#and i've never been trained the only reason i'm not bad is because i 'practice' literally every single fucking day

[zincbot]

an unfortunate fact about me is i just want to be singing all the time

#i can not express how important singing is to me #it's an autism thing (singing is literally my top 1 stim forever. the need to do it gets crazy esp when i'm having an overwhelming day) #it's a family thing (connects me to my dad and grandfather) #it's a I WORKED ON THIS thing. like i'm not a good singer BUT I'M NOT BAD EITHER. #and i've never been trained the only reason i'm not bad is because i 'practice' literally every single fucking day #practice is a strong word cause i don't know what i'm doing. but i sure do sing #its a trans thing. #i just. if i could live in a world where nobody minded my noise. and my throat didn't get sore. i don't think i wld ever stop #i wanna make music really bad but i have no ideas for melodies and beats ever all my songs are unfinished and scraps #but i've never really connected to any part of making music other than singing anyway rip #my dream is to get paid to cover things all day long maybe lol #i do love doing va stuff i hope i can get back to doing that soon #but singing man. ugh #i want to do karaoke with my friends more than life

[cantwritethetword]

That's Cheating

Fic Descript: During a training session, it's revealed that Miles is ticklish. Pavitr thoroughly enjoys the experience, and just when Miles thought it couldn't get worse, Miguel decides he wants to wrestle him. Surely Miguel wouldn't use Miles' weakness against him, right?

~ A/N - My first ever Into/Across The SpiderVerse fic !!!!

I absolutely adored these guys when they came on screen, and I finally have the fic idea to do their group dynamic justice!

By the way, this is also absolutely me being super self indulgent sdjsklhfkls cause I've had this whole scenario running around my head any time I'm training with these 3 specific people and it KILLS ME so I need to get it on paper lmao I'm so lee for so many of my wrestling friends it's not even funny jsdfhdfjhafk.

ALSO QUICK WARNING THIS IS A LONG ONE SDJHLKSDHAFLK ALL THE ONES WHERE I PUT ALL MY LITTLE LEE THOUGHTS INTO END UP SO FUCKING LONG LMAO APOLOGIES FAM IT'S LIKE ALMOST 3K

I hope it's good!

Enoy! ~

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Miles never turned down the chance to train with his fellow spider people. Since he first walked through the doors an was offered the chance to practice, Miles had grabbed the opportunity with both fists.

Not just because it was one of the few places he could properly use his skills and abilities to their full potential (without risking revealing himself as spiderman or injuring a civilian in the process), but there was something about training at the spider society headquarters that gave him almost limitless energy.

He wasn't sure how much of that energy was adrenaline, how much was power from the spider bite, or how much was just because he loved spending time with his favourite people.

But no matter the reason, this little quirk of his enabled him to continue sparring round after round when most would need a few minutes of reprieve between sets. And he would be lying if he said it didn't give him a little mood boost when the other spider people commented on his incredible stamina.

"Ugh, Miles do you ever get tired?" Pavitr groaned as he managed to flip Miles onto his back and clamber on top of the kid, pinning him to the ground. "We've been at this for like ten minutes straight!"

Miles grinned, his arms pushing against Pavitr's knees that were currently either side of his ribs to wriggle himself out. "You giving up already?"

"No way." Pavitr grunted, as Miles's movements had almost made him topple. "But I'll take a rest while you figure this out."

Pavitr, the asshole, decided to take this moment to shoot webs onto Miles's wrists - sticking them to the floor next to Mile's sides. Straining against the webs, Miles silently thanked the fact that it was Pavitr he was with. If this were an actual fight, Miles knew his face would currently be a punching bag.

But just because Pavitr wasn't going to injure him, it didn't mean there wasn't a threat.

"Come on Miles! Get out!" Pavitr teased, poking Mile's unprotected forehead.

The kid shook his head to try and get rid of Pavitr's annoying fingers.

Bad idea.

In the process of protecting his forehead, Miles had encouraged his friend to move his poking elsewhere. And it only took a few prods to Mile's neck for him to break into giggles.

"Agh- Pahahav-" Miles squeaked out before he could stop himself.

Pavitr stopped, an amazed grin across his face. "What was that?"

Miles froze for a second, realising just how severely his body had just betrayed him, before starting to thrash a little more desperately against the webbing trapping his hands.

"Are you ticklish?" Pavitr questioned with a teasy smirk, poking Miles's neck another few times.

"NO-!" Miles grunted, using every inch of willpower in his body to resist the laughter bubbling in his chest. "Don't!"

Completely ignoring Miles's pleads, Pavitr moved his prodding fingers down to Miles's collarbones.

And that was where the kid cracked.

"NOhohoho!" Miles squealed, shoulders trying their best to scrunch up and protect himself. "Pahahav stohohop!"

Pavitr beamed, absolutely ecstatic at his newfound discovery. "Oh my god, you are ticklish!"

"Shhhh!" Miles begged through his giggles, giving up on resisting his own reactions and focusing his efforts on preventing his ticklishness from becoming the newest piece of gossip.

"Why?" Pavitr laughed. "You're the one who's making all the nois-"

"What's this?" A voice chuckled from behind the two.

Pavitr paused his attack, and - after recognising who it was - Miles breathed a sigh of relief. Both because he could finally actually breathe again, and because the voice came from his old mentor - someone who already knew how ridiculously ticklish he was and hadn't told a soul.

Peter B, clearly having just finished a spar with someone by the looks of his flushed face and sweaty t-shirt, made his way to kneel down next to the pair before chuckling again.

"Ah, I see you've found Miles's little weakness."

Pavitr let out an indignant noise. "You already knew about this?!? And you didn't tell us?"

Peter shrugged. "Figured you guys would find out eventually, he's too ticklish to hide it for long."

"Peter!" Miles groaned. "Guys can we not talk about this right now!"

With a grin, Pavitr turned back to Miles. "Oh we can stop talking if you'd like..."

Before Miles could realise what Pavitr meant, ten fingers began tapping against the front of his ribs, and he was once again sent into a helpless fit of giggles.

"NOnononono Pahav people ahare gonna see!"

"Who would see?" Pavitr laughed. "It's just us over here; you, me and Peter."

"Plus Miguel, somewhere..." Peter added, looking around them for his friend. "But I doubt he's listening to your little situation kid, he's probably off doing Miguel things, as Miguel does."

Half expecting a beetlejuice moment at the three mentions of the guy's name, Miles flicked his eyes around the room (as best as he could - he was still pinned on his back) to try and spot Miguel. Thankfully, it seemed the slightly intimidating spiderman was too busy helping another pair of spiders with their match on the other side of the room.

"See!" Pavitr continued, digging a little harder into Miles's ribs. "Nothing to be worried about buddy!"

"IHIHIT'S STIHIHILL CHEHEATING!" Miles whined through his laughter, somehow managing to swallow the scream that almost burst out of his mouth at the sensation of Pavitr clawing into his sides.

"Ehhhhh..." Peter tilted his head with a grimace on his face. "Technically it's not, there's no specific rules against it."

Miles shook his head violently. "IHIHIT'S CHEHEHEATING!"

"You having so. much. energy. is what's cheating!" Pavitr responded, poking to emphasise his words. "But fine, let's ask Miguel."

Miles's eyes went wide, and his laughter turned to desperate begging. He couldn't possibly live through the sheer embarrassment of giggling like a child in front of someone as stone-faced and important as Miguel.

But no matter how many 'no's the kid strung together in rapid succession - a rather impressive display of his lung capacity to be completely honest - his pleading was fruitless, as Pavitr had already waved down Miguel, and the man was making his way over.

Thankfully there were a few seconds of rest until Miguel arrived that were completely tickle-free, so Miles had a chance to somewhat compose himself. Still, he knew that he would need much longer to reduce the redness his face had taken on in the last few minutes of torture.

"Yes?" Miguel said as he knelt down, one eyebrow slightly raised at the position the two boys were currently in.

"Is tickling illegal?" Pavitr asked genuinely, much to Miles's surprise. He was expecting some kind of teasy grin shot in his direction, but it seemed Pav was just as interested in Miguel's answer as he was in taking Miles apart at his fingers. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad.

Even more to Miles's surprise was the quiet chuckle that escaped Miguel's mouth.

"Technically not, why?" Miguel responded, a small (but definitely present) grin on his face.

"Oh no reason..." Pavitr smirked at Miles (who was quickly realising he spoke too soon about how easy this interaction would be). "Just that I found out Miles was ticklish and wanted to try and see if he would submit because of it."

Miles could feel his face flush even redder than before, and he couldn't even cover his cheeks cause his damn hands were still stuck. So he resorted to rolling his eyes above his head to avoid looking at anyone for the remainder of the conversation.

Miguel once again let out a breathy chuckle. "Well, I haven't seen it happen before, and we're about to finish up the official training session... But we can always find out later."

That last comment snapped Miles's face back into Miguel's line of vision.

And, if this whole situation wasn't already flustered enough, Miles could have sworn Miguel winked as he stood up and called out to everyone to finish their current drill and pack up.

After chatting for a few moments with some of the other spider people, Miles watched as most of the group cleared from the gym. Aside from Miguel and Peter (who were practicing something on one side of the mats), the gym was practically empty.

Which made the sound of thudding feet all the more terrifying coming his way.

Miles yelped as someone tackled him to the floor and climbed on top of his hips.

"You didn't think we were finished, did you?" Pavitr grinned down at his friend, before digging his thumbs into the pocket right above Miles's hips.

"NOHOHO PAHAHAV!" Miles shrieked, caught so off guard he couldn't have stopped himself if he tried.

Pavitr laughed. "Glad we're on the same page then!"

"Stohohop ihihit!" The kid giggled, pushing at Pav's wrists - a much easier feat now that his hands weren't spider-webbed to the floor (but still not quite easy enough to push Pav's hands away).

With Miles now being able to fight back, there was actually a fight to be had. Still a very one-sided fight, but enough of a back-and-forth match to eat at Pavitr's strength.

And Pavitr's energy drained far quicker than Miles's did.

Keeping a very wriggly Miles consistently trapped and tickled was quite the challenge for India's favourite spiderman, so most of Pavitr's efforts were concentrated on Miles's hips. Certainly his hips were effective, but the hope of escape kept Miles going just long enough that Pavitr's teasy smirk started to fade into an open-mouthed grin (for maximum oxygen intake).

By the time Miles's breathing was wheezy, Pavitr sounded just as exhausted. Both boys were drenched in sweat, and neither were sure where their own ended and the other's began. Pavitr's thumbs slowed, and Miles was finally able to push those troublesome fingers away from his sensitive hips with one final residual giggle.

Letting himself breathe for a moment, Pavitr gave Miles's shoulder a friendly pat. "Damn you put up a good fight, I'm dead after that!"

Miles chuckled and nodded in agreement, still a little woozy from the post-tickle haze.

"You up for some food?" Pav asked, standing up and offering to help Miles to his feet.

"Sounds gr-" Miles began.

"Actually," Miguel interrupted the pair, making Miles freeze for a moment.

How long had he been watching them?? Had he seen Miles get absolutely wrecked?? Oh god, would Miguel ever take him seriously again after that??

Miguel continued. "Miles, want to have a round?"

That was definitely not the direction Miles thought this conversation was going. Thank god, Miguel must have only just finished with Peter. And now that he was looking, Miles could see a (somehow even more) sweaty Peter gathering his stuff and heading out of the gym.

Perfect. Miguel hadn't seen a thing.

Miles nodded, slightly intimidated with the idea of attempting to wrestle someone as experienced as Miguel, but keen to try (and perhaps get a little closer to the reserved leader of the Spider Society).

"Excellent." Miguel gave a small nod, and positioned himself in the centre of the mat.

"Well, good luck." Pavitr smiled, clapping Miles on the back before heading out towards the cafeteria.

Miles took a breath, calming his racing thoughts and tired lungs, before moving to face Miguel.

The pair moved slowly to start, attempting a few takedowns and swings at each other but not fully committing to any, before Miguel swiftly spun to the floor and knocked Miles straight off his feet.

God it was frustrating that Miguel could do that with so much control that it almost seemed to happen in slow motion.

Without even letting himself catch his breath on the floor, Miles tried to scramble to a crouched position, but Miguel was either too quick or predicted his movements too well.

One moment he was almost to his feet, the next Miles was flat on his back with the side of Miguel's chest pressing against the front of his. One of his arms was trapped at an outward angle by Miguel's hand, but Miles couldn't quite see what was going on past that with Miguel's back in the way.

Then Miles tensed.

A soft but unmistakably sharp sensation was gently tapping at his side, enough to fill Miles's chest with tickly anticipation but not so much that he was convinced that was what was happening.

Surely not. Surely Miguel was far too mature for something as childish as tickling.

Still, as Miles struggled to escape Miguel's hold, he struggled even more to contain the laughter threatening to spill out of his mouth at the tickly sensations radiating from his side.

"Mihi- Miguehel?" Miles strained, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

Miguel chuckled, and spoke with possibly the teasiest voice Miles had ever heard come out of his mouth. "What's the matter?"

