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assignmentimprobable · 2 years

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Quick and dirty essay about gender roles in Eyes Wide Shut (1999) because I can’t keep my mouth shut for my own good.

Analysis below the cut as always.

I think the function and framing of gender is a stage set by the scene where Alice and Bill smoke a blunt together and their views come to center ground.There’s something that’s being communicated here without it actually being… Communicated, for lack of better word.

Gender and sexuality are separate concepts as in one does not necessarily fulfill the conditions for another, but the policing of gender roles always loops in sexuality as another dimension of that policing. Therefore I feel that it’s a really important component of the forgoing analysis.

The conflict is the heteronormative and bioessentialist views of gender. Biological essentialism as defined by the Oxford Dictionary is “the belief that ‘human nature’, an individual's personality, or some specific quality (such as intelligence, creativity, homosexuality, masculinity, femininity, or a male propensity to aggression) is an innate and natural ‘essence’ (rather than a product of circumstances, upbringing, and culture).”

Bill and Alice’s debate in the bedroom is moved by the bioessentialist view of gender. That women are more faithful than men because they do not have the physical drive to seek out sex and infidelity as a result.

Bill believes that men have one thing on their minds at default and that women don’t. Alice disagrees and proves him wrong, while also turning his own logic back on him. She made the decision of infidelity, but she did not have or make the opportunity to carry it out. Her infidelity is symbolic, but still hurtful.

Hereronormativity comes into play when we consider the one man, one woman - homemaker and breadwinner default dynamic that permeates many households. It comes into play in a really specific way here: Bill and Alice are not getting to the root of their feelings. This is because heteronormativity has instilled the idea that within a marriage, talking about the raw and uncut in a vulnerable way is an indication of giving something up. It’s a game and it has a loser. Bill and Alice are in unconscious competition with one another, they’re afraid to lose by admitting to what they want and what they’re afraid of and what they need:

Alice wants Bill to be jealous. In his jealousy, she hopes for attention and the signal that he cares for her, that she exists in such a strong place in his mind that she is coveted. What she wants is attention, the last line of the movie and her breakdown about the women whose bodies Bill has to touch as a doctor makes that evident. Bill’s clinical and busy and likely more impersonal than he was in the hotter and heavier years of the marriage, and she likely feels bereft because she no longer has the art gallery to maintain that distance and business. Alice’s need for Bill’s jealousy to symbolize his attention and desire is a very heterosexual belief. I’ve had the misfortune of being in such relationships where that was an expectation- jealousy at even the slightest interaction with another person and their partner means “care” and “love.” Alice does not know how to communicate her need and her struggles, so she lashes out.

Bill is hurt when Alice confesses. He does not know that he can trust her, and there’s no way for him to communicate this because the movie’s construction of masculinity forces his silence. He doesn’t get to say “what you said hurt me. A fantasy is one thing, but the definitive decision to leave it, us (him and Holly), all behind if given the chance has damaged my trust in you.” Instead, he gets to treat it like she’s already cheated and seek out ways to get back at her. HE has the opportunity, but not the hard line decision to cross the gap and cheat (depending on your definition. I think kissing other women and entering situations where sex is the expectation for both parties is enough to constitute a form of cheating. But I’m staying within the text’s definitions for the most part). He needed reassurance, but instead of saying that he left the situation and the need unaddressed in favor of the anger. The anger is easier.

There is this uncrossable gap because they have perceived it that way as a result of the construction of the male and female relationship, and what goes unsaid stays in the space between. They’re naked, but they couldn’t be less shielded if they tried. They never talk about it again, not really. Nobody wins here, they’re both fucking miserable being bound by these structures.

Pivoting back to gender roles:

Bill’s framing and fears of Alice’s fidelity do not center her. It centers another man, the naval officer fucking her. The black and white scenes where she’s cheating on him present a picture of another man doing something TO her, and her passive participation. The “letting”. This is indicative of Kubrick’s views of gender roles and sexuality through the movie. Especially when Alice treats Bill as if he’s participated in sex acts because his women patients may have passive participation in sexuality through his handling of their breasts and such. It doesn’t matter that it’s clinical and impersonal for him, or that he does not furnish his consent for those hypothetical fantasies- passivity for HER is enough to be jealous about.

The man is active, always active. Bill is active because Kubrick’s definition of heterosexual masculinity pushes him to the belief that he has to be. His hurt, his fear, and his wounded pride are bound to that social construction of the masculine and it says a lot that it makes him miserable. This construction is based on homophobia, his masculinity is wounded and he’s walking the streets, he gets homophobic slurs thrown at him and battered by other straight men. He denies participation in the sex ritual and gets assumed gay by the hotel clerk. The narrative is in its own way almost punishing him based on his proximity to its ideas of the masculine? The atmosphere of such scenes is always off-putting, there is a sense of “wrongness” and unsettling that I’ve seen Kubrick do before (and I am quite frankly: not a fucking fan of.)

TLDR: I lied. This essay wasn’t quick at all. Movie could have been avoided if not for the rigidity of gender roles preventing an honest dialogue between a married couple, but then no movie. Stanley is still on my shitlist, but interesting movie tho... So many thoughts.

#eyes wide shut #eyes wide shut 1999 #Alice harford #bill harford

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toa-kirhan · 1 year

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First time watching ToH S1E19 (Young Blood, Old Souls). Thoughts below:

Detailed thoughts:

A fantastic finale to wrap up the first season of ToH! The team have already set a high benchmark for themselves, I wonder how they’ll surpass it in the next 2(-ish, I heard season 3 is made up of 3 specials).

These two episodes have been great for demonstrating Eda and Luz’s relationship. Although they’re only known each other for so long, Eda and Luz truly love and care for each other, willing to sacrifice their own health and well-being to protect each other. Luz puts it best herself, “But we’re a family! Us weirdos have to stick together, remember?” That heartbreaking callback to the first episode from Luz really gets at the core of what makes their relationship work.

Luz’s only friends or family that we know of is her mother. Before coming to the Boiling Isles, Luz had no one else, and now that she seems to be stuck there indefinitely (w/ no reception, wifi, or way to charge her phone), she doesn’t even have that. At this point, Eda and everyone else really are the only family that Luz has left.

The same is true for Eda before Luz arrived. Back then, Eda only had King, Hooty, and Owlbert. Her parents are out of the picture, and her only sister pledged herself to a group dedicated to hunting her down and capturing her. Eda made her living scrounging junk that she got from the human world and beached trash slugs, struggling w/ a lifelong curse.

Over the course of the series, Luz’s overwhelming optimism has soothed Eda’s innate pessimism and allowing her to see the joy in things that she’s long dismissed like Moonlight Conjurings, coventions, and attending magic schools by looking at them through the eyes of someone who never had these opportunities to begin with.

Meanwhile, Eda’s pessimism has tempered Luz’s optimism, teaching her to be ready and weary of worldly dangers like Adegast, as well as teaching her patience and resourcefulness (key skills for Luz’s understanding and mastery of glyphs). In a way, Luz and Eda are both students and mentors to each other, especially now that Eda can no longer do magic herself either.

After showing us Lilith at her worst, this episode counters that by revealing the rest of Lilith’s backstory with the thoughts and feelings that drove her actions. Lilith cursed her sister out of jealousy, and due to her refusal to be proven wrong by her sister, she never admitted the truth to her, no matter how much she regretted it, assuring herself that she could solve everything herself by just capturing Eda and having her join the EC w/ her.

I will admit, even though I know the episode wants me to sympathize here w/ Lilith, even if just a little, I still find it hard to forgive her. I can’t believe the fact that Lilith cursed her own sister to become part of the EC, even if she did think it was temporary. Lilith couldn’t just accept Eda beating her and be proud of her sister’s accomplishments? She couldn’t have just waited to apply to the EC later when another spot opened up?

Although similar in setup and premise, I don’t have any issues w/ Amity when she revealed why she stopped being friends w/ Willow for one main reason: Amity was forced to stop seeing Willow. If she didn’t, her parents would have done everything in their power to destroy Willow’s future as a witch. Amity sacrificed her friendship for the sake of Willow. Lilith voluntarily sacrificed her sister’s future for the sake of her own.

While Lilith’s decision to share Eda’s curse at the end of the episode has helped rehabilitate her character, it doesn’t change the years of suffering that Eda went through because of her. Though, ultimately, whether Lilith deserves forgiveness is up to Eda. If she is able to forgive her sister for what she’s done to her, then it’s best to accept her decision.

Edit: With that said, and after some discussion, Amity isn’t without faults either. Although the initial reason why Amity let go of Willow as a friend is understandable, that doesn’t justify Amity’s patronizing behavior towards Willow or her passiveness in letting Boscha and her gang bully Willow for years afterwards, even if she did so to avoid “showing weakness.” Like w/ Lilith and Eda this episode, it was ultimately up to Willow whether to accept her apology or not.

Moving on to Emperor Belos, we’ve gotten a little bit more information about him this episode. As established, Belos instituted the Coven system to limit people’s ability to use magic to 9 basic types based on his claims that doing so goes against the Titan’s wishes. The truth of whether or not Belos himself believes that has yet to be seen. If he doesn’t, he didn’t drop the act in front of Luz.

It isn’t clear what Belos’ plan is, but I suspect it’s to unite the Boiling Isles/the Demon Realms w/ the Human Realm on the Day of Unity given his obsession w/ the portal and his assurance to Luz that he won’t simply invade it. The one question I have is Belos’ motivation for this, but as established above, unless we find out more about Belos and his powers, I can only guess as to the reasons why.

As with any good finale, this episode has completely changed the series’ status quo. Both Eda and Lilith are outlaws now and have to deal w/ a weakened curse. Similarly, Lilith’s magic is weakened while Eda can no longer do magic at all, like Luz. Whether Luz, Willow, and Gus will be allowed to continue studying at Hexside is unclear, as is Amity’s aspirations of joining the EC (considering her idol, Lilith, almost got petrified by them along w/ her crush’s mentor).

Plot threads that still need to be resolved: Amity’s crush on Luz, who is writing letters impersonating Luz to her mother, finding a cure for the curse (if there is one), the truth about Belos, the Day of Unity, and how to return Luz to the Human Realm (if she ever does).

General thoughts:

History book! We’re getting lore! Who’s the author?!

The giant skeletons are Titans! Also, the Boiling Isles are part of the Demon Realms, or at least connected to them.

So all magical species evolved on the Boiling Isles? Then where did the Titans get their magic? Is it because they’re demons?

Of course only the supreme leader and their cadre of most loyal enforcers have full control over magic. Why would it be any way else?

Wait, are wild witches turned into stone? I thought they were just bound to a coven. Is that what’s going to happen to Lilith when Eda escapes?

Oh, we’re not even getting the OP! We’re just going straight into the story!

Eda has quite the armory! I don’t rate keeping a loaded crossbow on the wall tho, that’s a lot of unnecessary tension on the bow limbs, not to mention how dangerous that is in general.

King sees Eda as his family ;v;

Belos’ eyes are blue now. Did he just drain the magic from someone else’s palisman? Oh, they change w/ what magic he uses?

I don’t see how Lilith honestly expects Eda to just roll over and submit to the Emperor, especially after admitting that she cursed her. If Lilith promised that to the Emperor, then I can only wonder what he’ll do when Eda’s inevitably rejects his offer.

The Wild Witch of Bonesborough is an amazing title.

Does Belos want to take over the human world?

Unsurprisingly, Belos refuses to cure Eda. I shouldn’t be surprised that a blindly loyal ideologue accepts every word that their leader tells them, but I am still disappointed in Lilith. Also, Lilith cursed her sister but can’t even undo it herself? Or is it just because she was in front of the Emperor and still processing his betrayal?

Perry Porter? Per Reporter?

First Petrification in 30 years? So that’s this world’s version of capital punishment.

The Conformatorium? We’re returning there again? Will we get to see-

Warden Wrath! Oh, he’s way less scary when Luz has magic. Either that, or Luz is way more scary when she has magic. I’m leaning towards both.

“Draw me a map!”

It seems like the Emperor’s grasp on power isn’t as tight as he thinks if the common people have doubts on whether Eda should be petrified in the first place.

Piniet, Bump, and Snaggleback crowd cameo!

So the regular guards can’t use magic?

Eda ;-;

“But we’re a family!” ;_;

NO, NOT THE PORTAL!

“I love you, Eda.”

“I love you too, kiddo.” ;_; o7

THEY’RE GOING TO THE HUMAN WORLD?!

GLYPH MAGIC DOESN’T WORK THERE?!

Lilith used to have curly hair. I wonder what causes all the hair color changes on the Boiling Isles (first the Cawthornes, then the Blights).

Are those the Blights in the background?

