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pies-writes-and-more · 4 years

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AVENGERS M A S T E R L I S T

**SERIES**

Falling Masterlist Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader // Collaboration with @wxstedhexrt // poetry focused fics! // TW: anxious thoughts, disassociation experiences and others so please read the warnings in each part! Based on poems written by the incredible Destiny of @wxstedhexrt! Bucky Barnes is falling in so many different kinds of ways - he’s falling in and out of his brain, in and out of reality, in and out of nightmares... and falling in love? Maybe this is the one he doesn’t want to fall out of.

Mr. Steve ( part 1 // part 2 ) Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // Soulmate AU In a universe where your soulmate’s name is written on your wrist after you meet them, receiving a wedding invitation from her friend is just another reminder that (Y/N) has yet to find her soulmate. But maybe this wedding will be a little bit more exciting, with the help of a tiny child without a filter.

can’t take my mind off of you, Mr. Steve Rogers ( part 1 // part 2 // part 3 ) - COMPLETED Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader Steve Rogers and (Y/N) used to date. Emphasis on the used to. But when an important date from their relationship comes up, it stirs up some emotions too. As if to add to the fire, (Y/N) bumps into an old friend who suggests that maybe Steve’s feelings towards (Y/N) aren’t quite gone. And even though it’s hard to admit, especially because she has a new boyfriend, maybe (Y/N)’s feelings aren’t gone either.

Must’ve Been the Wind ( part 1 // part 2 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5 ) - COMPLETED Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader // Song Inspo: Must’ve Been the Wind by Alec Benjamin // requested TW: mentions of abusive relationship that (Y/N) is involved in, not too graphic in my opinion but please be wary reading if it may trigger something for you. The girl in the apartment above Bucky’s seems to be in some sort of distress, though she insists that Bucky’s just hearing things. The two bond quickly and soon enough, Bucky wants to rescue her from a situation that she insists isn’t there. Is he just hearing the wind? Or is it a cry for help?

Unlovable ( part 1 // part 2 // part 3 ) - COMPLETED Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader There’s one other person besides Steve that makes Bucky feel comfortable in the era he’s not supposed to be in. She makes him feel safe, never pushes him to do anything, and that smile always makes his stomach flip. But a situation without clear communication leaves both Bucky and (Y/N) unsure of if the other feels the same about them.

**Domestic/Homely!Steve Collection ( Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader ) :

Home After months without hearing from his wife and daughter, Steve just wants to be home. He doesn’t care if he could be hurt from his fights, he just wants to see his little girl and the woman he loves. (The beginning of my Homely!Steve Collection!)

Grocery Shopping Steve wants to help out any way he can at home since he’s gone so often. But grocery shopping without a list can be a little stressful, especially with a little mischievous girl.

A Kid’s Imagination When (Y/N) goes to pick up Sarah from school, she’s met with an odd response from the teacher about an announcement Sarah made to her classmates. Rather than talk to Steve about it, she decides to have a little fun with it.

Santa Claus Steve’s back from a long mission and all he wants to do is be with his wife and little girl. Thankfully, they’re not too far from home… and Steve has the perfect Christmas plan to surprise them.

kidnapped.... or pretzels? Steve wakes up in the dead of night to find an empty bed beside him. His mind immediately goes to the worst case scenario as to what could’ve happened to the love of his life, (Y/N).

Dance Recitals If there's one thing that Steve Rogers loves, it's watching his little girl learn how to dance. So he goes out of his way to make sure he doesn't miss too many of her practices. Now, he has to find out how to not miss her first dance recital...

** Stay tuned for more! Send in a request if you think of some cute Dad!Steve Rogers prompts!!**

**ONE SHOTS**

Dinner and a Show Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // done for a writing challenge // prompt: “This is one of those moments when I tell you something isn’t a good idea and you ignore me, isn’t it?” The one where Steve impulsively insists on proving that Y/N’s date for the evening is trash instead of figuring out his feelings for her, meanwhile, Bucky learns that food is way overpriced lol

accidentally ruining relationships Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader Y/N spends the evening desperately looking for answers about her love life with her close friend, Bucky. Maybe the reason her relationships aren’t working out is because her heart belongs to another.

A French Kiss Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // Alternative Universe Fic // based on a tweet Y/N came to Paris with a plan: take a photo with a cute man next to the Eiffel Tower, just like how her and cheating ex-boyfriend had always planned on doing, and make that son of a bitch jealous. Thankfully, there’s a super cute blond guy who just so happens to be nearby.

Makeshift Thanksgiving Dinner+ Steve Rogers x Fem!EastAsian!Reader Steve Rogers is beyond nervous to finally be meeting his girlfriend's parents. Especially when it's a meeting for Thanksgiving dinner... though (Y/N) neglects to mention until they're almost there that her east asian family doesn't usually have a typical 'American' Thanksgiving dinner... (Super fluffy I promise :))

Take a Hint Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader (Y/N) literally just wants to go out and have a good time with her girls. So why do guys seem to never take ‘no’ for an answer? To try to prevent more annoying encounters with men who can’t take a hint, (Y/N) slips on two rings onto her left hand and assumes the married life. It’s all well and good... until someone sees the rings as a challenge. Enter from stage right, our hero.

boardroom fantasies NSFW, 18+ only, S M U T // Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // done for a prompt challenge // prompt: “You wanna have sex….here? Now?” Steve can’t help how tight his pants get when (Y/N) is working nearby. While everyone else goes out for drinks, he pulls her aside to show her that the Accounting Guy who keeps asking her out isn’t who she should be with.

Holiday Kiss Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader // Christmas fic Bucky is a little tired of Christmas traditions for the day but with (Y/N) around, there’s just one more tradition he’d like to give a try.

Anxiety Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // TW: lots of anxious thoughts based on my own so be careful if this is a trigger for you! Today’s the day Steve comes back from a mission and (Y/N) is beyond excited to see him. But when you have a little Anxiety monster whispering believable nonsense in your ear, it’s hard to get out of your head.

5 ways Steve Rogers says I Love You (and 1 way he doesn’t) Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // sad ending so if you don’t wanna be sad, don’t read the last bit lol Steve Rogers loves you and here’s just a collection of ways he shows it. But not everything has a happy ending.

Healthy Competition Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader // Sam Wilson x Fem!Reader // SURPRISE PAIRING // requested It’s not every day that the boys are all infatuated with the same human being. So when they realize they’re all falling head over heels for one girl, Steve insists some ground rules need to be laid out. Little do they know, there’s one person already that (Y/N) is swooning over.

home is a person Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader // Post inspo: “Someone asked me to describe home and I started talking about your hair colour and the sound of your voice and the taste of your lips and how your skin feels like. Until I realized they had expected to hear a place.” When asked what home was like in a conversation about their past lives, Bucky Barnes immediately thinks of something other than his 1940s home. He thinks of her.

The Waitress Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // done for a writing challenge // song prompt: “If things get worse, will you still be here?” 405 by This Wild Life Steve Rogers has finally worked up the guts to ask out the super cute waitress at the diner he frequents… except it’s hard to ask out of a girl when you’re a) already super nervous, b) unsure if it’s rude to ask her out, and c) when you have Dumb and Dumber insisting they tag along.

Fate’s Ribbon Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader // Soulmate AU Fate ties a ribbon to every baby that’s born. It’s black to everyone else but your soulmate, who sees it as bright red. Bucky Barnes doesn’t want a soulmate, especially after becoming a completely different person than he was in the 40s. But you can’t run away from what Fate has planned for you.

Happy Moments Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // prompt list // requested Prompts: a perfectly brewed cup of tea and dust floating in golden sunlight Steve Rogers has a few happy moments stored in his brain for when times got tough. He thinks about each of them and how they’re each a part of him. But in this moment, this place, he was happiest.

Probability Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader Steve Rogers is an insecure little bum sometimes. But he’s 75% sure that the girl of his dreams shares his affections… okay 70%…. maybe less….

Fate’s Sense of Humour Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // Soulmate AU Everyone is born with a soulmark, generally a signature or some sort of mark to define who this person was. And when you meet your soulmate, your mark gets darker and darker. Everyone is born with this. Except Steve Rogers. He had practically given up on finding someone to be with without a soulmark, until he wakes up from the ice to find a faded grey signature on his arm.

Jealous (Strong) Steve Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // requested Steve Rogers, the man behind the shield, knows that his strength only came from an injection. He isn’t a Norse god, how could he compete against Thor who seems to have all of (Y/N)’s affections? Steve Rogers is a jealous man. A strong jealous man who just keeps breaking things.

Studying Anatomy Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // requested Steve loves his girlfriend very much, so when she practically begs for him to help her study for her anatomy test, how can he say no?

Young But Sure Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // requested Sometimes people have different wants for their future. Sometimes their future includes a pet, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes people want to live in the country, and some just want to live in the middle of the city. Steve Rogers wants kids… and he assumed that his girlfriend did too.

Nosebleeds Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader A Stark Industries tradition was that every year, interns, agents, admins, and all the Avengers were asked to join in on a volleyball tournament. And every year (Y/N)’s team wins. She expected to have some fierce competition from the Captain’s team… she expected wrong.

Coming Home Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader No matter how long he was gone, (Y/N) always slept on the couch when Steve was away on missions so she could be the first thing he saw when he came back. Steve is happy to be home with the girl he loves.

