#brought to you by my anxiety running wild and my brain deciding today's a fine; fine day to ponder on the realisation that- | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gyeomsweetgyeom · 3 years

Text

lovesick fool

Coworker!Johnny x Coworker!Reader

summary: Johnny is your work husband and feels fine with being just that until something someone makes him realize he wants more (college-ish!au)

word count:~2.4k

other mentioned members: Yuta, Jaehyun, Mark

A/N: Thank you for reading, let me know what you think! Requests are open!

Another day at a boring, mediocre job that Johnny surprisingly looked forward to. All because of you. Not that the job was actually boring, everyday brought something new with crazy customers and situations that Johnny had never even imagined for himself. Where else could someone order a turkey club sandwich with just tomato and lettuce, no turkey, add bacon but not order a BLT?

“Hello wifey, how are things going today?” Johnny greeted while going through your regular conversations of the day at work, no lunch rush yet, no crazy tables, chit chatting about that one shift manager that was always a bit weird and mean, and no rude customers he had to stare at threateningly.

“No Johnny,” you laughed lightly “but thank you, honey. By the way you are really rocking your uniform today”

Johnny watched as you returned to your table, placing the receipt on the table with your very sweet, but still customer smile. He had yet to really admit it to himself but others had noticed, he liked you- a lot and was beyond obvious about his crush. The whole “wife” and “husband” joke stemmed from the desire very deep down within him that maybe he really did want you to be his wife one day, maybe that joke between the both of you had triggered his crush. Though he wasn’t going to admit that now- or ever, he hadn't even admitted his feelings to himself. He liked the dynamic the both of you had established after years of working together and the friendship that had developed thanks to the job, even if the job did suck. You guys could joke around and have fun in an environment that you would both dread if the other happened to not be there. You had both become, almost, best friends.

“Are you ready to work today, or are you just going to stand there like a lovesick fool?” His manager asked playfully.

“Huh? Right on it!” Johnny smiled, grabbing his notepad and heading towards a newly seated table.

The day continued on like any other day for Johnny, fake smiling, taking orders, hurting feet, keeping an eye out for you and admiring you but very subtly- not in a creepy way or anything.

What was beyond abnormal for him was to see you laughing with one of the guests, a genuine laugh, not your fake laugh that you used when dads made horrible jokes. But Johnny recognized this guy, he always came in and sat in Johnny’s section and stared at you, sometimes making conversation but usually, he tried as hard as possible to get your attention. What a sight to see. Mostly by making you do extra work like bringing him extra napkins or a refill when you weren’t even waiting tables in that section.

It wasn’t like this guy was a weirdo or anything, he was a college student like you and Johnny, he was nice, handsome (ish), and he always left great tips. What was not to like about this guy? Well, for starters, he was hitting on you, and Johnny didn’t like that. Johnny hated how it made him feel considering he didn’t even know why this guy flirting with you made him feel sick to his stomach in the first place- well he did but he didn’t want to say why. Johnny continued to watch you as he waited on an order for one of his tables, still confused with what he was feeling and curious as to what the heck this guy was telling you to make you laugh so hard. Johnny thought he was funny, but it had taken him a while to get you to laugh like you were laughing now.

And three days later this guy showed up again, leaving his number on the receipt with a hefty tip just for you and a note that told you to text him if you were interested in getting that coffee you guys had talked about. And Johhny had had the honor of seeing and delivering that stupid receipt to you even if this guy was seated in Johnny’s section like usual.

“Are you leaving me for lover boy?” Johnny joked as he snatched the receipt from your hand to read over the words and numbers again.

“His name is not lover boy, it's Yuta, he’s just nice and he knows my brother. That’s all, don’t worry.” You replied, quickly taking the receipt back and placing it in your pocket while handing Johnny the tip.

“Are you going to go on a date with him? Yuta, I mean not your brother, because that would be weird.” Johnny asked.

“You’re acting weird lover… can we talk about this later, you can see that you have three new tables seated in your section right?”

“Don’t think I’m letting you get away with not talking about this too easy, I’ll remember this and show up at your house demanding answers when you least expect it.”

“Of course, I’d expect nothing less, my love.” You replied, the term of endearment dripping in sarcasm but it didn’t stop Johnny’s heart from racing a mile a minute at the simple two words, my love.

Given that Johnny would have the next 3 days off, he sat at home making himself busy to keep his mind off your date, was it a date? Why was Johnny so nervous about this? Should he text you? Call you? Should Johnny ask you out to coffee now too? Did you even text the guy? Was he worrying about nothing? Was the tv he was staring at even on?

“I can literally see steam pouring out of your ears, your brain must be in overdrive. Are you good?” Johnny’s roommate, Jaehyun, asked with a chuckle.

“Hypothetical situation here, if you were a girl, and we were basically best friends, and we called each other husband and wife, and just overall had a good time when we were together, would you say yes if I were to ask you out?”

“Oh are you finally realizing your feelings for y/n?” Jaehyun asked, his eyes leaving his phone to land on his roommate who was nervously biting his lip, waiting for an answer.

“This isn’t about me.” Johnny laughed nervously, very obviously lying through his teeth.

“Okay… well then your friend should just ask her out. Even if she does reject him- I don’t think she will, but if she did, you said it yourself, she’s your best friend, after me of course. First and foremost you guys are friends above everything.” Jaehyun smiled.

“But there’s another guy that comes in all the time and all he does is hit on her and she laughs! He left his number for her and she got kind of defensive when I joked about it. It’s kind of weird watching him make heart eyes at her every time he walks in especially when she isn’t even his waitress! Even his name is cool! Yuta! I’ll just be her forever work husband, nothing more.” Johnny whined.

“You make her laugh and make heart eyes at her too, I’m not seeing exactly what the problem here is. And Johnny sounds super cool too!”

“You don’t get me.” Johnny sighed, giving up and now letting his mind run wild with endless possibilities of what you may or may not have done in the three days he hasn’t seen you.

He was practically vibrating as he made his way into the restaurant after his time off, excitement, anxiety, his coffee that morning, whatever it was. He was never excited or anxious to come to work, god no, he was only ever excited to see you but never anxious.

“Johnny! I missed you. Your hair looks different today, but good.” You smiled, pulling Johnny into a big hug.

“Thanks, but did you really miss me? I loved seeing the texts I received from you every two seconds. Wait, that didn’t happen.” Johnny joked, it was so weird how you made him feel nervous but simultaneously made his nerves disappear.

You scoffed, lightly hitting his arm, “I was thinking about you a lot though, I forgot how horrendous work is without you.”

“Lovely to hear you guys, why don’t you both get to your horrible work and then chat about it later after your shifts? Preferably not in the restaurant where paying customers can hear, thanks.” Your manager chuckled.

“Yes, my liege... What time are you off today? Want to hang out?” You asked Johnny.

“Your boyfriend won’t be mad that you’re hanging out with me?”

“What boyfriend?”

“Go work!” Your manager yelled out.

“We can talk about this later, hello, would you like to hear today’s specials?” You greeted a table of customers with a smile.

Johnny worked for his short shift, greeting customers with a smile, taking orders, and bringing food to tables. He looked normal, but on the inside he was an anxious mess, he had decided that today he was going to confess his feelings to you. He was just lucky that your guy friend, boyfriend, his replacement, Yuta, whatever that guy was, had decided not to come in today, that would have made Johnny even more nervous. If the confession went wrong, there were other jobs Johnny could work, more restaurants or anything else he chose. He had always liked coffee, maybe he could work as a barista. It couldn’t be that hard to work a coffee- “Johnny, your shift is up. See you, tomorrow dude.”

Johnny made his way to the break room after clocking out, leaving the apron he wore at work and grabbing his things, already planning in his head how he was going to tell you that he likes you.

“Johnny, hello? Did you still want to hang out?” You asked.

“Huh? Oh yeah, where were you thinking?”

You guys had decided to go to a little cafe a few blocks away that Johnny had been telling you about for months. Even when you had told him you were scared that his favorite cafe would blow your favorite cafe out of the water. He had just been so convincing, telling you he wanted you to try a latte, an americano,with a great nutty taste from South America, even a hot chocolate made with the perfect mix of milk chocolate and dark chocolate, he even said the pastries were freshly baked in store daily. Really he had just looked so excited when he went into extreme detail about the menu, you really felt like you had to try it now. He also looked so cute when his eyes lit up while he talked about the great muffins, yes, he had tried every single muffin they had.

“So I suggest we share a hot chocolate, because it’s great but you have to try something with coffee in it, they make it even better than I do.” He smiled.

“I trust you to order me a latte then, any flavor you wish. Should we split a muffin or a croissant or do you want us to get our own pastry?”

“Let’s get our own but split them.” Johnny suggested, which sounded good to you so you just nodded.

Once the order was placed, you both took a seat at a table towards the back of the cafe near a big window that had a good view of the little garden next to the cafe.

“So, I wanted to ask you something.” You started. Johnny looked at you nervously, eyes big and full of surprise. “Why do you call Yuta my lover boy?”

Johnny laughed nervously, “Well, he always flirts with you when he comes in, he doesn’t seem to take his eyes off of you, he makes you laugh a whole lot. He also left you his number, I just assumed that you guys were a thing or a potential thing.”

You laughed, “Yuta was my childhood neighbor before he and his family moved back to Japan, he moved back and goes to a college nearby. I guess all the staring was to see if it was actually me.”

