#and like obviously i know there are ppl more isolates than i am but still

[aspd-culture]

so about some of the traits and behaviours related to ASPD that can be upsetting or harmful to others (eg putting yourself and others at risk, not understanding or regarding the rights of others, etc), how do you deal with that in relationships (whether friends, dating, family, work)? like, when their side of an argument is that you’re being disrespectful or putting them at risk, but your side is that those are literally symptoms of ASPD and you weren’t actively trying to hurt them? they’re not wrong for feeling hurt still, but you’re not wrong for existing with this disorder. i realise it’s generally considered difficult for pwASPD to maintain relationships, but like, somehow you have to live your life and that involves a lot of interacting with people, plus pwASPD don’t deserve total isolation that they don’t want, obviously. apologies if the wording is confusing.

/genq /intending this respectfully

I appreciate this question and especially the way you worded it was actually super respectful, so thank you for that as well.

For me and many people with ASPD our social circles tend to be smaller and usually within that even fewer actually know about the disorder, which can make this especially tricky if they don't understand why we're acting this way. In that case, I personally do my best to take a step away from the situation and talk to people I trust who *do* know about my disorder to ask them AITA or not.

If they agree with me entirely, I stand my ground with the other person or remove them from my life if I feel it warrants that (which, with this disorder, I more often than not do if it wouldn't take much effort to cut them out of my life).

However, if the people I trust to help with my moral compass feel that I was entirely in the wrong, I will try and process that as a logical fact, practice faking remorse by myself, and apologize. Even if I don't feel remorse and the thing I did wrong came from my symptoms, I can personally still accept that the facts are that undue harm was caused to them.

My apologies tend to sound insincere so I've been told, but people tend to appreciate that I accept full responsibility, acknowledge the harm I caused, and work to change my actions, so they tend to see it as me seeming insincere vs actually being insincere. After all, I generally *don't* try to hurt the people around me, but if I did it anyway then it's probably worth trying not to repeat, if only for the practical purpose those people serve in my life.

I try really hard not to be the type of person, regardless of my PD, who says "this is how I am, get over it" without at least considering if I'm in the wrong. It took me many years to get to this point though, and I am able to admit that I was a pretty crappy friend at some points bc of my refusal to try and see where I was wrong. I used to feel that if I didn't feel remorse I should not have to show remorse, but I'm in the process of learning that's not accurate.

Remorse is best delivered from a heartfelt perspective, yes, but if that's not available storebought is fine. It's ok to have remorse be a practiced set of words and actions that you do when people are upset, so long as your apologies at least come from a place where you intend to try to change. That change doesn't have to be not having symptoms, but it's reasonable for people to expect your symptoms not to constantly negatively impact them.

All that said, if it's something I truly cannot change about myself, my side of the conversation usually looks like this, with adjustments based on what exactly the issue is (feel free to use this as a script of sorts if you have trouble talking through these things with ppl in your life! YMMV, but I spent a long time formulating it, so it deserves as much use as it can get lol). Keep in mind a lot of this is gonna sound like I don't have ASPD and that is on purpose. In my personal relationships I prioritize apologies and times when others are upset as times I choose to mask. That is honestly more for me than for them except for my Exceptions bc it’s extremely frustrating for me to navigate what is and is not coming off as angry, dismissive, etc. so I prefer to mask heavily during these kinds of conversations. You do not have to mask if you do not want to; it should not be the expectation of NT people/pwoPDs that we mask for their comfort.

If they know about my PD: "I don't want to hide behind this or use it as an excuse, but what you're talking about is a symptom of my personality disorder. I put in a lot of work to avoid these symptoms affecting other people, but at the end of the day I still have a disorder and some things are just not able to go away. What I can do is find out how this is hurting you. If it's my tone and not my words, there isn't much I can do about it besides remind you that my tone is often non-reflective of my intention and emotions. If it's my words, we can work together on a phrasing that would be more comfortable for you in the future. It will come across as scripted, but that doesn’t change the fact that I mean it. I would just be using that phrasing because it’s important to me not to hurt you. If it's a specific action, I can try to not repeat it. But I cannot get rid of the disorder and part of being in my life is understanding that and trying to find ways we can both cope without me having to mask all the time. That is exhausting and unrealistic unfortunately. Can you explain to me what exactly was the issue with what I said/did and how it made you feel so we can understand each other better?”

If they don't: "I get that what I said/did came off differently than I intended and hurt you. I'd like to know specifically what about it hurt you in your own words so that we can come up with a solution to avoid this in the future. I know it may feel obvious, and I basically already know (sometimes with neurotypicals you just need to LIE) what was hurtful. I just feel if you explain it to me, we can target it together better and I will be able to be a better friend/partner/coworker in the future. If you don't communicate that to me, I might accidentally end up making things worse and I don't want to do that. Think about it this way, if what I said made you angry and I thought it made you sad, however I try to rephrase it is probably just going to make you angrier since I’d be looking at it in the wrong context and that warrants a different response.”

If something is 100% unfixable, resort to a gentle version of old reliable "this is who I am" speech: "I understand that you're upset and the goal here was not to hurt you. I don't enjoy seeing you upset and what I did/said wasn't intentionally malicious. But that said, it is kind of just something about me that I talk/act like that sometimes. If it helps to know it isn't anything against you, great. I can give you that reassurance any time you need, just ask instead of assuming ok? If not, I think it may just not be possible for us to see as much of each other or maybe be in each others' lives. I don't want you hurt and if a part of my personality is hurting you, then you deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy and I would wish you all the best in that."

The difference about saying that last one now vs when I used to is that now I am both using much gentler wording and only saying this when I honestly believe the only thing I can do to help this person protect their own peace is to not be in their life. Inevitably, people tend to push after this "no I can handle it, I don't want to lose you", and I usually try and discourage it once and say "look I don't want to be the reason you're hurt and have you bottle it up until you resent me and then lash out at me. I want to protect both of us." If that still doesn't work, gotta be honest, it's their funeral at that point bc you said you could handle it, you said it wasn't that big a deal, you're a grown person and it's your job to either mean what you say or take responsibility if you don't.

Sorry for writing a novel! This stuff is complex and it’s hard to explain my process concisely. I hope this answers your question though.

#actually antisocial #actually aspd #antisocial personality disorder #aspd #aspd awareness #aspd culture #aspd-culture-is #aspd traits #anons welcome #actually cluster b #cluster b pd #cluster b #aspd stigma

[raeflora]

Hi again! I would really love your opinion on something, (since you said that if I ever want you to write meta on something specific I can ask)

Do you think that most D**ir shippers are Dan fans rather than Blair l fans?

I am going forward with the rewatch and I have been reading stuff here andvon other platforms and I have noticed that most D**ir focus on what Dan feels or what Dan does for Blair, ignoring Blair's emotional and mental state at the time

Furthermore they seem to want to rid Blair from all the things that make her Blair (like her ruthlessness and scheming)

Idk... For me Blair wouldn't be Blair without the good and the bad. So it makes me wonder if these people just.... Don't like Blair very much.....

hi!! this is such a good question tysm and this is gonna be long so I hope u don't mind 🫶🏻 I think generally yes d*ir fans do seem to be more fans of dan than they are of blair, and I think there are a few reasons (that I've seen) for this. some of it comes from penn badgley fans as a lot of ppl who discovered him from you on netflix have then watched gg and like dan purely bc it's him. some of it also comes from this rehash of the idea that chuck's "bad" bc of the pilot and ignoring his development, and dan's "good" bc... he's not chuck lol.

ur right in that a lot of them don't want blair to be, well, herself. as I said in my other meta post there's a lot of focus on how blair's "better" when she's with dan. she doesn't scheme, she doesn't do anything, really, except from talk about movies and artists. they think that this watered down version of blair is her true self, even though if u watch the previous 4 and a half seasons it's obvious that's just not true. they want blair to be this girl who's content to spend her days visiting museums and waiting around for dan who she's clearly not. there's nothing wrong with her that dan needs to fix, and chuck didn't corrupt her. she can be interested in art and movies and still scheme and be mean. there's no mutual exclusivity to any of her personality traits, they can all co-exist and are what make her blair. like chuck said in s2 it's stupid to want her to be anything other than what she is.

also, ur so right again in that they ignore blair's mental state. she's obviously not in a good place in s5 and probably shouldn't jump into any relationship after her divorce. but dan pushes her into it. throughout the show she belittles him, insults him, makes fun of serena dating him, and generally just doesn't like him. while they're dating she still doesn't seem that keen on him. there's talk of how she's happier and smiling all the time with dan, but she's not. she effectively throws a tantrum being seen out with him and she can't celebrate his career, she instead undermines and upstages him. her behaviour doesn't seem like someone who's found her perfect match. it seems like someone who's in a confusing transitional period of her life and clings to the nearest man, like she did with carter in s2. if dan was this great perfect man he'd say he couldn't date her right away, let her sort herself out. but no, he forces her to be more than just friends bc, where she's so isolated from everyone else, if she loses him then she loses her only support system (the fact that she becomes so reliant on dan humphrey in the wake of her miscarriage is something for another post) so she kind of has to get into a relationship with him, even though she's not ready mentally.

in terms of liking blair, I think that most d*ir fans like their own version of blair, instead of the canon version. this might be connected to them often preferring dan, and then they just project traits onto blair that aren't hers. I don't know why they don't do this to serena btw, bc her relationship with dan is significantly more important, and she was far more willing to do "ordinary" things with him than blair. ultimately I think they want d*ir, and blair individually, to be something they're not and were never going to be. d*ir isn't sethmer or paceyjoey or whoever else they compare them to. blair isn't someone they can shape into fitting their ideas like dan does, she's her own distinct character and if they don't like her then they should admit it instead of mischaracterising her

#ask #answered #gossip girl meta #anti-dair #anti dair #blair waldorf #dan humphrey #hope u like this!! #sorry if it got rambley sksfjkdk

[fairycosmos]

I have a crush on u and it's actually making me kinda sad. its embarrassing, I don't know u, u don't know me. and there's not really a 'chill' way to begin conversation (not that u'd like me anyway, so no point, lol). I get internet crushes are embarrassing n stupid. but seeing how u respond to people alone, is enough for me to feel something u kno? it never fails to amaze me how attentive & present & thoughtful and deeply compassionate u are to each & every person. it's never dismissive in the slightest, and doesn't feel like ur attending to an 'audience' but actually just so attentive and in tune in the most resonant way with each person. u care. u have such a great capacity to empathise w others, to make people feel seen n heard. and it somehow seems effortless, and just undeniably genuine. you're special. please preserve this precious part of u.

awwww angel you are so so sincerely sweet <3 dw i get this for ppl online sometimes it's sort of a parasocial thing but then it's also about like. finding companionship and security and a sense of true appreciation for ppl online in the absence of having it IRL and i can totally understand how that can morph into some semblance of a crush if you get crushes on people quickly. i really really appreciate it and am so deeply flattered for real <3 esp with how fucking unloveable i feel all the fucking time lmfao!! the thing is i know it's soooo cliche but i think it's just easy to read me that way on here when in reality i am just straight up not that emotionally or physically desirable - and u would get over it quickly if you knew me, i absolutely promise lmfao. anyway it's prob cringe and unhealthy but yeah i Absolutely do care ab the ppl who make an effort to interact with me and open up to me on here and i find a lot of solace in knowing im not the only one who is severely mentally ill and struggling lmfao. i very much want people to feel seen and heard like i rmr when i was 16 and people first started telling me ab their lives on here and i was like Well i know how shit it is to feel unacknowledged and if i can give that to this person through my silly little blog why fucking not - whether it resonates with them or not, whether able to solve anything for them or not. i don't think it's anything particularly special, in fact i think a lot of people feel the same on here which is why we're often so open and vulnerable with each other, but yeah i am just another person trying my best. and this blog has been a massive comfort to my during a time where i have been genuinely entirely emotionally isolated and honestly not reading reality correctly or healthily - i know i still don't. i'm like not right in the head in a way that isn't easy to explain away and i know a lot of people on here are too (lmfao sounds like shade but i mean it earnestly.) so i think it's a two way street and i appreciate the ppl who keep up with me and who i keep up with a lot, prob more than i can articulate. i do make the effort to not be dismissive and i really adore you for seeing that and being truly kind about it. ab the feeling of having a crush - again, i am seriously so flattered and blushing and screaming inside at the absolute compliment lmfao. if ur ever in a place where you want to get to know someone (and obviously ur around my age and you think we'd get along well) - hey my dms are open!! i'd love to know ya and keep up with you too. MWAH <3

#anon #thinks ab this eternally and writes it on my grave

[rebelcharmings]

💖🤮❤️💜🃏?

