#like taylor does have anxiety and depression and disordered eating and who knows what other kinds of struggles | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

breashaw · 1 year

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Does exercise and physical activity affect a person's emotions?

Does exercise and physical activity affect a person's emotions? I think about questions like this a lot while I'm at the gym. This question is important to me because I want to know all the benefits that a person can get from participating in physical activity. As someone who goes to the gym a lot, I know I believe that the gym makes me feel better about myself for many reasons. I find this question important because if there are so many physical benefits of exercising, what could the mental and emotional benefits be? This question is also important because there is an increase in mental health and obesity problems in the United States. Many studies have been done to help show if exercise and physical activity truly benefits a person's mental health and well-being. If there are any benefits that I could teach an audience of people, I would like them to read this blog and learn with me. I would also like the audience to benefit from this blog, and if anyone is looking for a little motivation to start a physical activity, I hope this can be a reason. I would like to direct this research to anyone who is struggling with mental health and anyone who would like to know more about the benefits of physical activities.

One source that I found by Obesity Bias in the article called, "An Under-recognized social justice, diversity, and inclusivity issue", says that obesity bias increases a person's vulnerability to depression, low self-esteem, poor body image, disordered eating, and exercise avoidance (Obesity Bias 2021). There are a lot of factors that contribute to a person's body image and a person's weight/appearance. But one thing that I know makes me feel better about my body image is working out, and participating in activities that allow me to move my body. And I personally feel happier when I feel comfortable in my body. This does not mean losing weight or gaining weight, but just allowing the body to move, be physical, and also allow endorphins to pump through the body. There are a few problems that can come about when trying to start an activity that one is not fully familiar with. One problem that comes about starting at a gym when a person is considered obese, is the inclusive environment that a gym can have. This can cause a bad experience with physical activity, thus causing a person to not want to go back. Obesity Bias also says the obesity bias observed in educational programs and school settings extends into other physical activity domains as well. For example, Citation Dimmock, Hallett, and Grove (2009) found that personal trainers preferred working with “thin” as opposed to “overweight” exercisers, and this preference seemed to happen at an unconscious level (Taylor and Francis 2021). This can make it hard for a person to find a trainer to even start in the gym.

Many sources that I have researched say that exercise has shown to increasingly lower depression rates compared to a person who does not exercise. Participating in a physical activity can help improve a person's mental health among all women and men, along with all ages, and races. One study that was done found that individuals who exercised had about 1·5 (about 43%) fewer days of poor mental health in the past month than individuals who did not exercise but were otherwise similar in terms of age, race, gender, marital status, income, employment status, education level, BMI category, self-reported physical health, and previous diagnosis of depression (Psychiatry 2018). When I am having a hard, stressful day, or even need a break from reality, I always find going to the gym helps with my stress. Physical activity helps pump endorphins through a person's body. This helps relieve all the stress and anxiety that a person is feeling. I asked my roommate Ella Moffenbier about how she feels after going to the gym. She simply replied by saying, “After I started exercising, I have felt a decrease in anxiety and stress throughout the day. I also feel better about myself, leaving me feeling happier overall.” I know that my mom, Becky, has been going to the gym for years now. I asked her the simple question, how do you feel after going to the gym, and she replied, “I find myself feeling happier and less stressed throughout the day when I am at work.” My sister is involved in multiple sports at her high school like volleyball and track and field. I asked her why she chooses to do these activities. She replied by saying “The sports keep me busy year long. They help me keep in shape, which makes me feel better about myself. I have found myself to feel happier during the sports seasons, along with meeting new friends as well.”

Obesity bias in the gym: An under-recognized social justice, diversity, and inclusivity issue. Taylor & Francis. (n.d.). Retrieved April 10, 2023, from https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07303084.2014.927668

Psychiatry, L. (2018, September 1). Association between physical exercise and mental health in 1·2 million individuals in the USA between 2011 and 2015: a cross-sectional study. ClinicalKey. Retrieved April 4, 2023, from https://www.clinicalkey.com/#!/content/playContent/1-s2.0-S221503661830227X?returnurl=null&referrer=null

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darkphoenix07 · 2 years

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Ateez Masterlist

I've made a special slot for the one shot or other things of other writer's on Tumblr that are my favorite. I hope the writers won't mind, I'm just supporting them because they're amazing!

Enjoy these too🌃

Secretly loving each other but knowing about each other's feelings -Yunho

(A fluff by @hwanchaesong)

Strangers to lovers one shot - Yunho

(A smut fluff by @ateezmakemeweep)

Kdrama au 'Hi bye Mama' - Hongjong

(Fluff,Angst by @hwanchaesong )

Back to you series - San

(A series by @ateezmakemeweep )

Ateez prompt request (Request Closed)❌

# First one to cum is the loser (Seonghwa)

# That position looks impossible enough, let's try it (Hongjong)

# Brat taming you (Choi San)

Ateez mental health request (Request Open ✔️)

# Helping you as you have PTSD (Seonghwa)

# Prioritizing your mental health over his concert (Yunho)

# Supporting you on your graduation day as your dad is dead (Hongjong)

# Helps you with chronic nightmare and anxiety (Seonghwa)

# Comforting you after getting assaulted (Yunho)

# Helps you as you isolate yourself often (Hongjong)

# helps you with eating disorder (Jongho)

Yunho boxer au (One shot)

Little brother being possessive and threatening Yunho (Reaction)

When you are mad at them (Reaction)

Ateez being boyfriend (Reaction)

Mending yourself, San helping you with depression and anxiety (One shot)

Make out session with Mingi in his parents' house (One shot)

Ex to lovers, San (One shot)

Jeong Yunho

🌿 Intimacy with your boyfriend while watching movie (Smut)

🌿 Your boss having a little surprise for you in his cabin (Smut)

🌿 Friends by Chase Atlantic (Smut, Angst)

Coming soon

College sweet boyfriend (Fluff)

Driving at midnight only makes him want you more (Smut)

When your friend's brother takes care of you because he likes you (Fluff)

Getting jealous because you went to go to see movie with Mingi (Smut)

Meeting your family for the first time (Fluff)

Getting mad at you because you didn't tell him that you've hurt yourself (Fluff)

Choi San

🌿 Sex after argument (Smut)

🌿 Handling you when you're drunk (Fluff)

🌿 San and Wooyoung fill your desire (Threesome)

Coming soon

Teaching you how to dance and getting intimated (Smut)

Your abusive ex trying to hurt you in absence of your boyfriend San (Fluff)

Making you jealous to get your attention (Smut)

When your child calls your boss 'dad' an he likes that (Fluff)

Not letting you go in the party because of your tiny dress (Smut)

Jung Wooyoung

🌿 Your playboy best friend who likes you secretly (Fluff)

🌿 Wooyoung and San fill your desire (Threesome)

Coming soon

Your first intimacy with your roommate (Smut)

Kidnapped by a gangster and falling for him (Angst, Smut)

Your husband taking care of you when he hears you're pregnant (Fluff)

Choi Jongho

🎶 Paper Rings by Taylor Swift ( Romance, Friends to Lovers, Fluff)

Coming soon

Getting mad when you got abused by your parents (Fluff, Angst)

Your best friend getting jealous over the popular boy (Smut)

Dancing in the rain while you are drunk (Fluff)

When you lost your friend and your boyfriend helps you to get over it (Fluff)

Kang Yeosang

Your cold boyfriend getting clingy with you because you're insecure (Fluff, Angst)

Coming soon

When fighting with you went wrong and you hurt yourself (Angst, Fluff)

Saving you from another kingdom, him as a prince (Smut, Fluff, Angst)

Getting intimated with your workout instructor (Smut)

Song Mingi

Coming soon

When you're a single mother (Fluff)

School fuck boy confessing his love to you (Smut)

Pretending to sleep to see what he does (Fluff)

Getting late to save you, him as a gangster (Angst, Fluff, Smut)

Kim Hongjong

Coming soon

Him being Possessive because of your boss (Fluff)

Disturbing him while he is working (Smut)

Falling in love with your husband after the hectic arrange marriage (Fluff)

Your Mafia boyfriend finding out you shot his best friend (Angst, Fluff)

Park Seonghwa

Coming soon

Him as your professor who has a crush on you (Fluff)

Falling in love with him knowing he is a single dad (Fluff)

Your best friend handling you after break-up (Smut)

Meeting his family for the first time (Fluff)

Confessing love to your boss after getting drunk (Fluff, Smut)

When you're pregnant

When they are mad at you

Coming soon

When they're mad at you

Types of kisser they are

Types of vampire the are

When you're mad at them

Types of seducer they are

When you try to hurt yourself

When you say that you want a baby

When they yell at you

When you fall asleep on their shoulder

When they are your boss

When they are being jealous

| Elixir of 🕸️Death (J.W)

A vampire series by @darkphoenix07

|| Taglist ||

@theaufanartist @hwanchaesong @littleninja97 @fudgeflyssworld @loosmyshit @pinki-minki @sanshinee-world @harusoraa @kitty4hwa @northerngalxy

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angelicamerlinbarnes · 3 years

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I just really think Remus Lupin is a ballerina okay AU

Remus Lupin has been doing ballet since he was four. He was exuberant and flashy at first, but after his first teacher, Greyback, molested and abused him, he is quiet and reserved. He prefers to dance by himself and does not speak to anyone inside or outside of the class. He wears pink material and is the best dancer in the school, but everyone is more terrified of him than they are jealous. He has sad eyes and soft hair, but prominent scars (both self-inflicted and from Greyback and accidents) cover his freckled skin. He’s a mystery, but no one wants to solve him.