Eda turns into an owl demon and the EC just throws stones at her until she leaves? I’m doubting the EC’s competency more and more each episode.

Lilith’s magic still works? I guess that’s because the human world isn’t as innately magical as the Boiling Isles w/ the Titan, so glyphs fizzle out, but a witch’s magic is a innate part of their biology.

EC military band uniform!

Lilith wants Luz to rescue Eda on her own? I mean, sure, her glyph magic has gotten better (look how much she can do w/ those small sheets of paper), but just Luz on her own?

WHY DOES BELOS HAVE A FLESHY THRONE ROOM UNDER THE CONFORMATORIUM?

Augustus Porter! That’s his full name!

Eyeball eater! Potion seller! Principal Bump!

OH! That’s a disaster for the Emperor! His regime has to cover up the live footage of a chanting crowd demanding for Eda’s release, the most wanted witch on the Boiling Isles!

OH THAT PAN FROM THE CROWD TO BELOS AND LUZ UNDERGROUND!

SHE GOT HIM IN THE EYE!

What’s his scheme! He doesn’t want to invade the human world?

THE PORTAL! LUZ JUST DESTROYED HER ONLY WAY HOME!

WHAT! THE PAIN SHARING SPELL!

DOUBLE HETEROCHROMIA SISTERS!

AWW THE LIGHT SPELL! JUST LIKE THE OP! LUZ’S FIRST SPELL IS NOW EDA’S FIRST TOO!

IS THAT THE NEW SEASON ANTAGONIST?

THIS SERIES HAS ALSO HAS A SECRET BASEMENT PORTAL?!

OH THEY CHANGED THE ED TOO!

#the owl house #toh #toh season 1 #toh s1 #first watch

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bluerosethornrp · 10 months

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Original post by @nightmarist

A small deep dive into Rosey’s brain.

Mindfulness– Do they live in the moment? What keeps them present?

Rosey lives primarily in her own head—keeping her away from the present moment most of the time. Keeping her present is a challenge, but it is possible through actively holding conversation with her. Force Rosey to stay in the moment or she will withdraw into her head.

SELF-EFFICACY– Does the end justify the means? How do they approach their goals? Do they blame others for their own faults or admit them?

Rosey is acutely aware of her flaws. Most ends justify the means, unless it inconveniences her in some way. Rosey has little in the way of goals, preferring to take things a day at a time,

RESILIENCE– How do they handle loss or failure? What helps them stay resilient and bounce back from loss or failure?

Rosey has never taken loss or failure well, withdrawing into herself. Eventually after moping she will see it is illogical to keep the pity party going and pull herself out of her funks.

WISDOM– Are they open to other people’s perspectives? Do they look to history and past mistakes? What kinds of internal dialogue do they have about difficult situations?

Rosey is open to others perspectives, in fact she loves them. She tends to want to keep the past in the past and not think on it unless necessary. In difficult situations, she tends to blame herself if things go wrong.

LEARNING– What are they interested in learning about, if anything? What hobbies and skills do they have? Do they know how to make themselves happy?

Rosey is into the lore of monsters and specters, as well as studied art history. Their main skill is diffusing arguments with logic, and their main hobby is roller skating. Rosey does not need much to be happy.

OPEN-MINDEDNESS– How do they deal with disagreement? How do they balance different perspectives?

Rosey shuts down and out in arguments. Their ability to see both sides, after time, is quite balanced and fair, seeing both cons and pros of perspectives.

PERSEVERANCE– Do they believe success is based on innate ability, or learning to overcome the obstacle? Do they know when to quit? What are ways they identify their weaknesses and strength?

Rosey believes most things can be overcome and become successful, but they are not ignorant to the factors around “success” like connections. Rosey is likely to quite very quickly when faced with an obstacle. They are good at identifying weaknesses, but struggle to find positives about themselves overall.

VITALITY– Are they introverted, extroverted, or ambiverted? Are they more active or passive? What do they do to stay energetic? (NOTE: introvert does NOT mean they don’t like people, it means they need time alone to regain their energy for social situations).

Rosey is a textbook introvert. Passive, quite, ect. THey don’t do much to keep their energy up, besides exercise.

INTEGRITY– Do they stand firm in their beliefs? Would they lie or refrain from disagreeing to avoid confrontation?

Rosey has strong beliefs, but never expresses them. Totally would refrain or lie to keep the peace, it would take private confrontation to express her true feelings.

AUTHENTICITY– What are sub- and unconscious things that make them who they are? Who can they be themselves with, and who do they wear a mask for? What kinds of social roles do they perform?

Rosey spends time stimming in non-intrusive ways, which relate to her anxiety and autism. Rosey avoids performing roles at all cost—she hates being forced into a box. Rosey is constantly masking and only unmasks alone or with a trusted loved one.

SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE– Do they experience emotional empathy (innate ability to feel emotions for other people's feelings, i.e. happiness at success, grief at loss, etc), or cognitive empathy (may not feel grief but has a logical understanding that loss is painful, may not feel happy but has an innate understanding that someone’s success is a celebrated thing)? Are they aware of their own emotions and reactions? How well are they able to manage their emotions?

Rosey is better at cognitive empathy rather than emotional empathy—many would say she has no empathy at all. Again, is acutely aware of her emotional performances around others.

HUMILITY– Are they open to seeing their own faults when others point them? Are they realistic about themselves, or do they inflate negative or positive values? What is something they are genuinely proud of?

Rosey is a realist through and through, and maybe too accepting of people’s criticisms. Very likely to catastrophize. They are proud of their ability to cut through peoples bullshit and see their core. It saves them social hassle.

#rosey core #diabolik oc #diabolik lovers oc

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maggicktouched · 2 years

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Verena: Tentative ASoIaF/GoT/HotD Verse Note: While I am willing to adapt certain things for a verse, Verena’s appearance isn’t one of them. I’m going to say that the reason they don’t look like other dragons has to do with the spell that made them or some yet unknown breed of dragon. Also it has been a long time since I dabbled in this universe/read the books, so if any of this information is just like, wildly wrong or something bear with me. I tried to do the best research I could, and things may still change. If anyone wants to give me advice that’s totally fine.

Verena was born in Westeros in the year 105 AC. She the third child and first daughter of a minor lord of the house Hornwood and lived a fairly pleasant life growing up. Her father was a sickly man. His persistent illness allowed Verena a certain, uncommon closeness with her father, as she spent most of her younger years tending to him.

When Verena was twelve, she killed one of her cousins in a fit of cold rage after witnessing his attempted assault on one of her sisters. She followed him out into the forest several days after the attack, and as he dismounted his own horse, charged forward and slung a rope around his neck that she’d tied to her saddle. She dragged his body down to the river and cut the rope. When pressed, she foolishly admitted her crime to her father, thinking he would applaud her actions. Neither of her parents ever looked at her in the same way ever again. They did their best to cover up what had happened, and two years later, arranged to have her married and sent south---far away from the rest of the family.

She married a man by the name of Drexel who belonged to House Bracken. He was an older, foul tempered man whose two former wives had both died under questionable circumstances after failing to produce viable heirs. For four years the pair struggled to bring a pregnancy to term, in part due to her husbands age, and in part due to his tendency to lose his temper even when she was in a delicate state. As each year passed she drew quieter and more withdrawn. So much so that by the time she managed to bring her first child to term, many people wondered if she could speak at all.

Verena had never had many feelings about children one way or another, but when she gave birth to her first son, her whole worldview changed. She went on to have three more healthy children in the next seven years. Eventually Verena would take her Lord Husband’s life after he struck one of her children.

During the Dance of Dragons, Verena’s home was set upon by strange men. They might have been sorcerers or witches, or they might have been something else entirely. They ransacked the fort, slaughtering men and women alike, and stealing away with children. When they came for Verena’s own sons, she sent them away with a servant, armed herself with her dead husband’s sword, and attempted to fight off as many of the men as she could. She only managed to kill three of them before she was struck down.

When she awoke once more she was bare of clothing and being carelessly dragged down a stone hall in what appeared to be a cave. The men chained her to a metal table and began to carve out her flesh. Several times she lost consciousness from the pain, even more often than that she silently begged the gods for death, but each time she was brought back by being doused in cold water. After they finished their carving, the things poured blood and milk into the wounds, and then began to heap glowing coals onto the table---onto her.

The next time Verena regained consciousness, they were completely changed. They no longer had skin, but scale.

For the next few years Verena lived in a cramped hole in the earth, growing at a painful and impossible rate. The man-things that held them there were cruel, and paired with an innately short temper and a predator’s instincts, Verena became a vicious young dragon.

It had likely been the men’s plan to use their magic create dragons so that they too might join the Dance and attempt to claim the Iron Throne, but few of their test subjects survived the brutal transformation, and even fewer grew into proper young dragons. Worse still, none of them were ever tame enough to ride. And so they began to fight them for blood sport in cavernous arenas deep below the earth.

This is where the verse diverges for A Song of Ice and Fire and House of the Dragon. In HotD verses, eventually the number of sorcerers and dragons are so few (due to the high fatalities associated with handling dragons and the bloodsport), that the few dragons that remained were able to escape captivity. Verena is one of them and they now roam the countryside as a feral dragon.

In A Song of Ice and Fire verses, the dragons either escape and instinctively fly to Valeria to hide or the few remaining sorcerers sealed the dragons away with a blood curse that essentially turns them to stone, and there they remain, frozen, waiting to be freed once more.

Whether or not Verena can take a human form anymore is on a verse-by-verse basis. I’m not opposed to it, but I also think it might be interesting to play around with the idea of them not being able to shift back. It’ll be up to your preference.

#verena: verses #tw: domestic violence mention #tw: sa mention

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tomatograter · 3 years

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If he has internalized homophobia then why he has no problem telling Dave he used to date a guy? Like, as you said, he cares about his reputation, and we know he really wanted Dave to like him, so that prolly means he was quite careful with what he could or couldn't say in front of him, specifically after he discovered that Bro abused him. So what I'm trying to say, if he cared about being gay, I think he would have avoided telling him he dated Jake? Or at least give it a second thought? I don't see what's the problem with Dirk being against labels, he seems that type of person, he prolly thinks that makes him more intellectual or some stupid thing like that

Hmmm thats not exactly what I said. I don't think Dirk has internalized homophobia so much as <he's afraid of the outside reception to the fact that he's gay, and how people will perceive him based on it>. Dirk knows that he's gay. We know Dirk is aware of that since he was at least 13, because he's already throwing undeniably romantic advances at Jake by then to test the waters. Dirk isn't in cutesy denial about anything here, he doesn't have the time or luxury for that. His problem is more that once you state 'Yes I Am Gay' as a definition of your character, that comes with a Lot of historical baggage and expectations- and from dirk's perspective, both the expectations and historical baggage are something so incredibly divorced from his reality in a future where no human society exists that he's waaaayyyyyy too careful of making that association. It could potentially bust the image he's trying to project.

Again, Dirk's thing is performance. Esp the performance of masculinity. He is the one homestuck character that truly, genuinely, wholeheartedly cares about putting up an image of what it means To Be Masc. He does this because he likes it. He's not forced to do it, he's not under societal pressure to do it, he's not whinning about how much he hates it, he's not doing it at gunpoint; this is a set of parameters he came up with for himself, even in complete isolation. They are a statement and holy boypledge he's making.

He thinks it is Very Cool, and he would like it if you thought it was Very Cool Too (especially if that transmits an image of how strong and reliable he "totally" is). And, again, when you think about our early 2000-10's context of GAYNESS, because homestuck is an extremely time-bound comic, the image "being gay" summons is... really not the one I described above. We're talking about gay men being stereotyped as catty & cowardly & effeminate, about the constant punchlines around 'useless fairies' (a term that was used to refer specifically *to* feminine, submissive, oft gender-transgressive gays ) not incidentally, Dirk's godtier is revealed to him in-comic through a drawing that depicts him as a fairy. He's immediately put off by it. Dirk and Jake's godtiers were called Fagtiers by more than a portion of the fandom. Relics of this are still high up on google images if you search for pictures of their godtiers, lol. Essentially, to admit to his gayness openly and broadly in that timeframe is to be stereotyped as something he doesn't entirely identify as, in an environment that is far from welcoming.