“The flirting and his number?”

“Ok, so he is a naturally flirty person but he’s not into me, he left his number for my brother. They were best friends when we were younger. I think he just wants to see what Mark is up to and catch up with him, he gave me his number to give to Mark.” You explained with a shy smile. “Why do you care so much anyway, Johnny?”

Johnny let out a loud sigh of relief with a smile, scaring the barista who was bringing out your drinks and pastries. “So… I was jealous of Yuta because I really like you. Like not just as my work wife or one of my best friends, and I don’t even think this is just a crush, I really really like you y/n. I was an idiot to wait so long and let jealousy bring it out of me.”

“Johnny… wow.”

“You don’t have to tell me you like me back and only like me as a friend. It’s fine and I totally understand, I don’t want this to ruin our friendsh-”

“Johnny, shut up! I like you too! I thought it was super obvious, but I guess not.” You laughed, cheeks hot while you avoided eye contact with Johnny.

“This is great! Can we make this a date now? I really want this to be a date. I’m also so happy Yuta isn’t into you. Not that you aren’t cool, like you totally are, and Yuta would be missing out on a whole lot because he doesn’t like you like that, but I really like you.” Johnny rambled before you pushed part of a muffin past his lips.

“I’m happy this is a date too, now please, stop being weird.” You laughed, causing Johnny to blush.

“I can’t believe I made THE Johnny blush on our first date, I must be really special to you.” You cheekily smiled, leaving Johnny to blush even more.

“Am I allowed to flirt with you in front of Yuta now?” Johnny asked, resulting in a light kick to his shin. “Ow! It was a joke babe!”

#kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop au #johnny scenarios #johnny fic #johnny imagines #johnny x reader #nct 127 #nct #nct scenarios #nct oneshot #nct au #nct imagines #nct fluff

276 notes · View notes

elven-oracle · 5 years

Text

under the rose: part 2|th

moodboard courtesy of @mcuspidey

SUMMARY: Would you do anything for the person you love?

Would you do anything for the person you lust?

PAIRING: Agent!Tom Holland x Agent!Reader

WORD COUNT: 2.8k

sub rosa: adjective and adverb. formal. happening or done in secret. directly translated from latin: “under the rose.”

Part 1 Part 3

Part 2: Hand on a Blade

Things returned to their usual mundane business after the episode in the field.

It had forced you to start wondering the purpose of the men sitting around doing hardly anything all day. It was a sex-trafficking business, yet you hardly saw a single young woman pass through the warehouse that had now become your day job. In meetings at the agency, you reported and confirmed everything the mic attached to your collarbone had recorded. You had been reassured that your work was dong leaps for the investigation, but you were antsy to make the arrests of the criminals you spent your time with.

You knew that these women were out there somewhere, going through everything unimaginable; the thought of them was what got you out of bed in the morning, and every time a “client” was discussed, you suppressed your firey urge to sock one of the men in the face, but there was a cover to maintain, and many many lives to protect. Including your own.

Tom’s fingers laid loosely interlocked with your own, an interaction so natural that it was as if you had been doing it for years, as the cover suggested. All of the detached moments of affection were slowly burning into your motions like delicately practiced choreography. Tom grabbing your hand, your waist, your forearm, the way he pressed a kiss into your body, it was all starting to lose its spark that you felt when you had started a week prior.

After literally saving the lives of your favorite sex-traffickers, they had started to trust you. You discovered that these rival groups spent a good portion of time attempting to sabotage any efforts, and they did the same in retaliation, all done by an entirely different set of people that you had a slim chance of meeting. It was a good report to bring back to intelligence, though.

You had gotten into an interesting conversation regarding them.

“They like to get creative with their attacks, one time they threw chemical bombs into the place, we left with swollen eyes, I may have been blind for a few days,” Smithy took a long drag off of his cigarette and snuffed it out on the arm of his chair.

“Oh!” Hardy spoke up, “Don’t forget the time that you got a ninja star in your leg,” he raised his eyebrows at you, “that’s right, miss, a whole fucking ninja star.”

“It’s almost like a game for them,” you commented, starting to catch on.

“Yeah,” Candy spit, “It’s fucking stupid, though. They need to stop being pussies and use a gun. Like everyone else.”

How attacking with one lethal weapon over another made someone a pussy was beyond you.

Meanwhile, you had continued to play the game of seduction with Tom to keep your mind off of the imminent deathtrap you walked into every day. After the scene in the bathroom, you started to notice the sly way that he would eye you as you walked away, or how his hand lingered so low on your waist. Some movements were methodical, some were the result of a secret desire that he probably hadn’t realized you noticed. The extra sway to your hips and the subtle release of your breath when he held you were nothing but purposeful.

As long as nothing carried on, you would be fine. You weren’t about to become another notch in Tom Holland’s belt.

Sitting in Tom’s passenger seat, you made the silent drive over to the location, occasionally checking your lipstick to give yourself something to do. It was strange how close you felt to your partner, despite the limited, cordial conversation that you carried out privately. Being two different people had proven itself to be restricting in the strangest of ways.

This morning, however, you decided to take a new step in the carpool and twist the volume on to turn on some music. You felt his eyes as you returned back to sitting, some song by Taylor Swift echoing in the speakers.

Don’t blame me love made me crazy, if it doesn’t you ain’t doing it right.

You had never been in love. It never crossed your mind as something important. During your high school years, you had much more strenuous priorities, and now, your job was your entire life. Something about the lyrics radiated in your brain, though. The way that love could change someone. Sometimes it was the best thing that could happen to a person.

And sometimes it was the worst.

When you reached the final destination, you were greeted with a series of tired grunts, as usual. It took a couple hours for the guys to wake up, and a few beers usually did the trick. Alcohol for them was like coffee for you: they had no words for each other until they had gotten it coursing through their systems.

Nothing seemed out of place that afternoon. There was a specifically intriguing soccer game that they all seemed invested in, while you couldn’t care less. Anything other than soccer was more your speed.

Well, nothing was out of place that afternoon until Boss made an unruly entrance, tossing guns to his men, and looking directly at you and pointing to the bathroom. Thrown completely off guard, you turned around to see a storm of men, clad in black, all wielding long and seemingly sharp blades. The rival gang had made another return, this time with another creative form of weaponry.

You took note of the pistols on their hips. Today they had decided not to be pussies.

You were reluctant to place yourself into hiding, but you drifted away to keep the cover intact. It was almost painful to separate yourself from the action. You had almost reached the door when you took one last glimpse, not wanting to admit that you wanted to be absolutely certain that Tom was okay. The answer was half satisfying, half terrifying.

A dark figure was approaching Tom from behind, blade raised, going in for a fatal swoop.

You wanted to tell yourself that it was your instinct as an agent that sent you running, in the same way, that had brought you to throw that grenade out of explosion range. It definitely wasn’t the panic of seeing your partner in danger, a wild panic that was out of control, rather than the regulated anxiety that was perfect for sending yourself into life-threatening situations. Your heart was beating out of your chest as your feet pounded, your mind spun, and you shoved Tom out of the way, replacing his head with your hand.

In training, they had forced you to endure all sorts of pain, all consensual. They would get your verbal confirmation, and with a countdown from three, you would get a shot of electricity shoved into your veins. In this job, pain was inevitable, but pain was also fleeting. The more you grew used to it, the stronger you felt.

The burning sensation that exploded in your hand was nothing like you had felt in training. You wished you had felt the fire in your hand, and as your vision went white, you heard the gunshots fire off. Boss was yelling, through the unwarranted tears in your eyes, there was the sound of Tom’s pseudonym being demanded to a task. It felt like an eternity until there was a shout of “all clear.”

Through your blurred vision, you saw Tom’s concerned brown eyes, and his hands bring you to your feet. You were dizzy with delirium, the pain in your hand only increasing as more seconds passed. Maybe you had split it open, maybe once they contained the bleeding you wouldn’t feel like vomiting, but the sight you were welcomed to once the fog cleared almost sent your breakfast and the minimal alcohol straight up your throat.

It was a clean slice to your pinkie finger. Which, fortunately, meant that it could be sewn back on.

Right?

Tom started to say your name but quickly corrected himself, “Rose, baby, let’s get to the car. Hospital time.”

Despite the excruciating pain, you stayed in character, “Johnny...what happened?”

You knew what the fuck happened. Those pussies had chopped your finger off.

Tom didn’t reply with the obvious, he replied with, “Love, you saved my life,” and then under his breath, “again.”

You were ushered out the door, with Tom insisting that he take you himself over having the entire group follow. You knew that you were headed to the agency and not an actual hospital. There couldn’t be any public record of the injury. It would blow your cover. There was a fully operating hospital wing on one of the floors for this very reason, the surgeon would be ready for you when you got there.

Tom helped you into the passenger seat of his car, placing your severed finger in your lap, wrapped in a towel as if that made anything better. It only made you want to hurl more.

This car ride was not silent.

“Y/N how’s it going?” his British accent was a breath of fresh air, and you hated that.

“I’m not fucking dying Tom.”

“Yeah, well, pardon me for making sure you aren’t having a panic attack. You just got mutilated after all.” “I’ll live. Eyes on the road.”

“Okay! Okay.”

Your entire body was damp with sweat as if someone had dumped water everywhere except your hair. You could feel it dripping down your face and the way that it made the wig particularly itchy. You wanted to rip it off, but once again, the cover. The things you did for your job.

