#but Alan is crying from sadness

[respectthepetty]

Pit Babe Colors Ep. 10

I'm challenging myself with this show and seeing how good my color skills really are, so I'm doing my normal thing of watching it double-speed on mute, but now, the captions are off also. It's just colors and vibes here. Also, people stay spoiling this show for me in their reblog tags on my posts, so I know Charles and Jeffrey made a dumb plan but I have no idea what it includes beyond Jeffrey going to Big Red's.

Hand over heart, I think Sonic is really pretty, which is why I haven't fully thought he is a baddie, but I need a reason for him refusing to wear blue! North gets it together every now and then, but Sonic? Boy, quit relying on that face and follow the damn color assignment!

I'm missing something but I thought Charles and Barbara were fine yet here they are fighting, but Charles spidey sense is tingling, so something bad is gonna happen or will he have sex with Barbara like they did last week? And now the glasses are off! They better not have sex on this track.

Barbara is racing?! Dean was racing last week! Was Dean informed of this plot twist? Did Barbara get healed having sex with Charles last week?

You can take the red off the boy but you can't take the red out of the boy. You are acting so sus, Jeffrey! You had a full conversation with Charles and now you are just lurking in the background. Someone spoiled that he and Charles made a plan, but if the plan is murder, he is already failing at not being suspicious.

Another hand-over-heart moment, I have no effin' idea what happened on that race track because there was so many blues then a car went off the track, and I had no real idea who it was, but I do know JEFFREY HAS SOME EXPLAINING TO DO with his suspicious ass!

Big Red lives in the same place he has his cult meetings to show off his superpowered kids? Isn't there a rule of not having cult meetings where you spray your EIGHTY MILLION BONSAI TREES! That seems dumb and contradictory, but I'm not a mega villain so what do I know?

Red is usually an emergency room color, but the red yelling at me as Barbie feels all the bad things that happen in an emergency room is a lot. Charles isn't dead because color-coded boys in love get happy endings, but Barbie is probably feeling everything right now and it probably sucks.

"Don't be suspicious. Don't be suspicious." Jeffrey, you need to make out with Alan quickly to prove you're gay, because you canNOT do crimes, and are about to be in Kentana territory again. Whatever you and Charles planned, it was dumb and Barbie is now crying.

KENTANA! Are you in on this too?!

*Record scratch* Jeffrey went back to Big Red's with the dumb plan he and Charles cooked up involving Charles dying, yes? Yes! Kentana, as Big Red's whatever-he-is, knows of the plan, SO WHY IS HE BEING BEAT UP?! Kentana, break Kimberly out and run away to the beach together. Big Red doesn't even wear red! HE SUCKS! Leave!

Stuck between the blue and the red, I see. A choice has gotta be made, Kentucky Fried Chicken. Wings or Thighs? Legs are not an option. Legs are reserved for the elite squad of Peter, Alan, and Kimberly. You don't get legs! (WHERE IS KIMBERLY?!)

Barbie woke up in black. He has no man, but he has his powers, so either he is about to enter his rich widow era or he is going to go Kill Bill on these bitches.

Horrible take. Awful take. The WORST take, but . . . if Waymond didn't decide to be bad, he would have been the perfect person to comfort Babe and ease Barbie's pain, pero . . . he had to be a little bitch instead.

Oh, NOW you wanna follow the color assignment, Sonic. NOW?!

Well, Jeffrey picked up your mantle with his not-all-black outfit and bright ass white-wrapped flowers. This isn't a wedding, Jeffrey! IT'S A FUNERAL! Jeffrey, a note from The Sign's Dr. Chalothon - FAKE IT! Sir, that empty grave is supposed to be your roommate and partner-in-dumb-crime, yet I haven't seen one single tear from someone who just lost their buddy. You're more sus than the entire cast of Dead Friend Forever. How does Barbara not suspect your ass with his spidey senses?!

Damn you, Saltburn!

KIMBERLY! AND HE'S IN BLUE! *sliding down the wall and sobbing on the floor* MY BABY HAS RETURNED!

Wait! Pause! *squints* Why did Jeffrey bring Kim? And why to Alan's house? What in the Chuck E. Cheese is happening?!

Alan, Jeffrey's roommate is quote-unquote "dead" yet you are living your best life. Can you try to be sad too or are you in on this plan and this is why Kimberly is now looking beautiful on your couch?

The blue is between y'all, but just like Charles and Barbara having sex on every surface when Kimberly was being held hostage, do y'all have no shame? Making heart eyes at each other immediately after burying an empty coffin that was supposed to be Charles. Shame! At least pretend that Charles is dead! Or fill Barbie in on this dumb plan.

Vegas' Hedgehog, you pretty bitch. I hate you.

Barbie is watching the crash, and Jeffrey and Alan are playing footsie over Charles' quote-unquote "grave." But I already know I'm more upset for Barbie than he will be for himself because he'll forgive everyone for this bullshit lie in less than two minutes.

Does Barbara think Waymond killed Charles?! He might be shitty, but he is backed by the blue. He ain't guilty! Go speak to your boyfriend's roommate and his new boyfriend, Barbie!

Oh shit! I wasn't expecting you to actually go talk to them! Hold up! Is that blue on Jeffrey?! Does he actually not have anything to do with Charlie's quote-unquote "death"?

SONIC IS WEARING BLUE IN THE BACKGROUND!

Like I know shit is going down right now because Decanus sabotaged ANOTHER car *Pikachu face* but I don't think he is in on the dumb plan to "kill" Charles so . . . Kimberly wore blue this episode and Sonic is wearing blue (even though I think there is a shimmer of red there), and I'm crying in the club because this is all I wanted, and sorry to all of y'all, but the show could end right here, and I'd be happy.

Oh no. My man is crying. I am no longer happy. I am in pain. Why is he crying so hard? Was Dean his best friend? His brother? This feels personal. Jeffrey, come give our man a hug! Right now! RIGHT FUCKING NOW, JEFFREY!

Seeing Alan cry hurt way worse than anything else that happened. Charles isn't dead, so I'm just upset that Barbie has to cry and more upset that Barbara is going to be cool with whatever dumb plan Charles made without telling him, but Alan's tears were unexpected.

However, Sonic is back on his bullshit next week, so I can't stay in my feels too long.

And I get to see Peter while someone fully commits to the blue.

Oh, and we get to see the dumb-plan-that-made-Barbie-cry in more detail. *Arthur fist* Be upset at Charles for just one episode, Barbara. Just one damn episode, please. He didn't try to assault you like Waymond, but Charles has played with your emotions several times, and I just need you to knock 👏🏾 his 👏🏾 ass 👏🏾 out 👏🏾 too 👏🏾.

#pit babe #pit babe the series #the colors mean things #and they will guide me the whole way through #color coded boys in love #episode 10 #Kimberly is home! #And he and Sonic wore blue! #I could cry from happiness #but Alan is crying from sadness #and it feels inappropriate for me to be happy #and I have sympathy compared to these men who are happy to flirt #while their friends SUFFER!

[xxblairexxss]

Flushed

Pairing : Charles Leclerc x reader

Theme : Angst / fluff

Requested!

Your attempt to move on from your ex, Charles went terribly wrong.

Based on Google, the symptoms they mentioned were dizziness, abdominal pain, visual problem, trembling and reduced sense of control so I wrote based on it. I’m sorry if it wasn’t accurate! Thank you for the request, anon! I hope it lives up to your expectation!

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“Excuse me?!”

You jolted awake when your friend came bursting into the room with a bunch of chocolates and chips in her arms. Your hair was looking all disheveled, your eyes were red and puffy.

“What?” You brought the tissue paper to your face to blow on your nose before laying back down, tugging on the quilt to cover back your entire body.

“Y/N! It’s been months! You can’t seriously still crying over this. I mean, I get it, break up is sad but is this all what you gonna be doing?”

“I miss him!” Your voice became a muffle under the quilt and you heard Y/F/N groaned as she pulled the quilt away.

“Then call him. Tell him you miss him.”

“Should I?” You looked at her in surprise. She had always been telling you to move on, to just find someone else so you were expecting her to say the same thing over again. “No, I can’t do that. See, he doesn’t miss me as much as I do. I’m the one suffering here!”

“How do you know the break up doesn’t effect him?” She took a seat in front of you and went through all the chips she had bought with her. Her brows raised in excitement as she picked a salt & vinegar flavoured chips, offering you one when she opened it, to which you took and crunch on it.

“Because he doesn’t look like it? Have you seen his Instagram?” You scooted closer and dipped your hand into the chips packet to get another one.

“He’s a freaking Formula 1 driver. Have you ever seen Lewis Hamilton post a crying picture of him when he go through a break up?” She rolled her eyes, looking very much done with you. “What about the guy you were talking to last week?”

“Oh, I stop replying to him. Got an ick. But! I met this other guy.” You took your phone to click on the picture of the guy you were talking about and showed it to Y/F/N. “What do you think?”

“Let me see.” She took your phone away and stared, more like analysing the picture. “Sketchy. I would say no.”

“Why! He’s cute though.” You took the phone back and scrolled to a different picture. “See?”

“Oh, so now you are all interested with other guys just when I asked you to call your ex? I swear you be doing the exact opposite of what I told you.”

“It’s not like it was serious or anything. I still miss him. None of the guys I talked with could make me feel the same way like he did.” You turned off your phone and laid down by Y/F/N’s side, eyes trailing the details of your room for the hundredth times.

“Why don’t you try and go out with him?” She scowled at you jokingly when you turned to look at her. “Not Charles, idiot. That guy. Who knows a proper date could make you stop thinking about the Ferrari guy. One step at a time?”

“Do you think so?” You sat up and gazed at her in hesitation.

“I would prefer to see my best friend all dress up and going out on a date so I could hear some tea instead of hearing you wail over the same guy for another month.”

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“Too much?”

The date didn’t happen until another week after your conversation with Y/F/N as you weren’t exchanging texts everyday with the guy, Alan, and he didn’t mention anything about a date until the weekend arrived. You were actually contemplating to say yes because you had a hunch of something but you weren’t sure what it was and decided to dismissed it as ‘a feeling everyone gets when they try to move on from their exes’.

“Too much? Are you really asking me that? You look absolutely phenomenal!” Y/F/N walked to the dressing table and picked a few shades of lipsticks. “Try this one. It’s gonna pop your look even more.”

“I feel like I’m betraying Charles for this.” You closed the cap of the lipstick once you put it on and fixed the smudge on your eyeliner with your picky finger.

“Stop talking about Charles! You are on to a new adventure and a new dic–“

“Okay, I’m off!” You immediately stood up after applying perfume on your insides wrists and neck, walked back to the bad to get your handbag along with you.

“I just finished the longest shift in the world! Don’t wake me up and keep the tea hot until I wake up tomorrow, okay? Enjoy your date and go crush that dic–“

“Stop it!” You yelled back and slammed the door.

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“You look beautiful.”

“Hi!” You stopped when you were by the side of the table that he had sat. He looked exactly like how you pictured him. Fancy and well formed would be the words to describe him. He had told you beforehand that he would arrive a little early to the restaurant, asking you if you would mind about it to which you said no because it didn’t feel right to make him wait for you.

He greeted you with a hug and you were slightly taken aback when he ran his fingers through your hair, sniffing it as he pulled away. “You smell nice.”

“Oh, thank you.” You smiled back and took a seat as he pulled your chair out.

“I was actually going to wait but the waiter recommended a drink so I ordered it for you. I hope you don’t mind?”

“No, not at all. Thank you.” You placed your small bag on your lap and took a sip from the drink. It looked like a pinã colada so you were expecting a sweet taste on your tongue but this one had a weird smell and tasted salty. “Wow, it’s really strong!” You cringed as the drink hit your throat, thinking it could be a twist drink menu from the restaurant.

“Is it? Should I order a different one? Excuse–“

“No, no. It’s totally fine.” You waved your hand and he retreated his hand from calling the waiter.

“So, what’s up? Wait,” He shook his head and laughed in disbelief. “That was really bad. You are so beautiful it made me speechless for a while.”

He carried the whole conversations and you knew he would. He was also the one who had been picking new topics for you to talk about through texts. He looked exactly like his pictures, yes, but the way he approached certain topics were somewhat interesting, you would say. You saw the way he talked about women and though it was very subtle, he sounded haughty but you weren’t gonna jump into conclusion as maybe, just maybe, he had a bad day today so some of his emotions were conveyed through his way of thinking.

But it was hard for you to deny the discomfited feelings when he kept on touching your hand whenever you put it on the table and you had to continuously taking a sip from your drink just so it gave you a reason to pull your hand away.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah? I’m– I’m sorry I got distracted. What were you saying?” You shut your eyes as you felt yourself spacing out.

“I was asking if you ever had a pet.”

“Yeah? Yeah! I used to have a dog but he passed away like, last year. I’m sorry but I think– I am not sure– but–” You placed your fingers on your temple area and applied a pressure on it. You realised that you started feeling the room spinning around when you focused on him but everything around him swayed, making you nauseous. Everything he said went from clear words to a mumble to nothing at all. Your ears were ringing so bad they were no longer registering anything he said and you only see the way his mouth moves over and over, as if you had put it on mute.

“Is there anything wrong?”

“Yeah, I don’t– I don’t feel really good.” You winced from the pain on your head and took his hand as he stretched out his arm.

“Do you want me to bring you home?” He stood up and for a split second, you saw a smirk. You realised you had been spacing out, disoriented every second now. You didn’t know why, but you knew something was wrong. It couldn’t be from your food as you never had any food allergy. You felt completely fine before you left the house, exhilarated, even. But the little smirk that he had divulged as he offered you a hand sealed everything together.

You quickly retracted your hand and struggled to push the chair back, feeling suffocated as if it was trapping you. “I– I need to go to the bathroom. Excuse me.” You took your bag with you and tumbled when you tried to walk past him.

“Are you sure? Do you want me to walk you there and wait for you?” He held your waist, even pulled you closer as you felt his breath on your neck.

“No, it’s– it’s okay. I’ll be back. I– yeah.” You pushed him away and saw he trailed his eyes from your neck down to your chest, making you grapple to breath. Stepping aside, you held the wall as you took a few steps, leaning against it as you shut your eyes, trying to shake off the dizziness.

“Ma’am, are you okay?”

“Yeah– yeah, I’m fine.” You gave a little smile and continued walking to the bathroom, nearly toppled over a couple of times. You could feel the eyes on you from the workers and customers and there it was, again, the smirk from Alan as he looked at you from the table, hands in his pocket, looking full of pride.

The bathroom was empty, which was a relief and you scurried inside one of the stall and clumsily tried to lock the door, your hands shaking as it felt as if someone was chasing after you. You were now on the floor, your legs gave away as soon as your felt, not safe, but shielded from whatever it was outside.

You tried to unlock your phone but your blurry eyesight and trembling hands made it hard which caused your phone to lock itself from the repeated wrong passcode inputs. “No, no, no, no. Please.” You pressed everything that appeared on the screen and it was finally ringing to which you quickly placed it to your ear. “Please pick up. Please, please.”

The ringing stopped and you were greeted with a soft breathing sound from the other hand. You took in a shaky breath and wiped your tears with the back of your hand. “H–hello?”

“Y/N?” It was Charles.

“I– I don’t know– I don’t–“ Your words were stuck in your throat and you couldn’t stop sobbing so everything became a mess. None of your words were spoken, every sob you took made you feel more and more breathless.

“Y/N? Hey, hey, hey. Slow down. Where are you?”

“I’m at La Table and– I think– something in my drink– my head hurts.” You mumbled and pulled your phone away where you heard footsteps coming.

“Y/N, hey, Y/N, listen. I’m coming to you, alright. Stay on the phone with me. Can you do that?” You nodded but he was expecting to her your voice. “I need words, Y/N. Say something.”

“Yes…”

“I’m heading to my car. Can you tell me where you are?”

“I’m in the bathroom. Can you please–” You flinched when you heard a knock coming from outside your stall.

“Baby? It’s me.” It was Alan. Then came a woman’s voice after his. “Ma’am, we thought you weren’t feeling well so we brought your boyfriend.” The knocking sound came again.

You were trembling so hard that the phone nearly slipped off your hand. You pushed on your leg to scoot as far as you can from the door. The bathroom was big, bigger than usual but it still made you feel like as if there wasn’t enough room for you.

“Charles– I’m– I’m scared.” You whispered, and flinched when they knocked on your stall again. “They– he is outside.”

“I’m 5 minutes away, Y/N. I promise. Fuck!” He slammed his hand on the steering wheel when the traffic light turned red before he could pass.

You turned you head to the door when you heard the clicking sound as the door came unlocking, the handle being pushed down from the outside. “Ma’am, we are unlocking the door for you.” The worker had an extra keys and they had permission from Alan, which they assumed was your boyfriend and guardian to unlock the door and you scurried deeper against the wall. Your phone had now fallen on the floor and long forgotten.

“Baby,” Alan crouched down on his knees and brushed the strands of your hair away, one finger trailing down to your neck and you shook your head in urgency, shutting your eyes and you trembled in fear.

“No, no. I– please, no.”

“What do you mean? I’m your boyfriend. I’m taking you home.” He pulled you by you wrist so your hand were no longer covering your face but you kept your eyes shut, too scared to look at him in the face.

“Look at me, baby.” He gripped on your chin roughly, jerking you which made you opened your eyes in fear. You saw he was looking back, checking if the worker was still there before bringing his face to your ear. “Behave, or I’m gonna make it worse for you.” You felt his tongue under your ear and it caused you to shiver with feart.

“I– go home– I wanna go home.” You saw he pulled a face, nodding as if he was mocking you.

“I can’t wait to go home too, baby.” He bobbed your head, his grip on your face still stayed.

“Move.”

“What?” You heard he said and as you shut your eyes, refusing to look at him in the eyes any longer. You were no longer felt any force on your cheeks but you could still feel his presence near you, in front of you.

“I said move, bastard!” Charles pulled his back by clenching roughly on the back of his collar, pulling his out of the stall, away from you.