Kiss (* Endgame Spoilers *) Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader He just looked so hot, the fire in his eyes, ready to fight. (Y/N) just can’t help herself, she just needs a kiss before they go off to their potential deaths.

Blue Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader Steve in blue is too much to handle whilst sober, (Y/N) decides. So while attending Tony Stark’s birthday party, (Y/N) doesn’t stop to drink her anxiety away making for entertaining company for Steve.

Pizza and the Medical Student Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader // College Roommates AU // requested (Y/N) just wants to study for her final. Steve wants to keep her happy. Bucky wants them to just admit their goddamn feelings for each other already.

**Super Cringy-ish Older Fics I Wrote that I Don’t Have Good Summaries For**

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valiantgardenyouth · 3 years

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Zhongli becomes an American High Schooler (Genshin impact fanfiction) Chapter 1: Liyue High School

Zhongli was in Teyvat minding his own business. Suddenly, he felt a surge at the tip of his fingers which soon went to his entire body. He felt a little like dust being sucked into a vacuum.

He landed in a THUD outside what seemed to be a school. Students were chatting, rushing to their classrooms, the atmostphere was very Hustle bustle.

Zhongli blinked a few times, stood with great dignity and peered at the sign.

Liyue High School: Where all contracts are written in stone.

A tall girl with violet blue hair and an immaculate uniform approached him and said “Hello! Nice to meet you, I am Ganyu, student secretary. You seem new. Are you in my class?”

Zhongli looked up at her, visibly confused. His fine dark eyebrows arched into a frown. “Ganyu? Did you also happen to teleport here from Teyvat? What fine class did you speak of?”

Now it was Ganyu’s turn for confusion. “Err, no. I’m just Ganyu. I didn’t transfer here from this Teyvat school you mentioned. Is that the school you came from?”

“Teyvat is not a school, its a world and I am its Geo Archon of Liyue, one of the 7 gods.” He was about to continue, but he saw Ganyu’s face of sheer skepticism. “Ehem, Pay no heed to what I spoke of earlier, mortal. I am indeed a new student of Liyue high school”

Ganyu smiled “Ah, so you are a new student. Well I believe you are in my class. As the secretary, I shall give you a grand tour of the school, and the boarding house. You will be in Childes Dormitory I suppose.”

The bell rang, its sonorous sound ringing loud in Zhongli’s ear.

“ I believe this bell is made of high-tin alloy of copper and tin with approximately a 4:1 ratio of copper to tin.” Zhongli bemused.

“That’s just the bell, I don’t know what its made of.. The bell means its our first class, come with me!”

Before Zhongli could talk about how the school should get a bronze bell instead, as it creates the best sound and resonance, Ganyu marched him along to the classroom. Zhongli was appalled as he saw teens running in the corridors, smooching, chewing gum and spitting it on the floor.

Ganyu opened a door and there stood a bright classroom. Warm canary and gold colors adorned the class, the wood was a faded Mahogany, there was a bookshelf with glowing titles. It reminded Zhongli a little of Liyue.

“Ninnguang?” Zhongli said, looking at a posh girl with light blonde hair, amber eyes, and a single chopstick adorned in her hair.

“Oh you have heard of Ninnguang? She is one of my dearest friends. See that badge she is wearing. She is the student body president. I am her secretary and Keqing is her Vice.”

Zhongli looked at her badge. It looked quite like the Mora logo. “Ah yes, I created that design. It is currency and The currency of Mora is undisputed by all.” He declared quite proudly.

“Ganyu eyed him once again. “Umm. yh sure lol... I’mma go talk to Keqing and ninnguang now. You should probably sit at the front of the class, seeing as you are new. Bye, Zhongli? was it?”

Zhongli felt Ganyu lacked a little respect towards him. “Morax, or Rex Lapis will do.” “Oh you go by many names? I will just call u Zhongli then.”

A squeaky lady of very short stature walked into the class. Someone had placed a stool for her, so she could reach the board. A blonde followed meekly behind her.

“That’s Principal Paimon and Vice Principal Traveler. The traveler is our teacher. She doesn’t talk much, mostly lets Paimon do the talking in assembly, but in class she is a facial expression queen. If she is mad at you, you can tell lol.” Ganyu exclaimed.

Zhongli just nodded, finding the new dimension to be quite amusing.

“ahem. ITS ME PRINCIPAL PAIMON!!!! Welcome to a new school year. This year, we will have our Battle of the Brains competition with a SPECIAL SURPRISE!!!” Paimon glanced at the traveler, who shrugged awkwardly.

“A PRIZE WHICH HAS YET TO BE SELECTED! But don’t worry, it will be fantastic, won’t it be Lumine?!!!” Paimon gave a menacing glare to the traveler and continued.

“As you all know, our rival school Monstadt academy will be competing as usual. Make us proud and do your best. Its in a week, so you can sign your name right here and prepare!”

After Paimon’s rather overly enthusiastic speech, the Traveller began teaching. She really was quite talkative when Paimon let her get a word in. Zhongli found many errors with the syllabus, especially in land formation, where he declared that islands formed because HE threw spears into the ground like in Guyun Stone Forest, as Ganyu watched him with second hand embarrassment.

“What’s so amusing? I really did do such wondrous feats.” He said, frustrated as everyone laughed at him.

Zhongli decided to be quiet and zoned off into his own inner world of geology. He was snapped out of it after the ringing of a bell.

“Its lunchtime Zhongli, so if you like, me, Ninnguang and Keqing can give you the tour, and show u the cafeteria.”

“I shall try to make new acquaintances today. But thank you for the offer Ganyu” He said huskily.

Childe and Xiao were boisterously shoving each other near the bookshelf, much to the distain to Xingqiu who was quietly reading.

“AYO, GUHUA GEEK. Did you hear Zhongli saying he created an island LOL” Childe laughed.

Zhongli walked briskly up to them “Good afternoon Gentlemen, or perhaps more the typical Jocks. May I accompany you for lunch?”

“Yh sure, whatever :/” Xiao had a perpetual look of annoyance with the world.

“I’ll join you guys too.” A boy with light blue hair and equally blue eyes stared at them eagerly.

They all walked out of the classroom to the lunch-hall.

“Osmanthus Wine for new friends, on me.” Zhongli declared.

“You drink? we r minors” Childe asked.

“I am not a minor. I am a god, millions of years old to be precise.” Zhongli said bluntly, as the other boys snickered.

Zhongli joined the lunch line, while the other boys had already sat down, next to a girl with plaited hair and duffel bag. Once he reached the front of the line he said

“May I have your finest Osmanthus Wine?” Zhongli asked politely.

“Don’t fool around dumb boy. Mash potatoes and gravy, slop or a Lunchable?” The cafeteria lady glared.

“Err, a Lunchable perhaps???” The geo archon was appalled at the standard of food. He joined the table, where everyone seemed to be in a secret negotiation with the black plaits girl.

“Psst Zhongli, don’t eat that nonsense. This is Xiangling. She’s like a mini chef. She runs a secret food black market. The condition for having her lunch is that the dessert is... unique.” Xinqiu said.

“How so?” Zhongli asked.

“Well, lets just say she likes slimy textures”

“Enough, do you want my lunch or not, Guhua Geek?” Xiangling looked at him.

“Yes please.” He said, as she sneaked him a lunch box hidden in a duffel bag.

“May I have one?” Zhongli requested. Xiangling nodded and gave him another. Her lunch had Black Back perch soup and sourdough bread and a and slimy chocolate pudding for lunch. Zhongli didn’t mind the texture. It reminded him of Liyues cuisine.

After they finished their lunch, they went to the school field, where Childe wanted to make more fun of Zhongli.

“SOoooo, the great Geo Archon, what proof do you have????” Childe asked, grinning broadly.

“Proof??? Zhongli wasn’t sure what he meant.

“Yeah proof that your a god, like MAGICAL POWERSS, or something”

“That’s simple, my vision is the source of my magical powers. I believe I still have it on me!”

Zhongli focused hard, as Childe nudged Xiao, waiting for the Big Flop. Much to their shock, a bright flashing light appeared and a shield was summoned around Zhongli. Then Zhongli made pillars appear on the school fields.

“WOAH-” Childe exclaimed. Zhongli attracted a big crowd of students, who were all trying to see the Geo magic for themselves.

Soon The traveler came. “Zhongli, I’m afraid I will have to confisticate that... technology of yours.” She said frowning.

Zhongli’s face turned a slight reddish shade. “My vision?”

“Yes that toy, I’m afraid it is banned. We sent an email to all parents regarding the no electronics at the boarding school. You will not be getting it back, have I made myself clear???

Zhongli was at a loss for words.

“But, you can’t do that-... I’m the Geo Archon-”

“No Zhongli, step out of your Imagination. You are a student, just like the rest of your peers, and you are expected to follow the same rules. Do you understand?”

Her words stung like salt to the wounds. She was right, he was just a student in the human world, and he would have to obey. Frustrated, he grumbled yes, and ran to the classroom and buried himself in a book.

TRAVELLERS POV

The traveller walked back into the staffroom, where Paimon was scowling.

“LUMINE, have you thought of the amazing reward yet. The one I have promised for the battle of the brains???” “It needs to have a certain boom shaka-laka you know?

