#because just enjoying yourself is still important and meaningful

[thranduel]

some facts about astarion that i find very cute/meaningful :)

i wanted to share this so more people can learn about him and appreciate who he is deep down, behind the mask he wears. before cazador turned him, he was just like any other person; he had hobbies, passions and emotions. those things are still there, but they’re just hidden amidst all the darkness. he was so young when he first turned that he barely had a chance to enjoy life or figure himself out. so many people miss out on the complexity of his character due to only focusing on his physical appearance or labelling him as a cruel villain, but in order to see that he’s so much more than that and he’s capable of growing as a person, all you need to do is show him a bit of love!

- he loves embroidery and poetry

- he approves when you pet the owlbear cub because most people view it as a monster (the same way people have always viewed him). it’s like he finds comfort in the fact that you can love and care for something that most people are afraid of, and it gives him hope that you may feel the same way about him too

- if you put a flower on his grave, he smiles and says "cute"

- he comes up to you in camp just to thank you and tell you how grateful he is that you allowed him to make his own decision (after you defend him and don't force him to drink the drow's blood) because he is so used to being told what to do and he was forced to use his body for so many years

- in that same scene, he will hold your hand whether you choose to stay in a romance with him or be friends instead, because he loves and appreciates you no matter what, and any sort of relationship with you is so important and meaningful to him

- if you try to romance karlach and astarion at the same time, he tells you to choose karlach over him, even if he loves you and it hurts him to do so, because he can see that karlach loves you too. he says that normally an arrangement would work for him, but after everything karlach has been through and how fragile her heart is already, he doesn’t want to get in the way or see her hurt

- if you try to romance halsin and astarion at the same time, he just wants you to do what makes you happy, even though you can tell it hurts him if you choose halsin. he’s also worried that you’re unhappy because he hasn’t slept with you (he should never have to worry about that ☹️), so he doesn’t want to stop you from enjoying yourself. in this situation and the one with karlach, you can see that there are moments where he puts others before himself and thinks about their feelings more than his own

- if you’re playing as the dark urge and you’re trying to resist it, he is so incredibly comforting and tries to give you strength and encouragement. one of my favourite astarion lines is this: “you’re not alone in this, none of us are.”

some more lines that i love:

“i don’t hate you. because this is not you. but whatever it is, you’ll get through it. and i’ll be here to make sure you do.”

“whatever it is that’s controlling you, we can fight it. i know that better than anyone.”

“this thing won’t have you. it won’t win.”

“easy now, darling. you’ve got this. and i’ve got you.”

- when you try to break up with him because you’re transforming into a mindflayer and you tell him you’re becoming something horrible, he gets so upset that you would even think that way and tells you that you’re wonderful and he doesn’t care about what you look like. then he says he would get more stares walking down a street than you to try and make you feel better

- if you love and care for him and remind him that there is still good out there, he genuinely wants to grow, be a better person and break the cycle of power and terror that started centuries ago

- he approves when you help people that are considered outcasts or "freaks" because he has felt that way too

- he risked his life and got punished for letting a man go instead of luring him back to cazador because it’s implied he cared about him in some way and he couldn't hurt him (not entirely sure about this one, this is just how i interpreted it based on his voice and mannerisms when he was talking about him)

- he approves when you give an orphaned child food (act 3)

- he becomes vulnerable, honest and more gentle with you once you start treating him like a person, because for the first time in his life, he actually feels safe with someone

- he's extremely insecure despite the mask he wears at the beginning of the game and he doesn't believe he is capable of being genuinely loved for who he is as a person. when you get close to him and tell him you care for him and give him a hug, he is taken aback at first, but then he believes you and hugs you back. also, when you're playing as the dark urge, you get this line: "you like him for more than his looks, but he will never believe that." this is proof that astarion is so used to being reduced to his physical appearance after what he was forced to do for so many years, and he thinks that's the only reason why people like him. he struggles with intimacy and forming strong emotional bonds, so that's why it makes your relationship with him even more meaningful when he realises that you truly do love him for who he is, not just for his looks and body

- when the drow you met at moonrise shows up in act 3 and tries to make you drink something, astarion tells you to say no, because the only thing she's offering is pain and he doesn't want to see you hurt

- if you romance him, stop him from doing the ritual and help him defeat cazador, he tells you that you are the only person he's ever truly cared for

- if you defeat cazador without him and tell him you just wanted to protect him, he gets upset at first because you left him behind without telling him and he wanted to take revenge himself, but then he becomes understanding and says “maybe this is what’s best? the kind of power that ritual offered could ruin a person. even me.” this shows how much he’s grown and matured as a person and he’s aware of the consequences of too much power. the scene also ends with him telling you that he’s grateful for something that you did to help him (again).

- he becomes more self-aware, straightforward and honest over time and he doesn’t pretend like he’s perfect. he tells you that you were by his side through all the bloodlust and pain and misery, despite all of his flaws and mistakes. you remained patient with him and trusted him even though it was an objectively stupid thing to do, but he is so grateful for it because you believed he could become a better person (and he did)

- this is sad but he remembers some of the names of the people he had to lure back to cazador and even the memories he shared with them. you can see this during the scene with sebastian, and it’s clear that he actually cared about him (not sure how many situations were like this, but there was definitely more than one)

- if you say “i’m sorry we couldn’t save the other vampire spawn”, he says:

“we could have tried. we could have given them the same chance i had. i was able to go out into the world and make better choices. to go against my nature and become more than a blood-sucking monster. maybe they would have done the same. or maybe not - but did we have the right to take that choice away from them?”

this scene shows how much astarion has grown and how compassionate and empathetic he can be towards others. he understood what it felt like to have his own freedom taken away while cazador made all his decisions for him, so he didn’t want to put the other vampire spawn through that too (especially because he still feels so guilty for luring them there in the first place)

- if you romance him and he stays as a vampire spawn and you choose to help him look for a cure so he can stand in the sun again, this is revealed during the epilogue scene:

“one night, he tells you that these last six months of happy memories are the counterweight to two hundred years of misery.”

he’s finally truly happy and free, and the short time he’s spent with you is already so incredibly powerful and important to him. being with you has positively impacted his life in such a massive way that it makes all those centuries of pain and misery feel so much smaller

- another sweet line from astarion during the epilogue scene after he tells you to go catch up with your other friends and see how they’re doing:

“i’ll be here when you’re ready. i’ll always be here, my love.”

THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND GROWTH 😭🫶🏼 he’s become so kind, loving, respectful, genuine and sincere. i’m so proud of him 🥹

#astarion #baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 #absolutely nobody asked for this but i just thought it would be cute to share some positive stuff about him :’) #ALSO #shoutout to the wonderful neil newbon for bringing this character to life with his incredible voice acting #astarion wouldn’t be astarion without him :) #bg3 spoilers #character analysis #meta #kinda idk what to tag this as lol #my posts

[xxblairexxss]

Doudou (part 4, Charles’s ending)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Pairing : Charles Leclerc x reader / Lando Norris x reader

Theme : Angst / Fluff

My heart broke for Lando. I’m so sorry. :( I haven’t proofread!

After everything that happened last week, you went on with your life. You started working, met new colleagues, and it felt like you were onto the next stage in your life. You were no longer a student, dying to catch up on the submission deadline and somehow, you were really enjoying it.

But it felt like something was missing, or someone. Someone who would be among the first one to congratulate you on your exam result, someone who always accompanied you staying up late going through files of different cases, someone who became your wall to lean on when things got so stressful you were so close to give up.

You spent every night thinking about him, about you and him. Yes, what he did was horrible but you remembered that aside from what happened that night, he never raised his voice, never cursed at you. He had always treated you like a delicate, dainty piece of flower. It felt unfair to judge him and to keep on punishing him based one part, and ignoring all the admirable and meaningful things he did before and after what happened. After all, he was still an important person to you. However, you had realised that he was somewhat different. Yes, didn’t shout, he didn’t curse at you after that night but it felt like he was walking on an egg shell around you, as if he didn’t know how to act.

But then again, you didn’t know what you would do if he was the one who asked you to give him space in this matter. Like, how would you act when you couldn’t touch the person that you spent days and nights with like you always did. How would you act when you were so used to have them locked in your arms one night but couldn’t even touch them the next day.

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

It was Wednesday night and you just had a long day at work. You skipped lunch because you got carried away and for some reason your social anxiety kicked in and you felt like these people would judge you to the core for trying to eat like a human being so now you were so famished you even had to chumble the chocolates that Charles gave you while waiting for your onion soup to simmer.

Speaking of Charles, you haven’t seen him after that night. New season is starting again in 2 weeks so he had been really busy going back and forth to Maranello but he never missed a call or text to check up on you.

And so was Lando.

“Oh my god, this new flavour is so good! What the heck did they put in this one?” You exclaimed and picked up the packaging to go through the ingredients. Somehow everything, anything was interesting to you at the moment. Your brain just needed to distract itself from thinking about how starving you were.

Then you heard a doorbell.

And you weren’t expecting anyone.

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

“Hi, I was thinking if you want to have dinner with me? The food’s on me.” He lifted the paper bag with a restaurant’s name on it and it was your favourite restaurant.

“Oh my god! How did you know?”

“You mentioned it during our Lego session the other day I thought it would be too last minute to have dinner at the restaurant so I ordered takeouts.”

Lando insisted that he wanted to try your onion soup though you kept on saying no. You weren’t that bad in cooking but if you knew you weren’t cooking for yourself and that someone else would like to try it, you would have paid more attention to it instead of just sprinkle sparkle eye level everything.

“I don’t want to be held responsible if you get food poisoning.”

“That’s alright, I won’t die.”

“Your have a race next week!”

“We have reserved driver for a reason.”

You could never win against him. There you were, spending another night in sweatshirts and baggy pants with Lando,

and your onion soup.

Which was surprisingly good. Not as good as a Michelin star restaurant as Lando claimed it to be but good for someone who cooked it while munching on chocolates.

“Are you nervous? I mean, the new season.”

“Hm, not really. Kinda excited for it. I have been driving the virtual car for months now. A real, hands-on experience would kick up the adrenaline again.”

“I think….” You trailed off and bit on your lips.

“Yeah?” Lando took another bite of the onion soup.

“I think I’m gonna give Charles another chance. What do you think?” You lifted up your gaze and beam timidly at him, feeling embarrassed to talk about your relationship problem with another guy, a friend of your ex-boyfriend at that.

When Lando caught your gaze, he caught your eyes making the same twinkle that made him stunned. Talk about timing. The first time he saw it up-close, it made his heart flutter and lost at words. Now that he saw it again, it still made him lost at words, but his heart didn’t flutter, it was smashed to pieces.

When Lando didn’t reply, you were slightly taken aback. You thought he would get mad or criticise your decision so you dipped your head down and started playing with your fingers.

“I think….” His voice halted your movement but you still didn’t look at him in the eyes.

“I think you should do what you heart desires, Y/N. After all, I am not the one to control your life because it’s yours but whatever it was, I’m gonna be with you, always, as your friend.”

Lando realised he didn’t actually have a lot of time with you. He thought he did. He spent half of the time loving you and the other half hiding how much he loved you.

“I’ll take back my Lego set with me, yeah?”

“I thought we were gonna finish it together?”

I don’t think there’s anymore chances for me to get to know you more so I don’t need it anymore was what Lando wanted to say.

“No, Y/N. We ran out of time. I ran out of time. The season is starting soon and I’m gonna start flying here there, remember? It’s okay, I won’t do it alone. I’ll bring it back and we can get it done together. Promise.”

One promise is made out of lie.

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Charles had called you a few days after, telling you to get dressed and he was gonna pick you up at 8. He didn’t tell you the occasion, he didn’t tell you the details and here you were, in a fancy restaurant with all candle lights and fancy music in the background.

You weren’t sure if he had asked the restaurant for a privacy set up or this was how they set up the theme for their restaurant but your table was separated by a door or more like a room where the waiter would shut the door every time they walked in and out through the full-course dinner, leaving both of you all alone in your comfort space. There was also like a glass doors which opened on to a balcony with a view of Monaco at night.

Charles had asked you to head out to the balcony after dessert and you were so glad that you agreed to it. He was so good-looking, the luminesce coming from the moon and street lights made his green eyes looked as if they were glowing which made him looked so, do much more attractive.

“Thank you. I mean, I never thought you would go this far just to celebrate my first job.” You took the first words. It was peaceful, not peaceful as in no other sound. There was still sound of cars passing by, the shallow voices from people in the street and the faint sound of music coming from the nearby clubs.

“I had it plan for a while but I didn’t have any free time to carry on with it so I’m like 2 weeks late. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t mind. I really really appreciate it, Charles. Thank you so much.” You stepped closer and placed your hands on his chest and they moved to the rhythm of his breathing. “Let’s give us another chance.”

Charles’s green eyes are now locked on yours but he looked like he needed you to say it again.

“Let’s give us another chance.”

Then you could see the ends of his mouth lifted into a curve, the dimples line that you used trace looking deeper as he pulled you closer by your waist. His eyes studied your face as if he was looking for the sincerity and genuineness to make sure what he heard was indeed real.

“Are you being serious?”

“Yeah! Do you…want to?”

You didn’t know if he nodded to your question or if he even replied to your question but youfelt Charles’s lips on yours and it sent a tingling sensation ran through your body. God, you missed him so much. The kiss was full of gentle urgency, you felt his hand cupped on your face as he deepened the kiss. There was nothing else mattered to you at the moment, there was no fear or worries, no past. You just felt this pure, unconstrained and overwhelming passion that reminded you back that it was him, all this time and it would always be him. The kiss ended only when both of you ran out of breath but instead of pulling away, he leaned his forehead against yours and closed him eyes when you began stroking on his cheek.

“I was scared that if I ever stumbled around you again, you would slip off my fingers and I can’t go through that feeling of having no contact with you, not being able to tell you about my accomplishments or failures all over again. I have been living in a constant terror these past few months it’s frightening—“

“I knew, Charles. I knew. I saw the way you being all restless and fidgeting around me, I saw you scanned my face as if you were seeking for my approval before you could touch me. You slipped off once and you made a mistake but we are all learning, aren’t we? None of us knew exactly what love is, none of us knew how relationship worked but look at us now. It’s okay to make mistakes, I want you to be yourself, be comfortable around me like you always did. We’ll figure things out together and I want you to be with me throughout the journey in my life, in our lives. Promise me that you’ll never push me away, talk to me when things get too hard for you, please?”

“Promise. I love you, doudou. All ways, always.”

And one promise is made out of hope.

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“Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Lando!” You squealed in excitement to the phone as soon as he picked it up.

“I’m assuming things go well between you and Charles?” You had texted him last night that you were excited and scared but he had assured you that you had nothing to worry because he knew Charles, and he knew you.

