#bullying mention cw

[hatecharredarch]

Brain  rot  thoughts  of  the  day  about  Toya's  childhood.  Its  a  canon  thing  that  he  was  very  small  growing  up.  He  was  nearly  14  when  his  flames  started  changing  colour  but  he  didn't  "properly"  hit  puberty  until  around  15,  which  he  was  entirely  comatose  for.  This  is  kinda  a  source  of  some  mental  trauma  for  him  because  honestly,  it  was  real  difficult  to  go  from  being  one  thing  and  then  wake  up  a  completely  other  thing. 

He  didn't  get  to  "psychologically"  ease  into  the  changes  of  his  body  slowly,  he  just  woke  up  and  it  was  all  different  and thats  helped  create  a  huge  disconnect  he  feels  with  himself,  the  whole,  not  being  able  to  properly  feel  sensations  anymore  on  top  of  that.  Dabi  usually  feels  like  he  just  a  consciousness  in  a  shell  sometimes,  he's  barely  even  inhabiting  a  body  that  he's  not  even  sure  is  his  anymore  and  thats  not  good  for  the  mental  health. 

Anyway,  needless  to  say,  Toya  struggled  with  having  a  comfortable,  forfuilling  social  life  outside  of  his  siblings  when  he  was  young.  Fuyumi  and  Natsuo  were  his  only  real  friends,  with  Natsuo  probably  considered  Toya's  best  friend,  even  though  Natsuo  was  only  8.  Toya's  stature  was  so  short  and  slight  however,  compaired  to  his  brother  who  was  ironicly  the  oppsite  and  very  tall  for  an  8  year  old,  it  was  a  frequent  occurence  that  to  see  the  two  of  them  together  would  result  in  Toya  being  mistken  for  the  8  year  old  Natsuo  as  the 13  year  old  btween  them.  

It  wasn't  just  Toya's  'drive'  to  be  a  hero  that  'isolated'  him  from  other  kids.  He  didn't  actually  intentionally  do  that  to  himself,  but  other  kids  weren't  very  accepting  of  him  so  he  found  comfort  in  his  father's  concept  of  heros  belonging  in  a  different  world  and  that  really  did  help  fuel  Toya's  drive  to  try  prove  himself  to  his  dad  even  though  he  was  actively  being  shunned  and  rejected  from  his  dad's  world  too,  by  his  dad,  no  less. 

Yet,  some  part  of  his  sad,  confused  little  brain  felt  he  had  a  better  shot  of  fitting  in  with  his  dad's  world  than  anywhere  else,  particularly  because  he  was  made  aware  that  he  was  born  for  that  purpose  and  was  already  grappling  with  the  concept  of  there  being  no  point  to  him  even  existing  if  he  couldn't  do  that  somehow. 

Honestly,  yeah,  Toya  did  not  have  a  good  time  with  other  people  as  a  kid.  It  wasn't  just  the  "neglect"  from  his  parents  we're  shown  in  canon  that  fucked  him  up.  Also  as  a  quick  side  note  a  lot  of  people  give  Rei  waaaaaaaaaay  too  much  credit  as  a  mother  here.  As  far  as  Toya  went  she  was  almost  as  bad  as  Enji  when  it  came  to  doing  wrong  by  him.  We  get  the  idea  that  she  avoided  him  and  this  had  to  have  been  someway  true  given  Toya  was  SOMEHOW  able  to  sneak  out  to  Sekoto  Peak  ON  HIS  OWN,  not  to  mention  the  fact  he  seemed  to  have  been  able  to  do  this  as  young  as  eight. 

This  was  not  a  boy  who  was  being  looked  after  or  supervised  by  his  parents  and  while  ENJI  was  the  main  'problem'  here  he  DID  have  an  excuse  for  not  keeping  an  eye  on  Toya  at  all  times  given  his  work.  Rei  kinda...  Didn't  have  that  excuse  outside  of  just...  Neglect.  

Which  is  odd  because  we  didn't  see  Rei  being  this  neglectful  of  her  other  children.  She's  always  shown  with  Shoto,  they  have  a  very  close  relationship  previous  to  her  institutionalization,  and  she's  also  usually  shown  with  Natsu  and  Fuyumi  too... Toya's  the  outlier.  ( And  yeah,  real  quick,  we  get  Toya  was  a  very  determined  kid  who  was  difficult  to  control  but  still,  I  can't  imagine  Rei's neglect  of  him  did  anything  to  help  steer  him away  from  his  "unhealthy  obsession"  with  trying  to  prove  his  worth  to  his  dad,  but  yeah. ) 

 Anyway,  being  someone  who  was  noted  as  VERY  "small"  for  their  age  was  one  thing  but  things  stacking  on  top  of  this  was  both  Toya's  quirk  being  one  that  hurts  him,  which  was  treated  as  some  kind  of  taboo  thing,  and  OF  COURSE,  his  dad  being  the  #2  hero  made  things  even  worse.  Being  the  son  of  such  a  popular  and  successful  hero  meant  any  flaw  or  short  coming  Toya  ever  had  was  emphasized  by  about  a  million  and  children  are  cruel.  

Needless  to  say  he  was  bullied  more  often  than  not  for  these  things.  He  got  called  a  runt  or, specifically,  "Endeavor's  runt"  a  lot  as  well  as  the  much  nicer  "Tiny  Toya"  which  followed  him  all  through  school. Other  kids  either  quietly  avoided  him  because  his  quirk  was  dangerous  and  they  tended  to  think  of  him  badly  since  he  was  OFTEN,  especially  when  he  was  younger, covered  in  bandages and/or  gauze  due  to  burning  himself,  or  he  was  pushed  around  and  made  fun  of. 

Some  particularly  nasty  kids  found  it  funny  to  torment  him  because  of  the  fact  he  wasn't  actually  allowed  to  use  his  quirk  due  to  these  things  and  so  the  idea  of  goading  him  to  see  if  they  could  get  him  to  use  it   was  just  a  mean  game, particularly  because  they  could  either  A)  make  him  hurt  himself  with  it  or  B)  if  they  got  hurt  as  a  result  he'd  be  in  a  world  of  trouble.

This  frequent  bullying  wasn't  something  he  really  talked  about  with  anyone  because  he  was  ashamed  of  it,  he  didn't  want  anyone  especially  his  dad  or  really  anyone  else in  his  family  to  know  it  was  a  thing  because  he  didn't  wanna  add  to  any  negative  perceptions  of  him  being  a  failure  somehow. By  the  time  he  was  13  though,  Toya  had  gotten  good  enough  to  mostly  prevent  burning  himself  and  usually  the  burns  he'd  get  were  in  places  he  could  hide  which  was  AGAIN  a  testiment  to  how  good  Toya  had  started  to  get  and  managing  his  fire  power. 

As  a  side  note,  since  this  was  the  time  when  he  nearly  burned  to  death,  Dabi  only  has  about  a  6th-7th  grade  education. He  didn't  even  make  it  to  proper  "highschool",  so  he  never  got  to  UA  or  anything  but  he'd  have  sure  as  fuck  tried  had  things  gone  different. 

#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* 炎 💠 ━◞ Out Of Character ⊱ #⊰ ° ‧: ｡* 炎 💠 ━◞ Headcanons ⊱ #Headcanons #Reposts this once again thinking about how similar Toya and Izuku were #Boy was nearly a Shounen anime protag himself #bullying mention cw #abuse mention cw

[fanbun]

Hm. Good to know tumblr is still cowardly and terminates accounts over shipping of fictional characters. /s

Absolutely idiotic. Art should be allowed to show fucked up shit. Survivors should be allowed to express their trauma through their own work and to be able to share their work with a community so non-artists know they’re not alone.

Art should be allowed to show violence. Art should be able to show rape. Art should be able to show bullying and suicide. Art should be able to show self harm. And a whole lot of other nasty things that make people uncomfortable.

Why can’t we have fun playing with these concepts of toxic pairings? Why is it a frowned upon? Why can’t we defang our own fears and memories so that they don’t constantly torment us? Why can’t we, even for a moment, have fun playing with dolls?

The sanitation of the internet goes hand-in-hand with the sanitation of art and it’s so fucking sad to witness.

#tumblr #vent #rape mention cw #suicide mention cw #self harm mention cw #violence mention cw #bullying mention cw

[inimikal-archive]

Penguin  headcanon  drop,  lamenting  the  fact  tumblr  apparently  completely  deleted  his  old  blog  ( Which  had  to  be  pretty  recent  cos  I  was  still  able  to  access  it  last  month !! )  so  heres  whats  left  of  my  big  ass  hcs  for  him,  nutshelled:  Oswald  was  disabled  in  his  late  20s.  As  a  result.  he  walks  with  a  limp,  giving  him  his  characteristic  “penguin  waddle."  As  is  canon  with  Gotham,  this  was  punishment  for  “snitching”  on  his  then  boss,  Fish  Mooney.  Additionally  he  is  also  blind  in  one  eye  &  wears  a  monocle  over  the  artificial  eye  for  aesthetic  purposes. Technically  he  requires  a  pair  of  reading  glasses,  but  of  course  he  does  not  wear  them  as  much  as  he  should.  Oswald  is  also  a  smoker  &  has  been  since  his  late  teens.  He  always  hid  the  fact  from  his  mother  while  she  was  alive,  due  to  fearing  backlash  from  her.  Sometimes,  when  Oswald  returned  home  smelling  of  “perfume”  his  mother  would  accuse  him  of  being  in  relationships  with  women.  The  truth  was  often  that  Oswald  would  attempt  to  hide  any  cigarette  smell  with  perfume  from  the  woman's  dressing  room  at  Mooney’s.  Oswald’s  smoking  is  very  pronounced  in  his  later  years,  easily  considered  a  ‘chain  smoker’.  This  has  resulted  in  wheezing,  noted  as  Oswald's  iconic  "quack”.

Oswald's  most  notable  quirk  is  his  obsession  with  formal  wear.  He  is  known  most  famously  for  his  immaculate  dress  sense  & rarely  to  never  seen  outside  of  full  & proper  formal  wear  if  he  can  help  it.  He  does  NOT  skimp  on  the  details. For  Oswald  this  means  going  the  full  nine  yards,  including  undergarments  &  all  accessories,  ranging  from  tie  pins  to  cufflinks. Though  Oswald  didn’t  always  dress  this  way  it  has  become  something  that  is  nearing  compulsive  in  his  modern  &  later  years.  I  tend  to  describe  Oswald’s  love  of  suits  in  the  same  way  a  bird  loves  its  feathers  ━  a  bird  with  feather’s  is  beautiful,  a  bird  without  not  so  much.  Due  to  the  dysmorphia  &  low  self-esteem  Oswald  suffers,  Oswald  gets  a  lot  of  confidence  &  comfort  from  his  suits.  In  his  later  life,  Oswald  also  has  his  own  clothing  line  known  as  “K!ng  P!n"  of  course dealing  chiefly  in  formal  wear.  This  is  very  successful.  All  clothing  articles  carry  Oswald's  embodied  "Umbrella"  logo.

Oswald  in  his  later  years  has  came  to  possess  a  dozen  pet  penguins.  They  are  mostly  Gentoo  penguins  &  Oswald  refers  to  them  typically  as  his  babies  &/or  children.  Penguins  are  not  the  only  birds  Oswald  possesses  however  ━  he  also  has  a  pet  vulture  & an  ostrich.  If  left  to  his  own  devices  Oswald  will  somewhat  compulsively  collect  exotic  birds,  at  certain  points  he  has  had  a  house  full  of  birds,  to  the  point  where  it  has  become  a  health  hazard.  As  a  result  in  later  years  its  common  that  he’s  forced  by  authorities  to  surrender  animals  to  various  zoos  around  Gotham.  It  would  be  fair  to  say  he  sometimes  suffers  from  animal  hoarding,  &  though  he  means  no  harm  to  the  animals  (quite  the  opposite)  this  is  just  one  of  the  more  tragic  manifestations  of  Oswald’s  fluctuating  &  usually  poor  mental  health. 

Oswald  is  exceptionally  intelligent  though  he  doesn't  posses  any  form  of  Masters  or  PHD.  In  fact,  Oswald  is  a  high-school  drop  out.  Prior  to  becoming  infamous  as  the  Penguin,  Oswald  was  an  "umbrella  boy" ( a  nice  way  of  saying  "servant  boy”  )  &  ultimately  a  clever  con-man  beyond  that.  Needless  to  say Oswald  had  been  “affiliated"  with  the  Mafia  since  he  was  in  his  late  teens  &  was  about  22  years  old  when  he  began  officially  working  for  Fish  Mooney.  He  spent  at  least  five  years  as  her  personal  servant  before  eventually  seeing  an  opportunity  to  overthrow  her.  As  a  result,  while  Oswald  is  not  overly  academically  gifted,  or  at  least  he  never  had  the  opportunity  to  be  recognised  as  such,  he’s  extremely  cunning,  street  smart,  worldly  &  a  fast  learner.   Naturally,  despite  popular  “caricatures”  of  him  Oswald  is  not  grotesquely  obese   &  nor  does  he  have  fused  fingers.  He  is  also  not  quite  as  short  as  people  make  him  out  to  be.  the  Penguin  of  "rumour"   &   the  Penguin  of  reality  are  quite  different.  In  his  later  years  Oswald  dons  a  receding  hairline,  &  his  hair  in  general  is  not  in  fantastic  quality,  possibly  due  to  a  lifetime  of  constant  bleaching,  cutting  & styling.  He  often  wears  a  top  hat  to  conceal  this  fact.  Again  in  his  later  years  Oswald  is  quite  "pudgy”  &  frequently  goes  on  “diets"  which  usually  entail  simply  starving  himself  on  &  off,  although  occasionally  this  is  less  down  to  dieting  &  more  down  to  depression  /  disinterest  in  eating  &  other  self-care.  Regardless,  Oswald  doesn't  seem  to  understand  his  "diets"  are  as  unhealthy  as  his  eating  habits  as  he  lacks  the  proper  restraint  for  a  "real"  diet,  though  as  a  result  of  this  Oswald’s  weight  is  often  as  fluctuating  as  his  eating  habits. 

