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samarecharm · 5 months

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Bouncing off my bi ryuji awakening post, im gonna add these tags from it: (separated to make it easier to read)

[#anyway. akira is the guy ever. and ryuji is exploding#‘i have died. badly’#i like thinking of akira like this; hes ryujis first exposure to nb ppl and gnc adjacent stuff#even if akira is p masc by most standards hes still got a bit of. aloofness. about his gender stuffs#ryuji is just really into the way akira carries himself#and it takes him a while to go oh. oh i think its cause i like this dude#um.#😳.

#also i wanted to clarify#but ryujis mom just doesnt know Who akira is in that picture#and in my head hes like. looking down at mona and petting him (while sitting)#(AND hes with ann and theyre both kind of a distance away from the camera)#so at a quick glance; hes just Some Girl#and even though shes wrong; it kicks off the mental chaos olympics in ryujis head#‘what hes not a girl’ to ‘where would she even get that from’ to ‘well akira said himself he didnt rlly care what ppl thought about it’#to ‘well. where DID she get that from?’ to lookin at what his homie does a little closer to ‘aw fuck. man.’#but i love that for him

#ALSO. RYU/GORO IN TAGS…..#but ryuji going oh my GOD oh my godddd 😨😓😓😓 when something clicks in his head about goro#his voice is so practiced and naturally softspoken and his public facing persona is very demure#and once he gets past the initial anger over goro being a pompous prick who shittalks about the thieves. hes like. god fucking dammit.#There Is A Pattern and A Type He Has and Its Killing Him To Realize it.#hes literally sitting in his room w his head in his hands]

Ryuji definitely finds Conventionally Attractive Girls pretty, but he realizes around postgame that he genuinely formed crushes on THREE people; Akira, Makoto, and Goro. And all three of them are people who carry themselves as a bit Soft and Delicate (akira and makoto w their personality and mannerisms, goro w his appearance) while also being deceptively strong. Yusuke WOULD fit into this but hes only strong in the metaverse. Also if u tried to argue that he still finds yusuke pretty, Ryuji would just say ‘yeah duh? Of course???’ and would not elaborate further.

I just think. Its cute 👉🏾👈🏾 Ryuji loves someone whos pretty and capable of knocking him flat on his ass lmao He LOVES a challenge and he likes that they can all challenge him in different ways.

Akira is way stronger than he looks; hes very toned and he used to be quite active before being shipped off to tokyo. And after fighting in the metaverse, hes gotten way better at using an enemies mass and momentum against them. Yeah he can properly knock someone down, but its way easier to let Ryuji charge him and use that momentum to sweep and pin. Which Ryuji remembers vividly for Weeks. Akira is not allowed to spar w him and Makoto for awhile after that.

Makoto is just strong as hell. But shes very defensive, and extremely patient. ‘Ill wait and see before I decide What to do’. Shes got good reaction timing and its hard to catch her offguard. Its very difficult to disorient her so oftentimes, his spars w her are more about endurance. And if he ASKS her to do so, she’ll actually fight him back. He never wins 😭 but she is very patient w him and she doesnt treat him like an idiot. She likes to give him tips and redirect his strengths to make up for his weaknesses and it makes him a bit warm in this chest

Spars w Goro are just fun. Theyre fun! Goro is way more aggressive and reckless than Makoto and Akira. He is looking for openings near constantly and Ryuji has to either keep up or tank hits. Its very. Engaging. For him. Sometimes he loses and Goro is giving him a look so smug, Ryuji wishes he could kick him in his fucking teeth (something he clearly couldnt do bc hes already been knocked flat on his ass). And sometimes he wins, and hes so shocked and HAPPY about it; he doesnt miss the way Goro looks away from him pouting like a brat (‘no fucking way are u POUTING man, what a sore loser 😭’). Goro and his uptight personality is thrown out the window completely and its so fun and refreshing to see. Hes tall and imposing w broad shoulders and toned arms and if Ryuji is staring, he finds himself immediately distracted when Goros cheerful, softspoken voice asks if hes willing to go another round.

I love it 👉🏾👈🏾 Ryujis got a complicated relationship w violence but it helps to have people he trusts engage with it in a way that doesnt make him feel like some brute. Theyre all kind of itching to beat the shit out of things for multiple reasons, but instead of taking that out on each other, they spend time training one another so that they can beat the shit out of OTHER things better. Its an efficient system 😊

#chattin #i dunno how to tag it; dont wanna add ships in here bc theres not alot of NonPego/ryu fans in the pego/ryu tag lol #but ye. ryuji likes a pretty face and he likes getting his ass whooped sometimes #i mean he likes to fight and WIN; he is not trying to roll over like a defenseless tortoise #but he likes the deception a little bit….#what do u mean ur shitty shirt or sweater is hiding those arms ??? what do u mean u can bench more than ur own weight????#its insane.#its a little 😳#also oops i am writing essays in tags again. i will continue to do this im sorry #i just have so many thoughts that dont feel like they fit in the body lol #my approach to the thieves is . they are very angry and prone to violence and violent thoughts #and they have an questionable outlet w the metaverse #BUT #if the metaverse was to poof away; where does that outlet go?#and thats the foundation for my idea of their ‘found-ish family’#i HATE the actual family stereotype but i am thinking of like #they are bonded in a specific and unique way #and they stick together because of it. no one will understand them as much as they understand each other #i know i mentioned only the four of them #but i am thinking of ALL of them #they are a little gang of their own now lmao if u mess w one u mess w the rest of the hounds #and they all have some warped perspectives on good and ‘evil’ and justice #maybe the others arent as readily capable to physically hurt someone. but they are more than okay with bad and cruel things happening-#-to bad people.#anyway. this post was about ryuji having a thing about getting roughhoused bc hes a rowdy boy #i can see it being something ann teases him about #and definitely as they get older its something that just doesnt leave him. his brain has already made the Connections #i love my homies they beat the shit out of me when i ask them to and vice versa 😊#naw theyre not really HURTING each other that bad #but its the idea of it 👀 like look at me bearing my weaknesses to u so you can make me a better person

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jechristine · 2 years

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I’m not sure if this has been talked about extensively by any blogs yet before but I just kinda wanted to get this off my chest so bear with me—- am I the only one who finds the whole mainstream opinion of “Tom is so lucky / should be grateful she’s dating Zendaya'' a tad bit overblown? I’m saying this as someone who has been a big fan of Z since 2015. I also like Tom, not really necessarily a ‘big fan’ of him necessarily but I like him enough especially since he is literally Z’s boyfriend. It’s also caused me to pretty much be updated with Tomdaya’s extensive history that goes way back up to present day.

That being said, it has always bothered me a bit when people always talk about Tom like he’s so “lucky” to be dating her like she's some kind of trophy like wtf? I’m gonna cut locals some slack coz they don’t really know anything, however I am kind of directly talking to fellow Z stans who are aware of Tomdaya’s history (especially the ones who just tolerate Tom I guess). It always feels like, reading opinions on social media especially twitter, people seem to look down on him or how he’s ‘not worthy enough’ for Z. There’s always tweets of people making fun of him about his height, his lips, looks etc. (or those viral tweets i.e. “How did this mf bag Zendaya??” and the like). Well, I guess I kind of understand why most folks see it that way tho, Z has built up this perfect, queen-like, goddess public persona to the public, and how she's out of everyone's league. Meanwhile Tom is always seen as this dorky and goofy dude along with the traits I mentioned that ppl make fun of him for. But I mean…

Why is almost no one talking about it the other way around or atleast idk, give Tom a little credit? Especially with all the limited information that we have about Tom always trying to make time for her and being a good boyfriend (kc undercover visits, euphoria s1 and s2 visits, photoshoot visits,, visiting her in LA even off work, surprising her in Rome, making the effort to see eachother weekly etc etc.).

As biased as I am for Z like 99% of the time, this is the rare 1% of me trying to acknowledge Tom positively for a change since I am kinda guilty of looking down on him in that way in the past too.I just realized how much we put Z on this high ‘queen’ pedestal, while unfairly looking down on Tom as this ‘little midget British dude with no lips’ like he should be lucky to date her just based on looks. I’m not saying one should be ‘luckier’ than the other, but what I am saying is that they are definitely lucky blessed to have each other. There’s more to a relationship than just physical looks as I have pointed out with the ‘boyfriend material’ info we know about that Tom does for Z.

I don’t really know if I articulated that well (probably not) but I just needed to ramble and get that off my chest, I hope no one misinterpreted all that but if it any one did then sorry lol

Thanks, Anon. Yeah I agree that the pedestal stuff is dehumanizing. It’s really closely related to the Madonna/whore complex that has reduced women to objects for male consumption & use for centuries.

Zendaya’s a whole person. She probably has gross morning breath, and she’s probably in a bad mood and an asshole sometimes because she’s human. Tom’s maybe lucky in that he’s likely found his person and early, but he’s making a relationship work just like Zendaya is, and that takes way more than some initial luck. Luck also often implies that the event is over, but Tom and Zendaya are continuing to grow and learn and argue and compromise and…all the things.

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randombubblegum · 2 years

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the fact that otto is still with grace makes me wonder what kind of person he really is. like he seems quite sweet and kind but tbh without him having social media or knowing him personally, it's kind of hard to know for sure. and i really cannot imagine he can't see past grace's bad behaviour so maybe it just doesn't bother him as much as we would expect? idk its just wild to me that they could be together for the better part of a decade and for otto to still put up with her behaviour if he had an issue with it? truly a mystery

i have done more deep mindbendingly philosophical thinking on this subject than plato and socrates and descartes and kant all put together dude. i cant figure out a way it makes sense. all my theories are only 3/4 formed at best.

my working theory is: hes a loyal and dedicated romantic partner who doesnt feel like he can up and leave, and grace reinforces this with her penchant for manipulation and guilt tripping to get what she wants. and she CANNOT lose the parx connection (in her mind) bc shes built her entire brand and frankly personality on it. so she will do whatever it takes to keep otto dating her and shes repeatedly demonstrated a complete lack of shame self-reflection or remorse so “whatever it takes” could be……. pretty bad. otto also probably doesnt feel like he can leave her bc grace has essentially no family and barely any friends, plus hes already enmeshed her into his immediate family, and i speak from experience when i say how difficult it is to pry a partner out of your family especially if theyre pitiful, ESPECIALLY if your family is really nice.

also, a lot of graces bad behavior is only catalogued online where otto cant see it, so whatever story she wants to feed him (“people are sooo mean to me for no reason!” “people hate our relationship for no reason!” “people are mad at me and i didnt do anything wrong!”) he really has zero way to fact check or even get any context for. he doesnt see the things she says about him online, or the fights she has with specific parx fans where she threatens to make otto hate them for “being mean” to her. LMAO. he only has how she treats him to go off of and if she says that using him like an atm or a trophy or an item is normal then who is he to argue really?

none of us know otto and he doesnt have social media so we have precious little info about who he is as a person….. but like, theres no way all the interviews and all the casual candid vids of him and all the testimonials from ppl who DO know him could just be fake? so what is it with this ONE thing. and maybe he DOESNT tolerate or like her behavior and we just dont see the fights or his misery, its not like shed ever show us. lol. i hope they never get married

#this question plagues the brightest minds of our generation #mail time!#neg

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icecreamkink · 3 years

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watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD.

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo, lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass, shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is, the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’, “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it.

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out!

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha.

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying*

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE, and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof

and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. )

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :(((((((((

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf

wwx: fucking w demonic energy jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch??

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no.

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go.

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. . . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg . spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . .

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like ? ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also so thrilling (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say)

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris.

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng. being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance.

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all??? amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD.

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future

one of the ?? things i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE.

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???”

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn.

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding.

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever

BAT WEN NING

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock”

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face.

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself!

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe.

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities. *longest oh boi ever*

#m.#ANYWAY #ENOUGH TALKING #THIS IS SO LONG #LOL #but whatever this is MY performative journaling i do what i want #rambling impressions abt what i watch is a thing i do now? apparently??#cql #untamed #the untamed #fun fact that chat is named 'k keeps on babbling abt the untamed' and it STILL wasnt enough #also it took me 15 episodes to realize lwj was yibo #IT WAS V SHOCKING #i did not recognize him at a l l #but in retrospect he WAS the perfect choice

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karma-jinx · 4 years

Text

ML New York Special Babbles *Spoilers*

Ok so! Coming outta me hiding hole to bring you this ramblings. These are just my thoughts after seeing the new episode. This ones a LONG one.

I’m told that this particular episode takes place between seasons 3 and 4. A sort of bridge episode maybe idk. I mention this because there are some things it connects to in the past and introduces some new stuff. (In regards of what��s going on in Paris.)

