#because it IS growth and years later you're going to go back through it with new eyes and realize there were some redeeming qualities

[lofe-arts]

To keep it humble, now lets look at one of my least favorites I drew for Funguary. I don't even think it's *bad* it's just that I don't like it. I was still trying new brushes, new styles, and It was just one of those days it isn't all coming together like you hope it will. It can be really discouraging when you find yourself in that position, but that's just how art is.

And, real talk? It makes looking back at my favorites even better. Because yeah I don't like this one and yeah I just wasnt able to execute the idea that was in my head to the standard I wanted, but it's not because i'm not capable and just a few images away in my Funguary folder is proof of that. Maybe sometimes I'm drawing like this, but it makes the times when I bust out the glowshroom even better.

This one cannot be bought on redbubble currently. If this somehow breaks containment and it turns out someone really wants this I'll be happy to put it up for you, but it didn't bring me joy, so it hasn't gone on the shelf yet.

#lofe draws #my art #lofe talks #mushroom #funguary #blue milk cap #failure pile #it's mean to call her a failure but thats the tag I want to use for posting the art I DON'T like #because I think it's important to show the ones you hate just as much as the ones you love #its all part of the game #Also my grandfather told me a long long long time ago to never throw away your art even if you don't think its good #because it IS growth and years later you're going to go back through it with new eyes and realize there were some redeeming qualities #and hey actually maybe you want to draw X like that again #and my grandfather was very right and I have never regretted keeping the art I hated because it is growth then and growth now #and there is no greater endorphin rush than seeing art I drew at 13 and thought was good then look like SHIT compared to what I draw now #13 year old me would have been so jealous and so proud I stuck around to get better #and 31 year old me is so in love with that kid who drew and drew and drew until one day I didn't hate everything I put out #queue 2 cue #original

[phantomrose96]

If anyone wants to know why every tech company in the world right now is clamoring for AI like drowned rats scrabbling to board a ship, I decided to make a post to explain what's happening.

(Disclaimer to start: I'm a software engineer who's been employed full time since 2018. I am not a historian nor an overconfident Youtube essayist, so this post is my working knowledge of what I see around me and the logical bridges between pieces.)

Okay anyway. The explanation starts further back than what's going on now. I'm gonna start with the year 2000. The Dot Com Bubble just spectacularly burst. The model of "we get the users first, we learn how to profit off them later" went out in a no-money-having bang (remember this, it will be relevant later). A lot of money was lost. A lot of people ended up out of a job. A lot of startup companies went under. Investors left with a sour taste in their mouth and, in general, investment in the internet stayed pretty cooled for that decade. This was, in my opinion, very good for the internet as it was an era not suffocating under the grip of mega-corporation oligarchs and was, instead, filled with Club Penguin and I Can Haz Cheezburger websites.

Then around the 2010-2012 years, a few things happened. Interest rates got low, and then lower. Facebook got huge. The iPhone took off. And suddenly there was a huge new potential market of internet users and phone-havers, and the cheap money was available to start backing new tech startup companies trying to hop on this opportunity. Companies like Uber, Netflix, and Amazon either started in this time, or hit their ramp-up in these years by shifting focus to the internet and apps.

Now, every start-up tech company dreaming of being the next big thing has one thing in common: they need to start off by getting themselves massively in debt. Because before you can turn a profit you need to first spend money on employees and spend money on equipment and spend money on data centers and spend money on advertising and spend money on scale and and and

But also, everyone wants to be on the ship for The Next Big Thing that takes off to the moon.

So there is a mutual interest between new tech companies, and venture capitalists who are willing to invest $$$ into said new tech companies. Because if the venture capitalists can identify a prize pig and get in early, that money could come back to them 100-fold or 1,000-fold. In fact it hardly matters if they invest in 10 or 20 total bust projects along the way to find that unicorn.

But also, becoming profitable takes time. And that might mean being in debt for a long long time before that rocket ship takes off to make everyone onboard a gazzilionaire.

But luckily, for tech startup bros and venture capitalists, being in debt in the 2010's was cheap, and it only got cheaper between 2010 and 2020. If people could secure loans for ~3% or 4% annual interest, well then a $100,000 loan only really costs $3,000 of interest a year to keep afloat. And if inflation is higher than that or at least similar, you're still beating the system.

So from 2010 through early 2022, times were good for tech companies. Startups could take off with massive growth, showing massive potential for something, and venture capitalists would throw infinite money at them in the hopes of pegging just one winner who will take off. And supporting the struggling investments or the long-haulers remained pretty cheap to keep funding.

You hear constantly about "Such and such app has 10-bazillion users gained over the last 10 years and has never once been profitable", yet the thing keeps chugging along because the investors backing it aren't stressed about the immediate future, and are still banking on that "eventually" when it learns how to really monetize its users and turn that profit.

The pandemic in 2020 took a magnifying-glass-in-the-sun effect to this, as EVERYTHING was forcibly turned online which pumped a ton of money and workers into tech investment. Simultaneously, money got really REALLY cheap, bottoming out with historic lows for interest rates.

Then the tide changed with the massive inflation that struck late 2021. Because this all-gas no-brakes state of things was also contributing to off-the-rails inflation (along with your standard-fare greedflation and price gouging, given the extremely convenient excuses of pandemic hardships and supply chain issues). The federal reserve whipped out interest rate hikes to try to curb this huge inflation, which is like a fire extinguisher dousing and suffocating your really-cool, actively-on-fire party where everyone else is burning but you're in the pool. And then they did this more, and then more. And the financial climate followed suit. And suddenly money was not cheap anymore, and new loans became expensive, because loans that used to compound at 2% a year are now compounding at 7 or 8% which, in the language of compounding, is a HUGE difference. A $100,000 loan at a 2% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, accrues to $121,899. A $100,000 loan at an 8% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, more than doubles to $215,892.

Now it is scary and risky to throw money at "could eventually be profitable" tech companies. Now investors are watching companies burn through their current funding and, when the companies come back asking for more, investors are tightening their coin purses instead. The bill is coming due. The free money is drying up and companies are under compounding pressure to produce a profit for their waiting investors who are now done waiting.

You get enshittification. You get quality going down and price going up. You get "now that you're a captive audience here, we're forcing ads or we're forcing subscriptions on you." Don't get me wrong, the plan was ALWAYS to monetize the users. It's just that it's come earlier than expected, with way more feet-to-the-fire than these companies were expecting. ESPECIALLY with Wall Street as the other factor in funding (public) companies, where Wall Street exhibits roughly the same temperament as a baby screaming crying upset that it's soiled its own diaper (maybe that's too mean a comparison to babies), and now companies are being put through the wringer for anything LESS than infinite growth that Wall Street demands of them.

Internal to the tech industry, you get MASSIVE wide-spread layoffs. You get an industry that used to be easy to land multiple job offers shriveling up and leaving recent graduates in a desperately awful situation where no company is hiring and the market is flooded with laid-off workers trying to get back on their feet.

Because those coin-purse-clutching investors DO love virtue-signaling efforts from companies that say "See! We're not being frivolous with your money! We only spend on the essentials." And this is true even for MASSIVE, PROFITABLE companies, because those companies' value is based on the Rich Person Feeling Graph (their stock) rather than the literal profit money. A company making a genuine gazillion dollars a year still tears through layoffs and freezes hiring and removes the free batteries from the printer room (totally not speaking from experience, surely) because the investors LOVE when you cut costs and take away employee perks. The "beer on tap, ping pong table in the common area" era of tech is drying up. And we're still unionless.

Never mind that last part.

And then in early 2023, AI (more specifically, Chat-GPT which is OpenAI's Large Language Model creation) tears its way into the tech scene with a meteor's amount of momentum. Here's Microsoft's prize pig, which it invested heavily in and is galivanting around the pig-show with, to the desperate jealousy and rapture of every other tech company and investor wishing it had that pig. And for the first time since the interest rate hikes, investors have dollar signs in their eyes, both venture capital and Wall Street alike. They're willing to restart the hose of money (even with the new risk) because this feels big enough for them to take the risk.

Now all these companies, who were in varying stages of sweating as their bill came due, or wringing their hands as their stock prices tanked, see a single glorious gold-plated rocket up out of here, the likes of which haven't been seen since the free money days. It's their ticket to buy time, and buy investors, and say "see THIS is what will wring money forth, finally, we promise, just let us show you."

To be clear, AI is NOT profitable yet. It's a money-sink. Perhaps a money-black-hole. But everyone in the space is so wowed by it that there is a wide-spread and powerful conviction that it will become profitable and earn its keep. (Let's be real, half of that profit "potential" is the promise of automating away jobs of pesky employees who peskily cost money.) It's a tech-space industrial revolution that will automate away skilled jobs, and getting in on the ground floor is the absolute best thing you can do to get your pie slice's worth.

It's the thing that will win investors back. It's the thing that will get the investment money coming in again (or, get it second-hand if the company can be the PROVIDER of something needed for AI, which other companies with venture-back will pay handsomely for). It's the thing companies are terrified of missing out on, lest it leave them utterly irrelevant in a future where not having AI-integration is like not having a mobile phone app for your company or not having a website.

So I guess to reiterate on my earlier point:

Drowned rats. Swimming to the one ship in sight.

#chrissy speaks #long post #-gestures broadly-

[overtail]

Can u do zuko x tall reader headcanons? Her being his height or an inch taller??

i mean I'll do that but way taller since Zuko is canonically 5'3...................

he's our short king guys

Zuko x Tall Reader Headcannons

pre-book 3 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

-zuko was always taller than you as a kid

-he was always teasing you since you were such a short girl

-over summer break, when you and your family went on a trip when you two were 11, you came back extremely tall

-'pre-teen growth spurt I guess?'

-he always felt very inferior to you

-you just kept getting taller as the months went on

-when you signed up to fight in the army, you were teased and called a boy by the others in training

-zuko always defended you, and made sure you felt like a girl

-he would get you flowers, try to get dresses for you, and would always call you his 'girl best friend', even though you were his only friend

-when he was sent on the mission to find the Avatar when he was 13, you couldnt accompany him

-you were devastated, even going as far as trying to quit your soldier training

-but when he left, you gave up on your efforts

-you worked hard, writing letters to zuko that were never sent

-you celebrated his birthday, buying gifts that collected up in the closet of your bedroom

-everyday you believed he would come back

-but he never did

-you gave up after about 2 years

-you tried to focus on your work of becoming a soldier, graduating at 13

-you were the most versatile and strongest because of your height, and you were the top of your ranks

book 3 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

-over three years later, zuko returned

-his hair was longer, his scar was fully healed at this point

-he was taller now, but not by much. you still towered over him

-he didn't recognize you at first. you of course knew it was him, since the announcement of his arrival was spread throughout the kingdom

-since you were the most trusted by your commander, you were assigned to guard zuko

-you waved awkwardly at him, and the only thing that confused him was that such a tall person has such a feminine figure

-he didn't see your face under the helmet, so that added to the non recognition

-'y/n?'

-he hugged you the moment you took off your helmet, waving back

-you were maybe 2 or 3 inches taller than him

-though it had been 3 years, it was like you were back at iroh's house, learning how to play pai sho

-'you're a soldier now? sick'

-he was already happy that he had his honor back, but seeing you made him ecstatic

-every say you two would take walks around the palace

-you two would eat lunch together, visit the village

-until he started dating mai

-you held no grudge against her - she was a lot like zuko

-you were happy that he met his other half, someone so indifferent to him

-that's what made you jealous

-you two stopped hanging out like regular

-'wanna get lunch?' 'I'm going on a picnic with mai'

-the title friend slowly faded into just being his bodyguard

-🔞it was always so awkward hearing him and mai get up to things in his room as you stood guard outside

-🔞you always wished it was you

-the possibility of you being too tall ran through your mind, how being a soldier cracked your femininity

-on the day of black sun, you caught him writing a letter and setting it on his desk

-'what are you doing zuko?' 'theres no time to explain'

-you insisted that you come with him, that you could help him

-it was both because you wanted to protect him and stay with him

-he told you that he was abandoning his role as the crowned prince of the fire nation, and that if you wanted to come with, you'd no longer be a loyal soldier

-when he said yes, you were both ecstatic and worried

-you would be leaving your whole life behind - you'd be commiting treason

redemption 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

-none of the members of the Gaang trusted you and Zuko

-they thought you were one of the soldiers that were on the ship with zuko

-you tried explaining to them you had to be 16 to graduate the training academy, and zuko left when they were both 13

-when sparky sparky boom man attacked, you and zuko helped fight him

-they trusted you a bit more, but still held a grudge against zuko

-they forced you two to sleep in a secluded tent together

-the first night you two stayed, there was an awkward silence

-you two were still distant

-'what was in that letter?'

-zuko explained to you that in that message, he told mai that he was leaving her

-he thought it was for the best

-you felt bad for him, not aware that he was going through a break up without telling anyone

-but at the same time, you were happy

-you had a chance

-'im sorry man'

-you tried to hug him, but he looked away.

-something was off about him

-'what wrong zuko?' 'i need to tell you something'

-he not only broke up with mai because he was leaving, but because he liked you

-he looked up at you as you two sat in the tent. the lantern light flickered as you moved closer

-the kiss was soft and first, tender, and practically just a peck on the lips

-when you pulled apart, he was extremely red

-🔞kissing wasn't all you did that night

freaky deaky 🔞 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔

-zuko loved putting his face in your chest when you hug

-he likes kissing every part of your body, especially since there's so much of it

-he likes it A LOT, especially when he can make you buckle beneath his words

-you're such a strong girl that it makes him powerful when he's dominating you

-likes the arch of your back when he's hitting it from behind 🫣

-loves watching your long fingers prepare yourself for him

#avatar the last airbender #fandom #fanfic #fluff #smut #atla zuko #zuko x reader #prince zuko #fire lord zuko #zuko

[majorbaby]

Frank Burns is a great character because the writers and Larry Linville were aware that he was supposed to be terrible, and no attempt is ever made to redeem him.

Linville left the show because he felt there was nowhere else for the character to go, and I'd add that there was nowhere for Frank to go that wouldn't undercut the character's effectiveness.

And yet despite never achieving any recognizable redeeming qualities the way that audiences like to see in an antagonist (and MASH audiences would later get in Charles) Frank isn't entirely flat either.

Frank wants to be liked, and who can't relate to that feeling? When the one person who ever wanted to have him around (Margaret) moves on from him, it's the catalyst of a loss of any kind of self-preservation and his subsequent discharge.

He thinks Trapper and Hawkeye are neat, and sometimes he does the equivalent of yanking on their pigtails (albeit very hard) for attention. At the end of "Germ Warfare" Hawkeye and Trapper bring him flowers as an apology for having stolen his blood, cue sentimental music playing in the background as Frank slowly accepts the peace offering - it's kind of a sweet moment for them.

There's also some interesting class stuff going on with him. In Welcome to Korea pt 1 he laments to Margaret that he wasn't allowed to join the fraternity that BJ was a part of because he didn't own a black suit, which is a small detail but if you're looking at this through a class lens, then it changes the tone of Frank being on the receiving end of BJ's pranking him.

Hawkeye and Trapper were almost always punching up at Frank. This would've been possible even if say, Trapper was of a similar class-background as BJ (I doubt it, but we don't know enough about Trapper to confirm) by having Frank and Margaret team up against Hawkeye and Trapper. It was a fair(er) fight. Frank and Margaret do outrank Hawkeye and Trapper which gives them a bit of an edge, but Hawkeye and Trapper have the moral high ground and "nothing to lose" since they've been drafted. Frank and Margaret even recognize that the odds are in their favour once Trapper leaves.

To circle back to my original point - why is the Frank Burns character so great:

1) Talk about committing to the bit. They didn't blink once with Frank - but even an unrealized potential for growth is still potential, and it's there, if you want to see it. Lesser shows have gone the route of "rehabilitating" such a character in order to "make them three dimensional" and Frank Burns proves there's no need for that. Frank is fictional so you can write him off if you want to, but my feeling is the reason people protest bad decisions made by "bad people" is because they believe change is possible.