Oooh that motherfucker. Miguel knew exactly what was happening, Miles could feel the smirk radiating off Miguel's face. And somehow that made it significantly harder for the poor kid to control himself.

"Whahat- Wahait- Mihiguehel-" Miles stuttered, giggles already peppering every word he spoke.

"Pavitr wasn't kidding..." Miguel hummed, his claws switching from tapping with all four talons to scratching a single finger up and down every-so-gently. "You really are ticklish."

Miles whined (though it came out sounding more like a laugh), his hips trying to squirm away from the tortuous feeling. "No, noho no no Miguehel plehease-"

"And I was curious what he was saying about submitting you just by tickling..." He continued, bringing back the rest of his hand to softly claw against Miles's lowest ribs.

Even that gentle sensation brought Miles almost to the brink, his eyes practically popped out of his head and a stream of uncontrollable giggles flooded from his mouth. How the hell was it already tickling this badly??

"Mihihi- Mihihgue- Nohoho stohohop!"

"Huh." Miguel chuckled again, god that sent shivers down Miles's spine every time it happened (which really wasn't helping). "Already that bad? What about if I do this?"

The agonisingly slow clawing turned to full-handed squeezing up and down the soft part of Miles's side, and Miles shrieked. As if waking a sleeper agent, his brain seemed to suddenly (and conveniently) remember he had two arms - and only one was stuck. Half punching his opponent in desperation, Miles thudded his free hand against Miguel's back to try and push himself out.

"NOHOHOHO MIHIHIGUEHEHEL PLEHEHEASE!" He begged, legs kicking wildly without reason or result. "STOHOHOP!"

Miguel paused, lifting his head and turning it as much as he could towards Miles (only being able to see the kid from the corner of his eye). "Is that you tapping out?"

Whilst momentarily catching his breath, Miles paused. On one hand, he was rather close to death, and wasn't sure how much more of Miguel's teasing he could handle. But on the other, there was something almost precious about seeing such a weirdly personal side of the stoic man. Should he submit, and cease the frankly torturous situation he had found himself in, or should he push onwards, hoping Miguel would eventually show mercy if Miles actually needed him to (though at this stage, it was hard to say he wasn't slightly enjoying the playful interaction).

Eh, Miles was always a stubborn kid. And he was proud of it.

"Nohohope!" He shook his head, bracing himself.

Miguel gave a surprised scoff. "You really do have a ridiculous amount of stamina, huh."

Miles tried to grin cockily, though even he knew it probably looked more like a nervous invitation for Miguel to continue.

And continue he did.

Like a switch had flipped, Miguel launched his clawed hand into a rapid tickle-assault against Miles's entire torso. Within seconds, every inch of the kid's sides, ribs, stomach, and hips had been poked and squeezed and vibrated against before Miles even had the chance to react. The sudden zero-to-a-hundred spike of intensity caught the younger superhero completely off-guard, making him squeal at a pitch he genuinely didn't think he could each anymore.

"NOHOHOHO MIHIHIGUEHEHEL!" Miles cackled, twisting and writhing under his attacker.

Miguel gave a surprised laugh at the increased movement. "Hey, you asked for it kid, not my problem."

"NONONONO IHI CAHAHAN'T!"

"Ok, Ok..." Miguel playfully rolled his eyes, not that Miles could see (or really pay attention), and released the kid from his grip.

Miles flopped both arms over his face, covering his burning cheeks, and laid there for a few moments panting. Miguel chuckled, reaching to give the kid a few sympathetic pats at whatever body part was closest to him.

Seeing a hand move out of the corner of his eye, in the general direction of his stomach, Miles yelped and curled away from it in a mess of giggles. "Nonono plehease, I'm dohohone!"

Giving the final laugh of the interaction, Miguel grinned at the kid. "So there is a way to tire you out... I'll keep that in mind."

#crow's tickle fic #across the spiderverse tickle fic

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Reader - Try Me Part 3/6

Summary - A six part series where reader is a very passionate football player and Ruben is her new and equally passionate football coach. However, the two of them can't seem to get along.

Enjoy!

Ruben led the team out of the summer cup group stage on top, with zero losses, collecting every single point avaliable. Entering the knock off stages he trained the team accordingly, making you work as if victory was inevitably yours. He kept his promise too. You were never benched for something irrational again, like your bad attitude towards him. Maybe because your attitude towards Ruben changed completely during the course of the summer. In fact, you found it hard to even look him in the eyes these days. At least without getting caught slipping. Your gaze usually faltered to the center of his tracksuit, imagining what lay beneath. A dinosaur, a dragon, a beast?

Whatever he called it, it had you biting the corner of your lip and holding your stomach to mend the gut wrenching feeling that followed your sinful thoughts.

"Y/N?"

Sarah, your teammate, had you snap out of your locker room fantasies.

"Huh?"

"Ruben wants you."

You had been avoiding one on one's with him for this exact reason, for the discomfort in your gut whenever he met your eye. What if he caught you staring? Staring at his...his...giant dinosaur."

"My what?"

Ruben stood waiting for you on the field, a fooball tucked underneath his arm.

"Huh?"

You hadn't noticed your feet carrying you out of the locker room and onto the pitch. One second you were there, the next you were standing before Ruben, who looked down on you with a crooked smile on his lips.

"You said something about my giant dinosaur?"

"No, I didn't." Instat heat warmed your cheeks.

"I know what I heard." He chuckled.

"Yes well..." You cleard your throat. "You did hear me say giant dinosaur, yes. But I wasn't talking about you."

"No?"

"Of course not. What I said was that giant dinosaurs are my favorite animals."

"Okay..." He frowned. "Good to know."

You rolled your eyes. "Sarah said you wanted me?"

"Yes, I did." He dropped the ball to the ground near his feet. "I thought we could practice some drills. I've told all the girls I have time for one on one's after every practice session and so far everyone has come to me for some kind of advice, everyone accept you."

"Oh."

Ruben eyes searched your face. The lump in your stomach returned.

"I thought I made it clear that you can come to me for anything. Our early clash this summer is past us, no?"

"Yes, absolutely. " You were quick to nod, a bit guilty that Ruben thought that you still held a grudge against him. " I just thought that...that maybe i didn't need it." You lied.

He frowned. "Well that's stupid."

"What did you call me?"

"I said it's stupid of you to think that you're beyond needing help. Everyone needs a little extra help sometimes."

"Well I don't." You hissed.

"Well I'm telling you that you do."

You were brought back by his resilience, your chest heaving up and down with the sudden fright it had given you.

"I'm sorry."  He ran a quick hand through his hair, collecting himself.  "I just think that you'd be better off with a few tips, that's all."

You nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?"

You let him lead you onto the pitch, stopping before the small goals that the team only used for training. Ruben separated you from one of them by position himself between it.

"Now, try and get past me." He passed you the ball.

"Easy." You chuckled.

Although you were quicker, Ruben's frame was  bigger, tremendously bigger.

"Fuck Ruben." His shoulder knocked against yours, tripping you to the ground. "What you do that for?"

He stretched out a hand, helping you back up.

"Because..." He said, dusting off your back. "I'm going to teach you how to properly get through a defender.

"Is that so?"

"Yes. Now come at me again. This time try and avoid coming too close."

"Fine."

You had another go, however the same thing happened, Ruben, tripping you to the ground, this time with a swipe of his feet.

"For fucksakes!"

You slapped away his helping hand, getting up from the ground yourself.

"Quit looking at your feet." He directed. "Your eyes are giving away where you're going to go. Look your opponent dead in the eye. That will throw them off."

"Okay, just give me a sec." You needed to catch a breath. "You know I'm a girl right? Not one of your mates frim the pub."

He chuckled. "I don't go to the pub. Now try again. "

You did what you were told, but this time it was personal. You dribbled the ball past his feet, all whilst keeping your distance. Just as Ruben was about to have a go at your legs you lifted your gaze, looking him dead in the eye. He smirked, you smirked and without his predicton you sent the ball between his feet and into the corner of the small goal.

"Yes!" You said, celebrating the goal with a set of cartwheels.

"You're a fast learner." Ruben stood with the ball tucked underneath his arm again, waiting for you to finish your celebrations.

"Thanks, I know."

He shook his head, hiding his satisfied smile.

"Shall we go again?"

"Nah, I think we're done for the day."

"Ahhh, what happened Ruben?" You teased. "Did my nutmeg twist your legs?"

"Actually, yes."

You frowned as Ruben looked to be limping, eventually setting himself down on the grass.

"Oh my god, Ruben!"

Quickly, you were by his side, checking on the leg he held pressed to the ground.

"It's my knee." He said,  through clenched teeth.

"Your knee injury, it's still bothering you?"

"Yeah." He groaned. "I guess I overestimated my abilities."

"Let me see."

He was brought back to rest on his elbows, allowing you to inspect his knee. It didn't look swollen or anything, but wrapping it up in a bandage would be the best thing to do. "We have some leg wraps in the locker room." You stood, offering Ruben your hand. He declined.

"I'm good here for now. Just got to catch my breath a little."

"It hurts that much?" You knelt down again, watching his eyes squint in pain.

"It will blow over." He grunted.

"Ruben, I'm so sorr..."

"It's not your fault." He waved. "I should have known that you wouldn't go easy on me."

Your smile was weak, a wave of guilt washing over you.

"Hey?" Ruben noticed this and went to pinch your cheek.

His sudden action made you flinch, but then you relaxed seeing him smiling up at you, a warm and handsome smile.

"Dinosaurs are reptiles you know?"

"Huh?"

You were so mesmerized by the color of his eyes, deep brown, that his question almost blew past you.

"Dinosaurs? Your favorite animals?" He said.

"Oh, right."

"Yeah, their actually reptiles." He said, perhaps to distract you from how guilty you felt about his leg. Either way it worked.

"Reptiles are animals, no?"

"No, reptiles are reptiles."

You shook your head. He was as stubborn as you, perhaps even more so.

"My favorite animals are dogs." He said. You like that he continued distracting you, even though you didn't ask him to. It was hard for you seeing him like this, seeing him hurt.

"Do you have any?" You moved your hand to rest on his thigh. It was warm underneath the palm of your hand.

"Two actually." His body shifted a little, but you never thought that it was because the position of your hand made him feel uncomfortable.

"They're in Portugal though, with my parents."

"Why did you leave?"

"My dogs?"

"No, Portugal."

"I told you. To keep my uncle company after the death of my aunt."

Somthing in the way he said it made you believe that this wasn't all there was to it, however, if he wanted to tell you he would have.

"You know you're very talented, Y/N."

"Thanks." You muttered, heart pounding in your chest.

"Any club in the country would be glad to have you."

"You think so?"

"My uncles says your situation at home is limiting you though. He says you wouldn't leave your little sister behind."

"Not when she still needs me, no." You drew a quick breath to mend the sudden irritation of your eyes.

Ruben held your gaze, unsure of who he had sitting before him. "Your sister..." He said, drawing out the sentance with a quick wipe of his mouth. "She'll always need you, you know?"

You felt it, how his thumb stroked the top of your hand. It had gone unnoticed, how his hand had krept closer to yours that still rested on his thigh. Now however, you felt it, his touch.

"Your football career on the other had, won't be up for grabs forever. "

"What are you saying, that I should bale on my sister, move to London and play for a team like Chelsea?"

He shrugged.

You frowned. "Then you don't know the first thing about me."

You stood, pulling your hand away from his thigh. Ruben still watched you from where he lay on the ground. You sighed, stretching out a hand to help him to his feet. He leaned on you for support, his arm wrapping around your shoulder. The smell of him invaded your nostrils. He smelled of grass and aftershave. A warm smell, a homily smell.

You walked across the pitch together, his hip attached to your hip. And for the first time in his presences, since receiving the explicit picture of his dinasaur, you didn’t think about the size of it, or how the thought of it made you feel. Instead you thought about the man attached to it and how he made you feel. Ruben made you feel good. Ruben made you feel safe.

Tagslist:

@kathb59

@alexisquinnlee-bc

@husherstan

#fanfiction #man city #football imagine #manchester city #ruben dias #ruben dias imagine #ruben dias angst #ruben dias x reader #footballer x reader #football angst #footballer imagine #football x reader #football

[gaywatch]

So I started watching the first episode of The Sign, right? I'd had it on my computer for a couple/few days and couldn't immediately remember what it was actually about, but I knew it was a new Thai BL genre mashup thing I'd seen on my dash and that's good enough for me.

A team of special agents infiltrate a big warehouse/facility place at night. Okay. Cool. There are bombs and a hostage? Sure. One guy tells other guys what to do, so he must be the leader, and he tells a few guys to focus on the bombs and the others to find the hostage. They encounter bad guys when they get inside, and some of the fight choreo is cool and some of it is absurd, but I'm just happy to be seeing an action-oriented BL series and I've seen worse crimes committed by a low budget, no big deal.

But it's been a few minutes into the first episode now, and I'm starting to wonder a few things. We have stakes, technically: there are bombs and a hostage--it would be bad if the bombs went off while the team was inside because they would get hurt or killed, and by default we don't want to see a hostage harmed.

