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nobody-cared-then-either · 2 months

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Update. I'm in counseling again. Tonight, I wrote the first draft of a letter she told me to write to my parents. 3/22/24

Hi B.,

Here I will write my letter to my parents as you have instructed.

Content objectives:

1. Manipulation by S. in my relationship to him before/after & during his DUI

2. How he drugged me.

3. What happened in detail.

Specifically state this is what happened: I was drugged, manipulated, and forced into situations with him. I was blacked out and he took advantage of me knowing I knew about his sister.

You also mentioned we should be able to find a record of the police speaking to me in 2006. I would like some help following up on that.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am writing this letter to both of you because I feel like all of my other efforts to communicate with you about the terrifying trauma that I lived through in high school and have spent the rest of my life suffering with the consequences of have fallen on deaf ears any of the other times I have tried to tell you. Even now, you are avoiding me, and making excuses for why you can never be physically or emotionally available to me to have this important conversation, and you pretend like you don't know I have been trying to sit down with either or both of you for a decade now to talk about this, and to ask you for support with it. This has nearly torn our family apart and has estranged me from my relationships to all of you, and has alienated me from the rest of the world in just the last 10 years because of how I have been unable to get the support I have asked for with my trauma since 2014.

I began telling you years ago when I explained my reasons for ending my friendship with Seth when I stopped talking to him in 2008. I tried talking to Elizabeth Cooke about it, and I tried talking to counselors at Ridgeview Institute about it in 2015. I have not stopped talking about it since my first visit to a mental hospital in 2015, where they forced me into drug rehab despite how I was telling them that what happened to me in 2006 was making me suicidal, how much pain I was in, and how I felt terrorized by Seth to that day because of the way he destroyed my identity and marked me as a pariah for the rest of my life in high school. I was 26 years old when I went to Ridgeview and asked for help with this, and they tortured me there by treating me like I was a juvenile delinquent instead of a victim.

The treatment I have gotten since then has not been an improvement on that experience. When I attempted suicide, you threatened me with homelessness and forced me to go The Ranch, where they also failed to help me, and only successfully managed to exploit all of us for thousands of dollars for inadequate and ill-informed treatment that made no difference to my emotional or mental health. In 2016, my disappointment and fear about my future led to my confrontation with Dad on the day he called the police on me. This led to my brutally violent arrest, and to you guys kicking me out of the house for 5 years.

Every time I went to the mental hospital over that 5 years, it was because I was suicidal, afraid and alone, and I never got any of the help I needed with that, because neither of you were willing to be emotionally available to me, or emotionally supportive of me, not really, even while you acted like you were doing everything I could have possibly wanted from you, because, in your minds, you were being financially supportive of me by forcing me to live in a Red Roof Inn, or in PopROK's basement; or by paying for my cosmetic and reconstructive surgeries.

What I needed from you then is the same thing I need from you now. I need for you to both listen to me and to treat me with more respect as your son, as the survivor of a horrible trauma that I did not deserve to have inflicted onto me by Seth, and as a person who has serious injuries to not just my face and my eyes, but to my heart, my mind, and my development due to the nature of this violent physical trauma that marked me from the age of 17.

It caused me so much mental anguish to be ignored by you in 2016, and for the years afterward, that I tried to kill myself again with a kolonopin overdose while I was going through the Mental Health Courts and living out of a hotel, quarantined from you like I had the plague. I just want you to appreciate how that happened, and why that happened, and what it was in response to.

I am still suffering with the same pain, today, and I need you to listen to me this time, so please read this whole letter, and let me tell you my story of how Seth bullied me in high school, of how I was drugged by him, and how he manipulated me to force me into dangerous situations like the situation he created on Feb 04 2006 when he effectively ended my life and crushed my skull in his DUI. I need you to finally accept and appreciate how violent, scary, and hurtful Seth was to me when he was my friend, and all the reasons I had for ending my friendship with him when I did, years ago.

I need to start by telling you about how Seth's sister, Hannah, confided in me about how he had raped her after I had known Seth for a couple of years, in 2005. I had only recently learned of this behavior from her when Seth hospitalized me in 2006. Seth and I had not talked about it yet. We did not have any verbal confrontation over it, properly, until 2007. At that time, Seth confessed to doing it, while screaming "I'm sorry I raped my sister" repeatedly, while he was high on mushrooms, and was threatening both Hannah and me with another sexual assault in his kitchen, one day after school at Phoenix High School, while nobody else was home but the 3 of us at his house. He exposed himself to us and threatened Hannah while he screamed like a psychopath. I was forced to become physical with him in order to protect Hannah.

So, that was the day he confessed, and that is how he did it, over a year after Hannah told me he did in 2005, and roughly a year after he mutilated me one night in February in 2006.

