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they-them-that · 9 months

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Light trigger warning: gender roles, misogyny, transphobia

I love Ouran Highschool Host Club and with the Shoujo classic that it is, I adopted the general consensus that the show was "ahead of its time" with how it portrayed gender. Haruhi will always be a non-binary icon but upon rewatching it, especially after my own trans awakening, I remembered something that never sat right with me and that was how Tamaki treated Haruhi. My two cisgender friends didn't seem to pick up on the same problems even though they also consider Haruhi to be non-binary which made me think I was just projecting onto the anime. But another friend of mine later told me how it was much more "heterosexual" than she remembered that helped validate the feeling I had.

Although Haruhi doesn't like to make a fuss about gender, the anime does and it constantly reminds us that no matter what Haruhi feels, she is still a "girl". Tamaki is the worst offender of this mentality where even his entire perspective on Haruhi changes as soon as he finds out she's afab. A huge part of Tamaki's character is that he dotes on Haruhi "like a father" where his actions are actually founded on the authoritative, patriarchal belief that he needs to "protect" her because she is a woman. Not just protect her from actual harm either but from things like kissing someone and wearing a swimsuit...

Although in certain ways, we're supposed to laugh at Tamaki's overbearing nature, he's never actually taught to respect Haruhi's autonomy. In what felt like every episode, Tamaki fixates on Haruhi's assigned sex much to her annoyance. Yet rather than learning to look at Haruhi as a person regardless of gender, we're expected to see his obsession with upholding gender roles as a sign of affection. This felt clearest in episode 8, "The Sun, the Sea, and the Host Club!" where Haruhi confronts two men for harassing her female peers. She gets shoved into the water where Tamaki saves her but the conflict arises when he scolds Haruhi for standing up to men at all. The message emphasizes to us that "Haruhi is a girl" and it's something that she has to accept for her own well being while Tamaki's anger is meant to be perceived as chivalrous rather than patriarchal and heteronormative. The reality is, even if Haruhi was in danger, that isn't actually her fault but the fault of the men who felt entitled to women's bodies (something Tamaki is guilty of, even if not to the same level of aggression).

I still cherish OHSHC but it hasn't fully stood the test of time as I've been led to believe. That's not to rob gender queer people the comfort they feel from the show but that for myself, it's a bit hard to look past the cishet energy that the anime exudes. Although I see Haruhi as non-binary, the show doesn't seem to agree and goes great lengths to invalidate Haruhi's gender indifference. It's tragically common in anime and manga where trans-coded afab characters are reminded that they're still women and it's usually "proven" to them through patriarchal scenarios that put CIS men in a role of dominance. A lot of the time, these women are only gender nonconforming out of happenstance or circumstance rather than by choice, which even includes Haruhi Fujioka (she only cut her hair because there was gum in it). That's not to conflate gender expression with identity but it does feel like we're only being met half way, especially when the anime still romanticizes the gender dichotomy with Haruhi and Tamaki's relationship. I would've loved to see Tamaki be able to toss the notion of gender the same way Haruhi is able to and have that be the groundwork in which their mutual feelings blossom. Instead, it just felt like we got a man who stubbornly wants someone who grew up without gender labels to visualize herself the way he does, as a "woman".

#ouran high school host club #ohshc #haruhi fujioka #tamaki suoh #tw transphobes

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red-hibiscus · 2 months

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BL characters I relate to most as a mentally ill gay trans man

Daisy from SCOY

Surprising no one, I, a trans person, relate to Daisy. They're outgoing and seemingly don't care about how people view them. They know they're visibly queer and they normally don't mind it (from what I see). But at the end of the day, society does affect them. They're hesitant to believe Touch genuinely cares and is attracted to them despite Touch being an absolute green flag who is very direct with his flirting. Even after, Daisy was worried about people would view their relationship with Touch and tried to become Day, a more masculine version of themself. Impossible of course and they broke down emotionally exhausted. I feel that so much because I also don't believe it when people, especially cis gay men, are attracted to me. I've caught myself trying to change my behavior to be more masculine (as I'm a bit on the nonbinary side of things). It's bad, but I know how Daisy feels.

Wang from 180 Degree Longtitude Passes Through Us

As a 26 year old trans gay immigrant in a country that doesn't want me, I have a shit ton of pent up anger that has been building up since I was a child. I've calmed down over the years, but I can still be stubborn and argumentative when it comes to politics and human rights. I'm also a linguistics major, thus an academic.

Wang is so much like myself and like a lot of people around me. Like me and Wang would be close friends irl I know it. We're young and stubborn. We're angry at the older conservative people around us, too much sometimes. So he lashes out. Many of his points are correct, but they're not hitting. Partially because the people he's talking to don't want to change, partially because he himself is stubborn. People like us yearn to be free, to be ourselves and to learn. Wang has a passion for the humanities like myself. Yet he knows society really only cares about STEM fields. I've compromised and am getting a master's in computational linguistics. Even though really I just wanna learn as much as I can about sociolinguistics.

Karl from Gaya Sa Pelikula

I haven't watched GSP in a hot minute, but I do remember feeling very seen.

So in the show Karl has his gay awakening, tries to internally and externally deny it, and eventually let himself be free to feel everything and be himself (at least in private).

Now I didn't have a gay awakening, but I guess you could say a trans awakening. In middle school I felt different, I suspected maybe some flavor of LGBT, but wasn't sure and I was too afraid to think about it too hard. Come high school I secretly wanted to join the LGBT club, but was afraid. Then I was essentially adopted into the LGBT club and dragged into the friend group during lunch because I was a loner like everyone else. At the time still "identified" as a cishet woman. As time went on people started to suspect. "Why are you in the club?", "why did you cut your hair", "why do you dress like that?", "your voice is low for a girl haha", etc. Much like Karl, I was not ready for any of that. I was still struggling to make sense of it all and come to terms with it myself. So I kept rejecting it and every time it hurt.

I kept rejecting it until I couldn't. Until someone I resonated with so much came out as trans and it clicked. My trans awakening was complete. I became able to be more myself, but only in private safe spaces. I wouldn't come out and live as a man until after high school and it was terrifying.

Adachi from Cherry Magic

I've only watched the jpn ver, but I'm sure that character remains the same.

I'm anxious and used to be quite shy. Now I'm just awkward. I'm really bad at seeing the good in myself cause I feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly in life. Not that impressive. So when people compliment me I think "haha they're just being nice" (refer back to me never believing people are actually attracted to me).

Adachi is the exact same. He has the same routine every day. Just going through the motions and not really thinking anything of himself. But then Kurosawa comes along and the ability to read minds. Adachi then realizes "wait, someone I respect so much actually loves me? And thinks I have a lot of good qualities? Makes me wanna cry." And me too Adachi. I'd be the same.

Jared from 7 Days Before Valentine

Jared, my precious baby, is described throughout the show as kind, but weird and different. We later learn that he has dyslexia, and honestly he seems to be somewhere on the autism spectrum. Even if he isn't, he has a behavioral difference people pick up on and then shun him for it.

