the kicker to the whole number is that in the context of the show at that point, Vaggie and Carmilla haven't truly met face to face, and we the audience have not known Carmilla long enough to realize that she and Vaggie have a lot in common. I do get that this number is a set up for episode 7 (which we'll get to that in a minute), but we needed just a bit more time to get to know Carmilla on a personal level as well as Vaggie to understand why they both sang this number "together"

I also dislike power ballads, and this one really did not win me over

Poison (10/10)

(Based on pop song "video" numbers, such All You Want to Do from Six)

Man, this song hits deep, especially the ending. This is a really great way of both showing and telling Angel's life before and while at the hotel when he's working for Valentino. The ending hits the hardest with him wanting an out, but he feels like he has no power nor will to leave. It's both a super catching song, and a very deep song when you understand the full context of it.

Loser, Baby (10/10)

(Based on friend number duets and "cheer up" numbers such as You're the Top and Be Like The Bluebird from Anything Goes)

This is my second favorite of the bunch. Husker spitting facts instead of sugar coating Angel's situation is such a true friend thing to do, and like with It Starts with Sorry, more people need to listen to this song. Both Angel and Husk admitting and embracing their faults is so nice to see, especially as they become closer friends after that song.

This song also has so many chromatic intervals that I love so freakn muuuch, Andrew and Sam did so good with writing this one.

Hell's Greatest Dad (9/10)

(Based on "competing" numbers such as Pirelli's Miracle Elixir from Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street)

The return of petty Alastor duet! With Hell's leader no less! This song's lyrics is really clever with showing that Lucifer- while he means well- doesn't actually know how to speak to his daughter, while Alastor is able to manipulate the situation by showing that he was indeed with the hotel since day one and essentially getting Charlie on his side since her dad has done really nothing aside from letting Charlie go to that meeting with Heaven a while back. The second half of the song really hits with the blood family vs found family argument, and it's a very interesting conflict idea for Charlie.

Devil Went Down to Georgia vs Piano Man made me cackle like a maniac.

When Mimzy interupts, I actually hated it when I first watched it. After rewatching the episode, I freakn love her interruption. That woman just saved the hotel from an all out brawl that was fixing to explode.

More Than Anything (8/10)

(Based on family duets like Happy/Sad from The Addams Family)

I'm kinda topsy-turvy about this song. Like the beginning kinda doesn't do it for me, probably because it is a slow start. When Charlie and Lucifer begin their duet, I almost thought for half a second that the writers were gonna pull a "they thought they were thinking the same thing but they actually don't" trope (I was thinking that Lucifer was thinking that Charlie was going to shut down the hotel after talking to him about his failed attempt, while Charlie was thinking that Lucifer was on board with the hotel idea). I'm super glad that they didn't do this trope at all, and the harmony between the father and daughter is just so nice to hear, gave me chills.

Welcome to Heaven (7/10)

(Based on "cheery" openers, such as Hello from The Book of Mormon)

The companion to Happy Day in Hell, this is more pop/contemporary style than Broadway, which is a nice genre to go against it (you could argue that it's new-age music vs old theater music). The way the music guides us along to how "great" Heaven is compared to Happy Day in Hell's was of showing how Hell can improve was such a nice subtle comparison. It's a cute intro song for Heaven.

You Didn't Know (9/10)

(Based on "realization" numbers like Defying Gravity from Wicked)

Ah, the revelation song. I do love the reprise of Hell is Forever, especially the change in lyrics to reflect what Heaven and Hell really is: shades of grey. I do wish that Emily's realization of the extermination was explored longer, even before the song (like Emily was becoming suspicious of Sera's actions).

Adam and Lute revealing Vaggie to Charlie had such a nice horror chord to it, I just don't like the still they used for Charlie (it looked rather silly to me)

Out for Love (8/10)

(Based on "motivation" numbers such as The More You Ruv Someone from Avenue Q)

The better version of Whatever It Takes, very catchy and has a nice message. Buuuut what still drags it down is that Carmilla and Vaggie's relationship was never built up (especially with Carmilla insinuating that she has met Vaggie before and realized that she's a fallen angel long before Charlie did).

The dropbeat did save this one tho.

Ready for This (10/10)

(Based off of "rally" numbers, such as Sister Suffragette from Mary Poppins)

I love a good rally song, especially since this song was hyped up before the episode was dropped. Charlie's worry that she'll fail her people is nicely sutible, but is prominent throughout the song, even with her brave face.