The ep starts with LB and CN yet AGAIN fighting Mr Pigeon. Apparently for the 51st time. He wants to take the Eiffel Tower to space with his piegons???? Idk just an excuse for the hero’s to use their new power ups. Which tbh is kinda lame because we don’t even see them in the new forms for very long.

The light hearted banter between LB and CN about the rose was kinda nice. I say this because it seems like CN is maybe FINALLY going to give her space and not try to woo her every moment. Tbh I can’t recall if he actually did flirt with her in that scene. So that’s cool. (Boy did stroke his own ego by kissing his muscles.)

Marinette really out her denying she still simps over Adrien. (She does it through out the entire episode and no one believes her claim that she’s over him and that they’re “friends”)

Also uh.... so Miss Bustier is preggers???? Interesting cuz I thought she was single since we’ve never heard of any sort of partner she may or may not have. Also its Miss, not Mrs so I don’t think she’s married? But idk she can’t go to the trip so Ms Mendeleiev goes in her place.

And can I just say how hurt she looked when the students complained that she’s lame and wouldn’t be as fun as Ms B. Yeah Ms. M is strict and all but she’s fair across the board. Unlike Ms B. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about just look up Ms B salt.)

Random but why was Chloe SO Adamant in not wanting to go to New York? I mean didn’t she want to go to New York with her mom? Was it cuz it was a class trip instead?

Lila was there too but fuq her honestly. Lila was only there to push Marinette to claim they gotta convince model boy’s das to let him go to New York with them.

Why’d the WHOLE class go to Adrien’s house if Marinette was the only one let inside? Sure it could be argued that either the dad only allowed her in. Or her classmates pushed her to do it alone since it was her idea. Either way seemed unnecessary for them all to be there. That’s just my opinion.

Side note as this was happening Adrien and Kagami had another fencing match. (One she won becuz boi was having sad times)

But she him!!!! And such an odd scene too becuz it LOOKS like she MAY have kissed him on the lips. But I don’t think she actually did. I say this because Adrien showed no reaction to it until she pulled away. He was still sadly looking at the ground until she was leaving. So???? I still don’t think they’re a couple. Yet????

My girl Marinette being a responsible hero trusting CN to look over the city in her absence gives him a flipping kitty alarm. I want that!

Random comment but ofc marinette would miss the bus that’s taking her to the airport because why WOULDNT she right?

Luckily friend Luka was there to haul ass to catch up on it on his bike right? (Is he a wimp or not? Like???? Yeah we know he likes her but he also treats her like a friend. So idk of this scene is him kinda simping or him being a good friend.)

That plane scene huh? I feel like some ppl are gonna be mad about what happened. As the trailer shows Marinette and Adrien are seated next to each other. When boarding the place Adrien is actually happy, maybe even excited to see Marinette.

He runs down the aisle to help her with her things and find her seat. He even tries to help her work the ac over head. All in all he’s just happy to be near her. And everyone might’ve thought FINALLY some progress right? Only to see her beg for help because she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t spend HOURS seated by the boy she likes.

Why? Because at the end of season 3 we’re told that she chooses to bow out in the race for his affections because she thinks he and Kagami like each other. She couldn’t handle a few seconds by him so she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle hours seated by a guy she still very much likes but chooses she can’t have. As frustrating as it is I can at least see WHY she acted the way she did.

Alya and Nino being 100000% over these to but still trying to help them out. The patience they have for their idiot friends.

Everyone on the plane as it’s being attacked: scared and full surprised.

Alya: *nerds out about the super heroes helping*

She still hasn’t changed huh?

Why’s Majestia’s daughter and Android? I really wanna know the story there. Idk how to spell her name so I’ll be calling her by her hero name. Uncanny Valley, which I also want to know why is that her name. As well as the full extent of her powers.

Yay for Sabrina having fun away from Chloe for once.

Why are there SO many heroes in New York anyways? And some are random af. A guys who’s ability is that he can open a door to where ever he wants to go.

A hotdog hero with ketchup and mustard theme sidekicks? (Maybe)

Dude makes hotdogs filled with random temp abilities. Which explains wtf I saw a clip of Adrien and Marinette dancing in the air.

Sooooooo..... does everyone just think of convoluted schemes? Or meddle in things just willy nilly? Anyways Uncanny Valley and Jess’s scheme to “help” Adrien and Marinette confess sure was top tier wild idea. Alya and Nino just WENT WITH IT! They’re just like, “kay sure why not?” Sure ok!

Ladybug and Chat Noir are an efficient crime fighting duo. And Paris’ sworn protectors!

Can’t function for shit as civilians.

LB has sole custody of their brain cells. What happens to it when they change back is a mystery to me.

CN is an idiot for never telling LB that he was leaving Paris. Til it was too late and problems were happening in Paris. Caused by Mayura. Rip Natalie who seems bed ridden? But also if the miraculous is fixed is she still going to suffer the affects from when it was broken? Or is she healing from that?

Anyways a messy fight ensues. CN hurt he broke his Lady’s trust and almost killed Uncanny Valley. If LB weren’t there to fix things who knows what would’ve happened?

Still, he gives up his ring and is forced to leave since his father blames Marinette for convincing him to allow Adrien to go to New York. SCREW YOU GABRIEL BITCH NEEDS TO GET DUNKED ON IS ALL IMA SAY.

(That was a NASTY skid Marinette did. Like OUCH)

Why did Majestia’s skin tone go fucking white in her civilian form???? Her and her gf/wife’s skin tone was just, weird?

On topic of random/weird why did Jess HAVE to pretend she was a boy hero?

The explanation they gave was rushed and weak imo.

The eagles miraculous confuses me tbh. Even after seeing how it worked I’m perplexed by it. But seeing as it takes place in ‘Muerica land of the Free with an eagle Kwami its “on brand”. Sure.

HM really out here really to destroy the world without a second thought huh? Guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

Shouldn’t also be surprised that LB and CN saved the day with their new friends either. The ending was pretty rushed tbh.

LB and CN are thanked/praised for helping. Paris understand why they were absent now.

Jess gets to keep the miraculous and *le gasp* there’s another protector of the miraculous.

Alls well that ends well right?

In all honesty the special was kinda like any other episode. It did bring new lore like the heroes of New York. NONE of them seemed to be miraculous based type of heroes. So I makes me wonder the extent of unnatural aspects that have or could happen to make someone have super abilities. Or am I to assume that it’s like marvel/dc or any other super hero like comic book story. Because it that’s the case then that opens a whole can of worms I can’t get into rn.

There’s also the other guardian of the miraculous. How many more are there? Do they keep in touch? If so why’d Master Fu make Marinette the new guardian???? Just.. jakakandjfns

Why claim its SOOOO important to hide their identities then show how New York Heroes don’t seem to really give af about secret identities?

Might’ve missed some things but this is long af as it is.

#my thoughts #miraculous ladybug #ml spoilers #ml new york #ml special

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tacittherapist · 4 years

Text

((HS2 Spoilers under the cut!))

((For all the shit I give the epilogues, it does have its moments. Specifically highlighting this bit of dialogue here: ROXY: you think you choice mattered so much that no one elses could measure up? ROXY: n then what ROXY: did u get what u wanted? ROXY: did your life end and the points got tallied and you came out on top or like what? ROXY: still p much seems like were movin to me ROXY: and you sure dont seem like ur winnin so wheres all this good shit you got that you gotta go around handin out apologies for? ROXY: also damn dude while were at it!! ROXY: u forgot to actually say sorry in that apology! JOHN: no, i didn’t — i just meant... JOHN: i’m sorry for fucking up your life, or making it not— ROXY: i like my life!!! ROXY: i mean it aint perf and i got my share of fuckups n mistakes in there but you dont get to tell me its fucked up ROXY: or that it isnt real or somethin ROXY: its mine!

First: criticism. The writers wield this little section like a crude cudgel. They use it to underscore the weight of ‘canon’. This is the ‘candy’ timeline, so it supposedly ‘weighs less’ than the ‘meat’ timeline, but its characters still have meaningful thoughts and emotions. Here, John supposedly makes a choice that supposedly invalidates a bunch of supposedly important events, and Roxy here blows it all out of the water by claiming she made these choices too and that part of the blame rests with her in the direction her life has taken... which is total dogshit used to justify a bunch of really overt swings in character thematic. Continued here: ROXY: you wished i was one way the whole time we were married ROXY: but i wasnt ROXY: but now that youre all convinced ur the only real boy in a crowd o puppets ROXY: here i am bein me just like you ordered only i did it without your help ROXY: widen ur zoom my man!! ROXY: im not actin like this now because you want me to or bc you dont want me to ROXY: i was bad at standin up for myself then and im learnin to be good at it now ROXY: ive got my own self actualization train ROXY: ur just pullin in to one of my many roxy figures some shit out stations right as i built it JOHN: but... JOHN: you were never like that before i... ROXY: dude ROXY: where tf do u get off trying to decide what is or isnt me being “like me” enuff ROXY: do u think ppl stay the same their whole damn lives or what JOHN: you’ve really never felt like anything about our lives here was... off? ROXY: off from what exactly?? JOHN: the way things should be? ROXY: what does that mean???

Roxy here argues that there is no ‘one right way to be’ as a half-baked wink to the audience that all this gross mischaracterization is intentional and that it diverges so grossly from the established character arcs in order to demonstrate that nothing is set in stone. While technically true, this also makes for some pretty terrible writing.

Roxy was a caring, almost too involved individual before the epilogues. Her ditching Calliope for John and this messy marriage business and just letting Jane warp into a full-blown dictator makes no sense, even couched within the idea that ‘characters change.’ Yes, characters change, but there’s generally a reason for it! And not a shitty deus ex machina reason such as ‘John makes a choice!’ What even fucking happened to Candy Calliope anyway? She just fucked off somewhere? How do you sincerely throw a character away like that and then have the gall to wink at the audience as if what you’ve done makes sense? Changes in character are generally brought on by catalysts in their life! Trauma, joy, death, new settings, new ideas, events! Not... John deciding to eat a plate full of candy. If we had insight into Roxy’s thought process behind ditching Calliope and marrying John and having a kid on a whim, this might be saved. But we don’t even get a glimpse. Instead we’re pawned this shitty excuse for a very glaring departure from what we knew about Roxy. Character development is just that -- development! As in to become more complex or advanced! Roxy has made wrong choices in the past, yes, but her reasoning was laid bare in such a way that those wrong choices made sense for her to make. She then makes different decisions later because she learned from her wrong decisions. This is development! Her character is learning and changing behavior because of the things they’ve been through! Her reasoning for this awful series of bad choices is just... not explained, despite going against a ton of shit Roxy has learned. It’s slipshod. It’s careless. It’s sacrificing the tree to showcase the topper. The audience isn’t vested in this Roxy because she’s seemingly robbed of her agency, and then they’re trying to foist this idea that she somehow still has agency on us as if they didn’t preface the entire timeline with ‘well, all this shit is going to happen because we decided it and no other reason!’

Now: the praise. This bit of dialogue has huge implications for ‘non-canon’ dynamic. No, not ‘non-canon’ in the cheeky way the epilogues and HS2 claim to be ‘non-canon.’ I mean ‘non-canon’ as in this blog that I run and all the blogs that you, the reader, are writing and reading as well. Roxy’s insistence that characters change can swing the other way, too. Characters can develop in bad ways as well! Not bad as in bad writing, but bad as in flawed character reasoning! Suppose what Roxy learned from her time in HS1 was that most things can be solved by unvoiding fix-all solutions into existence? Then we might be able to see her trying to fix the human-troll-population issue by just... making more planets! Or unvoiding some sort of device trolls could wear that inhibits hivemind tendencies! That would be interesting and perhaps morbid to write about!! It would at least track with her past experiences!!! Or better yet: perhaps she actually takes a side against Jane (as she has done in the past) but instead of using their friendship as the moral plating, she went right into sarcastic arguments FOR eugenics to demonstrate how bigoted Jane was being? That’s a very Roxy thing to do!! She could have made the argument that if trolls need eugenics to suppress their violent tendencies, then so should humans! Having read about the Condesce’s eugenic practices during her formative years, this should have been fairly obvious to Roxy that what Jane was suggesting was from the same playbook, at least.