I am pretty open about reading Dirk as a trans man, and what I think is happening here is that together with Roxy's constant insinuations that Dirk Should Have Her Babies, Dirk is ultimately afraid that his claim to being a homosexual paints him as innately womanly. He either gets to be a man or he gets to love men. There's no middleground, or else these social features will cancel eachother out like pemdas. What we see in Homestuck is his haphazard attempt to keep both things intact. His courtship of Jake is only allowed if it is strictly masculine, if it seems like he has a semblance of control, if it looks like they are both just Dudes being Bros throwing it down like Fellow Action Men. This is harmful for Dirk and gives him extreme emotional constipation; not to speak of how tiring it is for Jake to try to keep up with this months-long improv game of Xtreme Axe Bodyspray Marathon when they could just... date. Jake really wouldn't mind if they decided to paint each other's nails or have stereotypical sleepovers or just chill out and have fun like Jane and Roxy are obviously doing. Jake would be fine with being soft so long as he's not being made fun of. But Dirk struggles with letting any sign of dangerous sensitivity show under the assumption that it will be read as a weakness, an inadmissible vulnerability in his set of armor.

Which becomes all the more relevant once you note that when Dirk's trying to convince Dave that he's not a threat and certainly not a monster, one of the first things he admits to is "I like men."

#homestuck #meta #dirk strider #jake english #roxy lalonde #dave strider #f slur #i have a few backlog asks about dirks transness i intend to get to eventually #writeups just take more time thanks to all the footnotes and links #dirkjake #adjacent at least

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transformers-fan-continuities · 3 years

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Spotlight: Ties That Bind

This one’s a doozy folks! If you missed the last spotlight you can go read it here, but strap in for The Ties That Bind, an absolutely brilliant take on humanformers. It’s hosted here at @tiesthatbind-tf created by @artsy-hobbitses!

Q) Give us a run down of your cont! What's it about, what's it called, what's it like?

Ties That Bind is a humanformers-based original continuity which is part Science Fiction and part Alternate History where the invasion of Quintessons and introduction of their technology to Earth in 1920 sets the world and humankind on a completely different trajectory. The active narrative spans a period from 1920 to 2070, covering the First and Second Quintesson Wars, the interplanetary Antillan War (leading to the creation of Unicron on Mars) and the Great War which involves the Autobots, Decepticons and Functionist stalwarts, and how it affects the characters.

The cast is pretty sprawling and the narrative is mostly centred around human drama with bits of humor interspaced and a dash of horror (mostly centred around how the previous government often chose to utilize the technology left behind from the Quintesson Wars to create new systems of oppression, which affected many of the characters, in the name of worldwide rebuilding efforts).

Q) What characters take the lead here? Any personal favorites?

I will admit to this continuity being very much heavy on the relationship between Old Bastards Optimus Prime and Megatron, which is given considerable weight as they were best friends who had known each other since childhood and were deeply intrinsic to each other’s growths as individuals, which makes it all the worse when guilt and betrayal enter the party. Despite being captains in two corners of this battle, there’s a part of them that just cannot let go of their pasts together and they need to reconcile with how this will affect their agenda (Megatron) and how they lead their team (Optimus) who don’t necessarily share their history.

Other characters with significant development include:

Starscream, a Cold Construct in a toxic working relationship with Megatron with whom he is hiding a dark secret, who struggles to balance the underhanded viciousness he believes he needs to gain power and his innate desire from his Senate days to make the world a better place.

Windblade, a Camien native who fights her government’s apathy concerning the situation on Earth which they see as unsalvageable compared to their more Utopian society.

Prowl, a Cold Construct raised from childhood to be a cop in a police state, who finds out that he was brainwashed several times to ensure his obedience and efficacy as a government asset and is now working to reclaim some semblance of the humanity he was never allowed to feel and figure out how much of him is who he really is and how much is programming.

Hound, a sheltered Beastman who joined the fight to ensure that Beastmen the world over would have the same rights he did in his homeland of Shetland Isle, but is forcefully stripped of his humanity and faced with his animal side during the war and has to relearn what personhood means amid his trauma.

Q) Is there a bigger point to this, like a theme or some catharsis? Or is it just fluffy fun?

God with the amount of time I spent sleepless trying to figure out how the logistics of this or the semantics of that were supposed to work in universe, I cannot for the life of me say it’s fluffy fun, but I can’t exactly say it hasn’t been pretty engaging either!

There’s elements of war being messy for everyone involved where there doesn’t seem to be a clear line between friend and foe at times, but I think for most part it prescribes to Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s belief that people are inherently good, but are corrupted by the evils of society. Despite its dark themes (Including but not limited to child abuse, torture, illegal experimenation and brainwashing), love and friendships do prevail, kindness does beget kindness, found families are made, even the smallest actions matter, and things do get better because there are people on both sides who genuinely want to, and strive to make it better.

With Cold Constructs and Beastmen, it also delves heavily into what it means to be human; to have agency and personhood.

There’s also a strong undercurrent of taking responsibility for one’s actions, even if they were made with the best of intentions (Avoidance of this is what eats up Starscream and Megatron from the inside, and what Starscream eventually embraces).

Q) How long have you been working on it?

There’s two answers to this!

I’ve had a Humanformers-related universe going all the way back to 2007 around the time the first Bayformers came out---basically I had a choice between learning to draw cars or draw people (I was an anthro artist back then) and I immediately chose people.

The 2007 draft however had no worldbuilding or connective storylines and was mostly a fun little venture into character design and practice which were actually instrumental to me experimenting and learning how to draw humans properly.

I left the fandom for about a decade and when I came back to it in late 2020 around September via the War for Cybertron series on Netflix, I immediately got hooked on the 2005 IDW comics I missed out on and wanted to get around to updating my old designs as well find a way to translate several of the concepts I wanted to explore in a human sense, so the 2020 update became its own full-fledged original continuity with detailed worldbuilding and history.

You can see the artistic evolution of several characters from their original incarnation below!

Q) It’s incredible to see your artistic improvement too! Give us a behind-the-scenes look! Show us a secret ;))

Say hello to my workspace! I’ve been working exclusively on the Ipad Pro since late 2016, which is fantastic because I can basically whip up concepts and sketches on the go anywhere. Nowhere is too out of bounds to work on TTB!

Also, do enjoy this sneak peek at true!form Rung, whose synthezoid human body took years to perfect.

Q) YESSSSS alright I must admit this is one of my favorite Rungs, and certainly my fave within TTB. Amazing. Phew, anyway. Where did you draw inspiration from? What canons, what other fiction, what parts of real life?

TTB was initially conceived as a faithful retelling of the IDW 2005 narrative before it was transformed into its own continuity and as such, it borrows heavily from concepts and mirrored plot lines introduced in that run! I chose to have the series inspired off it specifically for the amount of history and worldbuilding it introduced to the franchise.

Anime like Gunslinger Girl and Beastars inspired the depictions of Cold Constructs, especially the more harrowing aspects of their upbringing as government assets instead of children, and Beastmen (Beastformers) in TTB.

I haven’t depicted the world itself in my art all too much, but the architecture from Tiger and Bunny, which has sort of a futuristic Art Deco feel to it, is what you’d usually see in major cities. There is an in-universe reason for that---with a Point Of Divergence set in 1920 followed by 25 years (an entire generation) of progress basically being kicked to the curb due to the Quintesson wars, mankind was basically in a time-locked bubble until the end of the wars, and by then their heroes were 1920s-style rebellion leaders, which lead to 1920s fashion (especially among the Manual Working Class---Megatron, Jazz and Optimus all rock 1920s fashion at some point of their lives) and architecture being celebrated and retained as sort of a reminder of how things were before The Invasion. This anime’s background design is also where I adopted the tiered system TTB’s major metropolises are often built on (with each tier being designated to a different working class) from.

The main artistic style itself is a love letter to 90s cartoons, in particular Gargoyles’ deep and drama-driven character narratives and designs as well as The Centurions’ take on body armor logistics.

I also take inspiration, especially armor-wise, from the characters’ given heritage and background. As an example, Hotrod who is depicted as Irish has the flames on his armor done up with Celtic knots. Welsh aristocrat Mirage’s armor bears olden knight-style filigree and has his Autobot logo designed as a coat of arms. Indonesian Soundwave’s armor and Decepticon logo takes cues from Batik and Wayang Kulit while their mask is based off the Barong.

Q) They are absolutely gorgeous! Show off something you're really proud of, a particular favorite part of your cont.

The worldbuilding in general! Most Humanformers I’ve seen tend to treat it like a fun exercise which it is and is definitely valid, but I found myself wanting a full-fledged world to lose myself in and I sought to try and make that world myself by drafting a detailed history and timeline of events which would affect ongoing narratives, having indepth worldbuilding to include almost all societal aspects of the universe and expanding on the concept of Beastmen and Cold Constructs existing in a human setting.

I’m not so secretly proud of the research and diversity included to make the cast look like the multicultural, globally-based team that they were meant to be instead of being locked to a single region! My original draft from 2007 was, to put it simply, quite culturally monolithic and I wanted to improve on that aspect with TTB.

I’m also proud that I’ve kept to it this far! I’m a notoriously flaky person jumping from one idea/fandom to another and to have kept at this continuity for the better part of ten months is honestly a personal feat.

Art-wise, this scene depicting a young Megatron working alongside Terminus and Impactor (cameo by @weapon-up-wallflower‘s OC Missit!) is definitely one of my favorites since it helps build up the world they live in and plays to familial bonds and comfort found in one another despite their less than ideal circumstances.

Q) Everything has come together so beautifully, you absolutely should be proud. What other fan canons do you love and why? Would you like to see them interviewed?

I am dying to hear more from @iscaredspider’s Sparkpulse continuity! Her designs are MIND-BLOWINGLY GORGEOUS and I want to hear more about what inspired her to work on it!

Also YOU. Yes YOU BLURRITO. LET ME HEAR MORE ABOUT SNAP.

Q) [wails and squirms away in the mortifying ordeal of being known but in a very flattered way] I WILL SOMEDAY I PROMISE aflghsdjg thank you QwQ

Well that was fantastic, Oni, thank you muchly! A magnificent continuity with so much to look forward to! Coming up next is another personal fave of mine, the first inspiration for SNAP, so stick around...

#long post #gore #ties that bind #spotlight #transformers #HUMANFORMERS #transformers au #tf original continuity #transformers fan continuity #transformers redesign #maccadam #i said id post this on sunday but i realize thats a holiday for lots of folks on this site :/

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alwida10 · 3 years

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Why does the Loki series divide us so much?

Why are there people who are amazed by Loki’s character development in the series and some who can’t find any of it when they watch it? Why are some people mad about the ‘out of character’ behavior and some argue this had always been his ‘true’ characterization that was just buried under the hate and trauma during the earlier movies. And why are there people who want the Avengers Loki, when he was at his most hateful and worst in that movie when they could have a happy Loki who finally got friends? I have read all those takes and questions over the last weeks and it led me to the question: how do we perceive the Loki series so differently?

Answer: it is because of the structure and how it collides with pre-existent mindsets!

Ok, I admit that sounds very abstract so here the clear text: the Loki series is structured as a redemption arc and that only works if you think he needs to be redeemed.

This is the redemption arc from the series:

Episode 1 reminded us of Loki’s bad deeds. He killed his mother* by sending the dark elf prisoner up the stairs to the right. He betrayed Odin, Thor, and Asgard*, and literally stabbed people in the back like 50 times. Also, he still thinks he should have a throne.

To drive this point home and to remind u how far our Loki has come, the other Loki variants in episode 5 are as power-hungry, focused on their glorious purpose which is an expression of their innate narcissism and belief in their superiority.

But back to Episode 1: ‘Our’ Loki variant gets his own evilness demonstrated by Mobius, who acts as a savior and a friend. Unlike everyone before, he believes in Loki and that he can be better! Loki admits that his evilness results from his weakness since he only wants to inspire fear to appear strong. After being honest with him, Loki can befriend Mobius and together they solve the mystery where ‘the variant’ hides.

But despite his glimpse into self-discovery, Loki is still selfish and power-hungry. He might have gotten the first push thanks to Mobius but he didn’t change yet, and so he betrays Mobius like it is his nature. He wants to team up with Sylvie, and together they can bring down the timekeepers. Then Loki would probably betray her, too, and become ruler of the TVA.

Now he gets to know Sylvie, and most of all the fact that sets her apart from all the other variants: she doesn’t want to rule! She only wants to end the reign of terror. Her selflessness reaches Loki and he starts to change as well. He realizes there is more to life than a throne. (The romance part is mostly to drive the point home and give him additional motivation. Also, the rule of show business is: turmoil is good, it will attract more people.)

Her selflessness is why Loki joins her cause. Even after being pruned, he wants to aid her. His second-hand embarrassment of the power struggle among all his variants shows US how much our Loki has developed, since he doesn’t even want to rule himself anymore, and HIM that he never wants to go back to his former self.

@alwaysanoriginal pointed out on Twitter that it is Mobius’s influence that makes the classic Loki discover that same selflessness in himself so his sacrifice allows Loki and Sylvie to overcome Alioth and enter the world beyond. Sidenote: I recommend their meta! It’s full of positivity, detailed, and well worded! (Also, we reached the point where the series is while I am writing this, so what follows is speculation based on what I wrote up to here.)

