#and there’s no way in hell you can forgive joy for all the shit she pulled and not do the same for jerome | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rqgnarok · 1 year

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standing ovation - jamie tartt

fandom: ted lasso

wc: 2321

warnings: mentions of jamie’s dad and DV, spoilers for ted lasso’s mom city. reader uses female pronouns.

summary: reader sneaks into training grounds after richmond’s win against man city. seeing her is just what jamie needs.

author’s note at the end!

There’s something in the air.

Jamie’s pretty sure Will sprayed some lavender shit all over the locker room again but that’s not quite what he means– he’s said goodbye to every single one of his teammates and all the coaches– and the locker room is now his and his alone. He locks away his dad’s ghost by locking up his phone, the simple message doing wonders to finish lifting that weight off his shoulders.

He wasn’t at the game. Or maybe he was, Jamie realizes now that it doesn’t really matter. A part of him will never stop looking over his shoulder whenever he visits his hometown for his dickwad of a father, but the older, bigger part of him knows Coach was right– his motivation doesn’t come from hating his dad anymore and it doesn’t have to. His forgiveness is for himself, for the little boy that had to build a mask to save himself from his dad, and for the man he is today because of him– and because of his mum, Keeley, Roy, Ted, his teammates–

The standing ovation at the end was more of a benediction than he’d like to admit. Everything about his hometown made him feel prickly; like he was a virus the town was doing its best to reject, and other than his quick visit to his mom Jamie expected the whole thing to be a disaster. The kids on the street, the people on social media, the rude assholes in the bleachers– Jamie thought that was all he was gonna get. Blind, thoughtless hatred despite Jamie trying his best.

He remembers Roy getting a standing ovation on his last game, while Jamie was still wearing Man City blue. He’d been appalled, unable to discern the possibility of someone hating you so much they respected you. All he’d ever gotten– from his dad, rival teams, his own team– had been everything except respect.

But they’d clapped for him. They thought him deserving of something precious and somehow it feels like permission. He can play for himself. He can come home without his dad’s ghost belittling him for not turning out the way he expected him to.

Even Manchester hasn’t been home in a long time. Sure, his mom and Simon are there, but Richmond has his family, too– his friends, his teammates, his–

“Excuse me, I’m looking for my boyfriend. 5’9 not quite 6 foot, sexy as hell, the most fantastic football player to ever walk on Earth?”

Jamie’s lips involuntarily twist up as he glances at the door. (Y/N)’s a sight wearing her Richmond TARTT jersey, looking disheveled and flushed like the rest of the city probably is right now after their win tonight.

Jamie doesn’t give a shit about the rest of the city, though. At least not right now. He cares about his girl sneaking in (with Keeley and Roy’s permission and advice, probably) to see him, normal sleep schedule be damned.

He laughs, loud and unrestrained joy lighting up his features as he hobbles towards his girlfriend, letting himself be enveloped in a crush-tight embrace.

“Did ya watch it?” he wonders, forgoing his usual shy demeanor whenever (Y/N) praises him and just allowing his excitement to overflow, arms going around (Y/N)’s waist and hoisting her off the ground.

“Did I watch it, he asks,” (Y/N) scoff is downplayed by her big grin and the way she wraps her arms around Jamie’s neck as he spins her around, fucked up ankle be damned. “I couldn’t take my fucking eyes off of you, Jamie, oh, my God–”

She’s kissing him deeply, unable to contain her excitement.

“You’re so fucking brilliant,” she whispers against his mouth, her hands at the nape of his neck making him shiver into her embrace, unable to get enough. “Oh, Jamie, that assist– the entire play for Colin’s goal? Your goal–”

“It was for you,” he tells as he drops her off, cupping her face in his hands and cheeks hurting with how wide he’s smiling. “I couldn’t celebrate but it was for you. For you and me mum, you were with me on the pitch the whole time–”

He stumbles a little as he drops her on the ground and (Y/N) tenses in his arms. She looks him over, suddenly worried. “Oh, shit. Your ankle, dumbass, are you okay? Fuck, did I–”

“Angel,” the nickname has her melting almost immediately just like he thought it would, a five-word weapon he’s never gotten tired of wielding. (Y/N) pouts at him, still concerned, and Jamie can’t have that, he kisses the expression off her face immediately. It should be illegal for her to be sad, no, sir. “‘s not even a sprain. It was probably the panic of bein’ in the same place as me dad, to be honest.”

Something steely flashes through her eyes, there and gone in a second, at the mention of Jamie’s dad. (Y/N)’s never been anything other than kind about it, but Jamie doesn’t doubt she’d beat the old fart up if she were given the chance.

The thought only makes him smile.

“Did you? See him?” she wonders cautiously. She’s touching him again after her moment of hesitation over his injury, hands doing soothing motions up and down his sides. Jamie fights off a shiver.

“Nah,” he says simply as if the thought of crossing paths with him didn’t have him toeing the line of a panic attack the entire three days they were in Manchester. “I don’t know if he was there, and if he was, I didn’t see him. I don’t think I care anymore. It’s for the best, really.”

(Y/N)’s expression brightens, though they both know they’re not done talking about it. Jamie wishes it could be as easy as turning off his phone and forgetting about his dad, but his skin already itches a little with the idea of getting a text back from him. He’s also no doubt that (Y/N) will hold him throughout it all.

“I did see me mum.”

“How is my favorite Tartt?” she teases.

“Happy,” Jamie says softly, always the most important thing to consider when it comes to his mother. Ever since he was a toddler and he gained acknowledgment of his dad’s actions; after an especially gruesome argument that ended with his dad breaking a few photo frames and plates, stumbling his way out of the apartment, and slamming the door shut, Jamie would climb on his mom’s lap and wipe her tears as best he could with his tiny clumsy baby fingers. “Yeah, she was real happy. And for me, too. Even before the match, she was happy to see me, happy to… jus’ happy.”

“That’s good, sweetheart,” she threads her fingers through Jamie’s hair to keep it off his face, his headband lost somewhere in his lockers or amongst the rest of the dirty laundry. He’ll have to tell Will to watch out for it, he’s a little attached to it after the night he’s had.

Jamie’s usually not the one to believe in lucky garments or charms but– well. He feels pretty lucky right now; that (Y/N) saw some worth in him when they met and makes the choice to love him and come home to him, day after day, whatever the outcome may be.

(Y/N) looks at him adoringly like she knows what he’s thinking. “Did’ya get your wings back, then?”

Jamie grasps her hand in his and turns to kiss the inside of her wrist, only slipping a little bit of tongue. “Nah. They was never gone. All I needed was a little help to see.”

He frowns before (Y/N) can answer. “I was gonna say something stupid like ‘you’re me wings’ but that’s disgusting and I hate it. I would never say something like that. ‘m not Roy.”

(Y/N)’s laugh is surprised and comes deep from her belly. “Are you telling me Roy Kent’s a secret romantic?”

“Big old softie, that tosser,” he rolls his eyes. “He snuck you in for me, didn’t he? That’s all you need to know about–”

(Y/N) shuts him up with a kiss just because she can, and they’re both smiling too hard for it to be a proper one.

She says “He likes you. He’s proud of you. We’re all so proud of you,” while peppering kisses all over his face, landing on his cheeks, nose, temple, jaw, and corner of his mouth. “You’re so, so good, Jamie, I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” he says, because there’s not gonna be a single time in which she tells him that and he doesn’t reciprocate. “Mum said that, too. And Keeley and Roy. And Coach, too, I guess, in his own way. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without them.”

“I can’t believe I missed it,” (Y/N) pouts and beats herself up over it for the thousandth time. Jamie presses a kiss to the space between her eyes for the thousandth time in response. “I should’ve been there, I should’ve told my boss to go to hell–”

“You’re here,” he tells her, shaking her a little by the shoulders and looking her over like he can’t quite believe it. That she’s here in the locker room, in his life, loving him like he’s always desperately wished for but never thought he’d deserve. “What was I gonna do, put my dumb ankle into ice and sit alone in the dark?”

“‘m sure Roy and Keeley would be here drinking champagne with you if I wasn’t here.”

“And what could we be doing that is keeping them away right now?” he raises his brows, sneaking a hand down her back lower, lower, lower–

(Y/N) slaps his chest, though a gleam in her eye tells him she’s not saying no to anything. “You’re…” she drifts off.

He smirks cockily. “Unbelievable?”

(Y/N) shakes her head imperceptively. “Nah. I always knew you could do it. But you’re breathtaking, I’ll give you that. As if your ego needs it.”

Jamie’s mouth softens into a smile, soft and apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

(Y/N) frowns a little at the sudden shift in conversation. “Whatever for?”

“I’ve been a dick these past couple of weeks–”

He had. (Y/N) won’t let him admit it but he wasn’t lying when he told Roy he wasn’t doing well. Not eating, not sleeping, waving off (Y/N)’s concern with a little too cold shoulder. It made him feel a little too much like his dad, and that thought only dragged him further down.

It had been (Y/N) who suggested Jamie pay a visit to his mom while in town for the game, and when he’d mentioned this to her she’d smiled knowingly, ran a hand through his hair, and made him promise an introduction soon.

“You were anxious,” she corrects him with a shake of the head, won’t let him speak ill of himself when all he did was have a normal, human reaction to a very triggering situation. “And I’ve been worried about you but you don’t have to apologize, Jamie. Not to me, not in a million years.”

“Alright,” he says, soft and charmed. He soothes his thumb over her knuckles, featherlight. He looks down at their intertwined hands for a beat or two, gently swinging them back and forth. “Then can I apologize for shutting you out? I know you were only trying to help. I’ll do better next time at letting you know what I need.”

“And I’ll do better at listening,” she assures him with an indulgent smile, using her free hand to trace the Richmond crest of his shirt. “Look at us, communicating and shit.”

Jamie scrunches his nose in faux disgust. “Gross,” he says, but even the facade is too much to keep up when (Y/N) nudges his nose with hers. His lips tilt upwards against his best intentions, drunk on her presence and something inside his chest brimming with unstirred delight.

(Y/N) exhales against his mouth. She hasn’t been more than a few inches away from him since she came down to meet him, always touching him.

“What do you wanna do, huh?” she asks him, pulling at the bottom of his shirt. “Anything you want. We can go get some takeout from that burger place you like or maybe something fancier? We can go home and get some ice on that ankle–”

“It’s nothin’–”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” by that, she means when the team doctor gives him the all clear and he isn’t limping slightly with every step he takes. It’ll take a while but Jamie can take it, especially if any downtime comes with them spending the days together. She makes a questioning hum. “But we can do that tomorrow, then. Tonight, whatever you want. You’ve earned it.”

And Jamie does feel like a winner. Not only because of the three points they managed to steal from Man City but because he gets to come home to this. He gets to leave his dad behind in Manchester and his mom in safe hands, he gets to accomplish his dream for himself and the people that love him instead of trying to prove someone who hurt him wrong.

He gets to live for himself. Coach Lasso was right, him forgiving his father was the kindest thing he could do for himself.

“I want this,” he murmurs against her temple, breathing in the smell of her perfume and taking in the warmth of her body against his. “I got all I need right here.”

(Y/N) smiles and crowds even closer, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

A beat. Then–

“So that’s a no for a quickie in the locker room, then?”

(Y/N)’s laugh tastes like a standing ovation.

_________

precious little jamiebaby i hope i did you justice ily

i was ready to make an angsty peace about him but mom city left me craving to give him a moment of peace so ta-da! thank you so much for reading and letting me know what you think!

a reminder that commissions and asks are open!

masterlist / ao3 / ko-fi

#leo writes #jamie tartt #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x reader #ted lasso #ted lasso x reader #ted lasso imagine #roy kent #keeley jones #phil dunster #brett goldstein #juno temple #jason sudeikis

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mj3llyfish · 7 days

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Father!Adam + Daughter!Reader

Chapter 1: “Golden hour”

Ch.1

Warnings: Major grief, major character death(s), Family issues.

A/n: this just hurt to write 😭 Also I just wanna say Emily and Y/n aren’t together her, they’re just besties. I call my friends babe and refer to them as my girlfriends so I js put it here.

Readers POV:

It’s been weeks since the fight against hell. Dad still hasn’t returned, not home, not my phone calls, nothing. I tried calling Caine too but he hasn’t answered either, but I’m pretty sure he knows about it already.

*Knock Knock!!*

A quiet gasp leaves my lips when I hear the door knocking. Dad? Holy shit he’s here!! I quickly rush towards the door, slamming it open. Tears quickly form in my eyes, both from happiness and relief, he’s finally h-

Oh, it’s Emily and Sera. Emily doesn’t look too happy, that’s odd. Normally Emily looks happy to even exist, practically shaking with joy 24/7. But I get that she wouldn’t want to be smiling at a time like this.

“Hey y/n, how you’ve been holding up?” She asks with a concerned tone. I let out a sigh, stalling a bit before giving an answer “I’m doing alright” I shrug, attempting to hide the overbearing fear I’ve been holding for the past days. “May we come in? We just want to see how you’re doing, Caine has been busy for the past few days so we figured we’d drop by.” Sera insists, in her gentle and motherly voice. I guess it’d be nice to have some people over, especially at a time like this.

Third pov:

“So, what’s Caine been doing?” Y/n asks, “I’m sure it’s better than visiting your sister after your dad goes missin-“

“Y/n please!” Sera interrupts, almost angrily whilst Emily looks away shamefully. Sera sighs attempting to calm herself, “I know you’re angry, scared even, but Caine has been feeling the same way for weeks. He’s trying his best to find your father but luck hasn’t been on his side so far..” Emily stares into the table the 3 had been sitting on, while y/n looks away shamefully for saying such things about her dear brother.

Y/n looks back up at Sera, “F.. forgive me Sera. It’s just been, hard.” She says, asking for forgiveness as one does in heaven. “That’s alright,” Emily responds with a weak smile on her face “it hasn’t been easy for us either, your dad was a fun guy so now there’s sorta a sense of.. emptiness at the court.” Sera looks at the two, relieved that the tension has come down a bit. “Do you think Caine could use my help with finding dad? I’m sure I can help in some way! Please, I need to know if he’s okay.” Y/n asks desperately. But Sera isn’t sure about this. “Y/n, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be worried about your father. I mean, you seriously don’t look as fine as you think you do..” Y/n frowns at her response. “I think you should get some sleep, you look like you haven’t slept in days.” Sera suggests while Emily nods.

It takes a minute for y/n to respond, but she eventually comes to the conclusion that worrying about her father all week isn’t the healthiest thing to do.

Emily walks over to y/n helping her stand up from her chair, giving her a warm hug, Y/n’s cold body touching Emily’s warm arms. “It’s okay, we’ll find him babe.” She says smiling softly at her, y/n giving one back.