“Yeah! We made up and he was so happy and I was so happy too I cried last night and he almost cried—“

And Lando stayed on the phone, every words you said felt like it was piercing on his heart but hearing your voice, knowing you were triumphantly joyful felt like the wound in his heart healed instantly,

and then he remembered that you were talking about Charles, and he felt his heart bled, again but almost instantly, over and over, the sound of your joyful laugh through the phone healed the wound, again.

Lando knows he will never be him, but you will always be her.

“Perhaps in another life, I could be the first one to teach you about friendships, about relationships, perhaps I could be the first guy to hold your hand, the first guy to kiss you and the first guy to break your heart. Perhaps by then, you would choose me over him.”

ynusername

Liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris and 455,365 others

ynusername Pasta and wine 🍝🍷

username si belleeeee 🥰🥰🥰🥰

username You look unreaaal

username Is that Charles on the last pic?

username It’s him check his story

username Does that mean my fav couple is back 🥹

username I’m no longer a child of a divorceeeeee

username La plus belle ❤️😍

charles_leclerc has added to their story

landoprivate

Liked by 8 others

landoprivate Flowers. This one doesn’t wilt.

kymillman

Liked by 103,554 others

kymillman Guess who’s back in the paddock at the start of the season! Ms, childhood sweetheart!

username I knew it!!

username Charles P1 let’s go!

username sighs she’s so pretty 🥹😔

username MY PARENTS THAT’S MY PARENTS RIGHT THERE

username LOLL to all those people who think she had something with Lando

username first love will always wins

#charles leclerc x reader #f1 imagines #charles leclerc #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc imagines #f1 imagine #lando norris imagines #lando norris imagine #lando norris x reader #lando norris

[samiswifey]

Christmas With Her

Paring: Sam Carpenter x Fem!Reader

Warnings: none

Summary: set in the same universe as my Back To You au. It's your first Christmas back in the city and Sam decided to go all out for your short visit back

Getting the news that you were coming back for Christmas Sam quickly decided that she had to make this the best Christmas ever! She knew how important Christmas was to you and you coming back was a big deal that she started putting up decorations to make the apartment a little more festive for your arrival. She knew the Christmas before she left wasn't your best and she has always had it in the back of her mind that she wanted to make that up to you. Now was her chance.

"Sam, don't you think this is too much," Tara motioned to the decorations that covered the house. "She's only here for three days." She said pointedly.

The short time you were here made Sam frown but she covered it back with a smile. "Yes it's only three days but I still want those three days to be the best for her." She said. "Christmas hasn't always been easy for Y/N and I want to make this one the best."

Driving into the city you couldn't help but completely relax at the realization of finally being here. It wasn't a super long drive back but it was long enough for you to be tired and ready for a nap. However this also fueled your excitement for seeing Sam again. Yes you guys call and FaceTime but that's so much different from actually seeing her in person again. She's also the only reason why you're even excited about this holiday and that definitely has to count for something.

Driving for the last few hours you should have been exhausted but the minute you pulled into the parking lot of the familiar apartment complex you felt all the sleep exist your body and you just felt more awake then ever right now.

Stepping out of your car you held a two bags filled with gifts as you made your way up to the door and knocked twice. It wasn't even thirty seconds before the door opens and your pulled into a bear hug by Sam. She said nothing as she repeatedly kissed your face. You giggled but let her continue until she decided to stop on her own.

"Sam stop eating her face and let Y/N come in." Tara teased.

Sam giggled but let you go to walk inside. Your eyes grew wide when you saw how decorated the small apartment was. The decorations were super fancy but they were lovely and they reminded you of home before everything went bad. It was beautiful.

"Oh Sam the apartment looks beautiful! I wish I could have been here to decorate." You said awestruck.

Sam moves next to you and holds your hand. "Hopefully next year we'll be together and then we can decorate together." She said. You smiled at her when she said. "I would absolutely love that."

With this being the first time you guys have seen each other physically in two months you and Sam decided to enjoy each other's company to the fullest. You were both cuddled on the couch with your fingers locked together as you and Sam made small talk on the couch. The conversation wasn't deep but it was meaningful to you. You liked these kinds of conversations because it showed you a more fun side to Sam. She is usually so serious so when you two just got to cuddle and talk about random things you definitely cherished them.

"So what do you do on Christmas morning? Like what's your perfect day?" Sam asked.

You smiled as you thought about it. "We wake up early to make breakfast and we eat together while watching those cheesy Christmas movies," you laughed. "Then we open gifts! All while singing Christmas songs - you'll hate it at first but you'll soon find yourself loving it because you're having so much. Then we eat dinner together and spend the rest of the day just enjoying our time together." You told her. "It would be perfect."

Sam saw the look of excitement in your eyes and she knew that she was about to make this Christmas perfect for you. She, in her mind, still felt like she needs to make it up to you. Like she has to keep fixing what she broke all those years ago. She wants to show you that your relationship is serious to her and that she truly does love you. This relationship is not one sided and she hopes that making this the best Christmas ever can show you that. She has to make tomorrow perfect

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Waking up very early Sam slowly climbed out of bed and tip toed to the kitchen to make sure she had everything she needs to make French toast. She knew it was your favorite when you were kids so she's really hoping that that's still true because she would feel horrible if she got it wrong. That would be a sucky way to start Christmas.

"Sam what are you doing up so early?" Tara asked as she steps into the kitchen.

Sam continued checking ingredients that she had. "Making sure I have everything to make French toast with." She muttered out. Tara was confused by that. "But you hate French toast." She comments. "Why would you want to make it for breakfast?" She asked.

Sam smiled to herself when she thought about you. "Y/N loves it and I want to start Christmas Day with her favorite breakfast. So I really need to make sure I have everything to make it the way she loves." She explains. "It has to be perfect."

Waking up you frowned when you noticed that Sam was not next to you. Sitting up you slowly got out of bed and made your way out of the room. The smell of French toast hit your nose and you smiled as you walked toward the kitchen. You didn't say anything as you watched Sam cook breakfast while singing to herself. You smiled when you remembered that she used to do that back when you were kids. You have always loved Sam's voice and that's something that will never change.

"Baby?"

Sam turns around to smile at you. "Baby I'm so glad you're up! Breakfast will be ready soon." She said. You walked up behind her and gently wrapped your arms around her as you watched her cook. This was something that you used to do a lot before Christina caught you and it forced you to stop showing affection to Sam in public because you didn't want Sam to face her mother's fury again. However now things are different and you can show her all the love and affection you want without being scolded.

"I never asked, but is French toast still your favorite?" Sam asked.

You nodded as you moved to stand next to her. "It's the only good memory I have from my childhood. Us eating French toast together on the weekend. Watching whatever random thing was on TV." You said. Sam laughed "remember when we came across that really bad shark movie! We both wanted to change the channel but it was so ridiculously bad that we kind of got stuck watching it to see how it ended." She said. You laughed loudly at the memory. "Yes! Oh it was so bad that I can't believe it went on to have five sequels!" You exclaimed. Sam shook her head. "They were so bad."

Once breakfast was done you and Sam sat at the table with Tara and the twins there bickering about some new horror movie that had come out. Neither you or Sam really cared for horror movies but you found the conversation interesting considering how heated debates between Tara and Mindy got.

"I don't agree that all B horror movies are bad movies. There are a lot of good ones out there." Tara said.

Mindy scoffs "yeah, like a handful! Most of them are poorly written torture films with little to no plot to keep the film interesting." She argues. This caused them to argue over which movies were actually good and which ones were just had great kills but a terrible story. This conversation was never ending.

The afternoon came fast and you were all sitting around getting ready to open presents. The gifts you got from Tara and the twins were amazing. Yes Mindy gave you joke socks but you absolutely loved them. Chad gave you a coffee maker since yours broke last month and Tara got you three new journals because she knows how much you love to write. The gifts were amazing and you were happy that they loved everything you got them.

Sam sat a little off to the side with one gift in her hand because it was the only one she had to save up for. Her heart was beating fast in her chest as she slowly moves closer to you. "It's not much but I saw it one day when I was out and it reminded me of you so I saved up and was finally able to get it last week." She said quickly. "I really hope you like it."

You smiled as you took her gift and slowly unwrapped it. You gasped when you saw the raindrop diamond that you had when you were younger. Your grandma gave you hers and you absolutely loved it. You wore it everyday until your mom stole it from you and pawned it for money to give to her boyfriend. It was nearly identical to your original one.

"Baby... I love it. It's so beautiful." You said as you leaned in to kiss her. "Thank you."

Sam smiles as she helps you put it on. She was so happy that you liked it because she was extremely worried that you'd hate it, but you didn't and that made her completely relax.

"I hope you guys don't mind but I went all out on getting you guys gifts. I wanted our first Christmas together to be special." You said softly.

Everyone pulled you into a group hug and told you that it would have been perfect no matter what. You being here with them was what was making it special and that had you smiling like a fool at that. It really warmed your heart at how welcoming everyone was. It was amazing.

Spending the last few hours cooking you have never laughed as much in your life as you did today. The last few years you were completely dreading the holiday but this year, spending it with them, had you excited to see what next year bought you.

"Baby do you remember that recipe for that cake you used to love?" Sam asked. "Tara wanted to make it because we have everything here but she just needs the recipe," she adds.

You thought for a moment as you tried to remember everything that your grandma used to put in. It was a fairly simple cake but she did things a certain way and that's what you needed to remember.

"I know everything but she did things a certain way and that's what makes this cake so special." You said as you walked away with Tara behind you.

Sitting on the couch you and Tara looked through one of your notebooks with recipes from your grandma. They were everything you used to love eating that she would make for you. It was bringing back memories of you with your grandma in the kitchen cooking some meal that she thought up. It was always an incredible time when you were with her and just the thoughts alone made you smile.

It made Sam smile at how easily you could make everyone around you happy. It was the thing she loves the most about you because whenever she's been upset you were always there to make her smile and just cheer her up. Even when things fell apart you were there making her laugh and forget for just a moment. She'll never be able to repay you for everything you did for her. She is forever grateful for you.

Sitting around the table there was nothing but happiness and laughter as you and the core four shared stories. Yes some were embarrassing but that's what made them the more fun to share. Dinner was delicious and very well made. Sam kept glancing at you and smiling as she kept your hands locked together.

You could tell that Sam was the most happy she's been in a while and it was an honor to you that you were able to be apart of why she was so happy right now. It made your heart swell to see Sam happy and you would do anything to keep her smiling forever.

With the night winding down you and Sam snuck off to the bedroom for some alone time together. You both sat on her bed as she held another small gift in her hands.

"I wanted to wait until we were alone to give this one to you." She said softly. "It's something that only you and I will know the meaning behind."

You kissed her softly before pulling away to open the gift. Your eyes grew wide when you saw the silver bracelet with your name and Sam's name on it. "Did you recreate our friendship bracelets from when we were kids?" You asked. "Sam that is so sweet!"

You leaned forward and kissed Sam again. This kiss was deeper and much more passionate then the last few you've shared today. Sam could feel the love you were pouring into the kiss and she gave you back the same amount. It was a kiss that told you both everything you needed to know. Your love was real and you both were excited to see where the future takes you. Today was perfect and filled with memories that neither of you could wait to share with your future family. Although Sam was very nervous things turned out way better than she could have hoped for and it filled her heart with happiness to know that your first Christmas with her was absolutely perfect. It was incredible.

#sam carpenter #sam carpenter x reader #tara carpenter #mindy meeks martin #chad meeks martin

[moons-of-dewclan]

I was curious how to get your clan really set off? I recently (LIKE EARLIER TODAY JFJSJFJ) started my own clangen blog but idk if it's worthy of Tumblr😭

How can I improve my art and improve my process? You're one of my BIGGEST inspirations ngl you're literally him (or her or they I'm so sorry I never caught your pronouns) but I was just curious on how to be better? If you wanna look, don't. It's like, rlly bad so.... save your eyes. Have a lovely nighttt <33

HELLOOOOO I'M NOT 100% SURE WHAT YOU MEAN BY SET OFF I'M SORRY :{ if you mean to get people reading it, i think it's vastly just luck also appealing to an audience by accident i posted my art online for 10 years (i started posting in 2010 as a wee ka- told you i'm an adult haahahueu) before anyone showed consistent interest and i valued those two or so commenters who occasionally had something to say about my stuff, so much LAKSNLKD. that entire decade i got between 2 and 30 favourites for every piece i posted- usually between 2 and 10- until around 2021 when a making a comic aANNND joining a wolf ARPG group exposed me to many kindred art-enjoyers that wanted to keep up with my goofy stories then for some reason, i posted Dewclan's first page on tumblr and it got way more engagement than any other piece of art i've ever posted SO LAKSDNLKDAS WE CANNOT PREDICT THESE THINGS.. at least i can't if you're looking for engagement, pLS AIM FOR ENGAGEMENT THAT FEELS MEANINGFUL over anything else IN MY OPINION, and it's just my opinion- part of being 'better' is, first and foremost, being able to enjoy your art alone. and then being excited with what you choose to share! even if you don't care about your quality of art, care about the story. if you don't care about the story, care about the process and just having fun. but you have to have fun in doing it, and do it for your own eyes primarily. like if you were alone in a room and creating only for yourself! because, until you happen to find others who like what you're liking, you are then when someone is interested and you get to share that excitement, even that ooone comment on something you care about is OOGHHH SUCH A NICE FEELIN. enter communities, comment on other artists' work, try to make friends! but make sure to remember, if you create with the hopes others will like it, without liking it yourself, you're going to be really broken down if someone doesn't like it FOR you :{ loving your own art is tough work but it's integral to your longterm relationship with drawing ON IMPROVING.. for me, nothing is more integral to improving than finding a way to practice that suits you (looking at live figures doesn't help me at all. i don't know why. it's insane), and having fun doing it. i can't grasp anatomy unless i break it down with shapes. SHAPES ARE EVERYTHING. study the shapes of what you want to draw. break em down by tracing simple shapes over your subject. see if the leg is the same length as the head from muzzle to neck and lock that info in. STUFF LIKE THAT on the technical side of things, it can be super helpful to dedicate half an hour or so to drawing a day- eventually it becomes a habit and you just default to 'oh i think i wanna draw' when you've got nothing else to do. more drawing, more improvement!