“The fuck is wrong with you?!”

He ignored the man and immediately went in front of you. You had your face hidden against your knees. “Y/N,” He timidly tried to hold your trembling body, hands went to grip on your shoulders. His touch was different though you weren’t aware of your surrounding. The significant difference between the touches made stop quivering a little. “Y/N, princess, it’s me.”

“Please– please don’t leave me.” You unable to form any words, slowly lifting your head to seek comfort from whoever in front of you when you found yourself in someone’s embrace as Charles pulled you into a hug, the familiar comfort inundated your heart when his arms tightly wrapped around your shaky frame.

“I’m not, I’m not. I’m right here, Y/N. I won’t leave you.” You didn’t see it but when he stroked his hand on your back, it was shaky. It felt like he had been holding his breath ever since he received your call and now only could he finally filled his lung with air. He didn’t know and hadn’t properly check if you were hurt but you were in his arms, no longer a phone call away where he could only imagine the worst.

“I am so sleepy– I can’t– everything hurts.”

His hand went to stroke your hair as he shushed you, realising that you still couldn’t speak properly. “It’s okay, princess. It’s okay.“

“Who the fuck are you? Let me handle her.”

“Lay your hand on her and I’ll fucking break it. ” Charles pushed the guy away, sending him tumbling back. “Can you stand up? Y/N, hey, look at me. I need you to stand up. Can you do that for me?”

Charles patted you on your cheeks when he saw you were spacing out, your eyes getting droopy. “Fuck it.” He went from crouching to kneeling down as he wrapped his arms around your back and your knees, standing up and your head was leaning against his neck.

“Head hurts. My– stomach.” Your words became a mumble against his skin as you were falling asleep and he leaned his cheek against your forehead, trying to reassure you.

“I know, Y/N. I know.” He took your phone and bag, hanging it on his arm before trying to walk out from the bathroom.

“Y/N–“

“Go fuck yourself.” Charles pushed the guy by his elbow, causing him to crash against the sink. “I’m not done with you yet.”

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When you woke up, you were in an oversized shirt, Charles’s shirt. Your skin didn’t feel moist from all those skincare and makeup products and you had a gel-cooling pad on your forehead. Your head was still throbbing but it was better than what you felt last night.

“Y/N?” Your turned your body to the back, facing the door of the bedroom and saw Charles walked in. “No, no. Just lay down.” He straighten his arms to halt you from sitting up and he crouched down by your side of the bed so he could meet your eyes. He the. caressed the side of your face, letting his hand so stay cupping on your cheek as he gently stroked the temple of your head. “You scared me a lot. Does your head still hurt?” The warmth of his hand, the comfort of his gaze, the reassuring smile could pull you back to sleep. Long gone all the insecurity and perilous feelings from yesterday. You felt sheltered and secured just from his touch. The touch that you had been yearning.

“No, not anymore.” You smiled at him back taking his hand in yours and brushed your lips on the palm. “What’s wrong with your hand?” You frowned and trailed the cuts on his knuckles, stopping when you see him grimaced.

“I got into a fight. It’s nothing, princess.” You haven’t heard the nickname for the longest time ever but it still gave you butterfly.

“A fight? With who?”

“No one. It’s not important.”

“Can you lay down with me?” You saw he blinked, looking at you as if he was asking you to repeat the words.

“Is it– is it okay? I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Please?” Charles gqve in when he saw your look, almost pleading and stood up to get on the bed. You scooted closer, your head finding its way to its home, against his chest as you felt his fingers playing with your hair.

“Why did you do it?” Charles asked, breaking the silence in the room.

“Do what?”

“The date. Why did you go on a date?”

“I–“ You drew in a breath. “I was trying to move on from you.”

“Why?” His hand is now on your back and you felt your shirt tugged a little as if he was trying to snake his hand under it but held himself and went back to stroke your back, hand against your shirt.

“Because I miss you.” You fixed your head on his chest, your legs are all tangled up with his.

He didn’t say anything else and you felt like you were chagrined, feeling rejected, even slightly ashamed for being too blunt with your feelings. You knew you shouldn’t have said that. He probably had been talking to someone else by now.

“I miss you too.”

“Hm?” You tilted your head when you heard his voice cut all the thoughts in your head.

“I actually miss you a lot, princess.” He looked down and beamed when he met your eyes on him.

“But you don’t look like it.” You muttered, making him chuckle.

“What do you mean?”

“Your Instagram, it doesn’t look our break up effect you.” He chuckled even more and leaned his head against your hair. Your voice was so full of diffidence he found it adorable.

“My Instagram doesn’t speak for my feelings, silly. I miss you, a lot. I always wanted to call you but I couldn’t, scared if you would find it annoying. When I got a call from you last night, I thought you were gonna said something, anything about us but I heard you whimpered and my blood ran cold. God knows how many speeding and disobey sign traffic tickets I have gotten by now.”

You giggled and turned yourself facing him, your hands fondled with his chin, feeling the stubble poked against your skin. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even know I was calling you. I didn’t want to call you, actually because I wasn’t sure if you would come because, you know, we broke up.”

“We broke up but you are still important to me, Y/N. You always will. I would even take the damn flight if you called me from a different country. Just– don’t call me when you are on a date. No, no more date for you.”

“Why? How am I able to move on if I can’t go on a date, Charles. I can’t keep on crying over you.” You shook your head, looking dejected. You needed to move on. That was what Y/F/N had been telling you. You couldn’t keep on hoping for something that you, yourself didn’t even know if it was worth the wait.

“You don’t have to move on. I’ll be taking you out on your next date. And your next next date. And your upcoming date. All of your dates, basically.”

You sat up almost instantly, hand was still on his chest and you blinked. “What? What do you mean? Are you doing this just because you felt bad for what happened to me last night because if that was the reason, then it’s totally fine. I–“

You felt his lips on yours. It was the kind of kiss that was enough to speak for all of the unspoken words to which he didn’t even have to say anything else. The kind of kiss that erased all your insecurities, all unanswered questions you had been keeping in your head. He pulled away and leaned his forehead against yours. “It means I still love you, princess.” His lips is back on yours as he pulled away, again. “A lot.” Lips were back to mould against yours. “And I don’t want to see you go out on a date with someone else. No more silly date, okay?”

✧.* tags! @i83andrew @cltrlne @karmabyfernando @ohthemisssery @ru-kru @tastebaldwin @f1obessed @aundercover @love4lando

let me know if you would like to be removed or added to my tag list! or if I missed anyone!

Wanted to also point these out. The other symptoms mentioned were difficulty to speak and slurring words, hence why none of the words she said made any sense. Feeling confused, where the reader asked Alan to bring her home and memory loss, where she didn’t ask about what happened last night since she couldn’t remember large sections of it. Hope it makes sense! 🫶🏻

#charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #f1 imagines #charles leclerc #charles leclerc imagines #f1 imagine #f1 x reader

[carolmunson]

love language six

love language set list another sunday another sun-slay -- ft. dad!eddie and flashback child!eddie love language blurbies are back in action -- again, these are just vingettes into a relationship with eddie no chronological timeline, no story -- just mini moments. this is longer than my other love language blurbs. reader discretion is advised: eighteen plus content. this blurb explores the concept of eddie being a child of abuse that sides with the abuser for his own safety and struggles with that as an adult. some content in this work may be uncomfortable to read, and if dv or abuse is triggering for you, i would not recommend reading it -- this work features rough language, references to abuse, abusive language, descriptions of abuse, and attempted domestic violence. the ending is not sad, i promise.

1971, Forest Hills Trailer Park sherri munson squats down in a shift dress with flowers that match the ones growing in the patch outside of the kiddie park. her sandals crease. the skin by her eyes has too. up all the time, just waiting. waiting for her boy to cry. waiting for her husband to come home. waiting for the cops to show up. she was gonna be a dancer one day. now she stays up and waits. now she just fights with her son about when it’s time to leave the park.

'well i don't have to listen to you anyway!' he whines, ripping his hand away from her with all his five year old body could muster. 'yes you do, eddie honey, i'm your mom,' she tries to laugh it off, but it comes out half-hearted. the other mothers at the park look at her, their eyes burn as hard as her husband hits.

'no you're not!' he yells, stomping while she takes his hand again. 'eddie, yes i am, i'm your mother, let's go,' she urges. he rips his hand away again and raises it the way her husband does when he's warning her.

'you're -- you're what daddy says you are, mommy,' he yells, tearing up in anger, not sure where to put it. she tries to reach for him but he brings his hand down to strike, only cutting through the air.

'baby, we just have to go home from the park, we can come back tomorrow,' she pleads.

'daddy's right, what he said to you this mornin’ -- you’re – you're a fuckin' idiot.' he sounds like like him, just smaller. she knows he doesn't know what he's saying, what that means. but it hurts the same way it hurt at breakfast when she spilled some coffee on the counter. maybe worse. she can't find it in herself to yell at him.

 'that was a very mean thing to say to mommy, ed,' she mutters, the balloon in her chest swelling and swelling, 'say you're sorry.'

'why should i? daddy never has to say sorry,' he shouts while she catches him by the hand again. the other mom's sizzling stares soften, perfectly plucked brows raising. she can almost hear their necks turn to give each other knowing glances.

 'that's just how your daddy is, ed,' she sighs, watching him pout at her with big glassy brown eyes, 'let's go home, baby. i'll make you some chocolate milk with your lunch.' 

that perks him up and he smiles, hand clasping in hers while the others watch them leave like a bad car wreck. she tries not to hear them whisper, she tries not to hear their words travel through the wind and blow through her hair, through her chest. it's not anything she hasn't heard before.

she’s doing dishes when ed's daddy and wayne come home from lake doing some fishing. wayne moved in next door after the first time alan put her in the hospital. eddie was too young to remember that part, old enough to remember that mrs. marsden let him have so many popsicles when he stayed with her that his tongue was blue for two days. 

she focuses on the rush of the water and the ‘scratch, scratch, scratch’ of the sponge on a pan that never feels clean. she swallows while her husband's keys jingle in the door. her eyes watch the suds slide off the pan in a cloud, scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing  -- maybe if she just stares down at the sink she’ll go right down the drain. then she won’t have to –

 "hi honey," she says down to the counter next to the sink. eddie sits at the kitchenette table, nursing his glass of chocolate milk.“hi daddy,” he says quietly, big brown eyes follow his father’s every move – half scared, half enamored. big man. big angry man. never hits him, just hits mommy. so he must be good if that’s what happens. he must be so good.  

"hm," he grunts, door slamming behind him. it doesn’t take long when he’s in one of his moods. he stalks down past the living room and into the bedroom to change out of his sticky clothes – summer heat making him slide like a snake back out to the kitchen. “house is a fuckin’ mess sherri,” he says. big man. big angry man. boa constrictor tight on her throat while she swallows. why can’t the drain just swallow her the same way? 

scratch, scratch, scratch. scrub, scrub, scrub. 

“you hear me sher? i said the house is a fuckin’ mess,” he bellows from the side of her. eddie covers his ears. big man, big angry man. big voice stained with fifteen years of cigarette smoke.

“yeah, i heard you al,” she says to the suds as they float down the drain. her heart aches. balloon in her chest pops. 

“oh, you’re bein’ smart with me?” he asks, big angry hand reaching out to clutch her by the back of the neck. pulled out of the drain and into the wall, “you bein’ smart?” 

she braces as her side hits the wall, she can smell the beer on him like white on rice. she wants to scream at wayne for letting him come into the trailer this drunk.  “m’not being smart with you al,” she grits out. “yeah you ain’t smart, are you?” he taunts, hovering over her. big shoulders, big arms, big everything – big man. big strong man, “you know what you are?” she shakes her head no, eyes shutting tight – she can just float down the drain. “y’already forgot huh? damn sherri – you fuckin’ stupid? i told ya this morning,” he barks a laugh that sends heat down the back of her throat, her nose warms, the threat of tears warns her the way he does – always just on the line. “you’re a fuckin’ idiot,” he bites, “you lazy fuckin’ bitch.” “you gotta stop sayin’ that shit in front of ed, alan,” she says quietly, hair sticking to her face and neck. sweat and sticky. can’t keep fighting anymore kind of hot. 

“oh how come?” he asks with fake concern, “he believin’ it? he cert’n’ly should.” he turns to eddie, with a flash in his eyes, “you think your mama’s a fuckin’ idiot, boy?” big strong man. big angry man. big boa constrictor with big snakey eyes. kaa’s hypnosis. “i asked you a question,” he seethes, his body close to turning completely. eddie sees the gold ring glint on his fist. “yessir,” he nods quickly, “y-yeah…that’s what mommy is.” “look how scared you got him, al!” she yells from the drain in her chest, “look how scared he is! look what you’re doin’ to him!” but he didn’t ask her to speak. eddie covers his ears again but it doesn’t block out the first three cracks of his daddy’s palm across her face. doesn’t block out the crunch of his knuckles on her cheek. he shuts his eyes like is mama always tells him, runs to the cupboard under the sink to hide. crack, crack, crunch. wail, crack, crunch, cry. cry, cry, yell, crack, yell, crack, crunch, cry, yell. eddie watches through the space in the doors like a movie he’s too young to watch. rated r. rated never. warm yellowed wallpaper and orangey wood staring back at him, his daddy’s fishing boots stomping into frame. a small smatter of blood on the scuffed linoleum tile. rated r, rated never. yell, yell, yell, choke, spit, cough, cough, yell. yell, yell, cry, yelp, cough, whimper, yell, cough. wayne’s voice cuts in the pattern. “i told ya alan, i’d shoot ya the next time i had to come in here.” whoop, whoop. the flashing lights eddie sees every few weeks glitter on the back wall of the kitchen where he can see through the space. glittering while the sun shines. he likes that. “nah, nah, you ain’t gonna run from ‘em this time al,” wayne says. eddie can’t see the scuffle. “she ain’t even fuckin’ concious.” she was gonna be a dancer one day. eddie stays in the cupboard. just for a little, even after his daddy takes a night in the clink. even after wayne says it’s okay to come out. even while his chocolate milk stands on the table untouched. he stays for a minute, while the world around him rumbles.

1997, Forest Hills Trailer Park

and the world sure does rumble sometimes. hazy afternoon had been smooth sailing for the most part -- pick bud up from summer rec camp, grocery run. chasing bud through the aisles while his laugh plays marco polo with yours. it's good to buy your five year old some chocolate when he behaves. it's good to watch him run around again when you get back home, hustling in the backyard in your new trailer with two bedrooms. letting him run through some sprinkler toy you saw at dollar tree a couple weeks ago before the weather got hot. covered in mud, soon enough, covered in clouds. you’re thankful he’s inside before the rain starts. down pour – the sky heavy with thick air and angry beatings to your tin roof. you slip off his shoes before he tracks mud in the house, you rinse off his hands before you get him changed into something more cozy that’ll make bedtime go a little easier. you start dinner after fixing him a snack and he muses about four square and kickball – you silently laugh when he tells you he got picked first for the teams. money’s tighter now. tighter than it was a couple years ago. a little too tight when you switched to part time to pick up bud from kindergarten and camp since wayne’s working day shifts now. wayne’s too old to be watching bud now anyway, bud’s all over the place. the tighter the money, the bigger the fights. but you both knew how to fight. masters of the ring, big booming cracks of lighting for tongues. always in bed dressed in pajamas and apologies. maybe less so now. maybe less apologies, less pajamas. speaking in bodies and sweat – soft rumbling i’m sorry, lemme show you. you don’t think either of you mean it like you used to. he can afford a nicer trailer for his son, but sometimes he doesn't know if he can afford to show him how to treat a woman. you swear it's progress, but he only hears the whir of the tape being rewound over and over again. every clipped word, every raise of his voice, every tense roll of his shoulders. boy turned big man. big big man.

you start the oven, slicing and dicing while he comes in the door – coveralls all covered in rain and motor oil. big boots on the linoleum, faint smell of beer on his breath. just one with the guys after the shop closed – that’s what he says anyway.

“hi honey,” you say, chop-chop-chopping at the green onion on the cutting board, “rain’s rough out there?”

“hm,” he replies, kicking his boots off next to bud’s sneakers. he sighs out of his nose, “s’mud all over the place here.”

“i know, i’m sorry, i forgot about it – i’ll get to it after dinner,” you say, hearing him make big steps over to his son, running a hand over his hair. just wanna avoid another back and forth – let him sleep off all that frustration – ease out the elastic in his shoulders that’s waiting to snap.

“you know,” he grumbles lowly, coming over to look at the mail on the counter next to you, “you’ve been gettin’ real forgetful lately.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” you ask with a smile that can’t believe he’d say that. you put the knife down.

“why’d i get a call from the city today saying the water bill’s past due?” he asks, a darkness creeping into his voice that’s been turning his tongue to sludge, to whipping winds, cruel and unforgiving, “you tryna make me look bad? want people to think i can't pay the fuckin' bills?”

“i – shit i forgot to drop it off yesterday, i’m sorry hun,” you soothe, “i’ll bring it tomorrow, i wasn’t trying to make you look bad.”

“you can’t just forget this shit,” he says, voice rising, “we got –”

“mommy, can i have some more juice?” bud’s little voice leaks into the conversation like a dove floating by.

“yes, baby,” you say, getting the juice out of the fridge to refill his cup at the table.

“we got a kid at home,” ed repeats, "can't just have the water shuttin' off. what's wrong with you? take some responsibility."

“i understand that ed,” you reply, defensive edge sliding up in your voice like a razor, “i’m the one whose with him all day.”

he scoffs, grumbling, “yeah, you pick him up from camp – mother of the fuckin’ year. can’t even pay the bills on time with all my fuckin’ money.”

“watch your mouth,” your voice stern while you close up the juice. thunder rumbles overhead, the rain coming down in droves. two cracks of lightning who can’t let up.

“you don’t tell me what to do,” he glowers, “you don’t ever tell me what to do. i’m the man of this house, you hear me?”

“man of the house? you hear how you sound?” you ask, leaning forward on the table, “why don’t you go back to the garage and figure this attitude out, ed?”