Lumine looked at the vision in her hands and contemplated...

Zhongli’s POV

“ITS ASSEMBLY NOW!!!” Childe yelled.

Zhongli had been sitting in his chair sulking for the rest of class. It was almost the end of the school and he was beginning to feel like in all his million years of living, this was probably the worst day. His vision, gone.

He joined the line and was rushed into the assembly hall, where principal Paimon and traveller stood on the stage.

“My Dear students. The Battle of the Books is in a Month, and I hope many of you sign up for it! Monstadt Academy will be competing, so please try to keep the rivalry at bay. I wish good luck to all the students participating in sports, science, maths and chess competitions. Also, I pray that you all may do your best.

“Yeah yeahh, they don’t care about that. SHOW EVERYONE THE AMAZING REWARD!” Paimon eagerly said.

The curtains opened and in a glass jar, was Zhongli's vision.

“Win the competition for a chance to get a Pillar Mechanism Toy!” Lumine nervously announced.

Zhongli was FUMING WITH ANGER. THE AUDACITY! Why, he would have sent a meteor down on the school if his vision wasn’t locked in the STUPID JAR.

The school applauded and Zhongli went back into the classroom glowering in rage. He went to the traveller and spoke to her with fury.

“That is MY VISION. It isn’t some, some toy to be given away! You can’t do that. It will be extremely dangerous if it falls into the wrong hand.”

“Look Zhongli, you can try winning it back in the battle of the brains. As for the safety, I’m not concerned as to what a pillar and shield making toy can bring.”

Zhongli took a deep breath in.

“I would like to enter the battle of the brains.”

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This is my first Fanfiction I have every written. I hope you like it! Thank you for reading all the way until here. Chapter 2 and 3 are coming soon!

#genshin impact #zhongli #childe #memesdaily #keqing #school

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uhincredibleuh · 4 years

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50 questions

I was tagged by @fineosaur thanks dear this was entertaining

what is the colour of your hairbrush? bright orange

name a food you never eat? I do not love fish despite being from a place well known for seafare. pass.

are you typically too warm or too cold? cold all the time, baby. i will lose circulation in my toes for no goddamn reason

what were you doing 45 minutes ago? hopping off a zoom call and clocking out of work early

what's your favourite candy bar? probably almond joys

have you ever been to a professional sports game? yeah but nothing major league because I’ve never cared about sports enough for someone to bring me to one. I went to local minor league games sporadically as a kid.

what is the last thing you said out loud? I probably have talked out loud to myself and forgot but the last thing I said to someone else was “bye have a good tour” to my coworker

what is your favourite ice cream? i had the best ice cream i’ve ever had this summer and it was burnt honey with pear and ginger. but that’s fancy shit. if we are talking what I keep in the freezer then probably dairy free cookies and cream. or matcha mochi.

what was the last thing you had to drink? i’m drinking throat-coat tea rn bc ~*~*I might be getting sick*~*~

do you like your wallet? well enough. it was a graduation gift (high school graduation, so I’ve had it quite a while). it was more my style then than now but I have no reason to get something new.

what is the last thing you ate? lunch: leftover dal and roti that I made last night

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nope. I need to get rid of some clothes before I buy anything. tis the season for turning out my closet. I’ve also been trying to only do online, secondhand shopping OR buy sustainable/organic/ethical clothing when I can

what's the last sporting event you watched? I haven’t the faintest idea lol I really really dislike sports. I think I was actively watching some world cup matches while I was in spain two summers ago.

what is your favourite flavour of popcorn? something cheesy and/or herbal

who is the last person you sent a text message to? my mom! she just texted me that she was watching New Moon and analyzing every line which is literally my favorite hobby

ever go camping? I used to as a kid but now I prefer to air bnb instead of roughing it when I hike and honestly it’s more because I love air bnbs than a dislike of camping of any kind

do you take vitamins? I try to remember to take a skin/hair/nails supplement. lately i’ve been taking vitamin c and zinc to ward off illness but idk if that’s working out

do you regularly attend a place of worship? nah i don’t even do it irregularly

do you have a tan? no. even when I do it can barely be considered a tan. I am so white I’m nearly translucent, I freckle out in the summer and burn when I’m less lucky

do you prefer chinese or pizza? chinese!!! although I appreciate a well-made pizza very much.

do you drink your soda through a straw? I don’t drink soda

what colour socks do you usually wear? usually black but I have lots of multicolored wool socks as well

do you ever drive above the speed limit? yes but not very much, speeding makes me anxious

what terrifies you? idk man. everything and nothing all at once

look to your left, what do you see? my bedside table. it’s refurbished to the original wood and used to belong to my great-grandfather. it currently houses my tea, a lamp, various lotions, a scrunchy, gold hoop earrings, hair scissors, and a tv remote

what chore do you hate most? probably taking out the trash. or scrubbing the tub because it never pays off as well as I want it to

what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Australia...lol sorry dumb b*tch answer

what's your favourite soda? I don’t really drink soda - it was a weird, furtive decision I made as a 7 year old never to drink it because I vaguely knew it wasn’t good for you...and also I didn’t like carbonation. now I’ll drink it in a cocktail I suppose, or I’ll drink non-American sodas just for the experience

do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru. damn i want fries

what's your favourite number? 7!

who’s the last person you talked to? my coworker

favourite cut of beef? idk really but fancier cuts are nicer to cook with in general

last song you listened to? I Know A Place - MUNA. can’t get enough of that one recently. gay girl bands only.

last book you read? I just finished Saturday by Ian McEwan

favourite day of the week? one where I am not working

can you say the alphabet backwards? I can do the first bit but then i lose interest

how do you like your coffee? english breakfast tea, one sugar and a dash of almond milk

favourite pair of shoes? my birkenstocks

time you normally get up? 6:50 on weekdays, not much longer on weekends

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? I haven’t seen enough sunrises to really make a decision. perhaps sunsets because they are more accessible to me lol

how many blankets on your bed? one thick duvet, throw blankets on top as needed

describe your kitchen plates? most of them are white and square

describe your kitchen at the moment? slightly more kept than usual

do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? cider and natural wine are my go-to. but lately i love a homemade aperol spritz. and a gin & tonic anywhere is great

do you play cards? not consistently but yes. I get very competitive but also it takes me a long time to grasp a new game

what colour is your car? burnt orange

can you change a tire? I’ve never done it myself but I think I know how to?? I could probably figure it out. however I probably wouldn’t try to do it myself unless I was totally stranded

your favourite state? Maine - my home state/where I live. Maybe I’d like Washington/Oregon more but I haven’t been yet

favourite job you've had? running a women’s/gender resource center

im gonna tag: @thelandofnothing @lightninginabottle0613 @go-catch-a-chickn @greeneyedwildthing

#tag game #me

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letstalksymphogear · 5 years

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Symphogear, EP. 6

Last Time on Grand Theft Auto:

Tsubasa recovers from the world’s gayest coma as Hibiki trains her mind while putting aside such silly concepts as “the love of my life” and “literally being with my girlfriend.” After cooling Miku’s paranoia with her brand new washboard abs, Genjuro prepares the team for a pizza run across the city to deliver a dangerously hot pizza pie named Durandal. Chaos emerges as the delivery is intercepted by a rival pizza gang, lead by the nefarious Gremlin known as Yukine Chris. But, before the pizza could be claimed, dedicated pizza deliverywoman Hibiki not only steals it back, but eats it, harnessing the power of the pizza and unleashing cheesy pasta based chaos around the location.

Ryoko is so into it that she taps into her superpowers and protects Hibiki after she passes out. The delivery is considered a failure, and no tip is given.

And so, the journey continues...

Meanwhile, in this weird, tricked out mansion...

Chris meditates on some water metaphors of her own.

“that pacman colored freak took only touching it to activate a cheap ass french sword that gave her weird demon powers and its taken me YEARS to use this dumb stripper outfit and the funny cane that goes with it, what the FUCK man, what even is my life”

“maybe... maybe honeybaked hams ARE that powerful...”

“NO! turkey is the superior meat! it’s healthier, lower in fat, and way more tasty! fuck you! i’ll get my goddamned revenge!”

Chris begins musing about Fine’s motivations to capture Hibiki; during these, we’re treated to some brief image flashbacks of Chris’s life.

Suddenly, those jokes about food are a lot less funny.

It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together as to why this young woman is helping a strange nudist dominatrix spread alien terror across the city of mumblednoises, Japan. She doesn’t really have many an option on the table. It’s either help the weird kinkster with her plans, or die.

Despite everything, she has a high opinion of Fine, for the same reasons someone might have a high opinion of a television show if it were the only show they were ever exposed to. She is deeply afraid of being alone again, because she has lived through such misery that the very thought of existing out in the cold again terrifies the shit out of her.

The Sun rises casually amidst Chris’s thoughts.

“ah shit. it just hit me. i literally have spent the entire night standing here instead of actually going the fuck to sleep. goddamnit.”

On such a devious metaphorical twist, Fine stands behind her as the Sun rises.

“yeah, jokes on you. i couldnt sleep for shit either. turns out, all nude, no blankets? in japan? real bad idea.”

“thats why i decided to GO GOTH, babey! whattaya think? do i give those witchy vibes, huh? real ‘black magic woman’ santana hours? feeling cute, gonna head out with the girls and summon satan in the woods kinda aesthetic looking shit? come on, be real with me. does this not look baller?”

