#and kisses from Merrin

[thehalfbloodfreak]

He just stood there for.. hours.. the whole day?? My poor baby… he needs all the hugs

#and kisses from Merrin #Cal didn’t deserve the purge #dang it Anakin I love you too but look what you’ve done #jedi survivor #cal kestis #Star Wars #video games

[goosewriting]

Of bunk beds and confessions

summary: when there’s a new crew member on the Mantis, reader feels discouraged to confess to Cal.

relationship: Cal Kestis x GN reader

warnings: slight spoilers for Jedi Fallen Order, dw it has a happy ending uvu

word count: 2.8k

A/N: recently finished JFO (finally! lol) and i have A Lot Of Feelings so, here you go

prompt used: hesitant kisses, but when they part one whispers "do it again. please."(source, by @urfriendlywriter)

(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)

— — —

You’re waiting on the Mantis with Cere and Greez for Cal to get back with the Astrium. You’re currently on Dathomir, and you’re not entirely sure what he had to do to get the thing, but he comm’d you some minutes ago saying he’s on his way back to you.

You stand at the top of the ship’s ramp, trying to see if you can see him somewhere. You’ve been worried out of your mind when he would send you short and clipped messages, telling you he had to fight some mysterious but apparently very powerful traveller he met on this planet. The whole place gave you the creeps; with the Nightsisters gone and all, it just felt like a hollow, haunted memory of a civilization. 

Despite everything being tinted red, from the rocky formations all the way up to the sky, your eyes catch a familiar flash of copper hair. Your head turns and you look out to Cal, who’s about to reach the ship. Only then do you finally allow yourself to breathe properly again. 

The thought crosses your mind that, with how worried you are when Cal’s gone, not knowing if it’s the last time you’ll see him when you wish the Force to be by his side as he leaves for several hours, only to come back all beat up… Maybe you should finally tell him how you feel. It’s a selfish thought, but you’re not sure how much longer your heart can take this. 

Turning back inside, you shake your head and try to calm the pounding against your ribcage. The important thing is that he’s back, he’s alive. 

“Cal’s back!” you call to the rest of the crew, and everyone gathers around the dinner table just as Cal walks up the ramp to the Mantis.

“You found it!” Cere says when she sees the small, black item in Cal’s hand, who’s showcasing it.

Suddenly, there’s a flurry of green and black behind him as a person appears out of thin air.

“Whoa, who’s this?” Greez asks, pointing to the stranger. 

As you take in her appearance, you kinda freeze: it’s a Nightsister. BD beeps excitedly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” the pilot asks the droid, still unsure about her presence on his ship.

“It means I’ll be joining you,” she says, with an accent and with confidence. You look at Cal, hoping for him to intervene, but instead, he looks excited. Cal points to each of you, introducing you all by name to the newcomer.

“And this is Merrin,” Cal finishes, pointing to her.

“Wha–” Greez looks up at him just as shocked as you are. “She’s a witch, isn’t she?”

“A Nightsister,” Merrin corrects him. “Your fear is unnecessary.”

“I couldn’t have gotten the Astrium without her,” Cal explains. “We fought Malicos together. I trust her.”

Those words hit you like a bag of bricks. He trusts her. They fought together. She must be a skilled warrior, then. Meanwhile you’re just… you. And next to her, it doesn’t feel like enough. 

“And we trust you,” Cere retorts with a smile directed at Cal, then turns serious as she looks at Merrin. “You will have to earn it.” 

“Fine, grab some seat,” Greez mutters under his breath as he makes his way to the cockpit. “As long as she doesn’t do anything funny.”

“Welcome aboard,” Cere finally says to Merrin and follows Greez to the front of the ship. 

Cal looks after them for a second, then turns to the new crew member.

“They like you,” he remarks, and looks at you as if waiting for you to add something, but you’ve long averted your eyes from him. 

The image of Cal looking at Merrin is now burned in your retinas. Doubt and jealousy spread within you, so you leave for the back of the ship, missing Merrin’s questioning gaze on you. 

Greez sets course for Zeffo to bring the Astrium to the temple and finally, hopefully get the Holocron. You wonder what will happen after that. Is the crew gonna split up? You sure hope not; you don’t really have anywhere else to go.

You didn’t join the Mantis team much earlier than Cal did, so this was your first time you were on the move with Jedis, and if you were being honest, you liked it. Most of it, at least. You liked the sense of adventure, sure. The constant worry about a certain redhead, not so much. And yet you can’t get enough of him and his boyish smile as he apologises for the scratches and bruises you nurse back to health. You’re sure that you’d follow him to the end of the Galaxy if he asked you to. 

But that probably isn’t gonna happen, not if you correctly read how Cal and Merrin exchanged looks throughout the evening when eating dinner. Merrin asked for her steak rare, and you felt that with every jab of her fork into the meat (which to you was way too red), she was looking in your direction. You really weren’t in the mood to confront the newcomer, especially when Cal and even BD seemed so thrilled to have her here, so you tried to ignore her most of the day. Which probably wasn’t the most polite thing to do, but there were other things on your mind.

When the time came to sleep, the crew had to make a few changes. The Mantis has four separate rooms with two bunks each, and until you figure out something better, Cal volunteered to bunk with Greez so Merrin could have her own room.

Now lying in your bed at night, you think back to how you almost didn’t get to talk at all with Cal since he arrived with the Astrium today, despite how worried you were. Just like every other time he’s gone ever since this race for the Holocron started.

As the medic of the crew you’ve had to patch up Cal several times, often giving him a piece of your mind, given how badly injured he came back sometimes. You don’t consider him to be reckless though, in fact you saw how competent he is first-hand when he defended you from an Inquisitor. But still you can’t help the knot in your throat and the tightening in your chest that only loosen up when you see him coming back to the Mantis in one piece. 

And just like every time he came back, today too he sat on the chair as you cleaned up his wounds. Usually you two would chat while you work, but today you had refrained from saying too much, scared that the conversation would shift to the new crew member, and as such giving away how you felt about her. Not that you disliked her (you still hadn’t dealt with Merrin enough to get an idea of the person she was), but her being seemingly close to Cal had put a significant dent in your confidence. Your plans of confessing your feelings to him were now thrown into the bin and you felt silly for ever thinking you had a chance to begin with.

You sigh to yourself in your bunk, pulling the blanket up to your chin and waiting for the ship’s constant hums of hyperspace to lull you to sleep. But at the speed your mind is racing, you doubt sleep will come your way any time soon.

Just as you’re considering doing some reading instead of sleeping in an attempt to tire yourself out, there’s a knock at your door.

Your breath hitches and you tense up. The first person that comes to mind is Merrin; what if she’s here to tell you off or something? To confront you about your attitude at dinner? Or worse, what if she’s here to… hurt you? 

No wait, that’s ridiculous. Shaking away your thoughts, you clear your throat.

“Come in,” you call to the person on the other side.

Much to your surprise, when the door slides open, it’s Cal standing there. A shirtless Cal to be exact, only wearing sweats. He's holding BD in his arms and quickly comes in, closing the door behind him, and approaches you to sit on the edge of your bed.

“I did not know a body so small could snore so loudly” he remarks and yawns. 

Even though you've seen Cal without his shirt plenty of times when patching him up, you can feel the heat prickling your cheeks. You really hope he can’t see how you're eyeing him up, no matter how much you try to tear away your gaze.

“Can I… sleep here tonight?” he asks, and your heart skips a beat. You internally reprimand yourself for that as he’s obviously asking about the bunk above you, not about sharing your bed. 

“Of course,” you reply, hoping your voice doesn’t betray you. 

He thanks you and climbs onto the bed. BD beeps something you don't understand, and Cal answers in quiet whispers you can't really hear.

Some minutes pass by, and you have to remind yourself to breathe. Now there is for sure no way you'll fall asleep, great. You plan on waiting for him to pass out so you can pull out your book, but Cal keeps shifting back and forth, seemingly unable to find a comfortable position to sleep in. 

“Can’t sleep?” you ask after some time, and he sighs deeply.

“Sorry, I'm probably shaking the whole thing,” he says with a sheepish chuckle.

“Wanna sleep down here?” you find yourself proposing, and mentally facepalm yourself. What you meant to say was “Want to switch places?”, but now you made it sound like you're inviting him to sleep in your bed with you. Not that you'd have anything against it, but he's probably taken aback by it–

His fiery hair hangs from his head as he’s peeking down over the edge of the bunk to look at you.

“Really?” he asks, and you can't tell if the tone of his voice is teasing or hopeful. He probably understood what you meant about switching places, right? And that's what he means to do?  

You merely nod your head with an affirmative hum, and Cal’s face disappears so he can properly climb down. He comes to stand beside the bed just as you're sitting up to get out. You're about to throw your legs over the edge when he places a knee next to you, and you freeze.

“Scoot over” he instructs, and you follow. He lifts the blanket and slides under.

You turn on your side with your back to him, trying to shuffle all the way to the wall so he has enough space. Instead you feel yourself being pulled back as Cal hugs you from behind and brings you into his chest, tangling his legs with yours. BD joins the nap pile as well and settles at the end of the bed.

“Is this okay?” he asks, tightening his hold around your waist ever so slightly, and you're still too stunned to speak, so once again you merely nod, and he heaves a deep sigh, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck.

“Is this okay for you though?” you suddenly blurt out. He lifts his head at the question.

“What do you mean?”

“I thought… you and Merrin…” you say and immediately regret it, forcing yourself to shut up. You should have just kept silent and enjoyed this moment. 

“What about her?” Cal asks, the arm at your waist pulling you over to lie on your back while he props himself on his elbow to look down at you.

You don’t answer immediately, unsure of what to say. You fidget with the hem of the blanket. 

“I don't know, the way she looked at you… I thought you two...”

He gives you a small, maybe even shy, smile.

“Greez was snoring,” he states, which seems pretty unrelated, so you quirk an eyebrow at him. “And whose room did I go to?”

You avert your gaze from his, not wanting to give in just yet. Somewhere in the back of your brain there was still a little voice saying that there's no way he's implying what you think he's implying, and that you shouldn't get your hopes up because you're only gonna get crushed.

Then he softly calls your name, and you're suddenly aware of how he can possibly not just hear but feel how your heart is pounding against your ribs, with his body pressed to your side. His hand reaches up to gently hold your chin, turning your face to look at him, and your cheeks burn once more.

The way he looks at you, how the dim lighting from behind seems to form the faintest of halos against his copper hair, how his ocean eyes shine through the darkness and look into yours longingly… You make sure to commit everything to memory, afraid of this moment ever ending. You're so busy counting every freckle, tracing every line of his face with your eyes, his jaw, his collarbones, that you miss how his own eyes flicker to your lips for a moment, and he starts leaning in. 

Before you can even process what’s happening, Cal presses his lips to yours. The touch is feather-light, almost like he’s scared to press too hard. Just as quickly as it started, it ended much too soon. Pulling back only enough to look at you, he’s about to say something, but you go first.

“Do it again,” you demand in a whisper. “Please.”

Cal’s happy to oblige and leans back down, now with more confidence. This time he feels you reciprocate, so he moves on top of you, his arms on either side so as not to crush you with his weight. He traces your bottom lip with his tongue, and you open your mouth to meet it with your own. Your hands reach up, one around his toned back, the other over his shoulder, to his nape, and into his fiery hair. Tangling your fingers into the strands, you pull ever so slightly and he groans into the kiss. If you thought your cheeks were burning before, now your whole body is positively ablaze. 

He breaks the kiss for much needed air, peppering some more on your jaw and neck, which makes you giggle lightly. 

You’re both panting lightly, trying to get your breathing and erratic hearts under control, still looking at each other in awe of what just happened, when BD suddenly beeps.

“Wha- Yeah, I was about to!” Cal says over his shoulder to the droid.

“What did he say?” you ask, cupping his face with both your hands, and he leans into your touch, closing his eyes.

“He said I should tell you how I feel about you,” he explains sheepishly, and when you chuckle at that, he looks back at you.

“I think you’ve made it plenty clear” you tell him with a grin. “But you can’t never be too sure.”

Cal stifles a laugh while shaking his head, hugging you to him and turning around so now you’re on top of him. The action makes you squeak in surprise, and your hand shoots up to cover your mouth as you hide your face in his chest in embarrassment. He chuckles, and you can feel it rumbling through you both. 

“Then let me clear it up,” he starts and his face gets a bit more serious. His hand comes up to hold your face, brushing over your cheekbone with his thumb. “You’re the first thing to make sense in a very, very long time. I’ve been running, hiding for so long… You reminded me that there’s more to life than just survival. And now I can’t imagine a life without you in it.”

You place your own hand over his own, leaning into it and closing your eyes to savour the moment and make sure that you’re not dreaming. After a moment you look back up at him with a smile you can’t stop from spreading no matter how hard you try, not that you’d want to. 

Since you don't really know how to answer and put your feelings into words, you decide to kiss him one more time. It’s cut short though as you have to lean back for a yawn you can’t stifle. Despite your racing heart and the million thoughts going through your head right now, the claws of sleep are slowly creeping in to claim you. 

You kinda slump onto Cal, who huffs in surprise but hugs you nonetheless, and you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck as you nestle your body against his, your leg over his hip.

“I also want you to stay in my life, Cal,” you mumble as you lazily trace shapes onto his skin. “Even after we find the Holocron and everything, no matter where you go, I’ll be right by your side and kiss you better when you get your ass beat by some monster somewhere.”

“Can’t wait,” he says with a chuckle and a kiss to your head, then wishes you good night, hugging you impossibly closer to him.

#goose feathers #cal kestis x reader #star wars cal x reader #jedi fallen order x reader #star wars x reader

[randomfandomblabdom]

I really need to vent about how much I like Cal and Merrin's dynamic in Jedi: Survivor cause they've quickly become probably my favorite canon pairing in the franchise.

I absolutely love that this relationship is built on the basis of friendship, respect, and a genuine mutual understanding of each other. From gameplay comments and conversations, Cal is very clearly so enamored with Merrin and literally everything about her. I know it's become a bit of a joke how clearly into her he is but he just thinks she's the most incredible being in the entire galaxy and it's honestly the sweetest thing. The writers could have very easily made his connection to Merrin a weakness or had it where it made his struggle with the darkness harder but I adore that they allowed him to be completely smitten with her and presented it as a strength. It's refreshing not only in Star Wars but in media in general, at least in my opinion. Love being presented as a positive asset is something so deeply missing in media nowadays - especially romantic love. Far too often in this day and age, love is presented as a weakness or something that will only bring you down, so I respect the fuck out of this writing.

Oops, this got really, really long so I'm putting the rest under a cut. It's kind of spitfire, so I apologize if it feels random.

I love how their first kiss is Merrin basically making a split-second decision where she realizes she doesn't want to die without kissing him at least once even if it runs the risk of making things awkward should they survive. Is it cliche as fuck? Absolutely, but it works so well in this instance. Cal being so dumbfounded, gawking at her like a fish, trying to process what the hell just happened that BD has to remind him they're literally about to die is the best thing too.

I appreciate that Cal is so obviously hesitant about giving into any sort of romantic feelings for Merrin because, of course, he would be due to his upbringing. He's pushing so hard against it to the point that he's even completely reluctant to so much as discuss it with Bode when they're on the Lucrehulk. Personally, I don't think Cal is oblivious to their potential feelings for each other. I've never been a huge fan of treating Cal as completely naive. He still might be a bit emotionally stunted, sure but he's lived 10 years outside of the Jedi Order at this point. I think he's hesitant to talk about it because first of all, it's really none of Bode's business but also, if he talks about it, he has to admit it, and if he admits it, that makes it real, and if it's real... well fuck, now he has to do something about it either way which is exactly what he's trying to avoid. I think he's trying to stay as neutral about it as he can until he gets to a point in the story/his arc where he decides he actually wants or feels ready to make a decision. Bode almost gets it out of him too before they're interrupted. The progression of Bode's questioning during that mission is something I actually find really interesting but that's a different topic.

