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#anyway if you haven’t listened to the podcast please do

red-might-be-dead · 22 days

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hello hi here to force strange thoughts into your brain once again, this time about jrwi (wow who could’ve guessed)

been thinking about this for a little but it’s basically what i think some campaigns would be if not podcasts, i haven’t listened to some of the older ones so i’m sorry they’re not on here :(( if you have any ideas feel free to add them btw :DD

RIPTIDE!!!!! - really long animated series

not an anime though, no matter how much grizzly wants it, it would be an animation style where the characters could have very clearly different nose, face and body shapes, really pushing my riptide nose agenda here sorry, each episode would be like 20-40 minutes long and instead of coming out in seasons there would be massive gaps in between episodes, from 2-6 months long, to leave time for writers and animators to get stuff done (massive team of animators btw, i feel like it would be pretty successful)

PRIME DEFENDERS!! - comics

literally nothing else they could be, just really well made, well performing comics (i’ve already talked about this before you can stalk my talk tag if you really want to find it lmao), the comic company making them would be keeping well away from movies n shit btw

APOTHEOSIS!!! - i wasn’t really sure about this one to be honest

i had to ask my friend and she said anime which i don’t agree with but i can see it, i think maybe a short book series where each book is 150 - 300 pages and is about a different god they have to kill/a different episode, i think that works but if anyone has any better ideas please tell me :D!!

BLOOD IN THE BAYOU!!! - i hate to say it, i really do…

bitb would be a really long really good 80s horror book with strong homoerotic undertones, a satisfied fanbase and lots of active members in the community making fan comics, films, writing, theories and art ect… until well after the book came out……….. and then it would be made into the most egregious and awful live action movie you have ever seen, the most awful casting (like chris pratt as officer dudes….. throws up) and even worse sfx, oh yeah and the characters would be ruined and the story would become so butchered it wouldn’t make sense, they would do some shit like cut out becky so kian just kisses some random lady (removing both a really good and well written character and a layer of kian’s character that i think is super important) and make rolan really be an evil bug spy the whole time so rand has to kill him to save the town also add in a whole new sub plot that never existed like the rand family is secretly a long line of bug alien hunters or something fucking stupid like that and the entire fanbase would murder whoever thought re-writing the story was a good idea (ahaha can you tell ive been through something like this before ahahaha, character morals and motives being removed and whatnot ahahahhahahaha.)

anyways………

THE SUCKENING!!! - live action series

it would be well made though, unlike the bitb movie it would be its own original thing, have great makeup and effects also be well casted and well shot, well written, ect ect, it would bloody and gory and not suitable for people who can’t handle showing bones and organs all over everywhere, lots of shitty rip off merch would be made though and the fandom would be 99% gay little freaks (normal suckening enjoyers) and 1% homophobic straight white men who get mad whenever they see soda and emizel having gay sex on screen or whatever fag shit that biting thing was

again feel free to add your thoughts and ideas and shit in the reblogs it would be nice to read them :DD!!

#red rambles relentlessly #jrwi show #jrwi pd #the suckening #jrwi riptide #jrwi apotheosis #jrwi bitb #jrwi spoilers #jrwi the suckening #jrwi prime defenders #bitb spoilers #suckening spoilers #i think i wrote some shit that could be considered spoilers in those two sections #definitely the bitb one #which i definitely didn’t base around a certain netflix adaptation of one of my old favourite books cough cough #I HATE THAT FILM SO MUCH WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO SOPHIES CHARACTER SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A BITCH STOP TRYING TO MAKE HER NICE #anyways like maybe one person who sees this post will know what that’s referencing #and i will admit the books weren’t perfect but at least the characterisation made sense

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enby-wrights · 11 months

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(warning i do not understand how tumblr works i have been on here for like two months and gathered absolutely nothing so i apologize if i did something wrong with like tags and the like? also i think i kind of sound like a youth pastor towards the end of this but it’s okay i do what i want. anyways)

greetings marble hornets fanbase i just have some (long) thoughts to share on tim and alex :) i have some Mental Health Hot Takes that are not worded well because i wrote this at one in the morning but feel free to read anyways. also i know that the marble hornets mental illness allegory conversation has been done to death but please let me throw in my two cents i am just a little guy and i even said please

in all my six long years traversing the Deep Dark Depths of the marble hornets fanbase, i’ve never been all that interested in exploring any kind of close relationship between alex and tim within the story-- i think 2006 alex comes off as a bit desperate and overbearing, and i think that would have made 2006 tim a little too anxious to attempt to get close to him. it’s just interesting to think that they wouldn’t quite fit together at the only point in their lives where they would have had the chance.

their position in the overall story as narrative foils to one another, however........... now that’s a tasty character dynamic if i do say so myself :) although essentially all of season three revolves around the conflicts between people as they react to the mental illness metaphor operator in their own Fun And Unique ways, alex and tim are undoubtedly the poster children of this concept. both of them begin dealing with almost identical issues, and their reactions to these issues shape their individual narratives in completely opposite directions. i was thinking about it while listening to the podcast great, more tapes today (which if you haven’t listened to it i totally recommend it even though it has been dead for a year) and it’s kind of a really great allegory for the ways in which people’s reactions to experiences with mental illness can either make or break our recovery. as someone who has intentionally made my own recovery worse on multiple occasions out of general manic faux edginess, the parallels kind of hit me really hard

i’m gonna highlight the differences between alex and tim’s reactions to the mental illness metaphor operator using a bullet point list because i’m autistic and all of my thoughts occur in bullet point lists actually

during the filming of alex kralie’s marble hornets, as their symptoms are both beginning to set in, we see alex alone incredibly often. tim, on the other hand, is always seen surrounded by other people (this also comes down to the contexts in which they were filming but whatever it’s artistic framing or something idk)

tim seeks medical attention. duh. i think it’s probably pretty safe to assume that alex did not seek any sort of medical attention for his mental health issues leading up to all that murder, otherwise there maybe wouldn’t have been murder

aside from seeking medical help, we also see tim seeking help (or at least visibility) from his peers. entry #66 is just tim yelling at jay about how scared he is. and even if jay isn’t really much help, he can at least see where tim is coming from in the future and has the opportunity to act accordingly (he does not take this opportunity but hey at least it’s there. as alex’s condition worsens, all we see is him lying to his loved ones about what’s going on. which is bad.

alex constantly walks in anger and fear. tim doesn’t stifle his emotions (i.e. him beating the shit out of jay), but he also acts logically and doesn’t dwell on them for too long

by season three alex is just fucking living all alone in the woods (which if you didn’t know is the opposite of seeking help)!! not only is he running around in an echo chamber but he chose to bring a gun into the echo chamber with him which is a really great way to become more mentally ill. tim on the other hand has a job, and a life, and people in his life who at least care enough about him to call him and see if he’ll be at work on time. he keeps busy and he interacts with the world around him and even when he’s having to constantly check in with his doctor to make sure he stays okay he is out and about and being a person

and it’s a weird thing to think about because when i’m at my worst psychologically i tend to bring a (METAPHORICAL) gun into my own echo chamber and sulk around in there until i start to believe some pretty shitty things about the world around me

but on the few occasions where i do manage to reach for help and respect my feelings while still existing outside myself it’s a miraculous feeling. i get better. and then i get worse again, because mental illness is a bitch, but it gets easier and easier to reach out every time.

and i think that’s part of the reason why alex gets eaten up by the idea of the operator while tim doesn’t. tim has experience with getting help, and he’s clearly developed a skill for taking care of himself. he just got lucky that his first time dealing with a mental health crisis wasn’t as fucked up as alex’s.

anways tldr alex kralie is my new example for what not to do in my mental health recovery journey also he’s a bitch

(ps i don’t understand how i got to the end of this rant without mentioning masky a single time but i promise he fits into the mental illness allegory somewhere probably maybe)

#marble hornets #alex kralie #tim wright

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vestaclinicpod · 9 months

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Audio Drama Sunday - 13th August ✨

Happy #AudioDramaSunday, lovely people! I’ve listened to so much audio drama this week and my house is so clean as a result 🫧

SPOILERS BELOW!

🌲@hellofromthehallowoods Starcrossed Gods!! I felt so brave daring to listen to this again. My heart 💔 Marolmar is written so well! Every sentence contains something to flinch at, it makes me sick to hear it all again. I’d also repressed the memory of how gut-wrenching Nikignik’s shouting at the end was, and how much it hurts to hear people trying to sing with a closed up throat. ANYWAY, I’m fine, thank you for asking. I’m not sure if the live show was released early due to logistical reasons, but I am fearful that it’s to provide context for what’s about to happen in the regular episodes (AKA tears and tears and tears for me).

🦀 What an absolute delight to hear from the @thesiltverses cast again! These season recaps are so funny and it’s so heart warming to hear it when the cast of a show are clearly also its biggest fans. I’m SO excited for S3!!

🦮 @malevolentcast (34) what an episode!! If I recall correctly, this is the first time we’ve had an episode entirely without Arthur & John’s perspective? The Butcher is a worthy character to hold that mantle. Do I feel like I understand him more? No. Did I love being along for the ride? Absolutely. It’s also so weird to hear Arthur talking to John out loud when he thinks no-one can hear. I hope he makes it out in time!

📻 @monstrousagonies (107) So thrilled to have this show back and I hope Hero is feeling much better! The first letter was so cute!! I’m sure there are lots of us who can relate to choosing love and kindness when we’re used to the opposite! Whichever bridge that little one finds, I’m sure it’ll be the loveliest by far!!

🌒 @monkeymanproductions gave us the low-down on just how incredibly talented the Moonbase Theta, Out cast are in their Cast Special. Spoiler: Very. It was very wholesome to hear DJ Sylvis hyping everyone up and the episode is full of great AD and other recommendations!

🎙Welcome to Night Vale is back!! I felt particularly targeted by the ad copy in this episode, but I’m sure that was their intention! This ep’s weather was particularly up my street too! I loved the harmonies!

🎞 Tiny Terrors OOF hey so I found out what was up with Angela… and I didn’t like it one bit! I also need to know what the hell was happening at the end there. Jess, girl, you’ve got to stop getting yourself in these situations. It’s too much (for me to listen to)!

🌍 @lastechoespod (8) I can’t believe it’s the last episode! Ishani Kanetkar was wonderful as Trast. I wish we could hear the final decision, but I guess I’ll just have to relisten and try decide for myself . . .

🧛‍♂️ @re-dracula Uhoh, someone’s arrived in Whitby . . . I love Mina so much and Isabel AdomakohYoung is doing amazing job as her VA. She captures the good-hearted intelligence I love so much about the character!

💫 Wolf 359 (38-46 + Special!) Oh MAN this podcast has my entire heart. Isn’t Memoria one of the best episodes of anything ever? Oh, Hera, I love you sooo much!!!!! I also loved the Lovelace cliffhanger at the end of 46 and the special was so different but so good! (Although listening to 2 hours of anything is a challenge!! I need a 20-30 min ep or I can’t fit it into my life)

🎩 @ethicstownpod (7) OH MY GOD. January fans are looking a little bit bloody silly right now! What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On???? Please, if you haven’t yet started listening to this show, now is your time! It’s SO good and has so many twists and turns!!

🥾@doyoucopypod (5) oh my GOD, imagine how horrifying it would be to be out in the woods to grieve your partner, only to hear their voice in the middle of the night. Nope. Absolutely not. Get out of the dead zone!! Wilson remains the goodest boy, even if his growls give me goosebumps!

🎧 In this week’s The First Episode Of, W Keith Tims talks to the creator of Untrue Stories! These interviews are always fantastic and this show sounds so interesting for fans of sci-fi!!

Thanks for reading! I’m so excited for more Regina Prime and to catch up with happenings in the Hallowoods next week! Hope you all have a restful weekend ✨

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broomsticks · 1 year

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me, seeing if i can bait anyone into diving into BL fandom drama with me 😈

transcript (pdf) here

v interesting episode bringing together some really different perspectives! podcast hosts are australia-based academics who usually focus on china politics—i haven’t listened to any other episodes but they’re definitely on my to-do.

they also brought on an american(?) scholar of chinese history/ art history lecturer at HKU, who reads fanfiction and is interested in chinese tv dramas from the state censorship/regulation pov — and a(n asian?) BL (+ thorki, johnlock, etc) fanfic author 幻想症患者 (love the nick. means smth like ‘suffers from delusions’)

it’s no easy feat to be the lone fanfic writer in this discussion, to have to fairly represent the many aspects to these really complex issues, and there were a couple of rather - honestly not even fandom 101, more like fandom 100-level type questions you’d only get from people with no fandom experience.

on the whole though the hosting was good, you can tell the hosts did a lot of prep on the untamed show and the controversies re. the actor and his fans/his real-life fans fandom

though, on that note, i thought the discussion was a bit muddled between these different groups of ‘fan/fandom’. i have no doubt that everybody in the discussion was clear that these were separate things and which they were talking about at any point in time, just maybe didn’t have the language to signpost/ organize it more clearly, but i could’ve used more structure imo.

• • •

i especially appreciated huanxiang’s point about how (very grossly paraphrased) there is safety and protection and freedom in nicheness and obscurity and (less grossly paraphrased) drama draws unnecessary attention from outsiders who don’t understand fandom - particularly this bit:

I would be very, very careful to link [fandom trends and phenomena to anything (LGBTQ issues etc) in real life], not that it cannot be done. But please don't do that before like, before you have finished like 100, 200 BL novels or something like that with like a full understanding of the space

understanding before judgment! please! yes!

but also — while n=1 is just that, n=1, but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t giggle a little at the undertone of the cultural value(?) that attention, standing out, is a negative thing and viewed with this like default-aversion/suspicion. idk

that said, my main thought re. this hesitation wrt people who don't belong to this community and understand the norms of this community wasn’t so much kinks and fantasies and premier zhou/chairman mao RPF, but rather not showing celebrities rpf of themselves / creators fic of their characters. neither type of wank is great, obviously, and the two types do often go hand in hand, but i’d almost rather wank be brought into the community than leak out of it

• • •

another point alluded to (not really discussed) on the pod that might be new to western media fandomgoers/ my usual mutual circle is that the untamed netflix tv show originated as original fiction published on a site that hosts both OF and FF both pay- and free-to-read. there were fan translations and all, that were taken down after official translation rights were sold (there is a lot of wank & drama on this issue. a lot.)

a 2019 censorship crackdown on the site, unrelated to (predating) the untamed/xiao zhan controversy discussed on the pod

anyway, point being - the coexistence of the two camps — intended-for-commercialization amateur fiction, presumably sanitized and lowest-common-denominator and all that, and niche not intended for wider popularity-type writing — is fascinating. good to know that they can stably coexist in some form, given how much concern there often is re. commercialization of fanworks that the former will outcompete the latter!

• • •

BY FAR THE BEST TAKE - MY FAVE part of the podcast - was dr angie baecker’s response to the question is BL (response is also applicable to slash fic) subversive?

BL is and can be an extremely subversive space. But I also think BL can replicate a lot of structures that are not subversive. I also want to draw attention to the fact that many people in the LGBTQ community, some enjoy BL, some read it, some don't, some hate it.

when you have largely straight women writing romances about gay couples without having much access to knowledge about what those relationships are like, I think that there is [huge potential] for misunderstandings about queer identities and the LGBT community

It can be really freeing to see [to see the range of different types of M/M relationships], to explore not just homosexuality, but also homosociality

But at the same time, when you have such an emphasis on the male relationships, like everyone in the Untamed is a gay man or in an M/M relationship, that often comes at the cost of erasing a lot of female characters. And so you have this drama that may have started in some ways from the lack of agency given to female characters, but then it replicates a lot of the erasure of women as centres of agency within stories, too. So, I think it can be subversive, yes. And it could be very unsubversive, actually.

definitely some food for thought there. obligatory (and i do mean it!!) preface that fandom is not meaningful activism, does not have to be, you are not a bad person for not engaging with it — but i do wonder… in my view, there’s an element of - ‘with how oppressive the power structures of mainstream media, wider society, etc can be… why not take the opportunity to push back against them a little, here in this space where we can?’

• • •

also had a laugh at dr baecker’s unfortunately prescient prediction, their hesitation, that while I feel like right now we're really on the cusp of a rising trend in terms of seeing BL represented in pop culture - we're only going to see more and more of it -

I am a little worried that there might be some kind of like a foreclosing of this space because there's always this kind of Icarus phenomenon of when something gets too popular, right, it gets clipped back a little bit. So, I do worry about that.

😬 hahaha. that aged well.

