#cuz i knew for a fact i could read better than several people in big reading group

[spookberry]

One of the funniest/dumbest literal thinking autism moments of my childhood happened when I was in 2nd grade. I was going to a new school so I was made to do a bunch of assessments to see where I placed in different subjects. I was most excited for the reading one cuz at my old school I was the best reader in my class, and I wanted to show off.

The lady testing me hands me this little short story and asks me to read it aloud.

And for some reason that I still don't understand to this day, a bunch of the words randomly had like lines or dots above the vowels. Which idk seems like an unnecessary and confusing thing to include when testing a 7 year old. Like you're gaslighting them into thinking theres extra letters in the alphabet. So obvi I ask what the symbols mean cuz I've never seen them in this context. She sorta brushes me off and says, word for word, "those mean you just say the letters name"

What she undoubtedly meant was: "on those words, the letter highlighted will sound like what its called. O with the line sounds O and not uh or ew or whatever"

What I understood was "Just Say the Letters Name"

So anyways i proceeded to read the story aloud, stopping suddenly every other word to pause cuz I wasnt supposed to say bow i was supposed to say o. I know for a fact at one point I just said a word and then stopped and repeated the sentence with just the letter so she HAD to've known I'd misunderstood her. But she said absolutely nothing. I remember walking outta there feeling like a complete idiot, and feeling so embarrassed when later they told my mom my reading skills were an entire grade behind where I should've been. But also looking back at it like wtf how could theyve possibly gotten an accurate understanding of my reading ability under those conditions.

#my mom argued with them on this cuz id been reading since i was three #and acted as a teachers assistant at my previous school cuz the teachers would make me help the other kids all the time #which convinced them to form a 'little reading group' which included me 2 boys from my grade and a girl from the grade below us #cuz we were all in between reading levels #made me so fuckin mad #cuz i knew for a fact i could read better than several people in big reading group #id had to sit in on their lessons a bunch of times #'i was a gifted student' oh yeah well i was in the smaller group for dumb kids how about that

[we-all-fall-underground]

Coming to you straight from Drama's art archive! It's:

A Dante Healy redesign~!

Look, we're all really attached to this design. I know this, because it was so freaking hard to make him look a certain way after changing up his lore. There's something about this look of Dante that screams: big nerd loser who's cynical towards others but takes his potion study very seriously and thinks he's better than you. Also he baby. It's confirmed:

BUT

Like I said, I changed his lore. And because I've waited too long because I didn't want to spoil anything, I'm gonna spill all the beans. So here we go, Dante's updated lore and why I'm changing his design. Please continue to the read more.

Old Dante

So, this is the beloved iconic look of Dante:

Very basic bare bones outfit, in fact, it was from his Undertale days. The purple became so attached, I decided to keep his old look into the fandomless world. He was supposed to be a potioneer/spell caster in this world, becoming the first human to control magic. Which is a VITAL story anchor to what motivates him and why he helps the other teens in the world of magic. He was supposed to be able to "create" a new form of magic, which I dubbed witchcraft. But like, it was way too obscure. So I began thinking about magic in the world, and wanted to take a different approach to how Dante discovers magic, and how could he replicate it for other humans to follow in his path, but also be more taboo.

So science inclined Dante? Scrapped. Going in the bin. I want ghostly, gloomy, magical history geek Dante. But... that look was hard to get. And ultimately, I'm still not satisfied with the look.

And so, I got inspiration from Chongyun from Genshin Impact, who's an exorcist. I had made an entire magic category that has to do with ghosts, undead, exorcists, and the like. I also have included things from Avatar the Last Airbender, where spirits used to possess people and completely change them when the first avatar was around. So long story short, I wanted Dante to have that ghostly look, and that lead to completely changing how he interacted with magic.

New Dante

But some key features of note: I was going to remove his glasses. It gave too much anime nerd vibe, and not cool mysterious vibe. Funny cuz I've drawn "cool Dante" without glasses too before.

Also, he NEEDED to have two accessories that would serve to be story telling design elements. See, Dante is now cursed. He was big on magical artifacts, collecting a ton and messing around with them to figure out what gave them their magical properties. Lo and behold, one of those were cursed, and contained a powerful Mi'shynayim spirit. It had tried almost immediately to take over Dante's body- again humans can't control magic, so he would've gone insane- but Dante was quick to grab multiple blessed/holy artifacts he collected. It tamed the spirit. Now usually, when a human gets possessed by magic, where it overtakes their body and begins to change them (like atla), they call upon exorcists and completely expell the spirit and magic. But Dante realized in that instant the balance that was in his control now. There would be several more times he would attempt control. But eventually his family found out about this and disowned him, because he refused to get exorcised. So that's how he ends up at the group home.

I didn't know exactly what to make the cursed item, but I knew the blessed object he'd keep on him to help tame the spirit would be a bracelet. And eventually, I figured the cursed object had to also stay on him, so that he could easily access it. And then just now, I took another crack into redesigning Dante, and we get this:

I might still change the cursed object because only now am I realizing it looks a little... like a vagina. But I want it to be something big enough to fit in his palm, but flat enough to punch a hole through so he could wear it as a necklace.

But also!!! He's now going to be tall! Tall boi! I don't know how much taller compared to the other tall boys, but I wanted that lanky vibe as well. Oh!!! And I also changed his hair, because again, it was too iconic and connected to the nerd vibe. But hey, who knows if I'll be satisfied with this as well.

With this change, it also changes the way Dante and Kaipo learn about magic together, and thus makes it much more shocking as to why Kaipo can cast spells every now and then. Because it's no longer because Dante has been teaching them spells; Dante is still trying to learn them on his own. Perhaps the spirit is exuding a magical aura, affecting the others?? Who knows~? :)

#character design #dante healy #oc art #artists on tumblr

[the-firebird69]

Watch "CMT's Orange County Choppers - First Look" on YouTube

They start a new season this year and kind of fell flat and they do a show like once a month if that your son is putting in here for a different reason. It's for Sunday Tuttle and she's doing fine now very healthy approaching 9 ft he says that's a little big and we say bigger than this is birdies and all sorts of things are being sad but no and it's about the tunnels and these people their last name is Tuttle slightly different spelling but that's what it means they witness the babies and the timing and they can't figure it out they saw his DNA recently and they saw in the past we couldn't figure it out they knew it was different and really different and hers was very different from his which is weird and then they said this today he's got super mutants and they're running it we know nothing about it and he's trying to face SmackDown and they're just going to be in our midst making sure that nobody gets anything and we have to grab them and all this stuff but that's what they're saying but then sitting here with people not even trying to look for them and we know why and our son knows why and Hera knows why see when they're on killing people that look like them and so on and they killed himself a lot their DNA was never off it was never weird and nobody has record of it and the way they hit him it's really funny in the exact bunkers that they were trying to find them in they tried reading it several times and they couldn't get there and John remillard AKA Trump defended them as Governor Weld mostly and Dukakis and that's how it works in the beginning so he's pissed off about it her son had no choice and he was being a big dick about everything, we hate to say it but they're all over the businesses and people can see their bigger and you can't figure it out and we're there too and we're big but right now you guys are trying to evacuate he's next door making this list of stuff they need for each ship it's not bad it's not the greatest but it's like a c minus or c grade and I'm sure that you come up with better but he's figuring out things he can get which is not bad they don't want to they don't think they have to force their way there but they're making chips right now and by the billions everywhere huge numbers and Trump lost a few of his late on areas which is not too big but he had about 80 and now he has about 60 but he's making them all over the world anyways and it's making pasta go to the ocean and it's a huge deal for everybody to see these people doing this and pretty soon they're going to have so many ships out there it's not funny they're going to go back and forth and just pick people up. So I think the clones might be sending a warning that he says it's like okay so they don't have businesses without seeing them out there is what they might be thinking it might not be true

Thor Freya

Define huge people down there we're just going to kill him and he says you all die with them because it's nothing that can really hit him except stuff that will kill you too and we're aware of that no so we do see it's a problem we've been a huge nuisance and he's been doing stuff because of it we don't know if it's true it could be Billy z and Mac gang up on him but I do remember the children and I remember everyone saying they can't find them and we are those people too and nobody said they did even Mac it's like Passover and in fact they were doing that too in my area is at my bunkers and they said that was more than helpful in forthcoming and making that happen because of the deranged attitude so used it and who wouldn't really tons of people don't know a lot of people say I can't figure out what you're saying so you going to take the stuff back this is a bit lewd and rude for some reason I don't really care cuz they're not the ones doing all this garbage and Mac wanted them to do it and for some reason I think they wanted us to be the protection so they eat away at us to grab them it's not funny but it's really gross but what he says is his children are different but the grandchildren are not human and he's going to get his ass kicked and will probably see it a little but maybe not because we're all going away to run away from my responsibilities our opportunities in society like we do from time to time it's actually true we can't stand it anymore and I can't stand it here I sort of get that though we're doing something very illegal all the time I did find the law and it's against the law so people are just bothering you with it and he knows that and this is what they're bothering him for and Billy z you felt it this morning and we didn't and we're the ones who be going first and with certainty. Because he can hand it off to the max by saying we're not there and I've seen him do it so what the f*** are we doing this for we have to

Trump

#Youtube

[sugamamacustard]

Please don’t let me go

Pairing:  Alpha! Tetsuro Kuroo x Omega! Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, NSFW

Request: HIII my favourite author!!! Happy new year 💜. Wishing you a very happy 2021. Ok sooo i got a scenario In mind. You don't have to write it if you don't want to Reader (half wolf/half omega, and if you don't write half wolf, then omega) in a pack (maybe like you know joint nekoma, fukorodani and karasuno but it's ok if you don't write that, only nekoma then in case) where their pack hasn't exactly accepted them, they're very cold with her. Reader , who has madly been in love with kuroo (cuz I'm such a kuroo lover) for very long, doesn't mind and continues to take care of everyone, making sure their ok and basically like having a soft sweet motherly attitude despite how they treat reader. But at one point reader is just fed up and feels very hurt, thinking they hate them and blames themselves. They also have to keep seeing kuroo bring in other girls for his heat and that Hurts them a lot. So reader thinks they never needed them and slowly stops contacting them. That's when everyone realises they fucked up and tried to find them but they can't. Until one day reader comes to practice and says their joining another pack and apologies for not being enough and all, how would the pack and kuroo, who loves them, stop them, apologize and make it up with them? Angst to fluff, and if you want idk if you write it but nsfw. You don't have to write it ofc! It's just a quick scenario that came to my mind. Please ignore this if you don't want to write it, and sorry if it's too specific and long 🥺

Summary:   You were excited when the other packs joined yours, even finding solace in one of the alphas of one, but suddenly, you weren’t needed. Wanted. Not what he desired. And that hurt. So you do the only thing you can think of. Try to find someone who will comfort your poor omega heart.

Author’s Note: I’m your favorite 🥺 🥺 Happy new year babes!  And I was reading this, and I just kept getting more and more ideas and began writing it right away Hope you enjoy!

Requests: Open!

Keep in Mind! This heavily based off of my Dragon/Shifter! AU from my mainblog! (@Angstyclowns) . The long short of it, is that Shifters have three forms. The first, is completely human. Though the person still has some attributes (Better sight, smell, hearing, etc.) they don’t have any visible features. The second form gives the shifter about half of their features. Tails, ears, wings, fangs, things like that. The third is the “full form”. This is a full dragon, wolf, cat, dog, etc.. You aren’t able to talk in this form, but you do have full control of your actions. I can go into more depth in this AU! if you all want, be sure to let me know!

Tetsuro Kuroo

➵ The Fukorodani pack was big. Huge maybe. 

➵ It was made up of three different, smaller, packs that had combined for both numbers and power. Karasuno, (the namesake) Fukorodani, and Nekoma. 

➵ You were originally apart of Fukorodani, only really close with Akaashi and Bokuto and had yet to get close with anyone else. 

➵ You still cared for them though. 

➵ You prepped meals in the morning, making enough for everyone. 

➵ Made sure you always had band-aids just in case.

➵ You took the role of pack omega well. 

➵ But people still seemed to hold you at an arms length. 

➵ You at first brushed it off, as they were getting used to being in such a big pack, but as they got more comfortable with Bokuto and Akaashi, you began to feel this sense of unease. 

➵ It was obvious they didn’t trust you, but you couldn’t quite place why. 

➵ It soon got to the point where even Akaashi and Bokuto were spending less and less time with you. 

➵ Your omega was hurt and you felt completely deserted. 

➵ You had no idea what was happening. Did you do something wrong?

➵ You didn’t think so. You just did what you always did. Maybe you were too clingy. 

➵ Too overbearing. 

➵ Yeah, that was it. Right? 

➵ Too much too soon. 

➵ So you slowly began pulling away. You stopped making breakfast (Staying in your nest and feigning being asleep when Akaashi or Suga would come check up on you.). 

➵ Stopped carrying medical supplies. Which hurt at first when Hinata or Noya would excitedly ask you for a cartoon printed band-aid, but immediately frowned when you said you didn’t have any.

➵ You just stopped...caring? 

➵ You went on runs a lot more, staying out later and later and leaving earlier and earlier. There were days when no one saw you at all-- Bokuto ending up crying on those days, almost as if his alpha knew you were pulling away. 

➵ He would make an effort to spend the next day with you but then the process would just repeat itself. He’d be gone with Kuroo for days, weeks on end and you were stuck alone one more time. 

➵ “We always have an opening.” Daishou hummed, stretching his arms out as his forked tongue wiggled between his lips. Your tail swiped behind you as your ears fell back. “We could use a wolf like you. Strong legs, strong jaw, good looks-” 

➵ “Don’t.” You sighed, wrapping your tail around your waist and wringing it gently with your hands. “I appreciate the offer, but I- I can’t. I just-”

➵ “I get it. It’s that damned cat, yeah?” The olive haired alpha smirked, playing with one of his scaled fingers. He chuckled at your red cheeks, licking his teeth all the while.  

➵ It was not secret that you fell for the Pack alpha of Nekoma, Kuroo, quickly. Though Daishou (A snake shifter that you ran into during one of your all day runs) didn’t approve of the crush, he didn’t interfere with it. He respected it, in fact, encouraging it on days he felt good. 

➵ You could honestly say Daishou was one of your closest friends at the moment. He always allowed you into his territory, his pack supporting and loving you all the while. 

➵ He had offered to let you join his pack, in fact, but you turned him down. You were tied with Fukorodani, with Akaashi, with Bokuto. They were your family.

➵ Whether or not they saw you the same way, that was how you saw them. 

➵ Your inner omega kept reminding you that Daishou was also your family. 

➵ You suppose the final straw was seeing Kuroo laughing with some random Beta girl. She smelled like cheap perfume, making you reel. You merely watched as he kissed her neck, nipping her ear, quickly taking her to his room. His rut was around the corner so you knew what was going on. 

➵ Didn’t mean you had to like it though. 

➵ Maybe like a rebellious teenager, this kicked off that side you had been hiding.

➵ Instead of disappearing for a day every few weeks, you disappeared for days, one right after the other. You would pop in for a change of clothes, shift into your wolf and you were gone. 

➵ You were strategic about it too. You made sure one person saw you enter, just to assure everyone else you were alive. You made sure they were far enough away they couldn’t catch you even if they shifted-- which most did. They tried to talk to you, just once.

➵ But you had routes made in the deep of night to get you out of sight, running through water to get rid of your scent, just doing everything to make you disappear. 

➵ And slowly, but surely, Daishou and his pack began considering you their omega, just as you began forgetting about the Fukorodani pack. 

➵ Everyone on the other side just got worse though. More often than not, meals were either ordered in or skipped all together. Alphas snapped on each other, Betas snarled in retaliation, omegas were hissing and closing in. 

➵ While Bokuto and Akaashi were expected to be the worst of this all, they weren’t. While they growled and hissed and snapped, they didn’t snarl. They were recluse and kept away, looking for you day in and day out instead. 

➵ The worst of all was Kuroo. He snarled and snapped, baring his teeth at anyone who crossed his path. That beta girl? She ran out a week ago, bleeding from her hand because Kuroo had bitten her for touching him when he told her to go away. 

➵ Even Kenma had been on the receiving end of a near-close call, making everyone turn their attention to what his issue was. 

➵ They only got their answer on one of the few short trips you made back. You smelled heavily like the territory next door, so much so they could smell it from your room while you were re-packing your bag. 

➵ Your nest had been dismantled and one of the several blankets in there was folded and you began putting it into your bag, only for Kuroo to slam open your door. 

➵ You chirped in surprise, crawling back from the seething alpha. He was angry, you could tell, and you didn’t want to get in his way. 

➵ You bowed your head, quickly zipping up your bag before making your way to the window. 

➵ You couldn’t deal with him right now. Not with your feelings, not with his anger. You just couldn’t. 

➵ “Where the fuck are you going?” He hissed, stomping to your window and shutting it before you could crawl through. 

➵ “I- I don’t- Just-”

➵ He stopped you, sniffing your neck. “You smell like him.”

➵ “Who’s him?”

➵ “That fucking snake! Who else?!” Teeth are dragged dangerously down your neck, making you shudder. “What the fuck are you doing near him?”

➵ “Dai-”

➵ “Don’t fucking say his name. Answer the question. Why were you near him?! His pack?! We are right here. We’re your pack. Not them.” He sounded close to exploding,  making you whine as you withdrew. 

➵ He ran a hand through his hair as he paced in front of you. “Were we not good enough? Huh? You needed another pack? WHY WEREN’T WE GOOD ENOUGH?!” 

➵ You didn’t realize it, but you began shaking, slowly drawing in on yourself, trying to seem as small as possible. 

➵ You didn’t want to make the alpha angry. Why was he so angry? 

➵ “Tell me!” Looking up, you hiccupped as tears began streaming down your face, Kuroo having his own tears dripping down his cheeks. “Why wasn’t I good enough?”

➵ He collapsed in front of you, hands yanking on his hair. 

➵ And while you were hesitant, you slowly crept closer. He was shaking his head by the time you got close enough to hear him whispering “Please don’t leave.” Making your heart and omega whine. 

➵ “I-” You stopped. What was there to say? All of a sudden he wanted you here? Where was he the past however many weeks? 

➵ You wanted to scream at him. Turn and leave through the window anyway. 

➵ Leave this pack, and Kuroo, behind. 

➵ “Don’t leave me. I don’t care about the rest of them-- maybe Kenma-- but don’t leave me. Please. I can’t handle- I can’t handle not seeing you everyday. I thought I could. I thought I could fill the void with meaningless flings, but they couldn’t even touch me before I was aching for you. “ He was sobbing now, tears dripping down his cheeks. 

➵ You hesitantly wrapped an arm around his shoulder, allowing him to cry into your shoulder. He held you tightly, refusing to let you slip through his fingers as he almost had. 

➵ “I-I don’t- I don’t know what you want from me anymore, Kuroo. I-I tried staying, and that didn’t work. I tried leaving, and that didn’t work either. I don’t want to leave but I can’t stay. I’m so touch starved and I can’t keep living like this!” You cried out, frustrated with all the mixed signals around you. 

➵ What did your pack want from you?

➵ “We’ll fix it! I swear, I’ll fix it myself. I swear on my life. I’ll fix it. Fix myself. Make myself that alpha you deserve. Please.”

➵ You said nothing. Only allowing him to hold you close. 

___NSFW___

➵ “Tetsuro!” You squealed, laughing as soft kisses were laced down your thighs. 

➵ “Kitten~” He responded, suckling a hickey right near your cunt. 

➵ You were wearing nothing but his sweatshirt and he was rabid seeing you, his pretty omega all nice and ready for him. 

➵ And his cock. 

➵ Sitting up, he pulled you onto his thighs with a swift movement, making you laugh once more.

➵ He smirked down at you once you calmed down, pressing a sweet peck to your lips, making you hum with satisfaction. 

➵ His hands trailed under his shirt to rest on your hips, keeping you close to him. You seemed so ethereal, sitting in the light that filtered through the window-- oranges and reds highlighting your body.

➵ “I love you. I love you so much.” He huffed, leaning his forehead onto yours, feeling the heat of your smile against his lips. 

➵ “I love you too, Tetsuro.” Another peck was pressed to his lips. 

➵ His heart felt so full, having you in his arms, having you in his grasp. He just couldn’t let you go. 

➵ He had almost done that once. 

➵ But he would never make the same mistake again. 

___

His cock dragged slowly out of your walls, sending shocks of pleasure and sensation wavering through your body as you shuddered. It wasn’t often you got to see the slow and sensual side of Tetsuro-- the one that would kiss your bond mark, the one that would tear up as he spilled praise after praise into your ear, the one that would hold a hand on your chest just to feel your thundering heartbeat only to pull your hand up to feel his own, which was just as bad--but when you did it left you  just breathless as he always did. There were days when you just needed this side and he always picked up on that, but some days he needed the solace he got with it as well. 

You’d always enable it, purring and whispering your own praises to him, kissing his temples when his emotions bubbled far to quickly for him to properly absorb, spilling over.  

It was times like this, when his forehead rested against your shoulder, did you feel closest. His pants were hot against your already flushed skin, adding already to your sensitive body. 

Running a hand through his hair, you waited for him to give you an indicator of what he wanted. What he needed from you at that very moment. 

When he didn’t move it hit you. He just wanted you close. To keep you close. To remind himself you were still there. To remind himself he won the war. He won you. He finally got the queen to his kingdom. The one he wanted from the star. 

And you would indulge him, running your both your hands through his hair and holding him close.  Even if you pretended not to feel the happy tears falling onto your shoulder. 

____

Soft sex Kuroo had me  🥺 🥺 

#alpha/beta/omega #alpha/beta/omega AU #alpha/beta/omega verse #haikyuu!! #a/b/o haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #alpha kuroo #alpha kuroo tetsuro #kuroo x reader #alpha kuroo tetsuro x omega reader #alpha kuroo x omega reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #custard writes #Kuroo likes soft sex #no i don't take criticism

[kikyan]

Izaya Ending

His ending is here along with the smut! MDI after the cut! ALSO I RLLY HAD TO HAVE A FRIEND HELP ME WITH THE SMUT CUZ I WAS SO EMBARRASED TO WRITE IT ALL OMFG-

TW: Dub-con! Degration! Name calling! Oral Sex (both giving and receiving)! Collar! Choking! Vaginal Sex/Penetration! Think that’s it if not lmk!

ALSO I RLLY USED THE MOST WATTPAD BASIC ASS LANGUAGE FOR THIS SMUT THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW THIS SHIT WAS WRITTEN YEARS AGO

PART ONE

“Oh? It seems he even has the Dollars searching for you!” 

“ Izaya, please I apologize for anything that I did that caused you to do this, but I need to get back to Shizuo!” 

“ And do what? Apologize for my actions and say everything is fine? You truly are different than other humans (Y/N)! Besides, does Shizu-chan know?” 

“ K-know what?” 

“You can drop the act. I know who you are (Y/N) or should I sa-?!” 

“ Izaya, I won’t ask you again. Please, I apologize for what I said or did but I must return to my fiance.” 

“ I can’t do that (Y/N). You thought you had me fool, no you thought you had the whole world fooled, but unlike Shizu-chan, I know the real you. You are far too unique, too precious to be in the hands of that brute, that damned monster!” 

“ IZAYAAAAAA! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE AND GIVE ME MY DAMN FIANCE!” 

“ Speak of the Devil, he really did arrive, didn’t he? (Y/N) it’s better if you stay, wait no- I want you to see God punish his worthless creation, than have his Goddess forgive him and the cycle continues!” 

Grabbing her arm, (Y/N) was dragged to the door where Shizuo lay in waiting/ Shizuo’s eyes lit up with hope as (Y/N) arrived, quickly scanning her to ensure that she was not harmed by Izaya. 

“ This is low, even for you Izaya. What the hell do you want anyway?” 

“ I want (Y/N) of course! How rude of you to keep her from society, from me! She is too perfect, in fact, she is perfection! I can’t stand you of all people, a damn monster near her!” 

“ If I am a monster, what the hell does that make you?” 

“ That hurt Shizu-chan, but I’m sure my goddess, (Y/N) would forgive you nonetheless!” 

Grabbing a stop sign Shizuo prepared to swing at Izaya before seeing (Y/N) duck down. 

‘This is too dangerous for (Y/N)! I have to lead him away. . .’ 

“ You see (Y/N)! This monster swung at you! I told you, he would only hurt you! Stay with me, my Goddess!” 

Taking his knife out, he swung it at Shizuo cutting him horizontally across his chest. As Shizuo remained unfazed he swung the sign hitting Izaya as well sending him flying back inside the apartment complex. As Izaya got up and grabbed the knife and (Y/N), before placing the knife under (Y/N)’s throat causing her to panic slightly. 

“ (Y/N)! Izaya you damned bastard! Let her go, that’s low. . .” 

“ It’s fine! Besides, my Goddess is so forgiving, I'm sure she will let this slide! In fact, I feel as if instead of the way I initially thought, it was you Shizuo who used (Y/N)!” 

Catching him off guard Shizuo looked down from (Y/N) with a hurtful expression as he pondered if he did truly use her as Izaya said. 

“ Kid. . . ding. . .!” 

With that Izaya took this time to spin (Y/N) from his hold and bolted to Shizuo, knife ready and a gun to end this beast’s life. As Shizuo looked up he failed to notice the blade approaching fast, approaching close to his eye until it did, leading to Izaya stabbing Shizuo in the eye causing him to crouch down in pain and hold his eye that was bleeding profusely. Izaya held the gun on his forehead before looking down with insanity filled eyes and a smile to top off the look. 

“ Shizuo, let’s ask (Y/N) if she forgives you for using her?” 

Turning to the side he was met with (Y/N) sobbing as she looked at him straight in the eyes before blurting out, “ Izaya, please! Leave Shizuo alone! He did nothing wrong! I’ll do whatever you want me to do just please leave him b-!?” 

“ Oh but (Y/N), you already are. He did nothing wrong? That sounds like forgiveness! Now Shizuo, any last words?” 

Turning slightly noticing he lost the battle and that Izaya won, he mumbled a small “ I love you (Y/N), forgive me” before having his life taken away as well as his fiance. 

“ SHIZUO!” 

(Y/N) ran to catch his body as she sobbed louder before clutching his arm, the one that held his engagement ring. Looking at his corpse (Y/N) continued saying “I FORGIVE YOU I’M SORRY PLEASE, PLEASE COME BACK!” 

“ Heh. . . hehe, ha, haha, HAHAHAAHAHAHA! THIS IS SPLENDID! THIS IS GREAT! THAT DAMNED MONSTER IS GONE! MY GODDESS IS MINE AND MINE ONLY NOW! HEY (Y/N), YOU FORGIVE ME, RIGHT? I MEAN, ON THE BRIGHT SIDE NOW THERE ISN’T A SHIZUO TO EDGE ON, RIGHT?” 

“ . . . I-I-I-I-I. . . I f-forgive y-you. . . I forgive you Izaya. . .” 

“ SEE I KNEW IT! ISN’T MY GODDESS WONDERFUL? NO MATTER THE CRIME SHE WILL ALWAYS FORGIVE! OH (Y/N) YOU TRULY ARE SPECIAL AND ONE OF A KIND!” 

Crouching down to hug (Y/N) from behind, Izaya smiled before speaking. 

“ Indeed (Y/N), you truly are special! Who would have guessed in a million years that I would meet the one who changed me! The one who became my goddess, the one who made me see humanity in a new light!” 

“ I-I-Izaya. . . why me. . .? 

“ Why you ask? Simple, it’s because . . . yOu’Re My FaVoRiTe HuMaN~” 

Standing on the rooftop Izaya was speaking with a female in pigtails as he began to tell her that she wasn’t really planning on killing herself and that she had one or two secrets that she didn’t tell anyone, so if her parents had one. . . what was the big deal? 

“ All humans lie, hide things, no one really makes it through this life being completely honest. Everyone's the same, no exceptions! Well, that is what I thought until I met (Y/N) (l/n) but I’ll let her do the rest from here on out. What you choose to do is on you in the end so choose carefully~!” 