Many people have pointed this out but Cal smiling so brightly while Merrin is clearly freaking the fuck out of Bode is just the cutest thing. Not only because he finds such humor in her scaring the shit out of people for fun when he of all people knows it's a running joke but he also goes along with the joke any chance he gets. He does this even when she's not around. People will be freaked out by her and he still plays along and it's not even like, "Yeah, I know, she's fucking scary bro," it's more like, "Yeah, I know, she can wake the dead, isn't it amazing how scary she is!" Someone else already pointed this out in another post but that feels almost more intimate than any kiss they share. His attraction to her encompasses all sides of her including those that many people find incredibly terrifying and I find that so endearing, he wouldn't ask her to change for anything. He's the only person who genuinely isn't freaked out by her in the slightest but not only that, he finds that side of her to be so incredible. Also, Cal being so blase with Bode about his obvious attraction to Merrin a mission prior and then having the most blatant sexual tension with her in front of Bode in the next scene is peak comedy, I don't care what anybody says. Like, Cal, honey, you just spent the entire previous mission trying to convince Bode (and yourself) there's nothing there and/or you're not pursuing it, so you're not doing yourself any favors by looking at her like that, standing that close to her, and speaking to her with the cadence of a lover bro.

I love that the second Cal walks onto the Mantis after killing Rayvis, she instantaneously picks up on the fact that something's wrong. Literally instantaneously. You can see her face drop the moment she sees him. She just knows something happened. Her ability to read him insanely well is something that is introduced very early on in the game, most noticeably in the campfire scene, and it stays consistent over the course of the story. The following conversation they have is honestly one of the best moments between them in the entire game. It's this type of conversation I've been wanting to see with a Jedi and their potential lover since Revenge of the Sith. He is so open with her even in a somewhat roundabout way about his genuine fear of losing himself and while the conversation is not explicitly about their relationship, the implication is still there and she 100% picks up on it, especially since he wonders aloud why Santari didn't see the change in Dagan before it was too late. Instead of shaming him for his reservations or calling it ridiculous or anything else she could have said at this moment, she instead decides to possibly help curb those fears and give him some comfort regarding it. She goes on to basically tell him in so few words she knows what she's signing up for and is willing to cross those bridges with him if they come. It's a great difference between Cal and Dagan. Though it's never outright stated that Dagan and Santari were in love, I feel like it's... pretty heavily implied, or at least he was definitely in love with her (was I the only one who read it that way??) but whereas Dagan demands that Santari talk him away from the darkness and seems to almost expect her to, Merrin herself plainly offers to do it with no prodding on Cal's part. It doesn't seem to be a burden Cal wanted to put on her, not something he was inherently expecting of her but she willingly offers, it is her choice, she wants to carry that burden with him. While she does seem maybe slightly annoyed by his hesitancy regarding their relationship to each other, she is also so incredibly patient with him while he's stewing over what he wants to do. It's beautiful. As a side note, "A shared dream is not so easy to wake from," is such an amazing line. Seriously, I want merch with that quote on it.

I liked that going through with the relationship was Cal's choice in the end. Merrin didn't push it, she didn't pressure it. She let him bring it up and come to her when he was ready and if that meant potentially being rejected by a man she very clearly adores, so be it, and I have no doubt she would've respected that choice if that's what he'd wanted. I know a lot of people seem to think he only makes this decision due to Bode's questions earlier but it really seems to be a combination of multiple things that lead to this. Bode picking his brain definitely got him thinking about it, maybe more than he wanted to, but I do think the other big part of Cal being willing to go forward with it at this moment is his confrontation with Dagan that, while an illusion, did cause him to come to grips with his own mortality in a way. "How does it feel knowing you're about to die. That your life meant nothing." As Cal says, Dagan uses an extremely powerful force hallucination based on fear here, so while losing himself to the darkness might scare him, his life being completely meaningless is what he seems to fear the most. Cal's journey throughout Survivor encompasses many things but one of them revolves around feeling aimless and finding a purpose, preferably outside of being a hired weapon that will surely and slowly consume him. It's what everyone consistently tells him: find a home, settle down, embrace happiness because it's fleeting, the path you're on is not healthy and will consume you otherwise...etc. His decision here to give in to his romantic attraction to Merrin is a culmination of all of these interactions and conversations he's had throughout the story, how they've influenced his line of thinking, and him coming to his own conclusions regarding what he personally wants and at this moment, when things are finally, calm and everyone is in a good place with a plan going forward, he personally decides there's no point in living up to the expectations of the Jedi when the Order doesn't exist anymore and wants to see where this could go.

I love the fact that when Merrin witnesses Cal's darkness in the ISB, it's made abundantly clear that she's just as afraid of losing him as he most likely is of losing her. I do think a major reason why she was able to talk him down at the moment is that he fundamentally understands what it feels like to lose everything and everyone, your entire livelihood. That is what they first bonded over and it's something that keeps them bonded in the saddest, yet most profound way and he would never want to add himself to the list of people she's lost. She's also doing exactly what she said she would. In an instance where again, she reads him like a fucking book, she can tell just from his responses on the intercom that he's losing himself and is guiding him back. She immediately went to rescue him as she says. No question, no argument, nothing, she simply does it. She made him a promise and she kept it and in that moment, he promises that she won't lose him, he won't allow it. This is a fundamental difference between Anakin and Padme's dynamic and Cal and Merrin's. While Anakin's love for Padme quite famously ends up extremely selfish in an "I would lose myself to ensure you're not ripped away from me" type of way, Cal and Merrin's dynamic is leaning towards a more selfless, "I won't allow myself to be lost because I can't let that happen for your sake," type of way and god damn it, I love it.

There are several interactions they have in gameplay that I'm lowkey peeved weren't included in cutscenes and one of them is when Cal returns to the Mantis after all but demolishing the ISB, they have this really short but great interaction where Merrin says that if he ever feels that way again, he needs to tell her. She doesn't even ask him to do it, she all but demands it, "If you feel that way again, you will tell me." She's demanding communication from him regarding the darkness and he doesn't fight this demand at all. He agrees to respect this request and I fucking love that from both of them. I will genuinely be kinda upset if we don't get a moment like that in the next game.

I like how their kiss after they've successfully navigated the abyss is kind of their first kiss inverted but instead of "omg we might die, I need to kiss you" it's more "holy shit, we survived, I need to kiss you," but instead of Merrin initiating, now it's Cal. I'm probably reading too much into that but whatever, it's cute.

This isn't about any one part in particular but I do love that it looks like the headcanon so many people had regarding Merrin most likely being quite physically affectionate is turning out to be true.

...I think that's enough for now lol I might add on some things later

Apologies for any typos and thanks for indulging my rambling if you got this far.

#star wars #jedi survivor #jedi survivor spoilers #cal kestis #nightsister merrin #merrical #calmerrin #cal x merrin #dagan gera #santari khri #bode akuna #mine

[sweetandgentlecreature]

Betcha Won't

Author’s Note: Hello again! I’m so sorry for missing my usual Thursday night upload last week. I was down and out with a migraine for a bit, but now I’m back in action! New avatar, same ole shit, lol. Part 6 of Somethin’ Sweet takes it back a bit with something nice and cozy. I apologize for breaking so many hearts two weeks in a row, so as promised, this one’s much softer. Thanks for reading!! 

Summary: Sy makes a camping trip to the lake a night they’ll never forget.

Pairing: Captain Syverson x Female OC 

Warnings:  hope you’ve got a dentist appointment on the books, because this is tooth-rotting fluff…minus the smut, of course. Expect a strip tease, descriptions of anatomy, oral sex (female receiving), and p-in-v- sex. I am an adult, and due to the nature of this content, all works created by me will be rated for those 18 years and older. Minors, DNI.

Beta’d by: @peyton--warren ❤️

Playlist

“You got any more of that jerky?” They’d been walking for what felt like hours, but in reality was only 30 minutes. As a Colorado native, Merrin really should’ve been more prepared for a hike than this, but he’d really sprung it on her. She’d anticipated another night at the diner. Friday’s special was prime rib and baked potatoes, and though they’d only been at it for a few weeks now, she knew he wasn’t one to pass up a good meal. So when he showed up outside of her house and told her he had a surprise for her, she was keen to see what tricks he had up his sleeve. She just didn’t know their change of plans would include bug spray. Stumbling her way through the foliage of an unfamiliar path, she reached out an expectant hand in wait for her reward. Sy slapped another piece of cured venison into her palm and chuckled at the noises of delight she made as she happily gnawed on it. 

“That’s the last of it. If I’d known how much you’d like my meat, I would’ve brought more.” 

Merrin didn’t have to see his face to know how pleased he was with himself, and she gave a playful wack to the back of his head as they broke through the clearing. She wasn’t quite sure what she’d been expecting, but it certainly wasn’t this. Calm, clear water lapped at the pebbled shoreline of a vast lake surrounded by trees. It was a sight that took her breath away. A tent stood off to her left in the plush carpet of grass, filled with all the blankets and pillows he could gather in those big ole arms of his. A little further down, closer to the bank, a stack of freshly chopped firewood waited to be lit. It was a dreamy little scene, put together with so much forethought. He must’ve been working on it all afternoon. Merrin smiled as she took in the sight, and wrapped an arm around his waist to draw him close. “You did all this for us?”

He took a shot in the dark when he’d made the executive decision to move date night outdoors, and though he hoped she’d like the change in scenery, there was still a part of him that worried that she wouldn’t. Seeing her now, beaming up at him like he’d hung the moon when all he’d really done was fight with a flimsy tent pole for twenty minutes made it all worth while. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, he smiled back down at her. 

“Nah, baby. I did it for you.”

__

They sat together on a blanket in the grass as the sun disappeared behind the trees. Sparks snapped and crackled on their way up to touch the sky. Merrin sat between his open knees and rested back against him. The old radio from the workshop was propped up by the cooler with the sound turned down low. Since his truck only had a tape deck, Sy had taken up making mixed tapes for her. Merrin tapped her toes to the beat as they watched the gentle waves roll in against the shore. He wondered what was on her mind as he twirled a strand of her hair around his finger. What she said made his heart skip a beat.

“Twenty bucks says you won’t strip down to your skivvies and run into the lake right now.”

Her proposition caught him off guard, and he nearly choked on his beer. Snorting and coughing through the foam, Sy cleared his throat before he spoke. 

“Twenty bucks says what?!”

She giggled and turned to look up at him, a mischievous little grin spread wide across her freckled face. She sure likes to keep him on his toes. “You heard me.”

Sy laughed and shook his head. “Do you know how cold that water is? No way, Darlin’. I’m sorry, but I’m not gonna catch a cold for twenty bucks.”

Without missing a beat, she shrugged. “Fifty says you won’t do it bare-ass naked.”

He stopped. Now that could make for an interesting night. “ You ain’t gotta bribe me to get me naked, babydoll. All ya gotta do is ask.” 

Merrin stood and brushed the sand from the backside of her jeans. “Come on, Capitan, live a little. When’s the last time you did something fun?” 

Sy paused. She was right. Of course she was right. Before her, he couldn’t remember a time in the last decade that he’d let himself do something on a whim. Every t was crossed, every i was dotted. Sitting here by the fire tonight, he realized how much he’d missed out on by overthinking every decision he made. He could stand to lose a little resolve. Before he could make a move, though, Merrin was already kicking off her shoes. She peeled off her socks and tucked them away inside of her beat up sneakers, then worked to loosen her belt.

“Come on, Clay. You really gonna make me do it alone?”

 Sy sat back again for a moment to take in the sight. He’d been trying to come up with ways to get her out of those jeans all night long, yet here she was, baring herself to him out in the open like this. Any action they’d had up until now had taken place over the clothes. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her, because fuck, did he want her so badly. In truth, he’d been stalling. It’d been almost a year since he’d been with a woman, since before he met her, before his last deployment. Merrin was the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on, and he just didn’t want to let her down. He knew he wouldn’t last very long once he finally had her. It was apparent now that he’d been stalling for so long that she’d decided to take matters into her own hands. She pulled him back down to earth when she tossed her panties at his face. He snatched them away eagerly to get a better look at her. 

“Well, get to it, then. I’ve shown you mine. Now you gotta show me yours.”

Snapping his mouth closed, Sy lept to his feet to toe off his boots. By the time he finished stripping, she’d already made it to the water.

Squealing in surprise, Merrin shuttered as the cold water lapped at her toes. Maybe skinny dipping wasn't such a good idea after all. When she turned round, ready to admit her misjudgment, she bumped right into him. His bare chest was warm against hers, and fuzzier than she’d imagined. She reached out to trace her fingers through the blanket of dark hair and let them trail down his stomach without a second thought. Heart pounding loudly in her ears, she fought to keep her gaze above the waist. Don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t- fuck. 

Fuck was right. One glance at what was waiting for her made her head spin. She didn’t have a chance to react though, before she was suddenly hoisted up into the air and thrown over a broad shoulder. Sy laughed as she squealed and squirmed to free herself from his grasp. 

“Nuh uh, no ma’am. Yer the one who wanted me out here. Time ta’ put yer money where yer mouth is. Now hold yer nose.” 

Merrin took a deep breath just in time, when they crashed together into the lake. Just as predicted, the water was freezing cold, and when she broke the surface again, Merrin let out a scream of surprise. Laughing through the shock, she stood and splashed him in retaliation. 

“Fuck, its cold!”

“I tried ta’ tell ya! Come here.”

Sy chuckled and wiped the water from his eyes, then held out a hand to her. Drawing her in close, he wrapped her up in his arms and swept damp strands of hair from her face. They held each other close and giggled like children beneath the moonlight. He looked down at her as their laughter faded to echoes, tracing each goosebump on her arm with the back of his knuckles. No matter how many times he’d imagined this moment, nothing could compare to the way she felt in his arms tonight. Skin on skin, knee deep in crystal clear water beneath a blanket of stars, not a cloud in sight. A lot had changed since he'd been here last, and though not all of it was good, he was thankful for it all. He’d do it again in a heartbeat if it meant he could stay with her like this forever. 

__

Neither of them had to speak to know what would come next. Sy carried her back to shore and laid her down on the bed of pillows he’d crammed into the two-man tent. Neither of them cared that they were still wet from their dip in the lake. In the moment, it didn’t matter. The passion between them burned hotter than the smoldering embers of the campfire outside. She welcomed him onto her and tangled her arms around his neck as they kissed. No matter how close he got, it would never be close enough. She wanted him inside of her, body, mind, and spirit, but he had other plans for her. His lips brushed down her chin and he nuzzled upward until her head fell back in submission. The scratch of his beard against her throat and he kissed his way down felt delicious, and she ached to feel it all over. Though the cold weather made her nipples stand at attention first, they perked up for him now with each pass of his tongue. He caught one between his teeth, but only for a moment, long enough to put a smile on his face as he listened to her purr for him. 

“That’s it, Sugar. Sing for me.”

Merrin trembled when his tongue traced around the outside of her navel. Swallowing thickly, she dug her fingernails into the flesh of his shoulders and watched as he settled in to rest between her thighs. Merrin bit her lip as she watched him size her up from there. Maybe it was the beer that made her brave enough to make the first move, but laying beneath him now, she hoped he wouldn’t look too closely. Stretch marks snaked across her stomach and hips, cellulite dimpled the skin of her thighs and ass. Growing up, she’d always been a little heavier than her friends. It wasn’t until she’d gotten older than she’d become more comfortable in the body she was given. Sy looked up at her through lids heavy with lust, as if to read her mind. Sharp teeth carved gently across the inside of her knee to silence the thoughts running through her head. Arching her back, she bucked her hips up towards him to stop his teasing. 

