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amispnrewatch · 3 years

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SPN 1x06 “Skin”

Okay, I’m gonna try to type while I watch this time instead of forgetting this blog exists until the episode is almost over.

You can tell the footage for the previously on segment was saved on a VHS copy instead of the original film that the show was shot with because even in the HD iTunes version I have it looks low quality as fuck. And jumpy in the way that brings me back to my teens watching the WB all the damn time.

I love this song. WTF is this song. Shazam says “Good Deal” by Mommy and Daddy. I… have no comment, except that it sounds like everything I was listening to in college at the time this shit was airing.

Aaaaand not!Dean turns around to face the SWAT team after obviously torturing some woman. THAT is a cold open.

I wanna know what that car is in the background. It’s pretty. Maybe a convertible Impala? They have similar grills. This is not at all important.

Also, I love that with these higher definition versions of the episodes you can see that Sam’s email is lawboy and whatever dot com and that people in the fandom have started calling him Law Boy. It’s hilarious.

DEAN: Well, what exactly do you tell ‘em? You know, about where you’ve been, what you’ve been doin’?

SAM: I tell ‘em I’m on a road trip with my big brother. I tell ‘em I needed some time off after Jess.

DEAN: Oh, so you lie to ‘em.

SAM: No. I just don’t tell ‘em….everything.

DEAN: Yeah, that’s called lying. I mean, hey, man, I get it, tellin’ the truth is far worse.

SAM: So, what am I supposed to do, just cut everybody out of my life? (DEAN shrugs.) You’re serious?

DEAN: Look, it sucks, but in a job like this, you can’t get close to people, period.

Aaaaand now I have Dean and Cassie feelings again and we haven’t even gotten to her episode yet.

SAM: No, man, I know Zack. He’s no killer.

DEAN: Well, maybe you know Zack as well as he knows you.

Aaaaaand now I have Dean and Lee feelings and we’re nowhere near Lee’s episode in season 15.

YOU JUST BLEW THROUGH A STOP SIGN DEAN WTF.

Little Becky. Oi with the reusing of names.

Of course Sam made friends with a bunch of rich kids while he was at college in a desperate attempt to try to be normal.

SAM: You know, maybe we could see the crime scene. Zack’s house.

DEAN: We could.

REBECCA: Why? I mean, what could you do?

SAM: Well, me, not much. But Dean’s a cop. (DEAN laughs.)

DEAN: Detective, actually.

I love that Dean was like “how dare you call me that.”

Okay, after a bit of research, I totally want to take a day trip to Bisbee, Arizona, but it’s already in the 90s here in the desert and it’s not even May so that trip is going to have to wait until… winter or something. There is no way in hell I’m going deeper into the desert when the weather gets hotter.

It’s a historic mining town tourist trap looking place now which is exactly the kind of shit I love.

SAM: Bec, look, I know Zack didn’t do this. Now, we have to find a way to prove that he’s innocent.

I mean, not technically, technically you would 1) NOT FUCK WITH A MURDER INVESTIGATION YOU’RE NOT LEGALLY INVOLVED IN BECAUSE ANYTHING YOU FIND WOULD BE INADMISSABLE IN COURT 2) find evidence to provide a reasonable doubt for the jury that he did commit the crime. You know, like a lawyer would need to do, Law Boy.

DEAN: I just don’t think this is our kind of problem.

When I made my husband watch this show with me (he’s seen it all at least once now over the years) this is the recurring thing that drove him crazy.

You guys can’t even go in through the back door? Or shut the front door behind you? Really?

REBECCA: (tearfully) Well, there’s no sign of a break-in. They say that Emily let her attacker in.

Yeah, that doesn’t even really mean that she knew her attacker. Just that it was someone she let her guard down around or got in some other way. See: The Son of Sam and Nightstalker, etc.

Love the pinup magnet on the fridge. I’d throw shade at that, but I have a pinup magnet on my fridge too so… pot kettle and all that.

Okay, both people in the next couple are gorgeous.

And oh wow those special effects changing eyes… wow.

This poor couple. I feel so bad for them in this episode.

How… how are the police gonna explain the way he was able to beat himself over the head with a bat??? I…

I love that 5:30 in the morning on TV is clearly like… 10 AM.

Okay, this is a really unrelated point, but the graffiti on the dumpster here reminds me of the Teen Wolf fandoms use of the name Void!Stiles when Stiles Stilinski was possessed by a Nogitsune… I just spent way too long digging through YouTube and my Tumblr tags from back when those episodes were airing looking for a few specific videos and couldn’t find them. The TL;DR reason I bring it up here is goofball, bi-coded main character guy getting possessed by an entity set on destroying the people he loves. SOUNDS LIKE THIS EPISODE AND A WHOLE LOT OF SPN RIGHT. I love that all these monster hunting shows call out to each other.

This scene haunts me years later and I don’t even WATCH Teen Wolf. I just watched the fandom on Tumblr collectively lose it’s shit then tripped down a Hale Pack fanfiction rabbit hole.

ANYWAY

Back to Supernatural, a show that also treated its fan base, cast, and characters like garbage! Huzzah!

DEAN: Well, there’s another way to go—down. (They look down and notice a manhole.)

I’m gonna be mature and ignore the double entendre there…

But I love that Dean thinks of the world in 3D. Which sounds like a dumb statement to make, but this is honestly a good example of that in action.

SAM: I bet this runs right by Zack’s house, too.

Really Sam, sewers run by houses? SO WEIRD. I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED.

DEAN: You know, I just had a sick thought. When the shapeshifter changes shape—maybe it sheds.

SAM: That is sick. (DEAN puts the bloody pile back on the ground.)

Guys, there is a WHOLE ASS EAR in that pile of yuck you’re looking at. I think it’s pretty safe to assume the shapeshifter indeed sheds its skin like a snake. A much… gooier snake.

Sam’s friend is rightfully pissed at him for fucking with the crime scene.

This is before the pearl gripped guns?! Wow. I never noticed that before.

Also, this whole episode gives me feelings.

++++

Cool. Tumblr mobile ate a whole section of my notes on this when it crashed for NO APPARENT REASON. Love that.

It always boggles my mind that actors can trust the people they’re working with enough to let people “tie” ropes around their neck or put them in actually dangerous positions in a scene.

SHAPESHIFTER: He’s sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home. With Dad. You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?

SAM: Where is my brother? (The shapeshifter leans in close to SAM.)

SHAPESHIFTER: I am your brother. See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me. (He backs away.)

SAM: What are you talkin’ about?

SHAPESHIFTER: You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. No explanation, nothin’, just poof. Left me with your sorry ass. But, still, this life? It’s not without its perks. (He laughs.) I meet the nicest people. Like little Becky. You know, Dean would bang her if he had the chance. Let’s see what happens. (He smiles and covers SAM with a sheet.)

This exchange is just… so much. So many feelings. And I will forever (unless we magically get a fix-it fic mini season someday…) be SO MAD that none of this got resolved in that pointless, trash heap of a finale.

REBECCA: Okay, so, this thing—it can make itself look like anybody?

SHAPESHIFTER: That’s right. (She chuckles.)

REBECCA: Well, what is it, like a genetic freak? (The shapeshifter laughs.)

SHAPESHIFTER: Maybe. Evolution is about mutation, right? So, maybe this thing was born human but was different. Hideous and hated. Until he learned to become someone else. (REBECCA looks around, uncomfortable. The shapeshifter’s eyes glint silver, and he smiles.)

It always amazes me how much of this show is a pile of accidental queer allegories parading around in an ill-fitting toxic masculinity suit.

Vulcan mind meld! I love nerd!Dean. Also, I’m rewatching Star Trek: TOS with my husband, because that is what my life amounts to these days, rewatching comfort TV and flailing over the bits I love.

This post does a better job than I can do of pairing up screen caps with the dialogue of this next scene. SIX EPISODES IN. They’re dumping all of this character depth SIX EPISODES IN. FUCK THIS SHOW FOR NOT EMBRACING ITSELF.

Okay, I love that he screams back in her face after he threw the phone. It’s not something to laugh at because the situation is horrifying, but I can’t help laughing at it every time.

AND THE WAY THEY CUT THESE SCENES. Going from him winding his hand back to backslap her directly to him dropping the chains on the table to show how hard he must have hit her without actually making the actors hit each other. Good job editing department!

I… don’t understand the shifter’s motivation for killing people. If he can take over people’s identities without killing them, why kill them? Is it just because he’s a homicidal, rapist piece of shit? Cause that’s all it seems like.

How did the SWAT team even know she was being attacked? Why can the snipers aim no better than Storm Troopers?

Ugh, these kind of transformation body horror scenes are exactly why werewolf stories have never really appealed to me much. Like, I could do without watching your ribs move and teeth fall out, dude.

BUT.

THIS FUCKING SCENE.

I looked up the song that’s playing over shapeshifter!Dean being caught by the SWAT team and then going through the grotesque transformation. (And as far as I know, the iTunes version has the original music from the episodes.)

It’s a song called “Mary” by The Death Riders

Who's your mother, who's your mother here boy // Who's your mother, whos your mommy dear // Who's your father, who's your father here boy // Who's your father, who's your daddy dear

Silently screaming // Where everyone knows // Daddy's always watchin' // Where everywhere - everywhere I go

I don't wanna be a freak show pretty boy anymore // I don't wanna be a full time slave // I don't wanna be your midnight cowboy anymore // I just want to be Mary

This is… a fascinating choice. Here are the rest of the lyrics. The song as a whole has a weird incesty kinda vibe to it? Kinda like when SPN tries to straight-wash itself and misses the mark wildly. (Like Dean’s male siren episode.)

The midnight cowboy line reminded me of 12x11 and the bull riding scene with “Broomstick Cowboy” by Bobby Goldsboro playing over it

Dream on, little Broomstick Cowboy, // Dream while you can; // Of big green frogs, // And puppy dogs, // And castles in the sand.

For, all too soon you'll awaken; // Your toys will all be gone. // Your broomstick horse will ride away, // To find another home. // And you'll have grown into a man, // With cowboys of your own. // And then you'll have to go to war, // To try and save your home.

And then you'll have to learn to hate; // You'll have to learn to kill. // It's always been that way, my son; // I guess it always will.

Because, you know, why not add tons of feelings into the lyrics, right?

Props to the people who can embrace their rewatches and reclamations of the show with ease. Because every episode seems to remind me of how hollow and tragic Dean’s ending was and I just… struggle all over again.

Anyway, back to the episode so I can move on with my day.

REPORTER: An anonymous tip led police to a home in the Central West End, where a S.W.A.T team discovered a local woman bound and gagged. Her attacker, a white male, approximately twenty-four to thirty years of age, was discovered hiding in her home. (A sketch of DEAN appears on the screen.)

DEAN: Man! That’s not even a good picture. (SAM looks around cautiously.)

SAM: It’s good enough. (He walks away.)

DEAN: Man! (He follows SAM.)

(CUT TO: Alley. DEAN and SAM are walking. DEAN steps into a puddle.)

DEAN: Ugh, come on.

I love that we get two tiny little back-to-back vanity moments for Dean here. One commenting on the sketch artist rendition of him being broadcasted on the news and the other tripping in the puddle. There is literally someone running around the city trying to kill people while wearing Dean’s face, but Dean is still concerned with how he looks appears to others. He’s still concerned with keeping up his own performance. The shifter left him with just a t-shirt, so he doesn’t even have his usual comfort layers on and at any moment someone could spot him and call the police or try to kill him for assaulting Sam’s friend. His life is wildly out of control in that moment and the only thing he can try to focus on is his appearance (something semi-controllable) and finding the shifter before any of that other shit can happen.

One day I want to put together a like top 10 episodes focusing on / explaining each TFW character from the series. Like the kind of list you could show someone who’s never seen the show, but has OPINIONS about the characters (or who hasn’t seen the whole show and seen the growth they went through… you know, like the people responsible for the travesty of 15x20). This episode would be on that list. I’m not sure how I could manage to make a list of only 10 episodes to understand Dean Winchester by, but eh.

SAM: What are you gonna do to me?

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, I’m not gonna do anything. Dean will, though.

SAM: They’ll never catch him.

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, doesn’t matter. Murder in the first of his own brother? He’ll be hunted the rest of his life. (He picks up a sharp knife and examines it.)

Speaking of season 15 in general, this right here. This was Chuck’s villain story arc thesis statement. AND THEY DROPPED THE GODDAMN BALL WITH IT. I think that’s the thing that honestly pisses me off the most these days (about 5 1/2 months from when the finale aired) is that they tried making the whole thing a tragedy but did such an awful job with it that it just ended up like a deflating condom balloon at a dive bar concert. Disappointing and gross. The finale for season 14 set them up SO FUCKING WELL and it just… didn’t get there.

Becky’s parents are gonna be pissed at how torn up their house is after all this shit…

And you’re not shooting him when you first see him strangling Sam because…?????

I like that he took the necklace back. Also, is this kinda Dean death number .5 of the show? Like it wasn’t him but it was also kinda him. Eh.

At least they left the windshield on Baby this time. Reflections are better than tearing her apart.

#SPN 1x06 #amispnrewatch #reclaiming spn #performing!dean #lawboy #bi!dean #dean x cassie #dean x lee #stiles stilinski #void!stiles #teen wolf #dean deserved better

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imagines-r-s · 4 years

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Ocean’s Rise, Empires Fall

summary: you didn’t want your father’s death to be your downfall, but for the longest time it seemed like it was going to be to you and everyone else around you

taglist: @mdlyncline(send me an ask to be added to any of my taglists)

wc: 2.7k

a/n: kinda threw canon out the window, but nonetheless, i proceed. basically, clint and nat both survive- it doesn’t really check out but uh yolo

warnings: pretty angsty. very angst actually. there’s a description of depressive episodes so if that’s triggering please be cautious loves, mention of death

mentions of peter parker x stark!reader, but mostly avengers x reader (platonically)

When your dad snapped his fingers, he might have saved the world, but he destroyed yours. He obviously had no intention of doing so, he was just saving the world. You always knew your dad thought that he hadn’t done anything right in life, so you easily assumed that he thought this was his last shot.

Tony wasn’t even aware of your existence until you were about four years old, but once he did find out he knew that he had to change his ways. When he did find out him and your mom came to an agreement for custody where he would see you every other week and every other holiday.

What you didn’t know was that your mom had told Tony about you because she knew she only had a few years left with you, having been diagnosed with cancer a year before she had you meet Tony. She didn’t want you to be dropped off at some random man’s house and be expected to call him dad.

She never had anything against Tony, he hadn’t done anything bad to her, she just figured with everything else going on in his life, he didn’t need a child to add onto that-boy was she wrong. When Tony met you the first time, his whole perspective on life changed. He wanted to be a good person for you, obviously, he wanted to for Pepper too, but he realized either way you would look up to him and you needed someone good in your life.

He quickly noticed that you were just as intelligent as he was and the two of you bonded a lot through working in his lab. He made you do homeschool, considering how advanced you were and that if anyone knew that you were his daughter, you could easily be in danger.

Tony didn’t hide anything from you, you were aware of the Avengers and that he was Iron Man, much to Pepper’s dismay. Considering that you grew up with all the Avengers, all of them thought of you as their own. You would always help your dad with upgrades to suits and the two of you even started on your own suit at one point.

After the events that took place with Aldrich Killian, your parents were more adamant about your safety; making you train with Steve and Nat, finishing up your suit, and keeping more tabs on you. You understood, but it was still too much, which led to you starting to sneak out more.

Although your dad had many regulations on your suit, you were still smart enough to be able to override them, that’s why you were able to leave the tower in your suit so easily. As you were flying over New York, you caught glimpse of a blue and red form also moving through the air. “FRIDAY, scan the area for any heat signatures.”

“Sure thing, Miss Stark,” the A.I responded before doing what you had asked. Whoever was flying was found easily, and you followed them until they stopped on top of a building. Expecting some sort of suit, you were surprised to see someone who looked to be about your age, wearing a homemade jumpsuit and mask, “what are you supposed to be? The outfit is kinda wack, not gonna lie,” he hadn’t expected anyone else on top of the building, so when he looked over and saw you in your suit flying beside the building, he was shocked.

“You’re asking me that when you’re the one flying at the edge of a building?” you could tell he was your age by the way his voice cracked. Opening the suit to be able to step out, you stood by yourself on the roof of the building, “there. Is that better?”

“Oh, uh-uh, yeah. Is that Stark tech? Oh my god, you’re- you’re his daughter?”

“Aw, so smart.”

“What are you doing here?” he asked. You simply shrugged, “Just disappointing my father, what about you, I never caught your name?”

“It’s Pete... Peter. My name is Peter,” he said, purposefully lowering his voice. “My name’s y/n,” you mocked his fake lower voice, “So how do you do that exactly?”

“What? Swing?” you simply nodded your head, “oh, well, I was like bitten by this radioactive spider, and then all these cool things started happening. Like I’m stronger than I was before, I have quicker reflexes, etc.”

“So, you got the qualities of a spider, is what you’re saying basically?”

“Uh, yeah. Well, when you put it like that, the explanation is shorter,” you simply nodded once again. “So, Petey, what’s your superhero name? You obviously attempted a superhero look, but failed miserably.”

“Uh, spiderman? I haven’t really thought of it.”

“You’ve put a lot of thought into it, haven’t you?” he shyly nodded, “haha, well, you have the name, you have the missions or ‘civilians’ to rescue yet?”

“I just stay around my neighborhood, for the most part, you know friendly neighborhood type beat.”

“That’s honestly really cool, looking out for the underdog that not many think to save immediately, I get it. It’s cool. Do you have a phone?”

“Uh, yeah, you want it, Stark?”

“Well, I know you want mine, Parker,” his eyes widened at the sound of his last name, “yes, I knew your name before I asked you.” He slowly nodded in response, handing you his phone to add your number, “so, what do you look like under that mask?”