• • •

misc pieces of fun fandom drama:

whether character name tags should include diacritics/tone marks! on the side of no: convenience - up until recently, tone marks wouldn’t autocomplete correctly. and for all the incorrectness, it’s not (any more) ambiguous. on the yes side: tone marks are objectively (more) correct. does their omission amount to racism?

it seems like (some sections of?) chinese webnovel fandom apparently have the fandom culture of not messing with the creator’s stated preferences — not just canon ships, but sexual preferences (topping and bottoming). fascinating!! fandom etiquette 👀

#fandom podcast #fandom meta #the untamed #acafandom #fanthropology #fandom history

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 5 months

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So, listening to Do the Right Thing led me to listen to a few episodes of Margaret Cabourn-Smith’s podcast Crushed. I only listened a few of them that looked interesting – Isy Suttie, Danielle Ward, and Nish Kuamr. The format is talking about “crushes”, so mostly from childhood and adolescence when this sort of thing is prevalent. Nish Kumar’s episode had this exchange early on that made me like him so much I had to stop and write it down:

Margaret Cabourn Smith: First crush, who springs to mind? Nish Kumar: When I told my girlfriend I was doing this podcast, she said, “Are they expecting you to largely talk about fictional characters? Because it’s going to be an hour of you talking about Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Who wants that, Nish?”

Guy, I like Nish Kumar so much. I love that the comedian I find funnier than almost anyone else, also happens to come across as an incredibly likeable person. He’s always had significant One of Us energy when he talks about being a comedy and music fan; I think his reputation should be at least as much for his relatable nerdery as for his (also relatable) righteous political anger. Quite a lot of this came across in listen to him talk for an hour with Margaret Cabourn Smith on that podcast. I’d listen to Nish Kumar talk for an hour about anything.

But anyway, I did like that specific quote, which he proceeded to expand on later in the episode, because that is a fairly specific thing that I seem to have in common with a lot of those comedians. Josh Widdicombe once went on a panel show and explained that he spent his teenage years doing math to work out his and his friends’ chances of marrying Sarah Michelle Gellar. And there was, obviously, this. All of that. I guess coming of age while being in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer is hardly an uncommon experience for this generation, but still, I enjoy when comedians give me relatable content like talking about coming of age while being in love with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Actually, the comedian I most share this with is probably Rosie Jones, as she played Willow in that Amusical that I linked to (if you haven’t seen the pictures and videos at that link before, please do yourself a favour and click on it, it’s fucking delightful and I rewatch this video like once every few weeks), and at the end made a speech about how that show helped her know it was okay to be gay. Which is such a common story for queer woman of the millennial generation (I’ve just looked it up and Rosie Jones is only four months older than me) that it’s almost a running joke, among the ones I know, to say that of course you grew up with Willow/Tara and The L Word and your only scraps of representation, which you watched with headphones on and your door closed so no one would know you were discovering the forbidden lesbianism.

But for me, I didn’t get into Buffy the Vampire Slayer until a couple of years after it had finished airing. So it wasn’t the thing that made me realize I was gay as a teenager. I’d already done that. I’d had my few really difficult years from ages 15-18, as I worked out that that horrible word that I only ever heard in the context of students at school using it as a horrible insult applied to me. I did my journey from denial, to acceptance that I might have been attracted to like one girl one time but that’s it and it doesn’t make me gay, to realizing that some sort of LGBT label might apply to me but not knowing which one; from hating myself for that, to slowly accepting it; from insisting that I’ll never ever tell anyone, to whispering it to a couple of very close trusted friends while swearing them to secrecy because I was convinced that everyone knowing would ruin my life, to finally being okay with it not being a secret.

That coincided with when I got into Buffy – just as being gay had finally become something that wasn’t an internal struggle and conflict and source of pain, I’d figured out that this was what I was and it was okay, and I could finally start to enjoy it a bit. Buffy was the first thing I watched where I could find a female character attractive and it didn’t turn into “Oh my God this might mean I really am gay, how do I know if I’m really attracted to her or if I’m just straight and imagining it, I’ll have to add this to the data as I figure out my sexuality, and it seems to be evidence in favour of the option that scares me.” I was able to look at that show at just think, “Wow, Alyson Hannigan is hot, I’m going to enjoy looking at her. I would sure like a girlfriend named Buffy who could kill a guy with her bare hands. This high school sure is full of attractive people.”

And it was so exciting! I jumped right in to take full advantage of finally being able to feel attraction without hating myself for it, and the first thing I did with that was develop a crush on every single female character in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. To different degrees, maybe, but all of them. Including Jenny Calendar, the teacher. Including Dawn, who was a rare case of a teenage character playing by a teenage actor, but it’s okay I was a teenage myself at the time. Obviously Buffy and Willow. Faith. Oh my God I had the biggest crush on Faith. I fell in love with Tara the moment she was introduced. Anya. Cordelia. Drusilla. Even Kennedy. Faith. Did I mention Faith? I mean Eliza Dushku was gorgeous but I definitely also had a thing for the character of Faith. Then right after I finished Buffy, I watched Angel and Firefly and Dollhouse, and also fell in love with every female character on those shows.

I’ve felt mildly weird even writing this out, as when I’m 33 and have been out for years, I’m a lot more conscious of whether I’m just objectifying women who have been objectified throughout their whole careers (especially how that we’ve heard about how gross Joss Whedon was and how a lot of those women were treated badly while making the shows in question). It doesn’t seem quite as fun and exciting, and I think it’s probably a good thing to have at least a little bit of restraint in talking about which strangers I find sexually attractive. But as a teenager, after spending years with attraction to women being a source of nothing but confusion and self-hatred, I still remember how fucking cool it felt to enjoy it with no shame or hesitation whatsoever.

…I mean, obviously it was also a good TV show. There were lots of TV shows in 2008 that were full of attractive women, I could have watched any of them, I watched Buffy and the other Whedon shows because they were really good, and a huge part of why they were so good is that the very attractive women were also very good at their jobs. That seems worth acknowledging. I picked those shows to watch because they were made by people who were good at their jobs.

Anyway. Hearing Nish Kumar say that if he’s going on a podcast about teenage crushes, he’s just going to talk about Buffy the Vampire Slayer for an hour, made me remember all this and want to write it down. And made me want to say, I love Nish Kumar’s righteous political anger, but I also enjoy his relatable nerd side so much. Also, during the episode he fell over himself several times to try not to sound horribly objectifying, in exactly the way that I do when I talk about these things (including, for example, in this post). Such a relatable thing to try to find a respectful and feminist way to say “Jesus Christ Sarah Michelle Gellar was fucking hot”.

I know it's a problem for a fan to think a person they've never met is as perfect as I think Nish Kumar is. I don't need him to be perfect forever, I promise. I personally promise to not cancel Nish Kumar if it turns out he said a homophobic slur in 2006 or something. Everyone said homophobic slurs in 2006 (I was there at the time and can confirm this). But if he could manage to not do anything massively disappointing for the next while, that would be great, because he's really propping up my tiny scraps of faith in humanity these days.

While I'm at this, I may as well also say that I've been re-watching some Good Place episodes in the last few days, which is reminding me of the phase I had just after my Whedon phase, which was my obsessed with Veronica Mars phase, and involved being incalculably attracted to both Kristen Bell and the character she played. She deserved far better than Logan.

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kimdokjas · 2 years

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hi pal! we've been mutuals for a while but never really talked much haha. but I was wondering if you could give any tips or resources for learning german? (cus I think you speak it right?) I'm actually moving to germany really soon to finish my phd there. I have some very rudimentary knowledge from several attempts on duolingo in the past but I really want to learn it well, in the case I end up living there for a long time! anyway feel free to do with this message as you please

Hi dear! Ahh that’s amazing that you’re moving to Germany to finish your PhD, congratulations!! Thank you for thinking of me for this kind of advice, I’m honored <3 and of course, I’m more than happy to give you some tips! This got super long lol I hope you don’t mind!

Here are some of the things that worked for me, feel free to take them or leave them depending on what you think would work best for you! As with any language, I think the best way to learn is to try to get as much exposure as you can, so here are some tips and resources organized by topic:

MOOCs

There are a lot of online courses available for free! Here are some of the ones I’ve seen (some are borrowed from this post and I added some others I found!)

Learn German

Deutsch lernen

Deutsch Akademie

Getting Started with German (I, II, III)

The German Project

Intermediate German: The world of work

Advanced German: Language, culture and history

Deutsch im Blick

Podcasts

This depends on your proficiency level and areas of interest, but I’d recommend starting with those that are more focused on language learners! In particular I found those from Deutsche Welle really helpful.

Once you feel a bit more comfortable, you can slowly work your way up to more technical or specialized podcasts, such as those related to your PhD subject! For me this is a great way to keep my German up to speed, especially since I’m unable to practice it much where I live. Some of my recommendations are:

Slow German mit Annik Rubens, focused on everyday topics spoken slowly for easier understanding! There are even transcripts available so you can read along

Langsam gesprochene Nachrichten, news spoken slowly for easier understanding

Top-Thema mit Vokabeln, discussing current topics with a focus on vocabulary (~B1 level)

Wort der Woche short episodes focused on learning one new term per episode (~B2 level)

For more advanced podcasts, try filtering the charts for Germany and see which ones look interesting to you! I personally love science topics, so I usually listen to Spektrum der Wissenschaft and Wissen Weekly among others!

Pen pals

I think one of the best ways to improve your German is to actually practice it with other people. It might be scary at first but trust me you’ll see a huge improvement if you try it!

I particularly recommend an app called Slowly. It’s a charming concept, with the traditional pen pal experience where your letters actually take time to deliver depending on how far away you are. You can specify the languages you speak and your level of proficiency, so you will be able to match more easily with people according to your level!

(Also, I’m personally a bit shy so something I really liked about this app is that it’s practically anonymous, you can just use a nickname and an avatar and you’re all set!)

Fiction books

Here is a wonderful masterpost of fiction books in German! It contains novels such as the Lord the Rings, the Hunger Games, and even classics such as the Metamorphosis. You can find the link to the Google Drive folder here!

Audiobooks

I didn’t really listen to audiobooks when learning German, but I’ve heard they’ve really worked for some people! Here are some of the ones I’ve been recommended (although I haven’t personally used them). These are links to Audible for reference, but I’d suggest using your alternate platform of choice or try to see if your local library has any available!

Café in Berlin

German Short Stories for Beginners

Learn German with Paul Noble for Beginners

Educational books

This is the more traditional way of language learning, but to be honest this was what most helped me learn grammar! I think resources such as Duolingo are great for day-to-day practicing, but they can be a bit lacking in terms of grammar, which is where educational books come in handy.

I mostly used the Menschen books for the beginner levels and Mittelpunkt for more advanced levels. These can be a bit expensive, so I’d recommend getting used books or looking in your local library, or even online.

For example, in the Deutsch Akademie website you can practice some exercises taken from these books among others for free!

Social media

Try to incorporate German into your social media experience as much as you can!

Tumblr: some blogs I follow are @thatswhywelovegermany @official-german-puns and @inoffizielles-deutschland and you can also try to follow some studyblrs to focus on vocabulary and grammar such as @learngermanblog

Twitter/Facebook: DW Deutsch lernern, they focus on language learners and sometimes they even post simple practice exercises!

Devices

This is more of a tip than a resource but one of the first things I did was switch the language on my phone and laptop to German. This forced me to read the language every day and I even picked up some new vocabulary thanks to this! Even stuff like the directions on Google Maps were in German so it was a great way of practicing. At first I really struggled, but you just have to stick with it and eventually it gets easier, I promise!

Music

It really depends on your taste in music but here are some of the ones I listen to! I usually lean more towards indie pop/rock. But I’d recommend trying to find a specific playlist for your favorite genre, e.g. rock in German and so on!

Playlists: Deutscher Indie, Deutschpop Hits

Artists: Phela, Joris, Philipp Dittberner, Yvonne Catterfeld, Kenay, Mark Foster

Entertainment

Of course movies, TV shows, and even YouTube are a great way of practicing the language even during your downtime!

In general, what worked for me was starting out by watching stuff with German audio and English subtitles (or your language of choice), and then slowly try to shift to using German subtitles only! Anyway I’ll try to recommend one of each:

TV shows: Dark on Netflix, great show and there’s really not a lot of dialogue so it’s good for a beginner/intermediate level!

