#but maybe didn't have much genetic impact

[discipulusmaleficus]

...may be getting increasingly attached to the idea of Kal being a Defective Magical Clone of his Most Infamous Ancestor and also completely unaware of this fact

#like. Mr. Oakheart WAS still around and required for some sort of sex ritual I think #but maybe didn't have much genetic impact #or shouldn't have if he did #hkljghjlkghlkjhjkhkj #(even though it WOULD be very funny if he never existed in the first place)

[les4elliewilliams]

With all my heart.

¡! daily click・palestine masterpost・do not buy any game from naughty dog, neil druckmann is a zionist・more daily clicks. ¡!

cw/wc: 10.9k (ik wtf) not proofread ; smut, fingering both r/e!receiving, oral (r!receiving), swearing, fluff, reader has a heart condition. jackson ellie x fem reader (💘)

a/n: I'm not really sure how I feel about this, lol (especially the smut part). I tried to do a lot of research about this type of heart issue to make it as accurate as possible, so if it's not, I'm sorry, I tried. ib one of those romantic movies where one of the characters is sick and has some rare condition (except that no one dies.)

also can we start romanticizing unconditional love and healthy relationships?

You knew you had won the lottery the moment you accidentally bumped into her in the hospital.

Your life has been full of challenges right from the beginning. You were born with a condition that affected your heartbeats, making it difficult for your heart to function normally. So you had to rely on a pacemaker to regulate your heartbeat. This condition has significantly impacted your life, making it hard for you to engage in activities that require physical exertion.

Long QT Syndrome, or LQTS, is a rare genetic condition that can mess up your heart's electrical system. It can cause your heartbeats to go wild, making you faint, have seizures, or even go into sudden cardiac arrest. To keep yourself safe, you needed to take your meds, live a certain way, and have a pacemaker — which you had implanted.

Living a normal life had always been tough for you, and it wasn't only the syndrome's physical symptoms that held you back, but also your parents' protectiveness. They worried a lot about your health, maybe a bit too much, leaving you with very little freedom to do anything. Even simple things like going to a party or hanging out with friends like a regular teenager seemed like a luxury you could never have. Although you understood that your parents were only trying to protect you, their overprotectiveness always made you feel suffocated and cut off from the world. You always felt like an alien who had just been dropped off on Earth; you knew nothing about anything. You've always had to rely on the stories and experiences of people around you, like your friends, to help you figure things out and feel like you had lived a little.

You have been homeschooled ever since you were a little kid. You didn't have many opportunities to participate in social activities and make friends. However, you did manage to meet two people who have remained your only friends to this day. You met them in the park when you were a kid, and to your luck, they stuck around. You often wonder if they stayed with you out of pity or because they genuinely liked spending time with you, but you were glad regardless; it was good to have someone to hang out with.

The memory of the day you met Ellie is still as vivid in your mind as it was when it happened. You had just finished your routine checkup at the hospital and were feeling a bit peckish. You made your way to the vending machine to grab a snack, suddenly feeling a wave of dizziness sweep over you. You hoped a quick snack would help, but fate seemed to have other plans in store for you that day. As you selected your snack, you watched in frustration as it got stuck in the vending machine. You tried everything you could to retrieve it, but it refused to budge. Just as you were about to give up, she appeared.

"Can I hel-" she started, but you were already turning around to leave, and just as you turned around to leave, you accidentally collided with her, causing your chest to hit hers. The impact triggered your pacemaker, causing it to beep loudly and incessantly. "Shit — I'm so sorry" she said as she gently grabbed your arm to steady you. "Oh my god, I'm sorry" you said simultaneously. The sound reverberated through the hospital walls, and your face heated up with embarrassment. You had never experienced anything like this before, not even when you bumped into walls at home.

The auburnette looked at you puzzled and asked, "Why're you beeping? Are you okay?" Worried green eyes scanning you, she was clearly taken aback by the unexpected beeping sound and she couldn't understand where it was coming from. You couldn't help but feel drawn to her despite the awkward introduction, she was the most beautiful girl you had ever seen.

Little did you know that this chance encounter would lead to a series of life-changing events.

You remember sitting in the seating area of the hospital, munching on a snack that she had generously gotten for you, you couldn't help but feel grateful for this girl's kindness. She was so funny and kind, cracking dumb puns every now and then. You admired how perfect and flawless she looked and to this day, she still tells you how mesmerized she was by you when she saw you for the first time. You both chatted away about everything and nothing, you noticed that she had a backpack with her. Being the curious person you are, you couldn't resist the urge to ask her what she was studying. She seemed delighted by your interest and started talking passionately about her field of study — art. The more she talked, the more intrigued you were. When your conversation came to an end, she mustered up the courage to ask for your number, a clear indication that she wanted to see you again; it took you by surprise but you happily obliged. Something about you captivated her attention, although you couldn't quite pinpoint what it was.

You never thought that you would have the chance to become friends with her, let alone her best friend. But somehow, again, fate had other plans for you. Your friendship with her started slowly but surely. She always asked you to hang out, and you couldn't help but say yes. She was so fun to be around, and it was impossible not to enjoy her company. She would come to your place and take you on small adventures, always promising to show you something new and exciting. This was especially important to you, as you had shared that your teenage years were quite dull and you didn't venture out of your house much. She always respected your limits, knowing that you had to be cautious with your heart condition. When she started staying at your place, you were surprised at how well she fit in with your family and friends. Your parents loved her and your friends thought she was great too. She was always taking care of you without being overbearing or suffocating. Her kindness and thoughtfulness made you feel valued and appreciated, and you couldn't help but fall for her. How could you not after all? She was perfect.

You shared every aspect of your life with her, and she reciprocated. You both had a shared love for reading, although she preferred a completely different genre from yours. She forced you to read her favorite Savage Starlight comics, and even though they weren't your cup of tea, you still enjoyed spending time with her while reading them, mostly because of how cute she sounded when she read every line out loud, effortlessly switching tones to match the different characters' voices and even adding sound effects to accentuate the narrative. She would often stay the night at your place and binge-read them with you. She loved to talk about her passions for space, dinosaurs, science, and art. She even showed you her drawings and journal, claiming she had never shown them to anyone. She even made a few drawings for you; it was adorable and impressive how she managed to capture every little detail of your face and put it on a piece of paper, she was a talented one. And, of course, you did the same with her — sharing your favorite comics/books with her, even convincing her to watch movies that she always claimed she hated. After watching them with you, she realized they weren't so bad after all. Not that she actually paid attention to the movie, her eyes solely focused on you.

Soon enough she was introducing you to her closest friends. She was convinced that you would love them, and she was totally right. One of her friends, Dina, was so much fun to be around, always full of energy and cracking jokes, she had a smile that could light up the whole room. Jesse, Dina's boyfriend, was just as funny as her, but he was a bit more serious and responsible than the rest of them. He always looked out for Dina and Ellie, but they never listened to him, which resulted in some pretty hilarious situations. The group had a really cool dynamic, and you loved how they made you feel welcome right from the start.

Your first kiss was a moment you could never forget, etched deeply into your memory. You both were deeply in love with each other, and it was evident in the way you looked at each other. Your glances filled with unspoken feelings and palpable tension that drove you crazy, hoping that you weren't the only one feeling that way. And then the moment finally arrived. You remember it was a hot summer day, and the air in your room was stifling despite the fan pointed at your face. You had a few strands of hair that fell loose out of your messy low ponytail, and they moved with the breeze from the fan. You were both on your bed; she was sitting criss-crossed before you, music playing in the background. She was drawing you in her journal, claiming that she needed more practice, which, after years, she revealed was just an excuse to draw you and spend more time with you; you were her favorite muse and she was just a loser who couldn't help but simp for you. Her cheeks were slightly pink due to the heat (or at least you thought), and her green concentrated eyes flickered back and forth from your face to her journal. When she started drawing your lips you unconsciously licked them, causing her eyes to dart up to look at you in the eyes.

She let out a soft sigh and mumbled under her breath, "m' almost done." A faint blush crept up her cheeks, though you couldn't quite explain why. Intrigued, you leaned over to get a glimpse of her work and asked, "Yeah? can I see?" She straightened up, holding the journal close to her chest, and replied with a slight huff, "Don't move, c'mon, stay still." You raised an eyebrow in amusement and retorted, "What? I'm not even moving." She didn't respond and instead furrowed her brows, focusing intently on her piece of art. The room fell silent, except for the sound of her pencil scratching against the paper.

The silence between you and her was palpable but not uncomfortable, yet you still decided to break it with a joke. "Knock knock," you said, a small smile forming on your face. Her eyes, which had been focused on her journal, darted up to meet yours once again. A playful smile appeared on her lips as she asked, "Who's there?" in a slightly sarcastic tone, giving you an eye roll. "Kiss," you replied, wiggling your brows. "Kiss who?" she played along, her eyes still fixed on you. "Me," you smiled awkwardly.

You knew it was a terrible joke, a very corny one, but you couldn't help it. After all, you didn't have much experience in these kinds of things — the universe only knew how long it took you to muster up the courage to make a silly little joke like that one. She chuckled dryly. "God, that's really bad," she commented, and you laughed along. "I know," you lowered your head and shook it slowly before looking up at her again. Both of you were smiling at each other, the tension between you growing. "So?" you quipped, trying to sound confident. "Do you want to?" you asked, your heart beating fast. "Oh shit, you were serious?" She suddenly sounded nervous, placing her somehow worn-out journal on her thighs as she looked at you in disbelief. You could tell she was surprised, and maybe a little flustered. "I'm sosorry — I didn't mean to make it awkward. Forget it. It's just I really like you a lot, but if you don't—" you started to say, trying to diffuse the tension, but her soft lips cut off your nervous rambling before you could finish your sentence. You felt a jolt of electricity shoot through your body as you kissed her back, your hands reaching up to cup her face. It was a moment you would never forget.

After your first kiss, you and Ellie went on a few dates together. It was during one of these dates that she took you to the park and asked you to be her girlfriend. The setting was perfect — you were having a lovely picnic date, the weather was just right, and a gentle breeze was blowing, caressing your skin and making it erupt in goosebumps as you sat close to the pond next to Ellie, throwing frozen peas to the ducks, their quacking filling the air with lively energy. The water was still and calm, the sun was shining, and the greenery around you was lush and vibrant. You felt a sense of warmth and happiness.

The auburnette sat beside you, leaning back as you fed the ducks in the pond. She wore a tender smile on her face, watching you with a gentle gaze. "I thought they only ever ate bread," she commented, breaking the peaceful silence between the two of you. You turned to her, your eyebrows raised in surprise. "If all they eat is bread, how will they survive in the wild without people tossing them bread all the time?" You replied with a hint of sarcasm. She scoffed and playfully nudged you. "Alright, smartass," she said, you nudged her back, both of you giggling like children. "I'm surprised a know-it-all nerd like you didn't know that," you teased her. "Nerd, huh? you actually like this nerd" she retorted teasingly, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she pointed at herself. "Do I, now?" you asked, raising an eyebrow at her. You couldn't take back your words after all, you did like her and you made sure to tell her, let's say... pretty often.

"Oh yeah, you do," she chuckled, nodding her head playfully. The two of you fell back into a comfortable silence, watching the ducks swim around in the pond. Suddenly, she turned to you, her expression serious. "Listen, I was thinking...you know how we're going out on dates and all," she started, her voice hesitant. Your head snapped to look at her; your heart was beating like crazy, not that it usually wasn't due to your syndrome, but it felt crazier than usual. You felt your palms start to sweat, and you grew more nervous by the second. "Yeah?" you prompted her, waiting for her to continue. "I guess what I'm trying to say is...we already act like a couple, so...will you be my girlfriend?" she finally gathered the courage to ask, her eyes locked on yours.

She seemed a bit tense, although you couldn't understand why. After all, you had told her multiple times before how much you liked her, and the two of you had been acting like a couple for quite some time now. You gave her a cheeky smile "Of course I want to," you said confidently, jumping right into her lap, feeling a sudden burst of excitement as you wrapped your arms around her.

Your love was pure and genuine, and it was evident from the little things you did for each other. She would leave little notes around your room or in your bag whenever you left for a second. These notes would remind you of her love for you, and you would return the gesture by hiding notes in her notebooks or in her journal. She would find them the next day during her classes, and it would brighten up her day.

"you look so pretty"

"are you a keyboard? cause you're just my type ;)"

"i love your freckles and i love you"

"hope you're having a good day :) ps. no more pickup lines im begging D:"

Your love was spontaneous and full of small handmade gifts, full of drawings from her part and origami from yours. Once in a while she'd even write and play songs for you, which had you smiling like an idiot cause how romantic was that?

She was always too caring, and she would make sure that you were feeling okay despite your heart disorder. She would accompany you to your doctor appointments and never leave your side, even though you would tell her she didn't need to be there. Unlike your parents who had always been overprotective, she was always looking out for you without being too much. Since you were the "sick" one between the two of you, she always had trouble accepting help from you, especially when she felt sick or was on her period. But you always insisted on taking care of her, making her chicken soup whenever she had a horrible cold, and ensuring that she took painkillers for her period cramps. You always made sure that she had enough pads and her favorite snacks or helped her through one of her panic attacks. Soon, she got used to it and would always be a whining mess when she was sick, hoping you would cuddle with her or baby her. She loved it more than she liked to admit.

On your anniversaries, you would surprise each other with flowers. The first time you had ever gotten her flowers (which was on your first date), she accepted them with teary eyes, saying that none of her ex-girlfriends had ever gotten her flowers or treated her like a woman; you loved the idea of being her first in something — you didn't get to be her first kiss or her first time in...that, but at least you were the first girlfriend who treated her right.

Your first time together was so special and intimate, it made you feel truly alive. The way she was so gentle and caring towards you left an indelible imprint on your heart. Her touch was like a soft breeze on a calm summer day, sending shivers down your spine, and being with her made you feel like you were safe from the rest of the world. You remember how her tender gaze made you feel like the most special and beautiful girl in the world, making your insecurities fade away. The way she held you close, with a warmth that engulfed you, made you feel comfortable in your own skin. It was your first time ever, and you confided in her about not having much experience. She reassured you that she would teach you, show you the way, and make you feel good, and good Lord, if she kept that promise.

It was a warm and peaceful afternoon, the sun was shining brightly outside, casting a warm glow into the room. You and your girlfriend were both lounging on her comfortable bed, enjoying each other's company in silence. While she was intently watching an action movie, you were lost in the pages of a captivating book. Your attentive eyes scanned each line and paragraph, immersing yourself in the story and oblivious to your surroundings. Unbeknownst to you, Ellie was growing increasingly impatient, huffing and puffing in an attempt to get your attention. Her huffs were airy at first, but as time went on, they became more forceful and pronounced, hoping to grab your attention and draw you away from your book.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to her, you turned your head gently towards her, lowering your book ever so slightly "What's wrong, Els?" you asked, concerned. "Put it down, I wanna cuddle." she responded, snatching the book out of your hand and placing it on her nightstand. You couldn't help but smile at her neediness, finding it adorable. "Fine," you sighed playfully, "Needy," you added under your breath, rolling your eyes at her. But she caught your comment, "What? Did you say somethin'?" You couldn't help but chuckle at her reaction as she pulled you on top of her and wrapped her arms around you. "Oh, nothing," you innocently replied.