“Sy…” Merrin begged through shaky breaths. “Please…”

He sat back on his haunches to admire her. She’d smack that look right off his face if she didn’t think her hands would tremble. He reveled in her desperation, and she knew that. Whining and squirming beneath him, she tried to close her legs in embarrassment. Sy caught her by the knees, one in each hand, and held them wider than before, clear up to her shoulders. 

“Nuh uh, little Miss Merrin,” he shook his head in feigned disappointment. “Tell me what’chu want from me.”

Her face turned beet red as blood rushed to her cheeks and spread down her neck as she turned her head to look away. He didn’t like that much. With both of her legs pinned beneath one rough hand, he redirected her by the chin to meet his eyes again. Sucking his teeth, he shook his head again. Say it. Just say it, and I’ll give you the world. He held her gaze and waited patiently for her to get the nerve to open her mouth again. Chuckling softly, Merrin let out a shaky breath as she reached for him. 

“I want you, Clay. More than anything.” 

“How? How do you want me?” 

Draping one of her legs over his shoulder, lips moving at a snail’s pace, Sy kissed his way all the way down. He had the patience of a saint. He could do this all night. Merrin, on the other hand…

“Fuck’s sake, Clayton Lee! Are you just gonna stare at it, or are you gonna eat my fuckin' pussy?”

That was all he needed. Confirmation, one way or another, that she wanted this just as much as he did. His laughter shook the tent, and in the blink of an eye, he dove right in. He spread her open with his thumbs and used the tip of his tongue to explore her weeping folds. Slow, precise, probing movements until he had the lay of the land, then it was game over. He devoured her, lips, tongue, and teeth working together to draw her close to the edge. Merrin mewled and moaned, head back and back arched, ass hovering above the ground as he held her thighs and shook his head from side to side. It wasn’t long before a familiar tightness began to blossom low in her belly, and before she knew it, he had her seeing stars.

He gave her space to come back down to earth again, and once she caught her breath again, he lowered her hips back down onto the blankets. Calloused thumbs rubbed soothing circles into the dips of her hip bones as he waited patiently for her word again. He wore the evidence of her arousal in his beard with pride, the sticky-sweet nectar gleaming in the glow of the nearby fire. Merrin ran a hand through her sweat-dampened hair and melted against the pillow beneath her head. 

“Well, shit…If I’d known you were so good at that, I would’ve stripped for you a lot sooner.”

Sy threw his head back and barked out a laugh that drew her own laughter with it. “Baby doll, all ya had ta’ do was ask. I’ve been dreamin’ about eatin’ that little pussy from the moment I first laid eyes on ya.”

But when she moved to sit up, he nudged her back down again. She frowned, confused. Didn’t he want her to return the favor? He simply shook his head, as he intertwined their fingers together and gave a squeeze of reassurance. 

“No, baby, it’s alright. I won’t last if ya do that fer me. Let’s save that fer another time.” 

Merrin laid back on her elbows and eyed him with reluctancy. She’d never met a man who’d turn down a blowjob, but whatever floats his boat, she guessed. Sy took a moment to reach over into his bag and retrieve the shiny little packet from the outside pocket. Good ole Sy, always planning ahead. He tore through it with his teeth and sat back to grip himself with his left hand. They both watched eagerly as the condom unrolled down his impressive length, and he sighed once he’d finished. Merrin wasn’t inexperienced, but the thought of him splitting her open on that thing had her stomach in knots. He could sense her apprehension, and truth be told, he was nervous too. In a fleeting moment of thought, he wondered if this is what it would’ve felt like to lose his virginity on prom night. He didn’t go to his senior prom, was too busy helping his uncle in the fields that spring, but the nerves he felt now sure felt that way. Every moment they’ve spent together had led up to this. Leaning in to brush his nose against hers, he whispered softly against her lips. 

“I’ll go slow. Just…tell me if it hurts, m‘kay?”

“Go slow,” She nodded slowly, repeating his promise out loud as if to make that promise to him too. Dragging the tip of his aching cock through her folds once, then once more, he gathered her wetness there to help smooth the tension. Merrin gasped when he caught at her entrance and breathed through the sting of the stretch her walls gave around him as he worked his way inside of her. Nice and slow, just as promised, he pulled out all the way and tried again and again, until he was fully engulfed inside of her. Hearts pounding in their chests, they clung to each other and worked together, two souls finally coming together as one. One spark, and they’d set the whole forest ablaze. 

The shock and awe melted away, leaving room for nothing but unbridled fervor. The gentle, probing shift of hips turned to hungry thrusts. Loud smacks of skin on skin only adding to the ambiance their bodies made. Sounds of lust echoed across the lake, creating a beautiful symphony with the radio and the woods. A bead of sweat dripped from the tip of his nose, seeking shelter in the dip of her collarbone. Painted fingernails left pink lines through the ink on his back. “More…more, more, more,” was all she could think to say, and more, he gave her. He gave her all he had, until he just couldn’t take it anymore. The cry of a warrior ripped through his chest, as he pounded her endlessly and emptied himself into the condom deep inside of her. She came too with a shout, body seizing and writing beneath him, as they rode out their shared climax. When everything was said and done, Sy collapsed on top of her with a grunt. They listened to the bullfrogs croak as they sought the breath they’d fucked out of one another. Moments passed, when Merrin finally broke the silence again. 

“Fuck.”

“Fuck yeah, or what the fuck was that?”

The grin she gave him was answer enough, as he turned over to lay beside her. 

“Fuck yeah.”

Sy chuckled, grabbing a blanket to pull over them to keep the cool night air out. Even though he hadn’t lasted as long as he would’ve liked, it certainly made for a night he’ll never forget. 

“Fuck yeah, baby doll. Fuck yeah.”

__

Sy was downright giddy the next morning as he drove her back into town. He might’ve stuck his head out the window and sung her praises to the world around them, If it weren’t 8:30 on a Sunday. Instead, he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and hummed quietly to himself. Across the bench seat, Merrin flipped open the glove compartment and rooted through it for his collection of tapes. When a beam of early morning sunlight gleamed caught something shiny, she dug through the mess to find the source. He watched her from the corner of his eye, but by the time he’d comprehended what she’d found, it was too late. Mouth hanging open, he watched as she examined the condom in her hands. 

“Hm,” she said thoughtfully, turning it over to read the back as if she were flipping through the funny’s in the morning paper. “Ya know, I’ve never seen a gold one in real life before. I mean, I knew they were real, but damn. You could drain a bathtub with one’a these things.”

Sy laughed and scratched the back of his neck, relieved to know that she didn’t think he was some kinda sex fiend for keeping a stash here just in case. Well…Maybe she wouldn’t have been too far off, but still. They were still new to this. 

“Yeah…Yeah, they’re pretty big, huh.”

Merrin scoffed. 

“Pretty big? That steak you devoured was pretty big. You’re fuckin’ huge, babe.” 

They pulled up to her house a moment later. Sy put the truck in park and turned off the ignition, but left the keys there. He didn’t want to intrude, so he sat back against the cracked leather seat and looked her way. 

“So…got any plans fer today?”

She thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. 

“Besides sitting on a bag of frozen peas? Nothin’, really.”

He nearly choked on his own spit. Merrin giggled as he fumbled to come up with a coherent thought, an apology, something, then leaned across the console to kiss him on the cheek. He’s cute when he’s pussy drunk. 

“Come on, Cowboy. I’ll make you some pancakes.”

His stomach growled at the thought of food, and in an instant, he snatched the keys from the dash. He had her door open before she could even laugh. 

“Yes, ma’am.”

__

taglist: @geralts-yenn @peyton-warren @kingliam2019 @uunotheangel @deandoesthingstome @drewharrisonwriter @foxyjwls007 @melissareadsstuff @totalwool @summersong69 @caramariehurst @niallhorwen @warriormirkwood @mairablue @omgkatinka @evansabove1981 @liveoncoffeeandflowersss @enchantedbytomandhenry @bascmve01

#henry cavill #henry cavill fic #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill one shot #henry cavill smut #henry cavill characters #captain syverson #captain syverson fanfiction #captain syverson fic #captain syverson smut #captain syverson #syverson #syverson fanfiction #syverson smut #captain syverson fluff #syverson fluff

[jyn-andors]

BD-1: *translated from binary* I adore Merrin! I mean I’ve been there for all your firsts! The first time you met, your first kiss…

BD-1: Other first things.

Cal: Yeah sorry about that, we thought you were powered down.

BD-1: Well I wasn’t 😐

#incorrect quotes #incorrect star wars quotes #star wars #jedi fallen order #jedi survivor #cal kestis #nightsister merrin #bd 1 #cal x merrin #merrical #jedi fallen order | survivor

[ghostluvy]

Dream Boy ⟢ Yandere x reader

Reader is fem but no physical description <3

This was inspired by a dumb dream I had and some past experiences :)) lmk about any spelling errors. This is my first public post!

Maybe part 1 of something…

Tw (r*pe , c*nibslism and a*buse topics)

Part 2 / Part 3

“The way your body felt on me.” He smirked his eyes, skimming my body once more.

“I knew you were made for me the moment I noticed you”

“So fragile and all mine!” He grabbed my wrist tightly like a snake wrapping around its prey.

“You feel so good, I’ll never have enough.” Leaning into my neck he takes a inhale of my scent and kisses it.

Looking at him… The man that once gave me butterflies now makes me nervous. The kind of nervous that strikes your fight or flight. The nervousness that I wish to bleed out of my body. “Love, look at me.” He pulls my wrist again pushing me onto him.

“Merrin” You pause not knowing what mood he is in.

“What is it, My One?” Holding you tighter, your throat closed up from the discomfort he gives you. The feeling from the previous night came back. Merrin was always a little odd but that’s what you liked about him, he was different like you. You yourself have always been a little unique, but you liked that it always left a mark on others because you were different… a good different.

The other night Merrin made dinner as a date. Just you, him, and each other's company. It was a good night until it got darker and he decided it was time to share bodies.

This was not normal though. Merrin knew you weren’t comfortable with your looks and body. He knew you so well that you weren’t into the idea of intimacy. Yet a plate broke and the walls cracked. The light blue sheets turned black just like his eyes that were once a dusty blue changed into a creature of inky black.

The ink colored your skin purple. And he called you beautiful. If only you listened to your gut telling you no when you thought he was handsome months ago.

“Sweet” Merrin shakes you to get your attention back. “What were you looking at? Look at me, only me, love.” He says pinching my chin to look in his eyes again. “Sorry” you say, pulling your head back and rubbing your chin, soothing the annoying pain.

“Um… Do you think we could go outside today? Even on the porch just to feel the sun for a little bit?” You ask in hopes he would let you have some peace.

“Another time” Merrin says in a slightly annoyed tone. He pushes you onto the couch and lays on top of you breathing you in almost like he’s trying to sink into your skin.

Merrin holds his breath and looks at you with a demented look shading his face.

“I wish I could eat you,” he whispers, twisting his arms around you.

All you can see again is ink and the sun bleeding through the curtains

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere oc #canibalism #yandere x y/n #yandere x you #gn reader #dark romance #yandere imagines #my oc Merrin

[geekywritings]

Lipstick marks

I did get one request done these days! As I said, I will try to get to the others at one point, but if I don’t get to your request, I am sorry! Sometimes, it’s hard to find a muse for certain scenarios...

The request for this one:  “Hii ♥️ Another cute blurb about our favorite redhead Jedi would be the cute Mantis crew tease about him having reader's smudged red lipstick on his face and neck! Would love to read that, thank you in advance :) “

_____

You were supposed to be his secret. Not because Cal was ashamed of your relationship, but because he wanted to keep you safe. Not even the Mantis crew knew where he headed whenever they stopped on Koboh. They probably thought he was doing some patrol run or looking for a new sort of trouble again. Instead, he went to find you on your little farm on the very outskirts of the ever-growing little town.

Just like this time.

The moment the ship had landed, Cal was out and heading to your place rather than the Saloon. His last visit had simply been too long ago and he yearned to hold you in his arms again. To hear you whisper his name full of love and to fall asleep by your side.

“Cal?”, Bode called after him, but all the redhead did was wave, as he sprinted off.

He found you outside, bandaging the injured paw of a little Bogling and for a moment the Jedi slowed down to take in the scene. You were as gentle with the creatures in your little clinic at the farm as you were with everyone else. It was one of the many reasons why he fell in love with you.

“There, soon you’ll be running around again.”

Now he could hear your voice, gently speaking to the ball of fluff in your lap and his heart soared. It really had been too long.

The Bogling noticed him first and made a squeaky noise, trying to get away. You let him go and looked up, seeing Cal approaching with a smile.

“Cal!”, you exclaimed, running toward him and practically jumping into his arms. He welcomed you with a laugh, holding you close and just taking in the moment.

“I missed you.”, you said after a few seconds.

“I missed you more.” The standard reply every time, but you smiled regardless.

“Have you been well?”, he asked, putting you back down, but still keeping you close.

“Better than you, I assume. You look tired.”

He absolutely was, but tried to hide it behind a sheepish grin. “The last missions got a bit intense, yeah.”

You invited him inside to take a shower while you prepped a meal, which you could enjoy together. For Cal, this was true bliss. A home, he never expected to have again after the fall of the Order. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to stay either. The fight still called to him and you respected his choice.

Still, after being apart for a couple of months, you hoped that he would stay a little longer this time. Unfortunately, he could not and your last day together dawned sooner than you liked.

“Stay.”, you tried to coax him, your naked body on top of his in your bed, as you pressed soft kisses to his cheek and neck.

In moments like these, he wished he could stay forever. But the danger of the Empire showing up and taking everything from him again was just too real to ignore.

“I’ll come back soon.”, he promised, a hand gently brushing through your hair.

“You said that last time as well.”, you pouted.

“I promise, Y/N.”

Slowly you sat up, watching from the bed as he got up to get dressed. You joined him in the end, closing the vest for him and pressing another kiss to his cheek. “Be careful and come back to me.”

“I always will.”, he vowed and gave you one last kiss before returning to the Mantis where Bode and Merrin were already waiting for him, busy talking to Greez.

“Ah, there he is. We thought you got lost somewhere.”, Bode greeted him.

“Not on this planet.”, the Jedi retorted smugly, but the smile disappeared when his comrades’ faces changed. “What?”, he asked.

Bode was grinning now, while Merrin held back a chuckle, shaking her head.

“Nice new look, Cal. I gotta say, the little pink on your cheeks and neck really brings out your eyes.”, Greez teased with a laugh.

Confused, the Jedi’s hand went to rub at his cheek, before looking at his fingers. Remnants of your lipstick… Dammit.

“What’s her name?”, Merrin asked directly.

“I don’t know what you mean.” He knew he couldn’t get out of it now, but he still tried, as he rubbed the proof of your night together off his skin, even though he would have preferred not to.

“The pretty vet on the outskirts of town. We saw you together, dumbass.”, the nightsister clarified.

“You knew?”

“I also like to explore. And I have two working eyes.”

Of course. While Bode tended to happily spend his time in the Mantis or in Pyloon’s Saloon, Merrin was bound to grow curious about the area. And your farm wasn’t exactly hidden.

“We are happy for you, kid. But next time, bring her over for proper introductions.”, Greez spoke, making Cal nervously rub his neck to fight the blush creeping over his face.

“Will do, Greez.”, he promised. Surely presenting you to his closest allies would be alright. They might tease and joke, but they would welcome you with open arms, he was sure.

“While I’m gone, watch out for her for me, ok?”

The Latero nodded. “Of course, Cal. But maybe you should consider settling down now… You could have a normal life, kid. A home. A family.”

“He’s right. This could be your chance to find peace.”, Bode chimed in.

Instantly Cal remembered your body on his and your plea for him to stay. But something inside of him wasn’t quite ready yet. If there was still a chance to destroy the Empire, he needed to try.