“You saved my life again.”

“Yes. And?”

He hesitated as if expecting a different answer, “Thanks.” “You’re my partner, I could only hope you would do the same for me.” “I would,” the way he said it was almost defensive.

“Oh thank, goodness. I was worried for a second,” you were being sarcastic to mask the pain, but that couldn’t mask the yelp you let out as he sped around a corner.

There was another brief silence, but you didn’t like how it felt, so you filled it with the dumbest joke you could think of, “Do you think this pain is worse than childbirth?”

You could hear him trying not to laugh, “You’re asking an expert.”

“Good. You think?”

He looked at your hand, which had now bled through the towel you were using for pressure and was bleeding onto your leather pants and onto the car seats made of the same material.

“Sure.” “Thanks, Doctor Holland, I think I’ll have kids now.”

Upon arrival, you were shoved onto a gurney and taken away, Tom only being able to accompany you to a certain point. It didn’t seem like either of you noticed that he had taken hold of your non-injured hand until each one of your fingers were torn away from each other, leaving you to roll your eyes back and pass out, the final dose of adrenaline running out.

…

Beep...beep...beep…

Consciousness was like hitting a wall. Your eyes fell open almost against your will, sleep wanting to regain its hold. With a deep inhale, you rolled your head over to your left hand, which now no longer had the deep pain from what felt like only minutes prior, although you knew it had to be hours.

The memories came flooding back. There was the motion of intent in the body of the attacker, the insane panic, and the flash of internal light that stung across your eyes as the blade swept across your hand. It was a memory that would never leave you, a trauma that you knew you had no time to address.

A thick, cast-like bandage surrounded your pinkie, sitting on a strategically laid table to keep it elevated. What caught your surprise, though, was the fact that another hand rested on top of yours, rough with calluses, a hand that you had held before, but never like this.

Tom was asleep in a chair next to you, his head rolled back, mouth agape. The small sight of drool brought a weak smile to your face. Asleep, the usually dark and demeaning man that you worked with looked relaxed and...soft. You knew better than anyone that Tom was anything but soft.

Your hand twitched, and Tom immediately stirred, yawning and retracting his hand away from yours. For a second you could tell he was just as disoriented as you had just been, but he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and met yours, looking slightly sheepish as he pulled on his fingers nervously. He pulled a leg to his chest, looking away for a second, then chuckled to himself as he looked back at you.

“Something funny?” your voice was hoarse.

He shook his head, “You almost lost your finger there, agent.”

“Thank goodness I had the wonderful Agent Thomas Stanley Holland to save me from a life of stub hand.”

He chuckled again, “Even mutilated, you remain as endearing as ever, Y/L/N.”

You couldn’t help the blush that sparked on your cheeks. Hopefully, the lighting was dim enough that he didn’t see.

It was almost midnight when a flurry of agents took up almost all of the space in your hospital wing, a reminder that your work never stopped. The mission was still steady-going, and this was likely not to be considered a setback.

“Agent Y/L/N, we would like to remind you that despite your injury, you are still expected to return to the field as soon as possible. This mission is too important for you to step back, and the chances of cover being blown-”

You cut the man speaking to you off, “I understand. I expected nothing less.”

As if you ever even thought about not continuing the mission. This had been the most important mission of your career. You would have to be killed in action before resigning. The man at the foot of your bed, an agent you had never met before, was trying to hide how pleased he was with your answer. Apparently, he had expected you to put up more of a fight.

Satisfied, they left, not needing to hear anything else from you.

“I’ll be sure to get well soon!” you called as the door shut behind them. It left you alone with Tom once again. He was smirking.

“Can I ask you something, Y/N?”

“Go for it,” you expected it to be about the plan of action for tomorrow. Neither of you talked about much more than work.

In the months you spent preparing with your partner, he had never asked anything personal, so his question took you by surprise.

“What brought you to this line of work?”

Your lips parted, and you took a second to think before responding, gnawing on the inside of your cheek. You thought about the family you left behind when accepting the job, the minimal contact, how you hadn’t seen your parents in years. To any onlooker, you had given up a lot to take this job, but to you it had been an easy decision.

“Um,” you sighed. “Well, initially I was a police officer. Narcotics. My parents…” Were you really about to tell him this?

“My parents ran a drug lab in our house for a very long time. They weren’t arrested until I was in college. I just wanted to make a difference.”

“And what brought you here?”

“Putting Jacoby Zimmerman in jail.”

He looked impressed, “You...put the Magic Man in jail?”

“Sure did.”

Zimmerman had been your side project. He was a drug trafficker, and he was good. The best detectives had been chasing him for years, and while you were the lowest tier in the line of detectives, you had been going behind their backs to try and book him. As much as you hated to admit it, the relation was personal. He had supplied to your parents, and your parents had tried to get you to deal at your high school. Instead, you worked a fast-food job and shoved the drugs down the toilet. Every paycheck went towards the drug hussle that wasn’t happening, and you hardly kept a cent for yourself.

“Damn. He was…”

“Renowned. I know,” you paused, wondering how to conclude the strange conversation you had found yourself in, “I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to do what’s right. Change my past or whatever.”

You sat in silence some more, occasionally looking down at your bandaged finger. When you put away Zimmerman, you never pictured yourself in this position. You had been told countless times that being an agent sometimes required repeatedly putting yourself in danger, but after all the paperwork and the meetings, you had started to detach yourself from that factor. Now, there you were, sewn back together like Frankenstein.

You hadn’t noticed when you fell asleep, but when you woke up in the middle of the night, after yet another nightmare where your finger was being torn apart, Tom’s hand had returned to sitting on yours. It was gentle. Tender. You couldn’t help the subtle feeling of comfort drawn from it.

You were losing the game.

Part 1 Part 3

M A S T E R L I S T

click HERE to be added to the taglist

T A G L I S T

@plushparker @spideyboipete @starkstower @bilkyrie @spideymood @saturn-aka-six @starlightfound @pvnk-bivch @gamoraisbi @xxtomxo @ophcelia @the-queen-procrastinator @trustfundparker @miraclesoflove @maybemona @galacticalstarcat @fame-works-quicker @honeymoonparker @loserhollandask @quillaluna @cheesecakebagels @misspepper07 @thelostverse @legendsofwholock @morbiddanvers @fangirl-trash-things @particularspider @applenter @the-lost-fairy-tale @mrskitchenboy @mintyoohoochapstick @newtimewriter @ohheyitsem @nixphomaniac @juuuless @emilymarie0422 @dreamyyholland @gioandreolli @mcuspidey @astrospideys @starksparker @starklovebot @stuckonspidey @lostinspidey @laureharrier @hollandroos @wazzupmrstark @tominhoodies @spider-babes @inthe-gardenofevil @softspideyboy @mcuparkers @hillsnholland @hawkinsholland @poetrypeter @screamholland

#allie writes under the rose #UTR #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fic #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland reader insert #tom holland au #agent!reader #agent au #agent!tom holland #fanfiction #fanfic #self insert

140 notes · View notes

lilfellasblog · 5 years

Text

Knight in Shining Armor - Roman’s 2019 Birthday Fic!

Summary: When Thomas has an allergic reaction, Virgil’s anxiety gets stuck on high-alert. Will he have to face it alone?Hello! Despite how the summary makes it sound, this is actually a fic for Roman Creativity Sander’s birthday! Happy birthday to the dramatic, passionate Side that inspires Thomas and keeps him going!

A/N: If you like this please reblog. It is the only way for this writing to reach a wider audience. Tumblr ate most of my fics that I know I posted here, which makes me very sad for a lot of reasons, one of the biggest being that the love and comments and tags that folks showed this fic is gone into the ether.

TW: Minor allergic reaction, anxiety, feeling of breathlessness that comes from anxiety. Let me know if I missed any!

Word Count: 1741

AO3 here!

Fic Masterlist here!

Earlier that morning, Thomas had woken up at his friend’s house after a bit too wild of a night. He had groaned and stretched, trying and failing to open his eyes past the searing headache, when he felt weight drop on his chest.

His eyes slammed open and he was face-to-face with a very fluffy cat.

“Oh my goodness!” Thomas cooed as he brought his hand up. He let the cat smell his hand, then started gently petting its head and neck. The cat was a light gray color with yellow eyes and a very poofy tail.

“Aren’t you such a good kitty?” Thomas gushed.

The cat laid down on him and stretched, accepting more head scritches. Thomas couldn’t stop himself from booping the cat’s nose, but he immediately went back to petting. Soon enough, however, his immune system had something to say. He barely got his arm over his nose and mouth in time for him to sneeze.

The cat was entirely nonplussed and simply looked at him as if to say, “Why did you stop petting me?”

Thomas gently picked up the cat and deposited it on the ground. He stood up, gripping his head, and made his way to the bathroom to get some water and ibuprofen in his system. Might have to see if they have benadryl, I can already feel my nose getting stuffy.

////

Virgil was panicking. Thomas had been exposed to a cat, right after he had woken up, for an extended period of time, and was already having his airways close. Logically, Virgil knew that Thomas probably wasn’t going to go into anaphylactic shock, but what if he did?!

Virgil was keeping a very close eye on his own breathing. He didn’t feel like his airway was obstructed or swollen, but he did feel like he had to focus on taking deep breathes or else his lungs would start burning. He tried his breathing exercises, to no avail. Virgil was relieved when the benadryl kicked in for Thomas and his symptoms disappeared fairly quickly, but Virgil still couldn’t get enough air. He felt like he was constantly yawning or deeply sighing. It just felt like he wasn’t getting oxygen into his lungs!

