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#but like. it's insane. it's insane to decide that a character who IS EXPLICITLY ATTRACTED TO MULTIPLE GENDERS. is actually gay
elfcollector · 8 months
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bi women can be masculine and prefer topping and still be bi! bi men can be flamboyant and still be bi! sexuality is not entirely dependent on how many gay stereotypes you fit, thought we'd got this sorted in 2010 but what the fuck do i know!
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loving-family-poll · 4 months
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Ultimate Incest Tournament - Round 2
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Norma and Norman Bates sculpture by artist "Rainman," titled Murderer
Propaganda under the cut:
Norma/Norman:
The weirdest, most charming mother/son duo ever. Bates Motel took an interesting story and turned it into something greater, exploring Norma and Norman's relationship with sincere sympathy. Their love for each other is beautiful, but destructive; their intimacy was born out of necessity and shared pain; the world won't leave them alone. It's awful to witness. It's beautiful and heartbreaking.
i mean COME ON. Norma is constantly upset that Norman expresses interest in other women. She hid her husband from Norman because she knew Norman would throw a hissy fit over them being together (which he did)
He tried to commit murder-suicide so they could die together and when he survived he taxidermied her corpse so they could be together forever
Norman “It’s like there’s a cord between us” x Norma “Honey that’s - that’s from Jane Eyre” are everything to me. I’m barely scratching the surface in doing justice to their insanity. They mean everything to each other and I love their fucked-up codependency so dearly.
After he killed her he couldn't live without her so literally absorbed her personality and started wearing her clothes and speaking for her and carrying her corpse around and when a woman he was attracted to showed up at the hotel he killed her as his mother bc of his mother's jealousy??
Gerard/Mikey:
Vocalist and bassist respectively of my chemical romance. they are insanely codependent (describing themselves as the same person just different heights etc). gerard has also licked mikeys nipple onstage. good times
Gerard is decidedly super abnormal about mikey. he has written many songs about him that are always adjacent to straight up love songs. he has also been explicitly sexual with him (giving him a pantomime handjob, caressing his chest, saying he looks like a hooker etc etc) while also constantly babying him. theyre codependent and they finish each others sentences and theyre in ickydisgusting brotherlove❤️❤️❤️❤️
Grew up together as the outsiders in their New Jersey town and spent their teenhoods together in a musty basement. Mikey learned to walk by running after Gerard and face-planting. Gerard drew comics for Mikey and told him stories. They went to a Smashing Pumpkins concert together and decided that being in a band is what they wanted out of life. Mikey learned the bass because Gerard was in bands and he wanted to join. Gerard called up Mikey after witnessing 9/11 and told him they're gonna start a band. Everything they do is together, they love each other. And isn't it so much fun to turn that incest?
Mikey Way wrote a comic where the main character, who looks like him from the black parade era, gets a woman pregnant. Which isn't incestuous on its own, but she looks like the female version of Gerard Way from the black parade era. Love is love or something
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diezmil10000 · 1 year
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what was your dave hc for that davekat comic? just curious
okay so. two things. first of all a content warning for discussing homophobia and child abuse (i mention child sexual abuse but don’t go into detail). second of all, i read homestuck for the first time last month and i’ve never read any analysis of dave’s character, so i have no idea of what the general opinion is!
this is insanely long so it’s all under the cut, sorry if you didn’t expect this wall of text anon
i think it's pretty much explicitly canon that dave has a complicated relationship with his attraction to men, both because of internalised homophobia and because of the abuse he suffered as a child from his bro. as someone who didn’t pay much attention to dave until later pages, i want to say that his first meeting with dirk was the only moment in all homestuck that made me cry and left me with my heart stinging. i had to stop reading for a while
my comic was the result of days of thinking of how dave is a deeply repressed and traumatised boy who left earth thinking being gay is a joke, only to fall for another boy whose entire species is bisexual by default. i like to interpret dave as someone who is simultaneously uncomfortable with and yearning for intimacy – he is kinda okay with having a partner, with casually making out, but he freaks out the moment he has to talk about his feelings or take things a step further. the fact that he (as davesprite) suddenly breaks up with jade, unable to put his feelings into words for a proper explanation; the way he (pre-retcon) describes his relationship with terezi on the meteor as “a thing” and refuses to talk to karkat (or anyone) about it; the whole goddamn conversation between him and karkat and john in the final arc… this poor kid has gone through a lot
a lot of the abuse he’s suffered because of his bro is very explicit, like being denied privacy, but a lot of it is also left implied. he’s weirdly fixated on dirk being gay, not only because he wants to know how he came out, but also because learning about it made him have a realization about his bro that he refuses to even bring up in the conversation. the first though i had was that he went through some kind of sexual abuse, not necessarily involving physical touch (though it could be) but strong enough to damage his perception towards his own body. even for a headcanon in which that doesn’t happen, dave says his bro never truly loved him, and i can imagine him having never received any kind of genuine physical affection
we also have to take into account that dave’s last sight of earth was 2009’s earth. we’re in 2023 as i’m writing this and men all over the world still have a complicated relationship with affection and feelings, especially straight men towards other men. dave grew up in a time in which gay marriage wasn’t legal in the united states, in which a lot of feminist ideas were outright discarded as crazy, and he never had to question lgbt issues because all of his crushes before karkat were girls. so he left earth being not exactly homophobic but finding jokes about gay people funny, and then he was forced to live with aliens that don’t understand heteronormativity because they quite literally don’t care about gender. and on top of that, the only other human in the meteor who happens to be his sister is suddenly a lesbian, and he feels like he’s the only one who can’t come to terms with his own sexuality
as much as it’s tempting to think that dave and rose had some conversations about the topic on the meteor, to me it is much more interesting to think that they haven’t. rose is another can of worms, and i personally love that the way she sorted her feelings out is 100% up to interpretation (i have dozens of explicitly repressed lesbians to read about in other media) – however, in every possible scenario i imagine dave dying to ask her personal questions, but ultimately deciding against it because it would put him in a vulnerable position. he isn't alone, but he's been taught to believe he is
so, finally coming back to how i envisioned my davekat comic: they have made out more than once but they have never talked about how they feel about it. karkat is afraid to death of hurting dave because he apparently can’t stop hurting his loved ones! but he guesses that at this point they are both on the same page and they should take it a step further and maybe dave just needs someone else to silently take the initiative? which isn't entirely wrong (they are horny teenagers physically craving for touch), but the sudden skin-to-skin contact is too much for dave, who isn’t mentally prepared for this. and he won’t be prepared until he talks about it, but he will eventually. because he will learn that he isn't alone and he will never be
honestly, out of all things i didn’t expect when i read homestuck, the last one was a well written teenager coming to terms with the fact that he’s bisexual. i really don’t want to hear any debate about this topic, because i was genuinely touched by how human dave’s development felt and that’s the emotion i want to remember. i too have been a lgbt teenager with no words to describe my experiences, afraid of coming out to my friends, and it was very nice to read that two of the four main protagonists of homestuck are explicitly lgbt. sorry if the wording isn’t the most pleasing, i know that literally almost every homestuck character is explicitly lgbt (you could argue that all kids are), but i guess that rose and dave being *inarguably* lgbt while being so important to the story makes my heart warm. we don’t usually get stories like this that get so insanely popular. also, i hope this hasn’t come across as me reducing dave to his insecurities and sexuality, it was after all a reply to a specific question!!
thank you for the interest anon, and thank you for reading all of this to anyone who has :)
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sevicia · 20 days
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Writer Guy's only "friend" who sucks majorly. Notes under da cut. Heart.
Firstly ☝️ he's heavily inspired by the experience of having someone follow you around even after you have told them very explicitly to stop doing so. Writer Guy will look him dead in the eye and say "I don't care about anything you have to say. Leave me alone, you annoy the shit outta me", and he'll just go "Bro you're always so funny LOL I'm probably the only one that gets ur sense of humor. Anyways, about my new podcast idea..."
This guy's deal is that he's obsessed with others' perception of him. He's an aspiring influencer and can't decide between being a youtuber, a streamer, or having a podcast. He's into crypto and defends NFTs like it's his job.
He met Writer Guy in college and has stuck to him like a leech ever since, even though they only had a few classes together. His reasoning was that Writer Guy seemed like the lone-wolf type and thus would attract attention with his ~mysterious~ charm, when in reality he was so boring that no one really paid him any mind. If you ask any of their ex-classmates, you'll find that no one really remembers either of them.
He spends a lot of time in r/shortguys and gets frustrated that he can't relate to the whole "women only ever pay attention to tall guys and we manlets are all martyrs" thing cause he's never even tried to get with a girl (he will lie about this). He's gay as hell but in almost complete denial. Genuinely believes stuff like "it's not gay with the socks on".
Unserious images that remind me of him:
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I also gotta mention that his role in Mary and Writer Guy's story is very, very minimal, and that he never actually meets Mary. His story is a typical yaoi one where he falls in love with some guy and has one of those cliché "I'm not gay... why do I feel like this towards another man ?!?!!" moments. I chose to do it this way cuz I think it's funny as fuck to have him experience a romcom type thing while Writer Guy is basically Spongebob in the Silent Hill corridor.
I admit I'm not 100% sold on his hair, but it's brown for sure. Why? It just makes sense.
Some design notes including the other two:
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Writer Guy is generally apathetic and would be considered boring at a surface level by 99,9% of the population. He teaches philosophy (ethics, specifically) at the college Mary attends, though they weren't aware of each other before The Events. His lectures are notoriously boring and many of his students sleep thru class or just skip them completely, but he passes them all anyways.
He's a writer in his spare time and writes trashy extreme horror on his (anonymous) blog, which is how Mary becomes aware of him. Stuff happens, his superiors (who are at best ambivalent towards him) find out about his hobby, he gets fired and doesn't care enough to defend himself or to raise any concerns about the school's attitude towards its teachers' private lives.
I also forgot to include his "On" design in the above pic, so here, a comparison:
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I'm very obviously still figuring out how to draw him, but the drawing on the right is what he looks like at work. Just plain dorky and someone you would not look twice at.
I would also talk about his relationship with Mary, but for that I'd need to talk about Mary first, which I can't do rn cuz this post is already long enough and it's nearing 3 AM and she makes me absolutely BONKERS insane to the point I barely even know where to start when I wanna talk about her.
She's the only OC I have ever made a playlist for. I wish she was someone else's character so I could look at her without having to do the work myself.
A little fun fact about her is she used to dye her hair black before The Events. All I got for you rn.
OK that's all from me. For neoww...... Muah!
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firesofdainix · 2 years
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Drew a few things for Alvern Wand, a Ninjago OC I made a few weeks ago to compensate my progress for TAGOMJTR, before they were revamped and also got turned to my Fanseason Firestorm's Main Supporting Character for Kai.
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They go by any kind of pronouns, they don't really care. He's genderfluid. She met Kai with a chance to help him with his grief over Nya, offering her services of her own kind of 'simulation' for him to cope. Eventually, after some shenanigans involving an antagonist (I'm working on it, I'm stuck over the antagonist of the series as of now), their relationship evolved from a office-helper to a much more intimate one. Although Kai notes he couldn't remember most of his day with Alvern, as if someone deliberately blanked his memories out...
Alvern's personality can be chalked up to him being positively optimistic and playful, smiling all the time and cracking jokes. However, their eyes and the way they express things are not very desirable, as they continue to act calm and level-headed in dire situations, as if they don't understand the levity of it. She can also be increasingly formal and closed-off; while she never lies and gives the people who asked her answers they like to hear, she also doesn't give the desires truth either, kind of like Nadakhan with his wishes. He's just a very unsettling person, and if you can delve into his personality, it's mainly inspired by Douma, Shinobu, and Makima.
He is incredibly smart and observant, able to create simulations and better battle plans. He's incredibly tactical, able to outsmart opponents despite not being as strong as Kai when it comes to the battlefield. Kai also finds himself interested in Alvern's eyes, because it looks so close to a sorceror but Alvern explicitly states he doesn't dabble in magic much. It looks more like glass than clear organic eyes though.
A few facts about them:
- I redrew their design multiple times before coming to this final one. The others don't really suit his 'insane beauty' or 'glass-cut intimidation'.
- their personality before I revamped them was COMPLETELY different: they were wrathful and vengeance-filled, until I decided they were better off with another personality entirely. Morro has it worse than before in my original drafts RIP
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- she likes wearing things that makes everyone around her aware that she is pretty, of course, but she can't be touched.
- I gave him a sea-themed or blue patterns in every scene I made of them in purpose. I wonder what their purpose is.
- if you're asking me for their voice claim, Douma's JPN voice actor nails the mark on their demeanor.
- some of the songs I relate to her are Mary on a Cross by Ghost and Mary by Alex G.
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Kai finds them very suspicious at first, not wanting to accept their help willingly. However, after getting to know him better and helping him with the things that confuse him, he started finding himself attracted to Alvern. Whether that's a bad thing or not is up to you.
(Ignore that I forgot Kai’s scar please)
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dhaaruni · 2 years
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Help, why did grown ass women harassed you ??
Haha okay, I'm not letting people reblog this because it's kind of embarrassing as an adult but from like, from ages 18-20, I was big in Game of Thrones/ASOIAF fandom. I was one of the ~prominent Cersei stans and moreover, I was openly a huge bitch about the Jaime/Brienne ship in Game of Thrones/ASOIAF to the extent my name and details about my personal life made it onto Braime fan forums and their subreddit. My then-boyfriend, to his credit, was like "Well I expected weird shit to happen when I started dating you so I guess it comes with the territory."
I would say things out loud like, "Women who aren't conventionally attractive project onto Brienne (and use Gwendoline Christie all dolled up in manips of course because they don't genuinely support women who aren't hot) and feel super vindictive when Jaime is horrible to Cersei and leaves her, and then fabricate shit about how Cersei abuses Jaime even while the text and TV show could be argued to indicate the polar opposite." I explicitly pointed out that they decided Cersei Lannister, the fictional character, was their adolescent bullies who got the hot guy over them, and ignored all textual and media evidence to the contrary.
This is also why they all pitched a fit at season 8 of the show like they viewed Jaime returning to Cersei in the TV show as a personal betrayal even though he was never not in love with Cersei in the books or the show like as Tyrion said, he never had any moral issue with the things that she did in either version! He always knew everything she was, and he loved her anyways, which the fandom loathed because how dare a woman that's not "good" be unconditionally loved?
Like, of course it's insane that my sharing those thoughts triggered adult women to send teenage!Dhaaruni racist and misogynistic hate about how I smelled like curry or whatever ("sorry honey, mommy can't get you a juice box right now, she's busy bullying a teenager about a fantasy book series/TV show") but given that I was a boringly pretty #srat star who also regularly posted about the parties I went to and my very dramatic relationship with my ex-boyfriend, I can see why the things I said triggered a certain kind of woman into behaving reprehensibly to me, and I could have 100% been nicer than I was.
