#and i'm barely half-way through my great giffing plan | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

murderousginger · 3 years

Text

Starlet

Angel on Fire Chapter 3

John Shelby x reader

Word count: 2,308

Warnings: They're criminals guys, they do bad things.

(gif by @bonniebirddoesgifs)

John woke you up Saturday morning knocking at your door. You cracked open the door confused, looking a mess with your hair in every direction.

"I thought you said afternoon," you yawned as you leaned your temple on the doorframe. "It's ten in the morning."

"Late night out?" John laughed. "I've got biscuits if you've got tea."

"Come 'round then," you said as you opened the door to let him in before you closed the door and pointed him to the kitchen. "I need to change if you're sticking around. I'll get the kettle going in a moment."

"I'll start it," John said as his eyes flickered across your night slip. "Although I wouldn't mind you staying as is."

You rolled your eyes and turned your back to him as you walked toward your bedroom. A few steps down the hallway, you stretched your arms high, feeling the soft fabric raise up your thighs. You heard a soft groan behind you and looked over your shoulder to see John's eyes glued to your legs and ass while he bit his lip.

"John," you smiled. "Stop staring at my ass, John boy."

"Then stop teasing me, woman," he answered without looking up. "Are you sure you have to change? Maybe we could just stay here for the day instead. My plans aren't near as interesting as what's under that slip."

You reached your bedroom door and smiled at him at the end of the hallway before closing the door without an answer. You changed quickly into a simple but nice cotton dress, unsure of where John was wanting to take you, especially after he arrived so early. You tried to tame your hair as much as possible and look presentable.

When you went back into the kitchen, John had already found the cups and poured you both tea as well as had biscuits out waiting. He sat at your table and read the paper that he brought in from your step.

"You look comfortable," you said playfully as you sat down and took a biscuit.

John looked up from the paper and set it down, smiling as he looked you over.

"You clean up fast," he said. "Almost no time and you're a starlet again."

"I'm no Clara Bow," you laughed. "I did get the Blinders a good bit of money last night, though. I'm sure the boys were excited to report their earnings."

"I'm sure they were," John said as he leaned forward. "But how was your night? Did you enjoy it or were you just going through the motions?"

You sipped your tea, unsure how to answer. You hadn't been asked what you felt in a long time. Have you ever?

"I honestly don't know what I enjoy anymore," you shrugged. "I've been doing this so long."

"We should fix that," John said with a sad smile.

The rest of breakfast was smiles and small talk. It felt right to have John in your home sharing breakfast. Easy.

After you both had your fill, you got into his car and were on your way to your destination, wherever that was. You noticed quickly that John was heading out of town into the countryside. The sky was clear and promised a nice day. The ride was quiet, but comfortable. You couldn't help but gasp as John turned into a drive for a giant countryside house.

"Welcome to Arrow House," he chuckled as your mouth gaped. "Tommy said we had run off the land this morning. I thought it could be fun to wander the woods. Maybe teach you to shoot. Have a picnic midday?"

Your eyes couldn't leave the expanse of house in front of you, but you heard his door open and moments later he opened your door and took your hand.

"I know," he said as he lifted your hand and kissed it before he intertwined his fingers with yours. "I'll get you a tour. But let's go wander the woods first, love."

---

Tommy's estate was massive. Soon you couldn't even see the house from where you walked hand in hand with John.

You talked and laughed, making fun of each other when you slipped and soon chasing each other through the woods like children.

"I'll catch you," John rumbled behind you.

You were both in a dead run dodging trees and rocks. You looked behind you and laughed as you reached a clearing and John scooped you up, spinning you both before he slipped and fell to the ground with you on his lap.

You both laughed, your face hiding in the crook of his neck as you tried to catch your breath. You grew embarrassed as his arms wrapped around you tighter and you felt a surge go through you.

"As much as I'm enjoying you this close," John said in your ear, making you shudder. "You'll have to look up some time."

You slowly pulled away from his neck to meet his eyes. They sparkled with amusement as he nodded his head to look behind you, helping you shuffle yourself around so you could see the blanket and basket that was ahead in the clearing another 30 feet.

"Bite to eat?" He asked as his nose grazed your ear. "I could always just…"

His voice trailed as he made a soft growling noise in your ear before he softly nipped it, earning a squeal as you jerked to hide your neck. You twisted in his lap again to glare at him half-heartedly. He chuckled.

"Alright then," he chuckled. "Let's go eat."

You got up, helping John up as well, and walked to the blanket and basket. John sat down and started to unload the food, letting you pick what you wanted first. You picked up a strawberry, taking a bite before deciding to tell him.

"You got the office hens clucking," you chastised playfully, pulling at the grass under your fingers at the edge of the blanket.

"I have absolutely no idea what you are on about," John chuckled, trying to look innocent as a smile creeped upon his face.

"I'm quite sure you do," you said, watching him closely. "Walking in wearing a man's coat was the highlight of their gossip week. And the fact it was so much bigger than say Finn or Isaiah," you drawled as he broke into a triumphant smile. "They nearly lost their minds trying to figure out who I was a trollop for the night before."

"Hmm," John said, failing to suppress his satisfaction. "So what will you tell them?"

"I think," you said as you leaned closer to him conspiratorially until your strawberry stained lips barely ghosted his. "I'll tell them that a nice gangster gave me his coat and took me home when I was stranded."

You looked up from his lips to his now cloudy blue eyes that were losing focus rapidly. You noticed him twitch in his skin, but he stayed still.

"I think you're playing the long game and trying to seduce me, John Shelby," you sigh, licking your lips and grazing your tongue against his in the process. "My only thought is, why do you want to seduce your little brother's bait girl?"

"I think at the moment, the bait girl is seducing me," John whispered, his voice gravelly with lust. "If I didn't know better I would say you were testing me."

"I'm not the only one with a reputation," you whispered as you trailed a hand up the buttons of his shirt. "And this isn't your normal dealings with women. Being a gentleman? Making a picnic? Unheard of for the great Shelby loverboy."

"It's not," John gulped as he cocked his eyebrow. "Would you rather I fuck you senseless and move on to the next?"

Your breath caught in your throat, and John's eyes brightened at the reaction.

"Or would you rather let me take my time, slow like?" He asked as he leaned his body into you. You nodded as his hand moved teasingly from your leg to your hip. "You have so many curves I could explore, memorize, please."

John gripped your hip, invoking a gasp from you that he mirrored as his eyes sparkled. His lips brushed yours as his tongue teased you to open your mouth. You lost yourself and closed your eyes as your mouth slacked to allow him entry.

"I could put the mask on and be that," John said as your eyes snapped open and you realized he had pulled away. "I could be the Shelby lover of that reputation and leave after one calling. But you're not the only one tired of wearing the mask."

"So what is your game, then?" You ask, biting your lip. "What do you see in me?"

John's eyes softened but he never broke eye contact.

"A kindred spirit," he said softly.

----

After the picnic, John took your hand and led you over a hill to a stone wall with a rifle leaned against it.

"First a picnic miraculously placed in a clearing," you joke as you nudge him. "And now a gun leaned against a wall without an owner. My, aren't we lucky today."

John's ears turned pink.

"I might have asked Tommy's head maid, Mary, to enlist a stable boy for help."

He picked up the rifle, looking through the sights into the distance before handing it to you. He pulled a few bottles from behind the wall and set them up on the top.

"Now go about," he said as he led you farther away from the bottles, "here. And hold it like" he said as he moved behind you and guided you to hold the gun a specific way, "this. Now, close one eye and look through the little cross to aim. Take a deep breath and exhale when you are ready to shoot. Squeeze the trigger as you exhale, and be ready for the kick. Shotguns can bruise if you don't keep it in the crook of your arm."

You listened and felt John take a step back as you aimed at the first bottle and did what he had told you. When you exhaled, you squeezed the trigger until the rifle exploded in your hands and hit your shoulder hard. The air felt knocked out of you as the bottle exploded in front of you and John yipped excitedly.

"You got it!" He exclaimed. "Now do it again."

You quickly reloaded and took out the other bottles, looking back to see John's mouth agape.

"Dad taught me how to shoot when I was 8," you smiled.

"Then why did you let me take you out here to teach you?" John said incredulously.

"You seemed so excited," you shrugged. "It was cute."

John wiped his mouth.

"Cigars and shooting," he muttered. "Polly aughta love you."

---

"Let's get you that tour," John said, spinning you in circles in front of him.

It was almost evening now and you both had wandered, shot, and talked to your heart's content. John was easy to be around.

He took you into the house and wandered it's halls, giving you fake histories of all of the rooms. In one of the spare rooms, the queen of england had begged Tommy for help with her unruly child. In another, the Blinders had made a truce with a warring family then cut off their heads. In yet another, Arthur had lost his virginity just last month.

You turned to John and kissed him, making him freeze mid-story as you hugged him.

"Thank you for today," you said as you kissed him again and tucked your head into his shoulder. "It's been such a good day."

"It doesn't have to end," he smiled his lazy smile. "I want to make every day a good day."

After that, you both snuck kisses in conversations, in rooms, in John's fake history lessons. You had kissed in nearly every nook and cranny by the time he had led you downstairs.

As you reached the entryway, a car full of boys pulled into the drive and John scowled.

"Stay right here," John said as he let go of your hand. "I'll see what they want."

You waited in the entrance, awkward and looking around at the decor. The sun was beginning to fade on the horizon.

"Decided you were done with the boys and wanted to try a general, eh?"

The voice appeared from a hall you hadn't noticed tucked away. Tommy's eyes flashed between amused and annoyed at your presence.

"Excuse me?"

"Girls aren't made for war," Tommy said suddenly, as if just realizing it. He looked out toward John talking to the car outside. "You're brilliant at mind games and tolerant of blood, but in the end it's the mess that bothers your sensibilities."

Tommy squinted at you, his cold eyes watching every twitch, every breath. He breathed in sharply.

"Just don't distract him from the war, yeah?" He sniffed as he patted your arm. "Women have an uncanny ability of changing a man's goals. Of causing blinding epiphanies that lead to ruin. So don't, yeah?"

"Yeah," you whispered.

Tommy left you, going outside to deal with his visitors.

---

When John returned, he wrapped his arm around your waist.

"Tommy stopped to talk to you," John said with a frown. "What did he say?"

"He called you a general."

"S'pose I am," John said as he wrapped you closer to him and kissed the top of your head. "What else?"

"Nothing important," you said as you placed your hand on his chest and summed up a smile before you kissed him. John accepted your kiss with a frown.

"Doesn't sound like Tommy," he said. "He never talks unless he thinks it's important."

"He was just being polite, is all."

"That doesn't sound like Tommy, either," John chuffed, looking worriedly outside.

#peaky blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #john shelby #storytime with murderousginger #john shelby x reader

222 notes · View notes

hcrringtonshair · 3 years

Text

All Mine

Modern!Ivar x Reader

Warnings: some cursing, fluffy Ivar and jealous and lil bit needy Ivar ... but that's it :) Word Count: 1735

A/n: I suck at giving my writings names. So here's another shitty one haha. There will maybe be a second part bc of the open end, but we'll see 🙃(Maybe the gif doesn't really fit but do I have to mention that his smiling is just adorable ?)

Masterlist

You barely remembered the last time when you had Ivar all for your own. It was kinda like the first time in an eternity.

He was so busy with his history study at the university of Copenhagen, and then he threw himself into work on his personal interests.

He also spent a lot of time with his three brothers, at least one of them was always there when you two met, besides that he still lived with his mother. You liked Aslaug, even that she was a really over caring and protective mother because he was her youngest son and because of his legs.

So you were really looking forward to that day. He promised it would be a whole day only for you and him, and he would never break a promise. He picked you up early in the morning and spent the day with you outside.

Long walks weren't his favorite, but he knew how much you loved being for hours in the green, enjoying the bright colors of the trees in the sun. The fall was beautiful and the day goes on so fast that it was already dark as you two returned to your apartment.

"What do you want to do next?" His cheeks were still light pink from the cold outside and his blue eyes were shining bright which made a beautiful contrast to his dark hair.

"I don't know. We could order pizza and watch a movie. You choose." You shrugged and handed him some of his clothes which were still in your closet. "Pizza sounds great."

Before you could pick up your phone from the bed he wraps his arms around you and laughed as you screamed while he threw you besides him on the bed. "You idiot! I could have fallen."

"I would never let this happen." His wide smile showed his white teeth, and you couldn't resist and smiled back as he lays back to watch you.

"You okay? I don't want you to be in pain." It was a long day, and now you felt guilty for being the reason why his legs hurt. Looking at his legs in concern, but he shakes his head. "It's bearable. Don't worry." Not satisfied with his answer and still worried you take your phone and you both choose a pizza. Right after you ordered it the discussion of which film you should watch began.