💖 favourite character?

huge shocker - it’s lizzie🥰🥰🥰. i said this in my previous ask on which character i’m most like, and again it’s bc i find her relatable in a way. but other than that i just . idk love her character sm. i love how she tries to act all tough and like her mother but she’s actually just a sweetheart that wants friends and she just misses her mother and her homeland :(. that being said i love her character in the book just a little bit more than the show bc she feels more unhinged and i love it. and u can also properly see her development from wanting to be this isolated powerful queen to finally opening up to others. in the show i feel like it’s such a jump from her screaming Off With Your Head to everything and then spring unsprung she’s suddenly a sweetie that wants to design clothes for her friends. which isn’t necessarily a criticism bc i get that briar helped her realise she doesn’t have to follow her mother exactly, i just prefer how it’s portrayed in the book more. also am obsessed with her character design it’s just . so good.

🤮 least favourite character?

i’m sorry but.. crystal. just the way she acted was sooo ughhh i’m sorry ik that was the point the fact she’s a spoiled princess but it still annoyed me. like wdym “my pixies always help me when i’m in trouble” GIRL WHO CARES YOURE TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM FALLING TO YOUR DEATH JUST JUMP!!!! and i’ll admit i don’t know much of her original fairytale so i also thought the whole spoiled princess storyline w would’ve felt more satisfying with a character we’ve known for longer.. unless like i said it ties into her story somehow. but yea sorry crystal enjoyers she just ain’t for me

❤️ top 3 royals?

1. lizzie again obviously

2. dexter even tho it doesn’t make sense for him to be a royal but apparently he’s still technically one so . yes him. he’s just a silly guy who wants to prove himself and is also massively down bad for raven. when i read the books, anytime he spoke or was described i was just thinking “Aww i want to squish him”. i especially love his short story of before his legacy year i thought that was cool. wish we could’ve seen more of him being brave or proving himself somehow in the show. also fellow swiftie🤝

3. daring or apple… bc i love analysing both and defending them with my heart bc the show does them soo dirty. daring more so bc apple being a main character means she gets more focus on her motivations and development etc but daring doesn’t . the most ppl see of him in depth is….. epic winters…… if they don’t read the books they don’t get he’s actually a Good Man a bit self obsessed and a himbo but a Good Man who LIKES helping people and does it without hesitation. ppl just Don’t understand daring like i do……. i also love his and apple’s friendship dynamic . peak mlm and wlw solidarity.

💜 top 3 rebels?

1. raven!!! my other fellow swiftie🤝she’s just a cool girl idk what else to say, just love how she’s so unrelenting in her beliefs. even when she wants to sign the book her beliefs don’t change she just doesn’t want anything bad to happen to her friends. and same again when she Does sign the real book. but she’s still just a inherently sweet and nice girl despite it all i love her

2. darling. the charming twins both being my second favs is funny but yea she’s also cool and she is so badass in her book. but also a very considerate person especially when it comes to her brother . love her

3. maddie!! the silliest of girls. the show doesn’t expand on her more than the comic relief best friend but she is soo cool in the book especially when she has to take over for the narrator. that was a fun time. she’s just so cutesy and i love her

🃏 top 3 wonderlandians?

i’m being redundant now but. lizzie, maddie, kitty. there’s not much i haven’t already said for lizzie and maddie, but kitty has always been in my top list of fav eah characters bc i liked her mischievousness and as a kid i thought her powers were so cool too?? i also just like the mischievous cat characters i remember thinking torelai from mh was so cool too

#sorry this took me a bit to answer😭😭 #ever after high #eah #ask #lizzie hearts #dexter charming #daring charming #darling charming #apple white #maddie hatter #kitty cheshire

[diaryfullofsparklesandkisses]

Being a “feminine male” is so crazy like.. first off u don’t know anyone else like that irl so u feel like isolated. Second, there’s ppl who think ur like that for attention.. I like always question the hell out of any slight change I make to my self and overwhelmingly I end up changing things enough so I like it and not enough for strangers to notice, like shits just for me fuck other ppl.. And third there’s the age old thing of like, you shouldn’t be that way because it’s the ultimate worst thing.. like look up words for feminine people who are male (and/or still identify themselves as men), besides femboy it’s literally all words people will call you when they’re making fun of you. Any self identity as those is also reclamation, that’s a wild spot to be in lmao. It’s also super misogynistic—like I’ve been working a lot lately, and sometimes I think about what other ppl would think about a “feminine male”, maybe it’s just my specific conditioning, but it’s all like, they wouldn’t work hard, they’re weak and sensitive.. like bitch I am tough is nails I work really hard and I will put myself through so much torture for fun.. that’s a bad thing mostly, but if we’re talking critique from masculine men about feminine men or males, idk fuck urself that’s not correct. That’s not correct about anybody feminine or women either for that matter, which is why it’s a misogynistic stereotype. Sometimes humans are weaker than others, plus testosterone does make u a little nuts, so it makes sense things bluntly shook out this way, not a good thing obv. But u rarely hear anybody stick up for trans women or femme men or basically anyone who is fem and not afab. In the way of like it’s ok to do plus the people involved aren’t the absolute failure weaklings the stereotype makes them out to be. Probably a lot of that is rooted in homophobia plus the concept of feminine gay men. Idk on one hand it’s like nice I can be myself and transition FOR ME the ways I want to and like the things that feel suited for me not just assigned gender.. then on the other hand I deal with years and years and years of built up, kinda hatred of what u represent.. that’s like how the patriarchy harms men probably. Fear of men and or males being feminine or like women. The idea that if they do they are failures as men and also become useless, annoying, insufferable, morally corrupt.. that’s obviously just insecurity talk. And like I’m no less of a productive person, kinda more productive because I’m more myself and how I want to be, and that leads to better mental states. So what’s the harm. Why’s there still so much baggage to wade through.

[welcometogrouchland]

*I drape myself over a second chaise lounge* jmart are both aro-spec. Thoughts?

SOOO TRUE BESTIE!!! Literally it would be so thematically sexy like. I'm honestly having trouble articulating just how well it works??

Like, Jon is a character driven by empathy, who gets to be painfully and overwhelmingly kind and who grows into vulnerability, who gets to be really nuanced in his morality (something NOT normally afforded to aro characters lmao), and who's interaction with the systems he specifically benefits from gets to be the measure by which his "humanity" (a concept the story itself brings into question at several points!!) is judged, rather than his capacity for traditional romance!! Like there's so many layers to it!! And it's all so good!!!!

And then there's martin who gets to have the arc about isolation and loneliness without it ever being about how romance specifically saved martin. Any type of connection can save you from the lonely, and as much as we joke about it, the fact that 159 could have an ambiguous/platonic interpretation is also interesting through an aro lense (though I obviously do still love the whole "gay love defeats eldritch forces" memes and interpretations of that episode bdjdf). And then in 170 it's his own self determination that saves him from the lonely like!!! WHAT A KING!!!

I also love the idea of exploring martins caretaking instinct in a context removed from the pursuit of romance? He performs caretaking because he cares about people, yes, but it's also a way to ingratiate himself into groups he feels he's not a part of, or in order to maintain a sense of emotional equilibrium in his environment. Those are all direct affects of abuse and I think that's an interesting aspect of his character to explore! But it's sometimes left to the wayside in interpretations because "martin makes Jon tea cause he's crushing on him" is just. Simpler for a lot of non-aro ppl to comprehend?? Idk

Also the way we never hear them kiss until 200 like. I know it's entirely an audio engineering thing but also. I am thinking abt it in aro way <3

Idk where exactly I picture them both on the spectrum tbh?? I think Jon would consider himself aro but doesn't define himself any more specific than that, just knows his patterns and preferences in romance, similar to how I feel his relationship with his bi and ace identity is. Martin I think likes the grey-ro label cause it makes sense to him, and labels are a very practical matter of words to better understand himself and to include him as part of a community (a thing he rarely seeks out but knows is generally good for him. Same reason he goes to book club somewhere else).

In conclusion, jmart are arospec, and while you weren't looking, I also made everyone else in TMA arospec! Tim, Sasha, Georgie, Melanie, fucking Jane Prentiss, everyone!!! I love being aromantic god!!!!

#the magnus archives #tma #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin #jmart #ramblings of a lunatic #asks #sorry this is so long lmao I'm just. very passionate about this hsbsjdbf #the last line is a little bit spite driven by certain takes I've seen before #not widely spread ones but. yeah #friendly reminder that being aro does not make you less queer than being gay and if you think so I'm going to liquify you #with that disclaimer out of the way- i believe in arospec4arospec jmart supremacy #THE love story of the century and they're both aro. who's doing it like them!!!! #ALSO big ol disclaimer: i am 1 (one) aro person and i also am on the side of the spectrum where i experience infrequent romantic attraction #so that very much colours my worldview! i tried to make this pretty general/inclusive but I'm fully willing to accept that- #-the ideas/experiences I identify won't be universal and i fully encourage other aro ppl to add on with their own interpretations/comments

[shoezuki]

ok so like i been Thinkin a lot on that stream techno had today and i may be Thinkin Too Much cuz i was doing psychology while watching but im going to say Words Now

the entire idea and Plot of tommy going from only interacting/being manipulated by dream to only interacting with techno is a Lot. theres a lot here. and i am feasting like a fucking king on the potential of it and what this could all Mean

I think we’re building up the idea of how techno and dream differ and how they house both similarities and extreme differences in their ideals. 

So if we considered how Tommy’s arcs have changed theres a very, VERY clear juxtaposition between the exile arc to.... raccoon arc? whatever the fuck is goin on

Tommy Was manipulated, isolated, and gaslit by dream. that was the only guy he really had interacted with and that was Intentional entirely. Its very obvious this will have and currently has an affect on tommy. 

Now, he’s with technoblade. theres a lot of shit that can be read in this simply as considered right now. I feel we’re clearly supposed to at least somehow compare dream and technoblade because their positions are somewhat similar concerning how they are interacting with tommy. 

Tommy can only really interact with techno, only techno really has the ability to see him (although ranboo, ghostbur, and phil could see him but theres obvious difficulties in their case), and how tommy regards technoblade is.... complicated. like how he regards dream at the moment.

but theres some really, really important and clear differences in this that i think will show a lot about techno’s character and what’s to come

first of all, there’s a question of why techno is seemingly ‘letting’ tommy live with him. No joke, i’ve discussed this a LOT in the technocord and it’s made me realize it from a different perspective since many of those people in there are from Before techno joined the smp.

so, there’s no clear ‘rational’ reason why techno would benefit from teaming with tommy. there’s some arguments that could be made; tommy’s position with people and especially tubbo, using tommy as a bargaining chip with dream, and something else i cant remember. but the technocord hardcore ppl feel tommy is a liability in the long term. techno doesn’t really have much to gain beyond a distraction. the idea of using tommy in order to convince him he’s getting the disks and then to destroy lmanberg is kinda.... its jus more trouble to techno. In fact, it wouldve been defendable for techno to kick him out; he stole his stuff, and we saw how he reacted to his cows being killed, his previous base being pillaged. You’d have thought techno wouldve been angrier.

but like. that aside. there’s little reason for techno to open up to tommy. and thats the point.

there’s no necessity on techno’s part. he doesnt need tommy. he could kick him out easily. but he won’t. 

I imagine technoblade sees the trauma and hardship tommy went through and he sympathizes with him. Its been made clear that techno doesnt know the full extent of what happened, but he doesnt need to. he knows enough. 

Now, back to the happenings of the last stream,

it wasnt plot heavy at all. (mostly because techno’s fuckign glasses are held together with SCOTCH TAPE the guy couldnt even fucking use ducttape i hate that) but there were a Few interesting things, including the Plot Stream a bit;

the ‘box’ techno made with the idea of hiding tommy from dream. (perhaps a joke but it still shows something i feel)

how he’s been giving tommy a Lot of stuff. he hasnt Genuinely been upset at his golden apples being taken; in fact, techno gave him more food in protest of him eating all the gapples instead of.... demanding them back

went mining in the nether with the intention of getting tommy better stuff

he replaced the log he accidentally stripped. extremely funny considering he got the wrong type of wood but he tried

expending more resources on tommy with invisibility potions so that he wasnt in danger of being seen

Repeatedly would assure tommy that dream Is Not His Friend.

at the idea of tommy being ‘banned’ from the nether and being attacked in lmanberg, techno laughed at the idea of him being ‘attacked’ and killed even when tommy worried that he’d die for the Last Time

implicated that techno WOULD defend him. and the idea of someone killing Either him or tommy was funny because of that

okay so slight comparison to dream; techno is instead GIVING tommy resources instead of blowing them up, he’s obviously intent on protecting him in some way, and he assures tommy that dream is No Good (rather than how dream was telling tommy no one cared about him)

But there’s one instance that was really, really important to me

the control room had a very bad impact on tommy. most likely a panic attack (the shaking, heavy breathing, scattered speech/thought is something i know so intimately lmao) and techno’s reaction to it was extremely interesting. 

first, techno said he was ‘freaking out for no reason’ which could be a) techno is horrific at emotions and vulnerability lmao and b) to Him, it Is nothing. he has no clue what tommy had been through. 