Flashback:

Adam lays on the soft clouds that is heavens land, staring at the sunset. He had been standing there for hours, completely still. “Dad?” Y/n says from afar, along with Caine. “Hey firefly’s..” He says to the pair, making a ‘cm’ere’ motion to them. The two oblige, sitting next to him.

“..you still upset about mom?” Caine asks, Adam looks down, tearing up a bit. “I.. I don’t know.” He says quietly. Y/n looks over at him with deep concern, “We miss her too Yknow, you don’t have to hide it.” She chuckles softly. But Adam’s feeling of loss felt different, like it was his fault, like he could’ve stopped it somehow. If only he was there, to stop Lucifer from giving her the Apple, maybe things would’ve been different. He remains silent, as his two sit there, waiting for a response of any kind.

Y/n and Caine look at the sunset that their father had just been staring at, “Mom liked the sunsets.. when we were alive.” Caine says trying to break some tension. “Yeah, she said she loved the way dad’s eyes turned golden when the sun hit them.” Adam looks over at y/n, a bit surprised, since this is something that he hasn’t heard before. “She said that?” Adam’s left over tears begin to flow down his cheek a bit, y/n looking as happy as ever, that her dad is finally talking. She missed his voice so much, “Oh right, I remember, she said it reminded her of oranges. Yknow, her favorite fruit.” Caine laughs.

Adam chuckles at the memory, it was like this but with Eve. And now, he’s able to recreate it with his kids, it was beautiful, the way the suns warmth hit them like a warm blanket. Y/n lays her head on his left arm, while Caine does the same, feeling the soft cloth that was Adam’s robe. “It’s okay dad, whatever we’ll go through, we’ll go through it together.”

Third POV:

Y/n wakes up from her long nap, both her forearms lying underneath her pillow while she slowly opens her eyes. The sunset shines through her blinds, touching her skin. She sits up, putting her tangled hair behind her ears, then staring at her window, remembering the time that her family, or at least what was left of it, was together.

She remembers how she always told her dad that it’s okay to grief, especially when you know that you’re not alone. But y/n was alone, or at least she felt like it. Sure it was always an okay to do, to mourn the loss of someone you loved, but what good is it doing so by yourself?

#Spotify #hazbin hotel #viziepop #x reader #hazbin hotel adam #adam hazbin hotel #fanfic #au #hazbin hotel sera #hazbin hotel emily #Caine #Caine hazbin hotel #adam #adam x reader

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squelchbug · 5 months

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wtf verified my email finally after 2 yeaurs turns out i been missing out on a lot of Interaction . any ways . CND posting at 5 am here’s my guy his name is Cacophony

no way in hell i can concisely summarize all his shit rn … unless

the basics : he’s a Yuanti Tiefling Monk, 7ft tall& 32yrs old rn. he was raised in Partirisvarati and as a child amidst a war he got tossed into a prison where he then had his hands cut off &eyes gouged out by brutes as punishment for getting caught attempting to steal a handful of seeds for his family’s farm . but don’t worry. he got better

hes blind , uses Tremorsense . knows Common & Bolidian (Partirisvarati native language. +because it’s funny, as this dialect is translated into Common, it gives him a cockney british accent). got acid blood & is venomous, but he’s too polite to use it for evil, until he isn’t . he is a goofy goober(walking murderweapon) but alas, is a creature of joy and whimsy at heart . he suffers w PunchDrunk syndrome& frequent tremors/seizures . wizardry antics grew his hands back and gave him an extra arm, thanks Dee . (hi Simon)

he spent ages 10-20in prison, 20-23on parole+ after escaping parole he met Krishika, Krissie for short, a Githyanki halfOwlin Warlock. bsf4lyfe. actualy, wrong, these two are insane . imagine if you would a psychological torment comparable to that of a paranoid mother hellbent on building a dynamic so codependent slash parasitic BOTH sides end up Killing & Dying for eachother(multiple times) each against yet fully within their own wills (i love contradictory!). Krissie… has issues and problems. her soul had been permanently shattered into three components, and due to some species complications , left her In-Between multiple states of being at once . Blah blah blah… autism to save for another day..All she wants is some god damn control in her life . enter sir scapegoat Cacophony, who’s only aspiration since gaining real freedom for the First Time In His Life , is to provide an unconditional support to any new friend he makes !! 😁😬.. Cacophony lets & encourages Krissie to use him as a vessel for possession, as at the beginning it’d benefited both of them, but overtime, Krissies state had worsened and too late she’d realized she had been taking advantage of Cacophony. Krissie is fueled fully on adrenaline and fear, and the moment she knew she done fucked up was a pivotal point for them both- a point of absolutely No return, Krissie decided Cacophony would be much safer in her grasp and at her command. She strikes a deal with a man named Soren Trouvaille to soulbind herself to Cacophony, turning them both functionally immortal , unless one kills the other half . glances around

….as a result of multiple decades worth of various forms of mental abuse Cacophonys biggest flaw remains to be how forgiving he is 🫶 or yk, better put, how willingly he will allow second chances to those he considers worth it. he’s done an awful lot of healing these last four years. i blame his lovely husband (Soren, Tabaxi/Orc Artificer/Cleric) and their weird daughter (Siobhan, Jackal Artificer)

more of them soon, i love them very much . love heart xoxo . their family is so perfect icant wait to talk abt them . yes i mentioned a Soren Trouvaille earlier and yes this is him ooo drama

what more to share on Cacophony… i don’t know how to go in depth with personality and morals even tho i desperately want to lmfao . Cacophony is such a hypocrite, and he genuinely doesn’t mean to be . he will formulate an opinion on you based off of the Whys and How’s of the situation rather than the What. absolutely describe him as understanding as he tends to dig to the root of the cause for Anything and fully hear you out,but as a professional hypocrite he Will abandon this method of he doesn’t like you 💀. he’s an extreme optimist, or as i like to call it, Delusional ! people like to accuse him for putting up a front, but i swear he’s just insane . he would be dead in the fucking gutters if he wasn’t , truly . aint he a sweetheart , though . ok i’d love to add more . but i am dying. gootbye

#ooo you wanna ask me about partirisvarati sooo bad #or the bolidian language #literaly any of this information i have approximately 7tons More information hiding behind it #this is five years worth of handcrafted from scratch lore #i am so autistic #dnd oc art #dnd fanart #dnd character art #cndposting #squelchocs #doodle dump #dnd infodump #oc lore #goodnight

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wellthebardsdead · 2 months

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((Devil Prince Falûne, good end))

———

Falûne: *grabbed the crown of Karsus before it could fall with the elder brain, his tadpole dissolving with its death allowing him to unleash his full power at last as his two wings split into 6, and his two horns form a crown of Cania spires along his skull twisting into a crescent moon across his brow* EVERYONE JUMP!

Astarion: *grabs his hand tight refusing to leave him behind* together!

Falûne: *nods and jumps with him as everyone else dives after them, his wings unfurling and taking flight as he activates the crown and casts fly, catching all of them within his range and swiftly grabbing hold of anyone who fell too quickly* WE DID IT!

Minthara: *clinging onto Karlach for dear life* thank hells for that.

Shadowheart: *clinging onto the other side of Karlach* don’t look down- don’t look down-

Karlach: WOOOOOOOHOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!! FUCK YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Gale: *holding onto Lûnes hand* Wyll?! WYLL?!

Wyll: *holding onto Lûnes tail* down here!

Astarion: *hugging onto him tight watching as the elderbrain falls into the sea* you’ve got me… *smiles at him fondly*

Falûne: *eyes glowing like the moon as he looks at him, returning his fond smile* only if you want me.

Astarion: *smiles pulling him into a kiss*

Falûne: *accidentally drops Gale in surprise* mm-

Gale: *wasn’t in radius to get hit with the fly spell, now plummeting to the water* HELP!!!

Falûne: SHIT! *dives after him taking Astarion and Wyll with him*

*a few hours later as everyone celebrates in the elf song*

Falûne: *Back in his usual tiefling appearance, sitting on his bed in the tavern and holding the crown of karsus. Smiling happily as he listens to his friends cheer with joy and triumph from downstairs, while also being filled with conflict… Knowing the crown is what’s allowing him and his uncle to keep the hells under their thumbs… but knowing Gale needs it for Mystras forgiveness too* …I’m sorry uncle… *sighs and gets up carrying the crown carefully to the door, only for Gale to stagger in* Oh! Gale! Perfect timing. Here. *holds it out to him*

Gale: *admittedly a little drunk but still sober enough to be aware* I?… the crown? What for? We went through all this effort so you could get it back, that’s the whole reason you stayed with us. Well, aside from being our friend and all, it’s yours.

Falûne: *tail nearly tying itself into a knot at being called their friend* I’m… im your friend?

Gale: what? Yes you’re my friend! Your our friend! All of us consider you our friend- well, Astarion certainly considers you more than just a friend but oh you know what I mean. Even that old sour face minthara is keen on you. Look if this is about my getting forgiveness from Mystra, don’t worry about it. I don’t want her forgiveness anymore.

Falûne: but, the orb?…

Gale: I’ll find a way to get rid of it… but I don’t want her forgiveness. I want an apology from her… you showed me the truth. How she- groomed me, then cast me aside and demanded I take my own life to satisfy her… you showed me I’m worth more than what she thinks of me. You value me for who I am, Gale Dekarios, not Gale of Waterdeep.

Falûne: … *makes the crown disappear back to the house of hope* you’re my friend, Gale. And I help my friends… I just need you to tell me what you want.

Gale: Well… I don’t think you can get me an apology from Mystra. But… can you get rid of the orb?…

Falûne: *sighs* Finally! I’ve been waiting for you to ask since you revealed it to me you dingbat! *snaps his fingers making the orb simply disappear from his chest* All gone.

Gale: *feeling it and the pain it had caused him simply vanish* I? Ha! It’s. It’s gone! Just like that… I’m… im sorry I didn’t ask sooner. I’m sorry for not trusting you sooner… I’m… im forever grateful to be your friend.

Falûne: *tail swishing happily* me too. I suppose we should go join the others before Karlach and Minsc drink the tavern dry.

Gale: ohhh yes. I just came up to get changed into something that doesn’t reek of sweat and brain goo. Where… did the orb go? If you don’t mind asking?

Falûne: hm? Oh don’t worry about that. The weave has been long over due for a new Mystra.

Gale: what?

*meanwhile*

Mystra: *watching from above* that wretched little bra- *turns around feeling the pull of the karsus weave behind her, right as the orb detonates* NO-

*also meanwhile*

Raphael: *placing a glass dome back over the crown as it appears back on the podium it was stolen from* Was it lamb Karlach enjoyed?

Korrilla: *writing a list of dishes planning on inviting Falûnes friends to dinner* Mutton chops I think? I’ll need to confirm that with lûlû. I do know Astarion loves the calamari from the elfsong though.

Raphael: hm. I never pinned him for a fan of seafood. Very well I’ll see if I can shake the recipe out of the cook.

#devil prince Falûne #Raphael bg3 #Falûne Tav #Falûne oc

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neverluckygoldfish · 4 months

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47 -

Lately I’ve been feeling a sense of peace within myself. It’s really nice but I can’t help but wonder when it will go away and I’ll be back to the me as I’ve always known myself: melancholy, aloof, insecure, anxious…

But what if it stays?

Been trying this new thing where I trust my intuition (my greater She) in how I behave, the decisions I make, the things I say. I’m starting to trust in myself to choose the right thing over what’s easy or simply status quo.

I have faith that if one door closes, a window will open. Because it always does.

While I don’t have it all figured out yet, not even close, I’m trying to relish each present moment - the joy of figuring it out.

Happiness is a choice, it’s a mentality.

Not to downplay my own struggles or past regrets/mistakes - but I have a lot to be proud of. I’m not perfect by any means but that is okay too. Because I continue to try, be open minded, stay unassuming, learn and challenge myself. I don’t give up on myself.

Even if I think I am, I’m not. Because I’m still here and I’m still taking on the next day.

Does this mean I’m a good person? Or does this mean I am just human, with all the complexities.

A big thing I noticed is that black or white thinking. I’ve had a hard time forgiving myself for anything really….because it didn’t jive with me “being a good person” or “being worthy”. I couldn’t be one without the other.

But then I’d forgive others in a heartbeat. Second chances? More like 3, 4, to infinity. Because I believe in the power of people changing. I’ve been trying to view myself as how I’d view someone else. I’m much kinder to others than I am to me.

Like I have it all ass backwards haha.

Now I realize that I have to cheer myself on. No one else will do it for me. And if I don’t, I’ll never get anywhere because I’ll always be too scared.

So if anyone is reading this, do what you need to let it all go. The expectations of what “should be”or how you “should be”. Scream in the car, delete that person from your friend list, go on a road trip by yourself, write affirmations on sticky notes and post them everywhere, cry your heart out, listen to your favorite song on repeat, throw yourself into your favorite hobby or start a new one, write all your worries on a piece of paper and burn it, break some shit then break some more shit, journal all your feelings on a random tumblr blog (haha), do something that scares you, make conversation with a stranger….I don’t know - just do something! Anything.

If it doesn’t work, do it again. And again. And again. Until it does.

Don’t worry if you look stupid or silly or uncool doing it. Do it for you. Forgive yourself for it all. You were and still are doing the best you could.

And don’t laugh at me when I say that because I used to make fun of all the people on social media who would say “X and X” solved all my problems and now I’m just this happy little leprechaun finding rainbows and gold everywhere. It’s not that simple but it also is.

Way easier said than done am I right *rolls eyes*

Know that you don’t have to have all the answers and you sure as hell don’t need to be perfect.

You are the one who writes your story so you get to decide who the main character is. Who you are. Who do you want to be?

As I’ve been healing, slowly but surely, people have fallen off. It really sucks to lose people. But the right ones have stayed & our relationships are so much sweeter and truer.

As I’ve accepted what I can do and what I can’t do, it’s been so freeing to feel like I’m not disappointing the world.

One day it will work. And then life will feel like magic.

Because lately, the thought that crosses my mind is: this is what it was meant to feel like all along.

#self love #healing #recovery #mental health #sobriety #healing journey #spiritual growth #love letter: my true feelings #love letter to myself #i am worthy of love #love your life #love yourself #love your body #inner peace #higher self #authentic self #authenticity #attitude of gratitude

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acewithapaintbrush · 2 years

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Okay, first, I need to say the latest chapter of "A Place for Crows" is amazing! Second, how do you think the ROTMNT family would get along with the Madrigals?

Ah thank you so much ❤️🦋

I think they would all be a little bit weirded out by each other, the Madrigals more so of course since the turtles are already used to more mystic stuff than just themselves. But they'd get over it quickly.