HONESTLY THO another important thing is not putting yourself down. i know it's a hard habit to break (i struggle with it outside of art myself!), but it doesn't do you any favours. the more you rag on yourself, the more it'll manifest as something that actually damages your art, AND your relationship with it. let it be fun- don't sabotage yourself! you can be critical of your work and still kind! little tip here, improving can take a while, but experimenting with styles can make an INSTANT shift in how you perceive your stuff. ALSOOO EXPERIMENT WITH DIFFERENT BRUSHES FOR SKETCHING AND LINING. I PROOMISE. PLS DO IT. IT'S LIKE A MAGIC TRICK. i cannNNNOT sketch with a hard brush. everything looks horrible. marker brush tho?? so smooth. full of character. lovely. binary brush sketches? suddenly i'm Anime. pencil brush?? i digidevolve back into baby ka who loved to crosshatch and do semi realism. airbrush??? i explode into atoms actually

i find for a lot of people, they don't need to improve or be 'better' at art, they need to learn to enjoy what they're capable of doing now, and improvement is a byproduct. from what i've seen through the years, unless you work to curb it the negative view of your art will stick with you no matter what 'skill level' you get to bc the calls' comin from inside the house, yknow what i mean 3: it can be a long process to learn to accept your art, and sometimes you just plain grow out of it over time! but in the meantime it can't hurt to make efforts to fight your d e m o n s

I'M SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH IK YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS ALL IT ISN'T JUST TO YOU, ODESSY-CLAN BLOG RUNNER, IT'S AIMED AT ANYONE WITH ARTSY SELF DOUBTS. i hope i phrased everything kindly bc i meant it all kindly 3: i hate to see an artist doubt their work, but THERE IS NO SHAME IN IT. i want to encourage loving it regardless of any flaws tho, even though it takes time!

#kasks

[erenxfrieda]

just some thoughts about Papa!Miguel, reader and creepy spidey! Miguel

tw: slightly yandere? two Miguels, 928B Miguel being a creep he is, Papa!Miguel is a big softie, mentions of stalking, some mentions of Miguel's childhood

i dunno why, my heart kinda melts whenever I see Miguel, real father of Gabriella, he's just looking so soft and caring, single father with a big heart for his daughter , he even tried to stop the thief! and! got! killed! for! it! literally crying mess when I think about it he didn't deserve such a fate :((

both looking the same but so different if you look closely, I just wonder how would they interact with each other.

'our' Miguel is still very sensitive nature, cries silently in his room when no-one is here when he just sees your old photos, smiling so sadly but yet so lovingly when he repeats the video of you two, enjoying doing stuff together, cooking, playing games, gardening, growing some vegetables together, and he repeats the video again and again until he could recreate this in his mind with zero difference from the original

papa Miguel always on your side whenever you are, hands on your waist or your shoulders as if to try to encourage you and make you feel even more safe, he's here, with you, and everything will be fine because you're strong, and he believes in you no matter what. you could never see him without a soft smile on his face, he's such a sunshine in your life, just like you in his.

i believe that if two Miguels would have a chance to be with you at the same time it will be a little confusing, don't ask me how would it happen, just lets imagine it ,

papa Miguel is a big softie, he's actually a sweet one for you always no matter what, he's tired from all the work at Alchemax? he is still having enough strength to make you feel happy, even though his muscles and back begging for some good dad's nap , creepy Miguel never sleep. well, he does, but you could never catch him sleeping. always busy with work, Multiverse, anomalies and stuff, it will never stop happening so he can't let himself take a rest. the fate of the multiverse on his hands, he signed for it, he thought. so, as a hardworking, strong and totally not the guy who just wants to take a good 8-hour sleep in his life for once he sometimes ‘I'm gonna close my eyes just for a 5 minutes’ or ‘i'm just let my eyes rest’ and then he falls asleep in his chair , when you find him like this he will act like he really didn't just passed out right here and he actually payed attention on the screen where he monitors all unusual stuff !

one day you will beg him to rest for an hour or something, all he does just brush it off with a slight annoyance, saying that he has other important stuff to do, so don't bother him with this. you, as a pretty smart person yourself, use some tricks to make him actually do what you want.

‘ I'm scared, can't sleep alone. can I sleep in your room with you?’

‘ no.’

‘ please? Pa is snoring so loudly, and I have important stuff to do in the early morning...’

and so he agrees. he pretends he doesn't actually like it, like he would rather stay all night long alone and not right next to you, so close and warm, he can't really fight it for the entire time 😴 and when he finally gives himself some time to sleep, he does it very, very quietly. not a single sound or move from him. sometimes you would be freaked out at first, because he makes some weird sleeping poses like a vampire inside his coffin 🦇 ,

good thing you don't know all the stuff he does when you're not awake. creepy Miguel is... actually acting creepy? wow ! but seriously, how could he be not when he stalked Pa and you for God knows how long?

you can sleep peacefully in your bed, hugging a pillow close to your chest, while you have sweet dreams. alone in your room, decorated with your favorite things, somewhere lies a photo of you and Miguel, which is especially meaningful to you, because every day when you wake up it lies in a cute photo frame on the bedside table.

Miguel cannot help but be distracted by your sleeping form, you calmly sniff in your sleep, not even suspecting that the fanged monster, which can easily tear you in half if you wish, is so close to you. moreover, it has the same look and voice as your closest person.

Sometimes he thinks, how would you react? Would you scream and curse as you try to punch and kick him in a panic when you see those shiny red eyes in the darkness? please don't do this.

the soft creak of the door resounds somewhere behind and the man cannot help but instinctively turn his head back, looking at his doppelganger , standing in the doorway.

Oh shock, why now? At this very vulnerable moment? It would seem that fate really hates him, and Miguel is already ready to return to his usual sullen manner of communication, knitting his eyebrows and pursing his lips, looking somewhere to the side and blushing like a boy who was caught stealing something. for some reason, it makes him remember his childhood, every time there were quarrels in the family, Miguel had to take responsibility for the sake of his younger brother , while their mother would chastise Miguel. for some reason he feels shame, but for some reason, at the same time, he doesn't care if he was caught or not.

"...just wanted to make sure they were safe," he mumbles something under his breath, avoiding eye contact with the version of himself.

" right," the other one nods at his words, the same soft smile on his face as he sits next to 928B Miguel.

no curses, no one screams at him, he doesn't have to bashfully look down, listening to nothing but only words of insult in his direction. “me too.”

Miguel looks surprised to some extent, his eyes are slightly wide and his mouth is parted, but nothing but a quiet “mhhm” comes from him. no one wants to wake you up, you look too sweet and cute to make you wake up for such a reason. you can sleep peacefully , without fear that some scary monster from under your bed will decide to appear and harm you. no, not when he is already closely connected with your life.

#yandere spiderverse #yandere miguel o'hara #yandere x reader #miguel ohara x reader #spiderverse x reader #spiderman x reader #yandere spiderman #yandere imagines #yandere marvel #papa!miguel #creepy!miguel #miguel o'hara x reader #spiderverse across the spiderverse

[wordbunch]

being in love with Elrond...

a/n: I never know what to do with titles!!! ugh. anyway, I’m not responsible for this, it just happened... he’s so sweet and I love him. no warnings, no explicit content, just fluff!

“love at first sight” type of love

you both needed to exchange about 3 sentences altogether to start falling for each other

he looks at you and talks about you as if you put all the stars in the sky

so many loving looks you don’t notice when you’re focused on something

you make sure to remind him that he can share all the burdens with you, even though he really doesn’t want to trouble you with anything

but both of you end up sharing everything and anything with each other

Elrond would LOVE to pick up meaningful little gifts for you, or anything that reminded him of you (also think of how Durin got the new table for Disa - this Elf would have no problem charming anyone to get something that you wanted)

you really love to be physically close, even if it’s just having linked arms or legs touching under the table (he cannot let you slip away, ever)

whenever that is possible, you’d love to accompany him on any kind of journey

simultaneously he likes it, because he really hates to be away from you, but also he finds it stressful, because what if something happens?

(but a small part of him also enjoys subtly showing you off in a way, like, hey, look, THAT is my beloved!!!)

Elrond knows you’re capable of protecting yourself, and strong and fierce, but he still has a strong desire to protect you - too many important figures had disappeared from his life already

sometimes you would have small arguments about his protectiveness, but sometimes you would let him do it

besides that, you’d never argue about anything else, really

except talking about every topic imaginable, being in silence together is also enjoyable, if you’re reading something, or just taking a stroll

on those days when he is extra busy, he would move mountains just to spend a bit of free time with you - it brings so much joy and peace

sometimes there’s a lot on his mind, so he can be a tiny bit forgetful, but you look out for him extra carefully on those days (remind him to go stretch out and get some air, maybe drink something, just take a small break)

in those moments, he feels like the happiest, most loved being in the whole Middle-earth

not just in those moments, in all moments

you make him so happy, he’s just glowing constantly, and he makes you just as happy

you can read him really well, even if he doesn’t talk about something

he wants to be unbelievably affectionate towards you, but is still super respectful and so many times he will ask if it’s alright to kiss you or something like that

even if you’ve seen each other 10 times in one day, Elrond is still absolutely elated every time he sees you

every. time.

being apart is almost unbearable, so you really try to avoid that, but the reunions after time away are so happy and full of love and you just run towards him without a care in the world and give him the tightest of all hugs

Elrond is so amazed by your beauty that sometimes he forgets what he was going to say to you... so he often writes you little poems, notes, or letters when he feels like it

you save every single one and treasure them so much

he likes to come up from behind you, nuzzle his face in your neck and give you little kisses or just breathe in your scent

you have a very calming effect on him, feels like home, and he almost melts at even the smallest show of affection

learning things together, for example about constellations, plants, history...

first and foremost, you’re each other’s dearest friends, and then lovers

it’s uncommon for one of you to even be seen without the other, but whenever one needs space, they get it

there is no way to be sure of what the future brings, but one thing is certain - you have each other’s undying love and support no matter what

basically you two invented love and that’s it

#my post #rings of power #lotr #lord of the rings #lotr rop #young elrond #elrond x reader #lord of the rings the rings of power #elrond #lotr trop #trop #the rings of power #from my pocketses

[samieree]

Part 2!

!MATURE CONTENT!

Heimdall x reader (childhood friends, now something more 😏)

-> part 1

It starts just after the first part!

~

You still felt a shiver as he said it directly into your ear. You felt almost paralyzed by such closeness, what to think about anything else... You knew that your cheeks were probably already burning.

Heimdall must have sensed your uneasiness because he got off of you and sat next to you, resting his hand on his knee. You could easily roll onto your back, staring at him with your heart still hard pounding. In your wildest dreams about the two of you, you couldn't imagine you in the situation he was proposing. You've never been with anyone else...

“But... right here...?  I…” you said, stuttering as you tried to form a meaningful sentence and reason why you weren't ready for this. And it was hard to do that when you could feel his gaze on you and couldn't take your eyes off his beautiful, twinkling eyes.

He didn't answer, just kept his eyes on you and ran the back of his hand gently over your cheek. He didn't seem upset by your sudden refusal, you were even a little surprised to see him so... Calm, not making any snide remarks.

After staring at you like that for a while, he even smiled and took his hand away, laying down right next to you.

“Come here.” he finally spoke to you, spreading one hand out to the side, as if inviting you to cuddle with him. “Not ‘as if’. Do you have to think about everything so much, sunshine?”

You didn't say anything, just smiled slightly and hugged him, resting your head on his chest. Then you felt one of his hands rest on your waist and the other on your shoulder. He tilted his head slightly to rest on yours.

You closed your eyes, and your breathing - despite being so close to him - surprisingly remained even and your cheeks didn't burn so much. Now his presence didn't intimidate you and didn't give you butterflies in your stomach, just… it calmed you down. With your face close to his chest, you could hear his heartbeat. Calm, even, like a melody that you could fall asleep to, that made you feel safe...

“Does it really calm you down…? Do you feel… safe with me?” he asked suddenly, with disbelief in his voice.

 “Why wouldn't I?”  you replied without opening your eyes. But… did you hear that it was his heart that sped up a little this time, was it because of your thoughts?

You may not be able to read minds, but you knew perfectly well that he was very pleased with your words and the way you thought of him. You knew it, among other things, from the previously mentioned accelerated heartbeat and the slightly firmer grip of his hand on your body.

He didn't answer you, just kissed you on the head somewhere between your hair and you lay there silently, just enjoying each other's presence.

 * * *

It's been three weeks since you and Heimdall got together. It may be short, but you've gotten used to him by now. He still liked to annoy you, but at least he seemed less jealous. Although… Now when he was jealous, he would put his arm around you or stand behind you and cuddle, resting his head on top of yours.

You also managed to develop a common routine - everyday afternoon cuddling was obligatory. No matter where, it is important to provide yourself with a decent portion of hugs at the same time every day.

So it was this afternoon. You were in his room on the bed. You’re under him, cuddling him to your chest and playing with his loose hair. You smiled slightly every time you felt how relaxed he was with you, his hands resting freely on your body somewhere, gently teasing them from time to time.

Feeling his hand near your breast, you couldn't shake the thought of wanting to feel it on it. Feel it as close as possible, feel that you actually belong to each other completely.

You felt the warmth caused by his proximity, which burned you from the inside, unable to find an outlet anywhere. He seemed to know what you were thinking because you felt him tense up a bit and ran his thumb lightly over your breast.

“I want you.” you whispered finally, stopping to play with his hair. He pulled back a bit to look at you better. “Here and now.” you added, not breaking eye contact as you slid more from the pillow onto the mattress of the bed.

The piercing gaze of his beautiful eyes didn't help you focus, on the contrary - it burned you even more, as if your body was almost painfully hot and only his touch could calm it down.

“You want it?” you shivered slightly as your bodies touched more. The only thing that separated you so painfully were the clothes…

“You tell me.” you replied, feeling his hand slip under your shirt and slowly roam up your bare skin. You wanted to add something, but your voice caught in your throat as he suddenly squeezed your breast. You knew perfectly well that he can see your thoughts now, thoughts about how much you want his touch, how much you want him to kiss every part of your body and be the reason that will make you feel like in heaven.

“Damn…” was all he said, running his lips down your neck, teasing it with loose strands of his hair.

His other hand also found its way under your blouse, but not to start caressing the other breast, but to get your top clothes off. He lifted himself off of you slightly so you could lift yourself up a bit too and your blouse was on the floor very quickly, leaving your breasts exposed to his gaze.

You blushed as you felt his burning gaze on your breasts. You wanted to raise your hands and cover them, but…

“Don't do it, you're beautiful.” Heimdall said quietly, resting his head on your chest and looking sideways at you. “You're all beautiful.”

Now your cheeks were red at all, he wouldn't even have to look at you with his lovely eyes... He straightened up for a moment, now kneeling over you to take off his decorative belt and white tunic, under which he still had a shirt, which also quickly landed somewhere to the side.

It's the first time you've seen him without all those layers of clothes and… Oh gods, you enjoyed it. Several golden tattoos covered his skin, ending around his - surprisingly - nicely sculpted stomach. It was a sight like his eyes - mesmerising, you could watch him like this for hours...

You hesitantly placed your hands on his stomach muscles and gently ran your fingertips over them. When you looked up at his face after a moment, you saw his satisfied smirk as he bent over you again and your hands travelled from his stomach to his shoulders and stopped on them.