"Comfy? Anything hurts?" she asked in a gentle tone as she rubbed your back in a slow and soothing motion, and you instantly relaxed under her touch. You took a deep breath, the tension in your muscles slowly fading away. "I'm okay, — m'comfy" you reassured her, feeling grateful for her care and existence in general. You hugged her tightly, burying your head in her chest. You could feel the warmth radiating from her, and the steady beats of her heart were a comforting sound.

You both cuddled up in silence, movie still playing softly in the background. As she kept rubbing your back, you gently scratched her arm something that usually relaxed her. After a little while, you felt compelled to express your feelings and whispered, "I love you." Even though you couldn't see her face, you could hear the smile in her voice when she replied, "Love you more, babe." You remained comfortably nestled in her chest, head buried in her grey hoodie. When you finally lifted your head from her chest, you gazed into her beautiful green eyes, already looking at you with so much affection that made your heart skip a beat. "You mean the world to me." you confessed, her eyes softened even more, and her heart swelled with love for you. She was the perfect girlfriend, always so loving and respectful, and you couldn't ask for anyone better. Finally, she leaned in and kissed you slowly and tenderly, a soft kiss that soon turned into something passionate and full of desire. She rolled on top, pinning you down with her weight, her hands roaming all over your body. She squeezed your waist, your hands cupping her freckled face to keep her close. She sighed quietly into the kiss, her fingers tugging at your tank top, and you knew what that meant — she wanted it off. And to confirm your thoughts, it was Ellie herself. She pulled away, lips slightly swollen and pink. Despite her best efforts, it was pretty evident that she was struggling to control her breathing as she panted uncontrollably, both because of the intense making out and her arousal growing by the second. Her face was flushed; she looked at you to gauge your reaction to her silent request, to which you responded with a little nod. "I'm ready," you uttered timidly, feeling your cheeks getting warmer. "Are you sure? We don't nee-" you cut her words off, repeating yourself, "I'm ready," this time sounding a bit more firm and confident of your choice. She mimicked the slight nod you gave her a few seconds ago, loose strands of auburn hair falling out of her little bun framing her face, her eyes never leaving yours.

She leaned in once again, giving you a peck on your moist lips before kissing your jawline and down to your neck. "Can i touch you?" she asked between damp kisses she left on your neck, "I don't know, can you?" she chuckled and began to suck purple marks on your soft skin as she slipped her hand underneath your tank top, brushing against your bare stomach before reaching her target — your tits. She cupped one of your tits, feeling the fabric of your bra. Your breath hitched, your cheeks were flushed and you were grateful she was too focused on your neck to notice "Can I take it off?" she questioned between cute smooches sounds, "Yeah," you breathed out, looking back into her eyes.

When she did, you were left in nothing but your bra, the visible scar near your shoulder making you feel uncomfortable, same with the implanted pacemaker under your skin, it was visible and you hoped it didn't gross her out. You couldn't help but look away from her, suddenly feeling ashamed for something you had no control over; it was something so small yet so significant for you.

You felt her index and middle finger gently pressing under your jawline to turn your head towards her and make you look into her eyes once again. Her voice was soft, almost like a whisper, as she spoke to you in such a tender tone. "Hey," she started softly, sensing your insecurity. "You're beautiful, alright?" Hearing those words from her sent chills all over your body, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort wash over you. She continued, "We'll go slow. If something feels wrong, you let me know, okay?" Her words were reassuring, and you could feel her gentle touch on your face, holding it firmly so that you couldn't look away. You nodded in response to her words, suddenly feeling shy in front of your girlfriend.

After less than a few minutes, both of your clothes were off, thrown carelessly somewhere in the room. She still had her sport bra on and her underwear while you only had your underwear on. She trailed down, kissing all over your bare chest and breasts, and your scar, the one you were insecure about "smooch smooch..so pretty, smooch beautiful, my pretty girl" she kept murmuring under her breath causing goosebumps to rise all over your body, your nipples stood erect and hard, begging for some attention. She chuckled when she felt your sensible nub harden under her palm, "Didn't mean to make the ladies feel neglected" she joked, her voice was husky. She looked up at you with a cocky grin, and you felt your cheeks heat up even more; you chuckled awkwardly and rolled your eyes at her attempt to tease you about something you couldn't control. "Why are you always like this?" you rhetorically asked with a playful smirk, she shrugged and gave you a lopsided smile as she began to kiss your chest and attack your nipples with her mouth. "mmphh" you let out; a pathetic attempt to swallow a small moan when she sucked on one of your nipples and pinched the other. You bit down on your lip, and you could feel her smile at the small sound that came from you as she continued to work on your tits.

She trailed her hand down your abdomen, her fingers dancing around the waistband of your underwear teasingly. You couldn't deny the arousal building in your panties and at the pit of your stomach, you could feel the uncomfortable stickiness forming in your undies. So fucking wet. Leaving moist kisses all the way down to your belly button, then she stopped. She looked up at you, cheeks flushed just like yours and her eyes looking for a sign of your consent. She wanted to make sure you were completely comfortable with the way she was exploring your body, feeling it, and touching it. "I'm ready, Ellie. I promise" you repeated, your voice was soft and still timid.

"If you want me to stop, just tell me to, okay?" she told you once again and she didn't resume what she was doing until you gave her a light nod. She spread your legs, and her eyes were immediately drawn to the darker spot of your panties, you were so fucking wet. She hissed something under her breath that you couldn't quite catch. Seeing how wet she made you only served to boost her ego (as if she wasn't cocky already, the last thing this girl needed was a boost of her ego). "God, you're so wet," she couldn't help but voice her thoughts. "Thanks, Einstein, I haven't noticed," you responded with a hint of sarcasm, perhaps hoping to divert attention away from your embarrassment. She chuckled and an amused smile appeared on her dotted face, her brows jolting up. "Don't you give me the attitude" Before you could say anything back, her digits gently pressed on your still-clothed pussy, making your hips jerk away and a little moan escape your lips. Your face was on fire as you registered the lewd sound that accidentally left your lips. "That's what you get," A broad grin of pride spread across her face, and a fleeting pout that she found endearing appeared on your face "Oh, what? You mad at me, now?" she continued to taunt you, you let out a deep sigh and turned your gaze away.

"Shut up — god, why are you so annoying even in moments like this?" You covered your eyes with the sweaty palm of your hand as you spoke, feeling your cheeks flush with embarrassment. You could hear her giggle at your shyness, and it was evident that she enjoyed teasing you and playing with your emotions.

"C'mon pretty, m'just messin' with you." but she couldn't stop snickering to herself, finding your reactions quite funny. "Look at me," she commanded in a gentle tone, and you complied; you moved your hand away from your face and looked down at her, who was positioned between your spread thighs. "Want me to stop?" she questioned again, making you huff in response "Ellie. If you ask me that one more time, i swear—"

"Jesus, just making sure, no need to be so feisty about it" her fingers hooked under the waistband of your pink panties, tugging it down and freeing your dripping cunt. "Do I seriously make you this wet?" she was in disbelief, watching the string of precum that connected your pussy to your damp panties she had just pulled down.

"No, I was secretly thinking of Megan Fox, imagining her on top doing naughty things to me," you sarcastically retorted. She gasped dramatically, acting offended. Such a drama queen she was. "I consider that cheating." She played along, keeping that fake offended demeanor on. You laughed softly at her silly expression. "Okay, then, you caught me. Mentally cheating on you right now," you joked.

"I see how it is" You laughed again, and she scoffed, but she wasn't actually pissed at you.

She began kissing your inner thigh, the ache between your thighs becoming almost unbearable. "Els..." you had this whiny hint in your voice, growing visibly impatient, "Hm?" she hummed back, switching to your other thigh, going near your pussy but never actually touching you where you wanted her to. You moved your hips close to her face, but she moved away. "What do you want?" she asked teasingly, playing dumb. Fuck, you hated her guts for doing that. "You know what i want" she clicked her tongue under the roof of her mouth "Don't think I do" you sighed, frustration slowly creeping up inside you "Please?" your voice was delicate, almost as if you were begging her to let you try her fries or asking her to buy you something. She smirked, seeing you all horny and desperate yet still struggling with your words, too shy to tell her what you wanted directly. "Please what?" she encouraged you, that obnoxious cocky grin never leaving her face; she was making fun of you at this point. But you stayed quiet. "Can't read your mind princess, you gotta use your words."

"Touch me?...please?" your voice above a whisper but she heard you, you could tell she did from the satisfied expression casting over her features. "Sorry? Louder. Couldn't hear you" that cunt. You knew she did hear you and that she just wanted to hear it again so, you tried your best to push your shyness aside and please her. "Touch me, Ell-" But she was growing way too impatient, pressing her thumb on your clit, you let out a strangled moan and your hips jerked away at the sudden contact, but she pulled you closer again. Between the two of you, the more impatient one was probably her. Poor baby couldn't even let you say it twice, she was already torturing your aching nub, drawing small circles on it.

"Feeling good?" she questioned, her eyes studying your every reaction to her touch. She knew you felt good but still needed to hear it from you. "Yeah," you breathed out, your breathing becoming more elaborated. "Remember to breathe from your nose, baby. Don't want your heart to go crazy over a little excitement — if it gets too much, tell me." she thoughtfully said. "I'll be fine" you reassured her, grabbing her other hand to squeeze it.

In no time, her lips were on your clit, gently sucking on it. She moaned on it, almost as she she was the one getting head. She could feel her pussy starting to ache, the fabric of her undies sticking to her pussy, but she couldn't help it. The way you sounded, your cute expressions and your pretty pussy were just too much to bare for her. "So fucking beautiful," she mumbled, pulling away from your pussy for a second. She slid a finger inside you and you arched your back, pushing your hips to her face to seek for more contact "This okay, yeah?" her voice was rasp. You whined in response "Ooooh look at her, think she loves me" it took quite a few to understand that she was talking to your pussy instead "God, w-why are you so…" you tried to hide the turmoil in your voice but you interrupted your own words with a slutty moan that left your throat as soon as she pushed her finger deeper into you.

"Fuuuck" you grunted, your eyes rolling to the back of your skull and the grip on her hand tightening. "So responsive," she chuckled. "Ellie, shut..up," you whined, moving your hips slowly to meet her thrusts. "Can't even talk without moaning, so nasty." she snickered, acting like she was totally unaffected by your pretty moans. She was fucking soaked, humping into absolutely nothing, not that you could notice it, too focused on the way she was making you feel. The gushing sounds riverbed throughout Ellie's bedroom, and she absolutely fucking loved it. She loved seeing you like this, whimpering and writhing under her touch, so ethereal, your body was pure art to her.

"M-more" you stuttered, panting a bit, your chest raising and falling quickly "More, huh?" she echoed mockingly, sliding another finger into your little honey jar, wetness dripping down to her knuckles from how wet you were. "Gahh-uhhd" you let out incoherent words, she groaned, feeling your walls clenching around her fingers and feeling her own clenching around absolutely nothing. "Like this, yes?" she questioned in a breathy voice, her brain suddenly struggling to make out sentences that made sense, too mushy to say shit and all because of you. If you only knew how long she waited to see you like this — touch you like this. "Uh-aahh" you trapped little whimpers inside your mouth, biting hard on your bottom lip again. "Nah-uh let me hear you," she immediately scolded you, shaking her head in disapproval, but you didn't listen.

Her face lowered to your pussy, lips attaching to your throbbing clit, teasing it with the tip of her tongue, switching between circling it and sucking it gently. Your mouth hung open, arching your back and bucking your hips against her face as you let out obscene moans. She moaned against your core, a mixture of her own spit and your juices covering her chin. "Taste hmmsoo good" Your other hand reached down to move pieces of her hair out of her face. "Ellie, I-i think I'm gonna-" you trailed off, not that she needed you to tell her, she could feel you squeezing her digits as she kept hitting that soft spot inside you. "Gonna cum, baby? wanna cum for me, beautiful?" she cooed.

"God..I love you so fucking much," she hissed under her breath; you moaned loudly in return, riding her fingers "Babe, m'gonna cum" you squealed, high-pitched moans reverbing throughout her apartment. "i'm here, princess" she cooed, squeezing your hand that she had been holding this entire time, so clingy. She wanted to ensure you knew she was there for you, not only to please you. That little feeling that had been building up in your stomach snapped like a rubber band, milking her fingers as she let you ride your orgasm. Curses falling from both of your lips, your muscles spasming and squeezing her fingers — god if she loved the way your body was reacting to her.

"I know, i know, I'm here baby" she whispered sweetly when a few whiny whimpers left your mouth. When you came down from your high, she withdrew her fingers and sucked them clean, her eyes locked with yours as she did so "You're so nasty" you giggled, feeling yourself blush again "You're the one who came all over my fingers" she teased you, crawling up to kiss your lips. Your tongues tangled together and you could taste yourself on her tongue. You place your hands on her waist, pulling her body closer to yours.

"You must be tired, angel." She reluctantly pulled away, an inch away from your lips as she spoke. "Want me to leave you all wet and needy?" you inquired in disbelief, lifting your brows up at her reluctance. Her eyes silently begging you to touch her, but she still preferred to put your health over her needs. That's how caring and loving she was. "I'm just saying you don't need to push yourself if you feel tired," she repeated.

"Oh, Ellie…" you sighed, pulling her underwear down and taking her by surprise. She seemed to be internally struggling to find the right thing to say, but you preceded her, "Think I can't handle a little fun?" you purred, growing bolder in your actions. You cupped her cunt, feeling all her sweet juices cover your hand; she was so fucking soaked, it was almost unbelievable. "Only if you're sure," she answered, her breath hitching in her throat as she gulped thickly, already trying hard to suppress her cute little moans. "I'm sure you want this," you teased her, the corner of your lips curling up in a smile, almost as if to make fun of her; it was your turn now.

"I do, you know I do," she replied. It was so entertaining to watch her keep her breathing steady. You ran your index and middle finger through her glistening folds and began to tease her puffy clit, rubbing it slowly, almost painfully. "Fuck" she grunted, humping the palm of your hand, desperate to find relief; you hummed back. "Am I doing okay?" you asked innocently; despite your inexperience, you could tell she loved it, and you high-fived yourself for the little mental notes you took while she was touching you just a moment ago. She grabbed your wrist, guiding your fingers to her entrance. "Finger me," she commanded with a raspy voice.

She let out a small gasp when you thrusted into her slowly. "Like this?" you could feel her walls clenching around your inexperienced fingers, "Uh-huh," she bobbed her head, positioning your hand just how she wanted it, guiding you as she rode your fingers. "Fuck, you're so messy — so wet for me," you muttered under your breath, pulling her closer to you; she was supporting her weight on her wobbly knees as she rode your fingers, burying her head into the crook of your neck. Your other hand rested on her hips, holding her in place and not allowing her to move as you kept slamming your fingers into her. The pleasure sounds she let out right into your ear only served to make you wetter and hornier than you already were — if that was even possible. It was almost like your inexperience melted away, with the sole intent of pleasing her. Immaculate sounds left her throat as she chased her orgasm on your fingers, and you couldn't help but groan pitifully after her. Your pussy already yearning for her again, struggling to hold onto the last shreds of sanity. "Just like that." Her voice was weak and breathy, it was fucking music to your ears, making you feel all types of things inside your tummy, butterflies perhaps? She couldn't even speak properly, struggling to suppress her slutty whimpers. Muttering filthy curses under her breath as you picked up the pace, hitting that spongy spot over and over; you could feel her whole body tremble and squirm in your hands. What made it better was knowing that you were causing it.