Mikey and Donatello would be obsessed with Casita. Mikey of course cause it's fun to play around, slide down the stairs together with Camilo and Mirabel and Antonio and stuff. Donatello cause he wants to know how it all works or rather how he can replicate it with his tech. His smart lair kinda backfired but he never stopped dreaming of trying again and succeeding. Maybe Casita's 'functions' can give him some inspiration.

Also, Donnie would be so dismissive of Mirabel's sheepish explanation of "I don't have a gift"

"Scoff!" he would say. "Who needs gifts if you have a big brain and science! I know tech is not quite a thing here yet but let me show you the beautiful world of physics and Newtons three laws of motion"

The Madrigals are all like "awwwww" while the turtles just go "Oh shit".

The Madrigals find it cute until Mirabel gets a gleam in her eyes and almost breaks Camilo's nose with a trap she invented for when he enters her room without asking.

("Needs some adjusting" Donnie mutters while his big brother chews him out)

(Camilo forgives her very quickly when her next invention, a hot air balloon, fulfills his dream of flying)

For Leo I'm gonna indulge all my headcanons: he is the teams medic and so he would be all over Julieta and her cooking. He can't make magic food but some pointers for delicious chicken soup are very appreciated. But he is still a teenager and hanging around an adult all the time is so not his vibe (no matter how motherly she is and how warm and fuzzy her attention makes him feel inside) so I also imagine him spending lots of time with all the kids but especially Dolores. The gossip that girl can tell him! Hell yeah! And he can Portal the two of them right to the gossip so they can see it first hand, hehe.

Raph is a no brainer. He takes one look at Luisa and sees a kindred spirit. They both drink tea and lament over little siblings and their antics and even more over their own strength and how hard it is to be careful all the time. I think both of them will greatly benefit from each other and from giving each other tips. They will become attached at the hip.

April hears how Isabela changed her appearance and is still looking for her true self and goes full fashion and life style coach on her. April knows a thing or two about trying to be normal and fit in only to realize that the only thing you need to be is yourself. Isa is just fascinated with this confident girl who takes no shit and embraces her own self. She wants that too.

I don't have a real reason for this except that I really want to see Casey and Bruno just sitting a bit outside of the chaos and relaxing with some nice arts and crafts. They are both happy that they are back with family but it can all get a little bit overwhelming at times so it's nice to have someone who understands and has no problem just sitting side by side in silence and enjoy their families laughter and joy until the batteries are refilled and they are ready to rejoin the madness.

Alma doesn't know what to make of this little rat man (who btw fascinates and freaks Bruno out a little) but when they get to finally talking (being the family heads that they are) they realize that they have a lot in common. Splinter knows how it is to be overwhelmed by a legacy that was thrust onto you and that you didn't really want. How you'd rather have your beloved mother/husband back and how you feel that you can't let them down but go about it in all the wrong ways, almost alienating your family in the process instead of holding them close. The crushing weight of it all and how it makes you lose sight of what is important.

Splinter knows a thing or two about that and realizing that gives Alma some peace. They often sit side by side and watch their families, thankful for the second chance they were given.

#rottmnt #encanto #disney encanto #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt crossover #encanto crossover #Wow this got long #And wow this actually all makes sense and could work

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currentlyfckingurmom · 11 months

Text

Her Song part 30

FIVE YEARS AGO - ATLANTA, GEORGIA

"Y/N, meet your daughter. Congratulations on a healthy baby girl," the nurse said, handing me the screaming 'bundle of joy' who seemed more like a bundle of chaos than anything. Her face was bright red and a small tuft of thin hair stood up straight on the top of her tiny head.

"Hey, baby," I laughed. "I'm your momma. I can't believe I'm finally meeting you. This won't be easy, but we're gonna get through it just fine, okay? I promise."

I gently kissed her forehead, hot tears falling down my face, heavy with emotion.

After cleaning her up, the nurses left me alone with my newborn daughter. She had finally stopped crying, looking up at me with wide, innocent eyes. She held gently onto my finger as I rocked her to sleep in my arms for the first time.

A nurse came in and we filled out the birth certificate. Sydney Fleur Y/L/N.

When I was told I had a visitor, I had no idea who it would be. I had hoped it would be my parents or a family member coming to forgive me. I was wrong.

My breath caught in my throat when he walked in the room. He smiled a sweet smile that had the nurse convinced he was a good man. He wasn't, and he never will be. "Could you give us a minute?" he asked kindly. The nurse nodded with a smile and left the room. I couldn't find my voice to ask her to stay.

"Long time no see, Y/N," he said, sitting in a chair next to the hospital bed. I clutched my baby closer to my chest. "What? Not even gonna say hi?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" I finally croaked out.

"Well, I came here to see my niece, obviously," he said smugly, knowing damn well what he did.

"She's not your niece," I snapped bitterly.

"Oh really? Because last time I checked, my brother is the one who got you knocked up."

"Get out," I cried.

"No. No, I don't think I will. You know, I haven't stopped thinking about you. The way you looked when he held you down. The way you screamed. The way you begged me for help. So stupid. So naïve. I have to see it again. I have to have you for myself. It was stupid to make Mark do it. I should've taken the prize for myself."

"Leave, now."

"Sweetheart, it's cute that you think you have any control over me. Your parents don't believe you. The cops don't believe you. The whole damn town knows what a slut you are. It's a good thing you're pretty, 'cause there's nothing in that head of yours."

"Look, Ben, you have five seconds to get out or I'm calling security to drag you out."

"Oh yeah? Is that what you're gonna do? Newsflash, Y/N: I'm five years older than you, way stronger, and closer to the phone. So threaten me all you want, but you can't do shit, and we both know it," Ben sneered.

I cried, my shoulders slumping more. "Why'd you make Mark do it? Why make your own brother..."

He seemed to think it over before laughing shortly, sharply. "Because I wanted to. And because I could."

"You had your fun. Just leave me and my kid alone. What the hell do you even want from me?"

He smirked. It looked kind at first glance, but his eyes were menacing, and I knew better by then. "I want you. I want to feel you the way Mark did. I want you to be mine, the way you should've been from the start."

"You're delusional," I laughed humorlessly. I swung my hand backward and pressed the code blue button on the wall.

"You bitch," he spat as people began rushing toward the room. "I will find you again, Y/N. You can't run forever."

And those were his last words to me.

Until five years later.

PRESENT DAY - NEW YORK CITY

I've never told anybody exactly what happened that night at that stupid party. Or that day at the hospital when Syd was born. Not even Ash. I always figured it would be something I'd take to the grave. There's no point in going to the cops; they won't do anything until he kills me. But now...now I think maybe I should have told someone. Changed my name. Done anything to hide better.

He found me.

He found me, and there's not a damn thing I can do.

It's been so long. So long that I thought we were safe. I guess not. Maybe he's just dumber than I thought so it took him five years to find me. Or maybe he was just waiting until I was truly happy, just so he could take it all away from me.

I check that all the windows are shut and the door is locked, then pull all the curtains closed tight. I quietly spin a chair in the living room to face the apartment door. I'd feel more comfortable if I had my gun, but I got rid of it after I quit my job at the club. I had a kid to think about and wasn't in imminent danger because of my job anymore, so I got rid of it. I regret that now.

He can get to me. He can hurt me, he can kill me, he can do whatever he wants to me. But he's not getting to my kid. He will never have the chance to hurt my family. Syd, Florence, and Ash will be safe. Even if I have to die protecting them.

When I met you I picked you out, I shook you up and turned you around Turned you into someone new Now five years later on you've got the world at your feet Success has been so easy for you But don't forget, it's me who put you where you are now and I can put you back down too Don't, don't you want me? You know I can't believe it When I hear that you won't see me Don't, don't you want me? You know I can't believe it When you say that you don't need me It's much too late to find You think you've changed your mind You'd better change it back Or we will both be sorry

#florence pugh x reader

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seikatsu-ga-tsuzuku · 4 months

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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

This is gonna be very hard to decide but I'll try my best. Gonna stick this under a Read More 'cause this shit boutta be long as hell:

1) Neku Sakuraba from The World Ends With You

He's the main character of the story that changed my life. He was very relatable to me at the time I first consumed TWEWY over a decade ago, and even now I still have a lot in common with him. Neku is very important to me because taught me a lot and impacted me in a way that I feel like I'd be a completely different person had I never encountered TWEWY during those formative years.

2) Kakashi Hatake from Naruto

I don't have some profound reason for Kakashi like I did Neku. But I think he was the very first character I ever became obsessed with or cared about deeper than just liking them because I liked the media they were in. And realistically, what's not to like about him.

(From here onward the accuracy of the list may dwindle because of the sheer amount of media I've consumed. I'll probably forget someone or important or simply be unable to decide, so take who I choose with a pinch of salt, especially in order. I have many faves and I am only certain about Neku and Kakashi's places on this list).

3) Sophie Hatter from Howl's Moving Castle

Because HMC is my favorite Ghibli movie I may be biased, but I always looked up to Sophie due to her strength and capacity to love free of judgments and despite any ugliness, inside or out. She's pretty, kind, brave, and tough, all the things I wanted to grow up to be as a kid when I first saw HMC.

4) Shizuku from Whisper of the Heart

Shizuku is one of my favorites for a more specific and personal reason; because we're both writers. I see in her a lot of myself when I was younger and even now. Having the desire to write something you can be proud of and satisfied with, to the point of being hard on yourself and emotional when you fall short of your own expectations. She's a complicated ball of emotions, but she's got tenacity and a love for whimsy that she puts into her writing. I just find her relatable and lovable.

5) Haruki Nakayama from Given

I just feel a spiritual connection to Haruki. We're kindred spirits, in the way we act, think, view ourselves. How we experience love and the relationship we have to our craft. He really is just like me fr.

6) The Chocobros from FFXV

Nooow I know this is cheating by including all of them, pero like... Do not separate! No but realistically, I can't choose one of them over the other because I love them all for different reasons, but I'd also be remiss to not add any of them to this list. They all had such an impact on my life, brought me joy during a particularly dark time, and their friendship and bond is something I envy and seek to have for myself someday.

7) Kotetsu T. Kaburagi from Tiger & Bunny

Would y'all crucify me if I said he's my favorite superhero across all media? I mean it honestly. Kotetsu is the embodiment of what a hero should be, his attitude, morals, and passion for helping others. He's like the perfect protag to me. He gets bonus points for being a goofy dorky single dad who's tryng his best, and is also hot.

8) Shigeo Kageyama from Mob Psycho 100

Do I even need to explain this one. Mob taught me so much about being kind and forgiving to not only others but yourself. Not many pieces of media have touched me in a way that MP100 has, and Mob fits into a lot of my favorite protag tropes. He's just a simple, sweet darling boy and he's so cherished and important to me.

9) Yona from Akatsuki no Yona

One of the female protagonists of all time. I love her for many of the same reasons I love Sophie, but she's just 10x more cool. As Spike Spiegel once said, I love a woman who can kick my ass.

10) My OC Seth Manolis

Now I realize this may be cheating but I couldn't decide on the last character, and I'd argue he technically counts according to your criteria, because he's the protag of two novels I wrote myself. I created Seth when I was 14, writing little "journal entries" about his life on Deviantart back in the day to cope with me starting high school, but over the years his story has evolved into something serious and now I'm writing a whole trilogy about him (on the third book now). He's very important to me because writing his story has got me through a lot in my life, and I put so many pieces of myself into him, although not exactly a self-insert. I can go on all day about Seth, but just know he's my special little blorbo who I don't know what I would've done without. (Art is commissioned from @/bumblevip on IG.)

#personal #top 10 list #phew this was a lot to type and think about #ask

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toastess-with-the-mostess · 7 months

Text

Let's Rewind! Toast watches Voltron: Defender of The Universe (1984)

Season 1, Episode 15: Give Me Your Princess Season 1, Episode 16: Bridge Over The River Chozzerai

I'm attempting to do two episodes per post now! This will help me finish the show quicker and hopefully will make it more fun to watch

Episode 15 - Give Me Your Princess We start with Lotor quite literally asserting his dominance over his military as Commander, and immediately they're off to destroy Arus Also, this is where the obsession starts I guess, suddenly he's real interested in the princess

holy shit i cant believe he actually takes care of his hair

Oh we're already at this episode? Allura sneaks into black lion to learn to fly it in case of emergency, good plan but i always was annoyed that she thinks it HAS to be her when she's literally the most important person on the team, yknow being a princess and all

Ah yes a staple of the 80s "Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't do things boys can!" Obviously it was important for girls during that decade and it still is now but MAN is the way of showing girl power outdated as I'm watching this now more than 30 yrs later

Lion troubles, apparently Black lion is malfunctioning, but they try and fail to form Voltron as Lotor is actually competent LMAO Allura faints and black drops out of the sky

Lotor has a personal fighter, and it looks like a bat, how cool, Keith is currently trying to rip it apart since everyone thinks it's allura in blue and not him which makes lotor scram

Harem time, I guess that's why they pulled the sudden obsession this episode, all the harem girls are blonde and could easily be mistaken for Allura and the allura imagery all throughout this episode that I haven't been mentioning

hell yeah they're telling off allura for her sudden test drive of black and now her reason changes from "in case of emergency" to "if you go back to earth"

oh my god this just turned into a telenovela Especially with Keith guilt-tripping her by saying Sven wouldn't have almost cost them their lives, low blow keith

She tries to apologize to Keith but the words of the other 3 boys get to her and she walks off I'm actually kind of glad she takes their opinions seriously and isn't being relegated to "the leader's girl" also keith regrets being so harsh on her, even though he was right to reprimand her in general

Did nobody learn anything from the last time lotor was on arus and said he'd be willing to leave in peace? Allura he won't give up just because you give yourself to him, especially if he smacked keith in the face with a ROCK after he won their sword fight

Allura literally busts through the tower lotor left on arus and gives herself up, and then faints (again) because Lotor electrocuted the lion, I don't blame her for that one The boys go rescue her and i think i missed something because keith is hurt? He did go after the princess outside his lion so maybe he got shot and i missed it, anyway he's ass at flying and allura is protecting him in turn now

No robeast this episode, but voltron is still formed and takes down the rest of the spires that lotor left behind, plus a giant laser weapon Allura and Lance carry Keith in, apparently he was cut by lotors laser sword, go figure Nanny doesn't care, as per usual, but goes to get stuff for Keith once Allura tells her to

Everyone forgives each other, Allura apologizes for stealing black without permission and the boys apologize for being so rude when she just wanted to do some good, Allura cries (for like the third time) in joy after being told she's wanted to be kept on the team, so she shouldn't doubt it

/episode end

Episode 16: Bridge Over The River Chozzerai Apparently the kingdom Allura rules over is called Altair and another nearby kingdom is called Helena. They have a running legend together about two lovers who were each a part of one of the kingdoms, but it was a romeo and juliette esq romance because the kingdoms were enemies, so they built a bridge between the vliff that separated them to finally be together the princess is playing one of the lovers, while she wants one of the boys to play the other