“don’t run your mouth to me,” he growls, “don’t get fuckin’ smart with me.” 

“watch. your. mouth.” you warn again. bud flinches when the thunder rumbles, he hates storms like this. drinks his juice anyway. “oh, so you are gettin’ smart with me?” eddie grimaces, bearing his teeth, nostrils flaring. he vibrates with the thunder outside. "well let me tell you something then, huh?!" he grits out, rounding the table with an outstretched hand to grab you, wrapping like a vine on your wrist. like a snake. you flinch when you see how fast he moves, when he reaches for you -- cracking like lightening, like a whip, cracking like your marriage this year. "wait, wait, i'm sorry!" your voice sounds breathy, worn down -- terrified. it doesn't sound like you at all. “god, you’re such a fuckin’ id–” your son drops his fork on the ground, clattering eddie back to clarity. your son's eyes match your husband's, they meet each other. your son just stares -- frozen on the spot. you stare too. you look at his hand around your wrist, the flex in his forearm, veins lifted and pulsing. big man. big strong man. big strong angry man. just like his daddy. the wind howls outside, huffs of breath out of your noses fill the room quietly.

"daddy?" 

eddie straightens, looking at his hand tight on your wrist before letting it drop to his side. he swallows. looking at the both of you like he was mid crime scene. eddie blinks. looks at his son at the kitchen chair and then the cupboard under the kitchen sink. "i..." he starts, choking on the words, "i'm gonna go for a drive."

he stands for a second while you nod at him, eyes brimming with tears you aren’t sure will fall. rooted to your spot, you hold your breath when he leans in, hands reaching out much more gentle than before. he fills the space between you, still smelling like motor oil, rain, and musk. both of his calloused hands on your cheeks now – he kisses you. 

"m’sorry,” he says, loud enough for your son to hear. he lets go only to turn around and take his son’s face in his hands and give him a kiss too. 

“sorry, buddy,” he says softly, “daddy’ll be back before bedtime, okay?”

in five years, eddie has never missed one night of reading him a bedtime story.   “okay,” your son smiles, earning himself another kiss on the top of his head and a ruffle of his hair before eddie grab his keys. the jingle of them rings in your chest while you watch him leave. your eyes linger on the storm door even while you listen to the car start, even while you hear it drive away. the rain doesn’t let up. you put dinner in a tupperware for him later. — you’re in the bathroom after a shower when he comes home, the door partially open in case bud needs you – cozied up in bed playing with dinosaurs in his room. you listen while eddie makes his way in to see him, padding down the hall in wet feet to not get caught. “hi buddy,” he says with a voice that had done nothing but cry, “how was dinner?” “was yummy,” your son says. you know bud’s looking up at him with glowing admiration. his daddy. he was his daddy’s boy. the bed creaks when eddie sits down. “i’m glad, kiddo,” he says, “i wanted to say sorry for how mean i was earlier. i was being really mean and that wasn’t nice.” “you were really mean to mommy,” buddy mumbles, “you made her cry.” you hear ed’s voice crack, “i know bud, i know i made mommy cry, and that’s not okay.” “and i’m not gonna yell at mommy anymore, and i’m sorry.” “mommy’s the best,” bud says, “but it’s okay to be angry sometimes, that’s what they say at camp. just count to three!” “daddy’s angry is a little different, bud,” he tries to explain, a little laugh coming through, “but i’ll try it next time, i’ll count to three.” “and take deep breaths,” bud explains. “and i’ll take deep breaths,” eddie says through sniffles, you can hear the soft smile in his voice. “and bud, i think we should make a big promise to each other, would that be okay?” he asks your son. big shiny baby brown eyes. eyes that get kissed by the moon. “mhm.” “let’s promise that we won’t ever yell at mommy, or call her any names, because that’s not nice,” eddie says softly, “that was really mean of daddy and mommy doesn’t deserve that. and i don’t want you to think that’s okay.” “okay, i promise,” bud’s voice leaks like a dove through the door. you hear a kiss pressed to his forehead while eddie stands up to grab the beat up copy of the hobbit next to bud’s bed. you’re in your pajamas in the bedroom by the time ed’s done putting your son to bed. he somes in quietly, looking you over post shower – beautiful bride, beautiful wife, so pretty like this. so pretty for him – big man. big strong man. big sorry man. “i owe you an apology,” he says softly. “yeah,” you say, cold cream soothing your hot skin like ice while you slather it on. eyes avoid him. 

“m’so sorry, baby,” his face cracks like all the plates his daddy shattered, that you’ve shattered too, “that’s…that’s not me – i’d never – i never thought i’d–” "i know you wouldn't," you say quietly, knowingly. your eyes travel – how many slats are in the wood paneling of this room? "cause if you did --" you finally find it in you to look at him. "if you did, if you ever raised a hand to me or bud  –”   “i would never,” he urges, “i’d never–” “if you did,” you repeat, eye piercing him, “i would get in that car with your son and you would never see us again, do you understand me?” he nods, face blanching, tinged green at the thought. he could’ve lost you both. he could still lose you both. “bless her soul ed, but i’m not your momma,” you remind him, “m’not gonna stick around for a man who thinks i’m a punching bag.” he nods again, quiet, tongue thick when he talks. “i’m so sorry, baby i’ll – i’m gonna do better,” he sounds like he means it, “i’ve just..things are so hard right now. i’m trying.” “try a little harder,” you say softly. “i will,” he says, wiping his eyes while they brim with tears as wet at outside. “i love you,” you start, “but i think you should go stay at wayne’s tonight.” his lower lip quivers, “o-okay. i – um – i love you, t-too.” he packs some clothes for the night and tomorrow even though wayne’s just three trailers down. his heart sinks when he realizes he’ll have to explain. just like his daddy. big strong man. snake eyes. snake eyes gone soft. big sorry man. big sorry eyes. kissed by the moon. kissed by you. “i’ll see you at breakfast tomorrow, okay?” you say gently after his full warm lips break from yours, “just think you need some time alone tonight.” he nods against you, eyes closed. lips brush again. he leaves and you listen to the storm door close with a rattle. the world rumbles. so does he. but he’s gonna be better. 

#love language em #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fluff #dad!eddie #dad!eddie munson #stranger things fan fiction #stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie x reader

[secret-smut-sideblog]

I Should Hate You

Ascended Astarion x F! Tav

18+ confrontation, implied trauma/abuse, talks of death, ANGST, blood drinking, fighting (verbal), astarion being rough (physical), threats of violence against self, crying, tenderness, exes getting back together, dubcon, implied lack of control during sex, oral (f!), forced orgasm (kinda), disassociation

Tired of living in constant vigilance and fear, Tav has to confront the Vampire Lord. Even if it means her end. What she doesn't expect is the Ascendant doesn't want her dead at all...

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

-

"This is a bad idea, Tav."

"I know."

"Then don't go."

Shadowheart's wide green eyes stared deep into her. Hands cupped around her face.

"I cant-" Tav sighed, closing her eyes. "I can't live in fear anymore. Of him. Of what he might do when he finds me."

"We can leave the Sword Coast, we can go. Forever."

"That's not the point. And I wouldn't ask that of you."

"You could." Shadowheart's voice caught, planting soft kisses on her mouth. "You could ask me for anything."

"I know." Tav smiled warmly, leaning into her. Pressing their foreheads together. "I'm sorry."

They both knew what this meant. A life would be taken. Either her's, his, or both. She couldn't see an outcome without death either way. That made her heart ache but she couldn't go on this way.

Always in the shadows, skirting around the edge of society. How ironic, that she had refused his blood, his vampirism, but still lived like one. Even months on, walking with a hood on. Shrouded. Eyes down. Never looking at faces too long.

Who knew there was so much shame in freedom?

No it had to be this way. The last thread he had tied to her wrist must be severed.

She was not afraid to die. She hadn't been afraid for a long time. It wouldn't do any good to start now.

The streets looked as angelic in the soft lamplight as she had remembered. Cobblestones and passersby's. Hushed chatter from corners where couples stood. Rich as an oil painting.

Standing in shadow she took long deep breaths. Committing this view, this feeling to memory. Peace. The perfect intimacy of night.

Took a long steadying breath out.

Okay.

She lifted the hood off of her head, walking out into the soft light. Stood in it for one reverent moment. Knew it wouldn't take long. He had eyes everywhere.

She made a pointed look out, at the faces of men and animals alike. Come get me.

Walked on sure feet into the Elfsong.

"What can I do you fo-"

"Wait. It's you! Our hero! Welcome back, love!"

She smiled sheepishly. Reaching for her coinpurse.

"Ah, come on. I'm just a patron for tonight. One room, please."

"Come off it! No charge for you. I wish I could rent you your old lodgings but we've got a great room for you otherwise. Top floor!"

She smiled. Hopefully, they wouldn't have too much blood to clean up. "That sounds perfect, thank you Alan."

They chatted amicably as he led her up. Handing her the keys with a friendly clasp over her hands.

"If you need anything, anything at all. Truly don't hesitate."

The door closed solidly behind her, she kicked off her shoes. Lighting an oil lamp. Hanging her cloak.

Knew he was waiting, could feel it on the air.

If she was going to die she could at least be comfortable. Slipping into a long silk night shirt.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Okay.

She opened the window, the night air sweet and promising. Billowing the curtains gently. Turned to the vanity and sat down. Eyes closed.

The presence behind her was unmistakable.

Fingers caressing along her collarbone. Picking up the cut ends of her hair.

She shivered, eyes still closed.

"You know, you still feel like him." She hushed, wonder and sadness melded in her voice. "That's the cruelest part. If I could just pretend..."

She opened her eyes, his torso reflected in the mirror. "But I can see you."

"You always could, darling."

She laughed solemnly. "I think I was always pretending, wasn't I? Pretending that you loved me."

"Look at me, Tav."

"Why?" She asked, genuine confusion in her voice. "What good would that do? We both know why you're here." Her eyes steady on his body reflected behind her.

Felt him move before his reflection caught up with him.

Fingers rough on her chin, pulling her face up.

"Look at me."

Her eyes snapped up to his, full of contempt.

He looked... bad. Still perfectly manicured, of course, but with dark purple circles marred under his eyes. Skin pallid. Twitchy. An air of something barely controlled.

"You really did kill everyone, didn't you?" She hushed, jaw clenching under his hold.

He stared down at her, eyes scanning. Dark around his shrunken pupils, that deep red when he hadn't fed in a while.

"Where have you been?"

She stood, his fingers still on her chin. Reached up and held onto his forearm. Not pulling away but not leaning in.

"Away."

He laughed coldly. "Away. Right."

"Why are you here, Lord Ancunin?"

His eyes cut deadly to hers then. Stepping closer.

She stood her ground, feet spread.

Their eyes level with each other.

"I'm here to take back what is mine."

"You still think I'm your spawn, don't you? Didn't you have enough courtesan's to fuck and bleed? Or did you kill them too?"

His hand snapped down around her throat. Breathing hard through his nose.

She stared back, unflinching.

"I'm not afraid of you." She whispered. Aware those words could be her last.

His eyes flared, the muscle in his jaw popping.

His hand flashed forward and ripped the hidden dagger tied to her thigh away. Throwing it across the room.

"I want you back." His voice low, dangerous. Strained.

"I tried to replace you." He lifted her onto the vanity. The bottles crashing to the floor. "None of them. None of them were enough."

She stared up at him, trying to hide the shock in her face. Why was he saying this?

"Tav," He moaned, leaning into her neck. Fingers twisting her hair. Pushing between her legs.

Her body betrayed her then. It felt like him. Smelled like him. Her eyes falling closed.

"Oh Gods, Tav." He groaned, gripping her waist. Licking a hot line up her neck.

"It's not you." She said quietly to herself. Trying to break the spell. "You're not my love."

"Please, Tav." He moaned, hiking her nightgown up over her thigh. "Please, I'm so hungry." The bare need in his voice making her belly flip.

"Why? Why are you doing this?" Her eyes prickled with angry tears. Gripping him tighter to her.

"I want you. I need you." His mouth pushed against her throat. "Please don't make me beg."

She was lost. Why was he asking for permission? Why was he asking at all?

This was not what she had envisioned. She had planned for everything but this.

And still, his hands, shaking and needful, pulled at her. How could this stranger pantomime him so well?

Before the words even left her mouth she knew it was a mistake.

"Starlight?"

He pressed his head into her, moaning low. Biting down desperately.

Fuck.

She gripped his arm, gasping. The familiar ice piercing her neck. The stark realization that she was now the meal of a starving animal. He was going to bleed her to her last drop.

Her mind raced as the gentle euphoria tried to take her. Something she used to treasure now lulling her into a false safety. She had fallen into a bear trap, neck first.

He was going to bleed her dry and change her. Make her his property, his puppet. She had to think fast.

She clenched her hand into a fist and arced it back as hard as she could, the mirror shattering against her back.

He was slow, lost in her throat. Only reacting when she held a shard of glass between them. Pressed to the other side of her neck.

"Release." She warned.

He paused, still latched on. Eyes moving fast between her hand, clamped down around the shard, blood dripping onto her nightgown. Her neck. Her eyes. Calculating.

"You know I'll do it. Release." She pressed the shard hard into her skin. The bite of the glass against her jugular.

He unlatched with a growl, lifting her off of the vanity and throwing her on the bed with inhuman strength. Catching her wrist tightly and throwing the shard hard against the wall. Shattering into a thousand tiny pieces.

"There he is." She hissed. "The Lord Ancunin."

"You are coming back with me."

"You may take my body. You can hurt me, fuck me till I bleed, I don't care. You've done worse. But you will not have me." She laughed coldly. "My heart died with you years ago. But my will is mine."

She sat up on knees, eyes level with his again. Filled with fury. That same fury before she fell.

"You have killed me a thousand times, in little cuts you bled me. Of my hope. My love. It is spilled everywhere in that castle."

Her voice rising. "I have loved you through every tortuous night. Praying and PLEADING to every god that you could love me back. You were my everything. And you tricked me. Tricked me into thinking you could hold me above anything more than a fucking plaything! How dare you come to me and ask for more!"

Tears streaming angry down her face, holding her already bruising wrists up in a mock tie.

"Go on! Take! Take more from me! That's all you have for me, right?! That's our future! Take until I am NOTHING Astarion!"

Their joined breath was heavy in the tense silence as her words cracked through the air.

He stared at her, huffing hard. His chest rising and falling.

"If you force me, I will kill us both and burn that castle to ashes. I swear it." Closing her eyes, the old pain rocking through her again. Her wrists phantom stinging. "Don't make me do this, Astarion. I dont want to hurt you. Please dont make me."

Gripping at his arms, the grief poured out of her in a flood. Her face turning away from his in shame. "Why? Why couldn't it be different with me? You told me you loved me. I could have hated you. It would have been so much kinder to let me hate you. Why did you tell me you loved me?"

Her eyes opened and stared at him through thick water. Demanding an answer. "Did I not do enough? Did I not love you enough? What did I do to deserve this?"

He stared at her, bloody tears leaking from his eyes. Face cold as marble.

His warm hand cupped her cheek. Thumb wiping gingerly at the stream of grief.

"What have I done to you, my sweet?"

She flinched away from his touch on instinct.

His other hand came to cup her face.

"Please don't do that." He whispered, a vein of agony in his voice.

She could not trust this touch. Yet she yearned so desperately to be held by him again.

"Why are you being kind to me?" She laced her fingers through his, still pressed to her cheek.

"Because I-," He started, a hollow pain in his voice. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head, eyes squeezing shut painfully. "No. Don't do that."

"I'm sorry, my love."

She choked back a sob. "Stop."

"I'm so sorry."

She kissed him to silence him. Gasping against his frightfully warm mouth. This wasn't him. She chanted in her mind. This wasn't him.

He threaded his hand through her hair, those familiar lips sliding against hers.

Why did he taste the same, feel the same? Those curls still soft against her seeking hands.

A new stream of tears flowing from her closed eyes. How cruel, for him to be as he was.

"Please, I want to pretend again." She urged, pulling at his doublet, the buttons giving in to her need. "Be sweet to me just one more time, Starlight."

He moaned out a mournful cry into her mouth. Hands pulling her nightgown over her head. "I will do anything for you, my treasure." Laying her back against the sheets. "Please let me show you."

She felt traitorous shivers go up her spine. He was still too beautiful. The silks and pressed linens of his doublet open, revealing the pale plane of his chest. Eyes so strikingly red, lashes long. Irises coursing with her ruby blood. Lips full and pouted. That soft pleading in his eyes.

"Yes, Star." Blinking away tears. "Let me believe you love me." She hushed, her lip trembling.

He kissed down her neck, hands drinking her in. Leaning his pelvis into her spread legs. The hard of his clothed length rubbing against her center.

She was lost in him again, eyes closing. Tight with tears. It had been so long.

His touch intoxicating, pulling the silk of need from her. Tongue crushed velvet against her writhing torso.

"Yes," She urged, head thrown back.

He ran his hot tongue down the sensitive skin inside her thigh, lidded eyes meeting hers. Snapping his doublet open with quick fingers and pulling it fluidly over his head.

"I need you." She whispered. It was never fair, what he did to her.

His eyes suddenly burned out red from the pupil, glowing hot crimson. Mouth falling open, fangs elongating. A rattling in the back of his chest. She realized he had stopped breathing entirely.

A strike of fear pulsed with her arousal. No, this wasn't him. This wasn't a man at all.

"Astarion," She called softly, trying to bring him back.

But he was gone.

His burning eyes darted down to her cunt. Fingernails lengthening into sharp points.

At inhuman speed he dove onto her. Laving hard stripes up and down her center.

She cried out, gripping the sheets. "Fuck," She yelped, already seeing stars.

The onslaught was vicious, his tongue pulsing fast and greedy. Face fully buried in her. Nose pushing up into her clit as he crushed his tongue into her.

Her hips continued to rise in an effort to get away and he only followed, head pushing higher.

"Oh my Gods," She nearly shrieked, the pleasure so intense her body tried to twist away.