Movies: Run Lola Run (1998), a thriller movie with a time loop concept

YouTubers: here is a Reddit masterpost of German-speaking YouTubers! I personally started out watching Gronkh which is a gaming channel. His Life is Strange let’s play has the game in English and commentary in German so it’s a good way to start out!

~~~

I hope some of these resources are useful, dear! As I mentioned, in the end you’re the one that knows what works best for you! But these are just some tips and resources that I personally found useful.

Either way, once you’re actually in Germany I promise you’ll see that your progress will increase exponentially just by simply listening and speaking the language daily in places like the supermarket, restaurants, etc. But you can always try to cover all your bases with additional resources such as these ones!

Again, hope this is helpful and please let me know how your journey goes! I’m excited to hear all about it :D

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anakinskywalkerog · 1 year

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hi,

just wondering, in reference to an earlier anon post, do you know which broad ideas podcast episode they were talking about? I just started listening to Rachel's podcast but I would love to hear about the trampoline party story too. thanks so much if you can help!

hey y’all i have been super swamped which is why i haven’t been posting and anyway i haven’t listened yet—

HELP THIS ANON OUT, which broad ideas episode mentions the Hayden trampoline story? please and thank you 🙏

#hayden christensen #rachel bilson #rachel and hayden #broad ideas #answered asks

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lesbiancolumbo · 2 years

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Hi!

I have a question for you but I am a bit terrified bc you are an icon of good taste on films but I have to dare...

What do you think about Ferris Bueller's day off?

Premise: I liked it, it's a silly and enjoyable movie and I know that in the current situation we can't have a movie like that, even if I can't really the reason (maybe the edginess and the irony that are everywhere now)

hi! well the first thing i want to say is please don’t feel terrified to approach or talk to me or ask me anything. i won’t bite you… i promise i’m a relatively chill person (i know historically the most unchill people are the ones that say this, but trust me).

onto your question, though… i love ferris bueller, though i haven’t seen it in many years. i’m cooler on john hughes than most people in my age group but i do love this one and probably always will. i watched it as a kid and have been to a lot of the places they go to in chicago. silly and enjoyable is a good way to put it tbh….. when i was young my grandmother used to tell me that not every movie needed to be deep. sometimes it just had to be “a nice time” and that’s what FB does for me. like it’s a very good “i’m home sick from school/work and it’s on TV” watch. my wife and i love alan ruck and i quote a lot of his lines a lot - when i was a kid i used to go around yelling PARDON MY FRENCH, BUT YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE in his grown up voice which my parents hated but anyways.

to your second point…. i don’t think it’s that we can’t have a movie like that anymore, but that it just wouldn’t have the impact the movie had back in 1986. like yes the edginess and irony is pretty done to this point but ironically before you sent this i was already thinking about FB while listening to the only film podcast i listen to talking about Soderbergh and his use of fourth wall breaking in one of his recent films and how it was either better or worse than adam mckay’s use of it in the big short (i honestly wasn’t paying attention). but anyways what i was thinking about was the cultural impact FB had and how many movies since have played with the fourth wall, etc. if you made FB in this day and age it just wouldn’t be unique and exciting or fresh as it had been when it originally came out.

and like, i think that’s something we need to consider when looking back at movies with huge cultural impact…. like it’s not always WHAT they do but WHEN they do it. movies have been breaking the fourth wall since the invention of cinema but FB was just in the right place at the right time and it clicked in pop culture. which, i mean i’m not mad about that, i think it’s a pretty cool film and while not everything about it has aged great (no film ages 100% well so i don’t knock it for that) i think it’s a nice, fun time and alan ruck is (and i cannot stress this enough) an ICON.

#asks #i hope this was coherent enough for you anon i had a lot of thoughts bouncing around in my noggin lol

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significant-ace-nnoyance · 2 years

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I just hit post limit 😭😭😭 So now I'm in your askbox. How are you doing? Have you been watching or reading anything recently?

HAHAHA RIP 💀 istg tumblr is lowkey passive aggressive attacking me for having no life outside of this app I KNOW I KNOW IM GAY AND ALONE AND BASICALLY LIVE HERE LEAVE ME ALONE

ANYWAYS i am doing so not wonderfully well but i have been tumblring the anxiety away so it’s all good 😭😭 i haven’t gotten i watch something on my own in a bit because ✨school✨ but i did just start watching schitts creek with my mom lol and ofc reading byler fics until 1am for no reason AND I SPENT LIKE AN HOUR LAST NIGHT TRYNA FIND AN ELUMAX OR ELMAX FIC OMFG IF ANYONE HAS RECS PLEASE PLESE PLEASE SEND

and ofc i’ve been rereading random six of crows chapters and relistening to my fav podcast (seaweed brain!!!!! it’s gay and chaos and thoughtfulness and wholesome and burnt out gifted kids and critical literary analysis of pjo all wrapped up in one podcast. literally the reason i am back in my percabeth percy jackson phase i reCOMMEND don’t start with the first few episodes because that’s before guests and they’re a little slower so it took me a bit to get into them but the MoA episodes are all golden ofc so i’d recommend starting there and getting to know the podcast and then going back to listen to the precious books??? carter and erica are my adoptive parents atp also it’s such a great way to re-examine and basically reread all the rick series but like gay and better ahhh i relisten to my fav episodes over and over they are my comfort everything i basically have them memorized ok i’ll stop talking :) GO LISTEN if u want/are interested thou shalt not regret)

anyways YES I AM DOING WELL AS WELL CAN BE I HOPE U ARE DOING WELL TOO MY FRIEND HOPEFULLY TUMBLR LETS U CONTINUE ACE SCREAMING SOON 🙏🙏🙏 TY FOR LISTENING TO MY OWN VERY LONG ACE SCREAMING TO YOUR SIMPLE QUESTION <3

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madewithonerib · 11 months

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3.] JESUS Prime Example for Persevering

And now here's Tim & Kathy Keller for a short time of Q&A on today's meditation going thru difficulty.

And even tragic times and coming out on the other side with nothing to show for it seems to me to be the ultimate waste.

I mean you talked about people who try to just put their mind somewhere else. I find in myself, other people, there's a tendency to just put your head down & grit your teeth.

And wait for it to be over, rather than using it as a learning opportunity. Come up with some things that people can do to make a tragic time—or bad time into a learning experience.

The reason I ask this is because we're told in Scripture we're supposed to comfort other people with a comfort that we received so if we didn't receive any comfort..

If we haven't done anything to amass comfort —then we can not share out to other people; then we've just wasted the whole thing & it's doubly tragic.

So how do you amass those things that you're going to be able to share with other people?

———————————————————— I actually think that the main way you do that is you should be doing as a Christian anyway. ————————————————————

But under the suffering—so it's a little bit like the, what you'll often see before a batter gets up into the batting box, he won't be just have a metal bat or some other bat..

It's something heavier, so that when he finally sheds all the heaviness & he goes back to just having the bat, will feel very light in his hands

The practice bat is weighted that's right & then the real one is light; you see how he has a real bat, the one he's really gonna use along with the practice bats

And so when you've just read the Bible, pray, go to Church, take the sacrament, reach out, & help people under your suffering..

It just feels awful & yet Paul says our slight and momentary affliction is achieving us an eternal weight of glory—which far outweighs them all & right before he says that though our outer body is wasting away.

............................................................................... Or inwardly we're being renewed every day and what that simply means, I think is that when you just do the normal things.. ...............................................................................

Use the means of grace to obey GOD, to be kind to other people—especially reading Scripture & especially the Psalms & praying when you have that practice bat on you.

Then when it goes away, you're gonna find and I have grown—I have become more patient I have become more caring, I've become more loving..

Because what's happening is your inner spiritual person's being developed, is like lifting weights in the gym.

Exactly like that, you feel weaker, you feel worse, you feel terrible. Exactly like I don't like this & yet you're actually getting stronger.

Okay if you found today's meditation encouraging please subscribe below & be sure to share it with a friend to encourage them as well & if you'd like to hear more teachings by Timothy Keller you can listen to new sermons every week at Gospel & life.com slash podcast

Thanks again for watching Gospel & life

Don't Waste Your Sorrows 1,2,3 | Timothy J. Keller [Psalm 126:1-6]

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dannydehek · 2 years

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Is HyperNation a Scam or Legit? - Afrik Lad (Guest) Danny de Hek (Host) on the WHAT : DE HEK Podcast

Transcribed using Descript DANNY : DE HEK: I've got this opportunity of a lifetime and I think it would be really good for you and your family. It's an investment opportunity and I don't want you to miss out. It's called HyperNation. It says Afrik Lad: Scam, Scam, Scam. For anyone watching these videos, people out there, there is no easy way to be coming a millionaire. There's not easy to make money, so please don't get yourself thought off with people who come and tell you, you'll make you becoming a in six months or a year or two years time. It is certainly, I can assure you a hundred percent that it is not that easy. So please do not do that and carefully before you get into any kind of business like that, somebody gonna to police or anything. In fact, I would suggest if somebody promise you, they cannot just say no. DANNY : DE HEK: Welcome to the What the Heck podcast. I'm your host. I'm Danny de Hek, and today I've got a special guest called the Afric Lad, who's a budding YouTuber, and he's gonna tell us about himself and why he's sticking his neck out, trying to help people from not investing in Ponzi schemes. But I thought, I haven't done a YouTube and a podcast for a while, and I thought I'd bring back the old 12 questions with what to hit. So welcome along to the Podcast and also YouTube channel. How you doing? Afrik Lad: Yes, I'm very well. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me here, Mr. Danny de Hek. Listen man, I'm, I'm, I'm just excited for this one. I think it's DANNY : DE HEK: gonna be great. Ah, good stuff. Now what, whereabouts in the world are you? I'm in New Zealand. You're, you're at Sunday? I'm in quarter past 10 and I'm, no, you're a Saturday at quarter past 10 at night, and I'm Sunday morning at quarter past 10. We're 12 hours apart. Afrik Lad: Yeah. Well I'm, yeah, I'm actually here Saturday. Yeah, in the uk. So yeah, it's, the world is interesting. Isn't in it . It's late here. People are there where some people are still up with London. People don't sleep here anyway, but you know what I mean. It's late. You are early. There you go. . DANNY : DE HEK: I'll tell you about that one other day. Interesting enough because I live in the future, I can tell you the lotto ticket numbers. Would you like to know? Afrik Lad: Listen, man, this is a great one. This one, this is how people should winning the monies, million DANNY : DE HEK: more chances winning the lottery than winning money on Ponzi schemes. I'll tell you exactly. All right. Before people get to know you, I've got, I've got 12 random questions. I don't even know what they are. The first question I just hit my microphone. That was not good. Aside from necessities, what's one thing you could never go? You, Oh, sorry. Here we go. What's one thing you could not go a day without? One thing that Afrik Lad: could not go a day without? Yep. Wow. That's a very serious question, I think. Hmm. I think what I would say is meditation. Meditation. Good man. Yeah. And what I mean by that, I don't mean sitting still on meditation. I know what people who think meditation means. You see, you haven't got, you're DANNY : DE HEK: not sitting on a yoga mat. Afrik Lad: No, I haven't. I haven't got that. No. Right. My meditation is either when I'm just about to go to bed, lay in bed, or sometimes when I'm riding my bicycle around, I could be riding my bicycle to somewhere, maybe to work in the morning. I'm going through stuff, thinking about stuff, processing things, you know, giving myself some positive vibe for the day. That is one thing that I certainly love to do almost every day. I have to do one, one of those mornings and evenings, or sometimes just in the evenings. DANNY : DE HEK: That's good. I think that's pretty entrepreneurial in a way, because you are always thinking of a way to find a solution to a problem analyzing everything continuously. You've got, you've got our spot on. Yeah, I think we've both, we've both probably got adhd. That could be the other technical name for it, but well, let's not go there today. All right. Question number two. Where do you see businesses, Oh, this is goody. Where do you see businesses of the future? Are we gonna beis, What do you think? Afrik Lad: But it looks like I've just been reading the other guy, creating a robot in, what's his name? The rich dude. Oh, looking like all human, whatever. But yeah. I think for sure there's gonna be a lot of technology going, even more technology, more improving. So that's one area of business. But I have a feeling that businesses are diversifying as well. And it could be from any angle, but also it comes down to where you live. Yeah. What technology you have, how you use it, what's, how you've been trained. If you have the, the skills. So for example, in the West where I live, you see that a lot of things have been technology ties. That's what I would use. It's in technology. But also by coming from Africa. You can find, you find that quickly that a lot of people are still far behind in terms of technology. So we are still using the traditional methods for businesses running, but again, that comes down to infrastructure where you live. Sector sector. For me personally, I I, I'm going with both as in the traditional business side of things, without technology, hence on doing farming upcountry, but also, Obviously I work in it as well, so I go with the technological side of things as well, because that's where it looks that we're heading. Yeah. We, we've been getting electronics, vehicle driverless vehicles, All sorts is happening. So people have to be tuned up, be educated, and be smart to get into that world sooner than later. So you can control it or well, maybe not control it, but you, you know how to handle it basically. DANNY : DE HEK: Yeah. Interesting enough, when you said diversification, I built a house oh, 14 years ago, and they brought in a guy to do the foundations. Then they brought in a guy just to do the framing, and then they brought in, you know, a window guy, you know, every, the jer, the painter, everyone was outsourced and that, like the olden days used to have one tra doing the whole lot from start to finish. Yeah. And is it like that in Africa? Yeah. Afrik Lad: Yeah, In Africa you get like, again, If you go to my mom's village, for example, in my hometown, yes, you have one dude who build the house up. You know, I mean they, they, they, in fact, we, that's what I mean by the technology is different there. They use like mode bricks or those mode that puts more and puts frames, put more around there. Somebody who does build the whole thing, him or his and his wife, or him and his son, or just him doing it. They don't have to bring special people. But of course in the city and most especially the advanced African countries, they develop the ones that are, are more advanced than the others. In terms of development, they do simulating like this as well. They have a contractor where then contractor, they have somebody who builds the tile in somebody who does the windows and somebody who does the bricks and somebody who does whatever, the plastic, the painting sector, all those kind of different things there. But that's for mainly cities up country is completely different. Yeah. DANNY : DE HEK: So you reckon Elon Musk might have a bit of a trouble cause AI building houses. Afrik Lad: Listen, that guy looks like he's taking over the world. He's doing everything. He's in to the moon now or whatever he call he's going to space. DANNY : DE HEK: Yeah, no, he's going to Mars. I think that's where the ecosystem is heading. I was wondering. He is not into that. Thank goodness he hasn't started his own metaverse. Be okay. What what do you most regret not having done? What would you most regret not having done by the end of your life? That could be a bit morbid. I know you're in good health. I hope you're in good health. I Afrik Lad: am in good, good health so far. You know, touch would, and thank God for that. What if I have not done that before I go to my grave? What would I mostly regrets? Huh? That's a tough one because for me, I, I don't bother, I don't worry much about regrets. I don't see that, if anything that I haven't done, that's it, It wasn't meant to be and I haven't done it. I, that's why I try now, I try to do everything in my power that's I can. Anything that I know I can do, I try to do it. If I can't do it, Or I made a mistake, I didn't do it. I don't see that as a lesson and learn, but if we are gonna talk about something that might regret that I didn't do, I go to my degree without doing it. It's probably taking my family to my hometown. That's probably one thing. Regret if I, if I don't, if I could not take my kids to my hometown, then certainly I'll regret that one. Cause I want them to go there, especially with all what I'm doing there. I want 'em to go, I want 'em to connect. I want them to, even when I'm gone to be there, feel like they're part of their as well. Because obviously they are, they, they from there. Yeah. DANNY : DE HEK: I I was hoping you weren't gonna say by yourself a membership with HyperNation, but I'm glad you didn't . Sorry, had to Afrik Lad: say that. Maybe that's, maybe that's one thing I'll definitely regret not buying . Yeah. DANNY : DE HEK: Now this, this. This next question's a bit basic for Kiwis which is New Zealanders. But for you, I'd be quite interesting to know. How many languages do you speak? Afrik Lad: I speak up to three right now. Up to three? Yeah. Yeah, So it's not much. Well basically, obviously speak English. I speak Creole. Creole is what we spoke, what we speak in Israel, mainly well over the country, but mainly in Free Town. Then I speak my mom's language, which is Limbal as well. So those three I speak. DANNY : DE HEK: Yeah. Is your mom got a different language? Afrik Lad: My mom's got a different language. Yes, I am. I'm a mixed person as well, by the way. So my mom definitely speaks a different language. Yeah, that different language from different ethnicity. Cause we have multiple, like it's a mixture. DANNY : DE HEK: Yeah. We don't get that so much over here, so that's pretty cool. Yeah. Okay. Here, here's