But like, you live and you learn lol.
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cassyapper · 2 years
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I hope you don’t mind me blabbing in your asks box but you’re interpretation of Kakyoin tells me you’re a smart person and I need to get this off my chest to someone who’s smart (feel free to ignore😭)
Whenever the topic of Kakyoin being anything but cis het arises Jotaro is always brought along with it to validate him, and yeah I get that it’s a popular ship or whatever but I feel like Kakyoin deserves to be treated as his own character with his own deepness if that makes sense.
To me I feel like it was pretty obvious how queer coded Kakyoin is yet it seems like people only talk about him being gay when they need an excuse for Jotaro to be gay as well. And aside from all that I just generally wish people would dive into Jotaro’s and Kakyoin’s relationship beyond it being just romantic, like perhaps in au where Kakyoin survives instead of the fandom treating him like a trophy wife to Jotaro they’d explore the aftermath of what happened in their past and how it would affect their friendship/ relationship after...
It’s just upsetting to see how Kakyoin’s character is so widely misinterpreted by everyone (people who think he’s gay and the others who r against that), both sides always boil him down to a plain character with no nuance or dimension to him whatsoever.
Again sorry for bothering you with my rant!💜
DO NOT EVER APOLOGIZE FOR TALKING KAKYOIN WITH ME ANON OMG i love love love love love this crazy ass kid so much i love to hear it i love to see it i love love LOVE to talk about it please never ever apologize please feel free to come into my ask box at any time literally any day and say anything just absolutely anything about kakyoin i love him so much i love him desperately i love to discuss him i love him don't ever apologize cause you have in fact made my night sending me this so thank you thank thank you
AS for the actual content of your message: I COULDN'T AGREE MORE DUDE it's actually INFURIATING how people refuse to treat this kid as his own character like it actually drives me made and insane and is part of the reason I've started writing my own part 4 kakyoin fic
but no i asolutely agree. i get his relationship with jotaro may ADD to why he's queercoded but it is ABSOLUTELY NOT the main pillar of it. kakyoin literally grew up isolated because he knew he was different from his peers on a fundamental level and he decided he wouldn't trust them because of it. that is LITERALLY the most lgbt coded backstory you could give anyone. stands as a whole are very very very lgbt coded tbh. but anyway kakyoin also refers to himself in Japanese with varying pronouns, some of which are usually reserved for feminine persons rather than masculine, which screams his transness or otherwise gnc. he LITERALLY SAYS. like ok. in the infamous holly line he LITERALLY SAYS "THE PERSON I'D LIKE TO MARRY." NOT THE WOMAN. THE PERSON. THIS WAS SUCH A SMALL DISTINCTION BUT IT WAS AN IMPORTANT ONE FOR LGBT PPL ESPECIALLY IN THE 80S FOR TALKING ABOUT THEIR ATTRACTION/FUTURE PARTNERS WITHOUT EXPLICITLY OUTING THEMSELVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!
literally ALL OF THIS ^^^ AND PEOPLE STILL ONLY BRING UP LGBT KAKYOIN JUST TO TALK ABOUT GAY JOTARO IT'S LIKE SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP THEY ARE LGBT WITHOUT HAVING TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP THERE IS MORE TO BEING LGBT AND THIS CULTURE THAN BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!!! ARUGH
but yeah god i agree so much it drives me insane. kakyoin is his own character with his own reasons for being clearly queercoded but ppl don't talk about it unless it's in a shipping context and it DRIVES ME INSANE!!! but anyway i agree so much anon thank you for sending this in i love kakyoin so much
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angstyantoinette · 3 years
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Yandere! Armin Arlert Headcanons
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AGED UP I REPEAT ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP-
This little blonde ball of curiosity is verrryy toxic in my Yandere version. 
Armin knows how innocent he looks to other people and by playing on this, coupled with his practical and analytical genius status, boy is it so very easy for him to gain the trust of his comrades, friends and especially his Beloved. 
I feel as if Armin wouldn’t be picky with a particular type, but never being attracted to an unkind or particular person he would be disgusted by in any way. 
He may fall for someone who is slightly colder, or who doesn’t really know how to respond to kindness. In that scenario, Armin would be overjoyed, but very patient and giving with them; if he wasn’t Yandere. 
I see him as very touch-starved and wanting, but afraid to be clingy for fear he would drive his Beloved away. In this case he would dote on you as best he could in his environment, making you fall for him even more. 
You would him as endearing, and like most, innocent. Armin is smart; one might say way too smart for his own good, and being a Yandere, I feel this makes him just as dangerous as those willing to use physical violence/methods on their Beloved. 
He knows that you just love his little quirks and his way of thinking. If you tell him this, he may think you only see him as valuable because of his skill for strategizing. But when you reassure him that you just love him for him, he just falls in love with you even more. 
He’s worrisome about you. Every time he makes practise with your ODM gear until you’re bruised, and exhausted, ready to run into his awaiting arms. Rewarding you with cuddles and affection, Armin’s love isn’t exactly conditional; but it still isn’t normal.
But that’s if you accept his feelings, with Armin being a Yandere or not, and with your knowledge or ignorance. 
If you don’t accept his feelings, whether it being for your personal reasons, or because you…um, like someone else, to put it nicely; 
YOU’RE FUCKED. 
He’ll smile, nod his head, maybe try a little too hard to act like he’s okay with your decision. But you understand, after all, it’s not like you haven’t been rejected before. 
“We can always be friends, Armin! I’m here for you okay?” 
“Yeah, Y/N, whatever you say…” 
About a few weeks after his rejection, with all of the support from Eren, Mikasa and the others, Armin is slowly descending into a deep depression. 
He was so sure of his feelings for you. They were his most prized possession. You made him laugh, you made him blush and god you made his pitiful life seem so much more worth living. You were the ocean, and he just wanted to drown myself in you. Like the sun he saw so rarely, you were the ray of pure light that made his body burn. 
He lay awake at night, taunted and enthralled with the thoughts of you in so many different scenarios….maybe in particular, different positions. 
[Yes, those kinda positions. Armin’s not always that innocent, y’all.]
He knows that the more he thinks of you in these appetizing ways, in these hurtfully satisfying scenarios, he’s never going to be able to get over you. 
Rather, he’s not even going to try.
Being trapped in his fantasies, Armin is horrifically aware that these feelings are incredibly toxic, for the both of you. He just won’t let you go. Whatever it takes, Armin will commit whatever crimes he must to keep you in his life. 
He sees you as being misunderstood, especially if you’re typically a colder person, hard to read, detached. Some people compare you to Levi, but Armin just knows that you, like the Corporal, have far more depth than you let on. 
His intrigue doesn’t let up for a long while, as you’re constantly surprising him in new and amazing ways. You’re used to his deep interest in you after a while, but you still don’t understand him. 
Armin thrives on your confusion at first, but if it drives you away from him, he’ll go into tactical mode. Staying up all night,figuring out who is calling your attention to them rather than him and what his next move should be. 
With his intelligence, Armin keeps his sizzling bafflement and envy under wraps. He tells himself that maybe he had unerved you a little. He can get like that sometimes, surely you understood him well enough to know that?He obviously did find you interesting and he was willing to momentarily abandon Eren and Mikasa just to fuel his endless curiosity. 
Keep in mind, this is after you reject him, and his desperation to just know you and love you is greatly overwhelming him to the highest degree. You just won’t allow him to really see you, to understand you. 
Eventually, he snaps. Just not in the typical yandere way. We all know that Armin feels as though he is a nuisance, a self-proclaimed burden so he keeps most of his feelings inside, and lets them loose to either prove a point, or while under stress. 
It takes a minute for him to decide what to do with you, because he knows that once he has made a choice, it has to be the right choice. He has to know and map out a detailed plan, whether it’s doable, whether he’s able to pull it off by himself, etc.
His analytical skills come into play, and he plans everything from the location, time, the equipment needed at exactly what time. By this time, he will have comepletely left you alone; abrupt and brash, and just as he planned, you were surprised. Yes, he wanted to get to know you, and you couldn’t help but feel even slightly violated and maybe even disturbed. 
Your like anyone in the world, have natural curiosity and interest in just about anything. But the unfamiliar feeling of unsettlement around Armin just felt…off.
You secretly knew of his deep infatuation; people always seemed to determined to figure the silent types out, to crack them open, decipher their many secrets. In terms of this analogy, you sort of understand, maybe even sympathise with his endless novelty toward your character, but even so…just why?
Maybe it was the fact that you felt bad for him, in a sad, puppy love kinda way. Maybe you saw him as a traumatized individual, just putting his assumed coping mechanism to work, with you just in the innocent line of fire. 
If he kidnaps you at all, Armin will smother you. Telling you how much you mean to him, explaining that only he can access your wonder and intrigue. Because, after all, he worked this hard to get you; why would he ever share you with anyone else? 
Although he will be stern, he’ll always be nice about it, rewarding you or not. 
You’re an enigma to Armin Arlert, keeping him guessing, testing his patience with all of your being. You don’t know it, but soon you’ll be in his possession.
I headcanon him as seeing your refusal, your blatant rejection as some kind of ‘disease.’ You haven’t even seen the best of him yet, why make up your mind about something that you know almost nothing of? Oh well, you’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other very soon. He’ll bare his injured soul to you, and you’ll have mo choice but to do the same for him. It’s what married couples do after all, right?
Just let him love you, Y/N. Let Armin adore you. It’s the best thing to do if you want everyone to live.
Glassy, still sapphire eyes simply stared at you in the weak light of a stolen candle. You couldn’t quite pinpoint what they were saying, those beautiful, dangerous, albeit loving eyes. But yet, they also held malice in their abyss’. Endless, bottomless, simply divine they were. That was all you knew.
“Why…do you lie to me?” he murmered. A small, rough palm came to rest against your hollowed cheek, fingertips gently tapping against the skin. Realising how close he truly was, you tried your hardest to get away, shifting in your place in the surprisingly plush, old bed, but all it took was a flash of blonde hair to whip past your face, before he succeeded in holding your arms down.
While he never did this explicitly to punish or harm you, Armin always knew just how to exert his power. Never mind the boundaries that he installed in you the day of your arrival; he didn’t care for them as much as you had to pretend to.
This Armin was unhinged. Normalcy could never be considered in this relationship. He could never understand the pain he put you through. To Armin, it was all in the name of his devotion. All of his interest had been rooted in one fact; you refused to love him.
Once he figured out that you wouldn’t couldn’t love him of your own accord, he became enamoured with something he just knew he could never have.
He had never even thought about taking you, drugging you, dragging you to a secluded spot in the woods, or an out of bounds room, derelict over many years.
“I never intended to take you like this, bunny.”
Swallowing hard, you tried to look him in the eyes, gently lifting your head higher and higher until his blue pools of mere unhinged insanity met your own pained orbs. Seeming to like this, he smiled.
His perfect teeth looked more like fangs in the dim, weak moonlight. It had felt like he had managed to suck every molecule of beauty from even the most simple of things.
His voice sounded like the devil; harsh, unforgiving lilting tones of false hope daring to stroke you face and make you think you had a good chance at happiness.
You didn’t know when he stopped being Armin and began being a monster. You didn’t know if the lines could be blurred any further.
“I never wanted this, Armin-” 
“Don’t play with me, bunny,” he snapped. His slender fingers wound themselves in your clean hair, twisting and searching for a soft spot to pull. When he found it, he lightly tugged; barely, but you still winced from the thought of the last time he did this. 
You still wanted to believe that he was quiet, sweet Armin who still had an unstoppable fascination with you, but he was harmless then. Or was he? Was he faking his intentions? Did he have it planned from the very beginning? 
You wanted to choke yourself for believing his simple demeanour, his dedication to the cause of the Survey Corps just like everyone else. He was a liar. He was a predator in all ways, ensnaring you, his perfect prey. 
Only now had Armin realized just how confused you were. 
You didn’t understand his love for you. You thought he hated you! 
Now that wouldn’t do.
Armin could have have kicked himself. All of his stern discipline and rules stemming from his love and protection meant that you mistook for him being cruel. He was doing this out of his devotion! 
How could he assume you would understand if he never told you, if he never proved his love?
“Armin, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything, I swear-” You took a deep breath, cutting yourself off. Now was not the place or time to be losing your composure; you still were trying to get used to the fact that you were being held against your will. 
“Hush”, he suddenly murmured, gently taking your chin in his fingertips, before moving them to tenderly cup your face, his eyes darting anywhere that he could lay his gaze upon.
The gestures were so tender you found your cheeks erupting with a wild blush, the burning shame hitting you moments later when your hatred and slight fear hit you like a slap to the face. 
Your embarassment only got worse when you felt his soft lips kiss your throat, his warm breath flush against your skin. His hands found themselves back in your hair again, stroking it, petting it, twisting it round and round his finger. His right hand caressed your nape, spreading his fingers so that they only just covered the width of your neck, and he pulled you closer, so that your head was nuzzled into his neck, buried beneath his love and fascination.
It all clicked. 
Armin wasn’t just interested in you. 
He was obessed with you.
Obsessively in love with you. 
You felt pathetic. You felt weak. But in a strange way, you also felt loved. 
You had no choice but to resign yourself to his touch, letting your head fall limp as he cradled you to his chest.
“Good bunny.”
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eirichele · 4 years
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a VERY in depth look at fire emblem: three houses and its grooming problem
OR: how this game managed to make an accurate portrayal of grooming and exactly how it made it palatable
(warning: really long. though to be fair, the length is mostly screenshots. you can also read this in google docs)
                                                          ***
SO i’ve been wanting to write something Formal and In Depth for a while, because this game’s reception has been a nightmare for me and other csa victims and quarantine hit, so i finally had time. i just really wanted to get all my thoughts in one place before i move on from 3h. i’m basically done talking about this after this one because... idk what else i could say that hasn’t been said here, really. fe has history with this, and the in-game excuses ring hollow when we know the fe devs disregard csa victims at every turn while pandering to male gamers who love sexualised teenage girls.
long, long analysis under the cut:
Some previous context: Fire Emblem games have a history of normalising harmful romances
It’s understandable for many to not know the history of the series since 3H was insanely successful and it brought a lot of new fans. Fire Emblem has always been a character driven game where making your units bond was encouraged both for gameplay and story reasons. Some end in special romantic epilogues, and some of those relationships were concerning to say the least: Sylvia, 14 years old, can marry every eligible man in Genealogy of the Holy War, Jill from Radiant Dawn, 18, can marry her father’s protegé who is 34. This is not a new phenomenon for the series, it just became more noticeable and malicious post-Awakening, because it became first person fanservice.