"getting icky sticky in the middle" Lance McClain sHUT-

The boys minus Keith are fighting over the part, Keith ain't no simp and especially not one for Allura LMAO Keith "No, Thanks" Kogane is a mood, I wouldn't want to go out to a bridge ceremony either

Hunk wins because Pidge tries to get the mice to help him cheat at a card draw, and they purposefully mess him up Now they have more beef lol

What a cute dress, I wonder if this is a historical reenactment or actual fashion on Arus

Haggar's cat exists once again and sends word that Allura and Hunk are away from castle. Lotor starts heading to Arus, specifically for Allura ofc, and interrupts the two right before they embrace on the bridge Now there's a robeast and it splits the bridge in two while Lotor shoots the cliff where the bridge hangs, causing it to fall. Somehow Allura is on the unsunken parts of the bridge and Lotor takes the change to try and snatch her before Hunk comes from behind and starts fucking SWINGING Very iconic of him, I'd feel safer if Hunk was protecting me in danger

The other boys are on their way, but Hunk slips off the bridge and is hanging on for his life as lotor gets pushed away by Allura who then gets smacked into the water Lotor comes back around for her in his jet until yellow line smacks him from behind, how the FUCK did Hunk get there so fast, and nanny since shes SOMEHOW IN THERE TOO

Lotor strikes back, and they crash into the cliff while the boys are stuck fighting a robeast at the castle, so they can't go help him Allura swims to safety anyway and runs to blue only to find lotor already there, honestly very smart of him since she's guaranteed to return to blue

HELLO?? Lotor tried grabbing her even though she had a gun, girl should've pulled the trigger, but only tears her dress so instead she runs towards blue AND POINTS THE BLASTER AT HER HEAD Damn, I really need to watch beastking golion if we get stuff like this in the censored American version

Anyway he tried to get the gun away but literally trips giving her time to shoot at his feet, so he back-ups enough for her to get into blue, smart girl Hunk and nanny are still at the cliff since yellow isn't responding well, so she basically piggybacks yellow onto blue to get back to the castle as lotor is shooting at them, that's a very weird position but ok

Keith can apparently take control over yellow when they're in voltron? I'm taking that as, since he's the center, having the ability to work with all 5 lions to coordinate movement, but not actually control the limb as that's up to the pilot in it

Voltron is formed, maybe it has a strong magnetic pull that brought yellow lion in even though it couldn't fly, also voltron has a whole other sword, that's interesting to know Blazing sword takes out the elephant tank hybrid robeast and now Yellow is getting repaired, it looks like it's being done inside it's den so that's good to know for world building

Hunk questions why Allura didn't kiss Lotor on the bridge since the legend was about uniting two lands but Allura is grossed out and says it's about people in love and that not even his father could love lotor get his ass princess

she was right lol, zarkon's PISSED and tells him to stop thinking with the head in his pants and start thinking with the head on his shoulders to defeat voltron

/episode end

#voltron #voltron defender of the universe #voltron dotu #80s voltron #let's rewind!#toast talks #slowly figuring this thing out #i think i'm just going to watch the episode all the way and then summarize my thoughts lol #this got too long

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taegularities · 1 year

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my lovely rid 🙏🏼 i think it's time ‼️ i was sitting, and thinking that i wanna read c&f so bad like the others EVEN THOUGH I WON'T BE ABLE TO GET ENOUGH SLEEP. SO I WILL.

let's start, shall we? 😘

•••••••••••••••••••

"Jeon Jungkook's sincerity doesn't run as deep as his undeniable beauty." IT'S LITERALLY THE FIRST SENTENCE. AND I'M ALREADY IN LOVE LIKE ⁉️

THERE'S NO WAY WE'RE STARTING OFF WITH HIM WITH ANOTHER GIRL. THERE'S NO WAY HE'S WITH HER SISTER. CRYING. oh wait she doesn't love him. YES.

"It means that I'm not suitable for marriage yet. Honestly, you should be the one he courts." OHHH I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING GAHAHAHAHA

"But we're not objects to be sold." I ALREADY LOVE Y/N AND I LOVE WHO WRITES HER CHARACTER. 🤍🤍🤍

But you’ll never deny how unnaturally handsome Jeon Jungkook is. WE. WE WILL NEVER EVER DENY.

Might be the slightly tilted smile, the big, jet black eyes. Or the golden skin, the button nose. Constantly pouty lips, deep dimples that he doesn’t need to smile for. GOD I REMEMBERED HIS LATEST LIVE AND I CRASHED MY HEAD INTO A WALL

“She’s my sister. I can’t spill secrets to a stranger.” DAYYUUUUMMMM

“Are we really strangers?” WAIT A DAMN MINUTE ???? WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN ⁉️⁉️⁉️

“Jeon Jungkook,” you emphasise, stepping closer to the threshold, “if you truly don’t remember, then it’s not worth mentioning.” WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED BRO 😟😟😟

“There was a time, long before he courted your sister, when he was almost your suitor.” THERE WAS A WHAT ????????? WHAT THE FUCK ???????

“They won’t. All you have is a garden nearby, and the worst beast we might encounter is the sin… lust.” HAHAHAHA PLEASEEEE. is that foreshadowing though 👀👀👀

But Jungkook’s strings break, and he rubs his face violently, grabbing your wrist before you can walk away. He tugs at your arm and pulls your body back, eliciting a gasp out of you as he realises what he did. call me crazy, but that's HOT. this whole paragraph is hot. goodbye world

“That I was an outcast. You would compare my dresses to fruits, laugh at them, or point out a minor flaw about me, or make fun of how I never smiled because of how tight my corset sat.”

And right now, your chest is burning, sadness in your eyes as you narrate further, “And I loved those dresses. The young and naive me would… prepare them days before and jump in joy. Just to hide in the back once she saw you.”

WHY ARE MY EYES STINGING ?????? SHE LOVED HER DRESSES😭😭 OH MYYY- NOOOO. NO.

“We were adults then, and I was ready to forgive you,” you tell him, gulping, “until you told a handful of men who liked me, that I’m the most untrustworthy snake in town. And how my sister,” you laugh; your gaze shifts to the ground, “is much more beautiful and actually worth the trouble.”

well... i was excited to know what he did BUT NOW I HATE HIM💔💔💔 I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT ??? HOW COULD HE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT ???

“I need to redeem myself,” he then tells you, “I know I wasn’t the best person, but I want to be better.”

I SWEAR TO GOD JEON IF YOU DON'T BECOME BETTER IMMA LOSE IT.

To you, you’re water, and he’s fire — but perhaps there’s a grey area where you meet. Where you collide and become steam, evaporating, hot yet calm.

yup. you did it again with your shakespeare shit. WHAT A MAGNIFICENTLY WRITTEN PIECE OF LITERATURE.

That night changed him. Or at least, you think it was one of the reasons that altered his personality.

some things just never change. he's been like this since he was 11 and he was a child. so it's obvious why he'd grown up to be such a man

And Jungkook — he just listened. That is, until he finally conjured up an excuse; you still haven’t figured out what strange reason urged him to come up with, “I apologise. The girl led me to these alleys, and I couldn’t find my way back.” GOD. WHYYYY. SINCE DAY ONE. he could've said another lie bro :((

Lying isn’t the worst sin of them all; but sometimes, it does wound an eleven year old more than it should. STOOOOOPPPPP. RID THIS KEEPS HURTING THE FUCK OUTTA MEEEE!!!!

Sometimes, a behaviour can’t be excused.

YUUUUPPPPPP.

He lifts a hand, and by the looks of it, you guess she has accepted his proposal to dance, too. NO FUCKING WWAAAAAAYYYY. THE AUDACITY THIS MAN HAS ‼️‼️‼️ BRO I'M SO MAD RIGHT NOW I CAN PUNCH ANYONE IN THE FACE FUCKKSOXBSIX

But as your smile widens and your heart soars, Jungkook calls your name as though it’s a melody. OH THANK GOD. i take back everything i said😘😇

You throw your locks out of your face, drawing a long breath when his hand lifts to the small of your back.

AHHHHWICBSU SCREAMINGGGGG

“thoughts of what you might be wearing tonight.” His body leaves yours once more before his hands pull you back in. WHAT THE FUCK JEON 😩😩😭 I'M DEAD. JSBDIABXJDID THIS MAAAAAN IS DANGEROUS ‼️‼️‼️

His hair tickles your cheek, and the heat of his breath skims your neck, “You meant something way worse to me than an enemy. Sometimes I hated you enough to feel closer to you than to anyone else.” ummmm what is going on? 😟😟

Wait… what is he talking about? And why is his voice so quiet, carrying this odd trace of ache? FOR REAL THOUGH. I'M SCARED.

He shakes his head so slightly you barely notice. “Abhorring you brought me back to reality sometimes. Because where my mind resides… isn’t quite,” he looks around, up to the ceiling, side to side to every guest, “in this realm.” ABHORRING??? WHY DO YOU HATE HER THAT BAD DUDE ??? and why is he so suspicious like ???

i'm not putting their conversations with each other at the orphanage but they're just so ughhhhh. i just love them so much they both deserve happiness 🙏🏼❤️

And no one but you hears him say, “Just. If it’s not love, then you might want to use your fantasy. Then you’ll know.” OH SHIT. RID ?????

Near the end of the evening, a hand touches your braid. Brushes down to its tail, rubbing the tresses between his fingers.

You stay as still as a sculpture, perplexed by the sudden motion; but then break into a laugh when he brings the tail to your ear, tickling you shamelessly.

GET MARRIED ALREADY 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 THEY'RE SO CUTE TOGETHER 💔💔💔

“Right,” you confirm in a gentle giggle; you don’t quite notice when the sound of it makes his lips raise ever-so-slightly. “How about riding? Do you enjoy it?”

“Riding, I do. Does not involve horses, though,” Jungkook admits.

i swear to god if they don't have the best sex....... JUST SAYIN' ��

“I mean… I do like long distance carriage rides.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Until now… I didn’t either.”

CURLING MY TOES AND SHIIIIII😇😇

“Did you mean that? The… riding thing.”

STOOOPP I'M ACTUALLY SCARED TO CONTINUE HAHA.... RID I LOVE YOU 🙏🏼🙏🏼

“You won’t let me hold your hand, but this is alright?”

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

Because he’s the first to reach out to you.

GOODNIGHT.

Your eyes dart up to his; his expression is one of a kind. Lips slightly parted, tongue sliding between his teeth, eyes digging into you with a harmless candle flame flickering behind them. just leaving that here. and going to read it whole 🙏🏼❤️😘

But when the wish threatens to burst out, the coachman, hopefully oblivious, yells back, “We’re arriving shortly!” IT WAS SHORT BUT TOO HOT I ALMOST THREW MY PHONE 💔💔💔💔 wondering how the sex would be like😟😩 WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME RID ⁉️⁉️⁉️

Angry for you; defending you. I'M SO PROUD I GOT TO WITNESS THIS🤧 !!!!!

“It’d be okay to hold my hand now.” do you know what i am? dead😘

“I think, for me, tonight will be the most memorable.” same jungkook, same. but why am i kinda scared tho🫡

You remember his name to be Byun. PLEASE I WANT TO SEE JUNGKOOK GETTING JEALOUSSSSS. PLEASE WORLD

“That’s good,” he praises, nodding, “Oh, I… I am not trying to court you, I need you to know that. I just needed to at least ask if he’s treating you right.” AND WHO ARE YOU??? ONLY US AND Y/N ARE ALLOWED TO JUDGE HIM. YOU? SHUT UP

Looking closely, you see him clench his jaw, warning through obviously gritted teeth, “Don’t say such things.”

AHHHH SHIIIIT 😟😟😟😟😟

“No. You being you… me wanting, craving you all the damn time. Me finally realising it. That’s why I’m furious… It enrages me.”

YEEESSSS MY ONLY WISH HAS BECOME TRUEEE I CAN DIE HAPPYYYYYY 😩🤧 (+why is he so hot? like sir? have mercy on me❤️)

And then, your mouth falls on his with vigour. LET'S GOOOOO. now😏 i'm gonna read it whole for real this time❤️❤️😇

You flinch when a firm knock sounds against the door.....

UMMM. i really don't know what to say😭 like i've read so many of your smuts but this one is soooo different 🙏🏼 maybe because they finally did something after all these years. that's it, they really belong to each other! EVEN THEIR HANDS FIT PERFECTLY. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ugh anyways.. AND this whole part was so well-written, BUT. there's just this paragraph that made me throw the phone for real and throw up❤️

“You sounded so pretty, falling apart like that,” he whispers, kissing your jaw as his hand moves to your chin, “just how I fucking thought you would.” OHH MYYY GOOOOD💔💔💔 RID YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THIS TO MEEE😟😟

“More wasn’t supposed to happen tonight anyway, huh?” i'm unwell. I'M DIZZY🙏🏼🙏🏼 WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "huh?" SUDHAIXBWUXHSJSJSHX

Eventually and instinctively, you choose left, because you’ll definitely come out somewhere, right? SOMETHING'S GONNA HAPPEN AND I DON'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS. JUNGKOOK'S GONNA FUCK UP I CAN SEE THAT😟😟😟😟

For some reason, the voice sounds familiar to you. You rack your brain, because where have you heard him before… OHHH IT'S HIS UNCLE!!! THAT FUCKER🤨🤨🤨

“I’ll do anything to get out of here, so do not worry. I have it all planned out,” you hear Jungkook say. PLANNED OUT ??? I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT WAS ALL PLANNED OUT. NO. NO. NO. but bro he literally smiled when he was about to leave and it was genuine 🤣 there must me something 🙏🏼🙏🏼

“Uncle, is there anything else you need from me?” I KNEW IT😬 I FUCKING HATE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART😍😍

“I know we failed with the older sister, but I do think you have the younger one wrapped around your finger. What was her name again?” SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU OLD CRUSTY DUSTY MAN🤨🤨 wasn't it enough what you've done before??? how can you be so cruel🤢🤢

“Did I do something wrong?” Jungkook suddenly asks. think baby ❤️ use your brain that god gave you 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Because he leans into you, and mumbles, “I am sorry if I hurt you anyhow.” BRO JUST STOPPPPP😭😭 i know he somewhere in his heart cares for her but he keeps confusing me and i'm tiredddd💔💔💔

“In that room,” he answers, and you sigh a breath of relief. No confrontation. No pain. Not yet. “I tried to be gentle.” OH. he meant that.

What your lips will do is let him pull you in and kiss you. Will move against his. Will drown in the deep tenderness of his touch, no matter how much it hurts. Will permit him to slide his tongue through, dancing with yours.

And you think another thing they do is… finally tremble.