But I digress. What this bit of dialogue really does is give credence to us, the audience, in exploring these stories we’re currently writing for these pre-established characters. YES, canon Rose likely didn’t dabble so thoroughly in game magics, and she likely didn’t have as much anxiety as my Rose. BUT I prefaced my Rose’s current state with a bunch of events that make sense! She missed her rendezvous with the others! She had to float adrift, alone in a broadcast satellite, for nigh on a decade! She’s had a long fucking time to develop all these anxieties and mental illness because that’s what happens when you’re isolated for years! It is a tool I use to express my own anxieties and explore how someone might somehow overcome them! And most importantly: she’s still Rose. She has unprocessed mother issues. She cherishes her friends. She’s more than a bit gay. And she knows when the meta is using her and when it’s not, because she’s had a traumatic experience being used by Doc Scratch as a plot device. And that trauma isn’t going away (well, unless she gets therapy, but given the setting we’re writing... not likely), so she’s going to be overly cautious when it comes to big decisions involving her friends. What she’s not going to do is suddenly abandon everyone she’s departed from because uhhh Jade ate some bread the wrong way or whatever.

tl;dr: What this section of the epilogues/HS2 (well, really just this bit with Harry Andersen, Tavros, and Vrissy that is somehow more interesting than virtually EVERY OTHER PART of HS2) is telling us, the audience, is that it is good to diverge from canon. Non-canon characters will still have very real feelings and face very real consequences for their actions. Just... don’t do it like they did it. All these characters we’re writing for and all these events we’re writing around them... they’re valid! They matter! Just because they’re not canon doesn’t mean others are willing and wanting to read them, and that makes them important! Unfortunately, this also means the epilogues/HS2 are important, but let’s ignore that for now. What I’m trying to say is: be indulgent! Write the things you want to write! As long as they’re well-reasoned, they’re good writing! Characters can be overpowered! They can be cliche! They can have teenage problems as an adult! Just... give them a good reason.))

#ooc #hs2

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flying-elliska · 5 years

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What are the important bisexual characters that you said helped you? I am having a hard time finding good bi representation in which they aren’t considered promiscuous or unstable

Hiya anon ! What a quality question, thank you ! Here’s another mini essay about bi rep lmao. If there are some that I forgot please tell me ! And to everyone, tell me about the bi characters who made an impact on your life, I’d love to know !!!!

Okay so.

- When I answered the anon and talked about the characters that helped me come to terms with my sexuality, I talked about two in particular. Jack Harkness from Torchwood is depicted as very promiscuous, and somewhat instable. He still meant a lot to me because a) him sleeping around was never that much of a problem, it was because he was from the future, where things were different, which I thought was refreshing and b) his instability was because of the weight of being an immortal hero. Also fanon!Dean Winchester from SPN, as an older, more macho, emotionally witholding, badass dude written as bi meant a lot to me, but he doesn’t really avoid that stereotype either. But at least they were heroes. However, I can understand wanting bi characters that actually don’t fit that stereotype, because bi people irl aren’t all like that, even if there is nothing wrong per se about sleeping with a lot of different people, or having mental issues to struggle with. And that was a while ago and now we have more and more cool characters ! Such as :

- Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. One of the best portrayals of bisexuality on TV imho. She didn’t start out as bi, she was this tough, cool, scary but with a heart of gold cop who had a lot of other plotlines before. But then, since they saw that a lot of wlw got this vibe from her, were really into her, and the actress came out as bi herself, they decided to use this. So it was super organic, and the way they introduced the subject was true to Rosa herself ; she’s a super private person, she doesn’t like anybody knowing about her life (it’s actually a running joke and Rosa Diaz has been implied to not even be her real name). But then she is dating a woman, and struggles with her parents not understanding and her coworkers find out, help her and support her. Her gay captain is there for her in his typical stoic but hilarious way. They organize game night with her when her parents won’t anymore. We see her crushing on women and dating, but it is treated exactly as the other character’s love life, they never make a big deal out of it. She isn’t the token queer character. She says outright she is bisexual and there is a specific point about her mom not understanding it’s not a phase and thinking she’ll end up with a man anyway, which #relatable. The focus is on the team as found family. Also right now she’s dating a butch woman, which is awesome since they are so underrepresented on TV and I hope we see more of her. That show really is my comfort show, it’s still bloodly hilarious and it really transcends the format to say some really deep woke stuff too, but never in a way that feels on the nose. Everyone should watch it tbh.

- Korrasami ! Oh my god, I was so blown away when they got together. They’re two characters from the animated series Legend of Korra, they start out as rivals in love who have feelings for the same guy, but as they have to fight baddies together, they become bestest of friends, and both fall out of love with the guy. Then in season 3 and 4, their relationship becomes central to the show, as Asami stands by Korra through some really tough shit. Also, they’re both ultra badass and fight really well together. A lot of fans started reading their chemistry as romantic, but we’d never thought they’d actually go there. But the show ends with them walking into the ‘sunset’ (well, the spirit lands) together, holding hands. Now, it was never completely explicit on the show BUT they were dealing with a lot of censure from the networks and you have to be willingly obtuse not to read it as romantic. And after that the creators drew them on dates, and there is a comic series in which they are shown kissing, talking about their feelings, introducing each other to their families, etc. It made me feel so validated when it happened, and I just adore the whole ‘love triangle ditches the middle one and fall in gay love with each other’ trope. (is it a trope yet ? it should be.) It’s still a kids show at its core, but it has amazing depth and deals with some very deep shit. Korra starts off as a bit annoying but she has a really cool development, she’s a girl character we need more of - brave, dynamic but also brash and reckless and action driven in ways that are almost always exclusively shown for boys. And Asami is a more typical girly girl but she’s also a brilliant engineer and has a spine of steel and she’s also very slyly funny. They’re amazing. And the comics are super cute.

- Now there are a lot of characters who are bi/pan that I love, and are good characters in themselves, but their arcs do intersect in some ways with promiscuity and mental instability. I’m thinking about Even from Skam and all his remake variants, Magnus Bane from Shadowhunters, several characters from Black Sails, Sarah Lance and Constantine from Legends of Tomorrow, Eleanor Shellstrop from the Good Place, Bo from Lost Girl, Ilana from Broad City, Joe McMillan from Halt and Catch Fire, God/Chuck from Supernatural (lmaooooo), several characters on Penny Dreadful, or in a totally different category, Vilanelle from Killing Eve or Hannibal from the series (who are hella bad guys but it’s never linked to their sexuality, and are also incredibly compelling to watch.)

And even though these characters taken individually, I would argue, are good rep because they’re complex and layered and interesting and never one-dimensional (and watching them feels incredibly empowering at times)....it’s still a trend. I feel like when writing a character that is attracted to multiple genders, there is always this sort of...tangle of tropes that writers default to, unconsciously. Some negative and some positive. It used to be this trope of bis being villainous, instable, jealous, flaky, immature, perverted, manipulative, cheaters, amoral, greey, etc...and then it evolved into something of a reclaiming and subverting this trope. So now you feel like the Bi Character kind of has to be badass, glamorous, seductive, often superpowered or extraordinary in other ways.. And they also for multiple reasons (they’re immortal, they’re sensitive artist souls, they’re from the future, they’re psycho, they’re exccentric comic relief, they’re daring adventurers and pioneers) don’t care about social norms which allows them to sleep and fall in love with whomever. And so they tend to have those super busy romantic/sexual histories and very troubled backstories. In the past it was a bad thing, now it’s often presented as this positive, enlightened or at least fun and badass thing. They’re heroic, with big hearts, a tremendous lust for life and a cool rebellious attitude. They’re complex, dramatic, tortured. Which can be super cool, too.

But it would be nice to have more ‘normal’ bi characters. I mean, boring bisexuals need to see themselves represented too ! Our sexualities don’t give us super powers. At the same time, it is true that bisexual ppl have higher rates of mental illness, which deserves to be explored, but it would be nice if it was actually articulated and not just part of this trope. But still. We need rep, I think, that is more grounded and varied. So I think that’s also why I read a lot of fanfic. (I was really into the idea of bi Steve Rogers for a long time, partly also because he’s both very mentally resilient, kinda boring in a good way, and very unexperienced in terms of sex/romance, which is pretty much the opposite of the trope)

- I think books, and YA in general, are a good place to find these ‘normal bis’ characters. I’m thinking in particular of Leah from Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli (from the same book series that gave us the ‘Love, Simon’ movie) which is a super sweet coming of age/romance story about a super normal teenager who just happens to be also into girls (esp her best friend) and is loud and funny and very lovable and has zero doubts about being bi. You also have Adam Parrish from the Raven Cycle, another one of my forever faves ; he has an abusive family so PTSD from that but it never feels tropey, and it’s completely detached from his sexuality. He has magic powers, too. But his character feels completely opposite to the trope. He’s hardworking, somewhat withholding, prickly (and sometimes awkward), ambitious, determined, down to earth, and has a beautiful love story with another boy. And also Jane, from Jane Unlimited by Kristin Cashore, also really cool ; she’s a nerdy, smart girl who is actually inspired by Jane Eyre who has cool adventures in a weird house where we can follow her on different paths depending on the choices she makes, several of which are love stories. And finally the main character from The Seven Husbands from Evelyn Hugo, kinda fits the trope yeahhh since she’s a super glam actress who well, has seven husbands but it’s a pretty clever deconstruction since it turns out (slight spoilers) that Evelyn is actually through most of her life faithful in heart to the same person and the rest is mostly out of necessity, and her story feels very real and raw and down to earth.

- I don’t go there yet but I really want to check out Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Schitt’s Creek which I have read have very good bi rep. And I want to catch up on Orphan Black (Cosima and Delphine both don’t have exact labels but they’re multi-gender attracted and they’re this cool couple of scientists in a relationship that gets a happy ending). I will never forgive what they did to Lexa so I stopped watching but I do think that Clarke Griffin from The 100 is very good bi rep. Alexia from Skam France, meanwhile, is a bit of a boundary case for me because, even though she’s presented as the ‘weird one’ from the group, very colorful and liberated and exccentric, she’s still a very normal teen who’s happy and comfortable in her own skin, which is awesome.

- Disclaimer, I included characters in here that are also pan/omnisexual or don’t have a label but are attracted to several genders, for the purpose of this discussion i don’t think the difference is all that relevant at least to me (i mostly identify as bi for the sake of simplicity but tbh i could also fit under pan so i feel represented by all those characters). But I understand the importance of characters that state their identities more clearly and with pride.

- So in conclusion : there is nothing wrong with having a sexually active life or struggling mentally (even tho that one is not fun). And I do love all my badass casanova time travelling super powered bis.

But we need more bi characters that don’t fit that trope. We need bi characters in children’s shows, or that don’t have more than one relationship, or that don’t have a relationship at all, to break the tendency to always show bisexual ppl as overly sexual. We need bi characters in committed relationships to break this idea that bi characters are bound to cheat or can’t be satisified with only one person. We need bi characters that are mentally stable and successful and happy, to show that it’s possible. We need bi characters that are boring, bookish, nerdy, ordinary, clumsy, not particularly seductive, socially awkward, rule-sticklers, etc...to show that bi people are not all party animals, or doing it for attention, or to be wild, rebellious and socially progressive. It’s just a sexuality, it doesn’t say anything about your personality. Even though there are some correlations with MI or being bi might bring you in contact with more progressive ideas and to see life a bit differently, there is nothing automatic about it.

- In conclusion, reading testimonies from real people also helped me a lot. It’s a very dated but I got the book “ Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out “ when I was struggling with my own sexuality and it helped a lot, to read that even back then (1991) you had all sorts of regular ppl claiming to be bi and that it was not a phase or a fad or whatever.

#bisexuality #bi rep #media representation #bi pride #lgbt #bi characters

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sol1056 · 5 years

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git along little nonnies

Got a whole bunch of you on related themes, so I’m just gonna do this all at once: a bunch of questions about DW, spinoffs, merchandise, business, management, support (and protest) and whatnot. In no particular order.

Ok there are petitions and peaceful boycotts directed at DW but problem is they aren’t addressing the EPs and things they, not DW, did so how are we to sign them, how to handle this when this could at best confuse the situation and not give any results and at worst, make matters even worse about what we want regarding DW addressing things?

Here’s what companies care about: money. Everything else is gravy.

If you want a corporation to pay attention to your complaints, then you need to figure out their sources of income, and find a way to threaten that. If the social reprobation is high enough, damage to the brand can translate into lost sales, but the tempest required to make that happen must be much, much larger than anything I’ve seen the fandom manage.

I’ve been saying this all along: voices are far more powerful than signatures. If twenty thousand people wrote or called in, and said what they liked vs what upset them, that would have a far greater impact. Certainly a lot more than a list of names with no emotion beyond a request that may not even be something DW can, or would, fulfill.

And don’t even get me started on mailing stuff in. Cute, but hardly actionable.

Do you know what kind of contracts DW sign, as in, are they obligated to air all seasons, can they choose not to air them, do the companies they work with (netflix, wep) have a say or more say than them? Who gets the last word? Is airing all seasons squarely on DW or more?

As I’m not a corporate lawyer employed by any of the signatories, I can’t tell you what the contract stipulated. What I can tell you is that a contract of the magnitude of the DW-WEP-Netflix agreement probably had a dissertation worth of riders covering the different types of possible defaults or breaches, and the penalties for each. Additionally, the contract also likely covered what constituted ‘satisfactory delivery’ of the product.