I too was seen as kinda weird growing up. Maybe it was the autism, maybe it was the social anxiety. Probably both. And then of course there was the gnawing feeling that I was different than everyone else and it turns out it's because I'm trans.

So when Jared said that people didn't talk to him because he wasn't like other people it hit me so hard.

Myungha from Love For Love's Sake

The whole show is sad yet cathartic for me. Myungha is depressed yet spends his time comforting others. He has a hard time loving and receiving love. If you give him a fictional character who is very similar to him he will love them and see all the good, but he doesn't see it in himself. Relatable as hell.

I have an incredibly hard time being honest with my emotions and letting people love me and express attraction. Mostly in a romantic/sexual context. Dpdr is cockblocking me. So dating is hell, but I'm lonely and yearn to not be.

Probably if you put me in a situation like Myungha I'd also go "yep, that right there is my blorbo" and then not realize that all the things I like about the person and make me care about them are things I have.

Honorable mentions:

Both Akk and Ayan from The Eclipse

Nozue from Old Fashion Cupcake

Oh-Aew from I Told Sunset About You

Cher from A Boss and a Babe (I headcannon him as autistic)

Amber from DNA Says Love You

Uea from Bed Friend

Mitsuomi from Restart After Come Back Home

Jao from SCOY

Maybe I'll make another post for those later

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chipistrate · 9 months

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Cough cough

Trans Gregory headcanons?

If you're asking if I have any, then yeah! I've got a few<3 No really "serious" headcanons, just mostly stuff I thought up when ranting about him to a friend (hi Azzy<3)

-Cassie met him pre-transition, but it was during his "tomboy" phase. Dressed like a boy, cut his hair to look like a boy, literally changed his name to Gregory to people who didn't know him, didn't mind when people mistook him as a boy or used masc terms/pronouns on him- And when Cassie was like "are you sure you're not trans?" he was like "nah, this is normal tomboy behavior." Cassie never bought it. She sniffed him out the moment she met him and was totally part of the reason he realized he was trans

-He 100% stole his name from a piece of media (most likely Freddys related, like a character from a Freddys show or comic or something)

-Dr. Rabbit respects the trans hustle. When he took over for Gregory at school and realized that his friends still called him by his old name and feminine pronouns, he gaslit the SHIT out of them. "wdym, I've always been a boy" " "tomboy" was just another word for boy, wasn't it?" "I never had pigtails." "Are you guys okay?" "My name never used to be ----, I've always been Gregory". Gaslight Gatekeep Boyboss yknow

-If his hair gets too long he'll panic and grab the sharpest thing he can find and cut it- he's good at doing this without cutting himself, but the first time he did it after moving in with Vanessa she had zero idea what he was doing so that was a bit of a heart attack on her end

-Cassie is also trans in my heart and she gave him all her old clothes. He lost them all after becoming homeless, but he appreciates it even during present day<3

-When Vanessa first started taking care of him, she bought every cheap shirt in the boys isle at Walmart so he could wear something other than his in-game shirt. He appreciates it, but everything she bought him looked absolutely horrible. She bought him a shirt with a printed on tuxedo and he's only ever worn it once (Freddy thinks it's a very nice shirt)

-Plot twist; Dr. Rabbit actually killed the therapists because they misgendered Gregory

-He helped guide Vanessa through her non-binary awakening (he was a terrible guide)

-I think these specific pieces of dialogue me and my friend wrote between Vanessa and Gregory when we were joking around is enough

In short? He's full of transmasc swagger 4ever and ever

#Chip Chatter #he's just like a little gremlin yknow #one of my fav asks so far I love talking about this goobers gender swagger #also Vanessa would buy him a binder #just a random final note #she respects his identity and does whatever she can to help him<3 #also damn this got longer than it was supposed to LMAO my bad #I joke about his trans swagger on a daily basis to Azzy

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technovillain · 1 year

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I think you should go off about the autistic transmascness of raz, sasha, and otto. Right now. Forever if you are so inclined

.....maybe I will....... (i gathered my thoughts on ye olde psychonauts fic ideas google doc lol)

I tried to make some of it make a little bit of sense with the vaguely established time periods they have lol. In terms of awareness of trans identities and stuff....but I'm not playing the self-hatred stuff, just the lack of understanding of how that works based on general public social understanding of what I imagine the Psychonauts universe to be like....plus I imagine that like Psychics can sort of tell when people are related (in canon) a lot of them just also sort of have this understanding (even if highly vague) of gender difference from the very start when they are trans.... at least a lot of them do, specifically these three I'm headcanoning. And final warning. This is VERY VERY long. Like so very long. But I will share it since you egged me on :]

I will put it under the cut for length reasons. In case Tumblr glitches and tries to show the whole thang ding to people.

Otto: afab, questionable relationship with his parents. Outright always refused femininity boldly and outwardly. Pretended to be a boy all the time, strangers sometimes believed it when he was a kid. His parents tried to make him be more feminine on many occasions, and he always fought against it. After a while, they got busier and became less involved parents. At this point they gave up on making their daughter look presentable. They had written him off as past fixing as far as a female reputation went. They just told him sort of that he was up to his own devices if he was going to act like that forever. They’d be there if he wanted some help getting his act together, but otherwise he had to fend for himself. Got older and assumed he was some sort of lesbian or something. Just vaguely identified as some sort of butch lesbian identity, but a lot of people called him ‘he’ all the time and he wasn’t sure if he connected with womanhood or lesbian identities at all really. He eventually read as so masc that a lot of people assumed he was a guy anyways. And he liked that but never put a name to it because he didn’t really know about trans people. Had some sort of shroom(psitanium? dunno. something. they did psychic hippie drugs together.)-induced gender awakening with Ford one day when they were younger, before all the Psychonauts stuff. His eyes were finally randomly opened and he changed his whole outlook on his psychic abilities and gender. Decided to actually socially and medically transition after this.

Sasha: afab, gender presentation change brought on when he had to be raised by his father. Lars Nein was so disconnected from femininity that he had no clue what to do with a daughter. So he made Sasha work with him in the shop and gave him the same haircut that he gave himself for utilitarian reasons. Sasha accepted this, long hair bothered him for sensory reasons. After a few instances of Sasha having psychic encounters with reading the minds of strangers, Lars was accepting of the psychic identity but immediately knew that it would set Sasha apart from his peers even more than he already was. Sasha started wearing tinted glasses when he was around this age. It was good for his light sensitivity and also good for Lars’ store customers, many of whom claimed to be disturbed by his tendency to stare right into people's souls. Lars felt feelings of guilt over not being able to be a good father to a daughter quite often. He would not talk to Sasha about this, though, and it was another thing that Sasha had to feel guilty about when he read Lars’ mind.