CHILLLLLLSSSSSSS🤯🤯 the final bits killed me. ANYWAYS, this is one of the BEST not only jungkook fanfictions but all fanfictions🤧🤧 i laughed, cried, screamed, fangirled(?), screamed again😏😇, threw my phone, and smashed my head into a wall because of one man❤️❤️ and because of you rid😍😍 and god i'm so sorry i didn't read it earlier than today because i really wanted to💔 and i'm more sorry that you will have read like a 11k words feedback😭 i don't know how this happened, i just put some parts and commented on them😇 and i know that i voted on cmi but now i'm not sure if i want my vote to be counted👀 like NO. you did not leave us on a cliffhanger like that💔 my heart broke😭😭 i absolutely loveeeed this one with a my heart 💜💜 would definitely read it again when pt.2 comes out if the ending was not heartbreaking like this one😇 (would read it again if the ending was worse😘) but GOD it was a rollercoaster 🙏🏼🙏🏼 i'm not okay💜 thank you so so soooo much for this oneee!! i love you and i can't wait to see what's there to come~~ 💜

LOVELY SARAH !!!! this must be the longest ask i've ever received, and i barely know what to say cos omg the capslock review is so cute lmaooo 😭 oh my god, you better catch more sleep next time !!! my fics will be there to read whenever 😤

muahahah yes, we started with his sister !!! and yes, thankfully she Does Not love him 🤣 i'm so glad that you like oc btw! i resonate a lot with her, so it'd be awkward if you disliked her hehehe

ugh, whenever i describe jk in any way, i think of so many moments in run bts and bon voyage, he has my heart :((( also yes yes, i know they're both being cryptic but wait for it (AND IKR ISN'T HE HAWWWWWWT AND DANGEROUS? except for when she loved her dresses :(...) 😌

not the shakespeare shit lmaoooo 😭 i'm sorry for the pain it brought, though </3

so happy you liked them together hehehehehe there's definitely some hidden chemistry amirighhhhtttt. and the orphanage scene was one of my fav, tbh 🥺

about how sex between them would be...... hahaha no comment 🥴

EYYYYYY SHE CAUGHT SOMETHINGGG

oh yeah, him liking her... enrages him 😉

yeah, ngl, the smut felt very different to me, too. i think it was more bc the trope was just so different? had to think of everything – the carriage, the dresses, the dirty talk. what they could or could not say etcetcetcetcetc.... so glad you liked it tho hehehuaheu

the uncleeeeeee i knowwwww, outrageous !!! i love how everyone's more pissed at him than jk, bc we might be getting glimpses into what's happening ughhh. bc yes lol he did smile when he left :') poor jk is so confused and torn, but also doing something really shitty to oc rn, so yeah.... we shall see what that man does next :')

one of the best jk fics 🥺 ahh i'm so sorry if this response was all over the place, i'm still kind of sobering up jksdksad but this was so nice to (re)read and i truly appreciate you a lot. so stoked that you could feel all those things and enjoy the first chapter.. i'm really excited for the next one, so stay tuned hehhee thank you again bby 🥺 <333

#my responses are also always so long LMAO i hope that's not annoying to y'all 😭#notes for rid 🌹#sarah-217 #fic: candles & flames #long ask #long post

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soul-wanderer · 1 year

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06x17//All These Things That I’ve Done - weekly recap

- female firefighter gear for the win, including Maya smiling at Andy + Ross reaffirming that she’s not quitting aaand the little Vic and Andy dance break

- Classic Travic content ftw as well, because these two save a lot of episodes with their bantering

- unpopular opinion: Theo was right when he said “I let you dedicate time for your classes and the expansion of Crisis One” and Vic was wrong when she replied “oh, you let me?”. I mean, they’re in the middle of a shift? And Vic just decides to leave? I am fairly certain staffing is Theo’s job, and he didn’t need to give Vic any time off for her classes and much less for a random meeting with Diane? That being said, I understand that Vic is tense in regard to Theo, but Theo was absolutely right about that one

- Carina’s friends are back, and that’s always a good time! Just like it was nice to see Marsha again for a second

- Sullivan wanting to be captain again. The nerve. THE NERVE. Anything else I could say about that would get me thrown into jail.

- Gosh, do I love the friendly bantering and bickering between Andy and Theo, I hope we get to see more of that in the future

- Theo was right about not sending anyone into the car wash until all power was cut off, and what Andy did was quite frankly reckless and could have cost one of their lives - they’re darn lucky the worst that happened was Maya going for a spin and that beam falling onto the guy’s shoulder. The only thing worse about this, is Sullivan trying to pit them against each other and thank goodness Andy called him out on that

- Kitty Dixon is a national treasure, I said what I said! She is a prime example of a villain done right

- Ross threatening Dixon has to be the funniest and best thing, I stg

- Sullivan saying “We owe people the common decency of not lying to their faces” - totally fine, nothing to see there

- Ross just fixing dude’s knee was metal af, I said what I said

- I feel sorry for Theo getting dragged through the dirt alongside Andy and Sullivan, simply because they thought it would be a fun idea to disobey orders. And I feel sorry for Ross, because she realizes there’s no way she can make a good choice after seeing them argue like that

- I cannot fucking believe that after all of this, Andy would so easily forgive Sullivan, As if he didn’t screw her over hours earlier, I mean what the hell?!

- Speaking of Sullivan: He admitted to knowing that lying was a major trigger for Andy, and he STILL went ahead and lied TO HER FACE about his relationship with Ross. I really cannot deal with this shit any more, I am tired of his bullshit

- Eli. Oh, Eli. Gotta hand it to him that his cracked voice and tears did things to my heart that I’d rather not admit. I’m here for this pairing, that’s all. I’m just a useless queer, okay?!

- Beckett and Vic - I feel like there’s too much to say about this arc within a recap, so maybe this requires a longer, separate post. Let’s just say that Vic was being a tad reckless, which is very much on brand for her character, going to Beckett without backup or a backup plan, but they understandably went for the drama with this. Ironically, the scene that broke me the most (apart from Vic in the car afterwards) was the one with them playing Basketball, simply because this brief moment of joy felt so incredibly heavy, knowing it wouldn’t last long. They did a freaking brilliant job with that, truly. And no, Vic is not okay and yes, Vic does need help, and I am hoping we will get there, eventually, because oh boy, well girl, does she need some help

#Station 19 #Vic Hughes #Andy Herrera #Theo Ruiz #weekly recap #06x17 #yes this has been sitting in my drafts for a while

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renticat · 1 month

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I am not too good at goodbye

or hello in any sense. It's dreadful hell yeah, I am typing this down on my laptop and it's lagging so much like our connection, correction our connection has been disconnected long time ago.

Okay, it's kinda annoying because typing it here there was no auto capital for first letter so I had to do it manually. Yeah, slight discomfort bear with me and many discomfort of my grammar that is getting worse and not better. I haven't really have any conversation with anyone and watching movies in free illegal websites; forgive me as I don't have the money to afford any entertainment; has been struggle as this country is so good at tackling down the illegal websites now and the server just always buffering, leaving me twice frustrating when I just wanna enjoy my time while ironing all my shit.

Funny that pornography could be tracked down so fast but not with all the corruptors, those corrupt government in parliament and where all the taxes go, it's to them and this country mostly is shit still like my grammar. Improving a little but many downs and everything is pricey.

huh I have been rambling but it has nothing to do with goodbye? to be honest, I was discouraged to upload anything in here as it feels pointless, even when someone read it. But in telegram it gives me a sensation of being wanted until the illusion all come off because it's just too much after the quotes I found yesterday. Don't let the pain of yesterday feeling robbing you this today's joy.

I mean I am surprised the person who blocked me has the ill will to even peeping at my stories, I guess they really do enjoy my misery and the worst part it, I kinda romanticized this broken feeling too much because at least I am able to feel something (even when it hurts) as if I am being fucking honest, I am completely numb in my heart right now.

why? why you ask? it's because all this cycle of hello and goodbyes that is too soon and too much, too meaningless but deep down I wish for it to be real even when mostly because I feel hopeless. And because I realized that no matter how much I love someone and they appears to care about me, it's gonna end fucking shitty and fuck she even gave me broken promises like all the boys did, twice now and I am absolutely out of words. I know she changes but does she have to hurt me like the way everyone do to me? has she got any compassion at all for keep telling me that she fucking cares but in action, there's nothing but cruel silence. only me weeping for her to contact me again.

or not, I don't know. I know I let her down two months ago but it feels like she always excited just at that short moments before completely turn in another fucking direction. Just like any libra did. I want something real. I want someone that hug me in flesh. I don't want any bullshit oh and those people on telegram saying they fucking care when if I ask for treat they couldn't but they wish they can call me for free just be fucking real. I guess I hate my life because this instability, I have told you this and this hell is still going on. MY LIFE IS IN SURVIVAL MODE. can't even afford love, or dream and I am jealous of everyone whose fucking taking it for granted when they don't fucking know what hell is.

and I am afraid because I am stupid in love, thought people are nice when they're not then I become too cynical to everyone and I do feel bad. It's like my defense mechanism. They robbed me from my dream and I am too fucking old to be able to do anything. NO YOU'RE NOT, YEAH YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW FOR SURE AND MONEY IS THE ONLY THING THAT ENDS MY HUNGER RIGHT NOW, NOT YOUR SWEET BULLSHIT.

I used to be able to control the hunger but now, it's something else. Gosh it's already out of topic I should make another post. Like I am so hungry for anything that I know I had been able to have it, if my life has better luck but then all the hardships is what that makes me. Call me negative piece of shit but I am not that giggly person who will turn their back the second any hardships fucking arise because I am the rare flowers that grow all year. Well back then I try to poisoned myself because I haven't figuring the last puzzle but now I am not like that anymore.

Those giggly giggty fuckity people that said good vibes only, smile and no bad vibes is just full of shit. Sorry because as Mark Manson said, wanting only positive experience is a negative experience itself and I agree. I am wishing better days is because my days have been fookin hell but those fucking clowns that have life so easy but then because they're bored, they love saying bullshit things and play with people's feeling as another people feeling's don't matter that much esp who doesn't align with whatever fuckity vibes they bring in.

That kind of people are real assholes and I got blocked by them, I should be happy right but nope I actually feel sad, not little bit. Like truly sad because the genuine good vibes is when you can connect with people no matter what their conditions are. YOU CAN'T DEMAND THAT PEOPLE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND YOU BUT YOU DIDN'T DO THE SAME FOR THEM. It's called fucking bullshit and now I have to bear the pain of like WHY DO I HAVE TO CARE SO MUCH, ofc those narc parents creates the worst empathetic kind of child because they are so caring about others but not to themselves as there are too many negative self talk that have implanted for so fucking long ago, that no one will ever love you because you're unlovable. fuck you. fuck this. I guess it's better that way than to chasing for love that isn't even real when it's just pleasing one's ego.

I deserved love that always stay like me too. I deserve the same love that I've been giving to people. Like they're mad when I talk bullshit about them but when they did that to me first, I have to shut up because what?

because you're the one who is fucking horrible and somehoe i am glad it ended now. but it never ends, when I am chill you'll come back and manipulate me again, well most of the time is because of me. That I am too afraid to making new connections and stupid me think that the one who is very damaged perhaps is better and not that too bad at all when it's bad. It's bad and it's ended badly. It's probably for the best to never romanticizing about it anymore and just find something new. But too bad, there's a lot resentment in me that I truly fucking skeptical that there are people for me, who will fight in bad and good days and respect each other's mind while also kissing my huge forehead everyday. This world is rotten and playing ground. I don't want any part of it. Thought we only play certain characters on the stage not in real life.

if you know how much I fucking care about every fucking one, I guess you couldn't even last a week being me. It's too much and all those heartbreaks only giving me lesson to not fucking care too much. And the world will keep giving you the same lesson until you get it and I get it but I do still cares and wishing too much. Well about their idea of being not themselves though. I guess world trying to teach me stop being so fucking delusional and move on, love yourself. People aren't that funny and they're boring. Worse they're not that cute nor will putting some effort and only giving you so much bullshit still.

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bruhstories · 2 years

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canopic jar

summary: marc is exasperated by you, but he needs to behave because you're steven's girlfriend. pairing: steven grant x angry & unpredictable!reader warning & content: swearing, violence (reader beats the shit out of a dude), crack, some angst, some fluff, fem!reader wc: ~1.4k

a/n: i absolutely love the 'bag of tricks' series by @heli0s-writes, it brings me so much joy, and i thought 'hmm, what would marc do if he met someone chaotic, unpredictable and with anger management issues?' and this is how this piece was born. i may or may not continue this, hint hint, nudge nudge

orange italics for marc

Marc Spector is in physical pain whenever Steven lets him out.

He's been shot, stabbed, beaten to a pulp, survived the smite of gods but nothing, absolutely nothing can compare to the agony, the antipathy and the loathing he feels towards you.

Those words are big, he doesn't reaaaally hate you — you like to think that — but he truly dislikes you, and cannot possibly fathom from in circle of Hell Steven found you.

Well, he knows exactly how he found you, Marc was inside his head that faithful day, when you decided to visit the museum. Dainty, like a fairy straight out of some weird fantasy cosplay porn, you gingerly touched the very canopic jar that had the label DO NOT TOUCH under it.

Boom. Crash.

That jar met its maker, broken in tens of pieces and the stench– oh, God, the stench! It came as no surprise when you inevitably gagged, everyone around you backing off when your eggs and bacon came back, burning your esophagus.

What a fucking dumbass. Marc said, but Steven, oh, poor Steven, he was stunned.

In your defence, you never thought the jar had its contents full. You thought it was a replica, a cheap copy made by the British Museum.

"How was I supposed to know you lot had a 2.000 year old liver in that cookie jar?" Was your pathetic excuse. Still, you paid for the damage, and boy, were your debts enough for three generations. Goddamn cookie jar.

That day, Steven fell in love with you, but that day was the end of Marc's last crumb of sanity.

Steven's apartment is covered in post it notes with simple and easy-to-follow instructions. Nothing can go wrong, right?

Right?

Except for that one time when you emptied Gus' tank to clean it and accidentally set fire to it — how the fuck do you burn a tank???

Or that one time when you wanted to bake a souffle and flooded the kitchen — is she seriously that stupid???

Oooor that one time when you "accidentally" chained yourself to Steven's bed and couldn't reach the key, so you spent 17 hours and 23 minutes starving and thirsty.

Marc found you asleep, uncuffed your ankle and made you a sandwich. That was also the time you learned Steven had a spare key under the mattress and you could have easily unchain yourself.

Eventually, Marc got used to your presence and your absolutely ludicrous actions. He learned to predict some of your choices, but you were still unpredictable. He learned to read you, but you were still illiterate — in the nicest possible way. Sometimes his reflexes would be swift, and he'd catch you before hurting yourself.

And other times, you'd fall down the stairs because you got distracted by a cat, or a puppy, or a goddamn rat.