Walking out to the edge with the girl (Y/N) looks and stares at the blood splatter as she turns to her and says, “ we humans will commit the worst of crimes, murder, robbery, rape, you name it. Though, the biggest crime any human can commit and go about not knowing is lying to yourself and making a mistake thinking it will solve the issue. Do not fear, I am not judging you I just want you to know, no matter what you choose to do tonight, I forgive you and I assure you, a second chance is waiting for you all! So please, on the bright side, you now know what is happening and now you know what you can do to change it!” 

The girl began to sob as she clutched onto (Y/N) sobbing and pouring her heart out with her smiling as she looked at the girl. After some time she finally left and (Y/N) looked up to the moon before hearing Izaya speak once again before hugging her and smiling. 

“ Who would have known, so tell me is this you speaking (Y/N)? Or is it Saika?” 

“ You can rest assure it’s me Izaya, but please don’t mention Saika.” 

“ I never imagined someone as happy and cheerful as you to wield Saika, more importantly, go through something as traumatic as you have. Oh well, that’s life I guess! I’ll be waiting by the door whenever you wish to leave my Goddess. . .” 

“ Alright. . .” 

As (Y/N) stared at the moon and then the red blood splatter she began to recall that memory, that small memory that started it all. 

~ 

In a small room all alone lived a young girl in her ‘timeout punishment’ as they called it. It was actually isolation, for three days the young girl hasn’t eaten and was barely drinking enough water to stay alive, but who was she to complain? Looking out she saw several children walking around and playing and it began to sadden the young girl as she could not join them for a small game of tag. Her mother was most likely with some other man and so was her father. As they argued and took out their stress out on other people, such as their daughter (Y/N), they failed to realize the young girl apologize for everything. 

Blood stained the nice mats and floors as two bodies lay on top of each other with wounds in their stomachs causing their entrails to leap out. 

“ I’m sorry mother and father! I apologize, if I wasn’t so weak then this never would have happened. On the bright side, I have freedom now! I also heard that I can play with the neighborhood kids too! Ah, don’t look at me like that mom! I know that I caused you so much pain, but you did too! I know for a fact that I should have done so much more but it’s fine mother! Father was upset when I defied the orders but then again father always got mad!  I ended up reading a book on how to make friends and it said that I should try to make them happy and if I make them sad to apologize! I love people mom and dad! I’m scared they won’t like me or worse hate me! Which is why I need to make them happy, which is why I need to be happy!  I don’t know when they are sad so I will just apologize if I do something you would disapprove of mom, dad!” 

~ 

Looking down from the moon (Y/N) smiled before turning to face Izaya and walking side by side. He too was hurt and didn’t know how else to cope so it was fine! Besides, you’ve made so many friends so any sacrifice that was paid was rightfully paid! After all, you were his goddess and he treated you like one! You’ve made so many friends so it’s been working right! Well whatever, just remember that (Y/N) is afraid of people hating her and never wanting her, so treat a friend right before you start to see not only you fall but they themselves. 

“ What are you thinking about (Y/N)?” 

“ Nothing much Izaya, c’mon let’s go home if that’s all. I still have dinner to make!” 

“Indeed, so what are we making?” 

“ well, what’s your favorite meal?” 

“Well, what was Shizu-chan’s favorite meal?” 

“ Well. . . if you want we can make that. . .” 

“ Then it’s settled! Hey (Y/N). . . you don’t hold it against me for killing Shizu-chan do you?” 

(Y/N) turned to look at Izaya who held the same crazed expression as he did when he pulled the trigger. Shaking her head (Y/N) looked up to smile at Izaya before mouthing, ‘I forgive you Iza-chan!” 

Smiling at the nickname he approached the girl standing before him as he grabbed her by the waist before kissing her softly. Soon after the kiss turned heated as his tongue found its way next to the girls as their tongues entwined together. Feeling the need to breathe, they separated as their only connection was the string of saliva that hung from both of their lips.  

" You are just so forgiving and unpredictable. . . It's exciting to see what our dear (Y/N)-chan will do when faced with a predicament but I think it's more exciting to see how much you of all people can hold on, can withstand before you break! Don't worry my Goddess, because you have me to help you!" 

"Thank you Iza-chan! I appreciate that you will make me happy as much as I make you happy!" 

Grabbing the (h/c) haired female, Izaya began to walk downstairs with his goddess in hand as his mind raced and began to wonder, how far would your relationship with Shizuo last, that is if he was still alive? Well, whatever the case was, Izaya wasn't going to lose to Shizuo so with a sadistic, yet smug grin, he turned to the female he held in his hand and said, 

"(Y/N) - Chan. . . How does a baby sound to you?" 

Pushing Y/N onto the bed, Izaya began to remove his jacket. Pressing kisses onto her neck, mumbling to himself about how this child would be absolutely perfect.

"I-Iza. . .?" 

"Shh. . . (Y/N) - Chan~ don't worry~ The pain you will experience will only make you stronger, our baby will be the summit of all of humanity. Our child will be born to be the perfect mix of our best qualities.”

"Iza. . . I-I. . . If you want a baby then I'll give you one, I'll give birth to our baby. . ." 

" Perfect~ Just to make sure that monster hasn't tainted you, he didn't touch you did he?" 

"No. . . We decided to wait till marriage. . . But it's fine Iza! I mean the one I love is well. . . you isn't it?" 

Not liking the response the young girl gave him Izaya smirked before turning to a straight face filled with anger and lust. 

"That's perfect!~ That means I'll be your first right (Y/N)-chan?"

“O-Of course! You’ll be my very first Iza!”

"That's perfect! (Y/N), you should do more than love me, you should worship you me like your God, your savior, and your salvation. So until then, until I know I have your life, love, admiration, and belief, you are just a lowly human that doesn't deserve my attention."

"Iza! I'm sorry for what I said, but I hope you still know I love y-!?" 

"Apologizing isn't enough (Y/N) - Chan!~ You need to show me you mean it! Show me your love, your faith, show me who you belong to, lowly human. . . " 

" W-w-what should I do?" 

"Well. . . That's up to you to decide! I'm sure Shizuo asked you to do something naughty before right~" 

"W-w-well t-t-that's-!?"

" So you aren't denying it! Well, I guess I'll have you so the same but show more devotion to me! Show me your love!" 

Understanding what he meant (Y/N) turned to the side before nodding and proceeded to get off the bed getting on the floor before nearing Izaya again. 

Izaya began to smirk seeing how submissive (Y/N) was acting and decided to edge her on more.

"Let's make a bet (Y/N) chan~" 

"A bet?" 

(Y/N) tilted her head slightly adding to her "cute" factor causing Izaya to smirk seeing how he was about to taint his Goddess before that monster did. 

"Yes! Let's see. . . Oh! I know! If you can show me your faith by simply being a little naughty then I'll reward you! If not, you'll get punished!" 

"P-p-punished?!" 

(Y/N) scared expression causing Izaya to harden upon her expression. 

"After all, a lowly human like you has to be punished already for doubting in your God! Now (Y/N) - Chan, let's start!" 

(Y/N) began to near Izaya's jeans and nervously began to unbuckle them before turning away with red dusting her facial features. 

"Aww is a sinner embarrassed to face her punishment? Her God?" 

Nodding slowly, (Y/N) began to turn around to face Izaya who was smirking as he saw the young girl timidly stare at his erect member. 

(Y/N) began to fumble with his boxers as she blushed before thinking about the previous time she did something like this. It was late afternoon, Shizuo and (Y/N) had a mini drinking competition which lead to some intense moments. As soon as her mind came back to her she realized that Izaya's member was exposed and she was staring at it. 

A small chuckle brought her out of her daze before she remembered that she needed to do this, to avoid punishment, she didn't mind doing what she was going to do, but if she didn't do well, she was going to be punished and she feared that a lot more. 

(Y/N) began to near his member and placed a small kiss upon the tip causing Izaya to shift a little as he stared at the female below him as she nervously wrapped her lips about his member, begin to slowly suck on it. 

Izaya tilted his head back as he tried to silence his moans. His Goddess was tempting him, in fact, he had to restrain himself from taking her then and there. 

"A-a-ah. . . (Y/N)-c-chan. . . ~"  

Letting small moans escape his mouth he looked down to see the young female, she was red from embarrassment and small tears slipping from her eyes as she continued to tease the young male. 

As the female began to suck a little harder, Izaya bit his lip but it was futile as he huffed a little before letting out soft moans. 

"(Y/N) - chan!~ I-I-I a-a-ahh~" 

Letting his lust get the best of him he grabbed (Y/N)'s hair and pushed her mouth further in causing her to choke a little and to deep throat him. Getting used to his length was difficult for the young girl as she was trying to match the speed of his forcefulness and her own. 

Izaya was shaking a little as he began to chuckle as he stared deep into the girl’s eyes before whispering and grunting a little in response. 

"S-so (Y/N)-chan. . No more like a lowly human. . . Do you believe that was enough? Are you going to finish and follow through with your punishment?" 

(Y/N) continued to suck on his member before hearing more smaller grunts indicating he was close and he was. Izaya was blushing as he continued biting his lip, although this degrading was a big turn on for him and hopefully his "lowly human" he couldn't conceal his excitement as he let one more moan out before releasing inside the girl’s mouth. 

"Swallow." 

(Y/N), already a step ahead, began to swallow the male’s cum making sure to get any leftovers around her mouth. 

"Good job, but I still didn't feel your devotion, your faith in your actions. Nonetheless, I did feel pleasure, so I'll reward you my lowly human~" 

Izaya began to reach for a collar of some sort before showing it off to (Y/N). As she soon understood the message she allowed him to place it on her, she made sure her hair wasn't a bother as she allowed Izaya to gently place it around her neck. Soon after it was placed Izaya noticed how the collar had a circular ring piece in the center and as he smirked he allowed his fingers to wrap around the ring before yanking it causing (Y/N) to jerk forward and meeting his hungry gaze. 

"You were so good, but not good enough. . . Out of my utter kindness as your God. . . I'll pleasure you as well lowly human." 

"I-Iza. . . I-I-I l-love y-yo-?!" 

"THROUGH ACTION! NOT WORDS, ACTION!" 

Izaya grabbed the collar and dragged you to the bed, not before turning and witnessing your red face, you were being slightly choked due to the tightness of the collar, small tears from the previous event and the biggest turn on, you were drooling a bit and it was so cute, like a little ahegao face. 

" You look so fucking hot, are you tempting me? Do you wish to seduce me and make me forget your crimes? Well, that won't work human, but that doesn't mean I can't play with you~" 

"I-Izaya w-what are you doin- a-a-ahh~" 

Small moans escaped from the girl’s mouth as Izaya began to kiss her, his tongue entering her mouth and slowly melting together with hers causing ultimate bliss. Halfway during the kiss, Izaya's hands wandered downwards to the girl’s jeans before he unbuckled them and proceeded to pull them down causing the girl to gasp. 

"Izaya! W-wait!?" 

" I believe you mean God~" 

(Y/N)'s jeans were removed as Izaya's fingers began to near her clothed womanhood. As he massaged your clit through your (f/c) underwear he smirked as he saw his goddess bright red and soft moans and mewling sounds as he made her feel pleasure. Soon after his fingers made it inside and he massaged her womanhood with much ease and it drove poor (Y/N) crazy. 

"I-Izaya. . ." 

" I think you mean God my lowly human!~" 

"G-God. . . I-I f-feel strange. . ." 

" Not yet! Don't tell me that's all! Well, I guess I better start!" 

Izaya neared (Y/N) womanhood as his tongue went to meet her clit and massaged it ever so gently. Making sure she could experience everything he made sure to hold onto her thighs before sucking and nibbling lightly against the bundle of nerves. Causing her back to arch, (Y/N) moaned in pleasure before Izaya began to change not only where he was attacking but the speed. He slid his tongue up and down one last time before he used his tongue to plunge into (Y/N) womanhood. His tongue went in and out of you as you moaned loudly, it was driving you over the edge. Soon after he stopped before getting up and returning back to his position, straddling you but he replaced his tongue with his finger gaining more access. To start off "soft" he allowed two fingers to access the girl plunging them in and out at a small pace before adding another and going faster causing the girl to moan and turn to face her God. 

" I-I-I f-feel f-funny. . ." 

" It's only a matter of time, my dear human." 

(Y/N) began to feel a knot in her abdomen, it was getting more intense and tight with each time his fingers went inside of her. As she was reaching the point of no return he began to speed up as (Y/N) let out one more moan before her body trembled as her eyes slightly rolled back as her juices sprayed everywhere especially on Izaya's fingers. Izaya smirked before seductively removing his finger from inside of (Y/N) and licked them before smiling softly. He leaned down to whisper, 

"That was amazing! You taste so sweet I can't get enough of it!~ but. . . I think it's time we moved onto the main event don't you think, my lowly human, my little slut. . ." 

It was only at this point that (Y/N) noticed the mirror facing the bed. It was a large, floor mirror that gave the observer a good view of the bed. It hadn’t been there before meaning one thing: Izaya had bought it just for this event.

“Ah, I see you’ve noticed it, finally! The perfect instrument for this night of trial! It’s there to test you, you see. . .”

Izaya’s hands snaked around (Y/N) to the back of her shirt. From there, he pulled one of the straps holding her shirt up, letting the tie unravel. 

“You didn’t really think that our fun, little night would end here, did you? I said we were gonna have a main event; an event with a special little treat for you, my lowly slut. Take it all off, we shouldn’t waste any time!”

(Y/N) sat up in shock. Izaya was being too candid, too forward. The darkness of the room led to Izaya’s face having dark shadows. The look made him too lustful and brought a familiar knot to (Y/N)’s abdomen.

Leaning in, Izaya whispered, “Hurry up.”

With shaking hands, (Y/N) brought her hands to her top and took it off in one swoop. The air suddenly surrounded her and she felt ever colder. The easy part was over, but now came the bra. She had been dying to take it off ever since they arrived home, but she couldn’t have expected that it would be in this situation. 

She could feel her face flushing red as she undid the hooks behind her back. She couldn’t bear to face Izaya, but she could still feel his lustful gaze directed towards her. She could feel him surveying every part of her body in arousal.

When she finally slipped the garment off, her body may have been cold but she could still feel the heat pouring between her legs. The air enveloped her body and made her nipples harden up. They perked up even more when Izaya brought his face closer to her.

“No matter what, I want you to look at me. It’s the very least a whore like you can do during this. If you can prove yourself through this, then you’ll get through this next trial~”

Without breaking his gaze, Izaya began to descend upon her chest. Taking one bud into his mouth, he began to swirl his tongue around it. His other hand pinched the remaining nipple and worked together to create a rhythm. Popping it out of his mouth, he bit into the skin around (Y/N)’s chest before moving on to the opposite bud. The sensation made her mind cloud and her mouth threatened to let moans escape. Every part of her body was on fire.

“Mmm. . . Is this pleasurable for you? Are you enjoying it? Don’t forget, my little bitch, that you have to prove your love for me. How devoted are you really?”

“Izaya, I-”

“How many times do I have to say this, (Y/N), only through your actions. Hm. . . Maybe a little punishment will help set you straight?”

Izaya kneeled up from the bed, pulling (Y/N)’s collar with it. The collar constricted around her neck, bringing a wave of euphoria as she was choked for those few seconds as he filled the two of them, leading to Y/N being on top of Izaya. 

“Don’t think this is how we end it. Just for now, you’re nothing more than a slave with a hole. If you ever want to be anything more, prove it.”

Staring at him for a few seconds, (Y/N) was in disbelief of what she was hearing. Did Izaya really believe that, that she was just a warm hole for him? And she already sucked him off, what more did she have to prove?”

“Well go on, prove your devotion to your god, to your complete master.”

(Y/N) knew what she had to do. Her whole body was shaking as she lifted herself on top of Izaya. She could feel her cunt getting wetter by the second, almost soaking Izaya’s midsection. She couldn’t believe that she was doing this with Izaya, much less how obedient she was. It was her first time, she should be hesitant! Maybe she had been secretly wanting this for so long?

Once she was in position, she began to lower herself onto Izaya’s member before being stopped by Izaya.

“Ah, ah, ah, did you think that this is your only punishment? No, no, no! Turn around, (Y/N), face the mirror. If you dare to look away for even a split second, your god will make sure you get disciplined.”

(Y/N) found it good to not upset Izaya. That would be an adventure for another time. Hesitantly, (Y/N) turned around to look at herself in the mirror. When she saw herself, she couldn’t believe the state of her appearance. (Y/N) looked like an arousing mess. Her hair was messy, but it looked artistic in a way. Her hairs were jumbled up and her lips were swollen. Her chest was flushed, riddled with hickeys and as hard as ever. 

“Remember what I said~”

Filled with determination, (Y/N) rose onto her Izaya and steadied herself. She lowered herself onto Izaya’s member, sliding it in with ease. It hurt a lot at the start, but the pain went away and was quickly replaced with arousal. (Y/N) felt like a crab, looking at herself in the mirror. It was uncomfortable to watch, but she didn’t dare disobey Izaya. 

She started moving up and down, watching as her breasts bounced along with her body. Izaya laid below her, helping her along by holding her waist. His fingers dug into her sides, making her squirm around. If only she could see him, what face would he be making?

The room was echoing the moans of both (Y/N) and Izaya. He stayed silent, except for his grunts and the occasional moan. That, along with the sight of such a lewd image right before her eyes, made the knot in her stomach grow and grow. 

The wet claps grew within the room, along with Izaya’s heightened pace. Now, his nails dug into her sides but she didn’t dare comment on it. (Y/N) was too distracted by the intensity of her senses. Her hair started to stick onto her face and she found herself moving into Izaya’s thrusts. Her arms were burning from the position, she kept trying to adjust herself into a better position. 

Izaya’s hands briefly left her waist to play with her breasts some more, before returning to add some much-needed support. The clapping now was wetter, almost sounding empty and echoey. (Y/N)’s abdomen could feel herself tightening around Izaya, but the position just wasn’t enough. Lifting herself up more, she raised her heels and put all her balance on the balls of her feet. The position was just enough and to add more friction, pounding Izaya in further. 

She lowered her hand to play with her clit before her own hand was replaced by Izaya. He said nothing as he played with her folds, rubbing and tugging at it with ways that sent (Y/N) into a frenzy. Her legs twitched and shook, threatening to compromise her position. 

Soon, the passion was more than (Y/N) could withstand. She came all over Izaya, feeling the liquid flow out of her. Her vision blurred and she could feel chills wash over her body. Between her legs, it felt as if everything was pulsating and her heart was ringing in her ears. Izaya followed shortly afterwards, removing himself from her insides and letting her fall onto her side.

His arm snaked around (Y/N) once more, pulling her closer.

“Guess what, my sweet (Y/N). You passed!  You managed to catch my attention through that amazing performance! What do you think?”

(Y/N) had no thought within her mind. The pulsating still hadn’t gone away and the fluid between her legs still felt sticky. If there was one thing she knew, it was that this baby would certainly end up interesting.

#yandere #yandere durarara #yandere durarara x reader #yandere izaya #yandere izaya orihara #yandere izaya x reader #yandere izaya orihara x reader #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #yandere x darling #yandere x you #yandere headcanons #yandere anime #yandere headcannons #yandere imagines #yandere fanfiction

[mostlycompetentwriter]

You Can STAY - Part 10

F/M Main Pairing: Y/N x Lee Felix (Side Pairing: Y/N x Stray Kids)

Genre: Fantasy AU; Scarlet Heart AU; OT8 SKZ

Warnings: Language; some mentions of mature content; violence; mentions of blood; major character death (uh-oh)

Summary: The King is challenged.

A/N: the gif doesn’t really fit but Jeongin does some hardcore stuff in this chapter

Tag List: @angelphantomlove @moonlightracha @jjabbur @pinkchcn @straykidbaby @moonnstars90 @dru-shadow @skzooyeet @xiaojunssmile​

“He’s losing his mind.”

I glanced up at the seemingly innocuous comment, narrowing my eyes in deep thought as Felix laid down next to me in our shared bed. “What do you mean?” I asked, although I had a faint idea of his intentions.

“There are consequences to our actions,” Felix said. “I think Changbin has finally started to realize that for himself.”

I swallowed hard, studying the detailed ornamentation of Felix’s freckles. “Is he sick?”

“He’s something,” Felix grunted. “Told me the other night that he saw Seungmin walking into his bedroom.”

I immediately frowned. “Like...a ghost?”

“Yeah,” Felix said. “Exactly like a ghost.”

I scoffed at such a notion. “How long has he been seeing ghosts for?”

“Does it matter?” Felix asked. “He deserves to suffer after all the horrible shit he’s done to his family and the kingdom. Every time I see him in the Throne Room, I just want to wring his fucking neck. Make him earn those breaths he gets to take since he made the decision to take away Seungmin and Minho’s right to live.”

I shivered at the venom in Felix’s tone. But instead of the rage he felt, I only experienced a deep-settled sadness weighing on my bones. To the point where it was sometimes difficult to force myself up in the mornings. “We can only keep him accountable,” I said. “He won’t stay on the throne.”

“He might,” Felix muttered. 

“It’s not meant to be,” I replied simply. “The rest of the Kingdom will see that.”

“When?” Felix huffed. “After he kills another one of my brothers?”

“He won’t hurt you,” I said. “And I don’t think he has plans to kill Jeongin.”

“Cuz’ he knows Jeongin is weak,” Felix said. “He doesn’t contribute to anything around here. All he does is visit Changbin in the evenings. Whatever it is they do alone in his chambers.”

“Is that where Jeongin is right now?” I asked.

“Last time I checked...” Felix trailed off, appearing slightly more anxious. “Yeah, he’s with Changbin.”

“Should we be worried?”

“I don’t think so,” Felix said, although I suspected it was more for my benefit than a statement of fact. “Jeongin can handle himself.”

“He’s a kid,” I grumbled. “I’m sure he’s scared and confused. The only reason he even gets to be here is because Changbin’s mother protected him.”

“Well, as long as she lives,” Felix said. “Jeongin will have a safe place, and he’s smart enough to know that.”

“And if she dies?”

Felix sighed. “Then I hope he’ll know to run, but that’s nothing to concern ourselves with right now.”

“I can’t help it,” I said, drawing myself closer to Felix for his reassuring warmth. “I want to take care of him.”

“I know, love,” Felix whispered, and I could feel his lips press a soothing kiss against the top of my head, providing me with only a faint inkling of hope when the rest of the world seemed to be growing darker.

Jeongin

Jeongin watched his brother as he slowly worked apart the buttons on his shirt: movements that seemed far too sluggish for a king in their prime. 

“Are you alright, Changbin?” Jeongin asked.

“M’ tired,” Changbin said, and Jeongin didn’t even react when Changbin slumped down into the floor. “My head hurts again.”

“I’m sorry,” Jeongin whispered, hoping that it sounded more genuine that he felt. Or, maybe Changbin wouldn’t even notice.

But he was doing this for Chan and Jisung. For the family that Changbin had taken from him.

“I’ve prepared a bath for you.”

Changbin groaned, sliding his fingers through his graying hair. “I feel sick.”

“The bath will help,” Jeongin insisted, and he forced his feet to move across the floor to support Changbin by his arm, allowing his brother to lend most of his weight against Jeongin’s slimmer form, trying to control the shakiness threatening to ruin everything as he helped Changbin lower himself beneath the waters.

The smell of mercury was subtle, but Jeongin had done a good job of masking it with other bath scents. “Feels good,” Changbin slurred, and Jeongin resisted a smile at the glazed-over look in his brother’s eyes. 

It was happening exactly as Chan had described it to him. When his oldest brother entrusted him to carry out this formidable task because he was one of the few people left who Changbin still trusted. Even if it was his mother’s intervention that permitted that trust in the first place.

But she would never know what had happened. Chan had shown him how to disguise the slow killing, to convince Changbin that it was his own guilt turning his body against him.

His own flesh and blood. 

Dying more every night. 

Slowly, but dying nonetheless.

Poisoned by Jeongin’s own hand.

“Tell me when it starts getting cold,” Jeongin whispered, and he made sure that Changbin was distracted before allowing a satisfied smirk to overtake the façade of practiced innocence that he had perfected for these moments.

Felix

There were already murmurings spreading through the Kingdom. Rumors of a madman on the throne, and Felix could do little to assuage the fears of their people when Changbin insisted on screaming at the top of his lungs at the most ungodly hours.

“He’s always fucking there!” Changbin had exclaimed before running for the coverage of his bed, and Felix hesitated, wondering if his brother would ruin himself after all.

“Who’s there?” Felix asked.

“Seungmin,” Changbin hissed, and his eyes were wild and bloodshot. Something savage and untamable. “He’s watching me.”

Felix swallowed hard, watching his brother start to cry as he begged their dead younger brother to leave him alone, apologizing over and over again for knocking the arrow that had pierced his heart.

“Seungmin is dead,” Felix said, and he made sure his tone was harsh, but firm. “You’re seeing things.”

“I’m not!” Changbin barked, and Felix thought that his tone didn’t quite match the harried expression on his face - the haunted look in his eyes.

“You said you needed to speak to me,” Felix sighed, deciding that it might be best to remind Changbin of other things besides their brother.

“I called for you hours ago,” Changbin growled. “Where were you?”

“I was with Y/N,” Felix said. “We had to...discuss some things.”

Changbin frowned at his pause. “You were fucking that girl,” he snapped, and Felix was appalled by his brother’s language.

“What’s your problem?” Felix asked. “She’s the Castle Mage!”

“She’s a whore!” Changbin shouted, and he was up on his feet in an instant, wobbling between his legs as he pointed a finger at Felix. “She’s distracting you!”

“That’s absurd!” Felix retorted.

“Is it?” Changbin questioned. “Because every time you come in here, you’re always bringing up that girl. Wanting to marry her and live a big fucking happily ever after.”

“And what’s wrong with that?” Felix returned. “Should I not hold you to the promises you made?”

“I am the King!” Changbin screeched. “I can form and break promises whenever I want.”

“Oh?” Felix asked, narrowing his eyes. “What’s this all about, then?”

“I’ve decided that you won’t marry that girl,” Changbin growled, and Felix had never felt so furious in his entire life.

“The reason why I serve you, brother,” Felix said. “Is because of how much I love Y/N.”

“Should I get rid of her?” Changbin asked. “Then you won’t have anything to love.”

“Why would you want to turn me against you?” Felix howled.

“Don’t speak of disloyalty!” Changbin said. “I won’t tolerate this discussion any longer.”

“But what you promised me-”

“STOP!” Changbin screamed, and it was enough to startle Felix into silence. “Hyunjin sent another letter,” Changbin continued as if intentionally ignoring the foul mood he had brought upon his brother. “Go down South and meet with him. I need to ensure that our alliances are settled.”

“Why should I?” Felix challenged. “If you won’t officialize my wedding, then I have no reason to serve you anymore!”

“Felix!” Changbin sighed, and he turned away to slam his fist against the wall. “Don’t do this to me!”

“Do what? Hold you accountable!”

“Go find Hyunjin!” Changbin demanded, glaring over his shoulder. “Do this for me and I’ll reconsider my position.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” Felix pointed out, but he stopped when he realized his brother was already drifting again, lowering himself back down onto his bed with a moan of pain. “Fine,” Felix relented. “I’ll speak to Hyunjin. But when I return, you better keep your word or you’ll lose me and Y/N!”

“I’ll have you killed!” Changbin protested, but they both knew his words held little conviction from a King who could barely stand on his own two feet.

The sun was disappearing behind the mountains when Felix returned to our shared room, pulling out his bag and grabbing several articles of clothing.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I have to go South,” Felix replied, and there was a determined look on his face as he continued to work. 

“Leaving?” I questioned, watching Felix start to fold his belongings. “Why?”

“Changbin wants me to find Hyunjin,” Felix grumbled. “Something about securing our alliances.”

“Did he not read the letter?” I asked. “The South wants nothing to do with Changbin.”

“I have to do as he says,” Felix sighed, and I was surprised by his insistence. 

“They see an illegitimate King,” I continued. “He’s wasting your time.”

“I know,” Felix groaned, and he straightened up long enough to draw me closer. “I’m doing this for us, okay? Changbin has the power to wed us, whether we like it or not.”

“But it’s not worth it if he keeps delaying his promise,” I pointed out, pulling away from Felix’s arms to storm over to the window. “I think he’s lying.”

“We have no other option,” Felix said. “What would you have me do?”