“you look like morticia decided to go to the grocery store to buy some wonder bread, but other than that, its a step up from your usual pussy out attitude, so sure”

“you know i decided to get some brain cells on loan from Brain Cells R Us, and ive been thinking this solomon cane stuff is solomon lame. i dont need this dumb oversized harry potter cosplay prop to get shit done. also, murder is... sorta bad? im still trying to get the brain cell stuff down.”

“i can punch just as good as goody two shoes if not better.”

“lol go do it then champ, im gonna go cut down a forest of trees now”

And so, they both just kinda... stand there.

“QUACK, NEXT SCENE, QUACK”

Meanwhile, Tsubasa is rapidly trying to rehabilitate herself from her wounds like walking like a madman, her IV drip presumably filled with Taco Bell brand Doritos Locos Tacos super spicy nacho cheese. Taco Bell: Live Mas.

“im gonna clear every fucking taco bell in your goddamned memory, kanade”

“think outside the bun! wait, what? that was a taco bell slogan? ah fuck it, im dead. what nerd’s gonna try and correct me?”

“i would, kanade. i am that nerd.”

Tsubasa is hell bent to try and understand Kanade’s simple philosophy of helping others selflessly. Unfortunately, when Kanade died, she took all the brain cells between them in the process, so coming to this epiphany is a work in progress.

“listen its a fucking miracle you are 1. alive and 2. able to have your blood run on the garbage melted plastic taco bell tries to dupe people into believing is cheese so why dont you just lie down and think of better franchises to eat from”

“no! you dont understand! taco bell is a franchise of the PEOPLE! their meals are cheap and filling and- and the chicken quesadillas are of good quality for their price! i promised kanade- my vow to the death. taco bell... ergh... now and forever... i-”

“wait. my gay senses are tingling.”

It’s Hibiki, probably running track with Miku.

“oh yeah... her... i should probably apologize to her. about trying to kill her. and then letting her almost be kidnapped. and just giving her a general hard time about something that wasn’t explained to her in the slightest for months. she’s a good bean.”

Tsubasa proceeds to never canonically apologize to Hibiki throughout the entirety of all 4 seasons of Symphogear.

Look at em run. See, it’s a metaphor, because they haven’t communicated yet and they’re running from their problems! But they’re running towards Tsubasa, who is part of the representative problem these two share! Clearly literary genius.

It’s like someone went halfway into writing an NTR plotline and went “maybe this isn’t a good idea to market our songs on.”

Hibiki is still thinking about her Hellshake Yano moment with Durandal. Mainly how she nearly killed someone with it. Hibiki is very starkly in the “killing is bad, and wrong” camp of morality, a trait currently unique to her that she’ll wind up teaching literally everyone else she meets one way or another.

Some could argue the L stands for Lydian, and they’re wrong. It stands for Lesbian.

“that was one hell of a run, hibiki! im pooped! why dont we go to the locker room and call it a day, have a nice shower and just get some dinn-”

“this is the last straw.

i clean your plates. i cook your food. we eat, shit, shower, and sleep in the same FUCKING area, and this is how you repay me? huh? you think being your wife is easy shit, hibiki? half the damn time you’re running off like clark kent having food poisoning and the other half ive gotta babysit you, the emotional equivalent of a preteen clown, to make sure your life doesn’t self destruct harder than Atlantis sinking into the ocean. im done! i am DONE. im reopening my tinder, im slamming my ass BACK into okcupid, and im gonna date some CUTE ACADEMY GIRLS that treat me BETTER than this ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL OF HEART AND IM NOT CRYING I SWEAR ITS JUST THE SWEAT IN MY EYES AND HIBIKI HOW COULD YOU-”

“oh yeah, sure! hey, lemme just do a few more laps, ive just been feeling judgmental about myself and my figure, you know? gotta push myself further...”

“o-oh yeah, sure. no worries, ill wait for you. love you too, hibiki...”

The girls bathe together, as good friends typically do.

“hey you ever notice the showers here have like, weird psuedo-luxurious minipools to bathe in? like, how rich is this school?”

“whoever made this place is either rich or a pervert. or both, probably!”

Miku remarks that Hibiki has changed since she’s entered Lydian, in a manner most unheterosexual.

“oh FUCK you really DO have washboard abs now! ohhh my god.”

“damn, those abs were heavenly. let’s get pancakes later.”

I won’t screenshot it but something to note is that they actually wear each other’s corresponding underwear colors (or even, if you want to examine more closely, each other’s underwear). Here’s an equivalent scene to give you the mental image.

This is the face of someone who knows what they want and already have it. Such is the power of Kohinata Miku.

Meanwhile, Genjuro comes back from the funeral of the guy the Americans filled violently and with impunity.

“yo that all black look looks baller. i should borrow that look... id look pretty gothy in it.”

“ryoko i sympathize with your sharp, fashionista eye but this was for a funeral, i was paying my respects to the dead. thats the usual dress code.”

“didnt know they updated that. i remember back in my day, we just went in white garments and chanted in latin!”

“shit was fire. literally. lots of funeral pyres.”

“lmao ryoko buddy your larping sessions arent actual history”

“hey dont shit on larping around me. i used to be a professional larper while i was majoring in acting. helped really sell my career when i had to pretend to slay the Dark Lord Jyarloen atop the mountain of skulls in Hargobor after my family was killed by the Dark Army. asshole.”

“haha yeah, larping, thats cool yeah, i do that

i...

i larp.”

“oh yeah? you wanna join my larping session sometime then? we’re gonna do an ancient babylon plot thats inspired by some anime, itll be fun”

“.....................................im super into realism.”

“i know im dressed for a funeral but id like to not part ways with my dignity yet. besides, we’ve got serious shit to talk about. basically, we’re on the verge of getting shitcanned.”

As it turns out, the death of this politician removed the last obstacle of opposition to maintain the 2nd Division, as the average criticism against the 2nd Division is “why are we funding this mystery division when we don’t know what they do”. Of course, the sensible idea for an organization that defeats the Noise is to declassify it, given people of different jobs and positions have physically seen the Symphogear in action, but you know. “Oh no, the other governments will come after us” stick gets shaken.

“im in a union. i know my rights. you’re not taking my acting job here away from me.”

“im not going back to be a preschool teacher. its been ten year. the bites on my ankles still havent healed...”

“yeah man, shit sucks ass. i cant fund my adoption habits if im fired.”

Look at these cinematic parallels. Symphogear truly is a franchise made by someone living in 3030.

“worst part is the new minister is super into america. he’s a... westaboo.”

“a westaboo?”

“westaboo?”

“did he just unironically say westaboo”

“he said westaboo. oh my god. this is the hell timeline.”

“i mean people kept calling me that for worshipping all these fighting flicks so i guess it fit? i dont see the problem here”

Meanwhile, in Lydian Academy...

“so it hit me, right? we’re ALL girls. and we ALL sing. now, humor me a moment. what if... what if we’ve all been recruited to potentially be superheroes... through our singing? like, there’s no coincidence that all this shit happens around us, right? and a famous singer LIVES here? i saw the black cars outside! weird shit is happening here- im not even gonna eat the all you can eat bar anymore!”

“kathy there is literally no such thing as superheroes who sing. this place is more likely to be a organ harvesting op than whatever madness you’re saying”

“what? you need me, a singing superhero, to go stop a problem happening underneath the school, a location meant to recruit young women into potentially becoming fellow crime fighting singers?”

“yeah im too busy poppin’ caps in asses so go kick ass in my place”

“sure!”

“.....................................who ya talkin to, hibiki?”

“the boss! gotta go do a thing again...”

“hibiki, i dont like the fact that capitalism is tearing us apart.”

“you’ve gotta join me in the revolution, hibiki. you. me. luxury automated gay space communism. aint it the dream? share my vision, hibiki. its glorious.”

“n... no...? no gay space communism today? well, what about tomorrow? or the next day? or... maybe the next day? baby steps, you say? but, direction action, hibiki! we’ve gotta strike now!”

“it’s okay hibiki. when i take over the world and destroy all first world government leaders, and unite the globe in my encompassing reign and love... ill make sure to spare you, and be my bride to be.”

“thanks miku. im just not ready yet for the globe to burn in an unending ball of fire as the continents fuse into a new utopia composed of our combined wills. also, ive really gotta go, its genuinely an emergency.”

“for the cause!”

“yes hibiki... for the cause...”

Admittedly, you can see the stages of grief Miku goes through when she sees Hibiki say she can’t join her for pancakes. It’s sad. This side story sucks.

Meanwhile, as it turns out, the problem Hibiki needed to resolve was checking on Tsubasa to see if she hadn’t dissolved into Taco Bell brand hot n’ spicy Tabasco sauce.

“god, cant believe taco bell was closed. now i gotta deliver these lame ass flowers”

“cant wait to get threatened again. wonder what she’ll say. ‘hibiki, i should have killed you when i had the chance.’ or ‘you’re so goddamned weak. i could break your spine with my fingernail’, or some other stuff about metaphors. oh, my stops here”

“HEY BITCH WHATS GOOD-”

“HOLY SHIT”

“you are already”

“dead.”