Oswald  occasionally  online  dates.  He’s  never  had  any  truly  serious  relationships  particularly  due  to  low  self-confidence  /  fear  of  revealing  himself.  He  is  usually  crushingly  lonely.  One  of  Oswald’s  greatest  goals  in  life  is  to  experience  real  mutual  love.  Despite  his  criminal  lifestyle  &  nasty  reputation,  Oswald  has  a  profound  capacity  for  love  &  compassion.  He  is  as  touch  adverse  as  he  is  touch  starved  which  make  for  an  interesting  combination.  He  pines  for  love  &  affection  but  frequently  shuns  it  &   hides  from  it  simultaneously.  Oswald  grew  up  the  son  of  a  poor  Austrian  immigrant.  He  was  entirely  estranged  from  his  multi-million  air  father,  only  ever  learning  of  his  existence  after  his  mother’s  death  when  Oswald  was  31  years  old. Oswald  was  bullied  harshly  for  his  odd  appearance  &  mannerisms.  His  mother  was  very  overbearing  & their  relationship  was  quite  toxic.  It  would  easily  be  defined  as  "covert  incest”  which  has  had  a  lasting  negative  impact  on  Oswald  &  his  relationships  throughout  his  life. Oswald  isn’t  extremely  open  about  his  sexuality,  either,  both  due  to  fears  of  homophobic  backlash  (Something  drastically  increased  while  his  mother  was  alive.)  &  because  in  someway,  particularly  after  his  mother’s  death  when  Oswald  became  much  more  “”expressive””,  he  kind  of  thinks  if  someone  doesn’t  know  they  don’t  deserve  to  know  or  perhaps  more  those  who  deserve  to  know  already  do  know.  Further, Oswald  grew  up  watching  old  fashioned  gangster  movies,  where  frequently  mafia  men  were  depicted  as  heroes.  Eventually,  Oswald  came  to  idolise  Carmine  Falcone,  seeing  him  as  the  real  life  version  of  his  movie  heroes  &  ultimately  the  great  man  his  mother  told  him  he  would  be.  Needless  to  say,  Oswald’s  view  of  gangsters  &  criminality  were  warped  from  a  young  age  & this  was  only  ever  emphasised  by  the  hash,  backward  reality  of  Gotham’s  streets  &  the  heavily  corrupted  police  force.  When  Oswald  was  young,  his  mother  would  occasionally  do  odd  jobs,  though  perhaps  due  to  her  own  mental  illness  she  never  really  held  anything  down.  They  managed  fine  however,  though  Oswald  never  knew  that  this  was  at  large  to  due  the  decent  sum  of  hush  money  Gertrude  always  received  from  Alida  Van  Dahl,  prior  to  the  latter’s  passing  when  Oswald  was  in  his  mid-late  teens.  This  is  around  the  time  when  Oswald  decided  to  drop  out  of  school  &  find  a  job  due  to  his  mother’s  increasing  stress.  It’s  no  secret  that  Oswald  suffers  from  mental  illness,  though  he  has  found  himself  in  both  imprisoned  in   Arkham  Asylum  &  Blackgate  penitentiary  at  different  points  throughout  his  life  &  it  doesn’t  seem  as  if  Gotham’s  justice  system  can  decide  where  exactly  he  most  belongs.  As  far  as  anything  concreate  goes,  its  theorised  that  Oswald  most  likely  has  STPD  ( Schizotypal  personality  disorder )  which  accounts  for  his  social  anxiety  & all  other  peculiar  traits  &  mannerisms.  He  has  been  described  as  having  narcissistic  tendencies  as  well  as  the  aforementioned  unhealthy  relationship  with  his  deceased  mother.  He  also  has  bouts  of  extreme  depression  &  mania  as  well  as  some  mild  sexual  aversion  &  considers  himself  “asexual”  though  if  only  in  coping  /  shielding  from   his  trauma  /  abuse.  Other  notes  on  Oswald’s  psychological  profile  include  mild  to  high  body  dysmorphia  as  well  as  his  odd  obsession  with  birds  &  umbrellas.

#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* ⚘ 💀 ━◞ Out Of Character ⊱ #⊰ ° ‧: ｡* ⚘ 💀 ━◞ 𝓜𝓾𝓼𝓮 ↝ Penguin ⊱ #⊰ ° ‧: ｡* ⚘ 💀 ━◞ 𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓸𝓷𝓼 ↝ Penguin ⊱ #penguin headcanons #⊰ ° ‧: ｡* ⚘ 💀 ━◞ 𝓕𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓸𝓶 ↝ Dc / Gotham ⊱ #idk if i need to tag anything else #incest mention cw #mental illness mention cw #abuse mention cw #bullying mention cw #the fact i had big ol posts for every one of these things and theyre now gone makes me feel a bit murderous ngl but w/e #heres the short version of a bunch of important stuff!!

[familiaanteomnia]

-Nathan generally spends an lot of energy/effort into lessening conflict situations (doesn’t seem it but he would rather not get into an fight/or have to be stuck listening to somebody talking shit to him about how his existence is a waste of air,etc) from why he’s settled on what he seems to wear all the time ie: especially the red jacket to attitude/behavior which isn’t the best but at least if he’s consistently snappy then less people are like ‘today i want to see how much i push until he snaps’ -As often he can, will try to make it so nobody can come up behind him as better to avoid than to go through how much it can freak him out (stemming from nightmares+lived experiences his brain typically associates contact from behind as danger) even if he’s all his locks done up, alone in his dorm room usually likes to keep his back to an surface/face towards the door -Tends to be hyper aware of his surroundings in contrast to the times where the world could literally be ending around him and he wouldn’t notice *more often he is keeping track especially in cases where his back is vulnerable namely when outdoors where it’s more likely for somebody to grab him from behind and punch him* He’s remarkably good at saying whose in a classroom even if not facing the door or looking around (in the case of him hanging out with victoria in the mornings is when he usually feels safer to not do his back to solid object/strictly have focus on how to exit quickly) -Like with concealing most things, he has learned how to flinch subtly especially in cases where another person would be like ???? or make fun of it because sometimes what provokes that reaction doesn’t make any sense plus it’d just easily become more trouble for him “dude flinches if you put your hand out to shake his hand it’s weird” -Part of why he sits in the back, aside from that it means students who actually need to be closer are,etc is that fact he can see most of what is happening/knows nobody is able to throw stuff or anything from behind it takes them far more effort to spin around or angle to do so (also easier for them to get caught, spares him having to just deal with it or react to it as much) -Likely especially carries into things like hugs territory, which aside of being touch starved/an lot of understandable wariness regarding that stuff best approach is warning+space for him to feel safe to be like no thanks,etc (when it comes to things like cuddling he very likely especially at first will do the not having his back to the person try to not be obvious about it though/the ideal honestly being face to face)

#headcanons #abuse mention cw #bullying mention cw #trauma mention cw #long post cw #♥ aesthetics 》 nathan prescott #(im thinking about how big of an thing it would be for him to let somebody snuggle up to his backside) #(like the major trust and vulnerability aside he would be so happy with that sort of physical contact) #(he'd get some real solid sleep and upon waking up just barely breathe so as to not ruin or cause the end of it) #(especially if legs are tangled up and an arm around his torso) #(like yada yada hugs but things like him feeling comfortable to take up space like somebodys lap is way more special) #(100% nathan learned in theory somebody could play with his hair and was like gee i wish to experience that level of safety n comfort) #(this post brought to you by damn this dude's issues cause some ouch mannerisms but also consider him having some basic ass comfort) #(he wont want to talk about it or have it addressed but if you gently go about making sure to give him warning before hugging etc hell yeah)

[the-kr8tor]

Knee Socks

Pairing: Hobie Brown x fem! Reader/ Spider-Punk x fem! Reader

Word count: 4.5k

Tags: Use of Y/N sparingly, no specific physical description of the reader, bullying, blood, violence, food mentions, fluff.

Main Masterlist

Thread the Needle Masterlist

CHAPTER 3 >>> CHAPTER 4

Hobie converses with his friends, casually leaning on the playground's chain link fence, he's only eleven, that awkward stage where he thinks he's too old to use the slide, but still too young to be taken seriously by the older kids. He's too tall to be just eleven, almost a foot taller than his classmates, always mistaken for someone older, he takes it in stride, becoming his year's resident protector from would be bullies. His sheer height alone makes them stop in their tracks, not to mention his perseverance when the bully decides to fight Hobie, even if they're taller or bigger than him, he doesn't back down despite his lanky form and sometimes nerdy personality, wiping at his bleeding nose, he stands up, knuckles at the ready.

This alone makes Hobie an absolute legend in the playground. He doesn't care about that though, he just does what he thinks is right, and that's protecting those who cannot defend themselves.

The children playing stops in their tracks when a loud shriek rings out, ears perking at the difference of the sound from a happy playing yell. This one sounded like they were in pain, Hobie stomps towards the sound, the crowd parting for him.

He sees a bigger kid holding a smaller one by his ear, he recognizes the bully from his year, the smaller one seems like a year younger than him. The crowd around them gets bigger, some kids would be hollering for a fight, some could only watch. Before Hobie could run up to them, a flash of something pink hits the bully right on his forehead, causing him to let go, crouching and holding the bleeding cut it left behind.

You fearlessly strut up to him, screaming your tiny head off, "fuck off, Terrence!" You pick up the pink sketchbook from the ground, threatening to throw it again.

Hobie's eyes widened at your choice of word, not used to hearing it in the playground, he smirks at your bravery, especially that you're five times smaller than the bully. He watches as you shield the smaller kid from Terrence, book at the ready.

You look over your shoulder to look back at the younger kid on the ground, clutching at the shell of his ear, tears falling on his rosy cheeks. "You okay, Danny?"

With you distracted, Terrence finds the opportunity to grab you by the ankle, losing your balance and swiftly falling on your back, you let out a small pained sound. Hobie had enough of being a bystander, he runs up to the bully, punching him square in his face. Terrence doesn't back down, tackling Hobie, they both fall on the harsh gravel, Hobie shields his face from the oncoming punches while Terrence keeps aiming at his face.

You stand up, no time to dust yourself off, you yell a battle cry, flinging yourself on the bully's back, trying to get him off Hobie. Your small fists thump helplessly on the bigger kid's back. Suddenly the crowd parts, a couple of winded teachers arrive, one yanks you off Terrence, while the other stops him from punching Hobie. They hold you both back, like a couple of kittens trying to claw and scratch at each other.

"Enough!" One of the teachers yells out, Hobie sits up, a cut on his lip. Eyes watching as you don't let up from trying to kick Terrence's ass.

—

You sit on one of the school clinic's cot, an ice pack on your head, the condensation slides over your face, landing on the paper of your mangled sketchbook.

"Little shit" you murmur out, wiping at the water on your precious notebook.

The curtains separating the beds flings open, you jump from the sound of metal.

"Y'know you could get in trouble for that" Hobie looks at you, a similar ice pack over his cheek. He sits criss crossed on the bed, blanket pooling around him.

"You would know, of course" the previous anger still lingers, your usual shyness gone from your system.

"So you've heard of me?" He raises his brow, hissing when he moves it.

"Who hasn't heard of you? Here" you toss your ice pack over to his cot, "you look like you need it more" Hobie fumbles a bit before he finally catches it. He looks back at you, your face scrunched up in anger, brows knitted together, you look at the pink notebook like it'll spontaneously combust right in front of you.

"You look like Gromit, when you're mad" he brings your previous ice pack to his brow, the other held up to his cheek. "Y'know when he scrunches his face" you look at him angrily "like that!" He points out.

"Hey! You want a piece of me too?" It sounded much braver in your head, but with the fading adrenaline and anger, your shyness peeks back in, making your sentence sound meek.

Hobie holds up his hands, dropping the ice packs on the bed "nah, I can't fight you"

"Why? Just because I'm a girl?"

"Nope, I saw what you did to big Terry, thought you gave him brain damage" he pokes his temples. "I don't want that notebook flying at me, especially with that aim of yours"

"Fucker already has brain damage" you say softly, your shyness definitely creeping in, but you're still angry enough to swear.

"Where'd you learn to curse like that? You don't look like someone who swears"

"The telly" you shrug.

"That shit ain't good for you"

"You sound like an adult," you scrunch your nose "they always tell me I swear a lot when I'm mad. You swear too, y'know"

"I'm allowed" Hobie leans back, grinning.

"How are you allowed?" you ask, genuinely curious. Why is he allowed and you're not?

"I'm older" he says matter-of-fact.

"You're only a year older than me" you scoff, wincing when a sharp pain hits the back of your head.

Hobie hops down from the bed, quickly grabbing the ice packs. He moves towards you, sitting down, your sketchbook in the middle between you. He hands you the ice pack back, you give him a small thanks, hissing when the cold hits your skin.

"You alright? D'you want me to get the nurse?" He asks you as if he wasn't injured himself, looking worse than you.

"I'm fine, you look worse than me though"

"You draw?" Hobie doesn't acknowledge your last comment. He tries to take a peek at the pages, you clamp the book shut with lightning speed.

"I'm not showing you my sketchbook"

"Why not?"

"It's private! And I don't know you"

"Well, name's Hobie Brown" he extends his hand towards you "and you areee? Then you tell me your name, That's how this usually goes"

You narrow your eyes, "I know who you are" slapping his hand away but you tell him your name anyway, trying to be the polite one "Y/N, it's Y/N Y/L/N"

"Now we know each other, now can I?" His hand hovers over your notebook. "Damn, this looks like it's been trampled"

"Fucking Terrence" you seethe, sliding the book over to him. "Here"

"Fucking Terrence" Hobie smiles as he flips through your sketches.

—

Your mind goes back to the present when your familiar mug lands on your messy table, the content sloshes a bit to the sides.

"Careful!" You hold the mug, stopping its motion.