But we have no context. At all. I'm five minutes in and I know nothing. Who's the hostage? Who are the bad guys? What do the bad guys want? Why do I care? I'm assuming this is like some quick action-y beginning and we'll cut to a main character at some point to see the "real" first scene of the show, but now it's been like seven minutes and we're still here in this warehouse place. If the special ops team are supposed to be the cast, I haven't heard a single scrap of dialogue that wasn't about the task at hand. I haven't even seen anyone's face yet.

Tagging @bengiyo, @lurkingshan 'cause they were interested in a side comment I made about this in some tags.

Even when they finally start to pull up their masks and talk, it's all immediate business (which is somewhat understandable given they're in danger but we're still lacking important context). Who am I rooting for? Who are these dudes? Why is this one sequence taking over ten minutes without giving me anything or anyone to latch onto? Are they assuming I read a blurb on the premise of the show and then immediately hit play? Because that's a cardinal sin--you never assume that everyone who watches your show or reads your book will know the premise, even in this day and age. You always lay in the necessary exposition/context to immediately anchor the audience into the premise and main character (or cast). (The only time you can assume everyone already knows at least the broad strokes of a concept is in fanfiction, but even then there could still be changes you made that you need to clue people in on from the get go. )

Then Tharn got his first premonition about Phaya, and I was like 'ohhhh, this is a story about a guy with some form of precognition who's in some sort of special forces. I wish they could have brought this up ten minutes ago, but okay.'

And finally, the big reveal: it's all a test! They're trainees, not officers! Well, that certainly explains why we got zero context all this time, because they didn't want to give away The Trick. Except it didn't feel like a clever rug pull at all. Worrying that the audience will clue in to what's going on doesn't mean you get to just Not Tell Them. You mislead them instead. The team could have easily rattled off the necessary details and context about the mission--after the training reveal, we would have chalked it up to practice mission prep. And with no context or reason to care about anything, I sat there for fifteen minutes only to be told that I didn't have to care anyway because it was all staged.

I would have taken any context, even something super cliche and ham fisted. "Okay boys, remember: our old mission commander is being held hostage in there and they'll kill him unless we hand over their psychotic leader. It took us weeks to track them down to this warehouse, and if they escape again it's game over. Don't let me down!" or something, anything for me to latch onto besides Dudes Doing Things. It's okay to mislead the audience, in fact you pretty much have to in order to pull the well worn "it was all an exercise" trick in the first place.

And fifteen minutes to pull all that off was a rather astonishing waste of screen time. The opening scene in the 2009 reboot of Star Trek establishes a handful of characters, makes you care about them, takes them through an amazing high stakes action sequence, and has you in tears at the end as we watch a guy we've only known for a few minutes sacrifice himself to save what's left of the crew as the film's protagonist--his son--is literally born, and it does all of that in almost half the time.

Compare that to The Sign, where in fifteen minutes we know: dudes in black fight things, one guy has premonitions, and actually they're trainees. No complexity, emotional stakes, or context beyond that. I was floored.

But what really made my jaw drop came after that.

A first episode has a lot of heavy lifting to do. You're introducing a world, a cast, promising the type of fun that's to be had, kickstarting the central relationships, etc etc. One of the most fundamental aspects to all this set up is to let us know why the main character/cast is here, what they're trying to do, and why it matters if they fail. And the entire first episode of the sign doesn't have that. At all. Period.

Oh, we're introduced to characters, the harsh training, Tharn's gift, Tharn and Phaya's initial dynamic, but once again we're given no context or emotionally relevant exposition. Who are these dudes? Why are they training? Why do they care about becoming special ops? What's their motivation? Goals? Obstacles in the way of that goal? Motive/Goal/Obstacle is the engine of story, and we're not given a single one until--and this is what blew my mind--almost halfway through the second episode.

In episode two we finally get a line from Tharn's bff about how if Tharn doesn't get onto the special ops team he won't be able to investigate his dad's (parents? can't remember) mysterious death.

A goal! A reason to care about Tharn's training! Emotional investment! Except it's coming way, way, wayyyyyyyyyyy too late. We should have known about this in the first five minutes of episode one. They should've found another fake hostage, Tharn should've lifted his mask and said "shit, if we fail this I'll never have what I need to find out how dad died." THANK YOU, now I have a reason to care.

I was shocked at such a massive oversight, like I'm gonna remember it as a cautionary example for a long time 'cause that's just wild to me.

#The Sign #critical #GW Essays

[komotionlessqueenmm]

I've practically been stalking your old ivan drago content and saw your imagine prompt for being Rocky's younger sister and having a crush on Ivan, can you IMAGINE the idea of you, being Rocky's younger sister, seeking ivan out after his life changing loss because you know what that means for him? Just being soft and understanding because even though your brother won (and there's a good reason as to why that's the appropriate ending cough cough) you feel the need to offer a shoulder and comfort ivan because you see him for what he is, the product of having to please such a demanding regime? Maybe it's just my penchant to see big strong antagonists and want to hold their face in my hands lol (like iceman, my beloved)

Gah dammit now I wanna write about this!!!!

(No seriously tho I love this, I have daydreamed about it so many times, just needed someone to convince me to write about it! But I'm doing this as a headcanon instead of an actual story because I don't think I can properly get across what I want to get across. Which is why I never wrote about this despite fantasizing about it.)

Headcanon/Preference # 28

Pictures NOT mine.

Year posted - 2023

*I'm randomly coming back to this request because I saw it in my drafts, and I'm dabbling with a few pieces with Dolphs characters again, so I wanted to finish this one. That being said, I've actually got a story I'm working on based loosely on that imagine, it's got a fun little twist to it though. So keep an eye out for that, and I apologize this took so long, but that's honestly kinda just how I roll. 😅 ALSO this isn't exactly what you asked for, but I think you'll enjoy it regardless! MY BAD!

☓Before the fight☓

☭ So before the fight you'd only seen Ivan on the TV screen. But even then you could see him for who he really was. And apparently you were the only one who could, so you kept your thoughts to yourself.

☭ You more or less threatened your brother to take you with him to Russia. And he of course tried reasoning with you, but you'd made up your mind, and he wasn't going to change it.

☭ Rocky was of course worried that the cold might get to you, so he made sure you were bundled to the nine every single day. It was sweet, but a little annoying at the same time. And you had to admit the cold was definitely harsher in Russia than Philadelphia, and that was saying something.

☭ But despite the cold, and the harsh glare from the locals, you found yourself enjoying the landscape scenery.

☭ You helped to encourage your brothers training, and despite having lost your old friend Apollo to him, you couldn't help but find yourself enamored in a way with the Soviet boxer. A fact that you kept under lock and key.

☭ You wondered most nights what would happen in the end. What would happen to Rocky if he lost? What would Ivan go through if he lost? There was just so much at stake, and you couldn't decide who you wanted to come out victorious. Well both of them if you had it your way, but you knew that wasn't an opinion.

☭ You often replayed the fight he had with Apollo in your head. You'd seen how Apollo's theatrics effected him, and how unbothered he'd been by Apollo's taunting. How precious he was, and how powerful.

☭ It made you worry for your brother, but you knew he was one tough son of a bitch. You'd been there for every single one of Rocky's fights after all, even back when he was fighting in shitty clubs.

☓During the fight☓

☭ You were sorta like Rocky's coach at this point, well maybe not coach but rather his hype-man, always had been. So you were with him when he went out to the ring, and beside him in the ring.

☭ You had to admit, seeing Ivan up close for the first time... Jesus he was huge... And very intimidating with his cold expression. Queue your curiosity and worry both spiking.

☭ You shook hands with his team, per the typical routine, and when you were about to turn and leave the ring. You found Ivan staring at you, making eye contact, and maintaining it for far longer than you probably should have.

☭ Rocky noticed your hesitance, and gently bumped his shoulder with yours, knocking you out of your stupor. You offered your older brother a small smile, and he gently bumped your chin with his glove, drawing a proper smile from you. Which in turn made him smile.

☭ He didn't even notice Ivan had been staring at you, or that Ivan continued to do so as you left the ring. But the announcers? The fans? They noticed. So around the world people wondered if maybe it had been a bad idea letting you go to this fight.

☭ Before the fight started, you stood beside the ropes in Rocky's corner, and made good on tradition. Resting your foreheads together you said a prayer and wished him luck, smiling when he kissed the crown of your head before breaking away.

☭ All throughout the fight, you found yourself feeling rather queasy, you'd never experienced that before during any of Rocky's fights. You knew subconsciously because it wasn't just because of your worry for Rocky.

☭ You realized pretty quickly into the fight, that far more was riding on Ivan winning than Rocky. For Rocky if he lost, he would have been humiliated, and failed in avenging Apollo... But Ivan. You knew he would suffer far worse if he lost.

☭ You didn't have to speak Russian to know that his entire life would be determined by the outcome of this fight. If he won he'd be a hero, like Rocky was back home. But if he lost, odds are he'd loose everything he's come to know. How perceptive of you.

☭ Often you'd find yourself looking to Ivan when they were separated for a short break. Almost always finding him already staring at you, his expression dark and furious. Which admittedly made you a little nervous, but you didn't feel his frustration was directed at you.

☭ By the time they were both bloody and exhausted, you were on the brink of tears. And both men had noticed. Rocky trying to comfort you as best he could during his breaks, despite the fact that his state of mind was more important. (Something you kept reminding him about, but he didn't care. He's a good brother.)

☭ Ivan did nothing but watch, wondering if you were afraid for your brother, afraid for himself, or if perhaps you were afraid of him at this point? A series of thoughts that only confused him, and distracted him more than he'd care to admit.

☭ When Ivan picked that man up by his throat, you found that the tears had finally escaped, rolling down the apples of your cheeks as he shouted in Russian. His eyes found yours in the commotion, and he was certain he'd gotten his answer to his earlier ponderings.

☭ Little did he know you were crying for him, not because of his actions.

☓After the fight☓

☭ The crowd had boomed with excitement, and many people rushed the ring to celebrate with Rocky. You had watched as Ivan was led out by his team, and you didn't think twice about following them.

☭ When his team realized you'd followed them, they tried to shoo you away, but then Ivan noticed it was you, and barked at them to leave in his native tongue. Perplexed they complied and left you alone in the locker room.

☭ "What are you doing here?" He questioned, his accent think and heavy, like honey to your ears. "I..." You were at a loss for words. "I'm not sure... I-." He scoffed at you before turning away, looking at himself in the mirror, and glancing at you through it.

☭ "I guess I just wanted to see how you were... If you're... If you're okay." You tried to make sense of the way you felt, you knew you were drawn to him, you just didn't know why. He simply kept watching you through the mirror as you fumbled adorably over your explanation.

☭ But what you said next really caught him by surprise. "Your hands... Are your hands okay?" You'd asked, now looking at him through the mirror, he turned to you with confusion evident on his expression. No one ever asked if his hands were okay after a fight before, not even his wife.

☭ "I'm usually the one that mends Rocky's hands after a fight... Are your... Are your hands okay?" You explained yourself, taking a tentative step towards him, freezing in place when he stepped towards you.

☭ "You are afraid of me." He stated. "Not exactly." You quickly defended yourself. "I'm not afraid of you... I'm anxious around you." You added, thinking he'd accept that response. "What is the difference?" Ivan argued, watching you approach him.

☭ "My heart is racing, but it isn't because of fear." You tried to explain, feeling incredibly sheepish, especially considering you knew he was married. "I know fear... And you do not inflect fear in me." You added, sort of hoping he wouldn't understand what you meant.

☭ Thankfully he did. "I feel it as well." He admitted in a soft tone, not wanting to startle you as you gently unwrapped his wrist wraps. He noticed how you flushed at his confession, it made him smile softly.

☭ You tended to his busted up hands with a gentle touch, more gentle than he's used to. And by the time you'd finished, he couldn't help himself and he kissed you.

☭ It was tender the way he tilted your head back with his index finger, slowly leaning in to give you the opportunity to turn away if you wanted, but you didn't turn away.

☭ It's probably the most wholesome moment of his life, and yes I'm taking into account the birth of his son Viktor.

☭ You were just so sweet, peering up at him with big doe eyes. Foreheads resting together you both forgot about the world around you, if only for a moment.

☭ Ivan just wanted to wrap you in his arms and stay that way forever. He wasn't sure why he was so drawn to you, but he had been enamored with you long before you even knew about him.

☭ Granted you had just been a face on the screen of his TV, but that didn't stop his heart from fluttering at the mere sight of you. Perhaps it was fate, perhaps you were made for eachother, separated from eachother across the world.

☭ After what felt like hours the moment was ruined, because down the hall you could hear Rocky calling your name, probably worried sick about where you'd disappeared to.

☭ "I have to go." You whispered, despite not wanting to. "I know." Ivan murmured equally saddened. "Until we meet again." He added before giving you one last kiss, breaking away and leaving right before Rocky barged in. His heart shattering in his chest, as he knew you'd probably never see eachother again.

☭ "There you are!" Rocky breathed a sigh of relief, and practically fell into your arms. He never questioned why you were in Ivan's locker room, and he never questioned why you'd run off like that. (He had a feeling he didn't want to know.)