#symphogear #recap #anime #comedy #sponsored by taco bell

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lyricdissonance · 6 years

Note

odds please! for ask thing

1. How do you define your sexuality?i’m bisexual, i also identify as queer3. At what age did you first suspect that you are sexually attracted to other girls?first started realizing i “like like” girls instead of just “like” at 15 I believe?5. Did you have an “aha I like girls” moment or was it more of a gradual realization?gradual realization, i had a whole lot of female actresses and musicians i really admired and then realized i was also attracted to them. then i kinda brushed that aside for a while, thinking that my celeb crushes didn’t count as real crushes, before i also got crushes on girls i knew irl which made me realize i definitely wasn’t straight7. How did you become comfortable with your sexuality?reading posts by bi bloggers on here helped a whole lot, they made me realize that i didn’t have to fit a narrow definition to be “allowed” to call myself bisexual. and as someone who grew up in a conservative environment, i probably wouldn’t have discovered my sexuality when i did without tumblr since i’d never been told before that it was ok to not be straight, and i thank the internet for showing me there are other ways to live life

9. Who was the first person you came out to? How did they take it?it was by text message to a male friend who was the only other bi person i really knew at the time. he was super supportive and we haven’t talked in a while but i’d love to catch up with him someday11. How out are you?out to friends and two family members, but closeted to most of my family. which means i can be gay on tumblr and twitter but not instagram and facebook. funny how that happens13. Was anyone surprised when you came out or did people seem to already know?a few people have been surprised, but these days when i meet someone new i prefer to casually mention my sexuality rather than do a real “coming out” and i don’t normally get any reaction from that15. How soon after meeting someone do you usually tell them about your sexuality?like the last answer, if i feel like i can trust them i’ll just try to slip it into conversation. i don’t have a timeline for when i do it though, it’s just whenever i feel ok doing it17. Have you ever wished you were completely straight?not so much that as just wishing my sexuality could be not a big deal. i’d love to be out to everyone but i know it would cause problems in a lot of my family relationships19. If you are not a lesbian, about what percentage of the time do you find yourself attracted to other girls?i gave up using percentages a while ago but i’m attracted to men and women about the same amount overall21. How often do you find yourself trying to sneak a peek or stare at a cute girl?only all the time because girls are Too Cute to not do that

23. What is your current relationship status?

single af

25. Do you remember anything about the first time you kissed another girl?i’ve kissed one person and she was nonbinary, we were hanging out in her dorm common room when she went for a kiss on the cheek and i was like “well we might as well do one on the lips too”27. What is your ideal first date?wherever we go i want us to be having fun! i love going out for food or drinks but if we don’t have a connection then it’s just us staring at our plates so there’s always that risk of it being too awkward. i’d love for us to try something new where we can talk and laugh while getting to know each other29. How flirty are you?i’m the certified worst at flirting. i’m trying to be more confident but my idea of flirting right now is staring across the room31 Do you want have children someday?no but i want to volunteer with children someday and do something to help make their lives better33. How often are you asked if you have a boyfriend?not often, i think my family is used to me saying no by now lmao35. Have you ever been on your period the same time as a girlfriend?nope (see above, single af)37. Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?nope39. Has a girl ever dumped you for a guy? Have you?nope and nope41. Have you ever had a crush on a straight girl?oh yes43. Would you ever date a trans woman?absolutely45. Where do you think is the best place to meet a potential lover?

a wendy’s parking lot in upstate new york

somewhere where you can meet people who have a common interest, like a bookstore or a dance class or an lgbt event. but the romantic in me wants to believe that the love of my life could be found anywhere

47. Have you ever cut your hair super short? If not, would you ever want to?have not but would love to! even if i don’t like it i want to be able to say i tried it49. What is your opinion on septum/bull nose piercings?don’t want one for myself, but i think they’re cute51. How muscular are you?not very53. Have you ever been told that you don’t look gay, or that you’re too pretty to be gay?

hasn’t happened to me

55. Do you wear skirts and dresses? If so, how often?i may not consider myself very feminine but i do love how skirts and dresses look on me. so like once or twice a week on average?57. How much jewelry do you typically wear?i go without it a lot but i like wearing a piece of statement jewelry when i think an outfit needs it59. How often do you wear a bra?almost always when i go out, but home is a No Bra Zone61. Have you ever worn a suit?nope but i’d try it!63. Do you carry a purse?yep, i find it convenient to have all my stuff with me65. Have you ever worn any men’s clothing?because of my body shape finding men’s clothes that fit well is Hard but i’ve worn men’s shirts on occasion67. Have you ever shared clothes with a girlfriend?

no but i like this idea so cute girls who are my size please hmu

69. Who is your favorite LGBT celebrity?my faves include freddie mercury, janelle monae, st. vincent, and lady gaga71. Have you ever watched Will & Grace?nope73. How well do you feel LGBT women are portrayed on television?i’d like for us to survive to the end of the show for one thing. and not be overly sexualized. i’m glad that we’re seeing more positive and happy depictions like on b99 but we could always use more75. Do you watch any LGBT YouTubers?tbh i don’t really follow any youtubers77. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed blog or website?i follow a lot of gay blogs on here, too many to choose a favorite. and i really like autostraddle.com79. Have you read any LGBT themed literature? If so, do you have any recommendations?

i really need to start reading more lgbt lit, but shoutout to the misfits by james howe which was the first time i ever encountered gay characters in literature. i think it’s important that that book showed a gay boy who was unashamed about liking feminine things and had friends who supported him. i know my young mind was opened a little after i read it. and now that i’m looking it up again it turns out the author is gay which makes it even better!

81. Boobs or butts?Certified Boob Lover (tm)83. Ellen or Portia?

probs ellen

85. Have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club?no but there’s a gay club that’s popular w people at my school that is on my list! 87. Do you have any LGBT relatives?my sister, no others that i know of89. How outdoorsy are you?i’m definitely more outdoorsy than i used to be! i’ve learned to enjoy a bit of hiking, kayaking, and exploring but i still don’t do well with heat and bugs lol91. How many rainbow items do you own?one rainbow rubber bracelet, and a couple of bi pride items93. Have you ever participated in the National Day of Silence?no, as far as i know it was never a big thing at my school? i knew one or two people who did it95. Have you ever attended a PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meeting?no, i’m kinda curious about what a meeting would be like tho97. Have you ever been part of a softball team?nope99. Do you play any video games?

well i used to be a hardcore nintendogs player back in the day

101. (on a scale of 1-10, how attractive are...) Women who wear glasses?glasses on girls are GR8 - 10/10103. Women who are covered with piercings?kinda neutral on this, i support women getting the piercings they want but "covered with piercings” isn’t really something i look for in a person - 6/10105. Women with short hair?if you have short hair i am guaranteed gay for you - 10/10107. Tall women (i.e. around 1.83 meters/6 feet or taller)?

*wearing a shirt that says I

109. What does equality mean to you?to me it means i’m treated the same as anyone else and i have all the same opportunites111. Do you eat meat at all?yes113. How do you feel about the terms “woman crush” and “girl crush”?i find them harmful to girls trying to figure out their sexuality bc the implication of a “girl crush” is that all women have crushes on women and that it shouldn’t be taken as serious attraction. that being said i think a not-insignificant amount of women who say stuff like that just haven’t realized yet that they are attracted to women (i was one of them whoops) and i hope we can find ways to talk about the “girl crush” problem that leave room for questioning people to talk about their feelings115. How do you feel when people use the word gay to mean things such as stupid, dumb, boring, or idiotic?i hardly ever hear it anymore but i don’t like it117. What are your views on gender identity and bathroom use?everyone should be able to use the bathroom that they feel safest and most comfortable in, gender neutral bathrooms need to be everywhere, and any lawmakers who want to get in the way of that can fuck outta here119. Have you ever been called a gay slur?nope121. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your sexuality or gender identity? If so, please explain.not like, personally, but the number of people who have said in my presence that they “don’t believe” in bisexuality is Too High123. Americans: How did you feel on June 26, 2015?it was really incredible, i’d been watching as state by state (including my own) had legalized same-sex marriage and suddenly it was all across america. seeing all the love and happiness being poured out on that day was amazing125. Have you ever tried to “pray the gay away”?luckily i’ve never been there, but it breaks my heart to think about people going through that127. What LGBT stereotype do you most disagree with?"bi women are just doing it for male attention” excuse you i’m clearly doing it in the hopes that jenna coleman will fly to the states and elope with me get your facts right129. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to figure out her sexuality?

take your time! you don’t have to 100% understand your feelings but please let yourself feel what you feel and remember you are not alone. and i want to be here for questioning girls the same way that other people were there for me when i was questioning so if you need someone to talk to i am always here.

#thanks anon!!! <3 #wlwask #Anonymous #ask

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ofcloudsandstars · 6 years

Note

Hi! I'm new to the witchy scene and don't know where to start on anything tbh. It's hella overwhelming, esp bc I'm finding planetary stuff v interesting but also incredibly confusing. Any thoughts, suggestions, etc? Any blogs i should follow?? Favorote resources??? Idk. You seem v cool so i figured i would ask. My witchy sideblog is kosherkitchenwitch. 💜💜💜 (im on mobile 24/7 so sorry if you have that info somewhere and im being repetitive!!!)