“You're not the only one who's beautiful, darling.” he said, going back to kissing your neck. But this time, he began to move lower and lower as time passed, just as his hand slid from your waist to your pants and underwear. “Relax.” he added, already on your breast as he felt you tense from his touch against your crotch. “Relax and enjoy it, that's what it's all about.” one of his fingers began to trace circles on your clit, and you sighed softly, closing your eyes and resting your head on the soft pillow. “Just like that…”

With your eyes closed, you could focus completely on what he was doing. How his lips and tongue ran over the sensitive skin of your breasts, his other hand still caressing your most sensitive spot. How one finger slides off your clitoris and slowly slides into your vagina instead. You let out a soft moan at this new feeling as he moved inside you, evoking successive little waves of pleasure.

At the same time as he slid a second finger inside you, you felt his lips on yours as he slowly ran his tongue over your bottom lip, demanding entrance. You parted your lips a little, letting his tongue brush the inside of your mouth.

You groaned into his mouth unhappy as you felt his fingers leave your sheath. And it was getting so… blissful.

“Someone is very impatient, but we have so much time.” he said, pulling back slightly and smiling. He sat back up and you followed him, not responding and instead initiating another deep kiss.

Wrapping arms around his neck, you didn't even pay much attention to his hands going down to the buttons on your pants. His closeness stunned you that much, that you didn't care or stress about anything. You knew this one thing: You wanted him, now.

He pushed you back onto the bed, then took your pants and underwear off with one pull, and you became completely naked in front of him, but it didn't make you blush as much as discovering your breasts earlier.

Heimdall said something under his breath that you didn't understand and quickly took off his remaining clothes.

“What did you say?” you asked as he shrugged off the last thing he had left and turned his full attention back to you.

He muttered that under his breath again, spreading your legs to make place for himself between them.

“I still haven't heard…” you said in a slightly teasing tone, running one hand through his blonde hair as he leaned over you, nudging your nose lightly with his.

“I said…” he trailed off, tensing himself a bit as his cock was at your entrance. “…that I want you too.” he finally finished in a whisper, pushing his hips slightly and finally finding himself inside of you.

You both moaned at that first time your bodies joined together in that perfect spot.  Your nails dug into the skin of his arms and left red marks on them, which perfectly described your first reaction to this unexpected feeling.

With one hand, he lightly massaged your clit, not moving too much at first, to give you time to get used to his size. Relax. Enjoy it. You sighed softly as he placed gentle kisses on your cheek and jaw line, helping you to relax more. You slid your hand into his hair and kissed him somewhere in between, nodding your head that it was okay.

As soon as you gave the sign, you felt waves of pleasure hit you, caused by more and more thrusts. It was quite slow at first, but the longer it went on, the faster and more intense it became.

You wrapped your legs around his hips to get even closer if that was even possible and pulled you into another kiss during which you bit his bottom lip lightly, and then your tongues were fighting for dominance, punctuated by more moans of pleasure.

Eventually the intensity of the experience hitting you became too much to bear any longer and all the accumulated emotions of the last few minutes exploded into an uncontrollable bliss as you grabbed his hair tightly and tugged.

“Ouch!” you only screamed, half in pain and more in laughter as he bit your neck, coming inside you himself.

“That's how I felt.” he replied, shaking his head a little to get his hair out of his face.  You just rolled your eyes with a smile on your face still having somewhere in the back of your mind that wonderful feeling he just gave you. You could spend the whole night like this… “Okay, but don't tug at my hair again.” apparently he must have read your thoughts, because he just responded to your thoughts... You frowned slightly, pouting your lips slightly, making a begging face. “All right, you can, but if they fall out…!”

You didn't let him finish but kissed him again, tangling a hand in his beloved hair again, but this time you were gently massaging his scalp, which must have pleased him, because you heard and felt him purr right into your mouth.

This night is going to be a long one, and you can't promise he'll end it with all his hair and a flawlessly smooth back...

~ -> general masterlist -> God of War: Ragnarök masterlist

@asriels-stuff It seems that you were waiting for part 2 😁

(If someone is wondering - I still take requests, also with my other husbands from Star Wars or Game of Thrones... 😅🤪)

#heimdall gow #heimdall x reader #gow heimdall #heimdall god of war #heimdall #gow #god of war heimdall #god of war #god of war ragnarok #heimdall smut

[akajustmerry]

heartstopper is primarily aimed at kids and I think that's wonderful and so important that lgbt kids have age-appropriate stories to enjoy because lord knows most of us did not. that being said, one massive critique of Alice Oseman's writing style I have is how clean it is. every character, even the characters you're not meant to like, say all the right self-aware things all the time. all the characters speak like they're always in an educational demonstration video. I think there's a perception that young people are more self-aware nowadays because of social media and many are but there are plenty of young people who still don't have the language or knowledge to articulate their feelings. that inability to express yourself and your feelings is such a huge part of being a teenager and I feel like it's something Heartstopper just doesn't really have because Alice Oseman is so busy writing these characters like check-lists for Good Representation™, rather than characters who feel real. I genuinely am not saying this in a mean way. I just don't enjoy that style of writing. i don't find it compelling or cathartic because there are no real stakes or risks. maybe this is mean of me to say, but i get the impression alice oseman just doesn't really know how to write these experiences in a meaningful way. the only way she knows how to write is fanservice, googling "good [insert marginalised experience] representation, and avoiding anything that can't be didactically self-explained. even the fucking homophobic gay bully gets this big speech where he explains inner motivations like he's in a pamphlet for internalised homophobia. charlie explains his eating disorder like he just googled "how to explain eating disorders". none of the dialogue actually feels real or like how kids would talk. to me (and this is my personal opinion only), it lacks any real believability a lot of the time. not because i don't think lgbt young people and poc don't exist but because their lives aren't the quirky dramatisation segments of a "diversity 101" video. i don't think alice oseman is good at writing the majority of the experiences she wants to portray in the show and its weird so many people insist she can. call me crazy but i think lgbt youth deserve media where the characters meant to represent them talk like real people and not summarised BuzzFeed articles from the mid 10s 🤷🏽

[cemeterything]

Hey there Mr. Loveless! As a fellow chronic pain person, how do you deal with the fear that things might only get worse? I want to believe in the whole "it gets better" thing, but it's hard when I can't do things I used to be able to. Sending you all the best <3

i'm sorry i didn't answer this sooner; i needed time to think about my answer because i really wanted to say something meaningful and constructive. but i think i have it now.

i've been reading a lot about death and grief recently (there's a point to this, i promise) and coming to terms with accepting the inevitability that i will experience grief and loss, especially as i age (which is also inevitable). i feel that's something that can be applied to the experience of having a chronic pain condition as well. grief and frustration are inevitable, and it doesn't make you weak, nor is it the 'wrong way to handle' those feelings by being afraid that they'll get worse. it's okay to feel those things. it's important to let yourself acknowledge them, even though they hurt. there might be nothing you can do, and that's an upsetting thought no matter how optimistic you try to be, and no matter how much you love life and living despite everything. it's the kind of thing that can drive you to despair if you're not careful.

but i find that a good way to balance that out and acknowledge my disability whilst preventing a full-blow anxiety spiral is to ask myself what i can do for myself right now, in the present. the future is uncertain, and that's frightening, but right now is within my control and reach, and it's up to me to decide how to use it. to me, that makes the future feel less daunting, less of a looming spectre that prevents me from enjoying anything or being too afraid to participate. there's no point, to me, in "saving" my opportunities to experience life and avoid pursuing things i think will bring me satisfaction and fulfilment for a later date. it's not something i'll get any bonus points for at the end of the game if there's more unspent happiness in my inventory when it's over.

obviously i try to be sensible and know my limits so i don't complertely wreck myself and destroy any chance i have of experiencing a future at all, but sometimes you just have to say "fuck it, we ball" and do what you want regardless. it gets easier with practice. the fear is still there, and it always will be, but so is the knowledge that no matter what happens, i'll try to make the most of what i have for as long as i can. and i can live with that.

[swordsonnet]

anyway:

1. sex is literally just an activity that humans can do. it's not a prerequisite for being human, it's not something everyone needs or desires, and shaming people for how much or little sex they're having contributes to toxic attitudes around sexuality.

2. however, sex can be deeply meaningful in both positive and negative ways, so pressuring people into having sex when they don't want to/aren't ready for it is incredibly harmful.

3. i can't believe this needs to be said, but you can in fact be educated about sex without being sexually active yourself, and you can be deeply ignorant about sex despite having it ("but it feels better without a condom, and if i pull out in time nothing can happen!"). sex education is a thing for a reason, and last i heard, it didn't involve a practical component (aside from putting condoms on carrots, i guess). people being misinformed about sex and/or having puritan attitudes towards it aren't necessarily that way because they don't get laid - plenty of conservatives manage to produce children, after all.

4. there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. never. unless you don't want to be a virgin, in which case you still shouldn't be shamed for being one. whether you're asexual, you have trauma, you don't feel ready for it yet, you haven't met the right person yet, or you just don't want to: you shouldn't ever have to justify yourself for not having sex. it's your body, and you're the only one who gets to decide what is right for it. (there's this neat little thing called bodily autonomy, you see, which some people on here conveniently choose to ignore so they can dunk on other people's sex life.) "getting bitches" is not actually an indication of your worth as a person - not to mention the obvious misogyny in that rhetoric, which, yikes.

5. in a similar vein, it's not "sad" to not be sexually active. many people enjoy sex and consider it an important part of their lives, yes, but many people don't! your experiences are not universal. you don't get to tell others that respecting their bodies' needs is a tragedy just because you can't see beyond the narrow scope of your own life.

6. many people, especially those from marginalised groups, are targeted for their sexuality, that's true. and i understand that there's a certain power in defiantly reclaiming your sexual expression in the face of those oppressive forces, but that doesn't give you the right to attack others for expressing their own sexuality (or lack thereof). asexuals, and other people who don't have sex, aren't responsible for those norms, and are in fact harmed by them as well. the conservative ideal of sexuality is not total celibacy - it's having sex in a restrictive, "acceptable" context, and any deviance from that is punished.

7. let me be absolutely fucking clear here: shaming people for not having sex promotes rape culture. you either respect people's consent and bodily autonomy or you don't, and if you're ridiculing people for setting sexual boundaries (and yes, "i don't ever want to have sex" is a perfectly legitimate boundary), then you've clearly shown that you don't. is that really the side you want to be on?

#made the mistake of looking at the tags on a post about sex and was filled with a blinding rage that could only be released via #a slightly messy mini-essay typed entirely on my phone. you know how it is #asexual #ace #sexuality #rape mention #oh fuck my tea has gone cold

[boba-at-323]

Love Once Again...

Note: Renjun is literally an asshole in this I'm so sorry || I swore at Renjun WAY more than I should have || Thank you @jaehunnyy for beta reading this ! || I'm sorry if there were mistakes, I literally did not have the stamina to re read this ;-;

Playlist : One Last Time - Ariana Grande || Miss Me Too - Katherine Li || Love Me Now - NCT 127 || Urs - NIKI || Remember that night - Sara Kays || Time Lapse - Kim Taeyeon

You knew going to Haechan’s party was a bad idea, it always was. But you hadn’t thought it would be “bad” bad.

For the record, whenever Haechan – the most popular (and not to mention hottest) student on campus – threw parties at his place, they contrasted his whole “perfect” image. They were actually just a series of misfortunate events disguised as parties. From extreme, groundless fights breaking out of nowhere to stuff like sudden, random power outages; everything happened at his place on the day he had planned out some event. And even though everyone knew how cursed his parties were, they were still thrilled to hang out with him because after all, it was Haechan– who in their right mind would decline his invites? 

Although you witnessed all the damned episodes that took place at his house, you never minded them. Like all the others, you enjoyed crashing at his place whenever he asked you to join him. Even if you weren’t in the mood, it was obligatory for you to go since he was one of your oldest friends and fairly speaking, going to his party was better than hearing him rant and complain for weeks just because you didn’t show up. However, ignoring how everything usually took a miserable turn, you had to admit his parties were actually something no one should be missing out on. For a 22 year old, he was quite the host.

It was actually because of Haechan and his jinxed gatherings that you met the love of your life (or so you thought) –Huang Renjun from Psychology, who was also the same age as Haechan himself. In fact, Haechan was a friend whom you and Renjun shared. Even though you had seen Renjun around the college a fair amount of times, you never took any special notice of his existence.

It wasn’t until one night at Haechan’s place, you had seen Renjun standing awkwardly in a corner all by himself, literally embodying the standing-man emoji. You figured that he wasn’t much of a party person, feeling sympathy when your eyes locked with his lost ones. You hesitantly approached him but once you felt comfortable around him, the both of you ditched the party only to find yourself in a McDonald’s drive thru joking and giggling like mad. From that day onwards, you continued growing closer and closer until the day Renjun decided to end your said “friendship” and change it into something more…meaningful.

Haechan was over the moon when he found out that his best friend was dating his other best friend, leaving the both of you in utter shock when you found out that he had a bet with Na Jaemin from Sociology over how you both would make a perfect couple. And not missing the chance, he simply had to make arrangements for the celebration of the grand event as soon as he got time on his hands.

You had been very content with being labelled as Renjun’s girlfriend, proud even. And he could say the same for you. Your mind had created a whole time capsule with his name engraved on it, treasuring even the smallest memory of the moments you spent with him. From dancing together to whatever music was playing in your apartment to sharing secret kisses on the empty streets during rainy nights, he became the most important chapter in the book of your life. Whenever he looked at you with his twinkling, adoration–filled eyes or whenever he showed you that beautiful smile of his, you would fall for him all over again. He made your universe complete, he made you complete. You just couldn’t imagine your life without him, but apparently life could imagine you without him and that’s exactly what it did. 

With the crushing stress of the nearing finals on your shoulders, your irritation took over the best of you. So you decided that, before you hurt someone and had to live with the regret of it for the rest of your life, the safest option was to distance yourself only till the end of the exams which were about two months away. But something in the back of your mind was constantly bothering you – actually, it was worrying you.

Since Renjun had left the city for some upcoming event he had signed himself up for, you hadn’t heard from him for about three months now. You thought you were overthinking the whole situation but for someone who sent good morning / good night texts nearly everyday, you couldn’t help but feel like something awful was about to happen. Nevertheless, biting the unpleasant feeling back, you tried your best not to think about it too much. Ignoring the endless echoing of his name in your head, you continued to distract yourself with your studies. It wasn’t an easy task, but you had to manage.

A few weeks prior to your finals, a usual–midnight–studying session of yours was interrupted when you felt your phone vibrate from somewhere underneath the piled–up notes. Someone was calling. Who could be calling you at midnight? Confused, you searched for your phone. However, when you saw the caller ID, chills ran down your spine along with a feeling of an immediate rush of adrenaline throughout your body – it was Renjun. Nearly throwing off the books resting on your lap, you hurriedly picked the phone up as if a second’s delay would make the communication device disappear from your hands.

