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astarionancuntnin · 17 days

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Undisclosed Desires (Chapter 2)

summary: its the day after you and astarion indulged in each other's embrace. it shouldve been a once done deal, nothing more, but that last night ended with you questioning your feelings for the pale elf. you struggle to come to terms with those and the day might prove more difficult as you get trapped alone with him in a secluded dungeon

or in short:

rating: E

word count: 4k

pairing: astarion x you (afab!reader (she/her pronouns used), sorceress tav)

cw: 18+. smut, porn with little-to-no plot, karlach gets hurt for the sake of the porn (shes doing her part o7), denial of feelings, sexual tension through the roof, dom!tav/reader, teasing, dry humping, begging, ear licking, vampire bites, kinda praise kink, sorta breeding kink, your honor- theyre both brat switches fighting to top the other.

a/n: at long last, chapter 2! i had so much fun with the dialogues, i hope you enjoy them as much as i did uwu. also, inspo song at the beginning is the same as chapter 1, but a different part of the song, and end of chapter song is a different one (that i linked at the end). let me know how you feel about the dynamic in this chapter 👀

previous chapter

read on ao3

or keep reading down below ~

I shut my eyes

You call but I just cut the line

I know your style

I know that you want one more night

And I'm backsliding

Into this just one more time

You wake up this morning to the sound of your companions talking nearby. Instinctively, you reach for the spot next to you, only to find it empty. Figures. If it wasn’t for the aching pain in your muscles and the dizziness of your mind, you’d think what happened last night was just a dream.

The way Astarion had ravaged your body, how feral he was, the taste of him on your lips, how he felt between your legs…

Instinctively, you rub your thighs together, chasing the feeling from the previous night. You already feel that warmth between your legs as a result of those memories flooding back to you. You hear laughing outside your tent and it brings you back to the present moment ; your companions are probably waiting for you.

You quickly push aside any thoughts of him and reach for your clothes to get dressed up for the day. You take some time to prepare for what your companions have to say about the sounds that came from your tent last night. They had to have heard.

As you take your first step outside, Karlach is the first to greet you.

“Hey Soldier! Slept well? Doubt it was restful but it looks like you had the time of your life!” She nudges you.

“You can say that again! Those screams made me believe she was dying in there!” Shadowheart shouts, sitting near the campfire, before her and Karlach start laughing.

You feel yourself turn redder after each remark. Hells, I didn’t realize how loud I was.

“It did sound… intense. Are you sure you’re alright?” Wyll speaks up, more worried about you.

You lift your blushing face which was hiding in shame between your hands. “Oh, yeah no, I’m fine just- um,” you turn to Shadowheart, “Can I ask you to cast lesser restoration on me, please?”

She looks at you puzzled, “Can’t you cast it on yourself?”

“The only thing I wanna cast on myself at this very moment is eldritch blast, now, can you please cast the damn spell?”

“So much for the ‘great sorceress with limitless talents’,” she mocks you, reminding you of the very words you used back when you introduced yourself to her.

“SHADOW.”

“Fine, fine,” she scoots over the log, making space for you. “Come here, I’ll take care of you.”

You walk over to her and you sigh as you sit down, completely slouched over.

“Gods, he really did a number on you, huh,” she casts lesser restoration and you straighten up, instantly feeling much better.

“Yeah, you should see the other guy,” you say, smiling, proud to have gained back your wits.

“Speaking of,” Wyll interjects. “We haven’t seen him all morning. We fully expected him to come out of your tent.”

“Huh, I did wake up alone,” you confess. “I just assumed he went back to his tent.”

“Heh! Maybe he’s still in there recuperating from your night together!” Karlach shouts, before laughing some more.

“Alright, alright, I’ll go check up on him,” you roll your eyes as you get up to walk towards his tent.

You’re glad it’s placed far enough from the campfire to be out of your friend’s sights. You didn’t want to give them more ideas if they saw you with the vampire this morning. You call out his name before opening the flap of his tent, only to reveal it to be empty.

“Looking for something?”

You slightly jump, as if you were caught doing something you shouldn’t have, and quickly turn around to face him.

“Gods, you startled me.”

He walks towards you, shirtless, with his hair still damp from his morning bathing and his trousers hanging loosely around his hips.

“Terribly sorry dear, I would never do this to you intentionally.”

His little smile is unnerving. Your heartbeat quickens, and you frown at yourself; You can’t allow yourself to falter this early in the day. You take a deep breath, your way to gain back control over yourself.

“We’re almost ready to leave, so I came looking for you,” you try to look elsewhere but you’re mesmerized by his sight.

“Well, here I am now. Can I… help you with something?”

He raises his hand and strokes your cheek gently with the back of it, his face dangerously getting near yours. You feel your face burning hotter and it takes everything in you to push yourself away from him.

“We should really go, just– get dressed. I’ll uh, I’ll wait for you around the campfire with the others.”

You turn around completely flustered and walk back to your companions.

“Again?!” Karlach exclaims as she sees the state you’re in. “At this rate, you’ll turn redder than me!”

You wanna crawl into the depths of the hells and never come back up.

—

Today’s quest brings you to a secluded dungeon. Your findings from the previous days led you there in search for more information about an artifact you previously found throughout your adventure. If you’re correct, you should find here what’s missing for it to work. Now the only thing left to do is actually finding that missing piece.

With a swift flick of his wrist, Astarion opens the door to the lower grounds. As the door opens, you’re greeted by damp air and a musty smell. The place is dusty and covered in spiderwebs. Whatever you’re looking for must be here judging by the fact that no one has been down here in ages. You all walk in and notice that the place is a damned maze filled with countless rooms. You split up from the group, starting the search on your own, and the first room you walk in greets you with an absurdly obvious trap. You sigh, discouraged, as you fall back against the wall next to the entrance. Guess I won’t be able to avoid him much longer.

“Astarion? A hand?!” Your voice echoes through the hallways, followed by the sound of his footsteps.

He makes his way towards you nonchalantly, “You called, dear?”

“Can you take care of this?” You point towards the device.

He leans over you, his arms caging you between him and the wall, “I could, if you were to ask nicely.” His face hovers dangerously close to you, you can feel his cold breaths ghosting over your lips. It would be so easy to just tilt your head up and close the gap… No, you can’t let him win this. Last night was just a mutual agreement. An exchange of sorts. Nothing more, nothing less.

You cross your arms over your chest, creating some distance between the two of you, “Don’t push your luck.”

“Oh well, I assume you know how to deal with such an intricate mechanism then, if you’re so much better than I am?”, he wears his typical shit-eating grin.

You roll your eyes and step over your pride, “Fine. Can you please disarm this trap so we can carry on?”

“See? Now, was that so hard?” He gives you a playful look before getting to work.

You stand next to him as he fickles with the machinery when you hear a loud commotion from afar.

“FUCK!”

You recognize the voice from your fiery friend and waste no time running towards the source of her scream, only to find her in a terrible state with Shadowheart kneeling next to her. Her leg is barely recognizable. Whatever got her rendered her unable to fight from now on.

“What happened?!”

“Godsdamned trap got me, shit!” She keeps groaning in pain.

“Alright, Shadowheart, do you think you can take care of her wounds?”

“I can stabilize her, but she won’t be able to carry on with her injuries, we need to head back to camp as soon as possible so I can tend to her,” she explains.

“Okay, okay,” your eyes wander between your friends as you’re thinking of a solution. “Yeah, okay, you’re right, I’m not risking Karlach’s life on this,” the cleric nods in agreement, “But we can’t back track now. Who knows what else this trap triggered, it might’ve alarmed someone. We are so close to finding the answer, I can't risk letting it slip past us.”

Shadowheart raises as she’s about to argue but you cut her off, “Don’t worry, I still believe you two should head to the camp. Astarion and I will carry on.” You feel Shadowheart’s glare of disapproval. “I swear we’ll be careful and we’ll run back to you guys should we encounter a situation that's too much for us.” You try to reassure your friend.

“Oooooooo, keeping Fangs all to yourself?” Karlach never missed an opportunity to tease you, even when in insufferable pain. You could respect that.

“Oh please, if it were up to me, he would be the one in that trap.”

“Rude,” Astarion remarks from behind you. You can’t help the smirk creeping up on your face.

“Fine,” the half-elf frowns in resignation. “We’ll head back– but don’t do anything stupid.”

“We wouldn’t dream of it,” Astarion adds sarcastically, as the two walk away.

With half of your party gone, you lose no time continuing your research. You didn’t want to spend any more time than necessary with half the manpower in unknown territory. You pass a few halls and rooms, each containing an absurd amount of traps for what little they were hiding, slowly getting discouraged from your lack of findings, when you hear rumble afar.

You both still, listening to the sounds, when you realize they are making their way towards you.

“Hide!”, you barely whisper.

Before he can react, you roughly drag Astarion with you in the next open room and slam the door behind you. You acted faster than you could think ; the sound of the door was loud and the footsteps are now getting faster and louder. You try to remain calm to avoid drawing any more attention than necessary when you see the expression change on your companion’s face, followed by him yelling.

“What in the sweet hells is wrong with–!”

You don’t give him time to finish his sentence as you push him against the stone wall by his waist with the force of your whole body, while your other hand covers his mouth. You stare intensely into his eyes and mouth a “shh”, as silent as you can, to convey the urgency for him to shut up as the rumble of the footsteps get even closer to your location. He blinks rapidly and nods, understanding your motion, but brings his hand up to remove yours from his mouth. You hear the footsteps stop nearby and your heart pounding in your chest as your breathing stills. Your eyes dart towards the door, anxiety building up in your chest. Anything could be outside. You cannot risk getting into a fight you couldn’t handle. Against his own good, Astarion speaks up yet again.

“Let’s just kill–”

And you shut him up, again.

This time, with a kiss.

It’s a surprise to both of you. It was sudden, instinctive. You’re not sure what took over you, but at this moment, it seemed to be the best course of action. You stay motionless for a moment before pulling away, slowly. You hear the sounds outside your room getting further away and you finally breathe out in relief. He looks at you with an annoying smile painted over his face.

You notice him observing you. “You really need to learn when to shut up,” you say, a poor excuse to try and justify your actions, as a blush takes place over your cheeks.

His lidded eyes observe your lips before making eye contact again, “And you think you know better?”

“I know I do,” you frown slightly.