I usually have a very long winded explanation for this question. Its just hard to write a very short answer because the topic itself describes several life styles and cultures and practices. To really get you started you have to be ok with journeying down a rabbit hole. (This answer by the way is it’s own rabbit hole so get comfortable lol).

Witchcraft is a practice but it’s also very spiritual so it’s definitely one of those things that become a lifestyle and you are forever learning something new. Don’t feel too overwhelmed that it is forever going on cause like its something that expands with everyone’s unique experiences!

I honestly should write a book for beginner witches with tips and exercises but for now I will leave you with this: (Though it’s very long and I apologize, I want to give you something concise to research and start with so that you have someplace to begin instead of just short and concise answers since that still won’t give you a good enough foundation.)

Here’s the top 5 tips I will tell you:

1- Know these Basic Terms

2- Know Yourself

3- Know Your Roots

4- Know Your Local Nature

5- ResourcesBelow I will flesh these points out:

BASIC TERMS

Ok so if we start with point 1, people will always tell you READ READ READ! And honestly that isn’t great advice cause most popular witchcraft books are either written by European people in the 60s and they are outdated as hell or they are full of rigid concepts or appropriation. Like don’t waste your time or stifle yourself diving into the typical witchcraft books cause you might feel like you can only exist in this narrow idea of what magic is and you won’t learn most of your abilities out of an old Scott Cunningham book or god forbid a Silver Ravenwolf published monstrosity.

The books that you would REALLY need eventually are moreso Witchcraft 201 type of books when you are diving into the specifics of practices. This is like for example if you are getting more into herbalism/herbology and now you are investing into books like local herbs or medicinal plants, or now you are getting more into astrology so you are buying books about astrological movements, or books on tarot tips and symbolism, or books like the Crystal Bible for all the esoteric crystal info. But don’t worry about all those books YET cause you are STILL JUST starting out.

However the things you should know are these terms: (also I have given some brief descriptions but please look them up even further lol that is your homework).

MagicKind of too complex to narrow into a definition here but there is a force of the universe and everything that flows within it that can be manipulated by projecting energy outward into the universe. That manipulation is referred to as Magic.

WitchA magical practitioner that uses magic to manifest their goal. Witch does not describe every magical practitioner as there are many from different cultures, but witch tends to describe one that uses magic of nature and the universe in a “grey” way (neither specifically to do good or evil) to bring about their desires.

Wicca/WiccanWicca is a religion founded in the 60s in England. A wiccan is a follower of this religion. They are witches that practice magic from revived practices of pre-christian western europe that fall under the ‘pagan’ umbrella. Not all witches are wiccan though it’s something people get confused over. Popular cultural ideas that are wiccan is the worship of the green god and triple goddess, the wiccan rede, the wheel of the year and also the terms ‘Blessed Be’ or ‘So Mote it Be’.

WizardIn popular culture referred to as a male that practices magic YET that’s cause we live in a dumb gendered society because Witch is gender neutral, anyone can be a witch and wizards/wizardry actually refers to a specific magical practice that includes elements of alchemy and transformation. I like to think of wizardry as the blending of the scientific process and magic.

Closed CulturesMagic exists in every form of the globe and in every aspect of nature but many magical practices/spiritualities or religions that deal with spirits and magic are closed for very obvious reasons that no one should be offended over. For example practices like Shinto or Mugyo have to do with the LAND they are on. Like with Mugyo for example, you literally can not practice this if you are not in Korea cause it has to do with the land itself and the spirits that live on it and the ancestors of korean people. (Theres a blogger on here that’s been raising money for a long time to be able to travel to Korea to do this). In other practices like Hoodoo or Brujera, it was carved out of the oppression of people that lost their roots and reforged a connection to protect themselves and their community from white colonialism/slavery. Indigenous American practices have to do with bonds that animal spirits and ancestors have had with tribes for generations (and also the land they live on) that will lose its context once taken out of the tribe’s culture. I think stumbling upon closed culture territory is very avoidable if you stick to the nature local to you and your roots, plus there are a lot of open cultures to choose from (and the culture that mostly dominates modern western witchcraft which has celtic roots is open to all), but honestly all cultures come from (1) nature, (2) local spirits that you’ve bonded with and (3) your history so you can always build your own magical foundation that will be stronger with your own personal connections instead of seeking something in a closed group. It’s very common when you meet witches from a hereditary line that they have their own unique practice passed down from their family. A lot of witches I know tend to make their own practice outside of a cultural tradition. Some closed folk practices and religions that you might stumble across in America are:

HoodooAfrican American folk spirituality that helped the black diaspora subjected to slave trade and racism find their ancestral roots and protect their community. It uses root work that deals with the roots, dirt and spices they have access to. Though you might see a lot of magic practitioners interchange this term with witchcraft, it exists in it’s own culture and it’s own context outside of witchcraft. This form of magic is closed to nonblack magical practitioners.

VodouIs not interchangable with Hoodoo. Its a religion of Haiti that haitians used to connect with their ancestors and spirits that watch over them.

SanteriaA religion that uses magic and has catholic influences yet the catholic saints are more like guides that help them fulfill magic. They’ve adapted the catholic imagery due to colonialism forcing christianity onto their culture but it was a way to disguise their old gods. (Hoodoo also uses christian tools to disguise their magic).

BrujaA form of folkmagic that can be found in Latinx culture. Just like Hoodoo and EVERY. OTHER. FORM. of FOLKMAGIC culture (just emphasizing these points cause like people do get UPset when you talk about closed cultures when there’s no reason to be) it uses plants and spices that were accessible to the people, they elevate their ancestors with altars, and have their own practices like using eggs for cleansing spells or eggshell powder (cascarilla).

BrauchereiI am UNSURE if this is closed or not but this is a type of magic found in Pennsylvania and in Appalachia due to German settlers. They use the bible too as a conjure book along with diviner rods and magic symbols (like the Haagel). Some people refer to this as “Pow Wow” magic but I feel weird about that for obvious reasons but if you want to do more research on it you can find stuff underneath that term. It has a very Country Aesthetique™ and you might recognize it by the tradition of Hex Signs painted on Pennsylvanian barns or Barnstars as a goodluck charm.*As a personal note I would say almost all folk magic is closed cause like it comes from a specific land, culture and context so it might lose meaning outside of the context unless if you are welcomed within the community and find people to teach you their folk magic secrets. Anyway Magic is EVERYWHERE so this is in no way to discourage you but also its interesting and fun to learn about other magical cultures as long as you don’t try to claim it as your own.General Magic Terms:

Energy WorkRefers to exercises or magic that is purely energy based. Some magic likes to use candles or tools but energy work is just using the body and your own energy.

GroundingA way to center your energy within your body typically through focusing on the connection of your feet or roots into the earth. There are many ways to ground and many places in nature you can ground other than your bare feet on the earth. For example some witches like to do it while their feet is under the waves by the sea, or some witches like to do it on a breezy hill or in front of a lit candle. You just focus on the energy flowing through your body by the environment surrounding you and center this before going into a ritual or casting a spell.

Chakras vs Energy PoolsChakras is a term taken from it’s cultural context and appropriated BUT the concept of Energy Pools is is A LOT of cultures and even creeping it’s way into science due to acupuncture and other therapeutic practices involving pressure points and energy pools being accepted into the mainstream. When doing energy work it’s good to be aware of the various energy pools in our body. (Its important to be familiar with the term Chakras since it’s still widely used so at least you will understand it’s meaning.)This can also be studied forever but I can try to write a brief blurb on it: The feet often obtain our lowest form of energy, the thighs can store emotional trauma and can hold our hidden emotions. The Pelvis is our root and connects us mostly to the physical world (when you do grounding work you can focus here as well as your feet if you feel you are drifting), the womb/bowels is where we have our passionate or lustful energy and that allows us to create. Our stomachs is our influence power and ego, our hearts is our compassion and empathy towards others. Our throats can help us communicate, our hands help us manifest, our third eye helps us with our intuition and dreams and our crown helps us be connected to the universe and receive messages from our guides. When you have physical ailments that are reoccuring in a part of the body you should think if maybe any emotional stress in those areas are contributing to physical sickness. I know the thighs might have more energetic abilities but I learned that they can store emotional trauma cause I used to feel a kind of stiff pain there when I was stressed and my friend who is training to be a yoga instructor told me that emotional trauma gets stored in the hips and thighs. She would give me yin yoga lessons for free to release that tension. Also if you feel you need to be more Compassionate, Confident, Vocal, you can focus on doing energy work in those corresponding areas of the body.

AstrologyThe study of planetary movements and how it effects our lives and the flow of things.

PlanetsKnow the planetary effects on yourself and society INCLUDING Chiron and mathematical points such as Lilith and the Ascendant

Star ChartThe positions of stars and planets when you were born and the strengths and qualities they’ve given you along with karmic lessons you must overcome. Look up your star chart here.

Moon CyclesThe phases of the moon have power to them too. Full is a great time to release energy and manifest things where as new is a great time to begin new plans and cleanse. The moon rules our emotional body and each sign it has a new or full moon in has a lesson for us.

Zodiac Signs and their ElementsEach zodiac sign has a sort of attribute to it. The way we think of the Four Elements as a type of quality, the 12 signs have their own unique qualities as well. Just familiarize yourself with them as best you can and their element. This will come in handy later when you are more familiar with the signs and will understand what it means when certain planets are transiting signs. (Meaning when planets are crossing over a zodiac sign in the sky).