I need you to appreciate that I feel like I was assaulted by Seth the night in 2006, and that he attempted to kill me because of what his sister had told me just a couple months earlier. We had not talked about it yet, but I had grown suspicious of him. I was beginning to distance myself form him and make new friends at Phoenix when he did this to me. I want you to understand how he had a motive to ruin my life and destroy my reputation after he did this to me, even if he did not intend to be physically violent with me that night, while I was unconscious, after he had drugged me and I blacked out with him in my bedroom that night that he slept over and drove drunk.

My experience of that night and memory of it is vivid up until the point where I blacked out. Seth brought over a minikeg of Heineken and some red solo cups. He served me beer in a cup and he brought over a new rock opera movie for us to watch. Usually we would watch Pink Floyd's The Wall on these kind of sleep overs, and even though we would drink and smoke pot, this was not the sort of activity we engaged in before driving off in the middle of the night to go somewhere else. So, I need you to appreciate how unusual it was for him to leave the sleepover that night, and how that was not planned, or something he discussed with me. I have no memory of leaving my room to go anywhere with him that night, and I blacked out in my room, shortly after he poured me a beer from that keg of Heineken, while we were watching the Quadrophenia musical by The Who he had brought with him that night.

You should be able to remember what happened next better than I can, even though you may not want to. Seth was a very skilled manipulator and liar, so I do not doubt that he made a great show of acting remorseful, but I also think it is unforgivable how he was encouraged to lay the blame on me while he did that, or how he was not dealt with as a felon when he harmed me so seriously as to have broken my skull and put me into a coma and put all of you through the unspeakable trauma of seeing what he had done to my face or doubting whether I would ever wake up again, or whether I would be brain-dead.

This was a felony DUI, and the consequences were supposed to be extremely serious because of the extremely serious nature of his crime against me, as a person. When Seth was not penalized for hurting me, I was penalized for being his victim instead, and I am still being penalized for that today. I need that to stop.

It is my opinion that Seth intentionally drugged me that night, and I can even guess how he did it, because he had access to pills, and had given me pills like Xanax and Adderall, before. He was also an unrepentant drug addict and you may remember that he was the one who encouraged me to steal from your liquor cabinet and medicine cabinets when I was a teenager after I met him.

If he put xanax in my beer, that would have put me into a black out. That is why I have been telling you he date raped me. It is the only reasonable explanation I can come up with for how I lost my memory and experienced a black out when I did.

And if Seth planned to drug me that night, there is no telling what else he did with criminal intent to hurt me. It is possible that he impulsively, randomly decided to drive drunk that night to DeKalb county because he wanted narcotics; it is also possible that he had another intent in mind that did not involve crashing his truck driving drunk, but involved taking me somewhere else with him after he drugged me. I cannot say because I cannot remember, because he drugged me.

Either way, the legal definition for what Seth did to me is assault, if not kidnapping, and attempted murder. Drugging me is an assault. Taking me with him and endangering my life is an assault. He was almost charged with manslaughter and then WAS charged with SIBV. Both of those charges are felonies.

Obviously, nobody explained what those charges meant or what it meant that I was a plaintiff at the time this happened.

We can speak more about any interaction I had with the police after this happened, and B. says there should be a record of them talking to me, so I would very much like to follow up on that recommendation and obtain those records, and need help with that.

But the big take away for both of you is that Seth's DUI was not a simple car accident. Seth had a criminal history for assaulting his sister in her sleep, and I had just found out about it, when he kidnapped me in my sleep and hospitalized me with (ostensibly) his DUI. The FELONY DUI should have been enough to have him arrested and landed him in jail for 1-15 years. I have talked to some lawyers who told me that other cases like his usually result in 3-5 years in jail.

Seth was not arrested. Seth's court date was not even until 2008, and they never included me at all as his plaintiff. His entire case was reduced to a misdemeanor DUI, and he was drugging and doping with me the whole time through high school until his hearing in 2008, selling me and giving me drugs from the moment I could walk again in 2006 until the moment I graduated in 2007, and then for a year afterward he remained my closest "friend" and only confidante.

That whole time Seth was torturing me and bullying me in ways that I can barely even write about. He assaulted me in my sleep and/or by drugging me and carjacking me on 2 more occasions. One of those occasions was on or around his 21st birthday in 2008, and was one of the last times I allowed him to hurt me like that before I found the courage within me to stand up to him and block contact with him.