“I’ll think about it.”, he said instead, heading toward the Mantis. “Now come on, the quicker we get this mission done, the quicker we can come back.”

#cal kestis #cal kestis x yn #cal kestis x you #cal kestis x reader #jedi survivor

[animatedjen]

Hello there! Could you perhaps do an alt angle gifset of the scene where Cal kisses Merrin after the successful hyperjump? 😄 I loved how the second kiss looked from the different angle 🥹

So I can't always promise requests BUT I did already film that scene in alt-angle. Could probably make a gifset for it later next week :)

#in the meantime you get low-res screenshot #asks #jedi survivor spoilers #jedi survivor #merrin #alt angle cutscene

[novaonhere]

Golden

Relationship: Cal Kestis x f!reader

Summary: The scene where everyone is enjoying the night by the campfire, in bliss. One by one someone leaves, leaving a smitten Cal staring at what the sunset is illuminating.

Word Count: 600

Warnings: Nah, she precious, she cute

A/N: To make up for a long time of nothing, I'll post some more today!

Prompt: The evening sun is falling on their face and she thinks maybe, just maybe, she is a little bit in love with them.

(gif not mine)

————————————————————————

Drinks get passed around the group, filling the evening air with chatter. The compass was finally in your grasp! You laid back against a large rock, it cool to your back, while the fire kept your front toasty. You couldn't remember a time where your shoulders weren't locked up, where your back didn't ache with every movement, nor when your feet would cramp after a long day. Bringing up the cup to your lips, you take a long and well-deserved sip, the flavor of Greez's famous tea really hitting you in the back of the throat. The small grin never vanished as your eyes danced to every person who joined with you at the campfire. Cere and Caldova chattered about the future of the Hidden Path, the corners of their mouths almost reaching their cheeks. Merrin sits happily content on top of a rock, staring deeply into the flames. She doesn't have a smile, but she looks equally relaxed. Cal and Bode chat and laugh heartily together, exchanging stories and hopes for the future. Greez walks back to the group, a few more tea cups in hand.

"I got more drinks! Who wants one?" He smiles, holding up three drinks with his hands. Cere and Caldova happily take another, inviting Greez into their conversation. Merrin is the first to stand and wish the group a good rest of the evening. She leans down beside you, resting her hand on your shoulder.

"Rest easy," She smiles, patting your shoulder. You place a hand over hers.

"You as well," She nods, walking towards the door. You turn your attention towards the horizon. The bright star that this planet uses as the sun is hovering over the land, illuminating the sky in all different shades of yellow and orange. A particular man's head is also next to the beautiful scene, maybe even more enticing than staring at the sky. His hair practically shines from the rays, highlighting his complexion. The slight breeze pushes his locks off his neck, and a few strands dance in the wind. The lower the sun starts to go down, the redder his hair becomes. His eyes shine from the sunset, but the light doesn't seem to bother him at all. It's like he's allowing the light to bounce and make them sparkle.

Bode must have said something funny, causing Cal to give a laugh. Your chest seems to flutter. The way his eyes crinkle on the sides of his face, the way his nose scrunches and makes room for his lips to part and widen, the way his face reddens, making his freckles perfectly season his face, the way he bares his teeth, not afraid to laugh to his heart's content. His toned arms grasp his torso, trying but failing to hold himself together.

You feel like you could just melt into a puddle right then and there, but as the last little sliver of sunlight peaks over the desert mounds, Bode stands and leaves to go inside. You and Cal wish him a good night, your attention back on the red-head. His head is positioned perfectly in front of the last bit of sun, creating a halo around his face. And, of course, he had to just smile at you. Your lips seem to smile back, but they feel like jelly. He stands and makes his way over to you, and all you could do was watch. He kisses his palm and places his hand on top of your head.

"Sleep well," He smiles, walking past you. Your face feels as if it erupted in flames. You did in fact, sleep well.

#cal kestis #cal kestis jedi survivor #cal kestis x reader #cal kestis x y/n #cal kestis x you #jedi survivor #reader insert #star wars #star wars jedi fallen order #star wars jedi survivor #star wars x reader #star wars x you #star wars x y/n #y/n

[kanerallels]

For the Christmas drabble thingy: MERRICAL & MISTLETOE

Since you were the first to send me an ask, you get an early answer! Most of these I'll probably answer during December sometime, depending on how many I get. (also, since I answered it early, you can send another one if you want! I don't have many asks at the moment lol)

Send me a ship and something Christmas-y and I'll write you a ficlet!

“So you really never celebrated Life Day on Dathomir?” Cal asked as he rummaged through a box of decorations.

“No,” Merrin said, eyeing the string of lights she was holding dubiously. “It was not a customary holiday.”

“Well, you’re going to love it,” Cal assured her. “It’s pretty popular in the Core world these days— and judging by the amount of decorations Greez has here, it’s pretty popular with these guys.” Selecting a small bundle of greenery, he frowned at it. “Greez, why do you have mistletoe?”

“It’s tradition, Kestis!” their pilot shouted from the cockpit. “Don’t scoff at tradition. Put it up over the doorway.”

“Okay, but I’m not kissing you.”

As Cal climbed to the top of the step ladder he’d located and began affixing it to the door frame, Merrin strolled over to study the plant. “What is this mistletoe?”

“It’s a plant from some Outer Rim world,” Cal explained, pinning it in place. “The tradition is, if two people end up underneath it together, they have to kiss, or it’s bad luck.”

“A good way to make the holidays awkward,” Cere chimed in from the kitchen, where she was settling mini bouquets of holly here and there with BD-1’s help.

Cal laughed, hopping down from the ladder. “I guess so. How does it look?”

“Good, I think,” Merrin replied from next to him, and Cal glanced at her. She met his gaze, a frown crossing her face. “Are we under the mistletoe?”

Cal’s eyes widened. “Oh. Yeah, I guess we are.”

“Hmm.” Merrin looked thoughtful for a moment, then leaned in and pressed a quick kiss against his lips. “We don’t want bad luck. On Dathomir, such things are to be avoided.”

As she headed to where Cere was watching with amusement, Cal watched her go. “Uh— yeah,” he said. “Seems… like a good move.”

#thanks for the ask!! #christmas ficlets #cal kestis #nightsister merrin #cere junda #greez dritus #bd-1 #jedi fallen order #jfo #greez from the cockpit: YOU'RE WELCOME #merrical #writing stories is a kind of magic too #christmas drabbles

[phoenix-downer]

Survivors Chapter 1

Survivors: ~1250 words. Merrin can tell Cal wants to be with her, but he will have to reconcile his growing feelings for her with the teachings of the Jedi Order and all that has instilled in him.

Story Info: Cal Kestis/Merrin. Set during Jedi: Survivor. Canon Compliant, Alternating POVs, Missing Scenes. Romance, Fluff, Introspection, Mutual Pining.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 

Cal was maddeningly, infuriatingly restrained. 

Oh, he wouldn’t stop her if she put her arms around him as they rode a spamel together. He happily cuddled next to her by the fire if she leaned her head against his shoulder. And he made no move to leave when she lay down next to him and put her hand over his. Even when she’d kissed him, he hadn’t pushed her away or told her to stop.

But he never initiated anything. He was too much of a Jedi for that.

Merrin cursed the Jedi Order under her breath. Curse them all for giving Cal such hangups about his completely natural urges. She was relieved the Nightsisters had no such qualms. Her clan’s leader had even encouraged the sisters to engage in relationships if they so wished. 

Naturally, it was just her luck to fall for the stubborn man who absolutely refused to be in any sort of romantic relationship.

She glanced at him now, deep in conversation with Cere and Eno Cordova about Tanalorr. They were strolling through the Hidden Path’s archives on Jedha, the blue glow of the holorecords casting everyone in an eerie light. He seemed to sense her looking at him, because he cast a glance her way, and for a split second their eyes met. Then he hurriedly looked away, and Merrin wanted to sigh.

He is like a small child, afraid of his crush. 

It was an amusing contrast to how well he carried himself otherwise. With decorum, maturity, and dignity, but with just enough recklessness in battle and awkwardness when it came to matters of the heart to make him endearing.

Listen to me, I sound like a child with a crush, too. 

“Merrin,” he said, and she straightened from where she was hunched over one of the archive’s consoles. She would never admit it to him, but she loved the way he said her name. Always with this note of deep affection he could not hide no matter how hard he tried.

“Yes, Cal?” she asked, far more casually than she was actually feeling. BD-1 looked from her to Cal and back again. Could droids sense sexual tension? BD-1 was making an excellent case for himself.

Cal stared at her for a disconcerting amount of time before speaking again. “Are you ready to go?” he asked, his voice softer than she was expecting.

“I’ve been ready for ages. I was beginning to think you’d gotten lost somewhere in the archives.” She slipped back into their natural banter easily. She’d missed it in their years apart.

“Not my fault the Anchorites were having some deep discussions about the Force I just couldn’t miss out on,” he replied, a charming half-smile on his face. 

“Careful, you could spend years of your life listening to them argue.”

That got a chuckle out of him. “Speaking from experience?”

“They have a very different view of the Force than the Nighsisters and Jedi do, and they do not even agree with each other.” With that she started a light jog towards the Veiled Hangar where the Mantis was waiting.

He followed after her. “Makes sense. The Force encompasses us all. I’m not surprised that different people interpret it and interact with it differently.”

She glanced behind her. “What was that? A Jedi admitting his way of seeing the Force might not be the only way?” It was very unlike the arrogance of the Jedi Order, and she couldn’t help but tease him about it.

She was rewarded once more with another chuckle from him. “You may be surprised to learn that I’ve expanded my horizons since you left.”

The words were joking, but there was a hint of sadness in his voice. Even though we have discussed it and he understands my reasons, he is still mourning our time apart. Another sign he cares for me. And yet now that they were together again, he was dancing around the very topic that neither of them could avoid forever.

I wonder if he will ever make a move, or if I will have to initiate everything. Merrin did not mind going for what she wanted, but for once she wanted him to initiate something. A hug, a handhold, a kiss, anything. Even now, even after that kiss, even after he had entrusted his life to her as she’d thrown him around the Sanctuary Temple, he kept a safe, respectable distance from her as they jogged to the Mantis.

She stopped, and he did as well.

“Cal, before we go to Koboh…are we going to talk about what happened earlier?”

He stiffened. “Do you mean Brother Armias—”

“I meant us, but if you wish to speak about him, then let me reiterate what Cere said: his death was not your fault.” 

“I know. It’s just one more person I couldn’t save.” He wouldn’t look her in the eye, and his fists clenched at his sides. BD-1 made a few concerned beeps as he clung to Cal’s shoulder.

“It was his time, and he died to help the Hidden Path. We must continue his legacy.” Once again Merrin was grateful for her upbringing as a Nightsister. To Nightsisters, death was just a part of life. It was sad to be sure, but she did not fear it or dread it. She knew she would join her sisters who had passed on before her. Cal on the other hand struggled to let go of a man he’d known for mere seconds before his death and was haunted by every single death he’d ever witnessed.

He is too compassionate for his own good. That will be his undoing. And yet it is one of the things I love about him.

She reached up and cupped his face. He flinched but made no move to remove her hand.

“Life has been very unkind to you, Cal Kestis,” she said softly. A man like him should not be fighting this war. And yet a man like him was exactly what the galaxy needed to fight off the shackles of the Empire.

“No more unkind to me than it has been to you,” was his gruff reply.

“And yet here we are. It’s like I told you before,” she said, gently stroking his cheek. “We are survivors.”

His lips parted and his hand twitched at his side, and for a split second she wondered if he would cup her cheek and kiss her. But then the moment passed and he just stared at her, his face a careful impassive mask as his hands remained limply at his sides. 

BD-1 made a few disappointed beeps.

“Come on, let’s go,” Merrin said. If she pushed Cal now, he might pull away from her forever. He’d already transgressed by letting her kiss him and they both knew it. She suspected he’d found the best loophole he could manage by letting her initiate everything. That way he could tell himself he hadn’t broken his rules while still getting to enjoy being close to her. That it was her fault and that she hadn’t broken any of her rules either, so no one was to blame for what happened between them, really. 

But the moment he initiated something, all his careful justifications would come crashing to the ground like those pots at the Sanctuary Temple he kept running into.

Merrin sighed. She could only hope he would find a way to reconcile his beliefs with their growing relationship.

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A/N: I was finally able to play Jedi: Survivor and was so happy to see Cal and Merrin's relationship developed further. I've been rooting for them to get together since Fallen Order, and the way Jedi: Survivor handled their romance was just so good. I especially loved the scene at the Sanctuary Temple where she uses her magic to throw him around and he entrusts her with his life. Such an iconic scene honestly and one of my favorites in the game.

Anyway, I wanted to delve into their thoughts/feelings during their romance arc more, and so this story is an exploration of that. It will be three chapters total, and I plan on posting a chapter a day until it's finished.

Thank you for reading!

#jedi survivor #merrical #cal kestis #merrin #cal #nightsister merrin #cal x merrin #cal/merrin #jedi survivor spoilers #star wars #phoenix writes #phoenix-downer #long post #canon compliant #romance #fluff #introspection #pining #mutual pining

[visionsofmagic]

― ❀ ‹ little touches › ❀―

✧ pairing: cal kestis x f!reader

✵ summary: you and cal are sharing lots of touches that seem little to you in the first place but they begin to grow from just little to something more.

✧ wc: 5.6k

✵ warnings&tags: fluff to nsfw (minors dni!), (lots of) touches, kisses, friends to lovers, (kinda) slow burn, jedi!reader, force using/connections, some uncannon scenes (maybe?), oral (m receiving), fingering, licking, petnames/nicknames, sub!cal turning into dom!cal, chocking, praising, biting, nipple playing, & more in the story! enjoy <3

― ❀ ― ❀ ― ❀ ― ❀ ― ❀ ― ❀ ― ❀ ― ❀ ― ❀ ― ❀ ― ❀ ― ❀ ―

  Cal Kestis. A name your mind have filled with after you two became close friends – closer than you thought from others’ eyes, especially Greez and Cere who were teasing you two frequently. Their teasing has grown after Nightsister Merrin joined to the team. Merrin had a straigthforward personality, making her speak whatever she was thinking that made you have respect for her bravety which was lack of you from your point of view because you would never tell how much you loved Cal, your best friend as he called when he introduced you to other people. Without having enough confident like Merrin did, you knew you wouldn’t tell Cal that you saw him more than just a friend but because of both your lack of confidence and fears about its consequences, such as losing him forever if he didn’t love you back.

Merrin always told you to speak with him but you could never. She was angry about it since Cal was the only one who could not see the love you has held for him while every other in the ship has acknowledged it. You didn’t blame Cal, no, he was so innocent to think about it, especially since his goal was something significant to look after, not paying attention to other things. 

But this secret of you never stopped you from, well, giving him little touches as you believed such as fixing his orange colored – looking so good hair after jumps, fights or travels around the galaxy. Fixing it, caressing it, allowing your hands to travel on the softness of his hair was something you liked to do and Cal never disturbed by it. He even liked to come to your side for you to fix his hair, giving you a blushed face for such innocent wish you accept gladly. 

Moreover, you could heal his wounds that happened on his arms or hands after a tough fight or event, simply bandaging them after cleaning which he would apricated and thanks again and again, giving cute smiles.

Other than these touches, you would touch his face from time to time, just for a few seconds that would be enough for you to become breathless for a moment. He has both a cute and handsome face – you always impressed from the way he looked, showing reflections of his pure and wonderful soul – heart. He was so cute – as you thought whenever you looked at him from far away or a closer view. 