ElementsThe Four elements Earth, Water, Air and Fire are like a quaternic attribute that can be applied to anything. Earth rules the solid form, The physical body and can be thought of as having qualities of structure and providing. Water rules the liquid form, the emotional body and can be thought of as having qualities of nurturing and cleansing. Air rules the gas form, the mind and can be thought of as having qualities of change, innovation and inspiration. Fire rules the energy form, the spirit and can be thought of as creative or explosive. You can apply these qualities to almost any thing such as: Carnelian the stone is Fiery because it possesses qualities of bursts of inspiration and motivation and sometimes sexuality. The Dandelion is very airy because it can spread far due to it’s seeds and its a poofy tuft. I also think the quaternity of the elements adds more flexibility in assigning attributes to things where as the binary is very black and white and I find it confining. (Also reinforcing gender stereotypes but we will get to that later). This quaternity will pop up in many places in your magical research, from the zodiac elements, to the tarot card suits.

Sun cyclesAs the moon has cycles so does the sun. The sun changes the zodiac sign like once a month and these periods of times are usually referred to {zodiac} season for example: ‘Sagittarius Season’ or 'Capricorn Season’ when the sun has lined up with the Sagittarius or Capricorn constellation in our sky. These moments of time also have lessons for us.

SabbatsThe Sabbats are witch holidays that derived from western europe that were revived in the wiccan religion that have to do with the earth and sun’s position throughout the year. Witches celebrate Spring and Autumn equinox and the winter and Summer Solstice. There are also crossquarters for points in between this time like Halloween/Samhain on Oct 31st/Nov 1, Beltane or May Day on May 1, Imbolc on Feb 1st and Lughnasadth on August 1st.

Wheel of the YearThe name for the cycle of sabbats. You can search the tumblr tag to learn a little more on it!

Agrarian CyclesEvery region has their own unique seasonal change and foods and living beings local to their environment. The Wheel of the Year does have Celtic western European roots but you can take the concept of celebrating nature and the seasons and make it secular and apply it to any region and put your own cultural roots into it. Just research your local land and your local farmers almanac and you can get started. Here are a few wheels and concepts taken from other cultures and regions (1)(2).

Bioregional AnimismThis is a fancy term meaning that local nature has it’s own spirit. You should be familiar with your local “magical terroir”. Being connected with nature is important for a witch as nature is where magic can be found. The body itself is a magical conductor but for a witch that does not have a connection to nature, using the body’s energy without any recharging can be draining. Most books on magic are very eurocentric based which does not help magical practitioners or witches that live in other climates that are not four seasonal or temperate. Also there are unique spirits and plants to each environment that can help you with your magic. I will link a post on this later.

SpiritsEntities that are noncorporeal that exist everywhere. Some live on this plane, some live solely on the astral. I feel like dealing with spirits is a Witchy 201 issue so I won’t dive in it here but know that almost everything has a spirit (disclaimer: I am an animist so I believe everything- especially everything living has a spirit), and the more you form friendships with entities like trees, plants, animals and your guides you will gain a stronger practice. I believe for a witchling its best to try to befriend or get to know the spirits of things you can see like local trees, animals, stones etc. Don’t mess with ghosts or astral entities yet haha. (Until you know how to ward and banish)

Spirit GuidesWe all have spirit guides. Whether it be our ancestors looking out for us or some spirits that genuinely like us and want to help us out. You can form a relationship with them to help you succeed in your goals.

Astral PlaneI might not be the best person to define this (your witchy homework is to further do research on all these vocab words I’ve put on here so far lol) but the astral plane is the realm beyond this physical one where dreams, thoughts, spirits all coincide. I think its kind of like a world in between worlds cause you can travel to other worlds within it. You can access it through dreams, trancing, guided meditation or astral projection (when your spirit leaves your body). Other spirits may not be friendly so it’s wise to protect yourself before trying to travel.

Astral ProjectionWhen you project your spirit from your physical body to travel.

Wardinga form of energy work to create a boundary so something won’t cross into your space. It’s like a magical security field.

BanishingTo get rid of an entity or toxic person in your life. It’s seen as a form of cursing since its a long term spell that’s not to the target’s benefit.

Hexing/Jinxing/CursingThere are multiple definitions for these but I define jinx as a quick kind of malicious energy put on someone to cause them bad luck. Like putting energy towards someone to wish they bust their ass going down the stairs and they do. A hex is more aggressive and usually pretty specific since a jinx is just general bad luck. A hex is usually more thought out and you want a specific outcome to happen yet its just general misfortune instead of any real physical harm. A Curse is the most long term and often is difficult to be free of until it’s over. Some curses last lifetimes or can even become generational. Usually you are forever barred from doing something or it reveals something about you to damage your reputation. A curse is often the most damaging out of the three. In Wicca there is the wiccan rede that forbids any negative spell casting but that’s only a rule for wiccans.

BlessingA form of positive spellwork to be casted upon someone. Opposite of hexing obviously lol.

SigilsI believe this has some long history with summoning entities but it’s now usually used to refer to magical symbols a witch can create to store energy or influence something with energy. For example you can carve a sigil in a candle to infuse the candle with a certain energy or put a sigil in your coffee with the creamer or paint a sigil on your nails for glamour magic. You should just search the tumblr tag for sigil.

Use of Masculine and Feminine EnergyUpon your witchy research you will find this binary to describe energy and I personally find it archaic but you should understand the difference despite my personal opinions. Since most are agreeing that referring to something active/fast/powerful is masculine and something passive/slow/nurturing is feminine is problematic, they are now rebranding the binary as “active” and “passive” but in my magical experience I find that active and passive are not great ways to think of energy because its more of a spectrum than a binary. Anything can be active, passive or neutralizing. Fire can be passive when it’s used as lighting to see. Earth can be active when it’s shaking the ground during a quake to form new surfaces. Water can be active when it’s changing topsoil and causing mudslides and floods. Air can be passive when it’s a gentle draft being pushed through a vent. I’d suggest thinking of this type of energy as a spectrum but also its good to know about this too.

The Use of X Witch/WitchcraftYou will definitely find upon your witchy research the use of 'Fire Witch’ or 'Kitchen Witch’ or 'Sea Witchcraft’ or 'Desert Witchcraft’ and to put it simply: Someone who calls them self an X witch basically is defining most of their craft around one aspect that they gravitate the most to wield magic. A LOT of witches however won’t use this because most witches have many aspects of magic they use in their craft so it’s hard to define themselves simply as X witch. However the easiest label most witches like to use deal with the local nature because your local nature usually always defines your magic in someway whether or not you are a City Witch, a Sea Witch, a Desert Witch, Swamp Witch, Mountain Witch, Farm Witch, Prairie Witch, Island Witch etc etc. Usually someone who really sticks to a label of X witch that’s not nature orientated really has a joy of that craft and on a platform like tumblr it’s used to find other witches that practice that. (Don’t feel pressured to pick a label) Other than labels you might find terms like Candle Witchcraft, Tech Witchcraft and Kitchen Witchcraft and those are just categories of witchcraft that have to do with those specific subjects. I sometimes refer to myself as a Cottage Witch (witchcraft that has to do with the home) and a lot of my magic deals with daily rituals at home!

Cottage Witchcraft/WitchMagic that has to do with the home, protecting the home, cleansing, the garden, the kitchen, the bedroom, the bathroom. It’s essentially kitchen/bath/green witchcraft all combined.

Kitchen MagicMagic that has to do specifically with cooking, using herbs in oils and recipes for magical outcomes, recipes as spells. Charming hot cocoa, magical teas.

Bath Magic/ Bath WitchMagic that has to do with the ritual of bathing. Face masks, bath bombs, home made soaps as spells, cleansing the body, infusing scents with intent. Wearing scented creams, lotions, perfumes as spells.

Glamoursa type of illusion magic to influence others to perceive you a certain way. (examples: making yourself invisible to others by spells that make you less noticeable, or making yourself more alluring to grab needed attention, or making yourself more intimidating to avoid confrontation). Glamour magic kind of goes hand in hand with bath magic too.

Green Witch/WitchcraftMagic that has to do with nature and gardening and herbs. Plants are our allies and have spirits that are willing to help us if we nurture them.

HerbologyThe study of plants and their properties

Hedge WitchcraftA form of magical practice that deals with working with spirits and traveling to other worlds for spirit work.

DivinationThe practice of fortune telling. There are MANY different ways to divine which are listed below:

Dream OraclingInterpreting your dreams based on your personal omens and experiences to do shadow work or to interpret omens that might signal something for your future.

Shadow Work (not divination- I’d categorize this as energy work- but I’m putting it here since I mentioned it)The practice of self reflection that’s often followed by meditation or sometimes coinciding with practices of dream oracling, tarot reading or trancing to delve deep within oneself to undo traumas and understand the “shadow” side of our self or our ego.

CartomancyDivination that has to do with reading cards. You can use regular 4 suit playing cards as many card readers do.