He lives with his roommate and only friend, Severus Snape, who is a writer. He spins out films and novels and poems by the hundreds, especially inspired by the rain. Remus and Severus will often spend rainy days together in their apartment, with Severus typing furiously and scribbling while Remus dances to Hozier and Lana Del Rey off to the side. Sometimes when Remus will have nightmares, Severus will hold him and sing Russian lullabies until he falls asleep. Severus smokes lazily and wears subdued flower and gothic dresses that show off his jutting hips and collar bones. Having escaped an abusive father and a dead mother, he and Remus bond over their shit parents, with Remus’ father being neglectful and his mother kind but catatonic. Their neighbors think they’re witches, but they’re alright with that.

They both have to work to pay the bills, so while Severus works with preschoolers, Remus works as an assistant for a terrifying professor named Grindelwald at the university. He’s a reformed felon who’s always glowering, and there are rumors he’s Dumbledore’s husband, who is Remus’ mysterious ballet teacher with the twinkling eyes. But no one has the guts to ask him - it’s unknown what he was locked up for, and nobody wants to risk that it was irrational homicide. He mostly ignores Remus though, and doesn’t mind if Remus reads or dances while he works, so Remus doesn’t think he’s too bad.

One day Remus is grading some papers for Grindelwald when Lily Evans walks in, a vision in a white floral lace flowing vest and an across-the-shoulders dark blue dress, a brown belt around her waist and matching ankle boots coming up over creme knee-high knit socks, a black hat on her head. There’s a camera around her neck and her smile is beautiful, surrounded by her freckles, and she and Remus hit it off immediately. She asks if he can spare some time to be her model for the day, and he agrees. They’re hanging out in the park and laughing when Severus walks over, having finished work. The moment he and Lily lay eyes on each other, something happens, something magical, and Remus can see it in both of their smiles as they exchange shy hellos.

Lily starts to hang around them, her and Severus teetering on the edge of something. Remus nudges Severus until he’s brave enough to ask her out, and their first date is in the park where they met, sitting on a bench in the rain and watching the birds. Remus is pretty sure they’re gonna get married one day.

To keep himself busy while his two friends fall in love, Remus escapes to the dance school, dancing alone to Lana Del Rey in an empty room when the door creaks open and he hears, “Wow.” He turns around and smiles, taking in the sight of James Potter, an old school friend who left for Julliard and he hasn’t seen in years. James laughs, pulling him into a hug, and Remus lets him, tangling his hands in James’ curls and grinning when James presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. James tells him he’s been enjoying a gap year before going to search for a job as a back-up dancer for Taylor Swift, to which Remus giggles and tells him he’ll be great. James beams, and pulls Remus along, saying he has to meet James’ best friend-partner-person. Remus agrees, and changes back into his flowing white dress decorated in bees and black flats, tucking spruce leaves in his hair before taking James’ hand and following him out.

At James’ apartment, he calls out, “Babe! I’m home!” Remus watches as Sirius Black comes skidding down the hall, dazzling in a sparkling black croptop with gold touches and a raggedy sheer maroon skirt that falls just above his spiky combat boots. With white and gold dahlias in his hair, he’s the most beautiful thing Remus has ever seen, and he stares as James pecks Sirius on the mouth, coming away with dark red lipstick stains. When Sirius looks up at Remus, his eyes twinkling, and Remus reaches out a hesitant hand, which Sirius takes. “Hi,” he breathes, and Sirius laughs, loud and bright. He leans in and kisses Remus’ cheek. “Hello, beautiful,” he says sweetly, wrapping an arm around Remus’ waist. “James has told me all about you, love.” Remus blushes, unable to stop smiling even as Sirius pulls away at James’ indignant “Oi!” and doesn’t touch him again. Sirius is the love of his life - he doesn’t know how, but it’s something he just somehow knows, the feeling taking root in his chest and sprouting flowers.

Sirius, as it turns out, is James’ roommate and queerplatonic partner. He ran away from his abusive home and is taking commissions as an artist. Mostly he draws wolves, dogs, rats, deers, doves, snakes, and cats. He affectionately calls Remus Moony, insisting his scars look like something were bit him and his eyes are the fierce amber of a wolf’s. Sirius in turn is called Padfoot, for his doglike energy and loving nature, while James is dubbed Prongs for being a dumbass who continually forgets he’s too big to fit in small spaces and gets lost in the woods almost every weekend. Remus never wants to stop hanging out with them, and learns to spend hours shopping at the vintage shop where Sirius works, the two of them falling for each other fast while James reclaims them as his partners in love as in life. And Remus is so, so happy.

While he’s busy falling in love with Sirius, Lily has moved in with him and Severus. Remus doesn’t mind, and tells Severus he’s thinking of making a home with Sirius and James. Severus hugs him and tells him he’s proud of him, suggesting they hang out that day just the two of them, like old times. Remus agrees, and lets Severus take him to the cafe where Lily works. In the corner of the shop is Regulus Black, a boy drenched in hoodies and coats that Remus and Severus buy free food and drinks for. Regulus thanks them profusely, and they all make small talk until Remus makes a comment that Regulus looks like Remus’ boyfriend Sirius, to which Regulus starts crying, explaining that Sirius is his older brother and he’s been trying to find him for years but gave up looking when their shit parents died and Sirius was nowhere to be found at the funeral. Remus offers to take him home, and Severus kisses Remus on the forehead before heading off to find Lily.

On the way there, they stop at the bakery and accept some free cupcakes from Peter Pettigrew, who owns the bakery with his elusive partner. Regulus, as it turns out, is homeless, and has been trying to make it on his busking money alone. But while he’s fairly lovely at singing, it’s not enough to buy anything concrete. As they eat, Regulus also tells Remus about Amir Levis, a librarian who lets him stay at the library. Remus exclaims that he already knows Amir, who helps Remus remember his pills and doctor’s appointments and always has a spare wheelchair and some tea for him just in case. Regulus admits to having a crush on Amir, but he’s too scared to do anything about it. Remus assures him he and Sirius will help him with it, and just like that they’re on their way.

At home, Remus smiles softly at the sight of Sirius and James entwined on the couch and says, “Look who I found.” At the sight of Regulus, Sirius shoves James to the floor in his haste to stand up, taking Regulus’ face in his hands and searching his eyes for answers. “You got out?” He says, breathless. “Really? You’re alright?” Regulus smiles sheepishly. “Of course I did, Siri,” he whispers. “You think I was gonna let you have all the fun?” Sirius tears up and tugs him close, rocking back and forth as the two of them mumble apologies and love confessions into each other’s necks and shoulders and hair. Remus gravitates towards James, kissing him with a smile before pulling him out of the apartment, saying they should leave the brothers alone.

Remus takes the opportunity to introduce James to Severus and Lily, who are immediately taken with him. They offer to watch him for the afternoon while Remus goes to therapy with Maxwell Needles, a counselor with magenta hair who talks to Remus about life, his accident, his trauma, Greyback, his suicidal tendencies, anxiety, PTSD, and depression. Remus also takes the chance to pick up Sirius and James’ ADHD medication, Peter’s OCD prescription, Lily’s bipolar medication, Severus’ schizophrenia suppressors, and a few books on autism (for Severus), Tourette’s (for Lily), and eating disorders (for James and, Remus suspects somehow, Regulus). Max is delighted to see him with so many friends, and says they’ll bring Peter over sometime for dinner. Though he’s not sure where that would happen since he’s torn between two homes right now, Remus agrees with a smile and bids the skater kid in the checkered jeans goodbye.

Back at school, Remus spends his afternoons in conversation with Mcgonogall, the waltz teacher who takes care of him. She’d adopted him when his parents died and he tries to stick around, asking advice about Sirius and James and whether moving in with them is a good idea. Mcgonogall says she thinks it is, and that she knows Sirius is a kind young man. As it is, he calls her Minnie, and knows her as a friend and a grandmother of sorts, since she helped him when he first ran away to James’ house. Remus is content with continuing the conversation but is interrupted by a phone call telling him Sirius, James, and Regulus have been jailed for a fist fight on the street.

Remus goes to pick them up, where he meets Bellatrix Lestrange, an abusive cousin of Sirius and Regulus who took particular joy out of torturing Sirius, who she almost killed once. She’s also been known to abuse children, especially those of the poor. Also in jail are Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, a couple married only in spirit who keep having miscarriages and take their abusive anger out on each other and strangers. Their landlord, Voldemort, had demanded unconventional payments and they’d been essentially enslaved to him for years, only escaping his cultist grasp by means of murder, which is why they’re here now.

Remus sees James holding Regulus close and whispering to him as he kisses the cuts and bruises on his face in the corner of the cell, but says nothing about it, kissing Sirius hello. The four of them go home together, and as soon as Regulus is asleep Remus tells James and Sirius that he wants to make a home with them someday, just not right now. They laugh and smile and tell him they’re ready when he is and that they love him, and Remus thinks, Things are good.

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jbbarnesnnoble · 3 years

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JBBarnesNNoble's 2nd Annual Mental Health Awareness Month Challenge 2021

Hello lovely people! And welcome to the 2nd Annual Mental Health Awareness Month Writing Challenge. The aim of this challenge is to shine a light on mental health, medical conditions, and the things that can have impacts on us. This started out initially being a PCOS Awareness challenge last year but through conversations with other writers over Discord, it evolved into a Mental Health Awareness Month Writing Challenge last year. I’m reusing some of the unused prompts from last year’s challenge and adding in some new ones!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. The goal of this challenge is to lift each other up, and show that it’s okay not to be okay. Spread some love and light during a challenging time in the world to those who struggle with chronic illness, depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, grief, PCOS, acceptance from their families and communities for being LGBT+, and anyone struggling with insecurity.