To take it down to a really simple level: you place an order at a restaurant. You expect to get it, eat it, and pay for it. You don’t expect to be told, “hey, we burnt your steak and we’re out of butter for your sweet potatoes, so have some green beans instead,” and then be told you still owe the full amount, anyway.

Netflix wouldn’t settle for ordering (and paying for) something never delivered, anymore than you would. Sure, any corporation worth their over-inflated stock options would try --- but that’s the point of contracts, to make sure they can’t.

Netflix paid, DW delivers, end of story.

...do you think ppl in charge didn't think EPs would tell they made changes and also thought they'd manage to bury it? And then they got in trouble and DW is going thru changes for that reason? -waves at DW goings on and silence.

I got lost in all the pronouns, there. Who’s the first ‘they,’ the EPs or DW execs? Is the second ‘they’ referring to the same as the first? So... I’m not really sure what you’re positing, but if the ‘DW is going through changes’ is implying DW’s got a shakeup and/or is promoting its head-of-TV to president and that’s somehow connected to two newbie EPs screwing up?

I’d say the chances are so infinitesimal as to be nearly in the negative. (I should also note, the press release listed successful shows Cohn oversaw, yet oddly did not include VLD.) DW is not a three-person start up; it has stakeholders and a board and a C-suite to satisfy. Cohn got that promotion ‘cause she’s got a track record going back thirty years, most recently growing DW’s TV division from 8 to 800 in five years.

Most corporations tend to announce their new CEO or President like someone woke up that morning and went, hey, I’ve got a great idea. Truth is, it’s usually in the works for at least a year, sometimes several years, or more. The only thing that has me side-eyeing the announcement is the silence around who’ll fill Cohn’s previous position.

But that’s again less to do with a single series, and more to do with what it says about DW as a whole, business-wise.

What meaningful changes could the new president Margie Cohn make that would be different than the last one? Also I'm sorry if your getting a bunch of Voltron/DW questions lately, you just seem to be the most knowledgeable person on this platform.

I’d be willing to bet I’m far from the most knowledgeable person; I’m just someone not bound by an NDA, and curious enough to do a bit of digging and jaded enough to talk about (most) of what I find.

A president can have immense impact on a company’s direction; that’s kinda why they exist, to set that high-level strategy. That said, Cohn will be bound by all contracts signed by her predecessor. The TV side (barring someone filling the shoes she left) will probably continue as it was. The theatrical side (which she’s taking over) will be where we’ll probably see any major changes.

And even those aren’t likely to be on films currently in production. Hell, given theatrical animation can take up to five years, I’m not sure that’d show much change, either. Look instead to changes in investors, new deals, and new properties.

What do you think DW will do about a sequel if there’s really no bible? Theres tons of plot holes & abandoned storylines. VLD will never feel satisfying, and fans already argued with different interpretations based on conflicting content, without a nice satisfying explanation...

I know this is the first of a three-part ask, but I’m skipping the rest because the only answer possible is to your very first question: the bible doesn’t matter.

Any new series --- even a continuation --- will construct its own bible. Same as we’d do in fandom: they’ll patch together what they can, fill in blanks as they need, and gloss the rest, or retcon it outright. Even if there were a bible, diligently followed, that doesn’t mean the next series is automatically beholden to it. Some franchises would care (ie Star Wars) while others might let a reboot mess with the details (ie Star Trek).

For every continuation, there’s gradations in between, since otherwise what’s the interest for creative minds, if you’re obligated to follow someone else’s script exactly? So, no. The absence of a story bible doesn’t preclude the next iteration making its own, as it needs, to whatever extent it requires.

I was wandering around the hot topic online store, and i noticed a shirt that raised a few flags and questions. it's the 'Voltron Location' shirt. it has all the paladins in different places in a star globe chart thing? with what might possibly be planet designations. plus Lance is the only one not inside his blue colored bubble. Keith is in Red and Shiro in Black again. it's interesting at least.

Nearly all the shirts use the same base images, just changed up. It feels a little like someone handed a designer a half-dozen images with a request for forty-something designs --- and now HT is just throwing them all at the wall to see what sticks (or sells).

HT’s stuff has been pretty consistent, from what I’ve heard: Shiro is Black, Keith is Red, etc. Considering the t-shirts seem to be selling out regularly (along with various other sidelines), I’d say someone is savvy as to the fact that the segment of fandom spending the most money is also the segment that prefers the S1/S2 lineup.

If that’s what customers want, it’s smart business for DW to provide.

(Yes, that applies on more than one level.)

There are VLD comic books being released by LionForge Comics, are those considered canon? Do LM and JDS have any involvement? They take place before Season 7and8 but I don't wanna support the original EPs.

Every fandom has its own stand on what counts as canon. Sometimes (especially with adaptations) you’ll find fandoms being explicit as to whether they’re book or movie (ie HP and LotR). I expect the same will eventually shake out in VLD’s fandom, too.

From everything I’ve heard, Hedrick and Iverson were handed the comics and ran with it. I suppose that would argue for seeing the comics as canon, being they were written by people also writing the main series... but from what I can tell, it’s one-way. The show affected the comics, but nothing in the comics ever affected the series.

That said, your purchases have nothing to do with the original EPs. All you’re doing is telling DW you like the VLD-iteration of Voltron.

What are your thoughts on the final vld poster? I feel like it’s missing the end. Allura is randomly staring back into nothing.

It’s a clever idea to do a poster for each season, but it’s not something I’ve ever paid any attention to, really. If it were drawn by the head writer? That might mean the artist had more insight than, say, a storyboarder or animator. But even then... cool picture, still not-canon. I’m only interested in canon.

Do you think that Voltron was rushed purposely by the EP's. [...] Wouldn't this effect the quality of, well, everything? I feel as if they got frustrated with the show at that point and just wanted out.

Dude. There are times I sit here and just stare into space, bewildered yet again not just at the thought of 39 episodes released in one year --- but doing that with 26 as a last-minute cut-and-paste rearrangement. All I can tell you is that what I’ve seen from animation people and aficionados (and friends) is that three full seasons in one calendar year is just bonkers.

If DW hadn’t wanted the schedule that packed, the EPs aren’t the ones getting the say. That’s a DW-Netflix thing. I really wonder whether DW used VLD as a guinea pig. TH went a year between S1 and S2, and the numbers slumped badly. Perhaps DW wanted to know if more episodes, more often, would keep fan interest high? DW has experienced execs, but they’re all from broadcast; how you arrange and time things in the brave new world of binge-watching is a completely different beast.

So, it’s possible it was less of a rush job to get the show out, and more from a desire to see what'd happen to release so much, so close together.

I still think it’s a bonkers schedule, though.

"Relaunch the whole property" sounds like they won't continue expanding the whole vld universe and they'll make a new itineration. Though if they do a spin-off it'd likely be on the vld universe surrounding the new "Legendary Defenders" from the epilogue. And "especially given the response" do you think after the negative response from s8, wouldn't be better for WEP to not keep working with Dreamworks? Or maybe they need to clean their brand from vld fiasco? What can you say about all of this?

I can say you might try re-reading, because boy is that a radical interpretation of the text. Remember, Jeremy was speaking before S8, and all indication is that he was caught off-guard as much as the fans. Re-read in light of Jeremy (at the time) appearing to expect S8 to be a crowd-pleaser.

...I'm becoming more confident in my belief that DW has something planned for Voltron. I mean they are still heavily promoting the show, LionForge is still publishing Voltron comics, and merchandise is still being made. These don't seem like the actions of a company trying to get people to forget a show.

You’re not wrong. Up to the last few days of 2018, DW gave every indication they wanted S8 quietly buried. Nothing they’ve done since has fit that pattern --- including the anomaly of failing to announce their 2019 series. Something is going on, that’s for certain.

Did DW really just throw the VAs to the wolves [for] three days? and there's still no official stance? One panel was enough. They had [the VAs] take the heat for them? But thankfully fans felt sorry for them? Which could also have been the goal, shut the fans up [with] the VAs of the characters who got the worst treatment and who love their characters ... Yes DW this really makes me trust you /sarcasm/

I don’t think that was the original plan. Let’s pretend DW released its 2019 schedule via press release in the first few days of January, and among those was an announcement of a VLD sequel or spinoff, coming late 2019.

People wouldn’t be fussing over putting the VAs through three panels. They’d be complaining we didn’t get the biggest room for every panel. The majority of the fandom doesn’t trust the EPs, and is wary of DW --- really, the only ones who retain any goodwill, at this point, are the VAs. So who better than to assure a nervous fandom about the goodness of the second iteration than the VAs whose characters were most shafted by the first iteration?

What breaks this is that immediately after S8 dropped, Josh and Kimberly went silent on twitter. AJ slipped into passive-aggressive snarking; Jeremy fell off the radar and usually he’s pretty interactive with his fans. Bex pretty much wiped VLD from her stream, possibly including deleting older tweets. Neil tried to engage and made a hash of it, bless his heart.

Josh and Kimberly are consummate professionals who reliably promote the series after every season drop, but their radio silence continued for almost two weeks. This wasn’t the first season that came saddled with controversy; if there was a time to go quiet, it was after S7. Something else was going on.

I have strong suspicions backed by research, but if I’m right, I’d be stepping on a major legal landmine. In the interest of not getting blown up, I’ll only say that the VAs appearing for those three panels (and their low-key and mostly diplomatic hedging around VLD’s conclusion) was a good sign that all parties involved are willing to work things out.

[DW was] quick to handle the Season 7 backlash and have stayed mum on what is arguably a much worse reaction to the 8th and final season.

and

I believe the S8 of voltron we got was not the original ending we were supposed to get and highly edited. My question is why? What was the point of changing the original ending? [The] radio silence from DW and the cast is driving me nuts. I wish DW would make a statement.

DW is in an interesting place. Its TV side is barely five years old, but dominated by execs with long-time broadcast experience, predating vibrant interactivity afforded by platforms like twitter, tumblr, or instagram. DW’s background as a theatrical company also seems to incline it away from any ongoing engagement with the audience. It releases a movie and by the time that hits theaters, DW is onto the next thing.

It’s a strong contrast with production studios like Zagtoon (Miraculous), who penned an open letter to their fandom about production delays. Or little studios like Wonderstorm (The Dragon Prince) whose deft use of twitter and tumblr sets their brand apart. Or Federator (Castlevania), with their witty marketing campaigns and willingness to engage with fans. Even Disney was willing to be open about its errors with Tiana, and to make clear how it was striving to do better --- so there’s no excuse that only small studios do such outreach.

My guess is that DW's core leadership is from the school of business in which admitting a mistake is tantamount to ritual suicide. Don’t blink first, or maybe the rule is never let them see you sweat, but whatever it is, DW is turning into a textbook case of how silence can damage a brand.

Companies have multiple avenues to reach customers directly, now. Our modern technologies are a two-way street, and good companies leverage that to create not passive fandoms but active communities. It takes work, careful planning, and some level of transparency --- something old-school execs find highly uncomfortable, to be honest --- but in this day and age, those are crucial building-blocks to achieving any kind of audience loyalty.

DW isn’t going to render itself obsolete (at least not overnight), but it's on a track to end up as the studio whose work audiences only watch when there’s nothing better being offered. Unfortunately for DW, there’s a hell of a lot of other studios out there, and they're all offering something better.

#vld #voltron #television production #marketing #business #sol thinks about stuff

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villainousvillains · 6 years

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Loki x Reader - Lesson Four: It’s Important to Feel Comfortable

Requested by Anon: I have an idea for another aura fic where she is in a big battle with everyone else, and as she is almost killed by a bad guy, her aura pulsates like a supernova and sends everything in a ten foot radius flying! She doesn’t know how she did the aura pulse, nor does she have control over it, so another lesson ensues to try and master the pulse!

A/N: *whispers* I love this one so much. eep. Also this title took me 20 years to come up with and I don’t like it I’m sorry. It doesn’t do this fic justice. In the process I came up with a title for another “lesson” so. Request away so I can use it. And another also, I’m posting this at a different time than normal bc I just finished it and I want to get it out as soon as possible bc I love it but then I had laptop troubles but I’ll probably reblog it tomorrow to make sure ppl see it bc I’ve seen other writing blogs do that... phew I’m kind of a crazy mess right now but writing this aura reader made me feel a lot better.

Other aura reader stuff:

Lesson One: Know Who You’re Up Against

Lesson Two: Leave the Past Alone

Lesson Three: Choose Your Words Wisely

Introductions

Ghost

“Have I taught you nothing?” Loki’s annoyed voice rang into my ear.

“Essentially!” I spat back, wiping debris and sweat off my face. Loki had been pissing me off so much today, and the fact that I was losing every battle I engaged in did not help.

“Get away from that one; I’ll handle him,” Loki barked. I sat straight up.

“No! I got it!” My feet slid in the dirt as I stood up, but I managed. My head swirled when I got to my feet and it took me a few seconds to catch my breath, but I quickly reengaged with the guy I was fighting. He was a scrawny dude, but his weapon was the biggest problem. He kept knocking me off my feet and catching me off guard, not giving me a chance to recompose.