When he left home, he kind of didn’t know what to do with his presentation. He was no longer under his father’s care, so he could do whatever he wanted, technically. But being so very Sasha Nein, he just kept the same look. He didn’t have to think about it if he just kept it all the same. He never let his hair get long, he never wore feminine fashion. He ditched the androgynous childlike overalls and just moved on to men’s clothes. He probably kept a few pairs of womens clothes just in case. But probably could never get himself to wear them for some reason. He’d sooner skip out on whatever event would require them anyways and convince himself that he had better things to be doing than something frivolous. Besides, men’s clothes were just more practical for the type of odd job work he was doing. He just assumed that there was something really wrong with him because of what his childhood had been like, like the absence of a mother had messed him up somehow. [This man had a heavy Freud fan phase, sorry. It definitively shaped him and it is obvious lol.] I can see him just not understanding this aspect of himself at all for a long time. Spending a long period of his life “correcting” people to let them know that he was in fact a woman by birth. He just felt some sort of obligation to always “eliminate social falsehoods to avoid later conflict” and figured that was the right thing to do. He didn’t allow himself to engage in gender euphoria at the expense of others’ “mistakes” the same way that had been so formative for Otto. By doing this, he unknowingly held back his own confidence and self-understanding for years. As he shadowed all sorts of assorted jobs, he eventually found himself pursuing something regarding his burgeoning psychic powers, working under Otto. Otto was quick to question exactly what Sasha “was”, because he felt that there were some obvious connections to his own childhood. I mean, you don’t just find trans people often back then. (Except you do when you are psychic. This is part of the deal. More psychics are LGBTQ+ and they tend to find one another easier. This almost feels canon to me...dunno) Sasha had always been the master of repressing his feelings, and Otto was basically like “Hmm okay. Smoke this weed or something. Think about your gender. I implore you. I am going into your little square head and we are going to figure this out, alright?” And Sasha was nervous working under him at first because he had no clue the job was going to become about himself. Sasha preferred not to think about himself at this point in his life, only to think about the work and research he was doing. At least the research was really interesting at Psychonauts HQ. But Otto easily made him feel on edge. All this introspective stuff was difficult for him. But Otto sharing his stories and feelings about transgenderism and aromanticism helped him significantly.

Otto was able to describe things like this in such a fundamental way that made them seem like irrefutable scientific fact. And Sasha started to understand and believe it. And he started to internalize it. And this internalization led to acceptance. And for the first time ever, Sasha loved himself. Otto offered him his home-grown hormones he had been taking and gave him a lot of general guidance. Sasha started to feel a real sense of brotherhood, of guidance and understanding. He had never worked under someone and not felt lesser than them before. This was different, this was personal and special. Sasha finally had a real friend. Also he was totally a man. Wow.

Raz: afab, but given a gender nonconforming name due to Aquato traditions. Grew up feeling fine "being a girl" for a while. It was more like he was fine with being a sister, because his relationship with his siblings was good, especially with Frazie. He was okay with having a label like sister or daughter because it was defining his life through his loving connections with other people and that was very real and accurate to him, he didn't even think about the female part (this is me projecting. cough). Raz's experiences with gender are very much tied to his psychic powers. He was never as close to Dion as he was to Frazie. Frazie also had a "boy's name" and Raz always figured that the whole name thing was why he felt the way he did about boy stuff. After Frazie reached a certain age, though, it became clear that their feelings were not the same. She didn't want to share psychic things with him anymore, and she didn't want to be called a boy name anymore. Raz could not understand this at all. Frazie felt like these were things that for her own identity to evolve properly, she would have to drop, and deep down she had always known that. But Raz doesn't feel that way at all, in fact he has always known that the boy name and the psychic business was more him than anything else possibly could be... Raz takes great joy in “pretending” he is a boy, pretending he is a famous psychic...he gets his first cases of gender envy and gender euphoria from magazines of Sasha Nein. Shapes his whole new identity on him because of it.

He comes out to Frazie. Frazie is understanding because she is a psychic and she can sort of secondhand feel what he is feeling and believe it despite social influence that would lead her to not understand what being trans is like. After coming out to Frazie, they decide to start acting like they're playing a game again, just not psychic stuff this time. Frazie makes it clear that they can’t do that anymore. Raz takes on a silly persona oftentimes, and the two act like they're playing a game where Raz is an action hero man. So she gets to keep treating him like a boy all the time. Augustus and Donatella become suspicious when the so-called "game" seems to be taken too seriously, in that everything Raz does seems to be to the end of not being seen as a girl anymore.

Now this is the 80s, but Dona is also from a long history of showbiz. I like to think that Dona had a brother who was exceedingly fruity and on occasions other than performance, gender nonconforming. Meaning that she had been forced to think of the idea of gender fluidity before. Which is part of the reason for her gender nonspecific naming of her children in the first place. Augustus cares very deeply about Raz here and wants to make sure he is faring well with the others. So I think Raz is confronted by Augustus and reluctantly comes out to him when asked if the whole "pretending to be a boy thing" had grown more serious than just some sort of game. Gus was extremely welcoming to the idea, even if he couldn't completely understand it, he was hit with this sudden pang of intense empathy [it's the psychic thing again]. Donatella finds out the result of the conversation thru Gus afterwards. Dona encourages Dion to give Raz his old circus clothes and a few other old things they were holding onto just in case. Dion does not get what is happening. Over time the whole family gets it and they decide it is for the best. Raz has been performing better and has been so much more happy since this development. The only concerning part at this point was his increasing interest in psychics...

Yada Yada the events of PN1 happen. Lili is his first real crush. He never thought a girl would like him back and is honestly thrilled at the development of getting to have a girlfriend like a real boy would. He decides to keep his transness to himself when it comes to Lili. He doesn’t want to feel like an imposter. When Raz gets to meet Sasha, he does everything in his power to make Sasha think that he is the number one coolest boy in the world. Sasha really sees himself in Raz for reasons he can't quite put his finger on...I mean it's not like he acted anything like that at his age. [It's the transness and the 'tism] When Sasha finds out that Raz is trans, he suddenly realizes what it felt like to be Otto all those years ago when he began his mentorship. Raz is scared and embarrassed that Sasha will tell on him but instead receives a cool and collected "It's okay, I used to be [a girl] as well." And Raz is absolutely mind-blown. He can't believe it. The two have a talk about their experiences that is like a much more dry version of he and Otto's past discussion. He doesn't mention that Otto is too, or Milla. The general standard in this universe is that people just don't talk much about being trans publicly. You just have to learn to accept it and adjust. Some of the 80s taboo has to creep in there and make people at least not used to talking about it openly, even if not out of shame.

When Raz finds out about the hormones situation and how it is in fact not illegal drugs fueling an addiction (lol) he goes to Otto like "hang on who all here is like that!! Like me and Sasha?" And Otto is like "oo-hoo doctor-patient confidentiality!" And Raz is like "Please, I just don't want to feel alone!" And now Otto knows that Raz is trans too and he is very happy about this information because to him, Raz is like the perfect blend between a young version of himself and a young Sasha. And Otto knows he isn't going to use this information for bad so he tells him that it is himself, Sasha, Milla, Norma, and now Raz.