“Renjun?”, his name leaves your lips quicker than you could hold yourself back. 

What follows is complete deafening silence, your heart hammering against your chest wanting to escape before your tormenting thoughts come to reality. His timing was odd, but his lack of response was even peculiar. This wasn’t something you were used to. 

“Hey? Where have you been? It’s been really long...” you continued, trying to start up a conversion all while biting your lip in fear.

“Y/n, we need to talk.” 

That was all he said, no ‘hello’, no ‘how are you?’, no ‘I missed you’ – just a cold, hard ‘we need to talk’. His tone was unfamiliar, frigid – a tone which was foreign to you. It didn’t seem like you were talking to Renjun, your boyfriend. No, the person on the other end was just a stranger, someone you had never known. 

You chose to ignore the lump forming in your throat, but you couldn’t avoid the haze taking over your brain. According to all those books and dramas you had read and watched, those five words were never a good omen.

“Is–Is everything alright?” you gulped, mentally cursing at yourself for stuttering. 

You heard Renjun take a deep breath, preparing himself for the storm he was about to stir up. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to gather the courage to tell you something he had been thinking about for a quiet while now. The thought of doing his next step was easier than actually implementing it.

“Look…” His sigh was silent yet it said so much, “I–I don’t think this is working out.”

With his said words hitting you ears, you felt a throbbing pain in your head as everything went blank. Your throat and mouth went completely dry at his unexpected statement. The ground beneath your feet had been pulled away with your knees failing to keep themselves straight. You felt weak, sick even. Everything was happening so fast, so suddenly that your mind was refusing to accept the cruel reality. It wasn’t even making sense, he wasn’t making sense.

“Wh-what–”, that was all you managed to barely whisper. You hoped what you heard was wrong, hoped that the boy wasn't saying what you thought he was.

“I’m sorry y/n…” he broke the agonising silence again, “I think it’s best for the both of us to stop seeing each other.”

“Bu-But why– Wh-where is all of this co-coming from?” Before you knew it, tears were brimming in your eyes, your body felt tense yet weak at the same time. 

“Listen...” he mumbled, trying to end the call as soon as he could, as if he had been forced to break the news to you, “Just. Don’t try to contact me again. Goodbye, y/n.”

The following beeping noise which came from the inside of your phone tortured you as your senses went numb. Your brain wasn’t processing whatever the hell just happened. Thoughts tangled themselves up in your brain, how could he just– leave you like that? Without any explanation, without any reasoning… Did he expect you to just use your imagination? What was this, an open ending book? And why would someone so mindful like Renjun break up with you over a phone call like a coward?

Questions over questions piled themselves up and you tried to call him again and again, but it was of no use. He wasn’t picking up and your texts weren’t delivered because he had blocked you within a span of a few minutes. You sat on the ground defeated, as if the world had stopped spinning for you, as if there was no further purpose in life. 

Where did what go wrong? 

Whatever the reason for his outrageously baffling behaviour was– because of him, the months which followed were living hell for you.

After that miserable night, you completely shut yourself out. You avoided all your friends, even Haechan and his invites which were actually poor attempts to divert your attention once he found out what happened between you and Renjun.

The coming days, your phone blew up with notifications covering your lock screen. They were all from your friends who were worried as to why you weren’t showing up without a reason. It was only Haechan who you cried out to when he came over after calling you about a hundred times. It hurt him seeing you cut ties with everyone, but being completely honest, he would have too because if the similar had happened to him, he wouldn’t want to hang out with the people who would trigger the painful feeling which came along with those gut-wrenching memories. 

But something Haechan couldn’t get his head around was why the fuck would Renjun– someone so genuine and considerate– shatter someone’s heart without any explanation? Haechan never thought of him as someone who would go around playing with another person’s feelings, the type of people Haechan absolutely despised. Renjun was really unpredictable, but he never thought he’d turn out to be such a bastard.

The first month which followed had been the hardest month of your life. Thank to that stupid fucker, you barely passed your finals. And you knew that would happen because after that night, all you did was cry in your bed for hours over hours, repeating all the conversations you had with him over and over again, trying to figure out where everything went wrong. You wanted to scream with everything in you just at the mere thought of his name. You loved him more than you had loved anyone. How could he hurt you like that? 

With the second month’s arrival and after a lot of lecturing by Haechan, you finally stopped neglecting your mental health and decided to focus on yourself. Maybe he was right, maybe you overlooking your health wasn’t worth some idiotic player like Renjun. But even though you were trying to move on, you couldn’t bring yourself to stop thinking about him yet. Every night in bed, when your mind replayed a memory of yours with him, his stupidly pretty face caused tears to well up again. All you wished was for that disgusting feeling to leave you alone.

As the third month approached, you started contacting your friends again, but only the close ones. Since the finals were followed by prolonged holidays, it was a good opportunity for you to try to get him off your mind. Having your girls over for movies and stuff was what you actually needed a lot. Infact, their motivational words about how you were worth more than any man on the planet made you feel great about yourself. The feeling which usually came along with the mention of your ex’s name had slowly started to fade out, you were moving on and that was nice for a change. 

Finally, when the fourth month began, the you which had buried itself deep down came out of the hiding. You began hanging out with your friends more often and even decided to step outside for some sunlight and fresh air. All of this was just compensation for the emotional rollercoaster you rode for the past three months and, as your girls had convinced you, you were deserving of something much better. Thanks to them, you had nearly forgotten who Renjun was, which made them glad as they saw you live your life once again.

The fifth month was when you realised you had completely moved on because when one of your friends accidentally brought up the topic, you were surprisingly unfazed. His name held no meaning to you anymore. And what helped you even more was that you hadn’t seen him in college once it reopened. Everything was back to normal, you were back to normal. Once again, all your focus was on yourself, with a lesson learnt that no matter what happens, you should always be your top priority. 

That’s why when Haechan, as usual, proposed to you the idea of joining another party of his, you gladly accepted his offer. You never thought you would say this, but you actually missed the weirdly–lit rooms of his house accompanied with the sour-sweet smell of liquor filling the air. And besides, it was time to celebrate your freedom, something which you should have done a long time ago. 

On the night of the event, you put extra effort into getting ready. You bombarded all your girls with a variety of outfits to choose from, picking the one which got the most votes. Not only that, but you also spent nearly an hour on your makeup. You wanted to look your best, not for someone – but for yourself, as a reward for staying strong throughout your battle. 

Once you were ready, you scanned yourself in the mirror and looked for every single detail you put into your appearance. This was the first time in a while you had looked this good. Sure, you thought that you were overdoing it a little, but you were positive that you’d make people do a double take once they set their eyes on you. That’s when a stupid thought entered.

Maybe if he saw me toni–

However, the thought left as soon as it came. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath. 

No y/n, snap out of it…Do not think about that bastard. You’re better off without him.

A shake of the head was all it took to throw out any absurd ideas. Today was definitely not the day you were going to let your trauma get to you again. 

Even though you tried to maintain your composure, that one little thought shook your confidence to a somewhat extent. In the pit of your stomach, someplace hidden in your brain, deep down in your heart– you felt the uncertain feeling making its comeback.

“Wow…y/n,” Haechan welcomed you with a dazed smile, “You look stunning.”

“Hello to you too, Haechan,” You giggled at your own wits followed by his embarrassed reaction. 

Entering his house, you were greeted by the familiar scene. The whole building was vibrating along with every beat of the song which came out from the blasting speakers. The light was dim, yet you could figure out the silhouettes of all the people you knew. Most of them were on the dance floor hyping each other up , while the others were gathered around the refreshment tables. It also came to your notice that Haechan had installed a whole karaoke booth while you were going through your depressive episode. A lot had changed, still it was all the same. 

“Do you want me to stick around with you?” Haechan said out loud, his voice trying to suppress the blaring loudspeakers. 

“I think I’ll manage” You mimicked his tone.

“You sure?” his hand found its way to your shoulder, just for providing reassurance.

You replied with a nod and a hum which probably went unheard by him. Giving you a thumbs up, he made his way towards the entrance again so that he could greet the other guests who he had invited over. He was sure you’d do fine on your own, that was until he saw the first person who entered through the doorway.

At first he thought he was seeing things, but after staring for a few seconds, he figured that the guy who had just entered was really there. The sight of the boy’s face made Haechan’s blood boil, his brain refusing to function as range took over all his thoughts. Before he could stop himself, he was already storming towards the boy in context. 

“Huang Renjun,” Haechan’s emotions acted faster than his rationality, and he grabbed the other by his collar, shoving him into the wall behind him, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Let me go, Haechan–” Renjun struggled as he tried to slip out of Haechan’s grip, which was a bit too strong, “I’m here to talk.”

“Oh, yeah?” Haechan released his hold with a push, which caused Renjun to nearly fall because of the sudden pressure, “Renjun, I don’t think any of us have time for your stupid games. You think you can play with someone's fucking heart and then disappear only to come back one day just to ‘talk’? You need to fuck off and find some other source of entertainment. I don’t even want to breathe the same air as you after what you did.” 

“Listen, I’m aware that I’ve been an asshole, but-” Renjun’s excuse of an explanation was cut off by Haechan.

“Asshole is an understatement,” Haechan remarked with a click of his tongue and a tilt of his head, his gaze had never been this dangerous. The usually cool and calm Haechan had disappeared, transforming into something which scared the boy in front of him. 

“Haechan, hear me out. I know that I’ve been a complete fucking idiot and I’m not worthy of forgiveness, but I really, really need to see her.” 

“Oh there is no fucking way I am letting you near her.” Haechan let out a bitter chuckle. He couldn’t believe the nerve Renjun had. Unbelievable to him that how, after hiding himself for nearly a year, he was standing in front of him. And not only that, he was also expecting to see someone who ran a lap around hell and back, just because of him, “Have you lost your fucking mind or something? Oh wait– You didn’t even have one to begin with.”

“I beg you Haechan,” Renjun pleaded, “I need to set things right. Why did you think I left her? I was scared. I never once stopped loving her, but when I left I knew I wouldn’t ever be able to make her happy… I knew I wouldn’t be able to give her what she deserved, I knew she’d suffer because of me. And that’s– that’s why before I could hurt her, I thought ending everything would be better for the both of us. Clearly, it was the biggest mistake of my life.” 

Haechan scoffed in disbelief, “Hell yes it was. And what did you think? Breaking up with her would make her feel amazing? Did you think she would do fucking fine? Huang, thanks to you, she completely shut herself out. She cried for days and days, I had never seen her this miserable, you fucking coward. And now that she’s finally moved on, you decide to show up again, make her pathetic again? Get a life Renjun.” 

Renjun’s hand found his way in his hair, a habit of his whenever he felt frustrated, “Haechan please, let me see her. I promise you I won’t hurt her this time. In fact if she wants, I won’t ever come into either of your lives again. I’ll move to another city. But please let me talk to her alone. Just once.”

Looking at him, Haechan saw the sincerity in his eyes. He had known Renjun long enough to know when he was being genuine, when he actually meant what he was saying. Maybe he should let him see y/n once, but what made him hesitate was the thought of y/n’s pitiful breakdown. What if seeing Renjun cut open her hardly–healed wounds again? But in spite of that, she deserved to know the truth… because it seemed like Renjun wasn’t going to leave until he had settled things.

Sorting out his thoughts, he stepped closer. With a finger pointed towards Renjun’s chest, he granted him access. “Fine, I’ll let you see her once. But if you fucking mess this up again…Huang Renjun, I swear I’ll make you regret coming here in the first place.”

Clearing the way for Renjun, Haechan prayed for everything to turn out fine. He was usually optimistic, but what worried him was that they were at his party, and if everything was going with the natural flow, something was bound to take a wrong turn. 

You stood at the refreshment table with a girl called Lee Chaeyoung, who had been complaining about how the other girls in her group had decided to show up wearing outfits completely different then her’s, even though they had decided on a theme. It was nice to talk to new people, though you felt like your social skills had nearly died out. 

“Oh, there they are!” She continued excitedly as she pointed towards a few other girls waving at the both of you, “I’ll get going now. Feel free to join us though!”

You gave her a warm smile before returning to what was displayed on the outstretched table. As you were deciding on what you should try next, you heard a voice you thought you would never get to hear again. 

“Y/n?”

It can’t be…no please no…

You already knew who it was, but you didn’t have the courage to face the owner of the voice.  The nasty feeling was back. Five months of convincing yourself that you had moved on ended up at nothing. All the efforts from you and your friends went to waste. Everything was back at square one. You wished that the ground cracked open and devoured you whole, anything was better than facing the person who was calling you.

“Can we talk?” 

Collecting every single bit of strength remaining in your body, you turned around to meet him face to face. 

You swore you choked on the air you took in. You couldn't see him well, but the way his hair fell gracefully over his forehead, the way his skin shone even in the dark, you knew he was still the same divine boy you had fallen in love with. But the pain he caused you… how could you forget.

“Why are you here Renjun?” The question left your lips stern as it should have been, your eyes never meeting his ones. 

“I need to talk to you, please.” 

His emphasis on the last word was enough to tell you that he was desperate, but all your trust in him had faded away the night he ended things. Why was he back, why was he scarring you again… nearing his heavenly voice made you want to fall on the ground and start crying right on the spot. Just when you thought you were over, he came back to torture you even more than he had before.

“Why should I? After what you did, I never even want to see you again, Huang.” You finally brought yourself to look at him directly in the eyes, noticing how desolation resided in them. Yet, you didn’t want to feel even a drop of empathy for him, he wasn’t worth any of your feelings.

“Y/n, I swear I won’t make it long.” Renjun took a small step closer to you, but you backed away. 

Your action hurt him deeply, making him want to disappear off the surface of the earth. Since the day he broke up, this was the most foolish and shameful he felt. 

“I know you don’t trust me anymore, but you do believe Haechan, right? He said I could talk to you only for a while.” He bit his lower lip, “Look… I know you hate me, you have all the right to. But for heaven’s sake, just listen to me. I’ll leave as soon as I’m done, you have my word. ”

Something which you learned about Renjun over the period you dated was that he really was true to his word. Never once could you remember him breaking a promise. It was true that you had trust issues with him, but if Haechan – who shuddered everytime Renjun was mentioned – had given him permission to see you, it must have been something worth your time. 

After reluctantly agreeing to listen to whatever he had to say, you followed him out of the crowded room. But as you left, you scanned around hoping to find any sign of Haechan, the only person who could save you from this situation, but the boy wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Failing at your terrible attempt at finding Haechan, you only prayed that the moment would come to an end soon, you just weren’t ready to go through another series of a mental breakdown.

“Well? I don’t have all day, Renjun”, you spat once you were in one of the empty rooms of Haechan’s house. 