FE decided to rehaul the series sometime in 2011 by including dating sim elements, which made it explode in popularity. Avatars were introduced to represent the player in-game, allowing them to marry whoever they wanted. The first game to include a pseudo-dating sim was Awakening, released in 2012. The player can marry every named playable character, on top of the usual FE shipping mechanics . Donnel, Nowi and Ricken, all children, are part of your party. Nowi is a thousand year old dragon that looks like a child of 11-15. She loves playing, and throws tantrums, and overall acts very childishly, but the narrative insists that she’s really an adult feigning childishness. 
In Fire Emblem lore, dragons are veeeery slow ageing people with the power to transform into dragons, which means they can be biologically still children even when they’re hundreds or thousands of years old. Tiki, another similar character, is considered a child in Shadow Dragon by her adult dragon family while explicitly being around Nowi’s age. Despite evidence to the contrary, Awakening treats Nowi like an adult who can marry. Fire Emblem had previously included many dragon child characters in the past, but none were romantic options for anyone, and they were considered a younger sibling of sorts. Nowi was a first in the series, and after her inclusion these romances became common with characters like Nyx in Fates and Flayn and Sothis in Three Houses. Worth noting is her design, which is incredibly sexualised. A (not so) fun fact is that the outfit designer of Awakening and Fates was none other than Three Houses’ future director, Toshiyuki Kusakihara:
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Ricken and Donnel are just regular 13-15 year old boys. No magic. Other adult characters and your avatar just marry them, and it’s stated they will have children in the future. The next game, Fates, actually managed to outdo this somehow: Your pedophilic romance options are now five, and unlike Awakening’s avatar Robin, whose age was unknown and could potentially be portrayed in their mid-teens, Corrin canonically is in the 18-21 age range, making this unambiguous pedophilia. Fates is a very standout game when it comes to Fire Emblem’s worst parts: There’s no “children from the future” excuse for the avatar having children like in Awakening. The avatar impregnates all spouses (or gets pregnant) and has the child after an in-game time skip, which means you can canonically impregnate your approximately 15 year old sister in a Fire Emblem game. You really do not want to stan these devs.
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pictured: definitely not 18, even if the english localization really tried to pull that. 
Which is yet another thing in this game: Incest with adopted siblings is possible and even encouraged. Incest is constantly fetishized through the character of Camilla, who is an attractive and sexualized older sister obsessed with the main character. Another (not so) fun fact is that most characters will continue to call you ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ in the story even if you’re married because Fire Emblem rarely changes the story to fit with your marriage options. The most insidious thing about the incest and pedophilic couples in Fates is that they’re completely normalized. It’s not shown as abusive, and they look like normal couples that could even look cute out of context. They confess their love, tease each other, blush and have cutesy epilogues. 
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pictured: marrying your sibling and a literal child
All of this is to end with the conclusion that this is a constant pattern with Fire Emblem, especially the ones with marriage. Any potentially awful relationships portrayed are not outwardly abusive. You won’t catch Xander gaslighting Corrin, or anything. They’re a “cute” relationship that just happens to be incest. Their interactions are not outwardly unhealthy, and it’s tailor made for ‘’’harmless’’’ shipping, but in the end, it’s incest and pedophilia portrayed as a valid pairing that’s “healthy” by all means. It’s normalization of something that’s objectively horrifying to live through. As a CSA victim, Fates literally made me quit the franchise for all the years it was popular. 
When Three Houses announced that it would take place in a school while you play a teacher, after seeing all of this play out all FE fans could feel was dread. When 3H announced even later that all romance would take place post-time skip everyone forgot about their reservations instantly— ignoring the fact that everyone being over 18 when marriage happens doesn’t absolve all potential problems with predatory writing. How you write a couple with an age gap is critical. Moving on with Actual Three Houses: 
Byleth has a canon age unlike Corrin and Robin, but the game tries to hide it
Corrin and Robin were both avatars meant to be somewhat customized. Byleth cannot be customized. They have a set appearance and age. You can choose Byleth’s name, gender and birthday when you start up the game, but Byleth canonically cannot be born anywhere after September 20th 1159, their “canon” birthday, since their father states in his diary that they’re already alive. 3H starts in the year 1180, which makes Byleth 20 or already 21 depending on their chosen birthday.
All other Three Houses characters have their ages shown clearly in their unit menu, and all bios update accordingly when you learn new information, including yours. Byleth’s age is revealed in a cutscene, but despite this, the game tries to “hide” their age. This is all Byleth has in their bio even well into the endgame:
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It’s presumably so the player can “headcanon” their age, as the player avatar, but they still have a canon age, because they’re not a customizable one. It’s a very odd design choice that makes no sense until you consider that the game is romantically pushing teenagers at you. Romanceable students range from 14 to 22 years old before the time skip, but the great majority are in the 15-18 range. Early on, when you introduce yourself to your students, they seem taken aback by how young you are and comment how you seem like you’re “their age.” This is your only dialogue option in response:
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No sixteen year old has ever told a twenty/-one year old that they’re the same age, but this is anime high school dating sim logic. An addendum is that this game has incredibly shallow dialogue options to hide how linear it really is, and this is the first glaring instance. This comes up later on with the romance options—you have little to no options to reject a student’s advances. Boundaries as both a player and RPG protagonist are non-existent in this game.
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pictured: “yes” and “sure why not” dialogue options to agreeing to meet with a student alone. linhardt just turned 17 last month
Byleth can flirt pre-time skip
Most of your units are students, thus all romance should in theory, stay in the war phase…. Which doesn’t happen at all. All the narrative framing of characters’ “closeness” and foreshadowing of romance are definitely a part of the school phase. The worst offender by far is an in-game event called the Goddess Tower, the school’s local romantic spot. It’s said in universe that a man and a woman who make a vow there on a specific night will stay together forever, and this is a prelude to the marriage scenes five years later, which will take place in that Tower. You can even pick who to bring with you to the Tower, and this is what Byleth says to themselves before the drop down menu shows up:
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this is one of those lines that’s like semi-innocuous, since byleth is addressing the player here, but what the fuck is a teacher doing thinking about a student “that way”???? my girl doesn’t know there will be a 5 year time skip where they’re going to be legal she’s just saying this about a bunch of sixteen year olds.
The Goddess Tower itself is a mess of bungled flirting and unnatural romantic scenes, made all the worse by the fact that you can only trigger this scene with a student. Older characters like Seteth, Catherine and Shamir are locked out of the Goddess Tower. They can’t be picked from the menu, and if they’re your highest support, the game will default to the next highest supported student. Here’s some lines from Ingrid’s scene:  
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ingrid is 17 when this takes place. the youngest byleth possible is well over 21 and the oldest is turning 22 next month
Check out this post for more examples of the Goddess Tower. Byleth’s dialogue options here are right out of a god damn PSA about child safety. They genuinely come off as a huge creep here, especially “Just the two of us….” My dude. 
Thankfully one of the few instances where you can turn the student down, but notable anyway. Dorothea’s C support, where you have the option of following her flirty lead, and her response will be the same regardless of your choice:
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Another infamous bit of inappropriate flirting is Edelgard’s Japanese C1 support, which you’re likely to unlock before her 18th birthday in June because it’s her very first support:
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This was thankfully removed in the English version (Though she still has the same flustered reaction), but the intentions are there. Curiously, I’ve seen many supporters of the Byleth/Edelgard ship say they were upset this was removed, while simultaneously denying the ship has any grooming connotations whatsoever— when an authority figure making ha ha, unless? 😳 sexual jokes in front of underage/barely legal kids to see their reaction is textbook grooming:
  Once a trusting or special relationship is created, the offender may carefully test the victim’s reaction to sex. (x)
Not helping is the fact that Edelgard falling in love with Byleth during the school phase is practically canon judging by dialogue in CF of her missing you “more” than the others. Which leads to:
Some interactions pre-time skip resemble grooming tactics
In fans’ minds the lack of boundaries are somewhat mitigated by Byleth’s supposed good intentions, and it’s common to hear fans say Byleth obviously didn’t go to Garreg Mach intending to marry one of the kids they’re teaching because grooming must be malicious from the start. However, it’s well known that unlike premeditated abuse of younger kids, sexual abuse of older teens often happens by “accident”
In contrast, educators who teach at the late middle and high school level target victims in this age range. They might be outstanding teachers, although they may also be mediocre (Shakeshaft, 2003). Sexual abuse at this level may be less premeditated and planned and more often a result of bad judgment (Shakeshaft, 2004). (x)
In other words, by putting zero boundaries between teacher and students and enabling weird situations, which is 3H to a T. Many students flirt, but Byleth doesn’t say anything, or even flirts back.
Secondly, Byleth is like… barely a character, so this isn’t meant to be a callout post accusing them of being a manipulative abuser or whatever, because this is about the dev team putting teenagers in these flirty positions to satisfy the player that Byleth is meant to represent. Byleth is just the plot device they use to do so. People often say this flirting isn’t grooming because Byleth has “good intentions,” but they’re a self-insert, and a self-insert doesn’t have to have any in-universe intentions because the outside writing drives their actions— the thing is we KNOW these writers are not above writing pedophilia as harmless romance. People project good intentions on Byleth, because that’s the avatar. You’re supposed to project on them. This of course includes their “good intentions,” and when I play 3H I headcanon that too, but canonically speaking, these intentions are 100% ambiguous. They never voice attraction to another student, or disgust at the thought of dating them because they speak in small, limited dialogue options and thought bubbles. We don’t have a real, canon indication that they would oppose dating a student before the time skip nor that they would actually do it. 
What we do have are the canonical interactions that make people uncomfortable, however. Byleth can think of students in “that way” when the Gatekeeper describes a romantic getaway on the Goddess Tower.  If we take them at face value, then their dialogue options clearly establish that they’re okay with flirting with students as young as fifteen, at the very least. They “die” before potentially starting to date any of them for real, but the beginnings of an uncomfortable romance are there and the game fully embraces this as okay . 
This is all a result of the writing. Fates never condemned you for picking your sister over any of the other thirty (?) romanceable characters, just like Three Houses doesn’t condemn you for picking Lysithea over any older women in the teaching staff. It’s just another S support option, and it even gets some sweet extra content. She’s touched that you care for her, and you do everything in your power to take care of her frail health, and you guys get happily married. No one ever mentions that you were her high school teacher when she was fifteen and you met at said high school, and she was your favourite student— and this is, you know, something of an important detail in any relationship. Just like Fates, it’s sweet and shippable out of context, which just encourages normalization. How dare you say this is unhealthy? It’s tender! Look how much he loves her!
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The thing is that 3H initially presents your students as your charges in school. You’re unambiguously in charge of them as both tactician and instructor, even if you treat each other in a familiar way. Even if most students technically outrank you as nobles, Garreg Mach as politically neutral ground implicitly puts you above them as their teacher. The younger ones are vulnerable teenagers, away from home in a boarding school. Most have some sort of underlying emotional problem that they come to you for. They come to you for advice, and sometimes just venting. You can give them gifts, and have tea every week with them if you so wish in an off-screen conversation. Tea also serves as the “skinship” of this game where you get to see the anime boy/girl of your dreams from up-close, which is a pretty creepy thing to do with a fifteen year old anime girl even out of universe, but I digress. 
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Looking at this chart in the essay I linked earlier gave me a little bit of a stroke, because the “Strategies” aspects are all things you do in 3H prior to the time-skip:
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This is obviously accidental, but still concerning because we know these devs have a twisted idea of what romance is, and that culminated in what I sincerely hope is an unintended but still eerily accurate portrayal of grooming.
Emotional confidence, teatime and gifts, flirting, making a vow together at the Goddess Tower, sex jokes, are all things you do pre-timeskip, and some student’s personal arcs make this even worse. Marianne, Dimitri and Bernadetta have mental illnesses, and they heavily rely on you for support. Edelgard and Sylvain express attraction towards you. You meet Felix’s father and he puts his full trust in you. Ignatz, Bernadetta and Marianne have very low self-esteem. Characters like Ashe and Annette have major parental issues that they discuss with you. In short, you see them at their most vulnerable as kids, and then get together as adults. 
About the only thing you don’t do pre-time skip in that list is “Isolate,” but some character arcs post time skip have this distinct vibe nonetheless. Many students leave their homes in the war phase explicitly because of you and no other reason. CF Ingrid in particular outright betrays Faerghus and everything she knew for you, as she says she doesn’t really believe in Edelgard’s war. Knowing you as a teacher can string her along in her Goddess Tower scene while she’s underage puts this in an awkward perspective.
This is what makes the five year time skip hold little weight. Everyone is an adult when the relationship is consummated, yes, but it starts pre-time skip.
Emotionally vulnerable teenagers having a strong relationship and frequent alone time with their older teacher, who is a confidant and someone that makes them feel special is already looking bad, but the absolute loyalty, idolisation and close relationship when they’re adults only makes it worse, even if it’s probably just a result of poorly thought out game design and player pandering gone wrong.
It’s not just player pandering, however. The devs just clearly think these relationships are okay. Other non-Byleth student/teacher romances deserve a mention, too—Manuela is forty something and thinks of her romantic potential with some 19 year-old: 
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Thankfully, this support ends at B, but others don’t. She has romantic endings with Lorenz, Ferdinand and Dorothea, who she even canonically met before Garreg Mach as a child and who idolises her as an opera star. The game doesn’t stop at the normalisation of grooming with Byleth, they’re just the most noticeable example, especially since it’s a power fantasy for the player who can romance all of them, not just a few.
The time skip had the opportunity to fix some of the creepy implications, but it didn’t
People like to look at the time-skip as a justification of romance. That 15 year old kid is 20 now, after all, and your students are adults, who have matured and grown outside of your influence.... Except your interactions with them remain virtually the same. They still call you Professor and hold you in some extremely high esteem as an authority figure.
Three Houses has an avatar worship problem like all newer Fire Emblem games and this definitely contributes to the uncomfortable implications in the narrative, because literally everyone respects you and adores you to an uncomfortable degree. Even as grown ass adults, the avatar worship just makes it seem like your students still idolize you like when they were kids awe struck by how cool you are.
They don’t show the change from “mentor” to “peer” satisfactorily, like they intended for the romance elements to work. Byleth’s name is customizable, making a first name basis difficult, but they easily could have changed your war phase title to something that would make it seem like your students’ view of you changed, like a military title such as Commander, or even just Eisner, your canonical last name. All students still call you “Professor,” in the war phase, though. Some students even call you Professor when you’re about to propose to them in the S support, like Lysithea. Leonie, one of the oldest students who is actually your age, has this to say about calling you by your name… you know, like a normal peer and friend would:
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White Clouds is also a whole year while VW, AM, and SS take place during six to seven months, CF during five. You spend more time as their teacher and mentor than as “peers,” so Leonie’s position is pretty understandable despite being like, barely a year younger than you.