a similar question, but as I said, they're all random. Where do you see yourself in five years time? Five Afrik Lad: years time. I, My goal is , That's a tricky one. Where the world is going. Probably join HyperNation . DANNY : DE HEK: You'll be with Mr. H. Afrik Lad: Yeah, probably me, Mr. H in five years time. Yeah. You have your mouth. Yeah. No, but in five years time, what I want to be able to do, or where I wanna be five years time, is I want to for, I mean, I probably told you or not, I'm doing, I started real estate business back home, so five years from now, I want to be able to have two more properties built. And then I want to be able to have the rice, the farm extended to, like I mentioned to you, that I want to have the beans, I want to have peanuts. I want, basically, I want to make sure my farmers expanded to three or four more different crops. I wanna have two more properties built, and then I'm able to, I want to also spend longer back home. I in six months there and six months here. That's, that's the balance I want to have in five years DANNY : DE HEK: time. That sounds really cool, man. Well I did have another question that come to mind when you're talking. How old are you mate? . Afrik Lad: I am definitely the very old. Are you? DANNY : DE HEK: You dunno how old I am then. You must think of granddad. Granddad. I am. Afrik Lad: I I started to let you guess that, but I, I will say to you for sure that I am above DANNY : DE HEK: 30. Oh, about 30. I am above that. Oh, you are? Oh, right. Yeah. I was going 29, so yeah, I'm, I'll go 33. That's my heart. Afrik Lad: It's still not correct. I think you need to go slightly up. Oh right. DANNY : DE HEK: Okay. 31 . Afrik Lad: 31. You said 33. I said go up. You went down. DANNY : DE HEK: Oh, right. I'm no good. See, I told you no good numbers. It's usually words. No no. 34 then. Sorry, Afrik Lad: 34. No, I'm all than I'm, I'm 40. DANNY : DE HEK: Hey. Oh, you're ancient mate. It's just, say again. I'm 53. No, I'm 52. I forget. I think I'm, you know, you age and I'm, I'm 52. Well, funny enough, don't, I was brought up in a religious cult and I used to be a Jehovah's Witness, and we never celebrated birthdays, so, Right. I, I don't keep track of my birthdays really? I literally have to think. I was born in 1970 and then I think, what year is it? And it's 2022. Then I work it out that way. like that. All right, here we go. Another question. What form of public transport do you prefer? And I've got a few options here. We've got ear, boat, train, bus, car. But you might have a took talk. I don't know. Do you have took talks? What? Do you have G Gs you? No, Never Africa. Afrik Lad: Oh, well, well, in Sierra Leon, my country, we have talk talks here as we call them. KK. We have bikes, the ocas, they call them Okada, and of course we have taxis. And so now when you talk of the by preferred form of transportation there, it now comes down to what time of the day, what you know, I mean, and the traffic. So the best form of transportation around, usually it's the Took talks the kk, right? Yeah. For me anyway, the reason being is airy because it's not locked. Everywhere's airy. Oh. And it's kind little protected compared to the bike. If you drive ride a bike, you're like exposed. And I think that's are reckless when the ride around as well. But there's traffic because the traffic, the bike is probably a good form to travel because then you get past the traffic DANNY : DE HEK: interest enough, I was in Bangladesh and they had cgs and I didn't know why they called them cgs, but then I realized that was, well they told me it was cause the guests that they run on, so. So why are they called kk? Kk, KK. Yeah. What's that stand for? ? Afrik Lad: I have no idea. Cause I don't even think that name originated from Sierra Leon. And I think you originally from somewhere in Nigeria or somewhere. I don't know, but it's called Okay. I dunno. I was in there when it started, when this form DANNY : DE HEK: of, Oh you need to, you need to research that my friend. You need to figure that out. That's Afrik Lad: a good idea actually. But when I travel back to Leon each time, that's when it became popular. KK and then the bikes, Okada, that's that name definitely originated from Nigeria or that's how the In Nigeria. Yeah. Cause in DANNY : DE HEK: Thailand they have took Afrik Lad: talks. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't have a clue what Okada means, but again, when that whole KK oat thing started, I wasn't in anymore. I left long time ago, but I do go every year, so, and twice a year sometimes. So I get to use them, but hey, that's how they travel there. They cars. Of course. I prefer the vehicles at night. Late nights when I want to go places, of course I use the car. But during when you took a block of traffic, KK is quicker or bike is quicker. DANNY : DE HEK: Yeah, I'm trying to think what I like. I mean air. I think airplanes are been an airplane anywhere time, but I mean that's pretty luxury and a very expensive hold up and doesn't stop my dog. Dogs biting a cable in your bed. the light. Look boys naughty. Chew on the cable. Don't chew on the cables. All right, I think we've had that conversation now. All right, so is your glass half full or half empty? The answer there, I'll let you answer . Afrik Lad: I think my glass, I will say, if I'm honest with you, this glass half will half empty thing. It's not, I don't worry about it. It's not my thing for me. I just carry on. So I don't honestly know what the difference I've notice sat and say, Okay, what's the difference between half full, half empty? What's that? What does that mean? Even I don't even have, All I know is some people, I think when they say half full, does that mean they still go somewhere to go? Something like that. And then half empty. What does it mean? I don't have a clue. DANNY : DE HEK: Oh, it just means, are you positive or a negative? Ancy. , Yeah. I see. Well, I tell, tell you what though. Sorry mate. You go. Afrik Lad: No, I like to consider myself as very positive. I always have a, I have positive mindsets in life and yeah, it just, with how I do things, I like to be very positive. That doesn't mean of course I don't stop and check and critique certain things, but I like to have a go at things and do them and go for DANNY : DE HEK: them. Really? No, that's good. I had a young girl come along to my, one of my meetings on Thursday. Yeah. And she basically had been reading a lot of, Help books. And she said she was she, You need to know your why. And I'm going, Yeah, I'm 53. I've read a lot of self books. I've gone to a lot of courses and she was only, I think she was 29, but I think at that age you need to go through, you know, they repeat a lot of the stuff you've heard from Rich Dad, Poor Dad stuff and and a lot of that, that half glass full thing and all that. I'm sort of, yeah, I've sort of heard it all before , like, I get the positive, how to keep the mindset and blah, blah, blah. But that's what I think of when I hear some of those sometimes. Yeah. Afrik Lad: But sometimes that's how they get, you know, they try to ask you these stupid questions. So no way to just try to basically try to read you and you see something they know. Okay, that's the one we can go for for that person. You know, something like that. DANNY : DE HEK: You've got it. All right. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? I think it's gonna be home with your Afrik Lad: mum. I'm guessing it's gonna be absolutely home. That's exactly my, where we are living home. It's, it's warmer. Yeah, it's much more, yeah, it's warmer. People are more friendly. You know, I, I don't live too far from the beach. DANNY : DE HEK: So whereabouts are you at the moment? Are you in the uk? I am in Afrik Lad: the uk. Yeah. DANNY : DE HEK: Yeah, I'm right now. Read the full article

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survivorraccooncity2 · 2 years

Text

Cast Reveal #3 - Tricell

Please welcome the Tricell Tribe, named after a company allegedly against bioterrorism but secretly works in the shadow to sell biohazardous materials on the black market. The color is #005C7A

Here is the cast:

CLLIFTONE (29, He/Him)

Hi guys! I’m a gamer and photographer from Charlotte, NC. I have a huge love for Survivor and Big Brother

Timezone: EST

Fun Fact: Portrait Photographer

Favorite Media: Dead Set. A show that combines my two favorite things, Big Brother and zombies.

Favorite Food: Sesame Chicken

Expected Placement: 15th

ELS (16, Any - They/He/She)

Hey guys!! My name is Els and I’m 16 (seventeen on the 8th of June!!) and I’m so excited to be playing with y’all! I love Theatre and debate and right now I’m actually working a kids theatre camp as a volunteer! I’m super excited to get to know everyone :)

Timezone: EST

Fun Fact: I don’t have a sense of smell (and it’s not even due to covid)!

Favorite Media: I have to go with almost any reality competition show (blown away, big flower fight, glow up)

Favorite Food: GRILLED CHEESE AND FRIES, pretty much makes up 75% of my diet anyways as a super picky vegetarian

Expected Placement: 9 seems to be my (un)lucky number in ORGs so I’ll go with that! Although who knows, there are so many different variables that go into it

JULIA (67, She/Her)

I am a Survivor show fan. I always imagined myself on the show but would need so many accommodations - electricity, a refrigerator, a soft bed or hammock at least and bottled water to name a few, and now, my rollator and / or a soft place to sit, so i never applied. I am a retired public policy researcher, but am a real life survivor of multiple hardships, so Im already a kick a-- winner, and i aint afraid of a few... raccoons!

Timezone: EST

Fun Fact: Fun fact about me!!! I can be snarky and flippant sometimes, and I have released two holiday ballads, a lifelong dream to produce and record some of my original songs

Favorite Media: I LOVE Science fiction - books, movies, Tom Cruise sy fy movies, old, new, Ellesium, Battlestar Gallactica, Dont Look Up...Into The Night, Eureka ...i could go on...

Favorite Food: Watermelon

Expected Placement: Between 1 and 5

MOTH (18, She/They)

Hello! My name is Moth. I’m 18 years old and this is my… seventh org? I’ve played 7 times and never won so who knows what my actual skill level is. I do theatre, listen to podcasts and work at a beloved fried chicken restaurant. Can’t wait to meet y’all!

Timezone: MST

Fun Fact: I was in two productions in May: Theory of Relativity, performed at my school. and Working: A Musical, performed at one of my cities local theaters

Favorite Media: The Adventure Zone. (Both the graphic novels and the podcast)

Favorite Food: Salad. You can make anything into a salad with enough effort

Expected Placement: 7th. I think that’s about my average placement

NAVI (25, She/Her)

Hello, I’m Navi. I’m 25 years old from Canada, and I work in broadcast communications. I haven’t really played an ORG like this before, so I don’t really know what to expect or how things will go per say, but I’m very excited to try it and out and see what it’s all about. Plus I like the Resident Evil theme to this season (I dunno are seasons a thing in ORGs?).

Timezone: CST

Fun Fact: This ORG is gonna be the first time I ever use Skype lmao.

Favorite Media: I really like the movie Whiplash.

Favorite Food: Dosa and sambar

Expected Placement: Maybe 17th or 16th?

TONY (33, He/Him)

Who can paste two thumbs-up emojis? 👍 This guy.👍 I'm a complete trivia nerd with a love of cheesy puns and one-liners. When I'm not neck-deep in spreadsheets from work, I'm looking out for new local restaurants or playing boardgames with friends. I like all things bitter - coffee, chocolate, whiskey, and the tears of my enemies. Looking forward to the game!

Timezone: CST

Fun Fact: I worked on a televised quiz show in college, writing questions and acting as behind-the-scenes judge.

Favorite Media: The Once and Future King by T. H. White

Favorite Food: Ice Cream

Expected Placement: 7

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depressedacadamia · 3 years

Text

Blood will have blood

Summary: Being a healer during a war was a job that only few could handle- seeing soldiers who risk their lives was not for the weak. But Will questions everything as a powerful but very young demigod is about to die before his very eyes.

A/N: Day two of Will solace's bday week!!! I know I could have written another 3 Days in the infirmary fic but I thought I'd give some angst because I haven't done it in a while and I listened to somone talk about Patroclus' death; it was in the Podcast Let's talk about myths, baby! It's suuppperrr good but that episode had me close to tears. Thnks to @solangeloweek AND THIS IS REVENGE FOR THAT REALLY GOOD BUT SAD FIC BY MY FRIEND; THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE. Anyways, love from me <3 !!

Read on A03 Masterlist

“Move!” Will yelled as he hastily brought medical supplies to the healer who was working on fixing someone’s foot which had been sliced off.

“Fucking Gods, sending their kids to fight their battles, They don't know when to stop, do they?” Will gritted out aggressively as he crouched down by his patient- a powerful but young demigod who had been severely injured in a vicious fight.

Will washed the bloody cloth in the water and produced a clean one, at which he gently cleaned the wounds. He could feel their life force thinning, their heart beating softer and softer. He had given the demigod all he could- ambrosia, nectar and as much treatment as he could offer; but they were in a war- he couldn't dwell too much on the patients who he couldn’t save.

“If you don't require urgent treatment, you need to leave,” Will announced. “ Starting now, we are under triage. Red patients will immediately be accepted, yellow will have to wait- the walking wounded will have to consult their nearest field medic. I repeat, As of now, we are in triage!”

“Will, a new wave of patients are going to come soon- apparently the enemies have launched a fresh attack and our side wasn't prepared,” Kayla mumbled, handing out supplies to the healers. Will groaned but his frustration was quickly overcome with worry: how would his friends on the frontline fare with this fresh assault?

He worried for some of his siblings who had chosen to be soldiers over healers, he worried for people like Annabeth Chase and Piper Mclean- He even worried over Percy Jackson.

But most of all he worried over Nico Di Angelo. He was not concerned over Nico dying; he knew his boyfriend very well and the chance that he’d let someone else kill him was practically impossible. But he did fear Nico overworking himself, it was almost unavoidable.

Alas, he couldn’t worry about his boyfriend, he was in a war after all and he had to focus on his job- to heal the others.

“Will-” An urgent voice tugged him from his thoughts. “ Isn’t there anything else you can do for them?” The soldier pointed at his wounded younger sibling. His bruised, bloody face was contorted into a grim expression as his hand gripped the hand of the dying soldier.

“We can’t do anymore,” Kayla informed sadly. But as Will watched the young patient slowly being dragged to Thanatos, he couldn't help but feel that it wasn't this child's time yet- that's what they were, a child.

They were fighting a war, children were fighting a war while the almighty sat in their thrones above and watched it as if it were simply a film. Innocent children like the one beside Will were dying and.. And - and the gods just expected them to continue.

“There is something I can try,” Will started quietly. “But I can’t guarantee that it will work.”

“Will, you can’t-” Kayla quickly cut in. “You know how draining it is on your body and you've never tried it on somebody with such grave injuries before.”

“But I can still try,” Will told Kayla. His mind was made up- if his friends were out there risking their lives on the battlefield, this was the least he could do; risk his life to save this innocent, and powerful demigod. If this went right, their quick recovery would be essential to winning.

Kayla knew that nothing could stop Will as he peeled off his gloves and placed his hands onto the cold skin of the soldier. Will’s hands danced slowly around the bloodstained chest and abdomen of the soldier and every once in a while, his fingertips would accidentally brush against the wounds dipping the tips of his nails in a crimson substance that was still warm.

He glowed, as he healed- he always did. But his hands felt warmer than usual and when he felt it was time, he pressed his hands into the bloody wound that no longer poured blood- for there was no blood to pour. Wil drained himself, trying to heal what he could but it was to no avail- this child had died. There was nothing Will could give.

But he refused to let this be it- It couldn't be! The Gods couldn't let this child die, they were not a soldier- they were a child for god's sake!

So after he had given everything- all the healing power that he had been blessed with by his father, he found himself with his hands pressed into the lifeless body of the child. And slowly, as he weeped over their corpse, with every drip of his tears, he felt a little more of life ease into the child again. And so he bellowed.

He cried and let the tears pour into the wounds, healing, no- bringing the child back to life. They steamed down his face as he mourned as grievers do. He clutched at the child’s chest that no longer beat and he felt the life before his grow stronger. He heard a little ‘ba-dum’.

Then, the soldier opened their eyes and took a deep inhale.

There was clapping and laughter and crying as people across the infirmary watched the miracle being performed by the Head Healer.

Will felt a smile across his face. While he felt weak, so very weak, he felt pride as he looked at the child, who bleated as they choked air into their lungs like a new born baby goat, their cheeks rosy again.

And then he felt pain. Excruciating pain. It twisted and burned. He heard screaming, the scream of a mother who has lost their child before realising that it was his own voice- his hands, once covered in the blood of the child shot to clutch at his chest only to feel a warm thick liquid coat his hands like water running out of a tap.

He gasped for air. Urgent hands were on him, lifting him onto a stretcher as people immediately fell silent. The room, celebrating moments ago, fell into a trance watching. The healers worked desperately, tearing open Will’s clothes, working as fast as they could.

Will coughed and coughed and as the blood stained his lips he let out a small smile. His small smile turned into a laugh covered with his coughing which only forced up more of the substance as it trickled slowly down his chin.

“Will? Will?” Kayla asked desperately, watching him choke. His lips turned crooked as his face paled, displaying his freckles dusted across his nose and cheeks.

“Please frame these last words: Fuck the Gods,” He whispered, content with his last moments before he suddenly shot open his eyes as he recalled that he had forgotten something. “ Oh- and tell Nico that I love him and that jazz.”

His voice was weak and the blood began to dry on his hands.

“Tell me what?” A confused, alarmed and horrified voice echoed from the other side of infirmary belonging to a warrior holding their helmet under their arm and stygian iron sword in their hand.

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nikethestatue · 3 years

Text

La Dolce Vita

Part II

On the Wings of Desire

Warnings: Language

(I had to split this chapter into two because it was getting too long. Hence, no sexy times, but angst galore) Comments and reblogs and likes are always appreciated! Let me know what you think.

Chapter One is here

Two Years Ago

Azriel

Azriel pulled up to the flower shop.

There was a surprise that he wanted to share with Elain, and like a young boy on his first date, he was both excited and nervous. But he hoped that she’d like it. Funny how he still got a little nervous with her, exuberant even.

It’s been three months since they’ve met and he loved every minute that they’d spent together. The nature of their relationship was a little undefined, but he didn’t care. So what if they weren’t ‘dating’? So there weren’t official dinners and outings, to show only the best part of each other to one another? They moved beyond that right away. They simply loved being together. It was inexplicable, how quickly it happened, how easy it was between the two of them, but Azriel could never get enough of Elain.