Although you seemed rigid, all of it was pretend. You were weak once again as his full face came into view. He was as beautiful as ever, maybe even more breathtaking since it had been so long since you last saw him. Even though his charm remained, you could tell he hadn’t been doing well, or so the dark circles under his eyes said. But why was he suffering when it was him who broke up in the first place? Or maybe it was just because of how ‘busy’ his life was, so engaging that he had no time for love, for you.

“I–I don’t know where to begin–” His head hung low, as he fiddled with his fingers.

“You’d better make it quick and not waste my time.” you crossed your arms in front of your chest, looking in any direction but his. 

“I’m just here to say sorry and–” he was yet again, interrupted because his words made you lose your cool. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” you snap, finally looking at him whose eyes were still glued to the ground, “You think saying sorry is going to solve everything? You think I’ll forgive you? Renjun please… This isn’t funny. You’ve hurt me before and you’re hurting me again. I don’t want to go through everything I went through again.” 

“No y/n, never. I don’t want to cause you any more pain.” 

An irritated groan escapes your lips at how stupid he sounded, “What do you even know? You were the one who ended everything without any reasoning, Renjun. I’m sure you have many more toys, go play with them instead. Let me live, please”

“I never left you for anyone. Neither did I ever move on.” His eyes met yours at last. 

Renjun felt like his heart was going to explode. Even after trying to avoid you so much, he had to give in. You looked heavenly, even prettier than the photos he kept on looking at for the past months. He was aware that he was maybe the biggest failure in the world to let go of a goddess like the one in front of him. He wanted to disappear into thin air after facing you. Even if he fell to his knees and begged for your forgiveness, he would never be worthy of it. 

“What the fuck.” The sentence slipped out before you could think about it, “Look, I really don’t have time for your ga-” This time, you were the one who got cut off.

“Hear me out, will you?” He took a step closer, making your back hit the wall behind. He was close, way too close. And your stupid heart wasn’t supposed to be beating so fast. 

“I-I was scared of loving you, I was scared of not being enough. And you know what? Haechan was right, you’re right. I am a fucking coward… I put myself before you. If I really did love you, I would’ve tried to devote myself to our relationship, save it from crumbling. But no, instead I decided to chicken out and ended up hurting you, something I was trying to save you from.” 

You knew Renjun was a sensitive, emotional boy but for the first time in your life, you had seen actual tears in his eyes. If the words leaving his mouth and the thoughts which were going on in his head had made him cry, then he really meant them. Fuck your disgustingly soft heart, you swore you would never feel bad for him but seeing him cry made you pity him. Somewhere in your heart, you still felt the same love for him, even if it was the slightest. 

“R-renjun…”

“No y/n. I know no matter how many times I apologise, it is never going to be enough. But since the day I left you, you’ve been the only thought on my mind. Whenever I saw our pictures, your smile set my heart on fire. But everything became worse afterwards, I could hear your laugh echoing around me, I could smell your lingering scent on my clothes, I spent hours thinking about the fucking mess I had created…”

Tears were streaming down his face but it seemed like he took no notice. All he wanted was to win you back, to hold you in his arms once again, to call you his, to make you look at him the way you did before, even if it did seem impossible. But to your surprise, your own eyes were filled with tears. Why? Because that was exactly what you had experienced. 

“And I know we can’t go back to how it was,” he continued to lean in closer, so close that you could see the tear droplets decorating his eyes, “But please, give me one last chance. A last try to prove myself, Ito make everything fine…”

His face was only an inch away from yours as his teary eyes looked into your glossy ones. His hand pressed softly against your cheek, head tilted slightly. The both of you knew where this was headed, and something in you just had to give in to him. Cursing yourself for going with the flow, you felt yourself lean into his touch.

“Because I still love you.” 

The ghost of a gap which stood there was closed by Renjun, replaced by the feeling of his lips pressed against yours. As if on cue, your hands found their way around his neck, fingers tangling themselves in his hair as an attempt to pull him even closer. You were almost shocked at how you were kissing him back in no time, you didn’t know you were this hungry for his touch.

Renjun’s other hand fell to your waist, sealing any space which remained between you. You missed how his lips felt against yours, how his touch would send jolts down your spine. Your lips continued to dance with his, breaking away shortly only to catch your breath. You thought it was going to feel wrong, but seeing the way your body reacted, everything was more than right.

He was back again, with an honest explanation and it seemed like he had learnt his lesson as well. You thought you would never forgive him, but he was determined to set things right between the two of you. Maybe you could let him start things over again, maybe you could give him one last try again. Afterall, everyone deserves a second chance.

“You asshole,” a slightly–dazed smile was painted on your lips as you pulled away, “You’re lucky Haechan isn’t here otherwise he would have snapped your head off.” 

“Thank you, y/n” His forehead rested against yours, eyes closed as he settled in the long–lost feeling “Thank you for trusting me again. I swear I’ll do my best this time, I’ll make us work. I love you so, so much, I’m never letting you go again.” 

“You’d better not, otherwise…” You motioned your thumb sliding horizontally against your neck, receiving a light-hearted laugh from him in reply. His beautiful voice hitting your ears was nostalgia, making you feel fuzzy again. 

“Deal.” He placed a gentle peck on your nose. 

The feeling forming in your gut told you that this time, he wasn’t going to let you down. Perhaps he wasn’t that bad of a human, perhaps all he needed was to face his fears. You figured that he was your first love and you could never be completely over him, even if he had messed with your brain and your heart. You still loved him, and it was good enough to know that he had never stopped loving you either. 

Maybe going to Haechan’s party wasn’t so bad afterall.

Title : Love Once Again || Word count: 5.594K || Genre: MAJOR angst, minor fluff, Lowkey suggestive?|| Pairing: ex! Renjun x Fem!Reader

Tagging : @armysantiny @mosviqu and @koishua

#wc: 5.594k #huang renjun #renjun #renjun fluff #renjun angst #renjun smut #renjun suggestive #renjun fanfic #renjun fic #nct fanfic #nct fic #nct x reader #renjun x y/n #renjun x reader #renjun x you #nct x you #nct x y/n #nct dream #nct dream x you #nct dream x reader #nct dream smut #nct dream suggestive #nct dream x y/n #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #nct dream fanfic #nct dream scenarios #nct smut #nct fluff #nct angst

[dbnightingale24]

Wounded Dog, New Tricks

Part 2 to ‘Pavlov’s Dog’

Okay, I meant to post this a lot earlier, but ya know how life is. It never stops moving. Anywho, I’m almost done with this chapter, so I figured it’s time for a sneak peek! It hasn’t been edited all that much, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes that  I’m sure there are. I hope you all enjoy!

Warnings: SMUT (Minors DNI, 18+ ONLY), swearing, Daddy Kink, Heartbreak/Angst, Fingering, Implied Oral Sex, Fluff, Small Mention of Past Abuse...I think that’s it?

Word Count: 2544

~~

Fucking is a lot easier than forgiving.

When you woke up the next day, he was gone and if it hadn’t been for the ache between your thighs (and in your ass), you would’ve been able to pretend it was all a dream. You wanted to text him and ask him to come over so you could talk, but talk about what? You hadn’t come to a decision, you weren’t sure that you’d forgiven him, and another round of sex wouldn’t do either of you any good.

But you missed him. You missed him so much.

So, when he FaceTimed you that night, you answered. It wasn’t a deep and meaningful conversation, but it helped to kill the loneliness...for the most part. From then on, you two talked on the phone and FaceTimed every other night. Sometimes they ended with heavy breathing and him begging you to let him over, but you didn’t cave. Other times, you stayed on the phone with him until you fell asleep. Sometimes you’d wake up and the call or FaceTime would still be going on, and it made you feel so much less alone.

You keep telling yourself that taking Ransom back isn’t the worst thing in the world, but you also know it’s bullshit. Yes, you do love him, but he hurt you. He lied and decided to keep important information from you, so that he could get his way. You’d given him the benefit of the doubt before and for what? What did you get from it? A broken heart? You second guessing everything you did?

What happens if you trust him again? You already know his parents hate you (mainly Linda because she’s now dealing with another family scandal), your parents hate him, you’ll second guess every word that comes out of his mouth, and you know the stares will be constant. You cheated with Ransom and, according to Daisy, people have pieced everything together. To make the situation worse, Jack is singing his little sad song to anyone who will listen. It doesn’t seem to matter that he cheated first, long before you even started to catch on. Ransom and Jack were supposed to be best friends, and you’re the reason they aren’t anymore.

So many reason to say no and start over, but it’s not enough for you to actually do it.

Obviously, the whole thing wasn’t traditional and romantic, but you were truly happy. Ransom makes you laugh, makes you feel seen and heard, he loves you, you feel safe with him, your heart rate still speeds up at just the thought of him, every part of you yearns for him in the most desperate and pathetic ways, and the only time you don’t feel alone is when he’s by your side.

The man also always sends into the most mind-numbing blissed out state every time you two make love.

It’s all so heartbreaking and confusing, and you wish there was an easy answer, but you know there can’t be. If you take him back, you’ll live in a constant state of anxiety. If you move on without him, you know that no one will ever be able to fill the void that’s in your heart now.

To make matters worse, it’s raining and it’s only making you want Ransom even more. You can’t stop your brain from going back to the last time you two spent a rainy day together, and small sad smile comes to your face.

“Come back to bed,” Ransom whined as you made your way out of the bathroom and back into his bedroom.

“I have to go,” you laughed softly, “I’ve been here all day.”

“So there’s no reason you can’t stay all night.”

“Ransom-”

“Come here,” he demanded gently while a devilish grin tugged on his lips.

You didn’t even think of disobeying him, because your body was always on autopilot when it came to him. You crawled onto the bed and made your way over to him slowly, loving the desire and happiness that burned in his eyes, and didn’t stop until you were straddling him.

“Take your shirt off,” he instructed as his hands ghosted over your bare thighs.

His eyes followed your every move, and it made your heart swell to see him so enamoured and obsessed with you. He’d seen you naked a handful of times, but it didn’t seem to phase him. To him, your beauty was something that would always take his breath away.

“Are you happy?” he asked as his hands traveled over your frame. “You seem happy.”

“I’m really happy, baby.”

“I wanna take you away again.”

“Ransom-”

“I miss having you all to myself. I like having you all to myself.”

“I do too, baby.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too.”

“Stay. Please just stay with me. We can do whatever you want,” he offered as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “You wanna watch some cartoon? We can do that. You wanna make love for the rest of the day? We can do that too. Eat junk, sit in silence, play board games, literally anything you want. Just stay here.”

“I’m sure you can find someone else to fill your time.”

“You know there’s no one else. There’s only you.”

“Ransom-”

“Sweet Thing, you want to be here, so just be here.”

“I have to go back at some point.”

“No you don’t,” he scowled, “but, if you must, leave tomorrow. Today is the perfect day for us to be together.”

“What do you wanna do?”

“I wanna keep making you happy. I love making you happy,” he smirked as he started to rub your clit.

“Ransom!”

“You wanna watch a movie, baby?”

“I just wanna stay with you!”

“I want you to stay with me forever, Sweet Thing.”

“Oh God! Ransom!”

“So fucking beautiful,” he cooed as he quickened his pace.

“It feels...Ransom! It’s too much!”

“You already know that you can do whatever you want, Sweet Thing,” he smirked as he easily sunk two fingers into your desperate pussy.    

“RANSOM!”

“Tell me you’ll stay,” he begged desperately.

“Pl...please!”

“Not until you tell me that you’ll stay, Sweet Thing.”

“Fuck! I’ll stay! I’ll stay for as long as you want!”

“Careful, Sweet Thing,” he smirked, “you’re gonna end up staying forever.”

“Ransom!”

“Cum for me, sweet angel. You always look so fucking beautiful when you do.”

“Fuck, I love you so much!” you whimpered as you coated his fingers and his wrist. “Such a fucking bully,” you breathed after a moment and he chuckled.

“I only use my magic powers when you’re being stubborn,” he smirked as he pulled you close and kissed you passionately. “What do you wanna do?” he questioned while removing his fingers from your cunt, placing them between both your lips and his.

“Well, right now, I want you to use me up until you’re satisfied,” you whispered before licking his fingers with the tip of your tongue, “then I want us to make lunch and watch movies.”

“All of that is doable,” he promised as he shoved his fingers in your mouth.

You two spent what felt like forever underneath the covers, getting lost in one another, before finally getting out of bed and showering together.

“Ransom, do you ever go grocery shopping?” you laughed, looking in his fridge for anything to make.

“I mean, I send someone to go grocery shopping, but I’ve been slacking,” he admitted as he grabbed two glasses from the cabinet.

“And why is that...babe, these apples should’ve been thrown out weeks ago,” you laughed, taking them out and placing them on the counter.

“If you’re not here, there’s not really much of a reason for me to cook.”

“You can’t just order out all the time, honey. You have to take care of yourself.”

“I just...it doesn’t matter.”

“Talk to me, babe. What’s on your mind?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Why are you shutting me out?”

“I’m not, it’s just...its never mattered before, so why should it matter now?”

“Because I love you and I want to be there for you like you are with me.”

“That’s why you’re still with Jack?”

“Ransom.”

“I’m sorry...really, I am. That was a low blow...it doesn’t matter.”

“Baby,” you sighed, making your way over to him and wrapped your arms around his waist, “let me in. Talk to me.”

“I just don’t see the fucking point,” he scowled, turning his head away from you. “I’m not trying to guilt trip you, but without you, what’s the point? What’s the point of any of this?”

“Ransom-”

“No one cares, except for you. No one checks in, no one calls to see if I’m okay, no one really gives a fuck whether I’m stable or not unless they want something from me, my family always expect the worst of me, because all of us are terrible people...what’s the point? Without you, what is the point?”

“My sweet, sweet love,” you cooed as you cupped his face, “you live for you, not them. It doesn’t matter how they view you, it only matters how you view yourself.” “We both know I’m not worth saving.”

“I don’t.”

“Y/N-”

“I love you, Ransom. I love you so much that it terrifies me. It’s not lost on me what you’re capable of, but you let me in. You let me see the parts of you that hide from everyone else. The parts that you’re scared of everyone else seeing. Yeah, your family sucks, but you’re not them. You don’t have to keep acting the way they expect you to.”

I’ll make something of myself and then what? Make them proud? Make myself something else for them to make a profit off of?”

“Like I said before: you live for you, not them.”

“I live for you.”

“You can’t make me your whole world.”

“You can’t make me your whole world, Ransom.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that you are.”

“What would you do if I do if I didn’t love you?”

“The same shit I’ve been doing,” he laughed humorlessly.

“That’s no way to live, Hugh.”

“Because there’s so much more to live for?”

“Live a life you’re proud of. No matter what your family says or does, no matter what you’ve done in your past, live a life you’re proud of.”

“Are you proud of me?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t. It’s not about me though, it’s about-”

“Its always been about you, Sweet Thing. From the moment I laid eyes on you...its always been about you.”

“I love you, Ransom.”