I swallowed hard, gazing out over the Kingdom at night. “Go find Hyunjin,” I said, feeling the fight leave every inch of my body. “But when you return, you will insist on our union or we’ll take matters into our own hands.”

“I agree,” Felix said, and I could feel him walk up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I won’t be gone long.”

“It’s always too long,” I lamented, turning around to face him and see the familiar look of love reflected in his emerald gaze.

Felix left that evening, and I decided to take a walk amongst the gardens since I would worry about him non-stop until he returned.

Up ahead in the Northern tower, I could see that Changbin’s candle was still glowing, and I wondered what he must be thinking, wasting away into whatever sickness had claimed him.

Still, it was mostly quiet and calm on the grounds, and I was walking with a thousand louder thoughts racing through my head.

But I should’ve known better than to embrace complacency, pausing when I heard a whispered utterance of my name. “Y/N! Over here.”

I frowned, following the voice to the nearby shelter of the Holly bushes, attempting to peer into the branches. “Hello?”

For a moment, there was no response, but then the leaves started to rattle and I took a step back with my magic instinctively warming for my command. But nothing could’ve left me colder than the familiar sight of Chan and Jisung emerging from the bushes.

“Chan?” I gasped. “Jisung?”

“There you are,” Jisung said, smiling in spite of our surroundings, gathering me into his arms for a fierce hug. “Are you hurt?”

“No,” I replied, and I couldn’t help but savor the embrace.

“We need to get inside the Castle,” Chan said, interrupting the moment with a heavy exhale, and I felt my metaphorical hackles rise as I turned to face him.

“Are you insane?” I hissed, watching as Chan and Jisung exchanged glances. “You’ll be killed.”

“It’s fine,” Jisung said, trying to reassure me by drawing his fingers through my hair. “We have someone on the inside.”

I frowned, but it only took me a moment to process what he meant. “Jeongin.”

Chan nodded, and there was something truly frightening about the look in his eyes. “Jeongin’s been poisoning him,” Chan explained with an insane look of delight. “I taught him how to disguise mercury in his baths.”

The implications of his charges hit me all at once, and I knew that nothing would ever be the same after this night. “You’re killing Changbin?!!”

“Jeongin will finish him tonight,” Jisung said, and I was horrified to see him miming a dagger striking above his heart.

“We’ll take the Castle back,” Chan said, but I shook my head because I couldn’t believe that the three siblings had plotted this together!

“You’re no better than Changbin,” I said, marching up to Chan to smash my palm against his chest. “Killing is never the answer.”

“Changbin did the same!” Chan scowled. “We need to take back the Kingdom!”

“Not dishonorably!”

“As if Changbin is in power because he was so honorable,” Jisung scoffed, and I realized that there would be no changing their minds.

Meanwhile, I could hear screaming from the northern tower, and there was a sudden flurry of movement as the guards started to shout out their orders.

“It’s time,” Chan said, and there was nothing but ice in my veins as I had no choice but to follow the brothers inside.

Felix

Felix was ready to leave, horses fed and watered, and belongings stacked neatly on the back of his saddle. 

But that all changed with a scream.

Immediately, Felix was on high alert, catching sight of the guards running inside from the stables. “The king’s been attacked!” one of them shouted, and Felix didn’t need to hear another word before he was abandoning his previous assignment. All thoughts of Hyunjin and the Southern territories were gone in the blink of an eye.

“Y/N!”

I paused at the familiar sound of Felix’s voice, nearly crying in relief when I realized that he hadn’t left yet. “Changbin’s been hurt,” I said, falling into his arms because there wasn’t much strength left in my trembling legs. 

“I know,” Felix growled, and he didn’t say much else before pulling me along behind him, barking out orders to the guards as he ignored their warnings and forced his way into Changbin’s private chambers.

It was a sight I would never forget, nearly losing what was left in my stomach at the sight of all the blood staining his bed sheets, and the dagger still protruding from his chest. “Felix!” Changbin gurgled, and there was a fresh stream of blood trickling from the side of his mouth.

Felix frowned, pushing aside the guard and doctor who had been attending to his brother. “Who did this?” Felix demanded.

“Jeongin,” Changbin hissed, and I could see the surprise evident in Felix’s eyes.

“Jeongin?”

“Did I stutter?” Changbin snarled, and I was impressed that he could still sound so intimidating when it was clear that death was upon him. 

“Why would he do that?” Felix wondered, but it less for Changbin and more of a general shock from the situation rapidly unfolding. 

“Listen to me,” Changbin hissed, coughing and heaving around every harsh intake of oxygen. “You know I’ll die from this.”

“How could he do this?” Felix continued, and I wanted to reach over and shake him from whatever disorientation was clouding his judgment.

But Changbin was already a step ahead.

“Fuck them all,” Changbin growled, holding tight to Felix’s arm as he brought his brother closer. “They’ve hated you since your birth, Felix. Do this one last thing for me: take the throne out of spite.”

“The throne?” Felix repeated, and I froze on the spot, realizing the vast implications for what this would bring.

“Avenge me!” Changbin said, but I made sure to send him a knowing look right before he closed his eyes: I would never allow Felix to committ such evil. Especially after that vision from so long ago where he stood above them all. Blood beneath his feet.

“Changbin?” Felix whispered, and I was surprised by the timidity in his tone, watching Felix close his eyes and take a staggered deep breath.

“It’s up to me,” he said, tone a little bit firmer as he glanced over at me before turning around to address the room’s occupants.

“I’m in charge now,” Felix shouted, and the guards nearby immediately knelt down onto one knee. “Find Jeongin!” Felix continued. “Bring him to me!”

“And the others, sir?” one of the guards asked. “What about Chan and Jisung?”

I was shivering violently, holding myself as I watched Felix’s expression shift into something dark and sinister. “What did you say?”

“Y-your other brothers,” the guard repeated, albeit much more hesitantly.

“They had a part in this?” Felix growled, and I recognized the turning point - the moment when Felix felt their betrayal.

“I know you’re furious with them,” I quickly intervened, holding my breath when Felix started to shake his head, refusing to listen before I could make my case.

“Did you know about this?” he asked instead.

“I didn’t until tonight when I found them in the gardens,” I said. “I tried to tell them that murder would lead to nothing good but-”

“But nothing!” Felix interfered with a harsh curse. “They went behind my back to try and throw Changbin off the throne,” he said.

“Yes, but they were upset and confused, Felix,” I insisted. “Changbin killed Minho and Seungmin. They wanted revenge, even if that wasn’t the answer.”

“So, are you suggesting that I let them free even though I’m King now?” Felix asked.

“A King stands up for his people!”

“Not when they show him such little regard,” Felix retorted, and he started for the door.

“Don’t do this,” I whispered, tugging on Felix’s sleeve as he continued to look straight ahead.

“Bring them to me,” Felix went on, and I was disappointed and heartbroken that he had ignored me. “Bring me my brothers.”

Felix was stagnant and unmoving, talking in rapid tones to his guards as he ordered me to remain silent.

The treatment was completely unlike him, but I held my tongue in the hope that he would see reason.

Of course, that all changed the moment Jisung, Chan, and Jeongin walked into the room, inviting a suffocating silence that persisted until Felix stepped forward. “Is this how you envisioned your plot to end?” he asked them.

And for a moment, I was afraid that none of them would respond. “No, Felix,” Chan eventually said. “We planned to allow the people to choose our next King.”

Felix scoffed. “Really? This wasn’t self-motivated?”

Chan shook his head, looking up with a determined stare. “We wanted to avenge Seungmin and Minho.”

“Well, that wasn’t your place, was it?” Felix snarled, and Chan was clearly caught off-guard by his brother’s tone.

“Felix, this is what we all wanted-”

“I never asked you to go behind my back!” Felix interrupted, and electricity crackled throughout the room.

“We had to plan in secrecy!”

“Jeongin knew!” Felix countered. “You had him play the part of the executioner!”

“Felix, we couldn’t risk your safety!”

“That’s not what it was,” Felix growled, and he was pacing the room, fuming as he grumbled nonsense to himself.

But then he stopped, standing up straight and sending a glare to his three battle-wearied brothers. “The three of you,” he said, pointing a finger at each of them. “Get the hell out of my kingdom.”

“No!” I cried, attempting to rise from the bed, but one of the guards held me down.

“Felix,” Jeongin sniffled, and my heart could barely handle his grief.

“The fault is with all of you!” Felix huffed. “You can suffer the consequences together.”

His word was final, and I watched as they all turned to leave out the door with a pair of guards following behind them.

“And if you see Hyunjin,” Felix added. “Tell him that he can stay in the South.”

The sentence was harsh, and the doors to the chamber echoed shut in the dead King’s quarters.

It was later that night, sitting alone in my shared room with Felix, when the man in question finally joined me.

“I’m sorry for my harsh words earlier,” he said, attempting a softer tone as his fingers traced the seam of my lips. “My brothers had to punished.”

“No, they didn’t,” I said, and there was a flicker of anger in Felix’s gaze before the emerald was calm once again.

He took my hand in his own. “You can marry me because I’m King, Y/N,” Felix said, breathing a kiss across my upturned palm.

But just as quick, I snatched my hand away from his grasp. “No,” I said as calmly as possible.

Felix frowned. “No?”

“If you keep your brothers exiled,” I hissed. “Then you’ll never have me.”

Felix shook his head, clearly thrown by my ultimatum. “You need to be careful with your words...”

“Are you threatening me now?” 

Felix sighed. “You’ll see in time why I had to exile them. Until that point, I will keep loving you, Y/N. I’ll wait for you to see reason and give us both what we want.”

I scowled at his words, waiting until he was gone from the room before laying back on the bed. “We’ll never get what we want now.”

Because too much had changed.

#stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #stray kids series #felix fanfic #felix scenarios #felix imagines #stray kids felix fanfic #skz felix fanfic #skz felix imagines #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #mostlycompetent

[lokidiabolus]

Last Resort - chapter 1

Fandom: The Maze Runner

Pairing: Thomas x Newt

Warnings: ex boyfriends, AU

Summary: Three years after breaking up with Thomas, Newt finally thought the past of hating each other was behind them, until Thomas asked him for a favour - pretend they got back together for a week while staying at his parents' home. Because it was an absolutely dumb idea, Newt was inclined to refuse, but then found himself in the house he used to visit when he was in love and happy and the bitter reality of only pretending for people he always liked made him miserable. But it was nothing against dealing with Thomas himself for a week straight and trying not to fall back in love that hurt them both.

Or: Prompt ch. 192 with added spice. Or something. I just needed to write for a while :')

Can be found on Ao3.

Notes: Hi! I was really into writing something, like really, really hyped, but then couldn't find anything that would make me go "yaaas!". So I thought of just giving up, until I somehow vaguely recalled I wrote this small one shot about two exes falling back in love in parents' house, and just sort of thought: oh yeah. Angst, good. Could add some horny. Good. Let's try. So here we are. Trying. It's not exactly deep or anything. I just needed to get this out of my system :') And it's not like I can't write anything else but AUs... ha.

Unbetad!

Sometimes Newt felt like the world was against him in literally any kind of situation. Once he decided to commit to something, a sudden force worked against him immediately, completely ruining the plan, or at least derailing his confidence in it. For about a year he thought that maybe it was the Universe giving him signs, for another year it felt like a karmic backslash and this year he settled on the fact he was just being despised by whatever higher force was in charge.

Although last year wasn’t as bad, really, until November 12th on dot. If it was about to be documented anywhere, he was just getting out of his shower, quite sleepy already, in rather calm, peaceful mood, once his phone dinged with a new message and he, without knowing the consequences of reading it, opened it. Even though it had Thomas as a sender - he thought later it should have deterred him from ruining the night for himself. Yet, his stupid lizard brain just clicked on it, blissfully unaware.

ThomAss - [23:14] – This is a life-or-death matter, you HAVE TO help me out D:

Newt - [23:15] – HAVE TO even.

ThomAss - [23:16] – YES. Please. I’m ready to beg too, that’s how desperate I am!

Newt - [23:17] – Hmm. Tempting. On your knees?

ThomAss - [23:18] – It’s negotiable.

Newt - [23:19] – Might think about it. Go on.

ThomAss - [23:20] – I need you to come home with me. I mean to my parents’ home.

Newt - [23:21] – What…?

ThomAss - [23:22] – It’s an emergency. They’re being persistent, so I need to bring somebody over.

Newt - [23:24] – I don’t follow?

ThomAss - [23:25] – Somebody I’m dating, that is.

Newt - [23:26] – Yeah, no.

ThomAss - [23:27] – Pleaaaaaaaaaase! T^T

He refused to admit he was fuming when he tossed his phone on the mattress and ignored how it beeped several times with new messages. There was no bloody way he’d go all smiling into Thomas’ parent’s house and pretend they were dating when they broke up three years ago in bad blood and it took them over two years to recover enough to be able to at least talk in a civil way. Sure, these past few months were sort of… better than the rest, though Newt didn’t really know if there was a reason, or they just let go of the grudge.

Well, partially let go, at least Newt’s was still lightly festering sometimes, on bad days when he was stupid enough to let his guard down and remind himself of it.

His phone beeped three more times and then the silence of his flat got sliced to pieces by the obnoxious ringtone he put in spite to Thomas’ contact two years ago. They weren’t calling each other, so there was no way he’d hear it at any point back then, but now, when the sound filled his home, he had a fleeting thought of smashing the phone to pieces instead.

“I said no,” he answered anyway, cold enough for Thomas to definitely get shivers on the other side of the line.

“Newt, please, I beg you,” Thomas didn’t even bother with greetings and whined like a five-year-old. “You can’t possibly be that cruel, can you?”

“Minho,” Newt gritted out. “Why not him?”

“He’s in England! Drinking tea! He’d throw me off the Big Ben if I interrupted his super-secret-date-everybody-knows-about!” Thomas responded frantically and Newt pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

Fine, he had a point, probably, Minho would rage at him if he tried to drag him back shit like this. He planned the totally-not-a-date for months, never introduced the person and then disappeared. Everyone knew why, but they didn’t know to who.

“Teresa.” Another possibility, and Thomas’ groaned into the speaker.

Oh, so he already asked her, and she turned him down. Not to mention…

“Brenda?”

Another groan.

“For fuck’s sake,” Newt had to force himself not to throw the phone against the wall. “Have you literally asked everyone and I’m the bloody last resort?”

“Sort of?” Thomas piped and Newt refused to acknowledge how it stung weirdly.

Am I being hypocritical?

It wasn’t like he was willing to go anyway, but somehow his pride didn’t like it. And his pride was a bitch, he knew, and had the power to overwrite his common sense.

“Look, it’s just…” Thomas sighed into the phone. “…embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing?” the blond repeated. He would say uncomfortable maybe, but embarrassing? “What is bloody embarrassing about it? I’ve heard you snore and fart and throw up and come, and you think this is embarrassing?”

“This is embarrassing!” Thomas whined like couldn’t hear the naked truth and Newt shook his head. They had their history, and it wasn’t just a week short fling. They lived together for three years and dated for seven, there honestly couldn’t be much of an embarrassment present anymore.

Although maybe yes, after three years of barely talking.

“You’re ridiculous,” he mumbled after, dropping a towel he was drying his hair with on the bed. “How’s this even a question, can you just tell them you’re single? Or. I don’t know, that the person you date had other business to attend to?”

“No,” Thomas answered immediately. “I can’t and I won’t. You act like you don’t know them, they’re onto me.”

“Cuz you’re a liar?” Newt tilted his head to the side and Thomas grumbled.

“Am not, okay.”

“So where’s your significant other that can’t attend?”

“On the phone right now, being difficult. Obviously,” Thomas delivered without ounce of shame and if he was standing right in front of Newt, he would have one in his face. “Look, I didn’t want to ask you, cuz of course it’s kinda weird, since my parents already know you and all.”

Of course he would rather bring Teresa or Brenda over, Newt thought and the bitterness surprised him.

“Well, at least they wouldn’t be as shocked,” he said in response, pushing the wave of reminiscing back down. “Imagine Minho, he would probably tear the place apart.”

“Yeah, but we didn’t break up with Minho,” Thomas reminded him, keeping the sombre tone despite Newt trying to lighten the situation.

“You don’t say,” he said instead. “And?”

“And they know we did,” Thomas continued. “So it’s gonna be awkward, you know.”

“Can imagine, yes,” Newt didn’t want to play dumb. “I already told you no though, so there’s no reason to torture yourself with the what if.”

“When did I ever want anything this important from you though!” The whine was back, and Newt sucked in a sharp breath.

“You want me to make you a list? Or would a text suffice.”

“I told you I’d beg on my knees, right? I will. I’m ready to go to your place right now and kneel for the whole night if that’d please you,” Thomas shot back, sounding too serious for Newt’s liking. His neighbours would hate him if Thomas spent the night in front of his door on his knees, serenading him just to make him cave in.

“For fuck’s sake, for how long am I going to be pretending I love your stupid face again then?” he growled unhappily and Thomas on the other side let out a small laugh.

“Well, mum said a weeklong vacation, but I’m sure like three days would be enough to sate her craving for whatever she actually craves when she forces me to do this,” he dropped like a week wasn’t a death sentence or could pose an actual problem with Newt’s remaining vacation days. Which was not. But Thomas didn’t know that.

“I know you have vacation days left, since you always hoard them,” Thomas immediately added like he could read his mind and Newt couldn’t stop the curse leaving his mouth. “It’s not so bad, right? Countryside, fresh air, great food and for free.”

“For the cost of my sanity, but sure, for free,” Newt grumbled and padded to the table to boot up his notebook. “When?”

“I’d pick you up on this Friday at 3? Work or home, your pick.” There was an obvious relief in Thomas’ voice and Newt kind of wanted to remind him they still broke up and barely talked to each other for two and half years, so it was not going to be a walk in a park at any point, but he kept his mouth shut.

“I work till 4,” he uttered while opening his e-mail and started to write a request for vacation. “So something past 4 in front of my workplace should be fine.”

“Four? Since when?” came a question and Newt rolled his eyes. “It used to be 3 max.”

“Three years ago, sure,” Newt decided to overlook Thomas’ weird habit of keeping shit like this memorized. “Things changed.”

“You work longer for the same pay?” Thomas guessed and Newt scoffed.

“I’m not an idiot, okay,” he commented sternly. “I got promoted. So I go to work a bit later, but work till later too.”

“Aaah,” Thomas voiced. “That’s pretty cool. Congratz.”

Year and half late, but I guess it’s the thought that counts. He just hummed.

“Then four it is,” Thomas got back on track easily. “Thanks, Newt. You’re a lifesaver.”

“You don’t know what it will cost ya yet, don’t be so happy about it,” Newt said grumpily. “I don’t work for free.”

“How’s pleasant company and free accommodation and full inclusive not enough for you? You spoiled little bitch,” Thomas faked an offended tone and Newt rolled his eyes.

“Pleasant company is questionable, since you’re going to be there,” he shot back, more out of habit than with an actual spiteful intent. “But I guess your family will do.”

“Oof, alright,” it didn’t take anything from the cheerful tone of his, “you can send me a bill after. Fucking high maintenance as always, aren’t you.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Newt chirped and hung up. The moment he sent the mail to his boss he immediately regretted it.

***

Friday came so fast Newt barely noticed the week whooshing past him, and suddenly it was 3:50, he was basically done with his workload for the day, his weeklong vacation got a green light and a bag with his things was sitting mockingly on his table, reminding him he was an idiot who just liked to make himself miserable.

Thomas was already texting him since morning to not forget to pack undies like he was a mastermind of great humour and Newt’s eyes lingered a bit too long on a kitchen knife when he was packing yesterday.

But then again, Thomas’ mum definitely had much better cutlery, so the variety of murder weapons just multiplied.

He pointedly ignored how his stomach lurched at the sight of Thomas at his car in casual clothes and unzipped jacket like it was spring (the -4 degrees disagreed with him, and especially with Newt’s complete lack of proper thermoregulation), actually having a pleasant expression on his face Newt last seen… well, long time ago. He took Newt’s bag and put it in the boot of the car with such nonchalance Newt almost believed his parents might be tricked into thinking they really got back together, how smooth and easy he made it look. Newt refused to ruin it with sarcasm, so he just got into the passenger seat and let Thomas get them on the road.

“You know Christmas is still a month away, right?” Thomas commented once Newt got rid of his coat and scarf, since the car was warm inside, and tossed it onto the back seat, before putting on the seatbelt.

“Yeah?” he raised an eyebrow at him and didn’t like the smile Thomas had on his lips. He was going to nag, for sure.

“Just that you’re wrapped like a present,” came an expected comeback. “How many layers you even have? You took all of your winter clothes on?”

“Stuff it,” the blond glared at him. “It’s cold outside.”

“It’s not that cold though?” Of course Thomas wouldn’t let it go.

“Just cuz you circulate lava and not blood doesn’t mean others do too,” Newt’s glare intensified. “Like it’s something bloody new I’m cold as fuck all the time.”

“Yeah, it’s really not,” his companion shrugged with self-satisfied smirk and Newt wanted to stomp on the brake and just get out of the car. Why did he agree again?

Prick.

What even made him so happy? Still didn’t realize how many faked smiles he’s going plaster on his face through the stay? Or he didn’t care?

“What are we going to tell them?” he asked instead to bring them closer to the problem, since the resolution was only three hours’ drive away. He wouldn’t admit it, but since he agreed to help with this clownery, he couldn’t stop thinking about what to tell the people he genuinely liked and didn’t want to lie to. He could almost forget how rare it was to stay alone with Thomas these days – or months – or years – without an urge to strangle the brunet every time he got close and opened his mouth, when they were sitting in the car so peacefully now.

It was calm but utterly bitter.

The bitterness, Newt thought, was probably still the remnant from three years ago. Maybe not as vicious, but still accompanying him after all these years, every time they saw each other. The first year was catastrophic, the second they both calmed down a bit, and the third they actually managed to lead a normal, reasonable conversation with minimum insults.

Newt wasn’t shy to admit he missed his ex during quiet moments of his life; somehow. He was especially prone to it during his birthday, somehow spending the passing years without Thomas’ company hurt, despite the bad parting. Talking with Thomas with more ease was nostalgic. But his brain always helpfully supplied it was not going to last because they were still the stupid, broken up them deep down.

Not to mention pretending to be lovers just to get Thomas’ parents off his back was lame as fuck. He had no idea why he agreed. Maybe he was lame too.

“I don’t know. We bumped into each other on a party and made out in a closet,” Thomas responded, the smile finally falling off, his eyes glued to the road before him. “And decided to try it again.”

“Ugh.”

“What, you have a better idea?” Thomas shot him a look and Newt snorted.

“We managed to talk normally again and realized we’re still in love with each other?” he offered, just to piss him off. “Since, you know, it happens to normal people?”

“What, sex in the closet does not?” There was that annoyance in Thomas’ voice again Newt knew so well. They usually talked to each other like that – annoyed, nagging, angry, and it wasn’t hard to fall back into it.

“Probably to you,” he averted his eyes from his companion and watched the passing scenery instead. “But I’m not that easy.”

“That’s true,” he heard Thomas whisper, more to himself, and rather buried himself lower into the seat. The fact their intimate life sucked the last month they were together hadn’t been a secret and Newt was very much aware it just sped up the fall of their relationship. But at that point it all felt wrong, and the last thing Newt had wanted was having angry sex, or sex out of obligation, or basically anything intimate without enjoying the other person’s company. Because they sure weren’t enjoying each other for some time already.

Thomas didn’t like it. And he was pretty open about not liking it. But then again, so was Newt.

And then they broke up. It was outside during Christmas, under the lit-up tree on the city square, and Newt still considered it the most unpleasant memory of his life. They were furious, both of them, and the breakup was inevitable, but when it finally came, it wasn’t an explosion full of shouting or accusing as he expected.

Nope, it was quiet, cold and devastating. Seven years down the drain, just like that.

“Let’s go with your version,” he heard Thomas saying roughly. “It happens.”

“Yeah,” he piped, closing his eyes.

In fairy tales.

***

“Oh my god, I knew it!”

It was the first thing that hit them both when the door to the house opened and Thomas’ mother ran out, shrieking like a siren while going straight to Newt and almost suffocated him in an embrace. “I knew you two would get back together, I knew it!”

“There goes the surprise,” Newt managed from the rest of his breath and when she finally released him just to run back to the house to tell the rest of the family the big news, he gasped like he was drowning.

“Good to know she’s as strong as ever,” he croaked, and Thomas hummed and took both of their bags to carry it inside. He had gotten visibly darker and grumpier the closer they got to his hometown and now he almost visibly carried a dark, raining cloud above his head, looking like he just arrived at his own funeral.

Newt followed him inside with surprising ease though, like returning to this place somewhat negated everything Thomas tried to spoil. He had only nice, pleasant memories of this house, and those people, so even if Thomas ought to be a dickhead, he could always enjoy himself here.

“Newt!” a roaring voice welcomed him next, and another crushing hug lifted him from the floor. Thomas’ father was a big, broad guy who could probably lift the house itself, and his jolly personality apparently remained untouched as well.

“Hi there,” the blond greeted him right the moment he got back to the ground, trying to withstand the bear pat that followed. “Haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Likewise!” the big guy cheerily replied. “Glad to see he came back to his senses! Was seriously afraid he’d bring that gloomy goth girl here, I don’t think we have enough black around for that.”

Teresa or Brenda.

“Nah, he still has a thing for blonds,” he replied with a smile and immediately heard Thomas’ scoffing from the living room. The fact that both Teresa and Brenda turned him down must have scarred his ego a lot.

The jab was worth it though.

***

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Anna (Thomas’ mum) patted his arm for about fourth time already since they arrived, her face fond and eyes happy, and it made Newt guilty as hell. They all gathered in the kitchen, which smelled like fantastic food and happy memories. “I swear the breakup was so shocking, we didn’t want to believe it. Tom took it so badly too, I-,”

“Mum,” Thomas’ voice sounded threatening from behind them. “Stop feeding him useless stuff. He just got off work and spent three hours in the car, let him breathe a little.”

She made a face at him but sent Newt an apologetic smile and gave him a muffin. Still tasted as he remembered, and he had to admit those small welcoming bits were the only brakes he had from running away. It wasn’t like Thomas was nasty towards him or anything – he wouldn’t dare since they’d call him out on it – but since they had the talk in the car Newt could feel the uncomfortable tension between them that always ended in an argument.

“You want coffee?” Newt realized Thomas was looking at him now, eyebrows raised, and he just nodded, not trusting himself to say anything.

“I’ll bring it to you, you can go sit with others,” Thomas added as if he couldn’t get rid of him fast enough and Newt didn’t argue with that logic. The moment he left the kitchen and sat between Thomas’ dad and sister, relief washed over him, and he could finally breathe a little easier.

“I thought you’d already be married to somebody decent,” Hannah (Thomas’ little sister) commented while she plastered herself against Newt’s side like she used to do when she was little. Newt haven’t seen her for about four years, give or take, and now she was 14 and apparently full of opinions. “And not wasting your time with him again.”

Him, pointedly looking at her brother who was sneering at her while entering the living room with Newt’s coffee, was seemingly normal occurrence lately, judging from zero reactions from the parents.

“I know, I’ll never learn,” Newt piped in anyway, which made Thomas sneer at him for a change, and almost spilling the coffee on him, not even trying to mask it as an accident.

“Do I have to be the target of your bad jokes?” he glared at them collectively and when Anna arrived after him with dinner, Newt felt nostalgic, like literally nothing changed, and he relaxed into it with more ease than he expected.

He was just glad Thomas was sitting further from him and didn’t need to force himself to act natural. When he reached for the coffee, his favourite taste of it surprised him, but he didn’t meet Thomas’ eyes.

***

“I have to say, you got even cuter,” Anna suddenly said once they were past dinner, Newt couldn’t eat or drink anymore or he would explode and decided to walk it out while helping her bringing dishes to the kitchen and putting them in a dishwasher.

“Anna,” he chuckled. “That’s not what a guy wants to hear.”

“I’m just saying,” she had a genuine smile on her face. “I feared I’d never get to see you here ever again. I know you don’t really want to talk about the breakup and all…”

She stopped for a second, her eyes searching, and Newt hated how strangely painful it made him feel. He sincerely hoped it didn’t show on his face.