“Oh, hold on,” as you watched him remove his mask, you smirked as his floppy brown hair fell over his face before he had the chance to move it up, “Oh, you’re cute, Parker. Well, you have my number, so text me. Gotta go.”

You quickly left before he had an opportunity to respond to you. Leaving him with your number and the hope that he would see you again.

Peter had texted you shortly after, leading to the start of an amazing friendship. The two of you started teaming up more and more, which caused your dad to find out about your sneaking out, but it helped him with his discovery of the Spiderling. You two were a duo that no one wanted to mess with and it was that way for the next few years, up until Thanos attacked.

You like to think that Thanos caused everything in your life to be messed up, but there were so many things contributing to your downfall: the Accords breaking your family apart, not seeing said family for years, Infinity War, losing the person you were in love with but too scared to tell, losing your family after they had reconnected for the first time in such a long time, your dad being lost in space, the five years, getting everyone back, and then losing your father.

Although a lot of good things came from all of that, you refused to think about the positives. Everyone tried to help you out of whatever was going on in your head, but no one could help, not even Peter.

For the first time in your life, you were fearful. Fearful that another bad thing would happen. Fearful that you would lose more people. Fearful that you might self destruct, too.

Pepper had tried her best to help, but she was also grieving. Peter was, too. Morgan didn’t understand. The whole team was sinking, but they worked so hard to keep you afloat.

Bucky and Sam were trying to get you back into training, but anytime you went, you were hurting yourself more than anything else. Nat and Clint tried to get you back into your suit, but it had stayed in its case since the day Tony died. Wanda had tried to get in your head and help, it was a last resort, but she was hopeful. Banner tried to get you back into the lab. Steve and Rhodey were both well aware of how similar you were to your dad, so he simply kept a distance while keeping you away from things that would hurt you more in the end. Even Coulson tried to help by showing you his Captain America trading cards.

But nothing they did worked.

None of them gave up, but they were all losing hope that they would be able to get any aspect of you back to your old self. They knew that you were simply winding up to self destruct with all these bottled up emotions, and they didn’t want it to go terribly wrong.

You hadn’t cried since the day he died. You felt terrible for not going to most of the funeral, but people understood. You felt like a disappointment knowing that you weren’t there for the people that needed you most. The completely abandoned them from such close proximity, any other time you would have found that statement funny, but know it just made you feel worse.

When it hit a year since the funeral, you knew you either had to get up now or you’d slip deeper down the rabbit hole. For the first time in a long time, you got up from bed and you were able to take a shower. You combed out your hair, detangling out the knots. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make you feel good at that moment.

You felt a little bit more like yourself again, it wasn’t much but you’d take it. You had started walking towards the kitchen of the compound when you heard one of the doors in the hallway open. Looking down towards the hallway, you saw Morgan leaving her room. “Morgan, you ok?”

��Yeah, I just wanted a juice pop,” she said smiling up at you. “That’s an idea I can get behind, c’mon let’s go.”

As the two of you were eating the juice pop, you hadn’t noticed that your family had crowded around the kitchen watching the two of you. Peter had woken up a little bit later than everyone else, but he saw that they were all crowded in the hallway, “guys, what’s going on?”

“y/n’s up and is laughing with Morgan,” Pepper said. Peter quickly turned the corner to see for himself, when he saw the two of you he smiled. He was so happy to see you up for the first time on your own since everything went down.

“You know that I can see all of you guys right there, right?” you said, after seeing the crowd of people in the corner. They all slowly emerged from the corner. “Yeah, we aren’t that small of a bunch are we?” Bruce stated to which you simply shook your head in response.

“It’s nice to see you up, doll,” Bucky said, kissing you on the top of your head. “Yeahhh, uh, I knew I needed to get up eventually, I guess. I don’t know.”

“Hey, take all the time you need. Don’t stress about us, y/n,” Sam said.

-----------------------

For the next few weeks, you eased back into everything. You started eating more, you got back to a kinda regular sleep schedule, you started training in small amounts, but still wouldn’t go down to your and your dad’s shared lab.

It didn’t take you long to realize that even when some superheroes take time off, the bad guys never stop. Which was the reason why the team had been trying to talk you back into getting into your old suit. “C’mon, y/n, please, we need you. Your dad’s tech is what we need. Please,” Steve said.

“Well see here’s the thing, it’s a dead man’s tech that hasn’t been used in a year, I don’t think it’ll help much,” you said pacing the livingroom. You didn’t want to bring the team down, but you weren’t getting back into your old suit.

“y/n. Listen, HYDRA is planning an attack and we don’t know exactly when it will happen, but it’s happening tomorrow, please. Think about what your dad would have wanted,” you drew the line at him mentioning Tony.

“My dad wouldn’t want some arrogant asshole to be trying to make me do something with his tech that I don’t feel comfortable doing yet. If you cared, you’d respect that. Now, talk to Peter or Banner, I’m sure they can figure something out.” with that last statement you walked away towards your room.

You had a few moments to yourself before you heard a knock on your door, “y/n/n, it’s me.” You recognized Peter’s voice anywhere, “you can come in.”

“Are you ok?”

You simply nodded when you realized you were tearing up. No one had asked how you felt, simply because they assumed that you didn’t want to hear the question. “Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay,” he said before wrapping his arms around you. “Love, it’s okay. Let it out.”

You weren’t sure how long you had been wrapped up in Peter’s arms, but he held you tight as you cried through this moment. Everything you had bottled up was finally coming out. All the walls you had built in the past year were breaking.

“Pete, I can’t help. You have to understand that I want to, but I just can’t go down to the lab and help. I can’t. And Steve expects me too and he said that dad would have wanted me to help and I just- I just don’t know what to do.”

“I think you have to trust your gut with this one. If you can’t go through with it, then don’t force yourself. Tony wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.”

You simply nodded at the boy in front of you, “I’ve missed you, Sunshine.” He grinned after hearing the nickname he hadn’t heard in so long from you. “I missed you, too, Starlight.”

----------

Somehow a newscast had gotten to the fight, it wasn’t in a private place, so you weren’t surprised to see the cameras angled at your boyfriend and your family. Everyone was being taken out, one by one.

Sam, Bucky, Nat, Peter, and Steve were the last few still standing, but you could see how worn out they were. You thought about how you could help and there was only one valid option, you just didn’t know if you wanted to go through with it. Correction, you didn’t know if you could go through with it.

You made your way downstairs, stopping right in front of the lab that still looked exactly the same. “Miss Stark, it’s good to see you again,” you head the familiar A.I say. “It’s good to see you too, J.”

Slowly taking in the room in front of you, you slowly walked in. The familiar smell of your dad’s cologne still lingered in the air somehow. It wasn’t sad, it was just a bittersweet moment. “JARVIS, can you bring out Mark 85?”

“Of course, Miss Stark.” You smiled to yourself when you realized that Bruce had likely updated your suit.

The bracelets that went with the suit quickly clung to your body, giving you the opportunity to suit up with the click of the two bracelets. “Alright, JARVIS, play dad’s kick ass playlist.” The sound of AC/DC filled your ears as you made your way to help protect your family.

By the time you had gotten there, the HYDRA soldiers had the upper hand, but you knew if you came around unexpectedly they wouldn’t be able to do anything. You took the time to get the other models to get to where you were, that way you could surround them. You watched as the Avengers all smiled to themselves after realizing you were the one doing this.

The other models were able to disarm HYDRA, giving all the worn out Avengers to strike at them and get them to the right correctional facilities.

“y/n, you came,” Peter said, he was the only one that wasn’t completely out of breath at that. “Yes, yes. No need to thank me, I completely saved your asses back there,” you have a slight bow causing everyone to grumble.

“Man, you really are your father’s daughter,” Rhodey said. “And you love me for that, Rhodes, don’t even,” you said raising a brow.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker imagines #avengers #the avengers #bucky #natasha #clint #rhodey #tony stark x daughter!reader #peter parker angst #marvel angst #peter parker x y/n

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simplyshelbs16xoxo · 3 years

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'Madder Than a Hatter' Chapter 3: Running from the Madhouse

FFN | Ao3 | Buy Me a Coffee?

As soon as morning arrived, Hatter and Charlie set off, deep into the thicket of the woods. They were heading north for the untouched Wastelands. It originated from an even darker time in Wonderland’s history, hundreds of years before Hatter was born, decades before the first Alice of Legend tumbled down the rabbit hole. It was once called the Kingdom of Souls, ruled by a ruthless Queen who could make Mary Heart look like a helpless puppy. Her subjects were frightened of her, mad as she was. The White Queen in the southern region had aided in freeing the citizens, sending out armies to help them fight back.

Depending on who told the story, the Queen of Souls had either been strung up on the hanging tree or she escaped, never to be seen or heard from again. Hatter sincerely hoped it was the former. If she did find a way out, it could be possible for her to still be alive. Wonderlanders live much longer than otherworlders, though only if they remain here. Hours passed riding through the forest, and they finally came across a small lake. They stopped to let their horses drink and filled their own canteens with water.

“How much longer do you suppose it’ll be before we reach the Wastelands?” Hatter asked, taking a sip. He then removed his hat, sliding a hand through his hair.

Charlie paced around the area slowly, his hands posed as if ready to grab something. He was getting a feel of the area, not having been this far north before. He took a large intake of breath. “Galadoon…de boosh.” His eyes closed as he consulted with the Oracle. Though it was only seconds, it had felt like minutes, hours, to Hatter. “We should be there in no more than a day, Harbinger.”

A whole day. Twenty-four hours. Who knew what could happen to Alice in that time. He felt sick, his throat tightening with nausea. Even if she was still alive by the time they found her, would she even be Alice anymore? Maybe not, but at least her heart would still beat. Hatter would love her regardless. They just needed to get to her as quickly as possible. Though he wasn’t a praying man, Hatter prayed to the gods of old, asking them to protect her until he could take over for them. “Please,” he begged, “let her be alive.”

Locked from the outside, Alice wondered if one of the bobby pins in her hair would work. She quickly got to work on freeing herself from the dismal room. Screams continued to echo through the halls outside. Were they real? Or were they a hallucination? The water had been tampered with, its sole purpose to poison her mind. Eventually, she’d get a grip on reality—she hoped so, anyways.

A click sounded and she smiled like the Cheshire Cat. Slowly, she opened the creaking door, wincing at the sound and hoping no one heard it. Well, if anyone was actually here. Alice was beginning to suspect that not all was as it seemed. It was bad enough she couldn’t remember how she got there. Even worse, she couldn’t remember the man who helped her in her dreams. But maybe that’s all he was—a dream. There wasn’t time to think of that now. She took a tentative step out into the hall, observing her surroundings. Whoever locked her up didn’t appear to be around and neither was the one who brought her food, pills, and water.

The sound of a saw cutting through bone reverberated in the walls. The asylum would be a bit difficult to navigate with a semi-dense fog impairing her sight. Someone’s unsettling laughter sent chills down her spine. Alice took a deep breath, plunging herself down the hall to her right, amongst the fog and the shadows. She kept her back to the wall, her hands feeling around for corners to go around. Slowly she crept, making sure to not creak the wooden floors too much. Her fingers made contact with a metal handle and the entire door shook, the sound of fists pounding on it causing her to nearly jump out of her skin.

“Screw this,” she panted, quickly making her way down and around. There was an elevator just across the way. Alice took a quick glance in every direction before sprinting towards it, pressing the button. Footsteps from afar caught her attention. She took shallow breaths as the sound grew louder. The elevator had yet to make it down to her. Listening as the steps grew closer, louder, Alice prepared to fight, thankful she could at least remember that. The doors suddenly opened, ready for her to make her escape. Whoever the footsteps belonged to was now running and Alice frantically pressed the buttons to get the elevator doors to close. A resounding screech sounded as the doors shut and the lift began to move.

Soft whispers filled her head as she slowly moved down. There were so many voices; she couldn’t decipher a single word. Seeing she was almost to the ground floor, Alice began to breathe easier. And then she heard a snap. She was falling. Down, down, down until she crashed down on the basement floor.

Miraculously, she hadn’t been hurt. The doors still opened, revealing a dimly lit hall. An old rickety bed was positioned up against a wall. There was a trail of dried blood on the floor having probably seeped into the wood long ago. Old music was playing on a gramophone, echoing down the hall. Despite the distorted sound, Alice recognized the song as Sam Cooke’s ‘You Send Me.’ It gave her the creeps. Normally, a sane person wouldn’t follow a trail of blood, but Alice knew she had to. Either she would find answers or a way out. It was a risk she would just have to take.

Just outside the edge of the Wasteland Woods, Hatter and Charlie took a moment to prepare for the perilous journey that lie ahead. The branches swayed in a breeze they wouldn’t feel until they stepped foot in the darkness. The trees were beckoning them, whispering nonsense to lure them inside the thick canopy of limbs and dead leaves that still hung desperately to the wood. A creeping chill hung in the air, giving its possible next victims a taste of what’s to come. Slowly, on their horses, they crossed over into the unknown.

“You could always turn back ya know,” Hatter said, checking to see if Charlie was up for it. With a firm shake of the knight’s head, they continued through the thicket. It was unsettling just how silent it was, as if there were nothing outside of the Wastelands. A slight breeze came through, shaking the branches where it tore away a few crunchy leaves.

Charlie quietly sang his song, still keeping an ear out for Alice or any dangers lurking in the woods. There was a cry reverberating through the trees, setting their teeth on edge. “Was that…Alice?”

Not wanting to believe it, Hatter ignored the question. “Let’s keep going. We don’t stop until we reach the asylum. If we’re separated, the woods will win.”

And whatever lurked in the shadows, if anything, would surely be out to get them as well. It was important to remain diligent. Every whispering voice, every rustle of the trees had them a little jumpy. They dared not rush through despite wanting to get in and out as quickly as possible. For an hour they remained on their path before the singing began. The voice was powerful, the song haunting. It could be heard all throughout the woods.

“Harbinger…” Charlie said with a quiver in his voice. “Could that be”—he lowered his voice—“the Queen of Souls?”

Hatter took a deep breath. “Possibly. C’mon, then. Perhaps just a bit quicker, yeah?” As they picked up the pace, a figure popped in and out of the trees. Neither of them noticed they had been followed the entire time.

Alice traveled deeper into the asylum, underground and utterly alone. There had to be a way out of there. She turned the corner at the end of the hall. The trail of blood stopped. It looked almost as if someone had been dragged while bleeding out. A sound from further down alerted her. Someone was there. They were laughing wildly, crazed. Alice briefly considered turning back. Instead, she marched on, determined to break free. Down at the end of the hall, there was a tree growing through the floor. She looked down, just now realizing that the wooden floor had changed into dark grass. There was a pair of glowing yellow eyes nestled between the bare branches and a wide, illuminating smile.

“Which way to go, which way to go—up above or down below?” the mysterious figure sang. In spirals, it was revealed he was a cat with purple stripes, varied in different shades. “Though you have been drugged and kidnapped, the one thing you’re not is trapped. Quick! Through the hole, before she takes over the palace. Our only hope is Hatter and Alice.”

She furrowed her brows, curious over the creature. “I’m Alice, but I’m afraid I don’t remember much of the past few months. It comes in fragments, but not enough to make sense of anything. Who are you?”

The cat took hold of his ears with his tail and lifted them up like a top hat. “The Cheshire Cat, at your service.”

“Wonderland,” she mused. “I remember being here before—in this world, not the asylum. You said something about a hole…I don’t see one.”

The Cheshire grinned, looking up at a hole in the ceiling. “Up and over, in the hole; hurry along before the Queen takes your soul. Right you are on a forked path; choose quickly or face her wrath.”

A loud bellowing scream alerted Alice. She looked behind her. Nothing was there, but she could hear someone coming. “Cheshire,” she turned back to the tree, but he was gone. There was no time to spare. Alice climbed the tree to reach the hole in the ceiling. She pulled herself up and over into a solid tunnel. Crawling along as quickly as she could, Alice tried to see exactly where she needed to go. It was terribly dark. She continued to go along the narrow path until her hands slipped at the edge of another hole, and she screamed as she fell into the darkness.

#syfy alice #madder than a hatter #my fanfiction

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thran-duils · 4 years

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Devils Look Like Angels (Ch. 14)

Title: Devils Look Like Angels (Chapter 14) Summary: Fem!Reader x Psychotic!Castiel. An unhinged, criminal, supernatural artifact collector extraordinaire… and the reader caught his eye. It will not take her long to realize that beneath the charm and mystique is a crazed killer who will go to great lengths to woo her. Words: 2,967 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Stalking, angst, death/murder, violence

Author’s Note: I know it’s typically Mondays but I couldn’t wait. lmao ~~FINAL PART~~ please note MUCH ANGST and DEATH

Chap 13 || Masterpost || Fanfic masterpost

The radio silence was more unbearable than Castiel trying to reach out and connect with you. No texts. No calls. No letters. No gifts. It is what you had wanted, but now that it had come to pass, you were more on edge than ever before. Too afraid to reach out yourself – not that you wanted to really do that… to give him any indication you were not serious. You spent the days fretting about what he was planning. Or if he was planning anything at all. You may have angered him enough that he never wanted to see you again. There was no way to be sure where he was at mentally now.

You refused to leave the bunker once more. After you had told them the extent of Castiel’s frustration at your rejection, Sam and Dean were afraid to leave too. But still, they had to leave. You all agreed two was better than going alone, so they went together. Holing up in the bunker alone set your anxiety off every time until they came back through the door.

And one night, they did not come back.

After the first hour, you texted them asking what the hold up was. After the second hour, you texted again, pacing nervously. Immediately, you pressed call when they did not respond within a few minutes. Both calls went to voicemail and you left messages for both, demanding that they call you back as soon as they got the message.