He repeatedly asked what was wrong. what had happened in that room. He pressed Slightly. but as soon as tommy said he didnt want to talk about that, techno instantly backed off and said its alright. specifically, he said:

“It’s fine, no one recovers in a day tommy. Healing is a long process, it’s fine.”

that shit hit me like a freight train. Mostly i didnt expect anything to come from this stream like that but FUCK LMAO.

The biggest thing is, i think technoblade is going to help tommy heal from the dream shit and get back on his feet. 

but also, even though im not entirely sure i need to see more, tommy will get techno to be more caring. We know philza is the only one techno is really close to, and ghostbur as well. both of which either weren’t involved in betraying techno, or doesnt remember it. i see it pointed out that techno is going at tubbo and his government rather than dream, but i think it makes sense. 

dream technically hasnt challenged techno’s ideals or what he wants; while tubbo stole from him, used him as a weapon, and reinstated a government despite everything techno was saying. 

Tommy took part in betraying him, thats without a doubt. but tommy was also screwed over by the government in place. so techno empathizes with him. maybe they dont fully trust each other, but thats a work in progress. and it will progress to technoblade trusting tommy despite their past, and realizing that dream is in a position of power over Everyone. 

tl:dr: tommy is going to heal with techno’s help and full come to terms with/realize what dream did to him, and techno is going to realize he CAN trust people and that dream has been the one pulling the strings all along

#mcyt #dream smp #technoblade #tommyinnit #long post #THIS IS A LOT OF WORDS I COULD TECHNICALLY SAY MORE BUT #i feel bad putting a MASSIVE wall of text on ppls dash lmoa #like. i could continue on with what their 'alliance' could mean from techno's perspective #because looking now it looks more like tommy is going to 'use' techno again. as a means of getting his discs back #although yeah it kinda is but i think that will change #i want it too #and i want techno to go towards being TRULY anarchist like cmon ur close buddy but not quite #hes got the 'screw the goverment let us people be our own ruling bodies of ourselves' which is right #but the idea of 'the powerful live above all' is NOT right. at all #like its the opposite #but technoblade acknowledges he wasnt really 'that anarchist' and has said in the past he doesnt have like. a specific idealogy #that he follows beyond 'an anarchist' #ok im stopping talking in the tags but technoblade please. please. become a real anarchist cmon

[kalikatze]

Hi <3

I'm surprisingly okay, given all the *gestures*... everything going on tbh.

I have a job that pays enough that I don't have to shop with a calculator, a partner who is caring and also adorable (AND gets on well with my level of weirdness), a friend group who's good enough at keeping in touch online that I don't feel entirely isolated, and I live in a place where getting medicated for ADHD is as easy as showing up at a Neurologist's office going "halp I might have ADHD" and after some poking, the Neurologist goes "You... have ADHD." and prescribes them. If you're lucky. And I was!

Also, I've been dying my hair unnatural colours again because who's gonna stop me? ...Currently it's a bright minty teal.

Hi hi! :D <3

I'm glad to hear it! I know pretty much no one is actually okay-okay these days, but this sounds about as good as it gets :)

I recall you telling me on discord that you got a diagnosis and medication and that it helps you immensely - i'm so glad you got this neurologist and that treatment works so well for you!

I just checked that we last really talked May 2020, and didn't really read back what all we talked about, but that means you proobably know I live on Mallorca again, but that I was reasonably stable pain-wise.. In the time since i've done a spanish course and actually achieved a C1 level, which means I have a certificate saying I am fluent *ahaha*. I've definitely improved lots, but I'm.. a ways away from actual fluency.

But I've also deteriorated slowly over the last two years so that now I'm back at.. more pain than I feel I can handle on a daily basis (granted, the mental strain from the pandemic is *not* helping, but since you can't just turn that one off..) I went and contacted my doctor. Which long story short I saw someone last week and he just went ahead and ordered *all* the tests. They're stealing my bodily fluids in a week and a half and then a week after I get to talk about the results. I'm hoping for something that can be fixed with simple medication, but we'll see. Any new knowledge would be useful to help deal with this and improve. I know it's extremely unlikely I'll ever be pain-free, but I'd like some energy and mental capacity back.

Anyway. Panic and despair about this topic have been put on hold pending further information. I'm trying to balance looking into things he's having me tested for (bc i got like.. no info on if i'm supposed to fast before the blood it taken, or when to collect the urine sample) and not obsessing about things like "what if the test for celiac is positive" (then we deal with it when we learn about it. no use fretting).

I've not really done much more than learning Spanish and knitting, the last two years. Well, I was in Germany Feb/Mar 2020 and then not for a year and a half. We went again when we were vaccinated in July 2021, and then again for Christmas, where we got the booster from my mother-in-law's neurologist (who was willing to do the paperwork to make the spanish health insurance pay for it, and update our EU-certificate; bc Spain in December still said 'not before march' for under 40s). Then, shortly before we flew back on 8.1. my father caught omicron. We were.. really lucky not to get it ourselves, and he was lucky that it only gave him a sore throat for some days but otherwise he was fine. He'd've had a booster appointment a week later..

But we made it back home, and I'm not leaving the house now :p (actually, I do. Just not terribly often and obviously masked up. Not that it would be legal not to do that.. but you wouldn't know that from looking at the people. And of course having a mask mandate for everywhere outside is not helpful when you then allow the bars and restaurants to open at full capacity and ppl to take off their masks when they eat or drink.. but that's another topic, and not one i'm allowed to linger on, mentally, bc I'll want to sleep in seven hours or so)

anfscd: Minty teal hair? *-* Can I seeeeee? (doesn't have to be public, if you prefer - you know I don't show my face in public, but pm/discord is completely different)

#i'm sure there's things i wanted to say that i've forgotten now.. #if for any reason you didn't want this published pls lmk #but my best guess is that it's fine or I wouldn't have #corona mention #own post #i am tired and in pain but at least i also don't have to worry about being comfortable and able to afford food etc short term #we do neither talk nor think about long term

[normal-thoughts-official]

When/how do you think Ragnor and Catrina realized camille was being abusive towards Magnus?

Btw, I love u❤

fantastic question anon, i love YOU! i think that depends on a couple of factors. i think people who have already been or know people who have been in an abusive relationship are more likely to notice the warning signs, and/or to interpret stuff like the person pulling away as a sign of abuse. whereas people who haven't lived through it and aren't informed on it might not even realize what's going on until before it's over, and even be angry

so because we live in a hell world and catarina is a black woman, i think she is more likely to notice the warning signs than ragnor is, because black women are more likely to be in abusive relationships than white men. i'm not saying catarina herself has been in an abusive relationship necessarily but presumably her family has plenty of black women and she's also more likely to also be friends with other woc and marginalized ppl than ragnor is because again, hell world. so she has a higher chance of having been in a similar position before, although of course that's no set in stone rule and ragnor's circle of friends does seem to have a lot of marginalized ppl (and i hc him as aroace which makes him queer which puts him in an entirely different position than a straight white man and probably means something about the relationships he builds, but anyway) BUT my point is, i think catarina is more likely to notice earlier

i think ragnor is pretty perceptive tho, and also that they are pretty close and talk a lot, so i think once catarina noticed she would have talked to ragnor, and it wouldn't take ragnor long to realize that she was right

so okay when would they notice? i think that's always a slow process but i'm pretty sure their suspicions would first arise when magnus started to ditch them and stuff like parties and outings because of camille. first of all, i don't think that's like magnus at all, and second of all, there is an obvious difference between "i'm in the honeymoon phase" and "sorry, i don't think it's a good idea, my partner might not like it" or even "yeah! that sounds great!... just let me ask my partner about it". big difference

so that already has catarina in particular very wary of her because magnus is not the kind to ditch his friends because of a partner and the way he's acting about this is weird. so, she decides to keep an eye and maybe even put this to the test by making a surprise visit and invite him to a party like, right then doijadiosaj and she takes him out and she notices that magnus is Out Of It and he seems even a little... tense and scared and almost paranoid. and like, this is relatively at the beginning of their relationship so she wouldn't have been Horrible about it yet but at the beginning the person expresses enough control and discomfort with these things for you to be kind of uncomfortable even if you don't really realize that it's because you're Scared Of Hurting Your Parner

so THAT gets catarina really worried, because if magnus can't relax because he's afraid of camille's reaction, and worse, if he doesn't REALIZE that's why, that's the reddest a flag can get in such an early stage of their relationship. she tries to talk to magnus about it but magnus is the king of deflecting and basically waves her worries off. which just makes her more worried, but what is she supposed to do? she knows that pushing will only makes things worse and make it easier for camille to turn magnus against her and cut their ties. so, she lets it go and pretends that she buys his excuses. that's probably when she also talks to ragnor. ragnor probably had noticed that something was off but he hadn't really thought that it would be something super bad, and i think he'd still have his doubts about it, but well, he has that on the back of his mind now. and besides, he trusts catarina's judgement and he can admit when she is more qualified than him to assess something. it's why their relationship works

the first time they say anything is probably when magnus tells him about some fight they've had. probably because magnus told camille that he was upset about something she did - like idk, making fun of him in public about a topic that's sensitive to him. and like magnus wasn't even mad at her, he had never mentioned that whatever joke she made was off limits or related to a sensitive topic, he just wanted to communicate and let her know that it had hurt him, and she pretty much Exploded at him. and somehow turned it all around so it was magnus' fault for accusing her of trying to hurt him on purpose when that's not what magnus did, and now magnus pretty much wanted advice on how to apologize and let her know that he loves her

so catarina and ragnor try to subtly poke holes in her logic and show him that he has nothing to apologize for, without straight up being like "she's manipulating you" because Kids, That Does Not Go Well. and it makes magnus... heartbreakingly confused in that way abused people get when the logic they have been being shoved under shows cracks that would mean something too awful to even imagine

and catarina is a fucking wreck because at this point, she is sure of it and it makes her relive... so much trauma of other people she's seen go through that and lost and/or her own relationships if you want to go with that. and she doesn't want to lose magnus or have magnus go through that but she doesn't know what to do and she KNOWS that next step is magnus pulling away from her and ragnor no matter how careful she is

she probably gets the rare Comforting Hug from ragnor once magnus leaves and she also talks to dot and maybe elias? you know, their other friends. and they have a Catarina Comforting Day and hear her stories and cuddle and you know, try to make her feel better. and eventually they try to devise some kind of game plan so they can try to help magnus get out of this

it all goes to shit of course when they have the rare outing with camille, and camille is Obviously Refusing To Interact With Them If She Can Avoid It which is classic abuse thing - sure, i'll go see your friends, but you have to choose between interacting with them and me, so really you don't actually get to see with your friends because you'll feel bad that i'm isolated and eventually seeing your friends will feel either pointless or nervewracking cuz it feels like juggling your relationships. and if you want to see them without me i am going to act like you have something to hide and i'm a victim

anyway! so they notice that and they try to undermine that tactic by, you know, interacting with her a lot. so camille switches it up and tries to pick up a fight, and lo and behold, she succeeds - i know ragnor doesn't look like the kind of guy who loses his temper easily but i think when you push his buttons he is VERY bad at hiding it and half a snappy comment is all camille needs to lash out at him and play the victim. she's good

so that's when their plan gets fucked and everything goes to hell because then it's just too easy for camille to isolate magnus from his friends with really just a few tweaks to the previous tactic i mentioned - "are you really picking them over me, magnus? you're gonna keep hanging out with them when they are so rude to me, probably tell you all sorts of things about me, try to get you to break up with me? can't you see how manipulative they are? how they're trying to turn you against me? why do you insist so much on seeing them when you know how much that hurts me?"