He grabbed around her hips and stood on his knees, his ascended strength lifting her entire pelvis up with ease. Her legs falling forward over her chest. Only her shoulder blades still on the bed.

In this new position, he steered her back into his mouth. Burning red eyes glazed over, sharp nails digging into her ass hard enough to break skin. Ten drops of blood dripping down her back.

She clenched her legs together, whimpering loudly. Needing it to stop but her traitor body hungry for more.

He zeroed in on her clit, eyes focusing on her again. Two glowing points in the dim light. That rattling in his chest scaring her and striking a flint of heat through her core.

He clamped down and sucked hard, tongue pulling fast pulses against her engorged clit.

She writhed helplessly, moaning out prey cries. A rabbit caught.

"Please, please, I cant take it-" She whimpered loudly, her limbs tingling hot in warning. The ache in her pelvis nearly breaching.

Her vision went white as it hit her. Shrieking out as a perfect agony thrashed her against the stones. Drowning in the pleasure of his violence. Her body wrenching in a tortuous rhythm. Fucked to oblivion. Arching up, head hanging as he lifted her even higher. The blood rushing to her head threatening black stars in her vision.

"Stop," She gasped as his mouth continued to devour her. "Please, enough."

"Astarion, STOP!"

His eyes dimmed again, the red pulling away he let her drop, blinking. "Oh, oh my treasure. I-"

She curled onto her side. Pulling her legs hard into her body. Shaking and closing her eyes.

She was vaguely aware of him speaking above her but she was gone. Drifting away from her body. Seeing the room from far, far above herself. The world narrowing to a small point.

His hands shaking her brought her crashing back.

"Tav," He urged, looking deep in her eyes. "Tav, please speak to me."

"I want you to go." She whispered, looking foreign at him. "Please, go."

"No, please. I dont know what-"

"If you care as much as you pretend to, then please go."

He bit his lip, eyes scanning her face.

"I will find you again. I will make this right."

She layed her head back down, curling back into herself.

He pulled the sheets and blankets up over her. Pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"I will see you again, my treasure."

And he was gone, whipping up into the wind, out the open window.

Left with the silence of the night, she let the slow tears leak down the side of her face.

What had she started?

~

Part 5

#evil vampire rizz release me #beautiful screenshot by @astarionposting #astarion smut #astarion x tav #ascended astarion #lyrics from: will you cry - gracie abrams

[magicalara]

A...Hug?

Basically I was in my feels and started thinking what it would be like if you asked the kuro reapers for a hug so enjoy. This is meant to read as platonic but can also be read as romantic

Features: William T Spears; Grelle Sutcliff; Sascha; Ludger; Undertaker; Ronald Knox; Alan Humphries; Eric Slingby; Othello

TW: mentions of sadness but that’s all, I tried to make it really fluffy 

👓 William T Spears 👓

- Know one thing here and now, William T Spears of the British Branch of the Grim Reaper Association™ does not do happy hugs. If you are an excited hugger and go to him looking for a hug when excited, he will stare at you with the blankest face while you do it

-Five seconds is as much as you’ll get before he’s lightly pushing you off of him with a sigh while fixing his glasses (whether you messed them up or not). He’s happy that you’re happy, sure, but he doesn’t do the whole happy hug thing.

-When you’re sad, thought, now that’s a different story

-Will’s most definitely more understanding of your want for affection if you’re sad and so he’ll coax you into his office where he can properly focus on you without other distractions and give you the hug you need

-His hugs are grounding. He’ll hold you around the shoulders, maybe rub your back a little if you’re crying, and just keep a firm grip on you. He doesn’t say much, but it’s okay, because you know that he cares just from the way he’s hugging you

-William gives me dad energy okay he’d give dad hugs that are comforting and say all that you want/need to hear without actually saying it

♥️ Grelle Sutcliff ♥️

- Contrasting to William, Grelle is a happy hugger herself. She’ll hug you or whoever she’s around when super excited and it’s adorable okay I don’t make the rules, I just write about them. 

- Anyways, if you come up to her happy or excited and looking for a hug, she delivers. Is the kind to pick you up and spin for a few seconds if you’re comfy with it. Just big, giggly, happy hugs from Grelle.

- And if you’re sad, she picks up on it right away, even if you try and hide it. Will pull you into her lap and just craddle you as best she can. Head tucked into her neck, she’s whispering kind words to you, rubbing your back, the whole nine yards.

- Absolutely leans her head against yours. Forehead to forehead, her cheek or chin on top of your head, or just temple to temple, it doesn’t matter. Grelle’s head is against yours, I guarantee it

- Grelle hates seeing you sad and so she’ll do all that she can to make you smile again, including giving the best hugs in the world.

📸 Sascha 📸

- Another excited hugger. Sascha is bubbly and happy all the time and so hugs with them are frequent

- Most times, you two are just happy hugging together while others are staring like “Are they okay?” You’re fine, just happy

- Because they always seem to be bubbly, when Sascha sees that you, someone they care about, is sad, they immediately go into comfort mode. Has snacks at their desk if you want them, knows all the best quiet places to sneak off to if that’s what you want, and gives such good hugs

- Wraps their arms around you and holds your hand and gives encouraging smiles the whole time. Sascha knows it isn’t easy to be happy all the time, so when you need it, they make sure you know they’re always there for you

🚬 Ludger 🚬

- Ludger and William give me similar vibes, but also Ludger is more of a teddy bear. He acts like he hates it when you give him excited and happy hugs, but he really loves it on the inside (he’s also partners with Sascha and they do that a lot too, he’s used to it by this point)

- Will put an arm around your shoulders and just kinda let you do whatever, acting indifferent the whole time. On the inside he’s smiling, though, he thinks you’re adorable, especially if you’re shorter than him haha

- If you ask for a hug all sad, though, like I said he’s a literal teddy bear and probably is really comforting to hug. He’s warm and cuddly, no one can tell me otherwise

- Fully engulfs you as best he can in a hug and gives the same firm hugs that William does just while Will’s are kinda stiff, Ludger let’s you mold yourself to him however you want. Another one who doesn’t say much, but you can just tell by the way he puts his head against yours that he’s saying that he’ll protect and comfort you.

💀 Undertaker 💀

- Okay so while he’s still working for the RA, no hugs. He doesn’t do hugs. Head pats, sure, but no hugs. Undertaker wasn’t even half as fun when he was employed as to now that he’s a fugitive. But!! If he gave you a head pat, that’s like the ultimate thing because he doesn’t give those out to just anyone yk so cherish it

- Anyways, the Undertaker we know now loves hugs and will gladly give you as many as you want lol he’s probably touch starved. Happy hugs, sad hugs, comforting hugs, just because hugs, i want to fuck hugs , he does them all

- Gives big bear hugs, no matter the emotion. Can and will engulf you in his big robe and it’s so nice and warm. It’s like a little barrier he has to protect you from the world and the horrors he knows that are in it.

- If you’re close enough to Undertaker where he’s able to hug you, all that he wants is for you to just..stay with him always and forever. He tends to have a lot of people he cares about who just kinda die and so his hugs really show that “I’ll never let you go, please stay with me” emotion that he usually keeps hidden under the façade of happiness and laughter

- If you come to him for a hug while sad, he does all he can to make you smile. This includes, but is not limited to: soft tickles, bad jokes, good jokes, making a fool of himself, magic tricks, feeding you treats, letting you style his hair, and cuddles outside.

- I could keep going but we’d be here for years I just have so much to say about this sad little weirdo (affectionately)

🚜 Ronald Knox 🚜

- First of all, I’d like to point out that there isn’t a lawnmower emoji which is very sad. So tractors it is for Mr. Knox

- Ronald Knox does not understand the concept of happy hugging but he will gladly indulge anyways. Will he have a confused look on his face the whole time? Yes, yes he will. But will he also hug you just as tight as you hug him? Also yes. Ronnie isn’t here to disappoint, after all

- He might be flirty and has definitely done the like yawn arm over the shoulder thing, but he also knows the difference between a platonic hug and a romantic one yk so don’t think too deep into it if he hugs you around the waist, it’s more instinct than anything. Ron’s heard some of the people he’s pursued say that it feels better to them and so (especially if you guys are close) that’s his go to way of hugging

- Hand on the small of your back, other on your head, happy smiles and happier words if you’re sad. He’s awkward when it comes to comfort sometimes, but he tries and that’s what matters. Probably says some stupid shit to try and make you laugh (is successful 50% of the time)

🥀 Alan Humphries 🥀

- Sad man. He needs a hug (preferably from Eric)

- Anyways he also doesn’t understand the happy hug and probably reacts just like our ol’ pal William T Spears. Alan just stiffens up and doesn’t really know how to react. Probably just stares at you with wide eyes and when you pull away asks what the hell just happened

- Doesn’t mind it per say, just is confused. This doesn’t happen to him very often (or at all really) so he just doesn’t really know how to react yk?

- When you’re sad, though, he’s still just as awkward don’t expect much from this guy lol

- Listen, Alan cares alright, he really does, but he just...doesn’t know what to do really. He’ll sit next to you though!! Maybe hold your hand a little or put a hand on your knee just so you know he’s there

- That’s really all, though, he’s got his own shit to deal with on the side yk the whole dying thing really takes a lot out of him

❄ Eric Slingby ❄

- Accepts happy hugs but will only put an arm around you. Probably rests his arm on your head if you’re shorter than him and messes up your hair regardless of your height in comparison to him

- He makes fun of you affectionately for it much like an uncle would. Eric’s another teddy bear and so is just nice to hug. Probably has a good amount of muscle on him and is another natural space heater and he’s taller than William so like he’s definitely really nice to hug

- He gives those like “I’m proud of you” type hugs when you’re sad because while words aren’t his forte, his actions speak loud and clear. His hugs are shorter than the others, but he means it and he’ll pat your head and wipe your tears and tell you that whatever it is that’s bothering you will pass and everything will be okay and if it isn’t then he’ll reap them

- If you still want to be around him after his little encouraging hug then he’ll let you sit next to him and he’ll have him hand or arm on your shoulder so his presence is at least there 

🧪 Othello 🧪

- My favorite nerd I love this guy so much

- But that does not mean that he is a huggy guy okay actually it’s quite the opposite. He just tends to have some sort of sciencey something that spilled on him or is on his person and Othello doesn’t want you getting hurt yk?

- He just strikes me as more of a high five or fist bump kind of guy when you’re happy or excited. Othello is so down for a good high five way more than he is a hug

- When you’re sad, he’s similar to Alan. Sits next to you and will put a hand on your knee and all that but he isn’t about that hugging life. Othello is honestly really good at being a distraction to like sad thoughts

- That’s how he helps most is just by telling you about random shit he heard around the workplace. It does help and when you’re feeling better he’ll give you a pat on the shoulder and squeeze your hand with a smile

And that’s all!! Hope everyone enjoyed <3

#this took fucking ages #never doing everyone all at once ever again lol #black butler #kuroshitsuji #black butler headcanons #kuroshitsuji headcanons #black butler reapers #kuroshitsuji reapers #grelle sutcliff #grell sutcliff #grelle x reader #grell x reader #william t spears #william t spears x reader #ronald knox #ronald knox x reader #undertaker #undertaker x reader #sascha #sascha x reader #ludger #ludger x reader #alan humphries #alan humphries x reader #eric slingby #eric slingby x reader #othello #othello x reader

[idontknowreallywhy]

Teeth

This didn’t go the way I expected at all, it was meant to be some Dad!Scott from Scott’s POV but then Allie intervened and so it’s from his now. Haven’t really tried to write a young child’s inner voice before so sorry if it is clunky and out of character and the sentence structure is appalling but… a bit of an experiment…

Also not proof read because work calls… but yolo…

💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️

He woke with a terrified shriek and it hurt!

It hurt!

It hurt really bad!

Something was chomping on his legs and it had big teeth and maybe it was an alligator like in Gordy’s programme or a shark or… or a monster.

He shouted at it to stop and kicked it and kicked it and then realised he was cold now. His covers were gone and he could see by the red glow of his rocket nightlight that there were no gators on his bed. Maybe they were stuck in the covers.

But his legs still hurt so badly from the bites. Maybe some teeth broke off and were still stuck in his legs. He curled up in a ball and hugged them close. They felt normal to his hands but they hurt so much. His nose was all runny like it was crying like his eyeballs were and it was making his face itchy. He sniffed and wiped the tears and snot off with the arm of his pyjamas.

Gordy snuffled and turned over in his sleep and Alan froze. He wished he could climb into his big brother’s bed because Gordy knew all about gators and sharks and stuff and maybe he could make them stop biting. But Gordy had been sad and grumpy and Virgie had said the reason was he was hot and poorly and needed to sleep so the bugs in his ears would die. It sounded confusing and scary and Alan didn’t want bugs in his ears as well as teeth in his leg bones so he tried his hardest to be quiet like a big brave boy.

The invisible teeth gnashed at his legs again and Alan bit down hard on AstroTed’s fluffy arm, unable to stop himself sobbing. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t want to be eaten. He pushed his knees into his eye sockets and tried to remember the names of the stars Johnny had showed him just before bedtime. There was Jupiter but that was a planet and… and he couldn’t remember the others because his brain was full of OW.

He tipped sideways as a weight made his mattress dip and for a second he was scared he might fall into the water where the toothy things were but then there were strong arms and warm hugs and Scotty’s soft voice telling him it was ok and… and… Scotty. Alan stopped trying to be brave and tried to explain about the teeth but his voice was all jumpy and he couldn’t make the words right. Scotty got it though and Alan sighed as big hands wrapped around his shins and rubbed them firmly like he was brushing the teeth off and making them warm again. It still hurt but it wasn’t as scary because Scotty would make sure he wasn’t eaten. He closed his eyes and pressed his ear to his big brother’s chest and felt the vibrations as Scotty hummed the little tune he always used to make the monsters go away. The one he said Mommy had made for them before she had to go to heaven.

Then the tune stopped and Scotty was whispering and there was Virgie too. He had the bottle of pink medicine and the magic warm bear that could go in the microwave. None of his other bears could do that as it would hurt them but this one was special. Scotty pressed the bear on his legs and Alan accepted a spoon of the tasty medicine and then licked a drip off it off Virgie’s thumb because it was too nice to waste and Virgie laughed quietly before taking it back to the high cupboard in the kitchen.

Scotty didn’t leave though. He leaned down and picked up Alan’s covers and Alan shuffled hurriedly away and perched on his pillow because didn’t he know that’s where the gators were hiding? Scotty was brave and could fight them but Alan wasn’t that brave! But then Scotty was standing holding the covers up high and he shook them hard and showed Alan all around… no gators or monsters or aliens with fangs just colourful space ships and stars and Alan felt a little bit silly for being such a scaredycat.

Scotty didn’t laugh at him for being silly. He never did, unlike Gordon. Scotty only laughed at Alan when Alan was telling a joke and wanted him to laugh. Big brother smiled kindly and explained how Alan’s legs just hurt sometimes because he was growing so fast and maybe it meant he would be as tall as Scotty one day because Scotty’s legs used to do it when he was little too. Alan knew he was doing ‘surprised face’ because Scotty said “it’s true!” Maybe if having hurty bones was helping him be as big as Scotty he didn’t need to be so scared.

Warm bear was helping and Alan’s eyes kept closing. Scotty covered them both up with the covers and hugged him tight and hummed the special song while Alan flew through the blue sky in a rocket plane with his biggest brother standing close behind him.

💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️💙❤️

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #scott tracy #alan tracy #dad!scott #idontknowreallywhy fanfic #thunderfluff #wee!tracys #growing pains suck #parenting lowlights

[skrunkly-baloongis]

Four Bastards of the Yan-pocalypse play Animal Crossing: New Horizons:

Jack

John Doe

Alan

Ren/[Redacted]

Note: This is just my opinion and please dont take it seriously lol. Also, I wrote all of this while sleep deprived so if none of it makes sense, sorry lmfao ;w;

------------------------

Jack:

Favorite villager(s):

Would probably be Pietro or Goldie. Pietro due to the clown look and how cute he is, and Goldie because she's so sweet.

Favorite Activities:

I could easily see him as a very helpful person. Helping Guliver and Gulivarr, helping Harv with Reese and Cyrus, and easily befriending villagers left and right. He probably really likes the cooking mechanic of the game, as food is a universal love language. Extra points if you cook right along with him. Will probably cry if you gift him anything.

Favorite NPC's:

I'd say either Harv or Timmy and Tommy. Harv because of how sweet he is, and Timmy and Tommy because of how cute and endearing they are (just like you!)

________________________________________

John Doe:

Favorite Villager(s):

You probably saw this coming from a mile away, but Coco, Kiki, and Jitters. Coco because he likes her look, Kiki because she's black like his hair and she's pretty cool, and Jitters because...well...Just look at the dude lol

Favorite Things to do:

When it comes down to this, I honestly think Doe would be fine with whatever. I think he would like fishing and finding fossils just so he could run up to you and go "HEY LOOK AT THIS IT REMINDS ME OF YOUUUUUU" and it's legit an oarfish lmfao. He also probably wears a custom design sweater you made of his irl sweater in game.

Favorite NPC's:

I think he would like how cracked out Blathers looks. Just a nervous little mess of a man. I think he would like that. Either that or he'd really like Flick, specifically when Flick tries catching a bug and failing. (Then he can "Show this lizard boy how it's done").

----------------------------------------------------

Alan

Favorite Villagers:

Lmfao roast me all you want but Apollo all the way baby. Apollo, Dobie, Fang and Fauna. Apollo, Dobie and Fang because he thinks they look cool and likes interracting with them, and Fauna because she reminds him of his Doe-Eyes!

Favorite Things to Do:

A legend at material gathering. Need some wood? Bro he's out the door with his little axe ready to swing for you. Fishing? This man has enough fucking fish to fill three museums. You have to beg him to stop. He likes watching you go about your business as you talk to villagers and do whatever. He especially likes it when you bring him small gifts! Whether it be a new axe, fishing rod, or (his most recent favorite) ungodly ammounts of freshly cooked soup, he will cherish it like no tomorrow and be sad if he has to empty his pockets due to lack of storage.