To rewind, this game lets you pick a “special” student pre-time skip, who you’re encouraged to build bonds with through tea, gifts and the Goddess Tower. You’re their favourite teacher, as said by many other characters. They grow up and join you in your war regardless of who they have to fight, some even just to be with you. They still affectionately call you Professor, and look up to you. You can then marry them. This is unironically seen as both acceptable and even romantic.
Many of these interactions like tea are gameplay elements and thus come off as the devs not thinking too hard about it. Except, again, we know they have no problem in writing outright pedophilia, but Fates in particular had heavy backlash over this, which explains the need to tone it down a little. Grooming was their “compromise” between not turning off the casual audience while still cheekily pandering to that crowd. Everyone is technically over eighteen in Three Houses, even if they act extremely similar to their teenage selves. The “technically 1000 year old” romances like Flayn and Sothis were also left intact.
This is an important distinction, because a bit of a popular “it’s not grooming” argument when dealing with the war phase is Byleth’s weird dragon powers slowing their aging. Unlike the kids, all adult non-students in Three Houses undergo no portrait changes during the time skip, including Byleth. The thing is that in Chapter 10, they receive dragon powers as part of some plot nonsense, so it has different implications than just anime hating everyone over 25. There’s implications in the game that this definitely affected their ability to age normally, such as the Flayn ending:  
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However, we don’t know how their aging was affected and to what extent. Three Houses’ lore didn’t specify much about the way dragons age. Rhea undergoes dragon madness, so we can thus tentatively assume Fódlan’s dragons are similar to Archanea and Valentia’s dragons, which would mean there’s a chance Byleth even aged normally for a few years before slowing down significantly like Nah from Awakening did. It’s entirely possible they’re biologically 25-26 like they’re meant to be, because they didn’t physically die. They were just asleep.
Even if they really did not age a day over 21/22, it still makes the pre-time skip hold weight, however. Byleth can flirt with them as teens prior to any fantastical excuse, and they’re still a mentor figure in the students’ eyes, which goes on to colour every interaction with you in the war phase. Post-time skip everyone is legal, but they still have that history with you, and the game makes no real effort to change that whatsoever. It still fulfills the student/teacher fantasy despite the many, many technicalities it tries to pull out of its ass.
Intsys is self aware and knows that this upsets people
To say these devs probably didn’t mean it that way is not entirely impossible, but they don’t exactly inspire confidence. They even “acknowledge” their flippant way of treating teacher/student relationships in a DLC quest during school phase:  
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Of course, this is a silly complaint because a teacher being friendly with students is a good thing! Students learn better in a positive environment! The problem here is that it’s obviously referencing and mocking the people upset that this becomes romantic later on. I think anyone would have been able to forgive the overly friendly nature of Byleth and the students’ relationships if no line had been crossed regarding romance. This is Fire Emblem after all, and it wouldn’t be Fire Emblem without supports and relationships values.
But also, Intsys is very good at jokingly acknowledging when they’re being creepy rather than striving to do better. It’s not the first time they’ve done this. A really bold faced example is when the Fire Emblem mobile game widely known for fanservice released a ten year old child (no magic or dragons, either, just a child) dressed as a bride and had her say: “This outfit is just for the [bride] festival, don’t get any weird ideas!” when they were the ones who made a child bride for fanservice purposes. 
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this one was pretty fucked up even by their standards. comment sums it up
The devs also once called Camilla from Fates a “cow” in an interview for having huge breasts and a little tiara that looks like horns. They designed her that way, but then mocked her for looking like an oversexualized caricature. Any way you look at it, they’re well aware they’re being off-putting and cheekily being like, tee hee, I sure made a dating sim set in a high school! Which ultimately leads to the final point: 
Though canon definitely has its problems, it’s less about canon and more about the devs’ bad intentions and the fans’ general lack of empathy for CSA victims:
This is not to diminish canon’s impact at all, because it’s outright malicious to portray an unhealthy relationship as cute and harmless. In short, they just pull technicality after technicality out of their ass to make student/teacher okay somehow instead of just..... not having student/teacher at all. After Fates having fucking incest, 3H and teacher grooming seems outright tame and that definitely contributed to the wide acceptance in the fanbase, because it’s less outrageously pandery. I can’t believe I have to say this in 2020, but…... that’s still not good, lads.
I will also admit there’s some nuance here regarding some of the students, especially those 20+ year olds who aren’t easy to manipulate teenagers like Mercedes. We can sit here and argue all day about whether or not this game legitimately 100% can be considered grooming because of those 20+ students, and all of those in-universe technicalities since there’s no real life academic journal on grooming who will talk about the offender being a dragon, but the end of the matter is that the devs chose to portray their pseudo-dating sim franchise in a school, while your MC is a teacher and most of the students are teens. These relationships are also 100% normalised and okay in-game. They did it with incest and with teacher/student, both topics that are majorly upsetting to CSA victims, and that alone is worth calling out. They even mocked people who were upset about it with a little DLC quest, just to rub it in. 
This whole post was a critique of 3H and Intsys, but it’s impossible to critique the game without critiquing the fan culture around it, because the devs definitely had a fanbase in mind. We know they take feedback, since they toned it down after complaints about Fates, but the reason why they didn’t just get rid of pandering aspects, is because they’re popular. There’s a huge demand for this, and that’s exactly why they keep doing it, and it’s the simple reason that online anime spaces full of adults have always placed a particular interest in teens and sexualising and shipping them. A Fire Emblem game set in a school with a calendar and a lot of romantic and social elements that started development in 2017 just screams Persona 5 inspired. Fans obviously noticed.
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”edelgard is soooo thirsty” jokes are a lot less funny if you know going for the thirsty kid is a legit strategy
Now, I don’t know shit about Atlus, and after seeing all these memes regarding Persona 5 and the fans’ positive reaction to them, I have zero intentions to play it, but I’ve unfortunately played every single FE game and watched the transition to classic FE to 3DS FE to 3H. I have my criticisms about modern FE’s writing quality for sure, and while I obviously can’t say it used to be perfect because it was still a fairly mediocre (but fun) game about teenagers beating up dragons, it’s now become one of the single most unfriendly fanbases if you’ve gone through any kind of sexual trauma. Incest shipping, pedophilic shipping, and sexualizing teenagers was always there to some extent, but it’s blown up now that the devs have emboldened those fans by doing it in canon itself. It’s rampant, especially on “waifu” circles, and now grooming ships are mainstream and everywhere. Even LGBT friendly “safe spaces” are unbrowsable. F!Edeleth in particular is commonly seen as the holy grail of wlw representation. Linhardt is the most popular M/M option despite the other two being adults. Doromanuela was given a shout-out by Dorothea’s English voice actress.
Old FE games had background things like that all the time, (Roy/Cecilia is Literally gender swapped Petra/Byleth) but the keyword here is background. Not like... 80% of the ships involving the MC in game, which means you weren’t bombarded with this every day. Worse, the discussion about this topic has been non-existent. Reddit has not touched this at all despite the community there being well known for meticulous criticism, Twitter and Tumblr have seen its fair share of discourse, but it’s quickly dismissed. Just click here to watch people dismiss the concerns of every single grooming and CSA victim, or even call them stupid like we can’t recognize this shit in every single fandom. Of note are the fans who dismiss grooming concerns by saying all flirting occurs post time skip (which is false, as we just said) and the characters are only 3-6 years apart anyway……………….. and then gleefully consume/produce pre-time skip content:
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miscellaneous tags on a pre-time skip linleth comic (20/21/22 and 16/17 if you’re not keeping count) not posting the comic itself cause i don’t want anon hate lol 
While there’s an argument to be made for romance with anyone who was 20+ pre-time skip, there is NONE for the underage kids. None. And like, even if you somehow still want to argue that 3H itself isn’t grooming because of the time skip, a huge chunk of the fanworks objectively are, and this is a huge problem that needs to be called out and nobody does so whatsoever. That comic has 2500+ notes.
This isn’t even a call to tell people to throw out their copies and riot, just to be aware of this and try to make fan spaces a little more bearable for CSA victims. A lot of people call this ‘toxic cancel culture’ and whatnot, but I personally can’t defend a dev team who I KNOW has done heinous things in the past, and continue to support the pedophilic mentality in online anime fan spaces but like, in a cheeky subtle way. They easily could have made Byleth a student who tutors the others because of their experienced mercenary background with Jeralt, or just not let them romance the kids at all. They could have pleased both the dating sim and high school camps by letting you choose to be either a  21+ teacher or a 17 year old student with the appropriate romance options, too. They didn’t do any of this, and their questionable past begs me to ask why, and none of the answers I can come up with are very encouraging. They also even blatantly gave you extra content when romancing students.
I hope contextualizing the 3H grooming at least makes some people understand why it’s so upsetting to see it everywhere. It’s just the decent thing to do to tag your posts, and to not dismiss any of these things. It’s just the decent thing to do to listen to people who are sharing their experiences and respecting their boundaries if they simply do not want to interact with you if you decide to continue supporting Intsys.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. Stan Claude von Riegan.
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I've been so excited to write for the Mystic Messenger Reverse Big Bang 2021 (go check out other amazing fics and art in the collection at @mysme-rbb), and it's the first fanfic/art event I've participated in! @madiebelleadventures and I teamed up to brainstorm this beast, so her art is at the very end (because I ain't spoilin nothin)!
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Rating: T
Word Count: 5.1k
Summary: One day after the end of a work week, Vanderwood surprises MC with some husband-wife baking time—with a twist. Inspired by his agent training, he suggests that they bake as a team but have MC blindfolded. In order to make a cake that's actually edible, she must follow his directions to the letter. All that's left after that is chaos, banter, and spouse-flustering. And figuring out how to actually make a cake.
A/N: Fyi MC is definitely more of her own character than a reader-insert on this one. Also as per usual with me, I headcanon Vanderwood as British, so I tried heavily to align his phrasing accordingly, despite being an American myself. Enjoy seeing exactly how much fluff I can possibly cram into 5k words!
MC sighed happily at the feeling of the wind in her hair as she drove home from work one Friday evening. Windows down, jacket off, music blasting—the air itself felt like freedom. She had nothing against her job—in fact, she enjoyed it for the most part. She prided herself in a job well done, she liked being able to manage a team of her own, and the paycheck and benefits were good. Nothing extravagant, of course, but enough to comfortably support a couple newlyweds.
And that was the real reason MC nearly jumped out the door every day when everything wrapped up at the office. Who wouldn't, with a husband as unfairly hot as Vanderwood? Completely unfair how he could make leopard print and what was practically a mullet actually look attractive. Thank goodness his fashion sense had mellowed out over time, if only a little bit. With Vanderwood's past being what it was, they had mutually come to the conclusion that it would be best for their well-being if he stayed at their apartment during the day to keep the household running. He was very particular about how he cooked, cleaned, and did the laundry, and he handled their finances conscientiously and precisely. Admittedly, she did have to occasionally remind him that as sleek as that new top-of-the-line taser was, there was no real need for it, but that was just part of her husband's charm.
And boy, was he charming.
She truly couldn't wait to get home, past this rush hour traffic. She'd get home and be pulled in for a deep kiss moments after walking in the door. Maybe he'd slip a gentle but insistent hand into her hair. Maybe they'd take it a little further. Or a lot further.
"HOLY FUDGE NUGGETS ON BACON ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME???"
MC swerved to avoid a collision and waited for her heartbeat to settle down again. There was no freaking way she was going to die in some stupid car wreck before their date tonight. A surprise, he'd said. No matter how hard she'd tried to weasel more out of him, he wouldn’t bend. Darn agent training. Good thing it wouldn't be a surprise for much longer. Within minutes, the streets got smaller and quieter as she neared her apartment building. Another minute, and she flung open the apartment door and leapt on her husband.
MC's fantasies were soon replaced by an even better reality when Vanderwood's lips landed on hers. Kissing back enthusiastically, MC wrapped her arms around his middle so tight that a less sturdy man would be coughing for air. Vanderwood snatched her keys and purse and hung them by the doorway, never breaking his focus for a second. His kisses grew slower, but no less fervent, as he smoothed her wind-strewn hair. Eventually, their lips reluctantly parted, and MC broke the silence.
"How did I manage to snag the best kisser on earth on top of marrying the most insanely attractive man on earth?"
Vanderwood smirked. "Good taste, I guess." He kissed her once more soundly for good measure.
"Maybe. Will my insanely attractive husband tell me what our surprise date is now?"
"Perhaps."
"No perhapses! I've been dying waiting!"
"Very well. Start by changing your clothes, because I am not scrubbing stains out of your good work clothes."
"Do I otherwise have to wear anything in particular? That's not a lot to go off of."
"Doesn't matter to me. Now go change before I do the job myself."
"I wouldn't complain."
"This is not that kind of date! Go!"
"Fine, Sir Panties-in-a-bunch."
MC went to the bedroom and took stock of her clothing options. She had to choose something practical that could be easily washed, but she still wanted to look a little cute. After all, it was a date. It was a tough balance to strike. Eh, she could always stick an apron or an old shirt over it. She grabbed her oversized paint shirt just in case before snagging a light pink shirt. Now for the bottoms. She debated on a simple skirt, but decided to go for it. After all, if it didn't fit with Vanderwood's plans, he would tell her. MC changed quickly and weaved her hair into a side braid, slipping a tendril out on each side to frame her face. Mirror-MC nodded in approval. Time to see what on earth her husband had been planning.
She cracked open the door and peeked through before skipping over to Vanderwood, who had made himself comfortable on the couch. His amber eyes widened in interest.
"You have no business looking this pretty for a baking date."
MC grinned. "Ha! I did get it out of you! A baking date sounds cute. What made you think of that? Are you just really getting into the whole house husband gig?"
"It was my agent training, actually." Seeing the puzzled look on his wife's face, Vanderwood continued, "There's a bit of a twist to it, you see. I will hardly be doing any of the actual baking. You, my dear, on the other hand, will be completely blindfolded. You will have to follow my instructions explicitly, or else the result will be completely inedible."
"I still fail to see how the setup doesn't sound like 'that kind of date', but it sounds like fun! What does this have to do with your agent training, though?"
"Various exercises used similar techniques. Many times in the field, we had to follow orders to the letter with no questions asked if we wanted to make it out in one piece. We also did training to be able to operate blindly or in the dark if our vision was compromised. But none of it was as enjoyable as watching a beautiful woman bake a cake by pure trust."
"You're such a flatterer. Keep it coming," MC smirked.
"At least get into the kitchen first," Vanderwood said, handing her a blindfold that looked suspiciously like his nap mask.