and done

catarina and ragnor probably fight after that because god DAMN it, she fucking tOLD him that they had to be careful! and she's been swallowing all kinds of shitty comments from her but ragnor just had to fucking lose it at the first provocation, didn't he? and god knows how long it'd take for them to reach him after that, because camille is already preemptively making him think that they are trying to manipulate him to break up with her out of jealousy so he won't listen to anything they say directly. and she's right, of course, and ragnor is out of his depth and doesn't UNDERSTAND how these things go and how much this slip up will affect them in the future

i like to think that ragnor apologizes to her and catarina probably... has a breakdown because fuck she is worried and she is reliving way too many nightmares here. and ragnor is actually very tender and hugs her and apologizes and kisses her forehead and tells her that he's going to fix it. and he actually swallows his pride and apologizes to camille just to try and turn this thing around, but, well. the damage is done. and really, there is only so much friends can do when dealing with something like this. at the end of the day, they did all they could

and from then on they try their best to be there for him and pull magnus out of the camille-created isolation, but there's only so much they can do, and it's up to magnus to notice and get help to get rid with her. they'll always try to be his support system, but well. it's hard

and of course eventually magnus does get rid of her claws and catarina, ragnor, dot, elias etc., are all there for him when he does. and he probably feels guilty because he pushed them away but really they are just so RELIEVED that he's finally free of her. and him and catarina probably get a teary hug full of apologies for things that aren't their fault, and they try to make up for lost time by spending as much time as possible together now. especially because i think that it also hurts catarina to have her friends pull away - she obviously yearns for family, for closeness, i don't think she does well with people pulling away from her, she wants the kind of closeness that comes from routine and she used to have that with magnus and the rest of the immortal squad, you know? and magnus knows that, so, he tries to compensate

and eventually they start to heal their relationships, but magnus still has a long way to heal himself, but well. he'll get there. they are together and all

#sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #catarina loss #ragnor fell #camille belcourt is an abuser #brotp: comfortable shoes #brotp: my dear little cabbage #immortal squad #abuse tw #racism tw #misoginy tw #misoginoir mention #ask #anonymous #meta #kinda #camille's trash party #i have always wanted to be The Camille Angst Blog is it finally happening pls say yes

[stuckylibrary]

Group Ask 177

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Please send us an ask stating which group ask and which person you are replying to. Thank you so much in advance!

scottiedotmp4 said:

i’ve scoured the apocalypse and post-apocalypse tags on AO3 but can’t seem to find this fic. all i can really remember was that steve and bucky lived in a cabin and thought they were the only survivors. i think bucky found steve bc steve kept trying to contact ppl with a radio broadcast. they had a garden and chickens and at some point contacted tony who lived in the west coat. thanks so much!

emzy2, time-lord-no-more, oh-ursmari and Anon sent in The Day the World Went Away* by 74days (complete | 21,323 | T) *chose not to warn

Anon 1 said:

hey :) so there was this fic i read a few months ago that i wanted to read again but i cant find it. basically, the avengers are wondering why steve is not getting in the christmas spirit and try to figure it out and then they find out that bucky died on christmas or something and that’s the reason why. sorry if that’s vague, thank you so much!!!! :)

dolphinqueen10 sent in For the Holidays by togina (restricted, oneshot | 11,279 | T)

Anon 2 said:

Could you please please help me find a fic where bucky and tony are running from cops. Its a cacw canon divergence where tony hates bucky as he has murdered his parents but ends up befriending him eventually when he realizes how much steve loves bucky and that bucky is a good human. I guess stucky is established relationship in this story. Congrats on the new blog, the fandom loves you!! Thanks!

getstucky sent in i need a forest fire by tomorrowsrain (complete | 65,812 | T)

Anon 3 said:

I CAN NOT find this fic where Bucky is living with Steve post hydra and isn’t able able to jack off and he goes to Steve’s room one night thinking that Steve will have sex with him. Steve is horrified and gives him a lecture about how not masturbating is dangerous with their increased sex drive with the serum and ends up letting Bucky fuck him instead. Any suggestions helpful, I’ve tried every tag combo I can think of!

sheetsforwhichimmade and possibleplatypus sent in  Deep-Six* by Claudia_flies (oneshto | 3,474 | E) *chose not to warn

pekinessa22 said:

Hi! Ok so i have lost two fics (the travesty i know) The first one is an ABO fic where steve is about to give birth and he is isolated for religious reasons and after the baby is born bucky kinda smugles himself in (if i remember correctly it was like old roman vibes but i cant recal for sure). 

(Polyamory:) The other one is nat/bucky/steve pure smut where the three live together and i remember bucky at one point laying nat on the dining room table like a snak for steve (smut ensures) THANKS

delilahdraken said:

I'm looking for a post-apocalyptic AU where skinny Steve is working as a mechanic. He finds Bucky in a landfill while looking for parts to repair something. Bucky is still a Winter Soldier, but different. They tried to make soldiers that could survice a nuclear winter, which they did, but it also made them sort-of vampiric and difficult to control. There is mention of a neural implant that stopped working for Bucky. Also Bucky's blood heals and only he can open a weapons cache Nick Fury wants.

Anon 4 said:

Hi! Do you know the fic where Steve died before the war and Bucky joins the Howlies and gets taken by Hydra but is saved by the Avengers and he kinda sees Steve? I think Peggy was Cap! Think you can find it?

Anon 5 said:

Hey there! Thanks for all that you do!!! I'm looking for a fic where Bucky has memory loss and video chats with Steve everyday from his room and then one day Steve doesn't video call him because he's depressed and Sam talks to Bucky. Steve maybe also reads Bucky a story every night? I would appreciate any help identifying this fic!!!

yumathings said:

Hi. I am desperately looking for a historical fic. I went through all the tags and .... I can’t find it. It’s a poor Bucky with a title and Steve with money. I think. But FOR SURE Bucky ja a war injury that keeps him in bed and they think he will die soon. So may as well marry and get a good settlement for his sister. But Steve is a good guy. And he figures out how to help Bucky and .... obviously.... they fall in love.... do you know that one?

greyhavensking, possibleplatypus and Anon sent in The Bargain by GoodbyeBlues (complete | 20,647 | M)

Anon 6 said:

Hello, I'm not really sure how to use tumblr but I'm looking for a fic where there's accidental noncon. Bucky asks Steve for stuff after sex and Steve doesn't realize that Bucky is using sex to barter for things he wants.

possibleplatypus sent in Uberrima Fidei* by asocialconstruct (oneshot | 3,075 | E) *rape/noncon

Anon 7 said:

Hi there! I’m trying to find a fic without results, maybe you can help. I remember just one thing: bucky and steve stuck behind enemy lines have sex and the scent of hormones kind of make the bad guys fuck too, so they can escape. I think it was abo and it’s either set during the war or in modern setting, but I don’t actually know. It’s really old, I tried to search in the abo tag, but I didn’t find anything. Sorry I couldn’t be more specific. Oh, it was multi chaptered if I’m not wrong

lesbucci said:

There’s this Fic I’m trying to find, but I only have a screenshot and I’m worried it might be deleted? The part I have screenshotted goes like this: “What kinda fucking stunt you trying to pull here, Rogers? Fucking left a note? Like that was supposed to fix it?" Bucky wants to rage, more than anything, twist his bones into something formidable so he can break, but there’s no one to hurt here but himself, and baby is all he's got. Only thing he ever owned, besides Steve.

Not a Stucky fic, Anon sent in a deleted Supernatural fic:  The Dark Descent and Up To Reascend by Theboys

Anon 8 said: (possible underage?)

hi! Im looking for a fic where Bucky was modern and Steve was still Captain america. They lived in the same apartment building, I think Buckys was directly under Steves, so he keeps sneaking in until Steve catches him. I'm pretty sure Bucky was younger, a lot younger. The ending was something like Bucky showing up at one of Steves events and Steve sees him and just smiles in Buckys direction? please help me! thank you

possibleplatypus and Anon sent in erupted with rubies* by yasgorl (oneshot | 8,009 | E) *chose not to warn

Anon 9 said:

Hello! i love this blog thanks for all your organizing skills. I’m looking for a short fic where Natasha gave bucky a bath bomb and steve realizes he likes them so he buys him more. thanks

#group asks

[f1stuffblog]

Honestly I have to say something about this whole thing going on around George. 

PART 1 

I understand, many of you do not like drivers traveling, but look at it from diferent perspective. 

1. There are often not at home with their loved onse (not that remote family WE all can not meet now ). They can not meet their parents, siblings, partnes even under normal cuircumstances = not to mention, how tricky it is now. I understand we all can not meet as we all wanted, but they can even less. I understand many people do not get it,  feel bad about it, since they  are locked at home and feel disconedted from their family  and normal life  and that makes them angry. BUT that´s what F1 drivers live and lived every year since they were maybe 16 y.o !!!  Ok they live their dream, but still it is not easy. THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS LIKE ALL OF US !!!  And they willl live like that again, after season will start = isolate from all others, even between the races and even at the time lock down will be lifted and we all will meet as we did during summer  = they will not do that, because they are 100% professionals and will concentrate only on racing. Something we all love and something because of what they also needed  to travel during pandemic, with all possible procautions = no one seemed pissed at the time. WHY because that was you who had a bit of fun? Because it was you who enjoed it ? Or because it was you who  took some rest every weekend watching them ? They were working to make it possible, sacrifaced a lot to make it possible  = overcame all challanges. Now is their time to do what WE did while they were working. Safely, in the most remote place possible, alone only with their partner or familly,  and low key, but they can not be harrased in that way because of it !!! 

2. Talking about him breaking UK´s restrictions ? Probably not truth also ! Based on his previous pictures (first from 23-rd of December) I would say he was in Spain since end of the Season. He obviously was not in Saint Barth before, since Carmen was at home (there is evidence for it) and he was not in his parents house or his own. Yeah I know he shouldn´t go, you will say  = that brings us back to point 1 and moreover = how on Earth is that different to isolating an training in UK ? Just weather is nicer= makes training easier. And you know what ? It may be new for you, but they need to train to keep us entertained again when season starts = they will not just jump into the car and race  = it is lot of hard work beforehand.....AND FOR GOD´s SAKE IT IS EVEN SAFER TO BE IN SPAIN OR WHERE HE IS NOW, THAN IN UK DURING THIS TIMES !  

3. OK ...I am not overly excited about George´s travelling. Not because I think it is unsafe in a manner he did it. You can fly private and if not there are 3 ppl in a planes nowadays. I don´t think lying on a empty beach is risky. I do not think it is risky to travel to country where number of cases was 0 in recent days since December and even those before were mainly tourists = before that country put on restrictions about 2 consecutive tests before coming. I do not think it is bad to go there,if you have an opportunity.  

So why I am pissed ?  Only reason is = he did not posted, he tried to behave as he as every driver should and that would be OK for me = not to post it, no parties, no shopping in malls, no travels to Covid hotspots, etc. (and do not start that stories of him lying = he never said he is in a UK and it was obvious from previous pics he was not ). He never did posted he is there, neither did she = someone else did. Few days ago you all tought he is at Carmen´s and were relatively OK with that = why that changed, if he still seems responsible and cautious?  AND I AM PISSED BECAUSE  HE WAS CALLED LIAR FOR SOMETHING HE NEVER SAID OR HARRASED FOR SOMETHING  OTHERS DID AS WELL, MUCH MORE PUBLICLY AND MUCH LESS SAFE THAN HE DID ! 

And no, I do not think, it is the same as Lando, who met with many people and his bro was going around even after he was tested possitive. I do not think it is the same as Max did with his parties in Brasil (and informed us regurarly about it ) with about 40 people, Charles taking pics without masks in Dubai  = both pure hotspots of pandemic. It is not the same as Nicky or Lance and their big familly gatherings.   And even not to Valteri who was with lot of people and I never heard a word about it.  WHY IS THAT ?  Because he was “AT HOME” ? 

This is similar to what Lewis did when he isolated on island, what Carlos did ,when he travelled to relatively  safe place, what Esteban did, when he meet with Elena. He went there to rest and spent time with his GF = that leads us to the second part of this story. 

#george russell #gr63 #Whyareyoumakinghimlooklikebadguy

[stronghours]

CUSTOMER SERVICE

E T S Y

Darling Fallon    Sep 3, 2013

Sensational (sin-sational!). i write on behalf of myself (S) and my lover (m). we have been ripped off by bulk-produced molded hoods before and i can only say HAND CUT LATEX ONLY never look back!! worth the money and will eventually pay for itself. neck fit like loving glove and adds dynamic intensifier to breathplay. Lovely proprietor replied prompt when “m” had questions re: breathability (she added extra breathing hole at no extra cost). class acts all around (and not just in our dungeon!) will return for more but “m” needs a break first if u get the drift lol1!! thanks to lady j!

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Latex Chrysalis Hood (translucent…

3 Helpful

  myMister   Aug 24, 2013

this one writes on behalf and with permission of MISTER. this one quaked with bliss when package arrived. truly awful to behold in the wise hands of MISTER. this one’s neck is small and delicate For His Pleasure and all item adjustments were made to order and did not affect shipping time. if this one could be so efficient For His Pleasure this one would be in heaven on earth. instead, this one is less than a hole. item truly enhanced <O sensation. without a doubt will be used over and over in this household for due punishments of this very worthless one. discrete pgk’ing. thanks to designer J for deepening this one’s service to MISTER.