This challenge will run through July 31st, 2021. It will run through Mental Health Awareness Month, Pride Month, and the month of July to give people time to write. You can submit it at any time. I probably have too many prompts, but I wanted to ensure that there was a wide array to choose from. Please don’t hesitate to message me if I haven’t interacted with your fic after a few days! Sometimes the tag system doesn’t work and I miss things!

The Rules:

1. Utilize resources available online if you’re dealing with subject matter you’re not that familiar with. I’m not going to go all “cite sources” on y’all, but please do make sure to do your research. Writing about some of these issues can be hard if you don’t have first hand knowledge of how it can affect you. The goal of this challenge is to write about topics that we tend to shy away from, that many of us struggle with, from mental health struggles to chronic illnesses to low-self esteem. A gentle reminder that if you think writing about a subject will be triggering for you, please look after yourself first.

2. Use #JBBNNMHAM21 to tag your fic

3. Dark!Fic- Due to the subject matter involved in this challenge, please don’t submit dark!fic. I enjoy dark fics, but this challenge isn’t the place for them.

4. Smut- Smut is welcome! Make sure you tag it appropriately.

5. No inc*st, dubcon/noncon, underage, etc

6. Ships- I prefer reader inserts, but show me what ya got.

7. NO JOHN WALKER FICS. Please. Please no. I beg of you.

8. Selecting Prompts: Just let me know which one you want to do! 2 people per prompt! The song prompts have a line from them under it. You DO NOT need to use the line in your submission! It’s mostly to help you decide if you’re interested in a song before you take a listen to it.

You also can alter the sentence and dialogue prompts as needed for grammar, be it altering the pronouns used or changing the pluralization of a word.

9. Trigger Warnings: Use warnings as needed. Fics dealing with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, or other mental health issues should be tagged appropriately to ensure that readers that may be triggered by the subject matter can avoid the fic. Trigger warnings are non-negotiable

The prompts are under the cut!

Prompts:

Dialogue Prompts:

“I feel like if I let go, if I move on, I’ll only be proving them right.”

“I don’t know. Am I? Because from where I’m standing it’s pretty damn clear that’s how you see me.”

“You don’t believe that do you? Tell me you don’t. Please.”

“It’d probably be easier if you left”

“Please leave me alone”

“Everyone’s got broken pieces. Some have more, some have less. It doesn’t make you less of a person to have those broken pieces.” @nekoannie-chan

“If it’s okay with you, I’ll take that shake now.”

“What’s the point if I’m going to end up breaking that promise too?”

“You sure about that, moonman?”

“It made you smile though. And that will always be a win in my book.”

“That’s not true. And I will tell you that every day of your life until you believe me.”

Sentence Prompts:

Feel free to adjust the pronouns as needed

It was a day. It was the only way it could be described.

Summer had a smell that reminded her of innocence and a time long since past.

In that moment, the world stopped spinning on its axis as it all shattered down around her.

Some things, there would never be a way to understand. @justrunamok

Like shattered glass, in that moment the illusion was broken.

Forever was a lie, just like everything else.

If you had another condescending doctor tell you your problem wasn’t a problem you were going to scream.

They’d say it was easy, like riding a bike. Except, you never learned how to ride a bike in the first place.

Today was going to be good. It had to be.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that this was going south.

AU and Trope Prompts:

Soulmate @samsgoddess

College

Childhood Friends @tellmealovestory

Friends to Lovers

Enemies to Lovers

Musicians

Writer

Professional Athlete

Teacher

Coffee Shop

Fake Dating

Accidental Marriage

Royal

Librarian

Doctor

Song Prompts:

1. Nobody Ever Told You - Carrie Underwood

Lyric Snippet: “Wish you could see yourself the way I do. Nobody ever told you, nobody ever told you. Shine like a diamond, glitter like gold, and you need to know what nobody ever told you”

2. Missing You - All Time Low

Lyric Snippet: “And if you need a friend, I’ll help you stitch up your wounds. I heard that you’ve been, having some trouble finding your place in the world. I know how much that hurts. But if you need a friend, then please just say the word.”

3. Barefoot and Bruised - Jamestown Story

Lyric Snippet: “Maybe when your sky comes crashing down, I can be your angel on the ground. If you get tired and can’t go on, I will carry you along, when the rocks below your feet wear out your shoes, when you’re barefoot and bruised”

4. Hold On Till May- Pierce the Veil

Lyric Snippet: “If were you, I’d put that away. See you’re just wasted and thinking about the past again. Darling, you’ll be okay.”

5. If I Surrender - Citizen Soldier

Lyric Snippet: “If I surrender, surrender, to the monsters in me, will it set me free?”

6. Home - Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors, Beba Rexha

Lyric Snippet: “All these miles, feet, inches, they can’t add up to the distance that I have been through just to get to a place where even if there’s no closure I’m still safe. I still ache from trying to keep pace. Somebody give me a sign, I’m starting to lose faith”

7. Broken Arrows - Daughtry

Lyric Snippet: “The best of intentions I lay at your feet. And I need you to see past the worst part of me.”

8. Used - Serious Matters

Lyric Snippet: “The wounds are gone and the pain still lingers. But this time I won’t stand by, I don’t need you in my life”

9. According to You - Orianthi

Lyric Snippet: “According to you, I’m stupid, I’m useless, I can’t do anything right”

10. Let It Land - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “And everything we hate is something we just bought along the line”

11. Cold As You - Taylor Swift

Lyric Snippet: “You put up walls and paint them all a shade of grey. And I stood there loving you and wished them all away. And you come away with a great little story, of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you”

12. Tied Together with a Smile - Taylor Swift

Lyric Snippet: “Hold on, baby you’re losing it. The water’s high, you’re jumping into it, and letting go, and no one knows. That you cry but you don’t tell anyone that you might not be the golden one. And you’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.”

13. Human Interaction - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “I don’t know love. I don’t know hate. I am numb. Wish I could find the words to say. Asking please, as colors fade. I need to breathe. Before I turn the world to grey.”

14. Therapy - All Time Low

Lyric Snippet: “Give me therapy, I’m a walking travesty, but I’m smiling at everything. Therapy you were never a friend to me, and you can keep all your misery”

15. Scars - Alison Iraheta

Lyric Snippet: “Do you know how hard I’ve tried to become what you want me to be. Take me, this is all that I’ve got, this is all that I’m not, all that I’ll ever be. I got flaws, I got faults, keep searching for your perfect heart. It doesn’t matter who you are, we’ve all got our scars”

16. Hurts to Know - 1551

Lyric Snippet: “I can’t remember what I did to earn you by my side. I can’t surrender. I’ll fight as long as you’re in my life”

17. Spinning Bottles - Carrie Underwood

Lyric Snippet: “He’s in a hotel room, with the tv on. Getting lost in the static with the curtains drawn, knowing this could be the time that gets her gone for good, he’d quit if he could. But one down, two down, three down, four, can’t even recognize the man in the mirror anymore”

18. Praying - Kesha

Lyric Snippet: “Well you were wrong and now the best is yet to come. ‘Cause I can make it on my own. And I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known.”

19. Jersey On the Wall (I’m Just Asking) - Tenille Townes

Lyric Snippet: “If I ever get to heaven, you know I got a long list of questions. Like how do you make a snowflake, are you angry when the earth quakes? How does the sky change in a minutes, how do you keep this big rock spinning? Why can’t you stop a car from crashing? Forgive me, I’m just asking”

20. Five More Minutes - Scotty McCreery

Lyric Snippet: “Time rolls by, the clock don’t stop. I wish I had a few more drops of the good stuff, the good times. Oh, but they just keep on flying right on by like it ain’t nothing, wish I had me a, a pause button. Moments like those, Lord knows I’d hit it. Give myself five more minutes”

21. Dad’s Old Number - Cole Swindell

Lyric Snippet: “Sometimes I forget, these ten digits ain’t my lifeline anymore. Every now and then I dial them up when life gets tough or when the Braves score. Sorry about the one ring hang ups, early morning and late night wake ups. It was just me. In case you wondered, you’ve got dad’s old number.”

22. The Other Side - Lauren Alaina

Lyric Snippet: “There’s gonna be a lot of sadness on a lot of happy days, I’ll try to think of this moment, this place”

23. I Was Here - Beyonce

Lyric Snippet: “So they won’t forget I was here. I lived. I loved. I was here. I did, I’ve done, everything that I wanted and it was more than I thought it would be. I will leave my mark so everyone will know I was here.”

24. Gone Too Soon - Simple Plan

Lyric Snippet: “Like a shooting star, flying across the room. So fast, so far, you were gone too soon. You’re a part of me. And I’ll never be the same here without you. You were gone too soon.”

25. Amelia - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “And you will always be perfect, you’ll always be beautiful, our hearts, will never forget you. You didn’t belong here, and it’s become so clear why heaven called your name.”

26. Heaven Right Now - Thomas Rhett

Lyric Snippet: “When the whole crew gets together, memory lane goes on forever. We twist a top and pour a little Jack D out.”