"Let's make a compromise and watch the first Harry Potter movie and then Thor" Your whole body was shaking from your laughter because Ivar was tickling you for too long. He was also laughing and out of breath as he laid back into the pillows.

"No no no, I want to watch all Thor movies" It wondered you again how he admired the Thor Movies, but to be honest, after all it wasn't a huge surprise.

"But why? You know I will sleep after the first half of the second movie." You pouted which made him laugh again. "That's the plan" he gives you a wink before bursting out in laughter again.

"That's mean Ivar. I thought we spent the whole day together. Which means at least until midnight." Your remaining pouting face leaned over him.

"Don't." He tipped against your lips, and you turned back to a not so serious face, "We watch the first Harry Potter movie and there's no way to change my mind. After this movie you can watch as many Thor movies as you want."

"Fine."

You stared at each other until your eyes wandered down to his full pink lips and of course he noticed. With a grin his head shots forward and pressed his lips on yours into a passionate slow kiss. His fingers gripping your neck to pull you closer, your legs moved by themselves until you sat on his lap.

You were only breaking the kiss as you both running out of air. His cheeks were bright red and his eyes shining happily when you opened your eyes. Sure you had kissed each other today, but not like that. It was like both of you had waited for that moment.

The heated atmosphere in the room went cold when the bell on the door rang before you could kiss him again. You groan into his shoulder before you stand up. "Must be the Pizza."

But unfortunately it wasn't the delivery guy. Your neighbor standing in front of you, with a big grin on his face as you opened the door. "Hey y/n. Interested in going out to the new bar down the street?" You could hear, most likely, a plate bursting on the kitchen floor and steps in your direction.

"Jakob, thank you, but I told you I have a boyfriend, and I'm not interested." With a friendly smile and calm voice you hoped he would go directly but Ivar was there before Jakob could take one step.

"Hi I'm Ivar. her Boyfriend. Unfortunately we are occupied tonight, so see ya!" Under his exaggerated friendly voice you could hear jealousy. Before Jakob could say anything else, the door was shut in front of his face and Ivar stared at you.

"Is this the one you told me about?" "Yeah. Now probably he will think you are a madman." You roll your eyes with laughter and return to the living room. " I am." Ivar walked behind you, he was so near you felt his body against your back. "When it comes to you."

"I'm sure he will never talk to me again." With a grin you turned around to face Ivar, still with a dark look in his eyes. "I hope so. You are mine."

After you persuaded him to sit on the couch and let you bring the dishes to the table in front of the couch, you looked at him as he watched at the TV.

"Y/n"

You froze as he caught you staring. He had made himself comfortable all over the couch, his chest rises and falls calmly, one hand in his hair which falls loosely on his shoulders.

"Ivar."

Concentrated on sounding calm you walk to the couch, stop when you're at the level of his head. "Like what you see?" With a big grin he touches your leg, his hands wandering up and down before he pulls you forward. With a happy sigh you sit on his lap again, careful to not hurt him.

"I thought about going to this Jakob tomorrow and give him a message he won't forget." The grin turned into a devilish one and his eyes were burning in anticipation of what he had planned.

"Ivar no." Whatever he had planned the poor Jakob wouldn't ever be the same person, and you didn't want to be responsible for that. "Why not? He's nothing but a neighbor. I'm just making sure he will never bother you again." You melted by his good intentions but shook your head.

"Fine. Then I'll show him otherwise that he has to keep his hands off of you." Before you could make a move he already took you down into a heated kiss. His lips moving perfectly with yours, parted your lips with his tongue and swirled around synchronized with yours. Muffled moans of yours echoed through the room and the air heating up again.

"You are all mine." He bites your under lip which causes you to moan louder. With one hand he held you in position, the other buried in your hair. "Ivar..." Under your breath you tried to stop him from kissing your neck because it was again the doorbell which catches your attention. For the second time this evening the bubble around you burst, and it took another few seconds for Ivar to let you go.

"God damn it! If it's that Jakob again I will rip him into a thousand pieces!!!" The Pizza deliverer heard Ivar's furious shouts and his eyes went big. "Everything's fine. No murders tonight." You giggled by the uncertain look on the face of the kid who must be not older than 18. You gave him the money and a tip before you wished a good evening and returned to your boyfriend.

You started eating by watching Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone which Ivar commented with yawning and malicious snorting from time to time. When the movie was over you cleaned up the table before you would start with the Thor movie.

"Finally it's over. I thought I would fall asleep before he even came to Hogwarts." You rolled your eyes as you made yourself comfortable between his legs again when the intro started. "Shut it Ivar, I want to watch the movie." One kiss on his shoulder, and then you concentrated on the movie.

After a while you stood up and earned a confused view from Ivar. "I want to braid your hair." Your high voice and pouting face let him sigh. "Fine." You switched positions so that he was sitting in front of you and while the movie continues you were busy with his hair.

"Are you done?" You thought Ivar had fallen asleep, he didn't say a word since you started braiding his hair, so you flinched as he raised his voice. "I am. Looking good." A bit proud of yourself you let go of his hair and kissed the top of his head.

"Are you tired?" His voice was calm when he brushed his fingers from your knee up and down. From the side seeing him biting his lip, eyes still focused on the screen. "Not that much. But if you want to go to bed I'm fine with that." "The day is not over yet. So we stay awake."

Ivar decided to watch some TV shows after the movie was over, while you've been falling asleep from time to time. Calmed down by the random voices of the TV and dimmed light, your nails massaging the scalp of his head when your eyelids become heavy. Ivar noticed after a while that your finger movements stopped, "Let's go to bed. It's late."

Half asleep you nodded, watching him turn off the TV and go back to his feet. A few steps away from the bedroom the doorbell rings again which made you flinch and Ivar growl. "Who's this? It's 3 am in the morning." With his most unfriendly look Ivar went to the door followed by you.

✧ • ✭ • ✩ • ✦

Ivar the Boneless Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius

#ivar the boneless edit #ivar edit #ivar the boneless x you #ivar the boneless x reader #ivar the boneless imagine #ivar lothbrok x reader #ivar lothbrok #ivar ragnarsson x you #Ivar ragnarsson #ivar ragnarsson edit #vikings #vikings writer #history vikings

83 notes · View notes

professorsnape394 · 3 years

Text

The Potions Master’s Apprentice

Chapter Nine: Letters, Lovers and Loyalties

A/N: This is the ninth part to my fanfiction ‘The Potions Master’s Apprentice (Severus Snape x OC)’. Chapters 1-16 can be found already uploaded on Wattpad under the same name. Feel free to leave requests in my inbox for anything Snape related you want me to write. Leave a comment below if you wish to be added to my tag list.

Pairing: Severus Snape x OC (Dumbledore’s Granddaughter)

Summary: A talented young witch is employed as an apprentice professor at Hogwarts, but who will she be working under? Severus Snape is not best pleased with his new responsibility of taking on an apprentice, however she is relentless to create a friendship between them. Will she be successful? Or might the friendship just go a little two far? With the eyes of her grandfather constantly watching over them, an attempt at a relationship might not be in the cards for Aria Dumbledore and Severus Snape.

Word Count: 2185

Warnings: n/a

Credits to Gif Creator

Yet another letter dropped into the lap of Aria Dumbledore as she sat absentmindedly sketching. Dropping her quill back into the small pot of ink which balanced on the arm of her chair, a small sigh escaped her lips. She had been expecting another to arrive any day now.

Aria allowed herself a small glance in the direction of her desk where the ever growing pile of unopened letter sat gathering dust. Disregarding her drawing, Aria traveled to her desk, fingers fumbling with the edge of the envelope. Admittedly, Aria's mind had been focused on that small pile of letters the past few days, and consequently the man who sent them. She couldn't bring herself to reply to his constant inquiries, but she had considered there was no harm in opening a few of them. She longed to hear from him, though she had been in denial for so long now she wasn't sure what to expect from his most recent letters.

Waiting no longer she ripped the paper from its wax seal, her eyes quickly scanning every word on the page.

My dear Aria, Though I know you say you cannot reply to my letters, I write them all with the hope that you will find the time in your busy schedule to at least read them. As always things are quiet here without you. Too quiet. I miss your voice. I miss hearing you sing to yourself in the shower thinking no one can hear you, I miss hearing you hum as you wander aimlessly through the house, I miss watching you draw as I pose for you, but most importantly I miss holding you in my arms. I long for the end of the school year when we will be reunited and I will have nothing to miss except maybe writing these letters. I long for a response to my letters, my darling. I simply must know that you miss me as I miss you. In the mean time I will continue to write to you to keep myself distracted from everything terrible happening in the world, by simply thinking of you. All my love, S.

Aria couldn't help but feel a great pang of guilt in the pit of her stomach for ignoring the letters, but she couldn't bare the thought of reading them, while she was still coming to terms with how she felt when she decided to leave for Hogwarts. She knew immediately she would not be able to maintain a long distance relationship with him. Though he was the first man she had ever loved she had been too cowardly to confess her feelings for him in person, let alone on a piece of parchment. She knew she was a pathetic coward from the moment he told her he loved her and she could not find it in her to return the favour. Her cowardice was more than proven the day she left for Hogwarts. Aria had planned to break up with him, to avoid further heartbreak down the line. But she could not even find the courage to do that.

Instead she was living in denial. In her mind they had broken up, and refused to face up to whatever she was truly feeling until it was absolutely necessary. Her plan had been to distract herself as much as possible, suppress her feelings and just forget about the situation completely. And to be totally honest her plan had been working for her, with the exception of a few off days such as today. However when it came time to wake up and face the music she had no idea what her plan would be then.

Leaving the letter open on her desk she took a stroll around the grounds of Hogwarts to clear her mind. The time to figure out all of her problems was not now. She was still a young, carefree woman and she didn't want the burden of guilt stopping her from living her life however she so wished.

Arias walk led her to the village of Hogsmeade, and after working up a light sweat, the young professor opted to pop into the Three Broomsticks to quench her thirst.

Unsurprisingly for a late Tuesday evening the place was barren. Besides for a drunken wizard practically falling off his bar stood, a crazy witch whispering to herself and two well dressed men, sitting out of place in a side booth, the place was completely deserted. Planning to only stay for a pumpkin juice Aria took a seat at the bar and begun chatting to the same barmaid who had served her and Severus all those weeks ago.

"Busy night?" Aria joked, rolling her eyes at the drunk to her right.

The woman laughed in return, handing over a glass of pumpkin juice. "This is pretty much the standard, at this time." She shrugged, polishing off a perfectly clean glass, to keep herself busy. "That one over there doesn't even order anything, but its not worth the hassle kicking her out." She gestured to the old hag in the corner, her perfectly polished nails glistening in the dim bar light.

"I wish I could say I felt sorry for you, but a break away from the chaos that is Hogwarts is a slight relief." Aria sighed. She was still not used to being around so many people all the time having spent the past few years alone, besides her mother, she often needed time alone to breathe.

"Oh, then you must be new. I've had my fair share of lonely professors spend an evening behind my bar, and I usually remember who's spilled their whole life story to me. Though you do look familiar, what do you teach?" She finished up with her glasses, leaning her elbows on the bar to get a closer look at the younger woman, her breasts practically falling out her blouse.

"I'm just an apprentice for now. I'm the new Potions Mistress." Aria smiled, taking a small sip of her drink.

"Oh yes, now I remember. You came here with that Severus. He's not unfamiliar with our whiskey selection, if you know what I mean." Both women rolled their eyes in unison. "He doesn't seem to talk much though, I can't say I know anything about him. I must admit I was surprised to see him with a gorgeous young witch like yourself."

"You weren't the only one." Aria scoffed, finishing off her pumpkin juice.

"Well it makes a little bit more sense now." She laughed, a set of pristine pearly teeth emerging from her red glossy lips.

It seemed Aria was not the only one who had been admiring the woman's beauty, and almost right on cue the drunk decided to look a little bit more lively, demanding another pint. Reluctantly the barmaid obliged, shooting Aria an apologetic look.

Aria couldn't help but notice the gruff looking man practically throw himself over the bar in order to get a good gawk at the barmaids behind. The slightly older woman seemed unfazed by the mans actions, in-fact Aria wasn't entirely unsure she wasn't enjoying the attention. Choosing not to interrupt as neither party seemed to object to the altercation, Aria kept her mouth shut.

That was until the man's attention turned to her. The barmaid disappeared from view, presumably to refill the barrel the drunk had practically drowned himself in. "Haven't seen you around here before." He started harmlessly, though Aria did not miss the way his eyes seemed to scan the whole of her body.