GIANT THUMBS UP. I broke Tumblr a couple times trying to post this.🏳️‍⚧️

#it deleted all the tags i wrote before bluhhhh #uhm um #keep in mind i wrote this when i was very sleepy like a week ago #so if there is poor wording or something know i was impaired on account of sleepy #tried to proofread but i am a skimmer by nature #just realized i didnt address otto's name situation.... i dont have a full hc for that yet other than it isnt his birth name #sasha and razputin are both birth names they stuck with in my hc #with sasha being gender neutral name and my raz 'aquato naming tradition' hc #hcs #ask #razputin aquato #sasha nein #otto mentallis #.txt #OMG IT FINALLY POSTED. HI.

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breakbeatbun · 7 months

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i did a lot of "boy things" as a kid and I've always felt less "girl" because of it, i never played with stuff that was considered feminine, partly because i was afraid of judgment, but also i found "boy stuff" more appealing. it's tough not relating to one's peers in a binary way. i would love to play cars

tags on this post for context

i was raised by a mechanic and carpenter so a lot of my early free time was spent in a barn full of tools, machines, welding masks, piles of cut-up BMX bikes we'd find in the garbage, stripped-bare sandrails and their engines, couple rifles or compound bows here or there, probably listening to whatever crusty old rock music my dad put on. hell, i was rowing through the gears of my mom's old square body S10 while she drove us to the store before i was barely tall enough to see over the dash. "hanging out with friends" was playing Guitar Hero or Racing & Skateboarding Video Games, or riding our bikes and skinning our knees. "hanging out with dad" was often target shooting in the backyard or building something; I rarely ever held the flashlight, i had the tools in my hands and grease under my fingernails.

that's a lot of exposition but i'm trying to paint the most specific picture i can! TL;DR, a lot of arguably "boy things" in my upbringing, and i fit right into it, lot of fondness in my heart for it still!

around the time i had my big Gender Awakening at the tail-end of high school i had already been Online for a bit - hell i learned what it meant to feel non-binary from this very website circa 2013 - but it wouldn't be until maybe 2019 or so when i moved out that i really started making other queer and trans friends, and it was pretty immediately obvious that i was extremely different from the rest of my community, both online and offline. of course, nobody was rude about it, everybody was VERY respectful of my name and my pronouns and my identity, but it was still really easy for me to feel "othered" because our shared experiences didn't line up at all; At most maybe i got made fun of for having long hair. it made it really easy to feel like i wasn't doing enough work to justify my queerness.

at the other end of that spectrum, i recently tried on she/her pronouns at the front of my bio, just to see if i was missing something, and i was quickly met with an IMMEDIATE outpour of support from friends and community alike. SO many people were loud about being So Proud of me, Knew i Had It In Me, i had multiple friends message me privately to offer information and easy routes to HRT "just in case ;)" i was thinking about it! and, yeah, it's nice to have that kinda support, i'll admit! but it was hard not to feel a little invalidated in not wanting to change. it really felt like a lot of people, close friends even, just kinda saw me as a trans woman waiting to have a bigger realization, as though being non-binary was just a meaningless stepping-stone to something greater. and i mean, i can't blame them, they just wanted to help!!

today i'm pretty firmly Queer/non-binary (with a little bit of Girl on the side when it's either Appropriate or Funny), and my body and voice are very much unaltered from the ones i was born with. virtually indistinguishable from a cishet version of myself, just with the he/him lopped off and they/she sloppily appended in its place; simply because i don't have the energy or don't care to put much effort into change, and that's very much fine for me. I know damn well i don't owe it to anybody but myself anyway, granted none of it tends to matter much when you present as a rabbit girl on the internet LOL. I'm thankful to have built myself a little space where i can engage with others like me, or where other queers feel welcome to express interest in the things that I'M all about! even if it's a little few and far between. still struggle with feeling like i fit in with The Girls tho LMAO.

IDK! this post is my half-baked love letter to my fellow AMAB NB folks who get treated like Cis Men, Trans Women who don't "put the effort in," or Anyone who can Otherwise Relate in the same, or even an opposite sort of way. we are playing cars together

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cyndrastic · 7 months

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aight update on the future au:

polls not over yet but it’s leaning heavily at McCormick, so i’ll give you my pcov designs and some headcanons for the McCormick parents rn cause out of all the adults they’re my favs 💕💖

i love them so much you don’t understand (also surprise surprise Kenny married Butters [changed his name to Vic], no one could have ever guessed that considering one of my first art posts on this account was a bunny comic 🙄)

anyway they both have mullets cause i just really like mullets, and Vic shaved the side of her head cause that’s my headcanon of what butter’s hair is in the show (cause his little tomato puff makes no sense) and i feel like he would have kept those.

more details and explanations for some things under the cut (aka im ranting about my fav characters and how they work as a couple with little bits of au lore sprinkled in)

Vic-

you may notice i’m jumping back and forth between he and she for Vic, and that’s cause he uses she/he. Don’t get me wrong, I love Butters and Marjorine, but i’ve seen the argument between them so many times. “Butters is a Cis guy!” “Marj is a trans girl!” fuck it Vic is a gnc icon and picks whatever gender he wants depending on whatever the fuck he wants and he’s hot both masc and fem. and i mean very hot. Butters in the show gets a couple descriptive things, namely in the “It’s Butters!” song hes said to have dimples, and more importantly when his father thinks he’s wearing his mom’s makeup when he’s not. that means this kids got perfectly flushed cheeks, nice eyelashes and eyebrows, and unblemished porcelain skin even at 8 years old. that paired with his blonde hair and presumably blue eyes (i’ve never met a blondie without blue eyes), emphasized cheek bones we see in the pcov special (implying he’s got a more slender face and likely more slender and long figure in general, which is the what literal modeling agents tend to look for btw [i would know my grandma and mom were models because they were both pretty with thin frames and lanky limbs]), and the scar over his left eye makes him insanely attractive.

the scar especially gives him something to stand out with; make people remember him (sometimes he even takes out his glass eye just so people get a good look at his empty socket and that image can be seared into their brains). being androgynous also helps make everyone, whether they’re attracted to men or women, find him hot. no one even knows if Vic is short for Victor or Victoria, and that’s the point. also due to how he grew up in this au (spoiler alert, Vic’s life was awful for a lot of years between beginning of high school and when he reconnected with Kenny as an adult [that’s an understatement Vic is by far the most traumatized character in this au]), he doesn’t feel particularly comfortable with being on one perfect end of the gender spectrum; girl or boy. So no matter how he’s presenting, he’s always going to look somewhat androgynous.