"Okay, but if you don't want me in the kitchen until I'm blindfolded, you're gonna have to get my apron yourself."
"I thought I was the one giving out orders tonight?"
"A girl's gotta get her kicks somewhere."
"Such a docile wife I have. Never difficult, never demanding."
"You think it's sexy. Don't even try to deny it."
"I would have filed for immediate divorce if the description 'docile' actually fit you." He stepped into the kitchen and emerged a moment later with the apron. MC slipped it on and, after ducking briefly into the bathroom to wash her hands, covered her eyes with the blindfold.
"I'm at your mercy now. Don't abuse that privilege."
He materialized behind her, winding his arms around her waist. "I wouldn't dream of it," he murmured into her ear before attacking her stomach. MC burst into uncontrollable giggles.
"I swear—!" she giggled "—I swear I'm going to punch the living daylights out of you!"
"You're certainly welcome to try. You know I wouldn't even feel it."
"But I could try. How am I supposed to trust you to give me decent directions to bake whatever the heck we're making if I can't even trust you not to tickle me?"
"You don't. That's the thrill of it."
"You'd better have me make something actually edible for all our trouble."
"That all depends on how well you follow my instructions."
"And how decent your instructions are. Let's not forget that tiny detail," she reminded.
"Hmm, we'll see," The smile was evident in his voice. "Now if we're going to start, we need to go ahead and do it."
"Probably."
He guided MC by her upper arms into the narrow kitchen.
"Fortunately," he said, halting and holding her in place, "we're only baking a cake and not an entire meal, so it won't take an eternity."
"I sure hope not! It's pizza night and I'm already a little hungry!"
He wound his hands around his wife's waist, lightly patting her stomach. "Well, the faster we start, the faster we can eat. I've already laid everything out for you as best I can, so you just have to follow my directions, all right, love?"
"Got it."
"All right, can you feel the worktop?" A nod. "Raise your right hand just a bit...and over…now grab the box with the cake mix, because heaven knows neither of us knows or cares enough to make it from scratch. Got it? Now open it up. The mixing bowl is straight to the left. Go ahead and pour it in."
"Just so you know, if I spill anything, you're the one taking responsibility."
"And why is that, darling?" Vanderwood asked, feigning shock.
"Because you're the one who had this idea in the first place! Not to mention if I make a mess it’s because of your faulty directions."
Unfortunately, MC failed to prove her point, pouring the mix into the bowl and barely spilling a few crumbs.
"Looks like we may not have to worry about that," Vanderwood smirked.
"You have met me, right? You know something's going to get spilled, right?"
Ignoring her, he moved the empty box toward the back and continued, "The milk should be right around where the cake mix was, if you can remember where you just were. The measuring jug is right next to it. Do you think you can pour it in correctly?"
"We'll see, now won't we?"
"There you go. Just try to take it slowly, just in case, and stop when I say so."
MC obeyed, gradually tilting the milk jug until a thin stream hit the center of the measuring cup.
"Brilliant! Now careful, careful, slightly to the left...that's it! Now slow down...almost done...stop!" He kissed her cheek. "That was amazing. Now pour it into the bowl."
MC felt around for the mixing bowl again. She managed to find it and poured in the milk. "Where's the cap for the milk jug?"
"Hm...where did it go? Oh, there it is. Right by the sink."
She batted at the air around her right side to find the inside of the sink. Instead, her hand bumped the side of the milk jug. Vanderwood's hand shot out to catch it, but a small puddle had already sloshed onto the counter. MC's hand shot up to take off the blindfold, but Vanderwood caught her wrist first. She sighed.
"Vandy, give it to me straight. How bad is it?"
"Not bad at all. I caught it before much got out. Stay put for a moment while I wipe it up so it doesn't start to smell or dry up."
"Not to say I told you, but I definitely told you."
Her husband stuck out his tongue at her—one of the few ways he had begun to let himself be childish lately. Then the obvious dawned on him. "I'm sticking out my tongue. I thought you ought to know that."
"Crucial information. Are you done yet?"
"Yep. You ready to get your hands a little dirty?"
"Isn't that expected in all this?"
"That's probably a large part of why you demanded an apron first, yes."
"You would be right about that, also yes. And you're so dramatic. I did not demand."
"Up to interpretation. Reach up to the left of the mixing bowl and just grab it off the plate and toss it in."
As instructed, MC reached over and let out a tiny shriek when her hand came into contact with the soft butter. Vanderwood guffawed.
"I was waiting for that."
MC gasped. "You did this on purpose!" She flung the butter into the bowl with an extra dash of vindictiveness.
"Maybe so. I like hearing your reactions," he purred.
"Don't try to be all smooth when you're being a twit. It doesn't suit you," MC sniffed, then muttered under her breath, "actually it totally works for you but it doesn't make me less ticked at you."
"By the way, don't bother trying to wash your hands just yet. The next part is probably going to be the messiest. I'll go get the bin so it'll be close by for you."
"Appreciated. What's the next part?"
"Eggs."
"Yikes, okay. That's why I needed the trash can, then. And where are the eggs?"
"To your left. You're going to need four of them. I read somewhere that adding an extra egg makes it better, hypothetically."
"You're the one giving the instructions."
"Alright, the bin is to your left, whenever you're ready."
"I could hear the thunk when you set it down, but thank you," MC said wryly.
"I live to serve."
There was silence for a moment as MC cracked the first egg into the bowl, and a soft smile rose on her face like the dawn. "Not anymore, you don't. I thank God every day that you and Saeyoung were able to free yourselves from the agency. I never could have forgotten you even if you hadn't, but I never would have known the immense joy I've gotten to have by being your wife." She sniffed, then laughed. "Sorry for being so sentimental all of a sudden, I don't know what got into me. It's just that knowing how many things could have gotten between us makes me that much more grateful for what we have."
"Ah!" Vanderwood shot a hand out to correct the second egg's trajectory into the mixing bowl.
"Oops, thank you."
"No problem, love. We're a team." He settled against her back, rubbing her arms lightly and placing a tender kiss on her cheek. "And never feel sorry for your so-called sentimentality. In fact, I really think you hold back sometimes. You shouldn't. I know that I used to scoff at these things, but locking out your emotions for job after job really takes a toll on a man. The agency had no room for love of any sort, and I've long come to the realization that every person is hardwired to desire love of one kind or another. I know I'm still unlearning all of my coping mechanisms, and I know I'm still sharp with some people, but with you?" He smoothed a hair back from her face. "I'll take whatever love you can give me."
She cracked the third egg into the bowl and threw out the shell. "I always knew you could be a softie, very deep down. I'm just glad that I get to be the one to see it."
After the fourth egg was in the bowl, Vanderwood directed, "Okay, time to wash up. The next thing is mixing for two minutes. While I love you, I do not trust you to use an electric mixer while blindfolded, so you're going to use a whisk for that job."
"I suppose that's fair. Can you put away the trash can while I wash my hands?"
"Already on it."
"Where's the whisk, again?"
"I kind of put it toward the back, so either be careful or wait for me to move a few things."
"Oh, I've got it. Don't worry," MC waved a hand in dismissal and groped around for the whisk, but her arm was a bit too low, and she dipped her clothed elbow in the plate where the butter had been. She sighed. "What did I just decorate my elbow with?"
"Butter. Try it. It might be tasty," he teased.
"Come on, Vandy, this is not the time. Help me get it off before it soaks in too much."
"Alright, alright, I just had to pick on you a little bit for not listening to me." He carefully scooped off the top layer of the butter with a paper towel before trying to absorb the rest. "I'm going to roll up your sleeves a bit more so that this hopefully won't happen again."
"Well, not until I slosh half the cake out of this bowl trying and failing to mix it."
"You'll be fine. Just stick to mixing the center and bringing the outside of it toward the center so everything gets mixed. But mix it well and mix it fast. The timer starts...now!"
MC held the bowl against her stomach to steady it while she mixed the batter vigorously. "Easy for you to say. You're not the one trying to mix furiously while keeping it all in the bowl on top of being blindfolded!"
"Calm down, you're doing great. A couple drips, maybe, but it's staying in."
"So far, anyway. But that's good, I guess."
"No guessing. It's quite good." Vanderwood leaned against the counter. "We've got a minute and a half to kill. Should I spend it telling you how you look right now?"
"Oh gosh, do I even want to know?"
He shook his head in near disbelief, smiling. "Magnetic. Adorable. More delicious than the cake we're making."
MC cackled. "You cannot be serious. I've got to be a mess right now."
"You act as if that's a contradiction. It's the mess that makes you more beautiful. Is every single hair of yours in place? No. But they fall around your face in the most delicately beautiful way. Even the places where the ingredients got smudged on you somehow add to your charm." He leaned in so that his lips touched her ear, his voice lowering to a gravelly timbre. "Did you know that your cheeks are all rosy from the effort you're putting into stirring? It's unbelievably attractive. And the way your lips press together when you're concentrating? It makes me want to kiss them apart. In fact—"
"Vanderwood, how much time is left?" MC interrupted, suppressing a vivid blush and a shiver.
"Our entire lives," he said, happily ignoring the real question.
"The timer, Vanderwood. How much is left on the timer?"
The sound of the timer going off answered the question for him. "None," he grinned. "I'll go spray the cake pan while you rest for a moment. You've earned it."
She exhaled, set the mixing bowl aside, and stretched. Then a thought made her panic. "Vandy, we forgot to preheat the oven."
He held her face in his hands. "MC. Darling. Breathe. I set the oven when I grabbed the apron."
Her breathing gradually slowed. "Sorry, love. I'm just really hungry and kind of tired and I think not being able to see is doing weird things to my brain and you kind of flustered me a minute ago with what you were saying and I'm sorry, I—" her voice cracked, but Vanderwood cut her off and held her close.
"Hey...hey...you're alright. There's nothing to be sorry about. I kept you going after a long day of work without feeding you first. I should have known better." He smoothed her hair and tucked it into her braid. "I'll tell you what. How about we get this cake in the oven and then order some pizza and watch another episode of Cucumber Fish?"
MC sniffled and hummed in agreement. Vanderwood loosened his hold around her and gently brought her hands to the bowl again before grabbing the cake pan. "Okay, all you've got to do now is pour it into the pan that I've put just to the left of the bowl. Just take it nice and easy. There you go. Perfect. You're almost done. Now let me get a spatula to scoop the last of it out." After he finished, he slid the cake pan into the oven and started the timer. "There. All done." He slipped the mask off her eyes and gave her a peck on the lips as she blinked to adjust to the light. "I'll clean all this up, alright? Go ahead and relax on the sofa. You can order the pizza and get Cucumber Fish queued up while I finish up in here."
"Okay," she murmured. Another peck, and she curled up on the couch. She pulled out her phone to order the pizza and smiled at the notifications she'd gotten from the RFA chatroom. They were up to their normal antics again. Hopefully, Saeyoung wouldn't exasperate Saeran too much with his crazy propositions. But there was nothing she could do about that, and she was starving and in desperate need of pizza. Once it was ordered, she turned on the TV and selected the episode, making sure to let it run past the ads before pausing it.
After Vanderwood joined her on the couch, the next forty-five minutes was filled with lots of cuddling and pizza devouring, more kissing than watching the show, a few glances at the cake's progress, an agreement to actually watch the episode while they ate the cake, and several minutes of cooling time after the cake was removed from the oven. Vanderwood emerged from the kitchen after a few minutes of setting up to decorate.
"Are you sure you want to put on the mask again?" he asked. "I don't want it to mess with your head like it did last time."
"I'll be fine, babe. I'm pretty sure it was like that last time just because I was starving."
"Are you positive?"
"Yes."
"If you say so. Go ahead and get them on, then," he said, handing MC the apron and mask.
"Just make sure to lead me into the kitchen again."
"Hmm, we'll see."
"We'll see?" she repeated, but shrieked soon after when she no longer felt the ground beneath her feet. Vanderwood had scooped her up to carry her into the kitchen bridal-style and sank his lips against hers with intentionality. He bumped into the counter but managed to avoid any damage to his wife. He deposited one last kiss on her lips before setting her down.
"What have you done to me, woman? Years and years of agent skills, undone in a moment. If it were anything or anyone else, I never would have bumped into that worktop. But when it's you kissing me, you're the only thing that exists." He grinned. "It's a shame, really. I thought my dexterity was an impressive skill, but I don't even have that anymore, it seems."
"Shame indeed," MC parroted, trying to steal another kiss from his lips and stealing one from his nostrils instead. She made a face, causing Vanderwood to laugh.
"Well, at least I still have the ability to order you around." MC smacked him in response, and he continued, "Alright, alright, let's get to it then. This is where it'll get really interesting, since decorating requires more precision. Which, no offense, is a skill you don't have, since you're not exactly used to being blind."
"Now wait just a—okay, I can't argue that," MC sighed. He placed a spatula in one hand and a jar of frosting in her other.
"Turn around. Can you find where the cake is?"
"Ye—wait, Vandy! I thought you said you cleaned up!"
"I did…sort of." Before she could protest, he interjected, "I wiped the worktop! I just pushed all the dishes to one side so we could put all of it in the dishwasher at once when we were done!" He added with a mumble, "I just wanted to get back to you."
"You think you can charm your way out of anything," MC responded airily. "Well, you're right." She squared up as best she could with a frosting jar in hand. "I found the cake. I'll try to do my best."
"Well, in this part, I won't let you go completely solo. I can rotate the cake for you as you go, if you want."
"Please."
MC scooped a large helping of frosting from the jar and started spreading around the perimeter. Her spatula made a slight detour for a moment to donate some frosting to the top of the cake, and Vanderwood halted and reversed his rotation slightly to avoid confusion. A few seconds later, she went for another, slightly smaller, scoop to finish frosting the circumference of the cake. Another scoop, added to the deposit from the first, finished off the top.
"Is there a big corner around the top edge? Or any dry spots?" she asked.
"Just a slight corner. Grab a little bit more frosting to round it off a bit and thicken the top."
She did as directed while he helped rotate, and stepped back. "Better?"
"Much better. Maybe we can add a little artistic touch by making some...what do you call them? Swoops? Around the sides from the top?"
"Sounds great. You're definitely going to have to help me, though."
"Alright, I'll rotate again and stop you when you're done. Then you can smooth off the top edge again quick."
Six slightly lopsided arcs later, he stepped back for a moment, observing. "This is certainly not the prettiest cake I've seen, but it all adds to the fun, yeah?"
"I guess," she laughed.
"Now here's the part that'll really get a laugh when you take off the blindfold. I've got a bowl over here with some frosting for smaller decorating, and you get to pick the food coloring that goes in it."
"Oh no."
"Oh yes," he snickered while guiding her over to a trio of colored bottles that she couldn't discern. "Take your pick," he said cheerily. MC gingerly selected one, and he suppressed a snort poorly. "Excellent choice!"