“I just want you to know I’m happy you two got back together,” she concluded, which meant it definitely showed on Newt’s face and she saw it. “I know you must have your reasons back then and everything, but I’m just… so glad for you two. And I wish you’d visit more often as well.”

Newt’s chest tightened like he was about to have a heart-attack and he had to push the guilt back down with the power of his sheer will alone, right in front of her trusting, hopeful eyes, like he was disarming a ticking bomb with 10 seconds on the countdown. He expected maybe some initial awkwardness, or some of them poke fun at how they finally got their shit back together after three years, but this wasn’t the plan and he hated how he wanted to hide behind Thomas’ back and just push him to deal with this instead.

“Yeah,” he gulped down the rising agony. “We absolutely should.”

Liar.

“You were always such a great kid,” she pushed herself from the kitchen counter and pulled him into a tight, heartfelt hug. Tears almost spilled out of Newt’s eyes when she squeezed him with loving gentleness he didn’t want to feel again to know what he was missing. “We all love you so much. Thank you for coming back.”

He couldn’t stop the guilt anymore and quietly wept into her shoulder, praying to any higher power for her not to notice.

***

It wasn’t an escape. He did not run away like a coward the moment he could. He didn’t light up his cigarette outside on a porch with trembling hands because he couldn’t get his nerves under control. It just happened. He just felt like it. He just needed the fresh air, nothing else.

He thought, maybe if he kept telling himself that, the tears would eventually stop and he wouldn’t be sniffling anymore into the night, with sky sprinkled with stars and air cold enough to make his face feel like ice.

He heard the door opening only vaguely, his eyes stinging, until the automatic light flashed above him, signalizing a movement nearby. He noticed Thomas too late, he realized when he started pathetically wiping away tears into his sleeve.

“You okay?” Thomas asked a bit abundantly, seeing the state of his, but Newt had to admit there weren’t many other questions to ask anyway.

“Yeah,” Newt sniffled, trying to get his feelings under control, but failing miserably. “Sorry… just. Give me a few, I’ll be fine.”

Thomas took a step closer, and Newt hated how he flinched at that.

“Mum told you something?”

He had an unreadable face, Newt thought. Neutral and careful and Newt couldn’t say what he was thinking. He hated how the ability of reading this man just disappeared like the rest of their history.

“Nothing bad,” he shook his head and brought the cigarette to his lips, inhaling shortly. His hands still trembled but not as badly anymore. “Are they worried?”

“Not yet, I think,” Thomas replied quietly, glancing towards the door, then sighed. “I guess it’s… kind of painful.”

“Kind of,” Newt agreed softly. “But it reminds me how nice it was when it lasted.”

“Yeah,” Thomas finally glanced at him, his eyes a bit warmer. “It was amazing.”

Newt felt a lump in his throat forming, and the more Thomas was looking at him, the worse it got, until he couldn’t really stand it. So he offered a small, apologetic smile, put the cigarette out and returned back to the house with buzzing in his head and weird pressure in his chest.

The mischievous grins Thomas’ family gave him once he reappeared in the living room never felt so wrong.

***

Newt didn’t really plan on it, but since the night progressed and his company slowly started leaving for the night, he eventually fell asleep on the couch in the living room. He thought he heard somebody trying to wake him while softly saying his name, but he was too exhausted to rise to the challenge and just let his eyes close shut.

The last thing he noticed was sudden warmth engulfing him, like being hugged by a fluffy animal and then he was out like a light.

He dreamed of first loves and heartbreaks.

***

“You’re being 17 only once in your life, man, cheer up a little!”

Newt grumpily looked at the shot he was given with liquid of unknown origin and then back at Minho, who was grinning at him encouragingly, already drunk enough to be considered not the most reliable source of what fun is. Newt couldn’t say he liked the taste of any alcohol he tried so far, and even though Minho made it look like it’s the most delicious thing he ever had, every cup tasted like spirit and burned unpleasantly.

Sure, he was 17 today. Sure, he tried alcohol because everybody did to celebrate, but every time they looked away, he just poured the rest of his cup into something that could hold it (the cactus probably wasn’t happy about it and Newt mentally apologized to the plant when he disposed of the rest of his beer in its pot).

“Lemme take that from you,” a sudden movement on his side caused the small glass to be taken from his hand, and then a brown-haired boy downed the drink like it was water. Newt had no idea who he was, but since he saved him from possible vomit-inducing moments, he immediately liked him.

“My saviour,” he grinned once the boy tossed the empty glass back to Minho who barely caught it. The boy smiled back at him, his big, brown eyes warm and honestly really pretty.

“Thomas,” he introduced himself. “I take it you’re the birthday boy. Newt, right?”

“Right,” the blond nodded in agreement. “You here with Ben?”

It was just a guess, but he vaguely remembered Ben mentioned something about bringing friends over and Newt didn’t mind. The more people present, the easier would it be for him to disappear at some point to avoid being cornered with other alcoholic beverages.

“Yep,” Thomas nodded with a cute smile. Newt wondered if he was already at least a little drunk to be so easily charmed. “I know I should have brought a gift, since it’s your b-day and all, but I kinda came empty handed. Sorry about that.”

“Preposterous,” Newt faked a shock, hand on his chest and laughter bubbling in his throat, but Thomas was already fishing through his pockets as if he was searching for something to give, and that made him laugh for real. “It’s fine, Tommy. You saved me from alcohol poisoning, you have a free pass.”

“That’s lame though,” Thomas objected unhappily and then finally found his phone in his back pocket, looking at Newt expectantly. “Can I at least get your number? I swear I will make it up to you.”

Normally Newt would argue he didn’t need anything, for real, don’t sweat it, but the more he was looking into Thomas’ eyes, the more his common sense refused to work, and caving in was so, so easy.

“Sweet,” Thomas smiled happily when he saved the contact and then slung his arm around Newt’s shoulders, leaned close and took a quick photo of them both on his phone. “You won’t regret it.”

“I know I won’t,” Newt said, and he meant it.

***

He woke up with his head painfully pounding, like he slept too long or too short. In a moment of confusion of his whereabouts one glance across the empty but messy living room from yesterday’s festivities gave him the answer he sought – he was in hell and it smelled like pancakes.

He gingerly sat up, analysing the situation carefully, until his eyes stopped at the clock showing 12:04 and Newt refused to believe them. He couldn’t have possibly slept till noon, right? Thomas was playing a prank at him by rewinding the clock or something, there was simply no way. He usually woke up at 7, if he really had a deficit then 9 the latest and felt guilty about it. Twelve sounded like a bad joke.

Then again, his body was so sore it made sense. He had a crick in his neck, his legs felt wooden and stiff and there were creases from the couch everywhere on his naked skin. He had a soft, fluffy blanket draped around his body he didn’t remember even seeing yesterday but was grateful for anyway.

“Fuck,” he breathed out in mortification. “What am I even doing?”

“Having a zombie march, I’d say,” a voice interrupted his inner freak out mercilessly and he turned around too fast for his poor head to comprehend and world spun for a moment. “Thought you died or something, geez. Since when you sleep so long?”

Thomas was slowly walking towards him with a tray, trying to balance the cups with coffee on it, and once he successfully set it down, there was only a small puddle under one, so still a success. He brought pancakes and muffins Anna baked and Newt didn’t feel like his appetite was up to this.

“I dunno,” the blond rubbed his eyes sleepily. “I guess I wasn’t really sleeping as much these past few days…”

“Your back must hate you though,” Thomas glanced at the sofa pointedly. “Only sitting for too long on this torture device is painful.”

“Eh,” Newt shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

“Well, you look like shit, so not much worse,” Thomas didn’t spare him, smirking at Newt’s apparently dishevelled appearance and he just flipped him off.

“Have a pancake, you’ll feel better,” Thomas pushed the tray closer.

“Maybe later,” Newt untangled himself from the blanked instead. “I need a bath.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

Newt mentally slapped Thomas so hard his face landed in the pancake cushion. In reality he just scoffed and wobbled out of the living room at the sound of his ex’ snickering.

***

Nobody really commented on Newt’s faux pas of passing out on the couch until it was time for lunch, but they did comment on his food habits (or better on having none). He barely ever ate breakfast in the morning, so he didn’t eat the fluffy pancakes, or the muffins Thomas brought him, but he did drink the coffee. Before he could even properly digest that Anna was already serving lunch and he had no way how to wiggle himself out of that one.

The rest of the day passed like a blur and when the evening came Anna was chasing him to the bed the first moment he yawned.

“You’re not going to ruin your back on this monstrosity!” she was pushing him up the stairs with Thomas behind her, laughing at them. “I don’t understand how we didn’t buy a new one yet, but now we have to, or you’d wreck yourself on it!”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Newt tried to argue, but she was having none of it and finally stopped in front of Thomas’ room, which… was an obvious choice, but Newt felt his blood running cold at the sight of the familiar area.

“I prepared clean towels and everything,” she pointed at a fluffy pile on Thomas’ desk. “Good night!”

“Yeah…” the blond barely got that out and she was already leaving, calling to others downstairs to help her choose a new couch so she could immediately order it online.

“Well, at least we’ll get rid of that relic,” Thomas commented while entering the bedroom as well, all smiles like he didn’t realize there was one bed, them broken up and Newt’s absolute horror.

“We’re not sleeping in the same bed, are we,” Newt ignored him with eyes fixed at the lodging in the room and Thomas crossed his arms on his chest, his lips in a wide grin.

“What, I clearly remember you saying there is nothing embarrassing about me anymore, since you heard me fart and all.”

“Oh god, shut up,” Newt wished his words were a spell and came true, but of course they didn’t work on Thomas, since he started laughing like a hyena. Anna naturally would let them both sleep in Thomas’ room, it was an obvious choice, but he sure hated it.

Thomas’ room was the same as Newt remembered it, but it made sense, since Thomas had his own place in the city for years. His family had no reason to change it, let it be the queen-sized bed, the blue-ish walls and sleek black furniture hugging the place. It had no sofa, which was the core of the problem for one of them and Newt’s regret of saying yes returned in full force.

“It’s not like it’s a small bed,” Thomas commented matter-of-factly once he had his fill of fun and sat at the edge of the incriminated furniture, obviously taunting him.

“It’s not like I care,” Newt bit out and circled the bed in disdain. “Sleep on the floor for what I care.”

“But it’s my bed,” Thomas argued with badly concealed glee. Newt guessed it was because now he could make fun of him now, which must have made him feel good after being a target of little quips from his family for two days. “If you don’t like me in it, you go sleep on the floor.”

“I’m a guest in here,” Newt crossed his arms on his chest. “Don’t you have any manners? Not to mention you owe me for coming here and playing your lying game.”

“It has nothing to do with manners or me owing you, you’re just being a stubborn ass as always,” Thomas corrected him and clearly didn’t feel like being merciful, especially when he just flopped onto the mattress and looked at Newt expectantly. “So, let’s calm down and get some sleep. I promise I won’t attack you until you’re awake again.”

“Shut up, jerk face,” Newt barked at him and grabbed the towel Anna left there, turning to leave for the bathroom, definitely not running away. “As if I’d bloody let you.”

“Mhmmm.” Thomas’ face was grinning, and Newt wanted to set his guts on fire.

Goddamn, fuck this all.

***

Of course Thomas already laid under the covers, one arm under his head, other holding his phone and leisurely scrolling through it. The room was bathing in darkness, outside of the small lamp on the bedside table. Newt still remember that lamp from years ago, and how they almost broke it when Newt accidentally knocked it over when they were having sex… here… okay, that particular memory really didn’t need to resurface right now.

“I know right,” Thomas suddenly spoke, looking at Newt pointedly. “I was surprised that thing still works too. Got banged so badly.”

“Hmm…”

“Not the only thing that got banged though,” of course the fucker had to add, and Newt tossed his shirt he was holding at him. Only got small laugh in response and then his shirt got dropped carelessly on the floor, left crumpled there like trash. Newt wanted to kick Thomas’ ass so bad he almost reached for his whole bag to hit him with it.

“Going to stand there whole night?” Thomas was acting smugly because he had an upper hand for now, the blond knew the tactics very well. Just milking the moment until one of them snap, he sure hadn’t changed. Newt seriously considered to just leave and sleep in the car if he had to.

“Are you going to be this insufferable the whole week?” he seethed, and Thomas shrugged.

“Define insufferable. Don’t feel like I am any of that.”

“Alright, then I’ll leave tomorrow,” Newt countered him, because he was honestly too tired already and couldn’t think of anything that would make Thomas to fall from his high horse for just one second. Or just show some understanding, because the moment they got in his room he made sure to make Newt as uncomfortable as possible. “You can tell your parents whatever you want, I don’t care.”

“Are you seriously throwing a tantrum over us sleeping in one bed?” Thomas sat up while putting his phone away and he had this old Star Wars shirt Newt got him for his 20th birthday and it was like a punch in his gut.

“Yes,” Newt just said and the warmth from the bath was slowly dissipating from his body, leaving him chilled and miserable.

“We slept together for 7 years,” Thomas objected with a small frown. “It’s not like you don’t know me. Or how I sleep.”

“It’s not like it matters in this situation.”

“I told you I won’t do anything,” another argument and Newt shook his head. He wasn’t even worried he would try anything; they were way past that phase anyway. It was just… so uncomfortable. “Jesus, Newt, please be reasonable. It’s cold, you’re shivering like a wet dog over there, I have perfectly normal, warm bed and we won’t even be touching. I don’t know what kind of block you have in your head, but can you just let it go for tonight and come here before you catch a cold and blame it on me too?”

“I-,” Newt couldn’t even start when a soft knock stopped him mid speech and the door opened few seconds later with Anna between them, smiling. Probably chaperoning, he would guess if he had a coherent thought.

“Just wanted to ask if you want chicken or steak for tomorrow lunch,” she chirped and Newt could almost see the loading screen in front of his eyes, for how much he couldn’t comprehend the sudden topic change.

“Go lie down, you’ll freeze out here,” she immediately noticed him standing there barefooted and pushed him gently towards the bed. “Do you want another blanket? I know you’re always cold. Thomas brought the fluffy one downstairs yesterday, should I fetch it?”

“It’s fine, I have two in here already,” Thomas interjected immediately and before Newt could react anyhow, Thomas reached for his hand and pulled him onto the mattress. “Will warm him up if that wouldn’t be enough.”

“Just try to be quiet, will you,” Anna seized them both in disapproving stare and Newt felt sick in his stomach. “So what. Chicken or steak?”

“I vote for steaks!” Thomas immediately shot out and Newt still didn’t understand what was even important about food in this situation, so he just nodded dumbly, and then Anna was leaving with good night and disappeared behind the door again, plunging the room into silence.

He could hear Thomas’ breathing close to his own and finally understood he lost this fight without much of a battle happening.

“Can we sleep now?” he heard Thomas ask, so he just slinked under covers and turned his back towards the man, feeling vulnerable and stupid at the same time.

***

They didn’t talk about the night. They didn’t really talk at all during the day, since when Newt woke up, Thomas was already gone, and Hannah mentioned something about him and his dad leaving early in the morning for whatever reason.

Newt hated how relieved he felt.

He spent most of the day with Anna making lunch and dodging questions about him and Thomas’ breakup and reconciliation. Anna didn’t pry as much as he feared she would, but she obviously wanted to know what happened three years ago and he had no nice answer for her, so he just kept it vague.

We stopped talking to each other properly.

We felt like we needed a break.

No, there was no bad blood between us, really. Absolutely no arguments that would cut too deep, I assure you. We just needed some time. We’re back together now after all, right.

The lies twisted so painfully on his tongue he was grateful when Thomas finally got back at 4PM and Anna’s attention turned to him instead. When the day progressed, Brian (Thomas’ dad) sat them all in the living room in the evening and opened his favourite bottle of whiskey he kept for special occasions.

They lit up fire in the fireplace and Anna brought over snacks, and just sitting there and chilling felt soothing to Newt’s guiltiness eating him up from within.

“We just sealed the deal with a new partner today,” Brian said in a booming voice when he was pouring a glass to Newt who was sincerely relieved his special occasion wasn’t Thomas and him dating again. Because that sure would send him out of the room quick, he could handle only that much before snapping.

“That’s fantastic,” he gingerly accepted the glass and watched Thomas doing to same when offered, wondering if he could somehow dump his own drink into his glass without being suspicious. They sat too wide apart though, with Thomas between his parents and Newt felt the gap deeply.

“That’s right! It means more work, but it’s going to be worth it!” Brian nodded happily and poured glass to Anna as well. When Hannah came with her own, he shooed at her to get juice instead, at which she pouted. “We were dealing with them on and off for about a year, so when they agreed to be a permanent supplier, it’s gonna make a difference.”

“You should invite the CEO for dinner,” Anna added to it and Brian immediately agreed. “But for now, cheers!”

Newt smiled and raised his glass as well, but his throat already hated it in advance. Once he sipped the wood-scented drink, he forced himself to remain passive and not make a disgusted face that was forcing its way up, grateful Anna and Brian were too busy planning what food to choose for the business dinner.

“Oh my god, can you stop shouting in my ear?” Thomas suddenly stood up when his dad leaned over him to his mum for umpteenth time. “Go sit next to her! Geez. I’m not a cushion you can bulldozer over.”

Brian laughed and pushed himself towards his wife on Thomas’ spot, which left Thomas to sit next to Newt with an unceremonious plop.

“I thought maybe cream cake for dessert?” Anna was brainstorming loudly in meantime. “Right, Newt? You always liked the cake.”

“Oh yeah, loved it,” Newt quickly switched his attention to her from Thomas’ sudden warmth next to him. “Think it’s a great idea for the dessert.”

“See!” Anna beamed at Brian happily and Newt flinched when his glass got bumped suddenly and he almost dropped it before he realized it was Thomas’ own glass touching it now.

“Pour some over,” he mumbled towards the blond quietly. “Before they notice and start pestering you about quality of well-aged alcohol.”

“Thanks…” he piped gratefully and hastily splashed most of his glass’ contents away. He noticed Hannah was looking at them, but she only rolled her eyes and started arguing with the parents that beef was no better than pork for the main dish.

“She’d drink it instead if she had a chance,” Thomas whispered towards him. “Going to be a fucking alcoholic before she reaches twenty.”

“Weren’t you the same though,” Newt objected automatically, and Thomas sipped his now almost full glass with a smirk.

“Never minded the taste, yeah,” he shrugged while licking his lips. Newt would believe from his expression the drink tasted good, if he didn’t know better. “I still like beer more though. This can easily knock me out of my socks if I’m not careful.”

“Mm.”

“You slept well?”

Newt stiffed at the question, as he expected he would if Thomas was going to breach it, and then forced his body to relax again while gripping his almost empty glass firmly.

“Fine,” he only uttered.

“Are we going to have a problem again tonight then or is it fine?” he heard Thomas asking in low voice and refused to meet his eyes. The night was alright, he slept more or less okay too, but that didn’t pose a problem in the first place, and Thomas knew it. Newt couldn’t say if it was Thomas’ way of being petty or getting revenge, but it sure bothered Newt like a thorn in his side.

“Can’t possibly kick you off, when your mum likes to check up on us,” he mumbled with a quick glance towards Anna, still in heated debate over food with the rest of the family. “So let’s pretend it’s fine.”

“I’m not pretending anything,” Thomas scoffed. “I don’t mind sharing a bed. It’s not like you’re a stranger.”

“Sure.”

“Hmm,” Thomas let out and then moved again, lifting his legs and deposited them rudely on Newt’s lap while leaning against the side of his dad who barely even noticed.

“Sure then,” he was grinning when Newt shot him a glare. “Love of my life.”

“I swear I’ll murder you,” Newt gritted through his teeth and refused to acknowledge how his heart thumped when Thomas smiled at him like he just said something overly sweet.

“Looking forward to it,” the brunet responded instead while sipping their shared drink and Newt twisted his big toe in revenge. Sadly, it didn’t have much of an effect.

***

“What the fuck happened to you over those years, jesus fuck!” If anybody asked, Newt didn’t sound like a naggy wife scolding her husband, no sir. “You can’t hold your liquor for shit!”

“Whaaa-,” Thomas’ attempt to sound offended interrupted a loud burp and then fit of laughter, all that when he was plastered over Newt’s back who was unceremoniously dragging him back to his room.

“If you throw up over my back, you’re dead,” he warned the drunkard coldly and Thomas let out hehehe but didn’t deny it. Newt suspected him he could walk just fine but wanted to be as obnoxious as possible, so Newt would have to take care of him in front of his amused parents who left them to it. Newt would be much happier if Thomas’ dad would toss his son to the bed one armed, because he definitely could, and wouldn’t leave Newt to fight with the deadweight all alone, but then again maybe it was for the best.

True enough, Thomas had in total of four and half glasses full of whiskey, even though Brian laughed at him to get drunk after three shots. Naturally didn’t know every time he poured Newt a fresh batch, even though Newt tried to tell him no thanks, he secretly dumped it into Thomas’ glass who drank it, just to get refilled from Brian again as well, and that went until the bottle was empty and Thomas started giggling.

Which led them to the situation at hand – with Newt dragging his ex up the stairs and to his room – their room – while swearing like a sailor, and then just dumping him onto the bed like a sack of potatoes where Thomas landed with soft oof.

“Why’s the room sp’nning…?” he heard the muffled question shortly after, looking at Thomas’ boneless form of a dead drunk with his face half buried in covers. “Make it stooop~.”

“You feel like barfing?” he asked instead of reacting to the drunk observation and Thomas groaned, then tried to push himself up, just to fail miserably. He tried two more times until he realized he really couldn’t get up because his arms wouldn’t support him, and just had to worm his way up to the pillow by crawling. Which was almost painful to watch, honestly.

“Neeeewt.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” the blond buried his face to his hands until another whine of his name came and he walked to the bed and pushed Thomas on his back instead. That got him a sloppy grin in return in a drunk haze.

“Hi,” the drunkard slurred. “How’re ya?”

“Sucky,” Newt answered while crossing his arms on his chest.

“Oh noooo…” another whine. “Whyyy?”

“Have to take care of one smashed idiot,” Newt nudged Thomas’ side with his knee, earning another giggle. He couldn’t say he had experience with drunk Thomas – or at least with this much drunk Thomas. If he ever got inebriated enough to be considered wasted, he just passed out, usually. But today’s drunk Thomas sure had some annoying stamina and kept himself awake for too long.

“I’ll protect you from ‘im,” Thomas managed to reach out with his hand, grabbing at Newt’s sweater. “C’me to the bed.”

“I think you need a bucket first,” Newt let him pawn his sweater with a sigh.

“Mkay.” The hand on his sweater stayed, grabbing randomly, until it dropped to Newt’s thigh where it lightly squeezed, and Thomas let an appraising hum. “You got thinner.”

“It’s just your imagination,” Newt pushed the hand away and it bounced back onto the mattress. “Get changed, I’ll be right back.”

“Nooo…”

He ignored the whine and left the bedroom with a lump in his throat. Drunk Thomas could be bad for his conscience.

***

He got back half an hour later, after a bath and finding a bucket he could deposit at the edge of the bed, in hope Thomas didn’t manage to throw up in meantime. He found him sleeping sprawled over the mattress, right in the middle, still in the same clothes and smelling like a liquor store. There was no barf anywhere at least.

“Sweet,” he sighed while putting the bucket near Thomas’ possible trajectory of his head if he felt like bending over and vomiting. “Glad we had this talk about sleeping together, huh.”

He slowly crawled onto the bed, careful not to wake Thomas up (though judging by his occasional snores it wasn’t happening) and slid under the blanket as much as Thomas’ weight allowed him.

In hindsight… there was no way he could be mad at him anyway, for today. No matter how drunk the man got, he still remembered how Newt didn’t like alcohol and Newt hated how it warmed his jaded heart.

He fell asleep eventually, dreaming of grabby hands and sad smiles.

***

“Your mum is going to hear us, you ass!”

“Don’t care.”

“Tommy!”

No response, only hot lips on his neck, licking and biting and pampering it with kisses and Newt just remained pinned against the door of Thomas’ room, taking the weight of his boyfriend against his body and roaming hands grabbing at his butt and then traveling to his thigh, hiking it up to settle against Thomas’s hip. His heart was beating so loud he couldn’t hear anything else, just thump thump thump of his blood roaring, and Thomas’s sweet nothings he was murmuring to Newt’s ear in a rough voice.

“I want you so much,” Thomas whispered when unbuckling Newt’s pants, sliding his hand under them against hot, naked skin, and Newt couldn’t hold back a moan, he just needed him closer, he needed to kiss him, to touch him, to get him inside-

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” Thomas bit out, voice strained, and Newt let him to lift him up and carry him towards the bed, their lips meeting in a messy, frantic kiss. It was painful, it was rushed, but it was what Newt needed, the brutal strength of Thomas’ body pushing into him and his own breathy moans coming out when their lips parted, and he heard a dull thud at some point when he was trying to hold onto the bedpost once Thomas thrusted into him so strong it made him see stars, but he didn’t care about anything else but pleasure and pain and adoration he felt when he was with him-

Newt woke up with a start, his body hot and aroused, and he felt on fire and caged and painfully hard. He could barely catch a breath when he noticed arms slung possessively around his torso and waist pushing him insistently against warm body behind him, waking up all his senses one by one like Christmas lights.

It took him a moment, the initial confusion clearing like a fog from his mind, making him realize Thomas was cuddling him from behind, one of his hands got under Newt’s shirt and was spread across his naked belly possessively.

“Shit,” he couldn’t stop himself from cursing and attempted to disentangle, but it only made Thomas to clutch to him harder, like a defence mechanism, unwilling to let go. He tried to push away one of the arms holding him, but Thomas slung a leg over his hips in response, trapping him even more.

“Don’t leave,” a sleepy voice sliced the silence and Newt stiffened once he felt hot lips on the back of his neck, mouthing there persistently.

“Thomas-.” He tried to turn around but couldn’t move an inch and Thomas bit down slightly, sending shivers down Newt’s spine.

“Mmm…” he heard the hum, and then the tense weight relaxed once Thomas fell asleep again, and Newt didn’t dare to move anymore.

It was going to be a long night and Newt refused to acknowledge the little voice in the back of his head screaming for relief by Thomas’ hand.

#newtmas #tmr #the maze runner #Last Resort series #newmas

[twdmusicboxmystery]

The Daryl and Leah Spoilers - Everybody BREATHE!

Okay, let’s talk about it. We’re gonna have to talk about it. The Crappiest Spoilers of All Time. (We’ll just abbreviate them CSAT, okay?)

Yes, I saw them. Yes, I spent most of the day yesterday talking about them with people. Yes, we went up and down and forward and back and right and left trying to figure out what the hell. Actually, I literally got 68 Asks about this yesterday. 68! Lol. I may have sarcastically told a couple of people it was 400. It wasn’t that high. But even when something big happens, I don’t generally get more than about 20, so this was a lot.

***Below I’ll be talking about all kinds of spoilers for 10x18! If you’re not someone who wants to know, stop reading now. You’ve been warned!***

Okay, let’s start by attacking this head-on.

Does this suck? Yes.

Am I happy about it? Obviously not.

Does it change my opinion about Beth’s return? Not in the slightest.

And in all seriousness, I’m not trying to make light of this. I totally understand how everyone is feeling right now and I feel the same. But if you’re doubting or losing hope, please keep reading. I really think the things I have to say after talking to people in the fandom literally all day yesterday will make you feel better.

So I’m going to talk about some things that are suspicious to me about this, and also about some reasons why, even if it’s exactly what it looks like, we don’t really need to worry. I’m also gonna give you a possible way this could actually be okay, but I’ll warn you that scenario is mostly head canon and not super likely to be the case.

Context

The first thing I’m going to point out is that we really, REALLY do not have the full context for this episode. CSAT are big, but there’s a lot we don’t know about what’s going on here. I have a thousand questions and we can’t really be sure of anything until we know the answers. Which we won’t until we see the episode.

And I don’t mean things that make me doubt CSAT are true. I mean like, what is Leah doing out there? Why did no one else ever meet her? Why did she disappear? Did she go on her own because she’s a jerk, or was she taken? Is the CRM involved? We simply don’t know.

