#and it should not be a personality test either or morals test in the end

[tarjapearce]

Chapter 2: So Not Ready For This World

Miguel O'Hara x f!Reader

WARNINGS: Angst, mentions of abortion, emotional distress, unwanted pregnancy, pregnancy symptoms, little character background, morally ambiguous characters, enemies to lovers, morally grey characters, slow burn, No proofread.

Summary: The devastating consequences knock on your door.

Previous Masterlist

Chapter's Song:

A/N: Ngl, proud of this one :'). Comments and reblogs are highly appreciated ✨

Sleep was rather easy to escape your head as time went on. Guiltiness had made your eyes tired, dull and the eyebags a bit more prominent. It had earned you a little reprimand from your upper boss, a reminder that appearances were important and you were slacking.

But how could you focus on something so trivial and mundane when your mind was always gravitating towards Miguel and Dana? Ever since the biting truth unfolded before your eyes those days ago, your head was unable to unwrap around it.

Was this a barbed joke from the universe you weren't aware of?

A tired sigh escaped your lips, hands rubbing a bit too tightly on your enfeebled face. As if such thing would wash away the guilty and hounding thoughts for good.

Miguel O'Hara. He worked in the labs, another reason why you had never seen him before, lab people came out an hour earlier, but he either stayed behind or was too sneaky for you to actually get a glimpse of him.

But after the predicament, he had been leaving at five exactly, hand in hand with Dana, parading themselves before everyone. You specially. A daily caveat to keep you pretty mouth shut. He didn't approach you, no. But you felt watched, stalked with the eyes, a bit harassed even whenever the clock ticked 5 pm.

Dana worked in the new market agro department, she came out at five, and by the hour difference you assumed Miguel waited for her.

How cute.

Your lip twitched in a scowl. Anger rising like bile at the impotence and powerless feeling of doing nothing. Dana deserved the truth, even though you'd come out as the sacrificial lamb in the end. You might not be the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but none deserved to be kept in the shadows like that.

You didn't know if they had troubles, but cheating was surely off the book for her or any normal person really. No engaged woman should go through that.

But those eyes. Sinister, warning, preying with an ominous promise in them prevented you from spilling the truth.

Miguel didn't have to approach you to make his point known and understood. But it left you with a myriad of emotions you were tired of feeling. From time to time you wished to be as cold and hollow-hearted as he was, so you could pretend that nothing had happened. Because for him it was exactly what had occurred. Nothing at all.

He was fine, Dana was fine and you-

Not fine at all but he didn't care. Why would he? Miguel took what he wanted from you, dragging you to this fucked up spiral of power dynamic where he had the upper hand and you could do nothing but fold and obey to a very clear yet silent order.

It wouldn't make the guilt and disgust go away, but you're certain that at how things are going for you, you'd get in trouble for slacking in cues that were required in your work contract.

Another guest approached. It was time to put the resolution to test.

The feeling of being stalked stopped after a couple of weeks, it didn't wane the guilt but you were learning how to live with it. A cruel joke you had no choice but swot on how to take it with a grain of salt to avoid fucking up ever again. One night stands were out of your list permanently.

In the few times you could catch him leaving the building he seemed at ease, sometimes he'd smile while looking at the wedding magazine Dana held in her dainty and manicured hands. She also appeared to be happy. Pretense maybe? You didn't know. For how long had they been together?

Long enough to get a ring on her finger, obviously.

With an exasperated groan you marched to your lunch break. The cafeteria's food seemed good and cheap enough to order the usual. Bit of mashed potatos, salad, and some other protein with either an iced tea or water, depending on your mood. You went for the tea.

A few bucks were used to eat, you sat in one of the available tables and ate. People in Alchemax were either too busy with themselves to actually care about the drama, or were exactly the opposite. Not that you blamed them. Science stuff surely provided them enough entertainment to go by, but you'd be tired too if your whole day revolved around numbers and hypothesis awaiting to be confirmed.

How did they do it was beyond your reasoning. Eyes scanned the area, the same group of men that approached you back at the party, passed over your seat without looking your way. As expected.

The fact that people had selective memory was something that filled your brain with wonder. Your musings however were interrupted by a gurgle in your stomach, appetite leaving you completely. Thankfully there wasn't much to be wasted. Had someone changed the ingredients? Not really.

Everything tasted like the usual. You downed the tea before disposing of the remains in a trash bin to then walk around the building, greeting some staff in the way. There wasn't many people you interacted with, perhaps your evening replacement. An intern called Anna and that still remained on debate cause of her constant mood swings towards you.

But within Alchemax in general, there was none really you wanted to engage with. Life happening too fast in their daily basis. Your thoughts were stopped in their racing tracks when you saw Miguel approaching. Two coffee papercups in his big hands.

Gulping, you didn't think twice in turning around where you had came from before he saw you, even if it meant to cross the whole building again to get to your work station.

Heartbeat raced miles per second, but you had avoided another unnecessary interaction with him. A relieved sigh escaped your lips once you were in your seat at the front desk. The day was nearly reaching it's end.

Something you now looked forward to. You'd be back holed up in your apartment, in the comfort of your privacy, away from worries. Watching either a movie or sleeping. Fatigue seemed a too heavy load to ignore, you blamed it to the stress and lack of sleep. A negative domino effect that had been unleashed thanks to a guy that didn't know how to keep it in his pants.

Your panties were slid down as you sat on the toilet, a frown on your face. Nothing but tiny spots of maroon. Your period was acting up again, but you couldn't really blame your body for slacking when the past month and a half had been awfully loaded with work.

New clients, a shit ton of appointments to schedule, reschedule and cancel; mail to organize, and food that you were sure it had given you a fair share of poison since you always seemed to be sick. And even though you had stopped consuming from the cafeteria, there was little changes.

The cherry on top was to get a memo after your manager had found you sleeping on the desk. Tiredness that day clung to you with such force you were amazed at your own capacity to make it through your eight hours. Only to crash on your bed once you were home.

But today, neither your mood, the universe, nor your body cooperated. You took a shower and put a little pad on your fresh set of panties. The diva cup would be unnecessary to wear since the discharge wasn't abundant, but packed a couple of tampons just in case. Expensive as they were, you couldn't go unprepared.

You changed, grabbed your things and went out the door, everything but ready to face the day that awaited you.

A wave of nausea hit you after you scarfed down a stuffed bagel on your way to work, you got there twenty minutes late due to your ride stuck in traffic, your car had been in repair for weeks now. Manager already awaiting with a sour face. Guests had lined up in the entrance, ready to express their contempt with you.

Fucking peachy.

Morning went in a haste, and you barely could catch a break, the need of peeing mixed with the thirst, and your boss reprimanding you didn't make it any better. Your body was juggling with so many things at once, that all you wanted to do was curl up in a bathroom stall and cry. It was overwhelming and you were sure the cortisol levels were shooting heavenwards.

Appetite came and go, and when your lunch break came you had settled for the idea of some soup, but the second you stepped a foot closer to the cafeteria, the many smells oppressed your senses, overriding your brain with so much information it had you folding and puking into the nearest trash bin.

Your skin turned sweaty, devoid of a healthy color for a moment, some other workers looked at you with a mild disgust on their faces, one woman offered you a napkin, a man suggested you to sit down while giving you a bit of water from a nearby oasis. Both from the research department.

"You got sick from the food too, huh?" You nodded while chugging down the little bottle's content.

"We're gathering some signatures to open an investigation. Would be like ten of us now that get food poisoning."

The woman chattered but her voice was distant, despite her being next to you. An acute whistle rang in your ears, unable to hear her as her voice kept fading until it was nothing but a muffled echo in an open space, your eyesight blurred to finally shut off.

Darkness swallowed you whole.

----

The dim lights of the room and the careful shuffling movements behind the dull, plastic gray curtain lulled you back to reality.

An icepack was put on your head, with a little groan and queasiness subsiding, you sat on the stretcher. Your movements alerted the doctor in turn.

"Welcome back. How you feel?"

A question laced with a little of concern in her gentle voice.

Your head rested on the wall for a second before panic rose again.

"Shit... I... I gotta go." Your eyes rubbed the drowsiness away in a haste as you spoke, trying to get off the bed.

"No, no. Don't worry, your manager is already aware of this. You're fine."

A nurse came in and took your vitals and other info like your blood pressure and weight. How come you had gained a couple of pounds when you had been in a constant food poisoning?

Ugh.

"Everything seems normal enough, have you been experiencing fevers? rashes or any other sort of discomfort?"

"None of that. Just puking and fatigue. A lot of it." The doctor nodded as the nurse prepared a kit for you, it alarmed you greatly she included a pregnancy test.

Horrified eyes immediately widened at the package.

"W-Why... Is there a pregnancy test?"

"We're discarding any other options. And in case it comes out positive, remember that maternity leave is one of your rights as a worker here in Alchemax."

She spoke so unbothered unaware of the unnerving thoughts that ran loose in your mind.

Maternity leave?

"Just talk to your manager to meet an arrangement."

You nodded stupidly. Too stunned to actually pry further. You were dispatched a few minutes later, instructions of going home loud and clear. Not a minute more was wasted before you packed up your things and went out the building almost running home.

It couldn't be. You couldn't be.

All those plaguing thoughts you had once held at bay, were making a triumphant and assailant comeback in your head. What if you were pregnant?

No. No. No.

Denial was one hell of a drug, and right now you were the worst junkie hooked on it, ready to lash out with teeth and claws to whoever bold enough to take it away. You saw Miguel putting a condom on. He didn't strike you as someone that would raw fuck strangers for shits and giggles. Much less get them pregnant.

I'm not pregnant.

It was repeated in your mind like a mantra in an infinite loop. You had stopped in a drugstore to get a pair of other pregnancy test brands, just in case the ongoing madness was just a big jumpscare, to teach you a lesson to keep the horniness with strangers at bay.

For once, traffic was lenient on you and you got your place within less than twenty minutes. Never in your life had you been more at ease to be home. A shaky breath flew between nervous pants.

You tossed the medical kit on the table, rummaging through the diverse array of pills and vitamins the nurse packed you in, to get towards your objective. The neatly purple packaged pregnancy test, along the other ones.

The lock in the bathroom was turned as you got in, shielding your possible biggest fuck up from prying eyes and silent judgement aimed your way. You prepared their tip and one by one were soaked and put over the sink as your hands were washed.

The most torturous and heinous task laid ahead. Waiting, something you clearly hadn't the patience for right now. Not when the nauseas had returned, not when everything around you seemed to be crumbling bit by bit, shaking your sanity foundations to their very core.

Motherhood wasn't in your short, mid or long term goals, it wasn't something you often thought about cause in truth, you were sure you'd never be a good mother. The lack of one and foster home surfing made sure to blur the concept too much to be recognizable anymore.

There were days where you barely could put up against yourself, and having a baby would not only be detrimental for your mental health, but it would ruin you financially. Unless you'd get a raise or a better job.

A baby would change for good years of devoted planning towards a better position in life, work included. You were to participate in the administration programs within Alchemax next month, to get out of the receptionist label, aiming for a more career oriented position.

And maybe just maybe, your college degree wouldn't be mere words backed up by a fancy carton, hung up in your living room's wall, but prove to be something useful for once.

You were set to make that neck deep debt worth it.

Head rested against the coolness of the crips white tiles, banging softly against the wall as if shaking the over thinking would make the worry dissipate. Lips dry and quivering pursed as your eyes bore into the plastic material that had ruined and rekindled several relationships a year.

And now that you had unknowingly taken a ticket of 'With what am I gonna ruin my life this time?' and your turn was on the hypothetical screen, shining with blinding colors, you had to draw out the dreading prize life was about to grant you.

You stood again and collected the tests after what it felt like forever. Sweat clung to you like a second skin, bile and sourness bloomed in your tongue after rising in the back of your throat. Shaky hands brought the little device to your focus, and for a second you forgot how to breath and think. Two parallel lines on each of them, glaring mockingly at you.

Positive

"No!" You moaned over and over while tears blurred your vision. Breath hitched only to be released in a heartbreaking and distressed wail as you threw the pregnancy test against the wall, holding yourself in a shaky and rickety embrace, trying with all your might to keep yourself together.

You were pregnant.

"Oh God, no" Your hands grope at your hair with strength. Riping it out would surely be less painful than trying to assimilate this new inflection point that just showed unannounced in your doorstep in the shape of a baby. You didn't want it.

You didn't want to be a mom. It wasn't your dream. You had prioritized so many things already to have a baby to tumble all what you had worked so far and hard, down and away from your hands. It wasn't fair.

Yet there you were, bawling and drowning in fear, curled and hunched in between the floor and the wall's tiles, hopes and dreams crushed in tiny shards impossible to glue back together right before your eyes. Just like your heart and brains, trying to not choke with your erratic cries and breathings.

You didn't want a child.

How could this have happened? You had seen Miguel roll the condom on. What if it was defective? Had it broke and you didn't notice? Was he even paying attention to it? Of course not. Neither of you were and now the consequences were here, undisputed and irrevocably present in the three positive pregnancy tests.

You didn't want a child and much less one conceived from such a gruesome lie.

Another doleful stab and a new wave of tears soaked your already drenched and flushed cheeks upon remembering Miguel.

He was engaged with a beautiful woman. A woman that was looking for wedding venues to fulfill her dream of getting married to the alleged love of her life.

How would she react if she knew her future husband had not only cheated on her, but also had gotten you knocked up? You didn't even want to think about it.

Because there was none else in the picture, not before or even after the one night stand. Miguel had been the only one you have had sex in a long time.

You didn't know what hurt and angered the most. Knowing you were pregnant, telling him even knowing the implications of such thing, or having to give up on your dreams before they even took off.

Your breath turned into panicky and antsy pants, body trembling and unable to get a grip on your faculties as angry and mourning tears rolled unceasingly.

All of them soul wrenching and ghastly options you weren't ready to make. Motherhood had been an alien concept for you, something you avoided, not out of fear, but out of the awareness of knowing what being a mother required.

You weren't ready to give up your independence yet or your lack of responsibility to none other but yourself. Much less face things alone beyond your knowledge.

Scorching tears mourned the lost future you were dotingly paving, now lost to the unwilling duty of motherhood. A duty that refused to be only yours. You needed two for a tango, and Miguel had to know.

He was as guilty as you were. You for ignoring the signals these past two months and he for knocking you up. It all made sense now, and for all you knew cafeteria's food was good. Pregnancy had been the culprit all along and not your stupid and hopeful reasoning of a food poisoning.

A cold and unforgiving chill ran down your spine upon the impromptu question that took life in your mind.

How far were you?

Another quivering sob echoed while your spine straightened properly against the wall, dread weighed your head down upon the sudden realization of the foreseeable expenses. Prenatal and neonatal doctors, pediatricians, clothes, baby formula, diapers, medicines, toiletries, vitamins for you and-

You retched in the bathroom once more. Nauseous tidal waves were set into making a misery party out of you. It took you a while to calm the fried nerves to wash your mouth and move from the bathroom to grovel back to your bed in between newfound whimpers.

You went under the sheets, hiding your fuck up from the ever judging world. Society was either too praising or too harsh with pregnant women, always contradicting itself. Single parents were the most stigmatized along affair babies, they weren't something you'd parade proudly. Not when the pay off of such twisted and heinous encounter was developing within your womb. Leeching from your life, yearns and dreams, like an innocent parasite.

The news had not only left you disturbed, but for once the only thing you were grateful for, was the heavy and smothering fatigue that put you to sleep almost right away.