(NOTE FROM MISTER – WILL PROPRIETER PLEASE PRIVATELY EMAIL TO DISCLOSE IF YOU ARE MALE/FEMALE/OTHER SO “myMister” (this one) WILL BE ABLE TO PROPERLY ADDRESS YOU IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS FORMAL ROLE)

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Throttle Collar w/ attached Gas…

1 Helpful

  JulieJuice   August 3, 2013

LOL rip-off!!! cant believe all u ppl sucking this guys dick. says everywhere in product descript. (and you guys reviews!!) that custom sizing is no additl. cost but mine cost more!! only small alteration to titty holes cause of my cleave situation. bullshit. not buying from him again.

Response from J

Hi again Julie. If you check our many enlightening inbox conversations from 7/5-7/16 you will be reminded the additional cost was due to your request of more ring hinge insertions as the standard amount in pattern block “was not bling enough”. Cleavage was irrelevant. Sizing related alterations are always no added cost. Custom alterations requiring additional materials/effort and adjusted pricing will always be discussed and approved on client end before any exchange of payment.

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Hexagon Restrictor Harness…

HELPFUL?

  HannahCakes!    Jun 1, 2013

Hey Whats Up I’m Caleb (obviously don’t have an etsy) and using my lady’s account. She got the catsuit for my birthday and she looked so sexy like J-Lo or someone. Didn’t want her doin the latex stuff because I thought shed have to shave off all her pubes and personally i like that kind of thing a lot but no harm done. Anyway she was super sexy and the suit thing looked good and stayed together even when we started rockin. To other full bush guys out there if youre girl wants to wear the latex stuff SHE CAN KEEP HER BUSH she just has to use lube to oil up the bush that she has.

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Domina Catsuit w/ Pussycat Zipper (red…

7 Helpful

  HannahCakes!   3 months ago   Friend   Ignore

Caleb Review

Hi J,

Saw my boyfriend’s 6/1 review and I was like uh ohhh. I asked him to leave one because he went gaga over the catsuit, but I wasn’t expecting all the bush stuff. If you don’t want to be associated with that and want to delete, that’s ok on my end. A little embarrassing! – Hannah!

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear    3 months ago    Friend    Ignore

Hi Hannah. Please don’t worry about it, any positive review is welcome. His feedback has apparently hit a chord with some specific hesitations and concerns buyers have been experiencing but not confiding with me, so I plan on keeping it up for the time being. Enjoy your garment.

  JoeyoftheHerd    3 months ago   Friend   Ignore

Moo-cow snout muzzle thing – (idea i had)

Hi. Is this idea good

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear    3 months ago    Friend   Ignore

Hi Joey. Are you interested in a custom cow muzzle/mask, like the pup play masks on my page or are you just brainstorming for personal reasons?

Reply from JoeyoftheHerd    3 months ago    Friend    Ignore

idk it’s just an idea i had

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear    3 months ago    Friend    Ignore

It’s a cool idea

Reply from JoeyoftheHerd    3 months ago    Friend    Ignore

Thanks man i thought so 2

1234Brett10093456    3 months ago   Friend   Ignore

I REMEMBER YOU FROM RAWHIDE

JULES yes I know who you are and I know your name are you scared yet?? I remember when you used to hang with Roscoe out at Rawhide because Roscoe pretended to hire you because he secretly wanted to fuck and suck you till you cried and I saw all that. I have brown flippy hair, blue eyes and am tall/cut versatile but lean TOP. I know you faked being gay. You heard of bi-now-gay-later but have you heard of gay-then-straight-betrayer (you)? That is fucked up that you still sell stuff but pretend to be a gay guy because that makes your stuff sell better because the gay guys want to fuck you. I know you are faking because my muscle bud Tomas (latino) saw you making out with a ginger chick at the wet bar in Entrance last week. He said it was probably a joke but I know it wasn’t because he said he saw tongue. I wont let you be a breeder without a fight. I am willing to tell EVERYBODY YOURE SECRET. But I wont if you prove to me YOU CAN STILL BE GAY. Im attaching a pic of my cock so you know im not lying and can follow through. I will only believe YOU ARE GAY if we can see each other face/face (i can host only on fri- I have two roommates) and our cocks have to touch and you have to stay hard for at least five minutes while I suck and jack your cock and tongue your balls (shave or dont i will leave that up to you). condoms ok but if you want to be a breeder so bad maybe I will just breed your ass but if youre actually a gay guy you’ll like it and cum thick ropes as I fuck your dirty little slut hole and youll tell me youre a hole while I fuck it with the shiny precum head of my cut fucking cock (7inches erect). you will smell my hole and BECOME GAY again IT WILL HAPPEN  - Brett Costino

  TheSteelyDanMan   2 months ago   Friend   Ignore

Latex & Breastfeeding Concerns

Good morning, J I hope you are well. Returning customer, here. My kajira/wife and I are splinter Gor lifestylers (NOT KAOTIANS) [link] but are currently isolated due to our deviation from standard kajira beautification ideals and the arrival of our first child (girl - Gemma) two months ago. My wife’s submission has usually been expressed fashion-wise in various strict latex outfits, a few of which you have kindly provided us over the past couple of years. Naturally, the arrival of a mini-me results in some changes! My wife, insecure after birth, wants to return to strict full-coverage latex, but this desire is at odds with her physical situation of actively nursing Gemma and we both have worries. Does the constriction of latex effect or otherwise harm milk production, or could secondhand latex exposure harm our baby? I imagine you have catered to many lifestyle situations where this might be relevant so I thought I would ask. Thanks very much. LEO

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear    2 months ago    Friend    Ignore

Hi Leo. While I have catered to many lifestyles, I’m afraid I must exercise discretion in this situation, as it would be on par with giving medical advice. I will say any allergy is a possibility and one should exercise undue care with a very young infant, not just in matters of latex. I highly encourage you and your wife to discuss this with her doctor as frankly as possible. In the long run it might be worth reevaluating aspects of your wife’s submission and temporarily making do with latex pieces that do not restrict the breasts, while nursing is a part of her daily reality (I’m sure I don’t have to tell you examples are available on my page). Best of luck and congratulations on the new addition to your family.

  NoraBarnacle    2 months ago   Friend   Ignore

A sincere offer…

Several months ago, I bought a pair of latex gauntlet gloves from your shop. Since then, astonishing changes have come over me. I used to be high-powered, highly controlled, a formidable woman (natural ash blond, green eyes, 45”-40”-44”) I was determined to keep these feelings to myself, but I can no longer resist, as I wholeheartedly believe your Dominating spirit, imbued in the gauntlets, is leading me forcefully but masterfully into your care. If it pleases you, know I have not touched my aching slit for one month total as I am uncertain whether you desire me to feel pleasure that is not approved by you. There are no images of you on your site, but I have drawn an accurate picture of you in my mind and I know you are the Man that I never knew I was waiting for, the Man who will lead me, the Man who will hold my neck and strike my forehead to his knee in his insistence that I allow myself to be led. When I wear the gauntlets, they are your own gallant hands restricting my weak bones. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I do not desire to resist. Please message back so I can properly present my acquiescence, body and soul, unto you. I squat disgracefully on my plump thighs, full of whorish tremor that makes me unworthy, but still I desire. I will service your home with my ardent hands and service your thick and striving cock with my wet tongue. Respond to this small soul. I submit to your gallant wisdom – A Secret Admirer

  RicoMetals   1 month ago   Friend   Ignore

Redhead Modle in Pic for Serve Her Serrated Corselette

Hey man-to-man who is she. I love redheads. Does she modle for other people/would she modle for my pieces? there’s no head in the pick – what’s her nose situation? we could all do collab and I think it would be hot. Let me kno - RICO

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear    1 month ago    Friend    Ignore

Hi Rico. I have not blocked you (yet) because said model wanted me to reply to you first and inform you, she’s already an established performer in her own right and does not want to model for a guy who “thinks I need some sissy seamstress to pimp me out to shitty welders online”. As I only have basic welding experience, I can offer no further comment or defense on your behalf.

  DerryBerry454   1 month ago   Friend   Ignore

Inquiry re: standard leather sleep-sack dimensions

Hello Miss J, quick question:

I will buy this item no hesitation no delay if you tell me right now about your vagina. Questions I prioritize:

1.     Color labia (outer)

2.     Color labia (inner – aroused)

3.     Clit length in centimeters or whatever measurement is most flattering to you

4.     Range of clit engorgement

5.     Depth of vaginal canal (I will allow ballpark figure as I know not everyone has graded speculums lying around)

6.     Percentage of clit orgasms v. vaginal orgasms – bonus points if you describe uterine orgasm, if that is your experience (no pressure to answer last part, as I understand it is not necessarily vagina-adjacent)

7.     Are you hairy? What color?

8.     When you wash your vagina do you douche or do you use fingers to rub through labia folds and that is it?

9.     Color of menstrual blood

10.  If you wear panties, do you find the crotch of your panties degrades due to PH of your vaginal discharge? (give me the qualities and I will calculate this for you)

While a picture of your vagina is welcome (and will only be for my private use) I really do like gathering these stats (I’m kind of a nerd) and would appreciate as much openness on your behalf as possible and you will benefit too because I’ll give you money for your lovely product. Talk to you soon! 😊

  B O A R D

[RUBBERVALLEY FIENDS THREAD 3/3 2006-PRESENT] TOPICS: 850 POSTS: 10,356

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): Hey people, we’ve reached the end of the summer and you know what that means – Ivan himself of the halls of Rubber Valley presents inaugural post of their annual sweeps week filming extravaganza – first photoset already up and we’ve got the goddamn brilliant LYDIA SUCKS sons! The greatest bitch on the face of the planet almost psyched us out but she’s here she’s low and she’s ready to blow. Vid upload will probably take till tomorrow to render but we’ve got some great pic galleries already. Ivan really spoiling us pigs lmfao. Seeing lots of setup and dress-up and behind scenes stuff for yall candid pervs. We’ve got full body latex and face coverage hoods and I see a breathing tube and the barn inversion setup. Possible inverted ceiling fuck? The boys can dream. Links to download pics results in PERMABAN – only official links to Rubber Valley site allowed, don’t know how often I have to say it. You want to pass ripped screenshots you do that through email *casts pearls before swine*

GOBgobGOB: no pic of lyds upside down yet ☹

LordJim: Not interested until I see Ivan haul out the FuckRacers from two years ago – wonder why he doesn’t bring those around more often? Great view stats on current vids and who doesn’t like a fat ass getting auto-fucked while she steers the go-cart supine?

SUCKPUNTER: lmfao all views are you bro

GOBgobGOB: D I R E C T H I T

SUCKPUNTER: hey lordjim where’d you learn the word supine

LordJim: Yeah “laugh out loud” very funny guys.

SUCKPUNTER: did you learn it at college

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): Lydia looks gr8 folks. Queen pristine and ready to cream. SUCKPUNTER – chill out because I’ve got my eye on you. Don’t take the bait Jim. You’re like thirty.

SUCKPUNTER: at least I don’t get off on bitches doing the pinewood derby

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: LYDIA!

GOBgobGOB: LYDIA!!!

McLovin: LYDIA LYDIA LYDIA

TheWorldofMartinAmis: Goddess. Wish she’d get her boobs done though.

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: same! I’ve been waiting for years for her to get into xtreme body mod. Right up her alley. If she’s at EXXXOTICA EXPO next year I’m going to try to get her meet and greet and ask. I know tattoo guys who’d pay HER to give her first tat.

McLovin: Lydia wouldn’t go. She’s like indie transgressive.

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): nice to see you again lockSTOCK. I see your POV but Lydia has several interviews where she says most of her viewers see her bod as a clean palate in the art of pain – as in, wounds have to go away in order for us to appreciate a fresh ruining ; ) tats and huge implants are a little tougher to work around. Anyway in my mind you can fix bad tits but you can’t fix bad attitude

ThatOneFootGuy: id suck her feet

McLovin: woah fuck 4th latex pic in dressing series with her mouth open and her eyes shut – who the lube guy with his arm right down her front?

SUCKPUNTER: lol hand clear to her pussy and hes not even hard faggot

McLovin: scope the ginger amazon in the background with camera – new girl? Don’t recognize. Didn’t know Ivan was bringing new people around this year’s sweeps.