He keeps smiling, that damn annoyingly confident smile. “I’m afraid you’ll have to teach me, then. I’ve been known to be awfully loud.”

You scoff. The audacity of this man.

Initially, that first kiss was never supposed to lead to anything else. It was spontaneous, a means to an end, just like your last night spent together. Anything to stop him from talking, whatever would save you from being found. But you couldn’t deny the feelings that fluttered in your stomach, the butterflies in your chest.

He continues, his words dripping with sarcasm, “I’m sure a sorceress of your expertise must have some way to silence a noisy rogue like myself.”

You realize then : all along, you didn’t hate him, you hated the fact that you were attracted to him, to that damn attitude of his. Truth is, you couldn’t have enough of that banter between the two of you. Every morning, that was the thing you were looking forward to. There was no denying yourself anymore ; you chased the feeling of arguing with this overblown, pretentious asshole. You wanted him, in more ways than one, and in any way he would offer himself to you.

“I can think of a few tricks,” you lean over him the same way he did you earlier, your faces barely an inch apart.

“Try me,” his voice is barely a whisper by now.

You let your feelings guide your next move as you pull him in by the collar of his armor, crashing your lips against his. If he saw this as a game, you intended to win. As the kiss depends, you’re taken back to that scenario you played in your head the night before, prior to Astarion’s visit.

At the next corner, you would’ve pushed him by the waist against the nearest wall and shut his pretty mouth up.

Your kiss started out rough, but it quickly became passionate, it engulfed both of you into a world of your own. His hands roamed up your back and down your waist, pulling you in closer, reaching for more contact. Your sorcerer robe allowed for you to feel how tightly he grabbed you and yet, it didn’t feel like enough. You wished for nothing more than having your skin being ravished by his touch.

You would’ve taken the chance to let one of your hands roam through his silky smooth, curly hair, pulling it enough to get a moan out of him.

Oh, and how soft it was. Freshly washed from this morning, his curls felt like silk through your fingers. You let your hands linger in his hair, combing through it, before lightly pulling it back. He groans in your mouth as a response, not parting from your lips just yet, and you smile through it.

How you would’ve parted his legs with your own, and grinded against his crotch, feeling his growing bulge.

You easily push yourself between his legs and grind against him. He pulls back from your kiss then, gasping in surprise. With the threat outside the room being long gone, you welcomed any noise you would get out of him. You feel his cock getting harder against your leg and you keep rubbing him up and down, creating more pressure over his member. He rests his head on your shoulder, breathing hard, his hold on you getting tighter.

“Hells, darling, I didn’t think you had it in you,” he pants.

“Mmh, seems like I’ve got a lot more to teach you then.”

You reach for your trousers under your robe, letting them fall down after loosening your belt, before reaching for his, pulling them down just low enough to expose his cock which is already leaking with pre-come. He hisses when you grab a hold of him, your mere touch sending shivers down his spine.

You smirk at the visible reaction he has to you, feeling powerful over him. Such a contrast compared to your last night tryst. This time, you were guiding this dance.

You guide him towards your entrance, only to grind yourself over him. He slides so easily between your wet folds and you can’t help the moan escaping your lips. The friction over your clit is nothing short of euphoric. You swing your hips back and forth, coating his length with your arousal, as he holds onto your waist for dear life. You grab his face and pull him closer so your foreheads touch, then take a moment to admire the mess you’re making of him, and by the Gods, what a pretty mess he was. His parted lips, gasping between each stroke you would allow him, his eyes fluttering open, lost in the feeling of your thighs squeezing him, his roughed up curls from the sweat building up on his forehead.

He was beautiful.

You feel him moving on his own, trying to change positions so he has more control, but it's not something you will allow this time. You take his hands from your waist and push them against the wall he was leaning against, never stopping the rhythm you had going on.

“What do you think you're doing?” Your voice is coated with desire.

“Please, let me in,” he begs.

“Do you think you deserve it?”, you say, playfully.

“Gods, I– yes, yes I do!”, he whines.

“Beg more.”

“What?! I will not–”, before he can finish his sentence, you reach for his ear with your tongue and give it a lick from the base to the tip. “Mmmgh ah, fuck–”

“What was that?” You nibble on his ear.

“I– Ah–,” his entire resolve crumbles. “Please, love, I need you please,” he begs again, his voice faltering.

You continue to lick and nibble on his ear. “See? Now, was that so hard?” you tease, using his own words against him.

“Oh, you little– ah–!”

You cut him off as you raise your leg to hook it to his hips allowing you for a better angle as you push him inside you slowly. You’re so wet from teasing him that he slides in without any resistance.

You throw your head back, taking in the feeling of him filling you, and at the vision of your exposed neck, Astarion leans in the crook of your neck, bared fangs scratching the spot he previously fed from you. You feel his cold breath along with the wetness of his tongue, lapping at your healed wound. You sense what he wants to do and although you crave it and you would let him do it, you don’t wanna give in so easily.

You stop all motion and with him buried deep inside of you, your hand lingering in his hair grabs a handful of curls to pull him back, away from your prized neck, holding him in place.

He growls insistently, his true nature coming back to him.

“Give me one good reason,” you tug harder.

Through his ragged breath, he smiles playfully, “I just wanted a snack for the road.”

“You drank last night, you don’t need it,” your tone comes out raspy and aggressive despite your enjoyment of the situation.

“But you want this,” he pauses, watching your reaction. Your answer isn’t spoken, as much as it’s seen : your chest rises higher with each panting breath you take, your eyes flutter, drunk on lust, and your core is dripping wet, your combined fluids leaking against your leg. “Don't you?” He knows both of you know it's a fight for control.

You thrust roughly, once, to reassert your position over him, making him whimper. “And just what makes you think that?”

He locks eyes with you, a grin painting over his face. “You seemed to enjoy it last time.”

“Hardly.”

“My dear, you can deny it all you want, but I can read you like an open book.”

You hated how he always managed to have the last word. One day, you tell yourself, It’ll be me. But for now…

“Shut up and bite me.”

The second you let go of your grasp in his hair, Astarion dives in the nook of your neck, plunging his fangs in your pulsating vein. You cry out at the sharp sting you feel and once the initial pain settles in, you pick back up the rhythm you had earlier, making the elf groan as he drinks you in. He was right, his bites had the effect of an aphrodisiac on you. You would never tell him though, his ego was inflated enough as is, admitting it would only make him more insufferable than he already is.

His hold on you became tighter and the more he drank, the less your strength allowed you to keep your position, but the build up down your stomach only grew. You didn't want to falter so close to the end.

“Astarion…” you warn him.

He growls against your neck and takes one last sip of your liquid gold before removing his fangs from you, licking off the new wound he created to clean you up. That's something else you could appreciate from the vampire ; no matter how selfish you found him, he did seem to respect the boundaries you established. He would absolutely push all of your buttons but when it came to sex he seemed more attentive, responsive. You never wanted to fall for him, but your heart had other plans.

You cross your arms around his neck, closing any remaining distance between your two bodies and with all the energy left in you, you thrust harder, and faster, letting yourself get lost in the overwhelming feeling he provided between your legs. Now that you had experienced him once, you craved getting filled up by him, only him, as much as possible, as much as he wanted to. You wanted to be his.

“Darling, I’m close–”

“Come, let go for me,” you breathe in his ear before licking him again. “You’re so pretty when you come inside me.”

Your last words combined with the stimulation you’ve given him trigger his collapse in your arms. He grasps your hips vigorously, pulling you flush against him, allowing him to unload himself deep inside of your womb. You fall over the edge shortly after, drinking in the feeling of his semen filling you up. You fantasized constantly about being filled to the brim by him. Used over and over again, leaking from his seed, the act merely done to defile you in his image. You clench around his length, your legs shaking as you picture yourself overflowing with his come and ride out the wave of electrifying pleasure that courses through you.

As you come down from your high and let your leg down, you reach for something to grab a hold of so as to not completely fall over. Astarion had completely slouched over the wall you fucked him over, he was not an option. The nearest thing that seemed solid enough was an empty torch holder placed right next to the door which you grab without second thoughts. The last thing you expected was for it to pull down as you grabbed it. Even less that it opened a secret trap door in the middle of the room, from which a pillar came out of. You stay in place for a moment, piecing together what just happened, with Astarion making eye contact with you, just as puzzled as you were.

Before you now stands an altar with a very clearly placed piece of dark metal, shaped strangely like the pattern you remember being described in the previous document you found. You put your trousers back on, dismissing the mess between your legs, and grab the missing piece, connecting it to the artifact you held, to see it click in place.

“No fucking way.”

Astarion smirks, as if he was responsible for your discovery, proud of himself, “Wouldn’t have found that out with Karlach now, would you?”

He will never let you live this down.

When you're around me, I'm radioactive

My blood is burning, radioactive

I'm turning radioactive

My blood is radioactive

My heart is nuclear

Love is all that I fear

#my posts #my writing #bg3 #astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion x you #bg3 smut #bg3 fanfiction #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #baldur's gate 3 #astarion smut #self insert #bg3 fanfic #smut #Spotify

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dootdootwriting · 2 years

Note

Hello! Could I possibly request Scaramouche (if you writing for him if not then Xiao) where he has gn s/o (if your cool with gn) that has a horrible habit of constantly getting into fights with random people (treasure hoarders, samurai, the tenyrou commission, etc.), that are 100% on purpose just to show off to Scara douche (or Xiao) how cool they are. Who actually wins those fights is completely up to you though.

~Have a lovely day :)

i will do BOTH these boys and aditionally tighnari because ummmm sumeru characters my loves <333 (requests are now OPEN for characters from the new sumeru quest(s)!!)

ahaha.... guess i have to make a sumeru header now too pairing: scaramouche, xiao, tighnari x reader (separate) tw: swearing, light injury type: fluff, established relationship, sfw! pronouns used: none in scara/xiao, they/them in tighnari's a/n: i'm back lmao (￣▽￣*)ゞ sorry for being away for so long i had to go have a hot boy summer. hcs under the cut as always!

SCARAMOUCHE

first of all, hates that you think you have to prove yourself to him. he takes it as an offense to him because he thinks that you think that he didn't pick a worthy partner

he's overthinking. you're just trying to show off

secretly finds it REALLY hot, but won't admit it until he's dead and buried

he's a little annoyed because obviously you don't win every battle and then he has to pick you up and have his guys take care of whoever was your target this week

he also secretly likes taking care of you when you lose

"hey, scara, didn't you see that move i pulled back there?? i totally knocked that asshole down. didja see??"