He came to her shop whenever he wanted, helped her out, hung out with her, and she went to the garage to meet him. If he was busy and couldn’t meet with her, she closed her shop for lunch, and brought him a sandwich, so they could eat together. He loved it, even if he actually had a restaurant and a bar on premises and she technically didn’t need to buy him food. But there was something special about her coming up the stairs to his office, dressed in one of her cute, flowery dresses and heels. Every time it was a different sandwich, a different drink and a different snack—sometimes a cookie, or good chocolate, or weird chips, or a full-on pastry with cream and ganache and whatnot. He developed a strange fascination with his lunch options, never knowing what it would be and eagerly anticipating it.

Sometimes, he took her on long rides—one of their favourite past times. If he knew that she was up to her eyeballs with orders, since this was summer and it seemed like everyone was getting married, he would bring her takeout to the shop, and they’d sit and arrange flowers until the wee hours. When things calmed down, and there was a quiet evening ahead, she usually invited him to come and eat at her place. They cooked together, drank wine, and then went for a walk.

They haven’t had a kiss yet.

Did it bother him? He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t dream of Elain all the time, of her supple, soft body, of how she’d look naked, of how she’d feel when he filled her, what sounds she’d make, what her face would look like when she climaxed around him? Was she a screamer? A beggar? Was she loud or quiet and shy?

She never spoke of her past boyfriends, so he had no idea of how many men she’s been with. Secretly, he hoped that it wasn’t too many. Maybe it was some male thing, but the idea of her with another man, the thought of someone else touching her, making her moan, making her love—it didn’t please him at all. He thought that he was more modern, more advanced in his thinking—and usually he was—but in this case, he was struggling with accepting Elain wrapped around some other male.

Surprisingly, even though it wasn’t even 6 pm yet, the flowers that usually spilled outside the shop were not gracing the pavement and the shop looked closed for the day. But Azriel went and knocked on the glass door anyway, seeing as there was some light coming from Elain’s office in the back. There was no response, but he knocked even harder, almost banging, until he heard Elain’s muffled voice yelling, “we are closed!”

“Laney, open up! It’s me!”

A few moments later, Elain appeared in the darkness and then the door opened.

And his jaw almost dropped.

She stood in front of him, wearing a slinky, satin, cobalt dress that looked almost like lingerie. Of modest length, it nevertheless emphasized her breasts very enticingly: soft and full, and pushed together just enough to create a hint of delicious cleavage. A simple set of glittering silver chains nestled seductively in that yummy valley between her breasts. One bare foot was clad in a strappy silver sandal, while she held the other, and jumped awkwardly on one foot, balancing herself on the doorframe. Her hair was curled and arranged over one naked shoulder.

He struggled to keep his breath from whooshing loudly.

“Whoa…”

“Hi Az,” she sounded…uncomfortable.

“Hey you. Hot date?” he chuckled, eyes gliding from her pretty toes up to her eyes.

Her throat bobbed and she didn’t answer.

Shit.

He fought the urge to cross his arms on his chest. But then he’d look threatening, towering over her, much like his father did when he was in one of his moods. Azriel swore to himself long ago to never, ever cross his arms with women.

“I didn’t think you’d be coming over,” she began, voice wobbling.

“So, you figured that you could sneak out?” he spat unkindly.

“I am not sneaking out!” she snapped, flushed and defiant. “I am going out,”

“With whom?” he demanded.

He and Elain had never fought. Never even disagreed.

They laughed together. They joked and discussed. They argued over books and movies. They talked about design, food and travel, places they wanted to visit, and things they wanted to see. Elain randomly texted him names of 3 and 2 Michelin star restaurants from all over the world, telling him where she wanted to dine, why, and eagerly opining on the menus.

Elain was his.

His little foodie, who was a fearless eater, and sampled just about everything and anything.

Elain was his.

His little art lover, who had a surprisingly wide breadth of knowledge of painting, art history and strong opinions on artists and styles. When he found out that she adored Balthus and that Egon Schiele was her favourite artist of all time, his respect for her only increased.

Elain was his.

His little intellectual, who read Anna Akhmatova’s poetry, listened to Alain Elkann’s podcast, and who could easily talk about the history of Lamborghini or Aston Martin, and Formula 1, just to satisfy him.

What the fuck was this?

Why was his Elain going on some date with another man?

Anger rose in him so quickly; he had a difficult time stopping his hands from shaking. So, he clasped them behind his back.

“It’s none of your business,” she said coldly. “I don’t have to report to you who I am going out with,”

“You don’t?” he demanded absurdly.

“No, I don’t!”

“Please tell me who he is?” he decided on a different approach. His brain was working furiously, trying to dissuade her, yet not anger her, yet find out as much information as possible.

“No!” she shook her head stubbornly. “Why do you even care?”

Why did he care? WHY did he care?

He couldn’t have been misreading all the signs. He couldn’t have been misreading her interest, her acceptance, her want.

There was no doubt in his mind that she wanted him—emotionally, as a friend, as a partner, as a lover. Reading people was his job, his calling, and he’d never been wrong. He certainly wasn’t wrong with Elain—she was an open book to him. He didn’t need to evaluate her reactions to his company to know that she was absolutely enthralled with him.

So why this?

Was it something he did? There were no hints of anything amiss the last time they’d seen each other. They were at her place, they cooked Italian together—spaghetti and clams—and he opened a bottle of Petilia Greco di Tufo, a pure, harmonious white from Campania. Then they went to the rooftop—their favourite place—and watched the city, enjoying gelato and playing cards.

Squeezing his hands behind his back, he demanded, “Has he been vetted?”

“Vetted? Vetted?” she exclaimed incredulously. “Who is going to be doing this vetting?”

She stared at him and bit out,

“I don’t like this side of you. This is crazy behaviour,”

“Why? Because you are going on a date? Suddenly. Unexpectedly.”

At that, she blushed furiously, squirming under his heavy, icy gaze.

He continued, “And with some guy you refuse to tell me anything about. Have you told Cass?”

“What? What exactly is Cass? My father?”

“Cass runs security for,”

“I know what Cass does!” she cried, looking furious, but also uncomfortable. Insecure. Anxious. “But I am not telling him. Leave me alone. I am not telling anyone,”

“Not even Nesta? Elide?” he demanded. “And what if something happens?”

“What’s going to happen?!” she asked nervously.

Nothing.

Probably nothing.

He was being an overbearing creep, but he couldn’t stop.

He needed to know. And yes, he wanted her to be safe.

“Who knows?” he shrugged menacingly. “He is unvetted. No one knows anything about him. Have you even Googled him?”

She blushed.

That’s a no.

“Unless you tell me his name, I am not leaving,” he warned. “I need to know who you are going to be with.”

“I am not telling you.”

“Fine,” he propped himself against the door. “We’ll just stand here.”

“Fine.”

The standoff continued for another few minutes, until, exasperated, she blurted,

“His name is Dorian!”

“Dorian. As in Dorian Gray?”

She rolled her eyes. “How funny.”

He took out his phone and asked, “Does Dorian have a last name?”

“Are you seriously going to Google him?”

“Absolutely I will. Since you didn’t.”

“I am not telling you.”

“Fine,” he shrugged. “I’ll await Dorian’s arrival and have a man-to-man talk with him,”

She paled.

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Watch me.”

She glared at him, and then sneered, “Why don’t you invite Lorcan too! And Rowan. So the three of you can stand here, in your freaky silent vigil and glare at him, to scare him off.”

“Good idea.”

She shrugged, “And when Dorian comes here, you three can tower over him.”

“Why? Is he tiny?” Azriel snorted.

She rolled her eyes and then thrust her foot into her other heel, finally. As she tied it around her ankle, she muttered angrily, “so disappointed in you,”

“Get in line,” he snapped.

“Adarlan,”

“What?”

“His last name is Adarlan.”

Azriel immediately typed the name into the phone.

A pretty white boy. Columbia. Pre-law.

Figures.

Of course, someone like that would want someone like Elain. And she’d want him in return. Pretty, proper. Pathetic.

“Satisfied?” she rose to her full height. Her cheeks were flushed, brown eyes gleaming with anger and challenge.

She was so beautiful and so annoyed with him, Azriel was blinded by her, by her light, her spirit.

“Not for a while,” he said blandly and shrugged.

That made her redden. Not the blush of anger. Her sexy blush.

So, he went for it.

“Call it off,” he begged.

“What?”

“Call it off. Please.”

“Why?”

Because you are mine.

He wanted to tell her. To explain.

But did he deserve her? All that light and goodness? Perhaps, pretty boy Dorian was indeed more appropriate.

“Because,” he began and then heard a car pull up behind him.

Steps.

He didn’t turn around.

“Elain.”

“Dorian.”

Her face lit up with a smile.

“Ready?”

She nodded. “Just let me grab my bag.”

When she disappeared, Azriel turned around at last.

Dorian was good looking, tall, thin. Young. Looked like a kid, though Azriel figured that he wasn’t much younger than him. But Azriel’s lived about 540 years by now…at least that’s how it felt, and Dorian—Dorian probably had many girlfriends, many friends, and daddy’s money.

He was about as interesting as a bag of beans.

They stared at each other.

Azriel didn’t give a shit.

He didn’t care about anything, other than this is what Elain chose. This Dorian may end up holding Elain’s hand. Perhaps going in for a kiss. That sensuous weak mouth may touch Elain’s perfect lips—the lips that Azriel only dreamt of kissing. And what if it went further?

What if,

No.

Elain was not a ‘first date sex’ kind of girl. Never. Not his Elain.

“Treat her well,” he growled a warning.

Dorian blinked.

“What?”

“Treat. Elain. Well.”

“Who are you?”

“Consider me her brother-in-law.”

“Oh. Okay. Alright. Sure, man. Yeah.”

Fucking intellectual powerhouse.

“I am one of many,”

“Many what?” Dorian asked in confusion.

“Many brothers-in-law. And they all look like me. Some are even bigger.”

“Ready?!” Elain chirped.

“Um, yeah,” Dorian’s eyes darted back and forth.

Azriel finally gave up and crossed his arms on his chest.

“Have fun you two,” he said sweetly.

“Thank you. I’ll see you at Rhys’s pool party on Saturday,” Elain acted like everything was normal.

“Sure. Bring Dorian along,” Azriel jerked his chin. “We’ll be delighted to have him.”

Elain

“He is a charmer,” Dorian finally exhaled once they were inside the car.

She grunted in response.

“Does he have enough tattoos?” he started to reverse. “Oh, look, a Ferrari,”

“It’s his,” she bit the inside of her cheek, glancing quickly at the unmoving figure under the awning.

“His? What is he? A drug dealer?”

“Dorian!” she snapped. She was so on edge, she sat on her shaking hands the moment she buckled up.

“Sorry. Sorry. But really, do you want me to,”

She interrupted,

“What? Are you offering to beat him up?”

“I mean,”

“Dorian. He is a Navy Seal,” she said bluntly. “His bicep is the circumference of my head. His buddies are all pushing 6”7 in height and are all former Navy Seals. I am just saying. You aren’t taking him on.”

Dorian didn’t feel the need to disagree.

Azriel

Elain was his home. She was his happy place. His joy.

Her smile made everything better.

When she touched him--his fingers, his cheek—that touch carried more sensual promise than anything he’d ever experienced. And he’d experienced plenty.

Azriel’s only brush with love was when he was 18 and it was right before Morgana fucked Cassian, lost her virginity to him and got pregnant by him. He wondered if that’s what fucked him up, turned him off love for this past decade. Ploughing through endless bodies felt good, though he was usually left with the feeling of residual emptiness and longing. But he accepted it.

Elain though. He didn’t plough into Elain. Never even so much as seen her breast. And yet, his head was filled with her. Images, both erotic and mundane floated through his brain constantly. Elain’s eyes lighting up when he called her ‘baby’. Elain tasting a pastry, in her own special way, sometimes dipping her finger into the cream, and driving him wild. Elain reclining her golden head on the seat of his car, eyes closed. Elain being a little drill master when it came to arranging flowers, absolutely unperturbed by the idea of ordering Rowan and Cassian and Fen around.

That Elain was offering her smile, her time, her attention to that pretty prick Dorian was just intolerable.

If he could, he would actually climb the walls. But Azriel couldn’t climb walls, even if parkour-loving Fenrys would probably teach him how. Therefore, he went back to the shop, where Nuala was just packing up for the day.

“I need your car,” he demanded.

“We are in a garage,” she reminded him reasonably, but nevertheless tossed her keys to him. He caught them with one hand and said, “I owe you one.”

“You owe me like fifty…but who is counting?”

Nuala didn’t know why he needed her car, but she did know that he was beyond pining, at this point. He was in full love mode. As in LOVE. Capital letters, heart palpitations, sleepless nights, acting-like-a-drug-addict LOVE. Who would have thought? Not only that Azriel would fall in love at all, but that it would be with Elain.

Azriel got into Nuala’s ordinary Acura, drove to Elain’s apartment, and kept vigil the very same way she told him he would.

At this point, he didn’t care at all. He sat and waited in his shadows. Waiting like this—he learned this level of patience back in the Navy, during his recon missions—suited him, and his personality. Lorcan and he could sit like this for hours. Days. They weren’t bothered at all. Cassian and Fenrys would whine, complain and bounce like little children.

Shadows were his friends, as they’d always been, since he was a boy and hid from his abusive father. They protected him then, and concealed him now.

Finally, at an acceptable, and slightly boring, 11:23 pm, Dorian’s generic Audi pulled up.

There was no way that either of them would spot him, or assume that he was around.

Dorian opened the door for Elain, and she stepped out. They talked. She smiled. Then laughed.

It all grated on Azriel’s nerves. Go inside! He wanted to shout to her.

Then, Dorian made a move. Azriel tensed, when the pretty boy reached his hand out and ran his knuckles over Elain’s bare shoulder. The hand stopped entirely too close to her breast, as he squeezed her upper arm, holding her close. If Azriel sensed even the tiniest expression of discomfort from her, he’d be flying out of the car in a snap.

They talked some more, that gross hand still resting on Elain’s arm. But then, she opened her arms and Azriel grimaced. No way. No way was she going for a kiss.

And thank all the gods above, but she only hugged him, and not a close hug either—but that awkward, butts-out, shoulders pressed together weird hug. Something males typically gave each other, so careful to avoid any penile interaction. Then she walked to her building and gave Dorian a little wave. He hopped in his car and drove away.

What a prick. Didn’t even wait for her to get inside.

But she stood still, door unopened, keys in her fingers. And then, she peered into the darkness. A long, penetrating gaze. Aimed right at him. Like she saw through the shadows. She looked and looked, and he melted in the shadows, into the darkness of the car.

And then she flipped him off, and walked inside.

Elain

Piled into Lorcan’s Range Rover, it was Elain ad Elide, Lorcan and Connall in the car.

It was a nice day for a pool party, for a long drive to the Hamptons, for enjoying the sunshine.

Elain was having none of it.

She hated this idea to begin with—pool parties—which were full of too-rich and affected young people, prancing around in skimpy underwear. The women too perfect. The men, full of unreasonable expectations.

Feyre and Morrigan liked this crap, Cassian too, Aelin—certainly.

All the people with their perfect bodies and big hair and bigger personalities.

This Range Rover was like the car for outcasts.

Lorcan looked like he wanted to be at a pool party as much as he wanted to have a rectal exam. Connall, she was sure, would just sit by the bar and nurse drinks all day long. Elide would always find an escape with Lor, and the two of them would huddle together and make snide comments about the attendees to each other.

Elain sighed.

She was such a stupid, inexcusably dumb, fucking idiot.

“Do you know why Az isn’t coming today?” Lorcan looked at her in the mirror.

“Oh?”

She bit inside of her cheek, stifling a pathetic cry.

It shouldn’t have surprised her that Azriel decided not to attend, but she still harbored hope, somewhere inside of her that he would. That they’d be able to talk. That he’d…

Forgive her?

“No, I don’t know,” she mumbled.

“Did you have a fight or something?” Lorcan’s strange black eyes looked at her like they were scraping the edges of her soul. It wasn’t the most comfortable of feelings.

“No.”

She spent the rest of the trip in sullen silence. Even Elide didn’t try to shake her out of her stupor.

As expected, the party was ridiculously over the top.

There were throngs of people milling about, all in various stages of undress. Firm, golden flesh gleamed in the sunlight.

There were three bars—one for beer, one for cocktails and one for everything else. An ice cream station. A s’mores station. Wagyu beef sliders. Lobster hot dogs. Jamon Iberico. Wheels of Parmigiano Reggiano.

Deep down, Elain was grateful that she’d never be this wealthy.

She was happy with her flowers, her shop, and she was considering opening a pastry shop down the road. And then Azriel had his wonderful garage, but successful as it was, it wasn’t on the Darling level of wealth…And that was alright. It was perfectly enough, too much even,

She stopped.

She should’ve just told him. Everything. A long time ago. But the intensity of her own feelings towards him frightened her, and then…she fucked it all up.

She meandered absently around the premises, listening to Feyre’s and Nesta’s screeching from the pool, where both were perched on the shoulders of their respective lovers, whacking each other and others with long plastic poles. Mor and her new girlfriend were making out passionately in a hammock. Fenrys was swarmed by a bevy of busty beauties. And so on…

She was feeling foolish and exposed in her pink bikini, wishing she had a wrap or something. Her body was no worse than all of these other girls’, but she couldn’t help but compare herself to them. They were confident. Exciting. Entertaining. They flirted and laughed loudly. They had sparkly teeth and giant lips.

She didn’t know how to flirt, and wasn’t glamorous or polished like them.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing here all alone? Without a drink?”

A man sidled over, his bold eyes roaming about her body, assessing.

“I am fine, thank you,” she made to get away and walk towards the pool, but he thrust an insistent hand in front of her, holding a drink.

“Come on, sugar. Join me.”

Sugar?

And then, there were four of them. Five.

None were threatening, but being surrounded by so many men, while basically naked was outside of Elain’s comfort zone. They were joking, laughing, chugging their beers. She didn’t know any of them.

“So, who are you?” asked one of them.

“A guest.”

She angled her body towards the pool, trying to sneak past them.