2) Everyone was in on the joke. Not so with Charles and Potter. Charles was your 3:1 ratio of flaws to virtues that make up your "jerk with a heart of gold" or "redeemable villain". His class positioning should provoke a withering response from audiences, but he's softened by his 1-part virtue. Frank Burns is a smokescreen - something that anyone can point at and identify as a "bad person" within five seconds. But how much structural power does he have compared to Charles? It's a sort of power to be a literal white supremacist and still be a "redeemable villain" on television.

Potter is an outright villain and the narrative, tragically, has no idea. When Potter's army brass moments were framed positively, that's when MASH became a poor imitation of itself. It looks like MASH, but it doesn't sound like it. When Frank used to wax teary-eyed about the brave men of the United States Army, you could rely on Hawkeye and Trapper to cut him down immediately. In the later years, BJ and Hawkeye nod along solemnly to Potter's sermons about brave men serving their country and how he's so proud to be one of them. Frank babyyy, you're sorely missed.

#mash #frank burns #re: mash #lesser shows: it's the office. i'm talking about michael scott. #sometimes characters who are worse are better #class on MASH

[giya-goates]

New Additions

Honestly, they should have expected to find baby mutants at SOME point in their life. With all the chaos that's happened in their lives, they should have expected the kraang to reappear. Sure it's been a couple years, but still.

Alright, to recap what happened, Leena, Raph, Donnie, Mikey, and Casey (April was out of town visiting her aunt with her dad and wouldn't be back for another three days) were investigating a new kraang base that Donnie had picked up through a sensor. They split up to see what the base was being used for, Donnie, Mikey and Casey going one way and Raph and Leena going the other.

Raph and Lee stumbled upon a large room with two large cubes of glass hovering 2 feet off the ground on either side of the large room. There were five kraang bots around guarding the room. At this point, it had been thirty minutes since the group split up, so they decided to just get rid of the bots and check what was in the two cubes.

"... Hey Lee?" Raph was looking at one glass cube as he was opening it trying to get her attention. "What is it, Raph? There something in there?"

"if you mean other than a baby mutant, then no. YES I FOUND SOMETHING!" He shouted. "...You found WHAT!?"

She whipped her head to look at him and ran to the other cube, opening it up finding another mutant infant. The baby was lying on its stomach seeming to be asleep.

They called up Donnie, telling them to get over to the room with Mikey and Casey. Leena got them out of the cube with little difficulty holding them to her plastron. Raph tied a sash to Leena's carapace with the blanket found inside and put the baby from his side of the room into makeshift sling. Don got there with Mikey and Casey trailing behind them.

" You'll need to do this fast because we may have ticked off the Kraang just a bit" Mikey told Donnie standing guard by the door with his nunchucks in hand. "I know, I'm getting the information onto my t-phone to look over in a safer spot!" Don yelled back to him, plugging in the phone transferring the data on the babies.

Running out of the building, Casey set off the explosives they'd set up, blowing up the machinery in the building. Within minutes they were back in the shell raiser, Donnie sitting in their seat translating the data, and started to read off the information.

"From what the Kraang have written down, the little turtle a spiny terrapin, and the mouse is a Peromyscus maniculatus-" "English brainiac" Casey interrupted "huuuh, it's an eastern deer mouse, and they were mutated on accident but were taken in to monitor their growth" As Donatello spoke, Lee softly rubbed circles into the fluffy fur on the back of the baby she was holding. "They're both relatively young, a male terrapin around 15 months and a female deer mousel at 11 months." As Don finished his statement, Raph took the little boy out of the sling, holding him like Lee was holding the little mouse.

As they were driving back to the lair, Casey got a call. Answering it, he put it on speaker "Hey April, just so you know you're on speaker." He said it quietly for the babies making sure they didn't wake up. "I just got a text from Mikey! What do you mean you found babies!?" She was talking quickly and sounded worried. "Were they alone? Where are their parents? Did you-" she got cut off by Raph suddenly talking "No April what Mikey meant was that we found MUTANT babies, we didn't take human children!" He explained it in a whisper shout being careful of his volume.

"Oh thank goodness! I thought I would have to find random people in New York of all places!" April let out an exasperated gasp.

"I-if that's all your calling for, can you call later? We're getting home right now, with infants mind you, and we're all tired so we'll see you tomorrow" Leena was explaining in a quiet voice sounding ready to just get in bed. "Oh, right sorry guys ,yeah I'll call tomorrow. Sleep well!" She quickly hung up after a goodnight.

By the time they all got home, Casey and Mikey were stumbling into the lair crashing onto the couch, passing out immediately. Donnie beckoned Lee and Raph over to the lab to check over the infants for any injuries and checking them as well.

The three of them sat in silence, Donnie patching them up and taking notes on the two new mutants in their custody. Lee was finished getting checked and just sat holding the baby girl. She was in a trance, staring at the little mouse, she was so small, much smaller than Lee and her brothers were at this age, though that was to be expected with her being a mouse, but she was still worried. Looking at her, Leena giggled softly at how big her ears were. According to Donnie there wasn't anything that was wrong, she was just... small.

"We're gonna have to find names for them if we want to keep them" Donnie said, breaking her from the trance snapping her head up to look at him. Raph was holding the other baby. "We'll have to do it before Mikey wakes up then." He joked pointing out their youngest brothers habit of naming things weirdly.

Lee chuckled at the innocent jab at their younger brother, looking down at the spiny terrapin mutant in Raphs arms, thinking what would be best for the little boy.

"...Haruki."

Donnie and Raph glance up at her.

"His name will be Haruki. A-and she" Leena said gesturing towards the little girl in her lap "will be Shiro."

The way she spoke, said that it was final and there was no way to change her mind. Sighing, Donnie spoke up.

"Well then, welcome to the family, Haruki and Shiro..."

#tmnt au #tmnt 2012 #tmnt leonardo #tmnt raphael #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt donatello #tmnt oc #tmnt casey jones #tmnt april #tmnt leo #tmnt raph #tmnt mikey #tmnt donnie #tmnt fanfiction #fanfictions #transfem leo #not my art

[inventedfangirling]

pran-so-cool to pran-so-brave

We all talk about pran so cool to pran in love and yes of course everybody needs to talk about that growth all the time forever and ever cos really it gave us one of the most beautiful and respectful love stories of all time, but i also wanna take a teensy second to talk about how pran so brave too.

Jumping into a body of water to help a drowning person not easy. putting your thoughts and feelings into a song and then singing it out loud, not easy. Confronting years of lying and suppression and hurt, standing up to an overbearing parent is definitely not easy.

Dealing with insecurities, voicing those insecurities, working to overcome those insecurities not easy. confronting your feelings, taking a leap ready to get hurt if that happens, and then deciding to stick through one person no matter the hurdles also farthest from easy. Pran has done so many brave things over the course of his young life but right now i just wanted to focus on what he did in episode 10 in this scene.

Like seriously picture this, you're out with your boyfriend, grocery shopping have a wonderful time teasing and goofing off with each other and then bam, his bitch ass of a dad appears and see's you in a not entirely uncompromising situation.

And then without even thinking of where they are or how they are literally just kids, this man begins to get aggressive with them.

I can't even explain just how triggered this scene or just the gif of it even makes me...that said i need to talk about it because just can't get over the significance of what pran did here.

On paper he is just standing up to defend his boyfriend from an aggressive man but of course in reality he is actually putting himself between a fully grown adult man and his own adult son (who lets not forget is physically stronger than Pran). I need me and you and everybody to process the fact that Pran is at heart (and brain development wise) still very much a child. He is barely 20 and he is gay and he is in public with his boyfriend in a conservative country (i know there is no homophobia in the bb universe but still!)

And suddenly he is outed and then this aggressive loud man who is his boyfriend's dad and his family's sworn enemy comes and starts being aggressive with Pat with whom he has as far as Pran knows had a pretty smooth at least non violent relationship (that we know of) so then do we realize how incredible is it that Pran immediately put himself between Pat and Ming??? Not only is he physically no match for Ming. But in how society would view it, he really had no place there? and because there hasn't been a history of Ming being aggressive with Pat, Pran needn't have done what he did, since in his mind such a grim possibility is not looming large.

And yet the moment he saw that Pat was possibly in danger, that very instant he comes in front of Pat, trying to calm the situation down? I'm just...that's just....so so very brave of him?!! My brain truly cannot comprehend the inexplicable amount of love Pran must have towards Pat to exhibit that level of protectiveness without even taking a second to think of his own safety or anything against Pat's own father??? Pran who hasn't had the best most healthy relationship with his own parents was standing up for Pat against his father!

And then to be shoved aside like that to the side, in such a violent manner, being looked at with so much contempt, with all those people watching. And then going back home to stand up to his mother only to get shouted at and slapped??

And then years of distance and time and growth later, he comes back and he actually brings a gift for that very man who as far as we know didn't even apologise to Pran or Pat for what he did to them there. a man who for years had kept them away from each other, filling ideas of hate into their minds (with ample help from dissaya ofc) and disrespecting and demeaning both of them??

Pran really took all that hate that was directed at him and he returned it in the form of love, he did it for pat's sake, but he did it none the less.

He really embodied "i will be tender hearted despite despite despite" and he did it while he was growing professionally and personally.

I'm sorry but look at that smile???? only the vilest spawn of satan could hate him my heart is about to burst rn.

He fr took some of the sourest lemons life offered him and along with pat turned it into a lemonade so sweet even 20 rewatches can't wash the sweetness off of it and i genuinely can't help but marvel in awe. I seriously need to sit down and think about this for days weeks ever cos really it is just something else. Pran is just something else.

He shows us how we're more than our trauma, how our choices are what define us and that even if it's difficult we can make that journey, and that we can do it with love.

#bad buddy #bad buddy meta #pran parakul #pran so brave #i love him your honor #bad buddy brain rot #the brain rot continues #this is us reference cos it was necessary #that lemonade metaphor never goes wrong #pran appreciation post #bad buddy the series

[hyenafu]

Chu, you ever have those moments where you're looking back at your comic and you see a little mistake? I get that all the time with my comic and I beat myself up for it like an idiot even though there's not really much of an issue at all.

Yes, I do. For the entire time I’ve been doing Slightly Damned, I tried my best to keep everything as consistent as possible. However, just like everyone else, I am an imperfect being. There’s a lot of clumsy wording, bad jokes, and dumb art mistakes that inhabit the archives of Slightly Damned.

But that’s okay. They’re not huge inconsistencies that make gaping plot holes (yet? 💦). They’re signs of growth. If I didn’t make those mistakes in the past, I don’t think I would have learned as much as I have. 20 years later, maybe my art isn’t superstar material to the comics world, but… well, I think my teenage self would think I’m pretty cool.

I just try to make every page reflect my best work. It doesn’t mean every page is better than the one that preceded it. There are ones that feel like they didn’t work out, or panels where I was just like “Aw hell, I don’t know!! at least the reader will know what’s happening! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED”.

Looking back at this massive, 1100+ page archive, it feels WILD to think that I could have made everything consistent. My drawing and writing styles have changed several times. I’m not even the same person I was when I started. My perception of the world and people around me is so different now. And they will probably keep changing as I get older.

If you’re feeling super stressed out because of your mistakes, try thinking of it less like “I have to make everything correct” and more like “I’m going to do my best to lay out a fantastic groundwork for the adaptation”.

That makes it sound like your comic being adapted is the goal, but I really don’t like that way of thinking. Comics are uniquely beautiful. What I mean is more like, even people reading your work will interpret it through their imagination. In this case, “the adaptation” would be what people think and feel from seeing your comic. Of course it’s fine to try to be consistent in order to avoid being confusing. But little bumps aren’t going to deter people from really enjoying what they like about your work.

I promise that your most favorite thing in the world is probably loaded with mistakes. They just don’t matter much to you because the part you like is way more important. I know it’s tough, but if we can forgive our favorite works for their shortcomings, then it makes sense that we should forgive ourselves, too. We’re all just doing the best we can.

Sometimes people like your work not just because of what you’ve done, but because they’re excited about what you’re going to do next.

#asks #slightly damned

[altraviolet]

I saw someone ask about the joint door, decided to share my notes on chapter 21 about said door— I find it sort of as a tool (? Not sure if that’s the right word for it) to show Rodimus’ growth specifically but that’s just my interpretation, I could be mistaken ofc:

This was the door to Drift's room.

No, this was the door to Soundwave's room. The one they shared. The one Rodimus had sealed up over and over. He lowered his hand. Wrong door.

I love that as his feelings for SW grow his hesitancy to open the down vanishes. Here he’s still a little hung up on Drift because he has never been able to vent about the gray years yet, later when Soundwave is ignoring him after the Stardrive incident he sneaks in the room— Update: In chapter 46 he just bursts in there and it is implied he comes through there all the time to be with Soundwave. I have the suspicion he barely leaves SWs room at this point.

Would love to hear more about your thought process including the door<3

First, the fact that you took notes and put down your thoughts concerning this detail makes my heart really happy, thank you for sharing 😭❤️

Second, you're spot on! The 'relationship' between Rodimus and the door changes as we move through the fic, and what you've stated above is correct. I'll admit, while writing, it wasn't cemented firmly in my brain in actual words. I just knew that the door would be ready when Rodimus was, and he'd use it.

Though! It might interest you to know that in my mind, for most of the fic, it was about Rodimus getting over his unhappiness with Drift. So, while you phrased it as, "Rodimus becomes more comfortable with Soundwave, so the door opens more," which to be clear IS TRUE, in my mind it started as "Rodimus becomes less uncomfortable that the room used to be Drift's, so the door opens more." There's a definite distinction there, but the two things happen to go hand-in-hand. One can't happen without the other.

I honestly can't remember labeling the door as a symbol in my brain early on while writing (some things are definitely Symbols and other things just Become Symbolic When I Look Back At Them), but if I had sat down and thought about it, or been directly asked, I would've realized that it is xD It's a literal door opening onto a new part of Rodimus's life, where he has let Drift go and welcomed SW in. By degrees, of course. There are a lot of messy feelings still, regarding Drift. And it's not always easy to let people in... we'll see more next chapter about that ;)

I'm trying to think if there was anything else about the door... oh yeah, he definitely used it when Drift lived next to him. For nighttime visits xD That's why he was so bitter about it later and had it sealed up. Those things aren't directly stated in the fic, but I'm hoping they don't have to be. It's all implied and follows the internal logic, so I hope folks picked that up.

And oh yes! One other thing. Folks may remember we got a description of Rodimus's room early on. I'mma copy paste that here as a reference for the next thing I wanted to share. Oh oh but while we're here:

The walls didn't answer. They did erupt into shifting holograms, photos and looping videos. Some were of Rodimus posing for the camera, action shots of him in battle or meteor surfing. Over the years, most of the solo images had been replaced by grinning selfies with friends, arms around shoulders, hoisting up a minibot or two.

The above, actually, isn't door related. I just wanted to say that the bolded sentence was meant to show that Rodimus had matured a little since LL #25. The tolls of their journey had forced him to recognize others above himself, and we see that reflected in the decor he chooses to display in his private space. OKAY back to the door:

Across the room was a collage of special images. Rodimus with the original crew of the Lost Light. Individual pics of him with 0001 Mirage and 0001 Trailbreaker and 0001 Skids. A pic of 0001 Ambulon with the rest of the medic crew. Tripodecta, Shock, and Ore sitting down for a drink together. Rodimus didn't have a picture with 0001 Atomizer. He did have a security footage loop of him and Whirl sneaking down a hallway. As always, Rodimus's gaze shifted from the photographs to the section of wall they adorned. It had once been a door. A door between his and Drift's room.

The door, very very specifically, is where he displays pictures of the mechs who died during the LL's canon adventure. These are the mechs he's always looking for. The ones he's already found, of course, are Trailbreaker, Ambulon, and Mirage.

So the door symbolizes not just his past with Drift, but his failures (in his mind) as a captain to keep those original crew members alive. That detail was deliberately chosen to link all those things together. No one's ever asked about it or mentioned it, as far as I can recall, but now you know :)

Woo, that's a lot of pressure for one little door!