A couple more hours passed, more texts and calls going unanswered. When you noticed your stomach growling, you made a sandwich, all the while obsessively checking your phone. You could not distract yourself. You knew what was wrong. You felt it like a rock in the pit of your stomach. You just could not bring yourself to make the call.

He did it for you and you answered after the first ring.

“Castiel?” you rasped.

“Hello, love. It is wonderful to hear your voice. I have missed it something fierce.”

Shakily, you asked, “Castiel, did you…”

You could not bring yourself to ask him outright.

“I have a game for you,” Castiel said lightly. “A tough one, my sweet, I admit. But it has to be done. For us. Come home, Y/N. I am still here. Contrary to your belief, the cops did not come looking. I wish you had trusted me on that. I would not willingly put you in danger.”

“Castiel, what did you do?”

He ignored your question, “You are expected by our guests. It will be a housewarming party to remember, you can count on that. I will see you soon, kitten.”

With a click, the line was disconnected.

You were out the door in a flash, fearing the worst for Dean and Sam.

<> <> <>

You were armed with your pistol you kept in the lockbox underneath your seat in the car. In your rush, you had not been able to arm yourself with concealed knives, but this would have to do. Castiel would probably be unhappy you had come with it but frankly, you did not care. He had your family held hostage. At least that is what you had to keep telling yourself to prevent you from going to deep down the rabbit hole. If he had already done something worse…

The hours it took to get to your destination dragged despite how fast you were driving. When you finally arrived, you found the front door was unlocked. Gun raised, held tight in both hands, you moved through the large house, checking corners as you entered rooms.

Your foot on the first step towards the second floor caused a loud creak and you swore quietly to yourself. Gun raised again, you moved up the staircase, keeping your breath even. Opening each door was a rush, not knowing what to expect on the other side. The house was quiet, each room empty that you had come across so far.

You came to a stop in front of a set of double doors at the end of the hall. You took in a careful, deep breath and exhaled before opening the door.

Stepping into the master bedroom, you saw Dean and Sam handcuffed, gagged, and tied to two strong chairs before the open patio doors. The soft wind was moving the translucent white curtains, the fresh air circulating the room.

The guys reacted seeing you, yelling behind their gags, trying to break their bonds.

Looking to your sides, you made sure Castiel was not behind you before moving further into the room towards them.

“Are you alright?” you whispered.

“I am so happy you are here,” Castiel’s voice sounded as you simultaneously saw his movement from behind Sam and Dean. Aiming your gun up over their heads quickly, you were faced with him pointing a gun at you in return. He had stepped from the patio – which you had so stupidly neglected to make a priority to check before attempting to help Dean and Sam. And now you were paying for it.

Swallowing sharply, you kept your eyes and gun trained on him, waiting for him to act.

His lips broke into that all too familiar, charming smirk. “Well, this is quite arousing. Really gets the blood pumping, does it not, kitten?”

“Let them go.”

“No,” Castiel said, before adding with a chuckle. “Well, that certainly felt odd. Denying you something. First time for everything I suppose. No, they are staying where they are, and you are going to participate in this little exercise. But first… how do you like the room? We could redecorate if it is not to your liking.”

“I don’t give a damn about the room, Castiel.”

Cocking his head slightly, he sighed, “Still not keen on the settling down, I see. Fine, we can sell the house and figure out something else. Johnny did tell me I was being foolish when I told him I intended to stay here with you and passed the reins of the group to him yesterday. Apparently, he was correct. Perhaps he sensed you were a free spirit, which I can appreciate, obviously, me being me.”

“But of course,” Castiel exhaled loudly. “We can discuss that later. What we are here for is your liberation.”

Narrowing your eyes, you demanded, “What do you mean?”

Pointing between the boys, Castiel declared, “Liberation from them. I figured it out, kitten. How we can be together. You clearly do deep down –” you began to shake your head, but he pressed firmly. “No, do not do that. You do not have to lie anymore. To me or yourself. They are the whole problem. The thing that is holding you back from being with me. And more importantly, holding you back from becoming the pinnacle of the best version of yourself. You would be free without them.”

“They have to go,” Castiel shrugged, as if he was merely suggesting something as simple as choosing what to have for dinner. “You choose one to kill with your gun and I will utilize your bone knife gift in the best possible way I could imagine, and I will do away with the other.”

Shaking your head once more, tears pricked your eyes. You were terrified, trying to figure out how to get the three of you out of this situation. If you did not do what he asked, he might just kill you all. Or worse, he would kill Dean and Sam and leave you alive.

“Castiel, I cannot. You cannot ask me to do that. It is unfair.”

“What is unfair is you allowing yourself to be chained down and stifled because of your sense of obligation to stay with them. You do not owe them anything. You were the one who was smartest, saved them, probably more times than you can count. You are constantly dragged down by them and I wish to only help you find salvation.”

“Think of it, Y/N. We could have this place or wherever you want, just for us.” Castiel emphasized the last, his eyes flashing in excitement. He truly imagined a life with you, the two of you happy. “I am free now of my thugs – although we can always call on them if need be, if you want a somewhat misfit family – and you could be free of these two. We can have that and so much more because of it. With my skills and your wit, we can be unstoppable.”

He pleaded, “Do it. For us, kitten. It will be an easy cleanup on the hardwood and then we can move past this.”

There was intense fear in Sam and Dean’s eyes as you locked eyes with them. It was hard to speak, it felt like there was a lump the size of a golf ball in your throat. But you thought you had a plan, albeit a risky one, to try to get you out of here.

“Just one? I only have to choose one to die?”

Sam and Dean protested against their gags and you forced yourself to look away from them to stare Castiel down, ignoring their angered yells.

Castiel looked elated that you seemed to be agreeing to play along. “Yes. You only have to choose one to die.”

In a swift motion, you placed the barrel of the gun against your temple.

Castiel’s face immediately fell, shock painted on his features, while Dean and Sam only yelled louder, their protests muffled.

Lowering his own gun slightly, Castiel put his free hand out gingerly towards you. “Now… kitten… that is not –”

“You just said I had to choose one to die,” you stated firmly.

“I –”

“You said one.”

He shook his head, looking unnerved. “I meant them. You know this is not what I meant.”

“I asked you for clarification and you didn’t mention them this time. Am I wrong?”

Grinding his teeth, Castiel’s gaze was piercing. He stepped closer and you pressed the gun deeper into your skin. He stopped and let out a nervous chuckle, “Y/N, my sweet, let us not be rash here…”

You had caught him off guard, outsmarted him and his game.

“Please, Y/N. We should talk about this,” Castiel told you, looking as if he was breaking out into a cold sweat. You had never seen him lose his composure, but he clearly was now and was desperately trying to keep it under wraps. “I admit that you won that round. You found a loophole – you always, always impress me. But this is not…”

Not how he wanted it to go, you thought as he trailed off.

He took another step towards you timidly and you took one back. Clenching his jaw, he stilled again. “Y/N. We do not have to play anymore. This… it is not important. We can do something else. You and me. We do not have to play if you do not want to anymore.”

“I do want to, Castiel.” His chest was rising and falling quickly, watching you intently. “And you said one and I am ending this now.”

Suddenly, Castiel lunged at you and you reacted instantaneously, pulling your gun away from your head, and shooting him directly in the chest.

Time slowed, a gasp leaving your mouth, seeing him stumble to a stop. He was staring at you in disbelief, eyes squinted in confusion. Sluggishly, he turned his chin down, looking down at the blood that was beginning to trickle out of the hole in his chest. He brought his hand up, fingers brushing the blood, staring at it staining his gloves.

“One,” you whispered, tears stinging as one escaped down your cheek.

He met your gaze again, tears in his own eyes, and you ached at the sight. Blood was beginning to seep now, staining his white dress shirt in a stream.

Choking, he got out, “Well played… kitten.”

Collapsing to the hardwood, Castiel choked on the blood now trickling out of the corner of his mouth.

You were at his side, your own gun tossed aside, and you knocked his away from his hand far out of his reach. Staring down at him, you brushed his hair out of his face and whispered hoarsely, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Castiel reached up, his hand coming to rest on your face. Your chest tightened, seeing the pain etched in his features. Despite it, he was drinking you in as the life melted away in his eyes.

“One… just once…” he breathed raggedly. His fingers brushed your lips, squeezing slightly, and you understood.

Leaning forward, your lips met his gently, deepening the gesture as a tear fell from your face, landing on his cheek. You could not believe you were kissing him but how could you deny him? You knew monsters were made and your heart ached about what he could have been if he had had a different path.

Breathing shakily, you pulled away, finding him smiling up at you before coughing in pain. He forced another smile, his eyes glistening.

“Even better… better than I dreamed.”

It was your turn to choke, a small sob leaving your throat. His eyelids fluttered, as he struggled to keep his eyes on you as he slipped away. When his head tipped to the side, you shuddered, touching his shoulders gently. You had killed him. He was gone. Blood surrounded you on the floor, and you stared down at your hands that were covered.

Unsteadily, you rose from the floor, hands shaking. More sobs erupted as the shock overtook you and you stumbled back away from him, staring at him lying in a pool of his own blood.

The muffled cries coming from Sam and Dean drew your attention away from him. You were snapped back to the present, remembering that they were there. Wiping at your tears with the sleeve of your jacket, you ducked back down, searching through Castiel’s pockets as you cried, gasping for air. Bile rose in your throat at the act of searching his corpse, but you found the keys quickly.

Freeing Sam and Dean, you felt in a haze, having zeroed in on Castiel again. You could not believe he was dead. He had not given you any other choice. One deep breath after another you swallowed down, trying to calm yourself.

Sam’s hand was at your back, startling you, and he said gently, “Come on, Y/N. We have to go.”

You shook your head in response. “We should bury him,” you said quietly, wiping at your tears again.

“We can’t just bury him on the property, Y/N.”

You shook your head again more forcibly this time, turning your attention back. “Not here. Somewhere else.” You met their eyes and told them, “It is the smart thing to do. Clean up the mess and take the body. You know it. Without a body or a crime scene, they won’t go looking for him. His men I mean if they ever come back looking for him. They’ll think we eloped. And then there won’t be a crime scene for the cops to worry about. The house is far enough off the road that there won’t be any neighbors snooping. Plus, it’s dark outside.”

After a few moments, Dean exhaled sharply, “Fuck.” He knew you were right. “Fine. Let’s get to it. But we are wrapping him in so many sheets that blood won’t ever touch Baby.”

You had the urge to slap Dean across the face for speaking ill of the dead.

<> <> <>

Exhausted, you collapsed to the ground next to the freshly dug grave. Staring down at the wet soil, you sniffled, tears pricking again. Sam and Dean were standing nearby, as tired as you were, and you tried to hide your face from them.

Sorry, it’s not the landscape you were born into, you thought, thinking of Castiel. You had buried him beneath a large tree in a forested area, a sharp contrast to the desert.

You sighed heavily, wiping at your eyes again.

It had to be done.

He was going to kill them.

So why did you feel so bad?

You touched the dirt softly at the edge of the mound, thinking of the lake.

Movement to your right caught your attention and Sam was sitting on the ground next to you. He reached out, grasping your hand that was touching the dirt, and pulled you back from the edge. His hand was warm, his grasp firm. He did not say anything, just sat there with you in silence.

Dean sat down on the other side and he pulled you to him, letting you lay your head on his shoulder. Birds chirped softly as the sun began to rise, a soft morning emerging after a hard night.

Dirty, bloody, and exhausted, the three of you sat in silence for what felt like an eternity as the sun crept across the earth, illuminating the grave.

“Monsters are made,” you whispered.

Sighing softly, Dean told you gently, “Monsters all the same.”

It was the truth, but this was one monster you knew you would always regret killing because he had bared his human side to you. Some small part of you thought you could have helped him, as foolish as that was. Pulled him towards some semblance of normalcy and fix him. But he had no intention of changing, he wanted you to just accept him the way he was and you could not.

Hopefully, you would eventually be able to find a way to live with yourself. Until then, those cerulean eyes would haunt your dreams.

Eventually, Dean asked, “We ready?”

Burying your feelings for the time being, you answered calmly, “Always.”