You're not stupid, you're just not paying attention. You're careless and carefree.

Steven loves every bit of you, because the way he sometimes fucks up Marc's missions matches your erratic personality.

And for Marc it's hell.

His very own pure, unfiltered personal hell.

Tonight, the two men also learn about your anger management issues.

Marc's on a mission now. It requires stealth and precision, and Steven promised not to interfere.

Khonshu is a merciless god when it comes to those who make mistakes. He punishes and does not forgive, and right now, he's got Marc to "discipline" a few thieves in South London.

"So, do you want me to break all bones or just the arms?" Marc seeks approval from the god before acting. He's sat on a rooftop, his suit bright in the moonlight, scowl plastered on his face.

"Break the legs, too." You suggest.

"Right." He nods, before freezing on the spot, head slowly turning to his left. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

His voice screams exasperation.

"Tracked your phone."

Marc only gives you the how-the-fuck-did-you-manage-this look and you shrug.

"What, like it's hard."

"It's turned off!" Now he's screaming screaming.

"And?"

Jesus fucking Christ. He notices you're wearing all black, as if you're some kind of international super spy, and if the laws of anatomy would permit, his eyes would be doing a full 360 now.

"Stay here. Don't get in my way."

"You got it, partner!" You salute him, face solemn and serious.

Marc dives off the rooftop, gliding through the air with his fancy cape and does his cool superhero landing in a narrow alleyway while you take the fire escape and climb down a million steps. It was worse going up.

Okay, Khonshu lied. Those petty thieves aren't just thieves, they're selling Egyptian artefacts on the black market, and Marc isn't supposed to just discipline them, he's supposed to unalive or worse, arrest them.

And it's fun to sit back watch Marc absolutely obliterate the men, until a poor stray cat happens to run through the fight.

"Watch out for the cat!" You yell and distract Marc enough for a thug to kick him in the nuts — he won't be having any kids soon. "Oof-" You bite your lip. "That's gonna need an ice pack."

"Didn't I tell you to fuck off?"

"No, you told me to stay and not get in your way. Hey, don't touch the cat!" You shout at one of the thugs when his foot nearly steps on the poor feline's tail. But the man sneers and stomps it. The kitty's wail is enough to make your blood boil.

He's fucked.

"Back off!" Marc is still recovering from that kick when he sees you approaching. "Are you deaf?"

"Are you deaf?" You question the thug, but before he can reply or act, you grab a metal bin lid and smack him across the face with it.

Marc, the recently-hit man and his two friends all stop moving, absolutely baffled at your audacity.

"Well? Answer, fuckface!" You smack him again, this time in the abdomen. "What did that cat do to you, huh?" Another smack to his head. "Oh, buddy, you really pissed me off." A knee to the stomach and the man wants to retaliate, but that hit to his head made him dizzy. He shifts his weight from one leg to another but you don't let him regain his balance.

"God, stop-" The man cries out before you land a final lid to his face and he falls to the ground, foetal position.

"That's what I thought, motherfucker!" You proceed to frantically kick him everywhere you can — shoulders, nose, abdomen, knees. "Fuckin' goofy-looking piece of shit!" Kick. "Burn." Kick. "In." Kick. "Hell." Kick.

"Alright, that's enough-" Marc cannot fathom where you gathered the strength to inflict so much damage. But you're not done yet.

"You think hurting cats is fun?" You stomp on his hand. "Bet that cat has the time of its life watching you now." Stomp. "You stale piece of cheese!" Stomp. It's safe to say his own mother won't recognise him in the morning. "Alright, who's next?" You turn towards Marc and the two thugs but both of them are on their knees.

"Arrest us, please!"

"That was fun, partner!" You sing-song with a cheery voice.

"Fun? Fun?? That was anything BUT fun! It was stupid, reckless and absolutely bat-shit crazy!" Marc paces through the flat, fingers rubbing his temples.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Nut Knight." You stuff your face with Doritos. "I think-" munch "I did-" munch "a damn well job-" munch "if I do say so myself."

His lips are pursed, he opens his mouth to talk, but the words don't come out. Instead, his usually straight back is now slightly hunched, his scowl is gone, replaced by raised brows and wide eyes and the very familiar warmth in his brown irises.

"You... did you really beat a man to a pulp because he hurt a cat?" The British accent takes the place of the American one, the rage instantly turned into confusion. Steven knew this side of you better than Marc, but he didn't think you'd go that far.

"B-but, it was a stray cat! It was starving and cold!" You pout, Dorito dust covering your fingers and chin and it melts his heart. "I'm not sorry."

"I'm not scolding you." The corners of his lips turn upwards slightly. "But you really are like a canopic jar."

"Pretty on the outside, rotten on the inside?" You scrunch your nose, reminded of the stench.

"Fragile on the outside, but bloody killer on the inside. That is, if we're talking about 2.000 year old canopic jars."

"Potayto, potahto." You roll your eyes, preoccupied with your snack.

Yeah, Steven adores you, and it's good to know you can protect him in case Marc can't, because if you almost killed a guy for a cat, you'd slaughter hundreds and walk on their corpses for Steven.

And Marc loathes you less. For now.

#moon knight 🌙#moon knight #moon knight x reader #moonknight #moon knight x you #moon knight x y/n #steven grant x you #steven grant x y/n #steven grant x reader #steven grant #marc spector x you #marc spector x y/n #marc spector x reader #marc spector

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neverluckygoldfish · 7 months

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23 -

Lately: been sick as a dog. I hate the flu.

With that being said, I also recently blew up my entire life….in a good way ;)

I have dreamed of settling down in the PNW my entire life. And no, not because I read twilight. My soul has felt at home in the moody gray, the greenery, the culture. I had plans to do so in the next two years. But life happens (as it does) and now I’m moving in 4 weeks!! Holy shit. It feels surreal.

Do I feel like this is a totally bonkers idea? Maybe. Probably. But I don’t care because everything in me is screaming “hell yes” towards this opportunity.

It’s a big change but I feel grateful because I don’t have an urge to drink or use (wild). It’s stress, but the good kind lol.

They say don’t make any major life changes your first year in recovery….but I’ve never been good at listening anyway.

I turn 30 next year. I’m new in recovery, a newlywed, no house or real assets, barely a retirement savings, no kids (except my dog is my child and you can’t convince me otherwise), a little money in the bank, unemployed (making a career change nonetheless), and jumping into this wild change, headfirst. This is not how I pictured 30 haha.

But something I’ve come to admire about myself is my resilience. If I have ever been unhappy with my situation or desired something - I have set my sights on it and fixed/gotten it. Maybe I did it the hard way and maybe I’m (often) too stubborn to listen to advice, but I did it. No looking back. A pro of being selfish. I have never been afraid to take a bold risk, to dare greatly.

Age is just a number baby! Unless it’s less than 18.

I’ve struggled to connect with my greater She lately - once again, I’m trying to control every aspect of my life. To race against some perceived idea that I’m running out of time. That I have wasted all this time with my issues. That I’m behind.

Maybe that’s why I’m sick? If signs are real, I’ll take this as one that I need to SLOW tf down and surrender.

A friend recently told me “it sounds like you are building recovery around your life when you should be building your life around recovery”. It got me thinking. It made me pause….she’s so right. I think it’s an easy trap to fall into. Once things are good, I just race to the next thing. My foundation is fragile right now. What I do, my attitude - it determines my perspective. It sets a precedent moving forward.

I want to let go of the old me: insecure, approval seeking, people pleasing, melancholy, secretive, controlling, perfectionist. I welcome the new me who sees challenges as an adventure, who is kind not only to others but most importantly, to herself. Who lives a fulfilling life and finds joy in the stillness of every day. Who isn’t afraid to chase her dreams. Who trusts in her own capabilities. Who says fuck the haters (lol, but literally).

I am the woman in the arena. Forever.

I needed that reminder.

So yeah, big move but I am so ready. It feels like a fresh start. Also the little kid in me is like “omg eeeeee!!!!!! Check, life dream accomplished”. Energy is on overload lol.

I’m in a good headspace and at a point in my life where I’m comfortable with who I am. I’m not chasing what’s not meant for me. I’m releasing my shame. I’m learning to forgive myself. I’m staying present. I am becoming proud of the person I was / the person I am.

It’s never too late to start over. Everything can be fun, it’s all dependent on perspective. I welcome the next few months and all the adventures ahead!!!

I have faith in my intuition - my greater She. She has led me here.

Each day, a little better and brighter.

#self love #healing #recovery #mental health #sobriety #healing journey #addiction #drug and alcohol addiction #alcoholism #positive attitude #positivity #focus on the positive #life changing #love yourself #love your life

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loving-barnes · 3 years

Text

LET ME FIX THIS - BUCKY BARNES

(A/N): Sorry, I can’t handle sad stories, or angsty stories without a happy ending.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x enhanced!female!reader

Warning: angst, enemies to lovers? , violence, attempt of sexual assault, fluff at the very end

Summary: Bucky got scared of his feeling, ruining everything and making Y/N leave. Will he be able to fix it?

Words: 7800+

FULL MASTERLIST

LET ME FIX THIS - BUCKY BARNES

“What the actual fuck?!”

Y/N came rushing into the living room, eyes filled with rage and fire. If looks could kill, half of the room would be dead. The team was sitting on a couch, watching some dull TV show, enjoying their time off. But with Y/N’s tsunami-like entrance, they all turned to her, scared for their lives.

“You alright?” Tony asked carefully.

Her eyes found his face, but instantly, they looked at the only person that brought her to this state. Barnes. He was sitting on the couch, body relaxed with a smug grin on his face, proud of what he had done. He knew damn well why she was angry and it only brought him joy.

“What the fuck, Barnes? How dare, how fucking dare you decide whether I am capable of going to Tokyo or not. I have been working on that mission for weeks - weeks you hear me - and Fury announces to me that YOU are the one who is taking over the mission and also banned me from going on it?! Excuse me?!”

Steve turned to his best friend, frowning. “Bucky, what?” Steve couldn’t believe what he just heard. “Why did you do that?”

“Exactly!” she shouted, pissed at that dull man who was getting on her nerves. “Why the fuck did you do that? I can’t believe he is the one going to Tokyo and will be leading the mission. You have some nerve kicking me out of my job.”

She had everything planned into the tiniest details; recruited several agents and Sam agreed to help her. Now, he was not in the living room, therefore he couldn’t stand up for her and help her kick his ass.

“I am more eligible than you,” he said sternly. “That plan you made, was a suicide mission and even though you are enhanced, you would fuck it up. The distraction you have created is a fucking joke-”

He was cut off by a flying glass that missed his head and smashed against the wall behind him. Bucky gasped, surprised she would use her power to hurt him. “What the fuck, Y/L/N!”

“I am so angry at you, you have no idea.” Her face was already red. “This was a low blow, Barnes.”

He was already on his feet. “Says the one that threw a glass at me. How ironic.”

Again, if looks could kill, he would be dead three times in a row, buried 20 feet underground. She was about to jump at his neck and beat the shit out of him when Steve jumped in front of her and held her shoulders. “Easy there, Y/N.”

“Let me go, Rogers,” she was shaking, her teeth grinding. “Let me go. I want to punch his fucking face. He’s been torturing me for the last six months. He fucking deserves his teeth punched out of his mouth.”

“Y/N, enough. We can solve this,” he tried to calm her down.

Her eyes darkened and her power pushed Steve away from her. He almost tripped down on the floor. She never used her powers on anyone until now. Her body was shaking and she couldn’t control it anymore. She was on the verge of destroying the whole room.

Bucky was making her life miserable. He always had to ruin something - a mission, a girl’s night or a potential date. He was there at the worst time possible, practically ruining her life. She was fed up with his antics, and it hurt a lot because… she had a soft spot for him in her heart. Why did she let that happen?

No matter how mean he would be towards her, or how many times he would ruin something, she would somehow forgive him, because she liked him. It hurt her more that he didn’t see her that way - hell, he despised her. It was a weird combination - having a crush on someone who made her life a living hell in the compound. And she was tired, hurt and this… this was unacceptable. He made her feel as if she was less than any other member of the team; incapable of leading a mission. As if he was saying, she wasn’t worth being an Avenger.

He kept treating her like shit for many months. And what's more, he kept breaking her heart almost every time there was a party. With all those girls, wrapped around his finger, of course, she didn’t matter to him at all.

Without any other word, she turned on her heel and stormed off the living room, her stomach squeezing in pain and her eyes filled with hot tears.

Y/N hid in her room, then headed to the bathroom where she took a hot, long shower where she could let her tears fall with the droplets of water. Why did he hate her so much? Was his mission to kick her out of the team?

These last two months were unbearable. When they first met, he seemed nice and friendly. He would be polite to her and made her feel welcome and accepted. She never would have thought he was an asshole. You know what they say - still, waters run deep. Maybe, there was one thing she could do to end the pain and avoid him once and for all.

When she came out of the shower, Natasha was sitting on her bed, patiently waiting for her.

“What?” Y/N hissed, moving around her to the dresser where she picked up clean clothes. “Are you here to give me a lesson, because I am not in the mood to listen to that.”

“I understand that you are pissed at Barnes,” she started. “He had no right to do that, however-”

“I shouldn’t attack him. Sorry, not sorry,” she said and hid in the bathroom where she changed into clean clothes. “He deserved that. He deserved to be punched in that… perfect face of his. Fucking mother fucker…”

“Oh Y/N,” she sighed. She stood up from the bed and when her friend came back to the room, she tightly hugged her. “You like him, don’t you?” she declared sadly.

“No, I don’t.”

She frowned. “Come on. If you don’t and really hate him as you present yourself, you would already punch his face and make him suffer a bit more. I know you pretty well.”

“Nat,” she pushed her body away. “I don’t like him. He treats me like shit like he would like to get rid of me. But, if he wants it so much, so be it. Give me a few days and I’ll be gone.”

The redhead raised her brows, unsure if she meant what she thought. “What are you saying?”

Y/N sat down on the bed, tired from the conversation. “I will ask for a transfer, not from one department to another but to a base in London.”

“No. We can solve this,” she pleaded. “I will talk to him and make him apologize to you.”

“For fuck’s sake, Nat. He would never mean it sincerely. I don’t want to hear that. Now, I want to be left alone. I am tired and would like to rest,” and she slammed the door, waiting for her to leave.

It was rude. She would never kick her friend out of her bedroom. And Natasha knew well not to push Y/N. This time, she was upset and wasn’t in the mood to talk or argue, or anything. When Natasha left without another word, she reached for her tablet where she typed the e-mail, asking for a transfer. The HQ in London sounded like a place she could picture herself living in.

The process would take some time, and an interview, where they would question her reasons, was necessary, but she was determined to do it. Being in love with a man that despised her was damaging. Without him and his nagging, she would be able to focus on her work and forget about him.