You called in sick. Unable to face the world and it's surprises for you. Head heavy and full of pestering thoughts that made sure to remind your new reality in each passing second.

For how long would you be in bed? For how long were you planning to hide and pretend nothing had happened? What time was it? Once more, the nauseas forced you to rush to the bathroom and retch. You hadn't even eaten breakfast yet, but it was the littlest of things your mind worried about.

You just laid there, on the coldness of the floor, watching the secluded space shrink around your frame the more you stared at it. Clawing and biting at your conscience, suffocating your tranquility.

Your phone buzzed, and kept buzzing on your nightstand, completely ignored.

What am I gonna do now?

Was another new mantra that replayed nonstop. Something had to be done, and all you could think of was nothing, despite the obviousness of the situation.

The buzzing again brought your attention back to your room. Bed was so inviting and seducing, but you weren't sleepy. Too deep in pins and needles to articulate any rational thought. With a sigh, you stood and marched back, taking an angry hold of your phone.

Four missing calls from Luke's Garage, a couple of text from your manager asking if you were alright, some pop up messages and ads and one missed call from MJ.

MJ. Your unstable friend in terms of communication. Not that you blamed her, life behind scripts and lines was hard enough to add you as a another burden in her life, even if you had seen her months ago. You'd talk to her later.

Your mind gravitated towards Luke's, hoping they had good news from your car. A little grey Fiat 500.

Grounding yourself onto that, you took a shower and got ready to go after replying to your manager. As strict as she was, she cared in her own tyranic way.

You went for the garage.

After arriving to Luke's, and finally get a bit of good news in the admist of chaos, you got your car back. He hadn't had the time for fixing it, but now it was all yours again.

A little incident with you retching not once but twice upon smelling food, had his wife squealing in joy at the realization of your pregnancy.

Guess you can't hide it from the experienced ones, huh?.

But thanks to her, you were instructed in what to do almost right away. Folic acid was a must and so was a visit to the gynecologist. You'd be lucky if you could afford the vitamins after all the expenses you had through the month with the car rides and food.

Changes were already settling in your life and as much as you rejected them, they had pushed you away from the steering wheel and imposed a new pace you weren't used to outside work. Fast and cruel.

You had bounced through the city, looking for an available doctor. Life didn't stop because you suddenly found out you were pregnant, even though your mind remained rattled and unstable, there were things you still needed to do.

At least worrying about your car was no longer one of those concerns, you didn't have to pay for rides, a little control was returned to you. A reward for getting out of bed? perhaps.

The doctor you had found was in a relatively rundown district of Nueva York, but the urgency of your predicament didn't leave room for being picky. Despite the crummy overall looks from the street and neighborhood around, the small and discreet women's care center seemed decent and clean enough.

Surprise ran rampant at how the milieu looked from the inside, it was one of those places you thought you'd never visit, not had the plans to do so in your life. But here you were, awaiting your turn while chewing on the inside of your cheeks as one of your legs bounced in anxiousness.

The smell of alcohol and other chemicals mixed in the air, shooing away the external and unpleasant odors . Walls were dressed in a soft blue, like the chair rows extending left and right. The doors remained white, just like the floor tiles. Some were broken, but remained spotless. Tattered in some bits but clean and borderline welcoming.

The staff wore sympathetic smiles at every woman that came in. You weren't the exception.

Your name was called, finally, and you stood. Car keys tinkering as you walked in the office, your little purse resting on the flat of your thighs. With a deep breath and a gulp on a dry throat, the appointment started.

Nine weeks. That's how far you were according to the paper in your hands and the ultrasound pictures adhered in the next page.

Your heart still thrummed upon the sight of the little heart on the screen, beating powerfully, as if in every passing contraction of the organ the creature would be saying loud and clear:

I'm here. I'm alive. I'm part of you now.

No.

You didn't want it to be part of you. You refused. And now that you had received counseling after letting the cat out of the bag with a total stranger, the two options remained in your hands. The doctor didn't pressure you into making any further appointments if you went for the most logic and reasonable option. Abortion.

Rather gave you time to think and mull over your decision. It was entirely up to you.

But what if he actually wants a child?

You laughed in between shaky titters at your stupidity.

Maybe he did, but that didn't mean it was with you by all means. You barely knew him, and the little things he had shown you so far was all the unwanted and negative traits a man could have.

Liar, cheater, irresponsible, cold hearted, cunning, a cynic and someone that was too aware of their actions to go by as innocent. A manipulator at best.

It was rather scary and confusing for you how some men could pass as loving and devoted lovers in their home, when they were the complete opposite outside.

A perfectly reversed street angel, house devil situation.

Now that you had the tools and options there was something more that needed to be done.

Telling him.

Even though your choice was already taken, and the possible outcome would only reinforce it, he needed to know, as undesirable as meeting him again was. Maybe it was your time to give him back a bit of retaliation to his silent bully and threats. You needed an explanation and that was nonnegotiable.

Anger finally rose past the initial terror. And it hit like a tsunami. Cold, unforgiving and oh so destructing.

You searched his information through the company's data. His picture came into view with his full chart.

Miguel O'Hara. Second head of the Laboratory and Research department.

And a cheating pig.

Sighing, you discreetly copied his contact number on your phone. If you were to face him, it needed to be just the two of you. You'd talk to Dana later, even if that meant to be scorned and resented by her forever. Luckily she was on her day off, or so her schedule on the screen said.

The thought of Miguel only infuriated you further, since he was pushing you towards things no sane person should be doing. Stalking, covering a devastating truth from a beloved one. Getting you pregnant while at it.

Unintentional, perhaps, but still you needed an explanation. Your mind set in getting it cause in all the categorical truth, you were tired. You were fucking tired of being the only one putting up a fight against the aftermath of his doings while he lived a normal life, blissfully ignorant of the awaiting mess that had his name all over it.

You were allowed to leave an hour early. Obviously, you'd seize that chance to ambush him at his leaving hours to drop the bomb. It wasn't a hundred percent spite, but more like half of it while the other was making him face the consequences. He had cornered you enough to finally get some backlash.

With a deep breath, you opened a new chat log on his name.

Messages were deleted and rewritten with all the things you wanted to say, but again, words were words and you were sure that his dismissive nature wouldn't even take them in consideration. So spilling your heart out in them was useless, you'd do it personally despite being terrified of him. You settled for a simple yet pithy one.

—We need to talk. Meet me at the parking lot.

The game was on, and you were ready to fight against the final boss. Upon the four o'clock ticked, you packed up your things and went straight to your car, waiting for him to show up. Your phone had been quiet ever since you sent the text message. The seen confirmation was the only indicator you got of him being aware of something going on.

Minutes kept ticking, passing and there was no sight of him yet, until your heart leaped to your chest upon spotting him around the corner. Impossible to miss him by his sheer height, a sore thumb among the rest. Stupidly handsome and uncaring as he swaggered over his car, a black BMW x7.

Leather briefcase in one hand, and phone smooshed between his left cheek and shoulder blade. By his bored and annoyed expression it was either something business related or talking to someone undesirable.

Just as you were opening your passenger's door to call his name, he opened his and tossed in the briefcase to then hop in while still in the call, he fastened his seat belt. Not even a minute happened when he turned on the car and left.

What is he doing?!

Frowning at his direct dismissal, you checked the message log again, only to find his profile picture gone and some little yet infuriating message on the bottom.

This number is unavailable for chat.

"Bastard."

It was all you could muster before angry tears welled up in your eyes. But it had been enough. You went back to fuming and drove back home. Next week for sure you'd catch him.

You've had enough.

Taglist:

@huehuehuehuehehe @ryk-mt @deputy-videogamer @sizeablysized @katitakenway @stealyourblorbos @beingdeluluisthesolulu @death-moth-art @obsessedwithromance @crybabiix @taeecups @tremendouswolfsaladranch @cherrycosmos392 @sbrn0905 @xylianasblog @elgatofx @eepiebeepie @vonev @tatatida @freehentai @scaryplanetdestroyer @minalovesyoubabes @emeloyy @migueloharastruelove @jdbxws @m4dyy @nyxzoldyck6 @fruitychae @francesca-the-1st @siidmm @ana-paulinathe-arts @artyanimi @damhanallagorm @aockskcw @lauraolar14 @

@death-moth-art @miss-taura @xylianasblog @serpentstarr @randomnobody187 @tayleighuh-deactivated20231030 @8xbygirl @artyanimi @ittybxttykxttytxtty @del-ightfulling @iytatsworld @moonzuzuu

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #atsv miguel #t writes✨ #astv miguel #Of Flowers And Hummingbirds #slow burn #dana d'angelo #mj watson #Youtube

[olichat-reads]

Imagine | ProHero!Bakugou x Villain!Reader

a/n: i'm on the brink of a panic attack at 7am on a monday morning sO-

🌟

imagine prohero!bakugou x villain!reader BUT they're childhood bestfriends. and and they're STILL bestfriends despite everything. sure, nothing personal on the job and sure they go head to head sometimes but at the end of the day they're each other's safeplace and comfort.

its weird but it works.

its not everyday, but sometimes your paths cross while you're both on the job and bakugou, that bastard, NEVER holds back on you. and to be fair, neither do you. given that the two of you grew up and trained together, you were pretty evenly matched. both knowing each others' moves and strengths and weaknesses.

which essentially, you two took advantage of in attempts to murder each other on the job :D

-

"you used that move i suggested you try 🥺"

"hell yeah it fucking worked!"

"i know, katsu. my shoulder is dislocated."

":)"

"you're buying me ice cream, you ass."

-

the press has a field day whenever you go against each other- deeming you ✨️a r c h r i v a l s✨️. it sure was an ego boost when your bestfriend was the number one prohero. also you got to terrorize him with the media. win fucking win.

-

*dynamight slams you into a wall*

"ohh~ harder daddy~"

"STOP GIVING THEM IDEAS YOU FREAK"

"BUT I WANNA READ ALL THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS FANFICS LET ME HAVE THIS"

-

and the thing is. it didn't scare you, either of you, to let loose when you come face to face in a fight. you knew katsuki was strong as much as he knew how hard you worked to keep up to him. no one could come close to hurting either of you, besides each other and even then, you each could hold your own.

that didn't mean you don't get injured though. one of you stumbling into the others' apartment beat up was way too common of an occurence with the nature of your professions.

-

"red riot hit me so hardddddd"

"tsk. thats on you. could've gone against me but you had to test your luck with red."

"BITCH STFU WE BOTH KNOW YOU'D FUCK ME UP WORSE THAN ANYONE ON THE FIELD-"

"of course i would. gotta try to knock some fucking sense into lil miss villain somehow. now come here let me see your ribs, they're probably bruised."

"AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT"

"yours."

"YOU- OW FUCK. KATSU GENTLE-"

"calm down you baby. you got stabbed last week and you're whining about some bruised ribs."

"I HAVE A LOW PAIN TOLERANCE YOU ASS BE NICE TO ME"

-

as much fun as it is smack each other in the vicinity of a public audience, you enjoy the occasional mission where you were both on the same team. perks of being a morally gray villain- you're flexible like that.

it should be noted though- you two're somehow even WORSE than when you fight each other. the amount of unhinged chaos should be a public and health hazard.

-

"we have a problem..."

"let me guess. you caused it."

"you have no faith in me. i'm offended."

"answer the question. did you?"

"...i did."

"and you ask me why i don't believe in you. fucking die, tinkerbell."

">:O"

-

"whats our escape plan?"

"our what :D"

"omg we're going to die."

-

"HOHO WE LIVED BITCH!"

"YOU COULD'VE WARNED ME BEFORE YOU YEETED ME OUT THE FUCKING PLANE YOU PSYCHOPATH"

"WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT D:"

-

the two of you don't actively try to hide the nature of your jobs and relationship with each other outside work- you don't bother pretending. he's a hero, you're a villain and both of you were bestfriends. as simple as that.

it makes life way more fun, you think.

🌟

a/n: this is fun i might add more to this hehe

#bakugou x reader #bakugou fluff #oliwrites

[harukapologist]

rambling about Haruka

As an ND person I just hate how Haruka's character is either completely infantilized or reduced to a selfish, evil murderer, when, to me, he is so much more than that.

Especially the latter; I hate when any MILGRAM character is called evil because what's the point of MILGRAM, then? They're all morally grey! That's how they test us. But Haruka in particular because I feel like it comes from a place of ableism, intentional or not.

I'm not sure if I should put TWs, but well I talk about ableism, murder (obviously lol), childhood trauma and well... it's Haruka

Haruka's outburst in the VD and his implication of killing animals (I know it's basically canon but erm... i can explain why I think it's an implication later) (i just finished writing the post and actually i explained why at the bottom of the post but its not a full explanation so lol) are the reasons I see people calling him either evil or childlike, and while I do think that Haruka is stuck in a childlike state in some aspects, this is emotional dysregulation of an ND and/or traumatized person, to me.

The uglier sides of being ND/traumatized, the ones that get heavily stigmatized and seen as intentional or evil; I think this was a display of one of them. And I really wish to see more people focusing on Haruka's disability in the ways it can affect his communication and day-to-day life skills more than "oh, poor baby, he has a disability that makes him feel unwanted" without actually understanding the details of the disability and, well, the reason why it is a disability.

Like, the emotional dysregulation that comes with being autistic, which is my headcanon for him. The hyperempathy and literal thinking that might make him harder to communicate with, and get people frustrated with him more often.

That and being severely neglected; I think neglect is one of the lesser discussed forms of childhood trauma and the fact that Haruka was shown to be neglected as well as abuse really means a lot to me, because I think some people don't quite understand just how much neglect and isolation fucks you up.

All those factors combined are a recipe for an unstable, impulsive, clingy shell of a human, and him getting called evil for that really saddens me. It's important to remember that these MVs are extracted from the prisoners' own memories and thoughts. It comes from their perception of their surroundings, their murders, and their own selves. The manic look that Haruka has on his face for a lot of AKAA, for example. The makeshift shirt he's wearing, as if he's desperately trying to sew himself together into a normal person, the exhausted, frustrated look when he picks up the necklace, it's important to remember that this is how he sees himself. A monster who has lost control of himself. The line "I'll keep killing to be your good boy" was a shock, but the way he meekly apologized to Es at the end of his VD, I really think that shows that he feels guilty, that he wants to convince himself more than anyone that he was a good person, that he was really trying to be one despite how his unlucky life frustrated him to his breaking point.

As for his infantilization, it has already been addressed by many thoughtful members of the fandom and I'm grateful to see that, but I also want to say it myself since god knows I hate being patronized.

It feels very ableist saying he's just "someone stuck in a childlike mindset/age regressor" Yes, and how does age regression as a coping mechanism develop? Usually through prior trauma that makes you "stuck" at said age, and that can present differently. It can be longing and yearning for a simpler time, for an actual happy childhood, or having flashbacks to a traumatic event that happened at a certain age; it is not uncommon for trauma survivors to be "frozen" at the age their trauma took place.

I think both of these are the case for Haruka. Frozen at that moment, but trying to reduce himself to nothing but a little, unaware child to avoid reliving it again, relishing in the innocence and purity of his good younger times (emphasis on purity--Haruka's murder was by strangulation, yet there's a shot in AKAA where he's covered in blood. I know it's after he killed the animals, but he's in the stitched-together outfit here; I think there's more to this MV than just killing the animals. Since this outfit is... not very likely to be worn in reality, did the animal killing happen at all? Even if it did, I think this shot remains an indicator that he sees himself as impure; guilty. I have a LOT to say about the inconsistencies in Haruka's MVs, but I'll save that for later... Anyway, back on topic) It is NOT "having the mental capacity of a child, so being unable to date etc." Haruka has still lived 17 years, maybe even more, since he isn't too interested in remembering his age. How do you treat actual neurodivergent people if this is how you see him?