These are just a few, and the answers might profoundly effect the way we view these events. So, I’m just saying there’s a lot we can’t be sure of and we should be taking these with a grain of salt. I’ll come back to these questions in a minute. 

The Psychology

So, my first reaction to this was that it’s not entirely unrealistic. Is it out of character? Yes, for sure. They’ve pegged Daryl as a character who wouldn’t do something like this, so it’s definitely out of character for him. I’m totally with ya on that. But I also feel like this isn’t a real relationship for him. What I mean is, it might be something of a rebound or an act of desperation on his part.

Think about what we know about this part of his life. He’s just lost Rick and is devastated. According to these same CSAT, Carol abandons him. AGAIN. I think he’s feeling very depressed and lonely and would reach out to just about anyone at this point. It doesn’t mean he’s in love with her. And yes, I know about the note he wrote to her, but I still think that can be explained by his state of mind. If he’s not feeling like he belongs anywhere else, and Carol has specifically told him she’s not coming back, why wouldn’t he go with someone who’s promising him companionship? I don’t like it, and I know it’s not what everyone wants to hear, but I do understand it.

I promise I’ll move onto happier things. Like this:

Patterns:

We’ve seen this pattern with A LOT of the TWD couples. They put one or both of them together with a small, short-term love interest. And that always happens RIGHT BEFORE they hook up with their soul mate. So, let’s review, shall we?

Carol had Tobin, and right after she left him, she met Ezekiel. Rick kissed Jessi, and only a month after she died, he and Michonne finally got together. Enid was with Ron when we first met her, but it was obvious Carl was meant to be her true love. You could even point to Abraham and Rosita. Their relationship was a bit longer and more established than these others, but the fact is Rosita wasn’t Abe’s soul mate. Sasha was. And now Rosita is with Gabriel, so…

My point is that Leah may be Daryl’s Jessie. Or Tobin. Take your pick. But the pattern is that this will be short term and he should be finding his true soul mate VERY soon after. Just saying.

Is This a Healthy Relationship?

Someone in my group pointed this out. CSAT says she asks him to choose between her and the rest of his life. I didn’t think much about that until one of my FB groupies pointed it out, but it’s really not cool to do that to him. It’s almost passive-aggressive. The way I see it, when you fall in love with someone, you want to get to know their family and participate in every part of their lives. If this was a true, committed relationship, she would WANT to go to Alexandria and meet his friends. She would WANT to help him in his search for Rick’s body. But that doesn’t seem to be the case.

So, in terms of how Daryl feels about her, well, loneliness is a different feeling than real love, and I’m not sure this is the healthiest relationship for Daryl to be in.

Scope, or Lack Thereof

The thing that I think most of the fandom is on the same page about is how out of character this is for Daryl. How out of left field this feels.

I’m mean, this is Daryl. Daryl Freaking Dixon. The writers know about the shipping wars. They know that no matter who they pair him up with—Carol, Connie, Beth, Leah, someone else—it’s going to be a huge deal. For them to do it like this just doesn’t make sense.

Now, I don’t think we have a definite timeline on this. We have two possibilities.

1)     I’ve seen some people say he’s sleeping with a complete stranger, which is very out of character for him.

2)     I’ve also seen posts that claim the two of them meet and develop a relationship over time. That would be less out of character, but it would also mean that the writers developed an entire relationship for Daryl in only one episode…and then took it away.

Does that seem logical to you? I just don’t buy it.

So, at the very least, if this turns out to be what it looks like on the surface—a real romantic relationship for him—I’m gonna say it’s not going to be a big one. It’s not going to be end-all, be-all of Daryl’s love life.

My Praying-This-Headcanon-Is-True-While-Also-Trying-Not-To-Get-My-Hopes-Up-That-It-Is Theory

All right, everyone. I honestly wasn’t sure I should even include this. I don’t want to get people’s hopes up about it. But the more I think about it, the more I think it’s a distinct possibility. 

So, @wdway said this first, and I kind of just glazed over it like, “Meh, probably not.” But the more I thought about it, and the more I talked to people and hashed things out, the more sense it made.

Let me go back to some of those questions I asked at the beginning. Why did no one else ever meet Leah when he was in a relationship with her? Yes, because they were out in the woods together, but it talks about him going to see Carol and going to Alexandria and looking for Rick, which is why she asks him to choose in the first place.

But if you have a sustained relationship with someone, why wouldn’t you introduce them to your friends? Why wouldn’t he have taken her to Alexandria with him? It’s really odd to me that this happened at a time when Daryl was completely on his own out in the woods and NO ONE in his life ever saw or met her.

(Once again, I have to point out that with how vague CSAT are, we can’t know for sure that no one else knew about her. Maybe when we watch the episode, it will show that someone did, but this is the vibe I’m getting right now.)

What else do we know about this point in his life? He’s deep in the throes of his grief over Rick, he’s withdrawn to his robotic, survival mode, which he always does when he’s lost someone close to him, Carol has just abandoned him, and he’s lonely. People who spend too much time alone DO tend to go a little crazy.

So, here it is:

Is there any chance this Leah woman…could be a hallucination?

Honestly guys, that makes WAY more sense to me than that she’s real. Because everyone in the fandom who’s saying this is out of character for Daryl is 100% right. Everyone who’s asking why the writers would do this is 100% right to be asking that question.

And let me tell you, it’s not just us asking it. The entire fandom is. Obviously, all the shippers. And while I’m sure there are some in the non-shipping fans who are glad Daryl is getting a love interest, even they think it’s a little weird. Cuz, you know, it is.

But this show regularly does hallucination story arcs, and Daryl himself even has a history of it. I’m just saying.

People have also suggested that it would sort of makes sense given what I said above about the “unhealthiness” of their relationship. Maybe her wanting him to choose was really more about his sanity and leaving the delusion behind. Again, just a thought.

Then there’s the suspicious timing of CSAT.

Suspicious Release of CSAT and Hype

While messaging with @monroelibrarian0626, she said something I hadn’t thought of that made a lot of sense. Does anyone else find it suspicious that they said we wouldn’t be getting screeners for several weeks and then literally two days later all these spoilers about Daryl’s sex life drop?

It’s not rocket science to know that tptb intentionally leaked these to drum up viewership. Everyone is totally going to watch to see what this is all about. But it also seems to me that they may be releasing just enough information to get everyone all hyped up and then it won’t end up being what it seems. Here, I’ll just give you part of my text message with her because she explains this point better than I do.

But yeah, I get that impression that she's not real, and that's really good promotion and hype for the producers to draw in more viewers. Don't miss it! Daryl is gonna have sex! And then, boom! You find out it's a hallucination. I remember with LOST, there was a preview for next week's show, and in it, the Korean guy, Jin, was shown saying, "It's going to be alright." And he didn't speak English then, in season 2, so it was like, OH MY GOD! And here, when the episode aired, Jin speaking English was part of Hurley's hallucination. Could be along the same lines! --@monroelibrarian0626

Doesn’t that just make a certain amount of sense? Especially given how out of character this feels for Daryl? No matter what you think of the writers on this show, they just really don’t betray the way they’ve set up their characters like this.

Now, once again, I’m really not hanging all my hopes on this. I’m preparing myself for the outcome of her being real and this being a real relationship for Daryl. Mostly because I don’t want to get my hopes too high. And I would suggest you all make your peace with that being the case. I’m just throwing this out there as a possibility. Even TD aside, given how out of character this feels, it would make more sense to me than that they’ve actually put him in this relationship.

It could also that once we actually see the entire episode, depending on what the other details of the story line are, it might be really obvious that she’s real and the detail will explain a lot of this away. That’s a real possibility. Once we learn about other parts of the episode, everything I’ve said here could easily go straight down the toilet.

Another outcome is that she could be a hallucination, but we won’t even know it because Daryl doesn’t. If he doesn’t realize she wasn’t real, the viewers might not be told that, either.

Other Things I’m Side-Eyeing

Check out this tweet, specifically the emojis he uses. Don’t you find those suspicious? Fish? A violin? A sunrise? Boat? Hourglass? Now, this guy got a screener. He’s not one of the writers or someone close to the show who would know the overarching grand plan, so I’m not suggesting he has some inside knowledge of Beth’s return.

But why would he use these emojis? There’s no reason for him to tie them to Leah. The only answer there can be is that he saw these things in the episode. He simply added them to the tweet as hints of what we can expect. And if all those symbols are represented in the episode, this is going to be a super heavy Beth-symbolism episode.

Not to mention, have you checked out Leah’s costuming in detail? Her boots are damn close to what Beth’s looked like. And sitting on the porch, the bag on her back looks a LOT like the one Beth carried in Still. 

I feel like she’s a Beth stand-in. And I think that will be true whether she’s real or not. Again, if we go with the Tobin/Jessi/Ron pattern, she’ll be a forerunner of Beth, so having Beth symbolism around her isn’t surprising.

But once again, this isn’t something we need to worry about.

And don’t even get me started on the damn cabin motif. I’ve been thinking about this since I did my 5x09/Tyreese post last week. I’m not going to go into details here because I don’t even have it all straight in my head yet, but it has some interesting ramifications for this Daryl/Leah situation.

So, pretty much everything that everyone is saying (including me) is pure conjecture until we actually see the episode. I know that’s probably not very helpful, but it’s the truth.

So, what’s my main point about this? It’s this:

I hope she’s a hallucination, but even if she’s not, it doesn’t bother me overly much. I mean, of course I’m bothered because I don’t like to see him in a relationship with her, but I mean I’m not bothered where Beth is concerned. It doesn’t change the fact that I think she’ll still be back, and this will just be a blip of some kind in Daryl’s story. And if she’s real, and it’s following the Tobin/Jessie/Ron pattern, Beth (his true soulmate) should be surfacing VERY soon thereafter.

So, we basically don’t know anything until we do, and I know the fandom is collectively losing its mind. I know this is going to be hard to get used to. But try to make your peace with it, in all its possible iterations. Try not to let it freak you out. Hold the line, TDers. Hold the line!

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethyl

[jae-canikeepyou]

| odd hour | j.jh

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

genre: fluff again cuz why not

a/n: written without proof reading because i had other writings to deal with :p hehehe! anyway i hope you enjoy reading, my dears! ~j.  

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

your chest tightened at the loud sound blasting from your phone. eventually your hands pulled the remains of your blanket to muffle out the ringtone. that’s great! it stopped ringing for a moment before the vibration went ahead of the tone. heck, it rang again. you kicked the covers in frustration, little whimpers escaping your lips that it was another night you couldn’t have a peaceful trip to your slumber.

the bright light kept blinking in the dark and forcing you to open your eyes. anger was written all over your sleepy body as you turned lazily to the table beside the bed. who could be calling you at this hour when you already started to enjoy the dream projected in your brain? screw whoever cut it short. as if you had the screen memorised, your fingers slid across to answer the call.

“hello?” you greeted groggily with a long, and somewhat disrespectful yawn. no harm in letting them know how irritated you were, right?

“y/n! i called you twice and you answer at the second call? you usually pick up after the first ‘prrrring’!” mingyu, your best friend slightly yelled a bit louder in attempt to overpower the booming sound system in the background. probably in the club again, you thought.

“mingyu?” you sat up just so you wouldn’t fall asleep. “tsk. ever thought of that i might be sleeping at this hour? it’s 3 a.m for crying out loud!”

by the sound of his voice in the other line, it was obvious his phone was taken away. you could hear him scolding someone, actually, when did he never scold anyone, that included you as well. “yah! jaehyun!”

you quickly stood up in your disheveled pj’s; heart hammering non-stop at the mention of this handsome, human being that have always caught you off guard whenever mingyu would hang with you. he’d tag along too and each time that happened, you tried not to smile or blush in front of the dimpled heartthrob.

and most of the time you end up failing when the rest of the boys shoot you with teasing daggers of grins.

the call was still on hold, and it appeared that mingyu tried to snap the boy back to reality. he kept on raising his tone and uneven breaths were heard, trying to chase jaehyun. you were walking back and forth— feeling nervous, in which by the way, was unnecessary. but what were you supposed to feel?

it was jeong jaehyun.

the guy you fell hard for, literally; when you tripped over due to the desktop chair’s legs that you didn’t see. embarrassing as it was, he was indeed a gentleman to have helped you stand up on your toes. your eyes never left his until he bowed to take his leave.

“y/n! do you have time?” mingyu finally went back to giving the attention you waited for. “i got hold of jaehyun.”

“and?” you asked, eyebrows furrowed in question and held in your breath, the useless excitement of yours started growing— so were your eyes when he said the next words,

and also that had you blushing hard.

“pick your man up!” mingyu laughed with a husky and hiccupy kind.

you became flustered and panicked and your lips couldn’t utter a response. he started to burst out laughing, only to stop when jaehyun took the phone from him. “ʸ/ⁿ! ⁱˢ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʸᵒᵘ? ʰᵉˡˡᵒ!” he sounded drunk and totally different from what you had imagined. he was already cute, but the jaehyun now was cuter.

“y/n, please come here and get him?” mingyu begged. poor guy, his 97-line friends partied the night away and if there was anyone who would drive, that’d be him. “i can’t fit an extra person in my seven-seater van.” he whined and you could already picture out his pouty lips. “i’ve got chan, seokmin, jungkook, bam, minghao and eunwoo. jae’s a big guy so-”

grabbing your jacket and slipped on some comfy sweatpants, you headed for the door but stopped mid-way when you realised what you were doing. crap i got carried away. “wait hold up.” you sighed, putting down your car keys. “an extra person wouldn’t be a problem right? put someone at the compartment area or on the floor or something.”

mingyu faked a laugh. “i’ve never seen jae drunk before. i don’t want him puking.” he claimed.

“so you’d rather want him to throw up in my car-”

“ah consider this a favor, my sweet sis.” cutting you off and leaving you stunned in your tracks. “we, your brothers know your crush towards him. so if you don’t want us to tell him about your jeelings when he’s sober, better get here soon~”

j-jeelings??

you tried to enter his blabbermouth reasons even if you knew you didn’t stand a chance against this giant puppy. “wait, ‘gyu! i don’t know his apartme-” and he ended the call.

great, what were you going to do now?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the road was identical with those seen in an apocalyptic world described in movies. there were less people, flickering lampposts and garbage/debris spinning in circles with the wind’s currents. you flinched at the touch from jaehyun’s arms, which were attached to yours. he mumbled words in ways you couldn’t understand. it appeared more of a gibberish language; if not, then he was a total baby.

with combined smell of his perfume and alcohol, you thought you were about to pass out. he was too close and wondered how he was able to cling onto you in the most uncomfortable way possible. you sighed as you finally pulled over at his apartment block.

“jaehyun. we’re home.” you said, unbuckling the seatbelt and you had to do it for him since he was busy giggling at the buzzing fly trying to escape the window.

“we’re homeee?” he turned to you, face flushed than ever where you blinked non-stop at his stupid, adorable smile. “is it possible that you’re my wife? *hiccup* hahahaaa! wait i’m not even married yet!”

w-wife?..

you got off the car and went to his side, opening the door then found him struggling to stand up. “are you my wife?” he giggled.

“jaehyun you’re not married and i’m not your w-wife.” you said sternly, biting back from saying your actual, honest thoughts aloud.

he slung his arms around you thinking that you would support his weight. once you arrived at his doorstep, he pulled and led you into his apartment. apparently with the little furnitures he owned and no roommates found, it was clear that he lived alone. “stay here. i’ll give you water.” he offered and headed to the kitchen with wobbly steps. funny how he could make out his way there.

the place he calls home had pretty basic things; a keyboard, a complete set of tech-stuff you had no knowledge of and a vinyl turntable with several records. you snapped out of admiration when he handed you a glass of water and gummy smile glued to his face. getting up, you decided it was best for the both of you to get some rest. “thanks jae. now that you’re here, i’m gonna head back ho-”

a light thump on the wooden floor had you turning to him, but you covered your eyes at his action.

“tsk, it’s hot.” he removed his hoodie and underneath it revealed his tank top and toned arms. he was about to remove his top when you stopped him just in time.

“w-what’re you doing?!” you squealed and hopped, panicky and unsure what to do next. one palm covered your eyes and the other brought forth to reach him.

“taking my clothes off- hey! that tickles!” he whined, then laughing at the tugs you pulled at the ends of this hoodie, preventing him from further actions.

you fanned yourself at the exerted strength you’ve given, resting your arm by your waist. “gosh you’re such a handful!” you sighed. it was alright to blush since he wasn’t sober to see your expressions. thank heavens.

jaehyun crossed his arms and looked at you from head to toe. feeling the sleep signals hitting your body, you yawned at the odd hour you were suddenly dragged into. you thought bringing him home was hard, but getting him to stay at one place was harder.

his smiley face and waving body headed to the kitchen again, you slowly followed him around the apartment. “are you really not my wife?” his sudden turn to face you, causing flinch at his touch on your arm.

“jaehyun, for the last time, i’m not.” heh i wish. you rubbed his fluffy hair and grabbed your keys to get home. “wash up now and good night jae.”

he lightly slammed the wall behind you, not letting you leave. his eyes stared into yours, luring you into his world, an imperfect perfection. the weight of his forehead suddenly leaned on your shoulder, as if he was towering over you and yet he lowered himself to pull you close to him. “i won’t let you.”

the stillness of your body followed his words, like obeying a general’s command and no matter how sleepy you were, that went away once you returned his hug, not wanting to let go and take in the moment. this was rare, although it seemed like you took advantage of his drunkenness, even on normal days it was difficult to hold a conversation with jaehyun because he seemed so far-fetched.

a soft air of whispers tickled your ears, sending goosebumps at the touch of them. “did i surprise you?” he asked, followed by again a drunken giggle.

was he serious? “and if i said no?” you lied, trying to appear unaffected when you actually were. what’s wrong with you y/n?

“‘no?’ then if i do this, will you be surprised?” he asked with a challenging tone and had to leaned in closer than before where you both of your knees were touching.

“what exactly are you going to do nghf-” your fingers curled and eyes flutter when a sudden warmth met your lips. you knew you were going to faint right then and there,

but in fact it was the opposite.

jaehyun’s weight lifted off of you, collapsing afterwards when darkness consumed his sight to meet his sleep. he mumbled words that you didn’t notice, still utterly shocked with what he did. you managed to catch him and supported him to his bed.

your fingers touched the slightly swollen lips he planted upon as you were out of his door. then it immediately got you thinking that there was no way you would be able to look at him in the eye the next time you both meet.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the drumming of your heart continued for the next days since that night. yugyeom noticed how fidgety you were whenever jaehyun would sit with the group at the library or at the caféteria. you’d immediately leave and think of lame excuses so you wouldn’t see jaehyun. at first they didn’t mind, you were a busy person after all. however this time, yugyeom managed to grab your wrists and plop you back to the chair. you mentally cursed at him and he didn’t seem to care like smiling it off would let him off the hook.

you annoyingly and purposely tilted your body so you wouldn’t face jaehyun entirely. “i don’t know what’s up with you but you gotta spill why you’re behaving this way.” yugyeom whispered and you rolled your eyes because yeah, you were busted.

“am i too obvious?” your surrendering voice softened his eyes, more so when you covered your face.

he raised his eyebrows and little did you know mingyu witnessed this as well. “obvious when you’re trying to hide your feelings for jaehyun or obvious that you’re trying ditch us again because of jaehyun?”

“both.” you sighed.

“did something happen that night?” mingyu cupped his lips, soon joining the so called ‘secret and quiet’ conversation you and yugyeom were having.

he didn’t get any verbal responses from you because you gave them a smile of uncertainty where your palms brushed your lips briefly. he covered his mouth as if he was really shocked, more of he really was. “something did, yeah?” he whispered and was convinced from your actions.

your phone alarmed, reminding you of your next class. quickly you packed your stuff and shoved them inside the bag, not caring whether they were neat or not. the rushed actions made jaehyun and the others look your way, and you tried your best to not meet his eye. “i gotta go.”

the faint smell of your perfume stayed in jaehyun’s nostrils whilst you didn’t bother to say goodbye. he turned his torso around, following your figure until it was getting further off the horizon of the caféteria. his friends became awkwardly silent, and he expected them to at least say something if there was a reason of your unusual behavior. instead, he got nothing, that they continued to eat even if they knew he had questions.

“is y/n okay?” he tilted his head in confusion, and saw how his buds bend theirs.

no one dared to speak because in this table, jaehyun was the oblivious one. he wasn’t aware of your feelings for him and the others have kept silent knowing the consequences if they told him; you were quite an angry bear, ‘a cute kind’, they said. “why are you all suddenly quiet?” he asked, the sips and slurps of the cups soon to be emptied.

“oh well y’know..” mingyu chuckled with his fangs peeking out. “just tired?”

“‘cause we’re eating?” jungkook pointed his food.

“uh we have a choice to be?” chan giggled with seokmin who was unable to keep silent.

jaehyun raised a brow, totally not convinced at the excuses and sat back with arms crossed. “you know i could tell if something’s up. who answers with a question anyway?” his straightforwardness wasn’t doing enough to keep them talking. “i’m gonna follow y/n.”

yugyeom stood to stop jaehyun from doing his thing without thinking straight. “wait!” he called out to him and the boy turned around.

the rest of the circle had given daggers to youngest who kept telling him to keep his words to himself. they really didn’t want to make you angry, but what yugyeom was doing would risk their friendship with you. to be exact, risk your friendship with jaehyun’s because of term called ‘crush’. their eyes pleaded and begging him to not spill anything.

“what?” jaehyun flattened his lips that the corners curved inwards, a more confused look seen on him. yugyeom cupped his mouth to whisper, the dimpled man’s eyes grew and scurried off the campus.

chan propped his elbows as the man sat back on his seat. “‘gyeom, what did you tell him?”

“y/n gave a hint before she left, i doubted it first. but it made so much sense as to why she kept ditching our meet-ups-”

“get to the point!” the rest of them pressured him.

the blond haired boy only sighed. “i told jae that he might've drunk-kissed y/n.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the sun met its sleep and the night began with patches of rain sprinkling your window. cool rushes of wind entered the thin gaps which sent shivers down to your spine, you wrapped yourself more into the cardigan. you hated it when the weather changes. 

pacing back and forth of your apartment, you’ve had battles in your head that maybe it was best to tell jaehyun or maybe it was better to keep things this way before you had the confidence to do so. you yelled into the pillow to let all of your feelings out. it was too much for your heart to carry or continue. even if you did decide to tell him, how would you approach him? how would you begin the conversation?

you held your phone much tighter than before yugyeom sent a message that gotten your brows raising in millions of questions.

[19:03] yuggie: the boys and i will treat you lunch or any of your cravings! we promise! 🙏🏼

“cool. i won’t be touching my savings for a while!” you cheered, knuckles and fists closed at the good news. unbeknownst to you, the reason for their actions probably would be revealed at a later time.

whilst you waited for dinner to be delivered, you turned on netflix to binge some series you haven’t watched before. however, you paused the means of leisure because you felt lonely. your roommate was out of town, leaving you to care for the apartment for a couple of weeks. and you couldn’t call the rest of the boys because some had work while others were busy with gaming. you could join them, but the motion picture of the game just doesn’t work together with your sight. the weather was already making you sick and nauseous. might feel worse if you played. 

so you uninterestedly switched on the tv again, spent nth minutes into choosing but never really decided on one. 

the memory and experience from that night came flashing in your head. you remembered the touch of his plump lips, the mixed smell of perfume and alcohol, his large hands wrapping your arm and the universe in his twinkling eyes. indeed you liked him a lot, and were thankful that your friends kept it a secret. if the truth came out, you wouldn’t know what else to do.

ding dong!

you stood fumbling with your purse, assured that maybe the pizza guy could wait a little, except it wasn’t who you thought it’d be. the door revealed jaehyun, soaked with an embarrassed smile. “hi?” he greeted, the rain drenched his clothes to the skin and his hair laid flat on his porcelain forehead. “i was about to call but-”

he was pulled in immediately, your hands on his wrists as the water bead droplets wet the wooden floor. “what are you doing in rain?!” you hissed, grabbing new towels for him to dry.

“i didn’t bring an umbrella and the sky just-”

“i thought i was reckless to leave the window open but you’re actually more reckless-”

“i have something to tell you.” he let the towel hung around his neck. there was something in his eyes that you somehow.. knew what he meant by that, so you decided to deal with yugyeom later. “i-”

“pizza delivery!” the guy said, making you and jaehyun turn to the still opened door.

you sighed heavily, why is there always one interrupting the other?

once everything was settled, he walked further into your home and removed his shirt that revealed a rather toned and refined abs. he took a new tee from a laundry basket fresh out from the wash that was exclusive for the boys in case of emergencies. you took care of actual babies.

you were now with him seated around the coffee table, unpacking the side dishes and drinks. “join me for dinner. i don’t think i can finish all this in one go.” you took extra ketchup from the cupboard. 

“wasn’t why i came here for but thanks y/n.” he smiled widely at the food laid out in front of him. 

that statement alone made you stop what you were doing. “why did you come here?” your eyes looked everywhere but him. unconsciously you bit your lip not because the guy you like was here, but because the kiss flashed in your mind again. 

jaehyun saw your action and scooted closer, the centimeters between you both lessening. “it can’t be a mistake, can it?” his voice was soft, with a hint of regret and worry at every uttered word. he eyed you from yours to your now wavering lips. “did i.. perhaps steal your first kiss?”

no words were needed to be said as to jaehyun, your actions and silence already said enough. you wanted to scream as the awkward air and your speechlessness was very unintentional. you wanted to talk, yet you couldn’t for who knew the reasons why. 

“i’ll take that as a yes.” he chuckled, stopping quickly afterwards at your fidgety state. “did i look that drunk?”

now it was you who let out an awkward chuckle. “so you don’t remember what happened that night?”

a warm tone of his hums prolonged the more the thought deeper. “not that i know of.. all i remember was being in the club with the dudes.” 

the rain poured heavier and it was uncertain when it would stop. thunderstorms were heard along with the patters of the droplets. jaehyun felt lucky enough that he came right before the weather turn worse. he let out a sigh of relief, but the relief of doing something unimaginable to you hasn’t lifted off of his chest. in fact, he didn’t know exactly why he felt more nervous than before when he shouldn’t be because it was just you.

yet, it was nervous because it was you.

the girl who managed to make his heart flutter at random times with your big laughs you weren’t ashamed of; the girl who rather hangs out with guys since you said there just too much drama with the ladies. but has a handful gems in her circle. and most of all, you were the girl he somehow wanted a girlfriend to be.

“stay tonight.” your words jolted him out from his thoughts while you moved the curtain aside to observe the rain. “it’s not gonna stop.”

“oh.” he muttered, internally cursing himself for interpreting you wrongly. “sorry for the bother.”

you handed him a slice of pizza, already devouring yours. “that was my first kiss.” he heard you began the topic he thought was long forgotten. “but i’m somehow glad it was you.”

“why?” he munched on his slice, anticipation was leading him on the more he waited for an answer. stupid stupid heart, he told himself.

should i say it or should i not? you thought. the thing was, he was here. the opportunity was already given and if you chose to confess later, it would be more awkward. screw it, i’m confessing. 

with uncertainty and slight fear, you exhaled. “because i like you a lot.” you said, now turning away due to heat spreading your cheeks. “a lot more than i like captain america- i mean chris evans.”

he dropped his food onto his plate, lips forming a pressed smile but he remained his composure knowing that he would probably lose control any second. jaehyun tapped on your shoulders, making you turn to him. “is that so? then i’m glad i didn’t remember the kiss.” his voice low and lovely. 

you tilted your head without seeing his red ears. “what do you mean?”

jaehyun, without hesitations, leaned forward and cupped your jaw. the warmth of his lips onto yours was warmer than the food in your hand. he let go of you, planting boop on your nose.

“‘cause i wanna remember kissing you when i’m sober. i like you a lot too.”

#nct 127 #jaehyun oneshot #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun fanfic #jung jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #jung yoonoh #jaehyun au

[betterdaysareatoenailaway]

RANDOM REVIEW #2: ANY GIVEN SUNDAY (1999)

“This game has got to be about more than winning. You’re part of something.”  Any Given Sunday (1999), directed by Oliver Stone and featuring Jamie Foxx, Dennis Quaid, Cameron Diaz, Al Pacino, LL Cool J, James Woods, and Matthew Modine, is my favourite sports movie of all time. Of all time.