Favorite NPC's:

I could see him really liking Cyrus. Both work well with their hands and are pretty talented at it! I could also see him liking Brewster as well, just for his kinda chill vibes. Plus, getting coffee with you would make his day!

-------------------------------

Ren/[Redacted]

Favorite Villagers:

For Ren, I would say he would like Judy, Chelsea, and Merry. Honestly any cute villager! Especially ones that remind him of how cute he thinks you are! For [Redacted], Muffy, Kabuki and Lucky! [Redacted] has a stark difference from what Ren enjoys, opting for more darker and creepier villagers.

Favorite Things to Do:

Given his (both Ren/[Redacted]'s) hacker occupation, he really loves modding the game! Dont worry about your switch being bricked, he's got you covered. He'll add in things ranging from old villagers, to even new gameplay mechanics just to see what could happen. In regards to vanilla animal crossing, he really likes seeing what you're up to. He's the type to collect shells and flowers for you and leave them outside the house as gifts. Similar to Jack, he would probably melt through the floor if you left him something.

Favorite NPC's:

Flick would probably be one of his favorites. He's so cool! Just look at him! Another favorite would be Kicks because of how cute he looks, and because he can buy you stuff from him lol.

#shitpost #sunny day jack #swwsdj #somethingswrongwithsunnydayjack #somethings wrong with sunny day jack #headcanon #sdj jack #john doe horror game #john doe visual novel #john doe #14 days with you #14dwy ren #14dwy redacted #14dwy #my dear hatchet man #mdh #mdhm alan #mdhm game #alan orion #animal crossing new horizons #im not mentally stable

[rickmaniac-forever]

For those who have never experienced love for an artist, to cry for one of them would be a silly thing because they think: how could you cry and feel so sorry for somebody you never knew personally?… but the truth is, when your favorite actor dies, it dies a part of your dreams too and when Alan Rickman (my favorite actor since I can remember) died I felt like all my motivations died too, my ilusion of meeting more about other country, language and culture (related to AR) because evertything reminded me to him and it felt like a knife… and it still feels sometimes. Today, it is 8 years since the terrible day Alan Rickman gone from this world but it feels like yesterday :(. I am happy that we shared this world together for a short time but sad that I never could met him. I hope his soul be happy.

#alan rickman #harry potter #potterhead #love #fan #idol #actor #love of my life #severus #snape #severus snape

[tagsecretsanta]

From @tracybirds

From @tracybirds to @thundergirl007

Tobogganing + John + Things don’t go according to plan

Content Warnings: Discussion of grief and missing people at Christmas.

“I thought you said you’d done this before,” grumbled Penelope as they trudged around the township. “I was led to believe tobogganing involved less wandering around the shops and more sliding down mountains at breakneck speeds and fracturing a leg for your thanks.”

“There aren’t any real mountains around here, Pen,” said John absently. “And I don’t understand why all the sleds we keep seeing are so small.”

“Toboggans.”

“Sleds.”

Penelope sniffed, burrowing her gloved hands deeper into her coat pockets in an effort to keep out the cold. “I just would have thought the ‘sled’ was already available for use if you were planning to invite me to partake in this hare-brained adventure.”

“I don’t set up hare-brained adventures, we’ve just hit a minor bump in the road.”

“You call a missing toboggan on a tobogganing excursion minor?”

“You call a simple hour sledding an adventure?” Penelope pulled a face and John laughed. “How come you’ve never gone anyway?”

“I told you,” said Penelope. “My parents didn’t believe hurtling down mountains trying to get yourself killed was a good source of entertainment. You’ll find we never went skiing either.”

For a moment it was as though the world stopped spinning, leaving him hurtling on with no solid ground beneath his feet.

“Oh,” said Penelope. “Oh, I’m sorry John, I didn’t think.”

“It’s fine,” said John. He felt a million miles away, he felt every square inch of fabric against his skin, and maybe it could be alright if he could just convince his lungs to breathe.

Instinct took over and he turned on his heel, starting to babble his excuses.

“You’re right, this was a waste of time,” he finally choked out and turned on his heel.

“No, John, it’s not, it’s–”

He didn’t hear the rest of her cry, drowned out by the hustle and bustle of Christmas shoppers and the blood that was pounding in his ears. His ragged breath caught in his throat and he kept his eyes firmly fixed on the pavement in front of him. He knew that if he allowed the world to distract him for even a second, the tears would fall, tears he’d cried a thousand times in his lifetime but that never seemed to run dry.

John hated that they were always there under the surface.

His comm pinged, but he ignored it, not in the mood for clumsy apologies or stammered explanations. He knew he was being over-sensitive, but then it was Christmas and his mother was dead and if there was ever a good reason to be touchy about a subject, this would be it.

Everywhere he looked were families, complete and untouched, with mothers who were alive and fathers who stayed.

And brothers who came home.

His lungs constricted as he tried to breathe through the pain, blindly collapsing onto a bench, assaulted by a new memory, formed only last week when he’d called to say he wouldn’t be going home this year. He’d already known the reaction, knew he would dismay them all with his selfishness, but he couldn’t fly to that humid, tropical island where they’d cut their mom out for good.

At least here, in the snow, he could pretend to be somewhere she loved.

John sucked in a breath through gritted teeth. It wasn’t the same as Dad, he told himself. No-one could argue that Oxford terms weren’t intense, that the vacations and half-terms weren’t loaded with assignments and readings and more besides.

Still, Alan had cried.

He pulled out his comm, wincing at the missed call from Penelope. She hadn’t tried again. Instead, he pulled up the photos he’d been sent of their new home, the sparkling blue of the ocean and the verdant green overpowering in each image. The vibrancy nearly hurt to look at in the monochrome street, all whites and greys. In every photo there was life and love, and John felt small and sad and alone.

“He isn’t back yet?”

Penelope’s voice floated out of the crowd and John froze. He half wanted to hide, half desperately wanted to reach out to his friend, but instead he didn’t move, hardly daring to breathe.

“No, Scott, I’m sure, he was heading back to you. Yes. Yes, I know. I checked the usual spots along this route.”

John furrowed his brow, trying to make sense of the words. His brother ought to have been asleep on the other side of the planet. Penelope had never held any qualms about approaching him after an upset before; they’d had disagreements and missteps between them plenty of times in the past without needing a mediator.

Penelope sighed.

“I’ll head back to his flat now, then,” she said. “I’ll try calling him again when I get there.”

A few minutes later she walked past him, briefly glancing at him as she walked past the bench. He saw it the moment she realised who she’d seen and raised a hand, mouth twitching into a weak smile.

“Hey.”

“John Tracy, where were you?” she cried, hurrying to his side.

“Just here,” he said, feeling bemused. “I didn’t want to go home.”

Penelope pulled him into a crushing hug. “I’m so sorry, John, I–”

“Get off, Penny,” he muttered. “It’s fine.”

It wasn’t fine, and both of them knew it, but John couldn’t stand to hear apologies when most of his misery was his own fault.

“I wish I’d gone to island,” he confessed. “I know it’s too late, and I shouldn’t have been so stubborn.” He checked the time. “Christmas will be over by the time I get there.”

“Oh, John,” said Penelope, hugging him once more. “You should have said something.”

“Better late than never, right,” he joked, but the words fell flat between them. He sighed. “It just feels like all Dad wants to do is forget about her. And everyone else is just going along with it.” He scuffed his shoe, listening to the crunch of snow against concrete. “I know it’s what got her killed, but she really did love this stuff. Dad might blame himself, but we’d have never gone if it wasn’t for her.”

“The things that your mother loved about this world isn’t what killed her, John,” said Penelope gently. “It was an accident.”

“It’s not like that’s any better,” snapped John. He bit his tongue, filled with immediate regret. “Sorry, I’m… sorry. I hate that island and I hate that there’s no snow and I hate that she didn’t get any say over any part of it.”

He huffed, drawing his coat tighter around him.

“And worst of all, I know she’d have loved it there. Just as much as anywhere. And my family’s all there, and sure they’ll miss me, but at least they’re together.”

Penelope didn’t say anything and the two sat in silence, shoulder to shoulder and watching the world as it hurried on by, eager to leap from preparation to holiday.

“Come,” said Penelope, dragging John to his feet. “Let’s go back. We can have hot chocolate and watch a Christmas movie together. I know it won’t be the same, but at the very least you won’t be alone.”

“I don’t feel like celebrating, Pen,” said John.

“Who’s celebrating? This isn’t a party, it’s a quiet evening in with friends.”

John huffed. “With you, that’s practically an open invitation for a party,” but he smiled all the same.

She caught his hand with hers and dragged his arm over her shoulders, so that they walked together in calming harmony.

By the time he stepped across the threshold, the warmth had begun to flicker once more in his chest, and the evening no longer felt too close around him.

Penelope flung herself onto the couch, flicking through options on the holoprojector, and shooed him into the kitchen.

“Same mug?” he called out to her.

There was no reply.

“Penelope?”

John stuck his head out and frowned. The living room was empty. He called again, this time hearing a scuffle coming from the bedroom.

He rolled his eyes, and strode across the room.

“Pen, what mug do you want?”

“Hmm?” she asked, sounding more flustered than usual. “Oh, the usual will be fine John. Can I borrow this book?”

John looked down. “My textbook on galactic evolution?”

Penelope’s eyes widened as she glanced down. “Oh, uh, I mean you always talk so fondly of the topic.”

John’s eyes narrowed. “What’s going on, Penelope?”

“Nothing,” she said automatically, just as there was a loud crash from the bathroom. She closed her eyes, as John looked between her and the closed door, uttering only a single word: “Boys!”

John pulled the door open and stared. Virgil and Gordon were frozen in front of him, looking somewhat like deer in headlights as they collected the hair products that had fallen from the counter. Scott saluted him with a grin from where he lay in the bath tub, and Alan bounded across the room, leaping at him for a hug with a shriek.

“Merry Christmas!”

“What are you all doing here?”

He didn’t get a response as his brothers crowded around him, swapping bits of the story and tales of the long trip, and demanding to know how he’d been, and John couldn’t tell where the questions stopped and the answers started, so he just laughed and hugged them all, too overcome with joy to take it all in.

There was however, one constant that he could make out.

“You did this?” he asked Penelope, who hadn’t stopped beaming at him in nearly five minutes.

She shrugged. “I may have suggested to Scott that you weren’t as bright and perky as normal. I believe he did all the heavy lifting from there.”

“Don’t let Scott take the credit,” piped up Gordon. “Virg overheard the fourth call and told Scott that he needed to learn to read between the lines and book us all a flight.”

He pulled a face. “Course, Virgil also got us caught, so don’t give him any credit either.”

“And what about Dad? Grandma?”

“Booked into a hotel down the street,” said Virgil, smiling. “Where I imagine we’ll all be staying too.”

“I want to stay with John,” protested Alan, and John ruffled his hair with a fond smile.

“You can share my bed,” he assured him. “And the couch is a pull out if anyone else wants to stay.”

“And we can argue over that later,” said Scott with a grin. “I heard you were making hot chocolate?”

John grinned. “I’m on it.”

He swung past Penelope and pulled her into a hug.

“Thank you,,” he whispered.

She hugged him back.

“Merry Christmas, John.”

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #tag team secret santa #thunderbirds fanfiction

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Thai QL Favorites Game

*sigh* y'all seem to love torturing me with the terrible, terrible weight of having to pick favorites.

Tagged by @telomeke

Favorite Thai QL: Moonlight Chicken 

gif by @jaehwany

This is so fucking hard because like…I Told Sunset About You, 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us, and The Eclipse exist and I could wax poetic about all of them, about how much heart went in to them, about how strong the performances of the actors are, about how emotionally impactful these shows were for me. Because all of them were, and they were impactful and relevant to me in so many different ways. I can say with utter confidence that I have not been as impacted by a piece of television as I was with ITSAY and 180D. But, fundamentally, Moonlight Chicken is the show that started it all for me. Moonlight Chicken is the first show that I started writing analysis about, it is the first show that I started interacting with other people on this website over, I have so many tumblr friends now explicitly because of how I engaged with this show, and how others engaged with this show. And so, regardless of how many other incredible, impactful, cinematographic masterpieces grace my screen, Moonlight Chicken will forever be my favorite because it gave me a community I didn’t have before. 

Favorite Pairing: First and Khaotung 

gif by @gunsatthaphan

I want to make it very clear, I do not condone fanservice. I am generally opposed to speculating about the nature of two actor’s relationships to one another outside of work. So, when I talk about my favorite pairing, I mean it strictly as scene partners. First and Khaotung are my favorite pairing because they are incredible fucking actors. First is a fucking chamelian, like seriously, I saw him in Not Me first, then in The Eclipse, and I think it took me until I looked up what else First had been in during my first viewing of The Eclipse that I even realized he had played Yok. And that blew my fucking mind because Yok and Akk are radically different characters. Yok is loud, chaotic, comfortable, and open. Akk is quiet, stressed, distressed, closeted, suppressed, and First does such an incredible job with both of those characters. After I watched The Eclipse for the first time, I went back right after to watch Not Me so I could compare First’s performance, and I was just blown away. I have since rewatched The Eclipse about six times.

gif by @choikangho

Then I saw him as Alan in MLC and again, First was able to be an asshole to Jim while maintaining a sympathetic position, he navigates so well the razor thin edge that has to be balanced when it comes to making a character that first appears as an antagonistic force but whose pain and anger is immediately understandable, and he does it with ease. It both makes me sad and happy that Aof did not know how good of an actor First was. I heard from @so-much-left-to-learn that Moonlight Chicken started filming before The Eclipse was released, and that Aof wasn’t ever on set for The Eclipse and therefore would not have really had a chance to see him playing more serious roles. I am glad that Aof acknowledging how blown away he was by First means that First actually can act and I am not just distracted by the angelic face of his. Also, this boy can fucking cry. 

gif by @gaykey

Khaotung similarly, I think my first exposure to Khao was The Eclipse and then I saw him in A Tale of A Thousand Stars and I was like “Hello??????????? Where did my rat bastard go? This is a sweet ray of sunshine!” Khao is a powerhouse, and a master at displaying, expressing, and articulating grief that it radiates out of the screen. It is unsurprising to me that everyone was singing his praises in MLC and I feel some type of way about the fact that Aof knew how talented Khaotung was and trusted him to carry the heavy responsibility of portraying the grief of losing a parent so soon after Aof lost his. And everyone who said that your eye can’t help but be drawn to Khao whenever he is on screen is correct. Khaotung is a force to be reckoned with, and though you are drawn to him, I don’t think when he is not the focus of the moment that he ever steals the scene. Also, this boy can fucking cry. 

gif by @thebvbbletea

I think it was @ginnymoonbeam who said that First and Khaotung elevate every role they play, and I have to agree. But further, they elevate each other, and I so enjoyed the clips I’ve seen of First and Khaotung discussing their friendship and how they had never gotten to work together, and how they had a conversation with each other when they got cast opposite one another in The Eclipse being like “this is probably the one and only time they are going to have us work together, so let’s show them what we’ve got” and they just like…demolished those fucking roles, and now are scene partners in a number of shows. I loved watching the Behind the Scenes videos where First and Khaotung describe what they have learned from each other working together, especially how First is always going back to look at the camera and to observe the scene they have just recorded so he can see how the scene is looking, take mental notes, and adjust as needed, and how Khaotung had never done that until he was on set with First. 

Again, I will not speculate in any way, shape, or form about the true nature of their relationship to one another outside of work, but inside of work they do appear to be deeply deeply important to each other which is just so wonderful to witness. Regardless of whether or not their friendship is that strong when cameras aren’t rolling, I love seeing sweet, vulnerable, and strong displays of male friendship where First and Khaotung are literally crying at the thought of not seeing each other every day. Like, I just think shit like that is incredibly important for people to see in hopes that they will understand that it is okay to love your friends loudly and strongly.  

Most underrated actor: Jennie 

I love Jennie so much, my face always lights up when she is on screen. I think she is a great actress, and gave a very compelling performance as Mae in 3 Will Be Free. I would love to see her in more things, in larger roles. 

Favorite Character: Akk, The Eclipse

gif by @fuligongs

Thankfully this is a Thai QL tag only so that I didn’t have to pit two bad bitches against each other (Wen Kexing and Akk). Ohhhhhh Akk, you are trying so hard to please everyone around you, and you are so scared, and so prone to being manipulated, and so stressed out. You have so much pressure on you, you are carrying so much doubt and fear and pain. You tried to murder your classmates, you cry yourself silly over problem you are partially responsible for. You are complicated, and suppressed, and constantly on the verge of bursting, and I want to just wrap you in a blanket, give you hot chocolate, and tell you everything is going to be okay. Akk is my beloved BL boy. I relate very hard to the composition of his character. I am not an Akk apologist, because he has done some very wrong things in his life, but I love him because of all the wrongs he has done. Because he didn’t know any better, because he had a lot to lose if he did not do his job to a satisfactory degree, because he saw a hot boy who was immediately mean to him and fell head over heels, and because Akk is constantly evaluating and questioning his worldview, and adjusting it accordingly. He has such a huge heart and he’s not quite sure what to do with it. 

Favorite Side Character: Chot, Step by Step 

gif by @mushiemadarame

This man has his shit together and spends too much of his precious time corralling his love sick, dumb fuck gay boy boss and his love sick, dumb fuck gay boy coworker around their enclosure.

Favorite scene in a QL: 180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us, Ep. 8

The farewell Wang gives to In near the end of Episode 8 is probably my favorite scene in a QL ever for a very innocuous and unexpected reason, and that is the flashback to Mon comforting Wang in the aftermath of their confrontation. Now, poor @bengiyo can attest that when I first saw the literal like…ten seconds of Wang falling against the doorframe of his mother’s bedroom, and then collapsing sobbing in to her arms, that I was sent in to the most intense emotional distress of my entire life for deeply, deeply personal reasons. I shared this entire clip because I think the confrontation itself is a marvel to behold, the way the tension has been building and building and building the entire show, and you can almost hear the whistle as the pressure finally becomes to much, and then erupts. GOD THIS SHOW IS SO FUCKING GOOD. Anyway, it took me thirty minutes to calm down and breathe properly from Wang’s “Ma” moment in this episode and because of how strongly it impacted me, it is my favorite scene. 