He knew that it was going to be difficult to act normally around the other Sides. Patton was the center of Thomas’ emotional intelligence, Logan was ridiculously smart and observant, and Roman was very sensitive to how others were acting around him. Resigned to suffering alone in his room for the rest of the day, he flopped on his bed and scrolled through Tumblr. He had days like this; where he’d feel like his lungs weren’t working properly and that he’d have to gulp air just to feel like he wasn’t out of breath. It usually dissipated by the next morning. Virgil knew it was his anxiety, but knowing that only helped so much. He wasn’t going to have a panic attack over thinking he had methemoglobinemia or was going into anaphylactic shock, but his brain was still telling him that he was dying.

Virgil tried focusing on the various memes and shitposts that made up his Tumblr feed, but he wasn’t enjoying it at all. He was thrumming with anxious energy. When 3 PM rolled around, Virgil was exhausted and miserable. He wanted his anxiety to just fucking stop, to let him be a neurotypical person who could cure their sadness by walking outside or whatever shit, but no, his neurotransmitters decided that their role was to make his existence miserable. Was it so much to ask to just be able to breathe and have a normal day?!

Virgil threw his phone on the bed in frustration and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. He heard excited knocking coming from his door.

“Virgil, my Chemically Imbalanced Romance! May I request thy presence for a quest?”

Virgil took a deep breath in through his nose.

“Sorry Princey, I’m not feeling too hot today. Maybe another time.”

There was silence at his door, and Virgil was relieved and sad that Roman had left.

“A new quest then! Perhaps I can interest you in a distraction?”

Virgil considered that. He wasn’t getting much better laying here in his room, but he could barely catch his breath as it was! How could he last during one of Princey’s quests?!

Virgil let out a groan. “Fine, but only if you promise there’s little to no physical activity.”

“I swear it.” Roman said way too solemnly. Virgil huffed a silent laugh to himself. Roman’s extra dial is stuck at 300%.

Virgil got himself up, made sure he had his phone and headphones, and opened the door. Roman was looking at him as though he didn’t expect Virgil to actually come out.

“Virgil, my dark knight! How may I be of service to you?”

Virgil shuffled. “I don’t know.” he mumbled. He really didn’t know how Roman could help him.

“That’s quite alright! I’m sure I can… imagine something.” Roman said with an excited smile and waggle of his brows.

“Did you just make a Patton joke?”

“Why yes I did!”

“Not very creative.”

Roman let out an offended Princey noise and Virgil snorted. Roman led the way to his room, not touching Virgil. He had learned that when Virgil’s anxiety was acting up, touch didn’t feel very good for him.

Roman opened the massive doors to his room and Virgil noticed that it was slightly darker than usual. The only light came from candles, fairy lights, and a sunset in the Imagination that was shining through the window.

“We could play Scrabble, we could watch movies, I even have a PS4 set up in here!”

Virgil bobbed his head as he looked around. He needed a distraction, so,

“Scrabble?”

Roman swept his arm to the fireplace (that has GOT to be a fire hazard) and directed Virgil to one of the armchairs. Unlike the other armchairs, it was black with silver metal accents, as opposed to the red chairs with gold and brown accents. That little detail almost made Virgil tear up.

Almost. He had a reputation to maintain dammit.

Roman grabbed two mugs of jasmine tea seemingly from out of nowhere and set one in front of Virgil, along with a plate of finger sandwiches. They played several rounds of Scrabble, with Virgil winning the first one by a narrow margin and Roman winning the second by an equally narrow margin. They got about halfway through the third game before Virgil decided to try eating some of the finger sandwiches. They were good. Virgil ate enough so he wasn’t hungry anymore but no more than that. He didn’t want another lecture from Patton about ruining his appetite. Although to be fair, this was probably healthier than Cheetos dipped in cream cheese, right?

Virgil irritatingly brushed his fringe out of his eyes for approximately the 70th time that minute and huffed in annoyance.

“Would you like the assistance of an expert hairstylist fair maiden?”

Virgil saw excitement barely being held at bay in the royal’s eyes. His skin didn’t feel so uncomfortable anymore, and he could use some help…

“Sure.”

“Wonderful! Come into my bathroom, I have everything we’ll need in there.”

Virgil threw one more finger sandwich into his mouth, chugged the rest of his tea, and followed the royal.

Roman’s bathroom was an amalgamation of every bathroom Thomas had seen in his life that made him think “Oh pretty!”. Walking past a clawfoot bathtub that was in the exact center of the bathroom for whatever reason Virgil was sat down in a chair facing a vanity. The mirror was lined in lightbulbs.

Fit for a star.

Roman tousled Virgil’s hair, staring at it in concentration. After running his hands through it a few more times, he went to his vanity.

“Your hair has enough grease in it to make hairspray not as effective, and we really don’t have a good hair type for hair gel. I was thinking of putting some dry shampoo in and adding hairspray?”

Virgil shrugged. “Whatever you think will work best.”

“Excellent! I shall begin right away.”

Virgil let his mind drift a bit as Roman fussed over his hair. Roman had personalized his room just for Virgil’s sake and put his whole heart into doing whatever it was Virgil wanted to do. All because Virgil was being a useless puddle of anxiety on his bed and decided he couldn’t breathe and avoided the others. He had even made sure Virgil was hydrated and had something to eat, and Virgil hadn’t even gone on the quest Roman wanted to go on, and-

“Done! What do you think?”

Virgil tore himself away from his thoughts and looked in the mirror. It… looked good. For only using dry shampoo and hairspray, it was damn impressive. It had some volume and stayed out of his eyes, but was still draping down enough to keep the emo vibe alive.

Roman was chewing on his lip and staring at Virgil in the mirror with wide eyes.

“Thanks Ro. I really like it. It’s really good.”

Roman’s smile lit up the entire room and Virgil swore it got a few degrees warmer.

“I’m very glad you like it Virgil! My skills are unmatched!” he declared with a flourish.

Virgil chuckled as they heard knocking on Roman’s door.

“Kiddos! Dinner!”

Virgil and Roman began to shuffle out of his room when Virgil realized something: he could breathe again.

He felt a lump in his throat beginning to form against his wishes. Roman heard Virgil stop walking and turned around. Upon seeing the expression on Virgil’s face, his brows knitted together.

“Virgil? Is something the matter?”

Virgil laughed wetly. “No Princey, I just… thank you.” he breathed out.

Roman smiled. “Of course. It is my pleasure to help you Virgil.” he paused, looking slightly hesitant. “Would you like a hug?”

Virgil nodded and walked into Roman’s waiting arms. Roman held him tightly, showing the strength hidden beneath the prince uniform, but not too tightly. He had his face buried in Virgil hair and was breathing in the scent of hairspray and dry shampoo. After a good 30-second hug, they separated. Virgil was looking down and blushing slightly and Roman was smiling, a blush also covering his cheekbones, but instead of embarrassment in his eyes there were stars.

“L-let’s go to supper.” Virgil muttered.

“Very well. Let’s.”

#sanders sides #fanfic #virgil sanders #roman sanders #prinxiety #anxiety #thomas sanders #fic #fanfiction #ts sides

86 notes · View notes

wonkyuna-blog · 7 years

Text

Dependence

Genre: (MATURE) Angst, Fluff, Smut, M / W, M / M

Im Changkyun x Yoo Kihyun Summary: As the resident Oncologist, the throes of life and death are beginning to weigh on Changkyun. He turns to self prescribed medication to fight off the pain of loss and losing sight of yourself. One of the nurses has invited herself to become incredibly close with him under the guise of false hope and a helping hand. Will he lose himself within his own mind or learn how to move on with his life? And, what happened to Kihyun?

Word Count: 8.6k+

Warnings: Drug abuse, Death, Drug-induced Sex, Hallucinations /// Author’s Note /// I hope you enjoy the first installment to this series!

Warm and sweet, the spring wind rolled through the window and stirred the stagnant air within Changkyun’s apartment. Everything had its own specific place to him, so in consequence it hadn’t been cleaned in months. Clothes were strewn about, coffee stained mugs sat at the dining room table as if their owners would come to reclaim them at any moment, and several different cologne bottles both empty and occupied were hidden around the living room like Easter eggs. He grew impatient sitting restlessly on the couch tapping his foot on the floor while running slender fingers through his hair. The window was hardly ever opened, but he believed some fresh air may actually do him some good and relieve some of the energy pent up in the home as well. There were memories in his head forcing themselves together, almost clawing at his consciousness begging for his attention, as though they had decided to march to their own beat. It was agonizing, all Changkyun needed was something to help him haze them out. Quiet them, relieve them, kill them... something, anything but oblige them. He scanned the living room with means to distract himself but all he could make out was ghosts from his past. With every dust particle and fabric depression left just the way it was supposed to have been. Left that way on purpose to preserve the very memories he intended so deeply to skew. Footsteps could be heard as they trod down the hallway. Suddenly the buzzing thoughts had been momentarily silenced and replaced with anticipation. Changkyun leapt in a blur from where he was as soon as the bell sounded to open the front door for Wonho.

“On time as always, but each time is beginning to feel like an eternity now. Man, am I glad to see you.” Changkyun was eyeing Wonho as he pulled a small box from the bag he carried with him. “My head becomes its own overcrowded streetcar basically with how all these thoughts are buzzing.” He continued, coming up with excuses for himself while still following the box in his gaze.