You might remember this, because I came home form an outing on the town with him in 2008 for his birthday in a tow truck. Seth had caused me to wreck my car after I agreed to be his designated driver that night. He did this as a deliberate act of sabotage after I did not drink all night while I drove him around, and then got invited by his friends to sleep at their apartment at the end of the night. At his friends apartment, I was offered liquor, and stayed up late hanging out with his friends from school after he crashed at like 4am. I went to sleep at close to 6am, and had not been asleep for more than an hour before he molested me in my sleep, which was a drunken stupor at the point immediately after I fell into a deep sleep after drinking alcohol. He manipulated me in this state to get me to drive away from that apartment at no later than 7 or 8 am that morning. I had no shoes on and no glasses on. I did not know where I was and did not come to until I was on the road. He was holding the steering wheel with one hand and holding my knee down with the other to make me drive. I could not see straight and my eyes were too blurry to make out the road. I had left behind nearly all of my belongings at the apartment.

When this happened, Seth was shouting and screaming at me while I panicked because I did not know where I was or how I had gotten there. He tried to steer me into driving onto I85 north in this condition. Luckily, the illegal U-turn he forced me to do made me drive over a curb and get a flat, and that was when we contacted a tow truck.

There was another incident like this with Seth in 2007, where he got me drunk, told me I could sleep over at his Flowery Branch apartment, then woke me up screaming at me in the middle of the night after I had passed out, and chased me out of his house. I tried to sleep in my car and he woke me up banging and screaming on the window and would not stop until I drove away. I drove home in a black-out and only made it all the way home with sheer dumb luck. The next morning, I was missing my passenger-side rearview mirror.

Finally, the straw that broke the camel's back was when, toward the end of 2008, Seth invited me to come over to hang out with him and Sophia in Flowery Branch, again. He said he had mushrooms and that they had both taken some and that they were thinking about me. Sophia stopped talking to me after Seth's DUI and had virtually refused to ever look at me again from the day that he disfigured my face, so I was doubtful about it when Seth told me she wanted to see me, but he said it was because they were taking mushrooms, and that they had both realized how much they loved me, etc.

I went over and I found him acting suspiciously, he made come around back instead of letting me inside and he acted like he was drunk. Instead of there being any mushrooms there was an empty sandwich bag with crumbs left in it, and he was drinking and tried to offer me alcohol instead. I was angry with him because he lured me over on false pretenses. I asked him where Sophia was and he said she was upstairs sleeping. We argued, and then he tried to talk me into going upstairs with him, while making the very obviously, barely veiled implication that since she was sleeping, we could both go up there and have our way with her.

I flat out told him no, but he didn't listen and started to go up there anyways, so I banged loudly on the wall and yelled at him before I left, and when he texted me after I drove away, I told him I would not ever speak to him again for trying to involve me in raping his girlfriend in her sleep.

That was the official end of my relationship with Seth. I was extremely traumatized by ever having to meet him, and it was years before I could even begin to process everything that happened when I knew him.

I am still dealing with this trauma today because of the injuries he has given me, including the sexual abuse trauma, and the disfigurements.

What happened between me and a girl in 2014 triggered all of that for me because she was accusing me of being sexually abusive to me, and suddenly both of you, and the authorities at my school, and people who I talked to at Ridgeview were treating me like I had been sexually abusive, and that was not fair.

In 2014 I was romantically involved with someone for over a month, we had been engaged in foreplay and had gone on dates for weeks in a row before she ended things with me by standing me up on a date and dumping me on the phone. I got drunk and left her a bunch of voicemails and texts talking about how she made me suicidal and a tore up my apartment. It was a melt down. I was triggered by the way she was treating me like I am a hideous, disgusting, deformed freak.

And you all treated me like I had sexually assaulted her. The fact was she committed a hate crime recording my melt down so she could publicly humiliate me and ruin my life.

That's a separate issue, but is relevant that I been treated like a sexual predator for having a deformed face after what Seth did to me, while he meanwhile got PROTECTION after he sexually mutilated me in the first place, along with the PROTECTION he got after raping his sister before he met me.

So, that is so you will understand why I have a problem with the authorities in GA. Seth was a juvenile sexual predator who they knew about and they gave him the fabled white privilege that I have been so completely deprived of as his victim.

As far as I am concerned, Seth is a rapist and a murderer, and he has done a damn good job of convincing everyone that I am the monster, and even both of you have joined forces with him, from where I am standing.

That is what I needed to tell you.

Sincerely,

Your son Zach

B.-

I am getting too triggered to proof read or embellish this letter anymore right now, so I am sending it to you now.

Note - Ran out of time for revisions. I failed to mention the suboxone Seth gave me in 2006, his rape of Sophia in 2006, which I witnessed after he had given me suboxone at her mother's Suwanee residence, when I heard her screaming "No" behind a locked door in the house with just him, her, and her very young siblings. Both her siblings and I heard Seth rape her while she screamed "No" loudly. That is how we all witnessed it. I was too high to move on the opiates Seth had given me. I wanted to mention this somewhere bc this was the time frame when my parents say the police would have been talking to me. I often spent weeks in bed during this time frame. If I ever left the house, it was for a trip to the hospital, doctor, or surgeon; or because Seth had plans for me.

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