☓Years later☓

◈ You hadn't seen him since his fight against Rocky. And you wondered if he'd even recognize you anymore. Or if you'd even see him that is.

◈ You knew about his son, and his determination to fight Adonis Creed.

◈ What you hadn't honestly expected, was for him to show up your brother's restaurant, atleast not unannounced.

◈ "Rocky we need-" You cut yourself off as you laid eyes on him, he looked even more handsome than you'd remembered. Frozen in place you jumped when Rocky touched your arm.

◈ "You okay?" He asked with a soft expression, wordlessly pulling you into a hug when you nodded your head yes.

◈ "(Y/n)." Ivan had approached you both, and you could tell Rocky didn't trust him. "Hello Ivan." You smiled softly, those old butterflies from before fluttering around in your belly.

◈ You'd secretly been sending letters to Ivan for years, and while you sent them religiously, you only ever received a handful in return. Not that you minded, you understood, better than anyone.

◈ "Still so beautiful." He mused as if Rocky wasn't standing right there, his hand coming up to brush his knuckles across your cheek bone. Rocky was quick to put himself between you and Ivan of course, ever the protective brother.

◈ "Rock." You placed your arm on his bicep, gently tugging at his arm, a reassuring smile on your face when he turned to look at you. "It's okay." You reached up cupping your brothers cheek, smiling as you felt him relax under your touch.

◈ When you looked to Ivan again, you asked him if he would like to take a small walk. Rocky immediately tried arguing against it, but you assured him you would be fine, and he listened to you begrudgingly.

◈ "You look good Ivan." You'd mused as you walked side by side, just the two of you, as he'd made Viktor wait in the car. "I've missed you." He admitted, making you smile. "And I've missed you." You found it funny that he could still make you blush.

◈ "I kept all of your letters." He added in a soft tone, again making you smile. "Yeah?" You stopped walking and he turned to you, taking your hands in his. "Of course." He smiled.

◈ "You were always on my mind." Ivan murmured quietly before wrapping his arms around your waist, burying his head into your neck. You quickly wrapped your arms around his large shoulders, your right hand coming to rest against the back of his head.

◈ "You know... I never married." You mused thoughtfully, hoping he wouldn't think you crazy. "I couldn't bring myself to love anyone else." You added when he pulled back from the hug.

◈ "I would have given anything to have you by my side, helping me raise Viktor." Ivan closed his eyes for a moment, thinking back on his fantasy. "Want about now?" You wondered aloud before you could stop yourself, and Ivan smirked.

◈ "You would want that? Want me?" He asked with a small smile, adoration shining in his eyes. You cupped his face between your hands, pulling him down to your height so you shared the same air. "It's all I've ever wanted Ivan." He visibility melted into your touch.

◈ Needless to say the world was shocked to see you by Ivan's side, and even more so when you announced your engagement. Rocky tried to "reason" with you, claiming it was a rash decision. But you told him about everything, the moment you shared with Ivan in Russia, the letters, and the way he made you feel, the way he'd always made you feel.

◈ Rocky came to realize your love for Ivan, was like his love for Adrian. He knew you never really dated, or let yourself get attached, especially after his fight with Ivan. And despite his past with the Russian, he supported you (warning Ivan about what would happen if he broke your heart like any good brother would.), and he attended your wedding of course.

#Headcanon #ivan drago x reader #ivan drago #Ivan drago headcanon #Ivan drago imagine #Ivan drago x you #Ivan drago x y/n #rocky balboa #Rocky 4 #rocky iv #Rocky headcanon #Rocky 4 headcanon #dolph lundgren #reader insert #fluff #requested #Rocky imagine #rocky x reader #Rocky x you

[aro-culture-is]

Yo so I am confused. I can't tell if I'm aromantic or of I'm just terrified of other people. Like I love sex, big ole slut 10 out of 10, and my friendships are deep and expansive. But when someone wants to hold my hand or does I become physically nauseous. I've been like this since I was 17. I have had long term relationships where I was comfortable holding hands but that hasn't happened in 5 years. Non sexual affectionate touch makes me so uncomfortable and claustrophobic.

And in my past relationships where I did finally feel comfortable holding hands and cuddling, I have been cheated on, sa, given a sexual transmitted infection because my partner was cheating on me, promises never fulfilled, taken advantage of financially, ect.

How do I tell if I'm like this cause I don't trust people or because I'm aromantic? Do I need to heal more or is this not a changeable thing? How do people tell?

hi!

i think this is a fairly complex question, and the answer is going to be similarly complex. to start with, I'm glad that you are comfortable with your sexuality and know yourself so well! I am also so incredibly sorry that you have experienced the trauma of a bad relationship.

As far as your questions go: I think it's restrictive to phrase it as two options,

I am aromantic and not traumatized by other people

I am traumatized by other people and not aromantic.

I'd strongly encourage you to consider that it is not only possible, but entirely normal to be both aromantic and to have experienced trauma around other people, even to have become aromantic due to trauma, and that whether or not one "stops" being aromantic during trauma healing is generally a question as complex as the trauma itself.

I think the only way to know if trauma has influenced your orientation is to allow yourself the time and space to heal. If it is at all reasonable for you, find a therapist. The majority of individuals have had some level of traumatic histories, and it's really important to have a neutral 3rd party that can help you untangle your thoughts the way a therapist is trained to. If you find that you don't click with something about your therapist, practice articulating that to them. It's normal and expected that not every patient and therapist click, and you can absolutely ask to try something different, and failing that, transfer to a different individual.

Due to the complexity of trauma therapy, we can't offer you a simple answer, or a simple question to ask yourself. We grew up in an emotionally abusive family, and as we've learned to heal, we've become more and more certain in our aromantic identity. Others find themselves able to let others be closer, and may find themselves experiencing attraction in circumstances similar to or different from before their trauma. Others still will find themselves feeling stronger attraction than before their trauma, and may even accept that they may have repressed more attraction before the trauma they knew of. I can't tell you where you'll fall - only time, space, and patience will tell.

However it goes, I think it's valuable to enter therapy knowing it is normal to experience worries around trauma and its impacts on you, and it is likewise hard to admit that perhaps you've never really learned how to heal. Your therapist will likely ask your goal in therapy; don't worry about having a perfect answer. You can just as easily say "I am struggling with my identity due to past relationships, and I'd like to explore my identity without feeling so weighed down" as "Some thoughts have been weighing me down, and I don't know how to handle them. I'm hoping for help, and I don't know what that looks like yet." This isn't graded - this is just an initial chance to understand why you came in, and how you think.

the tldr really comes down to, "right now, you are probably aromantic and have trauma. With a therapist, you can work through that trauma and explore yourself without trauma weighing you down."

I hope this helps! this will be filed under both "am i aro" and "advice".

#Anonymous #not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod kee #mod axel #am i aro #advice #trauma is hard and recovery is possible #long post

[floral-force]

Omg 1st off I LOVE your writing! It’s soo amazing, I strive to write more this year and you’re the reason! But can we get some nervous Din? Basically reader is the FULL PACKAGE (wink wink) you know with their knowledge of combat, weapons, basically just badass. Meanwhile Din is LOVIN it and is just a wreck what it comes down to it! You don’t have to do this but if you do it would be appreciated <3

thank you so much for the compliment--it means so much that I've motivated you to write. please do it!!! bless the world with your words!!!

I tried my best with this!! I'm just such a sucker for soft!din that it kind of spilled out of me. I think din would just admire a skilled and badass partner and want to just soak in their presence. I hope you enjoy this!!

(requests are open! search the tags #prompt requests or #prompts and send me an ask!)

Misjudgments

din djarin x gn!reader

summary: Din Djarin reluctantly agrees to work with a partner on a hunt, and they turn out to be incredibly skilled in bounty hunting. They make him a nervous wreck, something that never happens to him. But, maybe there's more to Din's mixed emotions than he realizes...

words: 1.9k+

warnings/tags: my blog is 18+ ONLY/NO MINORS, bounty hunter reader, soft!din djarin, mention of orgasms, din is bad at feelings, mentions of canon-typical violence

read on ao3 | masterlist

Din had been so resistant to the idea of having a partner on a hunt, but Greef refused to take no for an answer. He agreed in the end; he figured he owed the man a favor because Greef had set aside a puck for Din that had a big payout. After he got the credits, he’d been able to afford not only refueling the Crest, but a few thermal detonators, a new vibroblade, and a fresh bar of soap—all luxuries he rarely indulged unless absolutely necessary. So, Din had sighed and nodded, Greef introduced Din to his partner, and then they were off. 

He hadn’t expected his unwanted accomplice to be as—if not more—capable than him. They’d boarded the Crest with an overstuffed backpack and a long duffel bag, a wry smile on their face, and an attractive body that made Din gulp and blush. How could he not notice their looks when they carried themselves with the confidence of a skilled and seasoned hunter? Karga had told Din how many years they’d been in the Guild after he asked the question for a third time, and Din had groaned at the answer. The person was still an amateur compared to him.

It certainly didn’t appear that way when Din descended the ladder from the cockpit to the cargo hold and saw them sitting on the floor taking apart their sniper rifle. It was a model Din had seen before in a couple shady, back-alley shops on Coruscant and slung over the backs of one or two other Guild members, but the one his partner was dissembling had a few modifications Din didn’t recognize. Din watched their hands deftly take it apart, moving with a level of precision only acquired by years of practice and experience he knew didn’t match the number Karga had told him. It was hypnotizing to watch them pull and twist the pieces apart and gently place them on the black canvas pad in front of their legs. The corner of his mouth twitched upwards when he saw the way their brow was furrowed with focus and their lips set in a hard line.

“Are you going to stand there all the way to Jakku?”

Their curt voice snapped Din out of his trance, and he crossed his arms. “No, I—um,” he got flustered when they looked up at him with questioning eyes and cleared his throat. “That rifle. How did—”

“How did I get it?” they finished his question with a tired sigh and a roll of their eyes. Their thumb tapped the piece in their hand, and Din watched it with eager eyes. “I bought it, that’s how,” they snapped, looking back down at the pieces in front of them.

There was a pause, Din’s helmet trained on them as they set the piece back down. Their hands were still for only a few seconds before they reached to the right and grabbed a can of oil with a thin spray nozzle. Irritation painted their face as they picked up a sleek black piece, inspecting it before shaking the can and giving a part of the piece a quick blast of oil.

“It’s a 773—”

“773 Firepuncher,” they snapped, their voice overlapping Din’s. They picked up its scope. “I bought it after my first hunt. I’m not a fan of getting too close to my quarries. This guy—” they gave Din a quick smile— “is my best friend.”

He crossed his arms. “Those aren’t easy to come by.”

“They are when you have a network, but I doubt you talk enough to have one.”

Din tilted his head at the snide remark, almost letting it slide because of the way they bit their lip and smiled to themselves. Their shoulders jumped with a suppressed laugh that should have made Din mad, but it only made his cheeks and ears turn red under the beskar. Clearly, they knew their way around their weapon—but any good hunter should. As they set down the scope and picked up the rag on their left, wiping off their fingers, he shifted and thought of something smart to say.

“So, you don’t like getting your hands dirty?” he probed.

“Oh, I will, I just think it’s…” They looked up at the ceiling and waved their hands around, searching for a word in the air. “Unproductive.” They hummed and picked up a part of the barrel. “Yeah, that’s the word. Unproductive.”

“You can just be honest and say you’ve broken your hand throwing a punch,” he shrugged. 

They laughed mirthfully. “I learned how to fight before I started hunting, Mando. Not all of us can hide underneath beskar.” 

Din’s skin went hot under his.

They looked up at him with mischievous eyes and an endearing smirk. They looked back down at their occupied hands and shrugged, tracing a finger over the barrel’s ridges and lines. 

“I just thought it’d be idiotic to start hunting while still training. Luckily, I started young—way too young, I think,” they added, eyebrows knitting together, something hard settling across their attractive features.

Din cleared his throat and leaned back against the ladder, hoping to relate on some level with them. “I began my training as a child after I was rescued by my covert.”

“I held a blaster for the first time when I was 13,” they stated.

“I think I was 11.”

They shook their head and exhaled with wide eyes. “Damn, Mando,” they chuckled, giving him a smile. “You’ve got me beat there.”

They looked back down at their work and gave the barrel a few more moments of consideration before setting it down and fiddling with the stand. Din kept quiet, observing them in silence once again. He couldn’t decide if his heart was racing from their smart quips pushing his buttons or from shy nerves. He wasn’t inclined to find out, but he did know that he’d changed his mind about them. They weren’t the incompetent, young hunter Din had thought them to be; no, it was quite the opposite. They were hardened from experiences they shouldn’t have had to go through, tough as nails, and wittier than anyone Din had ever met. They made his gloved palms clammy and left him flustered. But he didn’t hate it. Maybe he liked it. Maybe he liked them, or maybe he just envied them. But he had time to decide—their hunt hadn’t even started yet.

“Have you ever used a 773?” they asked, something in their voice wavering. They looked up at him with expectant eyes, hoping for a certain answer. What that answer was, Din couldn’t tell; he just hoped he’d give them the right one.