So, yes, they were little touches, happened from time to time, naturally or sometimes willingly since you carved to touch him – to feel him. You wouldn’t say you were all innocent like him, no, you couldn’t hide the fact that how you wanted to touch him so closely, and him to touch you with his smooth palms. Marker, you even wished him to hold your face with his palms and kiss your lips – your face, and more, every part of your body. How shame of you – you would think after wishes that turned from innocent to naughty ones in time without your control. Your heart felt like it would explode soon enough because of the love and passion you felt for Cal. 

And one day – finally, it all turned upside down.

After his alone fight with Wyyyschokks on Kashyyyk – a group of huge spiders while seeking for supplies for the ship and the team, Cal got an injury on his chest as he informed you the moment he got into the ship and you gave him a “I missed you and I was so worried” type of hug. He gave a painful moan, feeling sharp feeling on his chest. 

You quickly stopped hugging him. You were worried about his health, so, you helped him to get inside of his personal room on the ship. After putting his body to the bed, leaving his arm on your shoulder slowly, you began to take some health supplies. 

“Are you okay?” You finally asked as he leaned a little towards the bed, putting his strength on one elbow while his other one stayed on his chest. “Your chest?” You asked again, gathering supplies, and finally coming to his side. “Is your chest hurting?”

The painful look on his face disappeared slowly, turning from painful to calm one. He opened his eyes that were closed because of the pain, “Yes but its feel better now. I think it was because of the impact of your hug.” 

“I am so sorry!” You said, feeling sad to give him pain. It wasn’t your intention really. You just missed him and after others left the ship for particular different reasons, you thought about Cal and you felt sorry to leave him alone but Cere needed assistance before going out as well. 

Standing in front of him, he smiled, “Not be sorry. It’s okay. I am glad to find a heart-warming welcome like always.” 

With a blushed face because of his compliment, you nodded, pointing to his chest, “You still need to be healed.” 

Looking at his chest, he nodded, “I don’t think it is something serious but okay.” 

Opening his legs wider, giving you enough space to get between them, not particularly paying attention to how it would make you two close to each other, Cal slowly removed his top, leaving you sight of his well built chest.

His hand stayed under his chin as he opened his chest to your bare eyes without thinking about it that much as you thought firstly, but, when you looked at his face as soon as you gathered enough confidence, redness on your face – you saw how his eyes weren’t looking at your face at all. He was looking at the door stayed on his right, having red cheeks, averting your gazes. 

As your anxiety felt down slowly thanks to seeing he was same as you, you smiled to yourself secretly – maybe for the first time, you wanted to be brave, brave enough to take a step closer for your relationship, getting his intentions; whether they were same as yours or not. 

You never touched his body’s special parts like his thighs, chest and well, cock. How only the thought of it made you weak on the knees. Taking deep but rapid breaths, your hands gently touches his wound that was just a thin cut, appearing to be a red mark on his chest that needed some cleaning, heal cream and bandaging.

Getting between his thick thighs, feeling hot with each second, you tried to calm down the air by asking, “How did you get this one?” Opening the medic box, you picked up a liquid that cleans heals wounds, you poured it on cotton. 

“What can I say?” Cal used his playful and childish tone while answering your question, “The danger finds me eventually as it seems.” 

Chuckling to his dumb looking face – cute at the same time as always, you said, “Or you find the danger, hm?” while kneeling closer to his chest and face, beginning to clean the wound rested below his built abdomen from up to down, making your hands’ tips touch his bare chest from time to time, giving you hard time to breath. And when you paid attention to Cal who didn’t respond you yet, you realized how unclear breaths – pitching irregularly. Also, his eyes were directed on your hands on his chest, not looking your face that looked at his expressions. 

Was it because of feeling someone closer after such a long time or simply, he found your touches – breath taking? – You asked to yourself as you cleaned it finally, putting down cotton on the box, ready to be thrown into garbage after finishing. Then, you picked a little box that had a grey cream on it to heal the wound more and permanently. 

Cal, who was silent surprisingly, was sitting in front of you so beautifully that you forgot your mission for a second. Both palms resting on his back – on the surface of the bed as he was leaning back, giving you an entire show without noticing, he looked so good. He was both had beauty and attractiveness. He was both cute and handsome – taking your breath away every time you looked at him. 

Then, his eyes looked at yours, so intense that your hand shook for a moment before you came to your senses, smiling nervously because of being caught by him while you clearly undressed him with your eyes only. Feeling so shy and some guilt, you tried to get rid of the awkwardness you two were holding with a funny memory, “I hope spiders doing okay though. They seemed to like you the last time you fell into their home.” 

You opened the box, taking some cream for your forefinger and middle one, you didn’t look up to his eyes but you could feel his piercing gazes that turned to soft ones. 

Childish as ever, he shrugged, “At least they didn’t eat me for a welcome party, huh?” 

“Yeah.” You just said, not paying attention to his reply since your fingers were burning like hell now due to touching his skin directly while wiping the cream on the wound. 

He was warm – even hot. He felt – good. It felt so good to touching him from this close and directly. You began to feel guilt as you remembered your mission; healing him, not being greedy for more. No, you shouldn’t be in a situation that you wanted to sit on his lap, touching his chest entirely, moving from his upper body to lower one – lower enough to turn this whole situation from innocent one to a sin. 

Taking heavy breaths, you stopped wiping the cream the moment Cal’s hand found its way on your wrist, holding it firmly but gently at the same time. However, you couldn’t help jump in surprise, not waiting him to touch you like this. He clearly wanted to say something to you. 

Looking at his green eyes that felt darker than before in terms of the color, you waited for him to began but he didn’t. Instead saying something, he just looked at you intensely and directly, making you having irregular breaths once again. 

“Did I hurt you?” You asked, only question came to your mind that seemed logical. 

He shook his head negatively, holding you still but now, caressing the skin he was holding, making you look at his hand and to his face again, trying to understand what he was thinking but you never good at reading minds of others. The gift you held as a Jedi was to enter deep down to their emotions which was something helped you to understand Cal more. 

So, you were going to close your eyes for a second to reach his deep feelings and intentions from there just to get a slight understanding of his behaviors, but, he stopped you from doing that by saying, “Do you the time we decided to open ourselves to each other, completely?” 

Remembering that moment very well, you nodded. He was referring the time you both decided to open your forces to each other, letting other to feel other’s force, giving permission to special part of being a Jedi. It really helped your friendship grew bigger and further because you could try to reach each other’s forces whenever you felt sorrow, pain, lost or happy – like all the emotions you felt so high from time to time. It also helped you to get used to this life, feeling one another, not feeling alone but safe and sound in each other’s company. 

But you never tried to access more of his intentions about you, having fear of seeing a fact that he didn’t like you back – he just saw you as a friend, nothing more. In return, Cal promised you to not trying to discover the secrets you were holding deep down on his own, instead, he wanted to wait for you to open to him, willingly. What a good soul he had, as you realized once again. 

“What about it?” You asked to him, curious as ever. 

“I promised you that I will not try to reach deep down to your feelings but –“ He stopped for a second, looking anywhere except your eyes. “I – I think they happened to be opened as their own.” His shutter made you understand what he was saying after a while. 

Finally understanding what he was referring to, you looked at his blushed face both because of guilt and excitement, sending his feelings thorough the force you two opened without any control of your mind. He was feeling – happy? 

“You are saying that you saw – my feelings?” 

He nodded, averting your gazes still. “They were so – loud. I am sorry, I really am. I didn’t mean to –“ 

He stopped talking when your free left hand touched his chest again, the parts that were undamaged. He looked at you in shock like the one you felt before. 

“I –“ He tried to say but you stopped.

“Cal,” You said, sounding so calm contrary to the explosions you held on your inner chest. “Yours are too loud like mine. And since I am feeling sensitive jedi – I can’t help but feel them as well.” 

“Oh –“ It was the only thing Cal said before lowering his head down because of shyness he was feeling now. 

Not believing what was happening entirely, not ready to acknowledge them yet, you began to act according to the feelings and instincts you were holding deep down which were known Cal even if you held them as secrets ‘till this day. When he firstly pointed out them, you felt so lost – so lost that you could leave him like this, escaping from the room, ship and even the planet. However, all the bad emotions disappeared when you felt his own secrets – shy, happy and at the same time, lovely and passionate because of you – and your touches. He was feeling as the same way like you did – he had same love and desire! 

Was this all a dream? – You asked to yourself. Maybe it was, but it was the most magnificent one you had, so, even if it felt like a dream, you knew it was real and in the end, you were ready to take actions. 

Bravery and confident came back into life thanks to Cal and you were going to show your gratitude to him for this. 

So, you put your hand under his chin, lifting his head, seeing so many sparkles traveling on his green and beautiful eyes. Smiling him, you decided what you wanted to do – something you wanted to do for a long – long time. Finally, you knelt down closer, took a deep breath and connected your lips with his soft ones that felt like heaven itself.

Your eyes closed by their own, a huge explosion occurred on your chest, happiness and peace appeared as well as desire and affection with love – pure love. 

His soft lips felt like heaven – so smooth and kissable. Through the force, you opened your deep feelings for him to see his affects on you as well yours on him which were quite visible after the kiss started. He was shaking a little firstly; then, he gained more confidence, putting his hands on your waist, making you come closer, sitting on his thighs while resting your knees on each side of his thighs. 

Lifting his head higher to reach you more, beginning to use his tongue shyly but proudly now, Cal made you moan as he helped you to sit down onto his now hardened cock you could feel from your clothed pussy. It was so hot under there, sending little jolts to your core without being naked. How could he would feel if there was not any clothes? – You thought when Cal left your lips – messy as ever, only to begin kiss, lick and bite your neck, earning lots of low moans from you. 

“Cal –“ You tried to say between his heavy kisses. Your hands began to travel on his body shamelessly, exploring the parts you never had chance to touch so closely – intensely and freely. This time, you didn’t have to hold yourself back, no, you could feel him entirely. He send relaxing feelings by using force, trying to tell you that it was okay for you to touch him – he needed it like you did, so, you didn’t wait a second, lifting his shirt completely, leaving his upper body naked. 

Thanks to practices he was doing and other things, his body was built powerful, contrast to his childish face which could turn into a hot mess whenever he wanted. 

Putting your hands on his neck, argue to touch him from head to toe made your mind go dizzy. Trusting to your inner wishes, your hands started moving without any control of your brain, feeling his delicate skin under the tips of your fingers, closing eyes, his hot breaths under your ear, neck full of love kisses turning into nasty ones, two heart beating so fast, power of force pulling you two together. 

Cal left your neck, looking at your half-closed eyes, then to your hands on his body, he smiled, kissing your lips again before saying, “Hey, look at me.” Listening his wish, you opened your eyes completely, seeing how his warmness hitting his own face and body. “Do you want to stop here or –“ 

“No!” You said suddenly. Realizing it, you blushed, looking at him shyly, “I want more. I want to feel more – “ You took a deep breath, “If you want it to as well.” 

Smiling widely, Cal said, “Yeah.” Reflecting your actions, he began to touch your neck, moving from there to chest, then, reaching your clothed breasts and hardened nipples through the tiny fabric of your top, he made you moan louder than before, making your back arching in pleasure. “I would like that too.” 

Heavy breaths’ coming out of you two were filling the room, giving clues of unholy things you would commit from now on. Feeling his both palms on your breasts, you closed your eyes after pulling Cal’s hair a little to take his attention, “More Cal.” You said, “I want your mouth too and that tongue of yours.” 

Smirking, no more shyness he held before, he nodded, helping you to remove your top, leaving your exposed chest to his hungry gazes, he took one of your nipples inside his mouth after saying, “Gladly.” 

Closing your eyes, throwing your head a little to back, you felt how his tongue traveled on your nipples from right to left, how his palms captured your breasts to play with them like the way he wanted – he was so good making you feel euphoria. Wanting him to show your gratitude, you decided to touch him more after he spent some time with your breasts. 

As he bit one of your nipples’ slightly, you moaned and pulled his hair, making him leave your chest alone as he looked up, a few salvias on his open mouth, red cheeks, sparkling on his eyes, he looked like an angel even if in a situation like this. Your hand on his hair, pulling it time to time, you smiled, “Look at how messy you are.” Caressing his cheek, knowing very well how he turned on right now after seeing you being bossy over him, you said, “But you need to be touched too, right, Cal?” Gripping his clothed and hardened cock in a fast action, you made him close his eyes with the effect of grip, leaving a low moan. Caressing his cock, you said, “Will you be a good boy and let me make you feel good, hm?” 

Unzipping his pants, you took out his cock from his boxer, making it meet with the cold air of the room for a second before holding it entirely with your two palms, making force flow coming from Cal stopping only to moving rapidly to reach yours. 

“Will you be my good boy Cal?”

“Yes!” He said, low but sharp voice coming out of him, “Please.”

And there he was – submissive for the first time, just for you. How cute. 

Without waiting any longer, you got up from his lap, sitting down on the ground between his thick thighs, putting your knees on the cold surface; you looked at Cal who was waiting for you to make a move for his aching cock, needy, looking at you with half-closed eyes. 

Smiling him to make him relax, you didn’t leave his gaze even when you began to lick his tip, feeling his pre-cum’s taste. Moving from his tip to lower, licking all the way down to his balls, you witnessed how Cal closed his eyes, throwing his head back while his shaking hands stayed on the surface of the bed behind him.

Closing yours too, you only focused on his touch-starved cock, leaving your tongue and mouth taste him, taking it into as possible as you can, earning new moans from Cal who was enjoying this as well as you did. Making him feel good like this was a reward for you which no one could give but him. 

Trying to take him further into your warm mouth, you nearly began to choke on his thick cock while your fingers working on his balls. That made Cal open his eyes, kneeling down to you, starting to caress your hair, putting some of them behind your ears to see you with a better view. He was looking bossy now, not you. He wasn’t that submissive. Contrary to that, he really looked he was in charge and your assumption happened to be correct when you felt him pulling the back hair of yours like you did to him. 

“Oh, Y/n,” He said, sharply, “I really liked to be a good boy but how about you become a good girl and take it all?” He smirked, “Hm?” Mocking you a little, he didn’t wait for your answer because he already knew even before asking – he knew how you both enjoyed him being submissive to you and bossy. 

He held you from the hair, taking your own control of will, starting using your mouth like a toy, making it going in and out rapidly on his cock as you began to choke real this time. 

Then, his free hand found one of your nipples, twisting it a few times like how you was being breathless because of his cock coming in and out of your wide open mouth roughly, a messy hair completed with tearful eyes. 

Both his hand on your nipple and his cock on your mouth which he would take out only to slap your face with it, saying things made your thighs crashed into each other with pure lust and high, he took a mess out of you. “You have no idea how beautiful you look right now.” Moaning, he added, “You don’t know how I wished to see you like this for a long time, ugh,” He touched your cheek, “C’mon, be a good girl and make me cum. Yeah?” 

Nodding to him, you put your hands the places your mouth couldn’t reach. Adding the tongue along with them, you earned a loud moan out of Cal who didn’t last so long and cum all of your mouth, “I’m cumming!”

He left your mouth freely when you shallowed all of his cum, messy but happy, you looked at his proud face. 

“My good girl.” Oh, how only his words could make you come. If he would keep up with using that nickname, you would cum all over to the floor underneath you. “You did a really good job.” 

“T-thanks.” You said, not that confident or bossy. He smirked more to your pathetic situation. Then, he put his hands on your waists, helping you to get up from the floor with shaking legs and reddened knees. 

“Oh, my beautiful Y/n, come here.” He put down your body onto his bed, covering yours while his taller and stronger one as he got top of you, giving messages to your painful knees. “Don’t worry,” He kissed your face again and again, gently – childishly, “I will make you forget the pain. I will make you forget the entire galaxy. Just say the word.” He kissed you once again, “Will you say the word my love?” 

His nicknames of you were going further – closer in a beautiful way and you knew how he could feel each of their effect on your body, inside and outside which was making him say more things to you. He liked his own effects on you and he was going to gain all the things you would offer to him, even those which you could not imagine of having. 