Favorite line in a QL: “You’re allowed to be weak, at least with me” / “You don’t have to be strong, not with me” 

This is a line that is very frequently said by at least one half of a pair, Akk and Ayan say it to each other in The Eclipse, King says it to Uea in Bed Friend, I’m pretty sure there is some variation of it that Praipai says to Sky in Love in The Air. It is cheesy, and tropey, sure, but boy oh boy how I love the level of safety and comfort it implies between characters. Like, fundamentally, an aspect of relationships that is constantly evaluated in romance, is who knows you better than anyone, how you show your most authentic self to the person that you love. I mean, seriously, how much of romance stories revolves around hiding parts of yourself you fear no one would ever love? How much of romance stories revolve around keeping secrets because you are scared of losing the person you have? How much of romance has their conflict arise from the revelation of the secret, but not the secret itself? How much of romance has their resolution occur after moments of complete and total honesty?

I love all variations of this line, non-verbal ones included, non-verbal ones especially: from Pran sobbing in to Pat’s shoulder in Episode 10, to Tien fainting in Phupa’s arms, to Akk and Ayan always holding one another while one or both of them cries, navigating nightmares, and panic attacks, bearing witness to abuse, etc.

All that said, the other line that has been haunting me recently is “No one has asked me how I am in awhile” said by Tawan in My Ride because oof, yeah, in many ways and in many aspects of my life I am Tawan and truer words…

Most Anticipated QL (& why): Only Friends 

First being a slut. Neo being a slut. Mark being a slut. Force being a slut. Khaotung being a slut.  Book being a slut. JENNIE!

This chart: 

This clip from the trailer: 

(gif from @ahxiang)

The playlist: 

I am 0% looking forward to the fan reactions because I feel like this is a show rife for the picking around discourse, but I am looking forward to seeing what kind of a ride (haha) Jojo takes me on. 

Healthiest relationship in a QL: Mork and Tawan, My Ride

gif by @save-the-data

I haven’t finished this show yet, I have the last two episodes to watch but I really love the reciprocal relationship the two of them have, I know it seems funny and ironic to say this, knowing that Mork did withhold information from Tawan and continued to try to alleviate his fears by lying to him about it, but they are open and honest with each other in a really wonderful way, I love their dynamic, and I think that as they continue to know each other, and love each other that they will only get better and better with open, honest communication, and mutual respect and care. 

Most toxic relationship in a QL: Akk and Theo, Enchante 

Sorry if you like this show, and sorry if you like this couple, and I know this feels out of left field when VegasPete exists, when FUTS exists, when Boss and Toy exist but like… 

Theo does fuck all for Akk, he just creates the most elaborate lie, doubles down on it, triples down on it, lets four other boys try to woo him, and Akk’s devotion to Theo and Theo’s downright obliviousness to Akk’s life needs leads to Akk getting fucking FIRED FROM HIS JOB BECAUSE THEO COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO RIDE THE BUS. Like…I’m sorry, but as much as I do believe that many relationships have some inherent level of imbalance, whether that is time, emotional needs, income, life experience, etc. and that can be fine and does not inherently make a relationship terrible or “toxic”, folks I’m sorry, I have seen 60 BLs at this point and I think this is the couple that I like the least. 

Guilty pleasure series: There is no such thing as a guilty pleasure, I own that shit…

My guilty pleasure series is not so much a series as it is revisiting certain scenes in different BLs that I love. I have rewatched a number of the fight scenes, make out scenes, and sex scenes in the shows I have seen: Eclipse, Bed Friend, La Pluie, LITA, KinnPorsche, Moonlight Chicken, etc. 

gif by @liyazaki

There isn’t a particular order, and there is no intentional plan, but sometimes a backing track of a scene gets stuck in my head and I have to watch the scene to get it out, and sometimes I’m like “damn I miss my boys”, and sometimes @colourme-feral is an asshole and reblogs King and Uea gifs and I am seized with the urge to see them again. I tend to watch kissing scenes and sex scenes a lot in the shows that I’ve seen because I love breaking down the choreography of the scene. If you don’t know by now, I spend a lot of my time in shows analyzing the body language of the characters and there are no scenes more rich with body language to analyze than the strongest emotional moments, which come through the eruption of a fight scene, or through the intimacy of a love scene.

gif by @alexshenry

I will often watch a particular moment of a scene like four times in a row, trying to parse through every microexpression on an actor’s face, or wonder how the hell they managed to get through a scene without laughing. I love watching other people have strong emotional responses in a television show because I cannot and do not act, and therefore I am constantly amazed and curious about how a person is able to make their face move like that, make their body move like that, make their eyes shine like that, etc. 

Most underrated series: He’s Coming to Me 

Honestly, I would say 180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us is also a highly underrated series, but 180D is very heavily reminiscent of stage plays (which makes sense since the director is a playwright) and I that is not a style of performance that is as easily watched for everyone. So I can understand the physicality, and the pacing, and the space to be a barrier to actually enjoying the show. Which is why I am going to say something most other people have said…He’s Coming to Me. 

I am picking this one because it is filmed in a similar style to most other GMMTV BLs which means that it is accessible to a wider audience. But it’s released was impacted by a number of different issues, including fan pushback, which is to say the least a goddamn travesty. This is a beautiful piece of media, with (unsurprising) stellar performances from Ohm and Singto. Aof knows how to do an Episode 5 roof scene, let me tell you. I have seen it on a recommended watch list from time to time, with mostly just the statement that people should watch it because there is a really good coming out scene. Which is literally all I knew about the show when I started watching it, and which promptly became a thing I got a bit miffed over, not because I didn’t love the coming out scene (I super super did) but because this show is so queer. This show is a gay trifecta (by, for, and about queers) and no one fucking told me?!

Like, seriously the only thing anyone at all had to say about this show was that the coming out scene was good? Not the way that seeing ghosts is a metaphor of queerness, not that Ohm delivers one of the most gut-wrenching screaming apologies? Not a peep have I seen about Ohm’s ramble about people’s assumptions about what and who he likes by his friends in the locker room? 

Everyone needs to see this show. I know that the distribution of it prevented a lot of people from seeing it in any timely fashion, but it is available on YouTube now and I would highly, highly recommend it. This was a 10/10 show for me. 

Tagging @solitaryandwandering, @colourme-feral, @ranchthoughts, @rocketturtle4

#la pluie #step by step #moonlight chicken #bed friend #mlc #hctm #3wbf #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #jennie panhan #ohm pawat #singto prachaya #180 degree longitude passes through us #kinnporsche #only friends #thai ql tag challenge #wka long post #Spotify

[maboroshi-no]

Hamefura Movie Novel Chapter 1 Summary

I am currently reading the light of the novel of the upcoming Hamefura movie and will write summaries as I read.

________________________

Chapter 1: The Foreign Merchant Caravan

Katarina Is in the Royal Castle

Katarina is currently walking in the royal castle's garden. She is in high spirits because she has finally graduated from the Academy of Magic.

Today, Geordo has invited Katarina for tea, and she has come alone since Keith had to set out for work with their father this morning. Katarina feels sad that she, Keith, and her friends will start going their own ways. She is also feeling nervous about working at the Ministry of Magic. It will be her first working experience (if she doesn't count her part-time jobs in her past life), and it happens to be at the most prestigious organization in the country.

Pochi Runs Off

Pochi has come out of her shadow and is looking at her. Katarina scolds him for coming out of his own. Pochi suddenly dashes somewhere. Katarina chases after him.

Katarina arrives in a gloomy place on the outskirts of the castle. She has lost sight of Pochi. She sees an opened door and guesses that Pochi must have gone through it. There is a "No Trespassing" sign at the door. She enters nevertheless while hoping that it will be okay as long as she doesn't stay for long.

Inside, there are a lot of dusty art pieces like vases, paintings, and statues. Katarina finally finds Pochi and scolds him for running away. Then she sees a little creature behind Pochi. She asks it where it comes from, and it replies "Piyo". She takes the little bird with her.

Taking the Tea at Geordo's Place

Geordo is puzzled about why a bird would be in the room storing the royal family's art pieces. Mary wonders if it might not be a bird kept in the royal castle's garden since it seems used to people. Alan doesn't think so since he hasn't heard anything like it. Sophia thinks it might be a bird that came from the outside, and Nicol agrees. Maria wonders what species it is. Keith doesn't recognize the species either and wonders if it might be a new species of birds. Katarina asks Geordo if he has any idea about the species of the bird.

Geordo: Well, I wonder… It is indeed intriguing, but what I find most curious is why everyone is here even though you're the only one I have invited for tea.

Katarina is surprised. Since everyone was here when she arrived, she was convinced that he had invited everyone.

Mary happily tells Geordo that she won't let him steal a march on her. The others add that they have also wanted to have tea with Katarina. Geordo is displeased.

Keith scolds Katarina for entering an off-limits place without permission.

Since Katarina doesn't know where to return the bird, she asks it if it wants to go with her. The bird replies "Piyo". As a consequence, Katarina takes the bird back with her to the Claes's house.

??? POV

A man thanks a dying man for having always supported him. He is crying since he is about to lose the first friend he has ever made. 

The dying man tells the other man that even if he is about to lose his soul, he will return to this world with a new one. When he does, he will search for the man again, and if he finds him, he asks the man to become his friend again. The man is taken aback since his friend is serious. He tells him that he will wait for him. The dying man smiles with relief and then dies. The man believed in the last words of his friend and kept waiting for him for a long time.

The man wakes up after having this nostalgic dream. He senses a presence that he has never sensed until now. He rushes outside and hears some flapping sounds. He senses his partner in the bird and is happy that his friend has been reborn.

Though, the man is troubled about what to do now. He should probably report this to "that man" since others can easily feel the presence in the bird and he would be blamed if he doesn't report it right away, causing his precious ones to suffer. But if he reports it, "that man" will ask him to bring it to him. 

The man reluctantly decides to make his report. The bird brushes his head against his cheek as if to comfort him.

Katarina's POV

Piyo and Everyone

It has been a little while since Katarina has taken Piyo back with her.

Piyo is incredibly cute. Keith was initially indifferent about Piyo, but now he dotes on him whenever he is free from work. Millidiana was angry at first since Katarina had brought in yet another weird creature, but now she secretly dotes on Piyo and brings him some feed. The girls, but also the boys, are also fond of Piyo and come see him with treats. Especially Alan: he always makes sure to bring some treats that Piyo might like, so Piyo has started to like him. The girls brush Piyo's feathers, put some tiny ornaments on him, and dotes on him, and Piyo enjoys it.

Since everyone fusses about Piyo, Katarina thinks Pochi might feel lonely. She summons him and pets him. She thinks Pochi is not any less cute than Piyo. She enjoys both Pochi and Piyo's softness.

Katarina and Anne Go Out Shopping in Town

Katarina is suddenly called by Anne. Anne notifies her that her carriage is ready. Katarina makes Pochi return inside her shadow and puts Piyo on her shoulder. Piyo always behaves whenever on her shoulder. Anne brushes the grass off Katarina's dress (because she was playing with her pets) and they depart.

Katarina is going out to town today since her friends have plans and won't come to visit. She will buy the new volume of a romance novel and eat cakes at popular pastry shops. Anne is accompanying her because Keith, Luigi, and Millidiana are worried about her going out alone. Keith even reminded her not to follow strangers even if they give her sweets. Katarina is 17 now. She legally is an adult in Sorcier, she has graduated from the Academy of Magic and she will soon start working. Despite this, everyone seems to treat her like a young child. There are so many overprotective people around her.

Katarina Sees a Foreign Merchant Caravan

Looking out the window of the carriage, Katarina suddenly sees some big tents. She asks Anne what they are. Anne replies that they are most likely a caravan of merchants. Katarina is unfamiliar with them, so Anne explains that they are a group of merchants traveling the country to buy and sell goods, like some kind of moving shops. Katarina is amazed since it is her first time seeing any. It is also a first for Anne.

It seems to be a caravan of foreign merchants. Katarina asks Anne what kind of goods they sell. Anne replies that they sell things like fabrics or gemstones.

Katarina grows curious and asks Anne if they can take a look. Anne refuses since it can be dangerous. Katarina insists and tells her they will just take a little look and go back right away if it feels dangerous. She adds that Piyo also wants to take a look. Piyo chirps in agreement. Anne finally gives in. They will have a little look and go back right away if it feels even a tiny bit dangerous. Katarina thanks Anne. 

Katarina and Anne Visit the Foreign Merchant Caravan

Katarina and Anne have come towards the big tents. There are many people and a lively atmosphere in the air, like a festival. Katarina sees goods spread on carpets and people wearing turbans. It really seems to be a caravan of foreign merchants. Katarina is extremely excited and pulls Anne's hand to the nearest shop tent. Inside, Katarina is amazed by all these goods she has never seen before: vivid fabrics, accessories, and handicrafts.

Katarina gazes at the woodcraft of an animal. She wonders if she should buy it as a souvenir. Piyo flaps his wing when he sees the woodcraft. Katarina moves Piyo next to it. Piyo looks at it silently. The statue seems to represent some sort of bird, but Katarina doesn't recognize it. She asks the merchant what kind of bird it is. The merchant replies it is the guardian deity of his country. Katarina asks him which country he is from. The merchant replies he comes from Mutlaq. Katarina is confused since she doesn't know it. The merchant tells her it is understandable since his country is far away and they mostly have no trade with Sorcier. Katarina wonders why they would expressly go all the way to Sorcier. She is about to ask the merchant, but then she hears some music.

The music comes from foreign musical instruments played on a wooden stage near the tent. Piyo runs towards the music. Katarina chases Piyo but she has a hard time moving through the crowd of people.

Katarina Watches a Dancing Show

Katarina arrives at the stage where the music is played. A veiled girl dressed like a dancer from Arabian Nights appears and starts dancing to the music. Her dance is different from the ones in Sorcier and she moves like a butterfly. Then a tiger appears and joins her dance. After the dance, the dancer and the tiger bow their heads, and the crowd loudly cheers and applauds. Katarina was entranced by the dance.

Katarina Chases Piyo

Katarina suddenly remembers that she was chasing Piyo. She looks hard on the ground and worries about people crushing Piyo under their feet. Then she finally sees Piyo near a tent. She rushes towards it and calls Piyo. Piyo ignores her and enters the tent through a slight opening. Katarina is troubled and wonders if she should ask a merchant for permission to go inside. Then she remembers the tiger from the show and fears Piyo might get eaten. She finally enters the tent using the same opening.

Katarina Meets a Boy

Inside, there are a lot of goods, so Katarina has a hard time searching for Piyo. Then she hears "Piyo" and the voice of a boy amusingly asking Piyo where he came from. The boy wears a turban and carries Piyo in his hand. Katarina shouts in relief since she has finally found Piyo. Hearing her, the boy gets wary and sternly asks her who she is.

Katarina looks at the boy closely. He is an Arabian-style pretty boy.

Katarina explains to the boy that she saw her bird entering the tent and that she entered it too because she feared he might get eaten by the tiger. She apologizes.

The boy's expression softens a bit and he tells her that the tiger over there won't eat anything without his permission. Katarina is startled and finally realizes the presence of the tiger in the room. The tiger gives her a displeased look and goes back to sleep. Katarina feels like the tiger is acting like a cat. The boy mutters that tigers and cats are close species after all. The boy appears to be curt but kind. The tiger seems to be asleep. It feels weird to Katarina to have a big and scary animal sleeping next to her.

Katarina remembers how the tiger acted like a cat when it left the stage led by a person. She asks the boy if he is the one taking care of the tiger. The boy confirms with an expressionless face. Katarina is amazed to see someone who can make a tiger act like a cat. Then she looks at Piyo happily swinging his tail on the boy's hand, without any intention of going back to her. She is shocked to see Piyo so affectionate with someone he has just met while it took her days to get friendly with him. 

Katarina tells the boy that he seems to be loved by animals. She is jealous of him since dogs hate her and other animals don't particularly love her. The boy curtly tells her that it is just that he knows how to handle animals since it is his job. Despite his curt tone, Katarina feels like he is a gentle boy.

Katarina is about to ask the boy what his job is, but then a falcon flies over and sits on the boy's shoulder. When Katarina exclaims how pretty the falcon is, the falcon puffs up its chest. The boy gives the falcon a fond look and pets it. The falcon seems to enjoy it. Both of them seem to understand each other.

Katarina asks the boy what his job is. The boy replies he performs acrobatics with the animals. Katarina remembers the tiger from the show and is amazed that the boy was able to teach it its number. The boy replies that the animals just have a good memory and that he is not that amazing. Katarina still thinks he is. 

Katarina asks the boy if there is also a show with the falcon. The boy replies that today's show was just a teaser and that the real one will be tomorrow. The falcon will come on stage then. Katarina is shocked because the amazing show from earlier was just a teaser. She asks the boy if anyone can watch the show. The boy replies yes. She asks the boy if she can go see it. The boy says she can come if she likes. Katarina is excited and asks the boy for his name. The boy reluctantly tells her his name: Aaqil. Katarina smiles and introduces herself as "Katarina".

Katarina and Aaqil Are Joined by Another Boy 

Aaqil is called from behind by another boy of about his age. The boy is surprised to see Katarina. The boy has a girlish face. The boy asks Aaqil if Katarina is a customer. Aaqil simply tells him she is lost. The boy curiously looks at Katarina.

Katarina explains her circumstances to the boy and apologizes. She extends her hand towards Piyo in Aaqil's hand, but he looks away with a displeased look. Katarina is shocked because she didn't expect Piyo to react like that. Looking at her, the boy lets out a laugh. 