MC groaned. "I'm going to regret all my life choices, aren't I?"
"Of course not! Only your decision to marry me."
"Hey." She squeezed his wrist. "I could never regret that."
"You might reevaluate that statement when you take off the blindfold and see the cake. Or at least my ugly mug."
"Vanderwood. Don't you even start with me. You're so hot that if we were working with chocolate instead of a cake, we wouldn't need the microwave to melt it."
"You're so hot that the beach would need sunblock instead of you."
"You're so hot that the sun goes to you when it needs to warm up."
They collapsed against each other, gasping for air. Vanderwood caught his breath first. "Let's get this food coloring in the bowl, shall we? The spoon and frosting are already in it. All you have to do is put a few drops in and stir until I say so. The bowl's on your left."
"As you wish," she said as she did so.
After a few moments, he spoke. "That's enough. Let me get you back over to the cake, and I'll get the frosting in the decorating bag. Which is really just an ordinary plastic bag, but I did pick up some cheap decorating tips when I got the ingredients."
"Splendid. How am I going to decorate, though? Even if I could see, I don't know the first thing about cake decorating. Oh yeah, and I can't see."
"Don't get your 'panties in a bunch,' as you like to tell me so often. I'll do it with you this time."
"But you don't know how to decorate cakes, either!"
"Ah-ah-ah!” he chided. “Do you trust me or not?"
"Not particularly."
"Hey!"
"But! We should just go ahead and do it anyway, because even though neither of us knows what we're doing, we're the only ones in this apartment who can. And the frosting smells too good not to eat soon."
"That's my girl." Vanderwood curled around her. He molded one hand around hers and slid the other over her stomach. As they formed a few swirls on the top, he murmured, "We did this whole thing together. How impressive is that? Was it as fun for you as it was for me?"
MC smiled. "Of course it was. I know I got a little hangry for a bit there, but I know how much thought you put into this. None of my old deadbeat ex-boyfriends ever would have cared so much, let alone shown it. These are the things that make me love you that much more."
"I never experienced any permanent love until you showed it to me. And it's been so...world-altering—that I've been trying to wrap my head around it ever since. I still can't. But I swear I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to give you the same love you've given me. I certainly don't deserve it, after the things I've done. But you do. You deserve all the happiness a person can have."
MC paused and blushed slightly. "Vandy…" She exhaled. "We've gone over this whole 'not deserving it' thing. Whether you deserve it or not doesn't matter. To me, what matters is your heart. You have such a beautiful heart, Vandy. I love the kind of man you've become. I've seen you strive every day to be better than you were the day before, and that is so inspiring."
"Well, whether or not I deserve happiness, I would choose to be happy every day if my being happy made you happy." He squeezed her hip affectionately and pulled her in for a tender kiss.
"It would." She kissed him back. They added one last swirl and a border before they set down the bag of frosting. He uncurled her fingers and fiddled with her wedding ring.
"Are you ready to see it?"
"Sure."
He slipped off the blindfold, and she gasped.
"What have we done?" she exclaimed as her laughing grew louder by the second.
"Whatever do you mean, dear?" Vanderwood asked, feigning ignorance.
"The cake is bright flaming orange, Vandy!" She let out a snort, then covered her face. "Hey, wait! All the food coloring was the same color too, you little twit!"
He shrugged innocently. MC sputtered. "Nuh-uh. Don't you shrug at me, mister. Saeyoung has rubbed off on you way too much."
"Has not."
She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, maybe the tiniest bit."
"Uh huh, that's what I thought. Now are you as ready as I am to eat this cake and watch Cucumber Fish?"
"Let me take a picture first. And another one with you in it? You look so lovely, I can't not have one with you in it."
She tried desperately to keep a frown on her face as he snapped a picture but couldn't quite hold back the quirk at the corner of her mouth. He cut a slice for each of them and handed one to her. He curled the paper plate around his slice, and she did likewise. They looked each other in the eyes, both knowing exactly what would come next. Vanderwood solidified his stance. "Ready...steady...GO!" The couple raced to the living room and took a running jump onto the couch, ready for the wonderful night ahead.
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qqueenofhades · 4 years
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Hi!! 💕I was reading across your medieval queer history tag, and I came to the part of Muslims and homosexuality where you mention the active / passive narrative that this activity had.
I had two questions and I don't know if you can help me with them. I was wondering if there was something similar to that position in Nicky's time (?) at the European part of the world. And based on that, would it be a problem for the sexual activities that Nicky and Joe might have had? (sorry for this insane curiosity) I don't know if I'm being clear, haha. I mean, would it be a problem being active/passive for Nicky and Joe? ( based on common Islamic and/or European thought of the 11th century)
Thank you!!
Hmm. I feel like this is a better subject for fanfic (i.e. how Nicky and Joe viewed their relationship in the early days) because it touches on something historians can’t answer: how historical individuals privately viewed their own internal/emotional decisions and preferences. Obviously, Nicky and Joe themselves are fictional, so the only inner feelings they themselves had about how their relationship first developed, whether in its sexual components or otherwise, are the ones that are created for them by a team of modern writers and showrunners. As a historian, I can offer some perspective on the institutional, legal, and societal mores and customs that influenced how queer behavior was collectively viewed, tolerated, or restricted, but I can’t say how any given individual would have then interpreted that to themselves. Obviously, some gay people have been raised in such deeply self-hating environments that their internalized homophobia is very embedded and they struggle for years to get over it. Some others have been raised in the same environment but have never actually accepted any of it and have less difficulty in leaving it behind. Once again, this goes into the realm of speculation rather than strictly provable history, and which goes double for fictional characters.
Queer people have always existed in a complicated and sometimes contradictory relationship with the mainstream (that is, often heteronormative) dominant society. Sometimes they accept all of it in an attempt to “pass” or because they have been taught to be homophobic, sometimes they choose to selectively adopt parts of it but try to live a secret “second life,” sometimes they reject all of it. These choices are conditioned by personal safety/family background, political, cultural, religious, and social environments, formal and informal education, kinship and friendship networks, positive/negative reinforcement, individual character, and so on. There is not necessarily a “wrong” choice for a queer person to make, because each course of action comes with its own risks and rewards, but if you’re choosing to embrace your queer identity and to live out its truth (as Joe and Nicky seem to have done relatively soon after they met), then that will involve an element of rejecting whatever constraints heteronormative society has placed on you. After all, the formal legal conventions about sodomy in the Middle Ages weren’t developed in consultation with actual queer people. They reflected the concerns of conservative establishment clergymen, who weren’t interested in promoting social acceptance of it (and yet again, this doesn’t touch on THEIR actual feelings or whatever they might have done in private). I’ve discussed the complexity of disentangling historical homoromanticism (which was pretty widely celebrated in the medieval era) and historical homosexuality (which had a rockier time, but as I wrote about in this ask, the attempted policing of sexuality and sexual behavior was as much the case for m/f relationships as m/m or f/f ones -- nobody got away from this and it wasn’t just for the gays.)
Basically, I personally don’t think that either Joe or Nicky would have had a problem with sex or certain sexual positions, just because if both of them had reached the point of deciding that a Catholic/Muslim was their true love and they were going to run off together and be a couple no matter what anyone said about it, that already entailed rejecting a huge amount of the ideology they were originally taught and grew up with. It’s again a subject for fanfic how much Joe and Nicky were personally comfortable with being queer before they met each other, so this would more likely be a rejection of religious teaching about the unworthiness/evilness of the rival faith (as Nicky says, the love of his life was from the people he had been taught to hate). Since almost all medieval queer behavior and views on queer people had a religious component, if Joe/Nicky had gotten as far as rejecting the religious tenet that told them the other was Evil, they were (again, in my opinion) extremely unlikely to use any of those old religious arguments for prohibiting or proscribing certain kinds of sexual activity. I’m sure they had to negotiate many issues in the early days of their relationship (as I write about in DVLA), but they’re clearly head over heels in love with each other, wildly attracted to each other and have been for almost a millennium, and eager to embrace the physicality of that relationship, so I don’t personally see this as being a major stumbling block.
That said, you did ask about European views on sodomy in the 11th century and whether there was a parallel to Islamic views on the moral acceptability of the active vis-a-vis the passive partner. Since antiquity, there has always been less “shame” attached to the penetrative/top partner in sex, no matter whether the receiving partner is male or female. Ancient Greece is another example of this, where the adult man could not be penetrated without insult to his manhood and dignity, but the fact of him penetrating a younger man/teenage boy was a fine and even accepted rite of passage. We can obviously talk about how this is related to phallocentrism and misogyny, because the person “receiving” sex is usually expected to be a woman or a woman-equivalent person, which entails lower social status. The dominant male can take whichever sexual partner he pleases, and it’s a mark of honor and status for him to be virile (the very, very ancient chestnut about why playboys are tolerated and admired while sexually active women are “sluts.”) The gender of his partners might not matter as much as their social class, their status in relation to his, his “right” to expect sexual availability from them, and a whole lot of other factors. This could be and also was the case in medieval Europe. But may we point out that the men engaging in these kind of explicitly unequal relationships, which are more about reinforcing power and control than real desire, are very, very unlike the equal and loving mutual partnership between Joe and Nicky, where they were clearly happy to please and respect the other in whatever way.
It has not always been the case that same-sex activity would automatically be defined and suspect, though yes, there has never been an instance in Western history where it was placed uncomplicatedly on the same level as opposite-sex activity. It had to be constructed that way. As I keep saying, modern homophobia is a lot more stringent and explicit than any medieval expressions thereof, because if “homosexuality” was not constructed as a clearly recognized identity, there was less ability to rail against it. In fact, the usual rhetorical tactic was to just ignore it. Sodomy is known as the “silent sin” or “peccatum mutum” in Latin, because moralists usually didn’t talk about it or discuss it or give it an actual framework for debate and thus implied legitimacy. There were obvious exceptions (Peter Damian, Peter the Chanter, Bernardino of Siena, Heinrich Kramer, etc, etc) and as the medieval era went on, homosexuality became more grouped in with other undesirables. But that also reflected a growing visibility/awareness among people as to what it was. As I keep saying, you can’t be anxious about something, you can’t be worried about people being susceptible to it, you can’t be worried that it’s happening in reality, if it’s just an abstract concern of rhetoric that only a handful of churchmen know about. The increasing visibility of queerness as a category of exclusion in late medieval polemics reflected a) the social stress of the crises of the late medieval world and the usual function of Others as a scapegoat and b) the fact that by then, people must have had enough awareness of it as a pattern of consistent behavior for clerics to get mileage out of attacking it.
Anyway. In an attempt to summarize: historians can’t possibly know how historical queer people felt about themselves, if they were influenced by societal or internalized homophobia (itself quite different from modern homophobia), how much of the dominant social narrative they accepted, the reasons for the choices that they made, if they saw their queer preferences as a sin or as a valid lifestyle, and so on. But it seems unlikely that historical queer people specifically in loving long-term relationships, such as Joe and Nicky, would be unduly tied to much of that, and that has always been the case.
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hmgfanfic · 4 years
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Saw a reblog of yours from a bit ago but your tags "Fen is obviously sympathetic in theory but I have to *imagine it* rather than *feeling it*" are absolutely it exactly. It haunts me!!!
This is insanely late, I’m so sorry! Here is my belated answer, under the cut because I know Fen can be a sensitive topic, in all directions. Below is generally pro-Fen as a concept, but definitely critical of the writers’ take on her.
It haunts me too!!! The writers sowed the seeds of so many interesting things about Fen and so rarely followed up on them. Which is the TM writing credo, I know, but still. Ugh.
But, like, Fen is a character who’s completely defined by her circumstances in an extreme patriarchal world and she can’t ever really escape it, no matter what she does. Her arc should have been (and I think was intended to be) about her overcoming that within the structures available to her and emerging out the other side at peace and with purpose, if not fully self-actualized. It’s not exactly reinventing the wheel, re: feminist themes, but I think it’s something most people can recognize as sympathetic. And maybe more controversially, I even found it sympathetic that she was heartbroken when the husband who finally came for her—the man she was meant to serve and obey, the one she’d been told is was her sole purpose in life since birth—ended up being completely uninterested in her as a wife and a sexual partner without others being involved (which is true no matter how you view El’s sexuality. ) That’s... honestly devastating.
My issue, of course, comes from the particular way the show explored that devastation. Pretty much everything in S2 made me... only able to sympathize with her in theory. Basically, the sour taste started around the time I realized the show was putting blame on Eliot for not living up to something or not trying hard enough to make the marriage/their “family” a more traditional one. Like eventually the answer to Fen’s question, “Am I not enough for you?” should have been “Of course you are, darling.” Which is certainly... relatable as a queer person! Not in a good way, but it could have been an interesting starting point for conflict and an exploration of how to form a necessary partnership out of polar-opposite needs.
But it wasn’t written that way.
Instead, it was written to heavily suggest the audience was supposed to agree that Eliot was inherently a “shitty husband” and that his indifference to Fen sexually was him being shallow or that his fear of becoming a father was him being a deadbeat, rather than explicitly portraying Eliot as a freaked out, self-sacrificing young queer man who nearly always treated his magically-compulsory wife as kindly and fairly as he could, even when his entire world was nothing but turmoil. In reality, only thing he didn’t do was treat her like a romantic partner, which is because she wasn’t and that’s okay, considering everything. He tried his best in the face of absurdity. Which is—and should have been—equally sympathetic, but it wasn’t to these writers for some reason.*
(*Homophobia.)
And I think the most aggravating thing is, they almost won me over to Fen in S3! Especially the scene where she pragmatically explains to Eliot why she’s sticking around, which is was a squint-and-see-it thread of connection to my other favorite scene of hers, where in S2 she angrily acknowledges Eliot’s lack of attraction to her and refers to herself as a “realist.” I would have loved a Fen whose saccharine sweetness was as much a suit of armor as Margo’s harshness or Eliot’s insouciance. It gave her depth, it took her seriously, and it actually followed from the situation the writers should have been depicting all along, which was that they were two strangers who imperfectly tried to make the best of a terrible situation.
So I’ll never be sad for Fen because Eliot, specifically, wasn’t in love her or didn’t want a family with her; I was sad for Fen because every aspect of her circumstances sucked, from the patriarchal mores of Fillory to the fidelity magic, trapping her to someone who could decide to execute her on a whim. For a little while, it seemed like the show was finally starting to get that, but then it all disintegrated and Fen ended up further Flanderized.
Anyway, she deserved better [writing.]