So swinging back to your ask, in Ch 21 Rodimus was so excited to talk to Soundwave, he momentarily forgot how much he hated that door, and went right for it. And yes, when SW was avoiding him, he sneaked in that way (since there's a camera in the hall). And yup, he does spend quite a few nights at SW's now ;D

Hmmmmmmm... ok, I think that's it for the door! If you have any other questions just let me know. Thank you again for the interest in my writing!!

#nikkimna #echo garden related #ask #secret door #secret door lore #long post

[heich0e]

BACKGROUNDER - the one that got away!kuroo

note: hello!! if you're seeing this post, you probably clicked through from this fic, and if not... well that's ur own journey <3 this is a collection of posts from my #the one that got away!kuroo universe, which offer context to the main story but aren't strictly necessary—like... further readings, i guess. i contemplated how best to direct people here, and in order for you to most easily access this info, i settled for this post!! under the cut are all of the asks/text posts that ultimately culminated in the full fic, arranged in chronological order for your viewing convenience:

original text post: not to kill the vibe but kuroo tetsuro does give me big 'guy who isn't ready for marriage but then gets married to the first girlfriend he has after the two of you break up' energy for reasons i cannot quite put my finger on

> n to rub salt into the wound, you thought for sure you and kuroo would marry

you didn't think the breakup would stick. you always thought—or hoped, maybe—that the two of you would find your way back to each other when the time was right. but not even two years later (which feels so SOON, even though it isn't really) you see that he's engaged to a girl—a perfectly nice, normal girl, that you can't even bring yourself to hate because you know all too well what it's like to be in love with tetsuro. know what it's like to want a future with him. and you can't blame her for it, even if you resent her for being the one who gets it.

> after the wedding who do you go with? are you drunk out of your mind

you aren't invited. that stings. but you think it might have been worse if you did end up getting one of those beautiful, unnecessarily elaborate invitations in the mail. 

you run into kuroo a few months before the ceremony at a mutual friend's birthday party. end up talking. the wedding comes up accidentally more than anything—maybe someone else mentions it, maybe you ask, maybe he tells you like he's repenting for a sin he didn't commit—and he stumbles through an unbearably awkward explanation (that he doesn't even owe you) as to why you weren't invited. but you know even if he says it in nicer, easier to swallow words, gilded with white lies: it would be weird. it would be wrong. it wouldn't be fair to anyone. not to him, or to you, or to her.

you get drunk the night of the wedding and hook up with the guy you've been fucking for the past few months, who you're pretty sure doesn't even know what you do for work even though you've told him multiple times. all your friends are dressed up and celebrating, and you're throwing up in the hotel bathroom by 2am while the guy sleeps in the bed a room away—completely, blissfully unaware of what's happening on the other side of the wall, let alone at a glittering venue across town.

you envy him for it.

> does kuroo still love reader? does he love her?

he does still love reader AND love his fiance too. maybe in different ways. maybe his love for reader is like guilt. maybe his love for his soon-to-be wife is more like atonement. i don't think it took kuroo very long to realize what he did to you was, well, sort of cruel. i think he regrets it deeply and thinks about it often. in a fucked up sort of way it makes him better to his new partner, because he doesn't want to hurt someone like that again because of his own immaturity. it's unfortunate, but it's like she gets to reap all the benefits of the growth he experiences at your expense.

> Will it ever get better for you after kuroos wedding

of course it will. that's the really weird thing about heartbreak: life just keeps going. you feel like your heart has been cleaved out of your chest, but then you just... go to work. you do your laundry. you read a new book that becomes an all time favourite. you spend time with your friends and family. you go on dates. you learn all the lyrics to new songs. you celebrate holidays and birthdays. and one day you realize it's been years and you're in a totally different part of your life now, and the boy you thought would one day be holding your hand on your deathbed doesn't even know what the inside of your new apartment looks like. and you don't know what his looks like, either. and it's still sad, and hard sometimes, but all you can do is keep going. keep trying to find new happiness even if it's not the one you wanted. and hope that somewhere out there he has a new favourite book too. 

> think of Kai who was secretly pining for you during your relationship with Kuroo. Yet, he still doesn't have it in him to confess his feelings. So, he does the next best thing: he becomes your booty call. But when you slip during one of your hook-ups--when you moan Kuroo's name--he realizes it would never work out between the two of you. Your heart is so full of Kuroo that there's no room for him.

kuroo is so beloved by the people around him that i don't think there's a friend in his life who would EVER betray him like that—even if they did have feelings for you. even more than that, a lot of the friends that he introduced you to during your relationship (who you got close to) seem to grow distant after the breakup. even though it was his fault, really. even though you were their friend too. they just seem to naturally gravitate back to him, like belongings that are divvied up after a divorce. and there's no hard feelings. they don't dislike you, or even do it consciously, it just... happens.

you do definitely call out tetsuro's name when you're hooking up with other people though. it never ends well.

> sorry if u’ve already answered this but how long did kuroo and reader date?

they met in high school, and always had little crushes on each other but it never went anywhere. kuroo FINALLY confessed at graduation (he tried to be rly smooth like the shoujo protag he isn't and almost botched it) and they started dating at 18. they dated for a little over 5 years. broke up at 23. kuroo stayed single for a while before he started dating his (eventual) wife, and they got married at around 26. reader moved away from Tokyo when she was 28-29. and reader and kuroo are both in their mid-to-late 30s when the fic opens!!

#totga!kuroo #btw if you're seeing this rn the fic is not posted yet LMAO

[lady-rose-moon]

Growing Up || TS!Loki & Haven fic ||

A/N; it has been over a year since Haven Lokdottir was introduced into my writing. Since that time, I've grown and improved. What better way to show that than to show Haven's growth? I hope you enjoy ❤️ this is more of a WIP that I know I won't finish so I'm posting this <3

↣ MASTERLIST

Cabin in the Mountains || TS!Loki x Reader ||

It took a while to accept that time was moving quickly for you and Loki. Your small bungalow cabin in the mountains had been remodelled and now had a second floor to accommodate for Kore now in your lives. After Haven's jealousy and self-doubt had passed through family therapy, Kore suggested that she take the room upstairs so that Haven could have her old room back just for herself.

It had taken Haven another hundred years through therapy to accept that she wasn't being abandoned by her parents just because they had a new addition. It was purely the opposite, they had Kore to strengthen their family but young Haven hadn't seen it that way. Now, through therapy, Haven felt accepted in her family again.

However, it wasn't long after that, just three hundred years, that Haven announced that she was leaving. The kitchen was silent in the wake of her statement and the eldest child of Loki saw her father cry for a whole new reason.

"Papa," Haven whispered solemnly, walking toward her father and holding his cheek lovingly, showing him her best smile as she fought her own tears, "I am of age, I want to live on my own now, go to University perhaps! Rule the world if I could! I want to... live. Not that I haven't lived here - of course I have! It's just..."

Loki chuckled and pulled his daughter into his arms, running his hand down her back as he tried to stop his tears. "I know, petal," he whispered comfortingly, feeling her body shudder with unshed tears, "I grew up in a home so different to the life you wish to leave but if it is what you wish, I wish you well, my dear daughter."

The Goddess of Dreams pulled away to look at her father and finally shed her tears as she nodded her gratitude. "I promise to write to you," she whispered, looking between her mother and father with emotions that she used to hide, "and Kore too. Mayhap I shall come home soon enough, bored of the world."

Loki barked a laugh at that, shaking his head with soft emotion, "if you are anything like your mother, sweet goddess, you will never tire of the world."

It was two months later that Haven dropped her bags into her New York apartment. Loki's exile from America did not apply to his children as the US Government had no reason to judge them when their mother was considered an Avenger even if they were only legends now. However, his exile ended the moment Captain Rogers passed away a hundred years ago.

Already there was so much different from the peace of Haven's secluded life in the mountains of Norway. The cars on the streets were loud and the people were always in a hurry and Haven sometimes felt like she was suffocating when she was visiting.

Loki walked in with a few boxes floating behind him moments later and looked around the compact apartment with a soft breath. "A Princess of Asgard deserves better than a small block to live in," he grumbled, watching as his daughter brushed over the countertops of the kitchen and he sighed, "but will you be happy here?"

"I'm just starting out," Haven smiled at her father before walking into the equally tiny bedroom and biting her nail as she looked around, "it's just until I get more money to afford a better apartment or even a house!"

The God of Mischief frowned at his daughter, knowing that she had all the money she could ever want but chose to start out by herself. Instead of stating what he wanted to say, Loki took her into his arms and kissed her forehead with a gentle whisper, "you're so grown up, my princess."

Haven smiled up at her father and hugged him tight. "I'm going to miss you, dad, but I have to do this," she whispered before pulling away with a grin, turning back to her room and clicking her fingers making her furniture move into how she wanted it to be. With a delighted sigh, the girl jumped on her bed and laughed.

Loki wanted to follow her into her bedroom to assist but you gently laid your hand on his chest and whispered, "Thomas, let her decide, this is not our house. She's our girl."

The God of Mischief sighed and nodded, wrapping an arm around your waist before guiding you into the kitchen to begin unpacking the pans and glasses. "I'm... Not ready," Loki admitted, his hands fumbling with polishing a wine glass with Haven's name written beautifully on it, "I thought I would be but I'm not."

You softened and smiled, holding the nape of his neck and pressing a kiss to his lips, "you're ready, come on you're the great God of Mischief and the great inventor Thomas Sharpe! You are ready."

Loki smiled and shook his head, pressing a kiss to your forehead delicately, swaying side to side with you to an invisible tune as he processed the situation and took a deep breath. You were right, he was ready, he just didn't want to let her go.

@lokisgoodgirl @lokisninerealms @slpnbty2001 @jennyggggrrr @hahaha12123445 @ozymdias @holdmytesseract @itsybitchylittlewitchy @lovingchoices14 @xorpsbane @huntress-artemiss @muddyorbs @nerdy-fangirl-65 @lonadane @silverfire475 @chantsdemarins @iamsherlocked1479 @kittiowolf210 @just-someone11 @stupidthoughtsinwriting @loki-laufeyson-1054 @fictive-sl0th @coldnique @anukulee @eleniblue @asgards-princess-of-mischief

#loki x reader #loki #loki laufeyson #haven and loki #daddy loki #haven lokidottir #papa!loki #twhiddleston #tom hiddleston #loki x you #loki fluff #hot loki #loki (marvel) #imagines

[buniyaad]

Hey so I'm interested in writing for bartkon week, but I like doing frankly excessive research on characters before I try writing them...and honestly I don't really want to read all of SB94, impulse and YJ just to get a handle on what I'm doing, that's a lot even for me. I know some general stuff about the both of them, but not to the point where I'm like "Ah yes, I understand the soul of the matter" So I was wondering if there were like any specific arcs or points of characterization that I could read through to get the dynamic right?

shfkjdsfd ngl, I'm the worst person to ask bc my romance with BartKon didn't even start with BartKon....... it started with Clark/Bart from Smallville 😭😭😭 I'm exceptionally weak for Kryptonian/Speedster romances, but whereas Clark/Bart was the gateway, Bart/Kon is where my heart resides. And I don't ship any other Kryptonians with Speedster. Literally just Clart from Smallville and BartKon from the comics. Just giving you context so you don't think I'm some subject matter expert with a phd in BartKononomics ...... I am just a lady in her thirties who has carboard boxes full of sb/imp/yj singles cuz Clart made her Feel Things when she was a kid and she decided to Do Something about it (aka read comics).

BUT TO YOUR QUESTIONS!

If you want a high level overview of the ship, @radioactive-earthshine's KonBart Manifesto is a great place to start. It has the ship's Best Highlights, and really sums up why there is a small but dedicated fanbase to it. Dedicated enough that I broke my near-ten year cold turkey of mainline DC comics because my main man Bendis put BartKon back on the map while I was living my life blissfully unaware that DC had even hired Bendis to begin with and that the Diamond distro monopoly died. I was shocked. Still am. Two things I never thought would happen in my lifetime.

Now to understand the soul of Bart and Kon.... you're gonna have to look at that things that don't really have Bart and Kon on the same page. Part of the reason why BartKon Speaks to Me is because their relationship progression over the year directly ties back to their individual growth as characters.

So reading material 1: In Impulse, Bart starts off as the speedster equivalent of a feral bobcat, but slowly progresses into an empathetic, understanding, and an overall Good Man. Much of his story deals with the harsh realities of simply growing up different. Running theme of Imp fandom is that Mark Waid created and wrote an autist with ADHD without meaning too, and by Allah he sure did. It's fascinating because Bart harbors both grief and rage due to his predicaments, and the adults in his life are incredibly unkind (even if they are well-meaning), so Impulse has always been, in my understanding, the slice-of-life that really helps Bart to come of age into a Man and a Great Hero. You don't have to read the whole series, but if you can read at least the first twenty or so issues, you'll find yourself rooting for the little man and see how he shines in terms of empathy, understanding, love, and dealing with unresolved rage/grief/loss.

Reading material 2: Superboy is a trick and a half because it deals with issues of child neglect, grooming, the allegory of child star exploitation, and so on and so forth. The BartKon implications are There, but the reason why Superboy is incredibly important is because Superboy as a character is more than just his parentage. Contrary to popular belief, Geoff is NOT the main man in this story. Reading even just the first twenty issues of Superboy will show you Kon was failed by most of the adults in his life, and Superman is NOT his villain. Or the root of his daddy issues. Bro didn't even have a name until much later. If you wanna know who Superboy REALLY was before the Geoffian Era, you can read the first twenty odd issues. If you wanna go earlier, you could read his parts in Reign of the Supermen, just to get an understanding as to why he HAD to be the way he was during this time.

Reading material 3: I do not recommend reading all of YJ 98 for the BartKon bc YJ 98 is hijinks fun. It's GREAT reading for absurdist and comical situations, but only really works with context from Impulse and Superboy to get to the BartKon heart of it all. Not to say YJ 98 wouldn't give you the BartKon goodness, it sure does, but the soul doesn't come together if you don't get how Bart evolved in Impulse and how terribly Kon was treated in Superboy. You can read really anything in YJ to have fun with the group, but if you wanna fast track, you can read the last twenty or so issues and Titans/Young Justice Graduation Day.

Reading material 4: The Geoffian era..... I wouldn't wish Teen Titans 2003 on my worse enemy. Funniest thing is that at the time, I was just starting to watch Smallville. In love with Smallville!Bart already, I embarked on my Superboy journey.... had mixed feelings, so I stuck mostly to the 90's content. Ended up reading impulse a decade later, but long story short.... the Geoffian Era set a Tone and Direction for Bart and Kon that never sit well with me. There IS story there, if you are interested in reading about Daddy Issues, Masculine Identity, and a shit ton of other stuff that really pulled Kon away from his roots and made him more of a Emotionally Tortured Super. If that floats your boat, you may enjoy it. You can read a handful of comics from this era. Just know that in the end, he suffers anyway, just in an ugly ass outfit. The only real bit I'd recommend forreal forreal is when he dies. His whole arc in the Geoffian Era really just tells us he doesn't know how to live and thus he... dies. It's sad bc the writers before him despite having tortured Kon relentlessly, never really made him so...... hopeless.

Reading material 5: Flashpoint.... Bart dies, but I personally did not feel much for him because Bart didn't feel like Bart in the end, but yeah, he kicks it. This is where I pretty much kicked DC to the side too, minus the mistake that was reading RHATO. You can read Kid Flash Lost if you'd like.

Do not read New 52.

Reading material 6:.... my main man Bendis. No you do not have to read all of YJ 2019, but BartKon reunion and then Bart's explication as to WHY he found Kon is all you need. Bendis, despite the hate he gets, actually shows that he has great love for the YJ line. BartKon especially. The bald headed demon proves yet again that he care not for the world, only for his faves, which I'm cool with bc BartKon are me faves.