This hurt was going to be your burden to bear.

~~~

CASTIEL FOREVER TAGS: @willowing-love @perseusandmedusa @greenappleeyes @afanofmanystuffs @earthtokace @shikaros-blog @marisayouass @splendidcas

#castiel x reader #psycho!cas #psycho!castiel #spn fic #castiel fic #castiel au #spn au #my shit

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fangirlxwritesx67 · 4 years

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Deeper Than Deep Conditioner

I picked up this prompt from @awesomesusiebstuff over at @cabin-fever-bang“ Prompt: The two Sam’s (our Sam and AU Sam) maintaining their hair care routines while quarantined.” All the thanks to @boondoctorwho @itmighthavebeenintentional and @there-must-be-a-lock for the beta. @there-must-be-a-lock gets credit for the title and the ending all at once. Thank you my dears. ... Honestly after everything, the last thing the Winchesters were expecting was having to deal with more of themselves. They knew that Chuck, in his petty fit of rage, was destroying all the universes he had created. They knew in theory that there would be other Winchesters, other sets of Sam and Dean. They just never considered actually meeting any. The Sam and Dean that came blurring through their bunker walls seemed specifically intended to cause them peak annoyance. The only reason they ever left them there alone was a need to trick Chuck, to beat him at his own game. After that mission was over, the Winchester brothers dismissed their alternate selves. They sent them to Rio, to beaches, to a place of sun and sand far from their current battle to save their world. The minute they left, Sam turned to Dean. “Rio? Really? That was our happily ever after, the sand between our toes.” Dean shrugged, looking so sad and resigned that it broke Sam's heart. “Hey, at least somewhere some version of us gets our happy ending.” Sam shook his head, long hair brushing his cheeks. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Finally he said, “Dean, as long as we're together, I'm good." Dean threw an arm over his shoulder. “Me too; just don’t start wearing a manbun. Come on, let’s have a beer.”

That night settled into the familiar bunker routine and each brother went to sleep in his bedroom. Dean dreamed of driving away, of bikini beauties on the beaches of Rio. Sam dreamed of scarves and what it would be like to have no bigger worries in the world than his hair.

The Winchesters woke up to voices in their kitchen and rushed in, weapons drawn. There was the alternate pair of them, suddenly returned.

“Sorry, sweethearts,” alt!Dean said, “Flights are all cancelled. A virus or something.”

Alt!Sam nodded with a little pout. “And I had already booked a full weekend of spa treatments in Rio!”

The original Winchesters sighed.

“Sit down,” Dean commanded, in a voice that brooked no argument. Even his alternate self obeyed. He returned to the table in the kitchen with four coffee mugs and a big bottle of Jameson. Each man took a mug.

“Is there cream?” asked alt!Sam. The look Dean gave him would’ve curdled milk, if there was any, which there wasn’t, because Dean took his coffee black, like a man.

Sam and Dean gave one another a long hard look. Sam nodded, deferring to Dean. He turned to their other world selves.

“You can stay here,” he began. “This is a safe place, but it’s safe for a reason. You have to abide by the rules.”

The alt!WInchesters nodded earnestly.

“And here’s the thing,” Sam added. “I’m Sam, he’s Dean. It's too confusing to have two of each. You have to pick something else.”

The other pair of brothers spoke in whispers for a long moment before turning to face their other selves. “I’m okay with Deano. And he - he’s-” “Sami!” he said with a smirk. Sam rolled his eyes.

Dean and Sam took Deano and Sami on a short tour of the bunker, showing them to a set of adjoining rooms across the hall from theirs.

Dinner that night was a fractured affair. Cas prepared sandwiches. He knew how keenly humans loved them. Something told him that a meal where everyone could choose would be the best thing for the very different and divided Winchester brothers that were suddenly doubled in the bunker.

Dean and Deano seemed to be in a competition for who could pack the most meat and tomatoes and bread together, but eventually they each picked up a carefully layered sandwich. Dean swiped a six pack of beer and they headed down the hall.

“We’ll be in the Dean cave,” one of them called over his shoulder. Once they were gone, the two Sams looked at one another.

“I like a good sandwich, but honestly,” Sam shook his head.

“A salad is better after all.” said Sami.

Sam wanted to disagree, but he couldn’t. The two of them dug into the fridge for vegetables and dressings. Finally they both settled on opposite sides of the kitchen table.

“Is this really how you live?” said Sami, with a dismissive glance at his paper napkin. “Look,” Sam answered. “I’ve done my best. It’s taken a lot to get us this far.”

They both retreated to the comfortable solitude of their phones while they ate. Before too long, they were showing one another new stories, pages, and memes. They began to laugh and relax together.

It was later, much later, after falling into more than one internet rabbit hole, that Sam and Sami parted, with a promise to go running together tomorrow.

They met before sunrise at the door of the bunker. Side by side both Sams strode out into the predawn fog. They settled easily into a matching pace. They were one another, after all. As the sun rose, they returned to the bunker.

“Meet me in the shower,” Sam tossed out.

Sami edged into the shower room soon after. “We didn’t get to bring much when we came from our world to here.”

“That’s fine, come on,” Sam gestured from under a steamy shower.

“But, but,” Sami hesitated, “What about our hair?”

“Our hair?” Sam half turned and held out a bottle of Suave 3 in 1 body wash, shampoo and conditioner.

Sami cringed, noticeably. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“Why?” asked Sam, “It works just fine.” He shook his head like a puppy, spraying water everywhere in the shower room.

“Ugh,” Sami responded. He rinsed his hair with, notably, just water.

The two of them made their way to the kitchen. Sam was making a smoothie when Sami appeared. He quickly added his own ideas and suggestions. Most of the fruits and vegetables in the bunker kitchen ended up in the blender before they both enjoyed a post-run drink.

“So,” said Sam eventually. “I think I’ll go to the library.”

“Or,” Sami rejoined,” We could go to Ulta. Your hair care regimen is positively barbaric. It’s honestly an affront to us all that you manage to look as good as you do.”

Sam shrugged. “Ulta is closed.”

Sami pounced on that. “So you know-?”

“Look, I’m no haircare expert. But basically all that’s open now is Walmart.”

It took some convincing, but eventually Sam and Sami rolled up to Walmart in the Impala. Sami scoffed before they went in, but Sam silenced him with a hard look.

The hair care aisle was long, and well stocked. Not all the salon brands Sami was used to, but plenty of good stuff. He kept pointing to bottles that cost $15 or more, while Sam shook his head.

Finally he broke down in exasperation. “Why, what do you use to make your hair so perfect?”

“I just wash it and then-” Sam tossed his head and his hair settled back in perfect waves around his face.

“Ugh,” Sami scoffed. “How? That’s so unfair.”

Sam shrugged. "It’s not like it ever seemed to matter. We were always busy with more urgent things. Like, saving the world."

Sami protested. "But, but, my hair is sacred. It's worth the time and effort."

Eventually the two of them moved on from the shampoo aisle -- basket full -- to the produce section.

That night for dinner they enjoyed a cold quinoa salad with tomato, cucumber and avocado. Their brothers were off somewhere else, probably trying to find the best takeout cheeseburgers and extra crispy fries in the state. It was oddly peaceful, just the two of them.

After eating, Sami stood up. “We have plenty of time for a hair treatment, now."

Sam looked at him, baffled.

Sami pulled some things out of the Walmart bag. “I know it’s generic, but these deep conditioners are better than nothing.”

Sam scoffed but finally gave in and combed deep conditioner into his hair before wrapping it in a bag. The final touch was knotting a towel around his head. He laughed, before he looked at Sami.

His alternate self was taking this so very seriously. Apparently, somewhere out there, was a universe where he pampered himself. Maybe there, everything wasn’t life or death. Maybe there was a place where he could enjoy something as simple as a deep condition.

Sami pulled up a BBC show on the laptop, something Sam had wanted to watch but never had time for. It was a little silly and very nerdy. But for the first time in a long time, he caught himself laughing while he watched it. When the first episode was over, Sami nodded towards the showers.

Sam rinsed and combed and dried his hair. It had never felt more soft, more perfect. More importantly, though, he felt relaxed. He felt like it was okay to take the time on something as frivolous as a hair treatment. Call it “self care,” he thought to himself.

Sam Winchester woke up with his own fingers pulling his hair. Had it all been a dream? He sat up slowly, a hollow feeling of loss settling in his chest. He shook his head as reality began to sink in.

His last faint trace of hope disappeared the moment he wandered to the kitchen. There was no pile of fresh produce waiting for smoothies, no leftover quinoa salad. None of it had happened.

The alternate version of Sam and Dean were gone, and with them the sort of life that had time for hair treatments and self care. His universe had no space for indulgences like that. Toes in the sand in Rio was a fantasy, nothing more.

Sam stumbled into the bunker shower, his thoughts heavy. He should've known it was too good to be true. There wasn't a happy ending for him and Dean, not in this universe. He sighed as he picked up the 3 in 1 body wash, shampoo and conditioner.

He smiled sadly and shook his head. His sense of disappointment went deeper than deep conditioner. He sighed and watched the soapy water swirl down the drain. ...

SPN First Last and Always: @boondoctorwho @dawnie1988 @deanwanddamons @divadinag @flamencodiva @fookinghelljensensthighs @idreamofplaid @kalesrebellion @maddiepants @magssteenkamp @onethirstyunicorn @the-chocolate-moose @there-must-be-a-lock @tloveswriting

Sam Girl For Life: @awesomesusiebstuff @lilsylvia @winchesterxfamilybusiness

Dean Curious: @adoptdontshoppets @awesomesusiebstuff @deangirl7695 @deans-baby-momma @mrsjenniferwinchester @stoneyggirl @supersassyprobablysad @wayward-gypsy @winchesterxfamilybusiness

#cabin fever bang #sam winchester fanfic #dean wichester fanfic #alt!Winchesters #susies stuff

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shinahbee · 3 years

Text

November Favorites 2020!

Hello!

So as you may have seen I have been uploading a bunch of art all of November, not every week because of my crippling job at the moment taking away my sanity.lol. But i did try my best to update whenever I can. I do have so much more to complete so please look out this December for more digital art being pumped out

How are you all doing? I'm holding up decently, I'm trying to avoid talking about covid since that's all i've been hearing from work and home and it's really making me anxious since i'm not able to work from home due to the nature of my job. I hope you all are holding up hope and taking care of your selves, let's all remember that there is a time after this and we will get through this.

with that being said I will have a lot more time to spend on my art after January since my work term is going to end and I don't plan to stay for an extension, so maybe then I'll catch up on all of my previous art that I was supposed to upload, a.k.a my hero academia ones.lol

also I'm still chugging along reading more manhwa (web toons ) from korean and chinese artists, i'm so disappointed in myself for not discovering these sooner, these stories are really good and so much effort was put into the art panels, as I have said all I've read was manga so i'm used to just seeing black and white panels, so i never really dove into web toons though I have appreciated the work put into it, now that I'm down the rabbit hole I am discovering really good story lines that are different from the manga I've read thus far and I'm really enjoying it!

so i'm excited to share my thoughts on everything I've been liking

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Manhwa/Manga/Webtoon

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so previously in last months recommendations I have talked about a few of the manhwa I've been reading so I'll briefly list those below since they are all still ongoing

1) who's baby is it

2) to be or no to be

3) social temperature

4) salad days

all of them are still ongoing and i'm still in the process of reading them so I can't give a full review till it's completed but so far I am still enjoying them, that's definitely a good sign since i tend to just drop something after I don''t find it interesting anymore at some point in the story. If you have not read my October favorites journal please do so for my initial thoughts on these manhwas. Now i'm actually going to talk about some of the ones that are completed , so you can definitely read all of them without waiting for the an update from translators, lol

this is in no particular order, just fyi

1) Path to you

"When almost college dropout Jensen attempts to drink away his problems, unemployed Nathaniel( Neil ) suddenly pukes on him and ruins his night. As an apology, Nathaniel offers to help Jensen with his studies. Despite Jensen's difficulties in getting along with people, the two become friends and something deeper begins to grow between them...”

this is the summary from one of the manga websites I was able to find, it does not even describes the emotional plot line that goes along with this later, this is ones of my absolute favorites! I love this manhwa so much, its a great depiction of a coming of age story for collage students going through their life journey and slowly getting though life's difficulties and challenges, one character is going though emotional trauma and trying to over come it for years and another character is going through anti social disorder and discovering his sexuality, it's a plot line that portrayed human aspects in life quite well. I love the relationship between the two main character and how their relationship developed over time from being friends to being a couple. there is a lot of relationship building and minimal drama, which is really refreshing from mangas that I've read, so if you are just starting to delve into BL webtoons, please read this first! you will not be disappointed

with that being said, I love Neil, so much.... you don't even know. lol. He's so precious, literally like an actual cinnamon roll. LOL. i'm exposing myself ...so i'll leave it at that, i’m also wondering why his name is neil instead of nathan or nate...? lol.

2) Here U Are

"Orientation of the newcomers is a task for YuYang, and he ends up helping the unsociable and towering LiHuan, the kind of person that does everything to be disliked. But after better knowing each other, he discovers that the giant isn’t that bad of a person at all...”

I really wish I could find better summaries, lol. but it's to the point without giving away too much so i'll take it. This is one of the most popular series and I can totally see why after reading it, this story has every possible human aspect and relationship building between the two main leads, I actually teared in some parts of this manhwa and I've never done that before! such a good story and plot line, if I were to pick any series in a web toon to be animated then I would choose this series hands down. There's also sub plots between different characters as well and how they deal with their interpersonal relationships and relationships between the two main leads, I love it! This is everything I want in a story, so please check this one out

also yuyang looks a lot like miyuki Kazuya from Daiya no ace and that just made me drawn to him.I really liked his personality and in the manhwa he has girls and guys in love with him and dude...I get it.

3) BJ Alex

"Every night at 10, Dong-gyun locks himself up in his room, grabs a box of tissues, and watches a live cam boy show hosted by Alex, a BJ (broadcast jockey). Timid Dong-gyun admires not only Alex’s ripped body, but his candor in sharing his sexual experiences with viewers. One night, Dong-gyun downs too many drinks at a school networking event and passes out. When he wakes up, he’s in bed staring up at a shirtless hunk. A hunk who looks an awful lot like...Alex.”

so um...this is more yaoi than shounen ai cause of all the graphic scenes in the manhwa, if you are veteran you may have already read this one cause its really popular. It also has a lot of comedic elements to it too so it's not too serious, but the relationship developed between the two characters later on is really sweet despite the infinite amount of sex scenes. Not much else to say about this story, it's easy to follow and the only abuse in here is the emotional kind

I'm not really entirely sure how i felt about it in the beginning but the end is really good

4) No way, vampires don't exist

"Four college housemates — Juwon, Eunho, Seongjae, and Gyumin — are in desperate need of a fifth person to fill a vacant room in their place. But their main concern isn’t about paying rent: they’re ravenous vampires, dying to sink their teeth into a fresh, live human! So they can’t believe their luck when Dongha, who grew up isolated from society, eagerly moves in with no idea of what awaits him. To the vampires’ dismay, however, Dongha doesn’t weigh enough for them to suck his blood! As they shower their unsuspecting new housemate with food and attention to fatten him up, have they gotten too attached to their would-be prey? And is there more to sweet, naive Dongha than meets the hungry vampires’ eyes?”

I have to preface by saying that ever since my twilight phase, I didn't consume anything that had to do with vampires for a very long time, for obvious reasons, but this one I just came across after reading path to you and thought I would at least check it out. It started off really comedic and I was like...what am i reading? but it gets really light hearted and wholesome later on in the story. What I like about this is the character juwon, If you look at him he's that type of character that would look like the stoic a-hole of the story and those characters never appeal to me. But turns out he's the sweetest person most decent person of this story, it makes you want to route for him and another thing I like about this story is that it looks like a harem but you can tell that there’s only one person the main character doungha treats differently from the rest and how the two are compatible with one another. in these kind of stories, it’s always treated as every character is a possible route that leads to their own story but in here....there's only one...let's be real. This is one that is an odd ball cause it's technically completed but the translations are not...so i had to read the rest in korean, which makes it a good practice for me since i'm learning korean at the moment, it’s a good exercise...lol

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Anime/ Drama

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Not going to lie this department is lacking...lol. I have only been watching Heavens official blessing as mentioned in the last journal

but I have just found out that there is a remake of Shaman king in the making....and my little girl heart is screaming cause I loved shaman king when i was younger...so I can't wait for that

as for dramas, I've tried watching Start Up but I didn't like it so I dropped it, I might try watching crash landing on you since my best friend was obsessed with it, I watched a little of it but I left it since I was busy so i may get back to watching it from the beginning

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Music

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i'll put together a play list for you when you read these manga/manhwa...lol. cause that's what i've been doing

Playlist

Crush- No words

Sam kim - Breathe

Crush - let us go

Kim feel - falling

Paul kim - Dream

Kim feel - Hallelujah

Davichi - please don't cry

Yoo mirae - say

taeyeon - a poem called you

baek yerin- Here I am again

I wish tumblr has a way to play music on your page, without copy right..lol. I would share all of these songs cause they are so good

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so that's it for the month of November, lets' see what i get up to for December, I will be updating as frequently as possible so please look out for more art from me and follow me on my social media , I will see you all next time

bye!

Sheena

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Social media

Devianatart: she-be.deviantart.com

Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

#monthly favorites #november favorites #anime and manga #manhwa #manga favorites #journal #kpop music #kdrama #path to you #here u are #bj alex #no way vampires don't exist

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xraytwo · 4 years

Text

How I Learned to Miss Donna Summer

This whole story begins a couple weeks ago. That’s when the Target commercial starts playing the song, "I Feel Love", which is apparently a remake by Sam Smith (a little more on that later). Time to go mining Youtube and find the original song. Found it and thought it would make a good post to my Facebook page, which I did last Monday.

But then, an enlightening journey starts to unfold. Youtube always side posts 'similar' videos as a "Hey, check these out". Lots of stuff by Donna Summer. There were a lot of songs I hadn't heard in eons, and some I wasn't sure having ever heard at all. So, the trip down memory lane begins. There was an early song "Love to Love You Baby" which I had not heard and had caused a bit of controversy back in the day. I kept clicking on studio and live music videos. And soon started to realize something. That VOICE! She was amazing. Power, emotion, range, consistent perfection. And she made it all look oh so effortless. How the hell did I miss this for forty plus years!!! Her voice was not just a studio creation. The woman had serious pipes. Her live performances are just flawless. They sound exactly like the recordings. Find a live performance of "McArthur Park" (there are quite a few on Youtube) and listen to it. If your not touched, you have no heart .. or soul .. or both. I have heard her do covers of Beatles songs, Moody Blues songs, some Country songs and Gospel. She really could do it all and sound powerful, emotional, flawless and perfect with all the range. She wasn’t just the ‘Queen of Disco’, a label she really wasn’t too fond of, as she felt it limited her. She had to be one of the most gifted singers. She was a consummate performer with great stage presence.