When I rewatch the MVs, relisten to the VDs, reread the interrogations and timelines, I see no evil, just an incredibly broken, misunderstood person.

#please excuse any inconsistencies or spelling mistakes its almost 5am ive been awake all night lmaooo #im open to discussion but pls be nice :( #im a relatively new milgram fan (got into it just when ILY MV came out—got hyperfixated oct/nov) so please inform me if I say anything wrong #i love haruka so so much aaugh #i will defend him till my last breath #milgram #sakurai haruka #milgram project #haruka sakurai #jay rambles bleh idk #should i even tag this #i feel so scared to share my thoughts on the milgram prisoners AAA i hope everything makes sense

[limelade]

ill explain specifically why bots conversation with cabby + the way its portrayed is harmful. evil twitter thread to tumblr blog conversion time first off, AE potrays bot messing with cabby by lying to her for laughs. i understand iii is a childrens media and it would be fine under most context, but since cabby has memory disabilities and connects her self worth to the accuracy of her files, playing it as a joke feels cruel. bot isnt doing it to be cruel! bot doesnt know about cabby’s memory disability, but the tone of the show plays it off as though but isnt doing anything wrong when they are. plus, cabby’s intent when asking bot info about themselves is to precent herself from saying more things that could upset them in the future (her insensitive comment abt bot being a replica). she isnt writing the files or asking for info out of malice, she’s trying to use her memory aids to prevent herself from hurting other’s feelings in the future.

bot lying to her just feels cruel and unnecessary, since cabby isn’t trying to use the information in a way that would hurt them. bot’s reasoning for distrusting cabby’s is pointless. cabby needs accurate info and facts because otherwise she physically cant remember anything. cabby doesnt share files willy nilly either, she has only ever shared contestant files with test tube for the sake of the competition, but that would be the same thing as someone who didn’t have a memory disability sharing what they can remember abt a contestant verbally

but bot doesn’t let cabby use her memory aid, which cabby agrees to. it would have made more sense if bot just told cabby to keep the file private, which im sure cabby would have! the reason she elimed fan was bc he took a file without asking first, invading her privacy!

and this is the most dangerous message to send to someone with a memory disability. becuase oftentimes manipulators will prevent them from recording things that are said to them to more easily gaslight them later. im not saying bot is trying to do this, they arent, but its still a bad message to tell people with memory issues to not keep personal record of “private conversations”. keeping these records is how mentally disabled and physically disabled people keep themselves safe! not everyone in the world is a good, genuine person!

i don’t understand why the message AE seems to be sending is that cabby’s disability aid is a bad thing! its not a bad thing to keep records! its a good thing, actually, for disabled people to protect themselves! and cabby isn’t in danger in ii, but its still an unsafe message to send to say she shouldn’t keep records to keep her facts straight. ae tries to justify this by implying that the people around cabby are there to support her; but she shouldnt be told to stop protecting herself because she should trust she’s safe

This scene is framed as a heartwarming moment when its the most unsafe thing someone could say to a disabled person. If someone prevents you from using an aid and tells to rely on them instead, thats a RED FLAG. this is a common way for abusers to increase your dependance on them

IM NOT SAYING BOT IS AN ABUSER. BUT FRAMING THIS POSITIVELY IS UNSAFE. say im reading too much into a childrens media but for SOME CHILDREN THIS MIGHT BE THEIR FIRST EXPOSURE TO ANOTHER CHARACTER W MEMORY ISSUES!

at the end of the episode cabby leaves her file behind. HER DISABILITY AID BEHIND. why Is That the Moral You Want. Disability aids are so disabled people can be more independant. why are you using your disabled character have the “be more open and vulnerable” arc?? disabled people are already one of the most vulnerable minorities! do not push this idea to stop them from protecting themselves!

okay sorry guys end of my evil ramble. um. smile emoji. for the tumblrinas

#ii neg #sorry class

[lewiscarrolatemybrain]

One more time

A Positive Change Arc -- often called a Hero's Journey -- is one possible shape a story can take. It is not the only or the best character arc, it's just one option. In a Positive Change Arc, the protagonist begins the story believing the Thematic Lie, and must learn and embrace the Thematic Truth over the course of their journey.

TGCF and MDZS are not Positive-Change Arcs. They are Flat Arcs.

(I have not read SVSSS)

A Flat-Arc is a story where the protagonist begins already knowing the Thematic Truth, while the world around them believes the lie. In a Flat Arc, the protagonist will have their knowledge of the Truth challenged and tested, they will be tempted by the Lie, and they will ultimately use their conviction to inspire the world around them to also embrace the Truth.

Flat Arc characters do not need to learn the Thematic Truth. They already know it. They may be seduced by the lie, they may falter, but they will always rally back to the Truth in the end.

(If they ARE successfully converted to the lie, then that isn't a Flat Arc anymore, it's a Corruption Arc, and it's usually a tragedy.)

"But Xie Lian and Wei Wuxian learned--" Nothing they learned impacted the Thematic Truth. Did they learn things? Yes! That's how Being A Person works. Both of them DID change and grow as people from the start of the series to the end. But neither of them learned anything that impacted the Thematic Truth. Because they already knew it.

Xie Lian was already kind, he already wanted to help people, he already believed that common people should be protected and uplifted. His suffering at the hands of BWX did not teach him any deep or important lessons. He already knew the Truth. BWX tried to tempt him to embrace the lie -- that people are undeserving, that you should never do anything for anyone who won't grovel with gratitude, that caring for other people is a waste -- and failed, because Xie Lian knew the truth and even when he was at his lowest he was searching for confirmation that he was right. Xie Lian only needed one single act of kindness to reassure himself that he was right and BWX was wrong. He did not learn anything new, he reaffirmed what he already knew and understood.

Wei Wuxian is good, and righteous, and morally upright. He is a character who does the right thing regardless of the consequences he might face. The sects collectively wanted to destroy him because he refused to bow to them, not because he ever at any point actually did anything wrong. Even the vengefulness he showed while actively at war is narratively justified, and it's key that the sects did not care about the desecration of bodies while it served them. He did not learn any valuable or important lessons when the Sects raided the Burial Mounds. The fact that Lan Sizhui exists at all is proof for us as the audience that everything Wei Wuxian did was worth it. All of it mattered, and all of it was the right choice, because a-Yuan is alive. He doesn't come back to life having learned anything new, he already understood the Truth.

Obviously neither of them are Omnipotent. They learn that there's dudes in love with them, they solve the mysteries of their respective true Big Bads, they uncover some other stuff. But the Thematic Truth, the core theme of the story, is not a lesson either of them needs to learn. It is a lesson they teach others by refusing to bend to the Lie the rest of the world believes.

#MXTX #MDZS #TGCF #Heaven Official's Blessing #Grandmaster Of Demonic Cultivation #Xie Lian #Wei Wuxian #story structure #character arc #please I am begging you. Please. #I know school failed you but please #if you are going to try and get into meta #do some research into story theory #do independent studying into how story craft works #I know school probably taught you that the Hero's Journey #is the best or only story structure #but it is not. It isn't even the most common. #school probably also failed to teach you how Themes works #but you really do need to understand them if youre going to try and write deep meta #you cannot dissect a story if you don't understand the pieces it's made of

[mosscoveredcowboy]

What Each of the Disruptors masking behavior in the Arrival Scene tells us about their Character

Major Glass Onion Spoilers Ahead

Miles:

Miles is the most important, even if he's not pictured, he and how he treats the idea of masking to prevent the spread of covid is represented by the Efficient Man™

Miles Invites all his privileged friends out to his private island mid-pandemic for an unnecessary party, and he has a vaccine/"cure"/SOMETHING that makes covid not a concern and either:

doesn't share it with the world

on some level knows that it's bullshit and just wants to make his friends not mask over their Fun Weekend! and bum out the mood

tbh i don't think the second bullet is likely bc like, miles buys into his own hype that's his whole Thing but also lying to his friends to manipulate them is also very much his Thing

either way, he doesn't give them much choice about receiving this experimental "cure" nor inform them of what is in it

Miles is an egotistical self-absorbed dumbass, and harming people for his own personal gain, hell, just for his own personal entertainment, is entirely ok in his mind. I've seen people suggesting that the movie should have ended with Blanc testing positive for Covid after the trip and I think that would have been perfect. Miles's "cure" did nothing and everyone put their lives at risk during a pandemic just so Miles could have some fun and remind them all why they are under his thumb.

Birdy:

Birdy shows up wearing a flashy mesh diamond mask a la Lana del Ray (note the rest of her staff with her properly masking). She still removes this useless mask to talk to people around her and exclaims about being able to "breath again" after taking Mile's "cure".

She's clearly doing the bare BARE minimum to look like she cares about quarantining and protecting others (see earlier in the movie when asked if she should be having a party she states "they are all in my pod" about hundreds of people in her home).

This aligns with how she approaches doing the right thing in general. Kind of trying to look like she's doing the right thing, but just barely, and you can see right through (ha) her actions and tell she's really doing whatever she wants for her own personal gain. She's not informed, doesn't want to do better, and doesn't listen to those around her who try to help.

Birdy doesn't have empathy for others, and this is later shown when we learn about her sweatpants scandal, how she was unaware that the clothing she made bank off of in the pandemic was produced in a sweatshop. Birdy is more concerned with how this news will make people on twitter mad at her than the actual inhumane working conditions themselves.

Lionel Toussaint:

In the Arrival scene Claire snips to Birdy when she asks if she and Lionel stayed in the hotel that clearly she and Lionel had just arrived. However, unlike Claire, Lionel arrives alone, no one in a car driving him or staff around him. He's wearing a K95 mask, and for this point of the pandemic (it's assumed late 2020) that is still fairly new and most people were not masking this well (to my memory).

Lionel is a scientist, and clearly has a level of knowledge about the transmission of infectious diseases and general contamination protocols to make safe decisions during a pandemic.

Still, he shows up to Miles weekend party and presumably takes the experimental "cure" (though it's not shown on screen). This tells us that Lionel is smart, smart enough to know that Miles is dumb as shit, but he buys into Miles's hype, convinces himself that Miles is a genius and backs him up even when Lionel knows he's wrong or being outright dangerous (see later with his reaction to the hydrogen energy running Miles mansion).

Lionel trusts Miles even when he should be smart enough to know better. He trusts Miles because if he actually questioned Miles's motivations and morals he would have to question his own, and Lionel doesn't want to do that.

Claire:

Claire arrives wearing a cloth mask but not correctly. She gets out of the taxi she arrives in with something sticking out of her mouth and her nose completely uncovered. She constantly adjusts her mask in the scene, and gets too close to others while talking to them. She also takes Miles's cure without question.

Like Birdy, Claire is doing the right thing more because she has to, not from motivation to protect herself and others. Unlike Birdy, she seems to understand how to do this more successfully, a clear difference between the performance of a celebrity and a politician.

I think this is shown later in Claire and Lionel's discussion in the pool as she talks about losing her political base because of the actions Miles wants her to take. On some level, she must align with the environmentalist that makes up her political base, but her loyalty lies more with Miles and the power saying yes to him means for her campaign.

Claire, despite her clear disapproval of Birdy, is very similar to her in that they are both performing to an audience to not be in trouble politically.

This is also shown by her freak out about how Duke's murderer would report her being there, and how it would look if she was hanging out on a Greek island with a manosphere influencer. She seems to have more of a reaction to what people would think of her than to Duke actually being dead.

Duke:

Duke and Whisky's arrival is announced with gunshots. They arrive on Duke's motorcycle, completely unmasked from the beginning (also, like, I assume they don't live in Greece, did they ship the bike there???). He's confirmed is shown to be a right-wing manosphere influencer, along the lines of Alex Jones or Jordan Peterson, those assholes who tell boys how to harass women and then grift them into buying supplements. Duke also takes the "cure" Miles provides without question, but if he lived long enough to see it, he'd likely be one of the people who wouldn't have gotten vaccinated because he doesn't trust what's in it.

Duke has probably been acting like the pandemic hasn't been happening at all, while capitalizing on the topic in his live streams to talk about how "masking is for beta cucks" and how the government is trying to control you.

He is the character that is the most honest to himself in why he is still friends with Miles. It is all about the power and influence Miles can give him, and Duke will cross any line (including making Whiskey seduce Miles) to get it. This forwardness in playing the group's little manipulation game is what later gets him killed by Miles in my opinion.

Duke not masking is a great way to show this. He doesn't align politically with the others, yes, but also he canonically does not care what people think of him. He is a self-absorbed egotistical asshole like the rest of them, but he's proud of it, giving him more freedom to be open about that than the others.

"asshole"

anyway I love how the time period of the pandemic was used in this movie and using each character's approach to masking as a way to inform you of their character is so informative and good storytelling

#glass onion #knives out #knives out 2 #knives out glass onion #the disruptors #benoit blanc #original post #again blessings to the gif makers #i love you #please ignore my repost of this #this is me trying to make tumblr tags care about this post bc this one isn't a rb #long post #sorry but like #i do care about notes on this one #i want ppl to see it i worked hard on it #lol

[raayllum]

I'm torn with Claudia. The humane part of me wants her to stop walking her dark path before she destroys herself completely and find some measure of peace. The fucked-up part of me wants to watch her to lose it and go on the warpath and cause lots of chaos. Is that last one wrong to hope for?

Not at all! I do think we'll see her warpath arc next season, since as Ezran stated/foreshadowed

We all want peace and we all want love. But violence tests us. In a twisted way, it converts us to its cause. Because pain and loss feel so terrible inside, you want to hate. You want to hurt someone else.

Given that Rayla cut off her leg and the trio cost her the chance to save her father's life (since if/when Viren survives, I don't think Claudia will know for a while), I think she'll start chasing Revenge. (Which may lead to even more fracturing with Terry, as "I always believed in you because you had a reason" but we shall see...) And then maybe Soren and Viren will work together to try and bring her home, but maybe only in s7 - so who knows?

But yeah, I don't think ever wanting characters to go through "negative character development" or "fail" means we don't like them or don't understand/sympathize with them. Too often, I think, fandoms can have a tendency to moralize, well, everything, but in this case the choices writers make regarding their favourite characters, i.e. "This Bad Thing happened to Character A so therefore the writers hate them / are punishing them."

And don't get me wrong, I've definitely seen shows where a writing team just did not know what to do with a character, so they just heaped tons of pain on them and/or under utilized them, and who is shown on screen with discussed/processed trauma vs who isn't is definitely a discussion worth having, because none of that exists in an apolitical or aracial space.

However... by no means is the "punishing" angle what's happening all the time, either. What I think it comes from is like, some base assumptions and also a lack of literary understanding for some key aspects I'm gonna do my best at articulating clearly:

1) Operating under an assumption that if you like a character you should only want 'good' things for them, and for them to be a 'good' person, because you are also a 'good' person. This doesn't seem super moralized on the surface, but it explains a lot about "how could anyone like that villain" or offense to "how could anyone want that character to fail" and it's like, idk how to explain that failure and therefore conflict and tragic figures are Just Interesting, Brenda, even if they aren't your personal cup of tea. (I say, as a diehard Macbeth and literary Judas enjoyer lmao.)

