#as someone who wrote that thing from 4 years ago that i'm still proud of

[emmyrosee]

are u down 4 sum lil angst?? well, i'm just curious how would it be being the famous star volleyball player, Sakusa Kiyoomi's TOTGA?

YOU HAD N O RIGHT MATE

ok so fun emmy history, back when I was a wee child and before the miya twins were even a thing, i wrote a self insert that I’m still weirdly proud of today so congratulations, you scratched that memory HHEISBSOSN-

Hey! Future Emmy here. so... major tw; kiyoomi is very mean, extremely toxic, and i for sure went overboard, but there's a lot of blaming and yelling and just. ugh. this piece hurt my own heart smh.

-

But listen. You slipped into Sakusa Kiyoomi’s life surprisingly. He wasn’t expecting you or even just to date at all, you were just at the right places in the right times where he finally felt at ease in your presence. You just understood who he was beyond surface level, and he’d never had that in someone before.

You loved him before he was cool, before he was anyone other than a top ace in Japan. You were the first to tell him it was okay to mess up, do something other than eat drink and sleep volleyball, even if he wants it to take up most of his time.

Time, he no longer has, when he gets injured.

It wasn't like it was an inopportune time- though, as a college athlete, there really is no good time to get injured- if anything, it was spontaneous and had he not had dreams of making it big, he'd never think twice of it.

But he gets injured. Junior year of college, just as his name starts to grow in the industry, and he gets injured. Bad ankle, it’s actually a former injury from his childhood that apparently didn’t heal right.

There’s articles that spread about Bokuto Koutarou, how he’s climbing the ranks and how Miya Atsumu, the same little rat who bothered him in high school received an offer from god knows what team, and he’s fuming.

That should be him and his setter getting those offers and climbing that ladder, it’s been him and him alone for years, and he knows it's bitter to hate people for their successes, but its not fucking fair, he deserves more than this.

He deserves more than doctors trying to encourage surgery to heal at the sacrifice of volleyball, he deserves more than flowers and cards of best wishes, more than Miya Atsumu texting him to see if he's okay, he deserves more than any being on earth could give him.

And that includes you.

"Baby, did you finally call the surgeon?" You ask, coming in with a water bottle and a cup of his meds.

Apparently, that's more than enough to set him off.

"I don't need surgery."

He hears you sigh, "the doctor says the tear is too big just for physical therapy, you'll need the extra support-"

"In case you forgot, I was fucking there."

His breath becomes hot, and he can't peel his eyes from the commercials playing on the tv. The room suddenly feels suffocating, and of he could will himself to do it, he'd apologize and tell you he loves you, he's just tense and hurt, and he's grateful you're here, and-

"I'm the one who's life is going down the tubes. Fun fact."

The other thoughts in his mind are static. merely an incoherent buzz. You're his victim now, to his ugliest sides that therapy and his family prodded back years ago.

There's no one to prod it back now.

"I... I didn't mean any harm, I promise-"

"You really shouldn't talk to me right now," he snarls, rage bubbling and clawing away at his soul. There's a bubbling of tears that rip at his waterline in a demand to fall, but he's blinded to anything else.

He hates his life. He hates his ankle. He hates his doctors for telling him it may not heal right ever.

He hates you.

"Kiyoomi, please-"

He bears his teeth like a dog in an attack, and you flinch back slightly. "If you hadn't fucking distracted me, this never would've happened." He hears you whine in your throat.

he ignores it.

"I was fine," he barks. "I was happy before you. I was strong, I was powerful, I was a damned force to be reckoned with." He crawls closer to you on the couch, and when you cower to try and get away, he chases your body with his torso.

When you stand up, he does too. His leg lights every single nerve up in a blaze of agony, but he's too gone in his own rage to think about it.

"I... I know you're mad, but please, sit down Kiyoomi-"

You're right.

"Shut the hell up!"

Even on one foot, he towers over you threateningly. You bring your hands up to try and force distance between you both; your touch does ground him slightly, but not enough to stop his scorn.

You sniffle softly, clearly uncomfortable, "you're just mad... and that's okay. Please stop shouting at me, we can make this work, kiyoomi."

Now, his eyes are scalding with furious tears.

"I want this to work, oomi... please, stop shouting-"

“It doesn’t matter if you want it to work,” he snaps. “I’ve got a plan to stick to that’s already been screwed because of us, AND IT'S YOUR GODDAMNED FAULT!"

When you sob and crumple to your feet, there’s a small part of kiyoomi that comes to, the words suddenly sour on his tongue. He feels… confused, he doesn’t know where it came from inside of him, but the way your eyes water from his words snaps him back to reality.

“I’m… im ruining your plan?” You choke, and god kiyoomi wants the floor to engulf him whole. Because duh, of course now you’re not he’s just the scum of the earth, you’re all he can think of wanting in this shitty life, but he can’t say that, not when your hands cover your mouth in distress and horror, tears slipping over your fingers. He feels the blood leave his face when you take a step back, followed by another, then one as you turn on your heel to leave.

“Wait-“

“No, Kiyoomi,” you snap, and its his turn to feel your rage, your head whipping to look at him in betrayal. “No. I’m officially done waiting for you.”

And despite the fact that he wants to chase you, wants to gather you in his arms and pin you to the wall and demand you listen to him, listen to why his plan has changed and how you’ve completely ruined all of it in the best ways, he can’t. His leg throbs at the mere idea.

He just. Stands there, frozen for god knows how long, staring at the long slammed door, wondering if you’d come back for something you’d forgot in your exit. Something dumb, like a charger or a water bottle, something easily replaceable but you wanted from him just as a last chance makeup.

But you don’t. And once his good leg starts to cramp from standing there, he slowly moves his way to his bedroom.

And he’s fine. Honest!

Sitting by himself in the cold of night gives him more time to think about the future. The one without you, of course. Limping around the dorm on crutches makes his arms ache and knees weak, and the backpack on his shoulders making him fall forwards is plenty to make his elbows strengthen up (they’re withering away) and his breathing circulate (he’s breathing back tears of pain and frustration.)

He can’t… he can’t do this without you.

Call him selfish, but his life was not only easier with you around, it was better, it was fun to love you and have you scream his name from the stands, but now that seat is occupied by someone else when it should be yours and yours alone.

He’s tried to get over it. He’s tried to get everything in line, get you the hell out of his mind but he can’t.

You’re different. He hates you for it. There’s something about you that refused to leave his mind and soul. Every time someone is interested in him, he feels disgusted because every crush is based on appearances now; it never was with you. Every time someone laughs, his first thought is how much he misses yours. When one of those stupid fast food commercials comes on in the late hours of night, he smiles sadly as he remembers the way your eyes would meet his and you’d beg him for some fries at ungodly hours.

He has to move on. It’s been fucking years. Why hasn’t he moved on?

Any sane person by now would have moved on, passed through his heartbreak and try to find another, but he’s so emotionally unavailable at this point. Every thought and every reminder that plagues him continues to hit like a ton of bricks every time.

Maybe it's guilt.

No, its definitely guilt.

He loved you, more than you could imagine, he appreciated you more than he can express, and to show you how much you mean to him, he blamed you for his failures.

No wonder he deserves to be alone.

And just when his exhaustion can't grow, his self destruction and crumbling self worth can't get lower, he gets thrown in another circle of hell that he seems to find himself in; this time, in a coffee shop he frequents. Not too many familiar faces, just a couple blocks from the train, and up until that point, only having known him as an alias.

Until today, when the Gods decide to torture him a bit more.

“Name?”

“Sakusa,” he says, not even thinking as he scrolls on his phone. There’s a high pitched gasp from the girl, and it makes his eye twitch.

“NO WAY!!! Oh my gosh, you’re THE sakusa kiyoomi?! Oh my gosh, wait, hold on- can I get a picture? No, wait, you’re not into those- can I get an autograph? I knew you looked familiar, my sister and I watch you play all the time! I’m such a fan!-“

“Uh… thanks. Can I have my tea-“

The girl doesn’t answer, instead, she calls for her co-worker who barrels out in equal excitement.

On any normal day, kiyoomi would snap. He’d scold and snarl about how rude they were, how he’s still a fucking person who just so happens to be good at volleyball, but he’s like a deer in headlights. He’s too surprised at his own stupidity of not using his usual alias, how damn tired is he?