Now, in the finale, Loki’s character development has to be tested. The narrative will tempt him to betray Sylvie to get what he always wanted: power, admiration, being the one who holds all power in his hands. The villain however will be a Loki variant who combines all the worst characteristics: the Loki will be a narcissist, power-hungry, lying, using everyone for his own personal gain etc…

Our Loki will be tempted hard (because that will have us at the edge of our seats) but at the last moment, he will realize that he doesn’t want to be this kind of person anymore. He will stay true to the oath he swore when Sylvie and he snuggled beneath his table cloth. And then Loki will finally be the hero Mobius always believed he could be.

Now, if you are enjoying the Loki series this read feels probably good for you. Now comes the other side of the coin that explains why people don't enjoy this plot:

To make this structure work, they changed Loki’s motivation retrospectively (or they didn’t realize the former films indeed did give him an honorable motivation):

- In Thor 1, Thor was shown as unfit to rule so Loki wanted to delay his coronation and give Thor time to develop work morals (which worked. At the end of the film Thor was a better person). After Loki’s origin was revealed he wanted to prove himself to Odin by the only sufficient method he was communicated: genocide. Now, his motivation is lust for power and narcism.

- in Avengers he was influenced and/or tortured by Thanos (confirmed by Marvel). Now his motivation is lust for power and narcism.

- In TDW, he acts honorable until the incident that can be either seen as Loki sacrificing himself for Thor or betraying him. With the updated characterization from the series, his motivation is now lust for power and narcism.

- in Thor Ragnarok, Loki didn’t do much that would need motivation. What little motivation was needed to turn up for the final battle is probably still Thor pointing out what a selfish and predictable person Loki was, so I guess the only change that happened here is that it might have been defiance caused by his narcism that made Loki turn back to Asgard. So the characterization from the series fits that from Ragnarok best.

So, I don’t have much more to say. All other problems I have with the series originate from this problem.

1) Characterization: They couldn’t show him as badass or in control in the beginning because that would have put his ‘bad’ characterization in a positive light. Therefore, they had to make him a clown. (Note: President Loki who is still a villain still has the badass, thirst-inducing, awesome characterization of the Avengers Loki.)

2) Sylvie does all the heavy lifting (aka the plot so far would have worked without our Loki just as well): well, unlike him, she is a good person already, so she has the motivation for all those things. The only points where he is active are when his ‘evil’ nature takes the wheel, and he wants to meet the timekeepers (motivation to find Sylvie’s hideout) or to team up against the timekeepers (motivation to chase after her and betray Mobius).

3) the representation of being genderfluid would have needed either Loki or Sylvie to change the gender they presented during the series. But the creators needed the male/female dichotomy as an outward representation of selfishness/selflessness so the representation of genderfluidity remained empty lip service.

I’m tagging a few people because I would like to know what you think about this analysis: @iamanartichoke, @worstloki, @iamnmbr3, @allaboutloki, @crazyaboutloki.

#loki series speculation #loki series spoiler #loki show spoiler #loki series negativity

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unpopularwiththepopulace · 3 years

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Don’t I Get a Dream for Myself ? – Bernadette Peters and the 'Gypsy' Saga

Gypsy. It’s perhaps the most daunting of all of the projects related to Bernadette Peters to try to grapple with and discuss. It’s also perhaps the most significant.

For someone notoriously guarded of her privacy and personal life, careful with her words, and selective of the questions she answers, the narrative around this show provides some of the most meaningful insights it is possible to derive in relation to Bernadette herself. The show’s ability to do this is unique, through the way it eerily parallels her own life and spans a large range in time from both Bernadette Peters the Broadway Legend, right back to where it all began with Bernadette Lazzara, the young Italian girl put into showbusiness by her mother.

The most logical place to start is at the very beginning – it is a very good place to start, after all.

(Though no one tell Gypsy this, if the fierce two-way battle with The Sound of Music at the 1960 Tony Awards is anything to be remembered. Anyway, I digress…)

Gypsy: A Musical Fable with music by Jule Styne, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim, and book by Arthur Laurents, burst into the world and onto the New York stage in May of 1959. After closing on Broadway in March 1961, Ethel Merman as the world’s original Mama Rose herself led the first national tour off almost immediately around the country. Just a few months later, a second national touring company was formed, starring Mitzi Green and then Mary McCarty as Rose, to cover more cities than the original. It is here that Bernadette comes in.

A 13-year-old Bernadette Peters found herself part of this show in her “first professional” on-the-road production, travelling across the country with her older sister, “Donna (who was also in the show), and their mother (who wasn’t)”.

The tour played through cities like Philadelphia, Chicago, New Haven, Baltimore and Las Vegas before closing in Ohio in 1962. Somewhat uncannily, its September 1961 opening night in Detroit’s Schubert Theatre even returns matters full circle to the 2003 revival and New York’s own Schubert Theatre.

Indeed this bus-and-truck tour was somewhat of a turning point for Bernadette. She’d later remember, “I mostly thought of performing as a hobby until I went on the road with Gypsy”.

But while this production seminally marked a notable moment for the young actress as well as the point where her long and consequential involvement with Gypsy begins, it’s important to recognise she was very much not yet the star of the show and then only a small part of a larger whole.

Bernadette was with the troupe as a member of the ensemble. She took on different positions in the company through the period of nearly a year that the show ran for, including billing as ‘Thelma’ (one of the Hollywood Blondes), ‘Hawaiian Girl’, and additional understudy credits for Agnes and Dainty June.

The above photo shows Bernadette (left) with another member of the ensemble (Sharon McCartin) backstage at the Chicago Opera House as one of the stops along the tour. Her comment on the stage of the Chicago theatre – “I’d never seen anything so big in my life!” – undeniably conveys how her experiences were new and appreciably daunting.

Along the tour, she assumed centre-stage once or twice as the understudy for Dainty June, but playing the young star was not her main role. Unlike what more dominant memory of the story seems to purport.

Main credits of June went instead to Susie Martin – a name and a tale of truth-bending that’s now well-known from Bernadette’s concert anecdotes. While performing her solo shows as an adult and singing from Gypsy, Bernadette has often been known to take a moment to penitently atone for historical indiscretions of identity theft or erasure where her mother long ago conveniently left out the “understudy” descriptive when putting down Dainty June on her resumé, in an effort to add weight to the teenager’s list of credits.

Whatever happened to Susie Martin? – many have wondered. Well, she soon left the theatre. But not before appearing in two more regional productions of Gypsy and a 1963 Off-Broadway revival of Best Foot Forward with Liza Minnelli and Christopher Walken.

Bernadette too went on to other regional productions of Gypsy. She spent the summer of 1962 in various summer stock stagings with The Kenley Players, like in Pennsylvania and Ohio, and this time she did indeed get to play June.

Above shows photos from different programmes for these productions. While some may have featured odd forms of photo editing, they at least also bring to attention Rose here being played by none other than Betty Hutton.

The two women couldn’t have been in more different positions when they coalesced in these rough-around-the-edges, small-scale productions. A young Bernadette was broaching summer stock in starting to take on bigger roles in the ascendency to her bright and long career. Meanwhile, Betty found herself there while navigating the descent that followed her sharp but fickle rise to Hollywood fame in the ‘40s and early ‘50s. Top billing Monday, Tuesday you really are touring in stock after all.

While details aren’t plentiful for these productions, it was recounted Betty apparently struggled in performing the role. And understandably so. Following the recent traumatic death of her mother in a house fire, and the birth of her third child shortly before the shows began, it’s not hard to see why her mind might have been elsewhere. Still, she was apparently impressed enough by the younger actress who turned in one of the show’s “creditable performances” to make comment that she would’ve liked Bernadette to play her if a movie were made about her life.

Bernadette might not have done this exactly, but she did go on to revitalise Betty’s best-known movie role, when stepping into Annie Oakley’s shoes in the 1999 Annie Get Your Gun revival. With Bernadette’s first Ethel Merman show under her belt, the ball was soon rolling on her second.

The 2003 production of Gypsy was imminently beckoning as her next successive Broadway musical and it was Arthur Laurents who lit the match to spark Bernadette’s involvement. Laurents, as the show’s original librettist, drove the revival by saying he “didn’t want to see the same Rose” he’d seen before. Going back to June Havoc’s description of her mother as “small” and a “mankiller”, and Arthur’s take that Bernadette sung the part “with more nuance for the lyrics and the character than the others”, the choice of Bernadette was justified. Moreover, “Laurents – whose idea it was to hire her – [said] going against type is exactly the point,” and Sam Mendes, as director, qualified “the tradition of battle axes in that role has been explored”.

So Bernadette also had her own baseline of innate physical similarity to the original Rose Hovick, in addition to her own first-hand memories of the women she’d acted alongside as Rose in her youth to bring into her characterisation of the infamous stage mother.

But there was a third factor beyond those as well to be considered in the personal material she had access to draw from for her characterisation. Namely, her own real life stage mother.

Marguerite Lazzara did share traits with the character of Rose. She too helped herself to silverware from restaurants, and put her daughters in showbusiness for the vicarious thrill. Marguerite had “always wanted to become an actress herself”, but had long been denied her desire by her own mother, who likened actresses to being as “close to a whore as you could be without, you know, getting on your back”.

In that case, to “escape a housewife’s dreary fate in Ozone Park”, Marguerite channelled her latent dream through her pair of young daughters instead, shepherding them out along the road. Thus was produced a trio of the two children ushered around the theatre circuit by the driven mother, forming an undeniable parallelism and a mirror image of both Bernadette’s reality and Gypsy’s core itself. Bernadette didn’t see some of these familial parallels at the time when she was a child, considering “maybe I didn’t want to see” – “didn’t want to see a mother doing that to her daughter”.

It was coming back to the show as an adult that helped Bernadette resolve who her mother was and some of the motivations that had propelled her when Bernadette was still a child. She realised, “I think she thought she was going to die very young”, as her own father died young. So “she was rushing around to get as much of her life as she could in there”.

When she herself returned to the production in playing Rose, Bernadette conceded to sometimes bringing elements of her mother and her driven energy into her portrayal, and admitted too she looked “like her a lot in the role”. You can assess any familial resemblances for yourself, from the images below that show a young Marguerite next to Bernadette in costume as Rose, and then with the pair backstage in 1961 in a dressing room on the tour.

Marguerite was ambitious. From her own personal position and with the restrictions imposed upon her, it was ambition that materialised through her children. Irrevocably, she altered them. She placed Bernadette on TV as a very young child (“I was four when my mother put me in the business”); changed her daughter’s surname (“She told me my real name was too long for the marquees,” or really – “too Italian”); doctored her resumé (“Somehow the word ‘understudy’ vanished. ‘No one will know,’ said Marguerite”); and lightened her hair (“She’d say, ‘Oh, I’m just putting a little conditioner on it.’ But slowly my hair got blonder and blonder!”). All in the hope of giving her child a more favourable chance at the life she’d always wanted for herself.

On paper, a classic stage mother. “When I was a kid, she fulfilled herself through me,” Bernadette would say. “She put me into show business so she could get a taste of the life herself.”

But it’s important to consider Bernadette often qualifies that her mother wasn’t as brutal as Rose, nor was she herself as traumatised as June.

Bernadette didn’t begrudge her mother for her choices – at least by the time she was an adult, she’d rationalised them, explaining “naturally it was more exciting [for her] to go on the road with me than staying home and keeping house”.

As a child, Bernadette hadn’t necessarily wanted to be on stage, but there was a sense of ambivalence – not resentful belligerence – as she “didn’t care one way or the other” when she found herself there.

Like June, Bernadette may have been entered into and coaxed around a path she hadn’t voluntarily chosen. But unlike June, Bernadette had a deal with her mother that “she had only to say the word”, and she could leave.

Most crucially, she never did.

But that’s not to say Bernadette was enamoured with acting from the beginning.

She seemed to feel ‘outside’ of that world and those in it. And others saw it too.

It was in 1961 in Gypsy that Bernadette first met Marvin Laird – her long-time accompanist, conductor and arranger. The way he put it, he “noticed this one young girl, very close with her mother” who, during breaks, “didn’t mix much with the other girls”.

Beneath the effervescent stage persona, there’s a quieter and more reserved reality, and a sense of separation and solitary division.