#JBBNNMHAM21 #writing challenge #marvel fanfic

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butwhowouldstay · 5 years

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dear taylor,

i don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but i’ve never wanted to do something like this because i’ve been scared to, but i’m finally doing this. this is my open letter to taylor swift.

i’m 22 (23 in exactly a month from today) from toronto, canada. i’ve been a fan since i was 10 years old; yes i’ve been here for a while and i can never thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me throughout all these years. i remember when i first heard “our song” in elementary school and i said wow i really like this girl. i went home and just binged all your music that night late at night and i became hooked. i’ve been a fan ever since then.

i remember when my parents bought me tickets to see you in concert for the first time on the “fearless tour” i was like 12 and it was the best day of my life. i almost didn’t go because my grandmother had just passed away and i was so sad i couldn’t see my idol, but my grandmother and i were close, but everyone told me to go because it would make me happy and my grandmother happy because everyone knew how much i loved it and i was so happy that night. i actually also have ‘fearless’ and ‘breathe’ tattooed!

ME AT THE FEARLESS TOUR IN TORONTO IN 2010

ever since then my love for you had just gotten stronger and everyone thought it was a phase but they were clearly wrong. you’ve helped me feel happy when my grandmother passed away and ever since then you’ve made me the happiest person. i remember going out to the store to buy your albums. forcing my mom to drive me to go buy them. speak now is my favourite album and just always finds a way to make me smile with the biggest smile on my face and forget everything. listening to your music does that to me. i will always remember when my parents surprised me on christmas with tickets to see you on the speak now tour. i opened it and i just started BAWLING my eyes out. i was happy because i was seeing my idol live again! one of my best friends and i who i became friends with because of you, it was the first time making posters for one of your concerts and we were so excited and we had the time of our life with you (pun intended) and it was one of the most magical nights of my life

now, i was in high school when red came out. i remember i was so happy i had a PA day when the album came out which meant NO SCHOOL! so i woke up early waited outside of the record store to be the first person to buy the album. i was shaking with excitement and i was the first one. i showed up wearing all red, i wrote ‘red’ on my hand with red marker just to buy the album (i know i’m extra) and i just went home and played the album (like i did with the rest) to memorise the entire thing. i also remember being in class when you were releasing singles and i would play them in my english class and everyone was annoyed by me lol. tickets were going on sale, my dad calls me while i’m at school telling me he had bought me floor seats to see you on the red tour! i was on my way to class again BAWLING my eyes out with happiness. my friend and i were making shirts, buying everything red we can find putting another 13 on our hands because it’s basically tradition to do that now! i may have looked crazy, but i was truly in my happy place

the 1989 era but pretty hard for me because high school was hard. my best friends were leaving me. they hated me so much that they turned their back on me. they were bullying me so much i almost left that school and also almost ended my own life because their words got to me. they made fun of me for loving you (even though they never used to) but they would text me everyday sending me death threats, calling me all these names, spreading rumours about me. everything they did lead to make some bad and unhealthy decisions. they hated my body so much they told me i was fat and ugly? i decided i was going to change that, but i just stopped eating. i wasn’t eating for months and i became super sick and unhealthy. i was diagnosed with anorexia at 15 and this lasted for a while. i would hurt my skin on the outside because i was so hurt and damaged on the inside i didn’t know another way to release the pain. the only thing that was keeping me alive and i know a lot of people say this, but it’s true...it was you. i truly wouldn’t be here today typing this if it wasn’t for you. when i heard 1988 for the first time and i heard the song ‘clean’ i started crying because i can’t remember the last time i related to a song so much before in my life knowing you and so many others feel the same way. when i saw you on tour in toronto on the 1989 tour, i went to both toronto shows and my friend and i actually made ‘clean’ related posters because that song means to much to me and to this day it will always be my favourite song by you. i actually got the lyrics “i think i am finally clean” tattooed in your hand writing.

i’ve always been a huge advocate for mental health as it’s something i struggle with daily since i was a kid. at the age of 8 i was diagnosed with severe anxiety, severe depression and just recently bpd (borderline personally disorder) since i was a kid you have always been the one person in my life who had always been there for me without physically being there and it means the world to me. i remember when you were announcing reputation. i was getting so excited and happy because i’ve missed you so much and your music. with everything you’ve been through in the media that period of time i was thinking; taylor is always there for me so i have to be there for her. i will never turn back on you and i will ALWAYS be there for you. i met one of my best friends on twitter, her name is mackenzie (swiftlykenz). we haven’t even been friends for that long, but we ended up seeing the reputation tour together in toronto. we made outfits, posters and we met online because of you! i’ve made so many of my close friends because of you and seeing you in concert again since 2014 i was truly at my happy place again since i was going through so much i needed to see you again and i was so happy.

here we are now, 2019 getting ready for a brand new era. my mental health has been really bad recently. i haven’t been eating, leaving my house. i probably wouldn’t be here today typing this message because i was so depressed i was about to just end everything because i said what’s the point? but you’re my reason, you’re my happiness. when i saw that you had a countdown happening for something big! i immediately went downtown toronto to take pictures with the countdown on the big billboards. then when you announced ‘ME!’ and ‘you need to calm down i was so happy again because my favourite person is making music and i couldn’t wait! then you released ‘the archer’ and i can’t express how much i love and needed that song. i can relate to it so much and i didn’t think i could relate to one of your songs that much since ‘clean’ and i can never thank you enough for it. i hope our paths finally cross after all these years and i get to thank you in person for everything you’ve done for me quite literally my entire life.

now that the lover era is approaching i can’t wait to hear the rest of the album because i know it will be amazing. i love you so much and i hope this era i get to give you the biggest hug. you mean the world to me and i love you with my entire heart @taylorswift thank you for everything!!💗

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femmetay · 5 years

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What types of selfie nights are you referring to?

please please do not yell at me for this because i genuinely have every right to feel uncomfortable with this, and i know many others feel the same way and have to avoid tumblr altogether

with that being said… someone is wanting to start a new selfie night where they can celebrate being clean from self harm, which is a beautiful thing, and i would never ask to take away from someone’s need to celebrate themselves, what they’ve struggled through, what they’ve accomplished, and who they’ve become in the process. i would be devastated if i couldn’t participate in lgbt selfie night- it’s so much fun and it feels like a mini pride event every month (i’ve never been to pride which is part of why lgbt selfie night means so much to me). so i understand wanting to have a selfie night like this and i understand why no one might think it’s an issue but… it is.

the idea of a selfie night is to inundate your dashboard with hundreds of beautiful inspiring selfies and you’ll see so many different posts, and lots of them will appear on your dashboard multiple times. the selfie night that i have to run away from is disabled selfie night, and i feel awful for saying it but it’s true. i can’t be online. if i forget it’s disabled selfie night and i come online, it only takes a few posts before i’m panicking. and i mean PANICKING.

i’m 100% eligible to participate in disabled selfie night. anyone who has a physical or mental disability is, but i have no interest in putting my mental health on blast accompanied with photos of my face, i really just don’t. it feels to me like a psychiatric hospital yearbook photo or something (if that existed), i dont know, it fucking terrifies me seeing everyone posting about their eating disorders, their mental illnesses, their anxiety, their depression, their suicide attempts, their self harm (whether or not they are clean from it), and just about everything that goes under the mental illness umbrella, and NONE OF IT IS TAGGED WITH TRIGGER WARNINGS.

just writing about this is making me anxious like i feel like im going to cry. i sincerely resent the fact that coming on to tumblr at the wrong time can trigger my PTSD and have me feeling like i’m sitting in group inpatient therapy. i hate that it makes me this uncomfortable because some people really NEED that night but i’m a busy person with a busy life and i can’t *always* remember not to log in to tumblr on the night of the 5th every month, so sometimes i do come on when there’s a disabled selfie night and i’ve tried to deal with it, i’ve tried going on and at least liking people’s posts to support them but i just cannot do it. like the idea of it has my insides feeling like they’re completely frozen right now and my chest is really tight and like, i do not think i can be the only person who is this affected by these selfie nights. and i’ve been too afraid to say anything because it was easier to just ignore it, but after seeing the clean selfie night being started, i’m freaking out because before i know it there could be an anxiety selfie night, a depression selfie night, a suicide attempt selfie night, an eating disorder selfie night, idk!! it could go anywhere!! this is my anxiety talking as u can see!!! i’m spiraling!!!

i’m not saying disabled selfie night needs to stop. it absolutely does not have to and should not have to. but i do think there should be better guidelines that people should follow in order to protect everyone else in this fandom. i’ve seen eating disorder posts with pre- and post recovery photos with no trigger warning in sight. it’s just not…. okay… it’s not okay to flood everyone’s dashboard with things that will potentially trigger the fuck out of them and put them at risk, and this includes casual taylor fans who might follow our blogs but aren’t even a part of the fandom and have no idea when a selfie night is coming. as for the clean selfie night, i just don’t think it’s a good idea in general. i don’t. idk what else to say about it because the more i think about that one the more i feel like crying and running for the hills

#tw: self harm #tw: suicide #tw: eating disorders #tw: mental illness #long post #sorry that was the longest explanation #clearly i am v anxious about it #anonymous

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engagedtobefree · 4 years

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I was watching the clip from Miss Americana on YouTube where Taylor opens up about her eating disorder and I saw many troubling comments of people saying how most people today have eating disorders or someone saying how they have weird eating habits and didn't know it was an eating disorder. I've seen stuff like this before, including other things like how someone said they had an eating disorder but just decided to get over it or how someone dropped a ton of weight from bad habits, and I really feel the need to comment on it now seeing as Taylor is a big star and I know people are going to be reading comments like that all over the place.