"Shit, sorry. You looked like Gromit there for a second" he chuckles, sitting down on your bed, a piece of biscuit in his mouth, the springs squeaking under his weight.

"Augh, you trying to bring back that nickname?" You take a sip, the warmth of the tea relaxes the aching muscles of your hand.

"It's always been there, Gromit" he lays down, swallowing the cookie, his chucks still on his feet.

You stand up immediately, cringing when his soles graze your bedsheets, grabbing his shoes off your bed "shoes off!" You struggle as Hobie watches on with a smirk "fuckin' take it off!"

"You're mad mad" he sits up, unlacing his shoes.

You put your hands on your hips, socked feet tapping impatiently. Hobie flings his shoes off, looking smugly at your annoyed face. He lays down, arms behind his head.

You narrow your eyes at him "awwe, are you tired?" You asked sarcastically.

"Yes, talking to you the entire day is tiring"

"You're not the one designing this thing" you gesture towards your table that's littered with crumpled papers, various designs pinned on your corkboard. Your hand cramps at the thought of drawing another line.

"Giving my opinion is tiring, why don't you rest for a bit, you're obviously knackered" he taps the space beside him. It wouldn't be the first time you've shared a bed, it's impossible that you haven't, being that you've been best friends for ten years. But you're still unsure, knowing that when you lie down (especially next to him) you won't get back to work again. But it doesn't mean that your heart doesn't skip a beat whenever you do share a bed, it practically stops in your chest until you two wake up.

Hobie sees your dilemma, knowing you wouldn't be able to work on your designs if you lie down next to him. "Come sit down at least" he finds a middle ground.

You sigh, surrendering, as long as you don't rest your head on your pillow you'll be fine, right? Sitting down, Hobie's legs props you up, preventing you from laying down completely.

You hum, leaning your entire weight over his legs, you can feel the rough material of his jeans on your back, your jumper doesn't provide much barrier from his warmth.

"Don't fall asleep" Hobie pokes your arm.

"Hard to when your bony legs are stabbing my back"

He moves his legs back, you fall halfway, head almost landing on his knees. You smack his arm playfully. Hobie predicts that you'll slap his chest next, he moves his arm shield himself. Lo and behold, that's where you hit him next.

"Fuck you, Wallace" despite your swearing, you grin widely, Hobie laughs at his old nickname, he keeps dodging your attacks, Hobie parries your hand, stopping it mid air. He holds your wrists in front of him, warm fingers wrap bracelets around them.

He laughs victoriously "who you callin' Wallace? Do I look like I'm bald?"

You try to get his grip off your wrist, pulling, but his grip is too strong–it doesn't hurt, it's the opposite actually, his grip on you provides comfort and stability. A laugh escapes you "you smile like him" he says it with you, copying your voice mockingly, already knowing that you'll say those exact words.

You roll your eyes, trying and failing to take your hands back, Hobie pulls you in, making you lean over his chest, your heart immediately jumping at the close proximity of his face from yours. Hobie didn't think this through enough, now he doesn't know what to do next. You both pause on your play fighting.

He watches your reaction, your lips slightly parted, pupils blown out. You do the same, cataloging every line on his face, eyes finding the familiar color of his iris, the late afternoon sun gleaming on his lip piercing. You quickly move your eyes back to his, realizing you've been staring at his lips, you swallow down your fear. You lay on top of him, frozen.

You exhale, breath fanning his face, your pulse thumping hard against Hobie's hand. He loosens his grip on your wrists, giving you time to pull away, but you don't so he slides his hands from your wrists over to your hands, fingers stopping at your clammy palms.

Hobie raises his head slowly to meet yours, his heart uncharacteristically beating hard on his chest. He realizes that his heart only acts this way around you. He can feel the dam straining against the overflowing water.

Knock

The sound breaks you both out of your daze, pushing away from each other, you avoid Hobie's gaze. While he looks at you longingly, chest heaving at what almost transpired.

Knock

You try to act nonchalantly, clearing your throat "yeah?"

"It's almost six! Get your visitor out" the dorm's RA yells out like a warden.

"Yeah, okay!" You give her a thumbs up, as if she can see you through the door. Hobie notices your awkwardness, taking it upon himself to break the awkward feeling.

"She doesn't have x-ray vision" He stops himself from touching your arm, hand landing back to his side.

You scoff, heat slowly leaving your cheeks "c'mon time to go home" you stand up, refraining from tapping his chest.

"We're not done yet" he sits up by his elbows, eyes following you gathering his stuff like a one night stand trying to get him out of your place.

You sigh "I don't think we can finish this today, Hobs" you say defeatedly "I mean look" you take a pinned sketch, showing it to Hobie. You both act like nothing happened, used to the almosts.

He looks at your sketch of him, drawn like a runway model, your design looks good, for him at least. Already sure whatever you make for him will be amazing. But judging from your pout he guesses it's not good enough for you.

"It looks good" he reassures you, "what's wrong with it?"

You drop his shoes back on the floor, stepping over it to sit back down on the bed. You hold the paper gingerly, noting every single line you've drawn. "There's something missing, it– I don't know" you groan.

"Make me understand then, they all look good enough for me" he gestures at your designs on the corkboard "I like the one with red on it"

"They all have a touch of red" you roll your eyes, "I don't know, they just– they have more Hobie in them, than of me y'know?"

He nods "yeah, I can see it, you need more bits of you in it"

"Mm-hmm, it's supposed to be a perfect blend of us both" you cross the barrier that you've put up between him, leaning your head on his chest.

"Yeah, it's like if we had a kid and they ended up lookin' like a clone of me" he looks at you teasingly, a smirk curling on his lips.

"Again, weird analogy, Hobs" you huff out.

He chuckles "D'you wanna rest or continue this at my place?" Hobie covers the top of your head with his palm, blanketing your scalp in his warmth.

Thinking for a second, you want to rest, but on the other hand, you need to keep working, you never know when both of your schedules will clear up, this is one of those rare times.

The loud knock echoes again, "your place, then" you look at him, cheek laying on his chest, hearing how his heart beats against your ear.

Hobie smiles, more than happy to spend more time with you.

—

You stop by a convenience store on the way to his place. The harsh white lights make you squint until your eyes adjust. Hobie grabs a basket, handing it to you.

"Such a gentleman" sarcasm dripping on your lips.

He walks backwards, winking at you, hands in his jean pockets. Hobie beelines for the frozen aisle, his chucks sliding against the tiled floor.

You sigh, already knowing what he'll grab. You take a couple of crisps, Hobie's favourite and yours. You bend down to grab a packet of biscuits, hearing a tinkling sound on your left, your eyebrows knit in confusion at the peeking green sock puppet.

"Hello there" You ask, thinking there's a kid playing around. You stand up, the small basket almost full.

"Hi" the puppet's mouth moves, but Hobie's voice comes out, you laugh at how he tried to hide his voice by making it higher pitched.

"Hobie, where'd you even get that?" You say in between airy laughs. You can't see where he is, Hobie's body is hidden behind a display of oatmeal, but you can clearly see his metal bracelet peeking out from under the puppet.

"Name's not Hobie, it's y/n, and I have a passion for fashion" the puppet's mouth moves dramatically as Hobie speaks.

You giggle at his antics, grabbing the puppet by its 'throat' "ack!" Hobie acts like he's choking. He moves in your line of sight, still making choking noises. The cashier looks at you weirdly, releasing your hand from the puppet.

You keep laughing, Hobie's smiles victoriously, getting the desired reaction from you. You clutch your hand over your stomach, heaving from laughing.

"You done?" Hobie is still speaking through the puppet, his throat aching from making his voice higher.

"Yep, you can stop making that voice" you smile, playing with the little bell strapped on the puppet, it rings softly at your touch.

"Thank fuck," Hobie clears his throat, speaking in his normal deep voice "they're selling these over there" he points to his right, using the puppet to point at it.

You see the bright display of different sock puppets, the bold letters reading 'all proceeds go to the children's hospital'

"It's cute, what even is it?"

Hobie moves the puppet from side to side, little yellow spikes on its head, a long tongue lolling on the side of its mouth. "I think it's supposed to be a dinosaur"

"Looks like it, but its tongue is too long to be a dinosaur, maybe it's a lizard?" You look at Hobie questioningly.

"Don't look at me, I don't know either" he shrugs.

"Whatever it is let's take it, he's kind of adorable, in a weird looking way" you take it from his hand, putting it inside your basket.

"Just like you" Hobie quips.

"Funny" you poke his chest. "You got the frozen pizza?"

"Nah, got distracted" Hobie walks towards the freezers, you follow closely behind, he flings the door open. You peek under his raised arm resting on the freezer door, looking at your choices.

"Four cheeses? Or overload?" You ask.

"You want me to shit myself?"

You giggle "right, lactose intolerant, forgot for a sec, overload it is. Thought you have lactaid?"

Hobie takes the frozen pizza box, bringing it to your cheeks, you jump away when the cold box hits your skin. "I ran out of it"

"Ass" you scoff, wiping away the condensation.

He laughs from his belly, putting the box inside the basket. Hobie grabs the heavy basket from you, happily giving it to him. He makes his way towards the cashier, you quickly grab a couple of canned soda from the freezer, catching up to Hobie.

The cashier gives you an annoyed look, probably because of the noises you two made. You look at him apologetically as he scans the items.

—

You arrive at his place, slightly shivering from the cold air that pricked you while in the back of Hobie's motorcycle. He gets off first, helping you with a steady hand.

"Remind me to bring a proper jacket next time we ride this late. Christ alive it's bloody freezing" you rub your arms, trying to get warm, your thin jacket isn't helping much to shield you from the cold.

Hobie takes off his leather jacket despite being only a few feet away from his place, he drapes it on you since your hands are full with the plastic bag of food. He holds your hands together breathing hot air into it, your heart swells at the small act.

"Why didn't you tell me you were cold? I could've stopped for a bit and handed you my jacket, you idiot" he grumbles out, still rubbing your hands warm.

"It was a short ride, Hobs. Besides we're here already you don't need to do this"

"Inside isn't any better, radiator's fucked since yesterday" he brings your hands to his mouth, blowing more warm air into your cold hands.

"Just my luck" your breathing stutters in your throat when Hobie looks at you through his lashes, lips dangerously close to your hands. "Let's just go inside, I'm hungry" you pull your hands away, already missing his warmth. Hobie looks at you like you grew a second head.

"Oven still works, right?" You clear your throat.

Hobie takes out his keys, opening the door for you "yeah, gas still works" he sniffs, the cold finally bothering him.

Entering the small house, you can hear the loud sound of the television, bright against the darkness of the modest living room. Ned and James play couch co-op of golden eye. James sees you standing awkwardly by the doorway, not paying attention to the screen, his character dies, making Ned annoyed.

"Come on, bruv! We can't pass this level with you dying every bloody minute" Ned follows James' stare, ending with you standing stiffly in front of the door, too awkward to walk in front of the telly, not wanting to disturb them. Hobie's behind you fumbling with the lock.

"Hi, sorry to drop in" you smile shyly.

Ned slaps the back of James' head "really? You got distracted?" He whisper-shouts, James jumps slightly in his seat, Ned quickly moves his neck to look at you, "It's alright, y/n! Make yourself at home"

"Thanks" you say, smiling sweetly.

"Oi, it's rude to stare" Hobie finally locks the rusty bolt, eyes staring at James.

" 'm not," he defends himself, thick Manchester accent rearing its head. "I was lookin' at the bag, is that pizza?" He acts interested in the contents of your bag.

Hobie side eyes Ned, having a non verbal conversation with him.

"I think there's enough for us four, where's Yuri? I still haven't thanked her for her help" you say.

"She's with her friends," Ned says.

Nodding, you walk towards the kitchen, Hobie not too far behind. "Have you talked to the landlord about the broken radiator, Hobs?"

"Don't need to, we're moving out anyway" Hobie replies nonchalantly, like it's old news to you.

"What?" You drop the plastic bag a little too hard on the counter. "What do you mean you're moving out? Where are you moving?" Fear creeps up to you.

"All of us are moving, actually" James pipes up from the couch, Ned elbows for him to shut up.

Hobie grabs a flyer from the fridge door, showing it to you. "Battle of the bands, our last show before we disband"

"You're gonna disband too?!" You look at Ned sitting on the couch, watching the interaction unfold. He replies for Hobie, seeing he might need some help explaining it to you.

"Sorry y/n, it's true. James and Yuri are off to uni, and I'm moving back to Richmond"

You look at Hobie sadly, knowing he'll be left behind by one of his oldest friends. You're well aware that Hobie doesn't like sticking to one band, moving on to a different team every few years, this doesn't surprise you, but Ned has been one of the few constants in his band, always his chosen bassist, and his oldest friend next to you.

Ned and James start their game again, giving you as much privacy as the small space can provide, trying to not listen to your obvious private conversation, they wish you two could just talk it out inside Hobie's room instead. Or better yet, just kiss about it, saving you both the energy.

Looking up at Hobie, eyes slightly watering at the thought of him being left behind, you'd never even thought of doing that to him. Of course you know he can handle himself, but you can't bear imagining him alone. Or maybe it's because you can't imagine going through life without him, turning out he'll be fine on his own without you. And you're the one who's projecting your fears towards Hobie.

Your lives have been intertwined since childhood, celebrating wins together, laughing and crying at the good and bad. You've been through almost everything together, it's hard to imagine your life before you met him, more so after your lives untangle from each other.

"When's the last gig?" You try to not let your emotions get to you, but your smile doesn't reach your eyes. Hobie sees through your charade, he holds your hand subtly, thumb rubbing circles over your palm.

"It'll be fine, love" I'll be fine, he wanted to say, but he swallows it down, tossing it over to the pile of all the unsaid words he wanted to say to you. "We've been planning it for awhile, just need to find a place and I'm good to go"

"You haven't found a place yet?" completely forgetting there are other people in the room with you, melting into his touch.