When asked by Jesse Green in 2003 for the extensive profile in The New York Times if she thought her experiences on the road in Gypsy were good for her at that age, she gives a curious, somewhat abstract, predominantly dark, potentially macabre, response. He wrote:

She doesn’t answer at first but seems to scan an image bank just behind her eyes for something to lock onto. Eventually she comes out with a seeming non sequitur. “I didn’t know how to swim. I remember, in Las Vegas, I fell in, once, and they thought I was flailing, but I felt like: ‘It’s pretty down here!’ I might have been dying and I was thinking: ‘Look at the pretty color!’ And suddenly my fear of water was gone, and I could have stayed in forever.” After a while, I realize she’s answered my question. Then she dismisses the image: “But I had to get my hair dry for the show that day, so up I came.”

I’m still not entirely sure I know what she’s trying to convey here. My interpretation of this anecdote changes as I have re-visited and re-examined it on multiple occasions at different time points. It’s arguably multiply polysemic.

Was she simply swept up in a moment of childlike distraction, lost in the temporary respite alone away from the usual noise and clamour? Was she indicating comprehension that her feelings and perspectives came secondary to any practical necessities and inevitable responsibilities? Was she using the water to depict a muffling and fishbowl-like detachment from others her age who got to live more ‘ordinary’ lives in the ‘normal’ world above that she felt separate from? Was she referencing the pretty colours she saw as a metaphor for show business and how she became bewitched by them even despite potential dangers? Was she trying to legitimately drown herself, or at least exhibiting an ambivalence again as to whether she lived or died, because of what the highly pressurised demands on her felt like?

The underlying sentiment through her response in answer to Green’s primary question was that, in essence – no. Being a child actor was not “over all, a good experience for a youngster”.

Acting might have been something she fell in love with over time, but not all at once, not right from the beginning, and not without noting its perils.

It was a matter of accidental circumstance that landed Bernadette in the show business world to begin with at such a young age in the first place – “I just found myself here,” she would offer.

Her mother, who was “always crazy about the stage”, “insisted” that her sister, Donna take lessons in singing, dancing and acting.

A further point of interest to note is that, although it was Bernadette with her new surname who would grow up to be the famous actress, look to the cast lists from the 1961 touring production of Gypsy that featured both sisters in the company (see photo below) and you’ll find no ‘Lazzara’ in sight. Donna too, appearing under the novel moniker of “Donna Forbes”, had also already become stagified (nay, ethnically neutralised?) by her mother. As such it is clearly demonstrated that Marguerite’s intention at that point was to make stars of both her daughters. Correspondingly so, when her sister returned from her performance lessons some years before, “Donna would come home and teach me what she had learned,” Bernadette remembered. She may have gotten her “training second hand”, but the key element was that she got it.

For Bernadette, it was a short jump from emulating magpied tricks from her sister as well as routines from Golden Age Busby Berkeley musicals on the ‘Million Dollar Movie’ in front of the TV screen, to her mother getting her on the other side of the screen and actually performing on TV itself – belting out Sophie Tucker impressions aged five for all the nation to see.

The photos below show Bernadette in performative situations at a young age (look for criss-crossed laces in the second for identification).

“At first, as a toddler, Bernadette enjoyed performing; it came naturally, a form of play that people inexplicably liked to watch.” It was “just a hobby” and she “wanted to do it”.

But while she may not have detested it, she didn’t entirely comprehend what was going on either. “I didn’t even know I was on TV,” she said. “I didn’t know that those big gadgets pointed at me were cameras and that they had anything to do with what people saw on the television set.”

When she started gaining more of an awareness of how “such play [was being] co-opted for commercial purposes”, she grew less enthralled. “She didn’t care for the bizarre children, accompanied by desperate mothers, she began to see at auditions: ‘They spent their whole time smiling for no reason, you know?’”

Being a child who had become sentient of being a child performer began to grow wearisome and grating to the young girl who had her equity card, a professional (and strange, new) stage name, and an increasingly long list of expectations by the time she was nine. There’s a keen sense she did not enjoy being in such a position: “I wouldn’t want to be a child again. When you’re a child, you have thoughts, but nobody listens to you. Nobody has any respect for you”.

Gypsy did indeed mark a turning point for Bernadette as mentioned above – but not just in the way that seems obvious. Looking back at it now, it does appear the monumental turning point at which she started appearing in significant and reputable productions, beginning what would be the foundation to her ‘professional’ career. However it was also the turning point after which she nearly quit the business altogether.

When she returned from performing in Gypsy, Bernadette felt like she’d had enough. One way of putting it was that she “then retired from the business to attend high school”, wanting to have some semblance of a normal scholastic experience “without the interruptions”. But whatever dissatisfaction she was feeling as an early adolescent on stage, she didn’t resolve at school – going as far as saying that while at Quintano’s School for Young Professionals, “she was in pain”.

“When you’re a teenager you’re too aware of yourself,” she recalled. Being a teen and trying to come to terms with of the expectation of the ‘60s that “you are supposed to look like Twiggy, and you don’t, you feel everything is wrong about you”. Everything “was all about tall, skinny, no chest…[and] hair straight”. Little Bernadette with her “mass of [curly] hair and distracting bosom”, as Alex Witchel put it, was never going to fit that mould. “That was not me,” she stated. “At all.”

Her self-consciousness grew to the point that it became overwhelming and asphyxiating. “I was trying desperately to blend in and be normal, but that doesn’t allow creativity to come out,” Bernadette said. “I knew I was acting terrible. The words were sticking in my mouth and all I could think about was how I looked”. It was hard enough just to look at herself (“I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror”), let alone to have other people gawk at her on stage. So she stopped trying. She “didn’t work much from age 13 to 17” in the slightest. Bernadette would later reflect in 1981 in an atypically open and vulnerable interview, “I was very insecure. Insecurity is poison. It’s like wearing chains”.

It was a combination of factors that helped her overcome these feelings of such toxic and weighty burden to draw her back into the public world of performing and the stage. “The two people who helped her most, she says, were David LeGrant, her first acting teacher, and her vocal coach, Jim Gregory.” Jim helped with “[opening] a whole creative world for [her] with singing”; and it was David who’d give her the now infamous and often (mis)quoted line about individuality and being yourself.

Having these kinds of lessons, she reasoned, was “really a wonderful emotional outlet for a kid of 17”. The process of it all was beneficial for her therapeutically – “you have a lot of emotions at that time in your life, and it was great to go to an acting class and use them up”. And Bernadette felt freer on stage than she did out on her own in the ‘real world’, saying “[up there] I don’t have to worry about what I’m doing or saying because I’m doing and saying what I’m supposed to be doing and saying”.

Finally then and with considerable bolstering and support, she grew comfortable with the notion of being visible on stage and in public, and realised she was never going to blend in as part of the chorus so it was simply better to let go of such a futile pursuit.

David LeGrant’s guiding advice to Bernadette (“You’ve got to be original, because if you’re like everyone else, what do they need you for?”) wasn’t just a trite aphorism. For her, it was a life raft. It was the key mental framing device that allowed her to comprehend for the first time that she might actually have intrinsic value as herself. And that it was imperative she let herself use it.

She had always stuck out, yes, but she had to learn how to want to be seen – talking of it as a conscious “choice” she had to make when realising she did “have something to offer”.

Thus soon after Bernadette graduated, she stepped back into productions like in summer stock and then Off-Broadway as she made her debut at that next theatrical level at 18. It wasn’t long before she was discovered in what’s seen as her big break in the unexpected smash hit, Dames at Sea. And so Bernadette Peters, the actress, was back. And she was back with impact and force.

Besides, as she’s also said, she couldn’t do anything else – “if I ever had to do something else to earn a living, I’d be at a total loss”. An aptitude test as a teenager told her so apparently, when she “got minus zero in everything except Theater Arts”. So that was that. Her answer for what she would’ve done if she’d never found acting is both paradoxically exultant and macabre – “I don’t know, probably shot myself!”

Flippant? Maybe. Trivial? No.

Acting is thus undoubtedly related highly to Bernadette’s sense of purpose and self-worth. This is what makes it even more apparent that a show with such personal and historical connections for her, as in Gypsy, was going to be so consequential and impactful to be a part of again as an adult and perform on a public stage.

She’s called inhabiting the role of Rose in the 2003 revival many things: “deeply personal”, “life changing”, “like going through therapy” – to name a few.

In interviews regarding Gypsy and playing the main character, when asked what she had learnt, Bernadette would frequently say something like, “It taught me a lot”. Pressed further about specifics, her answers often hem close to vague platitudes as she maintains her normal tendency of endeavouring to keep her privacy close to her chest.

On one occasion, she actually elaborated somewhat on what she’d learnt, giving a fuller answer than the question is normally afforded anyhow. Beyond all it revealed to her about her mother, she extended to admitting “my capacity for love and my capacity for anger” as aspects in her that the show had permanently altered. Moreover, Rose to her was undoubtedly the “most rewarding and fulfilling acting experience” she had ever had.

But while such deep, personal and emotional depths and memories were being stirred up beneath the surface in private, she was getting vilified in public singularly and repeatedly by New York Post columnist, Michael Riedel.

Even before she’d set foot on stage, Riedel set forth in motion early in the 2003 season a campaign of vocal and opinionated defamation against Bernadette as Rose that she was miscast, insufficiently talented, and would be incapable of executing the role.

Too small, too delicate, too weak, too many curves (and too much knowledge of how to use them). Not bold enough, not loud enough – not Merman enough. Chatter and speculative dissent begun to grow in and around the Broadway theatres.

For such a prestigious and historic musical theatre role, it was always going to be hard to erase the large shadow of an original Merman mould. Ethel was woven into the very fabric of the show, with the rights to Gypsy Rose Lee’s memoirs being obtained at her behest in the first place, and the idiosyncrasies of her voice having been written into the songs themselves by their very authors.

To step out from such a domineering legacy would be a marked challenge at the best of times. Let alone when battling a respiratory infection.

Matters of public perception were certainly not helped when Bernadette then got ill as the show started its preview period and she started missing early performances.

Nor did it help with critical perception that the Tony voting period coincided so synchronously with Gypsy’s first opening months – giving Bernadette no time to recover, find her feet, and settle more healthily into the show for the rest of the run before the all important decisions were made by that omnipotent committee.

The tale of her illness is actually undercut by a more innocent and unsuspecting origin than you’d expect from all the drama and trouble it engendered. Bernadette decided nearing the show’s opening to treat herself to a manicure. In the salon, she was next to a woman very close to her with a frightful sounding cough. Who could’ve known then that this anonymous and inconspicuous lady through a fateful cause-and-event chain would go on to play such a part in what is among the biggest and most enduring Tony Awards “She was robbed!” discourses? Or even more broadly – in also arguably playing a hand in the closure and financial failure of an $8.5 million Broadway show after its disappointing performance at the Tony Awards that ominously “[spelled] trouble at the box office” and led to its premature demise?

Bernadette did not win the Best Actress in a Musical Tony that night on June 6th 2004. The award went instead (not un-controversially) to newcomer Marissa Jaret Winokur for Hairspray.

She did however give one of the most indelibly resonant and frequently re-referenced solo performances at the awards show just before she lost – defying detractors to comprehend how she could be unworthy of the accolade with a rendition of ‘Rose’s Turn’ that has apocryphally earned one of the longest standing ovations seen after such a performance even to date.

Even further and even more apocryphally, she reportedly did so while still under the weather as legend as circulated by musical theatre fans goes – performing “against doctor’s orders” with stories that have her being “afflicted with anything from a 103-degree fever, to pneumonia, to a collapsed lung”.

Seeing then as unfortunately there is no Tony Award speech to draw on here, matter shall be retrieved fittingly from that which she gave just a few years earlier in 1999 for her first win and previous Ethel Merman role in Annie Get Your Gun to wrap all of this together.

As has been illustrated, there are many arguably scary or alarming aspects in Bernadette’s Gypsy narrative. There’s undeniably much darkness and an ardent clamouring for meaning and self-realisation along the road that tracks her journey parallel to the show. But unlike Rose’s hopeless decries of “Why did I do it?” and “What did it get me?”, there was a point for Bernadette.

As her emotional tribute in 1999 went: “I want to thank my mother, who 48 years ago put me in showbusiness. And I want to finally, officially, say to her – thank you. For giving me this wonderful experience and this journey.”

Whatever all of this was, maybe it was worth it after all.

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princeescaluswords · 3 years

Note

*once more, dons the fancy and stylish hat of fandom logic and dramatically runs on all fours onto stage like Derek Hale* Following fanon criteria of what constitutes a "good alpha", Derek is terrible. You all say yourselves that his repeated awful decisions are "he's trying his BEST!1" and coddling him because he has Trauma. Well, maybe that makes him unfit for the role. Why didn't he kill Kate? How hard could it be for a superior born werewolf to kill a human? Murder is the best choice right? Shouldn't he have also sensed that Deaton wasn't a werewolf, let alone a Alpha, like how he sneered at Scott for using his smell at lacrosse practice? Shouldn't Derek have a sacred, special connection to the Hale alpha spark and sensed it inside Peter? Why can't this incompetent 20 something do ANYTHING right?