Now, time to go deeper down the rabbit hole. Videos of interviews she had done over the years also pop up. Some early ones from American Bandstand (remember that). A lot from Europe. For those that may not know, before she broke big, she went to Germany to perform in ‘Hair’, which is where she met some of the people she worked with on the early records. She actually had a great sense of humor, which was used to great effect. Even to disarm. Apparently, in early days, she was always chosen as the comic relief. Always very charming in her interviews. The video of her shopping for a home in Nashville is pretty funny.

And something else from her interviews. She comes across as a very genuine person. A couple of times she is asked what advice she has for new performers. “Get a good lawyer and save your money”. Great advice for performers and the rest of us. Another interview asks what she wants to be remembered for. “That she made people happy”. If that's a metric for success, she was one of the richest people. You can always tell when someone is ‘playing’ at being genuine. She wasn’t. There are a couple times where her inner ‘celebrity’ comes out, but those are the exceptions rather than the rule. Reading the comments on these video’s, she was adored by countless many.

So, how does the title tie into this story? First, I grew up a child of the very late 70’s and early 80’s that was mostly into rock music (I dare not say hair metal), after her big heyday. Disco was not really my thing. My brother did take me to go see ‘Thank God it’s Friday” which is probably the first time I heard “Last Dance”. My main memory of that film was that she seemed to be the big name attached but didn’t show up until near the end (fuzzy memory, it’s been like forty years). The first song I remember hearing on the radio (no pun) was “Hot Stuff”, while eating lunch on a school trip. There were other songs over the years “Bad Girls”, “The Wanderer”, “She Works Hard for the Money”, “This Time I Know It’s for Real”. But I was a rocker, I would hear these songs but didn’t listen to them. Knew she was highly regarded, but her music wasn’t really in my wheel house.

Then, May 0f 2012. The news of her passing. There had been nothing about her illness and no one was expecting. Her passing hits a lot of people very hard. But for me, yes, it’s always sad when someone dies, but it was just a news story. And like most news stories, they go by and soon fade away.

And now we come back to a Target commercial with a song from the past that took me down a road I was not expecting to walk. I learned she was a world class vocalist, one of the greatest. I learned she was a kind, charming, humorous and grounded person. I learned she had legions of adoring fans and she adored them back. I learned she touched lives all around her, those that she knew and millions more she did not.

I learned to miss Donna Summer.

I understand why many people were sad at her passing. I understand why many people miss her talent. I understand how she touched so many. I understand that many people lost a part of their lives on a day in May of 2012.

I now understand what she meant to them.

Ironically, one of the last videos I watched was part of the last performance she gave. It was only a few months before she passed, and undoubtedly, suffering from cancer at that point. But she belted out “On the Radio” with all the power, emotion, range and perfection as she had decades earlier. She still had it. That impressed me and, in retrospect, made me sad, knowing she would soon no longer be with us. Her voice never wavered for all of her career. Even near the end. Her voice remained powerful, emotional, perfect with all that range. That is amazing in and of itself. How the hell did I miss this for forty plus years???

I’ve only discovered but a wee bit about the woman. But from listening to (and not just hearing) her music, reading fan comments and comments from people who actually knew her, she seemed like someone that would make a really good friend. Not that I ever was or would have been, lol. She was kind, warm, funny and grounded. If there is an afterlife, and I make it there, she would be someone I would like to meet. But it’s a good thing the afterlife lasts an eternity, because I imagine the line to meet her is universally long. Better get a ticket as soon as I arrive.

I must confess, the further I walked down this road and the more I read, watched and learned, I would become sad, knowing what was to transpire. I felt like I had gained and lost a friend within the span of a week. In one interview, she was talking about how she wanted to keep singing into her 90's. And that was heartbreaking. But she left a lot for us to listen to. A legacy that'll last far into the future.

Oh yeah, there is that Sam Smith cover of “I Feel Love”. Also one of the last videos I watched. The vocals mimicked the original pretty well and the technical aspects of the song are very well done. In and of itself, the cover is fine. I started scrolling down the comments afterward and noticed one that stated they were some parts of the song they liked, but that it lacked .. something. To which I replied, “It lacks Donna Summer.”

That’s how I learned to miss Donna Summer.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Summer

LaDonna Adrian Gaines (1948-2012)

Dec 10, 2019

A followup "Why I Still Miss Donna Summer" : https://xraytwo.tumblr.com/post/616556114955403264/another-longer-read-indulge-me-why-i-still

#donna summer

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ladydragonhawke · 5 years

Text

The Lesser of Two Evils

Season 15 fanfic starting exactly at the ending of Season 14.

For anyone who would like to have an easier reading experience here’s the link to the story

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20647562/chapters/49157945

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 14

CHAPTER 3/? WIP

Summary: Cas has an itch that needs scratching, but to do so requires the help of someone he would rather not involve.

Chapter 3: Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door

In the war room alarms were sounding loudly again as the lights on the walls and table blinked frantically.

“Um, what does that mean?” Claire asked gesturing to the light show that was happening.

Sam was already on top of the computer and the readouts it was giving, while Dean searched for the off switch. Two headaches in two days is just too much at this point. After finding the correct group of switches Dean flicked them on and off, thereby shutting off the alarms. Alex ran past him to what he assumed was to check on the patient. Dean sauntered to the side of Sam as he tried to make out just what the computer was freaking out about.

“According to this, there was a massive celestial event that just happened. Let me compare it to the readouts from earlier.” Sam grabbed the pile of printouts that were near him on the desk, good thing he didn’t throw them away yet. Dean started up the stairs leading out of the front door.

“Hey! Be careful! I can’t make out what happened yet!” called Sam as he was torn between going with his brother or trying to make sense of all the numbers and degrees printed on either paper. Without even a moment passing by Dean came running back into the main room like a kid at Christmas.

“THE SUN IS BACK!” Dean shouted at the top of his lungs. Sam dropped the papers and ran up the stairs behind Castiel and Jack who were already halfway up themselves. Everyone filed out of the door in front of the Bunker to look up at the sun. Castiel glanced at his watch then back up as if tracking its accuracy. The rotation of the Earth was back to normal as well.

“Why would he do that?” pondered Dean, “Why would he bring it back?”

“So soon too?” Sam added.

“I have no idea. Let’s just be glad it is back, for now.” Castiel grumbled as he turned to return into the Bunker. One by one everyone filed back into the Bunker leaving only the older gentleman, the young clerk from the gas station, Sam, and Dean.

“Do you think it’s safe to go back?” asked the older man.

“Not sure, but you’re welcome to stay if you like. You and?” Sam gestured toward the young lady to reveal her name.

“Sarah. Sorry, it has been kinda hectic, what with God and all.” She stared at the ground realizing the ridiculousness of what she’s saying, and how it sounds.

“I have a grandchild I need to check on. Can’t leave him to this mess. He has his father, but he ain’t worth more than two pennies to rub together.” The old man grumbled.

“I need to get back too, I’m worried about my brother Ben. Our dad was in the Marines and I’m sure the ‘fort’ held but…” she trailed off in thought as she looked out toward the main road.

“Well, we’ll give you some supplies and a car you guys can have to get back to town. If you run into any trouble with those zombies, run. Don’t fight them.” Sam made it a point to look directly into each of their eyes to further drive the point home.

“Trust me, after what happened earlier, we won’t. Fight I mean.” Sarah corrected. She was justifiably nervous, but Sam was hoping with a bit of light instruction and some quick pointers she should be ok. He hoped. He guided them back inside leaving Dean outside thinking to himself just what in the hell happened. He couldn’t quite get over how in one minute the sun was completely gone, and within a few hours it was back again as if nothing had happened. “What is Chuck planning?” After about ten minutes or so to think to himself, he decided to worry about it later, right now he wanted to pop in on the invalid and see where she was at for recovery. She seemed like the fighting type; Dean liked those with a bit of backbone.

As Dean shut the door behind him, he could hear a crackling noise coming from the war room and as he looked out over the bannister Rowena popped into view holding onto quite a few of her precious tomes. It seemed she had escaped quite a kerfuffle wherever she blew in from.

“Rowena, how’s tricks?” Dean asked with a slight smile. He liked ruffling her feathers when he could. She turned to give him a sneer but thought it best to fake a smile as she set down her tomes onto the center table.

“I was…” she gasped as she laid down her largest tomes with a thud, “Bombarded at my flat!” She exhaled forcefully as another wrapped stack thudded onto the table, leaving a small bundle under her arm as what was left. “Did anybody bother to warn me the dead were rising from their grave?” She set the smaller bundle on top of the larger set as she flopped into the nearest chair, looking exhausted. “Not to mention the sun disappearing, and then reappearing before our very eyes?” She raised her hand to shake a boney finger at Dean, “Please don’t tell me you boys are the cause of all this?” Just then Sam walked into the room seeing Rowena pointing a long finger at Dean.

“Hey Rowena, didn’t hear you come in.” Sam stuttered.

“Aye Sam, nice to see you too. Now will someone please tell me what is bloody going on?” She looked back and forth between Sam and Dean. Dean coughed and tapped Sam on the shoulder. “I’ll leave her to you, I’mma go check on our wounded.”

“Right.” Sam scoffed.

Dean escaped from the room as quickly as he could, he did NOT want to receive the foul words she was bound to spew when she heard it pretty much was all them. Kinda, sorta, not really, honestly if Chuck planned on it going this way was it really their decision? He shook his head to rid himself of going down that rabbit hole. That was one hole he didn’t like exploring. He entered the infirmary to find Alex using a stethoscope to try to find a heartbeat.

“Whoa, whoa. Did she die?” Dean stopped halfway between her and the door waiting for an answer.

“No, her heartbeat is just so…. faint.” She removed the pieces from her ears and returned the stethoscope to dangle around her neck. “Frankly there’s not much else I can do for her. She’s got another blood bag and a few more saline and the wound should be better soon. But it’s like…” she paused not quite sure if she wants to say it out loud.

“Like what?” Dean inquired giving the stranger a look over. She was pale and seemed at ease in her sleep.

“Like… she’s in a coma.” Alex whispered.

“How long do you think?” Dean asked taking a seat on the bed next to the patient.

“Not up to me. I don’t think it would hurt to have Cas or maybe Jack…” she stopped at the sight of Dean giving her a hard look of no, “or not Jack.”

“Rowena is here, maybe we could have her give her a once over.” Dean proposed.

“Sounds good to me. Well, I’m going to have a long shower, care to watch her for a bit? If she wakes up just come get me, ok? Not that I think she’s going to wake up right now but…” She sighed, “you never know.”

“Roger that. Enjoy your shower.” Dean took out his phone to find one of the many games he had installed on it, the internet and phone services may be down but that wasn’t going to stop him from distracting himself from his thoughts. He pulled up one of the many iterations of Candy Crush and began his latest level. He didn’t get too far till he heard light heels tapping on the floor toward him. He turned to find Rowena walking slowly toward him, eyeing both him and the unconscious lady in the bed in front of him.

“So, this is her. The odd woman.” Rowena straightened as the reached the foot of the bed of the woman in question.

“Yep.” Affirmed Dean as he tucked his phone back into his back pocket. He’ll finish that level later.

“Sam mentioned what might’ov happened to her. I suppose you boys think I should give it a go?” she looked at Dean for confirmation.

“Alex did mention, before she took off to take a shower, that it seems like she may be in a coma.” Dean recited, albeit a bit haphazardly.

“I’ll start with scrying then. Get the general idea of what’s going on.” Rowena rubbed her hands together as if to warm them up, then when she felt she had sufficiently raised her awareness she floated her hands above the strangers’ body starting at the feet. Dean had watched her preform this action a few times with Jack in place of the invalid. Dean didn’t want to think about that, so he focused on the slight humming sounds and slight twinges of movement from Rowena. Her humming started out calm and collected then as she neared the head, she sounded a bit frazzled and the notes sounded off-key.

“What’s up?” Dean wondering just what was with the odd humming.

“Well, I’m not quite…” she slowly breathed out as she searched a bit deeper “sure dear. Usually I can find a persons’ soul or being rather quickly, but…” she moved her hands to hover over the strangers’ heart, “it’s almost like I’m at the door knocking to be let in but, no one is answering.”

“So, she has no soul?” Dean questioned, confused with her analogy.

“Oh, she has one dear it’s there, but it’s just completely blocked off for some reason.” She moved her hands back down to her feet to finish the ritual. “Like she doesn’t want anyone poking their nose where she won’t want.” She held her hands in each other as she gave the girl another once over with her eyes. “The only thing I can do is give her a healing spell for the wound. I could try a waking spell, but I fear the after-effects may upset her more.” She looked at Dean who didn’t seem too pleased at the sound of that and he sighed as he rose to his feet.

“Well do what you can. Make sure if she wakes up to let Alex know. I’ll go tell her you’re on top of it. See if she needs a nap or somethin’.” Dean patted Rowenas’ shoulder lightly and walked out of the infirmary through the other door.

Rowena sighed as she looked at the strangers’ face that was starting to show some color. “Now it’s just us girls.” She sat on the bed next to the stranger as she prepared herself to preform a healing spell that rose in intensity as long as the caster was willing to pour as much energy as they wanted. She breathed deeply for a few minutes to quell any insecurities she may be harboring. The issue that this woman was able to completely block her from even getting a general feel of who this person is, was more than aggravating to say the least. This just made her more interesting to Rowena, like a rubix cube that looked nearly complete but with only one square out of place. The solution would be roughly simple, but it would take some time. Rowena extended her hands outward from her body hovering just a few inches above the area where the wound was. She could see it in her minds eye, the rough stitch work that was holding quite a few flaps of skin onto each other. The small holes that couldn’t quite be stitched due to the lack of skin in those particular areas. She probed a little deeper, the muscles in her entire lower side were a complete mess, a large chunk was missing entirely and some of the sinew was connected to nothing. She pushed deeper, but for some reason she couldn’t, as if the body was rejecting her, forcing her to return to the muscles. She took a deep breath and delved against the force of whatever was barring her. Without too much pressure she was finally able to see some of the damaged organs; a kidney was nearly on its last legs, a badly bruised hip bone, and large chunk of her colon was missing, but other than that she couldn’t see too much else.

“There, was that so hard?” She sighed content with herself and her abilities. She still couldn’t figure out how or why this persons’ being was fighting against her so much. She added that to the list of questions she intended to ask her when she awoke. Starting from the kidney she began the healing process; it didn’t take too long to get it into acceptable standards. When she returned to the muscles to try to mend them back to their original places, she could feel a slight pull on her shoulder. She opened her eyes to find a young black-haired woman standing next to her.

“Alex, I presume?” Asked Rowena, never fully dropping her healing spell. The distraction could hinder it, but she was more than capable.

“Guilty as charged. How’s she doing?” Alex asked while pulling up a chair to the end of the bed.

“She’s… interesting.” Rowena teased.

“I’ll say. Any other person with wounds like this would’ve died from the blood loss alone.”

“It’s odd…” Rowena started, pausing as she mended the majority of muscles leaving some of the other ones to heal by themselves. “I’ve never had to fight this hard to heal a person.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…” She slowly tapered off the healing aura thinking this was enough for the moment. “when I try to do anything, I get forced back. Under normal circumstances this is an entirely somewhat easy process.”

“But she’s not normal.” Alex gave her a knowing look, as if someone finally realized something she’s known for a while now.

“Quite.”

Rowena looked at the strange woman in wonder, she’ll have so many questions for her. As night fell everyone was exhausted from what a nightmare of a day they all equally shared. Alex resigned to let Rowena babysit the comatose stranger while she went and got some shuteye. Claire, Donna, and Jody all went into their respective rooms and crashed. Dean and Sam were left alone with Castiel and Jack in the main room continuously trying to get any news from the outside. Castiel was trying in vain to reach anyone in heaven, but it was as if no one was left to answer him. He was beginning to feel extremely uneasy; he knew if there were no angels left to keep heaven functional, the souls would be lost. He looked at Sam and Dean as they were trying to get the router working for the fifth time to see if they could get any internet. He needed to check on things, but he didn’t want to leave Sam, Dean, and Jack. He took a deep breath as he steeled himself for the inevitable pushback he was going to have.

“Guys, I need to go to heaven.”

Dean dropped what he was doing and spun around to face Cas with a mixed look of confusion and annoyance. “Um, what?”

“Look, I still can’t get anything from anyone up there, if there aren’t any angels in heaven, we won’t have just the souls that broke out of hell to deal with.” Castiel sped through every word knowing if he didn’t get it out it would never get a chance to again.

“Right, did you forget about the massive hoards of undead that are out there?! Not to mention the demons from Hell that are loose all over the frickin’ world! You’ll get torn to shreds!” Dean half-shouted, having to stop himself realizing people are trying to sleep.

“I realize that, but this is something I can’t just leave alone. Not when…” He paused looking to Sam for some kind of backup. “not when I can do something about it.”

“I’ll go with you.” Jack interjected, jumping out of the chair he was lounging in.

“No. Out of the question.” Castiel stopped him with an outstretched arm.

“I can help! I know where the door is.” Jack was beginning to get justifiably frustrated. He couldn’t stand being treated like a child. “I can fly us there and back.”

“That’s actually not a bad idea.” Pipped up Sam. Dean did a double-take and gave him a look of shock then disgust.

“We still don’t know if he’s even capable of doing all that. He was dead today, not like that stops us much anyway, but still. I say no, it’s too soon.” Dean folded his arms onto his chest. “We’ll come up with something else.” Sam knew this was his usual signal that he wouldn’t budge, but Sam knew if anyone could change Deans’ mind it was him.

“Dean, he’s already shown that he can use his powers without injuring himself. He healed me and blasted all those walkers when we picked up the girls.” Sam knew the implications of what could happen if they left the bunker, but he had faith in Jack and Cas. He knew if things went south in any way, they would fight like mad to get out and back to them. “They could just fly to the door and if things look sour, they’ll just fly back.” He looked Castiel in the eyes as if saying this to him as an order, of which Castiel and Jack both acknowledged.

Dean keeping is arms crossed and his head held high was trying not to show outwardly that he was actually considering this half-baked plan. But they’ve done more with less. And as much as he hated the idea of Castiel and Jack leaving his side so soon he was very concerned about the souls in heaven, including Mary and John. He mulled it around in his head and gave a look to Sam that meant, I’m weighing my options here.

“Fine, but if things look bad. At all. You come right back. Got it?” Dean pointed a finger at Jack that was between anger and love. He wouldn’t dare admit the ladder at the moment.