"Just moved into Hogwarts, haven't seen much of Hogsmeade." Aria admitted, but made the conscious decision to turn away from him, hoping not to engage in any further conversation.

"You a friend of Ros'" He asked, intrigued, while downing a good half of his pint.

"Not really, no." Aria shrugged. "I didn't even know her name until just now."

"Rosalind Rookwood." He edged his seat closer to Arias. "Fantastic barmaid, though I wouldn't say it was her best profession." He winked.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean." Aria turned her nose up at the man, just praying he would leave her alone.

"Well, you know, bein' a barmaids fine an all, but it doesn't always pay the bills. Miss Rookwood's got her fair share of stories to tell, and not all of them her own." He laughed, the potent stench of his alcoholic breath suffocating Aria as he leaned in closer, wrapping a heavy arm around her shoulders. "If it turns out teaching isn't for you, just know you'll have a loyal customer in me." He hiccuped, his free arm, reaching down to stroke the woman's exposed thigh.

Instinctively Aria gripped onto his wrist, forcing it off of her. "What the hell do you think you are doing!?" Aria exclaimed, pushing the man away from her. "Don't you dare lay your hands on me again."

The drunk showed no sign of guilt or remorse, he simply chuckled to himself, revealing a shocking lack of teeth. Disgusted, Aria made to move but found herself cornered against the bar.

Fortunately the altercation had caused enough disruption to alert the two men having a casual evening drink. Instantly one rushed over to her aid, stupefying the old man. The second man followed suit and made it his business to remove the frozen figure from the bar.

"Are you alright?" The first man asked, his brow furrowing with worry.

"I'm fine, thank you for stepping in." Aria smiled, brushing herself down, as though she was riding herself from the drunks disgusting touch.

The man returned a boyish grin, his eyes bright blue and full of kindness. Aria had never seen anyone like him. His presence was almost cartoon like, with positivity radiating from him. Aria couldn't help but let out a nervous laugh, her smile growing just by looking at him. His energy was contagious.

"Is... is there anything I can do to thank you?" She tried your shake herself back to reality though remained entranced by him.

"Nothing at all. I'm just glad I was here to help." He extended a hand, almost nervously, introducing himself. "Alexander Turner, pleasure to meet you."

"You too." Aria blushed, unable to break eye contact with the man, and was now incredibly aware of how dumbfounded she must look. "I'm Aria" She stuttered, the sound of his friend retuning sending her back to reality. "I apologise for staring, but I just can't seem to take my eyes off you, you have an enchanting aura about you. I'm sorry if I may seem a little strange."

"There's no need to apologise, I get it all the time." He laughed, though not arrogantly, it was sweet and innocent. "My mother's a Veela." He added, almost embarrassedly, upon noticing the slightly look of confusion appearing on Arias face.

The couple shared an awkward smile, both at a loss for words.

Alexander's friend passed by the pair silently, slapping him encouragingly on the shoulder before disappearing behind the bar, Rosalind following closely behind.

Aria noted the difference in both attitude and appearance in the two men, finally able to distinguish between the two. The friend was tall and broad shouldered, his hair messy though not long. He gave off a sort of American football, "bro", fratbroy vibe. In other words kind of arrogant and full of himself. Clearly he saw himself as the one in control. Alexander on the other hand was more slim, but not skinny. Tall but not lanky. Innocent but not naive. His clothes appeared similar to his friends but presented more neatly and well put together. She assumed he felt sorry for his friend, knowing his Veela parentage would gain him lots of female attention, and in return Alexander simply allowed himself to get pushed around to boost his friends ego.

With a roll of his eyes Alexander practically confirmed her theory and Aria couldn't stop herself from laughing once more.

Knowing that while Rosalind and 'Braydon'; as he turned out to be, would not be returning any time soon, Aria and Alexander chose to occupy one of the booths and get to know a little bit about each other, where Alex truly confirmed all of Aria's suspicions.

Upon Braydon's return, he flashed his rather large biceps, kissing each one in turn as he flexed them, before letting out a hearty growl, presumably this was a display of male dominance among his kind. His kind being; douchebags.

With another roll of her eyes Aria bid farewell to the men, thanking Alexander once more for his heroic rescue.

"How about a date?" Alex called nervously as Aria had just about reached the door.

"I'm sorry?" She replies, caught off guard.

"A date, here, with me. What do you say?" Aria shook her head unable to look away from that damn charming smile of his.

"I'll agree to a few drinks." She clarified. "Just send me an owl, you know where I'll be." And with that she disappeared once more down the path to Hogwarts, the grey sky above all the while threatening to rain down on her.

Taglist: @ayamenimthiriel @lizlil

#severus snape #severus snape fanfiction #severus snape one shot #severus snape imagine #severus snape x reader #severus x reader #severus x oc #severus x y/n #Harry Potter #harry potter and the goblet of fire #harry potter fanfiction #alan rickman #dumbledore #dumbledores granddaughter #potions master #potions masters apprentice #Severus Snape smut #severus snape fluff

45 notes · View notes

cosmic-lavender · 3 years

Text

Stability Chapter 5

Otis driftwood x Reader

( I do not own these gifs)

Masterlist is here.

"Did you know that the first artist we saw was Jean-Michel Basquiat?!" You were flipping through the pamphlet from the art show you both had attended with a big smile on your face. You were so happy that Otis had agreed to do something so domestic and innocent with you. " No I didn't little lady did you learn that in your fancy city college you went to?". " I did yup''. You adjusted in your seat a bit, " It says here that their next show is in San Diego California oh wow." " Isn't that where your kin is from?" Otis asked as you both pulled off the road onto a dirt path. " Oh yeah you remember?" You smiled up at him tucking your hair behind your ear. "Have you ever missed California?" He asked turning off the truck and looking at you. " I honestly don't remember it. I've spent so much of my life here in Texas that I barely have any memories of California. The weather was nice though and the beach.". Otis scratched his face and sighed "You know I was always worried that you were going to find some educated college city boy and head back to California one day, piff hell I sometimes worry about that now." His voice got a little quieter at the end as he pulled his gun from under the seat and set it into his pants.

You put the pamphlet down and looked toward him. "Are you serious? How could you say that!?" Your voice raised a little higher than you planned but you were surprised. " Now calm down mama I didn't mean nothing" he pushed open the truck door and after grabbing the large bag of guns from the small back seat. He didn't go any further into what he just said, he wasn't good with that emotional crap. But truth be told he was scared one day this wouldn't be enough for you and that you would want to leave. He wouldn't blame you either, as much as you were a part of this family he knew what kinda family this was, it was chaotic and dysfunctional and maybe you'd want someone educated, younger and more … stable than him. You hopped out the truck after him as he held the bag and shovel.

"Otis I said what do you mean by that '' you hurried behind him struggling to keep up with his long legs. He tossed the bag of guns on the ground and began to dig, you stood there arms crossed staring at him waiting for him to speak. " God damnit woman leave the fuck alone I said I ain't mean nothing by it". " Yeah, except you don't say things just to say it. Why are you thinking that I married you !!! Doesn't that show I'm happy here with you?". He didn't answer, he just dug faster and harder into the ground. Before he could grab the bag of guns you stood in front of them. " Otis stop please I'm trying to talk to you" " just go on and wait in the truck y/n '' he replied, still not looking at you.

You walked closer to him crossing your arms even tighter. " You know what I think this is? A ploy on YOUR END, ONE TO GET RID OF ME". That stopped him in his tracks. He looked up at you all covered in dirt and sweaty, his wife beater sticking to his chest. Dammit why was he so sexy.. you're mad at him, stay strong y/n. " THE FUCK WOMAN " He threw down the shovel and stepped out of the hole he was digging. You backed up still trying to look taller and more intimidating by holding your head up. " Yeah I said it, I think it's some stupid ploy to push me away. Why I don't know I don't know what more you could want from me. I do everything for you. I wash your bloody clothes, I bring you dinner to the art studio. I help you .. you know when I can't stomach it and I've opened my mind to your….. activities. Hell, I've even begun to enjoy them. I'm your sister's best friend, mama loves me. I'm like a daughter to her, she said and Spaulding's like the father I never had. I'm a part of this family, why are you trying to ruin this' '. He said nothing he just started at you, blank eyes and nothing on his face. You threw your hands up in the air in defeat. " I love you Otis ok but I don't deserve to feel insecure I don't I … you know fuck this fuck it whatever." You turned away from him stomping back to the truck in a hurry. You were so annoyed and frustrated how you were supposed to have a stable relationship with him making things so difficult.

He stared at you for a second before heading toward you "y/n Y/N HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU FUCK GET BACK HERE, I SAID HEY GET BACK HERE". You opened the truck door when he beat you to getting inside and slammed the door shut. " Look at me, " he demanded, towering over you. You refused, crossing your arms once again and looking away, you felt your eyes sting with the onset of tears approaching. You felt his large hands touch your face and turn it to face him. You shut your eyes to try and hold back the tears that were threatening to spring from your eyes. " I'm not saying anything like that mamas alright, I fuck sometimes can't believe that someone like you could be happy with someone like me. " You opened your eyes and saw him staring at you. " You know you were all I could think about when I was at college Otis" he continued to just stare at you but you could tell he was listening intently. " I was the one that was worried that you were going to find someone closer to your age and that you were just going to see me as a little girl, I was worried that my little silly crush on my best friend's brother was just that, a fantasy. But I couldn't help but remember all the times it was you and I alone. The things we would discuss the movies we would watch the books you would ask me to read out loud." " You know you're the only person I've ever asked to do that" he said lightly stroking your cheek now.. "a lot of the shit I do with you I've never done I just never thought about it, I never thought I could be this soft but you knew how to dig those claws deep and rip out this part of me I thought was dead and buried or maybe never existed."

You smiled and felt the tears starting to emerge. " You know I already knew about half that political shit I came to ask you for help for, I just wanted your point of view and to hear your voice and watch you rant and get all passionate." You chuckled and rested your hand on his. " I had a feeling I knew you were smart as hell but I'm glad you humored me." " I love you y/n there's no way I would ever push you away, if anything I'm afraid you'll try and leave." " Try?" You chuckled a bit " yeah try you think I would let this go? Hm?" He reached round and grabbed your ass hard with his whole hand. " This ass is mine mamas forever". You smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck. " Yes sir " he lifted you up and moved you to the hood of the truck laying you down on it he unbuckled your pants quickly ripping them down, you hurried to unbuckle his pants and stick your hand into his underwear grabbing him by his shaft. " And this is mine forever." He lowered the rest of his garments and pushed your farther up the hood. He stuck a finger into your wet center, " hmmmm always so ready for me", he removed his large long finger and locked it clean as he lined himself up with your center. You nodded " always ". He pushed into you as you wrapped your legs around his waist..

"Where are you taking us, where are we going?" Roy asked looking back at Otis as the van pressed on. "Man you are not a good listener Hoss I swear I went over all this". Otis looked over toward him while still pointing the gun at Adam "Well I guess it wouldn't do no harm to tell you ..again, let's see ah, we're going to go dig up some guns I buried out here a couple of years ago. " Then what? " Roy asked, his voice shaking. "Well there ain't no what, that's the end of the road." Otis replied. "What?... you're not gonna kill us are ya?" Roy looked over at Adam. Otis scoffed "Killing sounds so permanent."

They eventually arrived at the spot Otis instructed them too, the memory of him fucking you on the hood of the truck in this location flashed through his mind. Sorry this is taking so long darlin he thought to himself. Stopping the van Roy got out first and suddenly violently vomited all over the dirt in front of them. " Damn Hoss that is disgusting. Do you puke like that in front of your wife? Does she like it when you puke? I mean is that part of your deal?" "Fuck… you" Adam spat at Otis turning around to face him."That's what they all say "Fuck you", well it ain't gonna save you. It don't scare me none and it don't suddenly make you a fucking hero".

While approaching the dig site Adam and Roy attempted to wrestle the gun from Otis to no avail. "Well we'll do well!!! I was going to take it easy on you and make it fast, but then you had to go and play the fucking hero!" Otis punched Adam over and over busting his face open in the process." I want you to see what happens to heroes…" He walked over to Roy who was clinging to life on the ground, bleeding out from his wounds. " Now Hoss I want you to pray to your god. I want you to pray that he comes and saves you. I want lightning to come and crash down upon my fucking head!" He pointed to the sky then looked down at Roy. " I will pray... Jesus…" sputtered Roy " Louder!" "Bless the bunnies, bless the little birds, bless the… " yelled Roy"I don't feel anything!" Otis screamed "Bless the springtime morning…" Roy said his voice fading out. Otis began to pretend to be struck by an unknown force and look to the heavens " ooo aaah I feel it! Oh great god almighty I repent, I repent! Oh I feel the love of the god, god, god almighty! Oh the holy spirit is in my body."