The musical references to older Broadway shows (mainly Rogers and Hammerstein, the Sherman brothers, Cole Porter, etc) gave my brain a nice scratch that I didn't know I needed.

Alastor and Rosie's duet is by far my favorite part of the song, especially because it's in a minor key to remind us that Alastor still has a sinister motive behind his decisions, with Rosie on board with it.

More Than Anything Reprise (8/10)

(Based on quiet "reprise" numbers, such as Proud of Your Boy Reprise from Aladdin)

Oh thank god, a quiet ballad at last. Ngl, all the ballads up to this point have been rather loud, so it's nice to have a quiet ballad that is also is shared between Charlie and Vaggie. Those harmonies got me to almost cry on the first viewing as Vaggie is reassuring Charlie that everything will be fine, even in the face of angelic death.

Finale (9/10)

(Based on all Broadway finale numbers ever)

Man, what a true Broadway closure. Charlie mourning Sir Pentious' death, Lucifer and the gang comforting her and raising her up by helping her rebuild the hotel, the Vee's trio, Alastor's solo, and the reprise of Happy Day in Hell melds so well.

Alastor's solo especially is so chilling compared to the rest of the upbeat song foreshadowing possibly his fate for later on? But it still doesn't deter the song in the slightest. The melody and the culmination of Happy Day in Hell is a wonderful send off to the first season!

All in all, almost all these song are full blown bangers! I can't wait for season 2's album to see what they do next!

#d chats #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin hotel season 1 #there's a better example for hell's greatest dad #i just cant think of it atm for some weird ass reason #anyway i love hazbin's album for the season

[astonishinglegends]

Ep 269: The Hitchhiker of Mogollon Rim

"The trickster is found worldwide. Superficially, his tales seem little more than entertaining stories for children, but they encode important truths. The trickster is central to many religious beliefs, and some of the tales are sacred. In fact, a number of cultures permit only a few persons to tell the stories and restrict when they can be told because they have a power of their own."  -- "The Trickster and the Paranormal," by George P. Hansen

Description:

The Mogollon Rim in northcentral Arizona is a geological landform that spans around 200 miles east to west, demarking the southern boundary of the Colorado Plateau in the state. This topographical feature is classified as an escarpment where wide and steeply sloping cliffs and rock masses delineate the high pine-covered plateau on the northern side, which receives cold winter temperatures and light snow from the desert-like conditions below to the south. This transitional nature provides a habitat for significantly varying types of plants and animals. Perhaps because of Mogollon Rim’s liminal nature, this variance is claimed by many to also extend to creatures and phenomena that dwell beyond our understanding. Accounts and legends of UFOs, supernatural occurrences, and even its own brand of a hominin-like beast known as the “Mogollon Monster” are familiar to the territory. The supernatural element became all too real for our guest, Jay, who endured a terrifying encounter while working as a wildlife biologist for the Arizona Game and Fish Department. While studying black bears in the rugged canyons and terrain of the Rim, Jay encountered an impossible stranger in a pretty unlikely place, one that insisted on getting a ride. But who or what was this thing, and what was their intention? An ancient spirit known to the Native American cultures of the region or a physical being with mystical powers masquerading as a weird human? While it is never advisable to pick up strangers, it seems that one may be compelled to give a ride to a hitchhiker on Mogollon Rim, maybe as just a playful reminder that humans are not the apex of the paranormal food chain.

Reference Links:

CLICK HERE to listen to “Astonishing Al’s Mix Tape” on Spotify

CLICK HERE to listen to “Astonishing Legends Creepit” – a curated collection of our creepiest episodes on Spotify!

Mogollon Rim on Wikipedia

Mogollon culture on Wikipedia

Navajo

Escarpment

Madrean Sky Islands

Sky island

“Mogollon Monster 100” trail race

Mogollon Monster

The Mogollon Monster from Weird U.S.