I know. A lotta reading. Those numbers I gave you.... you can also just read half of what I said kjdhgkhd Googling also helps! I know it's not always feasible to read so many comics, and I'mma be real, the Tone for many may not entice you either. Impulse feels like a slice-of-life to me, but YJ's an absurd shounen, and Superboy is the saddest book you'll ever read that is absolutely hilarious when you can accept that 90's writers just Did Not Care. Geoff hates Bart and Kon. New 52 is not real. Bendis actually loves BartKon a LOT, so you can just read their tidbits and find peace in the fact that Bart Allen, the loneliest fucker in existence, found his Kon El, who is the saddest fucker in existence. Something something, I will find you even if God wants us both dead. And God (editorial) did. I don't know how Bendis pulled the shit that he did, but he put a decades old rarepair back on the map after the Geoffian Reign. And Geoff hates Bart and Kon.

Happy Reading/Googling/Researching!!!!

#bartkon #konbart #bart allen #kon el #dc comics #real talk #superboy #impulse

[spitblaze]

thoughts continue to percolate on Jobswap AU

So, as aforementioned, Therion is a surgeon apothecary who lost faith in himself and his profession after losing a patient who had some significance to him after a preventable accident and then being accosted by the family in his grief. He gave up the whole thing for several years, living in relative isolation close to Bolderfall. Until one day, when a desperate woman shows up at the door and begs for his help. She had heard he was an apothecary with knife skills, and sought him out immediately. Her younger sister, she says, has a giant growth on her neck, and if it doesn't come off soon, it's going to kill her. Other apothecaries have tried, but they all said it was impossible, that it was too difficult to remove it without damaging her wind pipe or major arteries. Or something. Idk. The point is that this situation is really dire and this kid reminds him of the patient he lost so he pulls the scalpel out 'one last time' to save her. She lives, and he remembers why he took up the mantle to start- the purpose of the apothecary. Doing this, he takes his journey.

Chapters two and three are mostly unrelated, basically chapters of Black Jack. Therion goes from town to town, sometimes charging ridiculous amounts of money for surgery, sometimes performing completely free of charge. He saves whoever he can, and those who abuse his abilities for their own gain find themselves with karmic retribution. Throughout the whole thing, though, there's the undercurrent of something worse happening. Another surgeon like him, traveling and charging ridiculous fees. He's a miracle worker, they say- he provides entire new organs when old ones fail, pulls people back from the very brink of death. But when his patients can't pay up, they mysteriously disappear...

Chapter four. Therion meets Darius. Fellow apothecary, wealthy fellow, personal doctor to the Ciannos. He has a proposal for Therion- they go into business, establish their own practice, charge out the nose and turn away all who don't pay. They both have reputations- Therion is the Beast Apothecary, a medic who works so fast and so precise it's almost inhuman, not afraid to use unorthodox methods to achieve his results. Darius is the Miracle Apothecary, a man who can seemingly bring people back from the brink of death with tools and materials nobody else has. The two of them together could do whatever they want, and who would stop them? Therion declines- he prefers the freedom of traveling where he pleases and doing as he wishes. A partnership would complicate things, and put him on more of a leash than he'd like. Besides, he's heard...rumors about what happens to his patients that don't pay up. Darius threatens him and leaves, and Therion investigates later on. Maybe follows some goons from the home of someone who hasn't paid, maybe scopes out Darius's 'hideout' by putting together information given to him by locals. Either way, he gets in, and discovers that Darius has been kidnapping the patients who don't pay up and harvesting their blood and tissue and organs. Horrifying! He fucking kills Darius. Darius tries to give him that 'you're no better than me' schtick but it doesnt work because he's regained his faith! In himself! In his profession! And I'm American so in my head it's a whole criticism of the for-profit healthcare industry!!! FUCK you Darius

Because I like it when stories cross over and it isn't actually a game trying to make sure you can complete all the stories in whatever order you want, Darius is also a major player in Alfyn's story! Alfyn lost his parents to the plague that swept through Clearbrook as a child. He survived thanks to a traveling apothecary, but he had nowhere to go after that ('but what about zeph' idk shh dont worry about it), and ended up turning to a life of petty theft after hitching a ride to Saintsbridge. He joins up with a group of thieves called the Red Hoods, as their newest and youngest member. They're all pretty cool people, somewhere between Robin Hood and Ye Olde Mutual Aid Organization. They look out for themselves and the little guy, steal from the rich, give to the poor, skim a bit off the top.

These guys are his best friends for years, he hones his skills as a thief, learned how the world works and how to help, basically everything he knows he learned from the Red Hoods. All is well until six years before present day, when Alfyn is fifteen. The Red Hoods plan a heist on the Ciannos, a crime family that's been terrorizing locals and hoarding money. Alfyn is briefly held up by helping a kid do something, look for their cat or whatever but makes it to the meeting point in time to see that they were lured into a trap. He peeks from behind a doorway, seeing a red-haired figure laugh about how gullible they were, how trusting and naive they all were for trusting each other. All of his friends are beaten and bloodied, some already dead. One sees him from the doorway and tells him to run, to get out while he still can. To keep the Red Hoods alive. Unable to act, Alfyn flees, only barely evading becoming a victim himself.

Years later he's still saddled with grief and survivor's guilt, thinking that if he had just said no to the kid who asked for help, if he had just taken a different route, if he had just been there to scout ahead, if, if, if. He's carried on the name of the Red Hoods as a one-man gang, unable to bring himself to allow anyone else into his heart that he could just lose in an instant again. He leaves calling cards after robbing the wealthy and unjust blind and redistributing it among the lower class. He does this until he happens to redistribute the wealth from the one family he shouldn't have- the Ravuses. From here it's basically Therion's story, except with Alfyn. You know how it goes. Get the Dragonstones and we'll remove the Blackmail Bracelet.

The end of his story coincides with Therion's story (also thematically appropriate bc im incapable of not giving them a slow burn romance) when they finally confront Darius. Darius comments on how the 'little coward thief' or whatever finally grew a spine, and how he can meet his end like the rest of his little friends. No longer afraid, Alfyn loudly declares that as long as he's alive, the Red Hoods will never die, and in a moment of solidarity, the rest of the party declares that they too are Red Hoods. Its very touching and inspirational and worthy of some Toby Fox music and then they beat the everloving shit out of Darius.

I am aware there are several holes in this story. And to that I say: Don't Worry About It.

#spitblaze says things #spitblaze draws things #octopath #octopath traveler #therion #therion (octopath) #alfyn greengrass #jobswap au #spitblaze writes things

[romanarose]

Boys of Summer

Francisco "Catfish" Morales X Benjamin "Benny" Miller

11k words (a monstrosity)

All fanfic masterlist : Triple Frontier masterlist

Summary: Over a series of summers, Benny and Frankie meet, and realize they aren't who they thought they were. For the better part of 20 years, they grapple with their sexuality, and a myriad of factors that get in the way of them being together.

Warnings: LOOOOOTS of internalized homophobia, mentions of gay bashing, homophobia, Tom is a piece of shit, yeah I can call what he does a hate crime. Internalized biphobia, Frankie doesn't realize bisexuality is an option, worry that Frankie would "turn" Benny gay. chunks of this takes place in the early 2000's, and they don't really have words or education for what they are going through. Some minor smut, handjob, humping, semi public ig? their far enough away. angst angst angst.

A/N: Pedro Pascal is like 12 years older than Garrett Hedlund, but for the sack of this fic, it starts with Benny at 19 and Frankie at 21.

This is my 3rd TF fic titled after a Don Henly song. First End of the Innocence, then Leather and Lace, now this.

********************

Summer 2003

I can see you

Your brown skin shinin' in the sun

I see you walking real slow and you're smilin' at everyone

Benjamin Miller leaned against his piece of shit pick up truck, smoking and waiting to catch sight of his older brother and the guys he was bringing home on leave. Two years ago, Will joined the army straight out of high school, desperate for a reason to get off the farm and away from their dad, leaving Ben to deal with it alone. Things weren’t as bad as they used to be; after Benny began his growth spurt, much later than most boys his age, Benny had shot up, and he suspected their dad didn’t want to risk the fact Benny could probably beat his ass in return now. Ben always thought he’d leave as soon as he could. Maybe not the military, he wasn't one to follow orders, but maybe he’d run off somewhere, go to a big city where no one knew him or the Miller family name. Maybe he’d pick a new name, pick a new self, he wouldn’t have to be a Miller, from a family of alcoholics and meth addicts, he wouldn’t have to be Benny, the scrawny, lanky teenager he couldn’t seem to grow out of even though he’d put on muscle the last few years. He certainly wouldn’t have to be ‘Will’s brother’ the insanely gawky kid who was only saved from most of the bullying by being under Will’s protection.

 People liked Will, and for good reason. He was handsome, played football, and still got great grades. He was easy to get along with for both girls and guys, and responsible. Sure, he’d go to the parties out in the corn fields, but he’d collect car keys and only hand them off to the dd’s. Girls like having him around because they could trust him, and he kept an eye on everyone's drinks and who went home with who. Will didn’t care if you’re his teammate, if a girl was sleeping off a few drinks, no one's going in that room, and the only people taking her home are her friends. Will wasn’t quick to fight the way Ben was, he managed to push down all the horrible things that had been inflicted on them, channel it into being productive, and now he was in the army, rising quickly through the ranks and making friends easily.

 He’d heard these guys' names tossed around on phone calls here and there, but he didn’t know anything about them, really. In truth, Ben was less than thrilled that he was bringing them home. Granted, their was some unresolved feelings of abandonment that had already been festering for years, and it didn’t help that Will was bringing back two guys he’d never met before to take up more of his brothers time, as if they didn’t see him enough? But ma told him those guys didn’t have family, and it wasn’t right to leave them alone over 4th of July when they were 'serving our country'. That wasn’t really the issue. The issue, deep down, was that these three had something going for them, something happening, somewhere to be. Ben didn’t. It was the first week of July, Ben had graduated nearly 2 months ago, and he had no plans, no goals, nothing to do besides work on the farm through harvest. Technically, he could work on the farm the rest of his life, but he didn’t want that. He needed direction, and was looking for guidance. They were just a reminder he hadn’t found it yet. 

“Get that shit out of your mouth, Benny boy!” Will's voice bellowed over the crowd, jovial but serious. He hated smoking.

Ben looked up from where he was kicking rocks with his boots, and saw his brother approaching him. Before it could be stopped, Will took him in, rubbing his knuckle on Benny’s head.

“Ah shit! You’re almost too tall for a noogie!” 

Despite Ben finally growing, he still was an inch shorter than Will, and was ever-wishing he had grown a few more, but at 19, he realized this was probably it.

“Hey man” Ben tried to hide his excitement in a blase tone, but his face struggled to keep back the grin, excited to see Will after his 9 month stint in Poland. 

“These are the guys”

Benny’s eyes fell on Santi first. He was shorter, handsome, his hair was shaved, strong jaw and dark eyes. Santi smiled enthusiastically lip curling with his smile as he shook his hand, saying it was nice to meet Benny after all this time. He seemed nice.

But then Benny saw Frankie, and he felt like everything shifted for him. Benny never considered himself gay, as much as people in middle school and early high school called him all the slurs in the book, Benny never considered himself much of anything, really. He had lots of friends, many of whom were girls, but Benny never dated them, except for Savannah in 7th grade but that was just because she asked him and what was he supposed to do? Say no? Well probably, but that little ‘romance’ fizzled out within a few weeks. Since then, Benny hadn’t felt much attraction to anyone. When other men were gawking over Jessica Alba or Gwen Stefani, Benny simply didn’t look at anyone, wondering for a long time if something was wrong with him.

Then there was Frankie. In his early youth, Francisco Morales was a bit on the gawky side of things as well. Big nose, big ears, a face that was still settling in and an awkward army haircut, but at first sight, Benny didn’t notice any of the features that he later found so handsome, he just noticed his eyes, and that’s all he needed. For the first time in his life, he felt seen, understood. Frankie’s eyes were pretty brown, large and not unlike a puppy dog, but had a sadness to him, a depth Benny couldn’t help but be drawn to.

“Hey, I’m Frankie.” The shy man stood until Santi elbowed him, only then did he extend his hand to Benny. “Benny” He wondered if Frankie could tell the way his hand was shaking, was it as hot and clammy as he felt? His grip was strong, not aggressive but reassuring, secure. 

The Will insisted on driving, saying it was his truck, although Benny had inherited it when Will left, and the piece of shit sure as hell wasn’t going to make it to their west coast base, and a Benny sat in the back of the truck with Frankie, he felt hyper aware of everything he did, everything he said. He tried his best to act normal that day, as introductions were made, as their ma smothered her favorite child, and their dad pretended like that scar on Will’s arm didn’t come from him. They were a perfectly normal, happy family. As predicted, Benny didn’t get to see much of Will that day. Will had better things to do, better things than his annoying younger brother, he had army buddies to introduce to all his loser high school friends who were back in town for the summer.

Frankie wasn’t entirely sure what was going on with him. His usual social anxiety had been buzzing non-stop, but after meeting Will’s younger brother, it was ten fold. The boy was striking. Long, shaggy blonde hair pulled back in a backwards baseball cap, in a way that whenever he took it off to run his fingers through, Frankie found himself starring. He wanted to feel it in his own fingers. All week, he found himself waiting for glimpses of him, at breakfast when Benny walked by, grabbing a piece of french toast and saying hi before hoping in the jeep of a friend, or when Frankie, Santiago and Will ran into him at the gas station buying beer even though he absolutely was not old enough, but the cashier was a friend. Everyone was his friend, it seemed. Will had described him as such. Social, loud, fun, the kind of guy you want at your party to keep it going, but who you really know nothing about. Benny knew everyone, but no one knew him. Frankie knew what their dad did, how he beat them, and the more glimpses he got of Benjamin Miller, the angrier it made him. He already hated the man for doing that to Will, his friend, but something about Benny made Frankie want to protect him at an animalistic level. He was so cheerful, so polite to everyone, so genuine. Will didn’t spend a lot of time at the farm, for obvious reasons, but when Benny was around, he made more than polite conversations, he actually listened.

Frankie had operated under the assumption he was straight most of his life. He had sex with plenty of girls, so that was it, right? You like girls or you like guys. There wasn’t a secret third option… was there? No. He wasn’t going there. He wouldn’t allow himself to think it, and he would simply ignore every heart palpitation and the way his eyes followed everywhere Benny went.

It had been a few days at this point, several days of Benny attempting to not make it too obvious he was staring at Frankie’s strong jawline and alkaline nose every fucking chance he could. A bit of stumble had grown on him and Santi, Will preferring to keep clean shaven, but the other two enjoyed not having to shave for a few days. It was fourth of July, and as midnight approached, Benny sat on the porch smoking a cigarette and drinking his dads beer when Will’s- his truck pulled up, the sputtering engine coming to such a stop Benny wondered how many more starts it had left, and to his surprise, only Frankie stepped out.

“Hey” Benny called out as to not startle the boy as he sat in the darkness, not wanting to attract mosquitoes.

“Oh, hey man” Frankie nodded, his baseball cap tilting in the moonlight.

“Where are the others?” 

Frankie slowly stepped up the stairs, a nervous energy buzzing around him. “They're all still going. Party got a little crowded for me, so they said they’d catch a ride over.”

That sounded like Will. Benny was certain Will had picked up on Frankies stress and given him an easy out. 

“Well, there’s plenty of beer in the cooler if you want some” Benny kicked the red cooler to the side of him, and nodded his head over to the otherside of the porch swing he was on.

Frankie seemed to be considering, but eventually he took Benny up on his offer, settling uncomfortably down on the seat, as far away from Benny as he could get.

“Relax, man, I don’t bite” Unless you- no no no, not doing that

With a small smile, Frankie relaxed and moved just a bit closer, and attempted to open the tab of the shitty beer.

“Here.” Benny took the beer from Frankie’s hand, noticing the man’s chewed down nails, and opened it for him.

“Thanks” He mumbled before taking a drink. “It’s nice out here”

Ben nodded. “Yeah. It’s my quiet place, away from-” He gestured indoors “All that”

“Your mom seems nice”

Benny didn’t miss how Frankie didn’t say anything about his dad. Will must’ve told them. 

“Yeah. She is. She deserved better.” Then Benny waited a minute for a reply.