"i saw him kick your ass afterwards"

"but i was cool right?"

"you lost. nobody who lost can claim they're cool, idiot."

but you look down at him as he's bandaging up your twisted ankle and you can tell he's trying (and failing) to suppress his smile, with a light blush on his face

XIAO

he's so worried. hes SO WORRIED

you're the person most important to him (tied with zhongli) and he does everything in his power to protect you.

AND YOU JUST GO FIGHT PEOPLE ON SIGHT???

horrifying

he comes off as prickly and rude when he tells you off for fighting, but he's really just worried (｡•́︿•̀｡)

"please stop that.... you really have to be more careful"

he trusts you, but he also doesn't want to lose you. he means well

"but wasn't i so cool out there? i can take care of myself, you know."

"i know that. just cut it out."

he genuinely does care. and you can tell this because whenever he scolds you he flushes just a bit and turns his head away

give him a little kiss on the head and he flushes even more

you just gotta hold him close and remind him that you're okay. he leans into it for a while and eventually protests, but he really does enjoy it

whenever you go challenge another opponent he makes sure to wait close by just in case you get hurt

TIGHNARI

subtly proud of you

he's glad you're confident enough in yourself to go fight everyone, and is quick to diffuse the situation if your opponent gets too riled up

"please excuse my partner. sometimes they don't understand when to stop."

treats any wounds you get and is gently stern with you while he does

"i'm aware you just want to show off, but please don't put your life on the line so easily. you're actually very important to me."

HELLO??? damn bro (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

he's always very lighthearted when you lose, reassuring that you'll get the next one, etc

and when you win, he hypes you up. occasionally gets a little off the hook and says things like "DID YA SEE THAT? YOU'LL NEVER BEAT THEM!"

makes your opponents mad. oops. time to run

grabs your hand, gives you a little kiss, and then you're OUTTA THERE

#scaramouche x reader #xiao x reader #tighnari x reader #genshin x reader #genshin #genshin impact #xiao #scaramouche #tighnari #the balladeer #scaramouche hcs #xiao hcs #tighnari hcs #gn! reader

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redstarsandnightmares · 4 months

Text

Okay. Now that I've gotten some sleep, I can make a proper post.

I know I'm new to the RP side of Tumblr, it was nice to come back to a hobby that I hadn't touched in over a decade. I had forgotten how rewarding and all consuming it is.

In the last several months you guys have put up with me through some super high highs and super low lows and I can't thank all of you enough. Gonna pinpoint some people but if I don't mention you specifically I'm sorry! <3

I'm not going to crosspost this to all of my pages, just on this one, so if you're wondering why you're getting tagged over here I just dont feel like re-posting this a million times.

@brooklynbred/@sheshootsxruns/@wiidowbiit/every single other one of your blogs - My life is better for having you in it, pup. I wasn't expecting a half hearted attempt to keep myself busy to bring me someone that I care so much about but....here you are. I know things have been rough lately in both of our lives...but as long as we've got each other, we'll get though it, y'know? Love you bunches. <3

@ghostofwinter - We've had a weird few months, huh? You were one of the first people to come at me arms wide open when I popped up on this scene not knowing where to start. We've had our ups and downs but I love you dearly regardless. Here's to more threads soon, yeah? It's a new year. Let's embrace that.

@little-blog-of-horrors - The *other* person who as the first on the scene when I showed up. I miss our massive threads, I really do. I know life has done nothing but deal you a shitty hand lately and I wish I could give you all the hugs and take away all the ick. Consider this me givving you the biggest hug on the planet and I'll be here when you're ready to dive back into posting all the posts again. In the meantime, I'll see you in Vallanor.

@hailhydrasheads - Our goofy ass thread has been a saving grace when I needed it, I thank you dearly for putting up with my madness. Sometimes ours was the only thing I felt like answering. Thanks for reminding me of a ship I had only bounced around in the back of my head. It has me in a vice grip now and it's your fault.

@zemothethirteenth - I couldn't ask for a better writing partner AND friend. Seriously. You intimidated the hell out of me when we first started writing with you but I'm *so glad* that we are where we are now. You're amazing and have been there to listen to me when I desperately needed a logical ear to kick me in the ass and I thank you for it. You push me to be a better writer on the daily.

@resignedworkaholics - We have so many threads and I'm so proud of every single one of them. I love that we just keep throwing crazy shit at each other and seeing what sticks. I don't think I have anyone on here that I have as much fun with as our random gremlin chaos. <3

To the rest of my silly ass discord, you guys have gotten me through life this fall and winter and I wouldn't know what to do without you. Seriously. I have never had a "group" that I fit in so well with and I'm so glad ya'll didn't run from me when I threw myself at you. You guys are amazing. (@twxtches, @kissedbymischief, @cyberneticasset, @pleinsdemuses, @iwillbreathe, @itasedhim)

@scarsmasked - <3 I can't give you more hugs than I already have on discord, but consider this one more. Thanks for trusting me. You didn't have to, but you did, and I'm the better for it. I hope I can keep dragging you out of your shell, you deserve to be happy in your own space and on your own blog and I'll be damned if I don't do my best to help you find that safety. I can't wait to indulge this ship with you, truly.

@redxinmyledger - Thank you for putting up with my slow ass. Our thread is amazing!

@abcdefghijklmnopqrstucky - We haven't known each other long, but thank you for keeping me spice-fueled. You're a phenom friend and I'm glad we have gotten to write together.

@blackxskyx - I know our threads have been a little slow going but I enjoy them *so damn much!* I can't wait to dig more into them.

@shieldagentnatasharomanoff - Thanks for not bolting when I told you I've been following you for longer than I have been RPing. You're a brilliant writer, a sweet as hell person, and I can't wait to keep writing with you.

@warsinmyhead - Thank you for trusting me with one of your babies! I know it's been a little slow lately, but our thread is crazy interesting and I cant wait to get more into the meat of it.

To all of the new people who have showed up in my asks and my dms in the recent last little bit, I cant *WAIT* to write more with all of you!

---

@prettytm - You deserve your own little space because you're the reason I have these blogs in the first place. I can't thank you enough for pushing me like you did. Youre an amazing friend and an even amazing writer and I sincerely hope I can entice your muses into more threads. You know how much I care about them and you. Getting closer to you recently has been amazing and I'm thankful for your friendship. Your trust means a hell of a lot to me knowing what you have been through lately and you are one of the few people who just *gets* how I feel about my muses and how they speak to me. Thank you. Our chat will *always* be a safe space for you. Always. You mean the world to me.

OKAY NOW THAT IM DONE WRITING AND CRYING.... Heres to another crazy year you crazy kids. I love all of you SO MUCH and couldn't even *imagine* where my life would be without all of you in it. You have changed mine for the better over the last several months (has it really been that short? Really?) and kept me sane. Here's to new stories, stronger friendships, and so much much MUCH more love through 2024.

Thanks to all of you I found a home for my weird self.

#〘⋯✪ooc - who the hell is bucky?⋯〛#i didnt want to cry today but here we are #i love all of you so much

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deputy-buck · 3 months

Text

Miscellaneous Tag game

Thank you for makin this and tagging me Mar!!! @ronald-speirs

Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?

I haven't been many places at all, and all of the places I enjoyed are neighboring states (Florida, SC, Tennessee, Alabama.) so it's almost the same as being home. I'll say Alabama, went to a cliff that my parents, aunt, and uncles used to climb and camp at all the time, idk what it's actually called but they always called it Sand Rock (take a guess what the rock is primarily made of...) it was entirely untouched when they used to go, but now there's fucking campsites and a huge pavilion there, I hate it bc the pictures my parents took made the place look so perfect and secluded, no trash anywhere. Now there's a fucking dumpster with shit leaking out of it and stupid "Beware! Cliff!" signs everywhere like no shit there's a cliff its a rock wall you idiots-

Something you’re proud of yourself for?

.... girl idk- I guess I'm proud of how regardless of the circumstances, I always stick to my morals and principles. Thanks for that one, dad.

Favorite books?

Oh!!! Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!! hmm-

One Bullet Away - Nathaniel Fick. Probably my favorite of all time, it's so well and personally written, made me cry every time I read it.

Islands Of The Damned - R.V. Burgin. I love how simply he wrote it, like he really put his authentic self on those pages and didn't try to seem "more educated" than he was because he was just a little Texas boy and I loved that about him.

Those are really the only ones I can recall details from so I'll stick with those, but I did enjoy Helmet For My Pillow - Robert Leckie a lot, I read that in the truck while waiting for my brother to get out of class,. Generation Kill - Evan Wright was also good but it read so... grade-school-y, ya know?

My To Read list is:

With The Old Breed - Eugene Sledge. Started it but couldn't continue bc it seems like he's censoring himself a bit and IIIIIIII don't fuck with that, I'll power through it eventually though.

Red Platoon - Clinton Romesha. It's by a Medal Of Honor recipient from The Battle of Kamdesh, the only reason I haven't read it yet is bc i will sob about it for days after and I'm not ready for that.

My To Buy list is:

China Marine - Eugene Sledge. I WANT TO KNOW EVERY LITTLE DETAIL OF HIS TIME IN CHINA AFTER THE WAR-

(switching to non-war books oops)

Call Me By Your Name & Find Me - André Aciman. I just want to kill myself really, I want to hurt so bad that I never recover. Both are written in first person though and I hate that shit...

The Power Of The Dog - Thomas Savage. I watched the movie first and now I need to base my whole life off of these pieces of ART like fuckkkkkkkk.

Fellow Travelers - Thomas Mallon. Uhhhhhh yeah I want to submerge myself in this series entirely. Supposedly there's an ass ton of changes from in the series from the book, like Hawk being in the Army in the show and not the Navy like in the book, and I need to know if there are Seaman jokes-

Something that makes your heart happy when thinking about it?

Maizie 💚💚💚💚 my goofy goopy gooby girl 💚💚💚💚 my baby 💚💚💚💚 my sweet little bully girl 💚💚💚💚 the light of my life and the hindrance of my life-path 💚💚💚💚 the most stressful thing I've ever had to deal with day in and day out 💚💚💚💚

also cock. yeah that makes my heart happy too.