“It’s going to be like that until you decide that you don’t need these anymore you know.” Wonho shot him a concerned look before setting the box down on the table next to the sofa. “Maybe you should think about weaning yourself off ‘em? You’re one of my best friends Changkyun. I know this may not have been the best route and I know it helps your brain settle down, but you can’t keep on it forever. Eventually you're gonna have to go through the process of accepta-” Changkyun slipped him the money then gave Wonho a lingering hug; almost in a fifty/fifty bid to get him to stop talking and to deliver a sincere thank-you together in one motion.

“If I’m ever in serious trouble I know you’ll come to my rescue. Thank you.” Changkyun gave a sad smile and motioned towards the door. “I’m going to be late for work if I don’t hurry, I’m sorry. I’ll talk to you later.”

“I gotta head off myself anyway, I don't wanna miss work myself. See ya man.” Wonho walked off with a reluctant expression glued to his face. Changkyun locked the door behind him and made a beeline for the box Wonho had left for him. He knew what this was doing to him, but it was the only thing that made the high-speed thought traffic in his mind ease off. An escape attempt, sure, but he’d come clean soon he promised himself continuously. Upon opening it Changkyun exuded a relieved sigh, grabbed the container of Ketamine pills inside and swallowed one of them. They usually didn’t come in pill form, but Wonho had put the powder inside empty placebo pills to eliminate the anxiety of needles. As a doctor, Changkyun had no issues administering medicine to his patients with needles, but he couldn’t stand thinking about using them on himself. I’m going to repay him somehow… he’s all I have left, Changkyun thought to himself. He grabbed his keys and everything he needed for the day before heading down to the parking lot and into his car.

The pills had started to kick in shortly before he arrived at the Gocheok Hospital where he worked, and started a hallucination after parking. He gave a breathy sigh, trying to stabilize himself, and looked around as the interior of the car began to bubble and twist to resemble his apartment home again. There was a bright light shining in through the open window that illuminated the entire area. It was much cleaner than before, and the sun coming through the drawn curtains invited a feeling of lazy comfort. Changkyun shifted on the couch and took a deep breath to try and remind himself that he was revisiting a memory, not reality; but the air rolled in and brought a sharp tang of a lemon and grapefruit fragrance coming from a head of bright pink hair lying in his lap.

“Please don’t go to work today.” The man hummed, slowly lifting his pout to catch Changkyun’s gaze. He playfully flashed a smile and wiggled his body trying to be cute. It was a pretty convincing display.

“You know I have to, Kihyun. Someone around here has to work anyway.” He teased. They embraced each other closely while Changkyun stroked Kihyun’s hair. The warmth of the sun tracked its way crawling over his skin, but felt nothing like the warmth that Kihyun filled his chest with.

“Hm, fine. But! You have to make it up to me when you get home. We are going to go eat, celebrate, and no excuses!” Kihyun waited for a response as he tangled their fingers together.

“I promise”, Changkyun said as he undid their knot of fingers to loop their pinkies together. Kihyun climbed up his body to kiss him deeply and Changkyun’s mind faded back to staring at the parking lot of the hospital with tears stinging his eyes. He sat in silence with his thoughts for a while before gathering himself up and headed into the building. No more distractions today. The nurses waiting at the service desk perked up as he stepped through the front doors. One of them, whose badge read “Anna”, began gathering up files and presented them to him when he walked up.

“Good morning hun! You have a couple of appointments later today that I left files waiting for you on your desk.” She fashioned the largest smile she could manage to beam at him while the nurses sitting behind her whispered and giggled. He cocked a half smile while fingering the folders she handed him and thanked her quietly, moving on towards the elevator. “Did you see?” Anna’s face was flushed as she sat back down to gossip with the rest of the nurses. As Changkyun took a step to enter the elevator he felt his heart stop as he saw a familiar face with dancing pink hair waiting for him against its walls. He immediately dropped his gaze, boarded the lift, and chose his floor destination. Kihyun stood in silence, smiling and staring at him the rest of the way. Once Changkyun finally reached his floor he stepped off continuing to ignore his presence while gripping at his chest. His heart felt as if it had combusted into a wild flame. It licked at his very lungs making it difficult to breathe.

He reached his office finally and settled into his desk while fighting back the tears welling in his eyes. Slowly he blew air out from his mouth and stared at the files set before him. Focus, Changkyun, you have to focus. With a two-ton brick resting just under his rib cage he scattered them across his desk to skim them over. All of his patients were a variety of cases, whether they suffered from malignant tumors or benign cysts. Changkyun thought back to when he was in medical school and wondered why instead of feeling satisfaction from helping others he was just constantly barraged by the presence of death. It seemed to cling to him recently, and it was beginning to hold a significant weight over him. A phone call suddenly came through and informed him that his first patient had arrived and was waiting for him in the exam room. Changkyun lingered in his thoughts a bit while heading to meet the patient, still wondering if this life was flourishing as he needed it to be. He entered the room where two men were seated inside waiting for him. “Erik?” He called out, holding an open file in both hands. The man sitting to the right gave him a weak smile and waved his hand. “A pleasure” said Changkyun, “I’ll be your oncologist. You can call me Changkyun.” He shook both their hands then took a seat at the table in front of them and flipped through his file. “Now, it looks like your biopsy came back negative and your growth is very benign.” They both gave an audible sigh of relief and grabbed each other’s hands for support. “I know how stressful it can be to hear that you have a cyst and not know what that may entail for you, so I’m happy I could deliver good news to you today. I would like to see you again for a follow up to make sure it doesn’t change, but breathe easy now.”

“Thank you so much doctor!” Changkyun nodded to them, wished them a good day, and left for his next patient gripping her folder tightly. He entered the next room and shook a woman’s hand.

“Nice to meet you Mira, I’m your oncologist, Changkyun.” She was alarmingly petite he noted.

“Thank you, doctor”. She gripped his hand tightly and wore the unmistakable mask of anxiety. Squirming in her seat and fidgeting with her hands while she seemed to be waiting for some sort of judgement to be passed onto her. Just as before, Changkyun took his seat in front of her and looked over her file. His heart plummeted. “Miss, it seems that the tumor has spread to your lymph nodes. I’m very sorry to be the one to tell you this.” She sat in silence for what seemed like an age. “We can try chemotherapy if you’d like, that is an option, but it may bring you into even greater pain. Otherwise, you aren't looking at the long life that many of us are supposedly promised anymore.” Mira sat in silence with her head hung between her shoulders. He gave her the time she need to process this news until she finally looked up at Changkyun with tears streaming down her eyes and a smile full of what seemed to be hope.

“No, I think I will simply stay with my family and live out my time. My siblings need a strong person to look up to, you know? And I have to be that for them even if that means my time here is cut early. I’m... all that they have...” She sat in her thoughts for a short moment and finally nodded to confirm her final decision, trying her best not to get choked up. Changkyun hesitated, but understood the woman’s wishes and made the notes in her file.

“If you ever need to see me don’t hesitate to make an appointment. Regardless of your decision I will be here for you for any amount of pain or however uncomfortable you may feel in the coming months.” He walked over to her and handed his business card so she could reach him personally if she needed.

“Thank you for understanding.” Changkyun wished her well and stepped out of the room with a heavy heart. He couldn’t understand completely her resolution, there was no way. Wouldn’t she want to remain strong for her family by fighting, instead? Maybe she meant that she didn’t want them to see her body react to the chemo treatment since it breaks down so gradually. There was nothing he could do if she did not want to be saved, so he decided to try and put it from his mind.

In the elevator Changkyun dug in his pocket, palmed another pill, and forced it down his throat. He began to seriously question whether he could continue to put up with this anymore. The constant limbo of good news, bad news, and so forth was becoming a mental and emotional strain. He only wanted to help people but all there was to do lately was deliver death certificates. As he entered his office Changkyun was again greeted by a silent Kihyun. He was taken aback realizing who it was, then resolved to ignore him again and walk straight to his desk. He tried to shut out his piercing smile that lingered over his own face. A knock from the door resounded within the room and Anna walked in with rose colored cheeks, obviously embarrassed from barging in. “I-I’m sorry to intrude on you like this but I was wondering if you might join me for lunch? I know how busy you must be and you know it’s silly of me to asking the first pla-“

“Yes”, Changkyun interjected.

“…What?” she said, dumbfounded.

“Yes, I will join you.” Changkyun’s expression was blank as he waited for her response. He kept stealing glances towards where Kihyun was seated. If there was any way to escape this uncomfortable situation it was by entertaining the nurse who seemed admittedly smitten with him. Anna gathered herself again and replied, “Right…” Gaining confidence she continued, “I’ll meet you in the cafeteria then!” He nodded in agreement and she nearly tripped over her own feet in her excitement to get out the door. Changkyun sat in silence for a while before deciding to take two more pills then stepped out to meet with Anna. He bought himself an iced coffee and found an empty table near a window while he waited. The garden outside was bursting with new life. Emerald leaves coated the branches of trees that danced in the day’s breeze and gave homes to nesting birds. Wildflowers were pushing themselves up through the ground to feed upon the sun’s ever piercing light. It was the time of rebirth, where the death of winter was forgiven and creatures great and small began again.