A knock on the door interrupted her. Annoyed by the intruder, she rolled her eyes. “What?” she growled.

“Y/N, open up,” said Sam urgently. “You cannot do this.”

She never sprinted from the bed to the door this fast. But she was pissed even more now. Steam was coming out of her ears. She had enough today. When she opened the door, Steve was standing there as well, eyes sad like a puppy.

“Y/N.”

“No,” she stopped them. “I don’t want to hear it. I am not changing my mind.”

“You can’t be serious,” Sam whined.

“Good night, boys,” and she slapped the door in front of their faces.

If those two came, others would too and she wasn’t in the mood to hear any more words. Quickly, she put on some jeans and a plain shirt, packed a few clothes into a backpack and left her room through the window. Some would say it was childish, but she didn’t give a fuck anymore. With her skills and powers, she managed to climb down the wall and sneak into the garage where she borrowed one of the motorbikes.

At that same time, someone knocked on the door of her room.

“Y/N, it’s me,” said Bucky with a lower, almost sad voice. “Please, open. I would like to apologize.”

Not a sound came out of her room.

“Come on, Y/N. I want to talk to you. Can I please come on?” he asked politely. Still, nothing.

Bucky opened the door, peeking in. Her bed was messy, some clothes were on the floor. He noticed the window open. She ran away. What had he done?

His heart broke. This time, he knew he crossed the line, but there was a reason why he did it. He didn’t want to admit it to anyone, not even himself. Now, she’s gone.

Bucky came back to the kitchen, his face pale. “Uh,” his voice broke, not knowing how to announce it to the team.

“So?” Natasha waited, arms crossed over her breasts.

“She, uh, ran away.”

“What?!” they all gasped simultaneously.

“What do you mean ran away?” Sam asked. “See, this is why you should have told her the truth weeks ago, but no, you had to be a dick and make her feel miserable.”

“The truth?” Wanda joined in.

He rolled his eyes. “Come on, isn’t it obvious? He likes the girl but treats her like shit.”

“I… don’t like Y/N,” he failed to lie.

Natasha sat down on a barstool, face hiding into her hands. “Oh my god, for a trained assassin, you suck at lying.”

“Are you in love?” Steve asked.

“No,” Bucky said. Again, no one was convinced.

“Liar, liar, pants on fire,” Sam rolled his eyes.

Barnes groaned, leaning against the nearest wall. “What do you want me to say? That I like her and don’t want her to go to Tokyo because I am scared she would get hurt?!”

“Well, maybe, if you had talked to her, none of this would happen.”

Steve shook his head. “Do we have any idea where she could have gone?”

They were silently thinking, but no answer was coming to their minds. “She has no one in the city or around,” Wanda was the first one to speak. “I don’t even know if she has a family or any other friends outside us.”

“She doesn’t,” Nat said.

“We are her family,” Sam commented, still pissed.

“She left on her own,” Steve said. “I think we should wait until tomorrow morning and if she’s not back and doesn’t send a message, we will go look for her.”

“I just hope she will think twice and not ask for a transfer,” Natasha sighed.

“What?” Bucky’s voice hitched. “What transfer?”

“She wants to leave, because of you,” Sam growled at him and he huffed. “You were so mean to her that she is fed up with you. Buck, Y/N is so sick of you that she needs an outing. And this is a perfect opportunity for her.”

Tony came to the kitchen with a frown on his face. He had a hologram over his hand and he was checking documents. “I hate to break it to you but she already asked for a transfer.” He showed him the email she sent before she left.

Natasha already had her phone on the ear, calling her. Unfortunately, she had turned off her phone. “She’s not picking up. I might try to track what I can.”

“No,” Steve stopped her. “Let her be and we will wait until tomorrow morning. I suggest we all take a break, go to bed and think about what happened,” he stood up from a chair and went out of the kitchen. “Night, everyone.”

Natasha and Sam left without a word, followed by Tony and Wanda. Bucky stayed there alone. His mind was running wild, cursing himself for what he had done. This is what he wanted all along. He should be happy - but wasn’t.

Steve was right, he should wait until tomorrow morning and deal with it.

Meanwhile, Y/N was in a hotel room in the city, enjoying peace and quiet. She was hidden under the covers and watching TV, laughing at her favourite TV show Friends. It never failed to amuse her.

She had her phone turned off and hidden in the backpack. She had to pay for the room with cash, otherwise, someone from the team would already be banging on her door.

The transfer was an amazing idea. She could perfectly picture herself walking down the street in London, eating fish and chips, enjoying the sights and tea. She loved tea. Of course, it would take time to make new friends, but she survived before she joined the team. She could do it all over again.

When the Ross and Rachel kissing scene appeared, her laugh and smile disappeared from her face. The scene was adorable and all she wanted was for them to be together. She used to fantasize about her and Bucky, having their romantic kiss. But she knew that would never happen - not after today. With a deep breath, she tried to get rid of those thoughts and simply focused on the show.

Her mind kept drifting back to the team and Bucky. I kept her occupied almost all night.

…

After a lovely breakfast in the hotel, she packed her belongings and went back to the HQ. Her stomach was making flips as she was nearing the compound. She knew they would question her and make a speech about her not leaving, but she was determined to do it.

Another idea popped into her head - moving from the team immediately. She still had some money and would be able to pay rent for a few months in the city. And even though she felt sad for leaving the team, the thought of Barnes made her blood boil. It was all his fault. Maybe his ego and masculinity couldn’t handle the fact that there were too many females in the team. She laughed.

Once she parked the motorcycle in the garage, Tony’s voice came roaring from the walls. “Welcome home. We missed you.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and kept silent.

“Wow, you must be really pissed. Listen, I know you are mad and upset and would like to punch the Manchurian Candidate in his perfect teeth but, please, don’t leave us. We can solve this whole problem once and for all. Come, we are waiting for you in the living room.”

She didn’t listen. Instead, she went straight to her room, where she locked herself and started to pack the most important stuff she had - clothes, books, cosmetics and of course she put in a group picture with the team.

A tear escaped her eye as she kept staring at the photo. She loved them with her whole heart. But as she kept looking at the photo, she noticed she didn’t fit in. It was just her head messing with her, but she believed it. Everyone looked Godly, like a Greek sculpture and she was just an outsider.

She turned around the room and checked it one last time before she left it with a suitcase and a filled backpack. With all her belongings, she came slowly to the living room where the whole team was impatiently sitting. Tony was already drinking some whisky with Sam. The rest of them had coffee or tea.

Y/N didn’t make a sound. She just crossed her arms over her breasts and kept looking down at the floor. She bit the inside of her cheek.

“Y/N!” they started to say her name but she didn’t react.

“Why did you leave?”

“Why did you turn off your phone?”

“I’m so glad you are with-” Sam stopped talking when he noticed the suitcase behind her. “What is that?” he pointed at it. “Y/N, tell me this is a sick joke.”

“You are leaving?” Natasha’s eyes widened.

“No,” Steve shook his head. “You are not leaving. We will discuss everything, alright?”

She never said a word. She didn’t have the energy. And the one person that hurt her the most kept silent. They all tried, he didn’t. Her head raised up and she glared at them, one by one.

“Please, sit,” Wanda pointed at the spot next to her.

This time, it was her time to talk. She was thinking about leaving without a word, but she decided to tell them what was running on her mind and heart.

“I have been thinking,” she started slowly, still keeping the same posture. “About the whole situation that has been happening for months,” she sounded tired. “I don’t know what went wrong or when it all turned to shit, but everything that has been happening, made me question myself a lot. It got me thinking whether I belong here or not.”

“Of course you belong,” Steve sighed sadly.

“I came to the conclusion that,” she stopped for a moment, thinking about the picture she packed. She was different; she didn’t fit. “I don’t belong here.”

“Don’t say that,” Natasha stopped her. “Don’t you say something that is not true?”

“I don’t belong here, Natasha. I am not an Avenger or someone that looks like a model from magazines. I am not one of you and even though I have some abilities that could kill a person, I am too different. I don’t fit. Someone made it really clear over the past few months,” she said.

“Y/N,” Bucky sighed, his heart-shattering. He caused this.

She took a deep breath. It was hard to let out the words. “I love you. You a- were my family but now, I must move on.”

Wanda’s eyes filled with tears. “No,” she was broken.

“It will be best for everyone around to change the air and make it easier to breathe.”

They all started talking at the same time. No matter what they tried to tell her, she had already decided to move on and leave. As they kept talking, she turned on her heel, grabbed her belongings and walked away.

“Y/N! Please, don’t do this.”

“Don’t leave. You belong here, with us,” it was Sam. “We can all agree that Barnes is a dick!”

But she didn’t turn around. As she was walking, she took out her phone from the pocket and smashed it on the ground, additionally stepping on it. She didn’t want to be tracked. It was a sign she was serious.

No one tried to actually stop her. She hoped Sam would be the one to drag her back to the living room and talk her out of it but he didn’t.

It turned out she was right. She didn’t fit and they obviously thought the same.

…

It all happened over a month ago. It was becoming less painful as she focused on her new life.

Y/N was in the city, living in a small, furnished apartment. It was a nice place, she had to admit. Although, she felt lonely. Usually, she would have coffee with the girls or hang out with Sam. Now, she was alone. It would take some time for her to get used to it.

The next few days were long, but it got better. She met some people the other night at a bar down the street. It all happened spontaneously. First time in a long time, she wasn’t alone. It was a very amusing group of young people. They even invited her to play darts with them.

She was walking down the street, late in the evening with a hot tea in her hands as she kept checking the surroundings and mapping the city. She wasn’t afraid of walking alone. She was an Avenger - was. Her mind rather kept drifting to the new people she met.

She hadn’t heard from anyone from the team, nor did they try to find her. She was right, she didn’t belong and they didn’t care as they presented.

“Hey beautiful, wanna hang out?” a voice said behind her back.

“Come with us and let’s have some fun,” said another man.

Y/N rolled her eyes and kept walking, ignoring them. It was annoying that men thought it was alright to catcall women and follow them. Fortunately for her, they didn’t know who they would be dealing with.

“Hey, darling, wait for us,” they tried again.

A moment later, two men came to her side, smiling at her. One of them dared to put an arm around her shoulders. “We are talking to you, gorgeous. You don’t have a mouth?”

“Maybe she is an obedient little girl, not talking to strangers,” the other one laughed.

“What do you say, little one?”

Y/N was annoyed as never before; not even Barnes was this annoying. She stopped walking and gave the men a death glare, shaking off the arm around her. “You fuckers are on very thin ice,” she warned them. “This is your only warning.”

“Oh,” the first one almost moaned. “I love a challenge, sweetheart.” Before she knew what was happening, they took her to the alley next to a giant garbage bin and they forced her to the wall. A hand appeared pressed on her neck. “Not so tough now, huh?”

“We should teach you a lesson, pretty face.”

“Oh, you really think I am pretty?” She faked a smile and her eyes blinked a few times innocently. “Thanks, guys,” and she twisted his hand as Natasha showed her once during training, making him scream in pain. Something snapped in his wrist. With her power, she threw him on the opposite wall. As she was about to spin around and kick the other guy, he was already grabbed by the neck by a black and gold vibranium hand and thrown on the gold ground.

“Don’t touch her!” Bucky growled at him like a wolf. His eyes were dark and ready to kill him. His fist came in contact with the man’s face.

Y/N sighed. Of course, this would happen. “I don’t need your help, Barnes. I got it under control.”

“Sure you did,” he scoffed.

Her hands were in the air, already annoyed by his presence and stupid remark. “What the actual fuck, Barnes. You have the audacity to come here, pretend how you saved me from two fuckers and then underestimate me? What the fuck?”

His flesh hands grabbed her by her forearm and he dragged her out of the alley, heading to a black Audi that definitely belonged to Stark.

“Leave me alone,” she got away from his grip and used her power to push him away. “Don’t you ever touch me again!”

The people started to turn around and watch this two scream at each other. Some of them didn’t pay attention to them, others even opened their phones and started to record them. That was a trend at this time - people being nosy and watching the drama unfold that had to be captured on a phone.

“You are coming with me. I am taking you home where you belong.”

“I am not going with you. Why should I? To listen to you complaining about me, making my life miserable? Because I feel like shit when I am at the HQ with you, under one roof. I cannot stand the fact you hate me so much and make my life a living hell, making me as if I am nothing!”

Bucky hated every word that came out of her mouth. He was the one that caused her pain with his actions and attitude, even when in reality he loved her and it scared the shit out of him. Nothing scared him more than the love he carried in his heart for the woman who hated his guts.

Before he could think twice, his hands were gripping her shoulders, staring into her beautiful yet angry eyes. “You have to come home, Y/N. The team misses you. I fucking miss you. You belong to the team, to the family. I fucked up, I know. I need you to come home.”

“What kind of bullshit is that?” she questioned. “You miss me? I have no home. You made sure of that.”

She dared to look into his blue eyes. She noticed how sad and tired they were as if he didn’t sleep for days. Was he telling the truth? That was impossible. He hated her and this was a trick. As she kept looking into his eyes, she forgot to push him away again.

“I am not joking,” he sighed. “I know you will not believe, not trust me, but I am telling the truth.”

“The hell you are,” she rolled her eyes, annoyed. “Let me go and let me live my li-”

A shot was heard from the back, taking Y/N’s breath away. A yelp escaped her throat as she felt a painful sting hitting her right shoulder.

“Y/N!” Bucky screamed her name, quickly taking her into his arms and moving them around the car to take cover. She was hissing in pain, bleeding from her shoulder. When Bucky took out his gun from the holster hidden under his jacket, he tried to shoot the person who dared to harm Y/N. It was one of the guys that tried to assault her. He was armed.

The people were panicking, running around, trying to hide. Bucky aimed his gun towards the first man, shooting him in the leg. Then he took cover again as another shot was fired at him.

Y/N was hissing from all the pain, trying to overcome it by focusing on the panicked crowd of people and Bucky’s voice talking to her. His hand was pressed against her bleeding shoulder as he kept talking sweet nothings to her.

“I’m fine,” she gritted her teeth. “It stings. Fuck.”

“Please, focus on me,” he tried to turn her head towards him, her eyes catching his. “Do you live nearby? Or should I take you to the hospital?”

“I live one block away. It’s nothing, take me home.”

When Bucky looked up again, the other man was gone, leaving his friend on the ground, bleeding from his leg. At the same time, the police cars stopped by them, officers running towards Bucky and Y/N as well as the man.

“Mr Barnes,” the cop’s eyes widened. “Ms Y/L/N, we’re calling the ambulance.”

“No need,” she said. “It’s just a scratch.”

“The man on the ground shot first. His friend, who ran away, and he tried to take advantage of her,” he explained. “But they forgot they were dealing with an Avenger.”

“I am not an Avenger.”