It was barely a whisper. “You do too.” There was silence for a while, and Frankie worried he crossed a line. He barely knew him… but he felt like he did. Benny lightened up his mood whenever he entered the room, he planned the days around trying to see him again… 

“Thanks, man” Benny spoke softly, with a smile.

A quick change in conversion was one of Frankie’s best skills. “So, fourth of July, no parties for you to go to?”

Benny’s laugh was loud and joyful. “No, I was definitely at one. May or may not have gotten in a fight”

That caught Francisco’s attention. “You?” He couldn’t imagine that ray of sunshine getting in a fight.

“Yeah” Another laugh. Benny obviously wasn’t taking it too seriously. “I don’t even remember what it was about, but I lost, so I had to leave.” Benny then reached back to switch on the porch light, illuminating the graphic bruise forming on his eye. 

“Jesus Ben!” “Relax man” Ben grinned. “This is far from- what are you-” His words died there.

Frankie took off his shirt, and whatever else he was doing or saying was completely lost on the younger man, he was too busy shamelessly staring. He was lean, petite hips, but the definition of muscle was prominent. Not ripped, but toned in a way you naturally build in the military. Frankie’s shoulders, even in their youth, were broad, and Benny couldn’t tear his eyes away from the way his shoulders moved as his arms worked their way out of the shirt.

Unsure what took over him, that instinct to protect took over Frankie. He took off his shirt, scooping ice from the cooler and wrapped it up in the shawty material before walking over to the other side of the boy. It wasn’t lost on Frankie that Benny was staring. “Scoot over” he demanded.

Looking up at Frankie with adoring blue eyes, he did as he was told.

Frankie sat down next to him, carefully laying the make-shift ice pack over his swelling eye. “Stay still”

“Yes drill sergeant” Benny teased, ever playful. 

Frankie looked over at him with a rare smile as fireworks a few farms over went off. “Beautiful” Frankie said, staring at Benny’s eyes, but nodding to the fireworks.

Benny made no attempts to hide. “Yeah. Beautiful.”

Summer, 2004

I thought I knew what love was

What did I know?

Those days are gone forever

I should just let them go but

Benny had been waiting for this since May. Will and the guys had visited, and it was Frankie who suggested Benny come out and visit them in August. By the time it had rolled around, it had began to cool off a bit up north, the last week of august offering great hunter weather. Frankie and Santi had moved high enough in the ranks that they could move out of the barracks, opting to still share a bedroom apartment to save money, but get away from the people that caused Frankie so much stress. Will preferred to stay on base. Frankie had said Benny could stay with them, and Santi agreed. Benny was hesitant, but when Will practically begged, said he had someone he wanted Ben to meet, and how could he say no to his brother wanting to spend time with him?

And how could he say no to spending the week in Frankie’s home?

Frankie had spoken to Ben a few times in the last year, Frankie somehow always finding out when Will was making phone calls and having some random question to ask just to hear his voice for a few minutes. That week in May was spent with Benny and tagging along with more and more of Will’s antics with his friends, starting with Frankie inviting Benny along drinking once, and ending with Will banging on Benny’s door at 4 AM, telling him if he wants to go fishing with them he’d better fucking hurry. Frankie was a natural peacekeeper, bridging the gap that had formed between Benny and Will in their adolescent. Will always protected Ben, was always there for him in emergencies, but he viewed Benny as a little brother, a child, even as Benny hit another growth spurt, pulling him up another two inches and making him taller than Will. When Benny picked up the guys that May, Frankie found himself flushed and flustered at the boys new height, admiring how much he seemed to have come into his own. By the time August rolled around and Benny came out east, the awkward 19 year old had given way to a strong, tall, man. His hair was longer, to his shoulders, shaggy, and with the white t-shirt and jeans made him look like Kurt Cobain, someone Frankie only recently realized his damn near obsession with the singer had to do with a crush he was sporting, something that it was becoming harder to ignore had transferred to his friend's younger brother.

“Hey man” Benny greeted Frankie with a pat on the back, and Frankie could swear his fingers lingered on his spine. Was Benny gay? Will never said anything about Benny dating one way or another, and it wasn’t exactly like Frankie could just ask, and Frankie wasn’t entirely sure himself. He’d hooked up with plenty of girls in the year he met Ben, it wasn’t like he had turned gay… is that how it worked? Are you straight one day and then one day you meet a golden god of a man suddenly you’re gay? If that was it, Frankie wasn’t gay, he could still get hard for women… so why did he want to feel Ben’s skin, why did he want to hold Ben when he was frustrated, smooth out that furrowed brow or kiss his pouting lips, yank that hat off his head and run his fingers through that raggedy blonde hair and give it a pull…

Benny absolutely purposefully trailed his hands down Francisco’s back. He wasn’t sure what entirely was going on between them, but he was sure he wanted to feel more of his warmth. The day he saw Frankie at the airport last year, he was certain everything changed, like something woke up that had been waiting, waiting, waiting… Now he could recognize it, he recognized why he never dated; he didn’t want women, he barely knew if he wanted men, but what he did know was he wanted Frankie… Ben found Frankie in the center of his fantasies, who he thought of when he took those long showers or when he was lonely and cold in bed, wishing Frankie’s arms were wrapped around him, holding him as his dad screamed about something or another in the kitchen. He still felt like a scared child in his dad's presence.

Benny longed for the sense of comfort, the bit of direction Frankie provided in his limited presence, the way, when Benny was on the phone with Will, he could hear Frankie in the background say ‘Oh hey, can I talk to Ben real quick? Something’s fucky with my truck’. The way, after Benny answered some stupid question Will could’ve answered himself, Frankie always asked how Ben was doing. Sometimes Ben said fine, and you? With the desperate hope that Frankie would give him insight, some small sliver of his life to understand him better. Sometimes, if things were bad, Benny might casually bring it up ‘Oh, just fine, just kinda wishin’ I’d went to college like my friends, you know?’ And Frankie would always offer some words of encouragement, something quick and simple that didn’t sound strange from Will’s end, but always made Benny feel better, just to know that Frankie thought Benny was doing ‘Just fine’

The ‘someone’ Will wanted Benny to meet, it turned out, was a man named Tom Davis. Tom was several years older than Will, and was a rising star in the military world. Benny was apprehensive. Tom bought Benny and Will dinner, and asked Ben a lot of questions on his interests in skills, suspiciously interested. Ben learned a long time ago that people who care this much want something from you. Or they're Frankie. Only Frankie asked him this many questions, and actually paid attention to the answers. After diner, Tom offered to give Benny a tour of the base, and although Benny didn’t really care, the guy had bought him dinner, and grandma Miller raised him with manners, so he agreed. He just wanted this over so he can get back to the apartment and spend time with his brother and the two men he had come to see as companions of his own, Frankie and Santi. 

A few days later, all three of the guys had requested the day off for a hunting trip with Ben, just a few hour drive into the Washington forest in Frankie’s pick up. As everyone unloaded their equipment, Benny slide up to Frankie, his arms firm against his, and he could swear he saw Frankie blush. “Truck made it out here fine.” He commented cooly.

“Uh, yeah. She’s a good truck.” He replied, not able to meet Benny’s eyes when the kid was this fucking close and christ, did he know what he was doing?

With his best attempt at a playful tone, his voice dropping low as he grew closer to avoid anyone hearing. “Damn that’s crazy though, considering the amount of times you told me she wasn’t running.”

Frankie’s large brown eyes flicked over to Benny’s blue ones, and he froze. Was Benny flirting? Was Frankie going to flirt back? What would he say? He felt the words stuck inside him, until Will came around the corner. “You two go north, I’m going east with Santi, we’ll meet up at the ridge around noon and recovine, sound good?”

Benny spoke, knowing Frankie was likely too flustered. “Sounds good.” When Will walked away, Benny followed after, leaning over to Frankie as he did “Just you and me, Frank”

Christ, Frankie thought, that kid would be the death of him.

As the pair progressed shooting small game, Benny teasing Frankie on his lousy aim, Benny had lost his flirty edge, and Frankie was thankful. Maybe Ben picked up on his anxiety and took a step back. It wasn’t that Frankie didn’t like Benny… flirting? Is that what it was? It wasn’t that he didn’t like it, it was that he was nervous, terrified, honestly. Neither had put a name to whatever the hell it was, Frankie never even called Benny on his own, as much as he would want to this last year. Frankie didn’t want to push anything. It felt fragile, it felt delicate, it felt sacred, something that was just him and Ben, putting a label or talking about it… that would bring the real world in. So Frankie settled for small moments and side glances, for little bits of ‘that’s great man!’ when Frankie had news to share. It was what it was, but Franke wondered how long they could go like this. 

“What did Tom want with you?” He asked Ben as they knelt behind a log.

Behind his shooting glasses, Frankie could still tell he rolled his eyes by the way his eyebrows raised. “Tryna recruit me. Will’s been dropping hints about it, I figured this was coming.”

“Don’t” Frankie spoke quicker than he thought possible, causing Benny to turn. “Why? Will said Tom’s high up, he can get me stationed out here with you guys after basic and AIT”

The thought of Benny on the same base as him, seeing him whenever he wanted… Frankie wasn’t sure if it was good or not. Could he keep his hands off him if he was around all the time? Certainly not if Ben kept this up. If anything happened, and that was a lot of assuming anything was happening now, Benny and him would lose their careers. The army operated under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, which was a fancy way of saying ‘you can be gay but not really’. This hadn’t been a problem for Frankie, seeing as he wasn’t gay, isn’t gay, he reminded himself. Whatever was going on with Benny was just… friendship, right? It was because they understood each other, it was just bonding, brotherhood, jesus, not everything had to be gay, guys can still be friends.

The fact he wanted to kiss that stupid smirk off Benny’s face most days was an aside.

And it was wrong, wasn’t it? Frankie had been raised catholic, and Benny was raised Southern Baptist… Frankie wasn’t sure how much Benny still practiced, but he knew he went to church… could he really be the one corrupting him? Maybe Benny just needed to meet the right girl. How could he take away Ben’s chance at a happy, normal life? He deserved that. He deserved everything, everything Frankie couldn’t give him.

He hadn’t realized how long he had been thinking.

“If you don’t want me around, you can just say it” Ben joked, but there was a hint of hurt there, the way it often was when Benny tried to joke his way out of situations.

“That’s not it.” He tried to reassure him, but his creased eyebrow told Frank it wasn’t enough.

“You don’t think I’d be good at it?” Another half-joke. “I know I don’t follow orders the best-”

“No, I think you’d be great at it.” Benny paused, letting the rabbit he was aiming at hop away. “Then what is it?”

“You’re too good for the Army” 

Despite Frankie’s sincerity, Ben scoffed. “Yeah okay”

“I mean it” Frankie caught Ben's eye, speaking with an intensity. “You’re a good kid, the army will break you down, take apart everything that you are, make you one of those assholes that walk around base like they're top shit. They’ll make you see things, do things you can never undo, and you’ll never be the same. I can’t stand to watch that shine in your eyes fade, Benny.”

For once, Benny had no smartass comment to make, simply taking the time to look at Frankie’s eyes, and allow the compliment to sink in. He thought he was good. “Thanks, Francisco.”

For a moment, they stayed like that, a lingering tension while Frankie waited for Ben to make a move, while he yelled at himself to do it. He could figure out the rest latter, he could figure out what he was later… right now, he just wanted Ben… but he turned away, and they went back to their sights.

“Frank, look…” Ben whispered, nudging his camo shirt and pointing into the woods. “A coyote. You want the shot?” Benny offered.

“I’d never make it” For being in the Army, his aim was shit. 

“I’ll help you” Ben offered, scooting closer to Frankie, and fuck, he was wrapping his arms around him…

Ben’s stubbled face pressed close to Frankie’s clean shaven on, helping him aim. “It’s okay, Ben, you take it. You’re a better shot than me.”

“That’s why I’m helping you, dumbass.” Benny angled the gun. “Santi will be so fucking happy proud of you.”

Frankie tried to take steadily breaths, tried to focus on something other than Benny’s sweat and warmth and smell…

“Do you want me to stop?” Ben’s voice was low again, he knew damn well what he was doing, and he was giving Frankie an out.

Frankie considered it. He considered saying yes, and never dealing with the things he felt again… “No.”

Soft and sweet, Benny breathed against him. “You’re shaking.”

“Yeah, I am. But don’t stop.”

Summer 2009

I never will forget those nights

I wonder if it was a dream

Remember how you made me crazy?

Remember how I made you scream

It wasn’t for a few years that Benny realized why Will had Ben meet Tom rather than give him the pitch himself. Benny had been groomed from that day forward to join Tom’s team he was assembling. A year after Benny joined, Will, Santi and Frankie joined his handpicked special ops team, Delta Squadron, quickly taking them away from Benjamin despite the suggestion Benny would be near the others. For a few years, Benny had an incredibly unstable military life. While others were trained with people, growing bonds, Benny was shuffled from one place to another, learning special skill after special skill. That was why he was recruited. Benny tested off the charts in the ASVAB, his physical ability in its prime, agile, fast, and strong, and his skill with the gun as well as mechanics putting him way past the others, confirming what Will always suspected, but their small-town school unable to accommodate for. 

Benjamin Miller was a one in a million talent.

By 25, Benny was a highly trained special agent, surpassing them in nearly all aspects, and was brought onto Tom’s team. No one even dared suggest nepotism from being Will’s brother, the kid was incredible. 

The shuffling around had been intensional, they didn’t want him forming bonds outside of the ones Tom knew he already had, and certainly didn’t want him falling in love with some girl. This meant that when Tom called him and offered him a spot, Benny didn’t really have much of a choice. There was nothing for him at the base he had been for two months, but Special Ops had his brother, Santiago… and Frankie… years later, he’d grow to resent that, the way Tom manipulated his career in a way not even Will had any idea of. Will simply wanted to make a good connection for his brother with someone he knew could help Benny rise to his potential. What resulted was a high skilled, borderline genius 25-year-old with no contact with family or his hometown, no other friends, nothing else that mattered other than his team, certainly not himself. Benny was lonely, so his devotion to the four of them was intense.

Tom had done this in some respects to the others, pushing the older three together during bootcamp and conveniently making sure they were stationed together after their individual training, working the strings to make sure they were specialized the way he wanted. Benny had come along slightly later, after he heard Will glowing about his talented brother who was ‘wasting his life in some shithole middle Florida hillbilly town’. Everything was exactly as Tom planned, creating a team by Frankenstiening people in a working machine.

And man, did they work.

There was absolutely nothing their team couldn’t accomplish. After many, many hours with Santi, Pope, as he was known now, Frankie, or ‘Catfish’, was a top shot, able to take down targets from far off highs. His best skill, however, was his ability to fly anything. Benny was constantly in awe of him, the way he just jump into any chopper or plane and go, the man was incredible. Benny watched him in fascination, but it wasn’t just Cat, it was all of them. Benny loved them all indescribably, a family he never really had. He always had Will, his big brother watching out for him, protecting him, now he has three more. Tom had become a father figure to Benny, hell, to all of them, someone who brought them all together, albeit under manipulation that wouldn’t become clear for decades, but by that time… it was all there, the love, the brotherhood, it was too late to do anything about it.

Not only did Ben have Tom, a strong father figure to lead them, but he felt cared for, physically and emotionally safe in a way he never did as a child, even with Will trying to shield him. Not only did he have the guys making sure he didn’t die on the battlefield as he did them, there was always someone making sure he ate, checking in on him when he was withdrawn, noticing when he was depressed in a way his mom couldn’t be bothered to. Santi was never too busy with his own problems to ask Benny what was on his mind, was never too drunk trying to drown his anger and hurt to make sure Ben got home at night; unlike his mom, who Benny pulled a blanket over when she was passed out on wine as Benny stumbled home at 4 am after walking 3 miles because he got shoved out of an ATV, with only Will waiting up for him in their room.

He had a family, he had direction, he had guidance.

Except with Frankie.