“Can’t say I have.” 

Din waited on edge, hoping he’d answered them correctly. They nodded and their eyes darted to the black canvas, fingers tapping against the piece in front of them. When they looked back up at Din, they gave him a soft smile that he didn’t think they were capable of. Even more surprising was that he liked it.

“Would you, um,” they bit their lip and cleared their throat. “Would you like to learn more about it? Maybe try it out when we land?”

Din was…flattered. All the hunters he knew were incredibly protective of their weapons, only sharing when absolutely necessary and always asking for everything back once the job was done. Yet here they were, offering him a piece of themselves. It threw him for a loop, but then again, this hunter was full of surprises. 

When he silently nodded, they gave him an excited smile. Din dragged over a light cargo box—kriff, he needed more rations—and plopped down in front of them, leaning forward and urging them to start talking with a wave of his hands. They eagerly began, their sentences sprinkled with nervous stutters and awkward glances. Din enjoyed it, smiling under his helmet at how their face lit up while describing an impressive shot they’d made with the rifle. For once, Din was glad he’d made a misjudgment. Maybe a partnership with them wouldn’t be that bad. Who knows—maybe he’d want to keep them around for more than this hunt.

Months later, after finishing their sixth consecutive hunt together, he told them how that moment lit a small flame inside his chest. Din held their hand in his as he told them that he’d smiled.

“You actually smile under that thing?” they teased, earning a shake of Din’s head. 

“I only smile at you,” he clarified. 

They pulled their hand away and raised their arms over their head, stretching their body with a cute grimace. They’d been occupied with their rifle for a good while now; it was an anxious habit of theirs. So, he’d decided to keep them company. It would be a while before they got to Nevarro, and Din enjoyed talking to them anyways.

“That’s—mm—good, Din.” 

Their comment was interrupted with a tiny groan from their stretch that tickled Din’s heart. Their eyes met Din’s visor and their hands dropped to the metal floor before picking up a piece of their rifle. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, drinking them in with thirsty eyes.

Din could never get enough of them. He was forever parched now that he’d had a taste of them after their third hunt. They’d been forced to drop their rifle and engage the quarry in a fight, and Din had found them with their knee on top of the Trandoshan quarry. As they put the cuffs on the quarry, they gave Din a coy smile, shrugging their shoulder to try and rub sweat off their cheek. In that moment, Din knew he wanted them, knew that the way they made him blush and stutter wasn’t due to him feeling insecure. No, he was attracted to them, and he needed them.

Later, they both came together on the floor of the Crest, their voices harmonizing in ecstasy, chests heaving in unison. Din was sweating under the helmet, the rest of his body bare and hot under their touch.

He didn’t even have to ask if they’d stay with him a little bit longer. The look in their gorgeous eyes told him all that he needed to know.

So here he sat, watching them grease their rifle yet again. Din would never get tired of watching it. Every time he saw them make a clean shot or save his ass on a hunt with quick thinking and excellent aim, his heart hammered in his chest and made him want them even more. Din’s knees went weak for them, and words failed him. 

But he couldn’t tell them all of that just yet. He’d tell them later in bed after they brought in the quarry from their most recent hunt. Din hoped they didn’t hate the room he’d booked at Nevarro’s small inn. Din hoped he wasn’t misjudging their feelings, too. They were the only person in the galaxy who could make Din care enough to feel his heart hammering in his chest. 

“Din? You here with me?” they asked, smiling.

He nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I’m here, I promise.”

“Good, you went all stiff and silent. I was nervous for a second there,” they admitted.

“Don’t worry,” he said softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

They beamed at him, making his heart skip a beat. Kriff, he loved the way they made him feel. How could he ever leave someone as incredible as them?

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[cerenemuxse]

Dumping a bunch of my thoughts on TiPo.

-

Tigress is the only one out of the five to look at Po when addressing him as "Master." She's been doing it since the end of the first movie.

-

Tigress, the most disciplined, going "Do it" at Po, challenging him to go for 40 bean buns in KFP 2 is one of the best scenes. Like she says it so seriously but its so stupid (/affectionate). I love Tigress so much. 🥺❤

-

LoA doesn't make sense taking place after KFP 2. (It aired the year after the movie did.) Just on a few episodes, LoA seems to take place before KFP 2, just by looking at how Tigress and Po act and treat one another. Po is having a huge ego problem with the title of Dragon Warrior and Tigress just looks like she wants him dead. Though there was that one ad for KFP 3 in a collaboration with Wix where she chases him down after he practically sits on top of her back, forcing her to carry him.

The episode "Chain Reaction," to me, seems to be the perfect episode to start the ball rolling with Po and Tigress' relationship in terms of being friends. Idk about you guys, but it just doesn't seem likely that they were automatically good buddies between KFP and KFP 2. When I say they don't get along often in LoA, I genuinely mean that most of the time, they don't when it doesn't come to fighting. But even, it's not as synonymous as it was in KFP 2.

The reason why I think "Chain Reaction" is the episode is purely because of their interactions. Imagine you're stuck with someone that have begun to respect but you're still weary about them. You don't necessarily like them but you really don't want to admit you dislike them, or you at least try to. In this episode, during the fireplace scene, Po asks Tigress about the whole Dragon Warrior situation. Tigress doesn't want to admit that she's upset but seconds later, she does when Po throws away a potential solution, the wooden key she was carving, to their problem, the chain the Croc Bandits placed on them at the beginning of the episode. (Yes, the trope where two characters are chained together. <3)

-

As much as I ship them, I see them as simply friends in KFP 1 - 3. There could be some romance developing in the 3rd one, but I just see them as friends in the 2nd one. Tigress is just opening up about herself to someone she sees as a friend, not as a potential love interest. And Po just comes off as someone who still looks up to Tigress, the person who made him fall in love with kung fu. (Though I might be being biased because I've come to dislike the "love at first sight" trope.) It is possible but I don't see it like that.

-

Tigress just screaming out for Po in KFP 2 will always hurt. The agony, the desperation, the tiny glimmer of hope that she could've lessened the damage Po took just being taken away. Gone like blowing out a lit candle. It hurts just as a bad as Tigress looking at Po in KFP 3 in that same agony but with fear. I've mentioned it before but Lei Lei crying just makes it hurt even more.

Think about it. You were supposed to stop the villian. You're the answer to the problem yet you failed because of one small mistake. Your best friend, the one you've had a strong relationship with, the one who's always focused and never lost, is now lost. She's confused and scared. Now what?

-

I love that these two have their own way of communicating. Often times, they communicate through sparring, especially in the movies. (In the series, I'm not entirely sure.) It's not them fighting and harming one another, its communication (to them.)

When Po was questioning Tigress about her training at the beginning of KFP 2, they were sparring.

When Po wouldn't listen to Tigress, they were sparring with Tigress wanting Po to understand that she has the upperhand/lead and he needs to listen. Not only that, but to show that he can't go out there distracted.

The exact same thing happens in KFP 3, when Po trains to beat Kai after finding out his biological father, Li Shan, lied to him about chi. They both express that "yes, it will work," "no, it won't work." A back-and-forth, a conversation happening both verbally and physically.

-

In KFP 2, in the boat scene where Po and Tigress were sparring, Tigress says that she can't feel anything in her hands. Yet, after the canon was fired and Po finds her on a floating chunk of wood, Po touches her hand and she moves. Did she mean that she doesn't feel anything at all or that she doesn't feel pain?

I'm pretty sure its the latter. It just makes more sense. But then there's KFP 3, where she punches one of the Jombies and reels her hand back, shaking it. Was that pain or overwhelming force? She didn't look to be in pain, from the looks of things.

-

Speaking of the scene where Po swims to Tigress, Po seemed to be pretty upset, shown more when he glared at Shen. The sorrow, the solem expression he had, the way he said Tigress' name (ESPECIALLY the Latin American dub), the way he approached her seems like he was in deep thought about how loyal Tigress had been to him ever sense they left for Gongmen City. She went out of her way to protect him, keep an eye on him, just like she had promised Mr. Ping. Even in situations where the result was not preventable, such as Shen firing the canon. She pushed Po out of the way, yet he was hit, along with everyone else.

#muxse's random thoughts #kfp #kfp po #kfp tigress #kfp tipo #an actual rambling post #like none of this makes sense but also does #that's my writing in a nutshell sorry- #china teapots

[doodle17]

New Psychonauts oc just dropped fam

I'm about to show yalls the most f*cked up guy I've ever created

"Ah, Mr. Aquato. I'm glad you could make it. I've been waiting for a chance to Break Your Mind."

SO this is Tony Bridger 😬👍 that one absolutely irredeemable scumbag OC I've vaguely talked about. I guess I should get into his morals 'n backstory and yadda yadda yadda yadda

Basically, his Father created a machine that could send brainwaves or something like that, to control people. It was his life's work. Of course this was no good, so the Psychonauts were sent in to stop him. It was Sasha Nein himself in fact, who destroyed the machine. They never caught Mr. Bridger, as he took the young Tony and they went off the grid.

After his greatest invention was destroyed, the blueprints and notes all gone, Mr. Bridger went insane. It broke him, and he fell into madness. Tony tried his best to help the broken shambles of a man he knew as his father, but the poor kid was to young to be able to do anything.

Eventually, Mr. Bridger killed himself accidentally. He had stumbled onto some train tracks, got knocked out, and then a train came and ran over his unconscious body. The only family Tony had, which was already broken, was now gone. As if the insanity was infectious, Tony's mind seemed to break as well.

Its was those Psychonauts fault! It was that Agents fault! If they hadn't intervened, he'd still have a father. He didn't care if he took over the world, burned it to the ground. The only man he had to take care of him was gone, and it was all their fault.

So Tony's next plan, was to take action on how to help himself cope. In the worst. Way. Imaginable.

Since the age 14 he's been perfecting this twisted method. He somehow manged how to astrally project someone without a Psy-portal or a Brain Tumbler, and pull them into his mind. This is where the fun stuff starts

As if he's been working on it months, he's able to dig around your subconscious, find people you love, hate, respect, it doesn't matter, and twist and deform them into monsters to torment and torture you. He can create mental constructs in a matter of seconds somehow, with puzzles and monster so insane and so vile, any person who he drags into his mind...

Goes Mad.

When he was 20, he was discovered practicing this disgusting and ominous way of torment, and was thrown into one of the biggest prisons/insane asylum for Psychics ever. That thing, around his neck, is basically a psy-lock, but more powerful, and it gives you the nastiest shock anytime you try to use your powers.

He's not very worried about his position, however. In fact, he's actually quite happy he was thrown in there. Why, you may ask? Because this means he closer to the top agents. The ones who ruined his life in the first place.

Sasha, Milla, Coach, Lili and Raz have to go and try to find a way removed Tony's Brain from his body to be sedated, without having anything bad go wrong, but of course, bad things do, in fact, go wrong.

Because how do you get revenge on the very Agent who broke the one you cared most about?

By breaking one of the people they care about most as well, of course!

Oh yeah, the angst is strong with this one *rubs hands together deviously*

Yeah, I wanna try and make a fic or somthing with this guy soon. It'll be fun! Angsty, graphic, depressing and violent fun~

Sorry for the long post btw I've just been thinking about this guy's backstory a lot. Trying to make him sound evil, but with an actual reason to be

#Yeah I've already gotten multiple scenes n stuff for a fic #If I ever make one #It'll probably be the darkest thing I've written #For a goofy game #About psychic kids- #Maybe I should tone it down a bit actually... #Doodle88 #Psychonauts #Psychonauts oc #razputin aquato #lili zanotto #milla vodello #sasha nein #coach oleander #psychonauts fanfiction

[marnz]

some thoughts about life right now;

i've been on a really intense project since late July and let me tell you, i am tired! i'm one of the few people at my job that specialize in this type of work--we are excited to train more--but for now i am just hanging out here preparing to trade one high pressure project for another for the foreseeable future. which ultimately is fine! even though it can be stressful, I would rather be doing this type of work, which is interesting and super fulfilling and matters a lot to me, than other types of work, which do not feel fulfilling and are actually pretty boring.

it's a little confusing to find myself here because last year i went on medical leave for mental health reasons and prior to that i was doing a very different kind of work, and when i came back in january they started me off with this new kind of work (which i do prefer) with basically no training from my supervisor. which is fine, i am comfortable learning on the fly and/or teaching myself, and i have both a lot of experience doing this and a lot of experience in Complex Projects, albeit in a different practice area. then i moved onto this project in late july. so like again very little training in this specific type of work but i assure you, nothing is as stressful as my last job was. and i do love this project! even though it's stressful! i've since learned that this is just going to be my specialty! which like...i am happy with the outcome but i feel like i sort of tripped and fell into it in the least expected way possible.