“I love you, Y/N,” he smiled before he dipped down to kiss you.

You ended up having groceries delivered to his house, and you both cooked together in a happy silence. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you as danced around the kitchen in his white button up, and were obsessed with every kiss he surprises you with.

You made chicken and rice quesadillas, and ate them while sitting on the kitchen floor with him. Yes, he objected to it, but you were more than happy to remind him that it’s okay to not be prim and proper all the damn time. It’s perfectly fine to let your hair down every once in a while.

“You have to pick a movie,” you laughed before you took a bite of your last quesadilla slice.

“You’re the one who suggested watching a movie!”

“Yeah, but I didn’t suggest me making the choice!”

“I think you’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met,” he smiled, his emerald green blossomed in excitement as you burst out laughing.

“Pick a movie!”

“I don’t know! I guess...’Casablanca’.”

“You don’t even like that movie!”

“How about...’The Nightmare Before Christmas’?”

“You hate that movie!”

“But its one of your favorites,” he smiled at you.

“Ransom-”

“I love what you love.”

“Does the mean you’re finally gonna love yourself?”

“Don’t be annoying,” he warned with a glare.

“Love yourself as much as you love me.”

“That’s not physically possible, even I was in a good head space. The way that I love you...the amount that you love me...I could never love myself that much.”

“Is it sad that I feel the same way?”

“I think it speaks to how much we need each other,” he smiled towards you.

You spent the entire movie in his lap, with him holding you close and pressing soft kisses into your hair. Afterwords, you both just talked for hours about everything. His childhood, your childhood, past traumas, past relationships, what you both love each other, and you’re reservations about starting a relationship (you more than him). At the end of the night, Ransom decided he wanted to finish off the night with his head between your legs, which of course led to an all night love making session, that resulted in you sleeping in. A small smile coming to your face when you woke up in his arms, while he was in the middle of a business call.

The whole thing felt like a dream.

Fast forward to now, where all you want to do is ask Ransom to come over, but you know it’ll only make things worse. Ransom has begging you to let him come and see you for the last two weeks, but you can’t trust or control yourself around him, so you tell him no. You see it every night in his eyes when you two FaceTime, but this is the only solution that works for now.

With a heavy sigh, you get up off the sofa, and decide that food will be your way out of your misery. You’re almost at your kitchen when you hear a rather hard knock on your door. You stand there for a moment, contemplating letting whoever it is, before another rapid knock has you scowling in sheer irritation and making your way to your front door.

You should’ve ignored it.

“Jesus, what do you want?” you mutter once the open door reveals a pretty wet Jack.

“Hello to you too.”

“Jack, I’m really not in the mood today, so please-”

“So you’ll take Drysdale back, but you won’t even hear me out?”

“I haven’t taken anyone back-”

“Marta was crying at the bar to one of her friends about how she came over to talk to him about the company, and you were wrapped in a blanket and he was naked.”

“We had sex, Jack. That’s all. I’m very much single and not seeing anyone. Not like it’s any of your business.”

“I just wanna talk, Y/N. I’m not here to argue or raise hell. I just wanna talk, because we never actually got a chance to. If you can hear Drysdale out, you can hear me out.”

“Ransom didn’t beat the shit out of me.”

“You know I’m sorry about that.”

“And the lies you’ve been spreading about me?”

“If you’ll just let me explain myself....please,” he begs pathetically.

It’s not like he deserves it, but you do have questions of your own.

“The moment I feel uncomfortable or fed up, you’re out of here,” you sigh as you step aside.

“I just wanna talk, I promise,” he tells you as he makes his way inside.

~~

taglist: @fuckingbye​, @maroonsunrise83​, @autumnrose40​, @whxre4cevans​, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @companionjones​, @pono-pura-vida​, @mazda098​, @nomadstucky​, @chemtrails-club​, @mystic06, @behindthesehazeleyes27​, @mjey12, @emerald-evans​

#Ransom #ransom x reader #ransom thrombey smut #hugh ransom drysdale smut #Hugh Drysdale #hugh ransom drysdale #hugh drysdale x reader #hugh ransom drysdale x reader #ransom smut #Knives Out #knives out smut #knives out fanfiction #knives out fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic #chris evans characters #ransom x you #ransom x y/n #ransom hugh drysdale #Hugh Drysdale Fluff #Hugh Drysdale x y/n

[thirst2]

There's a Tumblr post out there, somewhere, that I spotted a few days ago that (rightly) points out, for a piece of modern art that was said to be trivial (visually, just a square of solid, painted color), that the point of the piece is in the technique used and that the shade was, heretofore, nonexistent.

In spite of this (in my opinion, fair) justification of the piece, people found apparent snobbery that the artists cared about the particular shade of the blue or that anyone should be unimpressed with what's pretty singularly an exhibit of technique.

In which case…you just don't care about the art or artist. And I don't mean this in a "You're so cruel and look down on the poor, defenseless creator". I mean, – if you really think about it – you've just dismissed the entirety of what goes into the creation of the art.

Progress and development of advances in the field depend on these things; they're not unimportant or irrelevant. You may not like the means by which it's talked about but you can't just not care about it, itself.

And this is routine, right? The same thing was levied towards post-modern writers, as well; "what's the point of writing something that purposefully has no plot? That could have gone towards a meaningful story, instead".

The insinuation that the pieces of the craft – the intricacies – aren't important or, rather, that the average person needn't care. That's not their job, after all: their job is to just derive meaning from and enjoy the final product.

Because, when you don't care about the how or the why, it becomes much more easy to focus on the other surrounding details: like what is the price, regardless of how it was made (e.g. slave labor); does it just work, regardless of how many groups know how it works and whether that number of groups is simply 1 (e.g. monopoly).

Capitalism thrives when we don't care about anything other than the final result; when we're ignorant of the parameters, it becomes so much more easy (for the Capitalist) to have our solutions come in black boxes.

And this doesn't just apply to the arts; I love my field and I love programming and it is like pulling teeth to get anyone even willing to listen to the details of any of it, routinely. And that has real consequences in trying to discuss things like the Right to Repair; because, if people don't know the details of their devices, it becomes so much more easy to just sell them a whole new one. And, rather than growing fond of a phone you've had for – say – 2 decades and that you've lovingly repaired when bits broke so that – even though you've ship-of-Theseused it twice over, by now – you still have this great fondness for its help over the last 20 years, you – instead – have a much more reduced attachment because, when your phone breaks, you just have to get a whole new one (and give them much more money, much more frequently).

While I'm, perpetually, not an anarchist, there's a reason anarchists foster a DIY culture: because it connects you back to the craft in a way Capitalism tries to isolate. When you build something yourself and have to focus on the details of how the thing is even done, you care; it's more meaningful and, notably, it connects you to community and others (which, again, defeats the isolation that Capitalism seeks so that it can be the only answer to trying to solve your problems (including many new problems, now (caused by Capitalism))). There are entire communities around coming up with solutions to fix older hardware and getting Linux installed on older systems; much of the help newer people receive when getting into the fiber arts come from other enthusiasts. And never forget that quilting was often a social event, even capable of being constructed (before the sewing machine) because groups of women came together to work on it – again, as a group.

And Capitalism could charge a fee to help you solve these issues but it'll always (possibly) be a loss of money when you can just go and (possibly) ask your neighbor: better to cut out that possibility, entirely.

And I'm not saying that this information hasn't been, in some form or at some time (including currently), gatekept: but we cannot forget that forced scarcity is always a form of Capitalism, as well (or, at least, something which benefits Capitalism). Making schooling prohibitively expensive and exclusive, keeping enjoyment of the arts to particular social classes – these are still tools to concentrate wealth in certain pockets.

That doesn't mean that the skill itself is irrelevant or unimportant. There is so much effort (often hobbyist and unpaid!) into making things accessible to more people. Many Linux distributions (entire operating systems and software, entirely for free) are sustained by just communities of enthusiasts. Again, many fiber arts communities, providing expertise and recommendations and help and (free!) designs and patterns.

We mustn't confuse our disdain for a system (e.g. the exclusivity of high art) with disdain for a product of that system (e.g. modern art). Anti-intellectualism is a scourge and fascists and authoritarians love it for the same reason Capitalism loves isolation: when you don't have the knowledge of the thing and can't see the full picture – when you can't solve it yourself –, it becomes easier for others to offer up solutions for your very real problems and pains. And why wouldn't you take them? The problem is pressing and you need the problem to go away and you can't solve it yourself.

"Don't worry about how it is produced; I can provide it, or the solution to it, for you."

#Rant #Capitalism #Anarchism #Art #Linux #Modern Art #Writing #Fiber Art #Antiintellectualism #Right to Repair

[desaturatedd]

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄 ! ( a  collection  of  dialogue sentence  starters  by elmer c . albatross from baccano ! )

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟓: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄

❛ c'mon and smile. ❜

❛ guess i didn't even need to check; you look fine. ❜

❛ when you're panicking, for starters, it's better to smile. smiling will cool your head. ❜

❛ if you can smile, that means you're still at least a little human. ❜

❛ no matter how small the possibility is, i want to try. ❜

❛ i think it's important to respect the dead — but they don't really interest me. ❜

❛ i doubt my whole body could express this joy with anything less than an explosion. ❜

❛ you may think you've got me cornered, but think again! ❜

❛ why do you sound all grown-up all of a sudden? ❜

❛ smiles are the highest of all human emotions! ❜

❛ you're a pretty good guy yourself, so relax and just live. ❜

❛ if you're going to get all worked up over not being good, why not just be good? ❜

❛ people can change, too. ❜

❛ if it'll make you smile, i'll do anything to help. ❜

❛ there are no limits to recklessness! everything that goes beyond its own limits is reckless. ❜

❛ for the sake of a happy ending, i'd sell everyone in the world to the devil without a second thought. ❜

❛ if someone's died a meaningful death, i'll applaud them. ❜

❛ being unhappy isn't a crime, but not seeking happiness is. ❜

❛ lots of people die never even knowing the word hope. but you know about hope. denying that is an insult to your life. ❜

❛ i'll teach you. i'll show you, alright? i'll teach you, i swear, no matter how many years it takes.❜

❛ smiles give me strength. ❜

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟏𝟏: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐈𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐂 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀

❛ if i stay here any longer, you won't be happy. you'll just get annoyed. ❜

❛ the thing is, i've lost my way. ❜

❛ you should smile more when you hit people. ❜

❛ people generally enjoy looking down on others. ❜

❛ even if you're fine with that, i'm not. ❜

❛ it doesn't matter whether i die or not, though. ❜

❛ is there anyone who'll be sad if you die? ❜

❛ oh good. you'll be able to die happy, then. ���

❛ if you've forgotten how to smile, i'll teach you. ❜

❛ as long as you're alive, you can get through just about anything. ❜

❛ i promise, no matter what i learn about people's pasts, i won't blab about it. ❜

❛ if you're warning me, that means you're worried about me. ❜

❛ because i want to see everybody smile. ❜

❛ ignorance isn't a crime, but i don't want someone to be unhappy because i used it as an excuse. ❜

❛ what do you suppose i'd have to do to make everyone in the world happy? ❜

❛ i think choices are a fundamental part of human happiness. ❜

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟏𝟑: 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐒𝐀𝐁𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐇

❛ i did listen. and then i ignored you. ❜

❛ can't get away with anything around you, huh? ❜

❛ hey, what happens if it summons something? ❜

❛ i'm going even if it is a trap. ❜

❛ i do want to see ____ again; it's been so long. ❜

❛ we've known each other for _____ years, but we've never fought. ❜

❛ he may not look it, but he likes to make a dramatic entrance. ❜

❛ well, it isn't as if i didn't expect that. ❜

❛ if i could use real magic and started casting my spells everywhere, i bet i'd upset people from all sorts of religions. ❜

❛ hi there. we haven't met before... i don't think? ❜

❛ actually, just between us, i'm older than i look. ❜

❛ whoops. you're busy, and here i've been chatting about nothing at all. i'm sorry. ❜

❛ i think you'll find happiness someday. ❜

❛ every smile you've shown me has been fake. ❜

❛ show _____ how cool you are once in a while. ❜

❛ let's go with not killing them. ❜

❛ i could wish you happiness, but you're happy already. ❜

❛ he couldn't stand me, for some reason. ❜

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟏𝟒: 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐊 𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐑𝐎𝐀𝐃

❛ i think it's a terrific plan that will leave us all smiling! ❜

❛ if there's an accident, more people might survive with one more capable body. ❜

❛ you may not believe me, but... the thing is, i'm not human. ❜

❛ i wonder if these people had families. ❜

❛ how can we help their loved ones recover from their deaths as quickly as possible? ❜

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟏𝟓: 𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐆

❛ your sheep's clothing never ceases to amaze me. ❜

❛ all's well that ends well! ❜

❛ fake smiles are no good. ❜

❛ are you jealous of me? ❜

❛ none of you know anything about my past. ❜

❛ i'll tell you about it, if you ask me. ❜

❛ wanna go sneak in? it'll be fun, i'm sure! ❜

❛ i figured it'd be faster to check into it on my own. ❜

❛ we can just pretend we didn't see it and forget all about it, right? ❜

❛ right now, your smile stopped being real. ❜

❛ you're being remarkably honest. ❜

❛ you almost never show your true self to anyone. ❜

❛ i know what your own eyes can't tell you, obviously. ❜

❛ you're incredible! i bet you're a genius! ❜

❛ what matters is whether you trust _____ or not. ❜

❛ do you believe they'd betray you? ❜

❛ a person who wants to destroy the world shouldn't be talking about peace. ❜

❛ you really shouldn't trust someone like me! you'd better be careful! ❜

❛ well done! it's so helpful how quick you are! ❜

❛ you're asking the wrong person. ❜

❛ hi there. i came over to spend time with you. ❜

❛ i didn't come to laugh at you, i came to make you laugh. ❜

❛ everyone has an equal right to smile. ❜

❛ you don't need to forgive them. ❜

❛ if i'm funny, then laugh. ❜

❛ i played a little trick on him. ❜

❛ i never thought they'd actually fall for that. ❜

❛ wow, am i glad to see someone i know! ❜

❛ walking alone at night really does make you nervous, doesn't it? ❜

❛ relax and smile, please. ❜

❛ are you alright? you don't look so great. ❜

❛ your friend grew while you weren't looking. ❜

❛ people change. maybe they turned into somebody different when you weren't paying attention, but that doesn't mean you have to be sad. ❜

❛ don't be so pessimistic about everything. ❜

❛ that's all you ever had to say, you know. that's enough for me. ❜

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟏𝟔: 𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑

❛ what are you doing out here? ❜

❛ if you fall, you'll almost definitely die. ❜

❛ i'm not sure what's the best way to put this... but i think you probably shouldn't. don't you? ❜

❛ i was out here first, you know. ❜

❛ what'd you think of my joke? ❜

❛ i may not succeed in stopping you, but it would still give me the experience of trying. ❜