Competence has always been a red herring, for both the production and the fandom.

The production used it as a red herring in a positive way, highlighting that true strength and heroism comes from your motives and methods and not the final result. Yes, part of the subversiveness of Teen Wolf is that it rejects a staple of the urban fantasy/horror genre, saying that the end does not justify the means. Scott isn't the True Alpha because he'll destroy those who threaten his loved ones or pass judgment on those who don't agree with him, he's the True Alpha because ... well, let's go to the tape for some examples.

In Venomous (2x05):

Derek: I don't know why you think you have to protect everyone now, Scott, but even so, Lydia has killed people and she's gonna do it again, and next time, it's gonna be one of us.

Scott: What if you're wrong?

In Currents (3x07):

Deaton: It's rare. It's something that doesn't happen within 100 years, but every once in a while a beta can become an Alpha without having to steal or take that power. They call it a true Alpha. It's one who rises purely on the strength of the character, by virtue, by sheer force of will.

In Illuminated (3x16):

Ethan: You don't get it, do you? Scott doesn't care about power. He cares about people. You want to be a wolf in his pack? Try being a human in high school.

In Monstrous (4x10):

Meredith: He's the alpha. He's always been the alpha. He'll make it right. It never was with us. Too many people died because of us. We're the monsters. Even Banshees. Even me.

Lydia: I don't believe that. Not all monsters do monstrous things.

Meredith: Like who?

Lydia: Like Scott.

In Strange Frequencies (5x07):

Theo: If Scott really gave up on you for some piece of crap like Donovan, then he wouldn't be a True Alpha, would he?

Stiles: Or maybe that's the definition of one, someone who doesn't put up with murder.

In Apotheosis (5x20):

Kira: Me again. I have to leave. But I'm coming back to help. I promise. Because you're right, Scott. If anyone's going to save Mason, it's you. It's us.

In Pressure Test (6x05):

Tierney: Why do you care anyway?

Theo: Oh, I don't. But you should find Scott McCall. He's got a thing for taking in strays.

Again and again, Scott places the most value on each and every individual life, regardless of who it is and what it means in the grand scheme of things, and that is how he changes the world. Notice that this has nothing to do with whether he succeeds or not. In the show, he's not the strongest, or the smartest, or the best speaker, or the best tracker, or the most skilled fighter. People -- a lot of people -- still die as he struggles to defeat the villains. He does, however, care for others -- even Peter who transformed and violated him, even Chris Argent who hunted him, even Derek who manipulated him and beat him, even Deucalion who tried to reshape Scott into his image, even Stiles who lied to him and betrayed him, even Liam and Theo who worked together to murder him.

And, much to the show's credit, they didn't have Scott doing this effortlessly, implying that it's an innate function or Chosen-One destiny. Scott had moments of anger, of resentment, of ruthlessness, or giving in to the urge to win at any cost. In order for Teen Wolf to make its point, Scott had to be shown as just as capable of being a goal-oriented prick as any other character. That's why they had him threaten Gerard as he did, why they had him toss Isaac into a wall, why he dreamed of murdering Liam, and why he lied to Kira and violated Corey. The show didn't want to imply that only special people are capable of this feat, that he was somehow unique in the world, but that he chose to be this way.

And, parts of the fandom, as parts of the fandom always do, performed a nose-plant into the dirt to allow this point -- telegraphed so often -- to wiz right on past their head.

You see, the show -- much to my personal irritation -- allowed individuals like Peter to be successful. After all, Peter killed everyone involved with the Hale fire. He resurrected himself. He escaped Eichen House and the Wild Hunt. He discovered his daughter and forcibly inserted himself into her life. He ended the show having reclaimed his families legacy with his freedom and wealth intact.

But we will always know that he ended the series in such a positive position because of Scott. Just as Derek was able to change the way he approached the world, was able to move past his trust issues and put to rest his demons because of Scott. Just as Theo was able to find a new way to live because of Scott. As Chris Argent did. As Lydia did. Scott's leadership was, to use a phrase, transformative.

And yes, I hear the anti-Scott white-power Machiavellian wannabes grinding their teeth in outrage. There's scene after scene of text -- and not invented subtext -- which makes that the point of the show. They'll choke on it before they can bring themselves to admit it.

#scott mccall #true alpha #scott mccall defense squad #teen wolf fandom problems #teen wolf meta

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shoutoismybaby · 4 years

Text

Omega Shame Part 2

Part 1 / Part 3

Thank you guys for all your interest! It made me super happy to see so many people excited about my writing, so I hope you enjoy and stay tuned for the last part soon!

Warnings: Angst, depression, mentions of fighting (bc hero training)

***

The classroom didn't smell right. Not only was your serotonin inducing scent the class had gotten accustomed to in the past couple months missing, but a certain caramel smell had a hint of burnt rubber and ash to it. Despite some of the girls hearing commotion coming from your room, you didn’t answer their calls or knocks, so no one knew what was going on. The only knowledge the class had was that you weren’t in class and Bakugou was upset. Well, more upset than he usually was.

Even his best friends, whether or not he would admit that’s what they were to him, would earn growls and bared teeth if they got too close. Other than that though, Bakugou was generally unresponsive. Only caring when people got too close, but he didn’t respond when Aizawa called on him, or when the lunch bell rang. Only shoving the teachers hand off his shoulder when he came to check up on the blond.

Bakugou was just too caught up in his thoughts to really be aware of his surroundings as he followed his class aimlessly to the cafeteria.

Even though his body was in the P.E Training grounds, his brain was back in time to your dorm room. Back when your body began to tremble at the sight of him, the way salty tears rushed from your eyes when he started to speak. Your throat squeaking as you begged him to spare the nest you had constructed. It was beautifully made, if you had asked him. The way your soft blankets were woven together with your favorite weekend clothes, pillows being used to stable the walls. It looked incredibly comfortable.

Bakugou knew that Omegas could get upset if their nest was intruded without permission. But he also knew he was nowhere near your circular haven. Yet, you were crying, shaking, and begging.

It was then that it dawned on the hothead that you were scared of him. His omega was Terrified of him. It made his heart beat erratically, how could he make someone he cared about so scared of him? Especially his own omega. It was his job to keep you safe, to take care of you and make sure you were comfortable. You trusted him to fulfill this role, but you thought he was going to destroy your nest?

It made Bakugous’ buzz in confusion. It made no sense that you would be freaking out just because your alpha walked in your room.

Unless you weren't even his omega by choice. What if you just accepted his courting gift because you were afraid he would hurt you? He had been told multiple times throughout his life that he needed to stop being so aggressive, that he would scare omegas away, but he had always brushed those comments off. He had thought that he would find someone who liked him despite his anger, and he thought you were that person.

Clearly, though, you were too fearful of him to even reject his proposal. Your trembling body inside of your nest was undeniable proof of that. You were too scared to even tell him you were nesting, and if the sight was evidence enough you didn’t seem to have or want his scent anywhere close to your nest. He should have noticed it before. What kind of alpha scared those they were supposed to protect?

You probably just got off of your meds to make him happy too. You had made so many sacrifices to keep him happy, and the thought of that made his blood boil. He had been a terrible alpha to you. He had to end this, he couldn’t put you through anymore pain. His inner alpha cried at the thought of having hurt you.

His large hand moved towards his opposite wrist, gently shimmying the bracelet that sat on it off. It was your courting gift to him, since you insisted on making him something in return. It was simple, made of skillfully twisted threads in his hero costume colors. His heart had skipped a beat the moment you presented it to him, not that he would tell anyone that. Especially not now, not when all the memories he shared with you were put into perspective.

He remembered how it felt as though the threads burnt his skin on its way past. How it dragged his heart down with it as it fell to the floor. Since then, he felt numb to the outside world. It didn’t matter how many times Kirishima tried to get him involved in their 1-1 match, he mostly just stood there, letting his instincts do the bare minimum to protect his body.

“Come on man!” His body dodged another hit just enough before slacking again, causing the redheaded alpha to growl. “You’re not responding to anything and you smell, honestly bad bro. What’s going on with you!?”

The only thing “going on” in Katsuki’s brain was replaying the pain in your eyes over and over. Replaying how you were scared, no, terrified of the person who was supposed to protect you. His omega wasn’t his omega anymore, and his alpha felt broken. He felt alone.

He could only focus on how he failed to do his basic duties. How he failed you. Everyone had been right when they critiqued his anger. He was too aggressive to deserve an Omega. Clearly he couldn’t treat one right no matter how much their smile made serotonin speed through his brain. If he couldn’t protect you from himself it was ridiculous to think he would do anything but fuck up protecting Japan from villains. He was a terrible alpha who couldn’t even treat an Omega properly, so what was the point? He wasn’t even good at his innate purpose.

By now Kirishima was getting desperate. All day his best friend had been growing more and more despondent, and he was scared for what that meant. He just needed Bakugou to talk to him, Kirishima wanted to be reassured that he was okay. And he had an idea of how to pull Bakugou back into the present, even if he didn’t like it.

“I don’t want to do this but, I’m really worried about you. Bakugou is this about (Y/n)?” The blondes alpha perked up at the mention of your name, drawing Bakugou’s head up with it.

“The girls said something happened in (Y/n)’s room last night and,” He hesitated, ruby eyes falling to Bakugou's large wrists. “You’re not wearing the courting bracelet she made for you anymore”

His words caused a whimper to leave Katsukis throat. Kirishima had no idea what kind of pain that reminder brought to Bakugou, but he could guess. The way the blonds hands clenched and brows furrowed made Kirishima's heart drop, he hated bringing up things that could hurt Katsuki. But he could only fix the problem if he knew what was wrong, and for that he needed Bakugou to talk to him.

“Did, did you guys break up?” Kirishima kept his distance, afraid of what Bakugou would do once he snapped out of his trance. But all Bakugou did was begin to shake, blinking furiously as he became aware of his surroundings once again along with the hot tears that flooded his eyes. Kirishima ran towards his friend then, placing a hand on the other alphas shoulder in a hope to be any bit comforting without overwhelming his friend. He analyzed the way Bakugous nose scrunched, causing his large canines to show as the first sob burst out of his trembling frame. It was so powerful that the blond lost his balance, falling into the stunned redheads arms. Face tucked into his friends chest, shielded from the attention his sobs were bringing from his entire class.

“Bakugou…” Kirishima ran his hands up and down Bakugous back gently feeling the way the blond fisted his shirt in desperation, “What happened? You can tell me.”

“I’m a terrible alpha,” Bakugous voice was shaky and Kirishima almost felt guilty at how relieved he was to hear it. “No you’re not man, wha-” “Yes I am!” Bakugous voice reached the same volume as his sobs that interrupted his speech. “She thought that I was going to destroy her nest, she was scared of me. I was supposed to defend her when really I’m the one she wanted protection from.”

Krishima didn’t know how to respond to what his friend said. Eyes too wide in confusion as he looked towards his teacher for answers. You had always been absolutely smitten with Bakugou, just his presence in the room made it seem like you radiated love and positivity. It didn’t seem that Bakugou needed any further encouragement to continue though, as his next statement sent ice down the spines of the whole class.

“I failed as an alpha… I don’t want to be alive anymore.” All Bakugou wanted to do in that moment was curl up and die. He didn’t have a purpose anymore, so he didn’t see the point of existing. It was then that his body seemed to shut back down in order to conserve energy, he began to slack in Kirishima's arms leaving him sitting on the ground despite the redheads' many protests. The revelation of how his best friend felt bringing tears to his own eyes, and a recognition to his teachers.

“Aizawa, what's happening to Bakugou?” Kirishima asked, struggling to hold himself together as he knelt in front of his friend. Bakugou’s eyes seemed more void of life than ever as he stared aimlessly at Kirishima's shirt.

“Someone call Recovery Girl, I fear that Bakugou has developed an Alpha depression.”

***

Tag List:

@pasteldana-blog @fandomtrash1616 @cyntinaaa @my-neighbor-todoro @anime-weeb-bnha @professionalreblogs @thenerdyrebel @weeb-reading-trash @procrastinatingmurder @myherotrashbin @spicyfoodboi @tspice283 @inumorph @rubyreds-stuff @mscarterakaviola98 @arcticsakura

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha omegaverse #bakugou katsuki x reader #alpha bakugou x reader #bakugou x reader #mha omegaverse

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fantasy2739 · 3 years

Note

Could you do a fic where Claire and Douxie talk about immortality?

Talking about the angst of immortality? Sign me up! Idk if this is what you wanted, if you want a struggle of Claire being immortal I’m also happy to write that!

Hope you enjoy!