“A guest? We are guests too! Nice party,”

“It is. Pardon me, I have to go,”

“But why?”

One of them caught her hand in his and pulled lightly, grounding her in place.

“Excuse me!” she attempted to withdraw her hand, but he didn’t budge. They herded her a little closer to the house. A sixth man approached, carrying a little tray with tequila shots.

“Where do you got to go, baby?”

Another hand slipped down her back and brushed over her butt, making her jerk.

“What the hell?” she hissed, but her indignation was met with amused smiles.

“Such a pretty girl, all alone. Come, join us,”

“I am not alone!” she snapped angrily.

“Oh no?”

“And who are you with?”

“My fucking boyfriend!” she lied, a little scared now.

“Oh, a boyfriend?” teased one. “And who might that be?”

“Do we know this boyfriend? Where is he?”

She looked around desperately, and then lied again, “He is inside. And coming back, soon.”

Laughter.

“Ohh, I don’t think so. I’ve been watching you for an hour, and there is no boyfriend.”

“I think I need to go,”

“But why!?!”

They goaded, “Tell us about the boyfriend?”

“His name is Azriel Bagarat,” she blurted out.

More laughter. Challenging, condescending laughter.

“Really?”

“Mr. Fancy Garage is your boyfriend?”

“Good one! I almost fell for it.”

“Azriel Bagarat-I-date-a-new-girl-weekly makes for a bad boyfriend, honey,”

“You aren’t exactly his type.”

Tears threatened to pour out of her eyes, and she was horrified by her body’s reaction to the taunting.

She threw, “and what type is that?”

“He doesn’t go for squeaky clean girls like you.”

“Maybe it’s an experiment!” laughed one of them. “He is into all sorts of fucking kink. Maybe he is wetting his cock in some virgin flesh,”

“Are you even legal?”

“You look awfully young.”

At this point, Elain was not above screaming for Lorcan, or Rowan, or anyone else. Her looking weak and pathetic was the least of her concerns.

For a moment, the teasing and the laughter died down. One of them exclaimed, “Oh hey. There you are!”

Fuck. Another one.

The scent hit her first. The sharp, intoxicating smell of his expensive Armani cologne. She’d recognize it anywhere. That hint of cedar and a chilled night air. That was him. Her home.

And then, the familiar dark arm slipped across her stomach, tugging her firmly to his front. Another hand slid to her throat, laying on it, but not squeezing. He held her tenderly, close to him, possessively.

“I missed my girl,” he whispered, his gravelly, husky voice so familiar to her ear it sent a shiver down her spine.

Why couldn’t it be like this forever? Her in his arms? Forever?

“My gorgeous girlfriend always brings all the boys to the yard,” he chuckled. And then, to Elain’s utter delight and pleasure, he placed a warm, open mouthed kiss on the side of her neck.

She shuddered.

He’d never kissed her. Never intimately. Never kissed her like this.

His. She was his. And he just marked his territory.

It was glorious. To be kissed by him was something that she’d dreamt of and here it was—unexpected, sensuous, surprisingly erotic.

His thumb stroked the side of her throat, and then he leaned in and kissed her again. Same spot. Her bare vulnerable throat, her pale neck, his for the taking. She had no control of the situation, and she loved it.

“Thank you for keeping my girlfriend company, gentlemen, but I’ll take it from here.”

Not so brave anymore, in the face of this towering mass of muscle and tattoos, the men sheepishly offered him a shot, which he knocked back and then even attempted to high-five him, though he drew the line at that.

As they scampered away, Azriel did not release Elain from his embrace. She just stood there, with his arm around her, her body pressed into his almost-naked body and all she wanted was to turn around and peek. Or have him kissed her again. She really, really wanted him to kiss her again.

He did not though.

Finally, his arm fell away and he stepped back, causing a sorrowful sigh to erupt in her chest.

She turned around. His face was unreadable, as always, and though she picked out his little tells and signs of emotions now, she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“Thank you,” was all she could mutter. He didn’t answer. “I didn’t think you were coming,”

“No need to talk,” he cut her off. Then turned around and added, “feel free to leave with Lorcan or Cass.”

He was walking away when she called out, “Wait. Az. I want to talk. Please,”

“No,” he said simply.

She ran after him, trying to keep up with his long stride.

“Az, please, I need to,”

“It’s Azriel to you,” he corrected bluntly. “You don’t get to ‘Az’ me,”

She swallowed, tears stinging her eyes.

“Okay…okay,” she begged. “Azriel, I want to explain, please,”

“You don’t always get what you want,” he threw back.

She paused, but then added,

“But sometimes, you get what you need.”

A tiny smile twitched on his lips. But he schooled his face into neutrality and without turning to her, said,

“If you must tag along for the rest of the day, pretending like you are my girlfriend, it’s up to you,” he shrugged indifferently.

She didn’t care. At least he didn’t send her away. At least, she could be near him, and with time, she’d thaw his anger.

She followed him silently, like dog. Trying to be inconspicuous, but she stayed at his side, even if they didn’t talk and he continuously ignored her. It allowed her time to ogle his incredible body, which she did with relish and without shame. If he was going to be nasty to her, she at least would feast her eyes on all that muscular gorgeousness. Those Cadre men—they were all stunning, at least when it came to their physiques. Azriel, though, was a little more stunning than the others. Only Fenrys, perhaps, was at the same level of attractiveness.

They went to the bar and she followed him faithfully, not letting him out of her sight. He glanced at her, sighed, shaking his head with annoyance, but Azriel being Azriel, he ordered her a mojito, while he drank Sipsmith London Gin and tonic, and after a while, thrust the drink in her hand and muttered, “I am going swimming.”

She took it and sat on a chair, stiff-backed and patient, watching him.

When he emerged from the water, she was waiting for him with a fresh drink.

“Your tattoos look like wings.”

He rubbed a towel over the black and blue tattoos on his shoulders and arms and looked at her.

“Your tattoos,” she said again, watching his wet body and the markings on it come alive on his skin. When he was in the pool, and his arms rose and fell in the water, they looked like wings. “They look like wings. Bat wings.”

“Is that a compliment?” his voice was still cold, bored.

“Yes.”

She handed him his drink and then took his scarred hand in hers. He made to pull away, but she squeezed.

“You are my boyfriend,” she reminded him. “Would be strange if you didn’t want to hold my hand.”

He had no choice but to grip her hand back,

and fuck if it didn’t feel nice.

Two days, and he was going nuts without that little hand. Two days, and he’d missed her touch like it was his life’s necessity.

And then, she gently rubbed her thumb over his own.

“Stop that,” he ordered.

“No,” she said flatly.

“Elain,”

“Azriel,”

“It’s not going to work,” he warned.

She shrugged, “we’ll see.”

They took a few more steps, her thumb still stroking his fingers, and then he stopped abruptly.

“What do you want?”

She looked up at him and said, voice surprisingly firm, “I want to get into your car and drive home with you. I want to cook you dinner. I want to hold your hand. That’s what I want.”

“And what do I want?”

“You want the same thing,” she assured him, unusual confidence in her voice and on her face.

He watched her, unblinking, but she did not balk from his assessing gaze, did not step back. She just clutched his hand like life depended on it. His jowls twitched and he bit his lip, before says, “go and put some clothes on. We are going home.”

“No. Come with me,” she tugged him with her. “I don’t trust you.”

He smiled, at last, and her heart fluttered with joy at the sight of that magical smile.

They found their clothes, threw them atop the bathing suits and as soon as they were dressed, Azriel took her by the hand and led her out to the parking lawn. It was a Maserati Ghibli today, beautifully embellished with subtle pinstripes. No one would dare do this to their 90K car, but Azriel did. And it looked stunning.

The drive wasn’t comfortable.

He still wasn’t speaking to her and she just sat there, for an hour or more, in silence, hands on her lap.

Finally, once they began approaching the city, Elain asked, “where are you taking me?”

“Home,” was all he said, his first word since they got in the car.

She thought and said, “I don’t want to go home.”

His voice mocking and obsequious, he asked, “Please tell me, Elain, where should your personal Uber take you? Would you like a coffee? A snack? A walk in the park? A trip to the library? Should I deliver you into Dorian’s loving embrace?”

“Stop it,” she snapped at him, all red and angry. “Stop with all that!”

Azriel plowed forth, ignoring her command, “where was he today, by the way? Why was I stuck rescuing the damsel in distress? Where is brave Dorian?”

“Nobody asked you to rescue me!” she lied, suddenly realizing that maybe, that kiss meant nothing to him. That it was all for show.

“Yeah, you looked like you were handling that situation very well,” he decided dryly.

“You know,” she folded her arms on her chest, “do take me home.”

“Good.”

Once they entered the city proper, Azriel fought the traffic aggressively, swearing under his breath more frequently than usual, obviously intend on getting rid of her as soon as possible.

She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t break through. Couldn’t get to him, not around the walls that he’d constructed around himself. She thought that she could, but she was wrong.

Finally, they were coming towards her block.

The silence was stifling. Unbearable.

“Why did you do it?” he blurted suddenly.

She looked at him, but before she could offer any explanations or excuses, he continued, not looking at her, “Was I not enough? Was he better?”

“He is nothing,” she managed, desperation tinging her voice, her whole being. She reached out to touch him, but he jerked his arm away.

“Don’t,” he warned. “Nothing? Why would you do this, Elain? Was I not enough? Too weird? Too brown? Too low-born? Too fucked up?”

Elain stared at him in horror. She was numb. Words failed her.

He was shaking his head.

There was true sadness, dejection written on his face. Devastation.

“I was falling in love with you, Elain,” he said so softly, she barely heard the words. “For three months, I’ve been falling in love with you. I’ve loved everything about you. I knew that the hammer would drop…One day, it would drop because it’s not like this could ever be,” he made a wide gesture with his hand.

He stopped the car next to her house.

“But I thought that it would be me. That I’d fuck up somehow and you’d dump me. Which would be…expected…”

He sighed, his breath so ragged it sounded like a sob.

“But I didn’t expect this. Truly. Though looking back, I don’t know why I didn’t?” he shrugged. “That’s what Mor did—the only other one I thought that I loved. But we were young and stupid, so…” he was looking out the window, seemingly talking to himself, not to her anymore. “But now I am almost thirty and for once, I thought that maybe, just maybe, this one time, I’d get what I want.”

Elain was weeping silently, fat tears pouring onto her hands, dripping off her face.

“I wanted you more than anything, Elain.”

Elain. Elain. Elain.

She hated that he called her Elain.

She hated that he didn’t use his usual endearments with her, that she was no longer his ‘baby’ nor his ‘love’. She wasn’t his ‘gorgeous’ or his ‘beautiful’. She was just Elain.

There was no warmth in his voice. Only some kind of hollowed emptiness, instead of the usual teasing smirk, the undercurrent of humour and love, of tender softness that he always used with her. Only with her.

“You can have me,” she managed finally through her sobs. “You can ha--…”

He finally turned his head and looked at her, that gaze dark and pitiless.

“I am not sure I want you anymore. We’ll coordinate the wedding situation and we’ll be civil to each other, for Feyre and Rhys’s sakes. Goodbye Elain.”

She sat there. He waited. Then, with a groan, he got out and went to open the door for her.

As she stepped out of the car, she begged one more time, “Azriel. Please. Please just allow me the opportunity to talk to you,” she wiped her face, with her fist.

It destroyed him completely.

He didn’t know what to do with himself, as he tracked her movement, that childish, simple, raw flick of her fist over her eyes. It wasn’t the modelled, reserved, dab-the-eye practiced move that you saw on reality shows, the fake tears, the faux sadness.

This was Elain; sorrowful, devastated, begging.

“Please,” she pleaded again.

“I asked you to call it off,” he reminded her. “I begged you. You didn’t.”

She choked on a sob.

“You threw it in my face, Elain. This random man, whom you also led on, by the way. Led him believe that you were interested. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I am too old for this…Allow me the opportunity to just deal with this break up—or whatever it is—however I can. We both need to move on.”

He’d never left a crying woman on a sidewalk.

But he’d also never been in love before. And his heart had never been broken like this.

********************

Azriel

Nuala Gennaro has been trying to reach her boss for three days, to no avail.

He didn’t respond to texts, or to calls. He didn’t show up to work. He wasn’t at the garage, at the tattoo shop, or his design studio. He didn’t seem to be home either, because she drove by his loft a few times and the windows remained dark.

She had keys to his house, but that was a violation of privacy that she didn’t feel like engaging in just yet. Was this an emergency? He gave her the key for ‘emergencies’. Was this one? A healthy, 29-year-old handsome man disappearing for three days didn’t seem like an emergency, but still, Nuala was concerned.

She was going to give him one more day, and if he was still AWOL then she’d begin to worry.

Azriel was responsible. Whatever was happening in his life typically did not reflect on his work ethic. Besides, he was usually so guarded and seemingly unemotional, it was hard to say if he was affected by anything. Nuala had met him in high school—a beautiful, quiet, mysterious boy who looked like a fallen angel and who seemed unusually confident and astute for his age.

They reconnected after he and his brothers returned from the Navy. He was darker and quieter than she remembered, and hardened in his manner and bearing, and had a haunted look in his eyes which worried Nuala for quite some time. She’d been apprenticing as a tattoo artist and they’d met to discuss her joining his venture. She wasn’t sure if this whole garage/restaurant/tattoo parlour for rich people thing was going to be feasible or even realistic, but Azriel believed in the concept and somehow, got her enflamed by his passion as well. They’d slept together over the years, but even if she would have wanted more, he wasn’t willing to give it to her. Azriel went through women with the determination to conquer, mild interest and lack of follow up. But he never gave any of himself to them. Pleasure—yes. Self—no. So, Nuala had decided—staying with him and in his life, in his business, as his protégé and associate was more important than having him as a lover, even if he was by far the best lover she’d ever had.

The only thing that did seem to affect him—deeply, powerfully—was Elain Archeron.

Nuala didn’t think that it would happen. Didn’t think that Azriel was a man to fall in love so passionately, so completely, and even if he was denying it to himself, Nuala knew him well enough to know the truth. And whatever happened between him and Elain, approximately a week ago or so, truly devastated him.

Prior to his disappearance, he operated as if he was in some sort of fog. He answered questions, he gave instructions and directions, he did whatever was expected of him—met with clients, held meetings with his car suppliers, negotiated deals—but his heart was not in it. His beloved business was no longer his priority, and that confounded Nuala, for she had never seen him like this before.

She arrived early, earlier than usual, because she needed to get crackin’. Without Azriel, things seemed…tighter…more difficult. She’d never noticed it, but somehow, he carried this business, made it seem easy, and she falsely believed that it was a walk in the park. Gods, it wasn’t! It was busy, and difficult, and required constant attention and decision making, and reports only piled on her desk—financials, inventory, guest lists, requests, specs. It was endless.

Azriel’s office, a glass cube perched at the top of the building and overlooking everything below, the entire operation, was very dimply lit this early morning. Cassian installed one-way floor to ceiling windows in the office, so no one could look inside, but Azriel was able to see everything, if he so desired.

Nuala climbed the industrial-style stairs and opened the door without knocking.

At first, she thought that there was a fire. The office was entirely engulfed in smoke, but before she could hit the alarm button, nauseatingly pungent stench of tobacco assaulted her nostrils.

“What the hell?!” she exclaimed, rubbing her eyes, and rushing to open the outside windows. She left the door open as well, to encourage some sort of ventilation.

“What the hell,” she muttered again, finally making out Azriel in the dimness, who was sprawled on the leather sofa, in jeans and boots and a black t-shirt, his arm hanging listlessly to the floor, a cigarette between his fingers. On the floor, an almost empty bottle of Jameson’s and an overflowing ashtray, stuffed to the brim with butts. Tom Waits’s insanely gravelly, bourbon-and-tobacco-soaked voice filled the space as well.

“Wow,” she crossed her arms on her chest. “Wow.”

“Why are you here so early?” he asked by way of greeting.

“Funny thing—my boss disappeared for three days. Four days, actually. No word. No text. No call. No email. No warning. No idea whether he is dead or alive. So yes, it’s made for some early mornings for some of us.”

No answer.

He took a deep drag of his cigarette and said nothing.

“What the fuck, Az?”

“Like you said,” he shrugged indifferently, “I am the boss. I don’t have to report to anyone.”

Nuala bit her lip, but did not retort in the way she wanted to retort.

“Where were you?” she inquired calmly.

“Vegas.”

“Vegas?”

“Rhys’s Bachelor Party.”

“Oh.”

“I won money. It’s somewhere,” he glanced around absently. “Give it to some charity…”

“Which one?”

“I don’t care.”

“Fine.”

She didn’t push him. But added, “you can’t smoke here.”

“It’s my shop,”

“Even though. State and city regulations.”

He put out his cigarette compliantly.

“It’s 5 am. When did you start drinking?” she asked, pointing to the bottle.

He gave a lazy glance and shrugged,

“Technically, I didn’t stop drinking…It’s been a few hours…”

She was shaking her head.

He stared into the ceiling blindly, wordlessly.

Nuala didn’t know, but she also knew. So she took pity on him.

“Az,”

“I’d like to be alone now.”

“I will leave you alone,” she promised. “But…” she let out a whoosh of air, preparing herself. “Elain,”

He didn’t react.

“Elain is downstairs.”

To that he did react. He sat up so quickly, she didn’t track the movement with her eyes.

“I found her on the steps, outside,” said Nuala. “She looks like hell. I barely recognized her.”

“Why is she here?” he asked stupidly.

“I think you should probably ask her that. She wouldn’t come inside,” Nuala explained. “She said that she’s been sitting outside since 4 am, hoping to catch you.”

But Azriel was already out the door, sprinting down the stairs, making Nuala gasp, as he took three at a time, and she feared that he’d fall down on the concrete floor and break every bone in his body.

It was only five in the morning, and the streets, even NYC streets, were empty.

It was drizzling, a summer thunderstorm about to erupt.

Elain was sitting on the doorstep, arms wrapped around her knees, huddling into herself in the morning chill.

“Elain,”

She jumped up and turned to him.

He never saw her like this—wrecked. Utterly devastated. Wilted.