“Please, Cal,” You gave him what he wanted, ready to have him. “I want you – I need you.” 

“What you need me for, Y/n?” That dummy! He was so cocky, so much but you liked it like the rest of his features. 

“I need you to fuck me, Cal, please!” You could wait longer but needy part of you wasn’t patient, not anymore, especially after he was being all cocky and bossy yet again. 

“Then, I will give what my good girl needs, gladly.”

He removed both your pants and underwear which he looked for a moment and smirking to your choosing of color, pink, he left you all naked. After spending some time to admire every feature of you from head to toe, he said, “You are so beautiful in every way. My dreams could never.” Blushing, you smiled happily. Hearing his praises on your body boosted your self-esteem. He was still so sensitive towards you, not wanting you to get sad. 

Lastly, he too removed his pants and boxer. Naked in front of you as some pink color appeared on his cheek. You chuckled, touching to his back as he knelt down again, hovering on top of you. You said honestly, “You are both a beautiful and handsome boy, Cal. I can not imagine any other living being having this beauty.” 

“Well, I like to be called as handsome from you again and again if you would say it in that way, my love.” He chuckled. 

Not waiting longer, he let in his two fingers at once inside your tight aching pussy, leaving you nothing but only scream his name because of the way he began to use his fingers and speed of them that you didn’t expect him to be that – rough. 

Cal who was afraid to hurt even a flower, avoiding his feet to crash them, turned into that something you could not ever dream about. He always treated you such a wonderful lady, giving you little gifts and hugs, fearing to hurt you in any way. However, now he was different than that, yes, indeed his that side was still there, kissing you gently and saying good things as his long fingers disappeared inside your walls, fucking you with them roughly. You liked every side of him in the end because he was all yours – both a gentleman who treat you like a lady and a cocky boy who liked to make your mind go all dizzy. 

“Cal!” You moaned again as his speeded up fingers which were three now and tongue on everywhere of your laying body made you cum hard and strong for the first time of your life – your fingers could never. 

Chuckling to your pathetic form, Cal held your face, making you look at his dark green eyes, sparkles moving inside, showing how he enjoyed watching you like that, under him. His fingers covered with your juicy appeared just to disappear again in his mouth. While Cal was licking remaining juicy of you, you moaned at the sight of it. He was going to be your death – oh how beautiful and magical boy he was, looking wonderful, your cum on his lips. 

Then, he kissed you, leaving your juicy transferring from his lips to yours. Using his tongue after you left a moan when you felt his cock’s tip entering you slowly. “Cal –“ You were breathless maybe for a hundredth time in this day. 

He didn’t respond or say anytthing. He left his actions and force do their job to give you something.

Entering as enough as he could get, finally, he waited for a while for you to adjust his length and thickness. Nodding to him for inform that you were ready, he kissed your cheeks, then your nose and finally, lips, putting both of his hands under your head, close, he smiled, “Just relax. You only will feel me. Nothing more. Ready?” 

Nodding him again, you hugged him from his neck and back, closing your eyes, you took all of he began to give you with devilish moans and screams both his names and other things your ear could not hear no more. 

Thrusts of his wondrous cock giving your pussy turned from slow and deep to rough and fast. He speeded up, going in and out fast enough to make you wonder how his stamina was that powerful and high. As his thrusts didn’t stop their strength and pace, Cal took your thigh, helping you two put your legs on his back to leave him more space to fuck your used pussy – further and deeper. 

“Cal!” His name was only thing your mind comprehend and going out of your mouth that kissed by him from moment to moment while he kept fucking you so senseless.

You could feel burning sensation inside your thighs, his balls hitting your ass cheeks strongly, making your body jump with each thrust, giving a climax you never tasted before in your entire life – which you would want over and over again after this. 

“Cum, Y/n,” Cal said between his heavy breaths, sweats flowing from his forehead to his face, showing how fast he was – how rough he was. “Cum all over my cock. C’mon,” He added after looking at your bouncing boobs because of impact of him and his cock buried deep inside your walls which were hugging him from time to time, alerting that you were close to leave another climax – powerful than the first one. “Feed me with your juicy and I will feed you with mine.” 

Adding some speed up which you never expected made your stomach turn upside down as your climax was ready for you to leave. And the last thing that made it reach to the higher point was Cal’s deep voice on your ear mixing with his hot breaths. “Cum, my beautiful love.” 

Moaning, your nails scratched his back harshly, earning a ground from Cal, you cum.

As your juicy flowed onto his cock and bed under your naked bodies – full of sweats, redness and lustful hotness, you moaned his name for the last time before nearly fainting thanks to Cal’s on-going thrusts. 

He looked like he was close to cum either, so, looking at him, you found last remaining of your power, touching his face with your hands while using force to reach deep down of him, reflecting what he did to make you cum, you smiled lightly, “Come inside me, Cal. Please. I need you.” Kissing his parted lips, you added, helpding Cal reaching to the end, “Fill me up, my love.” 

Groaning, Cal listened your wish – the one he wanted so badly too but never had courage to ask you. He cum inside – hard and a lot, filling you up 

You both waited ‘till your breaths slowed down, enough to take another actions, Cal left a kiss to your lips, then, he slowly came out of you, making his cum flowing from your pussy to the bed. He watched it for a while, feeling wonderful at the sight of it. 

When he had enough, he took his part beside you on the bed to rest for a bit before a shower. 

He put his arm for you to put your head on. Approaching him, you took his hair in front of his forehead, looking at his dumb looking face – full of smiles, you said, “Cal, I –“ 

“I know.” He said, not wanting you to continue. Feelings were enough for this moment – no word needed as he thought but you were going to say it anyway because you waited for so – so long for this to happen. 

“I love you, Cal. I really do.”

“I know,” He said once again, kissing your nose. “I love you too, Y/n, with all of my heart and soul."

Putting his free hand on air, he waited you to connect yours with his. As you gladly connected them together, both holding each other’s hands tightly, you smiled. Without saying a thing, you exchanged gazes with deep meanings behind them, kissing each other gently and shyly from here and there. You stayed a few minutes like that, not minding your cums or sweats. 

But when you felt aching on your pussy, you called him. “Cal?”

“Yeah?” He asked, still watching your cute face in pure affection and admiration.

“Would you like to take a bath with me?” 

He smirked, “Oh Marker, how it comes like a melody from your lips when you are asking me something I wanted for such a long time.” He nodded, “Of course, my good girl. I would like to do everything with you.” 

Chuckling with a blushed face, you watched him to get up from the bed, “Including cleaning the ship with me?”

He put his hands on your back and under knees, picking up your body from bed, making you rise on air. You hugged him from his neck, trusting his strength as he made your way into the bath, “Well, maybe we should talk about that ‘everything’ part, huh?” 

What a childish boy he was who you liked the most.

the end. 🌶️

#star wars #star wars jedi: fallen order #sw #cal kestis #cal kestis x reader #cal kestis x f!reader #star wars x reader #star wars jedi: fallen order x reader #video games #cal kestis x y/n #cal kestis x you #first work for sw and i am so happy!! #thanks for reading! ^^ #masterlist #vom #rose #written by me #<3

[jessicas-pi]

completely forgot about my medieval au when i was making incorrect quotes so here have some Incorrect Medieval AU Quotes

Omega: This is a very powerful artifact. We’ll be messing with some forces we don’t fully understand. Cal: That sounds like a dare to me.

---

Caleb: Why would you bite someone? Sabine (age 7): You weren’t there, you didn’t hear what they said to me! Caleb: What did they say? Sabine: "What are you gonna do, bite me?" Caleb: That’s fair.

---

Merrin: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

---

Rex: Ahsoka! Have you no dignity? Ahsoka: Of course not! How long have we known eachother?

---

Carthage: I think we should kiss. Sabine: And I think you should die but we don’t always get what we want.

---

Ahsoka: We have fun, don’t we, Rex? Rex: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

---

Omega: You remind me of the ocean. Merrin: Because I'm deep and mysterious? Omega: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

---

Ahsoka: *about Barriss and Adenn* They make a cute couple, huh? Rex, deadpan: They certainly are standing next to each other.

---

Zeb: Ooh, somebody has a crush Caleb: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Hera I just think she’s cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about her. *Later that night* Caleb, very much awake: Uh oh

---

Ahsoka: Can I bother you for a second? Rex: You're always bothering me, but go ahead.

---

Cal: Did Merrin just tell me she loved me for the first time? Omega: Yeah, she did. Cal: And did I just do finger guns back? Omega: Yeah, you did.

---

Adenn: Punch me in the face. Skira: ...Punch you? Adenn: Yes, punch me, didn’t you hear me? Skira: I always hear ‘punch me in the face’ while you’re speaking but it’s usually just subtext.

---

Kidnapper: I have your children Hera: I don’t have children? Kidnapper: Then who’s the boy who just asked for warm milk and made me cut the crusts off his sandwich— Hera: Oh Force, you have Ezra. Kidnapper: —and the girl who headbutted me when I didn’t do it? Hera: Oh, you have Sabine, too. Okay. Good luck, you’re gonna need it.

---

Adenn: I think I'm falling for you. Barriss: Then get up.

---

*Discussing an image of a really hot knife cutting bread* Ahsoka: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife. Barriss: It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful. Caleb: if you want information it is Cal: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?

---

Ai-kel: I’m a fool, not an idiot.

---

Sabine (age 7): Why would you tell on us?! Ezra (age 5): I felt guilty. Sabine: Guilt is a trick emotion. It’s put there by our parents to stop us from doing things that feel good.

---

Korkie: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan. Ahsoka: We could attack them with hummus. Korkie: I stand corrected. Ahsoka: Just keeping things in perspective.

---

Ahsoka: Hey, Caleb? Can I get some dating advice? Caleb: Just because I'm with Hera doesn't mean I know how I did it.

---

Barriss: What is wrong with you? Ahsoka: Loaded question. Elaborate.

---

Sabine: Ezra and I are no longer friends. Ezra: SABINE THAT IS THE WORST WAY TO TELL PEOPLE THAT WE ELOPED!

---

Rex: Ahsoka, no. Ahsoka: Ahsoka, yes.

#for context on the OCs: #Carthage is a stuck-up jerk #Adenn and Skira are pre vizsla's son and daughter and are shockingly well-adjusted but still like to roast each other #and Ai-kel is chaotic stupid #incorrect quotes #tbb omega #cal kestis #kanan jarrus #caleb dume #sabine wren #nightsister merrin #captain rex #ahsoka tano #zeb orrelios #hera syndulla #barriss offee #ezra bridger #korkie kryze #kanera #merrical #sabezra #star wars medieval au

[randomfandomblabdom]

Fallen Order & Survivor Musical Themes

Has anyone done this yet? Here is a comprehensive list of all of the character themes/motifs found in the Jedi: Fallen Order and Survivor video games for anyone interested. I tried to give several examples of each and also included some of my own thoughts. You can listen to many or as few links as you want. If I missed anything please feel free to add on or let me know.

FALLEN ORDER CAL KESTIS - I'm giving Cal two separate sections because I'm pretty positive he now has two separate themes and in attempts to make it less confusing, I've decided to very creatively refer to them as Fallen Order Cal and Survivor Cal. I'm a genius, I know. Fallen Order Cal is consistently heard all over both games. It's his primary theme. It feels young and heroic and wide-eyed... Remember feeling like nothing could touch you when you were young? That's the sort of feeling I get from Fallen Order Cal. It's not happy per se but it's hope and optimism sprinkled with naive youthfulness and an undertone of solemnity. He's been through some serious shit but he's a kid, he's young. The grief and trauma are there for sure but they haven't encompassed him completely. There's still some hope behind those eyes, there's a healing journey to go on, and there's a chance to take on this Empire. It's only until Survivor that the theme starts feeling a little more grounded just like the transition from childhood to adulthood. Fallen Order Cal in Survivor feels a bit less magical, that youthful spirit has diminished, that hope has dwindled.

CAL KESTIS

THE PATH OF THE THREE SAGES

PEACEKEEPERS

A FRONTIER WELCOME

ABOVE THE CLOUDS

A STEP TOO FAR

SURVIVOR CAL KESTIS - So, I originally thought this was a minor key variation of a section of Cal's theme but I've since realized that it technically is a completely separate theme. That being said, thanks to @foxykatie425 in this insanely detailed reply to my frustrations regarding this theme that put what I was hearing into musical terms way out of my element in terms of explaining, I've realized that I may have been somewhat correct. I don't know if the two themes are actually connected, that would be a question for the composers but at the very least, it's definitely a secondary darker theme for Cal as it only ever plays in reference to him and I'd wager a guess that it's the main theme of Survivor as a whole. Compared to Fallen Order Cal, Survivor Cal feels drained, heavy, tired, burdened, and above all else, dark and foreboding. There is a genuine weight to this theme that just feels sinister. There is a hint of Fallen Order Cal there but as that post says, it almost feels like it's on the verge of falling apart. He's not the same man he was five years ago and the fact that this theme is the first thing you hear music-wise in the game and accompanies your very first view of him is an incredible way of subconsciously telling that to your audience right off the bat.

DARK TIMES

ABOVE THE CLOUDS - note: this theme and Fallen Order Cal switch back and forth constantly in this track and I find that so interesting.

NOVA GARON

NIGHTSISTER MERRIN - Merrin's theme is interesting to me because it doesn't sound anything like the type of music you might use to accompany a witch or magic user. It's not necessarily fantastical or whimsical or anything of the sort. In fact, it sounds more like something you might use for a superhero. It's a little bit timid or unsure or even afraid in Fallen Order but god damn has it built in confidence and strength once Survivor rolls around. The only time you hear that sort of timidness to it again is during the first kiss on Jedha which has such interesting implications for her being a nervous wreck in that moment. I also adore how it sounds as an action cue which you hear several times throughout Survivor. It sounds like it comes straight from the best MCU movies and yes, I do mean that as a compliment.

TO DATHOMIR

PEACEKEEPERS

MERRIN

THE WILL OF THE FORCE

TRIDENT

FLIGHT

CAL & MERRIN'S LOVE THEME - Look, I genuinely did not think they would actually go through with making Cal and Merrin canon, I honestly thought they'd chicken-shit out and I was certainly not expecting them to get any sort of love theme if they did but here we are... and we somehow got both. Cal and Merrin are canon and they got a love theme. Holy fucking shit. It just has all that warmth and sweetness of a friend-to-lovers romance too.

FIELDS OF DUSK - ORCHESTRAL VERSION

CAMPFIRE

A STEP TOO FAR

THE ABYSS

BD-1 - I said in my post regarding my thoughts on the Survivor score that these two video game scores are quite possibly the closest we've ever gotten to a John Williams sound from a composer(s) who is in fact, not John Williams. Not that every piece of Star Wars music has to sound like the big man himself, part of the reason The Mandalorian theme was so positively received was that it was such a different sound for Star Wars but I stand by what I said: this is the closest a composer has gotten to a John Williams sound and they have clearly done their research. Some people might not know this but R2 and 3PO have a very small motif heard throughout the films. It's not played very often and is sometimes not very noticeable but it's there and BD-1's motif is not only similar but definitely sounds like it exists within the same universe. I also love that droids are so often musically presented as very childlike, innocent, and mischievous. BD in particular has a very playful energy.

BD-1 AND THE BOGLINGS

MERRIN

THE WILL OF THE FORCE

TRILLA SUNDURI/SECOND SISTER - Trilla's theme legitimately activates my fight or flight response and when I say that, I mean mostly my flight response cause you won't find me messing with this shit. It's very much in lieu of the famous Psycho violins which were written to heighten your senses by emulating screams. I wish we got more of it cause it's intimidating as fuck and a piece of dark side art.