I’m not betraying my favourite sport by saying this. The Mighty Ducks is a kid’s movie. It’s okay, but it’s not a timeless classic. I don’t like the Slap Shot series, Sudden Death is fun but silly, and the Goon movies were a missed opportunity. The only truly good scene in Goon is the diner scene where Liev Schreiber tells Seann William Scott: “Don’t go trying to be a hockey player. You’ll get your heart ripped out.”

  Such is the sad circumstance of the hockey enforcer. They all want to play, not just fight. Here’s a link to a video in which the most feared fighter in the history of the NHL, Bob Probert, explains that he wanted to be “an offensive threat...like Bobby Orr,” not a fighter: https://youtu.be/4sbxejbMH4g?t=118 Heartbreaking. But not unusual.

Donald Brashear, Marty McSorley, Tie Domi, Stu “The Grim Reaper” Grimson, Frazer McLaren: they all had hockey skills. But they were told they had to fight to remain on the roster, so they fought. As Schreiber says in the film: “You know they just want you to bleed, right?”  If the players don’t bleed, they don’t get to stay on the team. So they fight, and they pay dearly for it later. Many former fighters have CTE or other head injuries that make day-to-day life difficult. The makers of Goon should have taken that scene and run with it. I was so disappointed they didn’t, especially given what happened right around the time the film came out, with the tragic suicides of Wade Belak, Derek Boogaard, and Rick Rypien, all enforcers, all dead in a single summer. So Hollywood hasn’t even made a good hockey movie, let alone a great one. Baseball has a shitload of good films, probably because the slower pace of play makes it easier to film. Moneyball has a terrific home run scene, Rookie of the Year does too. Angels in the Outfield was a big favourite of mine when I was a kid, plus all the Major League films, and Bull Durham. 

Football has two good movies: The Program (1993) and Rudy (1993).    

And football has one masterpiece. The one I am writing about today.

A young Oliver Stone trying not to die in Vietnam. ^ Now, I know Stone is laughed at these days, given his nutty conspiracy theories and shitty behaviour and the marked decline in the quality of his films (although 2012’s Savages was underrated). I know Stone is about as subtle as a sledgehammer, but do you want a football movie to be subtle? Baseball, sure. It’s a game of fine distinctions, but football? Football is war. And war is about steamrolling the enemy, distinctions be damned, which is why Any Given Sunday is such an amazing sports film. I love the way it shows the dark side of football. In fact, the film is so dark that the NFL withdrew their support and cooperation, forcing Stone to create a fictitious league and team to portray what he wanted to portray.

This is not to say the movie is fresh or original. Quite the opposite. Any Given Sunday has every single sports film cliché you can think of. But precisely because it tries to stuff every single cliché into its runtime, the finished product is not a cliched mess so much as a rich tapestry, a dense cinema verite depiction of the dizzying highs and depressing lows of a professional sports team as it wins, loses, parties, and staggers its way through a difficult season.  Cliché #1: The aging quarterback playing his final year, trying to win one last championship. (Dennis Quaid) 

Sample dialog: Dennis Quaid (lying in a hospital bed severely injured): Don’t give up on me coach. Al Pacino: You’re like a son to me. I’ll never give up on you. ^ I know this sounds awful. But it’s actually fuckin’ great. Cliché #2: The arrogant upstart new player who likes hip hop and won’t respect the old regime. (Jamie Foxx) 

Cliché #3: The walking wounded veteran who could die if he gets hit one more time. Coincidentally, he needs just one more tackle to make his million-dollar bonus for the season. (Lawrence Taylor) 

Cliché #4: The female executive in a man’s world who must assert herself aggressively in order to win the grudging respect of her knuckle-dragging male colleagues (Cameron Diaz). Diaz is fantastic in the role, though she should have had more screen time, given that the main conflict in the film is very much about the new generation, as represented by her and Jamie Foxx, trying to replace the old generation, represented by Al Pacino, Dennis Quaid, Jim Brown, and Lawrence Taylor. Some people think Diaz’s character is too calculating, but here’s the thing: she’s right. Too many sports GMs shell out millions for the player an individual used to be, not the player he presently is. “I am not resigning a 39-year old QB, no matter how good he was,” she tells Pacino’s coach character, and you know what? She’s right. The Leafs’ David Clarkson signing is proof positive of the perils of signing a player based on past performance, not current capability. Diaz’s character is the living embodiment of the question: do you want to win, or do you want to be loyal? Cuz sometimes you can’t do both.

Cliché #5: The team doctor who won’t sacrifice his ethics for the good of the team (Matthew Modine).

Cliché #6: The team doctor who will sacrifice his ethics for the good of the team (James Woods) 

Cliché #7: The grizzled, thrice-divorced coach who has sacrificed everything for his football team, to the detriment of his social and familial life, who must give a stirring speech at some point in the film (Al Pacino…who goes out there and gives the all-time greatest sports movie “we must win this game” speech) 

Cliché #8: The assistant or associate coach who takes a parental interest in his players, playing the good cop to the head coach’s bad cop (former NFL star Jim Brown). 

Best quote: “Who wants to be thinking about blitzes and crossblocks when you’re holding your grandkids in your arms? That’s why I wanna coach high school. Kids don’t know nothing. They just wanna play.” 

Cliché #9: The player who can’t stop doing drugs (L.L. Cool J).

Okay, so the first thing that needs to be talked about is Al Pacino’s legendary locker room speech.  Now, it’s the coach’s job to rile up and inspire the players. But eloquence alone won’t do it. If you use certain big words, you lose them (remember Brian Burke being endlessly mocked by the Toronto media for using the word “truculent?”). The coach must deliver the message in a language the players understand, while still making victory sound lofty and aspirational. This is not an easy thing to accomplish. One of my favourite inspirational lines was spoken by “Iron” Mike Keenan to the New York Rangers before Game 7 against the Vancouver Canucks in 1994. “Win tonight, and we’ll walk together forever.” Oooh that’s gorgeous. But Pacino’s speech is right up there with it. 

“You know, when you get old in life…things get taken from you. That’s parta life. But you only learn that when you start losin’ stuff. You find out…life’s this game of inches. So’s football. In either game – life or football – the margin for error is so small. I mean…one half a step too late or too early and you don’t quite make it…one half second too slow, too fast, you don’t quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They’re in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team, we fight for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches that’s gonna make the fuckin difference between winnin’ and losin’! Between livin’ and dyin’!” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_iKg7nutNY  Somehow, against all odds, Any Given Sunday succeeds. It is the Cinderella run of sports movies. You root for the film as you watch it. The dressing room scenes are incredible…the Black players listen to the newest hip hop while a trio of lunkhead white dudes headbang and scream “Hetfield is God.” There is a shower scene where a linebacker, tired of being teased about the size of his penis, tosses his pet alligator into the showers where it terrorizes his tormentors. There is a scene where a halfback has horrible diarrhea, but he’s hooked up to an IV so the doctor (Matthew Modine) has to follow him into the toilet cubicle, crinkling his nose as the player evacuates his bowels. There is a scene where someone loses an eye (the only scene in the film where Stone’s over-the-top approach misses the mark). There are scenes that discuss concussions (which is why the NFL refused to cooperate for the film), where Lawrence Taylor has to sign a waiver absolving the team of responsibility if he is hurt or paralyzed or killed. I wonder how purists and old school football fans reacted to the news that Oliver Stone was making a football film. If they even knew who he was (not totally unlikely…Stone made a string of jingoistic war movies in the 1980s) they probably thought the heavy hands of Oliver would ruin the film, take the poetry out of every play. But the actual football is filmed perfectly. The camera gets nice and low for the tackles. It flies the arcs of perfect spiral passes. It shows the chaos of a defensive line barreling down the field. When Al Pacino asked quarterback Dan Marino (fresh off his own Hollywood experience acting in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective) what it was like to be an NFL QB, Marino said: “Imagine standing on a highway with traffic roaring at you while trying to read Hamlet.” A great explanation. Shoulda made the movie. So the football itself is fabulously done. Much better than what Cameron Crowe did in the few football scenes in Jerry Maguire. The Program had some great football, as did Rudy, but neither come close to the heights of Any Given Sunday. In one of the film’s best scenes, Jamie Foxx insists that his white coaches have routinely placed him in situations where he was doomed to fail or prone to injury, and we believe him because white coaches have been doing that to Black players for decades. Quarterback Doug Williams, who led his Washington Redskins team to a Superbowl victory in 1987, was frequently referred to by even liberal media outlets as a “Black quarterback,” instead of just “quarterback,” as if his skin colour necessitated a qualification. Even now, in 2021, the majority of quarterbacks are white, although the gap is gradually closing. The 2020 season saw the highest number of starting Black quarterbacks, with 10 out of a possible 32.  Quarterback is the most cerebral position on the field, and for a long time there was a racist belief that Black men couldn’t do the job. Foxx’s character is a composite of many of the different Black quarterbacks who came of age in the 1990s, fighting for playing time against white QBs beloved by their fan base, fawned over in hagiographic Sports Illustrated profiles, and protected by the good ol’ boys club of team executives and coaching staff. Foxx’s character isn’t demoted because he can’t play the game. He wins several crucial games for his team en route to the playoffs. He’s demoted because he listens to hip hop in the dressing room, because he recorded a rap song and shot a video for it, and because he’s cocky. Yes, the scene where he asks out Cameron Diaz is sexist, as if her power only comes from her sexuality, not her intelligence and business acumen, but it’s meant to show how overly confident Foxx is, not that he’s a sexist prick. Any Given Sunday isn’t a single issue film. It’s basically an omni-protest piece. It gleefully shows football’s dark side, and there is no director better than Oliver Stone for muck-raking. He’s in full-on investigative journalist mode in Any Given Sunday, showing how and why players play through serious brain injuries. How because they are given opiates, often leading to debilitating addictions (this happens in all contact sports...Colorado Avalanche player Marek Svatos overdosed on heroin a few years after retiring from injuries). As to why, Stone gives two reasons. One, team doctors are paid by the team, not the players, therefore their decisions will benefit the team, not the players. And two, the players themselves are encouraged to underreport injuries and play through them because stats are incentivized. James Woods unethical doctor argues with Modine’s idealistic one because an MRI the latter called for a player to have costs the team $20k. But the player in question, Lawrence Taylor, plays anyway because his contract is stat incentivized and if he makes on more tackle he gets a million dollars. Incentivizing stats leads to players playing hurt. And although I loathe this term, a lazy go-to for film critics, Stone really does give an unflinching account of how this shit happens and why. When Williams is inevitably hurt and lying prone on the field, he woozily warns the paramedics who are placing him on a stretcher to “be careful…I’m worth a million dollars.” It’s tragic, yet you’re happy for him. The film really makes you care about these guys.  Thanks to the smartly written script, the viewer knows that Williams has four kids, and you’re pleased he made his bonus because, in all likelihood, after he retires, his injuries will prevent him from any kind of gainful employment (naturally, they give the TV analyst jobs to retired white players, unless Williams can somehow land the coveted token Black guy gig). Stone is not above fan service, a populist at heart, and he stuffs the film with former and then-current NFL players, a miraculous stunt given the fact that the NFL revoked their cooperation. Personally, I think this was a good thing because it meant Stone didn’t have to compromise (the league wanted editorial say on all issues pertaining to the league…meaning they would have cut the best storyline, which is the playing hurt one). It also meant that they had to rename the team and the league. While I’m sure this took away from the realism for some fans, I’m cool with it. It also allowed the moviemakers to name the team the Sharks, a perfect name for this roving band of predatory capitalist sports executives. In another example of fan service, the call-girl Pacino’s quintessential lonely workaholic character rents a girlfriend experience from is none other than Elizabeth Berkley of Showgirls, who had been unfairly blacklisted after the titular Verhoven/Esterhaz venture, a movie my wife showed me one day while I was dopesick, which I became so transfixed and mesmerized by that I forgot I was. As mentioned above, the only misstep in the film is one of the offshoots of the Playing Hurt arc, where a player loses an eye on the field. Not because he gets poked, but because he gets hit so hard his eye simply falls out. A medic runs onto the field and puts the white globe on ice. Stone cast a player with a glass eye in order to achieve this effect. No CGI! Still, the scene is unconvincing, a tad too over-the-top. But this is Oliver Stone. At least Any Given Sunday’s sole over-the-top moment is a throwaway scene lasting all of thirty seconds. It easily could have been a secondary plot-line in which government officials try to sneak a Cuban football prodigy out of Castro’s communist stronghold but the player is brutally murdered the morning the officials arrive at his apartment to escort him to the private plane. Or else the team GM is revealed to be a massive international cocaine dealer. Or the tight end is one half of a serial killer couple. The film follows its own advice, focusing more on the players growth, particularly Beamon’s (Foxx). The anonymity of the title, Any Given Sunday, elevates the game, not the players. Thank God, the movie doesn’t force Beamon to assimilate into Pacino’s mold. He buys into the team-first philosophy without renouncing his idiosyncratic POV or his fierce individuality. This is a triumph. One of my biggest problems with sports is the flattening effect it can have on creative individuals. Players take media training in order to sound as alike as possible during media interviews, a long row of stoic giants spouting cliches. It’s boring. Which is why media latch onto a loudmouth, even while they scold him for it. All sports are dying for an intelligent mouthpiece who can explain his motivations in a succinct, sound-bite-friendly, manner. Sports are entertainment. As much as I love Sidney Crosby, in my heart I have to go with Alexander Ovechkin because Ovechkin is far more thrilling, both on and off the ice. Unlike almost every other NHL star before him, all of whom were forced to kneel and kiss Don Cherry’s Rock Em Sock Em ring, Ovechkin defiantly told the media he simply did not care about Cherry or Cherry’s disgusting parental reaction to one of Ovie’s more creative goal celebrations (called a “celly” in the biz). On the play in question, Ovechkin scored the goal, then dropped his stick and mimed warming his hands over it, as if his stick were on fire. As cheesy as the celebration appeared to the naked eye, it’s both a funny and accurate notion. Ovechkin was the hottest scorer in the league for many years and his stick was on fire, metaphorically speaking. The only celly I can think of that matches up in terms of creativity and entertainment value came from Teemu Selanne in 1993, who scored a beauty of a goal, threw one of his gloves straight up into the air, then pumped his stick like a shotgun while “shooting” his glove. Of course, Cherry took exception to it. Cherry’s favourite goal celebration features Bobby Orr putting his head down and refraining from raising his hands over his head. Cherry’s idea of an appropriate goal celly is no celly at all. This from a man who claims “we’ve got to sell our game.” But when an arrogant player shows up and he’s not white, he’s in for a shitload of bad press. Foxx’s Beamon illustrates this beautifully when he yells at Pacino after Pacino cuts him for an older QB who has lost four games this season. “Don’t play that racism card with me,” Pacino warns. “Okay…okay…” Foxx nods, “Maybe it’s not racism. Maybe it’s ‘placism’…as in…a brother got to know his place.”

Here is the original theatrical trailer, featuring Garbage’s classic “Push It.”

Above Lawrence Taylor begs Matthew Modine for Cortazone.  There’s also a great scene where Pacino is trying to figure out where he has gone wrong and Diaz just looks at him. “You got old,” she says simply. No enterprise is more cruel to an aging human being than sports. And this movie makes football a big giant corporate machine that chews players up and spits them out, injured and drug addicted, after four or five years. Those who play for a decade are lucky. This is still how the NFL works. And the NHL is increasingly becoming a young man’s game. Experience matters less and less.

When I started watching hockey in the 90s, players regularly competed into their late 30s. Not so anymore. Players peak at 23-24 now, and are often out of the league by age 35. Thornton and Chelois are exceptions, not the rule. After more than two hours, Any Given Sunday finally lurches across the finish line, bravely refusing to give its viewers a traditional happy ending, in the great tradition of underdog sports films like Rocky and Rudy. The bombshell dropped by Pacino’s character at the end feels less surprising than inevitable, but by now the movie has explored so much of professional sports' seedy underbelly that you're glad it's over. The film is great but exhausting. Stone seems to be advancing the notion that the sport itself is pure, but the people in it are corrupt. If money weren’t involved, the game would be played for its own sake.

I agree with this. People playing pond hockey are engaging in wholesome fun, not necessarily practicing to make a professional league. Commerce corrupts the purity of the game, and the extent to which it corrupts is directly proportional to how badly the individual in question needs the commerce. Of course, the sport is highly racialized, with people in positions of authority white, and those being told what to do with their bodies Black.

Any Given Sunday is an important film, but it never sacrifices entertainment for the sake of moralizing. That it pulls off such a strong moralistic stance is a testament to the actors, who are all incredible, and the material, which is among the strongest of Stone’s career.

He never really made a great movie after this one. So check it out sometime.

#betterdaysareatoenailaway #anygivensunday #al pacino #jamie foxx #dennis quaid #james woods #matthew modine #jim brown #lawrence taylor #cameron diaz #ll cool j

[deanirae]

Can you get it inside your head I’m tired of dancing?  

post 8.07 pre 8.08] crack/angst past turned unrequited deancas, implied deanbenny 2,4k [x]

The sun, also currently known as bitch, has got some serious nerve to sit where it always does, not upside down and nine miles to the left as it frankly should on this memorable fuckhat day. Where is the End of Days when it's really called for? When it should be really nigh?

Dean flips the front mirror panel down not to have to deal with at least that one disappointment. He can still see Cas's half-constipated, half-abandoned and kicked in its fluffy ass puppy face in the mercilessly annoying reflection. The obvious choice would be to not grace it with anything right now, but A – he's the one driving so his eyes can't wander off pretty far, especially in the barely sunlit grayness – and B – on his left, Sam is currently roleplaying a twelve year old girl that has her big emotional introspection accompanied by listening to Sarah McLahlan because her mean parents wouldn't let her buy ebola from the internet. Or something.

Point is, he's three hours into ostentatiously moping, trying to quietly terrorize Dean into making peace with Cas on the fly so it won't be awkward and problematique for him anymore. To Sam, Dean is just too inconvenient anytime he's inconvenient. And that, by order of nature herself, demands immediate and final stopping and ballot recounting also.

And Dean's point is, that it's not gonna happen anytime soon.

And Cas's point – assuming he’s still remotely capable of making those –  seems to be dead-set on that 50:50 face thing. And Dean regrets briefly glancing; with more or less the same intensity he regrets his whole life on the crap weather days his bones hurt harder than it should be legal.

Sam, in his hemhorroidal disturbance, reaches out to the tape deck and attempts to put anything on, but Dean feels like exactly zero of his tapes right now, so he swats Sam's hand off with a loud smack. Judging from the faces he gets for that, it's gotta be resonating in their heads a lot.

It's gonna be a long ride to Lousiana, way longer and more exhausting than the freshly puked from Purgatory one. In fact, the closer they get to Lafayette, the more tired he is and they won't start working the vetalas case until tomorrow night because apparently hanging around clubs on fridays is the new hanging downside of trees or whatever cool thing it was vetalas were doing before the rise of the all you can eat buffet of horny dicks certain they're gonna get reverse cowgirls for a two dollar drink. Or reverse cowboys. Fucking cheapskates. Some of them do have it coming. But in severe STDs, not in this.

In itself, waiting for the actual hunt really doesn't need to be a problem. It's just that Sam and Cas are fucked-bent on having it be one because—

“I said I'm going to stay with you and join you on hunts,” Cas finally snaps. „There's no need for this 'backup' as you call it, Dean.”

—Because that.

“Don't air quote it, man,” Dean mutters wearily, because of course Cas air quoted it.

“And there is absolutely no need for you to sleep in a vampire's camping truck when we have plenty of motels to pick from,” Cas rants on, zero deterred and plus ten determined, clearly not tuning into Dean's I don't wanna discuss that vibe.

Annnd because that too, yeah.

“Well I donno, I sure didn't want us to look like some sort of a hookup site for salvation army fashionistas threesome. You'll thank me later. Or you can do it now and shut up when you're done, how's that.”

“A vampire,” Sam interrupts his polished bitchface just to whine it out, which has to be peak brotherly care by his modern standards.

“You two asshats had no problem leaving me in vamp-vegas for a goddamn year,” Dean growls. “I am an adult adult and I need some me-time that isn't you time. And I'm gonna have awesome time while I'm at it. Sue me if that's a crime. Bother my lawyer.”

“You don’t have a lawyer”, says Sam.

“Aren’t you kind of a lawyer?” Dean remembers suddenly. “Or at least close enough for you two to bother each other and not me?”

“No, didn’t get to get there yet, thanks to you,” Sam mutters, also suddenly remembering the past life of his that was never meant to be.

“Oh, I’m sorry”, Dean whines. “Did I set your girlfriend on fire?”

“Fuck off.”

“I thought you missed me,” as if triggered by the word fuck, Cas drops the bomb with an evenness in his voice which hints at many things but Dean's brain is too stop-record screech to dissect them right now.

“What?” he blurts out, confused and affronted both.

“I thought you missed me,” Cas repeats, lower and harder like Dean's a stupid cat that won't spit out what it's chewing.

“Cas, I really don't wanna do this.”

“You kept praying to me to come back, Dean. After you were out of Purgatory. I heard you. Those were quite some prayers. Now you're putting yourself in real danger just to stay away from me. I don’t understand.”

Sam just stares at Dean, the always most helpful thing on the planet that he is. Thanks, Sam. Dean stares at the road. Cas stares daggers through the back of Dean's head. Poor Baby can't just leave this situation so she just keeps on rollin’. Nobody wins that day.

“That was before you told me you were lying your ass off just to kick me out last minute. Your subscription for my prayers and personal Jesus license have now expired, by the way. Like, the fuck does talking to you even do?”

“Fine!” Castiel snaps, so close to throwing his hands in the air for a grand effect but luckily thinking better of it since he's in a car that has a roof among other things. “I understand that you're angry—” he tries to start over, calmer, after a self-collecting breath.

“No, you don't,” Dean mutters.

“But you can't risk your life in the stupidest available way just to get back at me, Dean. Not after everything I've done to make sure you come back safe.”

Well at least he didn't include Sam in that „saving” part.

“You were there, man. You know Benny never double crossed me or you. What the exact fuck is your problem with him?”

A very angry squint-frown precedes the actual answer.

“You were his ticket to Earth. Now your life doesn't hold the same value.”

“Thanks, Cas. That's really swee—”

“You know that's not what I meant, Dean,” Cas growls in a tone that's clearly a final warning.

So final even Sam and his high horse must have heard since he steps in to defuse Cas.

“Cas, I'm not a fan of saying it, but Benny isn't a threat to Dean. I think the guy is kinda trying to settle,” he offers.

Dean smiles a little bit.

“See, Cas?”

“But I'm worried he might have more vamps trying to take him down because he pissed off every fang that ever knew him and then some. This is actual danger, Dean.”

“What?!” Castiel explodes in unbridled rage.

“Sam, have you ever wondered where do snitches go after they die?”

“Dean, you know I'm serious.”

“Ditches,” Dean concludes.

“When exactly were you going to tell me this?” Castiel asks coldly. “After you get killed by vampire avengers?”

“They're all taken care of, Cas. No mean jokes this time. Relax.”

“With your Winchester luck? I doubt it.”

“Oh, come on. It's not like you wouldn't bring me back even if something did happen.”

“Yes, even twice because first I would have personally destroyed you for being so reckless.”

“I know you would.”

“Guys,” Sam tries to placate, “we should all calm down and rethink how to handle it safely. It's not a good time for some jilted lovers tiff”, he begs.

Dean frowns then makes mocking faces at him to communicate that he's being a fucking douche.

“You're a fucking jilted lovers tiff,” he decides.

“We had sex, Dean,” Castiel states accusatorily.

Little does he know, he just broke Sam beyond repair. Now that the cat is out of the bag, the only thing Dean can do is to straighten some things out.

“Once,” he says, raising a finger to accentuate his point. “Cas was sure we were gonna die in the morning. We didn't, but there never was a follow up on that, so,” Dean shrugs.

“You weren't interested.”

“Says you,” Dean huffs. “I’m sorry, do you know me? Being interested in sex is in my top five pasttimes. You behaved like a brick on the other hand and I don’t know how to read concrete.”

“I don’t want to be here, good fucking God,” Sam finally yelps after a successful reboot of his brain.

Dean’s pretty sure nobody wants to be in this car right now and the only goddamn thing that could potentially make him ‘special’ right now is the fact currently Sam’s probably the only person in the Impala who has not lain his mouth on Cas’s dick. Hopefully.

Funnily enough, Cas could easily poof out without lethal injuries, but he’s dead set on staying, judging from the frown on his face that looks like a stock market crash diagram.

“I didn’t exactly see you giving me any signs.”

And set on having this conversation.

“I’m not a cat, I don’t go into heats, Cas. Can we talk about it somewhere more private? Later? Cuz everybody here wants to fucking die right now.”

“Private?” Cas asks. “If you want privacy to talk then why do you refuse to book a room with me?”

“We don’t need to share a room to have a conversation. Unless what you want it to end with is getting back on track with that last night on Earth thing we had that one time.”

“Jesus Christ,” Sam cries.

“Grow up and stow your crap, Sam,” Cas says unexpectedly before Dean could even bother to serve anything in a similar note.

Dean is so thrown off his equilibrium by that he puts the car to an abrupt halt. Only because he’s too deeply wired to not crash the Impala into the first available so he won’t accidentally kill Sam.

That is, if Cas’s words haven’t obliterated him already. He glances at him, just in case. Speechless as holily commanded by the celestial – potentially horny – wrath from the back seat, but at least he’s still breathing.

“Um,” he says, because someone’s gotta, because he’s still the big brother in this demented equation. “Cas, what the fuck was that?”

“Should you, of all people, really need me to be this blunt – now that the worst affairs have been settled, we could pick up where we left off, and hopefully reach a mutual understanding regarding the nature of our relationship so that doubt no longer hinders you. If it’s still something that interests you, of course. Would that be clear and direct enough, Dean?”

Well, that was… long? Long enough citations are probably needed, but, uh, yeah. S’ gotta be addressed immediately or else.

“Cas, that was 2010 and we have 2012 now.”

“It was 2012 when you prayed to me in Purgatory and it was 2012 four days ago. Granted, your feelings towards me might be very complicated, but I still can sense and read your longing,” Cas says with a weary sigh.

“Stop smelling my longing,” Dean responds with a wearier one. “And I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“But I should explain myself to you.”

“I’m real fed up with your explanations, you know that? And we don’t got time for that, either. We need to get to Lafayette because we got a case waiting to get solved.”

“It’s because he’s waiting there for you, isn’t it,” Cas says sadly; not a question. A statement.

Dean doesn’t need to respond. Doesn’t feel like it, too.

Yeah. It’s good to actually have someone waiting for you; someone there.

Maybe it’s not that complicated, after all. Maybe it doesn’t have to be.

Dean starts the car. He’s got a place to go to.

The sound apparently wakes Sam from his stupor. His bright idea of the day, he turns the radio on before the awkward silence can make the universe inside of the Impala collapse on itself and on all three of them. Too late for Dean to react now; might as well get a load of the weather report.

In the back seat, Cas flicks his wrist subtly and the monotone voice sharply cuts off into static for a moment and the frequency bar moves elsewhere on its’ – or rather, Cas’s – own.  Some solitary synthesiser-made sounds drop one after another like tiny steps and Dean realizes he definitely has heard this song before at some point in his life as eighties one hit wonders ain’t no strangers to him. Oh well. Might as well not get any of the wea—

Looking from a window above, it’s like a story of love… Can you hear me?

Is he fucking kidding?!

Came back only yesterday, I’m moving farther away.... Want you near me…

“Are you fucking kidding?” Dean cries out, incredulous.

Tries to turn the radio off but it just won’t die.

All I needed was the love you gave— “You want melodramatic? I’ll give you melodramatic.” —All I needed for another day — Dean reaches out for his phone and starts typing angrily — and all I ever knew, only you.

He puts on good ol’ Fish and hopes it’s gonna be louder than Cas��s synth-pop loving. And starts driving towards where he wants to be cause he’s tired of dancing.