Kenny-

Kenny is kinda the same, i just wanted him to look more cool and unhinged. I got rid of the full beard cause i can’t draw it and also hated it, but i added snake bites cause they’re cool. I also got rid of the beer on his shirt cause I feel like after being raised by two alcoholic assholes he wouldn’t drink much as an adult. oh yeah and he’s a he/they now cause you can’t tell me princess kenny didn’t awaken something in him. i feel like he would go to a fancy award ceremony for some massive science breakthrough in a gown. he’s the typa guy to accept some prestigious award for his scientific findings in a slutty silk dress. Basically everything I changed in Kenny’s design was to make him look more like the wacky uncle who gives children weapons (spoilers he is). i kept how the pcov specials made his stockier cause honestly i just like him a little bit bigger. I feel like that’s a treat to himself. he spent so long in a home where he’d probably have to starve some night cause they couldn’t afford to eat, so when he becomes an extremely successful adult, he can give himself the luxury of eating three meals a day or eating junk food that was too expensive for him. he can finally afford to be a little bit heavier; it’s just proof that he’s made it this far from where he came. He’s also more of a mad scientist in this au a la Dr. Mephesto, but far more ethical in what/how he runs experiments.

both-

Their dynamic and characterization in this au is by far the most fleshed out because of how much I like these two characters, and it’s genuinely my favorite couple in the au. I might make a whole separate post on how they operate as parents because they’re both so horrifically worried that they may accidentally follow in their own parents footsteps. Yknow, generational trauma and whatnot. They’re also both insanely unhinged. Both of them are just balls of the walls crazy, which stems from both of them being traumatized (i mentioned Vic is the most traumatized in this au, Kenny is the second most cause of dying thousands of times over his whole life).

Kenny has lost all grasp of physical or mortal fear cause by this time in his life he’s died so much he’s lost any sense of connection to injury, even to other people. It’s difficult for him to register that other people are mortal because it’s such a foreign concept to him, and that can lead to some issues in the lab given that it’s such a dangerous place to work. Meanwhile, Vic has the people she cares about, and has a hard time grasping that people she doesn’t care about aren’t just stepping stones. She was used her whole life, then used and hurt people as an adult (yes she was an NFT bro, no she’s not anymore), but now she has a hard time not snapping back into the NFT thing and scheming every cent out of whoever gave her a dirty look at Walmart. Kenny and Vic can and generally do help each other out with these things, but they can also be each others worst instigators (“oh yeah you should absolutely do that consequences be damned” “no he had it coming to him don’t worry” “yeah fuck him up! beat his ass!” typa shit. they support each other non-conditionally but sometimes that leads to them getting arrested).

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ajxrn · 3 months

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mmmmmm (tw for transphobia, surgery/medical stuff, genitalia and body parts, and gender dysphoria mentions)

Feeling dysphoric. So here’s a rant. </3

I’ve been questioning my gender since I was 13. I don’t relate to how I see other trans people state how they were born in the wrong body. More so a “I used to be a girl” feeling. I wasn’t always a boy. I just had awakenings and realized I would be more comfortable in my body if I presented masculine.

When I first questioned, I thought I was genderfluid. It felt alright at first. I fucked around with pronouns and titles, and realized that like hey! I can be whoever I want! Soon those “girl days” and “boy days” I had turned into a different feeling. I started liking more masculine shit, but that made me very afraid of feminine things. I feel dysphoric when I wear “highly feminine” things ig, but I know it’s because I have a weird shame inside me about how I “used to be a girl” and now I’m trying to be one again or something.

Cut to nowadays, I’ve figured some shit out and I’m feeling more comfortable. I’ve got a name that feels right, a few even, and my pronouns are good.

But even after years, I’m still not there yet.

I know I’m young so I shouldn’t worry, but on top of my transphobic family it gets..tiring. Living in a household where you feel like you need to live up to what everyone else sees you as can be so exhausting. I look in the mirror and I can’t even fucking recognize myself anymore sometimes. Sure, that face is mine. But it doesn’t look like how I want it to. But that’s the big problem.

I don’t KNOW what I want to look like.

surgery is scary. T is scary. Thinking of transitioning makes me sick. I genuinely don’t know. I know I don’t want bottom surgery, I’m pretty fine with having afab parts down there. Having a vagina doesn’t make me feel bad. But top surgery and hormones are what scare me. Some days I think I would like to, and other days it freaks me out. I know I have a lot of internalized transphobia (or just general queerphobia) at myself because of my upbringing, and honestly I have had a coming out experience that traumatized me. Bad. Like it’s just the fact that I know my family will never accept nor support me. I’m conflicted. I want to be comfortable in my body. I want to love myself. I want to wake up and see myself in the mirror and be filled with confidence. I want to feel good about my body. But I can’t. I have a big chest and my body shape is very feminine. I have longish hair and my features are pretty feminine and shit. It’s a bit tiring flipping back and forth between liking yourself and not liking yourself at all.

And looking just like my mom doesn’t help. Looking just like someone who has hurt me and would hate me for my identity is painful. I don’t want to look anything like her. My whole life I’ve heard that “you look like your mother” and “you’re basically twins” nonstop. Even before knowing I was trans it was upsetting. It takes away my sense of self, leaving me empty and blank like a white canvas.

A perfect, white canvas. But I took that canvas, and I changed it. I colored that canvas throughout the pain, the joy, the rage, the everything. I let myself take the broken glass and glue it back together. Sure, it’s not perfect, but there is beauty in all art, isn’t there?

And yknow what? At the end of the day, all I need to know might just be that:

I’m me.

#rant #Feel free to read this lol it’s a bit long #Delete later

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ecstacy-appleofmyeye · 3 months

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percy jackson sexuality headcanons

a/n: these are just my personal hcs of the pjo characters. if you don't like them, scroll past this. some of these will go against canon relationships

• percy jackson

bisexual man, tho i don't imagine him as a 'manly man'. he's the type of guy you'd want to put in a skirt and he agrees to it(absolutely rocks it btw). i don't really remember, but i think it's canon that he doesn't find overly masculine people attractive. he leans closer to fem-aligned genders. he mostly does this to fuck with other people and he and annabeth find it entertaining. genderqueer king.

• annabeth chase

bisexual woman, and im pretty sure that she also doesn't find overly feminine ppl attractive. she'd rather wear a suit over a dress anytime(she gives the dress to percy). one time she cut her hair along with percy and that was her genderfluid awakening.

• piper mcclean

lesbian. annabeth wearing a suit was her gay awakening. she thought she was bisexual when she still dated jason, but he came out first and it made their break up easier. likes presenting more masc. possibly butch4butch. also likes wearing suits over dresses. at one point she thought she was trans, but then she learnt the 'butch' label and it resonated more.

• jason grace

repressed gay™. bro literally postponed his realisation. having to go on quests from such a young age, having to be constantly perfect, he didn't have time to even think about his sexuality. like presenting masc, but he's comfortable enough with his masculinity to dress feminine for the fun of it. at first he felt a bit bad when he wanted to end things with piper—she was a great friend of his—but then she also came out as gay and it became a joke between them.

• thalia grace

aromantic asexual. never saw the point or the appeal in dating or having sex. when she first saw the term aroace it all came to her and thought 'yup, that's me'. she's a woman but like to use every pronoun.

• leo valdez

asexual demiromantic. as much as he flirts with others he doesn't real want a relationship, and even if he did he wanted to know the person and that they appreciated him as much as he did <33

• frank zhang

aromantic bisexual. took the 'bisexual to a-spec' pipeline but he realised that he liked his relationship with hazel, it's just that it wasn't romantic like he thought. cis man that uses he/him.