“Thank you so much for sitting with me today.” Anna settled in the seat across from him carrying a sandwich and some tea. “I usually sit in here by myself when I’m not swamped with patients. It can get pretty lonely.” She pursed her lips and stared at Changkyun awaiting a response. He pulled himself from his fixation and thought on her words before replying.

“I usually eat in my office.” He held his drink close to him and let his eyes again glaze over scene he had been admiring outside.

“Ah, that only makes sense. I’m sure it’s very peaceful.” The nurse began to struggle to continue with words for the conversation considering Changkyun didn’t have much to say. He was lost in between the present and elsewhere in his mind. As he initiated the drift he began to imagine lazy smiles and sunlit rooms in the afternoon. Revisiting the vision he had in the car when he arrived that morning. A warm and fuzzy sensation crept across his face until the hum of a flat-line filled his ears and sent him into panic mode. He snapped back into a lucid state and soon realized he was standing over Anna cleaning his spilled drink. “I…I’m sorry I have to go.”

“NO!” she shouted, her face went flush with embarrassment and he stopped where he was as she continued in a softer tone “I’ll walk you to your office”. She escorted him out and back into the lift supporting him by grabbing his shoulders. Once they reached his office Anna opened the door and Changkyun sat himself down on the couch staring into space. She closed the door behind them and sat next to him, stroking the hair from his face. “What happened back there, huh? You seemed to just kind of zone out then all of a sudden stood up and dropped your drink.” He kept his attention to the floor and remained silent. “Ok, well you don’t have to tell me… but I do have something that I wanted to give to you.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a bag with tiny blue pills inside. “I know how much you’ve been hurting lately, so I wanted to give you something to help you escape – even if for a little while. It may be a little unorthodox, but just this one time shouldn’t hurt anything, right?” He finally looked up at her; his eyes were filled with so much pain. He took a couple of the pills from her and swallowed them on the spot. “Besides”, Anna giggled, “if anything happens you are just lucky enough to have a real-life nurse at your side!”

He fell back into the couch and waited for his reality to melt away and transform into something new. After a few moments had passed Changkyun felt a slight pressure all over his body. His heartbeat raced and he began to feel extremely warm. What felt like fingers started to weave themselves through his hair in a precise and repetitive rhythm. It was so relaxing, they felt like they had become a part of him and maybe he could rest and fall asleep here. Another hand then caressed his face, every ridge of its skin he could feel resisting his own. The fingers began to trace his lips slowly before finally slipping between them. He took a breath and accepted it by taking it further into his mouth, releasing a soft moan and swirling his tongue around as it prodded in and out. A third began to glide over his stomach and chest, mapping out the crevices of his abdomen. These sensations were overwhelming; Changkyun didn’t know where to focus. Then finally, a fourth ran up his thigh where an intense weight lingered over his growing member. There were countless hands and fingers and nails sliding across every single inch of his body. Changkyun moaned heavily around the fingers fucking his mouth. He opened his eyes and turned his head to the side to see Anna sitting next to him simply staring at his ecstasy. Her fingers locked through his hair as she finally leaned forwards and kissed him deeply on the mouth. He felt himself melt into her as sparks of life danced across his face. He hadn’t felt this way in a long time. She climbed into his lap before disconnecting their faces to leave a trail of bites along his ear, neck, and collar bone. A feint fruit-like smell wafted throughout the room as he tried to focus on what he was feeling. He felt every point of pressure magnified. Changkyun grabbed Anna's hips and bucked into her in response to her advances. If there was a kiss one place it was suddenly in a thousand other places at the same time. Changkyun couldn’t take it anymore – he began to grasp at the buttons on his pants to remove them underneath her. “I need you”, he breathed, not looking her in the eye. She stared into him for a moment as she couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Anna helped him throw off his pants and underwear and followed suit with hers as well. They were both locked in a sloppy, passionate kiss as she braced herself with his shoulders and lowered herself onto his erection. She gave a deep growl as his girth stretched and filled her cunt. He threw his head back and let out an exasperated cry at the sensation, grabbing onto her hips to dig himself deeper. Anna held Changkyun close to her chest as she grinded herself onto his dick. She dipped down and began to suck on his earlobe and leave gentle nibbles. “You’re mine now”, she whispered into his ear. She adopted quicker movements and clenched herself around his shaft, releasing quiet breaths with each down stroke. He leaned down and mouthed at her breasts, his tongue skillfully rounding her nipples. She began to push faster and harder for his release and he dug his face into her collar bone to mask his deep moans. Anna grabbed him by the sides of his throat and held him to the back of the couch as she rocked him in and out of her soaked pussy. Changkyun couldn’t take it anymore – she gave a surprised yelp as he suddenly pulled her to him by wrapping his arms under hers and held her by the shoulders so that his shaft was as deep as he could manage. He pumped himself furiously into her until there was a searing heat in the pit of his stomach like a fire he could no longer contain. “Fuck!” he grunted as he finally released his cum into her, filling her core. Changkyun clung to Anna for a short time attempting to catch his breath before falling back into the couch in a daze. She giggled and removed herself, looking back only to see him spaced completely out and breathing heavy. “Oh shit, I have to go… I’ll catch up with you later Changkyun”. She gathered her belongings and closed the door behind her.

Changkyun lingered on the couch in silence staring into space easing his breathing down before finally bursting into tears and withdrawing into himself. All he could think of in that moment was Kihyun and their quiet afternoons spent embraced with each other at home. Everything felt like him, smelled like him, tasted like him. He didn’t want anyone else.

Anna continued to coerce Changkyun to become intoxicated during their meetings and took advantage of him in an effort to gain his affection. She believed that eventually he would come around to see that he really cared for her, and what they had was unique – despite his ritualistic callouts for Kihyun during their moments of intimacy. A couple of weeks later, on the way towards his office for another of her scheduled sessions she walked by a group of gossiping orderlies. “There’s Anna! She really is such a kind soul for being there for Changkyun with what he’s been going through recently. I’ve never seen him so down, hopefully she can get him to turn himself around.” She smiled at herself because she didn’t realize that others were seeing everything she was doing for him too. Soon enough he’ll learn to move on and accept me, she thought to herself. He had been obsessed over Kihyun for far too long and it was in the past anyway, she was his future now. Anna knocked and opened the door to his office and closed the door behind her. For some reason the lights were out, so she flipped the switch and turned towards his desk. “I’m here for your check up!” She hummed, attempting to start a little game with him; but he wasn’t at his desk or anywhere in the room that she could see. She heard muffled noises coming from behind the desk. When she went to investigate her heart stopped the instant her gaze fell upon Changkyun. He was in the middle of the floor seizing and foaming at the mouth, pills scattered around his desk. “Oh my god” she whispered to herself. “I…I’m going to go get help, please don’t fall asleep.” Then ran out the door screaming for anyone to come and help. Changkyun’s convulsions slowed to a stop before finally shutting his eyes and dissolving deep into his subconscious before he was escorted to the emergency room.

After blacking out, Changkyun descended into another dreamscape of memories. He endlessly fell amongst a dark void where the silence was deafening. All he could reach out for in his mind was the desire to feel warmth. And yet here he fell for what seemed like an eternity, until finally opening his eyes where he was lying on the couch in his apartment living room – again. Kihyun was soundly resting on top of him locked in a tight embrace. As he drew a deep breath he had found the familiar scent that lingered with him all too vivid. Changkyun sat them both upwards and stared longingly into his eyes. With the most serious yet soothing voice he could muster he said, “Kihyun, I want to marry you.” With baited breath he pulled a small dark blue box from underneath the couch and revealed a black band with fire opals set into it. Kihyun’s face was paralyzed with shock and he hesitated from being unsure of the right words to say. Soon after he began to tear up and slowly nodded his head with a toothy smile holding back his tears. Before he could let out his sobs of joy Changkyun cupped his face in his hands and kissed him as deeply as possible, pulling him close. Changkyun pulled away with their foreheads still touching and in an almost sing song voice said “I love you so much, I’ve never known anyone that I could be so absolute with before. I can be myself around you and-”. Kihyun pressed his lips against Changkyun again and laughed “I love you too. You don’t have to get into an excited talking fit.”

Kihyun ran his hands fluid up Changkyun’s chest where they rested on the crook of his neck and held him there. He connected with Changkyun again, this time straddling him on the couch while they passionately kissed and melded into each other. He removed his shirt and bent down to whisper in Changkyun’s ear. “I want you like this for the rest of our lives” he giggled then began to trail light bites up and down his neck, to his ears, and kissed him deeply again. A light moan of appreciation escaped from Changkyun’s lips as his hand traveled downwards now and snaked under his pants to stroke his growing erection. Appreciation evolved to lust as Changkyun pulled Kihyun closer to return the biting, only harder and more feverish. “Mm, just like that baby” he continued to vocalize his pleasure into Kihyun’s ear while he was massaging his engorged shaft. Content with his work thus far, Kihyun began removing the rest of his clothes, pulling down his underwear and allowing his own erection to spring free. He then began to work on Changkyun’s pants, only then to bend down and take his length into his mouth. Pressing his tongue flush against the underside, Kihyun bobbed up and down the shaft and held the base with his free hand. He was massaging the rim of his own anus and moaned around the dick in his mouth. “Fuck.” Changkyun’s breathing had become raspy and labored from the stimulation and he ran his fingers through Kihyun’s hair, slightly pushing the base of his head to encourage more. Kihyun began to slow himself before finally stopping to trail kisses up Changkyun’s body. He lifted up to position himself just above his swollen cock and then with one hand keeping it steady slowly eased himself down onto it. “God, Changkyun” he groaned deeply as Changkyun entered him, letting him adjust to the size. Kihyun patiently worked into a rhythm while the two kissed each other. Their pace quickened now and he dipped down to whisper in Changkyun’s ear, “baby I want you to fuck me like it’s the last thing we do”. Changkyun groaned and slid his hands underneath Kihyun’s arms to lock onto his shoulders and then pushed him hard into his cock. “Fuck!” they both breathed and Changkyun continued pumping into him.