“Stay one step ahead of him! Don’t let-”

I shut my earpiece off with a short growl, and summoned my aura to launch my body into the air, shooting wing-like shapes into the air in the color of my aura. I dodged the shots fired at me with ease, then dove in, trying to knock the weapon out of his hands. My efforts were in vain, and with a huff, I hovered back up in the air. Before I had time to react, I felt a surge of pain throughout my body. My focus was interrupted and I fell to the ground with a thud. I looked down and saw I was wrapped in some electric wire that the guy had shot from his weapon. The more I struggled, the tighter it wrapped, and the more my vision got blurry. I summed my aura the best I could, but it kept fading away. I groaned in pain, but I wasn’t about to give up. With a final burst of energy, I shut my eyes, suddenly getting my second wind. I was overwhelmed with energy and auras, consuming everything that surrounded me, then I felt no pain.

My ears rang, and I slowly opened my eyes. The wires that had previously been causing me so much pain sat beside me in useless strands, but the more surprising thing I saw was the barren wasteland that now sat in front of me. I wheezed, trying to catch my breath, as I looked that the circle I had created in the dirt and debris around me. Every bad guy we had been fighting was on the ground, which was good, but so was every avenger who had been grounded. I saw Cap sit up, dazed, and Nat laying face down.

I threw my hand to my ear to turn my communications back on. “Loki?” I breathed. “Where are you? Are you-”

“Y/n, are you okay? You weren’t near that explosion, were you?” He called back, voice frantic.

“I… I think I was the explosion.”

. . . . . . .

I never wanted to move again. My legs were sore, my arms were sore, muscles I didn’t know existed where sore. It was awful. It had been three days since the mission and the soreness had only dulled a little.

I rolled out of bed like a burrito and walked to the kitchen for breakfast, wrapped in a blanket that made me feel secure. Loki was there as I walked in, like he usually was, eating the leftover breakfast casserole we didn’t even know who had made.

“Hey,” I muttered, opening the freezer, looking for sausage biscuits.”

“Hi,” he replied, his voice sounding slightly concerned, but I ignored it. He hadn’t spoken to me much since after the mission. He was probably still mad at me. I put the biscuits in the microwave and turned around to lean against the fridge, facing Loki.

“You’re still mad,” I stated.

“Extremely,” Loki grumbled, pushing his food around with his fork.

I pursed my lips and nodded. “You’re not exactly reacting the way I thought you would.” Loki took in a deep breath, pondered saying something, then didn’t. “I’d rather you yell at me.”

“I’m not going to scold you.”

“Well, you should do something. I don’t know. You’re being annoying.”

Loki let out a grunt, making my eyes widen, not sure why I had asked him to react normally. “You are… absurd!” he exclaimed. I licked my lips and pressed them together in nervousness. “You don’t listen to me, you haven’t been using any of the skills I’ve taught you, and now you refuse to use your powers at all because of what happened last time! And you won’t talk about it with anyone! Not even me.” The last part was more of a mutter than anything else, but the rest was what I expected to hear immediately after the mission. Except for the part about me not using my powers. I didn’t think he had noticed.

“I have used my powers…”

“A blatant lie? Really? You usually try to mask it more than that,” Loki hissed, all fired up now. He stood up in a huff and threw his plates in the sink.

“I’ve only been resting,” I said, trying again. Loki turned to face me with a scary smile.

“See? Now that’s more like it,” he said with false pride, pointing a finger at me. “That one is more difficult to see through because that’s a lie you’re also telling yourself.” I rolled my eyes, exasperated by his ability to see through me. “If you believe it, then so should I,” he continued. “But the problem for you,” He came close to me and put his hands on both of my arms, “is that I know you too well.”

I looked up at him then down as I let out a sigh. “I really don’t want to use my powers again. That was… something I didn’t know I could do, and if I trigger it again... “ I trailed off and looked at Loki for reassurance.

“We’re going to have another lesson,” Loki told me, and I shook my head, fear coursing through my veins. “We’re going to have another lesson because you need to get over this fear. You’re not going to hurt anyone.”

I trusted Loki with my life, but I absolutely did not believe him.

. . . . . . .

“Start with the small stuff until you feel comfortable again,” Loki instructed. My hands shook, and I hated it. I had never been afraid of my powers. Even when I was still with my parents and they were afraid, and I still couldn’t totally control it, I knew I would never hurt anyone with it. It wasn’t like a weapon I possessed. It was my aura. It was a part of me and a part of everyone. I wasn’t creating anything out of thin air, I was using what already existed.

“I really don’t feel comfortable at all, Loki.” I couldn’t bring myself to do anything with my powers. It suddenly hurt to look at the auras that surrounded me. I wanted to crawl back in bed.

“Alright. New approach,” Loki announced, rubbing his hands together, evil villain style. He looked around at the gym. “It’s a bit tight in here, isn’t it?”

I shrugged and nodded, but Loki didn’t even look at me for a response. His aura dashed to his fingers, swirling around his palm as he raised his arm. Slowly, he moved his arm, rotating his body around the room, and as he did, the entire location changed. We were suddenly in an open, grassy field. I looked at Loki, confused.

“Where-”

“It’s actually quite hard to explain, but you won’t hurt anyone here,” Loki answered, looking around at the open field, breathing in the fresh air.

“I could hurt you,” I pointed out.

“You won’t,” he replied, not a care in the world. “Now, let’s figure this out.”

He helped me get comfortable again. He let me lift him up, talked me through relearning illusions, flying, picking up inanimate objects.

“You feel better?” Loki asked as i guided myself back down.

“Yeah,” I replied, breathing hard. I had tried to do tricks in the air.

“You really need to better your stamina,” Loki observed.

I reluctantly nodded. “Yeah, I know,” I grumbled. “I’m using my energy, though. I can’t just… make more.”

Loki picked up a finger. “Ah, which reminds me. Do you have any idea how you created that… pulse? If that was all your own power, you should have passed out or-”

“No, I should have died,” I corrected him. Loki fell silent, but I didn’t let the air stay quiet for long. “I think I used the energy from the electric rope around me? Or just from the auras around me… I’m not really sure. It was a blur.”

Loki nodded along, thinking. “I have an idea.”

“I’m not doing that again,” I said, stopping any plan he was forming.

“You need to know how to control it and how to do it,” he told me while I shook my head vigorously. “It could be very useful.”

“No, Loki. If something goes wrong I don’t know what could happen.”

“You won’t hurt me.”

“I might!” I barked. “Once again, I don’t know-”

“I can protect myself.” Loki’s voice felt like he was putting a spell on me. So firm and confident but also soothing and gentle.

“You haven’t in the past,” I argued, thinking back to the two times I launched him across a room with barely any effort.

Loki tilted his head with a smirk. “You think I would let you push me over that many times and not figure out how to defend myself? Don’t forget our first lesson.”

“How could I ever?” I said dryly, shaking my head. “You only bring it up every five seconds.”

“Trust me,” Loki said, tilting his head down, forcing me to look in his eyes. “It’s better for you to do this.”

I bit the inside of my lip and looked around that the open, harmless area. “Fine!” I gave in. “Okay. Fine. Let’s do this. What’s your… stupid idea.”

Loki let out a laugh. “Alright. I’ll summon as much magic as I can. I’m not completely sure how the summoning works. Usually I just… do things, but I’ll try, then you use that energy along with some of yours to create the pulse.”

I sighed and nodded.

“But,” Loki continued, remembering something. “Not too much of your own.”

I continued nodding, then shook my arms out, getting ready. “Okay,” I breathed. “Okay, okay, I’m ready.”

Loki gave a short nod and shut his eyes. I watched him more intently than I every had. His aura became a deep green and flowed around him like a current. It was beautiful. I snapped out of it before I became to dazed and focused his energy the best I could. I felt awake again, like I had during the mission. Loki summoned so much power, it was almost more than what I had felt before. I shut my eyes, quickly becoming overwhelmed. What I previously had thought was just a second wind, I knew now was just pure energy. Pure aura. Whether it was Loki’s natural aura, his magical aura, or my own aura, I had it all. I felt a rush, then a familiar ringing in my ears that meant it was over.

My eyes stayed shut longer than they really needed to, but I almost never wanted to open them again. I was scared of what I might see. When I finally managed to open my eyes, I wasn’t too surprised. The grassy field was now mainly dirt and upturned plants. I whipped around, trying to find Loki, but he wasn’t where he had been.

“Loki,” I said, almost growling. He had promised I wouldn’t hurt him. He had told me he would be fine. If he even had a scratch, I was going to kill him. “Loki?” I called, louder this time.

“Here.” I heard a gravelly voice call from behind a small hill that used to be covered in grass. I ran over to the voice despite my legs being jelly. I jumped to the bottom of the small hill and found Loki there, on his back, face covered in dirt.

“You said you wouldn't get hurt!” I screamed, angrier than I had ever been. “Fuck, Loki, you said!”

“I’m fine!” He assured me, trying to sound confident but it failed when he grimaced slightly as he sat up. I fell to his side, conflicted between being concerned or furious. “I’m really fine. It happened more suddenly that I thought it would, so I was just a bit late in deploying my shield.”

“I swear to god, Loki, I’m so pissed right now I just-” I growled through clenched teeth. Loki laughed and put his hand on my arm. I glared at him in response.

“That was impressive,” he said, looking at me in admiration.

“Thanks,” I muttered in response. “I don’t like doing it.”

“But now you know how. It could be-”

“Very useful, I know.”

Loki nodded and looked down, then back at me. “No one is going to force you to use it. We don’t have to tell the others about this.”

I licked my lips. “I’d rather not.”

Loki and I looked at each other in understanding and in… something else that I couldn’t pinpoint.

“You have so much dirt on your face,” I said with a small smile. Loki only kept staring at me, one eyebrow ever so slightly cocked, as if I hadn’t said anything. I cleared my throat. “Hello? Earth to Loki?” I waved a hand in front of him, snapping him out of whatever trance he had been in.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Shall we return?”

I nodded, eyebrows furrowed, and he put us back in the gym within seconds. Loki’s aura was still fairly active as we stood up, and mine was as well, despite having recovered from my aura pulse. But it was strange because I didn’t feel energetic or frantic or overwhelmed like when I was about to release the pulse.

I suddenly reached my arm out and grabbed Loki’s sleeve, forcing him to look at my distraught facial expression. “Oh my god,” I said, heart racing. “I forgot my sausage biscuits in the microwave.”

Another A/N: Okay wait wouldn’t “Pulse” be a cool superhero name for aura reader? Maybe that’s just me? Idk I feel like that’s pretty damn cool.

TAGGED:

@sarahivi @ilvermornyqueen @gladerb5 @tbetz0341 @1800-fight-me @nowitsyourturntocry @lokilover2000 @emergenciesstory @savemealoevera @frostymoon11 @stayfrosty-royalsunshine @scarred-neptinite @phonegalhelp @cruisingheightswithdragons @lusty-loki @ourdeliciousfoxcollector

#loki #loki x reader #loki imagine #loki fanfiction #loki x aura reader #aura reader #aura!reader #loki x aura!reader #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel fanfcition

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izzy-b-hands · 3 years

Text

In the weirdest fucking headspace today over two very intense dreams I had (that utterly fucked up my sleep last night, hence why I'm waking up at 12 in the fucking afternoon when I had an alarm set for ten lmao.)

Warning in advance that I'm on mobile and this post will be long, my apologies but I need to get this out now or I'm not even gonna be able to roll out of bed. TW for parts of the dreams which feature: a funeral, a funeral procession, issues with family, drowning/death via being swept out to sea, and also some odd romance/implied sex because sure why not apparently.

The first woke me up at like five, and was v weird but distinct:

Mum and I were getting to her car, that for unexplained reasons was parked at a local funeral home, which for some reason was on a hill (we don't have many hills here, v flat place, but in the dream it was all hills, almost mountains.) The implication I got in the dream was that it was the only parking spot left which is weird but sure I guess.

We didn't actually attend the funeral going on inside, but it finished up as we were trying to leave, discussing usual stuff we do before we go home like do we have the cash/feel lazy enough to get fast food on the way home instead of cook. And before mum could back out of the spot they started loading the hearse and ppl were all over the lot which pissed mum off, so she drove OVER THE FUCKING SIDEWALK AROUND PLANTS IN CEMENT PLANTERS ON THE SIDEWALK to get past them!

Which was half pointless anyway, because my grandparents were in their car right by the entrance/exit and made fun of her for doing that and for not wanting to be in the procession to the cemetery. Grandpa specifically told her 'theres a word for ppl who do what you do, we have a saying about you' and laughed at her, but wouldn't explain that further.