LordJim: I wondered too when I saw. I’m sure DungeonMaster mod understands if I copy/paste following from Ivan (no pics, text w/actress info):

Newcomers are always welcome in RUBBER VALLEY (especially if they’re lovely, and especially if they’re ladies!) and this old goat is pleased to welcome DOMME LUX, our friendly neighbor down south in that little town called Chicago. Mysterious as she is alluring, you’ll see her shining light sampling tidbits of delight off our Valley Girls throughout the uploads this month (or even taking a crack at a couple!) We’re just getting to know her, but I have a feeling she’s a generous gal at heart as she kindly offered us the services of her Personal Valet, Jules DeMarco, who himself spoiled us all year with devious latex devices for our steadfast daring dollies after the unfortunate 2012 passing of our beloved torture designer Merrick Marvel (memoriam post 03/04/2012). Check out Jules’s Half-Bag Breast Mummifier in scheduled post 7/22 (Heather Bunny in the inverted Wench Wrench) the diabolical Arachnae-Hood (Lacey Jane, spinning in our trusty Landscape(her) Rolling Pin 7/16) and the Double-Fuck Full Body Boa Binder with eerie inflatable bubble hood (Lydia Sucks, finale post 7/31, don’t miss it, SUBSCRIBE). I must confess, we took advantage - the poor fella ran himself ragged helping us with film prep all week. So as an apology we let him get up close and personal with Rubber Valley’s reigning heroine LYDIA SUCKS fitting her in a custom four-limb black latex catsuit with half-face hood, made especially for her brave beautiful bod. He takes a good long time greasing her up before Ivan and Barry get her hoisted and joisted and in her best bitch-bat position among the rafters of the exalted Rubber Valley barn, where we leave her to squirm in terror! (but let’s get real – what scares Lydia? We’re wracking our brains!) Uh-oh, is Domme Lux looking jealous in the background? Is she plotting a little comeuppance for our Lovely Lady Lydia? Only one way to find out – SUBSCRIBE!

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): Np lordjim, if you hadn’t posted I was going to. Looks like we’ve got fresh meat in the valley.

TheWorldofMartinAmis: very pretty girl, but always bummed when a new one turns out to be top. Call me old fashioned, I come to the Valley for slaves.

SUCKPUNTER: firecrotch

GOBgobGOB: brb too busy crankin it. milky gingerbread titties come to daddy

McLovin: @TheWorldofMartinAmis, Ivan always has at least one femdom around. Room for everybody in the valley

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: holy shit I know that guy.

SUCKPUNTER: lmfao faggots know faggots

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: no for real. His real name is Jules Marinelli. I worked with him one summer lifeguarding beaches for the park’s district. Our boss found his website where he sells his sex stuff, and it was this whole big thing. Found the kink club Entrance through that (check it out if you’re in my hood ever – huge, clean, not too much gay shit, great ladies of all stripes hanging around, but limits on drinking if you’re trying to access certain levels). He’s bi. He’s either secretly Domme Lux’s slave or Domme Lux is his slave and it’s mega on the DL because it’d hurt her career if it got out she could ‘verse. There’s all this gossip.

SUCKPUNTER: bi guys r fags

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): SUCKPUNTER – that’s strike one. lockstock – not deleting your post because from what I can see JDM doesn’t/isn’t acting in explicit scenes, but let’s cool it with doxxing info. Looks like he’s had an experience with that before, and as a small business owner myself, I know how it can suck. We aren’t gossiping high school girls. Settle back and enjoy what Ivan gives us.

GOBgobGOB: *sees dudes in the chat and stops jacking off*

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: NP mod, feel free to delete it later before it causes problems.

TheWorldofMartinAmis: going back to previous discussion – don’t think a breast job automatically constitutes body modification

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): think about it martinamis, it’s a slippery slope – you want to see some swollen battered fish get destroyed, or a fresh natural girl get destroyed?

SUCKPUNTER: i am not a faggot and a whore’s a whore and im here to see whores fucking destroyed

GOBgobGOB: *tony soprano voice* she was a HOOOOER

SUCKPUNTER: fag or cunt all whores get fucked

LordJim: Mod, step up. This isn’t going to get better. With all due respect

SUCKPUNTER: fag or cunt ALL WHORES GET FUCKED

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): yeah, already done. That should be the last of him. Don’t know why I expected that situation to turn out differently.

  FROM: [email protected]

TO: [email protected]

Subject: Debrief – valley week

Jules,

As discussed, attached is current info for my old webmaster service from when I had to run my own fansite. Decent price and decent vendor system. Can only be an improvement on what you have now. That is not an insult, but I know it sounds like one. Stay with me.

[link] [link] [link]

And above, the top three most trafficked boards I’ve found following my own career and the rubber valley gang. We’ve caused quite a stir already and its only July 15th. I wouldn’t count on this causing an uptick in your business, but I think you know that. The standard gentleman at home spending twenty bucks a month for guaranteed links to a woman being fucked inside out while wearing a sensory deprivation hood simply doesn’t translate him to spending 100-200 dollars, contacting a seller, taking measurements, and going through the effort to order he and his special girly the hood itself. But I know you believe you’ve chosen your life the same way I believe I’ve chosen my life and won’t whine. I will say, if your ego is bruised, that your clothes are wonderful. They feel maybe half like death. I’ll wear them again and again.

On a funnier note: I have accounts myself on all the above message boards and post semi-regularly. It might amuse you to do the same thing, but you need to be careful regarding your identity. Feedback from viewers is never relevant, but it needs to be pure (don’t ask me why – my brains are fucked out). I won’t tell you who I am, and you won’t tell me who you are. Maybe we’ll find each other.

I wouldn’t tell your Cathy, since some sensitive (if inaccurate) information is flying around. Your instinct towards privacy, while cute and old fashioned, is an apt instinct. Looks like the good people of Chicago can’t keep their fucking mouths shut. Will you be able to find a straight job if your work now goes up like a dead dog’s gut? Don’t despair. Your nice long cock dropped so well down my throat while your Cathy beat my clit with the edge of your belt (nice touch – whose idea was that?) so while you might not get another chance to perch in a lifeguard’s throne, you might very well have a future in film. You’re vigorous, discrete, disciplined, clean, and a cutie-pie. Have your Cathy make some films of you alone or you two together. It’ll excite her, so you have no choice but to be excited yourself. You’re excited reading this. You believe you chose this.

Anyway – Cathy! Don’t be insulted on her behalf. I loved playing with you both. She’s kind and a lot of fun, which are virtues I still let myself appreciate in others. Let her know I appreciate how she let me use you. She’s a good girl and has a good future in store, especially with her personal valet running her life. Pick her outfits, pick her makeup, pick her clients, pick her laundry soap – is it already like that? I want to be buried alive, but you want to be buried in chores. Please dream big, Jules.

Rubber valley is where I have the most fun out of all the shoots I have in a year, but I really was lucky that you two showed up. Poor old Merrick Marvel (not even that old – colon cancer). But out with him and in with you. I enjoyed our river talk and I felt very safe in the car with you at the wheel, though I know I tormented you a little (but I’m pretty sure Cathy helped you out later with that – will you write back to me what she did to you, and if she let you come?) At one point you were with Ivan in the garage, and I tried to have a little talk with her about oblivion, but she either understood my point and got scared, or simply didn’t understand. It’s unfortunate, kind of soul-sucking, how our dominant “loved ones” transform into necessary evils. Adjust the tube. Grasp the handle. Move the thigh. Use the vocal cord to form the order. But what do they know? I never knew how to explain.

I’ve attached some personal pictures of me. I like knowing that you have them. I won’t contact you again except under strict business purposes, so let me sum up. Serve Cathy well. Don’t let her get bullied. Flourish creatively. Keep that belt. Fuck as often as your body commands you to fuck (if I suspect that sometimes your body is Cathy’s body by proxy, then this number will double, perhaps triple, but the choice is out of your hands because she owns your cock). You have a lot of growing up to do. Don’t despair. More to come.

We won’t see each other soon, but we’ll see each other again. Ciao! 

I expect improvements.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Lydia S

#SAFEWORLD #unto itself but also sneak peek at rubber valley sequence #inspired solely by all the fetishwear providers on etsy that exist #Jules being relentlessly sexually harassed on the internet: this is normal and doesn't bother me. guess im built different

[pechebeche]

I hate to reopen closed wounds but would you mind telling us what happened with the d20 stuff? I understand it was something about ppl not liking the fact that u made nsfw content (which honestly doesn’t sound like a big deal to me) but learning that that you were harassed off the fandom makes me go ??? I am very confused it’s literally not that deep why did they do this

I know I’m like a year(?) late to all of this but I’m really upset I honestly hope you’re in a better place and know that I love you and support you and they’re shitty people who don’t deserve anything and trust that they WILL have karma at their throats when they least expect it.

Wish I was online at the time, I can only send love and prayers your way :( <33

I've been sitting on this ask for a week or so now, trying to decide how - and whether or not i even should - answer it.

thinking too much abt my harassment inevitably causes me to spiral. what remains from that time is impossible for me to look at without going off the deep. it doesnt really feel fair to expect people to believe me without evidence when thats...why i was harassed in the first place.

but also, and maybe more importantly. i have seen firsthand that it does not take much for people on the internet to decide you are subhuman and deserve to be treated as such. i would never, ever wish for anyone to be treated the way i was, including the people who treated me that way. as difficult as it is for me to remind myself some days, many of the people who harassed me probably genuinely thought they were in the right and doing a moral duty, and just didn't fully grasp that there was a person on the other side of the screen.

if i have any sort of audience that i dont absolutely know and trust, i dont think i can, in good conscience, name some of the people who mistreated me, and some of the ways in which they mistreated me, in a public sphere. i just can't. i don't trust the internet enough.

(if i sound morally righteous abt this, its because i absolutely am. i am extending more respect and kindness to the people who hurt me in this moment than they ever extended to me. i am bitter and miserable about the fact that after everything they did to me, it is still my responsibility to be the bigger person. i'm never going to get closure. i am going to have to take some of the things they said and did to my grave. i'm allowed to be angry about it.)

what i WILL say is that, in interest of objectivity, when the callout post was originally made about me, it was not just about my nsfw content, but about racism. i've outlined these allegations here. (there is one allegation i left out here because it was on twitter instead, and because it took what i said so far out of context that i remember looking at it and having a full moment where i thought i was straight up dreaming and would wake up because i couldnt believe anyone was twisting my words that hard and not getting called out on it.)

i will also say that i'm sure the original callout post is still up and that, helpfully, it included links on the wayback archive to posts i had made which either were inconsistent with or directly contradicted the call out! (im never gonna get over the note about how i had never apologized that linked directly to an apology) if you’re willing to search it up, it may provide greater insight both into my bias, since obviously i naturally see my own side of the story, and into theirs.

i have never argued that my insensitivity was justified, and i dont want anyone to twist my words to pretend i am. what i am saying is that it was unfair and cruel to turn my unawareness into a public spectacle to be mocked. my actions may have been exaggerated or made up, but the core of it is that even if i had been that terrible, there was no excuse for turning what could & should have been a learning experience that i could improve from into an excuse to, put simply, bully someone out of a space. not once was i approached with these issues or had them explained to me privately before i was publicly denounced as unforgivable and refusing to learn. neither the poster nor any of my endless harassers, nor any of my friends who reblogged the post without bothering to tell me about it, didnt even link me in the post itself; i had to SEARCH IT UP. they were not interested in teaching me or my followers. they were interested in isolating me and forcing me out of their fandom by any means necessary, including my death. that is not an acceptable way to treat people who have not committed Actual, Physical Crimes. that is not the type of activism we as a society should encourage.

i hope that one day i will be able to give a more complete picture. but it isn't today. i'm sorry i couldn't be of more help.

#asks #anon #harassment tw #thank you for the kindness <3

[mnogorgannik]

2 10 n 11 :)

this is basically an essay im so sorry. watch how hard i can infodump (ill put this under a cut hopefully it works bc sometimes tumblr decimates the keep reading things if theyre in asks)

2. Who’s your favorite of the Bound? What do you think of the different ideologies they have? Which of the factions are you most aligned with?

WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER I AM A PETER LOVER THROUGH AND THROUGH!!!!!! oh baby i love that morally questionable architect. pretty early on in getting into pathologic (it’s coming up on a year now...) i thought about peter stamatin too hard and now i’m here. but really i find him to be such a fascinating character!

the thing about pathologic that i love is how almost every character can be as complex as you want. pathologic does an excellent job of implying a lot of character traits while only exploring some in further detail, which in some games is frustrating but patho does it so well! it consistently hints at traits and lets you fill in the details yourself. peter’s character is extremely interesting to me... and maybe a little more relatable at times than i want to admit lol.

i think i’ll talk about both stamatins though! their dynamic hurts me a lot. i’ll start with andrey bc i’ve been thinking about him lately. although i’ll bounce back and forth between both stamatins.

i’ve said this before but i’ll say it again.... andrey’s role as a protector who inadvertently hurts the people he cares about really gets to me. he is not a shield but, in his own words, a battering ram. and the problem is that battering ram has a recoil.

i have to wonder how that mentality of his came about, anyways. the implication is that it’s always just been him and peter, so did he take on that role because there wasn’t anyone else to do it?

in his efforts to protect peter from... military, i believe, he kills four people. which leads to daniil getting mistaken for andrey, which leads to daniil getting shot. and almost dying. he protects peter but to a smothering extent, peter even says he’s been suffering for ten years bc of andrey which is a LOADED line. he protects on a physical level but he kinda fucks up on the emotional.

there’s a horrible irony in peter and eva being the people he cares about the most and both attempting suicide. with eva once she’s missing he immediately goes running off trying to look for her, and . ahh i can’t remember right off hand what exactly he thought happened. but ik he was probably expecting a fight. with peter he says that after that he’ll never let peter leave his side, at least “as far as his knife can fly”... it sounds cheesy but the one thing he can’t save anyone from is themself.

and god the way andrey bases his ENTIRE sense of self worth on peter fucking hurts. they’re not peter and andrey, the architects. they’re Peter And Andrey, The Architect. (thinking about “one architect, two brothers” here.) andrey thinks he’s larger than life and all but he’s constantly living in peter’s shadow. their theatre of death positions come to mind here, with peter standing up, looking down at andrey. but andrey is on his knees in front of peter, arms limp to his sides.... separated by a wooden beam...

peter’s side of this dynamic is fascinating too. his dependency on andrey is. ow. leaving all practical matters and decision making to him... there’s this resentment (That’s Fine I’ve Been Suffering For Ten Years Because Of Him) and lack of communication that especially shows through for him.

while in p2 andrey completely crumbles if peter dies, peter doesn’t seem to care...... at all....?? which hopefully is elaborated upon in p2. he’s willing to talk to aspity about worrying if andrey is angry with him but he can’t bring it up with andrey himself. when he asks how andrey is doing he stops and says andrey is a “tough man” and can handle anything. in general, while it’s definitely there for andrey, themes of dependency are really glaringly obvious for peter.

one of my favorite peter things i’ve talked about before is still his ego!!! peter has a gigantic ego!!! he really does think that even though he’s hit the ceiling and can’t go any further he is still “a true architect” and “the rock upon which is built the stairway to tomorrow”. he has a blunt edge to him and he doesn’t ever tell you more than he thinks he needs to which i love. if he doesn’t want to tell you something he isn’t gonna do it. this is a character trait i think ppl miss which is sad because it’s so good and adds another layer of depth to him!

it really does hurt me how he’s valued for his mind alone (AHEM AHEM AHEM. GEORGIY) but it’s the thing nobody understands about him. i’m nowhere near as smart as peter lol but i do know that pain of feeling like none of your ideas can be understood because you just can’t express them the way you’d like, and then feeling like you’ll never be able to make it happen.

also, here’s a little thing  i’ve picked up on. this connection probably doesn’t exist but i’m making it because the stamatins make me lose my mind and start becoming one of those people who looks for connections in everything i guess. peter standing in the theatre of death, andrey below him. peter’s loft being at a high point in the town, the broken heart being underground. peter’s loft is also higher north on the map but the broken heart is lower south. just smth interesting

i have more thoughts on them of course! but this is all getting awfully long. i feel like i’ve only just gotten to the tip of the iceberg  even though i’ve written so much skfjskfjs this just feels quite surface level or. at least what is surface level for me who thinks about the stamatins so hard.

anyways i’ll keep my answers to the other two parts of this question quick! peter and andrey’s more creative vs practical mindsets are rly neat. especially because i would actually argue peter is a little more grounded in reality in certain aspects. not all, but certain ones...... their take on the utopian ideology is interesting. hot take: peter’s version of utopianism leans a tad towards humility. and andrey /does/ feel “straightforward utopian” but i think in certain regards? this man has a bit of a termite streak..... (hi al if you’re reading this). but i won’t get into that right now i’ve already gone on so long. saving that for later.

i think all of the factions kinda suck in their own way sometimes, honestly? although all of them are well written and have their pros and cons. were i in pathologic and i had to choose one i’d probably be a termite but everyone around me seems to think i’m a utopian. is it bc i love peter so much

10. What would you be like as a Pathologic character?

this question is a hard one! i did make a self insert once, mile-a-minute, but they’ve become their own oc by now. i think i’d be very...... very afraid...... probably isolating myself why does every pathologic character break quarantine???? also you could trade beetles with me :) thats about all i’ve got sorry this is real short

11. What is something you would change, writing-wise, about either game?

UGH i’ve been gushing about pathologic because. obviously i love this game so much. but the way it handles racism & such (in both games!) leaves much to be desired :/

i see a lot of the points it’s trying to make but i think the way they’re handled can be very messy. there are moments that work very well but. a lot that don’t. (i am aware that dybowski writes partially from his own experiences)

all too often the game “validates” the kin’s oppression and... at times paints them as oddly antagonistic? i don’t like how often as artemy you’re able to be like “i’m not one of those beasts” and i think there are better ways to touch on his internalized racism. in general the constant comparisons to animals is weird. you get big vlad who is obviously explicitly racist comparing them to animals, but then sometimes it’s like “ACTUALLY calling them animals is fine :)”

i think the herb brides are kind of. Hm. in their portrayal. also using parts of the buryat alphabet to denote an accent is weird. making odongh and herb brides inhuman is weird. connecting the kin to Magic is weird.

and, listen, i’d really like to not be playing Artemy Burakh Experiences a Microaggression Simulator every time i’m playing the haruspex route. hate that you either can’t call ppl out on their shit or if you can it ends the conversation/bars you from getting necessary information. glad you at least get to drag the vlads, i guess?

i also was talking about this but wrt peter specifically, and this issue is present throughout the game but it’s especially visible with peter, i don’t like how often you can mock him for his addiction.

he’s obviously in an extremely rough patch! being able to be just so plain cruel to him about the dependency on alcohol (and iirc in p1 hallucinogens, bc aglaya mentions it) he’s formed to cope with his mental illness & trauma just feels bad. especially because yes it is not a healthy coping mechanism at all but... it still is a coping mechanism, if that makes sense?

the way you’re able to constantly rub it in his face feels awful. peter is fully aware that it isn’t good for him and shows a desire to quit. even if he didn’t it would still be awful to say because. it’s just insensitive. like you don’t just go up to someone and keep being like HEY YOU DRINK A LOT YOU SHOULD STOP DOING THAT DO YOU KNOW WHAT WATER IS? feels really bad to keep harping on something that causes him pain and that he struggles with every single day.

however peter does have moments where he tells you Not to say that, or if you pry into why he drinks he’ll outright say he doesn’t remember you being his friend, which is better than nothing.

in p1 moreso than p2 i hate how you can be like oh he’s craaaazy he’s off his rocker he’s delusional!!!! that “why, i never... an architect of schizophrenia!” comment sticks in my mind because it’s just... so genuinely mean. especially because if i remember correctly that line is from when he’s planning on LITERALLY FUCKING BURNING HIMSELF ALIVE

i think if they were going to have all of this they should have gone more in depth on how it’s really. not good that he’s treated so poorly. and i do believe that’s what they were going for, a la the art book w/ the whole “not to be made into a drunken clown, this is a tragic character”, etc. but it just doesn’t land. i’m holding out for the bachelor and changeling routes in p2 to see if they expand upon any of it but i highly doubt i’ll be satisfied in this regard.

i stand by the One time it was really fucking funny to clown on peter being the time you can tell him little girls eat raspberries and earthworms and he just believes you

#asks #patho #GODDDDDD #i hope you wanted to read an essay today

[videostak]

I think it’s really important for women to have positive relationships/connections with men when possible to just really help make the world seem less scary and divided. I’m horrible at phrasing this cause like I know that it’s already hard to rly make connections with ppl and men are scary and dangerous so of course we have to be as safe as possible and should always take the most care when meeting ppl but I think it’s always good to make friends when possible especially when they come from a different background than you. Like to have a friend who is a guy even if u dont talk to guys often. friends are really great and It’s def hard to meet guys who are nice and kind and it’s also just hard to meet ppl at all who we really connect with but i think we should try to always get out of our comfort bubble in a safe way and make connections with ppl different from us but are still kinda like we are and share the same/similar morals as us and like arent evil dicks or anything.. I don’t know i just think it’s really awful how a lot of these terf blogs talk about the relations between gender because they really don’t have anything to say in regards to actually moving forward. like they don’t talk about what to do next and how to actually dismantle patriarchy. they just sorta say that they want a matriarchy and then  talk about cutting ppls dicks off... like im sorry but saying that u want everything reversed is not an actual solution and the fact that u run a whole blog abt this is kinda quite sad. Like we should be confronting men abt these problems and inspiring change from men as opposed to making our circle smaller. Like i am 100% positive that regardless of how much changes during my lifetime, the majority of men in the world will be shitty creeps by the end of my life but I think it’s important that we try to make connections with kind men where possible. we shouldnt live our whole life scared in isolation. We obviously arent gonna relate to men the same way we relate to women and we never will but we can atleast attempt to break down these gender roles that have binded us and make it so that we can relate to one another like humans are supposed to. thats the problem with terfs is that they really don’t do much to actually break down gender roles, While many of them don’t perform femininity, they also try to reinforce the line of gender whenever possible. Like yes we need to talk about how priveliged cis men are and how easy life is for them and how they will never experience the fears and traumas that women experience but we cannot continue to isolate ourselves like this cause we’ll never be free this way. I still think that interracting with men is a very dangerous and scary thing but i want to live in a world where women are strong and know how to protect themselves while also having positive relationships with men whether it be their friends or coworkers or classmates or anyone really. I just hate this violent world we live in and wish it would all stop. >_< like we all live such cold lives and even before covid have very little interaction between ppl aside from those within our close circle of friends and i just wish the world wasnt a scary place and wanna do everything in my power to make life more enjoyable and i fkn hate ppl who are more concerned abt using information to push some very specific narrative as opposed to trying to make life more livable for those who are suffering.

#i rly wish i was better at wording things cause i prob couldve got my point across in way less words and it sounds more like venting than it #does an actual statement #i guess it is kinda venting #i just hate infighting so much

[hwangskz]

in another life (pt. 1) | soulmate! minho

part 1 of the uwma! au series !!!! i was so excited to get this up bcs, if u hadn't realised alrdy, i LOVE uwma with my entire heart :( (ps if any of u watch any bls or even just uwma pls hmu thank u) and pls read this post b4 or after ur done reading this fic so u don't get confused in the next part!! +++ tw suicide !

• "y/n….do u like him?"

• ur automatically reminded of the time u first met

• u remember it as clear as day

• u both had taken film as ur major and on the first day, ur college held a lil gathering

• u picked up the nearest headband and read it's label

• 'belle'

• so….were u supposed to find ur beast now???? JSGSSHE THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID

• BUT UR RUNNING OUT OF TIME !!!!!!

• "10 seconds to find ur partner!!!!"

• u looked around bcs u were NOT standing in front of that huge crowd, later trying to find ur partner

• when a boy caught ur eyes

• he stood on the side, his hand limply holding the blue headband as he looked around

• and he looked ?? sad :( ??

• "last 5 seconds!!!"

• u turned around one last time and ?? EVERYONE HAD FOUND THEIR PARTNERS ALREADY??

• so u RAN towards that boy

• and caught him off guard as u pulled him down to sit on the ground as the announcer continued talking and giving out future tasks 

• "hey."

• "???"

• wow this boy is worse than YOU at communicating

• "are u sure we're partners??"

• "..."

• "right, yea. i was the one who dragged u..haha..sorry.."

• so u pulled his hand up to view his headband

• 'prince adam'

• u probably looked really confused rn bcs u just made the guy speak up

• "beast."

• u looked up, OBVIOUSLY confused

• this new voice box working??? wonder whose it is

• ":o huh?????"

• he sighed and held it up for u

• thank u nameless boy bcs ur hands kinda WERE getting tired JDKHD

• "prince adam is the real name of the prince in disney's beauty and the beast."

• ":OOO REALLY???? wait but how do u know"

• "..... google?"

• "... RIGHT sorry haha"

• even after the lil gathering ended and u got to go to ur class

• ur mind was still thinking abt the guy

• u probably didn't even notice u had entered the class w that DULL ASS look until

• "ouc- WHO THE F-???????"

• "still in ur dreams?? lmao dumbass"

• ":O SHIN RYUJIN"

• "this group needed the following of a sane person so im here too. hello to u too, y/n"

• "MISS YEJI??? PEOPLE THAT I KNOW AND CHERISH????? ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ OMG HELLO TO U TOO"

• and there it was, once again, ryujin trying to get ur over affectionate ass off of her as yeji laughs 

• well iN UR DEFENSE, U MISSED UR BEST FRIENDS AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE TERRIFIES U

• and when u take a seat

• u can't help but follow the movements of the boy who enters the class

• his moves aren't rushed; they seem calm. too calm.