The downside of the constant moves, even within Delta, was no one really had time to find anyone, not long term. This was just as fine for Benny, never wanting to deal with the inner struggle still going on in his head. He simply refused to believe he was gay. It went against everything he had grown up in, everything he was raised in. In church, promising he’d burn in hell, his dad promising him and Will he’d fucking kill them, his schoolmates who kicked Benny in the stomach in 6th grade calling him a fairy, and telling him he told Will they’d kill him. Despite, at the time, Benny thinking Will was all but invincible, he didn’t want Will hurt, so he put up with that treatment for months until they found someone else to torment. Everything about what he knew of himself, and what he knew about being gay didn’t match. He was army, he was a farm boy, raised on church and hard work and beer and fucking hell, how did it make it sense that he'd dream of Frankie filling him up? It didn’t, so he simply ignored it. Benny was a flirt, that certainly didn’t stop, hell he flirted with Santi. If you’ve ever been around military men, you know how they are the gayest straight men you’ll meet. That’s how Benny justified it. 

So they spent one summer on Coronado Island, San Diego, occasionally shipping off somewhere but lucky enough to spend a lot of time on the beach, Santi smacking his ass, and Benny staring at Frankie shirtless and trying not to make it obvious. Santi had really come into his own the last few years. If Benny was gay, and he wasn’t, Benny wouldn’t mind being with Santi, Pope having found his way in a few sex dreams, but Frankie? It was different with Frankie. Frankie was electrifying. Every time he watched his torso rise out of the water, grown out curls wiping back droplets of seawater like a cheesy rom-com, every time Frankie tackled him back into the water, yelling insults in spainish while giggling, he couldn’t help feel like it was just them in the entire fucking ocean. The team spent hour after hour in the ocean, sometimes doing swimming drills, but a lot of BBQ’s, a lot of games, and a lot of wrestling. So much wrestling. Frankie’s firm body tangled up in his…

Frankie felt his resolve dissipating every day. It had been a relief to him, almost, when he, Santi and Will got moved somewhere else almost as soon as Benny got stationed with them, he couldn’t fucking take it, couldn’t take looking at him nearly every fucking day. In the 5 years since Benny joined, the boy had completely come into his own. Benny was strong, capable, charismatic, and fucking hot, his deep voice nearly knocking Frankie off his feet every time he spoke.

And when he sang?!?!?!?

Frankie did not know he could sing, or play guitar, but him and Santi together around the fire was fucking beautiful. “This ones for you, Fish” Benny nodded, his backwards cap doing fuck all to keep his hair out of his face and thank god they were allowed certain hair styles because Benny, as hot as he was, did not pull off the shaved head well. Only Santi seemed to look good like that. 

“Been practicin’ this for yuh” Santi explained. “Know they're your favorite”

The tell-tale chords of ‘All Apologies’ strummed from Benny’s guitar, Santi singing and Benny harmonizing. 

'What else can I say? Everyone is gay.'

Ironic.

Frankie couldn’t help but smile even harder at that, two of his best friends having practiced one of his all time favorite songs for him having him grinning already. He knew this was Benny’s idea, he couldn’t count how many times Frankie made Benny listen to this album while they cruised around in his truck over the last 6 years. Benny had become everything to him, his best friend, his life blood, the heart of the group. Benny could make them smile even the hardest days, but he knew when to shut his mouth, when to simple wrap an arms around them, when to just be there. He was the glue, a last minute addition to what Frankie was slowly realizing had been them being pushed together, but an addition they never would have functioned without. And right now, Frankie wasn’t sure he could function much longer without Benny’s lips as he watched him sing, that sweet, deep voice he wanted so badly in his ear.

They had reserved a cabin by the ocean so they could all drink to their heart's content without having to drive, and one by one they went to bed, Benny promising to take care of the fire, leaving only Ben and Frankie on the beach, beer in hand as they laid on the blanket in the sand.

“I liked the song, Ben, you have a nice voice. You should sing more.”

“Thanks, man.” Benny was thankful for the darkness covering the blush on his face.

Frankie couldn’t help it, he needed more from Ben, he needed to know where he stood, where they stood, if it was anywhere. “Bet it works wonders on the ladies”

Benny laughed at that, his loud, boisterous laugh Frankie loved so much and would do anything to hear. “Yeah, not a lot of girls coming this way.”

“I don’t believe that for a second” Frankie turned to look at Benny’s strong features, taking in every detail as he moved ever so slightly closer. 

“Yeah” He chucked. “You got me. They’re trying, but this” Ben motioned to his body. “Is on lock”

“Really?” Frankie laughed, but he wasn’t sure if Ben meant women, for men, for just now… he couldn’t be a virgin at 25… could he? “No women?”

“Yeah. On lock down like a penitentiary, I’m not a man-whore like Santi.” From Frankie’s view, Benny’s chest shook with laughter at his own joke, but Frankie was too busy looking at his ever-smiling face, still staring at the stars.

Frankie hesitated, but spoke, nervous and slow. “I was wrong, you know.”

“About what?”

“I said the army would break you, but here you are.” Frankie’s town was borderline whimsical, soft, barely a whisper above the crash of the ocean and the caw of the seagulls, practically a declaration of it’s own. “They never took you.”

At that, Benny turned to him, his face suddenly so close to Frankie’s close enough he could…

“Waddya mean?” Benny asked, his hand, flat against the blanket, inching closer to Frankies.

Frankie could hardly focus. This was his chance, tell him what he means to you, tell him that he is your fucking sunshine, how on days when you don’t know if you can get up, he’s there, and you do it for him, you’d do anything for him…

Benny was entranced. He rarely got to see Frank this close, certainly not for this song, able to soak up every detail, every line on his skin and oh god, did he soak it in. the curve of his nose, the way the bones of his face dipped and curved were locked into his memory, he was fucking perfect, he was his strength, his guidance, the north star that, no matter how cloudy things got, was always seen, and would always show Benny the way. He waited, he waited to see what Frankie would say, if it was enough to give Ben permission to make a move, to say something more, to tell him how badly he’s wanted him all these years and how Benny just wished Frankie would do something about it if he felt the same.

Finally, Frank spoke. “I told you, back on that hunting trip that the army would destroy you, make you do things you’d never come back from, you’d never be the same, you’d lose that light in your eyes, but it never left, and I don’t really think it’s going to, is it? It’s just you, you’re just sunshine... My sunshine.”

Benny’s breath hitched at that, as it always did when he was Frank’s anything. Whenever he said something as simple as  “my friend” or “my teammate” Benny felt a surge of pride, even though it made no sense he felt like Frankie was claiming him.

“Yeah? You’re sunshine?”

“Yeah” Frankie was working up the courage. Kiss him, kiss like you’ve wanted to for 6 years, everything else be damned, everything else will sort itself out.

“What I said earlier?” Benny’s pinkie touched Frankie’s, ever so slightly. “About no women?”

“Yeah?” Frankie wrapped his pinkie around Benny’s. His.

“I wasn’t joking. No women. No men.” Fuck, he said it outloud, it was practically an admittance, something deep and dark and secret he never dared speak, but it was spilling out now, his whole heart pouring to Frankie, he was ready to tell him everything.

But Frankie froze. “No men?”

Benny couldn’t read his expression. Something in the air had shifted, but their fingers were still interlocked… “Yeah… nothing. I haven't…” It was Ben’s turn to feel nervous, the anxiety that usually radiated off Frankie feeling like punches of ocean waves from his heart. “Not with anyone. Anything… with anyone. At all. Kissing ‘n such.”

The boy was a virgin. He hadn’t had his first kiss yet. All this time, Frankie had operated under the assumption that Benny had all the experience when it came to this, the way he acted, always so natural and confident, flirting with him… Frankie had plenty of experience with women, and it couldn’t be that different, could it? Before he could really stop himself, he moved in, gentle and slow. He wanted to be Benny’s first kiss, and he was pretty sure Benny wanted him to be his too. It all felt so innocent, so youthful, the clean-slate feel Frankie always got with Benny, like nothing he had done, nothing that had happened to him mattered when Ben was around. It was tentative, but the way Benny leaned into it told him all he needed to know; Benny wanted him too.

But Frankie, as usual, quickly got wrapped up in his own head. Benny was innocent. Benny was uncorrupted by the army, by anyone, he deserved more. Frankie couldn’t give him a family, they couldn’t get married, they’d lose their careers and could lose everyone they loved, what did the guys think? They never talked about things like this, he didn’t know where they stood, really… Frankie could risk it all for Benny, but Benny… as Frankie pulled away, he looked at Ben, youthful and pure, his surprised blue eyes intense and waiting, waiting on him… He couldn’t let Ben risk everything for him. He wasn’t worth it. Ben still had a chance. He just needs to meet a nice girl, and he’ll be fine. He couldn’t do anything to Ben that couldn’t be undone, he had already taken his first kiss and God, that was enough. 

As he pulled back, his pinky slowly moving away from Ben, he could tell Ben was waiting, waiting on him to say something, do something…

“Benny-”

“What’s going on here?” Tom’s voice was over them, and neither Benny nor Frankie had any idea how much he saw…

The urge to protect Benny took over all else, he whispered, so, so quiet “I got this” Before sitting up. “Got the liquor spins, laying down.” He lied. They had a few drinks, but not enough to make anything spin.

Tom looked them over, arms crossed and glaring, Frankie had a sinking feeling Tom saw, and he prepped himself to take the fall. He could say he made the move, Benny didn’t do anything…

“Yeah.” Tom said. “Maybe it’s time to go to bed” 

Frankie gave a nervous laugh. “Probably a good idea” and nudged Ben to move.

Benny was uncharacteristically quiet as he walked past Tom to the room him and Frankie were sharing, anxious to talk to Frankie about what happened away from everyone else.

“Benjamin.” Tom called over his shoulder, not even looking at the much younger man as he froze in his tracks. “Stay with Will tonight. Wake up Santi, tell him I said move, no questions.”

The fact Benny didn’t argue, didn’t question or whine was a telltale that he knew he was caught, and wandered through the door of the cabin like a kicked puppy. 

Frankie wanted to hold him, to put himself between Benny and whatever words Tom would say to him in the morning, any harm that might come to him… but someone had to act like nothing happened. He tried to move past Tom’s overbearing body, but Tom fisted his hand in his shirt, throwing the shorter man up against the wall of their small cabin, his forearms pressed against Frankie’s throat.

“I don’t care what you are, I don’t care what weird shit you do, but I don’t want it going on in my team, or we’re going to have a problem” Tom emphasized his point by thrusting his arm harder, impairing some of Frankie’s breathing.

“We weren’t-”

“Bullshit!” The large man bellowed. Tom was a man to be feared, 6’4, strong and broad, with a temper that echoed underneath his ability to lead, a fear under the skin of their respect. Tom was capable of harm, they’d seen it before. They all were, but Tom… nothing came before the team, and what Frankie and Benny were doing put the whole team at risk. “I saw what happened, Catfish. That kid,” Tom let go of his hold, and gestured to the cabin “barely knows anything outside the army and that podunk town he grew up in.”

As much as Frankie was scared out of his mind, he felt defensive of Benny, and Tom’s claims of naivity. “And whose fault is that?” Frankie called out Tom’s role in manipulating Benny’s life.

This earned Frankie a fist to his jaw. It wasn’t terribly hard, Francisco knew Tom was holding back significantly. 

“How do you think Ironhead’s gonna react when he finds out his brother is a homo? You wanna be the one that puts the divide back between them? And how about Pope? You think he’s going to want to take those fishing trips with you if he finds out you wanna suck his dick”

“I don’t…” but the words died in his mouth. He didn’t want Santi like that, but Santi was his best friend, his brother, he wasn’t sure what he’d do without Santiago in his life. And what about Benny? Will had been the only constant in his life, the only protection he could count on, the only person that Benny knew, without a doubt from the day he was born, would be on his side. There was no way Frankie could get between them, he couldn’t be the one to make Ben lose a promising career.

“Don’t make me have this talk with Benny.” It was a threat, a threat to harm Ben the same way or worse he had just done to Frankie.

That was what did it, the final straw. The thought of Tom hurting Ben was enough for him. Benny wouldn’t lose his career. Benny wouldn’t lose his brother. Benny wouldn’t lose his found family. 

“Understood.” Frankie nodded, not looking at Tom as he felt his jaw swelling.

“Go.”

Humiliated and ashamed, Frankie went into the cabin, deadset and determined to keep Ben at arm's length from then on, for both of their sakes and for the sake of the team. Benny would have a normal life, he’d find the right girl and he wouldn’t have to worry about a life of sin and abuse and isolation from the people he loved. 

“Hey” Benny popped out of the shadows, worried eyes checking for Tom. “Thank for, um, that-” Benny tried to apologize, but Frankie didn’t look at him, brushing past to go to the room he’d share with Santi tonight. 

“Go to bed” He mumbled gruffly.

“Frank-” 

But he was already opening the door, and Benny didn’t want Santi to hear anything. 

Frankie slunk into his room, unsurprisingly finding Santi up, woken from his sleep in the room he had with Will. Frankie was thankful for the off lights, however, as he felt rare tears brimming at his eyes, and Santi would be able to tell immediately.

“Everything okay?” Santi asked, voice soft with sleep.

Frankie almost lied. “No.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No”

A pause, before Santi asked his final question. “Something happen with Ben?”

Frankie felt his breath hitch and his body freeze as he began to lay down. Did Santiago know? Did everyone know and the only people too stupid to see it were him and Benny? No. Santi wouldn’t want to share a room with someone like him if Santi knew what he was.

Gay. No other way about it, Frankie was gay. He liked women, and he liked men, and Frankie wasn’t even sure if that was a real thing but that’s what it was, unable to deny that fact he wanted Benny in every fucking way two people can be together.

Closing his eyes tightly and hoping the moon light that came through the curtain wouldn’t show the tears that streamed down his face, Frankie replied to Santi honestly. “Yeah. Something happened.”

Summer 2015

Out on the road today, I saw a DEADHEAD sticker on a Cadillac

A little voice inside my head said, "Don't look back. You can never look back"

It was at get together at Will’s, Frankie and Benny had drifted into their own private corner, as they tended too, even after everything.

“So. You hear the news.” Ben started, talking quietly, out of earshot of the others loudly chattering.

“What news.” Frankie asked, Benny’s question was pretty vague but he had an idea what this was about.

“Supreme court ruling. It’s legal everywhere in the US now.”

Frankie couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah. I things are starting to change.”

Summer 2019

Now I don't understand what happened to our love

But babe, I'm gonna get you back

I'm gonna show you what I'm made of

It was different after the kiss, Frankie was different. Benny often wondered if Frankie was mad at him, angry that Benny didn’t stand up for them, that Ben couldn’t admit to what had happened, what had been happening between them for 6 years. Should Ben have stayed? When he saw the bruise on Frankie’s jaw, he knew right away that Frankie hadn’t run into a cabinet, he knew Tom did something to him. Benny should’ve stayed, should’ve protected Frankie the way Frankie had always protected him whether as Catfish or as Francisco, the way he’d continue to for the next several years of their careers together, even if he was distant. 

Benny was furious at Tom. Not furious enough to confront him, however, that would require anger and stupidity, Tom could fold even Will. He wanted so badly to say something, to tackle Tom down and make him pay the morning he woke up, watching Santi ice Frankie’s jaw. Benny wanted to quit, or rather, not re-enlist when the time came… but the time came slowly, and as Frankie’s jaw healed, so did the tension between everyone by the end of the last mission. Trauma bonds people together, and when they all made it out safely, they were all so glad to be alive, everything else stopped mattering. That was the thing about the military. You see things, you do things, but you do them with people, a bond that goes beyond logic and reason when you watch people die together, sometimes at your own hand. Frankie was never quite the same, though. They didn’t spend long hours cruising around in his truck listening to Nirvana, and there was a clear disconnect between him and Tom. Frankie practically clung to Santi most days, and when Tom retired and things began to fall apart, Frankie only stuck around as long as Santi did.

For the next year and a half, Santi was the de-facto leader of Delta Squadron, but it was fairly obvious this was only to keep things going until everyone could leave, not wanting his friends to start a new squadron or some useless job for a few months. No one wanted to re-enlist. Will was out first, only leaving if Ben swore he’d leave when the time came. Benny promised, and he did, moving into an apartment Will leased for them to keep Ben out of their dad’s, who had gotten much worse after their mom died in 2007.