This next bit had me legit looking up funeral procession laws when I woke up. Because mum did get caught somehow behind the hearse even tho we'd left the lot well before it did? And was somewhat understandably flipping out because we weren't actually meant to be a part of the procession, we'd only parked there because there was nowhere else to. And if we looked back you could see my grandparents laughing at us for panicking, so finally mum broke the procession and headed up this v hilly road, winding, again almost mountainous. The last thing we saw was my grandparents looking at us and glaring. Mum kept freaking out abt how it wasn't her fault she'd had to break the law and break the procession, but she wasn't going to lose her job over all this (no idea what in the fuck that has to do with it all frankly, but she said it in the dream.)

I kept trying to calm her and said we could turn around, or pause in someone's driveway (the roads were all lined with familiar houses we've driven past irl) but she wouldn't calm, and the last thing I remember before I woke up was her turning the wheel harshly and hearing the tires skid on the edge of the very high up mountain road.

So needless to say that fucked me up and I didn't sleep again until abt eight, because I went to shower and try and chill out before crawling into my bed in my room, before I'd been passed out on the couch.

Only to then have this dream before I woke up just recently:

No family in this one, only band members from bands I like and their family (which is just my brain making a good casting decision I suppose lol.) Specifically, Queen and Avatar.

The issue was...odd. We were stuck very near the seaside, near a boardwalk that looked alarmingly similar to the one in GTA/that tbh you would see in any game modelled after the West coast. In a building that Brian (though in the dream, it was hard to know it was him?? Like him and Bri and Freddie and John kept switching ages, one minute it was 70s Bri, then suddenly Bri now, and it was hard to follow for some reason) knew and explained to us was an old boarding school building, often used for safety for folks during times of flooding.

And in the dream I just went sure yeah okay because I had no reason to believe otherwise, and also a storm was raging outside and had been for the entire dream. Like we could hear waves hitting the building constantly.

Which was extra dangerous, because the Avatar lads and their family members (I was told all their families were there, like Henrik's wife and kids plus Paky and Jacob with Johannes, Tim's pup was there, but I only saw them randomly for the rest of the dream after being told by John (Avatar John, to clarify lol) that they had brought everyone with them) were up on this balcony that we had been instructed (by who, no fucking clue, but we trusted them implicitly apparently) was the safest place in the building and measuring from it and the iron rod fencing around it that matched the same on the building across from us would ensure our safety more (if the waves hit with a certain strength on buildings too far apart, the buildings would both be washed out to sea. Does that make logical sense? Probably not anywhere irl, but it did in the dream.)

So the entirety of Avatar are up there trying to make these measurements, arguing with Bri and Rog especially over this even being helpful to do when

And you can laugh at this, because I did too when I woke up.

There were canoes we could rent (RENT. As if we would be able to bring them back lmao) downstairs instead!! In like a surf shack thing that was in the fucking school building apparently? And bless them for a bit they really thought we could ride out the storm in them (Tim offered to share one with me and his dog. It was v sweet lol.)

Unfortunately, we then immediately (all of us now somehow crowded on the balcony which was way too big for a balcony tbh) watched a bunch of ppl outside the building try to do just that. And they failed. Miserably.

We didn't see bodies, but you just knew they were dead. Paky was crying, John (Queen, since we had two Johns to deal with in this lol) was v upset and kept talking abt how that wasn't a baptism that would get them into Heaven.

So the canoe idea was abandoned even tho the salesdude kept calling up to us and offering what he had left. Nice dude, immediately got swept out to sea by the end of the dream.

Cut back to us on the balcony, panicking. Tim keeps thanking me for holding his dog so she doesn't jump into the sea (she had no intention, and spent the entire dream in his arms, mine, or Jonas's, snuggling and whimpering and it was Honestly Heart Wrenching.) I remind him we're in this together and it's no problem. He pulls me aside for what I'm going to politely censor and just call a v weird and frankly ill-timed makeout session (then again, maybe being about to be swept out to sea is the best time for that?? Idk, but I digress except to say he was a wonderful kisser, but also we both kept crying abt realising we were going to drown, so it was A Lot for both of us I think.)

When we return, Brian has let everyone know that the final calculations are that we will certainly be swept out to sea, but so long as the building stays upright?? We won't drown and die. How does he know this? No explanation was given.

I end up hunkered down with Freddie and Jim and Tim and his pup (the cats for Freddie and Jim I never saw, but heard yowling in their crates so. As safe as can reasonably be???) My Nisha apparently didn't get to go with me for this dream, because I did look for her at points, but couldn't find her (Tim cried with me over that too and helped, v supportive, and now outside of the dream may I say v kind of dream him to do that for me.)

And we just...waited. Knew death was coming, and could do nothing abt it. The only comfort we could reach was that it would be like a museum at the bottom of the sea. Freddie and Tim reasoned that the Titantic, if you could walk in the ruins, might be like that. All old clothes and bones and ppls stuff. And so the school building we were in would be like that too, and we all agreed we liked museums, so maybe it wasn't the worst way to go.

Then the wave actually hit though, and it was just fkn chaos. Tim hanging onto his dog and my waist, myself hanging onto Freddie and Jim by the loops on their jeans (how tf that didn't just rip my fingers off, no idea. *Dream Magic*)

I realized horrifically that as we went down, the building was literally falling apart, bricks and iron work bars flying around us. And all I could see were bones when I looked down into the water, bones from every era but particularly Victorian by the clothes on them for some reason.

What was particularly cruel in this dream was that it ended with a false awakening. I 'woke up' to Tim's arm around my waist, and his nose nuzzling at my neck, asking me wtf I was dreaming abt because I was kicking him and could I pls stop? (Fair request, that's honestly an irl problem that my legs apparently have always tried to fight off bad dreams on their own, much to the bruises and regret of anyone who shares my bed.) And just as I turned around to answer him and tell him how fkn scared I was and how grateful I was he was there and ya know, not dead and drowned,

I woke up for real, alone, in my actual bed.

So now I'm feeling extra lonely, fucked up, and honestly peeved that the dream interpretation dictionary I usually use isn't helping much to make sense of any of this.

#text post #tw death #tw drowning #tw dream interpretation #i guess??? kind of lol #tw funerals #not sure of any other tws to add rn #but if y'all want something added lemme know!!!#and here we see how even when i sleep deeply enough to dream i often wake up and feel weird and exhausted lmao #i really could go off more abt the bits with Tim in this too but i dont wanna be like inappropriate or anything #i know it wasn't real of course it just felt so dang real

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softboyholland · 7 years

Text

mj gets knocked up in her last year of college

she goes to harvard and he's mit

so she barely ever sees him

and on top of that, he picks up the whole spidey thing again

so when they reunite things get rlly heated obvs

but then

she gets pregnant w his CHILD SKJKJK

and she finds out like a month before her finals

she keeps it to herself

although she knows the right thing to do is to tell him

but tbh she couldn't even if she wanted to

that’s how busy he is

so now her hormones are x100

and then the daily bugle's front page is of spider-man kissing some girl

WHO IS NOT HER

AND THAT IS THEIR SPECIAL upside-down KISS

ok so great whatever right

it totally does not matter at all that this

GIRL MUST BE THE PRETTIEST GIRL SHE'S EVER SEEN

but whatever

he was probably on the spot so he had to do it

it's fiNEEEE

then they schedule a date

and mj decides that enough is enough

and not telling him that she's carrying his OWN CHILD is a lil stupid

but that date is a disaster

bc for the most part of the date, he only talks about some girl called gwen stacy and some grand scheme between the two of them that she wasn't even listening to

and then in the 20 min mark, something happens and he leaves because he's gtg save the world!! wooo

and whatever she's not even surprised

so she goes home

and from simple googling, she realises that gwen stacy is the same person he kissed the other day

well isn't this rich

so now she's afraid

and she's never been this afraid because WHAT THE FUCK

MAYBE HE WOULDN'T WANT THE KID

and maybe she should abort her child

(that she's already grown attached to) but she doesn’t know that

so she calls liz and tells her about her plan and her dilemma

and liz tells her to take another pregnancy test

because maybe she's been cutting down on all her caffeine for nothing

and liz does that thing that phoebe does to rachel in friends

(for those of u who have never watched friends, liz tells her that the test came back negative and michelle starts tearing up because she's been attached to this baby already and now it's just gone so she's crying but then liz says that she lied and that the test is actually positive and michelle realises thats she wants to keep the baby)

and they both scream when they realise that there's a tiny smol growing inside of her

and michelle is crying omg

but then, she has a bigger problem

aka the father of this tiny smol

ok so liz tells her to wait until the whole gwen thing blows over

and that if peter doesn't come to his senses, she's going to take this whole gwen thing into her own hands

but somehow she finds herself looking at her reflection in the mirror, two weeks later

her hair is a greasy, knotted mess, at the top of her head, and there's a teeny tiny bump that most ppl mistake as a food belly there are dark circles under her eyes, and her skin looks rlly dull and her eyes are all red and puffy

then she thinks of gwen and her perfect eyes, and her perfect face and wow!

now she feels like shit

but whatever, she decides

because rn she just needs to get thru her finals

which are in two weeks btw

bc she will find a job and she will be able to support her baby

she knows it

so she studies like hell right

but then she takes like a practice test and she F A I L S

FAILS

MICHELLE JONES NEVER FAILS

and then she finally snaps

because her overbearing parents are going to kill her for getting knocked up by some white boi who doesn't even love her anymore

and now she's never gonna graduate from uni and she'll never be able to support her baby financially

and her parents aren't even going to help her because they'll probably disown her

then peter shows up at her apartment

and she wipes away her tears

but peter isn't stupid

um hELLO??? HE KNOWS WHEN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE HAS BEEN CRYING

but she goes in for a kiss

and wow! he's missed her so much

then things start getting heated and she pushes him away'

and she decides to break up w him

don'T BLAME HER

HER HORMONES ARE A MESS RN

and then peter gets pissed

because he's stressed too

and don't think he hasn't noticed her distant replies to his snapchats and his texts

SO IT BECOMES A FULL BLOWN FIGHT IN HER APARTMENT

AND THEN FINALLY HE LEaves

and maybe the hinges on her door are a little loose bc of him slamming it so hard

but don't be fooled he never actually L E A V E S ???

like duh

he just stands outside her apartment and listens to the faint sobs coming from inside

and although he wants nothing more than to go back inside and to apologise and hug her, he knows that it's only going to make things worse

so he calls ned

when ned gets there, they spend 10 mins silently arguing outside of her apartment

then finally ned goes in

and well when peter slams the door behind him, mj breaks down

because her life has officially gone to shit

and she calls liz and liz is telling her to calm down and that she'll be there asap

but when the door bursts open and ned comes walking in

she decides that this is probably liz's work??

and when ned hugs her, she doesnt say anything but she subconciously holds her belly

then ned looks down at her and he's like

are u on ur period dood

bc maybe this is just a hormone-induced fight and peter's making a huge deal out of it

but she takes one look at her belly and starts crying again bc she's reminded of her situation

ned, as oblivious as ever, hugs her until she stops crying

so when peter hears mj crying again as he nervously paces outside her apartment

he groans and nearly hits liz

wait

liz toomes allen??

what's she doing here

then he remembers that oh ya right she's close to mj

and the first thing she does is hit peter across the head

gr8

"that's for hurting mj"

and then mj caves and tells ned everything

and finally, she gets around to the pregnancy part

NED'S CRYING NOW

BECAUSE OMG HE'S ONLY EVER DREAMt OF SPIDEYCHELLE GETTING PREGNANT

but then he subtly texts peter

'DUDE GET UR BUTT OVER HERE NOW, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS.'

but no reply because well, he's too busy fuckin having a heart-to-heart w liz

turns out that the whole gwen stacey thing was a scheme

bc gwen stacy was losing her job at the daily bugle and her boss is only interested in spider-man shit

so gwen, his childhood best friend before ned, who knows about his secret identity, offered him a job at the bugle in exchange for some news

and they kissed at some public event and now peter isn't in debt anymore because he has cash

also gwen is gay lol

eventually liz and ned leave

and peter is still contemplating leaving mj alone but he ends up falling asleep on her doorway like a creepy creep-creep

then he's woken up at 12 am bc of his spidey senses

and he bursts thru the door and finds mj on the floor, clutching onto her belly as if her life depended on it and there's a hint of tears in her eyes

now mj doesn't have spidey senses like peter so she has no idea that he's been outside her door for the past 2 hrs

so he helps her up

and then she's like 'sorry, i fell and i landed on my butt and i nearly thought i lost em-'

peter nods because thATS TOTALLY A NORMAL SENTENCE YES VERY-

wait

'you lost what?"

MJ PANICS

welp here goes

then she leads him to the couch

"pls don't freak out."

"that's what you said when you first kissed me so..."