2) Ignores catharsis and tragedy as elements of storytelling / as its own desirable genre. Sometimes, you want to watch a thing where you know the whole time everything is going to go horribly wrong for certain characters, or all the characters, and that's what's fun about it. The desirable outcome for every story or character is not a happy ending, nor are all characters or stories built for a happy ending, either. It can be upsetting, of course, when a character we like doesn't get the (happy) ending we hoped for, but that isn't necessarily always the same as a bad ending, y'know? Substantially bad things happening to a character doesn't always mean a narrative hates them; a focus on them is still a focus.

All of this to say: I don't think it's wrong at all to want, or be interested in, Terrible Things happening to a character. It's a thought experiment like any other, and pushing characters to their limits, revealing how they respond under intense or painful experiences - whether than pain is physical, emotional, or something else entirely - is fun and interesting. There's a reason there's are entire genres for Horror and Drama and tearjerker films after all.

Like I've been waiting and wanting for Claudia to snap and become a fully fledged villain since S2 because it was very clear to me just how much she was already Skewed in S1 and S2 made it clear to me that, unlike her brother, she would not be getting on a better path any time soon. Sometimes mess and hurt and mistakes is more interesting than healing, and sometimes it's the opposite (and those things aren't mutually exclusive either).

Like going into S6, I want everyone to Fail so badly (except, arguably, Claudia - who still isn't going to be getting what she actually Needs - and Aaravos, who's going to get exactly what he wants). Watching how characters and their relationships can fall apart, how their own consistent flaws and patterns, can lead them to make awful but understandable mistakes? That's my shit. And getting to see how they do, or don't, come back from that in the season, and in season 7? Chomping at the bit, I'm so excited.

I also don't think that hoping for another end, though, is worse than being excited for a tragic end, because while tragedies are about sadness, they are also - at their core - about Hope that maybe it won't end badly this time. If a tragedy cannot provide catharsis to a viewer, for some reason, then they are still fulfilling their purpose in nurturing hope and indignation in the face of perceived unfairness - that a character could try so hard and still be doomed; that we ourselves often take on tasks that feel insurmountable, that we can take on what looks like a losing battle and still, somehow, win. And maybe we don't - maybe they don't. But tragedies, if nothing else, teach us resilience and the merit of telling a story when you already know how it ends, and the skill of it lies therefore entirely in the execution (sometimes literally).

Basically: hope for whatever you want for whatever character you want, even, or especially, when it's 'bad'. It's what we've always done for a reason.

#thanks for asking #tdp claudia #the english major strikes again #lordjarman #tragedy enjoyer #tdp #the dragon prince

[fumifooms]

The autism coding of Kimblee - character analysis

Bestie that’s called masking. Also I beg to disagree you fucking suck at it lmao

Notice how he speaks of this difference of being a “heretic” in society’s mind. Not with a focus on what it is or means but with a focus on the perception of it, on the ostracization it creates, on it being created by norms and society. There is little weight given to it but it is treated as a social construct one can easily figure out and avoid because it is superficial, or formulaic. Small talk, what are the right things to say, or to reveal about oneself and when, the “test” is a formula he thinks he has mastered.

So boy! There are some things to unpack here with his character, welcome to this character analysis. This is going to be loooong. I’m autistic, and I think he’s autistic as shit based on a lot of things and moments. I do want to make a disclaimer: you should go into this with a will to humanize, but this is not to mean that I talk of him being redeemable or “a good person deep down”, no. This is an analysis for the goal to understand, and in the end that’s what most of us just wants anyways, being understood I mean. I’ll be analyzing him as a coherent and multidimensional character, not as a plot device for a story. Alas I won’t be analyzing his psychology and ideologies that much, just its ties with autism and stuff, so this isn’t a complete analysis of Kimblee as a character by any means. I’m also speaking exclusively of manga Kimblee. Most manga caps I used are from @everykimblee​, thank you for your resources!

Points:

The polite gentleman

Tone deafness

Logic and lack thereof

Malice?

Strange but strong moral code

Explosions, and stimming

Misc

Conclusion

The polite gentleman

It is oh so interesting, then, that he values his manners so much, isn’t it? He has peculiar priorities and fixations, like good manners, even as he does atrocities. We’ll talk about his tone deafness more later, but for now let’s focus on this angle a bit.

Suits, fedoras, a pure, spotless white. Symbols of the epitome of class.

As stated, he keeps his good manners even as the situation would normally have them dropped, or they are useless, and such. They are treated somewhat like how he would convictions, when he speaks of strong wills and being firm in your beliefs. Then his manners are not something he’s willing to compromise.

But still you have to ask yourself, does he maintain this persona for himself or for others? I think it may be interesting to note that this aspect of his character isn’t much seen before he goes to and leaves prison. In camp he sits like other soldiers do, very unlike how he sits in the rest of the manga, etc etc. This suggests that either manners became more important to him after his 8 years long of incarceration, or that sort of like a chameleon he adapts himself to his environment. With his awareness of being a heretic and how to play around it, allegedly in his own word, the latter is a theory with support. Both are plausible, or perhaps he’s always had a strong taste for suits and politeness and the warzone simply wasn’t a place to show that.

Regardless of him genuinely liking all of these high end tastes or not, I’m fascinated with the idea that it may have developed as a defense mechanism. People who wear suits and act respectable like he does sociologically inspire good faith, that they are, well, respectable. My theory that he doubled down on this angle after prison would be because, well, he has passed 8 years of prison doing very little and being treated with very little respect and empathy. It is not unreasonable that straight out of prison, he would want to reclaim a sense of humanity and respectability through acting out the codes of high society. But again, does he do it for his own self-esteem, or to try to convince others  that he should be respected? Few people see men in suits and imagine that they’ve been in prison once.

To be aware of being a “heretic”, and saying he knows how to pretend to be normal, Kimblee growing up has doubtlessly learned good manners and their importance in this social act and how others see you. Is his politeness genuine or forced? In the end I think it matters little, in the end it’s still as important to him regardless. I’m not going to talk about the social trauma autistic people usually experience, but I do want to reiterate that a nice suit as an instant token for passing as normal + getting charitability is something I think he’s aware of and values. His demeanor and outfit, you could say, is part of his masking.  Listen, in a college essay I studied other essays about how prom dresses are treated as a token for future success in life + social recognition. A suit as a transactional token for entry into respectable society really isn’t a social dynamic that far fetched. 

The way he speaks of masking, as this “easy formulaic test”, does make me think that this is the case, that his choices in demeanor and fashion are part of this role and that he knows what he’s doing. Indeed, if a suit is all he has to wear to be accepted, his loner attitude becoming a “serious & mysterious” aura, his strict demands becoming simply a severe no-nonsense man used to quality and who has things to do, well, the test is easy to trick. It’s all about framing. He’s still taken to it on a personal level though imo, he does speak of his suit with fondness etc etc.

His gentleman attitude might have deeper, more important and personal roots for his character than simply being a cool aesthetic or random taste, is what I’m saying.

Tone deafness

It is ironic that his manners are important to him because they are often severely lacking or misplaced. Like most things, I believe that Solf keeps his manners because they are a judge of character that is important to him, beyond it being for others’ perceptions of him. So even if inappropriate, he stays true to himself and these beliefs of his, he does not want to perform as much as he leads us to believe by saying he pretends to be normal. Though this tonedeafness then is sometimes intentional with a will not to betray his true self, I do think that often this is not the case and his tone deafness is out of genuine misunderstanding. Though very often it seems like a state of being, rather than situational awkwardness, like a disregard for reading a room instead of simply making mistakes.

For example, Armstrong letting ishvalans flee willfully through a hole in the wall, then Kimblee coming and killing them, afterward saying to Armstrong: “What a relief, if it had been anyone else you’d have been court martialed for sure”. It seems he did this genuinely to pick up his compatriot’s slack in a will to help. Is he aware that Armstrong did it willingly and it’s a thinly veiled threat not to do it again? Possible, but the other case seems equally possible, but regardless in either case his delivery and actions were still tone deaf. For example, him telling everyone in camp “do you all not like killing? Why are you all even here, you chose this.” In another example, his detached tone in most situations and amused or casual tone in life threatening situations.

He is shown to be rather perceptive on a technical level, though not so much in social situations. Below is him confronting Edward about having a sniper targeting him.

He is extremely nonchalant in serious and grave situations. It is also the inappropriate emotions he shows that are infamous to him, the thrill and glee he gets by fighting. To me these are easily explained by adrenaline and Solf being generally understimulated and leashed by his polite standards in society (though of course these are still issues he has), but to most it seems like senseless hysterical behavior.

Notably it is this tone deafness that makes him an heretic to others, what ostracizes him. He did not do worse than other veterans in Ishval, Roy and Riza were also extremely proficient killers on the field. The reasons Kimblee gives for being on the field and “doing what they gotta do” are reasonable and cool-headed, most of all he has a point in how he gives everyone a wake-up call that they chose this by becoming a soldier and that they’re all complicit. No, Kimblee is an heretic not because of these concrete things, but because he is not miserable on the field. People, both in world and readers/viewers, simply think that his emotions and attitude while killing others are misplaced for the situation. It’s his tone deafness that unsettles others. He doesn’t have the sense to at least act apologetic, unlike Roy who acts like a martyr yet still chooses to do it every day. Sure his ideologies and enjoyment of killing are disturbing and unhinged, but the tone deafness is what sells it, sells him as a villain. It is an emotional, social reaction.

He is also so, so blunt. His whole speech in Ishval to Roy & Riza is enough proof and yet he tops it on the regular. Below is his meeting with Miles:

He’s so hard to destabilize and it’s so funny. I love his three ?s. This lack of emoting is the sort of iconic autistic trait that makes people see us as emotionless inhuman creatures.

Logic and lack thereof

He is incredibly logic oriented and strangely composed most of the time; does not react to things as one would be expected to, as discussed. He loves to talk philosophy, and debates with others often, even stopping a fight to spend some time discussing with Alphonse. He often engages in hypotheticals, like when he logic’ed his way into challenging Riza that she probably held some pride in her work, or when he proposed a deal to Ed having assumed his priorities and motivations; He does not understand others through innate understanding or empathy but through logically working through what he knows of them and of the human psyche to then turn what they do into a predictable formula. (Oof shit, that hits hard and a little too close to home ngl.) Which is perhaps why he is so fond of people who have strong convictions; they are honest and upfront, they do not waver, they are easy to understand and to predict, he can understand someone like that and their internal consistency. If someone thinks Edward Elric is going to kill them, then they do not know Edward Elric.

Has an hard time understanding others’ mentalities, often encountering people who do not follow his logic which confuses him, like his Ishval speech and when Edward didn’t follow his “self-preservation” deal.

His goal for the better part of the story is to be a spectator to the “battle of wills” between homunculi and humans. You could even say that it is to assuage a curiosity. The fact that he gives no emotional stakes to a sense of belonging with humans that should innately make him want to fight for humanity makes sense as well, especially since humanity doesn’t accept him much. Myself, I scoffed when Edward said this. I have hyper-empathy, but to me there should still be a better reason than a blind sense of community to one’s species to pick a side. It might seem like the obvious reason to most, “side with the humans!”, but to me without sound reason it just seems like blind toxic patriotism, or blind faith and adherence to a cult. Kimblee’s reasoning is survival of the fittest applied to evolution, that the superior species will be the one to survive because that’s how nature works. Personally, I say side with the humans because the homunculi have senseless goals that promise destruction upon the world, but y’know, whatever. The important point here is that Kimblee fundamentally works on a logical basis. The “side with humanity!” argument without further reasoning is an emotional one, yet it is one that appeals to most. /neu He does indeed reveal he has some personal stakes in siding with the homunculi, not only because they let him do whatever he wants alchemy wise, not only because he loves fighting for survival, but also because in a double meaning with the opening excerpt of this post, should humans win then he would have to go back to a life of pretense where his “existence” is threatened.

Malice?

Another interesting thing about him is that he doesn’t say the awful things he says out of malice, neither is it the intent behind most of his actions. It’s always a twisted sense of helping, or just doing his job, or doing his victims the ritual show of respect of battling them with the full extent of his will, and remembering them. He has his own way of looking at things, of what constitutes morality that we should concern ourselves with; honesty is more important to him than compassion and hipocrisy peeves him. By killing the ishvalans that Armstrong lets flee, he “rights a fault”. Kimblee not seeing how ill-intentioned many of his actions seem certainly call back to his tone deafness, that or a blatant disregard for conformity.

Strange but strong moral code

As mentioned several times, Kimblee values a strong set of belief in someone, and this even if he personally disagrees with them. I don’t want to repeat myself too much so this section will be short but yes, then it isn’t surprising that his own code is very strong and he is very confident and unashamed of it. I don’t want to spend paragraphs deconstructing his moral code but his actions are consistent to it and he does not betray them, going to the point of bringing Pride down even in death inside of the philosopher stone because he judged Pride’s actions cowardly and hypocritical. Rigid morality is a trait of autism.

By strong, I do want to precise that I do not mean morally irreprehensible or correct, I mean internally coherent and resistant to external challenging. He is set in his beliefs.

Explosions, and stimming

Lastly but perhaps most importantly, the most iconic thing about him: the explosions.

Apparently there’s no post on here calling what Kimblee does stimming and stims headcanons so -cracks knuckles- heavy is the head with the big brain I suppose.

Understimulation is a state in which the body doesn’t get enough stimuli or sensory input to keep one invested in their surroundings and such. It can be the cause of a meltdown. I myself used to struggle a lot with it, it got easier after I got diagnosed and I understood the issue. For example, I am allowed to listen to music, usually glitchcore, while taking academic tests. Back in the time that was not the case, I used to have songs stuck on loop in my head while I did tests, often hummed them, particularly for mathematics.

Why does Kimblee even like explosions? Well, the cues he gives us is that he loves the sounds it makes, of destruction, not only of the screams it causes but the explosion itself. He calls it musical terms like symphony and calls it artful. As he says himself, it shakes his whole body to the core, and he fixates especially on its sound. That is all sensory input, to see it as music and artful is that it is pleasing to his senses as he himself expresses. Look at the way his body quivers in the aftermath and he goes unhinged and emotional. Sensory issues right there, chronically understimulated guy getting a shred of sensory satisfaction 100%. It is release to him.  Explosions are a deafening burst of loud and short noise, accompanied with intense light and heat. It is, in short, a bomb of stimuli. Explosions are a very intense sensorial experience. This is what Kimblee likes about them, even delighting in the size and length he can make his explosions achieve, making it always more and more intense. Much like his ideal lifestyle and activities of risking his life and his soul battling, explosions give him thrill and adrenaline unlike anything else. In monkey terms, boom boom scratches the brain itch.

Explosions as a stim/intense and pleasant sensory experience is actually a thing I’ve thought to explore with an oc of mine prior to watching fmaB, but that really is how I immediately interpreted Kimblee’s introductory scene. My (autistic) brother when he was a kid very often had to be driven around in a car before he’d sleep, for example. It’s a fullbody sensation of vibrations and floating, being in a car. The brain even registers the sensation as strange, which is how motion sickness happens. Babies are sensitive to stuff like that, my bro wouldn’t sleep without it because, without it, he was understimulated, not stimulated enough to be able to sleep. Rocking babies is the same kinda thing, plus the comforting aspect. Weighted blankets, too. Everyone self-regulates their sensory input, aka stims, to some degree, bouncing their leg, etc. But sensory dysregulation is a trait of autism, and severe states of understimulation and overstimulation are what makes it a neurodivergent experience. 