while thinking about it, i think i thought i'd only make it to this kind of work, this kind of project, by working hard--and i had a specific idea of what working hard looked like, what striving looked like. but i have been working hard for the last year or so, healing, learning, growing, recovering, all of it. and that is hard work. and by taking time to tend to myself, and grow and change and learn and heal, i became ready for this kind of stressful work. and that's not the narrative we have around this. culturally we have a narrative of self sacrifice and unpaid overtime and being really fucking type A and having unhealthy work/life balance, but as soon as I stepped away and said actually, i've had enough, i will not burn my life out for you, i started down a road that led me to doing the type of work i want to do in a healthier and more prepared way. and that's fucking awesome!

for now i am just trying to make it to the end of this project in mid october. which means coping skills, baby! wish i could write but i don't have capacity for it rn, and that's fine. so my priorities are: maintenance days (cleaning/chores). reading. knitting. baking. yoga. hiking. i want to make life as easy and cozy for myself as possible right now.

i haven't knit for several months and I'm thinking of trying my first sweater--this gorgeous sweater called Mountain Mist. however i've never done colorwork before so the pattern suggests doing the same colorwork in a swatch hat (here) to practice. i am SO HYPE!!! this pattern is also admittedly deeply my aesthetic. i showed it to my partner and he laughed bc it's so typically me lol. i also checked out the first book in Tana French's Dublin Murders series on audiobook to listen too while knitting. spooky season means murder mysteries. 🥰

also my work office is being remodeled so i will be working from home for the next 6ish months, and we're preparing to overhaul my little work corner in our house so it is better/more ergonomic/has more storage/is cuter. also i am going to get a standing desk for my poor knees 😵‍💫 recently worked from 8:30 to 9:30 and my knees hurt sooooo bad 😩

it's nice to know that a year ago i wouldn't have been able to handle this project or really know how to slow down and prioritize self care and after a ton of hard work on my mental health i'm now i'm like, well, it is a bit stressful but we got this. progress 😌💖

#currently #crimes new roman #gonna make lemon poppyseed bread next i think #doing laundry and cleaned out the pantry today. now going to order yarn. #also tmi but i got a new iud and i am In Pain lol so i am just going to take it super easy :)

[swamp-gremlin]

My Old Nick hc's, interpretation, analysis, and other odd bits PT.1

Part 2

This is long overdue but I feel I oughta get something out of the way. I've had a incredibly aggressive special interest in him for like 3-5ish years and at some point in writing hc's I just started making shit up(I mean isn't that just hc's are?) because I really just took a guy with a whopping 14 lines of dialogue and just started sprinting.

I'm choosing to actually leave a few things out as I wish to explore those ideas more in This isn't over Jack, Ill probably swing back around to this after I wrap that up. In the mean time if you wanna swap ideas I'm down(please please please pleaseplea)

Turns out I hit text limit with this oh my lord, ill post pt2 tomorrow, i'm sorry

Can't think of anything particularly triggering in this but i'll warn it gets just kinda bleak

Human turned Fae- I will not elaborate, this will be explained later...

would actually break your legs if you called him a fairy

I've never actually pinned down any specific powers for him for some reason? like i just cant think of like any that i could write/ illustrate that wouldn't feel too gauche... So I just kinda nebulously imaged so weird fae-fuckery type of magic- though I think the most compelling interpretation of his powers was in Scouts Australian Christmas (pls go read it, its a really good fic)

Gay, but I cant imagine he's like particularly out about it; like its a iykyk sorta think because I definitely feel there probably some shame or internalized homophobia there (smth smth homophobic senator caught in a gay bar joke)

Autistic, but most definitely not diagnosed- he would become absolute incensed if you suggested it, like "There is nothing wrong with me, I am normal" but you can tell that he knows there's something "wrong with him" but he has no idea what and is incredibly afraid of even attempting to confront that

Can't imagine there's a moment where he's not masking, he doesn't understand his own limits and will keep doing things until he quite literally can't anymore

Probably has some ~effeminate~ interest he's deeply embarrassed by, but like in all reality its very normal and even if it was thats not a bad thing, he just makes it a big deal for no reason

STRADDLING the line between infodumping and mansplaining

Could be genuinely into a topic but he's just so condescending about it

High functioning alcoholic, kinda in that 50s/ rich way but it's very obvious he has a problem but everyone always brushes it off as "thats just how he is/ things are"

Nick could honestly just be summed up in his impact as a *a systematic bad thing happens again and again* "thats just how things are, get over it" sorta thing or a "Heart warming: student raises funds to prevent orphans from being sent to orphan grinder" and then no-one questions why the orphan grinder exists in the first place

He has been meticulously constructing his public image/ brand as "Old Nick"/ "The Spirit of Australian Christmas"

He is a liar, but he's a very good liar

His accent is fake, his laugh is fake, his public lore is fake and he's not even Australian he's British! (Which is arguably worst thing he has done)

He's basically been voice training to keep up a modern australian accent for years now, but his real accent is more of that 1700s british (which actually sounds different from modern a modern britsh accent) but sometimes he's has moments and his accent slips (mostly when he's yelling)

Has practiced his evil villain laugh so hard, like its a good villain laugh but if you listen hard you can tell its not real

Genuinely so fucking embarrassed by his actual laugh which i can only describe as if a goose that has been smoking a pack a day was being strangled to death

I kinda go back an forth on Nicks upbringing sometimes, because I kinda feel I went the kinda overplayed sorta tragic backstory; but also growing up in 1700s England was probably not fun if you weren't rich and also have you ever met a miserable boomer who does the whole "kids these days are too damn soft back when I was a kid *recounts an incredibly traumatizing event*!" Thing? Yeah he probably does that a lot and it makes everyone kinda uncomfortable

Maybe orphaned? Probably had brothers because he has strong younger brother "your oppressing me by giving me a task" energy (btw this relates to a super stupid hc that im not gonna share because its incredibly dumb)

Expressed a lot of attention seeking behavior from a young age, would purposefully get into trouble so someone would notice him

This behavior followed him into adult life and it would just keep getting worst and worst, like getting into bar fights that he would definitely lose and petty crime

Eventually he just kept ramping up the severity of his crimes till he actually had a warrant/ bounty placed for his arrest

To avoid getting arrested he became a sailor in his late 20s and jumped between ships and trades up until his 50s/60s

Eventually he was arrested and then get shipped off to Australia

After a few months he stuck there he was like "actually, fuck this" and started plotting an escape

He stole a boat and with his previous knowledge from being a sailor he was so full of himself he thought he did single-handedly sail and navigate back Britain or a British sympathetic colony and then lay low for the rest of his life

Of course he didn't happen and due to the fact he is stupid he got stranded in antarctic and the rest is history

If you wanna know how we got from "random crusty criminal" to "Spirit of Australian Christmas" you have to stick around for my shit ass comic and videos fucker

anyway where was i, Nick proceeded to twists that into "Yeah i totally meant to do discover antarctic, even though i was a 1780s peasant who would have not have even known that antarctic was even thing" he kinda sorta dropped the rest of it and made up more shit Homelander style

I don't believe that Nick was like well off in anyway when he was still mortal, and despite being just bludgeoned over the head with the effects of classism and a nightmare capitalist hell society he developed this horrible idolization of the rich and developed this almost "by your bootstraps" mentality but with like the brutality rich bushiness owners would treat there workers, where he though if he became horrible and ruthless he could trample and climb on the backs of his fellow men till he made it to that oh so coveted high society life.

probably doesn't help he would do absolutely anything for money either

and the thing is he made it, he's just unfathomably rich(that is till all those gambling debts catch up to him...) he got what he wanted, he got he's gotten all the money and attention he could have wanted... and yet he's miserable, nothing will ever be enough for him.

Throw back motif that's still my favorite- "decaying luxury". Nick is like obviously rich as fuck and yet just refuses to fix anything, like his sweater has so many little holes in it he just stopped bothering to fix, he's patched his pants so many times, stairs worn down to the point the rug is thread bear and the wood is dented, intricate arsenic and lead laced wallpaper that's now water damaged and peeling, his favorite chair's seams are ripped, and the stuffing and springs are just compressed and flat to the point its not even comfortable to sit in anymore. Like he can fix it, he has the money, and yet he just won't for some reason.

Oh speaking of arsenic and lead- mans is just absolutely FULL of lead, arsenic, asbestos, any other harmful thing the Victorians where just absolutely HUFFING

tangent on a tangent, i really associate him with the Victorian era despite him being born in the 1700s, maybe its the child labor, maybe its the stupid chops, he just looks like he should be in super tall neck-line and doing coke for a headache

Nick is just both incredibly self absorbed but also so fucking insecure, like very big insecure man makes his problems everyone else's problem and take his out on other people to feel better about himself energy

He's just so vain too, like i image he's just obsessed with himself and his image, probably doesn't help he's quite literately has been decomposing for like the last two centuries (IT WILL BE EXPLAINED WHY LATER I PROMMY) so he just has this like incredibly extensive Patrick Bateman ass self-care routine so he doesn't get moldy

#hey have you ever wanted to listen to the ramblings of a fucking mad man? here you go bc god does writing this out make me sound crazy #i did not expect to hit char limit with this dear god... #and for a guy that hasn't been relevant since 2011 #im genuinely so nervous to post this bc this is just so much but this is what its like in my head 24/7 i have to live like this #tf2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 old nick #from the mouth of madness #old nick tf2

[trashquisitor-shirozora]

Full-on disclaimer for anyone who's never seen the disclaimers on my Star Wars fics - I never saw ROTS (I've tried, I've fucking tried, but retaining knowledge of TPM and AOTC to understand ROTS is impossible when my mind just wanders the fuck away during every attempt at a marathon PT watch), I only saw a handful of TCW episodes to study Satine and Mandalore, I never saw Rebels, I haven't seen TOTJ, and my non-OT/ST/Mandoverse/Andorverse/Kenobi/TBOBF/Solo knowledge comes from getting lost in the Wookeepedia, fandom osmosis, and several years playing SW Galaxy of Heroes.

The point is, I have half-baked knowledge and I am trying really hard and I can see the little kernels of interest and intrigue and "A ha! that's a Star Wars!" and my concluding thought for the 3rd episode of Ahsoka is, "FUCK YEAH, SPACE WHALES!!!"

Can someone just.... please explain the fuck to me what Dave is doing here with Ahsoka and Sabine? I don't know if it's the "Sabine thinks the best way to honor and also find Ezra is to become like him" or the whole "everyone has the Force Actually but you need talent, training, and some other fucking thing that sounds exactly like all the times I've been scolded for not trying hard enough thanks to my ADHD brain so that's fucking cool" bit. I don't know if it's that interview press tour thingy where Daisy told Domhnall that even Hux has the Force! Everyone has the Force! The Force is in all of us! We can all become the Jedi! I don't know if it's George's original idea that everyone can use the Force but not everyone does that eventually got changed to "a certain number of midichlorians in your blood gets you into the Jedi Temple". Or is it the whole "the Force is female" campaign? Is it Disney saying, "You can be a Jedi, too!" Are we Spider-man-ing the Jedi? Is that's what's going on? What the fuck is going on? Someone please tell me how we got from "the Force is in all living things and some people are able to sense and use the Force" to "the Force is in all living things and also everyone is capable of sensing and using the Force with the right amount of discipline and training and desire/'can do' attitude" because it feels like I'm being lied to. I'm being fucking bamboozled about what I know about Star Wars.

I don't even know what to say about the spacesuit. Just a lot of hysterical laughter maybe. Cool idea and I bet the concept designs were real fun but still. Hysterical laughter.

Slap some green hair on a kiddo and call him half-Twi'lek. OKAY THEN. Brilliant character design y'all got going. I guess you'd rather invest in the Volume than practical FX and makeup and shit?????

You know that feeling where you have all these thoughts and feelings and WORDS at the tip of your tongue but you lack the vocabulary or the fucking memory to hold that vocabulary and use it well? That's what I'm experiencing after watching Hera argue poorly with Mon and the Senators (they just formed the band and it's not going well, or so they say). This characterizing of bureaucracy, politicians, government is useless, clunky, stubborn, foolish, naive, soft, obstinate for no reason other than to hinder the rogueish hero, is such a tired, cheap trope. Haven't we learned enough from American copaganda shows? Haven't we learned from watching our hero cops and detectives bending and breaking rules to catch the bad guys while the Internal Affairs people are antagonists, rule-abiding busybodies who don't see that they're only getting in the way of our intrepid heroes catching the real bad guys?! Politics is messy and it is complicated and it is hard and it does have people who did sit on the sidelines during the war but to villainize them just because they didn't fight in the war, they didn't lose friends and family and Kanan, they won't give our general what she wants? Or do these senators already have history in the GFFA that I would've already known if I already watched some other TV shows or read the 'pedia religiously?

I thought the first 2 seasons of the Mando Show explored the post-OT galaxy pretty well. I liked how Din and Greef called the New Republic "a joke" and insinuated that they were unreliable and can't be counted upon to protect little Outer Rim worlds like Nevarro from Imperial remnants. It gave the impression of a baby Republic that is trying hard but struggling and their patrols are stretched so thin because of Mon's decision to demilitarize the Republic, and that's why they're such a non-presence out here in the Outer Rim. That's why Carson went out of his way to recruit Cara. She's been out here, she's done shit, she knows shit, she knows the lay of the land, she can be the eyes and ears that Carson and the New Republic can't be. You can build so fucking much out of these little interactions and conversations... but Dave & Jon chose to make things easy for themselves by characterizing the New Republic as incompetent, feckless, nonsensible, cruel, decadent, apathetic, uncaring, utterly useless to our very active rogueish heroes. They fast-tracked the New Republic's downfall to make it so much easier to prop up our heroes, and for what? To remind us that in the end it all doesn't fucking matter because Starkiller Base blows it all up anyway?