Favorite thing about your culture?

The MEN- okay I'll be serious. I'm not exactly sure what my culture is since Southern culture is Black culture (no I won't fight anyone on this unless you've been here, experience life here, and looked into literally any staple of Southern culture and seen that yeah 99% of it is rooted in Black history) and I'm.... Ghostly- I love the sense of community and the general easy-going but also absolutely chaotic feel you get everywhere you go. Like yeah I could get called "baby" and "sugar" and "honey" by the sweet old cashier, and then right when I walk out of the store I could suddenly be helping some stranger pack a deer with ice and have blood all over my hands and arms, the polarity of Southern-ness is great.

When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?

I want to say two and a half years ago, not really sure though- Band of Brothers was my first watched it back to back like four times, then Gen Kill and watched that one probably four times back to back as well, then The Pacific like two or three times back to back, and now I'm suffering through MOTA.

Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?

I have not. I don't really want to either bc I don't want to realize all the inaccuracies of the show vs the true events. Like the little things, I don't want to watch the show with distain-

Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?

Oh fuck you Mar, I can't choose!!

BoB: I cannot choose, I can't. I love so many of them way too much that it hurts. Loved whenever Johnny yelled "BULL!!" like yes bestie I would scream his name too-

GK: Poke <3 whenever he was on screen was my favorite. I think his "and all the love in their hearts, from their wives and children. And all that hate, dog. All the hate it took to blow these motherfuckers away. It's destiny, dog! White Man's gotta rule the world!" and that was the first time we saw Doc smile too, love that for them. Alternatively whenever he looks at Brad with his shark-like smile, I would FOLD if he looked at me that way.

TP: SID AND YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS MAR FUCK I LOVE THAT BOY SO MUCH I NEED HIM SO BAD. When he tore Gene a new one about why they were the ones that made it back and not all those other guys, like yes put your boy in line-

MOTA: *crickets*

Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?

HBOwar: Sort of? Not as of late but I have written a few fics and made a few moodboards, can find all of them in my masterlist. I'm sorta working on some TP stuff but it's so hard for me to write for that while FT is consuming my every waking thought.

Fellow Travelers: HAHHAH I CAN'T STOP- Oh I've already made so many little webweaves and edits and a moodboard, and rn I'm working on a puppyplay fic hahah

UFC: I don't make content though I kinda wish I had when I was super-super into the fighters on a personally level lmao

Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?

I don't have one, like there's not a specific actor/actress I've watched shitty film for. I usually enjoy Mads Mikkelsen in whatever he does, Jabob Pitts is also lovely, Anne Hathaway is my If I Was Straight actress

Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?

"Give what you get and don't complain when you get what you give."

Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?

Mm, I don't know, I'm always cold and I hate it and will never willingly live any further north than where I currently live, also no further west than Louisiana cause fuck Texas on a personal level

If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?

I don't know what a beta reader is please explain SOMEONE-

Three things that make you smile?

Actually being on a job site regardless of how anxious it makes me, I've spent way too long doing what I do from home and not being a part of the installation process.

Hearing other people laugh, idk why but hearing anyone laugh makes me smile.

These pictures of my goofy goopy gooby girl

Any nicknames you like?

Buck is a nickname and I love it cause it's so fucking HICK like ME

List some people you love to see around on tumblr!

@ronald-speirs !! even though like none of your posts from any of your blogs are showing up on my dash?? hate you tumblr-

@ableedingpen !! BRO I WANT TO KISS YOU YOU ARE SO FUCKING AWESOME TO SEE IN MY REPLIES LIKE I GET STUPIDLY EXCITED-

@corkyviolet !! your screencaps are so fucking good and I cry at all of your edits-

@verawhisk !! we don't post the same content anymore but I do still love to see you around, V you are the GOAT

What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?

Shoot myself. No joke, I don't want to deal with that.

Favorite movie?

uhhhhhhhhh, All Of Us Strangers ripped my heart out, not sure if it's my favorite though

Do you like horror movies?

No (sorry Mar) they never appealed to me, I prefer a documentary about real fucked up and gorey events-

Tagging: anyone!!! have fun y'all!!!

#tag game #MarMar✿#buck brawls

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primewritessmut · 6 months

Note

47, 49, 81, 99

Also I'm soooooo curious about the 1930s Albany research 👀👀👀

47. what story are you most proud of?

Oh, damn. You just came straight out and asked me to choose my favorite child. 😂

I’m honestly proud of (almost) everything I’ve written but all for different reasons. Each one of them walks around with a special little trophy. First finished fic. First multi-chapter. First first person pov. First “dark” work. Etc. But the one I’m MOST proud of right now is the story I wrote for Spooktober; it’s the first original story I’ve actually buckled down and finished from beginning to end.

So now that I’ve proven I can do it, watch out world, I guess.

49. do you want to be published some day?

Yes? No? I have complicated feelings about being published, mostly because I don’t want this thing I really enjoy, that brings some small measure of peace in (gestures broadly) all this, to become something I have to do.

But, I also like to sleep with a roof over my head and eat so wouldn’t it be nice if this thing I spend so much time on could help with that?

I’ve “““monetized””” an enjoyable skill of mine before and still haven’t recovered. Funny to say here, maybe, but the social media requirements alone to be successful in a field like writing/publishing makes me want to disappear into a cave and never be seen from again.

I could go on so, yeah. Complicated.

81. if you could go back in time and give your younger self a piece of writing advice specific to you, what would it be?

Keep fucking writing, you industrial grade moron.

There was a looooong span of my life where I didn’t write anything at all. (Except those half-stories I’d tell myself to get my brain to chill enough to fall asleep.) When I look at the difference between things I wrote last year (when I got back into writing after way too long) versus stuff I wrote this year, the difference in quality is already so huge.

I just… I wish it was a skill I had kept up with instead of letting stupid adulthood raze everything to the ground.

99. was being a writer a dream of yours when you were little? or did it spring up when your older? or is it just a hobby?

It was never a dream of mine but, in a truly bizarro world twist, it was something both of my parents wanted me to pursue. Like, who does that? “No, Prime. Don’t go into astronomy or business admin, be a writer.”

Writing doesn’t really feel like a dream even now. It feels like coming home in a weird sense. Like breathing through a straw and then, finally, getting to fill your lungs all the way. So… I guess I wouldn’t call it a hobby so much as an imperative. That doesn’t mean anyone but seventeen people on Tumblr and 300 people on AO3 will ever get to read it, though.

In that sense, I suppose it’s a hobby?

Also I'm soooooo curious about the 1930s Albany research 👀👀👀

There’s this fic that takes place in the 1930s (shout-out to the Malevolent podcast) predicated on the fact that a Very Bad Thing™️ happened in Albany in the main character’s past. And he’s on this journey to find the thing he lost during the Very Bad Thing which takes him around various New York cities that eventually leads him back to Albany.

I’ve looked up census data, historical photos, distance between towns, the type of car someone might be driving and how fast it could travel, local churches (photos and floor plans), and then drew myself a dumb little map so I could trace his journey as I wrote it.

I don’t know if it’s made the story any better, but it’s definitely made me feel more comfortable when writing the scenery. 😂

#ask game #thank you for letting me info dump about 1930s new york #these were great questions #difficult to answer but great

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illateyouricecreamlastnight · 1 year

Text

Damn my first hate ask huh?

So,there is this asshole sent me this kind of ask. I try to contact them privately,but i get blocked before i could do anything. Coward-

But quiet a bold move since idfk how to turn on the anon ask. Lucky i give mercy on them

So like...what's the fucking point here? Do you know me? Like irl? Cuz fuck,you get it all correct! I am pathetic,i always try to be funny. But what else should i do? Venting 24/7? Nah,man. My blog full of my shits that i enjoy and if anyone else enjoys my content too,it feel so nice. But if they don't that's okay.

I found a lot of nice people here more than a cringe kid like you. Quiet pathetic too if you actually and adult picking up on a minor,lol-

My parents? Well you're right. They will be dissapointed at me if they find out how i actually am. At least i am trying to make them proud. I get to make them proud sometimes so thats cool.

I never believed that people actually like me either my schoolmates. They might talk behind my back now...which is great! I don't need them,i don't even like socializing or talking for too long

Also,kill myself? This guy fr-

BITCH I DID! 7 TIMES! I AM TRYING TO KILL MYSELF! BUT I STILL SUCK THIS SHITTY AIR! MY BODY HURTS A LOT,I HAVE WOUNDS FOR NOTHING BUT FOR SATISFIYING MY ANGER ON PEOPLE AND MYSELF. AND I ADMIT,IT ACTUALLY A BLISS TO GET A LITTLE PAIN TO MYSELF

I am still waking up,laugh at stupid memes and shits. I still smile even i barely can. My smile is ugly and everytime i look at the mirror with a smile,i laugh so hard. I can't take myself seriously what even anyone else? I am a clown and i am okay with it. My scars? I learn from it. I learn to love. I learn to live. I'm 16,i am slowly understanding my life.

So yeah,it's quiet pointless for you to send me this. I not that happy,i'm not sad. I just...there.

Babygirl,go touch some grass and drink water. You're embarassing your own sorry ass. Like i always said,PATHETIC

#ignore this one

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dogydayz · 1 year

Text

It was at that moment that I knew I had to run. Sweet little Nicholas had been fucked with for far too long, and that stinging sensation on his face that left his eye black and blue was the final straw. It was in the moment that I fought back, against someone who'd fought off so many before, I held my damn ground against that sorry excuse of a father of mine and fucked off for good.

I ran, I ran so fast the wind whipped at my quills. My glasses fell off when I dashed through and broke the window, and I didn't look back as I sped into the trees. I heard the sounds of 'em yelling at me. He was enraged. He was 'the peoples' hero'. He'd hurt me. My mother called for me too. I didn't miss her yellow quills. She'd been just as bad, she'd wanted me to be less than I was, she wanted me to reduce myself to a fool, blindly following those damn Elites and their ideals which left out myself and everyone else alongside me from their 'perfect' world. They wanted to make me into a 'hero'. They wanted to make me into a government pawn.

Oh, I'd show 'em 'heroism', I'd fuckin show 'em what they created.