“Yes sir.” Jack replied, trying to hide a smile at finally being allowed to do something. He and Castiel stepped back from the center table and gave Sam and Dean one last look before disappearing.

“If he so much as gets a papercut I’m…” Dean started but didn’t dare finish, the thought of him being hurt at all was a thought he’d rather not address.

“I know, me too. Let’s get some rest huh?” Sam gave Dean a comforting pat on his shoulder to break him away from his thoughts.

“Sounds good.” Dean grunted as they both made their way to their respective rooms. Leaving the main room silent besides the few blips and beeps from the computers still running and collecting data.

Castiel and Jack jerked into reality in front of the sandbox that masqueraded as the door to heaven. The evening sky was dark, nearly devoid of stars either due to the light pollution, or the fact it was The End. Castiel did a quick sweep of any and all possible life forms in the area that could interfere with entering into Heaven. It seemed odd, there weren’t any undead or demons that he could sense. “Are they being deterred by the door of Heaven?” Thought Castiel as he stepped toward the sandbox. The hidden runes in the sand lit up, leaking an inviting glow into the air around them. Jack was just as confused about the lack of evil dead in the area and decided to try his own search, which came up fruitless, yet there was this nagging feeling that something was off.

“Come on Jack, let’s make this as quick as possible.” Castiel held out his hand inviting Jack to join him in the sandbox, only they weren’t going to be building sandcastles.

Within a flash they were sent up into the winding hallways of Heaven. Immediately things seemed bleak. The lights were flickering on and off frantically leaving hardly a second of light to be shown. The hallways themselves seemed like some beast comprised of dark smoke writhed against the walls. Fearing the worst Castiel ran to the throne room, with a confused Jack in tow. Upon entering the room, he found Naomi sitting in one of the chairs next to Chucks’, her head in her hands but seemingly alright.

“Naomi, what happened here?” Castiel asked knowing his presence wasn’t exactly welcomed still within Heavens’ circle. He kept his distance to the doorway.

“It came to deliver a message.” Naomi muttered, not raising her head.

“What came?” Jack asked.

“The Shadow.” Her head slowly raised to look at Jack with a face bursting with a whirlwind of emotions. Anger, fear, hate, love, there wasn’t one you could pinpoint but it pained Castiel to see her in this way.

“It wanted me to deliver a message to you two.” She rasped holding everything within her to not lash out at the two of them.

“What was the message?” Jack asked. Castiel already feared he knew the answer but there was something else driving this emotion she was carrying, and he was afraid to dig any deeper.

“This. Changes. Nothing. Not even THE END.”

The room fell eerily silent, Castiel swallowed the lump in his throat. He already figured that, but what drove The Shadow to deem ravaging Heaven as a necessity? Was it because it is The End?

“Where is everyone?” Castiel finally broke the static that was starting to grate on his ears.

“Dead.”

“How?!” His hands balled into fists… All my fault.

“Did you not see the hallways? How do you think?!” She choked back a sob.

I let this happen, how could I let this happen?

“It’s over.” She returned her face into the palms of her hands. “Heaven is done.”

“I could make…” Jack was interrupted with a terse glance from Naomi.

“It wouldn’t be enough.” She hissed.

Mustering up all the courage he could Castiel took a step and knelt in front of Naomi, and softly placed a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t flinch or shy away, what would be the point?

“In the few years that I’ve been able to spend living with the humans, and the family I gained from joining them. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in existence. You are family to me as well, always have been and always will be. And with my family on earth there’s something one of them said when things were at their bleakest, when the sky was raining down and we felt all hope was lost.” Naomi raised her head to look into Castiels’ caring eyes, she was so tired and should hate him with every fiber of her being. He was the one who left. Yet in this moment she didn’t feel hate, or fear, or loss. She felt broken and numb as if everything inside her wanted to give up and let the pieces of her scatter into nothing.

There’s a tradition with Japanese pottery that has been handed down for generations. When a teapot or cup is broken, rather than throwing it away and purchasing or making a new one, they affix it back together. They use a method called Kintsugi otherwise called “golden joinery.” This technique employs a special tree sap lacquer dusted with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. Once completed, beautiful seams of gold glint in the exposed cracks of ceramic, giving a one-of-a-kind appearance to each “repaired” piece. This unique method celebrates each artifact’s unique history by emphasizing its fractures and breaks instead of hiding or disguising them. In fact, Kintsugi often makes the repaired piece even more beautiful than the original, revitalizing it with a new look and giving it a second life.

“Keep grinding. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard it gets, you gotta keep grinding. And that’s how we’re gonna win.” Castiel took her hand in his and helped raise her to her feet. “We keep fighting, together.” They weren’t quite the perfect words he was aiming for, but a dear friend… no, a family member had said it, it quelled his dark thoughts in his time of need. He hoped it had done the same for Naomi.

As Naomi stood slowly taking in the words Castiel said while gripping his hand tight, a little piece of her that she thought she had lost in the chaos seemed to reappear. A sense of duty, no… it was rather a sense of longing, for what she wasn’t sure. To make things right again? To get the angels back somehow? To get Heaven in working order again?

“What do I do?” She asked still unsure if she was even allowed to ask such a question.

“What’s the first thing that needs to be done here in order to keep the souls of Heaven from falling back to Earth?” Castiel inquired.

She looked at him in confusion, he knew the state of it all and what was to happen next. Why bother asking a question that he already knew the answer to?

Wait!

“Come with me.” She stood up straighter. Her vessel was an utter mess, but she couldn’t bother to give it a thought now. This task was more important. Hell was already loose upon the Earth, measures needed to be taken to ensure the souls of Heaven weren’t lain waste to the beasts from below. There was only one option left and there was only one being capable but the only way to find said being was through a rather large magnifying glass, one only God or his angels could access. “It’s a long shot, but if anyone can do it, it’s these two. I’ll assist in anyway I can, even if I have to…” She led them winding down multiple endless hallways, Jack was doing everything in trying to keep up with them. Then without warning the hallway suddenly opened up into a massively expansive stark white room, it had no windows or doors, but judging by the minimal shadows that their vessels gave off one could tell the walls were not 90-degree angles. The floor slopped downward toward the center where it flattened out making it easier to stand. It was as if they were inside a dewdrop.

Naomi turned to face the two boys as they were getting their bearings.

“I haven’t seen this room since…” Castiel started, “But why are we here? This is just the Observatory. And if I recall correctly this room requires a massive amount of energy to function. The last time it was on was…”

“Just after creation. When God disappeared.” Naomi finished. “I’m well aware.” She paused knowing what needed to be done next. “Stand there Castiel, Jack I may need your assistance.”

“Wait!” Castiel raised an arm to stop Jack. “First you have to tell me why. And another thing, I will not allow him to die for this.”

“He won’t Castiel, you have my word.” She reached a hand toward Jack giving him a loving smile. “Castiel your job will be to find Amara.”

“What!?” He shouted, “How will that even be possible? We couldn’t even find Chuck with this, and you believe it will find Amara?”

“I have faith.” She smiled, still extending her arm as she patiently waited for Jack to be released from his fathers’ grip.

Slowly Castiel released his grip on Jack, but not before pulling him into a fast embrace.

“No matter what happens, do NOT use your soul. Do you understand me?” Castiel pleaded fighting the urge to pull himself and Jack and run back to the Bunker.

“I won’t. I promise.” Jack said shakily, the shock from the sudden embrace raising his apprehension as to what will happen next.

Castiel released Jack lingering one hand on his shoulder until Jack left it entirely, taking the hand of Naomi who was still smiling brightly. Together she led him toward the opposite wall and placed a hand on a hidden pad. A door-shaped portion of the wall instantly evaporated away, she led Jack into the small room with her. It was a touch cramped but it soon expanded after realizing there was more than one being inside it. With a click two white rods appeared on opposite walls that jutted out horizontally.

“What are these?” Jack looked on them with amazement, but he wasn’t sure if he should touch it.

“They’re power cores. It takes one or two beings with a rather large amount of power to call the Observatory to function.” She informed while touching hidden buttons on her side of the wall that remained unseen to Jack. “God doesn’t even need the use of this room; it was made specifically for us. But only Archangels alone, or ten angels could offer enough power to use it.” She turned to face him as she finished pushing a few buttons. He was looking at the wall that separated them and Castiel. With one button push she made the wall sheer, so they could see him, and him them.

“Are you ready Castiel?” She spoke softly, Jack was wondering if Cas could even hear...

“Yes.” He replied quickly.

“You have her in your frame of mind? Her sense of presence?” She clarified.

“Yes.” He replied flatly, looking at Jack at first with concern but broke it with the sense of duty that needed to be done.

“Then let us begin.” Naomi raised a hand above her power core, turning to look at Jack. “When I say three, we both touch the cores at the same time. This device runs on grace, spend it sparingly, don’t let it pull you in. If you are pulled in, I won’t be able to help you and you will die. Do you understand?” She gazed into his eyes looking for a sign of understanding.

“I understand. Don’t let it pull me in. But what about you?” Jacks’ face changed from readiness to concern.

“Don’t worry, this isn’t my first time.” She winked.

Jack smiled at her content with the answer.

“He’s a Nephilim so his amount of grace surpasses even Archangels, but I can’t let him use the amount they do. Even Michael was a mess after one go on this for only two minutes. I don’t know how long it will take to accurately find her…”

“One…”

“But I have faith in them.”

“Two…”

“All of them.”

“Three!”

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mattzerella-sticks · 6 years

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Obviously (Dean/Cas ficlet inspired by leaked 13x23 scene) (Ao3)

Dean gets his beach vacation. He's relaxing... up until Cas strolls in, demanding Dean do something he doesn't want to. But in the end, are the things you don't want to do worth doing if they lead to things you never dreamed of being able to do?

Krrsch!

The sound of a fresh bottle of beer opening collided with the white noise of sapphire Hawaiian tides. Dean smiled, eyes hidden behind cheap dollar-store sunglasses, watching the blue expanse stretch out in front of him. He sunk deeper into his plastic chair, toes curling within the soft sand. As intense rays beat down harshly on him, he wiped away sweat that was collecting on his forehead.

His gorgeous view, however, was interrupted by an oblong shaped bottle of sunscreen. Dean pulled his shades up; following the hand holding it up to the owner’s amused yet disgruntled face.

“Dean,” Cas says, “Put this on.”

Dean frowned, leaning back and re-setting his shades. “You’re not my mother.”

“No,” his angel fires back, “But she told me if you don’t smear this on you’ll be sorry later.”

“Ugh,” Dean groans, “Come on, Cas. Couldn’t you just… I don’t know? Mojo the sunburn away?”

“I heal battle wounds,” Cas smirks, “Not sunburns.” He shakes the bottle a little, inching closer to Dean’s face. The former hunter snatches it with a snarled, “Fine.”

Dean spreads some onto his hands and rubs it vigorously onto his cheeks, lathering up his nose with care and wiping the excess down his neck. He hands it back to Cas, who still looks unsatisfied.

“What if you go into the water?” he asks, “Or fall asleep out here?”

“Jesus – Cas, get off my ass, alright,” Dean grumbles, “I have a shirt on.”

“A tacky one,” his angel points out, plucking at the similarly patterned fabric, “Why you made us wear these…”

“Because it’s all a part of the fantasy Cas,” Dean raises his bottle, “Just like the luau and the hula girls were last night.”

“Did the fantasy include most of the girls fawning over Sam?” Cas asks, causing Dean to choke on his sip. The former hunter thinks back to last night, how many of the grass-skirted dancers kept swaying over to Sam’s seat. By the end of the night, his brother was buried under flowers, with Dean joking how much he got ‘leid’. Those girls’ attention didn’t matter to him though, just there for the ambience. What mattered was that special part of the night when Dean helped Cas copy their motions, hands on hips for almost two songs.

‘That,’ Dean thinks, ‘That was awesome.’ “Maybe not,” he says, “But I mean, we need to throw Sam a bone every now and then. Kid deserves it. Speaking of,” he looks around, “Where is he?”

“Last I saw he and Jack were on their way towards a surfing lesson,” Cas tells him, “Jack wanted to try, and Sam mentioned taking a few classes back in California… although if the skills remain is an answer we’ll need to wait to see.” Dean chuckles, already picturing Sam wiping out: landing headfirst into a sand dune, with his lower half sticking out.

“Did you make sure they had their sunscreen on?”

“I didn’t have to,” Cas says coolly, “Because I trust them.”

“That hurts, Cas,” Dean mocks, hand thumping his heart, “You don’t trust me?”

“When it comes to taking care of yourself?” Cas laughs, “I find it better to err on the side of caution. Now… are you going to put the rest on?”

“You’re gonna have to do it, Cas,” Dean says, “I’m retired – that means no more doing any work that I don’t want to.” He thinks that’s all that needs to be said on the matter, and lowers his guard. What he doesn’t expect is the firm but slippery hand to grab at his wrist. “What the – Cas?!?”

His angel forcefully rubs the sunscreen onto his arm, practically dangling Dean over his seat. “You asked for me to do it,” Cas tells him, “So here we are.”

Dean whimpers, “Here we are…” Cas finishes and moves on to the next arm, Dean barely putting up a protest. He stays quiet when his angel moves onto his legs, watching as Cas’s hands rub and down, dangerously getting closer and closer to his crotch. The former hunter wills away any blush, and focuses on some nearby tourists with farmer tans and bulging bellies to soften his crotch before Cas could notice. The distraction works, albeit too well – for he only reacts when the cold balm taps at his chest.

Dean flings himself back, tumbling from his seat until he’s lying facedown on the sand. He looks up, where Cas barely contains his mirth. “Warn a guy will you?”

“I asked you if you minded,” Cas walks around the upturned chair, “But you were silent… so I assumed…”

“Still… I can sunblock my own chest!” Dean rasps, scandalized, his face as red as a crab.

Cas raises a challenging eyebrow. “Will you?”

He doesn’t take the bait, instead stuffing his face back into the sand. His angel moves to stand over him. “Would you rather I start with your back first?”

And with that Dean’s penis stands at attention. Shifting uncomfortably, Dean mutters weakly. His pride berates him, orders him to stand up, snatch the wretched bottle from Cas’s hand and toss it into the ocean – that way they can never speak of this again. But the little demon resting on his shoulder squeezes at his heart, forcing out a quiet “Sure” from within. His arms are jelly, letting Cas easily peel the material and toss it on the chair.

“Now stay still,” Cas says, kneeling beside him, “I think we both don’t want a repeat of earlier.” With that, he places both hands on Dean’s back and kneads. Dean bites back a groan at Cas’s touch, preferring the sand in his mouth.

‘Rather die from suffocation than embarrassment…’

“I didn’t know your freckles went this far down, Dean,” Cas mentions, hands at his lower back, “I thought they just stopped at your face.”

Dean cranes his head to the side. “Didn’t you rebuild me piece by piece?”

His angel blushes, “Your soul yes… but freckles don’t exist in that form.”

“Oh.”

Silence, filled with the extraneous sounds accustomed at a beach. Dean chooses to ignore this, instead focusing on the soft grunts Cas makes with each rub. How the sunscreen squeaks against his skin. The panicked hum of his heart.

“You know,” Dean’s traitorous voice says before he can realize, “It’d probably be easier if you straddled me.” Cas pauses, fingers tightening into Dean’s skin. “Shit,” Dean breathes, “Sorry I didn’t –“

“No, I mean,” Cas cuts him off, “you surprised me is all. Are you… are you okay with that?”

‘Am I?’ Dean is more than okay to have Cas straddle him. But his angel… an unreadable creature that’s vexed Dean the moment he stepped foot into that barn all those years ago. Armed with an impenetrable mask that he hasn’t come close to cracking. His angel’s composure is a force to reckon with, and can’t be shaken by the strongest of storms. Whereas even the simplest of touches from his angel sends Dean down a rabbit hole, flustered more than a virgin on their wedding night.

Although from the start of their retirement, any objection Cas had was few and far between. Comforting Dean in the airplane – Jack’s suggestion, wanting to travel like a human. Taking pictures together, sending them to Claire whenever he could. Even now, Cas could be anywhere but chooses to spend his time with him. Taking care of him.

‘I’m retired,’ he thinks, ‘I deserve it.’

“Sure,” Dean says, finally relaxing into Cas’s touch, “Wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t.” Cas hums, the sound sending a trickle of anxiety up and down Dean’s spine. However, it’s soon squashed by his angel’s weight as he places both legs on either side of him.

“You know,” Cas tells him, rubbing at his shoulders, “I ran out of sunscreen a few minutes ago.”

“Figured as much,” Dean sighs, “But this is nice.”

“It is.”

“Hey Cas,” Dean starts, craning his neck to catch a glimpse of his angel, glowing in the sunlight, “You wanna go take a walk on the beach?”

He chuckles, “Dean, all we’ve been doing is walk on beaches.”

“Not this one,” Dean continues, stretching underneath, pushing his ass up into the vee of Cas’s crotch, “I’m talking about this other one we passed a few miles ago. You know… the one that’s clothing optional…”

There’s some response – but Dean’s not sure if it’s from the suggestion or his action. Instead of guessing the motivator of Cas’s bulge, Dean turns back to his angel, who stares at the bottle in his hand.

“Cas…?”

“We’re going to need more sunscreen.”

#Supernatural #Spn #Spn13 #13x23 #Supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #Spn ff #Spn fanfic #Dean Winchester #Castiel #Destiel #Destiel fanfic

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yeonchi · 3 years

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Kisekae Insights #16: Hiroki and Akari’s Strawberry Mysteries Part 2 (with IRL context)

Hiroki and Akari’s relationship goes on the biggest rollercoaster you’ve ever seen in this project. Remember Zi-O Rule 3 and throw all sense, logic and justice out the window, because a lot of what I’m about to tell you would be illogical or illegal in real life.

The last instalment only covered one of the storylines that was inspired by the final episodes of TVB dramas from 2013-14; this instalment will cover two more along with another one that absolutely tops all of them even though it didn’t get adapted. As such, I would like to remind everyone that there are content (trigger) warnings for themes associated with mental illness, suicide and domestic violence.

These are the darkest storylines that I’ve ever written for the project. In fact, that was the first time I delved into darker themes, so even to this day, there are some places where I feel I went a bit too far. However, I don’t want to change what I’ve written (at least the important bits), so I’m going to live with it and learn from it (just as I’m doing now).

After reading both instalments, if you think that I’m an incel or a creep or whatever, then I don’t blame you. Likewise, it is your choice to decide whether you want to pity me or not.

Well then, it’s time to continue deeper into the rabbit hole.

The absolute state of the next generation

This storyline covers all of Series 8 and 9, but I’ll just cover the major highlights. It’s time to go further down this rabbit hole.

Some time after the Battle of Koshi Castle and the Manchester Campaign, Hiroki and Akari became companions of the Doctor at the start of 2014. In May 2014, halfway into Series 8, Maurice Mouseling of the Takeda Army asks the Doctor for help fighting Girl Power and he heads to Shizuoka with Hiroki and Akari.

The Takeda Army were on an expedition to Kyōto when they were attacked by Girl Power, who are led by Narutaki and Daniel and camped at Mikatagahara. As the Takeda engages Girl Power in battle, they taunt Hiroki by telling him that he is ugly and that Akari hates him. Incensed, Hiroki charges into battle, followed by the Doctor, Maurice and the Takeda cavalry. They manage to drive Girl Power back to Hamamatsu Castle, but fearing an ambush, the Takeda decided to camp outside for the night.

Before sunrise the next day, a group of ninjas attack the camp and set it on fire. Amongst the commotion, Hiroki tries to find Akari, but when he does, they look at each other for a moment before Akari runs off; her betrayal had been arranged by Daniel and Girl Power. Following the battle, Angelina, Maurice’s daughter, takes Akari’s place as the Doctor’s companion alongside Hiroki.