Finally losing patience with the situation he stands above Roy pushing his long silver hair from his face. " You want to know who I am? I am the devil.. and I'm here to do the devil's work" he took out his large hunting knife and stabbed Roy in the heart.

#otis driftwood #house of 1000 corpses #three from hell #otis driftwood x reader #otis firefly #thedevilsrejects #the devils rejects

49 notes · View notes

witchygagirlwrites · 4 years

Text

Cant Love You Back

*Not My Gif*

Because the song was stuck in my hand and apparently I am a fucking narcissist that loves pain so here ya go. @gottaboopthesnoot

There was a time in Kelly's life he was simply coasting through. He'd bust his ass at work then either go home to an empty apartment or go get drunk and go home with a girl whose name he had forgotten by the time he left her place.

That changed the day Chief Boden announced fifty one was getting a new addition. You stood at the front of the room as Boden introduced you. Kelly offered you his hand and from the moment you smiled at him he felt something start to flutter inside him he had never dreamt of giving the light of day.

You fit in as if you'd been a part of the team from the start. Everyone that met you seemed to be drawn to you, Kelly worse of all. He'd find himself scanning for you after a tough call just to see for himself you were fine. After shift would end he'd make any excuse to spend more time with you

--------------------

"So when are you gonna bite the bullet and ask her out?" Matt asked after watching Kelly follow you around like a puppy for two solid months.

When Kelly cut his eyes at him he raised both hands defensively "Just saying man. It's painfully obvious how you feel. I can't blame you she's a great woman and beautiful. I think she feels the same but you're her Lieutenant and she's not going to admit anything that may make her seem as if she's ladder climbing"

"That you or Gabby talking?" Kelly asked looking out into the bay where you were currently helping Gabby and Sylvie restock their rig. "Little bit of both. I'm just saying Kelly you've changed since she got here and it's not bad changes. Go with your gut. It's never led you wrong"

Kelly felt Matt patt his shoulder before hearing his footsteps walk away. Had he changed that much since meeting you? When he thought about it he didn't remember the last time he'd drank over a couple beer and he'd been content with an empty bed knowing he'd see you the following shift

You threw him off balance in the best way possible. You wouldn't blink an eye going into a fire but volunteered in the n.i.c.u. on your days off. You were a perfect combination of that fire he'd always crave and the peace that he desperately needed.

Hearing your laughter drew him out his thoughts and he glanced up to see you walking into the common room laughing about something Slyvie had said. When your eyes met his you smiled even further "Hey Kelly" "Hey Y/N can i talk to you for a minute?" The moment he asked Slyvie and Gabby shared a look then made up some excuse to be scarce.

"What's up?" You asked smiling up at him and Jesus christ he felt like a teenager with their first crush "You think you may wanna grab dinner with me sometime?" "Kelly Severide are you asking me out?" You questioned and he nearly blushed "Yeah?" You took a step closer to him and leaned up to leave a kiss on his cheek "good cause I am doing absolutely nothing Friday night and I have a new outfit sitting in my closet that desperately needs to see the light of day"

"About frickin time!" Both of you both turned when you heard Mouch who was sitting on the couch watching t.v. but it was apparent he'd seen your exchange. "Excuse me?" You asked with a laugh so Mouch shrugged "I had the two and a half month mark in the betting pool"

Your mouth fell open in shock and Kelly couldn't help but laugh when you recovered enough to say "That's it! I'm calling sergeant Platt!" and Mouch started backtracking trying his best to apologize but you winked at Kelly then ran off already dialing on your phone.

--------------------

Kelly pulled up in front of your apartment building around seven and slowly walked inside. Your apartment was on the second floor so headed for the elevator while he sent you a text that he was on the way up.

By the time he stepped off the elevator you were standing in the hall waiting on him. You were wearing black ankle boots with a black dress and a red leather jacket. Your hair was down in loose curls around your face and he'd never seen a more beautiful sight. "Wow" he breathed and a smile spread across your face "Does that mean you like?" He nodded quickly "Very much"

--------------------

The night went by too quick in Kelly's opinion. The two of you went to dinner and a movie then stopped at Molly's for a drink before he took you home. When he walked in with his arm around your waist it just felt right. Otis slid two drinks across the bar with a smile "These are from Mouch and Trudy" you leaned back in your seat and spotted the two so you raised your bottle to them with a smile then turned back to Kelly "So Severide I was going to wait until you take me home but you owe me a kiss. I mean i technically kissed you first"

"Is that right?" He asked with a smirk that only deepened when you said "oh yeah definitely. I mean I've heard that you're some sort of ladies man yet all night the furthest you've went is home my hand or putting your arm around me" he cut you off mid sentence with a kiss. The kiss was gentle, barely a brush of the lips but when he pulled back a smile was on both of your faces "So does that mean this is going to be more than one date?" He asked and was answered by you grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him in for another kiss.

-------------------------

The first time you told Kelly you loved him was after a huge fight between the two of you. You'd been staying at his place more and more so he was on the verge of asking you to move in but it just so happened a friend of yours had stopped by the firehouse to catch up. That friend just so happened to be male and Kelly's jealousy flared up.

The night had ended with you storming out of his apartment slamming the door behind you. You didn't answer any of his calls or texts and when he came over to your place you opened the door long enough to say "Kelly if you care about me at all you'll leave"

The next day he was miserable walking into fifty one. He spotted your car and prayed you'd talk to him but you stayed close to either Gabby and Sylvie or once they left on a call you walked over to where Herrman was sitting and struck up a conversation with him.

A call came out for an apartment fire with civilians trapped. Kelly was watching you take your orders from Matt and wanted nothing more than to tell you to be safe before you went in but didn't want to distract you if you were still upset. You started to walk past him but stopped just long enough to say "I love you Kelly" then jogged to catch up with your crew who were headed in. He had just a few seconds to process what you'd said before heading in the other entrance with Cruz.

The moment the building was cleared you were outside helping roll the hoses up. Kelly had just got through talking with Matt and chief Boden when he saw you. He caught your hand when you bent down to pick up another hose and the moment your eyes met his he said "I love you too. I'm sorry i was a jealous asshole. I've just never felt this way" you rolled your eyes but the smile you had told him all he needed to know even before you said "Good because neither have I. I'm not going anywhere Kelly"

----------------------

You and Kelly were coming up on your two year anniversary. Your present had been sitting in the top drawer of his dresser for weeks. Gabby had went with him to help pick out what cut and style of ring she thought you'd like and of course she'd somehow managed to find out your ring size as well.

He had everything planned. Where he was going to take you, what he was going to say. The thing about plans is that sometimes the unexpected happens.

--------------------

The call had been simple enough. A warehouse had caught fire on the south side. You'd went in with Matt to clear the base floor where a few workers were trapped. You were following close behind Matt "Fire Department call out!" The haze of smoke was bad enough you could barely see in front of you.

You took another step and heard the crack right before your footing gave way. One moment you were falling the next you felt a sharp pain rip through your abdomen. You looked down to see a piece of rebar sticking out an inch above your navel. Your hands were shaking as you touched the wound trying to apply pressure but the slightest movement ripped a scream from your lips. "Y/N!" You could hear Matt's voice and knew you just had to hold on.

A moment later you heard him across the radio "Floor collapsed. Y/N's hurt. I need assistance" when his face appeared next to you the look on your face told you everything you needed to know about your injury. "Matt if something happens. Help Kelly please" you begged him your only thoughts being what would happen to the man you loved. Gabby told you how bad he'd gotten about Shay had been killed. You didn't want him falling in that hole. "Hey don't talk like that. You'll be fine. Your anniversary is in two weeks you'll be on your feet by then"

Matt's hand found yours and gripped it tight. You could hear voices and knew everyone was working their way to you.

Kelly was fighting to get inside to your side but Boden called him back "You'll be in the way. Let them get her out then you can ride with them to med" it took everything in him to not argue. The moment he saw Cruz and Capp emerge he ran to your side feeling himself weaken when he saw how severely injured you were.

"Hey baby" you managed weakly as he climbed into the ambulance next to you while Gabby worked to stop the flow of blood. "Hey beautiful" he said with a smile that was marred by the tears flowing down his face. Every bump the ambulance hit caused a grimace to flash across your face. "Kelly I don't want to die" you whispered right as your grip on his hand loosened and the heart monitor on you flat lined.

--------------------

"If love could have saved Y/N she would have lived forever. Love from her aunt and uncle who raised her, from her family at firehouse fifty one and from her loving boyfriend. Sadly fate as it seemed had other plans. We don't know why she was taken from us so soon and as we grieve today may the loving warmth of her spirit live on in all of us she held close"

Kelly sat in the front of the church staring at the photo of you that had been chosen. Those eyes he loved looking into that never opened again after you whispered how you didn't want to die. That smile that always made even his worse day better that he'd never see again. He never got to ask you to marry him. He never got to see you pregnant with his child. He'd never get to tell you again just how much you meant to him.

He'd love you every day for the rest of his life. If only he could manage to love you back to this world then maybe his heart wouldn't feel like it had been ripped out his chest the moment you took your last breath.

#kelly severide x reader #chicago fire fanfic #one chicago fanfic #kelly severide x you #kelly severide fanfiction

87 notes · View notes

omoi-no-hoka · 4 years

Note

Hey! I saw your blog today and I love it very much!! I see you're an open person so, I also have a question: HOW does one survive studying japanese at uni?? I'm in my first year and only my second (online haha) semester and we started out with Minna no nihongo 1 but we're supposed to finish Minna 2 by the end of this semester, same with Basic Kanji book 1 in the first sem and now Basic Kanji Book 2, all while also learning mostly of Japan's history and others in this semester. Exams will kill me

Hello! I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog! I am open to a fault lol. Let me recount my meandering journey through uni, illustrating my feelings through gifs of Noel Fielding because he is my celebrity crush.

Uni is such a difficult time for so many people, trying to figure out who you are now and who you want to be later. It wasn’t until my senior year that I realized what I wanted to do. I started writing out my university experience and it got super long, so allow me to just summarize my “Lessons Learned” here and you can read the rest if you want to know all the dirty deets lol. I double-majored in Japanese and English, so I think that my experience can perhaps be useful to people who are majoring in things other than Japanese as well.

Hard-Learned Lessons from Uni

Do not choose a course of study because it is “practical.” Choose it because it is something you love. Seriously. Nothing is more important than this point. Do not choose a major because “I’ll make a lot of money” or “My parents are telling me this is good for me.”

If you are learning multiple languages at once, you must give your brain time to organize what you learned from one language lesson before moving on to the next. You can do this by waiting a couple hours between lessons, getting up and walking around, studying one language in different space from the other, etc. Otherwise, it all becomes a terrible mess in your head.

It’s okay not to know what you want your career to be. It’s okay not to have a specific plan. Life works out one way or the other.

I know how expensive uni can be. (It’s been six years since I graduated and I’m still making hefty loan payments.) But don’t feel like you have to take a full courseload every single semester and graduated asap, particularly if the classes are hard and/or you are working. I took the maximum credit hours allowed every semester on top of working RIDICULOUS hours and it nearly killed me at one point. I’m not kidding.

It is not unusual to have an identity crisis and/or mental breakdown. Take care of yourself. Know when you are nearing breaking point. Seek out the help of professionals. Most universities have psychiatrists and therapists that will see you very cheaply.

Surround yourself with good people and look out for each other.

Do not rely on substances to ease your suffering because sometimes the remedy becomes the malady. Not saying you should avoid all parties or anything square like that, but just don’t be one of those people that parties every night and gets in over their head.

Let me preface this by stating that I’m an American, and our universities are stupid because they force us to take a ton of “general education” courses that are irrelevant to our majors, and many students spend their first couple years taking only a couple courses related to their majors and minors, and try to focus on getting those stupid gen eds out of the way.

Year 1: Oh Shit, This Is Harder Than I Thought It Would Be

I come from a town of less than 2600 people. Our high school prepared its students for the following career paths:

joining the military (boys only)

becoming a farmer (boys only)

welding, carpentry, or other practical jobs (boys only)

becoming a housewife (girls only)

So basically I coasted through high school never having to study anything because it was one great big joke, only I thought I was like super duper smart because I was in the top five of my graduating class of 48. LOLLLLLLLLL

I entered university as a German major, Japanese minor. (Japanese was not offered as a major at my uni). I had never studied German previously, but I studied Spanish and French in high school and I just had this feeling that German and Japanese were the languages for me.