Douxie softly strummed his guitar, watching Nari drift off to gentle strings. He heard, rather than saw, Claire approach. Her footsteps heavy, full of purpose.

“Hey Teach, can we talk?” She asked nervously. Douxie smiled and nodded. He carefully put his guitar down and placed a blanket over Nari. Archie kindly curled up next to her.

“Let’s go outside.” He suggested. They walked into the Lake garden. Douxie sat patiently on a rock while Claire paced. He eyed the sky; dark and glittering. Claire seemed indecisive about what she should talk about. Unusual for her. Douxie leaned back, relaxing further into his temporary chair as he waited.

“Am I…?” Claire paused and collected her thoughts. “Am I going to be immortal?” Douxie had been waiting for this. Sure they’d met plenty of beings that lived centuries, but they were a different species. Trolls, Akiridions. He’d seen the looks Claire would shoot him when they practiced together. The way she frowned when he casually mentioned something from hundreds of years ago.

“It depends.” Douxie replied honestly. “See magic is complicated when it comes to that stuff.”

“Complicated?” Claire asked. “Isn’t it just yes or no?”

“You aren’t a born mage are you?” Douxie checked. Claire pondered. “I mean you weren’t born with magic, it developed after a while?”

“Sort of.” Claire admitted. “I felt connected with the shadow staff before I found it.” Douxie considered it.

“You may have some innate magic, but the main trigger for your powers was the staff and Morgana right?” Claire nodded. “Then it depends.”

“Teach that doesn’t help.” Claire said as she dropped to the ground. She pulled her legs close. “ I don’t want to be alone.” Douxie leaned over and reached out a comforting hand.

“Even if you were immortal, I wouldn’t just leave you.” He said with a smile. Claire gave him a small smile. He cleared his throat. “I’ll explain as best I can. Inherently magical beings live longer. Like Archie or Trolls. People who become magical have longer lives can choose.”

“I can… choose?!” Claire was surprised.

“You can always choose.” Douxie assured her. “You remember how I told you magic is emotion?” He waited for Claire to nod before continuing. “Magic is what keeps us alive, so if you don’t want to be. You won’t be.”

“So if I want to age normally?”

“You will.”

“And if I want to stop?”

“You cast a spell and you slow it.”

“And it’s reversible?”

“I’ll write down both spells for you.” Douxie said. “We’re not immortal anyway.”

“But you, Merlin, Morgana. You’re all so old.” Claire said. “I can’t imagine living 900 years.” Douxie looked away. “Sorry I didn’t mean to bring them up.” Douxie rolled his shoulders.

“Claire, you choose what you want to do. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” He said firmly. “If you don’t want to live 900 years then don’t.” Claire nodded sharply.

“Got it Teach.” She said. “What do you mean you’re not immortal? I know that… that if you’re injured enough you… won’t make it.” Douxie smiled sadly at her.

“We age. Slowly. You saw Merlin.” Douxie inhaled sharply. He paused, collected himself and powered on. “He stayed alive to fight the Arcane Order but he still aged.”

“You haven’t.” Claire pointed out.

“Pretty sure I was an absolute moppet 900 years ago.” Douxie chuckled.

“You didn’t look that different. Or sound that different.” Claire said, eyebrow raised. “Man buns aside.” Douxie tried not to think about the little bun that haunted him.

“That’s because I’m young at heart.” He said, flicking the rock sign at her.

“So your magic reflects that?” Claire asked. Douxie nodded, smile not quite meeting his eyes. Claire didn’t seem to notice, leaping to her feet. “Thanks Teach, I’m glad I have you.” Douxie patted her shoulder as she went inside. His gaze turned skyward. Dark and glittering as it had been all those centuries ago. He’d just buried Merlin, and knew that if he wanted to do everything else he needed to last longer. He performed the spell as left in Merlin’s detailed instructions. His notes hadn’t mentioned a swirling mist of blue magic. And hearing words that were never spoken.

‘So you wish to live longer, little wizard? Be wary of the price.’

He hadn’t really understood at the time. Every other wizard he knew had done it with no problem. No mist. No voice. Not until later, much much later, did he find out. He’d made a slight mistake in the incantation. A combination of nervousness, grief and inability to decipher minuscule writing. And he’d cast another spell. He didn’t know exactly what, except that his body had frozen. He remembered opening his eyes to the glittering sky and felt something click in place. Like it was always meant to happen. He had wondered many times what the price was. Even briefly after Merlin’s death he wondered if that was the cost of never ageing. Never dying.

He would not let Claire make the same mistakes he did.

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toxicjayhoe · 3 years

Text

We don’t have to dance

Explicit

Shinso / Reader(OC)

M / F

Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot

I mean there's some plot in my head but y'all don't get to see that haha

Cunnilingus

Blow Jobs

Hitoshi is a good boy

he asks for consent

Brainwashing

Oral Sex

Vaginal Sex

Unprotected Sex

Aged-Up Character(s) obviously

Light Dom/sub

Choking

Ahegao

Smut

He glanced across the overcrowded room, observing acquaintances and strangers as they socialized and sipped their drinks, swaying to the beat of the music. The open space of the hero office had been rearranged as to accommodate as many individuals as possible for this year’s Christmas celebration.

Shinso had never really been the type who partied, but he thought it was important to attend, if only for appearances sake. As a new Pro-hero, he believed it was a necessity to demonstrate he was a team player.

He took a mouthful of his cider, feeling it burn down his throat as he swallowed the effervescent drink. He never really drank either, but he enjoyed a nice glass every once in a while.

The couch he rested on was quite comfortable, he thought to himself as he settled back into it. He was more than content in just sitting here all evening until he believed it was acceptable to leave. He wasn’t interested in idle conversation about the weather or whatever these people were gossiping about to one another.

However, the universe had other plans for him it seemed, as Denki quickly approached him, shots in hand.

“Hey bestie, down this and let’s go get some ladies.” The blond handed the liquor towards him, urging him to take it, waggling his eyebrows and winking.

Shinso sighed, ignoring the offending alcohol currently being offered to him. “What ladies, Denki? We are at the bottom of the food chain here.”

“My dude, it’s a Christmas office party. Have you never seen a movie in your life? Things always get spicy at Christmas office parties.” He cackled, downing one of the shots and throwing the empty cup behind him. He pulled another from behind his back.

The purple haired man made a face, before chuckling quietly. “Where did that one come from?!”

Denki shrugged, shoving the two shots into Shinso’s hands. He rolled his purple eyes, giving in to maybe the only true friend he had.

He brought them to his lips, one after the other, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and placing the empty receptacles on the table by him. Of course Denki had chosen peppermint schnapps.

“I’m only going to be your wingman, and only because you could really use the support.” He said with a bored tone to his voice as he pushed himself up from the sofa. Denki whooped enthusiastically, rushing off to where Shinso could only assume the ladies were.

He unhurriedly trailed after him, making his way between the gatherings of individuals, being vigilant as to not come into contact with anyone as he passed them. He wasn’t fond of strangers to start, much less being touched by them in any way.

He was terrific at communicating when he was obligated to, which was merely when he was required to use his Quirk. He still had issues with it and, even now, citizens still told him it was better suited for a villain, but he’d come to terms with not being able to please everyone. As long as he did a respectable job as a pro-hero and protecting the populace, then he would be happy.

Once he finally made it beyond the crowd and to where Denki had run off to, said man was being rejected by yet another woman.

Jaw clenched as not to show any suggestion of a smirk, he clapped the blond on the back in sympathy.

“You’re aiming way too high, Denki. And you try too hard.” He said simply, unsure if it was the right thing to say or not. Nonetheless, the shorter man smiled up at him, seemingly undeterred by yet another loss.

“Let’s go play foosball!” Denki hollered, forcing him in the direction of the tabletop game, stealing two additional beverages as a waiter walked by them.

They played a few rounds, one versus the other. Shinso loathed to admit it, but he had struggled to keep up with the innate talent Denki appeared to have at the game.

Just as he began to genuinely start enjoying his night, Denki sprinted off, declaring he needed to piss. Shinso took the moment alone to survey his surroundings once more, taking in the sight of people’s inhibitions all but forgotten as alcohol started influencing their behaviors. He took another sip of his own drink, finishing it in one gulp.

If he was being honest with himself, he was also starting to feel the affects drinking had on his body and on his mind.

He leaned onto the wall behind him, arms crossed on his chest as Denki came into sight, marching towards him, arms intertwined with the two women at his sides.

One of them he recognized as Jiro, whom he was relatively convinced Denki had a major crush on. The other, however, he could not recall ever having the pleasure of meeting.

“Shinso, don’t be rude, say hi!” He rolled his eyes before nodding silently at them both. “Good enough. Okay! Me and Jiro against the two of you. Let’s do this.”

/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*

Shinso was sure Denki had let him win for some odd reason his mind could not fathom.

As the two of them argued over why they lost the game, he cleared his throat, offering his hand to the shorter woman by his side

“I’m Shinso. Hitoshi Shinso. It’s nice to make your acquaintance”

She smiled, giving him a firm handshake.

“I know who you are, Brainwashing Hero.” His eyes widened, astonished anyone, let alone an alluring young woman, would know who he was. Was she not frightened of his quirk like everyone else had been? “My name is Aruna Ai.”

He heard himself hum before the words spilled from his mouth like word vomit.

“The moon does not fight. It attacks no one. It does not worry. It does not try to crush others. It keeps to its course, but by its very nature, it gently influences. What other body could pull an entire ocean from shore to shore? The moon is faithful to its nature and its power is never diminished.” He finished, taking a deep breath after such a long-winded sentence.

“Did you just quote Deng Ming-Doa’s Everyday Tao: Living with Balance and Harmony at me?” Aruna stared at Shinso, brows furrowed as her lips quirked up.

His hand found the back of his neck as heat rose to his cheeks in mortification, unable to look directly at her.

“Sorry, I don’t know where that came from, heh.” He continued to look everywhere but her, feeling crushingly stupid. Aruna chuckled, placing the palm of her hand on his muscular arm and squeezing.

“Don’t worry so much. I’m already a fan.” An overwhelming sense of calm overtook him then, like something paranormal was causing him to relax.

“What’s your quirk?” He blurted. He scratched his skull, once again mortified that he seemed to not have a filter tonight.

She squeezed his arm again before dropping her hand to her side, smiling brightly up at him.

“Well aren’t you just the most perceptive man?” She crammed her hand into her pockets, rocking back and forth on the heels of her shoes, seemingly deep in thought.

He patiently watched her.

“I can manifest emotions in others if I have direct skin contact with them. My power varies depending on the cycle of the moon though.”

He felt his eyebrow arch in curiosity. It was sort of similar to his own quirk, when he thought about it.

“That is truly fascinating, Aruna.”

She huffed and laughed. “Not as fascinating as being able to brainwash someone. I wonder what it feels like.”

“Care to find out?” He couldn’t believe the words leaving his own mouth.

“I would love to.” No hesitation in her voice, only a slight blush stained her cheeks.

His eyes narrowed as he stared into hers. “Are you sure?” His voice low.

She rolled her eyes “Of course I’m sure, Shin-“ Her eyes glazed over as her mind went blank.

“Follow me.” Came the command.

Although she had no control over her own movements, her mind was still aware enough to realise what was happening.

She was led across the crowds and through the halls. He silently guided her into an unoccupied office, small cots lined up on the walls.

He released his hold on her mind, allowing her a moment to turn around and leave, if she so chose.

His gaze never left her face, eyes concentrated on the way her cheeks darkened. Mortified, no doubt.

They remained standing, unmoving for long moments. Hesitation welled in him for a second, unsure of himself. Aruna’s breathing came out in a sigh as she strode forward, toward him in quick steps. When she reached him, her hands grasped his clothed shoulders as she pushed herself up onto the tips of her toes, raising her lips to meet his in a sweet kiss.

Purple eyes widened at the unexpected contact.

“I just… wanted to do that of my own accord first.” She whispered as she stepped back, breathing heavier than moments before, smile on her lips.

“You look at me like you think I’m someone else.” He said simply.

Her eyes narrowed, a look he could not read painting her features.

“How do I say this… We don’t have to talk, and we don’t have to dance around it, we don’t even have to be friends. I’m attracted to you…I want you to brainwash me. And…” She paused as Shinso slowly approached her.

Eyes peered into hers, pupils dilated. “And?”

“And… I want you to use me as you wis-“ Her mouth hung open, no words coming out as Shinso gained control once again. If she could smirk, she would have.

“Come here.” Her feet pulled her to where he was now sat on one of the cots.

Large hands grasped hers. The softness of her fingers in comparison to his own, rough and calloused, felt like heaven.

Shinso had never done anything like this before and the thrill of it all made blood rush through his entire body, his heart hammering in his chest.