"You feel so good, El," you whispered in her ear, kissing all the cute little freckles spattered on her bare shoulder and collarbone "'m gonna cum" she gasped, her whimpers becoming more frequent and louder. Who knew she'd become a whiny mess when close to her orgasm, but for some reason, you found it adorable — like her life depended entirely on your fingers, cute wispy brows furrowed together in concentration. "Gonna cum on my fingers, pretty?" you purred. "Please…" she sounded so fucking needy it was almost ridiculous, but you slowed down instead, earning a groan from her part "Nonono, don't stop, pleaseplease," Her words were rushed, sounding like a kid who had just lost the most precious possession. "What is it that you said? Words, right? — you gonna be a good girl and ask or you just gonna cum like that?" for some reason, the idea of playing with her in such a vulnerable state turned you on. You wanted to see how far you could push her. She let out a shaky breath. "Can't believe you're doing this." She slowly shook her head in disbelief. Your digits pressed on the spot that almost made her squirt, and she squirmed. "Words." You spoke with a firmer tone, but you still had a playful, teasing smirk on your lips. "Swear to fucking god— next time, I won't go so easy on you," uttering a threatening remark followed by an imperceptible scoff. "I never asked you to go easy on me." Your pace slowed down even more, and she frowned at you.

"Can I cum? on your fingers? please." her chest heaving with each ragged breath. Her eyes were wide and glossy, her pupils dilated with desperation. "Such a goood girl El, such a good girl…cum for me" but all she could do was crash her lips against yours, leaving you no choice but swallow all her little noises. Her thighs trembled with each thrust, her legs parting slightly to allow better access as your fingers kept thrusting in and out of her wetness harder and faster, causing her to moan into your mouth.

When she came down from her high she collapsed against you, your bodies glistening with sweat, still breathing unevenly. The first thing she said when her breathing went back to normal was "I think I'm gonna marry you," before dissolving into a fit of giggles. You couldn't help but chuckle along with her. "I'm flattered. I guess you liked it then?" you responded, wrapping your arms around her. She snuggled into your chest, a contented smile on her face. "If I liked it?" she repeated, incredulous. You laughed softly, "Well, did you?"

"You were lying when you said it was your first time, weren't you?" she asked teasingly, furrowing her eyebrows at you and looking at you with a mix of curiosity and suspicion. "I take that as a compliment," you smirked, not giving her a straight answer, her eyes carefully studied your features, analyzing every crease and contour, searching for any sign of deception "No, seriously. Were you a virgin?" she asked again, still in disbelief "I guess you'll never know," you said, teasing her further. "Come on. I'm your girlfriend. I'm supposed to know," she said, acting dramatic and waving her hands in the air. "Are you?" you asked teasingly, and she gasped in mock offense. "Excuse you? Am I not your girlfriend?" she asked, pretending to be hurt. You couldn't help but giggle. "I meant...are you supposed to know?" you teased her curiosity. "Pffttt whatever," she said, pretending to be offended and scooting away from you. You continued laughing at her antics. "Babe, where are you going?" you asked, still chuckling as you reached for her tattooed forearm and pulled her back towards you. "Girlfriends tell each other everything," she pouted playfully. "Right. Let's watch Jurassic Park and cuddle," you suggested, grabbing the remote to put the movie on.

You shared a bond that was unbreakable, and every experience you had together only brought you closer as if there was an invisible red string that seemed to connect the two of you, always pulling you closer and closer with each passing day. Your love for each other was like a never-ending flame that grew brighter with time. She never really stopped surprising you with little thoughtful gifts, and she even drew sketches of you when you weren't looking, and you both looked forward to creating new adventures together. She was always this huge simp for you, your number one supporter and fan.

After completing university, she asked you to move into her small but cozy apartment, which was basically a reflection of her personality. The walls were adorned with paintings she had made, stacks of comic books on her shelves, action figures, and her favorite movies and games collection. It was a delightful mishmash of all the things she loved. And slowly, your belongings started to mix in with hers. Her lonely toothbrush now had a companion, and her sneakers left by the door had an extra pair of shoes right next to them — your shoes. The dirty laundry was now a mix of colorful pink clothes and pastel colors, while hers were mostly grey or dark clothes. The wall hooks had more jackets hanging on them, and cute little stuffed animals were carefully placed on her your bed. The shelves filled with cute little plants that you both lovingly cared for, filling the empty gaps between an action figure and another. Living with her was a dream come true; you couldn't have been happier. You both had created a space that was uniquely yours, filled with love and a familiar warmth, it felt like family.

And before you knew it a new member joined your little family — a golden retriever. You had always dreamt of having a dog, but your parents never allowed you to have one when you were a kid. You had been talking about how much you loved the idea of having a furball running around your little apartment, ever since, Ellie had been secretly planning to surprise you with a cute little puppy. She had subtly asked you what kind of dog you would like, and she started doing her research. She had never owned a dog before, so she wanted to learn as much as possible about what puppies needed. Puppies required more than just toys and cuddles, after all they needed proper nutrition, and she was confused about what kind of food to get for the puppy. She went to the grocery store and found a wide variety of puppy food with different flavors and vitamins. After careful consideration, she picked out what she thought was the best one for the puppy. One day, she told you that she was staying out late for work; in reality, the poor baby had to drive for an hour to get the exact puppy she had seen on social media (Facebook, to be exact, Joel had helped her with that). The puppy was a beautiful golden retriever with a shiny coat and an adorable face. The drive back home with the puppy was mostly quiet, except for her talking to the honey-furred baby that sat there in the passenger seat in silence, looking at her lovingly.

The puppy's big, brown eyes had already stolen her heart, and she found herself speaking in a silly, high-pitched voice "I just know she's gonna love you," she cooed, her words directed at the adorable pup. "You're such a good girl, aren't ya?" she continued, praising the puppy for every little thing she did, even breathing. "You better not be stealing her from me too much, though, or else…" she trailed off, her voice filled with mock threats. But her playful words quickly turned to more affectionate ones as she gazed into the puppy's sweet eyes. "Gosh, you're so fuckin' cute," she whispered, her fingers gently caressing the puppy's soft fur while the other remained on the steering wheel "Wonder what your name will be," she hummed, tapping her fingers lightly on the wheel. She began to sing a song she had just made up on the spot, directed at the little furball who was wiggling her tail in excitement. "My cute little shrimp," she sang, her voice filled with love and affection, but when the puppy let out a little whine at her singing, she couldn't help but laugh at herself. "What? Am I that much of a bad singer?" she joked, her voice filled with self-deprecating humor. "Oof, tough crowd," she added, chuckling at her own joke "Just wait till I show you my guitar skills, you little shit."

When she finally made it to your apartment, she had to carry the little shrimp all the way up to the stairs cause the puppy was too scared to climb them and the elevator was currently broken. She had to take small steps to make sure she wouldn't trip over her own feet or something like that. "So heavy," she muttered under her breath before putting the pup down, her arms aching. She unlocked the door and you immediately called out your name. "You home, baby?" she heard from the kitchen, where she assumed you were washing the dishes because she could hear the sound of clinking plates. She responded, "Could you come here real quick? need your help with something." She left the dog outside on the doorstep, behind the wall and out of your sight.

You shouted from the kitchen, "Give me a second," before approaching her. She handed you a plastic bag filled with dog toys and bowls. You looked at her in confusion since you didn't own a pet. "What's this for?" you asked, puzzled. She didn't reply but simply moved to the side and clicked her tongue multiple times. The fur ball appeared and ran to you wiggling her tail. You slapped your hand on your mouth in disbelief, and your eyes widened in surprise, soon welling up with tears.

You got on your knees and held the pup close to you, hugging the fur ball tightly. "Oh my fucking god, iloveyouiloveyou," you kept rambling between cute sniffles, and she couldn't help but laugh at your reaction. "Surprise, babe," she said with a small smile, kneeling down to pet the puppy in your arms. The puppy was small and soft, with big brown eyes and tiny paws. You couldn't believe how adorable she was.

"I love you so fucking much. She is so fucking cute. I can't believe it. I'm a mother now," you said, tears of joy running down your cheeks. She chuckled at your words, happy to see you so happy. "Yep, we're parents now," she played along, scratching the dog behind her ear. "What're we naming her?" she asked then, wiping the tears off your face with her thumb.

"Maple?" you sniffled hard, "Maple, I like Maple." You looked down at the little pup in your arms, and she looked up at you with innocent eyes.

Ever since the beginning, it was clear that Maple was more than just a pet; she was a member of your family. She was such a beautiful and intelligent dog, whenever you or Ellie came home, Maple would be the first to greet you with a wagging tail and excited barks that would fill the room with her infectious energy. She would jump up, her paws dancing in the air, and nuzzle her wet nose against your hand begging for cuddles and kisses. But Maple's abilities went beyond just being a dog. She had an incredible intuition that seemed almost human-like, and had a sixth sense when it came to reading emotions. She always seemed to sense whenever your heart was going a little too crazy and would nudge you with her nose to make you sit down. But your heartbeat wasn't the only thing she could sense; whenever Ellie was about to have a panic attack she could feel it, and if she was having one and you weren't by her side, she would come get you.

You remembered the first time this happened. It was a dark and stormy night, and you and Ellie had just gone to bed. You were sound asleep when Maple jumped up on the bed and began licking your face frantically. You thought she needed to go outside, so you groaned, "Babe, think Maple needs to-" You started, your voice still thick with sleep, but when your hand landed on the empty mattress instead of your girlfriend's shoulder, you instantly woke up.

Following Maple to the bathroom, you found Ellie sitting on the floor, tears streaming down her freckled face, and her breathing uneven. You knelt down in front of her and spoke to her softly, using a soothing tone to calm her down. You knew better than just to touch her; she seemed too absent and lost in her own nightmare to welcome such an invasion. "El, hey…I'm here, honey." As your gentle cooing reached her ears, she seemed to awaken from a trance, her terrified eyes locked with yours, fear etched across her beautiful features. "Hi baby, it's okay." you tried to calm her down, "i'm here, okay?" she was trembling with fear, and your heart sank. You gently placed your hand on her knee and tried to reassure her that everything was going to be okay. With a soft and soothing voice, you said, "You're safe now...let's take a deep breath together, alright?" You could see the tears streaming down her face as she tried her best to mimic your deep breaths. You kept encouraging her to take deep breaths in and out, and she slowly began to calm down. Maple sat in the corner of the bathroom, watching over Ellie with a concerned expression. When Ellie finally calmed down, you sat down next to her and pulled her into a tight embrace. "I'm here for you," you felt her body relax and her breathing steady. She leaned into your touch, and you could feel the tension in her body slowly dissipating. You were her anchor, her everything. You could feel her heartbeat slowing down as she rested her head on your chest, listening to the rhythm of your breathing. You kissed the top of her head tenderly, and she closed her eyes, taking in your scent. Suddenly, she rasped out, "I love you," her voice sounded weak, you knew she was exhausted "I love you more — Feeling better?" You ran your fingers through her messy hair, and she gave you a small nod in response. The golden furball walked to Ellie's other side and laid down, placing her head on her thigh. Ellie smiled weakly and petted her gently "My two favorite girls," you joked with a soft tone, trying to lighten the mood. An airy scoff left her nose as all three of you sat there, cuddling each other.

Maple was an essential part of your family. She was always there, no matter where you went. Sundays were extra special because Ellie would be at home all day. You would spend those days soaking up all her attention and going to the beach with her and Maple, your cute little meatball. There was nothing better than lounging under the warm afternoon sun, and Ellie bringing a big umbrella to shield you from the heat. While you played with Maple, she would often strum her guitar or sketch the two of you, looking at you with heart eyes as she captured the moment on paper. The sound of your laughter would fill the air, as you threw the frisbee to Maple and enjoyed the perfect beach day with Ellie by your side. You were all she ever wanted and she was all you ever wished for.

That's why she felt the need to take your relationship to the next level.

"Baaaabe" you shouted from the living room while browsing through the countless titles on Netflix. "Yeah?" Your girlfriend responded from the kitchen, her voice echoing through the cozy apartment as she paced around, probably making you something to drink. "What do you wanna watch?" your eyes casted across the big TV screen, the multiple titles illuminate your face, making it difficult to choose just one. You heard a sigh from the other side of the couch and looked over to see your beloved dog, Maple, ready to nap after a long day of work. poor dog.

"Uhhh…dunno, a horror movie?" she suggested, sounding unsure. "Wow, thanks for the help, Ellie. Always so useful," You retorted in a fake annoyed tone "Do you remember that new movie with Jennifer Lawrence I told you I wanted to watch?" she asked after a few moments of pondering, emerging from the kitchen with two steaming mugs in her hands. You raised an eyebrow at her and asked, "So, you wanna watch it for her, huh?" She laughed at your words and rolled her eyes. "C'mon, you told me to pick something, and I did," she explained handing you one of the mugs. "Careful, it's hot." You'd never seen this mug before, Ellie was obsessed with collecting new ones, so you didn't really pay attention to it. "Okay, fine, Jennifer Lawrence, it is," you said as you selected the movie she suggested. "Hi, baby," you heard her say in a high-pitched voice, and when you looked at her, you realized she was talking to the dog. "Hi baby? really? I'm literally right here." She giggled at your response and scooted closer to you, kissing your cheek. "Hi baby," she repeated her words, but this time in a sultry tone "Better."

You took another sip of your drink, but you could feel her gaze lingering on you. When you turned to look at her, she quickly averted her eyes and pretended to be interested in the TV. "What?" you asked, brows furrowing in confusion. "What?" she echoed back, acting like she hadn't been staring at you for the last 15 minutes. "No, you what" you repeated, her eyes darting from the mug in your hands to you. "You done with that yet?" she questioned, seeming almost too impatient. "Huh?" she cleared her throat, eyes wandering nervously around the living room for a few seconds before returning them to you again. "Are you done with your latte? Want me to make you more?" she rephrased it, trying to sound less nervous. You looked down at your mug for a second "Not yet"

Her eyes remained glued on you, eagerly awaiting for something, a reaction perhaps, you couldn't tell, she was just acting weird as hell. "Done?" she asked for the third time in a row, after every five seconds, but to her, it felt like an eternity. "Ellie, I swear—" You let out an exasperated sigh "What?" she replied, her voice laced with innocence. "No, seriously. You tryna poison me or something?" you joked,and she simply scoffed at your words and rolled her eyes at you. "Just drink it fast, god," she demanded, her impatience showing. As you take the last sip, your eyes caught a glimpse of a few letters printed on the bottom of the mug.

Your heart skipped a beat as you read the words

Will you marry me?

You felt tears welling up in your eyes, and before you could even process what was happening, you jumped into her lap, crying in her arms. She wrapped her arms around you tightly, and you could feel her heart beating in sync with yours. "Yesyesyesyes" you had whispered between sobs, your voice choked with emotion. Her eyes lit up with joy and she pulled away, revealing a small diamond ring in her hand. You looked at her in awe, realizing that that was the moment you had been waiting for your entire life. The woman of your dreams had asked you to spend the rest of your life with her, and you couldn't have been happier.

"I love you so much," you sobbed, tears streaming down your face as you watched her hands sliding the ring on your finger. She chuckled through her own tears and replied, "I think I love you even more." You sniffled and cupped her face, saying, "I love you with all my heart."

Ellie being Ellie, couldn't help but make a joke about that. She looked at you with a playful smirk on her face; she wiggled her eyebrows up and down and said, "All your heart, huh?"