Tom started selling houses, and he sucked at it. Santi did for-hire policing and paramilitary work no one asked too many questions about, except when he came around asking if they wanted a part. Will got a job at the VA and did speeches, stuff sounding similar to the one he gave Ben back in 2004, but his main job, it seemed, was the same one it had been since they were kids; keeping Benny alive. Frankie got a legitimate piloting job, until he got addicted to coke. That didn’t stop him from having a baby with a girl he fought with all the time. That fucking killed Benny, he couldn’t stand to see their pictures, not when they looked so happy but the sparse phone calls he got when Frankie was high told him otherwise. He loved his kid, however, that much was obvious.

“Hey man, you still up?” Benny asked as he wandered outside to the deck Frankie was standing on, having a drink. 

“Hey. Yeah. Couldn’t sleep. Missing Elena.” Frankie pulled out his phone, flashing a picture of him and his daughter on the home screen. 

Benny smiled at the cute kid. “She’s beautiful, Frank”

Frankie gave a sad smile as he put his phone away. “Thanks. Not really sure what the future looks like right now, however.” A pause. “Jess broke up with me. Said if I went, it was over.”

“Frankie…” Benny turned, sympathetically. “C’mon man, you didn’t have to come. Santi would’ve found another pilot”

“Yeah” Frank scoffed. “He would’ve. That’s why I came.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Frankie chugged his beer, and went to head inside.

“No, come one Frank, what does that mean?” Benny asked again. “Don’t shut me out again, man.”

But Frankie, even though he paused, walked inside.

They had never been the same. There was a divide, a distance between them, and Benny often regretted that kiss. Not because he regretted Frankie, no, he would never want anyone else to be his first kiss. Frankie was probably the only person who didn’t laugh their ass off at him not only being a virgin at 25, but never having kissed anyone either. No, Ben regretted the way they changed after that. On his end it was perfect; simple, slow, soft… he might have done more with Frankie that night had they not been interrupted… but they were, and Benny lost his friend in a lot of ways that night.

Things had gone, to say the least, badly. Thank’s to Tom’s greed, Will was shot, and Benny nearly died falling out of the helicopter Frankie piloted and despite the fact they had hiked miles today and about fell off a mountain like that poor donkey, Frankie couldn’t sleep. He always killed Benny, he almost killed all of them. Since that night on the beach, Frankie kept his distance. They were still friends, they were still there for each other, they were still brothers… but it wasn’t the same.

“Frank. You up?” Benny whispered from where he lay.

Frankie signed. “You know damn well I’m up.”

“Can I come over?”

Frankie was laying down slightly away from the others, typical for him when he was in a mood. “Yeah.”

Quietly, with the others knocked out cold, Benny moved over to where Frankie layed. “You’re overthinking again, aren’t you”

“Of course I am.” Frankie spat. “I almost killed you.”

Benny laid down, facing Frankie but keeping distance, not wanting to push him. Benny had the experience now, spending the last few years taking trips out to Miami, exploring the scene there. Sex, he had plenty of experience with. Relationships? Well, he had all but given up on. It wasn’t that he was holding out for Frankie, he wasn’t, but no one was ever him. He never felt that connection, that free, relaxed, simple way that they were. He never met someone who’d listen to John Denver with him even though they preferred grunge, just because they knew it was something Benny loved. They never asked about Will, about his cousins, they never checked in on the anniversary of his mothers death and never reached out when an uncle died. No one had been through things with him the way Frankie had, been there as long nor as steadfast, no one was him. Never would be, he supposed. So Benny resigned himself to this, to taking what he was given, what he was allowed, what Frankie was comfortable with.

“Stop.” Benjamin spoke firmly, but quiet, as Frankie avoided his gaze. “Don’t. You didn’t almost kill me, you’re flying is the only reason we lived. And whatever happens, we all made our choice to be here, and we’re all doing the best we can.”

“Except Redfly” Frankie grumbled.

This caused Ben’s face to split into a wide, youthful grin. “Yeah, the jackass.”

Benny was always the one to call out other people’s bullshit, always. Frankie couldn’t held but smile, closing his eyes as he tried to keep in his laugh, prompting Ben to do the same thing, the pair quietly giggling together like they had in their teens.

“I missed you, Francisco.” He said, suddenly serious, shuffling slightly closer.

Frankie tensed, but made no attempt to move away. “I’ve been around”

“You know what I mean. It…” Benny’s voice was suddenly very, very quiet, checking over Frankie’s shoulder to make sure everyone, especially Tom, was asleep. “Ever since that night, you’ve been… distant.”

Frankie refused to look at him. “Why are you doing this right now.”

“We could die tomorrow, Frank!”

“Shut up!” He hissed, looking over to check they hadn’t woken anyone.

“Frankie!” Benny still was quiet, but his voice was harsh as he guided his face to him. “C’mon, man, after everything that just happened, everything that we’ve done the last 10 years, you wanna just… leave this here?”

Don’t let him in, don’t let him do it, don’t open your eyes because if you open your eye’s you’re FUCKED, you get one look at those baby blues, it’s over.

“There’s nothing here, Ben” Was he talking to Benny, or trying to convince himself.

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

It was. And Frankie did know it. 

“Look at me, Francisco.”

And just like that, Frankie opened his eyes and christ, had Benny always been this close? Had his eyes always been this pretty? Of course they had, he was stunning, everything about him was amazing, and it was incredible to get to see it this close again, the way he had thought about for the last 10 years.

Tentatively, Benny reached out to touch his patchy, bearded face. “What did he do to you, Frankie?”

He wanted to close his eyes, wanted to will Benny away and go to sleep and he pretended he wasn’t in love with Benny for the last 15 years, as if Benny didn’t occupy his spare thoughts and he didn’t think of stuffing himself in Benny’s ass every other time he fisted himself.

The words came out strangled and pained, worry and anxiety that plagued him constantly swirling in his head, but he couldn’t tear himself away from his eyes, from the man’s warmth. “He said he’d hurt you, Ben” Frankie held back tears, even as he felt himself press up against Benny’s body, sharing in his warmth.

Benny held him steadfast. “Oh sweetheart… Always protecting me… that's why you came here, wasn't it? to protect us?" With his thumb, he caressed the same jaw Tom swung at all those years ago. “I should've stayed with you, I’m sorry”

“Don’t be, it only made sense for one of us to get it.”

Tracing the features of his face, Benny soaked in in, and this time, when Frankie closed his eyes, he knew it wasn’t because he was hiding from him. “That’s why you got weird, isn’t it? Because of the kiss?”

“You were young, Ben.”

“I was 25”

“No, I mean… You hadn’t kissed anyone, I thought... maybe you hadn’t met the right girl, you had so little life experience, I didn’t… I didn’t want you to lose everything because of me”

Ben nuzzled his forehead against Frankie’s, the older man’s skin giving him more warmth than the burning money had. “You were worth losing the army, Francisco.”

Shaking his head, Frankie fought against it. “Not just that, I didn’t know how Will would react, Santi, your folks… I don’t know what you believe anymore, I don’t want to be the one to corrupt you-”

“Frankie, look at me.” Two hands this time, Benny guided Frankie’s face to him, noses bumping with the closeness. “Will and Santi, I don’t think they’d care. They might be a bit confused at first but they want us to be happy. Tom is gonna have a problem but after the shit he pulled today, I ain’t plan’n on talking to him anyway. And I’m not going to hell. I believe in God, a God of love, and I can’t believe he’d be against this, because this, this is love.” It was Benny that kissed Frankie, who eagerly opened his mouth to him, the kiss all encompassing and desperate, fueled by the locked away passion of all these years. “Before you, I never… I thought something was wrong with me, nothing turned me on, I thought, well I guess the term now is asexual, but when I saw you with Will that first day, everything changed. I realized… I never even looked at men because I didn’t think it was even an option. With you, everything made sense. You were the only thing that ever made sense to me.”

Frankie wrapped his arms around Ben, bodies pressed tightly as their mouths bumped together, in and out of kisses as the confessions poured out. “I’m sorry, Benny, I just wanted to protect you, I just wanted you to be safe, that’s all I ever wanted, Ben” The relief he felt was insurmountable, to be here, to be with Benny, finally holding him, kissing him. He wanted more, he wanted so much more, he wanted Benny naked in his arms, he wanted to make Benny feel good.

“I know, baby, I know, shhh, it’s okay, Francisco.” Benny pulled him tight against him, feeling the growing erection in his pants matching his own. “Can I help you with that?”

Frankie hesitated, so Ben reassured him. “We don’t have to do anything, we got all the time in the world, but they won’t wake up, I promise. They're out cold.”

“Y-yeah” There was nothing Frankie wanted more in the entire world. Benny reached a hand to palm the bulge in Frankie’s pants, Frankie pressing soft kisses into his neck. “Sorry, I’m usually a little more in control in these situations.”

“It’s okay, you got plenty of time to show me what you got later, just let me make you feel good, after everything today, we deserve that.” Carefully unbuttoning his pants, Benny pulled his cock out. The sheer size of him was no surprise, he’d seen it in the shower and taking a piss before, but fully hard and in his hand? Fuck, Benny thought there could be nothing better.

“Fuck, fuuuuuck, Benjamin…” Frankie groaned as Benny stroked him, rutting himself against Benny’s leg. “I’m sorry, I can’t believe I waited this long to feel you.” He knew he was crying, but he couldn’t stop it.

“Hey, hey” Benny’s free hand played with Frankie’s hair. “We’re right where we need to be” 

“Thank you, Benny, thank you.” He was breathless, on the verge of spilling over so soon, but god, wouldn’t that be embarrassing? But Benny felt so good, and they waited for so long…

Benny took his own dick out, not wanting to get sticky cum inside his pants he’d have do god knows what in tomorrow.

They were cold, laying on rocks and backpacks of blood money, it was messy and hushed but it was uninhibited, and so unabashedly them, finally being able to express to each other what they meant.

“Can you come for me? Hm?” Benny asked, speeding up his movements for both himself and Frankie, who was clinging to him like a rock in the storm.

“Don’t know if I can be quiet Ben, you feel so fucking good.” Frankie was practically whimpering.

Guiding Frankie’s head to the crook of his neck, he held him close, cradling his head. “Let it out, Francisco, let it go, it’s okay”

Muffled by Benny’s warm, sweaty skin, with a choked sob, Frankie came on Benny’s hand, Ben’s own release following soon after with the sounds of Frankie’s pleasure. They laid there for a moment after covering themselves again because it was fucking cold out and staying there in each other's embrace. In the most Benjamin Miller fashion, he cleaned up with hundred-dollar bills, throwing them away into the dry brush. 

Guiding Benny to turn over so his back was to Frankie’s chest, pulled flush against him, Frankie wrapped his arms around Benny in a protective grasp, holding him close, basking in the shared warmth on the cold mountain.

“What about the others?” Benny asked him.

“Let them see. I don’t care any more, don’t wanna hide. I love you.” Frankie promised, his racing thoughts finally as ease, allowing him to get some much needed sleep. 

“Frank, promise me…” Benny’s voice trailed off as sleep pulled at him as well, safe and warm in Frankie’s strong arms.

“Anything, Carino.”

“If we live, we’ll finally figure this out, we’ll finally do something about this.”

“Think we can? After everything we’ve done, I got the baby, and who knows what’s going to happen tomorrow, and-”

“Yeah,” Benny wrapped his arms around Frankies, scooting back to feel every bit of him he could. “We can figure it out, all of it. Things are different now, way different from when we were kids… we can get married, raise your daughter, have a normal, happy life, together.”

“Yeah. You and me, together. Happily every after.”

“Happily ever after.”

Whatever came in the morning, whatever Will or Santi thought, whatever bullshit Tom pulled, whatever happened or whatever they had to do, it would be okay, because he was right where he needed to be. In his arms.

I can tell you my love for you will still be strong

After the boys of summer have gone

*******************

Goddamn. Shit almost got me a few times, I'll tell you that. When Frankie was explaining to Benny why he got so distant, I almost lost it, and I had a lot of feelings writing Tom. I struggled with finding the write words, bc I 100% beleive tom is completely homophobic and would use worse slurs, but despite the fact I am a bisexual woman, I cant bring myself to type them.

For the record, no one brought it up. Tom didn't say a word to benny or frankie up through his death. Even after everything. Benny still was upset because it's Benny, and he is attached to everyone.

Santi knew Frankie and Benny had feelings for each other, so he wasn't surprised, and Will was a bit confused, but its not like he hadn't suspected it before either, but ofc he supported them.

I hope ya'll like this. If you want more Benny/Frankie, conside checking out the Awakening Series. It's mostly various group sex/ threesomes, etc but it's a continuing exploration of sexuality and romance, and a different take on how Benny and Santi find each other. Also if you're looking for more M/M Triple Frontire work, plleeaasseee go check out this series, its a fucking incredible Santi/Benny series and the writer just had inspiration for chapter 4 so maybe if ya'll show her appreciation and love for this amazing series they'll keep going!

Might be the last fic I write for a hot min. due to car problems, i need to pick up extra shifts and I got papers comign up I need to work on so you might not hear from me a whole lot, but I love you all!

taggimg my usuals, but I know its not a reader fic so if its not your thing no worry!!!!

@luciannadraven33 @welcometostayingawake @howaboutcastiel @in-between-the-cafes @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @littlenosoul @apollo-enthusiast @milkymoon2483 @kittyofalltrades @howaboutcastiel

EDIT

Part 2 here

#francisco morales #frankie morales #benny miller #frankie morales x benny miller #bisexual frankie morales #predro pascal #garrett hedlund #triple frontier fanfiction #BenFish #triple frontier #will miller #tom davis #santiago garcia #frankie catfish morales #triple frontier angst #triple frontier smut #frankie morales smut #frankie morales angst #benny miller smut #benny miller angst

[incomingalbatross]

Finished my first week (I don't go in on Fridays) of Commute Listening! (Plus a day technically because I did have to go in last Saturday.)

Here's the summary of the undertaking so far...and of just how much car/public transit time I've logged:

Bach's Brandenburg Concertos 1-6 My beloveds--the only classical music that IS for sure on my faves list, because in the period when I had a CD player in my bedroom and about three CDs, these were two of them. Still not sure how well I could identify them, but I recognized them once they started playing and greatly enjoyed them.

Artifexian podcast ep 1. Interesting! All about worldbuilding. Just far enough removed from my own interests (yes I love fantasy, no I don't enjoy worldbuilding, it took me years to process that) that I can listen as, like, a spectator, but also listening to two people who do love worldbuilding makes me feel more positive about it. Like the energy.

Several Masses by Haydn (St. Cecilia, Mass in B flat, Mass in honor of the Blessed Virgin). Beautiful, obviously, but... did not grab me. Might just be that Masses and commuting are not the right combination. Might be my chant-inclined mind going "you're drawing out the words too much." Idk.

Art of Manliness ep 1, about Easy Company. INteresting and informative—a window into a subject I wouldn't have sought out on my own.

Out Alive ep 1. About a skier buried in an avalanche! Again, not something I would have sought out myself, but hearing the skier and the other people involved talk about the impact of a crisis situation and near-death experience, without any polish or dramatization... oof. Really interesting.

Reply All Billed as a "podcast about the internet," the first ep was about a social situation enabled by the internet. Also interesting as a window into someone else's personal experience that I don't think you'd quite get in any other medium than this unpolished interview format. This time about relationships instead of death, though.

In the Wind (album) by Peter, Paul and Mary. Branching aside from classical for some folk, since I was in the headspace for something between podcasts and instrumentals. Good! I recognized several of the songs but definitely not all. They also reminded me of several other country and folk artists I could listen to if I want to keep going down that road, in addition to listening to more of their work.

Vivaldi Concertos for Diverse Instruments GOOD. I loved these! They got stuck in my head afterward! Definitely want to try more Vivaldi. Also reinforcing my theory that any kind of music is good music if it involves violins going wild.

Mozart Violin Concertos 3-5 ALSO very very good. And I think I could hear the cleaner/plainer sound of Mozart as opposed to the baroque I'd just been listening to.