There’s a weight that feels like a ton of bricks that settles on his chest once he hears the line behind him complaining about how long it’s taking, then people behind the register flashing pictures that have him blinded and asking him questions he doesn’t want to answer, he just wants his tea for God’s sake and-

“HEY!” There’s a snap from someone at a table, and it breaks up the small, impromptu paparazzi at the front. “People are trying to work here, and not get a damn seizure from your damn pictures!” He feels all that anxiety break on his shoulders once they cower away. “And shame on you all!” They continue, the line slowly parting to let them continue shouting. “He may be famous but he’s still a damn person! Make the fucking drink and GO!”

Kiyoomi doesn’t want to look. Even if he’s eternally grateful for them, he knows that scold and he knows that bravery to call out random people for their shiftiness.

Because it’s the same thing you used to do all those years ago.

He winced and pulls the mask higher on his nose to keep himself concealed- as if he’s not a 190.5 cm monster. But you don’t say anything about anything that just happened, you must be deep in your work to not process just exactly who you were defending.

He gets his tea with a quick apology from the baristas, and he heads to the door to leave.

….

…right?

He’s gone. He’s on the bus, headphones in and heading to practice, audiobook putting him in a new world where his only current connection is the hot tea in his hands.

Right?

There’s always been a table on the bus, a table he rudely stalks up to, where you’re sitting and typing away furiously at your laptop and massaging one of your temples, too engrossed in your work to notice the outside hitter standing just in front of you.

“Uh…” he chews his lip nervously. You don’t look up.

This is the chance Komori’s been talking about. If he doesn’t take it, he’s going to hate himself forever.

“Thank you for standing up for me back there.”

“You’re welcome.”

He sighs staggered, “can I… uhm… repay the favor?”

To his extreme relief, you offer him a small chuckle, “maybe you can recommend a coffee shop where random cele…” your voice drifts off when you look up at him, jaw frozen open and eyes wide and dancing all over his face. You’re both just staring at each other, breathing ragged and tense, and his brows furrowing to try and hide the guilt and absolute need he has for you to continue the conversation.

You clear your throat, “your uhm… your foot healed uh… well.”

He wants to, but can’t, fight the snort that sneaks past his lips because that’s about the last thing he thought you’d say. But he sees you crack a smile too, and it’s worth it.

“Yeah,” he says after he clears his throat. “Yeah, I’m playing professionally now. Minor aches here and there, but nothing unusual.”

“So you got to stick with your plan,” you hum sadly, and his heart stops. “That’s wonderful, Sakusa. Im glad to hear it-“

“But my plan never felt complete,” he interrupts, and he sees your nostrils flare in annoyance. “I-I-I thought I knew what I wanted, but god, I didn’t. I don’t, I’ve always only wanted you.”

You offer him a shrug, “Kiyoomi, I was an intruder in your life; I can’t blame you for that, I shouldn’t have been there-“

“I wanted you there.”

“Clearly you didn’t,” you snip, and finally, he sighs in defeat. “You made it just fine without me in your plan.”

Fuck it.

If he’s here, he’s gonna lay all his cards, give you every last thought of his and leave you one more time to pick up your shattered pieces.

“I miss you.”

You freeze, but there’s a glazing of your waterline before you slowly, tensely, turn up to look at him.

“Don’t,” you snap. “Don’t do this, Sakusa.”

“I can’t help it,” he says, own voice twinging raw. "I hate it too. I hate that I've had to carry this weight with me for all these years, years I should've been with you, kept you safe and happy, and I couldn't even do that."

"You shattered what we had. Don't ever forget that."

"I never have been able to."

There's another silence surrounding you both, suffocating and hot and thick, and he gets flashbacks of a scenario not too dissimilar, where you're looking up at him with those same, betrayed eyes.

But your gaze doesn't last. It crumbles before you let out the breath you'd been holding, a sign that you're not going to waste your energy on him anymore, "you're too late, Kiyoomi. You don't get to miss me anymore."

When your hands shift to close your laptop, he sees it. The massive, heavy rock on your finger, glimmering under the soft lights of the coffee shop.

Kiyoomi feels sick. He could faint right now if his pride would let him. Instead, he swallows the bile in his throat and grits his teeth, giving you a smile and a casual scratch of the back of his head, "that's... that's awesome! I'm happy for you."

"Don't be," you smile sadly.

"Why?"

You shurg, "you don’t have to be happy for me. I’m happy for me. He's a friend of Bokuto-San's. Set us up not long after we broke up." Then, you sigh shakily, "I'm just here for work, I won't taint your coffee shops for much longer." It was an attempt to break up the heavy silence.

He could puke right now if he didn't feel completely defeated. He could strangle Bokuto in devastation.

In his younger, naïve efforts to drive you away, he drove you straight to someone else's arms.

He nods and chokes out a small "alright," before spinning on his heel away from you

He makes move to leave the coffee shop, but before he does, but before he can, he turns back to face you, trying to get one final look at you, soaking in your presence and soul before you vanish from his life forever. He calls your name, and you look at him one more time with that big, beautiful gaze.

"Do you believe in the one that got away?" he asks, and you process his answer before slipping your computer in your bag.

"Yeah. And I believe I'm yours- but you were too worried about losing volleyball. Now, I guess we all got what we wanted."

His veins turn icy as he tries to blink back the hot tears searing his waterline, turning his head to dodge your knowing eyes.

Everyone got what they wanted.

Except for his broken heart, of course.

#BRO 2800 WORDS SHUT UP #DONT LOOK AT ME #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa kiyoomi angst #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x gn!reader #sakusa kiyoomi x reader angst #sakusa kiyoomi haikyuu #sakusa kiyoomi imagine #sakusa #sakusa angst #sakusa x reader #sakusa x reader angst #sakusa x gn!reader #sakusa imagine #sakusa haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu angst #haukyuu x reader #haikyuu x gn!reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu x yn #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #tw toxic #tw toxic relationship #toxic tw #toxic relationship tw

[romanceandshenanigans]

Writer Q&A Game

Thanks to @clairelsonao3 for tagging me!

1. What motivates you to write?

I'm not exactly sure tbh. It almost feels like a compulsion. There are days where I simply do not feel good in my body if I haven't written anything. Then there are others where I can't bring myself to write because I'm too tired or too distracted from life. Honestly the second I get a clear head and enough time to myself, I'll start writing.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

This isn't from my WIP, but from a fanfic I wrote a while ago. I want to try to find a way to incorporate it into something. Not sure where though.

“I know this seems like it’s coming out of nowhere,” he said, “but promise it’s not. I’ve had a long time to think about it.  A few years, actually. I guess, I just didn’t realize how deep I was in it until about five minutes ago.”

She kept silent, but the simple fact she hadn’t told him to get out gave him the confidence to keep going. . 

“I meant it when I said I’m crazy about you. I like that you take your sugar with a drop of coffee.  I like how you sing to yourself when you’re happy.  I like that you never seem to get cold.  I like that you never lose your head under fire, but still need me to get rid of spiders. I like that you can laugh at yourself.  I like that you can laugh at me. Hell, I like that you’re perfectly willing to slap my face if the situation calls for it.

I like so many things about you Liz, and that’s just the stuff I found out on accident.  I can only imagine the stuff I’d learn if I started loving you on purpose."

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

I really do enjoy writing Finn. The boy just makes my smile.

Close second is another OC which I wrote for fanfic who I want to save and put someplace else, Lucy. She's my softest girl who has a lot of love to give. Might figure out a way to put her in this regency setting somewhere, but who knows.

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

The first draft spree. The moment when you get an idea and you have write it down as quickly as possible. It's rough and definitely will need some editing, but that rush cannot be topped. It just feels satisfying to exorcise even the smallest of scenes out of my body.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Dialogue, hands down. It's at least the part I've gotten the most compliments on.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

I've only just started to dip my toe in, but I really do love answering asks. I like seeing other writer's process and knowing I'm not alone. It's just fun!

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I've been using Scrivener and it's really helped me keep everything organized. I have a very conspiracy board way of drafting, so having all my random snippets in one place really helps.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

Not sure world building is my strong suit for this current WIP. I suppose I'm enjoying expanding the world of the theatre, but I admittedly need to do more research.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Write anyway. It doesn't have to be the scene that's giving you trouble. It doesn't even have to be for the piece you're trying to focus on, just don't get out of the habit of writing. Once you lose that momentum, it takes a long time to get it back.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

Gotta give a shout out to @clairelsonao3 for being so welcoming in my introduction to the writeblr community. And @janec23, for being one of the few specifically romance writers to reach out.

But I really can't begin to thank all the people who have followed me from my fanfic blog over to this one. It really means so much to know people are interested in reading anything I put out there.