"ok, well, um, remember that night after the uh the battle in manhattan.."

peter smiles

BECAUSE BOYYYYYYY, DOES HE REMEMBER THAT NIGHT

PHEW THAT WAS LEGENDARY

"right ok, so you know there was a lot of tension, and urgency, i guess we kind of forgot to use uh protection."

she gauges his reaction

but he seems normal

she takes a deep breath because wow she's really saying those words

"peter, i'm pregnant."

and he's still nodding along in understanding

jesus christ

but then his eyes widen and

wait

"holy shit! y-you're um, wow! wait, is it mine?"

she smacks his arm

"yes it is, you fuckin idiot! i wouldn't cheat on u!"

"right."

and then silence

"look, i'm keeping them. if you don't want to be involved in this whole...thing, then fine. it's your choice. i'll figure it out on my own, i don't need you any-"

"woah, woah, hold the phone. why are you already taking my child away from me?"

"because, PETER!! i don't think you'd want a baby with me, of all people, after going around and kissing gwen!!! and with your finals coming soon, and with spider-man duties!!!."

"so, that's why you've been so distant! michelle..."

and he explains the whole gwen thing to her and he assures her that he still loves her very much

and that he's been in love w her ever since they were 17 and he still is even when they're 23

"so, you still want to.." and she looks down at her belly

"yeah."

then she starts crying because of her finals and what if she never graduates and she's so glad that he's with her on this

and he kisses her sweetly, her tears on both of their lips, as he tells her that they're going to figure it out together

and that, my friends, is the story of how peter found out about michelle's first pregnancy

#i thought of this during math #so i hope u guys like it #spider-man: homecoming #peter parker #michelle jones #peter x michelle #peter and michelle #ned leeds #liz allen #gwen stacy #spideychelle #spideychelle headcanon #spideychelle hc #spideychelle fanfic

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amndntchpr · 6 years

Text

Unpopular opinion (the 100 edition) : on why we shouldn’t hate S3 Bellamy this much.

Clickbait title ? Maybe. Most titles are after all. But honestly though, in the days coming to the S5 premiere I’ve been rewatching every episode, once a day, and I’m now towards the end of season 3.

Having already seen the series at least once, knowing what happens in S3 and later in S4, I wanted to give a very special attention to Bellamy’s character, because I remember how hated he was for everything he did in S3, and I know I hated him too. Now, I’m not pretending to be a psychiatrist, or a TV show critic. This is just my own opinion, on why Bellamy did what he did.

First, we have to go back to the season 2 finale. Last episode, we all remember that Clarke was left with no other choice to save her people than pulling that lever and irradiating every single person in Mt Weather (yes Jasper, maybe you could’ve killed the president, but there were no guarantee that you could do it or that it would change anything...). Anyway, we tend to vividly remember Clarke pulling that lever, because she had the idea first, and because she then chose to leave camp for months. And as heartbreaking as it must’ve been for Clarke, we shouldn't forget that there was a hand above Clarke’s on that lever. Bellamy’s. Together. Yes, it’s sweet, it means he supports her etc etc, it’s been a great fuel for Bellarke shippers ever since (which I am). But more than that, it meant that he took on a part of this burden, and that they shared the responsibility and the guilt, together. That they could face the consequences, if they stick together in what was next. And in that sense, Clarke leaving camp at the end of season 2 felt like a first treason for Bellamy. But he let her go and didn’t blame her, because he understood she needed time alone. And after that moment, it’s like Bellamy came up with a sort of mantra ‘I will not let anyone else I care about die if I have the means to save them’. Remember that, because this will become of increasing importance in the season to come.

Back to season 3. The season starts with 2 episodes where Bellamy is more than willing (I’d say pretty desperate) to find Clarke, and her running for her life. He finally finds her, and the hard past few months seem to be past them. But they are separated, Bellamy is hurt and has to return to camp, and Clarke is taken by Roan to Lexa in Polis.

Now, this in itself was a setback and felt like a failure for Bellamy. He promised himself that he would protect his people, and failing Clarke, who was perhaps the most important of his people (for him and for the rest of Skaikru) was hard. But he went back to camp, to heal. Remember that in ep 3, when they arrived to Mt Weather and he saw Pike and all of Farm station comfortably settled, he wasn’t happy about it. Same episode, this is where it all goes to shit. He receives word of a threat for Echo, leaves Gina at Mt Weather and speeds to Polis to once again save Clarke, Kane, Abby, everyone at the summit. But of course, it was a set up, and he was betrayed. That hurt. Seconds later, he finds out that everyone but Raven & Sinclair, including his girlfriend (given we didn’t really have time to care about her, but she must’ve meant a lot to him) had been blown up at Mt Weather. And from here on : rage, guilt, despair, all over again. He couldn't save his people. And then, when he asks Clarke to come back to her people, the only think that could help him, and everyone at camp, she refuses and choses to stay with Lexa. Now, I love Clarke, I think she’s a great leader who does and takes on a lot to save her people. She probably thought that staying behind in Polis was what was best for her people, but I personally think that’s one of the biggest mistake she ever made. Had she gone back to Arkadia, I think that A. Pike would’ve never been elected chancellor, and B. Bellamy wouldn’t have joined the dark side. But that’s just speculation. For him, it was more than jealousy or that he missed Clarke, it was that when he needed her the most, but the whole camp needed her to come back, she refused, and that hurt him.

So from that point on, it was bad decision after bad decision. And I’m not trying to fully excuse what he did, because massacring an army of 300 ppl, all the more when they were sent to protect you, is never okay. But I will try to maybe explain why he made these choices, which can be considered quite out of character, reason why it shocked us all. If you look closely at every scene of Bellamy in these 5 episodes or so (yes, only 5 episodes where he was a dick ! Not the whole season !), like I did, you will see that everything he does, more than acting in revenge or spite, he does because he genuinely thinks it’ll save some people. He’s wrong, obviously, but we are omniscient viewers while he’s just a heart-broken skaikru member, who has already been betrayed by Lexa and hasn’t forgotten it ! And on that note enters that royal SOB, Pike. Let’s face it, the dude was sketchy from the start. Okay, he and the farm station had pretty bad first encounter with the grounders when they first landed, but for a teacher, he was surprisingly stubborn and incapable of learning and broadening his horizons... That’s one thing we can all agree on, Pike was an asshole.

And after that, it’s like Pike poisoned everyone of Bellamy’s thoughts, giving him a false sense that he would protect their people in a way that Abby and Kane wouldn’t be able to. That he was willing to do what was necessary to keep safe. And I might be repeating myself here, but that’s all Bellamy has ever wanted. Even while under the influence of Pike, he’s often the only one that we see contesting (often before yielding though) Pike’s ideas when he deems them too harsh or violent. But Pike always had the right word to reassure him, and convince that his way was the best. Bellamy wanted to spare the wounded on the battlefield, he convinced Pike to spare Indra, he argued when they wanted to wipe out that grounders village to make some plantations. Not saying that excuses all the rest, but Bellamy was never truly gone or just brainwashed, he was aware of every decision he made, but made them anyway because he thought it best.

And maybe that’s just Bob’s acting abilities, but watching closely all of these scenes, you could see that he wasn't happy about the decisions he made. But it’s that role of protector, first with his sister, then the 100 that he shared with Clarke, that all of his people, that lead him to a dark path. With Clarke gone, and having to assume this role on his own, the measures he took had to be extreme. No time to grieve, a whole lot of people that he couldn’t let die, and a manipulative, backstabbing mother-f****r that what whispering in his ear. That’s all it took. It’s a shame, it really is, but it came from good intentions (and pain).

Fortunately, he (along with Monty, who I feel was somehow instantly forgiven even though A. he armed the system that killed everyone in Mt Weather and B. he also worked for Pike ?) came back to his senses when Pike ordered the execution of Kane. It was then he realized he’d taken things too far. Kane has been nothing less than extraordinary the whole of season 3, and I so wish he could’ve come through with Bellamy earlier. These two have a special relationship, almost paternal, based on advice and respect (mostly), and it was something Bellamy just couldn’t let happen. Because he cared for Kane, but also because it was against the one thing he was trying to achieve : keeping everyone safe. After that, we all know how it went, he tried to act to save Kane, Sinclair, and Lincoln, couldn’t save Lincoln, was blamed for his death (understandably) and felt mostly guilty and terrible for the rest of season 3.

He had lost his sister, lost the respect of many people including possibly Kane and most people of Arkadia, lost himself. He had tried to take matters into his own hands, and had failed, by trusting the wrong person, and in doing so influencing a lot of people to trust Pike. I do believe that, were it not for Clarke showing him that she personally forgave him and still trusted him, he would’ve been lost. A bit late for the Clarke wise speech perhaps, but it shows that her opinion is invaluable to him, and that he’s not inherently bad, just lost. Anyways, I think we saw in season 4 that he’s still a good guy, and I’m glad that I got to rewatch these episodes, it showed me than there was more to his story and it showed me a new depth of the character.

#the 100 #the 100 season 3 #bellamy blake #clarke griffin

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uraania · 7 years

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jeff atkins x reader (request)

anon request: “can I request a fic wherein either jeff or the reader is sick? and the other has to take care of the sick one? thank youu“

warning(s): just fluff really, some swearing

word count: 2276 lmao i’m sorry i went kinda overboard

a/n: this is my first time writing a request so apologies if it isn’t tip-top, my dudes. i’ve tried to keep jeff in character but idk, i’ve just not had much to base him off so i’m not sure tbh. also, i’d love to hear some opinions/reviews so if you have any, please don’t hesitate to send them my way.

sorry anon, this took me a while but enjoy ━

requests are open again ppl

it was early saturday morning and you were just stirring awake from your peaceful night of netflix and chill (more like make out and chill) with liberty high’s star baseball player and your boyfriend of a few months, jeffrey atkins. his arm was slung loosely over your midriff, your fingers threaded in his, and you could feel his warm breath fanning the back of your neck from behind.

you noticed how his muscled front felt a little warmer than usual against your back but you didn’t pay it much thought. jeff was like a sauna and cuddling with him was the equivalent of cuddling a hot water bottle, albeit a giant, soft one that could cuddle you back.

you doubted if there was anything more perfect to wake up to but your satisfaction was washed away when it dawned upon you what was in store for you today– your first interview at a college. and this wasn’t just any college, it was one of the top colleges in the country, not to mention the one you had been working your ass off to get into for the past two/three years.

you were known to be very clever, a honor roll student at liberty now, but that hadn’t always been the case. getting into this college meant a lot as you had may sceptics, including yourself, to prove wrong.

with a sigh, you remove jeff’s hand from your body, careful not to wake him, and haul yourself to your feet. deftly slipping your bra on under one of his baseball shirts, which had been borrowed last night after a silly water fight that ensured while doing the dishes together, you headed towards the bathroom to get ready.

jeff was never getting the shirt back, not while it still smelled like him, anyway. he always complained that you stole his clothes, and you did, but you knew he actually liked seeing you in them.

returning shortly, fully dressed and prepped for the day, at least physically, you find jeff still fast asleep. you quirk an eyebrow; it was unlike him to stay asleep long after you woke up. hell, it was usually him that woke up first, proceeding to quietly play with your hair or gently stroke your face with the back of his hand while you pretended to be asleep to make the moment last, although you both knew you weren’t.

“jeff, baby, wake up.” you call out, crossing the room back over to the bed.

sitting down next to him, you gently rock him back and forth with a hand on his upper arm. “come on, sleeping beauty.”

the only response you receive is incoherent mumbling and with a slight chuckle to yourself, you place your hands on either side of his body and lean down for a good morning kiss. most ‘good morning kisses’ did tend to turn into heated make out sessions with you straddling his hips but, hey, you weren’t complaining.

however, just as your lips were about to meet, jeff quickly turns his head to the side and you end up kissing him on the cheek instead. pulling back, confused, almost hurt even, you cock your head at him with a questioning glance.

he didn’t want you to kiss him? was he mad at you? why on earth would he be mad?

he shakes his head, seeing the silent question in your eyes. “i think i’m sick y/n and i don’t want you to catch it.”

when he speaks, it’s in a raspy voice as if getting just those few words was painful. you’re only relieved for a second before it gives away to worry for him. it was the first time either of you had gotten ill while you were dating so you didn’t really know what to do and you could feel yourself starting to panic.

pressing a hand to his forehead, the first thing your parents always did when you said you weren’t feeling well, you see that he does indeed have a temperature.

“you’re warm.” you mumble, concern laced in your voice.

it’s quiet for a while before you see determination slip into jeff’s eyes. he moves suddenly, using his bent arms as leverage to hoist himself into a sitting position, almost knocking you off his bed in the process. he quickly grabs you by the waist, pulling you up and steadying you.