Disordered eating is not the same as having an eating disorder, and saying things like "most people have eating disoders" takes away from the seriousness of actual eating disorders. You can skip meals, starve yourself, make yourself sick, have bad body image, and still not have an eating disorder. Can it turn into one? Absolutely, and you should seek professional help to guide you in a healthier direction and work on your issues regardless of whether or not your disordered habits could potentially get worse. But eating disorders are a mental illness, first and foremost. They are not a physical illness, they are a mental illness. Simply acting on the behaviors does not mean you have an eating disorder. As with any other mental illness, eating disorders affect all areas of your life and not only take control of you mentally, but physically and emotionally as well. But that physical part is secondary. It is not the deciding factor on determining whether or not you having an eating disorder.

So why are these things harmful to say? Eating disorders kill people. Eating disorders cause serious damage to people's bodies. By saying most people have one, those with actual eating disorders are going to internalize this as they are normal and don't have a problem. People with eating disorders already tell themselves this, and you are just reinforcing it to them. By saying that most people have one, you are normalizing something that is not normal and you are taking away from the suffering that people with eating disorders go through. Ever heard of "you are depressed, you do not have depression. You are anxious, you do not have anxiety" etc? Think of an eating disorder in those same terms. "You have disordered eating, you do not have an eating disorder." Those first things can be easily overcome through effort and healthy lifestyle changes; the latter, the mental illnesses, take a lot of treatment and dedication and are a real struggle to get over.

By saying anything like what I referenced above, you are diminishing the pain and suffering of those who are actually struggling, and are also taking away from the amount of strength and hard work people put into recovering.

So please, PLEASE stop mixing up the two. And if you do see someone spreading misinformation, gently educate them and explain why this all matters. Thank you.

#its 4:30am and i cant sleep so guess im gonna randomly drop a psa #which is also weird timing cuz earlier today i was thinking about this tumblr blog i came across a few years ago #where people were messaging this girl asking if they have an eating disorder and she was telling them she cant diagnose them #but then also saying they dont have an eating disorder unless a doctor tells them they have one #and i was so annoyed that she was doing this #like i guess a tree that falls in the woods when no on is around also doesnt make a sound???#i hope shes not still on here giving harmful advice like that #anyway im ranting in the tags as usual #ed #eating disorders #eating disorder #tw: eating disoder #tw: ed #tw: eating disorders #miss americana #taylor swift #mental health #personal

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peach1337xo · 4 years

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911.

I’ll admit I was really worried about Lady Gaga’s song 911. “Pop a 911, and pop another one”

It’s anti-psychotic medication, not Pringles. Once you pop, you’re definitely supposed to stop. Let it do it’s thing.

My main concern was that her 911 might be a common but commonly-abused anxiety med like a Valium or a Xanax, which are so trendy right now in the world of pop. Pop one, pop another one, and another and another...and find yourself just recreationally popping a Xanny at the mildest inconvenience instead of tackling the actual root of the problem.

But then I learned that Gaga’s 911 was an old friend-slash-adversary I’ve had in my own life; olanzapine, aka Zyprexa. I spent about two years on olanzapine and I’m really not sure why.

It started around about January 2007 when I lost my job, got very into smoking pot, and reading Perez Hilton. This was the exact same time as Britney was going through her very-publicised stuff. Our meltdowns were mirrored.

But anyway, I was depressed and not coping with the real world very well at all (something I’d learn much later was probably my undiagnosed autism) while also on the end of a couple of years’ caning at the clubs and taking E (and other stuff) most weekends (I didn’t understand the concept of giving it a rest). I started my first anti-depressant shortly beforehand and had a rotten time of it, and also started with a psychologist (also, a rotten time. Too much “you’re an awful child for taking drugs” and not enough “let’s look at why you feel the need to peace out on reality every weekend”.)

Eventually I end up living back at Mum and Dad’s, constantly chastised for anything and everything to do with the clubs and forcibly removed from my entire social support network. (This one hurt a lot, especially as someone with such tremendous difficulty building and maintaining friendships.) And somehow, I didn’t manage to be getting any healthier! I actually seemed to be getting worse! I would buy six tins of energy drink (who remembers Samedi?) and have little, legal benders alone. (I’d drink a lot in private too. A LOT.)

And then, the worst bit, I would eventually scrub myself “clean” of club life and banish dance music, fluoro clothing, and everything remotely ravey to the depths of my soul and re-emerge a Chuck Taylor wearing indie rock queen backed by a soundtrack of whiney guitar rock and Triple J. (The one highlight of this era was the band Klaxons, who managed to blend the two and provide an “acceptable” guitar based lifeline to the rave.)

I’m getting off track here. What I really want to say here, is in this bleak period of total self loss I engaged the services of a dreadful GP with no business treating the mental health of a young woman in the mid 2000s. He had absolutely no clue what I was experiencing, and one time (probably in 2007, 13 years ago) I said “hey maybe I’m autistic or on the spectrum or something, and that’s why I can’t operate in a typical way in the real world” and I was laughed at and told not to bring it up again. And then for about two years he flitted between garden variety “anxiety and depression”, Bipolar 1, Bipolar 2 and eventually ended up with the grand daddy of bad diagnoses; Borderline Personality Disorder. And given Zyprexa to take daily.

I did end up in the hospital a lot, but that was out of total pure desperation. I was numb and lifeless, but fed up. I’d scratch myself up with a razor superficially just to get dramatic enough for an admission, but not enough for it to actually hurt. (My real self-harm, I recognise now, was my drinking and the head-hitting.) No one’s listening, and nothing is improving...and the only way to get anyone to spend more than five minutes with my case was an admission.

I felt like in this era, leading all the way up to 2013 when I had the mother of all breakdowns/breakthroughs I was rewarded for being a good little girl and basically being the antithesis of myself. Mum once said “I feel like I have my girl back again” and I was very, very not myself. I was a fantasy pastiche of every behaviour that I’d know I’d get brownie points for, and yet I’d look in the mirror and see someone totally unrecogniseable. My only safe place to think and behave as myself was late at night in front of a computer connected to weirdos around the globe while the real world outside was shrouded in peaceful darkness. Inside my headphones I was able to sneak back into my electronic power-world of dance music. Eventually I totally lost the plot, feeling totally shackled by trying to be this *thing* I’d invented to make everyone around me happy.

I started waking up from this fake iteration of myself in about late 2014 when I started dating this very pretty guitar rock waif type, who I realised after about thirty seconds I absolutely hated. He was all whiskey and Nashville, sadness as art and drowning in an unpayable bar tab. Absolute wanker. I’d come home from visiting and just want to listen to the hardest, most abrasive electronic music I could muster. Sawtooth and square waves for me please! Nothing natural. I made a folder of music called ELECTROFUCK which I’d retreat into. A classic move of mine has always been to do the opposite of the thing I’m supposed to be doing, and then do it at absolute full tilt. It took me a while to find myself not disgusted by finding a middle point and just go in a vague opposite direction. HARDCORE ‘TIL I DIE, she said in 2005. She really meant it. Well anyway, ELECTROFUCK was the turning point where I started to say to myself that electronic music is not the devil, raves were not a waste of time and were SO much more than just mindless hedonistic drug benders (and even if they were, fuck it?), and that I owed it to myself to enjoy whatever I find enjoyable and not just do what is palatable to everyone else. I had drunk the Kool-Aid and in the process lost myself completely, and was now starting to find myself again. (Thanks, skinny man from the Valley. Your mediocre “anyway, here’s Wonderwall”-ness reawakened me. Go eat a sandwich.)

It’s now 2020 and I am rebuilding myself after the total and utter molecular disintegration of my being, kicked off by two years of Dr, K’s daily 911 calls.

I’ll say something about my own experience with Zyprexa and what I’d do differently with what I know now.

THIS LINE IS FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY.

...and the truth is, there were probably no emergencies. I was never manic or in proper danger. I was an undiagnosed autistic person struggling with total lack of social support, an unsupportive family environment (a plate and a roof does not a supportive family make), and absolutely no assistance from anyone anywhere in making my way out. I was desperate, not dangerous. This is why I drank myself stupid for such a long time. The overarching message was “no one cares”. (It still is, but I’m angry enough now to let that fire me up.) Ummm, tl;dr? Don’t let yourself be overmedicated and moulded into something you’re not, but be grateful there’s always three numbers you can dial when things are really, truly, overwhelmingly out of control.

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wsmith215 · 4 years

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On Behind The Racquet, Noah Rubin brings tennis players’ mental, emotional struggles into focus

“This sport has a way of making you feel irrelevant while at the same time giving you this sense of entitlement … Chances are if you were once ‘talk of the town,’ that will quickly diminish over time.” — Noah Rubin, Behind The Racquet

AS THE CLOCK crept toward midnight and the winds blew off the Mediterranean and into the Puente Romano Tennis Club, Noah Rubin hunted for an escape. It was March 2018. Rubin had just lost his fifth straight professional tennis match, a disappointing two-and-a-half-hour roller-coaster ride that was a microcosm of his career.

The grounds of the chic club, founded by Bjorn Borg on the Spanish Riviera in 1979, had long ago emptied. Groundskeepers had switched off all the lights except for the ones for the court where Rubin had just lost. Security closed and locked up the café. Rubin, more than 3,500 miles from his New York home, gathered his belongings and headed into the darkness. Four courts away, he found a set of empty cement stairs. He sat down. And began to cry.

Fifteen months earlier, there had been another walk, onto the famous blue court of Melbourne’s Rod Laver Arena for a second-round Australian Open match against Roger Federer. Rubin threw everything he had at Federer that sweltering January afternoon. After breaking Federer’s serve in the third set, he instinctively pumped his fist and screamed “Come on!” The outburst irked the tennis great, and Federer stared through Rubin during the subsequent break.