But at the time, I could only run. Trippin' on sticks 'n rocks, runnin' from the distant sirens that screamed into the afternoon air. It was growing dim, the sky darkening above me. I was alone, and I realized that I'd soon be fighting tooth-and-nail ta keep myself alive.

Was I ever truly alive, before? I can't really say I had been. Poor little Nich'las was always fearin' for his life, back then. He never got to enjoy what he shoulda enjoyed, and he learned fast that no kid got to enjoy what every kid should. He always shed green everywhere from fear, his fringe covering his eyes, he was always such a nervous kid. A little geek too, he wanted to be like the others at school, the ones so cool and popular, but he didn't give a shit 'bout sports or anything like that. His dad didn't like that. His dad also didn't like how easily he cried, and he cried at everything too. Little fuckin' crybaby, the kid was, huh? Eyes always watering about ta burst like a dam, his dad hated it. His dad yelled at him for it. Slapped him, too. That shit hurt like a bitch.

Some 'hero' he is. Piece of fuckin shit, pickin' on a child, and not any child but his OWN child. Y'know, I'll see him again some day, and I'll make him eat my fuckin' fists for what he did to a once-defenseless little kid like me.

It was that day that I ran that Nicholas was nothin', he was dead, and in his place was a kid who'd become a scourge to the city he lived in, a scourge to the kin he left behind, a scourge to the government who HATED powerful bastards opposing them...

And I was proud of it. Bein' such a problem to 'em. Those fuckwads deserved it. I let it become part of me, I let myself take that character because I LIKED it. And I still like it. I'd have ditched this name long ago if I didn't.

But I like it. And it sounds cool.

And I can't wait for the time I get to fuck them up for good, ending their shitty reign on this dying world, even if no one can be saved in the end of it all. At least they won't get out of it with any satisfaction.

So why do the tears still fall? Why do I wanna stay here, when my world needs me to finish what is started? Why can't I find the strength to leave this place?

Why do they stick by me, despite the problems I've caused? Why do they show me forgiveness when for years, I'd been nothing but a nuisance? An idiot teenager, struggling to get a grip on his situation, on the fact that his world and everyone he'd found companionship in was now alone, and he was stuck with this idealized version of himself seemingly mocking him every moment?

I'm not meant to be here, yet I can't get myself to find a way to leave. I don't want to go.

Please, don't make me go...

#my writing #dogyz auz #sth #sonic #sonic au #sth au #Through the Mirror's Glass AU #TtMG AU #TtMG #it's time that you all got a better teaser for my Scourge rewrite!#his home world is fucked up and its. just overall not a good time.#and his family sucks ass #tw child harm #tw child abuse #yes i did directly base Nicholas on Nicky #because I liked the idea of Scourge starting out as this nervous yet geeky little kid #who just got dealt the worst cards imaginable #in an already really bad world #hes like a weird mix of Impmon. Susie (Deltarune). and Underfell Sans.#personality-wise #also i dont usually do this in stories because personal reasons but #yes Scourge's dad is effectively a bad cop-type guy #please do not get into discourse over this i literally beg #i wanted to figure out how to integrate his distaste toward “heroism” naturally into the story and was like #“cops are often called heroes so in a world where the gov is basically always shitty his dad is probably a really fuckin awful person”#so that's kinda why Scourge is so against the whole 'self-proclaimed hero' bullshit #also his dad tried to get him to pursue following in his footsteps so that also upset him greatly #for good reason #dystopic #au

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glaivenoct · 1 year

Note

12,13,14.&19, if you could please?

Thank yoouuu again for indulging me friend!! ;u; <3 (Behind The Scenes Fic Questions)

12.) Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

I don't know what this really qualifies under as a Trope per se, but I've always wanted to try writing a whumpy fic where Noct gets taken captive and experimented on. Experimented in the sense of trying to suppress his magic or tap into the power of the crystal or whathaveyou through Noctis. Something along those lines as long as it has to do with messing with Noct's magic/magic responses, forcing him into a constant stasis and then pushing him to the limits so to speak.

Listen. All I really want is an excuse for Noct to be strapped in a chair, barely coherent because everything is taking a toll on him. And I just want him to fucking snap because whatever test or method they try next is not only painful - but he's just so overwhelmed that it sets off some wild, magical self preservation instinct in Noctis.

He can't control it. He screams while his eyes ignite that violet color like when he summons one of the six. The lights above him and windows around him fucking shatter and short circuit. He busts out of his restraints like it's nothing. Anyone or anything in the near vicinity is absolutely fucked and terrified.

Basically, give me Noctis feral with power and the bros/Nyx/Cor having to talk him down and snap him out of it.

*coughs* So, um. Yeah what trope is that? ...is this a trope? What's a trope again, I need a dictionary lmao

13.) Is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth?

Hmm.. probably unrequited love because... I mean that's just no fun to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

14.) If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick?

I accepted my fate and dug my grave with Nyx and Noct years ago. There's no turning back now.

Lmao that surprises no one, SO ASIDE FROM THE OBVIOUS, IF I HAD TO CHOOSE ANYONE ELSE. Hmm.. I think I'd choose Merlin from bbc Merlin because I at least have someone fun and magical (and wouldn't that be handy on a deserted island) to pass time with! Aaaand.. Agent Twilight aka Loid Forger from Spy x Family. Not only am I simping HARD for the man lately, but between him and Merlin, I'd be safe as fuck. He's fucking smart and would probably have some spy connection that ends up getting us off the island anyway. And while he wait - he can make me and Merlin foooood. He'll find a way, he always does that smooth culinary fucker. I'd trust Twilight and Merlin with my goddamn life, fuck!

15.) Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

See... given that I kinda stay in my little NyxNoct corner and don't venture much into writing outside of them - I guess it's easy to say that both of them are the easiest for me to write? At the same time it's still hard because... well, I don't know if I even write them well? Don't get me wrong, I personally enjoy the way I write them, but at the same time I sometimes wonder if, despite that, I write them in a way others would consider "in character". Sometimes I think I do, but sometimes I doubt myself too. It can be a back and forth thing at times, but at the end of the day I still manage to write things I'm proud of.

Again, OUTSIDE of those two. The hardest character for me to write is without a doubt Ignis. Why? I have no clue. Whenever I look at the bros and think about writing them it just goes like this:

Noct: Yeah cool I got this Gladio: Mmm yeah I can pull this off probably Prompto: Erm, winging it but I think it'll be okay Ignis: ????

Not to talk about Cagefighter AU again but. Listen. The aside is a Monster for many reasons. I am nervous about the aside for Many Reasons. One of those many reasons for both of these circumstances is "I hope to fucking god I can write a convincing and in-character Ignis because he's a big part of the whole damn thing. Everyone start your prayer circles for me n o w."

I think for the most part I've been able to do him justice, and in turn it's starting to help build my confidence a little with writing him. But to say it hasn't been challenging would be a lie.

As always, I am doing my best ;u;

#fic asks

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em-writes-stuff-sometimes · 11 months

Note

Hey em, I can see that you’re having some tough times here and thinking about leaving the fandom, so I wanted to share something with you (pleaseplease NOT to try to guilt you into staying or anything like that, I’ve been thinking about telling you this for months but I have so much anxiety about reaching out to people I look up to and admire and I’ve been waffling 🤦🏻‍♀️ now seemed like a good time)

I discovered your terms of endearment series on ao3 back in October when I was in the depths of the worst depressive period of my life. I mean going weeks without getting out of bed except to feed my cats, not eating or showering or speaking to another person for days at a time…this lasted for almost 5 months.

Your stories have been some of the few bright spots in my life, back during my dark months and even still now as I am struggling to recover from everything I put myself through. I have read and reread and reread your work so many times, and I feel as if I find something new to love every time I do.

Please know that even if you have to leave, you and your writing have been such a source of joy and you should be really proud.

Also I’m sorry if any of that was an overshare, I think sometimes I am too much and don’t know it, and please don’t feel pressured like you have to respond.

Hey, nonnie!

Thank you so much for this. I'm getting around to all my asks from The Hiatus (TM) lol, and this one was one that really helped me when I was feeling down. I'm so sorry that the depressos hit you so hard. I can kinda relate-ish to it? Not as badly, mine's a hormonal thing and I'm medicated, but like - I know how poisonous the mind can be. It can be so damn hard to break yourself out of that mindset, or even to recognise you're in that mindset. I'm so proud of you for getting to a place where you feel you're in a better place (at least I hope you are? I'm assuming here, but if you're still feeling it please PLEASE hit me up!).

Fanfiction has always been a refuge for me. It's what I've sunk into at all the low points in life, an escape from the bleakness of reality. Stories have that power to take us away from our own world and place us into another, at least for a little while. I wouldn't have survived my own struggles without fanfiction, I don't think - so it's really humbling to know I've been able to pay that forward in some small way. Thank you so much for telling me this, because at the end of the day, this is what I hope to be doing when I'm writing. I don't want to write for views or numbers. I want to write because people enjoy what I read, and because I enjoy what I write.

Depression is sometimes an insurmountable battle, but I hope you keep fighting. Sometimes, it's a daily struggle; and sometimes, at least for a while, we get to win. I'm so glad you've won this latest bout, and I hope you'll be sticking around for a long time coming. I plan to!

Thank you, nonnie. You've touched my heart with this. I love you <3

#fanfiction asks #personal asks

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friendlyneighborhoodcapricorn · 2 years

Note

hii!! okay hi cool sO if it’s not too much trouble could i get a preferably male mcu/tasmv matchup please?<3

m'names hero:) (she/her) and my friends usually call me rosie or ro--and i'm an entp/enfj if you're in the mbti stuff

as appearances go I’m 5’1 and I’m Italian, english, and asian. i’m a bit tan, ‘ve got light brown hair with bangs and considerablyy big, brown eyes. now cough I hope m’not coming off as shallow but I’m really proud of my body? work really rather hard on it and I quite like showing it off from time to time— as should everyone, we’re all hot shit ;) i breathe sundresses, usually wear little bows in my hair, and I wear my grandmother’s pearls 25/8 they make me feel like a pRINCESS

I have the tightest core friend group of 3 including myself— they’re my soulmates, really, we met at a museum and everything. In the literal sense I have no problem with conversation in general it’s my favorite thing I could talk about absolutely anything. if I ever meet a cute boy tho.. dear god it’s over me I’m a blushing mess— moreover my love language(s) are physical touch, words of affirmation, and gift giving (I like things that reflect how proper beautiful I am sue me💅)

I write poems and short stories, and i play guitar and sing, i’ve actually won a few awards for that, and uh I’ve probably read a good couple hundred books in my life time— I like to think I have near perfect vision but my friends say I’m damn near blind— and I’ve only really read the classics.