@flapjacques, @jo-harrington, @can-of-pringles, @handahbear, @auroramagpie, @justanothersadperson93, @sad-cat-hours, @ghostface001, @theowlwhocameback, @mattmurdocksscars, @roruna, @everything-intertwined, @sweetjedi, @arcanerazil, @vibratingbonesbis, @delirious0pandemonium, @llovelykenobi, @geek-girl7, @mixedupanddown

Know that I love and appreciate you all.

I'm also going to leave this an OPEN tag to anyone who wants to do this, and especially invite everyone who I have tagged above. (and

#tag game #writeblr #wip: untitled regency romance #writeblr asks #about the author #writeblr tag game

[metalheadmickey]

New Year's Ask Game for Fic Writers 🤍

I was tagged by a couple of pals to do this a few days ago, and i'm finally getting to it! thank you @ardent-fox @suzy-queued @energievie 🖤

To close out 2023…

1) What fic did you have the most fun writing this year and why? Or, if you can’t decide, what was most fun about writing this year for you?

the most fun i had was while writing honeycomb, because julissa @heymrspatel and i got to play with our horny psychic link again and it was the BEST.

2) What’s a scene/story that you finished and felt “wow, I really accomplished that, that actually went so well”?

let them see. writing ian and mickey fucking with an audience and making it believable was HARD. i'm still not sure how well i accomplished that, but i'm proud of it.

3) What helped provide the most inspiration for stories, if anything? Was it poetry? A song on repeat? A gorgeous gifset? A walk outside? A book you read that made you want to change everything? Whatever it was! Tell all.

i listened to infinite granite by deafheaven on repeat. i just think it's beautiful, and it's good music for zoning out and imagining. lyrics from that album sometimes serve as working titles for my fics before they get real titles, and in fact i did name a fic after lyrics from that album. waiting in the light

4) What is something you want to share about what you’ve written this year? A particular line, a comment that made you feel really good, a scene that was difficult to write — you get to choose! What do you wish someone would ask you about when it comes to what you’ve written?

i just wanna talk about feels like a dream. setting the atmosphere for that was so fun. i wrote it so quickly, i could see it all so clearly in my head. i wanna talk about ian sucking on mickey's tongue. i wanna talk about the moment ian puts the collar on mickey and how he gets him to tell him why he wants it. i wanna talk about how ian talks to him and takes care of him and makes him feel owned. i wanna talk about how mickey sucks ian's dick like he needs it to live. i wanna talk about how important the atmosphere is in that moment, how even they felt like they didn't want to move too quickly and disturb what they had built up that night. i wanna talk about how mickey's so sleepy while ian's fucking him that he wonders if his orgasm is going to jerk him awake or make him even more sleepy and blissed out. oh god, and mickey calling ian daddy throughout. i just think it's sexy. i wrote it in september but i posted it at the very end of kinktober when people were likely just burnt out on it, but it's there and it's dreamy and it's kinky and i like it.

And to start off 2024…

1) Do you have any writing/creation goals for the year? What are they?

yes! i just want to post more fics. i still want to participate in kinktober and i want to format it differently this year. i want to write a multichapter au as well.

2) Is there a fic or idea that you’re really excited to be able to continue to work on in the new year (shout out to my fellow fic writing folks who take forever to finish wips, sometimes it’s nice to be able to continue working on something even if you wish you’d gotten it done! Now you get even MORE time with it!)

yeah, that multichapter au idea! i had written quite a bit for it and i HATED the direction it was going in and it made me want to scrap the whole thing. i had a helpful conversation about it with bee a few weeks ago and i've got new ideas for it, so really i want to tackle that. it just feels daunting because i've written thousands of words that i feel like i need to get rid of. i basically need to start over to make it work. but it'll happen!

3) What’s something new in your writing you want to try/are going to try? A different writing style? Different fandom? Darker works? Fluffier? Longer or shorter?

baby's first au! also i think i mentioned this before but i wanna try writing destiel smut. like deeply emotional, feral, inhuman, otherworldly reunion fucking. we'll see if i ever get to it though.

4) What’s something you love about your own writing that you will continue to appreciate in the new year?

i think i'm good at writing physical sensation. i find smut really fun and i think i'm pretty good at it. not just because i'm good at describing physical sensation, but for all kinds of reasons. i think i'm reasonably good at keeping ian and mickey in character while they're doing all kinds of things, and i like that. i think i'm good at setting a tone and atmosphere. i don't know man i just like it to be a sensory experience, and i think it often is.

i'm late but i'll tag a few people anyway! @whatwouldmickeydo @whatthebodygraspsnot @gallawitchxx @sisitrip @thisdivorce if you guys are interested in playing/haven't done this yet 💚

#tag game

[talldecafcappuccino]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag, @chainofclovers!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

41

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 301,363

3. What fandoms do you write for?

It's really just Ted Lasso. I wrote a bit for The Lizzie Bennet Diaries years and years ago and then a couple one-offs for Schitt's Creek and The 100, but it wasn't much.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

my body over yours

calamine

when we were young

It's Great to Stay Up Late

love the lasso way

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, but I fell off for a while at the end of the last year. I feel weird not responding to comments and also it's just really nice to chat with people in comments. It's where I first met many of my fandom friends! Alas, it's harder to respond to comments on a multichapter because the story isn't done and I don't want to give anything away so I'm just like repeatedly saying "thanks for sticking with this fic!!"

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

home again - I pretty much only write happy endings, but the most open-ended thing I wrote was this post-finale fic for Ted Lasso that I suppose some people might find angsty for reasons (it's really not angsty, but like...I could see making an argument for it).

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

leader of the pack - To me this is the happiest possible ending to AppleTV+ Ted Lasso: a future fic with Ted and Rebecca happy together, splitting their time between London and Kansas until Ted's eventual retirement from coaching, but they still visit the games in the fan section (where the season ticket holders have a permanent seat saved for Ted).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not that I'm aware of.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not really. I've only written it as part of a larger story and I guess I don't tap into writing it very easily without a larger story to frame it (basically I need a whole lot of build up or context before I can write it which I suspect is thanks to demisexuality lmao)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I’ve never set out to write a crossover, but I realized after the fact that my Ted Lasso goes on Queer Eye fic is in fact a crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, just brainstormed with a friend or had a convo that sparked something, but never actually co-written anything with someone else.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I don't have one! I don't like picking favorites in general and for ships there are different faves for different things and different faves for different seasons of life. I'm currently hyper-fixated on Ted/Rebecca, but that doesn't necessarily make them my all-time favorite ship.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Hmm idk. I think the ones I want to finish are still able to be finished and any other ones I'm good with them remaining WIPs. I only have one active Ted/Rebecca WIP posted on ao3 and I plan to finish it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think it’s dialogue. My honors English teacher said I was funny once and I've latched on to that as well.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to get focused on plot and what's happening and I find it harder to just write someone's thoughts and emotions without it veering into melodrama (or at least it feels like melodrama to me).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it's very cool if you are someone who knows another language or has the resources to do so and it works for the character/story/fic. Unfortunately I am terrible at languages (including my own) so I'll just appreciate it when someone else does it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I definitely wrote some very terrible HP one shots when I was like...13?

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Idk about favorite but I'm proud I finished my bodyguard au the way I wanted to which makes it a fave based on that alone.

leader of the pack might be my personal fave because it's how I initially pictured an idealistic happy ending for the show (post-season 1)

But also I liked writing lots of my fics for different reasons. I really truly hate picking favorites!!

Tagging: I'm late to this and I feel like everyone I know who writes has been tagged already 😅 Please participate if you want to!!

#questions for fic writers

[mousebetterhavemymoney]

TRL Presents: "Through the Looking Glass" Jamie Anne Talks "Split" with Carson Daly In NYC.

Terrifying.

Shocking.

Controversial.

Three words that never would have come to mind when someone mentioned Jamie Anne a couple of years ago. But since the Release of her new album, "Split", it's about the only thing people think of when her name is mentioned. Since trading in her flowery dresses and soothing melodies for angry power ballads and powersuits, she's become a force to be reckoned with.

Today in New York City, i took a walk with the new Jamie-Anne, and got some insight on what inspired her new album, her new image, and her feelings on her real-life "Split" with her husband, Daniel Pierce.

______________________________________________________________

Omniscent Pov

Carson was a little intimidated as Jamie climbed out of the Limo, striding up to him in the park with little more than a nod was a little off-putting, and the square shades that covered her eyes made it more than a little tough to discern her expression. Still, he tried to make the interview as comfortable as possible for her. After listening to "Split" the other night, he knew she wasn't someone to be messed with.

Carson cleared his throat somewhat uncomfortably.

"So, uh, i listened to your album last night. Pretty dark stuff, but honestly, really impressive."

Her black lips quirked up a little. "Glad you think so. I worked very hard on it."