• and that's when u hear all the whispers around u

• "is that blood on his shirt? is he already following in his dad's footsteps?"

• ‘what footsteps?’

• "i heard he dragged his partner today for the freshman gathering today?"

• ‘but i was the one who dragged him..then how-’

• "y/n?"

• "h-huh?" 

• yeji's third call woke u up from ur train of thoughts

• "are u ok?"

• "yea.. i'm fine. dw!!"

• "see i told u they’re thinking abt their fantasy boys and/or girls again it's fine"

• "WH- EXCUSE ME I DON'T FANTASISE!!!!!"

• "yes y/n l/n i totally believe that"

• "SHUT UP RYUJIN"

• ur group's laughters echo in the room, along w the other friend groups'

• except for that boy who now sits in front of u

• u wonder if he's waiting for his friends

• but they never seem to show up

• even though it's alrdy been over 5 months now

• and that pretty boy in front of u is DISTRACTING u from the lesson (๑•ૅㅁ•๑) !!!!!

• and this one particular day..yeji and ryujin were absent..

• so u were kinda lonely anyways

• and hearing ppl continue to whisper abt that guy..it made u wanna talk to him again

• u don't know exactly why ?? but u did

• so u gathered up ur stuff from ur desk

• and sat at the desk next to his

• and immediately u could hear the whispers getting a bit louder

• and he ducked his head and turned towards u

• and u decided to ignore those words, and looked at him, with a bright smile on ur face

• "don't worry about them. i'm here now."

• it was something abt u

• something abt those words that made him feel some type of way

• he took in a deep breath as he looked down and then looked at u again

• "......thank you, i guess"

• u nodded and he turned towards his work

• a small smile on his face

• he had found someone

• "so?"

• ryujin asked u, bringing u back from ur flashback

•"yea..i think so.."

• yeji and ryujin sighed

• ur mind : ALERT

• IS IT BAD??? THAT U LIKE HIM???? (๑´╹‸╹`๑) ??

• "y/n...do u not know abt him..?"

• "(o゜ー゜o)??"

• they share a Look and turn towards u, worried looks on their faces

• OK YEA IT PROBABLY IS,,

• "he's the son of a mafia... that's why ppl talk abt him in such..hushed tones..and basically isolate him"

• "and look y/n..we know that isolating him is truly bad, but maybe get a little away? from him? what if u get involved in smthg bad?"

• u...ur honestly a lil shocked

• not fully by the news that his dad is a mafia

• but by the fact that they think something bad can happen when ur with him

• with HIM

• "but it's his dad who is a mafia. he's not at all like that !! he's a bit shy, and is just scared to express himself. and don't worry, yeji. i am not going to get myself in trouble"

• they muttered an "okay" and leaned back against their chairs again

• "but wait.."

• ryujin spoke up again

• "when did u even hangout w him? enough to, well, get feelings for him?"

• "uh well..that day both of u were absent, i went and sat w him in class..then shared some of my lunch w him when i saw him on the rooftop..and kind of having been bringing him lunch and staying w him..during that time.."

• they laughed, and u could feel the tension easing away

• "never knew y/n's a dom lmao"

• "they seem like a switch tho"

• "SHUT UP"

• and so u did join the guy 

• (who's name u had learned to be lee minho)

• whenever u found him to be lonely

• and even tho minho seemed to be against the whole idea of u joining him all the time

• trust me he's a whole softie inside

• he just ;;;; he gets so happy whenever u come by

• and not just bring him lunch

• and not only during lunch breaks

• but all the time

• whenever he passes by u

• u always greet him, and 

• wave at him and u just feel like a shield from everyone and all the bad things everyone says and he just

• he can't thank u enough

• but it's not just that

• and he knows that

• even when he sees u coming towards him in the library

• sneaking in some food bcs it IS lunch

• so technically u ARE supposed to bring him food

• "hey !! :D"

• u take the chair in front of him

• and take out the food, both of urs, and shove his one towards him

• "WHY-"

• minho shushes u and u turn around to look if u made anyone else angry

• and perhaps...... u DID.... AJSBBE

• so u just duck ur head as an apology and the furious students go back to studying

• "why are u studying rn???? it's lunch!!!!!"

• "ok and??"

• "rest is important!!"

• "what makes u think i haven't rested enough alrdy?"

• "well i've seen u w the book the ENTIRE DAY ??"

• minho sighs, but then perks his head up

• "u..u watch me..?"

• "!! im not a STALKER-"

• minho shushes u again and ur pretty sure the other students r staring daggers at u rn JDVSJE

• "-im not a stalker,, ur in my class.. right in front of me.."

• minho chuckles silently at ur words

• "sure"

• u were flustered until u realised u just

• u just made the biggest tsundere chuckle

• c h u c k l e

• "did u just …….. chuckle at me…….."

• minho looked down, scared to meet ur eyes bcs shit ur rite

• "no…….what makes u think that………"

• u giggle at his failed attempt to delete that successful moment from ur memory

• minho smiles a little

• he was so happy

• even tho it was abt u

• even tho u had made it CRYSTAL CLEAR that u like him

• like at random times u would be like

• "damn i can't believe i fell for u"

• or

• "oh good lord!! i always try to hangout w the guy i like but he pretends to not like spending time with me!!!!!!! what did i do to deserve this !!!!!!"

• and in these situations what does minho do??

• LAUGH .

• he LAUGHS

• just a bit bcs he's still under that tsundere cover JSGSJSB

• but like !!!!!!! in his defense !!!!!!!

• HE DIDNT KNOW IF U TRULY MEANT IT !!!!!!!

• MAYBE U LIKE HIM JUST AS A FRIEND !!!!!!!!!!!!

• AND HE DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN THIS FRIENDSHIP !!!!!!!!

• that too w his first ever friend..................

• little did he know he was truly so engrossed in his thoughts that he had stopped eating and had been staring at the sky above for like ??? more than 5 mins now ??

• "MINHO ???????"

• he flinched and moved away a bit at the sound of ur voice suddenly piercing his thoughts

• "w-what"

• "bitch i thought u died or smthg...u have been staring above for so long pretty sure some flies even touched ur food and it's now UNHYGIENIC"

• his eyes met urs and, as if he got some idea, he suddenly kept his lunch box away to look at u

• "wait im pretty sure the flies didn't sit on the food!!!! it was a joke-"

• minho exhaled loudly before he spoke

• "y/n?"

• "yes…?"

• "can i ask u smthg…..?"

• "sure!!"

• minho inhaled sharply before continuing

• "do u ever feel uncomfortable? when ur with me?"

• u thought for a while, before giving him a smile and answering him

• "why would i? idk if ur referring to the rumors here...or if they're supposed to be involved here but...they don't affect me. firstly, i don't even know if ur dad truly is a part of the mafia-"

• "he is."

• minho was staring at u intently, wondering how u'll respond to this

• "well, uh, nice for him? i guess? but it's him right? not u? then there's nothing to worry about."

• minho shook his head as he tried to look anywhere but at u

• "but what if u ever get in trouble? bcs of me?"

• "that's on me. not u. and if it's through u, or if u ever get in trouble or smthg-"

• u picked his hand up, holding it tightly, which seemed to catch him off guard

• "-i will protect u."

• he could do nothing but give u a soft smile, before turning his head away

• and so did u bcs damn y/n since when did u become so confident huh JDVSJE

• so u decided to go for it

• "y/n, will u be my partne-"

• u gently pecked his lips before moving away real QUICK JSGEJE

• WAS HE ABT TO CONFESS ???????????

• WHY ARE HIS EYES WIDENED LIKE THAT?????????? DID U

• OH NO U DID SOMETHING WRONG DIDN'T U

• "i-i'm sorry….i didn't mean to-"

• and u looked up in time, only to see minho leaning in, before he connected his lips to urs

• it was a slow kiss

• it took u a while to get the fact into ur head that he's right here

• he is kissing u

• and so u snaked ur arms across his shoulders, as he held u tight, even closer

• and when u both pulled away

• both of u were flushed red

• and it did feel kinda quiet so u just

• "damn im glad we have lunch on the rooftop, huh"

• minho chuckled as he moved away

• "kinda ….. yes"

• and so for the next months u continued to tease him with this JDGSJS

• even tho yall are technically dating now uwu

• but he never tells u he likes u

• which is : frustrating

• bcs u !!!!!! UR THE BIGGEST OVERTHINKER EVER !!!!!!

• ENOUGH TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP !!!!!!!!!

• and the fact that EVEN THO he's ur bf and u KNOW it, u continue to be curious if he even likes u :(

• so u just slam ur spoon on the table

• which makes him look up

• "what? is the ramen too spicy?"

• u shoot ur head towards him, a pout on ur face

• "do u like me?"

• ".........what"

• JSHSKWKKW

• Y/N PLS

• "u never….u have never said u like me…...and yea sure im not supposed to question this bcs ur my boyfriend and i know that but im sorry i overthink alot and it's just me saying i like u all the time but not u and i just can't help but-"

• "i …….. i like."

• "huh?"

• u shoot ur head upwards at minho, who now gets up to keep his empty bowl in ur kitchen sink, with a grin along ur face

• "u heard me."

• and u wish u could still be as happy as u were on this day

• when he first confessed

• well, half-confessed

• but u couldn't be

• even as he stood in front of u, saying that he loves u

• and he's grateful for u

• u couldn't stop the tears that continued to stream down ur cheeks

• ur eyes could only focus on the gun that he held right beside his temple

• his dad used to send people behind minho whenever u two went on a date

• "he wants me to go on w his job after he resigns" minho had once told on one of ur dates

• "do u want to?"

• "no, obviously-"

• he held ur hand in his

• "i want to be with u"

• then why

• why was he standing there, with that gun

• that stupid gun aimed at his temple?

• today while u had closed ur eyes, wishing for something, like minho had told u when he brought that birthday cake for u out of nowhere while u and minho were having ur date

• u opened ur eyes when u heard a muffled voice screaming loudly

• only to find it was minho's

• which confused u when u saw the hand covering his mouth

• but surprised u, when u saw his dad standing right behind him

• he kept pulling minho away from u

• minho yelled, tried to free himself away

• but couldn't

• until u yelled at his dad to stop

• and minho dropped on the ground, with his wrists red from being grasped so tightly

• u went on and on abt how he has made minho feel and what minho truly wants

• u had shut ur eyes out of fear

• but u had opened them to see what minho truly wants

• death ;

• an escape

• from all of this

• and so he spoke one more time

• "y/n. remember, i love you, okay? i….i'll always keep my promise."

• and then, a gunshot.

• u weren't sure if time had stopped or if it was just u frozen

• but u could only hear a beep sound going in ur ears as his body dropped on the ground

• limp.

• and at once u leapt towards him, sobbing, u fell to ur knees, ur hands grazing his cheeks and gently hitting his chest

• "y/n…. i don't know how to go on…"

• he had told u this months ago, when u guys had been dating for abt 5 months then

• "minho, we'll always be together, no matter what. i, at least, will be there for u, always."

• minho had looked at u with tears in his eyes 

• he rlly was so stupidly in love w u

• "but what if i...die...someday?"

• u sighed and turned to look at the night sky

• at least none of his dad's assistants had found out abt ur place yet

• (thankfully)

• u turned to look at him again

• "then...i'll die too."

• so that's what u were gonna do

• u searched for the pistol, as u blinked several times to focus properly

• when u finally found it, ur hands shakily reached for it

• and then as u aimed it at ur own temple

• the last part of that conversation popped into ur head again

• "then, will we meet each other in next life?"

• minho thought abt it for a few secs

• "probably"

• u nodded

• "i once heard that...when u fall for someone at first sight, it probably just means that we're recognising our partner's soul from our past life….do u think that will happen w us? do u think we'll…. we'll recognise each other?"

• "...i hope so…."

• u both let out a stifled laugh

• and so u stick ur pinky finger out, asking for his 

• "minho."

• "yes?"

• "promise me."

• "promise what?"

• "promise that…...that we'll find each other.."

• minho was abt to argue w u but seeing ur lil pout

• he had no choice but to agree

• "promise."

• and so, another gunshot was heard.

#stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids minho #minho imagine #lee minho #minho #lee know #bang chan #chan #kim woojin #woojin #seo changbin #changbin #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #han jisung #jisung #han #lee felix #felix #felix lee #kim seungmin #seungmin #yang jeongin #jeongin #i.n #stray kids fic #in another life #minho fic