Daniel takes over the leadership of Girl Power alongside Akari and Zoey, who were originally the leaders of the own factions before forming Girl Power. In response, three Girl Power members, Maya, Christie and Anna, leave Girl Power and become the Advice Girls, who attempt to convince Hiroki to move on from Akari but end up giving him prophecies like the Three Witches in Shakespeare’s Macbeth (I only know this because I was learning about Macbeth in school at the time, I don’t know why other people didn’t like it because I sure liked it enough to incorporate it in my project).

In June 2014, Girl Power leads an operation to free Shaun from the underground prison base where he is held. Hiroki meets with the Hongmen, a triad-like group with affiliations to UNIT, and plots with a few members to kidnap a Girl Power officer for ransom. They kidnap an officer, Vincent, whose father owns a Chinese restaurant and as if by coincidence, Akari is with him as well. Hiroki calls Vincent’s father and asks him for $50 million (it made sense in HKD, but considering the size of the restaurant I based this on, I eventually realised that it didn’t make much sense in AUD). He also low-key sabotages his operation by tying Vincent’s arms with a reef knot, making his location on the wall so that Vincent’s father would see it when he calls him again, and saying “I’m sorry, Akari, I am so so sorry” when he chloroforms her after calling for Vincent.

Vincent’s father sees the location and goes there to find his son. Vincent manages to free himself and Akari before they find a car and get away with his father after he provides him with a distraction. Hiroki and his co-conspirators manage to burn their car and get away as the police arrive.

Later, when Zoey leads ten Dalek ships to attack Yokohama, Narutaki confronts Hiroki and reveals that she knows about the kidnapping; he tells her that Akari was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and that he never intended on killing anyone. This was why he sabotaged the kidnapping that he set up (and also to show everyone that he was fucking bananas). In return for her silence, Narutaki asks Hiroki to stop attacking the ships and instead do something to disorient them for a while so that Girl Power’s invasion of Equestria would be delayed.

This portion of the storyline was based off the kidnapping storyline from Brother’s Keeper (巨輪), with Hiroki playing the role of two characters, namely Sam Kiu Tin-seng, the main character and the brother of Vincent’s counterpart played by Ruco Chan (陳展鵬), and the head of the kidnappers. While this may have seemed like a good idea at the time, combining the characters meant that I couldn’t adapt the bit where Sam beats his brother up and the head of the kidnappers yells at him for it (I once liked doing impromptu dubs in front of my computer, but my parents would get annoyed, especially when I tried to shout quietly because saying violent things for acting purposes gives me a real rush, which is why I stopped because it’s become a bit of a trigger for me).

There’s no more Akari-related stuff that I adapted, but I did adapt another bit from that drama for the Christmas in July Special. There’s a scene towards the end where Hiroki fights the Master in Canterlot, but just as Hiroki is about to shoot him, he gets shot in the back by Shining Armor. That was adapted from the bit where Sam fights the mob boss who he was working undercover for (the head of the kidnappers worked for him).

Anyway, that’s it for Series 8. Let’s move on to Series 9.

The Day of Retribution

Following the Battles of Odawara Castle and Nagashino, Hiroki discovers that Akari’s cousins are planning to pair her with one of eight boys in a Bachelorette-esque competition, but with the help of Momoka and the Kōmeikai, he defeats them and takes Akari back. However, this was actually a set-up as when they got back to the TARDIS, Akari kissed Hiroki and stole his biodata before stealing Momoka’s TARDIS (having not returned it to the Pony Doctor yet) and leaving. Hiroki takes control of the Doctor’s TARDIS and severely damages it while going after Akari, causing them to crash into a parallel world, coincidentally the same world where the Hiroki of that universe was forced to marry Hideko Kimihara. The Kikuchi Clan were in charge of that plot, but Daniel and Girl Power were facilitating some of the events from behind the scenes.

This adventure features the debut of Samurai Mode, a prototype of the Superhero Project based on Samurai Sentai Shinkenger where Hiroki and the others morph into the Samurai Rangers. After some fights with Girl Power and their minions, the Doctor takes Hiroki and the others back to their universe. Upon returning, Hiroki discovers that Girl Power have allied with many armies and are preparing an all-out siege on Yokohama.

While the Doctor fights on Trenzalore, Hiroki gathers his allies together and they advance on Sekigahara, where they cripple Girl Power’s strength severely. Following that, Hiroki advances on Ōsaka, where Parker arrives to help them. During the later stages of the battle, Hiroki confronts Akari, who can morph into a Samurai Ranger as well using the same powers that Hiroki has. Hiroki defeats Akari and proceeds to bitch-slap her multiple times, calling her a “stupid bitch” and thinking that everyone, especially her family, wants him dead. It’s also in this scene where we get this gem of a line: “Every time I see minxes like you it makes me want to puke!” Akari teleports away before Hiroki fights and defeats Daniel.

Following this, Akari and Shaun send a message to everyone, inviting them to Kyōto for a celebratory dinner. Parker knows that this is a trap and urges Hiroki not to head there without working out a plan first, but he decides to lead an all-or-nothing attack the next day, on “the Day of Retribution”, proclaiming that “that slut’s gonna get her just desserts”. In a heated confrontation, Parker attempts to show Hiroki that he is becoming like his enemies, but Hiroki points out that he was as ruthless as himself at one point. Parker tries to shoot him, but instead, he swears to bring him to justice with his own hands.

The next evening, Hiroki advances on Kyōto with the Hongmen, joined by the rest of the Samurai Rangers (except the Doctor) and the Kōmeikai. While the Hongmen and Kōmeikai hold the fort at Nijō Castle, Hiroki and the Samurai Rangers head over to Honnōji and fight the Girl Power officers. Once they reach the gate to the top level, Hiroki tells his friends to leave while he goes up alone.

Hiroki confronts Akari at the top of Honnōji and they have a fierce fight. Severely injured, the two of them charge at each other and stab each other before pulling their swords out and hitting each other one final time with a spin as they fall to the ground. You would think they would have both died at this point, but no, they’re still alive somehow.

Akari had made an arrangement with Shaun for him to kill Hiroki. She lets him in, but before Shaun can kill him, Hiroki stabs him repeatedly. It is then that Akari shows up with a gun, saying, “I’m gonna put a cap in your ass,” but Hiroki snatches the gun from her and slaps her three times before pointing the gun at her head and shooting her. Bang. Fucking headshot.

Right at that moment, Parker and some UNIT soldiers arrive to arrest him. They take the long way around back to UNIT as the roads are blocked in Ōsaka, but Hiroki manages to escape. A chase ensues in the streets of Nantan, Kyōto with Hiroki taking a teenage girl hostage, but just as he is about to carjack someone, another car crashes into the back of the car he is jacking and squishes him up against the back of a truck, as you can see in the GIF below. You would think he would have died at this point, but no, he manages to teleport away because (as I realised recently) Parker didn’t bother to confiscate his vortex manipulator. Doctor Who logic, amirite?

Hiroki arrives at an Osterhagen station, that just happened to be a short distance away from Kyōto, and prepares to use an Osterhagen Key, given to him earlier by his assistant, to activate it. The Dalek fleets retreat from Trenzalore as they confront him, but Hiroki remotely sets the five stations online before detonating the nuclear warheads under Earth, destroying the planet and taking the Daleks with it.

As Hiroki prepares to meet his eventual death on the moon, the prospect comes faster than expected when Akari’s brother, Michael, confronts him, having survived as well. He was the one who Maya, Christie and Anna predicted would eventually defeat him, as he was “from his mother’s womb untimely ripped”. Hiroki and Michael fight and the battle ends with Michael stabbing Hiroki and Hiroki shooting him back. But just as they fall to the ground…

“Deus ex machina!”

The Earth is restored and everything is back to what it was, down to everyone’s ages as they revert to what they should be, discounting the extra eight years as a result of the Manchester Campaign. As an unconscious Hiroki lies on the grass, in blood-stained clothes, rain pouring over him, thinking that dying would be the best thing to ever happen to him that day, the Doctor materialises his TARDIS over him. After he has Hiroki wash himself and change his clothes, the Doctor tells Hiroki that he has become too possessive of Akari; before the Battle of Odawara Castle, he heard what Maya was telling him about his love to Akari being one-sided, but he never said anything because he wanted what was best for him.

With Girl Power’s invasion of Yokohama still imminent, the Doctor and a rejuvenated Hiroki quickly head there to save the city from certain doom.

And that was Series 9. Before I continue with the story, I’d like to take this time to point out that the confrontations between Hiroki and Akari in Ōsaka and Kyōto were inspired by the final episode of Black Heart White Soul (忠奸人). Hiroki played the role of Henry To Yi Hang (杜以鏗), played by Waise Lee (李子雄) and Akari played the role of Scarlet Sze Ka Lei (施嘉莉), played by Leanne Li (李亞男). Parker played the role of the cop, Cheung Lap Fan/Funny (張立勳), played by Ron Ng (吳卓羲). The Day of Retribution (I legitimately called the Series 9 finale that) was probably one of the darkest episodes I’ve ever written and as a result, I’m both proud and not proud of it at the same time. I made Hiroki cross lines I would never have made him cross, nor would I do in real life, which makes it really fucking scary, especially when you take the IRL context into account.

And you know what the most epic part is? Three years later, I found someone who makes Waise Lee look like Tim Shaw compared to Sacha Dhawan as the Master. In 2016 and 2017, Hugo Ng (吳岱融) played Ko Tin-tsau (高天鷲) in Brother’s Keeper II (巨輪II) and Cheung Tin-lung (蔣天龍) in Burning Hands (乘勝狙擊), which led him to become a bit of a meme in Hong Kong. I didn’t watch the former drama, but I was lucky enough to catch the final episode of the latter while I was on holiday in Hong Kong. In that episode, Cheung Tin-lung shoots up a wedding, beats up his son, then gets killed by his wife. Words cannot express how the incel inside me fucking loved that shit, which made me wish that Hugo Ng came back to TVB 3-4 years earlier than he did so that I could have adapted him instead of the other guy. It’s because of that scene that I call him “the Chinese Elliot Rodger” because his character did what Rodger never got to do in real life (not that I’m applauding him for it because it was still tragic). For consolation, I took the idea and incorporated it into All Riders vs. Dai-Shocker the next year.

Anyway, let’s move on to the final chapter. While Daniel and the rest of Girl Power were ready to advance on Yokohama, Akari and her friends separated from the group and began working against them. While confronting Narutaki at Nijō Castle, Hiroki learns that Akari plotting with Shaun to kill him was to hopefully bring him to his senses so that they could talk with him; Akari has been planning to betray Daniel since the Battle of Sekigahara since she and her friends thought he was starting to go too far. Akari shows up in the final battle and after Daniel’s defeat, she finally meets Hiroki on good terms for the first time since Mikatagahara. She gets a call from Hiroki’s previous incarnation (a la Deep Breath), who had just reset himself and was minutes away from regenerating, telling her that however scared she is, Hiroki is more scared than anything she can imagine, which is absolutely ironic given everything that happened so far. They got back together and lived happily ever after… until the Moushouden Series.

Finding their mutual feeling

UNIT continued to develop the Superhero Project throughout 2015 before it was launched in 2016. The Samurai Rangers from Series 9 would be succeeded by the Shinkengers, led by Akari Ichigo as ShinkenRed; Hiroki, the Doctor and Angelina would eventually gain new powers in 2017-18 (becoming Kamen Rider Decade, GokaiRed and GokaiPink respectively), the Gold Samurai Ranger would continue as ShinkenGold while the remaining two would resign. Narutaki would go missing and show up in Decade as Kamen Riders Duke and Gold Drive, while Veronica would debut as Kamen Rider Gridon towards the end of the series as a Rider of the Kougami Foundation.

During those years, Hiroki and Akari tried their best to love each other again, but they couldn’t. Akari only got back with him because she felt bad over what her actions with Girl Power did to him and she was scared of what would happen if she betrayed him again. As time went on, she actually began to fall in love with Hiroki for real, but she constantly denied this. Hiroki felt guilty about staying with Akari because of what Maya, Christie and Anna have been trying to tell him for months and also because he felt (later confirmed) that she was only staying with him out of pity. As such, neither of them had the courage to confess their true feelings for fear of the other’s reaction, so they became distant towards each other. Hiroki took any and every opportunity to fight Akari, putting his all into their fights, but he could never bring himself to kill her.

In July 2018, during Age of Riders Genesis, Akari decided to have Hiroki reconcile with her cousins, but his paranoia and previous animosity caused him to become prejudiced towards them. Akari realised that Hiroki was only acting this way because of what she and Girl Power did to him over the years and as such, she believed that it was payback for their actions (and inactions). Following some conflicts, Hiroki and Akari come to terms with their feelings for each other and apologise for everything that happened. Akari would become Kamen Rider Duke in this movie and from Soulbound Series 3 onward after Narutaki decided to fight as Kamen Rider Gold Drive permanently. In turn, Akari would pass on her role as ShinkenRed to Kyōya Shinomiya.

While the two would continue to feature in the Moushouden Series, this marks the end of Hiroki and Akari’s relationship story arcs in the project.

IRL context (Judgement Time)

It’s time for me to give the IRL context to this entire saga. Writing these two instalments has acted as an opportunity for me to reflect on my own actions and feelings. While I realised that I may have been a bit of an asshole at some points, I stand by my opinion that “Akari” was being an asshole as well, but not as much as I was. After reading this, you are welcome to judge my actions, but keep in mind that I’ve learnt from those past mistakes. Okay then, here we go.

I first met “Akari” at high school a few weeks into the start of Year 7 in 2011. Towards the end of lunchtime, I was sitting near my locker bay, with my stuff ready for the next class, when “Akari”, who was sitting near me, said hi and asked for my name. At that moment, I was so stunned by how beautiful she looked that I couldn’t ask for her name back. On top of that, she was in the same year level as me, in the class next to mine. Every time we saw each other over the next few years or so, we had very little interaction other than saying hi or bye.

I told a couple of friends about my crush and later, I found out her name on Facebook. I added her and when she accepted my friend request, I tried getting into her DMs, but she referred me to her cousin who essentially told me to fuck off. This was a time when Facebook chat didn’t keep your messages, so I unfortunately don’t have a record of that.

The major turning point for this was at the start of Year 10 in 2014. For Valentine’s Day, the student committee organised a little fundraiser where people could write little love letters for a gold coin donation. Naturally, I couldn’t let this opportunity pass me by, so I wrote a letter for “Akari” (don’t ask me what was in it, writing these instalments was cringy enough as they were).

The day after Valentine’s Day, I tried to clarify things with “Akari”, but she referred me to her cousin (not the same one from 2011), who called me ugly and told me that “Akari” hated me. That exchange cemented in me that “Akari” was an absolute fucking bitch, which led to her blocking me on Instagram and me blocking her back on Facebook. I ranted about it to one of her friends (who I was more familiar with) and a few days later, we had a little talk and she told me that my love for “Akari” was one-sided, that “Akari” didn’t love me the same way I did her. After getting my feelings straight, I changed the direction of Doctor Who Series 8 and 9 to the way that it is now (her friend suggested that I remove her from my project completely, but I couldn’t resist keeping her in as a villain). It didn’t help that all this happened a few months before Elliot Rodger’s Day of Retribution (which I named the Series 9 finale after).

Despite this turning point, my crush for “Akari” never subsided. Even when my friends got tired of feeding my delusions, possibly because they stopped caring, I began making ironic and cringy memes about the subject that were only shared among Facebook friends. As the chuunibyou in me led me to attack her and her friends in a pretend manner, inspired by Dynasty Warriors, I started adapting attacks from Super Sentai and Kamen Rider as I was just getting into those franchises at the time. This led me to be known more for that instead of my crush, though there were people who were still aware of it.

During a formal event at the end of Year 10, I actually managed to get a photo with “Akari” (which was frankly a miracle given the incident at the start of the year). I wanted to get another photo with her at Year 12 formal, but when I stood in the line and called out to her, she just ignored me. Granted, I was with two other girls at the time (godfuckingdammit), so despite how much I wanted to check that off my bucket list, I kind of deserved it. I ended up memeing this encounter anyway, so joke’s on her.

I never saw “Akari” again after Year 12. Over the years, particularly during this year’s coronavirus lockdown, I did a lot of reflection on everything that happened between me and “Akari” and I realised a lot of things I was too autistic to realise at the time.

Am I fine with accepting that “Akari” never loved me back? Yes, but I strongly think that she should have told me herself instead of getting her cousins to do it for her. If she did, then my complaints would have been invalidated, but all she did was make herself look like a coward. If I had violent tendencies, that’s different, but I feel like I deserve to know how she felt about me without being bullshitted.

Why did I still have a crush on her despite what happened? Honestly, it felt like an abusive relationship for me – you keep pining for her in the hope that she’ll see you differently than she did before, but she just sees you the same way she always has.

Couldn’t I have been friends with her instead? Honestly, the thought rarely crossed my mind and even if it did, I was too scared to approach her because she was usually with her friends. Though I was never able to realise or express it at the time, I also felt jealous because she was hanging out with some boys as well. If I could change one thing about all this, I would have asked for her name at the start instead of having to go on Facebook to find out. I don’t know whether it would have made a difference either way, but if it could have contributed to me having at least some sort of friendship with her, then I would change my past and watch over my past self as he did the things I wasn’t able to do.

Why did I still do the chuunibyou Kamen Rider shit to her at school? From the outside, it looks like chuunibyou Kamen Rider shit and funny random antics, but what nobody ever knew is that I had internalised resentment for her and that I frequently fantasised myself winning against her in a fight (preferably Kamen Rider-esque). I honestly wish someone would have understood, but knowing myself, if someone asked me why, I would just say “I don’t know”.

Would it be possible for me to patch things up with “Akari” at this point? Honestly, even if I had the choice, I don’t think I want to bother (unless she wants to, which is very unlikely). Her social media’s all on private and I don’t want to back down from the high ground by unblocking her on Facebook just for some silly thing that happened when we were young. Besides, how do I know if she would want to be friends with me given the fact that I barely have any contact with anyone from high school?

Don’t I know that love isn’t just about how someone looks, but also what their character is like? Yes, and I wish I knew that before or at least made the effort to be friends with “Akari” just to see how she’s actually like. I fell in love with “Akari” because of how she looked, but I never bothered to find out what she was like. My impressions of her are merely based from what I saw or found; at the start, she seemed like a mysterious girl, but later on, she just turned out to be an absolute bitch. Back at school, if I could have the chance to be proven wrong and change my opinion of her, I would probably have taken it, but now, I think there’s no point anymore. Her smile caught my eyes and heart and it’s the only thing I know well about her that I’ll never forget.

It’s really weird looking back on my project and seeing how many storylines revolved around Akari. I started writing “Akari” into Doctor Who not long after I started writing stories for what would become my project; at first, Akari appeared as alternate counterparts of herself before her main universe counterpart was introduced in Series 5. My (passive) interactions with “Akari” would act as inspirations to my stories, the two biggest ones being Shaun and the Manchester Campaign storyline in 2013 (inspired by my jealousy of seeing Akari with another boy) and the Next Gen Series past the halfway mark of Series 8 (inspired by the turning point I stated earlier). At the same time, I also wrote in some interactions between Hiroki and Akari that took place between 2003 and 2011, which just goes to show how much I was obsessed with her back then.