“Kihyun I’m close, ah” the pressure was building in his testicles he started to slow his pace as he felt about to explode but Kihyun grabbed his thigh and told him to keep going. Changkyun worked back into his former pace, obeying. He began to grunt as he could feel himself about to tip over the edge. Kihyun reached between the both of them to help relieve his own pressure when he felt Changkyun grow stiff and then incredible warmth enveloped inside him. He heard whimpers and whines as he slowly rode out Changkyun’s high until he reached his own peak and ejaculated all across Changkyun’s stomach and chest. They both lay there while trying to catch their breath in each other’s arms.

Warmth was exactly what Changkyun had felt in that moment, he closed his eyes and it crept into every corner of his being. He felt whole. Beginning to shift he opened his eyes to find a hospital bed and Anna hovering over him. She felt incredibly guilty for instigating his overdose, it was written all over her face. “I’m so sorry” she began crying to him. “I thought this would help you forget what had happened. I thought for sure once you felt better we could have a chance together.” She fought back tears and stroked his hand. “I’m sure once you’re out of this coma you’ll see just how much I care about you.”

Changkyun pulled back, and realized he was still lost in his mind wandering around in a dark hallway before coming across a door. He opened it to see Kihyun in a hospital bed like the one he had just been in and rushed towards him in an anxious fit. “Oh my god Kihyun, what happened to you? I got a call letting me know you were here and I came as quickly as I could. Are you ok?” he said, absolutely panicked. “I’m fine. I just got into a little car accident is all.” He smiled big at Changkyun to lighten his spirits. Changkyun forced a smile back but stared at his fiancé covered in bruises and cuts. Kihyun could see through his fake smile and tried reassuring him. “The car looks much worse than I do, love.” He winked at him with another huge smile and Changkyun wondered how he could be this calm. The doctor tending to Kihyun knocked at the door before stepping in. “Ah Changkyun, right on time. Don’t worry too much now, he may look banged up but we gave him some pain killers and he’ll pull through just fine. He’s going to need lots of rest though, and I know he’ll be in very capable hands when he’s cleared to leave.” Changkyun offered the doctor a smile of relief and thanked him. The attending checked all of his vitals and made notes on his files then excused himself. Changkyun went to Kihyun, grabbed his hand and gave him a tender kiss on his forehead. “I’ll be fine hun, I promise. I want you to go home and rest.” Kihyun tried relieving his stress but Changkyun argued. “No, I’m staying right here with you until you can leave. You wouldn’t be here anyway if I hadn’t gotten called to stay after my shift was up. Tonight, was supposed to be for us, remember? We’re celebrating after all” Changkyun lifted Kihyun’s hand to show him the ring he had given to him and wiggled it back and forth.

Kihyun gave a light giggle and replied, “Go home baby. I will be right here waiting to see you in the morning. We have the rest of forever to celebrate anyway you know.” Kihyun expressed a toothy wink and brought Changkyun’s hand to his face to give it a kiss. “I love you. I’ll be here waiting for you.”

“I love you too, and I promise that I will be back first thing in the morning to entertain you.” “I’ll hold you to that!” Changkyun bent down and gave him a kiss on his forehead and turned out the door, nearly smacking into a nurse coming in. “Oh Anna, it’s you. I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention.” “No worries doll, just coming in to check on our special guest is all. Go get some rest he’s in good hands” She rushed him off and closed the door behind her. Changkyun reluctantly went home that night with the equivalent of what felt like a bowling ball sitting on top of his heart. He felt responsible for the accident and was going to do his best to make it up to Kihyun in the morning.

The following day he woke up as early as possible and nervously rushed down to the hospital. A group of nurses welcomed him at the desk, including Anna, who Changkyun felt was staring holes into him, but he brushed it off and continued on his way. He reached Kihyun’s room, flowers in hand, to greet him and see how he was doing. He carefully opened the door and realized that the room was silent. He walked over to the bed and saw that Kihyun was sleeping. Changkyun walked over slowly to wake him but he just wouldn’t budge. “Damn, I know you’re a heavy sleeper but even this is weird for you hun.” As he continued to try his best to rouse his fiancé it dawned on him that his skin was ice cold. Changkyun’s heart sank and began to race all at the same time. Smashing the panic button several times on Kihyun’s bed trying to keep his breath steady but no one came to his call. “What the fuck!” He ran out of the room and called for anyone to rush to his help. “Someone please! Get a doctor! Anyone! My fiancé isn’t waking up!” Soon after, one of the attending doctors rushed in with a nurse and raced to check his vitals. “Why are these damn machines off!” yelled the doctor. They asked Changkyun to wait outside while they attempted to resuscitate him. Changkyun tried his best to remain calm as he paced back and forth in front of the room Kihyun was in. Using exercises to keep his blood pressure and heart rate down and holding back tears as best he could. There was no way he could leave just like that, he was supposed to be fine. The doctor finally opened the door after what seemed like hours and asked him to step in. “I’m so sorry Changkyun.” He swallowed hard. “It was too late to do anything for him, and we tried everything we could. It looked like he suffered from organ failure overnight possibly... due to the trauma of the accident.”

“You told me he’d make a full recovery with rest… and now… he has organ failure from trauma?” All Changkyun could do is look down. He couldn’t face Kihyun or the doctor just yet.

“I know, and I’m sorry. It must have been something we missed during his initial testing. Unfortunately, it is something that can happen even with extensive tests. We’ll leave you with him for a while. When you’re ready you can review his charts, and let us know what you decide to… do.” Changkyun could tell he was using his words carefully to not upset him further, but what more could he say? His fiancé was just pronounced dead. Dead and gone and now Changkyun felt more alone than he ever had. The doctor and nurse left the room, leaving Changkyun finally staring at a lifeless Kihyun. A husk of the constant laughter that rang through his soul every day, now deafened. He walked over to him, stroked the hair from his face and began to sob quietly. “We were supposed to grow old together. Why would you leave me like this?” A few small tear drops fell onto Kihyun’s face, frozen in time. “I can’t do this on my own Kihyun. You are my everything. What am I supposed to do without you?” Changkyun completely broke down into tears at this point and rested his head in the crook of Kihyun’s arm to muffle his sobs.

The room suddenly began to dissolve and fade. It now resembled a funeral home complete with rows of flowers and grieving loved ones. Changkyun lifted his head from his arms to see a perfectly groomed, peaceful Kihyun, no... his husk resting in his coffin. He stood and walked over to where he lay. Wet, hot tears stung Changkyun’s face. Kihyun was forever frozen in time; it was him but not all in the same. There was no laughter in his face, no love in his eyes. Changkyun laid an arrangement of flowers next to him and squeezed his arm but immediately felt sick from how stiff it was. “I love you so much Kihyun.” He choked. “And I always will. We will be together again. Just keep waiting for me, please.” He bent down and gave him a light, lingering kiss on his cold forehead.

He lifted himself and opened his eyes to see another hospital room, only he was in bed this time. Anna was sitting in the corner playing on her phone when she looked up and screamed. “Oh my god Changkyun you’re finally awake!” She scrambled over to his bedside and looked him over. “Take it easy hun, you’ve been out cold for 3 days.” “What?!” Changkyun’s heart started racing. “How much have I missed? What happened?” His head felt clearer now than it had in months and it was absolutely awful. “Changkyun, you over did it a bit with your pills and overdosed in your office. I found you convulsing on the floor and after you had calmed down you just slept for a long time. The seizure was mild enough to just knock you out for a few days. The good news is that you already ran through most of your withdrawals in your sleep, so it should be smooth sailing from here. I've been here waiting for you this whole-time and...” Anna's words blurred to incoherent noise as Changkyun realized what was going on. He was sober? No wonder he had so many dreams. He then realized exactly what he had been dreaming about, it all came rushing back to him and he burst into tears then. Everything he had worked so hard to erase or dull was now prominent on his mind. Anna became alarmed. “Changkyun what’s wrong?!” She held him close to her and stroked his back. He took deep breaths in between sobs and just lay there motionless in her arms. “I…I had dreams – no…memories…of Kihyun.” Changkyun then felt her body grow rigid and looked up at her. He found a kind of anger in her eyes he had never seen before. She quickly changed her composition as she noticed his puzzled look and tried to reassure him. “Aw, Changkyun. I know you’re still beating yourself up about what happened, even after all this time, but there was nothing you or anyone could have done. It's best just to leave it in the past you know.” “I know, but the reason it eats at me is because he was perfectly fine just hours before I had left. I could see it all so clearly-” “No use in worrying about it now hun.” She cut him off before he could go any further. “You know mistakes are made and things can be overlooked. We are all human after all, and that includes unfortunate mortality. We just don't realize how fragile we can be until it's... too late.” Anna became physically uncomfortable and kept trying to get him off the subject but it was no use. Changkyun was lucid and fresh on the thoughts thanks to his memory dip. “I’m not denying that, but all of his machines were cut off and his panic button wasn’t even working either. That’s not normal Anna.” She got chills when he said her name in that tone, so she resolved to adopt a louder voice. “Maybe they were just getting ready to release him. Let’s not talk about this anymore Changkyun it’s just going to upset you and you only just woke up. What do you say you and I go back to your place for some relaxation, huh? Get your mind off things!” She started tugging at his shirt playfully but Changkyun wanted to fight back. “Who was in his room last?” More of a demand than a question, she pushed herself off him and started to gather her things. “Hmm…” she stalled. “You know, I’m not sure.” “You were the last one in there when I left.” He was being curt now. He felt she was hiding something. “Oh yeah? I’m sure someone else could have gone in to check on him after me.” She was trying to laugh his accusations off. Changkyun stared at her now, expressionless. “You weren’t even scheduled to work that night though, I remember you texting me asking to grab a drink with you.” “They called me in, just like they called you. It was busy that night. Listen, I’m going to go get you cleared for release ok? Wait just a minute.” She shot him a smile and rushed out the door before he could protest any longer. Changkyun sat in his bed starting to put pieces together. He suddenly felt sick. Something wasn’t right, and Anna was definitely hiding something. The bottom line was that he knew now that Kihyun certainly did not die on his own, and Changkyun was going to pull the truth.