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“I was like, ‘I pissed off Roger Federer,'” Rubin said. “How amazing is that?”

Rubin lost in three sets that day but won the belief he belonged. A little more than a year later, after this first-round qualifying loss on the ATP Challenger Tour, tennis’ version of the minor leagues, the swagger was gone, replaced by anger, embarrassment and a plummeting sense of self-worth.

“I just didn’t feel I was worth anyone’s time,” Rubin said.

The story is a common one in tennis. Young star tastes the big time but struggles to escape the clutches of the game’s proving grounds. It’s a grueling climb, one athletes rarely discuss publicly until it’s over. Their competitive shield is too thick, the fear of vulnerability too strong. Rubin believed he had the talent — and work ethic — to be a top-50 player and build a comfortable life playing the game he loved. But he couldn’t crack the top 150 and was barely breaking even.

“I could just sort of feel my soul slipping away,” he said of that night in Spain. “I just sat there thinking, ‘What am I doing that I’m so upset and so miserable on the tennis court?’ It was my lowest point. It was also a beginning.”

“People forget we aren’t robots. People see this fantasy world and guess that everything is kind of perfect. There are true struggles that each and every player deal with that are far more important than winning or losing.” — James Blake, Behind The Racquet

NINE MONTHS AFTER the disappointment in Spain, Rubin sat in his childhood bedroom in Long Island, jet-lagged from his most recent trip to the Australian Open. It had been another up-and-down stretch for Rubin. He temporarily numbed the pain of six straight losses with an August 2018 upset of fellow American and then-No. 9 John Isner. But he then began 2019 with a second-round qualifying loss in Melbourne.

“He was down on himself and struggling, big-time,” said Tallen Todorovich, Rubin’s agent. “He was this blue-chip recruit who thought he would show up and have immediate success.”

Noah Rubin defeated Frances Tiafoe and Taylor Fritz, among others, on his way to the 2014 boys title at Wimbledon. Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

As the clock pushed past 3 a.m., Rubin scrolled through Instagram while watching “Inst@famous,” a Netflix documentary about social media influencers. He thought about “Humans of New York,” the social media project turned New York Times bestselling book profiling random New Yorkers blurred in the shuffle of the largest city in America. He wondered about applying a similar concept to tennis players lost in the pursuit of their on-court dreams.

The idea was simple, combining his passion for tennis, photography and journalism. Athletes would pose for a picture hiding their faces behind the strings of their racket. Then, in their own words, they would reveal the human struggles behind chasing greatness. Within an hour he had a name, “Behind The Racquet.” He quickly registered Instagram and Gmail accounts and purchased the URL https://bit.ly/2LKyq8l for $750.

On Jan. 19, 2019, Rubin posted the first picture for the project. It was a shot of himself, his face slightly blurred by the lime green strings of his racket. Below the photo, he revealed his greatest fear: letting down the people closest to him. It was an emotion he felt from an early age in a tennis-loving family. Rubin’s grandfather, a self-taught tennis star, passed the game on to Noah’s father, who put a racket in Noah’s crib when he was 1.

Noah’s dad was his coach early on, and Noah saw him lose work after his boss would give him an ultimatum about choosing the boy’s tennis tournaments over his work commitments. He saw his mom, who worked in education, sacrifice her summers to work at a local sports facility so Noah and his sister could receive free lessons. Then he saw his parents’ marriage fall apart. They divorced when he was 12.

“I always felt this yearning to pay my parents back,” said Rubin, now 24. “I would ask myself, ‘Am I doing enough for all their time and effort? Is all this worth it for them?’ Tennis is one of the most financially grueling sports. We were not wealthy. We were fine. But they used basically hundreds of thousands of dollars to pay for this. That’s tough.”

To the outside world, it all seemed worth it. By the age of 7, Rubin was beating kids five years older. By 12 he was competing internationally as one of the top-ranked players his age. Then at 18, with his dad watching from the stands, Rubin won the Wimbledon boys’ championship. Lawrence Kleger, the director of the John McEnroe Tennis Academy, tagged Rubin the best player to come out of New York since McEnroe himself.

It all led to a young man growing up fast. A young man sitting in his childhood bedroom on that January night in 2019 still trying to process it all. His place. His purpose. An understanding of what happiness and contentment actually looked like. Why was the game he loved making him so miserable? He’d begin to find answers through sharing the struggles of others.

“Throughout my life, I was always the youngest to do things, which added hype that I didn’t want. … I was just lost. I was confused and overthinking if this was what I wanted or what others did. It took many moments sitting, thinking and crying.” — Coco Gauff, Behind The Racquet

IN THE 16 months since launching Behind The Racquet, Rubin has shared more than 135 stories while building a following of more than 40,000 people on social media. The posts have shown the human side of sport, shining a spotlight on everything from eating disorders and speech impediments to the death of a parent and battles with depression and anxiety.

“These are humans. They have pitfalls,” says retired American tennis star James Blake, who has contributed to the site. “It’s great for young players to get that perspective. In the past, it was all kept secret. But this will help so many realize they’re not alone. It’s OK. And it’s a positive to get help.” Blake believes the pressure in tennis and other individual sports is unlike any other.

“That’s why some of the best talent isn’t always the best performer,” he said. “Every tennis player can tell you about a guy who beat them in practice but couldn’t put together the results when it came time to perform.”

Rubin does the interviews for most of the posts, then paraphrases those conversations into the subject’s voice. In one of his early interviews with his friend Darian King from Barbados, Rubin discovered that King had lost his mom in 2010 to pancreatic cancer, which he did not previously know.

“I stopped the interview,” Rubin said. “I just felt so sorry. I felt like an awful friend. But it wasn’t on him or me. It was on everybody. There just isn’t a platform to feel comfortable talking about things like that.”

Noah Rubin has featured Coco Gauff, Madison Keys, Petra Kvitova and other stars on Behind The Racquet. Cameron Spencer/Getty Images

In early 2019, Rubin connected with Jolene Watanabe, who upset Jennifer Capriati in the 1997 Australian Open. Watanabe was fighting appendix cancer and wanted to spread a message of hope and resilience. Rubin planned to run the post a few weeks later. But then he received a message from Watanabe’s husband, Sylvain Elie. The couple had just returned from the Mayo Clinic, and the news was not good. Doctors told Watanabe she had two weeks to live. She was saying her final goodbyes. Elie asked Rubin whether he could put her on Behind The Racquet before she died.

“She was basically bedridden,” Elie said. “She wasn’t using her phone that much. I told her you might want to check Behind The Racquet. She was emotional about it. It meant a lot to her.”

Added Rubin: “Here’s this dumb idea I had jet-lagged, and it becomes one of someone’s final wishes. I can’t even compute and articulate what that means. If anything, it just shows I have to keep doing this.”

In April, L’Equipe, the daily French sports newspaper, included Rubin as one of six active players in its list of the 20 most influential people in tennis. The other five: Federer, Novak Djokovic, Andy Murray, Rafael Nadal and Serena Williams. The paper referred to Rubin as a “lanceur d’alerte,” a whistleblower.

There’s now a Behind The Racquet podcast, merchandise and long-term talks of a docuseries and a tabletop book. Rubin hopes to share the stories of athletes in other sports while also connecting with Talkspace, an online therapy platform, and developing mental health camps through the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

“It’s grown into something far bigger than I could have imagined,” Rubin said.

“It always affects me when people judge without any thought. It is one thing to argue but to think your opinion is the best never makes sense.” — Daniil Medvedev, Behind The Racquet

IF THERE’S ONE thing all professional athletes know, it’s that everyone has an opinion. For Rubin, it started with the passive-aggressive comments of neighborhood parents when he would miss a birthday or bar mitzvah for a tennis tournament. As a professional, it’s become the gamblers, who Rubin says reach out on social media with everything from “Your mom should die in hell” to “Hitler should have killed your people.” “The most racist, homophobic, sexist, anti-Semitic comments you can imagine,” he says. “It’s incredible.” Now the topic is Behind The Racquet. There are those who insist Rubin is complaining because he is not good at tennis, others who suggest Behind The Racquet is a distraction getting in the way of his tennis potential, and still others who insist just the opposite, that tennis is getting in the way of Behind The Racquet and his mental health work.

“Everything changes depending how I played that day,” he said. “I’m always like, ‘Just pick one, people.'”

Ignoring some fans’ wishes, Rubin intends to continue pursuing both his tennis passion and his work in mental health awareness. Barrington Coombs/Getty Images

For now, Rubin’s plan is to pursue both lanes. It’s become normal for Rubin to compete at a tournament and have a competitor tell him that he appreciates the site or that he’s thought about how he would share his own story.

“On the most basic of levels, it’s gotten people to think about these things, maybe even speak to others about them,” he said.

Rubin has spent the coronavirus pandemic back in New York with his girlfriend, practicing on the streets while using his free time to focus even more on Behind The Racquet. He says he has more than 30 interviews in his queue.

On a personal level, he has finally found a balance of happiness and contentment. His game is as strong as it’s been, he insists. And even when he does inevitably struggle, he has learned how to handle it better.

“It’s become an extreme form of therapy,” he said. “You have these deep conversations and begin to understand there is more to life than tennis. There’s more to tennis than tennis. And you can’t give up your happiness to get to the top.”

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morethanjustmediocremusings · 5 years

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“I Would Rather Die Than Disappoint My Parents”

Taylor Abouzeid

Today I would like to stand on my newfound soapbox of knowledge and discuss a topic at the forefront of the minds of many students like myself: stress. More specifically the detrimental repercussions of unnecessary parental stressors, a consequence of outdated ideals of success.