FIGHT AND FLIGHT

TRILLA

THE WILL OF THE FORCE

CERE JUNDA - Don't hate me but I haven't quite fallen in love with Cere's theme yet. That's not to say it's bad by any means, it's absolutely beautiful. It has such a deep melancholy vibe to it, like an inescapable sadness. It almost has a feeling of failure to me weirdly enough.

THE PATH OF THE THREE SAGES

DESERT RUINS

SIEGE

THE VISITOR

ENO CORDOVA - I've mentioned this before but again, for people who might not know: the music that is widely considered to be the main theme of Fallen Order - so much so it was primarily used during the recap at the beginning of Survivor - is Cordova's theme. It's such an interesting artistic choice because I think many people would've made it either Cal's theme or given the entire game its own theme in general. I listen to this one a lot honestly. It's so calming and safe feeling.

THE PATH OF THE THREE SAGES

FAILURE IS NOT THE END

ENO CORDOVA'S THEME

THE NARKIS ANCHORITES

BODE AKUNA - Yes, Bode does have a theme and you know what? It slaps. I really like it. It's very adventurous and feels quite friendly which is ironic as hell. It does get some heart-wrenching renditions nearer to the end of the game. It's the music that swells when he force-pushes Cal and everyone collectively shits themselves. Oh, it also has some dark renditions as well.

ABOVE THE CLOUDS

A STEP TOO FAR

BROTHERS

THROUGH DARKNESS

RAYVIS - As far as I can tell, Rayvis does not have a set theme but he is usually accompanied by high-playing strings and his boss fight music is the best example of that. I actually don't think a lot of Rayvis moments ended up on the score soundtrack which... how dare they.

WARRIORS CODE

DAGAN GERA - I thought Dagan didn't have a theme for the longest time but it turns out he actually does have a tiny motif that I do wish had been more thoroughly realized in the score because it's so menacing and I absolutely love it. It's most prominently heard during his last confrontation with Cal. He is also usually accompanied by low-playing horns. Not always but usually.

RELEASE ME

TO THE RESCUE

GRAND OCULUS

KATA AKUNA - I'm going to rant about this one for a second, okay? I have spent the last few weeks wondering what the hell the melody that plays throughout the track Through Darkness is. I was sitting here plucking out melodies on a piano app (cause I don't own a keyboard) and was like, "Okay, it's not Cal's theme, it's not Bode's theme, it's not Merrin's theme... what the hell is that series of notes??" Yes, I'm aware that not every note has to mean something but these just felt like they did. It's played at such an emotional point in the game and for two scores that already work heavily around themes and motifs and musical ideas, it didn't make sense to me that this little series of notes would mean nothing, especially at such a poignant moment. Funnily enough, it only just occurred to me while making this post that it's fucking Kata's theme. At least I think it is. Well, motif. It's not a fully developed theme but it definitely has the makings of one. That's not even me making a wild guess either, these notes appear in other places in the story that feature Kata.

NOVA GARON

THE ABYSS

THROUGH DARKNESS

GHOST STAR - I'm adding this for fun because I think it's gorgeous and I love it but it leads me to ask: why has there been no official release of Ghost Star? With or without vocals? This is a genuine question. It does not appear on the Cantina album nor is there even a snippet of its melody on the score album. It makes me wonder if the song was maybe added later into production? Trust me, I love the orchestral cover that has been going around and people are obviously seeking it out cause the track has gained thousands of streams in the months since the game was released. It was at 10k the last time I looked on Spotify and it's currently at 24k as of writing this. I'm just genuinely surprised EA/Respawn or hell, even Lucasfilm hasn't capitalized off that.

GHOST STAR

GHOST STAR W/ VOCALS

Thank you most sincerely if you made it all the way here :)

I liked this. I should do this for more scores lol.

#star wars #jedi fallen order #jfo #jedi survivor #js #cal kestis #nightsister merrin #merrical #calmerrin #cal x merrin #cere junda #trilla suduri #second sister #eno cordova #bd 1 #rayvis #dagan gera #kata akuna #bode akuna #john williams #stephen barton #gordy haab #score analysis #original score #mine

[sweetandgentlecreature]

First Light

Author’s Note: Hey, y’all! Me again! In this installation of Somethin’ Sweet, we’re back to Sy’s point of view. Grab some tissues and join me in my sad girl era. As always, thanks for stopping by! 

Summary: Sy’s up early prepping for deployment and can’t help but relive the events from the night before. 

Pairing: Captain Syverson x Female OC 

Warnings:  sexual content; nipple play, p-in-v intercourse, descriptions of male and female anatomy, explicit language, and adult themes. I am an adult, and due to the nature of this content, all works created by me will be rated for those 18 years and older. Minors, DNI.

Playlist

It never rains in Texas, but it did on the morning of Sy’s inevitable departure. Heavy clouds hung low in the sky as an early morning fog rolled in through the treeline. Bright, angry streaks of lightning raced across the sky and casted shadows through the room. A loud crash of thunder shook the old tin roof and startled him awake. In his moment of panic, Sy sat up straight and knocked the headboard into the wall behind the bed with a loud crack. It took him a second to recognize his surroundings in the dark, but once he did, he breathed a sigh of relief. A quick glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand beside him made his shoulders drop. 4:45am. Sy reached out and turned it off, as not to disturb his lover tucked so sweetly beneath the quilt beside him. That girl could sleep through a hurricane. A little fall of rain wouldn’t bother her much. Leaving over, he kissed the top of her head and lingered there, but only for a moment. Long enough to memorize the way she smelled. Honeysuckle and vanilla. Fuck, he’ll miss her.

Sy moved to plant his feet on the floor and ran a hand down his tired face. The last two weeks have been…a little less than ideal. It was his fault, really. He’d gotten the orders to ship out almost a month ago, but waited a while to tell her about them. He didn’t know what to say or how to say it. Things were just getting good here. Things were still so fun and new, but as always, Uncle Sam had other plans for him. 

The first person he told was his mama. When he did, she barely flinched. Sy made the third generation of Syverson men who’d stormed courageously into war. His daddy served in Vietnam, his papaw in World War II. When duty called, they answered. It wasn’t easy, watching him walk out the door, never knowing if he’ll make it home again, but she’d made peace with it by now. “What good does it do fer me ta’ worry? Either you’ll come back, or ya wont. It’s in the Lord’s hands now.”  

Sy trod lightly off to the bathroom to start the shower. The room filled with steam, just enough to fog the mirror as stood beneath the steady stream and let it run over his head. Staring down at his feet, he let the water consume him. Heavy drops clung to his lashes, but he didn’t bother to blink them away. His mind was somewhere else. With someone else.  

__

Sy had always been a steak-and-potatoes kinda guy, but he’d barely touched his plate. Every bite felt too heavy in his stomach, like he’d traded out his ribeye for a hunk of lead instead. She’d spent so much time cooking for him, springing for only the best of meat and the freshest produce the grocery store had to offer. The least he could do was clear his plate. Lord knew when he’d get another meal like this again. 

Once he’d managed to choke it down, he stood and started grabbing dishes to take to the sink, but she stopped him quickly. She’d barely said a word all night, and her interjection almost startled him. “No, baby,” she whispered, taking the plate from his hands. “Let me get those.”

Merrin kept her back to him as she filled the kitchen sink with hot, soapy water. Steam fogged the window above as she drifted off in thought. She was a million miles away from here, swimming in regret and longing for just a little more time. There was so much to do, so much to say, but the words never came out right. She hadn’t even realized she was crying until the tears began to blur her vision. Closing her eyes, she gave in and let them spill down her face. She’d fought so hard to keep her distance. To brace herself for the inevitable. In the end, she’d fallen hard. Harder than she’d ever expected to; head over heels and still tumbling. She braced herself against the sink and let her head hang low, covering her mouth to muffle the sobs that bubbled up from her trembling chest.

When a hand reached out to touch her shoulder, she gasped. Looking up again, Merrin stared into the reflection of his eyes in the pane of glass before them. Calloused fingertips brushed her hair to the side, then traced along the side of her delicate throat. His voice was low and deep, a rumbling baritone pressed against her back as he broke the silence. 

“I’m not gone yet. Gimme one more night. Just one more night, alone with you.” 

Merrin sniffled softly, wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and nodded. From there, Sy wasted no time. Most of the dishes made it into the sink, but a broken glass was the last thing on his mind when he placed her onto the countertop. Shoving his way between her open knees, his lips were hot and harsh as they crashed into hers. If she didn’t know any better, she might think he was angry with her. In truth, Sy was angry; angry at their situation, angry at the world, but not at her. Never at her. 

He grabbed her up, one hand on the back of the neck and the other wrapped around her thigh, squeezing with a force hard enough to leave a bruise. The pain turned into pleasure, the aggression turned to lust, and Merrin returned the favor with shared fervor. She wasn’t scared of him. On the contrary, she relished in his smothering presence, digging perfectly manicured nails into the meat of his shoulder as she drew him in just as close. Her mouth worked with his in a haphazard clash of teeth and tongue. Even in the mess, there was still beauty to be found. She was soft and sweet where he was rough and hungry. A yin to a yang, souls intertwined as one.

His shirt hit the floor first, and her sundress followed soon after. Merrin grabbed him by the belt and yanked until his hips pressed sharply into her own. They worked together to loosen the buckle and pop the button beneath it, ripping it from the loops and tossing it away to clatter to the floor. Rough hands came up to cup her breasts, bare and warm, a perfect fit for each palm. He squeezed gently and smirked against her neck, relishing in her pleads for more.

“Clay,” she whispered, clinging to him as he dropped his head to nuzzle against one hardened nipple, then the other. Always one to please, he licked his lips and welcomed one into his mouth. He took his time, gazing up through thick lashes as he moved from one breast to the other. She looked like an angel, basking in the glow of the sunset that poured in around her. But Merrin was no saint, far from it, and couldn’t stand his temptation for long. She let a hand fall between them to meet the bulge in his jeans and palmed it gently. She could almost feel the ache beneath the distressed denim; a steady, throbbing need that seeked relief that only she could provide. The words came before she could stop them. “Fuck me, Clay.”

Sy mumbled a gruff “Yes ma’am” into the flesh of her breasts and tugged himself free from his boxers. Never one to keep his lady waiting, he hooked a finger into the gusset of her panties and pulled them to the side. The sight of her wet heat made his mouth water. Any other time, he’d drop to his knees right then and there to have his fill, but it wasn’t what they needed the most right now. Right now, he needed to be inside of her, just as much as she needed to feel him there. He held the base of his erection and traced the swollen head through her folds, mouth agape and almost drooling as his eyes rolled to the back of his head in ecstasy. 

“Fuck, honey. So wet for me.” 

She gasped when the tip of his cock caught at her slick opening. The delicious burn from the stretch she felt as he pushed forward inside of her stole the breath from her lungs. They both watched as he crossed the threshold and buried himself deep inside of her. Breathy moans and whimpers of lust echoed through the room, and Sy took a moment to let her catch her breath again. 

“Fuck, baby…”

She met his gaze once more, eyes wide and full of fire as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for another kiss. Sy tangled his fingers in the hair at the nape of her neck, choosing to indulge her for a while, until he just couldn’t take it anymore. His retreat was nice and slow, but he didn’t pull out all of the way. Tugging her head back roughly, he buried his face in the crook of her neck and relished in the way she tensed around him. Nipping at her throat, he growled against her pulse and smirked. “So tight, honey. I’m not gonna last long.” 

She answered with the rake of her nails down his back, leaving tender, pink lines in their wake, then dug them into the flesh of his bare ass. Shoving herself back onto his cock, she groaned loudly. 

“Don’t tease me, Clay. I need you.”

That was all the encouragement he needed. With a harsh thrust of his hips, he bottomed out completely. Sy held her down by the waist as he took what he wanted from her. In and out, over and over, he pounded into her with a fervor she’d never seen before. Their lust was wild and sinful as he stood there at the counter and fucked her into a mindless mess. A familiar tightness built somewhere deep in her gut, and before she could warn him, she was coming undone. Her eyes filled with tears, filled with so much emotion, then spilled down her cheeks in hot, furious streams. 

It didn’t stop there. He had her again on the couch, and again against the front door, then once more upstairs in their room. The bed creaked under their shifting weight. Sweat poured from his face as he held one of her legs over his shoulder. Merrin clung to the sheets beneath her as he approached another climax. Just when she thought she couldn’t handle any more, he proved her wrong. 

“Come on, sugar,” he begged, wiped his brow with the back of his hand and picked up the pace. “Gimme one more. Just one more.”

He’d been saying that for hours, but this time, he was telling the truth. His muscles ached and cramped, his body pleaded with him to give it up, but he was determined to make this a night to remember. He’d be gone for God knows how long; he wanted to make sure she’d had her fill before he left. Sy kept his promise and within seconds, he crashed over the edge of climax right along with her. Chests heaving and voices hoarse, they rode out their highs together and collapsed into a heap of tangled limbs. Sy stared up at the ceiling as he fought to regain composure and felt her curl up against his side.  “Shit.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

Merrin held up a hand up and they smacked palms, victorious in their conquest. All qualms were forgotten, at least for a little while. 

“High five.”

“Good sex.”

__

Standing at the sink, a towel wrapped around his waist, Sy stared at himself in the mirror. He scratched at his chin and turned his head from side to side, then flipped the switch on the side of the clippers. The first pass up the underside of his chin took off most of the length. He dusted a tuft of fuzz from the guards and let it fall into the basin before him. Sy made quick work of taking it all off, then grabbed the shaving cream to smooth over the stubble left behind. He moved with a surgeon's precision, each drag of the razor taking away the foam and leaving baby-smooth skin behind. Once he was finished, he bent down and filled his hands with warm water to wash his face. Just as he reached for the aftershave in the medicine cabinet, two delicate arms wrapped around his middle and squeezed gently. He brought one of them up and pressed her knuckles to his lips, kissing them as he spoke.

“What’re you doin’ up?”

Merrin yawned against his back and nuzzled her face there. Her eyes were heavy with the sleep that she just couldn’t shake. He reached back to run his fingers through her hair, twirling and twisting strands of amber around calloused fingertips as they stood in a shared silence. She raked her nails through the hair on his chest and dug them into hardened flesh, putting up a weak fight to keep him there for just a little while longer. “Couldn’t sleep,” was all she said as another roll of thunder echoed somewhere off in the distance. Sy glanced back at her from over his shoulder and found her staring up at him. She traced his cheekbone and down to the line of his jaw, mesmerized by the clean-shaven stranger who stood before her now. 

“Most men grow a beard to hide their faces. You, though…” she pressed her thumb into the dimple on his chin. “You’ve got nothing to hide.” 

She left him there with a gentle pat to the chest, then turned to head back into the bedroom. He watched her as she went, wearing nothing but the cheeky little splash of ink that was tatted across the dimples on her lower back and the panties that rested beneath them. A drunken mistake from Spring Breaks of old, left to peak from beneath low-rise jeans as a reminder of wilder days. Sy chuckled to himself and shook his head. He could hardly handle her now; if they’d met back then, he could only imagine the trouble she’d get him into. She’d have eaten him alive. 

__

To his dismay, traffic was fairly light on their way to the airport. The skies above were a dusty shade of blue, vast and empty as the rising sun chased away the rain. Fields of wheat and grain blurred past on either side as they left their sleepy little town in the rear view. Sy drove with one hand on the wheel and the other resting in her lap. Every now and then he’d hold her thigh, knead and squeeze, then cut his eyes from the road and over to her in silent reassurance. Every radio station from here to Houston seemed to play nothing but love songs, and each one salted the wound just a little bit more. Merrin tried to surf from station to station, genre to genre, but eventually gave up, so they rode in silence instead. 

Sy didn’t mind the quiet. It felt more honest than anything he could say now. “It’ll be alright, honey.” “We’ll write every day.” “I’ll be home before you know it.” He couldn’t guarantee anything, and they both knew that. 