Screams in the stone being like lullabies to him is another sign of him having understimulation in general. At the very least, he has a strong resistance to overstimulation by, like Pride said, retaining his individuality in the overwhelming storm of souls.  ”Ah yes I am amongst an overwhelming sea of screaming souls. I love it here, it energizes me actually”

Honestly I just think it explains parts of his behavior and glee for war if he generally feels understimulated. It explains that lust for battle and destruction. Like yeah bitch you’ll feel great and manic and thrive if you get sensory bliss from the chaos and “symphony” of war, definitely. /gen 

Also, he was in prison so like who can possibly blame him for being bored af, but stimming wise I do count playing with the rock in prison. The way he rolls it in his fingers and all. Even regurgitation, that’s bound to be a moderately intense sensory experience. If he repeatedly swallows it and regurgitates the stone then that can def count as stimming. Maybe the reason he didn’t go more insane than he did is because he had the one thing to fidget with lmao. The screaming thrumming perfectly sized & smooth evil explosive rock really is a great stim toy, huh.

I get intense and off my rockers too when I’m understimulated ngl, slap happy even. 

He really does seek adrenaline and thrill. I think in the above he was getting somewhat delirious due to blood loss though. He’s definitely prone to manic states. Sure okay grandma whatever you say, let’s get you on the stretcher. 

Misc

And as my usual autistic analysis finisher: he sits weird. More seriously, analyzing sitting positions can be interesting because it’s again about understimulation. Legs crossed, arms crossed, it’s weight on your body plus feels snug idk. But personally I need to have my legs crossed at all times when I’m sitting, except in extra comfy chairs. Body language is a whooole thing to analyze with autism, because infamously people misinterpret them; for example crossing your arms is considered to be a defensive or hostile gesture, when a lot of people would just go “wtf it’s just comfy”. Insistant and direct eye contact is seen as a will to dominate, meanwhile for a lot of people they’re literally just staring thinking nothing of it. Etc. However like discussed at the beginning of this, it can be theorized that he tailors his body language to his environment, like compared to when he was on the Ishval warzone.

Conclusion

Cool motive still murder bro. Def a lot of fun neurodivergence going on in his character though.  I am obsessed with this type of autistic character, who as a survival mechanism becomes hyperaware and very logically and psychologically attuned to social norms and how people work to try to fit in and survive in the group. I am OBSESSED with autistic characters who know the game so well and try so hard yet still feel uncanny to others. Humanity is, after all, a social species. And one who does not take kindly to heresy. Definition of heresy: opinion profoundly at odds with what is generally accepted. Heretic does not intrinsically means harmful, however. Labeling something as heretic is often an emotional reaction, like say how racism or homophobia is initially from a xenophobic gut instinct, and it is an emotional reaction that makes us dislike Kimblee.

Not to say that’s the ONLY reason, of course. Kimblee is justifieably generally disliked. But as someone who values cause and effect, it is ironic to me that Kimblee is considered a worse veteran than others because he refuses to act guilty over it and does “his job” with a smile on his face, worse than Roy who boiled people alive. I find it ironic that straight out of the gate we have a sinister opinion of Kimblee because of the framing when he was in prison, of what it meant that he was in there and why he wasn’t miserable 24/7 in his cell, instead smiling and humming, and it’s all ironic because the reason he was in prison is… He killed his superior officers, who are active agents in malicious corruption and are 100x more times gleeful about the Ishval war than him. Framing is an emotional thing, and if there’s one thing Henry Creel taught me is that it’s quick to rob a character of humanity. If humanity performatively want people to be miserable, then is it so surprising for Kimblee to want to reject it?  Take my hot takes or not, I’m not interested in debating philosophy unlike Kimblee, I just wanted to showcase his autistic traits and it got a little thought provoking by nature lol. Thanks for reading! :)    Is this last emoticon tone deaf and/or uncanny? I can’t tell… Ah well!

#fullmetal alchemist #fma manga #character analysis #solf j. kimblee #solf j kimblee #manga kimblee #fma kimblee #analysis #fumi rambles #i went slightly insane over this one #took me ehh around 3 hours not bad not bad #how many words even is this #asd #autistic kimblee #autistic headcanon #autistic reading #actually autistic #or whatever #neurodivergence #i should add a bit about how his alchemy works it’s so interesting and in character for his interests #he seeks patterns and consistency from people and he’s so real for that /hj

[amphiptere-art]

So we can all agree that the Sun and Moon fandom is dying right?

There is a quiz at the end of the post.

Me myself and many others have left. Whether it is due to the rising toxicity of the show or the fans. At this point it is simply a creative backdrop. Something you take ideas off of instead of something that you enjoy and turn into a AU. And at this point if you have it as an AU. You feel as if you need to somehow say it's separated or is only based off of the good old days.

The fact that there is a difference between the good old days and what has happened is sad. I will admit I haven't been here forever. I wasn't here since the beginning. I wasn't watching the episodes upload as I watched. But I did do my best to watch every single lore post I can find. Anything that wasn't a standard gaming episode. So I can at least say that I tried to follow the story.

And to put it slightly the story has gone sour. Characters have stopped feeling right in their actions. Underlying messages have started to get toxic. Many bad guys have gotten so characterized that them being bad guys doesn't feel right. Are good characters no matter how developed they get either regress due to plot convenience. Or have died and basically reset the storyline.

The story seems stuck. There's some gems here and there but it seems like they can't figure out the next story action. And even if they do, it gets so much hate from the fandom that it struggles to continue. It feels like they continuously reset and reset to try and find a story that the fans will enjoy. It's not working unfortunately. There have been many retcons due to this. And there has also been many splits.

And this is not even mentioning the toxicity of the fandom itself at this point. That's basically split itself in two and the other will hate the other. This happened most obviously with the Moon X Solar argument. Where you either enjoy it or you don't enjoy it. It has caused a multiple splits because of differences in morals. It's just created a hostile environment between fans.

And I'm not making this post a point fingers at the whole argument. I've researched it and I know why some people believe it's okay. Whether it's because they believe solar never really wanted to be a part of the family. Or the simple understanding that by most laws, incest between adopted family members is okay. I understand that people have reasons to like it. It doesn't mean that these reasons are shared though. It doesn't mean that the moral implications of that relationship don't affect some people. And neither side is willing to come to a mutual agreement.

This is also not bringing up the fact that the whole villain versus hero argument is starting to become even more split. Sun, Moon, Lunar, Earth, Solar are both currently on the good side. While Eclipse, Blood Moon, and a couple others are still obviously on the bad guy side. But Eclipse and Blood moon have started to become more and more relatable. People can no longer look at those characters and just imagine the villainy part. Especially when the heroes decide to mock the suffering that they did to the villains in the first place.

That is my personal scare between the fandom right now. I can't look at eclipse and not deny that Moon's actions were the reason of it. I can't look at moon and justify years of abuse. Whether it was old moon or new moon at this point. I can't stand and justify treating blood moon as a villain has tested its limit. I can't deny that blood moons actions are more so based on need than actual want. And the creators forcing that idea backfired enough that they barely have him as a character anymore.

There is a split between people who want to support moon and sun with all their actions. There is a split between people who think solar should be considered a part of the family or not. There is a lack of storylines that don't have half of the community hating upon it. There is a lack of feeling an actual tug of conflict in the stories due to the villains being so understandable. There is a hostility between the fan base because of all of these.

I put out a poll a long time ago. Asking people why they basically watched the show anymore. The general consensus was they were just watching the show because they needed to. Because they felt obligated to follow the plot wherever it went. I feel like the fan base that is following the show for their own enjoyment is slowly disappearing. And this is not talking about the amount of people that have straight out left due to all the reasons above.

Whether it is the show's fault for not being able to supply the engaging store anymore that people can enjoy. Or it is the fandom for it's toxic split between the morals of adoption incest, or the feeling that the villain shouldn't be getting as much hate as they do. The show was currently dying on both sides honestly. And the only reason many are continuing to watch the show, is the hope that it will get better, and the need to supply their AUs off of it.

How many of your friends have left because of these reasons? How many of them have had the conundrum of feeling like they need to stay because leaving feels like a betrayal to others or themselves.

How many of us are only holding because of nostalgia?

It feels like nowadays people either choose to blindly follow due to an overall support or question constantly if they should. It feels as if artists that give the show their thumbnails now, are the only people that do stuff happily with it. A conspiracy part of my brain wants to say that's only because not supporting it would mean they wouldn't have there art publicly endorsed. But that's only conspiracy and no fact.

The show has lost its splendor. As of now it's really only a character backdrop to some. A list of events and ideas that you could pull and twist to fit something kinder or better. It's like as if we're using the Sun and Moon like Robin Hood. Stripping it down to the basics just so we can share our twist of the same tale. I have heard many times from people that AUs are more enjoyable right now than actual Canon. I myself have said for multiple stories that they do not follow past backup eclipses death. Which in my opinion is when the show really started to go downhill.

I'm going to ask this question again. Because I feel as if it is important for people who read this post to see it under a newer light.

I will note. If you reblog this post just to argue that it's not dying, That solar X moon isn't incest, that characters like eclipse and blood moon should be treated as the absolute villains they are, and seeking Sun and Moon are evil is dumb. I will not respond. To be honest I will not respond to many reblogs of this. I'm simply putting this information out earnestly as my opinion. I am not here to hate on the artists. I am not here to hate on your difference in opinion. I am not here to say that the show writers are dumb or money monsters. This is my opinion. And if you wish to fight it, then you are not willing to accept differencing opinion.

#the sun and moon show #sun and moon show #the lunar and earth show #lunar and earth show #monty and puppet podcast #monty and foxy show #the monty gator and foxy show #monty gator and foxy show #the monty and foxy show #tmgafs #mgafs #sams #tsams #tlaes #laes #tsams fandom #sams fandom #the sun and moon show fandom #sun and moon show fandom

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Random anon here, we’ll to those who are mad at Chris, let me ask you all, what should he have done?

It’s easy to say not gotten into This mess, duh, but he’s in it and deep in it.

It’s easy on the outside looking in to say just leave but umm like the marketing anon stated….it’s a business and one thing you don’t fuck with is people’s money especially those with more power and influence than you.

See I’m not making any excuses for Chris but I see people ragging on him but never stopping to realize we don’t have the full scope of this, huge missing pieces are left out and many are inserting their opinions and speculation as facts.

Be mad sure, but had Chris said no who’s to say this man wouldn’t have ended up blacklisted, lost everything he’s worked for etc. also he’s human and the pandemic scared at lot of people, even Scott stated Chris was worried about money during a podcast in 2020, Scott laughed but I never forgot that. Pr is easy money I’m sure. Things start out looking simple and then go left, again it’s easy to say well he would have said no, at least he’d had his integrity and morals, okay…..but if he ends up on a where are they now and homeless, severe drug addiction or mental issues due to losing everything then what.

My point is we don’t know shit and it’s easy to act like we do. Chris isn’t an idiot so I assume there’s more to this and he’s stuck because no way in hell things would be playing out the way they have nor would he be looking like a shell of his former self if he had power to end this or if this were real.

He’s human, be mad but don’t act like you haven’t ever fucked up in life either. I hate the high and mighty bullshit posts from people over shit you have no knowledge of.

Hollywood is a fucked up place and let me drop a bomb on you all, majority of the shit people sit online discussing is purposely created to keep people engaged from random headlines to bs from tv shows, news stories, movies, celeb drama, we’re all entangled in the web.

Example: Marketing is creating a story about two celebs fighting or dating and in reality the celebs never met but the rumor is now out there and they test to see the reactions.

Many feel Chris image is fake due to this mess but was it? I’m sure he would have revealed himself years before this mess if this was who he truly is.

Use your brains people, don’t fall for bullshit and don’t waste time fussing and cursing Chris everyday because you think this is some simple PR stunt he chose to do or that he’s actually with her.

Truth always come to light so don’t take anything personal and sit back and just watch until it all explodes. Lies can only last so long. 💅

An🫶n, you make an excellent point. And I wholeheartedly agree with you.

Chris may be a celebrity, but he's also a guy who needs to keep money flowing in order to live.

A big possibility, purely speculation, but the PR contract must have been tied to a lot of money. Money that post pandemic, he definitely needs. So, he's selling this, failing, but selling to get the check. And as shallow as that is, he definitely needs the money like any other grown up with bills.

So, let's cut Chris a little slack. And let's not wish him harm, because I heard from the grapevine that someone in the Fandom has wished him harm.

Not naming names. But that's fucked up, and you're no better than the people on the other side, whoever you are.

As for the fans that only want the best for Chris, let's ride the waves, hang in there, and continue to call 'em out! Or ignore certain tantrum-like antics. Whatever the occasion calls for 😌

#An🫶n asks #Hello Logical An🫶n #hope you like the name so that you won't be Random An🫶n anymore 😆 #Logical An🫶n asks #booky reacts #booky answers #chris evans #chris evans fandom #chris evans pr

[hawkzeyes]

hey i'm so sorry i know you've linked to it probably a million times but i can't find it: can i have the link to your hawkeye reading list pleaseee and thank you 🥳

Hi Hi!! Please never apologize for asking I have the most unorganized blog in all hawkeye accounts LMFAOOO so not being able to find recs in here is understandable

Im assuming you mean Clint, but just in case not I will add Kate's in at the end!

So First of course is this icon's first appearance in

Tales of Suspense #57 (1964) - (he also shows up a few more times in tales of suspense but obviously this is the most important one!)

The Avengers #16 (1965) is when he joins and becomes our favorite little Avenging Archer (forewarning he is a little shit here. His favroite pass time in the beginning is driving Steve up a wall. I personally find this dynamic very funny but some dont)

He is with the Avengers for a really long time. Like more than 150+ comics(he isn't Hawkeye the whole time though as he does have a little bit I believe that starts in Avengers #63-#98 where he is Goliath. He comes back to us as Hawkeye in Avenger #99)

Hawkeye (1983) is his first solo ever! It's a mini series but its one of my personal favroites!

West Coast Avengers (1984)- this is where we get to see him take lead in a brand new team in California!

The West Coast Avengers (1985)- this is just a contitnuation of the previous mentioned!

Solo Avengers (1987)- We find out more tea about Clint's life prior to avenging here

He stays with the West Coast Avengers for a hot minute before we get his second solo

Hawkeye (1994) he's reaaaaal tough guy big feelings in this one

then he shows up in Avengers again in 1995 (yeah I know but hey he is the avenging archer so that's where youre gonna find him the most) He even gets a new lil fit and everything (he looks like he belongs in a boyband and I love it)

Thunderbolts (1998) is where Clint shows up ( in 2001 I believe) and takes over the team! He essentially helps try to guide them into being a good hero team and if I remember correctly I think its either #74-#75 where he leaves the Thunderbolts (I can't remember exactly I'm sorry)

Hawkeye (2003)- a third solo!!! look at our little guy go!!!

Then he... well he dies LMFAOOO in Avengers (2004) and the Clint Barton you knew and love is about to change forever

The New Avengers #26 (2006) if i remember correctly and it's.. well it's a sad one and he isn't the lovely Hawkeye when he comes back either. This is where Clint becomes Ronin, which is a rather dark time for Clint.