At least, at least, make it look like our heroes fucking tried to rebuild the galaxy after the Empire fell. At least make the New Republic fumbling and earnest but ultimately weighed down by so many voices demanding that they be prioritized in the rebuilding. Mon's government inherited a really fucking bad situation but at least have them reach halfway to something that she and Leia can be proud of before the infighting started and political factions started ripping down all that hard-fought and hard-won progress. Talk about the fucking whiplash from the despair and hope of Andor to whatever the fuck Mandalorian Season 3 showed us and whatever the fuck Ahsoka is continuing to show us.

Anyway.

I get that having a droid sidekick is the Cool Star Wars Thing To Do, but should Huyang really be treated as a sidekick and an expodumper? He really fucking should have gone to Ossus with Luke but nah, leave that fucking loser to his own business ignoring Ahsoka and Hera trying to stop a new war that nobody believes is actually going to happen. I mean, if you really think about it, did Hera really sell anything to these senators? It seems to me that all they see is a general who has only known war and will only ever see war around every corner, in every nook and cranny, under every bed. Of course they're going to be fucking skeptical and of course they're going to question her request for even more resources to find Ezra and maybe stop Thrawn, and the fucking answer, Hera Syndulla, is to not question if these people ever fought in the Rebellion and shame them for the sacrifices they did not make. This is such fucking cheapsass writing and it really sucks all the fun out of the episode.

Speaking of fun, how about them space whales! Bring them back, Felony. I want space whales and I want space cats. Give me purrgils and lothcats all day, every day.

I can't stop thinking about Disney's decision to give Ahsoka a primetime slot. I can't stop thinking about why that show got a primetime slot and not any of the other ones. Is it the numbers? Are they trying to catch a particular kind of crowd? What are the numbers, Disney? Why won't you show us the numbers? Where the fuck are the numbers, Disney? What are you afraid of? What are you hiding? What won't you tell your writers and your actors, Disney? What aren't you saying?

Anyway, space whales rule and I got other goddamn shit to do like keep writing my own ideas on a post-OT galaxy through fic.

P.S. The way Ray just fucking oozes charisma even if he was only there for like 2 minutes. And Diana remains fantastic. I love her brand of villainy even if I'm still baffled by her being a human Witch. What the fuck.

#ahsoka critical #ahsoka show spoilers #i'm sorry for the thoughts i had but not really because this is my blog and i do what i want

[middlespacekingdom]

it's wild that in quiet moments as i reflect on winding down a long high-level competition belaying career i realize that i've learned to never be cocky

i've done cocky in the past and usually for reason

it's because i've done a few things really well in my life...some say i've been the world's best at some things

(honestly, who knows if i've been "world's best" at anything, but i've always felt that i've had to do better because i've always manufactured areas and reasons to be better)

but sometimes cocky best serves a particular situation or a particular activity

not belaying...belaying, man...one bad belay, one lapse, one poor judgement, one missed safety check can ruin your career and will absolutely destroy your reputation

and reputation is all that matters in high level competition belaying; when world class athletes at world championships say, "I was hoping I'd get you" OR "Oh, now I can go for it!" OR when the entire Male Junior Championship finalists beg you to belay their category...

reputation makes champions

one bad belay and you just have to bow out of the activity and become a "fan" because all trust is gone--people whispering behind your back that you've lost it

one bad belay and athletes who used to do the riskiest shit because you were on the other end of the string now perform worse because they don't know if you can catch risky anymore

reputations are built from repetitions: repetitions make reputations

reps make reps

and people who know apparently really know and will tell you so

just this weekend and mostly on the field of play as i’m either taking athletes to their approaches or settling them down after:

a Collegiate athlete asked me how i got so good

a Collegiate athlete thanked me for being at the event and said it meant a lot to everyone

a Collegiate athlete told me that i was his first belayer at his first comp

the Youth Qualifier Head Setter told me i was his first belayer at his first Elite Comp

a parent walked up to me to, "…just say I wanted to meet you and also thank you because I've seen you everywhere"

but best of all, a young Youth Qualifier demanded of me, "Now don't deck me!"

my colleagues may have laughed but i respected her and respected the moment and i assured her that i would belay the best i could

we're morose goofballs all of the time and we're whiny divas some of the time but we're still not cocky about belaying--we may perform cocky but it's not about our belaying

we know that confidence serves us better than cocky

we also have to decompress sometimes and that sometimes becomes extremely silly--everyone knows this

what people don't know is that the best of us are absolute belay nerds; students of the art, intellectuals, artists, dancers, the like

what people don't know is that the best of us spend time practicing comp belaying and we are constantly bolstering our minds and bodies (apparently reflex and agility training is belaying too)

to belay

the greats just walk away when it's their time to walk away on their very own terms like Barry Sanders or my mentor

i'm still learning from my mentor

safe • consistent • professional is the only three things that matter--skill, instinct, reflex, and performance are all wrapped into those three words: safe • consistent • professional

[cavalcleave]

A New Look, A New Wyn

Warnings: Wyn is conflicted about their change in weight at first, might be too real idk. | Characters: Monsterwyn, Doc (guest character belonging to @/bunquest) | Word-count: 2,900 | AN: Got obsessed with weight gain as a sign of healing, blame lauren.

---

It had been a while since Monsterwyn had gotten a good look at themself in the mirror. Although today it wasn't hatred or disgust they felt looking at themself… but confusion. It seems like they had put on some weight since they last had a look.

"What…? When did I start gaining weight? I'm dead, yet I can still gain weight and grow hair." They think, pinching a bit of their newly acquired fat to gauge how much is there. "I must be getting too comfortable… but it won't be hard to fix. Though it's only a little bit of fat… maybe it's not a big deal. Ugh but if I leave it it'll get worse! If it took me this long to notice then I won't realize until I'm unfit for combat."

They get closer to their reflection, shaking their head. Doc starts to come to mind, as does Hale. "Doc isn't unhealthy though, and Hale still fights… so is Malcer wrong about this whole staying in shape thing? No… it still makes sense, I keep myself in good condition to be a weapon, and Annie wants me to be her weapon! So I've got to get back to training and stuff… which means I probably should stop hanging out with Doc so much for a bit. I could probably have breaks with her though, since I don't sleep most of the time I could practically have break days with her." They think, already making their way to the ZPA's indoor gym.

"If I'm quick it'll go back to normal and no one will notice and I won't have to be embarrassed that I let it get this far in the first place. What kind of weapon isn't kept in good shape? Not me, I'll be sure of it. Hopefully this stuff still works on me, otherwise what else could have caused this? It can't be Doc's food, normal food doesn't fill my hunger so why would it make me gain weight? Or maybe that's the catch? I don't know…" Monsterwyn mumbles to themself as they start exercising. "As long as Doc doesn't stumble into me doing this, it'll be fine. Because she's not unfit, I'm the one who's unfit, I need to fix it because it's wrong for me, not her. But she'll feel bad if she thinks it was her food or if she thinks I don't like her being fat. Probably have to deal with it on my own then, but that's fine, because Malcer already taught me how to deal with it. I'll be in peak condition in no time, and Doc won't notice a thing!"

---

It had been the middle of her shift, Maldwyn hasn't been back from the bathroom in almost 20 minutes. But she tried not to worry, they usually got easily distracted by other people. It was normal for them to bother someone else for a little bit then come back.

Doc sighed, "They're probably fine, unless they punched the mirror again I guess. Maybe I'll check up on them in another 20 minutes."

It wasn't that she was jealous or anything of other people hanging out with them. But she was so used to their presence that it was honestly a bit jarring when they weren't around. They usually came back relatively quickly enough so, she's never had reason to worry.

Eventually those 20 minutes passed and she checked the bathroom. They weren't there, and the mirrors were still intact. So they were likely off having fun elsewhere.

Then 40 minutes became an hour and that hour became two hours, then 3 hours. It was starting to get close to the end of her shift and she was getting worried, where was Monsterwyn? She decided to go on break to search for them, asking around and looking in their favorite spots. She got increasingly worried when she couldn't find them in any of those. But eventually she started looking in more unconventional places, she would've heard about a sparring match if it was planned so maybe they had an impromptu one? So she decided to check the gym.

---

They felt exhausted and their muscles felt like they were in agony. Maybe they should've eased into it more over the course of a few days. But that wasn't their priority, they were imperfect, it had to be fix no matter the cost. The pain would be temporary, and so what if they pulled a muscle or something? They could put it back.

Their thoughts get interrupted by Doc coming into the gym, so they try to look busy, and not stressed at her arrival. But their exhausted muscles aren't doing them any favors as she comes over.

"Wyn! There you are!" Doc exclaims. "I was getting worried, I thought you would be coming back to hang out. But you're here exercising, I never see you do that. Have you been here the whole time?"

Monsterwyn does their best to collect themself, if they slip up they might make her upset. "Yeah, yeah. It's just… something I wanted to do." They start panting, doing their best to continue.

"You seem pretty tired, are you stressed about something and that's why you're here doing this?" Doc asks.

"What? No, it's fine! I'm fine! Don't worry!" They practically blurt out desperately. Their blood would have run cold if it could be any other temperature than cold in the first place.

"She noticed, didn't she? Shit, I should have been more careful. Maybe this was a bad idea, but it's how I've always been. Why wouldn't I want to go back once it's different. She can't blame me for that… and maybe Malcer will actually respond when I try to do our usual chat one day…" Monsterwyn thinks, panicking.

"Just try not to overexert yourself, I don't need a reason to give you a checkup early." Doc replies, giving them a smile. "Anyway, I'm going to clock out soon. So you're free to hang out at my place."

This eases them, but not by much. "Does she know? She might… but even if she doesn't, she's not stupid, she'll figure it out. Maybe I'm going too fast right now anyway…"

"Yeah, of course I'll hang out with you, Sweet Tooth!" Monsterwyn says, bounding after her as she walks to the parking lot.

When she unlocks the doors and they sit inside, they unconsciously let out a sigh of relief.

"Tired huh?" Doc says teasingly. "That's what that much exercise will do to you!"

Monsterwyn laughs along as she starts to drive.

---

Doc's worry about Monsterwyn had mostly melted away, though now that she's gotten a closer look since they're right next to her… haven't they gained weight? Maybe they had always been like that and she never paid it much mind. Though the thought made her concerned.

"They trust me a lot, so maybe they'll talk to me about it. Hopefully it's not too serious." Doc thinks.

---

Later during the night, it's all they can think about. Lying in Doc's bed, Monsterwyn is conflicted.

"God this was an awful idea, why did I do that? I'm so stupid she totally knows. Maybe I should just… let it happen and maybe no one will notice and it won't affect anything… cause she didn't say anything about it… and it's obvious. But maybe it won't be bad, and I can probably fix it if I don't like it, right…?" Monsterwyn thinks. "Yeah, that sounds better. I probably shouldn't worry about getting rid of it all at once, Doc will probably notice if I pull that again."

"Wyn! Dinners ready!" Doc calls from the kitchen. For a moment they hesitate but opt to go eat.

"It's not Doc's food, it can't be, it doesn't fill me at all. But I could maybe figure out if it does affect my weight if I keep at it… but I should lay low for a bit… Doc is probably suspicious of me." Monsterwyn thinks.

Doc is serving the food and putting them on the table. She smiles warmly when they arrive. "Since you're less of a messy eater now we could probably watch tv while we eat if you want. I don't mind either way." She suggests.

"Tv is nice… but it's still a little overwhelming… I'd like to stay in here… maybe if it was just the popcorn stuff… it's like crunching bones!" Monsterwyn replies.

"I'll keep that in mind." Doc says, starting to sit down to eat.

Monsterwyn does the same, eating with the same ravenous attitude they usually have.

"Is the problem my normal eating habits? But they're still pretty much the same… I only sometimes eat a meal early. So maybe it's the extra blood I get for bedtime? But that isn't all that much is it?" Monsterwyn thinks, starting to get frustrated when…

Doc cuts through their thoughts like butter. "You seem really tense… is something wrong?" She asks.

"Huh? No, no it's fine! I said it before too, Don't worry!" Monsterwyn says. "It's no big deal, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You can trust me with anything, Wyn. I won't get weirded out… I promise." Doc insists.

"... But if I can deal with something on my own, why should I bother you about it?" Monsterwyn asks.

"Don't be silly, Wyn you'd never bother me!" Doc says reassuringly.

Monsterwyn shifts nervously, "But what if it's stupid…"

"Your problems are never stupid sweetheart." Doc replies.

"Still though, it's nothing to worry about. I can handle it on my own, and you can relax and keep doing your job." Monsterwyn says.