The first semester, I had Japanese 101 and German 101 back to back, in the EXACT SAME CLASSROOM. I can’t stress enough how much of a mindfuck it was to go from thinking about Japanese for 50 minutes, having a 10 minute break, and then trying to switch your brain to German. IN THE SAME ROOM. It actually gave me headaches to try and make that mental jump. Managed to pull through the year with A’s in both, but German was much more of a challenge to me than Japanese. Which was really unexpected.

I also flunked several gen eds because I didn’t give a shit about them and skipped them and got placed on academic probation and was nearly kicked out of uni because of my poor grades

Basically, I was such a weeb that I had watched enough anime with subtitles and sung along to enough anime songs that I had absorbed about 90% of the first year’s worth of Japanese vocab and grammar through osmosis. I really did have the power of God and anime on my side.

Year 2: The Year of the Mid-Midlife Crisis and Mental Breakdown

There really is no gif that will encapsulate the level of turmoil I went through that year. I looked really hard for one, trust me.

It became apparent very quickly that I could not keep up with German. I ended up dropping it early in the first semester, which meant I had to choose a new major. Thinking of what would be practical to pair with a Japanese minor, I went for International Business for a semester, took Accounting, and realized that I HATE The Man, corporate bullshit, and also numbers as a concept.

All I knew at this point was that I liked Japanese but couldn’t make it a major. I also knew I didn’t want to transfer universities. So I kept taking gen eds, just barely passing them because to this day I cannot bring myself to put effort into something I do not care about, and also taking more classes related to my Japanese minor. It was the Japanese classes that saved my GPA and kept me from getting kicked out of uni.

At the same time, I took a creative writing course because that’s been a hobby of mine since elementary school, and I kinda thought about an English major, but then was like, “Eww I don’t wanna be forced to read books I don’t give a shit about. And also, what will I do with that degree?”

Also, at the same time, I was working full time, and often getting stuck working from 2 pm to 7 am (Yes, 15-hour shifts, because the overnight dude would call in sick last minute and I’d be begged to cover his shift), and then dragging myself to classes and drooling on the desks because I’d fall asleep.

Also also, I started to have possible hallucinations? To this day I don’t know what was going on, but either I was legitimately going crazy, or there was a demon following me around and being quite rude to me, making light fixtures fall and shatter inches from my head, throwing papers around my room, opening and closing doors, turning lights off and on, coming to me in dreams and doing some really, really traumatic things to me in them, and just standing in corners staring at me at all hours of the night. Had me so scared that towards the end of the school year I was waiting to sleep until sunrise, when it would go away. And no, I was not using any mind-altering substances of any sort. Not even going out and getting drunk.

So, yeah. Year Two was a hard one that I can’t believe I pushed through. Probably the darkest year of my life, I’d say. What got me through it? An unhealthy amount of energy drinks, friends, and my love of Japanese. Also Aerosmith.

Do I still see that demon? No. He vanished when the school year ended and I moved out of the dorms. Do I believe in the supernatural? Yes, to an extent. Do I think that what I was seeing was actually a demon? I honestly don’t know. I have had actual supernatural experiences verified by multiple witnesses, and a few years before Year 2, several friends and myself had seen an entity similar to what was following me around. But this one in Year 2 only did things when I was alone. So it could have all been in my head, and I will never know.

Since then, I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and also a form of insomnia that keeps me from sleeping through the night, and I know that my anxiety manifests itself in psychosomatic ways. In other words, my mind will take my anxiety and turn it into a physical symptom that feels real in every way, but is actually not occurring. So far it’s manifested as: sensitivity to sunlight, the symptoms of a stroke or heart attack, half of my face going numb, and headaches in my left eye. Once I realize that the symptom is just my anxiety, I can force myself to ignore and overcome it. But then my anxiety finds a new form to manifest, and the cycle repeats a few months later. It could be that my stress caused me to see this demon for a while.

Should I have consulted a psychiatrist and gotten help? YEP. If you find yourself struggling like that, seek help please. 💕

Year 3: Adrift But Afloat

I moved out of the dorms and into an apartment with my best friend, a Japanese girl I met in the dorms freshman year. I will call her Setsuko. Setsuko is basically the reason I graduated uni. She memorized my class schedules and took copies of exam dates, woke me up, forced me to go classes instead of skipping, forced me to go to the library and study with her, and cooked me dinner most days since she didn’t have to work like I did. I can’t express enough how much she did to improve my life outside of school and work, and how much that improved my mental health. She also acclimated me to lots of subtle things about Japanese culture just by living with her, and this helped me later when I moved to Japan. Thank you, Setsuko. 一生の恩人。

I was still doing those bullshit 15-hour overnight shifts way more than I should have, and also had the maximum courseload.

The Japanese classes got a lot more difficult in Year 3. But I loved them. They were the only classes I never skipped. I took more classes towards the minor like Buddhist Philosophy and Japanese History, which I really enjoyed. While polishing off more gen eds, I thought over what to do with my major.

My family and friends all told me that I should become an English teacher. I had always been good at words and at explaining things. But I didn’t really like the idea of being a high school teacher. I became an English major, though, because I knew that I didn’t hate English. Took grammar classes and HOLY SHIT did I hit my stride.

I realized that I didn’t like English lit. I liked linguistics. So I focused heavily on all grammar and linguistics courses, taking the bare minimum of literature courses required for the major. My GPA improved substantially.

Yet I still was consumed with this nagging fear. It was Year 3 and I still had no fucking idea what I wanted to do when I graduated.

Year 4: Clarity At The 11th Hour

Urged on by my “Don’t you dare get one of those stupid arts degrees that won’t get you a paycheck” parents, I decided that the most “practical” degree would not be “English,” but “English Education.” I began taking the English Ed classes with linguistics, grammar, and second language acquisition classes. The goal was to become a qualified English high school teacher who could also do ESL (since I had Spanish and Japanese under my belt more or less).

At the same time, I entered into Independent Study for Japanese with two other students. We were tasked with reading Izu no Odoriko, a classic short story. Independent study was its own beast. It required a lot more concentration and work on my part, obviously. But because Japanese was my first and foremost passion, I centered my efforts on those courses, and then on the others.

The process of getting certified to be an English teacher was lengthy and expensive in my state. This meant my graduation would be further prolonged, and I was worried about money, because I was already about $50,000 in debt at the time, despite working those fucking overnight shifts all the time that were eating me alive.

Then, during the summer vacation when my 4th year ended, I got a scholarship and went to Japan to study abroad. Education majors had the option to study abroad in several countries, and as luck would have it, one of them was Japan, and it was Setsuko’s HOMETOWN! The study abroad program itself was the first month of summer vacation, and Setsuko said, “Okay, just come stay at my house for the rest of summer vacation!”

Never have I said “yes” quicker in my entire life.

On the train headed from Sapporo to the town where I would be actually staying during my studies, I looked at the lush rice paddies and mountains in the distance and my entire heart just hummed with this “This is where you’re meant to be.” I knew then and there that I would move to Japan upon graduation.

What would I do there? Well, teach English, obviously.

My three months in Japan effectively aligned my entire life. My path had materialized before me. It was a roughly hacked, hard-to-see path through thick underbrush, but I could see it nonetheless.

Year 5: Let’s Hurry It Up, I’m Ready To Live

Come Year 5, all of my Japanese classmates that had been with me since freshman year were gone and I was alone. My professor taught me Classical Japanese through independent study, and it was the must grueling course I took my entire five years there. But I found it invaluable and am eternally grateful to him for teaching me, because you see Classical Japanese a lot more than you’d think you would in everyday life. Particularly in formal settings.

I still wanted to get certified to teach English in American high schools, because while I knew I wanted to go to Japan for now, I didn’t know if I wanted to spend my entire life there and I wanted a solid job opportunity when I came back to the states at some point.

However, the more education courses I took, the more I saw that the American education system was just as full of red-tape and The Man’s bullshit as corporate America, something else I rebuke with every fiber of my being. I also realized I’d need to take a 6th year of university, and that just wasn’t financially feasible for me. So I switched to a plain old English major with a heavy focus on linguistics and second language acquisition, and continued classical Japanese.

I took the remaining 3 gen eds online in the summer, graduated, popped up to Chicago to do a month-long intensive course to get the CELTA (Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages issued by Cambridge.) It’s the most widely accepted and revered certification for teaching English as a foreign language.

So in the span of five years, I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in English with a focus in linguistics and SLA, and what is technically a major in Japanese Studies. 40 credit hours were required for a major, and I completed 42 credit hours tied to my minor, so while it isn’t listed on my diploma as a major, I did the coursework. I also got a CELTA Pass B, which only 20% of applicants achieve and never expires. The grand total for all of this was roughly $100,000 USD in loans.

Post-Graduation

The week I came back to my hometown from Chicago with my CELTA in hand, I packed my suitcases, threw a going-away party, and then flew to Sapporo, where I began my first job after uni, teaching English to children aged 0-18 at a private English conversation school. I did that for three years before changing careers and becoming a Japanese-English translator/interpreter for a global company.

So how useful have my choices during university proven to be?

I’m sure I don’t have to explain that studying Japanese helps me tons with translating Japanese to English or living in Japan lol

Studying English grammar, linguistics, sociolinguistics, and second language acquisition has allowed me to recognize minute nuances that can make the difference between a successful and unsuccessful business negotiation when interpretation is necessary.

My background in education also means that I know how to present information clearly, concisely, and in a way that engages the audience. I am known as “The PowerPoint Pro” at work lol.

I also have a keen eye for performance evaluation, behavior analysis, and improvement action plans.

I offered English conversation lessons to coworkers for over a year, and now that is being done in other branches across the company! (Well, they were before COVID haha.)

I DO NOT RECOMMEND WORKING THE HOURS I WORKED WHILE IN SCHOOL. My grades suffered and I wish I had worked less and focused more on classes. However, by working 15-hour shifts and doing full days of classes, I developed a very good tolerance for overtime, which comes in handy in the Japanese workplace. Just last month I had three 15 hour days in the same week. Sweet, sweet overtime pay.

All of these facets have culminated in me earning a pretty nice promotion to 正社員 seishain back in February, which means I get nice benefits and basically my job is guaranteed until I die or the company goes under.

Should I decide to return to America someday, I will probably not go into the education field. Too much red tape. I will likely continue translation/interpretation for companies, because it isn’t too difficult and pays well. Though ideally I’d love to just make a living sharing cool information about Japanese and stuff, and maybe writing those stories that are bouncing around in my head when I should be working haha.

Do I think the debt is worth it?

Well, I don’t think I had any other option than to take out those loans. I didn’t have the means to learn the things I wanted to learn unless I went to university.

Unless Japanese work visa requirements have changed, you are required to have a bachelor’s degree in order to obtain my sub-type of work-visa, so I needed a degree of some kind no matter what.

Frankly, if I hadn’t gone to that university and met my best friend Setsuko, I don’t think I’d be where I am right now, living the life I am now. So just having met her is worth any price to me.

Paying off all the loans is daunting, especially when yen is weak to the dollar. There were months I had to ask my parents for help, especially early on. But now I’ve got multiple loans paid off, my salary has increased, and the “omg i have money and no supervision so I can buy whatever I want” idiocy has mostly gone away. But I did get a super sweet pair of blindingly silver Converses a couple days ago that I definitely didn’t need

Do I have any regrets regarding my time at university?

I still regret dropping Old English for a stupid English Ed class. Seriously, how cool would that have been? But I still have the textbook, workbook, and I contacted the professor last week and she was kind enough to send me a syllabus. God bless her. So now I’m working on that bit by bit, which is fun.

I wish I hadn’t been such a cocky, naive idiot my first year. Thinking I could just “show up for tests” was the stupidest thing. It messed up my GPA, and my parents forbade me from retaking classes so I couldn’t go back and fix my mistakes. I think I graduated with a 3.4 overall GPA out of 4, but my English major GPA was 3.9 and my Japanese GPA was 4.0. So it’s pretty frustrating to have those gen eds and my dumbfuckery mar my transcript like that.

I really didn’t party at all. Most all of my friends were straight-laced Japanese exchange students, and I was also working ridiculous hours so I just didn’t really have the time. A part of me feels like I missed out on that part of the college experience.

Recently I’ve been putting more effort into improving my creative writing by reading a lot of books on the subject. Not a small part of me wishes that I had gone with a Creative Writing major instead of English major, because I still would have studied all the grammar and linguistics. Then again, I do believe that creative writing can be self-taught.

I wish I hadn’t worked as much as I did. There were a lot of times I couldn’t complete assignments or I missed lectures because I was just so drained. It wasn’t even good money.