"As your fans already know, you right all your own songs, correct?"

"Yeah, always. I don't feel like the song is mine unless it comes from my pen."

"So, when did you write these songs? There's the obvious "Split" from your husband, but i'm thinking there's more too it than that."

"Well, there's an obvious reference to that, of course. The album is about breakups and going through dark times. Not just my own, but everyones. It's also about my split from Korea. I came to the U.S when i was eight to become a star. It worked out, but i also became trapped in a relationship that i couldn't escape from. I wrote a lot of those songs when i was at my lowest point. When Daniel was away and i had no one but my lyrics and my pain."

"And do you ever miss what you two had, or..?"

"No, never. I tried my best to make it work, but there was nothing there."

Graveyard

"Was that the inspiration for "Graveyard?"

"Yes, it was. I did whatever i could to keep him happy. Nothing worked. Unless we were in bed, he ignored me. and even then, he was always out with other girls. Again, nothing there."

Good 4 U

"In Good 4 U, you mention "a new girl in a couple weeks. So, he cheated on you?"

"Hell yes. All the time. Like the song says, i found out about another woman within weeks of our "marriage."

"And what was your reaction to that."

"I was angry. And sad, too. I knew i'd get punished if i said anything, so i sat down and wrote "Good 4 U, and "Breakin Dishes."

"In one night?"

"I write when i get stressed. I was under constant stress as Daniel's wife. Trying to be a perfect, cookie cutter girl who loved her actor husband. I thought he just wanted me to improve because he loved me, but it was really just him using me for fame. I see that now. That's what "Vampire" is about. "You Should be Sad" is more about why i'm glad i was able to get away."

Nightmare and Gasoline

" You say Nightmare and Gasoline are the songs that make you the most proud?"

"They are. Nightmare is more of a feminist track, but Gasoline is for every and anyone who's ever struggled. Any age, any race. No matter how much their struggling... i want them to know that at least one person understands. Lovely has the same message."

Sledgehammer

"Sledgehammer is your closing track, and probably the most inspiring one. What brought it on?"

"Well, i've been through a lot. But i made it through on the other side. I want people to know that despite everything i went through, i'm still here. That's corny as hell, but it's true. I'm back, and i'm stronger than ever."

And that concludes our special today. Catch Jamie at the '99 Vmas, which will be a week from today.

______________________________________________________________

A/N

I know i promised i'd wait till valentine's day... but the inspiration bug bit me, and i couldn't ignore the itch. This isn't a real "chapter" It's a "snippet" that i'm releasing until i get chugging away at chapter four. Also, make sure to click on all the underlined words, as they contain links that credit the songs to their original owners. (also, the word "power suit" has Jamie's outfit in the park interview... if the link actually works 💀).Enjoy! 🥰

#eminem x reader #eminem #marshall mathers #slim shady #y2k #i got inspired #couldn't help myself #marshall mathers x reader #marshall mathers fanfiction #Gangnam Style Snippets #eminem Imagine #marshall mathers x you #eminem x you #marshall mathers imagine #eminem fanfiction #eminem headcanons

[pan-de-queer]

20 Questions Game

Tagged by @jadedloverart! for once, i've finished work early and am free to write fic and answer tag games today hahaha thanks for the tag!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

31 lmao, feeling a lil fandom old or whatever haha

2. Total AO3 word count

157,459 ??? wild considering i mostly post one-shots hahaha

3. Fandoms you write for

for the past few years it's been supercorp but you can also find bechloe, junksen/embry, some choices (the cyoa game), and les mis sprinkled in my ao3. all wlw too

4. Top 5 fics by kudos -

ruined nights make for perfect first dates (bechloe)

'cause you know all of my secrets (supercorp)

maybe i matter (because i knew you) (bechloe)

love tastes like spring and blood (bechloe)

kept my face to the sun (you drive away my shadows) (supercorp)

most interesting thing for me abt this is that ruined nights is the shortest one out of all five of these??? love that ppl liked it so much tho

5. Do you respond to comments?

as much as possible yeah! which reminds me that i haven't replied to @jadedloverart's comment on my fic. and other comments. i should do that hahaha

6. Fic w/ Angstiest Ending -

i don't end with angst haha i'm angst with a happy ending or bust lmao BUT the closest to angst would probably be love tastes bc the issue isn't solved until the very end

7. Happiest ending? -

all of them 💕 but if i had to choose then probabbbly cause you know

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not that i'm aware of!

9. Do you write smut/what kind?

nope! never been interested in writing it mostly bc my brain sees it as "action with even more emotions" and i have a hard enough time with action as it is lol

10. Do you write crossovers?

used to! and if you count the mcu+comics!marvel crossover i only posted a tidbit of, then yes, i still do

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

again, not that i know of

12. Ever had a fic translated?

yeah! can't remember for what tho but someone very kindly asked and i said ofc!! and then they sent the link but i can't remember where lmao

13. Ever cowritten a fic?

a long long time ago haha, wouldn't be opposed to doing it again though!

14. Favorite ship?

it's been supercorp since the pandemic! but who knows where the winds of my silly lil whims might take me?

15. A wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

all of them 💕 lmao jk jk but seriously i have a LOT of wips and i put them all under ONE file so it's like wading through a garbage dump trying to see what i'll do next and that's just for supercorp, i have separate untouched wips for allll my other old fandoms too lmao (some wips i doubt i'll ever finish for sc though are the undercover fake lovers one, the coastal cleanup one even though it SHOULD be easy in theory, the hanahaki au that's lena's version instead of kara's, and the one based off of emily the song by jeremy zucker)

16. Writing strengths?

anything descriptive! i can go in depth about shit forevveeerrrr

17. Writing weaknesses?

dialogue. like i can WRITE it and i can even write it WELL but that dialogue came from the bloodbath of thousands of drafts so

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in a different language?

many thoughts! number one being that if you don't know it, get someone who's above average fluent to help you if you feel like the language is needed in the story! and if the language is fake (like using kryptonian) then make the inclusion of it make sense! other thoughts are for my thinking only 💕 (and my unfortunate friends who have to listen to me lecture)

19. First Fandom you wrote for?

MAYBE ranger's apprentice or percy jackson

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

i can't pick favorite for my babies but i'm hella proud of all my supercorp fics rn! it had been so long since i joined a new fandom that i felt suuupppeerrr awkward posting at first! but it's been a nice experience shifting fandoms ever since :)))

for the no pressure tags! @nostradamus0 @sssammich @ridiculously-over-obsessed @tiny-maus-boots and anyone else who wants to join!

#tag game #while i do genuinely mean 'and anyone else who wants to join' it ALSO means 'i don't remember y'alls usernames' #and i'm p sure i just flat out forGOT even if in my heart of hearts i know that username hasn't changed in a long while #i just can't REMEMBER

[freneticfloetry]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

Thanks, Lola! (And T - @chaotictarlos - who also asked.) 😘

1. to build a home (9-1-1: Lone Star) | My favorite baby about my favorite baby. As I finish up the final chapter, I'm so proud of how this fic has turned out. There are so many Tarlos bunnies running through my head (and bits and pieces of quite a few things in various states of completion), but this was always going to be the first story I told, because the world can't have enough Carlos beginning.

2. scenes from an unfinished story (told by the lost and found) (The Magicians) | My first true AU, my first Big Bang, and the first Queliot fic I ever finished. Writing this kind of consumed my life at the perfect time: for the first five months of the pandemic, this is how I distracted myself from the lack of human contact and all the impending doom. And even better, posting it put me on a path to meet some of the most wonderful people in the world.

3. By Any Other (Lucky Number Slevin) | This is one of my favorite films of all time, and I offered to write it for every Yuletide since 2007. When I posted this, there were seven fics in the fandom (and I'm sad to say, the number hasn’t even doubled since), and only one of them had any Lindsey at all. Writing this fic from her point of view challenged me in a way I hadn't been, stylistically, since I wrote And To All A Goodnight. The dialogue, the plot, the dialogue, the research, the dialogue, the dialogue, the dialogue… Lindsey has such a distinct voice, but beyond that, she and Slevin have their own cadence that's unlike any banter I'd ever written. Until I turned in "scenes", I had never felt more accomplished as a fic writer than I did when I finished writing this fic.

4. Shells of a Long-Ago Lifetime (Faces That Once Were Mine Mix) (Supernatural) | Remixes have always fascinated me. With fic, you're already playing in somebody else's sandbox. But remixing someone else's fic is like playing in the sand with someone else's hands. I've never been able to sign up myself, but when a pitch hit opportunity presented itself, I couldn't resist. I had two days to do this, and it ended up being one of the most rewarding writing experiences I'll ever have. I ended up focusing on one sort of stray detail from the source fic I chose, and writing the symbolism and impact of that detail, and it still fascinates me, how clearly tied to the original this is while still feeling like something of my own.