"Not yet, y'know me, always putting things off" he tangles his fingers through yours. "Once we win, I'll get enough to rent a place"

"I'll help you find a place" you squeeze his hand, he squeezes back three times.

"You givin' it for free? No need for me to punch out a hole in our card?" He teases you.

You roll your eyes "Don't push it, Hobart. But yes, you don't need to use our card for it" you joke, you would've helped him anyways, card or no card.

"Good, thanks Gromit" he smiles, reluctantly untangling your fingers from his. Hobie hands you the flyer, moving towards the counter to take out the food. With that your previous conversation ends, but your sadness and anxiety for what the future holds still lingers. Everything seems to change too fast, you don't think you're ready for any of it.

You smile softly at the nickname. Reading the contents of the advert– Battle of the bands at Oscorp Museum! your eyes widening when you gloss over the date on it. "Hobie, this concert is happening the day before our show"

"And? It's not on the same day" he takes out the puppet from the plastic.

"Yeah, but won't you be too..tired?" You ask.

Hobie huffs, taking the puppet off the counter, slipping it on your hand, you raise a brow at him "say what you really mean by 'tired' use the puppet to help" he crosses his arms over his chest.

You narrow your eyes, playing along, raising your arm halfway. You speak through the puppet, trying to talk with your mouth closed "won't you be too hungover?"

"There we go!" He claps "Thank you, y/n for the honesty"

"That wasn't me, that was the puppet"

"We have a real ventriloquist here, huh" Hobie takes out the frozen pizza from the box, slipping it inside the oven, he shuts the oven door closed "There won't be any alcohol in the venue, there's nothing to fucking drink"

"Sure" you say, still speaking through the puppet, rolling its head with your hand movements.

James whispers to Ned "they were all sweet to each other a second ago, now they're fighting"

"Reminds you of your parents huh?" Ned whispers back.

"Actually yeah, good eye"

Ned looks at him confused "not a compliment, bruv"

"Huh?"

"Nothin' what's up with the creepy puppet?"

Meanwhile, you continue to bicker with Hobie, the cold not helping with your attitude "You know I'm thinking of naming him Terrence, he looks like a Terry, right?" You make the puppet look at you, making it nod.

"Fuck off, after that Terry?"

"Yeah, we can tell exactly what we mean through Terry then we can both put the blame on him" you make the puppet nervously look at both of you.

"Fuckin' Terrence" Hobie remembers the bully.

"Exactly! Fuckin' Terrence" you both laugh, you don't even remember why you were fighting in the first place.

A/N: Thank you for reading! As always likes and reblogs are appreciated ❤️

*pictures above are from pinterest*

#thread the needle chapter 3 #thread the needle series #thread the needle #hobie brown x reader #spider punk x reader #the kr8tor's creations #hobie brown #spider punk #spider man across the spider verse #x reader #atsv fanfiction #atsv fanfic #atsv hobie #atsv x reader #atsv fluff #hobie fluff #cw bullying #cw violence #tw food mention #tw food #fanfic #hobie brown x y/n #hobie brown x fem!reader #hobie brown x you #spider punk x y/n #spider punk x you #spider punk x fem!reader

[pigdemonart]

I think its really cute that Manuel gets the most love from comments! I think he deserves it, because even I have dubbed him as the Best Boy. But, Mani has mixed feelings about receiving praise and being considered the favorite. He’d sooner think people are lying to him than believe they actually like him that much. Because, why would they?

His view of himself comes from years of being stuck in the middle.

#los brujos #manuel #adrian #victor #my art #IF I CAN just get a little heavy in the tags for a sec #cw: talking about race and body image stuff #not mentioned in this little comic because i didnt want it to be TOO sad #manuel was bullied a lot in school and it affected his self confidence a looot #technically they ALL were to an extent #but Manuel had a very hard time not only being big but also Black #people were unkind and he felt better disappearing to avoid getting sneers from anyone #but that was pretty much impossible when he became so tall #though puertorican culture has a huge African/Black influence it still suffers from colorism and racism #and it would be dishonest to write a story about afroboricuas and not touch that subject even slightly #i just didn’t feel like info dumping in a comic about ALL THAT #cuz really the anons were just being cute #sorry to ramble

[windslar]

#the sims 4 #ts4 #ts4 legacy #tjolc #tjolc gen 2 #the joy of life challenge #the joy of life legacy #tw death #tw sui implied #cw sui mention #tw self harm #cw bullying #tw suicide mention #tw suicide ideation

[red-rover-au]

I love their terrible little family so much dsnsksj

#They are high school bullies 100% #Mikey is that one kid who tells the bullies to knock it off but still laughs with them #basically they embody the same energy as that ep where they mocked Splinter #hidden city’s Meanest Girls #rottmnt #rottmnt fanart #rottmnt separated au #baron draxum #Leonardo #donatello #rottmnt draxum #rottmnt leo #rottmnt donnie #red rover au #red rover art #art #my art #cw cyber bullying #cw implied child abuse #anorexia mention #eating disorder mention #Poison Eaterz

[bubonickitten]

Another thing I think is worth discussing:

Transphobic and other anti-LGBTQ+ violence perpetuated by, against, and among youth isn't just a matter of punishing the aggressors for their actions.

Adults throughout the U.S. -- school administrators, school boards, lawmakers, etc. -- have actively and willfully created an environment where LGBTQ+ (particularly trans and nonbinary) youth are dehumanized by not only institutions and the adults that run them, but by their peers.

They effectively deny kids the right to do something as basic as use the bathroom. They ban teachers from using the names and pronouns of trans/nb youth. They create policies requiring schools to notify parents when kids express LGBTQ+ identity (which puts those kids at risk of isolation, abuse, and "conversion" attempts if their families are transphobic or homophobic). They challenge and ban books by and/or about LGBTQ+ people (again: especially trans/nonbinary people), invoking "parents' rights." This not only infringes on (most importantly imo) kids' basic right to read, but also infringes on other parents' rights, dictating how they raise their children by removing anything they deem "inappropriate" from school libraries and curricula.

They have sent a message to LGBTQ+ youth themselves through these actions -- "you are unwanted; you are unwelcome; we do not see you as children worthy of an education and basic human decency, but as boogeymen and the embodiment of the types of people we hate." This erodes the mental health of and contributes to the already disproportionately high rates of self-harm and suicide among LGBTQ+ youth.

But these adults have also sent a corresponding message to straight, cisgender youth that their LGBTQ+ peers are to be silenced, denied humanity, and eliminated from any space they occupy at any cost (whether that means bullying them into the closet and locking the door, or using violence or ostracism to silence the ones who cannot or do not hide their identities).

There's also a broader discussion to be had about how the criminal justice system deals with violence perpetrated by minors: punitive vs. rehabilitative approaches; accounting for the developmental stage of the minor(s) in question while still centering and ensuring justice for the victim(s); discriminatory practices in conviction and sentencing (as well as whether someone is tried as a juvenile or an adult), particularly with regards to race and class.

But, point is, I don't think we can stop anti-LGBTQ+ and other hate-based violence and bullying by focusing on the individual perpetrators involved in each instance, or addressing it on a case-by-case basis. The adults in charge are (whether implicitly or explicitly) sending the message that all LGBTQ+ people, including LGBTQ+ kids, are -- in the words of Oklahoma State Senator Tom Woods referring to Nex Benedict -- "filth". At the end of the day, these are grown adults bullying and abusing literal children. They can't absolve themselves of responsibility when those kids' peers mirror that hate.

#transphobia #transphobic violence #lgbtq+ #bullying #hate violence #self harm mention cw #suicide mention cw

[angrelysimpping]

@/rrrotten's there's a Whitney fanart that... wow, this shit hits different! can you imagine doing this to him as a revenge for all that bullying shit he has done? Maybe paying some delinquents to knock him out, then tie him up, gag him and leave him in the bathroom for other students to have some fun with. After all that he's a drooling mess. Cum, blood, sweat and even piss everywhere... Oh, hey look! Are these tears? The big bad bully Whitney's crying cause now HE'S the slut? Now he walks around with "PC slut/whore", "walking dildo" and "fuck toy" , written on his face with permanent pen. Thought he's still learning who does he's belong too, it hasn't been broken yet, so I think PC will have to train him personally now. Maybe some ol good overstimulation and spanking? Or fuck him in the ass? Who knows, PC has time and creativity, but not so much patient.

Delicious

(AMAB Whitney, he/him; GN PC, you/your; PC is probably a sadist; Whitney gets nonconed by PC and randoms; some pet play; some mind break; idk man, there’s a lot in this; anal fingering, NPC receiving/PC giving; implied piss; drugs)

Honestly, you thought it would have been more difficult. 

Sure, it wasn’t hard to find people with a grudge against Whitney, but to drug the blond for you? Bring his unconscious body to you in the school bathrooms? Yeah, no, you thought it would take a lot more than a couple hundred pounds and a few sweet words about what you had planned for the bully. 

Though, maybe you should have given them some stronger drugs to knock him out with. You hadn’t wanted to accidentally kill Whitney, but the fucker was already awake and talking.

“I’m gonna kill you for this, slut.”

Whitney’s voice is strained, just like the rest of him. You can see all the muscles in his body flexing as he tries to free himself from his bindings. For all his squirming, his only reward is for the knots to become tighter. You’ll have to thank Winter for showing you how to tie those the next time you dropped by the museum. 

Whitney looks quite nice like this, naked and tied up, on his knees. It’s a good position. Could have his cock and his ass used at the same time, with some finagling. That was your goal, anyway. To allow people to use Whitney however they wanted. 

Walking around him, checking the knots, you can’t resist the temptation to reach out, to brush your fingers down the length of his spine. Whitney shudders involuntarily at the touch, and a little thrill runs through you as you reach the curve of his ass. 

“You a virgin here, Whitney?” you ask, letting your finger drift down to circle the rim of his asshole. You’re sure he is, the thought making your stomach flip. For all the hell he put you through, you wanted to have some fun before you had to leave. 

“Fuck off.”

You laugh, pressing against the tight ring of muscle. Whitney makes a strangled sound as you press harder, breaching his ass. “I think so, tight as you are,” you murmur, transfixed on where your finger disappeared into Whitney. “I can change that.”

Whitney tries to say something, but his words cut off into a high-pitched whine as you press another finger into him. “Do you want me to?” You don’t give Whitney a chance to respond before you curl your fingers in him, searching for his prostate. You pull another strained sound from Whitney as you find the bundle of nerves. You start to pump in and out of Whitney, making sure to target the spot that makes him whimper and struggle in his bindings for a whole new reason. 

“S-stop.”

A small thrill runs through you at his voice. He sounds so weak, pathetic. Leaning over his back, you bring your mouth as close to his ear, and breathe out a soft, “No.” Whitney shudders under you. 

Slipping your free hand around him to grab his dick, you can’t help but laugh again. “You’re hard, Whitney,” you grin into his shoulder. “You like this? Getting treated like the slut you are?”

Whitney swears and you feel his cock twitch in your hand. 

You could do this all day, really, finger fucking Whitney, teasing his cock. You’re sure that you could get him to break like this, make him beg you to let him cum. Maybe even beg you to fuck his ass, though that might just be wishful thinking on your part. 

You can’t, though. A knock on the bathroom door, your signal that classes were starting soon. 

With a sigh, you let Whitney go. 

“T-the fuck are you going?” Whitney demands as you leave the stall. 

“Class,” you say, tone matter of fact as you wash your hands.

“You aren’t- you can’t just leave me here!”

Your laugh makes his blood run cold. “But that’s the whole point.”

You ignore Whitney as he swears more, rummaging through your school bag until you find the small baggie of pink pills you had tucked away. Fishing one of the small candy-colored pills out, you return the bag to its hiding spot before turning back to Whitney.

Whitney starts to say something else but is cut off as you shove your fingers into his mouth, hand keeping his jaw squeezed open so he can’t bite. For a moment, you just pet his tongue before you let go of the pill, making sure it goes down his throat before grabbing your things and leaving, the bathroom door slamming shut cutting off Whitney’s sputtering. You think you can hear him yelling after you as you walk away. 

-

Lunch can’t come fast enough.

The moment your food is finished, you practically sprint to the bathroom. You can’t help the wild grin that spreads across your face at the state of the place. It’s starting to smell funky. You hadn’t thought about that, but you don’t particularly care, either. It’s the lewd fluids you can see on the floor that make your stomach flip. Part disgust, part satisfaction that people are enjoying your hard work.

That’s when you hear the sounds coming from the stall. Whitney’s stall. Pressing on the door proves that it’s unlocked, the door swinging open to reveal a lean boy, head pressed to Whitney's shoulder, panting while rutting against Whitney’s ass, cock sliding between the bully’s firm cheeks. The boy’s hips stutter and he moans as cum spurts across Whitney’s back. 

A small laugh escapes you and the lean boy jerks back from Whitney, quickly fixing his clothes and scurrying out of the bathroom. 

You give Whitney a once over. 

There’s cum all over the place, his face and chest particularly. Fluids glisten on his thighs and you can’t be sure if it’s lube or pussy juice, though you wouldn’t be surprised if it were both. Someone had the idea to tape his mouth shut. Smart, though you’d rather hear the bully whining when you were toying with him. 

His breathing is harsh and labored, eyes glazed over and pupils blown wide. Your favorite part is his cock, hard and leaking uselessly between his thighs. The drug you’d forced down Whitney’s throat before leaving is doing its job well. You might not even have to give him a second dose.

You rip the tape off, grinning wider at the pained sound that comes from the bully. You expect him to start threatening you. Instead, he spits out a piece of cloth and starts coughing. 

Underwear. Someone had stuffed underwear into Whitney’s mouth before taping it shut.

“God, that’s brilliant. Wish I’d thought of it,” you say with a wide grin. Reaching out, you run a hand through Whitney’s hair. It’s damp. Sweat, you hope, but you wouldn’t be surprised if it was something else. Whitney tries to jerk away from you, but you twist your fingers into his locks, yanking him back.

“Aw, pet, still acting up?”

“Shut up.”