TarotThe most used card deck to divine with. There are 5 suits in a tarot deck. The Major arcana are cards in it’s own suit with a stronger symbolic meaning and the minor arcana are suits like hearts, spades etc (But instead cups-water, coins-earth, wands-fire and swords-air assigned an element) that tell an evolutionary story. There are a lot of simple tarot spreads on tumblr to help you get started if you wish to read tarot cards. Tarot tends to give very introspective answers.

LenormandA french style of divining cards using mostly archetypes instead of suits (though some cards are assigned a suit but its kind of irrelevant to the reading).

Oracle DecksCards that only have symbols and no suits. Each oracle deck is very unique from the next! I enjoy using oracle decks for one card draws for daily advice.

PalmistryThe divining technique of using palms to read someone’s qualities and obstacles in life.

RunesI will define them here as the divining practice of using small trinkets, or painted stones with symbols on them to toss and read your future. Some practitioners use bones, some use crystals, some use acorns, some use stones that are painted or carved. One set of runes you will see a lot are the Elder Futhark which is scandinavian (sorry I don’t know exactly from where) symbols that are carved in crystals or stones and read by tossing them.

NumerologyMagical Numbers. Each number has a power to it. You can find your life path number here. Also if you get drawn into the rabbit hole of numerology you should also look up Sacred Geometry.

TasseomancyDivination of reading tea leaves.Other Divination Forms that you can refer to by with less fancy names like Bone reading and flame reading (like with candles), scrying (looking for symbols in mirrors or crystal balls), shufflemancy (music and tech can be used as divination too!)

Tools:

PendulumA weight (usually a crystal or coin) used at the end of a string that’s used to find answers on a grid. (Usually if it swings vertically it means yes and horizontally means no but look up pendulum on the tumblr tag you will find a lot of wonderful examples).

Smoke CleansingEither using incense, a bundle of dried herbs or a twig of a tree or herb to burn to cleanse the air. Rosemary is great for warding along with lemongrass, sage and dragonsblood.Also FYI Some appropriating witches might refer to this as “Smudging” But Smudging is a specific practice of offering smoke to guides of a tribe in indigenous American cultures and it would be bastardizing the practice by referring to any form of smoke cleansing as smudging.

CrystalsSome crystals do have an electrical charge due to their crystaline structure. I am unsure of the specifics and I’ve already wrote too much lol but its a subtle and gentle force many magic practitioners like to use to create energy fields for rituals. They are often used as energy amplifiers and some crystals tend to have different energy than others. (For example lepidolite can help amplify the energy of healing and self love where as fire agate can help amplify the energy of motivation and starting new things).

CauldronUsed for burning loose herbs or cooking things. Large pewter cauldrons tend to be wild expensive so I haven’t seen a lot of witches use them. I typically see smaller ones to burn herbs in. Its a great tool to use in spell crafting when you toss ingredients in a spell to bubble and burn in.

Mortar and PestleTools to help crush herbs and roots into powder

BesomsBroomsticks made from certain twigs that can help cleanse the home with symbolic sweeping. The idea of witches riding on brooms come from a time where witches would put flying ointments made of mandrake or datura on the end of the broom and “ride” them by grinding their genitals on it therefore absorbing the ointment and “tripping” to another plane. Its a way of also acheiving astral projection and “flying” in on others to spy on them or completing tasks on other realms. This is like.. Witchcraft 301 its kind of dangerous please don’t try at home lol.

WandsA tool used to direct energy. If the body is its own source of energy and can conduct energy, the wand helps to focus it’s direction. Most wands have crystals or magical items fused onto it.

CharmA magical item charged with energy to have a purpose. For example a lucky necklace can become a charge if it is charged with the energy to bring luck or prosperity. Charms (unless they are made with a crystal or magical metal) tend to not have their own energetic charge so they constantly need to be recharged by the witch when the energy runs out.

AltarA space to work magic. A witch can have many altars. It really doesn’t need to be fancy. Some witches use their altars to put all of their tools and often the surface is like a grid of their crystals. Some make an altar to an entity or their ancestors and the things they put on it are very specific in order to devote the offering to their ancestor or entity. Some use an altar as a workspace. When I have my own place I will do all three. I have my bedroom altar which the surface is a space I work magic on but the bottom is where I keep my books and crystals. The bathroom and kitchen will have more messy spell crafting altar space where I concoct bath potions or food and the living room will be a very clean and organized altar dedicated to spirit guides. What all altars have in common is that they are sacred spaces so even if its a messy magic working space you still can’t dump whatever on it. Also some altars can be spacious where as some can be inside of an altoid tin box. Some altars can be inside of closets and some can be sprawled across a ground. Some can be set up just for a ritual and some can be forever apart of the living room space. They all just have in common that they are sacred magic spaces.

Ouija BoardA way to contact spirits that are currently around you in your space. The thing is that it doesn’t have a great filter so it’s like Chat Roulette but for spirits and you can get any creep coming in to harass you.

GrimoireBook of a witch where they keep all of their spells, remedies, techniques and magical secrets within.

Animal FamiliarSo I believe (though not sure) that familiars refer to 'familiar spirits’ or spirits that are companions to witches and help them complete tasks. In modern witch media this has been mixed up with the idea of witch’s animal companion. Regardless of the roots of the meaning (I have my own research to do lol!) you should know what a familiar means and that in most cases people will use it to refer to their animal companion though I have seen it in a few contexts to refer to a spirit companion.

Sorry this list is super Extensive but think of this as your Witchcraft 101 homework haha. Witchcraft is something used across many cultures for a long time so there’s a lot to know.

I am unsure if I should elaborate this much on the other points, but knowing me I will haha. Hopefully I can find other posts I’ve written about it to save this from becoming a novel but I will try to keep it brief!

Anyway the next three points is where the magical practice comes in!

2.Know Yourself

You are a magical conductor and have your own unique magic. Every witch is unique. Things that will help you bring out your own magic is knowing yourself and what brings out the best energy in you. You can learn about your magical self by learning about your star chart, your zodiac signs and elements, your life path number and of course your passions or hobbies! You can infuse magic into any practice you can be creative in. If you enjoy cooking there is kitchen witchcraft. If you enjoy make-up there are glamours, if you enjoy singing there is intoning and musical magic. If you don’t like making music but listening there is shufflemancy. If you like sleeping there is dream oracling. No matter how obscure your preferences are you can make magic from it. Even if you spend all day obsessing over fanfiction or fictional characters you can create your own pop culture magic path (I saw a post here once with someone making sailor moon magic a thing it was very cool), even if you just like blogging and putting aesthetics together you can make vision boards on pinterest. The best advice to this 2nd point is GET A MAGIC JOURNAL. Not a grimoire but Journal where you can be messy and just take magical notes. Write your favorite colors, the elements that call out to you, animals that you feel drawn to, your favorite places in nature, your favorite hobbies and how you can put magic into them. Knowing yourself and finding your own unique magic is the first step to being a powerful witch!

3.Know Your Roots

This point can be glossed over but it is an extension of point 2 and will also help going into point 4. This is very important point if your cultural identity bears a lot of meaning to you. Magic can be found anywhere in the world and if you would like to follow a tradition you can definitely find one in your own heritage. Every culture has its own magic and even if you can’t find something specific you can definitely find aspects of your culture that you can make magical! For example: vodou is closed and I am half haitian but theres not much of a way I could access it. Anyway that is fine because I still incorporate a lot of my haitian heritage into my magic, mostly by foods that are native to Haiti, using tropical fruits and roots and sometimes offering of rum to spirits and sometimes intuitively (like I made flower water and my mom commented once thats something that people did in vodou and I was like lol I had no idea I was just making this water..) I am also half French and I use Lenormand to divine with and also like recycle my dad’s fancy wine bottles for oil infusion haha (that’s more of a 'what I have access to’ then a cultural thing tho). Every culture has something special like in witchcraft there is knot magic but if you were chinese you can incorporate that with the chinese knot charms, or for south asian/east african heritage could make sigils on their body with henna or assigning different spice mixes with spells in kitchen magic, or southwest asian/northern african witches using their hookahs to smoke various herbs to help them do shadow work or astral traveling, or afro witches braiding spells into their boxbraids and adorning them with crystal beads for protection or european witches baking spells into bread. Like since this is also a continuation of point 2, this is about how magic relates to you and whatever you are surrounded by. You can make magic yours and incorporate it into your culture!

4. Know your Local Nature

I have spoken ENOUGH on this post haha I am sure I have given you enough reading material for two months but I will link this link here on it.

http://ofcloudsandstars.tumblr.com/post/165455994141/local-witchcraft (read all the links in it too they are all great posts!)

I think on this post I have already spoken enough about nature and how important it is to magic so you understand by now.

5. Resources

Seek out your local metaphysical, new age, crystal or magic shops! Even if you have none you can sometimes find helpful books in used book stores, or find tools in craft stores. Michaels is an incredible franchise that sells potion bottles, labels, crystal beads, edible glitter, pretty journals, things for altars, candles and candle wax and candle making things, JARS, pots for plants, jewelry making kits, mini mirrors and all kinds of things you can use in magic.

Here is my resource tag for more resources

OK THAT WAS A LOT

sorry for the novel, but I hope you will have time to research and start your journey! Good luck with everything! Feel free to shoot any more questions!! °☆.。.:*・

#scaredy-bee #kosherkitchenwitch #beginner witch #blog beginner #guide #advice #witchcraft*#witch tips

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