With a grin, you replied, "It's beating like crazy for you." Then she asked if you wanted to hear a joke from her pun book, but you knew it was a rhetorical question. You prepared yourself for the inevitable dumb joke she was about to tell. "Ellie, I thought we talked about this." You fake scolded her, but she couldn't hold back her smile as she started her joke, almost as if she was about to make the funniest joke ever but everyone who knew Ellie knew that her jokes were...questionable. "Are you pulmonary embolism?" she proceeded, barely containing her laughter.

"Oh no," you frowned, rubbing your forehead. She then delivered the punchline with a wide smile, all proud of herself "Because you take my breath away." You looked at her with a deadpan expression and let out a sigh. You shook your head, and said "Can't believe I'm marrying you," trying to hide the smile that was starting to form on your lips. Ellie looked at you with a cocky grin "Right? I'm great like that — Talented, charming, great jokes...what else could you possibly want?" Rolling your eyes, you responded, "fancy package, lucky me"

After your laughter had subsided, you gazed into her captivating green eyes with a smile filled with affection. You were so deeply in love that it felt almost painful. You could hardly believe how fortunate you were to have found each other. The thought of spending the rest of your lives together filled you with joy and excitement. Both of you leaned in simultaneously, eager to feel the warmth of each other's lips in a tender and passionate kiss.

She was the person who made your life complete. You felt like you had been waiting for her all your life; your life always felt so dull and empty and you never understood why or what it was missing, until you met her. She was your soulmate, your best friend, and the love of your life. You couldn't imagine spending a single day without her by your side. She was the one who made everything better, who made you laugh with her stupid and corny puns when you wanted to cry, who held your hand when you needed comfort. You knew that you could face anything as long as she was with you. You were grateful for every moment you spent together and looked forward to spending the rest of your life with her.

On your wedding day, the weather was perfect, with clear skies and a gentle breeze that carried the scent of flowers from the nearby garden. It felt like a dream come true, and you couldn't believe the day had finally arrived. You couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement and anticipation as you prepared to marry the love of your life. Sure, you were exhausted at the end of the day, but it was all worth it.

As you walked down the aisle, you saw everyone you loved and cared for, all gathered in one place to celebrate your special day. Ellie's closest friends, Dina and Jesse, Joel, your parents, and all your friends were there, beaming with joy and happiness. You were wearing a beautiful white dress that hugged your curves in all the right places, and Ellie couldn't help but cry when she saw you. Her dad rubbed her back, trying to calm the poor baby down, but the tears kept streaming down her face. You were a vision, and she couldn't believe how lucky she was to have you. Ellie was equally breathtaking in her suit, looking sharp and elegant, you couldn't take your eyes off her, she was so fucking fine. You exchanged vows, and it took her a while to finish reading hers, as she was choked up with sobs and emotions. You tried to comfort her by holding her trembling hands, but she was just a wreck.

When the time came for you to kiss your bride, the celebrant said, "You may now kiss your bride." Ellie looked at you with teary eyes, and you both giggled as you leaned in for a kiss, both of you smiling against each other's lips. That moment marked the beginning of your journey together as a married couple, but what mattered most was that you were both committed to being there for each other no matter what.

#ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie x y/n #ellie x you #lesbianism #naughty dog #ellie williams x you #the last of us 2 #tlou 2 #tlou #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x female reader #ellie smut #ellie williams smut #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams tlou #tlou x you #tlou x reader #tlou x y/n #ellie tlou x reader #tlou ellie #tlou part 2 #wlw #sapphic #lesbian #tlou ellie williams

[ravenwoodalum]

on karamelle, why it sucks, and redeeming azteca's reputation.

I just got to Karamelle for the second time, and good lord. I hadn't forgotten how much I hated it, but it hit me like a wall of bricks. And I'm already preparing myself to marathon it and be fucking done questing here for at least a year.

I think it breaks down like this.

Baby's first workers rights movement/sugary-sweet surveillance state Listen. I know this is a game that doesn't allow for player characters to have much individual impact on the in-game narrative. I know we've had to do errands for cops. I know we work for a war criminal. I KNOW there are flaws in the system. But there's something about the way that Karamelle's set up that makes it all feel so. much. worse. And that's the fact that Karamelle has such a stellar reputation within the Spiral before this. The happiest place in the Spiral, the sweetest treats in the Spiral. Everyone seems to fucking love this place. Almost no one outside of those actually working there seem to understand how corrupt it is. And so the YW is talked down to at every turn, like this is their first exposure to a corrupt environment. And sure, maybe it is within, canon. YW gets isekai'd at a very young age and then made into a child soldier, maybe this is actually the first time in canon that they've been introduced to these concepts. But (and this may just be me) it feels really rude to the player -- who might actually have experience with these ideas -- to make them feel like a fucking idiot with the dialogue options. Karamelle's characters just feel rude.

Oh, so the Gobblers were a fatphobic, Roald Dahl type thing from the start. Cool cool cool. Any of you ever read Roald Dahl's book "The Twits"? It's a very unremarkable story all things considered, except for this bit.

Aside from Roald Dahl's unavoidable history of antisemitism, does this remind you of anything? Honestly, this reminds me of the Gobbblers.

We first meet the Gobblers around level 10 in Wizard City -- creatures driven by consumption. And then we get to Empyrea and hear that the Alphoi -- skinny "civilized" creatures -- can become Gobblers if they eat too much or are unhealthy in their eating habits. Which makes one of our oldest running enemies a loop-around fatphobic thing, ESPECIALLY when we get to them in Karamelle, the home world of the Gobblers. Rosina, especially, just oozes fatphobia and diet culture. The literal vilification of being fat isn't even subtext, it's just text.

The Old One, The Cabal, and what to do when your escape from the world ends up shoving what you were escaping from right back in your face. When I was in sophomore year of college, fall of 2019, I had one of the worst mental health periods of my life. Antisemitism was fucking everywhere, I was always a moment away from a panic attack, and it felt like no one understood. While I'm lucky in the fact that I was able to get an official diagnosis for genetically inherited PTSD, alongside the reassurance that I wasn't fucking crazy, there was a period when I just needed to go home for a moment. So when I was going back to my dorm from the dining hall to make sure all my stuff was ready to go, I opened up tumblr and made a post on a long-gone RP sideblog I had for the Swedish Chef (y'know, from The Muppets? long story), and before I'd even gotten halfway across campus, I'd received threatening and violent messages from someone RPing as Borat, which only got worse when they realized they were talking to an actual Jewish person.

That escape from reality didn't even last five fucking minutes before the horrors I was trying to avoid found me.

Now, Wizard101 has always been a source of comfort for me. I made my account fourteen years ago, and I do not know what my life would look like if I hadn't done that. There are flaws with this game, yes, sure, but over the past five years (since I got a wiz compatible laptop) I've developed a bit of a reliance on it to get me through the horrors. No better form of escapism.

But no art form is free of the horrors.

And Wizard101 has the fucking Cabal and Old One.

The Cabal within the fiction of Wizard101 is a secret, nefarious organization pulling the strings on events across the Spiral, controlling history from the shadows. This term literally originates in antisemitic conspiracy theory, with the term 'cabal' originating from the term for Jewish mysticism, 'kabbalah'. And I promise you, you've heard plenty of applications of this conspiracy theory in real life too. It feeds into the idea that Jews (or 'global elite') control the government, the media, the banks.

And then, we get to the man in control of it all. The Old One. Whether or not this was intended, he's a walking, talking antisemitic caricature. The octopus as a symbol for the mythical Elders of Zion is a longstanding dogwhistle (see attached for a guide to this and many other visual dogwhistles). "Oh, he's based on H.P. Lovecraft-" So he's based on the works of a famous racist and antisemite, cool cool cool.

It's just exhausting, walking through a world that is so clearly modeled after Germany and other parts of eastern Europe, and finding antisemitism around every corner. And even more exhausting considering it's almost impossible to tell if they meant to do it. Antisemitism is so fucking ingrained in the world at this point that I don't actually know what they meant to do here, what they did maliciously or out of ignorance, or if any of it was put in with the purpose of turning it on its head. Over the past few years, it has become glaringly obvious that a lot of people don't realize when they're running across antisemitism, or even taking part in it. Including people I really thought would know better.

Side note. For those of you who know I see Dasein as Jewish, you may be wondering how I balance that out with the antisemitic nature of The Old One, since they share a physical form. I think of it like this. Dasein did not choose The Old One. He did not choose to resemble that, but he can attempt to reclaim it. Dasein's Judaism comes not from the resemblance he holds to the hatred that haunts us, but from the love that keeps us going. He questions authority and longstanding tradition, chooses to do what's right instead of what's expected, and is kind in the face of hatred. He literally makes himself, and a world, out of nothingness. Something out of Nothing. He's so Jewish you guys.

The Spiral's "Worst World Award" goes to... I know we all say "fuck Azteca" pretty often on this website, but I don't think it deserves to be deigned the worst world in Wiz. My main gripe with Azteca is how inaccessible it gets after Xibalba strikes -- the flashing lights aren't exactly photosensitive friendly. Which further lends frustration to my completionist nature, meaning I have to finish all quests, badges, and fishing before I finish the world (making it take forever to finish). Aside from that, there really isn't that much wrong with the world (and if you argue that it sucks because you can't save Azteca, I get it, but some tragedies are inescapable by their very nature). It's a problem of gameplay, versus a problem of plot in the case of Karamelle. And maybe its just because I'm a writer, but problems with plot feel much more egregious. I really do think Karamelle deserves more vitriol than it gets.

G-d, I can't wait to get to Lemuria.

#behold. the long awaited kvetch. #wizblr #w101 #wizzy101 #wiz101 #wizard101 #y'all better check out the resources i've linked :gun: #there really is something to be said about fantasy worlds where Judaism does not textually exist but antisemitism DOES. #like hmm. where did that come from. anyways.

[behoright]

boyfriend! jack studnicka in bed

warnings: welp. smutty blurb. includes bdsm and kink. minors stay away.

a/n: @ancient-remnants-of-love , for you, lovely.

dsvnjkfdnvdkjvn soooooo

Jack

lovely jack

as we all know

very quiet

very private

good polite man

you guys met and just

simply fell in love

not much more than that

when I say this man

raises the standards for all men

....

Jack is straight out of a rom-com

he's just not afraid to love

it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks

he wants the whole ordeal

constant flower deliveries when he's on the road

and special in-person deliveries when he comes back

chocolates at the beginning

until he found out you like candy better

he'll def surprise you with random gifts

but that doesn't really matter

he's always always present

hands always on you

and he looooves to kiss

if you grab his cheeks and plant kisses all over

he DIES

it literally makes his heart flutter and

he cannot help but smile

so um sex

was always just as sweet

he's def been blessed um

not only genetically (obv)

but um

technically

you never left the bed unsatisfied

not once

that being said

the more the months started to go by

you can tell that

it's not like he was holding back

but it's almost like there was

something

festering

something in his head

just starting to ignite

you tried to blame it on stress or work

maybe he's tired or something

but it didn't go away

you asked him a couple of times

and of course

in the most Jack fashion

he was soooo reassuring

still tho there was something there

so one day you had to be like

"baby, we need to talk."

his heart DROPS

"nothing bad, my love, nothing bad. I just have a question."

"doll, you can't scare me like that."

and you ask him seriously

"am I doing something wrong?"

and his puppy eyes are sparkling into yours

"baby, I told you, nothing wrong, you are so perf-"

"Jack, babe, you're always thinking about something else when we fuck."

and he doesn't say anything

"am I wrong? you can tell me, it's just, the vibe I get."

.....

"no," he sighs "you're not wrong."

"is, is it someone else?"

"no. no, absolutely not."

and you can tell he's serious. like his voice changes

"then what is it? you can tell me anything, Jack."

"I don't know, I don't want to scare you."

and you won't show it but you're like

????????

scare ?????

"no judgement, babe."

biting the inside of his cheek

like he always does when he's nervous

he looks up at you

and he looks so sweet and so tender

"I was just, uh, um..."

......

"thinking about rope."

you can't help it your face just drops

sorry??????

sweet lover boy prince Jack?????

"like, like you know my headboard has bars, like...

...maybe tying you on those."

and the rest is fucking HISTORY

over the course of your relationship

you guys have found to really

REALLY

enjoy BDSM

it's a big part of your bond

Jack really loves the bondage

that's his total favorite

any type of rope

western, Japanese, decorative

he'll do it all

he'll buy you lingerie and then surprise you

with matching rope

he just LOVES

the loops the knots

he gets very focused on all the details

and loves to see his masterpiece when its done

I'm talking about complicated shibari here

it tells him that you trust him enough to let him have control

your hands are literally tied

and he just wants to make you

twitch and moan until the end

he doesn't mind impact play

he'll do it if you ask

but it's not his first thought

he just wants to see you writhe in pleasure

this man has every single toy

vibrator

known to man

he’ll try every toy 

every type of 

technology 

to make you cum

of course he loves overstim

its just the view of you

your skin all flushed and sweaty

he can feel the heat coming off your body 

that’s another thing

temperature

sensation play

he fucking adores it

wax, ice cubes

lights on or off

blindfolds, feathers

blowing on your sweaty, hot skin

he just really likes you so 

vulnerable 

purposely for him

seeing you let go of the reigns

or your body in 

different rope patterns

twisted in every and all ways

screaming moaning crying 

he’s still so sweet 

and just so curious

seeing you cum makes him so fucking hard he starts leaking

always has to cum inside you

it’s almost territorial 

and he likes it a lot when you guys wake up

and he sees you sleeping with his cum leaking out of you

there are times however that he is not as sweet

…..when you ask

he changes so much

no smiley boy. suddenly it’s a huge man 

ready to punish you

towering over you

he just wants you to feel pleasure so 

when you act all bratty it drives him insane

he fucking gets so frustrated 

and it’s been fun to channel that into 

you

his fingers are so long it stings a little extra when he spanks

even tho paddles are his favorite

and if you’re extra talkative

those fingertips will go directly into your mouth 

your eyes look so pretty when they water with his fingertips rubbing on your tongue

he’s just so easy to tease

to send risky pictures and texts when he’s out on team stuff

not nudes 

but risky pictures

your silhouette behind all the shower steam

a view of a corner of your hip 

or your cleavage

your lips wrapped around a strawberry 

makes his jaw clench, knuckles turn white around his phone 

when he gets back he can’t help but 

just fucking take you 

which is great because he’s soo gentle out of the bedroom

so when he fucks the shit out of you

i’m talking about 

there’s a hole in the wall right where his headboard hits

oh and the bed frame is

a metal canopy frame 

obv

so he can hang you spread you open you up on every single level

he does NOT want anyone else to be involved tho 

he’d rather blast music from his room when you guys go visit his family back home

than let anyone get a hint of whats going on

but he’ll always keep that dynamic ON

groans when he cums 

you will never get a whimper out of him 

and he grits his teeth HARD too

he tenses all the way up bc he cums hard hard hard

enough to tremble

yes he has calluses from hockey but they worsen when

he grabs onto the rope tightly when he fills you up

jack’s the type that

he’s too shy to kiss you around his parents

but as soon as he shuts the door to your bedroom 

he has you with a spreader bar bending over the bed 

hands tied against the other rail 

or the top rail so you're fully exposed 

and he’ll use every hole all night 

overstimulate you both 

make you both leak until you see stars

but still melt in front of you the morning after 

nuzzle into your neck when you’re in the elevator alone

or blush when you hold hands in public

🤷🏻‍♀️

#jack studnicka #jack studnicka rpf #jack studnicka smut #jack studnicka x reader #jack studnicka imagine #jack studnicka blurb #smut #nhl #nhl smut #nhl rpf #nhl fic #nhl blurb #nhl hockey #hockey #nhl players #vancouver canucks #boston bruins

[contentloadingandstuff]

Dark Days - Keqing & Ganyu x Male!Reader

CW: Reader death, slight self harm, swearing, lots of grief and misery, modern AU.