A shiver runs through you at how rough his voice sounds. Someone must have fucked his mouth. If some random person could get away with forcing Whitney to give them head without getting their junk mutilated, maybe you could… You shove the thoughts aside, you’ll get to have your fun later, after classes. Keeping Whitney’s hair in a firm grip, you rummage through your school bag as best you can with one hand, pulling out a marker. Flicking off the cap, you messily write your name across Whtieny’s forehead.

“Looking good,” you say, tugging Whitney’s hair and making him crane his neck back, giving you a good view of your name. “We can get that tattooed later, I think.”

“I’m going to kill you.”

“So you’ve said,” you hum, letting go of Whitney’s hair and grabbing the underwear he had spat out. 

Whitney opens his mouth to say something only to sputter as you start to dab at the cum on his face with the underwear. “What the fuck are you doing?!”

“Cleaning you up a little. Wanna see your pretty face before I leave.”

Whitney’s mouth snaps shut, and you have to suppress a laugh as he goes a bit pink.

He doesn’t say anything else as you wipe the cum from his face. Deciding Whitney is sufficiently clean, you stop. “Say ‘thank you.’”

Whitney’s eyes snap to your’s and he sneers. “Fuck yo-”

Whitney gags as you shove the now cum soaked underwear into his mouth and slap the tape back into place.

“Well, can’t say I didn’t give you a chance. See you after class!” You give Whitney a sharp slap to his ass as you exit his stall. 

-

Whitney’s breathing hard when you open the bathroom door, the sound echoing in the empty room. There’s more cum on him, more marks as well. Someone bit his shoulder hard enough to break the skin, ‘Walking Dildo’ written across his chest and ‘Cum Dump’ on his lower back. Some suspiciously yellow fluid puddling near where Whitney’s head rests, cheek pressed against the floor, makes you gag a little, yet you can’t help but grin. God, this school has some sick fucks in it, and, for once, you adored that fact. Made breaking in your new pet so easy. 

“Hay, Whitney!”

A soft, muffled groan comes from the blond, but he does nothing else as you crouch down next to him. His eyes are shut, face flushed and a fine sheen of sweat glazing his body. 

“Aw, all tuckered out?” you coo, brushing damp strands of hair back from his face. 

Whitney flinches slightly at your touch, an eye finally cracking open to glare up at you. His pupils are still dilated - a good sign. Probably still under the effects of the aphrodisiacs you’d given him. 

“Wanna go home, sweetheart? Gotta nice lil’ room set up for you in the loft. I think you’ll like it up there.”

Whitney doesn’t say anything, just glares up at you and lets out a huff of frustration through his nose.

With a small laugh, you tug the tape back from his mouth, waiting patiently as Whitney spits out the underwear gag and struggles to speak.

“Fuck you,” Whitney finally manages to spit out, voice weak and rough. Almost a performance, really. A desperate attempt to cling to what he knows. You can feel it in the humid air of the bathroom, can see it in the way he clenches his jaw. 

He’s close, so very close to breaking, to letting go. You just have to push him a little further.

Whitney gasps as you grab his cock, eyes going wide as you start to stroke him. He’s sore, tip an angry red, but precum still beads heavily at his slit. It’s the same for his hole, the poor abused ring of muscle giving in easily as you press two fingers into him. Finding his prostate is easier this time, the poor bundle of nerves far more sensitive now than when you’d first met it this morning. 

“D-don’t, stop, I’ll f-fucking…I’ll k-kill- ah!” Whitney moans low as his dick twitches in your hand, insides pulsing weakly around your fingers as you quickly make him cum, his seed painting his stomach and the floor under him. 

“If you want me to stop, you’ll have to play nice,” you say with a hum. Whatever Whitney was going to say to you is cut off into a high-pitched whine as you give his balls a squeeze, fingers curling inside him. His cock is still hard, twitching as you run your hand from his base to his tip. 

“School is out, Whit. It’s just you and me and the rest of the night ahead of us.”

“B-bitch.”

You laugh, giving his cock a harsh squeeze and pulling another pained whine from him. “Is that your new name? Bitch? Has a nice ring to it. But I think I prefer ‘Puppy,’ actually.”

Whitney doesn’t get a chance to respond, squirming and gasping as you force another finger into him.

“‘Please stop, Master.’ That’s what you have to say for this to end. Three little words.”

“C’mon Whitney, you just have to be a good puppy and I’ll stop.”

Tears glint at the corners of his eyes, mouth moving with no sound coming out as you force another orgasm from him. You give him a moment, his chest heaving as he stares blankly ahead of him.

When he doesn’t say anything, you start again, pressing your fingers inside him and milking his cock with your hand. 

“P-please.” Whitney’s words are barely audible, half choked. You pause as Whitney takes a shuddering breath. “Please s-stop.”

You wait for Whitney to repeat the last word of the phrase you’d given him, but the bully remains silent. “‘Master,’” you prompt, adding emphasis with a sharp squeeze to his cock.

Whitney frowns, eyes screwed shut, tears escaping them as he breathes heavily. When he doesn’t speak, you continue, now a fourth finger pressing at his puffy rim.

“-ster.”

You stop at the strained, half-whine.

“What was that, pup?” You’re sure he can hear the grin in your voice.

There’s a beat of silence as Whitney pants, harsh breaths filling the bathroom. Annoyed, you squeeze his cock, pressing against his prostate at the same time. 

It works.

“M-Master,” Whitney hiccups, “Please s-stop, Master.”

When you don’t immediately pull away from him, he keeps going, babbling the phrase over and over, his words studded with more hiccuped sobs and whines. 

Satisfied, you let go of his cock, fingers slipping from his body.

Whitney lays under you, spent and shivering on the cold, damp floor. He doesn't flinch as you press a soft kiss to his neck. No, instead, he shivers, a strange warmth filling him as you mutter a loving, “Good puppy.” 

#no one talk about how old the requests are at this point >< #in my defence i was sick for the last fourth of 2022 #tw noncon #cw noncon #tw mindbreak #cw mindbreak #tw drugs #cw drugs #tw piss mention #cw piss mention #is this good? who fucking knows but im posting it so #degrees of lewdity #whitney the bully #no one talk abt how i forgot the main tag or character tag ><''

[gillipopmoji]

I don't understand DID

I don't understand age regression

I don't understand typing quirks

I don't understand personality disorders

I don't understand gender

I don't understand how endogenic systems form

I don't understand ID

I don't understand therians.

BUT GUESS WHAT?

I also don't understand the human brain. Just because you don't understand doesn't mean you have to fakeclaim or bully.

#not an emoji #tw fakeclaiming #anti fakeclaiming #fakeclaiming mention #fuck fakeclaimers #fakeclaiming #bullying #tw discourse #discourse tw #cw discourse #discourse cw #discourse

[coffee-bat]

i love how cortex's whole backstory deal is like. he was abused by his family, physically and emotionally, pretty much from birth. when he was a small kid family friends got drunk and forcibly tattoo'd the "n" on his head for "nerd", and noone from his family stopped them. he escaped the abuse by running away from home before age 10, shortly after which a "freak explosion" wiped out his whole family. he was homeless and completely on his own for a while until he got accepted into school. he was then severely bullied and often "brutally beaten" after school. he met his first friend ever, n. brio, in highschool. they caused chernobyl at some point. he's emotionally unstable. his family were circus performers so he now has a phobia of clowns because they remind him of his abusers. he's hinted to have bipolar disorder. he has never had a healthy relationship or experienced affection in his life. all of what i wrote is taken from official sources.

also btw he looks like this

#based on that other post about messed up crash lore #just felt like highlighting another specific part of that 💀 #like. man. you honestly can't go back after reading this shit in the production bible you can't see him as only silly goofy anymore #crash bandicoot #neo cortex #ramble #child abuse cw #abuse cw #violence cw #bullying mention #murder mention #this needs so many cw's for a fucking cash banooca post i swear to god

[samasmith23]

We need to talk about EssenceOfThought's ongoing bullying & slander campaign against Rachel Oates...

I normally don't make posts covering this kind of stuff since I mostly try to keep my Tumblr blog here relatively positive and cheerful. And I normally try to avoid YouTube drama in general. But recently I've become increasingly frustrated and angered by the behavior of a certain YouTuber whom I regrettably used to be a fan of awhile back known as "Essence Of Thought" (aka, Ethel Thurston), whom in the past 2 months has been continuously releasing multiple videos & shorts which slander and defame another YouTuber named Rachel Oates. I know that Rachel herself is currently trying to combat this situation and has even filed multiple claims against Ethel's videos, but I felt the need to try and show my support for Rachel by help signal-boost her story in response to Ethel's revived targeted harassment campaign against her.

Content Warning: Mentions of Transphobia, Cyberbullying, Self-Harm, Suicidality, and Child Abuse.

Also, while this post is going to be very critical of Ethel and her conduct, I will NOT tolerate any misgendering or deadnaming of her! Just because I think Ethel is a bad person does NOT excuse any transphobia that is directed at her, and I will immediately block and report anyone who engages in such reprehensible behavior!

Section 1: Confessions of a former fan, or my personal falling out with Essence of Thought

For those who are not aware, Ethel Thurston is a transgender atheist content creator who regularly produces video essays analyzing and criticizing TERFs and the broader far-right. This content greatly appealed to me as both a supporter of trans-rights and as someone who vocally opposes both TERFs and Neo-Nazis. However, exactly 1-year-ago I unsubscribed from Ethel's channel when she began made a series of videos accusing Lily Orchard of being a child groomer. While I do agree that Lily is an AWFUL person who has received multiple credible accusations of sexual abuse from both former partners and even her own younger sister Courtney, Ethel's videos which accused Lily of "grooming all minors in her audience" were actually heavily criticized by several former victims of Lily's abuse who have argued that the way Ethel & her editor "ABirdCalledLevi" (aka, Levi) presented their information against Lily was not only overly inflammatory, but only served to misrepresent and damage the testimonies of her other victims.

Specifically, critics like "Patchwork Heart" (aka, Shiloh Conner) took serious issue took issue with Ethel & Levi's constant liberal usage of the word "grooming" to describe Lily's actions towards individuals like Glade, who accused Lily of encouraging him on her Discord to watch a livestream where she repeatedly flashed her audience (Glade was still 17 at the time of this incident). Essentially Shiloh stated that while Lily was undeniably guilty of sexual harassment, neglectful misconduct, and indecent exposure, her behavior technically does not qualify as "grooming," since "grooming" is a term specifically meant describe the gradual breaking down of a victim's boundaries through manipulation and isolation from others (online it's usually conducted through private DMs rather than on public servers like Lily's channels). Furthermore, Shiloh and other fellow victim's of Lily's abuse also criticized Ethel & Levi's usage of the phrase "parasocial audience grooming" to argue that Lily was grooming her ENTIRE audience instead of individuals, as "parasocial audience grooming" is NOT a legally or medically recognized term, but was instead invented by the commentary YouTuber "Korviday" in 2020 to describe Shane Dawson's sexually abusive behavior towards several underage members of his audience. Essentially, it's impossible to groom an entire audience all at once since grooming is defined by the specific and deliberate targeting and manipulation of individuals in private or isolated settings with the intention of eventually sexually abusing them. But when criticized for the way they badly mishandled the testimonies of victims like Glade, Ethel & Levi instead doubled down by not only continuing to misuse the word "grooming" in their videos, but actively smeared and defamed their critics and other victims of Lily's like Shiloh as "abuse/groomer apologists.” Ethel even went as far as to compare Shiloh criticizing how she misrepresented Glade’s testimony to “defending Harvey Weinstein.”

Like... YIKES!

I'm not going to lie... when I saw the way Ethel & Levi actively bullied and slandered other victims of Lily Orchard, I was deeply disappointed and disgusted. While I was already starting to grow weary of Ethel's tendency to overly moralize in her arguments, and I knew she was unpopular in a lot of online spaces, for the longest time I tried to give both her and Levi the benefit of the doubt since I knew she had been harassed by TERFs like Graham Linehan past simply for being an outspoken non-binary trans-woman online. But the way Ethel bullied people like Shiloh Conner was simply inexcusable! And personally, I completely agree with Shiloh's criticisms against Ethel & Levi. Even though I dislike Lily Orchard and think that she's an abusive scumbag, spreading misinformation about issues as serious as CSA only serves to inflict further harm onto the people that Lily has hurt. Victims like Shiloh have very publicly stated that they either want their testimonies to be reflected as accurately as possible, or not at all. And I especially understand their concerns about misusing the word "grooming," especially because of how that word in particular has been so easily co-opted as an anti-LGBTQ+ slur by Republicans and the far-right in the past 2 years alone, which only serves to promote bigotry and obfuscate actual instances of child sexual abuse (Ethel claimed in their video that they "saw no harm in extending the definition of the word" BTW). Here's a link to Shiloh's video responding to Ethel if you want further details on the ways in which both she and Levi so badly mishandled the testimonies of Lily Orchard's victims BTW:

So how does Rachel Oates fit into all of this exactly? Well...

Section 2: Reevaluating Ethel's past conduct and the targeted bullying of Rachel Oates

Once I witnessed the ways in which EssenceOfThought bullied and smeared the victims of Lily Orchard's abuse, it honestly caused me to reevaluate and question a lot of their past content, especially because Ethel & Levi already had reputations of being overly inflammatory figures who've burned tons of bridges with lots of other leftist YouTubers. It was then that I was reminded of the biggest controversy Ethel's been involved in, and one I was only tangentially aware of before the Lily Orchard drama. That being Ethel's 4-year-long and currently ongoing defamation campaign against feminist and atheist British YouTuber, Rachel Oates.