My Writing Sucks podcast ep 1, in which an author lovingly roasts her 14-year-old self's writing. Very fun. Endearing. Kinda makes me want to pull out my oldest, worst writing and approach it from an outside perspective, which I think would be Growth if my fragile ego could actually follow through on that. :P Maybe after a few more episodes of this.

Pints With Aquinas episode 1. This is an introductory episode giving background on Aquinas, as opposed to later episodes which will have more actual theology. Already good, though. Little harder for me to stay focused than some of the more fun ones, but I'll be coming back.

Classics for Kids Short and educational segment about classical music. Definitely told me things I don't know! A little short and a little flat in delivery for my needs, but good stuff.

Stuff You Missed in History Class ep 1. Interesting, but same issue as the above—it was just short. I need to check if episode length varies, and if they're all short I might load up six or so at once to give it a better trial. It was interesting but I couldn't get much flavor from one segment.

In conclusion, this project is definitely a success so far. I've been enjoying my commutes even when there's traffic, and I feel like I'm taking in things that I enjoy and are constructive in some way! It's fun for me. And I have a bunch of podcasts in store for next week that I haven't even touched yet.

[justrandomfanfictionskh]

A Blue Bird and a Black Cat pt 4

(Selina decides that Marinette would be better as the Cat than Adrien. Five years, later Dick is very confused about this Lady Noire)

ao3 beginning previous

"GAH! I'm so pathetic!" Marinette groaned as she collapsed onto the couch. Leaning back she hid her face in her hands as Bud and Lou began nuzzling into her sides. 

"Ah!" Harley exclaimed putting away her bat. "You're not pathetic! Sugar! You were just caught off guard that's all! Happens to the best of us."

Marinette peeked out from behind her hands and eyed her honorary aunts suspiciously. Harley was plopping down onto the arm chair, as Ivy wrangled her plants into their proper place. They were both calm and smiling sweetly, as if nothing was wrong. As if she hadn't just made the biggest fool of herself. And in front of Nightwing too! Marinette cursed herself and hid her face in the crook of her elbow, while her free hand absently scratched one of the hyenas. "I am the Grand Guardian of the Miraculous. The Hero of Paris. World renowned thief! I have faced monsters, and demons, and threats that would make the big blue boy scout cower in his stupid ice fortress! And one powerless mortal, who can barely hold her own against a common mugger, throws me into a post traumatic, anxiety fueled spiral!" She peeked out again to through a critical eye at her aunts, "How is that not pathetic?"

"Because she hurt you," Ivy said coming forward. She smiled as sweetly as her roses when she held up a hair brush and said, "May I?" Marinette sighed and adjusted so that Ivy could easily access her long black hair, and so that Bud and Lou would stop fighting over who got scratches. When Ivy took out the hair pins, Marinette instantly felt lighter as the tightness on her scalp eased and the hyenas settled to rest their heads on her lap. As Ivy began to brush, Marinette thanked all the kwami that she had decided to grow out her hair. And once the young woman was fully relaxed, the not so former rogue began to talk. "That girl hurt you Marigold. There is no denying it. She betrayed you and tortured you, that kind of pain doesn't just go away. It doesn't matter how much time has passed or how much power you gain. If your scars are still there then you'll always remember what they mean."

Marinette took a deep breath but kept her eyes closed. "It sucks," she muttered.

"It sure does, Sugar," Harley said sympathetically. "But take it from two gals who've been broken and betrayed more times than we care to admit, you can get through this! You're ten times stronger than I've ever been, so I know that healing is just around the corner! Trust me!"

"You've worked so hard Mari," Ivy said softly. "Building yourself back up, recovering the miraculous, balancing their energies! A little hiccup like tonight is not going to undo five years of growth and dedication. In fact, it might just make you stronger."

"She's right, Sugar!" Harley said as Marinette opened one eye skeptically. "Think of this as your next check point! The wounds are healed, but you still need to deal with the scars. What you need now, is closure!"

"Closure?" Marinette muttered and scoffed, "How can I ever gain closure? She doesn't...she doesn't even remember what she did!" Marinette felt the tears falling down her face silent and slow. She tried taking deep breaths. She did not want to fall apart over this. It was juvenile, and pathetic. She had put Paris and what had happened there behind her! She was supposed to be better. She was supposed to be stronger! So why was she crying over something that didn't matter anymore? Something she shouldn't even consider important anymore. But the tears kept falling as they threatened to drown her in her grief and pain. Grief and pain that shouldn't exist anymore. 

Soft wet hyena kisses, interrupted her spiral as Bud and Lou began to lick the tears from her face. She choked a laugh, pulled the boys close, and held them as tightly as she could. Soon she felt Harley and Ivy wrap her up in a tight embrace as they rested their heads on hers. She let her silent tears fall as Harley whispered soft and gentle in what Marinette had come to recognize as her therapist voice...her original voice. "Closure doesn't have to mean justice. If it did, then the bastard clown would be dead a million times over. I...I might never get justice for what he did to me. And that pain...it will mark me for the rest of my life. But that isn't my closure. Revenge, justice, forgetting, those things will never help me sleep at night. But moving forward. Not letting him affect me, define me. That is my closure. That is how I deal with the scars. They will never go away. But he does not have the power to reopen them."

"Let her forget," Ivy whispered, "Let them all forget. They don't deserve the redemption that could be born from their guilt. They don't matter. What matters is you Marigold! What matters is you living life as you choose. And we will be there to help you."

"Every step of the way!" The girls looked up at the sound of the new voice and instantly moved to release Marinette as Selina came towards them. The hyenas moved and Nineteen kwamis swirled around the two women as they held each other close. Selina gently smoothed her kitten's midnight black hair as she whispered, "Go on now, my most precious kitten. You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to shout and curse. You are allowed to scream and rage. You are allowed to weep and mourn. You are allowed to feel, even over the silliest things. Even over a stubbed toe. Go on now. Feel!"

Somewhere deep in Marinette's mind, she cringed at still needing permission to feel all of her emotions. After all this time, she still had to be reminded that her emotions were no longer in danger. But all of those thoughts were drowned in the familiar mantra of her mentor. Suddenly she was 18 again relearning how to cry and laugh and shout with genuine emotion. With genuine feeling. So Marinette cried and raged against those who hurt her, and when she was done she laughed and smiled with those who loved her. 

Marinette woke the next morning feeling refreshed and revitalized, but for some reason...stiff. She soon realized why when she saw that she had slept in her dress on the couch with Harley and Ivy. She yawned and extricated herself from the sleeping pile of red, green, fur, and leaves with a gentle smile. She loved her crazy aunts, and their crazy lives, and she wouldn't trade her crazy life for anything. 

She yawned again as she put on the coffee. She looked around and decided that the best way to thank Harls and Ives for helping her last night, would be to make them a splendid breakfast. But she stopped short when she saw the note on the fridge. 

"Dear Kitten, I know what your thinking and it isn't necessary. Those two will sleep till noon, so don't bother. Besides I've already ordered them Brunch in your name from their favorite place. So, if you're up for it, come by the manor for breakfast. Don't worry about being late, I know your sleep schedule, and you'll get there with plenty of time to spare! Besides, Alfred's cooking and everyone should be there! Up for a little chaos?!! Love, Selina"

Marinette rolled her eyes and moved into her bed room to go and change. But before she did, she looked around for where the kwamis. She smiled when she saw that, after comforting her, they had all fallen asleep on either Bud and Lou, or Ivy's plants. At that moment only Plagg and Tikki were awake, and they immediately flew to her side when she motioned for them to follow her. "So what do you both think about all of this?" she asked as soon as her door was closed. 

"Personally, I think you should let me cataclysm the whole lot of them," Plagg said definitively, and Marinette snorted in spite of Tikki's exclamations. 

"Plagg!" the little red bug cried, "We can't just go around killing people we don't like! But I wouldn't worry about Alya, Marinette. I'm sure Selina will make sure that you two will never bump into each other like that again. Besides we should really be focused on the big day coming up!" 

Marinette nodded with a mischievous smile, "Oh yes, the wedding! That will be a lovely distraction!"

"No, Marinette I mean--"

"The bachelorette party! Yes of course, I'll need to make sure Harls and Ives haven't already planned anything yet!"

"Marinette!" Tikki cried, and the girl shot the goddess an apologetic smile. Meanwhile Plagg was cracking up in the corner, as Tikki floated frustrated between them.

"I'm sorry Tikki," Marinette said as she moved toward the five year calendar. It was an unusual calendar because it didn't start on January first, but on a random day in the middle of the year that meant nothing to any one except for Marinette, Selina, and the people of Paris. Marinette touched the last day on the poster with a nervous but excited smile. "Three more days, and then I will be completely balanced."

Tikki beamed and began buzzing with excitement. She was more than ready to have her favorite holder wearing the Ladybug earrings again. But Plagg was less excited as he said, "Three more days until things around here get significantly less fun!"

"Plagg!" Tikki exclaimed. "That's not fair, you've had her for five years!"

"So have you!"

"But that was five years ago!"

"I think," Marinette interrupted, "That in three days, Tikki and I will have to have a girls day. But today..." Marinette smiled down at the note in her hand. Selina really did know her. "Plagg, do you want to cause some chaos?"

Lila went over her list one more time. The Court of Owls had commissioned a bulk job, with almost every wealthy and/or significant figure in Gotham listed, but it was clear from their interviews that they also expected quality. She couldn't just walk into their offices whisper a few things and then leave. Besides that wasn't how her powers worked. And even after she had reinforced her abilities with magic, there would always be those individuals with a strong enough will, or mental reinforcements able to resist her. She had met them before, and she had learned how to bend even the strongest of minds to her will. The trick was to make sure that they never realized that they were being manipulated.

So she planned and she sorted. She sorted the list into three columns that would help her complete the job in three stages. The first column was labeled sheep. Here she put all of the names that wouldn't require much effort, maybe just a short dress and a bottle of wine. After some encouraging words and a night they would never remember, these individuals would be wrapped around her finger ready for her client. She smiled, she could already imagine the power of having so many people under her will, for the more people under her sway, the stronger she grew. 

The second column was marked bulls. These were the people who would require more effort, but they were not impossible. The trick with them was to convince them that they were the ones in control. If they believed that they had the upper hand, then they would never even think to realize that it was not their own voice telling them how to react, but hers. It would require a lot of subtlety and access to these name through less conspicuous means that a sleazy dress. So she put them to the side, until she had her sheep in line. 

The third and final column was blank, but she kept it there all the same. It was a constant reminder that no matter how rich and powerful this job made her, there would always be someone who could see through her lies and to the truth. The final column was labeled Marinette. The one person Lila had ever met that could completely resist every form of manipulation Lila had thrown at her. Meta powers slid off of her shoulders like water. Magic manipulation, the bitch had barley even registered it. Social manipulation, threats, bullying, and bribery, none of it had worked on Marinette Dupain-Cheng and it had almost ruined Lila Rossi. So Lila made sure that if a name ever made it into that third and final list, then she would have a way to bow out. That she could leave, and not have her "clients" try to kill her for not finishing the job. She had made the mistake of pushing someone like Marinette too far one, she would not make it again. 

Lila sighed as she added the last name to the "Bull" list. She sat quiet for a moment trying to find the best way to approach this. It wasn't the most complicated job she had ever done, but it was most certainly the largest. She would need help. She flicked open her personal phone and flicked to the contact file labeled herd. She smiled as she scrolled through the names. With these people, her words were so deeply engrained in their subconscious that she could tell them to jump off a cliff and they would do it. They were the perfect patsies and minions to ensure her success. She tapped a name and waited with a sly smile on her lips. 

"Alya!" Lila cried in feigned excitement, "Hi! How are you?! Oh, I'm great! In fact, I'm in Gotham right now! Oh really?! Well isn't that something?! Brunch? Oh of course I'll be there! I can't wait to catch up! See you soon!" 

Next

Taglist: @tails-and-scales @the-ghost-trader @kanamexzeroyaoifangirl @the-dumber-scaramouche @yoonjae20 @robyalix @seraphichana @iglowinggemma28 @taewinterbear95 @heretopasstimebi @littleblue5mcdork @quotesandanime @komatsuna-yuki @atractivemyfoot @deathssilentapproach-blog @vel-vee @vixen-uchiha @lady-bee-fechin @qualityhistorygamingwinner @its-maemain

#maribat #marinette dupen chang #miraculous ladybug #mlb x dc #dc x mlb #fanfiction #lila salt #class salt #dickinette #dick grayson #since when did selina have a clone? #sirens

[rebeccalouisaferguson]

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: What did you think of how this season ends for Juliette when you read the finale script?

REBECCA FERGUSON: I've read the books, but I also know that we deviate a bit from the book to be able to create the narrative that we need to do the show, so I wasn't sure where [showrunner] Graham [Yost] was going with it. Once I got to that, my head went, "And then what?" I called Graham and went, "Season 2, what's happening?" He was like, "I haven't pitched it yet to Apple." I was like, "I don't care. What's happening?" I'm always 10 steps ahead. But I'm in it right now. We're shooting [season 2], so I'm very excited.

What was it like filming the final scene, where Juliette discovers the display is the real lie?

I remember thinking we filmed it in such a funny way. We took the screen out of the helmet, so it's just my face, and the screen is put on later to be able to get a close up and be inside the helmet. And I'm walking in one place, so I'm standing still, but pretend walking, so my head is basically just thinking, "I look so silly. I feel really, really stupid. And is this really what we wanted to see at the end of the grand finale of season 1?" [Laughs] Everything just sounds quite unsexy. I never, ever, ever look at my takes [on the monitor], but I remember running back to look at this one to see if this actually worked, and it was fine. It was good.

When you were preparing to film that scene, what did you think was going through Juliette's mind in that moment?

It was just visualizing everything that she has been through. The biggest task for me is to act an emotion that I live with every day, which is that of being outside. These people have never experienced the height of skies, horizontal views, depths, gravel, stones. They obviously have fields and corn, but this is completely different ... it's flabbergasting just to be able to stand in that moment. And then on top of it, you put the journey of the lie, the screen is the lie, and the bodies, and walking up a hill, and what you see. There's a lot to bring in there.

That's why season 2 is so interesting, because everything has been flipped upside down. The growth of the character is so interesting. This thing on Instagram came up yesterday, oddly enough — there was a chimpanzee, a research monkey, that's been locked inside a cage its entire life, and they let it out for the first time. And the way it looked, the way it ducked for the sky, the way it ran out on the field, the curiosity and feel of what was out there, you could see it, and the joy obviously, the breathing just through the chest. Everything is different, the air. I thought about that chimpanzee a lot. It's also just really f---ing sad. It's kind of the same for Juliette. And once you leave, then what? We don't know what happens to her. She doesn't know. She's standing there by herself, that really f---ing scary moment, which is also oddly exciting and new.

Have you read all the scripts for season 2 yet?

Yes, of course. I'm producing it, and we had all of the script changes and everything prior to the strike so that we're able to continue to do it, thanks to all of the preparations that we did. I'm full in. I'm soul, heart, and body in this project, and it's really f---ing good. I think season 1 was very, very good, but it's nothing compared to what we're doing now. We've done the introduction. We know the characters. Now it can go dark. Now things can happen.

You're having a really big year, between Silo, Dune: Part Two, and Mission: Impossible — Dead Reckoning Part One. What are you most excited for fans to see from all of these big franchises?

Mission's going to hit the screen soon. I'm very excited about that, but I've done most of the promotion, and I've seen it three times, so I'm excited, but now I'm leaving it for the audience. Dune I'm really excited about, because I haven't seen it yet, and I think it's going to be absolutely exceptional. I've seen some of the footage, and we've done ADR (additional dialogue recording), and it's just phenomenal. Our [DP] Greig Fraser and [director] Denis Villeneuveare masters. And then we've just started [Silo] season 2. I'm weirdly really lucky right now. I'm loving every single project that I have.

#rebecca ferguson #interview #silo interview #silo spoilers #wool #silo apple tv #juliette nichols #mi7 interview #dune interview #dune part two interview