• hazel levesque

cis demisexual woman. didn't know what aromantic or demisexual was but after frank came out to her she also learnt about asexual and demisexual. likes she/they pronouns

• reyna avila ramirez arellano

im pretty sure she's canonically asexual. she thought she had a crush on jason for a long time but it was just admiration and intellectual attraction. she uses mostly she/her but also likes she/they.

• rachel e. dare

aromantic queen <33 didn't really want romantic relationships before becoming the oracle. and after it was forbidden so it was basically doing her a favour.

#the-tower's-archive #percy jackson #annabeth chase #jason grace #thalia grace #leo valdez #piper mclean #rachel dare #reyna avila ramirez arellano #hazel levesque #frank zhang #headcanons

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marymacdonaldenthusiast · 1 year

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My thoughts on the trans rep in aloto

As a trans person myself I adore the trans characters in aloto. After Bert, who is a very explicitly trans character, most of the trans rep is more subtle. This is probably due to the time period as they didn't have the same words for genderqueerness as we do now but I love the way it's hinted at throughout the show.

Max

She is definitely a nonbinary character but I do see how people, especially cis people, could miss this

She often entertains the idea of being a man

Her panic at seeing Bert wasn't shock or disgust at him being trans, but more fear for herself and what it awakened in her

Bert was such an important part of her life, I think it really helped her to have a trans role model like that who could teach her about his life, how to dress, and cut her hair

She says she wishes there was a word for someone like her who's sort of in between, not quite butch and not quite femme

The way she dresses is more androgynous by the end of the season

She was finally able to be herself with Esther and Bert as she hadn't had any queer people in her life before who made her feel comfortable and I hope we get to see a further exploration into her gender next season

Jess

A much less explicit trans character but I do feel that a lot of her struggles had something to do with her gender rather than her gender expression

Something I spotted straight away was that she keeps her hair in the same plait because from the front it looks like she has very short hair, but she wouldn’t be able to get away with cutting it that short so I'm guessing that's the closest she can get

Her struggles are very different than the other butches

Jo and Lupe don't like the forced femininity but they deal with it a lot better than Jess

Jess is always the most upset about having to be feminine, seen when she was at charm school and when Lupe has to comfort her about wearing a dress

It's not that she doesn't like being feminine like Jo and Lupe don't, it's that she can't

When Bev gave her back the fines at the end of the season, she didn't do that for Lupe, it was only Jess because Jess is different

And of course I have to mention the fact that she pissed standing up which is the most trans thing I've ever seen someone do (modern au so she can use a packer)

Carson

Honourable mention and maybe this is a stretch but I interpreted her character as nonbinary

She's always a little bit more masculine than the other women on the team

Her conversation with Max where they talk about not fitting in with butches or femmes and they wished there was a word for people like them

This could be a hint at her being nonbinary or it could just be Carson not being able to identify with lesbian labels because she's not a lesbian

#max chapman #jess mccready #carson shaw #a league of their own #aloto #nonbinary jess mccready rights

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s1l4s-l1k3s-t0m4t03s · 21 days

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hiii silas!! i have an actual question this time^^

what was your trans awakening??????? coming from a cis straight girl i'm js genuinely interested lmao

when i was 5 i told my receptjon teacger i wanted to be a boy anf he said no so for 4 years i settled on being a djnosaur and i would wear a djnosaur costume every single day amd when people called me a girl i would bite them and i begged to get my hair cut

i also always refused to wear skirts and dresses, havent worn one since i was abt 3.

always felt really euphoric when people called me he but i didnt know why

realised i think i am a boy but since i was just figured out to be sch1z0phr3n1c i told myself it was d3lusion

when i was like 11 finally figured out the term trans and i shoved myself into the closet and came out a year later to my bsf and word got around anf skl told my parents 🤷‍♂️ i went from lesbian to gay male, never had an inbetween

idk why i thought i was a lesvian i didnt even like girls 💀

#silas tag!#silas waffles #silas answers!#aada tag!#lgbtq community #transgender #trans awakening #trans man #queer

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starlingharley · 1 year

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this is my boy yuri and he's struggling but still Fire(tm)

[actual oc info underneath the readmore!!]

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

"Haha! Aha... Man, I've got my work cut out for me."

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

[ YURI HANNES | 18 (9.21) | THEY/HE | RAMSHACKLE DORM FRESHMAN | 162cm ]

After a gap year gone terribly awry, Yuri thought that they had to all but shelve their dreams of going to college... Little did they know that they'd be summoned to Night Raven College in the dead of night. The dorm they've been assigned is a bit run-down, they have a feline-esque agent of chaos to reign in, and they're surrounded by teenagers, but it's not all bad! In fact, they're actually overjoyed that they were magically summoned to attend a boys' college - The dark mirror may have recited the DSM 5 for Borderline Personality Disorder at them (which they already knew about intimately, thank you very much!) with its spiel about them being "empty" and apparently having nowhere to go back to because they don't "belong anywhere", but it affirmed their transmasculine leanings! So, trans rights!

...Haha.

They're coping, but life here - as hectic as it is - is actually much better than their former life. It's as if someone put a positive twist on the nighttime awakenings and frequent drama just for their sake. They actually don't mind that Headmage Crowley is taking so long to research how to even begin to get them home.

As far as they're concerned, he can take all the time in the world and then some...!

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

[OTHER FUN FACTS]

★ Enjoys embroidery and sewing - They often embroiders in the evenings after classes to wind down, and to avoid the embarrassment of asking Headmage Crowley for yet another uniform exchange to accommodate their measurements, they handsewn their own skirt and petticoats for their uniform... Out of bedsheets and by frankensteining the other uniforms they were given together. They've even managed to attract the attention of some of the Pomefiore students with their craftsmanship.

★ They emerged from their coffin in some PJs, their sweater, socks, and houseshoes. They've been trying to save up for more clothes and hygienic comforts between dorm renovation costs, but they worked hard for their current hair accessories and legwarmers, gosh darnit. They're still trying to find a good replacement for their binder at the Mystery Shop, though, not that binding really worked for them...

★ When asked about their gender, they'll reply that - for all intents and purposes - they're just a man performing in drag on the regular. They've found that it's the easiest explanation to digest if the other party they're talking to isn't as well-versed in Gender(tm).

★ They eventually establish a sort of "Brainworm Extermination Club" - The club meets biweekly to just scream their worries into the woods and essentially relieve stress via group therapy. Riddle Rosehearts was the first member, unofficially, but after a funny misunderstanding about the nature of the phrase "brainworms" mixed in with the Headmage referring to them as a "Beasttamer" of sorts, it became more official. A brainworm infestation makes you more likely to Overblot, people...!

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

#starling art #yuusona #twst #twisted wonderland #yuusona twst #twst oc #oc

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kakusu-shipping · 1 year

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Can you do Fatgum, kirishima, or Tamaki?