Secret Invasion (2008) This is also sad im sorry LMFAOOO Clint's morals are tested often as Ronin

The New Avengers (2009) Again he is ronin here so if youre looking for Clint just as Hawkeye he isn't here but don't worry he is back as Hawkeye soon enough

New Avengers: The Reunion (2009) whooooo's he getting a reunon with ;)

Hawkeye & Mockingbird (2010) guess what, that's who he got a reunion with I LOVE THIS COMIC

Widowmaker (2010) is basically a continue on of ^ with Nat involved

Avengers: Solo (2011) CLINT!!!! AS!!! HAWKEYE!!! Doin Hawkeye shit

Hawkeye: Blindspot (2011) do you like family angst? Good. Here. Have the family angst.

There is an event going on around this time called Fear Itself that he is involved in and also he is in Secret Avengers (2012) starting #21 or #22 where he becomes the leader.

Hawkeye (2012) We all know and love this bad boy. You could fit so many tears into it.

Secret Avengers (2013) again??? yes again.

Secret Avengers (2014) haha yeah again

Hawkeye Vs Deadpool (2014) it's fun! it's cute! Wade makes me laugh and he has a soft spot for the Hawkeyes

All-New Hawkeye (2015) there is some retconning done here

I don't wanna talk about Civil War II (2016) it makes me really sad LMFAOOO but yes he is in it and it should be read because well.. he makes a BIGGGGGG choice here that I feel has def echoed in his characterization since and has caused lots of misleading beliefs about Clint

Occupy Avengers (2016) Woooooooh I like this one it's fun

Secret Empire (2017) He is in it if I remember correctly but I grouch about this whole concept because I thought it was stupid. It gives the same energy as "What if Superman was evil" and I'm sure as a DC fan you know how annoying that concept is.

Generations: Hawkeye(2017) This is soooo cute I love this one. Kate meets a younger Clint in it and they run around together

Tales of Suspense #101 (2018) This will never not make me laugh. Him and Bucky working together is always funny

He is also involved in Kate's Hawkeye run during this time but I've got that on her list

West Coast Avengers (2018) I liked this. I love when Kate and Clint work together and I liked seeing the nods to the original WCA

Hawkeye: Freefall (2020) crying puking throwing up it's so good and fun until it's not fun anymore

Black Widow (2020) Not my favroite run for Nat... feels like the tone is off but he is in it

Thunderbolts (2022) I liked this...would have been super cool if Marvel had kept it as a continuing run because I feel like it didn't get to finish it's story. I'm still sour about it.

NOW obviously this is not everything ever he has ever been in and I'm certainly not perfect enough to have read every. single. appearance. So please forgive me if I missed something important cause sometimes my brain is not so greeat with memory.

x Kate Reading List!

#clint barton #hawkeye #reading list #clint beloved

[ephemeral--dreams]

Late night yandere thoughts - Kaveh, Zhongli, Yelan

☆ ☾ ☆ ──────────────────

Kaveh

I worry severely for his ability to be a proper yandere tbh

By which I mean he struggles so much with not just letting you go the moment you plead with him to. He's really too emotional for this - rather, he folds too easily, and is almost more likely to be manipulated than to manipulate you.

It's that very same quality that has the power to guilt trip you into staying, though. It almost feels more like taking pity on him rather than being kidnapped, with how clingy he gets when you tell him to stop this nonsense…

(Of course, he is not entirely oblivious to this, either. He knows what he is doing is wrong, and that he wouldn't have the heart to harm you if you tried to fight your way to freedom. However guilty he feels about playing on your emotions to get you to stay, though, isn't it for the best? You're safe with him. He will not lose another person he loves, so this is better for you both. Anyway, if you'd loved him before, can't you love him while stuck here, too?)

He'll take good care of you, he promises!! Pretend he hasn't put security measures on every exit and everything will seem normal.

Don't expect Alhaitham to help. It's too much energy to get involved in Kaveh's affairs. He'll leave you alone as long as you leave him alone.

Kaveh honey can you even afford to keep a person. Where are you getting the money to do that from.

Zhongli

Dragon. Possessive. You see where this goes.

He doesn't follow any sort of human morals. He has been above such things for centuries. Even living among them, his polite demeanor is partially an act. He would like to blend in with society, and does not feel any particular bloodlust. But he feels no remorse for being swayed into taking you.

Likely manipulated you into signing a contract that effectively placed your life into his hands. Who knows what it was… All that matters is that he has you now, and by Liyue laws, you agreed to it. No matter if you try to fight after the fact.

Will keep you chained up if he must. It will be much easier on you if you cooperate, however. Zhongli would like you to be able to move around your shared home freely. Keeping you bound to a single place is much like locking up a beautiful treasure in a box - a useless endeavor. Pretty things should be enjoyed, so do behave yourself.

Also not above training you to behave. Don't test him.

He might even let you have little outings once he knows you won't bolt from his side the moment the door opens. Wouldn't you like a romantic dinner out? <3

It's very simple with him. Be good and get spoiled, or don't, and face consequences. Either way, you will be his until the end of your life.

Yelan

Another possessive one. In a different way, though. She won't kidnap you, but she will always be watching. Best get used to the prickling of eyes on you.

That, and her sudden appearances. The unexpected way she appears behind you while you wander the local market, leaning over your shoulder to point out which produce to buy (someone was looking at you for a bit too long, and she had to make certain her claim was stated), or when she climbed in through your window late in the evening (she was overly concerned about you being targeted because of her. Better to stay the night just in case she needed to protect you. She dealt with dangerous people each day, after all).

There is that paranoia - that you may get hurt due to your connection with her. Or in some way entirely unconnected. The mere thought that you could be taken from her is enough to make her arms tighten around you, for her to spend time resecuring the house after you're sleeping, to guard over you even more.

You're kept in the dark about the trail of bodies that follows you. Anyone she deems a threat, anyone who bothers you or irritates you. Gone, just like that. You will have peace and safety, without disturbance from any criminal scum. And then you will come back to her happily without an inkling of the blood spilled for your sake.

Wife that loves you enough to kill people for you what more could you want.

#genshin impact x reader #kaveh x reader #zhongli x reader #yelan x reader #genshin x reader #genshin imagines #headcanon hours

[atamascolily]

Rorschach Inkblots in Rebellion

When Sayaka confronts Homura at the end of Rebellion, a series of abstract images--five in all--flash across the screen as Homura explains herself. These are reminiscent of the famous Rorschach inkblots, a series of drawings used as a projective test by twentieth-century psychologists. Given all of the other references in the film to German literature, philosophy, psychoanalysis--from Freud's "Fort/Da!" to Nietzche's "Gott ist Tot!" and Eternal Recurrence" to Goethe's "Eternal Feminine", and the entirety of E.T.A. Hoffmann's The Nutcracker and the Mouse King--it's not surprising that Rebellion would go here, as the Rorschach test was a popular method of measuring the unconscious mind in psychoanalysis and thus fits perfectly with the film's established themes.

However, when I looked a little closer, I noticed that the cards in the film don't match any of the original ten cards in the system (i.e., the ones most commonly associated with the test).

Card #7 (left) and Card #9 (right) of the main Rorschach series, from Wikipedia.

As you can see from the sample above, the original ten Rorschach cards are either all black and white or all colored, but not both, unlike the "hybrid" cards in Rebellion. Why is that? And what do they mean?

I did some more digging, and it turns out that although it's fallen out of fashion in the United States since its peak in the 1960s, the Rorschach test is extremely popular in Japan, where it's used for everything from personality analysis to marriage counseling. In addition to the modified Rorschach systems created by Western psychologists like Samuel Beck and Bruno Klopfer, there are a number of uniquely Japanese systems, including the Karo Inkblot test by Yasufumi Kataguchi, so it's possible that these images in Rebellion are part of one of these systems.

However, because the whole point of these inkblot tests is that the subject's reaction should be spontaneous, the cards in these systems are generally not released/revealed publicly, making it difficult to prove their origins way or the other. So what then?

Ironically, that brings us right back around to projection! Since we the audience have no way of knowing what these images are supposed to mean, we have to construct the meaning out of these abstractions for ourselves, just like a real Rorschach test--which says as much about who we are and what we value as the image itself.

But let us not forget the greater context. As these images flash across the screen, they are accompanied by Homura's voiceover, declaring, (in the official English translation), "I am now an existence known as 'Evil'". Coupled with the abstract images, it suggests a certain level of moral ambiguity--is Homura truly evil or is this a role she has adopted in order to achieve her goals?

In a projective test, there are no right or wrong answers, only the limits of our imaginations and circumstances--paralleling the work of literary analysis and criticism. The genius of Rebellion is that, like the Rorschach test itself, the film provides no definitive answers to many of the questions that it raises, leaving the audience to decide how to interpret them--and even goes to the trouble of providing us these visual cues in order to emphasize the point.

#puella magi madoka magica #madoka rebellion #rorschach test #pmmm meta

[bitimdrake]

You know what. The biggest problem in Jason discourse is that so many people are insistent he’s just one thing.

Stans insist he’s a good guy with perfect morals who only did bad things because he couldn’t control himself. And it’s like, well, no, actually, he did many bad things and absolutely all of them he actively decided to do of his own volition. Fans want to make him someone who’s deeply devoted to his strict principles and I’m just, hm, I mean, sure there are some things he definitely believes in or detests, but he breaks those rules all the time. He’s not really a principle-driven guy or, at least, he’s a guy whose principles are regularly beaten out by his emotions.

DC pre-Flashpoint would be like “he’s an Evil Man who does things for Evil” and I’m like, hey, have you read your own comics because he’s clearly got more compelling motivations than that. But then fans will be like “everything he does is part of a moral plan” and no tf it’s not that either.

I’ve seen people insist that Jason’s work in UtRH has nothing to do with Bruce and is just about Jason doing what he thinks is right for Gotham, and I don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about!! I’m sorry, but if you read that storyline and truly think “nope, there’s no part of this that’s a kid lashing out at his dad because he feels unloved” you’re a fucking idiot!! It’s right there in the text!!!! It’s at the core of the climax!!

But just because that’s a motivation doesn’t mean it’s the only thing he’s ever motivated by, the only emotion he ever has. People don’t work like that.

Sometimes Jason does things to fuck with Bruce or Dick, or reach out to them in his own messed up way. Sometimes he independently does things he thinks are right. Sometimes he just does things he wants to do that fit neither category!

Why did Jason attack Tim after he came back? Well, I mean, it was established that he thought his death should have been the last and didn’t like kid sidekicks still existing, so maybe part of him was testing and pressing Tim. And also, he’s a deeply traumatized teenager convinced that his dad replaced him and fucking obviously he’s lashing out at the easiest target. The two things do not negate each other!

And it happens with his time as Robin too. DC pretends he was always angry, reckless, unprepared, not good enough to be Robin; that he was doomed at the end and doomed from the start; that his death was inevitable. And that ignores that he wasn’t a bad Robin at all, that every Robin has had pretty much the same amount of anger and mistakes, that his only mistake on the day of his death was trusting the wrong person.

But then fans do the same thing the opposite way, and insist Jason as Robin was a pure sweetheart who never did anything wrong, that he was the least angry Robin ever, that if he ever did do anything bad it was just bad writing and editorial vendetta because surely he could not have had flaws. And that ignores that Jason was just as much of a messy, struggling kid/teen as any other Robin; that he was regularly righteously angry, and occasionally acted on that anger in unfair or reckless ways; that being a good kid doesn’t mean being A Perfect Ball of Sunshine Always.

Jason as Robin was a full person with strengths and flaws and coherent motives and acts. He was neither a cautionary tale nor a pure angle.

Jason after his resurrection was a mess of contradictions who believed many things and wanted many other things and couldn’t even admit all of them to himself. He did a lot of reprehensible shit, but his motives were understandable, and often sympathetic, and occasionally even convincing, because that’s what made him an interesting character and foil.

To flatten him is to miss the point.

#i want to say if you think anything jason did had only a single motive you're wrong #although i'm SURE there's a counterexample to that #....i just cannot come up with it #* #*dc #dc #dc meta #jason todd #10to2

[abhainnwhump]

IMYM Chapter 17: The Battle for Birdtale: Nightmare

(Content warnings: Gore, genocide, body horror, decapitation, dehumanization, murder, child murder/mutilation, minor character death, cannibalism, organs used in ways organs should not be used. Somehow, this has a fluffy ending. I don’t know either.)

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“Today’s a big day for you, my little doll.” Nightmare said as he stroked Ribbon’s skull.

The doll kneeled before his throne with a smile on his face. It was a refreshing change from his constant moping. Nightmare decided to get him a teal pillow so he didn’t hurt his knees and legs. He had been shockingly compliant and affectionate since his surgeries—following every order, doing extra chores, giving him kisses every morning, and telling him how much he loved him. He even smiled and thanked him during all punishments. When Nightmare punished him with the white room, Ribbon didn’t fight back at all. Nightmare was almost concerned because he didn’t hear anything, and it. The day ended and he let Ribbon go. But instead of the shaking, begging, and crying he grew to expect, he was only met with shaking. Shaking and giggling this time. Ribbon snuggled up to him and thanked him over and over. Nightmare pushed him off, then he spent the rest of the day in his office. He wanted nothing to do with him and even he was disturbed with his behavior.

Nightmare assumed it was manipulation. Or Dust worked too close to his nonexistent brain. Ink was a prankster at heart, and if any of his old personality remained in Ribbon, he was pulling a trick. He proved less than a month ago it was a trick. Ribbon was too perfect too quick. So that’s why he came up with a plan for him to test if his loyalty was true.

“We’re going to put your skills to the test. I have the perfect AU for you to prove your worth. It’s an easy one; these monsters put up little fight. All you need to do is spread negativity and harm people. And I can see how lonely you are, you’re a very social person, so it would be healthy for you to see other people again.”

“Okay!” Ribbon said in a chipper tone, pulling the charm on his neck. Nightmare adored the amount of worship in his eye lights, fake or not. However, something was off this time.

“Is there something else you want to say?” Nightmare asked.

Ribbon paused, lowering his head. “Um, yes. I love you more than anything, but you’re right, I’m lonely. Is it okay if I make some new friends?”

Nightmare considered it. He didn’t want anyone weaving themselves into his doll’s head. When he said it’d be healthy, he meant to further prove they are enemies. They could give him silly ideas or make him question their relationship. Or worse, encourage him to escape and disobey him. The dark king knew what he was doing was wrong, but the truth is . . .

He didn’t care.

“No, no. You’ve never had a good choice in who you hang out with.” Ribbon’s smile slid. Nightmare pat his head. “Listen, you don’t need friends. You’re too close to perfection, having others to talk to will only bring you down. Your mind isn’t trained enough to know the difference between good and bad influences. It’s my job as your boyfriend to keep you safe. Do you understand?”

Ribbon stared straight ahead for a few moments, then nodded. “Thank you, you’re-you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Of course. Run along now.” Nightmare leaned back on his throne as Ribbon stood and left. He had mixed feelings about his personality change. On one hand, it was refreshing to have such a troublesome soul finally be obedient and quiet. And to be happy about it. On the other, it disturbed him.

The Lord of Negativity didn’t have the time or interest to think over the moralities of a situation like this. He had an AU to destroy and corrupt. Sighing, Nightmare stood up from his throne and went to make last-minute preparations.

================================================

Ribbon flipped his parasol around and shot a black paint bullet in the air. It disappeared into the atmosphere, but Nightmare could sense the created barrier. He smiled. No one gets in, no one gets out. Only Ribbon would be able to break it.