5. Past Perfect Future Tense (The Magicians) | When I first started writing fic (in the year of our lord I shall not specify), I'd always joke that canon was my crutch and I couldn't plot to save my life. The more you do, the more you grow, and my plotting skills got stronger with time. PPFT is still a WIP, but even my outline feels like an accomplishment. Plotting this fic damn near broke my brain, while being intrinsically tied to canon, and it's kind of the best combination of everything I was in the beginning and everything I've learned since.

There are two upcoming Tarlos projects in particular that I have a feeling will take spots on this list, and I can't wait to get them written.

#asked and answered #about meme #my writing

[steelthroat]

for the weird asks thing, if/when you've time:

22. role model?

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

90. luckiest mistake?

(and feel free to ask back if you'd like; I reblogged it a day or two ago.)

(no obligation though)

Heya thanks for the ask!!!! Finally got the time so here we go >:3

22: mh, not sure, I don't know whether is more correct to say that I have countless role models or if I have none but I take inspiration from many people. Well but still I collect them like Dante collected fatherly figures. So mh, mainly my parents and my best friend (some day you people are going to hear about them I'm sure, she's bound to change the world for the better), a couple of fictional characters sprinkled here and there and random redditors who wrote walltexts of advice for free on the internet ahhdhfhth

50: oh well it happens a lot... but the last time it happened was March 16 in my classroom when the 8 years old son of one of my teachers cracked a very unexpected joke. It was the cherry on top, the punchline after a string of a series of hilarious moments that preceded this joke. I started laughing so much I started gasping for air, I had to get out for a minute because I was literally going to die laughing.

(We weren't having lessons at that moment since we were having a "party" for a person's birthday)

58: improvising and adapting no matter what, like- I can do almost anything someone asks me to and the result is gonna vary from decent to good... I'm not gonna promise it's gonna be a painless process or that I'm not going to curse under my breath the entire time- but shit's gonna get done with me even if the conditions are dire (at best) or 100% desperate (at worst)

Also people like my singing voice so I guess I'll add singing :3

90: Oh... I'm not sure. The last five years have been FULL of lucky coincidences, but mistakes? I made mistakes, but they weren't lucky, they turned into learning experiences at best...

Are they even mistakes if they're lucky?

Mhhh a couple of spelling mistakes turned into plot ideas or made me discover a couple of songs? Other than those I haven't experienced any lucky mistakes I think, or maybe I have but my definition of "mistakes" is too specific so I'm probably not thinking about those experiences.

(Ohooo sure!!!)

Edit on the talent one since I don't know how to read and i forgot to add thw other two ahshhdhfhfjfj;

3: huh- I can draw robots and cats :D

4: I know how to cry on command, used it once on a play and I usually do it when I want to be dramatic with my friends like:

"Oh I'm so sad there are no more candies in this bag *fake sniffle*" and boom tears. A couple of times people thought I was really upset tho so I don't do it unless people know me amd my theatrics loll

#steel answers

[amarguerite]

Fic authors self-rec! ✨ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers (if you would like to)!

oooh interesting ask

hm, i'd say right now, my top ones are:

Five Times Frederick Wentworth Had the Breath Knocked Out of Him On the Ice (and one time he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding) -- I managed to write this really fast after struggling for a long time trying to write something else, and after having a real shitty time with my first skating AU-- so not only was the experience of writing it a wonderful one, it gave me a huge confidence boost. I also think it has some of my best writing in it, tbh, and is my best work in writing from a very, very close third person (which is my favorite POV) and in leaning into dramatic irony. I still feel a little nervous about it sometimes because it is a more... daring, I guess, fic for me? It's more explicit than most, it's modern, it's about winter sports, I made a lot of what felt like very risky choices at the time of writing in choosing how and what to update and though I am occasionally overcome with anxiety that I fucked it all up and am the worst writer in the history of the world, as I am with like... literally everything I write at one point or other... I do think it's one of the best things I've written so far in terms of characterization, overall complexity, and craft-work.

2. A Monstrous Regiment -- really proud of the worldbuilding I did in this one, plus it's something I've always wanted to write. I love action-adventure Napoleonic Wars stuff, and it was such fun to get to do it with a female protagonist at the center of it all. I sometimes still re-read this one and the sequel for fun. This fic is the most "write what you want to read" of everything I've written.

3. The Nymph’s Reply -- I love, love, love 18th/ early 19th century theatre history. Such a delight to get to dive into it, and I think this fic honestly has the best ending/ ending line of all the fics I've written... and I'm someone who always puts great store by what the last line/ word of a piece of writing is, as I think it ideally ought to show the arc of the piece or the character and the central thesis of the whole piece of writing.

4. And Now the Storm-Blast Came -- I know it's unfinished and I have mumbled vaguely for literal years about finishing it without doing so, but it combines some of my favorite historical things (history of science, Romantic poetry, classical music) with my OTP and I think it has some of my most evocative and pretty passages in it.

5. An Ever-Fixed Mark -- putting this one at the bottom because like... I wrote it so many years ago now, there's a few major points I wouldn't write now, and some stuff I'd change. But still, I put a lot of thought and effort into the worldbuilding around soulmarks, and I think that hangs together really well. There's still some turns of phrase and scenes I'm really pleased with. And it is the fic of mine that has been read the most and has been recommended the most. Makes me feel very accomplished, to have written it!

[incalculablepower]

2022 Wrapped

ty for the tags @hinnyfied and @ashesandhackles

Post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

eticabtf - despite sort of regretting the long-ass title at this point i really like this one. it was the toughest thing i worked on, since i had a deadline and a prompt and a word count minimum to hit it came with a lot of (IMO good and healthy) stress at a time when i needed a project like that! it was kind of ambitious and weird and i'm still just so glad it landed.

in virtute et tutela - someone commented that it made them cry which is like, the best comment i've ever received. it came to me very easily but there was still an odd challenge where i had to come up with the rules of what an inner monologue of a half-cat/half-kneazle would sound like. my crookshanks doesn't understand spoken language but he's very intuitive and this is how he communicates with those patient and understanding enough (first other animals, then an animagus, and finally humans). i'm also really happy with how the title fits the story, it's a reference to a plea from a cat named virtute, the weakerthans song from the POV of a cat pleading to its depressed person. the reasons - i JUST realized this is my second fic with a weakerthans title. HBP is one of my favourite books AND adaptations because i love the goofy teen comedy vibes and i really like playing it up with this fic. i recently reread the first chapter i have uploaded with some distance and i think it's really really funny! this drabble from a TTB challenge this spring - this event really helped me work some writing muscles thanks to the prompts and the instant feedback. this is the origin of the photo of the original order of the phoenix and i like how much little details I packed into it, especially alice as a photographer, someone who immortalizes memories.

i also really like this one - i think it's the most poetic of my drabbles from that challenge and it really communicates how i feel about a post-war ron's life. and i love the jenny holzer truism i used for the title.

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year

I would like to treat my WIPs as actual works in progress vs things i started writing and kinda gave up on 1. i would like to continue with more chapters of the reasons! i have a lot of outlines and a good idea for where i want it to go. i'm also not stressing too much since each chapter will really serve as a loosely connected one-shot. 2. i have a romione shell cottage fic i've been picking at for MONTHS! i really like the idea i have for it but it's been a bit of a slog, i would love to get it done! 3. a couple days ago i had a new year's eve fic idea and got about 500 words in before things got busy. i really wanted to have it done FOR nye, but life's been busy. i am going to try to get it out before i finish my vacation and not stress about it being "late" for the holiday. 4. i also started a TTB yule bash fic for teddy's first weasley sweater, another idea i really really like but i got sick when i was writing it and didn't want to worry about the deadline. i might pick at it from time to time for next christmas.

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

1. the fact that i do it... at all? i joined @thethreebroomsticksficfest discord server because i was getting back into reading fic and just wanted to chat about it, but then noticed most members also wrote fic and the discussion around it made it feel very accessible and supportive. 2. i've learned or relearned a lot about punctuation and grammar, which helps my fic AND a lot of other areas of my life. writing cover letters for my job search this year was the least stressful it's ever been. 3. i know this is about my writing specifically but i swear it's all connected - i've gained a greater appreciation and understanding of storytelling through reading fic, commenting on it and trying to write it. i think my overall media analysis is smarter than it was this time last year and i have a better vision of what i want to achieve when i write something. your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year 1. i would like to write some longer one-shots, in the 5k-10k range. 2. i would like to write some shippier stuff that isn't just pining and sexual tension lol and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year

i really like this one from my crookshanks fic They spent each night at the foot of her bed, two rounded pastilles curled up on top of the quilt. 

let's just call it the "kneazle" i know many people have been tagged in this already so i'm cheaping out and tagging everyone who wants to do this.