"Whaaaat? C'mon wyn." Doc insists. "You can trust me. C'monnnnn."

"It's not that interesting…" Monsterwyn replies, getting confused.

"So? Mundane stuff is a part of life. It's ideal for me. So c'mon, you can be casual with me!" Doc says.

"The mundane stuff I'm supposed to do is help you with the dishes after we eat. Not talk about problems I'll solve on my own." Monsterwyn says.

Doc finishes up her food, then takes her plate to the sink. "Y'know I don't usually finish before you. I wonder what's the matter, you're always ravenous… C'mon Wyn, we're so close… I tell you all about the problems I have."

"You usually have less serious problems than this….." Monsterwyn replies, "It's like… other than the brief break up… you usually don't have problems…. I never see you mad…"

"C'mon wyn, you say it's not a big deal and now it's serious?" Doc says, approaching them, she very carefully nuzzled them, as to not make them mess up eating. She wasn't quite used to doing it to them, but they liked to do it affectionately so she had taken to doing it back to them. "C'mon… Nothing is too little of a problem. Bitching about problems is very important to the general social sphere."

"... Doc… If I tell you this, I feel like you'll feel… insulted…" Monsterwyn says, looking away guiltily.

"What? Wyn, trust me, there's very little things you could have a problem with that would hurt me. I'd understand…" Doc replies.

"Well… I um…" Monsterwyn nervously said, hesitating. 

"Should I tell her? She keeps saying she won't feel insulted but… I'm still basically going to say to her face that I think being fat is unhealthy! So what do I do? Should I go with it? Maybe if I insulted her I'd stop relaxing and being soft and do what I'm usually supposed to do, be a weapon." Their thoughts race through their mind.

Yet Doc still patiently awaits their response.

Monsterwyn sighs, their face flushing red with embarrassment. "Doc I'm… gaining weight and… I think that's bad. Not that I like… think it's bad for you to be fat I just… I'm supposed to be a weapon, I'm supposed to stay in shape so I can efficiently destroy anything I need to. Yet I'm failing! I'm losing my fine edge and I don't know how to feel… it's obviously bad on my part but then why am I so conflicted…. I don't know… Is it bad that I'm thinking this way? That I want to get rid of it?"

"Wyn… it's okay… sometimes your body will change and you won't like it. It doesn't make you bad for it. I'll support you as long as you're happy and going about it in a healthy way. I just want you to remember, being fat isn't bad, it's not a moral failing on your part that you're gaining weight. I mean you don't need to be efficient as long as the job gets done, right?" Doc says reassuringly. "I mean, maybe give it a little time? Maybe it'll be nice to not worry about it and you can get used to it. It's not like Annie is making you stay 'in shape' y'know?"

"... I guess so…" Monsterwyn replies. "Do you ever worry about this stuff…? That you'd like… would get to people faster?"

Doc softly chuckles. "Oh heavens no, it's not like Annie is deploying me on DCT missions where that would matter. Plus, I'm not sure if my healing is fast enough for those to make a difference, nevermind that I don't have combat experience. Do you know when the last time I weighed myself was? Well you can tell me, because I don't remember! I'm pretty happy as is."

Monsterwyn is silent for a good long moment, contemplating this. "That makes sense… because they can always come to you as well… Sorry for not telling you… I thought maybe it'd feel insulting because y'know… you're fat and I'd basically say I didn't want to be like you to your face." They say apologetically, letting out a whine.

"Oh, sweetheart… it's okay… you can come talk to me about any problem you're having, I promise." Doc replies, getting closer to give them a kiss on the head.

"Thanks Doc…" Monsterwyn says, purring. They then pull her into a hug, holding her tightly. "I trust you… I'll give it some time and try to take it easy… I don't know if I can but… I have you, and you're my best friend. You're always kind to me."

Doc smiled, it was rare for Monsterwyn to initiate hugs first, so they must really mean it. "I'll help in any way I can, just remember, you're not a failure for gaining a little, okay?" She says.

"Okay, okay… I'll try…" Monsterwyn replied.

---

Over the course of the next few weeks, Monsterwyn continued to gain weight. This seemed to have an added side effect of making them sleepy outside of drinking blood. So they often napped at their mini desk besides Doc's, when this happens she always makes sure to grab their heated blanket and tuck them in.

They also seemed to have a little less hangups about bellyrubs after being reassured that she wouldn't make fun of them for liking it.

"Are you sure it's not weird…?" Monsterwyn asked.

"Of course not, you have a ton of animalistic behaviors, this falls into that. It's not weird, even though you're fat now." Doc said in return. "Just because you like it more now doesn't make it weird."

It still embarrassed Monsterwyn a bit when their new weight was pointed out. But everyone was slowly getting used to it as normal. To the point where they didn't think about it nearly as much as when they started gaining weight.

It wasn't really an issue for missions either, they still got kills in, and earned their meal. Their boosting around was still at the same speed, and they didn't need it to get any kills.

They seemed happy, and that was enough for Doc. Who only thought it was strange when seeing them both in the mirror next to each other. Monsterwyn was kind of starting to look a lot like her, but maybe she was imagining it. They also looked at themself in the mirror and for the first time, didn't seem to react violently towards their reflection. They looked at themself with a more curious gaze, as if surprised by their progress.

"How do you feel about it now?" Doc would later ask them as they laid in bed together.

Monsterwyn let out a hum as they thought about it. "Well, I don't feel bad about it… I think. I'm still not sure, but I can stay like this I guess. It's fine, I think I kinda like it." They replied.

"That's nice. I'm glad you're happy with it. Being patient is helpful with these kinds of things, since you might just need to get used to it." Doc says.

"I just didn't realize I'd change so much. Even my claws are different… even if it's just a bit. I'm just lucky my clothes aren't completely real I guess… they would've ripped more if they weren't. It's nice, even if I'm still getting sleepy for some reason? I'm still not sure why that's happening…." Monsterwyn says. "Maybe Annie will finally figure it out soon!"

"Maybe she will, until then I'll keep you nice and cozy whenever you fall asleep." Doc says.

After that, Monsterwyn drinks their blood thermos, decorated in some stickers they liked. And the two of them drift off to sleep together. Monsterwyn cozily curled up on Doc, and likewise Doc hugging them in her sleep like a teddy bear.

#original writing #monsterwyn #zpa monsterwyn #guest character #doc

[wool-f]

Wellness: Through & Through - Pilates and Running Update

Hello friends! 

This week I'm going to return to the beginning of my health and wellness experiment that I started last year and talk about pilates. 

To the people who know me and who read this blog please forgive me because no I cannot shut up about pilates, but I seriously can't stop. 

It's been one year since I began practicing pilates and I am completely embedded in the cult-like practice and seriously can't stop talking about it. 

But in any case, I've been doing pilates five times a week for the last 12 months and I've noticed amazing results in that time both mentally and physically. 

Since the start of this experiment I have done a lot of things to improve my health and general wellbeing, but pilates is the one thing that has stayed in my routine. 

In celebration of this, I've decided to really challenge myself over the next three weeks and run a half marathon while also completing a 5x5 challenge being done by my pilates studio. 

If you're interested in my plan and current progress, keep reading here! 

Ok so, like I said, I've been doing pilates for 5 days a week every week (except for the period between July - September when I was of course, travelling), and to say I haven't noticed the difference in my body would be a huge lie.

I have said it before and I will reiterate it now, I don't believe in exercising for only aesthetic reasons - I think it's a dangerous way to exist and can easily spiral into disordered eating and other problematic behaviours that can negatively affect health. However, I have noticed a huge difference in my body since beginning pilates. When I started the practice I was in a really bad mental state, I had put on weight and was doing next to no exercise at all. I needed a shock to my system. When I saw my body in comparison to what I looked like a mere eight months prior, I was shocked. Flabbergasted. Taken aback by how much I had let myself go mentally that I didn't notice the physical change in myself. It was like looking at myself with clear eyes again. 

 I got a really good deal at my studio as they had just opened and started going a few times a week. I slowly upped the days I would go until now where I try to get there at least 5 times, if not more. I have noticed that I am not only stronger, more lean and definitely slightly more muscular, but I have also dropped a significant amount of bloatedness and weight around my stomach, back and arms. 

The more important factors of difference for me however, have been the mental health changes I have noticed. I am happier and more focused and have so much more clarity in my daily thoughts and tasks. My sleep is much deeper and of better quality and in general I am just a much more healthy person. 

I enjoy the practice of pilates as a whole and the instructors at my studio are amazing, which definitely makes a difference for me. 

On to the half marathon. 

I began running properly in the Covid lockdowns, despite a lifetime telling myself that I hated running and that I was bad at it. Now I'm fully in the cult of running as well. This year I made a resolution that I would run a half marathon, and I decided to finally bite the bullet and sign up for one in the last month of the year. 

I will be running 21kms on December 3rd in Melbourne and I have started training properly (a bit later than I should have but better late than never) while also doing a pilates challenge, which means I'll be doing two types of strenuous exercise twice a day. 

I've been attempting to run most days now for two weeks. This hasn't gone off to the best start but I've been trying! 

I definitely have had to up my food intake and water intake and I'll be purchasing electrolyte jellies to try out before the big day. 

I'll update you all as I go along and if you want to get in the moment or more consistent updates, head over to my instagram and tiktok!

Otherwise, I'll be back next week with another blog post and as always please let me know if there is anything specific you want to hear/read about, I want this blog to be like a conversation with you all.

Love always,

G xx

#5am club #5am thoughts #5am wakeup #lifestyle #lifestyleblogger #slifestyle blog #lifestyle change #level up #level up lifestyle #levellingup #melbourneblogger #australianblogger #discoverunder1k #change #motivation #morning mindfulness #improvement #manifestation #meditation #exercise #health #mental health #corporate life #that girl #that girl aesthetic #clean girl #clean girl aesthetic #high value woman #high value life #high value lifestyle

[kenobster]

Hey - just wanted to send a note after your last post bc I didn't interact with your Vader mpreg posts and wanted to explain why ,- it's not at all because I find you grotesque or any of those other terrible things!! I love your writing, I'm just in an Obi-Wan whump hyperfixation rn and scroll past anything that doesn't mention him 😭 I'm so sorry, it was never my intention to dig up any bad thoughts!! Sending you hugs ❤️

Hey friendo ❤️ Thanks for the ask and for sharing your feelings with me! I'm super grateful for your reassurance, you are very kind. I also really want you and everyone else to understand that y'all did absolutely nothing wrong. (Radiates huge hug energy for everyone!)

Like, I have scrolled past many a post without interacting with it. Sometimes I've even scrolled past posts that I want to interact with but am simply having a bout of executive dysfunction for whatever reason. There've also been many, many, many times (practically every time honestly) in which I do not reach the end of my dash by the end of the day and countless posts are lost to the whims of time because of it. And yeah, people will try to make us feel guilty for that. People who are hurting will especially try to make us feel guilty for that. There is post after post after post after post on this website demonizing people who don't comment or reblog for "ruining fandom." But those posts aren't being fair. Those posts are just coming from people who are hurting.

The truth is that life just be like this sometimes.

Regarding the other thing you said, I am well aware people follow me for a variety of interests! I know that not everyone shares my interest in horrifying atrocities against trainwreck villains, and that's fabulously okay with me. :) I like having differing dimensions and moods and places to exist. It's good for rainy days like today! And I'm very grateful that my broad spectrum of interests doesn't stop you from enjoying the things I post that you are interested in; that makes me incredibly relieved to hear!!

But yeah, so an interaction with a post about, say, Every Shadow isn't an interaction stolen from Vader's uterus. At least, not in my mind. It's true that I may be having feelings right now that are first affecting my ability to work on tamer/more popular interests -- but that doesn't mean I've forgotten every single wonderful person who has conveyed enjoyment of those interests! To the contrary, those people (you included!) make very happy and will continue to make me happy and have no bearing on my sad feelings in any way whatsoever. I enjoy asks about shadow AU and reblogs of Every Shadow chapters and likes of my dumb hot takes just as much today as I will next week and as I did last year. Yo, yesterday, someone even commented on one of the first Loki fanfics I ever wrote (back in 2014!), and even that gave me pure and utter joy. Believe it or not, there's no possible interaction any single one of you could have with me that could dig up bad thoughts or otherwise hurt me. So please don't ever feel like my sad feelings are reflective of anything anyone did or didn't do. <3

My sad feelings are a Me Problem, not a fandom problem. And sometimes Me Problems are nobody's fault. Sometimes people feel bad or need to take steps to preserve their mental health, and it's only the fault of some stupid brain chemicals trained to cause certain illogical reactions. But I'm gonna be fine, anon, so you keep being you. :)

#huge hug energy or #if you prefer #HHE #lmao #anyway #I uninstalled tumblr from my phone but my work computer is unable to block my dumbass from websites #and i have the self discipline of a gnat #so i saw this during a work break and i was like nuuuuuuuu anon <3333 #and wanted to reassure #also I noticed some other asks and messages and reblogged tags and stuff too! and I read all of them and greatly appreciate them #and I will answer everybody when I don't feel like total ass lol #thank u so much T_T <3 #answer #anon