“Bigfoot sightings abound in early Rim Country history” from the Payson Roundup, Tuesday, March 1, 2016

“Arizonan Legends” from the Horizon Sun, April 1, 2017

“Rim Country Places” from the Rim Review, January 22, 2014

“Ask Clay: Gather round for tales of the Mogollon Monster” from azcentral.com

“Searching for the Mogollon Monster” from Williams - Grand Canyon News

“Story, video: Apaches go public with Bigfoot sightings: 'It cannot be ignored any longer'“ from Tucson.com

“40 years later: Most documented UFO sighting, abduction still draw interest” from the White Mountain Independent

The Mogollon Monster YouTube channel

“The Legend Of The Mogollon Monster In Arizona May Send Chills Down Your Spine” from Only in Your State

Arizona Game & Fish Department

Location:

Mogollon Rim, Arizona

Suggested Listening:

Badlands

Badlands is an anthology series that blends history and true crime to tell the transgressive stories of some of the biggest names in Hollywood. This is not the Hollywood history you’ve heard before. These are uncensored, immersive, edge-of-your-seat storytelling. Host Jake Brennan, creator and host of the award-winning music and true crime podcast DISGRACELAND, explores the most insane stories surrounding the world’s most interesting Hollywood icons. Badlands has covered many actors, directors, and more, including the mysterious deaths of Marilyn Monroe and Natalie Wood... Tim Allen’s former career as a low-level drug dealer... the curse of the movie Poltergeist... how porn star John Holmes got caught up in the infamous Wonderland murders... and more episodes on Winona Ryder, Johnny Depp, River Phoenix, Gianni Versace, Robin Williams, Heath Ledger, Sharon Tate, Robert Downey Jr., and so many more. New episodes of Badlands are released every Wednesday, with bonus episodes released every Friday. Subscribe to Badlands on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, the iHeartRadio app, AmazonMusic, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Opening the Doors

Hear Forrest as a guest on our good friend Bradley Netherton’s podcast, Opening the Doors, all about the legendary band with Jim Morrison! This episode covers all the mentions of The Doors on The Simpsons animated series.

KLU Podcast – Keep Looking up

CLICK HERE for Persephone Holloway’s podcast, KLU “Keep Looking Up” on Podbean

Persephone May Holloway’s music on Spotify

Southern gothic podcast

Listen to our good friend Brandon Schexnayder’s Southern Gothic podcast, featuring Forrest narrating Edgar Allen Poe’s poem, Annabelle Lee

Find us on YouTube!

Click this text to find all Astonishing Legends episodes and more on our Youtube Channel https://www.youtube.com/c/Astonishinglegends

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CREDITS:

Episode 269: The Hitchhiker of Mogollon Rim. Produced by Scott Philbrook & Forrest Burgess; Audio Editing by Sarah Vorhees Wendel of VW Sound. Music and Sound Design by Allen Carrescia. Tess Pfeifle, Producer and Lead Researcher. Ed Voccola, Technical Producer. Research Support from The Astonishing Research Corps, or "A.R.C." for short. Copyright 2023 Astonishing Legends Productions, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

#2023 #267 #nightmare #Legend #Tim Curry #Palm Reading #Palmistry #demon #devil #lucid dream #Baltimore #Ring Around the Rosie #Persephone #vision #Philadelphia #Washington Crossing #New Jersey #Stone Tape Theory #Revolutionary War #Civil War #UFO #UAP #abduction #Missing Time #alien #Nordic #Fae #Faeries #Mount de Sales Academy #268

[creacherkeeper]

lost township characters! <3

to give folks a little more idea what were talking about when we say insane things on here <3

lost township is a 5e homegame taking place in a 1880s wild west equivalent dnd world, mostly in the small town of lost in the state of undersun

pcs:

cass bluebell - she/her. human drunken master monk. local extremely repressed middle aged lesbian who inherited the local saloon from her late mother who she had a Totally Healthy relationship with. spent years investigating her mother's murder at the hands of the brownbird. has an adopted 6 year old son named davey. played by @strangetorpedos

divine intervention shook - she/her. aasimar eloquence bard. former southern belle, current poor schoolteacher. has been described as a cat so confident she can scare off bears. likes sticking her nose where it doesnt belong (affectionate) and bestiefying middle aged people. played by @beatricexbenedick

flint monroe - he/him. fire genasi divination wizard. main personality trait is that he is 12 and we love that for him. orphan being cared for by the shook family. has a giant crush on maeve and a (somewhat joking) rivalry with will. too smart for his own good and has a pet robot mouse named sparky. played by @agentcalliope

maeve marigold - she/her. ??? swashbuckler rogue / hexblade warlock. former sex worker, current psychopomp in training of the raven queen. accepted the role of psychopomp and then afterwards asked what that word meant as she is illiterate and still learning a lot from divine. says literally the most buckwild shit at all times. played by kaity