I’m a huge movie buff too, again I’m a classics fiend *but* my current favourites are Juno and Matilda— unfortunately my parents passed their respective individuality complexes onto me it’s been quite the ride

uhhh what else- i’m the top of my class and my school’s first asian vice president!! yay!!! And oH I don’t really have a type, I just know charisma is so, so painfully attractive, and I love a good height difference but who doesn’t ;)

lots and lots of love please don’t feel any pressure in answering this quickly or at all (i'm so sorry this was so very long) I’m in no rush luv you <33

I love your name by the way, reminds me of Laurie from little women:)

You're the sweetest omg! You mentioned wanting a matchup for the mcu and tmr in a follow-up, so I'll be doing that :) Ro is an absolutely amazing nickname, btw!

This took a while, I'm so sorry for that! I hope you still enjoy it regardless!

For the MCU, I match you with...

Steve Rogers/Captain America

You’re in charge of catching him up on movies he missed while he was busy being a popsicle.

Even though you weren't from the forties, there was something about you that immediately put him at ease. Almost a sense of familiarity in this strange millenium.

The first time he ever hears you sing, his jaw quite literally drops. He goes full goldfish-mode for a few seconds, and it's as endearing as it is funny.

Dates can be anything from going to a museum, getting dinner at some fancy restaurant, or just sitting quietly on the couch together while you both read.

Steve can use the occasional words of affirmation. On a day-to-day basis, he's a pretty confident guy, but during missions he can have a tendency to second-guess himself. It helps having you around because even when he feels like he can't trust his own judgement, he knows he can trust yours.

Newt

Let's say you two met because you were both working in the "gardens". The Glade is only so big, however, so you probably saw each other around before that. But you really started talking in the gardens.

Newt is an easy-going guy, but he does know pretty much everything that's going on in the Glade. He knows how you're always up for conversation, so he tries to take that opportunity.

And then finds it incredibly endearing when you turn into a stuttering mess.

There really isn't much to do for fun around the Glade, but singing happens to be one of them. Well, if Wicked is kind enough to let you remember any songs. In case they do, Newt has definitely asked you to sing for him -and then tried to learn the song himself. He's a horrible singer though.

You can't really go on dates because again: the Glade is pretty small. But Newt will wake you up in the middle of the night to sneak off into the woods, only to reveal he's planned the most romantic moonlit picnic.

This is long overdue, but I hope you still enjoyed it! Thank you for requesting and have a lovely day/night <3

#request #matchup #matchup request #mcu #tmr #the maze runner #marvel cinematic universe #mcu matchup #tmr matchup #mcu request #tmr request #steve rogers #newt tmr #newt x reader #steve rogers x reader #captain america #captain america x reader

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gladiatortale · 2 years

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Therapeutic Fandom Obsessions Round 2: ELECTRIC BUGALOO 🎉🎉 ...with some MAJOR edits lol

EDIT: oh what a fucking STORY THIS ONE IS. so. I had every intention in the universe of posting this in January like I did last year... but my partner at the time happened to read (as you'll see down below) the lil "life updates" section over my shoulder and THAT is how he found out I have been (still am??) questioning my gender identity.

It was not a conversation I was ready to have with him/ wanted to have with him (which maybe should have been a bigger red flag... BUT I DIGRESS), and it began a six month winding path to the collapse of our relationship. Was this the only thing? No. Did it, in conjunction with the fights we both had and weren't having (it was weird...), become what did us in in the end? Yeah. Little bit.

I was in a swirl of emotions from the time the conversation happened until the break up, and I'm still in a bit of a swirl now. But I'm doing better. Feeling more myself than I have in a while, and being forced to FEEL my emotions and not lean on/ focus on someone else's emotions (AND BOY HOWDY is my brain fucking LOUD without a good distraction). I've found some "good distractions" in the last six months, but mostly found joy the company of friends and their phenomenal support. I'll fill you in on all that nonsense next year (or in January because this is the halfway point lol) so stay tuned for part three! ;) But INDUDGE ME FRIENDS. Pretend we're still in January with my fandom recaps! And I hope you find some joy in my blast from the past xxx

END EDIT.

hellooooOOOOOO EVERYONE!! Thought you'd seen the last of these posts from me?? THINK AGAIN.

Is it a little late to be posting a New Year's post? MAYBE. Did my partner come to visit and it took up all my attention because I missed him more that words could say??? ALSO MAYBE. lol

But I guess you can call this my official decision to make this an annual thing. *shrugs*

Well. What a fucking year. Somehow someway my mental health (are we even allowed to say that on here anymore???) has improved this year. Don't get me wrong. I'm still a hopeless insomniac, and you could practically set your calendar by the cycles of my seasonal depression. But somehow, in spite of all that, I've actually made strides toward feeling better.

MINI RECAP.

I moved to California to take care of my grandmother (and she managed to take care of me in ways I never expected).

I'm finally moving forward with a diagnosis (still up in the air on what the fuck is going on BUT HEY. PROGRESS).

Had an (ongoing) gender crisis that was NOT FUN to deal with so late in the game... but still glad it happened.

I found a job I really enjoy in a field I've always wanted to get in to.

And perhaps most importantly, I've reframed the way I think about from "getting better" to "feeling better." --- Said this last year, but I don't think whatever is going on upstairs is something I'll really ever truly "heal" from. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't try and make myself feel better.

And between the little ways (reframing my phrasing and thinking), to the much bigger shit (facing my fears around doctors, diagnoses, and medicine), I've made progress I can be proud of this year.

And perhaps my hyper fixations are only salve and bandaids on top of much bigger wounds, but they (AND THE BLESSED AND BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE THAT ENJOYED THEM WITH ME) helped me get through a tough year.

So I hope everyone that's reading this found some joy in 2021 and will find so much more of it in 2022. And hey, if you're looking for a rabbit hole to fall down in search of some dopamine... this list this always here, and I'm ALWAYS around to chat ;)

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, PLEASE ENJOY MY OBSESSIONS OF 2021 🎉🎉

January 2021 -- Bungou Stray Dogs (Anime/Manga)

DAMN DANIEL BACK AT IT AGAIN???? (Did I just bring a vine reference into a post from 2021? Yes. Yes. I did.) but LORD IN HEAVEN, I'M BACK ON MY BULLSHIT.

STORYTIME. In November of last year, I managed to drag @idancewiththefairies down the anime rabbit hole with me and she wanted some recommendations for Top Tier shows after finishing Yuri!!! On Ice. I tossed Bungou Stray Dogs in her general direction and the rest is history.

HOLY HELL did my fandom obsession come back with a burning passion. The flame was FULLY reignited and I'm so glad it was.

Joined the fandom: April 2020

Obsession peaked: I *THOUGHT* it peaked in 2020, but that was NOTHING compared to January 2021.

Fandom friends: @idancewiththefairies hi ;) xxx, @lil-1nsane, @aeriamamaduck -- I've managed to kidnap all the usual suspects...

Fanfics you NEED to read:

'The Shinigami' by @cataclysmicevent2019 -- Supernatural Yakuza AU. She was already the unprecedented QUEEN of BSD and Soukoku fics in my mind and had earned my undying loyalty... AND HOLY HELL THIS FIC just reinforced that even more. Desperately waiting for this one to finish updating.

'Always Yours' by @cataclysmicevent2019 -- ABO period piece with arranged marriage(s). God bless Rachel and her eternal undying patience to put up with me as she waited a million fucking years for me to finish this fic. AAAAAHHHHHHHH. HOW DID YOU DO THAT??? oh man oh man oh man. This fic is a DOOZY. Lures you in with a false sense of security and then breaks your fucking neck with chapter 6. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED AND YOU WILL LOVE IT.

Favourite moments:

Pacing back and forth in my aunt's garden (and getting a nasty sunburn) for hours voice noting with Rachel around fan theories and fanfiction recs.

Finally getting in to the manga -- and boy HOWDY did I REALLY get in to it (RIP my wallet).

Commissioning one of my favourite artists to do a piece for one of my favourite fanfics -- THIS MASTERPIECE if you haven't seen it already.

March 2021 -- Violet Evergarden (Anime/Movie)

Full disclosure. I don't cry at movies. I just don't. Honestly wish I could, you all make it sound so therapeutic. BUT THIS SHOW. oooooOOOOHHHHOO LORD. THIS FUCKING SHOW. TO SAY I WAS UNPREPARED FOR HOW THIS WAS GONNA MAKE ME FEEL IS THE UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR.

Violet Evergarden had been floating through my Netflix recommendations for nearly two years by the time I decided to pick it up this past March. BRILLIANT DECISION this is one of those shows that is FULLY worth the hype.

And KYO ANI, stunningly gorgeous as always. Watching any one of their beautifully animated shows from pre-arson attack days is always tinged with a touch of melancholy, but it is nice to think the animators live on through their art if even in a small way.

Go watch it if you haven't; the message is timeless, the world building and character development are both stunning, with an art style that is simply out of this world.

Joined the fandom: March 2021

Obsession peaked: Around the same time -- this was a fast and fierce love affair.

Fandom friends: Aileen xxx

Fanfics you NEED to read: SEND ME YOUR RECS IF YOU KNOW ANY GOOD ONES.

Favourite moments:

EPISODE TEN. HOLY HELL IN A HAND BASKET. Can you call a borderline trauma response a favourite moment??? idk brah but it was soooo good. Literally had to watch the end like three times bc I kept crying and missing the subtitles...

Catching up with the show in time to watch the final movie in the cinema (in a rare moment when the pandemic was a bit more mild... what a hopeful time lol).

FINALLY getting my non-anime friend into the medium with this show (and making her cry at the same part as me).

March 2021 -- Figure Skating (Sport)

At the risk of this list becoming just the same as 2020's recap... here is the SECOND fandom to make a reappearance!

I don't think my love for this sport is ever really going to dwindle or die, but it certainly has had its moments when it's shone brighter and March 2021 was definitely one of them.