During the Moushouden Series, I planned to end the Hiroki and Akari relationship arc because now that we have graduated high school, there was no reason for me to maintain (most of) my animosity towards her and her cousins, particularly since the chances of us encountering each other again are slim to none. Same reason goes for Hiroki in my project – I didn’t want to end the series with Hiroki, Akari and their families still resenting each other. While writing out the endgame, I also tripled down on the past interactions in Three Kingdoms, as it covered the events between 2003 and 2011 and provided a bridge to Hiroki and Akari’s debut at the end of Doctor Who Series 5.

Now that these two instalments are done, I feel like a weight has been lifted from me, though the consequences of my actions still remain. “Akari” and her friends know about my crush towards her, they know that I’ve written them into my stories and they know that I changed Akari’s name to what it is from the Next Gen Series onwards. As such, if they were to read these two instalments, I strongly believe they would know who I’ve been talking about.

I don’t know if I have the courage to apologise to “Akari”, on the off-chance she finds out about these instalments, given what she did, particularly in 2014. I’ve justified my reaction towards her in that she was too much of a bitch to even face me directly, but I don’t know if other people think the same way I do. To that point, I’m ready to be considered an asshole or an incel over this saga because after all this reflection, I realised that I could have been in the wrong all this time regardless of whether “Akari” was in the wrong or not.

I wrote these storylines because I was too autistic to face my crush for fear of rejection or embarrassment. Now, these storylines, along with whatever memories, impressions or fantasies I have of her, have become stark reminders of my regrets and sins throughout this saga. I’ve counted up my sins, “Akari”, how about you?

That’s it from Kisekae Insights for the time being. I’m starting to feel burnt out after writing 16 instalments and there are some other things I want to focus on, so I’ve decided to take a break from this series for now. Given how I said that this series would have no set schedule, I could put the series in the back of my mind for a while and you would be none the wiser, but I thought I should tell you about this since I’ve already posted instalments for six months in a row. There are other things I was planning to cover, like Gokaiger, Decade and Soulbound, but those will have to wait for another time. Look forward to them when they come out, but for now, don’t get your hopes up too much.

#kisekae insights

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igetcha · 6 years

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How Autistic Obsessions Happen

Obsessions give us a turf in a world that loves to push us aside, a chance to feel like winners in a world that loves to make us feel like losers, and a sense of control chaotic. overwhelming world. Many autistics develop obsessions with whatever they happen to be good at as a kid. If people are impressed, we’re extra likely to go down the rabbit hole. If there are rewards, we zip down it with supersonic speed.

Things get more complicated as we get older. People aren’t as easily impressed and the rewards are fewer and farther between. Sometimes we get there in grade school, sometimes grad school, sometimes never. Depending when we get there, our obsession(s) can comprise a big part of our identity, enough to make it worth holding onto regardless of the consequences. It’s a lot more empowering to be an outsider with a niche than a nobody.

Behind our dare-to-be-different vibe, we’re a lot more impressionable than we let on and would go to great lengths to hold onto priorities and beliefs we subconsciously picked up from our immediate vicinity. We’re slow to notice trouble brewing but quick to adapt when we do. People often peg us as stubborn, narrow minded, and unwilling to change without realizing we just don’t see a good reason to. “Because I said so” doesn’t mean much to us but a logically grounded argument can inspire change far deeper than the people pleasing surface stuff.

Many of us find the world of social interaction painfully fake and desperately search for truth. Given access to enough broad and balanced information, we can get a lot farther than most people care to. Since the rise of the internet, we hear more stories of autistics getting involved in activism, often on their own accord. We’re capable of being true individuals, staters, and leaders, yet many of us get stuck in Rain Man land because that’s where we’re told we belong from a young age.

Our society starts labeling people as leaders, followers, task robots etc. way too young. The idea of proving yourself to make it to the next level makes sense in an interdependent adult society, but when forced on kids, it deters unconventional learning styles. We regard school as a predictor for future success but all it really shows is our ability to follow a prewritten script. Many people find passion and talent for fields that were not their forte in school later in life. Yet, the world continues grooming us to stick to what it knows rather than what it needs.

New roads aren’t trusted until they meet predetermined validation standards. While this keeps us safe in the construction industry, it holds us back when applied to who we support, listen to, or even give the time of day. Through compensating for impairments, we develop unique skill sets and thought processes, which you’ll usually never hear about because we grow up translating them into neurotypical speak and sometimes aren’t even aware of our differences.

I’m not suggesting that we analyze each other under a microscope. In fact, my #1 pet peeve is lay people playing therapist. What I am advocating for is a more open minded attitude toward new ideas and ways of life. It breaks my heart that many of the people in history who made the greatest impact on society lived in torment and exile, folks we’re taught to admire but not emulate, especially if we’re different.

We live in a world where being accepted is far more rewarded than being right. Acceptance tends to come from pleasing those around you, either by doing what they want when they want it or by convincing them of long-term perks to doing things differently. Those who can convince are welcomed into a larger sphere of influence while those who can’t learn to keep their thoughts to themselves.

Like any population, autistics have done both great and horrible things. While the media loves to lump us together, I believe the credit should go to the person rather than the condition. Autism influences how we think, not what we believe. It does, however, impact the kind of interactions and relationships we have that shape our beliefs.

Autistics are as capable of developing a balanced perspective as anyone else. We’re just less likely to because we tend to attract fewer people into our lives. Our difficulty making new friends makes us more dependent on the few we do have.

Family impacts us more than most. We take it literally when our parents threaten to call the cops if we don’t eat our food. We have an especially deep need for a calm, stable environment but live in an environment that puts a strain on the families of autistics as well. If we don’t grow up feeling guilty or ashamed, we’re still likely to grow up with an atmosphere of hidden tension as our control to base life on.

For many of us, obsessions are an escape. The more esoteric, the less likely to be invaded by the more stressful aspects of our lives. We cling to them, not so much because we need them, but because we’d feel displaced without them.

While some of us obsess for life, others jump between obsessions. Personally, I need to schedule time in everyday where I’m in control. It doesn’t even really matter what I’m doing, just as long as I can take a break from the fear of disappointing everyone around me.

As an adult we often want an identity larger than a series of obsessions. We want to make an impact. Obsessions can be a great safety net in our journey to the outside world. Despite our inherent lack of flair for social situations, they can become an obsession too if we devote enough energy to them.

We develop obsessions to feel good about ourselves, sometimes in the now and sometimes with hopes for the future. The whole western world is obsessed with dating and autistics are no exception. When something causes us trouble, we tend to walk the other way or charge in with full speed.

The new Netflix dramady, “Atypical,” is a great example. Sam jumps into online dating with 0 experience and fills the void with the first pickup artist videos he finds on YouTube. Unlike most teens, Sam is isolated enough to take the words of some douche with nothing better to do as gospel. Pickup communities and hate groups love to prey on those who haven’t found acceptance elsewhere. They don’t have to be right. They just have to be first.

Giving up is the worst thing you can do for those people and society at large. If we could just make people who are different feel welcome in more constructive groups, the haters would have no army. Society paints people who are a little quirky as the enemy and pushes them down that path. The more people we give up on, the stronger the dark side grows. They’re still just regular people who want to be loved like the rest of us. They just need a logically grounded reason to change and someone to give it to them.

We’re capable of becoming obsessed with just about anything, but it comes from inspiration, not force. No matter how hard I try, I cannot convince myself I like studying for class. I love my job in the same field and I read plenty of random tech blogs but the arbitrary deadlines and grading is a major turn off for me. Maybe if people tried discouraging me from staying in school, I’d actually enjoy it. Who knows. I definitely did when I switched majors. Back then, it was my act of taking control. Now, school feels like the place I have least control.

The scope of an obsession is different for each person. I absorb tutorials like a sponge but can’t stop my mind from wandering in class. I go all-out with my makeup every month or so but rock the lazy girl look 99% of the time. I love trying new things but usually lose interest once I succeed. I know I can do it if I want to. That’s all I need. I really don’t like practicing. I feel like I could be spending my time doing so many more exciting things. I’ve gone through enough obsessions in my life to know they tend not to last for me personally, so now I’m obsessed with novelty.

Obsessions have an immense power to engage us but they don’t define us. We are as undefined and adaptable as anyone else. We just need to opportunity to grow in our own passionate way.

#autism #obsession

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death2thevirgin · 7 years

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Down the Rabbit Hole

Summary: What happens when the person you lived for is no longer there? When the person you draw strength from turns his back on you? What do you have left?

Characters: Reader x Dean (Demon; some), Sam, Mentions of a lot of other characters

Word Count: ~ 2,000

Warnings: Lots of angst, Language, mentions of death, alcohol, drug use, overdose, Demon Dean (yes that is a warning), I am sure there are more but I think I got the major ones.

A/N: This is my entry for @nichelle-my-belle ‘s angst challenege! My prompt was “I destroyed myself so you couldn’t hurt me.” I liked the way this turned out, sorry for any broken hearts it may cause. I would love feedback!

Memories/ Flashback are in Italics

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“The little girl just could not sleep because her thoughts were way too deep, her mind had gone out for a stroll and fallen down a rabbit hole.” ~ Anonymous

You were never a weak woman, that much you were sure. You experienced enough hurt and loss that would break any normal person, but not you. You lost your father Bobby a few years ago in the fight with the Leviathans, even that didn't break you. As much as you'd like to attribute your strength to a character trait you knew that wasn't true. It was all thanks to Dean Winchester, he was your rock. He was your reason to keep going. Sure you knew him your whole life and he was always a great friend but after Sam locked himself and Lucifer in the cage things changed. Instead of turning to Lisa and living the apple pie life Sam wanted him to, he turned to you. You remember that night often, the night Dean Winchester turned up at your door.

He looked tired and defeated. He told you everything that happened and his promise to Sam that he would try and live a normal life. "So what's stopping you Dean? Did you just come to say goodbye?" You asked him feeling a ping of sadness. You know you shouldn't but you couldn't help but love Dean and not in the brotherly way.

He just shook his head "Y/N/N, it's not like that." He has faint smile on his face. "You see the thing is, when I made Sam that promise I thought Lisa was the one that got away, the one that made me happy."

"Look Dean, I get it. Every hunter wonders what it would be like to have a normal life. After loosing Sam no one would blame you for wanting out."

He lets out a labored laugh. "Woman would you let me finish?" You nod allowing him to continue. "Like I said I thought Lisa was my key to happiness, but I was wrong. When I think about being happy, when I see myself truly happy it is with you."

You let out a shaky breath "Dean..."

Before you can finish he closes the distance between the two of you. He places one hand on your hip and the other rests on your cheek. "Just tell me I'm crazy, tell me you don't want this too."

You look up, searching his emerald eyes for any hint of avoidance or uncertainty. Maybe he was still grieving Sam and he needed to be around someone familiar. "I want this more than you know, but how do I know this is real? How do I know you’re not just going for something safe?"

Dean leans in, placing a soft and tentative kiss on your lips "that answer your question?" He flashes you his classic Dean smile before he crashes his lips on yours again.

Ever since that night he was there for you. No matter what, even after Sam came back. You thought it would change things that Dean would shut you out but it didn't. You fought beside him and Sam against the mother of all and You were there for him when Castiel started working with Crowley and set free the Leviathans. You were there for each other when Bobby died and came back as a ghost. Even when Dean went to purgatory, you took baby and searched for him while Sam went off and tried to find himself. When he came back with Benny you were the one he came back to. You were there when they started the trails and when Dean felt like he could no longer trust or confide in Sam he came to you. You were the one Dean turned to once the Angels fell and and Gadreel turned out to be a traitor. Through it all you could always count on Dean and he could always rely on you, he was your constant.

Even after he decided to bare the mark to defeat Abbadon, though you begged him not to, you stayed by his side. Even when he started to change and get blood thirsty you stayed, unwavering. You were by his side the day he died. While Sam took him and returned to the bunker looking for a way to bring him back, you knew what you had to do. You found the closest crossroad and was preparing to sell your soul to have him back.

You were standing in the middle of the crossroad, preparing to summon a demon so you could get Dean back. The thought of not having him was too much to bear. You were just about to bury your box when your phone went off. You pulled your phone from your pocket, a photo of Sam illuminated the screen. "Hello"

"Y/N, where are you? You have to get back here, Dean is gone!" You could hear the worry in his voice.

It didn't take long for you and Sam to find Dean and discover what he had become. Even when he became the thing you loathed you never once thought of abandoning him. You and Sam swore you would not let him stay the way he was; you would save him.

You and Sam searched for Dean, neither of you wanting or willing to give up. Just when you thought that you wouldn't find him Sam caught a break. He was spotted in a store surveillance video, same Dean kicking ass, except his eyes were black.

You were able to catch up to him and finally had him cornered. It was just you and him, but this wasn’t your Dean.

“Sweetheart, how you doing? Long time no see.” His voice is deeper than you remember and his eyes flash black.

“Dean you need to come back with me and Sam, we can cure you.” You plead.

“What makes you think I want to be cured? I like this, I like what I’ve become.” He cocks his head to the side.

“Dean you don’t mean that, you hate demons… you can’t want to stay one forever.” You try getting closer to him, reaching out but in an instant he is across the room.

“Oh but I do sweetheart, I have never felt so alive. I don’t have to worry about you or Sam. I don’t have to care if you two get yourself killed. I am untethered.” The worst part was when you searched his eyes you couldn’t see any hint of dishonesty.

You wipe a single stray tear “Oh God, are you crying?” he laughs. “You didn’t think I actually cared about you, did you.” You look look up and lock eyes with him. He has smirk on his face, he was amused. “You were just a convenient piece of ass. If you thought for a second I gave a fuck about you, you’re sadly mistaken.” He feigned a look of sadness. “Oh you did, didn’t you?” He clicks his tongue and you could feel more tears form. “Everything you touch is ruined, everyone in your life dies. Bobby dying was your fault. The only reason Metatron was able to kill me was because you distracted me. To think I let myself get distracted by a lousy lay. I should of went to Lisa four years ago, maybe I would have actually been happy, at least id be human.”

That broke you, he knew you always were insecure when it came to Lisa. He knew you always thought he only choose you was because you were the safe choice. “You don’t mean that Dean, you are only saying this because you are a Demon.”

He laughed off your fear. “Demon me wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t think it when I wasn’t a Demon.” You knew he made a point. Dean must have really felt this way. You don’t respond you just turn and walk away. You leave passing Sam on your way out, never looking back.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed since that day you last saw Dean. After you left him, you left Sam you nose dived into the closet bottle of whiskey and hadn’t been sober since. You blew from town to town, never staying in one place too long. You hopped from man to man, never spending a night alone. After some time, the booze wasn’t enough, you had to turn to something harder, stronger. You remember the first line of coke you did fondly.

One of the men you used for company introduced you to it, it greeted you like an old friend. That night it numbed your sadness and when you had sex, you were with Dean not this stranger. It only took once and you were hooked. You didn’t want to feel anything and the coke numbed you from the pain. It took away the memories, the things he said to you and how he hurt you. But most of all it took away the happy memories too, the ones you would ache to revisit.

Tonight the booze and coke weren’t cutting it, no matter what you tried to do you couldn’t escape your memories. Just as you were on the verge of forgetting something would pull you back. Maybe it was the rumbling of the ice machine that reminded you of his voice, you could swear you heard his laughter.

You needed him to be gone, you needed to forget. You called the guy you got your drugs from told him you needed something strong, something good and a lot of it.

A few hours later he had came and left you staring down a little baggy of heroin. As you heated the contents of the bag in a spoon and got the syringe ready and you thought to yourself “I am not a weak woman, that much I am sure… but even the strong break.” It felt like lead entering your blood stream, you make sure you get it all. Almost instantly you can feel the calm wash over you. Your limbs begin to feel as if they weigh more than you can carry. As the edges of your vision begin to blur and you feel like you are entering a tunnel you see him. “Dean” Your mouth is harder to move than you remember.

“Shit! Y/N, Baby its me.” He rushes to your side, wrapping you in his arms and rushing you into the bathroom. He places the both of you in the tub and turns on the water, splashing some on your face. “Sam, I found her! We are in here.” His voice sounds scared. “Baby, how much did you take?” You can’t respond, you just don’t have the energy. “Y/N, Baby, it’s me… Sammy cured me. I’m so sorry for the shit I said. I didn’t mean it Baby.” You can hear it in his voice he is crying. You want so badly to turn in his arms and touch him. You’d settle for yelling at him in anger but your vision is getting darker and you know you don’t have much time. Maybe you can feel your body getting heavier or your heart rate slowing because he starts begging and plead with you to hold on. “Cas get your feathery ass down here. It’s Y/N, we need your help. Why baby, why did you do this to yourself.”

“I destroyed myself so you couldn’t hurt me anymore.” Your mouth is dry and your words come out scratchy. “Dean, I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough.” After you speak you know you can’t hold on anymore, you are so tired of fighting. You concede and close your eyes feeling in that moment at peace.

When your eyes open you are in your father’s living room. You look across the coffee table and Bobby and Sam are seated together on the couch beers in hand, laughing. You hear Dean’s deep laughter and realize you are sitting on his lap. The realization washes over you and all at once you realize where you are. The fact that you are with the three most important people in your life, laughing without a care in the world. You don’t feel any pain, sorrow or sandiness. You look at Dean kissing him on the lips. “This must be heaven” You whisper to your self.

Part 2

Forever Taglist: @16wiishes, @notnaturalanahi, @illbeguiltyifyouwantmetobe, @tom-is-in-my-tardis, @ally-miller16, @impala-dreamer, @iwantthedean

Dean Taglist: @illbeguiltyifyouwantmetobe

#Nichelle’s 4K Angst Challenge #One shot #SPN #Supernatural #supernatural one shot #Dean Winchester #Dean x Reader #Dean Whinchester x Reader #Angst #Demon Dean #drug use #alcohol #overdose #self hate

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