morel - they/them. firbolg spores druid / knowledge cleric. the biggest awkwardest sad cow that did ever. lives in a hut in the woods and offers healing for the most rejected of society. a chosen prophet of the god of decay. in a former emotional affair with cat clyde, kidnapping victim, now just bein real gay w her on main <3 played by @floralprintshark

will orville - he/him. human werewolf gunslinger fighter. half badass cowboy, half sad tired middle aged man who desperately needs a drink (preferably water sorry will). was traveling around being sad and doing vigilante justice, has been bestiefied and adopted and is ALSO now gaying it up on main. has a late husband named levi and a horse named romulus. played by @weightedlive

npcs:

cat clyde - she/her. orc. formerly the wife of bobby clyde, murder victim of the brownbird. actually hired the brownbird to kill her husband cause fuck that guy. currently bein real cute with morel. shy, nervous, loving, and attentive. mother of morgan eve "kitten" clyde, excitable 7 year old half-orc

lizzie no - she/her. human/coyote shifter crown paladin. the sheriff in town, afflicted heavily by messy bitch disease. unfortunately very in love with divine which finally got discovered after her hiding it for like 7 years. seemed like an uncaring/incompetent sheriff for not solving murders, secretly sleeping with the white hat assassin doing them

brandi carlile "the brownbird" - she/he. aasimar vengeance paladin / wild card rogue / arcane archer fighter. the white hat assassin in question. slutty lesbian who will flirt with anything that moves (including will, known gay man). aasimar of the evil god of chaos, death, and alcohol. just looking for a good time. in love with lizzie </3 the party did fight her and they nearly all killed each other but she has been Bestiefied. can summon ghosts, as a treat

sarah shook - she/they. human. wife of divine, adhd as all fuck, life of the party, loves being a stay at home wife and doing gardening and cooking and playing her guitar. assumed that divine knew she was poly and gave lizzie her blessing and also a shovel talk and then afterwards had to explain to divine what poly meant

"hawk" shook - he/him. human artificer. brother of sarah and brother-in-law of divine. an absolute mess but trying his best. has had unfortunately messy hook ups with most of the men in town. cant hold down a job but just started working for cass at the saloon. almost got arrested by lizzie for selling snake oil. doesnt know he's an artificer

latrowe - he/him. coyote psychopomp. formerly Just A Coyote, granted humanoid form and intelligence in a godly lovers exchange in order to be the psychopomp of the raven queen. currently training maeve. very formal and polite unless he's scampering up walls or eating out of your garden. flint accidentally got him bound to the mortal plane by giving him a nat 1 on a spell save with a portent roll. mostly just wants to be a coyote again. forgets that its impolite to read peoples minds

waylon jennings - he/him. current zombie, former ???. rich old gay dandy. kind of a major bitch. the benefactor who funds most of the town. adoptive father of lizzie, scruggs, and kelsey. tried to convince will to murder brandi for Reasons <3

earl scruggs - he/him. orc ?? barbarian. waylon's bodyguard and adopted son. big buff bear with a lot of tattoos. managed to romance will and short circuit leo's brain for two full minutes <33 immigrant from vilayav, so speaks in a thick russian accent. no thats not his real name <3

kelsey wilson - they/them. ?????. waylon's assistant and adopted child who has been with him since they were very young. doesn't talk to people outside the family much

major gods:

ama & ata - she/her and he/him. bear mother and bison father. gods of fire and food respectively, and families, caregivers, and the home. divine and sarah are followers

kathairein - they/them. vulture god of decay, disease, fungi, and scavengers. partners with the raven queen. morel is one of their chosen prophets

the raven queen - she/her. raven god of the transition of life and death, knowledge, divination, and the moon. in charge of the realm of the dead. latrowe and maeve are her psychopomps

sidewinder - he/him. rattlesnake god of protection, safety, medicine, and the sun. will's late husband levi was a follower, and lizzie is one of his paladins

the jack - no pronouns. jackalope god of death, wiles, trickery, survival, and alcohol. the only god in the pantheon to have an alignment (chaotic evil). brandi is an aasimar of the jack

#lost township #its blorbo time babeyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #bea did one of these for lensa and i wanted to do one for lost <3 #and yes all the npcs are named after musical artists look i thought it was going to be a short shot so it was much more sustainable then #im having fun w it tho