Well...I did not intend for this post to become as long as it has. I’ve been cooped up in my apartment with nothing but two goldfish for company for over a month now and I think I’m a bit stir-crazy. Thank you to anyone and everyone who bothered to read all of this and become my therapist for a bit haha. Love you all. Stay safe and well. 💖

#study japanese #learn japanese #university #college #study tips #mental health #love you all #asks are open #stay well #noodle-of-sunshine #noel fielding #studyblr #college study tips #university struggles #college struggles #study english #study english education #study linguistics

50 notes · View notes

ethan-bears · 4 years

Text

Home for Christmas (Nolan Patrick x Reader)

You've resigned yourself to spending this Christmas alone. But Nolan has other plans.

Author's note: I started writing this out as a thought to send to @lindylovegang for her soft thought night tonight but I realized it needed to be a small book whole fic instead, so I decided to do this instead of editing my final paper. This is also not edited. I might edit it later. Who knows.

Warnings: light swearing, holidays, slight angst but it gets fluffy real quick, it's my first fic so it's probably not great, I'm on mobile and I can't figure out "keep reading" and I'm very sorry

Word count: absolutely no idea but good luck fam

gif credit to: bretthowden

*****

This was not how you wanted to spend your first Christmas in Philadelphia. Ideally, you wouldn't even be in Philly at all right now. You should be on a plane back home to your family and friends and the warm, familiar streets of your hometown. You should be waking up tomorrow morning in your grandma's house with the smell of warm bread surrounding you like a hug.

But no. You were trapped.

The blizzard had started to roll in earlier this morning, and you thought to yourself that it wouldn't be that bad, right? It was just some flurries. They wouldn't ground any flights, right?

Oh how wrong you wound up being.

After three hours of waiting for news in the airport terminal, followed by another hour and a half desperately trying to reschedule your flight to a time that would still work and getting nothing out of every airline representative in the building, you somehow managed to get an Uber driver crazy enough to come get you in the ocean of snow. Fighting back tears, you tried to console yourself in the backseat. At least your apartment would be warm. And you had a little tree, so it would still feel like Christmas. You'd make some soup and Skype your family, and while it wouldn't be the same as being with them, it would be better than nothing!

"Reckless optimist," you sighed as you flipped the light switch to your apartment only to be met with continued darkness. Alone in a dark, cold, apartment on Christmas Eve, snowed in with nowhere to go in a city that came nowhere close to feeling like home. Merry Christmas. Slumping against the door, you felt your hot tears break free and cascade down your face. You decided to let all the stress and frustration that had been building all day take over your body, sobbing harder than you could ever remember. Each new wave shook your body, sending you to the floor. You didn't care. It couldn't get worse, so why not act like it?

During a pause in the festivities you decided to check your phone to see if you had any messages from your dad, only to find a text you definitely didn't expect from someone who was definitely not your father.

Sir Nolan the Rosy-Faced: hey, just checking in, i know you're probably mid flight rn but just wanted to make sure you land safely when you do. Crazy storm. Text me?

Sniffing, you paused to process the message. Nolan wanted to make sure you were safe? It shouldn't really have surprised you, but the fact that he was concerned enough to text you while he thought you were still midair was...touching.

You fired a short text back explaining that the flight wasn't happening, thinking he'd respond with a simple "okay" or an "oh, sorry to hear that :(". But the next text you got (mere seconds later) surprised you again.

Sir Nolan: oh my god that sucks! Wait.....does that mean you're home alone tonight?

Me: Yeah, and the power's out, so it's suuuper cold, but idk it's fine, I'll just layer up and go to bed early I guess

Sir Nolan: are you okay?

That one hit you like a truck. No, you thought, I'm really, really not.

Me: Yeah, I'll be fine

Sir Nolan: are you sure? Cause I can come over if you want.

Any other night, you would be losing your mind at an offer like that. Ever since you had met Nolan, you'd had the biggest crush on him. All other crushes seemed like weak sauce compared to how you felt about him. But you'd cried all your energy out. The best response your heart could muster was a meek, "Sure, but don't worry if the snow's just too much."

You were met with a resounding, "Already on my way."

You decided that if you were going to be having company you should at least get up off the floor. You shuffled your way into your bedroom, habitually flicking the light switch before you remembered it was pointless. You fumbled in the dark to your desk drawer, trying to find your flashlight, and once you found it you turned it on and started changing into your warmest pajamas. Now that you weren't just a puddle of self-pity, you started to think about Nolan's sudden inviting-over of himself. You first met him during training camp when your work friend brought you along to meet up with Travis, her boyfriend. She figured that since you were new to the city and also a huge hockey fan that it couldn't hurt to introduce you to some guys on the team and help you make some friends. You weren't sure what to make of Nolan at first. He seemed so quiet and awkward that you thought your own quietness and awkwardness would make conversation impossible with such a knockout of a man. You wound up being horribly wrong, once again, but that time it was in a good way. Neither of you were really the super-outgoing party type, so whenever one or both of you started getting exhausted with the atmosphere you'd usually drift off into your own conversation in a quieter part of the room. As a result, he became a good friend incredibly fast. It seemed there was nothing you couldn't talk about with him, even though you still got nervous about certain things. Like your personal feelings for him. But that had never come up before, so you were safe. For now.

You knew he knew all about how hard the transition to Philly has been for you. How homesick you get, how you can't help but wonder if you made a mistake taking the job offer that brought you here (even though it was your dream job), and how you felt like it was hard to click with so many new people. Which was probably why he seemed so worried about you being alone tonight. He knew you felt alone most of the time anyway.

An hour and a half had gone by and you were starting to get worried about him. He only lived 20 minutes away, and even with the snow, it shouldn't take him that long unless he was stuck and just too proud to call you. It had given you time to call your mom, which you were grateful for and made you feel a lot better, but you couldn't ignore the knot in your stomach anymore. You were just about to hit "call" when you heard a knock at the door. Or more like a thump at the door.

You practically sprinted over to open it for the man-sized popsicle with his arms full of grocery bags standing on your doorstep. You paused for a second with your mouth hanging open, both amazed by the fact that he actually came over and by...him. The cold made his already pink cheeks bright red, and the snowflakes were sticking to his long eyelashes and the free locks of hair that didn't fit under his beanie. You had never seen anything more beautiful in your life.

"Can...can I come in?" Nolan's teeth chattered, snapping you back to reality.

"Oh, yeah, sorry! God, Nol, you're shivering!" you remark, ushering him through the door. Not that inside was that much warmer, but anything was better than being out there.

"It's cold," he laughs.

"Wow, AND he's meteorologist!" you quip back. "What can Nolan Patrick not do?"

Shaking his head, he made a beeline for your kitchen, looking for a place to set his bags down.

"Took me forever to find a place that was still open tonight," he muttered, pulling what looked in the dark like to-go boxes out of one of the bags. You shined your flashlight up to the ceiling to make it light the whole room as Nolan continued to pull items from his three bags. You just stood there, still dumbfounded by him.

"Pat... what's all this?" you manage to squeak out.

"This," he said, pointing to the to-go tubs, "is soup. I'm not completely sure what kind, but I figured soup would be the best thing no matter what. I didn't know if you had any crackers, so I brought some saltines. And some oranges because I knew you'd want something fruity and healthy and oranges are festive. And this," he pulled a thermos out of the second bag, "is hot chocolate. Made it myself." He grinned, sliding it towards you, obviously proud of himself. You could barely contain your own grin, feeling yourself blush. You were proud of him too.

"I saved the best for last," he continued once you took a sip of the cocoa. You frowned.

"What else could you possibly have brought?" you asked, genuinely astonished.

He looked you in the eyes and gave you a smirk. Holy hell. You were glad he probably couldn't see how pink your own cheeks were getting. The things he did to you and he didn't even know.

He carefully pulled a basket out of the last bag, and you could see it was full of a bunch of other things. You couldn't believe it.

"Nolan..." You trailed off, feeling the tears starting to well up again. Inside the basket were a bunch of little gifts with a note that read "For: y/n, From: Us". It had some of your favorite candies, one of those cheesy home-state-scented candles, a scarf with your home team's name and logo on it, and a tin of your favorite tea from a tiny local tea shop in your home town. You tried your best to fight the tears, but you weren't strong enough, rendered useless from your earlier fit.

"Nol-" You couldn't even finish your question before your own sob choked you. You set your thermos and flashlight down to bury your face in your hands.

"Hey, hey," Nolan whispered, pulling you into a hug. You wasted no time in hugging him back, squeezing him as you sobbed into his chest. "Shhhh, it's okay," he muttered to the top of your head. He slowly ran a hand up and down your back, rocking you back and forth. It only made you more emotional. He had never hugged you before, and you hadn't been hugged like this in what felt like years. You just wanted to stay there in his arms forever and ignore the world around you.

"It was a team effort," he continued. "Some of us thought you could use some things that remind you of home."

"Who...who found the tea?" you said into his chest, muffled by his sweater.

"What?" He smiled, pulling out of the hug a bit to let you speak up.

You wiped your face and took a breath. "Who found the tea?"

He pulled the rest of the way out of the hug, much to your disappointment. He leaned his head down, staring at the floor.

"That was me," he mumbled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. "I remembered you mentioning it, and it was hard to work out, but they agreed to send me some." Somehow, his voice kept getting lower and lower.

You could hardly believe your ears. He remembered that? You swore you had only mentioned it once in passing after you got a really disappointing chai from a coffee place down the street. You had no idea he had been paying attention. And he went to all the trouble of getting a store with a locals-only business model to ship a product long-distance. You started to wonder if.... No, you thought, don't get your hopes up again tonight.

You stared at him for another moment, trying to soak in the situation. He seemed surprised when you went back in for another hug.

"Thank you so much!" you whisper, knowing that if you said it any louder you'd start crying again. You could feel him relax into the hug and gave him a little squeeze before you ended it.

"Soup time?"

"Soup time." Nolan nodded, practically beaming.

You sat on the couch, eating as carefully as you could in the dark, though your eyes were getting pretty adjusted. From then on, it was conversation as usual. It came so naturally with him that even when you weren't saying anything, you were still happy. You exchanged stories about your favorite Christmases, what you thought the best cookies are, and weird things your families do during the holidays for hours, barely even noticing the time or the cold. At some point Nolan had pulled the blankets off the back of the couch and tossed them over both your laps. You didn't notice that you'd been getting closer and closer to him with every story until you laughed so hard you fell on his shoulder.

"Stop laughing!" He pouted, audibly trying to stifle his own laugh. "I almost got hypothermia. I could've died!"

"I can't...I can't!" you breathe between laughs. "You fell through the ice...but just one leg?!"

"Yeah, and I was stuck there on my side almost doing the splits between the ice and the water and my sister just stood there laughing. Just like you!" He nudged you, pretending to be annoyed. "But eventually she pulled me out and carried me back home. Couldn't move my leg for hours, it was just sticking straight out like..." He stuck his leg in the air, demonstrating, and only making you laugh harder. You could hardly breathe. You knew it probably felt funnier because of how exhausted you were, but you didn't care. Nolan had put a smile back on your face and back in your heart.

"Hey, Nolan?"

"Yeah?"

You swallowed. "I just... I'm not complaining that you're here, obviously, but... weren't you planning on spending tonight with Kevin and his family?"

"I was, but they've got each other, and someone else who's super special to me was sad and alone, which made me really sad to think about. You deserve to be happy and I wanted to help. Easiest decision I've ever made."

You really did not have it in you for another cry, so you settled for teasing him instead.

"That's really cheesy of you, softie."

"Take it while you can," he laughed.

"I know," you smiled.

Your eyes were starting to feel heavy and you let out a jaw-cracking yawn.

"Damn," Nolan remarked. You grunted in response, earning another laugh from him. "Wanna lay down?"

You nodded, leaning into his shoulder.

"You're warm," you sleepily drawl. You wanted to lay down, but you didn't want to get up to go to your bed. You wanted more snuggles, and right now you didn't care if he read into it or not.

He seemed to get the message, moving to lay down and taking you with him. He wrapped his arms around you after making sure the blankets covered you both as much as possible. You smiled contentedly, settling into your position and closing your eyes. You barely had time to contemplate how touchy he was being tonight compared to his normal reservations about hugs and touching before you were completely gone.

*****

Nolan woke up first the next morning. He was careful to move as little as possible to avoid waking you up. You looked so peaceful, curled up with your head on his chest. He felt his heart swell as you shifted to wrap your arms around his torso and fell back asleep within seconds. He smiled down at you, noticing how beautiful you were, even with your messy bedhead and your cheek squished against his chest. He wanted to stay in this moment forever. Just the two of you.