In a world focused around monetary definitions of success, the stress forced on kids to perform at superhuman levels is at an all-time high. These expectations are heightened in students hailing from parents traditionally viewed as successful. Higher rates of drug use, feelings of hopelessness, and the creation of a “numb” generation are all outcomes of parental pressure on antiquated ideas of success.

If the description above sounds similar to you or your child’s situation, the research-backed information provided below may drastically change how you view this phenomenon, or reconfirm that this generation is under unprecedented spirit-breaking stress. I am aware that it is not the intention of parents to put this potentially fatal stress on their children, but sadly it is a consequence of parenting. As parents you are often quick to place blame away from yourselves, this is understandable as it is hard to admit that your own - potentially subconscious - beliefs are slowly killing your child.

Now that I have your attention, I would like to make one thing clear: Yes, these are my own thoughts and beliefs, but hyperlinked are the copious amounts of SCENTIFIC SUDIES that confirm the hard reality behind parental stressors. If I have still yet to deter those of you who admit a potential flaw in normative parenting styles… I encourage you to keep reading.

The Stress/Grade Correlation:

I know it can be hard to hear, but as a parent it is not your job to manage your child’s studies. In a study of 148 teachers, 81% reported that teachers, rather than parents, should be the ones motivating students. Further, a majority of the studied teachers encouraged NO PRESSURE from parents regarding scholastic achievement. Students spend roughly eight hours in school per day, during this time they are surrounded by reminders of due dates, in class checkpoints, study guides, and soul-crushing red pen criticism. So, when your child comes home from school the last thing that they need is a callback to the chaotic and stressful nature of scholastic schedules where teachers squeeze months’ worth of learning into a 50-minute class period. If I have still not convinced you that your input on their classwork is not necessary, there is another study that showed a critical tie between a high pressure to achieve and a lower GPA. Criticism and success are inversely related within students. This is not my opinion, this is a fact.

You Don’t Understand:

Recent research has shown that students are faced with higher levels of stress now more than ever. Factually speaking, you do not know what your students are going through, as you have not experienced the degree to which students are being evaluated and subsequently judged on their scholastic worth. To go further, students are even reporting higher stress levels, than working adults. Students are often involved in many things outside of the classroom; sports, band, clubs, foreign language studies, and especially homework have created a detrimental complex of overwhelming magnitude. Your child is likely trying to balance too much, but have you ever thought about why? Is it really their choice to participate in numerous extracurriculars resulting in reported feelings of “drowning” and “suffocation”? I encourage you to take a step back to ensure they are doing these activities for their own enjoyment, and not for your approval. This critical perspective leads me to my next point.

Disappointment:

“I would rather die than disappoint my parents.” When I came across this quote, I held my breath, never in my life had I seen so many years of feeling so clearly expressed in 8 words at the top of my browser. These feelings of a fear to disappoint are extremely common in children coming from high socioeconomic standing (SES) families. A subculture of overstressed and workaholic children is forming before society’s eyes. Often unbeknownst to parents, children hide their emotions, commonly known as masking. This deception of parents is especially high among high SES kids, as a distanciation of parents is not uncommon in the culture. As students who have grown up in a society where emotion is viewed as “unprofessional,” at a young age kids begin to keep their feelings quiet. This silence leads to a creation and separation of two identities, one for the outside world and one for the self, this often manifests in feelings of dissociation. Studies have also shown a correlation between parental emphasis on achievement (rather than character attributes like happiness or kindness) and a significant increase in depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, behavioral problems, eating disorders, and cognitive learning problems.

Consequences:

We know parental expectations cause anxiety (especially in families with pronounced wealth), and overarchingly, studies show that this heightened anxiety is correlated with low personal success expectancy (self-esteem beyond schooling). When students are scared to fail and disappoint parents, they stop taking risks, retract from activities that could potentially place them below the #1 spot (the only “acceptable” position in high society). A perfectionist outbreak has contaminated today’s youth. When parents define success along a monetary scale, children follow suit; similarly, when a parent defines a child’s success by their scholastic achievement, the student does as well. Your child inevitably receives a less-than-perfect grade their self-identity and confidence plummets to seriously concerning levels. This epidemic has forced late nights of studying and impractical amounts of course work on your kids. The pressure and consequential overdrive that students are now running at, leaves kids exhausted, feeling tired, inadequate and alone. The consequences of parental stressors go beyond the psyche.

In a comparison among low and high SES families, those students from rich families were more likely to abuse drugs for the purpose of “escaping stressors.” Teens often seek relief from parental stress (and the added weight of masking) through self-destructive behaviors. Further, children of “successful” families report clinically significant levels of depression, anxiety, and delinquent behaviors that are two to three times the national average. Personally, the most impactful statistic was that of suicide rates.

One in five students have contemplated suicide because of a pressure for exceptional (and frankly unrealistic) grades. In Palo Alto, a traditionally rich zip code, students are committing cluster suicides at unprecedented rates. Research has found that there is an obvious link between suicidal ideation and parental pressure to succeed. As previously mentioned, success is defined separately across cultures. In high SES families, money is often the reigning determinant.

I wanted to be surprised by these findings, but sadly these are not new ideas to my peers and me. Students are dealing with the emotions and consequences to stress every day. But you can help.

Your Turn:

We are all guilty in propagating the normative definitions of success, but admitting your own faults can be helpful. Don’t try and place blame on your child’s feelings elsewhere than they describe, believe them. Communicating about stress is the first, and maybe the hardest step. If your child is confident enough to speak on the pressure or stress that they are feeling, the last thing you should do is anything to make them retreat back behind their self-damaging mask to bring up at a later time, only when it becomes unavoidable. Listen to your child, don’t interrupt, don’t say you understand (because you don’t), just be there and let them explain their emotions. I am not trying to deter you from coaxing these conversations, but rather explaining how the power structure of parent-child relationships can lead to a disrespect and disproportionate valuing of conversation.

We need to change the language surrounding stress, many kids have trigger words, in my peer circle the word “proud” makes us itch. “Proud” asserts a claim over our (the students) achievements, that you (the parents) did not earn. For others it might be progress, due, completed, better, ready, or truly any other word.

These conversations are hard, but it is only through a more open communicative space that you can begin to sympathize with the pain associated with stress and begin to adapt your parental role accordingly. In some cases, therapists are beneficial, try bringing up the idea to your child in a way that promotes family unity. Do not call the therapist a “shrink” or a “crazy doctor” because that implies something is wrong with your child. Bottom line, be aware of what you are saying and how it affects your child’s perceptions of the world.

Communication is the forefront of confronting these devastating issues. Whole family conversations can be helpful in creating a common knowledge of a child’s stressors. One-on-one conversations can be equally helpful, it really is dependent on the child. Overall, let them decide how to approach the topic, let them decide how to further mitigate conversation, and lastly, let your child choose their life. As a parent it is your job to love and support your child, not enforce your own predisposed ideas of success onto their own lives. Relax. Take a deep breath, and let the conversation happen.

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jbbarnesnnoble · 4 years

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Hello lovely people! And welcome to my first writting challenge. The aim of this challenge is to shine a light on mental health, medical conditions, and the things that can have impacts on us. This started out initially being a PCOS Awareness challenge but through conversations on the TCC discord, it’s become a challenge surrounding mental health in general.

This challenge will run through September 15th, 2020. It will run through part of Mental Health Awareness Month, through Pride Month, and through part of PCOS Awareness Month. I probably have too many prompts, but I wanted to ensure that there was a wide array to choose from.

The Rules:

2. Use #JBBNNMHAMChallenge to tag your fic

3. Dark!Fic- I was up in the air on allowing dark!fic in the challenge. Due to the subject matter involved in this challenge, please don’t submit dark!fic. I enjoy dark fics, but this challenge isn’t the place for them.

4. Smut- Smut is welcome! Make sure you tag it appropriately.

5. No inc*st, dubcon/noncon, underage, etc

6. Ships- I prefer reader inserts, but show me what ya got

7. Selecting Prompts: Just let me know which one you want to do! 2 people per prompt! The song prompts have a line from them under it. You DO NOT need to use the line in your submission! It’s mostly to help you decide if you’re interested in a song before you take a listen to it. The song prompts are broken down into ‘support’, ‘general’, and ‘grief’ but feel free to use them as you see fit. I categorized them mostly for organization

8. Trigger Warnings: Use warnings as needed. Fics dealing with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, or other mental health issues should be tagged appropriately to ensure that readers that may be triggered by the subject matter can avoid the fic. Trigger warnings are non-negotiable

The prompts are under the cut!

Prompts:

Dialogue Prompts:

“You never have to ask, you know that right? Say the word, and I’ll do it.” ( @whistlingwillows )

“Would you believe me if I said it’s because I love you? I’d give you the world if you asked.” ( @jbbuckybarnes )

“I promise you. One day, it will get easier. Those feelings might never fully go away, but it will get easier.” ( @imnotasuperhero )

“You ever feel like you can’t breathe? Like the whole world is collapsing in on itself and no one notices? No one cares? Like you can’t escape it?” ( @nekoannie-chan )

“It’d probably be easier if you left”

“Please leave me alone”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it. What part of that is hard for you to understand?” ( @sweetwritesx )

“I wish I could believe you when you said that.” ( @evansweaters )

“How do you even begin to move on?” ( @blackwidowballet )

“You sure about that, moonman?”

“I don’t know. All I do know is I don’t belong here” (@buckybarnesplumwhore)

“That’s not true. And I will tell you that every day of your life until you believe me.”