“no, i’ll be fine. go get your things ready, you’re going to be late otherwise.”

he was referring to the interview you had today, and of course he was right, but you didn’t want to leave him when he was like this.

seeing your apprehension, jeff begins, “don’t worry i can still drive you there. i’ll be up in a se—“

“what?” you cut him off.

yes, the plan had been for him to drive you there, as you were yet to get your license, but making him do that when he was ill hadn’t even crossed your mind. in fact, you were rather pissed that he thought that’s what you were worried about.

“jesus christ jeff, how much of a selfish dick do you take me for? of course you aren’t driving me there.” you huffed, angrily. “you aren’t going anywhere today.”

jeff’s lips tug themselves into a weak smile, a smile you knew was meant to reassure you. “i’m fine, y/n. i can drive us there. trust me, i’m good.”

“oh yeah, sure, and i’m the queen of england.”

you try push him back down on the bed by his shoulders but to no avail. it looked as if he was going to insist on this one. however, you weren’t about to take any crap from your boyfriend. not today.

“don’t argue with me on this, atkins.” you warn. “lie down, now, because i swear i’ll tie you to the fucking bed if i have to.”

it was unlike you to be this aggressive or harsh, especially with jeff, but if this moron thought he was driving you to an interview in his state, he really didn’t know a thing about you. also the selfless, yet clueless, behaviour was starting to grind on your nerves now and he too must’ve noticed this because he finally relented, laying down on his back.

“hold on, i’ll go get your mum.” you move away from him, leaving the bedroom.

you don’t hesitate to speak to the woman whom you’ve come to know rather well and, in seconds, she’s in a flurry of concern and worry for her baby boy. she jogs up the stairs to his room with you not far behind, taking the steps two at a time.

amidst his complains and protests that he was fine, mrs atkins manages to extract enough information from jeff to conclude that he’s probably just got a cold. you’re relieved that it’s nothing serious but you were hopelessly in love with jeff and it made your heart ache seeing him like this. jeff atkins, who normally had boundless energy, trying to put up a strong front in order to not worry you or his mother.

mrs atkins apologises, since she too knows about your interview, but asks nevertheless whether you don’t mind waiting with jeff while she goes out to the pharmacy to get some cold medicine. you agree at once. as much of a deal as that college was, jeff meant, and always would mean, far more to you.

yet jeff being jeff, constantly putting you first, regains his strength enough to argue that you have to go.

“no, she can’t miss her interview, mom.”

“jeff, for goodness sake, i really don’t care—“

he’s the one interrupting you now. “y/n please. you have to go.” he begs. “not that i need anyone to stay with me but since you’re insisting, mom you can stay. i’ll just text clay and ask him to pick up whatever you want for me. he was supposed to tutor me this weekend anyway so he’s probably free.”

that much was true. you weren’t much of an email checker and had only seen the email from the college a few days ago though they’d sent it a while back. when you told jeff about it, he didn’t think twice before asking clay to call a rain check on their tutor sessions so that he could accompany you. you always found yourself doing these things together nowadays.

mrs atkins seemed convinced. “ok, it seems like we have an alternative so i’ll let you two decide on your own.” she offered you a smile before leaving the room.

once she was gone, you approach his bed and sit down with a small sigh. “i don’t want to leave you, jeff. i feel bad.”

“babe, i’m not upset. i want you to go.” he attempted to reassure you, squeezing one of your hands in his. “i know how much getting in to (insert college name) means to you.”

you weren’t convinced. “you mean more. you’ll always mean more.”

that brought a smile to his face, crinkles forming in the corners of his eyes in affection. “fine. let’s put it this way then.” he began, bringing your hand up to his face to press a kiss to the back of it. “you know i’m going to hate myself if i make you miss that interview.”

he definitely wasn’t kidding there. jeff had the tendency to blame himself for things that weren’t in his power to control, and so weren’t his fault, in the first place. you think for a while before answering. “alright, fine.” you sigh. “i’ll go.”

“thank you.” he smiled. that perfect, toothy smile that always took your breath away. it still amazed you how such a genuinely good person could exist, and even more so how you had managed to make them fall in love with you.

“no, thank you.” you squeeze a hand between his head and the pillow, bringing your head down to press your foreheads together. your other hand was still tightly clutched in his. “you have no idea how much i love you, jeffrey atkins.”

he pecks your nose affectionately, still smiling softly at you. “i love you too, doll, but you’re going to get sick as well if you’re this close to me.”

“i don’t care. sick people need cuddles.”

“i’ll feel bad if you get sick though.”

“and i feel bad that i’m leaving you when you’re like this.” you pause. “you just try to get better now, yeah? i’ll be back as soon as possible.“

“ok, mom.”

“jeff, i’m serious.”

“yeah, yeah, whatever.” he waves you off. “just go smash that interview. score me a home run.”

you couldn’t help but chuckle at the corny use of baseball terminology; jeff was always doing that. shaking your head, you press your lips against his forehead.

“anything for you.”

——

around three/four hours later and you were back from your interview, jogging down jeff’s driveway to get to his front door. you had taken the bus since no one was there to drive you and as far as you were concerned, the interview had gone pretty well. not that you were too concerned about it in the first place, still agonising about having to leave jeff when he needed you the most.

you knocked on the door, trying to be quiet, as you guessed that jeff was probably asleep upstairs. your assumptions were confirmed when mrs atkins opened the door, whispering to you that he had fallen asleep not long ago. you also found out from her that clay had come over earlier, bringing along the things from the convenience store that she had asked him to bring.

excusing yourself, you tiptoe up the stairs and open the door to his room, all the while being as quiet as you possibly could be. the sight of your boyfriend, laying on his side, dozing softly, brings a smile to your face. quiet snores fill the room.

he looks to be in a much better state than you left him in. you carefully slip under the covers beside him, placing a hand on the back of his head to pull him in to your chest. you’ve dozed off, still smiling, before you know it.

you’re in that weird state of consciousness between being asleep and being awake when you feel a hand gently rocking you as a familiar voice repeats your name, over and over.

you ignore it at first but open your eyes at the persistence of the voice. “y/n? what are you doing?” the voice asks and suddenly, it all comes back to you.

“napping.” you reply simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, staring blankly at jeff.

“you’re going to get sick. i told you not to get too close.”

“you’ll have to try a little harder that that if you want to keep me away, babe.”

“y/n—“

“plus, you looked adorable, sleeping there like that. how could i resist?”

“you’re not sweet-talking your way out of this.”

“oh, i think i will.” you grinned, pulling him towards you before he could reply so that your bodies were pressed flush against each other. jeff knew you too well to think that anything he could possibly say would dissuade you from cuddling with him right now.

you heard him sigh in defeat, mumbling something about how much trouble you were. he can’t have been that annoyed though, as he wrapped both arms around your body to draw you close and tangled his legs with yours, burrowing his face into your neck.

“you’re such a handful, i swear.”

“love you too, jeff.”

#jeff atkins #jeff atkins x reader #13 reasons why #13rw #jeff atkins imagine #request #jeff atkins fluff #th1rteen r3asons why #13 reasons why imagine #requests open

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thepsychicclam · 7 years

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The worst part of social anxiety is not knowing if ppl’s reactions are reality or just in your head.

I have been battling with my head for weeks abt whether or not ppl are being cool or not with me. It’s easy to say “it’s all in your head!!!” But I’m terrified I said something to upset ppl or am just overall generally annoying to ppl.

i think the problem is that i went a few yrs with very few IRL friends. i had my sister and my bff, but other than coworkers and students, i didn’t have friends or ppl i went out with. when i moved to boston, it was literally my sister. and now, i’m making some friends. i’ve gone to dinner, to their houses, you know - having friends like a normal person.

it’s hard. that sounds so STUPID. it’s not like we’re super close or anything. it’s very casual friends. but god, it triggers my social anxiety EVERY TIME WE’RE TOGETHER. my brain just whirls and overanalyzes and is paranoid and - it sucks. i hate spending every evening after interacting dissecting what i said and thinking i’m an idiot or said something wrong. i hate being around them and not knowing WHAT to say and being awkward and not understanding how to easily join a conversation and then trying and accidentally interrupting or speaking over someone.

like i went to one of their houses friday night, and i was so anxious i was sweating through my clothes. and i swear, my life is like bridget jones bc that is me in any social situation. and there was a semi-cute single guy there that was nice and i tried talking to him, but i became monosyllabic and stumbled over my words and my brain froze and when he looked at me and smiled, i just kinda maybe smiled and turned my eyes to the floor bc i can’t look at a cute dude and smile wtf?????

like, i used to be able to socialize with ppl. wtf happened to me??? it’s like the last decade i have been in this whole with like 2 friends and my parents and very few other “friends”. talking to coworkers and students is easy. it’s short, small talk. and you can just not say anything and no one cares. but trying to talk to friends is so difficult.

it doesn’t help that we’re VERY different. they’re very small town southern, not into geeky things. they don’t watch the same television shows and movies i do and don’t really read books. their jobs are very different. i like them - don’t get me wrong. but fundamentally, i feel so different. and sometimes i feel like THAT person bc they have barely left their tiny town in south carolina to do anything, and i’ve traveled all over the US and europe and lived in three different states and had like a zillion jobs and have all these interests and i just have stopped saying things bc i feel like THAT guy when i don’t mean to be THAT guy. i’ve just done a lot. it’s like the one thing i have going in my life. i have no friends, no boyfriend, no kids, but i’ve lived and traveled a lot of places and done a lot.

idk. my depression is popping up. the semester is over, so it’s summer break. it’s a weird transition time. plus, i’m working from home so i’m just going to crossfit and that’s it. i’m not getting dressed in nice clothes or fixing my hair or putting on makeup. so i hate looking in the mirror right now. yes, i know i can do those things to make myself feel pretty even though i’m just sitting on the couch, but i’m just busy and don’t want to spend an horu of my day curling my hair when i could be, idk, reading or writing or watching a movie.

and i’m behind on my dissertation again. if you’ve been following me for awhile, you know i’ve talked about the dickbag dissertation director i have. which reacts very negatively with my anxiety and depression. i’ve got 4.5/5 chapters 1st drafts written. i have comments to revise on them. i want to revise, but i just have to START. but i’ve convinced myself (with zero support from the dissertation direct) that i suck and shouldn’t even be getting this fuckign phd. i know he doesn’t think i’ll finish bc of my life and mental problems, and i KNOW i can finish and prove that asshole wrong. it’s just...probably the hardest thing i’ve ever done. if i would have known it would have been like this, i either wouldn’t have gotten one or chosen a speciality i liked less just to work with someone who believed in me.

and i have the worst case of writer’s block i’ve had in ages. like i just stare at word. it’s been like that since like january. i just want to WRITE. i have so many ideas bouncing around in my head and i’m getting depressed bc i CAN’T write like i’ve broken something inside me.

this is all so stupid. it’s just a bad bad night. i’ve been having mild anxiety attacks for like 3-4 weeks, like low level anxiety and trouble breathing like there’s a band around my waist making it hard to get in oxygen. and tonight i just...idk...i don’t want to sleep bc i want to cry but i’m fucking exhausted. my sister had minor outpatient surgery last week that took a toll on her, and she’s been sick for like 4-5 mths, and i’ve been trying to take care of her, our new dog, the house, and my 2 jobs. and my disseration. and i did this research project in my research-based comp class this semester, which was really cool, bc i’m trying to bulk up the teaching/pedagogy part of my cv (bc i hopefully will be on the job market in the next year or so). and that took a lot of time, but i got accepted to 2 teaching conferences speaking about it, so yayes for that. and i’ve been keeping up with crossfit, but my diet has been kinda wonky, so FOOD GUILT and stress eating. and my parents were here helping me with my sister for like a week, which was great, except being with my parents is like a THING and the most exhausting thing ever. we just argue the whole time and they hate being at our hosue bc we do things differently than they do, and my mom kept making all these comments about how i haven’t taken good enough care of my sister for the past 4-5 mths that she’s been sick, and like they buy all this food and stuff to bring with them bc what we have isn’t good enough, or it’s snide comments like “well, they don’t eat BREAD...why don’t you use butter? i brought my own meat bc we don’t EAT that stuff...we don’t eat *insert bad food followed by eating different bad foods but getting mad when i point out the hypocrisy*” etc etc. and my mom has an eating disorder/body image problems (runs in the family, surprise surprise) which kinda floats over into me and things she says to me, and she constantly makes snide comments about me doing crossift, and like i love my mom, but omg i just want to be like WHY CAN’T THINGS BE GOOD WHEN YOU’RE HERE?? and that upsets me bc it’s like oil and water and i feel guilty.

it’s just been stressful this year already. we’ve had a lot going on. i just need a break. but idek what i’d do with a break bc i can’t relax. and i can’t write bc of the writer’s block,w hich stresses me out, and when i’m watching tv, i feel like i should be writing or dissertating or working, so i’m just constantly in knots.

anyway. this is just a verbal vomit post to see if i could feel better and dissipate some of these anxiety/depression feelings and get to bed.

#personal

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