Keqing

She woke up at six, exactly ten minutes before you, and jumped into the shower. When she was out, she fixed breakfast while her pretty husband was painfully dragging himself out of bed. You were grumpy, but she reminded you it's Friday with a kind, soft smile, while passing you a bowl of cereal. She said she will treat you tonight, and then jokingly fed you a spoon out of her portion. You took it with a big, goofy smile.

She put on her formal dress, and looked after your office suit as well. You could never properly tuck the shirt in. No, it doesn't matter that nobody will see it, she said. Rules are rules. She also helped you take control of your bad case of morning hair.

When she went to grab the car keys, you swiped them off before she could get them. They were in a cup on the kitchen shelf, and she had to go on tiptoes to get it. She tried getting them back, but your amazing genetics defeated her, so she settled for you to drive this time.

There was a lot of traffic, but waking up an hour earlier had its benefits. Soon enough you arrived at her workplace. She quickly got out of the car, grabbed her purse on the way out, and spared you a quick glance and a quick 'I love you'.

Just as she was about to enter the building, she heard the screech of tires forced against the road, followed by a loud crash. She instantly turned around. 

She saw a red van where your car stood, its hood bent and missing the front. Further up, with a trail of broken metal and plastic behind it was your vehicle. 

Or the remains of it. 

The sheer speed of the van pushed the car straight into a nearby building. The entire hood of the car was forced into the front seats by the impact. 

No chance of survival. 

Without thinking about her own safety, she discarded the purse and sped towards you. She had to do something, she had to try. Maybe by some miracle you-

No. 

A roughly human shaped mass of bloodied meat is what she saw. Only your left arm was intact, crushed off at the elbow by the bent car window. 

She tried to force open the door, to no avail. Even her Vision, the gift from the Gods, was useless. She couldn't rescue anything. Not a single piece.

Pieces. That's what was left of you. Those pieces talked to her this morning. Those pieces ate breakfast with her. Those pieces kissed her in the car before she left. 

Those pieces, this bloody pile of meat, was all that was left of her husband. 

Keqing's rational mind screamed out to her. The car could ignite, the fuel tank could explode, she could die. But it didn't matter. At that moment, she didn't care if she would live or not. 

Life without you was worse than death. In death, at least you could be together again. 

Tears ran out when 'you' were extracted from the wreckage, scooped up into a black bag, and wheeled away. Ningguang led her away before the media would show up, and drove her home without a word. 

She tried her best to stay composed, but the pain soon overwhelmed her. She never liked alcohol before, but soon enough the liquor closet, full of gifts you two received in the past, was emptied. Keqing cried, screamed, threw the bottles and everything else she had in sight. In a drunk haze, she covered or simply destroyed anything that reminded her of you. Your pictures were stashed away, your things were thrown into the trash, she couldn't. She couldn't bear to look at them. 

Why did you do this to her? 

Why did you have to love her so much? Why did you have to be so lovable? So dear and kind? You ignited her heart, but left it a desolate wasteland on your departure. She wished the two of you never met. She wished you'd never fallen in love, that she'd never fallen in love with you. You could be alive, if not for her. 

It's her fault. 

Keqing tried to destroy the Vision, this time in a frenzy. The Gods chose her, but still they tore her heart into pieces. Seemingly mocking her, the object remained intact, despite being crushed, slashed, trampled and thrown. 

At some point Keqing made the mistake of watching the news. Her shocked self, her desperate attempts at opening the car, the mental collapse. Everything was caught on the CCTV, because of course someone leaked the feed. 

Motherfuckers. Sons of bitches. Whores. Fuckers. Scum. Filth. Thrash. The alcohol loosened her lips and she screamed or cried out all those insults. She works so diligently for the society, she keeps everything in order, she rejects pleasure, only for them to not let her even fucking grieve in peace. 

When she was scrolling through the internet, mindless and exhausted from crying, she stumbled upon a certain article. Some trashy news website suggested that she wasn't fit for the job, since she didn't show up at work for the past few days. 

Maybe they were right. Keqing was eyeing the shards of glass more intently by the hour. 

Liyue without you is not a Liyue worth fighting for. 

She saw her own reflection in the jagged piece of a broken vodka bottle. Face red from drunkenness and tears, eyes bloodshot from sleep deprivation, hair messy and outfit dirty with liquor and sweat. 

Is that really what you would want her to look like? Would bleeding out here and now be a good way of honoring your memory? Countless times you’ve told her that if, for any reason, death would do you apart, you would live on for her. She appreciated that greatly. She believed that living for someone is far greater of a sacrifice than death in their name. 

And here she was, intoxicated, broken, considering slitting her wrists. This wasn’t a way to honor you, you who gave her all this love, all those memories to live with. You deserved better. 

She would live. For you. 

For now, however, she needed to talk to someone. Anyone. She wasn’t sure if her far-from-sober mind would stick to the promise she just made. Keqing wasn’t sure of what she was capable of. She needed help. 

Keqing wiped her eyes with her hand, and choked back a sob. She picked up her phone, unlocked it, and scrolled through the pages upon pages of missed calls. She selected one from Ningguang, and put the device to her ear. 

After a few signals, a familiar voice reached her ears. “Keqing! Are you still with us? By the Gods, you got me thinking you did something very foolish! Hello?”

Just hearing her voice was enough to bring tears to her eyes again, this time of relief. She smiled. In this world, beyond the four walls of her dark apartment, there were still others. Other people, friends, who could offer her a hand, who cared. Who saw beyond the cloud of despair she was suffocating in. She sniffed.

“Can y-you pick me u-up… please?”

“I’m on my way. Don’t even think of doing anything you will regret, do you understand?”

Keqing closed her eyes. “Y-yeah… I’ll s-stay. For h-him.”

Ganyu

Liyue was a safe place. That's what Ganyu believed. 

The Milelith was in tip-top condition. They tracked and captured both petty and serious offenders without fail, week to week, month to month, year to year. Drug laws were strict, and the punishments were ruthless. Gun access was very limited. Sentences were just, quickly delivered, and merciless.

Liyue had no tolerance for crime, and the Qixing saw to that. 

Yet even the greatest justice system won't root out crime. You can try and try, but it is always there to some degree. Crime is hard to eliminate fully. Like weeds. 

It was a quiet night. You picked up Ganyu from work, and stopped by a grocery store. She went to buy some produce for tomorrow's breakfast, while you stayed in the car. She quickly returned with a bag filled with salad, radish, tomatoes and cucumbers. And a few bags of dried banana chips for you to enjoy this evening. 

When she walked out of the store, her eyes immediately spotted the man against the car window. He was talking incoherently, and you were responding with surprisingly calm answers. She placed down the bag, prepared a Cryo shard, and attracted his attention. 

A gunshot. The sound of broken glass. 

The man took off running, and Ganyu pursued him without thinking. He had no chance against her Adepti speed and stamina, and soon enough she pinned him down, freezing his hands to the sidewalk. She cried out for help, and soon enough someone approached her. They called the police, and Ganyu asked them to check up on you. When they returned, the police were already at the scene. 

The look they gave her was all she needed to know. 

Ganyu stiffly walked towards the grocery bag, picked it up, and went back home, all the while carefully avoiding looking at the scene. She felt… blank. Empty. Emotionless. Her brain was still processing what just occurred. 

Only when the door to your apartment closed did Ganyu surrender. She slid down to the floor, and wailed. 

Pain. Agony. Suffering. Grief. Sadness. Despair. Torture. Struggle. Sorrow. Misery. None of those words, in any human language, could describe what she was going through. 

Her phone rang non stop, but Ganyu didn’t want to speak to anybody. They couldn’t comfort her like you could. They couldn’t caress her horns, they couldn’t feed her like you did, they couldn’t cuddle her, they couldn’t boop her nose when she commented on her weight they couldn’t-

They weren’t you. 

All she wanted was to have you back. 

She tried. She tried to ride it out. She knew it would pass eventually. Ganyu tried to sleep it off and go back to her routine. She set the alarm clock, did her evening clean up, and cried herself to sleep, in vain. Just the coldness, the silence, the emptiness of your bed was enough to rip her soul to shreds. 

Every room was stuffy with her despair, every wall, ceiling, furniture piece and meter of floor was stained with tears. She was pulling her hair, she was biting her arms and hands, she was scratching at her skin, she was screaming, she wanted it to stop.

Ganyu was desperate. She didn’t want to think, she didn’t want to be able to remember. She raided the fridge, stuffing her face with everything she could find, no matter if vegetarian or not. She downed a handful of sleeping pills, and curled up on the couch. 

She couldn’t sleep in the bed. It smelled like you.

There was frequent knocking on the door that would wake her up. Her phone was still in the car when she left. Voices, many different, familiar. 

The monotone voice of Shenhe, now filled with concern. She offered to help her clean and cook food, or whatever she could to ease her pain. Ganyu screamed to be left alone. 

The grim voice of Ningguang, telling her that this isn’t a solution. That you wouldn’t want this to happen, for her to be left isolated and alone. Ganyu screamed for her to leave her be. 

The methodical voice of Keqing, monologuing about how she can’t fully comprehend her friend’s pain, but that she wants to help. Ganyu screamed that she only needed to be left in peace. 

Cloud Retainer pecked at every window. Her master stood on the balcony, trying to get Ganyu to talk with them, but she only heard the wailing of the Qiling in return. Her heart was bleeding as she could do nothing but watch as her daughter spiraled deeper and deeper into despair.

Beidou. Moon Carver. Madame Ping. Yanfei.  Mountain Shaper. Morax. Lumine. Chongyun. Xiangling. Yun Jin. Even Xiao tried. But she wouldn’t let them in. All she could think about, all she wanted was you. Your smile, your touch, your voice, your scent. Now gone, left to dwell in but her memories and lifeless pictures for all eternity. 

But they were persistent. They came daily. Xiao caused the wind to constantly rattle and wail against her windows. Cloud Retainer left bags of groceries on the balcony. They knocked and knocked and spoke and spoke until Ganyu could take it no longer. She burst out of the door and screamed “GET OUT!” at Shenhe. The woman didn’t budge, however, and instead embraced Ganyu. She whispered words of comfort as Ganyu’s legs gave in, exhausted from her sorrow, and the women sank to the floor, the Adeptus’ body trembling with agony. 

For the following few days, there wasn’t a moment when Ganyu was alone, not even during sleep. Shenhe cooked and cleaned, Zhongli brewed tea and rambled about history, Ningguang helped her clean and get herself in order, Xiao played the flute, Cloud Retainer told stories from her childhood, even managing to get Ganyu flustered instead of depressed for a few brief moments. 

The wounds would slowly heal, and Ganyu would be able to see sunlight again. 

Thanks for reading!

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x male reader #genshin impact x male reader #genshin impact angst #genshin angst #angst #genshin impact keqing #keqing #keqing x reader #keqing x male reader #keqing x you #keqing x y/n #keqing angst #genshin impact ganyu #ganyu #ganyu x reader #ganyu x male reader #ganyu x you #ganyu x y/n #ganyu angst #genshin impact modern au #genshin modern au #modern au

[luna-rainbow]

(I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors; English is not my mother tongue.)

Hi!

I have a few questions for you and I'm fairly certain that you've probably been asked them before, so I apologize if this has been the case. I'm relatively new to fandom (only since 2020). But I keep wondering if there is some illness that Bucky could suffer from. I'm thinking of things like: E.g. stroke, aneurysm, heart attack, Alzheimer's disease or Parkinson's disease. Would there be any impact in the long term? Or does the serum prevent him from generally getting such “diseases of civilization”? Or, if he suffers from it, does the serum help him to recover where a "normal" human being wouldn't been able to? It's said in some places that Hydra didn't use the same serum that Steve got, so it might perhaps be within the realm of possibility (I mean, we're talking about non-existent things like super soldier serum) that such "side effects " may occur? I know you're not a medical professional, but I really value your opinion and in-depth knowledge of Bucky and have enjoyed reading many of your assessments of him.

Thanks for your time!

Oooh! Thanks for the fascinating question! You've actually been in the fandom longer than I have 😂 And your English is fantastic!

In TFATWS Isaiah spoke of his squad of men all dying from the effects of the serum. In the comics, Isaiah did have two major weaknesses as a side effect of the serum: he got early dementia and he was rendered infertile. This is not true of TFATWS!Isaiah though, because he looks like he’s well in control of his mental faculties.

I feel like the serum, if it was flawed, would kill rapidly because of how powerful its effects on cells are. It's supposed to increased strength, endurance, stamina, speed, healing and longevity; we also know that it increased metabolism of alcohol (and maybe other drugs too).

But what are the side effects on increasing strength, stamina and speed? Presumably they would need a much higher energy intake than the normal person to maintain the function of the muscles (and their level of activity). Presumably there would be cascading changes on insulin sensitivity and energy storage. What happens when they become sedentary? Do they store a lot of that excessive energy on their body like Alexei? Or do they get the zoomies because their body is forcing them to burn off the excess energy? What does it mean for sleep? Are they needing more sleep because of the energy expenditure, or less sleep because of the rapid rejuvenation? What does that change in sleep cycle mean when they have to live amongst normal humans? And how do they balance their meals against that?

The higher metabolism is interesting, because does that mean a higher rate of cell turnover? In most normal humans, we know that higher cell turnover rates mean bigger chances of mutations, hence things like chronic inflammation increases risks of cancer. Sure, healing speed might be fast, but sometimes it’s a matter of quality over speed, you know? Are they closing wounds or replacing lost blood but actually spawning cancerous cells? Sometimes I wonder if a lot of Isaiah’s squad may have died from cancer like these 🤔 There is an interesting bit of DNA on our chromosomes called the “telomere”, that seems to be somewhat of a genetic marker for “best before date”, if you will. When the telomere gets shorter, there are higher incidences of age-related diseases, but I’m not sure we’ve figured out which is the chicken or the egg 🤔 The reason I bring it up is we don’t know how the increased metabolism given by the serum will affect the mechanisms for cell repair. Do the cell repair happen faster too? Or do they — as you point out — hit a physiological roadblock and after that it’s all down hill?

And finally, what does the serum do to mental health specifically? Not just the improved memory or the heightened senses (leading to heightened anxiety), but physiological changes can definitely cause emotions, eg people with fast thyroid or fast heart rate feeling anxious and jittery all the time. If your energy is always elevated, how do you let your mind rest? If you’re not able to fall asleep, how does your brain repair itself and consolidate memories? And what is the psychological effect of always living on juice? Is that what drives comics!Isaiah to an early dementia?

Sorry, this raised far more questions than it answered! I think it is definitely possible that there are long term side effects of the serum that we don’t know about. Although I suspect a MCU was thinking is “magic mcgaffin juice, heals all illnesses” which I guess is all you need when the original point of the story is that the physique didn’t matter as much as the man inside, and what was most important was he was going to punch Nazis.