The conflict between Ethel & Rachel all started back in 2019, when Rachel's friend and former atheist YouTuber "Rationality Rules" (aka, Steven Woodford), got into serious trouble when he posted a video arguing against the inclusion of trans-people in sports (which relied on heavily fallacious scientific data and even cited clips from Fox News, Ben Shapiro, and Joe Rogan). Unsurprisingly, the backlash against Woodford's video was enormous, and it even resulted in him being deplatformed from hosting a panel at an ACA conference in Austin, Texas that same year. However, a lot of Woodford's friends within the YouTube atheist community, including Rachel, argued that Woodford did not make his video out of intentional malice or bigotry, whilst fully agreeing that it was a terrible poorly-researched video that did serve to reinforce transphobic narratives even if it was unintentional. This led to Woodford not only delisting and demonotizing the original video, but also releasing both an apology and retraction video to try and help mitigate the damage his original video caused.

Ethel however, refused to accept Woodford's apology and retraction, and made several response videos accusing his apology of being fake and him continuing to spread transphobic misinformation. And while that's perfectly understandable if Ethel personally didn't find Woodford's apology to be adequate or genuine, where this crosses the line into unacceptable behavior is that Ethel then went onto repeatedly attack Rachel Oates simply because she was both friends with Woodford IRL and didn't want to get directly involved in the controversy. Essentially, Ethel is engaging in the "guilt by association" fallacy here. In actuality though, Rachel not only repeatedly stated that she disagreed with the content Woodford's original video and agreed that it was very bad and harmful, but that she is supportive of the trans community and felt unqualified to weigh in on the subject matter of trans-people in sports since she has barely any knowledge or interest about sports in general.

This response was not good enough for Ethel however, who instead misinterpreted Rachel's comments as a backhanded attempt at silencing Woodford's critics.

Things got even worse when a random fan messaged Rachel a screenshot taken from a private Facebook group from a trans-self-help group which compiled a list of public figures for the trans community to avoid following the Woodford controversy, and her name was included on that list. Rachel, not knowing that the list was from a private chat, immediately went on Twitter to defend herself, which led to Ethel accusing her of doxxing by publishing private information. This is in spite of the fact that not only did the screenshot already exist before Rachel discovered it, but she went out of her way to censor the names of the members of that Facebook group. Furthermore, Ethel had also blocked Rachel on Twitter which led to the latter asking some of her followers to show her what Ethel was stating about her so she could try to adequately defend herself, which in-turn resulted in Ethel accusing Rachel of sending her millions of followers to circumvent her block and harass her.

The situation escalated even further however, when Ethel posted a now infamous tweet to one of Woodford and Oates' friends' Lizzy Lang, not only described Woodford as a "violent transphobe intent on stripping away dozens of human rights,” but called Lang and others (presumably Oates) "members of Woodford's church a transphobia" before ending the tweet with the words, "do this world a favor and exit it."

That last line in Ethel’s tweet, “do the world a favor and exit it,” got a lot of people justifiably angry since it was very easily misconstrued as Ethel advocating for Woodford's defenders to commit suicide (she claimed it was meant to say “exit Woodford’s church of transphobia”). And while EoT later apologized and clarified the incredibly poor wording of that last comment, she still refused to apologize to Rachel after several months of targeted bullying and defamation. When Rachel saw the infamous tweet, it only served to amplify her pre-existing feelings of depression since she mistaken that tweet to be directed at her instead of Lizzy Lang. And a few days later, in an act of desperation Rachel posted an impromptu unedited video begging and pleading for Ethel to stop bullying her, not realizing that she was still badly bleeding from cuts on her arm due to feeling completely hopeless and isolated (Rachel already had a history of engaging in self-harm and cutting).

But not even Rachel engaging in self-harm nor her feelings of suicidality were enough to sway Ethel, who still continued to double-down on their harassment by arguing that Rachel "weaponizing self-harm, transmisogyny, and benevolent patriarchy," and was using "upper-class cis white woman tears" (even though Rachel has openly admitted to being lower-middle class). And to this very day, Ethel still continues to slander Rachel and falsely label her as a "serial transphobe" and "abuser" all throughout her videos, even going as far as to not only claim, "Rachel Oates' [abuse] was the second most psychologically destructive thing [she's] ever suffered, only being second to being raped as a child," but that she would rather relive her trauma of "being outed as bisexual, groomed at age 15, and sexually assaulted."

Seriously... FREAKING YIKES! Those are incredibly extreme and inflammatory statements to make! I do understand that Ethel is a CSA survivor (and on that level I 100% empathize with her because that is of course absolutely terrible and is one of the absolute WORST things anyone can suffer from), but claiming that someone circumventing a Twitter Block and or begging you to stop bullying her whilst feeling suicidal is even remotely comparable to “being raped as a child"?! That is so unbelievably insensitive on so many levels that I don’t even know where to start! It’s insensitive to not only Rachel herself, but to other CSA survivors as well since it trivializes their trauma! Ethel should know better than this!

Also, that screenshot of Ethel tweeting a link to a Guardian article discussing the weaponization of white woman tears? That was literally the top pinned-tweet to her Twitter account immediately days after Rachel posted that desperate video of her pleading to Ethel to stop her harassment campaign whilst feeling suicidal. What a truly vile and unempathetic thing for Ethel to do!

Section 3: Showing support for Rachel Oates

After I did more research into the whole EssenceOfThought Vs. Rachel Oates situation, as well as hearing Rachel's side of the story, I ended up subscribing to Rachel's YouTube channel and have since become a fan of her work. Before I eventually unsubscribed from Ethel's channel due to the way she similarly bullied several of Lily Orchard’s victims, I was given the impression by her that Rachel Oates was just another garden-variety TERF YouTuber based on he way Ethel constantly talked about her. But that’s NOT accurate at all… Rachel's channel from what I’ve seen is mainly just about discussions of secularism and religion, feminism, book reviews, and cute dog videos!

Seriously, her dog Kyra is so FREAKING adorable!

Look at her! Kyra's such a good girl! She's such a cute doggy!

But yeah, this is a prime example of how Ethel’s pattern of engaging in bad-faith moral absolutism while misrepresenting events and evidence can be seriously damaging to uninitiated viewers. And I say that not only as someone who was largely unaware of the full extent of what she had done to Rachel, but also because Ethel frames her content in a very pseudo-academic/intellectual manner and uses a lot of professional sounding words to try and disguise severely misguided and inflammatory arguments. She tries to portray her YouTube videos as if they’re akin to college-level essays with lots of citations and crap, which can easily fool people into thinking that her content is well-researched and sophisticated. Except looking below the surface, in hindsight Ethel’s videos are mostly just pretentious word-salad, cherry-picking evidence, and relying heavily on academic terminology in order promote her thinly-veiled absolutist black-&-white views on morality, attacking anyone who is “not progressive enough” for her (in addition to Rachel, Ethel & Levi have also done this to other leftist YouTubers like Lindsay Ellis, Philosophy Tube, & Suris the Skeptic). According to Ethel’s logic, you’re either an entirely good or entirely bad person, and there’s zero in-between and if you dare disagree with her to even the slightest degree then she’ll automatically consider you to be just as bad as the far-right. Basically, it’s moral absolutism.

All of Ethel’s fallacious claims against Rachel Oates are textbook examples of bad-faith moral absolutism, and I deeply regret the fact that I was ever once a fan of Ethel’s content. She is a bully and a liar. And that’s a conclusion I arrived to after seeing how Rachel’s stories about being repeatedly slandered & bullied by Ethel heavily paralleled the similar experiences of individuals like Shiloh Conner, thereby revealing a pattern of toxic behavior on Ethel’s part.

Section 4: Ethel’s renewed and current bullying campaign

So why do I bring all of this stuff up?

Well, even though the worst of the harassment Rachel suffered was back in 2019 and she has since tried to move on from this whole fiasco and continues making her usual feminist book reviews and dog videos (she even deliberately avoids mentioning EssenceOfThought by name in her videos...), Ethel has not only repeatedly tried to drag all of this drama back up, but has this singleminded obsessive vendetta to defame and destroy Rachel's YouTube career at all costs. For instance, in 2022 Ethel tried to further slander Rachel by yet again engaging in "guilt by association" fallacy because notable transgender TERF YouTuber "Rose of Dawn" (aka, the British equivalent of Blaire White) once tried to befriend Rachel in 2020 after the initial harassment campaign by Ethel, and later in 2022 Rose openly defended self-confessed genocidal serial rapist Lily Cade when the latter was platformed in an infamous transphobic BBC article. What Ethel completely neglects to mention however, is that Rachel had permanently stopped interacting with Rose when several members of her audience informed her that Rose is actually a TERF (and the way Rose suddenly tried to befriend Rachel after Ethel's bullying of her strikes me as very cult-like since TERFs sadly do have a history in engaging in incredibly abusive cultish tactics to recruit new members, as many people who have escaped that disgusting hate movement have reported...) and she has since apologized for ever giving Rose any attention. Regardless, Ethel still tried to falsely implicate Rachel alongside "Rose of Dawn" in a video condemning Lily Cade & the BBC, which led to Rachel rightfully filing a defamation claim to YouTube, getting Ethel's then-latest slanderous hit-peace against Rachel blocked in the UK.

But even worse however, is that starting in August 2023 Ethel has begun releasing a constant stream of videos continuing to smear Rachel even further by both repeating all of the exact same aforementioned slanderous claims along with a whole bunch of new ones. Like, not only has Ethel already released 3 main videos out of a planned 6-part series ranting about Rachel Oates, but she has also released 24 shorts taken from the main videos!

Geez! Not only is this beyond obsessive, but this is just straight-up targeted bullying and harassment on Ethel's part! And the new claims she makes against Rachel in these videos are equally slanderous as the ones before! For just one example, Ethel & Levi’s cite a now-deleted livestream of Rachel's that they re-uploaded as a mirrored-copy to their channel, accusing Rachel of denying trans-women's existence by making the offhanded comment of, “No, the only thing a man can provide me that a woman can’t is a p*nis. Only thing.”

Except… I actually went and watched the ENTIRE 3-hour mirrored livestream myself just to see the full context of Rachel’s quote, and it turns out that Ethel took that quote completely out of context! Not only are there lots of points in the livestream wherein Rachel repeatedly states that “gender is a social construct and that trans and non-binary people exist,” but during the stream she's doing a counter-response to a Christian fundamentalist incel who once responded one of her earlier videos. And that potentially problematic quote of Rachel’s, “No, the only thing a man can provide me that a woman can’t is a p*nis. Only thing,” was actually a sarcastic response to the incel’s homophobic argument that “women don’t want to love their equals [(aka other women)] because they actually all want what only a [dominant alpha male] can provide them.”

Essentially, Rachel was criticizing the incel’s sexist & homophobic “logic” that, “all women secretly only want p*nises,” in a snarky & sarcastic manner, but Ethel took Rachel’s comment out of context to try and instead paint it as some transphobic-slip-of-the-tongue/TERF-dogwhistle, accusing Rachel of “completely ignoring the existence of non or pre-op trans women,” in order to try and support the fallacious argument that, “Rachel Oates doesn’t actually view trans women as real women, but instead as props to objectify in order to make herself look like a better ally.”

Not once does Ethel ever mention the context that Rachel was responding to & mocking a bigoted incel during the livestream... at all...

I don't have time to go into all of the other new lies that Ethel & Levi are currently spewing against Rachel Oates since this post has already gotten incredibly lengthy (for instance, Ethel also claimed that Rachel “downplayed JK Rowling’s transphobia” simply because she used the words “incredibly problematic” to describe the Queen TERF’s bigoted views; which is such a weak and pedantic argument), but it’s a whole lot…

Conclusion

Overall, I just wanted to bring attention to this situation because EssenceOfThought's harassment campaign against Rachel Oates has been ongoing since 2019 and it shows ZERO signs of stopping anytime soon. Ethel & Levi are serial bullies and liars who regularly engage in bad-faith arguments, misrepresent evidence, and engage in moral absolutism in order to paint anyone who disagrees with them or makes even the slightest mistake as the worst people imaginable. So the more people who are made aware of this mess, the better.

Please show support for Rachel, whether that be through signal-boosting this post, subscribing to her YouTube channel, or even donating to her Patreon if you so choose.

And to EssenceOfThought, aka Ethel Thurston, (along with her editor Levi...) specifically, the famed basketball player Michael Jordan would have some choice words for you:

And I mean that sincerely. Seriously... just stop this targeted bullying & slander campaign against Rachel. It's incredibly unhealthy and obsessive. Just let it go already...

#rachel oates #EssenceOfThought is a bully #EssenceOfThought is a liar #EssenceOfThought is a moral absolutist #cw: cyberbullying mention #cw: self-harm mention #cw: suicidality mention #cw: child abuse mention #lily orchard is a predator #anti lily orchard #mini essay #tangent #serious post

[just-antithings]

When i was an anti i used to think adult proshippers were this child hating/child bullying sociopaths who didn't care about children but now all i see is some tired adult just not wanting to deal with children on the internet left unattended and somehow that's the unrelated adult's fault. I mean, damn, once i'm 18 i'm probably going to be a MDNI account too.

.

#mod erin #ask #posted without comment #bullying mention #ableist language cw

[ribesrubrum]

under the mask of pride (fear rises as a guide)

//so i feel...honestly, a little guilty for how little i've been around as of late, especially since things are picking up drama-wise. irl debuffs aplenty will do that to you. but i wanted to get some writing out to kind of describe Carmine's mental state, so. here we are.

//fair warning: this fic is technically kind of offscreen rp in that it's at least canon that ren and carmine talked like this, though i'd greatly prefer it not be spread as a rumor or leak or something. but it also does talk about some heavy topics; namely very heavy self loathing, some mention of parental abandonment and abuse (heehoo headcanoning carmine's parents/why she's like this), mentions of bullying, self harm in the form of hair pulling/trichotillomania, and uh. ...look i'm not gonna beat around the bush, i don't wanna edgelord, i wanna treat this with respect but i also don't wanna sugarcoat it, this gets about as close to implying carmine was about to take drastic measures to alleviate her suffering as i'm comfortable with getting. the less implicit version of this warning will be in the tags. please uncollapse the tags before reading. dead dove: do not eat is in full effect here.

//this is going to be pretty heavy, and also stupid long. feel free to click if you're okay with handling that.