“Yes you are,” Bucky spat back.

The cop and Bucky helped Y/N stand up as they opened the back seat door and put her in. “We’ll be in touch, Mr Barnes. Take her to the hospital.”

When Bucky sat behind the wheel, she heard her growl in pain, gasping for air. “Fucking shit,” she took a deep breath. “Take me home, now. I will show you where.”

He knew not to question her or do as he thought was the best. Bucky took her home and she took him to the apartment she temporarily lived in. It was a small, yet cosy place - a place where he could imagine himself with her by his side, spending their lives together.

“First aid?” he asked.

“Bathroom, the lower cabinet under the sink,” she threw herself on the couch.

He did as told, bringing it back to the living room where she struggled with her bloody clothes. Without a word, he helped her rip off the shirt she wore, only to get to the wound that was still bleeding.

“I can see the bullet,” he whispered when he cleaned the wound. “It’s going to-”

Her fingers were already deep in the wound, taking the bullet out of the shoulder. Profanities were leaving her mouth.

“It’s going to need a few stitches, Y/N,” he commented when he checked the wound from back to front. “Please, let me take you to HQ where they will treat you.”

“And then what, you expect me to run back to you and relive everything again?” she frowned. “Why would I possibly do that?”

“Come on, Y/N, let me help you.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” she rolled her eyes, annoyed.

Bucky’s lower lip trembled. He had to tell her, even though he knew she wouldn’t believe her. But it was worth the try. “I- I love you, Y/N.”

Her eyes widened and the world stopped for a second for her to process the words. Of course, he wasn’t serious. “You don’t love me.”

“I swear, on my life, I fucking love you, Y/N. And I was terrified of those feelings.”

She shook her head. “Why are you doing this? To hurt me even more? What kind of sick joke is this? You don’t love me, James,” she raised her voice. “This isn’t love. This is you manipulating me to come back and be somewhere I don’t belong.”

“You do belong to the team,” his voice trembled. “And I do love you.”

“You don’t,” she shouted at him and her eyes filled with tears. “How could you love me when you broke me, Bucky? I loved you, I wanted nothing more than to be with you. And you treated me like trash as if I was no one, not worthy of being an Avenger. That’s not love.”

All this time, she loved him. His heart shattered. How could he not see?

“You have made me insecure and weak. You made me leave and now you are telling me you love me? How would you let someone you love suffer?”

His hands grabbed her face as his eyes got easily lost on hers. A tear escaped his eye as he was listening to her. “I will beat myself every day for treating you like shit because you don’t deserve that.”

She kept quiet. “How can I believe you?”

“You don’t,” he said. “But I will do everything to show you that I am not lying. I will do anything to gain your trust. Maybe I will not get your love and that is fine. After everything I have done to you, I don’t deserve it.”

Y/N bit her lower lip, shaking her head. “You wanna make amends? Fine. Patch my shoulder.”

Bucky got to work without any questions. He wanted to help her fix the wound. If only he could fix her heart and soul. Maybe after that, she would ask him to leave. He finished it in silence.

“There is a suitcase in my wardrobe,” she pointed at the small bedroom. “Take it out and put it on the bed.” Bucky’s eyes shone. Would she come back to the team? “I will go back until I have to settle for the transfer.”

At that moment, Bucky leaned away from her. “Yeah, about that, Tony got rid of your application and cancelled everything that was planned - his idea.”

“Alright, so, I’m going to kick his ass when I’m back at the HQ,” and for the first time in weeks, she laughed. The image popped into her head. It was funny.

Bucky smiled from ear to ear, amused by her sentence. “Well, I can help you with that, you know, as a part of making amends.” Without thinking, he took her face into his hands, staring deeply into her eyes. “I am so sorry, Y/N. I really am.”

It was hard to breathe. “Just take me home,” she said with tears in her eyes. “If I can still call it home and am welcomed there.

“Of course you are. We have been looking for you since you left. We thought that maybe, you would be back a day or two later but when you didn’t, it was our mission to find you and bring you back.”

“Just bring me my coat so I don’t go like this outside,” she pointed at her bloodied and torn clothes and a patched shoulder.

A genuine smile appeared on Bucky’s face. “As you wish. What about your belongings?”

She waved a hand, her energy low. “I will deal with that later.”

As requested, he went to her bedroom and found a long black coat. Then, he noticed a photo on a nightstand - the whole team during Tony’s party. He knew the night like the back of his hand because the only thing he could focus on was her in that seductive red dress. It made his heart warm.

The ride to the HQ was long and silent. Y/N rather kept her head turned to the window, watching nature when they left the city. The silence was better than bickering. She was waiting for the plot twist, but it didn’t come. Occasionally, she could see Bucky’s reflection in the window. His head would turn to her from time to time, checking her out.

When they parked in front of the main building, Steve, Natasha and Sam were already outside, awaiting her arrival. They were all smiles and cheers until they found the wound on her shoulder. The bandage was already covered in blood. The wound needed stitches.

“What the fuck happened?” Sam panicked.

Natasha quickly grabbed her by the left arm, helping her get inside as fast as possible. “It’s his fault,” she said.

“What?!” Sam and Steve turned to Bucky, ready to scream at him.

“She’s joking. She got shot by a predator,” he put his hands in the air in defeat.

“Nat, take her to the med bay, you, my friend, will give us an update upstairs,” Steve gave orders.

For now, Y/N and Bucky’s roads split. Y/N was glad she didn’t have to look at his face because those sad, puppy eyes were killing her. Her mind kept drifting to him and therefore she didn’t listen to a word Natasha said to her.

“Give me the coat,” she heard after a while. The warm material slipped off her shoulders and was taken away. Hands were working over her wound, taking off the bloody bandages.

“Y/N?” Natasha said her name. “Are you alright?”

She wasn’t. She blinked a few times. “I don’t know,” she mumbled. “I am tired.”

“You lost a lot of blood,” Bruce said from behind her. “Nothing life-threatening but you might feel tired.”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah, that would be it.”

“How did Barnes find you,” Natasha asked.

“I have no idea. Suddenly, he was there and we were squabbling in the middle of the street. It was very entertaining considering the fact that people kept recording us,” she rolled her eyes. “And he didn’t shoot me. Two assholes thought they would be able to rape me but miscalculated. Unfortunately, one of them had a gun and while we were in the middle of a verbal fight, I got shot from the back.”

“Uh, Y/N? Why don’t you lie down on your left side? You are losing colour,” Bruce pointed at her face.

“Yeah,” she nodded, doing as was told. “I really need a nap.”

Before he could hear Natasha’s words and Bruce comments, she fell asleep on the med bed while they treated her shoulder.

…

She woke up a few hours later, still being in the med bay, resting on a bed. Wanda was sitting by her side, waiting for her to wake up. “Hey,” she whispered, smiling at her.

“Wanda, what are you doing here?”

“I came to check up on you. You have been sleeping for some hours. How are you feeling?”

Y/N sat up, hissing in pain coming from the fixed shoulder. “I am well. Bit of pain here and there but it will get better.”

Something was running through Wanda’s mind as if she wanted to ask something. It took her some time, but she did. “How’s it between you and Bucky?”

Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes. “Please, that’s a whole chapter. He thinks that confessing love to me will make me forget everything. Such a liar.”

“Uh,” Wanda sighed, taking Y/N’s hand into hers. “He’s not lying.”

“What?”

“Bucky is not lying. He really is in love with you,” she whispered.

“No,” Y/N gasped. “No, he isn’t,” she still couldn’t believe it. “No. He just said it to…”

Wanda shook her head. “You should have seen him. He wasn’t sleeping, he was looking for you the whole time. He found you by the city live cameras and footage of you in a bar, hanging with some people.”

“He really loves me?” and Wanda simply nodded. “I don’t know whether to be happy or sad. I don’t know how to feel.”

“Give it time,” she suggested. “I know it’s not easy after what happened.”

There was a knock on the door and Sam entered without waiting. He was smiling like a child, happy to see Y/N back in the HQ. “Wassup baby?” he grinned, sitting on the opposite side of the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Took a long nap so I can’t complain.”

“Well, you look way better than Barnes. He’s literally on the verge of a breakdown,” he laughed.

Y/N shook her head. “Sam, that is not funny. You should take care of him and not laugh at him.”

“Well, he deserves to suffer,” he said. “He hurt you, Y/N. He should feel bad for his actions. We almost lost you because of his actions. So, no, I don’t feel bad for him.”

“Did you know he’s in love with me?” Y/N changed the topic, waiting for his reaction. “He told me when he patched me up in my apartment.”

“First, he did a terrible job,” he said, which almost resulted in Y/N throwing a pillow at him. “And two, I didn’t. Well, I knew he liked you, I didn’t know he was in love with you.”

“What are you going to do about it?” Wanda spoke.

She shrugged. “I have no idea.”

Sam reached for her hand. “Y/N, do you love him? Because Natasha told us, and by us, I mean everyone except Barnes, that you actually like him.”

She was getting tired again. “I did- I do- I don’t know,” she shook her head and leaned back. “I’m hurt, I have mixed feelings and I have no idea what I’m going to do. If I could, I would run away all over again.”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Sam threatened her with a raised finger.

“It takes time,” said Wanda. “Just let time do its magic and you’ll see. If you are meant to be together, you will find your way to each other.”

Y/N grinned, rolling her eyes at the cheesy words. “Guys, I need you to do something for me. Take my keys, I will give you an address and please, bring back all my clothes to HQ.”

“So, you’ll stay?” Wanda smiled.

“Yeah, I’m staying. But I’m still kicking Tony’s ass for deleting my transfer request.”

. . .

In the evening, Bruce let her leave the med bay but ordered her to bed rest and no training for two weeks. Natasha and Wanda brought her belongings back to the HQ and left them in her room. Sam had to help Steve and Fury with a mission report.

The team treated her like royalty. Tony made sure she had food in her room hot and ready to eat. Steve stole a quick hug before he had to do some work. Clint and his wife sent you a nice text. The only person that didn’t see her in the med bay or hadn’t talked to her was Bucky. Maybe he finally took a nap or took care of himself since she came back to the team.

She missed her bed, her room and bathroom. The food Tony ordered for her smelled nice. It was a healthy meal with a lot of vegetables and meat. She sat at the desk where the plate was, ready to dig in when a knock interrupted her.

“Come in.”

She was expecting Natasha, Wanda or even Vision to come to visit her. But she certainly wasn’t expecting Bucky.

“Hey,” he barely whispered.

“Hi,” she said back.

“How are you feeling?” he closed the door behind him.

“Not bad,” she looked at her patched shoulder. “Still taking some pain killers but it’s good. What about you? I’ve heard you haven’t been taking care of yourself.”

He shook his head. “So they told you,” he chuckled.

“Yes, they did. And you need to take care of yourself.”

“I- I don’t feel like I deserve any type of self-care,” he admitted. His words made her heartbreak.

Y/N stood up from the desk, approached him only to take his hand and made him sit behind the desk. “Eat, now.”

He shook his head. “This is your food. I can’t-”

“Shut up and eat, Barnes.”

With a simple laugh, he nodded, taking a fork into his hand and taking a bite of the meat. “I feel bad for eating your meal.”

“And Imma kick your ass if you don’t finish the plate,” she said sternly, sitting down on the bed, eyes never leaving his figure. “Just because something happened, doesn’t mean you will stop eating and sleeping.”

“Y/N, I just-”

“No, I don’t want to hear it,” she stopped him again. “Anything can be fixed. It needs time; time for me to heal and get back to this life as an Avenger.”

He nodded. They kept silent until he finished the whole plate. Y/N was on her tablet, reading some news articles. “Y/N,” he said carefully. “What I said back there, in your apartment, was all true. It still is true.”

If the situation was different, if the last few months never happened, she would jump on him, expressing the same feelings. Now, she was perplexed. The only reaction she was capable of was a simple nod.

“And I totally understand that you don’t feel the same. After everything that I put you through-”

“I feel the same,” she sighed, eyes rather focusing on her bed. “It’s just-” She didn’t know what to say. “This whole situation is so difficult and confusing.”

“I know,” Bucky nodded. “And I am sorry. It is all my fault.”

This time, she nodded because it was true. “You know, there is still hope. If you really mean everything you said, you have enough room to prove it and show that the three beautiful words every girl wants to hear are true.”

As she said, there was hope and Bucky’s eyes sparkled from the second chance he got, even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. “Other people would give up,” he commented.

“Well, I’m not like other people,” she said. “Tell me this - why did you turn and start to hate me?”

“I didn’t-”

“I know. But the question stands. Why? Was it because of the feelings?”

He thought back at the day when he decided to take a step back. That day, he discovered how jealous he was when she talked to other men and it proved that he was madly in love with her. “I got jealous,” he cleared his throat. “And I realized that I was drowning in the feelings I felt - feel - towards you. Therefore, I became a dick and here we are.”

“Oh, Barnes,” she shook her head, chuckling.

Bucky had to laugh. “I know, I am an idiot.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, finally looking up and locking eyes with him. Bucky’s cheeks were red and he was biting his inner cheek. “But you are my idiot.”

His eyes widened at those words. “Thank you, for giving me a chance.”

“Of course,” she smiled. “But give it time. It cannot be fixed with a snap of fingers.”

Bucky did as was told and his behaviour changed and treated Y/N the way she deserved. He didn’t push it too much. He never intervened when she was assigned to a dangerous mission. And at a party, he would talk to her and the team, laughing their asses off while drinking. When a woman approached him, he politely turned her down. But the same thing did Y/N.

Bucky was trying really hard and she did too. The team noticed the shift in the air when they were together. Steve was glad when he found them sitting in the living room, next to each other, talking and discussing a TV show.

“I was thinking,” Bucky said later that evening as they were alone in the living room, still watching some sit-coms. “Would you like to go on a date with me?”

“A date?” she smiled. “I’ve never been on one,” she admitted.

“Really?” he was surprised.

“Yes. The boys these days don’t know how to treat girls and thus I have never been on a proper date.”

“Then let me take you, Y/N. How about tomorrow - we’ll go to the cinema to see a movie and then I’ll take you to a nice sushi place because I know you love sushi.”

She smiled lovingly at him. “That is correct. I love sushi. I love Asian cuisine.”

“Good,” he took one of her hands into his and gently kissed the back of it. “So, what do you say?”

“I would love that, James.”

The TV kept illuminating their faces as they kept staring into each other’s eyes, both smiling. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” Y/N replied.

“Can I-” he took a deep breath. “Can I kiss you?”

She bit her lower lip, blushing. “Yeah, you can.”

Bucky closed the gap between them, his lips gently pressing against her lips. It was soft, gentle. Then, the kiss deepened, Bucky’s tongue slipping between her lips. Their tongues battled a little until the kiss ended. He quickly kissed her temple. “I love you, Y/N,” he whispered.

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