His lovely flower girl, his little rose, his darling beauty—wilted. Instead of her usual colouring of pink and golden, caramel and honey and cream, she looked black and white. Like everything was leeched out of her, every spark, all joy, each remarkable hue.

They did not greet each other. She just looked at him, and,

“I’ve hurt you,” she said, her voice surprisingly steady, the tone firm. “I know that. And you can leave and discard me, and you have every right,”

Azriel just stood there, looking at her, unable to get enough. Thinking that there was a possibility that this was going to be one of their last conversations. And that possibility was unacceptable to him. It was intolerable.

The rain began to fall.

Azriel moved under the awning, angling his body so she would come and stand under it as well, but she didn’t move.

Steady droplets pounded the pavement, giving off that fresh smell of wet asphalt. The air was heavy and humid and felt unsettled, like it was preparing for a torrent.

“But know this one thing,” she continued, staring at him, unblinking, eyes brimming with tears. “I fell in love with you on Saturday, May 9th, at 7:14 in the morning. I had loved you every moment of my life since then. I will love you every moment of my life until I die. Nothing will ever change that. I don’t speak to you as some besotted, inexperienced girl, who is smitten by a handsome man…I speak to you from my soul. You have my heart, Azriel. Every broken and sad piece of me, you’ve managed to put together with your beautiful, scarred hands. I will never ask for anything of you—not even a word back, but I needed you to know this. I want you know that I’ve never loved anyone, no man, no being, not my sisters or my parents, as much as I love you. All my joy, my peace, my dreams are connected to you. You are the first thing I think of when I wake up, and the last when I fall asleep—and then I dream of you. I don’t care if you know this, but I’ve built up my whole life around you in my head, all my fantasies are about you. All I want is to love you. That is all. Not very ambitious, I know,” she wiped the tears that were flooding her face, mixing with the rain, “but I can’t think of anything that would ever bring me more happiness, more satisfaction than to love you. And…” she choked a quiet sob, “if you don’t want me—that is alright…I want you to be happy. And if I don’t make you happy, then, so be it, but,”

Azriel couldn’t help himself. Couldn’t contain his bursting breath, his aching heart. Every bit of him felt electrified, wild, untamed.

He grabbed her, his arm pressing her soaking wet body to him, the rain pouring over them, and she trembled and sobbed next to him. Such indescribable hope in her eyes. That maybe, just maybe, it would all turn out like her fantasies.

He cupped her wet, pale face in his palm and murmured,

“You want me?”

Her trembling fingers traced his cheekbone and she nodded mutely.

“Say it,” he groaned.

“I want you,” she whispered.

“Say more,” he begged. “Say everything.”

“I love you. I choose you. I want you.”

He soaked it all up. Every breath. Every word. Every emotion on her face.

“Well,” he muttered, “if we are keeping score…then I fell in love with you on Tuesday, May 5th, at 4:47 in the afternoon.”

She laughed through her tears, clutching at him with desperate hands, as if fearing that he would disappear. Turn around and leave her.

But he wasn’t going anywhere. Ever.

He was exactly where he wanted to be. Yearned to be all his life.

“First glance, baby,” he lovingly caressed her face, “first glance. Love at first sight.”

She kissed the tips of his fingers.

“You are my home, Elain,” he wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him, her cheek pressed to his chest, his hand cradling her head, “my favourite person in my life. With you, all things are possible. Sometimes, I feel like I can fly. Like I’ve grown wings and I hear the song of the wind. But I think that it’s just your voice in my head. You won’t leave, right?”

She chuckled and shook her head, “No. Never.”

“Because this week,” he shuddered, “it’s like I lost a limb…There was this phantom reminder of you, always within me, and yet, you weren’t there. I couldn’t reach and find you next to me. I’ve never felt such emptiness,” he brought her hand to his chest and lay it on her booming heart, “there was nothing here,” he pressed her hand closer, and she felt the steady beat, “empty…You weren’t with me, and there was nothing left.

“I think I’ve been in love with you—forever. I don’t even believe in past lives or other worlds, but sometimes I feel like I’ve known you for eternity.”

She raised her face to him, surprise and awareness in her red-rimmed eyes,

“I feel the same. Az, I’ve always felt the same thing!”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” she nodded vigorously, “when we held hands the first time, when we just met, I recognized your touch. I knew your scars. It was all familiar to me, like stepping back into my own home, after a long absence. Reacquainting myself with something that I already loved.”

He cupped her face in his hands and asked,

“May I kiss you?”

“You have to kiss me,” she smiled a happy, luminous smile at him. “I’ve waited for a long time for you to kiss me.”

Azriel smiled, and looked up, rain drenching his face and their bodies.

“Are we really going to do this? In the pouring rain?”

She was grinning, smiling happily, nodding, “All the cliches in the world!”

He clasped her jaw in his hand, wrapping his other arm tighter about her.

“I loved when you kissed me at the party,” she admitted, a little breathless.

“Yes?” he murmured and then dipped his head, and gently pressed his lips to her throat.

Elain shuddered against him, her breasts, nicely full, round and soft pressed tightly against his chest, and she sighed her pleasure.

“Like that?” he whispered against her cold, wet skin, and she half-moaned, nodding. So he kissed her neck again, on the other side, raking his teeth gently along the warm, pulsating vein. He kissed along her collarbones, tender and sweet, but with acute intention. Her breasts moved against his chest, their shirts nor her bra providing much of a barrier between his skin and her firm, swollen nipples.

Up her throat he went with his lips, kissing softly, until he pulled away for a moment, their breaths mingling, warm next to each other. He tilted her face just so, to have better access to her full mouth, and then kissed the plump lower lip. She clutched at his shirt and pulled him closer, the rain forgotten, the world encapsulated in his mouth, in the loving pressure of his lips against hers.

Elain looked irresistible. In his arms, where, let’s face it, she belonged, with her cheeks finally, finally taking on the familiar rosy blush.

Azriel, all 6”4 or “5 of the dark, bestial sexiness of him was wrapped around her. The low, sensual purr that he emitted turned into something more primal, hungrier when his mouth moulded into hers. The base, animalistic attractiveness of him, the bronze arms, the thick markings of his tattoos all over his skin, slithering like shadows, was almost too much for Elain to handle all at once, and she moaned, loud, and desperate against his lips. He brushed his nose against her cheek, and then nose to nose, and she was so stupidly needy for him that she struggled to stay upright. He brushed his fingertips over her lips, squeezing them between his and her own, and she licked on the pad of his thumb, laving some of the scars with the tip of her tongue.

Gods, this man could kiss.

Brutal, savage and noble--all amalgamated into one indescribable, unforgettable experience. Hungry and knowing, agonizingly slow, he devoured her mouth like it was some succulent, exotic fruit that he’s been craving. His lips explored her thoroughly, unhurriedly, tasting and savouring, caressing and worshipping. It was she who slipped her tongue inside his mouth, tentatively at first, but then gaining in boldness and confidence, especially once he sucked her in and stroked it with his own. He tasted of something masculine: alcohol, maybe, deep and rich and smokey, and tobacco, certainly, which, surprisingly, she enjoyed, but also something sexual. If Elain ever thought that she could taste passion, this lazy, indulgent sucking of his tongue on hers was exactly that. He groaned into her mouth, low and hot, and then licked on her tongue, with sensual playfulness which she loved.

She was hot in his arms, against his towering, heated body, and even the pouring rain couldn’t cool her off. The slabs of his abdominal muscles pressed into her belly and she was growing positively addicted to having him so close to her, his massive strength enveloping her so nicely, cushioning her against him. Nothing in her life has ever felt so wonderful, so sublime as Azriel felt in her arms.

Their kiss went on and on, heady and glorious, with him exploring every bit of her mouth with his tongue and lips, his hands caressing her body unobtrusively.

“Gods, I want to kiss you for eternity,” he moaned, tearing himself away from her lips at last.

She was panting, glassy-eyed, in love. He squeezed her face between his palms, looking down at her, her happiness, the unabashed joy in her eyes.

He’d finally made someone happy.

“Okay,” she agreed easily.

He smiled and kissed her again, then again, his lips creating a certain magic between his mouth and her skin and their bodies.

Elain had fought for him.

She didn’t give up. Didn’t shrug it all off. Didn’t leave in anger or panic. His absence meant something to her—perhaps, meant more than he could understand. He knew the misery of not having her in his life. It was only a week, but it was a week of pure hell. Now, he assumed that it wasn’t only he who felt that gaping chasm in his heart. She, for some inexplicable reason, loved him. Of that, he was certain.

“Now, I think we’ve satisfied any girl’s quota of romantic cheesiness,” he decided and she laughed, slapping his bicep lightly. He kissed her softly, “and I am taking you inside,” he said.

Elain only now realized that her feet haven’t been touching the asphalt for the duration of the kiss. She was literally floating aboveground, in his arms, in the throes of their first kiss.

The cheesiness quotient has been achieved indeed.

“Will you kiss me more?” she asked, as he swung her in his arms and carried her inside the shop.

“I am confident that I will never stop kissing you,” he assured and made his way up the stairs, to the office, clutching the dripping mess that she was in his arms.

She’s been here before, but he brought her straight into the attached bathroom, which was appointed outlandishly, and with a nice shower too.

“Get in there,” he ordered, “now. Before you catch a cold because of your love for kissing in the rain,”

She giggled, kiss-drunk and toed off her soaking wet converse that smacked limply on the tiled floor.

“But what am I going to wear?”

“My clothes, obviously,” he shrugged. “Unless you don’t want to, which is fine, because naked is just fine by me. Actually, preferred,”

She snickered, but looked at him, a little uncertain, and he rolled his eyes and muttered, “yes, yes, I will leave! Don’t worry. Though you know, I will eventually see everything anyway. So your modesty is misplaced on me.”

Azriel was correct. A hot shower was perfect. Despite it being late August, standing under pouring rain wasn’t as much fun as they made it seem in the movies.

The door opened and he came in, “here is some stuff for you.”

She looked at him over her shoulder, probably a little sultrier than she intended, and he winked, “Nice ass!”

“Ugh, stop looking!” she croaked, but he only laughed.

“You are the one with the bare butt!”

Then, he scratched his chin and bit his lip, making no move to leave.

“Az!” she exclaimed, blushing, but also kind of … intrigued.

“This is a very, very, very nice ass,” he muttered to himself, but loud enough for her to hear. Her blush only intensified, when he said, “the things I am going to do with it. Mmmm,” he rubbed his lower lip with his thumb, as if contemplating what he will be doing with her butt and then finally walked out, shaking his head.

When Elain emerged from the bathroom, with her hair wrapped in the towel and wearing Azriel’s t-shirt and shorts, she found him in a leather chair, sipping coffee. He’d also changed and his hair was mussed and damp, his bare feet crossed at the ankles, resting on a leather stool.

“There is coffee for you,” he jerked his chin towards a marble coffee table that had a basket of pastries and two large cups of coffee.

He marked everything.

How she looked in his clothes, which were much too big on her, yet cozy, though the shorts that she wore were hilarious, reaching below her knee.

How she brought him his coffee first, before taking her cup.

How she sat on the stool, by his feet and crossed her legs, before giving him a croissant and biting into her own.

“Have you warmed up?” he asked, sipping his coffee. Chugging gallons of coffee American style wasn’t his thing—he preferred quick, small espressos, but this giant cup did take the chill away.

She nodded.

“Do you want to talk?” he asked.

She tensed right away, and he said, “All is forgiven, I swear. “

She eyed him suspiciously, nevertheless.

He smiled at her, and added, “But...I think that I need to understand what happened? Did I do something to,”

“No!” she exclaimed immediately. “No. It was nothing you did. Never think that it was you,”

“Alright,” he said calmly. “Then what was it?”

She didn’t look up from her cup, running a finger over the rim.

“Talk to me, love,” he encouraged softly.

“You’ve consumed me, Azriel,” she confessed, her voice barely audible. “From the moment I saw you, you’ve consumed me. And I guess…” she sighed, “I was stupid…a stupid, stupid person because I didn’t know,”

“What?”

“Whether I was infatuated, or in love with you. So I thought that maybe, if I expose myself to another man, even in some minor way, I might be able to tell what I feel,”

“And? Did you?”

“Dorian…” she swallowed nervously, “he is a nice guy. He is in Law School with Nesta—that’s how I know him. When he asked to go to dinner, and I said yes,”

She looked up at him, tears threatening to spill out from her eyes,

“And I felt nothing,” she admitted, her voice broken somehow. “I could only think of you. The entire time, I could only think of you and I knew that it wasn’t fair to him…”

Azriel agreed, “probably not”.

“And I knew that I’d made a colossal mistake… But,” she set her cup on the floor and squeezed her fingers. “I…”

She halted. Said nothing else.

Azriel waited.

“What?” he probed, sensing that there was something she wasn’t telling him. He reached for her, but she only shrunk into herself.

“Elain, what is it?” he pressed.

She blushed and murmured, “promise me you won’t leave me, if I tell you.”

His brow furrowed, “Please,” he begged, “tell me what’s going? You are legit scaring me right now.”

“You won’t lea--,”

“Don’t be ridiculous! I am not leaving you, no matter what. But are you alright?”

She pulled her hair from the towel and it spilled over her shoulders, half-obscuring her face. He reached and tucked the wet strands behind her ears, so he could see her face.

“Talk to me, baby,” he urged gently.

She exhaled and then said, looking straight at him,

“I’ve never been with a man, Az.”

He looked at her and then blurted, absurdly, “Like a virgin? But you are so hot!”

She couldn’t help and burst out laughing.

“I guess not hot enough,” she shrugged, a bit more relaxed about the situation now that he seemed relieved and smirking too.

He exhaled, deeply, bubbling his lips, “Phew…I thought it was something,” he shook his head, not able to express his relief. “Important…Something, I don’t know, serious?”

“What would be serious?”

“I don’t even know,” he admitted, “but certainly more serious than a hymen!”

He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips.

“And I appreciate you telling me,” he said seriously, kissing the inside of her hand, but then, that glint in his eyes returned and he asked, “so did you want the hunky Dorian to deflower you?”

She pushed at him with her foot and he fell back dramatically in his chair,

“Auuu, you are so unbelievably violent!” he complained, rubbing his side.

“I can be even more violent!” she threatened.

He was laughing, but then he caught her feet in his hands and squeezed them gently, holding them on his lap.

“So you didn’t have boyfriends in high school? In college?” he asked at last, genuinely perplexed.

She sighed and explained,

“In high school I was dating Luce,”

“You were dating a girl?” his brow furrowed. “I didn’t know,”

She started to laugh,

“No! Luce is a man. Lucien,”

“Oh…Oh. Every time you mentioned Luce, I just assumed he was a she.”

“No, he is my best friend. The closest friend I’ve ever had, besides maybe Nesta. We’ve always been close and then in high school, we began dating,” she tugged on her wet hair, “or rather, go on dates.”

“What’s the difference?”

“I didn’t know either—not in the beginning. But then, when we were juniors in 11th grade, he came out, to me only.”

“Ahhh,”

“Lucien’s step-father is really horrible. Like, awful. Physically abusive to all his sons, and always fancied himself this alpha male. So for Lucien to come out to him would have been suicide.

“We agreed that we’d continue our ‘dating’, until we graduate, and Luce was looking at schools only in California. As far as possible from here, from Beron.”

“And you were…okay with it?” he inquired, gently massaging her feet.

She shrugged, “I suppose I was. Luce and I had a good relationship,”

“But it was without any,”

“Intimacy,” she nodded. “I don’t know, I suppose it was enough…My mother had died recently and we lost most of our money, so I guess dating and boyfriends weren’t a priority, if I am being honest.”

He nodded with understanding.

“And college?”

“I had a boyfriend,” her voice wobbled a little, “but he…”

The heavy gaze that Azriel levelled at her told her that he already guessed.

“Sometimes,” she said, “when you are in the situation, you don’t see the warning signs,”

“Did he hit you?” his voice, so cold and menacing, sent a chill down her body.

She shook her head, “No. It didn’t get that far…Cass interfered,”

“Cass?”

“We’ve known Cass for at least a year,” she reminded him, “before he started dating Nesta. He spent a lot of time with us, at the house, because I think he didn’t want to part with Nesta,”

Azriel smiled, “No he didn’t. He wouldn’t stop talking about her for a year…I’d never seen him like that. First Rhys, then Cassian…Guess there is something special about these Archeron sisters,” he decided and stroked her face lovingly, smiling at her. She tucked his palm between her cheek and shoulder and kissed it.

“They do have a tendency to fall in love with the three brothers,” she agreed.

“Yes, they do.”

“Cass, he called us ‘his girls’—Feyre and I. Always asking after ‘his girls’, bringing us presents, doing fun things with us. And I came to love him so much,” she sighed. “And I know that he truly loves us too…But you know Cass—he is a no-nonsense kind of a guy. So once, he observed Graysen with me,”

“Graysen?” Azriel rolled his eyes. “That’s a horrible fucking name,”

She laughed,

“It matched his personality. But you know, on paper, he looked great. Handsome, good family, money,”

“So basically Dorian?”

Elain rolled her eyes,

“You are never going to have me live this down, will you?”

“Not for a while.”

“At least you are honest. Gray, he just…didn’t care, I guess? It was all about him. When I’d talk about opening my shop, it would just be a plain ‘no’. He’s put me down…” she sighed, “sometimes comment on my weight—I was either too fat or too thin.” Azriel flinched at that. She continued, “He’d tell me what to eat. What to wear. Where to go,”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he muttered.

Then, he sat up straight in the chair and opened his arms to her.

“Come here.”

Elain, a bit unsure, and a bit rattled by the memories, moved towards him. He cupped her face in his broad scarred hands and said, “All in the past. Now, it’s just you and me.”