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #asks

[karizard-ao3]

My reactions to Evangelion, episode 15: Lies and Silence

Before I begin, I was thinking about it this morning and I'm wondering if NERV is indeed trying to bring on the apocalypse (and to create an Eden for fetus Adam to live in) and the Angels are in fact the good guys trying to stop them. There's a lot of talk about saving humanity but it kind of seems to me like the second impact was due to humans killing an Angel, who then exploded? It makes me wonder what kind of research they were doing on that Arctic base (Antarctic?) Idk, but to me it seems like humanity as a whole has not been in danger from the Angels: it's just NERV. But I'm also kind of hung up on the Instrumentality part of the Human Instrumentality project. Instrumental for what?

Anyway, I'll keep wondering on it, but I'm going to start the episode.

"Every project is interlinked"

is the first time we're hearing about the Marduk institute?

Oh, okay. So it sounds like the Human Instrumentality project is about trying to find kids to pilot the Evangelions. That makes sense. They are the instruments in piloting the Evas. So perhaps Adam has been genetically engineered to be the perfect pilot.

Asuka! Oh my gosh! Girl who cried wolf!

Shinji has been preoccupied with Rei since that thing happened in Unit 0, maybe?

Asking Rei for advice on how to talk to his own dad. Poor kid

He's comparing Rei to a mother. IS SHE A CLONE OF HIS MOTHER. Also, he's so awkward.

Or maybe she's a robot with his mother's personality inside. Oooooooh.

When Asuka asked to borrow Misato's lavender perfume my first thought was of Love Spell.

Oh, he's going to see his mother tomorrow! She's alive and also apparently negligent.

I'm chuckling because my first thought on seeing Kaji was, "You couldn't even shave for your friend's wedding?" and then Misato got on him for the same thing lol.

Nope, his mom is actually dead.

That's a very stark cemetery.

So he can't remember her face, there are no photographs that exist, the grave is just a facade... So mysterious.

"I see." What an ass.

I didn't know Shinji played an instrument! And so beautifully!

Shinji is so sweet and positive. I just love him so much.

Ritsuko's comment on transistasis and homeostasis has me thinking about the potential that NERV is trying to force human evolution. Perhaps they want to create a symbiotic relationship with the Evas? I don't know about that... Trying to evolve them to be compatible with technology? Space travel? Is the planet doomed?

Kaji is such a smooth talker.

Yeah, kiss her. That'll shut her up.

Asuka, Jesus Christ. Mocking Shinji about his dead mom to bully him into kissing you. Girl, please.

I'm wheezing! He turned fuschia!

Is it because he couldn't breathe? Omg

Asuka... Sweetheart... You're just repeating his warning back to him.

I wonder if Asuka realizing Misato and Kaji have a thing is going to interfere with her ability to complete her next mission.

There's the central dogma! Rei's in a tube hooked up to what looks like a metal brain.

Okay, so I'm thinking about how when Shinji was in Unit 0 he was like, "Oh, it's Rei. Wait, that's not-" and then creepy Rei looked up at him and jumped towards him and that is when Unit 0 flipped out and started trying to get to the real Rei. So I am thinking there are perhaps multiple people inside Rei (this is also influenced by the fact that when I was looking up to see if ep. 14 was a recap episode I saw it mentioned that Rei is schizophrenic. However, I'm not sure I believe she's actually schizophrenic. I kind of think she is actually harboring another person and that it's Shinji's mother.)

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH ADAM IS THE FIRST ANGEL?

I had kind of wondered if there was an Angel inside the facility. I had initally assumed there would be one kept top secretly but they kept saying how they needed to catch one for research so I was like, "Oh, maybe not, but that's weird that they wouldn't have on after all this time." Especially with everything they seem to know about them. I figured it had to be they either created them or were studying them.

In Closing

I'm so excited! Mysteries are starting to come to light!

Okay, let me see if I can organize my current theories:

Rei might be an imprint Shinji's mother - possibly she's an android, possibly just a person with an especially impressionable brain. But I think that there's Rei the girl and then also the additional personality/ies if this is the case.

NERV is going to perhaps force human evolution using genetic engineering. Or, they might be planning an apocalypse. The Angels may be trying to stop this from happening. I really have no idea.

I just considered that given the ages of the children and the timeline of the second impact, is it possible that children who were in-utero/ conceived around or after that time have some kind of Angel influence within their DNA? Like some kind of radiation? Could this be why only kids can operate the Evas? Are Angels neccessary for the next phase of whatever NERV has planned?

I feel like there's more but I want to hurry up and get to the next episode, so bye.

#neon genesis evangelion #evangelion #first watch #thoughts #reactions #shinji ikari #gendo ikari #rei ayanami #yui ikari #asuka langley soryu #misato katsuragi #ryoji kaji #What are you up to NERV?

[happyk44]

The things I would change about the Shazam 2 film - like I did really enjoy it but because of the overall plot, there were definitely some nuances they couldn't expand on as well as they wanted to.

More Billy as Billy, not as Shazam - teen Billy was very much underutilized and I'm not totally sure why, but even though Zach's performance as Shazam was really good, I would've liked to see Asher more

Explicit explanation that Billy sees his connection to Shazam as a way to fit into the family. He has abandonment issues and struggles with the fact that the team doesn't always want to be the team. To him, being Shazam/Captain Marvel is his way of connecting to the family - their sort of "genetic" bond as it were. If it were more obvious, I think the scene between him and Rosa would've had more impact -- plus it would've been a nice way to explain why he's always Shazam in the film

Mary's scene talking about Billy aging out of the system -- it came across well meaning to me and I understood what she was getting at, but I did see a lot of comments afterwards complaining about it so maybe a little more emphasis on the fact that Mary isn't telling Billy he needs to leave the house, but that he needs to contribute in a more meaningful way, which he can't do if he's always powered on. There is more benefit to the family as a whole when Billy is Billy, than when he's superpowered (which would then tie into the above point, where Billy feels that his only value is Shazam and that his only way to bond with his family is through having the same superpowers)

Either get rid of the scene where Mary finds out that Rosa and Victor bought the house or elaborate on it some more - part of Mary's speech to Billy is about how rent is expensive on top of taking care of the whole family, which is why she pitches in as much as she can, now that they don't receive government support for her. Them randomly bringing up this fact makes it seem like she's being working for nothing and just left a weird taste in my mouth.

Also if they just. Wrote the scene where Billy comes back from the dead a little better. Like it was fine, but it was just so. Random. Like how was Wonder Woman able to access the realm of gods so easily - had she heard about it before? It was trapped in a bubble, so we know she's never visited before. And why did she show up to revive Billy in the first place. Like we get the little joke from Billy about her receiving his letter, but even that falls a little flat because it's just. 🤔

Honestly I would've preferred Hades or Anubis or any other death god to come forward, reveal they've been hiding in the mortal realm since the destruction of the god realm or whatever, because "you can't kill death" and also it would a) explain better why the Wizard didn't die (they refused to accept it based on what he and his family did to their world) and b) better write in Billy resurrection (they either then can restore the god realm like Diana did or Anthea could do that once they restore her powers) and c) show that they have decided Billy (and subsequently his family) is worthy of the powers from their family.

#happy talks dc #shazam #billy batson #shazam fury of the gods #shazam 2

[messrsbyler]

Okay so I'm probably forgetting about a moment here, but I was thinking about the way Mike comforts people when they need him.

In season 1, ep 1, when we get the first scene of Troy and his friend bullying the party they target all of them with name-calling, but then they shift their attention specifically to Dustin (thank you Em for pointing this put hehe) and they make him do "the arm thing" since both Dustin and Gaten have cleidocranial dysplasia which is a genetic condition affecting bone (particularly the skull and collarbones) and teeth development (basically, Troy and his friend are being a pair of ableist fuckers). Then they leave and Mike turns to Dustin and says:

"I think it's kind of cool. It's like you have superpowers or something. Like... Mister Fantastic!"

To which Dustin replies:

"Yeah, except I can't fight evil with it"

This maybe showing that even though Mike is trying to comfort his friend, the words don't make a huge impact because of how fantastical and out of reach they are.

Then, on episode 6 of the same season we have the moment when Mike jumps off the cliff and El saves him. And then when Troy and his friend run away, El collapses and says to Mike:

"Mike, I'm sorry." "Sorry? What are you sorry for?" "The gate. I opened it. I'm the monster." "No. No, El, you are not the monster. You saved me, do you understand? You saved me."

In this case, Mike says exactly what El needs to hear. She's not the monster and it can be proven by the way El went out of her way to save Mike. But then we see how this idea shifts from "you are not the monster" to "you are a superhero" which instead of comforting El it adds a new weight on her shoulders and a new title that keeps her from finding out who she truly is.

On season 2, when Will gets possessed by the Shadow Monster, Mike comforts him telling him that:

"Think about it Will. You are like a spy now. A super spy. Spying on the Shadow Monster."

Mike uses the word super again, which would make Will the third person (unless I missed another scene) Mike comforts by putting this big word on them. Of course, then we have El and Mike on season 4 during their fight:

"I mean, what is this? You can't let those mouthbreathers ruin you. Ruin us. They are nobody. And you are a superhero."

So, that got me thinking. Why is Mike fixated so much with what's super? And then I remembered something my old therapist told me. And that's that we comfort people the way we want to be comforted, because it's what we think the others might need. Now, I don't know if that's a golden rule, probably not. But what if that's what Mike is doing here?

What if whenever Mike needed to be comforted but found himself alone because his family didn't take the time to check on him, he ached for someone to come and tell him that things would be fine because he had the power to make them fine on his own? What if Mike wanted in his vulnerable moments for someone to make him feel like a superhero, like he will be able to get through whatever is going on no matter what because superheroes never lose, because superheroes can protect the ones they love and as we know Mike is a caretaker (which, uhm, isn't basically that what superheroes are too?).

What if that's what Mike thinks he needs, and that's why he comforts people like that most times? But then, when he allows himself to be vulnerable as well, when he steps down from the caretaker position and levels up with the person he wants to give comfort to, Mike actually understand how to console them. We see this in the crazy together scene. Mike doesn't tell Will that his episodes could be a superpower. He listens to Will, and then feels comfortable enough to be vulnerable himself, and when he says he feels like he is going crazy and Will says he feels the same, instead of going all the way to care for Will, Mike meets him in the middle so instead they take care of each other.

"Well, if we are going crazy then we'll go crazy together."

In this scene Mike isn't Will's caretaker, he's his best friend and is on a one-on-one dynamic with him, so they both can find a balance and find each other there.

And then in season 4 when Mike is in need of being comforted, Will approaches him in a way that isn't how Mike thinks he needs to be supported. Will doesn't tell Mike he's like a superhero, being the leader of the party, saving him from the Upside Down and being on the first line whenever they have to deal with all that bullshit. Will tells Mike something much more human, his words are much more reachable. He tells Mike he's the heart, the one that keeps the Party together, and that without him they would all fall apart. Will doesn't give Mike a new super title, he just reminds Mike what he's been all along. And we get that shot of Mike looking so openly and vulnerable at Will, taking in the words, understanding them and letting them reach him.

What if Mike feels like he needs to be a superhero as well, and Will is there to remind him that he's the heart already, and that that's what they all need. Not another Mr. Fantastic or another Captain America. Just Mike, leading the Party on, and keeping them together.

#mike wheeler's mental health #mike wheeler analysis #byler #byler tumblr #stranger things #st analysis #byler analysis #will byers #mike x will #will x mike #byler endgame

[veyette]

Dream dragon AU by milder-manners (check it out, there is good world-building, beautiful concepts and just as nice strip pannels drawn by them) theory

Okay, I'm going to try my hand here because I'm not sure how much people will think it's spoilers if I ask but I still want to get it out. This is more a jumble of thoughts than a true theory about what will happen

First, there is the (to me at least*) open secret that Dream is the white dragon since the first pannel and the prophecy implies he will tranform himself sooner or later (but can he already ?)

Dragons hybrids can shapeshift (thanks to vow this is now a fact (aka, her being a human silhouette then having a large tail in Dream's flashbacks) + the author confirming that some magical beings can shapeshift)... but it also said it's something you have to train for, even if genetical grounds matter a lot. So is that why Dream try to steal the End info, to power up his own strength ? Is it for himself, as dragons- nature can makes them want to hoard knowledge (on that note, is that the same motivation than vow ?) or is it to be able to get revenge (especially since we now know for sure he comes from Deepheart's capital)

Which brings me to a second theory : Dream's presence in Deepheart (2 things)

1. Magic : Wardens seemed very careful about who could learn the death magic. It seems logical than only a very few can learn it, aka the Ancient Council. I doubt another hybrid than warden (especially a cow hybrid since they aren't supposed to have magic) would be invited to learn it. Was Dream ever interested in this if he likes hoarding knowledge ? Could he try to study it even if his magic doesn't resonate with it ? Or maybe it's just a coincidence and he never had an interest in this kind of stuff (but ok, I'll admit the dsmp impacted my theory with c!dream and all that. Idk how much it ties into pure warden lore. But the death link is there and I don't want to close the door on this too quickly)

2. Growing up - dream's parents and heritage.

I want to be clear I may be wrong and the author may want to take us in a very different direction, but the white horns, the prophecy, the fact Dream is fireproof and that usually when you follow a guy you know is the hero and makes himself pass for a prey hybrid... all those makes me 99% sure about what Dream is supposed to be.

Where it's interesting is that dragons hybrids are rare, and that it's genetics that make an hybrid. So Dream's parents should be dragons hybrids too : what were they doing in Deepheart and why didn't they survive ? It may be that they weren't lucky genetically and weren't fireproof, or died from buildings falls, but maybe they weren't even there, Dream already alone at that age. Tried to know a bit more about dragons habits with their kids but seems like I was too sneaky with my formulation :')

Anyway. If Dream had parents keeping him safe, what were they doing in Deepheart ? Were they interested in magic too or trying to live a normal life (possible, but uncertain seeing how they are characterized so far). If his parents weren't there : why is Dream there, has he been left there voluntarily ? Why Deepheart especially if the Empire seems interested in the End, he would have been more in his place there. Unless his parents didn't know he was a dragon hybrid (which, they could both had recessive dragon genes which could explain the whiteness).

It could be an easy plot point where the author just needed a town to put Dream in that the Empire would attack but I think they wouldn't mention sculk magic that way and the importance of Deepheart if there wasn't more to find.

...I feel like an old crazy geeze trying to analyse this lmao, feel free to interract if you have more ideas to explore or points you disagree with

#w.d.a #initials of the au bc i don't want to appear on the tag and i'll be real i post this so i can have an official record for myself of theory

[floralovebot]

Hope you don’t mind me asking but…What do you think Riven is supposed to be in terms of coded Race or ethnicity?

When it comes to winx club and what race each character is supposed to be (or at least be coded as), its genrrally not very hard to guess. Like the winx are obvious because they’re directly modeled after real celebrities, but the specialists are a little less obvious, though still fairly easy to guess. Sky and Timmy are generally assumed to be white, it’s fairly certain amongst fans that Helia is supposed to be Asian, Nabu is South Asian, and Brandon…well he’s a little on the ambiguous side but I’ve seen a good amount of people headcanon him as Latino….and y’know what…as a latina, I’ll take it along with the canon rep that Flora (and MAYBE Stella??? I say that cause Cameron Diaz is of Cuban descent on one side, so it’s possible Stella could be read as a white passing/half Hispanic/Latina) gives us.