I got myself up at ASS CRACK O'CLOCK in the morning on the day of worlds (and then again like three weeks later for WTT) to scream in silence as the sun came up and I FREAKED OUT ABOUT THAT RESULT (hooooLEEEE MOTHER I did NOT see that one coming).

Joined the fandom: Childhood. 'Tis one of my oldest fandoms. Obsession peaked: (re)peaked in March of 2021. Fandom friends: HARUKA YOU QUEEN. Thank you for staying up/ waking up to chat with me xxx Fanfics you NEED to read: NONE ABOUT REAL PEOPLE NOOOOO THANK YOU. Favourite moments:

Live reacting and Instagram story-ing to World's at ASS CRACK O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING (thank you California and your ridiculous timezone).

Kaori and her stunning Matrix skate at all times this season but ESPECIALLY at Team Trophy.

Ranting with Rachel as always ;) xx

April 2021 -- Demon Slayer (Anime/Movie)

Sandra my dear. I should never doubt your recs (and yet somehow I'm still dragging my feet on FMAB...) BUT THIS TIME. I ACTUALLY TOOK YOUR ADVICE IN A TIMELY FASHION. Best decision of 2021.

OOOOOH THE ANGST. OOOOOOOOOH THE ANIMATION (!!!). I was not prepared for how this show was gonna fucking WRECK me. Walked into it thinking, "hmmm, monster-of-the-week-shounen. how bad could it be?"

BAD. VERY BAD. SO VERY BAD. but also SOOOO FUCKING GOOD. If season two and Mugen Train haven't made you hop on the bandwagon at this point idk what will. But believe me when I say this is FAR from your run-of-the-mill action/monster shounen.

Joined the fandom: April 2021

Obsession peaked: Almost immediately after.

Fandom friends: PAULIUS MA BOIIII, @aeriamamaduck thank you Sandra xxx.

Fanfics you NEED to read: Some how I haven't gotten around to this fandom yet, but I know it's coming.

Favourite moments:

Driving down the 405 and singing along to 'Gurenge' on full blast after watching Mugen Train (I NEEDED A PLACE FOR MY FEELINGS TO GO.)

Managing to stay spoiler free for TWO YEARS... but then seeing a spoiler on a Gigguk video THAT DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH DEMON SLAYER. still salty...

Eating my words on this being an overhyped shounen. Sometimes it feels great to be wrong.

May 2021 -- Fruits Basket (Anime)

oh my babies how i've fucking missed you... WAY BACK IN THE YESTERYEAR OF THE ANIME DARK AGES (lol) when your lil bean was just getting in to anime, this title came up CONSTANTLY on "must watch lists." And while I feel like I eventually learned the plot through osmosis without ever sitting down to watch the full thing.

FAST FORWARD TO MARCH OF 2021. I am hit by the sudden unexplained urge to fucking RAWDOG one of the most traumatic scenes in shojo anime (perhaps all of anime) with no build-up, no foreplay. Yes, season 1, episode 24 (WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING???)

FAST FORWARD AGAIN TO LATE APRIL OF 2021. I am pulled head-fucking-first into the orbit of a fandom I'd been skating around for nearly a decade and I have ZERO regrets. The anime broke my heart and put it back together again all at once, a GORGEOUS and fitting end to the Furuba saga.

Joined the fandom: idk brah... somewhere in my past??? Feels like I was kind of always there in some way.

Obsession peaked: May 2021. I could not fucking shut up about it.

Fandom friends: Raneen. Thank you for you stunning edits my dear.

Fanfics you NEED to read:

'I'll Be Standing By You' by Eboni -- Cancer Death Fic. OHHHH MAAAAAN. I read the tags. I often actively CHOOSE death fics. I knew what I was getting in to. *inhale* BUT HOLY HELL THIS HURTS LIKE A BITCH. Told almost exclusively from Yuki's POV, this stunning portrayal of the Sohma family faced the impossible and impending reality of Tohru's death fucking was so unbelievably good. If you're brave enough, READ IT.

'Another Banquet?' by SailorSong -- Future Fic, One-shot. Sweet future fic, largely canon compliant and some pseudo-angsty banter between Kyo and Yuki that warmed my cold dead heart.

Favourite moments:

Losing my fucking MARBLES with Yuki and Kyo's backstories in season 2, part 2 (THE ANGST. THE HAT. THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN FRIENDS. I WILL NEVER GET OVER IT.)

Yuki and Kyo FINALLY having it out when the truth is revealed in season 3. ("Me!? I was jealous of you!" OH LORD SAVE ME. NOW I will never get over it EVEN MORE.)

June 2021 -- The Case Study of Vanitas (Manga)

Ass-kicking bisexuals. That's it. That's the whole show. Well... not the whole show, but a sizable portion gives off the *vibe* ya know? ;)

This was one of the first times I started with the manga rather than waiting for the anime. holy fuck I'm so glad I was impatient. Both Jun Mochizuki's art style and the story itself are so stunning (and the manga covers are just breathtaking so I recommend picking them up if you get the chance).

I specify with this series that I've only really become invested in the manga because despite the anime coming out around the same time, I've really had trouble sinking my teeth (heh. vampires. teeth.) into for some reason. I think the truth lies in the manga itself; the anime is very true to the manga but both are pretty slow in the beginning. Other than a very sneaky plot point revealed at the end of episode one (and chapter one) it does drag for the first couple of chapters, and THEN takes off like a shot. For people looking to get into either version KEEP GOING, it is soooo worth it. But even I will admit it *is* a slow start.

Joined the fandom: June 2021

Obsession peaked: Hilariously peaked right after I finished reading volume 8... oh the irony.

Fandom friends: Annika (@/mid_wintxr on insta), your edits kill me dead girlie xx

Fanfics you NEED to read: NEED to get around to fics in this fandom. I can just TELL they're gonna be good.

Favourite moments:

Driving all the way to fucking San Diego in pursuit of volume one of the manga during a printing shortage. Sounds way less fun than it actually was.

Getting through my first manga binge read with this series.

July 2021 -- Given (Anime/Movie)

In direct contrast to my previous month's obsession... bisexuals I would like to give an ass-kicking to.

HOOOOOOEEEE BOIIIII. Idk what I was expecting y'all but there was WAAAAAY more angst than I prepared for. HOLY FUCK. The Yuki plotline??? THE MOVIE?????

Joined the fandom: July 2021

Obsession peaked: also July 2021

Fandom friends: Fiji @lil-1nsane, thanks for suffering with me.

Fanfics you NEED to read: Haven't found any that have really grabbed me yet.

Favourite moments:

Jumping around the house like a madwoman as I kept pausing the movie because I was so stressed.

Playing a game of "musical chairs" with different Barnes & Noble locations trying to find the later volumes during a paper shortage... (idk if this counts as a "fave" moment, but it was sure memorable).

August 2021 -- Free! Iwatobi Swim Club (Anime/Movie)

Lord in heaven, I have never been so late to the party. To be honest, it shocks even me that I jumped on the Yuri On Ice train before paying dues to its Queer-Subtext-So-Overt-It-Stops-Being-Subtext older sibling show. (Literally this show is the sports anime equivalent of, "This bitch walked, she fucking strutted that runway mama, so that PEPPA. COULD. RUUUUUUN!!") But hey, better (EIGHT YEARS) later than never.

OH MAN. I did not count of how much these boys would fucking crush my heart. As a former competitive high school and recruited college athlete (shocking I know lol), this hit me in the feels WAAAAY harder than I was expecting. The subtle undercurrent of pressure and angst (tied together with a fucking BRILLIANT voice cast) made the show feel more real, and completely addicting to watch.

So if somehow you have managed to avoid this gem over the last decade, and are looking for a high school sports anime that is angstier than Haikyuu (I'm sorry Haikyuu fans please don't kill me xD) THIS is the perfect place to go.

Joined the fandom: July or August of 2021. Harder to pin this one down bc I spent months TALKING about picking up this show without ever actually DOING it.

Obsession peaked: September-ish? But tbh still going strong. This show has quickly snuck up into my favourites list.

Fandom friends: Rachel... FINISH SEASON TWO DAMMIT.

Fanfics you NEED to read:

'Coral and Bone' by @macbetha -- Mermaid AU. this fucking fic... Honestly? I don't know why I started reading it. I'm not normally a fan of the mermaid AU, but MAAAAAAN. This fic had me eating my fucking WORDS. I normally need to be hyper focused when reading, but I simply could not put this down. I was RAVENOUSLY reading it on a ten hour noisy AirFrance flight, and it felt like I was alone (and sobbing) in my own little world. ALSO Makoto and Haru may be the main couple... BUT THE SAMEZUKA BOYS STEAL THE FUCKING SPOTLIGHT in this. omg THE TWIST. AND THE SCENE WITH THE ANCHOR. AND NITORI WITH THE--- aaaaaahhhhhhh. read it. just read it.

'Eyes Wide Open All The Time' by @macbetha -- Gritty drug and prostitution AU with a shocking amount of heart and pathos. Confession time. I have not finished reading this one. HOWEVER, chapter one *A L O N E* is enough of a reason for you to pic up this fic. It is LOOOONG (chapter one is nearly 20,000 words all on its own), but the world building is SOOOO fucking solid and it's the perfect amount of angst for your resident angst queen over here (read: a fucking HIGH amount).

Favourite moments:

The antagonist to snarky deuteragonist trend that I saw unfold from season to season. (Rin, Ikuya, I see you I see you).

SOUSUKE AND RIN. HOLY FUCK. like LISTEN. I was fully in the RinHaru camp at the end of season one. But the season two twist??? and the A N G S T. *chef's kiss*

^^^ follow up to this one. MAKOHARU. *chef's kiss*

The whole of the Samezuka team. I love me my Iwatobi darlings, but there's just something about these chaotic fools that warms my heart.

The waves of swimming nostalgia I was hit with that made me want to get back in to swimming.

November 2021 -- Vampire Knight (Anime/Manga)

L I S T E N. I CAN EXPLAIN… okay maybe no I can’t… flipped this soap opera of an anime on a few weeks back when I saw it on Netflix (the motivation to do so lying halfway between idle curiosity and my desire to fact check a few things a literal DECADE on from my first watch). I was NOT counting on this shit sucking me back down the proverbial rabbit hole.

Is it a masterpiece? FUCK NO.

Is it even all that good? Eh *shrugs* Not really. The show/series had a LOT of potential (which is why pics are essential in this fandom and I am GETTING THERE) that it truthfully never really lived up to.