#dean winchester #dean deserves better #destielfanfictionnetwork #destiel #deancas #destiel fanfic #unrequited destiel #one sided deancas #castiel #supernatural #crack fic #crack angst #8.07 #a little slice of kevin #morillon #yazoo #songfic #deanbenny #deanny #benny lafitte #i have briefly respawned after two years #to punch deancas in the tit #this fic is entirely written for #deansrightfulangerissue

[rontufox]

Silver & Blaze Origins Theory

NOTE: This is just for fun and isn’t proven by canon material. EDIT 4/26/2020: Added a read more & better Silver evidence.

A lotta things bother me about these two. Based on the canon info we have (outlined in this in-depth post), we know they both originate from the distant future. When Blaze seals Iblis inside herself, she leaves the distant future and fades into the Sol Dimension. In turn, she becomes princess of the Sol Dimension, which later involves her in the events of Sonic Rush. Neither Blaze nor Silver remember one another because the Sonic 06 timeline resets. However, they do meet anew in the new timeline.

Time reset paradoxes aside... I have questions. 

How did Blaze seal Iblis inside herself?

How did Blaze seal herself into another dimension?

How did Blaze arrive in the Sol Dimension’s present rather than its future?

How did Blaze become princess of the Sol Dimension by dropping into it? 

How does Blaze have an affinity with the Sol Emeralds when she’s not from their dimension? (enough to turn into Burning Blaze)

Before anyone points it out, yes, I’m aware several of these can be answered with “bad writing.” But I want to have fun with lore and logic.

I’ve created a theory that satisfies all these questions. I acknowledge that one of the questions has a canonical answer, but the rest are based on assumptions made by the player. For fun’s sake, let’s question those assumptions. Then at the end I’ll present my theory.

1) How did Blaze seal Iblis inside herself?

Because her soul is alit with flames. That is, if you believe the answer from Sonic 06. 

Let’s establish the rules the game lays out for sealing Iblis. First, Iblis can be sealed inside members of the Soleanna royal family.

Eternal Sun! The Living Flame that has been entrusted to the royal family! Fall into slumber with a royal soul!

- Duke of Soleanna

Second, Iblis cannot be sealed inside Silver. 

We can rule out that Silver used the wrong incantation, wrong number of Chaos Emeralds, or that he must have special training or bloodline, because the third thing we learn is Iblis CAN be sealed inside Blaze. And she used the same method he did. The only difference is her soul.

Don’t worry. My soul is already alit with flames. I will be accepted.

- Blaze the Cat

To me, this explanation seems a little too convenient. An exception to the royal soul rule exists? And it’s a soul alit with flames? Which in of itself is a rarity considering no other character consistently wields fire powers, much less has these powers associated with their SOUL. And Blaze just happens to exist in Silver’s timeline AND is close enough to him to be involved in the events of Sonic 06 and have the opportunity to perform the seal? 

Convenient as it is, it’s still an explanation. I could accept this answer... Or, I could point out a much more interesting factor to consider. Blaze just happens to have a royal affiliation... more on that later.

2) How did Blaze seal herself into another dimension?

This takes place in-game, yet there’s no explanation. Add in the fact that it’s apparently something Silver can do too, and it makes even less sense.

Come on, make it quick. Use your Chaos Control... to stop time. Then... seal us into a different dimension.

- Blaze the Cat

Considering Silver learned to use Chaos Control, it’s plausible he could’ve stopped time like Blaze asked. But how exactly was he supposed to seal her into a different dimension? There’s two possibilities: 1) Chaos Control, or 2) It’s an innate ability.

Innate ability is absurd. It’d make Silver way overpowered and begs the question why he never helped everyone escape from Iblis to a different dimension before this. But Chaos Control isn’t much better. Sonic, Shadow, and Silver all use Chaos Control to open time portals throughout Sonic 06. But not dimensional portals. On top of that, 2 people and 2 Chaos Emeralds are required to open these portals. 

What amazes me is when Silver prepares to do as Blaze told him, he’s not even holding any Chaos Emeralds. How does he expect to do it with a flick of his arm?

In the end, it doesn’t matter, because Blaze herself is the one who does it. But establishing how unlikely it is for Silver makes it even less likely for Blaze. She never learned Chaos Control. And, seeing as only hedgehogs are known to wield this ability, it’s doubtful she can.

So... how did she do it? Maybe it’s some combined effect of Iblis, the Chaos Emeralds, and her soul, but... that’s a lame explanation. 

There’s one more possibility if we watch the cutscene closely.

The Sol Emeralds.

It can be debated that she’s turning into Burning Blaze here. It lasts maybe 2 seconds. You can watch and decide for yourself here.

Burning Blaze brings the Sol Emeralds into the equation. And for me, they’re the best explanation for how Blaze transported to a different dimension. After all, they were a contributing factor in her transporting to Sonic’s dimension in Sonic Rush. Another thing of note is almost immediately after turning into Burning Blaze, she starts to fade away, suggesting that activating the form triggered her fade into another dimension.

There’s a problem though. Up to this point, Blaze has had no association with the Sol Dimension or its emeralds. So how can the Sol Emeralds be here? 

Maybe you can argue she gained access to the Sol Emeralds by beginning to fade into the Sol Dimension itself. But how did she start fading into the Sol Dimension without first accessing the Sol Emeralds? A lotta people allow time and dimensional stuff to be a little paradox-y, but I don’t wanna be so lax.  

This leads me to believe: Blaze has always had an association with the Sol Emeralds. How? More on that later. 

3) How did Blaze arrive in the Sol Dimension’s present rather than its future?

Or, to ask it another way, if Blaze entered the Sol Dimension from the future, why does she end up in the present when she crosses back over in Sonic Rush and other games? Shouldn’t she end up in the future with Silver?

Frankly, if a series lets characters jump dimensions and timelines, it’s not that far-fetched to let them jump both in one go (see: Eggman Nega). But to give a less magical answer, the reason could be Iblis. The Duke was conducting experiments on Solaris in an effort to manipulate time. If Iblis is associated with time too, it could’ve taken Blaze to a different time in the Sol Dimension.

This question doesn’t add or detract from my theory, so I won’t include it in the last section. I included it here cuz it’s a good question I’ve seen asked.

4) How did Blaze become princess of the Sol Dimension by dropping into it?

Now here’s a big one. 

Surely the Sol Dimension existed before Blaze entered it, as evidenced by its long history and heritage. And part of this heritage states the role of guarding the Sol Emeralds is passed down the princesses of the royal family. How can Blaze just drop in and become the princess when she hasn’t had any association with the Sol Dimension up to this point?

I see 3 possibilities: 1) Blaze transporting to the Sol Dimension caused the dimension itself to change and... conveniently make her the most important person in the dimension, 2) Some circumstance convinced the royal family to change their tradition and appoint Blaze, or 3) Blaze was always a princess in the Sol Dimension.

Now, earlier I said that I think Blaze has always been associated with the Sol Emeralds. I also think she’s always been a princess in the Sol Dimension. But, how, if she originated from the future? Hm... maybe it’s because she didn’t...

5) How does Blaze have an affinity with the Sol Emeralds when she’s not from their dimension?

I’m won’t bother presenting other possibilities with this one. The only option I can accept is Blaze was always from the Sol Dimension. Always a guardian of the Sol Emeralds. 

So let’s get to the theory!

Theory: Silver and Blaze are from the past.

Oh yes. It’s conspiracy theory time

I don’t think Silver and Blaze are from the future. They were definitely there in Sonic 06, and Silver continues to reside there. But I don’t think that’s the time they originated from. I think they came from the distant past. Silver, from Sonic’s dimension’s past, and Blaze from the Sol Dimension’s past. And I think they knew each other there.

Blaze being from the Sol Dimension’s past makes the questions disappear.

1) How did Blaze seal Iblis inside herself?

She has a royal soul.

2) How did Blaze seal herself into another dimension?

She turned into Burning Blaze and the Sol Emeralds returned her to the dimension she belongs to. 

4) How did Blaze become princess of the Sol Dimension by dropping into it?

She was already its princess in the distant past. When she returns, she’s recognized as such and re-appointed to her role.

5) How does Blaze have an affinity with the Sol Emeralds when she’s not from their dimension?

She IS from their dimension!

So here’s the basic narrative: 

Long ago, in the distant past, Blaze was princess of the Sol Dimension. An unknown event displaced her and Silver to the distant future of Sonic’s dimension. They both lost their memories. Later, Blaze returned to the Sol Dimension’s present after sealing Iblis inside herself. Her memories were again lost. But the people of the Sol Dimension recognized her. Amazement spread across the land at the return of the lost princess of old. The royal family helped her regain her memories, or re-taught her who she was. She was then re-appointed to her role and continued life in her rightful dimension.

So what about Silver? What information supports Silver being from the past? 

Truthfully, not much. At least not compared to Blaze. But I have a few broad points to support it. To explore them, we’ll need to go to the past.

The Past

What do we know about the past? 

We know that technology was more advanced. Understanding of magic (emeralds, etc) was more advanced. The civilizations that wielded them flourished, but now, no longer exist. Doom was brought upon them after they misused their technology.

This narrative has been consistent in the games from the 90s to present day (seriously, check out the translated Japanese Genesis era manuals). Despite that, we rarely see this past for ourselves. Even time periods fans consider “the past,” such as the flashbacks in Sonic Adventure, don’t depict this technologically advanced time. 

The only glimpses we have are rare ancient ruins that haven’t completely succumbed to nature yet--locations like Sky Sanctuary. 

Sky Sanctuary’s more technological side is best seen inside the ruins. Revealed there are lots of glowing, geometric, cyan lights. 

Now, where have we seen that before?

Usually, Silver’s futuristic design is attributed to him being, well, from the future. But what makes things “look” futuristic? Appearing more technologically advanced than the present. Now, is there anything about the future in Sonic 06 that screams “technologically advanced”? Everything is in ruins. It’s an apocalyptic world. 

Which time seems more advanced than Sonic’s present? The past, or the future? Which time does Silver’s design most belong to?

Being from the past also better explains Silver’s powers. Technology and magic were better understood back then. If people can wield powers in Sonic’s world, the past is the time period it would be most common. And isn’t it unique how Silver and Blaze are the only two characters who consistently wield powers without the aid of technology or magical gemstones/items?

If you want a more direct comparison of Sky Sanctuary’s technological motifs next to Silver, here’s something I whipped up:

That’s all the support I have for Silver being from the past. Him originating from the past isn’t required for this theory to work, I just prefer it cuz it dovetails nicely into the whole theme SEGA has going for them. And into the next thing I’m gonna talk about.

I like to imagine that Blaze and Silver knew each other when they lived in the distant past. But how, if they’re from two different dimensions?

Dimensions

Let’s talk about dimensions. Sonic’s world has several. Sonic’s dimension, the Sol Dimension, Maginaryworld, maybe the storybook games? And there’s probably others I’m forgetting. 

I’d argue the Babylonians are from their own dimension too. If you don’t already know, Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity reveals that the Babylonians were aliens that got marooned on Sonic’s planet in the distant past. But if dimensions are a thing in the Sonic world, what’s more likely? That the Babylonians were considered aliens because they’re from outer space, or because they were from a different dimension? 

Knowing the Sonic world has these dimensions, and that people of the past were much more advanced... What if they realized there were other dimensions? What if they began communicating with each other? Formed relationships and alliances?

A world where it’s commonplace to communicate with those outside your own dimension. This is a world where Silver and Blaze could know each other.

The only evidence I have to support this is the guardian structure. The first three dimensions I listed (Sonic’s world, the Sol Dimension, and Maginaryworld) all have their own guardian structure that started in ancient times and remain preserved to this day. What if the rulers of the past agreed to form this guardian structure to protect the magical items of the worlds, and to also preserve the autonomy of their individual dimensions?

Final premise

I’ll conclude this with a premise that resulted from my imagination running wild with this. If you like this theory, feel free to explore your own ideas! _____________

It’s the distant past. Thousands of years before Sonic’s time. 

There are many dimensions. And within them, civilizations. Some more are advanced than others. Those with the technology to detect their neighboring dimensions have formed loose alliances with one another. This encourages cooperation between dimensions and is especially helpful when threats appear within or between dimensions.

In this era, there lives a princess named Blaze the Cat. She’s an inhabitant of the Sol Dimension, and Guardian of the Sol Emeralds. Her high position naturally involves her in interdimensional affairs.

Blaze is called to help investigate a problem shared between her dimension and the dimension famous for its Chaos Emeralds. While there, she meets a hedgehog named Silver (or already knew him beforehand). The further she progresses her investigation, the more serious the problem proves to be.

This is nothing we’ve seen before. Our worlds are in danger!

- A line I could imagine Blaze telling Silver

Perhaps it’s the first manifestations of the doom that will later be brought upon their worlds. Or maybe it’s one of the series’ godlike beings--Solaris, Time Eater, Dark Gaia, etc. Or maybe someone, or something, is meddling with powers they shouldn’t.

Eventually, Blaze and Silver face a final culmination of this problem. An event that either sucks them into time and space, or presents such danger to their lives that the Sol Emeralds pull them into time and space to protect them. Either way, they are ripped from their current time and thrown far, far into the future. 

And they are never heard from again.

#sonic the hedgehog #blaze the cat #silver the hedgehog #long post #I hope you find this interesting!

[pedantichoe]

Rhythm of War spoilers under the cut

...

Perfect I’m glad that actually worked :)

1. WHAT THE NUTS?!2?:??:?:? I’VE LOST MY GOSHDANG MARBLES NOT TO MENTION SEVERAL PIECES OF MY SOUL AND ALL MY SANITY (clearly since I already said marbles r gone) HEAD IS EMPTY FELLAS

I’m honesty just still at a loss for words. The implications every major investiture-related reveal has are enormous. The light. The harmonies. The spren experiments??? Ishar what the eff word are you doing dude!??!???

I was under the delusion that there was going to be a mega battle between Moash and Kaladin at the end of the book that was gonna be Uber painful but then have that allow Kaladin to swear the fourth ideal (in my head it was smth like Dalinar v Odium in Oathbringer but I am aware that would be way too clean a parallel and branderson just doesn’t work like that). INSTEAD we got an altercation that caused me to BAWL MY EYES OUT FOR FOURTY-FIVE MINUTES

Some lead-up. Somewhere around the time Moash got the spren-killing dagger I could just feel an awful build-up of tension and anxiety. I may not be able to hear the rhythms of Roshar but let me tell you if I could..... I would be attuned to terrors m8. So anyways I knew shit was gonna go DOWN but I didn’t know exactly what. Then Moash got the knife and my brain was just like “if he kills Sylphrena....” but I was just like HHHHH GOTTA KEEP READING

I’ll need to go downstairs and actually grab my book at some point to make sure I have the timeline right but there was a point where I had to set the book down and do some breathing exercises and walk around a little. And then Oho boy. When Teft walked in and saw Moash I just... I lost it a little. And then what actually happened????? My dogs woke me up at 5 AM and as I’m struggling out of some weird cosmere-related dream I remember whag Moash did and I’m just sitting there in the dark dogs whining to go out -crying- because how could he do that how could he how could he

And I know at the start of the book when Godeke or whatever edgedancer came to get Kal out of the manor fire was standing in the doorway and Moash had some kind of.... bit of his soul? Smth??? Show a version of who he /could/ be (wait that wasn’t Renarin was it cuz that would make sense...... hmmmmmmmm). That COULD mean he will have some opportunity at redemption which. If there is ANYBODY I trust to do it well and with feeling, it’s Brandon, but also a huge part of me does NOT. WANT. HIM. REDEEMED. I want him crushed and broken in every way with the full weight of what he did bearing down upon him but also hhhhhhh I’m sure we will get smth much cooler than anything I could think up ANYWAY

Why are the splits between paragraphs getting so big tumblr what is wrong with you

See this one is normal

Okay ANYWAYS

Kaladin. Bitch this man is a LOT. he’s just. I think the thing I appreciate most about these books is that the heroes aren’t perfect. They’re often damaged. Feel broken. And IN that they expand upon their ideals and ultimately make the first one just such an inspiring message. Life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination.

So Kaladin. He is just uhhhh amazing??? What I think truly encapsulates what I love about him is when it’s just he and Syl and the stonecast statue of Teft. The sadness is still there and I know it hurts him so much. But the guilt? The ability to grow in your losses and find yourself stronger and more human and more understanding because of it??? Ultimately THAT is where Moash and Odium are wrong. Kaladin and Dalinar have found and CONTINUE to find how to grow in their pain. How to not just deal with, but ACCEPT and OWN their pain and sorrow. They are finding the peace that Odium would have brought through numbness and loss. I don’t really know how to phrase this exactly how I would like. But I’m proud of this message. Im glad for this message.

When Wit helps Kaladin into that warm bubble and tells him he will be warm again, that just hit. The message in these books is about oaths and ideals and promises. It’s about growing into something so much more than you ever could have dreamed, and NOT by giving up your pain or your guilt or your loss or your anger to someone who would leave you a shell as a byproduct. When Teft died he died full of hope. He knew he was forgiven. He didn’t lose to Moash, to Odium, to the moss or to anyone or anything else. He lived and died with Honor. And in doing so proved that the power to change existed within him. It just needed support. Like a small flame. You can’t leave it open to the winds, or it will extinguish, but it DOES need air. It does need to be stoked to grow. Teft did it. So can you.

I went on both Instagram and Snapchat to try and talk about how deeply connected I feel to these books and the messages and characters in them. I wasn’t nearly as eloquent as I would have liked. But at the end of the day I am so grateful for how I’ve been able to grow and change and be shaped by my trials and experiences. I didn’t spend this year in as dark of a place as Kaladin, but I did feel trapped and stuck. I felt like a failure. I felt weak and angry and like there was no way to get to where I had been. Like I couldn’t remember the words.

And not just this book, but so many things in my life have helped me to see that I am valid and I am growing and I will stumble and make mistakes but through it all, the oaths that I have made, and the ideals that I keep are what make me me, and will continue to temper my soul and my spirit as I go along this journey.

I don’t need everyone to love these books as much as I do. Or feel as strongly about the messages or be as affected by the characters, the plot, and the INSANELY good writing. But I hope everyone has, finds, and clings to what makes them warm. What brings them light. We all make mistakes. We all will continue to mess up. We need to be corrected and shaped and we need to grow and change. But I for one am sick of hating people on principle. I’m sick of the feeling in my stomach like the world is falling to shit and that nothing I do or say will ultimately have any positive effect. I’m sick of living in a shade-darker world where I hate everything and feel like I should hate everything. I’m sick of being angry.

As a related side note. As we get to know more about the shards I hope someone makes a “which shard of Adonalsium are you!” Quiz because that would be very interesting. As is?? This year I have been Odium. I am passionate. But I am angry. I am so so angry. And I don’t -want- to be so angry anymore. I want to have hope. I want to follow light. I want to CHOOSE life and strength and journey and I want to sacrifice what I need to to get there. Kaladin’s fourth ideal is recognizing he can’t save everyone. I want to follow the ideal that those out there deserving of love and compassion outweigh my need to feel angry and unjust at those that destroy those things. I’ll work on phrasing as I go. I’m not quite ready to swear it, but the words are coming. I can feel them.

What Maya did was reveal that in the darkest of times for Radiants and their bonds, there was a choice that was made. And -no one,- spren, god, or otherwise, can take away the fact that it was THEIR choice. It is my choice whom I serve. It is my choice what I sacrifice and what I hold on to. And I will not let the voices of those telling me I have to hate everything and everyone take charge over me.

I hope everyone out there finds their ideals. And keeps to them. And knows that there is hope and light and life. That there is strength before weakness. And courage before cowardice. And a journey before their destination.

And that ultimately, the most important words a person can say are: “I will do better.” And the most important step they can take is the next one.

Life before death. Always. Life before death.

#the pedant rambles on and on about ideals for 95 years and no one is surprised #pedantics #rhythm of war #rhythm of war spoilers #the stormlight archive #stormlight archive #stormlight archive spoilers #stormlight spoilers #row spoilers #cosmere #cosmere spoilers #cfsbf #fuck moash #life before death

[solara-bean]

This is the very extensive and detailed rant of a fed up black, female student of class 2020

-You are free to scroll past this if you want. I really just needed to get this off my chest. But if you have advice or are experiencing a similar situation, feel free to message me-

So first off, I haven't liked going to school since I was 9. And highschool has only deepened my loathing of it. But maybe I don't hate school in general. Maybe I just hate the schools I've gone to ( 4 in total ). This rant is about highschool specifically. Perhaps what I'm about to type is normal and I'm overreacting. But I'm tired of not talking about my problems because I'm worried that I'll sound like an ungrateful brat. Typing/ writing about my issues makes me feel better. And I really need to feel better.

So here are the main points in order of severity: Low income, Advisory, Graphic Arts and Discipline/Work Ethic

Low Income:

I've only ever gone to low income schools in my neighborhood. I hoped high school would be different but thanks to the crappy education of my old school and an even crappier selective enrollment test score, I couldn't get into the schools I wanted. Then again my single mother probably couldn't afford those other schools anyway.

My highschool shares a building with another highschool. And unfortunately they called dibs on the best features and have control of the heating and ac. We don't even have our own gym. We also have the least amount of space with the smallest class being mine of 144 seniors. So there's a lot of packed classrooms.

Speaking of having way too many students, recourses are slim as a result. Our best equipment, chromebooks, need to be reserved weeks in advance by the teacher and even then they still may not be able to get enough of them for their class. Said chromebooks can often be missing keys, not work at all or be stolen easily because of their small size.

A few other issues are terrible lunches ( I've been bringing lunch from home since sophmore year), very limited field trips, mice infestation, very few clubs ( if we have any idk ) and teachers have to pay for just about everything class related.

Advisory:

Advisories were created to prepare us for greek life in college. I honestly think it's to keep everyone in check but ok. Even so I have absolutely 0 interest in anything frat or sorority related ( no offense to those who do ) as well as many of my classmates but advisory is mandatory.

My first 2 years of advisory were hell. Most of my advisory sisters were either people I'd never talk to because we weren't in the same class, had nothing in common or they were straight up terrible people. I should mention that freshman year has the worst students because about 30% don't make to the next grade or just transfer. Most of my advisory sisters I had problems with were in that 30% ( a few had already repeated ).

Since I kept to myself there were very few incidents were I was put into a tense situation with them. The main conflicts involved our advisor, who I guarantee you was not the problem. She was essentially a poor, white, optimistic, young math teacher from out of town that was thrown to the slaughter. And my cowardly self watched not wanting to be next.

She ended up leaving by junior year so what was left of my advisory merged with another and got a new advisor. The only downside is that our new advisor is a firm believer in " sisterhood " and no cliques ( even if you converse easier with a certain group of people and advisory is already a forced clique in itself ). Maybe I'd be more up for advisory events , which we rarely have , if my advisory experience wasn't sullied so early on.

Graphic Arts:

The reason I chose my school was because it had an art class. In seventh grade I knew I wanted to have a career in art and that my talent was lacking but had potential. So you can imagine my horror when I learned that the art teacher had left once I'd gotten there.

I was sad but stayed positive and even highly recommended them to get another art teacher. Then by sophomore we got an art after school program ( 4:25 to 6 twice a week ). I managed to keep my grades the same and take the classes every week for the entire school year. I only missed about 4 days total. For once I actually enjoyed staying after school.

The class taught me so much and I didn't have to wait for the summer to take an art class downtown. Even better I got to interact with other young artists of my race ( there was usually only one other black kid at the summer classes ). Everything was finally looking up.

Then the art galleries happened. The school hosted one per semester. I brought my art to display but I couldn't stay cuz of a shitload of math homework. I got complimented the next day but still regretted not staying. So I vowed to attend the next one with even more pieces than before.

The night finally came and I was hyped. Me and two seniors were in charge of doing caricatures for free ( one senior gave me a dollar tho ). I had fun with that but noticed something weird...none of our art was displayed.

Apparently they cut it out for time along with the theatre clubs performance. And I would've been fine with that. If my family hadn't come.

The icing on the cake was when they turned off the lights in the hallway where we were drawing the caricatures so they could start the show for the performing art groups. I couldn't contact my family until the show was over and booooiii were they pissed. Especially my mom. I was more sad than anything. I had a feeling my school valued the performing art more and this just proved that. At least now we have an actual art class. And my art teacher is awesome and supportive as hell.

Discipline/ Work Ethic:

These are together cuz they've equally fucked me up. Don't get me wrong. I have a 4.2 gpa and 0 detentions.

The problem is my classmates.

I have been to soooo many class/school meetings about behavior and grade issues over the past 4 years. One of which a staff member said " now i know all of ain't bs-in' but why aren't those people helping the ones who are."

Like wow! Thanks. I hate it.

I'd be happy to help my fellow classmates. It's just that their version of help is cheating off my tests and copying my homework.

So yeah my bad. I've been sooo selfish.

I can count on my hand the amount of times I've been told that I'm doing a good job directly and not in front of a class as a way to embarrass them.

This year behavior was so bad that they made a competition to see which advisory would get the least demerits. Big mistake. My heart goes out to all the poor well behaved students who lost because of a few advisory mates. It only takes one. The record for most demerits in a day was 30 I think.

I forgot the competition was going on at some point cuz I've only gotten 2 demerits in 4 years. My advisory won second and we played the waiting game for our prize only to have a pizza party with 17 other advisories. The winning advisory was salty as hell. But hey we got free lunch at least.

I managed to get good grades simply by doing everything on time and having no social life. This was by choice really. I promised myself I'd do better in college but now I gotta study for ap.

It was actually ap literature that gave me a new perspective on my classmates work ethic. We were given a lengthy reading assignment but the due date was stretched by two class days and the weekend. Even though I'd been mentally drained lately ( by lately I mean since the 1st week of school ) and had other work to do, I completed it with slightly less annotations.

Upon the due date I discovered that I and one other classmate completed the reading. Even the valedictorian didn't do it!!! And this wasn't a one time thing either.

In fact my class is notorious for never doing work on time. I'm talking completing-a-project-in-the-class before-the-it's -due- for bad. And some people I understand. Some of them really need help and resources. But every one else. Excuses excuses. The extended due dates gave me extra free time but it made the work I completed on time feel pointless. Like I could've just not done it and not face any consequences.

I tried that and was stressed out all day to the point of doing the work anyway. School's got me whipped I guess.

So if I hate highschool so much why do I go on time everyday, miss at most 3 days a year, do my work, behave myself and study??? Simple. I'm trying to get out. Having a good gpa and test scores will get me more scholarships cuz God knows my mom can't afford art college ( I got into my first choice so yeah:). Really highschool has just been a means to an end.

I've had my good days and have made some friends but I really just wanna run to hills with my diploma in hand. And thats what's kept me going. But now we're quarantined.

And my school has decided to make work optional.....and I have all A's......

Needless to say I've barely done any work at all. If we never have to go back theres a good chance I won't. I'm so numb at this point that I don't care that we may not have a prom ( aka the only dance I was ever going to go to ).

I'm just done. Done and fed up.

But thank you to my mom, family, bestie, teachers and my classmates that actually want to have a future for keeping me going. If I don't completely give up it's thanks to you. Future me, I hope you get everything you want at art school:)

#school #highschool #class of 2020 #2020 #senior year #rant #lomg rant #if anyone wants to share their shitty highschool experience feel free #i actually left a lot of stuff out #like the freshman year camping trip #and social media drama #and spanish class #ughh im getting flashbacks #if you read this thanks it means a lot😊💗💗💗

[dxxtruction]

eps2.5h4ndshake.sme

Mr Robot: Season 2 episode 7

Episode and character analysis 

This episode is about connecting but also about deceiving. 

—

Joanna

—

The episode starts with a flashback, constructed to not look like one at first (I think this mirrors the bigger reveal at the end up the episode “things aren’t as they appear”).

Joanna looks to have brought in a Sephora bag with her (idk what other places use that stripe design on bags) and a gift has been left on the counter which contain earrings, she can be seen wearing once we jump to the present (She keeps part of Tyrell around, the things he was able to provide her with. The gift giving between them is they’re like way of showing affection. This can’t happen in the same way between her and her new lover, but she’s also willing to commit to him (for now). She even gives him a gift for his birthday to show that.) (Birthdays come up like twice in this episode and I’m not sure why but it means they’re cancers.)