However with all that, Riven is really unclear to me. I see headcanons vary from him being asian, latino, white, or a mix of at least two of those…and Idk what to think tbh.

LOVE THIS

And honestly, this might be a disappointing answer, but the truth is that his race is fully ambiguous in every way possible. Sometimes fans say "ambiguous", but what they really mean is "definitely true, but not explicitly canon". For example, Nabu is South Asian in that kind of ambiguous way, where it is very, very clear, but not explicitly stated. (And let's be honest, the only reason some fans consider Nabu ambiguous is because he's dating Aisha, a black woman, and they can't imagine a non-black dark-skinned man dating a black woman, but I digress...)

Riven's race, however, is actually ambiguous in its true definition.

We don't know what planet Riven is from. It's never stated or even implied. We don't know where his family is from. It's never stated or implied. We don't know anything about his culture, how he was raised (outside of likely poor and single-parented), where he lived, if he had any friends, etcetc. Compared to other characters, we really don't know much about Riven's background other than his mom left him.

Sometimes people try to figure it out. Some people use his eye shape as evidence for him being Asian, despite the fact that other canonically non-Asian characters also have more narrow eyes (Flora being the best example). Some people use his hair color as evidence that he's from Zenith, but that really means nothing when it comes to his race, and Tecna being white isn't a good defense for that. Some people use his eye color being purple and Musa's eye color being purple as evidence that he is Asian, but considering Helia's eye color is blue and there are most definitely non-Asian characters with purple eyes too, that also means nothing. He never wears culturally significant or identifiable clothing. And no, I don't think his British flag shirt is anything more than Rainbow trying to make them look fashionable and trendy.

Riven's race is truly ambiguous. His racial identity can actually be read in more than one way. And honestly, I think this lends itself to a very impactful reading on his character as a whole. We know that Riven didn't have the best childhood. We know that he doesn't have a relationship with his mother, and he never brings up his father or anyone else in his family. It's very heavily implied that Riven's relationship with his family is rocky at best and nonexistent at worst.

Now obviously, in real life, someone having a bad relationship with their family doesn't just erase their genetics. That's true even in winx club - Musa has a fraught relationship with her father for the better part of season 1, but we can still tell she's East Asian. That being said, winx club is a fictional, animated show with drawn and intentionally designed characters. Just like Flora is designed to look sweet and girly, Riven is designed to look mysterious and angsty.

I truly believe that as an audience, we're not supposed to know much about his past, and in winx club, that includes his family, his planet, and subsequently, his race and ethnicity. Riven can be seen as Asian, White, mixed, Latino, Hispanic, mostly whatever you want, and that's on purpose. Whether or not that decision is Good is debatable, but I truly do think that was Rainbow's intention with him. He's meant to be seen as mysterious in season 1, and for Rainbow, that typically translates to knowing as little about a character's true self as possible.

Personally, I do prefer asian!Riven, but that is fully just a headcanon, and any "implication" I could find in canon is going to be dubious and easy to interpret differently. To bring back a previous point, I could say his eye shape is proof that he's Asian, and many people have, but that would mean that Flora, Palladium a la glow up design, Lucy, and Thoren are all also Asian. I could try to say that him having purple eyes is proof that he's Asian, but that would mean that Roxy is also Asian (which I would actually love but considering both of her parents are canonically white, she isn't). And tbh, these are the only solid, consistent things about his character that could be seen as proof of him being Asian coded, and that's not great in comparison to characters like Musa, Nabu, or Helia. Like,, there's a reason people make entire essays on Nabu's hair, clothing, parents, class, magic, etc, and not just one-off posts about the shape of his eyes. There's a lot to work with and a lot about him that actually correlates to being South Asian. Only being able to cite Riven's eye shape is pretty shoddy when you compare him to all the other "ambiguous" characters who have a lot more evidence supporting their coded race.

Trying to make any I'm Right statement about his race or ethnicity is always going to fail, at least regarding the first three seasons, because he doesn't have any significant or consistent racial coding. Even his characterization doesn't mean much when most, if not all, of the tropes he fits into are not race-specific, and any racial stereotype he could have can all be written off as him filling the angsty/minor antagonist/redeemed character tropes.

Anyway, again I realize this probably isn't the answer you wanted. I would love to do a full meta explaining the intricacies of his racial/ethnic coding, but he really just,,, doesn't have that. And again, we could totally have a discussion on whether or not this is even Okay; if Rainbow making his race ambiguous so he seems more mysterious is Wrong or Offensive in some way. But the truth is that Riven's race is ambiguous, and that's on purpose.

#answered #long post #again Personally i prefer and love asian riven #but im also asian myself and i used to think tecna and brandon were asian too #and tbh i still love asian tecna i can headcanon her as a little treat aldhg #but anyway #its very easy for me to see asian coding since ive gotten used to figuring it out #being a kid with little representation does wonders for coding interpretations aldg #but because of that i can say with ease that riven's asian coding isnt really... all that there #literally the ONLY thing people use as evidence is his eye shape #and for some people (like me) thats enough to consider him asian #but within the confines of canon it doesnt actually work like that #again other non-asian characters have that same eye shape #and the other actually asian characters have a lot more evidence going for them and fans dont have to rely on Just eye shape #riven's asian coding is very much an outlier and doesn't match up with the coding that other canonically/ambiguously asian characters have #and again i really do think this is on purpose

[ezrisdax-archive]

If you could fully rewrite Mass Effect 2, how would you do it?

I'd lean harder into the keepers already being controlled by the reapers and in charge of the citadel. I wouldn't have done the collector arc at all as related to the protheans tbh, while the reveal was cool the first time I played it the more I thought about it and the lore they gave us in ME3 just didn't make it make much sense because once again, they have this genetic touch memory power so why did they get rid of it when the collectors could have solved a lot of things that way.

but yeah. hm, a full redo of ME2...there's certain beats I might wanna keep like Shep dying which was certainly impactful and Liara becoming the shadowbroker which is important to her arc, and except for Jacob's (which I'd redo entirely) I wouldn't change much in the content of the squadmate missions. When it comes to Shep joining Cerberus though I'd offer more pushback and actually bringing up the ME1 stuff if you did that missions, like have a conversation branch associated with that. Maybe even have it where if you against it enough you'd lose assests and Shep is in fact playing Cerberus the way Tali suggests but has to walk a careful line otherwise let's say you lose Miranda and Jacob as squadmates once you have enough.

Now the suicide mission I'd keep but I think I'd change the whole idea of it, like yeah omega relay can stay but you're not going to stop the collectors, you're trying to just block the reapers from coming in through a certain other access point. maybe the omega relay is like a copy of the citadel, an original one the reapers made but wasn't fully functional and the keepers have been leaving the old citadel and no one knows where they're going because no one's realized that the omega relay is an old citadel yet. and that's just mentioned really here and there and not the main plot persay but something that plays a major point of tying in.

so for the main arc I'm okay with keeping the collectors and having them kidnap humans but I'd just have them be this new alien that no one knew of, not something known before because again, why send sovereign if you had them right there. or hell maybe they were part of the galaxy before but they did believe Shep and chose to go the Saren route and now you've got a whole race that's chosen to work for the Reapers instead of just one person. and while they do start by taking humans to serve up to the Reapers in an attempt to not have their species taken towards the end they also start taking other species. I just wanted more in ME2 where Shep has to build relationships with other species and not just their squadmate of that species. and then that plays in to ME3 depending on how to treated those species. did you rescue them along with the humans or not?

actually I might change Legion's story a little now that I think about it, maybe have his side the heretics who chose not to believe in the Reapers as gods and his side is the one you have to prevent a rewrite of. and then in ME3 you have to convince the other Geth the Reapers aren't gods and forge that alliance with them and the Quarian. I just think this new species of robots who have a belief system like that was a fascinating story and I wanted more of a look into it.

ME2 mostly bugs me because the collector backstory and we don't get as much interactions with reapers but I admit I'm not quite clever enough fully to figure out how to tie the reapers in more how I want them to be. mr "assuming direct control" is fun as a meme but he really lacked the shock and elegance Sovereign had. that first talk with Sovereign is still one of the best reveals and so creepy. I think rather than end it fully with a suicide mission we do have some reapers come through. now you've stopped most of them but there's some here now and rather than end it with a fight of the human reaper end it with fights of the actual reapers. like maybe they've slipped through and gone off and no one knows when they're about to attack but they are here now. which then you have them start the attack on the batarian sector and Shep going to save them and failing and blowing up the relay to stall again. not have that as a DLC though, I'm still salty about that. but that's where the game ends, they're actually in the galaxy and have done some destruction and for all Sheps attempts they failed in their own way. ME2 per the arrival as the actual end is just bittersweet so keep it on that note to lead into ME3.

#replies in thirty minutes or they're free #Anonymous #beej talks mass effect

[muu-kun]

It has been a hot minute since I've posted Muu updates, especially in regards to mental health developments, so here go:

Though it isn't entirely lifted from him as bouts of it can still occur should he forget to take his medication, his medication no longer aids him per an ineffective dosage, or should other factors such as placing himself into highly stressful and triggering events occur, his diagnosis of Alice in Wonderland Syndrome is a mute point. Through some additional testing, much of which he admittedly wished to refuse to his own denial that the medical professionals he was going through would find what they were looking for, it was surprising to find that what was causing his bouts of it to begin with was none other than epilepsy. He'd known himself to have a genetic anomaly caused by his form of Kallmann Syndrome that is linked to such condition, such as it is with adhd, and autism, both of which he also has been diagnosed with at different points in his life; however, he had serious doubts about having it himself as he'd never experienced anything he'd have considered to be seizure, or seizure-like even, in his entire life. What he'd later find by holding onto such a statement on such observations is that he simply didn't know the complexities of such a condition. It was unknown to him that seizures were not entirely full body, and instead could be isolated to jerking within the hand, or fingers. There could have even nine at all, as he found out, but instead an offset stare accompanied by a complete lack of body movement. He'd been hearing his whole life that he had the tendency of appearing out of it, or captured by his own mind, yet his contribution to that had always been that perhaps he just wasn't a very bright individual. Only when his absence seizures were replaced by what he'd have later found out to be focal seizures after finding himself concerned about progressively appearing spasms in his pointer fingers specifically did he get to an opportunity of finding more about himself than he truthfully wished to do so personally. Even so, he is still plenty appreciative of the discovery, because now he is on an epilepsy medication. He's thus far been on it the entire month of July without mentioning to anyone. With it becoming otherwise public knowledge at this point, he can at least also share it with the associated knowledge that he hasn't experienced even one instance of feeling very small in a oversized world. If anything, he's actually only found himself offhandedly mentioning the wish to be taller before moving on to better, more practical uses for his focus and time.

Rumination and insomnia are also null in their placements on the board. Nights in which he'd be up until 2, maybe even three in the morning, or ones in which he'd be able to get himself to sleep with limited issue yet would wake up hourly with immense problems getting back to sleeping peacefully, have entirely been replaced by those in which he's lights out on or before 10:00pm and stays deep in slumber until 6:00am the next morning to begin his daily routine unbothered. This is an incredibly exciting development for Muu personally as he still distinctly recalls how difficult it was for him to get even an ounce of rest leading up to and during the pandemic as he would be ruminating about every decision and mistake he'd ever made his entirely life up until his great sadness was enough to lure him into sleeping. It is also of interest to him when it comes to even present conflicts, and how they fail to impact his ability to sleep as they would've years, or even weeks ago. I take for example how the situation between himself and Calix affected him versus the latest one with himself and Sully ( character / blog mentions: @tximidity). In the case involving being informed by the then stranger to him, Calix, that he possess a victim complex, that initiated him into Stressed Mode completely. It embedded itself under his skin enough to lead to not only a nightmare based on the experience, but he also found the high levels of worry he was placing onto his body as a result of a comment he believes was most certainly not intended to hurt him that badly led him to one (which is still thought to be too many in his mind, especially considering his age and degree of health) instance of nocturnal enuresis. Fast forward to being told by Sully that the pair were essentially no longer friends, something that of course Muu would not wish to hear for a number of reasons associated with underlying trauma. As of yet, even, has that hindered his quality of sleep? No, actually it hasn't. It has a tendency to eat at him during the day, yes, but surprisingly once his body is ready for rest, it doesn't allow for even a single thought to disturb him from falling asleep the moment his head hits the pillow. Even on occasions in which he is pulled from sleep by his dog, Match, needing a late into the night bathroom break, or even just a sip of water, he doesn't find himself on dwelling on anything beyond his wishes to go back to sleep-- which, as it would, are granted just as immediately as they are at the start of his rest hours prior. He hasn't been able to sleep so soundly since he was SIXTEEN years old. It might not be an incredibly exciting thing to celebrate, but he's joyful over it all the same.

Additional things to consider:

No, none of this is to even suggest the narrative that he is Healed. I can list right now all the reasons in which that is NOT true:

Self esteem is still non-existent. No matter how much he'd like to be able to even say one positive thing about himself, he unfortunately can not. Any attempt at doing so continues to be met with a voice informing him that he is either incorrect in his opinion, or that there is some other factor about himself so heinous that any posivity in any other area becomes void of merit. Even in a situation in which a loaded firearm is placed to his head, and the only thing determining if he lives or dies in that moment is the ability to list even just one thing about himself that he likes, he'd unfortunately perish due to being absolutely unable to compliment himself.

He still can't keep a consistent job as his mental stability is realistically anything but. Leaving the house is an incredible feat that he admittedly can't always find himself able to accomplish. This is especially true on days he's filled himself with the narrative that he lacks friends, and is otherwise incapable of being saved due an inability to maintain a consistent social group to call his own. Loneliness and grief has truly been eating at him in excruciating doses lately, so really he's only managed to make into work in the instances in which he's messaged directly by his supervisor informing him that he's personally needed for assistance in or outside filming that day. Even then, his appearances within the establishment are limited to only a couple in the late afternoon to seven at the latest as he is not one to like to be anywhere but at home getting comfortable by 7:30 - 8:00pm.

He's still attending daily inpatient care. Per the recommendation of his therapist to attend group therapy, and as a result of some days being exceptionally cruel to himself in manners he's not comfortable addressing, he's been checking himself into his local mental health clinic every Monday through Friday. It starts sharply at 8am, and he stays throughout the entirety of it up until the last minute rolls into 3:00pm. He's very fortunate that his therapist was able to get him into the program free of charge by way of reaching out to them directly with information revealing Muu to be on a limited income due to government funding and a mental health related unemployment history. Truthfully, on days in which he misses out on attending by way of either sleeping in, or other necessary expectations rise up instead, he quite literally cries in distress over it. He's never fit into a group before, or at least not for an incredibly lengthy, or consistent period of time, but there he does. Not only are there people healing alongside him, but there's also numerous trained professionals and volunteers alike on the premises all there to be helpful towards those ongoing journeys. Of course he prefers to participate in activies and sessions ran by older staff members there, especially the male's unsurprisingly, as he likes to refer to them as being "real" grown-ups to his.. not so great strategies at being one.

#; ♡ ; mental health masterpost

[weiwithwords]

The weirdness of stories

An essential weirdness permeates all good stories: the weirdness of purpose. Things in stories happen for reasons; they must, for stories to make sense. Authorial intent and meaning require a basic assumption of cause and effect to be intelligible. Strong narrative structure entails strong beginnings and strong endings; good characters need good motivations; resonant themes shine brightly by definition. Even those stories whose point is ambiguity and dissatisfaction nonetheless have a point.