Carmine's listlessness has only grown as the days have worn on, she's finding. It doesn't help that her knuckles are still raw from punching her wall a day prior--she's thankful it seems like the wall fix went off without a hitch, and all she got was a rather stern talking to about making noise so late at night before the teacher that spoke with her went off. Cardigan's been sticking close to her side since Leavanny elected to stay near Kieran at least for a time, but even now, she feels pathetic for it.

Pathetic that she can't help her brother. Pathetic that she can't help her girlfriend, who simply wants to make sure that the whole club that they built together and maintained isn't destroyed because of Drayton's boneheaded move. If Carmine looked deep within herself, she'd be looking at Kiki's actions too, that he allowed this, that he's possibly setting himself up to lose everything. That Drayton's encouraging it, and she's been more on edge than ever and ready to tear someone apart for it. If she doesn't wind up punching him out when all is said and done, she's going to be very surprised.

Cardigan trills a bit from beside her, and she looks down to the flower-less Lilligant, pausing a bit as she looks down. She recognizes that trill, and knows that she's probably being concerning right now. Emotional regulation is still something that Carmine struggles with, even now, knowing that she can't and she shouldn't scream her feelings out to try and get people to understand, that yelling doesn't help, that you have to see other's perspectives. Even if sometimes, they trounce all over your own. Carmine looks down to Cardigan, giving the Lilligant a tired smile.

"...Sorry, Cardi. I know I'm probably not making your job very easy." It's soft in a way Carmine never usually is. In a way that Carmine never allows herself to be--she's all bravado and arrogance because for years, that's what kept her safe. That's what kept her and her brother safe, even if it clipped his wings and made everyone around her hesitant to approach either of them. It was safety, the thorns and briars that she metaphorically planted around herself, letting them spread where she walked and lashing them out at anyone who would even for a second think of hurting her. It was safety, it was lonely, but it was home.

...It's no wonder she likes grass types so much. The Lilligant's gaze only seems to get sadder when she says that much, gentle, leafy hands going to take one of her own as Cardigan stares up at her, as if trying to communicate something with those amber eyes that almost seem pleading. Carmine's hand trembles a bit, because once again she doesn't understand, she can't understand, why can't she--

Carmine hears footsteps, and immediately, her guard is up. She's immediately ready to go on the attack, in case anyone saw her, in case she has to defend being out for a walk in the Canyon Biome with her therapy Pokemon, something she's already received plenty of jabs about--but no. There's a familiar mop of blue hair, and that silly, dorky looking Orthworm is following them and waving with them, as Terry and Mio seem to take over where they left off. Ren's an idiot, in the bluntest of terms, but there's a sense of safety that comes with them. That they can see her, at her worst and most cruel, and laugh and let it slide off their back so easily. Because they were her age once. Her gender once, even, though that's largely irrelevant. They always seem so certain and keep their spirits so high, even if she's the only one they've trusted with some of their worries. And Carmine in turn, has trusted Ren with some of hers.

...They're about as disconnected from this entire situation as they can be, even though they met during that trip. It's as Carmine is contemplating going up to them and being a bother and just turning heel and walking away that the choice is made for her, as they turn around, start walking and see her--

"Oh! Miss Carmine, hey!"

She could walk away. She could just tell them to piss off and lash out, and destroy one of the few unconnected relationships she has with this entire mess, one of the few things that's genuinely hers. She could recede inside herself, lock herself away like she did after she reached her breaking point, when she nearly...

"Hey, Ren. Finally getting your nose out of those cameras?"

The barb is light, half-hearted at best, and could probably make someone deeply passionate a little upset at being teased. And yet Ren takes it in stride, laughing easily as they walk up, Lulu going to Cardigan and just kind of talking with the Lilligant for a moment. "You know it, girlie! Arc, all of these worms are doin' so well, they ain't overwhelmin' the environment nor gettin' overwhelmed themselves--everything's so perfect right now, it's really amazing! Ohh, I gotta tell you about some of the babies, they're just--"

For a brief moment, Carmine thinks she can just get away with Ren going on a hyperfixation ramble and forgetting her own worries in favor of focusing on the things her rival has accomplished. Because it is quite the accomplishment, even if Carmine's definitely harped on them for trying to downplay it before. But their gaze goes to Cardigan and Lulu, falling quickly and their words fading off as Carmine looks, and now everyone looks concerned.

Carmine's posture tightens as she realizes she can't get away with this so easily. She feels their gaze dart back to her, and she's already sure her expression is stormy, and...

"...I think that's enough about me." Fuck. Their voice has softened considerably, and she knows she's done for. "Miss Carmine, are you--"

"I'm fine, Ren." It comes out too sharp, too defensive, and there's a brief moment where she's hoping Ren will just walk away at that. She's shaking, she knows she is, and her gaze averts a bit only to feel not just Cardigan, but Lulu--that stupid, brainless worm--take her hands, wrapping them both in leaves and tendrils, and it feels disgusting and bitter and she wants to run and hide, she wants to tear her hands away--

"...Miss Carmine." Ren's voice sounds so soft, so...sad for a moment, and there's a pause as more footsteps can be heard--Carmine doesn't even bother to flinch, but she feels a tug on both of her hands as she opens her eyes, seeing Ren nod at both Pokemon before looking to her with a smile that's both soft and sad.

"Come on, Miss Carmine. Let's go somewhere else to talk, okay?"

---------------------------------------------

The trip back to her room is arduous, even though it barely takes more than fifteen minutes. Every agonizing second feels like a walk of shame, but she realizes something along the way. It's only so long because Ren knows their way around here like the back of their hand now; they know where people aren't, because they aren't some social butterfly who likes to help in every club. They take her through an easy but arduous path that leaves her alone in her head, and it takes a couple of second after Ren's stopped for her to stop too.

"...You must have a lot on yer mind to be makin' mistakes like this, Miss Carmine." Ren's voice is soft, non-judgemental, and they don't even flinch when she turns back to face them with something of a severe expression. It's the kind of care and kindness she doesn't deserve, she's sure, but as she unlocks the door to her room and ushers Ren and their Pokemon inside, it's something she finds herself internally thankful for.

Carmine's room is a mess, perhaps moreso than usual. Stress eating will do that, bags of chips and other sweet and savory alike strewn about. Cardigan doesn't even seem surprised, but Lulu, bless his stupid little soul, seems taken aback by it as he draws himself inside. She hears Ren's footsteps as they close the door behind them, a small sound escaping them as they walk in front of Carmine.

"You want some help cleanin' off that bed of yours?" Carmine looks over at her messy, disheveled bed, and it's many snacks and wrappers as well. It's an absolute Tepigsty, more than she'd ever allow anyone to see. She feels herself listlessly nod her head as she looks over to Ren, who's concern hasn't dampened even an inch as they move to help in an instant. She's thankful she's got a vacuum and that it's early enough in the afternoon that nobody's likely around the dorms; Cardigan and Lulu both assist as well as they help clear it off, at least enough to let Carmine sit down on it once they're all done.

Cardigan hops on the bed with Carmine as she sits down, and Lulu rests his head near Ren's feet as he gets himself comfortable on the floor, and Ren looks to her, finally broaching the topic, "Ya look like you got a lot on yer mind, Miss Carmine. You sure everything's okay?"

It takes Carmine a lot longer than she'd like to respond. Cardigan gently takes hold of one of Carmine's hands, gently petting it with her own leafy appendage. The eventual response she settles on is a bitter laugh.

"...I don't know." It comes out so soft and uncertain, it feels like she's a different person entirely when she says it. "I thought everything was fine. I thought...I don't know, I thought that everything would be okay. I really let myself believe that now that I made up with my brother, that everything would go back to some sort of normal, but..."

Carmine's voice pitches higher and higher with every word, and she finds herself shaking a bit. She can't even look at her rival right now, how pathetic can she even get?

"Oh, Carmine..." There's not even that weirdly respectful 'Miss' at the beginning of her name, and a part of her hates that, that she's being seen as sympathetic for even a moment when she doesn't deserve it, she doesn't deserve this, if she'd just trusted Kiki-- "Nothin' is ever that easy, but I remember how relieved ya were when Kiki actually bothered to respond."

"Yeah." Carmine confirms that much, listlessly, but a ghost of a smile traces her face. "...It really filled me with hope, for a second. That maybe things could go back to some sort of normal, that I could really see Kiki for all he is. It wanted to be seen and come into it's own, and I...I didn't know how to do that, but..."

"...But you wanted to try." Ren's words softly intervene. Carmine nods shortly after.

"I wanted to try. I still do. But it's...that big fight happened, and now everything's just...it feels like we're right back where we started."

Carmine's voice breaks a little bit, and try as she might to rein it in, it's harder to get back on track. At this point, she feels, she might as well just give up.

"...I don't know what to do."

Carmine's gaze stays down, because she can't look at Ren, she can't, she just can't. But Ren's words; soft, steady words, a contrast to the cold steel they loved so dearly, pour out none the less.

"...It's a tough position to be in, Carmine. Ya got your brother and it's undyin' need to win on one side, and ya got Miss Amarys tryin' her damnedest to hold everyone together on the other, yeah?"

"Yeah. And it's like--I don't want to destroy the relationship I have with my brother. I want to rebuild it, to let it come into it's own. But I...my beloved is right, even if I worry about saying it. She tries so hard to uphold the rules of the club, of this school, and these--these jerks keep sending her horrible, disgusting things for it. And for what?"

A quiet settles over the room, and she's sure Ren expects her to elaborate, but she doesn't. Not even she knows what, and she's sure Ren gets it by the time they speak up next.

"...I ain't gonna go makin' any assumptions, but...I don't even think I know the answer to that, Carmine."

It's soft, when Ren admits it. Sad, even. She can only imagine what their face is doing right now, and it gets Carmine to laugh a bit. Bitterly, wretchedly.

"Neither do--neither do I, Ren. And do you know how much that kills me?"

Carmine's voice pitch rises, and she feels her free hand drawing into her hair, Cardigan's trills of concern becoming more apparent as she tries to hop over and dislodge it--

"I love Kiki! I love Amarys! I love them both more than life itself and I--if I say anything at all, I'm going to hurt one of them. Both of them, even, maybe, whether I intend it or not! And the little Mandibuzzes on here, flying around and trying to hurt everyone in this school, they'll be on it in an instant, they'll--they'll hurt them both, they'll turn them both against each other, and I--if I do anything, they already know it's my fault from the start, that all of this is, that I was stupid and boneheaded and lied to my brother because I was scared it could've gotten hurt--"

"Miss Carmine."

"--and I told Juliana to lie, yes, I got so worried that Kiki would just get so excited and that Ogerpon could've hurt or done something worse to it, but then my grandfather told me to keep my mouth shut about helping Ogerpon and I--I didn't--"

"Miss Carmine."

"--And then it--it stole her mask, and I've never been more angry in my life at it, and it just--it keeps stomping on others feelings, and it won't believe anyone, and I don't know what I can actually do--"

"Miss Carmine, please--!"

"WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

Carmine's shriek practically causes her to lunge at her friend, the firm tone in that moment making her see someone else. Wide yellow eyes fiercely stare at bright blue ones, as Ren startles a bit at the ferocity in her tone. The quiet over the room is tense and uneasy, and Ren already sees a few strands got torn out because of it. They take a gentle breath in as realization hits Carmine, but she's still for a moment. Still as Cardigan trills with concern, as Lulu looks up with even more concern on his dopey little face, though he looks ready to hold Carmine back more than anything.

Ren's surprisingly quick on the uptake, at least, and they speak up again before Carmine can.

"Isn't that somethin' you should be askin' of yourself?"

Ren's words are confusing, and the confusion must be apparent on her face as they reach her ears. Ren gently breathes, and continues, "I mean it. You've been talkin' this entire time about Kiki this, Amarys that, and I ain't gonna disparage you for that. Sure puts any rumors of ya bein' self centered to bed, not that I believed 'em anyway. But..."

"What is it that ya want, at the end of it all? Isn't that a question that's come up even once for ya...?"

Carmine can't even believe what she's hearing.

"Why does that matter? I've taken what I wanted for years, I--"

"Okay, you hold on a second here." Ren's words are still soft, but there's a firmness to them now that cuts through her words like butter. "When did that stop bein' a question you asked yerself?"

"It doesn't matter--"

"It absolutely does matter? Girl, yer gettin' tugged in two different directions and ya sound like yer long past the end of yer rope."

"Why does it matter when I've been nothing but a selfish bitch this entire time?!"

And that startles Ren enough to actually get them to stop for a second, completely taken aback. Carmine's gaze goes downward, and she's shaking, horribly.

"Those anons were right, okay?! I ruined Kiki's one good friendship because I'm a bonehead, I'm a failure of a girlfriend who can't even help the girl I love so much with her anger and problems other than just being there like a useless cardboard cutout, I deserve this, all of it, even all of the hateful words and it would've just been so much easier if I had--"

Something stops Carmine in her tracks from speaking. Multiple of them, really. Cardigan's hands, for starters, wrapped firmly around one of her own hands; two of Lulu's tendrils wrap around the other, and even Carmine has to admit that she's surprised by how little an Orthworm's head seems to weigh as he rests his head on one of her legs with concern.

The final thing, that she didn't even hear, is Ren getting up and putting a firm, supportive hand on her shoulder, tiny as said hand is. When she actually gets a look at their face, they look like they're about to cry, and for a brief moment she wonders if she's just gone and ruined another friendship.

"Don't--don't you dare talk about yerself like that again, you hear me?"

Oh. That's not what she expected at all; Ren's voice practically trembles as they say that, and it hits something in her. Carmine's eyes well up with tears of her own, and she can practically hear herself sniffling.

"...I'm sorry, Ren." Her voice is so soft, so delicate, so fragile in the moment that she wonders if it's her own. "I'm...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm..."

"I know you are." Ren's voice softens from that point on, and their grip becomes a little easier. A little more slack, but still there. "When did ya stop seein' yerself as someone not worth considerin' the feelin's of, girl...?"