[godidontevenknowwhat]

Genuine question here, what do you consider as anti Billy?

I wouldn't consider myself an anti but I don't excuse Billy's action like many pro Billy blogs do. Like when we discuss Billy's behavior and bring up Billy's abuse of Max and racism towards Lucas I was being called an anti even though I was pointing out Billy's canon behavior.

I get why he does act the way he does and recognize his abuse from Neil but it doesn't give him a free pass to be abusive to other people. Does this really make me an anti? Pro Billy people usually babify him to a point where he does feel like a completely different person than what is portrayed in the show and I feel like if you have to alter a character to a point where he isn't recognizable anymore you're more of an anti than people who don't try to excuse everything that makes the character the character.

First of all thank you for not being a shithead and presenting this question in a regular mature way, I appreciate you coming to me with this

Short answer: I consider someone a Billy anti when the blow his actions out of proportion and turn a complex character with a heart wrenching abuse story into what the duffers originally wrote him as: a racist antagonist and jerkwad bully. Note that I'm not saying his actions were excusable because of the abuse or that how he behaves isn't written with the intentions of him being racist towards Lucas.

Okay long answer now:

I'm definitely guilty of 'babyfying' Billy, mostly as a joke to annoy Billy antis, but I'm aware that I do it to the point that it's probably hard to gauge how I truly feel about Billy and his actions.

Billy is not a nice person. Billy is an asshole. But Billy isn't an irredeemable villain who is completely evil and everything he does is out of pure evil like a lot of Antis like to present him.

However I think being Pro Billy Vs Anti Billy is understanding that no one is truly evil. 

I don't think Billy treating Max the way he did is excusable nor will I try to pretend that he was good to her. But I will say that he most certainly is NOT treating Max like that because he's a nasty bully wah wah wah. 

Also despite how it might seem, when Billy was first introduced I actually didn't like him. Then the scene with Neil happened and it broke me.

The reason I'm pro Billy is because I see myself in him. I'm currently 21, I'll be 22 in March, so I'm by no means far off what age Billy was in season 2 where a lot of his actions inspire antis. 

4 years ago I was angry, I was mean, I would say nasty shit to people and I would do things that 4 years later I'm not proud of in the slightest and it was all because of the aggressive physical abuse I received from my mother and the emotional abuse I received from my sister. The physical abuse was so bad that at points my mum would hit me so hard my ears would ring and she would literally take out chunks of my hair from pulling on it. Seeing Billy pinned against that bookshelf by Neil and finally being able to see my abuse from a third party perspective I actually cried and nearly had a panic attack. So I began to see Billy differently, I can recognise a lot of his actions as the anger of an abused person trying to get control over an aspect of their life outside of the home because that's the only place he has control. I think a lot of Antis fall trap to hating Billy because he's angry and mean and they don't think for a second that it's a reaction to the abuse and they dub him irredeemable and say he deserved to die. 

So.. I deserved to die then? Every abuse victim who reacts with anger and mirrored behaviour and violent outbursts deserves to die? 

No, no fucking way. 

We deserve the chance to grow and become our own people independent of the abuse. In 4 years I've become a different person, I've grown and started shedding the anger and resent that has built up in me. I still see signs of it for sure, I get angry incredibly quickly to the point it's scary and it disgusts me every time it happens because I hate that part of myself but I'm working on it.

I'm pro Billy because I think he deserved a chance to work on it.

Also sorry if this seems like a brain fart ramble, It's 6am and I woke up and saw this and needed to respond asap while it was fresh

#anon #pro billy hargrove #thank you for being respectful and presenting your views maturely #much appreciated #tw abuse #abuse mention #personal I guess? I mean I have no problem airing my issues and past so read it if you want

[kagetsukai]

I posted 541 times in 2022

13 posts created (2%)

528 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jellydishes

@feralgoblintea

@heroofshield

@mapplestrudel

@out-of-the-embers

I tagged 473 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#avenue queue - 425 posts

#dragon age - 65 posts

#art rec - 58 posts

#da:i - 37 posts

#signal boost - 32 posts

#i'm wheezing - 32 posts

#cullen rutherford - 28 posts

#commander handsome - 26 posts

#humor - 22 posts

#love it - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 103 characters

#every other flavor of white person i know (in europe) would rather die than have their guests be hungry

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Someone just tried to “shame” me for reblogging a hospital color theory post

Sir, we’re both on Tumblr in the year of our lord Beyonce 2022 and YOU are calling ME out for being cringe? Baby, that ship has sailed a LONG time ago. Get with the program. We’re all cringe here, but you in particular. Have a nice day 😘

6 notes - Posted April 16, 2022

#4

Well... I guess I’m middle-aged now.

7 notes - Posted June 22, 2022

#3

The reason it’s hard for me to be a person who is positive about the future is because anytime my life starts looking up and maybe things start falling into place, something huge and negative shows up and knocks me the fuck down. I always have, and continue to, merely keep my head above water.

7 notes - Posted March 30, 2022

#2

End of the year writing round up

I was tagged by @barbex​ and @roguelioness​

Overview: This year I mostly stepped away from writing for Dragon Age after a series of unfortunate events that made me bitter about the fandom. I kind of started writing a fic for The Wayhaven Chronicles, but the story uses so little of canon that it might as well be an original at this point. That being said, I did write a fair bit of it and I’m quite proud.

As you can see, I wrote 72K words last year and I am thrilled, because it’s the most I’ve written in one year, ever - by about 20k words. As a bonus, here’s the percentages of how often I wrote in the last year. It’s not great, but it sure is better than 2020. Go me!

See the full post

9 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

This was supposed to be a time of excitement and hope for the future. Instead, it’s become a nightmare.

About three weeks ago I finally made the decision to separate from the man I was living with. After several years of living like casual roommates, he was still blindsided when I told him I wanted to move out away from him, as if our relationship hadn’t been the worst joke in existence. Alas, after some sulking and some FB dramatics on his part, I was excited to move on. I was looking at new places to move into.

And then I found out my mother had a serious fall and had cracked her head enough to not be able to speak for a day. This stubborn woman had *refused* to go get it checked out and it wasn’t before I yelled at her that she chose to go get tested. It wasn’t until the day after that I found she had been admitted to the hospital. It wasn’t until the day after that I got the worse news of my entire life.

My mom has brain cancer.

The doctors are convinced that based on imaging they’ve done, the cancer had come from a different part of her body, but before they could give her all the testing to find out, she refused treatment, refused further testing, and went home. She hasn’t worked since the hospital stay and has been struggling to pick up things, or take care of basic needs.

I am still in shock, tbh, but I’m not afforded the luxury of processing my own emotions because suddenly she’s deteriorating at an exceeding pace and it looks like she might not have a lot of time.

In the meantime, I was approved for a wonderful one-bedroom apartment that looks absolutely *lovely*, but it’s incredibly hard to celebrate this new chapter of my life when it looks like I’m going to have yet another reason to hate my June birthday.

I don’t think I can explain more. All I can think about is the dry details, the information, the things that require logical parsing of what’s going on, because the moment I think about what I feel, I’m both numb AND like I’m about to break. None of it feels real, all while it’s way TOO real.

11 notes - Posted April 3, 2022

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#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[libra-stellium]

My recent Venus transits!

Description from Planets in transit - Robert Hand

Venus trine Pluto (Apr 1 - Apr 5)

Transit intensifies your emotional expression and makes relationships more intense

It's already 4/16 and I swear I'm still feeling this lol leading up to the eclipse on 4/8 I remember thinking about "omg....am I happy..??" bc I was feeling joy randomly like walking around smiling type of shit lmao and at first I was like omg this is embarrassing but then I looked back to exactly a year ago and I was definitely cosplaying joy oops but not anymore!

Under Venus-Pluto love is not an intellectual abstraction, it is felt and expressed through the mind, emotions and body

So real! I go through periods where I don't listen to music and then I remember music exists and I get obsessed and I could feel every single song and I was telling everyone about what I was currently loving lol I also started getting back into fandoms and like being part of the group excitement feels so great!