Is the show worth the watch? ABSOLUTELY. Maybe this is nostalgia talking, but it’s a fun show. Dark and moody and very atmospheric, the anime is wildly melodramatic with interesting characters and the charm of late 2000s shojo that helped get me into anime in the first place. So pop open a bottle of (red) wine, sit down with ya friends and watch this teenage train wreck run it’s course. You can thank me later ;)

Joined the fandom: Like???? June 2011?? Fun fact! It was my first “big kid” anime! (I… I imagine that explains a lot)

Obsession peaked: NOVEMBER 2021. BC NOW I HAVE ADULT MONEY WITH WHICH TO MAKE POOR DECISIONS.

Fandom friends: Sandra @aeriamamaduck (imma drag you back to hell with me babes xxx)

Fanfics you NEED to read:

'The Week of Four Thursdays' by @madmaenad -- holy god good gracious lordt in high heaven... this fic... this M O T H E R F U C K I N G MASTERPIECE OF A FIC. It is a *inhale* 400,000 word, arranged political marriage, faking-dating-to-real-dating, (mostly) canon compliant, ABO, fix-it fic WITH A POLYSHIP and it has RUINED ME. OHHHHHHH MYYYYYY GODDDDD. It goes without exaggeration when I say this IMMEDIATELY shot up to my top 3 favourite fics of ALL TIME. It is beyond words. Her characterization of Zero, Yuuki, and Kaname is SPOT ON, while interlacing the framework of the characters with a maturity and nuance they FUCKING DESERVED, but never got in canon. It literally fixes everything. AND THE SMUT???? *chef's kiss* Never has a fic more rightly earned the "fix-it" mantel. GOOOO REEEEAD IT.

Favourite moments:

Watching it again ten years on and hit with waves of nostalgia.

Watching it again... AND NOTICING ALL THE QUEER CODED CHARACTERS (I see you Aido... I see you xD). They're everywhere, almost hilarious that I missed it the first time.

Any Zero and Kaname interaction. THESE BOYS. THE DRAMA. THE TENSION.

T A K U M A I C H I J O. MY PRECIOUS BOYYYY.

THAT FUCKING SCENE WITH ZERO AND ICHIRU. *animalistic wails of pain* WHYYY???? (can a scene that sad be a fave? Yes. Yes it can.)

December 2021 -- Blue Period (Manga)

wow. just. wow.

OKAY. STORY TIME.

Is it a bit cliche to call this a masterpiece when everyone else has said that a thousand times before? Perhaps.

Joined the fandom: This bad boy slipped on to my radar just after I started working at the bookstore.

Obsession peaked: I chewed through

Fandom friends: COME FIND MEEEEEE.

Fanfics you NEED to read: None yet, but give me recs if you have them!

Favourite moments: ALL OF CHAPTER ONE. The conversations about talent are just *chef's kiss*

Honorable Mentions:

Yuri!!! On Ice (Anime): Ah YOI... My indomitable steadfast love... Honestly? I could give this a section all on it's own as a "constant back of mind" fandom. It pulled me back into my love of anime and brought me closer to some of my favourite people in the world. Eternally making history and eternally in my heart.

Haikyuu!! (Anime): Listen y'all... I have T R I E D (and failed) WITH THIS BITCH TWICE ALREADY. It's just *too* happy. A GORL NEEDS HER ANGST OKAY?? But I think 2022 is gonna be the year (or a girl can dream can't she???) *shrugs*

Sk8 the Infinity (Anime): SPEAKING OF GAY SPORTS ANIME!! lol this was such a flashbomb love affair. Loved the series and was obsessed with it (and the stellar fanfics) for about three weeks... and then my love fled like the wind. Cherry's story (and the subtextual past abuse that is so beautifully implied) RUINED me. 10 out of 10. Everyone should watch.

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onlythreelines · 2 months

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I really hate how my self perception is right now. I know I still have graduate school to look forward too, but I'm hoping to god I get into some other school besides the University of Arizona. I know I will, just worried though. Another thing I've been thinking about recently is where my life is going. I've grown cynical of country dancing, as I see it as monotonous now instead of something I enjoy. I want to do something that I enjoy. I was watching that clip about the guy serving in the org and he went from Wall Street to the service. Does it really matter if I wake up excited everyday for work? I suppose it's useful, but I've heard contradictory information from other people saying you find something else in your life to enjoy, not your work. One thing is for certain, I don't want to stay here in Tucson. This city doesn't aid in my future development. Granted, it's been useful for building my career, but I need to get out.

I think sometimes about being a CCT, but then realize how much I'm fucking myself over for the future. If I want to do computational biology, product management, investment banking or anything else, I'd be screwing myself over. That's six years of me obligating my time, fuck that. Even if I wanted to do a career in the military, I'd instead want to do something I'm passionate about, like computer science (cyber branch), as opposed to CCT or a STO.

I really don't know what else I enjoy anymore. I think I'm burning out because of working out, but have no clue. I think I'm going to take a break this week, and just run. Since I Florida this week, I'm just going to relax a little. I feel like I'm in purgatory at the moment, just waiting for the next chapter to start really. I need something to do, but what? Combatives? Maybe, but I want to save as much as I can before graduate school, and get my finances in order. I need to find something to pass by the time, maybe computational biology research? Yeah, okay, that's awesome, but what about the going out part? Bars and clubs aren't really my thing anymore, but I still want to go out and flirt. Country dancing isn't something I want to do anymore, so that's out of the picture. So what do I do? Hang out with the guys and remain on dating apps? Shit. I honestly hate O'Malley's since it feels like I'm buying time, instead of actually doing shit.

Let's just focus on ourselves for right now. We already have something going on with her at work. It might not amount to anything, but we can at least say we're okay for now. We really are. We still have a bright future ahead of us, and we're going to fill that damn vision board and make it come to life. You're going to do great things, and get somewhere in life. I'm proud of how far you've come, but you can ease on the gas a little now. You earned it man, it's okay to relax now.

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snarkysinner · 1 year

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Chapter 3 — No One Outruns Their Past.

———

(A few years ago)

In a matter of one night, my life changed forever. Things can change in the blink of an eye—Something we might never know. What could’ve been one of the best days of my life, turned out to be a nightmare, one of the thousands I’ve had. I’ve lost count of how many times I had to wake up in the middle of the night having a nightmare and looking at my reflection.

Fast-forward two years later after my dad died, I only had my mom. I saw my eldest brother a couple of times through the years my mom was raising me by herself; my uncle used to send her month an envelope with money, but instead, she refused to use it, she said that was dirtied money as soon as it came she sent it back to him. My father was the sustaining to his two families. My mom was a nurse she used to work in the hospital.

She was young a beautiful brunette with gorgeous blue eyes. The love of her life died and almost losing her only son nearly got her crazy. Instead she went straight to a job that sucked the living life of you. It was either working in the hospital or being a prostitute for a couple of hundred an hour.

if, she were lucky enough to find a decent client, no to mention she could have a 95 percent chance to gets fucked and dropped by in a dark alley; with one hell of a beating and bruises without getting pay for her services.

She knew the risk, so she preferred to keep working at the hospital, it wasn’t much money but it would bring food to our table.

Time passed, and she became drug-addict who got kicked out from the place she worked. She got caught stealing controlled medications and went to prison for 5 years. I went to visit her in prison she was a mess, the glint in her eyes was no longer there, she looked like a damn zombie. Stuck between her world.

I picked the phone to speak with her through the glass. “I don't get it, Mom. Don't you want to watch me grow and get out of this hell? I guess pills are more important for you than your son!”

Grumbling to myself. Slammed the phone against the glass of the visitor room in the prison, inhaling a deep breath. I strode away from that place. She started crying and yelling through the glass “This isn't me anymore!” That wasn’t my mom's version I wanted to remember.

By the time she got out. I was 15 years old and I could take care of myself. A couple of weeks later, she took the pills for the last time, her addiction caused her to overdose, and take her own life. They took her from me once, guess they came back to finish her. Crying my eyes out.

My heart twisted and sunk in the depths of my chest; my voice uncontrollably cracking. “Mom!” I found her on the floor, I could tell that she felt hollow.

I don't know what it's like to be addicted to pills, But I do know what it's like to be a witness, it kills. My mom used to say she loved me and was proud of me.

I had this picture in my room and it kills me; I don't need a picture of my mom, I need the real thing; I sat in my room, tears running down my face as I enjoyed the last drag of a blunt.

I wish she were here, but every time I picture her; all I feel is pain, I hate the way I remember her; if life is pain then I buried mine a long time ago, but it's still alive and it's taking over me. I'm in the race of life and time passed by.

———

(Present Day)

After my full recovery from the hospital. I’d wished the drunk driver who crashed with my girlfriend and I was alive so I could kill him with my own hands.

I played a million different scenarios in my head, the most frequent was having him tied to a chair playing Russian roulette with only one bullet in the revolver and me spinning it. Until I pulled the trigger without an ounce of hesitation and shot him in the head, the blood along with his brain spread against the wall as the final act of the night.

This might sound a little bit sadistic, but when you don’t have anything to lose, you start to see the other side of the coin.

One year later; I wrecked with Shalimar. I finally see my uncle Jose Gálvez (Pote) he was the eldest brother of my father; I remember him vaguely he was at my father's funeral. He lived in Culiacán, Sinaloa (México) Pote is a man of few words. As my mother used to say he's never one to kiss ass. he is a loyal person and is very protective of his family.

Pote, words rang in my ears for months since that day. “No matter how fast you are. No one outruns their past and yours just caught up to you. Someone sabotaged your father’s car deliberately to kill him, Chase.” I stood up in the graves of my parents at the cemetery. I let out a long sigh of despair. Clenched my fists along with my jaw.

I held onto the tragic memory of seeing my father die before my eyes and I was never at peace with this. I changed myself to focus on the things I learned from him rather than fixate on his demise.

However, the car went awry and my dad ended up getting killed, as things spiraled into a freak accident.

I have always been a sucker for faster cars and motorcycles; anything in general that could make my heart pound off my chest was worth the risk. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I'm in the 67 Shelby Mustang cruising down the streets black on black venom colored seats. Speeding off and grabbed the E-Brakes on purpose drifting the car and burn the rubbers on the asphalt forming a circle.

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