She nodded, gently squeezing his wrists. He leaned in closer and she nodded. His sort of power, the more aggressive and primal, and seemingly more dominant than what Graysen could ever conjure up, did not scare Elain at all. He beckoned and seduced her with that pursuit and challenge, but he did not frighten or oppress. It was similar to what Cassian possessed and how he managed to seduce Nesta with it, turned her compliant to his demand and instruction, or Lorcan with Elide. Azriel’s power, his seduction, were more cerebral, his affection passionate, but controlled. Elain could abandon herself to him, and yet she knew that she’d never be abused or taken advantage of, no matter how much control she relinquished.

This kiss was sultry and voluptuous, and it felt dirtier, heavier than their first one. He sucked her lips, is tongue softly grinding against her in a smouldering, almost smug rhythm. He fucked into her mouth steadily, and purposefully, rendering her completely breathless in his arms almost instantly, forcing all thoughts of previous loves and heartaches out of her head. She made a tiny, strangled noise deep inside her throat and squeezed his wrists harder.

“Tell me things, baby,” he muttered heatedly against her lips, thumbs brushing over her cheeks.

She smiled, “what things would you like to hear?” He kissed her softly, lips pecking on hers playfully, and said, “all the things…all the good things that you told me before,”

“That I love you?” she asked simply, looking at him with earnest, undimming desire.

“Yes,” he groaned, pulling her closer to him, until she was straddling his thighs, her legs naturally falling on either side of him. A desperate moan escaped his lips, as Elain licked on them with the tip of her tongue, before he demanded, between kisses and caresses of his tongue in her parted mouth, “more,”

“I love you. I love you,” she breathed, then panted, “you are mine…I am yours. Forever, if you’d like,”

“I’d like forever,” he agreed.

She pulled away, her soft, lovely face serious,

“Az,”

“Elain,”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” she asked, and he grinned, nodding. She sounded absurdly solemn about this, like she was signing a business contract. “I love you. I want you to be my boyfriend,”

“Alright, babygirl, I will be your boyfriend,” he nodded easily.

“No jokes.”

He then said in turn, “But you’ll be mine.”

She nodded.

“In every way,” he added, in a tone that did not allow space for much argument. “Body,” and he lightly ran his knuckles against the side of her breast, and she nodded. He added, “but I want more,”

“What do you want, Az?”

“Love,” he said simply.

She kissed him. “I love you,” she said.

He waited.

“I chose you, Azriel, the moment I saw you. When my heart dropped at the sight of you, and when everything fell into place. I don’t mind choosing you for the rest of my life, if you have me,” she murmured shyly.

“I will have you,” he agreed, her admission making him swallow hard, a thick glob of air lodged in his throat. He might have cried, if he weren’t so happy. His flower girl. His.

He looked and looked, and considered something. She waited, silent. Silence was always a friend between the two of them. Silence was easy and unoppressive and welcome. It allowed them space, and yet they remained together in that mute, mutual understanding. While he was thinking, she took his hand and softly kissed each scarred fingertip.

“I am calling on my bargain,” he declared suddenly, and stroked her head.

Confused, she scrunched her face and muttered, “what?”

He grabbed her behind in his strong hands and somehow, managed to rise up, with her clutching at him. His nose burrowed into her ear and she squirmed, giggling, when he grunted, “what a nice little ass!”

“You seem to like it,” she laughed, wrapping her arms around him.

“I love it!”

“Now what about this bargain?” she reminded him, a bit concerned. “What are we doing?”

“Whatever I want!”

“Az!”

“Lainey.”

He headed for the door, with her in his arms, and she screeched, “I don’t even have shoes on!”

“You don’t need shoes where we are going,”

“Azriel!”

“Why are you so fussy?” he mused, smirking, as he made it down the stairs.

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“I don’t have to tell you. All I promised was that it’s not going to be ‘bad’ whatever that means.”

She sighed, shaking her head, muttering under her breath. He, in turn, very much enjoyed her clutching at him, her body in his arms, her wet hair swiping over his arm. She looked very cute, if very ridiculous in his clothes, and frankly, he was too elated, too disbelieving that this was even real, to let her go. He held her and nuzzled at her neck, at her face, sometimes returning to her beautiful mouth.

He carried her through the still-empty premises, though waiters at the bar and delivery people in the kitchen were starting their day. When they saw their boss carrying a woman, who frequently visited him here in the past few months, they pretended not to notice, as if this was a normal affair. In fact, no other woman ever came here, to visit him. He’s never been seen with a woman, never said that he had a girlfriend, even if women seemed to lose their minds in his presence. But until this one—absolutely not the type of a woman he typically attracted—he never allowed anyone to get close to him.

Azriel made his way into the cavernous insides of the building, at last entering the tattoo shop that he had on premises. It was elegantly outfitted and bore his usual aesthetic—restrained, modern, striking with its use of black, white, and splashes of cobalt.

Elain looked around, when he set her down and pointed out, “I’ve been here before.”

He nodded.

As she wandered about, looking at various lithographs and prints with unique tattoo designed, she finally stopped abruptly and whirled to him,

“No!”

He was laughing under his breath.

“No!” she exclaimed again.

“No what?” he winked, sitting down on a stool, and patting on a leather recliner beside it.

“You…” she fumed. “No!”

He tsked, “A bargain is a bargain.”

“Azriel!” she stomped her foot.

He crossed his arms on his chest and looked at her, “Elain.”

“I am not getting a tattoo!”

“You most certainly are. Stop being a wuss and come here.”

“I am not going to,” she insisted.

“You know,” he notified her conversationally, as he started to prep his equipment, “a shitty little Bagarat tattoo is like $800 bucks,”

“Congratulations. Give it to someone else,” she offered, scowling. “Maybe someone would like a sleeve for twenty grand!”

“I won’t give you a sleeve. Jeez, you’ll probably faint at the first prick,”

She huffed, “I will not!”

He shrugged.

She pressed, “I will not. I am not afraid of needles and I have a high pain tolerance.”

“Lots of talk, babe, no action,”

Stomping angrily, she crossed the open space and challenged, “do you even know how to tattoo?”

“Cass and Rhys…” he winked. “And whenever Rowan decides to add to his collection…Or Gavriel,”

Those were some of the finest, most intricate designs that Elain’s ever seen.

“You did those?” she asked, brow furrowed.

He nodded.

“They are beautiful,” she whispered.

“Will you trust me?” his voice softened and he extended his hand to her.

Elain sighed and then slid on the lounge chair. It was comfortable. She was nervous.

“What will it be?” she asked. “May I see it?”

Wordlessly, he pulled a piece of paper from a folder, but then did not give it to her. She waited. He suddenly seemed uncertain, almost shy.

“Az,” she said gently, “may I see it? I am sure it’s beautiful.”

He swallowed and then explained, “I traced it the first day…evening…When we met, and you were here, at the garage. I,” he exhaled and then looked at her, “anyway…I was overwhelmed, I guess. I fell in love with you and all I could think of was you.”

The words warmed her up, and everything in her softened at his nervousness, at his admission.

“I want it,” she took the paper from him.

“It’s just for you,” he clarified. “It’s unique to you. I needed to quiet my brain and capture the essence of you, and this was it,”

Elain looked at the drawing. It was smaller than she expected, and rendered masterfully—an absolutely exquisite flower cradled in an embrace of two wings.

He swallowed tightly, and then said, “It’s called On the Wings of Desire.”

Without saying anything, Elain pulled up the shirt that she was wearing, just up to her chest. He looked down at her, expectantly.

She put her hand under her left breast, where her heart was and said, “there. I need it there.”

He nodded, remaining silent.

She saw that this was important to him, some ritual that he desired for her to go through, some sort of marking. That’s what it was. It dawned on her, at last. This was his mark, on her. He was going to do it himself, put a part of him, of his creation, of his work, not just on her skin, but within her blood, into her.

She clasped his hand and his eyes flew to her, a shadow of apprehension and anxiety in them, probably as much emotion as he’d be willing to show. He feared that she’d changed her mind.

“Az,” she licked her lip, suddenly nervous to request this of him. “Can you,”

“What?”

“Can you do it on you as well?” she proposed quietly.

He, it seemed, was unable to verbalize what he needed to, so she helped him, “Same spot, alright? Across your heart. So you know that I am always with you, as you are with me.”

He nodded vigorously, clearly relieved and absolutely in love with her proposition.

“Who will do it?” she wondered. “Please don’t ask me!” she laughed.

He smirked. “Nuala. She will do it. Only Nuala or Rowan tattoo me.”

She nodded and then relaxed back into the leather.

“No crying,” he said.

“Alright,” she shrugged. “Kind of weird that you are this sensitive to pain, but okay. I’ll hold your hand.”

He was laughing.

“I thought only Nesta had a big mouth like that,” he said, as he prepped the skin and pulled on his gloves.

“Mistake number one,” teased Elain.

“I am seeing that now,”

He then said, “Okay, I may accidentally brush against the boobie,”

“How accidentally?” she chuckled, while he pressed the outline into her skin. Then, the needle began its wheezing and Elain winced, as the first prick of the needle stung her skin.

“You good?”

“Yeah,” it was more painful than she expected, and she figured that the spot that she selected was probably not the best and would hurt more than an arm or a leg, but she was set on it.

“Absolutely, totally accidentally,” he lied. “You are the one who chose the spot,” he pointed out.

Elain was a trooper. She did not make any hissing noises or any sounds at all throughout the tattooing. The shading was the longest and most painful part, and even then, she remained composed and only winced a few times.

“I am sorry,” he murmured repeatedly, especially when a bit of blood seeped onto her skin.

“Prick your finger,” she whispered.

“What?”

“Prick your finger,”

“And?”

The soft doe-eyes blinked at him a few times, and she said, “I think you know what to do.”

So he did. He pricked his finger and mixed his blood with hers.

Nuala offered to tattoo ‘No Regerts’ on Azriel’s chest, if Elain so desired. She considered it, while Nuala explained that Azriel was now at their mercy and they could do whatever they wanted to him. At the end, he walked away with only a small tattoo over his heart.

It was about 8 am when Azriel and Elain left the garage. The sun was shining and there were no remnants of the previous storms. It was like it never happened. But it did happen. Everything happened.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, slinging his heavy, muscled arm around her shoulders. She’s been clutching at her side the whole time.

She shook her head no and looked at him. He smiled and then kissed her.

“I love you,” he murmured suddenly. Elain’s face broke into a loving smile and she reciprocated by kissing him back. “Let’s go home.”

#la dolce vita #elriel fanfic #elriel #azriel fanfic #azriel fanfiction #elriel fanfiction #elain fanfic #my writing #new chapter #acotar fanfiction #sjm books #azriel #azriel and elain #elain archeron #elain

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circethegoblin · 3 years

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STAYING ALIVE MASTERPOST, FROM A BROKE TEEN WITH ADHD

here you go. some down to earth tips on how to not die metally nor physically.

tired of those "drink three liters of water everyday uwu" and "wake up at 5 am" and "buy a bath bomb and a fec mask and some other things you don't have the money for" shit? i'm here for ya.

1. NOT DYING

eat at least three meals a day, one of which m u s t be warm and above 300 kcal (it can be istant ramen with an egg added if you have to)

you technically should shower everyday, but we know how it is. A change of clothes is sometimes enough.

DRY SHAMPOO AND BABY WIPES!!!

keep bottles with water everywhere. On your desk, near that spot on the floor you always end up sitting on, near your bed, basically whenever you know you spend a lot of time. No need to get up and go to the kitchen will help. Obviously change the water in the bottles as often as you can.

Get some form of physical activity. It doesn't have to be much, you can for example replace scrolling on tiktok by walking around your room and scrolling on tiktok! Brilliant, isn't it? Obviously, running or doing those 10 minutes workouts from youtube is better, but you are still getting like an hour of walking.

Buy blankets. Steal blankets. Summon blankets from other dimensions. Just make sure you have a lot of warm, soft blankets in your house. You will thank me when you won't have the anergy to wash your sheets (just take them off and throw some blankets on your bed), or when the power goes out.

If you have pets, ALWAYS keep spare food that'll last for a week for them.

things to always have in the kitchen: milk, eggs, flour, rice, pasta, yeast, cheese, oil, a leafy vegetable, onions, tomatoes, apples, patatoes, some flavourful sauce, sugar, salt, spices and an emergency chocolate bar. You can make a lot of food with those. Just make sure you won't eat the chocolate too fast.

Have a lot of spare batteries. A lot.

Get urself a flashlight, a lighter, and a pocket knife.

Remember the apples? eat one a day. if you don't like apples or you can't eat them for any other reason, you can take a kiwi, banana, orange, basically something that will give you vitamins and non processed sugar.

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

drugs from that one guy around the corner = very bad time

2. NOT DYING INSIDE

Open the damn window.

Don't watch so many commentary videos. You are probably not even checking the sources, so you can easily make unjust judgement, and like. did you even hear of half of those people before?

make a discord server just for yourself. get into the habit of writing little things that happened to you there. rant about the fanfics you read. or the movies. vent there if you don't have anyone you can vent to. write your ideas there, write e v e r y t h i n g. make a section for passwords, for quick ideas, for your to do lists. you won't lose it as you do with sticky notes or notebooks. there is no risk anyone will see it. oh, and when you'll have a strong impulse to tell emily that you hate her? write that message in your private server and list all ur arguments. look at tat the next day and decide if you really mean that.

life sucks. come to peace with it.

cuddle ur pets if you have them

1 hour a day without a lot of sensory input. if you have to, reduce to half an hour.

if you find yourself scrolling endlessly through social media, make sure it's pintrest (just don't compare urself to the people here; if you have issues with that, tumblr may be better)

delete. twitter. from. your. phone.

influencers are lying to you; maybe not even intentionally. remember when you were watching that cute-aesthetic-productive morning routine, and you were wondering why your life isn't that pretty? why your room is a mess? why you cannot for the life of god be aesthetic 24/7? its the filter. don't worry about it, their lifes arent that nice either.

realize there's actually nothing stopping you from screaming as loud as you can right now. like there is no physical barrier. think about it. realize there's no actual physical barierr to many other things.

your body is your body. you can decide how it looks like; just remember it's in your greatest interest to keep it healthy.

3. BEING A LITTLE BETTER THAN JUST ALIVE

If you wear make up, take it off before you go to sleep.

moisturize your body; everything is better when your skin doesn't feel dry

have a one brand of cosmetics that you love and buy things mainly from it. they often have sets of products that complete each other. i like ziaja. it's a polish brand, it's surprisingly cheap and has nice quality

cleanser, moisturizer, face mist

of you can, change your sheets once every two weeks

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

do a deep house clean once a month (don't beat yourself up when you don't tho)

keep your workspace organized (it doesn't have to look organized to other people, remember)

sunscreen

cook your own food

keep a calendar

no money for scented candles? got ya. make a simmer pot: throw some apple peel, a couple of cinnamon sticks and whatever spices that smell good you have into a pot, add some water and simmer. boom. your house smells good, and you haven't spend 20 dollars.

If you really like candles, buy scented wax melts. it's cheaper.

Buy urself scented mists. they're pretty cheap and will make you feel A LOT better.

keep your clothes clean. if you aren't sure if that shirt thats on your chair is dirty or not, throw it in the washing mashine anyway. better be sure.

if you can, make your bed right when you get up

wear clothes that make you feel good. put some effort into your outfits. really.

4. OTHER PEOPLE

be nice to essential workers.

if you have money, give tips.

remember, you do not owe anyone love; it is not something you can force. even if they saved your life. even when they helped you in your darkest time. if you don't love them, you don't.

you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy.

if you want to, date! date everyone! date girls, date boys, date nonbinary people! date people completly different than you, date people from different countries, date them!!! just make sure they're kind and won't kill you. even if you don't end up in a relationship, you can learn a lot.

don't be afraid to piss off people that deserve it

smile to strangers :)

5. NOT FAILING SCHOOL

heard of dark academia? check it out

romanticize the heck out of studying

do not let your studying be just reading the same partagraph over and over again. it won't work. believe me.

seterra for geography, quizlet for everything else

try to make yourself intrestet in whatever you are studying (watch veritasium, listen to podcasts about weird history facts)

notes are for you and you only; don't worry about them looking pretty. doodle on margins, make weird metaphors, squeeze in as much info as you can.

when you're studying, listen to music without words/in a language you don't understand.

chew gum while you study

get the forest app, get attached to the trees, focus.

don't feel guilty for taking breaks

grades aren't everything, but they are important.

eat something in school

don't just use the cheapest pens. invest a couple dollars in something that will make writing enjoyable and smooth

those study with me videos? they're great

if you like to argue with the teachers, take care of your grades becouse. they may not like you afterwards.

be nice to your classmates and help them with homework. if you don't do your homework they'll help you

executive dysfunction won't let you study? been there. sometimes it's better to wake up ealier tommorow and do that homework then.

don't feel guilty for failing a test

go to the goddamn class

don't pull all nighters oh my god don't especially on weekdays

6. OTHER LIFEHACKS

don't get involved in the crime, and if you do always have a believable explanation why you were doing it

have different alarm sounds for every day of the week

set a daily limit of money that you spend

great hobbies that don't require a lot of money; urban exploration, writing, hiking and learning other languages

thrift stores

don't eat grapefruits while on meds

nail polish removers dissolve most strong glues.

if you have a cut on your skin, desinfect it. do it. please just do it.

always have pads with you. even if you don't get periods, at least one of your friends probably does

#life hacks #life #not dying #staying alive #no one will see this #who cares though

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