"...I don't know. It was...before that. Maybe when Amarys and Kiki fought that one time. I--I don't know." Carmine's voice is shaky as she struggles to keep herself together, and she feels Cardigan shift and pull her arm into a hug, and the tears start pouring down at that. She can't stop them, even if she's not a sobbing wreck with no dignity. Yet, at least. "...I don't want to lose anything else."

That gets a pause from Ren, who does their best to calm themself down. "Anything else...?"

"...My parents are divorced. My dad was...he was awful. Just a screaming, bumbling oaf who went from job to job while my mom stayed home and took care of us. Though she was...she was way more focused on Kiki..."

Ren listens carefully, nodding their head as Carmine continues.

"I haven't seen either of them in...years. We usually live with our grandparents, when we're not here. Last time I saw my mom, we got into an argument. I asked her why she stopped caring for me. Why she just...tried to leave me with him--"

"...She what?"

Carmine spares a quick glance at Ren's face, when they say that--practically seething with an anger they don't usually express. "...Yeah. She--she said she could only handle one of us, and that I was Dad's favorite, so..."

"Girl." Ren's doing their best to keep their tone level, but the anger doesn't leave. Hell, if anything, it mixes with the sheer unholy audacity of what they heard, leaving them flabberghasted-- "What the fuck is wrong with your mom?"

Carmine laughs, and while it sounds bitter, there's almost some mirth to it. "Yeah. Like I said. We got into an argument last time I talked to her. I told her I wanted an apology for her trying to abandon me, before Dad went and ran away. I...haven't spoken to her since."

"Carmine...what the fuck, that's so..."

A silence hangs over the room as Ren trails off, but Carmine breaks the silence after a few moments.

"...Between this, and the rest of the shit I dealt with at school...I...I didn't want Kiki to turn out like me." Carmine sniffles, tears still coming unbidden. "I thought you had to be tough and mean to make it, but I just...I wanted Kiki to grow up happy. I wanted it to have a better life than me. I was this bitter, mean girl, but I thought I could at least make it so my little brother--it'd have a chance at growing up to be a gentle hearted little dork who had something happy in it's life. But all I did...it all just amounted to...to..."

There's a few seconds more of sniffling before the dam finally breaks, and Carmine just starts to sob without an end. She's pretty sure her makeup is running down her face, if it hasn't been already; she finally just breaks, her tears pouring and pouring down as she sobs wretchedly and loudly, her hands finally being relinquished so she can try, in vain, to wipe those tears off. But still they come; the pain of so much more than a simple inciting incident, but still mostly that.

Ren uses their own free hand to wipe away the tears falling from their own eyes, as they just let her for a bit.

"...I want to stop hurting." Carmine speaks up, and Ren starts for a moment as they listen. "I want to stop feeling like the evil person that everyone thinks I am. But what if I'm just born evil, and there's no changing that...?"

"That's--" Ren speaks up, briefly, but Carmine speaks again and they let her get it out of her system.

"I want to make things better. I want to just know if it's all my fault, I want to know if I'm just--if I'm justified, in being unable to forgive Kiki for some of the stuff it did." Carmine sniffles again, wretched sobs still escaping her. "...I want to be able to be happy again, without feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. I want to make my girlfriend's pain go away--I want to make Kiki's pain go away, and fuck, maybe even Atlas' and some of the others. I want the world to just stop for a bit, at least so I can stop aching like this. I...I think I just want, more than anything, for someone to tell me I've suffered enough for this, or at the very least, that I just haven't grown up to become a little clone of Dad."

"...Is that so much to ask?"

The question is soft, full of despair, but it at least feels...somewhat good, to try and dislodge some of the thorns in her. It's painful and it feels dizzying, but Ren's hand remains steady, even if their own tears come down hard.

"...You're a teenager. A teenager shouldn't--you shouldn't ever have to ask that kind of shit of yourself." Ren's words are soft, with an empathy forged in the same shit they went through. Just without a depressive spiral and a shut-in phase. "You deserve to be happy, Carmine. You made a dumb, boneheaded mistake, but that doesn't mean you're evil. And it sure as fuck don't mean that you've gone and become your Dad."

Carmine pauses a bit, her sobs coming slower as she tries to listen.

"None of that shit yer askin' about, none of it's too much. But how's anyone else gonna be happy--how can ya share happiness with others if ya ain't gettin' happiness for yerself, y'know?"

"Because ya do deserve it. Whether ya want to admit it or not. Yer not evil, yer not your dad, you're literally a confused sixteen year old girl who should've never been made to feel like that."

It's shocking to hear, really. All of it is. Ren says it with so much conviction that Carmine almost believes it.

"...I don't want to talk anymore. I...I think I just want to...cry..."

"...Cry as much as you need, girl. I'll be here as long as you need."

"Don't--don't tell anyone about this, Ren. Please. Everyone has enough to worry about, and I...I don't want to put more on them. Please, I already feel bad enough burdening you..."

Ren manages something of a soft, warm chuckle at that. "...No worries, girl. What we talked about is stayin' in here, I swear on my life."

"...Thank you, Ren."

Carmine cries herself out eventually; by the time she's done, the two of them have shifted from the bed to the floor, bringing Carmine's mattress down to floor level so they could distract themselves until Carmine fell asleep. It's no easy fix, listening to a friend, but...if it makes the burden lighter, then Ren has no problem with it.

They were in a similar place many years ago with no one to help them, after all. It's the least they can do.

#carmine talks #pokemon irl #pkmn irl #pokeblogging #rotomblr #long post #pokeirl fanfic #drama stakes pokereality #cw suicidal ideation #cw self harm #cw abusive parents #cw emotional abuse #cw bullying #cw mention of attempted child abandonment #cw child abandonment #ask to tag #//that SHOULD encompass everything #//but if i have missed anything at all. please let me know and i will tag #//this is a long and very difficult ride i worked very hard on

[helicarrier]

If someone asks me about my issues with DNIs, I think I’ll just refer them to this post from now on.

Tumblr, as a website, is designed for quick, casual content sharing. You can follow blogs, then immediately like and reblog posts from them. New posts are even recommended to you directly on your dash, so you don’t even need to look at their originating blogs to interact with them. DNIs put a wrench in this intuitive manner of using tumblr. They force someone to stop and detour and read a page before they touch any posts from a blog they don't know, and that contradicts how tumblr is intuitively meant to be used. If you see a post and you like it, and if there’s an icon right underneath it, your first reaction is to click the icon. I’m sure most of us have instinctively clicked “like” (or “reblog”) on a post we found interesting.

DNIs prevent this kind of “casual” interaction. Their existence means you have to stop yourself before you interact (in any way) with a cool post, find the DNI page of the person who reblogged the post and, if applicable, find the DNI of the person who made the original post as well (because they’ll also receive the notification, unless they deleted the post on their blog), read it, then return to the post. Nothing about DNIs are baked into the functionality of tumblr in an intuitive way; if anything, the only real “do not interact with me” function you will find here in tumblr’s infrastructure is the block function.

Because DNIs are so antithetical to how tumblr functions, they're an inherently futile way of preventing interaction with certain groups of people, too. Most people aren't going to read my rules or my pinned post before they interact with my content. I would not expect them to, because it doesn't occur to many people, and it's a lot of wasted time. Even people with certain kinds of users in their DNIs routinely interact with posts made by those very people, proving this point. It is so inconvenient and absurd to read a page every time someone so much as likes a post by a random blog. Those people you don't want interacting with you? They're probably reading your blog; liking your posts even if they don't expressly say they're x group from your DNI. They're doing the same to my posts, too. That's just the price we pay for being in a public space focused on content sharing. And I accept this. Other peoples' behaviour is completely out of my control. I just block people when needed, because it is my responsibility to curate my space.

And that is the crux of the matter: I refuse to pass the responsibility of curating my space onto strangers. I refuse to make it someone else's problem when they are using tumblr in the way it was meant to be used. Ideologically and functionally, it does not make sense to me.

Just think about it: tumblr is a public website. Unless your blog is password-protected, people can find it anytime, and if they really want to interact, they'll interact regardless of your DNI. It’s not like most people will say, "oh, drat, I'm a racist, I should leave!". Maybe they’ll just interact because the labels you dislike are not visible on their blog, so they'll fly under your radar. And at times where peoples' labels or behaviour are visible, the good ol' block button is the golden standard. It always has been.

If I become mutuals with someone, sure, we'll agree to scratch each others' backs, and tag whatever the other person needs tagged. But that's different from expecting every stranger who comes across my content, wherever it shows up, to follow demands that are all the way over here, on this blog. If someone reblogs one of my photosets way over in the Stranger Things fandom, and people see the reblogged post, they shouldn't need to come to my Marvel/Random Shit™ blog and read my pages before clicking the stupid little heart button. But imagine needing to do this with every single person, every single post of theirs. Sure, maybe you’re familiar with the DNIs of the people you follow. But what about all the posts they’ve reblogged? Those posts have OPs. Do the OPs of those posts have a DNI that’s favourable to you, too?

DNIs aren't even optional reads now, and everyone suffers because of that. The proliferation of DNIs has made a culture where if someone accidentally forgets to read a DNI, doesn't know that DNIs exist, or misinterprets the contents of a DNI, it’s considered acceptable to harass them for it. It's anxiety-inducing.

“...Shit, I forgot to like their DNI.”

It doesn't help that I never know what "basic DNI criteria" means, or what the "etcetera" means either, because it changes from person to person. Folks, I’ve seen homophobes with “basic DNI criteria” in their pages. That aside, you can say "bigots DNI", but a lot of transphobes don't believe they're bigots, so you could still get radfems liking your posts. You could say "bullies DNI", but many fanpols don't consider themselves bullies, because they believe if someone writes fanfiction from the perspective of Hannibal Lecter, of course their reaction to it isn’t “bullying”, it's just justified shaming!

Everyone is the hero of their own story, and everyone thinks they're the exception. They will be the exception to your DNI, too. Again, this all goes back to the "you can't control who interacts with your content" thing. It's maddening to try and think of all the angles, all the ways to "catch" people, all the ways to plug up all the holes. You may not want to hear it, but you never will. You can get the broad strokes, but you’ll never get everyone, you won’t even get close. Even if you do somehow manage to fit all the exact terms into your DNI, and you end up with a DNI longer than a CVS receipt, you’re still going to run into all the people who... Simply don’t read it. Meanwhile, you look a little too preoccupied with who’s looking at your blog on a public website, and even if a well-intended person comes across your blog, they may just check out because they’re uncomfortable with the micromanaging.

...If they can read the DNI. Look, I’m all for creative formatting, but I see so many DNIs (and carrds in general) that have hot pink writing on a red background, or baby pink on baby blue, or yellow on lime green, and I can’t read any of it, not to mention it’s a migraine risk among other things. I’m not reading dozens of these pages every other day.

It doesn't help that many DNIs are rude, angry, hostile pages that tell people to kill themselves. That's not right. When someone volunteers to read an information page, they are doing that person a courtesy. It is shameful people need to read things like "kill yourself", "swallow a knife", and other verbal sewage. It doesn't matter if it's directed to them or not. Simply looking for people to follow and interact with, simply liking a post, should not be an exercise in mental fortitude. Needing to read awful threats over and over again should not be a requirement for engaging on this site. Imagine having depression, intrusive thoughts, and so on, where this stuff could land twice as hard. It's gotten to the point where my eyes immediately gloss over when I open a DNI, because my mind simply doesn't want to see any more shit and is trying to protect me. I'm at the point where I don't want to open DNIs at all.

But as you guessed, there's a problem with that. Because DNIs are almost compulsory on tumblr now, ignoring them has two possible outcomes: one, you annoy a ton of people, because maybe their DNIs say they don't want you around, but you're interacting with their stuff anyways. Maybe you get labelled as the person who ignores DNIs. Two, you stop your browsing in part, or as a whole, meaning almost nobody gets likes or reblogs from you anymore, because you’re trying to not waste your time, you’re trying to preserve your sanity, etc. And this hamstrings content creators.

One of the biggest flaws in DNIs is that nobody is obligated to reveal information on themselves. Minors can easily hide their age. Bigots can hide their bigotry. People can remove info from their description until they're clear of someone's initial "new follower vibe check", then put it back. Nobody knows you're a dog on the internet. It's naive to assume people will be honest about themselves, and adhere to a DNI.

DNIs are often so incredibly vague and their attitude so charged that people can't even ask for clarification, because the writer of the DNI could be radicalized and have very unhealthy views, and absolutely attack someone for reaching out. A DNI might say, "don't interact if you support incest", but it never clarifies in real life, or fiction. There has been an enormous uptick in moral panic over fiction lately, so lots of people might ask for clarification, but if they do, the person could say "in real life and fiction, duh!", flame them because they "didn't know something so obvious, it must mean they're sus!", then flame them again because they viewed the poor person's blog and saw lots of mature content they think people shouldn't write. It's absurd, but unfortunately, that kind of panic has spread. Many people use DNIs as extensions of their unhealthy interaction, media consumption, and browsing habits.

So I usually avoid DNIs.

All in all, I don't mind if someone politely asks other people to not interact, or if they say they block for certain stuff, if there’s a clear awareness that it's not a be-all, end-all solution, and that people will still interact. As long as they put the onus on themselves, rather than other people, to curate their space, it’s cool. For example, if someone is an 18+ blog, and they ask minors not to interact? Cool, if they don’t “punish” or otherwise attack minors who find posts of theirs on other blogs, and “like” them from there without going all the way over to the OG blog to see if they’re allowed to do like it. Because again, that’s a bit of an unfair requirement to impose on people. And whatever.

Because people shouldn’t feel like they’re playing minesweeper when they want to click a heart. Between the terfs, racists, and all the other issues, we have enough on our hands already.

#dni #dni lists #psa #essay #fandom #censorship #twitter #bullying #harassment #*deux ex machina voice* it is done. #death threat mention cw #graphic threat mention cw #racist mention cw #terf mention cw