The power had come back on at some point during the night, so it was no longer freezing in the apartment, and the lights on your tiny tree had come on as well. He glanced back over to the kitchen to the basket on the counter. It had been embarrassing enough to admit to being the one who hunted down the tea like a police dog, so he left out the part about the whole gift basket being his idea in the first place. He would've bought you everything himself, but he wanted you to know that you had other friends, too, and that they wanted to show you that they were thinking of you. The scarf was Carter's idea, the candy TK's. Claude had suggested the candle, and being the local expert on how to be good to the woman he loved, Nolan took the advice and bought the candle as well. It did make him strangely jealous of your hometown in a way he couldn't quite explain. He was worried that you would be looking for any excuse to move back home, which he really didn't want. If it made you happy, then of course he'd support you, but he'd never felt for anyone the way he felt about you. The way you laugh, how passionate you get when you talk about something you care about, whether that's a person, a subject, a place, or what the best pizza topping is. He loved everything down to the way you word your sentences. He loved how much you loved.

He was awoken from his thoughts by you stirring and opening your eyes to look at him.

"Merry Christmas," you mumbled.

"Merry Christmas," he mumbled back.

You laid your head back down, enjoying the comforting rise and fall of his chest.

"You hungry? I can try and make you some breakfast. Emphasis on try," Nolan offered.

You laughed at the thought. "That'd be nice. But I don't wanna get up."

"Me neither," he sighed, tracing his thumb along your arm. He was not ready for when you suddenly shot off the couch, eyes manic and wide.

"Oh my god!" you shouted. "I didn't get you anything for Christmas! And you did all that last night!" You waved your hand at the kitchen. Nolan sat up, confused and cold, missing the weight of you on him.

"It's okay, y/n! I wasn't expecting anything."

"No, okay, I'm making you breakfast, and it's gonna be the best damn breakfast I've ever made. Lay back down," you insisted, marching off to the kitchen, wincing at the still-cold floor.

As nice as it sounded to stay under the warm blankets, Nolan didn't want to just sit there doing nothing. Suddenly he had an idea, even though it was a risky one. He decided it was a risk he needed to take eventually.

"Get out!" you playfully threatened, brandishing a spatula at him as he stepped into the kitchen. He put his hands up in mock surrender.

"I won't touch!"

"Good," you smirk, turning back to your pan.

Nolan shuffled around nervously, working up the courage to say what he wanted to. He swallowed and took a deep breath.

"I, uh...I have an idea for what you can give me. If you, uh, still want to give me something. Besides breakfast, I mean." Smooth, Patrick, he thought.

"What's that?" You met his gaze, making his stomach flip. The things you do to him and you have no idea.

"Maybe we can go out sometime? Like, just us. On purpose. To dinner or something?"

You looked like a deer caught in the headlights, making Nolan immediately second-guess himself. He bashfully broke your eye contact, focusing on the floor again. He felt the blush on his cheeks worsening.

"Are you... serious?" you ask, voice full of wonder.

"Of course I am!" he mumbled insistently. "Wouldn't ask if I wasn't."

You almost knocked him over with the force of your hug, a truly impressive feat.

"Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!!!" you laughed, not even bothering to play it cool. Nolan smiled so much it started to hurt, but he didn't care. He felt like he could take off and fly, he was so relieved. The weight of the world was replaced by the weight of you clinging to his shoulders. And he couldn't imagine a better way to spend his Christmas. Maybe, just maybe, he thought, Christmas would be like this forever from now on.

*****

You relaxed into Nolan's arms as he followed you back to the stove, hugging you from behind and resting his chin on your shoulder. Suddenly, you felt something more than the giddy high of getting asked out by your crush. You felt a sort of peace you hadn't felt since before you moved.

You were home for Christmas.

#red i hope you like it im sorry if it's weird or if im weird #nolan patrick imagine #hockey imagines #emma writes

185 notes · View notes

paintmearainbow · 4 years

Text

What Is Love ?

Love.

Love means different things to different people. Some people say love is making your partner happy and seeing them happy makes you happy . But love, is actually a figment of our imaginations. In a way, love is selfish and makes us lose our independence. You make the other person happy to keep yourself happy, and you become dependent and vulnerable. It's a somewhat like a shared dream. And until one person decides to wakeup, and that dream, albeit fun while it lasted, becomes a living nightmare

1 YEAR AGO

For Harry and y/n; sneaking out of premiers and award shows,buying tacos and eating them at 3 AM was love. For them, love was dancing in the kitchen to Elvis and baking with each other. Love was watching horror movies in makeshift tents, snacking on caramel popcorns and cans of soda; all while making fun of Harry's "those dumb bitches" in the movie. Love was falling asleep in each others arms and reading each other books. It was dressing up as Disney characters and acting out scenes from their favourite animations. It was etheral, perfect. Almost too perfect too be true

People always said "Love will fizzle out. One of you will get bored." Harry and y/n didn't listen. They burned so fast, so bright and didn't realise that their spark too, like all blazed and sparks from lighted matches, had extinguished. One second it was burning so brightly, and the next, it was gone

..............................................................................................

"When was the last time you spoke to him ?" asked y/n's sister.

" A week ago" a distraught y/n replied. "He barely has time to even talk to me on the phone, let alone show me the sights and explore the places with him via facetime"

For a brief moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes and all the memories flashed through her eyes, like a movie roll, playing over and over agai

FLASHBACK

"Y/N !" exclaimed Harry, the golden flecks in his eyes dancing with joy. Oh how she longed to see him, feel him and be with him in real life , rather than on a screen. Yet she was eternally grateful for Harry for never making her feel left out from the tour experience, he always made sure to show her around, even if it was only on a screen, while giving tour guide commentary in a horribly fake American accent.

"You're in for a treat ! We're going to see the Louvre today. Come on an enjoy the sited with Harry's Tour Experiences"

Y/n couldn't stop laughing.

Being an art fanatic, she giving Harry detailed descriptions of the art, while all he did was turn it inti a joke. His put on accent stood out when he kept saying " Oh shucks ! Here's another painting of a few women and men fighting and eating." He termed an entire style of art; renaissance art as "men and women barely dressed fighting and eating". He made a few sly comments on how y/n would look lovely in that dress. It was so wonderful and each of these virtual trips was marked with his signature end. Going to a park, and eating the same food.

His laughter was contagious and y/n loved it. She wondered how she got so lucky, so blessed to have hazza in her life.

She never thought that this love, would eventually fizzle.

end of flashback

Now she was lucky if he spoke to her for 5 minutes. Even those 5 minutes were filled with her talking and him showing least interest in what she had to say. She doubted whether he even listened.

Today, however was a low blow. It was y/n' bday. had it been any other year. Harry would've made this day perfect. They had been together since they were 18. The first year, he bought her 18 gifts on her birthday. The subsequent year, he got her 19 and so on. He would make her breakfast in bed and wake her up with showers of kisses and a "Good Morning, Happy Birthday Darling."

Today however, at 7 PM , she was yet to have him acknowledge that it was her birthday. She was yet to have any sign of news from him at all. She illusioned herself, thinking that maybe he had interviews to attend.

Her sister, however, tired with y/n's moping, said" You're coming over with your friends to Club 22 this night or else I wont speak to you. I don't want you to spend your birthday moping around"

With great difficulty, y/n was persuaded by her friends to go clubbing. The loud music, the drinks and the dim lights were never y/n's scene. Yet, for the sake of her friends, she fixed up a smile on her face and tried to enjoy, trying her best to forget than Harry's call still hadn't come.

.......

It was 10 PM and the party was in full swing. y/n's friends were drunk, so drunk. Everyone around her was laughing, drinking and joking. Meanwhile, a new disturbing thought had settled in y/n's head. What if he got into and accident ? What if he's really sick ? She was ridden with anxiety and couldn't get Harry off her mind, until that one fateful message from Nezza, her best friend, Harry's PA, through whom they had met, sent her that message. When y/n's phone lit up and she scarmbled to see the text, hoping it was Harry, she did not know it would change her life permanently.

The text was simple. "I'm so so sorry honey; you deserve to know" It was attached with a single file of pictures.

She subconciously knew what had happened. She had seen all the signs, yet chose to ignore them, not wanting to get up from her dream. The reduced duration of phone calls ultimately leading up to a call a month, the regular excuses, coming home late, half hearted kisses, they all added up. For a split second, y/n wanted to think that it was something else; maybe harry was too drunk or had passed out in a bar.

The message to forever to download. It was so slow and painfully excruciating. It was like the calm before the storm. The slow before the fast. The light drizzle before the thunderstorm. When the picture finally loaded; her heart shattered ever so fast. The pain she felt was numbing, yet somewhere in her mind, she was gald that Harry was safe.

There was Harry, his arm around the small waist of the redhead, his fingers entwined in hers. The same fingers which ran through y/n's hair multiple times, were now woven in another's hand. She thought her heart couldnt break more.

Fate was not kind to y/n.

She swiped to see the next picture, and she wasn't sure how, or whether it was even possible, but her heart further broke. Harry was kissing her in the booth, their booth, in Alessandro's the place he had her first date with y/n.

Fate had evil plans for y/n.

Tears streaming down her face, the makeup for the night ruined, y/n looked around for her sister and friends but they were nowhere to be seen. The only thing glowing right now was her glitzy dress, the one she had been forced into. Unable to take it anymore, she ordered an uber and left.

Fate wasn't kind to y/n at all

The minute she left the club, she was blinded with lights, the flashes from the camera, and the shouts from the reporters

" How do you feel about Harry cheating on you on tour ?"

"Did you expect this ? How do you react to Harry kissing a supermodel, younger than you!"

Y/n wanted to scream, but keeping her emotions in she pushed through the sea of people, got into her uber, gave her address and broke down.

She cried and cried. The uber driver tried to ask her what was wrong but she couldn't stop crying. she wanted the pain to go away. she wanted to cry. But most of all, she wanted Harry to tell her that it wasn't true and hold her in his arms and tell her it's alright.

But it wasn't. it wasn't alright. Far from it.

The next morning after an extremly broken sleep, y/n awoke. All the event's from last night wre remembered and her eyes started to water again. She switched on her phone to see the hashtag #y/ndeservesbetter and #harryandy/nareover trending. She also so 100 missed calls, voicemails and texts from Harry but chose to ignore them.

Y/n was raised to be strong. She spent most of childhood see her mom struggle to make meets end. She had seen the worst. She was strong. She went over to the mirror and saw her reflection and realised that she looked a mess. She took 3 deep breaths, washed her face, and masked her emotions, just as she did way back in high school, before she met Harry, before he changed her.

She went down and suddenly the apartment door opened. There stood the man who she loved, the man who had broken her heart, the one who still held her heart, no matter how broken it was.

He pleaded with her to forgive him. He begged, cried, said it was a one time mistake, and he regretted it, that he loved her; but y/n turned a deaf ear to his pleas. Their love had fizzled out, and she was blinded by affection not to realise it earlier. And as the saying goes " Once a cheater, always a cheater." Y/n wasn't taking any more risks. She put on a strong facade, made up her mind and left, leaving a crying Harry on the porch.

She wasn't over him, far from it. She was so broken, yet showed no signs. She had calm expresssion, yet her thoughts were chaotic. But she knew what was best and she knew this was the right thing to do. She had to take the lessons from this experience and move on, just like her mother had taught her. Dreams end, no matter how amazing it is, no matter how much you want to hold on and live it, and this, her perfect dream, had also come to an end.

So, what is love ?

A dream ? A nightmare ? Soemthing too good to be true?

Maybe all it is, is an illusion. A fairytale. Or maybe it is the truth, because truth teaches us lessons and so does love. i guess it's one of those things which just has no answers.

author's note

AND THATS A WRAP. I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING. it's something which definitely shouldnt be forgive . this the first ever imagine I've posted on my new tumblr. Please send feedback. Hope you enjoyed it. Reblog. What are your thoughts? i would love to hear them. Send requests for more imagines.

i should be studying but eh.

keep dreaming

ashu.

(here's a random B99 gif for no reason)

8 notes · View notes

raging-violets · 5 years

Text

Fictober 2019 // Day 1

Prompt Number: #1, “It will be fun, trust me”

Fandom: Big Time Rush

Rating: T, for swearing I guess

Warning: None

A/N: October first is Kendall Knight’s and Riley Jackson’s wedding anniversary and every year I do something on October 1st. The first time I celebrated I did a one-shot of their wedding day. Two years ago was my fic Give Your Heart A Break. I forgot to do one last year, saw this prompt list and decided to do it for this year. So here’s prompt 1! This gif really doesn’t go with it, but here you go.

@dancerdramatic14 @foxesandmagic

"It will be fun, trust me."

Kendall's nose scrunched when he heard the words repeated in his head. Couldn't help but let out a slight, grunting sigh as he took a sharp turn to the right and continued trekking along. Reaching out his hand, he pressed his fingertips to the stalks of corn he passed by, wondering if there really was truth to the idea that you'd always find your way out of a maze if you kept your hand along a wall.