Transit is capable of producing profound and useful psychological insights, don't be afraid of them

My pluto is in the 9H and I was having a lot of thoughts about religion lol I'm not religious at all but I was thinking it's so crazy how in the same weekend I was thinking "wow...religion is probably the worst thing to happen to humanity!" One of my friends was getting baptized to dedicate her life to the lord like...omg lol and I was talking to my aunt about religion too bc in 2020 when everything was closed she had literally been a completely different person mentally, a better person, and the only change was that she wasn't going to church and now she's back and her thoughts are insufferable to me again lmao

Venus opposite Sun (Apr 5 - Apr 8)

Transit introduces pleasantness into your life through good times, agreeable relationships, sexual attraction and friendship

This transit was such a fun time! Been feeling very happy and it was the weekend and the day of the eclipse and I after the eclipse went exact! I was talking to a lot of my friends more than usual and we were cracking jokes the whole time lol tears streaming down my face jokes lmao

The problems you'll confront are overindulgence, lack of self discipline, and unwillingness to work

Yeah I did overdo it at happy hour 4/5 and felt like shit 4/6 lol and I looked at my budget app to see I ordered food every single day from 4/1-4/7 and I was like omg that's embarrassing!

Venus trine Jupiter (Apr 10 - Apr 14)

One of the best transits that brings grace, ease, and pleasant social interactions

Loved this transit! I have venus sextile jupiter natally so as a native venus-jupiter girlie I was thriving! It was great how easily I was making people laugh lmao I love that so much!! I was with friends on 4/13 and had a great time even tho the event we were at tried to scam us! I even made one of my coworkers laugh lmao I'm remote so it was over email and she said "that is hysterical!!!" to a joke I made about our case I was so proud!

You may meet someone who will be of great service later

Idk if it counts as "meeting" but I had a meeting with my mentor on 4/11 and she connected me with someone over email and we scheduled to talk in june lol hopefully the "great service" is her helping get a new job!

There may be a romantic interest throughout the day but transit isn't strong enough to bring about a major relationship

Thissss!! Okay when I wrote out the transit I was about to leave this out bc I have not been dating and I've only been hanging out with my own friends if I leave my apt lol but on 4/13 my friend's sister invited some of her friends and this guy was so obvious with his crush on me lol he wasn't my type but it was adorable how he was like intrigued by me saying basic things and the place didn't have a lot of seating and after getting a drink I came back to the table and he like jumped up to let me sit LMFAO ngl i love when men are obsessed with me like this

Transit benefits financial interest, good day to invest in entertainment, leisure activities or the arts

I finally got paid that half of my check that was missing! And it worked out so perfectly bc I kept my money in my checking and didn't transfer it to my credit card in case they didn't pay me again and when I saw I got paid i transferred it immediately on the same day my card statement closes and usually the bank takes days to process but they did it in less than 12hrs and my statement closed at $0!! love that for me lol

Not a good day to start things that require a lot of energy, you may be inclined to sit around and do nothing

I was chilling on 4/14 watching TV and tiktok and then my bestie and I made some event reservations for our trip!

Venus opposite Venus (Apr 12 - Apr 16)

Pleasant transit, you feel at ease with yourself and self-indulgent, which is fine as long as you don't have work to be done

Real chill time! I'm starting to look around like....it's suspicious i'm not doing anything

You are likely to buy some expensive frivolity on a whim or an expensive pasttime only to regret the cost later

The only thing I bought was the amsterdam city card thing and a flight to come back home from NY lmfaooo that better not be what I regret later! The flight we bought we got first class seats only because the economy ticket plus paying for a bag was $10 less than first class lol that's a no brainer to me!

#astrology #astro #astro tumblr #learn astrology #astro community #pisces rising #libra stellium #venus transits #venus opposite venus #venus trine jupiter #venus opposite sun #venus trine pluto

[laerien]

Redownloaded this app out of pure impulse. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

In truth, I'm navigating through a hell of a shame complex, and I've come up with every excuse over the past fifteen years to not let myself heal. I'm willing to bet this isn't a rare occurrence for other children who felt most alive submerging themselves in fictional universes to make up for the lack of pivotal human connection based in reality. I added to the criticism of mega fans and "tumblr girls" because I thought it would clear my name in the eyes of people I wanted to impress (which, in reality, at my lowest, was basically anyone). I bathed in the criticism until it became part of my subconscious, so when I would inevitably open an Incognito Google tab to binge breathtaking fanfiction or incredible fan art like the depraved child/teenager/adult I was (which was so much of my own twisted doing), I stalled out.

The cycle of letting these preconceived notions inform (taint) my view of things I genuinely enjoyed continues, but I'm actively trying to heal now. I'm recently going through a long term breakup that encompassed my entire adulthood years, and I've been nothing short of forced to get to know myself again. The person I'm relearning really wants to share her love for fandoms without filtering her enthusiasm for the sake of who she think may accept her.

So I've spent the past several months leaning into that, but I'll admit I've got a long way to go. I've caught up on so many animated Star Wars shows, for example, that I've put off because of my venomous preconceived notions (and an ex who claimed to be a fan but, like many things in our failed relationship, didn't match actions to words). I've started commenting on AO3 works that are fucking incredible without the fear that someone in reality will find out my psued and call me out (though, I admit, I still use Incognito mode because I'm not quite ready to defend myself in the imaginary court room that makes complete sense in my head). I started drawing fan art that I'm pretty damn proud of (but still working my way to sharing it). And I restarted writing - mostly character studies and explorations of grief and love and life, but a nice nod to my unpublished Pearl Harbor fanfiction story (that I hand wrote a page a day for for 123 days straight when I was 14, then typed it all out, edited it, then made six alternate endings for, then changed names and made an original prequel story - something I clearly never revealed to anyone but look at me go!). I've also read a whole book in 4 days, something I haven't done since I started despising book reading due to the pressure of the academic system a decade ago. I could go on and on about it - and I probably will in another post - but Star Wars: Dark Disciple's depiction of the dark side is not unlike this shame complex I'm carrying on about. And, boy, do I love my eyes being opened like that.

So while I can't promise I'll stay long this time, this is something 14 year old me craved but could never admit. Like I said, I've got a lot to work on (I logged in and saw an unread message from 2017 from someone I went to college with and immediately blocked them in fear of them - who I haven't spoken to in years and has been nothing but kind and supportive of my fandoms - calling me out, I guess?). But I want to celebrate how wonderful these fictional worlds are with people, so I've got to get over this fear that I'd be found out and taken away from it forever.

I've got so many incredible people on the internet to thank, and I plan to. I've found comfort at my lowest points over the past decade and a half because others had the courage I had lacked: to share their feelings. Sounds silly put that simply, but what's wrong with that?

#me #no really thank you #im getting there #star wars dark disciple #throwing that tag in for logistical reasons okay #star wars fandom #laerien #incognito mode #mental illness #mental health #just mental #fandoms #breakup #just tagging whatever at this point okay don't judge #dark disciple #star wars #catholic guilt #god I've been at this for half my life now #recovery

[wack-ashimself]

Microsoft 'logic'.

I have been banned on any video game device only ONE time in my life. Probably close to over 1/2 a decade ago at least. It was for only 2 days. And it was ONLY for online communication; I could still play any games I wanted.

And I am quite proud of it. I worked HARD to figure out the best way to tell someone to fuck off.

"I am going to fuck your dad in the ass."

<and coming from a straight white guy, that pisses them off even more!>

It's short, sweet, but offends ANYONE I've ever said it to (which has been...1 technically. Everyone else I have said it to was me telling THIS story of getting banned and why. But they admitted-that's a pretty fucked up thing to say to someone.) Try it out on someone who pisses you off. It's fun! Calls their dad gay, a submissive bottom bitch (I will never imply force, only choice), and 3x worse than a your mama burn.

BUT, I was caught cuz I wrote them a message. So I knew, no matter how mad, never send a message to anyone. If anything, say it in game. Don't even send them an audio message. Don't need to give them bullets to fire, ya know? And I only would say that in EXTREME circumstances.

Flashforward to sunday afternoon. Wake up and SOMETHING I did saturday night got me reported TWICE, back to to back. Which makes absolutely NO sense. Because, again, both reports came in at the exact same time, I can safely assume that it was for the same offense. And maybe 2 different people reported me? But you get...marks, I guess? 8 marks in one year and YOU ARE BANNED FROM ONLINE GAMING FOR A YEAR!? I got THREE in ONE NIGHT?! (I had ZERO before this.) And it must be from the same person: literally, to the second, they were reported in. One was 1 second after the next. Literally. But here's where it gets weirder. 1-the first report was 1 mark. The second report was TWO marks. WHY was the second report worth more? If they came in the SAME time, it's the SAME offense, but one is worth more? WTF logic is that? 2-when I complained, they said I was being 'sexually aggressive' in nature. Did NOT say what I did, when, or to who. WTF? I never said I would rape or murder. I didn't send a dick pic. I didn't do anything! I talked a LOT of shit cuz I was playing comp with the dumbest mother fucking teams ever. But nothing sexual. That's...boring. And distracting. Like that insult above is the MEANEST thing I have said online in years. And I said it once. 3-again, I have been told to KILL MYSELF by assholes online. I made a promise DECADES ago never to say that to a stranger. Cuz they may just do it. And I don't need that on my head. But those evil fuckers talking rape and murder get to stay online?