The Villian Sans Squad and Ribbon surveyed the surrounding AU. They hid behind a massive boulder and looked over it. No one seemed to have suspected anything, but there were a few nervous glances at the sky. Nightmare squinted. If you used enough focus, you could see a solid black barricade in the sky.

He glanced over at Ribbon. For the mission, Nightmare deliberately dressed him in extra cute clothes. A soft white blouse, a pale blue skirt with suspenders, and matching fuzzy boots. The doll caught him eyeing his outfit and blushed. He moved a little closer to Nightmare.

“What’s . . . plan?” Horror asked, pushing a pine branch out of his face.

“We kill everyone, duh,” Killer answered.

Nightmare pinched his nasal bridge. “No, you idiots. We’ve been over this a hundred times. You’re not going to kill anyone, just maim them enough so they wish they were dead. Oh, don’t give me the puppy eyes. Fine, one kill for every five people. Then I will drop in the special attack, the corruption. Does everyone remember the sign?”

Dust did an impression of an Eastern Screech owl. He kept it quiet so no one outside the team would hear.

“There we go,” Nightmare said. “Once I give the signal, we gather at the King’s Perch and leave. Killer, you are to plant the banner. Take whatever you want and show no mercy. Are you ready?”

“Ready, boss!” Killer exclaimed. He teleported off and the rest of the Murder Time Trio followed him.

Nightmare was about to follow when he felt something on his cheekbone. He turned to the side. Ribbon pulled away from kissing him. He hid his little face away. He pulled his string. “I’m sorry. I thought you would like it for good luck.”

Nightmare’s mouth twitched. “That was . . . sweet. But don’t do it again. Save any affection until after the mission. Do you understand? You can’t mess this up.”

“Yes, Nighty.”

Nightmare gave him a head pat. “Good doll. Now that we have that settled, go spread some negativity.”

The entire team attacked without remorse. Killer teleported and sliced. He went without a pattern, cutting the throats of random citizens. They were too shallow to cause serious damage. Friends and families watched as their loved ones fell to the ground, writhing in pain. They screamed and ran, but not without several cuts all over their bodies. Killer laughed.

Dust eyed a winged tortoise and shot him through the arm, kicking another monster in the stomach. He shot fields of bones to cripple others, preventing them from using their arms and legs to fight or run. He was more careful than Killer in making sure the monsters were only injured and not killed. A bird monster tried to stab Dust, but he caught the monster’s spear and snapped its wrist with his magic.

Horror’s attacks were by far the goriest. He swung his axe, amputated limbs and body parts, and chopped monsters down the middle. The members of the Royal Guard fought him off, but Horror was practically a tank. A bloodthirsty tank. He tore into the stomach of Dogaressa before ripping out her intestines and using them to strangle Dogamy. He stomped on his back and stabbed his axe into another monster, twisting it to damage every organ. Nightmare had to be sure not to get blood stains on his suit.

Ribbon hid in the shadows. He broke sticks to draw attention and stir paranoia. Then he would jump monsters, pinning them down and freezing them with paint. Ribbon took his parasol, stabbed monsters through their limbs, or knocked them out. He yipped and opened the canopy to shield himself from the blood, dirt, and grime. He left his opponents gasping for air in a dazed yet shocked state. Ribbon kept looking at Nightmare for approval. Nightmare nodded at him and he would go back to fight.

Nightmare did what he did best, spread despair. His tendrils wrapped around souls and strangled them until the positivity drained out. His aura made the panicking monsters feel worse. He walked casually, enjoying the sharp metallic scent of blood and the screams of agony. He chuckled under his breath and held his hands out in front of him. The cruel magic he used to torture his twin not long ago started the size of a gold ball. As Nightmare absorbed more of the negativity, the corruption leaked out of his hands. Spreading onto the ground it began to claim everything, monster-made or natural. What did Dream call this? Ah yes, a Code Purple. But Nightmare’s power had grown since the last one.

Along with terrorizing the monsters, the VSS burned down homes and the land. Horror destroyed the most, having the largest stature and weapon to work with. He smashed wood with his axe. Ribbon focused on destroying smaller things with his paint and parasol. He knocked glass and ceramic objects off and covered everything with black paint.

Killer shot monsters fleeing through the sky with his knives. They all fell either to the ground with serious injuries or into the void below. Screams and crackling filled the air. Nightmare sensed a surge of- well, not positivity, but something close. Hope and determination. He melted himself into a puddle and swept through the ground.

He found the source. It was from two larger monsters. The first was a tall skeleton wearing a battle body, red leg warmers, goggles, and an orange hooded cloak. His white feather wings were almost larger than he was. The second was an effeminate robot with a silver body, talons for feet, and luminant pink wings and tail. Papion and Mettacon, Birdtale Papyrus and Mettaton respectively, stood guard. They protected a group of monsters from corruption.

Nightmare stayed in the shadows, debating his move. He looked around and spotted Horror nearby, focusing on destroying a home. He put his fingers to his mouth and whistled. Horror turned around and Nightmare pointed at the group with a tendril.

Papion’s head shot in the direction of Nightmare’s whistle and he held a bone in one hand. The bone missed and Horror teleported to dodge. He slashed Papion with his axe but he missed by a few inches. The little monsters behind him screamed and fled the scene.

The taller skeleton stared at him and shouted. “HEY!”

Mettacon held his blaster arm forward and fired a beam of white light at Horror. He blocked it with a Gaster Blaster and a grin.

Papion looked shocked. “WHY DO YOU LOOK SO MUCH LIKE MY BROTHER?”

Horror silenced him with a slash of his ax. Papion’s head flew to the ground and his body crumbled. Nightmare set his sights on Mettacon and attacked from behind. His tendrils wrapped around his arms and legs and pulled. Mettacon squirmed and his peacock tail flared.

Wires ripped and sparks flew in the air. Mettacon's limbs flew across the air and crashed into dents and electricity. While he didn’t die, the lights on his eyes flickered out and he fell. His torso and head lay empty on the ground. He would need someone to power him again, but given Nightmare’s observations, there was no one left for that.

“Boss!” Dust called. “Killer cornered the Sans, Frisk, and Undyne of this AU together. They’re in the pit over there. We’re goin’ to attack all of them at once. You comin’?”

The Lord of Negativity chuckled. “Of course I’m going with.” He looked around. “Where did Ribbon go?”

Dust shrugged. “I saw him somewhere around here. He bashed someone’s head into a wall and ran off.”

Nightmare kept that in mind. The amount of negativity must be throwing off his powers. He would find him before they left the AU. Nightmare followed Dust and they made it to the pit where Killer stood above three monsters.

“Hey now, we can talk this out.” Aviar shrugged, seemingly unfazed at the five murderers approaching them. He, Lark, and Kyne edged together in a circle. Lark clung to his leg; Aviar shielded them with his wings like a brother to a younger sibling. “Someone is going to end up with egrets. And call me foul but I don’t think anyone wants to swallow that.” He chuckled weakly at his own bad puns.

Kyne rolled her eyes. “By order of the Royal Guard, I command you to stop your assault!” She growled, staying on task. Her spear pointed at Nightmare. He rolled his eye. As if an Undyne’s weapon could damage him. It would have the effect of a wood splinter.

Nightmare laughed. “You may be a guard, but I am a king. If you’re wise, then you’ll kneel and surrender. In exchange, I will make your corruptions painless.”

“Never!” Kyne growled. She summoned a second spear to block Aviar and Lark. Lark especially looked terrified, shaking with a terrified aura. They looked on the brink of tears. Aviar kneeled and whispered something in their ear. Lark hugged him, Aviar rubbing their head.

Birdtale’s Sans looked up. He held his left wing up, almost as if it could be a weapon on its own. “Again, listen. We don’t need any violence. You guys have already done enough.”

Killer leaped down from the rocky perch he stood on. “Yeah, and here’s the thing. We want to cause violence. It’s fun, you know?”

Turning their trembling lips into a scowl, Lark spoke in signs. Nightmare understood sign language as he found it fascinating to study; he was fluent. Lark called him a curse he chose not to repeat.

Aviar chuckled at Lark’s vulgar language. “My thoughts exactly, kid.” He looked over at Kyne and ruffled his wings. “We can take on these guys. There’s only four of them, we can each take one and team up at the end.”

“No, there’s a fifth member, I can sense them.” Kyne aimed her spear toward the pine trees. Nightmare couldn’t locate Ribbon. Not his aura or any noise. He- no, he took away his ability to make portals. He must be somewhere else right now. Nightmare considered calling him, but he preferred the element of surprise.

“Damn it.” Aviar looked around at the killers and turned to Lark. He held their shoulders and lowered himself to match their height. “Frisk, you need to RESET. I know, I know, we made a promise, but these guys are bad news. I kinda overestimated us, sorry. If we RESET, they’ll get caught and disappear forever. I think. Eh, it’s our only chance. Birds of a feather stick together, remember?”

The child held their hands up to argue, but they didn’t and took Avair’s hands instead. With their lower lip trembling, they squeezed their eyes shut and focused. A rectangle button appeared in thin air. An orange box surrounded the word RESET in orange letters.

“Nope!” Killer shot a Gaster Blaster at it and the button shattered. He shot a second blaster at Lark. They ducked and dodged, rolling on the ground.

“Run, punk!” Kyne shouted. Lark was frozen in place. Nightmare fed from their negativity, doubt, and anxiety. Kyne soughed and gave the kid a push, firing spears at Dust. He shot his pistols back. Their attacks either missed, collided in the air, or rarely hit their opponent. Lark managed to run and regain their composure and wit.

Nightmare went after Lark. He harnessed their negative emotions and took them to the extreme. They fell to their knees, shaking and crying from stress. A grin forming on his face, Nightmare shot his tendrils out and wrapped around their arms, pulling. Lark struggled and gasped under the pressure.

Kyne continued to stab her spears against Dust and Horror. She blocked Horror’s ax and formed a wall to ward off Dust. Horror brought his weapon down over her head and the two clashed. One of her spears stabbed through Dust’s arms and he hissed. Horror growled at seeing Dust in pain.

The butcher shoved his axe through her lower leg, dragging out a long slash through her flesh. Kyne’s muscles and red tissue were exposed; she lost her balance. Blood spread into the grass beneath her, followed by cries of pain.

“Poor girl, do you need a hand?” Nightmare asked with mockery in his voice. He hovered his tendrils above her body and wrapped them tight. Bone snapping and screaming filled the air. Red blood dripped through his tendrils. Nightmare swung his tendrils and threw her off the edge of Birdtale’s cliffs.

Kyne grabbed the edge of the bluff, but her injured body couldn’t hold her weight. Her fingers slipped and she tumbled off the edge of the cliff. Her body crashed against the rock once before she fell into the abyss. Nightmare watched her fall with a calm half-smile and his hands behind his back. He didn’t even hear her hit the bottom.

Lark gasped and covered their mouth. One of their closest friends was gone. The skeletons turned their attention to them. Dust teleported behind Lark and fired a Gaster Blaster. They ducked out of the way with the tips of their wings charred. They pat them against the ground to kill the purple flames. Then they pulled out their knife, looking around to figure out who to fight. They chose the worst option.

Lark charged at Horror.

They flew around him as their soul glowed an even brighter red. Lark waited for Horror to turn around before throwing the knife down from the sky. It stabbed him in the shoulder.

Horror picked it out as if it were nothing but a splinter. He turned to Lark and growled, baring his teeth. He charged at them with his axe. Lark covered their mouth and flew into the air. Horror grabbed their ankle and dragged them back to the ground.

Lark gasped and fell, ripping their pants and scraping their knees against the ground. They rolled to dodge Horror’s axe strikes while he still held their ankle. Trying to keep their hand from being chopped off, they grabbed their knife from nearby.

Lark attempted to stab Horror again, but he was three times their size and more experienced. He picked the knife out of their hand and tossed it aside. With a whimper, the child tried to escape, but they were too slow and weak. The damaged ankle weakened them further. That’s when Horror sliced his ax clean across their neck.

Their bloody body crumpled to the ground and their head rolled in the opposite direction. Their blood spewed across the grass and tainted it dark red in seconds.

“KID!” Aviar screamed. He flew to Lark’s body and cradled it. Their bright red soul levitated from their chest. He reached out for it, but Horror shattered it with his ax. Aviar extended his wings and grabbed Horror’s turtleneck. He shot into the sky.

He punched him in the face over and over. His face contorted with rage. Horror wrapped his large hand around Aviar’s neck and flipped them around. He used his weight to overpower Aviar and force his wings to his bend, making them both go down at high speed. White streaming marks blew around them as they fell fast and crashed into the rocks. Horror leaped off Aviar, using his body as a cushion and a springboard.

The bird monster crawled out of the rocks, coughing and scowling. Scratches covered his face and hands from falling onto the rubble. A long slash on his foreskull drew blood down his face. Aviar panted, standing up on his shaky legs. His right wing was bent at an unnatural angle. Despite everything, he refused to back down. A stick cracked, followed by a giggle.

Nightmare narrowed his eye and searched for the sound. He spotted a glint of pastel blue in the blacked trees and grinned. There he was. He saw a chance and called out to him. “Ribbon, come on out, sweetie. Aviar wants to play.”

“Ribbon?” Aviar’s expression changed from anger to confusion. “Who’s Ribbon?”

Seconds after he asked the question, Ribbon jumped into sight. He kicked Aviar in the face and flipped. Aviar clutched his face and looked up, eye sockets growing larger at the black mark on Ribbon’s cheekbone.

“Wait, Ink? You’re Ribbon?” Aviar stepped back in horror. “What the hell happened to you? What’s going on? What are you wearing?”

Ribbon stopped and stared at him with a strange, confused look in his eye lights. Nightmare narrowed his gaze, monitoring his actions. This was his test. If Ribbon defended Aviar, he’d know he faked his loyalty and obedience again. Nightmare would punish him relentlessly. Sewing buttons into his eye sockets sounded fair.

Instead of what he was expecting, Ribbon broke into a hysteric haunting giggle. He charged at Aviar. The raven flew into the air. Ribbon leaped to one of the rocks and made platforms out of paint to keep up with him. He ran down a long platform and tackled Aviar out of the sky. Aviar’s wings and Ribbon’s paint softened the blow of the fall. Ribbon landed on top of Aviar.

“Don’t run, play with me!” Ribbon slowly turned his head to the side. “Please? I’m so lonely.”

Aviar went paralyzed under his watch but soon gained his wits. He threw a punch. Ribbon dodged. Aviar rolled over and switched their position, pinning the doll to the ground.

Aviar forced Ribbon to look at him. He didn’t have his joking tone. “Buddy, can you hear me? Are you listening? That guy clearly did something to you, and I don’t know what, but you gotta wake up! I can help you and we’ll get your friends. But you need to stopfightingand calm down.”

Ribbon stared at him and shivered at his words. Aviar touched his cheekbone with his wing and he screamed. “No! No! No! No! Stop! Stop! You’re lying! I don’t have any friends!” He formed a wall of bones made of black paint and fired them at Aviar, then he hid under his parasol. He shielded himself with his wings, making them bleed and rip when the bones hit. He screamed. Lowering his wings, all the empathy drained from Aviar’s expression.

“On second thought, I take back what I said. I don’t know who you are, but you’re not Ink anymore.” Aviar summoned a Gaster Blaster with a heavy breath. His magic supply was almost gone. The stress and battle were too much for him. He stretched out his wings, flapped in place, and attempt to flee. Ribbon shot a puddle of black paint at his feet to hold him in place. Aviar gasped and coughed with tears of delicious defeat in his eyes.