The boy explains that Aaqil is an animal charmer. Katarina is shocked and wonders if Piyo got charmed. Aaqil sighs and tells her the boy is joking. He puts Piyo back in her hand. Piyo seems displeased, so Katarina wonders if the boy wasn't right after all. Katarina is sad over Piyo being displeased with her.

Qumiit Invites Katarina to Watch Them Rehearse

Aaquil asks the boy, "Qumiit", what he came for. Qumiit has come to notify him that they will start rehearsing for tomorrow. Katarina excitedly asks if the rehearsal is for tomorrow's show. Qumiit is surprised by Katarina's reaction and asks her if she heard about it from Aaqil. Katarina confirms and tells him that Aaqil even told her she could come. Qumiit grins over Aaqil "inviting" her to see the show. Aaqil curtly replies that he only told her to do what she likes. 

Qumiit introduces himself to Katarina and invites her to watch them rehearse. Aaqil disapproves but Qumiit says it is fine.

Katarina is about to accept his offer, but she suddenly remembers about Anne. She explains to Qumiit that she has lost sight of her attendant and asks if she can come back once she has joined with her. Aaqil is surprised that she really happens to be lost. Katarina corrects him: she isn't lost, she has just lost sight of her attendant. Aaqil replies that it is what "lost" means. Katarina pouts. Qumiit smiles while looking at them and tells Katarina to come back once she has joined her attendant. If she tells people that she is Aaqil and Qumiit's acquaintance then people will let them in. Katarina thanks him.

Katarina takes back the reluctant Piyo and heads towards the opening she entered from. Aaqil stops her and asks her where she is going. Katarina simply replies she is going back through the opening she entered from. Aaqil sighs and asks her to properly use the exit instead. Qumiit bursts out laughing. Aaqil escorts her to the exit and asks her not to get lost and to properly use the entrance next time.

Katarina runs off to the carriage place in high spirits. She can't wait before she joins with Anne and they watch them rehearse.

Aaqil's POV

When Aaqil is back, Qumiit grinningly asks him if he has properly sent Katarina off. Qumiit is part of the merchant caravan and also Aaqil's childhood friend. Aaqil curtly says yes, annoyed by Qumiit's grin. Qumiit doesn't mind his tone and tells him that he gotta show Katarina his cool sides when she is back. Aaqil shockingly asks him why. Qumiit simply replies that it is because Aaqil obviously likes her. Aaqil starts denying it, but Qumiit ignores him and leaves the room to prepare for the rehearsal.

Aaqil is convinced that Qumiit has the wrong idea. While it is true that he is bad at talking with people, especially women, he could only talk with Katarina because she threw him out of his pace and she is easy to talk to. Though, it is not the time to talk about frivolous things like this. He closes his eyes and searches for a presence. It is coming soon.

Katarina's POV

Katarina Joins With Anne

Katarina has returned to where her carriage is parked and sees Anne with a livid face, waiting for her. Anne couldn't find her despite frantically searching for her and she was about to ask for help at the Claes house. Katarina was close to getting a good scolding from her mother.

Katarina explains to Anne how Piyo ran off and the events after, and how the merchant people have offered to let her watch them rehearse for tomorrow's show. Anne doesn't seem surprised by this turn of events. Katarina is confused.

Katarina and Anne will change their plans and watch the rehearsal of the show. Katarina keeps Piyo inside the shopping basket to prevent him from running off again. Piyo is displeased but complies after Katarina has explained her reasons.

On the Way to the Rehearsal

Katarina is surprised that merchants would give shows. Anne replies that she has never heard about merchants from Sorcier giving shows, so it must be something specific to merchants from Mutlaq.

Anne didn't see the show earlier because she was too far in the back. She is looking forward to the rehearsal. 

Based on the number of people and the variety of goods, this merchant caravan seems to be a large one. While searching for Katarina, Anne heard it was a national merchant caravan. Katarina is surprised about the concept and asks if Sorcier also has one. Anne hasn't heard anything about it and thinks it must be something specific to Mutlaq. It makes sense to Katarina that a national merchant caravan could give shows. Aaqil even said that the show earlier was a teaser, so the real thing must be even more amazing. Katarina can't wait to see it.

Katarina and Anne have arrived at the tent where the rehearsal will take place. Just as Qumiit told her, Katarina tells the old man at the entrance that they are Aaqil and Qumiit's acquaintances. The old man lets them in. He asks them with a smile to give them a good advertisement. Katarina is confused. The old man explains that they give shows to attract people and have them see their goods, so it would help if she could advertise the show to the people around her. Katarina tells him she will advertise it to her friends. The old man tells her she should rather invite them to see the show. Katarina says she will. She would actually like to watch the show with her friends since she will hardly be able to see them from now on.

The old man shouts that Aaqil and Qumiit's acquaintances have arrived. A pair of twin children appear. Aaqil and Qumiit have asked them to guide Katarina and Anne to the stage where the rehearsal will take place. The twins look similar but one acts friendly while the other acts unfriendly.

The friendly twin leads the way to the stage while the other stays behind them. Katarina is surprised to see children in the merchant caravan and asks if they are part of it. The friendly twin confirms and adds that the caravan leader picked them up. Katarina is confused about the "picked up" part. The friendly twin explains that they are orphans. Katarina doesn't know what to say since she didn't expect their heavy circumstances. The unfriendly twin tells her there are a lot of orphans in their country. The friendly one adds that the caravan leader is a softhearted person who can't leave people in trouble alone. Katarina wonders if the whole caravan, including Aaqil and Qumiit, consists of people picked up by the caravan leader.

They have reached the place of rehearsal. The friendly twin invites Katarina and Anne to sit on the chairs and wait, then both twins join the other people backstage. The curtain is still down and Katarina hears some noise coming from the stage. Piyo seems like he wants to come out of the basket. Katarina lets him out and puts him on her shoulder. Piyo looks at the stage with sparkling eyes.

The Rehearsal Show

Eventually, Katarina hears the same music as earlier, and the curtains rise. The stage is bigger and there are more people playing music. Katarina feels more entranced than earlier. 

The same veiled dancer girl appears and starts dancing. Veiled child dancers also join her. Then the tiger joins in. Aaqil is quietly standing on the side and exchanges eye contact with the tiger. Katarina is amazed that Aaqil and the tiger seem to understand each other.

The music and the dance stop, and next, a bewitching woman dances with a sword in hand. Katarina feels entranced by her dance.

Then Aaqil comes out with the tiger, the falcon from earlier, and also a snake. He starts his acrobatics show. He makes the tiger jump through a ring, he makes the falcon fly around and drop flower petals. Katarina feels like she is watching a circus show. When Aaqil bows his head after his number, Katarina stands up and claps her hands loudly. Aaqil raises his brows in surprise. Katarina wonders if she might have been too loud. 

Then, at last, the dancer girl comes out again and her beautiful singing voice resounds. 

After the Rehearsal Show

The show was more wonderful than Katarina expected. Even after the curtain dropped, she couldn't help clapping her hand. Anne was also amazed by the show. 

Aaqil walks to them. Katarina can't contain her excitement and tells him about all the emotions she felt during the show. She gushes about how amazing it was, including his number. Aaqil curtly tells her she is too noisy. Katarina insists that she was really moved.

The dancer girl arrives. She has removed her veil and Katarina can see how beautiful she is. Still, she looks familiar. Katarina stares at the girl. The girl can't believe that Katarina still hasn't recognized her and tells her she is Qumiit. Katarina is shocked: she thought she was a boy when they met earlier. Qumiit burst out laughing and tells her he is indeed a boy. He only appears like that on stage. Katarina feels relieved that she wasn't mistaken. Though, no matter how she looks at him, he really looks like a beautiful girl in this costume. She tells him his singing and dancing performances were amazing. Qumiit proudly replies is because he is a genius. 

Qumiit tells her about the other people: the musicians and the sword-dancing girl. This merchant caravan seems full of amazing people. 

Anne apologizes to Qumiit for the trouble Katarina caused earlier. Katarina hurriedly bows her head too. Qumiit replies that Anne is probably the one who has it the hardest and gives her a sympathetic gaze.  

Then Anne clearly expresses her praises regarding the show. Katarina wishes she could have praised the show as clearly. 

Aaqil, the falcon and Piyo

The falcon flies over and sits on Aaqil's shoulder. Aaqil gives it a gentle gaze and pets it. The falcon enjoys the touch. Aaqil always makes such a gentle face when he is with animals. Anne tells Aaqil that the falcon really seems attached to him. Aaqil replies that they have been together ever since it hatched from its egg. Katarina finds such a bond between a human and a bird so beautiful, but Piyo feels displeased and throws a tantrum on Katarina's shoulder, looking like it wants to go over to Aaqil. Katarina asks Piyo if he prefers Aaqil over her. Piyo confirms with a "Piyo". Piyo moves on Aaqil's hand and seems to ask him to pet him. Aaqil kindly does so. Piyo seems satisfied and gives a smug look to the falcon. The falcon acts standoffish as if telling Piyo "There's no way you can get between us". Katarina feels like she is witnessing a love triangle between a human and two birds. Aaqil gives her a puzzled look, so she explains how he and the two birds seem to be in a love triangle. Aaqil replies that there is no such thing. Qumiit bursts out laughing while Anne gives a sorry look. Katarina puffs out her cheek and insists that it really looks like that to her. Looking at her, Aaqil smiles. Katarina is surprised since he has only given her frowns or expressionless looks until now. Katarina thinks to herself that the smiles of Arabian-style pretty boys are so devastating that it doesn't affect only birds. 

Katarina Feels Like She Has Seen Aaqil Before

Katarina has the strange feeling that she has seen Aaqil's face before, long ago. But at the same time, she feels like in that case, she wouldn't have forgotten the face of such a pretty boy. 

Someone from the staff suddenly calls Aaqil and Qumitt to help clean up. Katarina and Anne decide to take their leave. Katarina puts Piyo in the basket despite his reluctance to leave. She tells Aaqil and Qumiit that she will definitely come tomorrow. Upon leaving, Katarina forgets the strange feeling she had about Aaqil.

#hamefura light novel #hamefura movie #hamefura #my next life as a villainess: all route lead to doom #katarina claes #pochi hamefura #geordo stuart #mary hunt #alan stuart #sophia ascart #nicol ascart #maria campbell #keith claes #piyo_hamefura #aaqil #qumiit #nashiit #haati #alqus #anne shelley

[respectthepetty]

Because I think it would be really interesting and funny - can you rank the Pit Babe characters on your Alan&Pete scale? I'm curious to see where you're at with some of them lmao. Least to Favorite (though I know who your fave already is, lol).

Only if you want to tho, lol.

@slayerkitty, honestly, this list could just be these two lying bitches:

Big Red is not on this list since he is the big bad, but since I have no idea what the plot actually is, take all of this with a grain of salt. I wrote that I think all of them have superpowers since Big Red was collecting them like X-Men's William Stryker for his super mutant army, so I think Charlie's superpower is mind control, and I think Way's is controlling people's emotions.

WHICH PISSES ME OFF!

Babe was the prized super kid, so I think Big Red is pulling out all the stops to get his trophy racer back including sending all the other super kids to manipulate Babe with their superpowers, so let me rank them from dead-to-me to love-of-my-life:

The One I'm Ready to Box - Charles

Charles keeps moving Barbie's head and body to face him. He never lets Barbie turn away from him. Then, when Barbie is clearly upset, Charles continues to kiss him, which is why I think he his mind controlling Barbie. When his arm was in the sling, Babe could push him away before Charles could start his mind control bullshit. Sometimes, it's noticeable when Babe's face softens, which should come off as sweet like "ah, look how he drops his defenses around Charlie" BUT LOOK AT THE WAY HE DROPS HIS DEFENSES AROUND CHARLIE! Charles doesn't even know how to drive, yet Babe gave him a car. Charlie's dick game may be strong, but mind control is stronger.

10/10 Petes - It's on sight.

The One I'm Disappointed In - Waymond

Waymond had me the first two episodes. I was in his second-lead-syndrome corner, then he flipped the script in the third episode, and now I can't unsee the red flags. In episode four, I noticed twice how he touched Barbie, which prompted a shift in Barbie's demeanor. Much like Charles, I would love to believe that Waymond brings happiness to Babe's life, which is the reason Babe looks less sad when Waymond touches him, but HE LOOKS LESS SAD WHEN WAYMOND TOUCHES HIM! I think Waymond is controlling Babe's emotions, yet Babe still doesn't love him. It's the only saving grace for Waymond. Charles is using his powers to make Barbie love him, but Waymond isn't.

9/10 Alans - I'm gonna yell at him, then punch him.

The One Who Is Obvious - Jeffery

Jeffery is going to be with Alan, so I can't fully hate him since I love Alan. His superpower is apparently seeing the future, which makes sense why he was opposed to touch in the second episode, and that makes him useful in my touch=superpower theory for Charles and Waymond, so I hate him a little less. BUT if he had anything to do with Barbie's car going up in flames, so he could ensure Charles got a racing spot, -murder-

8/10 Petes - One wrong move and I'll end him where he stands.

The One Who Just Sucks - Winifred

Winifred is just a little bitch, but God is he annoying. I don't wanna know what he is saying because I'm sure it's as annoying as his face whining all the time. Only five episodes in, and the man still ain't tired of getting his ass handed to him by Barbie and Kimberly. Whatever he is plotting is dumb. Whatever he is complaining about is stupid. Whatever he is doing is already a failure.

7/10 Alans - I'm gonna push him into a real Christmas Tree, so he'll get scratched up and cry about it.

The One Who Is Gonna Suck - Decanus

Dean has yet to do anything solid, which means he is just waiting to fuck us over. I haven't seen him race or work on a car, so I'm thinking he'll be pissed that Charles is doing all the things he wanted to do, and screw over the entire team regardless of the race's outcome. Jealously makes people do crazy things, but he is going to be with Winner, so homie is going to go full crazy.

6/10 Petes - Anyone who fucks Whiny Winifred deserves to be slapped.

The Ones Who Ain't Loyal - North & Sonic

I simply don't trust them. They are too colorful in a show that's whole visual plot hinges on red versus blue. They need to pick a color. NOW.

5/10 Alans - I'll threaten them on work time, so they'll know I'm not afraid to lose my job if it means I can fight them.

The One Who Is Gonna Kill His Shitty Boss! - Kenta

Why is he still fucking with Big Red?! He would be much higher on this list but when Babe was fighting Big Red (both times), Kenta looked sad. If the flashback wouldn't have just showed Babe as a kid with his dad, I'd think Kenta was his actual brother. The way Babe yelled at him in the parking lot makes me think they have a long history, so I'm hoping once Kenta teams up with Kimberly, he'll be the good guy I know he can be.

4/10 Petes - If he kills his boss, he'll be number one in my heart forever.

The Pretty One - Peter

Pete is like a Lord of the Rings' elf. He is pretty. He is an archer. He is kinda sus. And he is the perfect ally. Much like those beautiful elves, I don't think he joined up with the blue team because he is a kind dude. This is for his own personal gain, which means he must have beef with Big Red; therefore, he has a superpower too. I think he heard Kenta or smelled Kenta's cigarette because Peter didn't turn around until Kenta turned around. He knew Kenta was there. And he sensed Waymond's emotion-changing powers too, so I'm okay with them being together (as long as he punches Waymond too).

3/10 Alans - Watching his every move . . . because I think he is pretty. Not because I think is he bad.

The One Who Will Solve It - Kimberly

Kim is a real one. He presents as red. He works for the reds. He is a red, and isn't ashamed of it. He hasn't faked his color, and in a perfect world, he'd be with Babe. I don't think he has a superpower, but if he did, it would be the power of common sense. He hates his coworker, Winifred, as any sane person would, so he gets the passenger seat in my car. He also got a handshake from Babe, so he already made friends with Babe. They would make a perfect pair. Barbie x Kimberly Ghost Ship is being captained by me.

2/10 Petes - We're frenemies!

The Main One - Barbie

Babe is the title character, and he is being manipulated and controlled by everyone around him, but . . . the boy is un pendejo. The first two episodes, he was a little too macho, and in episode three and four, he was un pendejo. He argued with Kenta when Kenta could have just kidnapped him, then he punched everyone on his way to Big Red's office, which makes no sense to walk directly up to the man who is going all out to get you back. He is in need of a good hug that does NOT lead to sex, and for someone to tell him he is more than his superpower (which is . . . being awesome at everything?).

1/10 Kanghans - I'm upset at him and for him all at once.

The One I Love - Alan

My man has committed no wrongs. He is amazing. He is fantastic. He is beauty. He is grace. He should slap all these fucking liars in the face.

But he won't because he is too pure for this world.

No Petes. No Alans. No Kanghan. Just love.

#pit babe #pit babe the series #trust no one #based off of nothing but vibes and colors #charles is a swipe left #alan is swipe right #and everyone else falls in between

[reality-exodus]

BROKEN PROMISES

CH.2 a way out

Pairing: Jake Donfor x reader

Words: 1.5k

Check out the first chapter on my masterlist

It was over I pondered; this would be my end. The feeling of helplessness seemed to swallow my being, thankfully the common sense was slowly rising from the ocean of the panic that almost dominated my head. Michael Hanson was injured, shot two times by Dan. I stretch my back and I felt the figure behind me disorientating lightly, so I shoved my elbow to his side and I heard a groan and the grip around my neck loosened and I seized the opportunity to stepped away. I saw the man with the mask, it was loose over his head.

He only stared at me and I found myself taking steps backwards, away from him, he didn't react, he only sighed and slowly brought his hand in the back of his neck and gently started to remove the mask. I couldn't believe my eyes as the mask fell to the ground, the man without a face had two faces apparently...

"No" I breathed out.

"I am sorry Nellie" he mumbled and didn't attempt to move.

"You... You are sorry? This is all you have to say?" I yelled at him, I felt tears, I didn't know if it was from anger because I was outsmarted and played, from the betrayal I felt or the hurt... It was Richy, the person who was supposingly helped us get the legend, helped the rest hide. He attacked Jessy, twice... The person he was 'in love' with.