So not only am I banned till WEDNESDAY night (4 days. 2 days longer than the last ban) but I am not allowed to play ANY multiplayer games. Tho I OWN them and have online gold. Evil fuckers.

What's even stranger? RIGHT after this happened, I had a FUCK TON of friends on twitter AND facebook saying how they were being shadow banned, censored, and straight up banned off social media, In HUGE numbers, unprovoked. My newsfeed was drenched in claims.

This isn't a coincidence. I have been doing/saying the same borderline rated R but NOT rated x in online gaming. NOW they start mass editing what we can say/do? I think this is one of those times of they wonder 'just how much shit can we get away with?'

<Side note. This was overwatch. Which I have 5 star level endorsement. The HIGHEST endorsement you can get. YOU ONLY GET THOSE IF SOMEONE GOES OUT OF THEIR WAY TO ENDORSE YOU! So are they endorsing me then doxxing me? WTF?>

Also I know I won't look like the best guy here. I am just throwing it all out there: I am not always the easiest gamer to game with, however, I don't tell people I'm going to rape or murder them. So maybe handle the PSYCHOS first? I've been told to go die! Holy shit man. That's not as evil as anything I ever said to a stranger. They're usually stupid fucking kids being cruel too. So even if they did convince a kid to kill themselves, they'd probably get away with it....that's fucked up. Here's a fun story. 7th grade. Bully. SMART bully. Literally, TO MY FACE, said 'I could kill you, declare insanity, and be out in a few years.' SEVENTH FUCKING GRADE!

#xbox #censorship #rated x #online #online gaming #online shit talk #shit talk #rape #murder #overwatch #blizzard #microsoft #bill gates sucks #video game #video games #talking trash

[futurequibblerjournalist]

right fuck you here's a bunch of questions from fanfiction writing asks game: 4, 20, 23, 29, 35, 41, 46, 51, 57, 68 & 75. Enjoy answering these you bastard < 3

Damn okay, sounds like a fucking threat fknbjgnbjg I will happily answer this threat for you, you little shit < 3

4. How do you choose which fics to write?

Pretty much just vibes, honestly. I come up with most of my ideas very sporadically, so it's all about what I'm feeling at the moment. I wish I had a more interesting answer, but I usually just look through this little notebook I've got that I write all my ideas in and randomly pick something for whatever ship I'm feeling at the moment. Tho I will also say that if a fic I'm planning is getting hyped by others there's a good chance it'll get prioritised lol, I'm a simple man

20. Do you prefer writing AUs or canon fics?

That's,, a hard question?? I think with the Marauders fandom there's still so much to discover and interpret when it comes to canon fics, but also there's not exactly a whole lot of,, canon??? It's fun to explore different takes and I do have stuff planned for canon fics but I think my own ideas appear easier when it comes to aus. If you look at my currently published fics this is pretty clear too. I'm personally really into incorporating "canon events" into aus or at least partially in some sort of au translation if that makes any sense lol. Sometimes it's fun when aus mirror canon (partially or fully) but I also find it very fun to just,, go ham with whatever really lol. That was a lot of words for me to realise that's it's probably aus lmao

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

I don't know if there's any part of the story I find the easiest to write? It depends a lot on how solid my outline is lol. If I have too little it'll all become a struggle because then my brain suddenly has to spend time coming up with ideas instead of focusing on writing and those two seem to come from two different places in my brain. Hardest, however, will probably always be the ending. I think especially if it's something longer with multiple chapters or a high word count. The more time and energy I spend on a project, the more I struggle. I love so many of my projects, especially the longer ones, and the fact that they're gonna be done and over and I'm not going to work on them anymore is something I struggle with and my brain just sort of blocks me from finishing things sometimes. I've got a 25k story that I started writing almost two years ago that's literally only missing the ending, but I can't bring myself to finish it quite yet vjnfjbngj

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

I had to think long and hard about this vjnfjbngjb I'm not sure if the people would agree lol, but I feel like I've got a pretty good grasp on how to portray emotions. Whether it's through subtle body language, interrupted speech or general involvement with the environment and setting a mood for the scene that way, it's probably one of the things I think I do best? I used to struggle with it, but I put a lot of work into trying to improve and since it (at least to me) has been successful, I'm quite proud. There's also just nothing better than when I get told I've captured a character accurately, especially when it's someone you thought you were doing a shit job at (Yes, James, I'm looking at you lol)

35. What’s your favourite fic you’ve posted?

I think it's going to have to be A Very Merry Christmas Cliché. Which honestly doesn't surprise me in the slightest. I'm insanely proud of it, both for it being my first time writing Jegulus, it being my first fic posted on a schedule but also the fact that I wrote an outline, just short of 71k words and published all of it in under a month. It was such a passion project and all the lovely comments I've gotten on it has only made me fonder of the whole thing.

41. Who’s your favourite character you’ve written?

It changes constantly honestly. I love writing Barty, Regulus, Remus and increasingly James?? He's so unlike any other character I enjoy writing, but hearing continued praise for how I write him has only made me more fond and proud of my portrayal of him somehow? I mean, it makes sense, praise breeds that sort of thing usually, but James isn't exactly a character I find myself relating to a whole lot, or so I thought? I don't know if I'm realising something about myself or something like that haha, but my desire to write him has skyrocketed recently.

46. If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be?

It feels like cheating to say a muggle au lol, but it's an answer that allows for a lot of different aus to be added as like,, secondary aus?? I don't think I lean towards any more specific aus than that? Also!! When I say a muggle au I don't mean a modern one!!! Not necessarily at least lol

I'm trying to think of any more specific aus and all my brain can come up with is tropes?? So yeah, bonus answer to the question I guess, if it was one trope for the rest of my life it would probably be hurt/comfort or MCD

51. Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read?

Not a whole lot, honestly. I'm a sucker for romance and queer stories and that's pretty much all I both read and write? I write significantly more smut than I read tho, I will say that lol

57. How conscious are you about including symbolism or foreshadowing in your fics?

SO CONSCIOUS!!!! Like???? I can happily spend hours thinking about that shit, I am an English teacher's dream. Yes, I made the curtains blue on purpose, yes he's looking out the window for a reason, oh there are flowers in the fic? You can bet your ass those have some symbolism behind them. I fucking love symbolism, I'm such a sucker for them and I will happily spend hours googling and double checking and all that shit to make sure they're accurate and fit well. I spent so much time researching symbolism for that previously mentioned 25k word story I need to finish, but there's definitely also some of it in other stuff I write.

I plan out fics quite far in advance, I usually don't start writing until I have the whole thing outlined, both to be able to add a bunch of foreshadowing (but also to avoid plotholes lol)

I can't say it's as much of a conscious decision in some of my smutty works, but there's some stuff in there too. I can't wait to share more of the work that features more symbolism vjfnjbgnjb,, I really need to finish that fic, even if it's not a Marauders fic

68. Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

I can't say there is, not consciously at least? I admire a lot of other writers and I'd say their works certainly inspire me, but I don't actively feel influenced by them. If I do it's little things like terms and phrases and perhaps actions (thank you Katie for inspiring the little dick pat on Barty's tongue, it's getting a feature in the sharpshooter fic lmao)

I do find myself influenced by the writing styles of traditionally published books. I don't know if it's because I sit with them physically in my hands, but some books that I've really liked the writing styles of have been Carrie Soto Is Back and The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo both by Taylor Jenkins Reid, as well as A Good Girl's Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson (though I'm still currently reading that one). It's perhaps not as noticeable, but I like the sentence structures both authors use and their use of inserts (news clippings, interviews, etc). I don't know if this is how the question is supposed to be answered but oh well, this is what you're getting haha

75. Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn’t expect?

110% a losing game. It's only my second "jegulus" fic and even then this was "just" a solo fic with Regulus. It was the first fic I wrote after A Very Merry Christmas Cliché and I was surprised to see how fast it got hits in comparison, not that I'm complaining. But damn, people are horny for Jeggy lol

Thank you for the question, this took me literal hours to answer lmao < 3

#writer ask game #ask game #fanfic writer ask