Another huff, this time from behind him and much, much more irritated. There was more than enough annoyance going around, his own calm and cool demeanor slowly cracking, he didn't need to hear it from behind him either. Especially not when he knew there was a very good chance it was going to be followed by,

"It will be fun, trust me," in a high-pitched, mocking tone from right behind him.

Kendall's shoulders pinched, before slumping. He reached behind him to wipe away the line of sweat on the back of his neck, though he wasn't quite sure if it was his girlfriend's glaring at him or the unnatural heat of the fall day that was making him sweat. It very easily could've been either.

"Mate, walking through fields of corn wasn't a fun idea when you first pitched it to me," Riley continued to gripe, arms folded tightly across her chest as she followed him. "Or the second, or third. And somehow, Hockey-Head, you managed to convince me. When's the fun going to start?"

Kendall turned, walking backwards, holding his arms out to the sides so that he could flash a wide smile at her. "This isn't fun to you?" He asked. "The fresh air, the changing leaves, the hay rides." He took in a deep breath, making his chest swell. "Isn't it great?"

"Ace," she said sarcastically, twirling her finger in the air. "Bonzer even." His shoulders slumped, but he wasn't going to give up yet. He stopped walking and reached his hand out toward her. Riley took it in hers, letting out a quiet sigh when he pulled her toward him and put his arm around her shoulders. She looped her arm around his waist, looking up at him. Her eyebrows pinched together, a thought suddenly striking her. "'It reminds you of home, doesn't it?"

Kendall did his best not to let it show just how homesick he was. California was great, it being summer weather almost all the time was something he enjoyed. And something that Riley greatly enjoyed, being from Australia, summer was her favorite season. But nothing beat a Minnesota fall. As much as he loved hockey and was used to the cold, winter wasn't quite his favorite season.

Fall had everything; hiking, running, apple picking, leaf picking, football, hot-air balloon rides—Gustavo and Kelly put the kibosh on that one as soon as Kendall brought it up as a date he as planning on taking Riley on.

"If I can't trust you dogs when I'm taking you on a simple walk, how can I trust you in a hot air balloon?"

And it reminded him of everything he used to do wit his family and friends, baking pies, drinking hot apple cider on colder nights, carving pumpkins to try and scare Katie—she was never that impressed, going to haunted houses, watching scary movies and screaming so loud that his mother could hear all the way over at the diner. Making nice presents at school to surprise her with when she got home from late nights.

But, most importantly, it reminded him of when he didn't have so much pressure on him. Didn't have fans to impress, didn't have a record company breathing down his neck, didn't have to beat out album after album, didn't have a crazed lunatic making strange decisions for the direction their band was going. He just had…hockey players throwing themselves at him.

"I'm being a bit of a drag, aren't I?" She asked, voice lowering to a murmur. He could see in her eyes, the disappointment at herself for her attitude for the day. She understood how hard it was being far from home. And knew it was probably hurting more than he let on for making fun of it all.

"I didn't notice," Kendall lied, widening his eyes innocently. "Not much more than usual." He laughed when Riley punched him hard on the arm. Hard enough to feel it, but he barely moved. "Even Katie can punch harder than that."

"Katie bloody may as well be Dean Ambrose in a wig with how vicious she is," Riley shot back. She lifted her chin. "But if this means so much to you, I reckon I can be a better date, yeah?. We can pick apples, and carve pumpkins, and sit by the fire, and do all that other romantic crap."

Kendall gave a laugh, pressing a kiss to the side of her head then tipped her head up to kiss her lips. As if he didn't know she was excited at the idea of a curling up by a nice, warm fire, being able to take time out of their busy tour schedules to really spend some time together. The bright smile on her face said as much.

Suddenly, there was a loud, squealy wail that filled the air. Starting off quiet then rushing by them in the lane nearby, stalks of corn falling this way and that as they were broken. Riley lifted an eyebrow turning to her boyfriend to ask, "What's that?"

Kendall listened for a second. "Carlos," he said, matter of fact. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "Oh…now I remember…he hates corn mazes." Just the year before they'd scared him half to death with bloody hockey masks and darkened mazes when they went to Minnesota for the holiday season. He didn't think Carlos would take it so bad. Then again, he did order Zom-B-Gone off TV.

"Why?" Riley snarked. "Because they're not made of candy?"

Kendall laughed.

They continued walking along, making no progress. Finally, Kendall turned to Riley and said, "I hate to give up, but, I think we should ask for help."

"Or we could stay stranded," Riley offered. She gestured with her arm. "Now that Carlos has stopped screaming, I think I can enjoy the ambiance and the romance."

Kendall lifted an eyebrow. "Stay stranded?" He asked. "And do what?" A cry escaped his lips as his legs were suddenly swiped from beneath him and he fell to the ground. Grinning, Riley leaned over him. He rolled his eyes. Should've known she was going to get back at me for that crack about Katie. Instead of laughing at him, like he expected, Riley simply said, "We'll think of something," then kissed him.

#ocappreciation #fictober19 #kiley #kendall knight #oc: riley jackson #btr #big time rush #prompt 1 #prompt #by: riley #not my best #but i still like it

10 notes · View notes

awed-frog · 7 years

Note

I know you said you'll still follow the show, reblog gifs, and finish the dcbb you're working on this year, but ahhh - I'm going to miss reading paragraphs and paragraphs of your detailed analysis! You're my favourite meta-writer, and I really looked forward to reading your opinions after each episode :) Although you probably won't be super active in this fandom, will you still write deancas fic in the future? Just for fun?

Hi, sorry I left this for a few days. Your message really cheered me up in a period that’s been hard for me - mostly for family issues, so thank you - thank you so much for all this.

As for my projects - the truth is, I don’t know what I want to do, and how I feel about it all.

[Putting the rest of this under a cut because there’s some negativity there - the tl;dr version is, yes, I’ll keep writing fiction for now and I’m hoping to post the next big project in a couple of weeks or so.]

Right now I feel let down, mostly, and as I said, part of it has to with myself and who I am as a person (someone who gets in too deep and 100%, and that’s not necessarily good), but I’ve also been around long enough to be sure that part of it is the show itself. What mostly annoys me as a meta writer is the fact Supernatural won’t own up to the subtext it is so clearly embedding in its narrative. Some people still feel optimistic, and that’s great, but let’s remember that what they’re doing right now - that’s a pattern. We got to the point where their whole season arc doesn’t make sense without Destiel (that’s basically what happened with Amara), and their mirrors are so precise they’re basically blinding you (still not over that Colette thing), and yet at the end of the season, nothing happens and nothing has changed. I mean, even with all the goodwill in the world, it’s getting harder and harder for me to believe TPTB will act any different from all the others who’ve been there before (and here I’m thinking mostly about Merlin and Sherlock) - they saw there was something happening there, for whatever reason, or maybe they pushed it from the start, I don’t know, but at some point they decided that yeah, why not keep it going - but the truth is, they never meant to go through with it, because that’s not how it works - because bi people are not a thing, because your gay characters must be openly gay from the start, because a story about a gay man must have something to do with AIDS or whatever, because you can’t trick people into watching a vampire story and then BAM, surprise, motherfucker, it was actually a gay romance all along, because the most they can do is two people holding hands in the very last scene and nobody would be happy with that, so why bother?

I’ve tried to force myself, for years, to believe there was no malice there, no sheer exploitation of people’s hunger for representaton, but I don’t know if I can anymore. If you look at the last two seasons, the pattern is exactly what it’s been for the previous seven: a lot of subtext (sometimes stretching credibility), a lot of double speak and scenes that could be interpreted either way, incredibly romantic moments followed or preceded by stupid and/or out of character #NoHomo stuff, and, mostly, no textual confirmation of any kind that something is actually going on. Which, frankly, enough.

And it’s not about Destiel, either. I would be okay with this obsession to keep the show only about Sam and Dean if they actually told me what’s going on with them, because they’re such complex and interesting characters and I would love to spend more time with them, but really, it’s hit and miss there. For instance, during this season I have learned nothing new about Sam, and I’m not any closer to understanding who he is and what he wants. As for Dean, 90% of his character development happened in the season finale - while the work of deconstructing performing!Dean has been majestic at times, it often felt like an afterthought. And how is it possible that we barely heard them talk to each other about this extraordinary thing that’s happened to them? Your mother coming back from the dead - you’d think that would be the focus of, I don’t know, everything? - but, again, I’m not much closer to understanding what’s going on there than I was before. As for Mary herself, she never made much sense to me as a character (apparently the fact Sam was a vessel for Lucifer and John wasn’t exactly nice to his kids was still news for her after one full year? like, uh?) and I still don’t understand, exactly, what it is they wanted to do with her. Other times, the message was clear but the way they got there didn’t work for me - for instance, Crowley’s death was hurried and weird, and that whole Claire episode proved the very thing Claire was trying to disprove (ie, that no, she wasn’t ready to work on her own) and yet the final scene ignored basically everything that had happened in the previous forty minutes and just went with it.

So, you see, there’s plenty of big and little things like that I’m annoyed about - and I get some of them have to do with the limitations of filiming a TV show (stuff about budget and whatever else I know nothing about), but when you see other episodes, well-made episodes, you realize they know how to do the thing and just don’t want to.

Sometimes I think Supernatural, like Destiel, was never supposed to be a thing. This is not Game of Thrones or Westworld or True Detective - it’s not something they created to win awards and have people hold on to their souls for dear life and question their entire existences. It’s just - entertainment. It’s what the CW does, right? I don’t want to be snobby, but they didn’t make The Vampire Diaries or Beauty and the Beast or Gossip Girl so they could change the world (I sort of enjoyed all of those, so again - I’m not saying they’re bad shows - at all). Those are simply things that sell - stories featuring incredibly good-looking people doing reckless things, living on the edge and helping you take your mind off your mean teacher or annoying dad. That’s it. It’s all it is. The fact Supernatural became more than that, and came to mean so much to so many people - that was probably a perfect storm of things - Kripke’s was a story about the American Dream that came at just the right moment, the cast (in my opinion, especially Jensen) is really talented, the writers mostly know what they’re doing and so on. This is why I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that those episodes I don’t like - those are the norm. The masterpieces - they’re accidental - and not in the sense people don’t work hard on them, but in the sense the show was never supposed to be like that.

So, I truly don’t know. I enjoy writing metas, and I’m slowly getting over the colossal disappointment that was the season finale, so, who knows - maybe by the time S13 airs, I’ll decide to go back to it. I don’t know. When I wrote that last meta, I was very emotional and absolutely furious, but feelings fade and change. What I will stop expecting, though, is for the narrative to follow any rules when they’re clearly trying to break them - and not in a good way. For instance, it truly made no narrative sense for Eileen to die, and it made no narrative sense for Toni to have a kid at all (or that she’d extract information from Sam by dream-raping him), or for Sam to break into that emotional King Arthur speech, or for Cas to die the way he did - and yet. So if I do start to write metas again, I’ll try to be more light-hearted about it and allow for ‘whateverness’, because apparently this is what we’re getting.

As for writing - I’ll always be grateful to this show and to the fandom for giving me my will to write back. I’m the kind of person who’s been working on a novel or a collection of short story or whatever else since primary school, but the last few years have been busy and adult and on and off traumatic, so I’d stopped completely, and this - this not writing, this living in a finite world, this drowning out of the voices in my head - this made me ache and shatter somewhere in my very soul. Writing stories again and getting feedback on them has been a joyful, liberating, crucial experience for me, and it has really helped me to make sense of myself as a person again. Plus, I really love these characters and feel there are so many things left unsaid - at this point, I couldn’t bear to leave them behind. My plans are to keep writing at least until the next DCBB, but if Supernatural will really finish in a season and a half, it’s possible I’ll keep posting the occasional coda during S13 and S14 as well. At the moment, I’m working on three big things - I think I’ll manage to finish them, and I truly hope you’ll like them, because, really - the friends I’ve made in the fandom, the messages I exchange with those who read my stories, all those taking the time to let me know they’ve kept reading all night long or something - it’s been so deep, so intimate and world-changing - a moving, incredible experience. I owe you guys so much, and that’s something I’ll not easily forget.

So, well, sorry for the novel - I guess I just wanted to say - I’m not leaving this story behind yet. I’ll just try to care a bit less and focus more on other things, but I’ll be around. Family don’t end with blood, and all that.

#ask #spn season 12 #negativity for ts #spn meta #destiel fanfiction #i hope this makes sense?#it's the kind of thing #that makes sense in my own mind #but it's difficult to put down in words

21 notes · View notes