In these ways, stories are not like life. Life is filled with the random, the meaningless, the unintelligible. Life's complexity resists the sort of throughlines present in even the simplest narratives; life's level of detail eludes any attempt to capture it. In a fraction of a second, we can have a thought that would take us hundreds of pages to try to describe, and even after all those reams, we'd still feel like we didn't quite explain it right. And (in another way in which life and stories are different) even after all that, we would still have no idea what will happen next. So much of life is happenstance, and therefore naturally opposed to formulation. As my friend Kathleen told me, "You can't accidentally write anything. You can't accidentally create."

I often tell people I stopped being Christian because I went to a Chinese Christian camp with a charismatic pastor who delivered all these powerful sermons about life, but I got so much more value out of the non-theologic parts of his sermon that I stopped believing in God. I saw how all the important parts -- loving my family, listening to my parents, taking pride in my heritage, having meaningful conversations, resisting temptation, being still -- were attached to a totally vestigial, evidence-free religious dogma I could easily jettison, and jettison I did. Or so the story goes.

The problem with this story is that it doesn't make any sense. The pastor (whom everyone loved, and who was a truly gifted speaker) structured his entire message around God, the importance of God, and how wonderful God was. Indeed, his whole point was that all that other stuff about loving your family or whatever was totally vestigial, and could be easily jettisoned if love of God wasn't also present. Why didn't I feel the weight of the essential core of his message as much as I felt the other parts? I have no explanation.

Furthermore, I know plenty of people -- people in my age group, with similar backgrounds, whom I still know today -- who were heavily impacted by that core message of God, who cite that guy's sermons as a key inspiration for their personal devotion to Jesus and to church, and who will tell my same story with the opposite outcome. Why did our paths diverge so radically?

I want to ascribe the divergence to something intelligible, but I can't. The truth is, there are probably thousands of minute factors -- genetic, environmental, stupid -- I'm not aware of. Maybe my personality meant I never had a chance of committing my life to Christianity from birth, or maybe I'm still a mere breath away from becoming a pastor myself. Maybe the peculiarities of the connections between my neurons caused me to interpret the pastor's mannerisms in a totally different way, or maybe I was too busy chewing an especially tough piece of fingernail to hear a crucial sentence that would've changed everything. There are whole reams of reasons why this massively impactful moment in my life could have broken the other way, and I regularly choose to ignore them. I exclude those details in service of telling a more logical narrative.

The same is true for other stories I tell: how I started liking rap music after listening to it on full blast in my teammate's car (many people, including friends of mine, got turned off of rap music precisely because its listeners blasted it on the street), how I never built a great relationship with my siblings because my dad was yelling at us all the time (there are tons of siblings for whom that sort of abuse is galvanizing rather than isolating), how I love writing because I love reading (some of my best friends are avid readers and readily admit to hating their own writing and avoiding the practice at all costs).

It's a lot easier to explain why something happened if you already know it happened. The stories we tell ourselves about our lives are not our lives; they are carefully manicured things, curated for purpose and plot through the darkly tinted lens of hindsight.

Stories are weird. They reside just beyond the uncanny valley of un-reality, contain just enough truth to deceive us into thinking they are all truth, when even the very best stories are but shadows of our indescribably rich and complex lives. But at the same time, stories are an essential component of the human experience. They are the only tool we can use to extract meaning from a sea of chaos. They are our only chance to share all the roiling complexity bubbling up within us, and in so doing, lighten our individual burdens. And so, even though they churn with all this subtle strangeness and false promise, stories are all we really have.

As I reflect back on last year, I can’t help but conceive of the year as a collection of stories. And I already know I'm going to assign a lot of meaning and purpose to those stories, and there are going to be logical cause-and-effect relationships and character motivations and (hopefully) bright throughlines in my reflections. I want to frame all those things appropriately. I don’t want to lose sight of the frailty and myopia of my own constrained perspective. And I'm hoping that after reading this, you’ll be able to frame all the stories you tell yourself with all the subtlety and caution they deserve.

“I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.” -Ecclesiastes 9:11

#stories #meaning

[e-lursts]

YOU'RE JUST BEING NICE, RIGHT? — MISTY QUIGLEY

﹙a continuation of my character ai bot. just felt the need to put this out for misty appreciation! ﹚

﹙also, it's my first time actually writing some sort of story, instead of just for bots soooo, it might be pretty sucky. i'm still learning, so i'm so sorry.﹚

synopsis : misty has long named herself the school's unofficial ugly duckling. the names written on her desk, paper balls thrown at her face, and the occasional taunts from peers made her believe as much. but somehow, someone out there saw past the flaws. maybe, just maybe, she can learn the same.

warnings : mild self-hate.

𓂃  ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ classroom 🧷

A picture of the Yellowjackets in Wiskayok High School always triggered a frenzy of each member's names spoken with a hint of worship.

They were unforgettable—them with their "since birth" charm.

There were Shauna's broody, doe-like brown pearls that melted ice. Lottie, the unattainable heiress gifted with athleticism and looks. And who could forget Jackie Taylor, the magnetic leader who collected admirers, despite being off the market?

The members' days wouldn't be complete without necks snapping just to get a glimpse of their endearing features, as if they were resurrected goddesses. For Misty, oh, she'd get lucky if one compliment even swung her way.

Everyone on the team was blessed with flawless skin—something she hadn't possessed since puberty hit her skin like a truck's next roadkill.

Replace the gushing blood with crimson blemishes, flattened body with hidden, protruding bumps from layers of bacteria, tire screeches with scars, and there goes a map of her face.

Thanks to acne and its aftermath companion.

Even now, seated amongst her peers, Misty's blonde head reveled away from the lesson at hand and delved deep into dangerous territory. Unspoken thoughts manifested into her surroundings, envy peering its ugly head around the corner.

Why don't I have skin like that? Misty thought as the clear-skinned dominated the classroom. Hell, even the ones who wore bags under their eyes like badges, heads sulking a grave hole into their desks, evaded puberty's punishments like a mere puddle.

Makeup freaks, the sleep-deprived, the sugar addicts—some of them held the rare power of being unaffected by blaring red pimples. Maybe they had a force field against acne.

She longed for that.

Longed not to loathe what she saw in the mirror, not to seek a convenient eraser anytime unwanted papules found home on her skin, and not follow the fad diets dedicated to clearing her skin.

She learned those were either bullshits or she didn't try hard enough. But another important lesson?

Life was unfair—her genetics were.

If only she could carve out that pretty girl's face at the front of the room, plaster it on top of hers, maybe life would be better. Pretty privilege, was it?

"May I use the bathroom?" The voice from the back of the room snapped her out of her reverie. With you rising from your seat, hand up and all with the age-old excuse useful for disruptions, attention manifested a spotlight at you in the form of glances swinging to your direction.

And with the teacher's nod, you were on your way, doing the normalized business suited for toiletry.

At your dismissal, everyone's gaze drooped back up and down to the board and their paper. Misty was the first. No one expected anything remarkable after your interruption, Misty certainly didn't.

Her determined pencil focused on the marked notes painting the whiteboard, drowning your daunting steps about to pass her seat. Education was the one realm that made her feel valued, accomplished, smart.

Just brains without beauty.

Then whooshing air passed by, and a note fluttered on her desk—you had dropped it.

Her pencil froze mid-stroke as she took a deep breath, bracing for impact.

Would this be another critique targeting her imperfections? Another insult added to the mountainous tally of words dragging her down?

Just another avalanche of mockery she'd have to bear like permanent marker scrawled on her desk with names making God frown?

Unfolding it, she steeled herself for yet another verbal dagger aimed at her self-esteem, another blow, and then saw—

You're pretty.

Misty's blue eyes widened.

Was this a joke or a rare moment of genuine kindness? A prank? Where was the punchline, the cameras, the clown?

But she can't deny the pounding of her heart ringing in her ears, the tugging at her lips that managed to reach her eyes.

It ignited something new, something profound:

Hope.

She once thought hanging a picture of the equipment manager, her, would cue the cricket silence. Silence that made a library rowdy.

But maybe, somewhere in the crowd, she'd hear her name, loud and proud, spoken with adoration, just like those chants fans performed at the bleachers.

That, at seventeen, maybe she won't have to embrace the ugly duckling label. She'll no longer be a repulsive toy destined to be tucked away, left to gather dust alone.

That, finally, someone noticed her.

And you did.

"Did... you really mean to give this to me?" Misty asked the sender after class. One hand balled firmly around her bag's strap, while the other cradled the note without a crumple in sight.

It was treasure to her.

"I mean, you're sure you didn't mean to give this to someone else?"

"Yeah," you said with a sheepish smile, equally nervous. "It's for you, really."

That grin raised your cheeks, scattered with red blemishes like her own, and acne scars forming constellations on your skin. You were merely a face from a far, someone whose gaze possibly glazed over the back of her head. A peer she paid no mind to.

But, now, seeing you up-close made her see you in a different light. She wondered:

How can someone be this beautiful?

#yellowjackets imagines #misty quigley #elurstwriting #misty quigley x reader #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets fanfic #misty quigley x y/n #yellowjackets x you #yellowjackets x y/n #misty quigley x you

[espressodepressogirl]

It's been 3 years since I posted here but heeere we fucking go.

First off, holy shit the app has changed and after ten long fucking years they finally added a read more option into the app. About fucking time.

Anyway, existential crisis hours on deck.

Like all my blood tests are coming back as fucked as ever. Somehow my imaging said my liver is fine. Yay, I guess, but the whole area hurts like a mother fucker. I don't get how they excuse that shit, but I have to assume they're using statistics and it's likely I have a thinner rib cage than average, so even though my liver is on the larger end of acceptable it's just too large for what my body can accommodate. The tech that did it said she can see it's enlarged enough to impact my heart and breathing, but whoever officially signed off said it's okay. Who the fuck knows.

My bloodwork is as fucked as ever. Since the hepatitis came back negative that's one issue that's knocked off the list, but my levels they're monitoring are so fucked. So far I'm coming up negative for illnesses that can be tested for, but that leaves no answers for how I got here. My strongest guess is that it's based on my medication, but aside from my mounjaro shot everything else was out of my system by the time I took my blood tests.

Also I don't even know if this is necessarily based on my medication. The meds I was given are standards for my situation. Mounjaro to help the pre diabetic symptoms and weight loss, metformin for blood sugar, birth control pills to prevent cramping, and spironolactone to act as an androgen blocker. All super standard to take together for PCOS. I don't necessarily understand how they could have lead to these issues. At most maybe the metformin since I had a back reaction to another version, but who fucking knows.

The doctors are just releasing all my test results to me without talking to me first. I just keep seeing all the bad shit and I'm wondering why they aren't calling me or giving me a heads up. Right now I'm captain of the Google team trying to see what's possibly going on. All I can really gain is that I either have fatty liver issues, an infection of some sort that's not been available through a blood test, super lactic acidosis from the metformin, or non drinking based cirrhosis. All of which I have no idea how to address. The metformin one should have been resolved already since the body metabolizes it out in a few days, so my tests on 7/14 shouldn't have been worse than 7/5 when I stopped taking metformin on 7/7.

Aside from the cause, which is basically a null point, I don't know what to do. I feel as shitty as ever all the time. It feels like my organs are trying to burst out of my rib cage on the right side and I can't fucking breathe. On top of that I'm an emotional mess. Anything and everything sets me off and I don't know if it's the stress or what.

I'm so mad. I'm mad at my parents for never giving a shit about my health since I was a kid. I'm mad at my mom for prioritizing her desire to avoid doctors over my wellbeing. I'm mad that when she got over that bs it was only for herself so I could play nurse maid for her. I'm mad that I couldn't afford to go to the doctor on my own for years. I'm mad that my body has failed me despite my best efforts. I'm mad I wasn't just born normal. I'm mad I was so neglected that no one cared. I'm mad that I've watched my life pass by. I'm mad that I've come last in every close irl relationship I've ever had. I'm mad that I haven't experienced true happiness in years. I'm mad about my lack of love life. I'm mad that my genetic issues made me so ugly and fucked up. I'm just mad that I can't fucking win no matter how hard I try.

I just wanted a basic, normal life for a woman. So a bit of college, work, get married, live with my husband and have a happy, modest life. I didn't want much, I never asked for anything if I couldn't do it myself. I don't know what I did wrong to not deserve that. I don't understand what else God or the fates want out of me. To die? Alone and unloved? Surrounded by my parents that couldn't have cared about me in the first place? Worst of all is that aside from my parents I only have two friends. Neither can see me. I'm stuck rotting in their house just slaving at schoolwork on the off chance I make it through and I don't want GPA to be bad. I wish I wasn't such a try hard and could just relax, but I can't even chill out if I tried. My professors will not excuse my work and give me an incomplete to finish later. I can't sit still if someone does something for me because my mother raised me to be her caretaker rather than my mother taking care of me. Wild concept that me, with fucking liver failure to the point my doctor doesn't know how I'm alive, is having to rush around my mother to cook and clean when I'm here to be on bed rest in the first place.

I wish I wasn't stuck here, but I'm sort of trapped. My parents won't leave me alone and I know it's because they care. It's just very much too little too late. Where were these fucks they had to give when allllll this shit began in spring of 2013? Why did they not care when I told them I was throwing up at least once a day just a week ago? Suddenly they care. I have to assume it's because I'm their meal ticket. I have a feeling they only agreed to help put me through college again for the sake of cashing out when I finish and get to working since that's about the time dad retires. Can't have their meal ticket dying on them, I guess.

Makes me so frustrated. I lived my whole life for them. I did everything for them, to make them happy and proud. I drove myself crazy and to misery for them. Every social expectation they had I live up to. Every task they asked I completed. And for what? To live my life as their little puppet? I hate it. I've been disciplined so hard by those fuckers that I lived in Stockholm syndrome for my whole life. Even all these years later I won't be free, I don't think I would have ever been free unless they or I die. Whichever comes first.

Also I'm so fucking tired of my forever existial crisis of dying alone. And before now it's been a hint of sarcasm, like I had at least another 40 years to find someone, so like I would have hated living my life solo but it was an option. I don't even know if I'll have that option. It's such low hanging fruit of a goal as well. Just wanting a partner that genuinely loves me seems to be asking for too much. Really, really burns my tits when I try to talk to anyone. It's always "one day you'll meet someone" or "it'll happen when you least expect it" but it's always coming from people who are either in relationships or don't want one. Like of course that's easy to say, you don't know where I'm coming from. You don't know what it's like to live your whole adult life watching yourself get uglier and uglier. You don't know what it's like to insulted mid sex or find out how much your ex can't stand you. I can't even sleep around for fun to fix the void. I'm fucking demi as hell, I literally can't get turned on unless I feel something and I'm not so delusional to fall for a one night stand. On top of that it's no longer an option, I'm just stuck in pain from sitting, I highly doubt being jostled around during sex would be comfortable, much less pleasurable.

I'm disappointed looking back at my life. I have nothing to show for my whole existence. As an artist I've created nothing. I've never worked anything but dead end jobs. I couldn't even finish a real degree before my 30s. I have no family of my own, not even a boyfriend that lasts more than a few months. I can't even make more than two friends. I'm not even good at my hobbies. There's no goals and no dreams, I didn't even plan to live this long in the first place. I don't even have a purpose.

Is this all my life is? Mediocrity? What even was all this for? Why did I have to suffer all this time? Why was I even born? Is my life even worth the resources to continue it? Do I even want to get better? Would the world be better off without me?