Once they’d made it past security, Sy found a bench to sit on and dropped his bag at his feet. When he looked over to her, she was staring off somewhere in the distance, a million miles away again. To her, this felt like punishment. Like the universe had nothing better to do than shit on the best relationship she’d ever had. Karma had finally caught up to her, and this was how she was meant to pay for her transgressions. 

“This isn’t fair.”

Clayton sighed and took her hand into his. “I’m sorry, darlin’. Life isn’t–” She cut him off. 

“Don’t you dare tell me that life isn’t fair. I know life isn’t fair. This is…” Merrin shook her head. “This is cruel.” 

He tried to smile, to crack a joke, to lighten the mood, but one look at her shut it all down. She was right. He’d been on the verge of hanging it up, of finally giving in and taking that cushy desk job at base to be closer to his mama, but his pride had gotten in the way. He knew he had at least one more deployment in him. One more, and he’d give it up for good. He just wasn’t expecting it to be so soon. 

Everything had changed, now that he had Merrin. She was everything that he wasn’t. Gentle, but not easy to mislead; Stubborn, but only when necessary;  Kind-hearted to those in need; and so fucking sweet. Now, he fought for her. If this it took to keep her safe, he’d do it in a heartbeat. Now, he had someone worth fighting for.

Wrapping her up tightly, Sy held her to his chest and buried his face in her hair. He pressed a fierce kiss to the top of her head and let his eyes close for a moment. They held each other just like that until his flight was called. Then they walked the Green Mile all the way down to the gate, where he pulled her aside and took her hands into both of his. His eyes searched hers desperately in a last ditch effort to commit them to memory. Shades of blue and green, specks of gold around the iris, as wild as the tide and as vast as the sea. When he kissed her, it was deep and lascivious. He didn’t care who saw. Fuck ‘em. Let them look. Sy broke his kiss and pressed his forehead to hers, dug the end of his crooked nose into her cheek and breathed her in for as long as he could. 

“I love you, Merrin Paige. More than you’ll ever know.” 

His words stole the breath from her chest. Three little words she never expected to hear him say. Three little words that paralyzed her, right where she stood. He kissed her cheek one last time, grabbed his bags, and headed off to catch his flight. Merrin watched from the window as the plane taxied at the end of the runway. A light drizzle began to sputter outside, just enough to blur her vision as the plane disappeared high into the clouds. Just like that, he was gone. 

It never rains in Texas, but it did on the morning of Sy’s inevitable departure. It never rains in Texas, and today, Merrin hated the rain. 

__

Far from home, Sy checked his watch as he waited for the line to ring. Static crackled in his ear as he cradled the phone between his head and his shoulder. 2pm in Baqubah; 10pm in Houston. If he was right, she’d still be up. Probably curled up in bed with a book, one of those dirty little romances she liked so much. Leaning back in his chair, he stretched and moaned. If Texas was hot, then this was hell. 

Then, a click. The old desk chair groaned when he sat up straight. He listened for a moment, waiting for someone to answer, then checked the signal to make sure that the call had gone through. Fuck. Don’t let it be the answering machine. 

“Sy?” a sweet voice chirped over the static. He sighed, relieved, and smiled widely at the sound of his name. 

“Yeah, baby,” he breathed. “It's me. How’s it–”

She cut him off. What she had to say couldn’t wait. 

“I love you too.” 

__

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[fanfoolishness]

what we have now

Cal awakens on Tanalorr, and what seems to be a perfect day begins to go wrong. Post-Jedi: Survivor with spoilers. Rated PG-13ish for established Merrical. Angst, grief, hope, love, ~2450 words.

--

The morning light of Tanalorr filters gently through cracks in the temple ceiling, sending down soft, gold-edged rays through the small private chamber where he and Merrin have set up a room.  Cal mumbles, rolling over on the makeshift bed and taking half the covers with him.  Merrin is warm and sleepy beside him, her skin soft against his own, and he draws her closer, breathing in the sweet smell of her hair.

“We have slept in again, Cal Kestis,” she murmurs throatily.  “I blame you, of course.  You kept me from my rest.”

“Someone was awfully frisky last night, I seem to recall,” Cal yawns.  He hardens slightly, remembering her insistent kisses last night, how she eagerly undressed him, her hands, her mouth, her --

He lets out a long breath.  They have work to do this morning with the others, and he knows he shouldn’t let himself get distracted.  No matter how much he might like to be.

“Still thinking about it, are you?” Merrin asks, amused.  She rolls over and props herself up on one elbow, leaning over him.  He drinks in the sight of her, soft gray skin and dark tattoos, a wicked grin.  He bites back a groan.  

Her gaze flicks back, and she peers under the covers with a knowing smirk.  “Ahh.  I like the way you think.”

“Hey, come on, now.  We promised we’d check in,” Cal half-protests.  “The Path needs us to get this housing ready, and we need to have that meeting with --”

The familiar sound of BD’s servos whirs as the little droid hops over to them, blithely ignorant of their nudity and innuendo.  Cal sighs, drawing the sheets higher over Merrin and himself.  

“Cal, my dear Jedi, you said you were going to teach the droid to knock.”

“I’ve been busy!” Cal says.  Merrin simply raises one eyebrow and gives him one of those looks, the sort that makes his brain short-circuit and his pulse quicken.  For a moment he’s tempted to tell BD-1 to come back later, that he’d made a mistake with the time and really the meeting with Cere was for tomorrow, not today.

But something disquiets him, a frisson rippling through the Force, there and gone before he can put a name to it.  His arousal vanishes, and he looks away from Merrin, unsettled.

“Cal?”  She sits up, the blanket falling down around her waist, the golden light bathing her skin in a warm glow.  “What is it?”

He shakes his head.  “I don’t know.  Something felt… off.  I’m not sure what it means.”  He sighs.  “Probably just guilt about how late we’re going to be.  We’d better get going.  Make it up to you later?”  He gives her a small smile, and is gratified when she returns it twofold.

Cal sends BD-1 off to wait as they get dressed, but they meet him at the front of the temple, where he is waiting patiently for them.  Cal bends to lower a hand and BD clambers up to his regular perch as they step outside into the fresh air.  The glorious Tanalorr morning greets them with misty light, and brightly colored banners ripple from the temple in the breeze.  Gardens stretch alongside the path, tall leaves fluttering in the wind, fruits and vegetables beginning to swell and show in colors of scarlet, violet, emerald.

The three of them travel through the gardens and back along the creekside path leading away from the temple.  Merrin seems content, but Cal cannot help but look over his shoulder as they walk.  There is only BD-1 there, cheerful and loyal as always, but there’s still a nagging feeling, something skittering at the back of his mind.  

He tries to ignore it, his feet tracing the familiar trail alongside Anchorite Creek.  They cross the new stone bridge, a beautiful melding of angular Jedha architecture with jeweled motifs unique to Tanalorr; the lilac-blossomed larien tree, the clever waterhare, the carvings of the Koboh Abyss.  He always appreciates this bridge and the way his footsteps ring on the stone, but for a moment it almost feels like its solid arch tremors beneath his feet.

“Did you feel that?” Cal asks.  BD lets out a beep in the negative.  Merrin shakes her head.

“Feel what?”

“Nothing,” Cal says, stone solid beneath his feet, and he tries to believe himself.  We’ve made a perfect world.  What is there to worry about?

They meet back up with the others at the village, which is already bustling at this early hour.  The sight cheers him, and his odd mood fades into the background.  He takes a deep breath and smells the morning meal on the breeze, rich with spice; Pyloon’s of Tanalorr keeps Greez busy, even with several residents working with him as sous chefs.  He and Merrin will have to stop in for a bowl of waterhare stew when they next get a chance.

They keep heading toward their destination, passing Narkis Anchorites working with refugees from the Hidden Path, raising another set of new residences.  Cal nods to them as they pass.  He recognizes some of the Anchorites from Jedha.  There are new members of their order, too, only identifiable by the Tanalorr-lilac stripe they wear on their sleeves.

Not everyone wears the garb of the Anchorites; droids roll or walk along the dirt streets on their business, and plenty of people with bare faces wave as they make their way to the Archives.  A few of the refugees he recognizes from his days as a Padawan, other survivors besides himself: a young woman with her dark hair in tight braids, a tall man with olive skin and piercing blue eyes.  Pride unfurls in his chest, pride and a fierce protectiveness.  They’ve built so much here.  And there is still so much more to do.

Many of those who cannot help in the physical efforts of building work in the new Archives, cataloging their growing knowledge of the Jedi Order and its history, and it’s here they head, Cal keenly aware they’re late.  That must be the reason he’s feeling off.  He knows exactly which slightly disappointed look Cere will be wearing --

The smell of smoke, ash dancing in the flame-choked air, red and black --

Cal staggers, sagging against the door as it slides open.  “Cal!” Merrin cries, slipping a steady arm around him.  On his other side, a familiar man in robes braces against him, helping Merrin to keep him upright.

“Cal!  Have you taken ill?” Master Cordova asks.  Together he and Merrin lead Cal to a seat near one of the desks, where he bows over himself, breathing hard.  BD-1 chitters at his shoulder.

“You don’t feel it?” Cal gasps.  He holds out his hands, ash coating his fingertips.  He doesn’t understand.  “Look at my hands.  There’s something terribly wrong --”

Merrin and Master Cordova look at his hands, but they seem worried, exchanging concerned glances.  “I will get Cere,” says Merrin, and claps Cal on the shoulder, her hand squeezing him tightly against his jacket.  “We will figure this out, Cal.  Together.”  

Cal looks down at his hands again.  They’re clean once more, and his head reels.  What’s happening?

“Tell me what you sense, Cal,” says Master Cordova, kneeling carefully beside him.  His brown eyes, always so wise, seem troubled.  Cal knows it’s because of him.  He tries to center himself, reaching for the Force, but it feels muted and hazy, muffled somehow.

“I saw fire,” he manages.  “Fire and ash.”

“A memory, perhaps sensed by your psychometry?”

“No, this didn’t feel like a normal memory,” Cal tries to explain.  “It feels like it’s something that doesn’t belong here.  Like something that isn’t real, that never happened.”  He gazes around the room, drawing comfort from its soaring shelves of twinkling datapads, the silver globes lighting the hall, the sweet smell of larienwood incense.  He tries to ground himself in the library, in all they’ve built here.  “It couldn’t have happened.”

“It may have been a vision, then,” Cordova muses, getting to his feet and sitting down on the chair beside Cal.  “The Force may be sending you a message of things to come.”

Cal shakes his head in frustration.  He’s not a Padawan.  “I know we can have visions from the Force, Master Cordova, but I always feel so tightly bound to the past.  I’ve only had visions of the future in places where the Force is magnified and concentrated, like Ilum or Bogano….  The past has always been so much easier for me to access.  This didn’t feel the same way.”

“Perhaps that’s changing,” says Cere.  Cal lifts his head to greet her, and their eyes meet--

She’s so light in his arms.  How could someone so powerful, so strong, be so, so still?

Cal recoils, panting.  The smoke chokes him, blinds him, engulfs him.  He’s lost in it, reaching for his lightsaber, finding nothing there.  He cups his hands around his mouth, calling, hoping, begging.  “Cere -- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I should have been there --”

“You okay there, scrapper?” 

Cal opens his eyes.  The smoke has vanished as quickly as it had come, and the temple soars over him, golden daylight streaming through its windows.  Bode gives him a broad, easy grin, smile lines crinkling at the edges of his eyes.  Dagan’s lightsaber hums in his palm.

“This isn’t right,” Cal whispers.  “It isn’t real --”

He raises a gloved hand.  Imperial black against crisp ISB white.  He lets the frantic rage shriek through him, a desperate eruption of pure hate boiling forth, he wants this, needs this, a weapon, he’s nothing but a weapon --

The temple shatters around him, Tanalorr shatters around him, and he remembers everything.

***

“Cal!  Cal.  Come back to me, Jedi,” Merrin murmurs throatily.  He realizes her arms are around him, holding him tight against her chest, his cheek nestled against the soft skin between her breasts.  Her twin heartbeats pulse in his ear, a metronome grounding him here, now, safe.

For a moment, they simply stay there.

“What happened?” she asks in a soft voice.

Cal reluctantly sits up, nearly hitting his head on the ceiling.  They’re in the Mantis, back in one of the narrow bunks they insist on squeezing into together.  He knows they could sleep separately, but neither of them like to do it anymore if they can help it.

“I dreamed of Tanalorr.  The way it should have been.”  His throat constricts, and it takes him a moment to steady his voice.  “It was beautiful, Merrin.”  He wants to tell her everything.  The new Archives, the lush gardens, the voices in the streets; Cordova… Cere…. 

Instead he buries his face in the crook between her neck and her shoulder, and breathes in, and breathes out.

She strokes his hair gently, fingers twining through the strands that tickle the back of his neck.  She presses a kiss to his forehead.  “We will make it so, Cal.  I promise you.”

“Maybe.  I hope so.  But she’ll never see it.”

Her fingers still, then shift for her hand to cup his cheek.  She slowly lifts his chin until he’s gazing at her, her dark eyes bright.  “No, she will not.  That is something we cannot change.”  She blinks, and a flicker of her own grief passes across her face, a painful mirror to his own.  “I miss her too.  Cere and Cordova both, but Cere… she was part of our family.”  Tears glisten, unshed but unashamed, in her eyes.

They haven’t talked of Cere this openly in weeks, busy with fighting the Empire on Koboh and taking care of Kata.  But now the loss is here, sitting in the space between their breath, and the wound aches so, so much.  

Anger flares within him.  How can his mind have given him so much detail of Tanalorr vibrant and growing, of a world where they’d truly won, and yet so little of Cere?  When he would have given anything to see her again, to speak with her -- to apologize --

But he remembers how his mind had tried to tell him he was dreaming, and his heart sinks.  He had known.  Even in the midst of a dream that felt realer than real, he’d known.  

There is no bringing Cere back, not even in a dream.

Cal swallows, feeling sick.  It’s all a mess, and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to feel about any of it.  The Jedi Order would tell him to let it go, but the Jedi Order itself is dust and ashes, and he feels the feelings anyway, Order be damned.  

Grief feels different now than it did as a child.  It’s no less confusing than it was then, but back then he’d been so desperate to survive, so powerless to protect himself, that he’d shoved the feelings down as far as they could go.  Now the feelings and the Force are both as powerful as they’ve ever been.  He feels the Force crackling throughout him, body and soul, straining to be used.  He’s healed his connection… but is that such a good thing, now?  There’s violence poisoning his connection, an intoxicating rage, a searing hatred, the darkness…

He shivers, and he steps away from it, for now.

“I don’t know--” His breath hitches.  There’s water tracking at the edges of his eyelids, a burn in his chest.  “Even through everything, even when we were apart, she was always guiding me.  And without her, I don’t know if I can be enough.  For Tanalorr… for the Path… for Kata….”  Imperial black on ISB white.  “For you.”  

“You are enough for me, Cal Kestis,” she says, and he sinks back into her embrace.  

“But the future --”

“Is what we can make of it,” Merrin says, her voice steely.  “We will find the way together, you and I.  That is how we will honor Cere and Cordova.  And the Jedi, and my sisters.  And if you stumble in the darkness, I will lead you by the hand; and if I do not see the path, your light will guide me.”  She kisses him, her open mouth slanting over his, then pulls back.  She blazes with determination, so beautiful he can hardly bear it.  “Do you trust me?”

The world falls away, and Cal lets it.  There is only this moment, shimmering between them.  The grief and darkness will be there waiting for him when he returns, he knows that much, but for now, there is only Merrin.  He takes her hand in his, and he knows that no matter what lies ahead, the two of them are bound together.

“Always,” he whispers.

She smiles, and the world feels perfect once again.

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