They rode home in a taxi together in painful silence. Once they reached his apartment door she stopped in front of it before going in. “I have a surprise for you!” She swung it wide open and Changkyun’s heart dropped into his stomach then exploded into a million little pieces, horrified. The apartment was completely spotless. Nothing was how he had left it. It wasn’t home anymore, at least not their home. “Ta-da! Do you like it? I came to grab you a change of clothes while you were out and noticed how filthy this place was. So, I thought I’d surprise you by cleaning it up!” She scrunched her face and looked at him like a proud puppy, though he felt she was a proud puppy that had just taken a giant shit in the floor. He looked around the living room with everything absolutely pristine. Nothing on the floor, no papers, no coffee cups, no cologne bottles. No memories left, like he really was gone now. Changkyun felt his face grow hot with rage. “Why…” He struggled to find the right words; he didn’t know whether to be mean or just plain upset. He decided he didn’t want to be nice. “Why in the fuck would you do something like that? It was like that for a reason. These were mine and Kihyun’s things. I left it just the way he did. It wasn’t your place to-” Tears were stinging his eyes at this point and Anna looked as if she didn’t quite understand. “I mean a thank you would be nice you know. I went through all that just for you. Now you can start to move on- “ “I don’t want to fucking move on. It’s been two months Anna. Two. Months. We were going to get married. He is the love of my life.” “He’s your ex though, he’s gone.” She still didn’t understand what point he could be trying to reach, and it only served to make Changkyun more furious. “He’s not my fucking ex! He’s dead, Anna! He died! Two months ago!” “Oh please” She scoffed once again. “He wasn’t right for you anyway. I saw right through the both of you. I did you a favor, you know.” He stopped cold at this silent confession. His own heartbeat went silent in his ear and he just stared at her with wild eyes. “What favor was that?” She was fidgeting but regained her confidence “I told you, he wasn’t right for you.” “And what, you are?” He yelled, hoping that was a stupid question. She recoiled a bit but stood her ground, there was no turning back now. “Yes! Holy fuck, yes! I’ve seen the way you look at me Changkyun, don’t deny it. You can't. I saw how unhappy you were all the time so I had to do something. For you…for us! Fate just so happened to be on my side that night. I went drinking without you since you stood me up and I wrecked my car, it just so happened to be him. All you cared about was him though, you didn't even respond to my messages when I told you that I had gotten into an accident.” She began to giggle. “I knew it didn’t put him off though and that he’d end up at our hospital anyway so I just showed up in my uniform. At that point I’d been given a second chance and I wasn’t going to waste it.” Changkyun stared at her with his mouth wide open. There was a fire burning inside of him and the flames licked at his fingertips as he curled his fist tight. “You murderous bitch. We’re co-workers Anna.” He tried his best to speak calmly. “If you call me being polite secret code for wanting to fuck you then you’re more insane than I originally thought.” “You’re just in denial.” She laughed. “And if I recall correctly you did fuck me! It was so easy anyway, as soon as you left the room I just injected ricin into his IV and unplugged his machines. He slipped off into his sleep.” She looked to be reminiscing as she continued her montage. “You can’t tell me those nights of passion we shared weren’t love, Changkyun. Ugh, you wanted me so badly. Your beautiful cock was so welcoming.” She raised a finger to her mouth and giggled – her attempt at being seductive to assuage the situation. "Now that this is all out of the way and you're better, you should take me right here on the couch. Oh, that'd be fun!" “You drugged me you delusional bitch.” Changkyun felt there was no reasoning with her at this point. She was too far gone. “You could have convinced anyone to fuck you at that point.” “It was the only way I knew how to get close to you, though, and I’d say it certainly worked. If it gives you any closure he tried yelling your name a few times as he slipped off. Poor thing, I would imagine gradual cell death might be pretty painful. I didn’t really think about it too much. He really did love you though, but we can all move on now that everything is aired out!”

Changkyun had reached his breaking point, and, in a fit of rage, grabbed Anna by her throat and threw her to the floor of the apartment squeezing as tightly as he could around her esophagus. She looked at him with pleading eyes, grabbing at his hands trying to claw herself free. She started kicking at him and they both fell over in the struggle. Ana tried her best to push her body upright to escape but Changkyun crawled on top of her and wrapped his hands around her throat again with even more force than before. She gasped out with tears in her eyes and bloodshot cheeks searching for any sort of air to relieve the pressure, then finally went limp. He stood over her, arms still coiled around her throat, trying to catch his breath before finally realizing what he had done and fell back.

He began to panic and hyperventilate. He had lost everything, his fiancé, his life, now he was going to lose his job and his freedom. Death seemed to follow him and pluck from his basket everything he held dear. He searched around the room for the remains of the box Wonho had given him. It was hidden underneath a lap table and he consumed every last pill inside. He didn’t know what else to do, he needed relief. If death was going to follow him he would gladly walk alongside it. He just wanted to be as numb as absolutely possible. He decided to check Anna’s pockets in case she had anything on her and of course, she did. Changkyun could only wonder how she was going to take advantage of him using this goddamn bottle. A full bottle of Ketamine pills just like the ones Wonho had given to him with instructions inside.

Do not consume more than two in a 24-hour period.

He downed the entire container and forced them down his throat, then collapsed on the floor in a fit of tears. Nothing would ever be the same again, and he didn't want any part of it. Not if this was the way the world is. Not if he'd be constantly stripped of the only happiness in life he managed to grasp. His mind began to haze and he felt sharp warmth envelop him as what felt like hands gripped him tight. He stared off into space and a miasma of lemon and grapefruit seduced his senses.

Kihyun.

His entire body became paralyzed, frozen on the floor in front of the couch. He closed his eyes and couldn’t help but smile. Everything was so warm and weightless, just the way he always felt with Kihyun. Upon opening them again Kihyun himself was smiling back at him while humming a song and began to stroke Changkyun’s hair. He gave a soft chuckle and went to sit at Changkyun's side.

“Kihyun” Changkyun’s voice cracked. Kihyun kept singing while stroking his hair. His voice was soft like velvet and it was making him very sleepy. The world was so heavy now, pressing down on his whole body instead of his heart for once. Everything would be fine as long as Kihyun was with him, though. Changkyun wiped his mouth, wet with a white foam, and tried his best to keep his eyes open though they protested. How could he sleep when he finally had Kihyun back with him?

“Kihyun, I’m scared.” He whispered.

“Shh” Kihyun whispered back. He pushed the hair out of Changkyun’s face and gently stroked his arm. “I’m here for you. I always have been, and always will be.” He felt everything, he knew he was really there with him. Kihyun placed a soft kiss on Changkyun's cheek and hugged him tight.

Tears poured from Changkyun’s eyes. “I’m... s-so... sorry” He choked out. “I feel like I let you down. I… I just miss-ed you so much… and I- I didn’t know what else to do.” He tried his best to form the words he wanted to say, but his mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton and marshmallows.

“You have done no such thing. Just relax now.” Changkyun slowly broke into small convulsions in his limbs as his body began to shut down.

“You’re here with me now Changkyun. Everything will be ok, I promise.” His whole body was twisting itself now as Kihyun held tightly onto him. He couldn’t control it anymore. He felt himself slipping away as he lost all sense of physical being. His body didn't belong to him anymore, and it was as if it were fighting to contain Changkyun within.

“Just let go Changkyun.” Changkyun choked a laugh and began to violently seize. He pitifully twisted and writhed while Kihyun whispered sweet things into his ear still holding onto him tight until he finally went limp and one tiny sigh escaped his drenched lips.

The apartment was quiet now; Changkyun was lying lifeless in front of the living room couch when a breeze lazily swelled into the room from an open window. The sun had begun to set and it seemed the whole world stopped in this moment.

Just then, a knock from the door broke the silence. “Changkyun?” Wonho’s muffled voice echoed throughout the apartment and he knocked again. “Changkyun are you home? I’ve been trying to text you for days now and it isn’t like you not to answer. Hello?”

#mxnetwork #mxwriters #changkinet #dependence #changki angst #monsta x angst

41 notes · View notes