This is like Half the Fatfam so I'll do you one better and do the whole Fatfam because I love them and leaving any of them out feels weird kfdjgkfdg

Ask from Here

Taishiro Toyomitsu

Sexuality Headcanon: Pansexual

Gender Headcanon: I see Taishiro as a Cis man, but I've seen very cool Trans Taishiro takes as well, so I'm between the two usually. He/Him

A ship I have with said character: Me?? Me self ship with Taishiro my beloved?? Oh but also Kendo Rappa I love that guy. He's Taishi's creepy gross stalker and I think they're funny together

A BROTP I have with said character: His interactions with Monika in Vigilantes will never not be hilarious to me. She's so not funny and he's so mean and they're hysterical together and I love them

A random headcanon: Taishiro's entire wardrobe is hoodies. He sleeps in a hoodie, his casual wear his hoodies, he's got a nice date hoodie. It's his comfort outfit and he refuses to change.

General Opinion over said character: I love this man. He is my husband, I mwah mwah mwah him face. Top tier fat rep, Horikoshi's best character by a mile.

everyone else under the cut so the post doesn't get too long

Tamaki Amajiki

Sexuality: Gay

Gender: Like Taishiro I see him as Cis usually but I've seen sooo many good Transgender headcanons as well that I'm kind of in the middle about it. He/She

OTP: MiriTama is SO cute!!! Top tier!!! My Hero really has the best Blond/Dark Hair ships out there.

BROTP: I really like his relationship with Neijire, being in the same class I feel like she just kinda bugged him until they were friends. Lesbian/Gay Hostility. They bicker like siblings.

Random Headcanon: It's Tamaki's fault we keep getting interns at the Fatgum agency. He hears someone struggling and thinks "Fat could help them" and brings them home like a kid bringing home a kitten. He's a bleeding heart, just like his father.

Overall Opinion: I LOVE Tamaki like a LOT. My favorite part about him, and all the 3rd year students we meet, is he's already gone through his entire character arc. He, Mirio, and Neijire worked to overcome challenges, faced problems, had training arcs and everything long before we met them. They're main characters post their own plot and I LOVE that kind of story telling.

Eijiro Kirishima

Sexuality: ALSO Gay

Gender: Transgender, He/Him

OTP: KiriBaku my BELOVED, my boyfriend Zayne was really into this one when he was into My Hero so I kinda got pulled into it first. I do really like them. Hot Headed VS Bull Headed.

BROTP: Mina for sure!! Gay/Bi Solidarity. She was his gay awakening in that he thought he liked her Romantically until he realized he didn't like girls at all. They have self care sleepovers where they do facials and paint eachother nails and gossip for sure

Random Headcanon: Kirishima has a real soft spot for Shojo Manga, and prefers it over action packed Shounen. The only people who know this are the rest of the Fatfam, Mina, and Bakugo.

Overall Opinion: I'm gonna keep saying I love these characters and it's true I loooove Eijiro sooo much. He's so head strong but with a huge heart he cares and worries SO much and he's also always down to clown commit to the bit ride or die kinda guy. I love him.

Tetsutestu Tetsutetsu

Sexuality: Bi? Pan? Omni?? Poly??? I don't think he really knows the exact label fits him best. Everyone in class B would say he's Bisexual, but he himself would answer the question with a "I dunno, boys are cute, girls are cute, what's it matter?"

Gender: ALSO Transgender, He/Him

OTP: I really like him with Kendo, their dynamic is incredibly cute and funny. A lot of "That's MY WIFE!!!!! :D" Energy and I love that for him. He's her biggest cheerleader.

BROTP: He and Eiji as constantly butting head twins who are too similar for their own good is incredibly funny to me and I do love that dynamic. I also love him with Neito Monoma as the bite to his bark kind of dynamic. He doesn't do it on purpose, he just loves hyping people up and isn't really hearing the nonsense Monoma is saying.

Random Headcanon: Tetsu really needs glasses, like really needs glasses, and just doesn't know it. He thinks everybody sees like this and just hasn't questioned it.

General Opinion: My Hero Academia Dumb Guy is a very particular gender and I adore it. Well, I call Tetsu dumb but he can't be that dumb to be in UA, it's a top school after all. He's just impulsive and hard headed and reckless, not necessarily stupid. I love him, boy son son boy

Momo Yaoyorozu

Sexuality: I'm in camp AroAce Momo, but I can also be on team Ace/Lesbian Momo. Back and forth on that one a lot.

Gender: Cis gender, She/Her

OTP: Sense I think she's Aro I don't have a lot of Momo ships off the top of my head, but I think she and Jiro are cute. The ideal Big Fem Little Butch Lesbian/Bi ship. If anything Jiro for sure has a crush on her.

BROTP: I really like the headcanon that she, Iida, and Todoroki are all childhood friends who attended a lot of the same Pro Hero/High class parties and hung out together during them.

Random Headcanon: Momo's parents don't support her choice to do Hero work, and are constantly threatening to pull her out of UA if the hero training gets in the way of her grades. She has an uncle who's a Pro Hero, which is how she got the recommendation to UA in the first place, he's also the one who signed all her paperwork and showed up for Parent's Day.

Overall Opinion: Momo is what made me realize I shouldn't focus too hard on the costuming of My Hero Academia fjkghjdfg her hero suit makes me sad. I think she's a very under used character, and could use some character development time under Fatgum, sense they both have quirks that utilize fat cells and she is entirely too thin to be doing hard hero work while using up that much energy. No WONDER she passes out all the time!

Nirengeki Shoda

Sexuality: Biromantic, Asexual

Gender: Trans Man, He/Him

OTP: It's hard to ship the 1-B kids cause they don't get near enough focused screen time. Shoda doesn't even seem to have a real affinity with anyone in his class either, sense every time we've seen him he's paired with someone new. I got nothing, it seems.

BROTP: He, Yui, Reiko, and Kendo all hang out I think. Shoda's really chill and team focused, so he can really blend into any group, but the girls specifically tend to steal him for hang outs the most.

Random Headcanon: Shoda has a real hard time taking praise or thinking he's really worthy of anything, a lot like Momo. It's something he's been forced to get better at sense being in a class with Neito Monoma though, sense the guy won't take "nah I didn't do anything" as an answer when complimenting people. Shoda's worked self deprecation out of his speaking habits out of necessity at this point.

General Opinion: My son boy I picked this one for the Fatfam and I'm the only one to do so but the Baseball OVA really got me okay my S/I is baseball themed and Shoda's quirk is REALLY GOOD for baseball of COURSE I'd pick him up. My intern now, suck it Shishido. I also just think the Fatgum agency needs more Class B in the mix. MORE REP FOR CLASS B!!!!

#Thankyou for asking #Fatgum #Fatfam #I love these guys my handsome husband and our beautiful kids god bless #These takes are sooooooo based on my own S/I I am SO sorry I am bleeding into the headcanon post kdfgjkfdg #Two late 20 somethings and their band of teenage children #I would like to legally adopt Momo she is my dear sweet baby girl mwah mwah sweetheart #Tamaki loves his family but he hates being the oldest they all expect so much of him #Regressor Tamaki he's actually the baby brother #Nirengeki gets hit with my Ace Beam because I love him #Much like hot Taishi gets the Pan beam #Get headcanoned idiots #This was fun thanks for asking sorry I didn't answer last night like I planned #My melatonin punched me in the jaw just as I requested it to do

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koko-heads · 2 years

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— my interpretation of tina belcher!