Dust walked toward him, spinning a bone attack in his hand. He grabbed Aviar by the scruff of his neck and traced the brim of his wings. “Sheesh, your wings are a mess. How about I preen them for you, free of charge?”

Before Aviar could protest, Dust took each wing and sliced them repeatedly. Black down fell in messy piles. The raven let out a bloodcurdling scream, music to Nightmare’s nonexistent ears. He kicked him and he fell to the ground. Aviar ran a hand over what was left. His wings were bare, skeletal, and with only a few feathers remaining. Blood pooled around him. Aviar would’ve cried if he wasn’t frozen with shock. Wings to a Birdtale monster were as important as shelter to a hibernating animal. Take those away and they’re helpless.

Aviar flapped the remains but stayed on the ground. He gritted his teeth to repress a whine. He switched to his back and crawled backward, trying for one more chance at mercy. “C’mon, you’re a Sans too, right? You’re me from another world. You had to have friends, or at least a brother. What happened to your Papyrus? Is this what he would’ve-”

Dust howled a battle cry and shot him in the chest over and over. Aviar screamed again. The murderer’s blue jacket was stained red and purple. Dust panted once his gun ran out of bullets and blood splattered the scene.

Nightmare crouched in front of the fallen bird, one arm on his knee. He held the other hand out toward him. Aviar cringed as his white, upside-down soul flew from his chest and into the dark king’s grasp. Nightmare teased him, squeezing and releasing it, making Aviar wince and moan in pain.

“Would you like to know what I’m about to do with this?” Nightmare channeled his magic into the soul. He learned from his mistakes with Dream.

“What?” The raven grunted.

“I’m going to give you a little upgrade, as it were. Don’t worry, this will only hurt a little.” He forced his finger bones into the soul until it cracked. Soul magic dripped onto his fingers.

Aviar twitched and spasmed as if having a seizure. Liquid negativity leaked from his eye sockets, nasal bone, and mouth. Bones shattered, turning black and dark magenta. What remained of his wings flapped uncontrollably. His soul turned black like his friends up above. He couldn’t even scream due to the poison consuming his voice and body. He tried, and black liquid spilled onto the dirt.

Nightmare returned the soul to the corrupted monster’s chest. It shifted onto its knees, its mouth hanging open.

“You . . . monster.” The once Aviar wheezed. It sounded like he was gurgling oil.

Nightmare stood up without a single care. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

Everyone in this AU was either dead or a zombie. Not a single positive emotion remained. It was a perfect negative battery, and that meant their job was complete. Pressing two fingers against his mouth, Nightmare made the owl screech. Horror took attention first, his senses were the strongest thanks to his AU. He abandoned Lark’s arm that he was eating and trudged over to his boss. His mouth and ax still dripped with their blood as he wiped it off. Nightmare peered over at the carcass. Lark’s body was barely recognizable. Massive pieces of flesh were torn off, revealing bones, ligaments, and organs. They were missing their sleeves.

Killer teleported to Nightmare. Dust scouted the territory before he joined them. He reshifted his baseball cap so the brim would shadow his face. And last, Ribbon put his parasol away and brushed off his skirt. He cringed at bloodstains, but he didn’t fuss too much before walking to the team. He looked up at Nightmare and smiled, barely able to hide his giggles.

Nightmare hummed and turned around to look at Dust. The murderer teleported up to King’s Perch and pulled a banner out of his jacket. He grabbed a stick and stabbed it into the ground before attaching the banner to him. Nightmare walked over and set a tendril on his shoulder. “Dust, I noticed you had a little . . . episode back there. Is everything alright now?”

“M’fine, boss. Don’t worry about me.” He lowered his head and turned away. He walked over to where Killer, Horror, and Ribbon stood.

“I see . . .” Nightmare wasn’t satisfied with the answer, but he could always talk to him later. There was another member of the team he was more concerned about right now, his little doll. Nightmare joined Killer, Horror, Dust, and Ribbon. Ribbon looked the most excited, which made Nightmare pleased. He laughed with the others as they shared jokes and exaggerated kills. His injuries or fear didn’t seem to be affecting him. Nightmare wrapped his tendrils around his waist and pulled him away from the others.

“Did you have a good time, little one?” Nightmare asked.

Ribbon nodded quickly and smiled brighter. He pulled his string. His voice was ever higher when he was happy. “Yes! Yes! This was so much fun! Can we do it again soon?”

Nightmare booped his nasal bone, which sent Ribbon into giggles. “You will be on plenty more missions in the future, my doll. Harming people is so much more fun than helping them, don’t you agree?”

Ribbon thought about his answer. “Hm . . . mm-hm! Helping people is boring, I don’t know what I was thinking with the Stars! Besides, when you’re happy, I’m happy too, and this makes you really happy.”

Nightmare kissed his forehead. “Good dollie, that’s what I want to hear. You’ve done such a good job and I’m proud. Very proud.” Nightmare cupped his chin and kissed him. Ribbon melted in the touch as his hands covered his. Nightmare was rougher with his kisses than Ribbon was. Nightmare pulled away to speak. “You have done an excellent job on today’s mission and have been remarkably obedient. You have proven yourself loyal and true. I’m proud of you; you’ve made immense progress and are no longer the arrogant prick I took in a few months ago.

“Really? You’re proud of me?” Ribbon’s aura lit up with intense positivity. Nightmare cringed at it but refused to let it show.

“Indeed. You had a chance to betray me and run away, but you refused to take it. Such good behavior and compliance deserve to be rewarded.”

His positivity grew. “With what?”

“Something I believe you will enjoy. I will allow you to sleep with me tonight and you may have all the gentle affection you desire.”

Ribbon stopped breathing, and didn’t realize he did until he fell into a coughing fit. Black paint sputtered into his hand. His eye lights glowed as yellow stars, then they switched back to pink hearts.

Nightmare raised a browbone. He decided to tease Ribbon. “I’m assuming that’s a no?”

“No! I mean, yes! I mean, oh mint-chip biscuits.” Ribbon facepalmed. “Yes, I want to sleep with you. I’m just excited you asked. Thank you! Thank you!” He hugged Nightmare and bounced, saying ‘thank you’ over and over.

“You’re welcome,” Nightmare said. “I only have one request. You are to wear the outfit I assign to you. Well, two requests. The other is to keep your positivity in check because you’re giving me a migraine.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” The drop in positivity cleared Nightmare’s head. Ribbon didn’t mind needing to lower his energy. “I’ll wear whatever you want me to!”

Nightmare nodded, still so proud of his toy as Killer called out to him. “Boss! Are you done sweet-talking Ribbon or are we going to get going? This place reeks.” He kicked the corrupted body of another monster. The hate inside his soul and eyes made him almost immune to the effects.

“Ah, of course. My apologies, I was distracted.” Nightmare chuckled, arm wrapped around Ribbon’s as he opened a portal. The team gathered together and walked through the portal. The Birdtale citizens were left to suffer from corruption, or they were lucky and died. Either way, Nightmare had a new AU to use as a negativity battery.

================================================

Tap. Tap.

The dark lord peered up from his book. Ribbon rapped his knuckles on the doorway to attract his attention. He wore the lacey pink nightgown he ordered- encouraged him to. Between his outfit and shy, reclusive stance, he looked innocent and helpless. Docile.

Nightmare smiled, setting his novel and monocle on the nightstand. “Ah, Ribbon. Don’t be afraid, come in.”

Ribbon shuffled inside and looked around the room in awe. Nightmare understood why. His bedroom was almost twice as large as the Murder Time Trio’s and he was the only person allowed in. Ribbon was never allowed inside before. Most of the space belonged to a king-sized bed with high poles and draped black curtains. A bookshelf was tucked by the farthest wall with Nightmare’s favorites. The titles went back hundreds of years and the condition of the books reflected that. A triangle glass door opened to a balcony that looked out onto the mountains and forests outside. The stars weren’t as bright as Outertale’s, but they were enough.

Nightmare opened part of the blankets. Ribbon laid down and nestled into his side; the doll’s body was warm against his. Ribbon eyed the corner of his mouth. Forming a half smile, Nightmare didn’t mind indulging in his desires. He kissed him softly, letting Ribbon melt into it. He went for his neck, pressing kisses and bites on the bone. Despite being hard enough to leave marks, he didn’t draw any blood; he was careful about his fangs on him. Ribbon gasped and giggled when he grazed a sensitive spot. Necks were a vulnerable spot for anyone and allowing him access revealed trust. It was almost humorous. No more than four months ago, Ribbon would never let him this close, especially in such an intimate way. Even onemonth ago he’d be trying to push him off. But he knew better than to try anything now, he finally learned to be good.

After several minutes of kissing, cuddling, and sweet nothings, Nightmare let him go. Ribbon lay on the pillow, still snuggled against his shoulder and giving him adoring doe eyes. He looked over at the book on Nightmare’s nightstand. “What’s that?”

Nightmare followed his gaze and lowered his tendril to see. “It’s about this group of humans who battle monsters and- well, how about you listen to the story and learn yourself? I have no problem reading to you.”

Ribbon tilted his head and looked curious, but he pulled back. “I would love that! But wouldn’t you have to start over? I don’t want to be annoying.”

Nightmare pet his head with his tendril. “How considerate, but you don’t need to worry. I’ve read this book eleven times and the sequels more. I know every twist and turn, you won’t be bothering me at all. Now, settle in and enjoy yourself, that’s an order.”

Ribbon lay his skull on his shoulder as he followed the pages Nightmare read aloud. One of his tendrils wrapped around Ribbon’s shoulders and he smiled. He was silent for the entirety and, though Nightmare refused to admit it, it was pleasant. The doll made good company when he wasn’t speaking. The pull-string voice box was an excellent idea. By chapter two, Ribbon yawned and closed his eye sockets, dozing off in chapter three.

Nightmare chuckled once he started snoring. His voice surgery made them sound less irritating and more sweet and quiet. His tendrils tucked him in so he was comfortable. Ribbon was completely at his mercy. He kissed his foreskull before bookmarking their place and turning off the lamp. “Oh, Ink. If only your friends could see you now.”

#IMYM #whump #whumpblr #whump writing #creepy whumper #conditioned whumpee #brainwashed whumpee #ink x nightmare #ink sans #inkmare #Ribbon!Ink #intimate whumper #nightmare sans #birdtale #birdtale sans #nightink #killer sans #dust sans #bad sans gang #horror sans #body horror whump #whumpee x whumper #whumper x whumpee #whumpee turned whumper #minor character death #undertale au #undertale #underverse #tw child death

[bubblingbeebles]

gundam IBO aka my problems with mari okada

i finished gundam IBO, tried to figure out why it felt so wrong, and only afterwards found out it was written by mari okada and honestly that explains so much.

if she somehow reads this post i’m sorry but here is my thesis about mari okada: all of her works have the same two problems:

1 - they set up a situation that will pull on your heartstrings, but then pull so much harder than was narratively justified that it breaks immersion and ruins the impact

2 - they have weirdly-romanticized ideas about romance, basically where a character falls for some idea that a person represents rather than the person themself, while also usually either (a) being heteronormative and/or steeped in tropey gender roles (b) ignoring perfectly good (less idolizing) chemistry between a different pairing

spoiler zone under the cut.

first of all, disclaimer: the other okada works i’ve seen that i’m comparing to are anohana, nakitai neko, maquia, and toradora. i found the first two to be insufferable, textbook examples of both problems. i liked maquia because i think it got the heartstring pull right, perhaps as a fluke, and avoided problem 2 by being about motherhood instead of romance. i tolerate toradora because, despite the annoying harem, it at least subverted problem 2 in the end by ending with the pairing that has actual chemistry.

IBO, i also find to be textbook examples of both problems, and both problems boil down to the fact that the show never really graduates from the toxic orga-mika-flashback ideology (”keep fighting until we reach the promised land“)

problem 1 basically comes down to how dark the ending is, how much they all lose in the end. the show presents an oppressive system - not just evil individuals - and so many ways our protags could have beat that system, but ultimately makes each one fail either through chance or through character flaw, and like, that’s not just crushing as a story beat, that’s crushing on the meta level of what makes a good story. the show could have been about cashing out with a peaceful life (i.e. not pursue the “king of mars” dream), but no. the show could have been about refusing to let the ends justify the means (i.e. refuse to partner with char chocolate mcgillis), but no. the show could have been about political reform and postwar quality of life (i.e. give any screentime to kudelia’s s2 business exploits), but no. in each case the orga-mika ideology blinded them to everything but to fight. the show set up from the very beginning to have them outgrow that ideology, and then spectacularly failed to deliver.

back on the object level, a more obvious example of problem 1 is just the string of named character killings. in season 1, biscuit’s death had meaningful narrative consequences. in season 2, i predicted naze would die after being politically maneuvered into some corner, which would have been narratively satisfying... if they payoff had been anything other than “now more characters will die with increasingly little justification”. we get the same exact story beat with takaki/aston, with akihiro/lafter, with yamagi/shino, and ultimately with orga. i’m not saying “war produces senseless deaths en masse” is a bad moral, i’m saying that repeating the same exact setup four times robs that moral of its emotional impact.

anyways, on to problem 2: atra and kudelia.

i should be happy about our girls getting a happy end where they’re literally married! i really should! the thing is..! the whole framing around it is stained with authorial intent so deeply that even this literal gay marriage is somehow heteronormative.

in short: the on-screen pretense of their relationship dramatically fails the bechdel test. (whatever happens off screen, the camera lens matters.)

in long: atra and kudelia explicitly talk about their respective relationships to mikazuki in that exact mari-okada-weirdly-romanticized way (”when a girl is crying, a boy should console her”), whereas their relationship to each other is, while obvious, unstated so explicitly as that, and i think that - because of okada’s track record - you need to do some heavy death-of-the-author-ing if you want to claim that they, in character, realize they have romantic chemistry on their own. moreover, as i wrote before i saw s2:

when she was jealous of kudelia about mikazuki, and then all it took was 1 poly adult role model to instantly break her out of that, was such a moment. i hope she meets a gay person and has the same moment again and then (becomes an adult and then) they date

...this of course never happens(*), and so, literally married as they are, occam’s razor says that in character, the only role model they have remains naze’s harem, where women can only be connected romantically indirectly via a guy -- in their case, the memory of a deceased emotional blank slate of a guy, as newly embodied in akatsuki -- and thus they are together because that indirection makes them platonic family (which is a powerful theme of the show in its own right, so it naturally completes the logic here).

(*worse yet: the only on-screen-text-canon gay character, yamagi, is heavily tokenized and brutally bury-your-gays-ed, and i find this actively harms the case, because it sets the precedent that if it was gay, they could have been explicit about it.)

if okada sensei had just spent 5 seconds of screen time for one of them to say “you know, what we have with each other is also romantic, isn’t it”, it would have been an amazing subversion of her own trope, but no. i can’t ignore the author here even if, underneath the metatext, their chemistry and their happy end are undeniable.

and that, i suppose, is why i am so eager about witch from mercury, even if its politics are even more incoherent than ever. it at least gives us - not just the queerness - but the queer-normativity we deserve in storytelling.

#gundam #iron blooded orphans #gundam ibo #mari okada #kudelia aina bernstein #atra mixta #mikazuki augus #queer shit #gundam the witch from mercury