❛ will dying make you happy? ❜

❛ do you think you'll go to heaven when you die? ❜

❛ if leaving you alone would make you happy, then i'd gladly do it, but... ❜

❛ you thought i was feeling bad for you, didn't you? ❜

❛ you're a good kid, aren't you? ❜

❛ i'm just a smidge immortal. ❜

❛ i wasn't trying to eavesdrop. ❜

❛ i sense a new business opportunity here. ❜

❛ it's been a long time since i met anyone this interesting. ❜

❛ how can i make it up to you? ❜

❛ i had no idea this town was in crisis because of me! ❜

❛ thank you... thank you so, so much! you've shown me the error of my ways! ❜

❛ even if the world doesn't forgive you, you only need to have one person who does. ❜

❛ if nobody forgives you, then i'll forgive you! even if i don't know what for! ❜

❛ because it'll make me happy. ❜

❛ people do call me crazy quite a lot. ❜

❛ if lunacy is your philosophy, that's terrific. ❜

❛ earth is so incredible. i think we're lucky just to be living on it. ❜

❛ i want to know whether _____ can be happy. ❜

❛ if you just decide to have fun for now, i think the sadness will probably go away. so come on and smile! ❜

❛ are you worried about something? ❜

❛ if you don't know what to do, then smile! ❜

❛ smiles are magic, you know. ❜

❛ all you have to do is sell your soul. ❜

❛ you okay? that was a close one, huh? ❜

❛ you don't get to decide whether you're worth it. ❜

❛ you're, uh — what's the best way to put this? you're a good guy. ❜

❛ i can always tell when people are faking their smiles. ❜

❛ you're a good guy. i just wanted to let you know. ❜

❛ are you satisfied now? ❜

❛ it's scary what can happen by coincidence, but it's fun in its own way. ❜

❛ maybe i'll have found a way to get rid of your pain by then, and the wounds of the people you hurt may have healed. ❜

❛ that was lucky, huh? they let us go without a scratch. ❜

❛ now that your revenge is complete, do you think you'll be able to smile sincerely?❜

❛ revenge isn't something you do for the person who died, you know. you do it to resolve whatever's in your own heart that isn't satisfied so that you can move forward. so that you can live. ❜

❛ you have the right to be happy now. ❜

❛ i don't know whether what you did was right or wrong, and i don't actually care. ❜

❛ are you wondering whether you should atone for your crimes? ❜

❛ if you regret it, just think of a way to start over. ❜

❛ there's absolutely no reason to give up. ❜

❛ i will never deny your right to be happy, even if the rest of the world does. ❜

❛ my friend always says people should be way more afraid of me with good intentions than of god with bad intentions! ❜

❛ you don't have to stop crying, but for now, smile! go on and smile! ❜

𝐕𝐎𝐋. 𝟏𝟕: 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄

❛ that's right, i haven't introduced myself yet. of course you're suspicious. ❜

❛ so, what do you want to do now? ❜

❛ i'd like to start by asking why you look so sad, but i won't force you to talk about it if you don't want to. ❜

❛ i just thought i might be able to help you out with whatever it is that you want to do next. ❜

❛ you want to see this person, don't you? ❜

❛ will that satisfy you enough to let you smile? ❜

❛ maybe you're thinking 'nobody asked you' or 'this has nothing to do with you.' ❜

❛ it's kind of an important issue. it's going to affect how enthusiastic i am about this. ❜

❛ aw, i've been rejected! will you comfort me? ❜

❛ i'm sorry if i upset you. ❜

❛ i don't know anything about romance. ❜

❛ if it made you feel better and smile, i'd let you punch me or stab me as much as you wanted. ❜

❛ don't you worry. in fact, i'm glad you weren't serious. ❜

❛ i think someone like me probably shouldn't get married. ❜

❛ so who is this person you've fallen for? ❜

❛ if there's anything i can do to help you, i'll do it. ❜

❛ hello there. another terrific smile today. ❜

❛ oh good! because of you, i get to live longer. thank you! ❜

❛ i thought we had plenty of trouble already, but i suppose it wasn't as bad as it could get! ❜

❛ let's smile a lot before everything gets worse! ❜

❛ i think you just said something rude about me, but i've probably insulted you, too, so i'm sorry. ❜

❛ if you said that getting revenge would make you smile, i'd gladly help you. no matter what you're trying to do. ❜

❛ my goal is to make everybody on the planet smile. ❜

❛ if there's a road to travel on, i'll be able to get there someday. ❜

❛ i'd like to figure out a way to live a long time. ❜

❛ wait! i'll go, too! let me come! ❜

❛ i'm sure _____'s all right. i don't think they'd be happy to see you so sad, you know? you should smile. c'mon, smile, smile. ❜

❛ it really does bring back memories, doesn't it? ❜

❛ faking a smile when nobody's around is kind of odd. ❜

❛ did you bring back anything for me? ❜

❛ i saw a hint of a real smile, although i don't know why it was there. ❜

❛ would saving ______ make you happy? ❜

❛ if you get to see ______ again, will you smile? ❜

❛ if you tell me that, you know i can't turn you down, right? ❜

❛ well, i'm off. i hope we get to meet at least once more while we're still alive. ❜

❛ i hate long goodbyes. it's hard to smile when everyone acts so gloomy. ❜

❛ i'll never forget ______ as long as i live. ❜

❛ you don't have to repay me. just do what you can to help people smile. ❜

❛ you had better keep that promise you made me. ❜

❛ see you later, then. ❜

#ask meme #rp sentence prompts #rp meme #rp ask meme #rp sentence meme #rp prompt

[ctheathy]

•• Julius the Dressmaker showing his s/o affection and care please

Julius the Dressmaker affection Headcanons

Julius Doherty x Reader

Fluff+Partly suggestive Headcanons

Short Concept

Character + Artwork by Sanityshorror

Author’s note : I tried keeping the slight suggestive content in there due to it being in the request itself, but I feel guilty to say that Julius unfortunately wasn’t in my intimate list to begin with and I'm not confident in myself when writing actual NSFW Headcanons for him, sorry! =( I still do hope you enjoy, however~♥️

Julius the Dressmaker/Reader [Romantic]

[Gender-neutral Darling|Female Darling|Male Darling]

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

Intercourse mention • Implications of pleasing your partner for stress release

۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵

You should consider it a real treat when this man goes out of his way to take care of you. Because on a regular basis he would be the one who demands the attention and special treatment, even though he behaves dismissevely oblivious and assures you must be mistaken about your sentiments. But you know your lover good enough to know he just feels shameful about his needy and commending pillow prince behaviour and the riskful threat to his ego if he were to recognise that fact. He's one heck of a sucker for physical intimacy and words of reassurance behind closed doors. Though I can, however, see him acting like the complete opposite when out in the open, as if he already despises the mere idea of being coddled and babied. Perhaps a statement that would tone down whenever a private area is accessible, but he has a strict reputation and outer image to keep up with-!

He may be quite a busy man with a sharp eye for his business, but that absolutely doesn't mean he won't make time for you. Even if it may sound surprising, it's actually something he does all of the time; cancelling plans and a bunch of appointments he had in his schedule just in replacement of spending some meaningful time with his little dove. Even if it just were to be something as simple as an occasional night of making love. Every minute he spends with you is very valuable to him, and he would genuinely want to try his best to show you that through ways that doesn't even require direct confessions or in a sense of admitting of his vulnerability towards you. Still feeling this hesitance and a hint of insecurity with the idea of handing his emotions over to you on a silver platter.

Your relationship with Julius, besides the bond you have found with one another, is also partly built on sexual desire and sensibilities. In the moments you two spend together, you're both likely quick to stand to more intimate things than just wholesome cuddling. You'll find yourself being seduced and flirted with constantly, which has a big possibility of eventually ending up with you two losing eachother in the other's eyes, your bodies intertwined while trying to find the deepest core of your partner's love.

Though Julius also finds himself feeling more emotional and trusted with the relationship after the deed has been done, and is more open to showing you the affection from his heart. So these would usually have a bigger chance of occurring after an act of sensual intimacy or intercourse, prideful on the idea how he wants to seem like the one in control after something so meaningful and important. When realistically, he really just wants to make sure he hasn't been too rough with you and wants to see if you're alright. He knows he can get a bit rough in the heat of the moment and doesn't want you to be left hurting and sore. Holding you close to his chest and occasionally massaging your inner thighs as you're all up close to him, whispering praises into your hair while you're probably already drifting off from stimulation.

When you're in a state of discomfort or physical displeasure, he also tries to be as cautious as he can about your frailty and how you feel; especially when knowing you're more corporeally capable of getting hurt or fall ill from sickness due to being mortal, unlike himself. Though Julius also adores his lover with his whole heart, and despite facading his worry and seeming nonchalant about your aching frame, he's quick to suggest solutions to make you feel better. To a point where you don't even have to ask for anything, because the man is all ready to top-service pleasure you and your body to fight off the irritation with all he has ...as long as you don't mention the efforts he went through for you, as he can get embarrassed~

Being a demon, he is a very powerful and complex entity who are known to scare off threats with the snap of a finger. But when it comes to his self-esteem, it is sadly said, very very nonexistent when it comes to Julius. He cannot help but doubt his abilities to protect you from time to time. Especially damage that would rather count as emotional harm and mental damage in more severe occasions, specifically what can remain permanent under the worst circumstances.

He’s seen paralysis and nerve damage through his many years of killing before, and he would absolutely never wish that upon his beloved. And as he sometimes happens to grow more paranoid, he grows more protective of you too. Something that's already noticeable when you're doing something as simple as walking through the dark, crowded streets next to him; entangling your arm into his as he sometimes squeezes your limb between his muscles, almost in a similar manner as if he's fearful of you being tugged away from him. Becoming more defensive to keep you away from others and not at all hesitant to add somebody to his death list if they were implying, much less encouraging any funny business. Something he only sees himself as worthy of with you.

۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵

#creepypasta x reader #creepypasta julius #julius the dressmaker #julius doherty #creepypasta #julius the dressmaker x reader #julius x reader #julius doherty x reader

[azrielgreen]

I just came from your tik tok about ao3 etiquette and enjoyed your commentary about kink shaming and rating systems and why it’s not a good thing for fandom. How it drives creators away or forces them to delete work because they don’t want to be judged and witch hunted… Thank you for using your platform to bring attention to those matters. 💚

I was wondering what your take is on another fandom matter: comments people leave that sort of perpetuate a fandom hierarchy and dig at other writers to lift other writers up. Like “this creator carries the fandom on their back” or “you’ve ruined me for all other writers”. Stuff like that. I’ve seen it across multiple fandoms and always felt a little stung by it because what it says to me is that everybody’s work in fandom as a collective isn’t appreciated. I feel comments like those turn fandom into a popularity contest where select writers are skyrocketed to fame and small time creators are drowned out. I’m not sure if that’s just me taking it personally, or if those comments are actually rude.

Obviously I’m not unaware that you’re popular and rightfully so. I’m not trying to come off as bitter, or guilt trip you for your success. I apologize for my question if it seems this way. I tried to word it carefully, but I’m not sure if i communicated my thoughts accurately.

I know you’ve been part of smaller fandoms/ships before and often orphan your work, etc. because you write for yourself, and you never expected to blow up. So I guess I’m just curious to know your perspective since you know both sides of being smalltime and being famous, and if your standing in the Steddie fandom has changed anything for you or given you a new outlook. If it’s a lot of pressure to be so looked up to. If you ever miss being more of an unknown creator so it could give you more freedom. If it ever makes you feel uncomfortable to be popular.

Thank you in advance if you respond to this. I know it’s an odd message. 💚💚

Hi, firstly thank for you this question. It's a really important one actually and being mindful of the fandom in which we share space/interact with one another is, in my opinion, essential.

So, looking at your question - the elevation of one author above others in terms of praise - it's definitely not ideal language being used in the examples you gave and there is always, I think, a way we can express ourselves with total authenticity and honesty, but also not stepping on people. Now, this is not saying that anyone who comments things like that IS stepping on anyone and I have to be clear that 99.9% of all my positive fandom interactions here have been expressed beautifully.

However, our language can always be shifted to something more inclusive. Because ultimately, this fandom is MASSIVE and there are a stunning amount of beautiful, meaningful works that due to its size don't get anywhere near the recognition by comparison that they deserve. No single creator carries anything on their backs, a fandom is a community and it should be a mutually beneficial/supportive one.

In terms of a popularity content, I think that happens in all large fandom spaces to a certain degree. This phenomenon has both positives and negatives, but overall, I try to stay out of the "contest" as much as possible. Cliques are deeply unappealing to me and having been bullied out of several fandoms in the past, I can confidently say I would never want to be in one. I have good friends, writers and readers alike, in this fandom and I dare believe that no one I am close friends with would ever treat people poorly.

In terms of my own experience, I do still regularly orphan works. Orphaning my work keeps me humble to a degree and I love creating just for sake of it, with no audience in mind. I personally don't feel any pressure to be looked up to as I will always write for myself, even on main, and if people don't like it, there are 16k other fics out there to read (and counting). It does make a little uncomfortable to be considered popular, or well known more accurately. It's strange to scroll Twitter (something I rarely do these days) and see my name and my fic being very casually discussed. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. I miss feeling invisible, that's true, but it'll never stop me from writing what I want and whoever enjoys it along the way, that's a wonderful added bonus.

In terms of "fandom heirarchy" - a strange system that mostly operates on word of mouth, sometimes the hits/kudos numbers on AO3 - I think it's important to remember that a lot of the reason behind this structure is that some of us were the first people writing Steddie back in June 2022 and so those numbers/familiarity are naturally inflated due to legacy. I definitely always try to keep that in mind and I will gas ANYONE up whose work I love, always, while trying to pay tribute to all authors and creators in this space however I can.

I have to say I do dislike the elevation of one author above others on general principal and I see people getting competitive, hostile and even sometimes resorting to bullying. The SteddieBigBang Discord server disaster (which I heard about from my friend) is a solid example of that and an excellent reminder of why I value my space and autonomy so dearly.

Operating in this fandom has absolutely opened my eyes to the pitfalls of such mainstream interaction but it's also allowed me to reach such a wide audience of people who've shared with me their own experiences, which I treasure. I've healed a lot of my own personal trauma in writing what I have and I'm incredibly grateful to have a place here. I will always advocate to elevate all authors within the fandom because everyone's work is important, beautiful and essential. I will always defend everyone's right to consume and create whatever they want in a safe, encouraging space.

I make new discoveries every day based off my own searches for content and gently advise others to do the same, rather than only ever relying on rec lists and "algorithm" style suggestions. If I published You're Divine today, out of nowhere, I doubt it would find any traction beyond the few people (like me) who tag-search for the very specific things they like.

Thank you for this question and for taking the time to relate your thoughts so the way you did. I appreciate you. 💜💜💜