"You were right you know... About everything" He started off ignoring everything I was saying. "About everything pretty much, But you missed one thing. There were three people that night" He started saying and he slowly broke down as he narrated everything he did the past weeks, how he was with the girls the night of the accident, and how he lured Hannah to the Hanson residence. I was left looking at him, speechless. He didn't say anything, he couldn't.

His phone suddenly started to ring. I saw Jessy's picture. "I'd like to see how you will tell her. She was shattered when I told her what I saw happen to you..." I spoke.

"Leave" He stated and I laughed lightly at his demanding tone that seemed to be confident enough. "I was serious about the explosives you know..." he spoke and it felt like a punch in the throat. Jake, I had to reach him first, how could I forget him.

"One last thing..." I spoke "Why my number? Why me?" I asked loudly and he simply shook his head.

His gaze blank as he looked at me, his black eyes weren't cheerful and sweet as the way I had met him, he was dark now. He didn't speak, I walked towards him and pushed him. He took out a knife and placed it under my chin and I stayed still. "I wouldn't waste the few minutes I have left MC" He spoke and once he removed the knife from my neck, I took some steps backwards before finally running off that specific tunnel. I got notification on my phone, to join in Richy and Jessy's call. I was sad, she was crying hysterically her sobs echoing in my head. She definitely didn't deserve this, the hurt in her voice when she realized he marked her and attacked her, I was listening to them as I called Jake's name.

'Who else did you tell about the mine?' Alan asked through a text message. He hadn't realize where I was.

'Why do you ask?' I texted and paused, it sounded important and maybe if I moved the reception would be lost again.

'The FBI just arrived, and I do not think it is for Mrs. Donford...' he replied and I panicked.

"Shit shit shit" I repeated "Jake?" I yelled and texted him as well. My voice echoed as I decided to call him. It was the first time I did so, the circumstances didn't allow the butterflies to fly around, even though I had to admit there were plenty hints of enthusiasm and happiness despite the sticky situation we found ourselves into. A few seconds later I heard the Nokia 2000s ringtone, I couldn't help but giggle. My heart was beating fast and for several seconds I forgot about the explosives and the FBI. He was behind me.

I finished the call without turning around.

"Nellie" spoke Jake, his voice calm but shaky, echoing at the dark alley.

I slowly turned around and faced him, he looked oddly like Hannah in many ways but he also didn't. He was wearing a black hoodie with a star wars emblem and a jacket, I scanned his appearance unintentionally, I only had to take in his vision. He had brown hair, messy.

"What are you doing here? Nellie you said-." He begun to preach me and I simply run and wrapped my arms around his neck only to realize how much taller than me he actually is and more fit than his looks. I could tell he was caught off guard, he slowly wrapped his arms around me and held me close for some moments before a buzz on my phone struck me back on reality.

I pulled away. "Well, there's shitty signal. And I really had to talk to you... for several things that tend to get higher on the number each time I have a notification." I spoke and I saw his confused gaze at me as I was staring up at him. "First things first... Hannah is safe, out of here with Bloomgate." I announced and I saw the relief upon his features and I smiled at him.

"She is safe?" He asked and his voice was bass but soothing. "How about Richy?" Jake asked. I clenched my jaw, he slowly brought his hand on my chin wiping some blood. "You encountered Michael" He realized. "I came here, so I would keep you safe Nellie, so you wouldn't have to undergo even more danger. I can't have you running mindlessly into jeopardy." He spoke and I rolled my eyes. It felt oddly familiar.

"Michael is indeed dead, Richy is behind everything you know. But this doesn't really matter now does it? I mean, Friendly Bureau of Information is here and Richy also mentioned some explosives... and something about only a few minutes. So we can run so you can preach me about my carelessness and thank me about saving your life." I smiled, seeing his struggle to catch up with my sassy babbling, it was oddly satisfying

"We need to get out" Jake spoke and took my hand.

"You think?" I asked as I ran beside him holding his hand just as tight. "FYI we don't have to worry about Richy and Bloomgate" I smiled lightly.

"Oh I only have one fear right now. Trust me it neither of those." He said.

"Care to share your fears Jake?" I panted lightly as he paused the run abruptly looking at his map and I stumbled on his back before stopping myself.

"Left to the shafts." He spoke and took my hand again. "Getting you out of here. I offered to come so you would be safe." Stated Jake. His thoughts were stuck on getting me out of there and to be honest I do not know if this angered me or had me melt.

"Let's just say that I always am a step ahead of you." Said I and winked. I could tell he was mad despite his smile at my expression.

"Of course." He spoke and looked at me with maintaining his smile. Once his gaze was removed his jaw clenched.

We were running, our pants echoing in the narrow tunnels. His flashlight finally reached the ladder when massive sound was heard. I paused and looked behind us to see the rocks falling and a wave of fire approaching. The whole mine shook and we started running from the inevitable. Jake was holding my hand so tight, I felt that he would smash it.  

A/N: Hey there readers thank you for reaching this point. I hope you liked the chapter, there will be more soon. I always appreciate comments (or dms if you are too shy) and impressions good or bad (as long as we are not mean to eachother) as they motivate me to keep going.

Have a good rest of the day or night and dont forget to take care of yourself.

Yours, silvermist

#duskwood #duskwood hannah #duskwood jessy #duskwood dan #duskwood jake #duskwood phil #duskwood richy #duskwood thomas #duskwood everbyte #everbyte studios #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood mc x jake #jake donfort #duskwood jake x player #jessy x mc #jessy hawkins #phil x mc #duskwood alan #alan bloomgate #alan bloomgate x reader #duskwood episode 10

[miss0atae]

It's my random thoughts about Pit Babe the series ep 12:

What can I say? I still have so much fun watching this series. I know there are some loose ends and plot holes, but frankly I don't really care.

▪️ Way saved Pete from Kenta who fled the scene as soon as possible. It was really the episode where Way finally stopped spending all his time drinking and drowning his sorrow. He finally decided to properly apologize to Babe (even if he knew he would not be forgiven) and help everyone take Tony down. He used his power to help get some documents and tried his best to show remorse. I'm still not his best fan but it was a nice change from previous episodes where he was just crying and feeling hopeless. We can thank Pete who helped him a lot.

▪️ Speaking about Pete, this guy really see everyone good side even if they don't show it. He believes Way, still think that Kenta is a good person deep down (which I agree) and do his best to save all children taken by Tony. I still think their plan to do it isn't exactly the best but it works for the series so what should I say?

▪️ Babe really wants to put an end to Tony's actions and he does everything to get it. He didn't want to forgive Way, but to have his end goal happen, he accepted him in the team. When Way asked him if one day they could go back to how their relationship was, he wasn't entirely against it. He simply told him, it wouldn't happen soon but they might get there. Even if he is still really sad over Charlie supposed-death, he is poised and ready to fight no matter what. Babe is impressive.

▪️ Jeff was captured by Kenta to be sold to the new auction, since every special child Tony had, disappeared or is fighting against him. What is the point of seeing the future, if you can't save yourself from being kidnapped?! I know they told us, he can't really control his power but it's very unfortunate he couldn't this time. I was impressed about how calm he was.

▪️ Alan was trying is best to find him and was helped by his "family" (Can we say that Pit Babe is a BL type version of Fast & Furious ?). North and Sonic have always been helping him but I'm glad we saw Kim. Even if I get two minutes of him, I'm happy. I'm attached to this character. By the end of the episode, Alan saved Jeff. The power of love... always here when you need it. I only have one question: Why did they leave the children behind? Is there a good reason?

▪️ Finally, I'll talk about Kenta... It's been several episode where Kenta was abused by Tony and this one was no exception. I feel so sad for this man. He truly believed Tony was his father but unfortunately Tony never saw him as his child because he is not "special". It broke my heart to see Kenta kneeling and begging Tony. I wish he would understand how he could be loved and treated well if he just stopped helping him and leave! I hope in the next episode he will be free from Tony. He must be saved like the other children taken by Tony.

▪️ Oh and of course, we all knew the man who helped Charlie and Jeff is Babe's father. Anyone was surprised?!

▪️ Charlie also saved Babe in the last two minutes of this episode. and we'll get the reunion we were hoping between them, in the next one. It's a happy ending guaranteed. I just feel like 13 episodes is too light to tight up everything. Why didn't they make 14? Is there a good reason for this choice?

Anyway, Friday will feel empty when this series will end.

#my thoughts #thai series #thai bl #bl drama #bl series #random thoughts #pit babe the series #pit babe #Kim it's always nice to see you! #They need to save Kenta #It's unbearable to see him always being mistreated by Tony #I didn't talk about Winner but he is so annoying #Can't wait to see Babe's reaction about Charlie's resurrection and when he will see his father again #spoilers #episode 12 #the power of love

[elennemigo]

"A machine is different from a person. Hence, they think differently. The interesting question is, just because something, uh... thinks differently from you, does that mean it's not thinking? Well, we allow for humans to have such divergences from one another. You like strawberries, I hate ice-skating, you cry at sad films, I am allergic to pollen. What is the point of... different tastes, different... preferences, if not, to say that our brains work differently, that we think differently?"

@paletmblr event xii: Benedict Cumberbatch as Alan Turing | The Imitation Game, 2014. [pride]

Alan Mathison Turing (23 June 1912 – 7 June 1954)

#the imitation game #benedict cumberbatch #alan turing #benedictcumberbatchedit #paletmblr12 #paletmblr #filmedit #filmgifs #moviegifs #perioddramaedit #userfilm #fyeahmovies #cinematv #cinemapix #userbbelcher #userrobin #nessa007 #underbetelgeuse #userdiana #elegifs

[panelshowsource]

could you make a post about all the books from comedians you own/have ordered and which are your favorites I want to buy all of them but don't know where to start ++++++++ would love to know if you know of a way to order a signed copy of David's book if I don't live in the UK

you know, in a stroke of what may be relevant information, i'm actually an editorial director by day and even used to be a literary agent here in nyc — none of which is obvious on account of my billion rushed typos and...just...general existence :) (i promise i'm supremely carefully handed in my editing!!! and have a lot of resources, at my job hahahahaha oh god maybe i shouldn't have mentioned this!!!) — but i'm really no book critic and have no idea how my tastes stack up against what a lot of you are looking for. i'm happy to share some of my general, poorly articulated internet thoughts but it may be more worth checking out goodreads or talking with others who have more experience with autobiographies (which a majority of these types of books are)!

to begin with a disclaimer, one of my friends texted me recently, "why do you only watch sad movies?" i love sad films, sad music, i love to cry, catharsis, sentimentality which is always a little self-indulgent. it's a bit ironic, because this is a comedy blog and you guys know me as someone who loves to find things to laugh about and i fill my life with so much silliness through his huge, life-long hobby, but, all the same, that is only one side of me, i guess. i'm saying this now because you're about to hear me talk briefly about a few somewhat-to-incredibly sad books and be like "oh i didn't know this what i was getting into" 😅

books i do recommend:

just ignore him by alan davies — this isn't a book review but i am self-conscious about just how i describe this book, because it's so sensitive and i carry a lot of respect for alan. at the time of publication, alan actually didn't want any of the press to know and/or discuss the most tragic elements of the book, so readers wouldn't be influenced in any direction before confronting it themselves. (it's okay to talk about now of course, and anyone should know there are major trigger warnings for death, child abuse, sexual abuse, and pedophilia.) it is a sad book about his earliest years: the complexities and nuances of male power and manipulation, of unimaginable loneliness, of a lost child. alan said it wasn't cathartic to write—that is was indeed very painful—but the vulnerability, the commitment to shirking himself of the painful silence he endured for most of his life, is exceptionally moving. alan's writing can be quite thorough, even flowery, in creating vivid places and images, so so much of the heaviness feels piercing and even disturbing. if you read other comedians' books, a decent majority of them are written in the style of standup or, say, a ted talk — with performance in mind, specific structures and beats that mimic how they'd tell these stories on stage. i would argue this is quite different to that, that while the writing is in a style and structure that benefits being read aloud this is a very different alan to alan the performer. and, very honestly, i'm really not an audiobook person, not to mention listening is a wholly different experience to reading — but the audiobook for this is phenomenal: alan narrates and, while of course it's his story so he'll tell it best, he is a very gentle, thoughtful storyteller. this will be you by chapter 4:

moab is my washpot + fry chronicles by stephen fry — the first and second of his three autobiographies covering some of the most sensational times (stephen is willing to admit) of his childhood and teen years + his rise to fame through the cambridge footlights. these are good reads for 1) stephen fry fans duh and 2) people who can enjoy the inspiration of auden, waugh, wilde, wodehouse, quintessential english writers who inform the foundation of stephen's relationship with literature and appreciation. stephen is painfully honest — and often sorry for it, apologising for what he perceives to be his shortcomings — and you can't help but feel, even early on in the first book, that his view of his own world is somehow even more subjective than everyone else's views of their own worlds. maybe it's because he's so judgmental, maybe it's his oscillating mental health, maybe it's the shocking thrust with which he was confronted with the wideness of the world...i'm not sure, but stephen's life through stephen's eyes is so very stephen-y. i think that's why we love him‚ though i can see some people loathing the less admirable sides of him, which he does show, so don't read this if you want to maintain some image of him that helps you cope or keeps you perfectly entertained. if you're not british, the fry chronicles is an especially good read to scratch some of your anglophilic interests (lotsss of namedropping and backstage chat)!

delicacy: a memoir about cake and death by katy wix — one of my recent faves and another book that isn't thoroughly funny. told in 21 vignettes either centered around or vaguely related to cake, katy talks about her school life, grief and loss, self-esteem and body image, misogyny — in ways that are just...matter of fact...opposed to lessons learned or things she's working on through therapy. she's accepted a lot, but she's also afflicted by a lot to this day; she's capably honest about where her reality stands. for this reason, it can be a bleak and certainly very raw read. i listened to the audiobook for this one, which was nice, but i much recommend the actual written book as the vignettes are in different formats (short story prose, letters, email exchanges) that often anchor time and place, intention, even the little peeks of light of comedy. katy's writing is very lovely, both my heart and mind were touched.

back story by david mitchell — a mildly vulnerable, moderately insightful, and quite humorous exploration of david's up-and-coming years. i really appreciate the premise — due a bad back and sciatica, he begins taking very long walks every day, and these walks trigger memories and anecdotes as he passes certain places — that really doesn't come off as a gimmick. it's a very easy read (or listen) and what i'd consider an uncomplicated, unproblematic bio, but it would be difficult to enjoy if you're only a casual fan of david mitchell or only like him in his most recent dad years, as it was written in his peep show heyday and is so much about those years of his life, his relationship with robert webb, etc. a good intro-to-the-genre book and the very first britcom book i read way back in 2010!

i also really enjoy graham norton's books — especially for the goss, but he's a great writer and his debut fiction novel got quite good reviews! — and tim key's books of poetry, though you really need to be a fan of tim key to read tim key :')

books i do not recommend:

before & laughter by jimmy carr — this book is much less of an autobiography (details are scant and anecdotes are few; it's cute when he refers to karoline as "my girl") and much more a collection of 1) jimmy's interpretation of contemporary comedy and what it means to be a comedian, and 2) how that journey, and his evolving attitudes, shaped him + became advice he would offer to others. this is why he calls the book adjacent to self help & motivational speaking. i don't think it teaches you anything new about him — literally or as an writer — so i don't recommend reading it, though the audiobook (where he's truly performing the writing like a ted talk) is an easy listen. a lot of people will not understand that jimmy is overwhelmingly sincere in regards to all of the topics and personal philosophies the jimmy nearing 50 espouses. he's someone with very studied, thorough personal philosophies (if you've seen him on podcasts talking about his life and career then you'll know just what i mean) and he explains them deftly, but they can feel a bit...how should i say this...flat to people who have heard a lot of it before, in hollywood movies or from their own parents or wherever. he didn't write this just for another stream of income — he is passionate about these conversations and that counts for something. overall i already knew a bit about the guy and didn't need this.

my shit life so far by frankie boyle — i have never read one of frankie's fiction novels (crime is really not my thing, so someone needs to let me know if richard osman's book series is a smash because i'm only going to check them out if i'm convinced to), but as a long-time fan of his, knowing how much of a wordsmith he is, and how intentional he is in everything he says, i was surprised by how dull i found this. his shit life was just that — uninteresting, meandering. his anecdotes may have worked better aloud than on paper, but they didn't grab me. you learn a bit about his young adulthood, but like jimmy he's intensely private and i could feel that distance between us even while reading an autobiography. it didn't work for me, super sad about it :(

can everyone please calm down? by mae martin — instead of criticising this book, i'd rather just make a disclaimer or two. if you are already engaged in queer discourses and dialogues, you are not going to learn very much from this book. both the descriptive writing and presentation of research is "accessible" to the point i'd call it more adjacent to YA than adult literature; if you prefer more creative, complicated, and/or signature writing styles, this book is not for you. if you are a big fan of mae martin and would appreciate an overview of their journey on the identity spectrum (going so far as to even rejecting it, in some capacities) in one place, then this may be convenient — but even then, at this point, it's somewhat outdated. imo a well-intention skip.

phil wang and tom allen are two more i think don't convince me with their writing, but i'm still making my ways through a couple of books and could probably talk more about this later!

i have never made this kind of non-fiction bio a priority on my long reading list, so i still have a lot of exploring and catching up to do, but i'm finding that i do prefer the books that explore the events of comedian's past as well as those that walk the reader through experiences in the comedy & tv industries. there are a lot of books about mental health and identity, which may be more of what many of you are looking for (sara pascoe, fern brady, jon richardson, and more).

okaY PHEW SORRY i always type too much 😒

first, as for david mitchell's new book, you can order it signed from waterstones as they ship to the usa — and it's currently half off!!!!! if you want to buy it unsigned from a usa retailer amazon is cheapest and target & bookshop are the cheapest non-amazon options :) an audiobook is coming out as well, so i do believe i will be able to add that to googledrive before too long, but no guarantees on a good time frame!

you can go here to download any of the ebooks & audiobooks i have on my googledrive!

#a #long post