↳ anything marked with a * is canon !!

tina is a trans girl !! she knew when she was really young that actually, she was a girl and linda was the first person to know

she's autistic* with willes-ekbom disease* and plmd*

she's pansexual and polyamorous*; her sapphic awakening was meeting dillon at the brewster courtyard gardens hotel

by 18, tina's hair is past her shoulders and she goes to get it cut short !! it feels really liberating and it's a bit of self-reassurance for her

she experiments with xenogenders and neopronouns, but none really stick

she forms an unlikely friend group with dillon, becky, susmita, tammy and jocelyn: they dub themselves "the big six"

her favourite fruits are strawberries because they remind her of the summer aesthetic

she's very physically strong*, she gets that from her mother* and she's the muscle of the group

because linda's eyes are blue* and bob's are brown*, tina has heterochromia

picrews under the cut !!

picrews used:

djarn's character maker

character maker

murmur character creator

lillycrew

over the shoulder

icon maker

epic gamer maker

radical icon maker!!

maker-inator 2.0

pixel friend!

#here u go !!!!! i'll keep reblogging w more picrews and for once i WON'T tag it w ''self rb''#tina belcher #bob's burgers #my hcs #picrew

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all-chickens-are-trans · 2 years

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first of all, love that you just kinda. graduated your icon to a next level. looks like the inside of my brain.

now

trans ted- whats your timeline headcanon, like major points in the journey and all that

thank you thank you, once i figure out how to make the background a nonbinary pride flag (with my limited skills and apps) it's over for y'all

(no honestly i looked at several pictures of trent for several minutes and then i was like. i can't do it i can't choose another one so i just. upgraded this one 🙈)

second of all, oh lord. that's a tough one. i mentioned before that I started taking notes for a possible trans ted fic, and that's set after the events of s2, maybe even a while later. i think ted doesn't start the process of ~~realizing stuff until after his divorce. I think just like his bi awakening, the gender stuff is something he never really inspected too closely because he was too wrapped up in being michelle's husband, and that meant that both his gender and his sexuality revolved around that. (Being Henry's dad plays a big part on how he conceptualizes his gender, too, I think.)

(this is long af so here's a cut)

I'm gonna project here because of course I do that and say - ted's journey isn't linear. it's not like he has a realization at one point and then starts transitioning and then never looks back. it's more like. there were moments in his life. like when he was in middle school, he definitely grew his hair out at some point, right? little weird kid, obsessed with Queen, of course he did. (I'm not gonna say teenage ted with a mullet because neither me nor the world is ready for that but. i'm also not not saying it.)

And there you have this kid, round-faced and mild-mannered and definitely misunderstood by most of his peers, who also looks up to his father a lot. Of course he does, his father is a kind man, much nicer than most fathers Ted knows, and since Ted has trouble connecting to boys his age, he looks to his father as a role-model for masculinity. And he's like, yeah, I gotta be that, but better. I can make that work, if I just try harder and don't give up. The other boys may not always understand it, but Ted has chosen his path. He's not like these other boys and he doesn't want or need to be. He'll find his own way.

And then there's girls. Ted loves them, I'm sure he does. Especially this one he meets one day, just him and her, the only two people in that big parking lot. He wants to be good for her, the best boyfriend he can be, and later the best husband he can be, and even later the best father to their child he can be. He always goes the extra mile, but he also always feels like he just has to try a little harder. It's never quite enough, but surely, if he'll just does a little more, does it a little better, eventually he'll crack the code. he's happy, most of the time, at least as long as michelle is happy, and henry is happy. and if they're not happy, he'll be whatever they need him to be so they can be happy again. There's no need to think about himself.

Couple's therapy is rough, not only because it's Michelle and her therapist against him (or that's what it feels like at least), but also because for the first time in a long time, Ted is forced to look at himself. He's not allowed to look away. This isn't me saying he never self-reflects - I think he does that a lot actually - but it's very different to actively reflect on what kind of man you've been in your marriage and in your family, and how all the efforts you put in have often been more for your own sake than for the other person's. I think Ted scratches the surface of ~~realizing things there. Because he's been playing this part for so long, and for whom?? for what?? Always trying to be the man everyone needs him to be, but now finding out that's a burden he has placed on himself? Oh, that must hurt. I think it even hurts too much for Ted to dig deeper, to find a truth behind it.

That's later, after the divorce, at Richmond. The thing is this: Ted has been surrounded by men for most of his career, but even for a social butterfly like Ted, the way he connects to Higgins and Beard and Nathan and then Roy is a new thing. Beard as Ted's closest friend for decades might be weird, yes, but he's also way closer to the masculinity you'd expect from someone in sports - a little gruff, no lasting romantic relationships, emotionally unapproachable etc. He's Ted's levels of weird, but they've already been close for probably two decades, so they click on a different level. But with the others, Ted has a wide range of masculinities - Nathan's insecurities and Higgins the family man and the push-over, even Roy with his whole 'tough on the outside, soft on the inside' bit... Ted clearly values their input, respects them and all that, but sometimes, he still seems to set himself apart from them as well.

Now at the same time, i'm not sure there have been many women in Ted's life before Rebecca and Keeley - not that closely, not in the way of friendship and mutual respect. Keeley is one of the first people (maybe the first) at Richmond Ted genuinely connects with, and he's working hard to win over Rebecca, and he always meets them eye to eye.

And then there's the "Lavender" episode. Where Ted desperately tries to be part of Rebecca and Keeley's 'girl talk' in a way that blows my mind. (now we're at the point where tedbecca shippers may start to like me a little less - i'm sorry, friends, this is just my interpretation, i'm not trying to shit on yours or anything 🙈) Because they could have played this a dozen different ways - Ted could have been weirdly jealous of the guy Rebecca is talking to, he could have been uncomfortable from the vibes there. But no, he genuinely just wants to be a part of this kind of friendship, and all episode long, he makes an effort to learn the rules of it and adapt it. He later even applies what he has learned to the diamond dogs (the whole 'sometimes, people just need to talk about a thing and there needs to be no solution'), which i think is SUCH a cool choice. Because of course they could be saying here 'Instead of devaluing femininity, Ted lifts it up and learns from it' - but they go even beyond that. He says he wants to be Keeley multiple times a day AND he lets Rebecca use his hand to try out different nail polishes. He doesn't just play along to learn from it and adapt it for his own needs - no, he enjoys femininity for femininity's sake. Like I said, blows my fucking mind.

And I think somewhere there, somewhere after Nathan leaving when Ted is full of self-doubt, somewhere around the time he starts talking to Doctor Sharon for real - that's when a door opens for him to finally examine his gender.

And it's hard to say where that leads him, but holy shit, the possibilities excite me to no end.

#ted lasso #trans ted #i'm only ending this here because it's already getting impossibly long #but. you know i'm not done #i could never be done #my posts

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