He looked up into her blank eyes, dick twitching against his slacks at the sight of her. He couldn’t wait to see her ruined by him.

He couldn’t get enough of her soft skin, gliding his fingers up her arm and to her neck while the other hand drifted lower, reaching under her dress.

A devilish smirk formed on his face when his fingers tightened around her throat, a soft gasp leaving her mouth.

Hiking her dress up, he dug his fingers into her hip, pulling Aruna closer, lowering his head to kiss just above his tight grip.

Teeth grazed against her skin, eliciting soft moans from above as he nipped and kissed and sucked, marking her. He hoped the resulting bruises would last weeks, reminding her of tonight.

Despite that most thought that, while under the influence of his quirk, his victims couldn’t remember what they’d done under Shinso’s control, it all depended if he wanted them to remember or not.

He most definitely wanted Aruna to remember tonight, needed her to feel and see everything he would do to her and have her do to him.

“Spread your legs.”

A hum left his lips as she did what she was told, legs far enough apart for his face to fit nicely between soft thighs.

“Good girl.” He whispered, looking up into those blank eyes, her pupils now dilated, a look of lust filling them.

He kept his gaze fixated on hers as he released her neck, hand gliding to her breast, squeezing it gently. Fuck, he couldn’t get enough of her body. Her soft curves and her even softer skin. The breathy moans that left her lips at every new sensation.

Perhaps she was the one ruining him.

Both hands were on her hips, fingers slipping under the hem of her panties, dragging them down her legs and around her feet. He placed them in his pant pocket. They were his now.

As he pressed his nose to her, he inhaled deeply, a groan ripping through his throat. Absolute heaven, the scent of her driving him crazy with need.

His tongue met her folds, licking up to her clit before bringing it into his mouth and sucking. He felt her knees go weak, the only thing holding her up straight now were his strong hands at her hips.

She tasted absolutely amazing. Shinso’s eyes squeezed shut as he devoured her. He was sure his fingers were leaving bruises. He hoped they were.

Leaving her pussy for air was torture, but he could feel his control over her slipping as he got lost in the taste of her.

“I’m going to let go of your hips now. Don’t fall.”

He wiped his chin of her juices with the back of his hand, tongue darting out to gather the droplets on his lips. He pressed his palm down onto his cock, needing some kind of touch to release the pressure building inside him.

Nimble fingers unbuckled his belt, releasing his cock from its confines. Aruna glanced down, eyes lidded.

Her own tongue slipped from her mouth, licking her lips at the sight of him slowly stroking his cock, tired eyes locked on hers.

“Come taste me.” The commanding tone sent noticeable shivers down her spine, clearly trembling where she stood.

She could feel herself resisting the request, his control wavering as pleasure began to overtake his senses.

“ Obey me.” Aruna’s knees hit the floor, palms resting on his thighs as she positioned her mouth over him.

One calloused hand cupped her cheek, guiding her lower, the other gripping the base of his cock.

The sound that rumbled through his chest was unholy as she took as much of him into her warm mouth as she possibly could, hallowing her cheeks the instant the head hit the back of her throat.

“F-fuck. Aruna” His fingers fisted into her hair, staring down at her as drool dribbled down her chin. He gently pushed her down on his cock, face fucking her softly. He didn’t want to hurt her, but fuck if her wet tongue across the underside of his dick didn’t feel like paradise.

She moaned around him as he thrust into her mouth, sending delightful vibrations through him, dick twitching in her mouth. He was losing control. He could feel it.

Her tongue swirled around the head of his cock and- he was sure it would be the end of him. This girl. How did he get so fucking lucky?

Aruna’s fingers dug into his thighs as she came up for air, his quirk weak enough from the pleasure to break out of it.

His eyes widened as she quickly rose to her feet, pushing his chest down as she settled onto his lap, sitting on his cock, sinking down on it in one swift movement.

Strong hands grasped her hips once more, furiously fucking up into her. Every moan from her lips sent heat through him.

“You like that, baby?” He asked, voice hoarse and husky.

“Y-yes. Hah. You feel so good, Hitosh-“ Her pussy tightened around him, losing herself to his control once more.

“Silly girl. Stick your tongue out for me, and don’t stop fucking yourself on my cock.”

Her eyes blank again, tongue sticking out, drooling down her face. It was absolutely stunning. So fucking beautiful, and it was all for him. He had never seen anything so breathtaking.

He stared into her face, bringing his thumb to her clit, gently pressing circles into it and watched as she shuddered, grinding on him harder, breaths coming out unevenly, whimpers escaping her lips every time he bottomed out in her.

“You’re so beautiful. Aruna. Fuck. The way I fit inside you, like we were meant to be like this.”

The words left his mouth, any shame he might have felt discarded, pleasure overwhelming his every sense. She looked amazing, tasted amazing, smelt amazing. She was perfect.

He grasped her throat again, other hand on her ass as he met her thrust for thrust. She was close, he could feel it in the way her walls clenched around him, in the way her eyes crossed, tongue still lolling from her delicious little mouth.

“Come for me, my lovely moon. “

She stilled above him, walls clenching tight one more time as her insides fluttered around him, sending him over the edge, cock spurting deep inside her, a growl leaving his throat, fingers tightening painfully around her neck.

She collapsed against his chest as he released control over her, breathing heavily in the crook of his neck as he gently caressed her back and played with her hair, calming her as she came down from her orgasm.

Shinso adjusted her dress to cover her body. His heart felt full for what seemed like the first time in his life.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Aruna.”

He felt her smile against his neck.

There was no point in saving the world if it meant losing the moon.

Art by Me

#hitoshi shinso #shinsou x reader #bnha shinsou #mha fic #shinsou smut #shinso x you #shinso #shinso simp #boku no hero academia #mha fanart #shinso fanart #hitoshi shinso fanart #boku no hero fanfic #boku no hero smut #happy birthday shinso

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agathasangel · 3 years

Text

because you’re worth it (cordelia goode x fem!reader)

Hi this is a shitty vent fic because I’m sad

Warnings: mentions of past bullying/verbal abuse/mental abuse, implied eating issues, reader just has very low self esteem in general, some teacher/student stuff but reader is over 18. Angst and maybe hurt/comfort i guess.

Summary: You never thought you were anything exceptional. In fact, you never thought much of yourself at all, and your family and peers didn’t seem to either. But one day, after finally being able to access your telekinesis in a moment of fear for your life, you were sent to an academy for girls with exceptional powers. You found a home and a family, but still never felt quite at home until one meeting with the headmistress who seemed to understand your pain.

“Remember (y/n), intention! Your powers are innate, you still have it in you!”, Zoe told you during one of your lessons. You began to really believe it, and it worked! The candle glided right to your hand like it was nothing. Normally your telekinesis only showed up when you were angry or scared, and it was almost uncontrollable.

Your first time performing telekinesis was when you were in high school. One of the many boys who bullied and harassed you relentlessly tried to run you over with his car as a “joke” when you were walking home. In a moment of fear and shock, his car flipped over. He survived, but was badly injured and the incident made the news, and you were interviewed because you were the only witness. About a year or so later, after you graduated, your parents got a call from Cordelia Goode, asking to meet with you. Little did either of them know that in the past year, there have been more incidents. Things would fall when you were angry, explode or break when you were scared. You knew you were doing it with your mind somehow, but knew you’d just sound crazy if you tried to explain it to anyone.

When you met with Cordelia, she seemed impressed by how strong your powers were. It had been so long since anyone seemed impressed by you.

“Oh, it only happens when I’m feeling some strong emotion, like when I’m angry or scared. I don’t even know if I really belong here, my parents say I-”

“That often is how it starts, (y/n). But I think you’ll master it quickly. And you do belong here. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt.” The older woman walked around the table and touched your shoulder, closing her eyes for a moment. The touch felt nice, safe. You liked it.

“I’m sorry about what that boy did to you. Or I should say, tried to do. He got what he deserved.”

Cordelia seemed nice. Everyone often talked about how kind she was, how deeply she cared about all of her girls. But there was a part of you that, despite everything, made you doubt that her kindness would really extend to you. You were so used to seeing the worst sides of the people with the best reputations. You learned to not judge people based on how they treat you, because sometimes even the “kindest” people were mean to you, and you didn’t know why.

But that feeling seemed to fade away, as Cordelia was always kind to you. You still didn’t have any friends at the academy, as you were too scared to talk to anybody for very long. You didn’t think you deserved to be around the other girls. You were scared they would make fun of you if you talked to them for too long, so you often cut your conversations off quickly. Some of the other girls thought you were stuck up, but most of them understood you were just shy.

The day you learned to control your telekinesis was one of the best days. You felt like you were a real witch and knew that you did deserve to be there after all.

About a year after you were admitted, you still struggled with seeing yourself as a real part of the school, and the coven. You couldn’t believe any of them actually wanted you, especially not the Supreme. You knew you were a real witch, and that you belonged there, but you still saw yourself as less than everyone else. You always saw yourself that way, because of what everyone told you. They said you were ugly, they criticized your body, called you stupid, annoying, weird, a freak, even your parents told you that maybe you deserved to be bullied. You still felt bad for taking up space, even though this was supposed to be your home.

One day, you were in the greenhouse late at night, working on a potion for the project you had to do, when Cordelia came in.

You immediately started to apologize, “Cordelia, I’m so sorry, I’ll go now..” you said as you packed up and left.

“No, no, stay here and finish. You don’t need to apologize, you have every right to be here. We can share.”

“Thank you, Cordelia.”

“This is as much your home as it is mine, honey. Now what are you working on?”

“Oh, it’s just a potion I need for my incantation class tomorrow. I’m almost done, I’ll be out of your way soon-”

“(Y/n), you’re not in my way at all! Actually, I’d like you to stay if you don’t mind, I’ve been wanting to talk to you for quite some time now.”

Those weren’t good words. Were you in trouble? Was she kicking you out?

She clearly saw your face because she said “No, don’t worry, you’re not in any kind of trouble. I just want to make sure you’re alright,” said Cordelia as she checked on all of her plants.

“Why?”

“Because I care about my girls. You’re doing wonderfully in your classes, you’re becoming a talented witch. But you’ve been here over a year and you barely talk, you hide in your room, skip meals entirely or not eat when you do show up. I see all of that. I see how small you try to make yourself seem around everyone. I know you’re shy and that you’ve been hurt before, but you don’t need to hide from any of us. You especially don’t need to hide from me. Come here.”

You came closer to Cordelia, and, abandoning her plants, she hugged you tight. It had been so long since you felt affection like that.

“You don’t deserve that, (y/n), you don’t deserve any of that. I saw so much of your life just now. Every awful, untrue thing you’ve been made to believe about yourself, the horrible things people have said and done to you. You alone, here, terrified to speak to any of the girls, or even me.”

“You saw all of that?” You said as you started to cry.

“Yes. Shh, don’t cry. You’re okay... don’t worry, I’ve got you. Poor thing, you’re shaking,” she held you tighter, running her hand through your hair.

“You know, (y/n), I do understand how you feel.”

“You? But you’re-“

“I wasn’t always the Supreme, you know. In fact I was probably the last witch anyone expected to be the next Supreme. Before passing the Seven Wonders, I suffered loss after loss after loss. My mother hated me when all I wanted was her approval. My husband was secretly a witch hunter who only married me for ‘access’. Everyone told me I was weak and unworthy, and I believed it. I didn’t think I belonged here, or anywhere.”

“I’m so sorry Cordelia. I had no idea.”

“And when I stopped believing all of that, that was when my powers grew. I think your powers will grow as well once you start seeing yourself as a worthy part of our family, because you are.”

“You really think so?”

“You know, (y/n), I’ve always seen so much of myself in you.”

“Thank you, Cordelia. That means a lot.”

“And there’s one more thing...”

“What is it?”

“I love you, (y/n). I don’t know what kind of love it is yet but I know I love you. I thought at first I just cared for you like I would a little sister. But there’s a part of me that thinks I love you in another way.... of course I don’t really know yet. I would need some time. And I would never abuse my power over you. After all, my main concern is to protect you.”

“Cordelia... I think I love you too.” And you shyly kissed her on the cheek.

“You missed”, she said as she kissed you right on the lips, and you kissed back.

“Take some time and think about it. It’s been an emotional night. I won’t pressure you either way, and no matter what happens, I will always be by your side.”

You spent the rest of the night gardening with Cordelia and just feeling her presence until you both went to bed.

“Goodnight, (y/n). Remember everything I told you, my wonderful girl.”

“I will, Cordelia. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

#cordelia goode #cordelia goode x reader #sarah paulson #sarah paulson fics #sarah paulson x reader #this is just me imagining being comforted by Cordelia bc I’m sad because ppl are mean #my fics

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