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livlepretre · 4 years
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tysm for all ur FE updates!!! i'm really excited for elijah's introduction in this dynamic. i feel like he's just as acquainted with elena's morally complex nature as klaus's since, after all, he was the first one she ever lured in and daggered (call-back to that scene was GREAT btw). i'm just curious how you view elena/elijah's dynamic vs. klaus/elena's, even outside the scope of the fic, esp since they've had more canon interactios
This is an ask after my own heart, nonny! 
This is such an interesting question-- it’s true that Elijah and Elena have a lot more canon interactions to work with, although the Klaus and Elena interactions we DO have in canon are so ripe and explosive that it lends itself to a lot of speculation. 
So, here are my thoughts: 
Elena/Elijah: Elena and Elijah both operate under the false assumption that they’re both honorable people. In fact, all of the trust they build together in season 2 is based on this idea, with both of them going to great lengths to negotiate and prove themselves to the other. They both think they’re being extremely honest with the other-- the deal they make in 2x11 utterly fascinates me, because Elijah honestly asks Elena to die as her part of the deal, and she agrees??? It doesn’t sound like he tried to hide that from her at all. Now, Elena DOES dagger him, but she also proves herself to him later and is able to account for her actions. All of that combined with the insane levels of attraction between them (WHEN HE SMELLS HER AND THEN GIVES HER THAT LITTLE WAVE IN 2x08????) make for really captivating television. There’s also a lot of interesting framing going on with the camera angles-- if you look back at it, notice how often Elena is shown in mirror reflections during her early scenes with Elijah-- all the time. What a great call back to how he sees her not just as herself, but as her role as the doppelganger. I do think he BEGINS to see her as herself as he gets to know her, especially by 2x19, but that takes time. 
Well. The crux of it all is that Elena goes through with her side of the deal-- the deal on which their entire relationship is based-- going to her death, losing her aunt whom Elijah fails to protect-- even though doing so was HIS part of the bargain-- and then Elijah is the one who breaks his word when he decides not to kill Klaus. This is the first sign we have that actually Elijah isn’t honorable at all; he thinks that he is, but really, he’s as selfish as his siblings. I don’t really think Elena ever forgives him for this. We see in season 3 that she still really is attracted to Elijah, and that she can’t quite help but be drawn in by him, but she never allows herself to really put herself in his hands again. She might feel bad about conspiring to kill him with the rest of his family in 3x14 and 3x15... but she also doesn’t hesitate. And she doesn’t exactly confess what she’s done, either. She just gets caught. I also don’t think that Elijah’s letter to her did anything to smooth over the wreck they’d made of their relationship/unspoken attraction to each other. The way Elena recites it back to him in season 4 says it all about how much she dwelled on his words, but it also implies that she’s still hurt and angry about it all all of that time later. I think she had this really powerful, idealized image of Elijah, and her disillusionment with him is profound. 
Meanwhile, Elena is also on a path throughout seasons 2 & 3 of discovering that she’s not who she thought she’d grow up to be. She is definitely more honorable than Elijah when they meet, and she means to keep her word. But Elena’s story is that she’s an orphan with no parental/mentor guidance influencing her in a positive and moral way; instead, she has a 26 year old aunt who means well but is totally in the dark about what’s really going on and pretty much in over her head, and maybe Alaric, who shouldn’t count as a good influence because, well, look at his life, look at his choices. And she has the Salvatores. The greatest influences upon her. Damon has the greatest part in tipping her away from the straight and narrow path, to getting her sense of right and wrong to slowly unravel until she gets to a place such as 2x05, when she watches Damon eat the deputies and she doesn’t bat an eyelash (how far she’s come from 1x07 when she slapped Damon and called him out!). I MORE than suspect that the infamous Elijah-daggering at the lake house was a Damon/Elena collaboration. But even Stefan, who the show frames as so stalwart and honorable, is still a terrifying vampire with ultimately little concern for human life. He still hurts people off and on throughout seasons 1 & 2, or doesn’t particularly have a problem with it when Damon does. I mean, do you see Stefan crying over what Damon did to Caroline in season 1? It’s inconceivable from a human view point. But that’s the point. They’re not human, and they’re the greatest influences in Elena’s life. No small part of Bonnie’s horror with the Salvatores is because she watches Elena slowly turn down this dark path with those two leading Elena by the hand-- human Elena, who should never cross through the veil into the shadow. 
She’s still in the process of straying from that path-- from her honorable self-- when Elijah meets her. By the time they encounter each other in season 3, she’s already left all of that behind. She stabs people in the back when they trust her. She negotiates and gives her word only to double cross as soon as the moment is right, and she doesn’t seem to lose very much sleep over it. Elijah’s issue is that he cannot see that in Elena-- he wants to see her as who she was when he met her-- who Katerina and probably who Tatia was-- as a miracle that he desires but doesn’t quite dare to touch-- but he is incapable of seeing that his betrayal of her at the sacrifice was probably the last straw that killed whatever innocence was left in Elena. 
I think the attraction and the yearning is always going to be there between them, but it’s so embittered, especially from Elena’s point of view, that it’s hard to say whether they would be able to work past that unless Elijah suddenly learned some actual introspection skills. 
Elena/Klaus: I’ve had to think a while about this dynamic to answer the question of how this relationship is as directly compared to Elena/Elijah. Obviously they both have the history and repetition element, of the dead lover whose face keeps reiterating through time-- what a dreadful and terrifying idea, honestly. Except where Elijah is almost afraid to even touch Elena (he SO desires her, but never ever acts on it), Klaus touches Elena all. the. time. There’s a real possessiveness to his relationship with her-- notice how he holds her as he devours her; how during the Reckoning he’s always physically close to her, leaning into her space, touching her-- whereas Elijah really physically backs off from Elena when he confirms her identity, Klaus comes closer. 
This is interesting because I’ve realized in thinking about this relationship, and what Klaus and Elena potentially have in common, that what they really share is their isolation-- their loneliness. Klaus explicitly states that this is why he desires Elena-- to make hybrids, so he won’t be alone anymore (Rebekah mocks him for it, but there it is). Elena, meanwhile, is at her most alone in season 3-- everyone walks away from her there, for reasons she has no control over. This is never really used as a point to bring them together as characters, but I find it really interesting as a possibility for connection. 
Another thing that really interests me is that Elena often tries to negotiate with Klaus the way she would with Elijah-- and mostly, it fails spectacularly. Klaus recognizes in Elena that she is a schemer and a liar-- because he is too. What’s fascinating though is that, just like Elijah, he tends to treat her as an equal in these conversations-- even if he doesn’t want to play. He doesn’t tend to treat with the other characters in this way, and that gives Elena an intriguingly special status there. 
In canon we really don’t have a ton to work with to talk about the Klaus/Elena dynamic-- it’s all potential. The idea of fate being so strong and impossible to avoid-- that in that sense, they’re almost warped soul mates?; the powerful fire imagery surrounding them (the only time Elena’s elemental coding switches from water to fire is with Klaus); the chemistry and attraction that bubbled over in all of their scenes, especially in the early days; the fact that she is just so constantly challenging him and wrecking him at every turn? Klaus’s big problem is that no one is his equal, and yet... here is Elena. Human Elena, whose reasoning is as warped as Klaus’s by season 3, who somehow keeps scrambling up to play against Original vampires and witches and all sorts of creatures who should be able to crush her and yet, she keeps besting them. That’s some potent stuff to work with. I tend to think that at the end of the day, Klaus actually understands Elena much better than Elijah did, because his view of her isn’t really muddied by idealism and instead really takes into account her more tarnished nature. My only regret is that the showrunners obviously feared ever really exploring Klaus x Elena x Elijah (EVEN THOUGH THEY COMPLETELY SET IT UP) because they felt that Stefan x Elena x Damon was already as much as the show could handle (it wasn’t-- we should have done both, obviously). 
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wild-aloof-rebel · 4 years
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Some Favorite Fics from 2019
Before I dive into my list, let me send out some love to ALL of the authors who have contributed fic to this fandom this year. There are well over 300 people who wrote Schitt’s Creek fic this year, and you’ve brought joy to so many people and should be super proud of what you’ve written, whether it was only 100 words or 100k. I’ve personally read more than 6.5 million words of fic in this fandom this year, and I want to thank you all for every single one of them. <3
Now, in continuing this year-end love fest we’ve had going on the last few days, I also want to highlight some of my favorite fics from this year. I decided to cut myself off at twenty fics or we’d end up with a list too big to be allowed, lol. I also decided to limit myself to one fic per author in order to spread the love around as much as possible; there would definitely be some repeat authors on this list otherwise. 
And now with all that in mind, I’ll shut up and get on with it. 
Here are twenty of my favorite fics from this year and what I love about them...
this roof is a blanket by withkissesfour • rated M • 3k+ I love Patrick-centric fics. He’s such a beautiful character, but because he isn’t one of the four Roses, we miss out on a lot of his pov in the show, so I’m always here for fics that try to capture that. And this one does it beautifully, focusing on four different but thematically-connected moments in Patrick’s life.
We’re Getting Something for Free by MoreHuman • rated G • 1k+ This is one of those fics where you can see how much Patrick KNOWS David and loves him for exactly who he is. His refusal to let David villainize himself for just being who he is makes my heart so very happy.
Heart of Gold by barelypink • rated M • 40k+ I love love LOVE a good AU, but AUs based on other media can be really tricky to get right. The best ones take elements from both sources and elevate them into something fresh and new, and this fic does exactly that.
now you see me by grapehyasynth • rated T • 4k+ Did I mention that I love AUs? I never get tired of seeing them meet in new ways, and their New York-set blind date in this one just makes me smile a whole hell of a lot.
I’m All Lost (in the supermarket) by sullymygoodname • rated G • 9k+ This fic combines David “Good Person” Rose, headless mannequins, tiny cardboard houses, karaoke, ugly sweaters, and all the friendship and shenanigans you can possibly stand. What’s not to love?
I know, I’m strange, too much light makes me nervous by another_Hero • rated T • 4k+ I’m so in love with the entire premise for this soulmate AU and everything that it says about love and the choices that we make because of it.
Pizza Night by smoulderandbraids • rated M • 4k+ Sometimes you just need to read about them making pizza and making out. Thank goodness this fic exists for those times. It’s a straightforward concept executed perfectly.
cinnamon sugar... by startswithhope • rated T • 1k+ All of startswithhope’s fics have a lovely softness to them that almost seems nostalgic, like you can feel yourself missing them before you’re even done reading them. This one I think captures that feeling best and most explicitly--David’s mood here is exactly that kind of nostalgia. And his thoughts about Stevie near the beginning are something that I’ve found myself thinking about over and over again since I first read this.
On My Way by Distractivate • rated M • 11k+ As much as I love the happy place that is this show, I also really love fic that acknowledges that sometimes relationships are hard, that things aren’t always perfect, that love is a CHOICE which has to be actively made again and again and again. This fic showcases exactly that. Love isn’t always easy, but choosing to love each other anyway is always worth it.
around us by lamphouse • rated G • 1k+ This one is a simple idea, written with a soft touch, and every time I re-read it, I’m crying by the time David says “I want to stand still.”
of all the riches. by falconeggs • rated T • 9k+ Who doesn’t love a good celebrity AU? This one is as cute as you could possibly want it to be, from their first meeting to taking their relationship public. It’s just a little slice of joy.
Overreacting by codswallop • rated M • 17k+ Fics dealing with hospital visits and illnesses and things of that sort can easily tip over into whumpy territory (which is totally fine if that’s what you’re looking for), but this fic goes a different direction and manages to be funny and sweet and charming while balancing the anxiety of waiting for news. David and Patrick’s dynamic here is so good; they’re both sharp and funny and vulnerable and messy in turn, joking like normal when they can, lifting each other up when they can’t.
101 by Hth • rated E • 8k+ Like I said, I love fics that acknowledge that things aren’t always perfect, and there’s nothing more rife for imperfection than a first night spent together. Their night at Stevie’s is the perfect setting for starting to navigate some difficult conversations, especially in the wake of Jake’s unexpected appearance, and this fic does a great job of getting them through the nerves and the talking and the the stops and starts of that night. And their last two lines of dialogue are perfection.
The Sidelines by wildhoneypie • rated T • 5k+ Comedy is so much harder to write than you might expect, and I am constantly awed by how well this fic does it. It feels effortless and in-character and in line with the kind of humor that beats at the heart of the show, all while still capturing that instant, playful attraction between David and Patrick. It’s just such a fun read.
holy sick divine by earlylight • rated T • 36k+ If the tags “Strangers who Met in a Field to Coworkers to Friends to Lovers” and “Paperwork - But Make It Sexy” don’t endear you to this fic before you even start it, I don’t know what to tell you. My favorite part of this story is actually the role reversal of Patrick being Stevie’s best friend, Patrick having dated Jake, etc. That’s just one way that this fic takes everything we know and turns it on its head, and it does it with good humor and such a strange sweetness. It’s utterly unique, and the final scene just burrows down into your heart and sets up house there.
A Fair Return by thingswithwings • rated E • 237k+ This is probably the most insanely well-crafted canon retelling I’ve seen in my life. It adds so much backstory to the show and makes you rethink scenes you know intimately, which is what any good canon retelling should do. The OCs and the ways they’re carved into the structure of the story we know are where this fic particularly shines; it’s so, so well done.
my heart was broke, my head was sore by blueink3• rated M • 31k+ I think the only thing better than fake dating might be the exact reverse: having to pretend you’re not dating when you are. Even though they’re technically together, there’s just so much opportunity for pining and angst (both of which blueink3 always does SO fucking well), and this fic takes that to another level by adding in the fragile newness of their relationship and the anxiety of a family medical scare. David is so, so careful with Patrick here, and I love every single word of it.
let’s go dancing in the light by goingmywaydoll • rated G • 2k+ It was so difficult to narrow this down to one fic by goingmywaydoll because I absolutely love everything she does, but ultimately I went with her first one for this fandom. I’m SUCH a sucker for David and Patrick seeing each other before the wedding, and David having anxiety about not having anxiety is pretty much the most David thing possible. The characterization, the dialogue, the whole entire mood of the fic--it’s all absolutely spot-on. This one is everything I could ever want from wedding fic.
for feelings unbound by wardo_wedidit • rated E • 20k+ Picking one single fic by wardo_wedidit was also a near-impossible task, but ultimately I had to go with this one because it’s honestly perfect. David’s empath abilities add SO much to his characterization and the trajectory of his relationship with Patrick, and it fills this fic with so many gorgeous moments that leave you feeling like maybe there really is magic in the world--and this fic has plenty of it.
Watching Through Windows by helvetica_upstart • rated E • 38k+ Every single moment of this fic is heartbreaking in the best possible way. Reading it is like cracking yourself open and then putting yourself back together a little stronger. Watching David learn about the man he’d grown into and have to decide if he wants to (or even can) become that man all over again is simultaneously gut-wrenching and soul-healing. And Patrick in this fic--god, what can I even say about him? He’s so understanding and GOOD, even when he’s terrified and heartbroken. He is absolutely everything. Everything. This story is 100% perfection from start to finish, and the bench scene in particular is hands down the best scene in any fic I’ve read this year.