Sentence Prompts:

Feel free to adjust the pronouns as needed

It was a day. It was the only way it could be described.

The feeling stuck like super glue, unable to be shaken away with a few whispered words and comforting hugs. ( @buckybarney )

You never knew something could hurt like this, that emotional pain could resonate so strongly through every atom of your body. (@buckybarnesplumwhore)

That smile. He/she missed that smile. ( @bethycupcake )

It was progress. Baby steps forward. Maybe it wouldn’t all be okay today, but someday? It would be. ( @trillian-anders )

The list of medications that had been tried seemed like it was a mile long. ( @buckyreaderrecs)

If you had another condescending doctor tell you your problem wasn’t a problem you were going to scream.

The warmth of the sun fell over you like a blanket in the middle of winter. ( @avintagekiss24 )

Today was going to be good.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that this was going south.

AU and Trope Prompts:

Soulmate

College

Childhood Friends

Friends to Lovers

Enemies to Lovers

Musicians

Writer

Professional Athlete

Teacher

Coffee Shop

Fake Dating

Accidental Marriage

Royal

Librarian

Neighbors ( @shakespeareanqueer )

Song Prompts:

Support:

1. Nobody Ever Told You - Carrie Underwood

Lyric Snippet: “Wish you could see yourself the way I do. Nobody ever told you, nobody ever told you. Shine like a diamond, glitter like gold, and you need to know what nobody ever told you”

2. Missing You - All Time Low

3. Barefoot and Bruise - Jamestown Story Lyric Snippet: “Maybe when your sky comes crashing down, I can be your angel on the ground. If you get tired and can’t go on, I will carry you along, when the rocks below your feet wear out your shoes, when you’re barefoot and bruised”

4. Hold On Till May- Pierce the Veil Lyric Snippet: “If were you, I’d put that away. See you’re just wasted and thinking about the past again. Darling, you’ll be okay.”

5. This Song Saved My Life - Simple Plan Lyric Snippet: “You let me know like no one else that it’s okay to be myself” ( @captain-kelli )

General: 1. It Feels Like - 1551 Lyric Snippet: “No I’m not fine, every second is a record of why, I live my life never doing things right”

2. Sunrise - 1551 Lyric Snippet: “Nightmare that’s not gonna stop, it’s darkness you’re not gonna stop”

3. Home - Machine Gun Kelly, X Ambassadors, Beba Rexha Lyric Snippet: “All these miles, feet, inches, they can’t add up to the distance that I have been through just to get to a place where even if there’s no closure I’m still safe. I still ache from trying to keep pace. Somebody give me a sign, I’m starting to lose faith”

4. Broken Arrows - Daughtry Lyric Snippet: “The best of intentions I lay at your feet. And I need you to see past the worst part of me.”

5. Used - Serious Matters Lyric Snippet: “The wounds are gone and the pain still lingers. But this time I won’t stand by, I don’t need you in my life”

6. Unsteady - X Ambassadors Lyric Snippet: “Hold on to me, ‘cause I’m a little unsteady, a little unsteady” ( @jamesbarnesappreciationclub )

7. Let It Land - Tonight Alive Lyric Snippet: “And everything we hate is something we just bought along the line”

8. Cold As You - Taylor Swift Lyric Snippet: “You put up walls and paint them all a shade of grey. And I stood there loving you and wished them all away. And you come away with a great little story, of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you”

9. Tied Together with a Smile - Taylor Swift Lyric Snippet: “Hold on, baby you’re losing it. The water’s high, you’re jumping into it, and letting go, and no one knows. That you cry but you don’t tell anyone that you might not be the golden one. And you’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.”

10. Human Interaction - Tonight Alive Lyric Snippet: “I don’t know love. I don’t know hate. I am numb. Wish I could find the words to say. Asking please, as colors fade. I need to breathe. Before I turn the world to grey.”

Grief:

1. Jersey On the Wall (I’m Just Asking) - Tenille Townes

2. Five More Minutes - Scotty McCreery

3. Dad’s Old Number - Cole Swindell

4. The Other Side - Lauren Alaina

Lyric Snippet: “There’s gonna be a lot of sadness on a lot of happy days, I’ll try to think of this moment, this place”

5. I Was Here - Beyonce

6. Gone Too Soon - Simple Plan

7. Amelia - Tonight Alive

Lyric Snippet: “And you will always be perfect, you’ll always be beautiful, our hearts, will never forget you. You didn’t belong here, and it’s become so clear why heaven called your name.”

#JBBNNMHAMChallenge #writing challenge #marvel #mcu #marvel writing challenge #steve rogers #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #bucky barnes/reader #steve rogers/reader #wanda maximoff/reader #tony stark/reader #tony stark #sam wilson #natasha romanoff/reader #sam wilson/reader

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relapsequietlyx · 6 years

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Eating Disorder Q&A

1. Which eating disorder(s) do you have?

- it started as binge eating, then bulimia, now its officially diagnosed as EDNOS/OSFED with an atypical anorexic subtype.

2. When did you develop your eating disorder?

- It started when I was 8 years old but got serious my freshman year of high school.

3. Are you currently in recovery?

- no.

4. Do you want to recover?

-yes and no. I want to be free from this illness and be happy but I also just want to be thin. My ED also gives me a sense of self and safety and control that I feel like I won’t otherwise have.

5. How are you doing today?

- today has been awful. This entire week I did pretty well but it went all downhill today.

6. 5 safe foods?

- oatmeal, carrots, chicken, rice cakes, vegan popcorn.

7. 5 fear foods?

- cake, red meat, pasta, bread, cheese

8. Do you count calories?

- yes.

9. Max calorie limit?

- between 500-700 depending on the day.

10. Height?

- 5’4.

11. UGW?

- 95

12. Trying to loose weight?

- always.

13. Ever been called “fat”?

- pretty much my entire life.

14. Ever been called “too thin”?

- never.

15. Current GW?

- 165

16. Highest weight?

- 220

17. Lowest weight?

- 153

18. Do you wish you were back at your LW?

- I want to be lower but yes.

19. Does your family know about your ED?

- I think they have a good idea.

20. Do your friends know about your ED?

- I don’t really have friends.

21. Do you wish you didn’t have an ED?

- who would fucking want one? Of course I wish I didn’t have an ED.

22. “Free foods”?

- not really.

23. How often do you weigh yourself?

- depends on the cycles but typically everyday or every other day, sometimes more, sometimes less.

24. Thinspo or bonespo?

- thinspo

25. Biggest problem area on your body?

- stomach.

26. Favorite part of your body?

- don’t have one.

27. What kind of results do you want to see?

- right now, any. But definitely a big loss in the future.

28. Do you purge?

- not anymore.

29. Do you take laxatives?

- yes but because of IBS caused by my ED not directly because of my ED even though it’s a perk.

30. How often do you purge?

- I don’t anymore.

31. Do you binge?

- quite frequently.

32. How long have you fasted for?

- 3.5 days total.

33. Biggest thinspiration?

- Natalia Taylor.

34. Favorite ED movie/show/docu?

- I actually liked “To The Bone” despite controversy. I also liked the “Thin” docu.

35. Favorite thinspo picture?

- don’t really have one.

36. Can you post a photo of yourself/body?

- I could but no thanks.

37. How does your ED affect your life?

- if I answered this properly I’d be sitting here all night. If affects my life in every single aspect and not one of them is good.

38. BMI?

- not comfortable stating that for obvious reasons.

39. Do you follow a diet?

- not typically.

40. Least favorite part about your ED?

- E V E R Y T H I N G. this shouldn’t be a fucking question.

41. Has your ED ruined any relationships?

- basically every single one.

42. Guilty pleasure food?

- I like doughnuts but very rarely get them.

43. Meanspo or sweetspo?

- neither??????

44. Does anyone else in your life have an ED?

- my ex romantic interest.

45. Are you currently in therapy?

- just quit.

46. Any other mental illnesses?

- depression, anxiety, OCD, BPD

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ouraidengray4 · 6 years

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Why Is Everyone I Know Depressed?

I was cruising around on Facebook recently and noticed something different. Usually, I felt inundated by #blessed pics of friends in bikinis looking happier than Oprah eating bread. But not today. There were no pictures of the beach or not-so-humble brags about their latest promotions. The No. 1 status update of the day: depression.

It suddenly seemed like most my friends were suddenly crippled by depression and anxiety. And this wasn’t just Facebook friends, either. Real people in my real life started talking to me about their mental health issues. And honestly, it was happening to me too: I’d just started therapy and was only a few months away from a Zoloft prescription. What had happened? Why does it suddenly seem like so many millennials are dealing with depression?

I’m far from the first person to notice this trend. Jean Twenge, Ph.D., published Generation Me, a book all about the rise of depression and anxiety in millennials, in 2014. According to Twenge, only 1-2 percent of people born before 1915 experienced a major depression during their lives. Now that number’s up to 15-20 percent of the population. A survey comparing students from 1937 to 2007 found that modern students were seven times more likely to be depressed.

And of course, there are all the people who don’t admit to depression. Twenge conducted a survey that compared teenagers from 2010s to the 1980s. The 2010s teens were 38 percent more likely to have trouble remembering things, 78 percent more likely to have sleeping troubles, and twice as likely to have visited a professional about their mental health concerns. That might not sound like much, but trouble remembering, sleeping, and seeking professional help are all major signs of depression. But when the teens were asked, "Are you depressed?" the numbers from the '80s and 2010s were practically the same. Young people have been feeling common symptoms of depression without realizing or admitting that they have a problem.