This whole scene is very WHITE, even Tyrell is wearing a bright suit, and everyone at the work party is as well wears white/light gray. White is fairly symbolic of the upper class for several historical reasons, it could also represent a purer time within their relationship. Yet another thought I had goes to the rule about Labor Day, the history of which stems from creating inner class divisions between old and new money. The “rules” which determine being an insider or not. Contextually I think this makes some sense, it could even be a Labor Day event (Joanna getting back from Labor Day shopping at Sephora?). At the party The Wellick’s and the Knowles’ talk with Price who mentions Tyrell’s climbing of positions towards CTO. Him (and Joanna) becoming more a part of the “exclusivity” being introduced through Price to others within his circle like Knowles. (It’s their sort of “handshake” if you will.)

Outside the flashback, present. An old woman comes up to Joanna and spills blood (I imagine pigs blood) on her and runs away. (Definitely a Carrie reference)

“Capitalist pig!”

All the purity of the white she wears stained, her relationship with Tyrell stained, all the things she once had dreamed of having stained, because of blood (Sharon Knowles), and now there is literal blood on her as well. (Also the title card is so good)

—

Joanna is in her home, drinking wine, staring with a mixed emotion down at a photo of an ultrasound. She’s still getting these gifts from “Tyrell”, she has intentions on finding him despite finding herself tied to her new lover (She’ll later say out of all the gifts the ultrasound made her the wettest). (Through Joanna we’re led to believe Tyrell is alive (and he is but she’s not getting presents from him), but Robot says he died because they killed him so it’s a huge whats what. (Elliot doesn’t know about stage 2 or Tyrell being involved and Robot wants to keep it this way.) At the moment we ask if we believe Robot or the presents from Joanna? Turns out neither are entirely truthful. This all becomes answered in the 2 part finale. (This season deals a lot with deception, illusions, and lying.)

—

Joanna is in bed with her lover, she seems to be reenacting the Sharon Knowles choking fantasy (yikes). Derek (I keep not saying his name but it’s Derek.), wants to invite Joanna to his 30th birthday party and Joanna says she can’t come. If she doesn’t come, Derek says she’ll break up with her. Joanna seems taken about this. I think she does enjoy Derek, but I don’t think she enjoys the conditions of this relationship. She knows she’s a potential target so can’t risk going public with this relationship.  

—

Joanna doesn’t show up to the party but is at his home waiting for him. It’s revealed here Joanna met Derek at the e-corp party (a nice parallel between Joanna and Tyrell during that party. One walked out with a relationship and the other walked out well… you know.). She’s filing for divorce and this is her “handshake” with him. (This later leads to her demise)

Beaten and Bruised

—

(Rami’s acting (THE BREATHING) in this scene gets me)

Robot props up Elliot and they then do more of a hold hands than a shake. Connection is seemingly being authorized at long last. He talks about handshakes; Initialized connections between two points of access. (Tech lingo.)

He says this to us:

“Hello. I see you, I recognize you, I acknowledge your existence. Let’s talk. Get to know who each other really are. All of this said with the simple act of a handshake between two people.”

He then goes on and says he “Doesn’t know how to follow the rules.”

What he’s about to say to Robot may breaks the rules of this new connection they now seem to have (Robot going that extra mile to protect Elliot from the beating)(Elliot then accepting that Robot is able to help him and they don’t have to fight).

What he mentions is Tyrell, and Robot is agitated that Elliot is hung up on him, but an agreement gets made through negotiation that gets Robot to finally say something in order to fill in those gaps of memory he doesn’t have. (So connection has been made, but it’s gonna be a false trust.)

“P-Popcorn” is the last thing Elliot remembers. (Popcorn is one of those repeated items in the show that connect back to moments in Elliot’s past. It may be a stretch but I think popcorn symbolizes the pretense of dying, given where we see it. It’s a weird irony of having death lie below the surface of whats usually seen as something fun or delightful.)

—

While talking Robot is lying to Elliot that they killed Tyrell (This would simultaneously be making that phone call they had unreal to Elliot’s mind, another part of the illusion. This will later make him think Tyrell IRL is not real). My best guess as to why Robot kept all of this is he figures that Elliot would NOT want what stage two is to happen, and it most definitely needs to happen or Dark Army would be pissed = bad new for them. Robot is once again playing the long game with Elliot to get him to fall for something. This conflict will continue to build, so yes this is the opposite of a handshake happening here, “Rules” broken. However he tells part of the truth about that night up until the point of “shooting” him, probably because Elliots picking up on bits and pieces of it and saying things that didn’t happen would break the fact Robot is lying to him. (He also isn’t looking to fight him because they’re finally working together and Robot’s been wanting that.) (Should read that Elliot is finally starting to trust Robot because of this btw. Like a relationship of trust appears to have been formed here, a perfect handshake. But who’s betraying trust now?)(My other guess is that Robot just wants to see out his plans alone W/O Elliot getting in the way)

—

Elliot gets moved back to Ray’s office. He’ll need a few hours to “move the site.” He’s planning on exposing Ray site, opening it up for more than just TOR traffic, opening it up to the public, in the next scene we see the traffic on the site is booming. To make things easier, he also emailed the FBI an anonymous tip. (Rays move was to let Elliot live and let him turn him in.)

Elliot negotiates a game with Ray and he confesses he never actually knew what was on his site, but Elliot made him look. (Not sure what exactly about Elliot compelled him but Ray talks about Elliot highly because of it.) (Rays sorta a toss at the end (?), morally ambiguous. He never actually knew what was on his site but he’s definitely not oblivious. He ultimately decides he should pay for his crimes. Elliots conversations previous seem to indicate confusion on Ray being a good or bad person, I think the guy sort of did enable all that shit to happen so like nah.)(He was also using Elliot for what he wanted out of him, this seems to be a repeated thing with Elliot and various ppl.)(Seeing him for what he can do for them instead of him as his own person.)(Characters like Darlene or Leon (who live) do seem to see Elliot for who he is.)

“You are my answer. It’s not the other way around. So thank you.”

Elliot quotes: “When you see a good move, look for a better one.” -Emanuel Lasker (World champion chess champion) (Elliot knows a lot of chess factoids) (What’s Elliots good move and what’s his better move?)

“Mr.Robot was a part of me that I created because of my pain. So now we have a chance to start again. Our handshake negotiated us as partners.” (Just a good line)

—

Elliot and Leon talk on the court, Leon mentions that Elliot has to watch out for people. The white guys show up to mess with Elliot but Leon does’t budge when asked. They had stock in Ray’s site and want payback. They definitely don’t feel like starting anything with Leon around.

“Just remember cuz, your sitting under the sword of Damocles.” - the imminent and ever-present peril faced by those in positions of power. (Leons word choice is always very nice)

—

There’s been some time since the last scene, Elliots wounds are better. We are in Church group the leader reads from Dueteronomy 12:29 - “When the Lord thy God shall cut off the nations from before thee, whither thou goest to possess them, and thou succeedest them, and dwellest in their land;”

I’m not gonna say I’m a bible expert by any means but it’s a big metaphor for “curiosity killed the cat”, to guard oneself against sinful curiosity and thereby betraying god by falling for errors in judgment; or else. Seems befitting enough to Elliots situation. (“Curiosity killed the cat”, Both in prison when his itch gets scratched with Ray landing him in a bunch of painful situations and at the end of the season when his curiosity towards Robot’s possible plotting leads him towards Tyrell who eventually has to shoots him.(thing is these were just curiosities)) (I can see this being VERY relatable to WR. She wants the Congo, and its her errors in judgement that make for her undoing.(These are more sinful))

—

There’s conversation then had between her and him about being fearful and vigilant as good, because it means gods present with him (IDK church stuff). The church lady thinks he speaks to Jesus/God, “If you let Jesus into your heart he’ll always listen.” (Jesus can be read as a prophet, Robot calls himself Elliot’s prophet), Elliot ends up speaking to Robot.

This is a continuation of this thing between them, “I was supposed to be your prophet, but you were supposed to be my god!” (Robot; season 1 episode 10), but also "Mr. Robot has become my god, and like all gods, their madness takes you prisoner." (Elliot; season 2 episode 3).

(It would take longer than an single episode analysis to unpack the religious themes in this show but I’ll say a few things.) The show is seeped with these religious themes everywhere, I’m still piecing sense together about it. It’s probably some way of saying the forces of life are mysterious at times, we can’t always understand them and yet they carry an amount of power over you. And that Powerful people are like gods. Gods are about to create things but they’re also able to destroy. They may guide you and they may also control you. God may be symbolic of power itself. Deciding who are the gods and masters and who are the men? Whoever has control over the world is he god? Should anyone be allowed to be?

Elliot doesn’t believe in god but Mr.Robot he can talk to and needs to talk to. He needs to know what it all means to work together as partners. Elliot has decided that they need to continue with their work, yet doesn’t know if he like’s what robot has to offer about it. Robot tells him Elliot is actually a leader, that he led the entire world into a revolution. Robot says he follows him simply because he does lead.

“I don’t want to be a leader.” (Probably has some preconceived notions on leaders being terrible people, but also might not feel he’d make a good leader given who he is)

Robot says to get anything done with E-corp it’s gotta have to happen like that.

This conversation between them seems like more metaphor to me, Elliot must sacrifice what he wants (not to be a leader) in order to move things forward to change the world and Jesus had to make a similar decision on sacrifice. (Whats weird about this scene though is how nothing seems to play out of it, after Elliot gets out he’s more of less on Ecorp’s side in order to prevent destruction. And wondering if Robot is even saying anything of truth here or if he’s simply further deceiving Elliot this whole time that they can work together on finishing things.)

—

Book burning: Elliot burns his journal because he doesn’t have any use for it anymore. Hot Carla and him stand and watch over it while he smokes a cigarette. (In RedWheelbarrow Carla has taken this apparently during some kind of riot. I think it’s this riot that lets the next thing happen without any guards coming by)

Attack: The racist white guys make their move on Elliot. They (the main guy) say they’re gonna “fix that courage problem of yours”. Robot takes all the punches for Elliot (King). (TW) They’re definitely taking off Elliot’s belt when they turn him around (fuccck)(TY Leon). Leon does his blade action and saves Elliot then we get the reveal.

“Gonna get a letter on Tuesday, do what it says.”

*stabs a guy in the ass*

“Hey yo man, when you see Whiterose. Make sure you say I did you good.”

*yanks his knife out of said mans ass*

“I’ll be rooting for you cuz, Always.”

Elliot’s in shock (who wouldn’t be?) (This establishes a lot between Elliot and Leon, I think it forms a true trust, but its one met with uncertainty)(This can be paralleled with Robot’s in a way, forming a false trust met with more certainty.)(…Don’t read much into what I say lol.) (It’s nice that ultimately both these connections do end up sticking around.)

—

Krista reads over Elliots release notice. (Tuesday I assume)

“But you were right, you can’t destroy a part of yourself.”

Elliot’s mentioning his “reality” the construction of prison as his moms place (perhaps little on the nose on how it was in the real house). Krista makes sure he hasn’t actually fallen into believing the delusions and we finally get the reveal that this is a prison (Honestly how did I not pick up on this sooner in the first watch?).

“Sometimes control can be an illusion, but sometimes you need an illusion to gain control. Fantasy is an easy way to give meaning to the world. To cloak our harsh reality in escapist comfort. After all isn’t that why we surround ourselves with so many screens? So we can avoid seeing?” (This line plays into a lot of things besides Elliot’s illusion. You could relate Price’s negotiations with the government to “make people believe” to this. You could relate Ray to this. You can relate Angela’s persona of professionalism to this. Whiterose’s machine gets references as a fantasy or something along those lines. You could relate Religion into this. All of them put on “masks”, or make others put on the masks, some avoid seeing and others think they see but they don’t. Ultimately every single one is trying to cope and grapple with life. And wearing them makes it possible to fight for the control they want (or are forced to want…))(I love the way this show messes with perception)

==

Angela / FBI / internal work

Dom tries to get something out of Angela about why she was on the FBI floor. Angela tells her about her Lunch plans. Dom (still pushing) expresses her curiosity about her job history, then mentions needing a statement from her before leaving. (She seems to be trying to fish for a reaction.)

Angela doesn’t react much, but she seems to falter towards the end, Dom says “Whatever this is? It isn’t like you,” and leaves.

Angela then completes connection to the wifi. They now own the FBI.

As part of this all security footage data is is corrupted on E-corps security cameras, a total wipe. Dom is present on the scene and suggests looking at Angela Moss’s computer. It’s the 3rd of July. (This Op later proves to be fairly pointless on FSociety’s end of things. The real ones who gain anything from this are DA.)(and because people keep perceiving that they have any control over what happens things end up worse.)

—

Angela is in a taxi on her way back home the night of the pwn. The TV in the Cab tells us how things are escalating, we get hints of switching over to e-coin, and suggestions that more services are beginning to stop.

Angela sees Darlene waiting outside the building. Angela hasn’t picked up any of Darlene’s messages or calls which is why she’s there (Angela’s pissed after finding out about Cisco).

We get what Angela has been piecing together throughout this entire time, she sorta knew at the beginning but also didn’t want to admit her friends would do something like this. She understands they’re hackers and could do something like this, but wasn’t able to admit 5/9 was them up until a certain point. Cisco certainly confirmed any unresolved ideas.

“You guys always thought that you were smarter than me. But come on. You never actually hid it that well. Every halloween, when we were kids. You guys made me watch that shitty scary movie. It was so bad.” (This line makes me think the Aldersiblings have always kept things from Angela, and have always kept her out of their more criminal hobbies, but for good reasons. That the siblings grew into very different tastes than Angela so she ended up an outsider of sorts. This jab towards the siblings seems to continue Angela’s story line of feeling under appreciated.)

—

Angela mets with her dad, who works at Walmart. He’s restocking FIVE/NINE emergency kits. Which he mentions are flying off the shelfs after the attack on Washington. (This episode does a lot of alluding to whats going on outside the main plot, forming a connection we previously weren’t getting much of)

Things get tense, this is the point where there relationship breaks. Angela betrays her mom by doing what she’s doing, but also her dad. We don’t ever see him again I’m pretty sure. There’s also an obvious class divide between them, we see just how polarized they’ve become. Somehow Angela is still convinced that what she’s doing will fix things (perceiving more control than she thinks she has).

—

Price meets with Angela.

“You protecting some evil secret agenda?”  

(“Don’t we all protect our evil secrets agendas?”)

Angela wants to be moved to a manager position in risk management. (In order to change things from within).

Price confesses that it is his birthday, this is a secret from everyone but he shares with her and invites her to celebrate but she refuses. He’s definitely trying to build some type of relationship to her, since he’s her real dad and all. To Price finalizing the deal how WR needed it to be means Angela is no longer in immediate danger so maybe he’s more relaxed about opening up to her. I think one of Angela’s coworkers said this but it must seem strange to everyone else in the office there relationship, I think Angela finds it strange as well. Angela is an anomaly, caught in so many webs, and even WR sees it.

—

Angela’s first day in risk management, the man, who’s a director in risk management, showing her around. He mentions Flint,MI (who STILL doesn’t have clean water) as a thing they’re currently looking into. He apparently knew Gideon, worked with him a couple times. Angela’s hyper professionalism is super off, and its because literally every other person makes small talk and is fairly casual but her. I think it’s her way of commanding respect, something she wants is to feel respected. Angela doesn’t falter around, the problem is this persona of hers starts to carry on to her other relationships, it consumes her. (I just think to when she shuts Elliot away with her office professionalism in the episode where the buildings blow up.. 3.5?)

—

In Angela’s meeting Susan Jacobs (the executioner, f-society is using her house as HQ) is mentioned to be taking vacation days. (Hint dropped that she may be stopping by her house.)

A lot of legal settlement lingo is just thrown around everywhere (making us feel intimidated but also showing how Angela may find herself lost in this environment). Angela tries to get a shoe in on the conversation by suggesting to put together a summary, but obviously this wasn’t gonna work. Price told the head of risk management to treat Angela “however you want” and this guy finds Angela to be a suspicious case.

—-

F Society -

The gang are all over Mobley’s laptop (top secret call happening on OpBerenstain)(It reads that this should be the same day as the hack when Darlene comes in, which happened on the 3rd.)

(The show sort of hints that this next bit is whats on Mobley’s screen previous, but the dates don’t line up. “Tomorrow” isn’t the seventh.) The House of Representatives. (7/7/15) at 2:07 pm ET #droptheballs happens. Kinda a legendary move that just says “suck on these” to the government. However this scares some people into thinking the worlds ending (hence E corp selling out of emergency kits and needing the restock. Capitalism <3s to sell us our panic it created in the first place.) (and when we buy into that aren’t we buying into its fantasy?)

--

#h4ndshake.sme #mr robot #I'm not gonna bother tagging everyone who appears in this episode. #Also this is being posted out of order cause i'm still working on episode 6 #these are for fun so like dont take any of my takes seriously

[brownhardyho]

Roommates - Part Four (1st half)

Ben X Reader roommate collab series

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

A/N: I’M BAAACK! Y’all I’m so sorry it took me so freaking long to finally write this! Life has been a lil crazy, but I really hope this was worth the wait!

(P.S the reason why I split Part 4 into 2 parts is because it’s been a HOT minute since I wrote a Ben fic and I’m one wordy bitch and have a new found appreciation for suspense. K BAIII)

So this series is the brainchild of mine and @wanderlustandsmut’s shared frustration of Ben muthafuckin Hardy. Honest to God, we basically talk daily about Ben so we took this concept to the next level and decided to write about it! Previous parts have been linked above, hope you all enjoy!

Premise: Ben X Reader are roommates and childhood friends…What happens when their mostly platonic relationship turns sexual??

Warnings: Fluff, a lil smutty goodness 

Word Count: 2,234 (she’s long fam)

With the heavy bass of Saweetie’s summer anthem My Type lowly pounding on the walls of you and Ben’s humble abode, you bob your head to the catchy beat as you make your way across your room to get your outfit of the night. The excitement of having a date tonight was strong enough to damper your stay in tendencies, work has kept you very busy recently and Ben had been away for a month doing interviews and attending fashion shows. It had been a couple weeks since you and Ben’s intimate romp on the couch and you had not gotten any since (so to speak). So to say that you were excited to go out tonight was a bit of an understatement.

Even though you hadn’t seen Ben in person for a while, it’s not like you haven’t been in touch. Quite the opposite actually; you both text each other almost everyday, sending each other funny memes and reminders, because that’s obviously what roommates do!

Slipping on your favorite red lacy bralette and thong set, you smooth on your warm coconut scented lotions across your freshly washed body. With the potential of actually getting laid tonight, you were not playing around. Just as you were about to put the new black body con dress, your thoughts were interrupted by the ping alert on your phone. Clicking it on and glancing down at who sent you the message, your face falls into a frown immediately when you read the words:

So sorry to do this, but something came up and I have to cancel on dinner tonight! Let’s take a raincheck?

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” you exasperate out loud, feeling severely annoyed at the situation. You had met this guy on Bumble a few weeks prior, and really hit it off. The guy had pursued you first by initiating the conversation. You both had similar tastes in music and travel and even talked about pet peeves. This guy already knew you had no patience for people that wasted your time so the fact that he pulled this shit on you more than peeved you.

“Boy bye! You are cancelled!” You say to yourself as you delete his number from your phone, not feeling guilty at all for ghosting him. With the slight disruption to your night plans, you turn up the volume of the music and dance your way into the kitchen, your mind set on making brownies, cuz what better way to spend a night in than wearing lingerie, dancing carelessly, while making sweet treats?

The brownie batter was made in record time, with the recipe ingrained into your mind and the sheer determination of living your best life powering the night, you were on a roll and you showed no signs of slowing down.

Balancing the pan with the brownies in your hands, you swayed your hips to the beat of the tempo, squatting lower to the ground to place said pan into the preheated oven. You shut the oven door, singing along to the song, turning around eyes widening in pure surprise.

You are greeted to the sight of Ben, looking especially gorgeous in a pink suit and a white shirt. His blonde hair seemingly longer since you last saw him in person, slightly disheveled from his habit of running his hands through his hair. Despite looking tired, with how busy his travel schedule was, Ben looked absolutely content with finally coming home, especially to a sight he had only dreamt of: you dancing in nothing but lingerie. In his eyes, you embodied all that it means to be devastatingly sexy and cute all at once.

“Holy shit! Ben I almost shat myself!” You shout breathlessly, slapping Ben’s shoulder “A lil announcement would have been nice.”

“Well, hello to you too love,” Ben laughed, his sea foam green eyes quickly tracking over your appearance before settling on your eyes “I thought you had a date tonight?”

“Nooope,” you reply, hopping on the counter and rolling your eyes in annoyance. “He talks me up these paste few weeks and then cancels without even explaining himself! What kind of guy even does that?” you huff, unconsciously pouting your lips and making Ben feel things in the process.

“Clearly, a guy that doesn’t deserve you,” Ben responds, shedding his pink suit jacket, draping it on the kitchen table and making his way over to you, stopping in between your legs. “It’s his loss, love.”

“I know, it’s just frustrating sometimes when a guy knows damn well he isn’t ready and will continue to convince you to waste your time on him!” you rant, venting your frustrations to your blonde best friend.

Ben nods understandingly and comes in for one of his ever famous bear hugs. If there’s one thing about Ben that’s trademark, it’s that he’s a tactile person. Physical touch is basically one of his love languages and not just in a sexual sense. Throughout your long friendship, it wasn’t uncommon for Ben to cuddle next to you on the couch during a movie marathon. And in the reverse, you didn’t hesitate to cuddle next to him and he would gladly wrap his arm around your shoulder.

“Feel better?” Ben mumbles into your hair right before you break away from his warm embrace.

“Much!” you smile, a smirk playing your lips “Now go shower, you stink!”

“Hey now! You can’t blame me, I just got off the plane!” Ben exclaims, lightly smacking your bare thigh. “Movie and brownie sesh?”

“As if you have to ask!” you chuckle, hopping off the counter to check on the brownies. It was tradition for you both to gorge on brownies and watch a movie when Ben came back from long work trips.

Ben turns around and fetches his jacket from the table before making his way to the bathroom. You can’t help but admire the way his arm and back muscles glide under the snug fit of his white tee shirt. As if on cue, Ben calls out, “take a picture it’ll last longer!” before turning around and looking at you from the hallway.

“Oh dear lord, why would I do that now that you’re back home!” you stick your tongue out, silently trying to calm your mind that Ben caught you practically gawking at him. How in the world did he even know?! He was turned away from you for gods sake!

Not too long after, the timer goes off and you retrieve the brownies, basking in the sweet chocolatey aroma that fills the kitchen. You let the brownies cool off while you go off to the living room to pick the movie of the night. My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Can’t go wrong with a classic, you thought to yourself. And it’s been a while since you’ve watched it.

“Ben! These brownies aren’t gonna eat themselves!” you call out, lounging horizontally on the couch, the plate of brownies sitting on your stomach. “I swear to God, you take freaking long showers. It baffles me sometimes that-“ the beginning of your small rant cut short at the sight of a freshly showered Ben, his blonde hair still damp, and his toned chest on display as he was only wearing boxers.

“That what, love?” Ben smirks at you, knowing exactly how his current appearance is affecting you.

“..nothing,” you mumble, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks, pulling yourself up to sit down next to Ben, handing over the plate of brownies.

You both started watching the movie and Ben didn’t tease you during it. Thankfully, the funny and relatable antics of the movie put a pause to the sexual tension and you were both laughing along to the film in no time.

Sighing in content, you place the plate with the small remainder of brownies on the coffee table and settle back to your spot next to Ben. When you turn around to look at your roommate, you can’t help but smile because your eyes are welcomed with the sight of a knocked out Ben, head tipped back, mouth slightly open with soft snores starting to escape. Poor guy, you thought to yourself leaning over his body carefully, as to not wake him, to grab the blanket.

Right as your hand made its way to the soft fabric, Ben let out a groan causing you to lose your balance and fall right on his lap. Luckily, a pillow was atop his lap before, thus providing a cushioned barrier to soften your fall.

“Ooof!” you mumble out, slightly freaking out because of the awkward positioning and the fact that just a pillow currently separates your chest from Ben’s crotch.

“Woah woah,” Ben’s groggy, deep voice interrupts your thoughts “If you wanted me that bad, you could have just said so love!”

“You are so so full of yourself Ben!” you exasperate, going on to explain the situation “I didn’t want you to get cold..” your eyes gesture to the blanket that’s still in your hand. His emerald eyes tracked yours and suddenly his hands grasped your body and pulled you on his lap. You settled your arms around his broad shoulders to keep your balance and he settle his arms around your hips in response, his fingers softly teasing at the lace of your panties.

“There, now I won’t get cold. Body heat does more than blanket ever will!” he smiles, his eyes seemingly looking into your soul, as if to reassure you that this won’t change your relationship.

“Hmm,” you sigh, adjusting your position on his lap, consciously testing out the waters of this sexually charged atmosphere. “I missed you, Ben.”

“And I missed you too, peaches,” Ben hums into your neck, reveling in the feeling of your warm body pressed up against his. Even though you were just sitting on his lap, the feeling of you being in his arms felt so damn right, so natural, so effortless.

His soft lips eventually made their way against your jawline and you hummed in delight, shift your hips slowly on top of his lap. It wasn’t too long after that you started to feel him getting hard and you could help but silently scream in your head.

“Already, Ben?” you smirk, tilting his chin up from your neck so you could look at him.

“Love, don’t be so surprised,” Ben explains, his cheeks becoming rosy. “You could be wearing just a burlap sack and I’d be ready to go in a second! You. Are. Stunning.” He emphasizes those last three words with firm kisses to each of your collarbones and the last one smack on your lips. Your lips latch on to his and all is right in the world. He sucks on your lower lip, silently asking permission to deepen the kiss and you happily oblige. This makeout session is getting hotter and hotter by the second, your hands exploring each other’s bodies. No words are exchanged, only actions.

“Oh Ben,” you moan aloud throwing your head back, in return pushing your décolletage closer to his lone of vision. Ben groans in appreciation and dives right in, placing wet kisses all over.

“You are so beautiful, love,” Ben murmurs lowly, his hands trailing down the cur of your hips, settling down on the round globes of your glutes, squeezing them. “Wet already?” he says, as he feels your drenched panties grinding on his hard cock. Truthfully, he just wants to undress already and finally feel your naked core against him.

“Ben, don’t be so surprised,” you laugh, lightly mocking his previous statement. “I was wet the moment I saw you in that pink suit!”

“I should wear it more often then,” he thinks aloud, shifting his hips up to meet yours, causing your eyes to roll back in pleasure.

“Ben, take me to bed please,” you say, letting your desire and emotions out in the open.

A small part of you was advising against this because going all the way with Ben, your best friend and roommate, could change the dynamic between the both of you. But, a bigger part of you and your gut was telling you to take that leap into the unknown, because oh honey, what if it turns out good, amazing even? That was a possibility that you were definitely willing to take that risk.

“Whatever the lady desires,” Ben says softly, his beaming up at you. What you didn’t know yet was that Ben wanted this too. “Wrap your legs around me peaches, I got you.”

With your arms and legs wrapped around this Adonis of a man, Ben walks you both to his room and sets you down gently on his plush bed. You go to take your bra off, but Ben stops you.

“Can I do it, please?” he whispers softly, his eyes pleading with yours.

“Oh yes!” you nod frantically. “Why are you whispering?”

“Because I don’t want this to go away, this all feels like a dream that I don’t want to wake up from,” Ben confesses, and your heart just breaks a little because you’ve never seen him so vulnerable and that’s saying a lot considering that you’ve known him for most of your life.

“Ben, look at me,” you say, bringing his hand to your chest so he can feel how fast your heart is beating. “Feel that? This is real.”

Taglist: @rogershamsandwich @big-deak-energy @rrrogah-tayluhh @hardzzellos @prettylittlegoldfish @queeniebean01@yourebeyondperfect @ramibaby @anikatcmh @shannonlxto@shreyuhhstudies @libita @orchideax @meowmeow230 @devil-in-those-eyes @luvborhap @ixchel-9275 @caborhapch @qweenly 

#ben hardy #ben hardy fic #ben hardy smut #ben hardy fanfic #ben hardy fanfiction #ben hardy imagines #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x you #fic series #ben hardy fluff #Roommates fic #wanderlustandsmut X brownhardyho collab