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transmascfrankiero · 4 years
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um thoughts on hamlet?
i’m sobbing thank you and i’m sorry in advance because this is going to be LONG
so my hottest take on hamlet (i have many, many hot takes on this play) is that ophelia’s suicide was a hoax, and that gertrude, the queen, straight up murdered ophelia instead. why do i believe this? many reasons:
1. throughout the play, gertrude and ophelia have almost no relationship in terms of interaction between them. many, if not most, stagings of the play place ophelia and gertrude on opposite sides of the stage when a scene has both of them in it, and gertrude’s dialogue toward and about ophelia heavily suggests that she doesn’t really care for ophelia at all. at best, she tolerates ophelia, and at worst, she treats ophelia like an interloper in her court, a flighty girl who drives her son to distraction and has as much to offer to gertrude as her father. (gertrude’s famous line, “more matter with less art,” is an annoyed outburst directed at ophelia’s father polonius, whom gertrude outwardly loathes.) in ophelia’s last scene before her death, she appears to have lost her mind to grief in the wake of her father’s murder, and wanders through a royal meeting handing out flowers and singing. however, she gives gertrude fennel and columbines, which represent adultery in flower language, and TELLS GERTRUDE AS MUCH, TO HER FACE. in case you’re unfamiliar with hamlet, one of the big conflicts in the play is that gertrude, hamlet’s mother the queen, married claudius, the king’s brother, approximately thirty seconds after the king died and there’s a rumor floating around court that they were hooking up LONG before hamlet senior fell victim to the classic poison-in-the-ear trick. (later it’s confirmed that claudius himself was the one who murdered the king. whoops!) so ophelia accusing the queen of adultery is of course a HUGE slap in the face, and ophelia only gets away with it because ~~~she’s mad with grieeeeef sob cry~~~ which is GENIUS and i have more theories about that particular action on ophelia’s but that’s another post for another day.
2. ophelia dies offstage. she is never seen or heard from again until her funeral in act V. the only reason we find out about ophelia’s death - and in fact, the only way we know how she died - is because gertrude tells us about it. yes, gertrude, weirdly enough! gertrude gives a monologue which describes in excruciating detail exactly how ophelia died, right down to the kind of plants that were getting caught in her dress as she drowned and what songs she sang as she slipped into her watery grave. the sort of details you would only expect a person who was there to witness the death could provide. sketchy, right? what’s even sketchier is that gertrude makes no mention of having heard this from someone else. she’s not like, “oh, this is the hot village goss, take a sip babes,” she doesn’t offer any explanation at all as to how this information got to her. she just dives straight into her ultra explicit account of the drowning. SUPER weird! and furthermore, why is gertrude of all people the one giving us this information when there is clearly no love lost in their relationship? couldn’t this have come from one of those rando shakespeare characters who show up for one scene, deliver a message, and then vanish again? well, sure, but it didn’t. it came from gertrude. and that was intentional on shakespeare’s part - he wants you to be suspicious of this information, beCAUSE...
3. the play itself tells us that the conditions of ophelia’s death are VERY SUS. the very next scene after gertrude’s macabre monologue is act V scene I, wherein two gravediggers are preparing ophelia’s grave for her burial and discussing between themselves why they’re preparing for a christian burial if she killed herself. (in shakespeare’s time, suicide was a sin, and people who committed suicide weren’t given proper burials because of it.) the dialogue goes like this:
GRAVEDIGGER 1: Is she to be buried in Christian burial when she willfully seeks her own salvation? (translation: Why is she getting a proper burial if she killed herself?) GRAVEDIGGER 2: I tell thee she is. Therefore make her grave straight. The crowner hath sat on her and finds it Christian burial. (After examining her, the coroner said she should get a proper burial.) GRAVEDIGGER 1: How can that be, unless she drowned herself in her own defense? (So what, she drowned in self-defense?) GRAVEDIGGER 2: Why, ‘tis found so. (That’s what they said she did.)
the text here indicates loud and clear that something about ophelia’s death is complicated, enough that there’s DOUBT about it being a suicide. and what’s more, there’s so much doubt that her death was a suicide, she gets to be buried for real in the eyes of God. but the text does not explicitly state what, exactly, is so weird about ophelia’s death. it just wants you to know that the whens and wherefores about it are strange, and that characters who are not emotionally involved believe it’s strange, too. it doesn’t stop there, either! the priest who’s going to perform the funeral ceremony says, in as many words, to the royal family, “Her death was doubtful.” interesting!
4.  gertrude has this TOTAL crocodile tears thing going on at ophelia’s funeral. after spending the entire play openly disdaining ophelia as a silly little airhead, here’s what she has to say at her grave:
GERTRUDE: Sweets to the sweet. Farewell! I hoped thou shouldst have been my Hamlet’s wife. I thought thy bride-bed to have decked, sweet maid, and not have strewed thy grave. (I thought I’d be covering your wedding bed in flowers, not your grave.)
kind of a weird, sudden change of heart for her to have about ophelia, right? you could argue that it’s grief-driven, that people gain new perspective after someone dies and maybe she’s just now realizing that ophelia was really a great person all along. but given just how few fucks she gave about ophelia when she was alive, it doesn’t make sense for her to be sad after ophelia’s death, unless she’s being performative about her grief. and yeah, she’s the queen, people are paying attention to how she reacts to shit and therefore on some level everything she does is performative, but it’s in particular how she relates her grief back to ophelia being her son’s girlfriend that gives me pause, beCAUSE...
5. there is, of course, that whole Oedipal reading of hamlet, where the reason hamlet and gertrude’s relationship is fifty shades of fucked up is because they’re sexually attracted to one another. while this reading of hamlet is mostly a freudian analysis that is treated as a sort of embarrassing joke nowadays by scholars and theatre folks alike, when you read the scenes between hamlet and gertrude - in particular the famous closet scene, from which the bulk of this analysis derives - you DEFINITELY get the sense that this relationship is weird and toxic for reasons that have nothing to do with the fact that gertrude married hamlet’s uncle. gertrude is really, really, really wrapped up in her son. but not in a loving, maternal sort of way - instead, it comes across as a narcissistic parent desperate to understand why their child has not turned out exactly the way the parent wanted them to be. gertrude continually accuses hamlet of acting out of pocket specifically to hurt her, and does not consider any other motivation for his actions. when he acts out of turn in court, it embarrasses her. his strange behavior reflects poorly on her as a mother and as the queen, and she doesn’t like it. she has a nervous breakdown over it in the closet scene, where she basically begs hamlet to be normal for her sake.
now with all of this in mind...
i believe gertrude, having gotten fed up with her son acting Weird and making her look bad all the time, decides that in order to exert SOME means of control over the situation, is going to take it upon herself to eliminate anything that could be the cause of his bad behavior. and the most obvious cause, at least to her, is ophelia. why would gertrude believe this? well, in act one, polonius encourages ophelia to break up with hamlet, because he’s worried hamlet’s gonna steal his daughter’s virginity (which, gross, but whatever, we’re not here to talk about that today). because ophelia’s an obedient daughter, she does so. then, in act two, ophelia runs to tell her father polonius about an encounter she had with hamlet in her bedroom, where he did a bunch of weird creepy shit and then left her a letter that expressed how desperately in love with her he was. polonius decides that hamlet’s gone nuts because ophelia dumped him, and the two of them tell the king and queen about their theory. claudius asks gertrude if she thinks the theory holds water, and gertrude responds that it might. later on, in act three scene one (i.e. “to be or not to be”), this theory is apparently confirmed - at least to polonius and gertrude - by the way hamlet treats ophelia.
so, the very first theory posited to gertrude about why her son’s acting weird is that it’s because of ophelia. and we’ve already established that a) gertrude doesn’t like ophelia, and b) gertrude is a narcissist. she’s desperate to make hamlet stop his bad behavior and therefore stop making her look bad. the worse hamlet’s behavior gets, the worse gertrude’s desperation gets to stop it. and everyone else in this play solves their problems with murder, so it tracks that gertrude would solve her problem with murder, too!
gertrude killed ophelia hoping that it would make her son would go back to normal. (and, if for some reason you like the Oedipal reading of hamlet, it could be argued that she was also jealous of ophelia. but i don’t really love the Oedipal reading, so i’m choosing to ignore this argument.) the fact that ophelia was apparently insane at the time just made it easier for her to make up the suicide alibi. that’s why she knows so much about the circumstances surrounding ophelia’s death - because she was THERE and she CAUSED IT. that’s why shakespeare has gertrude delivering the news of her death. that’s why the play tells us, repeatedly, that the circumstances of ophelia’s death are suspicious. because ophelia didn’t drown herself. gertrude totally straight up drowned her!
thanks for coming to my TED talk everyone
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norahastuff · 5 years
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Just some thoughts about my utter befuddlement as to how people react to low key reveals about sexuality on tv and the damned if you do, damned if you don’t reactions to this approach (especially if the reveal in question is about a  male character’s sexuality). Is it even possible to satisfy the burden of proof vs “out of nowhere” thing? Under a cut because this is basically just me thinking out loud, or whatever the written equivalent to that is. 
(Spn and Arrow discussion below)
It’s only recently that I’ve started discussing tv shows online. I’d looked up a couple of sites before but I never really felt the need to join. What I really like about tumblr is that you get to really tailor your experience, so that you control the kind of posts you see and interact with. I mean this is supposed to be for fun and entertainment, so being able to avoid bitterness and other things that annoy me, is great. But it also means I’m somewhat sheltered from some of the reactions out there.
I’d fallen behind on Arrow so I decided to catch up on it. There’s another site that has the discussion arranged by episode so I decided to just read those after I was done with the season 7 premiere, because I thought it was amazing and was curious about how other people felt about it. There was a ton of positivity so I thought hmm that’s cool, I might check out what they’re saying about 7x02 as well.
(I’m not going to name the site, it’s not even about this site in particular, there are similar comments on every site - this just happens to be the one I checked out. This post is more about general attitudes.)
In Arrow, the titular character Oliver, has a son, William who is currently 12 years old. 7x02 shows a flash forward to 10 years into the future, where during a conversation, William has a casual line where he mentions ‘’my ex-boyfriend’’. That’s all it is, just one line. The person he’s speaking to doesn’t dwell on it, the storyline currently isn’t focusing on William’s romantic life, and they go back to discussing the whatever it is they were talking about before. All that happens is, we the audience now know that William is into dudes. I think later in the season we get more on it, but I’m not caught up yet.
I personally thought it was a nice realistic way for the show to convey that William isn’t straight. Apparently not. There were a bunch of comments about how the CW is just, and I quote ‘’all about sexual orientation’’ and all of Hollywood is just too into, and again I quote, “their social agenda’’. By the way, this is a show where there is only one other series regular who is explicitly portrayed as not being straight. But apparently two gay characters in a main cast of around 8ish, depending on the season, is too much and is pushing an agenda.
There were also people complaining that there had not been any build up to it and that it was coming out of nowhere. This is the one that gets me. So we’re supposed to a expect 12 year old boy who’s been on the show for around three years (so 9-12 years old) to telegraph his sexuality to the audience during that time? He’s also never shown any attraction to the opposite sex, so if he’d mentioned an ex girlfriend in that scene, would that be coming out of nowhere? Sighs. 
I think William eventually in a few eps does say he’s gay, but it really does highlight the insane burdens any character faces if they’re not straight and don’t have a coming out arc. And for some reason, there is always more complaining/resistance if it’s a guy....hmm who’dda thunk it?
There’s actually an easy way to test that theory. This season on the Flash, the titular character Barry’s daughter from the future is also queer. There’s no explicit mention of it, but only once has Nora, ever shown any romantic interest in someone and it’s been a woman. It’s again a very casual reveal, there’s no dwelling on it and the story moves along. I can’t bring myself to check the site again,  but I have a feeling if I did, and this may be a crazy theory, there wouldn’t be half as many people who had a problem with it as there were with William.
(As a sidenote, in the 7x01 discussion people were jokingly making comments about how since both Nora and William were both from the future and kids of superheroes, they were probably dating. They were fine with assuming both of these characters were straight without any proof or build up, but when it turns out neither of them are, welll...)
What I really hope is that this is mostly a “people who discuss the show on that site” thing. That there are a lot of casual viewers out there that don’t give this kind of thing much thought. That the people who complained about Korrasami being too out of the blue and there not being any build up, are outnumbered by the amount of people who didn’t pick up on Korrasami but, when it happened, just thought, ok cool! (Actually Korrasami is a good example of how w/w do face these challenges with acceptance too.)
Before I found tumblr, I did come across a “why do people think Dean and Cas are anything other than totes str8 bros?” post on this same site I mentioned before (and yes according to the discussion, Cas is straight too because although he’s been in both male and female bodies, is indifferent to sexual orientation and doesn’t even have a gender in the same way humans do, he’s only kissed women on the show so that makes him straight...which I don’t even know how to react to.)
A couple of people did try to respond sensibly and thoughtfully about all the subtext and some of the stories between Dean and Cas that led them to think this way, to which the response was basically, yeah well that’s all just friend stuff to me, none of that proves they are romantic. 
When they were then asked, ok so if they did explicitly reveal they were romantic, through a declaration or hand holding or whatever, would you be alright with it then? 
And (this exchange still gives me a headache) they said, no they wouldn’t be ok with it, because it would be coming out of nowhere.
So if I have this right, years of pining, romantic tropes and subtext is too subtle and not accepted as a build up to any kind of romance storyline, even if there are many many people who do see it that way...but if they explicitly address it, it��s too out of the blue and wouldn’t make any sense?
This is when I call bullshit. This is when I say for people who make claims like the one above, it’s not about the story not making sense. It’s not about being out of character or there being no warning. It’s about you being uncomfortable with the idea that you spent time enjoying a story or looking up to/relating to a character, that wasn’t explicitly revealed as not being straight from the beginning of the story. And for some reason, that bothers you. 
Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not saying that anyone who doesn’t/hasn’t picked up on subtext or see the queer coding of certain characters or relationships has this problem. Just the ones who dismiss any and all signs of it and then claim there’s no build up if it does happen. They were going to have a problem with it, no matter how it played out. Because sexuality is completely rigid, it’s straight or gay, mostly straight, and if it’s gay it has to be obvious from day 1 so they can see this character as gay first and foremost, before they form any other opinions or attachments to them. And hey, they may still love the character, but they know from the beginning they’re gay, so they can allot them that label and have them classified as such. 
Apparently even fictional depictions of any kind of fluidity in sexuality are terrifying.
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